#awesome textpost

[fancypantszak]



Capitalists, Communists, Socialists, Homosexuals, Transgenders have done these all wrong:

Go to different bathrooms! 1a. You hate when you see a guy in the bathroom, so disgusting!!

Give me 8.5 dollars on the street 2a. Give me more I am poor!!!

Make it hard for me to know what snow cone to buy :( 3a. I don't know where to pick CHERRY 3b. or BLUEBERRY!!!!

Take away my XBOX 4a. Mom I need that to do HOMEWORK

Working hard every single day 5a. Take a break you weirdo…

Press me about my terrible porn addiction 6b. Dude are you kidding me its fine it's literally not that bigga deal 6b. Stop harrassing me about it it doesn't even matter 6c. Dude. stop.

Sell me out of date corn 7a. Come on man, you cannot do this to me

Harry Potter at all 8a. He's just cringe dude

Teach me new ways to learn ninja skills 9a. This one is pretty helpful in case I wanna be a ninja

Rotate my entire body in a giant rotisserie chicken heater 10a. It was just kinda all around a strange experience

Generate all kinds of free diapers 11a. Where did bro get all those diapers 11b. Why do they need to be free??

Create a list dipicting all the different orange types 12a. You don't need to do that because I already know all them

Mattress Sales!! 13a. I don't even need a mattress

Apple merch!! 14a. Apple taste so yummy

Make me a new cloth swimsuit to swim in 15a. I mean… typically you wouldn't use cloth to make a swimsuit 15b. I guess you could if you really wanted to

Go at a red light 16a. It's green the one you go at

Read books in a underground lampshade 17a. Grab me a fruity banana while ur out

Coconut hunting with the pals 18a. We will find these coconuts boys!! 18b. (screaming from the other side of the hill) OH yeah we will, man.

The hurricane swallows up all the eye can see 19a. Whooooosh 19b. Hurricane noises 19c. Uh oh where my house go?

15000 Chickens!! 20a. There are so many of them 20b. This is the last one hope you enjoyed

[bull-shit-suji]

i'll acknowledge that this is more of a personal headcanon but i tend to picture sebastian as someone who at all times is just A Little off-putting. like yeah he can be big and scary when the moment calls for it, but it adds some extra flavor if he can't turn that off all the way.

you know when you meet someone new and kind of. get a Bad Vibe? that's him. he's eloquent and charismatic while being just expressive enough to avoid appearing too stoic or unattainably perfect, and you're like— oh cool what a competent Human Guy with worldly aspirations and flaws and shit.

and then you stare at him for a second too long. you catch his eyes and they're inexplicably empty, not like lights are off no one's home, but empty. there's just nothing there; no glint of sunlight when he smiles, no darkening when he scowls as the gardener uproots a nearby azealia bush. like meeting the gaze of a corpse whose features have been strung and contorted to mimic your own.

and everyone thinks you're crazy because bro what do you MEAN you're not rocking with earl phantomhive's fine ass butler?? he literally saved my cat when it got stuck in a tree AND did a cartwheel last week ?????

[balletdoll]

investigations textposts who cheered (ty to @semelhante-ao-som-da-corneta for suggesting the mandildo effect one!!)

1 2 3 4 6

[scribz-ag24]

I've recently seen again a post talking about the Sableye and Dusknoir's relationship so i'd like to put my two cents in the discussion, for I love screaming into the void about PMD. (this isnt meant to discourage any other interpretations btw this is just my take on theirs and Dusknoir's relationship, bc I think they're very fun characters and I am very glad the game actually gives these minions a bit of relevance in se5).

Tbh I don't buy that Dusknoir treats the Sableye nicely, at least not out of kindness. I don't think he's a tyrant or inexplicably mean, of course, and I think his minions ADORE him, but i also believe that doesn't mean he's nice to them, sth that i consider meaningful for their character arcs.

Throughout the entire game he's exclusively giving them orders, in se5 he concocts a plan that involves thrashing them MULTIPLE times (he's lucky Grovyle isn't one to try and kill enemies in battle ig), and the cherry on top is that the first time we see him being fully genuine he does this:

(yes, he is in turmoil in here, but there's not a single thing implying that 1. this is an unusual response towards the sablye, 2. dusknoir feels bad for it at some point or is surprised at himself, 3. this has any impact in the sableye at all. You can argue these reactions happen off screen and we don't see them, they don't happen bc they have pressing matters to attend to or they happen after they return to life, and that's perfectly valid, but i'm sticking with what the game shows us, here.)

I must say, though, the fact that the Sableye, despite having been almost mindless pokémon up to now, STAND UP TO AND ATTACK Primal Dialga for their boss and even try to look after him despite him ordering them to check on Grovyle and Celebi first is SO important to me. they are goons to the bone and they love that scheming ghost so much.

