#because none of the toxic stuff from his only relationship was his fault

[rainghoulgf]

@hanalyrata and anyone else willing to hear out my case for terzo/alpha

the good news is it does include terzomega and angst, the bad news is it's very contingent on the characterization and lore in my head specifically

so like. alpha and omega are summoned together, yeah? so their bond is VERY strong and not easily distilled into relationship terms. they're not brothers, but they're not (just) lovers, either, they're a secret third thing where all they can really explain is that there's Two Of Them. (they do fuck, though- in my head alpha flat out refuses to bottom for anyone except omega)

relatively well adjusted omega is fine with this- they are and always will be linked. it's part of his existence topside, and it's something he doesn't overthink. alpha, though? alpha kind of fucking hates it. he's egotistical and selfish and can't stand constantly being one half of something. he just wants to be him and no one else, not part of a duo he'll never escape- even their names only exist in relation to each other. so basically there's a red string of fate and it rankles but he can't outrun it any more than he could his own skin and despite his best efforts, he finds himself next to omega. because at least he's something, unlike the rest of the ghouls around them who shuffle in and out and take up space. omega's his rock, whether he likes it or not.

so two eras occur with the two of them being just about the only constant. but then terzo shows up, and omega clicks with him in a way he just didn't with the other two. omega spends more time with terzo and less with alpha and there's resentment growing, but he doesn't want to feed it. not when he can slip himself in between the two of them, make sure that as long as omega's looking at terzo he's looking at him too. none of them really mind- alpha can admit terzo's got a charm about him, omega gets his two favorite people at once, terzo gets to be taken care of by not just one but two demons. (this is where my one shred of "evidence" comes into play- he said just as much gay stuff about alpha onstage as he did omega! "impregnate me alpha" is a sentence that left terzo's mouth!)

so it's the three of them for a while. but then omega leaves. it doesn't really matter why when the outcome is the same- alpha's surrounded by replaceable faces he hardly bothers to learn the name of, the only one he respected is gone, and terzo seems to exist as a reminder of the loss. the two of them keep going for a while, but it's different now- alpha's bite is sharper, terzo faces away more than he used to. they keep each other close because they can't hold onto omega and they're the next closest thing, but there's a bitterness building every time. alpha hates omega for leaving, and he hates terzo for taking him from him (he insists on blaming him, no matter how many times it's explained it wasn't his fault), but he still can't imagine not having him

so basically i think alpha loves omega but refuses to say it because he hates that he does, and then once omega's gone, all that anger and love and lust and hatred gets pointed at terzo in his stead.

i <3 toxic yaoi :)

[mcytblr-archive]

Early MCYTblr Interviews: tack-tick

today's interviewee is tack-tick, a pioneer of the "phistin" ship and DSMP fan since before the first election! below is a transcript of the interview.

Q: What was your overall time in MCYTblr like?

A: I'd say my overall time in Mcytblr could be described as finding diamonds in the rough. This fandom is defined by finding your group, sticking to them and if you're smart not really looking beyond that. I did look beyond that and saw a lot of discourse and such. I had a good time with my friends but I did get negatively affected by the discourse at times. It was kind of a toxic shithole but by God mcytblr was our shithole lol

Q: Do you remember any specific discourse that affected you, or was it just the overall culture around you?

A: As a Technoblade main, it was the discourse surrounding his character that messed with me. At the time, I was mutuals (none in the phistin palace dw guys) with some people who hated his character. I, as an anxious teenager, was very worried it would cause drama if I unfollowed them and my dash became a lot of those long negative essays about how he was an awful person and yknow the drill. It was mainly my own fault and my dash became signfigantly better once I realized no one would be offended of I unfollowed, blocked a bunch of tags, started up my own discord server and focused more on writing fanfic instead of doomscrolling. A good lesson in curating your dash of anything else. (Btw those former mutuals are fine people, we just had radically different tastes in what we liked and disliked about the Dream SMP)

Q: You mentioned the "phistin palace"-- before we get into that, would you like to explain the "phistin" rarepair itself?

A: Now we are cooking! So, Phistin is the ship of Kristin and Philza. It's main focus was on the scraps of lore that we had about their relationship which was Kristin was the immortal goddess of Death and they couldn't really see each other often but loved each other very much. I'd say it's main appeal was being one of the few ships that was just really stable in the Dream SMP compared to the Karlnapity polycule and whatever youd call Quackbur. Fun fact, I can't find the post now but if i remember correctly me and tumblr user Demonadelem helped name the pair Phistin. Although, that was ages ago so I could be misremebering

Q: Was the ship entirely within the SMP, or was it just the general ship name for the real-life couple?

A: It was both. Since Kristin didn't really stream on the dream smp, a lot of her personality had to be based on what Phil said about her and her other streams. Basically, lore about the ship was pulled from the SMP but the dynamics and personality was from both. You could play around with the dynamic if you focused on Kristin being a goddess

Q: With that basic information laid out-- what was the "phistin palace"?

A: The Phistin Palace was a discord server I founded in August of 2022. Phistin was a ship that was basically a side thing I did in fandom because my main focus was Technoblade and emerald duo stuff. I think if you're a Technoblade fan you're legally obligated to be a Philza fan and vice versa. I don't make the rules. So Phistin was something I did when I wanted a break from Technoblade as a way to practice romantic shipping.

Then Technoblade passed away and I didn't want to do anything with his character for a while so I focused completely on Phistin. However, when I tried to find any fics they were either a background ship with only one line or Kristin was already dead from a tragic disease who's main symptoms were lying daintily in bed. While I was writing my own long form Phistin focused fic, Two Birds if anyone read it, I got a comment that complimented me for "giving her an actual charatcer" and maaaan that is a very low bar to be praised for. So, I started the palace as a way to find other Phistin fans who actually cared about them beyond Kristin being angst fodder for SBI.

Q: Do you have any fond memories in specific of the "Phistin Palace" discord server?

A: Oh so many. During the Syndicate finale, three of us all liveblogged and freaked the fuck out when Kristin showed up for the first time in a minecraft skin on the server. I made on of those AI chatbot things that was popular for a bit and the bot was supposed to be the Kristin character. I asked if she had a pet and she said she has a gecko named Tim. The entire server instantly decided they would die for Tim and he's now an emote. The general chat is also named Tim Time Fucker. A mermaid AU that was made that the majority of the server contributed a lot of lore to we named it the Communist Mermaid AU because the server collectively owns it now. Many good moments there

Q: Beyond the Phistin Palace, are there any large community events that you remember/took part in, or did you mostly stick to your friend group?

A: I remember The Penis SMP of course. I never really took part in large community events but I did watch them happen. I read the Passerine chapter where Tommy died becasue my dash flipped out when that dropped. I'd also try to watch Sad-ist animatics live when I could. At most, Id make a meme during a stream that would rack up a couple hundred notes or one thousand if I was lucky A thousand was like once or twice I think

Q: You mentioned that you were also a Technoblade fan before you became more focused on Phistin-- was your experience in that side of the fandom any different?

A: It certainly had more content than Phistin did lol. I was never really in any Technoblade discords or anything but back in the day it was focused on emerald duo and being funny. or angsty. Nowadays, it's way less lively unfortunately. It's not as bad as in 2022 but Technoblade fancontent seems to be less foucsed on the character and more on memorials/remembrance. At some point, you run out of things to say and not a lot of people wanted to stay in a fandom that just felt weighed down by it all. I did leave so things could perk up someday but I don't think that's likely

Q: We've talked about the fandom and how it responds to content-- let's talk about the content itself. What were some of your favorite moments from the Dream SMP as a whole?

A: The Red Festival Technoblade stream was the first one I ever watched live so that's a good one. The stream where L'manberg getting blown up at the end of The Manberg Arc is iconic for an underrated reason. I don't know how many people remember but Phil was highly speculated to be on the Dream SMP someday. On the day of that stream, he started on his hardcore world, then stopped his stream and did his dramatic switch surprise entrance to enter the Dream SMP for the first time. Also Technoblade escaping the anvil and then killing Quackity with a toothpick was great. I've never liked watching Twitch streams on my Ipad so most of my favorite moments come from YouTube

Q: Were you sad that Phistin wasn't a more popular ship, or did you enjoy the tight-knit community?

A: I was sad Kristin kept friggin dying, the poor woman lol. Sometimes I wish it was a bit more popular but the community was nice. The main issue is Phistin stuff started tanking hard on Ao3 in terms of numbers and tended to get misstagged quite a bit

Q: You've brought up a few times that Kristin was often fridged, disregarded, or replaced (on several notable occasions, by an actual Samsung fridge). How did you feel about it? Do you think there was any particular reason for it?

A: I mean, I really don't like it but I understand it. A lot of people loved that SBI angst but also wanted to write all the SBI. So the obvious solution is to kill off Kristin for free angst and keep all the SBI in the story. Passerine is a fic i respect a lot but it also kickstarted this trend to be honest. Kristin herself also didn't physically show up in the lore a lot so it was really tricky to write her. When I first wrote her, it was intimidating because I didn't have many fics to look at as good examples.

Was it shitty and a bit sexist? Yes but I don't think sexism was the only reason. Kristin's character was in a unique situation compared to the others. I have no problem with Kristin dying in a fic. The main issue is that often came with her personality being reduced to good mom and that's it. I'm not gonna call a bunch of probably first time writers evil sexists when I know what it's like to not know how to write her and being scared you'll get her completely wrong.

