#because it'll give you cavities

[banannabethchase]

KrisRuby with alien Kris (how you interpret that is up to you). Ruby is napping on a couch in the locker room and wakes up to find Kris kneeling over her, studying her intently.

Kiss is Cosmic - also on AO3

~

Ruby wakes up to Kris staring at her sleep, and finally figures out what's so intriguing about her.

~

Title from Katy Perry's ET. For the bingo square I4 Crack. Which is obvious.

~

Ruby has the sense somebody is staring down at her as she drags herself from the tendrils of sleep. She hadn’t meant to pass out on a locker room couch, but Saraya had kept her up until 3am going over outfit options and ranting about Toni and she couldn’t keep her eyes open.

It takes a minute to realize that she’s not making it up, that she really is being stared at, and she slowly blinks her eyes open to see somebody unreasonably close to her.

“Holy fuck,” Ruby says, scrambling to sit on the couch. “What the hell are you doing?!”

“Examining you.” Kris says it like it’s normal, like they’re discussing the weather. “I’m curious.”

“Cur – about what?”

Kris blinks at her, almost clinically. “The human body, when faced with trauma or adverse experiences, has multiple coping mechanisms. On observation, I’ve noted that your most frequent coping mechanism is falling asleep in random places at venues.” She smiles at Ruby. “You’ve been doing so more lately, so I wanted to see how intensely the coping mechanism locks into your psyche or if it was easily disturbed.”

“I am definitely easily disturbed when somebody watches me fucking sleep,” Ruby grumbles, rubbing at her eyes. “And coping – what the hell? Why are you watching me like that?”

Kris shrugs. “I think you’re interesting.”

“Are you hitting on me or something?”

Kris blinks her pretty eyes, unfazed. “Would you like me to hit on you?” She looks a little confused. “Generally my scientific requirements prefer me to be outside of the research, but I could reconsider. I have in the past.”

“Human subjects,” Ruby scoffs. “You say that like you’re not human.”

“I’m not,” Kris says. “We’ve been over this, like, a million times.”

“You dropped the alien gimmick over a year ago,” Ruby replies.

Kris tilts her head, and her inquisitive little smile is both intriguing and terrifying. “Gimmick?” she asks. “No, I didn’t drop anything. I’m more than a woman because, in my species, gender is optional and entirely separate from reproduction.”

It’s Ruby’s turn to blink, confused. “Excuse me?”

“Generally, on Earth,” Kris continues, “I present like this,” she gestures to herself, and Ruby can’t keep herself from scanning Kris’ body. She’s always told herself not to look. She’s never let herself look before. But here’s the invitation. “I enjoy this body. It provides fascinating reactions.”

Ruby feels her cheeks heat up without her permission. “Uh. Are you trying to tell me you’re literally an alien?”

“I don’t know why everyone doubts me,” Kris says, and she finally looks something other than clinical. “I’ve told people since day one. I’m from the Andromeda galaxy, and I’m the galaxy’s greatest alien. That last part is a personal claim, of course, but it added some flair to my identity.”

“You thought being an actual alien wasn’t flair enough?”

“Clearly it wasn’t, because no one believes me!” She throws her hands in the air. “I was sent here to do research, but all you humans are so sweet and charming. It’s almost impossible to avoid it. And then people like you come along, and you’re just so interesting, and you don’t even let me talk to you without trying to kill me.” She slumps down on the couch next to Ruby. “I love my belt, I do, but it would be nice to get somebody’s attention without it.”

Ruby scoots closer next to Kris. “You have my attention.”

“Only because I used you as a subject in my anthropological research,” Kris says, and she looks so sad Ruby has no choice but to put her hand on Kris’ thigh.

Kris turns to her. “I’m not doing that, by the way.”

“Doing what?” Ruby asks.

“Making you – nice,” Kris says, frowning like she wasn’t sold on her word choice. “I don’t have powers like that. All I’m good for is scientific research.”

“And wrestling,” Ruby says. “You’re very good at that.”

Kris blushes and tilts her head down. “Thank you.”

Ruby bumps her shoulder. “Are you sure you’re not putting any weird spells on me?”

Kris turns to her, and they’re so close their noses bump. “Promise.”

Ruby can’t be blamed what happens next. The day has been weird enough. She’s just following the pattern.

Ruby leans in and kisses Kris, the softest press of lips she could have imagined. It’s quick, sweet, but it makes Ruby wonder if she should do more about it than sweet.

When she pulls away, Kris is blinking at her. Her eyes settle on wide confusion. “You kissed me,” she murmurs.

“Yeah,” Ruby says, laughing. She rubs her hand at the back of her neck. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

“Either I have misread may cues, or that – meant something.” Kris frowns. “Unless some of your kind kiss people without reason?”

“I mean, some do,” Ruby says, shrugging. “But, uh. No, I think it might have meant something.” She’s not used to feeling this off guard around Kris, this entranced. “Oh, my god, I think I’m into the alien deal.”

“The alien deal?” Kris repeats. The confusion slowly blurs to something next to hurt. “Oh, I understand. The novelty is what intrigues you.” She smiles, but it’s the tiniest bit sad. “That often occurs with my scientific research. I grow attached and tell the person, but when they learn I’m an alien their interest peaks and wanes. It makes sense. Humans crave new experiences.”

Ruby opens her mouth. “I mean, I might be interested in a new experience with you because you’re Kris Statlander the whole time. The alien bit just made it…obvious.”

Kris tilts her head, her smile shifting. “Made what obvious?”

Ruby huffs. “Aren’t you a human expert or something? You know.”

“True, but I’d rather have it confirmed.” Her face lights up. “I’d never want my academic biases to overtake empirical evidence.”

“Why does that make you hotter?” Ruby mutters. “Fine. I think – I like you. I have for a while, but I’ve been ignoring it. Everything with the Outcasts, and losing to you for the title.” She closes her eyes. “And you being all –” She pauses. “All you about it made me think about it, and now here we are. On a couch, with you making me talk.”

Kris’ smile grows. “You can kiss me again, if you’d like.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Ruby mutters. But she leans in anyway, tasting the smile on Kris’ alien lips.

~

Mini playlist: ET - Katy Perry Here (In Your Arms) - Hellogoodbye She Blinded Me with Science -Thomas Dolby Future Starts Now - Kim Petras

[youronlydarlin]

warning: fluff for the soul, sweet Simon giving me cavities because of how much he loves you

Eeeeee, m' mind is being plagued by Simon "I love my partner, anybody else can go fuck themselves" Riley who's mean to everybody else except you.

M' talkin his mood sours evey second he's not with you, till it reaches the point where he looks like he was born with a scowl on his face. And if looks could kill then everyone would be six feet under with how Simon looks as if he's ready to rip and tear.

His hand gripping the plastic bag filled with the snacks you were craving for while the other is clenched. To others, it seems like he might be on his way to punch a guy so hard it'll knock all of his teeth out. But truth is he's jus' reminiscing over the feeling of your hand in his :(

But the moment he gets home that menacing aura jus' goes. Poof!

Loudly declaring that he is back home with your cravings. And of course, darling you, being the most caring partner in the world run to him. He's holding you up in an instant, pulling down his mask and kissing you so sweetly on the lips.

He can stay like this forever. But only if forever was spent with you :)

a/n: I NEED HIM. I kinda needed something like this at the moment 🥲, so forgive me for such an abrupt and short post. Remember that you are loved and cared for, darlings!

Yours, truly,

–dolly

[goquokka00]

The Little Things (Bangchan Ver.)

The small things he does every day that make you feel oh, so special.

Bangchan | Minho | Changbin | Hyunjin Jisung | Felix | Seungmin | Jeongin

| Keeps You in His Lap |

I firmly believe that this man would 100% want you in his lap. Whether it's when you both are watching TV in the living room, you're both hanging out with the guys, or even when you come to visit him in the studio. It literally doesn't matter. Bangchan's lap is your throne, and he wants you to sit in it.

I feel like it doesn't even matter how you're sitting in his lap, too. His favorite is when you're facing him, your legs straddling his waist. That way, he can hold you close, and you can cling to him. But he doesn't mind your back against his chest, either. And you bet your ass his arms are always around you.

It doesn't matter if his hands are on your back or your waist, he just wants to hold you. Bonus points are when he rubs the areas you're feeling insecure about while you're in his lap, too. Don't like your stomach? He's gently rubbing it. Hate your thighs? This man is caressing them while massaging the muscle.

| Nuzzling into Your Neck |

I feel like he does this literally any time he's close to you. He does it when you're on his lap, when you both hug each other, when you're in bed and cuddling each other close. There's just something about the way you smell, and the way you cradle his head every time he does it. The crook of your neck is his safe space.

Bangchan does it a lot on the regular, however, I feel he does it a lot more when he's stressed or feeling overwhelmed. He won't voice his concerns; he'll just hide in you. He'll use your scent to calm down and will always go to his safe space that you're able to provide to him easily.

On top of that, he'll hold you close to him, refusing to let go of you until he's certain he feels better. He won't respond that much, knowing that it'll probably tickle. It's usually hums, grunts, "mhm"'s and "mm-mm"'s. You can definitely talk to him, though. It'll only add to the relaxation this man will experience while de-stressing.

| KISSES |

Guys, when I say this man is so sweet he'll give you cavities, I mean it. Any chance he gets, Bangchan will kiss you anywhere and everywhere. Your face, your shoulder, your neck, your lips, your head. You name it, he's kissed it. He kisses you good morning, then he kisses you goodbye whenever you or him leave the house, and then he'll kiss you hello when you see each other again, and then kiss you goodnight.

Whenever you're feeling down in the dumps or crying, Bangchan is immediately kissing those tears away, and then layering kiss after kiss on your forehead and cheeks. If you cramp really bad on your period, he's on his knees, kissing your belly to try and distract you from the pain.

Oh, and if you're insecure about any part of your body? Bangchan's lips are immediately there. It's kind of similar to how he'll rub the insecurities away while you're on his lap. If you're really struggling with the insecurity and the rubs aren't helping, then damn it, the kisses will. And he won't stop until you understand that every part of you is absolutely gorgeous.

| Compliments, Compliments, Compliments |

Bangchan loves complimenting you. I think he's made it his mission to compliment you as much as possible on literally anything he thinks you should be complimented on. Your clothes, your cooking, your video game skills, you just sitting on the couch with a bag of chips and stuffing your face while watching Bluey.

"Wow babe, you look absolutely stunning right now." "You're so cute, you know that?" "I absolutely love that beautiful brain of yours, baby." It's compliment after compliment after compliment. And if you're like him, where he gets shy after receiving one. Then he coos and teases you about it. Because you do the exact same thing to him.

"Aw, you getting shy?" "Look at you, baby! You're just the cutest--no, don't hide, baby..." "Oh, look at those red cheeks!" It's literally endless. But you both wouldn't have it any other way. It's just what you both do to each other.

| Pulls You In |

Okay, okay, okay, hear me out on this one. I feel like Bangchan will always, and I mean ALWAYS, pull you in by your waist for literally anything. Kisses, hugs, just needing you to be near him. He'll always swing and arm around your waist and pull you to him.

Bangchan will always use one hand when he does it, too. The other one is always kind of doing something else. If you're in front of him and he's pulling you in for a kiss, his other hand is on your cheek. If he's pulling you to his side, then he'll rest the other hand on your shoulder while kissing the side of your head.

And it's always by the waist. Nothing else. It's just something about how your entire body kind of stumbles into his, and you have to catch yourself on Bangchan in order to not fall. He finds it absolutely adorable. What's even more adorable is how you'll whine and tell him not to do that because you could, in fact, end up falling. But he'll only laugh in response, and then proceed to kiss, nuzzle, or hug your worries away.

A/N:: Oh my god I never realized that I haven't updated in a while you guys, and so I'm firstly sorry about that. But I do have a few things in the works, and so I'll be getting those out to you guys! I hope you enjoyed reading the beginning of The Little Things! Don't forget to like, reblog, or comment to let me know how I'm doing with writing and ideas and stuff. Love you guys, get some good sleep, eat something if you haven't, and stay in good health! ❤️❤️❤️

[dudethatsmyundeaduncle]

DP x DC AU

Danny's gonna adopt all the Halfas in Gotham whether he wants to or not, and it's gonna start with the little dead girl he found after crawling out of that portal in the league base.

Pt 2 here. My Au Art

...........................

There's a dead little girl sitting on the rug in front of Danny's coffee table curiously eating Cheetos.

