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theorist-influencer-untitled · 7 months

Text

2.13.24 Tuesday

12:19 am

I still have windblow.....Strange missed call from Miles, I don't have extra money for now... hmm... Will reply later am... I know probably it is about money... Or should I avoid him???

Still, on a weird Detention kind of treatment on me/ still on an unplanned training. I need to keep this job coz I need money.

Princess sent me a picture she thought that was the Daddy-Bf that I was telling them but it was a different person.

Revo is in the room now... I said hi and he just smiled and quiet at the back, I think he is our main QA.

I'm with the team of Chloe coz I need to barge in again, I heard her "dry cough"... I told her Chloe it is a serious dry cough, take a meds. I just heard that it is really a dry cough.

Kaede is with someone now on the other bench here in the open field of Conduent...

It is so funny that I figured out this song coz Miles called me Peaches that it is supposed to be just Peach or Peachy. Fine Peaches! But this song is just my senti song whenever I feel that way...

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6:52 am

It is a bullshit day today... I knew I said hi to Revo at an early time of my shift... I said hi Revo but he just looked at me then I figured out he is sick today...Our cute QA, but it didn't have any effect on him... Supposed to be he can save me about this matter... I got a suspension letter due to my spiel that I sent to my customer about the dialouge and the full SSN that supposed to be only the last 4 digit of the SSN. But I got the spiel coming from one of the HR personnel, he sent me this important spiel.

I find it so weird this industry, this call center....I feel that there is a conspiracy and it will always be against me.

8:48 am

I'm here in the house now... Well, I need to rest and I need to apply again and tender my resignation together with my explanation coz I don't want to end a relationship in a bad way...

Plus, my 3 condoms are still intact! Still, here angels....Still, complete!

I can't understand Revo, is it bad to have 2 bf's... A black and a white???

I need a job and I need money... I want black-Daddy-Bf but he is not around! Revo is cute but he didn't save me from those hearìngs or issues, I need money...

8:59 am

Yeah! I know Revo is fucking cute half of my age just like I like Black Daddy-Bf coz our road is going to a mature road coz my age now is 42 and my Black-Daddy I think 50 plus...

40 for women, is considered old or wiser women...Since, I can't find Black Daddy for now... I supposed to have a white bf like Revo just to save my dying ass coz I need a job and money and I want special treatment, supposed to be!

10:15 am

My batchmate in Conduent!

1:14 pm

I'm not mad at all but I feel irritated why I can't get success in call center. There is a mystery, I know and it is their right to keep the mystery but why I can't have a closer soul or much more closer friends. I mean I was ohkay with my batch mate in Conduent coz I handled them correctly. I mean there were times that I felt that I wasn't really belong in the group but I have maturity to flow as a mature person and to handle this different kind of camaraderie in a way there were angle that they did care for me like the way I care for everyone. That is what we called professionalism in a work field and maturity! Maturity to have a camaraderie...

I figured it out that in a relationship whether it is about love on love or love on friendship or simply platonic. There is no perfect relationship but we have a smooth harmony by doing give and take or catch me when I fall or I will catch you when you fall... Professionalism!!!

Coz it is the way of mature people....But we have camaraderie... I'm just having a hard time I don't have a buddy, that's why I'm looking for a bf.

A buddy meaning your closer partner even as friends in the circle of any particular group.

It can be Revo supposed to be but we should be really partner there...

On my Black american Daddy-Bf that I saw few weeks ago....I just like him that night that I saw him, I just need a companion much more mature coz it is not bad to work and get a mature bf. I accidentally saw him and I just like him.

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1:53 pm

Being fair sometimes I distance myself from them though at the beginning I got some few invites coming from them as well that we should eat together,if I want... But my starter money was so tight, the timing to blend with their invites was not good for me though I wanted to... I was on a THRIFT! I chose to be alone or have some space... I feel conscious...

I have maturity that it is a work place, we are being an autistic in a way coz some should go back like me and some should ride on to the people who are trapped and can't go back. For some people who ride on or blend it is a self-progress for them and doing good to other people is a good act as a child of God. Karma begets Karma... For me it is a recovery and a bit of a temporary self-healing or trying to recall myself.

Plus, we are there as mature people having a mature life meaning we are being in a way an autistic coz in a call center, it will be always have a room for you to be a child again or in a way if you get success it is a "rebirth". Rebirth means the new you!

Plus, my bathroom moment is really hellish for some other people that possibly only my good old friends can swallow it or can take it to their tough tummy.

My old gf like Mitch, yeah! She knew my bathroom habits oh! My Gosh! I'm stiff but I'm the woman of glam it is weird right? I was raised up by a vanity and I wanted vanity until now...

Hating Mitch if she became famous or doing a group as a mickey mouse without telling me since 2007? Is she part of the people who gave me that "simple battery".

So,I can't force other new workmates to be with me in the bathroom coz yeah you can be young again in call center but mainly it is a work place, where people need to earn for their personal expenses or family expenses or to pay their serious credits or to pay bills...

6:16 pm

I'm planning to diet tomorrow.... Bitterish!

6:47 pm

I still have windblow... It feels like someone breaks my heart or someone broke it like Miles who is trying to reconnect but still hurting me for not apologizing but I'm not mad... I just feel numb...

Whew! I ate toblerone a dark chocolate, some red ribbon chocolate cake, spaghetti, I even ate rice with upper pares soup. It feels hurt and bitterish...

I feel ugly and fat....It feels that I wanna have a make over but I don't have money. I wanna do nose perfection and call me crazy a brazilian butt lift but just secondary coz I don't wanna appear super petite.I prefer being curvy...I want to do nose perfection.... It is a mixed up today.

I feel like crying my deep within.....I have complex... Where is my Daddy-bf???

I feel the frustration....Daddy it's time to play... Daddy's home... Home for me???

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7:01 pm

When my heart is breaking, I'm in pain... I feel hurt here in my heart that I can't explain... I feel like crying... I feel heavy that my heart will explode.....

But you still need to control, still weird, you wanna sleep and cry and sleep and cry....

7:42 pm

I still have windblow and weird deep inside now...

I remember my first heart ache I cried so loud....I cried as if I was 7 years old... It was funny and weird but I felt that way....

On my 2nd heartache my tears were suddenly falling that I couldn't stop... I don't know how to control not to let my tears fall...

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#Youtube

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melxncholymermxid · 3 years

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2021: A Year in Review

I'm normally the last person to toot my own horn and give myself flowers, but I've seen a couple posts about what we all accomplished this year, and I wanna partake.

Early 2021 was rough. A close friend had recently been in a car accident and without a car. I'd been with her at the time and we worked together, so I offered to drive her around. She has kids so it wasn't just work, it was day care, school, groceries, her dates (she had an awful breakup in summer 2020 and she was starting to get over it), smoke seshes (she lived with her mom and without a car had nowhere to smoke and she needed to to be able to eat/sleep/etc), and any other obligations she had. This lead to having issues with getting to work myself, along with burn out and resentment on both ends in our friendship.

We also got two new managers who came from a less busy store and, to be fair to them, had no idea what they were getting into. I slowly became one of the most depended on in my department while simultaneously getting shit from managers who only seemed to notice me when I did something wrong.

I started a new job in May while continuing to stay at my old one. Haven't done that since I was 18 and my new job was EXTREMELY physically demanding. Between the two jobs, stress and little to no free time to eat, I lost quite a bit of weight. I've always had body image issues and the threat gaining it all back if I quit kept me at a work flow that I knew I really couldn't manage.

At my former job there was a posting to work at one of the locations in the Hamptons (an hour ride from where I lived). They offered to pay for travel and to raise the rate up to $18 (I made 15 and had never had a raise in nearly 2 years). This sounded like a great opportunity. The pros were

A break from my toxic store

More money

Change of pace

More freedom at my new store vs my old one

The cons however clearly outweighed them

1hr drive in traffic

Rude tourists and rich people

Still maintaining my 3-4 am job and barely sleeping before going in @12 (leaving at 11)

Working 8-9 hrs an hour away meaning getting home at 10-11 and sleeping 4 hrs before getting up and getting to my job at 3

Doing the hour drive every day, back and forth because my other job was right around the corner from my place

Not seeing my nana enough and feeling neglectful

After starting I learned that the "travel pay" was deducted from the check, and with the increase of income meant more taxes. In the end I think I made less/the same amount of money.

After the summer was over, and being practically begged by my new friends I've bonded with over the past 3/4 months to stay, I went back to my old store that was just as bad, if not worse then when I left. Another new manager and new hires that did not give a fuck (honestly, I get it) that had replaced all but one person from the old crew. When I returned, aside from getting shit from coworkers who looked down on me for leaving them, I was also alone for 6 out of my 8 hours I worked every night, closing alone. This included:

cleaning the entire department: foors, ovens, fryers(multiple times during a shift if the deli manager complained about the smell), all the dishes from the day (including morning crews mess), tables, the rotisserie chicken warmers(3) in the store, dusting the shelves in our department, and whatever else they needed

Doing 5+batches of rotisserie chickens in a small oven because our rotisserie oven was deemed unsafe by our Union and the store wouldn't call maintenance

Making fried chicken and getting a talking to every time it was empty even though it takes 15 minutes to cook and I could only make 4 packages at a time because one of our dryers was also broken

Spitting all of these chickens plus 3 bins for the morning(45 minute job) to use even though I can count on one hand the amount of times that I've walked in to work with full containers

Doing the prep work our full timer didn't get to that morning (even though when I didn't finish everything she was the first one to bring it to a managers attention)

Cooking the afternoon/night hot bar food, which pre-Covid was a 2-3 person job

On top of the stress of doing all of this alone, I was also ALONE, left to my own negative self talk and self deprecating inner monologue. It didn't help that I only got shit from every single one if my superiors

A rude older coworker who I always hear the shit she says about me from other people

A manager who to this day I still believe didn't like me because I'm black

A new manager who was the most disappointed that I left the week before he transferred to run our shit hole of a department

And multiple upper management who didn't understand how I couldn't handle the jobs of 3 people by myself

After two weeks of being back and already losing my second job, I quit. I was jobless for the first time in over two years. I was 23, an adult, and had nothing to show for it.

I live with my nana because my mother spent the first 20 years of my life being emotionally neglectful and abusive. After moving out 3/4 years prior, she's had a lot of shitty circumstances and even tho our relationship has gotten better, I've carried around guilt of leaving her a year or two after my dad left.

