#at this point i feel like if i dont get it im a failure absolute fuckup because ive gotten it 3 out of 4 years

[mewtwo24]

I just watched s2 episode 10 in the english dub and I have to say. Nothing could have prepared me for Howard's delivery of that final scene where Xie Lian gets worked up about the truth coming out.

The just...sincerely agonized delivery of "That my words were the empty ramblings of a sad child!!" shook me to the core. The absolute self-loathing in that line, the raw emotion. The way concealing the truth was done to spare Lang Qianqiu but also at its heart was about Xie Lian's unresolved feelings of humiliation and shame, the way [redacted] did everything in his power to make Xie Lian lose faith in himself and the possibility of good prevailing in the world.

The way TGCF keeps me up at night, man...

[aroacesigma]

.

[medicasino]

vent below so dont feel like you have to read this 👍i simply have no where else to put this bc i dont want to Bother My Friends

god i wish i could just kill myself but i like. cant. there's too much stopping me. but i dont want to do anything anymore. i dont want to deal with this constant misery of being trapped in a brain with a death wish hellbent on making me want to die horrifically. i wish people just hated me outright so i had a good excuse to just call it quits on life and die

[mejomonster]

Reading a new book on love and feeling gradually more and more hopeless ToT

[the-kipsabian]

i just really need to hear its okay if i dont hit some goals i set for myself for this week. or ever, really

[wheelie-sick]

im gonna be blunt i dont get your angle on the adhd meds post. like yeah some disabilities/chronic illnesses are more likely to injure or kill you than others, why are we comparing? if i dont get my thyroid medication i have a pretty decent chance of dying young of congestive heart failure in about 20 years, but in the short term, it will just make my life more difficult and unpleasant due to hypothyroid symptoms not being immediately deadly. like... why are we playing this oppression olympics shit?

ADHD does not kill you. it's not oppression olympics to say "ADHD does not kill you" that is just a fact that people apparently really hate to hear. the only people playing oppression olympics are the people with ADHD insisting that ADHD is a deadly disease because they feel invalidated by the fact that some people have deadly illnesses and need to feel like they're the "sickest." it's not oppression olympics to point out that the danger of lupus is not comparable to the "danger" of ADHD. that is just a fact. statistics show that 10% of people with lupus will die from it and an even larger percent of people with pediatric lupus will die from it. statistics do not show that for ADHD because ADHD does not directly kill you.

I also said absolutely nothing about thyroid medication.

[calfrxca]

[JUDGEMENT]

no way, cal returns from his art hiatus to post gay people and returns from hiatus for good :00 ??? no- im. im still on hiatus, my escapades to vatican city and specifically st peter's basillica last month just caused some brainworms LMFAO, i have. way too much to say about this specific piece and how my reading of the illiad and the war that killed achilles made it so much stronger

also before you ask, yes this is based on michelangelo's pietà in the vatican, dont even TRY to @ me

my yappings aside

ordo (the guy with the fuckass pipe in his chest) belongs to @gemsbokk !!!

meanings and yappings regarding this piece below the cut as usual, i dont expect anyone to read this, i just need to get this out or i'll actually EXPLODE

(upright) improvement, forgiveness, change of perspectives, absolution and rebirth

(reversed) oppression, lack of self awareness, failure, repeated mistakes, and self loathing

generally, in roman mythos as a whole, there's this whole idea that cannibalism, incest, murder, whatever, doesnt apply to the olympians because of their status as "The Divine" and any mortal who tries to do the same will be met with divine punishment from said olympians [many times, a mortal's fatal flaw is hubris, see achilles who believed he was immortal and a god because of how successful he was on the battlefield; icarus who flew too close to the sun and died, a literal modern day saying in the west for man's own hubris, etc] and if i remember correctly, some renditions of the illiad depict the myceaneans as cannibals. the war that killed achilles specifically writes:

"In the apocryphal Acts of Andres (dating to the 3rd century A.D.), there is 'a city of the cannibals,' which is identified as Myrmidon; it is possible that this account taps into some more ancient, and savage, lost tradition."

