#autism & adhd can be passed down through parents

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Life in an Autism World

[kiragecko]

People often talk about autism and ADHD ‘starting in childhood’.

These conditions are DIAGNOSABLE in childhood. I don’t know what the current research is saying, but it’s pretty obvious to me that they’re present from birth.

I’ve been surrounded by kids and neurodivergent people all my life, but people who weren’t, might not have had the chance to make these observations. So here’s some things that I’ve noticed in babies (often before 6 months) who turned out to, yup, be neurodivergent:

Wants to be swaddled at all times, as tightly as the parent can. Prefers double swaddling so a hand can’t accidentally escape (ie. loves deep pressure)

Only wants to be touched when nursing. Otherwise, touch is stressful (ie. hyper stimulation)

Happily sleeps 8 hours a night from a young age with no need for parental soothing. Soothes quicker by watching a mobile than through cuddles (ie. probably a mix of stimming, impaired social awareness, and hyper stimulation?)

Zero anxiety or awareness of strangers, can be passed around the room for two hours without care (ie. impaired social skills and face-blindness)

Ignores funny faces and smiles (ie. discomfort with eye contact)

HATES touching different textures (carpets, grass, different types of flooring) (ie. hypersensitivity again)

Will not interact with anything in a new space until they’ve had 15-20 minutes to observe silently (ie. difficulty with transition)

Will not play with a toy until an adult has shown the ‘proper’ way (ie. no clue the term, maybe lack of neurotypical imagination?, but this is SO AUTISTIC)

Will only show interest in toys that are a colourful set that can be lined up/organized (ie. “repetitive play” - I hate this term so much!)

Water and mobiles are fascinating to most babies, but these guys might scream when they have to stop and won’t calm down (ie. stimming)

-

I was suspicious that my eldest was neurodivergent by 4 months - surely no normal baby was that uninterested in social interaction? I was sure by 9, when he cried any time we tried to get him to stand on the door mat to put his shoes on.

Anyways, this idea that you can ‘get autism’ seems pretty ridiculous to me. I think people are just bad at SEEING autism and ADHD before the kid becomes difficult.

-

Ps. @audreycritter do you have any others? I know some of your kids have different neurodivergencies, but I remember your experiences being very relatable.

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Ah thank you for praising my thinking skills. As a African American with autism and adhd. People like me make leftists minds break because I lack a victim complex.

Also I inherited my parent’s passion for knowledge and I got a good old punch of reality when my mom died what I was nine and the clusterfuck of a messy life until I was 13(still recovering)

But I watched a doc for the titanic 110th anniversary sinking. Even the rich survivors were heavily effected by it.

And why I still have critical thinking skills, when I started to notice that society was making excuses and justifying women like my abusive stepmom after I was able to leave the house at 13….my cynicism dial up to 11 and never went down.

I'm really sorry about your mom and about everything you went through after she passed. I'm glad there's at least some silver lining in your ability to question things and apply critical thinking to things too many people take as fact. Hopefully we can get to a point where it doesn't take traumatic life experiences to get people to be able to think and reason again.

[steakout-05]

my new and improved Barry Steakfries autism headcanons :D

Barry is the type of autistic who actively seeks out sensory input and loves to talk to people! he does this by blasting rock music through his whole house, flying really high in the sky on his jetpack and feeling the wind on his face, causing loud and destructive explosions, listening to the whirring of his MGJP, going out for drinks with a lot of friends including Craig and watching action movies with a lot of carnage. most of these get him in serious trouble with the law, but they can't catch him because he has a jetpack and they don't >:)

he's the type of guy to listen to death metal screaming to feel Delightfully Whelmed and sit there calmly on the floor like it's nothing

Barry's main stim is ripping his shirt sleeves, usually as an expression of super strong emotions (excitement, rage, fear. etc) or to combat his tactile sensory issues. he also bounces his knee and clenches his fists when he's bored or nervous.

most of Barry's sensory issues are tactile, like the way certain (and by certain i mean most) types of sleeves feel on his arms. they can make his arms feel scratchy and tight, which can get worse if they're wet and just hang onto his skin. he's a lot more comfortable wearing loose soft sleeves or wearing them when it's cold. a lot of people have asked Barry why he doesn't just wear tank tops if he hates the feeling of sleeves, to which he says that ripping them off is way more satisfying and fun, like he's killing the bad sensory feeling itself by tearing it off him.

Barry mentions in one of the episodes of his vlog that his shirt ripping stim was passed down through generation to generation and that his dad rips his sleeves as well. my headcanon is that this is generational autism and their children learning their parents' stims! (Barry also mentions that the only generation that didn't rip their sleeves was in the medieval generation when they wore chainmail which i think in this context is really interesting!)

Barry isn't very good with emotional regulation. he can get frustrated, impatient and angry really quickly, which we see a lot of in the 'Rainbow Barry' short. he also struggles with executive functioning and frequently forgets or struggles to do tasks he finds boring, misplaces things, procrastinates a lot, struggles with impulsiveness and planning.

Barry also has inattentive type ADHD (otherwise known as ADD) which he shows traits of in the 'Rainbow Barry' short as well.

he picks up a lot of catchphrases and personality traits from his favourite action movies!

i mentioned before that Barry loves to talk to people, but he struggles with quite a few social skills. he forgets people's boundaries, has trouble controlling his volume, accidentally interrupts people, can come off as scary sometimes and forgets what the conversation was about. a lot of other people don't really like him because they think he's just being rude and self-centred and he's never really understood why. Craig understand though, and that's why they love each other :)

his special interests are jetpacks, action movies, his dad's record collection and dogs! he may not be an expert but he loves them :)

Barry has no idea he's autistic and thinks he instead has a disease that makes him rip his sleeves because no one's ever told him and he doesn't remember getting diagnosed.

[multidimensionalsock]

I am 21, I turn 22 in less than a month, the day I graduated university I got a call telling me I got my first job as a junior software tester, a role I'm told others are struggling to get a job in, and I took as a second option because I couldn't get into software development quick enough.

I have savings I afforded top surgery at 21, I managed to afford private ADHD care in university and got on hormones privately. My parents paid money to me every month to help me through university. For my entire childhood I never worried about whether we could heat our house, I never had my parents become unemployed. If I wanted to I could afford to move out, my dad doesn't charge me rent and my grandparents don't either. When they die I will inherit the same percentage of their estate as their other sons.

I grew up in a first world country, my grandparents, and great grandparents were middle class and gave me all the resources, and love, they could to help me succeed. They took me on holidays, and to museums, and bought me clothes and computers for school. They allowed me to pursue what I wanted. They allow me to do what I want even if they disagree with me because it's my life.

I am lucky, I admit.