Late 2020 was awful in terms of my body image, sexuality, romantic/sexual relationships. I swore off the possibility of a love life; coupled with the burn out of early 2021 I started to enter my ✨nothing matters✨ phase.

Why was I killing myself working? What future was investing in?

The only positive I could cling onto is that I had saved enough to take a break from the work force. I decided to use my time to look and see what the community college was offering. Seeing as there were plenty of courses that had late registration, I enrolled and started a pharmacy technician program. I was going back to school.

As difficult as it's been to return to a school environment after 6 years of mental burnout from work and adjusting to online schooling, it's the best decision I've ever made. The program only takes a year and sets you up with a job after you complete the course and qualify for the cert exam.

Through the school I'm actually able to get mental health counseling for the first time in my life. I believe in therapy and medicine, but I never believed it would work for me. Somehow my suffering was so unique, I was beyond help. Obviously I'm not "cured", my depression didn't disappear overnight, but just talking to someone once a week who I know is there to help and not judge has made a huge difference.

I also was able to qualify for health insurance, and I have a whole bunch of doctor appointments set up after the new year.

In conclusion (gd this is so long), in the year where day-to-day I felt the least in control and on the right path, looking back now I realize even though its not easy, and there's a lot of work I'm not used to anymore, I am on the right path.

As someone who is incapable of setting long term goals on my own, school gives me a feasible, time constrained goal to work towards, and just a week ago I took a midterm and got the highest grade in my class.

As someone who has felt needy and stupid and wrong my entire life, I can now see a professional and have learned that I, as a person am okay, and everything I've deemed a weakness is just a response to the trauma I didn't believe I had. My anxieties and so many things I'm insecure about are coping mechanisms my childhood self needed in order to survive on my own mentally and emotionally while I was physically being depended upon by my parents to act as a third parent my whole life.

I had a breakthrough the other day regarding my pessimistic, existentialist attitude towards life and also my relationship with myself.

My self hate is rooted in the envy of what I believe I should be and my high expectations that I hold not only myself to but others as well. I'm far more judgemental of others than I previously thought. As someone who prides themselves on being kind and people pleasing and just being a non confrontational person by nature, this all trickles down and concentrates in how I feel about and regard myself.

The person that I hate isn't me, it's the version of myself I've always aspired to. Yet the person who deals with this hate is my inner child. I'm currently very detached from my physical state rn, seeing as I don't know much about her, but I know my inner child.

I know 4 year old me that had to adjust to no longer being the only child.

I know the 8 year old me who blocked out the fact that my dad repeatedly left my mother to raise me and my siblings on her own, on and off for most my entire childhood.

I know 11 year old me who was depressed, going through puberty and was constantly othered in middle school. The 11 year old who just wanted to feel pretty and wanted and had unmonitored internet access and talked to any adult man who wanted to talk to, and SEE, me.

I know 12 year old me who only felt release and control when seeing blood stain my sleeves with holes in the thumb. And later, the 12 year old who was caught and promised that she would start to be listened to and cared about more.

The 13 year old got used to promises not being kept.

15 year old me had to adjust to new people in a new state. She was warned since she started school that we would always move, but after 11 years of knowing everything she experienced was temporary, she had no idea how to "settle in".

16 year old me had a father leave home for the final time. And after mourning the lost of a parent, had to unlearn everything she knew about her favorite parent. While he was there emotionally, when he was there, he was probably the #1 factor in my mom hating her life and not being able to express her love for us properly. I thought for years that she fucking hated me, only to realize she didn't know how and couldn't afford to get help. And the 1st man I ever cared about turned out to be a cheating deadbeat who had no issue leaving the woman he used to love and 4 kids he still convinces himself that he does love to go see family who never really fucked with us like that. He got to have a girlfriend or two and travel while my mom looked for love in anyone who would offer, in return for a place to stay.

17 year old me graduated and became the only parental figure to a 2 year old step brother that her mother and abuser then-husband were too busy to give a shit about. Then I was finally able to get a job, through a very gracious gift from my nana that I couldn't even truly enjoy because mother used to resent me for my relationship with my nana.

I never got to experience a stable childhood, and because of the failings of adults before me I'm fighting an uphill battle. But for all these iterations of me, adult me has to step up. I can't be another adult who let's them down.

I think I've never felt ready, and possibly will never feel ready, for kids is because I've got plenty to handle already.

Not so much a resolution, but some semblance of motivation for 2022 and onwards:

Whether it's work/school related, fitness related, mental health related, etc. I'm not just doing it for me. I'm doing it for the child who had to do everything herself and then some.

Sorry about the long post, if you made it this far thank you, I love you. Have a happy new year 💓

#long post #trauma dump #2021 recap #new years resolutions #inner child work #burnout #depression #anxiety #therapy #college #life update

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hadeschan · 2 years

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item # K17C41

RARE Pra Khun Paen Pim Soom Ruan Kaew, Luang Phu Tim Wat Laharnrai, Nua Din Pasom Pong, Ok Wat Pai Lom. A baked clay blended with holy powder Pra Khun Paen amulet with figure of Buddha seating inside an elaborate arch. Made by Wat Pai Lom, Rayong Province in BE 2514 (CE 1971). This amulet contains Pong Maha Chindamanee (Wealth Fetching Holy Powder) of Luang Phu Tim of Wat Laharnrai. Not only Luang Phu Tim was Master of Blessing Ceremony, but also Luang Phu Tim blessed this Batch of amulets twice.

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This Batch of amulets was made for gifts to commemorate Temple Boundary Marking Ceremony of Wat Pai Lom, Rayong Province. Luang Phu Tim of Wat Laharnrai was Master of Blessing Ceremony at the temple of Wat Pai Lom. Luang Phu Tim gave “Pong Maha Chindamanee / Wealth Fetching Holy Powder” in full can of Mali Sweetened Condensed Milk (385 ml) to Pra Archan Poon, the Abbot of Wat Pai Lom for blending with materials of making this Batch of amulets. Luang Phu Tim of Wat Laharnrai was Master of Blessing Ceremony with 15 days and 15 nights non-stop rituals. And there were another 8 Guru Monks blessing at the ceremony, namely Luang Phor Lat of Wat Nong Grabork, Lunag Phu Chuan of Wat Marpkah, Lung Phu Tong of Wat Ban Pare, Luang Phor Ruay of Wat Ta Rua, Luang Phor Hom of Wat Chak Mark, Luang Phor Kong of Wat Wang Sapparos, Luang Phor Somchai of Wat Mae Nang Pluam, Luang Phor Sara of Wat Pradoo Song Tham. After the Blessing Ceremony was ended at 22.00 hrs, and 9 Guru Monks (including Luang Phu Tim) had just left the temple, Luang Phu Tim returned to the Blessing Ceremony area and blessed this Batch of amulets alone again until dawn.

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PRA KHUN PAEN

The Pra Khun Paen is a type of amulet with figure of Pra Buddha Chinnaraj seating inside an elaborate arch. This type of amulet was first discovered at Wat Pra Roop Archaeology Site, Suphanburi Province. And such type of ancient baked clay amulet with figure of Pra Buddha Chinnaraj is called “Pra Khun Paen” ever since. It was called Pra Khun Paen to honor the Thai famous Warrior General Khun Paen, the Governor of Suphanburi Province in the Kingdom of Ayutthaya.

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BEST FOR: Pra Khun Paen is one of Thailand’s Best amulets for Nak-layng, ruffian (a violent person, especially one involved in crime), Mafia Boss, Crime Prevention Police Officer, Park Ranger, Field Soldier and Nak-layng Poo Ying (a connoisseur of women / a womanizer). Mahasanay (Magic Charm) it helps turn you to prince charming in the eyes of girls, Metta Maha Niyom (it helps make people love you, and be nice to you). It brings more strength and endurance to your primary relationship. Wealth Fetching, Kaa Kaai Dee (it helps tempt your customers to buy whatever you are selling and it helps attract new customers and then keep them coming back. Wealth & Prosperity, Maha Laap (it brings lucky wealth). It warns danger coming ahead, Klawklad Plodpai (it helps push you away from all danger), Kongkraphan (it makes you invulnerable to all weapon attack), and Maha-ut (it stops gun from shooting at you). Ponggan Poot-pee pee-saat Kunsai Mondam Sa-niat jan-rai Sat Meepit (it helps ward off evil spirit, demon, bad ghost, bad omen, bad spell, curse, accursedness, black magic, misfortune, doom, and poisonous animals). And this amulet helps protect you from manipulators, backstabbers, and toxic people.

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THE MAKING OF BE 2513 BATCH OF AMULETS OF WAT PAI-LOM, RAYONG PROVINCE

This Batch of amulets was made for gifts to commemorate Temple Boundary Marking Ceremony of Wat Pai Lom. Luang Phu Tim of Wat Laharnrai was Master of the Blessing Ceremony. Luang Phu Tim gave “Pong Maha Chindamanee / Wealth Fetching Holy Powder” in full can of Mali Sweetened Condensed Milk (385 ml) to Pra Archan Poon, the Abbot of Wat Pai Lom for blending with materials of making of this Batch of amulets. The amount of amulet production was expected to reach 84,000 pieces, but Wat Pai Lom could only make 50,000 pieces. As for the contents of amulets made by Wat Pai Lom, Pra Archan Champhee Vipulo (Chamrassang) was appointed by Pra Archan Poon, the Abbot of Wat Pai Lom to search for various kinds of sacred herbs, sacred minerals that have magic power of Metta Maha Niyom (the power that helps bring loving, caring, and kindness, and compassion from people all around you to you), Kongkraphan Chatri (that power that makes you invulnerable to all weapon attack), and warding off evil spirits, bad omens, bad spells, and poisonous animals, for examples:

1)Rae Bangkanin Si Khew (green manganese sand)

2)Rae Bangkanin Si Dum (black manganese sand)

3)Rae Bangkanin Si Manpuu (pink manganese sand)

4)Rae Dok Makham (iron ore)

5)Rae Pluang Ngern (silver antimony ore)

6)Rae PluangThong (gold antimony ore)

7)Black ruby from Chantaburi Province

8)Chin Palord Sangglavanorn (silver-lead alloy nails used for patching gold plates on surface of Buddha Relic stupa/chedi)

