#because i only partially feel like shit

[greghatecrimes]

dies. dies again. dies a third time. hugs them to my chest like teddy bears.

[lycanr0t]

i feel very frustrated about the trend of giving chil body hair bc if it was any other anime twink i would be thrilled its just that it seems to only be because people are SO afraid of him looking young they have to make him hairy to justify liking him in ships.

meanwhile it does directly go against canon (he literally is supposed to look like a child. this is integral to both his character and his race's lore as a whole and it makes no damn sense that he would be mistaken for a child if he has body hair i mean. cmon.)

and it's like. some men are hairless. some men look young. when youre a trans man in your 20s-30s its especially common to be mistaken for a teenager, even more so if you're not on t. and short. these traits do not make you less of a man or an adult. :/

[jasontoddsno1simp]

Stop trying to make Jason feel bad for Titans Tower!! That man got other shit to deal with!!

Namely, the fact that his so called father figure wants him dead!!

[nullians]

It’s actually insane how fandom in general has become so scared of making weird and dark and ugly works. Like I look at myself and see how I have also subconsciously adapted this instinct to self censor and make things “marketable” and it’s making me want to crawl out of my skin. I need to get weirder and worse and more off-putting hello

[arielluva]

came to a better understanding about my gender identity but theres still the elephant in the room (do i find men attractive. who knows. comically large question mark in the corner of my eye)

[steakout-05]

something that had always been really frustrating for me when i was still in math classes in school was trying to watch the teacher actually work the problem out on the board and still not understanding wtf was happening. for some context, i heavily suspect that i have some form of dyscalculia because math and numbers literally do not compute properly in my brain. it'd be too long to explain the full extent of my possible dyscalculia here but math literally does the mental equivalent of maxing out the CPU power and memory of a computer to the point where it freezes and lags to my brain.

math class was always stressful for me because no matter what i did and how much progress i made, there was always a lack of understanding i had when it came to trying to work any math problem out long term and remembering anything. it felt like there was always something i was missing, so when the time came for the teacher to explain and go through a math problem step-by-step on the whiteboard, i made sure i paid as much attention to it as humanly possible as child-to-teenager me could muster and even then i still did not understand how the fuck they solved it, all because of one thing: the teacher pulling a random number completely out of their ass that happened to be the key to solving the problem.

like. i don't think i can illustrate how frustrating and isolating this was to experience with words alone. here i was, paying as much attention as i physically could, trying my damned hardest to memorise each individual step and calculation in order to understand how to get from point A to point B. everything made perfect sense up until the teacher suddenly stops for a second and writes a seemingly completely unrelated number there with no context as to why it's there in the first place, and then, in that singular moment, everything immediately comes crumbling down and i'm left completely confused. and somehow, everyone else around me perfectly understands it except me. like. imagine sitting there, giving the teacher all the attention you possibly could, literally watching and studying their hand movements just to understand every single step, only to be even more confused than your classmates, who you're pretty sure were half-asleep during the explanation, who also say they understand how the teacher came to that conclusion. what. the actual fuck.

when i try to explain how infinitely confusing and irritating this was for me, i'm reminded of a quote from that video Patricia Taxxon made about DHMIS: "The rug is pulled again ... There was never any hope of following the thread, understanding is impossible.". even when i was literally trying my best to possibly follow anything that was happening, the rug still gets pulled out from under my feet and i'm sent all the way back to square one of not understanding a single thing and being confused again. all because the teacher didn't explicitly explain how they got that random number that was apparently singlehandedly necessary for solving the equation and where they got it from, apart from that place being from literally fucking nowhere.

it's really no wonder that i eventually stopped giving a shit about paying attention in math class, because even when i was, it was still daunting and incomprehensible as always. why bother trying anymore when trying still gets you nowhere? trying to ask the teacher where they got that number from was an impossible to understand task as well, as their either snapped back with a "well you should have been paying attention" (even though i WAS but whatever) or they do explain that they added the first two numbers from the equation together or something, but now i'm wondering why they didn't just explain that in the first place like they did with everything else instead of seemingly just assuming everyone would know to do that.

by the way, if i had to give an estimate, my math ability is probably still at like. a 5th grader's level at best. so uh. yeah it's not good. still, it is kinda funny to me though, not only because i do find a bit of humour in the situation, but also because some people are often so quick to judge someone's intelligence purely based on their mathematical abilities alone. like. the idea of someone calling me dumb for still needing to do addition with my fingers despite the fact that my reading and language levels are considered above average is really funny to me lmaooo

[icewindandboringhorror]

Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)

[ahhale-werewolves]

my own personal little headcanon that just makes me giggle and kick my feet is that in S3b when Will asks if Hannibal is in love with him to Bedelia, he 100% always knew this man’s been in love with him. he just wanted to be a shit and make bedelia say it.

[hungergameshyperfixation]

Day five since SotR was announced

How we feeling everyone

[freebooter4ever]

You know, one thing ive been thinking about the whole keke's outfit thing...it continues to baffle me how the straight heterosexual view of women's 'attractiveness' STILL tends to equate scantily clad with 'availability' or 'asking for it' or 'putting it on display'. As if wearing something skimpy is what threatens the boyfriend's position as the only man who is allowed to be attracted to his girlfriend.

