#at the very least just tomorrow so I can skip my long work shift and still be able to take my exams on friday

[southislandwren]

oh boy school tomorrow! I missed 8 classes. I missed 2 work shifts. I missed 2 exams and a quiz. I have an essay due and I don't know when. I have accounting homework due tomorrow. I have a lab report due tomorrow. I have 2 days of lab to complete in 1 and I work immediately after lab (so can't stay after). I woke up at 10am and my first class tomorrow starts at 9 which means I have to be up at 7:45 and there's no chance I fall asleep before midnight tonight

[mylittlesecrethaven]

How Relationships With Them Would Be: Pt 2

OH MY GOODNESS IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!

Anyway, let's do this.

I'm finishing this up.

Even though nobody asked me to.

Vice housewarden time. (Also, I know some of the dorms don't have vice housewardens, but you know what I mean by these characters. Please don't comment or message or whatever and be like "Um, actually--" Cause I know. Don't worry. :3 Thanks tho)

Trey:

Ngl, perfect boyfriend material. I can't really see anything that would go bad unless you're just super stubborn about your teeth brushing habits. I think that's the only deal breaker for him.

MC: But I don't wanna brush my teeth now! I'm going to bed.

Trey: Do you know what can happen to your teeth by skipping even one brushing session?

MC: Don't know, don't care.

All in all, the only way this wouldn't work out is if you are the asshole.

Ruggie:

Pfft- You fucking wish. I mean, if you get close enough, maybe. But this boi would probably rather trick you and snatch your shit than try to date you. Of course, even if you did get close, he'd tease you to no end. (But if y'all were dating, I'd say he'd be a pretty ok boyfriend)

MC: Um... where's my wallet?

Ruggie: Oh, I used it to buy food.

MC: Oh, how much food?

Ruggie: As much as I could get with whatever was in there.

MC: ...

Ruggie: And then I sold the wallet for some quick cash.

MC: ....my wallet....

Yeah, you could never keep anything valuable.

Jade:

Unless you're into sadism, you'd fucking die. Also, if you hate mushrooms, good fucking luck. And if you piss him off? You're family would never find you again. I swear, being with this guy would always have you on edge.

MC: Um... Jade? I may have.... sorta.... kinda.... destroyed one of your terrariums... On accident though!

Jade: *silent stare*

MC: ....Jade?....

Jade: *creepy smile thing he does*

(And then MC either goes missing, gets left up on a mountain, or has to work all of Jade's shifts at Monstro Lounge for a month while also helping maintain all of his garden shit)

So yeah. Unless you're ok with constantly being watched for weakness or blackmail, I'd say don't date this psycho.

Jamil:

I mean.... maybe? He's super weird about trust, so even getting close to him would be hard. If y'all are close, I'd say it'd be ok. He probably wouldn't have as much time for you as you'd like since he has to deal with Kalim all the time. Otherwise, I'd say he's ok.

MC: Can we go on that date tomorrow?

Jamil: No. Kalim is hosting another party.

MC: Again? He just had one yesterday, and I've been trying to get us to go on a date for weeks.

Jamil: Can't. Sorry.

Kalim would honestly be your biggest problem while actually dating Jamil. I'd say he'd be almost as good as Trey, otherwise.

Rook:

Another maybe. Sorta like how Jamil has to deal with Kalim, Rook is obsessed with Vil, so you'd kinda have to fight for attention. Honestly, you'd have to fight for his attention with everything. If you're a dull person, you stand no chance in pulling his eyes and actually dating him. However, unlike Jamil who has pretty much no choice in having to deal with Kalim, you'd have to live with the fact that Rook actually chooses other stuff over you.

MC: I made this cool art piece!

Rook: And it is beautiful! *goes back to watching Vil*

MC: That's.... that's it?

Rook: *still watching Vil* It is an amazing work of art! *pause* Oooo! Vil looks stunning today!

I feel like you'd have to have really high self-esteem to deal with being showed up by other stuff. It'd honestly really suck.

Ortho:

No

Lilia:

Honestly? Probably an ok boyfriend. As long as you're also a prankster, at least. If you're too dull or very lowkey, he'd probably gloss right over you. But if you're bubbly and hyperactive like him? Then yes. It'd also work if you're lowkey, but spook easily. I'd say he's alright.

Lilia: *appears behind MC* Hello!

MC: *nearly jumps out of their skin*

Lilia: *laughing*

MC: Not funny!

Not as good as Trey, but I think he'd be fine otherwise. The only big issue would be secrets, so if you aren't ok with your partner keeping a few private details to themselves, Lilia probably wouldn't like you as much. (Or maybe he'd like you more cause he'd get to tease you with it, but you might not like it yourself)

[livingdeadmlm]

YO!

Your writing always gives me butterflies so I wanted to request a sugar daddy older Joseph x Male reader sugar baby 🙏

Sugar daddy Joseph

teehee thank you so much for liking my writing!!! i think i gotta do a part two lemme know

He really wanted to spoil a cute thing that’ll hang off of his shoulder, and you were perfect for that. You met at a bar that was common for older men to head into to set up for these arrangements

While there were many very pretty men and women there you really caught his attention. You had on a black turtle neck that perfectly captured your figure. A pair of brown slacks and black dress shoes.

You already had two men around you. While the three of you were having a conversation, well it seemed more like the men were just talking AT you rather than with you. 

While you did your best to seem engaged he could tell you were board. Now, this could be a fun challenge for him. 

Second Person 

‘Geez are they ever going to actually make any arrangements with me or will they just keep droning on about…. Ah shit, what are they talking about now?’

Their voices faded back into your mind, “-cause we closed that deal last week- with the client we told you about a month ago I'm sure you remember.”

‘I absolutely do not I would have left a half-hour ago but they really the only men here that are kinda attractive’

“We both got a 5% raise.” your eyebrows perked up and you smiled

“Oh wow! That’s amazing you two, what good work from both of you boys.” you leaned back against the bar counter and took a sip from your drink. Both of the men’s faces became flushed. They stumbled over their words for a second before the bartender tapped your shoulder. 

You turned your head, he slid a drink to you and pointed. “The man at table 4 ordered this for you.” you turned your head to where the bartender was pointing. An older man who was sitting by himself. You waved at the man and smiled tilting your head. The two businessmen in front of you tensed up. One of them grabbed your hand and looked you in the eyes, “What would you say to joining the two of us to dinner next week huh?” 

“Well I’d love to join the two of you but, how much are you offering?” you rubbed his knuckles with your tumb.

“What about $500?” 

‘Finally, some sort of offer took them long enough and not a bad one’

“S’that all you’re offering this pretty boy for the whole dinner?” A gruff voice laughed. 

Your eyes locked with the man from table 4, who was now resting his elbow against the counter next to you. 

He reached a hand out to you which you shook, “Joseph Joestar, you?”

“(your name) pleaser to meet you.” 

“I’m sure these men are great but what would you say about joining me for the night? I’ll pay you by the hour how about that?” 

One of the men shifted on his feet looking to the other, you felt kinda bad they were pretty sweet but this man seemed to be offering much more. 

“You know what boys of you liked your time with me you’ll love my friend Angel! They’re right there with the butterfly locs.” you pointed to your friend in a booth sipping on their drink. 

Both men glanced at your friend then back at each other, both nodded their heads and pretty much skipped their way to your friend saying goodbye to you. 

“Now we can finally talk, what about lunch with me tomorrow? I can take you to a shopping outlet after.” you hummed and took a sip of the drink he got you. 

“Sounds like a plan Jojo, here's my number.” you pulled a small piece of paper from your pocket and handed it to him. It had your number written in your favorite color ink along with your name. 

You both spent the next few hours chatting, Joseph talked about his family, his work, and a few stories you felt had to be somewhat exaggerated, but even if he was lying it was fun to believe he lost his hand to an over 6’ perfect god rather then just some accident. 

“Well, as much as I’d like to talk more I must turn in for the night so that tomorrow I'm at least presentable.” he nodded and held your hand leading you out of the door. 

He waited with you for a cab. As the two of you waited he handed you a check. You didn’t want to seem rude so you said thank you a placed the check into your wallet. 

After some small talk, a cab finally passed which you hailed down. He wished you goodnight as you climbed into the cab. You were excited about tomorrow, how much was he really going to spend on you? How much was he expecting back? Only time will tell you supposed.

[luveline]

in the morning, afternoon and night [Fred Weasley x Reader]

tags: reader-insert, hurt/comfort, self esteem issues, low self esteem, reader has acne, sad reader, insecure reader

pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

word count: 1.8k

You glared at your reflection.

You'd think with such amazing magical medicine available, some witch or wizard would've invented a cure for acne, or at least a spell that covered it up.

You'd struggled with it since your third year. The muggle doctor you'd seen with your mother had suggested it was hormonal, and would calm down as you got older.

That was years ago.

It shouldn't have been a big deal. It wasn't, really. It wasn't usually very painful, though it was itchy as a stinging nettle and twice as unsightly. A large part of you knew it wasn't your fault, that acne was something that simply affected people at different times in their lives. You'd tried topicals and changing your diet, you'd tried losing weight and exercising and dermaplaning and everything they suggested in your mams fashion magazines.

Nothing worked.

Tears welled in your eyes and you sniffed them back, blinking rapidly.

It might've been silly, but it honestly made you want to hide away. You'd skipped dinner without really thinking, finding your way into the girls bathroom you inhabited now. You straightened your tie and robes, dusting down the sides. You leaned forward again, dabbing under your eyes with your sleeve.

The last thing you wanted was for anyone to know you'd been crying, because then someone might ask why. You didn't want to talk about it, ever.

If Fred saw you like this...

You and Fred Weasley had been almost dating for a few weeks now. Almost, because you hadn't talked about the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing yet.

It had been years of thinking he was the fittest boy in Gryffindor (besides George) and months of meeting his gaze in the corridors and catching his eye over dinner. Gradually it had become something more; he started carrying your books between classes and opening doors, touching your arms and your hair and your face.

You cringed at the memory. He had been so caring, moving to wipe an eyelash from the skin under your eye. You'd violently flinched from his hand, afraid he might feel the bumpy texture of your skin, feel the acne beneath your makeup. He'd been apologetic and a little confused, filling you with guilt. You hadn't been able to find a way to tell him it wasn't him, it was you. Of course you wanted him to touch you, the thought of him cradling your face had been the subject of many dizzy daydreams, but you just couldn't tell him this one thing.

It was your deepest insecurity.

The stress had only made it worse. Redness was easy to cover with muggle make up and even some wizarding tricks you'd learned over the years, but there wasn't a way to smooth your skin, and the acne was textured.

It was depressing. You didn't want to use that word, it felt ungrateful to compare your skin issues to something so severe, but it made you miserable.

You but down on your quivering lip, pushing away from the mirror unhappily and opening the bathroom door, a frown on your face.

"Y/N!" a familiar voice said.

You jumped, startled but unsurprised. Fred had a talent of always knowing where you were. You'd find it creepy if he wasn't so endearing.

"Fred," you said, plastering a smile over your frown. "I was just coming to find you."

"What a coincidence, ma chérie, I was doing the same."

"Well," you began, easily sidling into his space, "you found me."

"Yes, I did," Fred hummed, wrapping his arms behind your neck, grinning.

He took a long look at your face, his forehead creased. "What's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong, Fred."

He moved his hands to your shoulders, looking down into your face searchingly. "Have you been crying?" he asked.

You shook your head, lying without thinking. "Something in my eye,"

"Both of them?"

You stepped backwards. He let go of your shoulders accordingly.

"Y/N?"

"It's really nothing," you said through a forced laugh.

He frowned at you for a few seconds more and his face cleared. "Alright," he said slowly, rolling the words in his mouth, "if you say so, doll."

You opened like a blooming flower at the pet name, your whole face softening. You smiled, hoping he understood that the smile meant, oh I just so adore you, Fred Weasley.

He threaded his fingers through yours, dragging you down the corridor beside him and waxing poetic about their newest lot of Peruvian darkness powder as you went.

-

It got so bad you couldn't go to class.

Okay, so you definitely could've gone to class, but the thought of leaving your curtained bed was enough to make you sick with anxiety, so worried that everyone would see you - see your face.

NEWTs were coming fast and hard. Everyone who wanted to be anyone was working hard studying their asses of, on top of Professor Umbridge's million new rules you had to abide by, including her newest life-ruining rule: Boys and girl are not to be within 5 inches of each other.

What a joke. You struggled through classes, wrote essays so long your hand burned at night and now you weren't allowed to sit next to your almost boyfriend at lunch? It was miserable. It was making you miserable, and now you may as well have sharpied on your forehead how equipped your body was to deal with it.

Fucking badly.

You groaned to yourself, rolling on your side to face the wall. You were at your wits end. It felt endlessly unfair that the thing that was stressing you out most was getting worse from stress.

Your stomach growled hungrily.

You threw your arm over your eyes in defeat, eyes finally filling with tears. You felt so hopeless. There was nothing to be done except keep up your routine until the flare up was over, or until your mothers next 'miracle cure' popped into existence.

The tears felt too hot against your sore skin. You couldn't help but sob quietly to yourself in self-pity.

A knock sounded at the door. You gasped, wiping the tears away in panic.

"Y/N?" It was Alicia. "Are you alright? Can I come in?"

"Yes," you managed. "Yes, of course. It's your room too, after all."

The door clicked open. Alicia appeared, tanned skin completely clear and glowing, though each perfect feature was marred with empathy. "Fred's been begging every girl in the common room to come fetch you, but I told him to leave you be."

"Thank you," you said.

You cleared your throat. Alicia moved her weight from foot to foot, twisting her hands.

"I- Y/N. I won't pretend to know how it feels, but I promise you, Fred won't care. He's beside himself worrying that you're bedridden and dying or-" she laughed to herself, "or that you're still mad at him for the itching powder. What I mean is... he's a good guy, and you're upset. Maybe you should tell him what's wrong. He won't care."

You sniffed. "I know," you admitted, feeling the weight of her shifting the bed. "I know he's a great guy. I just wouldn't blame him if he, if he didn't like me anymore. If he found it ugly. I would understand it, and I think that makes it worse," you choked on your words, heat building behind your eyes.

"Oh, Y/N," Alicia said, placing a tentative but comforting hand on your shoulder.

You lay in quiet, listening to your own ragged breathing.

"I'll go talk to him," Alicia said.

"No! I mean, no. Thank you, but no. I... I'll speak to him myself."

Alicia nodded, rubbing your arm kindly.

The sound of the door clicking shut behind her finally spurred you into sitting up. You dressed in a hurry, chucking a wool jumper over last nights pyjamas.

He wouldn't care, would he? You cringed. Yes, he definitely would. Whatever was between you would stop. He'd have the grace to let you down slowly, drawing away his affections. He was a polite guy, he'd probably even say the whole spiel of "it's not you, it's me". But he would, eventually.

Well, you figured. Let it be quick. Like ripping off a bandaid.

You tread lightly down the steps, hoping to see him before he saw you.

Of course, when the slightest groan on the bottom step sounded, his lovely face whipped to meet yours. He smiled in relief, but it was mixed with something else. Disgust, your brain supplied nastily. He was disgusted. He rose to his feet, smiling smiling smiling. But something in his eyes was different, now.

"Y/N," he said.

"Hi," you said.

"Hi yourself, beautiful. Where've you been all day?"

"I'm... sick. Bad cold," you settled on.

He raised an eyebrow. "You sound okay," he said, not unkindly.

"I..." you looked down at your hands.

A siren was sounding in your head. You didn't think Fred had seen you without make up for the last 3 years. Fight or flight was leaning heavily towards flight.

"Well, are you hungry?"

You shook your head.

"Are you sure? You haven't eaten all day. You need something in your system if you're gonna fight this cold."

"I'm not actually sick, Fred," you admitted under your breath.

"I know."

You looked up. He was still smiling kindly. It was infuriating.

"Look," you said finally, rushed and all at once, "if you don't want to- if you're grossed out. Then it's fine, I'll understand if you don't want to see me anymore."

Fred was stricken.

"I know it's - ugly."

"Ugly? Nothing about you is ugly."

"Fred, my face-"

"No, listen to me, Y/N. It's not ugly. It's not gross. You're not any of those things, are you kidding?" he said, grabbing your hands. "You're beautiful. All the time, in the morning, afternoon and night. You're beautiful in charms and transfiguration and care of magical creatures. You were beautiful yesterday and you're beautiful today and you'll be even more so tomorrow." He stopped suddenly, looking down at your joined hands. His cheeks had turned bright red.

"Smooth, Freddie," came George's voice, from the sofa behind them.

"Shove OFF," exclaimed Fred, growing more red by the second. Heat filled your own cheeks.

"It's skin, Y/N. That's all it is."

"Okay," you said tightly, trying not to cry.

Fred breathed out, his hair shifting in response. His corded arms pulled you tight to his chest. You breathed him in. He smelled sweet and rough, like burning caramel.

He thought you were beautiful.

You smiled into his shirt.

<3<3<3

tag list: @msmimimerton

if you’d like to be added to a tag list, please ask ! for in general or for specific characters, i don’t mind

[trashyreptilian]

Lurking Danger, September 15th 1992 (Part 2)

----------------

Previous Parts:

Lurking Danger, September 12th 1992 (Part 1)

Next Parts:

Lurking Danger, September 15th 1992 (Part 3)

Lurking Danger, September 16th 1992 (Final Part)

----------------

Characters: Mark Heathcliff (he/him), Him (it/its) and Cesar Torres (he/him).

Summary: It's been a couple of days since Mark has heard from Cesar. Something felt off but he was so busy with work to think about it. However, he finally received a phone call from his friend. Unexpectedly, things take a turn for the worse from there. (Word count: +2 500)

----------------

Sitting alone in the break room and tightly holding his coffee cup, the drink had already gotten cold a while ago. Mark stared at the clock hanging on the wall next to the vending machine. All he could listen to was the ticking and his foot tapping under the table. Fucking hell, can time go any slower? Groaning and rubbing his eyes, he considered dipping early but he got in trouble for that last week. He leaned on the table, resting his head. Mark fought the urge to fall asleep right there and then but the door abruptly opened.

"Sorry, I usually come in sooner but I had to run some late-night errands, you can go now Mark. I'll take it from here." The co-worker said as they hung their jacket on the coat rack. Immediately getting up and grabbing his stuff while stealing some snacks along the way, he left without saying goodbye. FINALLY. Not sure how many more of these sudden night shifts I can take before I completely break down as a human being. He headed outside. At least I get paid more, I guess. That was the only reason he accepted these shifts in the first place, early independence costed him more than he had expected. But man, my sleep schedule is beyond repair. At this point, Him sleeps more than me. An alternate who doesn't even need to sleep.

As he reached for the exit door, Mark heard distant thunder and felt tiny raindrops dropping from the sky. Alright, I better get out of here. He started to walk faster while also trying to light up a cigarette before he got inside his car. Taking a deep breath and starting the engine, he was ready to head home. Along the empty roads, the streetlights got blurrier as Mark's vision was ruined by the rain. Water began gushing over the windscreen. The sounds were soothing, he lowered one of the car's windows to let some fresh air in. Man... After another shitty day at work, this is just what I needed. He let out a long sigh, feeling some sort of relief. If only that lasted longer because he suddenly remembered something. Oh, yeah... Stopping at a red light. How can I forget? Fuck. Throwing away his cig through the window as he waited for the green light. Can't forget about Cesar... Being missing for like, three days now. Waiting for a couple of minutes, he soon continued driving past the dead silent streets.

Mark hadn't heard from Cesar in a while. At first, he didn't think much of it, they don't exactly see each other as much anyway so there was nothing to worry about. However, when he received a phone call from one of the classmates, things got a bit more worrying. They had told him that he hadn't been in school for two days without notifying anyone. This was a red flag. Cesar is known for pretty much never skipping a day of class in his life and the fact that none of the teachers were informed, made the situation a lot more confusing. The school had contacted the parents about his absence but with their jobs in the airlines, it would take a while until they got back in town. There wasn't much Mark could do either, with his hands tied with work too. I hope he's sick or something... I should probably check on him tomorrow early in the morning. Stomach began to turn; he had a bad feeling in his gut. Something felt very off. Taking deep breaths, he tried to rationalize the situation in his head. Okay, come on, what's the worst that can happen? He's fine, let's not jump to some bullshit conclusions. It's only been three days.

Sighing then staring off at the road ahead of him, shutting away any negative thoughts he had. The sky was gloomy and darkened by the approaching storm clouds. Some time passed until Mark at last arrived to the apartment complex. Parking on the last remaining spot and getting out, he dashed off inside to avoid becoming soaking wet from the rain. Sluggishly walking up the stairs, he felt like his body was about to collapse at any moment. Once facing the door to his apartment, he yawned and searched for his keys. Where I put those damn things... Feeling around in his pockets and bag, once they were found, he unlocked the door.

Inside, he was greeted by loud high-pitched meowing coming towards him. He felt something climbing up his leg. "Hey there, you little rascal!" Picking up his young, still nameless, black kitten, he faintly smiled at it. Its tail was raised high up and eyes shined bright orange in the dimly lit living room. "Man, you've only been with us for a few days and I'm JEALOUS of the life you have. Sleeping, playing every day, and living rent-free." Putting his stuff and the kitten down, he walked up to the fridge and grabbed a can of cheap beer. As he enjoyed the cold beverage, the bedroom door eerily opened.

Him paused at the sight of Mark and gave a quick hand gesture as greetings. He waved back. "What's up?" Hmmm... Looks like it must have been busy with his reading. He noticed that it was holding some kind of book, quite big and wide. God, I hope it doesn't start to recite the entire book to me right now... I can barely lift this drink up to my damn mouth so if I have to sit through one of his lectures again, I'm dead. Although Mark actually loved listening to Him's ramblings, tonight, he was too tired to do anything. "Nothing much, just finished another book." Him put the book away in a shelf. "The phone's been ringing all day by the way." He shrugged while finishing the last few drops of alcohol. "Eh... They'll call again if they're serious. I'm going to bed." Stretching out his arms up, he headed to his bedroom.

"Wait." It grabbed on Mark's hoodie before he could leave. "What? What's wrong?" He turned around; the sudden grab startled him a bit.

"Have you eaten anything today?" Mark swiftly looked away and let out a quiet grunt. "If I say yes, can I go to bed in peace?" As soon as he finished that sentence, his stomach growled. Him folded its arms. "I'll take that as a no..." It walked to the kitchen. "Hey, hey, come on! Don't start cooking, I'm not hungry!" He followed it.

"You're stupid to think that I'm going to let you starve yourself again. Humans need at least three meals a day and I barely see you eat one." Him looked for something it could make, opening every cupboard. "Fine that’s true, but you know I can cook without your help, right?" Mark tried to pull Him away from the kitchen. It snickered in a mocking manner. "Must I remind you what happened the last time you went near the stove?"

"The fire was not THAT bad." He wanted to take that back immediately when it gave a judgmental look. "Okay, okay, you win." Begrudgingly giving up. "There's no stopping you so knock yourself out. But I'm still going to my bedroom, don't take forever." Mark left the living room.

Shutting the door behind him, he quickly flopped down onto his mattress. Fighting to keep his eyes open, he gazed at the window. It was still raining. I need to actually look at the books that I get for it, I don't ever remember buying anything about healthy eating or that sort of shit. Thought to himself. But I mean... Do I even have the right to be annoyed when it's just trying to take care of me? I'm enough of a mess as is. Turning to the other side of the bed, he began to doze off. But his nap was short-lived as a loud creaking sound woke him up. Feeling light tugging, he slowly opened one of his eyes. "Wake up, Mark..." Him softly whispered, kneeling down closely. "Huh, that was faster than I expected..." His voice slightly irritated, he sat up straight and took the plate that Him was holding. It cooked some eggs and added some tomatoes on the side. "I'm not leaving until you finish the plate." It fixated its stare onto him and his food.

"That's fine, thank you by the way..." Mark slowly ate the food, at times he missed his mouth. "Sorry for kinda snapping at you back there, I'm ... really exhausted from work." Deep down, he knew it wasn't just work that was tiring him. He couldn't keep his mind off about Cesar. Finishing the last bite of his dinner, he put the plate away and wrung his hands together.

"It's fine, I'm glad you finished the food even if it's a little late in the night." It turned its vision onto Mark. His head was hung down. "You do look a lot more than just tired however... Is there something troubling you?" Its voice had gone softer and concerned.

Mark lifted his head up. With the look of concern on his best friend's face, there was no point in lying. "I-...Uh..." Hesitation stuttered his words. "I... I haven't heard from Cesar for three days... What's worse is that he's gone missing from his school too. It doesn't feel right, it's not like him to stay quiet like this." Grabbing his arm, he felt his hand shaking.

"You don't think an alternate got to him, do you...?" Eyes widened, the sheer thought of his friend dying from an alternate made him uneasy.

Him's posture got more hunched than usual, it kept opening its mouth but quickly closing it at the same time. Uncertain what to say. "I... I honestly wouldn't know, Mark..."

"Maybe I'm being hysterical, I should get back to sleep... I'll check on Cesar tomorrow." Mark sighed and laid back on the mattress.

Getting up, Him went up to the window, opening it. Allowing the sound of rain to fill the room. "I'm certain Cesar's safe, try to get some rest." While Mark appreciated it trying to comfort him, he could tell from its voice, it was hesitant. "Yeah, maybe you’re right..." He wasn't sure if he was entirely convinced either. But perhaps some shut-eye will calm his mind. "Goodnight, Him." With that, shutting his eyes and covering himself in his sheets, he hoped to finally get some rest. "Goodnight." It left, closing the door carefully.

.

.

A few hours had passed, in deep slumber, suddenly waking up to Him shaking his shoulder. "Mark, wake up." He could barely bring himself to open up his eyes, his vision still adjusting to the surroundings. Gaining consciousness, head lifted up. "What?! What is it?" Slightly mad for his sleep being interrupted, he aggressively rubbed his face. "The phone is ringing..." Him stopped shaking Mark and began pulling on his arm. "What are you talking about?" At first, he didn't even notice the noises. But once he focused on it, the ringing echoed in the apartment. Him was right. "What the fuck...?" With help, he lifted himself up. Walking into the living room, stumbling along the way. They stared at the phone. He took a quick glance at their clock. 5 a.m... Who would call me this late...?

Walking up to the phone, he picked up the call. "Uh, hello...?" The momentarily dead silence, on the other person's end, nearly convinced him to hang up until a familiar voice answered. "Mark...? Mark is that you?" It was Cesar.

Holy shit... Wide-eyed, his stare froze onto the floor. "Cesar?! Cesar, where have you been?! I-"

"Shhhhhhhhhh...! Keep your voice down, it might hear us..." He swiftly cut him off. The clear shakiness and deep breathing, it was as if he was fighting for more oxygen. Mark's heart was racing. "What do you mean by... it might hear us...?" At that very moment, he knew that all of his worries were about to come true. "It followed me home, Mark..."

Mark's heart dropped; he took a brief look at Him. It was listening to everything, its expression, the same as his.

"I-...I don't know what to do... I've locked myself in the security room for three days. I haven't eaten or drank anything since... God, I'm so thirsty but I can't leave... It keeps taunting me... Knocking on the door, calling out to me with my loved ones' voices, I-..." From the sheer distress, Cesar was on the verge of tears, but he stopped himself. "...Nobody came for me, no matter how many times I called them... I haven't slept in so long... I need help... Please, I don't want to die..." At that point, he couldn't contain it anymore, he wept silently.

Clenching the phone tightly, Mark had little time now, a ticking bomb had been attached to his back. Knowing well that the emergency services wouldn't do anything, there was no point in contacting them. He had no choice, maybe this was an inevitability. But tonight, was the night. Cesar would see his best friend that he had been keeping secret for so many years. The idea was daunting, it didn't matter however. Mark wasn't going to let him die.

He gulped; the last thing he'd do is cause more stress on both of them. "Okay, okay, take deep breathes... I'm here, I'm here for you. You are not going to die, not on my watch." The crying died down a bit.

"Listen, whatever you do, stay in there. I'll go get help; you're getting out of there. Keep a watch on any windows inside your room, do you understand?" Despite sounding fairly collected, cold sweat poured down Mark's head.

Cesar sniffed. "Yes... I just want to get out. Don't leave me here..."

"I won't, I promise... Don't give up, Cesar. I'll get there as soon as I can." Mark put down the receiver.

"Shit..." He looked at Him, both were completely stunned by what occurred. "We have no choice now; I can't leave him to die... But he'll know... He'll know about you, about us..."

"It doesn't matter. I should have known that this wasn't going to stay disclosed for much longer." Him shifted its eyes down. "We are wasting time with pointless talking, prepare yourself, and take me to where your friend resides in."

He nodded and ran to get dressed. Familiar with aggressive alternate encounters before but this was different. In the past, Him only had to protect Mark and itself. Now, they actually had to save someone. Anything could happen from here. As he grabbed the car keys, he equipped his handgun as well. It's not much but it's better than nothing. Packing his pockets with extras bullets, he was ready to leave. "Alright let's go." Mark led the way and Him followed. Making their way outside, the black clouds were made all the more terrifying by the lighting roaring in the sky. Heavy rain poured down on them as they ran to the car. It was rather ironic how the weather earlier that day had been comforting, so soothing. Now, drastically changed to the exact opposite. Almost like a sign of things to come.

[biggest-stupidhead]

Heyy!!

I dont think there's such think as semen donors in aot cannon?

BUT WHAT IF Captain Levi agrees to be the donor to squad leader (or just cadet) reader in a platonic relationship/eventual romance?

Just cute ackerbabies!

Lmao you’re probably right, no semen donors in canonverse. But I honestly love this idea so much, I feel like it would be hard for Levi to make that romantic connection so I could see him making that choice, and maybe it developing into something more!

Summary: Levi can’t wait any longer to start a family, and you are willing to take that step with him.

Word Count: 1.7K

__

You choked on the small sip of tea that you had taken. Catching the small drops of liquid that had escaped your lips.

“Come again now?” You managed to form words after a moment, Levi seemed uninterested as always, those charcoal grey eyes dull and apathetic.

“You heard me just fine, you know that I hate repeating myself.” He scoffed as he shifted so that his leg was crossed over his opposite knee,

“Yes I heard you but....marriage?” You were shocked to say the least. Levi had never shown any prior interest in any long term relationship with anyone, although the two of you had hooked up a handful of times.

“I don’t see why not. We already share a room, not to mention that we-”

“Okay I get it, just...it’s a big commitment and I’m not sure that I’m-”

“Oh please, what else do we have to look forward to anymore? No more fighting, no more political issues to deal with might as well settle down and...” He trailed off, his gaze cast downwards into his cup of tea, which was probably cold by now. You sighed deeply, placing your cup down gently and leaning back into the sofa that the two of you were seated on. His arm was slung casually across the back of the sofa, his finger tips ghosting over your shoulder.

“I know but Levi...marriage?” you were a bit disappointed. He had said it so casually, as if he was asking you if you wanted to run to the market to grab apples.

“If you don’t want to then just say no.” He snapped, clearly getting frustrated, he rose to his feet and began to march towards his desk. You chased after him, catching his wrist. You knew it was difficult for him to express himself, to put things lightly or being considerate to your feelings.

“It’s not that...I’m just a little caught off guard.” You admitted as you held his wrist gently. He let out a breath that he had seemed to have been holding in, he turned and laced his fingers through yours, his other hand diving into his pant pocket. You waited patiently for him to say something, but he only pulled out a small black box. Your heart skipped a beat, this was more how you had pictured being proposed to. He fell onto his knee and opened the box slowly, revealing a modest silver ring with a small diamond embedded in the ring.

“Oh Levi...” Your fingers were still laced with his as he knelt down, you squeezed his hand affectionately.

“I already bought the damn ring, just say yes.” He grunted, averting his gaze as his thumb glided over your knuckle.

“You have a point there.” You chuckled as you gave him a small nod, which was enough of a yes for him.

__

You were married by the end of the month, a simple court house wedding with Armin and Mikasa as your witnesses. Afterwards you had gone home and eaten dinner as usual. Just another week, except now the sex that you and Levi occasionally had, became a hell of a lot more regular. You had no complaints, or at least that was until you were hunched over the kitchen sink puking your guts out. You had missed your period as well, and it didn’t take a genius to know what that meant. You decided to wait until you were certain to tell anyone this however, seeing how difficult pregnancy could be, and the unlikeliness of carrying to full term seemed high.

So you made sure to go to the doctor twice before telling Levi that you were pregnant. He’d had a very similar reaction that you’d had when he had asked to marry you.

He choked on his tea, his hand flying to his chin to catch the liquid.

“Pregnant?” He repeated, and you nodded, leaning against the table where he was sitting.

“H-How long until...”

“Give or take seven months.” You shrugged, trying to put on a brave face, after seeing how frazzled he was you wanted to make this as casual as the rest of your relationship.

