#bc hey - he's different too! and that's not a bad thing. being different is never a bad thing

[sage-nebula]

Tails was bullied on West Side Island because he was born with two tails. That's his canon backstory. He was born different, and that difference led to him being ostracized and shunned. It's not a stretch to think that his prodigy level intelligence wouldn't have done him any favors either, because kids are mean and being a nerd isn't exactly seen as cool by most. Even adults probably would have thought he was weird for wanting to tinker with stuff, would probably think he was more liable to break it or set the building on fire or something, and so probably didn't give him too much of a chance to prove his mettle when it comes to engineering. That part is speculative though; I think all we know for sure is that the people of Tails' hometown saw his second tail and thought, "Freak."

Sonic didn't feel that way, but then again, look at Sonic. Him being blue isn't a big deal, because animals come in all sorts of colors in this world, but he can run at supersonic speeds. He can break the sound barrier, easy. That's something no one else can do, hedgehog or otherwise. And as far as we know, Sonic's been able to do this since he was born. He was born different, too.

And you might think, okay, but Sonic's speed isn't visible just by looking at him, and also it's like a superpower, so how is that comparable? And I say, Tails' extra tail lets him fly. No other fox on the planet can do that without assistance. They need planes, or jetpacks, or whatever, but Tails doesn't. Tails can fly all on his own. Doesn't that count as a superpower in its own right?

Tails' village looked at him, and they said, he's different, he's a freak. Sonic looked at him and said, hey, I'm different, too. Guess that makes us two of a kind, huh?

And that made all the difference.

[youunravelme]

nothing happened in the way i wanted part 1

author's note: okay so let it be known that my FAV emily henry book is happy place (if you want a deep dive into my personality, if you want to know the inner workings of my mind, read the book) SO with that being said, this fic was inspired by that masterpiece. plus i've fallen down a matt rabbit hole as of late. just a warning, this is a LONG ass fic (74 pages and 30.3k words, not a brag, i kinda regret that it's this long bc my brain hurts) so pace yourselves okay? thank you for being the kindest people ever!! this is finished, but tumblr said what i wrote is too long. so i'm posting it in parts lolol.

summary: a year has passed and you are no closer to understanding why matt ended things and you have every plan of avoiding that thought until he comes back in town for the offseason, then suddenly he's everywhere.

pairing: matthew tkachuk x reader

warnings: ANGST, friends to lovers to exes to lovers, mention of sexual assault, attempted sexual assault, drinking, depression, panic attacks, let me know if i missed something!

after

despite being back in st. louis for six months, summer still felt like it came too fast. your thighs started sticking to the seats from sweat about three weeks ago. summer used to be your favorite season because it meant you had unlimited access to the love of your life, you weren’t sharing him with his teammates or his crazy schedule.

but he wasn’t yours anymore. matthew hadn’t been yours in six months and some change.

the second you entered your parents’ home, you tossed your keys into the bowl and slid your shoes off. it’d been six months since you moved home, and it still didn’t feel like a space where you belonged. you walked into the living room without so much as a hello from either of your parents, both of whom were posted up on the couch. they weren’t talking to each other, just letting the noise from the news fill the room instead of conversation.

“hey,” you greeted, plopping down in the recliner.

“how was work?” your mom asked.

you shrugged, not quite having the words to convey how mundane it had been. you were working on restoring a piece for this rich couple who lived in the same neighborhood as the tkachuks. it wasn’t in too bad of shape, given the fact that you were the one entrusted to work on it. if it was actually something incredibly complicated, your boss would’ve found someone else more experienced to do it.

when you entered art restoration and conservation, you thought it would be mindless. art had always been an escape for you, a chance to remove yourself from your racing thoughts. you thought that by entering the art conservation field, you could add onto something, enhance the beauty that was lost over the years of damage, instead of creating something from your own experiences.

but no one told you how hard it would be after your breakup, that you would have to learn how to pour bottles of chemical solvent into a glass when your eyes were blurring with tears. no one said anything about how you would spend hours hunched over, fixing the problems in paintings that only served to remind you that while you could mend a masterpiece, you were unable to stop and patch up the problems in your relationship. no one spoke about how you would inevitably relate to the paintings that came to you in shambles, the only difference being that clients would pay thousands of dollars for their paintings to be restored to their former glory, your ex let you fall apart alone in a city where you had no friends outside of the ones you’d made through him.

but how could you communicate that to your mother? to your father? both of whom stayed in an unhappy marriage for the sake of optics? how could you tell them that it’s been months and you were still no more over your ex than the day it ended? how could they understand you? they stayed together out of convenience, out of a fear of ending their marriage only to never find someone else.

it had been six months since your relationship ended, and you were no closer to understanding why.

“just a mundane day,” was all you said instead. “nothing to write home about.”

both of your parents hummed.

“did you have dinner already?” you asked.

“was gonna order pizza,” your dad said.

your mother scoffed and rolled her eyes. “no alan, we had plans to see chantal and keith tonight for dinner.”

you wanted to throw up.

you weren’t sure what you were expecting, maybe some loyalty from your parents? though, they weren’t fully privy to all the information about the demise of your relationship with matt, so maybe you couldn’t expect them to stop hanging out with his parents, especially when said parents were such great people.

“oh,” was all you could say.

“you’re more than welcome to order takeout and watch a movie,” your mom commented, like you needed permission to make yourself at home when you were actively living there. “i’m sure ronald would appreciate your company.”

you glanced at the tabby cat who was perched on his cat tree. personally, you had no issue with ronald, but he liked your mom and your mom only. though on occasion, he would allow your dad to pet him. 

“i’ll figure something out,” you said.

your mom hummed before she stood up to go get ready while your father stayed on the couch. it was only another ten minutes before he got up to change quickly, and another five before they left the house without so much as a goodbye.

before

you were incredibly aware that you didn’t quite fit in. your mom drove you to school in a beat up 1997 toyota camry which looked incredibly out of place among the bmws and audis. your mom offered to walk you in, but she was wearing her scrubs from her night shift and her face looked tired, so you declined the offer and got out of the car yourself.

it shouldn’t have been as daunting as it was, but your old school wasn’t as prestigious as this one. your previous schools in cedar rapids had been public schools. no one was wearing a uniform, and most of the backpacks worn came from the same walmart in your old neighborhood. 

but your parents had decided they wanted a better education for you, even if neither of them had the money to fork out thousands of dollars for a private school. your mom’s parents, however, were loaded. they were more than willing to fork out a small fortune for your schooling under the conditions of your family uprooting your lives to missouri. you were too young to realize what a sacrifice that was, you didn’t notice the snide comments your grandparents made about your father’s choice of career or your mother’s choice in husband.

you didn’t see your grandparents any more than you usually did since you’d moved to missouri two weeks ago. they’d been out of town on a trip to rome up until three days ago and hadn’t reached out to have dinner or hang out at all.

not that you cared at the age of nine, you were more focused on unpacking your room. but now that you were standing in front of the giant school alone, you felt like you should’ve been more concerned with how nice your school supplies were.

a kind woman greeted you at the entrance of the school. she smiled and introduced herself, though you couldn’t hear her over the roaring in your ears. she stood next to a blond haired blue eyed boy who was your height.

“are your parents here?” you weren’t sure how you heard her over the noise in your head.

you shook your head. “my mom had to go home and my dad is at work.”

the woman blinked. “is today your first day?”

“mom, it’s everyone’s first day of school,” the boy groaned.

“i wasn’t talking to you, matthew,” she said, though her eyes never left your own.

“i just moved here,” was all you said, albeit a bit quietly. 

“well, you can walk in with us.” She placed a warm hand on your back and ushered you inside next to her son.

you took notice of her nicer clothing compared to your mom’s scrubs or your dad’s tattered khakis, though the woman’s clothing wasn’t as ostentatious as other parents’.

“do you know your teacher’s name?” the woman asked.

you nodded and showed her the crumpled paper in your hand. the night before, you were wracked with nerves and wrote your teacher’s on a blank sheet of paper and doodled around it. even at nine years old, you were concerned that you’d somehow forget. you couldn’t be more grateful for it now.

the woman’s face lit up. “oh how lucky! matthew look! you’re in the same class.”

matthew for his part, tried to look happy about it, but his eyes kept wandering to the hallways, like he was looking for people he knew. you felt bad for even being in this situation. you missed your friends from iowa and the light up shoes you used to wear before you were given a uniform.

matthew’s mom pointed out the classroom that was supposed to be yours and walked both you and matthew into the room. unlike her son, who immediately found his friends to do elaborate handshakes with, you stayed by her side. she was a stranger, sure, but she was more comforting that the classroom of fifteen other nine and ten year olds.

the woman sighed and bent down a little to look you in the eyes. “it’s gonna be a good day, sweetheart,” she said. “mr. terry is a great teacher, he’s really kind.” you weren’t sure how she would know that, but you weren’t going to call her a liar. “and if you need anything, ask matthew. he’s been going here since kindergarten, okay?”

you nodded.

mr. terry walked over and introduced himself. he had dark skin and a bright smile, showing you to your seat. your name was on a card with fun stickers on it. next to your seat, you saw matthew’s name. now it wasn’t necessarily an unpopular name, there were three matthews in your third grade class, so you weren’t holding out hope that it was going to be the matthew you walked into class with. but two minutes later, he was plopping down into the seat to your left.

matthew looked almost startled to see you sitting next to him, but when the shock wore off he gave you a crooked smile and stuck his hand out. “i’m matt,” he said, like you two didn’t walk into class together.

you shook his hand anyway and gave him a shy smile and told him your name, just in case he didn’t see it written on your desk.

if it was even possible, his smile widened. “pretty name,” he said.

after

you’d watched a movie and half of another one by the time your parents walked through the front door. ronald jumped off the couch to greet your mother while he ignored your father.

“oh,” your dad said. “you’re still up.”

“i’m about to go to bed,” you replied, though you didn’t move from the couch.

“dinner was great,” your mom commented. “chantal and keith said to tell you hello.”

your gut twisted at the mention of their names. you loved his family, you really did, but the mention of the family that was almost yours stung when you looked at how your parents acted like roommates on the best of days.

you remembered summer days spent in the tkachuks’ backyard, watching as matt and brady chased each other while taryn tried her best to keep up. you remembered your dad picking you up from their house, and how you begged the entire ride home for a little brother or sister. he looked at your through the rearview mirror and said “we already achieved perfection, why mess that up?”

but you were grown now. you saw how their marriage barely survived raising you, and they were probably being smart by not risking your upbringing just to have another child.

you bid your parents goodnight and headed up the stairs to your childhood bedroom. it looked less like the office it was converted into when you moved out originally. you didn’t fault your parents for taking advantage of your absence, you, like many people your age, had zero intentions of ever moving back in until an unfortunate set of circumstances happened to you.

and that’s what life had felt like lately:

unfortunate.

unfortunate shit just happening to you.

it wasn't late by any means, but you were surprised when your phone vibrated with a text message. maybe it was the fact that you hadn’t really befriended anyone since moving back that had you flinching at the shock of someone other than your parents (or grandparents) texting you.

you unlocked your phone and opened the message, sighing when you read its contents.

emma:

hey girl! just checking in to see if you’re still good for this weekend? no worries if you can’t make it!

you dropped the phone on your stomach and groaned into your hands as soon as they made contact with your face.

years of dating matthew meant you’d grown closer to brady and taryn and by proxy, brady’s fiancée, emma. you’d already committed to being a bridesmaid and bought the dress before your relationship with matt ended. when emma found out, she called immediately and gave you an out, said she wouldn’t take it personal, that she understood if it would be too hard.

but you remembered the countless conversations had about planning your weddings while the both of you watched the loves of your lives try not to kill each other from your spots on the back porch. and you could hear it in her voice, how much it meant to her that you would be there even if she didn’t want to push it on you. it didn’t matter that only one of you was getting the wedding you planned. the bets made on who’d get married first were obsolete now.

you wanted to text her back and say you were busy, but you hadn’t seen her much since her and brady came back in town. when the senators’ season ended in april, he and emma spent some time with her family and attended the playoff games for the panthers. now that the panthers’ season ended two weeks ago, all of the tkachuks were back in town which used to excite you.

now it just filled you with dread.

no, it’s not like you lived in the same tax bracket as matt’s family. you didn’t go to the same grocery stores unless you were tagging along. no, there was a comfortable distance between your neighborhoods and st. louis was filled with two million other people that the odds of running into him were slim.

but your anxiety preferred zero odds rather than a slight chance, and it made the logic that was once screaming at you sound like a small whisper.

you sucked it up anyway, though. seeing emma and the other bridesmaids was better than staying in your room and staring at the ceiling.

you:

i’ll be there! can’t wait!!!

and maybe you used too many exclamation points. maybe you were trying too hard to prove something no one would believe if they took longer than a split second glance at your face. you were a horrible liar, that hadn’t changed. you were just hoping by the time the weekend came around, you’d be too busy to focus on any of the pain.

before

the summer after keith retired, the tkachuks took you and your family on vacation with them to turks and caicos. your parents were stressed initially about the trip, but you were filled with nothing but excitement at leaving the landlocked state you called home.

missouri had slowly wormed its way into your heart. when your family moved, there was never a thought in your mind that you would ever come to love it like you did with cedar rapids. there was no way you’d ever consider this place your home. but then you met the tkachuks.

it’d been nearly three years since you’d first sat in that seat next to your best friend in mr. terry’s fourth grade class. now, you were splashing around in the waves with matt and brady while your parents looked from the shore.

school had been different the past two years, with matthew going to an all boys school after fifth grade while you stayed. it took some adjusting to being without him the entire school day. you didn’t want to think of yourself as codependent, or clingy, but mat was your best friend. it was an adjustment, having to make new friends in the same school.

now that wasn’t to say that you never saw matt. after your initial introductions, chantal offered to take you to and from school if your mom or dad dropped you off at their house in the morning. both of your parents jumped at the idea. your mother, who worked as a night shift ICU nurse, reveled in being able to go home and go straight to sleep. your father, whose job as an electrician required him to be on job sites early in the morning, didn’t mind it either, he had to be up early anyway.

and sure, you had to wake up earlier than you used to, but you got to eat breakfast and pretend like you were a tkachuk most days of the week (with the exception of the days your mom was off). keith would ruffle your hair as he passed you in the kitchen. taryn would race matthew for the seat next to yours.

the tkachuks felt more like your family than your own some days.

especially now when your parents went on a date that keith and chantal paid for while they stayed back at the beach house with you and their children. 

all six of you were seated around the coffee table with the game of life laid out in front of you. the evening started out with a game of uno, but that game got out of hand quickly. it took brady reversing the order and hitting matt with a draw four before your best friend lunged over the table to tackle his brother. while keith broke up the boys, chantal cleaned up uno and instructed you and taryn to pick out the least competitive game you could find.

which is how you ended up playing the game of life.

even though life had to be the least competitive game you knew, matt and brady still managed to argue over it, even going as far to rant about how unfair it was that they had to pay for home insurance. keith and chantal had just chuckled and told them to enjoy childhood while it lasted.

you found yourself smiling and laughing along.

you weren’t quite sure who won, or how anyone ever really wins the game of life, but the moment mattered more. taryn went upstairs with keith to get ready for bed while brady helped his mom in the kitchen pop a bag of popcorn. you and matthew were responsible for cleaning up the game.

“are you having fun?” he asked.

your smile was so wide, it hurt your cheeks. “i’m having the best time. this is by far the best vacation i’ve been on.”

“really?” he smiled.

you nodded emphatically. “most of my family vacations have been spent with my grandparents.”

matt grimaced, already aware of the testy relationship your mom had with her own parents. “when’s the last time you saw them?”

you had to think for a moment, while your grandparents technically lived in st. louis, they were often out of town or ignoring your family’s existence altogether. with the exception of the last saturday of every month, when you and your parents were practically obligated to eat dinner with them. you didn’t notice their judgmental comments when you were younger and mesmerized by the giant dollhouse they bought for you.

but you were older now. you knew that there were terms and conditions attached to the cellphone they bought for you on your twelfth birthday. you heard the disdain in their voices when they talked down to your father and mother for their life choices. you weren’t an idiot, you understood that every compliment they gave you was a way for them to make your parents feel inferior in comparison.

you weren’t a child to them, you were a pawn in a game you never asked to play.

“we saw them about a month ago?” you shrugged. “they’re on vacation until halfway through august.”

matt hummed. “i think we’re gonna visit mom’s parents before school starts back again.”

to your credit, you did your best to look happy for him, even if it meant that you wouldn’t see him for a week and a half. you had other friends in town! in fact, you befriended a girl named simone when you started middle school. maybe you could call her when you get back to st. louis?

evidently, your little act wasn’t convincing enough. matt nudged your shoulder with his. “you’ll be fine,” he said. “you’re probably annoyed from how much time we’ve spent together this summer. you need a break.”

you couldn’t help but smile. “i could never get tired of you, matty.”

he blinked, almost at a loss for words, it felt like. but you should’ve known better, because he was holding up his pinky a beat later. “you promise?”

you locked your fingers together. “promise.”

after

it’s just emma and her friends and taryn, you thought. you already know all of these people. there’s no reason to be stressed out.

which, to be fair, your inner monologue was right. you had absolutely no reason to be standing in front of your closet debating what to wear for as long as you had. 

before you could stop yourself, you were hitting emma’s contact and putting your phone on speaker. the dial tone rang out through the room while you waited for her to pick up. you were seconds away from ending the call when her phone sounded through the receiver.

“hey! what’s up?”

you exhaled. “i don’t know what to wear tonight.”

emma said your name through a laugh. “we’re not going anywhere fancy, i swear. it’s just dinner and then we’re going to a bar.”

you frowned. “so taryn’s not joining us after dinner?”

“no, she has other plans after dinner anyway. she said she was meeting up with some friends from high school.” as if she could see the hesitance on your face, emma spoke up again. “but you know all the other girls, it’s not like you’ll be hanging out with strangers.”

and she was right, you were in a groupchat with the other bridesmaids and found all of them to be quite pleasant.

“look, if you’re still stressed about what to wear, just wear jeans.”

“okay, but how nice is this restaurant?” you were rummaging through your closet. “because i’ve worn jeans to restaurants that weren’t supposed to be fancy and i found myself criminally underdressed.”

“yeah well, i’m better at communicating than matt is.” a gasp sounded through the receiver, like emma had just realized what she said. “oh my god, i’m so sorry—”

“it’s fine, you’re not wrong,” you said, forcing out a laugh even as your heart painfully squeezed in your chest.

“i really didn’t mean to,” she sighed. “i’m sorry, that was rude of me to bring up.”

you shook your head even though she couldn’t see you. “it’s fine, emma, i swear,” you said even though there were tears pricking in your eyes. “i’ll have to face the music eventually.”

“still, it was insensitive of me to say that.”

you cleared your throat. “don’t worry about it, i’m a big girl.” you pulled the phone away from your face so you could sniffle for a second without drawing any unnecessary attention. “so jean shorts tonight?” you asked.

there was a brief silence before you heard emma’s soft sigh over the phone. “that sounds perfect.”

before

matthew kissed you for the first time when you were hanging out with mutual friends after school in eighth grade. you’d been dreaming about that moment for years ever since sixth grade when you realized matt was handsome and the flutters in your stomach weren’t just from nerves anymore.

both of you were at your friend morgan’s house sitting in her basement. she happened to live in the same neighborhood as matt. so after school, you rode home with the tkachuks like you always did and then walked to her house.

morgan was the first of your friends to get a boyfriend and she wasn’t shy about telling everyone. it was easy to be jealous of her. while you hadn’t known her as long, your other friends had made it clear she’d garnered male attention since preschool. so there was no surprise that she’d announced at school earlier that week that she was dating someone from matt’s school.

hence the party in the basement.

morgan was the one who suggested truth or dare. she had all ten of you circle up on the carpet and sit criss crossed. you were keenly aware of how matt’s knee was touching your own, you could feel the heat even through your jeans. he was leaning back on his hands, with his right hand directly behind your back,in your delusions, you let yourself pretend he was doing it to be closer to you.

“alright!” morgan cheered. “who wants to start?”

no one said a word.

you made the mistake of looking around when you caught morgan’s eye. at the sight of a growing smirk on her lips, you quickly diverted your gaze.

“c'mon, no one wants to go first?” she hummed. “fine, i’ll go. babe,” she started calling thomas babe a week ago. “ask me, truth or dare?”

the only word you could use to describe the look on thomas’ face was besotted. without hesitating, he asked her the question, smiling when she grinned back at him. morgan chose dare, because she wasn’t “boring and lame.”

thomas dared her to kiss him. there was a collective groan when she leaned over and kissed her boyfriend. the second she pulled back, morgan’s eyes flitted over the rest of the group, looking like a tiger about to pounce. the two of you made eye contact and the corner of her lips raised in a smirk that was gone as quick as it came.

you prepared yourself for the worst, recalling how you let it slip that you have a crush on matt. and morgan, while she wasn’t intentionally cruel, had all but shrieked when you told her. so you didn’t think she’d out you to be mean, you wouldn’t put it past her to attempt matchmaking.

but her eyes skipped right over you and focused on simone. “truth or dare?”

“truth,” simone replied.

morgan rolled her eyes. “nerd,” but she cracked a smile anyway.

the game went on pretty effortlessly, you even got brave enough to do a dare (thankfully morgan never got the opportunity to ask you). it ended with morgan asking matthew. the smirk she had earlier, appeared as she made eye contact with you before setting her sights on your best friend.

“truth or dare?” she asked.

you immediately knew which option he was picking, matt never backed down from a challenge and had been choosing dare all night.

“matthew, i dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.”

your stomach dropped as did your gaze. you couldn’t look anyone in the eye, you didn’t want to see matt kiss another girl, you couldn’t. you wouldn’t do it.

a moment passed when you realized matt hadn’t moved an inch. he was still leaning on his hands, with one stretched behind you. all it took was a quick glance at matt to see him already staring back at you.

“no,” he said, eyes still locked on your face.

morgan blinked. “what?”

it was only then that his eyes left your face to look morgan dead in the eye. “nope. i won’t do it.”

she guffawed. “but you have to!”

matt shrugged. “i don’t want to.”

“but you lose if you don’t!”

he shrugged yet again. “oh well.”

your head snapped up to look at him in confusion. “matt,” you nudged him.

“we gotta go anyway,” he said, before he stood up and reached out to you. you took his hand, albeit hesitantly before he dragged you up the stairs and out of the house onto the street.

a cool breeze was blowing which inadvertently caused you to shiver. matt, who still hadn’t let go of your hand, tugged you further into his side. your heart sank when he dropped your hand, only for it to skyrocket when he threw his arm around you.