9)Mora Thong roong (rainbow chalcedony)

10)Sao Taloong Chaang Pluak (powder crushed from a wood pillar that held Royal White elephant)

11)Gradook Gralok Chaangsong (powder crushed from skull of Royal Elephant)

12)Petch Namkang (clear quartz crystal)

13)Sila Namkang (opaque quartz crystal)

14)Lek Torrahod (Leklai)

15)Lek Namphee (iron ore taken from Ban Namphee, Uttaradit Province)

16)Lek Yod Chedi (iron final of the top of Buddha Relic chedi/stupa)

17)Samrit (ancient bronze)

18)Kaotok Pra Ruang (pyrite cubes taken from Sukhothai Province)

19)Kaosook Loy Nam (basalt rock)

20)Kaosarn Dum (black rice fossils)

21)Kao Rod Pet-leak (yellow rice fossils)

22)Kai Pratuu Muang (moss taken from city gates)

23)Kai Chedi (moss taken from chedi/stupa)

24)Kai Sema Gao Hang (moss taken from temple boundary marking stones of 9 temples)

25)Din Phong Gao Phong Gao Si (9 colors of deposit of salts taken from the forest)

26)Din Borrisud Glang Maha Samut (mud taken from the deepest ocean floor)

27)Din Gru Soom Gor Toong Setthee (earth under the chamber where Pra Soom Gor amulets were hidden at Toong Setthee, Kampangpetch Province)

28)Din Gru Sukkhothai (earth under the chamber where ancient amulets of Sukhothai Kingdom were hidden)

29)Din Gru Ayutthaya (earth under the chamber where ancient amulets of Ayutthaya Kingdom were hidden)

30)Din Ta Gao Ta (earth taken from 9 piers)

31)Holy Powder crushed from broken baked clay ancient amulets from all over Kingdom of Thailand

- Pong Pra Yisipha Sattawas

- Pong Prathom Akkara

- Pong Tri Saranakom

- Pong Pra Buddhakhun, Pra Dhammkhun, and Pra Sangglakhun

- Pong Pra Chao Ha Pra-ong

- Pong Pra Chao Siphok Pra-ong

- Pong Tri Nisinghay

- Pong Ithijay

- Pong Patamang

- Pong Maharaj

- Pong Sangglalohk

- Pong Maha-ut of LP Wong of Wat Parivas

- Pong Pra Gaysorn of LP Wong of Wat Ban Kaai

- Pong Pra Somdej Wat Rakang given by LP Nak of Wat Rakang

- Pong Gao and Si peung Khew of LP Tapp of Wat Gra Boak Kuen Peung

- Holy powder of LP Peng of Wat Laharn Yai

- Pong Phraya Ngew Dum

32)Various types of sacred herbs / plants

- Ga Fakk

- Ga Long

- Ga Fak Ruck Sorn

- Ga Fak Mayom

- Ga Fak Maroom

- Ga Fak Makham

- Ga Fak Manao

- Ga Fak Lanthom

- Taowan Long

- Krua Sao Long

- Wan Sao Long

- Mai Roo Norn Gao Yang

- Yod Ruck

- Yod Saward

- Galapangha

- Sai Ngern

- Sai Thong

- Wan Roi Padd

- Gaysorn Dokmai Roi Padd

33)Holy Water taken from Khun Gai’s pond

The amulet making ceremony was started on Saturday 5th (Sao Ha) on the 5th month of the year of Rooster which was on March 22, BE 2512 at 09.09 hrs. Pra Archan Champhee was Master of the Ceremony with 5 monks praying “Pra Thammachak Roi Padd” 15 days and 15 nights until all amulets were made. The Blessing Ceremony was set on Sao Ha (Saturday 5th) Aug 22, BE 2513. Luang Phu Tim of Wat Laharnrai was Master of Blessing Ceremony with 15 days and 15 nights non-stop sermons. And there were another 8 Guru Monks attaining the blessing ceremony, namely Luang Phor Lat of Wat Nong Grabork, Luang Phu Chuan of Wat Marpkah, Luang Phu Tong of Wat Ban Pare, Luang Phor Ruay of Wat Ta Rua, Luang Phor Hom of Wat Chak Mark, Luang Phor Kong of Wat Wang Sapparos, Luang Phor Somchai of Wat Mae Nang Pluam, Luang Phor Sara of Wat Pradoo Song Tham

The miracles at the Blessing Ceremony, the cameramen could not take pictures of Luang Phu Tim, all of them could not press the shutters, and the flash lights were out of order, but after they asked Luang Phu Tim for his permission to take Luang Phu Tim’s pictures, all the cameras were working as normal.

Luang Phu Tim had to open his eyes while blessing the amulets. If Luang Phu Tim closed his eyes all the lights in the temple where Luang Phu Tim was blessing the amulets would went out, that happened 3 times at this Blessing Ceremony after Luang Phu Tim closed his eyes, so Luang Phu Tim decided not to close his eyes.

THIS BATCH OF AMULETS WAS BLESSED TWICE BY LUANG PHU TIM

After the Blessing Ceremony was ended at 22.00 hrs, and 9 Guru Monks (including Luang Phu Tim) had just left the temple, Luang Phu Tim returned to the Blessing Ceremony area and blessed this Batch of amulets alone again until dawn.

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*with Certificate of Authenticity issued by Thaprachan Buddha Amulet Magazine (prathaprachan-mag.com)

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DIMENSION : 4.80 cm long / 3.00 cm wide / 0.70 cm thick

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item # K17C41

Price: price upon request, pls PM and/or email us [email protected]

100% GENUINE WITH 365 DAYS FULL REFUND WARRANTY

Item location: Hong Kong, SAR

Ships to: Worldwide

Delivery: Estimated 7 days handling time after receipt of cleared payment. Please allow additional time if international delivery is subject to customs processing.

Shipping: FREE Thailandpost International registered mail. International items may be subject to customs processing and additional charges.

Payments: PayPal / Western Union / MoneyGram /maybank2u.com / DBS iBanking / Wechat Pay / Alipay / INSTAREM / PromptPay International

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hiimsociallyawkward · 4 years

Text

aithusia

hi bestie @lady-ofmagic-andstars it's been a while. i said i would do this episode last week but i had to wait for the destiny and chicken podcast to come out so here we are. basically, all of my thoughts while watching aithusia.

ugh the opening scene. i actually love it

ok ngl i remember that this guy is the bad guy but he's like 🥵🥵🥵 jeez

ik it's not just on tiktok but that tiktok where it goes 'but momma i'm in love with a criminal'

wow nice key bud

ok him running in the forest is just like you cannot outrun your demons and i thought that was so funny

smh he's so violent but he's so pretty :,)

ok but how old is this guy?? he say it's taken 20 years of his life. why 20? is that because that's when the 'last' dragon died out?? and at what age was he socially concious enough to recognize the implication of what it means to have a dragon? his is so dumb but probably like 15? so this guy is 35ish? idk man thoughts?

ok if he just feel off the cliff instead of being able to pull himself up we would've saved ourselves a lot of trouble i'm just saying druids.

ok this is so pretty. my thoughts are like 25% me singing show tunes, 25% thinking of actual merlin things, 50% thinking about how pretty everything is

merlin is such a light sleeper. idk why that's important but he wakes up ALL the time

✨gaius is the worst ✨

ok colin's eye looked so good in this scene

aLASFLJDFA MERLIN AND HIS SOCKS

stop i literally dress like this

i love his sleep clothes. it's such a vibe

aw merlin saying 'save the dragons is so cute' omg it reminds me of the vsco girls and saving the turtles HAHA

i love how equal merlin and kilgharrah feel here

asjflsjdasjdfl like ik this is the point but i love that merlin's inherited his father gift and he's always going to remember him. not that merlin would forget his father but idek

aw kilgharrah is like 'i beg you' ok now that i think abt it maybe it's slightly manipulative but it's also really not

ok actually i don't know how many time merlin uses this scene but i guess i'm keeping track now. but look how pretty

wow the rising sun 🤪

OH HAHA THIS IS WHERE MERLIN CARTWHEELS??

literally merlin just breaks in everywhere

merlin seems so earnest about wanting to see the dragons. i want to see the dragons too please

omg HAHA the woodworm is this episode??

WHY IS MERLIN STILL SEARCHING AFTER ARTHUR TURNS AROUND WHAT?

this is a side note but i love arthur's key holder thingy it's actually pretty.

stop right now why is merlin using his magic to PANTS arthur

ok i'm pretty sure that agravaine is only in this episode this one time, and yk it's the little victories

i'm actually embarassed for arthur and merlin here. i don't like it at all

HOW DOES MERLIN DO THE HANDSTAND?? that's the one part i like

ok my question is how is he supposed to know where the last piece of the triskeleton is??

SECOND QUESTION WHY IS HE JUST STANDING IN THE VAULT WHEN HE SHOULD BE RUNNING

lasflkajsdljsad omg the betrayal. ouch my heart

these scene are just like. it's actually art

ok how did merlin stay there all night and no one saw him?? literally camelot guards need to step up

omg no not merlin zooming

sklfja;lsdkjfasdlfs amerlin and the cup

i love how long merlin and arthur look at each other before arthur reacts

lsjfa;lksdsl woodworm omg and the fact that arthur believes that merlin is this chaotic is so funny

HAHA THIS SCENE GAIUS LITERALLY YELLING AT MERLIN

i think this is the funniest thing because gaius is like 'don't people about your magic' while YELLING ABOUT MERLIN'S MAGIC

ok that's a good point gaius we don't know what borden's intentions are

alsdjfalsd stop why didn't they wait for merlin :,(. this reminds me of when you're in highschool and you're finishing lunch and as you pack up everyone is leaving you??????

ok but i love that merlin rides in front with arthur. like- of course he does

merlin being observant 😍😍

i want to go horse riding now

STOP I DON'T LIKE THIS

THIS KNIGHT/DINNER GAG IS NOT FUNNY TO ME. NOT IN THE SLIGHTLEST. THERE'S THIS FIC by @a-small-batch-of-dragons. i literally spent like 10 minutes looking for it because i had to include it here

this scene just.. i don't like it. i never have and i never will

like- who decided that putting this scene in here would be good. no thanks

the knights sleeping in a circle and merlin sleeping on the outside. idk bro that made me a little sad

but also. i want a cloak please. i think i'm just going to say i want a cloak every episode

ok i chuckled at the interaction of 'ever herd of the word sorry?' and 'no is it a word you made up?'

