#barely proofread this so it's probably barely coherent

[spkyscry-a]

@royalreef​ sent: "Vera?" She asks the question without opening her eyes. She's still not asleep, not even as the room is shrouded in the darkness of night, as all the little stars pressed into her skin shine. They're playing in a strange pattern across Miranda's shoulders, her arms and her hands, blue light that nonetheless brightens nothing. So soft, and so fragile, even compared to the glow of a lamp, or the rays of morning.

Her heart is beating in her chest. Miranda can feel it, as she lies there, lets the nightlife press down and into her. It won't let the calm settle, it won't slow. Her pulse has picked up in speed, afraid for something she cannot say, so she rephrases. Finds something different. Something that lets her hide away the worst of her hurt, place it somewhere else.

She's still just laying against Vera. Not looking at her, not even if her eyes were open, but there are still hints of her attention elsewhere. Her fins are lifted, just so, pointed back at Vera to listen to her response.

"If you could... If you could leave all of this behind. All of it, and never have to look back again. Where would you go?"

Vera was always a light sleeper. Even like this, the first stir of sound was enough to awaken her. Even as she didn’t move, her breathing only shifts briefly. It’s easy to mistake she wasn’t awake. That she had just adjusted in her sleep. There’s a few moments of silence, as if the question may just hang there unanswered. Until the slightly deeper intake of breath in the silence prefaced her beginning.

“I’m not sure,” she began. “It’s not something I allow myself to ponder, at least not for long. Not anymore.”

There’s a pause, the sound of fabric stirring as her hand begins that reflexive twirl of nonexistent blade beneath covers. That comforting little gesture she did when deep in thought and trying to center herself.

“But... Once, I’d have told you somewhere quiet. A quaint little place, somewhere far from the hustle and bustle of bigger cities. Where everyone knew everyone, in that idyllic little small community way they always told stories about but you never got to experience because it was not your place to. No running yourself to the bone every day and having to pretend. No adhering to perfection. Just able to.. be.” 

Again, Vera goes silent. This time, she’s having vivid memories of such a thing. When she could briefly pretend that was her life. It was.. nice. Better than nice. Before all the little moments with Miranda that made her heart soar, Vera would have told you that was the happiest moment of her life. Now, it was missing... someone. Something that neither of them could have, unfortunately. She knew it, yet, it didn’t stop the thought from causing something in her chest to sink like a stone cast into the sea.

“...Sorry, love, if that’s perhaps boring. With all the excitement, I...” 

She doesn’t finish the thought, just letting it dwindle there. That gnawing thought that Vera wasn’t as cut out for the life she’d thrust herself into as she’d hoped going in, but now was too woefully entrenched in to ever truly be free of it. Instead, she merely peeks an eye open, that faint red light being cast out onto Miranda as she reached to run hand gently along Miranda. Just reminding her that she’s here.

“...I know it is silly to say, love, but... if you asked me that now, right now, I’d say I’m quite happy just being here. With you. In bed. Nothing to bother us...” 

A bit of that giggle that was so unbefitting of the ice queen many knew her as. That genuine mirthful noise that Miranda was a rare frequent listener of.

“My, that was sappy, wasn’t it?”

[ode2rin]

it's all me, just don't go

pairing. itoshi rin x gn!reader

genre. post-argument, hurt/comfort this time (^o^) | fluff too actually (?)

warnings. swearing, and probably a lil ooc rin .. well he's a bit of a loser here (i like loser men) this is also not proofread basically wrote it on a whim T_T i also listened to "afterglow" by taylor swift while writing hehe so it's a bit inspired to that

note. it's the part 2 of this | i'm supposed to be figuring this whole platform out but instead made a part 2 of the rin fic bec he got me in chokehold istg

before you could make up your mind, you felt the door knob twisting, startling you. you froze, heart pounding against your chest. as the door swung open, it revealed a distraught rin hastily trying to wear his coat.

your eyes locked with his, and for a moment, you were both suspended in time.

itoshi rin was not known for being a man of many words, but for you, he rehearsed every possible apology he could think of as he’ll search for you in every street around. he would’ve apologized a hundred times over if it meant you would return home to him. if you’re not ready to come home with him, he’ll leave you alone. he’ll leave the apartment, if it means you’ll stay where he knows you’re safe. he’ll tell you he’ll be good for you. fuck, he’ll be the best for you. he would have changed his ways, toned down his ego, anything to prove his love to you. he’ll tell you anything, just please, for the love of whatever divine forces watching over him, please come home.

he prepared a lot to say, a lot to make up for. he never prepared for a staring contest with you right now. rin’s hands ached to hold you. he wants – needs to fucking hold you so close, feel your warmth and know that you were still his. but every thought and intention he had practiced vanished in the face of your presence, leaving him at a loss for words.

rin saw the hurt in your eyes, and he couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt in his chest. he had hurt you, and seeing the pain written so plainly on your face made him ache inside.

but the hurt in you was no longer remnants of the argument you had, it was because of your lover standing in front of you right now.

as rin’s eyes met yours, you noticed that his eyes were slightly red-rimmed and there was a streak of dried tears in his cheeks.  at the realization that rin had been crying, you felt your heart lay down in pieces. you knew how rin’s mind tends to jump into the brinks of overthinking. he must’ve thought you’re never coming back, hence him leaving the apartment and going after you.

the sight of him was far from what the world thought about itoshi rin. this was no egoist. 

no, this was a man, vulnerable and afraid, his heart laid bare for you to see. 

and in that moment, you knew, no longer a shred of doubt clouding your mind, that you definitely seen past beyond his walls.

you wasted no time breaking the suffocating silence that enveloped you both, your voice low and small as you uttered a timid “hi.” you couldn't bear to look into rin's eyes, instead opting to cast your gaze downward as you tried to form coherent sentences. “i'm sorry for leaving,” you managed to say, your words strained with regret. “i just needed some fresh air, and i thought maybe you wanted some time alone. i'm sorry–”

before you could continue, rin's towering frame engulfed you in a tight embrace. you felt his arms wrap around you protectively, and you couldn't help but lean into him. "you have nothing to apologize for, it was on me," rin murmured, his voice soft and laced with guilt. he wondered why the hell were you even apologizing when you had done nothing wrong but love him, despite being a huge asshole.

you were about to reply, but rin beat you to it, his words tumbling out in a jumbled mess. "i'm so fucking sorry, baby. i didn't mean any of the shit i told you. i'm sorry i hurt you. i lashed out at you for things you never did, and i took it out on you because i was scared over something so fucking lukewarm." you could hear the sniffling between his words, but you didn't mention it, instead burying your face further into his chest as he held you tighter.

rin's grip on you intensified, as if he was afraid he'd lose you if he let go. he took your silence as a cue to cradle your face in his palms and press your foreheads together, his warm breath fanning across your face.

“i’m sorry. i’ll be good to you, y/n. just please, don’t leave..” me. rin couldn't bring himself to say it, the mere thought of losing you driving him to the brink of madness.

he closed his eyes, unwilling to see your face and see a trace of rejection or any thought of you leaving him. for a moment, it felt like rin couldn't even breathe. the silence between you was again suffocating, and he knew he needed to hear something, anything. "please, y/n. say something," he implored, desperation evident in his tone.

“open your eyes, rinnie” at the sound of his nickname rolling off your lips, he hesitantly opened his eyes to look at you. 

glad he did, because you’re smiling. 

it took one smile. one fucking smile from you, and itoshi rin felt he can breathe again. 

“will you let me let you go?” 

“fuck no.”

you let out a small chuckle at the speed of his answer, all with his familiar snarky voice. you placed your hands in his cheeks and you can see the relief wash over rin's face at the gesture. 

he looks at you as if you're his lifeline, and in this moment, you are.

“you better not. because i’m not going anywhere, rin.” you say, your voice filled with conviction.

“i'm never letting you go,” he whispers, his eyes still locked onto yours.

you both stay like that, wrapped in each other's arms, basking in the warmth of your embrace. for the first time in a while, everything feels right.

tomorrow, you know there will be more apologies and a lot of talking. tomorrow, both of you will try harder to be better for each other. and tomorrow, hand in hand, you and rin will face whatever lies ahead.

but tonight, both of you will let your fragile hearts hold on to each other and your frantic minds to be at peace in each other’s arms. tonight, itoshi rin will spend every second convincing himself that you’re his to love and here to stay. tonight, he will love you better.

[lxvebun]

୨୧We've talked about cuteness agression with Simon but i'm thinking many thoughts about Price now🩷

୨୧Content: John Price x Gender neutral reader. Fluff! Slight suggestivenes but still sfw♡ brainrot format. Not entirely proofread so i'm sorry for any mistakes♡

!D*rk content and k!nk blogs DNI !(a*) I do block and report♡

There's a little bit of difference in the things that trigger that foggy lovesick feeling in his brain with price compared to Simon.

Don't get me wrong, dressing yourself in his clothes or calling him cute pet names will always reward you with a plethora of sickeningly sweet kisses and delicate touches but that feeling when his heart start to beat a little faster and the urge to squeeze you tightly against his chest or press deep bruising kisses against your skin until he's all you can think of usually happens in moments where you're not even trying

One of those moments is where you're just on the edge of sleep, your body warm and just conscious enough to feel the soft blankets enveloping you and strong arms heavy around your waist, sleepy enough for your mind to already flash you glimpses of whatever dreamland its taking you to tonight. You have a habit of intertwining your fingers with his before whispering a barely coherent good night and nggggh can you blame him for pulling you closer to him by your waist and pressing tender kisses to your already warm cheeks?? It's taking a tremendous amount of effort to keep the kisses and touches delicate enough so you don't stir from your sleepy haze but god if he doesn't just want to grab your face in his big hands and press wet passionate kisses against every inch of skin available...

The silliest one is probably whenever your shirt rides up exposing just the tiniest sliver of the skin from your lower back or tummy and that's all it really takes for that foggy feeling to come back. Has to slow his breathing and squeeze his hands into fists to calm down because poor you, you're not even doing anything on purpose. He's not entirely sure why these things give him the urge to squeeze you like a life-sized plushie but it just does and honestly, can you really complain when his touch feels like it's leaving behind a trail of stars on your skin, and his kisses leave you feeling a little breathless and very very much loved and adored?

Thank you for reading angels♡

[sea-lanterns]

Silly Empress au thought!

So we know and love how some of the Courtesans top their Empress, and others have a more equal form of intimacy. But imagine if some of the other girls wanted to give topping the Empress a try?

It would probably start casually, just Keqing posing a passing question to Beidou, simply asking if the other woman would mind telling her how to best please their Empress as the top. Which starts put with just Beidou giving pointers to be more assertive and things of that nature.

Soon it reaches out, soon Yelan is showing Ganyu how to tie shibari knots. Dehya is taking Nilou out strap shopping. And Ningguang having Ayaka practice on her when they aren't too busy.

All of this being the first time all the Courtesans can keep a secret from the Empress. Leaving our poor girl none the wiser to the multitude of sexual training arcs going on for her.

And just imagine the Empress' surprise when one day she goes to her quarters, just to find all of them, every single Courtesan waiting for her. All sporting their own strap-ons and a mix confident smirks and nervous smiles.

Oh what a night our dear Empress would have with all of them wanting to show off how well they can please her.

~🐁

…Yeah the Empress is not walking for a while.

The Empress is capable of domming Ganyu, Keqing, Nilou, Ayaka, and Shenhe (on some days), but if those courtesans were to suddenly find an interest in topping, the Empress is screwed. (Literally) There goes the Empress’ switch privileges (╥﹏╥)

nsfw under the cut—————————

No because the Empress is so confused as to how her more submissive courtesans were suddenly tying her up and fucking her brains out. All wearing strap ons as they fill every inch and crevice of the Empress’ body till she’s stuffed to the brim with silicone.

You have Ganyu eagerly tying you up with what she learned from Yelan, while Nilou is spreading your legs apart and thrusting brutally into your cunt like how Dehya does—

And Keqing is making you suck off her shaft while Ayaka is pinching your nipples in between her fingers. All of these things which they’ve learned from the more dominating courtesans of the harem, and leaving you all confused because when did these girls get so bold?!

You could barely form a coherent thought as each of the subbier girls start to quicken their actions, going rougher, going harder, all the while your dominating courtesans watch from the sidelines. Proud to see their “students” use what they learn to utterly wreck your body even more.

Of course, the subbier girls of the harem are not as proficient as the doms as they run out of stamina pretty quickly. Not to fret, however! As the moment each girl takes a quick rest break, the dominating courtesans decide it’s best to take it from here and show them just how good they are at destroying their Empress.

You’re already exhausted and overstimulated from how the submissive courtesans played with you, but now it came to the real sex part, as each dominant courtesan takes their position over your trembling body.

Yeah, the submissive girls topping you was just foreplay to the others. The real fun begins now…

A/N: wrote this without any proofreading. Just pure thirst and thoughts.

[hearts4hughes]

hi bestie bae! could you please do a luke imagine with little freak? congrats on 100 followers btw! i love your writing sm<33

little freak - luke hughes

luke hughes x fem! reader

100 followers celly !!

part 2

warnings: swearing, yelling, a tiny makeout sesh

notes: as usual, the italics are flashbacks (unless used in a sentence to emphasize a word). i struggled to write this, and i did not proofread it, but i probably will in the morning. this takes place for when luke plays for the devils. hope you enjoy reading!

gif is not mine

little freak

jezebel

you sit high atop the kitchen counter

“there’s no way i’m watching breaking bad, again.” you say, propping yourself on top of luke’s counter.

“hey! you can insult any other movie, but do not insult walter white!” he lets out a fake gasp, putting his hand over his mouth before putting the packet of popcorn into the microwave. “what else do you want to watch then?”

“i’m thinking,” a big smile breaks out across your face as you think of the perfect movie, “10 things i hate about you.”

you and luke have been together for three years. your friends tell you it is a ‘love at first sight’ type relationship, and it most definitely was. after your best friend, quinn, introduced you to luke, you both fell for each other. luke knew you liked him, i mean you weren’t very subtle with it. every time he walked into the same room as you, you could barely put a coherent sentence together. luke noticed and thought it was adorable. if he’s honest, he felt the same way when he saw you.

“there’s no way i’m watching that, again!” he mocks, moving so he’s standing in between your legs. he puts his hands around your waist, pulling you closer. your fingers find their way into his curls and your legs lock around his waist.

“please,” you whine like a child, throwing your head into the crook of his neck.

he giggles, considering your movie choice, “fine.” he shakes his head in disbelief. your head shoots out from his neck, a big smile paints your face.

“really?!” your smile is ear to ear as luke nods. quickly, you connect your lips with luke’s. the kiss is passionate and lust filled. his hands move from resting on your hips, to under your butt. he picks you up off the counter. the only thing holding you up is your legs gripped around luke’s body and his hands under your ass.

just as the kiss begins to heat up, the microwave beeping indicates that the popcorn is ready. luke pulls away, taking a moment to admire your now swollen lips and flushed face. he pulls the popcorn bag out of the microwave, opening the top to let some steam come out.

“ready to watch a movie?” he grins, holding his hand out for you to grab.

“of course, my love.” you respond cheekily, grabbing his hand and jumping off the counter.

a wet dream just dangling

but your gift is wasted on me

“am i just some wet dream to you, luke?!” you yell, angry tears falling from your eyes.

“what?! of course not, y/n.” his voice is frustrated, but calm considering the situation. he reaches out to grab you and bring you into a hug, but you back away.

“don’t you fucking touch me!” you scream, wiping your face with your hands. you try to choke back sobs, but they come roaring out.

“baby,”

“i’m not your ‘baby’ anymore, so don’t fucking call me that.” you cut him off and begin walking to your shared bedroom. luke trails behind you, desperate for you not to leave.

“we are still together, you didn’t break up with me yet.” he points out, causing you to whip around.

you let out a sarcastic laugh, “is this not enough indication for you? get it through your little brain that we are over!”

he flinches at your harsh words. tears begin swelling in his eyes, as he is not going to lose you just yet, but instead of saying something then, he just watches you fill up your duffel bag with various clothing items.

“no, please don’t leave!” he drops to his knees, crawling over to you. tears start to pour out of his eyes as you take off his sweatshirt you were wearing and throw it at him. he catches the sweatshirt, looking down to it in his hands. his vision is blurry- so blurry he can barely see- but this was your favorite sweatshirt of his. it was also luke’s favorite, but he barely got to wear it because of how much you loved it.

“i can’t do this anymore,” you start breaking down. your hands fly up to your face, wishing you could stop the tears flooding out of your eyes. “i saw photos of her with you. i don’t give one fuck about how drunk you were, you still kissed her.”

