#bear with me. i love connecting things and seeing patterns

[youngster-monster]

You're gonna carry that weight

Cowboy Bebop | All These Things That I've Done, The Killers | On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous, Ocean Vuong | Mattress Performance (Carry That Weight), Emma Sulkowicz | You're So Cool, Nicole Dollanganger | Every Day I Am Trying New Techniques To Make Myself Disappear, E.E Scott | Papyrus of Ani | Impossible Weight, Deep Sea Diver | The Gang Carries a Corpse Up a Mountain, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia | an old poem about reflections, Grendel Menz | @jb-blunk | @intactics | The Glass Essay, Anne Carson (thank you @grapecaseschoices )| Henry V, Kenneth Branagh | I, Carrion (Icarian), Hozier | Carrying the Skeleton, Marina Abramović | Atlas, Serhii Hetmanchuk | Dark Knight questline, Final Fantasy XIV

(image descriptions in alt)

[epiphainie]

buck meta

ohhh boyyy. i've been putting this off for weeks because it takes me a minute to be objective about buck with how it feels about him around here sometimes but i wanna put all my thoughts somewhere for once and all so here you go, for my 20 followers who like to read my meta 💛

now i've been thinking about how to frame this entire thing, and i keep going back to buck's passivity that people (including me) has talked about since the breakup because this is one thing i never felt in consensus with. when people say buck's passivity it's always about him not calling tommy when he wanted to, how he should go after him and tell him he loves him, and to this day i cannot see what that would change. even if tommy was willing to reconsider his stance during the breakup because all he needed to hear was those three words (which i don't think he would). it would only put them back into this pattern where buck's passivity during the relationship would continue to be an issue.

@alchemistc wrote this awesome tommy meta the other day about how tommy's way of talking about his past in this polished way where he presents these facts like they have no emotional bearing on him anymore created an environment where buck had no way of knowing more about tommy without pushing. now i'm not gonna rehash that because i think her meta is perfect, but i wanna bring it back to buck here and his unwillingness to push. buck who's known for inserting himself in places where he's not even welcome (with eddie's entire life, with taylor and her dad, with abby and her mom). but also buck who has kept hearing he's "too much" or "making things about himself" and has a string of failed relationships in his past, suddenly finds himself in one where it feels as transformative and special as the first time he fell in love. he's comfortable, he's happy, they nominally have started on really strong foundation etc. now this is kind of a side note but while i think part of this is due to how tommy treats buck, i think another part is the freedom he finds in not having to act like "the man" in the relationship, which is awesome because heteronormal roles in relationships suck and buck has always been the giver in his relationships, but only till it skews the other way and you forget the "mutual" part of being in a relationship.

i think this combined with tommy's "water off my back" way of bringing up things about himself that again catie mentioned, and i also wrote about here, really made buck unwilling to rock the boat. do i think he was ignoring tommy when tommy was bleeding his heart open to him? no. again, the way tommy shares things about himself (like just look at the way he talks about gerrard's 118 being oppressive or the one time he brought up his dad; which he again does with the eddie reveal but we'll come back to that) doesn't really invite more digging, especially from a guy like buck whose way of inserting himself in places and wanting more has cost him many relationships.

then the abby fiasco happens. this is likely the first time buck has felt anything conflicting about tommy, especially something he has a personal connection to (now tommy doesn't know this obviously but the way he talks about being closeted with abby and breaking abby's heart is also so reminiscent of how he talks about anything to do with his personal story lol what a guy) and buck genuinely SUCKS at dealing with conflicting emotions. he's such a head in the sand guy when it comes to things that concern him personally and emotionally. he refused to acknowledge that abby had left him for a year, spent almost as long ignoring that him and taylor were on a downward trajectory, pretended eddie leaving didn't make him feel weird till it came out as him acting out and being passive aggressive, he didn't even crack open the book on his sexuality beyond what this relationship means. it is SO in character for buck and i felt this way since the moment i watched 8x06 when people were going "that's so ooc of him" to deal with the storyline (my daily reminder that characterization in an ongoing story is dynamic and there's not one true way for characters to act)

so he learns about abby, he's already unwilling to dig too much into tommy lest he hit something tommy doesn't wanna show, and this time he also has a personal connection to it. he's not gonna "make it about himself" in front of tommy obviously, so he tries to resolve and process the entire thing before the next time they even see each other. he makes peace with it, he's ready to go back to their undisturbed bubble of peace, there's no reason for them to not continue on as they have been.

then he miscalculates his level of damage control.

now i genuinely think that all buck has told tommy right before the breakup is earnest, in that he wants to be with him as long as they can see into the future, he'd love to live together, hell maybe he even thought about marriage, but his motivation for saying these at this time is all wrong. namely that he wants to forget about the one thing he perceived as threat to their relationship so far, pretend he resolved it all in his head, and they can be back in their honeymoon.

then tommy breaks up with him. now i keep going back to tommy's insecurities about buck outgrowing him or finding someone else (someone else later becoming eddie) is a smokeshow to cover for his actual fear of investing in this relationship longterm and seriously, not because he's flaky, but real commitment would require him to open even more of himself to buck. because while these insecurities might have been building up, it's buck's mention of their future that triggers tommy. now i always give tommy more credit in terms of how aware he's of the situation, what he's doing/feeling, but also what buck's doing/feeling, under his layers of bullshit, so i think a part of him foresees the pattern with buck that doesn't spell out confidence in the longevity of their relationship. but this is not what buck hears.

buck doesn't hear "you can't even bring up your issues to me" or "you never ask for more when you seem overtly invested in everyone else's lives" what buck hears is "you're great, i would like to be with you, but you will hurt me whether you mean it or not, so i can't give us a real chance" tommy leaves buck with nothing to reflect on other than that what he's feeling is not forever and he'll cause tommy heartbreak.

now this is where i get back to buck calling tommy in the aftermath. i genuinely think buck calling tommy in the mindset he was in post-breakup would be useless, and the 118 not encouring him was the right thing, because look at buck in those eps. he's upset but he's upset about being in the state of tommylessness. he doesn't do any introspection about what motivated the breakup, what would cause tommy to think that (partly because tommy doesn't give him much as mentioned above lol), and most importantly how he feels beyond "sad" he's not angry, he's not hurt (on the surface), he's making up scenarios about tommy being injured so they can reconnect and take each other back and pretend it's okay. to me THIS is buck's passivity. his unwillingness to take things apart in himself.

so months go by, they're both in a limbo, then they see each other again, and immediately fall into acting the same easy way. buck brings up being dumped but only as a joke because that's the diatance of how willing he is to think about it, tommy sidesteps that comment entirely, buck doesn't ask for more, and they're two amicable exes who clearly still have sexual chemistry and are down to fuck, sex is the easiest thing to buck and they have a great night.

in the morning, buck thinks tommy has left and why wouldn't he? as the party who said "i can see a future for us" and in response got broken up with with "well i can't" i'm not even saying that buck was entirely blind to the possibility of tommy's mind changing, i'm not saying his "what changed?" was in disbelief because tommy is so tightly closed, but i also can't see his "this doesn't have to change anything" as him throwing tommy's feelings in his face (between this line and "tommy is so vulnerable" i lost a couple of years of my lifespan). it's an out in case they're not on the same page after their great night together and can you blame buck for being cautiously optimistic instead as the person who was told their relationship won't last because his feelings are not permenant and will cause the relationship to fail?

i see people taking buck's "are you not scared anymore i won't break your heart?" as him thinking he could never hurt tommy but i think the exact opposite. buck who takes on the blame of things that are not even his fault (like chimney leaving in s5), to the point it genuinely feels like he's making things about himself, who punishes himself emotionally, in my opinion, would just chew on that line for months. especially when tommy didn't give him anything else. why would tommy think buck will break his heart when buck was being so careful with this relationship to begin with? i think buck is aware of his capacity to hurt tommy (or anyone for that matter) especially because we've already seen him hurt tommy, apologize, and ask for a second chance right at the beginning of their relationship, but i don't think buck quite grasps not pushing can also hurt their relationship, come off as disinterest, make tommy latch onto every little think because he's already looking for ways to sabotage himself.