and my recent escapades to the roman colosseum revealed that the romans regularly consumed blood because they believed it had health benefits to it and they thought it cured epilepsy [paper written by the NBCI on this topic]; is there any historical basis proving that the consumption of blood actually had health benefits? no clue, nor do i really feel like checking these exact logistics at the moment (but if anyone does, feel free to @ me about it, i love weird historical shit like this), the actual effects behind it are moot, what's relevant here is the idea

the idea of consumption and cannibalism turning one into a god have the same effects as how, in greek mythos, the gods were often depicted engaging in acts such as incest, cannibalism, whatever, acts that we as mortals define as "immoral" and "unjust," not only just to seperate them from humans but also show that morals are a very fickle, human thing

anyways, my point here is there's something so raw about tacet losing it to the point he's not even just eating mechanical parts, but he's also eating organic parts, see: organic hearts, guts, kidneys, the like

"No matter how many men you eat boy, you will not be a god."

i mean tacet himself masks his desperation for touch and sensuality with literal blood and guts, which then creates a feedback loop of violence and death, which is a reoccurring theme in greek tragedies; specifically observed and mentioned in emily wilson's translation of the illiad:

"When a man is slain in times of peace, families can gain partial compensation for their loss by exacting a blood-price from the killer. Killers may also be forced to leave the community and take refuge elsewhere, as Patroclus did as a boy after he accidentally killed another boy in an argument over a game; he was adopted by his cousin Peleus and raised beside Achilles, like an older brother. In such cases, the killer's loss of his original home comforts the family in their need for vengeance. But in war, killers recognize no binding obligation to compensate the families of their victims. The only way the bereaved can recoup their losses is to kill the killer—whose comrades will demand vengeance in their turn. Killing begets killing, death begets death, and every loss of life generates further loss of life."

another instance is observed in the emily wilson translation here:

"When it is too late to save a warrior's life, friends and kinsmen may be able at least to save his weapons and his armor. If those have been stripped, the companions of the dead man may at least save his body."

there's a certain trope found in media, especially queer media where cannibalism and consumption are a common metaphor for love (see hannibal and interview with a vampire), and considering their dynamic was written in the midst of a hannibal brainrot im not exactly surprised there's a lot of similarities here

namely, tacet was a cannibalism from the start, starting drinking energon just as a more cost and time efficient way to staying fueled, but it turned into an addiction and eventually was lauded as something holy (there's something to be said here about the christian idea of wine and crackers being symbols of christ's blood and body; communion, the eucharist, whatever); i cant remember if this was canon or not so don't quote me on this

but at some point, tacet convinced ordo to try cannibalism as well, just to "see what would happen," went well enough until ordo got the fuckass pipe in his chest; something something play on the idea of cannibalism is only reserved for the divine; ordo died and tacet lost ordo

queer tragedy is very much a phenomenon found in greek and roman mythos, and well. this feels like it fits

alright im done yapping for now, my head hurts now, thanks for listening to my ted talk

here's some pics from rome and venice as a thanks LMFAO

i'll add image IDs to these once my headache goes away I PROMISE

[salvadorbonaparte]

my grandfather died a few years back and we inherited money from him, best thing he ever did for us. maybe thats evil of me too, but its the truth. he did nothing for us, not when we needed the money, not when our dad, his son, died, nothing. i dont think id be able to get the education im getting now if we hadnt inherited though. it was the best and maybe only thing hes ever done for me. im grateful for it but not to him, it was the least he couldve done for us and he couldnt even give it in his life. anyway, i resonated with your post a bit, im sorry about your situation. i hope things turn around for you soon, stay strong

Thank you for the message. I'm sorry your family is messed up too and you're definitely not evil for thinking this.

The reason I said I felt evil is that previously, my grandpa was one of the most important people in my life. I owe him a lot. I could always talk to him, I always felt understood, he always helped me. Without him, we never could have paid for the supreme court case and I would have stayed in a really bad living situation. Without him, I never could have done my Master's because he covered my tuition fees. He also bought me my last laptop, without which university would have been impossible too. He supported me and talked to me about serious and intelligent topics.

