#beatrice x lemony

[the-nonsense-is-mine]

The beginning of a Beatrice-centric take on the opera night.

[futurequeenofravka]

lemony and beatrice are so midnight rain coded

[laurrelise]

currently fucking sobbing over lemony snicket quotes in the context of five and delores

lemony snicket what is wrong with you. do me a favor and stop writing the most devastatingly beautiful love poems to ever exist on god’s green goddamn earth

[cube-e-scape]

"I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong." - Lemony Snicket

[notfernintheslighest]

another toxic yuri classic

[beatricebidelaire]

sorry for not shutting up about this. but if one interprets it from the angle of lost letters, mails lemony sent to beatrice never reaching beatrice (or at least, not soon enough) is the reason she thought he was dead (perhaps due to what dp printed, and not receiving letters from lemony to counter that) (though later she may have found out) and is the reason she stopped waiting and moved on and got married, if one views it as lemony's correspondences never reaching beatrice, which eventually led to her marriage to bertrand ...... letters never reaching the receiver which led to a marriage with someone else ............ jacques's letter never reaching jerome and he went on and marry esme .................... something about this parallel is that, jacques told lemony not to contact beatrice, jacques forbid lemony from contacting beatrice, by any means, like i'm not saying that jacques sabotaged the letter delivery and never delivered the letter to beatrice when he promised his brother he would, or something like that, that's too much of an assumption and not enough facts, so i'm not going to go with that, but just from a higher level, we do know J did not want L to contact B, this part we knew from J's own letter to L, so he could possibly be seen as indirectly contributing to this end result.

and then some time later (months or years or over a decade, take your pick) he sends his letter to jerome.

jerome does not receive the letter.

jerome marries esme.

[laura-dns]

A sad story of an unfortunate love... 💔❤️‍🩹

[noodle-the-queen]

listening to champagne problems and violently sobbing bc it's SO Lemony and Beatrice and SOO Jo and Laurie and SOO Rory and Logan

[greenisnotpretty]

beatrice letters and Edward Teach? yes.

-

i can't make gif don't know if y'all noticed

[volunteerfelinedetectives]

Finally got round to watching Goncharov, Katya and Sofia have some serious Beatrice x Kit vibes in my opinion.

[library-child]

I am spinning the idea of Lemony and Pseudonymous raising Beatrice || BUT they are very conflicted ad to if they should teach her to lie (when necessary) or not to lie ever (you know. Being responsible parents).

Well, Lemony does have a history of lying through his teeth, so he'll probably encourage Beatrice to do so if it seems preferable. Besides, he grew up in an environment where everyone was constantly lying to each other. Pseudonymous will try to put a stop to it.

But honestly, their main parenting issue will be the amount of chocolate Beatrice gets to consume.

[the-nonsense-is-mine]

He looks down into his own slowly-melting root beer float. He’s painfully aware of what this is - the corner table in the hotel lobby, the drinks from the diner down the street, the earrings Beatrice is wearing and the jazz music in her car - it’s a perfect imitation of her dates with Lemony. Beatrice knows it. Bertrand knows it. He had been thinking about it a lot, in the days since Beatrice had approached him. 

He had thought about it when she suggested the plan, when he had gotten dressed that morning, when he had sat down in her passenger seat and politely ignored her red eyes. He had specifically avoided the proper clothes Lemony preferred, settling instead on a short-sleeved shirt and lighter colors, but the socks he’s wearing are an old birthday gift from Lemony. Beatrice’s earrings are too, and it’s both odd and comforting to imagine Lemony haunting this date, sitting between them with his own root beer float in hand. 

---

A dynamic that is rapidly taking up space in my head

[featheryfoxes]

So um I am rewatching A Series of Unfortunate Events and omg Lemony/Beatrice/Bertarnd has my whole heart and well I love making OCS and tragic stories even more of a painful time.

I'm play loose with Netflix, Movie and Book cannon for my time.

So I made a fourth Baudelaire child. Though the parents don't know she's alive because *gestures at VFD shenanigans* she's mostly referred to as Finch. I haven't gotten her actual name yet.