“So...we should probably start cleaning out that spare room and-” You cut him off by kneeling down and placing a chaste kiss to his lips.

“We’ve got plenty of time for that, for now let’s just...enjoy not being responsible for a helpless shitty baby.” You said softly as you slowly sank onto his lap. He hummed his approval, but still seemed rightfully on edge.

“We can start cleaning the room in few weeks, there’s no rush.” You assured him as you scattered kisses across his sour face.

“I’ll start tomorrow.” Levi hummed as he tilted his head to the side.

__

Turned out that you were both in way over your head. Around 12 weeks into your pregnancy Hange was pressing her stethoscope to your rapidly swelling belly when she froze. Levi tensed when he noticed this, and you frowned.

“What is it?” Levi asked as he gripped the back of the exam table.

“Nothing’s wrong...just-”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing.” Levi scowled as he watched Hange continue to feel around your stomach.

“That’s cause it isn’t nothing, I’m hearing two heart beats.” Hange told you as she stood to her full height.

“Two heart beats?” You felt feint at the news, you had known that twins ran in your family but you had never expected to have them yourself.  

“Yes, it appears that you are having twins” Hange said with a wide smile as she folded up the stethoscope. Your vision blurred, the worry that you had been experiencing prior to the appointment had doubled along with the number of children you were having. 

“No shit.” Levi replied breathily as he held your shoulder firmly. 

“If I were you guys I’d go clean out that room now.” Hange advised as she cleaned up the space that you had been using as a makeshift exam room in her office. 

“I’ll get right on that.” Levi said, shooting you a concerned look as he helped you up onto your feet. 

__

The twins were born premature, the labor itself wasn’t nearly as bad as you had expected. But you realized that it wasn’t that bad because of how small they were. The only reason that they both survived was thanks to the Marleyan medical equipment that had been shipped over courtesy of Zeke and Yelena. You and Levi spent countless hours in the hospital as you awaited for the twins to be discharged. In that window of time you decided on names, it was difficult but you decided on Harrison and Harper. You weren’t surprised to find that they both took after their father, dark bluish grey eyes with a full head of black hair. The one thing they seemed to have gotten from you was your facial structure and your complexion. 

It was a massive relief to bring them home, now instead of staying up until the wee hours in the hospital you could do it in the comfort of your own home. 

One particular evening you were walking laps with Harrison, gently patting his back as you bounced off of your heels as he cried. On your third lap around the entire cottage, you peeked into the nursery to see Levi reclined on the rocker with Harper fast asleep. His eyes were closed, his naked chest rising and falling evenly as he slept. You envied him as you rubbed circles on Harrison’s back once more. His cries slowly died out and you managed to drag yourself to your bed and place Harrison down gently. Using the extra pillows, you managed to make a small barrier between him and yourself as well as the edge of the bed. It wasn’t often that you got to do this, seeing as you usually slept with Levi. But Harrison seemed content with laying in his dad’s spot for the night. His big blue eyes were watching your hair sway over his face as you adjusted the pillows. He cooed and babbled for a few minutes before falling silent, his tiny breaths putting you at ease. 

It couldn’t have been but an hour later when the sound of Harper crying woke you once more. Levi was pacing around the same way that you had been earlier before he finally managed to put her at ease. He returned to your room to see you sitting up, Harrison fast asleep at your side. 

“Care to join us?” You asked, voice gruff with sleep, or rather the lack there of. 

“Would I ever.” Levi groaned as he placed Harper in the pillow barrier with Harrison who was still fast asleep. He managed to squeeze onto the bed, laying on his side like you were as the two of you watched Harper sooth herself into sleep. His gaze left the small baby in favor of studying your features. 

“What would you have done if I had never asked you to marry me?” The question caught you off guard, your fingers were tracing the soft features of your babies. You hummed in thought but the answer was already on the tip of your tongue. 

“I’d have asked you to marry me.” You said with a wry smile and Levi rolled his eyes at your cheesy reply. 

“That’s not what I meant...well not really.” Levi grumbled, you paused again in thought. What would you have done? Certainly no more military work, that chapter was over for you. 

“Maybe I’d open a bakery. My grandmother left me all of her recipes. What would you do?” You asked, finger running along the soft dark locks of hair that were growing from Harrison’s head. 

“I’d open a tea shop.” Levi answered quickly, his own gaze back on the babies, his hand resting on Harper’s stomach, rising and falling with her breathing. 

“Why don’t we just say fuck it and do it?” You asked, not sure if you were serious or if it was the lack of sleep talking. 

“There was that space for lease last time we went into town...” Levi offered thoughtfully. 

“Yeah, we could fix it up and open a cafe.” You said excitedly as you leaned over the sleeping babies in hopes of coaxing a kiss from Levi. He nodded in agreement before leaning over and planting a kiss to your lips. 

“We’ll talk about it in the morning. Go to sleep.” Levi sighed as he stretched out on his side, and closing his eyes. You smiled and mirrored him, your hand resting on Harrison’s stomach now as well, your fingertips brushing his. 

You knew that you’d made the right choice. Marrying Levi was the best decision that you’d made in a long time. It may not look like the typical love story, but you knew that it was real, realer than most relationships. And you wouldn’t want to have it with anyone else. 

[fallingforunrealisticromance]

Just so I could call you mine part 2 - Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader

It's finally here! I'm sorry for the wait, I've only really been able to write at night - my day's have been kinda busy at the moment. But it's finished. It's quite long so sorry about that. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as you enjoyed part 1:)

Also (following a theme here) this is loosely based off of the song 'Enough for you' by Oliva Rodrigo

* = time skip

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 3503

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a month since the argument. Well, I say argument, but I think downfall of the one thing that made me want to get up in the morning would be more accurate. After I’d broken down on Emily’s shoulder that night, she took me back to her place. The whole time I was there, part of me kept wishing for the phone to ring and for it to be him. It didn’t feel real. For the first few days I clung to the shred of hope that he might pull me aside at work to apologise, tell me he was wrong and wanted me back. But seeing as this is my life, that opportunity never came. We hadn’t spoken since that night. Even on cases, he would find ways to avoid talking to me. I can’t say I blame him, he’s a shitty man. And when shitty men do shitty things, they tend to run from it.

I walked into the bullpen laughing with Garcia. All the girls had really looked after me and I couldn’t be more grateful.

“Hey there pretty ladies” Morgan said, sauntering over to us.

“Why hello there handsome. Here to make us yours?” Garcia replied playfully.

“Only if you’ll have me.” Morgan bantered. Garcia just laughed before heading to her cave.

“So how are you gorgeous?” He said throwing his arm round my shoulder.

“I’m doing good. In desperate need for coffee. Don’t get me wrong I love Garcia but after only 3 hours of sleep, her bubbliness this early on has taken it out of me” I explained as we headed to the coffee machine. Derek dropped his arm and stood next to me, allowing me to make my drink.

“Only three hours huh? You having trouble sleeping?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“No, I just choose to run on as little energy as possible.” I retorted sarcastically, prompting an eye roll from him.

“You know what I meant.”

“Yeah I do, it’s just” I sighed looking down at my coffee.

“Hey.” Derek nudged my arm slightly. “What’s on your mind?” I chewed at the inside of my cheek nervously before answering.

“I guess I’m still adjusting to sleeping by myself.” I admitted. Derek nodded, wearing a sympathetic look on his face. “It’s so stupid, I should be over this by now. I mean I am over him but it’s just certain things like…ugh I don’t know. It’s just stressful.” I ranted.

“It’s normal baby. You went from, what was it nine months?”

“Eleven.” I corrected.

“Right so you went from 11 months of having someone next to you all the time, to suddenly nothing. It’s bound to take some getting used to.” He reasoned. I knew he was right. But something about the way Hotch had essentially picked up where he left off with Haley made me feel so stupid for still being hung up over him.

“Come on, let’s go see if boy genius can tell us something fun.” Derek joked as we walked back to our desks.

***********************************************************************

The day was almost over, and we’d had no cases, which allowed us to sort through old case files and tidy things up. As boring as that may sound, it was actually a nice break from the horrors we see on a daily basis.

“Right.” Emily said, stretching back in her chair. “I think I’m gonna head out.”

“And leave me here with the men?” I replied, pretend fear laced in my voice.

“I’m so sorry honey. You can do it I believe in you” Emily joked. The boys just swapped an annoyed look. “Sergio awaits me, so I’ll see you all tomorrow.” She said collecting her things.

“Bye Em.” I called after her. But just as she was about to leave JJ rushed into the bullpen.

“Emily stops where you are.” Emily groaned and turned around.

“Jayje I swear to god if you tell us we have a case, as much as I love you, I will be hurling my bag at your head.” Emily said. JJ just laughed at her.

“No, it’s nothing bad guys, but Rossi has invited us to dinner.” She said smiling. The way she looked at us made it seem like she was looking for some type of reaction.

“Okay? Something special about today?” Derek asked.

“Yeah that’s nice of him and all JJ but I’m really tired. Sitting in a crowed Chinese restaurant really wasn’t really what I planned to do tonight” Emily replied. JJ sighed.

“Fine. I mean if none of you want to come back to Rossi’s mansion for a bite to eat then I get that. Have a nice night with your cat Em.” JJ turned to walk away but at the sound of us all scrambling out of our seats, she turned back and laughed.

“Screw Sergio I wanna explore this guy’s house.” Emily said walking over to JJ.

“God you lot are so nosy” She joked as we all walked down to the parking lot.

“What do you expect? The guys a mystery so if there’s an opportunity to snoop of course we’d take it.” I chuckled.

“I just wanna see if he has a first drafts of his books lying around. I can almost imagine how much he left out.” Reid piped up.

“Of course, that’s what you wanna see pretty boy” Derek said patting Reid on the shoulder. We all hoped into our separate cars to go home and change before re convening at Rossi’s.

******************************************************************

The night was going great. It was so nice to be able to just take a night off – eat, drink, chat – without the stress of a case looming over our heads. Not to mention Rossi’s house was incredibly impressive. I mean if I could somehow make this man my sugar daddy and inherit this place, I’d be on it in an instant. Aaron was here, which didn’t surprise me. But what did is how relaxed he was. I’d seen it all the time when we were together but somehow seeing it tonight felt strange. Almost as if he’d dismissed the whole situation.

“Okay I wasn’t that bad guys.” Emily protested, snapping me from my thoughts.

“You told Spencer you were going to kill him if he didn’t stop being so loud.” Hotch said.

“That’s understandable on a hangover.” Emily reason.

“Em, I was just turning the pages of my book.” Spencer replied laughing. Emily spluttered over her words, but nothing came out causing the rest of us to join spencer. Suddenly the doorbell rang out. We all looked around confused.

“We’re not expecting anyone else are we?” Garcia asked.

“Um” Aaron cleared his throat.

“I think I might know who that is.” My heart sunk as he got up and walked to the door. Everyone swapped a look, trying to catch my eye but I just starred ahead of me. He wouldn’t have actually invited her. Right?

“Hey honey.” Her voice travelled through the halls causing my heart to not only sink even further, but completely shatter in the process. At least at work I could block out the fact he was with her but now he was just rubbing salt in the wound. Emily finally caught my gaze and shot me a supportive look. I just nodded, offering a tight-lipped smile. Eventually the pair of them came back.

“Hey guys, you know Haley.” Hotch said, looking slightly uncomfortable. Everyone greeted her politely enough, but it didn’t take a profiler to feel the shift in the atmosphere.

“Let me get you a chair.” Rossi said, going to stand up. “No, it’s fine, I’ll just sit here” She stated before promptly positioning herself in Aaron’s lap. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I couldn’t watch this. The seven of us sat in a cripplingly awkward silence for a few moments before JJ finally spoke up.

“So, um Haley, how’s jack doing?” She asked politely. “Oh, he’s doing great. Very happy to have his daddy around a lot more now.” Haley responded in a smug tone. As she spoke, she glanced over at me. Clearly noticing my appearance, she threaded her fingers through Aaron’s hair. I averted my gaze, opting to study the details of Rossi’s floor. I heard Hotch clear his throat, almost as if he wanted her to stop. “

I’m glad he’s happy.” JJ replied.

“So am I. Before it was just so hard what with his job and, well – other arrangements – Aaron barely had time for his own son you know. But luckily that’s all been dealt with now.” Haley leant forward and I heard her placing a kiss on his cheek. I couldn’t take this anymore; she was clearly taunting me and as I much as I hated giving into her games – this was so much worse.

“Excuse me.” I said, standing up and heading towards the garden. It took everything inside of me not to break down right then and there. But the minute I reached the garden I lost it. The tears streamed down my face as I tried to quiet my sobs. My heart ached. It felt like everything was crashing down around me. My chest felt hollow. I thought I was over this, over him. I could feel my knees growing weak under me so opted to sit by the edge of the pool, in the hopes to grab some sense of normality. It was a nice night out. It was summer so still warm, but there was enough of a breeze to keep it bearable. I’m sure if looked up I would’ve been able to see the stars, but I was transfixed on the water. Suddenly I heard the back door open. I didn’t turn around, not wanting to face whoever it was.

“I’ve always wanted a pool.” Emily’s voice came from beside me. She sat down, placing her legs in the water next to mine. “I’d love to have this house too.” She stated taking in her surroundings. “What do you say, wanna take Rossi down together and claim all this for ourselves?” She asked nudging my arm. I let out a stiff chuckle but didn’t say anything. Emily took a deep breath before she spoke.

“I’m sorry you had to sit through that” Her voice was sincere. “I don’t know if Hotch invited her, or she just rocked up, but it was out of order either way.” I nodded not trusting my voice right now. “You should know, the rest of us were just as angry. Derek left a few moments after you. He went into the kitchen, but he didn’t come back. I had to send Spencer after to him just to check he wasn’t tearing the place up.” She said light-heartedly. That gave me some comfort, to know I wasn’t being overly sensitive. She let her words hang in the air for a moment and we enjoyed the stillness of the night.

“I just thought.” I began, my voice rough from crying. “That maybe it wasn’t real. Maybe they weren’t actually back together you know?” I turned my gaze towards Emily. She understood. That was one of my favourite things about her. No matter what the situation, whether she’d experienced it herself or not, she was always so deeply empathetic that it helped.

“Listen, nothing I say right now is going to make this any easier. Sure, I could sit here and tell you what a douche bag he’s being” I smiled at her words. “But I know that wouldn’t change anything for you. So, I’ve just come to let you know that we’re all here for you. Take as much time as you need, and when you feel comfortable, come back and join us inside.” She said squeezing my hand.

“Thank you Em. For everything.” She just smiled before standing up and heading inside. By this point I’d stopped crying. You know that moment of calm you experience right after you’ve stopped crying, just before the headache or tiredness kicks in, that is probably my favourite feeling. Which sounds somewhat depressing, but everything just feels so at ease in that moment. Unfortunately, I could not bask in it for long as I heard the back door slide open once again. Thinking it was Emily I called out to her.

“Please don’t tell me I’m going to come in there and see you forcing Rossi to sign us into his will.” I joked, turning around. But instead of being greeted with my friends’ heart-warming chuckle, I saw the man who’d caused this little escape to the garden. It was Aaron.

“Hotch.” I said surprised, scrambling to stand up.

“Hi.” He replied. He looked nervous, relentlessly fidgeting with his hands. It wasn’t normal.

“Why are you here?” I didn’t bother trying to make small talk. What would be the point?

“Um, well I…I just wanted to…” His voice trailed off as he looked to the ground. “Can we sit down?” He asked after a moment. I nodded and made my way over to the beautiful table Rossi had. Aaron sat down but didn’t say anything, just starred ahead of him.

“Are you going to talk or what?” I said bluntly. He looked surprised at my tone but cleared his throat before answering me.

“I just wanted to check on you.” His voice was low, almost as if he didn’t want me to hear what he was saying.

“Check on me?” I replied clearly irritated.

“Yeah I mean you just took off back there, so I wanted to make sure you were okay” He said literally looking anywhere but me. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He’d spent a whole month doing the most to avoid talking to me and now, not only he dangles his happiness in my face , but he also has the audacity to ask if I’m okay?

“Yeah I wonder why that is?” I shot back. Hotch went to reply but I cut him off. “No no let’s think about it. What could have possibly made me leave? Was it the fact that Derek telling a story? Nope that doesn’t seem to be it.” I said sarcastically. “Oh, maybe Spencer was rambling about something random? No doesn’t sound right? Gosh I just – I don’t know what it could have been. You got any ideas” I continued. Hotch starred at me, annoyed by my games but not enough to reply. “Wait I remember, it was the fact that my ex-boyfriend just wanted to shove the fact that he’s moved on and obviously didn’t give a fuck about me or our relationship further down my throat!” I concluded, standing up to leave.

“That is not fair.” He called after me. I stopped in my tracks, the anger growing inside of me.

“What? What about that is unfair to you?” I replied folding my arms over my chest.

“For you to say I didn’t care about our relationship” he said, his voice laced with annoyance. I scoffed at his words.

“Really? I think it’s perfectly fair considering how you’ve acted. It’s clear that you have no respect for me or what we were.”

“Just because I spend more time with Haley now doesn’t mean that I’ve just disregarded our entire relationship.” He sounded exasperated.

“Spend more time with her? Hotch she was practically fucking you on the chair in there.” I yelled. I’d tried so hard not to lose it but his lack of understanding right now was getting too much for me. “I loved you so much. I gave everything I had into that relationship, and you’ve thrown it all back in my face over one twisted story that your wife decided to spin.” I ran my fingers through my hair trying to calm down. The last thing I needed was for the rest of the team to hear this. Although I didn’t care if Haley did. That bitch. “I don’t know what I did wrong to make you choose her. Maybe I just wasn’t as interesting as her, but you could not have cared less about someone who loved you more. She dragged you down, manipulated you into believing it was your fault that she fucked those other guys. Or when she made you feel bad for choosing to stay in a job that literally makes the world as safer place for people like her or Jack. All I ever wanted was to support you and be there for you to lean on. I wanted to be that one person you could turn to when you felt like the world was crumbling down and you would feel okay. I just wanted to be enough for you. Because that’s what you were for me.” I ranted. Unfortunately, this time I’d been unable to hold back my tears, but I was hoping the darkness of the garden would hide that. Aaron looked crushed, almost guilty. Part of me hurt to seem him like that but another part reminded me he deserved it. I’d say he broke my heart, but he broke much more than that.

“You were that to me too.” He mumbled. His voice was so quiet I wasn’t sure I’d heard him. Clearly noticing my lack of response, he continued. “You meant so much to me and I can’t tell you how painful it’s been without you.”

“Doesn’t really seem like that” I scoffed. He sighed before walking over to me.

“Listen the thing with Haley-“

“If you’re about to tell me why you’re back together with her, please don’t. I can’t handle that right now.” I begged.

“No listen. We aren’t together.” His words took me by surprise.

“What?”

“The night everything kicked off, I’m not going to lie – I did believe her. I mean when she told me that you’d told JJ everything about the divorce, yeah I was mad. It took me so long to open up to you about that, you know the insecurities and the fact I thought Jack was going to resent me or not want me in his life. I trusted you and you just threw it out the window.” I starred at him in shock, unable to speak. Hotch being who he was picked up on my reaction. “What is it?” He asked.

“I can’t believe that’s what she told you.” I said utterly blown away by the fact that Haley was able to lie about something so huge with such ease.

“What do you mean? Are you trying to tell me that’s not what happened?” He sounded apprehensive.

“It couldn’t be further from the truth. She called me to ask where you were and when you’d be home. She must have thought I was lying because then she called JJ. JJ told her she knew she’d rung me and then she hung up.” I explained. Hotch looked just as confused. “I would never tell anyone those things Aaron. No matter how much you hurt me.” He didn’t reply. He looked so torn. “I tried to explain that to you on the night, but you weren’t listening.” I spoke. That caught his attention.

“I know I just felt so betrayed I guess it blinded me.” He replied. “The only reason I’ve stayed as close with her as I have recently is because she was going to keep me away from Jack. I know she had no solid grounds to hold that to and we could have taken it to court if it had gotten that bad, but fathers hardly ever win full custody. I didn’t want to risk it.” He explained. I nodded.

“I understand.” I got it. Jack was his world. And losing him might have just broken him. “

I can’t begin to explain how sorry I am that I let her get between us. I should’ve known, I-I should’ve trusted you.” He rambled. He begun pacing back and forth.

“Hey.” I reached out a grabbed his arm. “Yes you should have trusted me, I’m not going to act like what happened didn’t hurt. But you’re not a mind reader Aaron. You believed the first story you heard. I get it.” I reasoned. Tentatively, he reached out and took my hands in his, rubbing gentle circles with his thumbs.

“I missed you. Everyday.” He whispered.

“I did too. I loved you.” I replied softly. His gaze caught mine.

“Loved?” He asked his eyes wracked with worry.

“Part of me still does. I can’t just shut those feelings down. But what you did broke me. And I don’t want to risk that happening again.” I confessed. He nodded.

“I guess I’ll just have to prove myself to you. Because trust me, you’re all I want. And I’ll wait however long you need me to.” He replied. I smiled up at him and wrapped my arms around his neck as his arms travelled to my waist. Maybe we would get back together or eventually just drift apart, but right now I had my best friend back. And that’s all I cared about.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tag list: @jhiddles03 @rexit-mo @gothicwidowsworld @donttellanyoneireadfanfiction @llilithsdaughter @azenpal @captainrogers-19 @ijustwannaread2k19 @spngirl05 @stiles-argent24 @joyofbebbanburg @romanogersendgame

[aching-tummies]

If I was your partner...I'd want to catch you after a long, long day of misfortune forced you to go without breakfast, or lunch, and you've missed your usual dinnertime by at least a couple hours. You finally get home with your empty belly rumbling VERY audibly; pressing your arm against your tummy as you close the door behind you does nothing to silence the furious growls. You'd collapse on the couch next to me and quickly start trying to soothe your starving tummy with rubs, softly whimpering as your belly clenches tighter and tighter...so I'd pull in you up to sit on my lap and rest my hands on yours. I'd love to just feel the intense churning grumbles and powerful starved roars against our hands, as well as hear them, before even considering feeding you~

After a while, I'd start teasing you about how hungry you'd have to be by then, occasionally squeezing and poking your whining tummy to draw out harsher rumbles and make you moan and plead for me to make something to eat, or at least some kind of snack, but for a while I would just play with your empty belly, kneading in circles to make it more active...make it clench and twist harder. I'd see just how long you could last before I finally get up and make something for you...and even then once you started eating I would keep rubbing and "massaging" your guts, causing the cacophony to grow even louder and more insistent; begging for more despite how quickly you'd be stuffing your face.

"...You finally get home with your empty belly rumbling VERY audibly; pressing your arm against your tummy as you close the door behind you does nothing to silence the furious growls..."

I step into our home quietly, trying not to make too much noise and disturb anything. Also, I'm kind of embarrassed about my tummy. Skipping one meal, maybe two...yeah, must've been busy...but all three mealtimes? Only an idiot would let themselves get this hungry. Though...to be honest...after lunchtime came and went I kind of saw this as something I wanted. The gnawing ache started to tickle my kinky side just a little. I wanted this. I wanted to see how long I could endure...to see how long I could let myself enjoy the active squirming and clenching of my guts.

Trying to focus on work was next to impossible as I my attention was constantly tugged toward the state of my hollow guts with each and every cramp and growl. I nearly caved on the way home. The bus stop is next to a burger joint and I could smell the heavenly scent of salt and grease in the air...but the bus was just pulling into my stop as I neared and I didn't want to wait however long for the next one...so home without food it was. The ride back was excruciating. The scents from the burger joint had stimulated my appetite and my tummy was snarling and growling throughout the whole ride. The cramps were cranked up to eleven with the newly awoken appetite and it hurt a lot. Thank heavens the other passengers all had their headphones in. I set my bag on my lap and was squeezing my empty tummy the whole way, trying to calm it out of fear that it would embarrass me in public. I couldn't help but let out a few soft moans because it hurt so much.

I'm kind of apprehensive about letting you in on the state of my starving tummy. Like a dog with a toy or something, a part of me wants to keep this gnawing feeling to myself to enjoy. An audible growl triggered by my arm pressing into my stomach as I bend over to set my bag down foils that though. There's no way you didn't hear that.

I'm in the hallway that has our front door on one end and the couch you're perched on at the other--literally two sides of an echo chamber. You'd have to be completely deaf not to hear that grumble and we both know you're keenly attuned to even the subtlest noises from my tummy. Also, you were expecting my starving state. You knew I skipped out on breakfast because my alarm failed to wake me in time to catch breakfast and my bus to work. I texted you after having missed lunch by a matter of hours, sharing a bit about the state of my neglected innards...and you had promised to have dinner waiting whenever I managed to come home.

"...You'd collapse on the couch next to me and quickly start trying to soothe your starving tummy with rubs, softly whimpering as your belly clenches tighter and tighter..."

"Babe? Y-you said in the text that you'd have dinner ready...ouch...w-when are we e-eating? Ugh…ow…m-my tummy really hurts…’m so hungry…"

"...so I'd pull in you up to sit on my lap and rest my hands on yours. I'd love to just feel the intense churning grumbles and powerful starved roars against our hands..."

"Y-you w-wanna--you wanna get into *that*? Now? Ugh...fine...b-but I really need to eat some time tonight. My tummy *really* hurts; I'm not going to be able to sleep like this. Babe? Are you listening to me?"

Clearly, you're not. You are completely transfixed on my tummy. Your hands have taken over on my stomach, somehow having pushed mine aside to lay directly over my achingly empty tummy. Your palms press into my midriff, jostling my digestive organs and stimulating my appetite just as the fast-food joint had done. I didn't think it was possible, but what you've done actually hurts more than the smell of food did at the bus stop. It was a gradual clenching and the growls sort of built up slowly and naturally on the bus. Under your undulating ministrations the cramps are forced into a head faster than they'd form on their own. Premature growls and grumbles are being squeezed into resounding throughout my hollow innards. Your palms create a cacophony of growls all over my guts--interrupting each other, flowing and crashing into each other. Dear gosh it hurts. My guts feel like they are liquifying. It feels like my gastric acids have burned through every which way in the hunt for sustenance and your palms are causing the burning mess to spread. Clearly, you’re an agent of hunger and want it to succeed in devouring my innards.

"Aaahh...OUCH! N-Not there...ugh...ow...t-that hurts...d-don't p-oke...ow...i-it's really t-tight there...y-yeah...i-it's cramping there...n-NO! D-don't squeeze it! Please...it...HURTS!"

My protests fall on deaf ears--what a time for you to choose to be selectively deaf, acutely aware of every noise from my guts but your brain not really caring to register a word out of my mouth. It's fine. We have safe-words. One word and all of this stops and you'll bring out the dinner you're hiding from me.

"Ugh...fine. We can play for a little while--but I'm watching the 11'o clock news. There was an incident on the transit lines and I want to know what it was that caused me to hug my grumbling tummy for an extra forty minutes on the way home as the bus took a HUGE detour."

"...After a while, I'd start teasing you about how hungry you'd have to be by then, occasionally squeezing and poking your whining tummy to draw out harsher rumbles and make you moan..."

"Shh...babe, I'm try'na watch the news—Yeah, I know I’m hungry. You know it. I know it. Shut up. It's ON!"

Your fingers push into a hunger pang reaching its climax and I swear its retaliation for shushing you as rudely as I am. I can’t help it. I’m irritable. The hunger pangs are intensifying. I like my news. I like to be informed and I have a personal stake in the news story on right now. It’s hard to focus when my tummy is straining in a cramp and it’s impossible to hear the guy on the T.V. when your “massage” is causing the growls to grow in intensity, duration, and volume. Of course you have the remote too.

"Ugh...really, babe? Now? Welp, that was the story I wanted to listen to."

I’d love to stay upset at you, but my stomach lets out a long, impassioned groan and my throat soon joins it as I moan around a building cramp, curling over your hand pressed into my belly. I forget my foiled news as my entire world shrinks to the sensation reverberating in my abdomen. Hollow is an understatement. I feel like a large hole has opened inside of me and everything is being pulled into it. You grin and press your hand deeper, intensifying the hunger pang.

"...I would just play with your empty belly, kneading in circles to make it more active...make it clench and twist harder. I'd see just how long you could last..."

In my head I’m thinking that I want to draw the line at midnight or something. I want to go to bed at a reasonable hour—after all, I’ve still got a full shift tomorrow too. I can’t seem to focus on the thought long enough to voice it though. You mentioned something about wanting to see how long I can stick this out for. I haven’t eaten in more than twenty-four hours. You know that. I’d love to shove that fact in your face but the way you say it in that teasing, seductive way of yours makes me see this as a challenge. On top of it all, it’s been a stressful week. We haven’t seen much of each other and both of us are starved for tummy-kink because we haven’t had a chance to indulge in far too long.

“Ergh…b-babe…y-you’re making it worse. I-It hurts.”

You know exactly what you’re doing and you revel in it as I squirm in your lap, trying to force your hand to leave some of the more tender areas of my stomach alone. We’ve done this enough times for you to know which areas of my digestive system are especially sensitive in whatever state I am in. You know exactly where to put your hands and where to push and squeeze to over-stimulate my stomach. You know exactly what buttons to push to get me to the peak of the hunger pangs and to prolong that moment and freeze my tummy in the most painful part of it all…before letting it go and causing a very audible grumble.

The rumbles from my stomach aren’t just audible, but totally palpable too. With the frequency of the growls you’ve managed to inflict I honestly feel like I swallowed a vibrator or something and it is now going to town in my guts. You feel every vibration and every cramp under your palm.

“…I finally get up and make something for you...and even then once you started eating I would keep rubbing and "massaging" your guts, causing the cacophony to grow even louder and more insistent; begging for more despite how quickly you'd be stuffing your face.”

We’ve done this long enough for you to know what I am thinking. You know I have a full shift tomorrow and you know I’m exhausted. As much as we’d both love to continue our fun, it’s so late that it is early now and if I don’t get to bed in an hour or two I’m going to be tackling a full shift with next to no sleep.

We eat on the couch with me sitting between your legs. We’re lounging across the couch so I’m actually reclined against your front. Your hands are still on my tummy as I eat. Occasionally, you grip my hand that holds the utensil and bring it to my lips, impatient that I’m taking so long to eat. I’m worried about a couple of things: too much and too fast.

I was starving, so I basically inhaled the first half of my plate. I slowed down for the second because my stomach was flipping at the sudden influx of food. There’s a dull ache in my stomach that’s the telltale sign of a bad night of indigestion for me. You only started this utensil-pushing when I started in on the second half at a noticeably slower pace than the first.

My stomach is still audible, but for a very different reason. I’m not full (yet), but if I manage to finish the whole plate I will be. I wonder if my stomach capacity shrank after more than twenty-four hours without food. My tummy feels really packed now and there is still food on the plate.

“Ugh…babe…slow down. M-my tummy’s starting to hurt…y-yeah…i-it was hurting before too…b-but now…ugh…I-I don’t want to get sick. I don’t want to have an upset tummy…I-I just…I just want to sleep tonight…”

Your “massage” churns up my stomach contents. It both upsets things and soothes at the same time. It’s an odd feeling. I feel like a laundry machine or something with how active your hands have made my guts. I can feel everything swirling around inside me and it’s slightly nauseating.

Eventually, we head to bed, me lugging my almost-stuffed tummy as though I’m hoisting a bowling ball. I let out a sharp belch as I flop onto the bed, the movement jostling my guts enough to make me moan. There’s too much pressure in my tummy. I lie back and rub at it with lethargic movements. You’re not here, likely getting ready for bed.

I feel the bed dip announcing your arrival. The movement disrupts the swirling churning in my guts and I let out a moan around a wet belch as my stomach burbles in warning.

“G’night.” You call out, intending on going straight to sleep. My hand snaps out and I grip your wrist, startling you. There’s silence as I gasp around a pocket of gas that seems to be struggling to pick an end of my esophagus. As it passes, I glare at you. My burbling stomach is the only noise in the otherwise quiet bedroom.

“Oh no—you’re not getting of that easy.” I gesture to my slightly distended stomach. “I can’t sleep like this. It. Hurts. You caused this. You’re going to fix it. I’m exhausted. I went from achingly empty to basically nauseatingly stuffed thanks to you. I’m going to sleep and I do not want to wake up to an upset tummy tomorrow morning—so *you’re* going to stay up and fix this.” I bring your hand to my grumbling belly.

You grin. So many possibilities. You could refuse and let me suffer all night. You could have some more fun with my stomach at the other extreme and keep us both up. You could do as I ask, but where’s the fun in that? Maybe I’ll end up sleeping through my alarm again…or you’ll just go ahead and shut it off/alter it so that we can repeat all of this again tomorrow…’cuz damn if that wasn’t fun.