For the past couple years he's been getting weird. First there was the incident where I got really sick the first day of my job and had to fly home and he told me he was disappointed in me for not working. After that, I was constantly afraid of failure and risked my mental health in several situations because I didn't want him to be disappointed in me again. Then I finished my BA and wanted him and my grandma to attend my graduation but he said he's "not interested in visiting the UK". I know he's scared of flying and that it was a lie but there's trains and cars and I thought that my graduation would be important enough for him to come. Then he and my grandma told me to not get a Master's and "stop having such silly dreams and get a real job". They have apologised for this since and, as mentioned, he paid for my MA, but I'm not entirely over it yet. He ignored his physical health to the point of nearly dying this year and continues to have problems that he ignores. I also learned that he has been really manipulative and borderline emotionally abusive to my grandma and that really changed the way I think about him. And now he told me he's disappointed in me for not finding a job (anyone following me knows how often I talk about the over 100 unsuccessful applications) while I was actively breaking down crying about my dream being destroyed.

And like. I have family members I have 0 contact with nowadays because they've always been absolutely dickheads and they'll always be dickheads and I'll celebrate the day they'll die. That's fine and normal. They did incredibly bad things to me and my mum. But suddenly having an angry spiteful thought about my grandpa? That feels wrong. But it also doesn't feel like he's my grandpa anymore. That's not the same person.

[stick-ball]

I WAS LOOKING FOR A JEREMY BPD/ANGER ISSUES POST I THOUGJT I HAD SEEN THIS MORNING PLEASE WRITE YOUR HEADCANNONS AGAIN I BEG OF YOU GIVE JEREMY KNOX THE LOVE HE DESERVES

Okay so this is long overdue, but might as well. I guess this is an observation of fandom Jeremy as much as the canon one, so don't come at me.

I dunno read Jeremy as having BPD bcs... bcs honestly have you ever met anyone who has Sunshine shining from their ass? Me neither. Though I have met ppl with severe personality issues who had a coping mechanism like that, of course they weren't young and talented sportsmen looked up to by many ppl and rooted for by many, so they had enough free space and privacy to go absolutely fucked up at other ppl when they were having bad brain hours.

Yes im including myself here.

The name of the game is If I Give Them No Reason to Leave Me They Won't.

Or If I Give Them No Things To Hate Me For They Won't Hurt me.

But spice it up with black and white thinking, paranoia and unhelathy behaviours jumping off the standard spectrum of bottling things out into like, going on a 4 hour run to cool off bcs you are undeserving bcs you are a bad captain bcs you're annoyed at the freshmen bcs they dont care about your shared goals enough and is thay really a them issue? Or is it actually a You issue? Are you blaming others for your own failures again? Look at yourself, you're fucking pathetic, and egoistic at that, you demand things from others but how do you show you care for what others need huh? You think you're a good captain? Keep telling yourself that, before you know it they will all turn against you. Because you're a failure, bcs you cant even make them care? Maybe you're just not a good enough player , or maybe they can see straight through you, see what you are udnerneath the happy exterior. Yo have just not good enough, not trying hard enough, and you want them to look up to.. to That???

Or maybe it is a them issue bcs fuck that, fuck the smiling, fuck the caring, you don't actually care, if they don't care, why would you? 🤔 you don't owe anyone anything you are so done with everyone and everything cant they LEAVE YOU THE FUCK ALONE, HAVENT YOU DONE ENOUGH TO HAVE AT LEAST ONE SMALL THING GO RIGHT ONCE? YOU ARE SO FUCKKNG ANGRY so you have to do something you feel like smashing something, you could, your body is literally a machine, you could show them what you actually think about their Opinions, how pathetic and annoying they are and actually fuck that you have to leave you cant stand being in the same room as them for one second longer.

But the sunshine Jeremy 🌞 exterior slips on so even though you want to crash the doors closed you smile and wave and say something stupid and cheery you even have a fucking spring in your step.

Bcs you're a fucking liar a fucking impostor you can't help it at this point you are a clay figurine that's hollowed out inside.

You are so tired it's like there's a lump of cloth absolutely soaked weighting on your lungs

You actually feel like crying while you wave at alvarez from the stretch of the corridor, making goddamn plans to meet up for group studying maths later in the evening while your lungs constrict holding down a sob.

You hate them all for the next 3 hours.

And then on hour four while you're circling the campus heading back from your walk/jog/run/staring into the distance/jog again you tap into the very comfortable very familiar hating of yourself.

This is a light version of course but I bet Jeremy is that person that dissapears sometimes like at parties ect bcs they are doing some absolutely stupid shit like having sex with a complete stranger or getting drunk but they know enough about the emptiness and self hatred they will feel ten minutes after they succumb to thay behaviour that they learned to do it when the judgment of the ppl who know them won't touch this piece of him. Bcs it feels like a separate piece.

