#bc i for one love people who hate one specific thing intensely

[halfricanloveyou]

i think we should make ‘be normal to people who don’t like whatever piece of media or art you’re obsessed with’ into a normalized concept.

i think we should go even further and be normal to like…people who HATE what you’re obsessed with instead of vague blogging about them. even if they only hate it based on a surface level and don’t wanna give it a chance.

it’s always ‘let people like things as much as they want’ but for some reason ‘let people dislike things as much as they want’ is unforgivable.

[etoilesbienne]

out of curiosity, what are the common qEtoiles mischaracterizations, and the accurate characterizations you wished people used more? Sincerely, an English speaking fan who is re-learning French!

honestly i kind of consider it a mischaracterization when people like... make etoiles into this team leader who always knows what to do and move things forward. or like that he has a bad attitude to like... match his fighting skills. or like the dark knight brooding warrior. he says he is these things. these are lies. he lies about himself constantly. i wouldnt trust a good 2/3 of the things he says about himself to be true. you read him clearer through his actions than his statements.

in my opinion etoiles is more like. sturdy second in command. he's not there to lead, he's there to fill in the holes where they pop up. he's there as cover. he's quick witted in shortchange scenarios, but that is so not the same thing as a genuine strategist. in another expression, if someone is a leader, the leader is a doctor, etoiles's role is more like... the EMS team in an ambulance. He's not there to fix your problem, he's there to keep your problem covered until you can get someone else to fully fix it. but that doesn't mean his role is any less important when he's needed.

Etoiles is also, like, so very much a team player if he respects and trusts a person. And it is so easy to have his respect and trust. His trust starts at 100% for everyone. he's also so very very very good at reading people (gesture to the bbh clip where bbh moves his mouse slightly downward and etoiles calls him out on being depressed). He read Mousey as enjoying dungeons and pvp way more and wanting to hang out with her. He's also one of the only people who like continuously runs in the girlies group and makes all of them pvp with him and they all love it so he keeps coming back to pvp with them. Thats how he started his whole thing with Tina and pvping with her constantly. Reading other people also, he loves finding other pvpers so he attacks roier constantly now bc he knows roier can pvp.

What else OH Etoiles loves whining (and this is because Rayou loves whining) that dude will just complain constantly. You haven't seen an etoiles stream if youve never seen him whine. Can't say I'm not kind of endeared by it. With this too he loves over explaining things (RIP armor powerpoint wish you couldve been given...) because he wants to help everyone....

OH and he's very over exaggerated too in replying to people in a complaining way and a self deprecating way and also likes to try to push the envelope with people and he does all of that to try and get a laugh out of others. like he's well aware people find him going "Oh so you don't give a shit about me and want me to die ? you want etoiles to die ?" fucking hilarious and also loves complaining in the first place thats why he does that. if your etoiles isn't complaining and whining then it isn't etoiles. the self deprecating thing is... its interesting bc he does have full faith in his abilities but will never say it out loud unless its trying to reassure someone who is worried. pushing the envelope is so specific he won't do it too much and its like........... from what ive seen (correct me if im wrong) heavily directed at non francophones where if they laugh at something wack he's done he'll try to do it again to make them laugh more. shoutout to the time he made bbh laugh so much when he cursed he didn't get languaged by bbh so he kept cursing to try to make bbh do it again. the dudes a total people pleaser.

smaller thing ive talked about extensively already (u can prob find it in my q!etoiles tag if i remember i'll edit a link to the posts in here soon lol) etoiles hates losing he looooooves winning he's very intense about it lol. its cute!

on a final note even if you don't become deeply unwell about etoiles like i am i think this highlight clip video has like everything he's like condensed into like 11 minutes. You should watch it. It's a good starting point.

[wifey-ohara]

ok ok I got an idea

what if Miguel ohara found an orphan who was a spider and decided to raise her🥺

I love this sm🥺🥺🥺

Under my wing

Fatherfigure! miguel&spidy!teen!Fem! Reader

Notes: some angst at the start but the rest is fluffy, good dad miguel, distrustfull reader at first, road trip writing, hcs and drabbles, can you tell i can't write good father figures? That's bc mine doesn't like emotional support:) not proof read

💙Miguel was fighting off an anomaly with some other spider people, shouting orders left and right, when he ordered some feral-looking spider and she went exactly against his order which he was gonna follow them, save her and then scold her about being reckless

🩵but then he noticed that that specific spider was not from his team

💙he saw her swing forward, hit the anomaly with both legs, knocking it off it's feet, and he took that chance and tied it up with webs

🩵she did a couple flips and landed, looked back, and miguel could feel her intense stare at him

💙he was about to call out for her, and maybe even invite her to the spider society

🩵With a roll of your eyes and a "tsk" you jumped forward, swinging away

💙when miguel returned, he searched up your earth and information about you

🩵he found out that you only a teenager living a double-life, been bitten by a spider as a child, and that your parents were your canon and that you're alone in there

💙so he visits your earth a lot to check on you

•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•

~you said goodbye to your friend and watched them disappear from your sight, leaving you with that uncomfortable feeling of eyes on you, you felt this way alot ever since those many spiders appeared the other day

With a sigh you walked over the little abandoned apartment complex you lived in, put your back pack there and put on your spider suit to patrol the streets

Miguel on the other hand, he only got more protective of you and needing to keep you safe as he watched from afar

•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•

🩵you didn't see miguel again until another gaint anomaly destroyed your home

💙you were just taking the sight in, the rubble, the dust, the destruction, another home crumbling before your own eyes, and again you couldn't save it, so you just stared at it, thinking what stuff of yours survived,probably none

•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•

You sighed, deeply, then, your spidey senses were ringing in your head, you turned around, ready to fight whoever it is, pulling down your mask

It was that big spider-man, and you felt uneasy about his stare, but you pulled your mask off anyway

" what" you attacked,no actual violence in your voice, you were so tired, and now even more homeless then before

"you're looking at the apartment complex a little too long" he answered, calm, yet somehow knowing? You hated that

"yeah well i lived there" you rolled your eyes

"it looks abandoned?" he inquired yet teased, you hated the brain games he's playing

"i never said others do, also cut the crap, what do you want" you snapped weakly

"ok" he lifted his forearms in front of him "i noticed that your are most times alone, and homeless as it turns out and i wanted to invite to the spider society" he offered

You were quiet for a moment

"so it was you" you yelled, annoyed "why the fuck were you stalking me like that, was it so hard to

talk to me?"

"no but i need to know you before inviting people into my society" he reasoned

With a scoff you asked "what's this- pfft- i don't know spider group thing?"

"a society from people just like you from other universes, team up and fight off what might be in the way of the smooth running of multi-verse, seeing your circumstances, i think you'd like it" he adviced.

•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•

🩵And boom! You→in spider society!!

💙you sticked to miguel's side most time, he didn't mind one bit

🩵you'd sit in his office while he works, scrolling on your phone/tablet (or whatever you like) that miguel got you despite you arguing that he didn't have to

💙"I've seen the kids carrying them around, i think its important to y'all or something " he argues,knowing damn well that its a luxury thing

🩵you get him lunch everyday and you two eat it together, talk about stuff and all that father/daughter all that good stuff

💙you two joke around lots too! You'd crack a joke and he'll chuckle and add to it until you're crying laughing

🩵you join him on most missions, its more of you swinging and playing around and helping whenever you can, and he actually fights it off

•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•

"oh my god!" you yelled when he stopped beside you "are you spider man!?" you asked him, acting like a fan girl who just saw her dream idol

His wide eyes turned into an eye roll at you as he swung away again

You laughed about to get down from the wall you were clinging on, when it broke with some force, knocking you down

A surprised noise tore off your throat as you fell down, you turned around, your back facing the ground, looking for something to web yourself to

On the other hand, miguel felt the life leave his body

He's losing A daughter, again, he couldn't let that happen

He swung to you, wrapping you in red webbing just as you webbed yourself to another building, he pulled you up to him and held you

"are you ok!" he checked frantic, looking you over for the smallest cut

"I'm fine" you smiled "it just caught me off guard "

He sat you both on a surface, gears turning in their head, then he took a deep breath "go back to HQ" he told you, voice gentle

"what? Why!?" you asked, surprised by his offer

"just do what i say.. Please" he pleaded

"alright.." you argeed, releasing his arms as they lowered from your shoulders

Stepping back, clicking a few bottoms on your watch, making a portal appear behind you

"be safe!" you said, before stepping into it

•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•❥•

💙you two didn't talk about that day since

🩵you of course knew about his daughter and past

💙 that day, he acted weird, and you just thought that it was because he had a long day

🩵he became more protective of you, not letting you go to as many missions as before, it annoyed you a bit but you chalked it up to you being reckless and careless and he couldn't have you fucking up missions

💙he'd call you things like "mija" or "niña" yk indearments and cutesy stuff like that

🩵you're so petty most times, and you like to get under his skin so you and lyla gang up on him

💙he doesn't like hobie being around you, but you do, soo that's that..