Well, she's not all the way dead, only half, could even be a little less then that, Danny would know he's sort of the leading expert on being half dead.

Her skins blue, like comic book mystique blue, vibrant and impossible to miss. Shes got these big black eyes and a nasty split going straight through her upper lip to just under her right eye.

She's also missing her nose, it's just gone, no cartilage left over just the gaping nasal cavity like skulls have.

The little girl looks dead, she is dead, or she's at least as dead as Danny is which is almost exclusively in name only.

Her name is Curaré, Danny only knows it because it's been branded into the skin of the little girls neck, just under the curve of her bald skull.

Curaré is terribly thin, the little toddler sized T-shirt she has on hangs loose around her torso where baby fat should fill it out.

She's horrible to look at, a tiny nightmare, her corpse like coloring doing nothing to mitigate the appearance.

Curaré was neither a healthy nor normal little girl, there was no way Danny could have left that league facility without her.

Oh and she almost exclusively spoke in Spanish which made finding her dinner hard.

Not that Cheetos are really dinner, little kids need to eat more then that Danny was pretty sure, like 89% sure. Although they did have a lot of calories...

Danny tilts his head absently as he looks at her, the little demon being illuminated red and green by the glow of the TV. She's enraptured by the Scooby doo rerun Gotham's only spanish language channel is playing tonight.

As if she can feel his eyes she turns to him and tilts her head the same way.

Danny blinks at her, Curaré blinks back.

" Uh- " Danny starts, trying to remember anything from his Spanish elective from sophomore year. God, his teacher had been right he had needed to study more. " The Cheetos, you like them? They're uh...bueno? Oh! Son Buenos?"

He points his finger down at the snack sized bag in her grasp, her fingers are tiny , they must be so fragile, looking at the desperate grasp they have on the bag makes Danny's chest hurt. How could anyone be so small? Had Danny ever been that small?

Curaré blinks again, long and slow, processing Danny's words. She looks down at her Cheetos and back up at Danny then she carefully holds the bag out to him.

" Oh no that's ok they're for you kiddo" Danny insists.

Curaré shakes the bag at him, like enticing a stray cat with treats but he only shakes his head again.

She gives up after that, shrugging and turning back to her cartoons.

Inside her chest Danny can feel her ghost core vibrate placidly as Scooby and Shaggy run across the TV in a panic.

Danny's own core can't help but try to match it's frequency, a low contented humming echoes between them, safe it seems to say.

Curaré can't be older then 4, which means she was resurrected young and that she died even younger. Danny doesn't know how any of it happened, halfas aren't created easily, the amount of energy needed...

She's so small.

He hopes it was fast, whatever it was that did this to her, made her like him.

Danny also hopes that her injuries aren't permanent. Some ghosts keep the carnage of their corpses well into the after life but as a Halfa Curaré should heal, even if she got those injuries during her ressurction. For her sake it'll be much easier to find some sense of normalcy if she isn't always actively bleeding, even if the blood itself is just an ecto-echo of real blood.

Danny curls his knees up to his chest and hides his face for a moment just trying to breathe. He's too young to be taking care of a toddler, he's still six months away from turning 18 and hes got school on Monday. His eyes burn and his throat constricts as he tries to swallow.

No one else but Danny would know how to take care of Curaré, and she's got no family to try and stumble their way through it. Danny can't take her back to the league and he sure as hell isn't going to search for whoever put that brand on her neck.

Even if he dropped her off at the fire station Gotham only has one Meta focused orphanage, it's state run and all the kids in it have to wear little prison style jump suits. And the food sucks, Danny can personally vouch for that.

She doesn't have a home, she's just as out of place here in Gotham as Danny is. Danny really wishes, not for the first time, that he had an adult here. Like Jazz or hell even Mr. Fuckin Lancer.

Just anyone. Anyone who could tell Danny what to do about this. Who could help him out with the child he's suddenly acquired.

He wishes anyone else was here so it wouldn't just be him and Curaré. Two dead kids sitting on the floor of a studio apartment in the Bowery watching cartoons.

What a pair the two of them will make, oh God. Danny laughs as a few tears stain his jeans.

Curaré makes a curious little noise that has Danny forcing his head up. She's reached the inevitable end of her snack sized bag and she looks absolutely devastated. She turns to look at him, tilting the empty bag towards him as if to say ' can you believe this shit!'

Danny can't help but give her a watery smile, no more crying Fenton, and wipes his nose on the back of his hand.

" Okay, one thing at a time." Danny tells himself. " You finished your Cheetos and now it's time for dinner, right? Stop me if I'm wrong."

Curaré just looks at him.

Danny's not worried, they're gonna have all the time in the world to teach her to appreciate humour and also English.

" I'm going to take that as a yes. " Danny hops up off the floor and goes to find his phone, nobody does dinner like the local Batburger.

Little foot steps follow him into the hallway, he'll have to get used to that sound he's going to be hearing it a lot.

Food first, everything would be better after they ate.

...............

For BG I imagine he's been living in Gotham for a few months and found Curaré while popping in and out of different portals in Gotham. (Who woulda guessed that some portal in Gotham leads right to the lazarus pit)

Note: if u wanna see cool art for this AU it's all in the Danny and the little dead girl au tag on my pg!

[shuahaes]

baking w/ the hip-hop unit!

svt hhu x reader; established relationship; all fluff, sfw

HHU | VCU | PFU

warning: only food mentions, otherwise its all just fluff + unhinged wonwoo in his part !! not proofread btw !!

CHOI SEUNGCHEOL (S.COUPS)

hes so excited to bake a cake w his baby 🥺

but this man gets so pouty so easily

he'd prob drop an egg and get pouty or accidentally spill flour on the counter

but he'd try his best to be helpful yk

trying to follow the recipe as best he can

and if u even SIGH out of slight annoyance while trying to mix the batter

he WILL be taking the beater from u and doing it for u

would also do his best to give u a massage afterwards

he says he'll take them out of the oven for u bc he doesnt want u to feel the heat from it so he does it (while wearing mitts ofc)

and then he gets pouty bc its too hot

even tho he wanted to do it 💀

definitely pouty if the cake was deformed

would def help u clean up the mess

CUDDLES AFTER 🥺

JEON WONWOO

i am a firm believer of unhinged wonwoo with his s/o

like yes he'd follow the recipe

but what if he's in a silly goofy mood

would probably say he's an expert baker because he played cooking mama every day for two weeks 💀

prob says "f**k the recipe, i'll bake like cooking mama"

but still follows the recipe bc of you

maybe heart shaped cookies (like that one picture)*

gives u a kiss after bc the cookies were so good

KIM MINGYU

this man is a klutz but also an amazing chef??

most definitely the best baker in hhu

but not without almost breaking your stand mixer

or getting batter all over the counter and some splattering on the walls 😔

cracked an egg but when he went to put the yolk in another bowl for the recipe, it exploded

dw though, your desserts turned out fine

he was pouty abt the stand mixer almost breaking (BUT ITS FINE)

but thats nothing cuddles cant solve, isn't it?

CHWE HANSOL (VERNON)

its vernon.

there is a very low chance that the dessert will end up edible

why?

because he will most definitely forget to read the recipe measurements and it might end up so sweet that it'll give you a cavity within the first bite

or it could end up as him putting too much salt instead of sugar

reason being, the poor boy couldnt tell the difference bc he missed the jars labels 😭

it may not end up edible

but its the thought that counts, right?

at least he helped his beautiful s/o 🤩

A/N - FINALY DID THE HHU VER!! omg posting this in the daytime instead of the dead of night? im so proud of myself 🤭 a huge thank u to @kwantaro mahi <3 for helping me come with a few of the hcs, so ty mahi !!

*this photo of wonwoo that i was talking about

[grandlinedreams]

Heya!! Hope you’re doing well <3 love the writing you’ve been spoiling us with ^_^ 🫶

If you’re open to requests, would it be okay to ask for headcannons form Zoro, Sanji and Law and a reader who unintentionally “works till they drop”? Like, they’re bothered or upset about something- but isn’t sure how to confront or deal with it, so they just keep on working till they just crash in bed, sleep, wake up and repeat?

Sorry if thats a bit much to ask-! You can ignore this eheh… wishing you the best and hope you have a good day <3

Oh i absolutely can do that!! But also I hope you're doing well bb, make sure to eat well and stay hydrated!!

[Heads up!: some unhealthy habits, comfort, the boys being good boys 😌]

Zoro ㅡ He may give the impression that he doesn't pay attention to what you do during the day, but he does ㅡ especially when you usually end up napping with him sometime during the day.

So when you stop and he starts seeing less and less of you because you're busy from sun up to sundown, he knows something is up. He also knows that confronting you outright probably isn't the best eay to go if it's something you haven't brought up yourself, so he does it in a roundabout way.

Grabbing at your hand when you pass by his napping area of the afternoon, he simply tugs until you end up leaning against him, arm thrown over your shoulder. "Nap with me," he says simply, and you frown.

"Zoro, I have stuff to doㅡ"

"It'll be there when you wake up." His tone is firm, clear that he won't be taking a 'no' for an answer. When you relent, he hums. If you fall asleep, that's fine. If you don't, that's also fine ㅡ Zoro's intent is to just get you to stay still long enough for your body to get some rest.

And then later, if you feel up to it, he'll ask if you want to talk.

ㅡ

Sanji ㅡ Like Zoro, he knows your routine and any deviation from it immediately sends off warning bells, especially when you start neglecting the snacks and drinks he brings you. (It doesn't go to waste, you give it to Luffy who has no qualms in telling Sanji it's him who ate/drank them, not you.)

"Mon petit chou," he coos as he sets down the delicate flute and plate, "A snack befitting someone as sweet as yourself."

"Thanks Sanji," you say, "I'll eat it in a second."

You don't look up, and Sanji frowns. "I think Luffy might finally get a cavity if you keep feeding him extra sweets."

You freeze. "Sanji...it's not that I don't want to want it, I just..." He holds a hand up.

"Being busy is fine," he says, tone soothing, "but you need to make time for yourself too."

He's right, you know that ㅡ amd you appreciate the reminder, as well as the affectionate hand on your shoulder and kiss to your forehead.

When Sanji checks later, both the glass and plate are empty, and smiles to himself Luffy whines about not getting a predinner snack.

ㅡ

Law ㅡ Truthfully as someone who does the exact same thing, Law's a little horrified it takes him as long as it does to see how bad it's gotten with you.

He feels guilty and tries to get you to talk about it because he knows something is bothering you ㅡ and if you don't, he gets it. But he also won't just sit back and let you tear yourself apart like that either.

So when he demands you take breaks, he does so himself ㅡ gives you the ultimatum of building healthier coping skills with you rather than let you do it alone.

"Are you speaking as my captain or my doctor?" You ask at one point when he tells you that you need to take a break, and his eyes flash before he leans over you.

"As your boyfriend," he intones, lets his fingers drift along the line of your jaw and up to brush hair from your face. He isn't above using affection as incentive, and it's amazing the turnaround he gets from you when kisses are involved.

[aizawaiscrazy]

The Sweet Tooth & The Baker

This is my first post on here, and it is just a copy & paste from a previous work I did on AO3! I wanna start posting on here, but I'm not sure if I will yet, so this is just to see how it'll go! -- Enjoy!~ --

Aizawa had a sweet tooth, and that's something most didn't know about. He liked cakes, cookies, pies, anything that was sweet, he liked, as long as it wasn't too sweet that is. He also loved you, which you were like a sweet. Sweet enough to give someone cavities. But he didn't become your boyfriend, just because you were sweet. There were so so many reasons.

"Shota!~" You called out to your boyfriend as you walked through his classroom door. Lunch just started, and like usual, Aizawa forgot his lunch, being the kind girl you are, you bought it to him. He grunts in your acknowledgement, not looking up from his papers, but you could see how much more relaxed he got when you entered, the way his shoulders fell, and a quiet sigh escaped his lips.

You set down his lunch, grinning widely. "I made ya somethin'.." You grin wider when Aizawa stops his writing and looks at the bento box you bought him, along with another small container on top.

He opened the container, and like he guessed, some cookies were in there, along with a small cake pop. You, were a pastry chef along with a baker. You went to school for it, worked at a bakery/pastry shop since you do both, and have your own shop, which is how you and him met. He had a sweet-tooth, and you loved baking. So of course, whenever you could, you'd make him something.

"I also got enough for your class and the other teachers if you wanted to share."