Q: Since it's come up, would you mind giving a quick rundown of what exactly the fanfic "Passerine" is? (As well as any memories you have relating to it!)

A: If i'm being honest, I only read the chapter where Tommy got murked. What I know from osmosis is it's an SBI royalty AU that had some kind of meta twist at the end and it was very sad. It also got a sad-ist animatic made out of it which jesus christ I'd give for that. I tried it but the writing style was too wordy for my liking. It's mainly important for Phistin history even though Kristin wasn't in it. No, The Fridge died in it but everyone just kinda assumed it was Kristin for long enough it got the ball rolling. Also I think Niki read it on a stream

Q: Before we wrap up, is there anything else you remember about MCYTblr/the DSMP that you'd like to talk about?

A: The DSMP sure was the minecraft server of all time that is defined as a server that was doomed from the start. Whoever makes a video essay on it is gonna have a hell of a job. 10/10 experience would not recommenced. Hello to the Phistin Palace if any of you read this :D

Mcytblr is getting more chill with shipping from what I've seen. Thank God, keeping making Philza Minecraft kiss those men and his wife.

Also SUBSCRIBE TO TECHNOBLADE

[scrapocstory]

Tell me about the commander (scrap)?

Also guess who :3

HIIIIIIIIIIIII HI OMG OKAY UH (wall of text incoming)

Commander was once given the designation of Footsolider- they were essentially bottom of the barrel, super expendable in the military. (Link to stuff about what the military does and is fighting because that's a WHOLE other side tangent I won't get into)

They were well-liked and had a LOT of ambition- perfect recipe for climbing the ranks and getting promoted to Commander. They're very "for my comrades" in their approach, but are also power-hungry. They idolized Dominus, who leads the military, and wanted to get as close to or higher than Dominus as possible.

The higher-ups, the humans behind it all, did not like Commander. In order to snuff out the power of the people, they tasked Duke with creating a virus to infect Decommissioned- then designated as Marksman.

Marksman loses control over their actions in battle one day, turning their rifle on Commander and firing. Commander loses their arm, and in their haste to avoid being decimated by the enemy, they force stop any and all automatic recalibration efforts. Thus, their gyroscope is skewed from the loss of their arm's weight, and they become very unbalanced and clumsy.

Marksman is decommissioned and sent to the Scrapyard. Commander is honorably discharged from the military, given the status of Veteran, and sent on a tram to the city. There, they are technically expected to go to the Scrapyard, but ultimately they're on their own to do whatever they want.

They climbed from the bottom all the way to the top only to go crashing down to rock bottom again.

And now here's the kicker- here's the part I'm absolutely insane over:

Commander and Decommissioned are exes.

They were in love while Commander was climbing the ranks and had a very codependent almost-toxic relationship. So for Commander to be seemingly betrayed and mortally wounded by someone they love? And for that person to be completely unable to explain themselves?

Oh yeah. That hurts a lot.

Commander eventually makes it to the Scrapyard and reunites with Decommissioned. Decom does their best to explain but Comm is having none of it. They stubbornly refuse to accept Decom's apology and explanation, furthering the rift between them. Hurt and angry at Comm's dissmissal, Decom chooses to also stay mad and the two split up officially.

But here's the thing. Despite it all, despite everything, they still love each other. They can't stay away. They want what they used to have, they want to reconcile and be happy again. But neither party is willing to admit their faults, neither party is willing to fully and wholeheartedly apologize.

So the two remain in a fugue state of "You hurt me, I hurt you, I won't apologize until you do."

AAAAAA THEY MAKE ME INSANE

sorry this turned into a duo post but these two are so deeply tied to each other, neither of their stories are complete without the other. theyre two peas in a pod theyre soulmates they hate each other they cant get enough

[askkanjohtrio]

△

Why do you have trust issues?

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. 10

. . . Ugh, here it goes. @swagtastic-bougie-pompadour I'm so sorry about tagging you Mister, but this feels like information the director should know about.

- Ken

//Massive trigger warning for a toxic and abusive relationship, it will be described in detail.

So, when I was 14, I met Dolos Satya. This wasn't long after Red came back down from Mount Silver, and it was revealed to the public that he's mine and Hibiki's cousin. Dolos treated me with kindness. I had heard a lot from the public about how I was inferior to my brothers because of their accomplishments, so it felt nice to have a new friend, and we even started dating a couple days after that.

But, over time, he changed. He started hanging out with Red and Hibiki more. Whenever we weren't around people, he'd start reminding me about how much better my brothers are. He never supported me whenever I brought up my hobbies or struggles and would actually make fun of my hobbies or make them seem unimportant. He'd tell me stuff like how I'm worthless and pay no attention to my feelings. He'd blame me for breaking stuff that he himself broke, was never responsible for anything, and sometimes would hit me or shout at me. One of his favorite things to tell me is that I would never find anyone else and that I was lucky he was giving me a chance. I was upset, but deep down, I knew he was right. If I was just as talented and didn't dislike battling, if I went on a journey like Red and got strong, none of this would've happened. It's my fault, I was weak. Sometimes, I still miss Dolos, even if Galena says that he was an awful person.

I met Galena before him, which is why she's my only friend. I'm scared that if I try to befriend people again, I'll just get hurt again. What's the point in making friends if I know what happened last time? I might as well save myself from the pain.

. . . Why am I crying again? I thought I was over this . . .

[nerves-nebula]

In your neglected au, what is Leo and Splinter’s relationship like?

Been having trouble articulating what the dynamic is like (since its still pretty new) so I made a handy “Pros and Cons of Being Splinters’ Favorite” list :) maybe this’ll answer some of your questions

Pros:

Affection from dad 

Compliments from dad

Lighter punishments when doing things wrong (none of the other turtles would only get screamed at for breaking Raphs arm, they’d prolly have stuff confiscated or be forced to do some kind of manual labor as a punishment) 

Insane superiority complex (I AM A GOD NO ONE IS AS GOOD AS ME)

Gets told stories/myths/family history the others are left out of (Leo was aware of Shredder & the foot clan a long time before the others were told about it)

Cons:

Being responsible for everyone else (if the group fails a mission, then LEO failed to lead them, and he won't be punished as hard but Splinter will either imply its his fault or make the others hate him more by saying they slowed Leo down or something)

Being ostracized from siblings who are mad they aren't treated as well

Splinter doesn’t actually understand Leo all that much. Rather, he projects onto Leo in a way where he implies he knows Leo better than Leo knows himself. This is kind of ROUGH and really fucks with Leo’s sense of self.

Seeing how the others are treated makes Leo constantly aware that his position is not inherent to being splinters child/son, and if he fucks up hard enough he might be replaced (terrified of failure/being treated like the others) 

Self esteem issues/need for approval

Insane superiority complex (IF ANYONE EVER SHOWS ME UP OR EMBARRASSES ME I’LL KILL EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM AND THEN MYSELF)

General other notes: Splinter sees a lot of himself in Leo when Leo starts excelling in their training early on. As they get older Splinter sees Leo more and more as an extension of himself in a really toxic no-boundaries kind of way. Obviously he doesn’t have any concept of boundaries regardless, but it’s especially bad with Leo since he actually tries to spend time with Leo.

SPEAKING of spending time with ppl: Splinter will occasionally have one on one training with Leo, which isn’t always even training, sometimes it’s just Splinter venting to his literal child. Splinter will sometimes do this with the other turtles too, but not nearly as much as he does it with Leo. Usually if he vents at his other kids it's just because they were around him at the wrong time or something. It’s even RARER for him to ask one of them to come speak to him, and half the time when he does that it’s because he’s trying to fix something about them he's noticed he doesnt like.

When leo does something wrong Splinter tells the others “You’re all brothers you need to stick together and love each other” and when anyone else fucks up he basically tells them “You are such a disappointment/I expected as much.” or some other negative thing. 

Splinter was not at all prepared to be a father and took the turtles from Draxum as more of a “fuck you for mutating me” than a desire to protect the innocent. He wasn’t sure how intelligent they were at first and kinda treated them like pets until it became clear that they were like. Actually Children. And by that point he’d become attached to them so he kept them. 

Leo hangs on Splinters every word in a way that the others haven’t since they were like, ten years old. He doesn’t believe the others when they say he’s being manipulated or when they complain about Splinter. Because to Leo, he’s winning because he’s trying harder than them.

To him, the others are just quitters and could probably earn dads favor if they stopped being such baBIES about everything. He takes to heart every cruel thing Splinter says about them and kind of believes that Splinter would change his mind if the others “got better” or something. Leo hasn’t yet realized that Splinter is just making up reasons to dislike the others after deciding they aren’t as good. Splinter probably hasn’t realized that either cause he thinks he’s a good person tho.

[hauntedmilkshakeghost]

Crush to Light

Pairing: Evan Buckley x Reader

Summary: You and Buck are neighbors, friendly neighbors but not to close. He kills the bugs you don’t like and does handyman things and you cook him dinner in return. He comes home to see you crying one day and everything changes

Warnings: SMUT MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT.

Toxic relationship and gaslighting(neither from Buck), dirty talk, female receiving oral

Notes: Happy Feral Thursday! @ssahotchswifemain​ knows I love slight angst that turns to smut with our favorite firehose. 

8:56 pm-Please hurry, it’s huge. Door open. Might die

Buck couldn’t help but laugh when he got your text. He left his apartment and walked the few feet it took to get yours. He rapped on the door and put his hand on the doorknob.

