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catierambles · 1 year

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Feral Instincts Ch.20

Pairing: The Rogue’s Gallery (Geralt, Syverson, Mike, August Walker, Walter Marshall) x Stephanie Daniels (OFC)

WC 1651

Warnings: Some racy bits in the beginning, but nothing overly explicit. Recalling prior domestic violence

Sy had been a man of his word and she had woken a few hours later to Walter's fingers moving between her legs as Sy eased into her. They took turns with her until all three of them were spent, collapsing into an exhausted pile and going back to sleep. Her alarm went off to start getting ready for work and she stayed awake only so long as to call out before falling back asleep with Walter's arms around her.

August and Geralt had been equally as insatiable and she lost count of how many orgasms they pulled from her. Good thing she couldn't have kids anymore, or there definitely would have been a bun in the oven after this, possibly more than one. They always made sure she was prepared for them, always made sure she came first, taking care of her needs before their own.

She lay on the couch, scrolling through her phone when the text came through from her supervisor.

Got the email that you called out. Can you walk at all?

She paused before typing out the reply.

No and shut up.

LOL yeah Alphas are like that on the full moon, especially with their Mates.

And I got four testosterone disasters keeping me occupied.

Wait…four?

Technically five, but Mike isn't an Alpha. He's back at the apartment, I spent it with the others.

But you have four Mates? The only wolves I've heard of having multiple Mates are female Alphas.

Heather. I am a female Alpha.

It took about half a second after hitting send before her name came up on caller ID.

"You're what?!" Heather exclaimed before Stephanie had the opportunity to say hi.

"I'm a female Alpha." She repeated.

"I mean, we were notified that you took over the pack occupying your apartment building and the one next door, but we figured you were just a proxy for one of the others." She said, "It's not uncommon for an Alpha to take over a territory and assign a proxy to run it if they can't be there in person. We all figured you were a Beta as they tend to be the proxy."

"No, Heather, I'm not a Beta. Mike is the Beta, he's my Beta. I'm his Alpha." Stephanie said.

"Shit." She said and sighed, "I honestly shouldn't be surprised, actually, just based on how you were before getting infected. Stubborn with a problem with authority figures. Makes sense, you are an authority figure."

"Yeah, they thought I was going to be an Omega before my first shift." She said and Heather gave a heavy snort on the other end of the line.

"You? An Omega?" She said, "I can sort of see how, but not hardly."

"They weren't feeling the protection fuzzy-wuzzies because I was an Omega…"

"They were feeling it because you're their Mate."

"Apparently."

"Well, shit. I'm gonna have to tell my Alpha that we were wrong." Heather said. “Knowing him, he’s going to want to schedule a get together. Does it with all the packs with territories touching his, foster good relations and all that. The previous Alpha of your territory basically told him to fuck off when he extended the offer.”

“I’ll talk to the others, but I don’t see why we wouldn’t show up.” Stephanie said, “Based on the number of people in my pack, I would say maybe a cookout at the park? There’s kids and I wouldn’t want them cooped up while the boring adults do boring adult things.”

“Sounds like a great idea, actually.” Heather said, “Weather has been nice, bring out the grills for food and games for the pups. I’ll pitch it and let you know what he says.” Stephanie covered the phone with her hand, pulling it away from her ear.

“Hey, Sy!” She called out.

“Yeah, doll?” He called back.

“How do you feel about a cook out with my boss’ pack? Our territory touches his.”

“Sounds like a fun time. We can have it here, lottsa room.”

“Thinking more about the park? Neutral ground and all that.”

“Yeah, that makes better sense. Don’t need him goin’ on the defensive straight away.” Sy said and she pulled her hand away, putting the phone back to her ear.

“He says it’s cool.” She said, “Still have to talk to the others, but again, I don’t see why they would have an issue with it.”

“Awesome! I’ll let him know and we’ll coordinate a day and time.” Heather said, “Is it okay if I give him your number? I’ll text you his so it’s not a mystery.”

“Go for it.” She said and a familiar feeling crawled over her mind right before she was jumped on, the wind being knocked out of her lungs. “Jesus!”

“What?”

“I just got ambushed by a buck fifty of wiggling Beta. I’ll talk to you later.” She wheezed and hung up, letting the phone fall to the floor as Mike squirmed in excitement, his wolf jet black and leaner than the others. He licked at her face excitedly, letting out happy whines as he scrabbled on top of her. “Mike! Cool it! You’re gonna break something! That something being me!” He finally settled, laying belly up between her and the couch, paws tucked against his chest. She held him, pressing kisses to his head and blew a raspberry at him when he licked at her face again. The fur under her hand turned to skin and he moved on top of her, looking down at her with a wide smile.

“Hi, sweetcheeks!” He said and she snorted, pulling him down into a kiss. He giggled against her lips, his hands going to her waist and pushing up her shirt. "Missed you."

"Apparently."

"Walter came and got me." He said and kissed her again, pushing his hands up her shirt to palm her breasts through her lounge bra, squeezing gently. He shuddered as she ran her fingers through his hair, but halted when he saw the wounds on her wrists from the silver chain. They were healing, but still ugly, the skin mottled and blistered. "Steph…"

"Hey, it's okay."

"It almost wasn't."

"But it is. I'm here, right now, with you." She said and he laid his head on her chest, his hands going to her waist. She held him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pressing her lips to his hair.

"I almost lost you."

"But you didn't."

"If I hadn't--"

"Stop. No "what-ifs", okay?" She said and he was quiet.

"Okay." He said finally, nodding against her.

"Stephanie." Geralt said, coming into the living room. "Mike."

"Sup." He said, waving at him with a couple fingers before settling again.

"What's up?" Stephanie asked.

"I need to ask you about Lewis." He said and she went quiet.

"What about him?" She asked finally.

"How long were you two together?" He asked, folding his arms over his chest.

"Almost two years." She said.

"And in that time you never suspected anything was wrong with him?" He asked and she went quiet again, only this silence held weight. "Sweetheart?"

"He always apologized." She said and Mike picked his head up to look at her. "Yeah, I know how that sounds, but it's true. He told me he loved me so much it made him crazy. We would fight, he would hit me, and then he would apologize saying his love for me made him unable to control himself."

"You knew he was a wolf." Geralt said and she nodded.

"He was open about it from the beginning." She said, "He would keep me locked up in my apartment for days at a time, telling me he was doing it to protect me from the other wolves in the area. I finally had enough and I told him we were over, we were done."

"And he suggested a camping trip." Mike said and she snorted.

"Not right away. I think he knew if he did I wouldn't have gone with him. Girl breaks up with an abusive boyfriend and agrees to be alone with him out in the middle of nowhere? Yeah, she's never being seen alive again. He begged me to reconsider, said he would do better, he would try to control himself better. Just give him another chance. As if I didn't already give him more than enough chances."

"It was bullshit, wasn't it?" Geralt asked.

"Actually, no. He did change. At least, he appeared to. He started being nicer, more attentive, he'd diffuse arguments before they started, let me see my friends again. He was a whole new Jordan." Stephanie said, "Six months later and then he suggested the camping trip. Just the two of us. It'd be nice, romantic, good to get away from everyone and everything." She stopped with a shrug, "You know the rest." Sy and Walter had frozen in the kitchen while they had listened to her talk, August halting at the top of the stairs. "I don't know if he planned on killing me, or if he was always planning on infecting me as another way to control me. I suppose it doesn't matter."

"And when we find him," Geralt said, his eyes hard, "He won't be hurting you or anyone else ever again."

"Tripped and exploded on impact." She said with a small laugh, recalling when Sy had said it. "August told me the Pack Council wants him alive."

"The Pack Council won't be there." August said, stepping onto the landing at the bottom of the stairs. "I was going to kill him just for using silver on you, but now…" He stopped with a low growl, "I'm going to take my time with him."

"Get in line." Geralt said through his teeth that had gone sharp.

“I’ll make popcorn.” Mike said and she snorted with a smile, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

#henry cavill #captain syverson #walter marshall #august walker #geralt of rivia #hellraiser mike #feral instincts

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thewaywardbirdsnest · 2 years

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Long Distance

Zoro could fall asleep anywhere. On the floor, in the car, on a couch in the middle of a crowded party - anywhere, anytime.

So why, then, was he still awake at this late hour, tossing and turning? It was like an itch under his skin that he just couldn’t seem to rid himself of. He had tried adjusting the thermostat, turning over the pillows, removing the duvet and then putting it back on, five different sleeping positions, a white noise app. Nothing was helping. The bed felt too big, he had concluded, which was weird because there wasn’t anything special about the mattress in his London hotel room. Just your run-of-the-mill queen-sized hotel bed, perfectly suitable for someone of Zoro’s size. Yet somehow he still felt like it was too… wait a minute…

“Fuck!” Zoro cursed, flopping onto his back and letting his head bounce off the plush pillow. He let out a long, anguished sigh. “Shit…”

He reached over to flip on the bedside lamp and grab his laptop. A few clicks, a couple rings, and then…

“Hey you! Didn’t think I’d hear from you tonight. It’s gotta be… what, one in the morning where you are? Everything okay?”

Zoro felt something in his chest unknot just seeing the curly-browed bastard on his screen. He could have said something sweet, something like “I missed you”, but what came out was: “You’ve ruined me.”

Sanji frowned, the toothpick he was using to keep his oral fixation in check drooping.

“Pardon?” he asked, giving Zoro a chance to redeem himself.

“I can’t sleep,” Zoro tried again, “because the bed’s too big because you’re not in it with me.”

Sanji’s features immediately softened, his mouth pulled into a sad little half-smile. “I miss you too, baby.”

“Tch…” Zoro looked away, hoping the dim lighting of the room wouldn’t catch the blush he could feel creeping into his cheeks. How could he just say things like that? Zoro still wasn’t used to it. Might never get used to it. But he had to admit (to himself, if no one else) that it felt nice to hear.

“So,” Sanji prompted him, “what can I do to help?”

Zoro sighed heavily and shifted the laptop onto the bed so he could lay down on his side. “I dunno…”

“Hmm…” Sanji hummed thoughtfully as he got up off the couch. “Well, tell you what, I was about to make some dinner. How ‘bout I set my phone up on the counter so we can hang out until you get sleepy?”

“‘Kay,” Zoro agreed, adjusting his pillow.

“Alright, gimme a second.”

Once he had set up the phone at an angle where Zoro could watch him without it being in his way, Sanji got to work. Zoro asked him to talk about what he was making and he was happy for an excuse to ramble about the dish in detail. At first, Zoro prompted him with little questioning noises now and then, but it wasn’t long before his eyelids began to feel heavy.

They lapsed into comfortable silence filled by the sounds of sizzling onions, knives on cutting boards and Sanji humming some tune Zoro vaguely recognized from one of the jazz records Sanji would occasionally throw on while cooking. It felt cozy and familiar, a little piece of home even while he was an ocean away from his partner.

Before he knew it, Zoro was drifting off to sleep. On the edges of his consciousness, he just barely heard an affectionate chuckle and the words “g’night, marimo” before he finally slipped into a deep sleep.

When he woke to his alarm clock the next morning, he was surprised to see the video chat was still open on his laptop.

Sanji was curled up on his side in bed, fast asleep. Zoro ran a finger over the screen, tracing the curve of Sanji’s cheek. “G’night, curly,” he whispered before closing his laptop and getting up to start his day.

Just two more sleeps. Two more sleeps and he’d be home with him…

#sanji cooking #Domestic ZoSan Moments #zosan #sanzo #established zosan #modern au #drabble #fluff #asmr #inspired by HelloHarubo's on Twitter #bird's twitter threadfic archive

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general--winter · 1 year

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uchiha shisui x reader - get some sleep

author's note: I promise I am working on requests, but holy shit I love Shisui so much. There's not enough content for me to be satisfied, so I think it's my job to provide. Please take this vent fic about my insomnia and my long distance relationship where I wish I could cuddle with my partner to sleep like this :(

rating: general

fandom: naruto

pairings: uchiha shisui x gn!reader

word count: 2288

warnings: insomnia

summary: You haven't gotten a good night's rest in weeks, and your roommate (secret crush, actually!) takes notice. You try to keep yourelf under control, but the sleep deprivation catches up to you.

The back of your eyelids are supposed to be the best thing you look at every day. Most people spend one third of their lives looking at it, so how could it possibly be so hard for you to enjoy it?

Your whiny grunt echoed throughout the eerily quiet and dark room, the sound of shuffling sheets ricocheting off of every surface imaginable while you adjusted your sleeping position yet again. Their slipping noise might as well have been as loud as standing next to a damn waterfall, because it made your eyes snap open for the umpteenth time that night. Accompanied by a throbbing headache and a parched mouth, you resigned yourself to a while longer with no sleep and padded your way into the kitchen of your apartment.

3:28 read the clock while you poured yourself a glass of water from the almost-empty filter. Fuck, had you seriously been awake and aware that entire time? Catching the clock in your room throughout the night at 12:50, 1:36, 2:47, or even 3:04 convinced you that yes, you couldn’t sleep. Again.

How long has it been since you’ve gotten more than one or two hours of fitful rest at night? A week, at least. Your sanity was practically caffeine and a prayer strung together with kiddie glue and ninety-nine cent store twine. At first you thought it was work. Five back-to-back A rank missions would ruin any jonin’s month, especially if you flubbed the last one for your team due to lacking the coordination necessary. But even after you were given the next three weeks off by the new Hokage, a friend of yours by the name of Kakashi, it was as if sleep was even harder to come by.

You figured maybe it was a jutsu of some kind that an enemy had been able to place on you, but Sakura was personally able to confirm you were not under any sort of chakra influence at the hospital. She was able to prescribe a medication to help you sleep while you waited for a formal appointment on the matter, but when you got back to your room, you gazed at the half-empty bottle in disappointment. All that did is give me the migraine of my life, you thought, wincing at the pain that was no longer there. You had headaches every night after laying fitfully on your pillows for hours on end, but you could have sworn that one had you dying, nauseous and wanting to murder the sun and every bird that started chirping that morning.

A door on the other end of your apartment gently made a noise, something you definitely didn’t expect. Your breathing became rapid as you sat on the edge of your bed, waiting to see if you heard anything else. You weren’t in a state to fight at all, and your roommate, Shisui Uchiha, somehow slept like a fucking log when he wasn’t on a mission. Your face contorted into a scowl. Sure, Shisui was nice, you considered him among your closest friends, and you maybe had the slightest crush on him, but this already smelled rotten of a half-baked scheme. But there’s no way you woke him up in the middle of the night, right?

Knock, knock, knock!

The sound of your own bedroom door being gently tapped made you jump and wind up a fist, ready to see who would come through, daring to invade your home.

“Are you alright in there?” a gentle voice you recognized immediately sounded through the thick wood.

You had woken your roommate and secret crush, Shisui, up. Somehow. You’d been so quiet, too, at least you thought. Why was he up? Or was he never asleep?

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you responded in a rasp through the door. “Just had to grab some water. Forgot to take a glass with me to bed.”

He made a noise of confirmation. “Sounds like you need it. Jeez. You were stumbling through the kitchen like a bull in a pottery shop.”

“Is there anything you need?” you pointedly asked. I’d like to get back to kicking and whining in bed.

“I actually can’t sleep. You want to hang out for a little while?” Shisui proposed through the door.

An odd development. Shisui of the Body Flicker, one of the strongest shinobi in Konoha, was to your knowledge, the heaviest sleeper you’d ever met.

“No, I’m okay.”

“Come on, not gonna help a friend out?”

Ugh. He’s gonna pull this.

You swung the door into your room to greet him. From above, Shisui was giving you a pout and serious puppy dog eyes. His black locks were smushed in on one side, making a small mound of hair. And looking at his eyes, they were cutely puffed up from lack of sleep. This man was too adorable for his own good. You wanted to reach your hand out to smooth his hair, and you almost did in your sleep-deprived state.

“Guilting me, huh?” you instead said.

“You know you can’t resist.” He threw a lopsided grin your way.

“No, I can’t,” you grumbled. You took your full glass and stumbled out of your room. The lamp had been flicked on, bathing the simple common room in a warm, yellow light. Vaguely, you recognized that splashes of water were tipping over your cup and hitting the rug.

In one swift motion, Shisui took a seat on the couch and draped his arm over the top, inviting you to sit next to him. You took him up, grabbing the remote on your way. Ah, you wondered, he probably just wants to watch more television and didn’t want to disturb me.

A year or two ago, due to the many scientific alliances and treaties between the great shinobi nations, technology and communications developed at a rapid pace. One of these new inventions, television, provided entertainment in the homes of the masses via video. The television could show the viewer anything that was filmed with cameras; it looked like you were actually somewhere you were not. And well, your roommate had developed a habit of watching various nature documentaries in his down time. For the cute animals.

“Do you wanna watch Kiri Geographic?” Shisui snatched the remote from your hands and flicked on the television. “I’m going to put it on anyway, but what I’m asking is if you’ll be interested or if you’ll whine the entire time.”

“No, no,” you muttered. “Sounds like a good plan.”

The channel flicked on. On the screen, images of various sea creatures that lived in the Land of Water were shown. You registered some seals preying on penguins. The storylines of these shows really were ridiculous, the narrator always took the side of the prey, but what about the seal? Doesn’t he have to eat? Why does no one ever…

You jolted up automatically as your muscles lost control of themselves; your body began to slump towards the man sitting next to you. The smell of rosewood wafted to your nose and shocked your entire system when you realized your head had almost plopped straight onto his chest. Shit. I wouldn’t have been able to recover from that.

“All good there?” Shisui asked, not peeling his eyes from the television. You thought you caught a glint in his eye.

“Um… yeah, I’m okay. I just…” you started, your voice drifting off. You hated bothering Shisui with your issues, no matter how big or small. Unfortunately, he was persistent, and your brain was immensely foggy.

“Just what?” He lowered his arm to your shoulders, making your entire body stiffen like a wooden board. The simple motion sucked all of the breath out of your lungs and caused your heart to skip a beat. There was no reply to muster.

“Seriously, (Y/N), use your words. Something’s up with you.” Shisui threw another grin at you.

Why is he acting so damn flirty tonight? you wondered. Sure, the two of you teased each other all of the time, but not like this…

“I, uh. I think I’m getting sleepy out here, so I’m gonna go back to my room,” you lied through your teeth, springing up and away from Shisui’s touch. “I’ll see you tomorrow. And don’t feel bad about the television, it won’t keep me up.” No, my dumb fucking body is doing that just fine.

“Your body is keeping you awake?” Shisui flicked off the program, leaning forward towards you. Had you just said your thoughts aloud? Fuck. It sure didn’t feel like it. In embarrassment, you scampered back to your room, the Uchiha hot on your heels.

A feeble attempt to shut your door was met by Shisui’s calloused hand on the edge, boxing you in. The warm light filtered into your dark room around the corner.

“Can I come in?” he gently asked, his soft eyes looking down at you.

I don’t want to bother him but… I think he wants to help, your brain struggles. On one hand, it’s totally mortifying to imagine telling Shisui any of the problems that had plagued you for the past weeks. But your body had enough of this. It made the decision for you, hijacking your brain.

“Yes, you can come in. Please help.”

Giving up, you opened the door further for him, immediately getting into your double bed to hide under the covers. Shisui took a seat on the edge, his eyes softly looking down at you.

“I know everything from Lady Tsunade and Sakura-san,” he said in his smooth and relaxing voice. “You can’t fall asleep. Nothing’s working.”

“Why would they tell you?” you questioned back with an unintended amount of venom. “I was about to tell you anyway.”

“They know how stubborn you are. Kakashi had to force you to take off for the next few weeks, yeah?”

Dramatically, you turned your face into your pillow and let out a groan.

“Okay, so what? What are you gonna do about it?” You turned to face Shisui.

“Is there anything I can do to help you?” he proposed with a soft look on his face. Shit. His expression was oozing with concern, with fondness, with… love? It swayed you. Drew out a deep, repressed desire of yours. You drew up the corner of your comforter and scooted over.

“Lay… with me?”

Fuck. Why would I do that? you scolded in your head. I’m such an idiot, I’m so stupid, he would never—

“Of course,” he whispered, laying next to you.

Your head emptied of thoughts. Shisui was laying down next to you. Your roommate. Your friend. Your crush. His warmth and smell encapsulated you. You were drunk on it, your mind hazed. In a moment of what you would call ‘brilliance’ nowadays (but at the time it was more so a moment of ‘idiocy’), you decided to wrap your arms around Shisui and bury your head in his shoulder blades, relishing in the texture of his cotton bed shirt on your face. He laughed lightly, and you could feel the vibration on your cheek.

“You wanna cuddle? Is that going to help you sleep?” Shisui teased. You knew that this is incredibly out of character. But you were delusional from lack of sleep. If Shisui could get you to fall asleep, then you were going to kill two birds with one stone— finally sleep and show your feelings to Shisui Uchiha.

“It’s not. But I figured it would be comfortable.”

This drew another laugh from him. He spun around and you were now laying against his shoulder, the rest of your body flush with Shisui’s. From under you, his arm came and wrapped around your waist. The view of his face was foreign. Up close, he was incredibly handsome. You could see every detail of his lashes, every shadow that wisped around his eyes. It caused your heart to flutter uncontrollably.

“Hmm, comfortable. Laying against me? I might get the wrong idea if you keep saying things like that.”

“No, I think you’ll be getting the right idea.”

“We can talk about this in the morning” he whispered, his other hand reaching up to brush a stray piece of hair from your face and rest palm-down on your cheek. His scent washed over you. You were positive he could feel your heart racing there.

“But I think I know how to help you sleep. Only for one night, but getting one night of normal rest might help you get back into the rhythm,” Shisui spoke gently to you, his black eyes meeting your own in the dim light of your room.

“And what would that be?” you questioned, voice slurring with exhaustion. You could barely focus on anything but how beautiful his eyes were.

“I can put you under a genjutsu. It will put you to sleep without fail.”

“Really?” you asked, elated. In an instant, you were nuzzled into his shoulder, arms wrapped around his lithe frame. “Can you at least stay here with me? After I fall asleep?”

“Yes,” Shisui laughed. “I can stay here. Now look into my eyes, okay?”

You obliged without question, the thought of cuddling with Shisui all night and finally getting a night of rest overwhelming you. His eyes focused on yours. So softly, so lovingly. You gazed right back with a similar expression. Red filled your gaze. Shisui’s Sharingan. The tomoe spun slowly, hypnotically. You were enraptured. Shisui hugged you against him tightly but ever so gently. His scent comforted you. His legs wrapped around your own. You were safe. You were secure. You were protected. And your eyelids, heavy with sleep, closed. Shisui finally bestowed upon you true, blissful sleep.

