#bc we’d been talking about art

[3terna15unshin3]

Connected

—

A/N: idea came from this ask, so thank u anon🥰🥰 it was so fun to think of how Matty and Este’s relationship was seen from the other side like what fans pick up on, and also establish how much they decide to share with fans vs keep to themselves. this concept is so interesting to me but i had a hard time writing from the pov of a fan hahaha so i just did it this way instead :))

This obvs is based heavily on TBSG lore so none of this makes sense if you haven’t read the main fic - go do that first!! and also check out the Instagram AUs, they add to the pizazz

—

“Love, look what I just saw on Twitter. This is hilarious.”

Este points her phone screen towards Matty as they sit in bed on a Sunday morning. He yawns, tired and still half asleep, then blinks his eyes a few times to read what she’s showing him. It’s a tweet from a fan that sits in her mentions from a couple of days ago when a clip from his Zane Lowe interview resurfaced.

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

thinking about the fact that matty mentioned meeting e.manansala when she worked at a bookstore in manc to zane and in this 2018 interview he said his fav spot in the city is Greenhouse Books …….. what are the chances this is the same bookstore bc that would be so😭😭😭💔💔💔💔 https://manchesterwire.co.uk/?s=matty+healy+give-yourself-a-try/arts&culture/article

jaymie SAW UNDO LIVE trmanb1ackk

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND

Hold on you might be onto something

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

→ Replying to trmanb1ackk

right like okaayyy bookstore worker x customer to lovers notting hill pipeline????? 🤭 huge if true

She watches his eyes scan over the text and a fuzzy smile grow on his face. Matty loves talking about Este when he can—to bring some much deserved attention to her writing—and did so often, but does’t always mention many the details of their relationship. That was until strolling around the Northern Quarter with Zane brought a bit of it out of him.

Este is what brings him back to Manchester the most often, from visiting her family and Cate and Georgia to just needing a bit of a homey feeling from its familiar pubs and nostalgic shops. So, naturally, Matty talked about her in the interview done for the release of Being Funny—explaining how they’d met and how much the city means to them both.

“How they put two and two together is beyond me,” he says, scratching his head. “That Manchester Wire interview was five years ago now, you know. Did you ever read that?”

She chuckles. “Course I did! We had a few fans come in that summer with the sole intention of coming to a place you recommended, actually.”

“Why have you never told me that?” Matty asks, “You’re welcome for the business, by the way.”

“You never even told me about your little shout out, to be fair. I had to find out on my own,” Este teases. “Plus, we weren’t even a thing at that point—we’d met once! Quite creepy, in retrospect.”

“When you put it like that it’s honestly so cringe so please change the subject now.” Matty buries his head in the bunches of sheets that sit in her lap, embarrassed and frankly too sleepy to defend himself.

Este giggles, letting her hands settle into his curls. “Oh c’mon, you weren’t cringe. I’m just pulling your leg. It was sweet,” she reassures him.

“You’re just saying that because you feel bad,” he whines, then rubs his eyes to try and get the sleep out of them. “That’s so crazy that they dug that up, though. I’m not sure if many people know you’ve been around since then.”

“They probably looked at your life in 2019 and figured you were a rockstar with a new girl in every city but in reality you were calling me to get to sleep every night and doing origami in your free time because it reminded you of me.”

Matty’s jaw drops at her blunt comments. “I was about to get mad but I can’t even disagree.” He sits up, raking the hair out of his eyes. “Do people still use the word ‘simp’? Can that be applied to this situation? Was I a simp?”

She throws her head back, mouth wide, as she laughs at how ridiculous his question is.

“Please don’t say ‘simp’, love. You’re 34.” Este squeezes out between her giggles, “But no, people don’t use that word anymore. And yes it can be applied. And also yes, you were. And still are.”

“Proudly am,” he adds.

She leans into his side and he snakes his arm around her waist. They sit there, Matty only in a pair of pyjama pants and her an oversized tee, scrolling through the funny replies to the tweet and how big of a deal some fans were making it.

“You should respond. Tell Megs that she’s right.”

“Seriously?” Este asks, shocked that he’d want her to engage in something so meaningless and speculative.

But alas, he nods casually with a smile. “Yeah. They seem sweet, and just curious. And maybe being such a simp will give me some brownie points,” confirms Matty.

“God, enough of that word!”

Este e.manansala

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND

Can confirm🤝

liv livmymistake_

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND and e.manansala

MEGS OH MY GOD

Jude 🥾🌎 ittsjudesk

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND and e.manansala

UMMMMMMMMMMM

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

→ Replying to e.manansala

omg hi😭😭😭 are being fr i can’t cope

Este e.manansala

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND

Greenhouse is the bookstore i worked at and is where matty and i met that year:)) and hi💌

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

→ Replying to e.manansala

i think i’m psychic for guessing that🤭🤭🤭🤭

—

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

k now i’m going crazy bc i had no clue him and este had been dating for that long💀 was genuinely convinced it had been 3 years max

Jude 🥾🌎 ittsjudesk

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND

Literally they didn’t post each other until like 2020

sarah🧸 _102sar

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND

I think she was at the 2018 Pryzm show too. Not sure but I was at the after party and remember seeing her there lol

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

→ Replying to _102sar

WHAT…….. this lore being uncovered omg

“Someone recognises you from the Brief Inquiry album release show?!” exclaims Matty in disbelief. “There’s no way.”

They still sit in bed as Este types away, having fun interacting with the small group. He leans his head on her shoulder and watches her as she does it.

“They’ve known you longer than I have, you know. They know their stuff,” she responds.

“Even I don’t remember you being at the Pryzm show.”

Este’s mouth falls open in shock, thoroughly offended. “You prick.”

“I’m joking!” Matty defends through fits of laughter. “C’mon E, I’m joking.”

She knows he is, but enjoys the theatrics of it all; shoving his head off her shoulder and scooting away from his touch in protest.

“That was a special night for me! The first time I saw you play and met the guys! Don’t make fun!” Este pouts, crossing her arms playfully.

“Fine. I take it back, I take it back,” Matty begs, dragging her back over to him and bringing her legs over top of his. He grabs her hand and places a kiss on her palm. “I remember meeting Cate, and introducing you to Louis. And Ross making fun of my gallbladder surgery, and leaving Cate on the dance floor to get drinks, and screaming at each other over the music at the bar. You telling me about the anniversary party. I very much remember!”

“Okay, okay. Enough gushing. I forgive you.”

Matty pecks her palm once more and shuffles her even closer. “Open Twitter back up. This is fun.”

Jude 🥾🌎 ittsjudesk

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND and _102sar

This is absolutely shocking bc how did his chronically online ass manage to hide a whole gf that long

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

→ Replying to ittsjudesk

fr!!! like do we think she was on the abiior tour with them bc i swear jordan absolutely fed us with so much bts content it would be impossible to miss?? someone dig

sarah🧸 _102sar

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1D and ittsjudesk

If u scroll back on her IG u can see Matty in her comments since then. And they’d repost each other on their stories and stuff🥲 So not that hidden if ur a stalker like me lmao

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

→ Replying to _102sar

thoroughly upset that i missed so much bf matty content </3

Este e.manansala

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND and _102sar

Ignore me stalking u🤭🤭 i was indeed at that Pryzm show lol but we weren’t dating yet. And during abiior tour I saw a few UK shows but otherwise i was just in Manc working/being a bad groupie x

Este e.manansala

→ Replying to PL4YINGONMYM1ND

Also matty is sitting beside me now and he is cool with me filling u in (it was his idea) and he says hi. and that u guys are cute

megs ⎕ PL4YINGONMYM1ND

→ Replying to e.manansala

ohhh yes u are a working woman how could i forget!! bookstore worker/groupie same difference. thank u for responding😭 u are the coolest❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 (also hi matty😳)

Jude 🥾🌎 ittsjudesk

→ Replying to e.manansala

Hi Matty sorry for calling u chronically online x

Este e.manansala

→ Replying to ittsjudesk

He forgives you (but it’s true imo)

liv livmymistake_

→ Replying to e.manansala

este wait i have to know …. since u are a former bookstore girlie turned writer are u the reason matty periodically spam posts a bunch of literature on his instagram stories???? did u convert him to bookstoregirlieism??

Este e.manansala

→ Replying to livmymistake_

I am obsessed with the idea that he was illiterate before meeting me so i’m gonna say yes. thank u for that

Este e.manansala

→ Replying to livmymistake_

Liv it’s me I stole the phone and don’t appreciate this sentiment tbh. You should know I’ve always been a wanker so all the literature spams are just me letting that out and este just enables me. hope that helps x Matty

[rodolfoparras]

RODOLFOPARRAS END OF THE

YEAR APPRECIATION POST

Hello sugar cubes!

Since the year is coming to an end I wanted to take my time and make an appreciation post for everyone who’s shown support and appreciation for me and my blog!

@its-ares thank you so much for being one of the very first people to follow me and for showing so much appreciation and support for my work when I first started out!

@lieutnt one of the writers I looked up to and admired when I first started writing on tumblr, when u first followed me I thought you’d done it by accident but I’m glad it wasn’t, forever ur #1 fan 🔈

@miguel-owhora genuinely consider you a friend you feel so familiar if that makes sense?, always so supportive and appreciative of my work always so kind and sweet to me

@bonesnmore also known as 🚹 anon will forever and always appreciate the period where we’d be absolutely unhinged about any and every kink and any and every cod character (especially graves) I’m so happy you decided to make ur own blog and it’s been absolutely amazing seeing you grow your following 🫶🏻

@alligatorstomachacid always so much fun to spitball ideas with you, i always feel like someone is listening or reading my posts bc you’re always there to talk to me about them 🫶🏻

@agoofyannoyancetolaw also known as ⚰️ anon who checked in on me daily and is always so supportive and appreciative of my work I absolutely love seeing your work on my dash 🫶🏻🫶🏻

@gazmialmagemela also known as 🐻‍❄️ anon literally such a sweet and considerate person both off anon and on anon I’m so glad you started your own blog bc as I once said you are so skilled at writing such vivid stories and I absolutely love seeing you grow

@thegnomelord I have to mention the person I co parent with who’s an absolutely amazing writer and deserves sm more appreciation and support

I started my blog in March I think but had properly started

gaining followers in June and these are the people that

basically made me fanboy when they followed bc it felt like

such an accomplishment

@yourftmfriend ✨ @pastelclovds✨ @odetodilfs ✨ @astroknottt ✨ @fatigueeed ✨

Skilled writers and artists that deserve so much appreciation and support

@gildedkrone 🪐, @tamago-art.🪐 @batfleshh 🪐, @topmalereaderblog 🪐@kingambrosious🪐

Last but not least I want to thank the beautiful council aka my anonies who have been nothing but appreciative and supportive of me and my work may all the good you have given me return to you 10x and here’s to another year of sexualizing old men (price)🎇🎇🎇

🌷 anon, 🔮 anon, 💉 anon, 🦩 anon, 🐺 anon, 🐍 anon, 💎 anon, 🐱 anon,💓 anon, 🔪 anon, 🎸 anon, 🎭 anon, 🤠 anon, 🕷️ anon, 🪐 anon, ⛈️ anon, 🐊 🌈 anon, 🦷 anon, 🐕 anon, 🍱 anon, 🗝️ anon, 🔭 anon, 👾 anon, 🐶 anon, 💤 anon, 🎵 anon, 🕸️ anon, 🌶️ anon,🖼️ anon,🌃 anon, 📢 anon, 🃏 anon, 💭 anon,🧮 anon,📚 anon, 🧬 anon,🎲 anon, 🐈 anon, 🪶 anon, 🕊️ anon, 🎥🎞️anon, 🫁 anon,🫀 anon,🚭 anon, 🧪 anon, 🐙 anon, 🐐 anon, 🗿 anon, 🐾 anon, 🐁 anon, 🛹 anon, 😈 anon, 🦝 anon, 🪔 anon, walkie talkie anon,💋 anon🐺 anon,🪽 anon,🐕 anon,🎸 an,🐛anon, 🪢 anon, along with everyone and anyone who’s been sweet and kind to me

Happy new years sugar cubes!!!