“i didn’t kiss her! she kissed me,” luke argues back. you both sit next to each other on the foot of the bed. the duffel bag falls onto the ground as he wraps his arms around you. “i swear. i don’t want anyone other than you.”

you and luke cry into each others embrace. he presses various small kisses in the crook of your neck, which you once loved, but now felt like nothing to you.

you haven’t felt anything since you saw those photos of luke kissing another girl. you really wished this hug would bring you back to life. revive your relationship with each other, but it truthfully did nothing. it felt like you didn’t have anymore tears to cry.

luke on the other hand, put everything he could into this hug. he knew it might be the last one, but he did everything in his power to bring back that spark.

was this really it?

the second he saw those photos, he knew he fucked up. he was blackout drunk and only remembered the girl coming onto him. the kiss was short as luke basically threw the girl off of him, but someone happened to snap a picture and posted it. luke raced home as fast as he could, wanting to get home to you before you saw the photos, but it was too late. you had been tagged and sent the photo by a thousand different people.

“i’m so sorry.” he cries into your neck. you knew it was an accident, and you knew luke was sorry, but the photo was tattooed into your brain. every time you looked at him, the memory tainted your mind.

“i know you are,” you pull yourself out of his chest to look at him. his eyes are swollen and bloodshot as tears keep pouring out of them. “but we need a break. i need a break.”

before he can protest, you stand up, grabbing your bag and heading out of the bedroom. he shoots to his feet just as you are about to exit through the front door, “i-, i love you.” his sobs make him stutter out the sentence.

in response, you only nod your head- giving him a look of pity- and finally leaving the house.

i was thinking about who you are

your delicate point of view

i was thinking about you

it’s officially been three months since you and luke broke off your relationship officially, and you are both broken.

it’s been hard for you to come home to an empty apartment. you missed the feeling of coming home to luke attempting to cook in the kitchen. or even when you’d come home to him passed out on the couch after a long practice.

i’m not worried about where you are

or who you go home too

i’m just thinking about you

it’s been equally as hard for luke. at first, his mind was filled with thoughts of you coming home to someone else- someone better than him. but as the weeks went on, he started to only think about you. when he passes coffee shops or flower fields, he can’t help, but remember the little things you’d say about them. you always had a delicate point of view for many little things like like that. what he didn’t realize at first, was how much something like this affected him, but it did.

laying on your bed, you scroll through the tv channels in search for something to watch. slowly, you pass by the hockey channels, coming to a sudden stop when you see the devils game. noticing that they are ahead two to zero, you set the remote down, allowing yourself to watch the final minutes of the game. there was barely three minutes left in the game, what’s the harm in watching that?

however, you didn’t seem to realize that luke had scored both the two goals- making him the star of the game. you used to love watching the postgame interviews with luke. it was obvious he was a little camera shy as he was fidgety and kept his answers fast and short, but it was adorable to you. but now as you watch him do the postgame interview, sadness courses through your mind. the interview is barely a minute long, but you can’t even get through five seconds of it before switching the tv off.

on the other side of the tv, luke always wondered if you watched the games and silently supported and cheered him on. in fact, it was the only thing that motivated him to play his very best, but he knew deep down you passed by any and all hockey channels as fast as you could, not even wanting to hear his name.

now an hour after the game, both you and luke, stared at your phones. your finger hovered above luke’s contact name- wanting to call him and confess that you miss him- but you don’t. on the other hand, luke’s thumb stayed hovered over the send button- waiting to send his text that read ‘i miss you. can we try again?’- but he doesn’t send it.

you both know it’s for the better, but it hurts so bad.

[beneathashadytree]

Hello! Can I request prompt 16 with mycroft from mtp? I hope you have a nice day!

FIRSTS - MYCROFT HOLMES X READER

Warnings : none I think, this is not proofread, reader is gender-neutral!

Genre : fluff n puppy love

Word count : 0.6K words

Additional notes : Hi nonnie! This was a very sweet request, and felt like a breath of fresh air. Hope you like this as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it!💗

Prompt : “You were my first kiss.”

Tip jar if you’d like to buy me a Ko-Fi!

Masterlist

The gloved hand that was stroking their waist oh-so-tenderly, and the other calloused one that gently tilted their chin upwards, couldn’t possibly distract them from the fact that they were being kissed by none other than the man they’d fantasized about for the past nearly 3 years.

Even in their most fanciful dreams, they had never quite imagined the softness of his lips brushing at theirs, barely there at first, before pressing more surely as they melted into the kiss—and his careful embrace. They hadn’t ever dared to picture how his shuddering breath would mingle with theirs, or how his touch burned in its wake, or how his blue eyes would look, darkened as his emotions swept them up altogether.

But there they were, actually kissing Mycroft Holmes, and not a single coherent thought remained in their head.

Stunned, they’d stilled at the start, before his warm lips and the affectionate look on his face completely robbed them of any other thought than to follow his lead. They hadn’t the faintest idea what to do, but to try and kiss him back by mirroring his actions was their best shot.

It felt far too soon when he pulled back, though they could understand that it was done under the guise of propriety. Only when he’d left a few inches of space between them could they finally dare to exhale, though that gave their body enough time to register the fact that their knees had suddenly grown wobbly.

“Oh dear,” they faintly said, stumbling a little as they tried to regain their balance. Mycroft looked a little alarmed, and his fingers fell from their chin while his grip on their waist grew tighter—a fact that only served to make their tummy flutter harder.

“Are you alright?” His deep voice was too near, and too much all at once. They could feel their face burning more with every second that passed, and knew that they must’ve been a rather embarrassing shade of red.

“Yes,” they managed to say, leaning on his rather muscular arm for a few beats, just so they could straighten up. “Yes, I’m only… a little overwhelmed.”

Mycroft frowned at that, an expression it seemed he was so scarcely without—though they, who knew him better than anyone else, knew that to be quite untrue, for they’d seen him smile so gently more than enough times than was good for their heart.

“Have I misread something?” His question was quiet, but direct. “Was this unwanted?”

“No!” they were quick to exclaim, before growing embarrassed by their outburst. “No, it just… you were my first kiss.”

A look of understanding came on his face, before being replaced by one of faint amusement. “Ah.”

“Ah indeed.” They sounded vexed as they brushed the front of their crisp shirt, though that was probably directed at their own self. “I’ve embarrassed myself, haven’t I?”

“Why on Earth would you have?”

Scoffing, they glanced back up from the imaginary flint. “Come now, it was abundantly clear how inexperienced I was. With kissing, I mean.”

“I hadn’t noticed, actually.” At their look of incredulity, Mycroft insisted. “No, really.” He looked painfully awkward for a half-second, before he cleared his throat. “Perhaps it’s because it was my first kiss as well, and I was too… distracted to notice.”

Dumbfounded (and probably even left gaping) by his revelation, they could only splutter out one question. “Uh, you…? I mean, what distraction? That is, what had you distracted?”

Another awkward clearing of the throat. Dark eyes met theirs soon enough, and the hesitation on his face might’ve even been counted as bashfulness. “It might have something to do with the fact that I’d been wanting to do this for quite some time now.”

Lightheaded at yet another shocking revelation, they shakily breathed in, voice coming out smaller than they’d anticipated. “Ah.”

“Ah indeed.”

Taglist : @sherlockscumslut @lilias-highlights

[gemma-collins-ily]

heya! saw your prompt list and number 14 with jesper as the character in mind is so hilarious yet endearing to me - imagine jesper trying to cook something that his mother always cooked for him before and is confident that he memorized the recipe but both of them end up almost burning down the kitchen. the reader might say something along the lines of "Maybe you should stick to sharp-shooting, Jes." before they both burst out laughing. (i'm not sure if someone already requested this but i'm requesting it anyway) ♡︎♡︎♡︎

Baking/Cooking with Jesper Fahey

a/n - sorry everything is taking so long but here's something! hope it's good! and it's also not proofread and wasn't written on the same day so may be less than coherent :)

warnings: mentions of food, eating etc.

oml the chaos

okokok

so

it's someone's birthday in the Dregs, and Jesper decides the two of you should follow a recipe that he always did when he was younger

you're not sure how true this is as he barely seems to recall what was in it

subsequently, you decide to attempt a draft of sorts before actually making the real cake

Jesper gathers ingredients and is actually so dedicated after all the planning that he spends the money as he first intended

you're proud :)

anyways

he gets back to the Slat and immediately comes to your room, grinning like the Cheshire Cat

you look up and match his beaming smile before following him downstairs

oh yeah, you also have to keep your arms out protectively to catch anything he drops

because he will drop something

and he didn't stop to put the ingredients in the kitchen when he got back

you also have to pick up the flour that he dropped on the way up and cradle it to your chest

he was about to trip on it

"Thanks, love. However, I have such grace and agility that I simply would have avoided that and continued to make my way with the utmost-"

then he actually does trip

over literally nothing

he catches himself before he completely falls

but icing sugar still billows in a cloud, even if the packaging is sealed

you're stood on a step, having been behind him and just staring

obviously, your free arm was reached out to try to help but it didn't do much

he just looks at the floor for a second, then you, then the floor again

"Oh Saints, we need to clean this before Kaz kills us."

there's a point where you both walk down the rest of the staircase slowly, avoiding the mini icing sugar mountain on the floor

you're both practically shell-shocked, treading your way to the kitchen, you taking some items off of Jesper for balance and to protect them from him

as soon as the stuff is set down on a counter, you start laughing slightly hysterically together

"Kaz'll hear us! Be quiet!"

His grey eyes grow large before Jesper quickly shuts up, grabbing a brush from the corner and crossing back to the stairs. He sweeps quickly and you're none too sure how effective it really is because he only stares at you the whole time.

after that, you begin getting out bowls, opening cupboards for inventory of what you already have

he's half scrawled a recipe

it slowly becomes more and more to the point

like step one is really detailed and takes up a third of the paper

then step two is only 'eggs. beat together smoothly. pour in with butter and...' and then there's a splatter of ink, a clear sign of hesitation, 'flour?'

you ask Jesper if it's meant to be flour, and he's so prescious

he's like yeah duh

then he cocks his head to the side like he's suddenly unsure

"Are you sure it's not sugar?" Your eyebrows raise, awaiting an answer that looks like it might not even confirm anything by the look on his face.

he relents

so step one isn't a complete disaster

however, sugar still ends up on the floor and you put on shoes so that the grains don't annoy you

you've descended into madness, aLREADY

so you don't bother sweeping the sugar up

you figure you'll probably only get more on the floor later

step two's fine until you ask him about vanilla extract and he just stands there

he forgot it

luckily, you find some in the cupboard

unluckily, you're estimating every ingredient

so Jesper just sort of chucks in a bit

obviously not really not you're meant to do

but it's whatever

I think he kind of just believes that this recipe can't go wrong because he never saw it go wrong when it was made for him when he was little

and he just views every recipe as resolute because of this

he thinks whatever he does to it, it can't be that bad, right?

wrong

you have a classic cutesy flour fight but with very limited flour because you honestly have no clue how much to use for the batter

you two still have a scrap of sanity and so remember to prioritise the cake first

so some flour gets dumped in the bowl, then he 'accidently' spills some on your arm and you 'accidently' wipe your arm on his own

the cake gets baked

Jesper literally crouches and promises to watch it the whole time

spoiler

he doesn't

he ends up watching you instead, admiring

you're also doing the same to him so it's not like you can criticise

it burns

literally chars

and smokes

you have to open windows and doors

he pulls out the result and puts it on a mat

you just watch the destruction tbh

you see him get slightly sad and then do the classic 'chop off the burnt bits, maintain its shape (ish), slather it in icing and no one will tell the difference'

Nina and Matthias are chief taste testers and this actually works

but it only works because the cake tastes so bad anyways that it wouldn't have mattered if you had actually given them the burnt offcuts

"They're trying not to hurt our feelings, aren't they?"

"Yup."

you attempted this baking thing a week before the birthday

this means Jesper insists you have more time to practice

not really a good idea but for the next five days you keep trying at this one recipe whenever you aren't on heists

more flour fights, more approximate measuring and more sweeping up fallen ingredients

more terrible cakes

they do slowly get better and eventually, on the fifth day you have something that didn't burn, looks quite nice, has just the right amount of icing

and is missing baking powder

it's flat

it's FLAT

you sit at the table, a slice of cake each and chairs a little too close to be practical, with the edges of them bumping against each other

his arm is around your shoulders and you lean on his shoulder

"Saints, maybe you should stick to sharpshooting, Jes."

All he does is laugh, exhausted, and you join in. You sit under the moonlight at ten bells and decide maybe tomorrow you should take a break from baking.

after the actual cake is finally baked, you two are so relieved

and it's actually an alright cake

but you won't ever be making that particular recipe that ways again

you actually began to measure ingredients approximately which is probably why it improved

every now and then you still have a solid week of obsession with getting a new recipe right

for a random gift, you go out and buy Jesper a stack of old recipes

he tackles you in a hug

a week before your birthday, he disappears every night

on the actual day, you are presented with a singular cupcake with a candle

he later tells you bashfully that the rest were burnt

you return the fact that you don't mind and that enough icing will mask the taste

he kisses you, sticky sweet

so, you share baking together, laugh at the things that go wrong and continue to cut off the burnt bits

[royrockstone]

Hi!! Fic writer asks 3 8 17 24 25 30

hiiii thank you for asking <3

3. how you feel about your current WIP

umm they are both (romencken and romtom) quite stalled but i feel good about them i think? if im ever feeling sad enough to rewatch church and state it will definitely spur me on to write more romencken. i rlly want to fully tie mencken to romans ed/let him have cringefail eating issues sex which im excited to dig into but also im not 100% how to approach it.

8. if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

i have a lot of bits and bobs ive never polished or published that could be parts of sequels ! like a bunch more eat what's rotten epilogue material that should honestly be fashioned into a final chapter to cap it all off or a spin off. i never finished involuntary, but it could have a kendall-centric sequel. i could also do a sequel to all the bourgeois social angels if anyone cared at all to read it.

17. talk about your writing and editing process

i rely on inspiration way too much for initial writing. almost all of my ideas start as a momentary flash of either one line, one exchange, or one central image and i just build out from there. if there's no flash, no writing comes :// in terms of editing, i am pretty impatient to get fic out into the world (i try not to be prefectionistic and not to keep people waiting) so i take my first or second draft, read through for coherence, for any places where the characterization or analysis is shallow or off, then proofread and maybe move a few paragraphs around before i publish. (this means i often regret how i went about writing something bc i Immediately realize as a work on the next few chapters that it was wrong or not a great setup or whatever, but better than never publishing ig)

24. how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

i have basically no non-creative outlets (lol) so i switch from medium to medium until im ready to write again. i also rewatch the source material or read other peoples fan works.

25. besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

cooking, reading, dancing, watching films and musical theatre, listening to podcasts about films and theatre, analyzing film and theatre with my friends. i am also fond of smoking menthols but i dont think that counts as a hobby.

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of

eat whats rotten is probably my best fic. whisper how im better than i think is the most structurally sound and the most focused. i have a soft spot for all the bourgeois social angels-- its a weird one but a good one? its barely fanfic its just an exploration of what it feels like to have an ED Buddy.

[starryevermore]

do not chastise the dove (15) ✧ steven grant, marc spector, jake lockley

do not chastise the dove ✧ a royal moon knight au | ao3 | pinterest board

pairing: knight!steven grant x fem!princess!reader x knight!marc spector x knight!jake lockley

series summary: you were a princess who would rather be anything but a royal; he was the knight her father forced her to marry—a true match made in hell if there ever was one. but, as the wedding inches closer and closer, it seems that, perhaps, your father had finally done something right by you. 

chapter summary: you make your side known.

word count: 4,571

warnings?: inaccurate depiction of legal proceedings, kinda very angsty, mention of waterboarding, mention of death and dove wishing she was dead, pet name (dove), not proofread

You felt like you were going to be sick. You probably were about to be sick. If you existed in a cartoon, your skin would have turned a nasty green color and your cheeks would have been puffed up comically large to show the audience just how sick you were. 

“You’re gonna be fine, dove,” Steven said, rubbing your back, trying to soothe you. It wasn’t working very much, but you appreciated the effort. 

“Think of it this way,” Layla said. She sat on the coffee table in front of you. She leaned forward a bit, her hand coming to rest on your knee, and she gave it a gentle squeeze. “the sooner it’s done with, the sooner he’ll be locked away.”

“I thought I had a few more days,” you said. Your voice was barely above a whisper. You were scared that if you spoke any louder, the force of using your voice might make you actually vomit. (And, okay, sure, that might have been an irrational thought, but you were allowed to be a little irrational—especially right now.) “They were delaying things. They were investigating. I thought it might not be until next week that I had to testify.”

While the last two of the hearing had been cancelled so that Parliament could deal with the media frenzy of Kieran’s reveal, as well as verify the authenticity of Benjamin’s confession, your appearance before the committee was to proceed as planned. There would be no more witnesses to testify. There would be no one else but you. And that scared you shitless. 