My parents had me at 20, they had only known each other 10 months when I was born. I spent my childhood being bullied, even teachers thought I was weird, I had no friends until high school, people didn't want to be seen with me. I was assessed for ASD three times in primary school but because I was female, shy and got good grades they did nothing about it. All of the schools i went to were failing, my city is poor, it was dead by the time I was born and all it has is a fading history of a once industrial past, there's no jobs here.

My mother had an affair, and left me with my dad who I didn't know well, and I was emotionally abused and neglected through most of my teen years. My father tried to kill himself multiple times, I had my grandparents phone number memorised because he would disappear, I was 10. We had no money, we were left in tens of thousands of pounds of debt, I lived on super noodles and skipped meals because I'd never been taught how to make them.

I was scared to walk around my house, my dad was domestically abused by his wife. I'm still scared to use shared spaces, I still notice the behaviours I inherited to protect myself, even for memories I no longer have. I was passed around houses for years, everyone but my grandparents thought I was weird. My nan is the only reason I am alive.

I saved all of my birthday and Christmas money because my parents left me no savings, I was paid my child maintenance payments from 16-18 because my parents didn't trust each other, but neither wanted me either, I poured it all into savings and cut down on eating.

When I went to university I had to stay in my home city because I would have struggled without family support. Because I didn't want to have to drop out. I was diagnosed with ADHD and suspected autism the day before I turned 20 and I threw all my savings at it because it was the only way I could stop myself dropping out.

I was diagnosed with moderate to severe OCD at 20. I lived in a house that was freezing, I thought my family would kick me out because I was trans. My dad didn't talk to me for a year and wouldn't look at me. My dad told me he hated me as a child for being autistic.

My mother left with my only siblings to the other end of the world and barely contacts me. We will never be close again, and my siblings will barely know me. My brother was almost stabbed a few weeks ago and there's nothing I can do and no way to be there for him.

We are the same person. We will always be the same person.

People think I am naïve because I am young. The man who is training alongside me is 13 years my senior and it's clear he thinks of himself that way. He has laughed at me because my view of the world is too idealistic, that he too has it at his first job, that work is just for money. That my want to learn on the job is dumb, and I am the ideal but not the norm, that companies do not value me because learning is not cohesive with making more money.

There is a belief, that because I am 21, I do not believe how hard the world is, and that is why I can believe that humans want to help others. That I do not understand bills, or wanting to protect others, I am too much of a child, I do not have the experience. I can be positive about the world, idealistic, childish, because I have not yet experienced it to know.

I do not agree, I have watched my life and others collapse around me too many times, my biggest aim in life is to be stable and comfortable, to not end up like my parents, to buy a house because all I want is to feel safe and like I won't be passed onto the next place.

I am not naïve. I am not unrealistic. I am not a child because I sometimes act childish and my want to make the world better, does not equal a lack of acceptance or understanding that the world is hard. I am not a child, because I am autistic or because I stim or because I sometimes need help with stuff others don't. I believe what I do, because the world is hard, I believe it in spite of it, I do not believe it, because I know no better.

I want to hold onto these parts of me, because I love them. Because I think there is power, in this positivity, that I can hold after all of it. At 17 I decided I wanted to live, that I wanted to keep getting up, that I wanted to try to create the life my younger self would have wanted and plan how to get there. If people find it laughable, then they don't know me.

[ihavenowheretosharethis]

[20240713]

Yesterday i was talking to my mom and the conversation (i asked) led to her telling me that she found me stubborn. That i only liked to hear what i wanted to hear and that i refused to see the actual truth of things. She told me that i lacked ambition.

For context she was mostly referring to my work situation. I am currently a freelance artist. I'm 22, i rarely get Jobs (mainly cause i just started) but the speed is slowly picking up. I live with my parents, which is incredibly normal in our country. (Ppl aren't really expected to leave their parents' house unless they're getting married or getting a job in a different city.) but the main issue ig is that i refuse to work a 9 to 5.

I got my degree 2 years ago in graphic design. I've been through internships and in my country most of the 9 to 5 design jobs are hell. They overwork the shit out of you and underpay you. And i don't really see the point as i can get in 2 days what ppl struggle for in a month. I also hate how commercial the work tends to be. I want to design for or subjects i love, do something I'm actually passionate about. Not soulless PowerPoints projects and Logos.

The other thing is i have ADHD and while I'm not officially diagnosed I'm pretty sure i have autism as well ? It's another reason why i cannot stand a 9 to 5, it's incredibly overwhelming. I don't think i can work for other people. I even tried going part time but by the time a month passed i was already over it. I think it's because working in office jobs requires lots of masking. And I honestly can't focus on something for the entire day. I can't sit in front of a laptop working on one thing for 8 hours.

But I can't explain all this to my mom. She wouldn't get it. She doesn't believe in adhd and she has a stereotypical view of autism.

I want to work in freelance. I want to build my own projects, have my own website and sell my own art. I want to be independent and self sufficient. It's not like I don't want to work i really really really fucking do. It's just i wanna work in things i love. I want to build myself a life where i can actually live instead of just surviving. A life that i will actually enjoy.

But I also don't really know where to start. Or maybe I'm just scared to because it would require me to put myself out there so much and that honestly terrifies me a little bit, especially as a queer Neurodivergent person living in the kind of country i live in.

Her telling me i lack ambition and that i can't see the truth of things is so ironic because I'm out here shooting for the stars.

I shut her down every time she starts talking to me about work because she likes to go on a tangent about how I've wasted the past 2 years of my life. Because she tries to push me for something I can't do and I don't need to hear that shit. I don't need to hear how I'm not living up to her standards. I know that I'm lucky i can work freelance because my dad can afford to pay for everything else. I know that tomorrow they could die or something could happen and I'd have to get my shit together. I know that time passes super fast, that money is important, that what i want might be too idealistic yadda yadda yadda.

I didn't waste the past 2 years of my life. Those past 2 years were so beneficial to my mental health. I learned so fucking much and it improved me as a person in a way a 9 to 5 never would have. If I hadn't taken those 2 years i would've never met the people i did meet nor gotten the really amazing opportunities i did get.

It's so stupid to say that I've wasted the past 2 years just because I'm not living up to your typical societal expectations. I knew what i was getting into the moment i chose this career. It's not easy, but I didn't choose it because it was easy. I will fucking get there at some point but stop expecting me to do it overnight.

[ask-the-artist-lily]

{INFO ABOUT THE CHARACTERS}

· · ─────── ·♡· ─────── · ·

Lily Willson

{Personilty}

Lily is an artist who sees the world in her own social way that she would express it with her art. She is a sweet and kind hearted persona in general yet tend to be oblivious and reckless at time. She dose not have the best social skills or cues so her ways to interact with other may be unique.