“why didn’t you do the dare?” you asked. the curiosity was killing you, even if you believed the real answer would be even worse than not knowing.

matt shrugged like he had been all night. “i didn’t feel like it.”

you blinked at him, staring at his profile while he guided the two of you back to his house. “you’re literally the most competitive person i know. you’ve never intentionally lost a game. last week brady dared you to drink that gallon of milk and run a mile, which, if i must remind you, you threw up not even halfway through.”

matt laughed. “that was funny. but what’s your point?”

“my point is that kissing someone is way less work than running a mile and throwing up. so what’s up?”

he wouldn’t look at you, his gaze fell to the ground where he kicked a rock. “didn’t want it to happen like that.”

you blinked at him, refusing to move your gaze from his profile. “didn’t want what to happen like that? it’s just a kiss.”

he shook his head and stopped walking, grabbing your wrist when you kept moving. matt tugged your arm so you’d turn around and look at him. “it wouldn’t be just a kiss,” he said.

“would it mean more?” you asked, but he didn’t say anything. “matt?” your heart was beating against your chest. your hands shook at the idea of him wanting to kiss someone. you went through the list of people in that room. it wasn’t morgan, he’d told you weeks ago that he didn’t like her like that when you asked. could it be simone? she looked like a goddess on a bad day. her dark skin was flawless and free of blemishes and her faux locs were always perfectly styled. she didn’t even wear makeup on a regular basis.

oh god. did he like simone?

your gut twisted at the idea, of him falling in love with the closest friend you had at school. you could learn to be happy for them, simone was great and matt would adore her if she agreed to go out with him.

you snapped back into it when you felt matt’s thumb rub across your pulse. “matt, would it mean more?”

he shrugged again, still not looking at you, just the part where your hands were joined. “would it be a problem if it did?”

now it was your turn to be confused. “why would my opinion matter? i’m not the one you’d be kissing.”

matt blinked at you once, then twice. “you can’t be serious,” he said.

“what do you mean?”

“you can’t be that blind. there’s no way.”

“matt, what are you talking about?”

he dropped your hand to run both of his over his face and groaned. “there's no way you don’t know.”

“know what?”

matt fixed you with an intense look, one that had you squirming in your shoes a little. in all your years of friendship, you weren’t sure he'd ever stared at you that way before. a hockey game? sure, but you?

“matt what—”

“i like you,” he said as plain as day, like he didn’t just flip your world on its axis.

you blinked, you were pretty sure you stopped breathing. “what?” you whispered.

matt stepped closer to you, close enough that your shoes were touching. “i like you.”

“so why didn’t you kiss me when morgan dared you to?”

“i didn’t want it to happen like that,” he admitted. “didn’t wanna kiss you in front of everybody.”

you could feel the heat travel up your neck and to your cheeks. “and what about now? would you kiss me now?”

“would you let me?”

words failed you, you could only nod. matt hesitated for a moment before pressing his lips to yours. it was clumsy and awkward, and in the middle of the sidewalk two blocks away from his house.

but it was perfect.

after

you ubered to the restaurant before emma could suggest meeting at the tkachuk house. every single one of the bridesmaids knew you and matt were no longer together, all of them banding around you and offering support from thousands of miles away. so you didn’t think any of them would even hint at meeting at the tkachuk residence if they were as considerate as you believed them to be, but you wanted to avoid the sympathetic looks that would be thrown your way.

most of the bridesmaids were there by the time you arrived, the only exception being taryn. the entire table greeted you with bright white smiles, emma stood to give you a hug that you enthusiastically returned.

it felt great to be back in the company of people your age. despite being back in st. louis for quite some time, you still had yet to make any more friends outside of emma and taryn, both of whom you didn’t see that often because of who they were relationally attached to.

unfortunately, you’d lost contact with many of your friends from high school because of the distance. if you could go back, you’d slap yourself in the face for thinking matt was going to stick around longer than simone or morgan.

but how were you to know he would leave and wouldn’t want you to follow him?

you swallowed that question down and took a seat at the table. you sat next to a brunette named stacey, the other seat on your right was left for taryn, you assumed. there were already two bottles of wine sitting in a bucket of ice on the table. part of you considered pouring yourself a glass immediately, but you remembered the plans were dinner first, bar later. so you settled for water.

it was only a matter of maybe ten minutes before taryn was led to your table. you stood up with the rest of the girls and waited your turn to hug her. taryn saved you for last, smiling bright and wide when the two of you finally made eye contact. you squeezed each other tightly as you hugged, unspoken words being communicated.

“now, before anyone looks at the menu, i just wanted to let you know, it’s on brady tonight.” emma held up her hand as mouths began to protest across the table. “he insisted, and we won’t be taking no for an answer.”

and maybe you should’ve protested a little harder to look more sincere, but your job wasn’t paying you well enough to afford a 70 dollar steak and drinks.

the table breaks up into mini conversations while everyone was looking over the menu. you were doing the same when an elbow nudged you from the right. you glanced over at taryn who wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that she wanted your attention, it was something you’d always admired about her.

“long time, no see,” she said. but before you could respond, she spoke up again. “how have you been?”

you shrugged and moved your eyes back to the menu to look busy. “nothing has been going on really, just working.” you cleared your throat and hesitantly made eye contact again. “and you? what have you been up to?”

taryn shifted in her seat, a tell you knew was coming. you weren’t a stranger to where she’d been the past few weeks, you still followed her on instagram, you followed all of the tkachuks on instagram, even matt. so you knew she’d just gotten back after the panthers lost in game five of the finals.

you nudged her with your shoulder and gave her a small smile. “it’s okay, i’m not gonna burst into tears if you mention him.”

taryn smiled. “i’m exhausted, we were traveling everywhere for matt it felt like. it was cutting into my workouts.”

your jaw clenched at the mention of his name, mainly to distract you from feeling the ache in your chest, but you kept a pleasant look on your face anyway. “you still have the rest of the summer for your workouts, though. summer’s barely started.”

taryn nodded but she didn’t say anything for a moment. you started to shift in your seat when she reached a hand out and squeezed your own. “i miss you,” she said sincerely. “it hasn’t been the same without you around.”

“taryn...”

“you know, you’re still in, like, most of our family photos hanging on the wall. mom and dad haven’t taken them down.”

you weren’t sure if that made you happy or brought you pain.

“i begged them not to, you’re in too many memories for us to just forget you.” she cleared her throat and looked back at her menu, giving you a break from the sincere staredown the two of you were having. “they ask about you all the time, but they didn’t want to impose, mom especially. said she’d understand if you never wanted to see them again.”

you tried reading the menu through blurry eyes and pinched your lips together so no one would see them tremble. “i’ve been meaning to get coffee with your mom,” you said, though you both knew it was a lie. you’d made yourself scarce for a reason.

“she’d be happy to see you again, she just didn’t want to overstep.”

you nodded, still not looking at the girl you fully believed would be your sister one day. “i’ll text her.”

the waiter came by moments later to take your orders. thankfully, the tears had cleared up out of your eyes. as soon as you’d cleared your throat, you were telling the server your order without your voice shaking.

you bore the grief well, you thought. you laughed when everyone else did, smiled when appropriate, and asked follow up questions. socializing wasn’t hard, years of galas and charity events as matt’s plus one had trained you well for moments like these, so long as you avoided the eyes of taryn and emma, both of whom knew you better than anyone else at the table.

emma paid with brady’s card like she’d promised earlier. unfortunately for you, that’s when the anxiety started to come back. taryn was leaving after dinner, too young to go to the bars with the rest of you, and according to what emma had told you, she had plans with friends.

the group left together, with taryn waving goodbye as the rest of you headed to a bar three blocks away. your hands were shaking, so you shoved them in your pockets to hide the trembling.

it’d get better once you got a few drinks in you, you told yourself. you’d loosen up soon enough.

emma opened a tab with brady’s card and you immediately started going in. the group started with a round of shots, but you were quickly ordering more than just tequila. it was only a matter of time before your vision started lagging and your brain began buffering to keep up with what was happening.

you were on the dance floor, grinding against a stranger, who thankfully, was keeping their hands to themselves, when emma tugged your arm, giggling. “everyone else has left. and i think it’s time for us to go,” she slurred, a giant smile on her face.

you allowed yourself to be tugged away from the stranger. “how do you know?” you asked, fumbling over your words like trying to catch a bar of soap with wet hands.

emma smiled and pointed at the bar where brady was, you assumed, closing out the tab. seeing him in the flesh had your heart stuttering. the anxiety was kicking back in, hitting harder than it did when you were sober. you hadn’t seen brady since november, or was it december? the months had blurred together just like that one scene from new moon.

but now you were seeing him in the flesh, and he was getting closer as emma tugged you over to where he was. brady was just slipping his card back in his wallet when the two of you got to him. he looked up and smiled at his fianceé before he even realized you were standing there. the lovesick smile dropped but it was quickly replaced with shock before it was transformed into a smile you could’ve painted from memory.

“hey!” he said just loud enough to be heard over the noise. “i didn’t think you were coming tonight.”

if you were sober, you’d see that statement as a warning, preparation for what was to come. you would’ve noticed the way his eyes kept darting to the entrance of the bar, but you didn’t. you were just happy to see him for the first time in a while, feeling the semblance of home you’d been missing for months.

if you were sober, you would’ve remembered that brady and his brother were a package deal. you would’ve known that the nights brady wasn’t spending with emma, he was spending with your ex, and when emma had inevitably texted (or brady offered) her fiancé to pick her up, that he was more than likely already out with his brother celebrating his upcoming nuptials.

if you were sober, you would’ve noticed him walk through the door because your eyes were always drawn to him. you would’ve known it was him by the smell of his cologne, instead of waiting for him to slap his brother on the shoulder in greeting.

if you were sober, you would’ve made a break for it the second he started approaching you, emma, and brady.

but you were drunk off your ass, and all you could do was stand there like a dumbfounded idiot while matthew brendan tkachuk glanced around the room.

brady shifted on his feet a little, bracing for the moment you both knew was coming. the moment where matt saw you for the first time since november 29, when he played calgary. you’d imagine to brady, it felt like watching a car accident happen in real time. to you though, you were the accident. you were the one getting hit by a bus going full speed. you were rooted to the spot, taking in every feature of matt’s face that you’d missed over the last six months, waiting for him to see you.

if you were sober, you would’ve run away by now, knowing that being that close to him would do nothing for you.

but it was too late now.

matt finally glanced at emma, then brady, until his eyes landed on you. the smile on his lips from the song that was bumping through the speakers dropped almost immediately. he recoiled, took a small step back, almost as if he was shocked to see you there at all.

you felt like an idiot.

you weren’t sure how long the two of you stared at each other before you took a deep breath and stared at your shoes.

your hands were shaking again.

you shoved them in your pockets again.

matt’s eyes darted to your shorts at the movement, his eyes scrunched together in what looked like concern, but you brushed that thought off before you could convince yourself he still cared. but you could feel his stare on you, even as you looked around and avoided eye contact. you felt like an ant, with matt’s gaze being the magnifying glass that was burning you with a beam of sunlight.

“do you have a ride home?” brady asked. your head whipped back around to look at him and emma.

you shrugged, already feeling more sober than you were two minutes ago. “was gonna uber.”

matt scoffed. “not happening.”

out of nowhere anger bubbled out of your chest and out of your mouth. “excuse me?”

matt fixed you with a hard stare, one you didn’t shy away from. “you’re not ubering home on a friday night drunk as hell. it’s not happening.”

“i think you lost the right to make my decisions six months ago.” you refused to say his name, refused to know what it felt like to have it back on your tongue even though your heart was crying out to utter those two syllables again.

brady interjected before the disagreement could escalate. “i just wanna make sure you get home safe,” he said. “can i drive you home?”

you glanced at the man you used to know like a little brother. you saw the sincerity in his eyes, the concern.

and maybe it was the love for brady and emma that had you accepting. or maybe it was the alcohol. you nodded your head and let emma lock arms with you as you were led out by the tkachuk brothers.

you found yourself in the backseat where you used to hold hands with matt when you went on double dates with brady and emma. the two of you used to tease the younger couple when they did literally anything romantic. if brady so much as grabbed emma’s hand, the two of you were gagging in the backseat “choking on their pda” all while knowing brady and emma have caught you in more compromising positions before.

but it wasn’t like that this time around.

you slid into your usual seat in the back before emma could offer up shotgun to you. maybe if you were more selfish, you’d accept, but you weren’t going to let your friend sit away from her fiancé when you could just suck it up.

the space between you and matt felt too suffocatingly small and yet it still felt like you were on two opposite sides of the globe. you thought about taking a risk and throwing yourself out of the moving vehicle, but there was still a wedding you were both in. you needed to figure out how to tolerate being around him if you didn’t want to cause a scene later in the summer.

you just had to make it to the end of july, then you could go back and pretend like december 16th never happened, like the past nine years of your life never happened. like you never fell in love with your best friend, like you never met him and his mother in fourth grade, like your parents never moved you to st. louis. like there weren’t traces of your failed relationship in every scrapbook in your parents’ house, like he wasn’t tied to every significant moment of your childhood.

you felt like the bundle of christmas lights that you’d sworn you put back in an orderly fashion the previous year, only to pull them out and realize you had an entire project on your hands to detangle them all.

except in the end, none of the lights worked anyway.

you could hardly remember a time where your life wasn’t deeply intertwined with matthew’s. you thought it’d lead to something, to marriage, to raising kids together, to celebrating his retirement, buying a home close to his family, and growing fat and old together.

you hated the idea that you went down that road only for it to be a dead end.

brady pulled up outside your house. you were unbuckling your seat belt and throwing the door open before he’d even put the car in park. you were doing your best to get to the front porch before anything else happened, but as hard as you tried, you were still a little too drunk. you were stumbling up the driveway and to the front door, all the while trying to figure out which key was the key to your house.

a car door slammed in the distance before footsteps followed.

you knew the sound like you knew the sound of your mother’s sadness. you would’ve recognized his footfalls anywhere.

in your haste and anxiety, you dropped your keys. you squatted down and nearly tipped over at the rush to your head. matt’s hand shot out before you could grab the keys while his other hand grabbed your elbow and pulled you into a standing position. he led you to the front door and with ease, found your house key. he unlocked the door but didn’t move to open it. you could feel his stare on the side of your face, but you refused to look back.

his touch on your skin felt like it was burning, and part of you wanted to rip your arm out of his grasp, but you couldn’t.

you just—

couldn't.

matt said your name quietly, but you just shook your head, willing the tears to go away. he didn’t get to see you cry, didn’t get to know that his actions had absolutely wrecked you. he tried again, but you inhaled and jerked your arm out of his reach before you opened your front door, grabbed your keys, and shut it in his face.

you barely made it into your bathroom before you threw up.

before

you were bouncing on your toes at the airport. matt’s plane landed fifteen minutes ago, and you were anxiously waiting for him to round the corner.

matt’s first year with the ntdp made your relationship a little difficult, though, you thought it would be harder than it was. modern technology definitely made it easier on you. matt would call you just about every other night, and if he couldn’t, matt was texting you whenever he had the freetime.

the last time you saw each other was when you and the tkachuks spent your spring break in ann arbor to visit, and that had been over a month ago. thankfully, you’d managed to convince your mom to let you check out of school early to wait for him.

“someone’s excited,” taryn teased, bumping her shoulder into your side. 

“honey leave her alone,” chantal chided. “we’re all excited.”

“i’m not,” brady grumbled. not even a beat later, keith was slapping the back of his head.

moments later, matt walked around the corner with his bags in hand. you fought every urge to run to him, deciding he probably wanted to greet his family first. and he did, you watched as he hugged his mom and dad first, moving the taryn, before punching brady in the shoulder.

you were nervously playing with the hem of your school issued plaid skirt as you looked on, suddenly feeling out of place. but it didn’t linger because in a blink of an eye, matt’s arms were wrapping around your waist and tugging you into his chest.

a sigh escaped your lips, one you didn’t even know was held hostage in your chest. maybe you were being dramatic (you were almost 16, after all), but it felt like the part of you that was missing was just returned.

“missed you,” he mumbled into your neck.

you couldn’t help the smile that graced your lips.

matt didn’t let go of you, even when everyone started walking towards the car where keith parked. your hand was tightly grasped in his own, forcing brady to carry the other bag matt couldn’t. to make up for it, you offered to sit in the back of keith’s escalade so brady could have more leg room. matt ended up grumbling about it, but it was clear he wasn’t going to let you sit in the back next to taryn when he hadn’t seen you in weeks.

“i ruined my perfect attendance streak for you,” you said as you traced the veins of his hands.

matt smirked. “i messed up little miss perfect’s squeaky clean record? how will you ever get into college now?”

you ripped your hand from his and shoved his shoulder, barely restraining yourself from cussing him out. “shut up,” was what you settled for because while taryn and brady had most definitely heard their fair share of curse words, you didn’t want to be the one on the receiving end of chantal’s disapproving look, even if it meant keith would be fighting for his life to hold back laughter.

all four of you, keith and chantal excluded, all but scrambled out of the car when it pulled into the garage. you and matt grabbed both of his bags before bum rushing into the house and up the stairs to his room.

“leave the door open!” chantal called from the first floor.

you didn’t need to see his face to know matt was rolling his eyes.

“i’m tempted to ignore her and just slam and lock the door,” he grumbled.

you dropped the bag you were holding and guffawed. “you wouldn’t. you love your mom.”

matt dropped his bag and immediately took the opportunity to grab you by the waist. “and i love you.”

you almost giggled, but you didn’t want to make a fool of yourself so you beamed instead. the first time he said those words was a few months ago over facetime and it still made you giddy as it did then.

matt pressed his forehead against yours. “you’re not gonna say it back?” he asked.

you blinked, still smiling. “what?”

“you're not gonna say you love me back?”

you shrugged, knowing it would get under his skin. you knew the consequences. “hm,” you hummed. “do i need to?”

matt rolled his eyes so hard you thought they might’ve gotten stuck in the back of his head. “quit being smart.”

and maybe you should’ve given up, maybe you should’ve let it go and say those three little words you’d said countless times before. but teasing him was way too much fun to pass up when you hadn’t seen him in months. so you pursed your lips and hummed again. “i seem to recall you saying you liked how smart i am. something about being the beauty and the brains?”

and out of nowhere, taryn popped her head in. “well matt for sure wasn’t going to be the beauty, and he’s never been the brains,” she smirked.

matt let go of you and marched over to the door, all but slamming it in her face.

“matthew brendan tkachuk! that door better be open!” chantal’s voice carried up the stairs had you lunging across the room and whipping open the door in a hurry.

“sorry mrs. tkachuk!” you called out before turning around and glaring at your boyfriend. “you’re a menace.”

matthew smirked and pulled you close enough that you were chest to chest. “but you love me.”

“i love you so much.”

after

the hangover you had the next morning was probably the worst you ever remember having. well, until you remembered the night matt broke up with you, that was the worst one.

you turned over in bed, picked up your phone, and saw multiple texts from emma and brady alike, both ranging from “it was great to see you” to “i’m so sorry about last night.” you groaned and dropped your phone back on the nightstand.

last night, when you thought about it, hurt more than it should’ve. you saw him for the first time in the flesh and it looked like he was fine, like he didn’t completely upend your life six months ago when he ended things. part of you wondered if he could see through you, through the illusion of your happiness and to the core where you were just as fractured as you were december 17th. 

the rest of the weekend continued with you doing little to nothing but eating and binging trashy reality tv shows. when your alarm went off on monday morning, you contemplated calling off, but got dressed instead.

“you look like hell,” was the first thing frankie, your mentor and boss, said to you. because of the nature of your relationship, you felt comfortable flipping him off, even as he passed you a cup of coffee. “rough night?” he asked after watching you take a hefty sip of the hot beverage.

“rough weekend,” you grumbled.

frankie gave you a small smile and patted you on the back as the two of you walked to the workspace. “wanna talk about it?”

you recognized performative kindness when you saw it. while you firmly believed frankie cared about you and your wellbeing, you also knew he didn’t want to hear the sob story of how you ran into your ex drunk at a bar, at least, not at 8am. so you shook your head.

“i looked at some of your work on the bradshaw family’s piece so far, and i was impressed. i do have some notes, but for the most part, you’ve been doing a great job.”

you did your best to smile gratefully, but you weren’t sure it translated. “i really appreciate your guidance on this, and the trust you have to let me work on some of these projects.”

“you’re very talented,” he said. “you ever thought about creating something for yourself or someone else?”

there wasn’t a word to describe the noise that came out of your mouth. was it a nervous laugh? a squeak maybe? you didn’t know, and neither did frankie.

“what?” he asked. “why is that so scary?”

you shrugged as the two of you made it to the workspace. normally, you would start by pulling out the supplies you needed to begin working on the bradshaw piece, but if frankie met you at the door, it was because he wanted to have an impromptu meeting first.

“i feel like i’m good at fixing things,” you said. “maybe not creating something from thin air.”

“you have so much talent,” frankie replied. “i hate to see it wasted on fixing and preserving someone else’s work when you could be doing both. it could be your art that people hang in their houses and pay thousands of dollars to preserve.”

you nodded, but kept your eyes on the table, studying the wood grain and tracing the pattern with your finger.

“i don’t think i’m capable of that anymore.”

frankie reached over and squeezed your shoulder. “just think on it, okay? couldn’t hurt to just think on it.” he walked out a moment later, giving you space and time to queue up music and get started on the day.

you opened spotify and pressed the play button on your liked songs without even thinking about it. not even two seconds later, you regretted your decision. the soft tones and beats of frank ocean’s thinkin bout you echoed through the room and slammed against your chest. you immediately switched the song and found a classical playlist to listen to instead.

but the tune wouldn’t get out of your head.

not two minutes later.

not thirty minutes later.

not after your full eight hour shift spent hunched over your workstation.

not even on the drive home.

frank ocean’s voice permeated every fiber of your being.

it was simone who first showed you the song in high school. you remembered liking the melody enough, but you didn’t get the lyrics. and why would you? you were in love with your best friend who loved you back. even though you were fourteen and too young to even think about marriage, you knew matthew was going to be the person you ended up with. it was him or no one.

and now it was no one.

now, you listened to the song play over and over in your head, the lyrics resonating with you deeper than ever before.

you pulled into your driveway, completely unaware of what cars were parked in the street. they’d never mattered to you before. why would they now?

you sat in your car for a few minutes, taking a deep breath while you worked up the courage to go inside. when you finally got a grip on your emotions, you opened your door and grabbed your bag. you were too busy fumbling with your keys to notice anything amiss until you were on your porch and a pair of shoes came into sight.

“hey.”

it took everything in you not to scream. you dropped your keys and nearly dropped your bag. matthew stood on your front porch with his hands in the pockets in his shorts like he was innocent of any pain or suffering he’d caused you. he was in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and you hated yourself a little bit for thinking he’s attractive like that.