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Kaz Brekker x fem! Reader - Dark Grey

A/n: So this was request but I couldn't find who requested it (and it wasn't anonymous!) So whoever did just give me a hey! This is literally the longest fic I have ever written.

Warnings: Blood, gore, death, sad Kaz, language, torture, Parem I think that's it? You have been warned!

Summary: Your a double agent for the dregs

"Come on you little shits, we have a job to do." One of the higher ups of the Dime Lions yells at some men at some tables at the Emerald Palace in the back.

Little birds have told me that people have been raving about this place being extravagant, but it's really just extra dramatic if you ask me. The green of the building is like someone drunk from the Crow Club wandered over here and puked on it and someone just decided the color looked pretty, so they mixed some glitter and red and pow. There you have it.

That may just be me though.

I start to get up with all the others but the man who just yelled, jets hand in front of me, fast like I'm going to run off.

"The boss wants to talk with you about getting you higher status." The man growls obviously not happy about someone who could be possibly taking his spot and he's probably not happy it could be a girl. Well sucks too suck.

I almost nod and have an emotionless face on but I realize that's the real me would do that, have have to be Cozbi and she's a little naive. But she's good enough if Pekka wants to notice her.

I let a smile crawl on my face; "Well I guess your just going to have to tell Mr. Rollins I would be delighted." I say nearly flirting with an accent, but more taunting like as I twirl my tailored unnatural bright red hair (like it's VERY bright) around my finger and I grin like a popular school girl.

"I'm not your messenger." The man scowls.

"But boss wants you up there in five minutes." He snaps and goes off face all red.

I barely even manage keep into place long enough as the men walk out to start their job. As soon as they do I speed off to a bathroom and I write on a piece of paper in a stall.

Giving me higher status, think he's getting suspicions though. Their going on a job tomorrow night to take out the Blacktips. Amush. Pekka also got a stash of Parem. Don't know why. Stay Safe, don't give clues. Frame someone.

-Your favorite person from the barrel

I open the window above my stall and I do a low whistle.

Fweet. Fweet.

A crow comes and lands on the window sill I grin slightly and my (also tailored) e/c eyes touch down on the raven haired bird. I'm reminded of Kaz's raven hair and his dark brown eyes as I hand him the folded note and the bird tilts it's head and takes the note and fly's off.

I flush the toilet and hurry out heading to Pekka's office.

I open the door slowly priding myself for being exactly a minute late, it works really well for who I'm playing. I see Pekka siting in his chair but instead of waiting for me like I thought he would be. Right now though he's reading something with a almost confused look on his face.

Shit.

"Well, well, well Cozbi your finally here." Pekka smiles not a nice smile - though he is a barrel boss.

The door shuts behind me and someone shoves me to the ground and people surround me and hold me in place.

"Or should I say Y/n." And then everything goes black.

_______________Time skip a few hours in a random warehouse (not that you know that)😈😈😈___________________________________

I slowly open my eyes and I look around the place. I'm tied to chair there's no light in the room so it's hard to make out anything but I think the floor is concert but the walls are wood.

Cheap.

"I didn't think you would be up so soon Y/n... Well this is a surprise." Rollins says and then in flash stabs a dagger into my stomach.

My scream fills the air as he pulls the knife out. I make my voice quiver I can still be Cozbi, I can still be Cozbi.

"I-I don't know who Y/n-Y/n is sir-sir." I stutter but my entire body is on fire from being in enough interrogations before. It's telling me to be harsh to not get to the point, but I might be able to get out of here if I play the part.

He takes my jaw and shoves it forward harshly. "We already know who you are L/n. Y/n L/n the dregs notorious double agent that never gets killed or even better caught."

Pekka smiles sadistically.

"I'm going to make sure this story ends in red." He laughs.

He goes to leave but he puts his hand up.

"And make sure she's can't see." His henchmen put a blindfold on me as I hear the door close. I can feel them coming closer and I hear one smack something on the ground that must have been a bat.

"Let's have some fun girly." I tug at my bonds hopelessly and helplessness fills my body.

________TIME SKIP_________________________________________

My screams ring this room for the next week.

Or what I at least think is a week. There's no windows in here so it's hard to tell when time pass's. Pekka doesn't come back again but I know his coming soon because his henchmen have been worse than usual because they want a raise or something.

I gave up thinking Kaz would come. I remember what he told me last time I saw him before I went on this mission.

We won't come for you if you get caught and it's only a matter of time before you do.

I messed up the last mission we were on with the crows, I got Inej hurt and he wasn't happy. So I did this job.

Because maybe then I would get what I deserved.

My hands have knives through them sticking them to the chairs, there's blood all over my face from the daily beatings. My one leg is twisted and broken in ugly places and cuts and bruises litter my body.

I know it's only a matter of time before my body gives out and Pekka finally wins.

The door to my (what feels like) cell opens and there's Pekka and six more henchmen in the room.

Those are new.

They might not be henchmen though I think we're past that at this point, I think their assassins.

Or something like that anyways.

Their hoods are up but I can clearly see that there's two girls and four guys. My vision blurs a little. Maybe death will grant me mercy sooner than I thought.

"Meet my new friends Cozbi." Pekka mocks and jesters towards the cloaked figures.

"Ironic that you choose the name Cozbi. For did you know, it means liar? I thought maybe I should call you that now, liar. It fits perfectly you know?" Pekka spits in my face.

"Anyways..." Pekka drawls on for a bit and I realize the lack of movement in the halls. But before I can question that one of the male hooded figures gives a box to Rollins and he opens the box. Rollins grins like someone just made his day.

Fuck.

He advances on me with a small packet and I stay deadly still.

"Do you know what this is Cozbi." I keep my eyes trained on the packet.

"My name is Y/n."

Pekka laughs and grins evilly.

"You wanted to be Cozbi so you will be called as such." He growls and calls for is henchmen.

Two men come to tip my head back and hold my jaw in place. I try to shake them off by moving my head but it's no use.

"It's Parem." I freeze. No, no, no.

"For grisha you suffer by always wanting it not inculding the rare cases. But for normal humans."

He takes a step forward and he opens the packet and holds it over my mouth.

"It kills you terribly and so, so, so painfully." He crouches down and looks at me.

"Your going to die as Cozbi. Your going to die a liar, and I will make sure all of Ketterdam remembers that."

He gestures towards his henchmen and instead of trying to prier open my mouth like I expect them too.

They go and pull up my hands.

My hands go through the hilts of the blade and it hurts so much I can't do anything but scream.

Pekka shoves the Parem in my mouth.

My body feels like it's withering away and Pekka laughs as I vibrate against my seat. I feel my eyes widen and the only thing going through my head is that Rollins is a foul.

The knives.

And I'm not going out without a fight.

I pull the knives out of the handles of the seat and I scream as the hilt of the blades touch my skin but I quickly cut the bonds around me and I stab one of my knifes into the first henchmen.

I leap towards the other and I barley manage the scrap him before my body hits the floor and I can't move anymore.

Searing pain stabs through my body like multiple knives just stabbing me over and over again I expect Pekka to be the last face I see and I murmur something about the saints but then I see it.

The hooded figures.

It's the Crows.

The henchmen are down on the floor and Pekka is tied up and gagged to the chair. I feel my vision start to blur and the Crows go to check the area.

"We have to get her a healer!" Someone yells. But I'm on my back looking up and I barley even recognize that things are happening around me. It's like I'm watching from a different world but I can't do anything.

"Y/n!" Someone yells and picks me up from my spot on the ground.

"Come on Y/n!" Someone whisper-yells.

I groan as the person starts walking and I let out a rattling breath, that I knew that should concern me but I couldn't care less.

I just wanted it to end.

"Your not dying on me today Y/n."

Kaz, I think it's Kaz.

Everything shifts back into focus, Kaz is running (even with his bad leg) and somehow the searing pain from the parem in my body has started to subside. Noticing the many, many yards of guards running after the crows and some group of them has so, so, so many guns pointed right at Kaz.

Then it happens.

Suddenly I feel above the others, like I have powers that no one has ever had. The universe was bending to my will and I gasp as I'm lifted up into the air by something shadowy, and dark blackness surrounds my legs all the way up to my waist. I don't quiet know what I'm doing but it feels natural, like I knew how too do it all along.

I raise my hands into the air and shadows burst out into the open.

Guards are being cut in half, some are being chocked to death, some look like their getting stabbed multiple times as wounds just show up. Others look like they have a disease as darkness spreads across their bodies. And some just fall to the floor and die silently.

Their dead.

The power, and the need to protect everyone I care about is gone.

I don't even scream.

I hit the ground with a thud and I try to open my mouth as Kaz frantically pulls me into his arms cradling me. No, that couldn't be right though.

He yells for someone but I can't make it out I try to blink, but even that is hard and it's so slow and I can feel Kaz bring me closer too him but I don't really know what's reality anymore.

"Y/n." The voice (although it tries not to show it) lets concern and fear run through the words. I gasp.

"Kaz." I manage to say. He pulls me (somehow) closer as he lifts my face up to look into his.

He says something, but I can't comprehend anything he's saying. The edges of my vision start going black and everything else is going fuzzy.

"You'll live!" Kaz says, trying to reassure me but it sounds like he's trying to reassure himself more.

I place a hand on his and I want to say something, but the words are all mixed up and it feels like concrete is holding my jaw shut. Everything starts slowly turning black and I'm internally screaming in my head;

No! I have to say something! I can't go like this!

It's useless though, because everything slowly fades away the last thing I see is the dark brown of Kaz's concerned eyes.

_______TIME SKIP_____________________________________________

The light bulb of whatever room I'm in flickers off and on as darkens seems to try and cover it. I take a look around to see all the Crows tied up to a chair each, they have gags in their mouths and they look like they have been tortured out of their minds.

I run over to Wylan trying to help him out, but he let's out a muffled scream as I go towards him. I quickly turn to Jesper but he's so still in his seat not even looking at me.

Nina and her confident demeanor is gone, her aura is laced with panic and Matthias is with her on that one.

Inej can't seem to stop shaking, making her presence known to everyone. Then I turn to the last chair and my heart must have stopped.

Kaz's corpse lays, in the chair. Bubbles of darkens, are around his mouth and it looks like it chocked him to death.

Dirtyhands was finally beaten.

Then darkness shoots out of me, and I can't seem to stop it as it kills everyone else.

I sit up and a scream rips through my throat. I breath in heavily trying to get the air into my lungs. Everything in me burns, pain course's through me like a parasite on steroids, but at least time I succeed at muffling my scream.

I hear someone running from another room and the door fly's open. On command darkens shoots out from my hand and starts chocking the person- Holy shit! That's Kaz!

"No!" And it all appears to fade away into the shadows.

Tears start to fill my eyes, what will happen when I'm in a real state of panic? Could my nightmare eventually come true?

I feel the bed dip beside me and despite my hardest efforts, my eyes wander over to Kaz.

He looks like he hasn't slept a day in his life, with the essentially black moons under his eyes. His skin looks chalky white, contrasting his red rimmed eyes that looks like he had been crying just a few minutes ago.

Concern fills my shadowed heart, something must have happened for the Kaz fucking Brekker to be like this. My fears about being a shadow summoner disappear, they do stay at the back of my mind but finding out what's up with the bastard of the barrel is more important.

I carefully place a hand on his cheek. He tense's up a bit before relaxing into the palm of my hand and even leaning into it a bit.

"What happened?"

Kaz looks at me in disbelief. "What happened?" He lets out a chocked laugh that holds a sob in the background.

"You died." My breath hitches in my throat, wait... That can't be right. Can it?

"Matthias had to do chest compression's on you while Nina tried to restart your heart. All because I couldn't fucking do it."

He takes in a breath and rips my hand away from his face.

"Your heart stopped Y/n, we thought you were dead. But they kept going and somehow saved you!" A sob tears through his throat and Kaz Brekker breaks down in front of me. His walls that he has tried so hard to keep strong have had a boulder thrown at it. Smashing it with so much force that he couldn't possibly rebuild it.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. "For all the pain I caused you." I somehow manage to speak as my own tears start to come up.

"Seriously? Your sorry?" Kaz turns to me and grips my shoulders.

"Your the one who died, damn it!"

"Hey I have something to hold over Jesper?" I try to joke and it gets a small, very tiny tried smile out of Kaz.

"And the fact that your a shadow summoner."

"I didn't know." I say quickly and I pull back defensively, Kaz just sighs.

"I know."

He lets his hands run down my arms and his hands make delicate patterns on my skin. Then I remember the parem. Fuck.

"What were the effects of the parem?" If anyone would know, it would be Kaz.

He pause's for a second seemingly in thought before opening his mouth the speak.

"Well your life span was shortened to a normal one." I exhale in relief at that news, I really didn't want to live for centuries.

"But your powers could surpass the Darkling's, and the only reason you don't have the opposite of what you have now is because you pushed it down for so long. The healers somehow purged the parem out of your body before it could make you a mindless addict."

"That better news then I thought I would get." Kaz nods but there's something else lingering in the back of his head.

He thinks I'm going to leave.

I intertwine our hands together, and I turn my head to look him right in the eyes.

"I'm not leaving." I blurt out.

"If I went to the little palace I would get hunted, if I went anywhere else I would get hunted. I might go into hiding for a bit, but I'm not leaving you."

A smile that's even bigger than the last one by some means crawls up on his face.

"Good, because I just got you back."

Words 3021

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua

(If you want to be added just comment taglist)

[huenjin]

quarter past midnight.

pairing: chan x reader | breakup!au

word count: 6.107 words

genre: angst, smut

tw: heartbreak and break ups, reader is confused af, nsfw content — cunnilingus, overstimulation blowjobs, deep throating, face fucking, unprotected sex. this is just some angsty smut.

note: an old work i edited because i needed to write something angsty with chan and hurt myself, yes. <3

apartment 5005.

you stare at the door for as long as you know, your heart tingling, stretching apart to tear and shatter within you and you know this for sure — you are clearly mad. you are absolutely crazy, but love makes people do crazy things. beyond love, survival instincts to protect oneself in the long run makes people do disastrous things. you are confused, lost and heartbroken. isn't that why you are here? for some clarity in this mist that fogs your mind.

you insert the duplicate key you had into the keyhole and open the door to the abode you once called home, not because it was four walls that provided you shelter but because bang chan lived there.

it was the spring of 2016 when you had fallen in love with this man - the entirety of this man with a crooked smile so cute and a giggle that could open dimensions to him. he stood before a cherry blossom tree with two cones of ice cream, one for you and one for him and asked you out on a date —"let's watch cherry blossoms together, y/n," - and you agreed with not much reluctance. because you were enamoured of chan at the very first glance. a little boy with endless passion and boundless potential all ready to win your heart.

it was a gradual fall from there — falling in love with chan was so easy, so precious. every small action of chan's made you fall for him harder and the fall was steep. you toppled and tumbled happily but the impact of the crash was hard.

It was hard enough for you to have forgotten what breathing was. It was claustrophobic in a room that was wider than an average one. bang chan slowly seemed to have no time for you. so caught up with his own life and to sort that out, he took out his anger at you, the anger he bottled up in front of all the people — almost as if that was normal. funnily, you thought it was normal.

chan loved you. chan loves you. there was no way anything could have changed. the emotions were strong — the emotions are strong — however, it almost seemed like it was contaminated. like the strong colour of potassium permanganate that changes the whole liquid. so exactly, where in the world did you go wrong? how did your relationship reach this stage — this strained stage of your threads ready to snap and let go?

and staring at his open door, you want to know the answer.

you had walk in the rain to reach here. the weather was disastrous. it had rained heavily enough to make you feel more void than you already felt. the rain had hit your body with a certain impact that momentarily snapped you back to reality; yet, you are quick to drift away. with every step you had taken, the world feels like time had drifted to the past, aeons away. the rain merely grows even more intense and your heart sinks.

the rain has left you drenched. your hair strands stick to each other with droplets of water falling from the ends. your vision was blurry and all you had know was to get to chan quicker than ever. like your body being pulled to a force. you had to reach bang chan quick, to ache this void.

and when you do, your heart skips a beat. you take a step back as an act of cowardice and you do not want to knock on his door. you stand in front of his room, puddles of water collecting by your foot from the water that drips from your clothes and your hair. how could you knock when you were conflicted yourself? you couldn't leave chan but you know you had to if you wanted to try finding happiness again. probably with the man himself years later when you both grow up.

it was in the winter of 2016 that you grew to love bang chan for the person he was. that you knew were in love. the innocent, star-eyed boy waited in front of your house unexpectedly in the strong winds of winter. when you come back home late after your work at the grocery store, you find him there, still waiting for you. your heart had ached for the man who sat in front of your house, leaning against your door with his body shivering and his teeth clattering. he was half asleep, holding onto his thick overcoat tightly in an attempt to escape the cold.

"chan," you had called out to him. "chan, baby, wake up."

his delicate eyelids had fluttered open only to see you. the man quickly sprung to his feet, stumbling and losing his balance for a split second. chan fell into your arms and nuzzled himself into your warmth. he looked delicate and everything chan usually tended to not display - of vulnerability, a certain pastel and ethereal kind.

and when his pale arms had wrapped around your waist carefully and weakly and you held him up, you knew for sure that this always chirpy and optimistic man (albeit all the layers of insecurities he had) was going to steal your heart. and he did.

probably that is why it is so hard for you to knock on his door now. the fact that you could set the world on fire with the love you had for him and yet you knew that you had to untie the knot you had in your relationship to find happiness for a while. to find yourself all over again.

after much thought, you knock on his door. you feel cold, both physically and mentally. the water you are drenched in is soaking into your being and you know you are going to catch a cold for sure tomorrow. however, that is the least of your concerns at the moment.

the door is pulled open only for you to come face to face with the man you have fallen so in love with.

bang chan's face instantly morphs into one of concern as soon as he sees you drenched in the rain. he catches hold of your arm and pulls you into his small studio room of his. he wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his warmth. you nuzzle into his chest and he gently rubs your back. 

"are you crazy?" he asks so softly, that it almost does not feel like he is scolding you. "you walked all the way here in the rain. you are most definitely crazy."

you do not respond, however. chan holds you close and notices your silence. you tug at his shirt and chan keeps you close. it's this warmth you reckon you will miss. for the years you step back, you'll feel like a tourist. you pull apart and you look at him with tears in your eyes, "chan."

he looks at you worriedly. this isn't normal. this isn't normal. this is definitely not normal. you take a step back before continuing, "i'm leaving you."

there. you said it. it's out in the open and you hear it out loud too. the thought that screamed in your head is finally freed and normally, you should have felt lighter. so why is it that you have never felt your heart heavier than this?

you had promised yourself that you wouldn't shed tears yet here you are, unable to stop all those droplets falling from your eyes like a cascade of all those memories. 

"what?" chan looks broken.

"i can't do this anymore, chan," you say, looking down, shifting your balance from one foot to another. "it's heartbreaking to be in this relationship. every time i take one step forward now, you hardly have the time to even take two steps back."

"you know my work entitles me to this lifestyle," chan reasons. his voice is cracking and seeing chan this hurt merely makes you want to go to him and shelter and protect him for as long as you live. however, that very act makes you feel lost. not right now. what the two of you need at this minute is a break.

"i know," you look at him with guilt. "i know and yet i can't help but feel a little bit nervous of you never being there. i can't help but realise that your career is definitely way more important to you than i am. i understand that but i can't help but realise that maybe you don't love—"

"don't." chan's voice turns icy. he takes a step forward and you shudder at that moment. why did things turn out like this? why could the two of you not be like any other normal couple out there?

"stay, baby," chan pleads. his hands hold your arms fiercely and he leans over to look at you in your eyes. "i beg of you. stay. we'll make this work, somehow."

"how much more can the two of us try, chan?"

"enough to make this work. you promised me a lifetime of happiness. don't go back on your promise, baby. please."

chan is vulnerable, like a glass ready to crumble into fine dust and you realise how human this man — who seemed to be very nonchalant once — was all his life. in all the time you had dated him, chan had been rarely vulnerable and every time you saw him like that, it made you wonder how the world could ever be cruel to him to put him in such a state. the joke is on you this time for it is you who was hurting the one man you never wanted to let go of, the one man you never wanted the world to hurt.

"i'm hurting, chan. every day i go back home waiting for that one call of yours that never comes. i lay in bed wondering how it was perfect only months back when you pulled me close and rested your head on top of mine as we drifted to sleep. chan, we are not working," you gesture at the two of you, "this relationship is strained, toxic and potentially damaging to our mental wellbeing."

you are crying. your eyes burn and your cheeks are wet. chan looks at you in a shock. his eyes are red and he takes a step back from you, dropping his hands on either side of his body. he looks lifeless for a split moment and you are hurting too much to sort this issue out.

"do you want me to let you go?"

"yes," you say with much pain and sorrow from every word that can rip you away from chan.

"okay." chan takes two steps forward, edging closer to you, "okay. but do me one last thing before leaving me."

you look up at him, wondering if it could be anything that could revoke more memories and hurt you more than it already was. chan couldn't do that. he was in pain too. the two of you manage to be hurting at the same time.

"stay with me tonight. one last time before i say goodbye."

chan closes into you and cups your face delicately. he leans close enough for you to feel his breath fan on your face. his eyes are glassy and they shine in the light. his brown eyes with specks of chestnut hues look pretty. he is so devastatingly pretty. 

how is that chan looked so painstakingly pretty to you right before you were about to leave him?

"chan," you sigh his name out like an airy breath of fresh morning hopes. "no."

"why?"

"because then i would want to stay," you whisper into nothing. your heart strings drum and beats quicker. your eyes burn so badly and you want to leave instantly and cry out loudly.

chan presses his lips against yours instantly. his softness melts into yours as you kissed him and he to you like nothing else mattered. you sigh within and bring your hands up only to find home in his soft brown hair. he is everywhere, infiltrating your mind slowly and creeping into everything subconscious.

every contact of his reminds you of everything you had and everything you were ready to miss out on. chan leans closer, and suddenly he is kissing you harder, deeper with a fervent urgent need you had never known.

"chan," you pull away and lean back slightly. "chan, what are we doing?"

"let me make you stay," he whispers into the crook of your neck, sending a shiver down your spine.

"but I won't stay," you mumble, sadly. "i can't."

"then, allow me one night to remember everything," chan rasps out. his mouth has found its way to your neck. parting his mouth sinfully, he latches onto the skin at the crook of your neck and sucks. your eyelids close and your eyes roll back.

with chan, it is the small oblivious bliss. with chan, it is possession and yet not. with chan, it is being loved and cherished. with chan, you feel complete and yet crave for so much more.

like the air you blow into a balloon with a hole.

you pull chan closer by his hair and you hear him moan against your skin, the shudder of euphoria running down your spine and only enhancing the heat you felt at your core. yout body needs him as much as your mind craves his being.

chan pulls apart and looks at you, studying your face, every curve and every dip. he wants to remember everything. he begins, "i—" but never continues. rather, he holds your waist and lifts you up. your legs wrap around his waist automatically and almost in an instinct. you wrap your hands around his neck and lean forwards.

your cold thumb grazes the expanse of his cheekbone and your chest contracts. everything is too painful. chan's hand squeezes your waist and you lean forward for your foreheads to touch.

chan still smells like fresh morning with mist and beautiful dew. you blink the tears that threaten to spill as you cup his face. you peck his lips, once, twice and again till you can remember how his lips were with your eyes closed.

chan parts his lips for a sigh and you kiss him. you press your lips against his and you feel him loosen, his arms still on your waist, but this time, his fingers grazed ever so slightly. you let out a whimper when he pulls apart. 

the next thing chan does is take you to his bed. He carefully walks across his room, still carrying you and you're looking at him. you look at chan's eyes and you look at his nose. you study his face and your heart aches with every minute you stay.

he places you delicately on his bed and and you watch him stand and pull his shirt up to remove it. the moment seems familiar, the emotion however, is not. 

chan matches your body form and you instinctively arch upwards, moaning in the contact of his body heat against yours. you kiss him again and you feel him relax against you, lips softening as he permits you to take his lower lip between your teeth. you suck against his lower lip, moaning into his mouth as he pushes his tongue against yours.

chan's hands trace the sides of your torso, cradling your curves as he finds home in your neck. chan has always liked your neck. his licks, kisses and sudden bites only further enhances your point. your hands go to his hair as you hold him more firmly against you. the swelling of him beneath you makes you gasp and your thighs rub against each other.

chan pulls back for a minute, his fingers playing with the ends of your shirt. you whine greedily and move your hands to pull the shirt off your body. chan helps but he is so slow that you pause and look into his eyes. chan wants this moment to last forever. 

he removes the shirt off of you and looks at you, unsure when his fingers trail to your shorts. you place your hands over his and together, you unbutton your shorts. you pull yourself upwards and kissing chan, you say, "i'm staying the night, chan. i'll stay tonight."

the two of you discard the rest of your clothes, undergarments still on, only for him to pause and stare at your breasts, "how did i not notice you not wearing a bra when you were soaked in the rain?" and then he realizes how, pausing for a while. you quickly pull chan closer.

chan rushes to latch his lips back on your skin, sucking and kissing his way from the crook of your neck to the top of your left breast. you rock your hips against his, desperate for some friction. your clit has swollen, moisture already dampening the fabric of your panties.

chan's hands travel to your arse, squeezing the flesh beneath his fingers and grinding you down against the bulge growing in his boxers. a moan escapes your lips even before you could hold it and chan looks distinctly pleased.

"chan," you whine. "chan, please. i need you. touch. kiss. anything. please. i need you everywhere."

he smiles and removes the grasp on your arse, your skin feeling bruised over how tight he was holding you. his fingers trail upwards only to loop around the strap of your panties and he pulls it away from your body slightly only to release it. the strap hits against your skin and you wince. 

"you're so delectable," he mumbles and pulls your panties away. you rub your thighs together, feeling your wetness spread. his lips gently graze over your hip bones and land right over your clit, grazing it almost unnoticeably. the sudden contact leads you to grip on chan's arm and cover your mouth to smother your groans.

"do you like this, baby? do you want more of this?" he kisses the skin on your hips, so close to where you craved his attention. 

"chan—"

"you could have more of this if you stayed. y/n, just stay, please," he peppers more kisses around, moving his hands up and down your thighs.

"chan, no," you place your hands on his head, tangling your fingers into his hair. "i—"

"why not?"

and then chan's lips find your lower ones and you moan so loud that you didn't know you even had it in you. you pull his hair up of surprise and chan licks your lips up and down slowly and in the most gratifying manner.

"c-chan!"

he doesn't respond. he merely brings his hand down and places his thumb over your clit, pressing down on it as he licks you. he pulls apart to lightly kiss your inner thighs and the sudden loss of contact makes you whine.

"why can you not stay?"

"because it hurts to be with you when you're never around," you sigh, tears rolling down your cheek and chan looks at you from below. he sees you vulnerable and broken and he blames himself. he is as responsible for leading himself to this situation as much as you are.

he holds tight on to your thighs, pulling you closer to him as he plants soft kisses on your dripping core. he sucks and nibbles on the lips before parting them with his tongue, swiping one big stroke and resting on your sensitive nub.

"chan, more, please," you whimper. his sinful tongue feels like heaven on your hot core, and you leave your hands to move around to look for places to grip onto; moving from your hair, to the edge of the bedsheet, until they find their way to his hair again where you make your final grip. you always did like gripping on his hair during sex. it edges him and steers him to do as you pleased. you instantly entangle your fingers through the strands of his locks as you start to move your hips in the same motion as the movements which his lips and tongue are now making.

chan keeps his action of devouring you with hunger, moving his tongue skilfully in and out of you, humming as he went. the vibration only makes you edge a bit more. you close your eyes and focus on feeling him and his motion. and right at the moment, chan feels your grip on him getting tighter. when your whimpers sound more desperate, he moves two fingers inside your walls, curling deep while sucking at your clit. he keeps biting lightly at the swollen nub, making you cry out his name. the moment when he feels you tightening around his fingers, he latches his lips around your clit tightly and sucks, all while thrusting his fingers deep onto your sweet spot, relentlessly, until you see sea of stars from under your eyelids.

"ch—" your breathing shortens and you quake, "oh my god! baby!"

however, bang chan never stops; even when your whole body starts shaking and quivering on his bed. he continues the work of his fingers and his hot, sinful mouth all moving in the same pace, letting you ride out your high until it slowly subsides and you are left, gasping for air, on the brink of overstimulation.

chan finally lifts his head as you open your eyes and you notice. his lips glistening and his eyes sparkling. he runs his tongue across his lips, taking in the last of the remnants of your high. you gulp, admitting that the scene before you is hot. chan doing anything will always be hot.

"fuck my life, i'm so in love with you," chan says and your eyes widen.

"no," you mumble. "you should not be."

"isn't that my decision, baby?" chan says. you lean forward and holding onto his arm sockets, you move him backwards allowing yourself to climb on top of him. you position yourself over his leg and frantically pull his boxers down and away.

"you shouldn't though," you take his cock into your hands. chan stifles a moan. his fingers softly hold your head and stroking your hair as you tease him with your tongue on his shaft. your eyes keep looking up at his face while you drag a slow lick along the base of his member, before swirling your tongue around the tip, earning his subtle grunt and unsteady breaths while he looks at you with darkening eyes.

you lock your gaze on chan and dragging one excruciatingly slow lick, you take his head into your mouth before pulling apart almost instantly. you drag your tongue over your lips and tease, "tell me what you want, baby boy."

chan smiles widely at you and your sudden voice of confidence. he strokes the back of your neck and says, "i want you to stay."

"you're such a buzz—" 

"but i know you won't. so i'd rather, just for tonight, have you as a whole. i want your pretty little mouth on my cock, wrapped around it and sucking it. i want you to look like a mess, baby, for me."

you smile at him softly and almost apologetically. shaking your head of any sad thoughts, you place another kiss on the swollen tip of his cock, before giving a long and slow lick at the base of his shaft, coating his member with your saliva, and finally take him completely in your mouth. you hum gladly as your lips move and sink down slowly, adjusting yourself to the size of him, only stopping once you feel his tip touching the back of your throat. the depth and your constant move gifts you with a couple of deep groans coming out of his own lips. you look up to see him, supporting himself up and leaning his head back, enjoying the way your mouth is sucking him tightly. once you are adjusted to the size of his girth, the muscles around your jaw relax a little, permitting you to move your head and sink down low. hollowing your cheeks, you keep sucking him on your way up with flattened tongue, stopping by the time you reach his tip only to sink yourself back down.

"fuck, fuck. fuck, y/n, baby. your mouth feels euphoric," chan groans, his head dropping and his eyes screwing shut. you let out another hum in acknowledgement and respond with another bob of your head up and down his length.

the sound of his ragged breath and his whimpers makes you aware of how fucked out he was. you keep your pace while raking his thigh with your nails from one hand, while you use the other to cup and graze the skin of his scrotum and his uncovered base. until suddenly, he looks down on you while gently stroking the sides of your face with his thumbs before he moves his hips upwards, thrusting deeper into your mouth.

you gag in surprise with his length reaching all the way down to your throat. you whimper against his cock. you keep your tongue still flat and presses against the base of his cock to give him more sensation as he keeps fucking your mouth at a distinct pace. you hold on tightly onto his thighs, scoring them, ignoring the soreness on your jaw and throat to let him chase his high, until he finally explodes inside you. the sudden appearance of his thick, creamy release filling your mouth has you gagging. when chan slows down, you are finally able to carefully swallow every single drop, a few dripping down by the corners of your mouth.

"ah, fuck," he suspires, gradually slowing until he stops and pulls himself out of your mouth. "i'm so sorry— i'm sorry, baby," he tells you between his ragged breaths, sitting up and rubbing his thumb on your face and neck lovingly, over and over again. "did i hurt you? tell me i did not. fuck, i got carried away."

you take hold of his hand and kiss his knuckles, letting out a small chuckle. chan pulls you closer and hugs you and you sit in his warmth. you mumble against his chest, "i hate to be evil, but i hope that no one can give you a blow job or a mind-blowing sex like i could."

chan sighs and holds you tighter, "don't you already have me in your captive?"

the back of chan's hand moves around the edges of your face before he pulls you in and kisses you slowly. he touches the tip of his tongue to yours, teasing at first, before entwining your tongues together. his hand moves down your back and pulls you closer, your core pressed against his cock and you moan against his mouth.

"i'm going to make you come all night. when you tire out, i'll let you rest and have you again," chan whispers against your ear as he pulls apart from your lips.

this was why leaving chan was hard. he was addictive. the taste of his lips, the deep moan he exhaled when he deepened the kiss. you let him intertwine his tongue with yours, let him taste your mouth while you press your palms on his chest to feel his warmth. chan's hand runs freely over the curve of your arse, earning a gasp to escape from your lips, stopping the kiss unexpectedly.

he pushes you back once he had calmed down from his last high and climbs on top of you with a smirk, "i could eat you out again but good lord, you look so fucking delectable that i need to have my cock inside of you — right now."

you gulp and you feel your throat parching. he continues kissing you while settling himself between your shaky legs, groaning against your mouth the moment he could feel your wet folds brushing the tip of his shaft. he leans forward to catch your erect nipple between his lips. he did the same thing to the other breast.

he firmly holds your name and kisses every single part of your body, murmuring softly against your skin, "need to remember. need to remember. fuck, i need to remember you."

you cup his face softly and look at him, breathing slowly in order to force him to do the same, "chan, I love you."