anyway i think, "this doesn't have to change anything" is clearly just an optimistic prompt for them to actually talk about what changed, and "you're not scared i'm not gonna break your heart anymore?" is buck hopeful tommy believes him now when he says he wants a future for them, and i think tommy sees it as that as well but then. he does his own cautious thing where he brings up eddie by downplaying what he felt re him during their relationship. what i love the MOST about this scene is how tommy's careful way of dropping personal nuggets was the one reason buck held back from pushing at all, but here precisely the way he brings it up sets buck off. i genuinely think that if he gave buck any other reason or this reason presented differently, without making a joke of tommy's own insecurities but also buck's feelings, buck would just take tommy back. he was willing to the moment tommy first walked out of that loft, he's had ZERO DESIRE to question tommy's choice or how it made him feel, but this pushes him into the territory where we for once see him feel something about this breakup other than "sad bc i'm alone again". he's justifiably angry because he's hurt and it is so delicious to me after how the show sets up their breakup where maddie suggests if buck's scared tommy will hurt him like he hurt abby, to which buck obviously says no because buck never even thinks other people can hurt his feelings, and then the breakup plays out with tommy leaving him hurt, precisely for the reasons josh spells out.

tldr; to me so many of bucktommy's issues boil down to both treading so carefully because of how much they wanted to make it work and neither being willing to share much of their baggage and not asking more in return. will it change? eh. do i think the show will have buck process all his feelings in front of tommy? i don't think so. at most we'll get an "i'm sorry, i didn't mean that thing about not having feelings for you" and we're lucky tommy responding with "i'm sorry i left" then kiss kiss smooch smooch. which i will take, i will take all the crumbs, but i think it'd be awesome for buck's character and their relationship if buck felt comfortable to bring up all his hurt and conflicting emotions to tommy, realize he can push with his own bullshit but also push tommy to share back more of his bullshit. my kindgom for buck and tommy to be the safe haven to each other where they can lay their hurt, neediness, insecurities, fears, anger with.

[bugslaststraw]

Ugh I explained this to Nat before but that was a vm and now I have to try to put it into text lol. Bear with me. Spoilers for Sonic 3 below...

So like Okay, original game Robotnik has that "machines are better than people and I love them and I hate people" thing going on. And movie universe Jimbotnik does the same thing right. Except his reasons for preferring machines are a little weird? To say the least.

When most people aspire to the perfection of the blessed machine they tend to focus on how machines are perfect because they aren't saddled with those pathetic human emotions, and how they're stronger and smarter and more perfect and all that. And like. There are elements of that with movie Robotnik don't get me wrong, he bullies Sonic for loving his friends, but we all know that's bullshit because his actual personality complex trauma thing stems entirely from being hurt that people don't like him? and nobody's ever genuinely cared about him enough to not betray/leave him, as we learned in movie 3. Daddy issues, et cetera.

The actual first reason he gives for why he prefers his robots, in movie 1, is that they do what they're told and they never need time off to go do stuff other than what they're told. What's worse is that he outright ignores the part about machines that don't line up with what he is. Machines are cold unfeeling things right? And Robotnik is a madman, just complete ditz entirely controlled by his emotions. He's all over the place. So obviously that isn't why he actually likes them. Nor does it seem to be because they're smarter or stronger.

Now all this wouldn't quite have clicked in my head and started forming a pattern, if I hadn't spent half a day getting ahold of reading the movie novelizations lol, they're not good exactly but they aren't bad either (not exactly) and they have this really interesting. Detail. Take. Choice, even, that stood out to me. In the novels we get exactly zero scenes written from Agent Stone's perspective. So he's entirely filtered through Robotnik as we see him. And, like. Robotnik ascribes? Robotic traits to him? That he straight up doesn't have?

This being the most infamous example... But it happens again at least once, which is a lot for the novels cus they're short as hell, where (from Botnik's pov) Stone takes on this more mechanical tone when talking to him or being around him, that he seems to like or prefer/speak positively of. Okay. Weird, homoerotic, but not entirely out of character.

It did make me think though. If Robotnik is kind of loose about why he actually likes machines. But is still adamant that they're good and humans are bad... And what he actually likes about them seems to be that they're... Loyal? I think. And they do what they're told. And they don't need time off to see their families and get laid and leave him alone I'm so sorry then. Well.

Those are traits a human being could very well have. For example, his actual human assistant, who's standing right fucking there as he says it. Right? Stone is still all that, he's loyal and he actually likes + is nice to him and he does what he's told and that's why he actually likes him, as we find out in movie 3, right? So.

What I'm saying is when. In the third movie when he says you were the only person who ever blah blah right. And, like, of course he was. Who would want to be loyal to? This dickhead who mostly wants to achieve world domination? Why would you want to do what a villain says? But Robotnik doesn't care about that, he likes being a villain and above that he's just hurt, right, by it all, and doesn't gaf if his own actions affect others so.

So he ascribes robotic traits to Stone not because they're actually there (Stone is professional when talking to others, but far from emotionless, and it is in fact his emotional connection to the dear doctor that makes him as loyal as he is) but. Rather because in his mind, Stone is on the same level as a robot, because he has the same traits that Robotnik actually. Likes about his robots. That mainly being loyalty, I think.

And, well. In the third movie granpappy Geralt hacks those robots of his and makes them stop obeying him, doesn't he. Not even they were entirely loyal by the end, much like Geralt himself, right?

You can't hack a human being, though.

Anyway. Keep your heads up, okay? I'm like. 99% sure Robotnik is fine (fight me in the comments I guess) and I tend to be good at predicting this stuff so he'll be back one way or another. Jim Carrey officially un-retired, the space station time travel thing is still an active theory, and they can't just fucking kill Eggman guys, come on. Cheers!🥂

[pixelatedraindrops]

Baby Makoto AU Doodle Dump🐣

Hiya everyone! So, I’ve been busy working on some art of this new little concept of mine. It’s been in my head for a while. Ever since I found out Makoto is in fact canonically 3 years old. And then thinking of Number One being a doting single parent to his tiny homunculus clone whom he adopts to keep safe from further experimentation and raises as his own 🥺💕

I’ve seen other people (specifically on twitter) come up with this thought as well. Makoto as a 3 year old child with Yuma as his parent. Honestly other than drawing my favorite characters being sick, drawing them as little kids also brings about a nostalgic comfort to me. Not nearly as much joy as drawing sickies brings me, but it was fun to draw the all powerful CEO as a little toddler curious about the world. He's just a little baby <3

Now I am actually a bit shy and insecure about this idea. Mainly due to people possibly confusing it with infantilization and/or age regression. This is neither of those things. It’s an AU where he just happens to be a toddler. If anything I picture little Makoto to be similar to Anya from Spy x Family. (and the fact they both share a Japanese VA makes this connection even cuter, and he's only one year younger than her x3)

Anyway, I hope you all will indulge in me as I share the art I’ve done of this tiny little homunculus. I probably won’t talk about this au or draw it often due to feeling shy about it, so I just made a full on thread of the doodles if you want to see. I keep them under a read more to prevent spam (and I know not everyone is a fan of this concept)

But if you look, I hope you enjoy!

A little reference of sorts I made of my toddler Makoto design. (though he wears different clothing in every art I do of him lol this just connects his normal purple flowery attire) He is exactly 2 feet shorter than his usual height making him pretty small for a toddler. (but yuma is pretty short too lol and I want him to be able to carry him ;w;)

He has 2 special toys that connect to his other mask designs in the concept art. The teddy bear is his very special possession that Yuma gave him as a present, and the puppet teruteru-bozu is something he made together with Yuma when crafting on a rainy day. (he is so talented preparing him for the future when he actually develops products for the company he will run) The melon ball is based on his favorite fruit, and he has socks and a fuzzy blanket with the pattern of his mask.

In this AU, Yuma retains his Number One persona. He’s not meek apologetic and unsure, he has the confidence of the ultimate detective. But is he confident as a parent? Not in the slightest. But taking care of Makoto teaches him more about being kind and empathetic towards others, and eventually over time he becomes super protective and even at times doting towards Makoto.

