#because i don't trust empty blogs and i really don't have the time to sort out who's real or not right now

[pokimoko]

I have had it with these motherfucking spam bots on this motherfucking site.

[sgiandubh]

Hello how are you? I follow several shippers' blogs and I noticed that every now and then some bloggers publish hateful messages they received. My question is about mental health: how do you deal with it? I understand that your presence here is relatively recent, but have you ever regretted something?

Dear Mental Health Anon,

This is the kind of submissions I welcome with all my heart, because they are benevolent and witty. Forgive me already for what I suspect will be a long answer. It is not the pleasure of hearing me talk that prompts them, but the sincere intention to answer deserving asks as clearly, fully and honestly as I can.

The short answer is : I am fine, Fall is slowly coming and nights are starting to be really chilly. There's some light rain tapping on the roof of my flat and I will spend my week-end wandering around some of my favorite places on Earth. And now, onwards to the consistent and interesting ask of yours...

The worst trolling message I have ever seen in this fandom is the one I am immediately going to post below, because I think it should serve us all as warning and reminder. It was posted on a blog I have been reading from the beginning of my long lurking days on Tumblr: @cb4tb is one of the most balanced and articulate people in this corner of the Internet. I remember being shocked by its cold and very coherent violence. The feat of a casebook sociopath, who thinks her asks in Spanish (I am 200% certain about it) and who has an appalling command of English grammar. Written on Christmas' Eve and on purpose:

Compared to the alarming slander @cb4tb got (whatever for is a mystery, she is non conflictual and posts very witty business insights) on a day that should be completely taboo for every civilized human being (you don't need to believe in God to respect one of Christianity's most important celebrations), whatever hate I could get in here is definitely subpar. Most of it did not make it on my page and went straight to the bin. But it's not always easy: I am as human as you, Anon, and sometimes I feel personally insulted and revolted by the smugness and pettiness of it all. However, I must immediately add their hate never made me give up an inch of my convictions. They are the result of a long interval of watching and pondering, coupled with my own observations I gladly share with like-minded women all around the world. That often hits a nerve or bruises overinflated egos on the Other Side. So be it: I am not here to be meek and obedient, if I never was meek and obedient in real life. I am here to bring clarity and build trust, which incidentally resonates very closely to what I do for a living. That probably rates me as a moderate on the shipper spectrum, in the sense that by complete design I put aside some divisive topics I firmly chose not to discuss. I am not interested to bring attention on me, in here, and the least thing I'd like is to be a vector of discord. So that would also rate me as a peacemaker of sorts - and yes, that sounds perhaps pretentious, but I believe it is needed, especially now.

I only felt a clear intention to threaten me twice, both in DM. The first time it curiously came from one extreme fringe of the shipper community and I brushed it off, because it was an empty, almost ridiculous threat. I politely denied and that was it - two persons blocked me and there were no other consequences to it. The second time, an anti came to confront me on an irrelevant point, with a very aggressive undertone. I blocked and almost forgot about it. If you have it clear enough in your mind that such things cannot be avoided and, at the same time, you know that your own moral compass is not compromised, these details will not affect you. At all. I confidently promise you that. Last but not least: if you are not great with compartmentalizing, don't step in the arena. It can seriously ruffle your self-esteem and it's not worth it.

So this is how I deal with it: I focus on what I have to say (does it bring something new? interesting? positive? thought-provoking?), on the way of saying it (above all, be kind and gracious to every other shipper) and on the right moment to say it (only when I am honestly sure I can do it with no unwanted consequences). But I will stand in solidarity with any shipper (any single one of them) who is humiliated, belittled or disparaged, with not a single shred of fear in the world. And I would also fend for myself if necessary, if I am getting over-the-top slander: all the other yapping, I ignore. Sometimes (often, even) it's more interesting to watch.

And if anything else fails, I go for a long drive and have a coffee at the seaside or simply open a book or listen to some Bach or call Someone. Or take this little big guy out for a lazy walk in the park:

You ask me if I regret anything. Absolutely not. I have received more than I could ever give, in here. I have met spectacular women and men, I have grown very fond of and feel very close to. I have had the immense satisfaction of sharing their secrets, their worries, their plans and this means trust, in my book, for which I will never tire saying how grateful I am. I also strived to respond in kind and I mean to honor this unwritten contract. Last but not least, I have watched this community slowly dusting off months of sadness and perhaps starting to open up again.

And all of this makes me damn proud of who we are, Anon. Thank you for dropping by! You are always welcome on my page.

[hazyaltcare]

Can we get some positivity? (This is also kind of a confession of sorts, about feeling like an imposter/attention seeker for not having the typical dissociative disorder/system experience)

We're a system that almost never uses we, or thinks of ourselves as a system. We think of ourselves more like a fusion from steven universe, one person most of the time, and multiple people when we need to be. We just feel really insecure in our plurality and identity as a system.

We like thinking of ourselves as one person, it helps us feel and be more functional. We like being referred to by the body's name, most of us identify with the body in some way, shape, or form. We feel like we're faking it by not hating the body and liking being treated as one person.

We feel like we aren't a system because our disorder only causes mild distress, not the horrible experience most systems seem to have with it.

We also feel insecure about our innerworld. It looks like the control panel/riley's innerworld from inside out, and it makes us feel like we're faking it. We feel like we embody stereotypes way too much, so much so that we feel like we made up being a system for attention; even though we're only open about it to 4 people.

(Sorry for the multiple topics/disjointed subject matter, we had a lot we needed to get out)

You can. Thank you for your confession - we're proud of you for coming to us with this.

Impostor syndrome is a hellish companion. When there's a narrative on how to be plural the right way, it rears its head, and your feelings are very valid - but we believe you won't be defeated by it.

Sometimes, if we need to defeat our own insecurity that stems from external sources, we ask ourselves: Who made that narrative? The medical complex, or maybe the most popular plural blogs. Who does it benefit? Not you, Anon, and not people in the fringes like non-disordered systems, not spiritual systems, not soulbonders or tulpamancers or muses, not systems whose members have wildly differing opinions. It doesn't benefit individual systems - it's an (over)simplification of a complex, multi-layered experience that spans a long history.

And narratives are just that: narratives. They do not account for the diversity in the plural spectrum. There are medians who feel more like facets or AU versions of one person, and empty systems who are alone but can or want to be plural in the future, and polyplexes with multiple systems in one body... those narratives don't define people, and it shouldn't.

You're more than a narrative. You're a person, and you're allowed to be complicated and messy and not fit the mold. You can be whatever you want, and you should be whatever/whomever feels most comfortable to you. Because no, you're not "making it up for attention" - you're plural for yourself! You're not faking for being different, from being yourself. You're allowed to like the body and identify with it.