{Story}

->Read Here<-

{Traits}

WIP

{Facts}

Lily has Prosopagnosia (aka face blindness) so she tend to draw portraits of ppl she met to remember how they look like yet she is able to remember in certain level the faces of those who close to her such as her brother

She shit her mom and killed her :)

Kinda has a bad sense of direction and can get lost easily

Poor memory

Her right eye is blind

Self neglecting, she tend to forget to eat/drink/sleep and most of the basic things she has to do to survive in a daily routine but no worries her brother is here to help her remember and she recently try her best to remember to do them!

She has insomnia due to night terrors but starting to recover and actually get good amount of sleep — Yippee!

She has both ADHD and Autism… baby.. hold gently🥺/j

Idk why but this girl can just go against the law of nature so uhh~ don’t get surprised if she broke the fourth wall, k?!👍

Her love language is physical affection 🫶

She has a whole art studio in the manor somehow where she spend her time there the most!

She has a lot of stocking collection with multiple colours and patterns!

Even tho she do wear hair metal rings accessories I may not draw them as often so just imagine her sometimes she wear them sometimes not

She keeps a sketchbook with her when going outside to draw whatever and whoever she lay eyes upon and may draw you a lil gift while at it

For some reason she sometimes like to have ppl draw on her sketch book to get to know them better and also study their personality through their art style while talking to them

She to this day keeps all the painted estra eggs Rosalyn had given her💕

She likes to draw on anything and anyone and especially on her brother lol

Has a gun :D!

So child like when around her brother

· · ─────── ·♡· ─────── · ·

Gabriel Willson

{Personality}

Despite appearing as strict and cold at first, when talking to him you would immediately realise he is such a caring person who is calm and collected and with a strong mother like nature towards everyone and especially his little sister. He tend to be more down to earth and logical yet he would not mind to mess around as well when he feel like it and only around those who he is comfortable with… He may get a bit too worried and paranoid at times tho~

{Story}

->READ HERE<-

{Traits}

WIP

{Facts}

About his Grandmother, the way she passed away is because she got a heart attack while trying her best to stop Gabriel’s biological father from harming him in which left Gabriel with a lot of guilt about it.

Due to his Parents abuse and how they used to hit him with a stick a lot behind his legs, there is some scars on his legs, not so noticeable now but if you take a closer look you can see them.

Despite everything, Gabriel dose not truly hate his parents yet he also dose not like them and of course would not forgive them for what they put himself through but he understands they also victims much like him and grew up in a strict household when they were young but sadly they ended up becoming much like their abuser. Even tho he still sometimes wonder if he should contact them after so long even after he faked his own death…

Gabriel holds a lot of guilt even when a lot of them were never his fault, he always feel as the oldest he should be responsible for a lot of things and when something bad happen he would assume is because he wasn’t strong or responsible enough.

His left eye had been removed all together so he doesn’t have any eye under his eyepatch but.

He has an eye glass that he sometimes wears but not too often and honestly he kinda forgot about it.

Has autism too (yay autism siblings!)

Would train a lot out in the garden

His top scars look like wings :D! (Also I know mostly that top surgery was not a thing back in 18th but I kinda forgot and tbh who care? Let my boy have top surgery!)

He let Lily draw over his top scars and overall all of his body while he do the same to her at time as a way to bond together in a silly way

The mother of the group honestly, among all my OCs he is the one who make sure they all stay in line and not get themselves in trouble.

Really likes cute thing and may get cute aggression but would not show it when people are around lol

He stop being religious after he started his new life and even tho he no longer Christian he still believe there is a god out there so he is agnostic despite all the religious trauma he went through.

Really care and love kids

Aside from fencing his hubby tend to go from cooking to writing poems

He has a really good singing voice that he used to be the lead in the choir in the church

Can be a bit of a teaser~

His Love language is throwing actions and physical affection.

Quite flexible

He kinda knows how to draw a little bit thanks to Lily but still not the best out there

Wouldn’t hesitate to kick your ass if you are a threat to him or his sister 🫶

Has a one of those “pick a god and pray” stares lol

Idk why but there is this joke me and Joe has about “The Gabriel Rizz” and I feel like mentioning it lol

[astropithecus]

Even getting a diagnosis is a 20-page questionnaire. And not just for you, you also have to administer 20-page questionnaires to someone who lives with you currently, and someone who lived with you as a child. Besides being absurdly intrusive, that is like intentionally designing a process to be hostile towards the people that need it. So I've prepared this guide to help:

Step 1) Overcome the enormous hurdle that is telling a doctor "I think I have an issue that I've tried to hide from people my entire life because of the stigma that it's not a real issue or I'm just lazy"

2) Maintain interest and resolve for the 3-5 days it takes for your stack of paperwork to be delivered to you by mail (yes, mail - no, they can't email it)

3) Inform two more people - this time people you may have complicated relationships with like parents or adult siblings, that may or may not be supportive of you - that you think you've always had this problem but it's the one problem you can't get help for unless they fill out a questionnaire.

4) Coordinate giving them a physical stack of paper. This is a low bar for the person you live with - leave it on the nearest flat surface, when they ask what it is, say "yours, I assigned you homework" (try it, your roommate or significant other will love it). If the people that knew you as a child all live hundreds of miles away, however, now you need a stamp. And a manila envelope because the stack of paper is too big to fold. I haven't had manila envelopes in the house since the aughts. If the stack of paper is too big to fold, does that mean you need more stamps? Google "weight limit stamp". How many pages are in an ounce? It probably depends on the thickness of the paper. What weight paper is an ADHD questionnaire printed on? Do we have a kitchen scale?

5) Decide the U.S. Postal Service isn't the right choice for you, carve out a whole afternoon to call your dad and ask him questions that basically come down to "when I was a kid, did you ever think I was really terrible at everyday things other people do with no problem?" while you write his answers on 24-weight bond paper (you're a paper expert now). Bonus points for keeping him on task and making it through the whole questionnaire if your dad is autistic like mine is - there's a genetic link between autism and ADHD (Ghirardi et al., 2018) so it's not as unlikely as you might think.

6) You still have to fill out your 20 pages, you forgot.

6) Collect together the 60-page sworn deposition about what a broken human being you are and leave it in a stack in a conspicuous place for a week or more because you still don't have a manila envelope. You should probably put something heavy on top.

7) After you've waited the requisite 7 days for your stationery-related executive dysfunction to pass, get frustrated, pound ~500 mg of caffeine, take the naked stack of paper to the post office, mail it back in a flat rate box because it's never going to get done otherwise.

8) Maintain interest and resolve for the roughly 3-5 days it should take for your stack of paperwork to be delivered to the doctor's office, and then remember to call them to see if they got it (no, they can't just email you when they get it).