Aizawa grunts and stares at you. "Dunno if I wanna share." He muttered, though you could tell by the small smirk on his face, he was only kidding. Aizawa loved to show you off, and if he gave others your cookies, it'll show how he got you, and how no other teacher could, and if the kids piss Aizawa off too much, he can just threaten to take away their cookies. Win win for him.

"There's more cake pops at home!~ Your favorite ones too! Cute little cat ears on them and whiskers." You giggle at the way his face heated from embarrassment, but it wasn't a lie, it was in fact his favorite. The flavor was chefs kiss, and the look was a bonus.

You swear you have to sometimes remind him he can't just eat all your sweets. Of course, he doesn't eat 30 of them at once, but he sometimes forget to eat other foods during the day, so you have to remind him that he can't just have a donuts, or cookie, for his meals.

Although you were a great baker, you weren't as great a good. You could make ramen, and sandwiches.. a grilled cheese? Point is, you couldn't cook, not well, so Aizawa was the cook of the house, you were the baker. He taught you some tricks and you taught him some tricks, and it all works out. He finds it adorable whenever you get flour all over yourself, smiling widely as you hold your sweet of the day.

Or how you look proudly at your display in your shop, looking at the cute designs on some of them. Another perk of dating a baker, is he gets to taste test a lot of the sweets you make before you put them out.

You make desserts, muffins, bread, even chocolate sometimes. Whatever you were in the mood for, you made it. Aizawa is also hoping you'll make the wedding cake. Make it exactly how you like it. Though knowing you, you'll teach him some more tricks and y'all can make it together.

You stay with him for lunch, and then leave. Once the class comes back, they immediately smell the cookies you made and they all feel their mouth water.

Aizawa groans and gives each of them a cookie with a napkin, though, before any of them could dig in, his hair floated and his eyes turned red. "If anyone dare say they taste bad, you'll be expelled." He threatens and they all nodded their heads.

The threat had them scared, though, once they sunk their teeth in, they couldn't help but be in heaven.

"Who made these, Mr. Aizawa?! I needa know!" Toru shouted and Mina agreed loudly.

"None of you-" He stops mid-scentence. "Y/N's Bakery made them. She's a friend and dropped by." Aizawa noted how the students scribbled the name down, even Bakugo did, hell even Tokoyami, but he couldn't blame them. After all, his love was amazing.

You'd get a lot of customers now, and you'd be so happy, and Aizawa couldn't help the small smile that formed over his lips.

[uchiwife]

∧,,,∧ ~ ┏━━━━━━━━━┓

( ̳• · • ̳) ~ ♡𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐨 | 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ♡

/ づ ~ ┗━━━━━━━━━┛

⋆˚✿˖° 𝖢𝖮𝖬𝖯𝖫𝖤𝖳𝖤𝖣 ⋆˚✿˖°

𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Itachi Uchiha/Sakura Haruno

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : The story follows Itachi and Sakura throughout their lives, from childhood to adulthood.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings: fluff, so sweet it'll give you cavities. (Story containing gifs narrated with text) | Posted on August 12, 2022.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ ⤷ Read here

𝗵𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗸

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Itachi Uchiha/Sakura Haruno

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Sakura loves playing hide-and-seek with Naruto and Sasuke, her two best friends, but today she found something quite different.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : pre-genin era, fluff, humor, no uchiha massacre [ Posted on August 19, 2022.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ ⤷ read here

𝗔𝘀𝗵𝗲𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Itachi Uchiha/Sakura Haruno

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Sakura always looked forward to his summoning crows because it meant she would finally see him again, but today the crow appeared when she least expected it... And Itachi rarely deviates from his plans. So this can't be a good omen, can it?

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : The Uchiha massacre happened, Heavy angst, major character death. [Posted on August 23, 2022.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗧𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆!

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Itachi Uchiha/Sakura Haruno

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Today is the day Sakura decided to confess her love to her long time friend. She thinks it might be time to either win him over or move on… 𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐓. Is that Itachi!? Oh my gooood. Did he just kiss a girl!?!?!?

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : Slice of life, fluff, angst and some humor. [Posted on September 11, 2022.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on Ao3 「Last edited May 20, 2024.」

𝗠𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Itachi Uchiha/Sakura Haruno & Shisui Uchiha/ Sakura Haruno

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Sakura loves him. She knows she does. Yet he seems determined to believe that she’s mistaken about the nature of her feelings.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : unrequited love? Confused!Sakura. Slight humor, eventual romance [Posted on September 30, 2022.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on Ao3

𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗱

✩彡 ･ﾟPairings : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha, Sakura Haruno/Gaara , Naruto Uzumaki/Hinata Hyuuga

✩彡 ･ﾟ Characters : Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Itachi, Sabaku no Gaara, etc. ( some characters will only be mentioned.)

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Maybe Sakura was wrong. Maybe she had been fooling herself about him. Maybe she had imagined half of their interactions. Maybe it was all in her head. That must be it, otherwise how could she explain what she had witnessed?

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : Epic friendship, romance, humor, fluff, unrequited love or is it?, angst, open ending [Posted on December 5, 2022.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on Ao3

𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Shisui Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Shisui was just a soldier, witnessing the violence and atrocities of war since he was old enough to walk, and then there she was, surrounded by flowers, the most beautiful of all, his lovely cherry blossom. Pure, innocent, she was the most beautiful landscape he'd ever seen. (Story containing gifs narrated with text.)

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : first love, romance, heavy angst, implied/referenced violence, 4GNW, major character death [Posted on March 29, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗥𝗮𝗽𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝗼 𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁

✩彡 ･ﾟPairings : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha , Naruto Uzumaki/Sasuke Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : A woman walks into a bar… et le reste appartient à l’histoire.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : humor, sexual tension, implied sexual content, implied/referenced blow jobs, drinking, jealousy, fluff without plot, friendships, eventual romance, no Uchiha massacre, past Haruno Sakura/Hyuuga Neji, awkward & secret crush. [Posted on April 1, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗛𝘂𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗠𝗼𝘀𝘁

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Sakura doesn't know when it started, but she knows how it will end. After all, she’s once again dealing with an Uchiha. It must be her curse.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : medic Haruno Sakura, Anbu Uchiha Itachi, angst, injury, emotional hurt, denial of feelings, fights, arguments, break up, male-female friendship, misunderstanding, alcohol, some humor, eventual fluff, angst with a happy ending [Posted on April 23, 2023]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on ao3

𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗹𝗱

✩彡 ･ﾟPairings : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha , Uchiha Itachi/Shisui Uchiha, Sakura Haruno/Undisclosed

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : What's the point of being sorry? The damage is already done.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : modern setting, cheating, hurt no comfort, implied sexual content, attempt at humor, fluff, heartbreak, angst with a happy ending [Posted on June 14, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗢𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼’𝗱 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗲

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Uchiha Itachi

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Sakura loves movies, popcorn and yelling at the characters on her TV screen. And then there's Itachi.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : friends to lovers, fluff & humor, short&sweet, childhood memories, movie reference, OS, romantic comedy [Posted on July 22, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗔𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Uchiha Sasuke ft Narusakusasu [platonic]

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : They’re friends, right?

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : canon divergence, friends to lovers, no Uchiha massacre, fluff & humor, team 7 as family, past relationships, male-female friendship, eventual romance, jealousy if you squint, idiots in love, possessive uchiha sasuke [Posted on November 3, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on ao3

𝗛𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Shisui Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : “I need an angel to save me from myself. Holding my savior keep my heart upon the shelf.”

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : strangers to friends to lovers, Uchiha massacre, canon divergence, near death experience, character death, slow romance, canon-typical violence, platonic soulmates, hint of narusasu, team 7 as family, BAMF Haruno Sakura, angst with a happy ending [Posted on November 5, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗮𝗹

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Uchiha Sasuke

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : “ […] She fidgeted under his gaze. He'd always had a particular way of scrutinizing her. It was almost as if he was looking into her soul, and it was sometimes quite unsettling, but that was Sasuke.”

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : modern setting, friends to lovers, feeling realization, misunderstanding, idiots in love, fluff & humor, childhood friends, tooth-rotting fluff, protective Uchiha Sasuke, pop culture references [Posted on November 24, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗪𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲, 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Past Sakura Haruno/Kin Tsuchi, Sakura Haruno/Uchiha Shisui

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : "This mɑn - for there's no doubt thɑt this strɑnger is one - hɑs no business meddling in her ɑffɑirs. He doesn't hɑve to hold her like he's ɑfrɑid she'll disɑppeɑr, like he knows her, like she's one of his loved ones. She's none of those things. She’s nothing."

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : heavy angst, suicide attempt, minor character death, depression, bisexual Haruno Sakura, post-break up, dark humor, family loss, pre-relationship, eventual fluff, movie reference, angst with a happy (hopeful) ending [Posted on December 8, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗬𝘂𝗮𝗻𝗳𝗲𝗻

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Madara Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : [yiun-fen] • Chinese

(𝗇.) 𝖺 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 𝖻𝗒 𝖿𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝗈𝗋 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗒;

𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖻𝗂𝗇𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝖼𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝗍𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗍𝗐𝗈 𝗉𝖾𝗈𝗉𝗅𝖾.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : Reincarnation, historical references, soulmates, canon divergence, civil war, falling in love, angst, major character death, 4GNW, minor sasusaku, bittersweet ending. [Posted on April 12, 2024.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on ao3

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗢𝗻𝗲 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗝𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀𝘆 [𝗙𝗔𝗞𝗘 𝗧𝗘𝗫𝗧𝗦]

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Uchiha Shisui

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Shisui may be feeling a little jealous, or maybe he's just imagining things.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : light angst, jealousy, insecurity, mention of past sexual relationship, fluff. [Posted on April 13, 2024.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on ao3

𝗦𝘂𝗯𝘀𝘁𝗶𝘁𝘂𝘁𝗲

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Uchiha Itachi

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Itachi loves Sakura, but not enough to be a substitute for his little brother, but is he really?

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : light angst, past sasusaku, fluff at the end. [Posted on July 30, 2024.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here (NEW RELEASE!!)

⋆˚✿˖°𝖮𝖭 𝖦𝖮𝖨𝖭𝖦...⋆˚✿˖°

𝗪𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗱

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/ Itachi Uchiha, Sakura Haruno & Shisui Uchiha, Itachi Uchiha & Shisui Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : They say that pain builds character, if so, then Sakura must have built a strong one.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : Established relationships, Heavy angst, hurt no comfort, drama, break up, modern setting, jealousy, friendship, eventual fluff, making out, sexual tension, protective shisui uhiha, illegal activities, murder, possibly unrequited love, denial of feelings, arguing, fights, implied/referenced character death,. [posted on April 26, 2023]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on ao3 (Last updated March 16, 2024)

𝗗𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗿𝗲𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairings : Itachi Uchiha/Original female character(s), Itachi Uchiha/Sakura Haruno, minor Sakura Haruno/Hoshigaki Kisame, minor Shisui Uchiha/Haruno Sakura etc,.

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Sakura knows she shouldn't, she knows it's wrong. She knows she’s a horrible person for even thinking about building her happiness on someone else’s pain. She wants to be selfish. But he's no better, is he? He wants to take, take and own everything she is. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Itachi is selfish like that. Or maybe they're just two jerks who deserve each other.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : modern setting, toxic relationships, Itachi is a little shit, cheating, sexual tension, manipulation, jealousy, angst, morally ambiguous, possessive behavior, implied sexual content, implied blow jobs, religion kink, humor, sexually experienced Sakura Haruno, love/hate, drama, gay character. [posted on May 9, 2023]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on ao3 (Last updated July 2, 2024)

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗵 𝗼𝗳 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairings : Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura & Shisui, Uchiha, Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Shisui

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : He comes home late, acts strangely, and she doesn't recognize him anymore. Time passes and things get worse. Maybe it's time to know what's really in the depths of her heart.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : modern setting, heavy angst, domestic violence, hurt no comfort, established relationship, drug use, emotional infidelity, unrequited love?, drama romance, drug addiction, falling in love, arguing, eventual happy ending. [Posted on May 10, 2023]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗞𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗨𝗽 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗨𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗵𝗮

✩彡 ･ﾟPairings : Sakura Haruno/Shisui Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : […] as she took a bite of her gyoza, Sakura wondered — and she would wonder for years to come - what on earth had possessed her to cause such a scandal during such a convivial dinner.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : modern setting, drama & romance, angst, attempt at humor, cheating, shisui is acting suspiciously, misunderstanding, arguing, fluff, implied sexual content. [Posted on March 30, 2023]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here (Last updated May 31, 2023)

𝗦𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗟𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗗𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairings : Sakura Haruno/Shisui Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : At the age of 6, Sakura believes there are only 4 essential things in this world: her parents, anmitsu, Ino Yamanaka and Shisui Uchiha.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : Modern AU, Unrequited love, Friendship, Multiple pairings, From childhood to adulthood, Angst [ with an eventual] happy ending. [Posted on October 5, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗦𝗶𝗹𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵𝘀, 𝗴𝗼𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairings : Sakura Haruno/Hidan, Itachi Uchiha/Sakura Haruno

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : 'Did he love her or was she just a trophy for him? Was she just a hole he could empty himself into whenever he felt like it, even when she didn't?'