"but you can't stay."

"i can't."

"i need to be inside of you. i need to remember how you felt. i need to engrave it till i know how much you've captivated me and left me miserable," he whispers softly between your kisses, and you buck your hips upward to meet his as a response. you are still mildly sensitive but so needy to feel him inside you.

exhaling, chan pushes his throbbing length between your swollen lips, ever so slowly delving into your hot sex with a low grunt and moan. you instantly hook one leg around his hip, placing both of your palms on his back as you guided him inside you. your soft, hot walls enveloped his length, pulling him in deeper as he thrust his hips against yours and when your being finally envelopes him, he grunts in content.

"i missed this so much," he whispers to you, pressing your foreheads together as you pant softly against his lips, trying to regulate your breathing. "i'll miss you, baby."

chan waits until you adjust yourself to his length. no matter how many times you have had sex with him, his girth still surprises you. you notify him by pecking on his lips with your eyes flickering up to him and staring at him with lust and want, and chan knows you are ready.

he moves slowly in and out of you in a calculated rhythm, almost like he was playing his own music, never looking away. he pulls his hips back and then thrusts forward, filling your hole as much as possible once your body recognises his being.

"fuck," chan grunts. beads of perspiration have formed on his neck and slowly they drop down and you watch. chan looks precious and for a minute there, you want to stay. you want to stay with chan forever, marry him and have his kids. you want to be there in his highs and lows. but you know you shouldn't. he deserved better and so did you.

"oh god, y/n," he moans, gripping your thigh harder. he keeps on grinding his shaft into your wetness with more fervour and all you could do is —

"chan!" 

scream his name out for everyone around to know.

he sighs, moving his hips into yours a bit faster as you begin to meet his thrusts with the movements of your hips. he lets go of you and drops both of his hands down to the bed on either side of you, holding himself up and increasing his range of motion; pulling nearly all the way out, then rocking forward to push all the way back into his base. 

your fingers keep holding tight on his shoulder and his upper arm, lightly scratching your nail on his skin. he leans down to press his mouth to you, kissing you hungrily. he moves into you harder and even faster, scrunching the sheets up under his palms while driving his shaft deep into you. 

your soft moans grow higher in pitch and you bite into your lower lip harshly. you become louder as you feel your high approaching. "chan, baby, fuck," you rasp out and chan kisses your clavicle and licks a stripe, leaving a bruise by its end.

"let go, baby," he moves his hands back on your hip with a tight grip, helping you to move in the same rhythm as his. you grip harder on his arms for leverage. you feel him grinding your clenching walls with his shaft inside of you until you can not take any more, and your entire body shakes from the second climax of the night.

chan starts to slow down yet keeps thrusting forward, so gently and disoriented. he smiles before kissing you deeply once again. he groans at the feeling of your walls clenching hard around his shaft, your orgasm lingering even after your body had stopped shaking so much. leaning down, chan presses his body hard on you while he kisses you, and you can feel his member throbbing within your depths and his heart pounding fast in his chest. his brown eyes look softer tonight and his eyes are glassy. you cup his face and kiss him repeatedly. you hold him steady while he pushes into you languidly. you can't seem to part with him — is this what love does?

you move your hips. you can feel your desire still dripping hot in your core and more than ready to continue on. "keep going. i want to feel you come inside me, chan."

his hips, hitting against your clit repeatedly, makes you woozy with tensed and excess euphoria. it is too much but you couldn't stop. you guide him into you, over and over again even when your walls seemed to scream out of exhaustion. you needed to feel chan in you, fill you up.

you wiggle your hips and raise them to meet his warmth. smiling, you bend your knees up to help him reach his high quicker.

you hold onto the moment he starts to move his hips one more time, drilling inside of you with both of his hands planted on the bed once again for grip. this time, you keep your eyes opened. you gasp and enjoy how beautiful his toned body looks, moving above you fluidly. silently admiring how his skin is glowing from the illuminating moonlight which enters the room through the opened windows, how they had fallen perfectly on his sweaty chest against the background music of the rain hitting the window panes.

you let your eyes capture its beauty, memorising him and everything else the best you still could in your mind. just so you could keep the image of him making love to you for as long as you possibly could in your memories. after all, this is it. this was the end of the lane, the last page in the chapter you shared with him.

you graze chan's chin and watch how he moves into you. you close your eyes for a second - just for a second - to hear distinctly of the squelching sound of his cock entering you and his hips slapping against yours.

he tilts his head and gives you a few sloppy kisses by the edges of your neck and then your mouth. your eyes screw shut with the overload of euphoria. you are oversensitive and tears spill out from your eyes. chan thrusts a few more times into you before reaching his own orgasm that washes over him like a wave. you feel his cock pulsate and a shiver of pleasure runs down your spine. his movements become slower. he grunts and moans in each motion of his and you lean forward to kiss him. after a few deep and long kisses, he steadies himself and pulls out of you carefully. he kisses you a few more times — your lips, neck, clavicles, breasts and everywhere.

chan falls besides you and sighs. he cups your face and looks at you. your eyes are closing in exhaustion and you whimper, "i'll miss this."

chan remembers that this is the last time and pulls you closer, a lone treacherous tear falling on your face. he watches you carefully and you softly smile, "you should sleep. you have practice tomorrow."

"no, it's my last day with you. i'd rather watch you than waste time sleeping," he sounds sad and you move closer into his warmth.

"i really do love you, chan."

"i know and so do i. our circumstances just weren't right. don't beat yourself to it," he mumbles, pushing a strand of your hair from your face.

"nor should you. promise me that you won't overwork yourself?"

"i—"

"chan!"

"just go to sleep, baby. you look tired. i love you," chan coos and you yawn almost immediately. he laughs and rubs your back soothingly and you fall asleep. chan does too, soon after.

and when his eyelids part the next morning, the bed feels cold and his heart feels the void. you are gone and chan is lonely as he has been always.

[seokjinsonlyone]

Not My Type | 3

pairing: jungkook x female reader

summary: "She's a lot more than nice, so you need to be careful."

genre: friends to lovers

warnings: none; jimin here tho being flirty and stirring the pot <3333

rating: pg

wc: 1.7k

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

Jungkook’s newfound hobby was driving her crazy. One too many times had their little lunch rendezvous made its way into her mind in the past week. The way he sniffed her hair oddly enough was a recurring playback. She had a thing for weirdos and Jungkook could definitely be classified as that. And, that was exactly why she needed to shut this whole thing down.

Now, she considered herself a progressive individual. She didn’t mind change as long as it was for the better. She didn’t have a problem evolving her relationship with a friend. In fact, she preferred it. Always said that if she was gonna get into it, she wanted to be with a friend. But, this particular friendship wasn’t the one. It wouldn’t make sense. There was no way it could possibly be better.

They were like oil and water. They didn’t mix. Which was fine as a friendship, they could peacefully coexist. Anything more than that, however, would be an unnecessary burden. And, her life didn’t need to be anymore difficult than it already was. She wanted an easy love. It was this line of reasoning that carried her straight to her best friend’s house.

“You need to talk to your friend,” she announced, waltzing into Jimin’s home, throwing her purse on the couch before finding him sitting at the island eating cereal.

He looked up. “I’ve already told you should just ask Taemin out. He’ll most likely say yes. He thinks you’re hot. Stop trying to get me to create scenarios.”

“And, I’ve already told you I refuse to pursue a man. No matter how dreamy and evil he is,” she sighed.

In all honesty, she probably would’ve gone for it if it weren’t for the fact that she could tell he wasn’t really into her. Not in the way she would’ve liked for him to be into her. He flirted with her in person (and in her dms), held her in a way that made her stomach jump after a few drinks, but ultimately his goal was a few nights in the sheets. And, that just wasn’t her thing. She didn’t do casual. Didn’t like to invite people into her life that weren’t going to stay. So even though she thought they could be good together, she was deciding to let this one go. If he couldn’t see what was right in front of him that was on him.

“You’re gonna end up alone.”

“You must realize that I am my favorite person.” He rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I wasn’t talking about him. I was talking about Jungkook.”

“What he do?”

“He’s been acting weird ever since last week.”

“What happened last week?”

She sucked her teeth. “You know, when we were all here?”

He narrowed his eyes at her, pupils shifting from side to side, visibly racking his brain trying to recall what happened at his place last week. “Oh! Wednesday! I was so drunk, bro. What happened?”

“Ugh. You don’t remember asking me to rank all of y’all from most to least my type?” Typical Jimin. Cause trouble then dip.

“What’d you rank me?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“I ain’t doing this again.”

He dropped his legs from the footrest of the barstool, tugging her closer and wrapping an arm around her waist. “Mmm. You couldn’t handle me either way.”

She’s not gonna lie, her heart skipped a beat. But, that’s the only reason he did it in the first place. He knew it flustered her on some level. So, she decided to play along for once, bringing her hand up to toy with the hair that rested at the back of his neck. “Baby boy, I could make you cry,” she whispered seductively.

He made a face, then pushed her away turning his attention back to his cereal. “You’re gross.”

“You started it,” she accused, laughter bubbling up at his reaction. He was CEO of “Do as I say, not as I do.” Always in the mood to dish it out, but hardly able to take it in return.

“So, what’s going on? Why do I need to talk to him?”

“Because I told him he wasn’t my type, and now he’s trying to convince me that he is.”

He choked. “What?”

“He literally showed up at my work the other day and brought me lunch.”

“That was more so directed at you saying Jungkook isn’t your type.”

“He’s not.” He raised his eyebrows, smirking conspiratorially. “He isn’t,” she insisted.

“So, you didn’t used to drool over him when you two first met?”

“See why you gotta go and bring up the past.” She wouldn’t say that she had a full blown crush on him, she didn’t know him and therefore couldn’t actually like him, but for a minute she was down bad. She wasn’t expecting to meet him when she did. Jimin had wanted to hang out and asked for a ride. He was with Jungkook when she picked him up and she was effectively caught off guard. Before she even realized what she was doing, she was out of the car and shaking hands with him in greeting. The next few weeks were spent trying her hardest to be in his presence. She never said more than two words to the boy, but yeah she was down bad. Once her hormones subsided, though, they eventually developed a friendship. A friendship that needed to stay a friendship. “Besides, I never said he wasn’t hot. I’m saying our personalities don’t match up. It wouldn’t work.”

“You aren’t that different from each other.”

“Yeah, but we’re wrong in just the right ways. It wouldn’t work.” He was right in saying that weren’t all that dissimilar, but it was because of that that she was sure starting any kind of relationship with romantic intent would go up in flames. The two were like parallel lines. Never meant to cross. Adjacent, but never intersecting. As they should.

“It sounds to me like you’re just afraid of what could happen.”

“Hold on there partner. I didn’t come here to be lectured or psychoanalyzed. I don’t even think he likes me for real, but he’s heading down a slippery slope. I just want you to talk to him before he goes and starts something that’s gonna get his feelings hurt, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see what I can do.” One thing about Jimin was that he was nosy. Had absolutely zero qualms about getting all up in other people’s business. Knowledge equals power is what he always told himself. So, if she hadn’t come to him voluntarily offering up this information, he would’ve picked up on it sooner or later, inserting himself in the middle of it all. As it stands, he’s been giving explicit permission to do some digging. All he has to do is wait for the opportunity to arise.

The opportunity came a few days later. Jungkook was sitting on his couch, phone in hand, completely zoned out when Jimin pounced.

“So... Y/N?”

Jungkook startled at the mention of her name. It wasn’t like he was just thinking about her. He definitely wasn’t about to text her. He hadn’t spent the past minutes in a daze typing, deleting, and retyping messages to send. Nope. “Huh?”

“Y/N? What’s going on with you and her?” Jimin asked again.

“What do you mean? Nothing’s going on,” he feigned innocence, voice raising an octave. Even though, for all intents and purposes, there really wasn’t anything going on.

He looked him up and down, raising an eyebrow. “That’s not what she said.”

“What did she say?” She talked about him?

“You tell me.” He smirked sitting down, crossing one leg over the other like some kind of therapist.

“I don’t know. We had lunch,” he mumbled.

“Why?”

“Because I thought she might be hungry.”

“And this has nothing to do with the fact that she said you’re not her type?”

He blew raspberries into the air. He couldn’t lie to Jimin even if he tried. The man always managed to see right through him. A consequence of nearly ten years of friendship. “I’m just trying to get to know her better,” he insisted.

“Why?”

“Because she’s nice.” Which wasn’t the complete truth, but if he admitted that he thought she had stars in her eyes he’d never hear the end of it.

“She’s a lot more than nice, so you need to be careful.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that she’s one of the best people I know, but she’s stubborn and once she has an idea in her head it’s very hard for her to let go.”

“So you think I should stop?”

“I think you shouldn’t go into this blind, is all I’m saying. Whatever you’re doing, probably won’t be easy. And, I don’t want you to get hurt. Or hurt her. What do you plan on doing if you manage to make her like you? If you’re not serious then I think you should stop.” Jimin patted his shoulder, then got up leaving him to his thoughts.

Jungkook heard what he was saying. He did. And, he was right. He hadn’t been thinking too hard about what he was doing. Honestly, he was just following the skip in his heartbeat and so far that led him to her. There was a very real possibility of him getting his feelings hurt. She was very strong willed. Couldn’t budge her mind with a bulldozer. So, if she was dead set on being against this, there wasn’t much he could do anyway.

Still, this wasn’t something he could let go of easily. He had no intentions of hurting her. It wasn’t just some conquest for him. That much he was sure of. He would hate to get closer to her, have her catch feelings for him, then dip because he wasn’t feeling it. But, he seriously doubted that would happen. It’s not like they were complete strangers. He was just seeing her in a new light now. And as much as he didn’t want anyone to get hurt, at this point he didn’t know if this was something he should even avoid. It didn’t seem like it.

Truthfully, he didn’t feel this way often. This pull he now felt toward her. He was usually much too caught up in trying to be the best version of himself he could be to entertain thoughts of others. However, right now she had his attention and he didn’t want to look away. He opened his text thread with her typing and finally sending a message before he could overthink it.

[10:53pm] jk: lunch tomorrow?

[insomnishnik]

pairing : obsessive! dom eren x god complex reader *wink* *wonk*

rating : smut, 18+, fluff, crack (?)

wc : 53k

cw : degradation, choking, semi public sex, art student! eren, cockwarming, pussy spanking, mention of bruises and injuries, breeding kink ish, obsessive behavior, stalking, borderline yandere 😁 also pliz I'm new so if this bad lemme know

summary : at the very end of graduation, it's time to say goodbye, college is over, now off to the real world. But before the farewell, you as the student president arrange the one last time after party as a sweet goodbye message, little do you know eren have other plan.

“DO WE HAVE TO?” you murmured as Hitch pushed your back while both of stepping inside of a coffee shop. Fragrance of coffee bean, vanilla air freshener wafted to your nose, the comforting wooden minimalist arabica design greeted your eyes for its pleasing aesthetic scenery.

"Yes, we have to i mean how bad could it be?" she grinned, pulling your arm to her clutches while both of you scoured inside, "besides, the past must stay as the past, it was just a silly president election it's not like he would hold grudges against you for getting elected," she continued, referring to the big college event far ago before the senior year. 

That one time when you and Eren Jaeger applied to be the student council president, and like how history spoke, the winner rejoiced, and nobody really care about what happens next to the loser. It was a though fight, you were quite determined to take that core position with your persona, you believed that you could bring greater goods for the community, and you DID do good, but Eren fought back passionately, and you remembered you could see fire in his eyes during his speech at the debate election, he may not smart but he's clever, maybe a little aggressive but hell does he moved so many people's heart, you remembered when he was standing tall and brave on that podium while his sea green eyes glued the room together, the intimacy that is fiery and optimistic, but as the whole world know destiny said otherwise, without your own anticipation 

you won. 

And since then your reign begun. You rule well, you made plenty achievements as student president and you never been so proud of yourself, since then you never lose your dedication for your people, and the feel of being a victor, and oh how you loved the feel of being powerful. 

You and Hitch walked upstairs to the second loft of the coffee shop after you both ordered the drinks you wanted, "I dunno Hitch, i don't think that this is a good idea," you mumbled to the girl next to you, while you scratching the back of your ear, "when Armin said not to mess with Eren i think he meant it."

Sure you were delighted with your victory, but you still couldn't help yourself to feel bad for Eren, there's this strange tingle of guilt vine your stomach when you, the possessor approached your ex rival far a month ago, he gave you this bitter dirty look as you waved him a polite good morning, then he stormed off without a single word, you felt like he was prestige to look into your eyes since then. 

"And when i said he was a wuss, and a man child for going all off emo after that election i also meant it," Hitch rolled her eyes, she pat your back as a reassurance before you two finally found the person you've been looking for, almost unrecognizable from the last time you guys bumped to each other, for a moment your eyes widened to the now Eren Jaeger.

 There he was sitting all pretty at the smoking area, his hair was pulled onto a messy bun with a few loose strands on his nape, he was far more built than the boy you used to know, his bushy eyebrows looking furrowed to a sketchbook, the charcoal pencil he's holding dances on top of it. He was styled in a thin knitted black long sleeve top that hugged his muscular body tightly, army green cargo pants, and combat boots — you know, those kind of boots you wear to a rock concert just to kick someone — his rolled sleeves, revealing his veiny arms that covered with tattoos. His long legs is stretched to the chair next to him while he is leaning against the wall. 

Hitch glanced at you, she cackled noticing you googling at Eren, she pulled you by your wrist approaching the brunet, "you'll be fine," she snickered, while you could only let out a soft sigh, here goes nothing. 

Hitch signal her presence to Eren with a light cough, a small thud hit the surface of his sketchbook after he dropped his pencil. His gaze shifts to both of you who were standing by his side, he raised his left brow when his eyes met yours, you stared back at Eren and he outstared you blankly, "Jaeger," you hesitated. 

About time you finally came to me.

"Y/N," he replied, calling you by your first name. His expression never change, they're rather cold, unimpressed, he studied both of you, then back to you, he lift his chin up as he locked his eyes on you, "you brought a friend." Intruder, he finally said after a brief silence, Eren closed his sketchbook and then cracked his knuckles, Hitch pulled you, taking a seat in front of Eren. 

"Now let's skip the chit chat, because by the way Eren, you smells musty," Hitch waved her hand in front of her face, she's not wrong though, he smells like tobacco and axe body spray. Furthermore when Hitch explained the reasons of hers and yours arrival to Eren, his gaze never really left you, sometimes he would spare Hitch small glances and nods as confirmation of himself still listening, but his attention was on you. 

And you willingly stares back, you still couldn't read his expression, they're as calm as the morning blue sky, they're just so empty it sucks you in, maybe it's the blunt hatred and envy from him for your presidential position, or maybe it was something else, you even almost think that you two are basically eye fucking each other. 

You extended him the proposal and the selected material details to him, it's almost graduation, and you're running out of time to find someone who could make an exclusive design for the jackets you are planning to make as a gift for the after party event. The other councilor members and you also haven't decide the theme yet, it has to be perfect. Your last hope is Eren, the fine arts student all the girls in school droll over, even though his charisma was slightly dimmed after his loss at the election, he still got his charm, and you really prayed to Goddess Fortuna because you don't want to risk looking for someone else to customize this specific special item and just to get disappoint by the erratic result, at least when Eren agree to take the work, someone could watch over.

"No fucking way," Eren let out a smug chortled, "the president needs my help," he added in a sneering tone. Cute. 

"So you agree or not Eren," you try to suppress your nerve, and you really try not to punch his cocky face, the way he throw his head back a little so he gave you this kind of kubrick stare, gazing into your soul as if he wants to eat you alive, and just like they said, if looks could kill, you're probably be ripped apart by now. 

"What if i say no?" he continued, tapping his boot's toe on the wooden floor. 

"You'll waste your talent," you gift a thin smile that hides a very big urge to stab him repeatedly. 

Eren chuckled, he looked away towards the window before he lean forward to you, "What happen to the other art students, L/N? Did they finally acknowledge your overly perfectionist bossy self or what?" 

"And what about it?" you argued, leaning to his face, he wanted to humiliate you, he wanted you to get on your knees and beg, but you still have your dignity. 

"Uh, what is this," Hitch hesitated, "i am highly uncomfortable with the atmosphere we created in this room," what's with the eye fucking? Hitch thought, she felt like she's interrupting a really heated make out session but instead of kissing it was exchanging pure hatred, Hitch nudged you by your elbow, giving you a look. 

You gritted your teeth and pursed your lips together, leaning closer to Eren's face, "Alright, if this is about that stupid president election we had together grow up Eren! The world doesn't evolve in your stupid drama queen head, so please since i'm asking you nicely before i could fu-" You stopped your bust as a waitress came over with the drinks you ordered earlier, you glared angrily at Eren as you caught a tug of amused smirk at the corner of his lips, it was the fact that you desperately needs his help but still play all bitchy, he found it funny. 

Sure you have your dignity, and he is willing to destroy it just because he can.

After the waitress left, you tasted your fresh latte angrily, making Eren chuckled under his husky breath, while on the other side Hitch is silently witnessing the tense between you two. 

"Fine," Eren broke the silence after a few minutes since the waitress left, "i'll take the work." he sat up, you nodded and watched as that key necklace of his dangling out from his collar, and when your eyes laid on the toned chest that peaking under his shirt, you gulped your saliva and quickly looked away, "good, thank you for your understanding."

You clasps your hands together and you could hear Hitch's faint sigh of relief, "great so now i think we have our deal, you know Professor Levi's tea shop right? tomorrow we're doing a gathering, be there before 8, and if-" 

who says that i'm finished doll? Eren tug another smirk, "but with some condition."

⊱✿⊰

"For real? No party organizer available until next January?" you groaned in frustration, frantically flipping through pages of your journal, Hitch and Armin walks by your side to the long table area.

Chaos. 

Chaos everywhere, you feel like your head is going to explode, your blood boils, and there's this uncomfortable anxiety under your skin, crippling under you and devouring you slowly. You've been overworked yourself the entire night after your meeting with Eren, you were brainstorming for your graduation speech, activity recap, and of course other ornaments for the very last project you're having in your senior year, you cried for three hours while listening to montgomery ricky then cried again over the document you accidentally deleted. 

You're exhausted.

Mentally and physically, you woke up with puffy eyes and wrecked brain, but you knew that everything must go on, and no, you won't back down, everything has to be perfect, 

It has to be perfect. 

Hitch pouted as she watches you typing on your laptop, she snakes her arms around your waist and leaned her head against your shoulder, watching you making some kind of budget recap, "sweetie you should rest and lay down." She spoke with a soft smile. 

You pursed your lips together before you leaned your head on top of hers, not leaving your eyes from your laptop, "thanks Hitch, but i'm alright, i'll just finish this and i'll take a break for a bit." You just can't really trust anything without yourself being under control or watching over, you're afraid that everything would astray far from your definition of 'perfection,' this empire you've been building, and this is your last legacy the next generation will remember, and you wanted it to be remarkable. 

"No dumbass, the last catering service was too expensive and apparently our university was filled with cheapskates." argued a voice from across the room.

"Well we have no choice???" other voice argued back, "Or we can rely on your very bad cooking skill Kirstein, just pray nobody's gonna die from food poisoning." 

You huffed at the sight of Ymir and Jean who was sitting face to face on the floor, both are on their phone scrolling on google, you looked around and found Sasha, Marco and Connie, chatting across you, and you looked over to the three people next to you, your vice president Hitch, your treasurer Armin, and your secretary Mikasa. You couldn't help yourself but smiling at your team, they works so well. 

Then you frowned as your realized something, "Have Eren-" 

A short blonde girl with a tray of drinks and snacks entered the room, "Y'all snack time!" she called out with a large grin on her face.

Ymir's face lit up as she walked up to her girlfriend, Sasha sprinted towards Historia, going feral over food as usual. 

"Ugh finally," you chuckled to Jean's mumble. Soon, half of the room crowded the blonde girl, reaching for snacks and drinks, your eyes fixated as you slowly notice the presence of the familiar sea green eyes, you watches as Eren strolls inside of the meeting room, he yawned before he took a seat on Hitch's place, your frowned slightly, "excuse you?" 

"Excuse me?" he replied, plastering that damn cocky smile, he looked to you up and down, definitely mocking you under his degrading gaze, dammit y/n did you overworked yourself?

"Well have you look at yourself, President." he snickered, suddenly a sketch design laid in front of you, you shift your eyes to Eren, before you took the papers on your hands. Soft grazes of colored pencil and ink, the art was delicate yet firm, "what is this?" you asked dumbly to the design of two bomber jackets, each of the jackets has their own scrawled side notes of the color details, embroidery, and even fabric material.

"Both jacket will be make from satin, no argument, satin," Eren spoke, he pointed his polished finger nail to the design, "the girls will have the yellow one, the boys will take the red, it'll have our Uni symbol and our number," he explained, "should be ready as soon as possible," Eren watches you closely, waiting for you to say something. Part of him.....just wants you to react, just anything, just any reaction exclusively for him. 

You blinked slowly, wow. Honestly it's beautiful, looks like it was Harajuku style inspired, you can't wait to touch the final craft, you glanced at Eren, "thank you," you spoke finally, "it's really beautiful."

I'm glad you like it. "Of course it's beautiful, i made it," he replied with a smug face, he cracked his knuckles then tapped his fingers to the wooden table, "now now, what do we have here." 

It was part of Eren's condition. One, he wanted to be fully involved in the graduation ceremony prep and the after party. Two, most importantly nobody touch his creation while he have full control of it, you reluctantly gave him the responsiblity to handle the venue decoration and the theme, most of the people in your team weren't really pleased with that decision, but like you all have time to think? But after considering it, you felt like it would be good idea to have extra hands helping. 

Anything,

To reach the absolute perfection.

⊱✿⊰

"I'm so glad, that this is almost over, because i could not bear drinking another monster and espresso or i might get caffeine intoxication," you grinned as you earned chuckles through the dinner table, it was all paid off, and the grand event was right in front of your eyes, you could already imagine yourself standing on that podium, delivering your grand speech, high and god like.

But now, celebration first. 

The admiration looks from your team and the last year student council team — who decided to join for the gig — feeds your ego, there's Zeke, Nicolo, Reiner, Pieck and her girlfriend Yelena, Porco and Bertholdt. Your friends really look up to you, from the day you earned your position, they knew they could count on you. "Thank you, thank you for all of the hard works this season, i would never ask for a better team, you guys are the best that i could ever wished for," you grinned and picked up the can of beer from the table, everybody raises their drinks, and you looked at the edge of the table, where your graduated senior, Zeke Jaeger sitting down, giving you a proud look, he was a student president before you, "this is for everyone, our community has never been this great, because you all dedicated your hearts." As you cheers together, you looked around, something is missing, you can feel it, yet you can't find any solid answer for that feeling. 

It was a simple outdoor Korean barbecue party in your house's backyard, after all done, you wanted nothing but to treat your friends, because that's what they deserved for serving you right. It was returning favor, while waiting for the meat to be cook perfectly by your senior Nicolo, you sat besides Mikasa as you both chats, while Armin was next to her, busy with his phone. In the distance, chaotic guitar strums and jams from drunk Connie and Jean cracking the air together with everyone that hyping them up. You pressed your chin against Mikasa's shoulder while both of you giggling over a twitter thread. 

"Eren said he's coming over," Armin announced to both of you, he looked down to his phone and let out a heavy sigh. 

So that was the missing piece. 

"Why's the sigh?" you asked Armin.

Armin hesitated, he looked around everywhere that isn't you, he rubbed his hand through his undercut, it feels like watching someone having a very conflicted mind war with themself, he then finally impaled you with a mixed expression, "Y/N," he started, "i don't know how to say this but....." He glanced over at Mikasa, and you followed him. 

The dark haired girl rather gave him a surprised expression, a some kind of you did not! look. You exchanged the utterly confusion to both of them, Mikasa nodded slowly, "She needs to know, Armin." 

"I need to know what?" 

"What are you guys talking about?" you turned around and sees Eren standing right in front of you, bruised up and bleeding, his knuckles was fucked in a shade of dark red and purple, strands of hair falling in front of his face, Mikasa quickly stood up, "Eren did you—"

"Yes i did," he shot her a cold glare, you could see from the corner of your eyes that Zeke started to approaching, Eren's eyes then finally found Armin, who's looking scared and nervous more than ever, "tell me, what's the interesting story Armin?" his tone was striking and icy, under his husky voice, you could track hints of slurs because of alcohol. 

Armin went quiet, he gripped his knuckles, what is this? something must happened and you didn't know, and you hated that. You hated when things was out of your reach. "It's okay Eren, you should check your wounds, they look pretty bad," Armin swallowed, his words came out more threatening than he anticipated. 

"No, no, no, i wanted to know what you gonna say to Y/N," Eren moves closer to Armin, "you are not trying to tell her anything bad about me right?" 

They looked like they're ready to throw hands, but Zeke was already slips between them, holding the both boys's chests with his flat palms, "come on now guys, let's not." he hesitated.

"No, let's." Eren insisted, he slapped his brother's hand, you quickly pulled him down by his arm, he flinched when he felt your touch, Eren glance at you, and for a split second his eyes went soft, it was that soft that you felt nothing but pure affection from his sea green eyes, then something took over his body, he suddenly pulled you by your collar, lifting you up, moving your face closer to his.

His eyes were bloodshot, you squeezed his wrists while kicking your feet on the air, "you," he growled, his warm breath smells like alcohol, you blinked slowly, scanning Eren's animalistic glare, but there is no hate in his eyes, you found yourself trying to look for it but there it none, instead there's this raging desire, he looked at you like you were his prey, "Eren-" you choked, for the first time, you feel powerless.

"I hate you," he hissed, but all you could sense was lie, his mortal fingers squeezing you so deadly but you feel the comfort of it, the bizarrely embracing lust, and his existence blurs all the noises around you, just you and Eren Jaeger. "you took everything from you," he continued, "i woke up everyday wishing you dead." 

You knitted your eyebrows, and you feel your godly ichor rushes back through your veins, a disgusted smirk appeared on your face, belittling him for lying, "liar." 

Then huge arms pulled Eren from you, tackling him to the ground, Mikasa caught you before you hit the ground, Hitch stepped in front of you, shielding you from Eren who was struggling under Zeke, "Eren what the hell!" she shouted. Mikasa helped you up and pulled you close to her chest, "Y/N are you okay?" she sounded so scared, questions and assumptions popping in your head about what happens between Mikasa, Armin, and Eren. You looked up, finding Reiner helping Zeke restraining his own brother. You knew a minute ago that guy attacked you, but seeing Eren in that position just feels so wrong, you never thought you'll get drew by a guy like Eren Jaeger, but here you are finding yourself shoving aside your pride while approaching the two blonds. You put your hand on Zeke's shoulder, squeezing them gently, "it's okay," your delicate tone shocks him, "let him go Zeke." 

You could feel everyone giving you a jaw drop, but when all eyes on you, you find yourself only looking at Eren. 

After a tense moment, Zeke and Reiner finally let go of the brunet, you pulled Eren up then you put the tip of your fingers to his chin, examining his wounds, he scoffed and avoided your eyes, dropping his eyes to the ground. "Let's get that clean up," you mumbled and dragged him by his hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. Leaving everyone in a ambiguous silence. 

"Why are they leaving? the wagyu is ready."

You walked upstairs to your room, no words exchange both of you before you finally entered the bathroom with Eren, you let go of his hand, your heartbeat strangely skipping inside your chest, while you were searching for the medicine kit in the cabinet, when you finally turn around, you found Eren already sitting on the toilet seat, you kneeled down in front of him and you opened the medicine kit, you pulled a towel from the drawer and stood up, wetting it in the sink, "what happen?" you finally spoke. 

Eren let out a deep chuckle, he wiped his bloody nose with his thumb then wiped it off on his jeans, gross. "Why do you care," he asserted. 

You rolled your eyes and kneeled back in front of him, with dripping wet cloth on your right hand, "please you stormed on me, lifted me up and looked at me like you wanted fuck me against the table while also wanted to burn me alive at the same time." you gave him a judging look. You took his hands, and then slowly pressed the dampen cloth on his bloody knuckles, he didn't flinch, Eren remained silence while he watches you. You could feel his smirk while you were treating his wounds. "Have i told you how hideous you look tonight?" he asked quietly. 

"No, tell me." 

Eren then moved his left hand away from you, extending them, he caressed his thumb on your cheekbone, made you froze, his hand then traveled to your ear, it tugged your hair behind them, "i cannot." He whispered softly. 