dude don't ask why but i love it when people walk through waterfalls

i don't know why arthur looked so stupid when he was doing it though

i love the nature of it all

yes merlin, you start walking toward the castle first

aw i love the knights working together. like, i know they work together- they're knights, but we love to see it

merlin and his sharp eyes again :,))

why are they making camp it's literally not even dark yet 😭😭

oh great another dinner gag. please stop. i dislike this immensely

wow i love that merlin can heal them. i also think it's surprising because merlin sucks at healing things but yk.. ✨plot✨

this looks like the type of building teens would either be convinced is haunted and try to stay the night there or the type of building that all teens would go to to take pics for the #gram

ok is borden dead here or..

yes i'm putting both of these picture here. who's going to stop me

just kidding it's three

ok so not dead

ok this is not meant to be creepy but colin has nice hands

borden is a creep please go away now

merlin use your ✨magic ✨ please

YES. tell him you're the last dragonlord. i stan. YES HIM AND HIS MAGIC

you better run boy

ok how he manages to get out of the castle is astounding

HAHA there was some CGI that fell and i laughed so hard because it looked so fake

LITERALLY. THE PRETTY CASTLE SCENE IS HERE AGAIN. PRETTY CASTLE SCENE COUNTER; 3

omg merlin getting excited about the egg is actually so precious

both of their faces here are SO precious.

oasfasldfjasl idk why but whenever merlin walks across with the eggs i have this feeling he's going to faceplant and drop it for the comedic effect but i'm glad that never happens

bruh 'back where it belongs' like yes that makes sense but also that doesn't make sense

dude

it's been a full moon for like 4 days now..??????

omg i actually love aithusa

tbh, i DO NOT know how to pronounce her name

why is she actually the cutest thing ever.

AW MERLIN CRYING

i love it when merlin cries, but not in a sadistic way yk? it's more the fact that he's allowed to cry

ok i have a few dragon fics that i love but the only one i can think of right now is Returning the Favor by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle it's actually perfect

there are so many more that i love but i can't think of them but also- PLEASE REC YOUR FAVE DRAGON FAMILY DOMESTIC FICS PLEASE AND THANK YOU

anyways. i'll be back tomorrow to rant more about the darkest hr pt 2 so i'll see you then! also let me know if you want me to stop tagging you @lady-ofmagic-andstars because otherwise i will literally tag you in everything :,)

#merlin #merlin bbc #colin morgan #emrys #bradley james #gwaine #lancelot #arthur pendragon #king arthur #guinevere #morgana #elyan #percival #leon #gaius #uther #angel coubly #katie mcgrath

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drea-bear-forever · 3 years

Text

A new exclusive video for the bad batch came out on ign. Less than 15 hrs till the bad batch premieres on disney +

#star wars #clone trooper wrecker #clone trooper hunter #the bad batch #bad batch #tbb #sw tbb #sw #clone trooper tech #arc trooper echo #clone trooper echo #clone trooper hardcase #omega #disney plus #disney+

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mrgan · 4 years

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Neven’s Sourdough Bagels

Here’s the good news: the best bagel recipe I’ve made has also been the least demanding one. How often does that happen?

The bad news is… well, there’s no bad news. These are delicious and fairly no-nonsense. The recipe follows; after that, scroll down if you’d like to learn more.

Neven’s Sourdough Bagels

Servings: 8 Time: 15 min mix + 6 hr proof + overnight proof + 1 hr boil & bake

INGREDIENTS:

450 g high-gluten flour (or bread flour, or all-purpose flour)

50 g whole wheat flour (or more of the above flour)

20 g sugar

10 g salt

250 g water

125 g ripe sourdough starter

DIRECTIONS:

In the bowl of your stand mixer, stir together the flours, salt, and sugar. Attach to the mixer equipped with the dough hook attachment. In another bowl or cup, mix the water and starter gently. Start the mixer on the lowest speed and slowly add the water+starter mix. Mix for 4 minutes, then stop and scrape down the sides, releasing the dough ball from the dough hook. Mix for another 4-5 minutes, until the dough is smooth.

Transfer the dough to another, lightly oiled bowl (I like a wider, shallower container for this) and cover. Leave on the counter for 4-6 hours; it will need less time on a very hot day, more on a cold one.

Once the dough looks smoothly inflated—note that it may not double in size—use a bench scraper or knife to cut into ~112 g balls. Shape each into a ball by pulling the sides towards the middle and pinching together, then flip it over and roll on the counter to form a smooth top and a bottom sealed together by rolling. Place these balls on a half-sheet pan (18″ x 13″) and cover with a clean, non-terry towel. Rest for 10-15 minutes.

Shape bagel rings by grabbing a ball and poking a hole through its center with an oiled or floured finger. Then gently stretch out the ring, doing your best to keep it even all around. No need to sweat this too much; the bagels will smooth out a lot during the bake. Here’s a video of my stretching method:

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Once all the rings are on the sheet, cover it well with plastic wrap or place inside a large proofing bag. Stick it in the fridge. (I realize this can be tricky, but do your best to Tetris your jars and Tupperware™ to create an even horizontal surface.) Let them proof for 12-48 hours.

The next day, before you bake, do the following in this order:

Preheat your oven to 500ºF with a rack in the top third. (The exact placement will depend a bit on your oven; see what works best.)

Fill a very wide pot with ~3″ of water and bring to a boil; turn down to a steady but controlled boil. Place a spider or slotted spoon nearby.

Put a large pan next to the pot and cover it with a clean towel; this is where you’ll place the bagels after boiling them.

Grab a metal pan of any size and fill it with at least a cup of water; this will be your steam pan. I use a cheap aluminum pan. Please, please DO NOT use glass, Pyrex, or ceramic; they may shatter.

Take the bagel pan out of the fridge and uncover it.

Grab another half-sheet pan and line it with parchment paper.

You’ll boil the bagels briefly, drain them on the towel-lined sheet, then place them on your final baking sheet. Try to work quickly as it’s best for the bagels to go from the boil to the oven without much delay.

When the water is boiling, pick up one bagel and gently lower into the water. (You can use your hand to do this, not the spider.) Add 2 or 3 more bagels—whatever fits comfortably in your pot. Boil them for 40 seconds, then flip and boil another 40 seconds. Scoop out onto the towel, flipping over so the puffy, smooth side faces up.

Boil the rest of the bagels in batches. As the boiled bagels cool off a bit—it should take just 30 seconds to a minute—gently move them to the final baking sheet.

When all the bagels are boiled and on the sheet, take your steam pan and put it on the very bottom of your oven. It will quickly begin to steam; this will give the bagels their crunchy outer crust. Now slide the bagel pan into that top-third rack of your oven.

Bake for 10 minutes without opening the door; you want the steam to stay inside. Open the door, rotate the pan, and bake another 5 minutes. At this point, assess how dark the bagels are. Too dark for comfort? Drop the temperature to 450ºF or even 425ºF. Or not—I do 500ºF throughout the whole bake myself.

After the 20 total minutes of baking, the bagels should look puffy, smooth, golden, and wonderfully micro blistered. Take them out of the oven, then move to a cooling rack.

Wait 20-30 minutes before slicing them; I know, I know.

I’m not going to tell you what to put on them or how to eat them—that’s between you and your maker. Enjoy!

OCCASIONALLY AMUSING NOTES:

But Neven, am I not supposed to be using lye or baking soda or something?

This is certainly the typical method for making bagels: add a terrifying drop of caustic lye to your water while wearing scuba gear and praying on a rosary. It’s meant to create a certain bagely something, contribute to the chew or mouthfeel or whatever… After making several batches that turned out “alright” and weren’t any chewier than anything else, I gave up and started boiling my bagels in plain water. And look at me today!

Did I read that right, you bake at 500ºF? Some say, like, 375ºF?

Bagels I baked at any temperature below 475ºF turned out pale and unsatisfying. Maybe my oven is broken? Either way, give it a shot and drop the temp if you feel you need to. (My bet is, you won’t.)

Do you have a version made with commercial yeast?

I was not happy with the flavor or the bake of the yeast-based bagels I made. Sorry. —Sourdough Guy

What’s a proofing bag?

One of those things they use on the Great British Bake Off. They’re sweet! So much easier than wrapping plastic on top of dough. Get ‘em here. Oh and those flat parchment paper sheets? So much better than the dumb rolls!!

Can I make a dozen bagels?

You can, I believe in you! Just 1.5x the recipe (it should work fine in a typical stand mixer) and bake on a Big Sheet pan (21″ x 15″). It’ll be a bit of a squeeze to fit 12 bagels on a half-sheet pan.

Oh right, I don’t have a stand mixer!

Mix the dough by hand 🙂

Are those bialys up there?

Heck yeah those are bialys up there. Here’s how to do those: Ball up dough, but don’t poke any holes through it. Proof in the fridge as above. In the morning, pizza-shape it into a disc about 5-6″ in size, with a puffy rim. Top with chopped garlic or sautéed diced onion mixed with poppy seeds. Obviously, don’t boil them, just bake them.

How do I store any leftover bagels?

“Leftover bagels? Does not compu [giant hook drops from the sky and pulls me into the clouds, screaming] Once they’re totally cooled off, place your bagels in a paper bag or bread box overnight; they’ll toast up fine in the morning. If you don’t get to them that next day, then slice them and store in the freezer. You can then thaw for a few hours and toast.

That’s it! Thanks for reading!

P.S. I put pimento cheese and beet + smoked salmon cream cheese on these bagels. Nice, huh?

P.P.S. When I link to products above, I use an Amazon affiliate link; if you choose to purchase anything this way, I thank you.

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always-there · 3 years

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About a new job

Nothing beats the feeling of rampant success like being a trainee in your 30s.

I remember watching Friends when I was a teen and thinking that even though Chandler's career change so late in life was brave, it was also deeply lame. I resented his poor life choices, I felt that in his place, if I reached that age and had built a successful career, whatever it was, I'd just stick to it and make the most of what I had.

Now that I'm a couple of years older than most of the Friends cast at the time... man. I feel ya, Mr. Bing.