#naruto #naruto x reader #naruto fanfiction #uchiha shisui x reader #uchiha shisui #one shot #im in my shisui era don't disturb me im getting enrichment time in my enclosure

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fxchild · 1 year

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The Switch

Miles Fairchild x fem!reader

Chapter five: apology accepted

Miles pov

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I'm laying on my bed with my lamp light on wide awake. It's 12:30 in the morning which means only another hour until Y/n gets home. I've had a bad feeling in my gut all morning and I think it's trying to tell me something. I honestly don't even know why I'm THIS concerned. I've never even talked to girls and all of the sudden she has my full attention. I think what I need is another get away, maybe she'll be gone by then and I won't have to be breathing down her neck.

My thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing. Hoping it was Y/n calling I ran to pick it up. "Hello?" I say eager to hear the voice on the other line.

"Miles?" I hear a girl's voice slurred with a lot of loud voices in the back. "Can you hear me alright?" She asked sounding scared.

"Yeah I can hear you fine, what's going on?" Can she stop asking dumbass questions and get to the point?

"Yeah um, I need you to pick me up. The party is getting bad and I can't drive and there are a bunch of creepy people here and I'm really scared-" she is spiraling at this point so I cut her off.

"Jesus are you serious Y/n? Give me the address, I'll write it down and I'll be there, how long does it take to get there?" I assure and ask her.

"About an hour and 15. The address is 1127 Plymouth drive." She replies as I write it down.

"I'll be there just don't talk to anyone and sit in front of the house or something." I tell her while putting my shoes and jacket on over my red sweater. We disconnect on the phone and I leave to go find a cab. I was lucky there was some around especially the fact it was so late.

I arrived at the house and she wasn't lying, the party was fucking insane. If I wasn't here to pick her up I would have partied now. I looked around the yard to see Y/n almost passed out on the front steps leaning against the railing.

"Y/n!" I shouted to her and her eyes immediately burst open looking for me. She gets up and almost falls down the steps walking crookedly towards me. I catch her as she almost falls. "What the hell happened to you?" I ask, surprised she would be this irresponsible. She doesn't answer just slurs a little and we go to find her car. She may have lost almost all consciousness but at least she didn't lose her keys. I put her in the back seat so she can get some sleep while we're driving. I'm kind of nervous because I have only got a few driving lessons but we make it back home safe. Nice to say I'm NEVER driving again.

I lift her out of the back seat and I can smell all sorts of alcohol on her breath. She is mumbling but I can sort of understand what she is saying. It's along the lines of, "puke, hair, hold, and-" fuck. She started vomiting everywhere and it smelled like shit. I held her hair and looked away while she gagged everything up on the grass. She started sobbing uncontrollably and hugged me with a tight grip.

Her legs started to get weak so I helped her up and walked her back to her room. I let her get changed while I stood outside her room. She walks up to the door and starts to talk with a little slur.

"Thank you, Miles. I know you don't know how to be social, but I really appreciate it." She says starting to cry again. I smile to myself just a little bit not letting her words sink in too much. I sit outside her door for a little while just in case she needs to throw up again. Though I really don't think she can because it looked like she hurled all of Thanksgiving dinner. She kept me awake with her loud throaty sobs but soon enough she fell asleep.

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Your pov

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I woke up at 6am with my head pounding like crazy. I tried to remember what happened last night but all I remember was taking shots. I get up to go to the bathroom to brush my teeth because it reeks like throw up.

Walking out of my room I see from the corner of my eye a sleeping Miles up against the wall next to my door. I don't want to disturb his sleep now with my nasty breath so I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I'm heading back to my room I see Miles is no longer there. I don't think about it too much cause I'm too hung over to care about anything right now. I stay in my pajamas because who really cares what I wear?

I go downstairs to see if Miles is with Flora but I see no sign of him. He probably went back to his room to sleep and I don't blame him. Flora is finishing up her paper I assigned her from the book I gave her yesterday while I'm reading books trying to figure out how to get rid of a hangover.

It's been over an hour and Miles still hasn't come down to watch Flora. I'm in the middle of reading her paper and I can't focus because I'm wondering if I did something wrong. I don't think I said anything to him when I came back but I honestly can't believe I drove home drunk and I'm not dead. Maybe I got a ride from Erick or something and I said a snarky comment when I came back into the house?

It's been another half hour and Miles finally comes down like it could've taken him any fucking longer. As soon as I heard footsteps to the room entrance I turned my head so quickly it almost snapped. Miles doesn't look mad, which is good because I really don't want him mad. I'm sitting at a table with Flora who is next to me while Miles is behind me his hands gripping the back of my chair.

"Morning Flora, Y/n." He says groggily.

I didn't say anything because I was really close to passing out and didn't even think I could get another word out of my mouth. Flora on the other hand, is jumping for joy when she sees him because she hated doing the paperwork I assigned. By the time Flora finished her work it was 11:30 am and she had the rest of the day to do whatever she wanted. I, myself didn't have any work to do either so I decided I was going to go upstairs and sleep until dinner. I told Miles I was going to be in my room doing school work and only come get me if it is very urgent. He just nodded his head and I went to my room giddy for my sleep.

I woke up around 5pm because I had a bad dream. I don't understand why I had a nightmare because I hadn't had one for a few days and now I'm suddenly getting them again? It wasn't crazy bad but honestly I'd rather not have a dream at all.

I head to the dining room for dinner and I see Flora and Ms. Grose there but no Miles. He comes 2 minutes after I do and we have dinner. It's kind of awkward because to Ms. Grose and Miles it's obvious I had a rough night last night and I'm probably not gonna be allowed for another, "family function" until the day I die.

After dinner I followed Miles to his room to ask about last night. "Hey," I said knocking on his door, "can I come in?" I ask. "Yeah, sure." He replies back.

"So I don't know what happened last night, if I did anything wrong but I feel like there's been tension all day between us and I really wanna know if I did something bad." I blurted out really fast because I'm nervous about his reaction.

"Okay, well," he starts, with eyebrows raised kind of amused, "at almost one in the morning, you call me, drunk, telling you to pick you up from some party because you are scared and can't drive home. Then when I pick you up I have to drive back, which I didn't know how to do. Finally when we got home you puked everywhere and cried yourself to sleep. So yeah, I'd say you were a little irresponsible." He says in a, "I told you, you shouldn't have gone to that party" tone. I look at him with pure shock and embarrassment. I honestly can't believe I did all that but now it's starting to come back to me.

"Oh fuck, Miles I'm really sorry about that. If I could make it up to you please tell me how." I said feeling really guilty.

He pauses for a moment looking at my eyes, lips, then to the floor. He curls his lips into a smile but doesn't say anything. Finally he looks at me and says, "Doesn't matter anyways, I'm probably going to be leaving again for a little bit soon. Need to clear my head, you know?"

I scoff at him. "Seriously?" I ask. "You just came back less than a week ago and you already want to leave?" I say annoyed, crossing my arms.

"Does it matter?" He spurts back.

"Well I mean a little." I say. "Flora loves you and when you leave, I'm not gonna hear the last of it. She'll be really upset. And I was just starting to get to know you, I just think you should think about it a little bit." I say walking out of the room.

I'm not gonna lie, Miles is cute. Really cute, nevermind, Miles is fucking hot. I really don't want him to leave or else I'll lose my mind. I'm not sure if he finds me attractive but maybe tomorrow I'll try to convince him another way to stick around for a little longer..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi guys, sorry I was supposed to post this a few days ago but I've been super busy ! I hope you liked this chapter and I wanted to say tysm for the support ! It means a lot to me and I hope we continue to grow as this series goes on. Again tysm n bye 🩷🩷

#miles fairchild #the turning #miles fairchild x reader #finn wolfhard #fanfic #miles fairchild smut #fxchild #the switch

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kameshwar · 5 months

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When you start doing things consciously, you stop doing meaningless things. When you are present in the present, your mind stops chattering.

Today it was mostly a quiet day for me. Got up late in the morning today. Last night I could sleep at 1 AM in the night. Netflix was the culprit. I stayed awake late night because I was watching a film, ARTICLE 370. It was a film loosely based on the actual events that culminated in the final event , the abrogation of Article 370. The film is an eye-opener. I kept thinking about the film long after I had finished watching the film.

Today morning, I got up late and the Sun was already hot. I decided against going to the park for my regular grass walk. I took the car of an aunt who lives in the same apartment. She had requested me a few days ago to take her car for a drive. Otherwise the car battery dies down. The engine needs a little action every few weeks. She lives alone. She has no one to drive the car and keep it in drivable condition. She lost her husband to Covid in 2021. Her only son lives in America and her only daughter in Mumbai. She, the aunt, is a nice woman. She is also a good client. She invests her money through us. It was a Sunday morning and I was free . I took the car for a spin and came back after half an hour.

Coming back, I picked up the book ZEN & THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE for reading. This book is a popular read worldwide and has been so for more than 50 years. After a long time, I have picked up a book that is autobiographical in style. The book is an interesting read. This seems to be a book from a genre I like very much. Traveling, motorcycling, nature-watching, reading and introspecting- all these are so close to my heart. I wish I could do all those things all my life. This book has all those things. So far I have finished only 5 chapters, but I feel like picking up the book each time I sit at my study table.

I tried working out some appointments with my clients. None materialised. One had some other engagement while the other was out of the town.

After reading till 12 noon, I bathed and got ready as is my routine all days through week. I had to compensate for the lost sleep of the previous night. I lay down to have some sleep. Thankfully, no mobile calls came through during my sleep. At 3 PM, I got up and felt hungry. My wife had cooked rice and a vegetable from potato and and adding curd to it. The lunch was pure bliss. Simple home-cooked meals made with love are incomparable.

Of late, I have arrived at a life-stage where I have fallen in love with the food my wife prepares for me. It is not that she was not making tasty meals before. Two things have happened. First, she has been cooking meals for me for the last 26 years and she is gaining perfection as she is getting old. She always endeavours to cook light but healthy meals for me. She would not use much cooking oil or spices. Items that require adding sugar are seldom cooked.

Secondly, I have outgrown the desire of having fancy dishes at fancy restaurants. Meals cooked at hotels and restaurants no longer excite me. Now I generally avoid them. Now I truly understand why many people prefer home-cooked food even when traveling. My grandfather would rather stay hungry when he went on a day-long journey than eat anything cooked in the market places.

In the evening , my wife and I went out for buying some stuff from market. When we returned, I felt the craving for reading some more pages of the book, ZEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE. I finished around 20 pages and took a break.

Youtube didn't cause much distraction today. I was a little more vigilant about getting drifted in the wave of watching funny YouTube shorts. The only video I watched there a podcast where Peepal Baba was being interviewed . He has planted more than 2 million trees in the span of the last five decades. He is truly a nature-lover. He tells some very interesting aspects of human life. Buddha, Mahavira, Guru Nanak, Kabir and many others sang the song of life that gave them the ultimate joy. You sing the song of life that you feel like singing. You do what you are passionate about. That should become the psalm of your life. Day in day out, you sing the song of your life and you have a fulfilled life. What else do you need ?

#writing #sanity

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

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7/12/23

I'm just going to write this now, because I have no idea what the rest of my night is going to look like. It's about 9PM.

Last nights sleep was disastrous. I got one hour of sleep, and couldn't fall back asleep. I lay there for an hour trying to fall asleep. Different positions, deep breathing, focused relaxation, trying not to think, I pulled out every goddamn stop. And I didn't even have the noise from upstairs to wrestle with. I could not fall asleep. Every time I got close, I would jerk back awake. Like nodding off and then reflexively snapping back with a big adrenaline burst.

Maybe it's because I had a very difficult dream. I dreamt of my dog, who died last summer. In this dream, I was tasked with training her... for another person. I was out at dinner in busy restaurant with this guy and his son, and my dog, and... it was our last dinner together... and I had to give her away. And I didn't really feel like these people were going to treat her right. I didn't trust them. They weren't bad people, I just... didn't get good vibes from them. Like they were shopping for a nice rug, not a loving, energetic, playful partner.

So... maybe the dream had something to do with it. I don't know. At 7, I got up. I went downstairs. I read some sleep hygiene tips, they suggested getting up after 15-20 minutes of failing to fall sleep, going to do something relaxing, then trying again. After a full hour, I said fuck it. I raked my mini Zen garden. I sat on the floor and listened to The Beatles and drew more labyrinth-like designs on the string lights. I played guitar. I did that until about 8:30. It was actually really peaceful, it was a very nice calm quiet morning, I enjoyed it. Minus the sleep deprivation.

I am not even fucking making this up... just minutes after I lay my head on my pillow... the upstairs neighbor started creaking the floorboards again. Like... the world's worst timing. I audibly laughed. I put my earbuds in. What choice do I have? It just... kept. Fucking. Creaking. Over and over and over. I have no fucking clue how they don't notice it. I would put money on it being just a poorly placed couch or chair or something, and their shifting body weight just makes the board creak over and over endlessly. I just seriously have no idea how they don't hear it. I have creaky boards in my loft floor and my stairs and I hear them clear as goddamn day. Maybe they just don't care? I really don't know anymore.

I put the AirPods in. I can lay pretty comfortably with them in now. I put the noise cancelling on. I put music on. And the noise cancelling... like some kind of sick fucking joke... almost entirely cancelled out the droning of the box fan, but I could still hear the creaking of the floor... through the fan noise... through the noise cancelling... through the music, even. I tried so goddamn hard to just... let it go. To just... not care. To just sit there and let it happen and just allow myself to fall asleep anyway. But every time the creak happened, my heart would send a burst of adrenaline through my system and I would jump.

The fighter jets flew overhead this morning. Five in formation, one after another. They did a few passes and went back to base. They don't bother me. I can sleep with a fucking fighter jet blasting over head with my windows open. I can sleep with passenger jets flying in to land at the airport like 2 miles away. But this fucking creaky board. It makes my skin crawl. It makes my nervous system turn on me. And no matter how much I try to comfort it, or give it perspective, or ignore it, or cover it up... it just keeps responding the same way. And I genuinely don't know what to do anymore.

I laid in bed for more time. Likely nodding in and out, and immediately waking up to creaks. It was a complete blur. I just remember music. And creaking. And early morning light. And the feeling of the fan blowing the sheets. And trying so hard to sleep. For hours. I even got up and did a small yoga routine and then got back in bed and tried again. Over and over. Until 11 AM. When I finally said fuck it and got up.

I did yoga, something specifically made for... stress relief. :) Right? Well, it helped. It really did. And I made myself some coffee, skipped the workout to avoid exhaustion. And I played Hades. And I ate some food, which helped.

I was expecting the maintenance guy to come over. I... didn't hear him yesterday... or today, for that matter. 3PM came and went and I heard nothing. At 3:30, I decided I would have to take a shower at some point. I couldn't just sit here waiting all day. And I did, and it was a very nice shower, very relaxing. And after the shower, it was past 4. And I decided to go back to sleep.

The parking lot party event today was between 5 and 8pm. I napped until around 6. Yep, I'm actually pretty sure I took out the headphones and just tried to sleep. My neighbors... might have gone to the event. Or maybe just out in town. But... I was able to get 2 precious hours of sleep. Bringing my grand total for the day to... around 4 hours of interrupted sleep. And this is on top of 3 consecutive nights of interrupted sleep around the same duration. That's a lot of sleep debt.

My heart feels weird. It feels... kinda heavy. And kinda tingly, and kinda like someone's lightly squeezing it. I feel delirious. When I woke up, I had to take a few minutes and just... I'm not even kidding... let my eyes focus. With my glasses on. I was unsteady on my feet. Like... I felt pretty fucking drunk, to be honest. Still do. But not in a gleeful way. In a "I've been drinking for 3 days straight and I'm just starting to sober up" kinda exhausted, saturated kinda feeling. I am not enjoying it.

I opened Tumblr, my art one that has nothing posted on it. I have been reading posts tagged with Zen Buddhism lately. I've always been curious and I've been learning a lot about it recently. A lot of the teachings that have been making their way to me, through other schools of thought and through my own personal experiential discoveries, have lined up with a lot of what Zen offers. Minus my severe lack of deliberate meditation... which is really a core centerpiece of Zen, in my understanding.

I'm bringing this up because there was a quote there that I caught in passing and it piqued my curiosity... and I serendipitously stumbled across it again and screenshotted it. It made me remember... what matters to me. What I'm striving to be again. What my goal is, that I am admittedly struggling quite greatly to reach, but... baby steps, you know?

"How should a yogi that has truly realized non-self act?

'Like a child with perfect spontaneity, like a madman unconcerned with what is socially acceptable, like a leper unattached to his own physical well-being, and like a wild animal roaming about in lonely and desolate places.' - The Queen Prajnaparamita Machig Labdron"

That time I went to that New Age festival thing at the ski resort and let my dog walk me around? I received one of my greatest compliments there that day. I met a woman, she was very beautiful, but I was honestly just gleeful to be interacting with another human who might share some of the same values. Or just another human... at all... XD And I had a very childlike exuberance there, my inner child completely had the driver's seat and me and my dog just hung out as peers and played and chilled and talked and I drew and all that. It was very nice. The woman said, "I forgot interacting with yogis can be so intense!" And I just reeled and inside, I went... "wow, she called me a yogi!" She, without being prompted, having known me a total of about 2 minutes, labeled me as a yogi - when I had zero formal yogic practice. I had literally been to one yoga class, a Yoga Nidra practice at a mental health group. And I had been to a group meditation at a Shambhala center back in 2007ish. That was the extent of my formal teaching. It was high praise to be put on the same tier as a practiced, experienced yogi. Which really validated this... rogue shamanic approach I was taking to spiritual discovery, exploration through self-discovery, through autodidactic means. Mostly because I could never find a goddamn teacher. XD But yeah, when I think of the above quote, times like that stick out to me.

So... I screenshotted that right after I woke up. I got up, I got a piece of gum to ease anxiety about bad breath. I put my wallet in my pocket... just in case? I paced back and forth a few times, and the adrenaline started building... I went upstairs to check if I had sheet marks on my face, which I didn't. But I am very pale, and it was very apparent to me today. And I have a lot of blemishes... and my scalp rash is still being a fucking prick and won't leave me alone. And I just sorta... nodded in acceptance of that, and went along. I grabbed sunglasses, which would do me no good because I was wearing glasses... XD Because my contacts hurt my eyes and I don't have an eye doctor up here yet... But I popped sunglasses in my pocket so I have them and then... said "fuck it". And I went outside.

When I got to the outside door, a guy held the door for me. He was probably 10-15 years older than me, looked like a guy I would see at a metal concert, so... probably someone I would get along with. Had lots of tattoos, looked like a musician, graying beard. I couldn't tell if he was... the guy I had met when I first moved here? Who said he used to be a sound guy who toured with the band whose hoodie I was wearing? But I was very self-conscious, I didn't feel confidence enough to be so forward to ask. He held the door for me, and I went to say "thanks" and... my voice was super low. And... barely audible.

It was like... barely a whisper. And it occurred to me... not only had I not interacted with another human in... close to 2 weeks now... But I had not spoken above a whisper in that same amount of time. Really let that sink in, because it was difficult for me to. I. Have not spoken out loud above a soft whisper. At all. In almost 14 days. Until today. I always thought the psychological part of isolation was the hardest. And, I mean... I'll be honest, it is... but go with me here. The physiological stuff can really fuck with your head too.

Anyway, I walked across the courtyard. I could feel my back hunched. I could feel my shoulders raised. I could feel the tightness and knots in my mid-back traps. I could feel my neck tensed and craned. I struggled to see because of the brightness. --- I have been playing Hades a lot lately, which is about Zagreus repeatedly attempting escape the Hells (Tartarus, Asphodel, Elysium, then finally the Temple of Styx). I have to say... I related quite a bit to that when I went outside today. XD "Ahh... so this is what the surface looks like!"

I went over to get food. I didn't know what else to do. I saw some people throwing frisbees around. Some people throwing axes in a truck trailer. Some people doing what I found out later was mini-golf. But there weren't... a lot of people. It wasn't like... a county fair kinda thing. It was like... 10 people? With people cycling in and out. And I just... I didn't really know what to do with my hands, you know? I was super sleep deprived, I did not feel comfortable throwing a fucking axe. I didn't really want to play mini-golf by myself. So I just went to get food, to break my "diet".

I went to the table and immediately saw one of the only people I knew here - the Assistant Manager of the building. She has always been super friendly, since day one. And... one of the first things she said to me was "haven't seen a lot of you lately" or "haven't seen you in a very long time, how are you?". And... I had 1000 responses to that. None of them "socially acceptable"... XD "Oh, well you work until 5... and I've been waking up at 5..." "I haven't been leaving my apartment." "My cat died and I've been grieving." "I have mental health barriers that are impeding on my ability to function in society right now." You know, the bog-standard answers to that simple small-talk prompt. But... my social graces kicked in and I recognized... "this woman is not genuinely asking me 'where have you been, are you okay?' It would be socially jarring for me to be bluntly truthful here." And honestly, this isn't Social Anxiety Exposure Therapy Hardcore Mode, I really don't have to make this shit harder than it already is by just... throwing all my dirty laundry onto the table when she's trying to be friendly. So I just said... "yeah, I've been working a lot. A lot. You know, inspiration strikes and I'm just... putting a lot of hours in the studio." And she asked, innocently, "oh, where do you work?" And I said, "from home, from my apartment." Yep, you don't see me because I never leave my apartment, quaintly-somewhat-attractive woman who works right at the front entrance and would see me any time I left the building, and has clearly noticed that... she does not see that happen.

But hey... that means she remembers me, right? What an odd, alien concept. To be remembered. And... perhaps fondly? Hmm...

It was about that point in the back and forth banter that I noticed that my croaking whisper of a voice was not just something caught in my throat when the man held the door for me. You know when you're thanking someone in passing and you like... get some spit caught in your throat or something and it's not so much of a word but an awkward gurgle that comes out? It was like that, but weirder. And this? I was forming coherent sentences. But my throat was just... not used to being used that way, it even felt weird.

And I used to fucking sing, dude! -_- I used to goddamn SING! And look at how much I have to say! It was a very jarring experience to see how much disuse my throat had fallen into. It was disorienting. It still is.

My talk with the woman made me very insecure, very aware of how... different my life is from everyone else there. How alien I am. Not just in my interests, or my chosen profession, or my presence and demeanor but just... my lifestyle. Like... my entire life, the way I live my life. Like... I often feel like I can relate more with Buddhist monks in a monastery than the people I interacted with today. I felt very out of place. And not in a special way... but in a way that made me feel... defective. Or ill.

Maybe it was just because I ran into... the only person that recognized me. And she was the first and only person I talked to, besides the pizza lady, who was very nice. I got a slice of pizza, a cup of grapes and a... souvenir bag? Like a gift bag? With an empty water bottle, a bottle... of water, a bottle of gatorade, a cheap frisbee and some cheap sunglasses. I chuckled about the sunglasses. I found a spot right by the axe throwing trailer, and sat cross-legged under a tree on the grass and ate my pizza and grapes.