(Besides, wanting attention is not a bad thing. It's a need that should be fulfilled, and we're glad you have those 4 people you trust with your true self.

Moreover, if you just want the attention, I think you'd probably be get more "positive" attention from following the narrative, and you're certainly not doing that, from what I know about your system's uniqueness.)

Also, jumping off from the fact that plurality is a spectrum, many systems do identify as a single person in parts, or as a fusion, like you. It's a good way to be. You're allowed to exist, and should be allowed to live without judgment. You can slide from being One to Many as needed - plurality also fulfills an adaptive need sometimes, and it's good that you work this way.

Speaking of "adaptation"... your disorder being "lighter than others" is part of the fact that your plurality, the way you are, works for you. And we reiterate: you do not have to follow the narrative that all plurals, particularly those with a dissociative disorder, are suffering, hate themselves, can't be functional, hate being plural, etc..

You don't have to be or perform suffering for your system or your disorder to matter.

Your inner world being based on a cartoon doesn't make it fake, either - I've heard of Star Trek cockpit headspaces, for example - being "stereotypical" does not undo your existence. Having interests that are reflected in your inner world isn't a shameful thing.

You're not hurting anyone by being yourself/ves. You're not hurting yourselves by it, too, you say you function better this way. What right do other people have to tell you that you're doing it wrong? They don't know what's going on in your head, and they should not presume jack shit.

I hope this helps at least a little. Please take care of yourself/ves.

Mod Vintage (⭕ & AC)

[pan-magi]

Heads up that I won't have much to post for a while. I'm moving! Back home for a bit while I'm figuring stuff out (like not being broke). Before, when I mentioned my slow activity I left for a few years. Don't worry, I'm not planning on doing that. I have a backlog of... shitpost ideas, which I will post when I have time. If I have the sudden urge and energy to get some of my longer text posts done then I'll try to do them. Any edits and gifs though will be on the back burner for a while.

(That's the gist of it. If you want a mental health discussion and my general thought process on tumblr, read more if curious. It's more of the vein of "tumblr is an addictive website for me" than "this site is destructive and damning." jsyk)

I know I have it in my blog description that the blog is semi-archived. I have been doing my best though to at least post somewhat regularly. The rate for posting may not be fast per number of posts but for me working on them it is very time and energy consuming (yay executive dysfunction and undiagnosed ADHD woo). It doesn't help either not using Photoshop anymore making gifs is lot less streamlined (get all my necessary screenshots frame by frame and organize them -> edit each individually -> put them together with final edits to make a gif. All in 3 separate programs). My wallet appreciates the decision at least.

The thing is I put that in the description not for the lack of time I have to do stuff but the opposite. I have a lot of empty time to fill. Tumblr is one of the few social media sites I actually use and even with the ability to curate your dash (maybe in part because of it), it is easy for tumblr to be addictive without noticing it. That's with me not bothering with the app. I do check a lot with the mobile browser though. I knew with my attention span and how I tend to do or not get things done that being consistently active would not be the best for me personally. Not bad, per say, but not great.

I love you all. It's been great to see a few of my older followers still interact with my posts from time to time. It's nice to see new ones and the Magi fandom in general getting new people coming in, maybe just for the tumblr side or maybe new altogether, when the series has been complete for years. When I say tumblr is not good for me, I don't mean you. Lots of love for everyone /platonically, my aroace ass wants to clarify and add on a giant thank you for no aphobic hate by anyone here either. I would not have trusted to come out on tumblr even if I had my identity figured out when I was active before.

I do want to keep people satisfied. Analytics shouldn't matter on this hellsite, and they don't, not really. I don't care about what the number is but seeing any notes on my posts is a quick dopamine rush. "Yay, I made someone smile." If I have a free moment, I'm like "I should check tumblr," or "I should work on post for blog." I enjoy what I make and enjoy doing it. However, it's become more attempting to be active and getting something out there despite saying I will manage juggling all sorts of different stuff better. I'm not doing other recreational stuff I want to do. I'm behind on games, movies, books, creative shit outside of tumblr, watching Magi for at least the fifth time... If I have a free moment I'm "work on tumblr post."

It's dumb. I should be able to manage shit better. Again, ADHD. Or maybe it's something else. IDFK.

All this to say that I'm taking the excuse of moving to force myself out of the tumblr sphere. I won't have the time or energy to get larger time-consuming posts done. I might as well focus on something else when I have the opportunity.

I am not planning on disappearing. I do like it here. Stayed too long at the spa though and need to get out and get cool, fresh air. I have short, borderline/actual shitposts I want to get done, as mentioned up top. One may be up in the next week. Who knows though? I don't. What I do know is that if I post something over the summer it will be because it is something I want to get done, when I want it to get done. No rushing myself pointlessly. It will be little things though. Bigger edits and gifs aren't hard yet tedious and draining when I'll be buried in boxes and working on home repairs for the immediate future.

Everyone take care of yourselves out there. If you read all this, thanks! Now, I've spent over an hour working on this when it was supposed to take me 15-20 minutes, and I need to sleep lol.

[homeofjonicles]

The Jonicles - Entry 2

Note: This is the second entry of The Jonicles and was written on day #5, hence why the date does not match when this is being posted. This was written back in May of this year before I started this blog, and there will be errors or developments in how this series was being written. Please enjoy (or don't enjoy) the second entry of The Jonicles!

It's May 23rd, 2022. It's also 6:30 pm on a Monday, the day of unending dread. Fitting! Today is day #5 of my Jon Arbuckle fixation.

Hello. I write again to document my current fixation on Jon Arbuckle. I've downloaded more images of him, especially the ones I think he looks particularly dashing in. My profile picture on Discord was updated to a panel of Jon dancing with a broom (displayed above) taken from a Garfield Minus Garfield strip. And furthermore, I am becoming quite enchanted by Jon's voice in the Garfield And Friends series. He sounds so... gentle, it's really soothing. It's reassuring, soft, and sounds trained, for quite an unhinged person like Jon.

Oh yeah, did I mention that Jon is most likely suffering from mental illness? Many in the Garfield fandom already know of this theory, but it's just so... interesting to me. When Garfield is around, he acts as something Jon's own sadness can bounce off of as a sort of punchline, but when the cat isn't there, it feels... empty, relatable, and Jon's character just hits you like a truck. And even when Garfield is there, with this context in mind, Jon is just a lonely, sad cartoonist who talks to his cat to fill in the void. He can't hear Garfield, but it works, just a little. That's part of why Jon has such bad social skills when talking to women and people in general. He's not really shy, but he's a recluse and can't get the "correct" words out (correct in terms of what people are supposed to do, anyway). He's... really relatable, except for the whole "desperately trying to pick someone up and get a date" part. I'm demiromantic and have trust issues, so that's not as relatable, haha......