[oldiesstationlover11607]

hellooo again!! i loved what you did with the dun!reader x tyler fic, it was exactly what i had imagined thank you!!:3 i’ll definitely be a regular here, you’re writing is TEWWW good not to be one 😁 id also love to be 🦝 anon if that works??

anyways id love to see an angsty fic, where reader & tyler are at an party or some sort of event and reader is spending a lot of time talking to her old childhood friend. and while tyler knows the reader would never hurt him, and that there was nothing going between reader and this guy. blurryface gets the best of him. so when they leave the party early because tyler has a “headache” and when the car ride home is nothing but silent, reader speaks up about it. and blurryface tries to argue with reader, paint her out to be this villain. but reader knows how to help tyler, she knows exactly how to save him from himself. i even if blurryface’s words hurt at first.

i hope i explained that correctly ☝️ but yeah just a angsty argument moment & once reader realizes she just has to save tyler from blurryface, she just reassures him until he’s safe.

again thank you so much for writing my request!!:) i have sooo many random ideas that id love to share with you, i truly enjoy your work soo much <3

- 🦝

Jealous - Tyler Joseph x Reader

Relationship: Tyler Joseph × Reader

Warnings: Blurryface, strong language (I did use swears lol), and Tyler being jealous - angst

Word Count: 2734

A/N: Hello 🦝! I'm glad you enjoyed the Dun!reader fic and thanks for coming back and requesting :) This was super fun to write bc I have an event with my guy best friend this weekend and lots of people that are going to be there haven't met him so I was able to take inspiration – hopefully it doesn't end up like this! Hope you enjoy!

We’d been planning this festival for months, 17 youth bands from Columbus, Ohio were set to play in a medium sized local venue over Saturday and I couldn’t have been more excited. Tyler had promised to  come as a guest and watch the bands. I’d asked him to have a chat with a few of the kids who I knew were fans and genuinely interested in taking their music further and into a professional sphere. 

“How’s this?” Tyler stepped out of our closet wearing a black hoodie, black jeans, and a baseball cap, doing a little spin. 

“Perfect,” I smiled, finishing my makeup in the mirror with my favorite music blasting from the speaker Tyler had installed in the ensuite bathroom for us. He fell back onto our bed, spreading out into a starfish position and staring up at the ceiling. “You look tired,” I laughed, looking at him through the mirror. 

“I am,” he responded, pulling down one of his pillows from the top of the bed. I grabbed my bag and slipped in my phone, keys, lip balm, and a comb. 

“Well you’re gonna need to wake up if you’re going to be speaking to these kids,” I said. Tyler sat up, letting out a loud groan that echoed through the bedroom. He opened his arms out to me, welcoming my presence between his knees. Resting his head against my chest, he pulled me in close enough that he was practically breathing me in. “I’m excited,” I smiled, knowing my hard work was finally paying off and that all of the kids I’d gotten to know over the last few months were getting the opportunity to showcase their art in front of people who truly understood them. 

“I’m excited for you,” he mumbled, his voice muffled through my shirt. His body heat felt comforting and the last thing I wanted was to step away. It was going to be a stressful day and any minute away from him would just make me more stressed, he was my own personal stress reliever. “We should get going,” I pulled away from his embrace and helped him onto his feet. Normally Tyler drove us places because I took control of the aux to play our shared playlist. We got into the car and almost immediately music started to flow around the car, the two of us singing as loud as we could and shimmying back and forth with the bass. The venue was about half an hour from our house and I’d gotten a couple text messages from the crew to let me know they were loading things in including camera equipment and the shared drum kit each band was going to use. We turned the corner and drove in through the back entrance, parking just to the side of the loading bay. Everywhere I looked there were people running back and forth carrying equipment and talking to the bands. It felt like just yesterday that Tyler and I were setting up for twenty one pilots’ shows together while Mark filmed everything. I missed it, I missed having a camera shoved in my face by one of my best friends–it was fun. Tyler jumped out of the car and ran over to my side, offering a hand for me and not letting go once I was down. We walked into the venue, music playing over the radio to keep everyone entertained during the long waiting hours. That was when I saw him–Luke. I stopped right there in the middle of the walkway, my breath caught in my throat. 

“Y/N?” he paused, his eyes meeting mine for the first time since high school. My heart was beating in my ribcage, the feeling vibrating throughout my body and straight into my hand, which Tyler gripped tightly. His brows furrowed as he looked at me with concern. 

“Luke?” Tyler tilted his head slightly. I let go of his hand and ran straight into Luke’s arms. “Oh my god, what are you doing here?” I gasped. 

“I thought I’d fly in and surprise you! I’ve been helping a bit behind the scenes with promotional stuff,” he looked down at me with a grin. 

“How long has it been?” Tears of joy started to well in my eyes. Luke was my best friend in elementary school, middle school, and even high school–our friendship lasting longer than 10 years. 

“Eight years Tink,” he said, ruffling my hair. ‘Tinkerbell,’ the nickname I’d adopted in middle school. I remember it like it was yesterday, the summer when our families went to Disney World together. Luke and I grew up on Disney movies and when we finally saved enough money to go to the parks we were so excited. Like the amazing friend I was, I forced Luke to stand in an hour-long line with me to meet Tinkerbell only to get heat stroke and have to step out of line. I cried and cried about how bad I felt about wasting his time but the whole time he sat by my side waiting for me to feel better before dragging me off to Walt Disney’s Haunted Mansion and forever cementing my name as ‘Tinkerbell’. 

“Sorry, Tink?” Tyler interrupted. I stepped back from Luke who chuckled. 

“Short for Tinkerbell. It’s a long story. You must be Tyler, I’ve heard so much about you,” Luke beamed, reaching a hand out to Tyler who shook it firmly. 

“Interesting, because I haven’t heard anything about you,” he mimicked sarcastically. Luke’s face dropped looking at me with confusion. He’d never come up in conversation, Luke moved out of state after high school, going to New York for business school. 

“We were friends at school,” Luke explained before looking back at me. “The kids are already here if you want to come say hi, they’re all super excited to meet Tyler.” I nodded, following him as he walked ahead. Tyler reached down and grabbed my hand strongly. Something was off, he was standing taller and felt more serious than he normally was. 

“Are you okay?” I whispered into his ear–he had to lean down to properly hear me. 

“Yep. Fine. Absolutely fine.”

“Tyler if you feel sick or something you can go home, I can stay here with Luke,” I began, rubbing the pad of my thumb against the back of his hand. 

“I said I’m fine,” he insisted. As we entered the backstage area where all the kids were he turned on a smile and went to greet everyone. The room instantly filled with cheers and squeals as he was quickly swarmed and disappeared from sight, leaving Luke and I alone. 

“Do you need any help with setting stuff up?” I asked, turning away from Tyler and trying to make myself useful. 

“Actually yeah, you could help me put together the gift baskets for the bands,” he nodded, leading me further down the hall into a dressing room full of brightly coloured baskets, bags of candy, drum sticks, guitar picks, and more gifty things. I jumped over the covered floor to a small square of carpet which was clear enough for me to stand. “So, what’s up with this Tyler guy? You told me he was chill but he was anything but that,” Luke spoke, kneeling down and grabbing a basket. He was right, Tyler was generally relaxed with the exception of a few work things with the band when he really locked in. 

“I don’t know Lou,” I ran a hand through my hair, “he normally is.” 

He shrugged and let out a sigh. “Maybe he’s jealous of my amazingness,” he bragged, fitting a pack of guitar strings next to the box of chocolates in his basket.  

“As if,” I scoffed, throwing the ring of ribbon to him. “I’m dating the frontman of one of the biggest bands on the planet and you’re… you,” I laughed as Luke placed a hand on his chest in mock offense. As Luke and I continued to fit each gift into the baskets we began to talk about the past. We reminisced on the make believe games we used to play, the popular girls in middle school who thought they were ‘all that’–who apparently these days were working at gas stations and malls–and that one time our math teacher talked about his couples therapy in class. I could barely breathe as Luke mimicked the teacher’s voice, clenching my stomach and gasping for air. 

“Oh my god, remember when he got on his knees in front of Kate and started praying for her to pass the exam?” I laughed as Luke gasped, continuing his perspective of the story. I could hear the thumping and humming of the bands playing as they started to roll out on stage–I couldn’t have been more proud. 

“What about Dylan, do you remember him?” Luke asked. We’d moved closer together as the empty baskets became perfectly full and were placed on the table I’d decided needed to be covered in pink paper.

“Shit that breakup was the worst. I was the a fucking mess,” I scoffed. Dylan was my high school boyfriend and for most of our relationship I was deeply in love with him–except for the day I caught him making out with Kathy from biology. It took me months to get over it, months of watching Disney movies and scoffing ice cream on Luke’s couch. It was so bad that our parents actually let us stay at each other’s houses. 

“I know, I was there,” Luke laughed, cutting the end of the ribbon he was tying. “I’m glad you’ve found your person though, he’s lucky to have you Tink.” Finishing another basket, I placed it on the table, finally able to move around the room as we’d finished about half of the job already. Just as I was about to go back to my spot I saw Tyler standing in the doorway. 

“Hey,” I smiled, opening my arms to him as he weaved his way around the baskets towards me. “How were the kids?” I looked up at him noticing he was picking at his hands–an anxious habit he’d formed. 

“Good,” he responded. 

“Are you okay man?” Luke asked, looking up from the bow he was tying. Tyler’s fists clenched. 

“I’ve got a headache, you know?” he gestured to his head. “I think we should head home Y/N.” I didn’t want to go home, I wanted to watch my hard work pay off and hear the music. 

“Oh I can give her a ride home after is she wan–”

“No. I–I–no,” Tyler interrupted. I stood up and interlocked my arm with his but he shrugged me off. I mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ at Luke who flashed me a sympathetic look. I hated having to leave him, I’d missed his company more than I thought I had–all of the memories flooding back in a manner of hours. 

“Okay,” I nodded, placing the basket I had just finished on the table and smiling sheepishly at Luke. Tyler walked stiffly to the door and out to the car without a word. 

“See ya Tink,” Luke waved, “I’ll text you.” 

I ran out after Tyler towards the car seeing him already sitting in the driver’s seat with the engine running. His posture was perfectly straight and expression blank. I climbed into my seat and turned to him, placing a hand on his thigh. 

“Are you okay to drive?” I asked, genuinely concerned about what was happening to him. Either he was telling the truth and had a headache or something much worse was about to happen. 

“It’s fine,” he snapped, driving out of the lot. I reached for the aux cable to plug my phone in, hoping some music would help him feel better–it usually did. “Don’t. Please,” he spoke, his hands gripping hard onto the wheel. I nodded and sat in silence the rest of the way home, staring out the window. As each building passed us I felt worse and worse, an ever expanding pit of anxiety forming in my throat. Tyler didn’t say a word but as we got closer and closer to home he would occasionally let out a groan or wince of pain. We wheeled into the driveway and came to a stop, Tyler jumping out of the car and running into the house. Immediately I chased after him, catching the front door as he attempted to slam it. 

“Tyler!” I shouted, causing him to stop and look at me. His eyes were red–bright red. Fuck. 

“I don’t want to talk to you,” he snapped, raising his arms to cover his head. He was trying to hide Blurryface from me. 

“Blurry come on. Talk to me,” I said. 

“I don’t need to hear you talk about him. I don’t want to hear you talk about him. You ditched me the whole day to hang out with him,” he started a path of no return, we were going to have that conversation.

“Tyl–We–He’s…We’re not…” I tried to explain it but couldn’t get my words out.

“Save it Y/N. I saw the way he looked at you, the way you hugged him. God you’re such a slut,” he seethed. My jaw dropped. The same words high school bullies spat at me were coming from the mouth of the person I love the most–the person who I’d decided to spend my life with. 

“You’re awful,” I sniffled. 

“And you’re not?” he continued to push, his eyes glowing brighter than before. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to unleash hell on him but it wasn’t Tyler speaking and I knew anything I did to Blurryface would just hurt Tyler more than he already was hurting. 

“He’s gay,” I blurted. “He’s gay, there is nothing going on between us and there never has.” I wiped the tears falling from my face. It wasn’t my thing to tell him, Luke was out and everyone who knew him knew he was gay–in fact even those who didn’t know him could seem to tell. Almost instantly Tyler’s eyes turned from the flaring fiery red to a bloodshot brown, his shoulders falling. 

“What?” I could tell he felt awful, the buildup of guilt obvious on his face. 

“I said, he’s gay, and there isn’t and never has been anything going on between us. He’s my friend Tyler.” He held his hand in front of his mouth, shaking violently. 

“Oh my god. I’m awful, I–I called you a–” he started to bawl and I pulled him in close. 

“It wasn’t you Ty. It’s okay, it’s okay,” I hummed, rubbing my hand up and down his back and tears streamed down his face. Tyler buried his face into my shoulder, his body trembling with every sob.

 “I didn’t mean it. I swear, I didn’t mean it,” he choked out, his voice cracking.

“I know, baby. I know,” I whispered softly, keeping my arms wrapped tightly around him. My heart ached seeing him like this, so consumed by Blurryface’s anger and his own self-hatred.