I felt a bit insecure about like... watching people. Because I knew they would feel pressure and anxiety, and maybe just be off-put by a stranger watching them? But I pushed through it. I tried to let it pass. If they think I'm weird, they think I'm weird. They're not far off. XD

I found myself looking everywhere, drinking in so many beautiful sights. I find myself doing that a lot, it's the artist/inner child thing. I adore those moments. There was something about the light coming through the maple leaves of the tree I was sitting at the base of, and the moss growing up the side of the tree... the colors were just so warm. The moss was so well fed with water and so vibrantly yellow-green. It made me very happy, very content, I found it very beautiful. I find so much joy - bliss - in the small beautiful things, especially of nature. Maybe I felt out of place there because... I was out of place. Because people there were talking to their friends about superficial things like dating and clothes, and looking for fun thrills like throwing axes or competing to hit a ball into a hole... and here I was, just sitting alone eating grapes and looking at all of the trees surrounding the events that people were there to do... XD I was literally looking at everything but what was part of the event. The axe throwing kinda bored me compared to the growth patterns of the trees by the building. The shades of red and orange from late afternoon "golden hour" light pouring through the overcast sky and reflecting off the side of the red brick buildings. The vivid green of grass that had been deeply saturated with rain over the past two days. I took a hint. Nature was calling me home.

When I finished my food, I went inside. I felt a little bad that I didn't socialize, but... it looked like almost everyone was coupled up. And... I was a lone wolf. And people don't always open doors for wolves. You know? Even if they're pledging to a life of vegetarianism. XD But more than this, I realized that the whole... pressure to socialize thing? It was manifesting more as a... "I don't want to upset the one person I know here by just grabbing food and then leaving, as though the event was a 'failure' or 'boring' or something". And I realized that fantasy narrative was not a healthy thing to live by. I can always just go by the office someday and say "that was a lovely event, thank you so much for setting it up" and it will completely make her day. What I was deeply craving... was going for a walk. Being in nature. The riverside trails were calling me. And I was not prepared for what I was about to see.

I wish I had gone there first, to be honest. I would've had a lot to talk to the Assistant Manager about. The second I turned the corner and saw the river... I was gobsmacked. What I first noticed was that the entire river looked like chocolate milk. And... the smell. The smell just sent chills down my spine, it was... hauntingly familiar. As I approached, I saw all the debris that was normally on the rocky artificial shore below - branches and tree trunks carried down the river to the waterfall - was on the sidewalk now. All along the edge of the building towards the riverside trail near my building. It was nearly impassable. I didn't even bother going down, though I was very intrigued to come back when it dries out and try to gather some medium sized driftwood sticks to carve into wind chimes. I've wanted to do that for a long time. In fact, I brought my backpack with me specifically in case I found any good sticks to gather for that wind chime idea.

Then, my attention met the river. There were people filming it. It was... insanely powerful. There were whitewater swells rising up... at least 5 feet? Again, the whole river looked like a mocha latte. And the sound. Even with my headphones and music in, it was thunderous. I could feel it.

I was in awe. The sheer power, the majesty of that much force. I was enthralled at first. But after about 5 minutes of walking to different spots... my mood started to shift. I started to... think about how... this flooding had killed people. How it had destroyed peoples' homes. I could see people being pulled down the river, unable to save themselves. I occasionally would see debris, like a plastic jug or a metal pail floating down the river. And it just... it made me unsettled. And... god, I was just washed over with waves of sorrow. I was looking at a literal disaster. And people were just filming it. They were doing what I did too, when I first looked at it. And then I went emotionally deeper. Because my history with this kind of flooding... it's much more extensive than theirs.

I remembered. After I had walked further up the river, I just... god, this is hard to describe... the little details started to bring experiential and emotional memories back. Like... okay, first off... just the general speed of the river. Not the size of the swells or the whitewater or the color of the water, the obvious shit, but just the baseline speed of the river was the first thing that started bringing me back. But I'll tell you what really did it. I went all the way up to where the bridge leads to the riverside trails. They were... somewhat unsurprisingly blocked off. I'm sure I could have jumped the caution tape and walked. Who knows how far I would've gotten before I got flooded out. But... I was content in just... observing the more calm part of the river, above the big rapid section. And what I kept seeing was... calmer sections where it almost looked somewhat still? But the water was clearly still moving fast, and there were these... little whirlpools forming. Little eddies all over the place, causing micro whirlpools, like when you let the water out of your bathtub. And little clumps of ripples and bubbles on the otherwise somewhat still-looking water. That was what brought me back. That started fucking with my survival instincts. That made my brow furrow and my eyes start to tear up.

I remembered that for the first time since I was there. I remembered looking at water like that, which was not so chocolate-milky, but just as strong. And I remember saying something like, "it's not that bad, we can handle this." And what the whirlpools and bubbles and ripples showed was that the water appeared calm there, but under the surface? It was churning. And that water will pull you right the fuck under if you're not careful. I could see the deceit in it. Irene was in 2011. I feel like 12 years later, I finally concretized a lesson learned about dangerous water conditions... and humility before the almighty power of the flood. It genuinely felt like my first time reconvening with a deity, since my brush with potential death by his hands. A very powerful, humbling, and emotionally confusing moment of reverence and awe... and mortal fear, and shame of my former hubris.

My neighbor just stepped on a creaky board and it literally made me jump and my heart skip a beat. AGH. This is driving me crazy. It feels so unhealthy. It feels like every time I jump, my heart is getting weaker. It feels like it's damaging my body. -_-

Maybe it's just because I'm in a state that psychologists call "hyperarousal", where I'm super alert and sensitive to my surroundings because I'm in the moment of processing trauma. I want so badly to not give a shit. I want so badly to just let the emotions and reactions just... flow through me... to just happen and pass. But then... I get hit with another wave. It's relentless. Did I compare it to being bitten by a mosquito here yet? Like... just letting a mosquito bite you and watching. Well, I can do that, and have done that. But I'll tell you, good luck finding someone who can sit there and let a conga line of 25 mosquitos come and bite you one after the next. It takes its toll on the body. At a certain point, sitting there and enduring it feels like you're just... punishing yourself by not doing something, anything. Because I can't just reach in and rewire my brain, make it normalize these sounds. Consider them safe. I can't just will that into being. That part of my brain has to allow it. It's a process.

Like... imagine sleeping alone in an old creaky house in the woods. When you hear creaks from another part of the house at night... that's going to freak you out. It's natural. It's a survival thing, from when we were sleeping in fucking trees, it's hardcoded into our DNA. I'm stuck in that mode because I was not raised in a living environment like this. In fact, I don't think I've really... ever lived in an environment like this longer than 6 months. It makes perfect sense why I would be reacting this way. I do not know these people... and as far as my brain knows, there are strangers inside my personal space bubble, while I'm attempting to rest my conscious mind and I'm leaving my body completely vulnerable. Or when I have my back turned. Or when I'm exhausted and incapable of defending my physical self competently. My biggest issue in normalizing this panic response is... again... the response is logically sound.

All because some people. Who are likely overweight college kids in their late teens or early 20's (that seems to be the prevailing demographic in my building) decided to rent a top-floor apartment when they have no awareness of how to be light-footed. Walk. On. The. Balls. Of. Your. Feet. Dammit. And take your fucking shoes off!

Ah yes, here's that Zen I was talking about. XD I have a long way to go. Loooong way to go. And that's okay. I've come a long way as well, the path is as long as it is, it's okay with me.

So... I was talking about the flood memories. And that just filled me with even more profound sorrow. The entire walk back was just... realizing I was looking at the aftermath of a disaster. Not a novelty, not a wonder of nature... something that destroyed homes and claimed lives. And I mourned them. It was a difficult, solemn walk back.

I was also struggling a lot with posture and eye contact around strangers, and there were a lot of people out. It was just... very alien feeling. It had been longer than I thought since I had been out.

So yeah, I got home right as the event was wrapping up. And I went straight inside. And I finished my run in Hades. And I wrote this.

Now it's 10:45. Do I eat dinner? Do I get ready for sleep? Do I take a nice calming bath? I legit don't know what to do with myself.

I really just want to... take care of myself. I've been through so much stress. My body, my mind... god, my soul. The past several days have been just full of intensity and strain. I really need a spa day. The pizza was nice. After losing... yep, turns out my scale wasn't well calibrated... after losing 10 fucking pounds in a month. I think I can have a cheat day. I had my one slice of plain pizza. I think I can have some ice cream. And I think I can have a nice bath. And god I wish weed actually chilled me out, because I'd love to just smoke a bowl and chill and melt into my comfy chair and watch some funny cartoons or something. I don't know. Maybe I'll try a super low-dose tincture tonight, maybe that will be good.

So yeah, for now? I'm going to go and throw another coat of oil on the beads. No polishing, just oiling tonight. Even gods needed days off. Then maybe... play some music and get some soup? Then figure out a nice treat for myself.

What a day. Starting with peaceful bliss, transitioning into otherworldly social anxiety, then into intense traumatic sorrow. And now here I am on the other side. Where to now? XD

Oh, god, how could I forget. The quote! I wanted to share an observation. So... the question was: how should a yogi who has truly realized non-self act? And the answer was: Like a child with perfect spontaneity, like a madman unconcerned with what is socially acceptable, like a leper unattached to his own physical well-being, and like a wild animal roaming about in lonely and desolate places.

And this? This is like a direct chronology, beat-for-beat, of the evolution of my creative and spiritual self. It started with a reconnection with my inner child, and allowing myself to play in the mud and roll around in the grass with my dog and wrestle, and splash in the water, and to say yes and go on adventures. Then it led to me exploring spirituality and the paranormal... because who can truly call themselves a scientist and just say "that shit is fake" without even trying to do experiments? That's literally the opposite of science, that's an act of faith. Science demands replicable results, so... why the fuck would I not just... run the tests and find out for myself? Are ghosts real? Go to a "haunted" place and do all the ghost tests, find out for yourself. Why would that be considered "madness" for an adult to do that? It's literally science! But... what pulled me out of the sky was... my concern for what is socially acceptable... again, social anxiety. Mostly because of my family. It's a real bitch, and it keeps getting me time and time again. Fueled by that whole... fear of witch-hunting... fearful knowledge of what people do to "madmen". Then... the leper thing... made me think of these actual pustules and boils forming on my scalp the past 2 years, that two doctors have not been able to figure out. I have very deeply felt like a leper for some time, and that has taken the form of... insecurity. But this is interestingly approaching it from the perspective of them... not caring about their body, because their body is already ravaged? And I guess I am profoundly attached to my physical well-being. Gonna put a dogear on that one... And finally, like a wild animal roaming about in lonely and desolate places. I miss it. I miss roaming the woods alone. I miss nature. I miss being a wild animal out there, with all the others. I look out my window and I see the Blue Jay hopping from branch to branch on the tree across from my window and it brings me so much joy. I feel so much more connection to him than to any person I locked eyes with today. It's just... different.

So yeah, I just wanted to share and further explore those thoughts. While it can be a bit frustrating to see how big the barriers are in front of me, how strong the wall of flame has grown... this helps serve as a guidepost to show me that... those were not foolish goals, those were noble goals. And it shows me exactly what I need to work on. I need to be okay being childlike, regardless of social norms. I need to be okay being a bit crazy, regardless of social norms. I need to find a way to balance care for my vessel... while still not allowing the fragility of my mortal shell to prevent me from living life. That's a big one that I'm just starting to unpack. And I need to make more time to wander the earth. To commune with nature. Which I am already one step ahead of.

As a final note... I'm... ... I've been hesitating to write this. Mostly because I have no idea how any of this life shit translates into money, which is unfortunately a necessary thing in this modern life. Unless I can find some way around that, some community that would take me in or something, I don't know. But... I'm feeling the woods call me back. I'm feeling nature call me. And I know it's a one-way ticket back to isolation. But seriously... I'm just as isolated here as I had been back at my old house. I've been picturing myself working on a farm, or at least working with people with ecological knowledge. I would love this to be caring for and maintaining hiking trails, good lord that's an absolute dream job to the point where at the river back in my old town, I used to go and clean up the streams and tend to the trails for free. For nearly 5 years now, it's just been right out of reach. To live right on the trails, and just go out and keep them in great form, and pick up peoples' trash, and make sure animal habitats aren't being disturbed, and to set up art installations integrated into the landscape, in a way that doesn't obstruct nature, or interfere with the natural flow of the ecosystem... but rather... to amplify. That's where the permaculture stuff comes in. To learn how terrain works, and ecosystem balance and all that... and to integrate that science into my aesthetic work, to do ornamental and symbolic artwork that actually contributes to a diverse and flourishing environment, that is practical. Beautiful decorative art which actively nurtures nature. That would be so fucking cool. That would be an amazing life.

But how to get to that life? Being where I am? Not having a car anymore, I had to abandon my dream of going to this sustainable trail making course. I don't know. One step at a time, I guess. I'm going to look into that course, and see if I can find a way to make it work. Maybe even call someone there and explain my situation, and see if we can find some way to make it work out. Any life worth living is worth taking a leap for.

But my step today? Self-love. Self-care. Getting comfy and doing something nice for myself. I've earned it.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

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corpsesoldier · 2 years

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so. kiriona huh?

under the cut: full nona spoilers, plus me trying to process some thoughts and coming to very few conclusions

what a kick in the teeth that was, huh?

I want to touch on two main things about gideon's appearance as kiriona in ntn: kiriona's behavior toward the other characters and kiriona as revenant and how I think those things might be related.

so I'm open to both the ideas I've seen floating around wrt to kiriona's behavior in ntn, those being 1) this is an extremely traumatized, sad, and angry but functionally complete gideon nav and 2) that this is only a fragment of gideon's soul.

I think enough people mention "parts" of souls enough times for the fragment theory to have weight, as well as the interview in which tamsyn compares gideon's soul to a happy meal (yeah) and saying that harrow only ever ate the hamburger, whither the fries and drink, etc. maybe what we're seeing is the discarded plastic toy of gideon nav's soul.

however, there are things kiriona says and does that are absolutely 100% gideon. I think what's giving a lot of people pause is kiriona's apparent indifference to seeing her friends and allies again and, most significantly, her indifference over seeing harrow's body. for better or worse, one of gideon's defining characteristics is that she cares a whole fuck of a lot about harrowhark nonagesimus. kiriona acts aloof and unconcerned about all that for a good chunk of her page time in ntn, but particularly near the end we some behavior break through that facade that we would more readily associate with gideon (holding harrow's body and telling her to keep it together when nona starts to come apart; telling alecto to get in line when she offers harrow her service).

so, yknow, I think either option is fair game at this point, but unequivocally this is gideon, at least in part.

so then, this is gideon. and given that, there are some behaviors that I am having trouble reconciling with the gideon we've seen thus far.

I have a hard time believing that gideon would shove an injured and dying cam the way that she does, but hey, she's having a really, really bad day. just what we've seen her experience on page could fill her therapy appointments for the next myriad, and idk what eight months with only john "gaslight" gaius and ianthe "girlboss" tridentarius will do to a mf. I am withholding judgement.

but even moreso than that, I have a hard time reconciling the gideon we see in htn with whatever the hell kiriona's got going on with ianthe. gideon hates ianthe. gideon is furious with ianthe for the way that she treated harrow throughout htn, and yet kiriona and ianthe have friendship bracelets and a secret handshake. and so I'm wondering: how much does kiriona remember about the events of htn?

I'm also interested in why god made gideon into a revenant. he did not have to do that—he's god. presumably he could have fixed her body and put her soul back where it belongs, provided he had access to both those things. and yet kiriona is tied to her own mutilated corpse. is, in her own words, mega-dead. why?

perhaps because john wants total control over this asset, this weapon he's created. john, who "knows where remembrance lives in the brain" and is perfectly willing to exploit that. now, he did that with his lyctors while bringing them completely back to life, but gideon has always been a special case. gideon survived nerve gas as a toddler. gideon made harrow's much-abused skull go SPANG back into shape after a few minutes residence in her meat. maybe if john put gideon's soul back in a living body, gideon's healing factor has the ability to revert whatever alterations he may have made to her brain.

(this is assuming I know how revenants work, which is a big assumption. is whatever kiriona's got going on even being processed through gideon's brain, if that brain is dead? unsure. I am not a spirit magician.)

but regardless, we've had a couple examples of how integral memory is to identity in the locked tomb, the biggest one from this very book being nona-who-is-alecto, but alecto-who-is-not-nona. plus the lyctors with their memory of god's fallibility removed, plus harrow reduced by her half-remembered life.

and then there's what kiriona says to aigalemene, "don't—that's where my heart used to be."

is it possible that kiriona gaia is a gideon with the parts most inconvenient to god cut away?

#edit: I’m making this unrebloggable because I don’t totally agree with it anymore but feel free to observe my thought process #idk I don't usually theorypost but I've been thinking about my baby for the last twelve hours so this is what you get #be nice to me I got five hours sleep because I was laying awake thinking about gideon nav #the locked tomb #nona the ninth #nona the ninth spoilers #ntn spoilers #gideon nav #kiriona gaia #john gaius #mine

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archived-kin · 3 years

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clinginess/affection with the obey me boys

note from kin: this was originally meant to be a shorter piece but then it got real long whoops

also, quick clarification: generally if i do a piece where the characters are separated that means that that character is your only partner for each individual scenario (apart from luke of course he’s just your adopted little brother)

fandom: obey me!

character(s): gn! reader, lucifer, mammon, leviathan, satan, asmodeus, beelzebub, belphegor, diavolo, barbatos, simeon, luke, solomon

pairing(s): demon bros/reader, diavolo/reader, barbatos/reader, simeon/reader, luke & reader (platonic only for the angel bby), solomon/reader

warning(s): might take you a while to get through everyone but that’s all

genre: fluff

lucifer:

generally lucifer’s all about the ‘strong independent demon who don’t need no lover’ facade, but don’t be fooled! he’s about a hundred feet deep into ‘unequivocally whipped’ status

he gives the impression that he’d know exactly what he wants and how to get it at all times but really he just stares at you until you get the hint and give him a kiss

(lucifer is good at a lot of things but romance just escapes him sometimes)

anyway truly clingy lucifer is pretty unpredictable but there is one consistent time when he really comes out, and that is when he’s tired

tired lucifer is usually on the more mellow side (if you want to ask him a favour, this is the best time to do it) because he is just too exhausted to get angry at things

tired lucifer is also just about the biggest affection bug in all three worlds because his guard’s down and he’s actually feeling his emotions instead of just generally registering and ignoring them, so he’s suddenly a lot more aware of how nice it feels to be with you

what does this mean? well, tired lucifer usually comes into play while he’s up late doing paperwork and stuff, so this is often how it goes:

1. lucifer becomes aware of his growing exhaustion and decides that he would really quite like to hold you right now

2. lucifer tries to concentrate on his work for about five more minutes

3. lucifer gives up on doing that and decides to go find you

these days you’re usually sleeping over in his bedroom so lucifer will just trot his way over and just kind of collapse on you

depending on whether you’re a heavy enough sleeper to sleep through that one of two things will happen:

if you wake up and ask him why he’s crushing you he’ll offer a quiet apology and give you a little kiss on the head and then pull away to actually get into bed properly

typically you’ll just cuddle up to him and go back to sleep but sometimes you’re awake enough at these moments to ask him if something’s wrong

at which point lucifer will either tell you he just wanted to be with you or start venting about how much stuff he has to do

meanwhile if you stay asleep he’ll probably just lay there for like half an hour thinking ‘i should probably get back to work’ and then not do that

you know that little speech lucifer gives in-game about demons not being able to resist temptation or whatever

yeah that’s him right here

he’s content and at ease and you’re like right there so there’s no way he isn’t just going to go to bed so he can hold you close now

apart from moments like these the clingiest lucifer usually gets is refusing to stop holding your hand (especially when you’re out) for any reason

like you’ll be going out grocery shopping together and he just will not let go at all. he’ll be using magic to pull the trolley and his other hand to pick up stuff and the hand holding yours just will. not. budge.

occasionally he’ll also get a little clingier if it’s been a hard or particularly frustrating day at work and when this happens not even being in the rad assembly hall right in front of diavolo will stop him from pulling his chair up so that it’s right next to yours and holding your hand under the table (he really likes doing that if you haven’t noticed)

when he thinks none of the others are paying attention he might even sneak in a couple of quick kisses on your fingers or the crown of your head

(the thing is at least one of the brothers is usually sitting on the opposite side of the table and it’s kind of hard not to notice this happening right in front of your face)

diavolo thinks it’s so cute so he doesn’t care and the brothers are low key too scared of lucifer to try teasing him

mammon:

alright so i know that clingy mammon is basically a universally accepted thing but i’d like to propose something a bit deeper

mammon is definitely one of the more affectionate brothers right off the bat, but for him to get truly clingy? that actually takes a good while

for mammon, actively seeking affection is an enormous display of vulnerability. like, you don’t even know how enormous

being the most panned brother in the family means that he’s used to being rejected for all sorts of things, to the point where receiving a ‘no’ when he asks for anything is pretty much expected from the beginning

you’re going to have to sit him down and have a proper conversation about Feelings before he can let that go, and even then it takes him a while after that to realise that you don’t mind if he just comes up behind you while you’re doing homework and drapes himself over your shoulders

but oh boy once he gets into it he gets INTO it

good luck sitting just about anywhere because mammon WILL find a way to cuddle up to you somehow

depending on how much room there is this can go many ways

will he throw himself down sideways and plant his head on your legs? will he settle next to you and pull you into his chest? will he just straight up drop himself in your lap and demand a hug? it’s a mystery

(do make sure to keep initiating affection yourself as well, by the way, because if mammon realises that he’s giving you a lot more affection that you’re giving him he’s going to get insecure again)

(by the way, if you ever do feel like he’s suffocating you a little, just tell him straight up. trying to talk subtly will only confuse him and make him think that he really is starting to put you off - just say clearly that you love him and that he’s still welcome to seek affection, you just need him to tone it down a little. mammon’s happy to do so to make sure you’re comfortable in your relationship!)

mammon is generally very proud that you’re his partner so his clinginess is only reduced by like 10% in public

the two of you’ll be walking around r.a.d. holding hands and he’ll be alternating between staring at you in awe, bumping you gently in the shoulder because the increased contact makes his heart do happy little cartwheels, and giving all the demons walking past smug looks

like ‘see this human next to me? aren’t they the loveliest being you’ve ever seen? don’t you wish you had someone like that? too bad, my human’s one of a kind. suck it, losers.’