Anyway! I've also listened to "Shake Your Paw" about 20 or so times today. It's the same song Jon dances to when he obliterated disco with his slick moves. The real reason disco is dead is because it couldn't handle carrying Jon's pure, unstoppable gigachad energy. Additionally, I drew Jon in my film class book, one of them being him as Sans, which is proof my drawing abilities were a mistake.

Not much to say here, other than I want to go watch the "Here Comes Garfield" special, not only for THE scene (the one that broke the hearts of millions of Garfield fans.... you know the scene....), but for Jon Arbuckle's unbeaten presence that always seems to enthrall me. Jon, I hope you're still enjoying your stay in my chaotic mess of a brain, because this is still only the beginning.

Last edited: 6:49 pm, May 23rd 2022.

EDIT (7:25 pm): i'm fuckignf xrry cryign... im.g.... not fcrying ovcer garfdeld nono,, ,yiyu are...... pleaee im in tteatrs.....

Ahh, the second entry. Back when I was only on day #5 of this whole mess. The image I used for this entry when I wrote it on my phone is one of my favourite Jon images, he just looks so smug, it's hilarious

Also, regarding the third entry... I'm not exactly sure if I want to post that one yet. It's very personal and I go into my.... *gags* my feelings.... Yeah. I may provide a shortened version or a summary of the entry, but for now, I think I might lay it off until I feel ready to post it. Also, demiromantic reveal! Blind dates are so bizarre.

And yes, I did actually cry during Here Comes Garfield, and that is genuine crytyping... Listen, if you've seen the special, you know exactly what I'm crying over, I think I'm completely justified for crying at that bit...

Cheers,

Your Local Jonnoisseur

Posted on the 18th of July, 2022 at 6:30 pm.

[asteriskitall]

i got truly inebriated for the first time this weekend.

i don't know what came over me. i was just there, and people were asking if i wanted to do stuff, and i remembered that he did that stuff so i wanted to do it too.

i guess maybe he's still influencing my life. a lot more than i'd like to admit.

alice wrapped a blunt and told me to breathe in, hold, inhale, then breathe out. we were sitting out on the grass off the street, just talking. the first hit was alright, but the second one was a long drag and i started coughing like hell when i breathed in. eventually i stopped and everything got dizzy. i felt kind of like i was dying and my throat was burning. i lay on the grass, then on alice's body. she kept asking me questions, trying to keep me there, and i remember wanting so badly to let go. to float off into space, and abandon my body. i thought maybe i could do it. i was high as fuck though. my voice started sounding really low, then the cars that were passing on the street looked like they were going in slow motion. i couldn't sit up for a long time. eventually i walked to alice's. she put a movie on but i don't know what, i just fell asleep on her couch.

like two days later i went over to some of alice's friends' apartment, to drink and play video games. i'd never met those girls before. one of them mentioned if maybe i was his partner and a piece of me sort of unwinded and i guess maybe that was why i chugged that second beer after the first one after a few shots of vodka even though alice told me not to. who knows, really? she left me with her beer and said "i'm trusting you to throw this one away," and i was only going to take a few sips from the second bottle, really, but a few sips turned into several swallows and then the bottle was like two thirds empty, and at that point what can you do but finish it off?

i remember at some point i sat outside on a bench in alice's arms and cried to her about him. i thought time would heal this but we loved each other enough for a lifetime and i don't think i ever miss him any less. he was my whole world.

i got hella dizzy. again. luckily when alice came back from getting her shit and i told her, she bundled up my ass and slept next to me. i woke up several times in the night, feeling kind of like throwing up. when i woke up my skin was tingling, but i ate and drank some water and it faded eventually. i guess it was a vitamin deficiency or something. i haven't really been taking care of myself. i still went to class eventually though.

sometimes i think about fucking the people i meet at parties. or even alice, when the thoughts turn really dark. i would never want to fuck alice though, and destroy the pure, honest love we share. she's like an older sister to me. but yeah honestly, i know fucking other people isn't the same and it never will be. after he took my virginity he told me i'm the last person he'll ever have sex with and i locked eyes with him and said he's my first and last. that hasn't changed for me. i don't know if it's changed for him. i hope not.

i don't even really know why i'm writing all this out. i guess i just don't have anyone else to tell. all of these things, the weed and the alc, i thought they'd be more momentous to me. more significant. but after he left, everything's been sort of monotone. being inebriated was nice. i was spacey as shit but it was nice because for once i could live beside my feelings for him, and choose to feel them, rather than letting them sneak up on me all at once.

also, i was having such a hard time focusing on shit that even if those things with their void bodies and glowing eyes were around, i don't remember them and i wouldn't have noticed. i just didn't give a shit about my mortality for a while. and that was lovely.

i should probably get some sleep. it's 1:36 am here right now. i don't think anyone even reads this blog but eh, it's my own record to keep. alright, goodnight world.

i hope he knows i love him.

[mbti-notes]

Hi mbti-notes, hope you are doing well. I am an INFP who is easily taken by persuasive people with questionable opinions. I was a part of an online forum about women prioritizing their wellbeing in relationships that quickly devolved into something ugly. I want to do better next time. When people speak with a lot of conviction, I am easily persuaded because I see the confidence that I lack. I will be utilizing the resources you have already linked on critical thinking. I need to be less gullible

I understand your sentiment because this issue is quite close to my heart. I always try to place truth as my highest ideal, so it pains me greatly to see myself or others be misled by false information. Part of my motivation for running this blog is to try to warn people against quick-fix ideas that end up doing them more harm than good. Critical thinking skills are more important than ever because we unfortunately now live in a social media world that allows misinformation and disinformation to spread like wildfire. There are too many opportunities for people to find information that engages them at the expense of information that is true.

Generally speaking, Fs tend to be trusting, especially when it comes to people they like or relate to. They need this trait because it is essential for relationships to thrive and love to blossom. Having healthy and happy relationships is one of the major factors that determines whether you will live a good quality of life.

However, every personality trait has its upsides and downsides. The downside of being trusting is that you might end up putting faith in people who don't deserve it. You can think of critical thinking as a form of self-defense training. It helps you spot threats and neutralize them quickly, before too much damage is done. This doesn't mean that you'll never get deceived or hurt. If someone is determined to take advantage of you, they will use all sorts of devious tactics. The most important thing is that you're able to detect them and protect yourself as soon as possible.