“I said it was open! Hurry up!!!!” You squeal from inside and he shakes his head when he opens the door.

“Nice to see you too.” He grins as he shuts the door behind him.

“Hi. Yes. Please kill it. I feel like it’s staring at me.” You huff, arms crossed as you stand on couch and stare at the quarter sized spider in the middle of your floor.

Buck takes his shoe off before creeping towards the spider and slamming the shoe on it. You squeal at the sound and watch as Buck dutifully grabs a paper towel to dispose of the remains because he knows even dead they freak you out.

You jump off the couch with a sigh, “Thank you, it was horrible.”

“No problem! Do I get my usual reward?” Buck grins.

“Mhmm, Can you wait like 30 minutes? It’s in the oven.” You ask as you head back to the kitchen.

“30 minutes? Damn, that’s a long time. Can’t you time your spider emergency and dinner better?” Buck teases, taking a seat at the counter.

“I’m sorry, next time I’ll plan accordingly.” You tease back, your eyes rolling.

This is how it always worked with you and Buck. He killed your bugs and fixed leaks or broken furniture and then you made him dinner. It didn’t go much further than this. These were the only times you guys hung out. Saying hello to each other in the halls and only texting for emergencies.

You knew a little about him, about his job and friends and ex’s. No current girlfriend which shocked you because you hadn’t failed to notice his beautiful face. He knew a little about you job and hobbies and ex’s as well.

To be honest you were kinda into him but you last boyfriend royally fucked you up and you weren’t sure if you were up to it again. He still hadn’t returned any of your things that you had left at his place and it had been 6 months.

“How are things going with the asshole?” Buck asks as you place his food in front of him.

“Ugh. Fine. For now. He finally agreed to meet me and give my shit back.” You lean against the counter and take a bite of your dinner.

“Need me to come as backup?” He asks , eyebrow raised. God he’s hot. It’s not fair.

“No, it’s fine. You’ll only back it worse.” You laugh. You’re picturing Buck showing up with you and your ex throwing a fit about you with a guy.

“Ok, well if you need me you know where I live.” He grins and you giggle. God he’s cute. Sometimes you wondered if you should just let yourself fall for him.

——————

Things couldn’t have gone worse. You had a horrible day at work and then when you got to the meeting place to get your stuff back he wasn’t there. He was an hour late and when he got there he handed you a box with a bunch of destroyed shit. Only a handful of it was probably salvageable.

Then when you asked him what the fuck he did he started berating you. Telling you it was your fault, telling you that you should’ve gotten it sooner. Telling you that he never loved you and he had the chance to cheat but he didn’t because he was too embarrassed for you. You knew none of this was his fault but just like you did when you were in a relationship with him you started to fall for his gaslighting.

You left the elevator with the box in hand and dropped it in front of your door as you fumbled for your keys. When they slipped from your hand you finally lost it. You leaned your forehead against your door and just started sobbing.

You don’t think you could even bother to be embarrassed with how shitty you feel but you’re sure you’ll feel it later.

“Y/n? What’s wrong?” Buck’s voice sounds from behind you.

Ok maybe you could be embarrassed.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it, just dropped my keys.” You mumble and lean down to pick your keys up and quickly unlocked your door, kicking the box inside and hoping Buck doesn’t notice it.

“Did you go and get your stuff today? Did something happen?” Buck follows you despite your shut down and you don’t even care. You find yourself spilling all the details to him. He shuts your door and guides you to the couch as you sob and tell him everything.

He gently guides you into his arms and you can’t believe how good it feels. He’s warm and welcoming and his arms are so strong and you can’t stop yourself from nuzzling into his shirt as you hiccup.

“He’s an asshole. None of this is your fault he’s just a dick. He never deserved you.” He soothes and rubs a hand over your back.

You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that, just crying in silence as Buck held you.

“It’s not even like I’m upset about the relationship. I’m so happy I’m not with him and can find someone good. I’m just pissed and when I get pissed I cry.” You complain once you’ve finished crying.

“You’re totally fine.” Buck laughs gently, his hand still absentmindedly rubbing on your back. He’s staring into your eyes so intensely and you just can’t look away.

“Buck?” You ask gently.

“Ya, sorry. You’re just…..one of the most incredible women I’ve ever met and it sucks that this asshole didn’t appreciate you the way he should’ve.” He looks so serious as he tucks a piece of hair behind your ear.

You take in a sharp breath as his face moves closer to you.

“Can I kiss you?” He whispers, his warm breath fanning across your face.

“Please do.” You murmur. As soon as the words are out of your mouth, his lips are on yours. His kiss is gentle and sweet and then it’s more. Passionate and his tongue slipping into your mouth. The two of you pull away to catch your breath and Buck is grinning like an idiot.

“God you kiss like an angel.” Buck murmurs, “I bet there are lots of ways he wasn’t treating you well.”

You can feel your face heating up as his hand trailing over the hem of your shirt, realizing exactly what he means.

“No need to get embarrassed.” Buck smirks, “You can tell me, did he eat your pussy like you deserve?”

You shake your head slowly, “No, he would go for like 5 minutes and then say his jaw was getting tired and I’d fake an orgasm because I felt bad.”

Buck launches himself at you again and kisses you hungrily. It’s all tongues and teeth as he pulls you into his lap, his hands holding your back.

“Can I change that for you? Show you what you deserve?” He murmurs, his lips not leaving yours.

“Please.” You gasp as he lifts you up.

“Gonna take such good care of you.” Buck smiles as he places you gently on your bed and pulls his shirt off.

If there were any thoughts of your ex left they were definitely gone now. Buck’s chest was amazing, the tattoos and the just a little bit of a tummy with those abs. You feel like you’re probably drooling but you can’t be bothered when he’s coming towards you. His lips back on yours as he presses you to your mattress.

“This is ok, right?” Buck mumbles against you, hand playing with your shirt as if determines if he should take it off or not.

“Yes. Absolutely. This is…..something I’ve wanted for a whole.” You whisper, slightly embarrassed.

Buck let’s out a load groan as he pulls your shirt off, “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this too.”

Before you know it the both of you are naked and Buck is settled between your legs.

He kisses along your thighs gently, occasionally placing little nips along them as he drags his nose over your exposed cunt.

“You’re so damn beautiful.” Buck murmurs, his breath fanning over you.

“Buck please.” You groan, hips lifting slightly to try and tempt Buck to get started.

“I’m getting to it, sweetheart, don’t worry. I’m gonna take such good care of you.” He runs his hands over your hips before getting closer to you and licking gently.

You let out a gasp of breath as he keeps licking you gently, hands tightening on your hips as you start to buck them. He holds you and tastes like it’s the only thing he’s ever wanted and it makes your head spin. It’s been a long time since someone touched you like this and you had almost forgotten how amazing it feels.

As your breathing increases and you start panting he goes a little faster, presses his tongue against you a little harder. He drags his tongue across your slit, gathering your slick and rubbing it over your clit. Gently massaging the bundle of nerves with his tongue as he peers up at you through his eyelashes. He lets out a moan against you that you can feel vibrating against every inch of your pussy and you toss your head back.

“Holy fuck…..I’m gonna……gonna cum. Buck, please. Don’t stop.” You let out panting breathes as Buck pulls away for a moment.

“Don’t hold back, grind on my face, use me to help.” He instructs, his chin glistening with your wetness before he dives back in.

You can’t believe how hot that statement is as his tongue presses flat against your clit. You grind your hips against his face subtly at first but when you pulls you closer by your thighs you start going hard. Practically humping his face as his tongue flicks across you.

It doesn’t take long for you to be coming undone on his tongue. Your eyes rolling back as your grip at his small curls as he keeps feasting on you. He doesn’t pull away until he’s sure you’re throughly fucked, his tongue licking the excess off of his face.

“You taste so good.” Buck smiles as he comes up to lay next to you, “Did you feel good?”

“I felt fucking amazing.” You giggle and lean up and kiss Buck, tasting yourself on him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this hard in my life.” Buck laughs as he pulls you back to the mattress.

“Can I?” You lean over and reach towards his belt but he catches your hand and shakes his head.

“Not right now, tonight was about making you feel good.” Buck smiles and strokes your cheek, “We’ll have plenty of time for everything else…..if you’re ok with that.”

You look at him with wide eyes as you kiss him as hard as you can, “I want nothing more than to be with you.”

[snailsgoingdowntown]

Disclaimer: I don't know how the law works and I am too lazy to actually look things up for now. This is just a concept that's all over the place and I will get into greater detail about it later and correct any misinformation I might have written.

Tw: abduction, stalking, violence, obsessive behavior, toxic relationship, toxic behavior, unhealthy mindset, implied toxic workplace, and this is just everywhere. An idea I wanted to share before I forget. Also mentioned drugging.

Disclaimer #2: I do NOT condone any of the actions or behaviors that take place in this piece of fiction. None of this should be considered romantic or even normal as it is extremely toxic and dangerous. This is NOT a healthy relationship.

=

Another concept of yandere! Streamer! Xiao....

There's just one difference from the one I gave earlier...

You're the voice actor of his favorite character. A limited time character in a gacha (like well... Genshin...). At first he wasn't that interested in you, as a person. Just liked the character you voiced. But then the interviews start to happen and out of pure curiosity, he watches them and he becomes... Interested.