My own view is that Dusknoir is generally polite to them (you wouldn't randomly break your own revolver or weapon without any reason, would you?), but is quicker to get mean with them than with people he doesn't know or he is seeking to manipulate. He doesn't care about their behaviour as long as they get the job done, which is why I think the anime thing of the Sableye climbing onto his shoulder isn't that remarkable, rather it's a very cute moment, one that is showing how they've been working together for long and how their size difference affects their interactions, but it is not necessarily conveying an affectionate bond (this is a bit random, but it reminds me of Disney's Jafar with Iago lmao. throw your pet sableye at your enemies so they mock them and then return to your shoulder). Additionally, Dusknoir letting the Sableye onto his shoulder is probably as close as we are gonna get to a villain turning around in his chair while petting a cat in PMD lol.

[this isn't meant to be a one-to-one comparison, it's just a detail i find cute and shows that this gesture can have multiple interpretations, with none being the only right one]

Leaving that aside, I hesitate to claim Dusknoir trusts his Sableye as allies, as Grovyle makes a point in the main story of how the Sableye (your Sableye, he says, as if objectifying them; not friends, but tools, weapons at Dusknoir's disposal) are lacking compared to the way hero/partner/grovyle support one another (power of friendship and hidden information babyyyy). The Sableye are used to Dusknoir's way of doing things, though, I'm sure. They know what happens when he's displeased, after all.

I think, most of all, the Sableye are meant to look disposable: they are 6 identical pokémon that almost act like a hivemind, and we are not supposed to think at all about how we may hurt them in battle any more than we do with the angry Manectric pack or random dungeon pokémon. This, I believe, is why the game has them stand up against Dialga and gives them unique dialogue at the end of se5. They're meant to show their inner shine, just as Dusknoir managed to do. They suddenly gain an individuality they had never shown while they were working to maintain the dark future.

Where they abandoned Dusknoir in the Old Ruins, now Grovyle has motivated them to look for their dignity and fight for a better world, and that starts with protecting their leader from Primal Dialga's rampage, and supporting his new objective and allies in their quest to save the future. In their own small way, they've also grown as characters throughout SE5.

I believe that, overall, Dusknoir saw the Sableye as tools, but thanks to their growth and clear care for him, there's a possibility he might start to see them (and by extension other pokémon) in a more genuine, less pragmatic / objectifying way in the future. Now that Dusknoir has the chance to live a fulfilling life, he may learn to care for others without surrounding himself by so many walls. If anything, I think their future is quite bright. Not that the Sableye would mind if he still thrashed them around, though lol, they're clearly not bothered much by it (special episode 0 had a great depiction of the sableye imo, you can check that romhack if you haven't yet).

In conclusion, look at these little guys who adore their can-get-mean-but-is-mostly-polite boss and probably have a body count but now are good, they're so cute:

[buddivorce]

hey guys what do you do when you dream about a girl who doesn't exist. you meet her, she lives in your building, you and your other friend start to get to know her. your friend is kind of a dick, but that's just how he is. as you get closer with this girl, you start to convince yourself that you like her—you don't. you think she's gorgeous and you think you're supposed to fall in love with her, but you haven't. and in your efforts to love her, you do something that hurts her, your friend egging you on, trying to get you to go further, double down, and the girl pulls away from you. she doesn't look at you like she used to. she won't stand close to you and her new boundaries are clear—she needs you to keep your distance and you're not going to be able to fix this completely, not ever. and you understand that, and you're a kind person, so you are as respectful towards her as you know how. again, your friend is a dick about the whole thing, which doesn't make you feel better at all. maybe you shouldn't feel better. because you started it. you told yourself you were going to love her and you didn't and you did it wrong. and now that you've fucked it up for good, you feel yourself starting to look at her differently than you did before, just like she's doing now. but you're looking at her with shyness and gentleness and from six feet away, shrinking into yourself with a tiny glint of light in your eyes, while she stands stoic and tall, her eyebrows tensed and her mouth flat as you fumble your way through an attempt at aftermath-themed small talk, her responses short and clipped and knowing. she knows what's happened to you. she knows why you're looking at her like that. and she knows that you know that you lost your chance and you're not getting the same chance back and definitely not in the same way. and when she asks you for a small favor or wishes you well, you skip away, your voice soft and light and far too gentle, so fucking gentle, and you know that she hates you a little bit. and you know that now, only after, you love her a little bit. and then you wake up. what do you do then?

[bugenjoyer]

is making these becoming a new daily enrichment for me? maybe.

[tiredtaffy]

[creativesplat]

So just read the first volume of Mr and Mrs X: here are some memes.

[hers-underwraps]

DASHTON 4EVA

[freesiadotcom]

oh my god- God literally invented molecules

[martinblackwoodlover]

This is quite random but I feel like Martin would love The Full Monty musical

[evilbitchartist]

while i was playing sword with her my sister like. jokingly said it would be really cute if opal was piers and marnie's granny (since she gets paired up with piers in the galar star tournament) and i didn't really think much of it but. young opal?? hello??

funy joke theory. pier granny

[slightlycomicobsessed]

made some new mutants textposts because we are sorely lacking -

[astro-duck]

I am going to admit something: I love The Awesome Store. It might be one of my top five characters in TAWOG. Now, I say The Awesome Store, and I say “it” because I have a theory as to what The Awesome Store is, and it’s 100% canon and nobody will ever change my mind

The Awesome Store is not a man inside a van, it is not either of those things, not even close. The Awesome Store is a supernatural entity with the sole purpose of distributing other supernatural entities.