🩵he teaches you (mostly technology) stuff and answes all your questions

💙after a year and some months, you gave him "the best father" gift card on Father's Day and he went home and cried about it

🩵after that he became even softer (somehow) with you

💙"I'm proud of you"s and "good job kid"s were a reaccuring

🩵he asked to move in with him from the HQ rooms and you agreed, and hugged him

💙he spends more time off now, with you, learning more about you hobbies and interests, cheering you on

🩵you started calling him dad, he teared up the first few times when you did, still warms his heart everytime

💙he helps you with school, and not in a "WHAT'S 5 TIMES 7 while you cry " kinda way lol

🩵he scares off any dating possibilities too

💙if you have a bad day, he'd be a lil sad that you didn't call him first thing, but he'd buy you/make you your favorite food and sits with you and listen to you ramble about it if you want, if not, he'd sit with you on the couch watching a movie

🩵he lets you do wierd things on his face ( "dad they're called face maskes!)

💙he tells you dad jokes ironically, you always roll eyes at him

🩵you're an endless supply of old man jokes ("mija I'm not even that old what the fuck")

💙so yeah,it's happy vibes all around

You guess it, next is probabs platonic hobie

[dracaelus]

Do you ever just think about how in Batman The Knight, Bruce mentions they promised to not use guns and yet Bruce is the first one to shoot Luka to protect Khoa? Especially considering his small flashes whenever he had to use guns even at inhuman targets? And he still did it?

YES!!! Yes, I do!!!

I went through this specific issue recently and i have so many thoughts, I hope you don't mind me using your ask as an excuse to ramble :)

Bruce was having such a bad time in this issue it's not even funny. Luka just decided to kill the only constant figure in his life at this point, his partner, his bestie, his boy crush, his only companion, and just expected him to sit and watch while he shot him right in front of his eyes, like, bro, right in front of the traumatized by loved ones being shot in front of him boy??? WHY

And of course that happened after months of him relieving this particular trauma repeatedly on account of having to use guns and interact daily with a guy who, bc of his past career, he couldn't help but compare to his parents' murderer. Why not, after all. Just marinate him a bit before going for the kill.

Obviously, Bruce couldn't let Luka just kill Khoa, so he takes the gun, and he doesn't even kill Luka, but taking that shot was such a difficult thing to do in such a stressful situation in which he's clearly relieving his biggest trauma. And like, sure, he made his promise to Luka, but more than that, guns are forever associated with his parents death and their murderer. Bruce very much can't use guns on real people without shaking, trembling, throwing up, yk, feeling like he's putting himself in the shoes of joe chill and feeling so intensely guilty. It’s really his last resort - if it was Bruce’s life that Luka was threatening, he might even have let himself be killed in order to not have to use the gun.

However, since the universe is not over with him yet, and still has some ideas about how to make his day worse, it decides instead to force his hand by making Minhkhoa be the one being held at gunpoint. Thus, Bruce does take the shot anyway in the worst way possible and in the worst situation ever, and literally the only thing that could've been worse would be making him kill someone, so of course,

THEN

MINHKHOA TAKES THE GUN

AND SHOOTS LUKA RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM

MAKING SO THAT BRUCE'S SHOT REALLY RESULTED IN SOMEONE'S DEATH

ONCE AGAIN

RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS TRAUMATIZED EYES

and as if this wasn't enough

HE THEN POINTS THE GUN AT BRUCE

Honestly his biggest crime, I don't care about the murders and other felonies, this moment right here is the only thing he ever did wrong.

Like, can you imagine the level of brain damage bruce was receiving that day?

Khoa went from loved-one-about-to-be-killed to being the one walking on joe chill's shoes. His range, honestly. No wonder Bruce got so mad and then so heartbroken. Crying his eyes out, literally hugging himself. The saddest, most traumatized boy ever

Anyways, bruce still misses him, even after all khoa put him through. Or, as he says, he misses who he thought he was. After their first breakup khoa's image took a lot of damage - bruce really starts to wonder if khoa wasn't just a monster and he was the only one not seeing it. He thinks minhkhoa is sabotaging him, and that he might have killed alfred and his ex-girlfriend.

But of course nothing of this it's true and Khoa manages to undo some of the damage to bruce's opinion of him by trying to warn him about the guy actually sabotaging and trying to kill both of them (he also almost dies in the process, which i'm sure made him seem extra harmless and babygirly to bruce), so i guess that was enough to take away the thoughts of khoa being very likely to kill him one day.

He also offers a justification for the two murders he committed (Luka and master Ouahbi - honestly, what's the deal with all those criminals/ex criminals being both so good at diagnosing people with psychopathy and hating them so much????), and it was good enough for bruce, i guess? Tbh, he was mostly just trying to not think too deeply about it, 'cause he just wanted to have a little more time with him so badly. He would do so many things for khoa, and forgive him for so much stuff. HOW COULD KHOA FUMBLE HIM SO BADLY-

One thing I think about a lot is how in btk #7, bruce’s broken heart is addressed - he only references his trauma with his parents death in the issue, but the last issue ended with him saying his heart was broken bc of khoa so we can infer that he’s thinking about what happened between the two of them too. I find it interesting how this seems to be bruce’s way of dealing with khoa - he doesn't talk about him. Dick mentions it in Batman (2016) #104

And bruce never says a word about what happened between him and khoa to zatanna

I wonder if this is his way of keeping khoa with him. As he says, his heart never heals bc he doesn't let it - and so, he never talks about khoa, he only talks with zatanna about the loss of his parents, and he tells dick some of the bad khoa did to him, but doesn't delve into how important he was to him, or the good times they spent together, or how willing he was and still is to forgive him (tho he ends up showing him this part anyways when he goes to ghostmaker to ask him to coparent batman inc. with him when he first started it). He tells their story in a way that makes it seem like their separation didn't affect him negatively at all - dick only realizes bruce still misses him bc of his super powers of seeing right through bruce’s emotional barriers. But bruce keeps refusing to talk about khoa, or adress the ways in which he is still hurting, so he nevers gets better, and thus, khoa is still with him in a way, if only in wounds he left behind.

I also think bruce focuses a lot on everything bad khoa did to him and tries so hard to not even think about the good parts of their relationship bc the truth is, in his heart, the good outweighs the bad by a lot. Which is the reason why khoa barely has to do anything to win him back every time he comes back - bc despite everything, bruce has always been way too willing to forgive him for everything, and all he really has to do is to come back, and be willing to stay for a little while longer.

[neopuppy]

i fully agree about people obsessing over personal tidbits like mark’s faith or chenle’s love for basketball, people get so weird with it and act like that’s all that idol is. i am SICK of the whole mark and watermelons thing. like let it go i beg… but kpop fans are incapable of that lmfao (sidenote but that’s why i prefer your fics/can’t read half the fics on here bc so many fic writers turn these idols into caricatures of themselves and it gets so boring to read fics about idols that apparently don’t have a personality outside of the things we publicly know about them. johnny can like more than just coffee, same with jaemin and photography. i’m glad you kind of reinvent them with each fic.)

also idk if it’s as much intentional as much as it’s a welcome side effect (on the company’s side) but idols like jeno who don’t offer up much of themselves, parasocially or not, also kind of act like a blank slate that the delulu fans can project anything onto. want jeno to be your lame gamer bf? he can be that. your submissive puppy? sure. your rough daddy? anything you want. i’m sure that plays into the kind of weird people each idol attracts.

i’m sure it’s true for all of kpop but i think it’s the most obvious when you look at nct specifically bc there are so many members and each of their solo fanbases are so wildly different from one another. like we’re all nctzens but a johnny stan is going to have a different fan experience than a kun stan lmfao

i feel like mark or doyoung have the fanbases they have because they’re quite willing to engage with the parasocialism, whereas jaehyun is the opposite, he’s a pretty face people project their own fantasies onto. both kind of just encourage the weird ass behaviour tho, bc like you said it’s the companies who benefit the most from it

idk not to shittalk parasocial kpop fans too much bc after all i am one too at times lmfao, personally jaemin draws me in the most when it comes to that stuff. i’ve mellowed out over the years but every few months i’ll have an intense kpop phase and it usually leads me back to jaemin or johnny

‘sidenote but that’s why i prefer your fics/can’t read half the fics on here bc so many fic writers turn these idols into caricatures of themselves and it gets so boring to read fics about idols that apparently don’t have a personality outside of the things we publicly know about them.’

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omg u get it, u get it!!!!!! seeeeee I say this enough but armys are fr the best fanfic writers I have everrrrrrr come across. I love how they build worlds and personalities and characters for the members. It gets so boring reading fics like what you said, that really go hard about mentioning those things(JAEMIN WITH PHOTOGRAPHY AND JOHNNY WITH COFFEE PLS CNSNXNSN). why was I on ao3 a little bit ago in desperate search for something nasty to read for Johnny……we are in hell like idk why people do not write for 127 fnsncjcjnc if anything its all fucking yuta/mark fic😖🔫🔫 mark/haechan too but we all know thats rabid nct dream shippers writing who forget mahae are 127 members.