I have a consistent tendency to become a workaholic in no time and overwork myself to exhaustion. And with overworking and exhausting come resentment and anger towards my employer. Instead of creating boundaries or trying to solve the issue with my company, I go on until my body and brain just can't keep up with it anymore and quit out of the blue. The company, who was happily milking me to their heart's content, freaks out. They counter-offer, schedule urgency meetings with HR to talk me out of it. Because even though I'm dead inside and constantly burnt, I'm good. I'm really good at what I do, and I'm also what I usually call a working beast. Not in a hyperbolic way, in the farm-bull-pulling-a-carriage-of-debris-across-an-uphill-field way. So I invariably end up leaving in bad terms from the company, spend a month or so trying to launch my freelance career, fail at it again because my obsessive anxiety won't let me live not knowing exactly what my detailed future is gonna be in the next month, and start again at yet another company.

And here I am now. It's 7 am. I have to wake up at 6 am in winter. This is my third day and I already want to call it quits. It's winter here, so when I opened my eyes it was so damn cold and dark. Like, pitch-black night. It's 7 am and I'm working with a desk lamp on, which gives the whole apartment a look and feel of being working overtime at the eerie hours of night that does not help my overall mood.

I know, I know. I should be thankful for the blessing of having a job in this uncertain time and age, when so many are struggling to make ends meet. I am thankful. But I am also tired and in a deep no-bullshit state of mind and soul that is not convenient to start working on a new place.

What's killing me is how disorganized they are. To begin with, I started on a Thursday. Nobody said a word to me. I'm working from home for the time being, so you can imagine the feeling of WTH when you're staring at Skype on your desk, waiting for someone to remember that they have to train you. I eventually gave up. I devoted myself to reading the endless HR messages and whatever employee manuals they sent my way and then I binged a couple of episodes of Cherry Magic! on Crunchyroll.

Then someone showed up. I suspect they are my immediate boss, but who knows. I don't even have a company organization chart. They asked me to complete about 50 e-learning tutorials for a determined software, take the tests that would trigger once I watched it all, and send them the certificates of completion as proof.

I told them that in my previous job, and the job before that one, and the one before the job before that one, I used to teach advanced courses on that software for professionals. Do you really want me to do this instead of, you know, learning something more specific to my position that would allow me to be useful to you sooner?

No, do the tutorials. It will be good to review the basics.

Fine. My fighting spirit is dead anyways. I choose my battles now. My boss (I guess they are) made clear they expected the e-learning to take my whole first day, and vanished into oblivion.

So, I didn't watch the videos. I accessed the tests through a different website that gave people the chance to take them without watching that fuckload of tutorials, completed them in 15 minutes, downloaded my perfect-score certificates and devoted the rest of my working day to inking my webcomic.

Day 2 was no better at first until at some point near my lunch hour the exhausted coworker for whose immediate benefit I was hired appeared and gave me a task to complete. I won't bore you with the details, but in short, they asked me to prepare a batch of files to be sent for revision before the final delivery to the client.

I was not taught how to do it. They sent me a link to download a previous delivery to use as a reference.

I managed to complete the task, of course I did. It's what I do best, I find my way on my own under pressure and against the clock. But I'm pissed. I'm pissed because this, you don't do *this*.

I'm fine with it because I am who I am, a 30 year old with no soul, no expectations, and a ton of experience dealing with this crap.

But what if I had been a proper newbie in the industry? A junior fresh outta college, a kid on their first or second job. Do you know what kind of stress this situation would put them under? How awful it is to be treated this way?

I was in charge of training new hires before, and I took pains to make them feel safe and welcome. I would spend fucking hours burning their brains on shared-screen calls on Skype, showing them every detail. I wrote whole ass step-by-step process manuals, so simple and detailed they were annoying, so that they would know what to do even if nobody had time for them.

This neglect of trainees pisses me off. It doesn't matter that I am able to complete the task at hand, that I am able to train myself. I shouldn't have. Nobody should.

I know I say I'm dead inside a lot, and a great deal of that is thanks to years of abusive workplaces. So even though I don't give a fuck about a ton of things, unfairness triggers me. I won't have it, I don't want anyone to suffer it.

So yeah. That.

Last Friday the only coworker that speaks to me (the others won't even say good morning back to you, there's a suspicious lack of will to live in this company) called me an hour before my shift was over and rushed me through a ton of complicated processes and technical instructions and deemed me ready to undertake the next huge project that client sent, from start to finish. They would train me sometime later, they said, and I left feeling uneasy once I had completed my first hour of overtime on my second day.

I shrugged.

This place looks as toxic as it could get, but the person I am today is overflowing with nuclear waste, so I think I'm prepared to neutralize their shit with a ton of counter-not-giving-a-shit in return.

We'll see how it goes. Unlike Chandler Bing, I have no hopes here, so I think I'm better prepared to thrive.

#slice of life #new job #trainee #toxic office #the office #at least I work from home so I can shit on the clock completely at ease

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tvntae · 6 years

Text

heartbreak hotel 1

pairing: reader x ceo!jeon jungkook

plot: was sleeping with your boss really such a great idea?

genre: smut (eventual), angst, fluff

word count: 3.3k

You loved your new job, you really did but the days just seemed to drag on. You were kinda ready for new scenery, a load of fresh faces and just some newer air to breath in general. You wanted, no needed more creative freedom. You felt stuck, and you knew there wasn’t anything you could actually do about it. Unless you go to him. Now “him” was your boss, Jeon Jungkook. You hated asking him for things because he seemed so scary. He was quite sweet, funny and even a little charming. But he intimated the living hell out of you, and you’ve never been able to pinpoint why. Maybe it was because of the look on his face during those redundant teamwork building exercise meetings that were held every 2 months. He seemed to despise them more than anyone else. To you, he was the big bad boss even though around here he was crucial and level-headed.

At least, that’s what you heard about him. Rumors must have been that mans last name because people loved to talk, and when you say to talk you mean gossip. Employees would either be discussing Mr.Jeon’s newest ride or the latest girl he’s screwing. Word got around that he was dating some new model on the scene, not that you really cared or anything, but last night Karen, the older lady who’s cubicle is to the left of yours, just wouldn’t stop yapping on and on about it.

“Did you hear about Jeon’s new girlfriend?” She squealed over the phone, entirely too enthusiastic over something that had absolutely nothing to do with her. You could barely get work done because of your unintentional eavesdropping. Seriously, it’s not like you actually cared or anything about Jungkook’s life it just... you know Karen and her very loud very exaggerated story over the phone with Suzie, that works a floor above you in HR were taking your attention away from all your important work.

That very night you went home you let your curiosity get the best of you, and you decided to do a little bit of researching your self.

Your laptop was filled with tab after tab after tab of articles about Jeon Jungkook. Things about his childhood, his family even his surprisingly healthy lifestyle. You didn’t know much of the guy, other than he was your boss and he was only a few years older than you. Oh, and also those ridiculous fables people made up about him, but other than that you didn’t really know him, know him. No one did, really now that you think about it. He tended to stay in his office most days, and he rarely came to the company parties, not that you were invited to them for you to obtain such knowledge, you just heard it from Soyeon and Erika from the sales department during lunch break a week back. You knew you shouldn’t have been listening to their private conversation but it wasn’t actually your fault, it just so happened that they were talking about that particular thing while you had paused your music to text your mom back.

You looked over at your clock on your computer and saw just how late it was. Almost 3 and a half hours had passed while you were snooping on your bosses life and you hadn’t even eaten yet. You opted out on cooking, even though in that article you just read about Jungkook’s healthy lifestyle said he always cooks his meals, you decided on ordering out instead. You didn’t have the luxury of making home-cooked meals every night and mostly ate out to suffice. With the salary you have, you do a lot more saving and budgeting than big baller spending. It’s hard enough to afford a place in Seoul, imagine how broke you would go if you started buying real groceries. Fast food was convenient, and it takes a lot less time to arrive at your doorstep than if you were to make a meal.

As you placed your order, you started to wonder if Jungkook was the type of guy to like a girl who could cook. With the luxurious and lavish lifestyle he lives, or at least what the way the tabloids paint his way of living, he’d surely be the type of guy to like a woman who enjoyed cooking for her man. You weren’t really that much of a cooker, a baker yes, but cooking wasn’t your forte. You could bake up a mean batch of chocolate brownies, or if you were in the mood you liked to bake apple pies but cooking actual dinner? Uh, that wasn’t a trait you could say you have.

Once your food arrived, you decided it was time to watch the local news. It was always something you did back home. You’d order some food and then flip to the news channel to hear the current events of the world. Old habits never die.

Oddly enough Jungkook and his new girlfriend were being featured. Typically, when the company you worked for was on the news Jungkook name was rarely ever mentioned just for the sake of not drawing attention to his name you’d guess. Nochu was notably known as a great company. Most people didn’t really know that such a young guy was behind such a successful business. Frequently, in cases you’ve seen young CEOs, mostly it’s because it’s a business that was handed down to them from their wealthy fathers and grandfathers. But that wasn’t the case for Jeon Jungkook. No, he started Nochu from the ground up, hustled his ass off even before college just to create a name for himself. You had a lot of respect for the guy. You didn’t see him much, but he was diffidently a diligent man. If you ever have the chance (and the balls), you’d try to conversate more with him. Get to know him as your boss, not really on a personal level but more as colleagues.

If the news was anything to go by tonight, apparently Jungkook and his girlfriend were engaged. When you were doing your research about him a few hours prior there weren’t any mentionings of engagement nor was there any clear pictures of Jungkook with said, fiance. But the news seems to have evident photos of the couple together. And you were utterly blown away by the two. They were stunning together, hell, she was stunning alone. But together they looked so dominant.

“The nations couple” was what everyone was calling them on Twitter. Honestly, you could see why. They’re perfect for each other, and they looked so content. You were sorta jealous, not because you had a crush on your boss or anything. I mean yeah, he is very handsome and the mysterious type. You’d be lying if you said he wasn’t your type. But it’s really the simple fact that you hadn’t been in a relationship for what felt like 15 years. Your last boyfriend was everything you ever needed, or at least that’s what you had thought. Once he got a job offer in another city, he dropped you so quickly and left without another word. So you being you, you ended up on the other side of the planet in Seoul to finish college and start an internship soon after.