But like. And i cant speak for all women attracted to women here. But i KNOW i am not the only woman who watched nope, caught the VERY SUBTLE HINTS, and was immediately like 'oh she is the hottest thing ever I AM DEVOTED TO HER' because we are starved for lesbian characters just being allowed to exist and be attractive on screen without catering to the male gaze. Like the akira slide and motorcycle scenes? Sexy as hell. The little dancey thing to classic music? Sexy. Her general refusal to sit upright? Still hot. And she was doing it all in slightly butch but still extremely stylish clothing that basically covered everything. And i mean she was still the most attractive character on that screen the entire time, i probably missed half the movie because i was just watching her the whole time. And it had absolutely nothing to do with how little she was wearing.

Like yes keke herself also looked sexy in that dress/bodysuit that her boyfriend hated so much. But why is it THAT that makes him insecure? Why not the thousands of lesbian/bisexual girls who watched nope a few too many times just to daydream about dating a girl like emerald one day?

[yoshistory]

uhhh maybe the next big thing i save up for is a new bed and bedframe. because like i've been sleeping on my couch and while i do HAVE a bed i got it 2nd hand from someone and there's a part of me that just really does not like sleeping on it. when i got it the dude was like "yeah you really should like vacuum that thing and spray it down and maybe put two or more bedsheets on it"

[she-toadmask]

I went to go to my new job and they hadn't gotten my background check and I was too anxious/my brain wasn't on so I didn't think about the fact that they hadn't contacted me directly since the last forms I filled out

A black woman knocked on the window of the car I was driving when I parked and she said she hadn't eaten in a couple days and wanted 7 bucks or so to go get some food. I figured I was about to start making money and had brought my wallet in case I needed something from it so I gave her 10 bucks and she thanked me and left

Like I said the job hadn't gotten my background check results so I spent like 5 bucks on a couple charms and left and went home. I told my mom what happened and she said I shouldn't give people money like that, they usually don't need it

And it made me really uncomfortable. Maybe it's me being asocial but why would someone walk around in a parking lot asking for money when they could just Not? Surely it's not an efficient way to make money, even with jobs being shit

I mention her being a black woman because. I mean maybe she saw I was a young white girl and figured I wasn't going to be dangerous and maybe this is fucked-up for me to think and I'm in a semi-decent area not a ton of crime not a ton of race-driven violence afaik but if a black woman is walking around a parking lot asking random people for money when someone could take issue with her and hurt her

She probably really does need it

Idk I usually don't give money to homeless people I don't usually have cash on me (or if i do it's the emergency 20 in my phone case) but she came up to me and asked

[ask-artsy-oncie]

Its just like. I just got my drive for animation back today of all days but I've committed to making a bunch of Valentines dolls and I have to finish them early enough so people can order them and have them *arrive* on Valentines Day and AUUUGH.

Just wish my brain worked properly. Yknow?

[katyspersonal]

(Vent)

I find myself so conflicted. There are just... so many things I want to talk about. I want to talk about how infuriating it is that “feminists” fought so hard to claim that all women deserve respect - only to end up demonizing female beauty and fit-ness as a concept for being “cishet male bait”, or hate feminine characters in general unless they can get indulgence for being lesbians or trans women. How annoying it is that woke clout chasers run around slapping ‘comphet’ and ‘lesbophobia’ stickers on everything when people are righteously unhappy with bi erasure - would those people be content if someone “erased” a lesbian character saying she was just bi all along but convinced herself to be a lesbian out of hating men? BOTH can play this game, lil’ shit. How people come and have a go like ‘but we all are fighting the SAME battle against CIS WHITE MEN’ that makes me feel cringe for being a woman and thus dragged into this “opression” game against my will, I want to wash my gender away like dirt to not be associated with this madness - but when I step away too far I inevitably find legitimate incels that hate women like feminists hate men. When did I crossed the line where chased down stray dogs ended and true wolves started? Where can I hide?

But it is certainly not in my head. And I want to NOT want to talk about any of this, I just wonder - did it really have to get like this? Becoming so tangled with internet and fandoms? Well... I’ve ALWAYS been just an autistic kid more interested in fiction than reality, so maybe my fate is just written by how my brain is built, heh. But there is just boiling anger that I sometimes struggle to contain, it ends up feeling like I am a dragon that simply tried to make a deep sigh - and bam, accidentally everything around got ignited. After this I feel like I did something wrong - despite ‘ranting about things you dislike’ is such a relevant thing that some Youtubers make it their BRAND and get hella followers! But I just feel like now everything ignites, and I should extinguish the coals with memes, reblogged pretty arts, jokes and ‘happy thoughts’. But ‘touch the grass’ or not, but the frustration is always here somewhere, like a permanently smoking volcano. I know rants are okay, but it always feels like after I only BARELY open up about my perpetual annoyance - people already get scared. So what would they think of me if I lost ALL inhibitors and just got it ALL out?

I just want to believe that out there there is a hater (affectionate) so furious that I am no match to them, and me ranting to them will feel like barely a complaint, let alone rant. And it will feel greeeeeeat for a while, because this anger will be out of my mind.

[poptartmochi]

it is the dreadposting hours ur honor

[acrowcallstoana]

am i glad for the extra difficulty eating? yeah, kinda

am i pissed about how i got it? very