“what’re you doing here?” you hated how hoarse your voice sounded, like a low quality audio recording where things sounded muffled and broken.

“your dad wouldn’t let me in.”

“good.”

matt sighed and ran a hand down his face. “can we not do this?”

“not do what?” you asked. “not act like you ended things for no damn reason?”

“if you—”

“we dated for nearly ten years and you decided to end it over a five minute phone call. and you still think you’re entitled to my time?” and maybe you should’ve been kinder, maybe you should’ve been more civil. but you hadn’t seen or heard from him in months (until a few nights ago) and he just turned up out of the blue? expecting you to do what? forgive him? move on?

matthew said your name delicately, but not in the way he used to, like saying your name was a luxury he was honored to have. no, he said it like you were going to break, like you were fragile, like he wasn’t the sole cause of your pain. “please—”

the anger was draining out of you quicker. you were exhausted between work, and frank ocean’s stupid song, and the other night. 

“what do you want?” your voice cracked on the last word. “wanna ruin my life a little bit more? put the final nail in the coffin?”

“no,” he shook his head fervently. matthew took a step towards you and looked something close to devastated when you stepped back. but it didn’t make sense, he ended it, he had no right to look or feel that way. “i just wanna talk.”

“six months,” you said, doing your best to keep your voice clear. “you had six months to say something. what could you possibly have to say now that you couldn’t then?”

“i know we didn’t end on the best of terms—” he started, but it was cut off by your scoff. you turned your head away and used your palm to wipe at your eyes before you crossed your arms over your chest. “—but i don’t think we should let this ruin brady and emma’s summer. we’re gonna see a lot of each other and i don’t want things to be tense around them.”

you took a minute to really look at him. blonde frizzy curls, blue eyes that wouldn’t leave your face. he hadn’t changed one bit.

one summer, you’d attempted to count the number of freckles on his shoulders. you got up to 87 before you gave up.

and yet you felt like you were standing in front of a stranger.

there were so many things you wanted to say, so many things you’d dreamt of screaming at him, but now that he was here, in front of you, asking something of you, you felt drained, tired. you used to crave his presence, now it felt like a leech.

you loved him, but he was sucking the life out of you.

so you nodded. you nodded and said “okay,” before you walked inside your front door and left your heart on the porch.

you pressed your back against the door and slid to the ground, pulling your knees to your chest. there was no telling when you started crying, or when your dad joined you on the floor, hugging you as close to his chest as he could.

“why wasn’t i enough?” you sobbed into your knees.

your dad petted your hair before he pressed a kiss there. “you’re more than enough, honey. but you can’t make anyone love you if they’re not willing to.”

“he used to!” you wailed. “he used to love me!” then, in a smaller voice, “what changed?”

a beat of silence, then your father’s somber, quiet voice. “maybe he did.”

before

“so what are your plans for after high school?” ms. meyer, your high school guidance counselor sat across from you at her desk. her stare was kind, but unwavering.

you’d already applied to notre dame, knowing that’s where matt committed. so when you answered, it was confident. it had been your plan since matt said yes to the school. “i’m going to notre dame and majoring in art history.”

“do you have any back up schools?”

you nodded. “ucla and the art institute of chicago.”

ms. meyer pursed her lips. “you know all of those places are highly competitive, right?”

“my transcripts and resume are impressive and I did really well on the SAT and ACT. i think i’ll be able to get in.” and you were, you were pretty confident as they come when it came to academics. any school would’ve been lucky to have you, that much you believed.

ms. meyer nodded. “i understand ucla and the art institute, both of those schools have incredible arts programs, but why notre dame? it doesn’t seem to fit with your aspirations.”

“oh,” you laughed under your breath. “that’s where my boyfriend is going.”

your guidance counselor blinked. “you’re incredibly smart and gifted, i’d hate to see that talent wasted when you could be developing it elsewhere. what do you want?”

“i want to be with matthew.”

ms. meyer sighed and gave you a sympathetic smile, you weren’t sure why though. you’d never been more sure of anything. “honey, can i be honest with you?” she didn’t wait for your response. “you have so much talent, so much to offer, i’ve seen many girls come in here, putting off aspirations for their significant others only for that relationship not to last.”

“i know we’re young,” you started, already feeling the heat rise up in your chest. she didn’t know anything about you personally, she didn’t know about you and matt. “but we’re gonna make it, i swear.”

ms. meyer nodded. “of course you are.” she cleared her throat and adjusted the papers in front of her. “so, notre dame...”

after

you weren't exactly sure what compelled you to do it, but at dinner a few nights ago, your mom had asked about what happened to simone, your friend from middle and high school. so you reached out, though it made you feel like you were contacting someone to join your mlm.

it legitimately surprised you when simone replied to your facebook message. the two of you made plans to get coffee on saturday.

and now it was saturday.

you weren’t getting coffee until 9:30, but you were awake and staring at your ceiling at 7. you’d done the due diligence of stalking simone’s profile, so you knew she was married with two kids who looked just like her. she worked as a data analyst for kroger and her husband was a public defender. she met her husband in college and they got married shortly after they graduated from grad and law school respectively. 

if you were a better woman, you’d admit you were jealous. jealous that she got what she wanted in the end. but when you put that aside, you still felt overwhelming happiness at her station in life, regardless of how yours turned out.

you kept scrolling through her social media until it was eventually time for you to get up. you stayed to facebook, not even wanting to bother with going on instagram and accidentally stumbling across one of the tkachuks’ posts.

it was 9:10 when you finally finished getting dressed and ready. you came down the stairs and threw a goodbye over your shoulder before grabbing your crossbody bag and your keys and running out the door.

despite your sprinting and nearly running red lights, you were still five minutes late. you came into the coffee shop, gasping for air after sprinting down the sidewalk from your parking spot.

the second you entered the business, simone’s hand lifted and she smiled brightly, calling you over almost immediately. she stood to greet you, and like no time had passed, pulled you in for a hug.

“it’s so good to see you,” she said. “wasn’t sure if you still liked an iced chai latte, but i got one for you.”

“oh my god, yes,” you gasped before taking a seat and taking a sip of the beverage.

she kept smiling, which made you feel lighthearted for once. most people kept looking at you with pitying eyes, but simone saw you for more than the grief of the last six months. she had to know about it, she just had to, but you thanked her for not bringing it up in the first minute of your conversation.

“how’s work going?”

you shrugged. “it’s mostly tedious, but it’s been fine. what about you? working for kroger? that’s a huge deal.”

simone shook her head. “it’s just a means to an end, a way i can pay for my family’s lifestyle.”

“but are you passionate about what you do?”

she shrugged lightly. “it’s a job, it’s not my life. not everyone is going to work a job that fulfills them. my husband? he loves being a public defender, and he’s good at it. me though, as fun as analyzing data all day sounds and as helpful as it is, getting to have a job that doesn’t come home with me is probably my favorite part of it.”

you nodded along like you understood. and maybe you didn’t do a good enough job at being convincing because simone sighed.

“i wanted to wait to ask this, but i can’t hold it in any longer. how’re you holding up?”

it took you several seconds to answer her question. your mouth open and closed multiple times. “i— i don't know.” you sank back into your seat and picked at your cuticles. “it’s been a shitty few months,” you admitted. “you’d think i’d be over it by now.

simone shook her head and leaned in, arms braced on the table. “you two were together for a decade, what’s a few months in comparison to that?”

you shrugged. “i saw him the other night, when i went out drinking with the other bridesmaids. it was like, i don't know, i got dunked in an ice bath or something. he looked completely unaffected and i couldn’t breathe.”

simone whispered your name.

“but i’m fine!” you asserted. “i’m trying to be.”

simone nodded. “so what do you do now?”

you could’ve kissed her feet for the change in topic. “i’m working in the art restoration and conservation field.”

simone blinked. “you’re restoring art? do you like it?”

you shrugged. “most days, it can get repetitive, but that’s what i like.”

your friend sighed and fixed you with a soft, sympathetic look. “but is that what you want to do for the rest of your life? restoring someone else’s art? doing something repetitive? you are so talented, i hate to see you wasting that talent restoring someone else’s work.”

“it’s not a waste! it’s incredibly difficult and some things deserve to be preserved.”

“but some new things deserve to be created.” simone leaned in closer, her forearms braced on the table. “i think it would do you some good to start creating something again, even if it’s shitty. and you think you aren’t ready, just try something new. a new bar, a new hobby, a new man, something new.”

your stomach twisted at the thought of going on a date with someone other than matt, but simone was right. it had been six months and he seemed to be doing fine, it was your turn to start moving on, to find yourself again.

so you nodded. “we should do this more often,” you said. “i’ve missed you.”

simone smiled. “i’ve missed you too, i’m glad you’re home.”

you talked for another hour about everything the two of you had missed over the years of you being elsewhere before she had to leave and relieve the nanny at home. simone hugged you goodbye and texted you her new number before she left the coffee shop. 

the drive home was quiet because you were pondering the things she’d said. you weren’t sure you were ready for making your own art, you sure as hell weren’t ready to go on a date. but maybe you should try.

maybe you were ready to put yourself first for once.

before

the biggest argument you’d had with matt was after you found out he wasn’t playing at notre dame at all, he was going to play for calgary.

you felt so stupid for committing to that school when you should’ve known your boyfriend was talented enough to skip it altogether. maybe you should’ve taken a gap year, then you wouldn’t have to be doing even more long distance in two different countries.

the two of you never argued, or maybe never was too strong of a word. you hardly ever had a disagreement if you thought about it long enough. most of the time, you suppressed the disappointment and the anger, shoving it to the side because you were surely being dramatic.

but now you were standing off to the side, waiting for your name to be called to cross the stage at your high school graduation, and you wished you’d said something to convince matthew to delay settling into his new calgary apartment with one of his teammates.

but you swallowed your disappointment and pride and just dealt with the fact that he wouldn’t be there.

it was fine.

just high school.

you were snapped out of your reverie when your name was called. you smiled and walked across the stage. when you dreamt of this exact moment, you always thought you’d walk with grace, that all noise would cease to exist as you honed in on the sheet of paper you’d spent the last 13 years working towards.

but it wasn’t like that.

because you heard one specific voice above all the others. as your principal handed you the diploma, your eyes searched the crowd and saw him.

matthew standing up and yelling with his family next to him. he had a sign, the words you couldn’t read because there were tears forming in your water line. he was pointing at you and kept yelling and clapping, hooting and hollering like it was his full time job. your parents were smiling, though they were seated, and your grandparents were stone faced clapping like they were at the masters tournament.

so you kept your eyes on him, even as you walked back to your seat. you might have stumbled, tripped even, but all you could see, all you could feel was him.

you were back in your seat by the time the person calling out the names spoke again.

“please hold your applause until the end.”

you could hear his scoff, even from your seat.

your leg bounced for the rest of the graduation ceremony. you didn’t even register the turning of your tassel. you just couldn’t wait for it to be over so you could be in matt’s arms.

as soon as the ceremony concluded, matt was shoving his way past families, nearly taking out an elderly gentleman in his quest to get to you. on the other hand, you were being pushed to move farther away from him as the procession of students filed out of the gym. you kept looking over your shoulder to find him, but it looked like brady had caught up to him, wrangling his older brother to follow the crowds outside.

“outside!” brady pointed.

you nodded.

as soon as you got through the gym doors, you were booking it outside into the sunlight. it blinded you momentarily, but you whipped your phone out seconds later to see if matt had texted you where he’d be. you pulled up his contact and were seconds away from calling him when arms wrapped around your waist and lifted you up into the air.

a squeal left your lips until he set you down a moment later. you spun around in his arms and before you could say anything, matthew was kissing you like no one else was around.

when the two of you finally needed air, you pulled away. “i thought you were in calgary!”

matthew scoffed though there was a large smile on his lips. “you thought i’d miss my favorite girl’s graduation? calgary can wait, your high school graduation only happens once.”

“i’m glad you’re here,” you whispered. 

“me too, baby.”

unfortunately, matt pulled away so you could hug your parents and even your grandparents who were standing off to the side. taryn and brady pulled you into a group hug afterwards, with taryn going on a tangent about all the fun things the two of you would have to do before you left for school.

but brady was taking your graduation cap off your head to ruffle your hair as matt grabbed your purse and took your car keys out. keith and chantal were offering to pay for a celebratory lunch while your grandparents gave an irish goodbye. your parents were smiling, you were tucked into matt’s side, and brady and taryn were bickering and—

everything was perfect.

you wanted to freeze that moment, that sensation in your chest, take the saccharine feeling and bottle it up and store it on your bookshelf. 

and if you could’ve, you would’ve savored the sensation of matt’s lips pressed to your temple while both of your dads discussed the best route to get to the restaurant.

but you had no idea how the future would turn out.

you thought matt was forever.

after

you were on a double date, or at least, hyping yourself up to go into the bar and meet up with simone, her husband, and a friend of theirs. you didn’t want to be a bitch, but you also didn’t want to send yourself into a panic attack. simone had suggested just entertaining something with someone, didn’t even have to be serious, it could just be sex.

you could do that, right?

just casual sex?

the thought was nauseating. you’d only slept with matthew, no one knew your body like he did and—

you stopped yourself before you could go down that rabbit hole.

your hands shook as you stepped out of your car and locked it. maybe you should’ve gotten an uber, but then again, you weren’t really planning on drinking like that. you were hoping you’d still be sober enough to go home.

the music in the bar shockingly wasn’t as loud as you expected. it wasn’t the bass bumping, ass grinding bar like the ones matt used to take you to after games. even still, your palms started sweating as you looked around. you spotted simone’s natural hair across the room and made your way towards her. 

her husband, stephen, stood to greet you first, followed by simone, then lastly your date. a guy named andrew who was a partner at his firm, the youngest on his team.

his handshake was firm, but there were no calluses on his palm. his hair was slicked back with what you guessed was a pomade.

he was so unlike matthew it was alarming.

but maybe it was for the best.

you smiled and took your seat next to simone, you sipped on the water in front of you.

“we didn’t want to order drinks without you just yet.”

“thank you,” you mumbled just loud enough for everyone to hear.

“it’s nice to finally meet you,” andrew started. “simone spoke highly of you. she said you’ve been friends since middle school.”

you felt bad because simone didn’t really say much to you about him. if you were a gambler, you’d assume it was because she didn’t want you to back out. you barely even knew him and you were already comparing him to matt.

which wasn’t fair, you knew that. andrew deserved to be a human without the baggage of your last and only relationship determining how you viewed him.

you would try, at the very least for simone. at the very most, you’d try for yourself.

“nice to meet you too. i heard you’re a partner at your law firm? how is that going?”

oh god. you were so bad at this. asking about work on a friday night?

but he smiled. his teeth were perfectly straight and white. you'd bet your last dollar that he'd never needed braces, not like you did.

you hated yourself for thinking of the gap between matthew’s teeth.

“it’s going well,” he said. “lot of work, but i managed to get enough done this week that my friday was free. i wanted to meet the ‘best artist on planet earth,’ according to simone.”

“oh i don’t know about that,” you flushed.

simone scoffed. “don’t downplay yourself.” she turned to look at andrew. “you should see the art she created in high school as a teenager. it was so impressive.”

“what medium do you like working with the most?” he asked.

“mostly acrylic.”

andrew’s eyes lit up. “do you have any photos of your art? i’d love to see your work.”

you shook your head, feeling a little embarrassed at all the attention. “i don’t really paint like that anymore. i work in art conservation now, not a whole lot of time to create something new.”

“that’s such a unique career! what does your average day look like?” andrew leaned forward a little and took a sip of his water.

you told him a little bit about what you did. about how you spent hours hunched over a painting and fixing the smallest problems in hopes it would satisfy the client.

“you must’ve gone to some prestigious art school for that. if you don’t mind me asking, where did you go to college?”

your spine stiffened. “university of calgary.”

and just like you anticipated, his face twisted in confusion. there was no logical reason you should’ve gone out of the country for a regular school. it would be one thing if you went to an art institute, but you didn’t.

“why calgary?” he asked. “seems a bit random, if you don’t mind me asking.”

you shifted in your seat and wouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes. it wasn’t until you cleared your throat in a sorry attempt to get the lump out, that you spoke. “it’s a long story,” you said. “thought i had a future in calgary.”

andrew, to his credit, knew when to not ask questions and changed the subject immediately.

the rest of the night passed in a blur. you were only halfway present, your mind reeling at how you wasted those years in calgary waiting for a man who would dump you as soon as he moved to a warmer state.

he, quite literally, left you in the cold.

andrew offered to walk you to your car, an offer you accepted because it was dark and st. louis.

“i had a great time tonight,” he said. “it was really nice to meet you. you’re even better than simone and stephen said.”

you gave him a small smile. “it was nice to meet you too.”

andrew shifted on his feet. for a moment, he didn’t look the part of the youngest partner at his law firm, he looked like a boy. “i was hoping maybe you’d want to do this again? maybe get some dinner?”

your throat felt like someone had force fed you cotton balls. but then you thought about how pathetic your life had been the last six months, how pathetic it was going to be when you flew to new jersey to be in the same bridal party as your ex.

you refused to be pathetic any longer.

which is probably why you smiled (albeit shakily) and said yes.

before

you were bouncing on your toes in the hallway as you waited for matt. it was a brutal game, and he spent a good portion of it in the penalty box, mostly for minor things, but one incident was for fighting. which wasn’t atypical, but you’d never seen him that keyed up before.

and given his reputation, there were any number of things that could’ve caused the fight itself. two weeks ago, matt had fought someone for being too forceful with one of his teammates, which after years of watching the game, was on par with the sport and your boyfriend.

because he fought so much, you weren’t necessarily surprised whenever he did. sure, you flinched when he was punched, knowing how badly it would bruise, praying to whatever higher power existed that he would still have all his teeth. but usually, matt wasn’t trying to fight everyone on the ice at all times.

tonight was different.

safe to say, you were a little anxious waiting for him to come out.

you weren’t exactly sure about what was said on the ice to get him so riled up. the worst you’d seen was when someone on the other team said something about taryn. you used to think that was the angriest you ever saw him. and it was.

until tonight.

you could feel the energy rolling off of him in waves as he exited the locker room. usually, after a win, matt is relaxed and easy going, but despite the victory from tonight, he was tense and pent up, frustrated even.

“hey,” you said, meeting him halfway.

matthew didn’t respond, just dropped his bag and wrapped you up in a hug, tucking his head into the space where your neck met your shoulder.

“you okay?” you asked.

he nodded. he squeezed your waist once before letting go, taking your hand instead. “ready to go?”

the car ride was silent minus the music matthew had playing through the aux. his hand rested on your thigh, though the grip was particularly tighter than normal, especially after a win. part of you wanted to ask, the other part not wanting to spoil the rest of the night with your curiosity.

but this was the man you loved. and it hurt you to see him this upset.

normally, you would’ve left well enough alone, but you were going back to notre dame in two days and didn’t want to spend the rest of your time walking on eggshells around him. you couldn’t help him if you didn’t know what was wrong.

“what happened?” you asked when the car came to a stop at a light.

“nothing,” he grunted.

“your team won and you’re still grumpy, matthew. so tell me, what happened? i want to help you.”

“there’s nothing to help.”

“matthew,” you groaned. “i’m only here for two days, can you just be honest with me? i don’t wanna waste the rest of my trip with you being upset when i can help you—”

“then go back to indiana!” he all but yelled, ripping his hand off your thigh so he could shove it through his disheveled hair.

your jaw dropped. in all the years you’d known matt, he'd never talked to you that way. and you weren’t starting a bad habit by letting him think he could ever do it again. you unbuckled your seat belt and grabbed your bag. you tugged on the handle of the door. “i’ll see you at home,” you said.

matt scoffed. “don’t be dramatic.”

“i’m not being ‘dramatic,’ matthew. you’re being an asshole.” you braced yourself for the cold as the door opened and let in a cold breeze.

matthew called your name, but you ignored him and slammed the car door shut. it was a little petty, considering how matt had berated his siblings over the same thing.

a car honked, probably because the light had turned green and matt was still sitting at the light, looking at you.

a cold wind blew and for a moment, you thought about hopping back in the car with matt, but he was pulling away and your pride wasn’t ready to take a hit just yet.

his car sped away until, with an efficiency you only wish you had, he parallel parked in a spot just up the road.

“get in the car,” he called, slamming his car door shut. “it’s too cold for you to be proving a point.”

“and what point am i trying to prove, matthew?” you asked over your shoulder.

you kept walking.

“would you please stop walking and just get back in the car?”

you kept walking.

a hand reached out and grabbed your wrist, you might’ve shrieked had it not been gentle, had you not recognized the scent of matt’s cologne.

gently, he turned you around.

“baby, just get in the car. you don’t even have to talk to me. don't even have to look at me if you don’t want to. i’ll sleep on the couch or something, but it’s not safe for you to be walking home alone.” he ran his thumb back and forth over your pulse point in a soothing manner.

you kept your eyes on his hand. “what happened during the game?

he sighed, shoulders sagging like they were tired from carrying the weight of the world. “they were talking shit.”

you blinked. “and that’s different....how?”

with the hand that wasn’t holding your wrist, matthew pinched the bridge of his nose. “they were talking shit about you. saying you deserved better and shit.”

“matthew, you know that’s not true—”

“they called you names.” his voice was dark, angrier than you'd ever heard before. “things i’m not comfortable repeating.”

a shiver went down your spine, for matt to be that upset made you uncomfortable. you didn’t want to think about what they said, you didn’t want to dwell on it any longer.

“well,” you said, voice feeling small and weak in your throat. “well, we know it’s not true, so it doesn’t matter.” you tried to make your way back to the car, but matt’s grip on your wrist stopped you.

“but it does matter,” he insisted. “what they said, i get it wasn't true, you and i both know that. but i’m not gonna let anyone talk shit about you, i don’t care who they are.”

your eyes finally met his own and in the blue you saw determination and conviction there. you started towards him and wrapped your arms around his waist.

“i love you, matty.”

he kissed the top of your head. “love you more.”

after

“where are you going?” your mom asked from the couch.

your dad looked up from his james patterson book to squint at your outfit: a square neck black dress. “are you going out?” he chimed in.

you felt sheepish, like the fifteen year old girl going on her first solo date, no parents picking her up because matt just got his license. “remember that guy i went on a double date with?”

“with simone and her husband?” you mom asked.

you nodded. “we’re going out again, just us tonight.”

your mother gave you a small smile while you dad kept staring. “have fun, sweetheart.”

your dad, however, put his book down and looked at you above the rim of his glasses. “are you gonna be okay?”

“alan, this will be good for her!”

but your dad’s eyes never left your face. “you’ll call if you need something?”