he does refrain from too much pda (especially during class) but he also refuses to lose his back hug privilege just because there are other demons around

he does it at the beginning of class when you get in before him, he does it whenever he sees you walking ahead of him in the corridors, he does it to greet you at the end of the day before you start walking home together

running up and throwing his arms around you from behind is just one of his absolute favourite things to do

you know that trope in romance movies where person a hugs person b and like lifts them up and twirls them around? it’s mammon’s dream to one day do that with you

whether he’s the twirler or the twirlee he doesn’t mind, he just wants to do it at least once

allow me to warn you though: if you do let him do the picking up and twirling, he’s not going to stop doing it every time he sees you from now on

and, if you do the picking up and twirling, he isn’t going to stop asking you to do it every time he sees you from now on either

leviathan:

levi’s clinginess dips and peaks on a pretty regular basis

if he’s recently gotten into a new game, anime, or manga, he’ll pretty much not seek any affection at all (at first anyway)

he won’t reject you if you seek affection yourself but he also won’t really initiate it himself

generally these periods will last up to a week, after which levi will usually decide that he hasn’t had nearly enough hugs in recent memory and finally come to find you

even when he is at one of the peaks though he’s not anywhere near maximum neediness

a really needy and clingy levi usually happens when he’s either jealous or has had a sudden existential crisis and is in ‘if i don’t cuddle with them right now i WILL die’ mode

the jealous part is pretty standard - he sees asmo being a bit too touchy with you, you seem to be having more fun with mammon than usual, you’ve been texting solomon a whole lot for the last few days, etc.

of course he trusts you and knows you love him but 1. he gets incredibly insecure, and 2. avatar of envy, remember?

when it comes to this, levi’ll start out by spamming you with messages to come to his room, and if you don’t affirm that you’re coming within two minutes of him sending the texts, he’s getting up to find you

this happens a lot when you’re spending time with one of the other brothers, so what usually happens is levi’ll just barge in and plonk himself on you

for example, you might be in the library with satan, debating theories about what’ll happen in the next volume of the book series you’re both reading

levi will practically kick the door down in the middle of your conversation and make a bee-line for you, jumping up onto the couch beside you and wrapping his arms firmly around your waist

if satan tries to intervene, levi will hiss at him

on the other hand, existential crisis ‘i need touch NOW’ levi is a bit more complex

he comes out pretty rarely but when he does it is a doozy

missing his old home in the celestial realm, remembering the absolute bloodshed of the celestial war and how it had felt to fall and lose his angelic wings, detesting the demon he’s become, the whole shebang

he spends hours on end just lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling, wondering how the hell he got here, just generally feeling awful about both himself and the things he’s done

then that spirals into ‘how am i alive’ and ‘how does life even work’ and ‘where the fuck did father even get the idea for fingers’

and then he’ll suddenly spot something in his room that reminds him of you (whether it be a polaroid on the wall, the controller you were using last time you were over, or a character that looks vaguely like you on one of his posters) and suddenly decide that if he isn’t cuddling you in five minutes maximum, he is going to drop dead

he’s too desperate to waste time by texting you and waiting for a response, so he immediately jumps up and essentially goes on a rampage

it doesn’t matter how many of his brothers are around, it doesn’t matter even if diavolo himself is hanging around, nothing is stopping levi from wrapping you firmly in his arms as soon as he sees you and burying his face in the crook of your neck

on the occasion that you’re out of the house, he’ll either call you and plead for you to come back or sit at the bottom of the stairs in front of the door and wait for you to get back

post existential crisis levi is also often at least 10x clingier than usual for up to two weeks afterwards, so expect a lot more hand-holding, side-hugs and pulling you into his lap while he’s watching anime or playing games

satan:

you know that trope in ships where person a enjoys books and person b accosts them from behind while they’re reading? well here person a enjoys books and, while reading, accosts person b

satan’s caught between a rock and a hard place when it comes to balancing his hunger for reading and his need for contact with you so things often end with him doing both at the same time

before he’d typically only ever read either in his room or in the library, but these days he just brings a particularly long book and follows you around, and sits down to read in whatever room you’re in

even if you’re in one of the other brothers’ rooms, he’ll invite himself along, sit wherever he finds comfortable, and go right back to his book

it’s like when cats follow you into every room you go into but don’t acknowledge your existence and settle down somewhere without even looking at you

except satan can’t do it for longer than an hour or two at a time because (even though he’s also ignoring you) he cannot bear not having your attention on him for so long when you’re like. right there

at which point, still determinedly pretending to be absorbed in his book, he’ll start inching closer to you

sometimes you don’t notice until he’s practically on top of you (for example when the two of you are on opposite ends of the sofa in mammon’s room and all he needs to do is shuffle sideways), but other times he’s just so painfully obvious about it (for example when you’re sitting around the dining room table and he starts like,,, hopping his chair over to you as if he thinks no one can see him????)

he’s not going to say anything, oh no no no, he’s just going to lean into your side and then carry on reading

here’s a trick though

wrap an arm around his shoulder, lean over and kiss him on the head, then ask him what he’s doing with a little fond smile on your face. he is putty in your hands in 0.0000000005 seconds

(as if he isn’t already putty in your hands 24/7)

he immediately loses all focus on his book, starts smiling like a lovestruck goof (which he is), attempts to disguise said smile, fails to disguise said smile, and finally just puts his book aside and goes full snuggle mode

it drives his brothers crazy because he does not read the room in the slightest when doing this. like, take that scenario i mentioned earlier where you’re in mammon’s room - satan does not give a single shit that mammon is right there and that’s his sofa

satan does like to do the holding (it makes him feel like he’s protecting you from the big bad outside and also seeing you all cuddled up to his chest makes his heart dissolve into a little puddle) but he is such an absolute sucker for being held

stroke his hair. do it. watch just how much he melts

if he was a cat he’d be purring himself into blissful oblivion

satan also often gets clingier if you’ve been spending a lot of time with lucifer recently

it’s not really a ‘showing lucifer that you’re his’ clingy, it’s more of a ‘he has a massive inferiority complex and needs more physical affection before he self implodes with the Bad Feeling’ kind of clingy

in this case satan absolutely needs to be the one being held because he needs that kind of reassurance

he most likely won’t tell you why he’s suddenly so desperate for cuddles now but you can usually pick up on the fact that he’s a bit down and therefore hold him accordingly

if you weren’t stroking his hair before you better do it now you absolute monster

in particularly vulnerable moments he’ll actually grab your wrist and plant your hand on his head himself because he really wants you to do it but feels embarrassed saying so out loud

asmodeus:

oh BOY

look there’s no way of putting this softly. asmo’s an attention whore

and he isn’t ashamed to say or demonstrate it either

linking arms with you wherever you go? absolutely. giving you a big kiss on the cheek whenever he sees you? routine. practically sitting in your lap wherever you’re sitting? always.

if he can see you and he isn’t touching you then there is a severe problem and he must fix it immediately

the other students at rad are split between being sick of seeing you and asmo walking around hand in hand with asmo physically looking like he has sparkly little hearts coming off of him or thinking it’s actually really cute

at one point the faculty at rad thought it would be funny to sit you on opposite sides of the classroom and asmo’s grades immediately dropped because he was just spending three quarters of each lesson staring wistfully at you and sighing so loudly every five minutes that he was annoying all the other students

in the end they put you back next to each other and asmo was over the moon

he just can’t maintain concentration on his work without being able to lean over and nuzzle his head against your shoulder on the regular

he’ll try not to annoy you too much though - if he sees that you want to concentrate on your work or the teacher he’ll refrain from being too clingy

i feel like asmo’s probably starved of innocent affectionate touch so he thrives off of doing things like brushing his nose against yours or linking his fingers with yours while the two of you are browsing a store

he also loves doing things like feeding you at dinner (and of course being fed by you at dinner) but his brothers (read: belphie, levi, mammon) set up such a fuss at how ‘gross’ it is that he doesn’t do it too often

he’s perfectly happy with the not so innocent kind of affectionate touch (he is the avatar of lust after all) but there’ something about cuddling in bed without it intensifying into something more rough that just hits different

he was already diligent about his sleep schedule but now he straight up looks forward to bedtime because it means no one can disturb cuddle time

asmo takes good care of his skin so before he always made sure to sleep lying flat on his back without his face touching the pillowcase so that any product on it doesn’t get wiped off

but - and this is a huge thing - to asmo, cuddling with you goes above his skin in terms of importance

he starts using less stay-on products at night and starts investing in stuff that absorbs nice and quick so that he can smush his face into your shoulder without worrying about getting his face oil on it

asmo also used to be pretty good about getting up on time but now that’s kind of gone

you: “asmo come on we need to get up”

asmo, sleepily pulling you even closer: “cuddle good”

you: “yes cuddle good but we have school”

asmo: “school evil. cuddle good”

lucifer is often frustrated but asmo seems so happy that he can’t bring himself to tell him off

while asmo would be glad to be drowning you in affection at all times, he’s also very aware of the need to be mindful of boundaries and stuff in relationships

he’s good at reading your mood, so if he senses that you’d probably get a little irritated (though you wouldn’t say so, bless you) if he decided to enthusiastically greet you with an ambush hug from the side as usual, he’ll just calmly walk up and take your hand instead

also if you feel like he’s being too much just let him know! he won’t be hurt at all, he’s conscious that his general lack of holding back when it comes to physical affection isn’t for everyone

he’s also perfectly happy to save all the affection for when the two of you are alone if you don’t like pda

beelzebub:

beel’s probably the least (consistently) clingy out of the brothers

he’s very much got a one-track mind so if he needs to concentrate on something like homework or finding snacks or working out then the likelihood is that cuddling won’t even cross his mind

in addition to that he’s also usually content just to be near and watch you

belphie’s got an entire album of photos of beel gazing off at something in the distance with an expression of absolute adoration and in each of those photos he was staring at you

no matter how mundane what you’re doing may be, he’s captivated

apart from that his persistent hunger means that whenever he doesn’t need to focus on something else, his one-track mind is generally constantly thinking about how hungry he is, so even then he doesn’t have the room in his mind to get clingy

however, when he does realise that he wants some affection, he becomes absolutely desperate for it, and this is the only time he really gets clingy

it usually starts out as a niggling little thought at the back of his mind while he’s in the middle of something else

he’s vaguely aware that something’s up but he’s too busy concentrating on that other thing to really think about it

it’s like a little hole is opening up inside him and generally when he feels that, he’s hungry, so beel will automatically go eat

but then as he’s sitting there eating he’ll kind of think ‘this isn’t filling up that hole at all’

he’ll take a couple more bites, thinking hard (he might miss his mouth a few times since he’s so deep in thought) and then come to an epiphany

the hole wasn’t a need for food… it was a need for affection

at first he’s just kind of like ‘ah that makes sense’ and carries on eating, just thinking that he’ll give you a hug or something next time he sees you

but then he can’t stop thinking about that need for affection

beel isn’t great at taking the initiative when it comes to affection (mostly because he doesn’t really know how) so instead of actually seeking you out he’s more likely to just sit there and stew in his own want for affection

generally the other brothers will just leave him alone because he’s giving off a real scary aura and it often gives the impression that he’s mad about something, and an angry beel is even scarier than an angry lucifer

the exception is (of course) belphie

it took him a while to figure it out but eventually he realised that when beel gets like this the only solution is to get you

so that’s what he does

beel will be sat grumpily in the corner of the living room, biscuits abandoned beside him, and he’ll hear the door open

at first he doesn’t bother turning around because he’s still sulking about how much he wants some affection

if you don’t immediately realise what’s going on belphie will give you a silent little nudge and then pad off to leave you with your lovely boy

you may be inclined to call out to him, but here’s a much better way to greet him: creep up and hug him from behind

he lets out the tiniest little gasp, stiffening for a moment as he processes what’s going on, then turns to look at you and just lights up like a christmas tree

i hope your schedule is clear because once beel’s got his arms around you, you probably aren’t going to going anywhere anytime soon

but it’s okay because he’s very warm and comfy and he keeps kissing you on the head and it’s like the sweetest thing ever

if you do absolutely need to get up to do something he’ll follow you like a lost duckling until you’re free to cuddle again because once beel gets like this it takes a while for him to stop being clingy

belphegor:

similarly to levi, belphie’s clinginess fluctuates a lot between ‘i will hold your hand but that’s it’ and ‘if you don’t hug me right now i will Scream’

sometimes he’s fine with just napping in the same room as you without particularly caring about being super close to you and other times he can’t sleep unless he’s latched around your goddamn neck

he switches between the two states of clinginess really quickly and there’s no in between either - it’s one or the other

you know that thing cats do where one minute they’re cuddled up on your lap and purring as you stroke them and then the next minute they’re grabbing your hand and trying to murder you? belphie does this on the regular

he doesn’t start biting you but he does go from being all snuggled against you wrapped in a blanket to being curled up on the other side of the sofa and shooting you a very reproachful look if you disturb him by making too much noise or moving too much

the switching goes both ways so other times he’ll seem perfectly happy snoozing on your bed while you get some work done at your desk and then he’ll suddenly be draping himself on you and whining for you to come nap with him because he’s so lonely without you and surely you must be done with that stuff now, so come and cuddle right now or he’s going to cry

however, if you do the right (or wrong thing) you can actually get belphie to switch between the two states of clinginess yourself

if for some reason you want him to go from ‘maximum cuddle overdrive’ to ‘do not touch me???’, just tickle him. he’ll give you a disgruntled look and immediately move away (though if he was being particularly cuddly before it won’t be long before he’s coming to snuggle again)

on the other hand if you want him to go from ‘do not touch me???’ to ‘maximum cuddle overdrive’ then all you need to do is give him a relatively short hug and a kiss on the forehead, then pull away

no matter how firmly he was in ‘do not touch me???’ mode before, doing this immediately makes him go ‘not allowed to stop now, give me more love >:((((‘

he doesn’t really care that you’re doing this on purpose because to be honest he doesn’t notice that it’s a deliberate thing, even if you do it like five times in a row

he’s just focusing on the ‘hug and kiss feel good. want MORE’ bit

by the way if you do deliberately get him into clingy mode, you aren’t going to be able to switch him back to not-clingy mode for at least an hour because he’ll just bat your hand away if you try to keep tickling him and refuse to budge

to be honest though you don’t really need to do this too often because ‘do not touch me???’ belphie never lasts more than twelve hours before becoming ‘maximum cuddle overdrive’ belphie, and most of the time it takes much less time than that, plus ‘maximum cuddle overdrive’ belphie tends to stick around a lot longer

is he’s on a schedule??? because it’s such a regular thing??

take how his clinginess levels change throughout the night for example:

like at the beginning of the night when you’re both getting into bed he’ll be facing away from you, seeming perfectly content with just snuggling into his cow pillow (though he will hold your hand under the covers if you want)

and then nearly exactly four hours into sleeping he’ll suddenly roll over and latch himself around your neck and just will not budge for the rest of the right

but then about five minutes before he wakes up he’ll let go and roll to the other side of the bed again

and then about half an hour after initially waking up he’ll roll back over and start clinging to you again and go back to sleep

is it like a body clock?? does belphie have a clinginess clock???????

diavolo:

the sheer touch starvation of this poor demon… it’s enough to make any grown man cry

his father was the big scary king of the devildom and diavolo was only ever raised to be a good ruler without much father-son bonding, and he also had basically no close friends (apart from barbatos but he wasn’t exactly the cuddly type)

it’s kind of heart breaking how little affection he’s had throughout his life to be honest

and diavolo thrives off of affection and praise (a bit like a golden retriever) which makes it even SADDER because he’s had so little

so now that he has you he is just on cloud nine

just like. permanently. he’s started whistling cheerfully to himself whenever he walks places and honestly it wouldn’t be surprising if he started breaking out in musical numbers

and he brings you with him EVERYWHERE

as the pseudo-ruler of the devildom (his dad’s technically still the official king but he’s asleep so diavolo’s the one making all the kingly decisions) he has to preside over the trials of a couple particularly offensive demons

the defendant will walk in and he’ll be sitting there on his custom throne in this sweeping red and black robe and you’re sitting beside him in an equally ornate throne and wearing a equally fancy robe

(side note diavolo loves seeing you on that throne because it gives you this really powerful regal air and it suits you so well and he just. he simps so hard)

the two of you look like the evil royal couple from some fairytale and it’s incredibly intimidating

but then the judge will start reading the charges and the lawyers (do they have lawyers in the devildom) will be cross examining or whatever it is lawyers do, which means no one’s paying too much attention to what diavolo’s doing

of course he does need to listen to what’s being said but at the same time he’s not the one making the final verdict - he’s only really here to watch the trial

so…

linking hands with you and leaning over and nestling his head against yours it is :D

it kind of ruins the whole intimidating effect when the defendant looks over and you and the demon lord are just canoodling like newlyweds

apart from moments like these diavolo is also practically always touching you. like it’s to the point where it’s almost excessive

it’s basically reflex for him to reach for your hand as soon as he sits beside you or to link arms with you when you’re walking together

he’ll start hugging you and he just??? won’t stop???

like he’ll catch you walking past his room in his castle and come up to give you a hug from behind and then like five minutes later barbatos will see you shuffling about the corridors with diavolo still hanging from your shoulders as if he’s trying to get a piggy back ride

barbatos is torn between loving you for how happy you make the young prince and hating you because diavolo never gets any of his work when you’re around

like at one point he tries motivating diavolo by inviting you over to the castle and telling diavolo that he can go be with you as soon as he finishes his paperwork

but all that happens is diavolo will read exactly two sentences and then immediately declare that he can’t concentrate on work when you’re so close by

at this point barbatos practically begs you to stay away from the castle just for another hour or two because if diavolo doesn’t read through these papers thoroughly he’s going to end up accidentally agreeing to fund a giant bat statue again

does diavolo care about any pda affecting his image? not really

you’re far more important to him than any kind of reputation he might need to upkeep and to be honest if he can’t hug you just because some hoity-toity noble is watching, then what’s the point?????

if it bothers you though he’s happy to tone it down :D

barbatos:

i feel like barbatos is the only one on this list that you can’t really describe as being clingy at all

not necessarily because he doesn’t like affection - the thing is that he’s always so busy that he doesn’t really any choice

even if he does feel the need for affection he just can’t act on it because he has things to arrange and places to clean and paperwork to sort

to be honest he was cautious of committing to a relationship with you in the first place because even though he loved you to pieces he knew he wasn’t going to be able to consistently provide you with the affection you deserved

you’re also going to have to be incredibly patient with him because even when barbatos does have time for affection he’s super awkward about it at first

he’s only ever really known how to treat people from the whole butler state of mind

which just be polite and courteous, keep them happy, do as you’re told and keep your distance

aside from that he was already a little touch averse in the first place and he just doesn’t find it easy to be physically affectionate

he tries to make up for it with verbal affection and a whole host of endearing nicknames but he’s fully aware that a relationship can’t really survive on words alone

so he also tries to do little things like giving you a flower every day or leaving you little gifts and notes

and you seem happy with that which makes him happy but soon enough barbatos starts to realise that he actually wants physical affection as well

he starts small, with cheek kisses and loose hand-holding, making sure that both of you are comfortable, and soon enough you can just run and jump at him and he’ll catch you and start peppering you with tiny kisses

it’s pretty blissful but the thing is that he still doesn’t get a chance to do these things enough

i guess the best way to say it is that barbatos is kind of clingy mentally (like he’ll be thinking about wanting affection on the regular) but can’t really let that through physically

luckily for him, diavolo’s a nice boss and decides that if barbatos doesn’t start taking breaks so that he can actually be with you, he’s going to force him to

barbatos before this has basically never taken a single break in his entire life and diavolo decides that that has to change

so now barbatos gets evenings off to do as he likes

it means that the little ds of the castle have to pick up some of the work barbatos usually does but they all respect the butler a lot and they’re glad that he’s happy with you so they’re willing to help

what does barbatos do with this free time?

spend it with you of course (was there ever going to be another answer)

he’s still not super clingy because that’s just not how barbatos is but he does consistently seek and give affection during this time off

the two of you’ll be baking something together and he’ll keep leaning over to kiss your nose while you’re decorating

barbatos is definitely happy to bake with you if you’re already good with that kind of thing but he’s also just over the moon if you’ve never baked anything in your life because it makes him feel all warm when he gets to teach you

and when you’re under barbatos’s instructions, it’s basically impossible to make something bad

the others they all agree that barbatos’s baking always tastes better when he does it with you

barbatos also very much likes to do that thing where person a has some flour or something on their face and person b reaches to wipe it off but their touch is way more tender than necessary and also their hand stays there for way too long

you’re not complaining though

(occasionally barbatos will deliberately flick a little flour at your cheek when you’re not paying attention so that he can do this)

simeon:

some of you are probably going to disagree with this but simeon’s an angel so i doubt he’s super physical with his affection

honestly he probably doesn’t even kiss you that often—

HA JUST KIDDING

simeon LOVES physical affection

kisses? he adores them, can’t get enough. holding hands? he never wants to let go. brushing noses? it makes his heart do backflips. hugs? get over here right now

that being said he only really gets ‘clingy’ when he sees you

simeon often doesn’t realise how much he likes your touch until he sees you. it’s like if he can’t see you, he just forgets that giving affection to and receiving affection from you is a thing that can happen

object permanence isn’t one of simeon’s strong points i'm afraid

like if he’s at purgatory hall and you’re over in the house of lamentation he isn’t going to be sulking in his room because he wants cuddles

but if you then come knocking at the door he’s all over you immediately

arm linked with yours as soon as you’re over the threshold to guide you to the living room even though you’re fully aware of where it is, sitting down flush beside you and basically draping his cloak around your shoulders so that he can actually feel you against him rather than feeling you through the fabric, holding one of your hands in both of his and just running his fingers up and down your palm

his absolute favourite thing is the aforementioned brushing noses thing

he first saw it on some cliche romance show solomon was watching and he basically had stars in his eyes

he immediately sent you a very excited and typo-ridden text about it, followed by another text asking if the two of you could try it

it didn’t really work the first time because simeon got overexcited and just bonked his head right into yours

he got the hang out of it eventually though and now he greets you like that every time he sees you

it doesn’t matter how many times he does it, it never fails to make him feel all fluttery and warm inside

if he ever seems down this is a sure fire way to get him to cheer up

it’s great when he’s the one initiating, but when you do it? he hits a whole other level of serotonin

doesn’t matter how blue his mood is, he’ll immediately start giggling, especially if you plant a little kiss on his nose right after

there is one type of affection that kind of scares simeon at first though

so angels are all about the seven heavenly virtues and one of those is chastity

simeon’s shameless when it comes to affection like hugging you from behind or linking hands with you under a table but sharing a bed with you is a different story entirely

you’re not even doing anything you’re literally just lying under the same covers, several inches away from him might i add, and he’s still basically evaporating

it takes him a good three days or so to be able to relax and then another whole week to be able to actually cuddle with you in bed without exploding

and you’ve still got to take it slow from there because even just wrapping your legs around his immediately makes him short circuit

and even once he’s used to that as well, whispering to him in a tone that even only slightly indicates flirtation is enough to fluster him into next week

actually doing that even when you’re just out and about still gets him all in a tizzy

at first asmo thought you must be saying some truly sinful things whenever you leaned over and whispered something to simeon and he’d immediately bury his face in his hands and practically start steaming

then one time he was close enough to actually hear what you were saying and it literally just ‘you’re really cute, you know that?’

weak, simeon. weak.