Like he is parcelled into different breeds of fucked up inside and they are all set on a loop in a music playing machine from a highway diner. One song ends another starts you can choose which one if you throw in a dime.

And also we gotta add in the sensory issues, he sees things, he hears them, sometimes he does a dodge while there's nothing coming bcs he thought it was. Some weeks it feels almost he lives from one training to the next bcs he doesn't remember a minute from what's in between. Good thing he taught himself this sunny persona bcs its an autopilot mode that gets him having to answer the least amount of questions when he doesn't fucking remember what happened from 8 am till late afternoon that day.

[stateswscarlet]

sp just got with a 3p. ive been manifesting for a year now and now i feel hopeless and like i failed. i feel like ive lied to myself just to comfort myself about our break up. i love sp dearly but idk what to do. he says he loves her. and i saw my other fav loass twitter account just had the same thing happen. it sucks. my heart hurts.

im sorry babe i understand youre hurt and thats 100% valid. take as long as you need to feel better and turn to self soothing methods (EFT tapping, breathwork, etc) to ground and calm yourself. when youre feeling not so great theres absolutely zero point forcing manifestation or forcing a state since youre prob not going to fulfill yourself anyways.

secondly, your words “hopeless” and “failure” tell me exactly where youve been focusing for the past “year” youve been “manifesting” (hint: you haven’t been consciously manifesting for a year straight bc you prob spent a good chunk of that figuring things out and learning the ropes, overconsuming and desiring. dont confuse learning the law with applying, you’re telling me for a YEAR straight you would bet everything you have to tell me that you’ve been in the state of being in a fulfilling relationship? i think not). you’ve been focusing on how its not here and how youre gona do the “work” to get them back/in a relationship with you.

even you saying you feel like you lied to yourself to feel better shows exactly what state you’ve been occupying. if you were actually fulfilled and understood that youre not getting back the sp who you arent with in the 3D/the one dating someone else then you wouldn’t be in shambles over a NEUTRAL 3D that means absolutely nothing. thats not your reality because you as god of your imagination already experienced the relationship remember? you ALREADY got back with them, so how can YOU as god of YOUR imagination go back and say “lol nvm actually were not together, hes with a 3p so fuck everything i experienced!” this also shows you haven’t accepted the 3D as is and were hoping and wishing that you “manifesting” would reflect in some near future. hence youve probably been embodying a state that definitely wasnt being someone in a committed relationship. this journey isnt about hope and wishing, its about being and LIVING your life normally. its not lying to yourself if you already came to terms with the current 3D (which we cant change forcefully - we can only change self) and understood that your manifestation IS NOT COMING FROM THE 3D AT ALL, let alone the shitty 3D where you guys broke up or whatever circumstances happened. yes in this specific 3D hes with someone else but why would you care? you already experienced your manifestation with YOUR partner who you already are dating in the reality that truly matters.

you cannot be imagining to solve circumstances. neville got rejected in the 3D for leaving the army yet he didn’t give uo because that rejection didnt mean he failed because he wasn’t imagining to GET OUT (aka youre not imagining to get sp back or remove a 3p), he was imagining to experience being back w his family (youre imagining to experience the relationship of your dreams). obviously if your goal is 3D oriented then yes it will seem like you failed because youre depending on the external to give you something.

[positivelyadhd]

ik its not ur usual positivity but THANK YOU so much for that post!!! I feel like "gifted kid burnout" really dominates the conversation and thats only one experience of many.

I was diagnosed with adhd in elementary school and was basically like. "the kid with problems" "lost cause" my entire life. one of my teachers even directly told my mom she should be ashamed of me lol. any successes were like-- "see what you just did? imagine how much more you would be capable of if you didn't have adhd." to the point where I don't even feel any sense of accomplishment for graduating college. it's just one more "failure" i avoided in other peoples eyes. (i dont personally think not graduating college is a failure at all btw, that is just Society's Message™)

this part is kinda tangential but from what i've seen a lot (ofc not all) of gifted kid burnout posts are like, if only i would have been diagnosed earlier all of this could be avoided. and maybe that's true - I understand where it's coming from at least, the frustration of feeling that something is wrong but not knowing what or having that "proof" that you're not just "lazy" etc. im not saying this isn't a valid wish or frustration but in my experience... hoooo boy.

personally being diagnosed with ADHD in the early 2000s, didn't meant you got support, it meant you were written off from the start, adults thought you had no future, you were seen as a "problem child" like it wasn't "oh you're not lazy you just have adhd!" it was "you have ADHD so you are built to be lazy and theres nothing you can do about it lol" so it didn't solve much. just created a different type of problem. im very happy to see things look to be changing though!!