Making his personality a bit more bright and pleasant, much like the kind and gentle Yuma that we all know and love. Parenthood causes the serious detective to soften up a lot. And of course this causes Makoto to love and depend on Yuma in return and never want to cause him trouble. (So he puts on a tough act a lot ;w;) However, he almost never calls Yuma dad. He just calls him Yuma. Its very rare that he refers to Yuma as his dad but this is perfectly okay by Yuma. (But when Makoto does call him dad? Yuma feels such unexplainable emotional discord that he almost cries.)

Some more doodles :3

Such a silly little family. I love them so much <3

Why did I think of this AU? Because I want Makoto and pre-game Yuma to not be lonely, be happy together, and for Makoto to have a childhood. Honestly Makoto seems a bit childish and playful in canon too so...

I think I'd like him to have an actual childhood where he grows up comfortable and happy. And in the care of someone who loves him 💜

[thethirdromana]

Lots of discussion on my dash at the moment about how RTD writes women. I have a slightly half-baked theory that connects a bunch of different things. The things are:

RTD is often negative about older women, especially companions' mothers

RTD companions never leave for better and different things; they are either tragically separated from the Doctor, or take on a Doctor-like role

RTD often tells us that ordinary domesticity is desirable, but seldom shows it being desirable

My theory comes down to this: RTD writes coming-of-age stories for (female) companions, but struggles to imagine adulthood as a happy ending to those stories.

(I said it's half-baked, bear with me. I'm figuring this out as I go.)

So my starting point for comparison is Susan. When we first meet her, she's a child, but she steadily grows up (kind of) and by the time we get to the Dalek Invasion of Earth, she's old enough to move out of home, she's fallen in love, and she's excited for the next phase of her life: helping to rebuild the shattered Earth. Obviously this all happens in a sexist 60s way where she's handed from one man (her grandfather) to another (her future husband). But it's still the logical endpoint of a coming-of-age narrative, where she's outgrown her life in the TARDIS and she's ready to step out on her own, in her next adventure.

RTD companions often start off in the coming-of-age mould. Rose is 19, in a boring job with a boring boyfriend. Her life hasn't really started yet. Martha is a medical student, which should be pretty exciting, but there's the same sense that her life hasn't really started yet. Donna is older, but her life is also in a holding pattern, and there's not much that she's leaving behind; it might not be a coming-of-age story but it's certainly one about maturing and finding herself. Ruby is 19 and again, her life hasn't really started yet. Belinda... who knows, really? I don't think we ever get enough of a sense of her life to say.

But unlike Susan (or many other previous companions), the RTD companions don't generally leave the TARDIS happily to go on to an independent adventure.

Rose is heartbroken at the loss of the Doctor, and goes on to work for Torchwood in her universe.

Jack leaves the TARDIS unwillingly, chases the Doctor for literal centuries, and becomes a kind of Doctor-lite at Torchwood.

Martha leaves the TARDIS traumatised, and goes on to work for UNIT, is seconded to Torchwood, then becomes a kind of Doctor-lite, fighting aliens independently.

Donna leaves the TARDIS unwillingly with her memories wiped, then goes on to work for UNIT.

Ruby does leave the TARDIS willingly... but then goes on to work for UNIT.

Belinda has her timeline retroactively altered, and leaves to look after her baby.

Sarah Jane Smith, after appearing in RTD's Who, is shown to have been devastated by the Doctor leaving her ("you were my life"), and then goes on to become a kind of Doctor-lite in the Sarah Jane Adventures.

Anita is heartbroken at the loss of the Doctor, and searched for him after he left her. She's only able to move on after she sees he's in love with someone else, when she gets married and has a baby.

There's a theme, right? Companions are miserable in normal life, and the only way they can find some sort of fulfilment after the Doctor is either a) by mimicking their time with him as much as possible or b) by having a baby. (Arguably Sarah Jane, adopting Luke, does both).

That's despite there being so much in the script about how wonderful normal life is. The Doctor may say it is - for instance, to Anita, in Joy to the World - but the story doesn't show it that way. The Doctor was happy with Anita, but Anita isn't happy after he leaves.

Let's move on to mums. RTD has a chequered record with mums.

Jackie Tyler is portrayed as a joke. She flirts with the Doctor, laughably, because how could she (aged 40) imagine that the Doctor (played by a 41-year-old) could be attracted to her? Obviously he's only interested in her 19-year-old daughter.

Francine Jones is - in the words of tardis.fandom.com - "uptight, critical and demanding". Her ex-husband cheated on her with a much younger woman, but she takes him back. The show is more negative about Francine than about Clive.

Sylvia Noble is bossy and condescending. That's in stark contrast to her father, who is simply delightful.

Carla Sunday is generally an exception: she's warm, kind and caring. Except that in two alternative timelines, she becomes cruel and cold to Ruby.

I do think this all ties together in RTD struggling to imagine adulthood as a happy ending. The mums are variously unpleasant and laughable because he doesn't imagine their lives in late middle age to be a happy ending. The companions cannot leave to a normal life because RTD doesn't imagine that to be a happy ending. Ordinary life is always shown as something miserable to leave behind, something that becomes actively intolerable once the Doctor has demonstrated the alternative, because RTD doesn't imagine normal adulthood to be a happy ending.

So Rose can't just enjoy herself with her new sort-of-Doctor. Martha can't just go back to studying medicine. Donna's life (which seems nice!) has to be improved by working for UNIT and getting her own sort-of-Doctor. Ruby can't do something un-Doctor-related, like, I don't know, going back to her band. And Belinda can't just go back to being a nurse without having the extra reason of a baby to tie her to one place and time.

This was all prompted by thoughts about how RTD writes women, so one question is, how much is this gendered? The contrast between how RTD writes mums (mostly disapproving) and dads and grandads (neutral to positive) makes me think there is a gendered element. And while Jack's storyline is similar to the female companions, Mickey becomes a Doctor-lite without any of the heartbreak or sense that his life is inadequate without the Doctor.

I don't think I want to go so far as to say that RTD can't imagine happy normal adulthood for women but he certainly doesn't give us many examples of it, especially examples without motherhood. Happiness for female companions does seem to rely on having the Doctor, taking on the role of the Doctor, or having a baby. And no matter how good his intentions, that reads as pretty sexist in its execution.

[lonestardust]

Do you see racist things? If you ever feel like speaking out I would love a chance to make sure I'm not accidentally doing or agreeing with anything harmful.

i really appreciate your kindness anon and i know your intentions are good but if you want, bear with me this long answer because this is exactly my issue; people not realizing there is a wrong foundation dominating these kinds of online spaces we're on. people falling for anything as long as it has a nice sounding veneer that softens the fallacy of it. and this is not (just) about fandom. people need to start treating political education and being principled as a fundamental duty we're fully accountable for and not just something we just want to make sure we're not getting wrong.

it's a labour that requires sacrifice of time and effort on daily basis. it's our responsibility to study, to understand the structures of oppression, to be able to point out all the contradictory positions people take and especially from lazy audience who just endorse anything by clicking a 'share' button.

Don't wait for someone to speak out or wait until someone tells you what has been harming them for too long. Acts that perpetuate oppression don't happen inside our bodies and it's only me who can tell that my stomach is hurting, the symptoms and patterns of harmful positions and acts are out there all the time they just fly under the radar for those who don't do the work to see them as a systematic behaviour, in the wider scope, that's how the privileged, the protected and the politically illiterate/indoctrinated maintain the status quo; by leaving everything on the back of the struggling people to fix, without reaching the stage of maturity of being finally capable of understanding and combating those tools of imperialism on their own (choice of words, language, ideologies, actions, online behaviour etc), people are just too lazy to lead with correct principles that's my issue. liberalism just never graduates from that school, it retreats back to individualism right after telling you its willing to care about the collective in an actual effective way. and during that period it just keeps on inflicting piles of harm for us, the principled, to undo and label as ideological hazard.

I'm just so tired.. I've seen so much betrayal and sustained so many moral injuries from so called communities on here (lgbt circles, fandoms, people with their nice sounding liberal zionist shit and harmful normalization positions on the Palestinian struggle and the current ongoing Genocide etc etc) that pinpointing individual incidents feels in vain.

the term 'community' has been reduced to some depoliticised liberal abstraction where individuals conflate indulging in sexual consumerism and fun activities with collective work. and it points to a larger contradiction where selfish pursuits are masked as liberating and empowering (people who say shit like joy is resistance from the comfort of their couch. i see you), at the expense of emergency mobilisation, investing labour in political education and cultivating real connections based off shared values and struggles. especially now... just the levels of self gratification on here.. the people who treat politics/people's lives as an secondary backdrop to their blogs to show off moral integrity between their usual content. the romanticising of colonial violence or the total negligence of it, the reduction of the global south struggles to english ready made appealing content. all the selective celebrity culture garbage, etc.