Jaehyung pretty face who ppl project a personality on!!!!

no bc…….if u guys ever talk to Jaehyun stans………………. omg, the judgement on my face, im sure. the shit they say abt that guy😭😭😭 im like girl do we watch the same content.. im at a loss

I hate when my friends ask me why I like my biases bc im like???????? bc he’s pretty and I like pretty boys?????? and I dont feel the need to convince myself that he has an amazing personality or way of living thats going to make me fall in love with him???🤣

at the end of the day these are men… since when the fuck did we decide men can ever prove to be more than good looks and maybe good at killing bugs/building and moving shit for us omg. anyway.

same same, your message was so refreshing like u fully understood me here without making me explain😭

LIKE IM ALL FOR DELUSIONS OBVS I LOVE A GOOD FANFIC(I love some good story telling with smut, sue me), BUT I CANTTTTTT WITH THE DEEP PARASOCIALS OF IT ALL.

like no that man is not going to pick you bc you love the same food as him, or you stay up all night like him, or bc you work out everyday like a beast just like him. HE’S PROBABLY GOING TO CHOOSE THE PRETTIEST AND HOTTEST GIRL HE SEES IN A ROOM BC HE’S A MAN, period.

[ssruis]

Ruikasa posting that got away from me (again). You guys can’t be mean to me pandemonium is on engsekai in like five days. don’t blame me blame colopale.

Ruikasa is very interesting for me 2 think abt wrt rui and his hang ups bc Rui is very single-minded in going after what interests him - he taught himself robotics/engineering/a million other things, he pursued directing on his own, he would rather stick to his own paths and do what he wants to do instead of do what would make him more palatable to his peers

Rui: I wouldn't be expending my energy on something I don't intend on doing.

Tsukasa: Yes. That's the kind of person you are. You wouldn't be doing something if you didn't really want to...

Rui: right?

(Wonder Halloween)

(Area dialogue)

I don’t feel like hunting down every instance of kids around him going “we don’t want to play with you because it’s dangerous/we think you’re weird” I think I’ve done that enough times. But my point with those instances is that he valued what he loved over attempting to become someone who would fit in.

Desiring to connect with a person beyond the level of just friendship/wanting to know way more about someone is different than studying & learning a subject though, bc it’s

1) typically a two way street in that it’s reliant on the other person to want to share things and want to connect with you in return

2) also reliant on you not fucking up the relationship, which is pretty easy to do if you come out guns blazing like “hey you fascinate me & I want to know what makes you tick. And also everything else about you.”

Both points being something rui has zero experience with. Which is also why I think he opted to ask other people about tsukasa instead of talking to him directly.

(Kaito initial 2*)

(Area conversation)

He’s still very curious about Whatever The Fuck is up with tsukasa tenma but he’s obviously pursuing knowledge a little less intensely/overtly than he does for other stuff

(After talking about movie directing techniques) Director Ohara: … Well, that might not be useful to you as someone who’s aiming to become a stage director.

Rui: …No.

Rui: I’d rather be taught more specific techniques.

Director Ohara: …Huh?

Rui: What I want to create is a show that everyone can enjoy regardless of any limits.

Rui: In order to make that dream come true, I want to learn about direction in all kinds of media.

Director Ohara: …Oh?

Rui: That’s why I want to absorb any ideas and ways of thinking from any field.

Rui: All of the methods you know — please teach them to me.

(Backlight lens flare - TL haruka’s penguin)

All of that to say Rui is very clearly interested in learning more about Tsukasa, but also (imo) very wary of overstepping any social boundaries that would damage their current relationship.

He mentions that he tended to rely on shows to connect to other people around him in Pandemonium -

Rui: I had always thought that I could never properly understand everyone around me.

Rui: As I started doing shows at Wonder Stage with everyone, my way of thinking and feelings began to change.

Rui: Now, I am able to understand and connect with someone without relying on shows, and I’ve come to value the beauty of laughing alongside others.

Rui: that’s why — tsukasa-kun. Thank you for giving me the chance to change.

(Pandemonium - TL tsukasa’s #3 fan)

- which is also the event where he & tsukasa connect more *outside* of shows, and the event that both he and tsukasa acknowledge as an event that made them grow a lot closer. (more recent connect live, wrt them talking abt performing fixer, iirc. I hate to “source: trust me” but we’ve reached my limit for hunting down sources & it’s finding a tweet from forever ago where someone translated what they were talking about)

Anyways. Sorry. I just love that quote & what it says about Rui. I’ll spare you the “directing as a one way street/settling for the closest thing to a connection/laughing *alongside* others instead of providing a show for the audience to laugh at (ensekai if you change that specific sentiment I’ll be so mad)” thoughts. Back to the original point.

It’s interesting to think about how rui’s hang ups wrt friendships and his very intense curiosity/very determined pursuit of knowledge on the subjects that interest him intersect. Like. Before this point, whenever he was interested in something he could just go online and read everything he needed to know and satisfy his curiosity to his heart’s content.

Having to both navigate something completely foreign and pump the brakes on obsessively learning everything he can would be a novel experience for Rui. To say the least. “If I pursue this with as much intensity as I do with any other endeavor I am going to fuck something up (he is suffering)” kind of situation.

Being interested in a *person* is so much different & so much trickier and scarier to navigate. Especially with how much Rui values his relationship to Tsukasa as someone Who Matches His Freak.

and with Rui’s whole “I should be satisfied with what I have and if I’m not then it’s because I’m greedy/selfish” :

Rui: (… Geez, I really lack a backbone. When will the time come when I find myself satisfied with the way things are?)

(…)

Rui: (While working to make my dream come true, together with everyone, I will make their dreams come true. A way to do that — let me think of one.)

Rui: (fufu, how greedy of me.)

(Curtain call - TL Arven Oven & tsukasa’s #3 fan)

(Talking abt wanting to keep doing shows with wxs and his actions in OHE) Rui: Now that I think about it, I’ve been pretty selfish.

(World link - TL haruka’s penguin)

I think Rui’s approach to it would be very “I’m asking for more when I already have a great friendship I’m The Most Selfish Person Alive & must never say anything” which, tbf, would be his reaction wrt having feelings for literally anyone, not just tsukasa. However. Since this is a ruikasa post. unfortunately. I will say that what would be exclusive to Tsukasa is “he’s already given me so much and I still want more… I’m The Most Selfish Person Alive & must never say anything.” Rui is dramatic like that.

[beanghostprincess]

that pudding card is GORGEOUS i love her so much she doesn't deserve to be a part of op discourse leave my girl alone she just needs love

Pudding is such a complex character! I love her so so much! She really means the world to me. Honestly, her whole story is completely relatable and the fact that it's basically used to parallel Sanji's doesn't help. It just makes everything hurt more. I could talk about her for hours and how misinterpreted her character is due to fandom discourse and the recent wave of "puritanism" within the internet.

I'm not gonna get too into fandom discourse because I hate it and I already have horrible experiences about it in this fandom (with Lawlu, specifically), but... I find it stupid. Her character has so many layers. She's just as complex and traumatized as Sanji. That's... That's quite the whole point? She made mistakes and has mixed feelings and different types of personalities due to her past and trauma responses. She made mistakes. Sanji made mistakes too. The only damn reason why people don't forgive her is because "she hurt our little meow meow <//3 She's so evil!!! Evil woman!!!" as if they wouldn't forgive her character right away if she were a MAN. Like. Misogyny who??

Anyway, I think it's pretty obvious people don't like Pudding because of obvious misogyny and overprotection of Sanji. Which is understandable because I'm also very intense when it comes to him, but damn... He would not like it if he knew y'all hate her for her mistakes.

Also, people only talk about her to say "she's a great character but her age gap with Sanj-" why does it always have to be about Sanji? Let the girl be her own character. Have you hear of the Bechdel test? No? Perhaps you could try it? Her character is obviously created for Sanji, but she's so much more! Let her escape!!! From the hands of patriarchy and men!! That being said, the whole discourse about their age gap is... Just... So fucking stupid.

Don't go cancelling me right away. I'm just saying that when it comes to stuff like age Oda doesn't seem to be very... Consistent? He's made mistakes before. And the Charlottes are a very huge family. I'm sure not even Oda knows the order of these children, lmfao. I think he would only say shit like "Katakuri is one of the oldest and Pudding is one of the youngest idk. Just made her one of the youngest to match Sanji's backstory of being one of the youngest". But leaving that aside-- Maturity never equals age in a show that's... About pirates... Where everyone has different experiences with different social surroundings... It's just like the Lawlu discourse, damn. You have to know the characters before saying crazy stuff like "Law would groom Luffy" because HOW??? HOW WOULD HE DO THAT??? That's basically impossible. And you need to think about the characters before assuming things. And Sanji and Pudding? Leaving aside the age difference, Pudding has more power over Sanji and that's noticeable. Does that even matter tho? They understand each other on the same level after all in the end. Tbh I couldn't tell about the age difference. I thought they were the same age ngl. Only found out bc I saw the discourse going on and my first reaction was "This is fucking dumb". Tbh their relationship is one of the healthiest I've ever seen for Sanji. We see him being himself for once without being extremely creepy. The whole arc about him losing himself is about a girl loving him for who he truly is. And the whole arc about a girl being judged for being different is about a boy loving her for who she truly is. It's so beautiful!!!