I'm curious if other people had a similar experience and thank you so much for adding the 'diagnosed but not supported' part bc that is so real!!!

Absolutely this!!

My experience with diagnosis and lack of support was strange, but basically my primary (ages 4-11) school (I believe) suspected I had adhd/dyslexia and did offer some (very limited) support. But they also always told my parents they didn't think I had a learning difficulty when they asked because I was in extra programmes. I don't really think the support they did give me really helped all that much, and honestly, when I did get my diagnosis (around 12/13?) I'd spent so long thinking there was just something "wrong" with me that I feel like the lack of diagnosis was a lot more negatively impactful than not receiving support would've been.

My secondary school then managed to flip this and despite me getting my diagnosis part way through, nothing really changed either. Being told I had ADHD/Dyslexia changed me and my understanding of myself. I finally felt like things made sense and there was a reason i found things so difficult, it wasn't that there was something "wrong" with me but the system was not built for me. Although my diagnosis was early compared to some people, it felt late to me, and everything that can happen when you're undiagnosed had already set in.

I wished I'd been diagnosed earlier but honestly, I had a similar experience to you, and I don't think it would've done much. And even when I was finally diagnosed, my school also never really acknowledged my diagnosis and wouldn't put any of the accommodations that I needed in place (despite my diagnosis coming with a report which explained everything they should've been doing to support me and how they could've done it) I didn't get any accommodations for my neurodiversity until I was in uni, and I got my diagnosis in 2015 so at least for me, my experience wasn't that different to yours in the early 2000s.

When I tried to fight for the accommodations I should've been given, I was told that I would pass my exams, and so it didn't really matter, they didn't believe going through the hassle of giving me accommodations would help me (although the diagnosis report itself said otherwise.) I always felt similarly to you, I could scrape by but "imagine how much better you'd do without dyslexia/adhd" but I also had this weird "well because you're "gifted" you can get average grades, you don't need support!" message as well?

And yeah, just like you, I didn't really feel as accomplished as I should've done when I finished uni. I'm proud of myself for doing it but I do feel this weird pressure of knowing that if I didn't have adhd/dyslexia or managed it better, I would've done much better.

I apologise for rambling about myself but yeah thank you for this ask! I feel the same way, and I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in it as well.

I wish you the best dear anon <3

[a-slut-for-smut]

I just read your mei mei meta. 100% spot on. And I honestly I think the Shonen genre for all its violence... does a disservice automatically to women. It collapses characters into black and white cararitures sometimes..... so everyone sees a person who isn't 100% altruistic as bad. We go looking for the badness and that's even more enforced with women. Also I too am horny for mei mei. I wish jjk was more sexy. I wanna see characters be outwardly horny for each other. Up the stakes!

YAAAAAS preach it sister!!! Everything you said absolutely passes the vibe check- so much so i gotta break it down and expand on it 😁 (and heres to link to said mei mei meta jic)

And I honestly I think the Shonen genre for all its violence... does a disservice automatically to women. It collapses characters into black and white cararitures sometimes..... so everyone sees a person who isn't 100% altruistic as bad.

You wont find any argument here, in fact i would go as far to say most media nowadays suffer from this exact issue. But the real crux of the problem seems to lie in the lack of reader discernment. I dont know if its a subconscious or willful failure to understand "nuance", but its apparently lost to an audience that is obsessed with labeling/compartmentalizing everyone and everything to the point where they're essentially reducing characters (even actual people) to a single trope and judging them entirely on that when there are so many parts to a whole...feels bad man.

We go looking for the badness and that's even more enforced with women.

this is one of my biggest gripes- like i said on my meta, there are DEF some puritanical vibes behind the Mei Mei hate- its starting to feel insidiously sexist with the way the fandom is deadset on villainizing her because she doesnt "conform" within the norms of whats "good", and to a larger extent "good woman".