I don't speak out here because for most people, politics is about appearing radical online from time to time and not about being able to defend a position with conviction and sacrifice a lot for it.

and because academics, western degree holders, big blogs (often run by a white person), the english-speaking diaspora voices, are more preferred, promoted and listened to

because articulation in english, layered with academic jargon, is constantly mistaken for sound politics.

I don't speak here because myopic victim narratives are centered over structural critique.

because identity wins over principled politics - every single time.

and I'm not interesting in pandering in front of a people here who selfishly give all their time to hobbies and self indulgence and cause harm by endorsing and agreeing on things they think they comprehend from the moral perspective. they don't listen let alone put labour into being responsible individuals. idk that's why i said before i feel like a hypocrite for being here in the first place. I have my other online circles where i find the sound political ground i seek so here I just try to stick to fandom content and nothing more, i just can't help sometimes the way i get angry at the things i see, but again, that's on me for choosing a space where performativity dominates, I'm responsible for that I'm very aware.

Apologies for the long reply Xx

[milfshotss]

Title: Lazy Days

Pairing: Tara Lewis x Reader

Summary: Tara and Reader enjoy a relaxing, playful morning in bed, savoring each other’s company without any distractions.

Warnings: LESBIANS IN LOVE

MEN & Minors DNI: 18+ only

————————————————————————

The morning sun filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow across the room. The clock on the nightstand read 9:32 AM, but neither of you had any intention of getting up anytime soon.

Tara, your wife, had always been someone who thrived on structure, on routine, on being the rock that held everything together. But when you both managed to carve out time for just the two of you, there was something magical about it. Lazy Sundays were your favorite. Days where the world outside your little bubble of warmth could wait.

Today, however, neither of you had moved from the tangle of blankets. Tara was sprawled across the bed, her head nestled into the crook of your neck, her breath warm against your skin. Her fingers lazily traced patterns on your shoulder, her hand moving in slow, deliberate motions.

You hummed contentedly, feeling the familiar, comforting weight of her beside you. You’d been married for over two years, but the simple moments like this, where everything felt quiet and unhurried, still held a magic that was hard to describe. Tara had a way of making every day feel special, even when you were doing absolutely nothing at all.

“Let’s just stay in bed,” you murmured, your voice still thick with sleep.

Tara chuckled softly, her lips grazing your neck as she shifted slightly to look up at you. Her eyes were still half closed, the remnants of sleep still clinging to her features. Her dark hair was tousled, a few strands falling over her face, but it only made her look even more beautiful.

“You’re such a troublemaker,” she teased, her voice still husky with sleep. “You know we have things to do today. I can’t just stay here with you all day.”

You gave a dramatic sigh, pretending to pout. “What if I told you that I have no intention of getting out of this bed until the evening? I’m already too comfortable.”

Her lips twitched into a small smile. “Oh, believe me, I know how much you like being comfortable, but there’s a whole world outside this bed, you know?”

“But I like this world,” you said, the words coming out almost childlike as you wrapped your arms tighter around her, pulling her closer to you. “This world has you, and that’s all I need.”

Tara rolled her eyes, but the warmth that filled her gaze made your heart swell. “You’re ridiculous. Always so extra.”

You both fell into a brief silence, the sounds of your breaths mingling with the quiet hum of the city beyond your house. Tara shifted slightly, her fingers brushing across your chest.

“Stop,” you said, laughing softly. “You’re playing connect the dots with my freckles again.”

Tara grinned mischievously, her finger continuing its path across your skin. “You have so many of them. It’s hard not to. It’s like a treasure map. You know, I think I’m getting better at it. This one here,” she traced a small freckle near your shoulder, “looks like a star. And this one here,” she continued, moving her finger lower, “looks like a tiny bear.”

You chuckled, shaking your head. “Are you sure you’re not just making this up?”

Tara didn’t even glance up at you as she continued tracing your skin. “Maybe,” she said with a grin, “but I’m having fun with it. You know, if you ever get tired of being a lawyer, you could always become a cartographer for all the freckles on your body.”

You snorted. “I think I’d rather stick to what I know.”

She looked up at you then, her expression softening. Her thumb traced the outline of your jaw, and the air between you seemed to thicken. Her eyes met yours with that familiar tenderness, as though she could see all the way through you.

“You know,” she said, her voice quieter now, “I could stay here forever, just like this. You and me, doing nothing, just being together.”

It was as if the world outside the walls of your room didn’t exist anymore. Just the two of you, wrapped in the warmth of your shared silence, creating your own little universe.

“That sounds perfect,” you whispered, your fingers threading through her hair. “I don’t need anything else, just you.”

Tara smiled, her lips pressing gently against your shoulder. “I feel the same way. You’ve made me soft, you know that?” she teased, her breath warm against your skin.

“I’m pretty sure it’s your fault,” you said, a playful smile tugging at your lips. “I didn’t know what soft was until you came along.”

Tara’s soft laugh vibrated against your chest. “I like that you’ve made me soft too.”

A long stretch of comfortable silence passed between you, both of you content in the simplicity of the moment. Your hands gently traced over her back, feeling the rise and fall of her breathing as she settled into the crook of your neck once more.

“Can we stay like this for a little longer?” You whispered, fingers trailing absently through her hair.

Tara chuckled, her voice warm and sleepy. “You really are determined to make me late for everything, huh?”

“You only have to get up if you want to,” you said, planting a small kiss against her temple. “We can just lay here, all day long.”

She sighed softly, a smile tugging at her lips. “Fine. We can stay in bed… for a little while longer.”

And so, you both lay there, lost in the comfort of each other’s presence. No need for words, no need for anything beyond the softness of the sheets and the quiet moments spent together. The outside world could wait, today, it was just the two of you, and that was enough.

⸻

The day drifted by lazily, your little world consisting of soft kisses, shared laughter, and the occasional teasing remark as you both continued to enjoy each other’s company in the cocoon of your shared space. Tara eventually brought out coffee, both of you sipping it slowly as you remained nestled under the blankets, talking about everything and nothing.

As the afternoon sun began to wane, and the city began to buzz with the noise of life outside, you looked at Tara, her face glowing in the dim light, her hair falling in messy waves around her face.

“I think I could get used to this,” you said softly, gazing at her.

Tara smiled, her eyes twinkling. “Me too. But I have a feeling you’ll make me leave this bed eventually.”

You smirked. “Not today. Not if I can help it.”

Tara’s laughter was soft and full of warmth. “You’re impossible.”

“Impossible… but yours,” you replied, pulling her back into your arms, as the world beyond your window continued to turn, and you stayed in your little bubble, wrapped in each other’s arms, in your perfect, lazy, uninterrupted world.

————————————————————————

[bt-tarot]

Can we get a reading on Hyunjin's fs? He's such a hopeless romantic and I truly wish that he will find that love he craves with his fs.

I also really love your readings! Remember to take your time and take breaks when needed! Have a nice day 🫶

💞 Hyunjin's fs current energy 💖

Five of Swords + Seven of Pentacles Rev., Four of Swords, Ace of Pentacles. Bottom of the deck: Two of Wands Rev.

This person is tired of waitiiing. They fought many battles and they're tired and anxious. They might be struggling at the time with finances, like they really want to pursue something new and stop feeling this way. They might feel stagnant, that all of their options are limited or seem out of reach or that they’re spending time and money in things that are unsure. I think they're also running from a difficult situation, or hoping to escape from it and see a brighter future. Maybe this person is being pushed to leave a situation and they fear that would be surrendering to a defeat. They would like to see beyond their reality and see doors opening. I’m getting the energy of someone who is very resilient and puts a lot of effort, even when things don’t seem like they’re going to be fruitful in the end. This person likes to pursue new projects and works hard for what they have. Probably had a lot of jobs or often is looking for new sources of income, very hardworking. I think they’re reflecting about their options right now and what will bring them more happiness and stability in the future, but the options are a little scary now or the path ahead seems rough.