“andrew’s a good guy, dad.” or at least, you were assuming so. you’d only met the guy one other time and he seemed alright.

but you could see the look in your father’s eyes, you could hear what he wasn’t saying.

so was matthew.

you swallowed and nodded at your parents. your phone pinged with a notification that your uber was outside. “i’ll be back.”

the drive to the bar was silent. usually, you wouldn’t have taken an uber, but you were unsure how drunk you would get tonight. the date could go well, it could be everything you wanted, even if all you wanted was matthew. 

but you were prepared for the worst. you were prepared to drink until you couldn’t see straight just to get through the night.

andrew was a nice guy, but he wasn’t who you wanted.

and you hated yourself for it.

the uber pulled up to the bar. and simply because he didn’t kidnap or talk to you, you gave the driver five stars.

andrew was waiting at a high top table for you, a glass of water ready to go. you waved at him and carefully made your way across the room, avoiding people and drinks and people with drinks.

“hey,” he greeted.

you gave him a small smile. “hi.”

“was traffic bad on your way here? i wasn’t sure, given that it’s friday and what not.”

you shook your head. “not too bad.” 

c’mon, think of something. say something. anything.

“crazy busy tonight, huh?” you wanted to facepalm. that was what you came up with? all the words in the world and that was what you—

“yeah,” andrew cut off your mental tirade. “i think some famous guys are here tonight, heard murmurs of it.”

you nearly broke out into a cold sweat. “d-do you know who?”

andrew shrugged. “i didn’t ask, i just heard someone talking about it when i was getting a drink.” then, like he finally realized, he snapped. “do you want anything? i can grab it for you.”

you gave him your drink order with a smile. he tapped the table with his knuckles before promising he'd be right back.

you traced the grain of the table with your finger, allowing it to feel the grooves and water stains left from other customers. it felt awkward, sitting by yourself with no one to talk to. andrew said he'd be back, but the bar was busy, it could be ten, fifteen minutes before he'd come back.

your phone buzzed.

simone: 

how’s it going?

you smiled despite yourself. 

you:

he’s nice. he went to get me a drink.

you put your phone down to look around the bar. it was busier than normal, or at least, what you thought was normal.

you were scrolling through your social media feeds when andrew finally came back. he had your drink in hand with a smile on his face.

“sorry, the line took forever,” he said.

you glanced at the bar to see a small crowd of people. “doesn’t surprise me,” you said. “friday’s are usually busy.”

“yeah especially when there’s two hockey players in town. heard someone at the bar talking about it, thought you might wanna know. simone said you were a fan?”

your stomach dropped to your feet. you took a hefty sip of your drink to avoid andrew seeing a frown on your face. there was a chance that it was a blues player still in town, but your gut knew better. if you were a betting woman, you'd bet your last dollar on it being brady and matt.

you wanted to throw up.

instead, you chugged the drink.

“whoa, you okay?” andrew’s eyes widened a little, maybe in concern, but there was something about the smirk on his face that said otherwise.

you gave him a shaky smile. “just fine. can i get another drink?”

he smiled immediately and got up to get you another.

and another.

and another.

your vision was blurring a little when you tried to cut yourself off, even as andrew was sliding another glass in front of you. you threw the drink back again, not even blinking at it.

matt and brady could be here. it was too soon to see them again, you weren't prepared to see them again. maybe if you drank enough, you’d black out and forget all about tonight.

but then andrew was grabbing your elbow, he was leading you towards the door, encroaching upon your personal space. his lips were on your neck, whispers of what he had planned for you.

your skin crawled, you wanted him off of you, but your arms were sluggish, you were tripping over your feet and he was the only thing holding you up.

“no,” you slurred. “lemme go.”

but he either didn’t hear you or was ignoring you because he kept dragging you to the door.

then the panic set in.

it felt like it came out of nowhere, but maybe the surmounting panic was always there like a loyal friend. you tried squirming out of his grip, shoving at his chest, but the panic was building the longer he held onto you. your head was shaking furiously, your mouth doing its best to protest, but it was like the alcohol made your tongue heavy.

“lemme go—” you tried shoving one more time before you heard a shout in the distance. 

“hey!” you weren’t aware of the people around you being shoved to the side, you were unaware of the rage surrounding you. you were unaware until andrew was ripped away and you were being shoved into another body.

“matt hey—”

brady. you were right, brady was here.

god you loved brady.

“brady?” you slurred, smiling lazily up at him. “you’re here! why’re you here?”

with one arm, brady kept you pressed to him, but he wasn’t acknowledging you. his eyes were focused on his brother holding the collar of your date.

oh. your date.

there was no rhyme or reason for the feeling of horror that washed over you when you realized what almost happened before matt and brady showed up.

you were gonna throw up.

or pass out.

you weren’t sure when you started hyperventilating, but it felt like the walls were closing in. was the music always this loud? was matt always that loud when yelling? you wouldn’t know, he hardly ever yelled at you—

“hey,” brady’s gentle voice sounded it your ear, but it was like you were hearing it from underwater. “hey, breathe, it’s okay. you’re safe now.”

the funny thing about hyperventilating is no one wants to be hyperventilating. it’s similar to worrying in that telling someone to stop worrying is ineffective. brady telling you to breathe wasn’t helping because it wasn’t like you wanted to be light headed and struggling to get oxygen.

your mind was just racing with the thoughts of what almost happened.

were your hands shaking? or was the world just rocky? was it the alcohol? why did andrew give you so much? was he planning on—

oh god.

oh god.

“matt!” brady’s voice again sounding like a deep echo in a cave, one you could barely hear. “matt, i think he got the point, she needs you.”

did you?

but it didn’t matter what you thought, because you were being gently pulled into a pair of arms you would’ve recognized anywhere. you could be deaf, blind, and mute, you could’ve had your nose plugged so you couldn’t smell his aftershave and you still would’ve known it was matt. his arms were the only ones that felt like home.

maybe it was the way your head tucked under his chin perfectly, or the way you could hold your own hand when you wrapped your arms around his waist. maybe it was the way matt tried to fit you into his ribcage whenever he hugged you.

“hey,” his voice was quiet, hoarse from the yelling probably. “you’re okay, i’ve got you. nothing’s gonna hurt you, not while i’m here.” his lips were on the top of your head, mumbling the words into your hair.

“he—he was gonna—”

matt was shushing you, running a hand up and down your back. “do you wanna go outside? get some fresh air?” you nodded against his chest, a place you used to lay your head on at night.

matt walked you outside, brady not far behind. he was supporting most of your weight. you were still incredibly drunk even if the event that just happened sobered you up a little.

your hands were still shaking, your knees a little weak, though you weren’t sure what the original cause of that was. if it was from alcohol, the sleazy date, or just being held by your ex, you weren’t sure.

what a year tonight has been.

your heartbeat slowed down as you listened to matt’s. his hand continued to rub your back in long lines.

“you’re okay,” he continued to say. “i’m not gonna leave you. you’re safe right here, baby.”

your heart soared at the pet name until gravity kicked in and you were right back where you started.

rock bottom.

you pushed away from matt, now that your heart rate had decreased. you stumbled a bit from the lack of stability, but you managed to right yourself before matt could get his hands on you to help you balance.

“you okay?” he asked.

“no,” you mumbled, shaking your head despite the world feeling like it was spinning too fast already. “no. i’m not okay.”

matt took a step towards you, it was like watching a film in slow motion, seeing his face fall as you immediately took a step back.

“baby i—”

“stop! stop calling me that!” you yelled even as your words slurred, throwing your hands up in the air before pulling at your hair. “you—you don’t get to call me that, not anymore. and you certainly don’t get to ride in like some white knight coming to my rescue either!”

“what’re you—” he cut himself off before running a hand down his face. “he was going to hurt you, i wasn’t going to let that happen!”

maybe it was the alcohol that made you more honest than normal. “why? you don’t seem to care what happens anyway?”

“what the hell are you talking about? i would never let someone hurt you, not if i can stop it.”

“but you had no problem hurting me? leaving me in a country alone?”

matt’s jaw dropped. “you can’t seriously be comparing the two. he—he almost—he had every intention of—” but he kept cutting himself off. and by the looks of his clenched fists, it was hurting him more just thinking about it.

and he was right, what almost happened with andrew and what actually happened at the hands of matt were two different things, but it hurt more from matt, the man who swore he’d be at your side, to love you through it all. he’d dropped you like a bad habit and was expecting everything to be normal again? like you hadn’t spent over half your life completely in love with him?

you sighed, your shoulders sagged, all fight evaporating your body once more. “thanks for help, i’ll see you around.��� you turned on your heel and nearly ran into brady, whom you forgot was even there.

“let me drive you home,” brady said. “‘s the least i could do.”

brady at least let you sit shotgun this time, with matt in the back. and when he pulled up to your house, matt was the one to walk you to the door like he had many times before.

“can we talk?” he asked. “sometime this week? or next? or whenever you're free?”

you looked at him, really looked at him. his hands shook at his sides and you longed to hold them in your own to steady them like he did for you earlier. “why’re you doing this to me? why can’t you just leave me be?”

matt stared at you before he pressed his lips together. he looked off to the side almost like he was looking at brady waiting in the car or a scrap of self control, or maybe just the right words to say. “i don’t think i’m capable of letting you go.”

your voice caught on the words in your throat. “i need you to try, matt. because i can’t keep doing this. you can’t call me baby when i’m not your baby anymore.”

he nodded. “just one conversation, i promise.”

you should say no. you should just let it go, but you didn’t think you could deny matt anything if he really asked for it. “okay,” you said. “just one conversation.”

[anzulvr]

What do you think Karma would be like with a calm/chill reader who's easygoing and effortlessly charming personality sometimes turns completely 180 when they feel strong emotions? Like they can go from sweetly comforting Nagisa to yelling oddly detailed threats at Terasaka while chasing him with a metal bottle for eating her food. (Maybe mix in some passive aggressive sarcastic sass when Korosensei's being annoying?)

Karma x Chill(..but actually really passive aggressive) reader 🤗🤗 Ty for the request!! (Sorry took long)

— You don’t argue often and you are also very good at listening to everyones perspective and ideas even if they’re different from you. People view you as very understanding so seeing you actually getting into a heated fight it’s surprising at first.

— Karma is so surprised when he sees you angry for the first time like he didn’t know you had it in you to say the things you did.

— He TRIES to get you pissed off just to see you react, since you know he’s kidding and dating him gives you a soft spot for him it’s basically just him failing to annoy you.

— This one time Karma scribbled over your paper to bother you and all you did was frown for a second and erase / re do anything he messed up. (He felt bad and helped you when he realized you weren’t going to fight 😭)

— then in a group project with Yoshida (also Isogai and Rinka) Yoshida scribbled a little bit on your notes (not nearly as much damage as Karma made) but it pissed you off so badly you grabbed a marker and started scribbling on his face

“I’ve been working on those notes for days you actual dumbass”

“Hey- I’m sorry!! I’ll rewrite them— get off me your using permanent marker it’ll be hard to take off!!”

“GOOD.”

— “Damn [name] that mad?” When you hear Karma mention how you reacted you stop so fast

“I wasn’t actually mad. We we’re just playing right Yoshida?”

Only out of fear he agrees “Right..”

— You’re tolerance for everything is way higher for Karma because you like him too much to get mad, that doesn’t mean you never get mad at him it just takes a little more to.

— Some of the things you respond with are shady in the way people expect Karma and it’s just so confusing cause it feels so out of character for you.

— but it’s definitely one of the things Karma likes the most about you because 1. It’s funny 2. Hes glad to see you stand up for yourself once in a while because he’s usually the one telling people off for you.

— passive aggressiveness would come whenever Korosensei or really E class is too pushy about certain topics.

For example before Karma confessed to you theyd push you to do it first and come up with crazy plans to make things happen.

— they full on locked you in a room together and instead of waiting it out you found a way to break the doorknob (together #romanceisreal)

Angry you and happy Karma is a mix end class fears because he’ll be constantly hyping it up😭

Like you’ll be be hitting Terasaka with a notebook because he said something stupid and Karma will go:

“[Name] wait— Use this one it’s way thicker!!”

(took inspo for ur original request lollol)

Karma will support anything you try and honestly rile you up more to see what you do

Angry you and Angry Karma is definitely the worst mix of all

hell on earth

! but it hardly happens since you usually reel each other in

Just tell him to chill tf out😭

Having strong emotions isn’t all bad, you’re empathetic, kind and care for everyone in class— even Terasaka no matter how much of a pain he can be.

mom friend-ish?? (Awe yeah Mom friend definitely)

They don’t actually mind it and are grateful for the times you stand up for them bc they know you love them

Especially Karma even though you’re prone to getting into arguments like all couples do it’ll work out fine because you both care to much about eachother.

If you’re the type to remind people you love them after arguing it’s another thing he loves about you, since he himself has trouble saying he’s wrong first it’s helped him swallow his pride and apologize faster.

(Literally so cute my fave relationship dynamic)

[okkotsuus]

PLEASE i need that dealing with ur ex as ur boyf but for barou cus i KNOW that man would GO OFF!

ex encounters (bllk pt.2) !

no because barou would beat the shit out of someone. i'm jut gonna include the rest i wanted for pt.2 with this <3

features: barou s. jingo r. rensuke k. meguru b.

contents: bad exes. ig hurt comfort. kind of comical. barou tries to fight someone. raichi actually fights someone. barou, raichi, and kunigami are physically imposing. bachira pretends to be cray cray (is he really pretending tho?). they're adults bc i said so. 1.9k words.

tw for the exes: copying you. light implied obsession. second choice. gas lighting. being physically imposing. cheating. implied love bombing. stage 5 clinger (derogatory). extremely mild stalking? (can't think of a better word for it).

pt.1 — pt.3 — pt.4

barou would be so bothered, he would verbally degrade the poor dude to tears. not to mention how physically imposing the man is, the ex would be SPRINTING away.

it all started about three years ago when you broke up with your ex, because you just didn't love him anymore and didn't want to keep him trapped in a loveless relationship.

you always felt bad about it, but never bad enough to get back together with him. especially not after barou had barged his way into your life, conquering your heart.

you were sitting on a bench in the park while waiting for him to come back from getting ice cream for the two of you. y'know, not expecting to see your ex, you were minding your business and scrolling though tiktok.

"y/n, hey!" you looked up to see your ex, at first you were confused because frankly, you didn't recognize him. he had changed a lot about himself, physically, dying his hair and dressing different.

part of you already had an idea where this was going. so, you just smiled at him and tried your best to be polite.

"oh, hello." yep, polite, but not nice so that it would lead him on. he stated blabbing on about how he had changed a lot lately, talking about things from the food he liked to the music he listened to. you noticed that it was all things that you had done or liked back when the two of you were together. it was kind of creeping you out.

"i guess what i'm trying to say is: will you please give me another chance. we should be much more compatible now-" you watched half in amusement and half in shock as a cone of ice cream was sat on his freshly coiffed hair.

your ex whirled around in anger, but immediately when dead still when he saw who did it: your boyfriend, barou. he was now holding only one ice cream as he stared down on your ex.

"you dare to speak to MY servant? begone from my sight, you filthy donkey." his words were spat with a venom as he threateningly stepped towards your ex who ran away.

he grumbled and handed you the ice cream he didn't shove on your ex's head, watching as you looked at him with stars in your eyes. he just huffed and ruffled your hair, looking away to hide the slight flush on his cheeks.

"he won't bother you again, but you better share your ice cream with me as a thanks."

jingo would swing on sight. i’m being so deadass he would sucker punch them and spit on them before looking at you all smiley and walking out while holding your hand.

while on a date with raichi, you had lost him in the aisles of the target that you had chosen to torment. you and him had been having a grand time while terrorizing everyone there with your boisterous cackles at any little thing that slightly amused you.

you had looped around an aisle to find him after walking too fast and he was no where in sight. at first you thought he was hiding from you as a joke so you jumped at the beginning of every aisle to try to catch him off guard. but no one was there.

well no one except your ex. because of course he was there. why wouldn't he be in this random target while you just happened to by separated from your boyfriend?

he wasn't a terrible person per say, but he just had a tendency to choose other things or people over you. that was just something that gnawed at you until you snapped which lead to this big fight, where he accused you of making everything up. that was the last straw for you so you broke up with him and never spoke to him, ignoring his calls until they stopped coming.

but here he was, standing directly in front of you, a wobbly smile on his lips that didn't match the look in his eyes. "hey, honey. how've you been? i've been really bad without you..."

you didn't answer and just stared at him while backing off slightly. he just continued, taking a step forward for every one you took back.

"i really miss you, you make me complete"

"you don't really mean that." the words flew from your lips before you could think, speaking the cold and harsh truth. he knew that as his expression turned in anger, taking a bigger step towards you.

but he was immediately thrown back by a fist ramming right against his cheek. he flew back and stood there stunned, taking in the sight of your boyfriend. his widened eyes, sharp teeth, and muscular form. raichi was cracking his knuckles as he growled at the guy.

your ex was about to swing back only to be punched straight in the nose, falling to the ground, being temporarily knocked out. raichi spat on him and turned to you, grimace turning into a sweet grin. he held your hand as an employee kicked you out of the store.

"we're definitely banned, don't regret it though angel, there are other targets."

rensuke would be just annoyed. he knows what he looks like compared to most men and just stands behind you while looking at the guy, doesn’t even have to do anything.

you were sitting at a table in your favorite restaurant while kunigami went to park the car, wanting to optimize the time that it would take to wait for a table. surprisingly, it wasn't very packed so you were able to get one as soon as you asked the hostess.

so, here you sat, sipping on your water as you waited for your boyfriend to come back to join you.

what you didn't expect was to feel an unfamiliar hand on your shoulder, turning to see your ex. he wasn't anything special; the typical cheater. he was so sweet to you at the beginning of it all, treating you as if he was your world almost instantly. that really should have only clued to you that he was hiding something.

he cheated on you with not only one person, but THREE. so he was the furthest from someone you could get back together with. so when he started doing the same sweet lines that he had given you during the beginning of your relationship, a familiar sense of dread set in.

"hey there pretty, missed ya so much, why don't i join you here?"

you just shook your head as you noticed rensuke approaching from the front of the restaurant. you had stopped listening to your ex and you watched his form talk to the hostess.

she pointed in your direction, and you watched as his gaze moved upon you and the predicament you were in. he sent an apologetic smile your way as he walked with a slight haste you way.

"...and those are the reasons why we would be perfect if we got back together." he finished off a long spiel that you, frankly, weren't listening to. you just nodded, watching as rensuke settled behind the guy, waiting for him to notice.

"that's nice and all, it's just: i already have a boyfriend. plus, you cheated on me." your ex just sighed and began to start complimenting you, saying he was such a fool.

rensuke cleared his throat as he stood with his arms crossed, a brow quirked. he was kinda hot like this, to be honest. your ex just turned around and when he saw him, you saw his eyes widen.

your ex just looked between the two of you, acknowledging your loving gaze at the other man, he just sighed and left. rensuke snickered and sat across from you, flipping through the menu.

"can't take ya anywhere, can i, sweetheart?"

meguru would go like feral. he would start talking to the monster in front of the dude and just make him think he was batshit crazy. i mean, it worked, so whatever.

you were sitting with bachira on a bench while he idly chattered about bees. you just smiled as you listened to him list off all sorts of things that you couldn't understand through the jumbling of his words from excitement.

suddenly, your pleasant afternoon was interrupted by a voice shouting your name. you turned to see you ex running up to you with a smile. he never really left you alone, even after you had broken up. always happy to see you and insert himself into anything that you were doing. like a nosey dog. somehow, he was everywhere you were, like he knew you'd be there.

"heya! how've you been, missed you!" he went in for a side-hug but you scooted further into bachira's side, skirting away from it. bachira had long forgotten his beloved bees, instead scrutinizing your ex with a hollow, yellow gaze.

"hey..." you trailed off, lookng away as he sat down, squeezing into the two person bench, legs against yours. so you leaned further into bachira, relishing in the arm he draped over the back of the bench to rest around your shoulders. you also saw the glare your ex shot his way.

"just wanted you to know that i've really missed you, and i'm practically begging you for another chance!" his tone was chipper as his eyes glared harshly into your boyfriend, holding all but friendliness.

bachira suddenly burst into laughter, cackling like a maniac. he looked at the ground in front of the two of you, as if something was there.

"d'you hear the never of this guy? flirting with my partner right in front of me?" he spoke to nothing, it took you a little aback at first before remembering about his 'monster.' your ex just looked at him with wide eyes, clearly freaked out.

bachira nodded at the spot, mumbling agreements. he suddenly turned to your ex, looking him dead in the eye, piercing into him. his face was blank, eyes wide and empty, the only expression was a smirk on his lips.

"the monster in me says that the world would be better of without you... and i agree." your ex jumped up and muttered a goodbye to you before speedwalking away.

you turned to bachira and watched him shake his head like a dog, expression returning to normal as he looked at you with sparkly eyes and a genuine smile. your heart returned to normal as he kissed your shoulder.

"i may be crazy for you, sweet thing, but i'm not actually crazy. yet..."

okkotsuus 23

[miniwheat77]

Awkward. (Gaz x Reader.)

!CW! NSFW, Smut, Virgin!reader, p in v sex, virginity loss, unprotected sex, awkward reader, mentions of reader being picky, violence, sorry if I missed any. This sat in my drafts forever lmao

(Lmao, it’s my time to shine bc I’m the most awkward bitch you’ll ever meet.)

Your face contorts in disgust as you look upon the contents of the MRE, you hated it. You’re carrying more than you should, trying to get to the mess hall. You lay them out on the countertop, going and sitting down. Pretty much the only thing you liked in this were the crackers. Soap sits down at your table, smile growing at his lips as he sees you eating the crackers. “Gross again?” He asks. “Always.” You mumble. When everyone else sits down at the table, you stand up to go get a water and Soap chuckles. “What’s funny?” Gaz asks. “She’s so awkward.” He mumbles. “Yeah, but she’s funny.” He shrugs. “Yeah, I like that she knows how awkward she is.”

“Do you remember when Captain Price put her on the spot in a meeting? She wanted to ring his neck.” Gaz laughs. Soap laughs too. “I don’t know, her awkwardness is cute.” Gaz shrugs. “Yeah it is, she just seems so…”

“Innocent? Oblivious? Yeah.”

You make your way back to the table, water bottle and crackers in hand. “You want my crackers too?” Gaz asks. “No, the smell of sin is making me nauseous,” you groan. “Sin?” Soap asks. “Yeah, the smell of whatever the fuck they put in those MRE’s is sin. You can’t change my mind.” You laugh. Gaz shakes his head. “How are you so picky?” He smiles. “Because, I hate everything.” You mumble. “Jeez, so uptight.” Soap mumbles. “Need to get laid little lady.” Soap tosses a packet of crackers your way, laughing as your cheeks heat up. You’re embarrassed and he can tell he’s struck a nerve. “Let’s not talk about who needs to get laid. You’re so touch starved, anything even mildly shaped like a woman turns you on.” You roll your eyes. “Hey, I never denied it.” He smiles. “Yeah, don’t go too crazy on the training mannequins.” You smirk, earning an eye roll from him.