Anyway. Not the point. The thing is that people hate Pudding for... Absolutely nothing? Not knowing how to read complex characters? I still don't get it. Perhaps it's just that my mommy issues are too harsh and I can see through her but damn.

Ana also the whole thing about erasing Sanji's memories? People hate her for that and calling her... Selfish??? Did you not... Watch the scene... Of her crying because she lost the only person she has ever truly loved. But whatever. Call her selfish.

[strawbrygashez]

Shane Carver Hcs even tho no one cares about the movie other than me 🥲

•Very mentally ill. I feel like he has a long list of mental illnesses but the first ones that comes to mind are bpd and some kinda form of schizophrenia. (I would love to hear anyone else’s opinion on that tho) His intense alcohol & dr*g usage does not help with this in the slightest lol

He also has trauma due to his brother passing and his abusive father. He also has real bad abandonment issues. Forming the cult/black circle boys gave him this HUGE ego boost and a feeling of being wanted. It’s one of the reasons why he’s so intense about people not leaving the group (along side him just wanting to serve Satan as best as he can.. and one of his members leaving is basically saying he failed him so..)

•It’s already canon pretty much but he loves Kyle so fucking much. I think it scares Shane even with how much he loves him. Like once Kyle began to break the cults rules, Shane knew something was definitely ‘wrong’ when he didn’t feel much of anything other than disappointment. Like yeah he did keep saying if he leaves, he was gonna have to die basically but (MAJOR SPOILER): he couldn’t even bring himself to kill him in the end. He was struggling so much over his love for him, his pain of being betrayed, Satan being displeased with him, and trying to tell himself he has to make Kyle follow the ‘brotherhoods rules’ and what ever else which led to Kyle ultimately over powering him.

•Before the actual 100% believing in and worshipping Satan stuff, he genuinely just wanted to be in a cool metal band growing up. Due to his living situation however, he was never able to get a guitar until much later or was never able to take classes for it.

•He hates Kyles girlfriends(?) guts so much. He can’t bring himself to actually do much other than just to yell at her since she isn’t in the cult and he probably didn’t wanna piss Kyle off so early on.

They seemed to be on okay-ish terms until she got all seriously flirty with Kyle. It wouldn’t have surprised me if he banned her from coming to any more of their ‘parties’

•He’s always a little shit but it’s even worse when he’s able to get Kyle to leave his gf behind to hang out with him instead. This loser will literally do this face: 😋 at her before he puts a hand on Kyle’s back as they walk away together. He loves seeing her get pissy over Kyle not leaving him even tho she keeps warning him.

•HE DYES HIS HAIR BLACK EVERYONE!! 🗣️ He would never let Kyle help him dye it until they start dating tho.. he’s too embarrassed to let anyone know his actual hair color.

•He would have only ever genuinely tried to get better if he’d gotten with Kyle. I think Kyle would have made him agree to a couple things before they start dating. Like Shane can’t be unnecessarily cruel to Rory and people who genuinely did nothing to them. (Sometimes he lets it slide if it’s Shane being mean to strangers because eh. It’s Shane and that’s just him but he’s worried about Shane’s safety and just doesn’t see the point in fucking around with innocent people)

Shane obviously wouldn’t be perfect tho.. and wouldn’t try to start seeing a therapist or get on meds until much later on. I think the only thing that would make Shane actually see the point in changing how he is, is if Kyle stayed with him thru all his fuck ups bc that means Kyle does see something in him.. a glimmer of hope. Otherwise Kyle would have gave up real early on.

•Shane has no interest in ladies at all. He only called Kyles gf a ‘babe’ early on because he just wanted to come off as one of the boys 🦅

•I think Shane would have gave Kyle a lot of his old clothes or lets him borrow them. Like I’m sure Kyle had bits and pieces of those goth outfits he wore real early on but I think once Shane saw he was dressing more alternatively, he offered him some old stuff he doesn’t wear anymore. Like probably specifically his old, more masculine clothes.

•If they were dating… bro sneaks into Kyle’s room from that window above his bed almost every night. (Kyle leaves it unlocked specifically for him) Shane especially loves the nights where both of Kyle’s parents are out because he’s able to convince Kyle to turn on some metal as loud as his cd player can go and mosh around his bedroom with him.

When they aren’t in the mood to do all that, and maybe Kyle just needs a place to chill or calm down, Shane will just lay next to Kyle on his bed and not talk.. he likes those peaceful moments where Kyle is spooning him or playing with his hair while he’s zoned out more than he will admit..

•If he gave a shit about people knowing he’s gay (I can’t decide if either of them would care or not) I wanna see Rory accidentally walk in on the two kissing or something and be like “Oh! People were right about you two :3 it’s okay! I support! My cousin on my moms side has two dads-” and Shane just cuts him off by telling him if he says anything about what he just saw, he’s getting kicked out of the cult 💀 He’d also be pissed if he heard ppl spreading a rumor about them being together too… BUT I do like the idea that neither of them would care. They have each other so it doesn’t matter.

•CRINGE WARNING. One of their teachers calls Shane, Froggie (I’m pretty sure at least. I had no subtitles but it makes sense if u have seen the movie 🥲) AND I LOVE THINKING ABOUT Kyle calling him that to mess with him. Shane is already mad his name isn’t some edgy ass demon name so Froggie pisses him off…..Not really. He likes it only from Kyle.

•If Kyle would let him, he’d definitely paint his nails for him. Shane’s heart is beating out of his chest bc he’s holding Kyles hand but he’ll act ‘cool’ as usual

•He loves watching Kyle swim. He has to keep telling him to join the schools swim team tho because he knows it will piss Kyle off. It’s worth getting splashed & his makeup messing up to see Kyle reaction.

•I think Kyle’s mom would like Shane tbh.. if he acted how he does when it’s just him and Kyle anyways. I can see him being really polite to her. It takes everything in him not to attack Kyle’s dad tho. Like he’s heard how Kyle doesn’t like him much already but when he sees and hears how he treats him while he’s over even.. he’s gripping the knife they gave him at the dinner table so hard.

Oh yeah Kyle hates Shane’s dad too!!!

•K + S, in a heart shape, is carved into one of the trees at the cults meet up spot.

•While I’m not sure if I hc Shane having ocd.. he can get kinda real serious about other people not messing up his stuff & he tried to land the dates for cult meetings on specific days, at specific times for one specific reason or another.

•Shane’s ‘inspo’ for the cults symbol was that he already had that carved into his shoulder before he even started the cult. He gave it to himself with a razor during an episode. And since he has abandonment issues, he thought what better way to always be connected to someone than a matching scar in the same exact place.

[marineflamez]

Your interpretation of Spamton is really interesting, do you have any specific thoughts about each section of his life??? ( like addison, big shot, puppet)

warning, this is a huge autism rant LOL

addison era: i havent headcanoned much about his addison self tbh... the most ive got is hes transmasc and is very bird-like with feathers.....also cat-like too. i think the addisons in general act like that. another headcanon i have is that the addisons are naturally social creatures! they stick together and get depressed when alone, which is sad to think about considering the CircumstancesTM

big shot era: i think spamton during this era was at his highest career wise, and his lowest mental health wise (aside from his current mental health state). my headcanon is hed have a super inflated ego and lash out at people, but only to hide the deep rooted insecurity from knowing he only became successful from a phone. i imagine hed also feel paranoid and constantly anxious at the thought of losing it all, which ended up happening. the social nature of being an addison prolly also contributed to his decline since the addisons left him. so hed stick by the phone not only for advice, knowledge, etc... but for some type of social contact, albeit incomprehensible.

if you wanna see my headcanon for his character In ActionTM, i made a video on his big shot era here: https://youtu.be/OWeStag3dJk

puppet era: this is the most confusing one for me. i still to this day do not know how he became a puppet, if the addisons are puppets, when he became a puppet, etc... its such a confusing thing to wrap my head around. im a big fan of the acid theory and that it kinda melted him away ! however, i dont think it made him shorter bc he states he was always small in the qna, i believe... another theory that could be plausible is the force behind the phone slowly turned him into a puppet as like a "you get success, but only if i get to control you" type curse. idk! its a confusing timeline. regardless, i love his current form the most, aside from sneo. i think hes ageless, but still has the energy and features of a late 40-early 50 year old dude. i draw him with a receding hairline and damage to his puppet body. still transmasc also!

a huge thing i adore about his character is how unapologetically evil he is. he doesnt hide it, he admits hes evil and/or uses you for evil (in snowgrave). and the thing that fucks me up the most is, he had that thornring planned REGARDLESS OF THE ROUTE which is so scary. like if you beat his ass, hes like "whoa there dude! at least buy my ring! fuck you!" and runs off. that and the fact he kept trying to get that neo body. he is so desperate that he has multiple plans to get that body for god knows what.

also the trans allegories for him!!!!!!! love it!!!! like him really hating his puppet body and wanting to be bigger.... or like when u put the emptydisk in the mannequin with the dress, only for it to not wanna go in. like yeah it could be a interpreted as him wanting to go into sneo and not the mannequin, but given his connection to mettaton, who has some heavy trans allegories, i think it has more meaning than just "this isnt sneo!!!!" .,,, also the fact he gets such intense euphoria from being sneo. godddd i love trans spamton allegories!!!!!