The realistic part of you knew that, at this point, your testimony was more of a formality than a necessity to put Benjamin away for good. Even if you fumbled and stumbled and fell, there would be enough to get Benjamin out of your life and off the throne. But the irrational part of you…It reared its ugly head, sneering at you, telling you that you were going to fuck up your own peace, your own happiness, because you couldn’t coherently string together the words to describe everything Benjamin put you through. 

Cleo hopped into your lap, peering up at you, and let out a soft, “Mew?”

“Oh, I’m gonna be fine, baby,” you said, reaching out and scratching behind her ears. You sniffed. “I’m just scared.”

“Mew!” Cleo bumped her head against you. 

“Yeah, I want you to come, too,” you said. You looked over at Layla. “Do you think Parliament would say anything if I brought her? I…I feel like I’m going to need all of the support I can get.”

“I’ll tell them you’re bringing her and that they can kiss my ass if they have anything to say about it,” Layla said. “We’ll probably have to leave earlier than usual, though. Just to make sure she isn’t scared by all the paparazzi.”

You nodded. You bent down and nuzzled your face against Cleo’s. She let out a quiet purr. “Such a sweet angel,” you whispered to her. “You deserve a tre—”

“Mew!” Cleo leapt out of your lap and into Steven’s, nuzzling up against him. 

“I take it back. You’re no angel,” you laughed.

“Hey, don’t say that about my baby!” Steven said, gently pushing your shoulder. “Maybe you should give her more treats and she’ll love you more!”

You stuck your tongue at him then laughed. Talking with Steven and Layla, being with Cleo…It made you feel lighter. It lifted some of the burden off of your shoulders. You wished you could feel like this all the time. You wished you could feel like this during the hearing. Instead, you knew when you sat before Parliament tomorrow, you knew you were going to struggle, and you knew you were going to struggle alone. 

Layla patted your knee again before rising to her feet. “I’m gonna call Sam now. You gonna be okay?”

You leaned into Steven’s side, rested your head on his shoulder. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“You let me know if you need anything, okay?” Layla said.

You nodded. “You’re the best, Layla.”

“I try, I try,” she laughed before fishing her phone from her pocket and leaving the room. 

Steven and you were both quiet for a moment, then two. You didn’t like the quiet. It gave you too much room for your thoughts to run wild.

“Can we talk about something? I can’t stand the silence,” you said.

Steven nodded, his curls bouncing slightly. “D’you wanna talk about the hearing or d’you wanna talk about something else?”

“Let’s talk about the future,” you said. 

It was nice, the other day, talking about the future with Steven. It helped calm your still-present concerns that they might leave you. If they were making plans with you, then that meant they intended to stay. It meant they wanted to be with you. And being able to frame it like that, it made the nasty thoughts in your head go quiet. 

“I think you’ll make a great queen,” Steven said.

You let out a quiet laugh. “I won’t have many powers as queen. How could I be so great?”

“But you have some powers, don’t you? And you’ll have proper access to your family’s money. There’s a lot you can do with that,” Steven said. 

“I suppose you’re right,” you said. “I would like to do something important, something that means something, you know? But I worry I won’t be able to execute it properly.”

Steven frowned, his brows furrowing together. “Of course you would, dove. You care too much to let things falls through.”

You shrugged, not entirely convinced. “I guess I just worry too much. I…I spent my whole life being spoken down to. It’s hard to believe in myself, you know?”

Steven’s eyes narrowed a bit, crinkling at the corners, looking more like Jake’s. A small smile curled across his face, his pearly white teeth flashing at you. “You wanna go somewhere that might help with that problem, dove?”

“Do I get to know where?” you asked, raising a brow. 

“Nah, ya just gotta trust me,” Jake said. 

“Then lead the way.”

“Summer Twilights?” you read, looking at the words above the gate leading into…where it was that Jake took you. “That sounds like some cheesy romance novel.”

Jake looked at you. He chuckled, shaking his head slightly. “You say that like you got something against cheesy romance novels, dove.”

“I wouldn’t know if I did. I’ve never read any,” you said. You looked out the window, looking at the trees you passed by. “I was only allowed to read academic books or classics. The closest I got to romance was Jane Austen, but I know that’s a lot different than a modern romance novel.”

“I don’t know if it’s that different,” Jake said. 

“Well, a modern romance novel isn’t going to require me to break out some Sparks Notes to try and make sense of it,” you laughed. 

Jake gasped. “You used Spark Notes? And here I thought you were just brilliant all on your own!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I was too busy memorizing every law in the kingdom to decipher Jane Austen!”

Jake laughed. “It boggles my mind that you had to do that. It can in handy, sure, but who even started that tradition?”

“The first queen,” you said. You rested your head against the glass of the window. “It was centuries ago, and it was the first time a woman sat on the throne. She didn’t garner the same respect as the kings before her, so she had to fight tooth and nail for people to take her seriously. Memorizing all of the laws was part of it. If she knew them all, then surely she must know a thing or two about running a kingdom. Today, though, it’s more of a bragging point than anything else.”

“Your family is weird.”

“You’re not weird.”

You looked over at Jake, seeing the way his face burned red. A smile stretched across his face, revealing his pretty little dimpled cheeks. He let out another laugh, shaking his head as he said, “You’re too good for this world, dove.”

“Not too good,” you corrected, “just honest.”

“Well, you’re in a good place to be honest, dove,” Jake said. He pulled up to a small house surrounded by various buildings. You couldn’t really tell what the property was supposed to be. “Summer Twilights is a self-healing treat. Most people stay here for longer periods of time, but I started coming up on the weekends when I started fronting more regularly. It helped me work through some problems. I haven’t been up here for a while because, well…You know. But I thought it might help you if you could talk about what you went through in a safe environment before you have to talk about it at the hearing.”

“Jake—” Tears started welling up in your eyes. “—that’s so thoughtful of you.”

He took your hand in his, lifting it to his mouth, and pressed a kiss to the top of your hand. He reached out with his other hand, ran his thumb under your eye, wiping the tears away. “You deserve it, my dove.”

Jake put the car into park. He dropped your hand, getting out of the car, and walked around to the other side, opening your door for you. He extended his hand, helping you out, then shut the door. Jake locked the car, hitting the button on the key once, twice. You jumped slightly when the car beeped at the second hit of the button. 

“I’m so sorry, dove—” Jake started to say. 

“No, no, it’s not your fault,” you said. You squeezed his hand. You didn’t want him to believe that he had done something wrong—because he hadn’t. He couldn’t help that you were on the jumpy side now. He shouldn’t feel bad for every time you got a little spooked. “Please, don’t ever feel like you’re at fault when I jump like that. Okay? I know you don’t mean anything by it.”

Jake didn’t say anything. Instead, he looked straight ahead, at a man wearing all white approaching the two of you. He was older, late 40’s, early 50’s, perhaps. But he looked older than that, with his slightly disheveled appearance and slumped shoulders. Despite that, he wore a bright smile as he approached you and Jake. 

“Jake, welcome back!” he said to your fiancé. Then he looked at you, his eyes wide and curious, and said, “And you must be Y/N. I’m Emil, it’s lovely to meet you.”

“Likewise,” you said. 

“Well, come on, come, everyone’s waiting!” Emil said, waving his arm for you to follow him to one of the buildings. 

You looked at Jake. “Everyone?” 

“You’ll see.”

Emil led the two of you into a building that you could only describe as what you imagine a mess hall at a summer camp might look like (minus, of course, the shouting children and various tables scattered about). The walls were covered in wood panelling. The floors were the same shade of wood, so if you relaxed your eyes enough, it was impossible to tell where the walls ended and the floor began. Most curiously, thee was a circle of folding chairs in the center of the room. All but three of the seats were filled. 

“I thought you said this was a retreat? This looks more like a support group.”

“Eh, retreat, support group, what’s the real difference?”

A gasp came from one of the people seated in the circle. She was the only other woman present besides you. She was on the shorter size, but when she leapt from her seat, she had the sort of presence that could dominate a room. Her curls bounced as she walked up to you, a wide smile across her face. She looked familiar, but you couldn’t quite place her face. 

“Hello!” she greeted, extending her hand. “I’m Jen—Jennifer Walters. And I just wanted to say that I really admire the way that you haven’t let anything that’s happened to you keep you down. I had brief stint in the media a few months ago—completely slandered! they’re a whole bunch of vultures!—and it took everything in me to not give up.”

You blinked slowly as you shook her hand. Oh, had she been the lawyer who’d gotten into a courtroom brawl with some woman who’d gone crazy at a traffic court proceeding then started fighting everyone in the courthouse? Oh, yes, that had been her. You remembered what the media said about her—called her a psycho, chastised her for saving the jury from a woman hellbent on harming them. “It’s not easy,” you said. You looked at Jake beside you. “But I have a good support system.”

“Well, I hope we can add to that. Come on, everyone take a seat.” Emil said, ushering you all towards the chairs. You took a seat between Jake and Jen. Emil sat on the other side of Jen.“Let’s begin, shall we? Y/N, I know it’s your first time with us, but would you like to start? Jake had mentioned to me that you wanted to have some practice before the hearing.”

You blinked. “Oh, sure. Do I just…say my name and then talk about whatever I want?”

“That’s right. Just do whatever you’re comfortable with.”

You nodded. You took a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart. Fuck. You thought you might have some time before you had to start talking. “Um, I’m Y/N—”

“—hi Y/N!” the circle echoed.

“—and…Well, if there was one way to describe my family, it would be that you’d think we were living in a soap opera with all the insanity that’s happened in recent weeks.” Your heart thumped, hard. You could hear the blood pumping in your ears. Turning your gaze to your lap, where you held your hands clasped together, you continued, “I never really considered my family to be loving. Except for my mother, of course. She was the only one who ever liked me, for me. My father and brother, on the other hand…It was clear they saw me as a thorn in their side. It didn’t bother me so much, until my mother died.”

You reached over, grabbing Jake’s hand. He squeezed your hand, tight. “I think she shielded me from their…disapproval. When she was gone, there was no one to stop them from being needlessly cruel. I-I started to think that if I was better, if I did more, if I tried harder, they might not look at me as if I was the scum on their shoes. Now I know that, at least for Benjamin, I never would have been good enough. Kieran…He and I are on better terms, I suppose. He at least apologized for what he’s done. But every time I look at him, I see Benjamin. And every time I see Benjamin…I wish that his attempts to kill me had been successful.”

Jen, from the other side of you, reached over and held your free hand. “The world would be worse without you,” she said. “Everything he said to you, everything he did…He’ll be punished for it. He had no right to treat you that way.”

“That man is not your father,” one of the men in the circle said. He raised his hand, giving a slight wave. “I’m Dirk, Your Majesty.”

“I’m not the Queen, Dirk,” you said. “And you don’t have to use any formalities.”

“Nah, you’re already Queen!” another man said. “William Taurens, Your Majesty. You’re already Queen, even if it’s not been made official yet.”

You furrowed your brows together, looking at each of the people seated in the circle. “Do you all feel that way?”

They all nodded. Dirk said, “You’ve been Queen to us, and a ton of other people, ever since it came out that Benjamin was behind your kidnapping and poisoning. We don’t respect a man who tries to kill his kid.”

“Everyone’s been calling you the Queen Dove,” William said. “You know, because you’re gonna be Queen and your fiancés call you dove.”

“I think she got that,” a third man said. “Alejandro, Your Majesty. It’s been all over the news, even more so after Kieran presented that tape at the hearing. Haven’t you noticed?”

You glanced at Jake, then at Alejandro. “I stopped watching the news when all I saw was so-called journalists trashing my fiancés and saying they were behind the rift in the family. I was too scared, too upset, about what I could possible see to watch anymore.”

“You should take another look,” Jen said. “I think you might be surprised by how many people stand behind you.”

Perhaps you would be. If they were anything like the people sitting next to you, you supposed things might not be so bad after all. 

You looked at Jake again, smiling slightly. “Thank you for bringing me here,” you said. 

“Anything for you, my dove.”

“Fuck, you two are so cute!”

“Jen, you’re ruining the moment!”

You fought the urge to pick at your dress. You’d been sitting, waiting for the hearing to start, for well over an hour. You’d arrived even earlier than that. There was some benefit to it—you were able to avoid most of the paparazzi that crowded outside the hotel and the Parliament building. There were still a few, to be sure. There were enough that cared more about getting the first shot of you than they cared about meeting their own basic needs. So you still had to wade through a sizable crowd. But it was far less than what might have been gathered if you left later in the morning. Once in the safety of the Parliament building, you, Jake, and Cleo took some time to walk around until your anxieties got the best of you and you needed to sit down. 

Now, it was hard for you to keep your thoughts from spiraling. 

“Take deep breaths,” Jake said. He took your hand in his, intertwining his fingers with yours. You squeezed his hand, tight. “Just focus on your breathing. Okay, dove?”

You sucked in a deep breath, your eyes fluttering shut as you exhaled. In your lap, Cleo stirred and she placed her two front paws on your chest, leaning up and bumping her nose against yours. 

“Mew?”

“I'm feeling better, baby,” you said to her, scratching behind her ears. She nuzzled her head against you, purring softly. “I’m glad you’re here. You’re helping me so much, baby.”

“Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?” Jake pouted. 

You reached out, cupped his chin in one hand and pulled him down. You kissed him gently, smiling against his lips. “Definitely not chopped liver.”

“Hey, isn’t this supposed to be a legal proceeding? Don’t make out with your fiancé here!”

You pulled away from Jake, turning your head to see the support group from Summer Twilights walk into the room. You let out a laugh. You hadn’t expected them to be here. The room had been packed full every day of the hearing so far. You were fairly certain people had paid for their seats. How did they even get in? 

“You’d do the same if you were in my shoes, Jen,” you said, shaking your head at her. You looked at Jake. “Did you…?”

“Layla called in another favor,” Jake said. “We plan on milking the Parliament’s fuck up for as long as possible.”

You let out a laugh. You looked back at the group. “I’m glad you’re hearing. Come, sit in the front.”

They all filed up to the front of the room, filling out the entire front row (save for two empty seats for Jake and Layla). 

“You’re gonna do great, Your Majesty,” Dirk said. 

“Yeah, they’re gonna have a coronation right here and now when you get done!” William said. 

“Time to wheel out the Crown Jewels!” Alejandro shouted. 

You laughed a little harder. “Thank you all for being here. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course we’d be here for you, Y/N,” Jen said. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

You looked at each of them, an odd feeling settling in your chest. You never really had many friends before. Just Layla for a long time, and then your fiancés. Tears started to prick at your eyes. “I couldn’t ask for better friends.”

And you truly couldn’t. They, and Jake and Cleo, distracted you from your anxieties as you waited for the hearing to begin. It was easy to forget what you were about to do when you could talk to them. And when Matt, Foggy, and Layla joined? It almost felt like you weren’t about to do something that scared you half to death. 

But then the crowd started to gather. The energy shifted. You couldn’t ignore the way that people tried to peer over at you, ready to make a story about each and every one of your reactions. Your smile dropped. Instead, you now wore a more solemn, near-neutral expression. You twisted back around to face the front. You tried to steady your breathing. You didn’t want to begin the hearing with a panic attack. 

Soon enough, the members of Parliament conducting the hearing filed into the room and took their seats. Behind you, Jake whispered a “good luck” and Layla whispered a “you’re going to do amazing”. At the front of the room, Sam banged his gavel and called for order. 

“Good morning,” Sam said to you after a hush fell over the crowd. “I’m sure you’re familiar with the process by now. Please state your name and occupation for the record.”

“My name is Y/N,” you said. You paused, considering your words. Princess didn’t do it justice. The Future Queen was too ambitious. You settled on— “And I’m the rightful heir to the throne.”

One of the members of Parliament, John Walker, raised a brow. He hadn’t spoken much during the hearing. He had asked a few questions of Benjamin. From what you gathered, he was on Benjamin’s side of things. It came as no surprise, then, when he said, “That’s a rather bold statement to make. Do you really think it’s appropriate under the circumstances.”

Cleo hissed at him. You scratched behind her ears, trying to calm her down, as you said, “It’s the truth. At this point, it’s undeniable that Benjamin had an affair and posed Kieran as the heir when Kieran has never been legitimate. Perhaps it is cruel to say it now, when he’s seated just feet away, but it’s far less cruel than anything I have endured.”

“You’ve endured more than most,” Wanda said, not bothering to hide her glare at Walker. Her eyes softened as she looked back to you. “We’ve gotten a decent picture at what life was like behind the palace walls. But the picture is not yet complete. Could you please explain to us what your relationship was like with your family?”

Cleo nuzzled her head against your chest, peering up at you with wide eyes. You sucked in a deep breath. “Complicated is, perhaps, the best word to describe it. In recent weeks, I…have struggled to call Benjamin and Kieran family. They are undoubtedly my blood, but I’ve learned that that’s not enough. My mother, however…She was my real family.”

“Indeed, it’s been well reported how close you were with us,” Wanda said. 