She two years older than Violet and is biologically Lemony and Beatrice's daughter similar to Violet. So um have so dress up game pics of my idea for her

[cannedpickledpeaches]

Sad Poems but I Choose to Interpret Them as Happy

Jade Leech x Reader

“I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as the starfish loves a coral reef and as kudzu loves trees, even if the oceans turn to sawdust and the trees fall in the forest without anyone around to hear them . . . . I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat, and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms. I will love you as a drawer loves a secret compartment, and as a secret compartment loves a secret, and as a secret loves to make a person gasp . . . I will love you until all such compartments are discovered and opened, and all the secrets have gone gasping into the world.” -Excerpt from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket

Jade is not as fickle as his brother, but he too is guilty of interests that come and go like the wind. There are some that stay, like hiking, foraging, and photography; but there are far more that he drops as soon as he’s figured them out. More often than not, his love is not long-lasting.

He has long accepted that any romantic relationship he finds himself in would have a very slim chance of being normal. Healthy. No, his love will likely destroy his partner, whether it is because of obsession or of fleeting interest. He thinks it wouldn’t be so bad to experience it. It would be interesting, a deviation from his norm.

You’re his target, but only because you made such a fascinating proposition. When you’re bored of me, tell me immediately, and we can break up with no hard feelings. Were you such a pragmatic person? He hadn’t noticed before. It spurs him on to know more, to learn everything about you. And once he does, once every single secret you could possibly hide is laid bare before him, he’ll lose interest like he always does and drop you like a bad habit.

So he does. Your favourite food. Colour. Season. The basic things, until they get more specific. The way you do your hair in the mornings. The recipes you favour and the ratio of their ingredients. Your reactions to his occasional unhinged comment. The shows that you laugh or cry at. The ones you think are mediocre. He files them all away in his memory, picking you apart like you’re a subject to study. That’s what he tells himself, anyway. Mild interest. Once he finds out everything, he’ll grow bored and leave.

Days turn to months turn to a year. Has so much time really passed? The secrets you hold have dwindled in number. He knows you inside out, top to bottom, soul to body. There’s only one thing left that he doesn’t know.

You often tease him, asking why he won’t bring you to the Coral Sea. He always gives some shoddy excuse or the other. He isn’t so sure, himself. There’s no real reason to stall. The ice floes have retreated. His parents would be delighted. He would finally know how you’d act in his hometown, in the dark, deep sea that is so different from your home, and with that, he would finally drop you. There will be nothing new.

Unfortunately, I find myself quite busy recently. Perhaps next month. When next month comes around, he pushes it another thirty days. Then another. He was never one to procrastinate, so why now? This is far from efficient. Was he such a cowardly person? He hadn’t known before. He needs to get it done so that he will no longer have a reason to keep you by his side—

Ah. That is the issue, isn’t it?

He doesn’t know how long he’d been in love. All he knows is that he can’t get bored anymore, even if the smile you give him is the same, even if your laughter that warms his chest is unchanging, even if he brings you home. All he knows is that as much as he thought his love would be destructive, he treasures your comfort and happiness too much to think about hurting you anymore. The deadline no longer lies where your last secret is. Forever, until the seas dry up, until he breaths his last gasp—he will love you forever.

[jessaerys]

"But I finished [Near and Mello] together as a set, and although they aren’t particularly laid out as such, I still feel a bit like they’re twins." —Obata Takeshi

whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same:

i. low sky, mahmoud darwish. ii. the world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire, ritika jyala. iii. kadan, 2008. iv. the dreamers, gilbert adair. v. @nathanielorion vi. nagiko, 2016. vii. elektra, sophokles (tr. anne carson). viii. wishbone, richard siken. ix. inbred, ethel cain. x. the boy who, tirol. xi. monster portraits, del samatar and sofia samatar. xii. in the field, @nathanielorion xiii. death note, "use" ch77. xiv. gut symmetries, jeanette winterson. xv. mystic union; fire and wine: poems, john gould fletcher. xvi. @inukai_0055, twitter. xvii. the carnivorous lamb, agustín gómez-arcos. xviii. my sister, the serial killer, oyinkan braithwaite. xix. the beatrice letters, lemony snicket (text); a quiet visitor, holly warburton (art); @unpardonablesins (edit). xx. ada, vladimir nabokov. xxi. this is how you lose the time war, amal el-mohtar. xxii. the borgias, s3e10, showtime. xxiii. @antaarf xxiv. @vilicity xxv. @boymiffy