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : angst, toxic relationships, gaslighting, verbal abuse, verbal humiliation, emotional infidelity, cheating, self-esteem issues, implied/referenced domestic violence, implied sexual content, panic attacks, Hidan swears, some fluff etc., [Posted on October 13, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on ao3

𝗖𝗮𝗻’𝘁 𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairings : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha, Shisui Uchiha/Sakura Haruno

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : You can't control your heart. Feelings come and go. We are only slaves to its whims.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : established relationship, love triangle, angst, falling in love, unrequited love, friendship/love, emotional infidelity, possibly polyamorous relationship, Awkward tension Itachi is so confused. [Posted on April 28, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here (Last updated January 21, 2024)

𝗚𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairings : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : “Three months. It had been three months since he'd sat at the same table, at the same time, taking the same thing in order to take part in what had become a ritual. He'd sensed that today was the day. That the young woman would eventually come to him.”

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : modern setting, mafia, police, pre-relationship, (possible) future fic. Given the theme, expect to read about sensitive subjects. Such as mentions of abuse, drugs, violence, illegal trafficking in almost any form. Please proceed with caution. [Posted on February 21, 2024.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on ao3

𝗟𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗶𝗻𝗷𝗮 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗺

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Itachi Uchiha/Sakura Haruno, Undisclosed Relationship(s)

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Sakura is a country girl who dreams of the big city. She always thought she'd travel someday, but the universe got in the way and now she's trapped in Konoha, except it's wasn't her Konoha. Stuck now with familiar but unfamiliar faces, she must find a way to navigate this new world.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings: Isekai fic. | Posted on September 19, 2024.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ ⤷ Read here (NEW RELEASE!!)

⋆˚✿˖°𝖣𝖱𝖠𝖡𝖡𝖫𝖤, 𝖥𝖨𝖢𝖫𝖤𝖳 & 𝖶𝖨𝖯.⋆˚✿˖°

𝗡𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗺𝗲, 𝗦𝗲𝗻𝗽𝗮𝗶!

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Itachi Uchiha/Sakura Haruno

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : A short, funny story featuring Itachi and Sakura in modern times.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : humor, fluff, modern au [Posted on November 13, 2022.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗦𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗽𝗶𝗱 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Itachi Uchiha/Sakura Haruno ft Sasuke Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Just Sasuke answering Sakura's stupid questions.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : humor, crack fic [Posted on November 17, 2022.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝘂𝗽

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Itachi Uchiha/Sakura Haruno

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Sakura thinks it's time to break up.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : past crush, fake/pretend relationship, break up, humor, fluff, modern setting [Posted on November 27, 2022.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on Ao3

𝗗𝗿𝘂𝗻𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Itachi Uchiha/Sakura Haruno

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Itachi falling on a drunk but adorable Sakura.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : humor, fluff, drunk!sakura [Posted on December 12, 2022.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗡𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗜 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Itachi Uchiha/Sakura Haruno

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Playing drinking games is fun, Itachi thinks, until scandalous revelations come to light.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : established relationships, Alcohol, Mention of past sexual relations, humor, friendship, threesome implied etc., [Posted on December 15, 2022.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗳𝘂𝗺 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗲𝗿

✩彡 ･ﾟPairings : Itachi Uchiha/Sakura Haruno/Shisui Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Everybody seems to like spring.🍃🌸

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : implied sexual content, threesome - F/M/M, sexual humor, romantic friendship, friends to lovers, eventual relationships, fluff, humor, Implied polyamory. [Posted on March 21, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on ao3

𝗦𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Shisui Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : It's 3 a.m., Shisui is drunk and thinks he's Stefan Salvatore.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : humor, parody [Posted on April 6, 2023]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗦𝘂𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗖𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗼𝗺𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Haruno Sakura & Uzumaki Naruto (platonic soulmates)

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : He was her sunshine on rainy days.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : fluff with light angst [posted on May 20, 2023]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗕𝗲𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗰̧𝗮𝗱𝗲

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Itachi Uchiha/ Unnamed Girlfriend , Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha, Yamanaka Ino & Sakura Haruno, Haruno Sakura & Itachi Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Sometimes anger hides something else.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : modern setting, enemies to friends to lovers (not really enemies), rivalry, angst, drama, female friendship, jealousy, frustration, denial of feelings, love/hate, unrequited hate, possible unrequited love, implied/referenced cheating, unreliable narrator, possible future fic [Posted on July 23, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗡𝗮𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Boruto wondered if Itachi-nii had changed his name.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : Set in the era of Boruto's next generation, humor [Posted on July 24, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗼𝗹

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Shisui Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Shisui asks Sakura out.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : Tooth-rotting fluff, attempt at humor [Posted on August 30, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗡𝗮𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀 (𝟮)

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha ft Sasuke Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Sasuke is annoyed. Is his teammate dating his brother because he looks like him?

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : parody (kind of) humor, established relationship (Posted on September 29, 2023.)

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗦𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗻𝗲𝘄

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : They’re in love, your honor.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : no Uchiha massacre, fluff, established relationship, sexual humor, sexual fantasy, implied sexual content, no smut, awkward romance [Posted on October 10, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on ao3

𝗡𝗮𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗾𝘂𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Just Sakura madly in love with her man

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : fluff [Posted on October 11, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗛𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Uchiha Itachi “as” Ross Geller. That’s it.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : fluff, light angst [Posted on November 9, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗣𝗶𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha ft Sasuke Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Sasuke is babysitting his nephew for the weekend.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : humor, married couple, uncle sasuke [Posted on November 11, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗦𝗮𝗸𝘂𝗿𝗮 𝗶𝗻 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Sakura speaks randomly in French to Itachi.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : established relationship, humor, fluff. [Posted on November 14, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗺𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝗯𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝘀

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Shisui Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Sakura wants to break up, but she also wants Kung Pao chicken and spring rolls.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : humor & fluff [Posted on December 27, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗡𝗮𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗾𝘂𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀 (𝟮)

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : mention of Itasaku, feat Sasuke

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : In which Sasuke learns that Sakura has an active sex life, and that Itachi, his older brother, is part of it.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : mention of past sexual relationships, crack, humor, dating [Posted on January 9, 2024.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲'𝘀 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗦𝗮𝗸𝘂𝗿𝗮

✩彡 ･ﾟPairings : Itasaku, NejiSaku, DeiSaku, HakuSaku, Sakura/Orochimaru, IzuSaku

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Sakura has a thing for men with long hair. She always has. That's why, when she takes part in a show designed to get all her exes in the same room, they realize that they have only one thing in common: their hair length.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : modern setting, past relationship(s), suggestive themes, crackfic, humor, Sakura is so done, all her boyfriends are nuts!! [Posted on January 17 & 18, 2024.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here or on ao3

𝗠𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝘆 𝗳𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗹𝘂𝗰𝗸… 𝗜'𝗱 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝗯𝘆 𝗧𝗶𝗸𝘁𝗼𝗸

✩彡 ･ﾟPairings : Sakura Haruno/Uchiha Shisui

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary : Just shisui falling in love with sakura at first sight.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent warnings : fluff without plot, some humor, romantic comedy [Posted on March 31, 2024.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ read here

⋆˚✿˖°𝖯𝖨𝖢𝖲/𝖵𝖨𝖣𝖤𝖮𝖲/𝖦𝖨𝖥𝖲 𝖨'𝖵𝖤 𝖤𝖣𝖨𝖳𝖤𝖣 𝖮𝖱 𝖢𝖱𝖤𝖠𝖳𝖤𝖣⋆˚✿˖°

𝗜𝗹𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟSummary: Imagine Sakura admiring Itachi's beauty in the rain. He knows she's there, but doesn't acknowledge her presence. Looking at him, she wonders how she ended up in the hands of the Akatsuki, first as a prisoner, then as Itachi's lover. Sakura fell in love with her former teammate's enemy.

Itachi is a man of few words and sometimes Sakura wonders if what they share is an illusion or reality. But it's in his subtle gestures and the way his body mold to hers during their sinful nights that she knows Itachi feels as much as she does, that he is on her side now and forever.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent type : Video. [Posted on September 18, 2022.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ watch here

𝗧𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗶 𝗱𝗶𝗲 𝗯𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟContext : 𝖲𝖺𝗄𝗎𝗋𝖺 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝖺𝗅𝗐𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝖺 𝘩𝘶𝘨𝘦 𝖼𝗋𝗎𝗌𝗁 𝗈𝗇 𝖨𝗍𝖺𝖼𝗁𝗂. 𝖲𝗁𝖾 𝖺𝖽𝗆𝗂𝗋𝖾𝗌 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖺𝗌𝗉𝗂𝗋𝖾𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝖺𝗌 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝖺 𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗈𝖻𝗂 𝖺𝗌 𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝖽𝖺𝗒. 𝖲𝗈 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗅𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗅𝗒 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝖺𝗇 𝗆𝖾𝖺𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝗎𝗉 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝗂𝗆, 𝗈𝗋 𝖺𝗍 𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗌𝗍 𝖻𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝗌 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘭. 𝖲𝗁𝖾 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝖾𝗋𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝖺𝗅𝗌𝗈 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖴𝖼𝗁𝗂𝗁𝖺 𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋. 𝖳𝗈 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝖿𝗎𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝖼𝖺𝗉𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗍𝖾𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗁𝗂𝗆. 𝖨𝗇 𝖿𝖺𝖼𝗍, 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗀𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍 𝗌𝗎𝗋𝗉𝗋𝗂𝗌𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖺𝗆𝗎𝗌𝖾𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍, 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝗎𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗌𝖾 𝖿𝗂𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝗂𝗆. 𝖨𝗍𝖺𝖼𝗁𝗂 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝖼𝗋𝗎𝗌𝗁 𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝖽𝖾𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗆𝗂𝗇𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗈𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋 𝖺𝖽𝗆𝗂𝗋𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾. 𝖲𝖺𝗄𝗎𝗋𝖺 𝗋𝖾𝗉𝖾𝖺𝗍𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗐𝗁𝗈 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝖽𝖺𝗒 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖴𝖼𝗁𝗂𝗁𝖺'𝗌 𝗌𝗂𝖽𝖾, 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖺𝗆𝗎𝗌𝖾𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝖽 𝗈𝗇𝖾𝗌.

𝖨𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌𝗇'𝗍 𝗎𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗅 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗈𝗅𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖨𝗍𝖺𝖼𝗁𝗂 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝖺𝗆𝖾 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗂𝗇 𝗁𝖾𝗋, 𝗍𝖺𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘭𝘺, 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗈𝗇𝗂𝖼 𝗐𝖺𝗒 ���𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝖺 𝖼𝗁𝗂𝗅𝖽, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺.

𝖨𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖾𝗇𝖽, 𝖲𝖺𝗄𝗎𝗋𝖺 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖺𝖼𝗁𝗂𝖾𝗏𝖾𝖽 𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗀𝗈𝖺𝗅𝗌.

𝘈𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘭, 𝘜𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥, 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘵, 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘣𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘶𝘭.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent type : Video. [Posted on September 24, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ watch here

𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟContext : A love/hate AU where Sakura would have been in love with Itachi all her life, but when he slaughters the uchiha clan (except for Sasuke) she finds herself heartbroken. She hears of Itachi's prowess throughout the five great Shinobi nations. He even joins the Akatsuki, much to her dismay. So she vows to bring Itachi to justice and bring him back to the village, even if it means dying. In this AU, Sakura is much stronger than in the canon, having devoted herself to her training from an early age.

Of course, she is unaware that the Uchiha massacre was ordered by the village's higher-ups, and that Itachi is in fact a spy.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent type : GIF. [Posted on October 24, 2023.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ watch here

𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗿𝗼𝘄 𝘀𝗽𝗼𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗼𝗺

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟContext : inspired by this.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent type : Edited Pics. [Posted on January 29, 2024.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ watch here

𝗠𝗮𝗱𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗲

✩彡 ･ﾟPairing : Sakura Haruno/Itachi Uchiha

✩彡 ･ﾟContext : None. Just Itachi and Sakura being pretty.