“I can’t believe I let him do that… I can’t believe I said that to you. I’m so sorry,” he kept repeating, guilt lacing every word. I pulled back just enough to see his face, placing my hands gently on either side of his cheeks. 

“Tyler, listen to me. That wasn’t you. I know you, and you would never say those things. I’m not angry at you. I just want to help you through this.” His eyes, still red and puffy, searched mine, like he was desperately trying to believe my words but couldn’t let go of his shame. 

“But I hurt you,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. I shook my head gently. 

“I’m okay. I’m here, aren’t I? I love you, Tyler. Nothing he says, nothing Blurryface does, can change that.” He let out another shaky breath, his forehead resting against mine. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that. You deserve all the love in the world, and I’m going to keep reminding you of that until you believe it,” I said, my voice firm but gentle. For a moment, we stayed there, wrapped in each other’s arms, the weight of everything starting to lift, even if just a little. Tyler’s breathing slowly steadied, his tears drying as he leaned into my touch.

“We’ll get through this, Ty. Together.”

He nodded, his voice still raw. “Together.”

//

Requests open!

[grimmweepers]

RYUUU i’m here for (a very late) selfship thursday >< how do you and mr lucifer wind down at night? especially after a long busy day !! do you talk about each other’s day over a cup of coffee in bed? or is it some quiet alone time? maybe even just cuddling in silence? eeep don’t be afraid to give me all the details !! :3

YUE YUE !!

Tbh, you couldn’t have picked a better time to ask since I’m actually unwinding rn, so I’ll just picture him here with me hehe. How I unwind really depends on my mood, but my favourite and simplest way is literally just laying down. So, I imagine myself sprawled out on the bed like a starfish while Lucifer is nearby, pouring himself a glass of wine while wearing his peepaw robe. He’d offer me one too, and most of the time, I’d say yes! If not, I normally ask for tea ><

I can picture him moving around the room, doing a million little things while I stay in one spot. He’d turn on the gramophone, sit next to me, admire his art decor, sit back next to me, then get up again to refill his glass. It’s like he has ants in his pants. Meanwhile, I’d be the one doing all the talking, especially if work’s been a nightmare. Eventually, he’d start talking too, and before we know it, it’d turn into this long talkfest, with time just slipping away. Suddenly, it’s already time for bed!

I’d probably complain about being too lazy to get up and take off my makeup, and he’d sigh, cross his arms, but then entice me by saying we could shower / do our nightly skin routine together. And paint me the silliest girl in the world bc it works every time 🤡.

Now, I know this man does NOT get into bed until the exact moment he’s ready to rest, so on quieter days when I don’t feel like talking, we’d just read together. We’d start at opposite ends of the couch, but little by little, we’d end up scooting closer until the books are forgotten, and we’re just cuddling instead. Honestly, those nights are the best :( Lucifer genuinely gets pissy if something inconveniences him while we’re meant to have some down time together.

Not to be naughty but we unwind by doing other things too but hurhurhurhurhur I’ll leave that up to your imagination >:)

[jovienna]

my only ‘fanfic-esque’ claim to fame moment in my life was this one time where i interrupted an interaction between these two guys i went to high school with (it was a private catholic college, so yk how it goes) during a popular girl's 16th birthday party. my invitation to the party was due to a pure stroke of luck: i has been seated next to aforementioned popular girl in art class, and was in possession of an innate ability to constantly entertain others (because my appearance was less than averaged & i had to compensate in personality)

halfway through the party i started feel super uncomfortable and urgently needed to take a shit (as one does) so i asked the birthday girl, ‘heyyy where’s your water closet, i need to use it!!’ so she directs me towards the bathroom closer to the back of the house, and was far less crowded. so while the party raged on, i was skedaddling down to the back in sheer pain and agony and craving the sweet release of not death, but my bowels.

but when i approached the bathroom… i could see that the fan was on (like u know when u turn on the bathroom light and it makes that sound that goes along the lines of BRRRRRRRRRRR? yeah, that.) anyways i barely have to open the door (it was already ajar) and i assumed, ‘oh! somebody must have used it recently and forgot to the fan off!’ but no. no. i was wrong. inside the room were two guys from my maths class. aka two of the most homophobic shits i knew. they would say every slur under the sun and constantly picked on our effeminate male classmates and would act confused and personally offended when women would rather pick the bear. these guys were pinning each other to the bathroom wall and piss drunk. one guy was saying stuff like ‘thanks for being such . such a good friend’ & showering his neck in sloppy kisses. but the other was trying to push him off saying . ‘no you told me you wanted to stop this’.

and honestly at this point i didn't even care they were doing all this. i just cared that they were doing it in the bathroom bc i just really needed to shit. so i coughed and spoke up,, ‘can you guys take this somewhere else..? i need to use the bathroom..’

clearly embarrassed because i’d clearly interrupted something that i shouldn’t have… they left the bathroom without a word. with all things said and done, i FINALLY closed the bathroom door behind them and proceeded to take the biggest dump of my life. life changing. i think i lost half my body weight that night. whatever. it was 2021. we were all going through something

i never talked about that ‘incident’ with those boys. not that there was a chance for me to pull them aside without being ‘weird’ (i never dared to go anywhere near their ‘crowd’.), but what would i even say? ‘hey what the fuck was that in the bathroom at so-and-so’s party?’ (because sure, even though we’d known each other since preschool, it certainly wasn’t like that. and at the end of the day, it simply wasn’t my business.)

one of those guys moved away to a fancy all boys school in the big city to further his football career, and we never saw him again. i think he has a girlfriend now. i’ve since graduated and will never get the answers about that night.

[skyedancer-system]

Some people on another post said they were interested in hearing our system experiences (with being a gateway system and other stuff), so here we go!

It got pretty long so we’ll use a cut ^^

We’re a gateway system, which means that our headspace is, in a way, a real place somewhere. For us, we see it as a kind of in-between space between worlds, and that we’re connected to it, an others are as well (more on that later). We call our headspace STAR SPACE bc of how it looks (a bunch of floating islands in outer space; the art in our pinned is mostly accurate to what it looks like) and it just sounds nice ^^

Since STAR SPACE is an in-between, we get new people showing up a lot, most commonly because 1.) Something happened to their world/happened to them in their world, or 2.) They already had an aptitude for world-hopping and ended up in STAR SPACE. The “something happened to them” explanation is the more common of the two in our experience.

We do have one person in particular who world-hops a lot: 🔮Sunny. Crow goes between here and crow’s home world (where he is also part of a system) a lot. He actually spends more time there than here, but comes over every so often to check in, sometimes bringing friends along (first time that happened is documented here (link)). 🐝Bee travels too, but she can’t go back to buzz’s home world for some reason; we aren’t completely sure why. She does tag along with 🔮Sunny sometimes though. Them traveling between STAR SPACE and crow’s system is how we fully realized that it’s an in-between space.

We have had a few people permanently leave, or at least it seems permanent considering how long they’ve been gone and the circumstances around it. It’s different than someone going dormant; when they’re dormant we can still mostly feel that they’re here in the system (down in the void beneath STAR SPACE we’re pretty sure). When someone leaves completely, their presence is 100% gone until they come back (if they come back).

Gateways between STAR SPACE and other worlds tend to form when we get latched onto a certain world that exists in fiction here; it’s why we have so many people in here that we call fictives (though they technically aren’t introjects), and a lot of people from one place or closely connected places tend to come through in a short time (for example, the most recent was Pokémon, and we had 11 people show up in around 2 months, mostly from the same version of the Pokémon world).

We’ve had a couple people end up in the system long before their home worlds were even conceptualized in this world. 🌑Mare and 🔪Omori have been around for well over a decade at this point (though none of us knew we were separate people back then), yet their sources have only existed here for around 7-8 and 3 years respectively. They did not realize who they were until we interacted with their sources, but they were always themselves.

There are only 2 people in here that don’t originate in an outside world; 🐉Night (who was the first to ever split we’re pretty sure), and 🌈Aster (an OCtive who formed as we were making a design). 🌈Aster stands out since he formed within the past year, while 🐉Night has been here since elementary school or earlier.

Like in other systems, STAR SPACE does tend to pull more people through when we’re stressed or going through a hard time. People can show up at any time though.

There’s a lot we still don’t understand, and that we never will, but that’s part of what we enjoy about this! We are always discovering more about ourself, and other worlds in the process! We just wish there were more gateway systems out there talking about their experiences; we want to see how they differ and how they’re similar!

If anyone has questions about anything we’d love to answer them! Talking about our system is something we really enjoy, and sometimes it helps us realize new things too!

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/736353744040722432/well-jm-and-jk-arent-actually-together-and-i

You all really need to get out of shipper spaces and think realistically for once. No one outside of shippers questions their sexuality ever. Even non shipper army can't fathom the fact that any of these men can be anything but straight. Idols have been going for ms forever. Jin and hobi went alone. Are they not makeup wearing idols? Is jimin that weak mentally and physically that he needs jk for protection?

People need to stop portraying jm as some damsel in distress. That man is trained in martial arts ffs. This is such a jikkr mindset. Jk's role on this earth is just being jimin's protector. He made the decision bcs he wants to protect jm 😑. Treat him as an individual for once.

Can we just end this topic now? These same things have been said multiple times to multiple people but people want to stretch it to infinity. This topic has been done to death. Tae and joon are going to enlist in mere hours from now and people are still trying to prove some members' bonds.

Jk and jm are going together. No one knows the reason except for them and their loved ones. We don't know sht about their personal lives and we seriously don't know sht about sk's military and military personnels to be making any claims and speculations.

People are so blinded by their ship wars (esp jikkrs coz I've not seen any tkkr talking about this except for when responding to a jikkr) at this time when the remaining four are going away for 18 whole months.

Just talk about something positive for once people. It's already very depressing

Hi @likeoldlove !

Yes, you are right! I’m catching up on asks a bit (finally feeling a bit better 🤧) but realistically we’re not gonna change our minds and neither are Jkkrs.

I’ve been feeling sad about them leaving all weekend, and probably a bit longer already. It’s.. weird(?).. that it’s already here. But I think I’ve settled into being fine with it already being time, because if they were to leave later.. we’d still have to go through this.. they’d still have to go through this.. and it would only be postponing things. I have faith in them being able to do well.. all of them. And my main hope right now is that they will settle in nicely and find some friendships.

[aroaceconfessions]

Hiii. So I may sound dumb for asking this and I don’t want to sound rude but how do you know you’re Ace? I’ve just found out about it but then I found out there’s different kinds and more? I’ve been questioning myself a lot and I genuinely don’t know what I am because there’s so many things that I get even more confused and I feel like I don’t fit in at all. I say im straight and I’ve said im straight but I don’t know. I always get asked if im lesbian because I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’ll be 25 next year. Heck, I’ve never even held hands with anyone (romantically), let alone kiss someone. My family and friends have asked me a few times if I’m gay or something because of it. I say I’m not, I don’t think I am. I’ve even thought maybe I’m bisexual because I’ve never been with a guy but then I think about it and I don’t think I can be romantically involved with a woman. I never wanted to get in a relationship while everyone was having their little boyfriends and girlfriends bc I thought it was too much of a hassle and it just didn’t interest me. I always thought they were too young (altho at the time we’d be the same age) and I just couldn’t see me getting with someone and doing all that stuff. Even now I just want to focus on myself and I don’t really think I want to get married or have kids. I’m okay with being alone. My family says that I’m saying that now and I’ll want to get married and have kids. I just haven’t met the right man but is it that? My friends tell me how great sex is and I need to hurry up and do it but I’m kind of scared. If we’re being honest the human anatomy scares me a bit. The lower parts of the body kinda gross me out? I don’t like watching porn or really talking about sex like that but I’m okay with reading it. I’m okay with art but not the real thing? I don’t know. Am I the weird one for being like this? Am I just stupid for questioning myself? Am I just straight with weird kinks?

Submitted February 6, 2023

[seokjinsonlyone]

GIRL HELP 😭/lh

I literally choose red lobster because honestly if me and Jin going on a date, it’s probably cause my bag of begging on my knees to bag any bitch I want worked/lh

Like this is very much “pity date turns into 20+ marriage”/lh

Also you and me are the same Fr because when I’m at work I dress like the JK fit but if I’m actually going somewhere I’m probably dressing like a combo of the hobi and tae look.