[agaypanic]

Hey could I request a klaus x reader where the reader is around his age and works for VFD (as a singer for her cover but is actually someone who charms people for information yk) but is like super lonely because all their attention isnt really/longterm but klaus and the reader fall in love anyway ( also if you could add him confessing at like a masquerade ball but the reader almost gets killed by count olaf kinda like the lemony and Beatrice flashback ) sorry for the long and specific request

The Siren and The Bookworm (Klaus Baudelaire X Reader)

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Summary: As a siren, all the attention you received was fake or short lived. But your new partner proves to be an outlier.

A/N: Klaus and reader have been working for the VFD for a few years, so they’re in their early twenties. Count Olaf didn’t die at the end of the series. Klaus confesses after the ball instead of during it. Also based off of the ball scene from Cruella. One more also, this is my last ASOUE fic!!! So I hope you enjoy

***

It felt simple, almost fun working for the VFD. Given your unique ability, you did much of your work and investigation at parties. You were a singer, but you had a certain charisma that made you able to get anyone to tell you anything. You loved it; the attention, the trust. 

But it never lasted. It was always temporary. When you were done getting the information you needed, you’d move on, and the person you had talked to would forget all about you and your conversations. But at least you always had the stage to return to, your one constant.

Although it felt easy, VFD work was sometimes dangerous. So, after a few minor incidents of being followed or getting found out, the VFD assigned you a partner to accompany you on missions and such. His name was Klaus Baudelaire, the son of the late VFD alumni Bertrand and Beatrice Baudelaire. A lot of the time, when you were undercover, he acted as your bodyguard. This amused you because he was better at reading about defensive strategy than practicing it. But it was still nice to have his company. 

You were first assigned to each other a few months ago. It was strange to form an actual relationship with someone. But after some time, you two became best friends despite your differences. The characters you portrayed accurately depicted your true selves in a way. You were known as The Siren, where being charming and open was just as important as your voice when you were put in front of the microphone. And when Klaus joined the VFD, he was lovingly nicknamed The Bookworm, for his mind was like an endless library that constantly desired to be filled.

You knew you shouldn’t get close. Eventually, he’d be like everyone else, a distant memory. But knowing that didn’t stop you from falling.

You were getting ready in your hotel room when Klaus came in. He was practically itching to leave, because this mission was especially important to him. The VFD had heard whispers of someone who was finally seen after years of hiding. And after years of attempts, he was seen in the limelight. Klaus knew this man all too well, and because of his stories, it felt like you knew him just as personally.

Count Olaf was now known as a talented and famous theater actor, instead of a murderer, kidnapper, and child endangerer. You don’t know how he did it. From Klaus’ stories, Count Olaf seemed to completely lack any sort of talent beyond fooling foolish adults with disguises. You and Klaus couldn’t understand why people were so favorable to him now, but you guessed that it had something to do with the fame and people having their opinion of someone so easily swayed.

The VFD wanted Count Olaf put away once and for all, which was why you were getting ready to go to a press event in his honor and why Klaus was practically about to push you out of your chair and into the car.

“Y/n, please hurry. The car’s here.” You couldn’t blame Klaus for his excitement. He had been wanting revenge on Count Olaf since he was first placed in his care. And although Klaus wasn’t a violent person, he was itching for justice to be served in any sense possible.

“I’m almost done, Klaus, I promise.” You sighed, applying a final touch of lipstick before standing from your chair. As you moved, you felt your dress was looser than it should’ve been and realized it wasn’t zipped. “Klaus, can you zip me up?”

“Uh, yeah.” If you were paying closer attention, you would’ve seen that he had a harsh blush on his cheeks and was about to choke on his spit when he answered you. But you were too focused on the tasks ahead of you. He zipped your dress up, being gentle in a way like he was almost scared to touch you. But you didn’t comment on it. “Ready?” You turned to see an outstretched hand. You took it, and the two of you made your way down to the car provided by the VFD.