Your internship lasted for about 3 years and then you were offered a position at Nochu Corp. You thought you would be working for some old fat guy in his mid to late sixties. So to say you were stunned by Jungkook’s age and his smooth looking face was an understatement. You knew he could tell how flustered you were that day you accidentally ran into him with your high stack of papers. You were so sure he’d fire you on the spot, but he even offered to help you clean them up. He helped you that day, pick up all your papers, and you were so nervous you left without thanking him properly. To this day you’re still pissed that you made such a fool of yourself.

The morning dragged by slower than ever today at work, you were so ready to get out of the building and get home to your warm bed. Your uncomfortable office chair was starting to get old, you figured it’s never been replaced, and it’s been sitting at this particular desk for years. It often makes your back cramp up and spasm, and it indeed is a pain in the ass (like literally, it even hurts your butt to sit too long).

From the corner of your eye, you could see your department manager, Jiwoo come into focus. You start to pray that she doesn’t hand you another task for today and instead hands it off to someone else less fortunate. You could not bear to stay sitting at this desk for any longer.

“Hey, Y/n, how ya been?” Jiwoo asks you, a little too enthusiastically might you add. You could already tell you were a) In trouble or b) she was going to ask for you to complete another task for tonight. And God was you praying it wasn’t the latter.

“I’m doing good Mrs.Choi, how are you today?” You maintained a smile through gritted teeth, trying to stay as positive as can be. Maybe, just maybe it was an audit and nothing too serious today. You had a drama to catch up on today, and you could NOT afford to stay any longer than usual.

“I’m doing just fine, I was wondering,” here we fucking go, you think, “Youngjae called out sick for the week and we don’t have anyone to process the stats from this week and last well I need you to stay, maybe about I don’t know 3 hours after your scheduled time today.” The fucking bitch.

“But I-” you start, but Jiwoo soon cuts you off before you could protest.

“This isn’t a yes or no question Mrs.Y/n, I need coverage and your my only available person tonight. I know I can count on you. I’ll email everything that needs to be printed, copied and signed before I go and leave the papers on my desk, I’ll leave you my keys to open the copy room and, make sure you leave said keys with the papers you deliver. Have a nice night Mrs.Y/n.” And with that Jiwoo hands you her office keys and takes her leave, well not before giving you a hideous tight lip smile.

You truly hated that old hag. Out of all the employees she has in this department she chooses to always pick on you.

Night rolled by a lot faster than the afternoon, and you were finally able to stand up and stretch. Letting out a yell, since no one else was on this floor for the night you start doing the stretching exercises you learned from Youtube. The forward hang stretch would always be your favorite one. Anyways on to more important task, you grab Jiwoo’s keys and head to the elevator, since your department didn’t have a copy room you had to use the one a few floors above.

The empty hallway to the room was dead silent and even a little creepy, you know most people here tended not to stay too late, yourself included. You hated this place sometimes, it was cold, dark and scary at night. And you always felt lonely here when you stayed overnight.

Switching on the copy room lights, you mentally thank God that someone left the computer logged in because, for the life of you, you could never remember any of the passwords.

You logged into your email, quickly, 3 hours after your ass. You were going to print these papers, sign them off and put them in Jiwoo’s stupid office on her big stupid desk. Oh, and along with her dumb stupid office keys.

You were about 3 papers signed in when you heard a voice coming from down the hall. Your first instinct told you it was the custodial crew, so you brushed it off.

“Yes babe, I’ll be home tonight don’t worry about it... Yes... Yes... Wait, I thought I turned those lights off, guess not, but yea see you soon, love you, k bye.”

“Oh. So it was you who has these lights on.” Too focused on signing you didn’t register anyone walking into the copy room. You nervously spin yourself around in your chair and get up to bow, but he motions his hand telling you it wasn’t necessary.

“How are you Y/n?”

“I am doing well sir, how are you tonight?”

“Same. Same. Choi has you working late tonight I see, you don’t normally stay this late.” He says as he squeezes past you to get to the small printer. You smile and nod as your response as he passes you. The room was cramped. There was one huge sectional desk that held all 3 computers, and on one side, a small printer on the other and then the copy machines were right next to the desk. For it to be such a big building, this room had to be the smallest one you’ve ever seen. You turn your chair back around to finish signing your papers, the only sound that was heard throughout the room was Jungkook printing papers and your swiftness with the pen as you signed. You rustle a few papers around, trying your best to not look like such an unorganized slob in front of your boss.

It ended up taking your 2 whole hours to finish printing, copying and signing all 300 something papers. Jungkook had stayed in the copy room the entire time, mostly going through his email and answering texts. Wasn’t like you were snooping or anything, you were just surprised that man could type and text so damn fast.

Jungkook looks at his wrist for the time on his watch. “You take the bus to and from work, correct?” Jungkook turns his chair to his left to face you.

“Uh, yes sir, why?” You ask, bemused that he was asking such a personal question.

“Well, it’s late, and the last bus just ran 5 minutes ago, so I’ll be taking you home unless you have a ride tonight?” He raises his eyebrows. Jungkook knew you were new to the city and didn’t have many friends here let alone family. He only asked to see if you’d lie to him.

“That’s very kind of you sir, but you don’t have to-”

What was it with these people in higher positions cutting you off.

“I wasn’t really asking, it’s late, and I know for a fact you shouldn’t be walking this late, so I’ll be your ride tonight. Clean up, pack your things and I’ll be waiting for you outside of the building in the black Audi.” He starts to grab his things and leave, sending you a sweet smile before exiting the room.

It took you a second to process what just happened. Jungkook barely said 7 words to you when he first came into the room and then all of a sudden he’s offering to take you home? What parallel universe is this? For all he knew you could be a serial killer, hell he could be one. You were his next prey, and you didn’t even have a say in anything because he’s your boss.

Calming down your fast-beating heart, you pack up your papers and make your way to your department to drop everything all off.

The inside of Jungkook’s car smelled terrific. Like pineapples and bananas but also with a hint of mint candy. It was strange but also quite pleasant at the same time. You heard around the office that he likes sweet smelling things. Opting to buy women’s perfume rather than men’s cologne. You had absolutely no problem with that at all. It just showed Jungkook cared a lot about hygiene. Which is why you’d rarely see any blemish or imperfections to his skin.

“You know today was casual Friday, right”? Jungkook ask you while still keeping his eyes on the road.

“Wait, seriously we have those? No one’s ever told me.” To say you were disappointed was an understatement, you loved causal days, and you never even knew they existed there.

You frown at the thought of it.

Jungkook looks over to see the pout gracing your face, cute, he laughs to himself. “Yes, we have them a few times out of each month. There’s a lot we do there that Choi probably won’t tell you. It’s not as boring as you think it is.”

“I don’t think it’s boring.”

“Sure,” he draws out.”I can tell when someone is bored and you, Mrs.Y/n, are most definitely bored.”

You laugh at that, “Maybe you’re right.”

Jungkook turns up the music to the radio and you two ride comfortably together. It felt weird but also right at the same time. You felt cozy and warm with him.

You had dozed off about 10 minutes ago, It was a great thing Jungkook looked at your file for your address because you were in a pretty deep sleep. He honestly did not mind that you lived about 20 minutes away. It wasn’t that big of a deal to him. He could feel his phone blowing up with text after text from Jinah, his fiance. He’d just make up a little white lie and tell her he stayed an extra hour at the office. It wouldn’t kill her if he omitted the truth. He didn’t need her jealous rants, not right now, he was too tired.

You could feel Jungkook’s car coming to a stop. You knew it was time to wake up and in head inside your place when he nudged you awake.

“Hey, we’re here.” He tells you. You slowly lift yourself up, unbuckling your seatbelt and spreading your arms to stretch.

“Thank you so much for this Mr.Jeon, I’m sorry I fell asleep here.” You awkwardly smile.

He waves you off telling you it was indeed no problem.

“Just before you go Y/n I want to ask you something if that’s fine with you.

“It’s fine sir, go ahead.” You turn to face him. Figuring this must be something important.

“You see, I’ve been looking for a personal secretary for a month now and have been having trouble finding one I can trust. I was wondering if you’d like to be mine? You’d be getting paid more, get your own office but the flip side is you’d have to pick up more days. Is that fine with you?”

Woah, was he seriously asking you to be his right-hand woman? “Sir I-I don’t know what to say,” you were rightly left speechless, you had no secretary training, and he knew that, but he was asking you. You hadn’t even been at his company for very long, and he was already giving you a promotion.

“There's no need for formalities. You don’t have to call me sir or Mr.Jeon, Jungkook will do just fine.” He stifled a laugh.

“So do you accept the offer?”

“Yes, of course, of course! When do I start?”

“How’s tomorrow sound?” He asks.

“That sounds absolutely perfect!”

#bts #bts au #bts scenarios #bts drabbles #bts drabble #bts x reader #bts fluff #bts angst #bts smut #bts jeon jeongguk #bts jeon jungkook #bts fanfic #bts ceo au #bts jungkook #bangtan #bts reactions #bts x reader angst

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creek-cryptid-deluxe · 5 years

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WARNING DRAMA AHEAD

(Which is crazy because I try to actively have a drama free lifestyle)

So, awhile back I wrote about some issues in a friend group containing A & Em. Summary: I chatted with Em about A unintentionally making me feel shitty for FINALLY accepting my limitations & making lifestyle & wardrobe changes to reflect that. Em said she'd talk to A because if I did it, A might feel attacked & get defensive.

Day before yesterday, Em dropped by to hang, help me put together a shoerack, and go to a local costume shop that does rentals and serves all the theater departments & dance companies in a 70 mile radius. This shop is amazing, been around since I was little, almost everything is hand made with amazing care and detail, and the decor in their shop is ever changing, detailed, and super fucking cool. ANYWAY, we got on the subject of A, whom I've only seen once or twice since talking to Em about it & seemed ok both times aside from getting legit pissed that I'm better at macrame plant holders than she is. Apparently A currently thinks I dislike her or like her less or something. So I asked Em if I should gently talk to her about it and see if we can reach an understanding. She said she thought it was a good idea h really, I don't like one of my friends thinking I dislike them. So yesterday I pulled together some courage and messaged her. The following is the conversation that occured:

Me: So, I've heard that you are upset and under the impression that I don't like you anymore or like you less or something. So I'm gonna clear the air, but I'm gonna be blunt and honest with you because I'm not down for lying. K? (And let me go ahead and flat out say, I don't dislike you or like you any less)

A:I've just been feeling some reservations toward me lately. Go ahead I can take blunt.