Additionally, imma add that for the indoor date with jungkook, we finna do some arts and crafts. Like make braclets, keychains, draw, all that type of shit.

i almost forgot about this i purposefully didn’t answer this last night bc i was literally falling asleep while typing and i needed to use this as a launchpad for my other outfits LOL

but first that makes sense LOL jin agrees to go on a date with u bc ur making a scene begging on ur knees his ears and neck are all red and he just wants you to get up so he says yes so you’ll stop embarrassing him and he’s a man of his word so he actually does show up and ends up falling in luv i see it i see it

NOW the moment i’ve all been waiting for ever since i saw it on pinterest WHAT ID WEAR ON MY DATE WITH HOBI now mind you this is jung “bad and boujee” hoseok so we’re definitely going to one of those fancy upscale restaurants that give you 5 tablespoons of food to split for $500 and of course i can’t be looking any type of way in that establishment so im stepping out in this

and bc hobi is so everything after we finish dinner he’s gonna take me on a carriage ride around the han river and he’ll probably have a firework show set up too it’s would be magical <333 and then once that’s over i will probably get embarrassed bc my stomach will be grumbling and so we’d hit up some street food stalls and just chill and talk i would have hearts in my eyes the entire night

[llorando-en-el-cielo]

doing the TC challenge bc i feel i haven’t really introduced my TC :))

1. describe your tc's physical appearance.

~ roughly 5’0, blonde hair with brown roots, wears glasses , has blue eyes and thin lips

2. what was the first thing you've ever said to your tc?

~ i was lost on the first day because i read my timetable wrong so she gave me directions

3. is your tc single or taken? or are you unsure? and are you single or taken?

~ married for 26 years but it’s okay i can fix her, i’m very single

4. is your tc more of the athletic type, the nerdy type or the artsy type?

~ mix of nerdy and artsy, very appreciative of culture, arts and literature, whilst also very interested in etymology and grammar.

5. if you and your to were in high school together, do you think you'd be friends?

~yesss we’re the only people at the school who like her subject so i think we’d have that in common, plus we have a very similar set of interests and want the same things in life sooo!!

6. name one song that reminds you of your tc and explain why that song reminds you of them.

~ Reel Around the Fountain - The Smiths

“It's time the tale were told, Of how you took a child, And you made him old”

“I dreamt about you last night, And I fell out of bed twice, You can pin and mount me like a butterfly. But, "Take me to the haven of your bed" Was something that you never said”

“Oh, people see no worth in you, Oh, but I do”

7. is your tc fashionable or are they more of the simple type? what is one outfit you'd love to see them wear?

~ very simple, just blazers and trousers with the occasional scarf (suits her so well tho, im weak in the knees fr), i’ve seen pictures of her in jeans tho and i’d sell my soul to see that irl

8. would you be willing to become a teacher and teach your tc's subject if it meant you two could be together?

literally what i want to do in the future

9 . does your tc drink or smoke?

~ she drinks but hates smoking and vaping

10. name one item that is always on your tc's desk.

~ idk man that thing is a mess, but she has like unnecessarily big post it notes that she loves sm??

11. has your to ever done anything that has either thrown you off, annoyed you, angered you or bothered you in any way? if so, what did they do?

~ deadnamed me 💀 but she apologised and now we’re bffs so it’s okay

12. does your tc have any past jobs that you know of, before becoming a teacher?

~ waitressing apparently?? but i think that’s just when she was at uni, she’s always been a teacher

13. does your tc have kids or siblings? if so, how many:

~ 3 siblings and 2 children

14. are you taking your tc's class next year?

~ thankfully yes, but it’s my last year with her im gonna be so sad :((

15. has your tc ever met your parents? if you were there, what was the meeting like?

~ yes several times, they’re all very kind to each other but sometimes i complain to her abt my parents so idk how she actually feels abt them lol

16. has your tc ever given you detention? if so, what was it like?

~ never i’m a child of god

17. has your tc ever failed you? if so, how did you react? if not, how would you react?

~ no , i revise her subject for hours a week so i’d be so pissed if i ever did

18. what are your tc's hobbies/interests? are they similar to yours?

~ we have similar interests bc we both like her subject and i’m pretty sure she enjoys photography. i think that she used to knit bc we always talk about that but idk if she still does

19. have you ever spoken on the phone with your tc? what did you talk about?

~ once but before i was attached to her, it was during lockdown and she wanted to tell me how much she liked my work

20. if you had your tc's class during quarantine, what were your zoom calls like? if not, have you spoken to your tc since quarantine?

~ i don’t really remember but i’d love to sit on call with her now LMAO

21. if you had the chance to go anywhere in the world with your tc, where would you go? what would you do?

~ i’d take her to the sagrada familia bc she loves it (and you can get married there)

22. does your tc have any nicknames for you?

~ no but she thoroughly enjoys seeing me in the corridor and just shouting HUMAN at me

23. have you ever cried in front of your tc? why? how did they react?

~ many times, but she’s very sweet and just lets me sit and process whatever is going on, or tries to distract me as much as possible, and it’s against guidelines to touch me but she said she wished she could give me a big hug sooo

24. have you ever walked/drove to/from school with your tc?

~ noo we live on opposite ends of our town :((

25. do you know which teachers your tc is friends with at school? if so, do you like those teachers?

~ i’ve never really spoken to them much but they all seem quite sweet and i can see why she gets along with them

26. why does your tc's voice sound like?

~ AREEGEJEHDHSJSJDJXJJSSJJS THE BEST NOISE EVER JFJDJHEHDKDJDJDDJ ASMR ISTG

27. do you like your tc as a teacher? are they a good teacher?

~ yes, very, a little disorganised but she has the spirit!!

28. does your tc prefer books, shows or movies?

~ she used to read a lot but idk if she still does, but i think she prefers movies to shows

29. is your tc stern or easy going, in class?

~ very strict, avid rule follower but she’s very sweet as long as you respect her wishes and it annoys me that people get so pissy with her about it?? just listen to her?????

30. how would you describe you and your tc's relationship?

~ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i hope she likes me and i do think she does and she always seems quite happy to talk to me?

31. do you address your tc by their first or last name?

~ last name, it feels weird to call her by her first name

[hot-soop]

Happy New Year everyone ♥︎

I didn’t do much thinking or reflection last night, mostly because I fell asleep around 8pm with my children, woke up at midnight to the sound of fireworks from the centre of my little town, and fell back to sleep again. I don’t often express my gratitude well, because I struggle to find the right words to tell people what I feel, but since it’s the New Year, I wanted to make a little effort.

This post went way longer than expected, so here’s a cut scene -

Those who know me well are aware that I’ve had a difficult couple of years - my ex turned out to not be the person I thought he was after over a decade together. In 2021 he did something atrocious and I took our children and moved to the other end of the country - giving up our home, my job, our lives. In early 2022 he finally went to prison. His actions (and the consequences of said actions) took a toll on my children’s and my emotional well-being, and lately I’ve been learning how to be the best single parent I could be.

Alongside supporting my children - 2022 was a year spent rediscovering who I am. Despite it being a challenging time, it was amazing. My business slowly became a little bigger, and I actually started earning enough from that to support myself. I became close to my parents again. My children thrived at their new school. I started therapy! I made new local friends for the first time in years, I’m thankful to know them and have that closeness again (ofc I won’t name them here bc despite being close I’m not ready to share my bts smut with them 💀). 

In February, I met some of the best people in my life in person. We’d already been friends for, what, 18 months? And everyone was talking about a galentines trip, and somehow, before I even knew it, I was on a plane to America (thank you to Lauren & Jess) to meet you all. I was a nervous wreck lmao.

@the-boy-meets-evil - I’ve never met a person who has more time for the people they love. You have a heart of gold, you’re endlessly supportive, so so funny, insightful, and a joy to be around. You light up every room - both physical and digital. I selfishly want more of your hugs. I appreciate everything about you - thank you for showing me what true goodness could be. Your friendship has taught me a lot about myself, and I love my life better with you in it. I want to be there for you in the ways you’ve always been there for me. I love you.

@effortandmore - I’m so glad you’re starting to see yourself as we see you, because you deserve all the love in the world. You are brave and impossibly kind, you make me laugh and cry (with happiness). You’re generous and funny. I’m endlessly in awe of not just everything you’ve achieved - but who you are as a person. I want to be more like you. To be your friend is a wonderful thing. I cannot wait to see you again later this year - more art gallery trips please, cause I love to hear you talk about it. I love you.

@ugh-yoongi - sometimes I can’t believe our friendship started with “hey you seem cool and normal - do you wanna be a mod on my subreddit?” and it quickly became apparent we’re both somewhat unhinged. You are so funny it hurts - literally, you regularly make my sides ache from laughing at 1am. Sometimes I think you don’t know what an amazing person you are. You’re loving and soft-hearted, and your moral integrity is something I truly admire. You hold the people in your life to a standard (so should everyone) and being your friend has made me a better person. You are amazing. Your friendship is a gift and I’m always sending my love to you. I love you.

@bubbleteakittyy - I want you to know how much I admire you, and everything you do. You are courageous, warm, and truly the sweetest person. Seeing you move across the world and make a home for yourself, making new friends and building a life is hugely inspirational. I love your kindness and your optimism and your open heart. I’m so looking forward to seeing you in Copenhagen this year, and I hope now that we’re closer geographically, we’ll be able to see even more of each other going forward. I’m so grateful you’re in my life. I love you.

So much has changed for all of us in 2022, but I’m happy that we have each other. My grandmother always said ‘like attracts like’ and I think that if these are the people who have chosen to be my friend, then maybe I’m a better person than I once thought. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for showing me that. Here’s to 2023 ♥︎

[waitingondaisies]

as i mentioned the other day i’ve been obsessed w the owl house lately and i’ve been channeling that obsession into drawing instead of writing bc i simply do not have time to take on more wip’s (and, oddly enough, i don’t have any specific story inspiration for toh which is honestly so fine w me)

so anyways at first i wasn’t able to redraw a still screencap bc i’d get too frustrated trying to get it Just Right so instead i just kinda tried to draw the character in general, just kinda based on the glimpses we’d get of that character from that angle throughout the episode. thankfully i’ve gotten to the point where i can redraw screen caps reasonably successfully, and i think that the logical next step will be to draw the characters from toh using a reference from something else (probably another simple art style, probably atla now that i think about) and then try using real life references?? maybe??? and then eventually try drawing other characters like scenes from the fanfic i actually do write maybe?? anyways thanks for reading i’m too scared of criticism to actually post anything but i love talking about myself and what i’m up to, so enjoy the me update 💕💕

[thelavendernarwhal]

Hey look! It's the ghost short story I talked about years ago :D

I finished this abt a year ago, but I'm using these characters for art fight, so it felt like a good time to post this. Hope you enjoy! (link to read on wattpad instead bc this is pretty long: https://www.wattpad.com/1459637880-deep-indigo)

----

Something told Mara they should’ve hurt. A strange whisper in the back of their mind said that they should have been in terrible pain, but nothing felt out of place. A tingly feeling settled into their limbs, but it was more like getting injured in a dream; their brain telling them something was wrong when in reality, nothing had happened. 

The outside world filtered in slowly as they opened their eyes and propped themselves against a wall. The first strokes of morning poured through the frosted windows, almost tricking them into thinking that they were at home and just fell asleep in a weird spot. It wouldn’t have been the first time. 

But, their sleep-idled brain couldn’t explain away the rows of desks in front of them.

They shot up, scanning the room and ignoring the fuzziness in their leg. Sunrise reflected off of the cold tiles, coloring the space with warm highlights and cool shadows. Despite coming here every day, Mara had never seen it like this: empty and sterile. To be fair, they’ve never woken up at dawn in their homeroom before, but there’s a first for everything, right?

Walking over to their desk, another strange thing stood out at them: a yellow rose. Huh? There weren’t any holidays coming up and even if there were, who would give them flowers? Mara’s stomach turned. The blossom was light in their hand and cast a shadow over its stem with no note attached. Avoiding any rogue thorns, they let the flower fall back to the table and rubbed their light-green eyes. So this is someone’s bright idea of a prank?

“-anything for us to work on today?” Mara froze as a tired voice cut into the room. 

Of course. Within a random classroom, there’d be nowhere to hide. “Not really. I didn’t think we’d have school.” Turning the handle and pushing the door open, a pair of students walked in with a stack of papers in hand. Out of all days for the student council to use this particular room for their meeting. 

They looked down at their desk and tried to appear like they were looking for something in it. Maybe if Mara could act like they had a reason for being here at the crack of dawn, their peers wouldn’t interrogate them.

“Oh, hey…” They waved, their hand barely poking out of their brown and white sweater.

“Sure, it’s not the first time a student’s passed in the middle of the school year, but this has to be the first time it’s happened on school grounds.” The taller of the two set down her stuff at a front desk without giving Mara a second glance. Or a first glance for that matter.