✩彡 ･ﾟContent type : Edited Pic. [Posted on April 3, 2024.]

✩彡 ･ﾟ⤷ watch here

⋆˚✿˖° REQUESTS⋆˚✿˖°

.

.

. …. None for the moment, it's a new concept. If you feel like it, you can send me some. If you're shy, you can do it anonymously. All I ask is that you remain respectful and kind.♡

[toxictigertonic]

HIII i absolutely adore your outlast trials headcanons, they're so silly and accurate .. if u don't mind, could you maybe do one of the prime assets going to the movie theater? that'd be so funny

Took a little break to give my brain more time to soak in the outlast bathtub, but I'm back with more silly.

COYLE

- He wouldn't take his sunglasses off for the movie I'm saying this right now. It could be a 3D movie and he'd just put the glasses over top of his own.

- Kinda guy to get a hotdog at the movies instead of just popcorn. Then he complains about the price to the underage cashier.

- He likes to watch cop and action movies, imagines himself being the protagonist through the whole movie. He wishes he was that cool.

- Leaves popcorn on the floor and his empty cup in the cup holder because "it's their job to clean it up".

- Would try to steal snacks that Gooseberry brought in. She was gonna share them anyway but if he's gonna be like that he can starve.

- Shushes anybody who even breathes too loud when the movie is going. He is Locked In and if you distract him he's going to kick your ass.

- Due to being this locked in, he will hold his piss for however long the movie is. He's not missing a second of this, he'll piss himself if he has to.

- Does not care what seat he actually bought, he's gonna sit where he likes and you're gonna deal with it. Dick.

- Would try to smoke a cigarette inside of the theater and have to be escorted out. Would not go quietly.

- Does not stay to see if there's anything after the credits, misses out every time. It's not that he doesn't know, he doesn't believe that there's actually anything to see.

MOTHER GOOSEBERRY

- Brings a purse full of snacks with her. She is unwilling to spend 20 dollars on a little bit of candy. Still gets popcorn though, nobody can resist movie theater popcorn.

- Futterman wants to watch gorey horror movies while she wants to watch romcoms or just comedies in general.

- Futterman will complain through the whole movie if he's forced to watch a romcom. And he's loud about it too, the other movie goers would complain, but... that goose is scary.

- If he got his wish and they're watching a horror movie, he's cheering when characters die. Fuck the protagonists he's here for BLOOD.

- Futterman also complains about her snack choices. Candy? SUGAR? Think of the cavities, Phyllis!!

- She doesn't talk during movies but she is the one softly gasping whenever something like a plot twist happens.

- Futterman is face down in the popcorn bucket just munching away. He's gonna need a bath (read: get dunked in the sink) when they get home.

- Futterman would crack shitty jokes during quiet parts. Don't laugh it'll only encourage him to do it again.

- Phyllis is also a "hold it until the movie is over" kinda person but only because Futterman throws a fit if he misses out on parts. That's if they're watching a horror movie, if it's a romcom he's begging her to leave lol.

- Refills her popcorn before she leaves and brings it home with her.

FRANCO

- He actually can't eat popcorn bc the kernels get stuck in his teeth and it's uncomfortable :(

- Instead of eating popcorn, he's scarfing down candy. He strikes me as a gummy kind of guy.

- Gooseberry is actively rushing him past the snacks and candy bc he WILL try to buy 8 different kinds of candy and end up spending 60 dollars. He has the money but he does NOT need to experience a sugar rush halfway through a movie.

- He'd also go for horror movies, but also mafia/mob movies. Would shout at the screen about inaccuracies.

- Out of all of the assets, he's the one talking during the movie. He has a hard time sitting still and he's not completely paying attention and he wants Gooseberry to tell him what he missed. Coyle is shushing him the whole time.

- Despite being the one that keeps yapping, he'll kick the back of someone else's seat if he thinks they're talking too loud.

- Also leaves a mess of candy wrappers and spilled drinks, just like Coyle. He just doesn't care tbh.

- Gets up 9 separate times to use the bathroom, has to step in front of Coyle each time to get out of the row. They're gonna kill each other after the movie.

- If somebody else tries to step over his legs to get out of the row, he'd trip them. The menace.

- Gooseberry is clapping her hand over his eyes if there's any nudity and he is FIGHTING to move her hand away. Let him see!!

I would watch a movie with Phyllis and only Phyllis everyone else can wait in the car (sorry Franco)

[missamyrisa2]

(That cleaning ask made me want to pull this mini story back out and write some more~!!)

I don't want to post it here because I'm sure it'll get flagged but you can view the artwork I had done for this scenario here:

Miss Amy struggled and squirmed. She tried and failed to stifle her voice again, and such futile fighting only encouraged her tormentor further. Her outfit hung neatly on a rack nearby. The gentle fuzzy fabric of her cropped sweater and the flirty short length of her denim skirt with the wide belt and flower buckle were by no means a tickle-proof outfit, but anything would be better than the total exposure she faced now.

At times in her giggly delirium the reflection in the many video feeds offering multiple angles of her plight seemed so far away, like it was another helplessly ticklish girl ensnared in this fiendish machine. "Navel cavity is at 43 point! tooo percent lint coverage. Proceeding with water cleanse" the robotic voice chimed with child-like enthusiasm and feminine flirtations. "No not again! Not the waterrrr!!"

Amy pleaded as with a mechanical wind a thick arm lowered and extended a metal nozel, carefully positioning itself as the padded cuffs on Amy's wrists and ankles moved her gently. She summoned her strength to wiggle away from the tip, but the incoming tool simply recalibrated. Amy watched in giggly horror as the water flowed freely into the attached tube, and with a little kick, the apparatus began blasting her sensitive divot with a concentrated stream.

It was like an endless parade of poking fingertips, with droplets scattering on her outer belly like teasing after touches. She shrieked and struggled, the jet following a strategic pattern to clean every tiny bit of her bellybutton. A familiar chime dinged into the bathing room and Amy shook her head, wiggling her toes and fingers.

"No no no!!"

"Feet. And Underarms. Have become layered in sweat. Recommend additional scrub."

"Don't scrub me again!!"

"Scrub approved. Cutie."

Amy shook her head as the cleansing machine's teasing voice and digital face smiled brightly. Mechanical whirls started up as spinning soft brushes spun into view and targeted her feet. The machine gently bent her legs back to hold her soles up for the incoming tools. She cackled out feeling the suds dripping from high into the crevice under her toes, and squealed madly as the brushes moved in to work their tickly cleansing magic.

Next, a gloved hand appeared in front of her and wiggled its big fingers. The robotic hand mercilessly coated her sensitive underarms with soap, careful to ensure the deepest crevice and all the edges were coated before moving to the next as a scrubby brush whizzed down and began merrily shuffling in circles.

How long had the cleaning been going on? Amy lost track a while ago. Certainly a trap set by one of her archenemies, the machine was possibly designed with noble purposes. But whoever set it here loaded a routine which Amy could not break, goals it couldn't fulfill. The cleaning at her belly caused sweat. The cleaning at her feet and underarms put dust and bubbles into her midsection.

Maybe the machine was purposefully doing so? Was it sentient? Such thoughts were lost when she realized her body was giving away a secret. She tried desperately to keep it down, her mind flooding with awful imagery to resist the touch, that soft tease. But it was a losing battle.

Another mechanical whirl as a scanning eye passed down her belly and between her legs with a tingly pink beam. Amy blushed hotly, she didn't want to acknowledge what all this slippery tickling and teasing had been doing to her body, and certainly couldn't hide it.

"Miss Amy is aroused. Controlled ticklegasm is recommended."

"T-Ticklegassm??"

There was no doubt the intent of this cruel cleaning machine now.

"Erotic hydrotherapy approved."

The machine dinged happily as two new implements sprung out from under the digital smirking face. A gentle sponge began slowly grazing her royal jewels, and a fluffy cloth on a robotic appendage started draping against Amy's swollen princess part. She squeaked a gigglemoan, pulling uselessly against the padded cuffs. Her body gyrated and tried to resist the soft supply slick affections.

The soft cloth draped up to the underside of her tip and mercilessly stimulated it with the tickliest of touches, like the flirty kiss of a lover. The sponge kept moving back and forth, cleansing again and again under her most royal areas. Her thighs quivered. The robotic hands began buffing her nipples with detail brushes, and occasionally sneakily tweaking and rubbing earnestly to make her really let out throaty moans.

Her resistance worn down, Amy soon tumbled into a soft ticklegasm amid the flying suds, gigglemoaning herself silly. Her head lay low, body going loose as the sensations rocketed all over her body, her royal milk coaxed out in perky spurts. Every peak of the ticklegasm had her screaming, struggling in the cuffs, and the machine never relented its gentle cleansing extraction and tickly touches.

And the beeps continued as scans rolled over her trembling body.

"High likelihood of residual ticklegasm honey. Engage drainage procedure."

Amy gasped and squealed out her words, trying madly to find any strength to stop as her body was moved into another position.

"Don't you dareeee you ffffff nnnnhh stupid bucket of boltss turn it offfff!!"

But she was helpless to resist as the machine flipped her around and gently spread her legs. From above a large vibrating began descending, and from the side a soft flexible tendril spun into view. Both were shiny and pink, both emblazoned with cute names. The wand was labeled "Finessa" and the tendril named "Caressa".

"Oh what the actual fuuuuuuuuuuckk~!! fuck fuck fuckkk!!!" She started whining and was soon nothing but a stream of desperate laughing moaning f-bombs as Finessa quickly went to work buzzing the underside of her still-throbbing princess part while Caressa was glistening with lubricant applied by the robot hands before diving in between Amy's legs to probe up to her honeyspot.

Her body shook and shivered and struggled and bounced, the sister tools working in tandem to tease Amy along into a further fuzzy ticklegasm with their vibrating tickly touches. As Amy bucked up, Finessa followed and grazed that death spot. When she pulled back, Caressa was there gliding along inside to stroke carefully on that most hidden of tickle spots.

All around, the cleaning tools gradually re-engaged. Scrubbing brushes taunted at Amy's feet. Sponges slid along her ribs and under her arms. The jets tauntingly sprayed whenever Amy was in the middle of a deep belly moan, targeting her navel and thighs mostly but also making sure to get her nipples and toes too. The sudsy jet floated freely, almost whimsically depositing its sparkly tingly bubbles all about this teased helpless body.

This time around, the machine made Amy ticklegasm hard. She was nothing but nonsense and cussing, her body quaking with overload, stuck in an arch as Caressa relentlessly dipped in and out while Finessa held taut but barely touching on the underside of her tip. They tickled and tickled until Amy released all her princess milk, indeed draining every bit.

"Ticklegasm has resulted in a messy Miss Amy. Recommend an extension of cleansing procedure."

[icantthinkyandere]

What do you think abt two yanderes fighting eachother to get to their master? Like im having so many brain rotting ideas my brain has a cavity.

Who do you think would be best to fit these rolls??

{Arjuna alter vs Morgan Le Fay}

Hear me out.

I love Arjuna a lot after reading his interlude a long time ago, and I love Arjunalter even more. I also love Morgan a lot after reading Avalon. So, they're on my mind a lot and very biased.

They're both very desperate for love now that they're on Chaldea and able to relax. They can have it.

While they can still fall for a staff but it's more likely to get obsessed with the master since they've seen them at their worse but yet they are still kind to them now that they're in Chaldea.

They know full well they can't kill or fight each other. They 100% want to because they want to protector and devoted lover of their darling master. The only thing they can really do is throw catty insults at each other. The Fea Knights have offered to take care of him for her, but she doesn't want them to get in trouble or fade away. Morgan doesn't want that because she wants Baobhan to have an actually good step parent that doesn't lead to her death.

They're not very manipulative mainly because they think their relationship with their beloved is fine. Even if they're not (or something have stopped them from thinking they're in a relationship with you already) in a relationship, they think the relationship is perfectly. You've already accepted their flaws, and they're a wonderful partner for you.

Arjunalter can't get anyone on his side to support his relationship because he's not the most trusted servant, and the only people Morgan can get on her side are the Fae knights. They're all trying their best, even if it's not the best in reality.

Arjunalter and Morgan are trying their hardest not to go back to their violent ways because they want to prove that they've changed. But they hate each other so much since they believe they are either in a relationship with you or are on the edge of getting married.

The only thing they can do is throw insults at each other and pray that something happens to make the other disappear completely

{Merlin vs Lady Avalon}

I feel like anyone else would say Merlin and Lady Avalon would work together. But I just don't think they would. They both want what they want and won't let even themselves get in the way.