9) Hooray, now you can get an appointment with a different doctor that can actually give you a diagnosis. That's right, this isn't the process to get diagnosed, this is the process just to even talk to someone that can diagnose you. You have to talk to them in person, even if it's during a globally unprecedented pandemic, so don't forget you have an appointment, and maintain focus and resolve for the 2-3 weeks it takes for them to see you. Note: When you go to this appointment, despite the 60 pages of sworn testimony you mailed back in a flat rate box, they still think you're lying. Probably because nobody ever actually manages to complete the whole thing.

10) After the required amount of grovelling they'll let you play a computer game where you click a box over and over. Note: they will not think it's funny if you refer to it as a game, it is the Conners' CPT 3rd Edition test and it is a very serious clinical evaluation tool. They also will not think it's funny if you point out it looks like something you made in Visual Basic when you were 12. They probably also wouldn't think it was funny if you brought up the fact that Conners' CPT 3rd Edition scores are "are not accurate performance validity tests among adults undergoing clinical evaluation for ADHD" (Scimeca et al., 2021). If you're bad enough at the computer game, you'll receive the coveted Clinical Diagnosis™. They're still not going to do anything to treat it, but you're now worthy to speak to another doctor that might.

11) Note: He's an asshole.

12) There's two step 6s

References:

Ghirardi, L., Brikell, I., Kuja-Halkola, R. et al. The familial co-aggregation of ASD and ADHD: a register-based cohort study. Mol Psychiatry 23, 257–262 (2018). https://doi.org/10.1038/mp.2017.17

Scimeca, L. M., Holbrook, L., Rhoads, T., Cerny, B. M., Jennette, K. J., Resch, Z. J., Obolsky, M. A., Ovsiew, G. P., & Soble, J. R. (2021). Examining Conners Continuous Performance Test-3 (CPT-3) Embedded Performance Validity Indicators in an Adult Clinical Sample Referred for ADHD Evaluation. Developmental neuropsychology, 46(5), 347–359. https://doi.org/10.1080/87565641.2021.1951270

[unreadpoppy]

My dad, a few months ago, when he read what the doctor wrote about me being autistic and ADHD: if we go by this than everyone in this house is that too (he said in a dismissive tone)

Me, who had said before one of the causes for autism/ADHD is genetics: don’t you say? I had to get it from somewhere, after all.

My dad: *does not get it and moves on*

Cut to us, many months later, watching Extraordinary Attorney Woo

*scene where we see Woo’s mother in the store, organizing some clothes, and then Woo does the same thing*

My dad: interesting, they’re doing the same thing… is autism genetic?

Me: I mean kinda yeah, it can be passed down through generations. If one child is autistic, their siblings and parents might be as well.

My dad, finally getting it: oh

[meadowsystem]

I hurt. TW

I'm so mad and I just wish life wasn't so hard.

Truthfully I feel like I'm watching myself like a ghost lurking behind my body's every move. The unsettling horror as you know your at home, but when you wake up you feel as if your someplace else. Horrified by how you feel but also knowing the facts and things aren't adding up. The bight sunny room I woke up to wasn't sunny to me. But they told me it was just me and that the sun was out and it's beautiful outside. I honestly don't remember it this way. To me it looked like a filter where the edges we darkend, a filter one would use on snap chat. But this wasn't a sexy picture.

This morning I woke up and thought I must be in a dream because it has been wave after wave of being held down. I couldn't breathe. my biggest fear. After having someone to clarify some pieces, I infact was not dreaming and my life horrors are very real.

I'm doing the best I can but I feel like I've run in the wrong direction. Others tell me how good I'm doing but I don't see it. They see me fighting discrimination with cases and consistent open communication.

My communication has gotten better. I have enforced boundaries to keep myself safe. I begged those to be honest with me, as I cried. How have I gotten better but feel as if this life isn't worth it to me. I'm doing it but it doesn't feel any better.

Panic sets in

The world isn't safe for me. I carry this weight and still have a broken heart for everyone else going through darkness of their own.

Alone I stand

My life is breaking all around me. Fighting to know why I hurt so deeply for things that affect others. I don't fight for myself, I fight for others.

Begging anyone to tell me how to fix it.

We weren't prepared for being an adult in school. Who do I turn to? Who can help me?

I'm in chronic pain. The doctor thinks it's not so bad. Take a Tylenol.

I do have pain, there are days my body hurts so badly I pass out. Times my body has failed me leaving me stuck on the ground, mentally spinning ... later diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. My pain is real! My chronic pain often sitting at a 4/10.

All of the times I was told it isn't so bad, it's growing pains, your too sensitive, your too young to be in pain.

But of course that cannot be all ... since I'm not spicy enough.

The position I am in this country is not allowing for me to be better.

DID, PTSD, BPD, CVS, IBS, GAD, agoraphobia, Severe depression with extreme depressive episodes, Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Soliosis, Autism, ADHD, Severe asthma, Bulimia, Binge eating disorder, more then likely EDS and who knows what else or if I have forgotten... add symptoms of disorders and side effects of medications.

Finally at this point trying to cope with all these disadvantages in a world like we have today.

This world of restrictions is incredibly ablesit. Getting fired for being sick to often, but I cannot get the help I need as I don't have medical coverage or financial stability.

I ask my parents why they brought me into this world.

"We wanted to have you, no matter how you came. We love you sweetheart."

Thinking about how I said to my therapist I wish I was aborted.

I grieve in my home alone for the system lied and failed me.

People can be incredibly horrible. The lies told in school have sheltered me while young, but when you grow up your told to figure it out. But who can I ask for help? How do I navigate how to survive?

I ask my parents, who do I talk to? Who can help me in this world where these disadvantages of mine prevent me from being able to work. The lack of work preventing me from having financial stability. The lack of financial ability to pay for the proper healing. The lack of financial ability for medical insurance. If only I could have the help I need to heal and cope in this world today.

Who do I talk to? How do I navigate these struggles?

My parents reply "I don't know".

What a slap in the face. You wanted me no matter how I came, but you were unable to care for me. My health on the decline.

How can I survive? Unable to work, but also unable to get the needed help to get back to work. My parents remind me of all the money they spent helping me. But I didn't ask for this, I had no choice.

Others in my family say at least your parents have helped you...

Mom, dad, I'm in debt. I have been placing my $500+ monthly medical needs on my credit card.

My doctor said to take 4 months off then we would have it controlled enough to work... it's been almost 4 years now.

Still fighting

But momma said "I love you, God only puts you through trials you can handle. It's all for a reason."

If he loved me why would he test me, watch me in pain and struggle with no life raft in this world who is at war.

Bang

Silence. Carry everything you can. Drag it if you have to. Accomodations are only given to the financially blessed.