try not to tease him too much, his heart might not be able to take it

luke:

luke basically follows you around everywhere like a shadow

to be honest simeon kind of feels a little betrayed because before luke always stuck firmly by his side but these days as soon as he sees you he starts making a bee line for you instead

you’ll take three steps into r.a.d. and before you’ve even taken another breath luke is hurrying up to you with a big smile on his face

he’ll be walking at two times his comfortable walking pace to make sure he can keep up with you and eagerly nodding along to everything you say

he’s like this little kid who just thinks you’re so so so cool and that you physically can do no wrong

and normally luke doesn’t like being treated like a child but when you do it, it feels more like an endearment thing than an patronising thing, so he doesn’t mind

if you ruffle his hair he gets so happy

up in the human world you hold his hand to cross roads and he’s just like !!!!!!

he feels so safe and happy with you awwwww

he also likes to study with you because you’re good at motivating him, and whenever he gets a good grade on a test or essay he’ll immediately run to find you and show you (or call you if you’re not in the school building)

(tell him you’re proud of him right NOW)

of course he can’t be following you about at all times (that’s just impossible) but he seems to always be there when it counts, especially when you’re having a moment with one of the demons

for example you might be walking around in the r.a.d. gardens after school with asmo

as soon as asmo starts getting close to you, guess who’s running up to you with his arms in the air, greeting you a bit too enthusiastically? that’s right it’s luke

if your partner is barbatos he’ll be a bit more mellow about it since he likes him

but if it’s lucifer, mammon, or diavolo in particular, he gets even more vigilant

even if you’re not with one of the demons (i.e. with solomon or simeon) he’s still barging in whenever the two of you start getting too close for his taste

honestly he acts like a little brother who really doesn’t like who his sibling’s dating (or just doesn’t like the fact that his sibling is dating at all in solomon, simeon and barbatos’ case)

do you mind? not really

it does get a little irritating sometimes but you know luke means the best

just sit him down and talk to him about it and he’ll (though a little begrudgingly) agree to let you have your moments with whoever your beau is

that being said that doesn’t mean he’s going to stop glaring at any of the random students r.a.d. who looks at you for a bit too long

he’s okay with the brothers and diavolo and barbatos but he still doesn’t really trust the demons as a whole so he’s always on his guard because his parental/big sibling figure is NOT getting hurt on his watch

you’re also the first person he thinks of whenever he’s baked something

solomon often texts you to let you know if luke’s baking something in the purgatory hall kitchen because within a couple of hours (it depends on what he’s baking) he’ll be on your doorstep with a healthy portion of whatever it was he made in a pretty little box

(as an aside solomon ALWAYS lets you know this by sending a picture of luke hard at work, which is innocent in and of itself, but he always captions it ‘luke’s baked’ for some fucking reason and you keep getting mini heart attacks because is he implying that luke’s doing weed???)

anyway luke always starts packaging some of his baking up for you as soon as he’s done and simeon and solomon are just like ‘what are we, chopped liver???’

he does still like his house mates of course but it’s just,,,, you’re special okay

solomon:

solomon’s definitely clingy, but he’s, like, subtle about it

instead of constantly needing to be holding your hand, he’ll constantly have his pinky linked with yours

instead of constantly demanding kisses, he’ll just nudge his cheek against yours every now and then

instead of sitting right next to you so that you’re basically smushed up against each other, he’ll make sure to keep the side of one of his legs softly brushing against yours

it’s partially because solomon himself doesn’t really feel comfortable with heavy physical affection and partially because he’s always hated it when couples are super into pda and he doesn’t want to be a hypocrite

despite both these things he’s still incredibly in love with you though so he does still like to be near you whenever possible

he likes to have you in the room whenever he’s trying out a new spell or mixing up a potion or something because he can just sashay over and get a little kiss on the cheek or the nose and that’s enough to motivate him for at least another hour

solomon’s also got this constant kind of feeling that he needs to protect you while you’re in the devildom because you’re the only two humans surrounded by deadly demons at all times

he’s aware that you can protect yourself (especially once he starts teaching you spells) but he can’t help it

this means that while the two of you are in public he’s actually more likely to do something like put his arm around you

apart from that his clinginess mostly comes through in little things (as i mentioned earlier), but those little things are basically happening indefinitely

like at any given moment you and solomon are together, take a moment to observe. he is 99.99999% likely to be touching you in some way or another

it can be the tiniest thing placing his hand on the table beside yours and letting his pinky touch yours, but it is most definitely happening

all this being said solomon does still like to do the bigger things, he just prefers to do them more sparingly and when no one else is around

he’s been around for so long without anyone who truly loves him and stays by his side like you do and he wants those special moments to be for the two of you only

he’s actually really playful with his affection behind closed doors - like you’ll be all snuggled together in bed and he’ll suddenly blow right into your ear and start laughing hysterically when you start

return the favour when he least expects it and he won’t be laughing anymore

(secretly he is laughing on the inside because you’re just so cute but he’s pretending to be startled on the outside so that you don’t get all sulky)

solomon’s statistically more likely to become clingier/more elaborate with his physical affection as the relationship goes on

like he evolves from greeting you by smiling and reaching over to brush his fingers gently against your cheek to greeting you with these really big bear hugs (not all the time - it usually happens whenever he hasn’t seen you for maybe a day or two - but he definitely does it pretty regularly)

he also starts doing this thing where he’ll sneak up on you while you’re sitting in like the living room or something and fling his giant jacket-cloak over you, and then he’ll settle down next to you so that you’re both all snuggled up underneath it

he does this once and then he can’t stop doing it because underneath the jacket you’re so close and it’s so warm and he just. he adores

to simeon and luke watching from the outside however it looks incredibly strange

(by the way i’m still so angry about it being a jacket like WHY did it have to be a jacket? it was fine as a cloak?? also WHY did it have to fade into white the black into blue was perfectly gorgeous on its own)

(ALSO, what is going on with those half white half black shoes???? solomon really out here rocking with the cruella de vil converse)

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wrenreid · 2 years

Text

Off Limits

content warnings: talk of canon-consistent trauma

Part Five

I sit down next to Spencer on the couch, pulling a blanket onto my lap as I cross my legs in a pretzel. I’m in my pjs, a t shirt from my days in my high school’s chess club and a pair of blue cotton shorts I found in my dresser.

Spencer’s wearing red plaid pajama bottoms and a white t shirt. He looks good in a white t shirt. I hate that I’m thinking it but I am.

He has the bowl of popcorn in his lap as he turns on the tv. He then gives the remote to me since I lived here and know how to work it better.

As I’m searching through movies on Netflix, Spencer looks over to me.

“You were in chess club?”

I laugh softly, slightly embarrassed by the neediness I possessed in high school. “Yeah. I wasn’t great, but I was probably the best one. Well except Charlie Van Horton. Man, I hated that guy.”

Spencer chuckles a little, his white teeth nearly blinding me. He has a pretty smile. His lips are nice and pink too. God, I’m going to punch myself when he turns around.

“I love chess,” he tells me. “Your dad refuses to play with me because I always beat him.”

I laugh softly. “He refuses to play with me too.”

He smiles faintly. “Maybe we could play together sometime?”

“Oh hell no!” I laugh. “You’d kick my ass in two minutes.”

“Probably one.”

“Oh you got jokes now, Dr. Reid?” I hold my chuckle.

Spencer doesn’t hide his. “I can be funny.”

“Not on purpose,” I say, eyeing him.

“Ouch.”

I roll my eyes, choosing a movie. “This okay?”

He reads the summary in a solid 3 seconds. “Yes, sounds good.”

It’s a thriller movie that I figured he’d appreciate, but it shouldn’t be too scary where I’ll be unnerved for a few hours.

I press play and reach into the bowl on his lap, grabbing a handful of popcorn. He opted for the kettlecorn. Good choice.

Eventually, the credits start rolling on the screen. I’m half asleep and barely payed attention to the second half of the movie. It wasn’t bad, just not entirely attention grabbing.

“Jade?” Spencer asks softly.

“I’m awake,” I say, and my voice is barely convincing.

“You should get some rest.”

I yawn before rising from the couch. “I won’t argue with that. Goodnight, Spencer.”

“Sleep well,” he says gently.

I groggily go upstairs and make my way to my bedroom, being quiet as to not wake up my brother. It’s nearly 2am, and it was a struggle to get him asleep anyway.

I wake up this morning to the smell of eggs and bacon. Man, I could get used to Spencer being here.

After my usual bathroom routine, aka run to the toilet before I pee myself, wash my face, brush my teeth, and fix my bed head, I head downstairs toward the smell of breakfast.

Jack’s in his usual spot, feet kicking in the air as he sits and waits for his food to be ready. I sit down next to him after greeting the two boys.

“What are we doing today?” Jack asks me.

“I don’t know. What would you like to do?”

I can tell that he didn’t think that far ahead when he shrugs.

“Get back to me on that,” I say with a chuckle.

Spencer’s no longer in his pjs, which would be disappointing to me if I didn’t like the fit of the grey slacks he was wearing. I only met myself gaze for a few seconds.

“Sleep okay?” He asks me as he gets the eggs and bacon on a plate for my brother.

“Yep,” I nod. “I was so tired I almost missed my bed laying down.”

He gives me a concerned look.

“I didn’t though,” I assure him. “How’d you sleep?”

“Pretty well,” he says. “The usual at least.”

I have a feeling his usual isn’t great, but l don’t pry.

Today, we’re laid back. Spencer runs an errand, and I stay with Jack playing with action figures until he comes back.

Around 1pm, I tell him to get ready for a nap, but he tells me he’s not tired. I argue with him for a bit, not sure how Dad handles these things.

“How about I read to you?” Spencer asks.

Jack’s little brown eyes light up. “Okay!”

He runs to the shelves by the tv and grabs his favorite book. I remember Dad reading it to me when I was his age. It was originally mine. It has my name in it, and when I was 18, I wrote Jack’s under mine.

Spencer’s voice is steady and calming. He slows down his pace so Jack can understand. He lets my brother read some of the words he’s learned.

I can’t help but smile at the sight of Jack leaned against Spencer’s shoulder while he reads to him.

Soon enough, I see those little eyes getting droopy. Spencer volunteers to lay him down. He carries him upstairs and comes back shortly after.

“You’re really good with him,” I tell him. “So much better than me.”

“Don’t say that. He adores you,” Spencer says.

“He has to; I’m his sister. He looks up to you.”

He smiles softly, those pink lips looking extra pretty.

—————

Jade says Jack looks up to me. I give her a soft smile, not sure what to say in response. I’m honored. I never thought I was looking up to material. Hotch and Morgan are definitely looking up to material, but am I?

Growing up, I didn’t have a man around who was. My father was around for the first 10 years of my life, but he made a point to stay at work later and be gone on errands longer than necessary once my mother’s health declined. He was not looking up to material. I knew this even when I was a kid, but especially when I stood there, trying to come up with something to say when my mother was begging him to stay. She called him a coward. I told her I’m not one.

But I think everyone can be cowardice at times. I surely wasn’t brave when Tobias Hankel held me in his father’s cellar. And I wasn’t heroic when a man who was looking up to material left me with only a letter.

And it’s not a brave thing to think that I don’t want a son because I’m not sure how to be a father to one when I didn’t have a good example. But that’s how I feel.

So maybe I’ll stick to the babysitting. Jack and Henry are great kids. I’ll just take care of them when needed and not have to worry about them not having a good role model. Hotch, Will, and JJ are perfect for that part.

“You okay there, Spencer?” Jade asks, bringing me back to the present.

“Yeah,” I nod. “Did you know daydreaming has many positive effects, including the lessening of anxiety?”

She shakes her head with a soft chuckle. “Yeah, I think you are okay.”

“I think I’m going to order Chinese for dinner if that’s okay with you,” I ask, changing the subject.

Takeout is a usual meal of mine inbetween cases. I’ve grown accustomed to it, and now I’m craving orange chicken and spring rolls.

“That sounds good to me. I’m sure Jack will agree. He loves noodles,” she says.

Over dinner, we talk about Jack’s favorite cartoons and how he’s excited for summer break. He says he hopes his dad will be home more to see him, and it makes me a little sad for him.

That man spends so much time dealing with serial killers, politics, and paperwork. I’m sure that’s one of the reasons Jade has always been a little distant with people- the walls.

“You don’t have many friends outside of work do you?” Jade asks, and it catches me off guard. Her tone isn’t rude or judgmental.

I furrow my eyebrows and press my lips together. “No.”

“I think that’s weird,” she says, and I almost give her a strange look before she says, “You’re a good person, easy to talk to. I guess you’re too busy with work, huh?”

“Yeah. The BAU keeps me occupied. Thank you though,” I say a little awkwardly.

I think Jade Hotchner is the only person in the world to say I am easy to talk to. The thought makes a slight grin creep up onto my face.

“What’s your middle name?” I ask after the curiosity clicked in my mind.

“Brooke. Brooks is- was my mom’s maiden name, so they thought it was fitting,” she tells me, and I’m a little sorry I asked because I didn’t mean to make her talk about her mom.

“It’s pretty,” I say instead of saying an awkward apology.

“Thank you,” she gives me a small smile.

Tomorrow, well really tonight since it’s past 12am when I’m going to bed, is Friday, the last full day I’m babysitting Jack. Hotch should be back late Morning Saturday.

six

tags: @pauline5525mgg @theintimatewriter @lilibet261 @greysviolets @jazzymariexoxoc @one-sweet-gubler @thatsonezesty13 @necromaniackat @awhoreforspencerreid @sebs-oxygen @crynroom @scarredelirium @reid1nspiration @bts-sugaplum @awesomeness1679 @preciousbabypeter @yazzyu @cynbx @r3idsp3ncer @1010lizz <3

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masterofmunson · 3 years

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look after you (1)

TFATWS Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: Sam asks you to join him and Bucky on a mission in Madripoor. When you get injured, Bucky feels the need to remind you more than once that he’s supposed to look after you now that Steve’s gone.

Warnings: tfatws spoilers, language, violence, blood, grief, angst, major pining

Word Count: 6k+

Author’s Note: Here she is!! I’m really excited to see what you guys think! This is my first Bucky fic in AGES! I decided to make this into a mini series since this fic is so long haha. Please let me know what you think. Comments, reblogs, and asks are highly encouraged and appreciated! Enjoy!

You hadn’t seen Sam or Bucky in several weeks. You were still adjusting to life post-blip. It had been a long five years for you and just seconds for them. You were no longer the bright-eyed and bushy tailed recruit. You’d grown into your position amongst the established and experienced Avengers. Now, it meant nothing.

Tony’s gone. Steve’s dead, Natasha too. The Avengers had officially disbanded. You felt lost and confused, still blinded by your grief over losing them. You had nowhere to go, so you just floated from place to place as needed.

You were laying low and a shell of the person you once were. You had no one to look towards anymore. Bucky went his separate ways and got some sort of footing in New York City with the pardon he was given by the government since his return to the states. You checked in every now and then with him, but you didn’t want to slow down his progress so you distanced yourself from him.

You know he feels some sort of responsibility towards you. Steve did too, and you suppose now that he’s gone, Bucky feels the need to take his place. It doesn’t matter that you’re no longer the naive 23 year old he met in Berlin all those years ago. It doesn’t matter that there was something lingering between the two of you before he turned to ash. You’re a grown woman now and war and politics has hardened your soul.

He needs to move on from you. The version he has of you in his head is gone, dead. He wants a fresh start, and you can’t give it to him.

Sam checks in with you once in a while. He asks you how you’re doing and you respond the same each time. “Same shit, different day,” you laughed lightly.

He knows better than to ask you to join him on his missions with the military. You’re not in the right headspace to return to the field, least of all if it meant that you were representing the US government wherever the fight was.

Now that John Walker has the shield and has been branded the new Captain America, it gives you all the more reason to stay away. If he had so much as just breathed in your direction, you’d kill him and rip the shield from his grasp and return it to Sam.

You ignored all emails and phone calls that had to do with John Walker. He wanted your blessing on live television, as if that meant anything. Yes, you were close with Steve, but you’re not an original Avenger. You just caught his eye during training one day and he took you under his wing. John Walker just wanted to create a bridge between the two of you since Sam and Bucky were obviously out of the question.

You were the first person Sam called when he told you he was giving up the shield. You didn’t ask why. You knew he had his reasons and you respected him to accept that whatever the reasons were, they were good enough.

So, when Sam called in the middle of the night, you picked up the phone without a second thought. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you sit up and fumble for the light on the nightstand beside you.

“Sam? You do realize it’s three in the morning, right?” you asked, yawning into your phone.

Sam curses in your ear and apologizes quietly. “Sorry. You would think with all this traveling, I’d remember time zones are a thing,” he laughed softly.

“What is it, Sam?”

“We’re in a bit of a tight spot. We could use your help.”

Your brows pinch together. “Who’s we, Sam?”

“Me and Barnes.”

Your heart jumps inside your throat. How the hell did Sam manage to rope Bucky into whatever he’s doing? The last you heard, Bucky wasn’t allowed to go on government missions until his therapist thought he made enough progress to do so. You know he’s nowhere near the progress he wants to be, so how is he with Sam?

“Jesus, Sam. You know he’s not in the right headspace to go on missions!” There’s a heavy pause between the two of you before you relent. “Where am I meeting you?”

“Latvia. I’ll fill you in when you get here.”

You hang up quickly and hurry out of bed. After so many years of getting up at odd hours for emergency missions and the like, you’re not surprised that Sam asked you to meet him in the middle of the night. You grab your duffle bag and stuff all your belongings back inside. You travel lightly, and now it definitely seemed to work out in your favor.

You’ve spent the last couple of weeks in a small town just outside of Helena, Montana. It’s nice and quiet and you’ve really taken the time to reflect on your life since things started going back to normal post-blip. The locals are nice and hospitable, and no one asks you about Steve, Tony, or what you thought of John Walker. You hope it had something to do with the fact that they didn’t know who you were. You certainly hoped that was the case. You’ve kept your head down and tried your best to blend in.

You go hiking quite frequently and take drives through the mountains. It’s nice and relaxing, a far cry from what you’re used to. You’ll definitely miss it, and you have second thoughts about meeting up with Sam, but you push them away. Steve abandoned you both, and you wouldn’t do that to him.

It takes you several hours to get to the closest international airport and by the time you arrive, the sun begins to rise in the distance. You hurry through the airport security and send Sam a quick update that you’re about to board your flight before you settle in your seat and fall back asleep.

....

You sleep through the entire flight. You blame it on your ability to sleep anywhere due to the number of missions you have under your belt. You’re wide awake when the plane lands and you’re quick to pull out your phone and send a message to Sam that you’ve made it safe and sound to Latvia.

Your legs are stiff and sore when you stand up for the first time when it’s time to leave. You pull your duffle bag from the overhead compartment and slowly make your way to the front. It takes you nearly an hour to get through customs and now you’re just anxiously waiting to see Sam.

When you see him waiting for you at the baggage claim area, you grin as your eyes meet. You hurry over to him and drop your duffle bag to the floor as he pulls you in for a hug. It’s warm and tight and it’s exactly what you need. Sam pulls away first and reaches for your bag, throwing an arm over your shoulder as you walk out of the airport to his car.

You stop walking when you notice two figures near a very fancy yellow car as you and Sam near them. Sam keeps walking and you take slow, tentative steps. You know one of the figures has to be Bucky, but Sam never mentioned a third person.

“Sam, I thought you said that it was just you and Bucky,” you said cautiously.

Sam stops in his tracks and lets out a nervous chuckle and scratches the back of his head. It makes your heart race and you swallow the lump in your throat as they begin to come into focus as they near the two of you. “Y/n, before you get angry, I just need you to know that this wasn’t my idea. Believe me when I tell you that he is the last person we would ask for help,” Sam replied as his eyes went from you to the two people approaching.

“Who is he?” you asked through gritted teeth.

“Ah! Y/n, good to know that your flight went rather smoothly. It is good to see you again.”

No. There’s no way. You must be dreaming. Hemlut Zemo is not standing right in front of you. He is in prison. He is behind bars for the crimes he committed. The two men that you're closest to wouldn’t jailbreak someone as atrocious as Zemo. There has to be an explanation. It doesn’t make sense.

“What the fuck is Zemo doing out of prison?!” you hissed, looking between Bucky and Sam, demanding an explanation.

“Y/n, honey, I can explain, just please get in the car,” Bucky pleaded, reaching out to touch your hand.

You glare at him and take a step back. “Are you out of your mind, Bucky? You break him out of jail because you need him, is that it? Do you remember what he did to you, because I certainly do!”

Bucky frowns and lets out a deep and heavy sigh. He looks over at Sam. “Did you fill her in at all?”

“No!” you shouted. “I can speak for myself, James! Someone better start talking and tell me what the hell is going on!”

“We don’t really have time for this right now,” Zemo interrupts, “we really must be going. I’m sure Sam and James can fill you in in the car.”

You glare at the Sokovian terrorist and snap at him. “Shut your mouth, Zemo.”

He raises his hands up in surrender and takes a step back. Bucky towers over you and this time you let him take your hand. He squeezes it gently and pulls you into his chest, hugging you tightly. You’re tense and fuming as he holds you.

His mouth finds the shell of your ear and despite the wave of anger flowing through your body, it sends a shiver down your spine. Bucky whispers, “I hate to say it, but Zemo’s right. We have to go. I’ll explain on the way, I promise.”

You huff childishly and turn your head away from him as he kisses your temple. “Fine. If he steps out of line, I’ll kill him.”

Bucky laughs and takes your hand and walks you to the car. “Get in line, honey. Sam and I have first dibs.”

You resist the urge to smile and Bucky opens the door for you as Sam tosses your bag in the trunk and climbs into the front seat. Bucky slides in beside you and he tells you everything.

He tells you about their first encounter with the Flag Smashers. He tells you about how the leader and a few of her followers have taken a newer version of the serum that runs through his veins. He tells you that she plans on giving the serum to more people to build an army and that you have to stop her.

It makes your heart stop. You hadn’t really been keeping tabs on the Flag Smashers. Now, looking back, you probably should have. There’s still a lot of unknown variables to account for and it looks like the boys are taking it one step at a time, and apparently it starts with a trip to Madripoor. Zemo chimes in every now and then as he drives and it makes your blood boil that you’re forced to listen to what he has to say. You hate that he has the upper hand and is keeping valuable information hostage. You want to strangle him.

After a while, Zemo pulls into a private airport. Bucky helps you out of the car and grabs your bag from the trunk as the four of you walk towards the jet just off the runway. You had no idea just how rich Zemo was. Now that he’s out of prison, for now at least, his arrogance returned back in full force in addition to his pompous attitude.

You board the plane in silence, ignoring every word coming out of the Baron’s mouth. You settle in the back of the plane and ignore Bucky’s stares as you look out the window. You’re too angry to engage in conversation. You don’t care that Zemo insults Steve’s legacy. He’s gone, dead, what do you care? Yes, you wanted Steve to be happy, but he abandoned you. He abandoned Sam and Bucky.