She isnt that maternal, nurturing, self sacrificial woman that reeks of patriarchal ideals therefore she must be bad.

She prioritizes money and considers a persons worth based on what benefit they bring to her as if this is the most unnatural way to be (thats the sad truth!) therefore she is greedy and selfish.

She has a "weird" relationship with her brother because their level of closeness makes them uncomfortable and therefore predatory.

And whats so funny to me is Mei Mei is- for all intents and purposes, a MERCENARY. She's not a teacher, shes not an instructor- she is a contract sorcerer for hire so money being a priority for her would be painfully obvious?? Shes not responsible for the students nor aligns herself with the politics of the jujutsu world- shes looks out for herself/get paid and this makes her evil?? Also cant help think that theres a certain type of person who feels threatened by a overly confident and shameless woman as a personal attack on themselves/their ideals and feels compelled to tear them down by any means possible, but maybe thats just me.

Idk, maybe it cant be helped when they see Nanami (whom are essentially foils of each other) willing forgo money and put his life on the line for the students but this still doesnt make her "evil" and so reductionist btw 🙄.

And to highlight the hyprocrisy of it all- if she was a man, the fandom would be slobbering all over her and if you need proof see: Toji, Geto/Kenjaku, Sukuna, even Gojo to an extent but the list goes on and on. Somehow these men get the pass and the fandom go to great lengths to humanize/emphasize with them, but the women? LOL

Also I too am horny for mei mei. I wish jjk was more sexy. I wanna see characters be outwardly horny for each other. Up the stakes!

oh honey, i am WITH you 100%!!! im not even trying to be petty, but the more the fandom hates on her the more i love her lol she is so HNGHHH, together we can make jjk sexy and outwardly horny for each other 🙌

[fortunatelyenchantingtaco]

"I know Alan's marriage with Alice is wonderful" man idk, i have no doubt that they love each other but i thought a major thematic piece of aw1 and 2 had everything to do with the fact that he treated her like absolute dogshit sometimes. obviously there's more going on and alan is better than that in the long run, but from alice's perspective especially scratch is such an allegory for an abusive spouse it's not even funny 🤔

I mean Scratch is basically everything bas in Alan but warped and maxed out to a degree that himself he would become

Alan is pretty depressed even in the first game, even if it manifests in his anger, it is still rooted in a very low view of himself. He’s convinced he’s a horrible person, an abusive husband, a failure of a writer

Which we dont actually see — like we see some of their fights, but it is normal in a marriage especially considering this is Alan being in writers block. It doesn’t justify his actions but often times relationships are a thing you have to work at. Its a conscious decision and effort to make it work, and people like Alan being temperamental when it comes to their art isnt a reason to just say that oh hes not fit for marriage hes abusive

Their trip in the first game is an effort on both ends to actually make it work because they love each other but Alan’s block is hard to deal with

Both games Alan’s sole purpose is to save Alice cause he loves her, loves her enough to stop writing and be locked in the Dark Place to keep her safe, we can see it in his flashbacks

And in the second game we can finally see Alice no longer being a damsel in distress but taking action. Like idk if its just me but the last message alone is for me a big confirmation there is so much love between them. She is so soft, so confident in him, in herself. She doesnt mind that he needs time, she knows he will eventually get there. That last video is personal, only for him to see, and its filled with so much love

I wouldn’t begrudge if they got divorced after everything settled down because of the amount of trauma they both experienced, but they love each other. Scratch might be a part of Alan but thats not all there is to him, there is anger and possessiveness in everyone, his just got a paranormal boost and got a mind of its own

We dont see much love in the first game cause narrative wise Alice very much played a role of a damsel in distress. But in the second game??? She is actively participating, her goal is not to get rid of Scratch, its to get Alan back

Like i dont think Scratch is an allegory for an abusive husband its not really a major point in any of it. Im not even sure if the haunting was actually that bad — we only see what Alive shows us, and all of it feels reallt pointed specifically like look here, here, you go. She guides him by the hand to where he needs to go

Fights between couples are normal and we dont really see any abuse happening or Alice wouldnt have been trying to save their marriage. Alan might have been shitty at times because of his obvious struggles, anger and drinking problems but nothing we know of shows actual abuse. Like i dont wanna just go oh he wasnt!! But what we see are arguments that genuenly happen to every couple