spamton neo: my second favorite (almost first favorite) form of spamton. incomprehensible armor, but still killin it with those heeled boots!!!!! girlboss honestly

post sneo fight, i always found it interesting how his ark ends in a less hopeful, and more existentially dreadful manner. it almost feels unnecessarily cruel, but i think that the sad ending to his story is essential to get that hopeless "your choices dont matter" theme across. it also just shows how his hubris fucked him over in the end no matter what he did. ALSO HE DID NOT DIE!!!! people keep saying he died. he didnt. he literally has dialogue if u fill your inventory where hes like "bro???" so like. i think he just kinda gave up and turned into an item on his own accord, like jevil.

however, my favorite iteration of sneo is snowgrave. it really shows how genuinely fucking evil spamton is. he literally tries to stop you from being evil so HE can be evil, its so fucking awesome KJDJGSNKJSDNG

but like. fuck man, the dialogue is crazy good??? just peaking into his actual thoughts and insecurities and absolute self hate... muah. and getting that info from him self projecting onto kris? MUAH!!!!! i think its such a perfect battle for sneo because of how he tries to evade responsibility and hatred toward himself, or at least tries to make it sting less, by self projecting it onto kris. he hates kris, yeah, but its mostly just hatred toward himself, what hes become, and how far hes fallen from grace. and him trying to claw his way back to being successful- no BEYOND successful- and into world domination, is fucking harrowing. he is a fucking force of nature in the form of a YTP puppet.

i adore everything about the buildup to snowgrave sneo, the environmental storytelling, everything!!! it was only recently that i realized the scribbly lines around the mansion were his glitched advertisements.

also another thing that fucks me up: he killed his ex friend by proxy. absolute insane behavior its so. ohhmygod. i also love the connections to noelle and her being an angel. an angel sent to help him reach heaven... godddddd i love this shit

another thing i find so fascinating: his glitched speak in his sneo form is not as incomprehensible? its so eerie. hes like... he can better communicate his thoughts better and more coherently, which is genuinely so freaky because youre just so used to his nonsensical bullshit so its like. whoa. he was There Mentally all along, he just couldnt say it because of how fucked up and glitchy he was.

yes, i do believe he is like Completely There Mentally throughout the entire game. hes crazy as fuck, but he hasnt lost grasp on reality like jevil has. spamton has multiple plans concocted to get what he wants. hes smart! he knows what hes doing, and thats fucking Horrifying.

im tired of people saying he isnt evil or that hes just misunderstood. like yeah his circumstances are so unbelievably sad, but hes not some precious little creature who deserves to be protected... he is evil!!!!! he is evil and uses people to kill, or straight up tries to kill you himself! whether it be for freedom or his own demented plans of world domination!!!! and he outright says hes evil!!! he knows hes evil and doesnt give a shit, fuck, or damn!!!!

ok autism rant over :3 sorry if you read all that and were confused the entire time, spamton is my babygirl

[swiftfootedachilles]

*vibrating intensely* hi please tell me your autistic Mickey headcanons I'm collecting them

ohhhh i have so many thoughts

ive already talked about this ad nauseum previously but i always have time to discuss my favorites autist

his hatred of sleeves is totally an autistic thing. he just hates sleeves, specifically anything thats not long sleeved or sleeveless

he seems to prefer warm weather. he bundles up sooo much in the winter and he talks about moving back to mexico in s11. he would rather go back to prison than move any more north than chicago

i am once again mentioning that compulsory heterosexuality is absolutely part of mickeys masking. he seems to not gaf about masking about a lot of "typical" autistic things like not understanding social cues/rules or lacking conversation skills. a lot of his masking is more survival based like seeming straight and masculine and tough

^ which makes sense that when he starts unmasking, he likes patterned/hawaiian shirts :') he loves how visually simulating they are and he can tolerate the sleeves bc the fabric is very breathable and light

he really likes loud sounds specifically loud music and ambient/outside sounds like the ones he looks up in s11 to help him fall asleep :) he seems like the kinda person who can only do one thing as once, ie cant listen to music and play video games at the same time. when he does something he has to Devote Himself To It. if hes listen to music thats what hes doing. hes gonna sit there with his giant ass headphones on and stim or just cover his eyes and focus on the lyrics. hes s natural loud talker. he could yell over a jet engine if he wanted to. altho he doesnt like people raising his voice at him for obvious reasons. he cant stand pure silence it makes his skin crawl. ian loves his peace and quiet so mickey often throws on his headphones for parallel play. ian cooks or reads his book in quiet and mickey listens to deftones or doomscrolls on tiktok. parallel play becomes a huuuuge part of their bonding as a married couple :)

when he gets overwhelmed he completely shuts everything out. he acts like a cornered animal and lashes out at anything even if someone is trying to help. he needs space until he calms down or he'll have a meltdown and start throwing/breaking things or causing physical harm. sometimes he becomes too overwhelmed too quickly and completely skips the "shutting everyone out" stage and go straight to getting physical

he stims a lot by hitting or throwing stuff so ian trains him to use soft things like pillows and plushies (he absolutely has a plushie collection) when stimming. i think he also hits himself on the head sometimes. :( (totally not projecting) but be mainly sticks to his regular stims like messing with his eyebrows, chewing his nails, and biting his lip. he has an oral fixation! ian gets him a chew necklace. he likes singing and dancing with ian tho hed never admit it. he likes flapping his hands and jumping but hes still too embarrassed to ever do them. he unconsciously sways and rocks, especially if hes in the same spot for a long time

ian absolutely buys mickeys most of his sensory/stimming shit. lights, weighted blanket, spinner ring, chew jewelry, peelable clear nail polish, bike chain (which we see mickey has on his bedside table in s5 so i 1000% believe this was his first stim toy!!!) toy, tangles, different types of plushies (squishmallow, squishables, jellycat, reversible octopus (mickeys fav they both have at least one for every possible emotion), plushie dreadfuls, palm pals, different shapes and textured fabrics.) ian often steals a lot of these plushies; they are their first children. after they move back to the southside and are doing some work on their house, ian notices mickey still needs the catharsis of breaking shit, so sometimes they go on dates to the junkyard with baseball bats and destroy shit together

mickey literally cant be in the same room with ian when he eats his eggs with ketchup. the concept itself is so gross he cant tolerate it

hes very sensory seeking, again partly because of his oral fixation. he likes spicy food and LOVES sour food. obviously he loves candy and junk food. they have lamps, other small lights, and color changing led lights all over their home. eventually they both fall into a routine of communicating nonverbally using different colors of lights

mickey isnt great at communicating verbally tho he tries. sometimes he just cant, its too overwhelming and he cant think of the words to properly express himself. hes much better at conveying his thoughts thru physical means. this is part autism, part learned during childhood

he learned literally everything he knows about society thru movies. he uses a lot of old slang and makes niche references. he refuses to explain any of them to ian

sometimes he goes nonverbal and he texts only using (sometimes too many) emojis and reaction images that nobody gets except him

most people think hes weird and dont get his sense of humor but ian thinks hes the funniest person on the planet! they often make references to inside jokes in front of other people and it annoys the shit out of everyone

ok i have to stop now or im gonna go on forever thank you for the ask

[boxwinebaddie]

miss ninaaa why did u delete the kyley b origin story jewelery ask, i was IN LOVE with ittt

Anonymous asked:

wha happened to the kyley b post i miss iy already nina :(

AAAAAAAAH. :'( </3

so when i went to bed last night, i saw this first anon and already felt bad, but now that this second one has come in, i just want to say...

...that i am so, SO sorry, my loves.

and to quote every bad movie breakup scene ever:

it's not you, it's me.

( and specifically my very fucked up brain. )

HERE is the link to the kyley b (jew)elery origin post.

i plucked it out of the lost and pound just for you.

i'm...sorry, i deleted it.

**and heavily edited it; it was bugging me.

the short version of my answer is that i developed a very poor coping mechanism for stress/perceived inferiority where even though i love my ncu content, i convince myself that it's bad and i hate it, to the point where i 'make it disappear' so that it's no longer an eyesore.

the very long, personal mental health uncle nina psychological eval with a lowk frightening beginning and hopeful ( i think? ) end is below. tw for depressing thoughts and mentally-ill framing.

I Hope You Heal. <3

because, unfortunately, as a bipolar two girlie, i am extremely prone to spells and spirals of depression ( especially in the summertime ), which, when combined with my already self-confidence cannibalizing anxiety disorder creates a very toxic, negative, medieval torture chamber of a headspace which makes makes my brain…

Very Unwell.

in essence, because of how frighteningly fragile i become, even tiniest inkling of doubt in my mind can poison the entire inkwell...and when that happens, even though i know, deep down, in a healthy, reasonable place, that the content i curate is well-composed, well-received writing that i am passionate about and should be proud of...the cracks and fissures that form in my heart and pysche from the broiler room of pressure i put on myself to preform create several vulnerable visceral openings for My Imposter Syndrome to worm into.

but instead of whispering sweet, sweet nothings, it's doomsay screaming awful, awful Everythings! that this thing you wrote that you love? not good enough. Everyone Is Going To Hate That. the people who liked that post? they just feel sorry for you and if you had any remorse, you would feel sorry for subjecting them to something so underwhelming, stupid, embarrassing and beneath them.