“She was my mother and best friend,” you said. “She shielded me from Benjamin for as long as she could. I’m forever grateful for that. Had it not been for her…I don’t know if I would have ever gotten this far. I certainly wouldn’t be the same person. She showed me the good, the light, in the world. She made sure I knew kindness. She was the most amazing person I’ve ever known.” Your lower lip wobbled. Shit. You didn’t want to cry this early on. And, yet, the tears sprung to your eyes, and your voice wavered, as you continued, “When Benjamin had me kidnapped, all I wanted was to experience her kindness just one more time before I died.”

“Just to clarify, and I understand this is difficult to talk about, Your Maj—Your Highness—you thought you were going to die?” Monica asked.

“Benjamin failed once. I know him well enough that he’d do anything to make sure he didn’t fail again,” you said. “What I went through…it was beyond cruel. It was sadistic. I’ve tried to forget a lot of it. But it stays…I don’t think it’ll ever go away. II can’t take a shower, I can’t wash my hair, I can’t wash my face, without going back to that room. I remember being strapped to the chair, a cloth wrapped around my head. I remember Harrow dumping water on me. I remember feeling like I was drowning. I remember wishing I was drowning. If I was drowning, at least it would have ended.”

A sort of unease settled in the room. No one said anything for a beat, then two. 

“Your Highness—” Walker started. 

“In some ways, I suppose Benjamin won. A part of me did die then. Every time I’ve come here, every time I’ve left the safety of my room, I think it’s the end. I question who I can trust. Someone I thought had been assigned to me a bodyguard was the one who took me. How do I know that the reporters outside are safe? How do I know if the person who cooks my food is safe? How do I know anyone is safe? I used to be able to trust more easily. Now, I’m less sure. I don’t know if I’ll ever be sure again.”

“Your Highness, please only speak when you’ve been asked a question,” Walker said.

“She had been asked a question,” Monica said, narrowing her eyes at Walker. “I asked her to clarify. She did.”

Sam banged his gavel once, silencing the two. He looked to you. “As Prime Minister, I would like to formally apologize for the role that we played.”

“Respectfully, I think it’s a little late for apologies,” you said. 

Sam nodded. “I understand. While we’re on the topic of apologies, could you elaborate on your relationship with your brother, Kieran?”

You shrugged. “I feel as he explained it well enough when testified. He wanted to be like Benjamin. He acted like Benjamin. It was only earlier this week that I knew he had a change of heart.”

“Did you forgive him?” Walker asked. 

“I asked if he was going to be a coward like Benjamin. Kieran said he never wanted to be like that man again. That was the end of it,” you said. “After his testimony, I’m not sure. He did something right, he did something good. But he still hurt me for so many years, for no good reason. I think it’s going to take a lot for me to feel comfortable to let him my life.”

“If I may change the subject, Your Highness,” Natasha said, “but I think it’s important to ask, given the nature of this hearing is to remove your father from the throne. Do you want to be Queen?”

You answered without giving it much thought. “I never thought much about it until recent weeks. I always assumed I would be married off to some foreign dignitary, sent far away from here. I didn’t think I had the right to rule. But after everything I’ve been through, there is nothing I would rather do. If Benjamin was killing to kill me, I can only imagine the horrible things he has done as King that has gone unnoticed. I don’t want anyone to suffer the way I have. I want to do right by the people.”

You took a pause, looking at Cleo who was curled up on your lap, then back to your entire row of a support group behind you. You looked at the people around the room, all of them watching you with bated breath. You looked at Benjamin, who struggled to maintain his poker face. You turned back around. 

“There would be no greater honor than if I could serve my people as Queen. There is nothing else I would rather do.”

[downrightembarassing]

Creep

Stuck traveling through hyperspace is boring, so you decide to have a little fun by yourself, which eventually involves Cad Bane and thoroughly humiliates Rako Hardeen.

Fair warning, this fic is downright mean to Obi-Wan Kenobi/Rako Hardeen. I wanted Cad to have a win.

Warnings: trash, F/M, 18+++, P in V, voyeurism, cuck, kinda, dub-con, fingering, Cad’s an ass and I’ll stand by that, toxic, proofreading is not my jam, written while sleep deprived, self-indulgent, barely coherent, self-love?, idk what tags are blocked now homies, not canon, but Obi kind of a sad sack

Inspired by an amazing fic by @galacticrepublicwarcrimes

Anatomy as always inspired by @sinisterexaggerator

——————————————————————-

Hyperspace is boring.

I mean, yeah the ability to cross inconceivable distance quickly and the blue glowing tunnel is fascinating the first couple times, but you’ve been hopping rides across galaxy for over a decade now and it’s just…boring. This trip is going to take a while, one end of the Galaxy to the other. The geriatric cruise liner you’re traveling in doesn’t help, just heaps of filthy empty cabins. The only decent livable space is the main entryway, behind the cockpit and everyone on board made do with whatever bedding they could salvage.

Unfortunately the main entryway is also full of egotistical, annoying, downright arrogant bounty hunters and they can not seem to. Stop. Arguing.

I mean, granted you’re a bounty hunter, but you’re really hoping you’ve never been this bad. Why had you agreed to this job again? Oh yeah. Credits.

The noise from across the hold gets louder.

Cad Bane and Rako Hardeen. Those two had been at each other’s throats since the start of this job and it just seems to escalate. Insults are flying across between the two and it’s getting unbearable to stay in the same space.

Bane’s hand twitches towards the blaster slung against his thigh, probably a habit formed after wearing that massive trench coat for so long. That subtle movement, pushing the coat out of his way. Even though he’s not in it now the movement is an indication of his intentions, a threat of violence.

It’s your cue to leave. No reason to get caught in the crossfire between two idiots and their egos. Standing up and stretching your shoulders you trot off to explore the scrap heap hurtling through hyperspace.

——-

A half hour or so passes and you stumble across a slightly less filthy room. It was obviously an office at some point, the ornate desk and chair in the center of the room point to the ship’s luxurious past. There’s a closet against one wall, large enough for coats and not much else besides.

Settling yourself in the ornate chair you take a deep breath, no blaster shots had echoed through the ship so it’s reasonable to assume the two jackasses had controlled their respective tempers. Your mind wanders to the blue Duros.

Cad Bane. You’ve heard of him, who hasn’t, but this was the first time you’d set eyes on him. Tall, thin but with a surprising amount of strength in his lean body. Watching him sneer at Hardeen, thin lips pulling back over fangs and the toothpick clenched…long fingers twitching for a blaster.

Well shit, you think, managed to turn yourself on girl.

With another glance around the room you settle further back into the chair, unlace the front of your trousers, and slip a hand inside.

Nothing better to do in hyperspace after all.

——-

Cad Bane leans against the cold durasteel of the ship’s hold, hat pulled low, toothpick rolling idly between his thin lips. Everything about this job has been an annoyance. Every annoyance has centered around that damn sniper. A rattle rolls through his chest. Should have just shot the bastard, instead he’s sitting across the length of the ship getting some rest of his own.

Hyperspace is boring. Especially when he’d rather be putting that annoying sniper in his place…or putting a bolt through that annoying sniper. He rolls his shoulders, settling deeper beneath his hat. Even the hat is an annoyance, it’s not his usual.

A movement by the door draws his attention. That pretty little human wanders back into the main hold. She’s enticing for sure, all curves and long silky hair with a slight flush to her cheeks.

Bane ignores her, this is a job. No time for shenanigans like that he muses, as he watches her stroll back to her corner. But it would be nice to relieve some…tension.

Being in the business as long as he has, the Duros has learned not to miss details. Even the small ones, a tiny shift could be deadly. So he doesn’t miss Hardeen’s head raise, Hardeen’s eyes trace up and down the form of the woman as she saunters by. That’s interesting.

The smell hits him hard, wafting after her. Musky, warm, and pouring off that sweet little human as she moves past. Bane inhales, letting his olfactory organs process the information. So, the little slut had indulged in some…relief to ease the boredom. That’s very interesting.

——-

Obi-Wan Kenobi groans slightly, slumping the unfamiliar body of Rako Hardeen lower into the floor. This disguise is wearing on me, he grimaces. After a few cycles it’s so easy to slip into the mannerisms of the sniper, react aggressively when normally there would be calm.

That damn woman saunters past him, and Hardeen’s body responds. At least Obi-Wan blames it on Hardeen’s body. Jedi are above those baser instincts.

But still he watches, taking in the swing of her hips and the slight flush on her cheeks. At least someone on this blasted ship is in a good mood. Watches her stretch, all curves and smooth skin, and settle in to wait out this journey.

He copied her motions, keeping an eye on Bane. Obi-Wan can’t ignore the hunter completely, doesn’t trust this fragile truce. So he resigns himself to a long wait.

Time and the blue light of hyperspace pass by. The ship is quiet, everyone lost in their thoughts or getting some rest. Obi-Wan glances at Bane again. The Duros has his hat tipped down and appears to be sleeping.

Obi-Wan stands, rolling Hardeen’s shoulders and stretching Hardeen’s muscles. If he can find some privacy, he just might be able to make a call. Keeping half an eye on the hunter, Obi-Wan wanders seemingly bored, before slipping into the bowls of the ship.

Fifteen minutes later he stumbles upon an office, tucked out of the way, with an ornate desk, chair, and closet. It’s moderately cleaner than the other rooms he’s explored and far away from the central hold and the suspicious red glare of the Duros.

Obi-Wan stands still, calming his mind before communicating with the Jedi counsel, letting go of the violence and anger his borrowed body surged with. One more deep breath, calm calm calm…

The door handle turns. His eyes snap open and he darts for the closet, forcing Hardeen’s larger frame into the small space. The door to the room opens as Obi-Wan quiets his breathing and peers out a poorly fitting seam to see who wandered in.

That woman strides in, takes a quick look around, and slides that perfect ass into the seat behind the desk.

Obi-Wan watches as she leans back in the chair and braces both booted feet against the table, spreading her long legs.

Obi-Wan watches as she moves her hands down her body, caressing and toying with herself, before unlacing her trousers with a small sigh.

Obi-Wan watches as she slides a hand inside her trousers, palms a breast with the other, and whimpers out a gasp of pleasure and she tips her head back.

Hardeen’s body is enjoying the show. It has to be Hardeen’s body, as Obi-Wan chants calm calm calm in his head. There’s no way a Jedi would react to this, watching a gorgeous woman enjoy herself in the most base way.

He watches her put her fingers to her mouth, tasting herself before slipping the soaked digits back between her legs. A drawn out moan tumbles from her lips as she continues her efforts, hips bucking slightly with each stroke.

It HAS to be the Hardeen’s body, Obi-Wan thinks desperately. Has to be Hardeen’s cock, which is now fully erect and pressing painfully against the light armor of his pants. It has to be Hardeen’s traitorous hand that unbuckles the cod piece, unties the trousers, allowing his engorged length out, tenting against his undergarments.

Obi-Wan grits his teeth against a groan that threatens to spill out at the relief. Relief that is short lived as the woman in the chair lets out a keening high pitched whine. He can hear how wet she is, soft sounds as her fingers run through her soaked folds.

Force, he hopes she’s quick and he can get out of this closet before he does something humiliating.

——-

Despite Hardeen’s assumption, Bane knows better than to sleep on a job like this. Instead he pulls his hat low, rolls his toothpick slowly, and watches. He saw the little human glance his way occasionally, blush staining her cheeks. He saw Hardeen carefully treading towards the back of the ship. He saw the same little human stand and pad off a few minutes later, the smell of her arousal leaking from her pores.

Well that won’t do.

The bounty hunter rises as she dissapears down the hallway. Might as well give her a head start, his predatory instincts rising at the thought. After a few minutes he follows, using his superior sense of smell to track her. His cheeks move as he inhales, practically tasting the scent of her as it leads him to a closed door.

On the other side of the door then, he’s sure of it. By the scents drifting out she’s already been very busy.

There’s another smell too. Male. Bane’s hairline lips pull back into a sneer. If Hardeen is in there with her Bane has no qualms pulling the sniper off her and throwing him out the door…maybe through the door.

Replacing the toothpick in his mouth he quietly opens the door, prepared to show that horny little minx how much better a Duros can be.

The door opens softly and Bane is greeted with an impressive sight.

She’s in the chair, legs splayed wide, hands down her pants. He takes it all in, the flush on her chest, head thrown back, and lips parted around her mewling pants. He can hear the slick sounds of her fingers working between her thighs.

And the smell, musky, warm, slightly sweet. His alien anatomy is already pressing hard against his leathers.

No Hardeen in sight, but the other smell, the male arousal, is in the room. Moving his eyes carefully he spots the closet. So the creep is getting off watching her play with herself, and her unknowing she has an audience. Perfect.

“shit, WHAT THE HELL…”

Oh good, she’s realized he’s there.

——-

You jerk your hands from your core, sitting up so fast a muscle in your back twinges in protest. Your face is on fire, blush moving through your face so fast you must be beet red now.

Guess coming back here for a second round was a mistake.

“What cha’ up to li’l lady?” Bane’s deep gravely voice slices through the tension in the room and adds another layer to your humiliation.

“It’s a long trip…I….didn’t think anyone would…” Your babbling sounds inane in your own ears. Taking a deep breath you force lips into a sneer. “Don’t you know how to Fucking KNOCK!?”

He takes a long look up and down your frame, and you’re sure you look like a mess. Flaming red, panting, disheveled hair, and a scowl twisting across your lips. His searing gaze takes it all in. You stare defiantly back.

A chuckle, rattling up through his chest and his modulated voice cracks across the room. “It’s yer fault missy, I’ve been smellin’ how hot an’ bothered you’ve been alllllll day.”

He swiftly closes the door and steps up to you, looming over you as you glare up at him and fumble with the closure on your trousers.

Another inhale, a deep rattle, and he smirks, showing his canines in the dim light. “I saw ya’ starin’”

One massive hand reaches for you, taking your chin captive in long fingers. “Saw ya’ blushin’”

Your eyes widen as heat surges through your core. One large blue digit traces your bottom lip, and your breath hitches.

Jagged teeth flash through his filthy smile.

“Just lay back princess, ol’ Cad Bane is gonna’ help ya relax”

——-

Obi-Wan is mortified. The spectacle in front of his is true debauchery but he can’t look away. That pretty little woman giving herself to an absolute animal of a bounty hunter.

He’d expected…hoped she’d say no. Tell the Duros to fuck off, as it had sounded in the beginning. Storm out and let him end this whole humiliating experience with some dignity left intact. But no.

He watched as Bane made quick work of her clothing, exposing her fully and placing her on the desk. He watched as the hunters blue hands crawled across her body, kneading her smooth silky flesh. Teeth nipping at her throat and breasts until she was covered in marks. It was obscene.

Now he watches as one long finger penetrates her dripping cunt. She throws her head back with a wail, leaning back and spreading her thighs to give the criminal easier access. From Obi-Wan’s vantage point he can see blue sink into pink flesh, gently…almost teasingly, stroking her walls. She cries out, pleading for more.

Hardeen’s body will be the death of him. His foreign cock is painfully hard, leaking pre-cum into his undergarments. Unable to help himself he pulls out the borrowed member and begins stroking it. His pace increases as the sounds pouring from her lips increase in volume.

Bane inserts another finger, increasing his own pace as she howls above him. One hand reaches up and smacks her lightly across a pretty cheek before wrapping fingers around her throat. Obi-Wan almost breaks, almost rushes out at the rough treatment, but the way her cunt clenches around Bane’s fingers stops him. Instead he strokes Hardeen’s cock faster, tongue trapped between his teeth to keep himself quiet.

Bane leans over her, still viciously pumping his hand into her wet heat. Obi-Wan catches bits of the filth he purrs into her ear.

“Knew ya….like it rough….such….dirty li’l thing……gonna cum…on my hand…….”

Obi-Wan watches her back arch, thighs shaking, and slick pour out of her to drip down the Duros’ hand. The gasping moan of Bane’s name through her lips sounds almost like a prayer as he continues to stroke her through her climax.

His climax rips through him violently, and his vision blacks out as he spills himself over his hand and down the front of his pants. Obi-Wan drags in a ragged breath and he pumps the aftershocks into his fist. His release drips to the floorboards of the closet.

His vision clears and embarrassment burns through him. Hardeen’s body or not he’s better than this, masturbating to the depraved scene outside a closet. He should be better than this…but a deep groan from the room pulls his eyes back to the peep hole.

Cad Bane has pulled himself out, blasters discarded on the desk. Twin inhuman anatomy, stacked one on top of the other spills out from his pants. His eyes are half lidded, stroking the upper cock while she’s on her knees, enthusiastically swallowing the lower one as deep as she can go.

Obi-Wan can see the slick down her thighs, evidence of her own climax and growing arousal. He watches as Bane fists a handful of her hair, forcing his length deeper down her throat while she chokes and gags around him. Her muffled whimpers and moans are a counterpoint to the praise the hunter rasps above her, telling her how well she takes it, so good, so hot, so wet. At this moment he could almost hate Bane, listening to the sounds of the hunter’s gratification from her eager little mouth.