(Spoiler: she cannot take even sugarcoated gentle level blunt)

ME: So here is the deal. My illness is eternal and is only ever going to get worse. In fact, it is constantly getting worse in small, large, and sometimes interesting & unexpected ways. Sometimes it creeps on slowly, sometimes it hits like an anvil was dropped on me. Therefore I am constantly having to adjust my lifestyle, activities, wardrobe... EVERYTHING. Very recently, I realized that I have spent the last 3 years trying to live my old life and just cope so my quality of life has been SHIT. I've finally truly accepted the shithole that is my health for what it is and have started to truly make real adjustments to my lifestyle, hobbies, wardrobe, ect. Because I will never get better and live in about 400 sq ft (at best) that means when I realize something doesn't fit my abilities or needs anymore, I get rid of it. However, I always offer those things to the kids & my friends first before donating them. But here's the thing, when I offer these things to you, I get a load of questions & comments that end up making me feel like I have failed as a person for realizing what has taken me 3 years to realize. For example: when I told you that Julia's candles were my last batch ever, there were loads of 'have you tried...' and 'I'm sure you can find a way.' I know you mean well, but if I'm giving something up, I've truly tried ever avenue to make it work within my limits and it just doesn't. Even after I quit candles in May, I kept the stuff (which took up massive space) until August because I doubted myself and was reluctant to lose another hobby. But I need to face facts and be realistic. Same with the sweater. I am drastically altering my wardrobe for whatever the upcoming season is to fit the fact that I need my cane at all times now (POCKETS) and the fact that my clothes need to be comfy enough for me to get dressed every day not just days I'm leaving the house. I've lived in PJs for the last year and a half and it's not good for my mental health. So all things that don't fit that criteria or my new altered lifestyle must go. And it's going to be a constant process because I'm constantly getting worse. The jewelry making stuff, I genuinely forgot you wanted it because honestly i don't even remember what happened yesterday, so I'm sorry. (I had jewelry making supplies that I can't use anymore due to -15 hand strength, which I gave to Em.)

A: I'm sorry that I've been putting you down and making you feel shity. That's never been my intention. If I ask a ton of questions it's not because I don't understand the severity and challenges in your daily life. I ask so many questions because I often find unconventional wacky solutions to peoples problems all the time and if I can be in the slightest bit helpful in finding a loophole or a way you might not have seen, I thought that would be better than just saying "I'm so sorry to hear that" I figured you hear that enough but idk how often you hear people actually trying to find a way. Like the sweater example, I would have been happy to take you shopping for a fun print material the made you some pockets. Outside like a cool patchwork with awesome prints, or inside like a bond detective. But you were so quick to snap at me and explain your whole situation like I am not taking you seriously. I ask because I want to hear your needs and maybe just maybe be able to help out. But if all I do is make you feel like your grandma did then I'll do you a favor and stop inviting myself over to make you feel shitty. I'm glad Emma always knows just what to say.

Now at this point, I stopped replying. I was kind of shocked at her response. Like, I expected her to explain her intentions, despite me making it clear I knew her intentions were good, because that's what people do. I expected us to discuss how things should be moving forward so I don't continue to feel like a failure. I considered maybe mentioning somewhere in there that if I want help or advice or solutions, I'll fucking ask. But I did NOT expect those last couple sentences where she basically stomped her feet and said well since this isn't going how I want, I'm not playing with you guys anymore.

After careful thought, writing & editing over a 5 hr period, I sent this (which are screenshots from my notes because typing is rough, I wanted to convey what I wanted just right, and now you have to click on them to see the full thing. I'm sorry I've failed you, the reader of this normal convo turned melodrama, in such a fashion.):

She responded at like 2 am (when I was asleep) so I saw there was a response when I woke up, but given the history of her behavior in situations like this (conveyed via Em, who has known her MUCH longer) I decided not to open it just yet, as I'd like to relax and enjoy my day. This shit stresses me out. I don't do drama and tantrums. I don't tolerate it from my teenage Spawn, much less fucking adults. I get the feeling that the response is going to be just as melodramatic & tantrum filled. If this is how she handles her intentions not aligning with the result of her actions that were driven by said intentions, then she's in for a real shock when she leaves the cuddlebox of college and enters the real world. Your boss isn't going to care about how good your intentions were when you accidentally burned down the kitchen of the bakery you work in. They will just care that you burned down their fucking business.

Welp, may as well rip off the bandaid. For you, my dear reader, to have closure I will read the response. Back in a sec.

OMG IT WAS SO MUCH MORE DRAMATIC THAN I EXPECTED.

A:I understand. And I told you where I stand. I am the type of friend that instinctually tries to help those she cares deeply about. I'm not the friend to just sit and feel bad when there's something I can do. But I have been feeling for a while now unwanted and you have confirmed it by not saying anything then, just talking about it to my former close friend, and then throwing it in my face that you have been holding on to a box cuz of me. And like the adult i am, I don't see why I should change the type of friend I am just because some one is ungrateful for it. I'll go help someone else leave their abusive boyfriend's in the middle of the night. for the people I care about I'd do anything, anything except sit and do nothing while I'm told how much worse I make things when I try and help. I will just take my good intentions elsewhere. I have had the worst year of my life but I don't remember you asking me once anyway. I wish you the best buy obviously your life is better without me and my negativity in it. I truly am sorry I hurt your feelings and I never ever wanted to. I cherished your friendship more than you'll ever know and you can ask anyone. But because I can't see myself sitting by biting my tongue around you and waking on eggshells because I clearly can't see the bounty between helpful conversion and being a cunt. Since I respect you so much I'll go ahead and remove that stupid cunt from your life so you won't be put down again.

HOOOLY SHIT. I'm not responding to that giant fucking dramatic pity party. She legit needs to grow the fuck up. Good god.

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kintallo · 4 years

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What's so hard about "people should be paid more for their work"?? You absolutely should be paid more than 13$ if you need certifications for it. Don't tear down other workers - work together to demand what you are owed. Unionize. Hold your bosses and companies accountable. Class solidarity is the only way to survive.

Don't tear down fast food workers either. McDonald's may not require formal education (although now they're getting picky about it) but you still have to learn to operate dangerous machines and clean grease traps. I can tell you right now, I do not have the skills to fry several batches of fries at once, do you? Why is that considered unskilled?

I suggest reading my post again, and actually READING it, because I’ve already addressed it.

What most often determines the pay one gets for a job is how easy or difficult the job is and how easy or hard it is to replace workers. There is nothing hard about learning to flip burgers, fry fries, bag groceries, and so on. ANYONE can do it. Teenagers entering the workforce often start with these jobs. Training is not hard nor incredibly time consuming, and there is no need to go to school or get certification for those jobs. Someone quits the job, the employer can easily fill the spot with a new employee.

My point, which I had outright stated at the end of my post and you didn’t address at all is if I get stuck making $15, same as a burger flipper or a grocer, how is that fair to me as someone who spent time and money for schooling and certification, and developing the skills needed for my job? If I made above minimum wave BEFORE the $15/hr minimum wage hike, my job should raise my pay accordingly. If I make $13.50/hr and our current minimum wage is $7.25, then my pay would have to be bumped up by $6.25 to about $20/hr. All well and good, but when the prices of goods and services inflate to compensate for the wage hike and things become more expensive, that $15/hr will feel no different than the original $7.25/hr. That $20/hr pay that would have been AMAZING to you and me right now would be worth less with the $15/hr hike due to inflation. The dollar loses value, and we’d be right back where we started from as when we had the $7.25/hr minimum wage. I stated this in my post.

My very first job was bagging groceries for tips. This was during the Recession, so there were times I made very little money. I’ve also worked in fast food, gas stations, and department stores, so I DO have experience in those jobs, I DID start at the bottom of the totem pole, and I still stand by that those jobs are NOT equal in worth to more skilled jobs such as soldering technicians, plumbers, doctors, and so on.

I can flip a burger, but can you repair a broken trace in a circuit board? Can you solder a solder joint that fits Class 3 standards which is required for things such as medical and space equipment where the solder work has to be flawless and a bad solder job can potentially cause deaths?

I’m also able to afford an apartment and hobbies on my $13.50/hr job. I don’t even need a roommate. It’s because I live frugally, take on very little debt, don’t have kids or pets I can’t afford, and I live in a state with no income tax. I’m fixing to get a raise soon, and if I decide I’m not satisfied with my current company I can go find another that will pay me better because I have the skills, experience, and certifications for it. There were points where my superiors have had to bargain with me to keep me because I’m hard to replace. I MADE myself worth more than minimum wage!

Here is the hard truth: Life is a competition. You want that dream home and dream job and be cozy forever? So does everyone else, and with a drastic minimum wage hike employers are going to have to downsize, automate jobs, or close down, which will reduce available jobs which will make employers desire more irreplaceable employees. That, in turn, increases competition. Which is NOT what you want.

You want to be paid more? You need to MAKE yourself worth more. Minimum wage hikes will only make things harder for you and everyone else. It won’t solve your problem.