You Should Delete It.

[ DELETE. ] IT.

...aaaaand because the sirens are going off in my head, i feel like the walls are closing in, i frantically press the panic button ( delete post ) and think that i am doing everyone a favor bc not only are you no longer having to read what my extremely overloaded and anxiety corroded brain has classified as "EMBARRASSINGLY BAD" work, but i no longer have to feel ashamed bc it's

Gone.

or well...Privated. ( in this case. )

because i DO work so hard on everything i post that even when i think that it is extremely underwhelming no matter what i do, it is Hard for me to delete it because of the brain-power, intensive-typing and heart that went into making them...so like...it's a strange thing because i know that it's just an echo-chamber of evil lies and untruths, but when i'm rocking back and forth, with my chest eating my knees, and my entire education degree goes out the window when i can't teach myself how to breathe because of how bad i feel...

it's hard.

but...like i tell my kindergarteners everyday.

You Can Do HARD Things.

life is not easy, but it is worth it.

loving yourself is not easy...

But YOU Are Worth It.

unfortunately, i am a better at preaching than practicing. but a large part of my irl job is modelling good behavior and on here, i was deeply moved and touched to find that so many of you think so highly of me, so i also want to model good behavior on here.

which hinges on honesty...and hope.

so, basically, i did delete my post, which is made me feel good in the moment, but overall is not kind to myself ( or to the people who enjoyed reading the thing i randomly killed with knives and hammers because it wasn't 'Perfect' ) and i do not like modelling avoidant behavior, but it is also important to show you that i struggle, that it is okay to feel strange and sad, but that i am working on...not deleting my posts because i am a perfectionist/scared of letting you all down.

which...was clearly not the case? Wowza.

i really did not realize so many people cared about that, aha! but please feel free to ask me anything about kyley b kyle ( i have been trying to generate my thoughts and form some hcs actually! i love him being a sardonic, smart alecky delinquent boy in giant ed hardy jeans and a million different street fighter gta rings on his fingers )

also feel free to ask me anything, flashback related, random hc related, personal or otherwise! i know i've got a ton in the box, but i promise that just because i'm going through a lot and posting sporadically, doesn't mean you have be a stranger...

Just Be Gentle.

with me and as always,

with yourselves.

-uncle nina, doing her best <3

[66sharkteeth]

hi it seems like from some of your posts that City of Blank has been getting a lot of negativity/hate recently so as a semi-longtime reader (ok just since it debuted on originals but it FEELS like a long time) I wanted to drop in and say that CoB is probably like. one of my favorite fandoms ever of all time. As a person who gets really intense about their interests but in a way where I'm constantly bouncing from one thing to the next I have a lot of love for a lot of stuff but thinking about it I've probably generated the highest word count of talking about CoB online to my friends out of any fandom I've ever been in. because I physically cannot stop saying shit abt my favorite characters and the themes and literally everything (to this day. up to this moment. there's a specific like two scenes where if they cross my mind at all I can't stop thinking about them for at least like 20m. it's kind of a problem lol). I also have like rlly bad brainrot rn bc of tonight's update so my friend is probably going to get an earful...anyway this is not meant to sound deranged in your askbox but the point I'm trying to make is that there are DEFINITELY people out there who are still so excited about your comic bc it's incredible and all the haters are Wrong and Bad. so yeah

ahah thank you. though to be clear, i think i'm making things sound worse than they really are. nobody's out there like... slandering the comic and saying its the worst thing they've ever read, except for like...literally 1 or 2 people who have a hardon for letting everyone know how much they hate it haha (main reason i've stopped going to the Webtoon subreddit, which is a shame, because I really did enjoy some of my conversations there). there is more negative comments than there used to be i feel like, but it's just people critiquing it or saying they feel like it's gone down hill. Nobody's saying it's total horse shit or anything (give or take those couple of people who for some reason act like it killed their grandma).

my confidence and self-worth in the comic is just paper thin these days and i do find it confusing that back when it was...objectively worse IMO, it almost never got any criticism, but now that it's getting to things i'm really proud of, suddenly it's gone down hill to a lot of people. makes me question how much i really know about writing. but thank you. i do my best to remind myself there are a lot of people like you who enjoy it and think i'm doing a good job! i'm just trying to get back to a place where i believe in my abilities as much as the majority of my readers. i hope you continue to enjoy it ♥

[rollercoasterwords]

same anon who is fretting left and right abt r and s and everyone else ;_; i love having ur insight and thank u kindly for the long answer…. exactly what i wanted *evil laughter* but i have a follow up!

this might be too far into spoiler territory tho…. another Painful element of this beautiful fic is the lack of love between s and j it’s KILLING MEEEE (as always in the best way) not seeing them as they usually are… will we ever get any s+j friendship crumbs? or is this just not possible within the world you’ve created? i trust ur Vision either way i’m just gnawing at the bars of my prison cell thinking about the possibilities…..

hmmm yeah i feel like i can’t really talk abt like. what’s going 2 happen w them without getting too spoilery (although my usual like…wip policy applies here lol if you absolutely want them 2 be friends stop reading if u absolutely don’t want them 2 be friends stop reading be ready 4 it 2 go either way etc) but! i can talk a bit abt like. how james currently feels where we’re at in the fic & how his feelings have changed

what i've been trying 2 do w j + s in this fic is like. well clearly they hated each other at the beginning bc s sees this arrogant pigheaded order soldier whereas j sees this entitled foolish d.e. & that starting animosity is pretty intense, although it's a bit more personal 4 s--j is like. one of the first order members he's knowingly met + becomes kind of his warden in a way so he pretty specifically hates j whereas for j s is just one of many d.e. he's encountered before so he doesn't really hold a grudge in the same way once they start working together, although he also isn't quick 2 trust s bc unlike his brother s didn't join the order of his own accord (obv. reg didn't exactly join of his own accord, either, but that's pretty much how j sees it).

so when they do actually start working together j is like. well this guy's gotta prove himself if he wants me 2 trust him but once s does start proving himself he's pretty willing 2 put the old animosity aside, and he views s as part of their team--hence him risking his life 2 go back & save s, etc. s, on the other hand, is holding a personal grudge & specifically does not like j so even when j starts acting a bit friendlier towards him he's still like. hmph. bc while j is like "oh holding u prisoner was nothing personal obviously it was just what we had 2 do 4 the order" for s it was very much personal! lol

anyway despite the grudge etc. they do both mutually begin 2 realize that they have certain key similarities--specifically, the fact that they both feel responsible for the people they care about & would do pretty much anything 2 protect them, even if it's something those people wouldn't want them to do. so when we reach this point where they need 2 break into the dept. of mysteries, they both end up reaching the same conclusion abt how they're going 2 have 2 do that, and realizing that they've both reached that same conclusion kind of bolsters that mutual respect they're developing 4 each other. so there's sort of this truce struck while they're planning s's obliviation, where they still aren't friends exactly & probably wouldn't go so far as 2 say they like each other, but they're also like...the only people who can kind of understand what the other one is going thru + sacrificing (as in the convo in the james pov where s says 'they're all gonna hate us,' etc), and in a way it's nice 2 have someone who understands u in a way the others can't...also s going thru w this whole plan has made j respect him a lot more & view them as much more similar in terms of both being practical (and ruthless) enough 2 place larger goals above their own well-being + being willing 2 do things that will make their loved ones hate them as long as it keeps those loved ones safe. so j's feelings towards s have obviously changed quite a bit! of course now s has no idea who j is so. suppose maybe he'll have a chance 2 make a better first impression next time around lol

[drifloonz]

s!3v3n headcanons bc i've been thinking of him and nobodys specifically requested s!3v3n yet? just my default version steven ( post incident post Manicness ). also yea dating hcs too This is an x reader blog primarily you should expect this by now

_____

♡ S!3v3n isn't an alternate personality of Steven's. I mean like ok technically but not in the DID way. it's just basically steven when he's manic or incredibly upset. he will most of the time go into this form when he feels these intense emotions that he can't exactly grapple with or handle. especially anger or rage or revenge and things of that sort. aliken it to more of a werewolf transformation but like personalitywise. does this even make sense.

♡ despite this S!3v3n can be passive, but he's always on the defensive in some way or another. he's always protecting something he loves from any danger no matter the cost - usually you or miki.

♡ he can loosen up in this state of course, but usually just when you two are cuddling. physical affection seems to soothe him easiest, as he'll just relax and de-tense a lot, but will still hug you nice and tight. he also might purr but who can say. smiles.