Zemo rambles on and on. “People like Steve become symbols, icons. Then we start to forget about their flaws. From there, cities fly, innocent people die. Movements are formed, wars are fought,” he turns to address Bucky directly. “You remember that, right? As a young soldier sent to Germany to stop a mad icon. Do we want to live in a world full of people like the Red Skull?”

Silence fills the space and for a moment, you feel a reprieve. That was until Zemo mentioned the Winter Soldier.

“We can’t go into Madripoor as ourselves. James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone.”

You immediately stand up and protest, storming to the front of the plane. “No. Absolutely not. I won’t let you use Bucky, not again. There has to be another way.”

Zemo clicks his tongue at you and shakes his head. A smug graces his features and you lung at him, wrapping your hands around his throat. “I’ll fucking kill you!”

Bucky leaps to his feet and tears you off of Zemo, dragging you to the back of the plane behind the curtains to give the two of you an illusion of privacy. Your shoulders shake with rage and Bucky’s hands caress your face.

“You can’t be him. He’s not you anymore. You don’t have to do this, Bucky. Please,” you begged, clinging to his hands. “I can’t let Zemo control you again.”

Bucky’s touched with how protective you are over him. He pulls you closer and hugs you tightly against him. Your fingers grip the back of his shirt and he presses a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

“Honey,” he whispered. “I have to. I have to do this so we can stop the Flag Smashers from getting the serum. It’s for the mission.”

You huffed against his chest. Now you’re really regretting your decision to help Sam. You would’ve said no if you had known that it meant watching Bucky turn into the Winter Soldier again, even if it wasn’t real.

You don’t know what to say. He won’t change his mind. Bucky’s just as stubborn as you are and he’ll do anything for the success of the mission, just like Steve did.

You pull away and return back to your seat, crossing your arms over your chest as you stare into the back of Zemo’s plush leather seat. Bucky trails behind you and squeezes your shoulder. You shrug off his touch as he takes the empty seat next to yours.

“And, I’m afraid that where we’re going doesn’t take too kindly to women who are…. how do I put this…. strong willed,” Zemo said.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Bucky barked, jumping to your defense just moments after you did the same for him.

“Selby will see Y/n as competition. We can’t have that happen. She’ll have to stay behind.”

“You’re out of your mind if you think I’m just going to just sit here and do nothing,” you snapped. “I’m coming with. I don’t care if I have to pretend to be meek.”

Zemo turns to look at you. He’s challenging you. You both know it. He’s pushing your buttons and it’s working. He smirks and leans against the armchair. His eyebrows raise and he asks, “Even if it means pretending to be a prostitute?”

Your gaze doesn’t falter and you ignore both Sam’s and Bucky’s protests. It falls on deaf ears. You don’t care, as long as you’re with Sam and Bucky and they’re safe. “Yes,” you answered without a second thought. You’ve done worse things than pretend to be a sex worker. It would be a piece of cake.

Zemo grins, letting out a soft laugh. “It looks like you’ll be joining us after all then, Y/n.”

You scoff at him and look out the window. Bucky drags you from your seat once more and pulls you behind the curtain. You look away from him and he reaches to squeeze your hand.

“You don’t have to do this. You have nothing to prove,” he whispered, brushing the top of your palm with his warm and calloused fingers.

“You don’t either,” you mumbled back.

He smiles softly at your retort and pulls you into his arms. He holds you gently and cards his fingers through your hair. You hum quietly as he holds you.

“Touché, honey.”

There’s a beat of silence between the two of you before you lean back to meet his gaze. His blue eyes pierce through yours and it makes your heart race. You pull away and rub your palms against your thighs.

You disappear behind the curtain once more, leaving Bucky behind.

…

When you arrive in Madripoor, you’re dressed in an outfit that leaves little to the imagination. The dress has a plunging neckline that settles just below your naval. Your chest is barely covered and your boobs threaten to slip over the fabric. You’re dressed for the part, that’s for sure.

Zemo is the first one to look at you when you return from behind the curtain. He whistles at you and it makes your skin crawl.

Bucky shoves Zemo harshly and grips his chest tightly, snarling in his face. “Watch your mouth,” Bucky hissed, shoving him into one of the chairs.

He turns to look at you and you reach to squeeze his hand. You pull him away from Zemo and whisper softly, “It’s alright, Buck. Take a deep breath.”

He grits his teeth and shakes his head, and does what you ask. “I’ll kill him. If he does that again, I’ll kill him.”

You laugh softly and press a gentle kiss to his cheek. “I don’t doubt you will, Buck.”

The two of you trail behind Sam and Zemo as you leave the plane. A sleek black car is waiting just off the runway and you follow behind to the vehicle. When you settle into your spot in between Buck and Sam in the back, Zemo turns to look at the three of you.

“It’s imperative that we don’t break character, no matter what. If you do, we’re good as dead, understand?”

You scoff and roll your eyes as he looks towards you. “Crystal,” you snapped, crossing your arms over your chest.

He turns to face the front of the vehicle and silence fills the car.

Suddenly, a number of motorcycles surround the car as you drive into Low Town. you make sure to keep your eyes forward and Bucky reaches for the hand on your knee. He squeezes it tightly and you do the same.

Reality is now just setting in for you. This is the first mission that you’ve been on since Steve went back to the 40s, and since Tony died. It had been three long months since Tony saved the world and brought everyone back that was taken five years earlier. You know that three months isn’t long, but it still makes you nervous. You haven’t been training to keep things from going rusty. You had no desire to.

Bucky leans into you, his mouth near the shell of your ear. “You okay?”

You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Yeah, just a bit nervous. I’m a little out of practice. This is my first mission since Steve left,” you mumbled back, squeezing his hand again to keep you grounded. He does the same in return.

“It’s alright. I have your back. I’ll protect you, promise.”

A small smile finds its way onto your face and you shake your head at him. “You know better than anyone else than to promise something like that before a mission, Buck. It’s bad luck,” you teased.

He laughs too and the car stops in what you guess is the downtown area of Low Town. You take a deep breath and Bucky does the same. You squeeze his hand one last time before his hand falls from your grasp. He opens the door and climbs out. You follow close behind and find your spot next to Sam. He gingerly wraps his arm around your waist as you walk into the Princess Bar.

Electronic music blasts through the speakers and the bass vibrates through your chest. You press against Sam as you push through people to get to the bar. The smell of drugs and alcohol is suffocating as you walk and ignore the stares sent your way. They’re not staring at you, but Bucky, who walks just a step behind you like a looming shadow.

“Ready to comply, Winter Soldier?” Zemo asked Bucky in Russian.

It makes your blood boil and Sam squeezes your waist tightly, a reminder that you must not break character. You hate it. You hate that Bucky has to pretend to be the person he’s worked so hard to distance himself from. Bucky is not him. The Winter Soldier doesn’t exist anymore. That part of him is gone, dead. You only hope that Bucky reminds himself that the Winter Soldier isn’t him anymore as he pretends just feet behind you.

You stand in front of the bar counter as the bartender approaches. You keep your mouth shut as Zemo exchanges words with the man, briefly bringing Sam, the Smiling Tiger, into the conversation. Your eyes find Bucky’s and your heart jumps inside your throat. His eyes are cold and void of any emotion. He’s stoic and brooding. He’s fallen into character perfectly and it scares you to think that all the progress he’s made over the years has been destroyed in this moment. For his sake, you hope not.

You tear your eyes away from Bucky at the feeling of Sam’s hand on the curve of your ass. You watch him carefully as he takes a shot. The bartender moves on and you let out a careful breath.

A man grasps at Zemo’s shoulder and sneers at him. He looks over at Bucky as Zemo asks to see Selby before he walks away. Another man approaches Zemo from behind and he speaks in Russian once more. “Winter Soldier, attack.”

You hold your breath in anticipation as the unsuspecting man rests his hand on Zemo’s shoulder. You want to reach out and touch Bucky, tell him that he doesn’t have to, that the two of you still have time to make a run for it, but you don’t. You can’t. Zemo would probably try and kill you if you interfere and it’s the last thing you need.

Bucky stalks over to him with two long strides, and rips the man’s hand from Zemo’s shoulder. He twists his wrist back and throws him to the ground. Another man swings at Bucky and he stops it with ease. He punches his back and kicks him against another crowny. As another man attempts to punch and kick at Bucky. He uses his metal arm and momentum to take each of them out.

“It doesn’t take much for him to fall back into form,” Zemo smirked, leaning over to look at you and Sam.

“Shut your mouth,” you hissed between your teeth as you watched Bucky.

Bucky grabs one of the men by the throat and slams him into the counter. Guns cock all around you as you look around the room. Your heart is inside your throat and there’s ringing in your ears. You reach to grab Bucky’s arm, but Sam beats you to it.

“Stay in character or the whole bar turns on us,” Zemo whispered. “Well done, soldier.”

Sam lets go of his arm and takes a step back, pulling you with him. He squeezes your hip tightly as you watch Bucky’s grip fall from the man’s throat.

“Selby will see you now,” the bartender said.

Zemo moves to follow him and you resist the urge to reach out and touch Bucky. Sam pulls you along and you walk in silence down a number of hallways. The music fades into the background and you’re squeezing Sam’s hand like your life depends on it.

A number of men on Selby’s security detail whistle as you walk by. You bite your tongue and resist the urge to snap their necks. The four of you wait at the door at the end of the hall for several seconds before it opens. You walk inside and Zemo takes you from Sam’s side. Your jaw ticks as he guides you to the empty sofa. His hand settles on your thigh and you tense under his touch.

Zemo and Selby negotiate for information. All you need to know is who created the serum and where they are. That’s it. Zemo needs to stick to the plan.

Zemo stands up from his spot next to you. “Tell us what you know about the super soldier serum, and I give you him…. along with the code words to control him,” Zemo stands behind Bucky, his hand resting on his shoulder. He’s silent and obedient, the perfect encapsulation of who he had been for the last 80 years.

There wasn’t a discussion over what the offer would be when you were on the plane from Latvia. You just assumed Zemo would figure a way out of it, he was clever enough to do it before. You hadn’t thought that he would actually use the Winter Soldier to his benefit outside of protection. How naive of you.

Bucky’s eyes are dark and he stares straight ahead as Zemo caresses his chin. He doesn’t flinch or react. He’s playing the Winter Soldier perfectly and you hate every second. You bite the inside of your cheek so hard that you start to taste blood.

“He will do anything you want.”

Selby grins, leaning back in her spot on the couch opposite of you. She tells him what you need to know. She nears Sam and then the worst happens, his phone begins to ring.

She tells him to answer it and your fingers squeeze into the leather couch. Your heart races and for the first time since you walked into the bar, Bucky’s eyes find yours. You know he can see your panic.

Things are fine momentarily. Sam’s trying his best to stay in character and you know it’s not working as well as he’d like. You hold your breath and your panic settles in at the mention of Sam’s name coming from Sarah.

“Kill them—”

Your eyes widen in horror as a bullet pierces through the glass window in front of you and lodges into Selby’s throat, killing her instantly. The act is over.

You leap to your feet and pull the tactical knife that you hid in your dress out from underneath you. You slice the knife across your attacker’s arm. Bucky kicks him into the wall and grabs you by the arm.

You run as fast as you can out the bar and through the streets of Madripoor. You dodge bullets and fight off others that attack you with knives.

You do well, all things considered with what you’re dressed in. You dig your heel into the boot of your attacker, throwing them off balance. You kick their leg out from underneath them and Sam knocks them unconscious.

Bucky, of course, is doing just fine on his own. You run over to help. You disarm the man closer to you and use the butt of the gun to knock him out.

You barely have time to register the man creeping up behind Bucky. His arm is outstretched with a gun in his hand. Bucky has no clue.

“Bucky!” you screamed at the top of your lungs, running as fast as you can towards him.

He turns to look at you as you use your whole body to shove him aside as the gun goes off.

Time stands still.

You fall to the ground in a daze as the bullet rips through your shoulder. Your eyes stare up into the night sky as it takes you a moment to realize that you’d just been shot.

You try to sit up and get back on your feet. You don’t have time to worry about your wound. You need to get the hell out of Low Town.

Bucky nearly drags you off the ground and you run. You run as fast as you can despite the bullet in your shoulder.

“We need to get out of here!” Bucky shouted, inspecting your wound.

A shadowy figure approaches and Bucky blocks you from view. The hood drops and you peer over Bucky’s shoulder. You don’t have time to be surprised that Sharon is the one standing in front of you.

“Sharon? What are you doing here?” Sam asked.

“We don’t have time for that!” Bucky snapped. “Sharon, please. You gotta help us. Y/n’s been shot.”

She nods and motions for you to follow her. She stops in front of a beautiful blue car and Bucky guides you into the car, pressing his metal hand against your shoulder to stop the bleeding. You ignore Sam and Bucky’s bickering as they yell at you for getting shot. You don’t have the energy to respond.

Sharon races across town and pulls up to a very fancy building. Sharon jumps out and opens the door for Bucky. His arm holds your torso and your uninjured arm is thrown over his shoulder as you walk inside. You gather into the elevator as it takes you to the top floor.

Your entire body goes numb and Bucky guides you to the kitchen counter. Sharon briefly disappears before returning with a heavy duty first aid kit.

“Do you have tequila?” you asked her as Bucky rummaged through the bag for the correct supplies. Sharon laughs softly before grabbing a bottle of tequila from her liquor cabinet. You take a generous sip and the liquid burns your throat.

Bucky inspects the bullet wound carefully. Thankfully it was a through and through. He doesn’t have to fish the bullet out. He works quickly and you grit your teeth as he stitches the wound close on both sides of your shoulder.

The pain lessened to a dull throb now that he’s finished. He cleans the excess blood off your skin before gently placing your arm in a sling.

“Why did you do that, Y/n?” Bucky chastised you, shaking his head in disappointment. “I could’ve taken care of him.”

You scoff and roll your eyes at him. “I don’t even get a thank you for saving your ass? You were vulnerable, I did the right thing.”

He sighs and you look away. Your eyes find Sharon’s. “Can I borrow some clothes?”

She nods and disappears down the hall to her bedroom. Silence fills the room and Sam takes his turn to reprimand you. You ignore him entirely and take another large swig of tequila.

Sharon returns moments later with a pair of clean clothes. You thank her quietly and she points you in the direction of one of the guest bedrooms. You hop off the counter and ignore Bucky’s protests and calls of your name.

You huffed in frustration as you limped towards one of Sharon’s guest bedrooms. You had enough of Sam and Bucky yelling at you for your recklessness, especially Bucky. You’re exhausted and all you want to do is sleep.

You did what you thought was right. You did what Steve would’ve done. You had Bucky’s back. Isn’t that what mattered? Sure, you got shot in the shoulder, but it isn’t something you haven’t done before. You have the scars to prove it.

“Stop running away from me! We’re not done talking about this!” Bucky yelled after you, hot on your heels into the bedroom. “What were you thinking?”

You’re sick of Bucky questioning you. You’re not a child and you’re not the bright eyed recruit he thinks you still are. You did what was right in the heat of the moment. You don’t regret it. You’d do it all over again if it meant that he was safe.

“Stop treating me like a child, James! I’m not Steve’s recruit anymore! I’m a grown woman,” you shouted back at him. Your shoulders shake and you glare at him. “I know you still think I’m that naive 25 year old, but that’s not me anymore. The last five years may have been five seconds to you, but they weren’t to me. Accept the fact that I did what I thought was right.”

“It was reckless!”

“Steve would’ve done it!” you bit back.

“This isn’t about Steve!” he argued.

You laugh bitterly and shake your head. He doesn’t see it. He doesn’t see what you see. You know he sees you as his responsibility now that Steve’s gone. He feels an obligation to look after you because Steve did. You have a part of Steve with you. Bucky’s clinging to any last remains of Steve, and that includes you.

“Isn’t it though? You feel like you have a responsibility to protect me, to look after me. Why? It’s because Steve did and now that he’s gone, you feel like you have to replace him!”

The silence that fills the room suffocates you. Your heart races with anger. You want Bucky to leave you alone. You didn’t ask for this. Sam needed your help, and when you provided it, you got yelled at for it. Now you just want to go home.

You turn your back to Bucky and pull the pants that Sharon gave you up your legs before discarding the dress in the corner of the room. You don’t care if Bucky sees all the scars that litter your backside. Maybe then he would understand that you’ve always done what’s best for the mission, even if that meant getting hurt. You throw the sweatshirt over your head and turn to look at Bucky again.

“Do you have anything else to say to me? Are you going to try and deny it?”

Bucky sighs, running a hand through his hair. “You’re one of the only people I have left that have a connection to Steve.”

Another bitter laugh escapes your mouth. He doesn’t understand. “He abandoned me, James! He abandoned us. Steve’s gone. You can’t hold on to him anymore. You don’t have to do anything Steve did. You have nothing to prove to me, I promise. I don’t need you to replace Steve. I need you, Buck. You’re the one that’s here with me, not Steve.”

Tears threaten to spill over your cheeks and you look away from him. The silence is deafening and Bucky moves to take you in his arms. He holds you against his chest and cards his fingers through your hair. You cry against his chest and cling to his henley. He gently guides you to the bed and sits down with you in his lap.

“I’m sorry, honey,” he whispered, rubbing your back. “You’re right. It just scared me. I don’t think I can handle losing you too. I’m sorry.”

You pull away to look at him with your tear stained cheeks and he carefully wipes away your tears with the pad of his thumb. You blink away the remaining tears and lean into his touch. “It’s okay, Buck. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

You rest your forehead against his and breathe him in. His metal hand rubs circles against your back and it sends shivers down your spine. He holds you carefully and no words are exchanged. Your eyes flicker to his lips and your heart thunders against your chest.

There’s a soft knock at the door and you pull your body off of Bucky’s. You sit beside him as Sam pokes his head inside the room. “Is everything okay?” he asked, looking between the two of you.

You look over at Bucky and then back to Sam. You smile and nod slowly. “Everything’s perfect, Sam.”

#bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes imagine #Bucky Barnes imagines #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #Bucky imagines #tfatws #tfatws x reader #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #Sebastian stan imagines #sebastian x reader #sebastian imagine #my writing

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straightupsickfics · 2 years

Note

Omg please sniffles, colds & long drive for sick Bucky + sambucky pairing?? 🥹

ahhh this is so cute for them. i haven't written sambucky in forever so i'm a little rusty, i hope this is okay! <3

****

Bucky isn’t sure when he’d fallen asleep, only that he must have at some point, because the next thing he knows he’s being jolted awake by the sound of the car door opening and closing. The car fills momentarily with brisk, autumn air before the heat of the car takes over again, though it's enough that Bucky can’t help but shiver into his coat.

Everything has that muzzy, bleary feeling that comes with napping anywhere that isn’t your own bed, and when he looks over, he finds Sam setting two steaming to-go cups of coffee into the cup holders between them.

“He’s alive,” Sam says with a soft laugh. He leans over and presses a hand to Bucky’s cheek, still warm from the coffee cups, but so soft and familiar to the touch that Bucky can’t help but turn and nuzzle his face into Sam’s palm.

“M’alive,” Bucky repeats. “Should’ve woken mbe up, I would’ve gone in with you,” he says.

Sam lifts an eyebrow. “What, and infect every innocent person at this roadside rest stop with your cold?”

Bucky wants to argue, but instead he proves Sam’s point, because his sinuses choose just then to spark back to life, spurred on by the change in temperature or his upright position or both.

“Hh’htIIshh! Hpt’ISH! Uh’hrrusuhh! sNF!” The sneezes feels like they shiver right out of him, and Bucky curls into himself with the force of them, pulling his coat tight around him.

“God bless you,” Sam says. He leans into the back, plucks a box of tissues off of the back seat and drops them into Bucky’s lap. “Thought these would come in handy. Luckily, I’m always right.” Sam’s voice is teasing but his smile is warm and fond and Bucky rolls his eyes as he buries his nose into a handful of tissues.

“There’s tea there for you, too,” Sam nods at the cup closest to Bucky. “But I’ll give you a sip of my coffee if you’re good.”

“M’always good for you, Sammy,” Bucky says, turning to look at Sam. His gray sweater fits him perfectly, soft and snug looking enough that Bucky wishes they were home already so that he can bury his face in it, in Sam and the warmth of him.

“Oh, he must be sick if he’s not arguing with me,” Sam says, laying a hand on Bucky’s knee. “You look beat. You can go back to sleep for the rest of the way home. Should only be another two hours.”

“Should’ve just taken the jet, we’d be home by snf! now,” Bucky sighs.

“And watch Stark sit in Steve’s lap the entire time? I don’t think so. Plus, the altitude wouldn’t have done you any good, sniffles.”

It hits Bucky all over again how thoughtful Sam is, always looking out for everyone else, thinking five steps ahead without saying a word until after the fact. Bucky takes a sip of his tea and winces, his throat more sore now than it had been when they got in the car, the steam makes his nose run even more than ever.

“Snf! Ugh, I think I’mb… hh! H'eiishhEW! Hhd’dssSCHHhuh! hh! hUH-ussch! Snf! SNF! God, sorry, I’mb…”

“Definitely sick,” Sam finishes for him. He squeezes Bucky’s knee sympathetically before reaching over and cranking the heat. “Bless you, by the way. Three times?”

“Snf! I’ve lost count at this point,” Bucky huffs. “At this rate you’ll be sick by the time we snf! Even get home.”

“That's alright, I know a real nice guy who’ll take good care of me,” Sam says. They’re pulling back out onto the highway now, the soft hum of the car and the warmth of heat warming Bucky all the way through.

“You know I will,” Bucky agrees, then yawns hugely, only half-smothering it into his wrist.

Sam laughs. “Good. Now, please get some rest. I’ll wake you up when we get home.”

Bucky can’t argue, too stuffed up and tired to do much more than nod and let his hand rest over Sam’s on his knee until he falls asleep.

#buckysnose #my fic #sam//bucky

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huntergatherercreator · 3 years

Note

Could you do a mob Tom Holland reacting to the reader where the reader is over working herself lately and forgets to sleep, eat and stay hydrated properly and that sort of stuff. So, when they're busy stalking her they see that she left her front door open and she's literally collapsed on the floor out of exhaustion and started to sleep there? Fun fact: That might end up being me by tomorrow or after 2 days approx.

Hey lovey, thank you so much for the request! I know it's taken me a couple of days to get around to writing this so hopefully you've had a lovely rest and some downtime to reset after being so busy. I do feel slightly called out by this request if I'm honest because, same. Just remember to be nice to yourself, your body can handle a lot but it needs a little looking after too. Drink your water, have lots of yummy snacks, and most importantly have a nice long sleep!

I hope this is close to what you were after.

Stay safe and take care 💜💜

-------

1,339 words

You struggled to keep your eyes open as you stumbled to your door. It was well past nine, you’d only meant to stay an extra hour at work but, like it had for the past three days, the time had got away from you. Every time you’d made to leave there was another issue, another customer, another delivery. Before you’d even realised it you’d worked almost double your shifted hours each day and you be lying if you said you weren’t feeling it now. Your phone buzzed in your pocket as you fought with the lock. Stepping into the hallway you gratefully dropped your bag and fished it out.