They already knew how similar they were, and then it really set in when they realized they had the same exact plan to isolate their love to make them dependent on them. They're getting in each other's way by interrupting personal time at any chance.

Da Vinci and Sherlock suggest maybe just working together? They declined, saying that even they know two of them is too much. The real reason being they'll just argue about what to do or it'll quickly show their darling that these aren't real lessons, just them trying to isolate you from other servants and staff

They're teachers, mentors, etc. They give a lot of themselves to other people, so now that they have such strong feelings for someone, they would like to be a little selfish for once. Which means not sharing even if that person is you with a different look.

Unlike Arjunalter and Morgan, who are trying to be on their best behavior despite wanting to rip each other's throats out. These two only look like they're on their best behavior. They are playing 20 D chess with each other, with them trying to manipulate anyone they can to their side into believing the other is evil and should die.

This goes with the person of their affection, too. Constantly trying to make the other look as bad as they can, from pointing obvious already known flaws, making things up, and finding the most obscure Merlin facts they can find.

Sometimes, the race to be the only one gets so intense that they forget they're even battling for someone's affection, allowing some other servant or staff member to get uncomfortably close. So, they have to derail their plans to ruin each other, to get this person away while trying to make sure the other isn't getting closer to their love in the process! It's a loop of desperately trying to stay one step ahead.

They don't really care about the other servants that they ruin the reputation of, unless it's Arthur and the Artorias. Even if they do think Merlin and Lady Avalon are weird, they still trust and love them. So, making them believe the Merlin/Lady Avalon is evil as well as other servants does hurt them. They can only hope they understand the end goal. Being happily together with their soulmate away from the world.

🎉BONUS ODDITY TIME!!!🎉

Yanderes who work together

{Okita Souji and Qin Shi Huang}

While they don't like it, they have a mutual understanding that this person is very important to them both, and they want to protect them more than anything in the world.

They are two sides of the same coin, with Okita being a more violent protector whole. Qin Shi Huang is a peace protector. Qin Shi Huang, while trying their best to be peaceful, knows that somethings can't be avoided anymore. Okita knows that her more aggressive behavior is off-putting and very intimidating. Working together allows them to cover different types of caretaking.

Qin Shi Huang can take care of more emotional needs, and if someone needs to die, Okita can kill them.

They take turns interacting with their shared beloved, learning new things, and cross-referencing what they've learned. They don't get very far most of the time with planning and strategies because they'll start talking about something cute you did or someone who is seems to be dangerous because they were over analyzing a situation.

[hughiecampbelle]

Sever (Kendall Roy Oneshot)

Character/s: Kendall, Logan mention

Word Count: 1,515

Inspired By: Absence by Rio Romeo

Tag: @locke-writes

A/N: Nervous to post!!! I thought I might try writing like I used to with my absolute favorite trope lol. I don't know how it'll go and tbh I expect this not to go well, but what can ya do? I didn't make it as dark as I used to write, but I'm definitely up to giving it a try! Let me know what you think my loves!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

Resentment sleeps between you. Like a baby, its breath is slow and deep. Peaceful. Blissfully unaware. It pushes you to the opposing edges. There is an ever growing abyss in the middle of the mattress. One wrong move, and you’ll slip. Sometimes, in moments of bravery, you’ll hold your hand out. Pebbles will crack off, falling down, and you hold your breath. You never hear the eventual plop of it hitting the bottom. It goes on forever, the only infinite you can count on. You’ll grip the side, watching the inky black as it stares back at you, and you’ll wonder where it all went wrong. When the crack, so small, so insignificant, tore itself in two, into this. He remains incurious. While he sleeps his body is unmoving, unphased by what lies between you. He remains still, content, his back turned to the cavity, to the truth. This is not a feeling of dread or fate, merely a glimpse. A recurring nightmare that you will fall in. beneath you will collapse. You’ll call for help, but he will choose not to hear you. Lately, it seems, you're going unheard. Your concerns, your fears, your feelings, your screams. You will cry out and no one will be there to grab you, pull you up, hold you. No one will be there to tell you it’s okay, you’re okay. Instead you will fall for forever. One day, however long that takes, centuries later, you will land next to those pebbles and every bone in your body will shatter. They will combust. Turn to dust. You will be a pool of yourself all because he is choosing not to see reality for what it is. Because he thinks this is okay. Because he thinks you’ll get through this. You can’t get through this. It’s too late. It’s always been too late. 

It’s not only resentment. Resentment is the product. The product of ignorance, of anger, of dismissiveness and stupidity.  His own ego. A perfect concoction. A deadly poison you drank with enthusiasm. Everyone in your life knew before you did. They could see that crack, that hairline fracture, but you didn’t listen. He wasn’t always like this, you’d tell yourself. Maybe, maybe not, but it’s what you have to say, over and over, until the words are carved into your skull. Part of you is still fighting for him. Making empty promises to yourself. If he comes home, if he comes home and flashes that familiar smile, you’ll give it another try. If he remembers those flowers you like from that one shop. If he brings you coffee in your mug, the only mug you drink it from. If, if, if. He never does any of this. He never will. You’re trying to resuscitate something that is already dead. Dead and buried, you throw yourself on to the casket. Begging him, it, anyone who will listen: please, this one time, this one time let him show you that you are more important than any of this. All of this. This whole world. Instead he is door slamming and muffled screaming and highs and lows that are unpredictable. He is kissing young, hot strangers and drinking into oblivion. He is exactly the man you married. He always has been. You’ve been fooling yourself the whole time. 

You pretend to be asleep, pulling the covers over your head. His alarm is loud and furious, like his father. He dresses and redresses, caught in a loop. Forever burdened to live the same morning over and over. Insecure, unsure, there is a pile of dress shirts on the floor. A pile you used to pick up, rehang. A pile that used to disappear before he came home. A pile you’d like to set fire to. Forever trying to impress blood that wouldn’t care if he swam or drowned. He hums to himself, tying his tie, checking himself over. You count the minutes until he is gone. Dressed, shaved, cologne so thick you could choke on it. He picks up coffee on the way when there is a perfectly good, perfectly expensive machine, sitting in the kitchen. His phone, fully charged, is already vibrating with missed calls, missed texts, missed connections. You used to wonder if he had your number blocked or muted, every opportunity to reach out going straight to voicemail. Now you don’t wonder. Now you don’t call. Now you wait for him to leave, for the front door to carelessly bang shut before you start your day. You step over the pile of clothes in the walk in closet. You ignore the double sinks in the master bathroom. You leave the bed unmade. Instead, you make your coffee. From the machine. With your favorite mug. You linger in the kitchen, living room, what would have been the nursery. All the places untouched by his presence. This is more your home than his, but it is both your names on the paperwork. Both your names in the engraved wine glasses. Both your names in those vows. You sip and sit and picture a life much happier than this one. 

Maybe in another lifetime. 

When you’re done, you wash it by hand, leaving it in the sink to dry. It remains the only proof of your existence. Undisturbed the rest of the house remains. Even the cushions you curled into have resumed their correct place. This house isn’t the only thing rejecting you. Like a foreign organ, a transplant, everything and everyone knows you don’t belong. He doesn’t want you here, why should they? Back in the bedroom you dress. The clothes wait and watch, but you can’t stand to touch them, look at them. More proof of his failings. You could tell him all the ways he was important and impactful until your lips were blue. He wouldn’t listen. He needed to hear it from them, from him. Your side of the walk-in closet is pristine. You take down a few shirts, a few pairs of pants, moving mindlessly. You remember first moving in, wondering how you could fill this huge space? Now it felt cluttered, suffocating. His things were everywhere. He was everywhere. You found it in the corner, unused. He always promised a big getaway, wherever you wanted, just the two of you. How many years was that? You hoped against hope, every anniversary, every birthday. He had the means, just not the care. You wanted to stop, but you couldn’t. The dreams you had for your marriage, your life, they’re still alive. Naive, stupid, it didn’t matter. You were both. You don’t have time to fold them all, the want. You never expected it to go like this. You never wanted it to. But one more night in that bed would kill you. Your spirits, your desires, every foolish idea and notion about what love is and was and will be. One more night against that drop and you might just fall in. 

Toothbrush, toothpaste, soaps and conditioners and scrubs. You live two totally separate lives. You only seem at the beginning and the end. He is the sun. Sunrise, sunset. You grab everything you can, zipping it shut. On the edge of the mattress you wonder if you should leave a note, to explain. Explain what? Haven’t you said everything you can? Haven’t you cried and asked and put it every possible way and still, still he has not done one thing to show you that he is listening, that what you say matters. Absorbed in bloodlines and successors and medieval rituals his father loves, the bloodshed. You can’t do it anymore. You can’t be second, or third, or fourth in line for his attention, his priority list. You’ve put up with it for far too long. You know your silence, the absence, will be more impactful than anything you have ever or will ever say. You gave him his ultimatum and he refused to change. Now it is your turn to act. Rolling the suitcase out, you turn off the light. If you didn’t know it, if you were a stranger looking in, you’d never even know you existed. The things you’d need were packed away. The only thing that remained of you was your mug. That he could keep, as a reminder. Next time he chose them over someone he was supposed to spend his lifetime loving, caring, hearing. Next time, when he tripped over himself to impress his father. If there was a next time, that mug would stand for everything he ruined. He messed up. He ignored. Next time, he should think twice. You leave your keys on the table, watching the crack in the mattress shrink just a bit. It can’t be fixed, this can’t be fixed, but it knows you’re doing the right thing. 

So many years you spent married to Kendall. So many years you could never get back. But you’d have more after. After him. After this, you’d find real love. Whatever this was, whatever it had been, you were kidding yourself. You know this now. Will he?

[veggie-miilk]

FNF/Pico's school oc info dump :3

He was born in airzona and had lots of friends from his neighborhood growing up, everybody knew who he was, even if they didn't know they were about to soon enough, he loved meeting new people

He used to go to there local arcade alot since his dad works there as an arcade technician.that's where he got his love for video games, from pacman to DDR he's won every game and won't say no to a challenge. Rhythm games are his favorites. Inspiring him to become a rapper.

He's cocky and wayy to over confidence for his own good, getting him into unneeded trouble. But it makes for a good story no matter how dangerous or stupid.

He comes of as irresponsible and airheaded but he just wants to go with the flow and live life to the fullest, making sure friends and loved ones feel included too.

Fun facts:

-He's the youngest sibling out of two older sisters and brother

-Other than his current girlfriend, Darlie. He never dated anyone before

-He has AuDHD

-His favorite candy is skittles

-He can't handle being flirted at

-He can't drive, and don't ever let him, he'll get into a Mario kart mindset and crash the car

-Loves puns, he'll make them nonstop

-He hiccups when he's nervous

————————————————————

He was born in Florida, but moved to Philly to live with mom and younger siblings in middle school,

When he was living with his dad however (not of this own volition tbh) he could not trust him with anything. His dad was a drug dealer and forced Sam to sell some when he didn't feel like it. (Wich ended up with one of his childhood friends overdosing right in front of him, but that's a story for another day)

Sam was one of few surviving students from the school shooting by hiding in a locker. Now he's very jumpy when hearing loud noises, his only comfort in the moment was a Hello kitty Keychain that his sister gave him as a good luck charm.

Sam liked sanrio stuff long before this, but it felt nice distracting himself with the cute little world of Hello kitty.

Sam has a really short temper dealing with other people, and he's also a sarcastic asshole, never really having any other friends.

Fun facts:

-He adores cute little trinkets but he can never admit it

-His favorite candy is airheads, specifically mystery flavor

-He's a introvert

-He can't comfot people but would give you accidental motivation when your sad, and that only makes people hang around him more. He'll be mean about it afterwards.

-Deep down Sam really hates but also loves his group of friends (he'll fuckin beat the shit outta anybody tha fucks with them)

-He hates physical touch (intimately touch starved)

————————————————————

Darlie was born in Beverly hills, She has an extreme love of fashion and makeup led her into becoming a supermodel, her face could be found on any magazine, social media, TV shows, ect.

Her parents are very famous people, a actor and lawyer respectively, so there very wealthy.

She had multiple ex-boyfriend's in the past (5 in total) cause of this she became alot more meaner to men trying to get with her, not wanting her heart to be broken again.

Currently she's dating Aetro, they were friends for the longest time and dating just seem to suddenly came outta nowhere. But regardless she loves him with all her dorky little heart, even if she's shy about it.