Hardeen’s cock twitches, quickly becoming fully erect again.

——-

Cad Bane hadn’t had a hyperspace crossing this good in ages. He had smelled Hardeen’s release, could sense the snipers embarrassment and shame for enjoying the scene in front of him. Bane had angled the woman’s hips to give him the best show after all.

Now that tight, HOT cunt was gripped around his length as she writhed beneath him, begging him to move, to fuck her. He’d groaned as he slid into her, enjoying the silky scorching heat against his cooler anatomy and almost forgetting about Hardeen in the moment. Almost.

Time for the finale.

He pulls out halfway and snaps his hips hard back into her cunt and she lets out a high pitched, keening whine. One massive hand keeps her thighs spread, and the other strokes his upper cock, making sure to grind the base of it into her sensitive clit as his other cock pounds into her.

“Look at chu’….takin’ this Duros..so….fuckin’………well.”

He increases his pace and she clenches around him.

“Gonna…gonna ruin ya’….fer any other dick, ain’t that right?”

She shudders beneath him, winding up tighter and tighter as her climax rapidly approaches.

“Yes…fuck…YES!” She gasps out.

“What ‘chu say, ya’ ruined?” As he slows his thrusts.

“Please…oh god…..PLEASE Cad. I’m ruined…ruined.”

He returns to his punishing pace, feeling the slick heat spread where their bodies are connects. Three hard pounds later and she’s cumming, clenching and spasming as she screams out her climax beneath him.

He feels her heat, the wet gush of her release down her thighs and his hips stutter. One more deep push and he’s filling her up as the convulsions of her body milk every drop, while he strokes the upper cock and paints her torso Duros blue.

——-

Your mind is fuzzed, completely senseless after the most intense orgasm you can remember. The hunters sticky release coats your body and dimly you drag a finger through it for a taste.

It’s tangy, not a bad flavor at all.

Bane is above you, panting slightly and still buried to the hilt. His grin is downright cruel.

Quicker than he should be able to after an orgasm, he raises a gauntleted wrist, aims a lasso at the closet, fires, and pulls the door open.

Twisting your head slightly you see Rako Hardeen, wide eyed in shock, pumping his cock furiously as his release spills over his hand and down his thighs.

“Enjoy da show Hardeen?”

A rattle sounds deep in the Duros’ chest.

“Not polite ta watch a lady when she don know yer dere.”

Hardeen’s face turns bright red, almost obscuring his tattoos. His mouth gapes open, but he still has his cock fisted in a chokehold.

Bane arches a brow ridge at him.

“Might want ta go clean yoursself up, leave da lady and me ta enjoy ourselves without da audience.”

Hardeen swallows, throat bobbing. He almost falls out of the closet in his haste to get away, stumbles to the door, and dashes out with his cock flopping uselessly over his cum coated pants.

You gape at Bane.

“Did…did you just use me to HUMILIATE HARDEEN?!”

The bounty hunter pulls himself out of your tender cunt with a lewd sound.

“None a that now princess, ya had fun too.”

He stares at the mess on your body.

“Now that we’re alone I’m gonna fuck dat tight ass of yours. Still gotta long ways to go on dis ride.”

You stare at him, fucked half senseless and dumbfounded.

He smirks down at you and begins stroking his already half hard cocks.

[janelevy]

my thoughts (that nobody asked for) on the zoey’s christmas movie

what a super cute supersized zepisode!! i enjoyed it a lot. it delivered exactly the kind of cringe and laughs and tears we’ve all come to expect from this show and these characters. spoilers below the cut

the good

the songs were actually really really awesome and really well done. standouts for me were “have yourself a merry little christmas” with mitch (shot in fuzzy black and white like the old movies they’d watch together? showstopping beautiful amazing), “wish you were here” (CHILLS), “bad blood” (will never not love jane’s impeccable physical comedy), and literally everything mo sang. 

it was nice that we got to see zoey sing some heart songs! have we not been wishing for this through fanfic for ages?? it was something i was really looking forward to and i liked how they handled it.

they also didn’t shy away from putting our beloveds’ flaws on full display. FULLL display. but hey, that’s what keeps things interesting and gives characters depth! it was sweet to see zoey and max talk things out and reach an understanding with each other about why he got the powers (more on this later tho)

bernadette peters is a gift. enough said. she really helped with getting through some of the verrrry awkward moments with jack the christmas tree guy.

SIMON. confirmed bi leif!! SIMON. mckenzie and tobin!! SIMON. and mo getting his own storyline for the movie was incredible. very hard to watch at times, but WOW perry is such an amazing boyfriend and i’m so happy for them and amirah and august they’re so sweet together

oh, and the SETTINGS!! this was such a gorgeous movie all around. the bright, spacious mall. outdoors at night with lights and merry people milling about. the familiar clarke homestead. even the brief glimpse we got of sprq point (with the matching sweaters!!) was beautiful and it was so so nice to see it again. they definitely captured a great holiday-friendly vibe here and it surpassed my expectations for sure!! this made their world feel a little... i don’t know... BIGGER. lots of fun pretty settings and the gorgeous overhead shot of san fran like THANK YOU

the lines about “sweet caroline” being a Not Good song (thank youuu mo), cats eating at the dinner table (cried laughing because this is literally my grandma i shit you not), and big league chew (if ya know ya know. david had some real zingers this time around) 

the not so good

soooo. of course they can only fit so much in a couple hours, but i can’t deny that i kind of felt the absence of the coders and SIMON for most of the movie. understandably this was a clarkes-centered movie (as it should be), and understandably max will be hanging with the clarkes now (which i suppose he would be even if he and zoey were still just best friends, but i honestly can’t remember if it was mentioned on the show that he spends holidays with zoey’s family or if i read/wrote it in a fic somewhere. oh well) though it does beg the question, what about visiting his family back in new york for the holidays? not for christmas, obviously, but i was still kinda surprised we didn’t even get a mention of the richmans (?)

but anyway. god i just love simon so much and i should’ve put this up in the good section but i ADORED every second he was on screen. he knows zoey so so well and is such a wonderful friend to her and god i love him. plus, the fact that he got zoey a replacement snow globe when the old one broke and he didn’t even know it broke? AHHHH. but yeah i still wish we had more of him, though i deeply appreciate every second of him we did get.

the only debatably “weak” song, if i had to pick one, would be “call me maybe.” though it was a very amusing surprise and of course still had a gorgeous backdrop so i wasn’t mad about it. it was both interesting and frustrating to see max and zoey’s different takes on how to handle the heart song.

and on that note i might as well dive into the whole explanation for max getting the powers in the first place. (also i’m sorry but i kind of found it funny that he’s already lost them again? the timeline for this show is all kinds of wack but when all was said and done he only had them for like 2-3 weeks right? and side note: it’s been 1.5 years since zoey got her powers, i think they said? and mitch died in march 2021? idk i guess it could line up but hmmm) 

so. max and the powers. the scene where he and zoey come to a conclusion about it was very sweet, and “time after time” wasn’t half as cringey as i anticipated it to be. but, like... i’d hope that max could be a good enough partner to zoey that he wouldn’t NEED to get the powers to in order to support her? i guess for him it WAS necessary to understand what she sees/how she feels in order to be a good partner for her? i don’t think it would necessarily be that way for everybody, though, so i’m a little skeptical of the logic there. but again, this movie didn’t shy away from showing their imperfections and having them make mistakes, so hey, max is only human. i’m just the person who wrote 70k+ words of fanfic about zoey and max only to end up not being that big of a fan of them anymore. but yeah, fine, they’re cute.

(oh and i cannot believe they actually had leif say “clarkeman” whyyy)

[dykeomania]

𝒎𝒊𝒂'𝒔 𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒓𝒃𝒔: "please."

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: riding subtop!ellie's thigh as a punishment until she cracks because she edged you (implied). Lol.

𝐚/𝐧: defining a “blurb” as something similar to a one mic, one take, except it’s more like.. whatever i write in one sitting. it is just a really, really, really coherent thought. so. anyways, subtop!ellie stans, stand the fuck up. subbottom!ellie stans, y’all are next. this isn't an actual fic, so, this isn't the last of sub!ellie on my blog, i'm not gonna just do her dirty like that. kinda proofread, but not really focusing too much on it, 'cause that throws away the whole point. it's alright. entirely for the culture. join the slutting out ellie train or get left behind!!!!!!!!! (also fun fact, this was actually a part of guilty pleasure. but i.. edited guilty pleasure. so. now it's here.)

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: smut, mdni. vulgar language (dirty talk, like, ellie is... down terrible), choking. pwithoutp, as per usual. it's. it's..... it's.......... Mhm.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 746. sumn light.

.   .   .   .

"beg." ellie has seen a million different versions of herself but she'd argue that none of them have ever been this small. she's looking up at you with the biggest, brightest, pair of doe green eyes that you think you've ever seen, and you can feel her breath trembling; slipping through the gate of her top teeth that's digging into her lower lip or stumbling out of her parted lips that yours are hovering over. she's so delirious and drunk off the feeling of your pussy against her bare thigh, she could cry. the way you drag your clit over the tensed muscle, your slick cunt making her skin glisten and she can't see it, but fuck, can she feel it. she would do anything to have you replace her thigh with her face. anything, to have you replace her thigh with her own pussy and let you use her even when she's too sensitive.

anything to be able to loosen the tight grip of the blanket she had at her sides and reach her hand up and just fucking touch you, in any way.

"y/n, please," it's a plea that sounds like it should be accompanied by a tear, or a grit of her teeth; so frayed, and cracked around all of its edges, "i have been so. so. fucking. good. please, i'll do whatever you want --" she can feel you rutting against her thigh quicker, and she's gasping at this point. she needs to fuck you. if she had any idea how fucking ridiculous she looked right now, she'd probably shoot herself. "--i'll fuck you so good, i'll make you feel so fucking good -- i'll make you feel better, y/n, please. please? please, baby-- fuck, please--"

you had to shut her up by tightening your hand around her throat. had to. or else ellie would've kept going -- could've kept going for however long she needed to as long as it meant that she got to do something, be it as simple as kiss you, getting the chance to drag her hand over your skin, press her fingers into your hips, push her thigh against your fucking clit, to kiss you, to feel you,

ellie has never, ever, been this. fucking. small.

"you wanna touch me?" you coo, hand involuntarily tightening around your girlfriend's throat.

her eyes are like mossy puddles as she looks at you. her breaths skipping, her voice between a whine and a murmur as she sighs out a "yes." "yeah, what do you want?" "want your pussy on my face, want you to fucking grind your pussy on my tongue, fucking -- please."

"you wanna fucking make me cum, huh? you think you deserve to, you're fucking sorry?"

"fuck, yes--" she slurs, "say it." "m'so--m'so sorry, i'm so, so sorry, i'm so fucking sorry, baby, please--"

"lay down." your words -- solidified by you actually moving off of ellie's thigh -- are sudden and unexpected. and after an extremely unproductive half hour, they make ellie's eyes light up like fucking slot machines. "fucking lay down right now, before i change my mind."

"ohmygod," absolution permeates ellie's voice as she rushes to shuffle to.. wherever you need her to be, want her to be, what-the-fuck-ever. she couldn't care less. couldn't care more about anything other than the sight of your cunt, shining and clit swollen, being readied to lower onto her face. this had to be religious. it was like she was about to be fucking baptized, "you better fucking make me cum, or i swear to god."

"oh, fuck," ellie is already scrambling at the sight of your pussy, which to her, is essentially the actual second coming of christ, personified. reaching to pull you down, so eager to experience the bliss of your glistening cunt, "oh my god, thank you." "hey." ellie whimpers at the sudden abrupt grasp that you take on her jaw. "are you gonna fucking make me cum?" "i will-- i will, i will," ellie nods, fingers pressing into your thighs "fuck, i will. i promise. m'sorry -- fuck, m'so sorry, thank you."

you take a second to marvel at the girl beneath you. her damp skin glistening, purely with anticipation. her expression wrecked, her face flushed, her entire existence in this moment being entirely devoted to you. your grip softens, and you find yourself nodding too as you pass a hand through her hair, grasping onto it for leverage and slightly pushing her head back into the cushions, "good girl."

"always," ellie sighs, her hot breath fanning against your lowering pussy, "so good, just for you."

[write-ur-wrongs]

Nature’s Nurturing Ways

Hi y’all! This pandemic has really taken the wind out of my sails these past few weeks (maybe months? Time is completely untraceable right now). This piece is born out of a lovely anon’s request, bolded below. As always, I haven’t proofread this mess, so please forgive the typos! I’ll do my best to correct them post-publishing. I seriously can’t thank you enough for taking the time to send me your ideas, and I promise I’ll get better at writing actual drabbles LOL. I hope you enjoy :) 

Hii can you write something abt Geralt being w a plant-based reader where she loves animals and nature? Tysm

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Geralt and Jaskier had been travelling for hours when the beating sun finally wore them down. There hadn’t been a breeze in days and the hot, stale air was starting to suffocate the uncharacteristically quiet bard, who wouldn’t dare compete with the surrounding cicada’s symphony.

“Geralt,” he rasped, “do you hear any running water? Drips or gurgles? I’ll take anything.”

“Jask, it hasn’t rained in days and it’s hotter than the depths of hell,” the Witcher sighed before continuing, “I said no yesterday, the answer is the same today.”

“Euughh!” Jaskier threw his head back in despair before hanging his head in exhaustion. “Geralt, I don’t want to be dramatic -,”

“Ha!” Geralt twisted in his saddle to look back at his friend with a quirked brow.

“- but I will fall off this horse and die of exposure if we don’t find water soon.”

Shaking his head, Geralt knew that despite the bard’s tendency to embellish, the situation was getting dire. They’d traveled this way dozens of times before and had always relied on the steady creek that ran alongside the trail for water. The region wasn’t known for dry spells and while Geralt was sure he could manage either way, his companion on the trail was not so durable.

They wouldn’t arrive at their destination for another three or four hours, at his level of dehydration and with probable heat exhaustion, Jaskier might not have that much time.

With another gruff sigh, Geralt pulled back on Roach’s reins and redirected her off the road and into the forest, turning back to ensure Jaskier’s horse would follow.

Geralt knew that there was a small clearing off the road where the thick leaves from the old trees made a lush, and shaded, canopy. He’d been there before a handful of times. It’s where he shared a tender first kiss, where he’d laid his head on Y/N’s chest before falling asleep feeling the cool, lush, grass cradling his large frame. It’s where he first said I love you.

Shaking his head slightly to pull himself from his memories, he dismounted and grabbed both sets of reins, leading the horses into farther the clearing. Once they’d reached the middle of the small field, Geralt released Roach’s lead and gave her a neck a scratch before leaving her to graze.

“Come on Jaskier,” he said, reaching into the gelding’s saddle bag for some food, “get off your horse and lay down in the grass.”

The bard fell out of his saddle with a thud while Geralt continue to root around the bag, huffing as he kept coming up empty.

“Did you eat the last of the cheese?”

“Mmpft,” Jaskier replied incoherently, face down in the grass.

“Hey –”

“Oi! You kicked me!”

“Where is the food? We had bread, cheese, and meat left over last night. Did you fucking eat it all?”

“No, you oaf,” he said, rolling over onto his back, “we ate the rest of it this morning.”

“Fuck!” Geralt cursed under his breath, pulling his hair up off his neck to cool off. He could barely remember what they’d done earlier that day. The heat had been unbearable all evening, and the rising sun only made it worse.  

“Don’t worry about it Geralt! No need to apologize for accusing me so harshly.” Jaskier said, words dripping in sarcasm.

Geralt merely looked down at the bard with disdain and rolled his eyes, refusing to admit the sun might be affecting him too.

“Shut up and take off your shirt –”

“Oh-ho!” he laughed weakly, wiggling his eye brows at the witcher. No matter how beaten and battered the bard may be, he’d never miss an opportunity to tease Geralt.

“No, Gods! Fuck,” Geralt went on, flustered, “the grass will cool you down a hell of a lot faster if you’re in direct contact. And besides, Y/N will kill me if I let you die of exposure.”

“Always so serious, eh Geralt?” Jaskier chided playfully, pulling off his tunic before laying back down onto the grass, “Oh-ho-ho-ohhhh yes… Sweet merciful goddess of all that is good, this feels amazing! Yes, yes, yes!”

While he was sure the bard was still mumbling gratefully, and disgustingly, at the feeling of the cool grass against his skin, Geralt’s mind was elsewhere. Somewhere in this clearing, wild heliotropes had bloomed and the sweet, almondine scent was pulling him into a memory.

“Geralt! Witchers use herbs, mushrooms, and flowers in all kinds of magic,” you said, your hands resting high on your hips, “I find it incredibly hard to believe that in all your years and extensive travels, you’d never learned to forage?”

“All my years, eh?” he’d replied, cat-like eyes gleaming back at you.

“Well of course,” you teased, “I mean, unless you mean to tell me that silver head of hair is a choice born out of vanity?”