The other sighed and took out a laptop. “Yeah, the entire back parking lot is closed off. You’d think the teachers wouldn’t want us at school right now with a whole investigation going on.”

There was only so much time Mara could waste looking through an empty desk with no materials on them. Seriously, who’d leave a rose and then take all of their stuff? Maybe the girls saw something. “Hey, have you seen anyone around here…”

“Wait, weren’t they in this class?” Steps trailed over to them. “Mara Lamb, right?” 

“That’s my name.”

“I think so. Someone even left flowers for them.”

The gnawing in their gut intensified. “Umm…I’m right here? Why are you talking about me in third person-” Ice shot through Mara’s veins as one of the girls stepped closer to their vigil. No, not closer. Through them.They jumped back. The student council members started to examine their spot, but they were too freaked out to care. Mara could write off the pair not noticing them, they were never very social around their classmates anyways; even the silent treatment could be explained away, but that? That doesn’t happen. People don’t just clip through the map whenever.

Mara’s breathing switched to shallow gulps of air while their heart pounded against their chest. No, this can’t be real. The weird place, weird people…it could all be a dream, couldn’t it? They ran a relieved hand through their near-black hair. Looking at it like that would explain why two random people at school would be talking about them. Most people didn’t know Mara’s name, let alone enough about them to have a conversation.

A long sigh escaped them. Maybe they could just hang out for a little bit? They’ve always wanted to lucid dream, so this could be a golden opportunity…Wait, what?

Whipping their head towards the hallway, a flash of curls and blue disappeared around the wall.  Since this was a dream (right?), it wasn’t too strange to have people pop up out of nowhere, but something else drew Mara’s attention in. Now that they had something to compare to, the people in the room seemed…muted. Colors that should have been neon appeared dull and the girls themselves seemed miles away: like watching someone through a window or listening to a conversation from the other side of a wall, but not that boy.

With one last look into the classroom, Mara ran past the girls and into the hallway. The first students of the day chatted by their lockers, but that couldn’t hold a candle to the sight before them. The boy was still in the hall, apart from the others seeing as he was floating above the lockers.

“Hey! Who are you?” The boy’s face lit up, but instead of answering, he zipped away. Really?

Lockers blurred by as Mara gave chase. What was his deal? He looked like he wanted to strike up a conversation but wouldn’t stop or even slow down. The twists and turns of the building flew past them against their light paces, almost like their feet were barely touching the ground.

“Wait!” They should have been out of breath by now, but their lungs stayed strong. “Where are you going?”

It was as if the world curved in and flattened within a heartbeat in front of the school’s library. The cheesy lion mascot grinned down at them. It would have been the most unsettling thing in the space if it weren’t for the equally smile-y, flying boy perch beside it.

Before they could regain their bearings, Mara jumped back as the boy flew towards their face. Up close and on their level, he was shorter than they thought but just as vibrant: bright gray eyes with pieces of a dirty-blond wave falling into them, a T-shirt from a sports team that the taller of the two had no hope of recognizing, and a slight dimple in his cheek. The most surprising thing was how normal he looked. If he wasn’t actively hovering in front of them, Mara would have thought he was just an average boy with some personal space issues.

“You can see me?” He asked in a voice that was way too loud for how close he was, shaking them out of their thoughts. “Wait, that means you’re a ghost too! That’s awesome!”

A ghost? “Ummm…what? I’m alive.”

“You must have just popped up.” Finally, he backed up only to start zipping around them, ignoring their statement completely. “This is so cool! I’ve never seen another ghost before. Mara, right?”

“How do you know my name?” They asked defensively.

He laughed. How is being a ghost stalker funny? “You come here all the time and I live here, so it’s only fair that I’d recognize you.”

“Wait, you live here? In the library?” The ghost nodded. “Why? And how am I talking to you?”

Apparently deciding that he spent too much time on the ground, the boy floated back up to the library’s signage, forcing Mara to look up at him. Well, floating didn’t quite describe it. It was more like he could swim through the air with nothing holding him down. “I like it here. New books every week, people to listen to…What more would you want?”

What a loaded question that was. But before they could answer, the library ghost was right back in front of them, this time with a little more space between them. “It feels a little weird for me to know your name and not the other way around, so, hi. My name is Theo.” He held out his hand.

They looked down at it and swallowed deeply. “Will you answer my question?” Mara raised their voice, making the boy pause.

“What’s there to answer?” His genuine curiosity stopped their temper from rising.

“I’m not dead. Or at least…I don’t know how I died if I even did.”

“You were in a car accident. In the back parking lot.” A few words spoken so matter-a-fact it pushed Mara back.

What? The memories flashed before their eyes like a movie on fast-foward: walking out of the building after dance practice, wind whipping around them, a car sliding on the ice- They froze, one hand snapping to the back of their wrist. They took a deep breath. No pulse. 

“No, this isn’t right.”

That can’t be it. They never went to another country or organized their closet like they said they would. They didn’t even make it through high school let alone get to college where supposedly everything would get way better. Dad… he must have been freaking out. A wave of cold dread washed through Mara. They’d never see their family again.

Looking over at Theo, concern filled his eyes as he took a step back. “Ummm…I’m sorry. It might be cold comfort, but I can explain some of this stuff to you. It’s got to be confusing.”

They looked at the hand still extended to them. Once upon a time, Mara would have thought that a ghost’s hand would look blurred and a little sickly, but it was no different than their own. Well, they weren’t a good point of reference anymore. Mara rubbed the glossiness from their eyes and returned the gesture. 

As much as they didn’t like getting bombarded by a supernatural stranger, they had to admit that it was nice to see someone that they didn’t phase through. 

“I guess...nice to meet you.”

He cleared his throat. “Come on in! You probably have a lot of questions.” 

Never two seconds of rest with this kid. Theo raced inside, waiting no time flying to a set of windows that framed the tallest shelves in the room. 

Mara looked around, noting a handful of students clustered around the center tables. “Could we talk down here?” 

They jumped when they noticed Theo was already back on the floor. “Why?”

“It…I’d just rather be here.”

“Okay. ” Despite the fact that he could simply walk, Theo refused to touch the ground as they moved to an open table tucked in the back of the room. He pulled out two seats before sitting on the backrest of his chair instead of on the seat itself. Mara hesitated until they realized how pointless it was. They’re apparently dead and talking to a ghost, what else was there to lose? 

Theo picked up the conversation right where he left off. “I thought you’d want to explore some of the nooks and crannies you can get into now, though.

In return, Mara looked down at the floor next to them. “Maybe later.”

“So, what are you curious about?”

‘Everything’ didn’t seem like a helpful answer. 

“How does this whole ‘ghost’ thing work? I feel like I’m breathing, you aren’t cold and lifeless, it felt like I had a pulse earlier until I suddenly didn’t.”

“I guess it depends on how you look at yourself.” He paused, presumably gathering his thoughts. “It’s sorta like you see yourself as someone with a pulse and warmth and breath, so your ‘ghost-body’ mimics that.”

“Why?”

Theo shrugged. “I don’t know. You’re the only other ghost I’ve met, so I’m my only point of reference.”

“Then… what can you do?”

His whole posture perked up like he was just waiting for someone to ask. “A whole bunch of stuff! Flying, for starters.” Reaching maximum staying-still capacity, Theo zipped up and over to a bookshelf, picking up a well-loved novel. “I can still touch stuff as long as no one’s looking and- Oh.” He looked down at the book in his hand. “Marcy would love this one.”

Before Mara could process it, Theo was on the other side of the room, placing the book covertly on the chair next to a short girl with choppy, brown hair. She glanced at it with surprise, rather than confusion, as she picked it up and read the synopsis.

With that, something clicked; an itching memory of someone, something, leaving great reads for people to find without ever being seen.“Wait..” They got up and ran over to the boy. “You’re the library ghost!”

“Yes? I do live here.” 

“No, that’s not- Well, obviously you’re the library ghost if you live here, but you’re the thing that keeps bringing people book recommendations out of nowhere.”

That made Theo break into a wide smile. “Of course! I’ve pretty much read all the books here, so I’ll pass the really good ones to people who’d like them.”

“Huh. I just thought the librarian was shy.” Although…“But how do you know what books people will like?” Mara asked, creeping toward the bookshelves to anchor themself. 

“You don’t live somewhere this long without learning a thing or two about the people.” He started to drift upward as he seemed to be remembering something. At this rate, Mara didn’t know if he was aware of it or not. “The same people come here day after day, so I notice stuff about them.“

From above, the library must have been a sight to see. A labyrinth of shelving snaked its way through the wings, creating isolated pockets of study space, natural light streaming in from a line of windows perched high on the far wall, even the gentle warmth from the earthy wood and carpet colors, forming what Mara could only assume was Theo’s perfect space. 

Although, on the ground, Mara’s stomach turned with a seed of discomfort that had been rooting its way into them since they saw a flash of blue that morning. Every time they came in here to work or simply read something, this random ghost had been watching them? How much did he know? Did he see them sneaking in during their lunchtime through a back door so they wouldn’t have to eat in the cafeteria? Did he find them laying low at a corner table when their dad couldn’t pick them up for at least another half hour? Mara tried to swallow back a crazed laugh. He probably had enough dirt on them to plant a goddamn whole garden.

Without thinking, they made a break for the exit.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

…Without a plan of where they were going. 

Mara slumped against the locker-covered wall. Their super-charged running led them to the music wing of the building on the clear opposite side from the library, but that wouldn’t stop Theo from wondering where they went and trying to find them. Plus, it’s not like Mara could leave the school for more distance. They learned that the hard way.

They shivered

It’ll be fine. This isn’t the worst spot. The music rooms were always a nice place to be; good teachers, pretty sounds, even some of the nicer students were down here. Plus… 

Mara looked up from their sulking to race down to the auditorium, smiling when a familiar warm-up track greeted their ears. Just in time.

Slowing their pace to a walk, Mara came to a welcome sight. Their dance team was just getting ready to start, stretching on the stage as their warm-up playlist filled the air. With a competition next week, the school would let them take time out of class to practice at the perfect time for Mara to catch it.

They breathed out a relieved sigh. On some days, they’d spent more time in this room than at their house, doing anything from practicing the same routine for an hour straight to lounging on the plush, auditorium seats as they waited for everyone else to show up, sprawling their legs across multiple chairs like a cat in the sun. The stage lights were close enough in their mind.

They ran down the stairs all the way to the front of the house. It was a practice like any other; stretching, a hum of chatter bouncing around the stage, leading to their coach pulling together any announcements for the day. Mara slowed down once more to casually stroll on stage and take their normal spot in the back of the group.

“Did you hear what happened yesterday?”

They tensed up.

The girl in front of them nodded. After over two years with this team, Mara still didn’t know most of their names.

Cutting off the conversation, their coach clapped her hands to get everyone’s attention. “As you all know, we have a lot of work to do and not a lot of time to do it.” Mara could see her look towards the ground and shake her head softly. “Sadly, one of our dancers is no longer with us, but Mara Lamb was a dedicated member of this team who knew that the show must go on. Sarah, you’ll be taking over their part in the routine-”

Mara blinked. A prickly numbness settled in their cheeks.

The coach kept talking, but Mara couldn’t process any of it, their head filling with static; a bucket slowly filling with sand. They…they replaced them. No fanfare, nothing about their ability, just… Dedicated. ‘Well, they tried really hard at this.’

A cool chill snaked up Mara’s arms as their throat tightened up, refusing to let them breathe. You don’t need to breathe. You can’t. 

Not really. 

Not anymore.

They stumbled backward, falling until they could feel the warm, black stage under their hands. The dancers, their team, moved into position, filling in Mara’s spot like they were never there to begin with.

Once again, they found themself sprinting to the exit.

Of course, this would happen. Mara knew, they already knew, they weren’t anything special to the team. Maybe they got a solo in their set, but who were they kidding? The coach probably felt bad for them and gave them the part out of pity, seeing as it was so easy to give it to someone else. After all, the show must go on even if one of the dancers is-

Mara shook their head, bracing themself on the wall just outside the room before sitting down, pulling their legs into a tight ball.

“Hey, what are you doing down here- Oh.”

Their attention shot up, fried as it was, to find Theo standing awkwardly beside a bend in the hall. Standing, not floating. “Umm..are you okay?” Mara huffed into their arms but didn’t say anything. “Guess that’s a no.”

He walked around the area like he was trying to scope out the situation. Mara tensed up when he poked his head into the auditorium. “Are those your friends?”

“...Not really.”

Theo nodded. “Acquaintances?”

“Something like that.”