War

Quietly strangling the weak in their sleep. Only the strong will survive. Strength alone isnt enough. But money can buy all that is needed to win this war.

Bodies pile up, king of the hill becomes reality.

But how could you? How could stand so tall when others are being crushed below?

Others stand with the king. If they are worthy the king will give you all you need. But worthy stops when you are poor, disabled... different.

This isn't the life we were told. Growing up learning of our great country.

Your obligated to be here for those who love you ... but there is this lump in my throat feeling that just won't go away...

Why am I being told love is pain and that's okay because it's what you make of it.

I didn't make this life for me. I was just born into it.

[lazydoodlesandfanfic]

Lmfao dont worry I got that too. If I cant see it, it's not there. 😂

Oh. Great. We love that. So helpful.. It's really frustrating to think how much more support you could have gotten. My mum works in early years SEN; shes a teacher for preschool age and SEN has always been her speciality anyway, so she is the manager of all things to do with that at her work, and it's amazing (in the worst possible way) how many parents just refuse to have their children assessed because they think it's something to be embarrassed about. It's like an actual fight my mum has to have with these parents to just sign the documents or just go to the appointment or whatever, so that the children can get the support they need and parents dont ever want it because autism and adhd isnt something they want to be associated with. They either outright make up excuses (most popular ones being about how the child is fine at home) or they say they'll do whatever it is my mum needs to get their referrals going and then they dont turn up/dont do it.

I think I was about 7 or 8 when it was first pointed out for me. My year 3 teacher told my mum she thought I might be autistic. But nothing ever came of it because my mum didnt have any clue as to any of that at that point. She didnt get into her current field of study until I was about 13. And even the therapist I saw at 12 didnt pick up on anything. So it ended up being the summer after my GCSEs that I finally got diagnosed. So the support in my GCSEs would have been amazing but I just didnt get it.

Yeah I sort of had a familiar expierience. My Year 5/6 teacher had expierience with autistic kids and my mum's boyfriend at the time had an autistic son and they both told her "Hey, that one's probably autistic, get her tested" so I got tested when I was 10, and I don't really remember the test itself, I just remember the woman coming to the house and doing a few things with me and talking with me with my mum in and out of the room, but it ended with her sitting my mum down and basically going "Alright, what support and benefits would you like?" Which is... telling.

My mum told her that if I needed help going into secondary school she'd get me it, but that never happened. I didn't know I could ask for help because I wasn't informed of my autism, and actually I did ask for help about my mental health once to her and she basically told me I was fine and nothing was wrong and I was making it up so I didn't ask for help again. Not long after I found out what autism was (thanks to Markiplier playing To The Moon and I plan to get a tattoo related to this since it played such a big role with who I am today), started doing my own research, and on at two occasions, confronted my mum about my suspicion and the test, and I asked her "What was my diagnosis" and she refused to give me a straight answer, being really wish-washy so I couldn't decipher if I was diagnosed or not. After 11 years of all this, doubting myself despite having autistic friends tell me to my face "Your definitely autistic" and feeling like I didn't fit in no matter what in school which really did a number on my mental health, she finally, in a passing comment, not even to me, acknowledged that I was on the spectrum.

It should never have come to that, or taken that long. I shouldn't have had to go through that. Not getting a child tested despite people who know what they're talking about telling you to, and/or hiding, lying and concealing their diagnosis and denying them help, is shitty parenting, and honestly, I don't think I will ever forgive my mum for putting me through that.

[tallys-train-blog]

Can I please have some headcanons on The Star Tugs? (And maybe also the Z-Stacks if you want to)

Since you didn't really specify what you wanted i figured I delve into their personal lives a little.

⚠️Warnings⚠️ talks of mental illness and disabilities

Btw any talk of anxiety, autism, PTSD ect are from my personal experiences with it and how I interpret characters and the way they act bc of my past.

Star Fleet

Tencents

Tencents has always struggled with anger issues since he was little.

He wouldn't hurt people but he had issues with a short temper and short patience which would result in him throwing wooden blocks when he was little and snapping and kicking pieces of Wood around the port now and punching walls and wood slabs.

He punched the side of his boat once, dented the damn thing and almost shattered his hand. Hercules wrapped his hands to stop the bleeding and had a very long discussion about anger management with TenCents after.

Tencents also has partial paralysis in his right arm and hand after the munitions accident but it isn't horrible. Only when it flairs up under anxiety or anger.

Also struggles with anxiety and slight PTSD after the Munitions accident.

Big Mac

Also suffers from Anger issues but to a higher extreme than TenCents.

But Big Mac also has had more time to get control of the anger issues.

Tends to take his anger out by cussing in his native language

Oj

Struggles with anxiety, and slight PTSD from almost being scrapped a few times

Has gotten help for both of the conditions and has learned to help himself calm down when things get bad.

Likes to paint or bake to help himself calm down and always ends up giving someone something.

Tophat

Suffers from Bipolar disorder and probably has abandonment issues.

Bipolar Disorder runs on his dads side of the family which is the side he takes after.

He has abandonment issues because growing up he was always held up to his older brother Hercules achievements and accomplishments and eventually his parents basically stopped paying attention to him.

He doesn't really have a way to calm himself down except for storming away from the situation and moping.

Rarely he has a cigarette to calm down to Hercules' dismay.

Warrior

Suffers from ADD, potentially Autism and a minor case of short term memory loss (stml)

His ADD makes it hard for him to learn and grasp onto things, paired with a learning disability he always struggles with school and learning.

His STML more or less comes through in his inability to remember how to say things and things like forgetting names a lot and how to certain things.

He lives with his brother Big Mac so he doesn't get hurt and in turn Warrior actually watches over Big Mac.

Side note when you get Warrior on a topic he is  passionate about you'll see that cery sweet and charming side come out.

Hercules

Anxiety, Depression, and PTSD

His anxiety stems from his home life as a child. It runs on his moms side of the family and he takes after her. It got worse throughout his early preteen and all throughout his teenage years because he was held up to high standards and felt horrible about how often his parents forgot his little brother (Tophat)

His depression and PTSD stems from seeing his dad almost die and struggle with alcoholism for a while.

His depression and PTSD also stems from being in the navy.

This poor man has been shot a few times and has been caught by fire and fallen off boats into frigid waters. He's lost close friends and seen a lot.

It doesnt bother him all that often as he has gotten help and has learned from OJ but when it flares up the only people that seem to help are his brother and son.

Sunshine

Separation anxiety, and a lisp

Sunshine has gone through a lot and been separated from people he trusts multiple times so when he does warn up he gets attached and it too worried to go to far from his family or friends.

Sunny was born with a slight lisp, he has always had it and never was ashamed of it.