You looked up, and put the now reddish cloth on the floor, you moved closer to the burnet in front of you, you intertwined your fingers with his once again, the tense on his shoulders visibly relax while his pupils widened to the presence of you, "now would you tell me what happen?" your voice sweetened, melodic in his ear, and it seems like he's lured enough by it. 

Eren huffed a chuckle, he looked down to both of your hands, "Had a fight with Pops," he shrugged, "took the anger on the wall." You moved closer to his face, close enough to smell the liquor in his breath. Eren stared at you, he never imagine he would have the blessing to be this close with you, he was always watching you from afar. Those interrogation towards Armin regarding you, questions after questions on your personal life, forcing Armin to dug deeper and helped Eren fulfilling his needs on you, he'd followed you after school, to your favorite coffee shop, your home so he'll know your address, to where ever he could reach you, man... he'll go after you to the edge of the world if that's where you're heading. 

"Do you still hate me?" you asked, and to be honest the question kind of scares you, because after these past few weeks of spending more time with Eren Jaeger, you finally caught in his fire, his flaming intimacy you thought was long gone, and you also surprises yourself for not getting pissed off by the feeling, because it makes you feel vulnerable. 

Eren grazes his thumb on your jaw as if you were made of glass, he kneeled down to the floor with you, so you both could be equal, no high ground. "The truth is my darling, i never was," he confirmed, "after you won that election it was my last straw because from the first time i laid my eyes on you, Love.... You have bewitched me body and soul," he's been watching over you from the distance and you still as pathetic as he could remember, maybe it's the way you stole glances at him, the way you would secretly checking him out but little did you know that he notices everything, he's been reading you like an open book without having to flip through every pages, because you already spread open for him, "you have became the very thing that is out of my reach, Love. And for i have fancy you, and you'll be mine not just in my mind but fully," and he is itching to taste you. His warmth envelopes you to a sense of safety, he trails his hands to your waist, pulling you closer to him, and you melt like a candle on fire. Right above you stand an entity greater than yourself, the essence of mystery that fold itself in front of you, and with the universe speak between you, everything is a clarity. 

And you, you don't get it, you thought it was all envy to the position you have, and for the first time, you crave something other than power, "Did you just quoted Pride and Prejudice for me, Jaeger?" you snakes your arms around his neck while his growing bulge strokes on your clothed cunt, the rough material of his jeans made your arousal grow thicker, "my, my, my i used to think that you were just a pretty face with zero common sense," you teased, nuzzling your nose against him. 

His husky chuckle vibrates against your skin, without warning he pushes you up against the wall and you immediately jumped onto his waist with your legs, you gasped as your back hit the cold surface, Eren kneading your butt cheeks as he was holding you up, his chest pressed on yours, warm breath mixes together, "ouch, did you just call me dumb?" you snickered, Eren tilts his head before he smirked, "maybe we could be equally dumb after i make you babble nonsense with my cock." His mouth devouring yours feverishly. Frantic gestures rid you and him of clothes on your body, while you helped Eren unbuckling his belt, his teeth grazes yours, tongues fighting for dominance with each other, he latched his lips onto yours, hungry for more taste, you started to sucking his bottom lip while Eren savor your taste, he pushes more for a deeper kiss, his hand fondling your clothed boob, then it slipped under them, as he found your stiffened nipple, you felt his smirk between your kiss, and a moan escaped from your lips, they're already swollen and you knew you needed air soon, but without your realizing, you already breath through his air through the kiss. 

You unhooked your bra while Eren pressed you harder against the wall, his cock was already free from his jeans and boxer, his beautiful tip was coated in precum, when you finally exposed your breasts in front of him, the animalistic side possessed him back, Eren kneads your breasts greedily causing you to mewl, shivers running down your spine, and you unconsciously grinds you drenched cunt against his waist, Eren cackled. 

"What a fucking whore, you looked like a cat in heat." 

You whined when his flat palm hit your cunt, he rubs the dampen clothed surface of your clit, Eren brought his mouth to your breast and started to circling his tongue on your nipple, making your back arched and you grinding to nothingness of his waist, "whore," he spat, a string of saliva bridge between your skin and his lips, "is this what you called a student president? i don't think so." Eren grip your throat and slowly adding pressure to your air circulation with his index finger and thumb, his other hand has been stroking his own cock for awhile, he uses his precum as lube and your eyes twinkled to the beautiful sight. 

Your lips parted, he let out a throaty groan to your ear just to tease you, "what if i just jack myself and leave you like this?" the menacing grin appeared on his face, your desperate look just pleased him even more, he groaned under his breath as he feeling himself twitching, and your drooling pussy just looking tastier than ever, Eren inhaled and faked a pout, "aw, what is it? don't you want to walk around with my cum dripping from your slutty hole aren't you? that is sinful my Love, won't it gonna stain your pride, Miss President?" 

You cursed under you breath, and another slap landed on your cunt, you threw your head back as Eren squeezed you against the wall, "nu uh, bad words," he growled, "what do you want, Y/N? Use your fucking mouth if you want something, did your parents never tell you?" another hard slap on your cunt made you gasp, you cried louder, and Eren shushed you while peppering kiss on your naked shoulder, "careful darling they might hear you from downstairs." 

He pecked your nose before he finally aims his cock to your entrance, stroking his tip to your dripping cunt, "what do you want, Y/N? say it." He repeated.

"Your cock!" you whimpered, "please pound me with your cock.... please Eren.. i just want it inside.."

He slammed into you, causing you to let out a sharp noise, "Oh, like this?" Eren felt your soft warm walls hugging him so tightly, as if you guys just fit so perfectly together, he held his hand on your tummy to prevent you from grinding your greedy self, letting your cunt clenching him by itself, "fuck you're so tight my Love," he groaned subtly. 

"E-eren please move..... i'm begging you...." you sobbed so pathetically. Eren moved his face close to yours and pinned your wrists above your head, "this will need an outcome don't you think?" he tilted his head, making you wept for his cock to move even more, suddenly an idea popped in his head, "I will move," he said, "i'll shoot my loads in you and then you'll be mine, i want you to want me so badly, i'm going to imprison you, and then.... just then...it'll be just you and me, always and forever," he dug his face on the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent so they'll stay in his head, but he knew it won't, you're his own personal drug anyways, "promise, Darling?" Eren whispered against your skin.

You shivered under him, your eyes rolls at the back of your head, your pussy is aching with lust, so needy for his cock. You quickly nodded your head, "p-promise." 

Eren kissed your neck, sucking them briefly, leaving a visible mark on your soft skin, "good girl."

He pulled his cock from you, leaving just the tip, before then he impaled, filling you up with his length, he slide so easily onto your meat, your legs shivered as he endlessly pushed deeper inside you, and you could feel his tip kissed your cervix, Eren then started to moves at a quick pace, "you like that so much hm? taking my cock like a little slut," he said velvety, turning you on even more. He buried your moan into a deep kiss, his big arm scoot your hips close to him as he ramming his cock with no mercy onto your walls, his other hand still pinning your wrists, as if you're gonna escape from him. You started to rolling your hips on him, making him move more faster, you're both skin to skin, grinding onto each other desperately, "Eren....s'big...so deep..." you moaned. He continues to pound into you.

"Fuck, that's right baby say my name."

"Eren!"

After a minute he completely stopped, you opened your eyes and your face shows confusion, before you could ask any questions, he suddenly slams all of his length into you, causing you to yelp both in pain and pleasure, the lewd sound of skin slapping made you curl your toes, he pounding into you like there's no tomorrow, you threw your head back, your tongue lolling out from your lips, he slamming all his length in and out of you repeatedly until you're a shaking panting mess, an amused look plastered on his cocky face, and his hips didn't stop dipping on you, not letting you think straight or put up any fight, "come on, fucking take it like the cumslut you are."

You choked on your breath as the knot in your stomach getting tighter, "E-ren... hugs...hugs....?" you purred to him, he finally let go of your wrists and let your head fell against his shoulder, he increases his phase that you didn't know was possible, you warped your arms around him as he did to you, and you dragged your nails through his sweaty back, Eren started to whisper sweet nothings as he felt himself twitching, he slurred curses underneath his groaned, his veins popped as he gripped you tightly, his muscles flexes at each moves.

You didn't dare to question him when he said that he'll fill you up inside, because no matter what your answer is, he'll do it anyway. The sight of his hard rock abs and v lines sent you over the edge, “Eren i’m gonna cum—“

“cum with me, Darling.” 

You tasted the bitter tint in your tongue as you started seeing stars, you vision went black as Eren rides you to your orgasm while fluid started dripping down your thighs, your body is shaking uncontrollably, Eren let out a loud groan as he riding himself to his own high using your abused cunt, he shot his warm thick load onto your womb, making sure you take all of it, you buried your face on his neck, he slowly pulls out his cock and watches the white liquid oozing from your hole. Eren lifted up your chin, he cupped your cheek and pressed a soft kiss against your lips, mixing your pants together, “mine.” he moaned to your soft plump lips.

“yours."

⊱✿⊰

[kozisjournal]

𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒈𝒐- 𝑡𝑜𝑢𝑦𝑎 𝑡𝑜𝑑𝑜𝑟𝑜𝑘𝑖

first piece ! this one has a massive tw

reader tries to unalive themselves, vomit mention, cursing as well, but its touya so do we expect anything else

1.9k words all together, and there's an alt ending too hahah.

enjoy!

it wasn’t always like this. touya started to notice his partner’s downward spiral pretty quickly. he didn’t want to admit he was worried. he couldn’t show anyone he was worried. even them. but he couldn’t ignore the pure panic starting to build in his chest. it sat on his chest like a white rage, making his limbs tremble a bit.

they're fine. If they needed something, I would’ve been there.

he began to repeat this like a mantra, a deep breath pulled in every so often to hopefully shake off whatever this was. was this a panic attack? last time he’d had one, he stood in front of his father, pulling out fistfuls of hair with his small and already scarring hands. no. it’s not that. then what is it?

“hey, bacon bitch. we have to go over the mission for tomorrow. will you go find l/n?”

shigaraki. with a sigh, touya’s arms uncrossed from his chest, and he nodded before making his way back into the base. the walk from the bar to their shared room wasn’t long at all, yet the door was closed.

that’s weird, they usually keep the door open.

a swift knock replaced the silence in the air, the odd feeling in touya’s chest dropping to his stomach as no answer came. again, he knocked on the bedroom door, a bit more urgency within his movements now.

“babe? are you in there? shiggy called a meeting.”

Nothing.

“y/n?”

silence. his breathing became heavy, taking in large gulps of air to fill the sudden emptiness he felt. his head shook and a stapled hand around the door knob, his wrist tilting to turn it.

he was half expecting to see his significant other asleep, but the bed was empty, and felt cold against the palm of his hand. bright blue eyes scanned across the bedroom, falling on the open closet, a few articles of clothing laying on the floor in front of it. it was like someone had looked through their belongings. it may explain the closed door. one of the members had come in to snoop, probably toga. no, that wasn’t it either. toga would’ve mentioned something she’d found on her hunt. upon further inspection of the pile of clothes that had been looked through, it seemed like there was something missing. a small box, maybe? if it was something like that, touya had never seen anything of it, or what was inside of it.

“touya~ ya coming? the meeting is about to start.”

“i told you not to call me that.”

“but you let y/n call you that.”

“that’s different. they're— ”

“speaking of, have you seen them anywhere? I haven’t laid my eyes on them all day!”

another shock wave of worry rushed through touya. he stuttered a bit as he spoke.

“Y-You haven’t s-seen them?”

“nope, not once today. i’m sure they're around somewhere. i’ll see you at the meeting.”

and with that, the young blonde basically skipped away, calling out for twice on her way down the hall. did they go out? no, no. they would’ve at least told someone they were leaving the base. touya slid his hands in his pockets, abandoning his now very lonely bedroom to look through the others. with each room, he came up empty handed, finding not even a trace of his love. shit… wait, was that—?

a soft, familiar sound wrapped around his waist and pulled him from jin’s room and to the bathroom door. humming? y/n only does that in the comfort of their room. only after tough missions, or when touya relives the terror of his childhood in his dreams. so, why? before he can even think, his fist pounded against the slab of wood.

“doll? are you okay?”

the voice that followed sent a chill through his warmed body.

“touya…?

“baby, you sound sick. i’m coming in.”

“you can’t.”

“what do you mean i can’t”

“i don’t... want you to… see me like this..”

like what? touya didn’t understand. he couldn't understand. he’d seen his partner through plenty of lows before, but this felt different. were they trying to—?

his hand wrapped around the door knob, but unlike any of the doors he’d opened before, this one was locked. touya figured his mind was just playing tricks on him, and that this wasn’t actually happening. the door in front of him wasn’t really locked, right? however, when he tried to open the door again, it remained sealed.

“y/n. open the door. now.”

only an airy giggle followed his demand. was this a joke? were the events of today all a part of an elaborate, sick prank the league pulled together without him knowing? touya, again, shook his head, pressing his ear up to the door as if that would give him some kind of clue. it didn’t. he kept his hand wrapped around the locked piece of metal keeping him from his beloved, the almost comforting feeling of his quirk completely engulfing his palm. as the metal starts to melt, he threw his body against the wood, finally gaining access to the small room.

in the bathtub was where he found his darling, their head leaning lazily against the wall behind them as eyes fought to stay open. an empty pill bottle and it’s cap laid idly on the tiled floor next to the overflowing tub.

“get out.”

“no. what did you take?”

“it doesn’t matter.”

y/n’s words were slurred as they spoke, and touya paid no mind to their protests as he reached forward to grab the bottle on the ground.

“morphine? how much was in here? when did you take this?”

“touya. i love you.”

“answer my question.”

“i’m sorry…”

his eyes moved from the bottle to his significant other in the tub, as they began to sink into the water. the empty bottle was thrown to the floor, wrapping his arms under y/n’s to pull them up. their head rolled back, eyes following suit as their breathing became almost nonexistent.

“shit. no, no. y/n? baby, answer me!”

nothing came from them, remaining unresponsive in touya’s arms. against his better judgement, a hand moved to land a harsh slap across the unconscious one in his arms face. no reaction.

“fuck—!”

touya dragged them from the bathtub and moved himself and his partner in front of the toilet, quickly supporting their head with the palm of one of his hands. he sat himself beside his love, keeping them up as he pulled their jaw open. a grimace sat across his face as touya’s first two fingers pushed themselves down the other's throat, only to pull his hand away when he felt a gag. bile and the previously swallowed pills pushed their way up from y/n’s stomach and into the toilet with a harsh cough following. two cold, wet hands braced themselves on the sides of the bowl, another gag pushing what was left of the medication out of y/n’s body. their voice was hoarse as they spoke.

“why didn’t you just leave me there?”

“you were going to fuckin’ die.”

“that was kinda the point, touya.”

blue eyes widened at those words, his breath catching in his throat as the two looked at each other. y/n’s breathing was labored, still fighting against the sleep that was trying to pull them away from touya. a very careful, scarred hand moved to rest against the cheek of the other.

“you can’t leave me.”

“bub-”

“shut up. you’re not allowed to just leave after everything. what am i supposed to do without my butterfly?”

no words followed, yet the smaller one in touya’s arms remained awake against their own will. good. arms moved to wrap around y/n’s waist, tugging them closer as he stood. a grunt pushed past his lips as touya hoisted them up from the ground.

“what are you—”

“hush, i’m just taking you to our room.”

as if they had accepted defeat, y/n’s weight rested against touya’s body. an arm hooked under their knees, the other staying around their waist as the taller male lifted them and started carrying them to their room. y/n shifted a bit, resting their head against touya’s shoulder, eyes fighting to stay open with each passing second.

“baby, can you stay awake? please? for me?”

the smaller one in touya’s arms only groaned in response, their head again rolling forward as they started to cave under the heavy weight of exhaustion. touya could only panic, his steady hands now trembling as he lightly nudged the door to their room open with his shoulder. he made his way over to their bed, sitting the other on the edge. y/n didn’t support themselves like touya was expecting, but as he started to move from the bed, he felt the weight of the other move with him.

“shit. hey, y/n. c’mon, let me see those pretty eyes.”

another groan filled the air, and touya felt a sigh of relief rush past his lips. dull eyes pushed open to look back up at touya, their normal brightness now dark with the come down of whatever high had been chased. cold, damp arms snaked around touya’s neck, a steady breath fanning across the burned skin,

“why can’t i just take a little nap?”

“because you could slip into a coma. i’m not letting that happen. sit still, I’m getting you warm clothes.”

he didn’t mean for it to come out like an order, expression flattening while cold hands moved to rest on his shoulders.

“can i have a hug instead?”

touya hesitated, breath pausing for a moment before ultimately shaking his head.

“let's get you dry clothes first… just work with me. please.”

y/n could hear the desperation in his voice, nodding slowly as their hands removed themselves from his shoulder, pulling the sheets into their hold.

touya slowly pulled away, eyes glued to his lover as he did so. hurried movements carried him through the room, his eyes darting to y/n while he filtered through the closet for clothes. finally, a sigh of relief passed through his lips as he returned to them with a set of dry, warm garments. his of course, y/n wouldn't have it any other way. he stood in front of them, their head tilted down, eyes almost losing the battle to stay open. his hands felt more steady now, motions flowing easily through them when he captured their chin in a loose grip, kneeling down to make eye contact.

“hey, angel. think you can stand for me?”

they, of course only nodded in response, the weight of today's events slowing their body. changing was quick, touya’s hands doing most of the work while also managing to hold them up. the wet clothes were discarded, thrown to the side, but a mental note was made to take care of them later.

“i love you, touya.. i'm sor—”

“no, baby. don't apologize. you're safe now, that's all that matters.”

his hands warmed, taking their chilled face into them with the most reassuring smile he could conjure up.

“how about that nap, y/n? still tired?”

“absolutely fucking exhausted.”

“yeah, i thought so.”

he pulled them into bed, tucking their head into his chest as his breathing became more steady. y/n was out like a light, he was certain of that once slow breathes sent a chill down his spine. his head dipped down, pressing a feather light kiss to the crown of theirs.

“i’ll keep you safe from now on… i promise.”

[t-lostinworlds]

Wish You Didn’t (Peter Parker)

a/n: hello, hello. here’s another angst fic as ‘tradition’ since this is my first ever full peter parker fic so yeah, please be kind alska. this is very fluffy from the start but then it’s all downhill from there lol, hope you enjoy this one <3

pairing: peter parker x female reader trope/genre: song fic - Wish You Didn’t Love Me by Jake Miller; best friends to...well; fluff and angst summary: You love Peter Parker with all that you have, but somehow, he doesn't find that as a good thing. Despite feeling the same way, to protect you, Peter wish you didn't love him at all. warnings: wholesome cuteness at the start to set you up for heartbreak, brief dark thought from peter, and swearing. word count: 13.9k+ (i mean, what’s new)

masterlist on bio & pinned post

-:-:-:-:-

"Ugh."

Peter looked up from his textbook just in time to see you drop your bag on the table and then plop yourself down on the seat across him in the library. There was a look of pure frustration on your face, his brows furrowing at the sight of the deep frown written on your lips.

"What's up?" Peter asked, twirling his pen in his fingers as he tilted his head at you in concern.

You let out a big sigh, meeting your best friend's gaze with your frown still intact. "I've got a debate coming up tomorrow," you grumbled dejectedly.

The crease between Peter's brows could only deepen at your words.

You were the best on the debate team, always at the ready to take whatever topic it was thrown at you, headstrong. You're always excited to gush to him about what could be your winning argument, what would put the opposing team at a standstill. So, to see you be somewhat upset about an upcoming debate, it was so unlike you.

Maybe because it seemed last minute but by the looks of it, Peter can't help but feel like it was more than that.

"What's it about?" he asked.

You blew out your cheeks, hand coming up to play with the notebook he had on the table before you blurted out,

"Spider-Man: Friend or Foe."

Peter cleared out his throat just as he turned the page of his book to hide it, sitting straighter in his seat, pretending to get back to reading to avoid your gaze.

He didn't tell you.

Years and years of being best friends yet you didn't have an ounce of clue that you were sitting right across the person who was going to be the topic of your debate.

Peter trusts you of course, he trusts you with his life. His reason was simple really: he just didn't want to drag you into it.

Plus, knowing how worried you can get, he just didn't want to put you through all of that, especially on top of all things college and with what's going on in your personal life. He already feels so guilty with the stress he's put May through, he can't bear to see you have that burden too.

And most importantly, Peter just wanted to protect you.

"Still don't see why you're bummed about it," he said with a shrug, gaze running over the text printed on the paper but none of it was going inside his mind.

"I got picked to defend him."

Peter's head shot up at that, eyes narrowing on your seated form as he asked, "Oh, so you think he's a foe?"

"No..." you trailed off, eyes wandering around his slightly messy table littered with notes, textbooks and books, highlighters and everything in between. "Not really."

Closing his book, Peter leaned forward, arms rested on the surface with his full attention now on you. "Care to elaborate?"

You pursed your lips, shifting in your seat as you crossed your arms over your chest. "I mean, he's probably got good intentions but I've read about the Sokovia accords you know," you started, Peter nodding to show you that he was following. "And it's a debate. The other party would do their best to make him out to be a reckless vigilante. I can already think of so many arguments that they'd throw."

"Such as?"

"That he could be doing this for fame and attention, or that he is doing good things but his drive to do them isn't exactly the best. Is it for revenge? Bragging rights or maybe something darker? Another one could be that he's young, careless and naïve. We don't know what he's really capable of superpower wise which means he can probably hurt innocent people in the future.

"Not to mention if he's on the right or wrong side of the law. Who has to pay for the collateral damages that he has caused? Is it right to let him go scot free? I could go on and on and I just," you paused, resting one arm on the table and then placing your head on it as you looked up at your best friend. "I can't really counter those things with full force because I don't really know the dude nor do I have any real, solid facts about him to back up my claim that he's completely on the good side."

"Research hasn't done you good has it?" Peter hummed, a soft smile playing on his lips as his hand came up to poke your cheek, a sweet attempt to try and rid of your frown.

You shook your head no with a deepened pout, taking his hand away from your face with your own free hand as your nimble fingers then played with his absentmindedly.

Peter's heart grew warm at the gesture.

"There's literally nothing on this spider dude aside from blog posts written by fanboys and girls gushing about how amazing he is. Which is never a great source since it's already so biased," you explained.

"What would truly help you aside from research?" he queried, eyes trained on the way you interlock your fingers together and then letting it go only for a second before interlacing them again, letting it go and repeat. It was such an adorable habit of yours, one that Peter has grown so fond of, your touch always delicate and sweet whenever you fidget with his hand.

"An interview I guess? It'd be nice to get to ask him a few questions. Like, it would help to know why I'm on his side. Get a perspective on why he does what he does, you know?" you sighed, eyes fluttering close with your frown still intact. "At least that way, I know I'm defending someone who I know is worth defending."

Peter hummed as he tore his eyes away from your intertwined hands and back on your sprawled out upper-half on the table. He pursed his lips, gaze on the dip and valleys of your beautiful but stressed face. His brain grew at odds the more he took in your deep frown—one he always hates seeing no matter the reason—as he raked his thoughts on what he could possibly do to help without having the trouble of revealing his secret to you.

"But it's genuinely impossible to talk to him—"

"You could send him an email," Peter blurted before he gave himself time to properly process his words. Hell, he didn't even get to weigh the odds and dangers of his proposition. But now that it already slipped out his mouth—

Shit. I don't think this is a good idea...

Your eyes snapped open as you gaped up at him, brows deeply furrowed as you wondered, "Spider-Man...has an email?"

Too late to back out now, Parker.

"Well, all the Avengers do, under Stark Industries to be specific," Peter said in the most nonchalant way he can muster. "Since, you know, Stark tech in their suits, modifications, upgrades, what color they want it as, etcetera, it's how they talk about those stuff."

You abruptly sat up, dropping his hand as you laid both of your palms flat on the table, eyes now twinkling with hope and excitement. "You think he'd actually see it?"

"Yeah, not many people know about it so," he trailed off with a shrug, opening his book again and flicking through the pages.

You leaned forward, trying to catch his gaze as you narrowed your eyes at him suspiciously. "How'd you know?"

Peter scoffed with a shake of his head, never looking away from his book given that you'd notice his lie right off the bat if he does so. "I don't know Y/N, probably because I work there," he pointed out. Well, technically it wasn't a lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either.

"And you're giving me it?"

He shrugged, finally meeting your gaze. "I don't see why not? As long as you don't share it around or sell it," Peter warned, shooting you playful glare.

"Yes! Oh my—you are the best," you exclaimed excitedly, jumping out of your seat and rounding the table to give him a back hug. "You're a lifesaver Pete, thank you." With one last squeeze, you pulled away and swiftly snatched your bag, feet in a rush as you treaded towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Peter asked bemusedly.

"Sending the email! Hopefully I can talk to him tonight!" you called back to him.

Peter can't help but shake his head at you with a laugh, "I haven't even given you the email!"

"Just send—"

Sssh!

"Oops, sorry," you whispered, finger over your lips as you rushed back to his side with a bright smile. "Just text me it please? Love you," you hummed, hand landing on his shoulder as you leaned down to place a swift but sweet kiss on his cheek.

The skin where your lips once were quickly turned pink, Peter's heart skipping countless beats at that four-letter word, unable to conjure any response the more he thinks about the actual weight of the warmth that's grown in his chest. He's heard you say it to him many times before of course, but despite holding a different meaning—one with friendship laced around it—it never fails to make Peter's heart soar.

Albeit wanting it to mean something else, something more, Peter knows he shouldn't. Always quick to silence his heart on screaming for more given that it wasn't ideal, for your sake. He always reminds himself that he already feels utmost content with what he has with you now, content with the love you make him feel even if it's only to an extent.

It was enough, for your sake.

Nothing but adoration coated his features as his eyes followed your every movement. His heart grew even more when you beamed at him once you pulled away, ruffling his hair playfully before hurrying out of the library, shooting him one last smile and a wave before disappearing from sight.

Peter can't wipe his own grin off his face, just the sight of your beautiful smile and your joyful eyes, easily contagious on his part. But then realization dawned on him and the curve slipped away, replaced by a frown laced with panic as he pulled out his phone to check the time.

"Shit."

He quickly gathered up his things and rushed out of the library, taking the back door out of the building to the nearest alley. Peter had his eyes glued to his screen the whole time as he quickly made a fake but believable enough email before sending it to you.

***

"Heard you were looking for me?"

You let out a yelp, jumping a few inches back as you spun around towards the direction of the voice. A hand flew over your chest the moment your eyes landed on a figure, shock befalling you as you froze. He was squatted down on the ledge of the rooftop of your apartment building, red and blue faint under the night sky. "Oh my—uh, hi," you squeaked, eyes blinking rapidly to see if what you're seeing was actually real.

The wind was blowing cold, your black pants, plain t-shirt and jean jacket doing just enough to minimize it. The sound of the streets of Manhattan was echoing below, very busy but faint due to your distance from the ground, enabling you to still hear his voice loud and clear when he spoke again.

"Hi, I'm Spider-Man," he introduced as he offered you his hand, masked eyes trained on you as you cautiously walked towards him.

"I know. I'm Y/N," you said, hesitantly reaching out to take his hand, the material of his suit rough against your palm as you shook it. You were in absolute awestruck, eyes glowing with wonder as you did nothing but gape at him.

"I know," he said and you can practically hear his smile behind the mask. He gave your hand a squeeze, the odd feeling that coursed through your bones made you tilt your head at him in mere curiosity, brows furrowed in utter confusion. Mr. Spider-Man swiftly cleared out his throat, eyes casted down as he quickly let go of your hand. "It's on your email," he added hastily.

"Oh, yeah," you muttered. A few seconds passed and you just stood there, staring at him like some star struck fan as you rubbed your hands together in both the cold and slight nerves. After a few seconds more, you finally spoke, "Wow, okay, I didn't expect for you to actually show up."

You don't know where to actually begin.

The first thought you had after sending the email was that he'd never actually see it, or if he does, he'll simply ignore it. You had been ready to wait out in the cold for a couple hours, anticipated the letdown to be frank. Yet here he was, the Spider-Man, right in front of you who, amazingly, even arrived right on time.

Spider-Man was making you nervous.

Normally, you have no problem with doing interviews. It is a form of research after all, and being on the debate team, you've done countless of it. But right now feels different.

Maybe it was the fact that he was a fucking superhero. He's someone who has actually done quite a lot and has probably seen and experienced other worldly things just as much if not more. Or maybe it's the fact that you simply don't know where this will go from here.

Will it do well that you'd get to ask proper questions and get answers that would truly help or will he get cocky and rude that this interaction would only end up being a waste of time?

Despite being famous, he was a complete mystery to everyone. The person behind the mask was wholly unknown and that itself makes you very nervous.

With a shrug, he said, "Well, wouldn't pass helping a friend."

"Are you making your voice deep?" you asked, the sound of his voice a little too...computerized for it to be normal.

He nodded. "Voice modulator, it helps keep my secret identity, well, a secret."

"Oh, yeah, figured."

You stayed quiet again after that, arms crossing over your chest as you kept your gaze steady on him, features coated with a mixture of emotions from confusion, amazement, curiosity and everything in between.

He chuckled softly, probably noticing your painfully obvious shyness. "Got questions for me?" he prodded.

You blinked a few times before frantically nodding, recalling how you specifically said in the email that you just wanted to ask a few questions. You then took out your phone, showing him the voice recording app and asked, "Is this okay?"

Spider-Man tilted his head at you with a soft hum.

"Yeah, I trust you with it."

You smiled.

The pressure and nerves turned lighter on your shoulders as you somewhat felt more comfortable...safe around him. And there's just something about the fact that he trusts you that warms your bones. It's like he's certain you only have his best intentions in mind, as if he knows you weren't in this for a selfish gain. It's really comforting in a sense, makes you feel confident that you're on the right track.

It makes you feel good about yourself.

With a soft nod, you hit record, words of curiosity slipping out of your lips soon after. "Those webs, do they come out from you?"

"No, they don't," he chuckled, taking out a vile from his wrist and then handing it to you. "That is what you call web fluid and I make them."

You gingerly took it in your hands, eyes scanning it briefly before you gave it back. "Impressive."

"Thanks. So, the fluid is like the bullets and these right here"—he showed you the black bands on his wrists with his hands open—"Are the web shooters that make me well, shoot webs. Like so," he explained as he pressed the button on his palm, the webs streaming out soon after and snatching an empty can on the far corner before it landed back in his hand.

You pursed your lips with a nod. "So, you can make weapons," you said with a certain tone in your voice that caused him to shift in his place.

"I—uh, no?" he stuttered, placing the can back on the ground loudly and in a not-so-subtle way. "I will never build a nuclear bomb if that's what you're wondering," he rushed when you narrowed your eyes at him in suspicion.

"Didn't say anything about a nuclear bomb," you pointed out with a tilt of your head.

"I-I'm, uh, I didn't—"

"I'm just messing with you," you cut him off with a soft laugh, your nerves diminishing swiftly at how he seemed to be a little shy and awkward but in an endearing way. It makes him appear more human, normal. "You're so tense, just relax."

"Yeah…okay," he breathed out. He turned around to face the city, going from crouching to fully sitting down on the ledge, hands folding on his thighs as he looked at you over his shoulder. He jerked his head, gesturing for you to come closer to which you gladly did.

You leaned on the concrete with soft hum, placing your phone beside his thigh so it was now between you both. You scanned the beautiful city with a content smile, the view never ceasing to amaze you despite seeing it too many times before. The rooftop is your best escape after all. It was nice to be far away from everything, even if it's only for a moment. Nothing but peace coats you whenever you're up here, may it be from the gentle gush of the wind or the bright shine of the moon that spreads throughout the blanket of black sky.

With a sigh, you looked up at the mask man beside you. Flustered was what you came to be when you noticed that he was already staring at your face, the white and black of his eyes looking somewhat soft, and you swear he looked almost as if he's smiling behind the mask. Warmth was quick to coat your body, a stark contrast to the cold breeze as you cleared your throat, causing him to swiftly look away.

"Sorry, I'm just a little nervous," he chuckled shyly, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. "Really want to impress you."

You felt your cheeks heat up, a timid smile growing on your lips as you shrugged. "No need to impress anyone, let alone me," you said. "Just be yourself Spider-Man."

Oh, I truly wish I could just be myself right now Y/N—

"Okay," Peter hummed with a smile.

"Are you sure this is fine?" you asked, gesturing towards your phone in the middle of you two. "I don't want to intrude or make you feel uncomfortable by recording our conversation."

Peter's heart grew warm as his smile widened. Always considerate you are, too kind for your own good. If it was someone else, he probably would've had loads of pictures taken by now. Or maybe even a hidden camera somewhere to catch him at the wrong moment. Many of which would then be posted on the internet to spread like wildfire. Not that he minded the photos and videos but it's off putting sometimes, especially when they churn out not-so-good headlines to match.