♡ prefers he/it, while steven prefers he/they. state of mind based secondary pronoun changes we love to see it

♡ not missingno possessed per se but missingno fucked with a lot of his body, mentally or physically, which is why he gets like this sometimes. missingno isn't possessing him ( missingno does not have desires it is just a jumbled mess of code that can do whatever it wants because it's not supposed to exist ) but being around it made him go a little bit insane, basically. Frenzy area of effect that permanently damaged him /hj

♡ s!3v3n isn't nonverbal per se but he's a lot less verbal than steven already is, unless he's really mad. see; doors open and strangled ( with image examples this time just cuz i wanted to, i guess. the last one is so funny. once again steven/s!3v3n is not written well in these. this is also s!3v3n / steven around the ages of what i'd assume to be 16-17 so take it with a grain of salt bc my hc steven/s!3v3n i write for these requests by default are like 19-28 or over )

♡ he still speaks in a lot of noises over words, and if he has to speak usually does it in very short sentences, but unless he wants to talk he'll always opt for just silent communication or little noises.

♡ tends to growl a lot. notably, steven grumbles and groans and sighs, but never growls. s!3v3n growls and hisses and snarls. things like that. he's more animalistic and impulsive.

♡ due to his impulsive nature he doesn't make the best decisions. s!3v3n is mentally unstable ( not like steven isnt but as said, s!3v3n's emotions are much stronger than stevens ) and very clingy. he does things with 15-35% good intentions, at least to him, and the rest of that percentage is impulse. what he wants in the moment. he's more passive than he used to be when steven was actively fucking killing people, but he'll still be like this sometimes. although, most of the impulse is when he's angry and towards people he doesn't know, doesn't care about.

♡ i state this like he's actively really shitty to be around but nowadays tbh this just shows in s!3v3n not asking you about things and just doing them most of the time. if he wants to cuddle he'll grab you and take you to bed and cuddle with you and you Aren't escaping his arms. he's still mindful of your needs to some degree of course, but he's just sorta like that. this can obviously still lead to discomfort and disagreements though.

♡ he'll be more mindful about it if you seem genuinely upset with him for doing these things, though. although since his emotions are heightened he has bad reactions to being rejected in any way so he'll just lock himself in his room and avoid you because he thinks you hate him ( or is scared of getting angry and hurting you, because hey, he's hurt loved ones over accidents and disagreements before. ) it'll usually take half a day and then his 'being loved' battery runs too low so he gets over it and walks back into your arms with your permission and snuggles up like a big cat.

♡ very very prone to moodswings and is easy to upset. this is a lot harder with anybody he's clingy or protective towards but can still happen. but like i said, easy to soothe with physical affection from his loved ones. he's a moody black cat except a black cat that's like, 6'8 feet tall. and is a lion.

♡ s!3v3n's a lot more buried within steven these days since he's less actively manic all the time, but he'll still come out, usually after traumatic experiences or when steven is extremely upset and can't handle himself. often times he'll lock himself in his room if he can figure that he's about to lose control of himself for everybody's safety. the last time he let himself get lost in his intense emotions he let that control him for like 1-5ish years and killed like 3 or more people and also flew to johto for some reason ( escapism, s!3v3n sort of fucking hates kanto due to how everyone there treats him ) and killed one of those 3 people there.

♡ extremely overprotective and clingy. steven himself already is, but s!3v3n basically just makes his emotions 10x worse. he will not let you leave his sight 99% of the time, will cling onto you literally, and hold you extremely tight in bed so you don't leave because he's kind of selfish and likes your warmth and everything else about you. he'll let go with an annoyed grumble if you have to go to eat or go to the bathroom or something, but he'll let you go. he might follow if he cares enough.

♡ s!3v3n specifically is way more obsessive with miki. she's out constantly when s!3v3n is, getting so much attention. sometimes even more than you. miki's his main priority even if she's perfectly fine and alive - at least to him. you are an extremely close second though, sometimes tying depending on how he feels and how close steven is to you normally. if you're dating but like, only recently, s!3v3n will basically still care about you but will barely be around you unless you need something or come to him first. but if you two are very close he is all fucking over you and is as obsessive about you as he is with miki sometimes. have fun! ( also obviously if you don't fuck with miki this pisses s!3v3n off way more than it pisses steven off. So don't be rude!!! )

♡ he does not go outside for any reason unless it's at midnight. the last time he did he flew to johto and beat a kids ass for no reason. he'll go on strolls in his secluded little forest area of pallet and maybe fly with miki to take his mind off or to go somewhere to do something cryptic, but otherwise he stays holed up in his house as usual. he's much more active than steven though, often pacing or sometimes stomping around if he's upset.

♡ speaking of which he doesn't engage in most activities other than ones to keep him alive like eating and whatnot, but. the exception to this is videogames. canonically, probably, since its noted that he loves videogames and has old consoles. which is really fucking funny. imagine him with his scary ass red eyes and messed tangled hair growling and yelling at a multiplayer game or something. ( he is very competitive </3 ) ( canonically, he probably wouldn't even have any newer consoles with online multiplayer. but for the sake of my headcanons he does. )

♡ likes to cuddle up with you sitting on his lap while he plays games or watches tv or something. another easy way to soothe him.

♡ because he's clingy, this also means he'll take you literally everywhere he goes because he's too afraid and paranoid of leaving you alone. the only time he doesn't is when he himself is going out, is sure you're safe and won't try to do anything, and is sure he'll be quick ( for example him getting a midnight snack and then just coming back to bed after )

♡ type of guy who triple-checks everything - if locks are actually locked, if doors are closed, if wires are working and connected properly ( iykyk ), etc. so does steven, but as per usual, less than s!3v3n.

♡ if you like try to go to the store or something he'll be staring at you like an upset dog the second you get close to his homes door for any reason. he will not break eyecontact until you leave or move away from the door. he'll peak outside just to make sure you're safe, but will try to leave it alone despite his mind desperately telling him that something bad will happen to you if he leaves you alone.

♡ extremely easily jealous. if you ever somehow were to rope s!3v3n in an actual factual public setting ( likely via doing so with steven and something happening to make him s!3v3n during that ), he'd curl his form around you protectively, a hand always on you. it grips tighter whenever he's jealous - not intentionally to hurt you, but just out of impulse.

♡ hair is a lot more wild than usual, sometimes floating a bit off the ground, sometimes even longer than normal? it's also usually even darker than normal, too...

♡ although steven has cooking knowledge when s!3v3n's there, he doesn't really mentally care enough to cook so he just eats frozen meals. its why.. most of stevens kitchen is full of frozen and easy to make meals - because he was in a much worse mindset in most of his years of living at his somewhat decrepit home. said mindset being called Whatever the fuck S!3v3n is.

♡ s!3v3n loves physical contact as mentioned previously, but one thing he likes is to hug you from behind or to rub his cheese-grater feelin' ass chin stubble against your shoulder or something like that.

♡ that borderline certainly can personality a disorder! goddamn!!!!!!!!

♡ he's clingy! obsessive! jealous! terribly paranoid! has a lot of emotions he doesn't know why he feels or how to handle! but he still loves you at the end of the day, he's just easily upset and doesn't know what you want sometimes.

♡ he finds anything strange or new a threat most of the time and will either be cautious or defensive around said things. most true of people, least true of items. i feel like if you poisoned him he wouldn't even feel it so he wouldn't care ( although he does check food for poison if hes giving it to you or miki ). due to this if you want to order delivery or something he will be like "we have food at home." but in a less verbal sense ( probably just dragging you to the kitchen and scrounging around for something to eat that doesn't require social interaction )

♡ while pokemon avoid steven and leave him alone, pokemon and people fear s!3v3n. it's like a magnet aura of people leaving him alone out of fear. this is also kind of canon in strangled red after he gets missingno, where every npc turns away from him after he obtains it. it's not like s!3v3n specifically ever willingly goes out into public settings anyways, but if he were to nobody would bother him out of fear.

♡ if you two run out of food he dreads going to the local pokemart but does it begrudingly, being silent the entire time and just throwing food he wants or needs into his cart. he uh. he doesn't have money after the events of strangled red ( unless he stole mike, gold, or That one kid he presumably killed in strangled's wallet. ) so i don't know how he pays, he just does. or he steals at the dead of night via breaking in. either works. if someone catches him he just turns slowly and stares. the glowing red eyes usually convince them to leave him alone.

♡ he really likes putting his hands through your hair. its soothing and calms him down.

♡ s!3v3n isn't only active when stevens going through an episode, it's just 99% of the time when it happens. but when he just comes out through normal(ish) means, he's pretty passive. just quiet, giving single word responses usually and following you around his house with intrigue. he likes observing you passively throughout the day. just looking at you makes him that much calmer.

♡ sorry if you don't like being stared at s!3v3n does that a lot with his big glowey red eyes. the 'tism. he's staring at you lovingly if you can't tell dw

♡ if anything hurts you he will fucking go after whoever did it. you have to hold him back from seriously hurting anything or anybody. he just growls and stares at whatever hurt you in an attempt to hold himself back but make his intentions known. despite steven himself getting better to a degree, s!3v3n isn't one to be messed with still. He will actually beat your ass and possibly kill somebody over things still, just not as easily since he's ever-so-slightly more well adjusted than he was a few years back.

♡ the only difference is the s!3v3n back then relied on miki and various versions of her to take care of annoyances. s!3v3n nowadays will just beat somebody's ass with his bare hands for the hell of it if they piss him off enough and especially if they are trying to hurt you.