Has this ideal image of you, places you above him for a while. Until the illusion wears off and he realizes that you are just another person. A better person than he is, clearly, because last time he checked... It's not okay to stalk someone's social media, nor is it normal to take screen shots of every picture you have or imagine what you'll he like in person in... Devious ways.

It's normal, yeah, but that doesn't mean it's okay. Because it's not and he knows that but he's too far to even care about what's okay and what's not okay. He's a shut in anyway, only going out for groceries if he needs a breather rather than buying everything on online like he usually does. Everyone needs a break once in a while, even him.

When your character return banner comes around he whales on it. Gets you to full constellation - he has the money and apparently he also has the luck. He streams it and for once he does a voice commentary but still doesn't show his face, and everyone is surprised at how... Calm his voice is. Maybe it's a bit rough but for the most part he sounds monotone... Unless he gets irritated beyond hell. It gets a bit higher when he's excited but it's hard to detect unless you're close to him (like Venti or Hu Tao).

Buys the prints you sign, watches your live streams and videos on YouTube. Buys merch of the character you voice because 1.) He actually likes them and 2.) They remind him of you.

Turns out you're a decent person in real life, have a small group of friends and try to keep your private life secret. How cute, you even wear a disguise when you go out. You even live in the same city as him!

He's not actually that dumb, when it comes to tracking people down. Or when it comes to stalking either. He learned from the best after all, and only the best is allowed when it comes to this stuff. He knows it's not okay to do this, he knows it's not supposed to be normal, he knows he's being a creep, but the way you laugh and smile while eating with your friends is a sight he can't miss out on, you know?

Somehow he manages to convince himself to get close to you. He's a good liar, good at pretending he's not stalking you when he "accidentally" bumps into you on the subway. You're in your disguise and he can see the look of fear on your face when you think your wig fell off but it doesn't and he finds it cute how you apologize for something that's not even your fault.

He seemed like a decent guy, a bit awkward like he's not used to human interaction or talking in general, but that's what makes him somewhat unique. It's what makes you lower your guard around him, once you get to "know" him - it's just by chance that you keep bumping into each other on the streets or in stores.

He's a good listener, listens as you complain about your job. You never tell him the actual details (not that he doesn't know but pretends he doesn't ), just that you barely know what's going on because they never give you the full details. You tell him that nobody takes you seriously because you're the youngest among them and how most of your coworkers are only nice inside the work place or in public. They have to maintain a good image, after all.

He knows how that feels and unlike your coworkers, he doesn't pretend to be a good person. He's tolerant of people but that's about it, and he's only close to very few people. And now you're one of them.

You're surprised to find out he's a fan of you and that his favorite character is the one you voice. You try to keep it hidden though and he pretends that he doesn't notice the shine in your eyes whenever the topic is about the character.

He plays games that you have voice lines in. He streams them too, gotta make that extra money (and also because be genuinely likes gaming... Just not Co op. But sometimes he's forced to by his small friend group and those are the few times he doesn't stream while playing). And again, you're surprised because hey, those are games you voice. But it can just be a coincidence.

Until it doesn't feel like one, anymore.

It happens, one night. He was only supposed to see you off at the subway after a day of you 'dragging' him around. It was a good day and he was happy. But you would be lying if you said it didn't feel... Off.

The sation is empty. He was the one who said he had to leave early but wants to see you off, at least. To make sure you'll be safe and all. But it's a bit weird, how he chooses a time where the station is... Eerily empty and silent. The cameras are also having technical issues which is... Odd. Scary even.

And it happens in a fluid motion.

He's not sure how effective that one drug would be (I cannot spell but it's the one in movies where they place a rag or paper towel over someone's mouth drenched in the drug and they pass out) considering he never uses it, so he hits the pressure point on your neck instead.

You pass out and he well, takes you home. To his home.

When you come back to, you realize you're all... Tied up in a bed, and the room is a bit unorganized but isn't exactly dirty. The covers placed over you smells like Xiao and now you're scared shitless.

Especially when you notice that your disguise is gone. And you can't scream with the duck tape over your mouth, either. You're not naked, at least not yet.

He wants to make it... Comfortable for you, at least a bit. He's not deulisonal and thinks you would be okay with this. He knows you aren't and he's a bit scared himself because the police will look for you soon enough. So he doesn't do anything - if he gets charged with abduction (I don't know the actual name they use for that charge but too lazy to look it up), that's the only thing he's okay being charged with.

And you are forced to watch the news with him, forced to see your face plastered on TV as your close ones and coworkers look for you. Some think that you ran off, with how stressed you've been lately. Others think you were kidnapped.

Most of your stuff was missing too. But it didn't look like anyone broke in and for some reason, your security cameras weren't working. There aren't even any finger prints from a potential kidnapper.

They think they'll find you dead in the river by next week if they don't hurry up. Others think you had enough of it and just ran away, but your friends and family said you wouldn't do that.

Until they bring up the fact your dog is missing too. And where is it?

Cuddling up next to Xiao on the bed while your hands and feet were tied up. He's not an animal abuser and he knows what it feels like to be abandoned... And a dog won't under why it's master left it.

Animals are easier to get along with than humans.

And well, they never find you. Once that news is heard, he forces you to change your appearance, somewhat. Cuts your hair and dyes it, makes you wear contacts if he ever allows you to go outside with him (which is extremely rare), and tells the vet he found the dog at a shelter which... He kinda did.

He didn't kidnapped the dog out right, he just took it and surrendered it to the shelter for a bit before officially adopting it. Of course, when your family found out, they were livid.

But your dog was legally his since you never went to claim it (not that you could). And when the police check the shelter's security camera, they can't make out any details of the person who showed up with the dog. Even the workers there don't remember how the person looked.

And well, now you're stuck with him.

[aficionadoenthusiast]

tsoa IS a good book, even divorced from the iliad, and its a very emotional interpretation of the relationship between achilles and patroclus. But you cant fault someone being frustrated that for a majority of people, at the very least on this site, tsoa's interpretation is THE ONLY interpretation of the relationship between achilles and patroclus, because their only knowledge of the content of the iliad is what was said in tsoa. And Miller (purposely, and its not inherently a bad thing) made a lot of changes to better fit the narrative of what tsoa was trying to say: patroclus' worth was disminished (reliable narrator... unreliable narrator... the text is still the text) to emphasize his adoration of achilles, and it was effective! But the frustration comes from the constant lack of awareness people have of the distinctions between patroclus' modern portrayal (which is not entirely Miller and tsoa's fault: hades game and now, the holding achilles play also portray achilles' and patroclus dynamic in a similar way as tsoa) and how patroclus, and achilles for that matter, are in the actual iliad.

There is also thetis, and while I am not here to judge Miller's antagonizing of thetis in her book (which again, fit the narrative), you have to admit it is a bit saddening to see thesis constantly villainized without distinction wheras thetis in the iliad, had no actual ill toward patroclus, her most defining interactions with him being her weeping with her son on the shore while hes holding patroclus' body, and her giving patroclus the nectar and ambrosia of gods to keep his body from decomposing. Her relationships with both her son and husband were also "healthier" as she embody maternal love as her narrative role in the iliad.

Lastly, I think it all just comes down to tastes: while I do appreciate the soft and dramatic, almost forbidden, yearning of tsoa, I think I would enjoy it more if it was a more casual, unquestionned kind of love, the one you dont really think about until it is violently and tragically taken from you. After all, gay relationships are as diverse as any relationships. And I feel this one lacks representation, not just for achilles and patroclus, but just in general.

I apologize for the essay, this is not meant to be an attack nor a lesson, just to offer an argument from another point of view. A plesant day or night to you

hi anon! this is the post they're talking about for anyone interested.

first off, i want to say thank you for being respectful. when i opened this ask, i was honestly expecting something way worse just based on the tsoa hate i've seen.

second, when i say tsoa hate, i'm not talking about people who are frustrated that the majority of the iliad retelling content is tsoa or the people who just didn't like the book. that's fine; everyone's entitled to their opinion, and i don't expect everyone to love the book as much as i did, and, honestly, i can understand the frustration (though i generally am only looking for tsoa stuff)

everything you said is very true, but the hate i'm talking about are the people who are straight up blaming madeline miller and tsoa for everything wrong with all modern portrayals of the iliad. i won't link any of it because i don't want people who see this to click on the links just to spread hate, but believe me when i say there is a ton of it, and most of it is full of toxic masculinity, almost none of it as tagged as hate or anti, most of it mentions achilles and/or patroclus as 'soft uwu gays', all of it tags just 'tsoa' or 'patrochilles' so anyone looking for tsoa content has to see it, and all of it hates on miller for being uneducated for bullshit reasons.

the 'soft uwu gays' is the thing that really bothers me. (look up 'soft uwu tsoa' to find some of it if you want to see what i'm talking about.) hating the book is fine! like i said, not everyone's gonna have the same opinion on the book as i did. but ignoring the whole message of the book to instead prioritize traditional ideas of masculinity, and then to act like the book is feeding into a gay stereotype by making the two of them loving partners? that is straight up homophobia and sexism.

besides, the book is a retelling. it is not gonna be the same as the iliad, and that's how it's supposed to be. the point is to offer new perspectives on old stories.

i will admit that the tsoa fans that act like it's just another version of the iliad and can be taken as a substitute for the iliad are annoying and wrong. there are indeed many differences.