Do you understand why people often fall prey to false information? I would argue that the main reason is low self-awareness: they don't know themselves very well and aren't aware of what really motivates them. Most people are at low levels of ego development, which means that they are, by and large, unaware of being driven by underlying emotional issues.

You brought up a great example. One of your main underlying issues is that you lack confidence. Thus, your approach to people is often framed by this issue. You (unconsciously) seek out people who are able to lend you their confidence. You're definitely not alone there. Numerous studies have revealed how easily people are taken in by empty confidence and charisma in leaders. This is why psychopaths and narcissists achieve leadership positions more easily than the average person. The average person is usually more honest, in that the degree of confidence they exude matches their actual level of knowledge and capability. As an average person, you then assume that others are similarly honest. If they exude high confidence, they must know better than you... right? Oftentimes, the more confident someone appears to be, the more likely it is that they're trying to persuade you for ulterior motives rather than educate you for altruistic motives.

There are several aspects to tackling this problem of low self-awareness. Improve your emotional intelligence to make it more difficult for people to emotionally manipulate you. Improve your critical reasoning ability so that you know how to evaluate information on your own. Properly vet your sources of information.

1) Emotional Intelligence: What are your emotional vulnerabilities? We all have them but we are not all aware of them. For example: What sorts of things about people trigger your awe, envy, jealousy, admiration, resentment, self-loathing, etc? It's a lot harder for people to exploit your emotional vulnerabilities when you're fully aware of them and know to tread more carefully whenever they get triggered.

The consumer economy and the social media world run on emotional manipulation. What does that mean? There wouldn't be so many "influencers" out there if not for the masses of people wanting to feel something. There's pleasure in the engagement, the inspiration, the novelty, the shock, the outrage, the possession, the tribal validation, isn't there? If you're looking to get hooked by something, someone will use that opportunity to hook you for their own ends.

If someone is hitting hard on your emotional vulnerabilities (i.e. it seems as though they know exactly what to say to trigger a response in you), have a strategy for maintaining some emotional distance for awhile, in order to give yourself enough time to properly evaluate the person and what they are saying. It could be as simple as shutting off your device or walking away to clear your head.

For example, let's say you go to the store and the salesperson is using high pressure sales tactics on you. Politely tell them that they're making great points and you appreciate their help, but you need some time to mull it over. Leave the store, whip out your phone, and start doing research. You might soon discover that there's another store selling the same product for a lower price or that the product has gotten very poor reviews. Always give yourself the time and opportunity to seek out the truth.

I have a friend who loves to solicit my opinion on random things. However, I noticed that they'll never show any signs of agreement or disagreement when listening to my arguments. The conversation always ends with them saying that they need some time to think on it. They obviously place a lot of trust in me because they often seek out my input, but they don't automatically trust that everything I say is true or the full story, no matter how confident I appear to be. This brings me to the next point.

2) Critical Reasoning: One of the most important aspects of critical reasoning is making the effort to be as objective as you can, which is something FPs often struggle with. Objectivity means that you try to understand the whole picture, from every vantage point available to you. Objectivity means that you evaluate information impartially, from a position of someone who is disinterested (i.e. someone with no stakes in the matter either way). The reason objectivity is difficult is that when you get interested in something, you become emotionally invested in it, maybe you get your hopes up, and that can cloud your judgment.

One easy way to be more objective is to focus less on the person and focus purely on the content of their words. Whether you like, admire, or hate someone is irrelevant to the factuality of their statements. Evaluate the claims and statements for factuality in isolation, apart from who happened to utter them. Several of the books that I recommended on the resources page under critical thinking teach people how to evaluate information carefully, step by step.

When we like someone, we tend to assume that they are a good person, so we believe that they wouldn't intentionally mislead us. However, good people don't know everything and can still have false beliefs, right? When we hate someone, we tend to assume that they are a bad person, so we dismiss their words. However, bad people can still be in possession of some facts, can't they? In other words, moral character and intellectual knowledge are two different realms of existence. You can be morally good and intellectually ignorant at the same time. You can be morally bad but intellectually knowledgeable at the same time.

3) Vet Your Sources: You are human. Humans have limited time and energy for doing research. You can't know everything. You will make mistakes out of ignorance. Be forgiving of yourself. Throughout life, we sometimes have no choice but to rely on others and trust in their knowledge and expertise. What makes a source trustworthy? Here are some important points to consider:

- What is the source of their knowledge and expertise? Do they have the relevant educational and/or experiential qualifications? If they are a professional, do they have the requisite certificate, license, and/or other documentation that proves their qualifications? If you're not sure about these things, there are lots of forums online where you can ask questions to people who actually work in the field - use social media to your advantage. One sentence structure I always laugh at is "I'm not a scientist but..." Stop listening right then and there because they're basically telling you not to trust them!

- Is there a better source out there? Do you have a tendency to be loyal against your better judgment? When you're young and/or lack worldly experience, you're more easily taken in by interesting ideas and the charismatic people spouting them. However, once you've been around the block a few times, you start to see how ideas get recycled and regurgitated and repackaged. Truly new and revolutionary ideas are few and far between. Whatever idea you're enamored with, there are probably lots of people out there who are already familiar with it. Talk to those people to get a more realistic perspective on the matter (this is especially important for Ns to do). The idea may indeed be a good one, but that doesn't mean there isn't a darker side to it as well. One important thing that modern society has lost, to its great detriment, is respect for elders and their wisdom. With the hyperfocus on youth, we forget that there are people out there who've been there and done that, perhaps many times over. Tap into that treasure trove of information and you could save yourself quite a lot of heartache. In my teens, my parents always side-eyed me for making friends with older people, probably because they were afraid I would get groomed for abuse or something (a very valid concern!) Actually, I was only interested in learning from their experience.

- Are they principled in their dealings with people? Do they have a "code" or standards of conduct that they always follow? Do they make a strong effort to be objective, honest, fair, and well-rounded when they present information? What stake do they have in earning your trust? How do they stand to benefit from your trust? Are they completely transparent about the benefits they receive? When you enter a relationship with someone, even if it's a parasocial relationship, make sure that you understand what each party stands to gain and lose from the interaction. What are you being asked to give? Is it going to be a fair exchange?

Relationships, real-life or virtual, come and go and end for all kinds of reasons. Throughout it all, it's important to remember that being trusting is a virtue. If someone chooses to take advantage of your trust and exploit it for their own self-interest, THEY are in the wrong, not you. Don't blame the victim! All you wanted was to improve yourself and your life. Your intention is good.

In case it needs to be said, just because you've been burned before, doesn't mean that there aren't any trustworthy people out there. The world is full of good and bad and everything in between. The remedy to social threats isn't to become cynical and give up on trusting people, as this would just plunge you into a new form of hell where you've lost your humanity and live in paranoid isolation.