He grinned, the passive-aggressiveness apparently lost on him. “Man, I didn’t know you did dance. That has to be super cool.”

Mara sighed. “Why are you on the ground?” The words came out more accusatory than they expected.

“Because the flying seemed to make you uncomfortable.” Mara’s eyes flicked up at him, filling with surprise. “Hey, I may not be the best with people, but I’m not completely oblivious. Just…a little slow about it.”

That was able to coax out a tentative smile. “Thanks.”

“So, what are you doing down here?”

The expression was quickly steeled away. “Nothing.” Because that doesn’t sound ominous at all. “Checking on the group in there.” Mara amended, sighing the words into the sleeves of their sweater. Even if it wasn’t fully true, it felt right. “We have a competition soon, but I guess it’s not my problem anymore.”

“Could you show me?”

“Huh?”

Theo paced around with a new spring in his step. “Could I see what you were working on? It might be fun.”

“You could look into the practice. They’ll be working on the exact same thing.” 

“But I don’t really know those guys. They don’t stop by the library that much.” Theo’s excitement doubled at the small chuckle Mara let out. 

It’s not the same as a full audience, but… “It would be nice to show someone.” They admitted. Especially after how much time I put into practicing it.

Theo’s face lit up as Mara stood up, wiping their eyes and walking out to the middle of the hall. Lucky for them, they could hear the starting cords of the dance team’s backing track ring out from the auditorium speakers. They got into their starting pose, back straight, arms resting at their sides, and feet poised with one in front of the other.

“You’re… Don’t make fun of me if I mess up, okay?”

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

They took a deep breath as the music built up into a steady rhythm. The choreography was contemporary, matching the team’s usual style; emotional, dramatic as their coach would say. Big movements with a bigger personality expected from the dancer. That was something Mara always struggled with; being larger than life, not just dancing, but soaring, gliding, expressing. 

But, now, there was nothing to stop them. No need to save anything for the judges, no one left to judge in the first place. The only thing left was to feel the power in the music and all the emotions that they never felt able to show to anyone. It’s funny. They’d never performed like this before.  

Loud applause broke Mara out of their revelry. “That was amazing!” Theo ran up to them. “You were like-” He tried to imitate a pump turn, instead stumbling and needing to catch himself mid-air. “Nice job.”

“Thanks.”

“That must have taken forever to learn.” Theo commented, a stunned smile still lighting up his face.

Mara shrugged in return. “As far as this choreo, not really. It’s mostly the basics that take a while.”

“Could you show me?”

Now, it was Mara’s turn to be surprised. “Okay, umm…You push off the ground and use your arms to keep yourself balanced, moving them with your leg to keep the momentum going.” They demonstrated, only doing two turns.

“Yeah, most of that went right over my head.”

At least he’s honest. “Okay, repeat after me.” Mara stood with one hand in front of them and one to the side, giving Theo a second to mirror them. “The front leg and hand should move together in an opening motion.”

They showed the movement. On Theo, he was a bit choppy with not the best posture, but he got the idea. “Is that right?”

“Yeah. Then you connect that to the spin to keep it going.”

Theo nodded. “I think I get it.” He tried the turn again, this time not fully falling when he lost his balance halfway through.

It took all of Mara’s willpower not to laugh at him, double standards and all. “You’ll have time to work on it.”

“What if…” Slowly, like he was worried about startling them, Theo floated a few feet off the ground. When he gave the turn another shot, he glided through the motions, completely weightless. “That’s not too bad!”

“How can you get traction for that in the air?” They asked, mostly to themself.

He drifted up like a balloon in the wind. “I have no idea. You should try it.”

“I don’t know how.” Not to mention how Mara’s stomach flipped at the idea of not being on solid ground.

“I can show you. You just have to trust that you won’t fall.” When Mara hesitated, Theo came back to the ground and led them over to the wall, placing one hand on it. “Try bracing yourself and just lifting your feet off the ground.”

Mara glanced down at the floor, feeling the presence of gravity more than ever as their brain screamed at them about how people don’t work like that. Well, there’s someone a solid five feet off the ground in front of me, so shut it. 

They took a deep breath, lifting one foot up slowly. “I can do this.” They whispered. Before Mara could question it, they pulled the other foot up, marveling as they stayed suspended in the air.

“Yes! That’s great!” Theo shot himself up so fast that Mara worried he hit the ceiling. “Try kicking off.” Huh? Tentatively, they kicked off the wall, still only a foot off the ground. 

“Like that?”

“Close. You can use the air too.” He pushed himself closer to the floor, getting the momentum, seemingly, from nowhere. They sighed. When would any of this make sense? 

Although…they had something they wanted to try.

They raised their arms and pointed their foot out, pushing off the air into the pump turn they demonstrated earlier. Suddenly, Theo’s fascination with flying made a bit more sense. 

The weightlessness carried every action farther than Mara could ever get pinned to the Earth. From the corner of their eye, they could see Theo going in his own flippy-flying routine close to the roof, but that wasn’t anything new by this point. 

Floating, flying…Any dancer would probably think it was the coolest thing even if the idea of it made Mara a little nauseous. Their coach would probably have a field day. 

Mara paused at the thought before deciding to ease themself back to the wall and floor, sitting cross-legged. “Man. Imagine what the rest of the team would say.”

Theo stopped his freestyle to stand next to them, his hand fidgeting with the hem of his shirt as he stared at the bland, school tile. “...That was the next thing I was going to warn you about.” They looked up at him questioningly. “As ghosts, we can’t interact with the living.”

“I thought you interacted with students all the time?”

“Not really.” He switched to staring at the ceiling. “I can move stuff, sure, but if I tried to talk to someone, no one would hear. Or if I wrote on something, no one would see it. Or, heck, I’ve flown into shelves hard enough to knock them down, but I’d phase through instead.”

A twinge of sadness echoed in his voice, making Mara wonder how many times he’s tried these things. “So, the universe at large won’t let us affect people.”

“Basically.”

Mara rubbed their eyes with the palm of their hand. “How did we get stuck here anyways?” They asked, more to complain than anything else.

Theo slouched down next to them, now leaving a solid foot of space between them. “I think it’s based on attachments.” 

“I don’t think I’m attached enough to this school to be here for all of eternity.”

“Maybe you won’t be here forever. There are tons of stories about people “moving on” after a final attachment in life is severed and school ghosts are pretty common in fiction too. It could be that, as a student who died here, you have more inherent connections to this place. If or when those connections fade, who knows if you’ll stay here.”

“That’s…” Terrifying, ominous, incomprehensible. “Nice.” They took a deep breath. “How long have you been here?”

Theo went quiet for a moment. His foot started tapping against the floor.

“Two hundred years.”

Mara’s eyes widened. “Two hundred years? Is this school even that old?”

“I think so. I would’ve been one of the first classes.”

“Wait,” No wonder he paused at their question. “you don’t know for sure?”

He shrugged. “Not really. It doesn’t matter though.”

A strange conviction built up in Mara’s voice. “That sounds like it does matter.”

“Not really. None of the people I would’ve known are still here, the building is probably completely different… It’s not like I can go back to any of it, so why get hung up about remembering it?”

How could he say that? “Just because you can’t go back doesn’t mean it’s not important. I can’t move back to the house I lived in when I was six, but that doesn’t mean it’s completely irrelevant.”

Theo shrugged again albeit more unsure than last time. “It’s fine, really. It’s not like I have anything to remind me of it anyways.”

“Wait…” 

For a second time that day, Mara dashed away.

“Why do you keep doing that? Sheesh, not everyone has magic ghost-warp powers.” Theo crouched down, gasping like he ran a marathon. Although, if Mara had to guess, he was just being dramatic. “Why are we back here?”

Warp powers? Before that train of thought could keep going, Mara pushed it away. That’s a later problem. Instead, they focused on the room in front of them; Theo’s quaint library. “Because I need to find something.”

Immediately back in top form, Theo perked up. “I can help with that! I know where everything is in there.”

“That’s kind of the problem.” They muttered, hopefully too quiet for him to hear. Mara walked inside without giving him a real answer, heading for the furthest back stacks of the nonfiction section. The shadowed shelves were surprisingly familiar to someone that barely read informational books. After all, this was always the most isolated and quiet area for Mara to hide out, causing them to spend a lot of time with the rarely touched pages. A glance at Theo’s awestruck face told them that he must have had the exact opposite experience. 

That expression quickly soured when he caught a look at the shelf Mara was focusing on; the school’s yearbook archive. One copy of every yearbook from each year the school had been open that Mara paged through on the occasion when they had too much time on their hands.

Surprisingly, Theo was quiet as Mara reached for one of the earliest volumes. Opening it, it had a small dedication on the first page for some members of the school board at the time. They put the book back and pulled out the next book to its right.

This song and dance continued for the next few moments, each new book seeming to double Theo’s nerves. Still, he didn’t stop them. He wasn’t stupid as far as Mara could tell; he must have known what they were trying to do. 

Hopefully, he’ll thank me later. Maybe.

Shortly, Mara’s silent search led them to the third oldest book in the set, dated 1827. A sharp breath alerted them to the fact that Theo was looking right over their shoulder. Hesitantly, they opened the first page…

Only to find a boy’s photograph staring up at them. Mara’s eyes squinted to take in the details through its grainy film. He was short with light hair that curled away from the edges of a newsboy cap, sitting on some stone steps as he looked straight out at the camera with uncertainty in his expression. The jacket-suspender combo reminded Mara of when their English class watched an adaptation of Jane Eyre. Underneath, a short description read, Dedicated in memory of Theodore Andley.

A series of shallow breaths called Mara away from their staring. Theo had stepped back, his eyes flickering between the picture and being squeezed shut. 

“Hey… Are you okay?” They closed the book and stashed it back on the shelf. Maybe this was a bad idea after all.

Theo kept going backward, phasing into the neighboring books instead of running into them, the spines discoloring and warping his appearance. “I’m fine.” The forced cheeriness made Mara’s stomach turn. 

They reach out for his hand, maybe for comfort or maybe to get him out of the shelf before the sight gave them a headache. “Are you sure-”

----------------------------------------------------

If Theo was only given 15 minutes to live, he’d spend it in arithmetic since 15 minutes there felt like an eternity. 

He resisted letting out a long sigh as the teacher finally dismissed the class for lunch, instead brushing off the chalk dust that accumulated on his pants after an hour stuck on one math problem. Why’d he need to learn math anyways? It’s not like a long engineering career was in his future.

On any other day, the classroom would be empty by now. No one really liked eating inside if they could help it, but today, that had to be weighed against the winter storm that hit them a few days ago. Freeze or fresh air. Personally, ‘freeze’ didn’t sound too bad.

Theo picked up his lunch pail from under his desk along with a worn copy of Frankenstein that he snuck from his parent’s collection and headed out to the front door, hoping that no one would notice him. The class’ chatter covertly covered the sound of the door opening, but a few students did bristle at a gust of cold air that worked its way into the room. Still, they didn’t stop him.

Theo let out a deep breath, marveling as it crystalized in the air in front of him. The chill pricked at his exposed cheeks and nose, but it was worth it. Finally, some time to breathe with the cramped, loud building far behind him.

Not that he hated his class. Theo shook his head, despite knowing that there was no one  to see it or hear what he was thinking. ‘Hate’ was such a strong word for his feelings. Overwhelmed, maybe a little annoyed, a ‘drowning sensation of noise that blocked out any scrap of focus Theo had’ was more apt. 

But that wasn’t a problem anymore, not when he was out in the fresh air where the only sound for miles was the rough sway of the trees, scratches of wildlife, and the satisfying crunch of snow under Theo’s shoes. The path he took was well-worn from other afternoons of trekking down to his favorite reading spot: a small outcrop onto the neighboring river.

On warmer days, Theo would sit right on the grass, but the frozen ground made that a bit impractical. Instead, he took the gingham cloth covering his lunch and folded it into a small square just big enough to sit on. Not a perfect solution, but it was enough to stop his mom from yelling at him for soaking his pants through. 

Before opening his book, Theo pulled out a bundle of left-over pancakes from that morning’s breakfast, made cold by the wintery air. Perhaps he could have warmed them by the fire if he were in the schoolhouse, but… He shook his head again.

Anything to escape the cacophony of noisy chewing even if his food could be used to nurse a bruise. Theo swore some of his classmates were related to cows with how they ate.

Another round of sharp winds blew past him causing a shiver to run through his back. Well…maybe staying in there wouldn’t be too bad. Maybe his desk-neighbor would strike up a conversation or the class monitor would want to talk to him about what was stopping him from understanding algebra. Okay, probably not that last one. But what else would they do? Theo’s classmates would probably throw a fit if they had to hear about his books again.