‘Why are you only getting home now’ the message read. Then a second later ‘Have you eaten yet?’

Shoulders slumping you pushed the door closed and flicked on the light. You didn’t know how to respond to him. He didn’t normally message to check up on you like that but you didn’t blame him for worrying, or resorting to spying on you. You’d barely had the energy to write back more than one word answers to him, and that was if you got five minutes alone to actually check your phone. As you re-read his words your stomach churned with hunger. You hadn’t eaten yet. After a second you realised you couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a drink of anything either. Scrubbing a hand over your face you sat heavily on the bottom step. The intention of kicking off your shoes evaporated as your legs stretched out in front of you and relief flowed through them. Resting your shoulder against the wall you stared past your phone, eyes zoning out as you tried to think of what to say to him. You just needed a second to think. Smothering a yawn your eyes fluttered closed. Just a small second and then you’d let him know you were OK...

***

Tom stared at his phone. It had been twenty minutes since he’d text you. It wasn’t like you to not respond, or to be getting home this late constantly. You’d waved him off with reassurances that you were just busy with work but something about the situation wasn’t sitting right with him. Dialling your phone it rang out and disconnected, unanswered. He knew he shouldn’t doubt you. You were too good a person to lie to him, let alone go behind his back and hide something, but the evasive way you’d been acting had him unsettled.

Standing he grabbed his suit jacket from the back of his chair and shrugged it on. The man speaking faltered and cleared his throat. Tom levelled him a look, daring him to question his actions. If he wanted to walk out of a business meeting he damn well would. Buttoning his jacket he pointedly made eye contact with the other twelve men at the table. When no-one spoke he clapped a hand on his brothers shoulder and stalked from the room.

His chauffeur drove him to your house as fast as the traffic would allow. He called you again. Twice. Three times. Growling a profanity he pulled up the tracker app he’d installed on your phone and checked the location again. It still said you were at home. A chill crept in as an errant thought slid into his mind. What if you weren’t alone? Shaking it off, he shoved the phone into his pocket and impatiently waited as the car turned into your street. He had the door open before the car had properly slowed.

Shoving the gate open he hesitated as he took in the dark windows. The only light was in the hallway. Reaching into his jacket his fingers brushed against the cool metal of his gun as unease swirled in his gut.

Trying the door his breath caught as he realised it was unlocked. Hand tightening on his weapon he gently nudged it open until he caught sight of you stretched out on the stairs. For a second his heart constricted, stomach plummeting as he took in how still you were. Then you huffed a sleepy breath and shifted to get more comfortable.

Dragging a hand through his curls he let out a long breath before laughing softly. He was an idiot. The shock of thinking you were unconscious, or worse, felt like a kick from karma for ever doubting you. Watching you so deeply asleep, still wrapped in your jacket, he knew he’d made a mistake by not checking up on you sooner.

Shutting the door quietly he flipped the lock. Kneeling down he slipped off your shoes, tucking them neatly on the rack before winding his arms around you. Lifting you easily he cradled you close as he carried you up the stairs to your bedroom. Toeing the door open he left the light off and wound his way to your side of the bed. As he lay you on top of the duvet you jolted, suddenly wide awake.

***

A startled yelp left you as a dark figure loomed over the bed. Hands flying up to ward them off you caught them hard in the gut. A whoosh of air left them along with a groan.

“Y/N, it’s me.” Tom’s voice broke through the sleep fog still clinging to you.

“Are you OK?” Pushing yourself up your hands fluttered around him, not sure where was safe to touch him. His fingers caught yours, thumbs smoothing over your knuckles.

“I should be asking you that.” The bed shifted as he settled on the edge. In the darkness you could barely see him but you could feel his gaze boring into you.

“I’m fine,” you mumbled biting back a yawn.

“You passed out in the hallway,” he admonished. “You’ve clearly not been taking care of yourself.”

Fingers going limp in his hold you dropped your head guiltily. He wasn’t wrong. You had pushed yourself too far this time.

The bedside lamp flared to life, searing your eyes for a second until they adjusted. When you found the courage to look up he was watching you with pensive stare. You knew what he must be thinking. You were a mess. A huge contrast to him in every way. Where your hair was a mess from rushing about all day, his was perfectly dishevelled. Your clothes were rumpled from being hastily thrown on this morning and his suit was crisp and sharp even after a full day of work.

“I guess I’m just going to have to take care of you.” He said it with a straight face but you flushed at the double meaning.

“You don’t have to do that, Tom. I’m sure you’ve got more important things to do tonight.”

“None more important than you.” His lips quirked when you stared dumbly at him. Shrugging out of his coat he dropped it at the end of the bed and undid his cufflinks.

“Are you hungry, baby?” Your throat dried up as you watched him roll up his sleeves. When you didn’t answer he raised an eyebrow, hands going to his hips.

“I asked you a question.”

“Yes,” you whispered.

“Good.” He crossed to your dresser and pulled out your favourite pyjamas. “Put these on, and get under the covers.” Taking the empty glass from your bedside table he disappeared for a minute before returning with it filled to the brim with water.

“I want this gone by the time I get back,” he ordered.

“Where are you going?” you asked, suddenly worried.

Cupping your face he kissed your forehead. “Relax. I’m going to make you something to eat.”

Slumping back against the cushions you smiled up at him.

“I can’t wait to see that,” you teased. He’d never personally made you anything before. Everything usually came straight from his personal chef, or a nearby restaurant.

“If you don’t get changed and drink your water you won’t get anything,” he warned.

Your stomach growled loudly in protest.

“Don’t worry, I’m going to take good care of you,” he promised.

-------

Taglist: @rosie-posie08 @woahmrstark

#mob!tom holland #mob!tom #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland

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watermelonlovershigh · 3 years

Text

A Day of Breastfeeding

Thank you to this ask for the request of this one shot prompt

Things to help you read this easier:

(Married for 3 years/Any solo Harry era)

(I pray that this photo doesn't get my account in trouble again. It's an innocent photo with no real nudity shown.)

Today has been a busy day with you and your four month old daughter. She woke you up at the early hour of 5:00 am and you've been up ever since.

When she woke up at five, you crawled out of the warm bed you and Harry were sleeping in to go into her nursery. Her reason for awakening was hunger. Instead of feeding her in the nursery like you do most mornings, you carried her back into yours and Harrys bedroom so you could feed her in the comfort of your bed. You climbed back in bed with a hungry baby and laid her on your newly exposed chest. She latched instantly and you may or may not have dozed back off again due to exhaustion.

At 5:30 am Harrys alarm goes off, letting him know he needs to wake up to go to the studio for a few hours and record new music. He reached for his phone, shutting the alarm off, and turned around to glance at his beautiful wife. Beautiful wife who some how stayed asleep through the sounds of his alarm. What he wasn't expecting to see was his equally beautiful baby girl laying on top of your naked chest with your nipple exposed to the cold air of the room. Presumably due to your daughter having finished eating and your nipple falling out of her relaxed mouth. Harry sleepily smiled to himself. How did he get so lucky he thinks internally.

Harry knew he needed to get ready to be at the studio but he just couldn't help himself. He got up and quietly walked around the bed to pick up your sleeping daughter from your chest. Your eyes shot open at the loss of contact with her but Harry was quick to whisper, "Shhh my love. I'm just going to take her to her nursery and let you get some comfortable sleep. Then I'm leaving for the studio. If you need me, call me. I'll come right home. Love you." He bent down to place a kiss your lips and you give him a thankful smile. Right before he let the room, he covered your exposed chest with the blanket so you don't get cold.

Harry decided to burp your daughter on the walk to her nursery knowing she hadn't burped yet. She let out a soft little burp from her tiny mouth on her daddy's shoulder and Harry kissed her soft head in appreciation. He noticed her diaper was dirtied, so being the father he is, Harry changed her poopy diaper and cradled her back to sleep. He placed her back in her crib and gave her one more good bye kiss on his way out. Then Harry got dressed and left for the studio.

Your daughter let you sleep until 7:00 am when she got hungry again. You got up to feed her and decided to just stay awake and start your day. After you fed your daughter and changed her soiled diaper, you went down the stairs to make you something to eat. While you ate your yogurt and berries, the four month old played in her playpen. Then you put her down for a midmorning nap so you could clean up a bit. Around 11:00 am, you breastfeed her again while you watched a bit of tv. She fell asleep shortly after and you called Harry to let him know you were doing fine and talked about dinner options.

Through-out the rest of your day, you pretty much alternated between breastfeeding your daughter, changing dirty diapers, putting her down for naps, and did house chores: dishes, vacuuming, laundry, and dusting. Around 5:00 pm, you felt super disgusting from all the sweating you did today. The only problem was you were home alone with your daughter and there was no one to watch her while you showered or bathed. Usually you'd wait until Harry came home but the sound of a relaxing bath sounded heavenly to your ears. So the only reasonable fix to your problem was to bring her in the tub with you.

Harry and yourself have allowed her to get in the tub with either of you before. Sometimes Harry will be taking a relaxing bath and you'll kill two birds with one stone and have your daughter get a bath with him. Being only four months old, its still expectable for her to bath with her daddy. Or sometimes while you're taking a bath and Harry is watching her, she starts to scream and cry, needing or wanting you, so Harry has no other choice other than to bring her in the bathroom and allow you to comfort her to your warm, wet body.

Now in current time, you're in the bathtub with your naked daughter laying on your bare chest, just relaxing and cooing gentle words into her ears. It feels super nice to have all this skin to skin contact with her, but you're just praying she doesn't pee or poop in the tub. Maybe you should have kept her diaper on.

At first she was calm and relaxed, just staring off into the distance, but now she is grabbing at your boob wanting to be fed again. You reach down and position your nipple to her mouth and she laches on quickly. Your nipples are painfully sore from all the feedings you give her through-out the day, everyday. Harry has told you that you should start pumping and give your nipples a break but you can't seem to do that. Even though its quite painful each time she sucks, it's one of the best feeling to have a baby feed from you directly. That may not make much since to just anyone but you're sure other mums will understand.

While off in your own little world, you don't hear Harry come in the house. He finished for the day at the studio and came home to be with his loving family. First he questions where you two are. He walked in the kitchen to find it empty. Then he walks up the stairs and to the nursery to find it empty. Lastly he walks into your shared bedroom and it's empty as well. He starts to get worried until he hears a soft voice coming from the bathroom in your bedroom. He carries his sock covered feet to the bathroom door and gently pulls it open to see a pretty sight. You breastfeeding your daughter.

"Now we're feeding in the tub, are we?" Harry softly speaks with a content smile. He startles you at first but then you force yourself to relax so you don't disturb your baby.

"I needed a bath and had no one to watch her. Then she got hungry for the millionth time today. I actually think my nipples are going to fall off." you reply back and though you sound like you are joking, Harry could hear pain in your voice when you talked about your nipples falling off. He hates you're in pain.

"I'm sorry my love." he sincerely speaks while kneeling beside the tub to run a gentle hand over the babies back. He has always been infatuated with watching her feed from you. Not in a inappropriate way because they are the same boobs he loves to see jiggle when having sex but in a way where he's in total awe.

Seconds later your daughter spits out your nipple, so you ask Harry, "Could you maybe burp her and get her dressed for bed please, so I can properly wash myself."

Harry responds immediately with, "Of course darling. Anything for you." He bends forward to peck your lips and stands to grab a towel to wrap her small body in. He returns with a towel dedicated just for babies. It's made with thin, soft material so it won't be too rough on their skin. Then with the towel over his shoulder, he bends down to pick up her wet, naked body and lays her directly on his towel covered shoulder. She whines from the cold air but he shushes her. "Shhh my little love. It's alright." he whispers to her while wrapping the towel around her frame and begins to pat her back so she can burp. Before he steps out of the bathroom, he turns to you and says, "I'll be in her nursery. Yell out if you need me for anything."

"Okay." you comment back. As you began to wash your hair and body, all you can think about is how great of a husband and father Harry is. He never puts up fights when it comes to taking care of his daughter. It doesn't matter if it's 3:00 in the morning or while he's working. He'll always come to her aid or your aid for that matter.

Harry successfully burps her and lays her down on her changing table in the nursery. Before any accidents occur, he puts a clean diaper on her bum and finds some clean pjs to keep her body warm. "Alright. All done sweetheart." he tells his baby with a kiss on the cheek. Harry carries her with him to the kitchen, her face burred in his neck. She's awake but the warm bath and feeding did make her sleepy.

In the kitchen, Harry tries to decide what is best for dinner. He decides on a veggie pizza to pop in the oven, knowing you should agree with that choice. Right as the pizza goes into the pre heated oven, you come walking down the stairs in a loose fitting shirt and pajama shorts. "Feeling better?" Harry questions you with a dimply smile while soothingly rubbing your daughters back.

"Much. Thank you for getting her ready for bed." you tell your husband.

"You don't need to thank me. It's my job as much as it is yours. She 'our' baby." he responds.

You take your daughter from his hold and walk into the living room to feed her one last time before you put her to sleep. Harry takes the cooked pizza out the oven and plates you and him a slice. Then he makes his way to the living room, deciding you both can eat in there tonight so you're more comfortable. You eat and breastfeed at the same time, doing mummy multitasking. When Harry finishes eating, he takes your now sleeping baby girl from your hold and carries her to the nursery. Like every time before he leaves her room, he makes sure to lay a soft kiss on her head. Once all that is done, he comes back to you in the living room.

"Please use the pump for tonight. Your boobs need to rest and also that way I can get up to feed her through-out the night and let you get some proper sleep." Harry says to you as you're cuddle each other on the couch.

"But I'm scared if she uses a bottle that she won't want me again. She may realize the bottle is better than my nipples." you mumble in his neck.

"That's silly. Of course she'll want your breast again. You're her mother. She very much enjoys the bonding time with you when you breastfeed her but she's getting to the age to where she needs to have other options. In a month, she'll be able to try baby food. She'll still need your milk but just introducing solids to her diet." Harry calmly speaks while rubbing over your back in a calmly manner.

After a lot of convincing on Harrys part, you decided to try and pump for the first time. So you both stand from the couch and head to your bedroom. Harry grabs the milk pumper from your closet and you get comfortable on the bed. You take your shirt off and pull the covers to your waist. Then he brings the machine over to you and sets everything up. He helps you attach the pieces to each of your nipples, being very gentle knowing how painful they are. Once they are suctioned properly, he turns the machine on and asks, "Are you alright by yourself if I go take a shower? I promise I won't be long." You nod your head and Harry grabs a pair of clean boxers, than makes his way to the bathroom and began his showering.

When Harry returns from his quick shower, the two bottles that collect your milk are near about full. He helps you remove the suction cups and disconnects the bottles from the pump to place them in the fridge for later tonight. As he returns, he see's you standing in front of the huge mirror in your bathroom, just staring at your boobs. Specifically your nipples. Your nipples even look painful he thinks to himself. He walks up behind you, resting his chin on your shoulder and caresses your ribcage with his fingers, looking straight ahead at your body in the mirror. "Go lay in bed and I'll put some cream on them." he whispers in your ear.

You follow his instructions and exit the bathroom to get in bed. Harry grabs some cream and returns to you. "I'll be gentle." he says in his tired voice, straddling your lap. He dips his ring less fingers in the soothing cream and bends down. Cradling the sides of your boobs with one hand, he uses his other to rub the nipple itself. His movements are slow and if it was under other circumstances, you swear you would have just gotten turned on by his actions. He looks to be in extreme concentration and you can't help but feel happy. For the second time today, you realize how great Harry is to you and your baby.

Once Harry has covered both your nipples in the cream, he helps you put a bra on that has leaking pads in them, to prevent the ointment from making a mess on the beds covers. Then he goes to wash his hands and comes back to crawl into bed and snuggle with you. "Love you y/n." Harry whispers quietly.

"I love you too babe. And I know you said not to thank you earlier, but thank you. I'm grateful to have you in my life." you blindly reach up to kiss his lips and then shove your face into his neck, smelling the manly scent of his body wash.

Through-out that night, anytime your four mouth old daughter woke up needing a feeding, Harry got up and warmed a bottle from the fridge and sat in the rocker located in the corner of her nursery each time. She would curl up on his tattooed chest, sleepily drink the bottle, and he would rock back and forth, lightly singing to her in a sleep ridden voice. Then he burped her after each feeding and put her back to sleep comfortably in her crib. That night, you got the most uninterrupted sleep you've gotten since before she was born and its all thanks to your wonderful husband and baby daddy, Harry.

MASTERLIST & My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST

#fluff #fluffy #oneshot #harrystyles #dad!harry #dadharry #dadrry #married #husbandandwife #wife #hisband!harry #breastfeeding #baby #cute #comfort #parents

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harveywritings92 · 3 years

Text

BNHA Scenario: You fall asleep in their room.

Hawks: You've known Keigo since he first started out as a hero and were living with after a villain attack left your apartment destroyed, which both awesome and devastating to you, awesome you get to see your best friend and crush on his off time! but devastating because he doesn't know you like him... and it hurts knowing that while you're here on the penthouse balcony eating take-out drinking canned wine, looking down at the streets below... Hawks is out on some fancy date with some fangirl, who he's never gonna call again!

A sigh left your mouth as you pulled away from the railing nearly stumbling backwards a bit! luckily the feather Hawks left in the penthouse (or as Kei lovingly called it the nest.) caught you and gently pushed you back on your feet and just kind of hovered close in case you fell over,

(Meanwhile... Keigo flinched feeling his feather impact with something, worried he to excuse himself from his date and call you! and got nervous when you didn't answer.)

Deciding to call it a night you tossed your can in the recycling bin and went to bathroom, not seeing your phone light up when Hawks called... afterwards you managed to stumble into your room and pass out on your "bed" not noticing the fact that that your full size mattress was suddenly a king size and your blankets and sheets weren't the normal purple flannel ones you usually snuggled into.

Keigo got home 15 minutes later...

"Y/n?...I'm back!" He called out looking around the living room trying to see if you were awake, no answers he locked the door and put his keys on the counter when he noticed, the empty cans on it he check the labels and realized they were wine and hard water... he let out a small whistle reading the labels some of these were hard core 17% alcohol!... *She didn't drink these by herself did she?* he went over toward the guest room but saw the door close and assumed you were sleeping...

Keigo then went to his room and got ready for bed, and froze when he sensed he wasn't alone, he looked over at his bed as saw a person laying there, the blond tensed up and kept his feathers train on them as he approached he lifted the blanket and... Keigo's feathers dropped when he saw you laying fast asleep in his bed... His mind kind of stalled to a screeching halt as he stared at you there curled up and vulnerable...

He should've woken you up... should've told you to go back to your room, but instead the avian man just finished getting ready for bed and settled down next you taking your serene features and playing with your [hl/hc] hair as one of his wings covered you protectively before drifting off to sleep.

The it was the crack of dawn you woke up with a bad hangover and confused your bed felt and smelled different... almost like, a large red wing lazily jutted over your body and rested next to your head, Your eyes widened hangover momentarily forgotten as you got a good look around and realized you weren't in your room! you felt an arm thrown over you waist turned to see Keigo sleeping, you swallowed and tried to slip away, while trying to think how your going apologize for this! only for the blond to hold on tighter and pulled you back towards him, you looked back and saw his gold eyes glaring at her half lidded with a clear message. "Go back to sleep." you blinked before laying back down and relaxed in Keigo's arms going back to sleep.

===============================

Dabi: You stupidly trusted Toga who was fooling around with her quirk and was disguised as a dude said she'd take you back to your room after you over did it at the bar, you were pretty plastered Kurogiri cut you off and told you to go to bed! Toga offered to help you out, cos Dabi your supposed partner was too busy flirting with some random chick; who had wandered in with her entourage, not uncommon as the league needed the money so occasionally, they'll open the bar to civilians though most of them were drugged by the end of the night and dropped at random spots so that can't tell people where they were. (but anywho)

Toga had said she'd take you back to your room and in your drunken haze, you foolishly trusted her as she led you way from the bar. and far away from a certain cremator, who didn't take your absence lightly... Toga's quirk had worn off by the time she dropped you off in Dabi's room and happily went back to her room, curious about how this was gonna play out tomorrow! Dabi was pissed when he approached your room he went to knock on your door, but paused. You weren't his girl... he can't tell you what to do nor who to screw! So then why hell did it feel like he was being cheated on? He growled and went to his room, where he was in for a shock when he found you passed in his bed!...

Dabi was so confused if you were here? then who th-..." Toga..." he hissed tired and annoyed the raven haired man walked over to his bed and glared down at you with mild interest, "I don't know what the hell you're doing to me N/n..." he huffed thinking back to the bar the rage he felt seeing what he thought was some fugly guy was dragging you off to bed with him. "I turned down... A blonde, bisexual, bridesmaid for you, that's like the unicorn of bar girls!" he mused playing with your bangs as he laid down next to you. "I've been doing that a lot lately..." he hummed voice getting huskier as sleep over took him...while holding onto you.

================================

Shigaraki: You been awake for three days straight, doing random missions for the league and were very disoriented you hadn't even realized you wandered into Shigaraki's room and settled down next to the gaming dust master, luckily your quirk cancels his out, So you weren’t a dust pile when he rolled over in his sleep and instinctively wrapped his arms around whatever was making him feel warm.

Two hours later

The last thing Tomura was expected when he woke up from his nap was him spooning a girl! He jolt out of bed shocked and looked around confused, what the hell were you doing in his room? why did you... his eyes widened when he realized it you weren't dead…how come you weren't a pile of dust?! he looked at his hand then back at you and brought a shaky hand to you cheek gently put all five fingers to you warm flesh.. nothing happened! He can touch you...

Shigaraki let a choked gasp as he laid back down next you to taking in your features, he's noticed you lot as you're always kind of pretty for an NPC and you liked videogames too! but other then that he was too shy to try and interact with you... other telling you where to go and what to do, least now he had reason to start talking to you more.

He then noticed the bags under your eyes and how sickly you looked... Shigaraki's eyes narrowed as he wondered why that was? he got his answer when he heard two male voices talking down the hall. "Dammit Kurogiri put me on night patrol again!" one huffed as the other male snorted. "So what? just get Y/n to do it.. she's easy to screw over, just tell her you were given her job by mistake." the first asked is that worked, the second one confirmed it.

Tomura was getting angrier as they continued making fun of you! he got up careful not to wake you and opened the door and closed it, "Oh, hey boss!...what are you Ack!!!" there was struggle for a few seconds then Tomura's muffled talking and muffled. "Yes sir, I'm sorry sir!", then Shigaraki walked back in his room, leaving Guy 1 staring at the pile dust that used to be Guy 2. Shigaraki laid back down next you holding you hand.