Darlie's very prideful of her work and takes it very seriously, it felt like a dream come true. She met so many wonderful friend's because of it.

Fun facts:

- Darlie's practically addicted to chocolate covered strawberries, she modeled a whole clothing line based off of them.

-She can't handle stress

-She's a only child

- Darlie and Aetro are both so disgustingly sweet to each other, it'll probably give you cavities

-She can't cook for shit

(Quick lil hight chart)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hello! here in a few weeks i'm going to get a transvaginal ultrasound done, which will be my first pelvic exam, as well as my first time having anyone root around down there.

needless to say i'm a bit nervous! is there anything i should know or do beforehand? any tips to make the experience less awkward?

hi anon,

I'm going to borrow some explanation from our friends at Cleveland Clinic, because I like some of the info here. I'd definitely recommend checking out the page for an in-depth explanation of what transvaginal ultrasounds are and how they work for anyone who has questions about the procedure, and they have some helpful tips for how to prepare:

Wear clothes that you can slip out of easily. You will have to remove your pants and underwear, and you may have to wear a gown. Remove your tampon before the procedure if you’re on your period. Follow your provider’s instructions about when to drink fluids and go to the bathroom. Having a full bladder affects the way your organs appear on an ultrasound. You may need to arrive at your appointment with a bladder that’s empty, full or partially full.

I'm particularly fond of this note on shaving:

Do I need to shave for a transvaginal ultrasound? No. Having pubic hair won’t prevent you from having an ultrasound. Groom to your comfort before the procedure.

hell yes! groom to your comfort!

there are also these helpful notes as to what you can expect to actually physically happen during the process:

Your ultrasound will occur in an ultrasound room in a hospital, private radiology practice or clinic for obstetric and gynecological imaging. In some instances, your provider may order an abdominal ultrasound before your transvaginal ultrasound. Both imaging procedures together provide a more comprehensive view of your pelvic organs that may be needed, depending on your symptoms. You’ll lie on an examination table as if you were having a pelvic exam — with your knees bent, and your feet possibly in stirrups. Your provider will place a condom and a warm lubricating gel on the transducer and gently insert it inside your vagina. Once it’s inside your body, the transducer releases sound waves that record pictures of your pelvic organs. These images get projected onto a screen. The technician performing the ultrasound may ask that you lie still or shift your body so that the transducer can record your pelvic cavity from different angles. The technician may perform additional steps if you’re having saline-infusion sonography, or a sonohysterogram. Once enough images are taken for a thorough analysis, the technician will remove the transducer.

now, the place where I have to disagree with ol' Cleveland Clinic comes in the next section, where our well-meaning writer assures you that no, this absolutely will not hurt because the ultrasound wand is curved and will have lube on it. the real tell is the sentence where they say that a transvaginal ultrasound "may feel similar to a Pap smear," which is actually a very painful process for a lot of people (myself included, hi!). especially considering that a transvaginal ultrasound generally takes much longer than a pap smear, I would be remiss not to point out that this shit can fucking hurt - especially if you're unaccustomed to people rooting around down there.

I don't say that to scare you, only to let you know the full reality of what you're dealing with here. as much as possible, please don't go in shaking and afraid and certain of suffering - that will make things so much worse. just be upfront with your care providers about your lack of experience with penetrative exams and set expectations together before the procedure starts. ask them to start out slow, and make sure it'll be okay to take breaks if you start getting overwhelmed. I've definitely benefitted from having my gyno pull out the speculum and give me a break so I can take another run at a pap smear when I've had a chance to collect myself a bit, and even just knowing that the option is there to call for a timeout can be a huge comfort.

also, hey: if you're worried about how the transvaginal ultrasound will go, it may be helpful to talk to your healthcare providers about having a backup plan in place. many gynecological health issues can be assessed with non-penetrative ultrasounds; will that be an option for you if necessary?

tl;dr: talk to your healthcare providers about literally any and all of your questions/comments/concerns. don't worry for literally a second about seeming dumb or awkward; they've definitely heard weirder questions and they've seen too much genitalia to think yours is weird.

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

🎵 Church

Turns out the thought that helps open doors is One More Door and not Jamrock Shuffle, so...

JAMROCK SHUFFLE >> COP OF THE APOCALYPSE

3. "I lost my memory, too, but I like it. It's like I get to create a whole new me, start again from scratch."

TIAGO - "That's not really the point, ese." He frowns. "You gotta give yourself over to service... Service of the Mother, that is..."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Do you remember your name, sir?"

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] - The lieutenant is not particularly interested in this information. He's just trying to assert some control over the conversation.

TIAGO - "Tiago is my name. But those syllables don't mean much to me these days. A name isn't just your identity, but also, so to speak..."

+5 XP

"...your place among your fellows, your place in the world. I ain't got no use for such a place anymore."

"My name's Harry." (Extend your hand for a greeting.)

"My name sets me apart from my fellows. How often do you meet a Raphaël Ambrosius Costeau?"

"My name's Harrier Du Bois, and my place in the world is lieutenant double-yefreitor."

"I don't do names either. Names are *out*. I don't care what mine is."

TIAGO - "That's just the thing, homes -- none of that *matters*..." He sounds melancholy saying this, his limbs a mere shadow below the ceiling.

"What are you doing here?"

TIAGO - "This is a special place. There's a perforation in the world up there. A way out, into nothingness." He nods toward the ceiling. "This church was built around it, for purposes of veneration."

"I circle it, nurtured by the silence bestowed by the Mother. One of these days, I'll be pure enough to go drink from it directly."

"This Mother of Silence -- you mean *her*?" (Point to the window.)

"What will happen once you drink from this 'perforation'?"

"I still don't understand what you're doing in the church."

"Right. I had other questions..."

TIAGO - "No, no, no, there's a *new* god in town. And she can't be painted or sculpted, because she has no limbs or even a face. She is the end."

"She is a cavity, in the dark, beyond sense. She saved me... but I couldn't describe her to you. No one can, homes, and no one ever will."

2. "What will happen once you drink from this 'perforation'?"

TIAGO - "I will be incinerated, but not destroyed -- finally at one with the state of the world before reality began."

RHETORIC [Medium: Success] - That sounds a *bit* like substitution behaviour, no? You know a thing or two about that...

"You sure you didn't just switch one drug for another?"

+1 Narcomania

TIAGO - "It's not like that at all, man. It's just faith and joyful service."

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - Too gleeful, those words -- he is lying. Not to you -- to his very own self.

"Faith is a kind of drug."

"I guess you have a point." (Proceed.)

"Let's agree to disagree." (Proceed.)

"I was being insensitive. Sorry. Let's move on." (Proceed.)

TIAGO - "I've heard that before, wey." He shakes his head. "And I know I can't convince you on the spot. But think -- when's the last time you woke up from *silent communion* with a hangover, regretting what you did last night?"

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - There are drugs darker than alcohol circling your system.

2. "I think love might have been my drug of choice. And I think I'm still hungover from it."

TIAGO - "She took you for a good spin, huh?" He looks at you gravely. "Don't worry, bro, that love is but a drop compared to the ocean of the Mother's love..."

"...the Mother will eat all of you, and never spit you out."

4. "Let's agree to disagree." (Proceed.)

TIAGO - "I know it'll take time. Don't sweat it."

4. "I still don't understand what you're doing in the church."

TIAGO - "I'm a saeraff, homes. I sing the Mother's glory."

"Can you sing for me? Sing for me something."

"It doesn't really make sense for you to sing if she's the Mother of *Silence*."

(Nod.) "Singing is good. I'm a bit of a singer myself."

TIAGO - "I ain't from no *marietti*, if that's what you're thinking. And the song I sing is silent as the Mother."

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] - "Marietti" is a Mesque style of music and dance commonly seen at all manner of festivities -- especially weddings. It's delightfully quaint, owing to its peasant origins.

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - He lost his cool there for a moment. Seems you hit some nerve.

5. "How did you even find this place -- this church?"

TIAGO - "Hard to say. I think I did some construction work here, back when I still had material worries. Up there, I realized what the true purpose of the church was..."

"Been spending a lot of time here ever since. The past is nothing to me now, wey. It didn't belong to me."

REACTION SPEED [Medium: Success] - Hmh... does it mean he witnessed the police raid?

6. "Right. I had other questions…"

TIAGO - The sinewy figure lingers on the wooden beams, blending into the shadows.

"You've been here for a long time. Did you see the police raid that took place here?"

TIAGO - "Something like that," he responds, his voice suddenly flat.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Did you witness it?"

TIAGO - "Not really, or at least I don't remember much of it anymore. The Mother's Love has done its job... That's what's so great about the Mother -- it lets you forget about everything."

4. "Some ravers want to turn this place into a nightclub."

TIAGO - "The ones in the tent outside, right? I seen 'em. Guessing they're the ones who call me a crab? Probably scared of me..."

"Wait, do they have *reason* to be scared?"

"So, what do you think? About the nightclub, that is."

"I trust you won't get in the way of some enterprising youth? Their business looks promising."

"Turning a church into a nightclub -- I have to say it's a great idea. You should support it."

+1 Lawbringer

TIAGO - "Naw, man. They look pretty funny. And I don't harm no one anymore anyway."

HALF LIGHT [Medium: Success] - Though he used to. A long time ago.

3. "I trust you won't get in the way of some enterprising youth? Their business looks promising."

+1 Ultraliberal

TIAGO - "Wouldn't bother me none to have 'em spin music in here. I'm usually way up there, imbibing."

"Might even be nice to have some company..."

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - He said that in spite of himself. He's more attached to the human than he'd like to think.

5. "Do you know where the other spooker is?" (Point at the strange machines around you.)

TIAGO - "Other spooker? Oh, esa viejita muy estudiosa!" He laughs. "Dunno, homes."

RHETORIC [Medium: Success] - Viejita is... grandma?

"Wait, so there *is* another person living in the church -- and it's a *viejita*?"

"Right, thanks. I'll see if I can find her some other way…"

TIAGO - "No, I just call her 'viejita' because of her clothes, she's actually quite young..." He scratches his head. "Or maybe not *that* young... Age is just one of the many masks we wear."

"And you don't know where she is?"

TIAGO - "That's what I said, homes."

"How can you not know that when you both live here?"

TIAGO - "Don't really follow her comings and goings. Just see her typing on her computer now and then. We've got different interests."

"So you've got nothing else to tell me? How she looks, what she does, who *is* she?"

TIAGO - "I'm afraid not, ese. You just have to wait until she comes back or..." He shrugs.

REACTION SPEED [Easy: Success] - Or search through her radiocomputer.

"Have you by any chance heard the *viejita* say the password to her radiocomputer?"

TIAGO - "Too many times, ese. You need it for something?"

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - *Sssurveys* are a good way to fish for personal information, especially in the name of public sssafety...

"I'm doing a survey of passwords and passcodes, identifying regional trends. In the interests of public safety, of course."

"Just tell me what's the password." (Step closer.)

"Yes, it's for a first-degree murder investigation in Martinaise."

"Honestly I just want to break into a radiocomputer, see what's on it."

TIAGO - "Don't sweat it, vato. The password is 'AFTER LIFE DEATH.'"

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - That is true. But what comes after death?

TIAGO - "What'd you think of that? Makes me almost pity *la nihilista pequeña* when I hear it."

8. "Okay then, thanks." [Leave.]

TIAGO - "I think we're done here, ese." The figure crawls off into the darkness above.

+5 XP

KIM KITSURAGI - "That was... an interesting conversation."

"However, I'm still not sure how it's relevant to our investigation."

A prayer book has been left open.

Frost has drawn flowers on the glass, obscuring the view.

A figure drawn in frost on the window, depicting a deer.

MESQUE BANGER'S SILK SCARF

+1 Pain Threshold: Bangers don't cry

This huge red scarf is still dusty from lying in the church. A subtle red-on-red embroidery embellishes it with cocky roosters and Mesque floral motives.

A cracked pane of glass, colourful.

It came from the stained glass pane window. Still has letters on it, too...

A spider has spun its web around this wood-carved pillar.

MESQUE BANGER'S RED BROGUES

+1 Empathy: In someone else's shoes

These dapper snakeskin shoes have an almost invisible white-on-white flower motive sewn on the tongue. The toe caps are still dusty from lying in the church.

Well...

STAINED GLASS WINDOW - The mother of humanism stands above you -- a precious and complex wax painting on a single pane of glass. A crack runs across the length of her body, her face oval and sad.