Hercules and Big mac are helping him with his anxieties and he's gotten much better.

Z-stacks

Zorran

Anger issues.

Has always struggled with anger issues and he was brought up in a house where he basically got whatever he wanted and his mom wouldn't discipline him but his dad did.

Hasnt done anything to get help or try and work on anger management and has no real interest in it.

Most likely has other underlying conditions.

Zebedee

Depression and potential OCD

Zebby had a very rough home life, his dad passed when he was young and his mom worked multiple jobs while raising him, his baby brother and baby sister.

His mom raised him to be responsible, respectful, hard working and most importantly loving.

His depression makes the last part a little difficult as he struggles to let his guard down.

His potential OCD shows when he gets upset when he tries to do things on his own or gets very upset when something isn't done exactly how he wants it.

It's not a very severe case which is why it's kind of hard to say if he has it or not but it's there.

Zak

Anger issues

That's it, he's struggled with anger issues since he was a teen.

After being bullied he got involved in a group of bad kids and tampered with drugs and became semi aggressive afterwards.

Zug

there's nothing he really struggles with. He's just kind of a sneaky shit head.

Zip

ADHD

ADHD runs in his family and it's very common in the men in the family so it was expected that he had it.

Zip and his little brother Zaxary were homeless growing up so by the time his ADHD really started to show through they didn't have the chance to diagnose him.

[tim-mcnamara]

Tech is a team sport, let's look out for each other

Last month was tough, this month is tougher and Christmas will be hell.

You're not the only one who is finding it difficult to sleep at the moment. Your team members are working too many hours. Your customers are worried about the effect that the outbreak will have on their kids' education. Their kids are worried about the effect COVID-19 is having on their parents' ability to stay employed.

October 10th was World Mental Health Day. If you haven't taken 2 minutes to watch this short video produced by the WHO, I suggest you do so. It's quite heartening.

Within a COVID-19 outbreak, it's easy to focus on the immediate stressors. But those stressors can actually mask some underlying issues. For the technology industry, we've probably been avoiding mental health issues for too long. Even without the pandemic, members of the tech industry are in a structurally weak position:

The work is desk-bound. That limits opportunities for physical activity, which is a natural aid to mental well-being.

We can also easily work remotely. Consistent isolation means that there are fewer opportunities for our friends and colleagues to check in.

It's easy to slip into a pattern of long hours. Our work is on the computer and phone, which means that can be hard to leave work at work.

Stress

Doom scrolling is called doom scrolling for a reason. Here's a scenario you may be familiar with: your body is on high alert because the 1 pm press conference is due, so you check your phone. Jacinda is late. So you check Facebook, maybe a few other sites. After a few (e.g. 10) minutes, you realise that there's no press conference today. But every time you attempt to put down your phone, you feel something pulling you back to check again. That's your body is demanding a dopamine kick from the next headline.

If you're finding it hard to switch off, remember that it's okay to ask for help. Cortisol and other stress hormones have been swimming through your blood for weeks now. The effects of stress compound over time, so it can pay to be proactive rather than have the situation forced upon you by burnout.

Depression and anxiety

Symptoms of depression and burnout are more subtle than you may think. If your emotions are muted or greyed out - perhaps you don't look forward to something you used to love such as your morning coffee or your favourite show - this might be enough to detect that you're on a slippery slope. Other symptoms include being unable to concentrate, waking up early, and several others that are easy to pass off as something trivial.

Addressing things that feel trivial might actually be a very effective strategy. Just like preventing an infectious disease outbreak, it's much easier to intervene in your mental state at the start when signs and symptoms are relatively small. Waiting until you can't get out of bed in the morning means that your mental state has already affected you and those around you.

Neurodiversity

We're a male-dominated industry that's not known for its general level of emotional intelligence. Although it's a trope, there is some research to back up the decades-long cliché that technology jobs attract those with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) and attention-deficit disorders (ADHD).

Neuro-diversity is not widely understood. It's a fairly new term - I mean my spellchecker doesn't think that it's a real word. I mention it here because many people who are neuro-diverse also have comorbidities with anxiety and depression. They often blame themselves for being unable to be "normal". After years of growing up on the social fringe, they begin to resent themselves. A lack of awareness about neurodiversity means that their differences are only perceived as weaknesses. Yet in truth, neurodiverse individuals are able to excel in many areas that neurotypical individuals find difficult, boring or irrelevant.

[ichayalovesyou]

Hey so from your blog I understand you are neurodivergent? Correct me if I'm wrong. If you are, sometimes I wonder if I have Asperger's Syndrome. When I look back on my childhood there are some questionable aspects that I got over, I think, but with a lot of effort. For example I used to watch the same movie over and over again till I had big chunks of it memorized and I played it in my head when I went to sleep? And I was obsessed with puzzles, I did and redid them many times. And lots of repetitive things. Also I don't know if I was just being sensitive or something, but I always cried at the tiniest disapproval of adults.

I'm sorry if this comes off as stereotypical, but those are things my peers found weird and not actually "normal" and it was pretty hard for me to get over them.

Lol I don't even know where this is going, I guess I'd like to see some insights from a neurodivergent person, because I've never had the chance to interact with one. How did you figure out you were neurodivergent? Can a person on the autism spectrum learn to communicate effectively with other people on their own? (because I think I can do that, but it's not always a pleasure haha).

Feel free not to respond to this, I don't want to bother, but you seem..... Approachable😂. I'm not one of those people who self-diagnose through an internet quiz and try to make themselves appear special....You know the ones. I'm genuinely curious haha. I'm probably fine, it would still be interesting to see your response. Thanks.

I’m going to be perfectly real with you

I do not have an official diagnosis for anything aside from “generalized anxiety” but I only got the chance (until very recently) to get therapy for a year.

But I do feel like there’s a difference between wanting to feel “special” and going into self-diagnosis territory half-cocked. And looking at your life, tallying up the evidence, making an educated guess, and then making an effort on finding out whether or not you’re guess is correct from a professional.

For instance, in my case (I’m about to get into “tragic” backstory stuff just to give a clear picture):

I come from an emotionally abusive situation in which, even when I had teachers, pediatricians or other moms suggest I (at the very least) had ADHD my mother got offended, denied it and insisted I was fine. In fact, the only way in which she has treated my as any sort of neurodivergent is the “generalized anxiety” diagnosis I got from the six months of therapy I got 7 years ago. Even then she uses it as a tool to invalidate my feelings. She never considered it may be a symptom rather than a source until my baby brother got diagnosed with autism.

My family has a loooooong history of autism/adhd and other mental illnesses, all of my siblings and cousins above the age of 3 have one or both, I also wouldn’t be surprised if my father has autism and my mother has ADHD even if they went undiagnosed from the same stigma that kept my mother from getting me help (and only getting my younger sibling help when essentially forced by the school system.)