"Promise me you won't share or sell it?" he joked, mentally cursing himself soon after once he realized it's the same words he said to you earlier in the library. Although he felt a wash of relief right away when you didn't seem to notice as you only flashed him a sweet smile in return.

"I promise," you hummed, turning to face him as you leaned sideways on the ledge. "What other superpowers do you have?"

"Enhanced abilities such as super strength, I can run fast and heal fast. Dialed up senses meaning I can see, hear, smell and feel things on another level. I'm...sticky, meaning I can climb up walls and stick to stuff like how a spider would. And oh, spider sense," Peter elaborated, watching with amusement as he saw your eyes change from awe, confusion, to impressed and back to confusion.

"Spider sense?"

"I can sense danger and threats when it's coming, like I feel a tingle."

"That's really cool," you hummed, hand rapidly lifting up as you took a fast and big swing towards his shoulder. He caught your fist in his hand way before you could even have the chance to land a punch.

Peter shook his head at you in pure amusement, giving your fist a squeeze before he let it go. "That wasn't so successful now was it?" he chuckled.

"It was worth a try. Just testing the waters to see if it would trigger your 'spidey sense' as you call it," you laughed, quoting the two words with your fingers teasingly.

"It didn't because one, anyone could see that punch from a mile away, and two, I said dangers and threats," he paused, tilting his head at you adoringly. "And you're not really a threat."

"Hey, I can be threatening," you scoffed, chin up with your chest puffed out.

Peter couldn't stop the laugh that escaped his lips. "I'm sure you can. I bet you can handle yourself well, especially with proper training." He took in a deep breath before saying, "But that's not really what I meant."

"What did you mean?

"That I feel safe around you."

"Oh." You blinked at him a few times before you fully broke his gaze, suddenly turning bashful as your eyes watched the busy street below where the cars and people were scurrying about in the cold New York night. Squaring your shoulders, you added, "Well, for what it's worth, I feel safer around you now too."

Peter felt his heart leap out of his chest, a proud smile erupting on his face, gaze dropping on the ground—or lack thereof—shyly as red started to dust his cheeks. "That's worth a lot," he hummed, lifting his head at the same time you did, your eyes locking immediately.

You beamed at him sweetly, shifting on your feet before letting out a breath. "Right, onto a more serious question," you paused, gesturing at the whole of him with your hand. "Why exactly are you doing this?"

"What do you think is the reason why I'm doing what I do?" he asked back, eyes trained on your face for a moment before he looked straight ahead. He can feel your orbs burning a hole on the side of his face, your brows furrowed in a way that Peter could do nothing but grin widely. He always found your thinking face endearing.

"I don't know, could be a lot of things. Could be money, glory, revenge, bragging rights, most likely fame?" you suggested.

Peter shook his head, keeping his gaze on the building across. "If I was doing this for fame, you'd think I would've shown my face by now?"

"Touché."

"But no," he breathed out, eyes now trained on his feet as he swung them aimlessly on the edge of the building. "I just want to help to the best of my abilities. I feel like I was given these powers, me, for a reason. If I'm not going to use it for a good cause then what's the point of having them?" Peter turned to face you, holding your gaze securely, even behind the mask as he continued, "If I'm not going to help out the little guy, even if I can easily do that then, who will? I can't simply watch the world fall apart when I could've done something to prevent it or provided a little bit of help, you know?"

You nodded. "With great power comes great responsibility."

Peter cracked a smile. "Yeah, exactly," he hummed, gaze dropping to stare at his gloved hands, turning it over before clasping it together with a sigh.

"How do you feel about the people who think you're not on the good side? That you have some hidden agenda?"

"I pity them if I'm being honest."

"How so?"

"I mean, if you're at a point in life where you can't accept that someone is helping simply for the sake of helping, then you've must've gone through a lot to not trust easily," Peter started, fingers fidgeting with his web shooters before he met your gaze. "We've been taught to always think that there's an incentive in all that we do. If you give, you have to receive and vice versa. But why can't we simply give and not expect something in return? People are so accustomed to the whole give and take thing that when someone just gives, it feels unfamiliar. That's why they get suspicious. They overthink that surely I'm doing this for something else when there's really no other reason than simply wanting to help.

"I also get it. It's a cruel world we're living in unfortunately where we have to keep one eye open. But I wish people would begin to accept that someone is helping to make the world a better place by simply wanting to have a safe and better place. No hidden agenda whatsoever," he finished, brown orbs catching sight of how your smile grew wider, brighter.

"You're a wise man," you said with an appreciative nod. "With a really good heart too."

"Thanks. I try my best."

"I'd say you've probably lived a life, traveled the world, seen so many new things, been to space," you trailed off, raising a brow at him in question.

"Yeah, you could say that," he chuckled.

"Are you a billionaire? Are you a prince in disguise or maybe a king? Are you a lawyer? Or maybe some kind of mythical being like Thor?" you poked.

Peter laughed, shaking his head as he shrugged. "Nah, I'm just a kid from Queens."

Shit.

Peter you fucking idiot. You absolute dumbass—

"Huh, I've got a best friend who's from Queens," you muttered, voice barely above a whisper but thanks to his enhanced hearing abilities, of course he heard it loud and clear.

Peter bit the insides of his cheek to stop his smile, even though you weren't going to see it anyway since he has a mask on. I know you do. "Come on, I want to show you something," he said aloud instead, standing up to his full height with his hand out for you to take.

You narrowed your eyes at his outstretched palm before you looked up at his masked face. "Are you going to kidnap me now and sell my organs?"

Peter threw his head back with a hearty laugh, the sound ringing in the air as he shook his head at you. "No, I'm going to show you New York from a different angle," he said, smiling widely as he leaned over closer, hand open wide. "Do you trust me?"

"You did not just quote Aladdin," you laughed, taking your phone off the ledge to stop recording before shoving it in your pocket.

Peter shrugged with a sheepish grin. "What if I did?"

You smiled widely at that, placing your hand securely in his and giving it squeeze. "Then yes, I trust you."

Peter hoisted you up on the ledge with ease, both of you now standing side by side on the edge of the building. A small squeak came out of you when you curiously looked down and saw that the ground was actually very far away, your grip on his hand tightening when all you could think of was splat. He chuckled, moving closer to you as he lifted your arm and placed it over his shoulders, your eyes snapping back up to look at his masked face.

"Is this okay?" he hummed, his arm wrapping around your waist strongly once you gave him a nod approval. "Hold tight," Peter said.

"Please don't let me go," you whispered, worry-filled eyes boring into his own while a mixture of both nervousness and excitement coated your features.

"Never."

Peter jumped.

You screamed.

The strong gush of the wind swiftly hit your face, hair whipping around as your grip around him tightened starkly. You felt your stomach churn while you swung in the air, passing one building to another, going high up and then dropping back down in a swooping motion. Your legs wrapped itself around his waist almost instinctively, all in fear of falling to your death.

"This was a bad idea!" you screeched, head buried on the crook of his neck, eyes shut tight ever since your feet left the ledge.

"Open those eyes Y/N! You're missing all the fun!" Peter laughed, giving your waist a reassuring squeeze. He felt you slowly pull your head away from his neck, lids inching open one by one until you finally gawked at the wonderful lights and blaring colors of the city in awe.

Your mouth fell agape the more you took the sight in, the city a blur but somewhat beautiful in its own unique way. You loosened your grip around his shoulder just so you could lift a hand up in the air, a satisfied hum vibrating in your chest as you felt the cold wind brush through your fingertips in the most comforting way.

That's when you let out a gleeful laugh.

Peter felt his heart melt ten times over at the beautiful sound. His cheeks were hurting from grinning ear to ear the more he took in how you're having the best time.

You looked absolutely breathtaking, the city lights casting a glow over your features, eyes holding nothing but pure bliss and wonder with that lovely, bright smile of yours to match.

The city was pretty sure, Peter loves seeing it at night whenever he does his patrol. But you, you were gorgeous, a stunning sight that he could never ever have enough of. You never do fail to make his heart stop, never fail to take his breath away, never fail to make his limbs all weak and Peter found himself falling deeper despite trying his hardest not to.

"This is so cool—no!" you shrieked, eyes wide with fear as you shot high up midair and went free falling for a few horrifying seconds before you landed back into his embrace, slotting right into his chest. Peter laughed as you quickly went to latch onto him, your grip viselike with both arms around his shoulders and your legs around his waist. He wrapped an arm around you securely as his other hand held tightly on the web, both of you now face to face as you continued to swing in the air.

You lifted your head up to look at him fully, faces now inches apart as you stared right into each other's eyes. Peter felt his heartbeat quicken when your orbs held a certain spark, as if you could see the actual him right behind the mask. His eyes fell on your lips, slightly parted as you gawked at him. They look really soft, very pretty, inviting.

He gulped.

At that point Peter wasn't sure if he was thankful or annoyed that he was wearing a mask. Because if he wasn't, then he would've already done something he might regret—or not—later on, especially with the consequences that would come with it.

But when you opened your mouth to start to speak, that's when Peter grew even more nervous on what could possibly be running in your thoughts.

Did you figure it out?

You didn't get a chance to say whatever it was you wanted to say when all movements stopped, Peter releasing you from his hold right as you felt your feet touch the ground.

"That was mean," you said once you gently pulled away from him. "You said you wouldn't let me go," you added, adjusting your hair and clothes before you shot him a pout.

"I'm sorry, I got a little distracted," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck with a shy chuckle. It was a full on accident, mind preoccupied by all things you that he unconsciously loosened his grip around your waist which in turn, made you slip out of his grasp. "I'll always catch you though."

You pursed your lips at him with a tilt of your head. "If I hadn't known better I'd say you're flirting with me, Spider-Man."

Peter felt the heat rush up to his face in a split second. "I-I'm, uh—"

"Whoa," you cut him off once your eyes landed on the gorgeous city of Manhattan but much farther away and wider as you stood on a much higher building. The tall structures that surrounded the scene seemed like toys with their size, the lights that gleamed looking like little specks of stars floating in the air with the Empire State Building right at the middle of it all. "I haven't seen it this high up before," you said, giving him a swift glance before your eyes were back on the scenery. "It's really beautiful."

"Yeah, very beautiful," Peter sighed, brown orbs never leaving your features, his heart thumping in his chest, loud and fast, each beat all for you.

He walked over to where you were stood until your arms were brushing against each other. You spared him a glance, your smile wide and soft in a way that made his heart grow warm. But then you leaned your head on his shoulder and Peter swore he might as well die from a heart attack. If it were you with the enhanced senses, then you would probably catch him out quickly with how frantic and loud each beat his heart was making.

It wasn't new to him of course. You've always been the affectionate kind. And being your best friend, he's always at the receiving end of those affections.

But tonight feels a little different.

The fact that you feel safe around him without having to see his face, when all you see is Spider-Man, it makes his heart melt. The simple fact that you're comfortable when you're near him, that you can feel that you can trust him is really reassuring in a sense. It's like your heart is already familiar with who he is despite your brain—or your eyes—telling you that the person you're standing with right now is a complete stranger.

It feels really special when looking at it in that perspective, it makes Peter feel special.

Sudden boldness coursing through his bones, Peter snaked an arm around your shoulder with a gentle squeeze in the process. It took every ounce of his superhuman strength to keep his legs upright when you inched closer to his side, a soft breath coming out of you, a satisfied one. His eyes glowed with utmost adoration as it traced your features, from the soft smile playing on your lips to the twinkle in those irises as you kept your gaze on the stunning city in front. It baffles him how his heart quickened it's pace even more, just the sight of you in pure bliss. God he was so in love with you and you don't even have an ounce of clue.

Just say it out loud, tell her.

No, I can't. For her, I can't.

"It's getting late. I should probably head back home," you hummed, lifting your head off his shoulder to look at him. Peter nodded, arm dropping to your waist as he crouched down a little, just so you could sling an arm around his shoulder. "No dropping me this time," you warned, narrowing your eyes at him teasingly.

Peter laughed with a nod. "Yes ma'am."

The swing back to your apartment building took no time.

Despite wanting to drag the night out a little longer, Peter knew he can't do that to you when your debate was tomorrow, especially among countless papers and homework he knows you need to get to. Plus, he has his own errands he needs to tend to as well. Both of you landed on the ledge smoothly with you laughing at some bad joke he made. Peter helped you down like the gentle man that he is and giving your hand one last squeeze before he lets it go.

"Thank you for tonight," you said as you turned to his figure that remained standing on the ledge. Nothing but a wide, genuine smile played on your lips as you added, "Everything of tonight."

"Don't mention it," Peter said sweetly. "I had a really great time with you—shit. I hope that doesn't sound creepy or anything but I really did enjoy tonight, you know, our conversation, getting close with you and feeling you close to me while we were swinging...okay, I'll stop talking."

You let out the sweetest giggle that Peter could do nothing but swoon, his eyes softening as he tilted his head at you with the most adoring smile he could ever have the pleasure of wearing.

"I had a great time being close with you, too," you hummed, holding his gaze for a moment before you casted your eyes at the ground shyly. Shifting from your heels and toes, you pointed towards the rooftop door, before timidly meeting his eyes again. "I should probably—"

"Yeah, yeah, of course," Peter chuckled, shooting you a curt nod. "Goodnight, Y/N."

"Goodnight, Spider-Man," you said, swiftly turning around as you went towards the door, giving him one last glance over your shoulder when you pulled it open. He gave you a wave in response, your smile widening before you slipped inside and closed the door right behind you.

Peter had the stupidest, most shit-eating grin on his face that he don't think he could ever wipe off, eyes fluttering close as he spread his arms wide. With a satisfied breath, he slowly leaned backwards, letting gravity take its course as pure euphoria coated every fiber of his being.

Never has he ever felt such joy, freedom and utmost content as Peter lets himself fall.

***

"Hello there."

Peter looked up from his notes only to be met by a set of green eyes, completely taking him by surprise since it wasn't the pair of orbs he was expecting—and really excited—to see. It confused him to the core as to why one of the most popular girls on campus was sitting down right in front of him in the library.

"Hi?" he said, word coming out more as a question than a statement as he furrowed his brows.

"Peter right? Marjorie," she introduced, hand coming across the table to which he shook gingerly.

"Yeah, that's me." Peter smiled shyly, the crease on his forehead deepening the more he raked his brain as to why she's talking to him in the first place. Of course he knows who she is, the whole school does. Hell, he can already hear the whispers of gossip echoing about all because she's sitting right at his table, or as a matter of fact, simply because she's in the room. That's how big of a deal she is.

Marjorie moved forward, both her arms resting on the table with her bust right on top of it, the low cut top she wore doing so little to hide it, cleavage right up his face. Peter was quick to look away with a clear of his throat, eyes trained on his notes as a blush coated his cheeks.

She suddenly brought two fingers under his chin, prompting him to look back up. "Look me in the eyes when I'm talking to you pretty boy," she purred, a sly smirk growing on her lips when his blush deepened. She inched closer until she was fully leaning over the table and into his space, her thumb running across his chin teasingly. Peter's eyes grew wide in downright surprise and confusion, keeping his gaze locked with hers and never looking anywhere else—mostly not looking down—as he swallowed the lump in his throat. "Anyway, I heard you're really smart and I happen to find you really cute too. Not just a pretty face, aren't you Peter. So, I was wondering—"

Peter could feel you coming, hear you even, that all too familiar sound of your giddy and specifically patterned footsteps ringing in his ears. And dare he say it, he could smell your shampoo, the scent gradually growing stronger which was a clear indication that you were getting closer to the library.

He was left downright confused when you only stopped at the door, your heartbeat quickening by a mile as you stilled. Peter grew worried at the uneven sound of your breathing, all shallow and labored, the first thing that happens whenever you're in slight panic. He removed his eyes briefly from the girl across him only to see you turn on your heel in one swift motion and then completely disappearing from sight.

What was wrong? Where were you going?

"I, uh, I'm really sorry but I need to go." Peter quickly pulled his face away from Marjorie's hand, standing up from his seat all while shoving his things in his backpack. "I-It was nice meeting you," he said with a small smile before he sprinted towards the door.

He didn't see you anywhere near the building, didn't see you anywhere on campus at all.

It worried him even more when you ignored his texts and calls for the rest of the day. He knew your schedule but somehow, the moment he reached your class, you were already gone. Or maybe you hadn't even attended class in the first place. There was no other way of him knowing your whereabouts and he was growing really concerned by the second as to what had happened. So, he went with the last option he could think of on finding you quicker.

Peter slipped his mask on with a sigh, the sun already going down when he decided to try and pay you a visit in a very different set of clothes.

***

"Hi."

"What the fu—" You jumped with a yelp as you swiftly turned to face him, hand over your chest to try and calm your heart as you gaped at his masked face. "What are you doing here?"

Three times he's passed your apartment building and you weren't home. But by the fourth try, Peter's worry could only grow some more when he saw you out on the rooftop. You never stay out on the rooftop unless something was deeply bothering you.

"Wanted to know how the debate went," Peter reasoned, not the main agenda but it wasn't entirely a lie either.

"Well, my team won so that's great," you sighed dejectedly, leaning down to rest your elbow on the ledge while your chin landed on your palm.

"You don't seem enthusiastic? You still don't think I'm a friend?"

"No, no, I do now. It's just things in here." You tapped your temple, letting out another sigh when you brought your finger down to your chest, right where your heart is supposed to be and added, "Or in here rather."

Peter frowned. "What's up?"

"Who knew Spider-Man was into gossip," you teased, turning to flash him a small smile.

"Just curios," he hummed with a casual shrugged, settling himself down on the ledge, facing you this time around. "Besides, it's always better to let it out."

"It's just boy problems," you breathed out, eyes back on the orange tinted sky.

Peter felt a lump grow in his throat, heart sinking to his stomach at the thought of you thinking about another guy. He was quick to scold himself, telling his mind not to be selfish as he cleared his throat.

"Hit me."

"Well, there's this boy I like—" you stopped yourself, lips pursed as you started to fidget with your fingers, thinking face that Peter knows so well now in full play. "Actually no, I've been in love with him for as long as I can remember," you admitted.

The ache in Peter's heart grew sharper, painful and overwhelming that he felt his body run cold. His throat grew dry that he could do nothing but nod his head with a hum to tell you he's still following.

"He's amazing, greatest guy I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and he has never failed to show that he cares about me. He's always there for me, whenever he can anyway with his hectic life. And he makes me really happy." A love-struck smile grew on your lips, eyes glowing with adoration, face holding that look of love as you bask in the sunset. The golden glow made you look even more stunning, but Peter wasn't able to fully appreciate your beauty when his mind was too preoccupied with jealous thoughts. But a second later, the joy that's coated your features slowly faded off, now replaced by one with worry.

Peter tried his best to keep his tone steady. Despite having the voice modulator on, he knows it will pick up even the slightest shake and uncertainty. "But?"

"I truly can't figure out if he's acting the way he is because he feels the same way or all of it is just an act of friendship," you paused, taking in a deep breath as you shifted on your feet. "There are moments where I do think it's more but then there are moments where I see him with another girl and I start questioning it again. Like, am I reading things wrong? Am I getting too ahead of myself by thinking he could possibly feel the same way?" You pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration. "I don't even know how to convey my own feelings—"

"You could just tell him," Peter blurted to cut you off, not wanting to hear any more as the piercing pain in his chest could only deepen the more you talk about it. He's already got the drift anyway, no need for you to explain any further.

You turned to look at him fully with furrowed brows. "Just like that?"

Peter nodded. "You are an amazing girl Y/N," he said, nothing but utmost sincerity coating his voice. He just wants you to find someone who's going to make you happy and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It seems like you've found exactly that, who was he to take that away from you by being bitter? Besides, Peter has long accepted that that someone is never going to be him. "Whoever this guy you're in love with, he's pretty lucky. If he doesn't see that then it's his loss. And if he doesn't feel the same way, then he's not the right guy for you because you deserve someone who'll love you unconditionally."

"You giving out relationship advice now too? A sideline if you're not saving the world?" you joked, only earning a shrug and a soft laugh from him. "But thank you." You flashed him a small but grateful smile.

"Always happy to help," he said. "I better get going, got a city to look after." Peter forced a smile, a useless tactic given that there was no way for you to see it anyway. He stood up to his full height before adding, "Congrats on the debate." He didn't even wait for a response when he swiftly jumped and swung as far away from your building as possible.

The second he landed on top of an abandoned warehouse, Peter immediately pulled his mask off. He couldn’t bear to leave it on a second longer or else he was going to suffocate. Sharp breaths escaped him as his back hit the brick wall, eyes screwed shut to stop any tear from slipping out of his burning eyes. He tried his hardest to calm his frantic heart, to minimize the pain by shoving his selfish thoughts away. He forced himself to think about you and your well-being instead, tried to convince himself that this was a good thing.

He doesn't doubt that this guy you're smitten with is a great one. The way you speak about him just screams it. Add that to you being great at judging character, then he knows you're in good hands. Despite it hurting like a ton of punches in the chest, Peter still hoped that whoever this guy is, he'll catch you in his arms openly and shower you with the truest love because you deserve nothing but. The pain would be worth it if he gets to see you be happy.

Peter knows that whoever this guy is, he would treat you rightly, give you everything you want and need in a way that Peter never could.

Slowly opening his eyes, he lets out a calming breath, mind slowly slipping at ease the more he thinks about how happy, content and safe you'll be with this guy if ever it will work out.

It hurts, unbearably, but his sliver of pain in exchange for your utmost happiness? Then Peter will gladly endure it.

***

The next day, Saturday noon, was when you finally decided to answer Peter's texts from the day before. You apologized for ghosting him, said you got preoccupied and left it at that. And then you asked if he wanted to go for a little stroll in the park, too make it up to him. Peter could never say no to you so here you were, side by side under the afternoon sun, aimlessly walking around a nearly deserted park outskirts of the main city.

"Why'd you disappear yesterday?" he asked, both his hands in his pockets while yours were looped in his. "I saw you stop by at the library but you didn't come and say hi."

You shrugged, eyes trained on the pavement as you kicked at the few rocks that were lying around. "Something came up," you simply said.

Peter can't help but feel a little sting when you didn't elaborate further. Well, he already knew what had happened but that was as Spider-Man. He was hoping you'd tell him too, as Peter Parker, your long time best friend.

"Thank you for the email by the way," you spoke again when he stayed quiet, lifting your head up to spare him a bright smile. "We wouldn't have won the debate if it wasn't for you."

"Winning the debate was all on you and that incredible brain of yours. I'm not going to take credit for that," he chuckled as he shot you a knowing look. Eyes back in front, Peter added, "But I'm always here to help. That's what best friends are for."

You hummed, letting go of his arm as you skipped ahead and treaded towards the nearest tree. "What's up with you and Marjorie?" you asked, settling down on the grass, legs straight with your right ankle over you left as you leaned back against the trunk comfortably.

"What's up with what?" Peter followed you with a deep crease between his brows, sitting right beside you soon after, mirroring your position under the shade.

"You tell me, you were almost kissing when I saw you in the library so," you trailed off, picking at the shreds of greenery, throwing it purposelessly as you still avoided his gaze. "Are you two a thing now?"

Peter shook his head with a roll of his eyes. "First off, we were not almost kissing and second, no, we're not a thing," he clarified, head turned for him to see you clearly. "I didn't even get to hear what she wanted because I immediately left," he chuckled.

Your eyes snapped up to meet his. "You bailed on her in the library?"

"Sort of?" Peter scrunched his nose.

"That's a very bold move, Parker," you giggled, bumping your shoulder with his teasingly. "Most guys would've died to just be in the same room as her."

Peter let out a hearty laugh, shrugging his shoulders and said, "Well, I guess I'm not like most guys."

Marjorie was pretty, Peter won't deny that, but she could never amount to you. Even right now, when you're just sitting beside him in casual jeans and sweater, a simple but very charming smile on your lips as you looked up at the clouds, Peter was already swooning ten times over. Then comes the memory of you looking so breathtaking while he took you around the city. The stunning glow on your face as you stared at the scene in awe was still deeply engraved in Peter's mind, and he knows for a fact that that image will never leave him. Not that he was complaining anyway.

"So, how did your meeting with Spider-Man go?" he asked after a few moments of silence. A shy smile slowly grew on your lips, one that made Peter lift a brow at you in suspicion.

"He's really cool," you breathed out, your grin growing wider as you kept your gaze steadily trained at the blue sky. "He's a gentleman too, a little shy and awkward but in a cute way. Plus, very wise and smart, like lived-a-life wise and genius smart. He then took me to swing around the city which was awesome," you gushed, a dreamy glow coating your face as you met Peter's eyes. "That night is going to be a night I'll remember for the rest of my life for sure."

Peter couldn't help the smug grin that grew on his face. "If I hadn't known better I'd say you have a crush on Spider-Man," he teased, wriggling his brows at you.

"Shut up," you scoffed with a roll of your eyes.

"It's obvious. You have that dreamy look on your face when you talk about him," he poked even more, nudging you with his elbow playfully.

"No, I don't," you laughed as you pushed him away. "Besides, I've got my eyes on someone else already."

Peter's heart sunk.

He found himself playing with the sleeves of his hoodie as he avoided your gaze, trying his hardest to keep his feelings at bay before you'd notice the change in his demeanor. "Care to share with your best friend?" he offered, wondering if you're finally willing to tell him about this mystery guy.

You stayed quiet, eyes fluttering close as you rested your head on his shoulder. Peter kept his gaze steady on you, everything else silent aside from the sound of the rustling leaves of the tree. But then you let out a nervous breath, heartbeat picking up the pace in a way that made Peter grow curious as to what's on your mind.

"I love you," you blurted out of the blue, a slight shake in your voice as you kept your eyes shut.

Although confused, Peter responded, "I love you too—"

"No, Peter," you paused, shifting in your place, pulling away from him as you sat up straighter. You finally met his brown orbs, all while countless of emotions swam in yours. "I love you," you whispered but with your voice firm and laced with pure sincerity, eyes holding his with such intensity that he quickly understood.

Peter stared at you in shock.

Slowly, but surely, everything started to click inside his head. The confession you shared with Spider-Man. When you said you'd seen this guy with another girl...the library. Was that why you quickly ran out? When you saw...almost kissing. Was that the reason why your heart suddenly grew at panic?

The guy you were gushing about so fondly, the same one you said you were in love with for a long time now, the one Peter was growing jealous of...it was him.

You were talking about him, Peter Parker.

He grew at a loss for words as he gawked at you, a smile growing on his lips as he felt his heart stop its course and then beat again but with twice the pace. Peter was so happy, over the universe as pure warmth filled him up from head to toe. The mere thought that you felt the same, it was too good to be true. But it was, he can see it clear in your eyes, it was real.

You love him.

But then his mood was quick to shift, smile slipping off his face, the warmth and joy that coated his bones replaced by fear and worry in a snap of a finger.

Peter's heart stopped at the sight in front of him.

You were getting held at knifepoint by the throat, tears brimming in your eyes, more of it coating your cheeks as you clawed at the arm that trapped you in their vise hold.

"P-Peter, I love you," you whimpered, gaze locking with his, hope slipping out of your orbs, the glow they once held getting dimmer by the second in a way that made a shiver run down his spine. Then Peter heard it, that piercing cackle he knew too well, his brown eyes meeting the yellow ones that glowed right behind you.

"You won't be able to save the love of your life, Spider-Man...or should I say, Peter Parker!"

Peter shook his head frantically as he yelled out your name, running at full speed to get to you only to be met by sudden darkness, your heart wrenching scream ringing in his ears followed by an agonizing sound of a body hitting the floor. Peter's blood ran cold as he frantically called out your name, over and over and over yet nothing but eerie silence echoed back at him.

And then he looked down, eyes landing on his trembling hands, each finger, both palms coated with blood, your blood.

You were gone.

"No, no, no," Peter rushed, voice quivering, hastily getting up on his feet as he looked at you worryingly. "You can't, Y/N. You can't love me."

It's not safe for you to love me.

The look of pure pain that ghosted over you features squeezed at Peter's heart, the pit in his stomach ever growing the more he thought of what he was about to do.

You stood up shakily to be level with him, deep frown on your lips, confusion and hurt swimming in your eyes as you asked, "Why'd you seem disgusted? You could just say you don't feel the same way."

"N-No, it's not that, neither of that because—" he sucked in a sharp breath, a hand running through his hair as he stared into your eyes longingly. "I do feel the same way about you."

You screwed your eyes shut as you shook your head. "Please don't lie to make me feel better, Peter," you pleaded, the break in your voice a sharp stab at his chest.

"When have I ever lied to you?" Peter internally winced at his bold and very false claim. Nothing but guilt filled his stomach given that he lies to you almost every day. He lies to you about his whereabouts, lies to you about his reasons. Peter lies to you every goddamn day by not telling you he's Spider-Man.

"Then why are your actions speaking something else then?" You gestured towards him as a whole, at the obvious distance that he's put between you two. Your eyes were slowly glossing up as you tried to simply understand what was going on.

Peter sighed, "I just don't want to hurt you okay? I—I don't want you to lose faith on the things you love because of me."

I don't want you to lose your life because of me.

"You're not making any sense," you said frustratedly.

"I'm not qualified to be a good boyfriend, Y/N. I won't be there with you all the time. I'd probably cancel on you on so many dates," Peter paused, meeting your eyes so you could see where he was coming from. "Hell, how many times have I bailed on you right now as your best friend huh? The amount of times I've left you on the street to go home alone?"

Your frown deepened as you held his eyes with nothing but sadness. "You had things going on Peter. You're being really unfair on yourself," you said.

"But you still don't deserve to be treated like that. Not now, not ever, no matter the reason," he pushed. "You deserve all those romantic clichés you're always dreaming of, you deserve to be treated like the queen that you are. You deserve the whole world Y/N, but I won't be able to give you that." Peter's voice broke, eyes holding too many emotions as he kept his gaze steady with yours. A painful task with all the pain and betrayal that's coated your eyes, utmost hurt glaring right at him. "Being with me won't be a fairytale."

Peter wasn't ignorant to the fact that you were a hopeless romantic. The countless rom-coms you've watched together have long ago proved that. The specific look in your eyes, that certain glimmer that washes over your face whenever the couple would kiss under the snow or even in the rain, or whenever they'd go on romantic walks on the beach or simply be in each other's arm whenever it's needed, Peter has memorized it. The little changes in your face whenever you see those clichés, he knows it like the back of his hand, knows how you're craving that kind of simple but true love.

But Peter can't give you any of that. Not right now.

"But I don't want a fairytale. I want to be with you. I don't care if we don't get to do any romantic clichés, being with you would surpass all of that, being with you would be more than enough. And I'm willing to try and make it work with whatever you've got going on, even if I have to make sacrifices in the process. Why can't you see that Peter?" you argued, hands clenched into fists on your sides in mere frustration.

Peter winced, the word sacrifice too heavy for him to hear. It was too painful to even fathom what you would possibly sacrifice for him, that you would probably even sacrifice all of it for him, including your life.

"No, no, please don't," he begged. "I don't want you to sacrifice anything for me. I would never want you to sacrifice those little things that make you smile. I don't want you to sacrifice your happiness for me." Peter shook his head in utter distress, palm rubbing at his face harshly that had the tip of his nose turn red. "And what happens then if it doesn't work? You'll only get disappointed. You'll only end up hating me. By then, I would have already put you through so much hurt all for nothing. I don't want that for you, Y/N."

"How'd you know that when you haven't even tried?" you whispered, bottom lip trembling. "It's like you're not even willing to try," you whimpered.

The second Peter saw the single tear that ran down your cheek he instinctively moved closer, hands reaching out, desperate to hold you, to get to tell you it's going to be alright, to apologize over and over for all the pain he has caused. But you stopped him with the palm of your hand. He felt his heart drop the moment you took a step back, shaking your head, bottom lip desperately caught between your teeth to silence your sobs.

Peter nodded gravely, his arms falling limp by his sides, fully understanding that you don't want him near. He doesn't blame you by one bit. "It's not that I'm not willing to, I just," he paused as he let out a shaky breath. "I don't trust myself to be with you. I don't trust myself with your heart because I know I will only end up breaking it. I'll only let you down." I don't trust myself to keep you safe from harm. I'll only fail you just like how I failed them. Peter confessed, brown orbs turning glossy, all from a mixture of pain and anger. He was so angry at himself for putting you through all this hurt, you don't deserve it, not even a single ounce of it.

Yes, he can try, see where this will go and do his best to be there for you at all times. But that's not set on stone, never a clear promise because he doesn't know what his tomorrow is going to bring. He doesn't know if he's staying in the neighborhood one minute and then entering another dimension the next. Being Spider-Man, he doesn't have a schedule where Peter can organize things as a matter of priority, being Spider-Man requires its own sets of sacrifices. Peter doesn't want you to feel the burden of those sacrifices, too.