2. [Visual Calculus - Challenging 12] Reconstruct the cracked glass.

+1 Saw missing shard with letters

VISUAL CALCULUS [Challenging: Success] - A jigsaw of broken shards falls into place in front of you: a ghostly reconstruction of the stained glass window. Before it was shattered there was an older woman beneath the younger one -- and a text, a *leitmotiv* below them both.

What shattered this mosaic?

Who is this older woman?

The motto? What does it say?

Step back.

VISUAL CALCULUS - Unknown.

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - Something during the raid the lieutenant mentioned? Or just hooligans looking for something to break.

2. Who is this older woman?

VISUAL CALCULUS - The escutcheon on her throne says: Irene the Navigator. She is depicted as an older woman wearing thick rimmed eye-glasses, holding a golden *reichsapfel* in one hand and a scepter in the other. This is the queen Her Innocence Dei advised -- above, she herself is whole.

Small figures of wise men, common men, worshippers walk up the stairs to stand at her feet. Secret servicemen -- Therriers -- stand in a row guarding her. It must have taken years to produce this work in all its dizzying detail.

3. The motto? What does it say?

VISUAL CALCULUS - Below both women, in luminous blackletter: APRÈS LA VIE - MORT; APRÈS LA MORT - LA VIE DE NOUVEAU.

And then along the left side: APRÈS LE MONDE - LE GRIS; APRÈS LE GRIS - LE MONDE DE NOUVEAU.

+5 XP

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] - AFTER LIFE -- DEATH; AFTER DEATH -- LIFE AGAIN. AFTER THE WORLD -- THE PALE; AFTER THE PALE -- THE WORLD AGAIN. This is the great leitmotiv of humanism, a summary of the effect of the discovery of this isola -- the Insulindian -- on human thinking. A tremendous sea change akin to finding life after death...

4. "Lieutenant, this used to say: 'After life, death -- after'..."

KIM KITSURAGI - "...death, life again," he nods. "After the world, the pale; after the pale -- the world again."

"This exaltation is common in Dolorian sacralism. In the early years it was even incorporated as the RCM's slogan. No more, however."

"Why?"

"What is the motto now?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "It was deemed *subservient* to use a strongly Moralintern-related motto. We're already suspected of bootlicking. The sentence was also seen as... too feminine. It was a macho thing."

"What is the RCM motto now?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "'Justice, Union, Prudence, and Force'."

"Cool."

"Not very feminine."

"I like the other one better."

"I like this. Puts the fear of god back in the f****ts."

+1 Communism

KIM KITSURAGI - "So do I."

5. Step back.

STAINED GLASS WINDOW - The mother of humanism towers above you -- a wax painting on a cracked pane of glass. Nothing has changed in her expression.

Now, let's break in to a computer.

MAINFRAME - Machine's keyboard is still illuminated, revealing virescent PLAY and PRINT buttons.

2. Press PLAY again.

MAINFRAME - The speaker comes to life, static seeps through the machine's planar magnetic driver. An old lady greets you, her voice sounds a hundred years old...

EAST-INSULINDIAN REPEATER STATION - "Good morning, Fortress Accident on Saint-Brune, this is the East-Insulindian Repeater Station 1. Please repeat, is this the personal log?"

"Let's try this again. I think I may have the right password for the personal log."

EAST-INSULINDIAN REPEATER STATION - "Good. Please repeat the password."

"After life death."

EAST-INSULINDIAN REPEATER STATION - "Good, I've unlocked the filament. After ending the call please press PRINT to access the filament."

+5 XP

"Fortress Accident, is there anything else I can do for you today?"

3. "Thanks, but I'm finished with this call." (Press OFF/SILENT.)

EAST-INSULINDIAN REPEATER STATION - "Good bye, Fortress Accident," she says as her voice disappears into a whirl of static.

MAINFRAME - The machine's keyboard is still illuminated, revealing virescent PLAY and PRINT buttons.

3. Press PRINT.

MAINFRAME - The printer prints out a long text document with dated paragraphs. It looks a bit like someone's journal.

4. Read the printout.

MAINFRAME - The first entry, made on the 4th February '51 by an unknown author, is short and concise:

"Arrived at the church. The door was boarded up, so I used a crowbar to get inside. Looks like the place has been deserted. Nothing out of the ordinary, but I'll ask around. Need to figure out how to get the electricity in."

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant leans closer, scouring the printout over your shoulder. Just as you finish reading he looks up, muttering under his breath:

"Fourth of February? That's over a month ago… Whoever set up those machines has been here for quite a while."

"Do you think this log might be connected to the case?"

Read the second entry.

Let go of the printout.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Our case? No, I don't think so. It must be some local..." his eyes wander to the various machines around him, "*eccentric*."

2. Read the second entry.

MAINFRAME - "6th FEB, '51: Had a little chat with the local fishermen. Said I shouldn't go near that place, that the church was *spooky* and ridden with *narcotics*. It's a little spooky, alright. Still haven't figured out the electricity."

HALF LIGHT [Easy: Success] - See? Even one of the spookers themselves says it's unnerving.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Medium: Success] - What was that about narcotics? This could prove to be interesting.

"Wait, *narcotics*?" (Look around the derelict building.)

Read the third entry.

KIM KITSURAGI - "I doubt that we can find any. It's just idle fishermen's gossip to scare away the kids." He looks at the stained glass window.

"Nothing *spooky* about this place either, it's just abandoned. And cold. And in an awful part of town..."

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - Then why doth the lieutenant protest against spending time here? So often?

Read the third entry.

MAINFRAME - "7th FEB, '51: Finally got the electricity in! Next on the agenda: a new antenna. I'm thinking ESKER series? Something advanced."

"Why would she need an antenna?"

Read the fourth entry.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Why would anyone need *any* of this equipment here?" He steps on a wire running on the ground, inspecting it with his boot.

Read the fourth entry.

MAINFRAME - "8th FEB, '51: Bought the antenna, had some problems setting it up, called Simo for help. Heard the others are back to *making art* (drinking somewhere out of town). Sulisław started a rock band again, Lexie has been seen asking money from strangers..."

AUTHORITY [Medium: Success] - Artists, yet again!! Harassing citizens, stealing badges, 'occupying' public spaces with 'installations' like the one here...

MAINFRAME - "But at least the artists have their act together -- they're qualified labour, they can get work anywhere: graphic design, ads. The programmers are doing fine too, I mean, they're programmers. The writers, though... they're fucked."

"I just have to find out what caused that data loss and be done with it. Still don't understand how it managed to wipe out the backup when the backup *wasn't even connected to the front*. I know, I know... everyone thinks it's impossible; they say I must be lying. I'm here to set it right."

"A data loss?"

"Artists, programmers, *Lexie* -- who are all those people?"

Read the fifth entry.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Seems like something to do with radiocomputers -- unfortunately, I don't know enough about them to understand what the author is saying."

"Something about the backup data getting destroyed… and how everyone thought it was the author's fault." He adjusts his glasses. "Let's just keep reading."

2. "Artists, programmers, *Lexie* -- who are all those people?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Her friends, colleagues?" He shrugs. "She must be quite educated if she knew how to set up all this machinery."

3. Read the fifth entry.

MAINFRAME - "12th FEB, '51: Brought some food from the grocery store. Apparently there's a strike going on in the harbour. Definitely not happy to see the Martinaise people again. Everything's now set up in the church, going to start working tomorrow 8 AM."

KIM KITSURAGI - "The strike..." He strokes his chin. "We're nearing the date of the murder."

"Keep reading, I'm interested now -- I want to know what's that radio anomaly that sent this person here in the first place."

Read the sixth entry.

MAINFRAME - "25th FEB, '51: I've been sending data up to Lintel for a while now, trying to recreate the data loss, but nothing. Didn't even feel like logging in the disappointment. But I did discover a curious *audio-spatial* anomaly at the back of the church. I've named it *the swallow*. (It swallows sound.) Need to get some mics."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Is she talking about...?" The lieutenant looks to his right, toward the silence.

Read the seventh entry.

MAINFRAME - "28th FEB, '51: Yes, the first recordings confirm that the swallow is real and I'm not just losing my mind. It's a pillar of silence with a diameter of approximately three meters. Seems like the higher I go, the less I record. This might be a coincidence. Or it *could* be connected to the data loss that led me here."

KIM KITSURAGI - "The pillar of silence! She *is* talking about the silence... Is she suggesting it's more than just an architectural quirk?"

"But what could it be?" (Look at the water basins behind you.)

Read the eighth entry.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant doesn't answer. He follows your gaze, studying the basins. The water shines in them. No ripples.

2. Read the eighth entry.

MAINFRAME - "MARCH, '51: Some kind of young *discomen* have appeared next to the church. I've been trying to record the silence to find the epicentre, but now it turns out I've also been capturing the future of dance music, one neo-disco song over and over again..."

"Fortunately, the song is so monotonous I was able to devise an algorithm to factor it out. The other day one of the discomen came in. Before I could even say hello, she got scared and left. Good, I don't want anyone distracting me from my work."

REACTION SPEED [Easy: Success] - That discoman? Must be Acele.

"She must be describing Acele."

Read the ninth entry.

KIM KITSURAGI - "The girl on the ice? Sounds like her, yes."

Read the ninth entry.

MAINFRAME - "MARCH '51: A new 2m AUX cable, noodles, crackers, Ping-Ping energy drinks, water, TOOTHPASTE, gum, also some canned air..."

PERCEPTION [Easy: Success] - Your reading is interrupted by the sound of the church door opening.

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER - A strange woman makes straight for the radiocomputer.

"Breaking into my radiocomputer, I see." She glares at you as she holds down the OFF button for several seconds. The machine reboots.

INTERFACING [Medium: Success] - Yes, you *are* breaking in. But not into *her* radiocomputer. You're a master circuit-bender.

KIM KITSURAGI - "I do apologize for the intrusion, madam. We're with the RCM, you see."

[oberthinkin]

what would lucifer, satan, barbatos and diavolo do with a little who just had their cavities filled? would they be given soft food?

Gotta do this one fast because I know its soon!

+++++

Lucifer has to refrain from being snarky and teasing you, and it's giving him wrinkles, and new grey hairs. He knows you're scared, that you've just come out from the clinic, and you don't want him to tease you. So Lucifer shields your body with his as he teleports you home (with special permission from Diavolo, which he got days ago in preparation for you being extra small).

Lucifer knows you're gonna be sensitive, so it's just lukewarm soups and teas for a while-- and some smoothies with no ice.

Lucifer is gonna have you on a strict teeth-brushing routine after this! Just so you never have to get more fillings for cavities again! Two different types of mouthwash, floss, and a timer for brushing your teeth! He's got to do everything to make sure you're taken care of! As your cg, its his duty! He goes overboard because he hates seeing you scared for the dentist, and Lucifer is trying to be a good papa and prevent it from happening again... He cares.

But you can convince him that a cuddle and some juice boxes work better to comfort you than having him time your gurgles of mouthwash.

+++

Satan is waiting by your side in the clinic, with a bag full to the brim with littlespace items. A stuffie, a stresstoy, mini colouring book and crayons, soundproof headphones, pacifers and a face mask to wear ontop so its subtle, and a changing kit with wipes and pullups if you need them. He doesn't know if you'll need pullups right after, but its better to be prepared. Satan knows negative regression can set in suddenly, and its better to be safe than sorry.

Tells you that you were so brave the whole way home. No ice cream yet, but in a couple days, cenned will get you the biggest bowl of ice cream you can eat. And for now, Satan will gladly make you spiced warm milk for a bottle, or cut up some fruit for you.

+++

Diavolo wants you to feel better right away, and what better way than with a sweet treat after the appointment? He's dragging you out the door of the clinic before Barbatos, who was busy with paperwork at the receptionist desk for your appointment, grabs the back of his sleeve, reminding Diavolo that excessively cold foods are only going to make your mouth hurt, and it'll make you more upset than you are now.

So Diavolo pivots and does the next best thing: Picking you up a build-a-bear stuffie to snuggle on the couch while you have some little time. Diavolo tries to offer you steaming hot chocolate (no), cherry candies (no), and pears (NO), all for Barbatos to remind him you can't eat those foods because they're too hot, too sticky, or too hard.

Barbatos saves the snack crisis with a hot tea and mushroom cigar cookies for Diavolo, and a much cooler version of the same hot chocolate Diavolo offered before (which was now, more of a chocolate milk). And Diavolo plays with you, baby talking you all the wile as you recover.