(reiterating: no hate on you! you were incredibly respectful and made very good points, and i'm not trying to call out everyone who didn't like tsoa! just the ones who can't figure out how to hate respectfully or have a conversation instead of an accusation match)

for the unreliable narrator thing, that is a big deal imo. if the narrator is unreliable, there is nothing in the book you can trust. in this case, the part you can't trust is patroclus' true role in the fighting as well as the real level of badassery between the two of them. like i said in the original post, the book was purposefully written to leave out a lot of the fighting because she wanted to highlight the duality of warriors, but the soldiering side is already known from the iliad which left madeline miller to speak on the loving side of patroclus and achilles via patroclus' perspective and narration.

as for thetis, i'm not gonna lie, i have not yet read the iliad, but i have read excerpts, summaries, and i have studied it (i just lost so much credibility but it's fine), so i can't speak on her tsoa portrayal (though i will say that i have never acted like tsoa is canon iliad). what i can speak on is growing up with controlling parents. i'll just leave it at it fucking sucks. although, it would have been cool to see a supportive thetis!

thanks for the ask! and, again, most of this doesn't apply to you! you were very respectful, and you had very good points!

have a good day or whatever time it is where you are!

edit: i took out the first reference to canon relating to the iliad. see notes for more info.

[atlabeth]

transferred part 20 - atla smau

part 19 | masterlist | epilogue

summary: trying to run from your past is hard, but falling for your brother’s roommate is even harder. little do you know that he’s falling for you as well.

a/n: me when i have to write more than 5 words in a series thats supposed to be a smau

anywho! basically the last chapter?? which is crazy?? filled with heartfelt emotions and the moment that you've all been waiting for, it's a wild ride. so strap in and enjoy. the epilogue will be posted later today so i can finally wrap this series up!! and dont worry theres a super long sappy authors note on the epilogue. LETS GET INTO IT

wc: 2.3k

warning(s): cursing, mentions of alcohol, hurt/comfort, one suggestive comment, mentions of toxic relationships, reader talking about her self sabotaging behavior and burnout, Bad Coping Methods (dont disappear kids)

-

“You haven’t seen her?” Zuko sighed as the same words he had heard on repeat for the past hour played through his ears again. “It’s alright, thank you. Have a good night.”

He shook his head at his friends, their defeated expressions mirroring his own as he leaned against the kitchen island. He ran an exhausted hand through his hair, and he couldn’t help but think of the countless times you had done it for him.

“Your sister doesn’t play when it comes to theatrics,” Aang lamented as he plopped on the couch next to Sokka.

“Tell me about it,” he muttered. “I mean, she doesn’t pull stuff like this. Sometimes she went over the top when she was younger, staying out a little too late or doing something stupid, but she never just… she never just tried to disappear like this. I.. I guess she was too worried about Katara and me to do anything like that, but still.” He knocked back the rest of the seltzer and tossed the can on the table — alcohol was tempting, but none of them wanted to be any less than completely aware tonight.

“We all knew she was hurting,” Sokka continued. “Not even she could be fine after everything that happened with Hahn, especially the day after, but I— I guess I thought that she would open up before just dropping off the radar completely!

“No news from the girls,” Aang announced, prompting a collective sigh from the other two boys. “I gotta give it to her, she’s been very thorough with this.”

“Of course she has. It’s classic Y/N — she can disappear without a trace, sure, but she can’t put enough effort into picking up some supplies for my project on her way home.” It was a lame attempt to lighten the mood, and though he got a weak chuckle out of Aang, it was radio silence on Zuko’s part.

“Hey, buddy.” It didn’t snap him out of his reverie, and Sokka seriously contemplated throwing his empty soda can at him. “You okay?”

“She didn’t even say anything to me,” he finally murmured, eyes trained on his phone screen. “She said she would tell me if she was having a hard time, but she didn’t say anything to me. Just suffered in silence until it got so bad she just up and left. She just… left. Without a single word to anyone. To me.”

Aang’s eyes softened and he let out a loose exhale. “Zuko, she didn’t mean to hurt you — I know that much. She’s just been under a lot of stress lately, and… I guess it didn’t manifest in the best way.”

“Stress...” he muttered, trying to piece it together. There was something nagging at the back of his skull, something on the tip of his tongue, but he just couldn’t get it. “And you guys are sure she hasn’t put anything anywhere? No texts that you missed, nothing?”

“Believe me,” Sokka said. “I’ve refreshed her pages a thousand times by now. It’s radio silence on her side. God, I wish I was more invasive and put like, a tracking device on her car or something! For all we know, she could be back to Kyoshi.”

Kyoshi. Stress. This whole thing, your disappearing act.

And suddenly, it clicked.

Zuko stood up abruptly, nearly knocking over the stool in the process and warranting puzzled looks from both of his friends as he grabbed his keys off the table and practically ran to the door.

“Zuko, where are you going?” Aang questioned.

He tugged the door open and shot a glance back at them, tension having noticeably dissolved from his shoulders.

“I know where she is.”

-

Zuko tapped idly against the steering wheel, once again glancing down at his phone screen but to no avail. His relationship with you had become infinitely more complicated since the kiss through fault of both of them — he supposed that was what happened when two people who didn’t know how to talk about their emotions caught feelings for each other. Zuko was very skilled at sticking his foot in his mouth whenever he tried to talk about anything like this, and

But you had accepted his offer to talk on the way home, so that meant something.

He had originally suggested just talking on the way home like he had proposed earlier, but you had a different idea. ‘Trust me,’ you had told him. ‘It has a good track record with making people feel better.’

Your proposition was a wildflower field on the outskirts of the city, just out of the way that someone would go en route to the university. Far enough from the city to emanate an aura of peace, but close enough to be a feasible trip.

“I found this place when I was missing home,” you smiled as he parked the car. “I love it here, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I just feel homesick for Kyoshi. You passed a field like this on the way into town, and when I stumbled here, it just kinda felt like fate. So now whenever I’m stressed, or overwhelmed, or just need a break, I come out here. And I think this is the perfect place to talk about… well, whatever’s going on with us.”

“Sounds good.” He returned the sentiment then cleared his throat. “As long as we don’t go in there. I can admire it from afar, but just looking at that field is making my skin itch.”

You laughed and nodded amiably. “Deal.”

-

One hand was splayed against your chest, the other trailing lazy circles with the pads of your fingers against the metal as you gazed up at the sky. You had the best and only seat of the view, the flora drifting softly in the night breeze as the stars twinkled from above.

You didn’t know what you were thinking, being here. The past couple of weeks had just been… crushing you. It was like your heart was stuck in a vice and no matter what you did, it just got tighter and tighter.

You had been treating everyone you knew horribly, but you couldn’t stop. It felt like a game — how terribly could you act towards them until they snapped too? Until your friends, your siblings, Zuko, recognized that they had made a mistake by trying to help you?

And you didn’t know what it was about today, but… something inside of you just broke after that morning with your roommates. So you did what you were best at, and you ran. Skipped class, skipped work, just drove around aimlessly until even that was starting to feel like too much of a trap.

And then you ended up here.

It would’ve been laughable if you weren’t on the verge of breaking down.

You had been here, just laying on the hood of your car parked a few feet away from the field on an off road path, for the better part of an hour. If you were going to drown underneath the weight of your thoughts, it was better to do it alone.

But as you heard the crunching of gravel underneath car tires, your eyes instinctively shot towards the noise — so much for being alone — and you sat up. Your brows furrowed in recognition, you knew that car, and it felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest when Zuko stepped out.

“You remembered,” you breathed after a moment of silence. “You’re here.”

“Always.” He said it so obviously, so easily — why wouldn’t he remember? Why wouldn’t he be here?

You scooted over to make space on the hood and patted the space next to you softly, pulling your knees up to your chest in a moment of shame as he walked around to the front and pushed himself up next to you. What were you going to say to him? What could you say?

“I’m sorry,” you said out of the blue, your words pouring out of you like an emotional waterfall. “I’m sorry for just— for just leaving, I know it was stupid and I know they’re all probably worried out of their minds, but I couldn’t do it, Zuko. I-it was like I was trapped, and I know it was irrational, but I had to get out of there—”

“You didn’t have to,” he said quietly, effectively stopping your rant. “If you really had to get out, you could’ve at least said something to one of us. I don’t know what things were like back at Kyoshi, but here— here, you can’t throw yourself back onto the knife every time something goes wrong, because— you just can’t do that anymore.”

“I’m not mad, believe me, I’m relieved that you’re okay. I just..” he sighed and glanced up at the night sky, the light of the moon illuminating his features as he faced you once more. “I know you’ve felt alone before, but you’re not. You have Katara, and Sokka, Suki, Toph— you have me, Y/N! And I’m not going anywhere, trust me, but— but you can’t keep doing this to yourself, because they care about you, and I care about you.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and chose to concentrate on the hood of the car, tapping your fingers against the metal as a way to use up your nervous energy. “You’re… you’re right,” you said after a long moment of silence, the beginnings of a mirthless smile on your lips.

“After that night at the party, I just— I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened. There was a part of me that just wanted to lock myself in my room and never come out, but I— I told myself I was better than that, and I refused to let myself fall back onto any of it. So I worked. I took extra shifts, I helped out my professors, I did anything and everything I could to try and keep my mind off of Hahn. But I wasn’t helping anything, I was just… I was destroying myself. It was just like you said. I was a candle burning at both ends but still convinced that I was doing the right thing, and eventually.. I just couldn’t take it anymore. So I ran.”