“I’m going to make you pay for that later, Y/N.” He laughed, taken aback and a little impressed that you felt so comfortable with his mutations as to mock him playfully.

“Ha! Me and what coin?” you reply with a light laugh, bending over to collect the generous mushrooms growing through the bed of leaves and needles.

Geralt turned his head towards you to hit you with a winning comeback, but found himself lost for words when his eyes failed to meet yours.

You get up slowly, peering over your shoulder to find your witcher’s eyes on your backside. Smirking to yourself and quirking a brow flirtatiously, you toss a handful of dirt and wet leaves his way, hitting the poor soul right in the chest.

“Distracted, Geralt?” you said, tossing your hair over your shoulder as you straightened up.

Geralt swallowed thickly, desperately trying to string together at least a couple words – witty at best, coherent at least – when he heard a twig snap in the surrounding forest.

Quick as a flash, he drew his sword and his attention towards the source of the disturbance, a large boar. Chest already swelling with pride at the thought of providing you with a hearty meal, Geralt prepared his attack on the creature before him.

Seeing that the “threat” in question was nothing but a passing porcine, you dove before him with a shout, dropping the mushrooms on the way. Your scream coupled with your sudden movement startled the beast, and it dove deeper into the brush to escape.

“Geralt, no!”

“Damn it, Y/N,” he swore, “I could’ve had it! We could have had a decent meal! We – we would have been set for days!”

“No, Geralt! We have food, right here in this clearing. We needn’t take lives from the forest to eat.”

“Gods, Y/N,” he sighed, dropping his sword to the ground in frustration, “do I need to remind you of the cycle of life? Creatures live, they die, and they get eaten so others can live –”

“Yes, and by leaving that gentle giant to its ruminations, we’ve allowed it to go on, to feed its young, or hell! By leaving that boar to live, we might have secured a lifeline for a fellow wolf or fox. Geralt look around you; mushrooms, flowers, these thick leaves, those berries? You see that tree there? At its roots there are nuts, and over there? Those flowers? Means there is garlic. The forest will feed us with ease if we simply care to drop our weapons, and look.”

Geralt looked at you and with soft eyes, he took in the way your eyes burned with passion, the way your chest rose and fell with every energized breath. He looked around you and really looked at the plants around him, beyond scanning for any toxic or dangerous herbs, he did his best to see the forest through your bright eyes.

Looking at you he felt his chest swell once more, but this time the feeling was warm, grounding.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said quietly, pulling you into his arms, “so, so much.”

You looked up at him with tears in your eyes. You knew he loved you. You had known for months, but you’d made peace with the fact that he loved you however he could, and that that would have to be enough, even if it meant you wouldn’t hear him say it.

“Oh, my sweet, sweet dove,” you murmured, reaching up to lay a soft kiss on his forehead, “I love you too.”

Geralt was wrenched from his thoughts by a swift kick to his shin, courtesy of the bard.

“Shhht!! Geralt!” Jaskier shout-whispered, still kicking at the witcher’s shins. “A deer! A d- dinner! Food! Geralt!”

Side-stepping out of the bard’s frantic little kicks, Geralt looked around him in a quick movement, spotting the deer with his hand primed above his sword’s hilt.

The world seemed to go quiet and still when his eyes met the doe’s. Despite himself, he could hear your voice in his head telling him that she’s a young, vibrant member of this forest’s population. That at her age, she’s likely a first-time mom or about to be. That she has more life to live and more to give to the land than be a poor man’s meal.

Jaskier watched in hungry-horror as Geralt waved his large hand at the creature, turning his back to it before looking down to meet his shell-shocked gaze.

“What the fuck, Geralt!” he spat, “what happened to “Y/N would kill me if I let Jaskier die”? What the fuck! That was food! Survival!”

“You’ll be fine Jask, shut up and lay in your grass.”

“As long as you don’t make me eat it.” He grumbled, not quietly enough.

A laugh rumbled through him as he walked towards to forest line, spotting thick dandelion leaves, mushrooms, and bushes ripe with nuts. He might not necessarily need to feed Jaskier the grass beneath his feet, but he was going to make him eat his words.

***********************************************************************************

“There you are my intrepid explorers!” You damn near squealed at the sight of them, dropping your basket of recently-purchased produce as you ran towards them.

At the sight of you, Geralt dismounts and runs to meet you in a tight embrace. You hold each other tightly, breathing in each other’s scent; his cedar, damp earth, and cut grass, and yours sweet almond.

You pull back just enough to look him over quickly and, spotting no fresh injury or new scars, pull your brows together curiously.

“Did you get lost?”

“Not at all,” replied Jaskier, clapping Geralt on the shoulder, “You’d be impressed, madam Y/N! Our dear witcher made quite the feast. Pulled me right out of the greedy jaws of death, he did!”

“Oh?” You said, brows furrowed in a silent question. Knowing what you meant, Geralt shook his head and kissed your temple to reassure you.

“Picture me this, Y/N,” Jaskier mused as he untacked his gelding, “I’m wilting away, inches from Death’s grip, and Geralt sweeps me under a lush canopy of trees and lays me in the grass…”

“Lays him in the grass? Should I be jealous?” you whispered.

“Never my love,” he replied softly, his forehead against yours.

“… then our honorable friend bid the deer a fond farewell, letting him get away! Yes, Y/N, there I lay, starving, thinking the sun must have cooked the sense right out of him when he marches out of sight only to emerge moments later with a bounty!”

“A bounty?” you mock-gasp, egging the bard on to Geralt’s great displeasure.

“Yes! We ate like kings in that forest, Y/N. All we did was eat but I felt hydrated and renewed! Truly a culinary delight.”

“A delight, Geralt!” you giggled, giving his waist a squeeze.

“Gods, won’t he ever shut up?” he grumbled, ghost of a blush creeping up his collar.

“Oh hush, my love,” you cooed, “without Jask’s bragging, I’d have never known what a big softy you’ve become.”

Wordlessly, Geralt looked down at you in mock-contempt, unsure that this wasn’t a veiled insult. He was instantly reassured though, when his eyes met yours.

“You left the deer.”

“I did.”

“And you foraged, found just what you needed.” You spoke softly, admiration and love rounding your features out beautifully.

“That’s right.”

“Now where did you pick up skills like that, my dove?” You chanced another tease, twirling a lock of his white, dust-packed hair around a finger before giving it a light tug, your head cocked to the side.

“Oh, I had an exceptional teacher…” he said, wrapping an arm tightly around your waist and bringing his other hand up to cup your face, pulling into a deep kiss.

[cherriesfineline]

savior next door

im on a writing trance so expect a lot of writings from me hehe, here's what i wrote last night, enjoy besties.

- fluff & a tiny little bit of smut (not really lol) | not proofread, sorry

Pairing: HarryxY/N

WC: 3.8k

the one where Harry is Y/N's shy and virgin neighbor.

The constant feeling of uneasiness has been haunting Harry ever since he almost got himself in a car accident almost a year ago.

It hadn’t been his fault – he was crossing a random street in a quiet area of New York when a hand grabbed his upper arm and pushed him out of the crosswalk, where a car speeded through without even slowing down. “Watch where you’re going, you’re going to get yourself killed.” The woman who’d saved his life scolded at him with a worrying look on her face. He remembers her eyes were glowing in such a splendor, something he’d never seen before – it intrigued him to know who his life savior was, but before he could even make a comment, the woman stormed off and got lost between the seas of people around the corner, leaving Harry in an unsuccessful search for her.

Harry has never been a people person. He always avoids big crowds, social events and especially, study groups. His university journey so far has been a lonely and reserved one, having movie marathons when not studying or discovering new kinds of herbal teas. His only form of social interaction is the occasional chat with his across-the-hall neighbor Niall, whom he considered -kind of- a close friend; his only one, in fact.

“Heard someone’s moving in to the flat next to yours.” Niall knows Harry isn’t exactly a social butterfly, and maybe it’s the fact that Harry is younger than him and how he seems like such a harmless human what makes him feel like he needs to help him. Harry just shrugs at his comment, not really interested in any possible intruder to their peaceful hallway (where both their apartments and the currently empty one in the corner were the only three ones on their floor). And maybe it was the fact that it has been almost a month since Niall’s comment what made him furious when he saw the cardboard boxes on their hallway, forgetting about the possibility of having a new neighbor.

The sudden sound of glass crashing and a loud yell snaps Harry out of his frustrated trance, stepping around the huge boxes scattered around the door next to his to knock on the doorway of the open door. Even if he really isn’t very fond of having a new neighbor that doesn’t mean he’s not going to check on them to see if they’ve gotten hurt. “Is everything alright?” He still can’t see whoever is inside, but he decides on waiting if no one replies to step inside. But he doesn’t need to, because as he was about to make his way inside, a head pops up from one side of the entry hallway, assuming that’s where the kitchen is, as he notices the apartment is a replica of his own, but inverted.

“Hey, sorry, just dropped my favorite cup.” His breath gets caught on his throat when her life savior’s face appears in sight, the cutest frown adorning her features and her sweet voice resonating through his brain. Her eyes, exactly like he remembers shine with an unbeatable glow, like a thousand diamonds under a microscope, but the image he had of her on his brain doesn’t make her justice – she is even more beautiful than he remembers. “I’m Y/N, nice to meet you. You live in this floor?” Harry can’t help but be disappointed at the fact that apparently she doesn’t remember him.

“Y-yes, next door. H-harry.” He stutters. Her presence just makes him so nervous, he can’t help it. She is probably one of, if not the, most beautiful woman he’s ever laid eyes on. Her eyes are hypnotizing, the softness of them which appears to be constant warms his insides and he thinks he could spend hours upon hours staring right at them.

“Do I know you? I feel like I know you.” Y/N’s thinks out loud, her expression alluding to her thoughts trying to place him somewhere in her memories.

“Uh, I- I don’t think so?” Harry feels embarrassed, so he couldn’t come up with a better answer. He is silently hoping she doesn’t remember the time they met all that time ago – this is his chance, he thinks, to redeem himself, for her to see him as a normal dude instead of this clumsy and shy boy who couldn’t even thank her when she saved him from being ran over by a car.

He wishes he could read her mind. What’s her first impression on him? Does she think he’s cute? She probably doesn’t. He thinks she’s too pretty to even spare a second glance at someone like him; a shy boy with bad posture and still breaking out in his forehead despite being 22. And she, Y/N, a woman who could make anyone her own, a woman who probably makes every head turn her way when entering a room. Harry feels his chest deflate as his thoughts start beating him up.

During the course of her first two months living next door, Y/N and Harry barely interact. He keeps stealing glances her way whenever they run into each other in the hallway, getting shy and cheeks reddening when she catches him every time. He gets jealous whenever he hears her walking down the hallway from inside his apartment, obvious guests coming in and out of her apartment – and if the person (because he recalls hearing both men and women) is good enough, he can even hear her sometimes through the thin wall that divides their bedrooms, her headboard clearly mirroring his. He feels dirty and intrusive during nights like these, so he opts on putting headphones on, music playing in his phone to help him drift off to sleep.

But Y/N is fascinated by him, maybe not as much as he is with her, but enough to wonder how it’d be like to reallyhave him in her life. She knows he’s a very reserved man, her animated chats with Niall more usual than not drift towards Harry and how she wishes he’d just keep looking at her when she catches his eye instead of running away – not because her ego is enormous or anything, but she is aware of the obvious crush Harry has on her. “He’s not going to start conversation, you should just go for it.” She remembers Niall told her one night after having a small chat in his threshold; because all Niall wants is for Harry to put himself out there, but he knows he needs a little extra push.

But it all changes one night. A night Y/N drinks more than usual – shot after shot going down her throat making her feel nothing but dizzy, the sensation of puke going up her throat forcing her to call it a night. Barely making it out of the elevator she stumbles on her way to her door, and Harry hears her. The sound her combat books make is so engraved in Harry’s brain he knows it’s her after just a couple of steps.

“Fuck.” Harry hears the unmistakable sound of her keys, and how she’s clearly struggling to fit them inside the lock. After a loud banging sound and what sounds like her sliding down the door, he starts worrying about her and how she’s probably not going to make it inside her apartment without a little help. So he steps outside after sliding his old white vans on to find her on the floor leaning against her door, legs bent and elbows resting on either knee supporting her head.

“Y/N?” He calls her in a whisper. She shoots her head up immediately making her insides turn, and with unfocused eyes, she looks up at him and smiles fondly.

“Hey, pretty boy.” She greets him with a soft smile, eyes closing and opening again slowly and Harry feels his stomach erupt in a thousand butterflies. Did she just call him pretty boy?

“You need help?”

“Please.” Harry’s red cheeks don’t go unnoticed by her the moment she lifts her hand to give him her keys and she honestly thinks he might explode. He helps her get up and guides her inside her home with such gentle movements she could melt in his hold, and that’s when she decides (drunk out of her mind) she wants him to hold her again, soon. And while sober.

He lays her down in her bed and announces he’s going to take her shoes off, giving her enough time to object. “I always catch you staring, you know?” Her thoughts slip off her lips unannounced, but she doesn’t really care. Harry, on the other hand, freezes in his spot, one of her shoes still in hand and with wide eyes he connects their gazes for the second time that night.

“I- I… I’m sorry- I don’t mean to be c-creepy or anything I j-just-“

“Shh.” She cuts him off, his stuttering making its first appearance of the night. “Didn’t say I don’t like it.” She confesses and wiggles her feet so he can resume his actions. Harry’s brain is betraying him more than usual right now. His thoughts are everywhere, not a single coherent answer coming to mind, so he doesn’t do anything but finish helping her out of her shoes in silence.

“Goodn-night, Y/N.” Harry left her apartment that night after carefully placing a soft blanket over her body and making sure she had a glass of water on her nightstand (he didn’t want to snoop around her apartment for some pills for her hangover, so he just left her with the duty of doing that herself in the morning) and laid in bed with so many thoughts running through his head he barely got an hour of sleep that night.

And that went on for a week. Knowing she was sleeping on the other side of the wall makes him more nervous than before now that he knows Y/N is aware of his constant staring – but who would blame him? She really is a sight for sore eyes. Y/N knocks on his door the following Saturday, and he opens it surprised to find her on the other side, mainly because she’s usually out with her friends by now every Saturday (not that he’s constantly waiting to hear her walk on their hallway, but he truly is always sitting on his living room and the thin walls of their apartment complex don’t provide them much privacy).

“Harry, hi.” She offers him the sweetest smile, but there’s a shy and nervous undertone to it this time. “I just wanted to thank you, for helping me the other night.” She clasps her hands together in front of her and nods with a tight lipped smile. “But I also want to apologize, I know I probably made you uncomfortable with uh, some comments I made.” She slightly scrunches her nose, waiting for his reply.

But Harry is, in simple words, speechless. He can’t believe there’s a sober Y/N who just knocked on his door willingly talking to him. Her voice sounds so melodic and Harry just wants to cuddle her and the giant, soft looking green sweater she’s wearing isn’t helping him ease his thoughts. He wants Y/N to hold him while she talks to him with that sweet voice of hers, he wants to hold her small hands and fill her cheeks and mouth with kisses along with every inch of her body -not that she’d ever let him, Harry thought, but a boy can dream-, but most importantly, he wants to learn every single detail about her. How she likes her coffee in the mornings, or if she prefers tea. In which position she sleeps the most comfortable in and if there’s any TV shows she re-watches just because it brings her comfort. He has so many questions he wants to ask her he completely forgets they’d been standing in his threshold for long minutes, with him just staring at her.

“It’s ok, don’t worry.” He says barely above a whisper, and they stay in their positions for a while, again with no words spoken between them, until he finally gains enough courage to ask, “Do you want to come in?” He opens his door a bit wider with a wary look on his face. Y/N nods, her smile widens and makes her eyes sparkle with that glow Harry is still fascinated by.

They sit in the couch with a long distance between them; farther away from the other than any of them like. Y/N does most of the talking, but she truly doesn’t mind – she talks animatedly about this new show Bridgerton she binge watched last night, Harry making mental notes about most things she says. He wants to remember everything, from the way her voice slightly sharpens when she mentions something she suddenly remembers to the way she moves her hands to accompany her speech; he already loves how expressive she is with her face features, and only confirms how he’d listen to her speak for the rest of his life.

Y/N manages to get more words out of him than she expected, and asks for his opinion or thoughts on most things she mentions. She hates making conversation purely about herself, she wants to know about Harry as much as she can. She wishes he would initiate conversation or switch topics with no shame, but she knows she’s asking for too much. This night alone they interacted more than the last three months combined, and Y/N is grateful for it.

Three chapters of FRIENDS had passed when she finds herself scooting a bit closer to him, carefully trying to read his body language. When he stiffens in his position, she turns her head to look at him. His cheeks are tinted a cute shade of pink, and he’s blinking a lot more than he usually does. He places both hands on his thighs and runs them up and down to get rid of the sweat accumulating on them, and he can’t help but gasp when their thighs touch, meaning she scooted even closer. As if that isn’t enough to kill him, she softly rests her head on his shoulder.