—

“Hey Y/N.” Gaz smiles. You’re not expecting him and he startles you. You jump slightly, knocking over your capless water bottle and scrambling to pick it back up. “Oh shit!” You gasp. You stand up, trying to brush the water from your shirt. “H-hey Gaz. What’s up?” You ask. You hope he won’t be able to see your bright red cheeks but he can. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He chuckles. He passes you a few napkins from a table next to you. “I was wondering if you’d be my spotter tomorrow morning when I work out. Soap usually does it but he’s not feeling very good.” He says. “Uh.. yeah sure- yeah.” You laugh awkwardly.

He reaches out, taking the cap to your water bottle and screwing it on before setting it back down. “Thank you.” You blush. He smiles.

Captain Price chuckles when Gaz comes back toward him. “For how awkward she is, she’s a real good soldier.” He laughs. “Yeah, it’s odd.” Gaz smiles. “She seems more awkward around you.” Captain Price points out. “You think so?” Gaz looks at him. “Yeah, maybe she has a crush on you.” Captain Price laughs. “I doubt it.”

—

“I’m going to scrape my eyes out with my fingernails.” You groan. “Y/N, you’re going to be fine.” Soap chuckles. “No, no I’m not, I hate this.” You sigh. “Why? What’s so bad?” He asks. “Soap. I joined the military, not the fucking royal family. I hate dresses. I hate dressing up.” You groan, tugging the dress down your thighs. You had to borrow it from another girl on base. “Plus this dress barely covers my ass.” You groan. “Yeah. You look a lot different.” He laughs. “Different how?” You ask. “Hey guys.” Gaz smiles. He’s dressed up really nice as well. “Hey. And also, you look like a girly girl.” Soap laughs. You roll your eyes. “Y/N is complaining once again.” Soap looks at Gaz. “Isn’t she always.” He sends you a wink, and you try to ignore it. “Yeah, because this is misery. I don’t wear dresses.” You groan. Gaz smiles. “You look really good though.” He smiles. “Liar.” You mumble. “I’m gonna go get wine drunk and try to pretend this night never happened.” You groan.

“Wonder why she’s so awkward.” Soap laughs. “I don’t know.” Gaz shrugs.

A few hours later, you’re a little tipsy. Captain Price has made a toast, he’s thanked everyone, you’ve met family members of fellow soldiers. It’s pretty fun even though you hate the way you’re dressed. You’re tipsy, sitting back in your chair. Smiling lightly at the story Gaz is telling. You really love them. They’re like your best friends. “You okay?” Gaz looks at you. You nod your head. “Just listening.” You smile. Something about the half-tipsy half-lazy smile you give him, sparks shoot right through him, chills going down his spine. He tries to shrug these feelings off. “You don’t seem as awkward when you’re drinking.” He laughs. “Liquid courage.” You smile, raising up the glass of wine. He smiles. “Alright, time for some fun.” Soap rubs his hands together. “You should tell us something cool about you.” He smiles. “Soap, she’s been drinking.” Gaz rolls his eyes. “So? She’d do it to me.” He laughs. “What do you want to know?” You look up at him, bringing your legs up onto the chair. “Why didn’t any of your family come here?” Soap asks. “Ah, I didn’t tell them about it.” You laugh. “Why not?”

You shrug. “They’re just.. it’s a long ways for them to come and I didn’t want to be disappointed when they told me they couldn’t make it.” You laugh. “Your boyfriend isn’t going to come?” He asks. You smile. “Boyfriend?” You giggle. “Yeah.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend. Never have.” Soap tilts his head. “What?” You giggle again. “Not exactly the dating type.” You roll your eyes. “So..” Gaz swallows a little harder than he intends. “How does that work? Like friends with benefits because you don’t date or..” this makes you laugh. Taking him off guard. “Oh god no. I’m too awkward for that.” Gaz and Soap exchange glances. “So.. have you never…” Soap trails off. “What?” You ask. “Have I ever had sex? No.” You roll your eyes. Taking another drink of wine. Gaz’s eyes widen. Soap and him exchanging glances. “Why not?” You raise an eyebrow. “Have you seen me?” You giggle. “If I have a crush on somebody, I keep that to myself. I am so awkward if anybody ever found out I liked them, I’d die of embarrassment.” You smile. “Huh. Do you like anybody on the task force?” He asks. Your cheeks turn a bright shade of red. “Oh you doooo. Who is it?”

“None of your business.” You roll your eyes. “We’ll find out sooner or later.” He smiles. You roll your eyes. “I’ll take it to my grave thank you very much.” You chuckle. You stand up. “I’m calling it a night,” you mumble. “Yeah, I’m going to go see what Simon is doing.” Soap stands up, walking off. “You need me to walk you back to your room?” Gaz asks. You smile. “You can if you want.” He stands up, pushing his chair in and walking along with you. Gaz liked you. He got along with you pretty well. He thought your awkwardness was funny and cute. He’s got his hands in his pockets as he walks beside you. “So.. where did the awkwardness start?” He asks. “I don’t know, it’s been that way forever.” You laugh. He nods his head. He’s smiling. When he reaches your room, he says his goodbyes, and for once you’re not too awkward, the wine most likely. Once he finishes up his goodbyes, he goes on to his own room.

The following morning, you’re a little hung over. But nonetheless you make your way out into the mess hall. “Ah. There she is.” Soap smirks. “What?” You mumble. “I don’t see any hickeys or bruises.” He crosses his arms. “What are you talking about?” You’re getting nervous. “We saw you and Garrick leaving together last night. Thought maybe you gave up your v-card.” He smiles. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I don’t even remember last night.” Your cheeks are burning and you’re avoiding his gaze. “I forgot my belt.” You mumble, disappearing back down the hallway you came from. You rush down the corridor until you meet Gaz’s door. You knock a couple times before walking straight in. “Woah-“ he mumbles, spinning around. He’s just now getting dressed. He doesn’t have a shirt on and his pants are still unbuttoned. “Sorry- I just- did something happen last night?” You mumble. “What do you mean?” He asks. “I just.. Soap said he saw us leave together and I don’t remember anything- did- oh god.” You mumble.

“Did we have sex?” He asks as he crosses his arms. Your face is beat red and you look frustrated. “No. We didn’t have sex.” He laughs. “Oh thank god.” You mumble. “I- I mean. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant.. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with you- I- just-“ your eyes are wide as the words leave your lips. He’s smirking at you, taking a step closer. Arms crossed over his chest. Your lips are parted, still in shock at what you’ve just admitted. The only thing you can think to do is leave. Hearing his laughter as you leave, closing the door behind you.

“Stupid- stupid.” You mumble, pacing back and fourth in your room. How the hell were you supposed to go out there after that? After admitting to him that you wanted to have sex with him? You chewed at your lip nervously. You hear your Captain call over the radio that everyone needed to meet in the mess hall. You groan in frustration. You make your way outside, staying completely emotionless as you make your way outside. You sit down at the table you usually sit at, looking over a magazine. You can feel eyes burning into you and you know for sure it’s Soap and Gaz. “We’re leaving on a mission in 15, make sure you have absolutely everything you need. This is an important mission.”

—

Gaz of course sat right next to you for the entire ride to the zone. “Y/N? Everything okay?” Soap asks, he’s got a smirk on his face. “Fine, just nervous.” You mumble. “Because Gaz is sitting next to you?” He teases. “Ha ha ha.” You roll your eyes. “Because we’re about to kill a bunch of assholes and put our lives on the line.” You mumble. “I didn’t think you still got nervous on these.”

He’s caught you in a lie. “Yeah well.. whatever.” You mumble. “You don’t do very good under pressure.”

“No I don’t, I lash out and get violent, why do you think I’m in the military.” You smile. He laughs. “I’m just pulling your leg. But ay, after the mission maybe if you ask him politely enough, Gaz will hit it again.” A snort leaves your lips. You roll your eyes. “After this mission maybe if you’re still alive, I’ll ring your neck and the enemy won’t have to.” You glare. Gaz places his hand on your thigh, your body going rigid immediately. “Relax, he’s just talking shit. It’s what he’s good at.” Soap notices the way you tense up, seeing you staring down at Kyle’s hand. You clamp your thighs together immediately. Hands clutching at the bench until your knuckles turn white. You’ve clearly got a crush. Soap shakes his head, smiling to himself. You’re so obvious.

The helicopter lands and everyone files out, taking direct orders from Captain Price and Ghost. Your demeanor changes from that of awkwardness to stealth. There’s no time for playing games, only time for war. “This is Capture or kill. We need the intel inside.” Ghost says to everyone. “We’re moving slow, staying with a partner. Keep focused.” He helps guide everyone and eventually everyone is splitting into groups.

“You know it’s you who she has a crush on, right?” Soap mumbles to Gaz. “I know.” He laughs. They’re taking post up in a building and watching over everyone below. “She came into my room this morning because she didn’t remember anything that happened last night-“ he pauses, taking a shot and hitting an enemy below. “Incriminated herself pretty bad, that’s why she’s so frustrated and snappy.” He smiles, one eye closed as he watches the area below. “You know if you fuck her the attitude will go away right?” Soap chuckles. Gaz rolls his eyes. “I know. Just waiting until the time is right.” He pulls the trigger again. Soap smiles. “Woah, what’s going on?” Soap calls into his radio. He sees you burst out of a building, firing your gun rapidly into the door. You’re limping. “They’ve got Myles inside.” He can hear you groan into the radio. “I’ve got him, just give me a minute.” You empty another full magazine into the bulky door. Kicking it open despite your injury. Gaz has moved his attention to you as well for backup. They hear more gunfire, your radio must’ve been damaged because they can hear everything but it’s a little muffled.

When you reappear you’re dragging the sergeant out and wrapping your shirt over his wound. “Think his femoral artery was grazed, he’s bleeding bad.”

“I’ll get medical out.” Ghost says into the radio.

“Just keep him safe.”

“No worries here.”

All you’ve got on now is a tank top and your vest. You’d used your shirt to bandage his wound. You’re kneeling by the edge of the brick wall, gun close in your hand as you wait patiently. “Lookin good Y/N.” Gaz mumbles into the radio. He just knows you’ve rolled your eyes at him. “Eyes on target Garrick.” You groan. You pass a water bottle to the injured man laying up against the wall.

“I’m gonna go help her out. You got it?” Gaz says to Soap nods his head. “Go help your girl, Garrick.” He chuckles, Gaz makes his way down the stairs in the watch tower, creeping his way over to you. Soap watches him close in on you. “Let’s carry him out. Medivac will be around where we came in.” You nod your head, picking up the man and helping Gaz carrying him out. Once he’s safe, you’re both waiting with him to keep him safe.

—

The mission was overall a success and once you’ve been bandaged up, you’re limping your way around the base. You’re getting a lot of stares because you aren’t wearing your normal attire. All you’ve got on now are some shorts and a t-shirt. You’re making your way back to your room with an MRE when Gaz approaches you. “Hey. I got you something.” He smiles. You look at him in confusion. “Can I come in?” He asks. You nod your head, pushing your door open and letting him in. He sits down on your bed, sliding an MRE from behind his back. “Here.” He holds it out, seeing your eyes light up. “No way! How did you get it?” You smile. “Found it when I was snooping through some stuff. Saved it for you.” He smiles. “Thank you Gaz.”

What he’s given you is the only kind of MRE you won’t complain about. “You did good out there today. Hope you didn’t get hurt too bad.” He smiles. “Oh no.. just tore a muscle I think.” You mumble. You clear your throat. “Look um.. about this morning.” You mumble. He laughs, looking down. “I.. I totally messed up what I was going to say. I just.. I don’t think that you would take advantage of me or anything- oh god I’m rambling.” You groan. He’s smiling at you as you fall further into the hole you’ve dug for yourself. He takes a step toward you, and you step back. You don’t even realize you do it, it’s how you react by nature. “It’s not that I wouldn’t want to-“

“Y/N.” He interrupts you. “Yeah?”

He cuts you off by kissing you, and he can feel your body tense up. Your eyes screw shut and it takes you a second before you kiss back. But when you do, he deepens the kiss, pushing you back into the wall behind you. A hiss leaves your lips when you step wrong and he smiles into your lips. “Sorry love.” He mumbles, pulling away. “It’s okay.” You mumble. Your lips are plump from his, slightly pinker than before. Your pupils are blown out. It’s quite the look on you. He likes it. He leans in and kisses you once more, feeling you melt into him. Giving into him completely. He glides his hand up onto your hip. Feeling you tense up into him. He takes your bottom lip between his teeth, he's showing you that he wants to take this further.

Your brain is a scrambled mess when he pulls away. Staring up at him as he smiles down at you. He licks his lips, taking in a deep breath. You're breathing so hard and he can't help but chuckle at you. "Hey. Relax." He rests his forearm on the wall above you. Pinning you into the wall. He's clearly overwhelming you, but he likes seeing how flustered you are. "You okay?" He asks. "Yes. Just.. feel weird." You breathe. "What, here?" He glides his fingertips over your clothed opening, feeling you jump away from his touch. He smiles at the way you shutter from it. A taunting laugh leaves his lips. You take in a deep breath, grasping his wrist. “Kyle..” the breathlessness is your voice shows him just how needy you are. You glance up at him. He leans into you. Lips right by yours once more. “You can stop me you know?” He breathes. Fingertips returning to your clothed opening. He rubs gentle circles over you. You pant, but you don’t move away from him. You close your eyes, taking in a breath. Pushing your hips into his hand. He smiles at this. You really want him this bad. He presses his lips to yours, putting a bit more pressure against you. He presses a kiss the corner of your lips, moving down to your neck. Sucking gently at the skin and nipping at you. You’re getting more and more needy as he touches you. The awkwardness slowly slipping away.

When he pulls away from you, he can’t help but smile. You’re a mess. “You look good like this.” He bites his lip.

“So.. do you really want to have sex with me, or were you just saying that?” He teases. “Yeah- yes. I do want to have sex with you.” You breathe. “Oh, those are fighting words sweetheart.” He smiles. “I’m serious.” You breathe. “I want you.” His smile starts to fade away, a laugh leaving his lips. He grasps the hem of his shirt, tugging it over his head. He reaches out, grasping your shirt and pulling it over your head, attaching his lips to yours again. Your cheeks are hot and he can tell you’re nervous.

Gaz isn’t usually one to take control like this but he knows you’re too nervous to.

And he can see that it’s working. “There’s no rush sweetheart. No need to be so nervous. If I do anything you don’t like, you can stop me.” He mutters the words right near your ear and you can feel the deep darkness of lust swallowing you up. How even when he’s got you right in the palm of his hand he’s still reassuring you, proving further the kind of man he is. He lowers his hand between your legs once more, gliding his fingertips over your opening. His light touch sends chills up your spine. The pleasure wraps itself around your spinal cord, you can feel yourself stiffening up at his touch. “Like it baby?” He breathes. You nod your head. “Yes.” You whine. He applies a little more pressure, circling right over your bundle of nerves and even through the fabric, his hands on you makes it more intense than it’s ever felt.

He’s just about to close the deal, but a knock at your door draws his away from you. “Fuck.” He groans. “Yeah?” You call. “Just checking on you, everything okay?” You hear your captain call through the door. “Yeah, I’m alright. Just sore.” You breathe. Gaz smirks as he watches you.

“Hope you’re not harassing her, Garrick.” Your cheeks turn a shade of crimson. “Just keeping her company old man, making sure she takes care of herself.”

You hear him laugh, his footsteps fading away. “Guess I should leave you alone before he comes back, hm?” Gaz laughs, moving closer to you and lifting his shirt up off of the floor, handing out yours as he does. He slips it back over himself. “I’ll be back.” Gaz laughs. He steps away from you. Because he knows if he doesn’t he’ll fuck you hard enough for the entire base to hear.

And he can’t have that.

—

“She’s a fucking brick of a woman.” He hears Soap laugh. “What makes you say that?” Gaz asks, turning away from his scope to look at Johnny.

“Because, last mission she drug a 6’2 200 pound man no problem. This time, maybe you should see for yourself.” He nods over. “Swap me.” He raises his sniper up, swapping with Soap. He lines up his scope, seeing you. You and Ghost are sneaking into the building, you’re clearing out the outside. They allegedly have hostages and you don’t need any murder suicides on your hands. So you’re taking it slow.

The men in this compound are fucking massive and Gaz watches you move up on each one of them. Taking them down with ease. “She is insane on the field.” Gaz laughs. He notices you struggling with one of them, lining up a shot. He’s worried for a second since the man gets himself on top of you, taking a swing at you. Gaz flinches as he connects with your face. But one hard kick to the chest has him flying back. You pin him down, knee right to his chest to restrict him. You draw back, fist knocking into his jaw, laying the man out cold. You reach into your side, raising your hand with a knife and bringing it down to his throat.

“You good Y/N? That was a hell of a hit.” Gaz asks. “What happened?” Soap asks.

“Nah, I’m good.” You sit up. Soap makes his way over, as Ghost is already inside and he can no longer see him. He notices through his scope that you’ve got blood rushing down your nose from where the man hit you. “He hit her fucking hard.” Gaz cringes. “Ah, she’s alright. I’ve seen her get hit way harder and not even flinch.” Soap mumbles. “Doesn’t look like it, Lass. You need help?” Soap asks. He hears you snort.

“I’ve fallen off of buildings, been blown up, have had more concussions than I can count on one hand and have enough shrapnel in my body for the 2 of you combined. I’m good.” You laugh.

“This is the military, not a walk in the park. One asshole hitting me is the least of my worries.” You mumble, walking up behind a man and stabbing him right in the throat.

“All clear on my end.” You call.

“Mine too. Hostages have to be somewhere else because they aren’t here.” Ghost calls back. “Watch for stragglers, I’m about to arm the bomb. After that we’ve got exactly three minutes to blow this popsicle stand.” You mumble. They watch you messing with something for a minute. “Armed. Get out of here!” You call.

Gaz and Soap arrive first. You close after, and than Ghost saunters up last. The building and everything inside explodes behind the four of you and you smile as the flames roar up. “I see what they were talking about.” Ghost laughs. “Looks like that bastard packed a punch.” He nudges you, seeing you smile. “Yeah well. He’s in the flames and I’m not so. I punch harder.” You laugh, walking up the ramp, into the helo. The three men follow you inside.

“Look, all I’m saying is, you better make a move before I do.”

Gaz rolls his eyes at Soap. “She’s off limits and you know it.” He laughs. It’s dinner time and you’re getting cleaned up. “Don’t get me wrong she’s awkward as hell but how badass she is just… had me rockin a semi through the entire mission.” Soap laughs. Gaz scrunches his face up. “Gross.”

“I’m serious Gaz. You better get in there and pop that-“

“Please don’t say Cherry.” You groan, making them turn toward you, eyes wide. Ghost laughs harder than he should at their shocked faces, caught red handed.

You sit down. “You good?” Gaz asks. “Yeah. Fucker broke my nose so they had to crack it back into place and pack it.” You groan. They can tell by the already forming bruising under your eyes that you’re probably hurting. You sit down, leaning back into your chair. “So. Other than Gaz ‘popping my cherry.’ What’s new?” You smirk, crossing your arms. Gaz and Soap can’t hide their pink cheeks. “Ah, Laswell has an idea of where the hostages are.” Ghost nods. “Cool, when do we fly out?”

He laughs. “No, you have healing to do and Garrick has to do his yearly physical tomorrow before he can go back out on the field.” Ghost takes a bite of the sandwich he’s eating. Mask still down around his nose. “No way, it’s a broken nose not a cracked femur. I’m fine.”

Ghost laughs. “Captains orders Y/N.”

You groan out.

—

The next day, you’re getting coffee in the mess hall. It’s quiet on base since there’s no one else here. They left a few minutes ago, leaving you alone. Gaz had his physical about an hour ago and sometimes they take a little longer than that. You head back to your room, opening up the door and stepping inside. You close your door behind you. Just as you’re about to raise the cup to your lips, you see Gaz sitting on your bed.

“Oh dear.” You mumble. He laughs. Standing up. “Don’t sound so excited to see me princess.” He smiles. You narrow your eyes. “Do not call me that.”

He raises his hands up in surrender. “Sorry baby, don’t stab me.” He smirks. Seeing your cheeks turn pink. He sits back down, spreading his legs slightly. Leaning back onto his hands. “I swear you look so sexy on the field. Get me so riled up watching you.” He smirks. Resting his hand over his jeans.

You set your cup down, crossing your arms. “What are you doing, Garrick?”

“Gonna finish what I started.” He breathes. He stands up, seeing your eyes rush to the ground. He knows you don’t do too well under pressure. Attention on you makes you nervous. He closes the distance between the two of you and lifts your chin up with his fingers. “You’re so pretty.”

You laugh, rolling your eyes. “Quit bullshitting Kyle, I look like I’ve got too much eye black on.” You laugh. He smiles. “Oh come on. Give yourself a break. You took a fucking hit.”

He moves closer, grasping your thighs and lifting you up, you gasp out as he pushes you back into the wall, his hips pressed up against yours. “Took it like a fucking champ.” He breathes. You can feel how hard he is against you. Not being able to control yourself as you let out a whine as he attacks your neck. He ruts his hips into yours and you gasp out. “Oh fuck-“ you gasp. Clutching onto his shirt. “Gaz…” you breathe. “What if someone hears?” You’re breathless and he gets even harder at the sound of desperation in your voice. “Only others here are training newbies. Nobody will hear baby.” He lowers his head to the crook of your neck, attacking your skin with his lips and teeth. Drawing his tongue over your pulse. You let out a deep breath, feeling him smile into your skin. He steps to the side, and you latch onto him like he’s going to drop you. No longer using the wall as support.

“Relax.” He smiles. “M’not gonna drop you.” He laughs, moving to the edge of the bed and laying you down on it. “You think you can stay quiet for me?” He asks. You look up at him, cheeks blushing. You nod your head. “Good girl.” He lowers himself slightly. Grasping your thighs and pulling you to the edge of the small cot with ease. He can hear your heart thumping in your chest from where he’s at. He reaches for your pants. Despite doing nothing you had still at least put on your uniform. He unbuttons them, tugging them down your thighs. Noticing the way you clench your thighs together the moment you’re exposed. You swallow hard. Hearing him chuckle. “You have to trust me.” He takes in a deep breath. Pushing your thighs open slightly. You’ve still got panties on.

You gulp, and his expression changes. He’s not playful anymore, he sees something he wants and he’s going to take it.