He couldn’t help himself, really. Each new novel had the potential to take him to a whole new world far away from Middle of Nowhere, Midwest. The words of analysis and poetry built up in every loose space in Theo’s head until they had nowhere to go but out, so of course his peers would hear about it. 

But, it didn’t pay to waste his reading time lamenting. To complete his set up, Theo pulled out the book from a protective pocket in his jacket and laid it open on his lap. 

Chapter 12

"I lay on my straw, but I could not sleep. I thought of the occurrences of the day. What chiefly struck me was the gentle manners of these people, and I longed to join them, but dared not. I remembered too well the treatment I had suffered the night before from the barbarous villagers, and resolved, whatever course of conduct I might hereafter think it right to pursue, that for the present I would remain quietly in my hovel, watching and endeavouring to discover the motives which influenced their actions.”

Theo couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be left alone like that; staying out by the wide river because he wasn’t allowed inside rather than by choice. Either way, his peers wouldn’t do that. Sure, they probably weren’t the fondest of him, but Theo couldn’t think of anyone who truly disliked him. Disliking him seemed like it’d take too much effort, frankly. 

Yet… no one’s ever asked where Theo went during break nor had anyone tried to come with. They’re simply busy. It’s too cold outside for them. Who’d want to spend time with me out in this weather?

Theo frowned. His reading time wasn’t supposed to be like this, all sad and morose. He started to pack up his things despite just setting them out. Book back in pocket, remains of his food back in the pail, gingham square in-

As he sat up, the wind snatched the fabric out from under him. “Hey!” He called. Theo reached his hand out, hoping to snag it before it drifted into the river. As he stretched, his foot caught on a branch hidden by the snow.

It was as if the world flipped itself; ground falling away from him being replaced with sky. The water hit Theo like a brick, piercing and icy, sending all of his nerves into shock. His clothing quickly soaked through as he flailed his arms in an attempt to stay above the surface.

The heavy fabric cocooned around him, dragging him further down. Even worse, Theo could feel water sinking into his book; ink smudging on the page, paper warping beyond recognition, the little world inside drowning. Still, he kicked and bobbed in the water. Ice filled his lungs as he went under again causing his cheery curls to lay plastered to his forehead. 

“Help! Please!” His voice was hoarse, the water stopping him from getting enough air. Unless someone was right on the bank, they wouldn’t hear him. Even if they could, the flow had already pulled him far from the shore. 

No… This can’t be happening…I-

It wasn’t until a patch of ice spanning the whole river hit him on the head did Theo stop struggling against the current. 

—-----------------------------------------------------

Mara vaguely thought that ghosts didn’t get headaches for some reason, but dang, were they wrong. A splitting pain throbbed dead center on their forehead, pulsing like a second heartbeat and forcing them to squeeze their eyes shut. A groan next to them revealed that Theo must have been feeling something similar.

A few minutes passed as they tried to dull the ache, enough time for Mara to take inventory. The library carpet rubbed against their hand; somehow they ended up on the ground, but they were sitting up rather than laying down, so they probably didn’t fall. They slowly opened their eyes. The light poked at their headache, but it was still tamer than earlier, letting them look around. Not much has changed; The only notable difference was that the room’s main lights were off, leaving the space casted in natural light from windows far overhead. 

“What…what happened?” Their voice was quiet, calling to an ancient instinct to not be too loud in a library. 

“...I don’t know.”

Mara looked down the row of shelves only to see Theo running away on foot.

“Hey!” They skittered onto their feet, following behind. For someone who spent most of his time away from the ground, Theo could run pretty fast when he wanted to.

His path veered from one side of the library to the other into the fiction section. It didn’t take long for Mara to catch up. As they slowed down, it was clear that Theo wasn’t going anywhere, instead opting to stare down a section of books. They didn’t say anything as Theo pulled out a novel from the shelf. Its worn cover read Frankenstein by Mary Shelley.

Theo’s expression was unreadable as he studied the first few pages. “Y’know, I never finished reading this book.” 

“Any reason why?” They leaned against the mirroring shelves to give him some space.

“As I’ve heard some students say, I thought it had bad vibes.” That got a small smile from both parties. “I haven’t thought about any of that stuff in years.”

Mara tensed up. They wouldn’t blame him if he was mad. “I’m sorry.”

Theo shook his head. “Don’t be. I…I haven’t thought about my parents in such a long time. That river… You can see it through the windows on the other wall. I think my mom donated a copy of this book to the school a few years after I died.” He turned the inside cover towards them, showing the ancient publication date.

“Are you okay?” Man, they wished they didn’t sound so timid. 

“I will be.” He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, almost like he was powering back on. Revving up, maybe. “It’s just a lot to process.” 

Mara wrapped their arms around their middle. “I can give you some space if you want.”

“No need. I’m gonna need to talk about this real soon.” Theo admitted with a more relaxed tone that made Mara let out a relieved breath. “Plus, with your whole warp thing, I don’t think I’d be able to find you later.”

“I still don’t know how that works.”

An abrupt sound came from Theo that reminded Mara of a pin being pulled off a record. He paused before picking up his words. “Do you want to find out?”

Mara looked up in surprise to find a new spark in Theo’s eyes. “Sure? Although, why do you ask?”

“Because who knows what else we could find out!” His feet tucked up underneath him leaving him floating close to the ground. “Maybe there’s a whole bunch of things two ghosts can do that one can’t. I mean, ghost memory-sharing? That’s a huge mystery to figure out!” 

A shocked smile pulled at their expression. “Wait… Maybe I could show you my cat.”

“That’d be great!” Theo held out a hand, energetic and excited. “Do we have a plan?”

Mara didn’t waste time meeting him. Maybe this was different from what they were used to and they definitely weren’t done with the consequences of what happened to them, but…they weren’t alone anymore. “Let’s do it.” 

[m1ckeyb3rry]

No because I think about this every so often like…Otoya you have two sisters and you act this way??? Stark difference between two boys with sisters we have Karasu and Otoya LMAOO It fr makes me wonder bc I’d imagine his older sister would knock some sense into him?? Like yes use those eldest sibling privileges….but anyways

And you’re sooo right for that!! Honestly I love it when people make jokes like “you guys act like you’re an old married couple” etc as a way to show how close two people are even when they aren’t romantically involved?? I usually just find it funny but it’s like I’ll look at the comments of a post and people take it literally (which they’re free to do! I’ve just never seen it so honestly real with that western influence idea..) It’s funny because I’ve had convos with friends before and we laugh like if we were in a show we’d definitely be shipped so hard bc of how close we are LOL

Honestly I wonder if maybe his proportions were done that way intentionally to make him more villainy in addition to maybe the changing art style of the manga?? Or maybe I’m looking into it too much and it’s eightbit being eightbit oops

Ok wait yeah I didn’t think of that a lot of designer clothes are like the most unwearable pieces I’ve ever seen like…wow…it’s like he exclusively buys the most ridiculous most expensive outfit in shop I could see him saying something like “wealth is always in fashion” LMAO

Tabieitaken keeping it real, so true!!! Honestly yeah I love how they add a bit of like slice of life realness like these are just teenage dudes LOLLL Now that you mention it it is really interesting!! Third selection ranked them as the top players in BLLK but it’s not like their life depends on soccer alone which I honestly appreciate sm too! This just reminds me of Karasu saying like “if you only ever do soccer you’re just mediocre” in the light novel and then he goes on to talk abt stocks and city building games LMAOOO

Had to look up what a Great Pyrenees is and 1) SO THATS WHAT THAT DOGS CALLED?? 2) YOURE SO RIGHT??? I retract my statement this is even more like nagi than the samoyed…I feel the fluffy bear vibes!

I interpreted the globe emojis as Rin having disproportionately giant eyes (like that hamster) oops LMAOO But that green blue = teal makes sense now too HAHA and OUU second lead Rin would actually be really interesting….im kinda curious about who you’d consider putting for main lead! I know sae is an obvious option but I feel like that’d be like ripping Rin’s heart out and stomping on it LMAO and also maybe a bit cliche…

And OOO THATS SO COOL! I can imagine jumps being stressful and possibly a bit dangerous if not done properly!! It’s amazing you get to work with horses though they’re so gorgeous and intelligent!!! I got thrown onto horsetok for a bit and just seeing all the horses they’re so cute and goofy too sometimes LOL and awww that’s too bad about your horse! :( Hope you’ve been able to make some cute memories with the ones you work with now! I can imagine it getting super hot I see all the fits and gear people wear and I’m like wow I would sweat sm in that

Pause the horse talking makes me think back to that one BLLK jockey collab..? It was just in passing so tbh I have no idea what it really was but I think it was nagi chigiri Isagi and Barou as like jockeys??? I don’t know enough about horses to do this but I wonder what horses tabieitaken and hiori would work with….like imagine instead of soccer its equestrian LOL would make for a good fanart prompt perhaps…

LMAOOO a different breed frfr You look for real men I write up mine kinda energy I love it HAHAH But you’re so real for that honestly fwtkac Karasu raising my standards like I don’t see you guys existing irl sooo come hit me up when you learn the art of hairwax and surprise dates….

IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT PART whenever I see works above 1k I clap because I LOVE reading longer works like I’m being fed too well… In Mira we trust o7

LMAOO Imagine him pulling up a stocks review podcast in the car I could NEVER but you’re so real for that…it’s either that or the most random music like a few select songs amongst the other podcast episodes about stocks finance inflation….i honestly can’t imagine him being a SUPER big music appreciator…? Like bro gets dragged to karaoke by Otoya and knows NOTHING except the super popular songs that get blasted on the streets or something….on a side note I do have some friends who are just like “I don’t listen to music” and I’m like “??? How do you survive in car rides??” But that’s besides the point LMAO

OMG YOU HAVE A RINGNECK!!! WHAT COLOR?? They’re so adorable even if they don’t talk hehe but I love seeing people post their ringnecks on social media hsjshsjsh also wait you’re onto something with the cockatiel…I think it’s the crest matching his hair too… and I LOVE conures!! I actually had a green cheeked one in the past but sadly had to give him to a family friend due to some circumstances :( they’re so cute and playful though ugh I just love birds (maybe this is why we like Karasu LMFAO)

I patiently await your next masterpiece o7 I’ve reread fwtdac like 5 times already it’s just too good!!! Take care of yourself and good luck on any upcoming dressage competitions you have!! And don’t overheat I can imagine it’s getting real hot right about now!!

-Karasu anon

EXACTLYYYY i trained my little brother STRICTLY so he knows better than to treat a girl as anything less than a queen…i wonder if maybe otoya’s older sister is like a LOT older than him so she just dgaf what he’s up to because she has like a career and whatnot already??? regardless honestly eita gives me the vibes where he’ll do his womanizing nonsense without any regret but if someone else DAREDDD to do smth even slightly off to one of his sisters/someone he cared abt he’d lowkey freak out LMAOAOAO. truly friends to lovers is the only trope that i could ever believe working out w that man…crazy how he and karasu are besties because they have like. opposite views on women 😭 karasu still remembering his first crush from like ten years ago vs otoya not even remembering who he dated last month PLSS

HE LOOKED SO DEHYDRATED both in the manga and anime!! i think it’s mostly because the art style was still being developed back then though because nagi also looks a little odd (still cutie ofc) in his first appearances during team z vs team v. but omg barou was just so skinny for some reason?? idk how to put it LMAOAO like they had my man dejuiced 😔 but he gets it back w INTEREST later on so i cannot complain too much

“wealth is always in fashion” HELP MEEEE HE WOULD SAY SMTH LIKE THAT TO ZANTETSU PROBABLY and zantetsu would be like 😲 i actually love him and zantetsu’s dynamic they’re so funny together i feel like reo’s true personality really blossoms around him!! to me they’re kinda like nagibarou but a more chill version

tabieitaken are probably the most bearable of the bllk boys irl. like i’m sorry but if i had to talk to sae “idk abt anything but soccer” itoshi i would be so bored because i am not that into soccer 😓 but tabieitaken all feel like they could hold a normal conversation and actually be entertaining to talk with regularly!! plus not only are they good at soccer, they have normal interests and lives (model yuki + stock manager (??) karasu + serial dater otoya). they’re also on the older end for bllk (yuki and karasu are both 18 already and i think otoya is abt to be 18 as well)?? so that might be a factor…meanwhile rin is in his angsty phase so he’s saying random nonsense because that’s just how puberty goes.