“Is this ok?” Y/N whispers, and he forces himself to turn his head to find her eyes, which are already looking up at him. He slowly nods and makes the dumb mistake of looking down at her lips. He feels the hot embarrassment run up his neck and quickly turns to face his TV again, planning on pretending nothing ever happened.

That is, until he feels the soft skin of her palm and gentle fingers grab his jaw, forcing his gaze back on her. That touch alone makes him feel more than any other human has made him feel in his entire life – but it doesn’t compare to the eruption of jitteriness washing through him when her eyes look down at his lips.

“Can I kiss you?” Harry freezes in his spot. He wonders if he heard her correctly, not believing his senses when around her, the possibility of her wanting to kiss him are too low, he thinks, and when he doesn’t respond, she slowly begins to remove her hand from his face, taking a guess on his unspoken rejection. He, for once, reacts quickly enough; he grabs her by her wrist, placing her hand back again in its spot on his jaw, and works enough courage to just go for it. Harry lowers his face to gently envelope her top lip between his own. It’s quick but sweet (just like she had expected their first kiss to be, if she’d ever got lucky enough to experience it) and when he moves away just enough to separate her lips, she wastes no time in connecting them again. This time, the kiss is longer and with more determination than before, and when Harry feels Y/N melt into him, he gains enough confidence to grab her face with both of his hands, deepening the kiss.

They stay enveloped in each other for a while, mouths molding and moving in sync with so many unspoken emotions it feels overwhelming for both – they barely know each other, they’re very aware of it, but the undeniable infatuation they both feel is stronger than they’d ever admit. Y/N feels on her face the long exhale that leaves through Harry’s nose when she softly traces his bottom lip with the tip of her tongue, and when he meets her tongue with his, the mood that was settled between them switches drastically – from sweet and innocent to needy and passionate.

Harry isn’t very experienced with kissing, let alone with anything past first base. He’d only made out with a girl all the way back in high school during his senior prom, and the girl was so harsh and desperate Harry knew that moment he wouldn’t ever share an intimate moment with anyone again unless he truly felt something for them. Now, he knows it might seem like he’s rushing things in his heart, but he’d do anything with and for Y/N – but he knows he’s not ready just yet.

His nervousness consumes him again when she moves to straddle his lap, making him whimper at the new position. He shakily places his hands next to her legs on the couch, not sure what is too much and what is ok to do. She runs her hands from his jaw down to his shoulders, and moves them all the way down his arms to his hands, giving them a soft squeeze before placing them on her waist and sliding her own back up again towards his neck, never breaking the kiss.

He unintentionally lets a second whimper leave his mouth when she sits herself down on his lap, creating some friction between their groins. He knows he’s hard – he felt his dick grow in his pants the second she touched his jaw, but knowing Y/N could feel it now put him a tad on edge. He separates their lips; their agitated breathing mixing in between them.

“I- I’ve never…” Harry begins, but he’s having a hard time finding the correct words. Y/N understands almost immediately – she’s not proud to admit she had figured he was unexperienced, feeding the stereotype of shy-ergo-virgin, even though she was correct this time.

“We won’t do anything you don’t want to,” Y/N gives him a soft peck and continues, “you can say no, but I’d love to make you feel good, if you’d let me. We can keep our clothes on.” Y/N suggests. If she has to be honest, she hasn’t dry-humped anyone since high school, but the thought of doing it with Harry lights her insides in animalistic flames.

When Harry timidly nods, she shakes her head with her eyebrows raised in a disapproving look, “Use your words, H.”

“I- I want you to- to do it. I- I trust you.” His stuttering makes Y/N’s insides warm, the fact that she makes him nervous amuses her – she’s certain she’s never made anyone this nervous before, but it is the fact that Harry admitted he trusts her what sends shivers down her spine. All she does in response is roll her hips against his – and when he closes his eyes with a pleasured groan leaving his lips, she does it again. Harry’s grip on her waist lowers to her hips, squeezing the flesh that was subtly beginning to get exposed from all the movement, and when he throws his head back Y/N takes advantage of his exposed neck to finally attach her lips to it. Her hold on one side of his face moves to grip his jaw, turning his head slightly to the side so she can suck on the sweet spot behind his ear still rolling her hips on his, and when she pokes the spot with her tongue to soothe the pleasuring sting, he unconsciously thrusts his hips up to meet hers; Y/N can’t help but smile and leave a trail of sweet, wet kisses from his new deepening bruise to the place where his neck meets his shoulders, repeating her actions there to leave a second bruise.

Harry feels his cock twitch in his pants when Y/N rolls her hips with more pressure, and they both know he’s close - his inexperience making him not last longer than a couple of minutes. “Are you going to cum for me?” Y/N asks him, holding his jaw tightly to keep his gaze on hers, and when he shyly nods she adds, “I want you to look at me when you do it.”

Harry can’t believe what’s going on – he has the most beautiful woman in the word on top of him about to make him cum, and he’s sure he’s going to come so hard he’ll probably have to throw his briefs into the trash. Her gaze staring so intensely into his eyes is what makes his insides finally explode, his eyes seeing white for a moment – with his mouth open ajar and glossy eyes he feels the large amount of cum spurting from his cock, making a mess inside his pants. The pleasure and fullness he feels during this moment is something he has never experienced before, never thinking he would surrender this fast over someone else’s actions. Y/N slows her movements but doesn’t stop for a while, allowing him to empty his insides until he hisses at the friction. Harry hugs her lower back to pull her closer to him, and Y/N lets her head drop to his shoulder so they can both catch their breaths.

They stay like that for a while, hugging each other with Y/N running her hand softly through his chocolate curls and Harry tracing small circles on the small of her back.

“You saved me from a car accident, a year or so ago.” Harry confesses – the pure bliss he’s feeling makes him dizzy and unaware of his words.

“I know. I remember.” Y/N confesses herself, and when Harry’s soft caresses stop at her back, she removes her head from the warm spot on his neck to look at him in the eyes, finding a confused frown in his eyebrows and lips in a small pout – she kisses him soft and quickly, not being able to contain herself. “I figured you either didn’t remember or didn’t bring it up for a reason, so I chose to not mention it.” She shudders and gives him a soft smile.

“Was embarrassed, still am.” Harry whispers with red cheeks, and Y/N’s laugh resonates through his living room, and if he wasn’t already obsessed with her, her laugh completes his way there.

“So cute.” She pecks his lips. “Can’t believe it took us this long to… talk.” Another peck. A knowing look on her face knowing damn well they did more than talking.

“You are too pretty. And intimidating. Can’t even walk in front of you without tripping over my own feet.” Y/N giggles at his confession, finding him even more amusing.

“Do you want to go on a date tomorrow?” Y/N asked, not being able to wait another day to ask. Harry feels his cheeks hurting from all the smiling, but he is too content in this moment.

“I’d love to.”

x

As always, feedback is truly appreciated,

love, Joey.

[tobiosmilktea]

umpah umpah! smau

↪︎ bokuto x f!reader x iwaizumi

[015] — the half of it!

masterlist | prev. | next

a/n: keep in the mind that y/n doesn’t have a faceclaim so that instagram photo is not a visual representation

also this wasn’t proofread and lowkey i’m not sure if this entire chapter even makes sense. read with caution lmao

the night went by in a flash with the second hour passing just as quickly as the first one. you were grateful that there wasn’t a single ounce of awkwardness drenching the lighthearted atmosphere of the restaurant when bokuto arrived fashionably late—rather that’s what he told you and the rest of the ddd team when he slid into the booth right across from you.

however, if bokuto was truly being honest, he actually made it right on time, yet something in him had held him back longer. he probably took a good fifteen minutes sitting in his car as if he was waiting for a sign to fucking walk in already. bokuto would have been lying to himself if he didn’t believe (even for a second) that he was absolutely terrified to see your face. no matter how much he wanted to see you again, the mere thought of your past relationship with iwaizumi had his knuckles turning alabaster as he gripped his steering wheel.

the athlete scoffed at his state that was so unbelievably wrapped around this idea that happened such a long time ago. admittedly, why in the hell would thee bokuto koutarou of the msby black jackals be hung up over a girl from high school anyway? he wanted to laugh at himself because akaashi was right.

it simply didn’t matter anymore.

or at least that’s what bokuto kept affirming in his head over and over and over again as he marched himself into that restaurant. there was confidence in the way he approached the nearly filled booth, yet the moment you shifted your eyes towards him, it all melted into oblivion.

goddammit, why did akaashi force him to sit across from you? it’s almost like he knew exactly how to torment both you and bokuto just by asking sugawara to scoot closer to the other side of the bench.

surprisingly, bokuto can handle his alcohol and knows how to moderate his drinking habits, yet tonight was his only exception. with you constantly throwing him knowing glances that reminded him of your shared relationship, it was his only driving force that kept him throwing his head back with shot after shot of soju.

by the time the entire group was all set and done, everyone was considerably drunk. it was kaori, yuko, and bokuto who were so severely wasted that it honestly forced you and the rest of the group to hold back in order to get everyone home safe and sound.

semi, who was sitting next to you, stands up first as the bill is handed back. “kaori and i will head out first. you guys get home safe, okay?”

you nod, waving ddd’s musician goodbye as he helps a tipsy kaori from stumbling over herself.

“i guess i should get going too,” sugawara adds in a beat later, motioning to yuko with her eyes closed and rested against the wall right behind her. “i know damn well she’s going to make me carry her ass up to her apartment.”

“bye, stay safe.” akaashi mutters as the four exit the restaurant, leaving you, him, and a drunken bokuto.

you held back an amused chuckle as akaashi gave you a look satiated in aversion. you couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit guilty knowing that he’s going to be the one struggling trying to take bokuto back home safe despite knowing damn well it was going to happen sooner or later as the night of drinking continued.

akaashi let out a sigh, “well... guess i should take this one home too, shouldn’t i. you can go home first since you live close.” he offers, but you quickly decline.

“no, it’s fine.” you shook your head as you stood from your seat, “since i live so close, we could try and get him sobered up a bit so it’s easier for you to take him home.”

“are you sure?” asked akaashi as you gathered your things.

nodding, you make your way around the table to help bokuto stand. “yeah, i kind of feel bad. i don’t know if you noticed, but something was up with him today.”

perhaps akaashi was glad you didn’t notice the way his expression suddenly changed. he didn’t want to pry too much into your personal life or your past, but he knew damn well that the secrets need to be told. you two have been good friends since high school, yet it wasn’t until you and akaashi started working together with love cemetery did you two become so close. it’s never his business to be so caught up in whatever web you somehow got caught in literally years after everything happened, yet here you guys were.

he couldn’t stand and watch his best friend potentially hurt because of your in ability of communicate. granted, akaashi knew how personal those feelings were to you with no way to express it.

that’s the entire reason why you started love cemetery anyway—your both your relationships with iwaizumi and bokuto ended so abruptly, if you thought about it hard enough, there was no distinct closure despite ending on good terms with both of them. this, this sense of blurred lines of your webtoon and your past relationships were honestly just a coping mechanism for you.

how badly did akaashi just wanted to sit you down and talk your head on straight, but once again:

it wasn’t his business.

“alright, then.” akaashi sighs, helping you lead bokuto into his car. “let’s go.”

there was a special sense of silence in the air that tensed the moment akaashi started the car, engine humming in the background of the radio on low volume. the bright downtown tokyo lights simmered down as they reached the suburban areas of the city, filling you with a sense of serene peace as fatigue was slowly catching up to you as well.

a weight fell on your shoulder then as the car pulled into a stop. bokuto’s white hair brushed against your cheek as you looked down on him, pushing the man up and towards akaashi who had opened the door opposite from you.

the volleyball player muttered something incohesive beneath his breath as his weighted eyes attempted to open. bokuto had no idea where he was, but at this point, he couldn’t care less. he wanted to just crash into bed and sleep until the afternoon.

akaashi let out a grunt as he slung his best friend’s arm over his shoulders, following just behind you as the three of you walk up to your apartment. you threw a glance over your shoulder, watching your poor friend struggling to get the beefy athlete up the last flight of stairs.

an amused laugh left your lips, “are you sure you don’t need any help?” you offered as granted, you did offer to help get bokuto up to your apartment only for akaashi to say no. at this point, his struggle was on him.

“just hurry and unlock the door,” akaashi grumbles.

“right...” you mutter, reaching into your bag for your house keys only to feel a buzzing in your pocket.

“shit.” you say under your breath, forcing your seeping thoughts and increasing heart rate back as you opened the door.

your exes seeing each other at work was a different story. considering that neither of them knew of you past relationship with the ladder, it surely wouldn’t be a problem, but this was literally one of the last things you wanted to happen tonight. like seriously, doesn’t finding a drunk athlete that happens to be from the volleyball team you work for bad enough? surely having bokuto be in your apartment wouldn’t help your case either.

you stepped back into your living room, swallowing the bundle of nerves down your throat as bokuto seemed to regain enough conscious to form coherent words.

“kaashi~” he whined, voice muffled by the pillow he wrapped his muscular arms around. “i’m hungry.”

“we literally just had korean barbeque dude,” his best friend scoffs. 

“we literally just had korean barbeque dude,” his best friend scoffs. 

“we literally just had korean barbeque dude,” his best friend scoffs. 

“we literally just had korean barbeque dude,” his best friend scoffs. 

“okay, and?” bokuto pressed on, causing akaashi to roll his eyes.

“fine,” he deadpans before asking, “what do you want?”

the volleyball player smirked slightly, “ramen.”

akaashi stands up then, giving you an unenthused look as you approached him. you feigned a look of shock from appearing on your expression as you brushed past, frustration coating your very figure. this was not good.

a sigh left your lips as your brain scavenged desperately for a plan. at some point, the truth had to be revealed sooner or later whether you liked it or not. you just didn’t like how they both had to find out this way. 

you set the water upon the table in front of your sofa, setting the medicine gently upon bokuto’s palm. 

bokuto always thought you had the softest hands. he would often find excuses just to hold your hand back when you two used to date. it would always make him feel safe and warm, yet nowadays he still yearned to feel that sense of familiarity again—even if it meant it was the last time he would ever get to.

“thank you,” he says.

“yeah, no problem.” the words left your mouth softer than you had anticipated when bokuto made eye contact with you—familiar and warm as if you were home.

you didn’t know what to think then as you placed yourself next to him, yet still leaving space for comfort. bokuto looked so cute and vulnerable in such a state, how in the hell were you supposed to kick this guy out of your apartment?

the thought spiraled in your head. surely there had an excuse conjured somewhere up in your head. you cleared your throat, “never thought you’d be a lightweight.”

your words left your mouth in a hurry. it seemed a bit unnatural but at this point with bokuto wasted, you barely tipsy yet panicked that iwaizumi is on his way, and akaashi not knowing a single thing besides deliriously making ramen for his best friend—nothing about tonight was natural.

bokuto let out a playfully offended scoff, “i’m not! the alcohol was just strong tonight...”

“whatever you say, kou.” you mused with a smile that left bokuto’s heart racing.

your lips looked nice at the moment. with the dim florescent lights casting shadows upon your face, he wondered whether or not it was a good idea being this dangerously close to you. hell, now that you two were alone and akaashi was preoccupied this would be the perfect place to ask you the questions that had be plaguing his mind all day. that would have been the correct option, yet something within him wanted different with the way bokuto’s gaze flicked down to your lips.

you couldn’t help but notice the way he would look at you, deep brown eyes that would send red heat to your cheeks until it reached your ears. you weren’t exactly sure if he was going to do anything, but it wasn’t like you entirely opposed anyway.

bokuto cleared his throat suddenly as he pulled you both out of your trances. 

“can i ask you a question?”

your eyebrows furrow slightly with a tilt of your head, “hm?”

curiously filled you as hesitance drenched bokuto’s thoughts, drying out his mouth as he gulped his drunken nerves. “i know this is from a long time ago,” he starts, not even having enough courage to look at you. “but how come you never told me about your past relationships when we first started dating?”

bokuto’s words sobered him up—he needed to be i order to even comprehend an answer from you whether or not it would suffice. to no surprise did it catch you off guard either. as your eyes has widened into saucers, heart thumping against your ribcage, palm perspiring, all while you searched for a plausible answer in your head. you weren’t entirely sure if you should panic at the chance that bokuto did in fact find out about you and iwaizumi, or if he was just entirely curious.

it certainly didn’t matter if she lied, either, they were bound to find out now that both of them were in your life regularly and they’ve both read love cemetery, they are bound to find out sooner or later. bokuto and iwaizumi had all the clues placed out in front of them, it was just a matter of time when they would piece them all together and connect the dots.

you let out a shaky sigh. the best way to answer this was to be as calm as possible knowing bokuto was drunk and you weren’t entirely sure how he would react. “i just didn’t think think it was an important detail,” you mutter. it was neither a lie or the entire truth.