It was only really when my brother exhibited behaviors and got an autism diagnosis (and my mother and I started reading up on the topic) that I realized just how many of my behaviors were associated with textbook autism. I looked at my baby brother and I saw myself, the biggest difference between us is that I was hyper verbal (talking a bit before 18 months) and he was totally nonverbal until he was almost three (both of which, are symptoms of autism) that I really considered the possibility. Even my mother suggested I may be right, better late then never I guess.

I exhibit many of the exact behaviors you describe that are associated with both adhd and autism, I lined up toys, I drew the same picture on one sheet over and over. I take comfort in compulsively watching movies and shows over and over, I (for lack of a better words) stim sing and use movie quotes and references as eccholalia as stress relievers (especially in new social situations). I cried at the drop of a hat, when I was angry I’d repeatedly hurt myself by banging my head and arms against the myself or walls. I also do the “happy flappy arms” when I’m excited or nervous, I have a special interest in writing and making music (I have a hard time thinking about pretty much anything else). I had lots of trouble socially until about high school and none of my friends are neurotypical (or straight lol). So, I think it’s safe to say that I am either on the spectrum, have ADHD (which exhibits a lot of similar symptoms).

When I found this out, I started treating myself like I had these things instead of beating myself up for being “weird” and my mental health improved significantly. Mind you, it’s still not great because I am not (yet) in therapy and live in an overcrowded, emotionally abusive household, but I am making concerted efforts to remedy both. I’ve got my first therapy session in almost a decade arranged for next week and plan on moving in with another, less crowded, less abusive parent.

The best thing I can suggest is, read up on what you think you may have, look at the symptoms, compare them to you’re own, write it down, write how you feel about it. But more importantly read other people’s experiences with autism and ADHD, while medical professionals can help you get access to diagnosis and (if you need it) medication, sometimes the personal aspects get lost in the machine. At the same time of course be careful who you listen to, there are a lot of organizations and people out there who want to “help” by trying to force us to act “normal”, acting neurotypical does NOT equal living to enjoying your life to its fullest potential. On the flipside there of course people out there with and without diagnosis that will promote unhealthy thinking patterns and coping mechanisms, you’ve got to think critically and decide what is best for you.

Not all of us can get therapy, not all of us will get diagnosed even if we do, especially if you’re AFAB and have autism, or if you’re “well behaved” (ie pass as neurotypical) we slip through the cracks all the time. Try to get therapy anyway, a diagnosis can be really helpful (but in the case of autism it can also be detrimental because of the sheer amount of ableism around it, again, read other people’s experiences).

It’s okay to act on the idea that something is wrong, you know when something isn’t right with you, not even your parents can define that for you (I learned that the hard way). As long as you don’t wallow in it, operating under the assumption you have autism and/or adhd, using the tried and true coping mechanisms, being gentle with yourself, can be very, very helpful.

Hope this helped <3 💚🖖🏻💚

[hellyeahtrickster]

It occurs to me that I have friends here that I don't have contact with in other spheres, so ... life update: my mother passed away unexpectedly last Friday. I'm doing as well as one would expect. Been going through her things as both a walk down memory lane and a goodbye. I keep coming across things she never got around to using, and it hits hard that now, she'll never have the chance. And I can't stop thinking of the stories we watched together that now she won't know the ending to, or shows I wanted to try with her. And then there's all the things we used to do together on the regular -- all the places I can never go with her to again. And all the places we wanted to go to "someday", but now she never will.

We were two weeks out from our second COVID shots, and 4 weeks from being totally vaccinated. We were finally going to get back to EPCOT, to see the Flower and Garden show. Finally going to get back to the Florida Mall. Going out to lunch. That I won't be doing this things with her anymore ... it's unfathomable. I can't wrap my head around it.

Thanks, anti-mask / anti-vaccine Covidiots, for prolonging the presence of this pandemic -- basically stealing the last year of my mother's life. She was anxious to see her elderly mother again, because we don't know how long *she* has left ... and now she never go to see her mother again. I knew losing my mom would happen someday, but my mother was relatively young yet, so I thought it would be a while ....

It doesn't help that she died after the second night on a new bed. See, she slept on her side all the time, what with the couch being narrow, but with a twin mattress, the bed was much wider. She snored a lot -- I highly suspect she had sleep apnea. When I found her the next morning, she was on her BACK. The doctor agreed that her cardiac arrest could have been caused by sleep apnea. In trying to make my mom more comfortable .... Yeah, I know, it's not my fault, but I cannot shake that thought away, that she's not here anymore because we tried to do something nice for her. How cruel the humour of the universe can be.

(I'd put the rest of this behind a cut, but I don't see that option anymore? Sorry!!)

And it REALLY doesn't help that, not only have I lost the person I was closest to, but now I am stuck alone with the person I least want to be with: my dad. I'm pretty liberal, and he's pretty conservative. We fight a LOT. We haven't really since mom died (things got a little tense here and there, but not like we usually are) ... but I know it won't last. It can't -- not when he believes BLM are terrorists, or that gays have an agenda. And now he keeps wanting to do things with me, like watch my shows, and a petulant part of me is like, no, this is mom's territory -- stay out. I don't want to do anything with him. (Especially since I know he'll start ranting once the shows start talking about racism and homophobia.)

My parents always had a volatile relationship. Mom didn't know you could get pregnant the first time, and when she found out she was pregnant, her Catholic family bullied her into marrying him.* And he cheated on her at LEAST once (with a girl who was only a few years older than me at the time -- I was 15, she was 19, he was 33). My mother was far from perfect, so I don't blame all the marital problems on him. But my point is they were married "in name only" for about the last 25 years, so it's ... offensive to me now that he would dare to act bereaved.

I know he can be hella manipulative, make himself seem generous so as to be loved, and then turn on you like a viper, getting irrationally angry. I can't drive, we live in a very rural area with no public trans, there are no friends or fam less than an hour away, I've had next to no job for the last 17 years, I barely feel like a functional human being (am coming to seriously suspect I have ADHD and Dyscalculia; I have diabetes and suspect have PCOS and a thyroid problem; all these things having strong interconnections; and I have no insurance, nor do I qualify for aid, thanks to living in Florida), and I feel utterly trapped. There's a reason Rapunzel is my fave princess. I've had bad experiences with cabs, so using Uber / Lyft kind of terrifies me. Plus, he'd want to know where I'm going, and likely either insist on coming too, or insist I can't go, because his house, his money, his rules. The ONLY time each year I get away is when I go to Dragon Con (and I'm worried he might forbid that in the future -- he has once before).