The remedy is to make sure that you take the time to really know someone well before placing too much trust in them. Don't let excitement override your better judgment. Also, Si types often approach trust and loyalty as "set it and forget it". Remember that trust should be earned over time and loyalty should be constantly negotiated throughout a relationship. You can and should revoke your trust and loyalty at any point a person shows you that they aren't deserving.

[tokyokookmin]

Hi, I need your help :( I had depression and anxiety for about a month, because of that I can not force myself or just push myself to attend our online classes. I do not attended those days because I really can't. I feel empty, drained, lost, uneasy, nervous and afraid of tomorrow, and these feelings are slowly eating me. I can't think of anything to do, and the projects or modules aren't helping, so I deactivated all of my account thinking that it will be a great help for me to breathe and to reflect. To find my happiness. But till now, I still can't find it. I don't really know what to do and I know that our semester will end in a week thus I reactivated my accout to grasp infos what happened on all of the days that I'm absent and I found out that all of my teachers are about to start to compute our grades. And here I am, haven't done anything. I don't want to have a failing grades😭😭😭 What should I do? What should I tell to my teachers beside from the depression that I am still experiencing for them to not give me a failing grades and a chance to pass my pending requirements? What reason should I give to them about why I did not attend our class or why I will just pass my papers or projects on this upcoming Tuesday or Wednesday? I really can't tell them the reason why, especially since I am still not healed, and my mind is still not working properly. Please help me, what should I suppose to tell? I am scared of disappointment. I am afraid of rejections. I am afraid of failing grades. I am afraid of everything. I am scared of my parents when they found out about this. I feel sorry for them. Please. Please, help me🥺😟😟

I am a Senior Highschool student, specifically grade 12. Please, help me. I'm really scared, I don't know what to do😢😔

Hi anon ❤️ oh my, my heart sanked when I was reading this 🥺 This is so sad ☹️.

First of all, I just wanted to assure you that everything is fine, it's going to be okay. The lockdown for the past 2 years has definitely took a toll on almost everyone. Especially being a student and having to join daily online classes, staring at a screen, it does feel unmotivating. It isn't only you who is suffering from this this condition, many are. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are witty, brave and courageous 🤍 it helps, trust me!

You are in 12th grade and you have and still are going through your depression and anxiety. You have been assigned to plenty of homeworks, modules and projects which you didn't finish I suppose. Depression and anxiety is a common issue in almost every teen during that era of theirs. Teachers may not or may excuse you. But since these past two years, online classes has been conducted and I'm so sure that many teachers are aware that it isn't effective as face to face classes.

Therefore, I suggest you to talk about your condition to your school counselor, class teacher or any teacher that you are comfortable with sharing private information. Do share your condition with your parents first, tell it your mom, there's nobody else who you can trust the most other than your own mother. Not even your bestest friend. I beg you to not reveal these sorts of things towards any of your classmates. People take advantage of things, remember that! I'm only advising for your best 🤍

It's time to step anon, no matter how much you don't feel up to it, do it and finish it. Try to complete all of the assignments which you think are the most important. Then complete the rest. Ask for a date of extension, I'm sure your teachers will agree to it! Ask for help from your parents to complete it, ask your siblings and get information from Google. I'm sure you can do it! Pull all nighters if you're up to it but you know your mind and body well so it's okay, sleep is necessary for us!b

I'm giving you lots of hope and I pray for good results! I love you so much, please don't be sad and I want to see you happier! Im really grateful that you chose my blog as a safe corner to reveal what your going through. Love you lots 💜💜 .xx

[britishsass]

sorry for asking this but what did gristol do to augustus? p.s your blog and au idea are so cool!

Ooh boy!

If this is for canon: Absolutely nothing directly. The two have nothing canonically. (I just like to believe that they were friends as kids, even though Gristol was kind of a brat towards Augustus because, well, he's Gristol. He's a spoiled brat.) However, he did harm Raz and Lucy, so therefore, it is On Sight (/j)

If this is for Maligustus... This is where I get to go off on a ramble spree, so I'll include a cut so people can skip the angst/spoilers if they don't want it rn.

To start off, he abducted Augustus because he recognized his old friend, and promptly suggested "How about we get Grulovia back together?"

Augustus was not amused and not in the mood to listen to this, so he tried to ignore him until Gristol started to break through what Ford did with the astrolathe. Mentioning that "Nona" is actually his aunt, or how his aunt is Maligula. Eventually, he pushes Augustus so far into a corner of uncertainty about what is real and what is fake that he doesn't really know how to deal with that.

He doesn't give augustus food or water other than some caviar. Because this is Gristol and his caviar. Augustus doesn't really have much of a choice, even though he's mostly vegetarian post-Meat Circus because. Y'know, trauma. So it's not a good moment for him to have to accept food from someone he really doesn't like and someone he doesn't trust, and it's food he doesn't like and basically disgusting.

It takes place over the course of a few days instead of the course of one day so there's a lot more time of torture and abuse, sort of along the same lines as what happened to Loboto pre-Psychonauts so he had such a block against saying what happened to him. Except with Augustus, it's much more focused on breaking down his spirit and how much he's willing to fight. Every time Augustus does something out of line, Gristol threatens to harm his children. Saying he'll harm any of them. It's not an empty threat, as far as Augustus is aware, so he keeps quiet and does what he has to do, even though it hurts him to push himself as hard as he is psychically, especially since he's still dealing with the aftermath of everything that he's just had revealed. Gristol still forces him to work with hydrokinesis, something he doesn't know how to use. (This is also the only way that Augustus is really getting enough water.)

...

And then, of course, when Gristol's finally about to use him in the big plan as his new Maligula, he demands to see his family first. And Gristol tells him that they drowned because of him. I'm not sure if he's implying it's because of the hydrokinesis or because of the fact that he's been acting out, but either way, Gristol implies that it's Augustus's fault. He forgets that the fact that Augustus's family was basically what was keeping him in line, so therefore, without that as his bargaining chip, Augustus does what anyone would do.

He breaks. Completely. And this, my dear anon, is where you get the new Maligula. Or, as I'm currently calling him, Noro. (Name needs workshopping, I am aware. But it's supposed to be like Nero, and no, so. Yeah.)

[garden-of-thestars]

|| TWST OC Profile: Cassio Segreti ||

Note: I don't have much motivation to draw him so I did a picrew that is down below, but I do go into a little detail to his appearance from the fandom he was formerly in right here.

Name: Cassio Segreti

Age: 17 (???)