One of the big points of the game for me is that Alan is flawed. Hes not what you would typically call a good person, a hero, but he loves his wife, he sacrificed himself for her, he keeps trying to go back to her. The possessiveness and anger of Scratch, even if hes part of Alan, isnt everything he is, because we all have it

The whoel ending and ascension talk is specifically about accepting that there is dark in you. But its not all there is

Like idk the first game does make it a bit ambiguous but the second one is pretty clear in pointing out their love and active effort to make it work, which is honestly more than you can say about a lot of couples

[narwhalandchill]

(just my 2.3 pull / general hsr rambles/rant but i get negative abt fireflys characterization again so thought id hide it for all the fans sake. good for yall & good luck pulling her i just cant get into her)

welp got my e1 gallagher (+ e2 mika) in 30 pulls on firefly so thats it from me, ill get e2 from the character selector so at least thats sth!!! i have been playing him a bit even at e0 and i do overall like how he feels so getting him to that e2 breakpoint where he rly starts to thrive as a sustain pick is v nice

anyway no early firefly which is whatever i consider her in game writing an absolute failure anyway and havent cared enough to watch Any of the trailer stuff either bc like . they lost me in 2.0 im sorry girl no matter how hypothetically good those trailers could be the writing team lost me forever at the ayaka-teppei forced date arc and thats it lmao . she couldve been an actual character but oh well what matters is shoving how cute and perfect and sad and in love with TB she is down ur throat at every fucking moment . her idle animation is so fucking bad too it made me laugh irl at how awful and cheap the fanservice is w her like yeah alright navia idle (which is already the worst idle in genshin i hate it) 💀💀💀 how do you do a characters potential this fucking dirty holy shit . we havent shilled firefly self insert ship to players enough so lets upskirt her too uwu!!!!!

But uhhh yeah thats a me being a hater thing ultimately i just physically cannot stand characters like this and first impressions do matter . Dont let me ruin her for u. nothing but props to her VA too like as much as her general characterizations appeal has been unsuccessful on me still shes been giving it the Absolute most to try to make her feel real and sympathetic and i respect that a lot

Still tho only thing that rly sucks w not just getting firefly at 4 pity or whatever and being done w it is just the. Welp Guess ill proceed to be unable to full clear any of the next 7 AS or MoC updates bc i pulled the wrong characters instead of Good Meta Dev Faves acheron and firefly like havent rly been a fan of the way the shilling has been going recently . like i just have rly shit matchups into the weaknesses of most stages these days and idk i havent even felt like Bothering to do PF 4 bc i just. DoT PF is always the fucking worst and i genuinely dont know what the hell to try to slap at it for a clear. guess my bad for not pulling swan either like truly my mistake . whatever its just a game .

Actually am i getting like burnt out ? well tracks for a honkai game i suppose. ig it also has to do w just the absolutely abysmal luck ive had now like. ive lost LC 75-25 of the 3 times i went for it TWICE . ive lost 50-50 like 5 times in a row now lmao and fully expect to lose on jade too at this point 🙃 might not even manage to get her at all . Sigh guess thats gacha at its worst for u

Sorry this got way more negative than i thought HSJSKSKSKSKSKD i hope the 2.3 story ends up being good at least so theres Sth good about it . and its not like i will die not clearing endgame content w full stars or sth it just sucks bc the way its happening just feels bad

edit: yeah im @ coffee break at work and it took me this fucking long to realize i just casually typed mika instead of misha JSJSTUHTS8J5Z9 💀💀💀💀 im so sorry misha youre way better than that nerd 😭😭😭😭😭 esp at c2 w the def shred i might even build him who knows . So sorry for this

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi, writing motivation anon! 🩵

i am talking about fanfic, yeah! i dont think all the self help books in the world would help me with original fiction lol its just really frustrating because if i dont force myself, at least a little bit, i will literally never write anything, even though i want to so, so badly. if i dont want to do something nothing in the world can get me to without like immediate and detrimental consequences if i dont do it, even when they're things i do actually want to do? i have so many plots just collecting dust and its killing me not being able to do anything with them, and the thought of giving them away gives me major ick, but i just cant bring myself to actually write a sentence of any of it anymore.