♡ if you two don't live together he'll collect various knickknacks you lose at his house and stash them somewhere safe, close to his bed as a good-luck charm of sorts. he's unironically not trying to be weird, he just thinks its cute and is a little too awkward to tell you that something of yours is left with him... he wants something to remember you by as cheesy as it may seem.

♡ s!3v3n is especially careful to not squeeze you too tight due to s!3v3n allegedly being stronger than steven since he's more emotional in this state than steven is, but at the same time he likes squeezing you a little roughly, but not enough to be uncomfortable. just in a playful and affectionate way. obviously he's mindful of it though, this is the version of steven that did snap his brother's neck after all. as much as he wishes to forget about that.

♡ s!3v3n holds grudges like a motherfucker and will not let them die. he's obviously more forgiving towards partners and usually flags relationship issues as his fault, but he will get vindictive and upset sometimes regardless - he just tries to not act on these feelings and have a moment to himself so he can calm down instead of immediately acting on it like he used to.

♡ doesn't eat a lot. s!3v3n usually comes out when stevens manic / having an episode / extremely depressed, which. Symptom of depression number whatever; Not taking care of yourself. which steven already does, but like stated many times before, s!3v3n is always way worse about stevens flaws

♡ if you like mostly solitude and if you don't like when stevens all snarky to you sometimes, s!3v3n tends to be more quiet if he's happy as stated before. he's just happy existing around you.

♡ often times he'll do his own thing while you do your own thing if the two of you don't want to be super touchy. parallel play behavior. it's usually him taking care of miki while you do whatever hobbies you have.

♡ face is usually shaded over way more than stevens and thats the main visual indicator along with his eyes being glowy usually. which should be known but In case it isn't. oh also he's probably taller or bigger sometimes in this state.

♡ he has a lot of issues but he's trying his best! big scary animalistic boyfriend who is always thinking of giving you a little smooch and cuddles all over.

♡ i'm writing too much and a lot of this boils down to the same things so im sending the fucking post and worrying about it later. amen.

♡ tldr the type of dude to wrap his arms around you tight to his chest and growl at any sort of threat. overprotective clingy boyfriend x 10.

[heterophobicdyke]

Hey! I'm the anon from 2 days ago who was talking about the lesbian struggles with being desired.

Thank you for your replies, it's a comfort just to hear I'm not the only who's struggled with this.

I used to be very self-conscious in public, very much thinking about what strangers near me on the bus or wherever were thinking about what I looked like, and would like, adjust how I sit so my legs wouldn't look "as" big, that kind of thing. Somehow intensely aware of gender standards and feeling like I was always on trial for passing them or not. Did not know I was gay at the time.

Eventually, with delving into feminism and its theory, it helped me a LOT, to rebel against these thoughts and let my body be, to just think about what was comfortable for me. That was a tremendous change and felt way more free. I went from being hyper aware to not really caring, and feeling my body as the neutral thing it is.

But even with that, it's hard to get to a next step of seeing something beautiful or worthy of compliments in it. I got to a comfortable, freeing stage, of using my body and feeling confident using it, but /looking/ at it and accepting compliments is still very difficult. I'm grateful for it, see it as my vessel, but not much beyond that, and that, I believe is why it's hard to comprehend why my body could elicit desire in someone else.

Like yeah I'm not attracted to myself, I get it, but still weirds me out a bit that anyone can be? I think you said it was helpful to you to have women fall in love with your mind, and I completely agree, I think that was essential for me to have this foundation because I doubt I could pursue a romantic relationship if that wasn't the case.

Still, someone else wanting my body doesn't feel like wanting me, I guess, I feel separate from it even though I am comfortable in it. Being in it is great; looking at it creates the separation. So that's an odd one to figure out, cause I don't actively hate my body?? I do push away compliments because they feel silly and I know that's not good, I'm trying to be better at thag, but I genuinely don't know how to take them, except nodding politely and saying thanks. Like it doesn't turn me on to hear compliments, it does the opposite 'cause then the focus is on me. Which I feel like is a key difference when I read about people being self conscious? Seems like being complimented affirms them and makes them feel better.

Agh, this is already a long message so I'll leave it here for now. Hope it's not too much :') It is nice to share with other gay women 🩷

bestie we are on the same dang journey. "But even with that, it's hard to get to a next step of seeing something beautiful or worthy of compliments in it." YES! i also relate to "someone else wanting my body doesn't feel like wanting me."

like i can understand why someone would fall for my mind and personality, i don't think i lack in that department, but society taught me my body will be the let down. i'm specifically weird about my boobs (not as much as pre-25 tho, age does make it better) because they are just not "pretty." and i'm not into "pretty" aesthetics myself nor care for it as a concept, i'm into strong and androgynous and butch, but the women who are into me typically ARE into "pretty" bc i do have feminine idiosyncracies and vibes despite the assertiveness. and if u are into feminine vibes u usually prefer "pretty," too. which im fine w my face, i do think there's something attractive about it, but not so much my boobs. and yeah i guess im a unique kind of hot that's gonna only be for a unique kinda lesbian. it's always gonna be daunting getting naked in front of someone without worrying we're disgusting them or letting them down. but maybe we need more faith in the one we're fucking

so the hard part is trusting. trusting the woman who desires us actually does. and has more character than to be turned off bc we have "big legs" or a certain type of boobs. and that can be difficult to tell bc many lesbians are just looking for a partner for the sake of it or loneliness and, being women, tend to have sex they aren't enthusiastic about--even with other women--because they're deprived of their own subjective desire by heteropatriarchy so take on the passive role. or if they do have active desire, they don't know what to do with it bc we simply arent taught (unless u include the anti-feminist porn way we're taught to desire and be desired but that's not healthy). that's why i'm into andro/butch because there's a lack of regard for the male gaze in their presentation, which is hot, and they're typically less passive/male gazey about themselves when it comes to intimacy too. i'm into the smart type of woman who would rather go single than date someone they're not into and that's what set me on the healing process. i can trust someone genuinely desires me if i have enough faith in their character that i know they'd prefer being alone than wasting time on someone they're not

so maybe the key for you is to do your partner the service of trusting her. see it more as offensive towards her that you find her desire untrustworthy. unless ofc there is something u genuinely dont trust about ur partner and need to break up (which i dont think is the situation as you've consistently implied/said she's a great person who truly cares about you)

[moonshynecybin]

other than rosquez and bezz and cele who comples u the most from the current (or past) grid?

okay so i am truly a baby motogp fan so im still feeling it out but!!

im interested in the pedrenzo lore but dont know enough about it! i just enjoy when men hate each other comma weirdly. so someone evangelize me about it

but the bulk of my braincrazy this weeks has been regarding casey stoner. he compels me sooo much i love a hater. more detailed under the cut but i get personal~ so read at your own risk i guess

actually so. hmm. VULNERABILITY ALERT: the thing is. i do somewhat. relate to casey in lots of ways. like looking at a person like marc marquez its easy to call him crazy (and even easy to call less reckless riders crazy) because its a very dangerous sport with lots of injuries but i do kind of get it. because i know a LOT of people like marc and the other riders. like my entire family is like that lol. family motto is "but did you die?" and like sometimes its close!! adrenaline junkies allllll of them

basically! i was heavily involved in a very niche extreme sport (whitewater kayaking) from a young age bc my parents (and brother) were/are very very good kayakers. some of the best in the world for a bit there. like for context: i know multiple olympians and did a few clinics with people who are now olympians when i was a kid/young teen before i quit. and my dad really wanted me to be an elite kayaker bc i was a little better than my brother. not as intense as some dad/coaches but its like. hard to articulate how integral to the fabric of our family this sport is. and how many people i know who have drowned/been permanently injured from it and how everyone i know loves the sport despite that, in ways that are really hard to understand from outside of it. like yes they are crazy (and marc is crazy) but if any one of us was away from a river for more than a month at a time we WILL go insane including myself.... theres photos of me being conerningly young in the cockpit of a kayak that i look at now and im like. who let me do that lol.

so its interesting for me to get into motogp with all these kids staring way too young and knowing each other and coming up in the sport and sacrificing their safety at the alter of a death sport they love so, so much because. hey i lived that! people i love still live that! im involved in the industry still! i cant let whitewater go, even if i do a less dangerous version of it now!

but i quit! because i was battling anxiety. which is an already alienating experience but ESPECIALLY when your entire life is dominated by a sport that is exclusively for people with maladaptive adrenaline responses lol. and when i was reading stuff that casey said about his retirement and how he would lie in his motorhome wanting to die before a race and then just. tell himself to suck it up bc he couldnt let people around him down.... well. same! i would literally cry before every kayak clinic or river trip for years until i had enough and fucking quit! and then i grew up, got an anxiety medication prescription, and started doing forms of the sport that didnt rely on me being strapped in to a vehicle under water and freaking out all the time and im generally in a much better place with it. but its kind of an impossible thing to explain to my peers who kayaked as kids who have the OPPOSITE of an anxiety disorder, who are also the only people who have that specific experience as being a kid raised in the sport bc the sport is sooo small. and i imagine casey deals with something similar.

so this has been DISGUSTINGLY vulnerable but its casey. he gets me i get him. we are holding hands