And then there's the problem of ... he has no one. As much as I can't stand him, he lost his job because of COVID, he's lost his wife, he has no real friends (total homebody), and like it or not, he has supported me financially for so long. Even if someone else were to take me in, or I can get a job and save to leave ... how can I leave him (a person with severe rheumatoid arthritis / in not-great health)? I owe him too damn much, and I feel like it would be entirely callous of me. Yes, I realise that that's the abuse talking, but ... it's also true?

Anyway, I feel like I'm on Sliders, and keep stepping into progressively worse timelines.

* Let me mention that I have long suspected my mother is -- was -- on the autism spectrum, but when I mentioned it to one of her sisters, the sister seemed skeptical, saying that if anything, mom had a penchant for reading out loud, so they thought maybe she had a reading disability, and took her to a specialist, but "that's it". (Mom was in "remedial" classes through high school, so it doesn't sound like they did enough -- and maybe couldn't because the science just wasn't there.) I explained that mom frequently seemed to have trouble grasping concepts, especially humour. Like when a radio ad featured someone reciting a love-letter to a tomato, she was all, "That's stupid -- tomatoes can't read!" Try as I might, I could not get her to understand that the love letter was a playful way to tell US about what makes the tomato so good.)

Anyway, when I talked to my grandmother recently, she said that my mom "always had a special way of looking at things," and that she guessed mom was "what do they call it -- neuro-something? 'Aspie'? High-functioning, but still." And I told my cousin about it, and he said, "Wait, I thought it was common knowledge in our family that your mom was autistic?" (Note: we have other, officially diagnosed family members who are on different areas of the spectrum.) People always commented when I was growing up that it was like my mom's role and mine was reversed -- like I was the parent, and she was the child.

But to think my family had *recognised* that something was up, and left me, a child, to deal with it on my own?? To think they *pressured* someone who was "special" into having a child?

I know my mom loved me, but my whole life, she said she wished I'd never been born, and so she'd never have married my dad -- I know both can be true, that she loved me but wished she'd never had me (she'd have never known what she was missing). She only survived her marriage because I was there; I've always felt she'd have had a better life if she hadn't married him. When she tried to leave him, her mother would not take her in, because divorce was against her mother's Catholic beliefs (never mind that my uncle divorced twice)

I loved my mother, but were fought a lot, and she frequently exasperated me as we struggled to communicate. She frequently left words out, but did not believe that she did; when we met her last PCP the first time, he looked at me and said, "Is she always like this, or is she having a stroke?" And she would always angrily proclaim that I wasn't listening, when most of the time, it's that I couldn't get her to understand that she was working from a misconception or misunderstanding in the first place, because she would focus on ONE THING, to the exclusion of all else.

An example of an exchange (copied from a letter I wrote to a friend): We got into a weird argument yesterday. She had asked me for pain reliever, a glass of tap water (you're supposed to drink a full glass of water with the pills), and a "cold water" from the fridge (it's too cold to drink it all at once, but we both prefer ice water in general). Later, I was picking stuff up from her table-tray, including a bottle of pain reliever, and put a bunch of stuff away. When I passed by again, she asked for more cold water. I happened to look as see that she had the tap water glass still full, even though she had asked tor it half an hour before. I asked if I needed to bring the pain pill bottle back, because she hadn't drunk the tap water yet -- had I taken the pill bottle too soon, or had she forgotten to drink the water? She was all, "no, I said I need COLD water!" I said I knew that, and I would bring it; I was just asking of she had taken her pills already, or if I needed to bring the pill bottle back too. Her (again): "I said I need COLD WATER!" Me: "I know, and I will bring that -- I just want to know why you haven't drunk the tap water yet? Did you take your pills?" Her: "No, I'll take them at bed!" Me: "So I should bring back the pill bottle? Did I put it away too early?" Her: "YOU DON'T LISTEN! I SAID I NEED COLD WATER!" Me: "And I said I will bring that -- I'm just asking if you also need your pain pills?" Her: "You already took the bottle!! Did you forget that already?"

And then I finally spotted the white pain pills on the napkin under the tap-water glass, so I knew that no, I didn't need to bring it. But it's a frequent struggle to figure out how to phrase questions so I get the answer I need -- nearly every time, I get her screaming at me that I don't listen.

She loved me, but she was never mothering. She hated to be touched, so never hugged me; I was pretty touch-starved. I learned to read because she was a very slow reader when reading me stories; I got impatient and learned to do it for myself. She couldn't help me with my homework. She resented having to take me to school recitals and science fairs. She wasn't someone I could get advice from. I admit I was often envious of characters who had physically-loving, compassionate, wise mother-figures (who weren't so binary about morality -- and so weren't always screaming that this or that character should die, no matter how small the transgression).

But I wish she were still here to frustrate me -- that's so much better than not having her at all. And I wish I had been better at keeping my temper.

She was an atheist, and firm in that belief. Maybe she's right, or maybe her firm belief is affecting me, because I would dream frequently about others I have loved and lost, and swear I feel them, but with her ... nothing. Just a gaping hole in the fabric of my waking life, threatening to suck all the light and hope into it.

[myautisticpov]

So, I can’t really speak for other intersections with the wlw community, but I’ve gotta say, I’d find it waaaay more inclusive if people would stop making blanket statements like “all wlw do X” or “Y is a rite of passage for wlw” or “Z is wlw culture” when X, Y and Z are all things that might be commonplace for white, middle-class, cis, able-bodied, neurotypical wlw living in the US, but aren’t necessarily true for the rest of us.

“Falling in love with your best friend” is one that I personally keep seeing and I’m like, I’ve not had a female best friend I’ve let that close since I was 12 and realised that my “best friend” hadn’t invited me to her birthday party because I was the ~~~weird kid~~~.

Or, as it’s otherwise known, I had undiagnosed autism and ADHD and was horrifically and relentlessly bullied by other girls for it.

(Like, I imagine that might sound petty, but no, imagine at Age 12 the one girl you’re close to invites every girl in the class to her birthday except you, and when you realise and ask why, she makes it pretty damn clear that it’s because she thinks you’ll embarrass her. And then take a moment to realise that her parents will have signed off on that.)

I’ve had other friends since then, even close ones, but I never let my guard down enough to even entertain falling in love.

And I can imagine that wlw who have other intersecting identities likely have other blanket statements that make them feel a little bit less like they belong every time they see them.

And I get that this might just be an autistic thing - that I might just be taking it literally when it’s not meant to literally mean every wlw - but you know what? That still makes it inaccessible to autistic wlw, and making us believe that we have to have passed these tests - that might just not have been possible for us to pass - before we can be part of the community.

You can still call it “common”, you can still say that it happened to you, but please just stop with language that suggests that everyone goes through the exact same things. Especially for identities that require questioning to realise you’ve got them. It just muddies the waters.