Lenormand: The Gentleman (Two times)

They're really waiting for someone caring and dreamy.

This person is very dreamy too, they want someone to come to the rescue and who can show them love, kindness and just lend a helping hand. They want a soulmate and they're often asking is that kind of person is coming or at least exist in this world or time line. I think they wonder a lot about this person.

The two gentleman cards in the deck talk about two stories, one about a peasant who is very poor and becomes someone renowned after he defeats his enemy and one who is a bear and becomes a human after he’s loved by one person (kinda like Beauty and The Beast) it makes me think of a lot of possibilities and that this person is open to find him, it doesn’t matter if he’s an idol or a person with a more low profile job. I think this person doesn’t know who Hyunjin is or at least doesn’t know that he’s their fs. The stories of the lenormand cards also make me think of how after we overcome difficulties we become the best version of ourselves or prepare to something greater, and makes me think that maybe after this rough period they will be ready to meet or at least they will be closer to that, but most importantly, they will feel better with their situation.

Clow: The Windy, The Snow, The Flower, The Dream, The Create

As for characteristics of this person. Again, very dreamy. This might be a fated connection or they have met in the dreamworld. They might be a very beautiful person or gracious. I'm getting a well balanced feminine energy. This person may be elegant and kind. I'm getting they smell like flowers too or uses floral perfumes. They may like flowers or floral patterns as well, or flowy clothing too. They're very honest, true to themselves. Very independent, free and open minded. I think they would like to move a lot or is a very active person. They could have a peaceful energy, very calm demeanor and very sweet. This person might listen carefully to others. They're very intuitive and creative, might be an artist as well. Their mind wanders a lot and thinks out of the box. Which matches with his ideal type energy.♠︎

Channeled songs:

✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦

Okay, this is the last birthday reading!

Remember that this is based purely on the current energy and tarot! This person or Hyunjin could change in the future and we might get another answer so take this with a grain of salt.

This reading feels like a birthday gift for him for some reason.

Thank you for asking!🦇♡

[ragingstillness]

Recently caught up on the Black Butler anime and manga and it just reminded me of how much I love the series. Also made me realize that the last time I caught up was so long ago that I’ve never written any meta for it and I have things to say:

Obviously the selling point of the series and what fascinates me the most is the relationship between Sebastian and Ciel (note: NOT a romantic relationship! Relationship as in a connection between two people). They have one of my favorite kind of relationships which is one that doesn’t really fit in any typical relationship boxes. It’s too nebulous, too flexible for it. Are they father and son? No not really. Are they siblings? Definitely not although they do occasionally fight that way. Hero and sidekick? Nope. Cousins? No. Teacher and student? No, they switch those roles around too much. The closest I can get is Bodyguard and Client but even that doesn’t fit. The only right word is partners but partners in what is not clear.

There’s multiple motivations on Sebastian’s side. He’s clearly intrigued by Ciel and by humanity in general, albeit not enough to feel anything about killing them. He’s hungry, eager to eat Ciel’s soul. He’s invested in Ciel and his goals because of this. But he’s also protective of Ciel and Ciel’s mission. Somewhere along the line that change occurred and imo we see that change confirmed during the Campania arc.

Ciel returns this new understanding when he orders Sebastian to rest after fighting zombies all night and comments on having never seen Sebastian injured before. The barrier of untouchable immortality between them has come down a bit. They have always schemed together but in the arcs that follow they seem to be working more together than working alongside each other.

Above all else, my hc is that Sebastian is bored, or was bored, with the life of a demon who quickly devoured souls. And Ciel, Ciel is interesting. He doesn’t act like the humans Sebastian has eaten before and he’s entirely unafraid of him, confidently striding into his own doom. That’s a new experience for him. It’s worth enough, adds some undefined richness to Ciel’s soul, that makes it worth the wait.

Ciel’s motivations for beginning the relationship are incredibly transparent. He was in danger and he cried out for help. He was weak and needed a strong ally. He was afraid and needed a protector. Over time that grew into having duties as the Queen’s Watchdog and needing an impossible secret weapon to wield.

Ciel’s motivation to continue the relationship and the way he reacts to Sebastian is more complex. He likes being the king, likes feeling invincible, and Sebastian’s presence gives him that. But at several points during the series he is forced to stand on his own. He faces down Madam Red alone, he destroys the circus’ “Father” alone, he utilizes social engineering to ingratiate himself to the other students alone, and he has to keep both himself and Lizzie safe alone on the Campania.

Of course Sebastian joins him eventually in every one of these situations but slowly Ciel realizes that he can’t rely on Sebastian to save him 100% of the time and begins to develop skills of his own. Of course this comes to a head on the Campania when he sees Sebastian get seriously injured for the first time and has to come to terms with his invincibility being fallible. At that point he’s faced with a choice, to give in to fear and lash out at Sebastian for not being perfect or to accept the limitations and resign himself to being scared yet charge forward bravely. He stops seeing Sebastian as untouchable and while he certainly doesn’t forget that Sebastian isn’t human, he begins to treat him more as a person who is working with him towards the same goal. He even reciprocates the protectiveness a tad, in asking Sebastian to rest and also in his taunts to Ronald that “his butler could never be so weak as to lose to him” (paraphrasing).

The manga bears this pattern out, with the two of them sticking closer together than before when they go into the forest, seeking treatment together, not spending time alone, sticking close for the idol arc and partnering up for the current arc. Some of that closeness is fear, but it’s also an acknowledgement that they work better together than independently. There’s less of Ciel as a damsel in distress and more fighting together, tricking people together, discussing mysteries together.

And even still, the relationship is impossible to pin down. Partners in crime implies a similar skill level and a similar age (generalizing) which is certainly not the case here. Sebastian can do pretty much anything Ciel can, except for the things that only Ciel can do, such as leveraging his peerage and making connections based on human emotions, which Sebastian doesn’t have and doesn’t understand. The differences in age, in socialization, in levels of empathy, in species, in opinion, they are too tangled to come up with a single label and I love it.

I could gush about all the other reasons I love this series but it’s late and I have work in the morning so I’ll cut it here for now. Anyway, would love to hear people’s thoughts.

[knave-of-clubs]

The Brainworms are eating me alive so I need to talk about the Calamity Gems and their associated Traits

(Below will be a lot of probably incoherent words, spoilers for Amphibia (mostly S2), and The Brainworms. You've been warned.)

Okay okay okay, disclaimer: I'm relatively new to the Amphibia fandom, so if you read this and go, "Bro, literally everyone already knows that" then cut me some slack. That being said, I've been sitting on some of these concepts since I watched the Temple episodes a month or so ago and I'm very excited to share my madman ramblings with the class–

As y'all already know, the Temples go Wit, then Heart, then Strength, yeah yeah old news, right? Okay, here's the new parts:

Marcy, our Wit, was tested for the Trait of Wit, yes, but also the secondary Trait of Humility. Humility, as in the ability to put put aside your pride and "lower your standards", so to speak. Humility, the ability to look past your pride and connect to others. Sounding familiar?

Anne, our Heart, was tested for her Heart, but also for her sense of Responsibility. Her ability to look her mistakes in the face and say, "Yeah, those are mine." Her ability to take accountability for her actions, and to be accountable for the well-being of others. Y'all can maybe start to see where this is going?