“i feel like it would’ve made sense to mention it at least.” says bokuto, “i mean... what happened to telling each other everything back then?”

god, you really didn’t want to have this conversation right now, especially when akaashi could easily walk back in. “i’m sorry that i didn’t tell you, but it’s not like it’s relevant now, is it? it’s been years.”

“it’s still very much relevant, you know.”

“how so?”

but before bokuto could part his lips to answer, the doorbell rings, sending a sharp echo throughout the apartment. your body immediately stood up, flinching and completely grimacing at the idea that both your pieces are only a few meters apart.

you couldn’t here anything then as you made your way to the door. your the beat of your beat was so loud that you swear bokuto could hear it quicken as you turned the door knob.

capturing your bottom lip between your teeth, you cracked the door open slightly with only your head peaking out through small opening.

“hey, (y/n),” the sound of his voice sent shivers down your spine, yet it still ended up comforting you more than expected. you just hoped bokuto couldn’t hear who it was.

“hi, iwaizumi.” you say almost in a harsh whisper.

you cursed yourself internally—of course out of all people, this would happen to you. you couldn’t help but grumble at the fact that surely this was some sort of karma life was giving you a universal punishment. whatever it was, you prayed it would end soon. maybe it should just put you out of your misery...

iwaizumi gave you a charming smile, the moonlight absolutely doing wonders as it casted shadows upon his chiseled face. seriously, can this guy get even more handsome?

you licked your lips absentmindedly at the thought of this as iwaizumi held up your belongings. “i brought your things! sorry for coming by so late, i just wanted to see you tonight.”

crimson red heat decorated your cheeks at his words. your thoughts were going hundreds of miles an hour just by your hands slightly brushing against each other as he handed you your jacket.

“thanks,” was all you could say.

it was calm and light as relief was almost near knowing you two were about to say your goodbyes. yet as fate always liked to give you the short end of the stick, footsteps clambered from behind you.

“(y/n), who’s there?” bokuto’s voice calls out to you rather loudly, causing your eyes to practically jump out of it’s sockets the moment the athlete pulled the door wide open. at the sudden jerky movement, bokuto revealed himself to a surprised athletic trainer.

his eyes blinked together multiple times as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. you see, iwaizumi has always been a rational person when it came to misunderstanding and he would never ever jump to conclusions but at this rate, what else could he really assume seeing his ex-girlfriend and his coworker together late at night?

there was a boiling limbic inkling within iwaizumi that he wasn’t know what it was composed up. it was like a mix of annoyance and unsolicited anger that he couldn’t help but feel his muscles tense and his hands tighten into fists.

the silence that ensued you three was so violently loud that you didn’t know what to do. never in a million years would you have ever imagined that this is how it would all end.

this is how everything would come crumbling down.

fun facts! —

while bokuto was in the parking lot hesitating to go in, satomi was hyping him up the entire time

meanwhile satomi and iwaizumi were actually still at work during all this

satomi thought it was a good chance of alone time with him, but the entire night iwaizumi was hurrying to get his work done so he could see (y/n)

taglist: (closed!)

@moonlightaangel @elianetsantana @k4tiepie @memorableminds @wheeshllumi @suhkusa @kitsunetea @airybby @noeminemi @truly-a-snitch @keichan @cosmicmermaid25 @bap-kingdom @saturnfarie @kwdflash @ennos-baby @dinablossom @chrisrue15 @seikamuzu @nestlevanilla @chasekudo @yammmers @pixcldust @iwaizluv @h0ngh0ngh0ng @emogril @tiredandkindaoverworked @tsumue @underratedmage @bokutosuwus @kellesvt @unstableye @oh-tapeworm @scrappyfka @alittlebitofrain @mxngy @tpwkatsumu @atsumuwoah @macchiatoast @dicerawr @kageyamasbabygorl @some-random-stranger-007 @vhskenma @wntrmn @little-plants @stargirlara @kissungjae @je11yfishwriter @sbaepsae @apollochjld

[eelistolvanen]

Bruises that you left behind - Travis Konecny Pt.4

A/N: This chapter is a bit shorter and it’s probably more of a filler. After this the next chapter (Pt. 5) is probably going to be the last one(Hopefully longer than this one).  Thanks to everyone who liked, reblogged or commented! Let me know if you like it! Happy reading <3

Words: 2.9k 

Warnings: Angst, more heartbreak, mentions of a panic attack, no proofread (as usual)

Part 1    Part 2     Part 3  

------------------------------------------------

Nobody else on the team knew anything more about your suspicion. They were just as clueless as you were about what exactly happened.

Christmas was coming around and you were busy with work most days. You were still hanging out with some of the boys and the girls on the team, just not as frequent. And even though the situation with Travis still wasn’t really resolved you were trying to avoid him. Not that he was looking for you or reach out for you, but you made sure that there wasn’t a chance of an unexpected run in like there had been at Halloween.

You mostly hung out with Kevin. Nolan was hanging out with Kelsey most days and as much as you loved both of them, you tried to stay away from third wheeling a couple for now. And Kev was fun to hang out. He never pressed the Travis issue and was always able to get your head away from work.

And it was just before Christmas when Maddie broke the happy news to you. Provy proposed to her and you needed to be one of the first to know. At least that’s what she was telling you when she stormed your apartment that day. You were happy for her, they were a great couple but you couldn’t help the heavy heart you got when she mentioned what her dream wedding looked like. You smiled through her showing you her wedding pinterest and telling you about the place she wanted to get married at. That the wedding would be perfect.

You felt a sab in your heart. Your wedding was perfect, everything had been picture perfect. Besides that one thing. That ruined everything.

 He slowly shook his head. “He’s not coming, Y/N.”

At first you couldn’t believe it. You couldn’t really understand, you didn’t want to understand because understanding would also mean that you in a way accepted it. And you didn’t.

“No, Nolan. This can’t be right. Maybe… maybe you misunderstood him. I.. I-“ There wasn’t anything he could say that would make this hurt less and he needed to tell you the truth. He couldn’t sugarcoat this. No matter how many times Nolan had protected you before, tried to keep you out of harms, this time he wouldn’t be able to do so anymore. He couldn’t protect you from harm. From heartbreak.

“He called the wedding off, Y/N. I’m so sorry-“ You couldn’t listen to him and you didn’t want to. You didn’t want to hear him apologize for something he didn’t do.

“I have to talk to him, Nolan. Where is he?” Nolan stayed silent and you could already guess his answer but you weren’t just heartbroken anymore. You were angry.

“WHERE IS HE?” You barely raised your voice and Nolan visibly flinched at your change in tone.

“He already left.”  You were in denial and angry so you were only half registering what Nolan said. And as much as Nolan tried to convince you that he’d already left and that it was stupid to run all the way to the room where he was supposed to get dress for his own wedding, you weren’t listening.

You swung the door to his room open, by now halfway believing Nolan that he had left and expecting an empty room, but you were met with Travis’ silhouette. At least you mistook it for his silhouette for a second. His brother had enough similarity to Travis to fool you at first glance.

Then Chase turned around and the expression on his face would have broken you if your heart hadn’t already been shattered minutes prior.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. He’s gone.” He looked at you the same way Nolan had. Full of pity, sorrowful, hurt.

You only spotted the letter he had in his hand once he stepped closer to you.

“He asked me to give you this.” He handed you the letter but before he could blink you had thrown it across the room. “Why didn’t you stop him Chase!” You were hammering your fists onto his chest. You knew it wasn’t his fault but your anger had taken over, he slowly caught your wrists while your punches lost force. “I tried Y/N, believe me I tried.”

You didn’t wanna hear it, you ripped your wrists from his grasp and made your way out the door. Nolan’s “Where are you doing?” were left unanswered.

On your way out you ran into Maddie. And apparently everyone already knew that the wedding was called off. You brushed off her inquiries about your well being and quickly appointed her to your personal chauffeur. You could sense that she wanted to fight this but by now you had turned into full on bridezilla and she knew better than to get in your way.

She had barely stopped the car in front of yours and Travis’ shared house before you jumped out and made your way up the stairs. And for the next couple minutes you ran around your house like a mad person, still in your gown and everything while trying to process what had happened.

When you came to a standstill Maddie was already standing in the doorway.

“Y/N…” Her tone was cautious but laced with pain. She hated to see you this broken and she hated Travis for doing this to you.

“He’s gone..” You said it more to yourself than to her but it was still loud enough for her to hear it.  

“What..-“ Maddie barely got a word out. She knew Travis left the wedding but this felt different. It felt worse.

“His suitcase for our honeymoon is gone.” You gestured towards an area in the entryway. “His favourite snapbacks…” You moved towards an empty shelf. “His fishing rods… All the dog leashes… His grandmother’s picture on the nightstand… Everything that’s important to him… It’s all gone..”

This was it. This was your breaking point, for the first time that day you started to cry. “He’s gone, Maddie.” You sobbed under tears while she rushed to you to you. You felt yourself starting to hyperventilate, you were panicking.

“Ahrgh,.. get me… out.. get me out of this.” You were trying to rip your dress from your body but the lacing on the back kept it in place.

“Hey, hey, hey, Y/N. Breath Y/N, breath. I’m getting you out of this.”

It felt like forever till she had finally cut all the lacing open and shed you from your wedding dress. Your entire body was shaking as you fell onto your knees and completely broke down.

“It’s over, Maddie. It’s over.”

-----------------------------------

You had holed yourself up in your house for the next days. You didn’t want to see anyone right now. You knew they meant well, you just couldn’t take it. The only people you let in were Nolan for his daily check ups, Maddie and your sister. The day before Maddie had told you that she needed to get back home and that she would see you in Philly soon. You knew that you wouldn’t but she didn’t had to know that now. You weren’t in the mood to explain that your life in Philly was over. So you just nodded in agreement and said your goodbyes to her. This morning your sister had dropped to tell you that she had to fly back home. But not before telling you that you should consider coming home for a while as well. Your parents home or your sisters were always open for you. You tried to fight her, tell her that as long as you stayed here you weren’t giving up, that there was still a chance but deep down you had already contemplated the move back home before she had brought it up.

Now Nolan was sitting on one of the kitchen stools, nervously bouncing his legs. It was driving you nuts. You knew there was something he wasn’t telling you and you also knew that he was aware that you sensed this.

“Spit it out Nolan. What is it?” Your tone was irritated.

He took a deep breath before making eye contact with you.

“Chase got a hold of Travis.” His eyes were searching yours for a reaction before he continued

“He’s in Fiji. And he told Chase to move all his remaining stuff out of your house if you want to stay here. He won’t be back here for a while.”

You knew this was coming, deep down you knew he wouldn’t come back to you. But it still hurt more than you thought it would. It was over.

“Fiji? Please tell me he’s-“ Your voice broke before you could finish the sentence but Nolan knew what you were gonna ask anyway. His slight nod let you know what you wanted to know soon enough.

“Please tell me he’s by himself. That he didn’t take some mistress to our Honeymoon resort..”

Nolan’s eyes went wide. “I don’t know if he’s alone or not… You don’t.. you don’t think he’s cheating on you? Y/N?” He was almost to shocked to form a coherent sentence.

“I don’t know, Nolan…” You felt tired. And numb. Suddenly you felt like Nolan’s presence was crushing you.

“Thanks for stopping by Nolan.” Your tone made it clear that he wasn’t welcomed anymore. It was cold and unfair what you did to Nolan but you wanted to be alone.

It took you a while to realise that he left something on your kitchen island after he left. It dawned on you what it was after you picked it up. The letter you threw across the room that Chase gave you. It had your name on top of it in Travis’ scrawny handwriting.

You turned towards one of the kitchen drawers and started searching through them until you found what you were looking for.

For a moment the thought of burning the entire house down crossed you mind. No, you could probably go to jail for that. The letter, however, went up in flames seconds later.  

That afternoon you cleared everything that fit in your car out of your house. You had made your choice. The life you once had was gone. Travis wasn’t coming back to you. So instead of trying to hang onto a life that was only inflicting you pain you decided to leave it behind. All of it. Travis, the dogs, the house, Nolan, all your friends in Philly. An entire life, really.

By the time Nolan came around the next day for this next check up you were already miles away from your old life. You said goodbye to the last pieces of that life a few weeks later. By now you were able to transfer to a local school near your hometown. You emptied everything that belonged to you out of your and Travis’ shared Philly place.

Quietly, like a ghost, you vanished from your past life until there were no traces of you left anymore.

You tried to share Maddie’s excitement as much as you could. She knew herself that this wasn’t easy for you and was a little more lenient than usual. You also got invited to the Flyers Christmas party but had to decline because you already had something school related that evening. In a way you were relieved that you had an excuse but you were also a bit sad since you loved hanging out with the team.

It was already mid January when you saw Travis again. Strictly by coincidence. It had nothing to do with the team or Nolan or Kevin. You were out shopping but since you were looking for something different than usual, something for your students actually, you found yourself on the other side of town. Not in your wildest dreams did you think you would run into Travis in a parking lot. You probably wouldn’t have even noticed him if he hadn’t called out to you.

“Oh, hey Travis” You were sure he realised how shocked you were to see him, and he kinda looked at you the same way. Like two aliens from the same planet meeting each other on another planet or something. At least that’s how it looked to you.

“How are you Y/N?” His voice was soft, contrary to his appearance.

Was he seriously trying to make small talk with you in parking lot?

“Good. Busy with school and stuff.” You weren’t quite sure what to say, were you just gonna talk like some people who barely knew each other? Or was there more behind his question?

“Ah, yeah, Haysey told be that you’re teaching in Philly again.” You raised your eyebrows, he talked with Kev about you? He seemed to notice your questioning look on your face.

“I ask him about it. I just wanted to know how you’re doing.” Your heart sunk towards your feet at his words. You wished he didn’t care so much, it would be easier if he wasn’t trying so hard to fix this.

“Yeahh… It’s good.” You turned back towards your car, enough small talk.

“Don’t just run away again, Y/N. I’m trying, I am.”

You felt your emotions flare up again. Why couldn’t he just let it be?

“Your not trying hard enough.”

He was stroking through his hair in despair.

“What do you want me to do then?” You stared at him. How many times did you have to tell him again? Why couldn’t he answer the one question you wanted to know.

“I want you to tell me the real reason! What was in that letter Travis?”

“ I didn’t mean to hurt you, Y/N.” You scoffed, of course he would deflect again. He always did. “Oh really? What did you think would happen when you left me at the altar then? That I would be happy? Why Travis, why? I just don’t understand your reason.”

“Why is it so important to you? Why do I have to explain my reasons to you? I fucked up, ok? I made the biggest mistake of my life. I ruined my life. And I’m so sorry, Y/N. If I could turn back time I would do it all differently. In a perfect life I would have married you and we would have kids by now. But I fucked that up. It was all my fault and I’m so so sorry. Isn’t that enough?”

You stared at him for a while. You knew he would wait til you spoke up. You slowly shook your head.

“No, it’s not. I wanna know the real reason. I know there is one.” You tried your hardest to keep your voice steady.

“Why do you wanna know so bad?!” His voice was rising and so was yours as you shouted,

“Because I need to know it to move on!” Travis was visibly taken aback. He looked like someone slapped him in the face. He was left speechless so you continued.

“Since the wedding I’ve been running away from it all. From all the memories, from the pain, from my life, my friends. I thought that running away would ease the pain. I thought I could move on. But deep down all the pain was still there, bottled up deep down. And I realise now that I have to face it and work through it to move on. But I need to make peace with the reason why you left me, I…-”

You didn’t get any further before Travis finally found his voice.

“Move on? You’re… you’re moving on? I thought we could work this out.”

You looked at the sky and let out something between a laugh and a groan.

“There’s nothing to work on, Travis. There is no us, not anymore.”

“But you still love me!” He sounded angry now, his tone throwing you off guard.

“No, I don’t. Not anymore.” That was a lie, but you couldn’t give him any hope. Not when you’d already lost yours.

“That’s a lie, Y/N. I know you and I know when you’re lying.”

“You used to know me, Travis. Not anymore. Things have changed. The pain you put me through changed me.”

Even a complete stranger could detect the absolute agony in your voice when you said that. And Travis knew that you meant it, you wanted to move on.

Defeated he turned away from you, he didn’t want to tell you the reason. Especially not when knowing that it meant that you would move on once he told you. But he had to, he owed that to you. Even if it was the last thing he would ever get to say to you, he owed that to you.

“It’s not any of the reason that you think. There was never anyone else. And I knew that I would never find anyone better than you. But I promised you, I promised I wouldn’t do this to you.”

It took you a moment to understand what he was talking about. What promise he meant. And when you did, suddenly everything seemed to fall apart inside you. A silent sob escaped your lips. A disbelieving, shocked “No..” was all you came up with. This couldn’t be true. He’d turned around now and when you looked at him you could see that silent tears were running down his face. You didn’t remember ever seeing him in so much despair.

“ I promised you, Y/N…”

Part 5