He doesn't doubt that you would be understanding enough with whatever it is he has going on but that's exactly the problem. He knows you'll take the bare minimum, you'll put him first above your wants and needs. You're just too kind that way, too big of a heart. But Peter can't have that because it's just not right; it's not what you should settle for. You deserve all the dates, all the romantic walks, all the cuddles and kisses whenever you're down, all the stress free nights where you don't have to worry about him or wait for him to come back to you safe and unharmed, all the time and effort, you deserve all of it and more.

And right now, Peter can't give you what you deserve.

"Or maybe you just don't love me in the way you say you do," you accused, voice soft but the sting in it sharp.

"That's not fucking true because I love you with every ounce of my being," he protested in low growl, desperately tugging at his hair, frustrated that he can't tell you his full reasons as to why exactly he can't be with you. "I love you too much and I want to be with you so badly—"

"Then why is that not enough?" you stressed.

"You don't understand—"

"Then make me understand!" you snapped, tears running freely down your face as you looked at him with utmost despair.

"It's not that fucking simple Y/N!" Peter saw you flinch at the sudden boom of his voice, his heart cracking at the sight. He felt everything in him gradually break the more you stared at him with nothing but anguish. He took in a deep breath to calm himself before he slips out any words that he'll only regret later on. Blowing out his cheeks, he croaked, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just—"

Peter tried again and walked closer to you, trembling hands slowly reaching in mere need to feel your skin on his to ground him back, relief washing over him when you let him. He felt his heart warm up a little when you didn't pull away from his touch. But the broken sob you let out when he cupped your face, it was too excruciating for him to hear. The agonizing grip on Peter's heart tightened as he stared right into your eyes, the same ones that once held so much joy but was now flooded with tears and grief, their gorgeous glow snuffed out, all because of him.

"I'm just trying to protect you, please, trust me on that," he whispered, not even trying to hide the brokenness in his voice anymore, not even trying to hold back his tears as Peter pressed his forehead against yours.

The little droplets fell down on your face, his tears joining yours on your already damp skin. His thumb oh so tenderly tried to wipe them all away, wishing that it was as easy as that to ease up your pain, to take away your hurt so simply, but he knows it wasn't. It wasn't an easy choice and Peter knows it never will be.

"I love you so much, don't you ever, ever doubt that. B-But we can't. I'm really sorry Y/N, but we can't be together. I-I know this hurts right now, trust me, I know, but I will only make it much worse," he choked, shaking his head when you leaned into his palm with a broken breath. But you kept your eyes open, held his gaze with utter strength and Peter saw it, saw how you still looked at him with love in your eyes. Despite it being mixed with pain, it was there, clear and honest. God he did not fucking deserve you at all.

"You deserve someone who'd treat you the way you deserve to be treated, someone who'd truly show you how it feels to be loved completely and not just the bare minimum. You deserve someone who'd be so much better than me." Peter's voice broke at the end of his sentence, eyes still holding yours just so you could see the other things he can't put into words, the things he couldn't say aloud. He was desperately, silently pleading that you would see right through him, so you could understand why he has to do this. "Maybe in another life, we could make this work. But right now I'm asking, begging you not to love me, because I don't deserve that love, I don't deserve you at all."

Peter practically saw your heart shatter into pieces even more with the simple look in your eyes. It's an absolute torture to look into them right now, to see you be so broken that he found himself wishing that it was only him in pain instead. Even though the thought hurts, he wished you didn't love him. Even though it would be painful to endure, to live in a world where his feelings aren't reciprocated, Peter wished you didn't love him at all if it meant it was going to save you from heartbreak.

Better him in pain than you, always.

Breath unsteady, you closed your eyes with a small nod. "I guess this is it," you sniffled, placing your hands over his, your touch tender as you gave it a squeeze. But then you pulled it away from your face, Peter's hands slipping off your skin as you put some much needed distance between you two.

"Y/N—"

"I don't think we can go back to the way things were after this Peter. I'm sorry I just—I don't think I can handle it." You shook your head with a soft cry, forcing yourself to look back into those brown orbs as you whispered, "I can’t take it."

Peter pressed his lips into a thin line, eyes casted on the grass with a solemn nod as he croaked out, "Then I guess this is it."

"Goodbye, Peter."

He screwed his eyes shut at the sound of your broken voice, the heartbreaking sob that followed soon after made him let out a shaky breath. The sound of your footsteps felt like gunshots, each step taken like a bullet wounding him deep but Peter didn't dare to respond, didn't even dare to look up as you briskly walked away.

Peter had to keep his head down because he didn't have enough strength, didn't have the sense of control to stay still in his place. He knows that if he does as much as look up and catch your figure, he'll run after you, full speed. He'll pull you back into his arms; he'll pour all his love into one kiss as he holds you tightly. He'll keep you in his embrace for eternity the moment he gives in into his selfish needs. But he shouldn't. He needs to let you go, he has to let you walk away, for your sake.

The farther the sound of your footsteps got, the tighter his fists grew, fingernails digging into his palms as his breathing became labored, harsh. Peter swiftly turned around and took a hard swing at the tree once you were gone, glad that no one was around to see the whole thing shake from his strength. The bark cracked under his knuckle, leaves falling around him just as his knees gave out. A sharp, broken, frustrated scream escaped his lips as he buried his face in his hands, body shaking with all the anger and pain, trembling from his heart wrenching sobs.

Peter felt like his lungs were about to give out, emotions overflowing and scorching all while feeling numb just the same. But he kept reminding himself why he's doing this for him to get by, kept telling himself that being far apart was for the best.

For your sake.

***

The wind was cold on your face as you stood out on the rooftop to escape. The night breeze was slowly drying up your tears, much to no use since it's replaced by fresh ones the second after anyway. You don't know how long you've been crying for, but it wouldn't really matter. Your tears could run out but the pain in your heart could only deepen with each ticking second.

You were worried, angry, hurt, frustrated and confused all the same, unable to tie everything together as it all just seemed like a whole jumbled mess in your head, an incomplete puzzle.

You're not naïve to think that there wasn't more to this than he's letting on. You know he was hiding bits and pieces, his words completely restrained. You saw it in his eyes how he was battling his mind. You saw how he was struggling to not slip out whatever it was he was holding back. It was painful, all of it, from seeing him so distressed to him breaking your heart with his care-filled yet hurtful words.

You get where he's coming from, about wanting you to experience it all and more and not just the bare minimum. If it was a different circumstance, the things he said would've been sweet, how he wants you to have the world, how he wants you to live all those clichés just so he could see you smile, see you be happy. But right now, his words just felt bittersweet since you lost him in the process.

All those days of imagining all the different scenarios on what it would look like, how it would feel when he admits he feels the same way, not once did you ever expect that Peter Parker saying he loves you would feel like a knife to the heart.

What hurts even more is the fact that he is so keen on shutting any chance, and sliver of hope down. He won't even try, like you're not worth any risks at all. It makes you question how important you actually are to him, makes you question if he really does love you in the way he claims he does.

"Ahem."

"Shit!" you squeaked, head snapping towards the squatted figure, eyes landing on the familiar masked man who seemed to like the element of surprise. "You need to stop doing that!"

"Sorry, should've given you a heads up," he apologized, voice sounding a little hoarse, a little...different.

"No shit," you grumbled, hastily wiping away your tears with the sleeves of your sweater before you turned back to face him. "What's brought you here?"

"Was just in the neighborhood, saw you out here and I thought I'd swing by," he said with a casual shrug, gaze steady on the building across. You did just the same as you turned back in front, fingers drumming on the concrete ledge as you stood in silence for a couple minutes, his company soothing in some odd way. But you welcome it, makes you feel more present, stopping you from slipping neck deep into the chaos that's in your head.

"You okay? You seem a bit down," he said, voice still a little gruff, eyes everywhere else but at you.

"Well, I guess you can say that," you breathed out.

"Want to talk about it?"

You bit your bottom lip when it started to tremble, a fresh batch of tears brimming in your eyes. "I told him," you whispered. "You know that friend I talked to you about? I told him I'm in love with him and he wasn't too happy with it. He pushed me away, I—" You shook your head with a shaky breath, eyes now trained on the busy street below. You swallowed the lump in your throat before adding, "He said he loved me but he pushed me away."

The superhero beside you cleared out his throat, shifting in his place until he was fully seated down, his legs hanging off the side of the building. "Did he tell you why?"

"He said he wouldn't be a good boyfriend and that he won't be there for me when I need him. He said I deserved better, which doesn't make any sense because he's already been doing that, being there for me. And I have no doubt he'd treat me rightly but he doesn't seem to believe that himself," you whimpered, harshly wiping away the tears that rushed out your eyes, not wanting to seem pathetic for a boy, not to seem weak in front of the masked hero.

"Hey, you don't have to act all tough for me," he reassured, hand coming up to give your shoulder a comforting squeeze for a short but sweet moment. "It's okay to cry, it doesn't mean you're weak."

You nodded, grateful for his understanding, flashing him a sad smile for a second before you stared back at the city. "And I get he's got a lot going on, I do too but what's painful is that he's not even willing to try and see if it would work or not. It hurts to think that I'm willing to try and make ends meet, that I would do anything to be with him, but he won't do the same for me. It makes me feel like I'm not worth fighting for, that I'm not enough."

"That's not true, Y/N," he whispered, almost as if didn't want you to hear it, your brows furrowing a little as you spared him a glance. He was already looking at you but the second your eyes landed on his face, he swiftly looked away. "What else did he say?" he asked swiftly, voice louder with a clear of his throat.

"He said he can't be with me because he didn't want to hurt me which sounds so fucking stupid since he's hurting me now. Really badly," you whimpered, bottom lip quivering as you screwed your eyes shut, taking in deep calming breaths, steadying yourself before you opened them again.

"Maybe he is just trying to look out for you," he started, head tilted to the side as he looked at you with a shaky breath. "Sometimes the best way to protect someone is to keep them at a safe distance, to not get too close to them, both physically but mostly emotionally."

You frowned, gaze landing back on the white fabric that's covered his eyes. "You do that too? Push people away?"

"I don't want to but I have to," he sighed, looking down at his hands like they were too heavy, like they hold so much weight over his life, caused him so much trouble and pain. He stared at them for a few seconds more before his fingers started to pick at his web shooters. "It's the best way to keep the people I care about safe."

"Because of all the bad guys chasing after you?"

He let out a soft chuckle as he nodded. "Yeah, you could say that."

You turned to face him fully, deep frown still etched on your lips as you crossed your arms over your chest. "Does that not get lonely?"

"It does." He nodded dejectedly, his eyes still looking elsewhere. "But it's better than seeing the ones I love get hurt because of the sole reason that they love me and that I love them just as much, if not more. Once they find out who I am, they're going to use that against me. They will always use that against me." The pain and hurt that coated his voice in his last sentence, you heard it loud and clear, makes you wonder what hardships he could've gone through to feel this way. "I think it's best to keep them away from this side of my world. I admit, it's really hard for me to stay away but I just keep reminding myself that all I'm doing is trying to keep them safe as much as I can," he paused, turning his head to finally look at you and you felt your heart stop at his next set of words.

"I'm just trying to protect them."

You felt as though that the clouds cleared up above your head, the puzzle pieces falling into place, completing itself as you slowly and finally tied everything together.

All those times he's suddenly in a rush to leave with a half-assed reason, the times where you'd catch a glimpse of the random cuts and bruises he had on his body, it all became so clear. And the night you first met Spider-Man, that odd feeling you had when he squeezed your hand the first time, it finally made sense. That same night, you felt as though you were crazy when you found yourself gravitating towards a complete stranger, a masked superhero at that. You found it ridiculous how you felt like you could trust him right off the bat. When you felt a vast feeling of being safe around him in so little time, initially you told yourself that it wasn't a good thing, that it was dangerous and you should tread carefully, but now the feeling just felt awfully familiar.

That's when you fully understood everything. The knots in your head gradually untangled itself as you gawked at him, mouth slightly agape in pure shock, tears welling up in your eyes for a different reason this time. All the things he's been through, all the pain and grief from the people he's lost, the weight that the world has put on his shoulders, it made your heartbreak. It made you feel so guilty that you weren't there for him through all that.

A new found weight settled itself in your chest because as you stared right at the mask, you saw him.

"Well, I need to go. You know, got a city to look after," he chuckled shyly as he looked away, his voice sounding starkly different from the previous encounters as it now held a sense of familiarity. "See you later."

With that, he jumped off, your eyes following the red in blue under the night sky, gradually getting smaller until disappearing from sight.

You smiled, a small one, didn't quite reach your ears but it was genuine. Your heart was still aching, mostly for him than for you, but it was also now filled with the greatest pride as you whispered, just under your breath,

"See you later, Peter Parker."

-:-:-:-:-

like, reblog & leave a comment if you enjoyed! tell me your thoughts! <3

♛ Overall/Everything Taglist: @theunwantedomega @badreputatiom @fallinfortom @disneysamara @avengersficwriter @musicalkeys @apatheticanvas67482 @camimndess @tom-hlover @jjandreidsgirl @caramelscoffee @thenoddingbunny-blog @t-lostinworlds @sarcasticallywitty15 @call-me-baby-gir1 @miraclesoflove @tanakaslastbraincell @itstaskeen ♛ Peter P. Taglist: @averyfosterthoughts @darlingspidey @namoreno @keepingupwiththehollands @quaksonhehe @big-galaxy-chaos @clara-licht @dummiesshort @geminiparkers @parker-hollandx @rebekkah4766 @iwannabekilledtwice @prettyintopeerpressure @spideyspeaches @givebuckyhisplumsnow @asoftie4bucky @dandelionxgal @peterspideysstuff @zspideyy @sluttytears || @kelieah​

just let me know if you want to be removed from the taglist! <3

[vemuabhi]

Disney Romance - Cinderella’s Bird - 200 followers special

@littlesniggy​ said : Hey you! Now it's my turn to request something! Kida sad you don't write for Akainu but I can understand 😂 He's an asshole! If it hasn't been requested yet, would you do Mulan/Cinderella with Kid x female reader? I'm super excited which one you choose/ if you choose it at all! Thank you!

A/N : Omg thankyou so much for sending an ask @littlesniggy​ san!!! I am so excited to answer this for you! I loved writing for the grumpy boy. This was really a beautiful experience writing this for Eustass KIdd. Please don’t have high expectations for this.

Warning : A big fic written by me. But has a happy ending.

Word count : 2.7K

I hope you like it!

XOXOXOXO

“Why the hell should I get married now?”, you complained to your Robin who always was beside you, she was a maid but you always admired her and always treated her like a friend not like a maid.

Robin sighed and patted your head as she took the place beside you on the bed. “I should have the choice when I want to get married. Not some jerk who is randomly selected by my parents”, you scoffed and plopped back on the soft burgundy-coloured bedsheets. Robin gave you a sad smile and said, “That’s true. I too believe that marriage should be for Love”

Being a princess isn’t easy. Every girl dream to be a princess but its not as beautiful like the fairy tales are. You are a live example for that. Not once you could decide for yourself. Even the big puffy yellow gown you were wearing was not of your choice. The corset was killing you inside. You wanted to rip it off and throw it out of your window. With language classes, you always had dance classes, tea sessions, music classes. Everything that was chosen by your parents, was practically forced upon you.

‘What kind of lunatic needs to learn how to drink tea?’, you cursed the tea sessions when ever you were being called to it. All you did was brew tea and drink during the whole time. The music classes were always a hectic. You wanted to learn an instrument but when you were given another. Your wishes were denied because who cares about your dreams? In the beginning even dance classes were troublesome, But you tried to put up with all those demands of your parents. In return they are now trying to get you married as soon as possible.

“I’m done with this Robin”, you spoke and got up. “I’ll do whatever I want”, your voice was stern and Robin was curious on what you were about to do.

“Cancel todays classes, I’ll be going to visit the town to relieve my stress”, you announced briskly walking towards the closet.

“Are you sure your highness? But how can you go alone? You must have someone wit-”

“Robin! Its fine. I can take care of myself”, you didn’t let her finish her sentence. Throwing your corset on the floor and dressing up like a maid didn’t take long enough. You made your way towards the secret passage in the palace and exited the palace. Even though Robin was worried, she had to stay back in the castle to make sure no one notices your leaving.

The town and the market were as lively as ever and you walked around the place. As you kept walking, you saw a couple who looked very much in love. You felt a bit envious of them. At least the commoners had the freedom to do what they like. As you were walking aimlessly in the market, you bumped into a tall buff guy.

“Oh I’m sorry”, after apologising you thought of leaving but it didn’t go well.

“Hey! How can you go away like that?” the man started to fight with you. As you felt the very heavy scent of alcohol hit your nostrils, you knew that this man was heavily drunk.

“What? I apologised so what’s your problem now?” you questioned as your dominant hand slowly reached for the sword hidden in your skirt.

“You bitch how dare you speak back to me?” he raised his hand to land a hit on you but just when you were about to take out the sword, his had was stopped mid-air. You then saw a man who had red hair. As soon as the jerk saw that man, it seemed like his senses came back to him again.

“Asshole! Didn’t I tell you this is my shop and never make a scene in front of it”, the man shouted at the rogue twisting his arm. He winced in pain as he apologised and ran away.

The red haired man went into a shop, what seemed like a shop of vegetables and fruits. ‘Was he a farmer?’, you thought and followed him. Looking inside, there were so many fresh vegetables and also fruits in the shop.

“What do you want?”, a sharp voice questioned making you turn towards the owner of the voice. It was the same red head from before.

“Uh, I… I’m here to buy”, you said and looked around again trying to seem convincing. He huffed and sat on a chair fiddling with something which seemed like a machine. Your interest perked up and you asked him, “What are you making?”, moving closer to take a peek at the machine.

“Why should I tell you?”, he spat but as he looked at your face, he noticed that your eyes were sparkling with curiosity and interest.

“Tsk”, he clicked his tongue and explained about the way he wanted to make a machine bird as you listened to him carefully. He kept telling you how helpful machines would be if used in the correct way.

“But, don’t you think, this material you are using to make this bird is kinda… cheap and looks like its gonna break soon?”, you questioned for which he frowned and replied, “Don’t you think I already know that? I… I just don’t have the money”, mumbling the last part.

“Oh! I got an idea. Listen to me, uhh..”

“Eustass Kidd”

“So, Kidd As this bird is still in the beginning process, I’ll bring you the material tomorrow. Till then don’t touch this. Okay now I need to leave. I’ll be taking this basket here”, you said and took a basket of strawberries and tossed a coin to him.

“HEY WAIT!! YOU DIDN’T EVE- and she’s gone”, still with that grumpy look Kidd took his screw driver to continue working on the bird. But he remembered you telling him to wait till tomorrow. So he sat back in his chair and exhaled.

“Its not because she told me to wait. I… I want to continue this tomorrow”, he huffed and folded his hands. Then he remembered about the coin you threw.

He opened his palm and his eyes widened as he looked at the coin. It was a gold coin. A freaking gold coin for a basket of strawberries.

“No way. What the heck is she thinking?”, he carefully placed it back in the locker and thought to give it back to you tomorrow.

At the castle you came back and continued with your remaining day. You should leave tomorrow. So you need to make plans.

“Robin I need you to do something for me”, you explained how you needed high quality metal and also the timings of classes to be shifted. So, it did happen and you had continuous morning classes without breaks but, you were a free after them and it made you to take material Kidd wanted to make the bird. Changing out from your attire of a princess you went to the same shop as yesterday. There you found the man coming towards you as if he was waiting for you all along.

“I got the material you need”, you said as you placed it beside his table where the bird was supposed to be made.

“Were you waiting for me? Sorry I was late”, you said and he instantly replied, “Wha- Who was waiting for you?”

“Ah ok”, you muttered as you saw him instantly looking and taking the material with a faint pink shade on his cheeks. He looked just like a child exited to play with his toys.

“Where the hell did you even get these? These are clearly expensive?”, his sudden questions made your thoughts to break.

“Ah… I got it from the Kings dumpster”, you made the blankest expression trying to hide your lie.

“Kings Dumpster?! The King threw away this metal when it’s like this?”, he asked as his brows raised when you just nodded.

“Tsk… and here I am, trying to get re-rid of rust from metal. Using them for the 100th time”, he huffed.

You both sat opposite to each other and he worked on the bird as you learned about the work he was doing. Helping him with giving the appropriate tool at times, you had more fun than you ever had in your life. He tried to return the gold coin but you didn’t take it and made a deal to take vegetables or fruits in return, for which he agreed. You both fist bumped as an agreement of the deal.

From that day, you made your way out of the castle to meet Kidd. Surprisingly, he always waited for you to come to work on the bird. Meanwhile he somewhere started to call you little lady and you actually liked it. It became a routine for you to take a basket of veggies or fruits every time you left the shop. Sometimes he’d you’d tag along with him to his small farm. He was totally proud of his farm. His eyes showed it. Where you knew you never felt that feeling that he was feeling. Never once in your life you felt you were proud of something you did. He was living a complete different life than yours. You found your heart skip a beat every time Kidd smiled. You liked him.

Kidd was unique. He was terrible in showing his emotions but he was a good person. Every time you left the castle for him, seemed right. You actually felt happy seeing him and working with him. But of course, this happiness didn’t last long. Your parents wanted you to get married soon and told you to pick a groom for yourself in the ball that is going to be hosted next week. Bloody next week.

Because of the ball, you had to take even more classes for walking like a princess and also more fashionistas coming to find the perfect gown for you. Due to those, you couldn’t meet Kidd for 4 days.

Meanwhile, Kidd waited for you staring at the front door of his shop. Whenever the door opened, he met with disappointment because it wasn’t you. He couldn’t even continue on his bird. He had doubts on his feelings for you but now, it was clear for him that he liked you. Your thoughts haunted him. His heart earned for you. Only for you to return.

After a long hard day of work, you sneaked out of the castle in the evening and went to Kidd’s shop. You opened the door and your eyes met with Kidds. You both stared at eachother for a few seconds before he spoke.

“Come in”, you obliged and walked into the shop towards the desk where you both made bird. It was just like it was 3 days ago. “You didn’t continue to make the bird?”, you inquired as he just turned away and shook his head as he scratched the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact.

“Kidd, its late and I have to leave soon so listen to me”, his vision shifted to you as he gulped.

“But you just came, why do you have to leave?” he asked as he approached you and placed his hands on your shoulder.

“Aww did you miss me?” you tried to tease him but this time, he neither denied nor looked away from you blushing. He stayed silent for a while before he said, “I did”

You didn’t even expect that from Kidd. His hands travelled down from your shoulders to your hands. “I did miss you. So much that I couldn’t even touch that bird”, He looked serious. He placed one hand on your chin and looked into your eyes.

“I didn’t… I didn’t think your thoughts would haunt me that much when you didn’t come. I… I didn’t know when, why or how. But I know that, I have feelings for you little lady”, his voice trembled as he spoke the last bit.

“Kidd are you serious?” you asked placing a hand on his cheek. He leaned into your touch and nodded. His eyes looked desperate for your answer. Pulling him towards you, you connected your lips with his. The kiss was gentle and with so much of emotion.

Both pulled away to look into each other’s eyes. “I have feelings for you too Kidd”, you smiled and Kidd’s face lit up making you smile in return. He leaned and touched your forehead with yours and exhaled with relief. “Can I request you something Kidd?”, you asked and he nodded.

“Can you come to the castle this coming Wednesday?”

“To the castle? Why?”

“There is a ball going to be held and I want you to come”, you said and stepped back, away from his touch. “Now it’s my turn to wait for you, I should tell you something. So please come”, the last part sounded more like a pleading and with that you left the shop.

Kidd didn’t knew why you had to leave so early. His heart was beating so fast. Confused whether whatever happened now was real or not. He sat on his chair unable to remove your pleading face from earlier. Kidd looked at the bird which was unfinished and took the screw driver to continue working on it. Its been a while since he alone worked on something. It wasn’t a new feeling for him but still, he preferred to talk and have you around while he made it.

The day of the ball arrived. You wore your outfit and looked out the window at the crowd of people came to the castle. Men and women from so many places arrived there. With the help of Robin you made sure that when Kidd comes, he wouldn’t be stopped by any of the guards. The time was almost running out. The first dance was supposed to be started soon but you couldn’t find Kidd anywhere.

Your parents were urging you to find a partner and start the first dance. ‘So Kidd isn’t coming’, you thought and tilted your head up to prevent the tears falling out from your eyes. You pinched your skin trying to distract the pain away. Stepping on the ball room in your burgundy coloured dress, you walked with a straight face. Then suddenly your eyes fell on a person, who was trying to not be visible in the crowd but, his hair was definitely saying otherwise. You swiftly made your way towards that person.

People cleared way for you and it didn’t take long for you to meet the person with the red hair. He was wearing golden coloured suit and his hair was combed back neatly. He looked different but it was him. His cheeks turned the same colour of his hair. You chuckled and took his hand, pulling him towards the middle of the ball room. You placed your hands on his shoulder and pulled him closer to you. His hand trembled before he placed it on your waist. With that the music played and you both danced, with other people also dancing.

“Why didn’t you come to me?”

“How could I? You are a princess and why didn’t you tell me you were a princess?”

“Would you even talk to me like you did if you knew I were a princess?”

“That’s… true but… now here I am, with the princess Y/N in my arms”, he said pulling you closer. You giggled and pushed back the strand of hair which was on his forehead. You both smiled at each other and continued dancing. After the first dance, he pulled you away from the ball room and you followed. He walked towards the garden where no one was and took out something from under the bench.

“What did you bring?”, you asked. He turned and showed it to you. Your eyes went wide looking at the bird that he brought.

“You made her at last!” you exclaimed as he looked down shyly. “Yeah kind of made it. I wanted to show it to you today”

“I love it so much”, you said as you took it in your hands. It was your memory. The time you spent making it with Kidd. It was precious to you two.

“Keep it. It’s yours now”, he said as he smiled.

“Really?! I will take care of it so well”, you replied and jumped on him making him catch you quickly. You looked at him and leaned in for kissing him again. Now, it was passionate. No one to intrude as you were alone. Smiling you pulled back and leaned your forehead with his.

You now found a grumpy man, who would understand you and would really be the reason for you to smile.

Made with picrew

XOXOXOXO

I hope you liked it. Thankyou for reading.

A comment, Like/Vote, Reblog/Share would be appreciated!!

Follow for more

[writinglizards]

Covet my Heart

Summary: Jaskier keeps sleeping with the wrong people. It puts them in some...interesting situations.

Read on Ao3

"The fuck did you do this time?" Geralt growls, irritated, when Jaskier comes skittering around the corner, eyes wide with barely concealed panic. They're in the middle of the open market in a little town outside Lyria and Jaskier's got a pair of angry brothers hot on his heels.

"Nothing she didn't ask for, fuck--" Jaskier ducks his head as the shouting gets closer. There's no good spot to hide and Geralt's not moving.

"Fuck," Geralt sighs, a weary sound.

"Geralt," Jaskier hisses, goes to duck around him (if Geralt won't hide him, Jaskier will just...hide himself. Fuck), but Geralt catches him with an arm around his waist after only the barest hesitation.

"There's no good spot to hide out here," he says, reinforcing the observation Jaskier's already made, voice more patient that Jaskier's sure he feels.

"Yes, but I can't just--" there's a crash not too far back; his pursuers are at the end of the row.

"Just--" Geralt sighs again, "follow my lead," and he tucks Jaskier just a little closer to his side, arm around his waist tightening. Jaskier instinctively hides his face against Geralt's chest, tries to shrink into his shadow. Geralt turns them, as a unit, and walks them up to a nearby stall. They stand as if they're perusing the offerings--jewelry, not to Geralt's taste at all, but certainly to Jaskier's. He fidgets, tries to make it look like he’s just casually browsing with the bulk of a witcher wrapped around him which is just...it’s fine. It’s all fine.

"Can I help you, boys?" the stall salesman asks, hands resting calmly on the counter. Jaskier jolts, Geralt squeezes his waist gently, reassuring.

"Which one were you looking at?" Geralt asks, voice gone soft and gentle like it does when he's speaking to Roach. The brothers are thudding up the aisle, still angry, somewhere behind them.

"Um, the--that one. The ring," he studders out, pointing to one of the rings, the first thing to catch his eye. It's beautiful and slender, likely meant for a woman's hand. The man smiles, takes it gently between thumb and forefinger.

"A good choice," he nods, holding the ring out, "And it looks like it might fit," he says, indicating Jaskier's hands, "would you like to try it on?" Jaskier's...not entirely sure what's going on right now. His nerves are in his throat, the men who'd been pursuing him are nearly on top of them, and Geralt has him trying on a ring? He cuts his gaze back to Geralt, who merely nods. Jaskier reaches out--

--and they're thrust against the counter, hard. Anger mars the salesman's face, and Geralt whirls them, a snarl on his lips, arm still tight around Jaskier's waist. Behind them is the brothers.

"There you are you fuckin fop," the one snarls, reaching as if to yank him away from Geralt, "knew we'd catch you eventually. Run to hide with your witcher?"

"Don't touch him," Geralt warns, voice low and dangerous, shifts to put himself more between Jaskier and the men. The other brother fidgets, the only sign of nerves between them.

"He fucked our sis," the younger explains, tone somewhere between anger and supplication, "we just wanna teach him a little lesson about keepin his prick to hisself."

Geralt growls. "The bard is mine. You're mistaken." And oh, what that tone, those words, does to him. Arousal, white-hot and nearly painful shoots straight through Jaskier, settles heavily in his gut.

"Bullshit," the older spits, not buying it in the least, gaze jumping from Jaskier to Geralt and back again. "Prove it."

Jaskier has just enough time to wonder how the fuck these men think Geralt's going to prove Jaskier’s his bard and hasn’t been fucking around with their sister before Geralt's tipping his chin up and pressing a claiming kiss to his mouth. It's sudden, possessive, and Jaskier's frozen with some mix of terror and surprise. Oh. That’s how. Geralt nips his lower lip, gently, and Jaskier melts, kissing back like a drowning man seeking air. His hands slip upwards into Geralt's hair and Geralt settles two large palms around his waist, squeezing with almost too much pressure (it's glorious).

Geralt moves to pull back after a few, long moments, but Jaskier leans forward, chases his lips without thinking. Geralt grunts, indulges him another moment or two, before finally pulling away, one hand on Jaskier's cheek to keep him from chasing the kiss again.

"Mine," Geralt rumbles, sending shivers through Jaskier's core. He can't seem to pull his gaze away from those gold eyes, pupils blown just a little too wide.

It’s silent a beat too long. Geralt breaks Jaskier’s gaze to glower over his shoulder at the men. "Uh--S-sorry master witcher, sir, we'll just--" the younger brother fumbles, yanking on the elder and nearly dragging him away. The elder doesn’t look strictly convinced still, but it doesn’t matter. They’ve obviously re-thought their plan. With the immediate threat gone, Jaskier expects Geralt to drop his hold on him, step away. Instead, he turns him gently back to the jewelry stall with a hand on the small of his back. The salesman is still there and still holding the ring, frowning at the retreating men.

"Sorry 'bout that. We've got some rough ones here. Now, did you want to try the ring on?"

There's no need, they've thrown Jaskier's pursuers off his trail but--

"Try it on, Jask," Geralt murmurs. It sends another wave of heat through him, but he does as he's told, takes the ring from the salesmen with only slightly shaky fingers, slips it on to his right ring finger. It's beautiful--slim and flattering, the gem a pretty amber color the same as Geralt's eyes. It makes his heart skip. "You like it?"

"Yeah," he breathes, flexing his fingers to feel the way it shifts on his hand, "it's gorgeous work."

"How much?" Geralt asks. Jaskier's eyes snap up to his face.

"Three hundred crown," the salesman says. Jaskier proffers the ring back to the man, shaking his head, even as he smiles.

“It’s exquisite,” he tells him, and he can’t help the little bubble of longing in his chest as he stares at it, “but alas I’m not in the market for quite such a fine piece of jewelry at the moment. Geralt?” He cuts a look back over his shoulder at Geralt, whose gone very, very quiet. He doesn't know what to think about the thoughtful look on Geralt's face.

Geralt just hums, and loops his arm around Jaskier's waist again. It lights something warm in Jaskier’s chest, even as they leave the little ring behind. He doesn’t need another ring, even if it had reminded him of Geralt’s eyes. They meander their way back towards the inn and their room, Jaskier still wrapped in Geralt’s hold. When Geralt pulls away behind closed doors, it’s like a cloud passing in front of the sun--Jaskier’s world gets a little colder, a little duller. But he’s safe, after all and they'll be leaving tomorrow morning. Jaskier plans to hide out in their room until then, won't even play tonight. He’s not sure he could keep the swelling feeling in his chest under control while he played anyway.