Birthday: March 9

Star Sign: Pisces

Height: 5'5

Homeland: Port of Jubilee

Family: Grandfather

School Year: 2nd Year (Royal Swords Academy)

Occupation: Student

Best Subject: Defense Magic

Dominant Hand: Right

Hobby: Collecting Things

Dislikes: The Ocean

Favorite Food: Blueberry Muffins

Least Favorite Food: Tuna

Special Skill: Origami

Unique Magic: No Strings On Me

This scamp is a rather chipper one. Cassio is known to be rather playful and friendly towards those he encounters. Most believe he is naive for this, but it's the complete opposite; deep down he does have trust issues towards certain individuals. He's only friendly because his grandfather says it's only polite. Other than that, he is rather mischievous and on occasion will poke fun here and there. However, he does have the tendency to wander off when something catches his eye. One flaw that will be mentioned about him is that on occasions when he's under pressure, he will lie on instinct. It's become a bit of a bad habit... Once he lied that he had no weaknesses at all, for the sheer purpose of looking cool/tough in front of others. A bit of an odd fact about him: there are times where he feels... Off. Cassio can't properly explain it, but when he tries to, all he can say is that he feels... Empty. It doesn't really interfere with his life, but it does catch him off guard.

Trivia

• Fun Fact: Cassio is actually a revamped Dictatorial Grimoire OC, who I actually made an account for right here. Lowkey though, checking out his bio for that blog will give slight spoilers to his backstory as a TWST OC so yeah :)

• He's pretty close friends with Che'nya and will sometimes sneak into NRC along with him! Cassio knows how to hide really well, so most don't catch him. Chen'ya also did say that he will help Cassio in breaking his habit of lying.

• The reason why Cassio does have trust issues is because he's been tricked before in the past. He lies about no weaknesses, but he is severely afraid of getting too close to fire and the potential threat of drowning. This may be the reason why he's sort of scared of certain folk from the sea, but he'd honestly get along with those who show to be good.

• He feels this sense of curiosity whenever he catches glimpses of Malleus or Lilia. Cassio pins it down to their fascinating traits, but for some reason can't bring himself to approach them. Probably nerves.

[leighlim]

So....does that mean Al has a very resilient stomach?

(Waiting until right before cow's milk curdles....and then deciding to not consume it? That's guts! Or maybe just something that those 25 and under...do?)

And yes...I was surprised by the promos for this episode (right at the end of the last episode and replayed as a teaser in this episode) about Andrew having an epiphany and apologising to Holly.

(Are the producers really THIS good in planning out the twists? Or was it purely coincidence? It makes me wonder if filming has completed before editing starts alongside meetings of episode length and content.)

--------------------------------

Personal Development Reminder #1: Self sabotage would likely accompany trust issues.

I was really surprised that Sam started talking about how much the betrayal (cheating) in her previous relationship affected her after the note for her during their 'pre-commitment ceremony chat' (with Alessandra, Mel, and John) was about her giving Al the space to step up.

With my own trust issues (I'd say it's a mix of betrayals from different people), I have to be aware that I'm not setting my benchmark as insanely high or just focusing on what the other person did wrong....and also make sure I take time to reflect on my actions.

(Andrew mentioned that his fear is getting rejected --- which is why he plans to do the rejecting...and the reason he wrote 'leave' during the commitment ceremony and then crossed it out to replace it with stay. That sort of aligns with the whole 'trust' issue...and links with what Holly was saying about Andrew not giving them a proper chance.)

Personal Development Reminder #2: Make sure your conversation partner is able to give the attention you need.

With my tendency to want to share a 'brain download' as soon as possible, I have to remember to ask if the person receiving it is in the right frame of mind. Combine that with a tendency to get tunnel visioned, it is important for me to be aware that it's happening so I don't go to long 'sharing'.

I know it's different from delaying sharing things because it doesn't seem like the right timing...

Personal Development Reminder #3: Always clarify! Never assume!

I probably have written reminders about this elsewhere (maybe on a sticky note or a personal blog entry). While it's good to confirm something, it's also essential to give the other person another chance to make it up (for example if what I said was misinterpreted). It would be great to have someone who just 'gets it'...but that may not happen to all within my circle.

--------------------------------

Highlight:

[Al sniffs the milk]

Sam: Oh, is that 'off milk'?

Al: Yes.

[Al pours the milk onto his bowl with Weet Bix]

Sam: Is it actually off?

Al: Yeah, it's four days old. It's alright. It just smells a bit funky.

[Milk continues to empty onto the bowl. Sam just stares, slack-jawed]

Al: You're allowed to drink it until it starts curdling.

[He returns it back to the fridge.]

--------------------------------

Episode Rating: 6/10

[multimatchupmadness]

hi!!! i love your blog!!! i saw that you write! and i saw this post where it's like write out the first two sentences of 20 fics you're working on! if you could do that that would be GREAT!!! id love to see your writing!! you obviously don't have to do 20, however many you want is up to you, thank you!! :D

Of course, no one has ever been interesting in my writing I’m so happy to share this with you thank you!!!! I have to see how many I have in the woodworks hahaha, but i’ll start off with my posted ones first! I’m also straying a bit and not doing the first two sentences, but the ones I like the most, because my style of writing doesn’t have like… gripping first lines? ANYWAY!!! moving on:

1: Greed 

    > Oikawa and Iwaizumi thought they would be able to deal with the hardships that came with a long-distance relationships. Thought being the keyword. After their break-up, Oikawa’s despair ends up placing his conciousness into a parallel version of himself. A demon king version of himself

“Can I trust you?” Akaashi challenged.

“I’m in a world where I don’t know what the fuck is happening most of the time. Iwaizumi is supposed to be my prisoner but instead he’s like a roommate. Kuroo is shifty around me because apparently I’m different from the Grand King in a bad way and I just want to go home.” Oikawa’s words sped up as he said them, the end coming out in a rushed jumble.”

2: A Thousand Years 

   > Iwaizumi and Oikawa have known each other since they were eight, it’s not until late in their lives that they realize how much they mean to each other

“Iwaizumi huffed and stood up, turning him away from the mirror, “Oikawa. You look great. Your hair looks great, your outfit is great. Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Oikawa blinked at him a few times before bursting into a big smile, “Iwa-chan! If you flatter me like that, I’ll start to think maybe you have a crush on me!” 

Iwaizumi went red and scoffed, “As if I could like someone as annoying and stupid like you.””

3: Sissy That Walk 

   > Bokuto is a dancer at a club and a drag queen, Kuroo is in love

“”Yo, you weren’t practicing in those in the house right? You know how long it takes to get those scuffs out of the floor!” Kuroo called in his wake. 

“No no, I’m not trying to get reprimanded by you for a full hour again.” Bokuto said, coming back.