He grasps the hem of them, pulling them down your legs and discarding them along with your pants. Moving himself closer. He’s on his knees on the ground, at the edge of the bed. He’s got you pulled right up to the edge of it. Pushing your legs open. You swallow hard, avoiding eye contact with him. A gasp leaves your lips as he kisses down your thigh, moving closer to where you’re exposed to him. “Remember.. try to stay quiet for me.” He looks up at you, seeing you nod your head. He can still hear your heart thumping in your chest. When he kisses your opening your hips jump slightly, but he doesn’t waste a second to draw his tongue up your slit. When he starts to flick his tongue over you, sucking at your clit, your thighs start to shake.

You realize the situation you’ve gotten yourself into.

You grip the sheets, teeth gritted behind tight lips.

“Oh fuck..” your voice is soft and it’s just above a whisper. Low enough to where only he could hear it. He smiles into you. Knowing you like it only eggs him on. He’s hard, throbbing in his jeans. He’s turned on and all he wants to do is bury himself into you. But he knows you’re not ready for that just yet. He needs to open you up first. He keeps lapping at your clit, circling your opening with one of his fingers.

He doesn’t give you too much time to adjust before he’s sliding one of them into you. A gasp gets caught in your throat at the intrusion, how good he’s making you feel. It’s overwhelming and you can already feel it building in your lower stomach.

It approaches slow until he adds a second finger, pumping them into you, still tonguing your clit. Your thighs shake and he can tell you’re getting close. Sending you spiraling right into that sweet release. “Kyle-“ you whine. He laughs at how much your voice has changed. Your apprehension is gone, all that’s left is want. And you fucking want it.

Just when he’s about to give it to you, he pulls away. He can see tears gather at your waterline, frustration clouds your eyes. “If I make you cum, you’ll be too sensitive baby. You’re not ready for it yet.” You nod your head, but you want more. He can tell you’re trying to be patient despite how bad you want it. He stands up and unbuckles his belt. You swallow hard. When he exposes himself to you, you realize it’s going to hurt compared to his fingers. “Relax. You’re ready.” He breathes, moving himself between your legs. He kisses you, teasing your clit with the tip of his cock. You whine into his lips. The thought of him filling you up is like a dream.

He gathers your arousal on his tip and lines himself up with your entrance, pushing into you slow. You take a deep breath. “O-oh god.” You hesitate. It stings as he glides between your walls, stretching you further than you’ve ever been stretched before. You clench your eyes closed, hissing as he moves deeper.

“It’s okay. You’re doing so good.” He breathes. “S-so good for me.”

The tightness of you around him makes him shudder. “Shit.” He whines. You’ve never heard him like this. “You feel so fucking good.” He shakes his head. He’s got his eyes closed too. You wrap your legs around him and force him deeper, his eyes widening. “Shit!” He breathes. “Please-“ you mewl.

“Fuck- I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Please just, fuck me.” You look up at him. Eyes full of need. He holds onto your thighs, “just.. try to stay quiet. M’gonna be kinda rough baby.” You nod your head.

He takes a couple slow, deep thrusts. Until you’re shivering. You want more and he’s going to give it to you.

He takes a hard thrust, watching your lips part. Your mouth opens slightly. He raises your hips, sliding a pillow underneath you. He angles your hips up perfectly and when he buries himself into you, he drives himself right into that spot inside of you. You clamp a hand over your own mouth and he can’t help but laugh. He seems to know exactly what it takes to make you feel good. He keeps his bruising pace, giving you exactly what you’ve asked for. Even when he notices tears streaming from your eyes, he keeps going. He pins your wrists above your head, pressing his lips to yours. His tongue moves against yours and he tugs your bottom lip between his teeth, and you’re almost a goner. You’re not going to last long.

Your skin is flushed and warm. Your eyes look up at him lazily, you’re in another world as he works his hips into yours. You’re relaxed now, desperate for that high you know is coming quick. You struggle to keep your eyes open, trying hard to stay still but your body twitches as you get closer. Your thighs shake slightly but he keeps them open. You’re milking his cock. Tight and wet around him. He can barely take it, his breathing is starting to get uneven and his thrusts are getting sloppy. You’re both right up to the brink. You prop yourself up onto your elbows, looking up at him. Your eyes are dark, that lustful gaze nearly sends him right into his orgasm. “Kyle…” you breathe. “Y-yeah?”

“Want you to cum in me.” You breathe, looking up at him through your eyelashes. “I want to know what it feels like..”

“Shit- you didn’t have to ask.” He pushes you back, resting a bit of his weight on you as he rocks his hips into you. “I’m so close.” You mewl. “I know baby. Can feel you tightening around me.” He growls.

It only takes a couple more thrusts and he can tell by the cry you let out behind your own hand that you’re right there. “That’s right sweetheart, give it to me.” He breathes. “I’m gonna cum too- gonna fill this pretty pussy.” He grits his teeth. You cry out, and he doesn’t care who hears. He can feel you throbbing around him. Last minute, he pushes one of your thighs up, sliding even deeper. He intensifies your orgasm and clamps a hand over your mouth so that nobody can hear your cries. He bites his lip hard as he cums, cock twitching, his body tensing up. It’s by far the hardest he’s ever cum, chills rising up his spine. He relaxes into you. Breathing heavy as he comes down his high. You can hear his heart beating hard in his chest, blush rising up your cheeks at what you’ve just done.

He pulls out of you, zeroing in on the way his filth spills back out of you. He has to fight himself from getting hard again, knowing you’re probably sore. He stands up, adjusting his jeans. He notices the way you get uncomfortable at him redressing himself, probably worried about him leaving. You sit up and make a move to go clean yourself up but he stops you, smiling. “You’re so fucking awkward and it’s so cute.” He laughs. You roll your eyes. He sits down next to you, pinching your chin and turning your head to make you kiss him.

“You gonna leave me hanging hm?” He smiles. “What do you mean?”

“I just.. I didn’t really want this to be a one time thing. You gonna leave me here alone?” He laughs. You look down. “No.. I.. I wouldn’t do that to you I just.. no I didn’t want it to be a one time thing either, I’m sorry if-“ he kisses you again. Gripping your shirt tight in his hands. “Relax sweetheart.” He toys with your collar. “You’re mine and I think I’ve made that clear, right babe?” He smiles. Seeing crimson creep up your cheeks. “Go get cleaned up, I’ll go grab an ice pack for your face yeah?” He breathes. “Maybe we can sneak off base and go get something other than MRE’s to eat.”

“Kyle Garrick you’ve won my heart.” You laugh. “You’re so picky.” He rolls his eyes.

“You said it yourself, MRE’s suck!”

He shakes his head at you, seeing you disappear into the bathroom. He hopes whatever this is, doesn’t end anytime soon.

[mobbu-min]

☆ bragging rights ☆

request: What if the dorm leaders had an s/o fawning over them and bragging about them to the first years and Grim?

a/n: They would all get tired of it quickly, well maybe not Sebek or Ortho. But Epel and Ace? They're def tried to tape your mouth shut. I ended up formatting this differently, but I like it so…yeah. Also each dorm leader will be paired with their corresponding first year! Just because it makes it easier for me lol Grim will be filling in for the dorms that don’t have first years! But he also got his own part bc he’s my little meow meow

!tw! cursing, readers a major simp

Grim <3

⋆ Being the one that’s with you the most, Grim has learned to tune you out when you go on a rant on how amazing and caring your favorite housewarden is. He learned first hand how sad or irritated you get when he tells you to be quiet. And he wasn’t about to face that again.

⋆ Grim’s a little jealous about how much you brag about them. He’s all like, ‘that should be me!’ but he quickly gets over it because you tend to give him a lot of affection while you go on your rants.

⋆ Does he gag every time you fawn over them? Yes, because the thought of his henchman having goo-goo eyes for them makes him sick.

⋆ The only reason why Grim hasn’t vomited on their shoes is because they tend to give you stuff, which translates to Grim getting stuff too. (his reasoning is that you’re both one student) So he is there on dates and hangouts a whole lot.

Riddle + Ace/Deuce <3

⋆ Ace is so so so sick of it. Like Grim, seeing you be all mushy with his dorm leader makes him want to pluck his eyes out. He’s all like, ‘C’mon! Riddle? That short fu-’ and Deuce has to stop him before you could jump him. Ace is truly confused in what you see in him. And he swears his ears bleed whenever you start on your rant about Riddle. He didn’t think anyone could be this down bad for someone, besides Sebek.

⋆ Deuce finds it admirable about how much you care about Riddle. Sure he does get a little annoyed when you decide to start talking about Riddle when you said you’d help him study or when you immediately dash towards Riddle when you’re supposed to be helping him with your alchemy assignment, but other than that he doesn’t really have anything against it. Just please, don’t go running off when you’re doing a very time-sensitive potion again. He does not want to deal with a giant radish baby again.

⋆ Riddle goes incredibly bashful when he overhears Ace complaining about your crush on him. He immediately wants to rush to you and confirm the truth, because he would be lying if he said he didn’t have a crush on you. It’s literally the best news in his life. Knowing that you liked him enough to blabber anyone’s ear off makes him blush. Boy is smitten.

Leona + Jack <3

⋆ He literally just tunes you out. Jack is too busy to pay any attention to your rambling, so he’ll let you trail behind him, but beware, he is not processing anything. At first, Jack’s all like, yeah Leona is super cool and wow you sure are observant, then ‘omg they just want to fuck him.’ he actualy does sit you down one day and says as much as he loves to see you happy, please stfu about Leona. But hey, at least his cacti are thriving.

⋆ Smug fucker. Super duper smug. There’s nothing stopping him from going up to you and demanding you never to stop. On any other occasion, Leona would have told them to stop being a suck up, but you’re different <3. Nobody really notices but like Ruggie and Rook(bc he’s a creep, jk i love my babygirl) but Leona has gotten significantly happier and sorta, kinda nicer(?) All Ruggie knows is that if Leona's in a bad mood is to get you asap!

Azul + Grim <3

⋆ Grim doesn’t get it. Like it’s Azul. The guy that tried to take Ramshackle away from you both? The guy that practically made you temporarily homeless!? Did you wack your head, henchman!? Grim swears he loses his already lacking brain cells whenever you start on your midnight rambles about Azul. The only thing that makes up for it is the fact you take him to the Monstro Lounge once a week to gaze lovingly at Azul. The food he loves. Azul? Grim thinks you should reconsider.

⋆ Dude deadass faints like a maiden seeing an ankle for the first time. He deadass can’t comprehend the fact that you talk so highly of him. Because he was sure that you hated him. Don’t get Azul wrong, he’s delighted to know that you want him the same way, but jeez, give his heart a break. His mind is doing loopies at all the ways he can get you to go on a date with him that doesn’t involve him turning into a big stuttering mess.

Kalim + Grim <3

⋆ This one? This one is one Grim can get behind. Sure Kalim is full of energy and always wants to feed Grim dry ass cookies. But do you want to know what Kalim has? Yeah, Kalim has money and he’s more than willing to spend it on you, and by extension, Grim. So he doesn’t complain much when you rant his fiery ear off everyday. Because if his plan goes right, then…well, let’s just say the first thing on Grim’s spending list is a month’s worth of premium tuna.

⋆ Kalim has to thank the Seven and Grim! Because if it wasn’t for them, he wouldn't have overheard you saying how great he was and how much you liked him! Boy is over the moon! Instantly he’s by your side smiling so brightly it puts the sun to shame and happily exclaims he loves you too! Que, him planning your wedding- Anyways, Kalim returns your enthusiasm ten fold! Like, how could he not?! You’re so perfect in Kalim’s eyes that it would be wrong not to talk about you 24/7! Poor Jamil, Kalim already was talking about you so much, but after that day, it doubled. He really does consider faking his death and going to live in the countryside.

Vil + Epel <3

⋆ Epel wants to strangle you. Like legit wishes that both sides of your pillow are warm at night and more. He can’t wrap his mind around that fact that you! Want VIL FUCKIN SCHOENHEIT! His WORST enemy! Boy feels hella betrayed. He thought you didn’t like him, only to find out you want to fu-ahem, Epel shouldn't say that outloud, Meemaw rules and all. Epel wonders if it’s something in the water you city folk drink, because he sure as hell gonna stay FAR away from that.

⋆ Your title goes from ‘Potato’ to ‘HIS sweet potato’ real fast. Because of course, you would brag and rant about him at any moment and to anyone. Vil overhears and all like ‘Oh, no please excuse my snooping…but please don’t let me stop you~’ Vil won’t tell you but when you were spending an ungodly amount of time with Rook, he was a little peeved(aka worried) But he’s quick to find out that you and Rook have just been building a shrine in the school's bathroom (just girly tings~) he is incredibly disturbed, but hey, at least Neige doesn’t have this dedicated fanbase.

Idia + Ortho <3

⋆ Sweet baby is so happy to hear you talk so highly and lovingly about his older brother! Orthos literally this \^o^/. He’s bringing you in a big hug and spilling all his brother’s secrets! He’s heard (seen all of Idia’s shoujo anime) and learned that miscommunication is a big leading factor to couples not getting together! And like hell, is he letting this opportunity slip by! Number one wing man, fr!

⋆ You know when cats get scared, they’ll jump up? Yeah, well that’s Idia when you come bursting in screaming ‘I LOVE YOU TOO, MY BABYGIRL !’ Everyone thinks a murder is happening but, it’s just Idia screaming. He knew that you were always talking about him and he was planning a super macho way to ask you out, it's just that his confidence he ordered off of amazon hadn’t gotten here in time. He’s both annoyed and grateful that Ortho spilled his secret, because he sure as hell wouldn’t have. Now all that’s left is to make sure to calm his red face before you notice.

Malleus + Sebek <3

⋆ Sebek at first is all like ‘WHAT'S YOUR MOTIVE, HUMAN!’ but after hearing the pure adoration in your voice, he’s immediately all like ‘I’VE MISS JUDGE YOU! YOU AREN’T AS AIRHEADED AS YOU APPEAR TO BE!!!’ (you can either choose to take it as a compliment or not-) Immediately, Sebek is inviting to his tri-weekly meetings to talk about the oh so great, waka-sama. Literally it’s just him, with a powerpoint about Malleus, and Silver, who’s slumped over in a corner. The first thing on his list is to give you the club member uniform, a white tee with malleus’s face and in comic sans, ‘Waka-Sama Forever!’ Sebek happily informs you, Lilia made it. Sebek is actually so happy to talk about Malleus with you, though he suspects after a few, ahem-unholy, comments from you, that your view on Mal is not the same as his. Nonetheless! Sebek happily listens to your rants.

⋆ Though, beware everyone else’s eardrum because you both don’t shut up. (silver is unsurprisingly not disturbed)

⋆ How do I put this?….Malleus is so fucking smug. So much smugger than anyone else on this list. Like his favorite human, no HIS Human, is talking so fondly about him, looking at him like he’s the sun and moon and the universe. Like how can he not be smug about it, but most of all, how can he not fall impossibly deeper in love with you? Like you might not know this, but Malleus talks about you the same way you talk about him. Him knowing this just causes him to feel like his crush on you can be a reality. You and him can be the future

[its-time-to-write]

in love with an idea

This is a very, very, v e r y minor study in the way that Jamie handles his sexuality, and the fact that sometimes it seems he thinks his only value comes from being sexy and playing football. And the fact that sometimes, one night stands are crap even if they feel good. It happens. Especially if you go home with someone wishing they were someone else. Anyway, I have another fic in the works, should be posted soon. I’ve been absent because I’m writing a long one that will never ever see the light of day because it is way too self indulgent. As if this next one isn’t going to be long and self indulgent as well. Thanks to all y’all who support my writing!! Those of you who leave comments/tags have my whole entire heart, and there is no such thing as too many comments. Special shoutout to @whimsical-roasting and @qquell bc you’re probably my biggest/most vocal supporters and I love you🥺🥺 Ok that’s enough words, enjoy the fic!

in love with an idea

Jamie feels like shit which is weird, because he doesn’t usually feel this way after hookups. He can tell you don’t notice because you just plop down on the locker room bench next to him and ask, “Did ya call your mum yet?” while grinning far too brightly. 

Jamie is going to throw up. You’re smiling at him and he’s going to throw up so he gets up and rushes out of the room without a word. He pretends that he left so fast that he didn’t see your grin fade. 

He’s headed to the pitch because that’s where he’s supposed to be anyway, but all he can think about is the fact that it should have been you in his bed last night. After all, it was your name that had been on the tip of his tongue all night. It was your face he kept thinking of, and your body he was imagining. 

The girl had left satisfied, knowing exactly what she had signed up for, but he still feels like he used her. It’s not her fault that he’s in love with you but took her home, and yet it feels bad anyway. He wonders why no one ever talks about the shitty side of one-night stands. He has a vague recollection of Roy saying something to that effect one time, but other than that, he’s in completely unfamiliar territory.

He throws himself into training with more vigor than usual, purposely running himself ragged. 

Meanwhile, you’re still on the bench looking stupefied. Isaac slides next to you in the spot Jamie vacated. 

He says, “You should probably check on him,” with his usual solemn gravitas so you nod and decide to do just that.

—

You don’t have time check on Jamie until after training. Ted has you running all around Nelson Road so you just barely catch Jamie in the parking lot. 

“Hey!” you call. “You alright?”

Jamie spins around, icon hat atop damp hair. “Yeah, sure, good, yeah!” he says, and now you’re absolutely positive that something’s wrong. You raise an eyebrow. 

“That totally sounds like something a completely alright person would say, but for some reason I don’t believe you. Is something wrong with your mum? Is that why you got all weird when I asked?”

“What?” Jamie says. “Oh. No. She’s good, yeah. She’s good. I did call her. Talked for a while, which was nice. Talked about this girl I like, actually.” 

The words are barely out of his mouth when Jamie wishes he could sink into the ground. Fuck his stupid rambling. 

“Oh?” you say, eyebrow still quirked. “That’s new.”

Jamie shrugs. “Yeah, it is,” he says and then his mouth betrays him once again as he continues, “I’m actually really nervous about talking to her.”

You laugh. That is utterly ridiculous, and you tell him so. “You’re Jamie fucking Tartt, Premier League footballer. People throw themselves at you every day and you eat all that attention up. Why is she so different? Hold on, are you blushing?” 

You laugh. He totally is, but he denies it. 

“Look,” he says. “She ain’t like a lot of people. She’s fucking…smart or some shit. Not that other people aren’t!” he continues, “But she’s just… different, like. She’s one of fucking… four people who are immune to my natural sexy glow.” 

The way Jamie says the word sexy is always interesting because he never used it comedically. It’s always inserted in some serious declaration of himself, as if that and football are the only points of value he believes he has. You wrinkle your nose. “How is that possible? No one is immune. Except maybe Roy. I heard he got his anti-Tartt vaccine boosted last week. Maybe it worked a little too well,” you say worriedly. 

“I dunno,” Jamie says. “She said she’s looking for someone smart and I don’t really think I fall in that category. All brawn on me, innit?”

He quirks a smile to mask this strange discomfort he has. You’re not used to seeing him anything less than confident. 

“Well Jaim,” you say after a beat, “as someone who is also looking for someone ‘smart,’ it really isn’t about IQ. It’s like… it’s like someone who actually talks to you and has interesting things to say. And is interested in learning, not just from me but from whoever and whatever. And someone who doesn’t talk down. Because, god,” you laugh, “I’ve been on so many dates that are just exhausting because all these smart people want to flex their knowledge instead of sharing it. It’s like a fucked-up power struggle. I never feel that way with you, y’know?”

Jamie tilts his head in a cocky go on type of way. 

There he is. 

You roll your eyes. “What I mean is, you actually listen to what I say and ask questions, and aren’t rude when I don’t understand something that comes easy to you. My corner kicks are getting better, by the way,” you interject. “Sunday evening practice is paying off.” Jamie comes over every Sunday evening to kick a ball around with you on the Richmond Green.

“Of course they are,” he grins. “Learning from the best, aren’t you?” You flip his hat off his head and catch it, returning his smile. 

“Just ask her out, Jaim. I’m sure it’ll be fine. And,” you add, “bring her round! Not enough footballer girlfriends around here.”

Jamie looks at you a moment, taking in the picture of you in Nelson Road’s parking lot, his cap on you head and a smile on your face that he made. 

“Right,” he says, then turns to walk to his car. He’s at the door when he turns and walks back. 

“Forgot something,” he says to your bemused expression. You point to his hat still on your head. 

“Nope,” he shakes his head. “That ain’t it. It’s you. You’re the girl. I talked to me mum about you because I think you’re fucking great. If I’m not your type, that’s alright, but fuck it, I just really fucking like you.”

He takes a step closer. “I’m going to kiss you, so now’s your chance to walk away.”

You don’t. 

You let him flip the icon hat backwards and cup your face in his hands, far more gently than you thought him capable of as he tips your head up to his. 

His lips are soft on yours, and you’re vaguely aware of the fact that Trent Crimm is walking by you, shooting furtive looks your way but you don’t care. 

“I think you’re fucking great too,” you reply when you finally come up for air. 

Jamie grins. “Wanna go on a proper date tonight? Been thinking about where I’d take you for ages. I can pick you up in an hour thirty.”

You smile. 

That sounds great. 

[issacballsac]

“Being Apart of The Sk8 Crew„

Just rewatched Sk8 the infinity and now I wish I had friends so ! Gn reader

Joe | “I wanna marry your abs!”

Y’all would meet your first time at S

Obviously you’d be amazed by his skating and even if u don’t like men he’s hot as hell bro don’t lie

One of two things happens

You A. Run up to him and ask abt his skating techniques and such

Or B. He actually walks up to you to talk about your skating(only if ur good ofc💀)

He’s such a dad

If you’re younger than him he’s constantly trying to sound smart/give you wisdom

Sometimes it’s solid advice the other times it’s pure nonsense

If you like to cook/want to learn he’ll happily teach you

If not he’ll settle for a new taste tester

He would def make jokes all the time

Some genuinely funny

He expects you to laugh at all of them even if it wasn’t funny

He’d appreciate it if you didn’t cock block him like everyone else

Despite being quick to take off his shirt he’s very fashionable and takes pride in his looks obviously

If you ever needed fashion advice best go to him!

He’s a pretty laid back guy so you wouldn’t get into arguments often

Would love to skate everywhere but he’s like…got a job and responsibilities so..

Still a great dad friend to have

Honestly would care and worry over you if you got into some dumb shit so don’t do anything stupid and he won’t worry

Joe for the win🗣️‼️

Cherry/Kaoru | A.I. Advancement

You’d meet when he paid a visit to Joe’s restaurant

Ofc you knew of him bc he’s popular but you never MET Kaoru

You def walked in on their date arguing

It was so awkward u were jus like:🧍‍♂️

“Is this a bad time time to visit you?”