“You remember the plan?” You asked as the driver took you to your destination. You fiddled with the ring on your pinky as you thought about it. This was probably the most risky mission you had participated in in all your years working for the VFD.

“Yes.” Of course, Klaus remembered the plan; he remembered everything. “And you’ll be okay.” He grabbed your hand and squeezed it tightly to emphasize what he had said. It wasn’t a question; it was a statement. A fact. Even though what’s supposed to happen hasn’t happened yet, Klaus believed that everything would work out perfectly. Despite the series of unfortunate events that he had to endure in his child, he was such an optimist at times. 

“I’ll be okay.” You repeated after him. If you said it enough times, it was sure to be true.

Count Olaf resided in a mansion on a cliff. The drive to the estate was long, and the view was incredible from any part of the property you stood on. Clearly, he was doing well for himself.

When the driver stopped in front of the mansion, littered with guests coming in and hanging around the entrance, Klaus stepped out first before reaching for your hand to help you out of the car. Immediately there were murmurs and gasps as the lights touched your face. It was funny how your undercover persona was more known than the person you actually were. It seemed very counterintuitive. Count Olaf’s doorman greeted you and Klaus when you reached the doors.

“Ms. Hent, it’s such an honor. The Count will be most pleased by your arrival.” He smiled at you and then glanced at your partner. “And this is?”

“This is my bodyguard, and plus one. I don’t go anywhere without him.” You grinned, signaling for Klaus to introduce himself.

“Hembro Kotow, how do you do?” It was Klaus’ idea to use anagrams to form your identities. And it was your idea to use your nicknames for each other to turn into anagrams because if someone could unscramble your fake names, they still wouldn’t know your real ones. So you, The Siren, were also Ires Hent. And Klaus the Bookworm was Hembro Kotow. Klaus felt somewhat ashamed about the idea because he had gotten it from Count Olaf and his antics from when he’d chase him and his siblings around for their fortune. He hated that he had learned something actually useful from the crazed lunatic.

Before you knew it, you were on the stage in the main room, because of course Count Olaf would have a stage in his house. As you sang, you scanned the crowd to find your host. Everyone was masked because Count Olaf seemed to love secret identities. You and Klaus didn’t participate in the masquerade part of the ball, because the vital part of your undercover work was to be seen.

After a few songs, you found him chatting it up with a guest by the doors that lead to the back courtyard. As you sang the final note, the crowd turned their attention to you and started to applaud, Count Olaf being one of them. He smirked, and although you were disgusted, this was part of the plan. You nodded to Klaus, and he accompanied you on your journey through the sea of people.

“I’ll give you five minutes with him before I send everyone out,” Klaus whispered, hand pressed to the small of your back to guide you. “And I’m being very gracious by giving you that much time.”

“Five minutes is all I need.” You whispered back. “And stop worrying; I’ll be okay.”

“You’ll be okay.” He repeated softly.

“Count Olaf, it’s such a pleasure to finally meet you.” You gave a sweet smile to the man when you finally reached him. He immediately brushed off whoever he previously talked to and focused on you. He grabbed your hand, and you pretended to be delighted when he kissed the back of it.

“Believe me, Ires Hent, the pleasure is all mine.”

“This is such a beautiful home. Absolutely magnificent.” 

“Perhaps you’d like to see more of it?”

“I’d love to.” You linked your arm with his and gave Klaus a nod that said, ‘I’ll be right back, don’t follow me,’ and although this was all part of the plan, he wished he didn’t have to leave you alone with Count Olaf. “Could we see the ocean first?”

“Of course.” Count Olaf led you out of the mansion, and the two of you walked through the courtyard to get to the edge of the cliff that was fenced off by cobblestone structures. “Who was that man you’re with? He seemed familiar.”

You tried not to panic. After all, Count Olaf hadn’t seen Klaus in years, and he had grown up and matured a lot since their last meeting. Or at least you hoped. 

“Oh, just my bodyguard, Hembro. He came from Canada a few months ago.”

“So why isn’t he here now, guarding you?”

“I don’t necessarily think you’re someone I should be guarded from.” There was a flirtatious tone in your voice, even though you wished nothing more than to be away from this man. Count Olaf smirked, and soon, you two were looking out at the sea. “This view is absolutely marvelous.”