Sasha, our Strength, was tested for her Trait of Strength, and her Trait of Persistence. Bear with me, we're stretching a little bit here. Persistence is the ability to, well, Persist. To keep going, whether there are people who believe in you or not (although it certainly helped that, in Sasha's case, people did have her back). Persistence isn't exactly near-synonymous with Wit like the other two pairs, but the two are inherently linked— that's why the First Temple had to test the Marcy's willingness to give up for the sake of others, because it's in her nature as the 'Star' of Wit to Persist No Matter What (more on that another time 'cause it's a Fun topic)

So, if y'all haven't guessed by now, I'm sure that last one made it obvious: what I'm suggesting is that each Temple tested its Star for a secondary Trait linked to the next Temple in the cycle. Put simpler— Marcy was tested for Heart in the Wit Temple, Anne was tested for Strength in the Heart Temple, and Sasha was tested for Wit in the Strength Temple. It's a circle!! (Triangle, really, but whatever)

Part of why I came to this conclusion was also because of the arcs of the Calamity Trio throughout all of that Temple business, as well as before/after it. This was the section of the story where Anne was learning to stand up for herself and bite back when people try to intimidate her into doing things she doesn't want, continuing from the S1 finale with Sasha. This was the section of the story where Marcy was being forced to acknowledge that she tends to treat people like NPCs and slowly learning how to actually form genuine connections with others in Amphibia. Sasha's a little bit harder to pin down given that she only got two episodes before showing up at the Third Temple, but we know for a fact that Sasha "Queen of Manipulation" Waybright already had Wit to an extent— I think that what we see instead in "Toadcatcher" and "Barrel's Warhammer" is her acquiring Persistence by pushing herself harder and harder in training after losing Anne and giving up greater prices for the sake of her goals (which causes her to lose Percy and Braddock). This pattern of acquisition also, interestingly enough, seems to carry through to the S3 arcs as well, and by the finale all three girls seem to each have their own full set of Traits— but I'm not gonna ramble about that, I can do that in another post.

I think I've done a decent job of explaining myself here? But I'm gonna drop some assorted thoughts to see if I can make this more cohesive, because I analyse specific word choices way too much:

Heart is a value based on connecting to people, on seeing them and being there for them and loving them come Hell or high water. It's only natural that, when looking for a true Star to represent it, you need to make sure that they have the Strength to take Responsibility for their mistakes, and that they can handle the Responsibility of protecting the people they care about.

Strength is based on brute force, on fighting tooth and nail and being a steady 'rock' someone can depend on. So, if you want to rely on someone, you need to know that they have Persistence, that they're never going to give up when they commit to something, and that they're Clever enough to find a way to succeed in their goals.

Wit is based on mind over matter, on finding creative ways past obstacles, on solving every puzzle and never giving up on their drive to know more. But if you let someone drive themself to borderline-obsession with their passion for knowledge, you need to know that they have Humility. Why Humility, you ask? Humility is considered the opposite of Pride, the quality of being grounded and humble. Humility serves an anchor for when you're too lost in the maze of puzzles, of learning about everything, of knowing more and more until the world around you starts to blur together into meaningless faces. In Amphibia (the show), Humility is mainly seen in the connections that people make with each other, the friends and family someone is willing to drop everything to protect— it's the Heart that makes them truly Human (or Amphibian)

So, I'm gonna cut myself off here before I continue on trying to endlessly justify my thoughts to an imaginary audience in increasingly irrational ways–

But! If anyone reading this— my dear non-imaginary audience that I am very grateful for— has any questions at all, even if it's just, "Bro what the hell are you on?" I'd love to hear it! Because I'd be happy to further explain anything if needed. I know there are a lot of times where I don't make much sense when rambling 😅

[sueheesblog]

I'm rewatching The Bear...... And Lord Syd really walked into fire the same day she started working at The Beef. T being a pain, the loud music, and Richie being loud like Mickey. I got some boring opinions. Let me rant n be delulu 😂🤣🤣😍

Richie saying that The Beef didn't have money problems until after Carmy showed up😬😬😱😱😱..... Knowing what I know about season 3, I see a pattern of Carmy trying to change things too fast, too soon. The Beef been running for 25 years, which means something was going right for it to last that long (we know some d.rugs money was involved lol). Richie confessed about selling from the back a few times lol.

Anyways, I say all of that to say, I think Syd was the only one who walked into Carmy's life with a plan. Carmy saw that n respected her for it. Everyone else was going with a flow that was no longer sustainable (this includes Claire). Yes, she and Carmy had a past, (well to be honest they don't even have a past. They never dated or hangout in HS) it's more like a fantasy. People grow n change..... n love interest can also change. I don't think Carmy like Claire the way he did bk then. It's life!

Carmy was happy he found someone who shared his passion, yes he wanted a business with Mikey..... but I honestly think Carmy wanted it for himself too. He's only wanted 2 things The Bear with his brother and Syd (yes, Syd). He was willing to make a complete stranger help him run his family business after 1 - 2 weeks of observing her. He made that decision with no outside influence (his family). HE WANTED SYDNEY and that want slowly turned into NEEDING HER. I'm not talking on a romantic level of want/need, but business wise she will always be his first option.

The romantic level, based on my opinion started flickering when the mere thought of her calmed him. Now, he's probably too naive to notice that he has developed romantic feelings for her and its pushing to the surface. The mere thought of her brought him peace and steady the tsunami in his mind. That is a leave of intimacy that is top tier. She touched him mentally. Carmy n Syd's conversation in the beginning of Season 2 are soo charged that they don't have to touch to sell the audience a romantic story. This is because their way of intimacy is through food, thats how they express themselves to each other. It's like talking about the menus n stuff is foreplay. It was also funny to see Carmy gave Syd the best orgasm of her life and then take it back. (This was when he said her braised short ribs was tremendous, and then decided to take it back). She like, no sir, we ain't doing that cause I'm still on cloud nine trying to come down. 😂🤣😂🤣

Carmy suspected this and he didn't want to entertained Claire (gave her the wrong number). Now, she's all tangled up in Carmy n Syd's weird mind fuck with food..... Syd feeling jealous is kinda vaild (hear me out). It's valid because all the time they spent together being mentally intimate through food...... those feelings were reciprocated. So, CARMY out here cheating on Syd.... giving all the focus she deserved and EARNED to Claire. Like, Syd should packed his shit up and put him out!

BUT, at the end of season 3 they stopped connecting through their food. It's like when married couple is so far apart that sex/intimacy longer plays a role in the relationship or it took the back burner. Days or weeks would pass and they wouldn't touch each other...... This is what Carmy n Syd are facing. Their relationship is so disconnected that intimacy is no longer on the table.

Let's see if they get a divorce or make up.

[lazyjellyfish300]

Jellyyy, I hearrr you are asking for some f/o asks from this post ~👀💌

so I come bearing some emojis! sprinkle me curious nosy! can be for either of your honey's!💗🤭😘🤗

🍄‍🟫 + 🤎 + 🕯️ annnd 💌 !

OMGG Ariel hellooo!! 💕💕💕🥰🥰🥰 I'm sorry for the delay! I've been trying to lock in with this dang kusakabe week 🥴 but now I can finally take a break and speak about my loves. 💕💕 Thank you so much for these 🥹🥹💕💕

🌷 f/o soft asks game

🍄‍🟫 does your f/o have any little quirks or habits that you find endearing? do you have any quirks or habits your f/o finds endearing?

Kento has a little cowlick near the back left side of his head he can never tame in the mornings. 💕 It's partly due to the way the hair grew back after Shibuya. It's very subtle, and I honestly didn't notice it until he pointed it out to me one day. He's very meticulous with applying sunscreen as well as the brand he buys. He strongly dislikes scented products but he'll wear cologne. He's very precise when he cooks and follows recipes to a tee. If a recipe calls for Irish butter, then we'll plan a drive to the seaside village from the farmhouse to get Irish butter. He doesn't believe in adding ingredients "to taste". He wants DIRECT measurements: tablespoon, quarter teaspoon. And if not, he WILL find out, trust. 🙂‍↕️ He can't drink coffee without something to eat. And likewise he won't let me do the same. 💕 Which I appreciate because I get so jittery ☕🥴

Kento loves my demand for too many blankets and pillows on the bed, my chaotic sleeping patterns and how my foot always needs to be touching his despite our separate sleeping positions, the way I frequently mismatch the color socks on my feet, he loves that I'm left handed and thinks the smudge of ink and pencil on my hand after my writing sessions is adorable, and how I select Yoshi without fail whenever we play Mario kart💕

The irony of how Shiu loves his car but hates to drive and grumbles about traffic. His card shuffling skills, how he complains about the price of everything but will go into debt for a fancy wheel of Brie cheese. How he treats all minor occasions like celebrations and will open a bottle of wine if I complete one of my long standing projects around our house💕 and his secret sweet tooth he doesn't want to admit to that honestly rivals mine. 💕

Shiu loves watching me get ready, the stray bobby pins I leave around the house like I'm marking my territory, my love of scented candles, how I refuse to watch any movies where an animal gets hurt, and my need to always have a little treat of some kind, usually coffee and a warm pastry. 🙂‍↕️💕

🤎 do you have any tender, domestic, and/or soft moments you've experienced with your f/o that mean a lot to you?

i love raising children with Kento and seeing how much they adore him, which makes me love him even more. I love how in the evenings after tucking the animals to sleep he'll shed his eyepatch completely and just be comfortable and free. I love how he'll just look at me, without that glimmer of doubt or self consciousness in his expression like he's finally accepted that I see all of him and adore him completely as he is. 💕

i love holding shiu in the shower and cleaning one another after a long day. Physical touch is a huge aspect of our relationship and connecting to one another through skin heals and calms me. Sometimes I'll find myself crying for no reason, like the first shower he gave me after I gave birth. Our baby was safe in the nursery and he just held me for the longest time as I let the tears fall and we rode out the emotions together. 💕

🕯️ do you wear your f/o's clothes? do they wear yours? what's your favorite piece of clothing to steal from them? what's their favorite piece of clothing to steal from you?