“Good, those are a real pain to clean. Also, no stretching on the counter anymore, you nicked the corner of the wood with the heel.” Kuroo said, rubbing at a little indentation in the edge.

“I’m the one that wears heels, yet you act like more of a housewife than I do.” Bokuto teased.”

4: To Win is To Lose 

   > Eren and Jean make a bet over who will be the first one to fall in love with who will be. It was a mistake both of them didn’t realize they made.

“Jean looked from Eren’s smiling face to the cotton candy and tentatively parted his lips and Eren pushed the sugar into his mouth. Both of their faces were dusted pink as they shared the sweet.

Eren looked over at Jean and went, “Oh, you have a little…” And leaned across the table and swiped at his lower lip.

Jean felt like everything went in slow motion when he felt the pad of his thumb drag across his lip. Eren leaned back, examined his thumb and then stuck it in his mouth. Jean just watched with wide eyes and jaw nearly on the table.

Eren smiled mischievously, a spark in his eyes as he said, “Sweet.” And winked.

Jean seriously thought he was going to die.”

5: Second Chances 

   > Yuu is a barista who runs into his childhood best friend, who carries some less than friendly emotions towards him. 

““You’ve changed, Mika.” Yuu said. It was supposed to be an insult, but honestly it sounded like he was pained.

Mika scoffed, “Of course I have. I grew up. Without you. So you don’t know me.””

ONTO THE ONES I HAVE YET TO FINISH LOL

6: Until It Breaks

***I’M ALMOST DONE THIS ONE AND AM PLANNING ON STARTING POSTING CHAPTERS AT THE END OF THE MONTH!!!!!!!***

   > Oikawa, the resident playboy, made a bet with Makki, his roommate and best friend, that he wouldn’t sleep with the hot guy that sits in the back of his physics class for a full month, but genuinely date them. Iwaizumi, the broody tattooed boy in the back of the lecture hall, made a bet with Mattsun, his best friend and roommate, that he would get the resident playboy to fall in love with him, to give him a taste of his own medicine. However will this fateful and oblivious relationship play out?

““I - Iwa-chan, what has gotten into you today?” Oikawa asked with a wary laugh at the end.

Iwaizumi shrugged, “Maybe it’s something in the air.”

Oikawa gave him a quizzical look, “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean I’m having a good time, with a guy who is on his first date in a while, and is kinda cute. So what if I get a bit carried away?” Iwaizumi said, smiling at him and walking ahead of him.

Oikawa stared back him, his chest felt like it was constricting in on him, but he felt really really good. Oikawa smiled and walked to catch up with him, “Only kinda cute?”

“For now.” Iwaizumi said, a small smirk dancing on his lips.”

7: Satisfied

   > An Iwaoi one-shot based off the song “Satisfied” from Hamilton (yeah its painful lmao i hate myself)

“”I’m planning on proposing to her, Tooru.” Hajime said suddenly over lunch one day. 

Everything sort of went in slow-motion for a few seconds for Oikawa, it was like his brain hay-wired and everything inside of him shut-down. Proposing. He’s getting married. He’s losing him to someone else. They were in public, so Oikawa couldn’t meltdown like his nerves were threatening so he just looked up at Iwaizumi with an as-natural-as-possible smile, “That’s great, Hajime, I’m happy for you.””

8: Make Me Whole Again

   > A MikaYuu fic inspired by Yuri on Ice, really only because Yuu is an ice skater. But the premise is that Yuu is an ice skater that needs to change his style from aggressive to bring a shock-value, so he confides in the prima ballerina, Mikaela and learns more about him than he expected.

““I appreciate the sentiment, Yuu-chan. But you can’t fix me. I’m not fixable. I’m this… empty thing… but it’s okay. I’ve always been this way.” Mikaela said, looking at him with watery eyes, pulling back and away from Yuu.

“Then I won’t fix you. But let me help you fix yourself, because you deserve at least that much.” 

AND THEN HERE’S TWO THAT ARE JUST IDEA RIGHT NOW BUT IM 100% GONNA WRITE BC I’M SUPER HYPE ABOUT THEM!!!!

9: Supernatural based fic

   > Kageyama enrolls in a mixed school, mixed being supernatural beings and  humans attend classes together, because he’s a mixed child, something rare since the presence of supernatural beings is newly accepted in the common world, however, he has yet to tap into his supernatural side and has never met his father, so he’s unaware of what his supernatural side is. In the meantime of trying to figure this out, he’s paired up in his botany class with this annoyingly pretty and just plain annoying fire fairy named Hinata. It all goes downhill from there. 

10: Harem fic!!!!!

   > The Hinata harem is strong in Haikyuu, so I decided to just make a super-duper cliché harem story, Hinata being the MC, Kageyama being the mysterious, broody love interest. Oikawa being the overly flirty, charming boy who may or may not be dating his best friend, Bokuto being the over-protective older brother, Kuroo being the mischevious trouble-maker who is also ridiculously smart which makes him lethal, Kenma as the best friend, Tsukishima as the antagonist that isn’t actually the antagonist but wants to be. Side cast: Suga and Daichi aka the best parents ever, Asahi is the uncle that everyone is scared of but is a sweetheart, Akaashi is the boy Bokuto is ridiculously in love with

That’s it for the ones that have the most potential to be posted!!! I do have a few *cough*NSFW*cough* fics but I’m not posting them here, nor have I actually posted them bc EMBARASSING and there are others that i have in my archives, but i highly doubt they’ll ever actually get written. Thank you so so so much for this ask again!!!!

~ Mod Usagi

[doberbutts]

I'm not a dogblr (actually not really an anything-blr, just lurking and liking) and I don't post or reblog anything (for various reasons) but I'd just like to apologize for immediately taking sides in that whole shitstorm earlier-I read a few replies and vagueblogs about you and others without actually reading the original post/responses and jumped to a conclusion (which I find is unfortunately common here tbh). After reading everything later I realized that my view of the situation was (1/2)

(2/2) limited and unfairly biased and that you hadn’t actually done any of the things you were being accused of. I really respect and admire you and am glad I wasn’t a complete ignorant shitstain and ended up reading everything that went down, because I look up to you both as a dogblr as well as a person and I would hate for something silly (and unfounded) like that to screw with that. (I also learned that I’m a lazy piece of shit who needs to look at all the facts and not just angry vagueblogs)

I have quite a few followers with empty blogs that lurk and like- hello to you too!