“And— there’s always been this… this voice in my head that pops up after things in my life are going good, and it tells me that something is going to go wrong. A-and it tells me that if I’m the one that ruins it, then I don’t have to ask myself what I did wrong, if I could’ve stopped it from happening— if it’s inevitable, then I should be the one to ruin it. It’s how most of my relationships ended, and— well, the only thing it’s succeeded in is making me miserable.”

You don’t even notice your hands are shaking until you feel Zuko placing his own over yours — a simple gesture asking an unsaid question, one you answer by intertwining his fingers with your own.

“That same voice popped up again once I started getting close to you,” you admitted quietly. “And this whole time, I’ve been so terrified of falling that I never considered you would catch me. But I’m tired, Zuko. I’m tired of constantly looking over the edge.”

As you turned your head to meet his eyes again, your breath caught in your throat at his close proximity. You were sure that no matter how much time you spent with him, your heart would never stop beating out of your chest for Zuko.

“I will always be there to catch you,” he affirmed softly. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

And just like before, he brought his hand to the side of your face and tenderly brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear. His hand, slightly calloused but emanating comfort all the same, lingered on your cheek for a moment before he posed the question.

“Can I kiss you?”

You nodded, and his lips captured your own immediately. You reciprocated with an almost desperate fervor and— and it just felt so right. You had grown so accustomed to the constant warmth he carried with him that it had become a part of you, he had become a part of you, and now a life without Zuko was just unimaginable.

He was right — he already was there to catch you, each and every time. Giving you endless rides when your car broke down, sitting through the world’s most boring anthro projects, letting you bare your soul to him, telling you it was all going to be okay when nothing felt okay, and managing to find you when you had gone out of your way to not be found. And all of it— it all made you realize.

You didn’t want to keep running. And you didn’t have to. Not anymore.

Zuko pulled away and pressed his forehead to yours, breathing slightly labored as the two of you sat in comfortable silence. That is, until you broke it.

“So,” you started, a nervous chuckle following. “Are we… are we a thing now?”

You could tell that caught him by surprise by the laugh that escaped him, a sound of unfiltered joy. “I’d say that we are.”

You could feel the heat rushing to your cheeks once more as he slid off of the hood of the car and held out his hand, an offering you took happily. “We should get home,” he said, somewhat reluctantly. “It’s past midnight, and—” Zuko glanced at his phone and grimaced. “They’re all still worried out of their minds.”

“Right,” you muttered. “I’m gonna get the lecture of my life from Sokka and Katara.”

“Probably,” he chuckled. “But they’re just doing their job as concerned siblings.” He pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead and glanced back at his own car. “I’ll see you back at the apartment?”

You nodded, an uncontrollable smile pulling at your lips. “Thank you, Zuko. For this, and— for everything.”

He returned the sentiment, golden eyes filled with adoration.

“Always.”

-

if your name is crossed out it means i can’t tag you!

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atla: @marianne1806

[love-takes-work]

When someone toxic needs a friend

I just wanna add a little personal reflection to the discussion of Spinel’s treatment in Steven Universe: The Movie.

A few signposts so you know where I’m starting with this:

A criticism I’ve seen: 

Steven was not particularly warm to Spinel. He did not hug her. He did not offer to be her friend. He spoke carelessly and triggered her toward becoming murderous again. He only cared about what she could do for him.

A perspective I’ve seen: 

LOTS of people with borderline personality disorder or strong feelings about abandonment personally relate to Spinel and are critical of Steven from this perspective.

Rebecca Sugar’s commentary on Spinel:

The thing about Spinel is that she’s a really toxic person. 

She’s so toxic that she’s literally trying to poison people. 

In my interactions with friends who have had a history difficult enough to make it hard for them to trust other people and sometimes even actively want to hurt others, it’s just a very difficult situation to navigate. In the case of Spinel and all of these characters, that’s extremely exaggerated because cartoons have the ability to be extreme exaggerations. I wanted to explore what it’s like when you’re trying to help someone who really doesn’t want to help themselves, who wants to embody the negative feelings that they have about themselves. I think that’s something really real. I hadn’t seen that in a cartoon before. 

Spinel, unlike many other characters, actually has the goal of hurting people, which is new territory for the show. She really wants to hurt Steven, and there’s a reason that she does—because she’s in so much pain. I just wanted to explore all the dimensions of that.

I also think Steven has his way of trying to handle and dissolve conflict. It’s not necessarily a good way for him to handle this situation. It really leaves him in a difficult state, and I think what I wanted to show in the way that they interact is that at a certain point, when you can’t help someone, you have to be able to protect yourself. 

Ultimately, he can’t really convince her to change. It’s something she’ll have to want for herself. But what he can do is protect himself from her, making it impossible for her to hurt him. 

It’s sort of up to you if you would like to love her. If you watch this movie and she, you know, frustrates you, that is totally fair. I want that to be a big part of who she is.

[From the AV Club interview]

So here are a few things I want to shed light on.

It’s very interesting that Rebecca intended Spinel to be read as “a toxic person” because so many fans fell in love with her, said they’d be her friend, hated intensely on Pink Diamond because of what she did to abandon the poor Gem, and sympathized with her directly. But Rebecca was looking at Spinel from Steven’s perspective. And that’s also what I did.

I’ve been Steven. I have VERY much been Steven.

When you meet someone who was done dirty, when you recognize the horror they’ve been through, when you see how much pain they are in and agree they have the right to be angry, it’s natural for empathetic people to offer themselves as comfort.

But when you’re Steven, you also know it isn’t YOUR fault either. Before you have the ability and experience to set boundaries, you can get sucked into other people’s stormy waters and think you’re helping if you drown in solidarity with them. What’s really important to preserving yourself is learning that you can stand on the boat and toss a life preserver. That it doesn’t ACTUALLY HELP to jump in the water and sink with them.

Some folks are angry that Steven didn’t jump right into sacrifice himself on the altar of friendship in the service of an intense, literally murderous stranger who tried to poison him and his planet and lash out at his friends, robbing them of their rich pasts and their relationships because all of it hurt HER so much. It is SO easy to understand WHY SPINEL WAS ANGRY. But nothing she was doing to Steven, his friends, or the Earth was going to fix her problems, and furthermore, she FULLY UNDERSTOOD that it was NOT THE FAULT of any of the people she took her anger out on. It was irrational, yes, and that is part of her dysfunction. But also, in these situations, what helps explain it still does not excuse it.

Some have railed at Steven saying he somehow forgave genocidal tyrants like the Diamonds but couldn’t be friends with a damaged Gem like Spinel who just wanted friendship. The big difference there is that Steven got involved with the Diamonds when both parties believed he was a different person. The Diamonds believed he was the lost Pink Diamond, and Steven has also spent much of his superhero life believing he WAS his mother and was therefore obligated to accept punishment for her crimes or to clean up the messes she made. Now that he knows he is not her and that she did some pretty horrible stuff, he also wants the right to stop feeling responsible for every person Pink hurt in the entire region of space.

Steven gave Spinel basically compassionate treatment. He did not abuse her. He did not insult her. He occasionally coddled her when it seemed important (and though some said he was too businesslike while he pursued his mission, he was literally looking at the world ending within two days if he didn’t solve the problem). And most importantly . . . .

He let her leave the garden.

Spinel stayed in the garden all those millennia because Pink Diamond told her they were playing a game. All that time, she had visions of Pink returning so she could see her smile, hear her laughter. We see a sequence where she tried to follow Pink out of the garden and Pink manipulated her into staying willingly. We watch those feet leaving and one pair of feet staying behind. We see Pink disappear.

When Steven goes to leave the garden, Spinel follows in the same manner. Some have criticized him for letting go of her hands.

But he invited her out of the garden. He didn’t say stay. He said come with me.

As he sang about her deserving someone better, he was sincere. But he did not say the person to make her feel found should be him. He did not want to take on another person with thousands of years of baggage who would require a specific brand of attention and so much tenderness to avoid snapping. He did not allow her to be held by the hand and led out. He recognized that she needed encouragement to leave this place because of what was done to her, but he wanted her to take the steps.

Compassionate people are crushed all the time under the weight of needy people who make it hurt to love. People like Steven can acknowledge that Spinel deserves love and deserves to be happy without accepting that it’s heartless to stop short of personally doing it. Especially when you literally have to take physical, mental, and emotional damage as a general consequence of offering support and counseling. It is sometimes just beyond what you can do.

I made the mistake several times of getting very close to someone who treated me poorly while taking comfort in my presence. I cared that they were hurt and I didn’t know how to say “You deserve love” without stepping in and loving them. In EVERY case I was involved with, the person went from initially grateful to “why don’t you help me more?” shockingly quickly, and two of them deliberately tried to create situations where I would be trapped with them and isolated from others. 

I could get very personal here but I don’t think I need to. Those of us who relate all too well to Steven wanting to help others will have been in this situation. Your heart hurts for people who live with pain that has never touched you, but when they’ve made it clear with one of their first actions that they feel satisfied at the idea of ruining your life, trusting them could mean the end of you. Especially if they demand that you risk life and limb to fix and save them before you’d dare to call it love, and especially if they want to be fixed without feeling responsible for initiating any of it. Some people mistake suffering for working hard toward a goal. Both can hurt but only one is constructive. If I’m expected to spend extensive resources on someone, I need some partnership in the goal, and I can’t accomplish that with someone whose wish for companionship manifests as “I want you to feel as bad as I do, and will take steps to hurt you so I have someone to cry with.”