The next evening, after they've left the town behind, Jaskier finds the ring tucked into the front pocket of his pack where he keeps his extra lute strings. His chest siezes. Geralt went back for it. He slips it on, twists it a little around his finger.

When Geralt sees it later around their little fire, he smiles, a little thing, barely more than a quirk at the corner of his mouth. It sends Jaskier's stomach into a riot of butterflies, reignites that swelling feeling in his chest. He doesn't even know what to do with that, only knows that it leaves him feeling a little too warm, a little too shivery.

He wants Geralt to smile like that again.

-------------------------------

Jaskier promises himself he's not going to put them in a similar situation again. He's going to keep it in his pants (or at least be more discreet about it). Besides, he’s not sure he could survive being saved by Geralt like that again. His heart couldn’t take it.

His resolution lasts only as long as it takes to get to the next major town.

"Geralt, Geralt, wait--"

"Jaskier, shut up," Geralt shoves him into the tiny alcove of the baron’s manor, presses him face-first against the wall before pressing in over Jaskier's back, close enough to engulf his form, protect him from the gaze of the pursuing guards. "Did you have to fuck the baron's daughter?" He huffs; they've only been here a day. It's a rhetorical question, but Jaskier answers anyway, head turned back at an awkward angle as he tries to keep his cheek from pressing against the wall.

"Excuse you, Geralt. It is very closed minded of you to assume--"

"The baron's son, then," he sighs, put-upon, "not that it matters when you're about to be jailed or run out of town."

"It very much does matter--" he starts, only to hush immediately when Geralt gives a warning squeeze to the hip in his grip. His other arm slips around Jaskier's front, presses to his chest to hold him still. Under Geralt's fingers, Jaskier's heart jackrabbits.

"Shh, they're just down the hall." Geralt's voice is remarkably even as his breath ghosts over Jaskier's ear. He presses in closer, forces him to shuffle a little father forward, closer to the wall. He's practically glued to Jaskier's back, hugging every contour. It's...rapidly becoming a problem.

"Geralt," he whispers, soft but urgent. He doesn't get any farther, though. Geralt shifts his hand up from where it presses against Jaskier's chest to cover his mouth, firm but not painful.

"They're coming this way, just--follow my lead," he murmurs, voice so low it sends a shiver down Jaskier's spine, sends Jaskier’s heart pounding that much faster. He’s sure Geralt can feel what his words do to him, with the way he's pressed against him. He can’t help but picture the last time Geralt asked Jaskier to follow his lead.

Geralt hesitates before he leans farther into him, removes his hand from Jaskier's mouth to catch a hand, places it gently on the wall beside Jaskier's face. The little amber ring glints at him, sends a shiver of pleasure through his core. He jolts a moment later as he realizes what Geralt intends to imply, his other hand moving to mirror its twin on the other side of his face, cheeks hot.

When Geralt's satisfied with that, he drops his hand to wrap his arms around Jaskier's torso, presses his face into Jaskier's neck and just...breathes, warm puffs of air ghosting over the delicate skin of his throat. Another shiver wracks his body. He's sure he reeks of arousal by now, but Geralt just hums, presses impossibly closer. He's got to know how Jaskier feels by now. He's been shit at hiding it, especially lately.

Jaskier's wetting his lips in preparation to say...something, maybe make an off-color joke about all this...when he hears a shout, the clatter of boots on stone. It's apparently what Geralt's been waiting for.

He growls, hips snapping forward to grind against Jaskier's ass. His teeth press against the nap of Jaskier's neck in a snarl as his arms change their grip from tender to punishing. Heat zings through him, from the roots of his hair to the tips of his toes, so sudden he's nearly dizzy. He whines and Geralt grunts in response, rewards him with another thrust that's too brief for Jaskier to tell if this is all an act or whether Geralt is as...affected...as he is. He thinks he feels the blunt, hot pressure of Geralt's cock against his ass, but he's so lust addled he could be mistaken, thinks he must be--Geralt doesn't feel that way about him.

The boots close in, clatter to a stop. "Oh, shit, uh--"

"Get out," Geralt growls, voice low and dangerous even though he doesn't pull away from Jaskier, keeps him hidden with his bulk. Jaskier moans, soft and breathy, at his tone.

"Um, sorry, but we're, uh, looking for--" One of the guards starts, nervous but undeterred.

"I said, get out," Geralt thunders. Panic swoops through Jaskier's stomach, mixing uncomfortably with the arousal that refuses to abate even when Geralt pulls away to level the guards with a look.

"Oh, sorry Master Witcher, we'll just--" there's a frantic quality to their footsteps as the group hustles past and continues down the corridor past their little alcove. Jaskier barely bites down on a nervous giggle, sinks his teeth into his lower lip to keep himself in check.

Geralt molds himself across the expanse of Jaskier's back again, hips canted politely away from Jaskier's ass as the footsteps grow quieter before fading out altogether. Jaskier knows they're in the clear when Geralt groans, something distinctly exasperated, and sags his weight on top of Jaskier in clear retaliation. Jaskier barely locks his knees in time to keep them both upright.

"Fuck," Geralt mumbles, face still pressed into Jaskier's throat. He may no longer be able to feel Geralt pressed firm against his ass, but the nearness still sends another shiver through him, raises goosebumps on his arms despite the relative warmth of the keep.

"Did you have to go completely boneless, you great brute?" Jaskier hisses, mustering up some irritation about the surprising weight. Geralt weighs a gods damned ton and he's got to focus on something other than the curling heat of arousal still simmering in his gut or he's going to embarrass himself.

Something about his tone must hit home--Geralt jerks back, seems to give himself a mental shake. "Sorry," he says, tone flat. He pulls back, allows Jaskier to straighten himself out with shakey hands. Geralt looks remarkably unruffled--Jaskier must have only imagined the hard, hot pressure against his ass (wishful thinking, as always).

They bundle out of the baron's place in a hurry. Jaskier desperately wants to ask about what the fuck that was, but he's leery he's already built it up into something it wasn't. They don't talk about it, no matter how badly Jaskier wants to bring it up--he has no idea how to.

-------------------------------

After that, Jaskier swears to himself he's not going to let it happen again. It doesn't matter he's already made that promise to himself, he means it this time. So of course, it happens again.

He throws open the door to their room at the inn, still half-listening to the sounds of commotion in the bar below--he didn't even get the chance to do anything this time. Yes, okay, he'd been flirting with the young man at the corner table, but he hadn't realized he was the alderman's son and he'd layed off when he had. Apparently, his luck is just that bad.

"What is it now?" Geralt can guess, if his tone is anything to go by.

"I didn't even do anything this time, Geralt," he groans. He's aware he's whining, but gods above, this is rediculious.

He sighs, sets the sword he'd been sharpening off to the side along with the whetstone. He rises, crosses the room to stand at Jaskier's elbow. His face has the far away, vaguely pinched look he gets when he's listening.

"Well, they're certainly looking for you," he says after a moment. Jaskier groans again.

"Just my luck. What--"

"Shh." Geralt's still listening intently, "they're coming up the stairs."

"Fuck," Jaskier swears, spinning on the spot to survey the tiny room. There's nowhere good to hide, really--under the bed isn't shadowed enough, the armoire isn't big enough. He's just figuring standing behind a curtain and praying to Melitele is his best bet when Geralt catches him around the waist, tugs him to follow. He follows, if only because he trusts Geralt implicitly--he'll protect Jaskier, always (even when it's his own fault, even when Jaskier's a greater risk than an asset).

The look on Geralt's face is calculating. "Get on the bed."

"What?" Jaskier can feel the flush creeping up his throat, tries to tamp down the swell of embarrassed arousal at the request (he's an adult, damn it, and Geralt doesn't mean it that way, he's sure).

Geralt opens his mouth to answer before his attention snaps back to listening. His expression is still vaguely pinched, a little leery. "Just...trust me, Jaskier." And damn it, he does.

He scrambles up onto the bed, turning to face Geralt just in time to be face to face when Geralt clambers over him--his legs spread instinctively and Geralt settles between them, too close for comfort. Awkwardly, he leans forward, nearly aligning them from shoulder to thigh. Jaskier's dick twitches valiantly. He wills himself not to react.

"They think you plan to head back down and woo him anyway," Geralt breathes, voice soft with how close they are, "they're in the hallway listening. If they think you've taken another--" he trails off, eyebrow raised. Ah. Fuck.

"So we're just going to--" Jaskier cuts off, shifts restlessly beneath him, eyes averted. He catches Geralt's lips twitch, a subtle thing but practically a grin on his witcher, "you're enjoying this," he accuses.

"Mm," Geralt hums, tips his head forward to press his face to the curve of Jaskier's throat, inhales blatantly. He makes a pleased rumble and Jaskier can feel his face heat, focuses on keeping his head clear, "So are you."

He gasps, a quiet thing as Geralt presses his lips to the smooth expanse of Jaskier's throat, mouths pointedly at his pulse point as if to emphasize how Jaskier's heart is hammering. It’s fine, it’s fine, they’re just making noise, it’s fine--

"Need to be louder than that," Geralt murmurs, lips still brushing his throat. He's looking up at Jaskier from under his lashes, entirely too tempting.

This feels like a dream, like it can't possibly be real. Geralt isn't offering sex, of course, but the implication--he breaks off that line of thinking. That way lies madness and broken hearts. "Louder, huh?" he replies, just as quiet. He finds his fingers trailing along Geralt's jaw of their own violation, slipping up into his hair. He tugs gently, testing, and Geralt makes another pleased sound, arches into it. Jaskier moans in response.

"Yeah," Geralt rasps, "like that." Jaskier doesn't know if he's talking about the grip in his hair or the moan. He feels feverish with how badly he wants.

"Geralt--"

"Yeah?" he sounds a little breathless, a little horse. Arousal clenches a little tighter in Jaskier's gut, arousal Geralt has to know about. It’s hard to focus. Geralt abruptly drops his hips and rocks against him. They both break off to moan, louder than they should be at an inn. Someone bangs on the neighboring wall. Good.

Between them, Jaskier can feel the hot, hard outline of Geralt's cock through his trousers as he rolls his hips against him again. They're almost aligned--if Geralt shifted a little to the right he'd be grinding right against his dick instead of the crease of his thigh. The fact that Geralt's hard sends his thoughts spinning, leaves him breathless and panting.

"Fuck," Jaskier warbles, arching underneath him and tugging hard with the fist still in Geralt's hair. It's like pulling a switch--Geralt chokes, moaning brokenly, hips stuttering. "You like that, love?" Jaskier asks, rolling his hips up as he tugs again. They're supposed to be making noise, right? This is just that. Noise. Doesn't have to mean anything.

"Yeah," Geralt gasps, soft and pliant in his hands suddenly, and fuck if he doesn't sound beautiful, just this side of wrecked already. This absolutely means something, no matter how much it probably shouldn't. Jaskier doesn't know if Geralt's playing along or if he's really as into this as Jaskier is, but the erection rubbing along his thigh is real either way.

"Fuck yeah you do," Jaskier pants, free hand settling on Geralt's hip to hold him steady as they roll together, graceless and a little frantic. Geralt tucks forward, presses his face back down into Jaskier's throat to whine quietly between deep, panting breaths. Jaskier fits his fingers close to the base of his skull, tugs firmly again. Watching Geralt arch and moan is addictive. "Let me hear you, darling."

"Fuck, Jaskier," Geralt whines, trembling. His name in that tone feels like a bolt of lightning in his veins. Distantly, Jaskier knows they've crossed multiple lines some minutes back, that this has jumped from "faking loud sex noises" to something painfully sincere almost immediately, but with the noises Geralt's making, the way he's shaking and pressing into his touches, he can't think.

"Gods, you're beautiful," he groans, releases his hair to run a soothing hand down his back. Geralt folds back down against him, presses his lips to Jaskier's jaw, still making quiet little noises as their hips shift together.

"Jask," Geralt says, breath ghosting hot over his throat, his jaw, the shell of his ear. It's too quiet for anyone in the hallway to hear, "'m pretty sure they're gone."

And that should be the end of it. They've sufficiently persuaded the guards Jaskier's preoccupied upstairs with another lover. But Geralt isn't moving.

"Yeah?" He asks, dipping his fingers under the hem of Geralt's shirt to trace gentle patterns across his lower back. "You want to stop?" Geralt shakes.

"You don't--"

"Shh," Jaskier cuts him off, presses his palm flat to the small of his back, skin to skin. "I didn't ask about me. Do you want to stop?" He's quiet too long, breath harsh where he's still tucked to Jaskier's throat, face averted. "We don't have to," he murmurs, tips his head so he's resting his cheek against the top of Geralt's head.

Geralt makes a tiny, punched out noise. "Fuck, Jaskier. I can't--"

"It's okay," he soothes. He can't quite mask the way disappointment settles heavy in his chest, even as he shifts to slide out from under him. Before he can, Geralt drops his weight all at once, pinning him in place. Jaskier startles, eyes a little wide.

Geralt wets his lips, nervous. "No, Jask, I'm--I want it, please, I want it so bad," his words are a little frantic, as if ripped from somewhere deep. He's panting still as he presses his face roughly again Jaskier's shoulder, obviously embarrassed. Something in Jaskier's chest surges painfully.

"Oh, darling, that's okay," Jaskier shifts the hand on Geralt's hip up to card through his hair, "you can have as much of me as you want, sweetheart. Always." Geralt whines at that, hips jerking. Jaskier gasps, digs his fingers into Geralt's scalp a little, delights in the way he shivers.

"Please," Geralt raps out. He cranes his head back when Jaskier pulls his hair again, gentle this time, to let Jaskier see his face, finally. He's flushed, pupils blown, eyelids fluttering.

"Can I kiss you?" Jaskier asks, leaning up to hover a scant few inches away from Geralt's lips.

"Please," he repeats, holds so, so still while he waits for Jaskier to close the distance. The first press of lips is tentative, gentle, makes Jaskier's chest tight with an emotion he's terrified to name.

"Fuck, Geralt," he says against his lips, both hands now pushing up his shirt, palms sliding across the scarred expanse of his back, "Tell me what you want, darling."

"Want you to fuck me," he mumbles, cheeks red and eyes downcast. Jaskier goes hot.

"Fuck, you'd really--? You're going to kill me," he mumbles. Geralt whines, hides his face in Jaskier's throat again (he's shy in bed and it's painfully adorable, makes Jaskier feel fit to burst with that emotion he won't acknowledge).

"Thought for sure you'd want to fuck me into next week," Jaskier teases. Geralt starts to stiffen, "this is a nice surprise, though," he soothes. He doesn't want Geralt to think he doesn't want him this way--he does, gods does he ever--but he is a little surprised, still.

"I can--" He starts.

"No. I'd be delighted, love. Let me take care of you," he says, pressing another gentle round of kisses to Geralt's mouth, "you deserve to be taken care of, Geralt." Geralt groans softly as he relaxes back into that placidity of earlier, melts into the kisses. He opens beautifully, lets Jaskier lick into his mouth, claim him in a mimicry of that kiss in the marketplace before he'd bought Jaskier the ring. He’s still wearing it.

"Up for a moment, darling. Let me go get the oil," Jaskier breathes into the kiss. He follows Geralt's roll to the side so he's on top, hands settling on his broad chest, fingers skimming under the hem of his rucked up shirt to brush bare skin. Geralt shivers. "Be a dear and get this off for me, too," he says when he pulls back, leaving Geralt with another parting kiss before he forces himself up and away to dig through his bags.

He finds the oil momentarily. "Alright, sweetheart--" he starts, but his words die in his throat when he turns back to find Geralt nearly bare, stripped down to his underthings, one hand cupping the bulge in his smallclothes that makes Jaskier's mouth water.

"Fuck."

Geralt has the nerve to fucking smirk, arch his back, press his palm roughly to his still hidden dick, moan brokenly. He's putting on a show.

"Oh darling, you should have told me you like to show off. Fuck, I could watch you forever." The act cracks when Geralt blushes, bright and adorable. The contrast is delightful. "And you're so shy," he teases, grin soft.

"'m not shy," Geralt grumbles, ducking his face as if to hide the blush.

"Oh, dear heart it's okay. It's cute."

"'m not cute," Geralt continues to grouse as Jaskier strips himself of his doublet and chemise before climbing back onto the bed, settling himself over Geralt's hips.

"You are," Jaskier grins, leans down to press a kiss to his forehead, the tip of his nose, his cheek. Geralt gives a growl that rocks Jaskier to his core. "Yeah," he groans. That too.

A large palm slides up Jaskier's side, thumbs at a nipple. He bites back another noise, leans forward to mouth at Geralt's exposed collarbones. He feels Geralt's other hand settle on the small of his back, fingers teasing at the waistband of his trousers. Jaskier focuses on kissing down his chest, pausing to swirl his tongue around a nipple, suck it into his mouth. Geralt groans, soft and lovely.

He spends a few moments just lavishing his chest until he's panting and writhing, bucking up into the hot suction of Jaskier's mouth before he moves down lower, to kiss at the crest of a hip, the dip of his lower stomach. Geralt tenses when he pulls back, breathes warm air over the tented fabric of his smallclothes.

"Fuck, Jaskier, please--"

"Yeah?" he asks, voice low, "what do you want, Geralt?" It's a tease, revenge for the posturing earlier. They both know it.

"Fucking--shit. Just," he breaks off, flexes his hips up. Jaskier rides the movement, keeps out of his range, one hand on Geralt's thigh. He can feel the grin pulling across his own face. Geralt whines, "want your mouth, Jask, please."

Jaskier groans. "So sweet for me, darling," he says, ducking forward to mouth at his dickhead through the fabric. Geralt's hips snap up, back arching.

"Fuck!" The neighbor from earlier bangs on the wall again. Jaskier pulls back to laugh.

"We're going to be thrown out at this rate," he snickers, pressing his face into the crease of Geralt's thigh.

"Then get to it, bard," Geralt growls. It would be intimidating to anyone not Jaskier.

"In good time, darling. Don't you want to feel good?" Even as he says it, he hooks his fingers in Geralt's smallclothes, drags them down.

"Your mouth could be put to better use," Geralt grunts, hips flexing as he helps Jaskier undress him.

"Bossy," Jaskier grins, just before he takes Geralt back in his mouth. They both moan. Geralt's thick and perfect against Jaskier's tongue, the taste salty and warm and decidedly masculine. He focuses on relaxing his jaw, working him a little deeper with every pass. He's not sure what he expected of Geralt, in bed exactly. Or more accurately maybe, he does know what he pictured; rough, frantic, Geralt very much in charge, and Geralt is...none of those things. It's not bad, just very, very different.

Instead of the rough treatment Jaskier was expecting, Geralt's holding frighteningly still, hips twitching gently in response to Jaskier's ministrations. He's breathing harshly as if fresh from a fight, head rolling on the pillow, silver hair fanned out beneath him. He's not passive, but he's certainly receptive. He's the most beautiful thing Jaskier's ever seen.

One handed and with only a little difficulty, Jaskier uncorks the vial of oil and douses his fingers liberally before replacing the little stopper and dropping it by his own hip for later. Above him, Geralt's eyes have fallen shut, expression twisted with pleasure. He's making quiet little noises as Jaskier sinks as low as he can on Geralt's generously endowed dick before pulling back to suck and lave at the head, free hand wrapped around the base.

Carefully, Jaskier traces wet fingers back to Geralt's hole and presses, gentle and teasing. Geralt's eyelids flutter and he shifts backward, encouraging Jaskier to press harder, press in. Instead, he keeps the touch gentle but persistent, rubs back and forth to tease at the rim with slick fingertips.

"Jaskier," Geralt says, breathless. Jaskier hasn't taken his eyes off his face so he gets to watch as Geralt struggles to keep his eyes open, struggles to meet his gaze, "Jaskier, please."

He takes pity, if only because Geralt is beautiful and Jaskier is impatient. He presses a single fingertip in as he swallows him down again, closes his eyes so he can focus on the sound Geralt makes at that, something wounded and painful. It's almost enough to have Jaskier withdrawing, just to check in, but Geralt's already rocking enthusiastically back on that finger.

Jaskier runs his tongue along the vein when he's in all the way to the last knuckle, lets Geralt rock gently between the slight intrusion and the suction of his mouth before he starts to press the tip of a second finger in.

"Fuck," Geralt groans, back arching, "fuck, Jaskier, yes." Jaskier moans at the praise, makes sure he's got his lips pressed as far down his shaft as he can manage when he does. Geralt's hands, still balled into fists in the sheets at either side of his hips, clench and unclench as Jaskier works him over, works him open.

Geralt takes two fingers beautifully and enthusiastically, even when Jaskier's jaw begins to ache and he has to pull off, give himself a rest.

"Fuck, you're beautiful. Look how good you take it. You want my cock, love?"

Geralt whines, thrusting back onto Jaskier's fingers with a little more force. "Yeah, yes, please, Jaskier."

Jaskier doesn't answer, just presses in, searching for--

Geralt jerks, throws a fist up to shove in his mouth to muffle the sounds. Jaskier leans up, gently pulls the fist away. "Darling, let me hear you," he murmurs, rubbing deliberately against that spot again. Geralt keens. "Gods, you sound so pretty. Can't wait to be inside you. Feel good, sweetheart?"

Geralt nods frantically, arching his back to give Jaskier better access without shifting back down his body. He nudges the tip of a third finger in as reward, watches the way Geralt tenses before going lax again, every muscle trembling.

"Fuck, you're so good at this," Jaskier praises, presses his lips to the underside of Geralt's jaw. Geralt turns his face, chasing his lips and Jaskier indulges him in a slow, filthy kiss full of tongue and teeth. He feels drunk on this, could do this happily for the rest of his life. But--

"Jaskier, 'm ready. Please," Geralt gasps into the kiss when Jaskier's able to fuck him on three fingers easily. Jaskier presses in one last time to rub against his prostate, watches with hungry eyes as Geralt shakes and whines, arches both into the touch and away all at once. "Don't tease," he hisses, one hand locked around Jaskier's shoulder, blunt fingers digging deep into the tissue. He fervently hopes there will be bruises in the morning.

"Okay sweetheart," he grins, pulls his fingers out slowly so he can listen to the way Geralt's breath still hitches, listen to the broken little noise he makes when Jaskier leaves him empty. "Shh darling, just a minute," he soothes, as he shuffles out of his own trousers and smallclothes, snatching the little vial back up and popping the cap again to slick himself with a few quick, efficient strokes before capping it again. He drops it, doesn't care where it ends up (he'll find it in the morning). Geralt watches him intently, one hand wrapped around his cock and pumping slow and even. "How do you want this, love?"

"Just like this," he groans, spreading his legs a little wider as he pulls Jaskier back down to press their mouths together. His hands find their way to Jaskier's shoulders, loop around his neck. Jaskier adjusts their position, settles Geralt's thighs a little higher on his hips. Blindly he presses the blunt head of his cock to Geralt's entrance, watches the way Geralt's eyelids flutter, pupils blown so wide the gold is nothing but a ghost of a ring around pools of inky black.

"Breathe for me, Geralt," Jaskier whispers before he presses forward and in, and it's all he can do to keep his own breathing even, keep his hips from snapping forward too quickly. Geralt sighs, long and low and satisfied, head thrown back and throat exposed. Jaskier worries marks into that beautiful throat as he presses forward, bottoms out, presses lips and teeth and tongue against pale skin, marveling in the way it colors under his attention.

"Jask," Geralt groans, "move," and that's all the encouragement he needs to start rocking into him, gentle and slow. It's a tease, no more than a little friction and it's not enough for either of them, but fuck if it isn't nice. To be this close, this trusted by someone he cares about more than he's comfortable admitting out loud. It shouldn't, but gods this feels like so much more than sex.

"How's it feel, darling?" Jaskier asks, presses their foreheads together so there's nowhere else to look but at each other. Geralt's breathing raggedly, eyes fixed on Jaskier's. His throat works for a long moment and Jaskier thinks he probably won't be getting a response. It's fine. Geralt doesn't do words, really and it's obvious he's enjoying this, it's fine.

"'S good," he mumbles, color dusting his cheeks, "you're so good, Jask." It leaves him on a sigh as he arches his back a little, forces Jaskier just that little bit deeper. It leaves them both panting.

Jaskier tucks his face into Geralt's throat and sets a slow, languid pace as he trails fingertips down his chest, his sides, his arms to trace the puckered scars he doesn't ask about with a reverence that feels divine. Geralt whines, tips his head to hide his face in Jaskier's hair. This is love, honest and bold-faced and it leaves Jaskier shaking with how much he wants this to mean as much for Geralt as it does for him.

"Good," he breathes against Geralt's skin, "wanna be good for you, love. You deserve it so much." He should shut up. He's going to say something he'll regret, something that will make Geralt uncomfortable--

"Jaskier," he sounds wrecked, "fuck, Jask, I don't--"

He snaps his hips hard on the next thrust, listens to Geralt's objections die with a gasp. "You do, you daft idiot," he groans. He picks up his pace after that, focuses on making him feel good so maybe he can keep his traitorous mouth closed. He presses his mouth to Geralt's collarbone and worries it with lips and teeth, feels fingers slip into his hair, carding gently.

There's no talking for a while after that, just quiet breaths, little moans and sighs of pleasure as Jaskier keeps pace, fucks him hard and deep in long, practiced thrusts. He's aware of the fingers in his hair holding his mouth to Geralt's skin, the swell of arousal in his own gut, building, the quiet way Geralt keeps breathing in, like he has something he wants to say but can't quite manage it. It's so, so much. Jaskier feels overwhelmed, completely full of this bursting love he's afraid will show on his face, in his voice. He doesn't want to ruin this, especially if he never gets this again.

When Geralt does speak, it's gravelly and low and a little awkward, "sweetheart," he mumbles, the word foreign in his mouth. He presses his lips to Jaskier's temple, his forehead, cards his fingers back through his hair again. Jaskier shakes, hips stuttering as he loses his rhythm. "Sweetheart," he repeats, a little louder. He's tugging gently at the fine hairs at the nape of Jaskier's neck, encouraging Jaskier to lean back, to look at him and Jaskier is powerless in the face of Geralt's want. He goes.

Beneath him, Geralt's face is soft and open and so full of gentle concern it hurts to look at. "Jaskier, sweetheart," Geralt repeats, strong and sure this time. He brings a hand up to cup his cheek, brushes a thumb under Jaskier's eye, and only then does he realize he's been crying. "What's wrong, Jask?"

He sucks in a hitching breath, closes his eyes. He stills with a great effort, bites back the whine that builds in his throat in response. "I'm just--" I'm just so happy, I want it to be good, I want you to want me, again and again and again, this won't be enough, "--I'm just--"

"Too much?" Geralt asks, thumb still sweeping tears away.

"No," Jaskier mumbles, catches Geralt's hand so he can press a kiss to his palm, "happy tears, love."

Geralt just hums in response, lets his palm be kissed. He doesn't object when Jaskier starts to move again or when he links their hands together and presses them into the pillow beside Geralt's head, but he doesn't let Jaskier hide away again. "Look at me, Jask," he rumbles when Jaskier moves to press his face to Geralt's throat again. "I want to see you."

"Fuck, Geralt, you can't just say that," he groans, presses their foreheads together instead. He keeps his eyes closed so he doesn't have to stare into Geralt's eyes. He's as terrified of seeing his own feelings reflected there as he is of not.

He gives a little huff Jaskier might call a laugh if he was being generous, tilts his head so his lips brush against Jaskier's. "Mm, better kiss me quiet then," Geralt hums, "or I might have to tell you how much I've wanted this for months." Jaskier's hips stutter again.

"Fuck Geralt, what the fuck," he gasps out, and Geralt groans as Jaskier's pace goes choppy and hard as he does exactly as Geralt asked, kissing him with teeth and tongue, sloppy and frantic.

"Been trying to tell you for a while," Geralt rumbles into the kiss, twisting their joined hands around so he can rub the ring Jaskier's still wearing very, very gently. Jaskier sucks in a sharp breath. "Yeah," Geralt groans, "yeah."

"Stupid, noble, idiot," Jaskier pants out between thrusts, "have you been trying to woo me into bed?"

The shy little grin Geralt gives at that is telling.

"Geralt!" It's something between a laugh and groan. He wraps his free hand around Geralt's dick, jerks him in time with his thrusts. He's getting close.

"Thought you'd catch on," Geralt gaps, back arching when Jaskier hits the right angle again, "fuck, Jaskier, do that again." He endeavors to obey, starts twisting his wrist at the top of every stroke as well.

He wishes he had something witty to say in response to that, but he doesn't. He'd assumed Geralt had just been doing what was necessary to protect Jaskier. He'd never thought--"So about my antics does it for you then, darling? Is it the danger? I bet it's the danger."

Geralt does laugh at that, a quiet chuckle that bites off into a moan. "'s just you," he gasps, "all of you, Jask." And oh the things that does to him.

"Fuck, I'm close."

"Yeah," Geralt sighs, "come in me, sweetheart," and that's all it takes.

Jaskier's orgasm isn't the earthshattering thing he thinks it probably should be, considering. Instead, it crests warm and bright like an ocean wave, sweeps him under gently and returns to lap at him, over and over again. He presses his forehead into Geralt's shoulder and shakes his way through it, hips twitching. Geralt's free hand, not the one still wrapped around his own, smooths down his spine, pets at the small of his back until he can breathe easy again.

"Fuck darling," Jaskier sighs. He feels fucking exhausted, but, "let me finish you off, sweetling." He resumes his previous stroking with renewed purpose and doesn't pull out, even though the way Geralt's clenching down on him is quickly edging into "too much" territory. Instead, he grinds in a little bit, focuses on hitting his prostate with each shift and watches the way his face contorts and his breathing picks up.

"Jask--Jaskier, I--" he's breathing hard and the hand he's still holding is squeezing tighter.

"Shh, it's alright love. Come on, come for me."

"Fuck, Jaskier," Geralt whines. He clenches down hard, making Jaskier hiss, and then he's coming in long stripes over his own stomach and Jaskier's knuckles. "Fuck."

Jaskier hums in response, pulling out to collapse gracelessly beside him. The silence that ensues is remarkably comfortable and Jaskier's nearly dozed off when Geralt shifts and sits up. He tamps down on the twinge of disappointment that shifts under his breastbone--just because Geralt's been angling to get him into bed doesn't mean anything other than this. It's...fine. It's all fine.

Jaskier hears the water pitcher slosh and listens with a quiet detachment to the sounds of Geralt cleaning himself off. He's trying not to let the silence get to him, now that he's thinking about it. Geralt's a quiet guy, he reminds himself. He doesn't have to psychoanalyze the silence. It probably means nothing.

"Can hear you thinking from across the room," Geralt says, appearing at Jaskier's hip. He cleans him off quick and thorough before bending to press a gentle kiss to Jaskier's lips that sends his entire thought process to a clattering halt. "And you should stop thinking whatever it is that's making you smell like dying flowers."

"What?" He's never heard that one before.

"The--" Geralt walks back across the room to discard the cloth on the table, "--the dead flower smell. Whatever's making you sad." He pulls a face as he says it.

"Didn't know dead flowers had a smell," Jaskier mumbles; he knows Geralt can hear him anyway.

"They smell like--" he trails off, sighs. "It's sickly sweet. Like rot but...floral. It's unpleasant."

Jaskier makes a tiny noise of acknowledgment and jerks in surprise a moment later when Geralt slides back into bed behind him and tucks him up against Jaskier's back, arm around his waist.

"I said stop thinking about it," he murmurs, pressing his lips to the curve of Jaskier's shoulder. Then a beat later-- "is this...not what you wanted?"

"What?" Jaskier scrambles to roll over, to see Geralt's face. Geralt lets him, reluctantly. "Why would I--? Is this not what you wanted?" He asks instead, hiding behind another question. Geralt's expression pinches.

"I told you I wanted this."

Oh.

Oh.

"Fuck, I'm an idiot," Jaskier groans, presses his face to Geralt's chest.

"We've established that, yes," Geralt agrees, weathering the look of irritation Jaskier shoots him at that, grinning softly.

"I thought--I thought you wanted the, the sex. And not--" not this.

"You are an idiot," he sighs, long-suffering, and presses a kiss to Jaskier's forehead.

"Should have maybe figured that one out when you called me sweetheart, huh?" He grins, just a little shy, but it's worth it to watch the way Geralt colors immediately and pulls him in close so he doesn't have to look him in the eye.

"Hm." Jaskier laughs.

They settle back into a comfortable silence that leaves Jaskier pressed snugly to Geralt's chest, face tucked into his neck while he spins his little ring absently around his finger.

"Don't give me any more reason to hide you from angry family or guards anymore, Jaskier," Geralt mumbles into his hair, "You want something, I'll take care of you."

Jaskier flushes warm, presses his lips helplessly to Geralt's chest, right over his heart. "Of course, darling," he breathes, trying not to choke on the feeling that wells up in him at those words. This, he thinks, is a much better arrangement anyway.