HAHA no it was definitely meant to be that as well!! a double representation ig you could say hehe. he’s staring at you with flashlight eyes and you feel vaguely unsettled…like did you do smth to wrong him?? is he going to beat you up?? why are his eyes so teal??

if rin was the second lead i’d probably make nagi or one of the older boys (not sae because that’s boring to me) the ml!! nagi because i love him obv but one of the older boys (tabieitaken, barou) just because i think the idea of the reader being a bit older than rin which worsens his inferiority complex has sm potential. like her treating him like a child because she thinks of him like a little brother (kinda like fwtkac y/n w hiori) vs him being madly in love with her and doing his best to get her to view him as an equal/adult (almost how he does with sae) but failing miserably every time would probably crush him and i love crushing my characters. tbh even nagi is a year or so older than him i think?? honestly anyone but chigiri/hiori could work given that setup…but nagi and tabieitaken + barou are my favs that i would also actually want to write as main love interests so it would probably be one of them!! sae shidou and isagi def not though because i think that’s been done a lot before and none of them are particular favs of mine so i couldn’t justify it

OMG I JUST LOOKED THAT ART UP HAHAH I think karasu would be a foxhunter (though he would only go on hunts where the scent is laid and no live foxes are hurt #ethicalking) because it’s very traditional and it makes him feel cool…otoya DEF just pulls up to horse shows to pick up girls (it is a very female dominated sport at the lower levels and i guarantee if a hot guy pulled up at a show he’d leave with at least five or so phone numbers) and yuki would be an eventer because imo he’d enjoy the rush of cross country. hiori i can see working with racehorses but only as a groom because he’s way too tall to be a jockey!! he’d sneak them treats whenever possible hehe

JDJDJS EXACTLY like i’m sorry but if you’re not willing to pay attention to everything i say and face your greatest fears for me then i don’t want you. my standards are too high but oh well i’m not abt to settle 🙄

i don’t think i’ve ever written anything UNDER 1k!! i’m just incapable of it i’m p sure. meanwhile i have several longfics over 100k and two of them at around 200k 😭 i think this installment (bllk vs u/20s + the two week break) is going to be even longer than fwtkac itself HAHA mostly because the cast of characters is bigger and it’s over a longer period of time so there’s lots to get down!!

PEOPLE WHO DON’T LISTEN TO MUSIC SCARE ME but fr w karasu it’s either podcasts, random obscure dad rock songs, or like super basic radio songs which pisses otoya off because he def has a super carefully curated music taste. i bet the two of them sing “my heart will go on” as a duet on karaoke nights because it’s the only song karasu reliably knows and they get SO into it to the point that everyone else is like concerned for them 😭

YES he’s the bright green kind!! very basic parrot over in india because they’re so common there. one thing abt me i WILL love a bird themed character and if none exist i will create my own (in one of my jjk stories the main character has powers based on hummingbirds). my fav animals are actually swans!! so yk i’m locked in w birds like that 🤞🏻

i was hoping to post the next part tn but based on how long it’s ending up it might be a bit more time before it’s up 😭 oh well at least there will be a LOT to read when it comes out!! rn it’s looking like it might end up at over 10k words but i don’t want to make any promises so don’t hold me to that jic 😔 and thank you sm you’re so sweet!! my mother comes to my shows and buys me peach dragonfruit slushees from 7/11 so the heat gets cancelled out and it’s all good 😪 def can’t wait for it to cool down a bit though!! fall is my fav season so i’m excited for that october chill to come around

[shatterthefragments]

10, 16, 53, 95 for the 101 asks!

Alright here we go!!! *cracks knuckles*

Thank you for sending these!!! 🥰💖

Apparently I had a LOT to say and am feeling chatty and lovely so:

10. What’s your boring hobby (that you still enjoy anyway)?

One thing about me is I Will Enjoy It Anyway. Even if it’s “cringe” (cringe is dead let us live) or I have to do it alone (which I PREFER a lot too)

…well. One could argue that most of my hobbies are boring, truly? (Or at least Certain People in my life do anyway :P) (I suppose I’ve picked up some more interesting hobbies in more recent years though ahaha)

A lot of art I do (or at least do in theory) is slow and tedious. Printmaking, painting, drawing, calligraphy, bookbinding, cross stitch bookmarks (I have never used a pattern and idk if I ever will I just like doing bookmark designs but it’s been A While), sort of learning to sew?, I intend to start quilting and maybe making paper and a few other things. I used to do origami. And I can still fold a crane from memory as well!?! I discovered a month or so ago when I thought I’d try making one while in a meeting bored!

Does Floor Time count as a hobby? Idk. But I need some Floor Time sometimes. Like. There was a post at one point where it’s like Angry at Everything? Treat Yourself Like A Toddler! Have some food and water and have some tummy time and maybe you’ll feel better? And I try to incorporate that into my life. So I have a yoga mat (that *should* be used for stretching at least) that I sometimes lay on. Sometimes it even helps. Or at least helps me feel a bit more grounded when I’m floating away.

Ah. I recently picked up Candles? And I enjoy candlelit showers very much :)

Reading? (Though I haven’t read any new unread books in a long time… atm I mostly just reread Martin Wilson’s What They Always Tell Us when the Desperation truly takes hold to give me a little hope :))

I… don’t think cooking is a boring hobby.

Boring is such a subjective opinion anyway 😁

Laying in bed snuggling my stuffies! As I am doing rn as I try to format this from where I pasted it in from my notes!

16. Romantically, do you prefer men, women, both, any/don’t care, or are you aromantic?

~ everyone ~

I mean. Sometimes I prefer men or women over the other or like a certain area of the spectrum? Anybody (especially those of a similar gender fuckery/nonbinary/etc to me or varying wildly from me…) is pretty much always like 10000/10 for me though like? Being able to be who you are 😘 idk how to phrase it right now I need to get ready for bed like sometimes I just. Fixate on certain genders more than others??. But like:

Generally though just. Anyone/don’t care 🥰💖😘

There are some other tangled thoughts I have about how previously I thought I could love anyone and everyone (I still have a crush on at least one of a trio of siblings I used to work with (I used to have a crush on all of them) tbh but it’s been years since I’ve seen any of them in person) (and let’s not talk about proximity crushes and how they always die for me) however nowadays I… well. One. I know now that I do in fact have a few standards/requirements. And like there’s a phenomenon where the closer I am to you and the more I love you the more I do not want to fall in love with you? Like I had a crush on several of my friends and also a sailor friend and like a couple coworkers I guess bc of the proximity? And previously I thought “I could love you. I would do everything I could to be perfect for you if you wanted me”? but now it’s like. Yeah no I don’t think we’d be good together and I don’t want to date you and I love you so much but I am not in love with you. Or maybe it’s just growing up? Or maybe something is just wrong with me and it manifests this way where I don’t want them to discover that I’m misaligned? ANYWAYS. not going there…

And I definitely do NOT consider myself aromantic. I do remember a comic from a while back about an aromantic person who was so in love with the idea of love and how it would always be out of reach for them that really resonated with me. But I don’t want to derail it. (In my own personal case maybe the answer is just to date someone for the first time)

Maybe the 25 years single are just. Making the Yearning pretty strong. Idk. (I’m made of “I Love You” I love you I’m not sure if I’ll ever be In Love but I love you!!)

53. What’s the most annoying thing that happens to you on a regular basis?

…can I say customers? Customers.

Or just like. Being out of something that should’ve been refilled when it was emptied out I guess. Lots of little work annoyances.

Outside of work: when I’m wanting alone time to decompress bc I’ve had to be On all day and people at home want to Interact but I’m just Not Having It.

Ah also gagging. On like. Everything. Scent? Texture? Moved wrong? Tried to do something while or after eating/drinking? Gag. Annoying as shit. (I took off traffic from here bc even though I hate it I have Bluetooth now and WILL sing along and enjoy the car speakers :))

95. Can you remember the last time you made a deep personal connection with someone?

Hmmmm how deep are we talking? I love my friends deeply? 😘💖🥰

I met a very close friend here after we started talking because I commented on her stories all the time 💖

And probably one of my beloved friends that I met when we were both part of the college’s student society (of which I still currently sit on the board of) is my closest irl friend?

And then there’s like. Is it reciprocal? I know she loves me back. And it’s one of my more reciprocal relationships though it’s more equitable than anything in my own opinion when it’s mentioned that maybe it’s not fair but uh. Actually. Im going to stop there. I love her so much and she loves me so much!

(Unspoken things don’t exist and I can’t let my mind make up falsities that are only there to hurt me this isn’t super connected though)

And I met another artist close ish to my age on my first sail training trip and we’re friends now and they’re awesome and I think we bonded. But even though I know they struggle to respond which is fine. It’s sometimes just. A bit difficult when they don’t respond for months and months at a time even though he’s local and I feel like literally being pen pals where I drop off letters would be more interactions than we currently do (which isn’t to say it’s not possible I have another one of my best friends local and we don’t really talk all that often most of the time but I love her very much!) and I also understand that my nearly frenetic energy when I’m riding the high of something is a bit high key for this friend sometimes bc he needs space to be able to think and be allowed to just simply exist. It’s just also easier to create that space when I see someone more regularly than when I feel like I have to do a Once A Year Catch Up type thing. Was hoping to foster that while we were on the same campus this semester but. Whatever. We’re friends and one day they’ll respond again and that’s enough :)

I always am. Uncertain if my perception of a relationship where I think we have a deep bond is actually true or not. But what’s that thing? “Subtext doesn’t exist just tell me straight out for my own sanity” or something. Bc that.

So: answer: yes! My friends!! Both irl and online ILU!!!

101. What’s been going through your mind lately?

Lyrics. Both my own and other peoples’. “Oh god I need to work on this the deadline is soon”. “I wish I had time for”… “am I doomed to get sick or can I still avoid it?” Need to sleep. SO MANY PROJECTS I WANT TO START!!!!! Ah yes I AM FARMER WHISPER LET ME PLAY~ is this my Emily playthrough? It might be bc I made my farmer with blue hair (I might dye my hair blue next too!). Go the fuck to bed. I want to- I need to- don’t- just go for it- and to quote my header (bc it’s. so fucking true): ready? No? GO. (Just go for it!)

…maybe I need to stop looping songs I sing along to bc it is kinda starting to be A Lot to be singing along so much when my vocals can’t take it. Currently fine though bc it stopped playing when i accidentally closed it. (Perhaps having Blood Sport repeating for two days straight so far isn’t the best idea to begin with though… Abelha here we come?!)

Hopefully goodnight!!! I need. To sleep.. soon.. I hope I can brush my teeth soon…

[alasmydearatlas]

sometimes i see wlw art and its so good and i get so sad that i’m dating a boy

And i like him rather quite a lot and don’t plan on not being with him anytime soon

But i get sad on missing out on that queer joy of being a woman in love with another woman (baring whatever the fuck happened in hs that was just traumatizing)

idk its weird like i wish we had met later after i had fucked around a bit more or like maybe after we both had fucked around a little more

but i am also so damn glad we met

like i’m also so glad that i don’t have to deal with the anxiety and stress that comes with casual relationships

And its not like i didn’t date a bit

Also the honeymoon phase is wearing off a bit i think

And were both in a really stressful point of life (moving back to school/moving away for the first time)

going back to my real life but new house for a bit and family stuff and coming back and readjusting and etc etc etc

and its weird bc i wanna say i feel forever about him but i don’t wanna jinx it and put that pressure on our relationship even just inside my head

But i actively enjoy being with him and he makes my life better and i really like what we have going

i’m gonna go read my pro con list from when i was gonna break up w him i’m curious

We’d been dating for literally one month at this point

Wow lowkey same issues (not issues but like u know, catch points, things to reflect on) as now

being bi in a straight facing relationship

missing out on experience

But that’s also experience i made up in my head

I think a lot of those same benefits u get from sleeping casually with people u can get by just like…talking to people at parties and making new friends

And having comfortable home-like hot and safe sex with someone you love

and it’s probably way better than rando sex

flirting is just a very cheap social interaction like it let’s you get away with asking a bunch of questions and studying someone without like…idk

like its just expected and so u can use that to your advantage for entertainment but not like maliciously if that makes sense

I’m so glad we didn’t break up just so i could sleep around abroad that was a dick move to even think about doing

fell in love instead and it is so much better

Heheheh

I think next time i hang out with his friends i’m gonna be much less intoxicated or maybe even fully sober

I just get so nervous and then i get high and then i get stupid and quiet except for the giggles and its so embarrassing but its way too awkward to insert yourself into a group of guys who have known each other since middle school and ughhhh scaryyyy

its so true like you turn 21 and drink way less

also my liver rest results made me scared a little so i am def laying off on the heavy boozing

m o d e r a t i o n

slay i love having a new goal