Yes! I steal Kento's band tees from college and have all but usurped the entire collection as my own. 🙂‍↕️💕 Kento doesn't really steal things of mine but he has adopted a more casual style because of me💕

I steal and wear Shiu's coats when I go out and about. They're so much warmer than mine and they have better pockets.🙂‍↕️ He's a good sport about it and keeps it dry cleaned in case I feel like wearing it. 💕 Shiu doesn't really steal my clothes either, but he does steal my fancy lotions and creams. 💕

💌 if your f/o wrote you a letter, what would their writing style be like? what is their handwriting like? would they use fancy stationary? maybe normal notebook paper? what about a wax seal? (if your f/o has already written you a letter (or letters!), describe what the letter was like!)

Kento has that doctor's handwriting. Cursive and narrow letters that aren't too legible. But he's so eloquent. His style of writing is very reflective of his thought process which is insightful and contemplative but maintains that pragmatic side of him that is clear and conscise. He doesn't use anything fancy when he's writing me notes from around the farmhouse, but if he's in Tokyo for longer periods of time, he'll send a sealed letter with stationary from his office.

His letters and notes are full of love and encouragement. They're like little promises while he's away but he writes like he never left. Faithful, grounding, forever unmoving in his love and his loyalty. 💕 He always closes them with some iteration of "yours."💕

Shiu's handwriting is chicken scratch in all honesty😂☠️ small and scribbly, but it's him. He's very enriched with his thoughts, both verbally and on paper. The stationary he uses is typically pretty fancy, with elaborate ball point pens and black ink. He's a master of communication and it shows with how well he knows his audience. Luckily, his audience for his letters is usually only me 💕 he usually writes them for special occasions like anniversaries and birthdays. He's always been romantic and seems to have taken notes from my romance novels. Poetic, sweet and full of devotion.💕 Despite whatever MMC I'm reading about, Shiu needs to make sure to remind me that he's the best. 💕

[lost-in-time-marie]

I find myself thinking tonight about human touch. There’s something written in the biology of a human to want touch, to need it, to be healed by it. The infants in the NICU that get held, a gentle hand placed on the head, one finger too large for them to even grasp, get better faster, grow bigger. You’d think I get some personal pleasure in making a mockery of biology the way I insist upon breaking its rules. But like so many biological behaviors and inherent drives, this too has become a twisted and corrupt thing for me.

I don’t like to be touched. I don’t remember anymore a time if I did. When some blaring catastrophic alarm wouldn’t go off under my skin at an unexpected grasp, a tap on the shoulder, a graze in passing. Even if I wanted the touch, or thought I did, if I had a crush, if I loved them, even if in a relationship with them. I would still feel the wrongness of it like a weight sinking in my chest.

I’ve learned to grow accustomed to certain touches. The familiar ones, akin to me or some effect of time and depth with me. Of course, the most difficult always remains with romantic love. There’s people I’ve loved with my whole heart and it didn’t stop the ants that live under my skin that can’t stand the feel of theirs. I’ve only known three men in ten days shy of 27 years that could touch me. That I didn’t have to bear, that I didn’t have to hide the grimacing, that didn’t cause that jarring screech to a halt. So far, I’ve lived to see two of them wither away and turn into something foul and rotten, until the skin shrinks away once more.

I can’t figure out what causes it, where the pattern is, what rules it follows. I’ve wanted to be in a loving relationship with people, but I couldn’t stand for them to touch me, and I could never grow accustomed. The three men that cause the anomaly couldn’t be more different, maybe a certain type or set of features here and there, but nothing significant. When I first meet them, there is something inherently familiar, comfortable, easy.

I’ve only met the third recently. I only met him for the first time less than a week ago. That was my worst fear, my biggest risk on this trip. I didn’t care about navigating the airports and all the flights and connections. I didn’t know if when I got there he would feel like a stranger, something foreign, something wrong. I didn’t really have a plan for what I would do if he did, maybe just pretend or run home early. I was hedging a bet, putting a lot of faith in that feeling in my chest when we would talk on the phone. It’s the first time I hear his voice and yet I’ve known this sound.

I look up to see him for the very first time in the airport. I’m staring down at my phone on purpose, because I don’t know what to do with my searching eyes, barely balancing the teeter-totter of unease and excitement inside me. He says something about finding me. I look up and I smile. And he is so familiar. I know him, I recognize him. And relief pours down in a rainfall from the crown of my head, soaking all the way to my toes. I feel self conscious, nervousness falls a blush on my cheek, but not because of a wrongness or strangeness. There’s a touch of something familiar, a curiosity at the yet unknown, excitement about all the possibility. And there is nothing wrong about it.

Funny, how that’s the part that scares me the most. I don’t know when I got so afraid to want things, not exactly anyways. But it is the first reflexive kick of my brain, the stone I turn in my pocket just for the comfort. If I don’t want it, if I don’t hope, it can’t hurt me.

~K.

[pebiejeebies]

Made her “normal” vs monster/bestial comparison!! + height comparison + color palette comparison

(This is an oc for the Objectfied comic au im making! I will explain her role soon..!)

(Adding this just in case you aren’t interested in reading my infodumping below :P I basically got a bit too excited and wrote down a lot of details abt her lol—)

The full sets of her pronouns jic: Xe/Xem/Xer/Xeirs/Xerself — She/Her/Hers/Herself

Aaand.. maybe I’ll sneak in a neopronoun :3c Cub/Cubs/Cubself

Now let’s get onto some character design study! Let’s start with her limbs!

I was going to make her limbs white, which aesthetically didn’t look nice, so instead of white limbs, I thought maybe I make it the colors OF the stripes, with the white slightly showing, and if your wondering how her limbs turn from normal to tiger.. let me demonstrate..!

That’s basically how her limbs change color, her limbs originally have dark stripes with a slightly lighter rest of the skin, depending on how much she turns into a tiger is how much the colors show!

The paws on the normal limbs are different from the tiger ones, I couldn’t make the paws the exact same color as the limbs so I made it lighter (since I didn’t show it in the reference above, I didn’t put it’s color in the palette)

Her tail completely shifts into nothing just like her fur on her neck, I thought it would be cool if I added small stripes along her neck where the fluff comes but I thought it was a little too much, since the limbs were already showing off the cool stripes, yk?

Plus, if you noticed, the more normal version of her is more awkward and shy, to the point she doesn’t even know what pose she should make! But the more she shows off her bestiality, the more confident and proud she is! Since tigers are very strong and confident, I thought it would be cool to make her lose/gain that confidence based on how normal/bestial she is!

Her claws can unsheathe, which is why I demonstrated it in the reference above btw

To disguise her stripes, she said she was just born with this “odd beauty mark pattern” which wasn’t exactly a lie, some people would fall for it, and some got suspicious but didn’t think too much about it

And uhh about my older sonas, (Fuorzy, Bookmark, and Portal) I’ll see which ones I’m gonna stick with since I think I’m losing my hype for Bookmark

And to end everything, she is one of my (favorite) sonas now, as she really shows off everything I have!