0 notes

oflgtfol · 4 years

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had a dream that my mom wanted me to watch this movie called... cedar dreads? it was entirely animated and also almost 6 hours long. she was really pushy about me watching it so i put it on around 1am but. i could not keep it on for more than 15 minutes bc it was honestly really freaking and also it was 1am so i couldnt emotionally handle that shit that late at night, and also i’d be up till like 7am if i did watch it

so the movie. all the characters were dinosaurs and/or lizards but in a semi-cartoony, semi-realistic style. also they were all anthro and living basically as humans. the animation was super super good. but the plot was that like. i honestly dont even know. but it was super gorey and actually went really really far

like yeah i just watched The Thing and i realized my newfound appreciation for gore when its used correctly but like. holy shit. i had to turn this movie off when they showed a whole child being brutally killed and eaten by some monster thing. i had my eyes covered during that scene bc i just could not watch and it was bad enough hearing the kid’s screams. and it was only 15 minutes into the movie and i was like alright i cant fuckin do this right now LOL. and my mom got mad at me for not watching it then and there?? LOL. even though she has NEVER been up and awake at 1am in my entire life but ok

anyway i googled it and i dont think thsi movie actually exists bc i do actually kinda wanna watch it for real lol ;_;

in terms of plot, all i remember is that. there were these lizard anthro people living in an.. apartment building or something? but this one guy. was evil. somehow, whenever ANYBODY wnet into the basement, they were killed instantly by this guy. idk id he bargained with a demon or something idk but it just was not natural the way he was killing these people so quickly and so gorey but i cannot remember why he wouldnt be anything other than a normal lizard anthro person

anyway so then one batch of people brought this dog down. and i was like. oh my god dont kill the dog dont kill the fucking dog and i was getting so scared and upset LOL bc it kept just zooming into the dog’s shaky face without showing him dead. also now thay i think about it, kinda weird that theres just a normal pet dog in a world of lizard anthro people...? but whatever. anyway so the killer decides not to kill the dog for some reason.... and then it turns out the dog is also evil. the dog is not actually a normal pet dog bc its likr a demon or somethingg. it starts egging the killer on to kill more and more people and it feeds on blood or something and it started transforming into these more and more monstrous shapes, honestly probably inspired by the dog in The Thing now that i think about it LMAO, so anyway the demon dog gave the killer even more powrrs. so now this guy is a whole killing monster

and so he finally escapes the basement to kill more people, now that hes powerful enough to do it in broad daylight and kill multiple people at once. and so he goes around and just absolutely wrecks shit, spraying gasoline all over the place, lighting fires, straight up murdering people. all this while he’s a monster thing so im pretty sure he had like, tentacles doing all this shit, i dont think he himself ever actually emerged from the basement? Like all this was happening thru the basement window. so anyway then the pov shifted to this mother and child huddled up against he wall right next to the window, they thought they were for sure goners, but he wasnt attacking them so they thought maybe he couldnt see them. i think the kid was actually hidig in a mailbox and the mother was behind it.

but then. the guy suddenly turned to the mailbox. he originally just wanted to wreck it for Destruction reasons but then he saw the child peeking out. and so yeah he killed the kid. idk how he killed him because thatts when i hid my eyes and couldnt watch but i heard the screams and i knew it was brutal, even more brutal than the other murders we witnessed in the basement bc those were mainly in the darkness without much detail, and also it was a kid being killed which makes it worse. so i just had to turn it off bc this was only the first 15 minutes i couldnt handle 5 and a half more hours of this LOL

i THINK i had read the synopsis in the dream so i think this was just a prologue. the actual plot would follow some blue lookin lizard guy who was trying to stop the demon monster thing. and i remember reading praise from viewers who said it was like, a Delight to see his character development happen over the 6 hr runtime, how he started as some naive dude who thought he could stop it but slowly got jaded over time as more and more people died or whatever. idk. LOL . So i do wish i got to see that but apparently this movie doesnt exist irl so <3

#my dreams #long post #as soon as i woke up i realized 1. i had slept past all my alarms and now its super late #2. my neck hurt #and 3. i need to google this movie to see if its real #i mean all i did was google ‘cedar dreads movie’ lol #the title makes no sense but what the fuck ever LOL #I SPECIFICALLY REMEMBER watching it on netflix and seeing Cedar Dreads at the bottom of the screen yknow !!#so when i got no result i imemdiately came on here to type it up to make sure i didnt forget it #i mean idk why i’d think this was a real movie considering i definitely havent seen it so if it was real.. how would i know this much abt it

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shytiff · 4 years

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Small August Wins

1 - DL, did my part for PKP, read a bit about leprosy reaction (PKP related), watched a cute movie tune in for love, ara stayed over at my home, edited 1 pld article

2 - exercised a bit, edited 3 pld articles, DL, finished ppt tinpus PKP, walked to the nearby lake with ara, ate nasgor smoked chicken (been a while!) and jco donuts and my tummy is happy, felt afraid with DV exam huft. I hope I can prepare myself properly

3 - DL, edited 1 article, went to school together w ara, deep fried by dr adhi for my minicex (but i am grateful for the opportunity), emir took a while to pick me up (he left home 1530 and arrived 1715) so i did some status work, arrived at home super hungry but moms food is delicious and wow glucose is finally in (after previously supported by nasi uduk and 1 jco donut) and the pain from today sort of fades away.

4 - DL, tried to study as much as i could (the panic is real), went to kencana to get dr adhis signature at 12 but he replied my chat at about 1330 🙃 , finished self reflection, group called with my group for exam prep

5 - did not DL bcs i fell asleep!! Thank god for streak freeze, met up with dr adhi in poli regarding minicex bcs turns out he brought my status etc, hes very kind 🥺 dr yudo kindly took his time to answer questions via wa voicenote even though he had a tiring day 🥺 bless all the kind people in this world

6 - DL, alhamdulillah passed the exam with dr sondang and dr larissa even though i was being a dumb ass student (thankfully theyre patient enough). Honestly panicked during the morning, i was super afraid. Searched some drug dosage for renata. I hope she passes the remed!!

7 - slept and lazed all day :( edited 1 article, dv closing. Managed to say thanks to dr yudo even though i was lowkey near tears bcs i cant for the life of me say something even mildy emotional, DL at like 15 mins before midnight

8 - finally at lvl 3 DL by cheating with my notes lmaoo, ate burgers and half pizza by dcheese pizza but had mencret2 the next day lmaooo, watched bosscha virtual sky sightseeing

9 - DL, watched Summer Vacation, edited 2 articles, put some sheet mask on (the numbers surely diminished since my cousin took some 🙂 ), pretty much watched youtube all day. At night i dreamed going to a villa that kinda looks like matamori, and the villa near it was also booked by other groups of friend, and i was recording snow falling from the sky and snow on the cliffs, but there was also a snake under the bed, and writing patients resume -_-(?)

10 - DL, read pem psikiatri cbt batch 1 optima, 25 CBT PADI, a fruitful 2,5 hr discussion with dr Heriani, SpKJ

11 - DL, poli with mendel hari and dr Khamelia, SpKJ, mustered some courage to do the ppt, phoned the patient to ask a little bit more, fell asleep and thank god i’ve prayed isya

12 - DL, lazied and played get rich, felt sick and was sick, nose congested, head starting to hurt, i dont know what is it that triggered my emotions but when my dad asked "tiff kok bersin2?" i felt like i have no privacy and they were too intruding and i wept silently in my room (bcs ppl outside can hear) and yall my nose just goes 100% blocked. aint accepting air today. Massaged my face around the sinus area until i can somehow breathe nicely and fall asleep. (took about half and hour of snot cleaning, drinking and mulling around)

13 - since i felt bad abt lazying i started my day early. Woke up at 5. Put on tretinoin, 15 CBT PADI, DL, naskah psikiatri WIP (Work in progress). It rained today. The sky was grey half of the day, which I LOVE. I felt better and more cheery, especially at abt 4-5 pm when it was raining hard and im snuggled in bed. The laptop stand arrived and bitch it was fucking amazing. My back and neck muscles felt less awkward and/or sore working at my ergonomically-awful table and chair combo turned ok thanks to laptop stand!!

14 - DL, poli with dr cika, crashed aras place (drank thai tea, ate flip burger and sausages), it felt refreshing to be in a different place rather than seeing my room all day everyday. Afterwards ara indah and i ate po noodle bar, the taste was kind of herbal (not brothy) in a good way. Tried some sort of gyoza, it was good too. Juan got accepted at USU civic engineering. Went to atikahs place, passed a red light and i got ppl a bit annoyed lmao sorry :(((, talked with atikah until 1-2ish pm

15 - richeese and fried rice for brunch time, went back home (felt socially refreshed!) to see 2 bottles of sbux coffee i ordered, claras nastar and vit d supplement from tokped. Did RPS and ikhtisar for naskah. DL. Sbux' coffee still upsets my stomach lmao but it did keep me awake and focused enough til 11 pm

16 - DL, after staying over at friends place i feel.suer content to be just at home. Ate while watching erna limdaughs vids, sleeeept

17 - DL, naskah WIP, whipped myself to go do naskah by drinking caramel macchiato and playing coffee - bts. It tasted better when i hear jks soothing voice

18 - DL, finally panicked a bit and did ppt, read a bit abt bipolar, chugged hazelnut dolce latte and somehow its not bitter anymore it actually tasted good. Talked w mendel and hari a bit abt the patient

19 - the dr actually showed up to zoom while i was opening other screen and i didnt realize (ultra embarrassing!!!) basically my diagnosis for axis I and II were wrong. She was kindly explaining and i was more dissapointed with myself but at least its all over? Talked w hansel a bit. Revised a bit of naskah. Submitted hardcopy of naskah and refleksi to mbak Asma. Went to ara. DL, ate gwen's dimsum (quite good and fulfilling). Planned to go to kashiwa but we ended up getting bakmi akiaw. Went back "home" to DM, took only 35 mins.

20 - DL, slept half of the day since im on my period (what even is daily structure), woke up in the evening, decided to start “the folk of the air” series. Binged the first book in one go, from 8 pm to 1 am lmaoo

21 - DL, finished the series at night. it’s nice but not as good as six of crows duology. bts comeback with dynamite!! :) i love them. its scary to think they are still progressing and going up and getting better stats. When will it all stop?

22 - discussion with dr natalia spKJ at 7.30 am, DL, drank matcha latte at starbucks airport hub (been a while! It doesnt taste quite good as i remembered) while backing up HD data at drive and some padi CBT (finished TO 3. After all this time, only to 3?!), felt a bit better after i went out, read a falling cohabitation again

23 - DL, danced to baepsae, slept in the afternoon (my body is too weak nowadays)

24 - DL, psychiatry closing, 1 pamela reif vid, 2P (CBT PADI)

25 - DL, made latar belakang for propeks nemo

26 - DL, 4P, rapat nemo

27 - DL, met up with atikah pupuy @ toska, tried yogurt and fruit, mac and cheese, vegan mentai rice and had dinner @ bakmi gm. mom somehow told (and allowed) me to go back home (it was 9 am and i was abt to stay over at atikah’s)

28 - DL, i dont feel like doing anything helppp, i know there’s stuff that im supposed to do but i cant bring myself to do it. a week will pass by, a month, and before you know it exam will arrive

29 - DL, ordered burgushi, i literally have no strength to go at static bike (can only do for a couple of mins), didnt rly do anything else bcs im in a slump nowadays

30 - its scary that the month is almost over again. my life just goes away like that but i still dont feel like doing anything, DL, tried to follow some dances on youtube to move my body

31 - DL, 2A, 4P

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