My evidence is as follows:

One: It seems to not abide by any real rules of existence. It has hands, think like in “The Origins”, “The Disaster” or “The Shippening” when it reaches out to give things out or pull people inside. But it doesn’t always have hands, or even eyes. It only has these features when they are needed to interact with people, and these features are very shadowy and disjointed, having literal black smoke for hands.

We also only see the inside a few times, and it’s different every time. When Richard goes inside in Origins, it’s relatively small and dinky with the item he’s looking for placed directly in the middle of the room (literally under a spotlight). In Shippening, it’s a huge, multi-story complex with “A map on the fifth floor”. Because The Awesome Store knows that Richard is looking for something specific, and it isn’t productive to present him with a bunch of clutter, because he isn’t likely to pick up anything else. But it also knows that cops, who aren’t there for anything and just want to check things out, are more likely to interact with random clutter on the floor, and therefore it lays itself out so that they will be more likely to pick up a variety of magical items. So it posistions itself as needed to maximize the chance that objects will be interacted with or purchased.

Also, when Richard and the kids want to return the evil turtle, they literally can’t find the store. And when they do it’s just a regular van with almost nothing inside except some random non-magical stuff, like fireworks. I assume this because it is completely unwilling to take returns.

Two: The prices. A very common price it uses is “$100”. Again with Origins and Shippening (I promise I’ve seen other episodes) but the Doctors License and literally Darwin are offered for $100 dollars. (Important to note that The Awesome Store is willing to go down to $10 for Darwin, which further cements the point I’m about to make) but this price is completely arbitrary. The Universal remote is $12.99, which is also a really weird choice. But it doesn’t actually matter how much these things cost, because the ultimate goal of The Awesome Store definitely isn’t to make money. However I think that it won’t just give out objects for free because most people don’t really trust free things.

Think about it like this, if you were offered a free game console, you would assume that it didn’t work. But if that console was, say, $100, that’s still a pretty good deal, but the price isn’t so low that it’s suspicious. This is also why Rob, who is a middle schooler, is quoted a much lower price for the Universal Remote. That $13 dollars would seem suspiciously low to an adult, but probably not as much to a young teenager who doesn’t have any source of income. Also, The Awesome Store totally lets Rob steal it, because it could totally have out-fought him for it. It only doesn’t because The Awesome Store wants to make its items seem valuable, while also not quoting prices that are so high it will turn away customers. It really doesn’t care about making any money.

Three: in “The Console” it seems to be physically in pain, or at least very reactant, to the kids absolutely blasting the van. I understand that I would probably react negatively if three children ran up to my car and started destroying it, but I think The Awesome Store’s reaction is more akin to being repeatedly hit than to someone destroying your car. Like it’s actually out of breath after being attacked. You could argue that

My analysis of said evidence:

Just like I said in the intro, it is a supernatural entity. It exists solely to pass magical items onto people. But not just that, it also needs the items to be used, not just owned. Think about it, why not just host a garage sale? Why not open a regular store? I think it’s because The Awesome Store is looking for the type of people desperate enough to do anything, so they’ll buy from the back of a van and then continue to use the cursed object even if it’s cursed.

Not everything is cursed, though, or even particularly nefarious. Again, Darwin is just a smart fish, and while he does mention there being some sort of catch (which I’m not sure is ever going to come up again, but they mentioned it in The Gumball Cronicals and just sorta shrugged it off, which means that it wasn’t the fact that he was going to turn into a person, and also we’re given a different explanation [love] as to why that happened so…?) it never really matters. Also what about the “bookshelf that alphabetizes dreams”? That’s not really cursed, just kinda silly. I don’t think The Awesome Store is really all that nefarious, maybe a little bit, but I think it’s genuinely just that most magical items are evil, or at least very likely to be dangerous in the wrong hands (like the notebook Sarah gets or the universal remote).

Now this does leave some questions: why does it run from the cops? Why does it seem genuinely annoyed with some people? Why does it have the personality of a sarcastic guy? Well, I think that it doesn’t want to get destroyed or searched or have its artifacts removed, and its personality is just to give some sort of comfort to the people buying, but also I believe there’s some sort of sentience to The Awesome Store. But I’m sure there’s other things that aren’t covered by this theory.

But this is still what I genuinely believe. Jonathan Sims has nothing on me. If you made it this far, I’m glad you liked my theory (there’s no way you made it this far if you didn’t) Feel free to ask any questions if you have them! I’m sure I missed something.

<3

[riiviir]

conversation with my dad

Me: I've grown a dislike for granola bars over the years of eating way too many.

Dad: I don't understand that. I eat granola bars every single day.

Me: Well yeah, I probably got my autism from you.

Dad: ...

Dad: ...You have autism because I ate too many granola bars!?

[bugtoast]

The autistic stereotype of loving trains is correct actually, because trains are awesome and autistic people have a history of having good taste (source: me)