I am a white tiger therian, very VERY skinny, I have glasses (my old ones were circle glasses), freckles, I always feel confident and happy when I shift into Xue, aka my theriotype, and in reality I am a very shy and awkward person!1!

Soo.. WOAAH!! HI OBJECTIFED VERSION OF ME!! :D

I thought it would be such a perfect idea to add my theriotype in my sona because I got SO MUCH therian energy off of Dynamite! Which inspired me to make my own oc and lore and au and… yeah you get my point.. <:D (I actually shifted earlier today and yesterday after months of nothing which felt so refreshing, I thought I lost my connection for a while!)

Woah! That was a bit too much hahahahhahahaaaaaaa— uhh I hope this feeds you well! I think I got possessed by a grammar demon or something but wow I didn’t even misspell that much, I may have worded some things wrong but bear with me, it’s a struggle I deal with every day :,)

Ilysm if you are still reading this/p, I’d love any fanart of my ocs so tag me if you draw xer! <3

(Tagging @ch0cocrave, @facelessthefreak and @hollow8007 since y’all rebloged/commented on the first post <3)

[evermarch]

Hi. I love your fanfic us amongst the living. I think you really have Katniss and Peeta in character. How easy do you find writing them as in staying in character with who they are and showing how they will be different after they have gone through?

hi!! thank you so much!! i apologize in advance that this is so long. i’ve spent the last two weeks legal writing which has sucked all the joy out of words for me, so i’m starved for an ounce of creativity. please bear with me. your message means a lot, especially because the main purpose for me of writing the fic was to work on my characterization. i won’t say it’s easy, but i have my system down at this point. it’s different for katniss and for peeta (as well as the other characters), because katniss is the narrator. my approach is designed to get myself inside her head. i have two techniques i use for that.

first, i think about how she feels about whatever she’s doing and why. for example, i personally don’t hunt, and have no desire to. i’m more of an indoor person than an outdoor person, so i can’t understand the solace being out in the woods brings her. i grew up in a sunny, humid, beachy climate, so my connection to nature looks and feels entirely different.

but i do love sea glass hunting, so i focus on what it feels like to be barefoot on the beach, no noise, just the sound of seagulls and water crashing to the shore. it doesn’t matter if it’s bone-chilling cold or suffocatingly hot. to dig in the rocks or the sand for different pieces big and small, usually green or white or brown, but if i’m lucky, sometimes i’ll find a deep blue or a piece of pottery. once, i even got a little red one. the weather and terrain tell me everything i need to know about what i will find. some days are better than others. sometimes i come up empty, but other times i’m pleasantly surprised. it’s so frustrating to find a gorgeous piece and have it slip between my fingers. it’s worth it, though, because of the quiet moments i get to spend with a friend, the love of my life, or even alone, with just the seagulls as company. using that as my base, it’s easy to convert my experiences into katniss’.

the second thing i do is to process the story in katniss’ voice. this tactic is a lot more practical. i love audiobooks, and i must have listened to tatiana’s reading of the trilogy about a thousand times by now. katniss’ voice is very, very clear in my head. so if the dialogue i’m writing for her doesn’t sound right in her voice, she shouldn’t be saying it.

i relate to peeta more palpably, possibly because the struggles he faced through his childhood are a lot more comprehensible to me. we share some talents, but just as many flaws. and because we don’t know the post-hijacking peeta, i feel a lot more free to characterize him as the boy i fell in love with when i was a little girl reading the books for the first time. except, all grown up. so he looks and sounds like my fiancé, really.

but, as you indicated, keeping them true to the characters we know and love as they change adds its own challenges. so i spend a lot of time thinking through each of their actions in the trilogy. i put myself in their positions and see how my gut tells me i would react, and think about what makes me different and what makes me the same. the more i get to know why they act the way they do, the more i can draw on how they’ve acted in the past. in the end, it’s just pattern recognition, with a little deference to the human condition known as hypocrisy.

at first, it was pretty easy. the pattern was so clear to me by the time i sat down to write. but the further i got into my story, the harder it was to hear their voices. and i realized it’s because i’m no longer simply continuing the patterns from suzanne’s writing. i’m pulling from my own now, too. and that means trusting the patterns i’ve created. which is a lot easier said than done.

the last thing i’ll say in this response which is likely about eight times the length of what you expected (but if you like my writing you know brevity is not my strong suit) is that after i took a break of several months, i went back to the trilogy and reread. when i finished reading the hunger games, i texted a friend about how wrong i’d gotten katniss. she assured me it wasn’t true and i kept reading, convinced i messed it all up. but by the time i finished mockingjay and started my reread of uatl, i understood once again why i’d written what i wrote. i pondered every single character choice i made, and agreed with the logic for almost all of them. and it’s because katniss grew a lot in three books. 16 year old katniss is astoundingly different from 17 year old katniss. so 18 year old katniss, will be, too.

[that-dragon-lady]

Dragonself post!!

This is probably a post I will update often, so bear with me. But consider this a little journal for reference of how I feel my dragon form is.

I don't 'see' myself the way I've heard other dragons say they see their dragon forms. For me, my conclusions are drawn from just... feelings. Things I feel are right, and have felt recurringly and/or for a long time. Some elements of my appearance are things I've felt going back to being a child. Others are things that I've grown into over time.

Basics

- I am a western/welsh style dragon; four legs and two wings, fully covered in scales, arrowhead (or perhaps more spade-shaped?) tail tip

- Magically inclined. Couldn't tell you how exactly, I just feel connected to magic somehow. This feeling has often felt tied to emotion, and I often lean into healing and light-based magics when given the choice (e.g. in ttrpgs)

- My scales are largely silver I believe. I have a pair of recurved horns, and those and my talons I think are a darker grey or purple-grey

- I have feathers! On my head and down my spine, and on my forelegs. Perhaps other places too

- my wings are membranous BUT with rows of feathers on the top half/leading edges

Visuals (with notes)

Probably my closest representation, this is a piece done by a close friend of mine for myself and my partner. Physically this is very much my structure, limb- and body-wise especially. My tail is a little different (arrow/spade-head, maybe shorter?), and my wings too (partially feathered, bigger). I also have ears not pictured here, and more feathers, but regardless, I adore this. The little feathers along my spine here are my favourite.

Made with Monster Brain Soup's dragon builder! I love this one, it feels like a good 'cartoony' version of myself, and has FOOT BEANS! The foreleg feathers are great here, as are the ears! The tail tip I'm not sure on, I don't feel it's quite right, but it's close. Not certain of the colours really but they're definitely in the ballpark.

This is one done through Flight Rising. I feel a lot of similarities with the Skydancer breed. The plant-based diet, empathy magic, enjoyment of flying, and ESPECIALLY the part-feathered part-membranous wings.

Structurally I am much less dainty. Aforementioned horns, arrowhead tail, ears all apply. The fur here is feathers on me, and I lack antennae. My scales are pointed not rounded, and my belly is scales, not fur. My wing fingers don't narrow like this either; my wing membrane remains wide finger to finger. I'm not 100% on the belly colour, but I'm sure there's blue in there somewhere.

The beaky snout is a good shape, but not wide enough. Again, too dainty. I'm comfy with (if not fully sure of) the side horns. And although I said no antennae, I DO feel I have the forehead gem. A pearl in my case. This is one of the things I've felt the longest, so much so that I can't recall when I first pictured it.

One thing I ADORE here in addition to the feathers is the colouration. The silver and purple. The purple feathers are something I have felt I've had since my teen years, and the constellation patterns and stars... it's hard to explain. But they feel like they belong there, on the undersides of my wings. So that is special. The darker swirly patterns under the stars, not so much. I don't have those. But the stars and constellation markings, yes.

This one mostly has a few elements I feel, rather than the whole picture. The ears and eye ridge are very close to accurate, and the shape of the belly scales are pretty perfect! The purple-tipped scales I'm uncertain on; I think they're something I just like aesthetically in this case. I also like the snout shape of this one quite a lot.

This is another I absolutely adore, big thanks to @melissa-titanium from the dragonkin group for this one! Saphira from Eragon has long been a dragon I've felt represented by; her head shape and feathers always felt very 'me,' so that formed the basis for this sketch of my dragonself. And my ears are here!! Lots of love for this one 💜