Steven risked his actual life while he didn’t have powers so he could go talk to Spinel, and he wouldn’t fight her when she wanted to fight. He protected himself while she spent her anger. He STILL put himself in the line of fire far more than a less compassionate person would. He took time and tenderness to listen to her story and sympathize with her, tell her she deserved better, bear witness to what she’d become after being treated like a discarded plaything, and bring her hope with promises of a new future and a way to feel found.

Sadly, Spinel flipped back to being murderous at the first sign that Steven might be about to prioritize someone other than her, reframing his reasonable needs as if he was planning to abandon her, isolate her, discard her. This was a trauma reaction, yes, and she isn’t entirely to blame for being upset because she was worried she was just being used and none of her actions were logically thought through. 

But does someone ever “deserve” the friendship of a specific person who can’t feel warm toward them because of their OWN bad experiences? 

No! 

Steven has a big heart but he has his very own huge storehouse of trauma, and being physically attacked with his family and planet put in danger over the actions of his mother is at the top of the list. Instead of assuming that the person who has trauma the loudest is the most hurt, can’t we just acknowledge that Spinel’s and Steven’s respective traumas make them NOT the best match for friendship?

The ending of the movie, with Spinel going off with the Diamonds, might seem a little disturbing with all the codepencency floating around there, but if you want to talk about compassion, I think this is a good place for Spinel to start. 

She just wanted to make Pink Diamond laugh and enjoy her life. She longed to do that for so long and then it all ended when she found out she would NEVER GET TO DO IT. I think bonding with the other Diamonds and having a familiar, safe place to experience the kind of love she’s used to will be a good FOUNDATION for building herself into a person beyond that. For now, she needs comfort. I hope they treat her well.

[timextoxhajima]

Nevertheless: Pride & Dignity [17]

CHAPTER NAVIGATION [COMPLETED]

synopsis: hwang seol eun finds herself stuck between a toxic relationship with lee hyunjae and a heart-fluttering dynamic with lee juyeon

pairing: jujae x [fem] reader, 3rd person pov [read as hwang seol eun]

genre [per chapter]: angst, fluff

word count: 3k

taglist: @hyunjaethereal @yyyerum @purrple-winkle @17scheol @ten-gift @louvyves @winterbeartaehyungbestboy @flwrtbz @gyujaehyun @i2gyus @sunwoowuvbot @softforqiankun @givememunjang @peachyho @vousty @bubutaeyongie @sofie296 @deputyjuyeon @changminurheart @from-xero @grassbutneo @sknyuz @pockyandme @itstbz @bluecrane01 [pls use this link to submit your URLs for tagging!]

the rest of the week went quiet. and by 'quiet', seol eun means quiet.

ryu sang hyuk had been called back to his office for reasons she would probably never find out. the only thing remains entertaining or vaguely interesting was mi jung’s reunification with jacob.

of course, she doesn’t admit it.

then there’s juyeon, fumbling around like a clumsy baby learning how to walk. he’s showing up at seol eun's workplace with all the things she needed and usually at the time she needed it. he’s the boss of his own company so he doesn’t exactly need to follow the rules he sets. nonetheless, it’s more than endearing to have him surprise you at the office every 2 or 3 days or so with coffee or tea and snacks, sometimes for the entire office at that.

juyeon might just have a problem with people not liking him. maybe that’s how he won her over.

then, there's lee hyunjae. the one that keeps her up way past the time she starts to hear juyeon snoozing behind her, with his arms wrapped around her waist.

she's going to be damned to hell for being in bed with one man, but thinking about another.

but how could she not, when there's some sort of ironic guilt in her for ruining hyunjae's chance at redeeming himself?

maybe she should've just let him finish with her. maybe she should've given him that one shot of mending his mistake.

"are you awake?" juyeon's groggy voice trails from behind her. he inhales a long breath, arms wrapping tighter around her waist and under her neck as he digs his nose into her hair.

"how did you know?" with a gentle smile, seol eun shuffles around, smiling at juyeon's face. his eyes are closed, but he's reaching down to pull the blanket up over her shoulder.

"can hear your brain screeching with all those gears," he whispers into her forehead. "what are you thinking about?"

seol eun gently shakes her head, her eyes drifting from his cheeks to his nose to his lips and then she zones out. "nothing."

"liar," he presses a kiss into her forehead. "is it mi jung and jacob?"

"no."

"hyungwon?"

"no."

"hm... work?"

"no."

"ryu?"

"no. though he is pretty quiet."

"maybe some family stuff cropped up and from the looks of it, his sister's pretty hard to escape."

"yeah."

"hm..." juyeon hums to himself. it trails off, sounding like he fell back asleep. but seol eun knows he can guess it.

"i'm sorry," she mumbles into his neck, snuggling closer and inhaling his scent. "i couldn't... not."

"it's okay. i know it must've been hard for him and it must've been hard for you to hear it too. i'm sorry i wasn't there."

"no, no, oh, god," seol eun winces to herself and lifts her hand to stroke the skin on his neck. "it's not your fault. none of this is your fault. i went behind your back and met up with him to return the flask and then he told me that only because i asked."

"mhm, and nothing else came of it, right?" juyeon sniffles.

"mhm," seol eun rests her head on his shoulder, his hair now combing through her hair.

"then that's fine. i trust you, so do what you need to do and have the time to yourself. i'll always be here for you if you need me."

seol eun purses her lips, nodding to herself and sighing.

"goodnight, ju," she whispers, closing her eyes.

"goodnight."

the next morning feels like a resolution for seol eun. it was the opening day of ryu sang hyuk’s exhibition for for some strange reason, he wasn’t around for the grand opening. seeing his photographs printed on the canvases and hung up throughout the exhibition hall felt like a major throwback. the aesthetics of his pictures hadn’t changed, and for a moment, she was worried she was going to be seeing herself. but none of the photos included her, or even had a slither of an idea that she was involved.

they were all taken in their own grandeur in his favour, and she was more than relieved to have been able to help spread the beauty of the photographs, even if it meant the person behind the camera was a psychotic ex-boyfriend.

mi jung was busy handing out the special invitation tags to other exhibition organizers and some VIPs outside the hall while seol eun remained quiet inside. she roamed through the isles and lanes, glancing over the descriptions of the photos because she had already read them during prep.

every now and then, she forgets why she fell in love with ryu sang hyuk, especially with his current demeanour, there isn’t much to love. but back then, he was so marvelled in what he loved. maybe he just lost sight of what was more important, and she paid the price.

then again, perhaps this was all just for show. she’s only calm now because he’s not here, triggering her anxiety and extreme thoughts. but either way, she was grateful he wasn’t here.

“ayo! are you ready in there? you need to help me unlock the barriers!”

seol eun whips around upon mi jung’s loud voice, smiling as she slow jogs to the entrance.

"ah, the man himself had family issues to tend to. i'm afraid he can't join us today," mi jung is heard telling some VIPs. "but he sends his regards and you're welcome to leave any well wishes or pen down any thoughts you have. there's a little note pad in the last room, feel free to scribble anything there. it'll be handed to him."

mi jung offers her service smile, bright and pretty as she turns. seol eun bites on her bottom lip, wanting to tease her.

she hadn't seen mi jung so happy in quite a long time.

"what? are you gonna just stand there and ogle at me or are you gonna be helpful and open the barrier?" mi jung mumbles under her breath, one hand still holding out the brochures for the VIPs to take.

"oh, nothing," seol eun grins, pulling the retractable barriers and opening the glass door from the inside. "just wondering what kind of magic hand jacob has."

"shut up," mi jung squints and turns around. "the exhibition is officially open!"

every time seol eun opens an exhibition, she feels a sense of accomplishment. she's helped another artist broaden their audience. but this time it feels different. albeit she's done the exact same procedure over and over again and this time was no different, everything felt like it had been done on the side.

there were so many things occupying her life from the start of this exhibition, she didn't have the time to really sit down and revel in her love for the job.

she missed it.

it's watching them stop at every exhibit, every artpiece, to read the label that makes her heart warm. artists don't create for the sake of creating - they create because they want to make a change, they want to incite a reaction, they want to connect.

it might seem so surficial at times, especially when it comes to products that include nudity or abstract concepts but really, why would anybody spend time on something they know wouldn't create a change, even if it were the smallest?

the day had zipped past without seol eun realising it, apart from jacob sending lunch to them at the exhibition hall and mi jung (very) obviously trying her best not to launch herself into his arms.

does she realise that jacob is only so available because he doesn't live in korea anymore? is she just savouring whatever that is left of him being here?

juyeon.

that's seol eun's 'jacob'. or at least, that's what she hopes he is.

but he finally shows up, with a small bouquet of flowers as a gift to the exhibition and everyone that's helped with it. seol eun had thought juyeon would be petty and not do that, but he proved her wrong and it did nothing but sweeten the way she looked at him.

there weren't many visitors left and mi jung had jacob helping her clear up the exhibition hall, knowing that seol eun and juyeon had plans to have dinner with hyungwon.

in the car, seol eun can't hide the nervousness she was feeling. bringing juyeon to meet hyungwon was as good as letting a child compare two adults. it's worse when hyungwon is a bright one. she couldn't escape the thought of hyungwon thinking about a certain someone else, or him comparing juyeon to that someone else.

one was his teacher and the other is a stranger.