================================

Bakugou: You went to bathroom and accidently wandered into his dorm and he hadn't even noticed you slip into bed next to him, until he woke up at around 3 am and felt arms around his waist, Katsuki was ready to blow a gasket. "WHO TH-" he choked up and blushed when he saw it was you...his crush, how the... what the hell are you doing in his bed?! how did you even get into his room?! His red eyes fixated on his door and saw it wasn't locked.

He must've forgot to lock it after he told Shitty-hair and Dunce-face to get lost! Well, it was too late now. you were here, and he wasn't gonna let you get in trouble over a mistake! and besides he kind of enjoying feeling you holding onto him like this... it was warm and kind of felt nice Katsuki felt himself relax and drifted of back to sleep.

Needless to say Aizawa was not a happy teacher when he found you sleeping in Bakugou's bed both teens didn't know what was coming as Aizawa slowly raised the bucket full of ice water over his head and... Outside birds flew away the sound of screaming and the deafening explosion that followed.

#bnha fanfiction #boku no hero academia #bnha scenarios #bnha imagines #hawks x reader #keigo takami #dabi x reader #touya todoroki #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki tomura #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #Female reader

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chil2de · 3 years

Note

Your sharing a bed with the JJK men hc's were incredible 😩 special mentions for Megumi's bed head, Nanami being a secret cuddle bug, and Yuuta having to drink both iced coffees (that fucking sent me fjdndnfd I could picture it so clearly).

You're super talented so could I, er, possible get a NSFW version? 👀 💳💥💥💥💳💳💥💳💥

Thank you so much 🥺💕

hello anonie!!! thank you dear i’m so glad you liked them!! please the credit card emojis had me cackling LMFAOOOO you really made my whole day out here!!!(THE ICED COFFEE WAS MY FAVOURITE PART TOO)

well i managed to hit the max amount of characters allowed in a tumblr post with five characters alone so i’m going to have to split this up into several posts. it just kinda happened ig

characters in this post: itadori yuuji, gojo satoru, okkotsu yuuta, fushiguro toji (megumi was supposed to be here but i had to reserve him for next post😔)

this work is nsfw. if you’re new here, please read my disclaimer before proceeding. thank you and enjoy!

based off of this post

itadori

- itadori would prob be a ‘deer in the headlights’ if you woke him up in the middle of the night

- but after that? shit, he’s so nice to you. so kind and generous for his baby girl. whether he’s fucking you ‘cause he thinks you might be able to sleep after an orgasm or there’s just an incessant desire for him- doesn’t really matter all that much to itadori. he loves you either way :)

- gets horny so easily LMFAO

- would 100% dick you down if you asked him to and i like to think that he still keeps his really sweet personality during sex cause aaaa he would be so soft and reassuring

- hardcore dom yuuji sounds sexy as all hell but let’s be real… this man won’t kill a fly and apologises for stepping on ants. only exception being angry sex but overall reserving hard dom for sukuna :)

you pepper tiny kisses onto itadori’s face, treating him with the utmost care like handling fine china. his skin feels so soft against your lips, and he smells very faintly of milky soap. there’s some traces of brand cologne on his shirt, as well as his natural scent.

“yuuujiii-“ you coo, blowing air very gently. when he doesn’t stir, you run your fingertips through a bundle of his cotton candy tainted hair. it evokes a reaction from him, so you continue to press him.

“y-uuuu-ji!”

after a few moments, itadori lets out a soft whine before grumbling incoherent blabber. “i won’t eat the pineapple! kugisaki will scream at me!”

you giggle before prodding him again, when finally he relents and jolts awake, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted at how close your face is to his.

“‘s it morning yet?” he wrinkles his nose, stifling a yawn. you emit a hum in thought before wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling you into him. itadori squeaks in surprise when he feels you latch your lips onto his neck, suckling and carefully breaking the bonds underneath his sensitive skin. his moan comes out groggy, still laced with sleep.

“that drives me crazy, you know that, right?” itadori laughs, though his voice comes as a wobble.

“i know. and they look so good on you too, hm?” you giggle, caressing one hand from his neck and then down to the hem of his shirt. your fingertips flutter against his bare skin and he shivers physically and audibly. you smooth your palm flat along his chest, dragging your nails carefully against his muscles.

“kinda.. wanna.. go to.. sleep.. but i don’t.. wanna fall asleep…” itadori mumbles against his pillow. the fabric muffles most of it, but there’s a strain in his voice that leads you to believe he’s moaning lightly. guess after sukuna ripped his heart out, this area hasn’t been quite the same, huh?

“so? then go to sleep, yuuji. i’ll be fine-“ “-no way! i gotta take care of you”

“so why don’t you?”

“‘m going to! i was asleep just half a minute ago!”

“and besides-“

he shifts himself up into a sitting position, leaning his back against the headrest. itadori opens his arms, motioning for you to crawl on top of him. without any haste, you clamber over his built frame, ghosting just over the print of his hard dick.

“not that i mind but- we did, you know, in the morning already-“ “oh, shit, sorry- it’s totally fine if you don’t want t-“ “-just messing with you!”

itadori pulls your neck down and gifts you with the same treatment you were offering him earlier. his tongue is hot and wet against your skin and you can already feel the precipitation forming at the back of your knees. calloused yet tender hands smooth around your waist and he smooths his palms over your shoulder blades.

after itadori’s satisfied with the mark he left, you can’t help but groan a little into his mouth when his lips suddenly claim yours. he drinks you up, relying solely on your taste like he’s drowning and you’re the air he needs.

itadori takes his sweet time cherishing you, or rather it’s still his state of half slumber, but you can feel a dull ache prick your abdomen. you scratch up his shirt, motioning for him to take it off. you’re unsure what comes over you, but shit, you don’t want him- you need him.

“heyheyhey, ‘s okay. don’t worry, i got you.”

“i’ll take care of you.”

“just relax, okay? i got this.” he only coos with sweet reassurances, peppering small kisses and handling you with the utmost precision.

you whimper, balancing your palms flat against his abdomen for additional support as you sink down onto itadori’s cock. he lets out a hum of content, forehead bumping against yours as he allows you to adjust.

“you good?” he murmurs after a few moments, capturing a few strands of your hair in between his fingertips. you nod meekly and itadori hisses out a breathy exhale. he’s sure that if he goes rough as shit you might end up more broken than being able to sleep, so he screws his eyes shut and exhales to maintain his composure.

blazing hot lips scrape against your ear, and his voice comes out in a husky tone.

“tell me how you want it.”

by the lords of everything and all that is holy, itadori only chants the same phrase over and over in his mind. it’s a miracle that he’s able to think straight with all the blood rushing to his cock. he’s more than happy to take it slow, reward you with slow and long strokes while he showers you with high praises. but he can’t ignore the twitch that he experiences when he envisions that pretty lil fucked out face of yours, all messy and ruined for him.

you mutter that you have no preference, that you don’t care because anything he’ll do for you is perfect, and it only gives him a beaming smile at your words.

itadori grabs the scrunched up ball of his shirt that he was wearing before ripping the fabric into half with his bare teeth. you watch his eyebrows perk when he notices how fucking hot you just found that, evident with the way your walls fluttered around him.

“here, babe.”

you part your lips and he stuffs the fabric into your mouth, there’s a little bit of excess hanging out, but he reminds you that you look sexy as hell either way, on top of his dick like that with your hands on his chest, legs spread, face flushed and ready for him.

“don’t wanna be wakin’ anyone else up.”

yuuta

this man is about to end my whole career

yuuta wouldn’t bring it up on his own accord just because… respect.. and he doesn’t want to pressure you or make you uncomfortable into doing things you’re not ready to.

it’s kind of a gray area for him because he doesn’t relish the idea of bringing up sensitive and/or extremely awkward topics so he really said ‘i’ll leave it up to future me’s problem’

but holy shit. let me absolutely tell you.

the second you hint at it? anything of the sorts? 0 to 100. he is FREAKY you cannot tell me he’s innocent just LOOK at the man

can make you scream with ease. all that practice he’s been doing with handling katanas? he doesn’t need his dick to make you cum. will gladly lick up your leftover juices and remark with a smile on his face how ‘it tastes good, angel’

similarly to itadori, i think he would be sweet and patient when asking for your preferences, etc, but after that you’re gonna have to find something to bite onto

“and? what’d you tell her?” yuuta remarks from over his fanned out deck of three cards. his gaze flickers to you as he awaits a response before using his index and middle finger to lay down a +4 card.

“red, by the way.”

you huff and glare at your boyfriend, picking up four cards and attempting to hold them in such a way that they don’t all fall and rattle to the floor. truth be told? you’re seriously a sore fuckin’ loser. you don’t know how he does it, but you’ve never managed to win a game against yuuta.

“i told maki-san that it’s her problem, not mine. if she’s so pressed about people taking them, why does she keep noodles stored in the fridge? really, noodles in the fridge? they’re really spicy as well! made my nose run like hell.” you scoff in distaste, throwing down a random red card on the pile.

“you totally ate them didn’t you?” yuuta giggles, beaming you a wide smile.

“also.. told her that i didn’t see them instead but- yeah.”

“aren’t you worried she’ll find out? oh, and, uno.”

“she might just beat me up to be honest, and, uno, you say? not anymore, love.” you sneer, throwing down a +4 card.

“i want green.”

“i’d protect you.” yuuta states over his cards. you feel like cracking a joke and laughing, but there’s absolutely zero implication on his facial features to show that he’s joking. that, and his serious tone, of course.

you flip your cards down onto the table and yuuta squeaks, pointing towards them.

“uh- i can see your cards-“

“it’s okay, not like i was gonna win anyway.”

at this point, yuuta’s mind races a hundred miles an hour. he’s panicking, blood pressure raised, heart thumping and throat clogged. oh, shit, did he do something wrong? did he upset you? is it ‘cause he said he’d protect you with no regards to the fact that you’re perfectly capable of fending yourself off against maki? fuck, he’s such a god damn screw-up, can’t even take care of his girlfriend correct-

“hey.”

your fingertips slide around his neck, hands interlocking at the base of his head. your thighs balance on his lap and you straddle him, legs either side of his.

he can’t help but hitch his breath, holding it in as though one wrong move and you would dematerialise.

“what’re you thinking about in that head of yours?”

whether you’re referencing his mini panic attack just now, or if you’re referring to all the multiple times he’s battled just bending you over and railing the absolute shit out of you, there’s not much room for debate when you brush your clothed sex up against the print of his dick.

yuuta snakes his slender hands around your throat, holding it in place. you can feel the arousal pool and wash over you, and you’d be more than surprised if you hadn’t soaked through your clothes.

he lets out a breathy laugh, devastating your stomach with butterflies due to how attractive he sounds. yuuta’s soft lips brush the shell of your ear and his other hand moves to rest on your waist,

“why don’t i show you?”

before you can utter a tease something along the lines of “show me what? how you’re too scared to hit me in bed?” you’re already down, flipped over and bent over the table you and yuuta were using moments prior ago for uno. the cards have splattered all over the wooden floor and you only hiss in discomfort as the cool surface scratches against your delicate skin. your boyfriend towers over you, leaning down as his torso clicks into place against your back. even through his titanium white jacket, you can feel his calm and collected heartbeat. he rests his head on your shoulder, nudging his face into you.

“don’t scream, okay? or, try not to, at least-“

his warm fingertips ghost over the curve of your ass, where he pinches the skin there before delivering a loud slap. you squeak, back arching as you jolt from the action. he proceeds by grabbing the inside of your thighs, long middle finger hoisting around your underwear and pulling it to the side. he makes note of the red lingerie you’re wearing and gives you a small chuckle, peppering a kiss to the side of your face.

“-unless, of course-“

“-you’d prefer everyone hear me fuck you stupid.”

“safe word’s blue, angel. i love you and thank you.”

truth be told, you were never sure what to expect from yuuta. hell, you’d never really seen the man’s dick before, sure you caught glimpses in the morning whenever he’d wake up but it’s really not the same. nothing in the world can compare to the first time you felt his piping hot tip brush up against your slicked cunt. and it was embarrassing, actually, the way your pussy was seething for him already.

with a firm hold on your tailbone, yuuta utilises his lower body strength to ram his dick all the way inside. there’s a garbled and choked moan that hisses from you when you feel your walls wrap and deform around the girth of yuuta’s dick. you whine even more so when you can physically feel a thick vein that decorates his shaft.

“the mirror.” yuuta commands in a low tone, redirecting you to glance at the same mirror you’d always fantasised about him fucking you in front of.

his eyes are half lidded, riddled with concentration. it reminds you of that feral and focused gaze he gets during serious battles.

“don’t look at me. look here.”

you trail the outline of yuuta’s arm veins as a result of him rolling his uniform sleeves up; following his v line that points towards his dick. you can only gawk in awe when you realise you’ve taken him to the base of his shaft.

his gaze locks with yours for a split second and he snaps his hips out until just about his tip is visible inside your cunt.

and shit, if his pretty pink cock isn’t the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, especially with that attractive curve. you’re sure the gesture is just to wind you up, but you can’t help but swoon at him showcasing his pride to you.

“so- mmhf- pretty-“ you whine, words jumbled and breath caught when he slams his dick inside without any prior warning. you can only shriek in exclamation when his tip bruises your cervix, and you’re unsure whether you lament the sensation or not.

he only gives you a cheerful hum, reminding you of his usual cheery disposition. it’s not until then that you realise how much of a fucking beast he’s acting right now.

“right? i’ll put it to good use, i promise.”

gojo

- i know we’re all thinking the same thing here lmfao

- trying to sleep? good for you, now, open your legs for satoru.

- oh you can’t sleep? atta girl, down on your knees for satoru.

- bye i can literally imagine gojo saying some dumbass shit like “think you were trying to sleep but i couldn’t help but think how good my dick would look down your throat like that. sorry, love, you’re not sleeping tonight.”

you blink your eyes in turn with the cicadas chirping aside, stifling a yawn. everything around you down to the very last detail screams at you to sleep, but you just cannot. from the pitch black night that floods the room obscurely, to gojo’s even and quiet breathing beside you. you’ve tried it all. you’ve counted an excess amount of sheep, you’ve tensed and relaxed your body more than you can remember. hell, no matter how many times you’ve flipped the pillow you always seemed to feel less exhausted each time.

you can’t watch netflix, because you’ve binged all your favourite shows. it’s not that you’d wake gojo up because, who cares? by the time you finish scrolling through the endless lists it’ll be time to get up.

you ponder over the things you can do, continuing to subconsciously blink furiously. that is until gojo makes note of your stupid actions and starts giggling like a high schooler at his first sleepover.

“what the hell are you doing?” he snorts, cackling into the pillow like it’s the best joke he’s heard for quite some time.

“shut up, satoru. i’m trying to sleep you ass.” you tut at him, berating him for ruining your divine concentration.

gojo audibly shifts onto his stomach, his right arm crosses over the back of his head as he lazily rests his palm onto his scalp. the other arm preoccupies itself by landing it smack bang onto your chest, fingers wandering up to cup your breast.

“satoru, huh? that’s daddy for ya” he remarks, still giggling in a state of half asleep.

“uh-huh. goodnight.” you dismiss him and his nonsense.

“just go take a shower. always helps me whenever i can’t sleep.”

“hm? you’re giving me actual good advice and being a normal boyfriend? i think i might be asleep already, this is the best dream ever.” you remark sarcastically, prying gojo’s glued wrist off of your breast and sitting up. you could go for a shower, actually. you’re not sure why but it’s always so therapeutic to take one at night rather than the morning.

“huuuh? how could you say that? you’re so mean, (y/n)-chaan! i offered you my love and the world and this is how you repay m-“

“-goodnight satoru. i love you.”

“don’t think professing your love for me will change my mind! i’m still upset at you right now, young lady!” gojo shouts from over his pillow, exclaiming and irritating you in the way he knows how to best.

“yeah, yeah. okay.” you mumble softly to yourself, bearing a wide grin from ear to ear nonetheless.

when you move to crank the water on in the shower, you realise that you didn’t bring along a change of clothes. you momentarily pop back into the bedroom to ransack the drawer for anything that you can find.

“are you back to apologise for being so mean to me?” gojo whines and you can see the pout evident on him even when it’s pitch black.

“no, i’m just here for clothes, satoru.”

you hear him mumble something but it’s muffled by the sheets he’s underneath so you don’t heed any attention to it and resume in taking a shower to help keep your insomnia at bay.

with a ginger step and a small ‘oopf’, you heave yourself into the large shower that only a headass like gojo would bother buying. it’s reminiscent to what a hot tub looks like on the inside, with surrounding jets practically in a full 360 degrees. the things so steep that there’s a small step up in front of the shower outside the actual structure. it must have cost quite the fortune.

you reach in for the built in shelf to grab ahold of some of your toiletries as you allow the water to fall in a gentle sprinkle, almost like rain. there’s an audible squeeze reminiscent to trying to get the last ounces of ketchup as you apply some body gel to your hands, lathering it up.

despite standing, the warmth of the water leads your muscles to feel less tense. the only noteworthy downside is that the running water is tremendously loud. how on earth is gojo sleeping through all that racket?

slender fingertips ghost over your inner thighs. you can feel his wet and sturdy chest in place against your spine.

“surprised to see me?”

“you know i can’t let my baby talk shit like that.”

really? that’s his issue at hand here?

“so which is it?”

“acting like an intolerant brat because you’re tired or ‘cause you wanna get dicked down?”

gojo loops his arm underneath your leg, bending it up. you almost topple over in the process and you lay one hand flat against the tile.

“don’t answer that. sometimes it’s so obvious that you’re such a whore for my dick.”

“huh?! what the shit are you saying?” you snap at how correct he is.

gojo yanks your face back, digging his fingers into your cheeks as he forces you to face him. it almost sends your neck into two pieces, straining to look back at him.

“oh, really princess? just the other day you were begging me to fuck you”

“remember that? couldn’t wait so you rode me in the car? you know, baby, all you gotta do is ask.”

your legs tremble and psyche wobbles when he pries your mouth open with his thumb, promptly before spitting into it.

“don’t bother with the bullshit. i’ll play the games, not you.”

he drags his hard cock against the curve of your ass, slapping it against you.

“i don’t think i feel like fuckin’ you right now.” gojo sneers, humming sardonically. his lips quickly latch onto yours when you spin around to meet his gaze. like the fucker he is, gojo moans and whines into the kiss- lips ravaging you whole and tongue capturing your essence.

“baby girl, i was gonna let you top me. you know i don’t let anyone do that.”

his long middle finger prods against your cunt, forcing itself in with ease.

“damn, you’re soaked. you really wanted to milk me dry that bad?”

you hate him. hate him so fucking bad. he flashes you that attractive smile of his, azure eyes sparkling and snow white hair disturbed with water.

gojo pulls his finger out before sucking onto it in front of you, lapping all the excess arousal off.

“i’m not playing with you tonight.”

toji

- i literally don’t even need to say anything here

- just be sure to make a hospital check up appointment or something

- um-i uh- please remember to breathe after this one? maybe touch some grass? ALSO my first time writing for toji AAA i hope he’s okay

maybe if you don’t breathe? nah, that wouldn’t work. there’s still air acting around your limbs when you move so you’d be disturbing the barriers there. let’s see… maybe bit by bit? surely if you slowly inched his shirt up? then again, wouldn’t toji chew you out halfway through? maybe you should just give it to him straight up? just slip your hand under his shirt. come on. but he looks so peaceful, sleeping like that.. long eyelashes fluttered closed, lips relaxed and not scowling. his eyebrows are softly arched. he looks so soft, lips parted, chest rising and falling with every breath.

fuck it. just do it. cuddle him already.

you muster up all your courage in one fell swoop and you bend one leg over toji, resting it just above his groin. your right arm sprawls out over his chest and your hand rests against his toned arm. he’s already sleeping with one arm bent up with his hand supporting the back of his head, so you utilise the free real estate to nestle your head in the crook of where his shoulder and collarbone meet.

when he doesn’t move after a while, you deem your life to be safe and exhale with ease.

“you’re not asleep.” toji states in a groggy, husky tone. it’s supposed to be a question, but, coming from him it almost sounds like a challenge.

“yes?” you squeak out meekly.

“‘yes?’ you asleep or not?”

“i can’t sleep again.” you murmur against his shirt and he exhales a small sigh. the arm that you’re clinging onto moves to draw small circles on your thigh that rests on toji.

“when’d you notice?” you inquire, glancing down at his large wrists.

“like five minutes ago. nice try, kid.” toji snorts indifferently, chuckling at your behaviour.

when you don’t make an effort to respond, toji’s interest peaks and he lets out a small hum of intrigue when he follows your gaze.

he turns his head, brushing his lips up against your temples.

“see anything interesting down there?”

“as a matter of fact-“

you nestle yourself in between toji’s large and built thighs, digits curling around the waistband of his boxers. he only smirks at you through the dark, cock twitching through the fabric. you notice toji hover his hips up so that you can slide his boxers off for him and you happily oblige.

“-i do.” you chime, licking your lips.

it’s cute, though, if you thought toji was gonna let you handle him like that all by yourself.

as you kiss a trail up his thick shaft, toji yanks ahold fistfuls of your hair before grabbing your face off of his cock.

“who said you could suck my dick? that’s real cute.”

“thinking you actually have a place in my house.”

“i didn’t train you to be such a depraved slut. know your fucking place, because this isn’t it.”

“how many times do i gotta tell you? you don’t belong here. look around. do you see anything that shows a woman lives here? no? that’s because you’re nothing but a fuck doll for me.”

toji hisses out profanities at the gag you spew when he slams your tiny little mouth back down on his dick.

“lose the teeth you imbecile. unless you’re trying to tell me that you can’t suck my dick properly.”

incessant whines and garbled sentences are muffled by toji’s cock. whatever remnants you had of your vision are nothing but a blur as tears stream your cheeks, nose running and sniffles resurface in a repeating pattern over the slick sounds of slurping and gagging. your mouth stretches as far as it can go and the corners of your lips shriek in despair. you can feel the skin there stretch and pull beyond what’s considered normal.

even through all that, you manage to glance up at toji through your water logged lashes. you’ll be a good girl for him. you need to be.

“fuuuck. that’s a pretty sight.” he grumbles and a deep chuckle resonates through his chest. within a few moments, toji fumbles to reach for something.

you can only wince and screw your eyes at the suddenly blinding flash of a light in front of you. one can only assume he’s taken a photo of you in your humiliating state.

you can feel the fear settle into your veins when that telltale ping of a message being sent vibrates throughout the room. if you were to listen hard enough, you could hear a notification go off in the next room over.

your throat feels raw, jaw tense and locked open. it’s been a good twenty minutes of toji face fucking you to teach you a valid lesson. it’s all in the will of him wanting to drag this on, savouring every miniscule slurp, whimper or gasp. when his strokes start to feel sloppier than usual, you can’t help but feel relieved.

as you squirm about due to toji shooting hot ropes of his thick cum down your throat, the door softly clicks open.

“megumi. you’re just in time.”

“she’s way more obedient than your mom ever used to be.”

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