Thank you for that. I’m still not really sure why everything went down the way it did. The entire situation was blown way out of proportion by a handful of people that I don’t even interact with and I don’t think ever have outside of maybe answering a few ask games, so it’s strange to me how they could claim they have some sort of intimate knowledge of my personal history or of my personality. And then people who I have spoken to, made nice with and chatted about dogs, join in saying how I am always mean and elitist and rude and they’ve been waiting to run me off tumblr for a while- that’s cool I guess it’s great knowing that I can’t trust anyone on this site.

Also I like the handful of anons who were going around saying they knew me from another site where I was always rude and mean- let’s see, the only other site you would “know me” from is chickensmoothie, and the people on there that don’t like me include:

the chick who has a bajillion animals in absolutely filthy cages that she’s incapable of caring for and so several of them have died from completely preventable things (told her to improve her husbandry before getting more animals)

the chick who bred a crippled hideous ambully to another crippled hideous ambully that died at a year old and kept two puppies with severe cleft palates for breeding (doesn’t like that I disapprove of breeding a dog with no health testing to a dog with crippling swayback, or that breeding deformed puppies is probably bad)

the chick with the dogs that keep killing her livestock that keeps getting more livestock that her dogs keep killing (maybe don’t let your dogs interact with your livestock and I’ll stop saying that it’s a bad idea?)

the chick with the “registered service dog” patterdale/APBT that keeps calling her mutt a purebred because she’s more game than any pure APBT and registration ID cards make things easier for her so she doesn’t care it makes things harder for literally everyone else (because both APBT and SD teams have things hard enough as it is)

the chick in a country where “pit bulls” and all bully breeds are banned claiming that her unpapered off color bbms are purebred APBT (your blue and blue brindle BBMs are mutts that are very illegal for you to have and you don’t sound at all knowledgeable to claim them as pure)

and maybe one of my exes and their ex gf (messy breakup, messier breakup)

oh yeah and the like 5 whiny white people who were mad that I told them that they didn’t get to sit there and tell a black person what is and isn’t racism, and the one otherkin kid that tried to convince me they have it worse because being otherkin is just like being trans except they’ll never be an animal and I can have a surgery to make me a dude, and the one white vegan that said she hoped my ancestors knew I betrayed them by making Creed into a slave- but I doubt they did anything with dogblr

All of whom I haven’t spoken to for close to a year or more now because I got tired of that site’s drama and left. Yes. Wonderful judges of character, wouldn’t you say?

But it really bothers me because I know you aren’t the only person who had this reaction, and this defamation of character + harassment + betrayal was a little too out of control over two sentences, an apology, and a “hey btw could you not register your dog”. Especially not considering only a few hours earlier I’d chased an actual neo-nazi off my blog with a lot more respect than that, and if my recent “punch all nazis” posts are anything for you to go by then you’d know that I have absolutely no respect for that shit. Somehow a gay, disabled, black dude was able to handle telling a nazi to fuck off a lot better than dogblr was able to handle a situation that didn’t need to explode but it’s cool it’s fine I’m good everything’s peachy.

Because you know it’s not like we didn’t have a ~educate, don’t hate~ and ~don’t send anon hate it’s mean~ kick going on but I guess that only matters for some blogs.

And the absolute kicker in all this is that one of the folks who started the shenanigans followed me a week after I turned my blog back on and occasionally reblogs or likes my things, but never offered an apology. So I guess I’m a rude elitist mean asshole when it suits their public narrative but when it comes down to it they think they’re entitled to interact with my blog as though nothing’s wrong with absolutely no “hey so that was pretty uncalled for”. Funny that.

I apologize- I’m sure you didn’t mean to unleash the torrent of salt but I am quite bitter and am reminded of how bitter I am about this every time I see that url pop up in my notifications or sit there in my recent followers. 

[star-trek-understands]

My apologies in advance for this (and this got far longer and more involved than I intended, so please *please* disregard this if others have more pressing issues and/or if this is just way too much)... but would you be able to do Captain Kirk and Spock (tos) on being simultaneously touch averse and touch deprived? I'm too afraid of being vulnerable and too particular about who touches me to ever be honest about how lonely and horrible I feel, but I'm also painfully aware that never having physical contact with anyone is really bad for my mental health.

I don't want to burden anyone (including you 😣) with my emotions or with having to comfort/hug me (because I know how unappealing I am), but my state of mind has been getting steadily worse and worse over the last 3-16 years because I have no one I trust enough to ask (or allow) to hug me or hold me. Most nights I lie awake alone for hours, wishing I just had someone to hold me, to make me feel safe and like it's okay to be vulnerable. The fact that I've never had that (and in all likelihood never will because of all sorts of complicated things*) seems to expand in my throat until it feels like the loneliness itself is a physical thing that's choking me or swallowing me up. It hurts so much that I break down in sobs/spasms, my whole body aches, and my soul feels so empty and damaged that I honestly expect and *want* it to just kill me, but it never does. And then when I wake up, everything is sore and my eyes are chapped and it all starts over again.

*[years of abuse, ptsd, major depression, suicidal tendencies, etc. as well as recently learning I'm probably demisexual or at least somewhere on the ace spectrum]

The thing is... I don't want Kirk or Spock (or Anyone, really) to *understand* that feeling so much as just... be sympathetic about it, if that makes any sense. It's probably really pitiful but I constantly wish that I could have Kirk on one side of me and Spock on the other, just bear-hugging me and holding me and squeezing that horrible feeling away by simply surrounding me with their compassion and warmth and softness. And then I feel even worse because nobody has ever wanted to touch or be close to me, so I would really hate to put Kirk and Spock, of all people, in such a gross position for fear I might taint them or something--and, again, because I know how undesirable I am even platonically, I know how irritating and helpless and burdensome I am. (I feel so embarrassed admitting all of this even anonymously, but it's genuinely what goes through my pathetic brain at night 😣😣)

Anyway, I don't mean to be so needy, long-winded, depressing, triggery, overwhelming, finicky, or demanding. And I absolutely understand if this request is over the line, too much to deal with, not relatable enough to make it worthwhile, etc. I can only assume your inbox is full to bursting, and both your time and other people's requests are so much more important to me than this ridiculous heap of awfulness I've unloaded on you. But if nothing else I want to thank you for providing so many of us with hope and encouragement and reassurance. Your blog is like a supplement to my therapy and medication because I have so few people in my life who allow me to have feelings. Your altruistic generosity and the way you so openly and graciously give and give of yourself to help others is truly inspiring/soul-healing (and Trek-like 🖖). So again... thank you for everything you do, for all the good you do without even getting anything in return. 💛😓 (And I'm so, so sorry for this garbage dump of an ask.)

Hi there! Please know that you're not being a burden at all, I don't mind! I'm sorry it took so long to get to this ask. The post will be up in a few minutes, please let me know if you'd like anything changed and I'll get it changed as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience and your kind words! :)