“Hey! Kaoru this is [ ], the kid I was talking about.”

“What a peculiar child to willingly hang around you.”

“Whatever you say, Pinky.”

He’s kinda weird with his whole AI stuff but other than that a great friend

Makes snarky comments with you

Unless ur too nice to make snide remarks

Constantly complains abt the angle of your turns

Unironically would show up at your parent teacher conferences(if you’re still in the lower schooling ofc)

Would never admit it but he loves each of his friends and would be genuinely concerned if anything happened

Shadow | Petty Clown

Oh when y’all met you wanted to throw hands

I imagine something similar to his introduction with Reki

Bro straight up threw an explosive in your face???(smoke bomb maybe but still)

He may be petty but you’re pettier(is that even a word?💀)

You found out he worked at a flower shop bc lets be FR he doesn’t look much different outside of S

Lil arguments here lil threats there and you leave with a nice assortment of flowers

Bro side eyes you EVERYTIME y’all cross paths at S😭

After the whole gang is assembled y’all no longer act this way towards one another

Bros the only responsible adult of this group

He def did your makeup once and you broke out the next day💀

“Are you sure you know what you’re doin’?”

“Trust me, kid.”

“I don’t know why but I don’t.”

You try and help him with his relationship endeavors but it never works out😭

He’ll go to the gym with you if you don’t wanna go alone

Gym bros‼️🗣️

Miya | Catty Child

This fucker

Y’all are quite the duo

Annoying ass mfs whenever and wherever you go

If you have any sort of pet it’s his pet now

Bros the animal whisperer

He’d have to be interested in your skating for y’all to become friends

So pretend ur decent or even amazing; however big ur delusion allows itself to be🫡

He’s smart but would invite you somewhere under the premise of studying just to goof around

If he needs a second player for his game bro is gonna drag your ass so y’all can play

Goes shopping with you just to complain about how everything is ugly in the stores

“That’s not cute, who thought selling this was a good idea?”

“Bitch—if you’re going to be negative the whole time go home‼️”

Reki | Redheaded Menace

If you thought you + Miya was a devious duo just imagine you and Reki

Y’all would prob meet second after you and Joe met

Bc he works at a skate shop

And you need skating stuff(you can tell I’m not a skater💀)

If you’re just a good skater and don’t know actual science and shit behind it he’s constantly telling you about it like you care

You guys cruise around together for fun

He made your current board and you’ll never get another one that’s not from him

You teach him any and all tricks/skills you know

Probably took you to his house to give you your current board bc he was working on it in his house and you met all of his family

His mom is just happy he’s got some friends

You become besties with his mom

She gossips abt news and celebrities with you

Claims ur like her other child(forget the rest of them👺)

Makes you lunch bc she’s nice like that

You let him ramble abt stuff he’s interested in even if you aren’t listening fully

Would silently beg you to stay back with him during the hot spring scavenge bc he’s scared

Forces you to watch horror movies with him bc he gets scared and needs someone else with him

Bro would be elated the whole day if you called him cool

Snow/Langa | Canadian Curiosity

Omg he’s Canadian?😦 Seize him!

Obviously being involved with S you would’ve heard of Snow but Reki would’ve introduced y’all before the big news

Bro would shove him in your face as if he’s a shiny trophy(at the beginning ofc)

“This is Langa! New guy from my class apparently he’s interested in skating.”

“Sick—he’s so pale.”

“He’s from Canada.”

“Oh.”

Bro is so oblivious it’s crazy

You gotta like SPELL IT OUT for him if you’re ever alluding to smth

Langa stays hungry and would go out to eat with you anytime

You and Reki would def help him decorate his room bc it’s…bland

It’s not bad but there’s no personality

He tells you abt his favourite dishes back in Canada and y’all try and locate any places in Japan that might sell smth similar

If not you guys attempt to make it yourselves at his house

His mom walks in on y’all ruining the kitchen💀

“Langa I’m…home.”

“Hey, Mom.”

“Hey Langa’s Mom!”

Bro is a skating addict and will skate whenever and wherever

Wants to race you like at least twice every week

Loser pays for dinner

You help him with his reading and writing and if you didn’t already know he’d teach you English

[ghosts-bandwagon]

Yay request are open!!! How do we feel about a one shot where König constantly refers to the reader with German pert names without telling them what they mean? After a while they start to think König is making fun of them in German because whenever they confront him he gets all flustered. Maybe a fluffy ending where König confesses his feelings after the reader confronts him and asks what she did to make him make fun of her!

Ahhh this is so cute!! I love it!!! (tagging @konig-is-bbygrl bc könig is in fact bbygirl)

You were acting as a liaison between the 141 and KorTac in an attempt to get the two teams to cooperate on the field in the future. They chose you because you had good interpersonal skills, you followed orders well, and you met and exceeded expectations. That and you pulled the short straw. It was either that or send Ghost and that would’ve made matters worse, you love him but it’s the one department he lacks tact.

You were a little nervous, sure, but the team was pretty welcoming. Particularly the veiled giant, who you learned was König, he stuttered a bit at times and maybe spoke too fast when he got a little nervous or enthusiastic but you thought it was cute.

And then you’d get sent out together, and for a while you felt like you worked well together, communicated clearly and efficiently, and you were able to complete your missions with little to no incident. You’d fire off a joke or two over comms, exchange stories while waiting for evac in a safe house, you had a good thing going. But the more you got sent out together, the stranger his compliments became;

“Good shot, liebling.”

You laughed hesitantly at the compliment, it was a compliment, right?

“Keep your head low, schatz.”

You thanked him but the word turned over on your head over and over, was that an insult? It was at this moment you regretted taking French in college instead of German, you have yet to even see a French word in a context not involving food. When you met up at the RV point, the question has been sitting on your tongue for a while now, tainting the peaceful symbiosis you’ve created with König. You were in the safe house waiting for your next orders, he was sharpening his knives and you stood by the window. It was now or never.

“Hey, what do those words mean?” Your question cut the silence,

“Hm? Sorry?” He looked up at you from his seat at the table,

“It’s just, whenever you’ve told me something, you end the sentence with a word in German.” As soon as the words left your mouth, you watched his eyes widen for a split second before he quickly looked back down at the knife in his hands,

“Oh! Ah, well that, um, don’t worry about it, süße.” You’ve heard him stutter and occasionally trip on his words, but he was still direct with you. This was different, and it put a bad taste in your mouth. To add insult to injury, he’d used another word in German. He’s not… making fun of you, is he? It made your chest ache painfully, you suddenly felt like a fool for thinking you were actually getting along.

“Oh, ok, I guess.” You mumbled, turning your attention back to the window. The tension was palpable, you felt like you were drowning. You shook your head, focus, dumbass. This isn’t the time for that. It wasn’t too long after that, thank god, you got your orders and went to your posts. It all kept running in loop, all your interactions, all your jokes, all the laughs, all the quiet moments together, was he just being nice? Is he getting fed up with you but he doesn’t know how to tell you and he’s just casually adding insults to every sentence?? No, come on, that’s ridiculous.

“I’ve marked two soldiers on your path, maus.”

Did he just fucking call me a mouse?

Petty bastard. You clenched your jaw, the dread settling in your gut had quickly turned into anger. As soon as you were finished here, you’d pack your bags and head back to your boys, but not without giving the giant asshole a piece of your mind (and Price but that’s beside the point). The thing is though, you couldn’t wait until you were back at base. As soon as the chaos had died down and you met back up at the safe house, you let him have it,

“Good work out there, liebling.” König praised as you walked into the safe house, that was the final straw. You threw your gear on the table and leveled him with a glare, heart racing, adrenaline pumping through your system,

“Ya know, you’ve got some nerve, König.”

Not good.

“This entire time, I thought we were getting along really well and I don’t know what happened or what I did… I mean, fuck for a moment I…” the words died in your mouth, too scared to breathe life into them because then this confrontation would hurt all the more. You took a deep breath to calm your nerves,

“If I did something wrong, I’d rather you tell me instead of insulting me in a language you know I don’t understand.”

Oh fuck.

“Insult you? Schatz, never, I- they’re not insults, I would never.” His heart was pounding in his ears, hands becoming sweaty, his veil suddenly too warm,

“Then what are you saying, König? What do the words mean?”

Oh fuck.

“I-I can’t say…” His eyes were darting everywhere but yours,

“Either you tell me right now, or this is the last time I’ll ever work with you.”

Fuck.

“It’s- they’re not- scheiße- they’re not insults, liebling, they’re-” he sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose, “terms of endearment.” He said the last part so quietly, you almost didn’t hear him.

“Oh… well, that’s different. Why didn’t you say so when I asked the first time?” You walked to him, approaching him slowly, your tone significantly more gentle. His eyes flicked to yours for a split second before darting away again, and then it hit you. “Oh. I… think I understand now.”

But because König was so focused on looking away from you, he didn’t see the grin that split your face, or the blush that dusted your cheeks, or the beautiful sparkle in your eyes.

“I’m so sorry, lieb- sergeant, it’s incredibly out of line and horrifically inappropriate, please try to put it out of your mind. I don’t know what I was thinking, I was so rude-”

“König, hey, please stop for just a second.” He didn’t realize you were right in front of him and almost died of the fright, lest his humiliation take him first. You stood up on the tips of your toes and held the sides of his face, angling him to look at you, giving him no room for escape,

“What if I don’t what to put it out of my mind?”

“Schatz, what are you saying?” His voice was trembling ever so slightly, his large hands coming up to encompass yours,

“I’m saying, maybe you can keep calling me terms of endearment because maybe I’d like to do the same for you.”

“Are you sure?” He was breathless, his heart was a booming thunderstorm in his chest as his hands so delicately took yours held them. His thumbs stroking over the knuckles, already committing every scar and every bump to memory. He leaned down to rest his forehead against yours, lightheaded and dizzy in the most beautiful way possible.

“Never been more sure in my life.” Your smile was as blinding as the sun, and he’d never been more sure that everything in his life lead up to this exact moment. It didn’t matter that you were with the 141 and that eventually you had to go back, it didn’t matter that you were out in the field hunkered down in a safe house, nothing else mattered but you.

[wickjump]

Wick, i wanna hear your thoughts on horror x cross..I’m desperate to hear someone talk about them. Idc how crazy or how ooc it is. trust that I will eat it up like it’s a million dollar steak

OH MY GOD THNAK YOU SO MUCH VIBINGTOPAZ IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME ABOUT THEM WORDS CANT EXPLAIN HOW HAPPY OKAY HERE YOU TO HERES A BIG FAT HEADCANON DUMP. i never see them outside of bsp and don’t get me wrong i love the bsp but sometimes i just want these two on their own yk? this is a bit more fanon than my normal stuff btw but i try my best ok

okok here:

when cross first joined nm and his group he was terrified of horror. he was intimidated by everyone, but horror was the most visibly scary. like there was just no ignoring the fact that this guy killed people before like he ignored it with everyone else. so for a good long while he kept his distance, and it was horror who tried to reach out first after months of never talking despite living in the same building, eating at the same table, and working under the same guy.

it was very clear that talking to cross just at all scared the shit out of him, and since horror is in charge of the cooking, he decided hey why not, and started making foods that appealed to cross as a sort of peace offering. after a while, cross realized what horror’s intent was, and slowly started to come around. he even attempted to give horror food in return (a few of the chocolate bars he had squirreled away) which solidified them as allies and set the foundation for them to develop a further friendship and relationship.

food is their initial and primary love language because it was a medium they could both work with when they first started becoming friends—horror enjoyed being given and giving food purely because he HAS it, and he’s able to make sure he and those he loves are fed, and cross had cooked with undyne alongside his brother and knows the basics of it and enjoys it. cross is literally the only one allowed in the kitchen outside of horror and nightmare, partially bc horror loooovesss him and partially because he’s actually responsible. horror makes him brownies sometimes just because he can btw. or like those chocolate taco desserts? cross loves those so horror makes them. all the time. cross does not mind he likes it a lot actually it’s very sweet

horror and cross are the epitome of i would kill for you (horror) x i would die for you (cross). they’re both very very intense but in different ways and i love that for them. cross takes blows on the battlefield meanwhile horror attacks those on behalf of cross when the other hesitates or refuses to kill (which is all the time cross at heart is a pacifist).

i also feel like they’d be big on physical touch but maybe i’m just super lonely. they’re devoted in different ways and i like that for them. they seem like big ‘kiss on the hand’ people yk what i’m talking about. like the back of your hand kiss. that. i also think they’re one of those cringe ass couples who like. do the waist grabby from behind when they’re cooking or generally working. ew cringe romance (i would die for them). neck kisses too. and biting but that tips into suggestive territory. they’d be big on that though

oh hey angst time. horror feels guilty and somewhat disturbed whenever cross mentions alphys, because of his au’s alphys incident, and it’s the same with undyne. cross was very close with both of them, more so than horror ever was despite having been alphys’ coworker at one point (after all, alphys was cross’ sister), and he feels bad because like. cross speaks so highly of alphys and undyne, but horror tore apart alphys’ mind and undyne is literally the cause of his most visible scar. he feels guilt for what he did, and refuses to elaborate on his au’s alphys and undyne for the most part because he doesn’t want to fuck cross up with the knowledge of the things horror did, the things alphys did, the things undyne did. thankfully after getting the hint that horror did not like mentions of undyne, cross stopped mentioning his undyne pretty much entirely and speaks of alphys a little bit less, and they never really elaborated on that fully outside of choppy confessions during panic attacks.

meanwhile, cross doesn’t understand why horror never visits his au, or at least his brother. because horror is ABLE to, he has his au right there, but he just… never visits? none of his family, his friends? cross would kill and die for the chance to get his au back, but horror doesn’t care for his? horror feeds them and that’s it, he doesn’t remember the last time horror just took a break to visit his family. cross would sacrifice his own life for even a sliver of a chance of getting his family back. it’s not until he fully understands how horrifying horror’s au is that he doesn’t resent him as much for it.

their clashing views and experience are hard to look past, but in the end they love each other enough to empathize with each other and the situations they’d come from. horror has issues with remembering and articulating things from time to time combined with severe migraines, so cross helps him with those. horror meanwhile gets cross to sit the fuck down and take care of himself jesus christ man because what do you mean this asshole is INTENTIONALLY starving himself. fym “i feel like i haven’t earned it lol” sit the fuck down and eat this food i LOVINGLY PREPARED. GOD. they help each other w their issues and bad habits. cross works himself to near death? okay shut up i’m going to forcibly lift you up and carry you to your room and lock you inside until you go to sleep. horror throws up after eating because he can’t handle that much food? cross is there to help him through it. i like them a lot. they r there for each other through their highs and lows.

since i hate xchara exclusion i think xchara like absolutely fucking despises horror. not because he’s evil and mean and grrr to cross, but he just genuinely does not trust horror and cannot believe that he has any sort of good intentions. xchara sort of fueled cross’ doubt about him for a while, though as time moved on and horror didn’t seem to have any harmful ulterior motives, xchara toned down on the whole ‘he is going to kill you don’t blink around him or you will die’ talk. not entirely but you know. he’s always got the ‘i’ve got my eye on you’ look whenever horror is anywhere near them but horror doesn’t know that unfortunately. he doesn’t get the pseudo brother stamp of approval. horror’s brother likes cross a lot though, especially because cross is literally the exact opposite of lazy and unhealthy and encourages self care of others (not himself, the absolute loser). like out of anyone he could’ve ended up with, horror’s brother (creeps? crooks? sugar??) likes cross the best i think.

ok speed round: cross is the type to not notice when anyone is interested in him, just at all. most frustrating months of horror’s life really. horror packs little trail mix baggies for cross when he goes out on missions or patrol. this is just cause i think it’s cute. purring skeletons, i like purring skeletons it’s my favorite thing ever and i think they should get to purr together and lay down in bed for hours on end half asleep half awake just existing together. when cross saw his very first colored sunset horror was there and that definitely furthered the at the time small spark of romance. cross, bc he’s a swap, is much more of a superhero nerd than a science nerd like horror, and they bicker over whether or not they watch a documentary or action movie. i think they don’t bicker like killer and dust do, they bicker in like. the very clearly lighthearted and cutesy way that doesn’t last long. it’s more like banter actually. gags

ok that’s it (for now…..) because i don’t want this to be too-too long. i love them and i was so so so so SO excited when you asked me this omg. i love asks like these i cannot stress this enough. ask me whatever you want whenever you want and i will answer. if it doesn’t seem like i have, that’s because it’s in my drafts and being worked on because sometimes i’m unsure or have half finished thoughts i want to put the effort in fleshing out later bc y’all deserve headcanons that aren’t half baked. anyway i will literally never get tired of this it’s so fun

[rarityroo]

Hoi, may I please ask for Pomni with a fem porcelain ballerina doll reader who despite being physically fragile, still likes to do reckless things like fighting against NPC villains (and Jax if he's being too mean), or dancing too roughly. Even though by the end of it, she still ends up breaking off a limb or two, or another piece of her porcelain body, so she often times needs to be patched up and glued/taped back together by a concerned Pomni

Put me together again

Pomni x fem!porcelain!ballerina reader

Hey! I hope you like this, I tried to include a little bit of everything in the request and also I hope this isn’t too short! There’s also a lil bit of angst but dw it resolved bc Pomni is very supportive and loving. Please send in more requests they keep me motivated, Enjoy! 🫶🏻

You've always been on the wilder side, despite being physically so fragile you always loved being more active, whether you were sent off on an adventure by Caine or stopping Jax's antics. You just loved doing things, unfortunately being made of porcelain wasn't the best material to be made of when you were being adventurous but you didn't mind that much. You just say you’ll be careful and hope for the best, this was enough for you although for Pomni it just caused her to be extremely worried, you didn’t get why, it's not like you've gotten seriously hurt or anything, well until now.

"And you wonder why I worry," Pomni says in a tone that wavers between worried and frustrated, "It's not even that bad!" You say you gotta admit it is kinda bad, "I still got two other limbs don't I?" You knew you were pushing it but you couldn't help but feel the rush of adrenaline every time you did something reckless. Despite Pomni's concerns, you found joy in the thrill of the moment. Pomni sighed, her eyes filled with worry as she scanned over your damaged porcelain body. "You need to be more careful. You're not like the others. You can't just shrug off injuries as easy as they can, you're fragile." God, you hated that word fragile, to be called that felt like an insult, you knew Pomni would never but still it felt so disrespectful. You pouted, about to cross your arms with a huff but you only had an arm and a leg, maybe this was serious. "But where's the fun in playing it safe all the time? I want to experience things, even if it means risking a few chips and cracks, there's barely anything to do here it's like a prison! The fact that Caine lets us go on adventures keeps me sane!"

Pomni shook her head, her expression softening. "I understand, but I can't help but worry about you. You're- you're very special to me, and I don't want to see you get hurt."

You shifted uncomfortably, feeling a pang of guilt at Pomni's genuine concern. She was right; you were different, you hated it but you were and your porcelain body made you more vulnerable than others. "I appreciate your concern, Pomni," you murmured, your voice softer now. "And I'm sorry for making you worry. I just... I can't help myself sometimes. The thrill, the excitement... it's addictive."

Pomni nods with understanding, her eyes holding compassion. "I know. And I don't want to stifle your spirit. It's one of the things I love about you But please, try to be more aware of your limitations. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you."

You reached out, your remaining hand trembling slightly as you gently touched Pomni's arm. "I promise, Pomni. I'll try to be more careful. For you." Pomni smiled, her expression filled with warmth. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."

As Pomni began the process of repairing your damaged body, being so gentle with you, it didn't feel patronizing or out of pity it was just pure love, As Pomni delicately began repairing your damaged porcelain body, her touch was gentle and caring, each delicate movement, she seemed to mend not only your physical cracks and chips but also the doubts and fears in your heart. It was as if her presence alone could soothe the restless spirit within you.

"Pomni," you whispered, your voice filled with emotion as you looked into her shimmering eyes. "I... I don't say this enough, but I... I love you. Not just for what you do for me, but for who you are. You're my anchor in all this, and I don't know what I'd do without you." Pomni's expression softened even further, her eyes reflecting the depth of her feelings. "... I love you too," she confessed, her voice barely more than a whisper.

In that tender moment, you felt a sense of peace wash over you. No matter how many times you fell apart Pomni was always there to put you together again.

Maybe it was time to reconsider your approach to adventure, but that didn't matter right now. After all, with Pomni by your side, you could only see her.

[jazminrhode1]

Hey babeee, can u do one where chris asks his crushhhh to prom? Love your writing please never stop bc I fucking love iiiit ;P

Better Late Than Never Chris Sturniolo x Reader One Shot

Summary: Chris confesses his feelings for you at prom.

Word Count: 1618 words

Chris always had a lot of bravado. He could have fooled you into thinking he didn’t give two fucks and that was a part of his charm - it also drove you fucking crazy. He wore chaos like an armour to hide his vulnerability but, every now and then you got to see the softer side of him.

You had met Chris is freshman year when you were paired together for a science project. You both failed because he did nothing, but he made you laugh the whole semester. 

From time to time, you would catch him looking your way and diverting his eyes when he saw that you noticed. He always sat next to you because he wanted to “copy your answers” but, as the years went on, you weren’t convinced.

When he was in a bad mood he would slump down in his seat and rest his head on your shoulder. When he was in a good mood, he would do whatever he could to make you laugh.

Your friends always thought that you and Chris would get together. They always talked about you both being high school sweethearts but, Chris never seemed to make a move. He seemed to always leave you hanging but, you never took it personally. You didn’t think it was intentional.

One afternoon in a freshman year math class, rumors were spreading around the school that you were dating some kid from the hockey team. The first thing that Chris said to you was “I fucking hate that kid.” You shrugged it off. You didn’t even know the guy but, it made you feel good that it made Chris jealous.

As you sat in the back of your English class or front row in Spanish, the teachers would ask repeatedly for you both to stop talking but, it never worked. Going into you senior year you felt like he knew everything about and you knew everything about him too.

Senior year felt different from the very first day. The cliques were changing, your group of friends got smaller and Chris started sitting with Nate.

You tried not to think too much of it, it’s not like the seat beside you was assigned to Chris but, you missed the jokes he made under his breath and the snacks that he snuck into class. Most of all, you missed him.

After 2 years you could finally admit to yourself that maybe you did like him… Really like him and maybe now he didn’t like you back.

The first semester came and went and you spent more time with Nick than you did with Chris. The gazes were few and far between and the jokes became crueler. Nick tried to convince you that it was because he had a crush on you but, you had a hard time believing that.

As your Senior Prom got closer and closer, you were beginning to think that no one would ask. A couple of your friends were going alone and you were happy to tag along. Who remembers their senior prom anyway? You, that’s who.