“It really is.” Count Olaf sighed, glancing at you. You caught it and had to play along. 

“Very handsome.” You said, turning to lean against the fencing while facing him. You played with the lapel of his suit jacket, wishing it was someone else’s. It was bad enough that he was so much older than you, but the fact that you knew of all the things he had done, especially towards someone you care so deeply about? It made you sick to your stomach. You hated having to act so pleasantly toward a monster. But it would all be over soon. He gripped your hips to pull you closer. “You wanna know a secret?”

“Oh, how I love secrets.” You leaned forward to put your mouth to his ear. In the distance, you saw Klaus talking to different groups of people inside, gesturing to the courtyard. Slowly but surely, they started gathering outside.

“Well, this is a good one.” You took a deep breath, preparing yourself for the inevitable. “The VFD found you, and they’re ready to put you away for everything that everyone else had forgotten about.”

“What?” He hissed, squeezing you tighter. You tried not to grimace from the slight pain. You had to stay strong and confident. “Who the hell are you, and what do you know about the VFD?” You decided to not answer that question.

“I guess it was a mistake to chase the spotlight, Count Olaf. Now the only light you’ll be seeing is from a jail cell.” He turned you around quickly, pushing your body against the stone barrier. 

“I don’t think so, Darling.” He said with a sick grin. You gulped. “I think it’s time for you to see what you wanted to see.”

“Which is?” You asked, trying to wiggle your way out of his grip.

“The ocean.” His grip was soon off your body, and you were free-falling off the side of the cliff. The last thing you heard was gasps of horror before your plummet took you too far down to see or hear anything else.

Count Olaf turned around, shocked for once that he had an audience. His guests looked at their host in horror, murmuring about how they just watched the Count push the famous Siren off his cliff.

“What?” He glanced back, realizing what they had seen. “She jumped. Everyone, I know how distressing this must seem. But Ms. Hent was deranged, threatening to take me with her.” He was putting on the performance of a lifetime, but it wasn’t to convince the audience this time. “She jumped.”

But they didn’t believe him. Soon, the police (who were secretly VFD agents) came and arrested Count Olaf for the murder of Ires Hent. He screamed as he was being dragged off, talking about how it wasn’t what it looked like and how he was innocent.

Klaus sighed as he walked to the car that had returned to pick him up. He prayed you were okay, even though he knew you were. After all, this was all part of the plan.

Knowing the layout of Count Olaf’s party and his murderous tendencies, the VFD had fashioned you a gown that was both expensive looking and practical for getting thrown at sea to your death in. The skirt’s volume hid the fact that it could also be used as a parachute. You were able to guide yourself into the water, close enough to the shore that you wouldn’t risk getting pulled back into the sea. You insisted to the VFD (more Klaus than anyone else) that you could make your way back to the hotel on your own, and to not send a car for you to avoid the risk of drawing attention. Using VFD tunnels beneath the city, you secretly made it to the hotel. When you opened the door to your room, you were squeezed and lifted in the air.

“Oh, thank God.” Klaus sighed, keeping you close to him as he rested his head against yours. “I knew you’d be okay, but then the minutes kept passing, and I kept thinking the worst.”

“I’m okay.” You combed your fingers through his hair which seemed to help calm him. You pulled him away from nuzzling further into you to press your forehead to his. “We’re both okay.”

“We’re okay.” He repeated, still refusing to let you go. He needed the comfort of knowing you were still alive, and you’d be a fool to deny both him and yourself that. He put a hand on the side of your face, stroking your cheekbone with his thumb. He pulled away just enough to look at you. It was like he wanted to say something, ask you something. But he didn’t know how.

Even though he was the Bookworm, you knew how to read him. “Please.” The simple word drove him forward, pressing his lips to yours and pulling you as close to his body as physically possible. The kiss had so many unsaid words: ‘Thank God you didn’t die,’ ‘I’ve been in love with you for quite some time,’ ‘Never do something so crazy and risky like that again because I can’t lose you.’ Yet none of the words had to be said. Deep down, you had both known for a while. It just needed almost dying to confirm it all.