i used to do a lot of partner writing and it is fun but i get a little too distracted to be productive with it, not to mention my social circle is practically non existent at this point. ive done the work on forming good habits and bettering my environment and working on my mental state and while its definitely improved a lot of other parts of my life (which i am not complaining about even though i kind of want to just to do it - taking actual care of yourself, it actually works. who would have thought? crazy), it hasn't penetrated the motivation wall yet.

i think one of my main issues is the perfectionism. i think its mostly subconscious because i dont really realize what im doing until trying to write becomes too frustrating to keep trying. ive never been good at rough drafts and fine tuning and reworking, like if its not to subconscious perfect standards i cant move on until it is or i give up entirely. im not sure how to get over that. its like if its not done right the first try, i immediately feel like its a failure and a worthless endeavor that isn't worth the effort. i think a lot that has to do with other people's perception of my work as well, like its totally fine (not really) for me to have an unfinished doc sitting around that only i can see and wallow over, but if i power through, finish it, and post it than suddenly its out there for so many people to pick apart and see where i, and the fic, am lacking. its scary, i don't know how i used to put myself out there like that before.

sorry this got really long winded really quickly. i wish my yapping capabilities would extend to writing, but unfortunately its a talent only useful in terrorizing fellow humans with walls of words. absolutely tell me to fuck off if im babbling entirely too much for you lol

Hi!!

I completely understand the perfectionism thing. Have you tried writing microfics? Sometimes I find them easier, especially when I’m stuck, because they’re small and less to take on at once, you know?

Sending you all the good writing vibes!

[youremyheaven]

Strange experiences I've had since rahu md started, how do you think Rahu mahadasha is linked with experiences with death (in surroundings or just in general, being more aware and sensitive towards it) ?

Rahu in pushya 10th, ketu and mars in 4th shravana and moon in uttarashada 4th. 8th lord venus in swati 1rst house.

I came across more and more suicide incidents since the beginning of this dasha..I never use to watch news before but now murder and death news are always too sticky to me.

What do you think am I being asked to learn or lean on?

i think nodal transits/dashas etc are very transcendental but difficult experiences. you have to be unnaturally grounded to make gains during this period. having a saturnian nak in rahu helps with stability a little bit because its Saturn's nature to restrict and Rahu's nature is expansion, so Saturn will "chain" Rahu's illusive nature but Rahu is still Rahu so there is only so much chaining and restriction that can take place. idk if any of the placements you mentioned can contribute to being more aware of death during this period. i wonder if you have 8h placements?? or 12h ones??? having 8th lord in 1st can point to increased consciousness of 8th house themes including death, occultism and transformation but i feel like its some other placement tbh

which year were you born in? is this perhaps an 8h or 12h profection year for you?

the inner most circle represents the house and the outer circles represent the age.

during my 12h profection year last year, a friend of mine passed away on her birthday under strange circumstances. it was really weird bc in the months leading up to her death i spoke to her a lot even tho i never did before and i had some truly heart touching moments with her. im a psychic medium irl and im often consulted by others, so her bf who is a good friend of mine insisted that i read for her even though i told him i dont think its a good idea for me to read for friends etc and im usually pretty firm but when he kept insisting, i gave in and i read for her. it was single handedly the strangest experience i had because i felt like i couldnt see her future at all, it was a complete blank. i picked up a lot on her personality and her past which both her and her bf confirmed to be true but she kept insisting on knowing about her future and was vv anxious about it and i absolutely couldnt see anything and that has never happened to me before or since. a few months later i had a dream about her and a few days after that, i wake up to text messages saying she has passed away.

i think the lesson with death is that it can come at any time, so one must not take life for granted. we should give it our all when we have time.

this is highly personal but for me with this experience, my biggest lesson was how kindness is never wasted and how even if you think no one is noticing, people are actually paying attention, so having goodness within and being kind to others goes a long way. this girlie's bf told me (a few months before she passed away) that he really appreciated me complimenting her outfit on Valentine's day bc i made her really happy and apparently nobody else had anything nice to say to her that day. it really doesnt hurt to be nice to others and sometimes we dont get very many chances to be kind either, even small interactions with others, if we can respond with love and kindness, it will make a big difference because you never know what the other person is going through or where life is going to take either of you.

what you learn from these experiences is up to you and how it makes you feel. death to me is always a reminder to be more kind and loving. the regrets that sting me the most have been my failures to be kind (i was a kid but still)