Matt has asked your friend Amelia and Nick was going with his latest fling - some boy called Jake from your home room. From what you’d heard, Chris hadn’t asked anyone nor was he planning to. He had announced one lunchtime that promposals were “stupid” and that prom itself was “fucking lame”. You didn’t know if he was trying to be the big man or if he actually believed what he was saying but, it made your heart sink a little.

After almost a year of not speaking more than 5 words to Chris at a time, he flagged you down in the hallway. Was he going to ask you to prom? Your heart started racing.

“Do you have those math notes?” he said casually.

Your heart dropped as you shook your heard. “Fuck” he responsed.

“Not you…” he clarified. “Oh yeah, I got that” you replied.

He stood there awkwardly for a second too long before he turned on his heels to walk away.

“Hey, are you not going to prom?” you blurted out, feeling stupid.

He turned back around slowed and leaned up against the locker. “I mean, I’ll probably go…” he started, “don’t wanna miss out on my James Bond moment.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. He had a way about him that made you feel at ease. He was killing you. All you wanted was for him to pull out a poster in front of everyone in the hall and ask you to do your first and last senior prom.

“Well...” you started. “Did you wanna go?” he asked seemingly out of nowhere, “with me, I mean?”

You felt the blood rush to your cheeks. “Oh. Yeah. Sure” you stammered. You could feel the goofiest smile spread across your face and tried your best to hide it. “Cool” was all he said before he walked away. 

On the day of the prom, Chris still hadn’t ‘promposed’ to you. You knew you shouldn't have gotten your hopes up but, you also knew that he knew how much that would have meant to you.

All of your friends were getting ready at your house blasting Taylor Swift as your mom helped everyone with their hair. You chose a light blue dress because you knew it was Chris’ favourite colour and found the perfect tie to match it.

As it got closer to 5 pm butterflies began to swarm in your stomach. This could be the start of something and you were not at all prepared for what that could be.

The doorbell rang 30 minutes later when the boys arrived. They had pulled up in a limo that was going to take you to the prom. Your friends rushed downstairs while you tried to tidy up a little. “Go have fun, sweetheart,” your Mom said as she admired you in your dress.

When you went downstairs, everyone had gone outside to take their pictures. Chris waiting for you, leaning against the balustrade. He turned around when he heard you coming down the stairs. He looked real fucking good in a tux. This was his James Bond moment.

His mouth hung open as he looked you up and down. You thought it was safe to assume that he liked your dress. As you stopped in front of him, you noticed that he was holding something behind his back.

“Hi,” you said awkwardly. “Hi,” he replied with a grin on his face.

He took a step back and pulled a cardboard sign out from behind him that read ‘BETTER LATE THAN NEVER… WILL YOU PLEASE GO TO THE PROM WITH ME?’ Very on brand for Christopher Sturniolo.

You couldn’t help but laugh as he pulled you into a hug. “I’m sorry I didn’t do something more elaborate,” he said.

“This was perfect,” you laughed, “I didn’t need anything.” You meant that. You didn't need anything more than this but, your heart skipped a beat knowing that he did this for you. He did this because he knew it was important to you.

That reminded him that he has gotten you a corsage. He grabbed the corsage from the entry table and slid it onto your write.

“It matches the dress,” he observed. You weren’t sure if he was talking to you or congratulating himself. Probably the latter.

“Should we go outside?” you asked, keen to join the rest of the group.

“In a minute,” he said, checking to see no one was around.

You were confused. He had barely spoken to you for almost a year and now he wanted to have a conversation? Chaotic Chris was back at it again!

He folded his arms across his chest as he tried to figure out what he was going to say. You waited awkwardly hoping this moment would be over soon.

“Y/n…” he started. You waited... And waited.

“I don’t know how to say this…” he continued, “I think I’ve spent a lot of time confusing the heck out of myself and sending mixed signals and trying to figure out what’s going on in your heard… in my head…”

He was making no sense. He was driving a train of thought with no direction and you were beginning to think that he might never get to the point… Until he did.

“I have liked you since freshman year. I have spent years trying not to because you are one of my best friends and I don’t ever want to lose but, I really, really like you y/n and I just wanted you to know that” he said.

You were stunned. Shocked. He said everything that you wanted him to say and still, you didn’t know what to do. You hadn't planned for this part.

“It’s ok if you don’t…” before he could finish his sentence your lips were on his, your arms around his neck, his hands on your waist.

You were the first to pull away and gaze up into his eyes. “I hope that was ok” you asked.

His arms snaked around your waist as a smile spread across his face. He pulled you back in and planted another kiss on your lips. This time it felt like a couple reuniting after years and years apart. It felt natural and passionate and was more than you would have hoped it would be.

When you went out into the backyard hand in hand your best friends squealed in excitement. “Finally!” Nick said as he pulled you both into the picture.

Your Mom had always told you that ‘good things take time’ but, no amount of time could have prepared you for this.  

[m4rs-ex3]

people always make silly little lists of characters' crimes which i love but i'm gonna do smth a lillllll different

tdp character trauma log 🫶✨

callum

lost his father at a Baby age (the perfect age actually; young enough to be very emotional and impressionable but old enough to have to process it)

was thrown into a drastically different + high-key terrifying environment at Baby Age

lost his mother--his comfort person, his only connection to his og life (besides amaya), and also just an amazing individual--leaving him alone in said environment

was constantly belittled for being bad at the thing he never asked to be

lost his stepfather aka his only parent left and experienced an array of regret over what he didn't do while harrow was alive

almost watched his little brother down/freeze to death

was betrayed by his childhood friend

endured a severe dark magic sickness + traumatizing fever dream

almost choked to death

watched his whole world jump off of the highest point in the world

almost died plummeting off of the highest point in the world

was abandoned by Love of His Life for several depressed years

was literally fucking possessed

was taxed with the decision between becoming a vessel for the most dangerous individual in the world to destroy everything and hurt everyone he loves OR essentially ending his life (a conclusion he himself had to come to)

was under the impression that Love of His Life was dead (and he never got to tell her what he wanted to)

almost died pt 3

almost died pt 4-5

bound and brutally beaten + electrocuted (?)

watched the most important person in the world to him mercilessly tortured within an inch of her life

almost lost her AGAIN and had to destroy his entire moral compass in order to save her

tortured

almost died 6: choked pt 2

rayla

where do i begin

well first off grew up in the silvergrove and hey moonshadow elves i love ya but oh dear god -promotes "strength" and stoicism over discussing your feelings and admitting to your weaknesses -so bound (literally) by duty and oaths that faltering results in either being good as dead or dead as dead -ETC

equipped with a debilitating phobia of water--a fear most would see as bizarre and silly and exceptionally irrational--in a culture that as previously mentioned shuns fear to all hell

was left by her parents and (despite them having a perfectly good reason) never really healed

almost drowned which was not helped by the phobia

almost ravaged by an ancient vampire

an ASSASSIN who has to KILL PEOPLE but is a WHOLESOME SWEETHEART

haunted by her "constant" mistakes; her strengths get wholly overshadowed by her weaknesses

told by the father figure she revered that she is a stupid baby useless idiot (roughly)

was flatly told by Father Figure he expected to kill her (to which she's just like "fr prolly" good god girl you are fucked)

had to not only sit and listen to, but conform to horrid stereotypes she's been haunted by since she was a kid

nearly slowly lost a hand (and just straight up accepted like ik this isn't the point but i feel the need to address when she does some insanely broken shit)

saw a person wither to dust before her eyes i feel like we forget about this

almost died like pt 4 ish i literally cannot keep track what counts and whats too minor a near death experience and why do i have to ask these questions

watched the love of her life (shut up harry styles) suffocate in his sleep in her arms

almost died pt 5-8 ?

i once again don't even know where to begin this time with her ghosting. linking this post again but tldr she didn't do anything wrong, she believed she did, her society not only confirmed these suspicions but god they pinned her with so much more, and she was told that actually no and what the fuck is she supposed to do with that u just told her everything she knows is wrong and that she actually has worth and she is not keen on that mindset

almost died 9? i include this one bc soulfangs are terrifying

cooly came to the conclusion that she deserved to die for her parents mistakes (and fully intended on doing so)

almost died jumping off the highest point in the world

suffered from persistent nightmares

almost drowned (the phobia once again did not help)

was nearly killed by the dead former co-workers she feels responsible for killing

forced herself to leave behind Love of Her Life and if you don't think that was the hardest fucking thing in the world for her

spent two, miserable years alone, getting beaten down again and again (mentally and physically,) plagued by her vendetta, haunted by all she lost, never knowing comfort, never knowing love, and probably so much worse that we don't even know woohoo!

thought that, after years of painful wondering, the parents she desperately wanted back were killed right in front of her

almost died pt who even fucking knows

almost died

almost died

almost died

almost died

almost died

was absolutely fucking brutally tortured (within an inch of her life) 😚✌🌸✨✨

almost died horrendously (she rlly couldnt catch a break that day)

had to choose between pushing her trauma to the absolute limit or hating herself for not protecting her friends

almost died

ez

motherless

couldn't make friends (for a reason no one would believe)

that's why yo [daddy] dead. dead as hell. what shoes [he] got on what shoes [he] got on in [his] casket

almost drowned/froze

had the pressure of surviving as an orphan ANDD being a fucking king forced upon him at the same time

felt responsible for thousands of lives

was imprisoned

was almost motherfucking impaled by scary adult

all that? yea he was like 10

therefore

grew up weird like his brother and rayla

probably almost died a lot of times

imprisoned again & was threatened and bared witness to his brother + his closest friend tortured (+ almost murdered)

almost murdered by someone he once trusted

prolly a lot more idk i was gonna include soren n claudia but i am so fucking exhausted THESE KIDS ARE SO FUCKED OML 😭😭

[cupid-styles]

WEED/INTOX CONCEPTS IM SO UP !!!!!!

soft plug!h x sunshine reader who buys from him and he has a huge crush on her but shes a little oblivious and he always tries to be extra nice to her and give her more than she paid for in hopes of her talking to him more and maybe one night she buys from him and invites him to stay and maybe smoke w her bc its raining and she feels bad she made him come all the way to her house and they smoke and he cant stop staring at her and its very fluffy and cute

i love down bad plugrry

thoughts?? :D

AWWWW that's so cute :(((( I love the thought of him being a softie!! I actually started writing a plug!y/n blurb awhile ago and I just never finished it, but it was kind of like this where she was just the soft plug instead of him BUT he was still super down bad for her </3333

I'm not sure if the completed blurb will ever see the light of day but here's a little bit of it under the cut!

CWs: weed (obviously) lol

word count: 414

Harry doesn’t actually need any weed.

However, this doesn’t stop him from texting the cute girl who sells nuggets of weed and bundles of shrooms in adorable pastel pink baggies. He met Y/N through friends a few months back — she was roommates with Lena in college and apparently had a knack for making edibles that got you to a smooth high without completely melting your brain. The second she introduced herself to him, with her bright smile and sweet voice, Harry was hooked. 

Stupidly, ridiculously hooked. 

The thing is, Harry doesn’t even like weed that much. He’ll smoke at parties every now and then, but it’s usually just one or two hits from a friend’s joint before he returns to drinking whatever tequila-based cocktail he’s palming in his hand. But she’s so sweet, and cute, and she keeps her drugs in a canvas tote bag that says “support your local public library.” How was Harry not supposed to fall for her?

And yeah, he bought some pre-rolled joints from her a week and a half ago at Mitch and Sarah’s housewarming party — his heart nearly collapsed to his stomach when he saw the adorable strawberry rolling papers she used — but he misses her. It’s dumb, considering they barely know one another, but it’s a Wednesday evening and he can’t stop thinking about the warm scent of her perfume and the pretty, flushed hue of her lips. 

So, he texts her.

Their entire text thread is filled with Harry being stupidly obvious about his feelings for her, thinly veiled by requests for deliveries and pick-ups. Tonight is no different: Hey Y/N, hope you’re having a good week :) do you think I can come pick up tonight?

She replies almost immediately as Harry drums his fingers nervously on his thigh. His stomach dips when he reads her response. Of course!!!!! :) come by whenever ur free ! 

He swallows tightly when she follows it up with another message: also im making veggie pasta if u haven’t eaten dinner yet! I made too much and it never reheats well! you’re more than welcome to it if u’d like :))))

Typically when he buys weed from her, their interactions are far too short for his liking. They engage in friendly small talk and she giggles at whatever bad jokes he makes, but they’ve never actually hung out one-on-one. The thought makes Harry prickle with nerves, but he knows he’d be foolish not to take her up on her offer.

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 37

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. Fade to Black by @yokohogawa

Things between Keith and Lance are changing but Keith is restless, especially with Shiro still weak, and ends up taking a bad decision: he leaves Lance alone in the Castle with a Lion he cannot pilot. Unable to form Voltron without the newly appointed Red Paladin, the four Paladins left struggle against the sudden attack of a Galra ship and later on take damage from the explosion of a star in close proximity. Lance, on the other end, is left to defend the Castle by himself and has little time to succeed: without energy, the Lions have only 6 hours of breathable air. Beyond that point, his friends will be dead.

okay yes technically this series is unfinished. HOWEVER the first two works ARE finished, and they are amazing showstopping incredible etc. tbh im not much of a black paladin lance fan, i genuinely think solo leadership is not what he is suited for, but this fic made me way more open to it. the way he handled severe crises was as fear stricken as it was awe inspiring highly recommend

2. once again i am a child by @lilaclavenders

“You’re not a spare tyre,” Adam interjects.  “I know that,” Lance says, too unsure to sound completely defensive.   “That almost sounded like a question.” “No... it didn’t,” Lance says.

Lance and Adam talk.

i have always been a fan of lance and adam even tho its the most evidence lacking fanon thing in this fandom. its truly just so interesting. and to have lance as a young cadet getting slammed so badly just in so many different directions being given at least one grownup in his corner...its a good read.

3. Lance the language man by @irish-vampire-blog

Lance didn't really try to learn a language. He just, kind of, picks up the basics and then works from there. Its usually unintentional. Ish.

He isn't stupid though. He isn't an idiot. He just isn't the same kind of smart as his friends are.

this kind of smart for lance is so REAL bc no he cannot do like quantum physics or whatever probably but the way he seems to have a pretty innate ability to successfully do many things that he tries. he just can u know?? thats the autism with the gay audacity i would imagine but i love seeing fics like this

4. my boyfriend's back (and you're gonna get in trouble) by teacupfulofbrains

hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back

Keith Kogane has never heard of Vine. Lance McClain takes personal offense to this, and makes it his personal mission to teach his boyfriend to meme. Keith is confused, mostly.

(OR: several instances of Keith not getting the meme™ and two times he did)

I LOVE THIS FIC SO BAD I CANT BELIEVE I HAVENT RECCED IT BEFORE. yes i am a cringe zillenial who still finds vine funny and quotes it on the internet but truly idc idc. this fic is funny. this fic is cute. established klance my love and light. also keith comparing lances eyes to the star of bombay is some of the gayest shit ever and also the only time i will entertain blue eyed lance

5. The Most Dangerous Thing is to Love by running_downn

Last time something like this happened to Lance, Keith wasn’t there. He’d thought he would have been able to do something if he had been there, or at least if he was, the guilt wouldn’t be so heavy on his chest. But this time he was there. He was right fucking there and he decided that it was infinitly worse.

~

Basically there's a new threat after the Galra and it almost kills Lance. Desperate making out ensues, but it's okay to recognize when it's not the right time for it. Keith cries a lot cause he's older and grizzled and therefore not as emotionally stunted.

green sock reality? team still out fighting as adults and lance isn’t a fucking farmer while the rest of the team isn’t? keith’s abandonment issues treated with respect and dignity and also the acknowledgement that he’s older and therefore mature enough to handle those issues in a way that doesn’t risk a relationship that is important to him? lance understanding all this and using the supportive nature he is known for??? yes yes yes. stellar fic that should have way more hits than it does

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[vainvenus]

hey freaky ppl. my request is really simple bc i need to recover from this angst fic i read of sejanus LMAO

so i was thinking of peacekeeper sej and covey reader, but the way they meet is completely different. he would catch the reader sneaking off over the fence with a bag of supplies.

i’m thinking that someone at the covey had gotten ill and the reader was met with the task of gathering herbs needed outside of the fence.

i feel like sej would first be what any other peacekeeper would be and follow and be like “wtf are u doin” but then like he’d understand and let her keep running off into the woods and meadow. IDK I THINK THIS IS CUTE

⌲;꒰ Fence girl. ꒱

Pairing :: Peacekeepers!Sejanus x Fem!Reader

Synopsis - Sejanus catches someone sneaking over the fence and tries to do his job ( he doesn't).

Includings :: Covey member!reader, sejanus hating his job AND being bad at his job, he has a soft spot for (everything) reader, horrible first impressions, mostly fluff, this is kinda short

An :: Sorry this took so long...jumping from fandom to fandom is NOT for the weak

Sejanus never truly wanted to be a peacekeeper, yes he wanted to help people but obviously not in this kind of way.

Peacekeepers were often cruel and stern, they stood their ground for what they stood for and their morals were aligned in a way that didn't quite align with Sejanus's.

But it was far too late to turn back, he already was at twelve and already buzzed his curls so he was stuck here with a job he hated. Not much could be done.

And Sejanus did try to do his job, he tried to be like his friend Coriolanus who was stern and took the job very seriously but of course, there were times where he struggled.

Like right now, he was frozen with confusion as he watched a girl with [h/c] hair scaling one of the fences. She had a dark brown bag around her shoulder. His brows furrowed even more as he wondered what was she doing.

But then he had to remember his job and how what the girl was doing was very much something he had to report.

No one was allowed beyond the fences because one, it was seen as dangerous because they were made to keep wild animals.

And two, it was seen as rebellious since at some point if anyone was able to get far enough they could leave the district and start their own life far far away from all of this mess.

Sejanus looked around, slight panic wavering in his eyes as he realized he was the only one who had noticed the girl climbing up and over the wall. She was almost out of his sight, her dark green skirt blending in with the scenery.

He cursed under his breath as he started to climb up the fence, hopping over it and looking in the direction of the girl. She seemed to be in a rush as she looked around the field.

"Excuse me! You know you're not allowed to be here, right?"

His voice seemed to have startled her as she jumped a bit, she looked him up and down quickly. She clenched the brown bag as he eyes glanced to the gun he was holding and he saw how she tensed up, her eyes growing wide.

She looked scared– no, terrified. Like a rabbit behind hunted by a fox.

That was another thing Sejanus hated about being a peacekeeper, no matter what he was always going to be feared because of that stupid uniform and the firearms they had to wield while on patrol.

It didn't matter how gentle he was as long as he was in uniform.

"Please...don't hurt me."

"Hurt you? I..I wasn't gonna- look, you're not allowed to be past that fence. I won't report you or anything, I swear. But you could get hurt or lost-"

"I know where I'm going." She had cut his worried rambling short, grip tightening on her bag.

His brows furrowed in slight curiosity. "And just where is that?"

"There's a few herbs down from here near a river." She replied. "I need to get them for a friend of mine...she's sick and we can't exactly afford medicine at the moment." She murmured the last bit but loud enough for Sejanus to frown.

He knew he shouldn't. He knew he should have done his job and escorted her back over the fence.

But of course Sejanus's heart always won over his brain so before he could even stop himself he had said;

"Alright. You can go."

A warm smile had spread onto the features of the girl in front of him, her eyes glistening with hope as she uttered; "Really?"

Sejanus nodded, looking over his shoulder just to be safe. "Yes, really. But, I have to walk with you and you need to make it as quick as possible."

"Deal! I'll be quicker than two shakes of a lamb's tail." She giggled and Sejanus couldn't help but smile as he followed beside her.

As they walked, Sejanus took small glanced over at her. Her sense of style didn't seem to fit twelve, everybody remotely dressed the same with mostly dull colors or neutral tones but she had a much more lively pallette with splashes of red, orange and yellow.

"Starings rude, you know."

He quickly looked away, pressing his lips together in a thin line as she had cracked another smile before laughing and playfully hitting his arm.

"I'm just playing around! Jeez, for a peacekeeper you sure are sheepish." She hummed as she looked up at him and he glanced back over at her.

"Yeah, I'm horrible at my job I know."

"I'm not complaining, just glad I got one of the good ones." She smiled before she realized they were near the river and she crouched down near one of the nearby trees.

Sejanus watched as she pulled out a small jar and began picking dark purple berries, careful placing them into the jar. He tilted his head a bit while he watched her like a curious child.

"Elderberries." She spoke and his brows knitted together before she continued to explain. "Help with the immune system. We crush em' and brew em' into a real sweet tea."

Sejanus nodded as he knelt down. "Can I help?"

"You really are different, hm?" She tilted your head up at him, giving a teasing smile. "Kind, thoughtful and helpful? Are you sure you picked the right job?" She asked as she handed him one of the small jars and he shook his head.

"I wanted to be a medic." He said as he carefully picked the berries, putting them into the jar and the girl beside him hummed in amusement.

"That's surprising. What made you change your mind?"

"A friend. I'm only here because of him, oh and a little bit of rule breaking back home.." He sheepishly admitted and she giggled, standing up.

"Well you are just full of surprises, huh?"

Sejanus shrugged with a smile as he placed the jar carefully into her bag. "Guess I am."

As the two had walked back to the fence, Sejanus had picked a perfect spot where there was no one on patrol at the moment. It was like she had never even went over the wall.

He helped her over it, giving her a small boost up before climbing over it himself and he dusted off his uniform as he placed her bag back in her hands and she hummed a 'thank you' as she put it back over her shoulder.

"Y'know, I hope we meet again. Under better circumstances, of course."

"Me too- wait, I never caught your name."

She giggled, turning on her heel. "I never threw it!"

|★|

It had been a couple of weeks since his run-in with that [h/c] haired girl. Weeks since and he hadn't seen her again, he hoped that meant that her friend had gotten well enough that she didn't have to sneak over the fence again.

He was still thinking about her as he sat with Coriolanus, sitting at one of the tables as he was watching Lucy Gray perform. He was never as wowed, mainly because unlike those in the capitol he grew to already appreciate music.

"Whoops! Coming through, Blondie!" A familiar voice giggled as a girl with [h/c] haired brushed past the two to set some drinks off at the table next to them and Sejanus's eyes widened.

The fence girl.

He immediately stood up and walked over to her and as soon as she had turned to face him her face broke into a smile which he copied.

"You again!"

"Me again."

She gave him a skeptical gaze yet there was a playful smile on his face. "Are you stalking me?"

"Yeah. And it was just so hard because you never tossed me your name." He sighed like a damsel in distress, shaking his head.

She had giggled, holding out her hand. "[Y/n]."

He shook it, keeping a gentle yet firm grasp on it. He thought that maybe being a peacekeeper wasn't all too bad now.

"Sejanus."