"hey."

seol eun whips her head to look at juyeon, not noticing she was spacing out so much that the car had stopped at a red light a good distance from the exhibition hall.

"i'll try my best with hyungwon, okay? and if he doesn't like me, you can always go out with him on your own."

"no, i'll think he'll be fine. i just... y'know he's just more accustomed to hyunjae. i don't want him to compare you to him."

"he's still young, and that's normal. you said he's a smart kid too, right? so even if he does, he's probably not gonna say it. and if he does, natural," juyeon shakes his head and keeps his eyes on the road, his hands on the steering wheel. "people naturally compare the ones who know and love, that's how we make decisions on whom we want to stick by, don't we?"

seol eun scratches her forehead, eyes drifting back to the traffic light as it turned green.

just like how hyunjae compared her to his ex-girlfriend. just like how she would naturally compare him to juyeon. just like how hyungwon would compare the sight of hyunjae with her and juyeon with her.

at sanghee's residence, hyungwon had absolutely no trouble ignoring juyeon. the latter bowed and greeted the couple, introducing himself and offering a handshake while handing them a fruit basket.

"oh, you didn't have to. it's so nice for seol eun to be taking him out already," sang hee grins widely, taking the fruit basket and mindlessly handing it to her husband.

"don't worry, it's my pleasure," juyeon smiles again, automatically turning to look at hyungwon. "hi there. i'm juyeon, in case you didn't know."

"hi, juyeon," and hyungwon pulls himself off seol eun, holding a hand out to juyeon and grinning from ear to ear. "it's nice to meet you."

all that worrying over juyeon and hyungwon was washed down the drain when seol eun realised how easily juyeon could speak to hyungwon. she thanks the fact that hyungwon is a smart boy, and that juyeon is able to forget that he was actually a little boy.

over dinner (not the same restaurant that she went with hyungwon and hyunjae), she can't help but watch as juyeon spent his time cutting up a huge chicken cutlet for him, only handing the fork back to him so he could shove the pieces into his mouth.

seol eun wondered for a moment if hyungwon was just being polite, and if he was just being nice to juyeon because seol eun is one of his favourite adults.

but she doesn't really have the time to worry about it, not when he's leaving soon. she's just grateful hyungwon is easy to take care of.

that butterfly feeling whelms seol eun eventually, when she sees how comfortable hyungwon was able to get with juyeon. he was unconsciously bumping himself into juyeon's legs, his hands automatically reaching up to juyeon's hand when he walks past someone else along the pavement.

juyeon eventually gives in and offers to hold his hand, blatantly asking the child who giggles and takes it.

she wonders if hyungwon was simply pretending juyeon was hyunjae.

am i?

"okay, finish that before we go into the lift," seol eun looks into the backseat and gestures to the ice cream in his hand. "don't think your mom would like that we got you that so late."

"it's okay," hyungwon shakes his head, an outline of the white ice cream coated on his lips. "daddy lets me eat candy sometimes when mummy isn't looking."

juyeon pulls the car into parking, a faint smile on his lips as he turns around. "your dad sounds like a fun guy."

"he is," hyungwon nods, shoving the end of the cone into his mouth. "well, so is mr. lee. he lets me do stuff in class like eat sweets or read a book if i've finished my homework."

seol eun side-eyes juyeon, but his smile doesn't falter.

"that's nice. i mean, if you've finished your work and you know what's going on, i think that's fine," he nods. "anyway, seol eun told me you're going overseas to study. are you excited?"

"mhm, daddy says he can take me sledding and skating during winter! and the lakes will be frozen and we can throw snowballs!"

"that does sound like a whole lot fun."

"but i will miss seol eun, and mr. lee, and you!"

"i'm honored," juyeon chuckles.

"can you come visit? i don't know if mummy will come back soon after we move..."

seol eun and juyeone exchange quiet glances. juyeon knows she's heartbroken, but there's nothing she can do about it.

"we can try. i promise we'll try, okay?" seol eun gives a weak smile, reaching out and ruffling his hair. "now, let's get you home."

after cleaning hyungwon's lips and letting him drink some water to get rid of the sweet scent from his mouth, he had the courage to ask juyeon for a ride on his shoulders - to which he gladly obliged.

by the time he's returned to sang hee's door step, hyungwon seemed alot happier than he was when they first picked him up.

juyeon was not an exception.

"come on, let's get you washed up. mummy has some stuff to say to seol eun, alright? now say bye bye."

"bye, seol eun. bye, juyeon," his little waves cause seol eun's heart to crack, and she waves back.

"bye bye. i'll see you soon, i promise."

"okay. bye bye!"

"bye!" juyeon tiptoes and waves over sang hee's head as her husband takes the boy away.

"i actually have some things to say to seol eun in private so if he's not-"

"oh, no," seol eun grabs juyeon's hand and squeezes it. "he knows. it's okay."

"i... didn't know how else to tell you this," sang hee leans on the door, keeping it open. "but i'd like you to know that sang hyuk is coming to us with switzerland. i've been making him handle the administrative matters that he can't say 'no' to because he knows i will go to the police about what happened with you. i'm assuming he didn't show up to his exhibition opening today?"

seol eun parts her lips. she doesn't know why she hadn't pieced the information together.

"for real?"

"mhm," sang hee nods, pursing her lips. "look, i'm... sorry that he did whatever he did to you, and i'm so happy that you could move on, but i don't think i'd be able to see you and not think about all the things he did. this is my way of fixing things, and since we're also trying to expand our business... we thought it'd be a good idea for our entire family to go."

seol eun's eyes are tearing. she doesn't know her grip on juyeon's hand is tightening. sang hee's eyes are glimmering too, and she has the slightest smile on her lips.

sang hee blames her brother's misdoings on herself.

"you're moving... partially because of... me?"

sang hee purses her lips and steps out of the apartment, leaving the door to swing shut behind her. she holds seol eun's arms, thumb rubbing her shoulders as juyeon lets her go.

"i would've... done anything for you to be part of this family. i would. i love you so much and i know hyungwon loves you the same... i just can't pretend my brother didn't do what he did, and i'd never be able to forget it the way you moved on. i admire you for that, you know?"

"oh, stop it, you're making me cry," seol eun sniffles and looks down at the floor, her face cringing as her nose sours. sang hee chuckles, sucking a deep breath through her lips and nodding, reaching up to push seol eun's hair out of her face.

"i'm sorry he made you cry. you don't deserve it."

seol eun tilts her head, trying her best not to break out into ugly sobs. with a small sigh through parted lips, sang hee releases her and takes juyeon's hand, placing his and seol eun's hands together.

"i'm so happy you found someone who'd treat you so well. i wish the both of you all the love in the world."

juyeon bites on his bottom lip, nodding as he wraps an arm around seol eun.

"alright," sang hee nods, frowning as she reaches up to wipe her tears away. "off you go now, i know you still have work tomorrow."

seol eun inhales sharply, nodding as she pulls away from juyeon, allowing him to press a kiss into her forehead.

"please tell me when your flight is," seol eun whispers. "i don't care if sang hyuk is there, but you were my family at some point of time and i'd like to be there to see you off."

sang hee hesitates for a second, then nods. "okay. i'll text you."

both of them smile sadly at each other, then hug for a long while.

"thank you for letting me be a part of your family."

[popcorn1989]

Can i request a cahir fic where readers former relationship was toxic and cahir (who is now with reader) comforts them and reassure them(like that they don't need to ask permission for stuff if they want to do it, or something along that)

If that would be possible :D

Hope you had a great week btw

Hey,

I think, I know what you mean. I had to back into the story a bit, hope you like it.

Pairing: Cahir x Reader

Warning: None

Words: 1079

𝕀 𝕕𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕖𝕣𝕧𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦

"Give me the Damn Hammer" You were standing next to your friend, he was the stable boy in the army of the Nilfgaader. That day, it was raining, and the wind was whipping your hair in your face. You grabbed the hammer and put it in your friend's hand. "This will go faster, or do you think I like it here, in the rain, securing the stable?" You exhaled for a moment, before answering "No" He pounded the nail into the wood, then cried out as he hit his thumb. He came down the ladder and grabbed, your collar. "This is all your fault" he said and pushed you aside, you decide to go home because he would be mad too if the food was not on time, on the table.

But he held you by the shoulder and turned you to face him. "What do you think you're doing?" "I wanted to prepare the food" "You don't leave without asking me" You saw that he was going to lunge with his hand, you were used to being hit, so you close your eyes and wait for the pain. But after a long time nothing happened until you perceived another voice "If you do that it will be the last thing you do", you open your eyes and saw the commander of the white flame, standing next to your friend, he had his hand clasped. "I don't see what business it is of yours" "It is very much my business, you won't hurt her anymore, because you are leaving this very day, this place" Your friend looked at you angrily, Cahir also looked at you, but lovingly and his blue eyes were shining, on this dreary day.

His wet hair blew in his face, just like yours. "Without her" he spoke, letting go of your friend and pushing him, into the wet sand. He jumped up, about to run towards you, when Cahir stood in front of you and took his sword hilt in his hand, "No" he said coolly and imperiously. You looked your friend in the eye for a long time, but from that day on, you never saw him again. Instead, Cahir invited you to dinner several times, he made you laugh, listened to you attentively, until that one day when he kissed you. Now you were together, but you couldn't get rid of your habits. Today was just as rainy day, you sat on a chair by the window and got lost in your thoughts. "Do you think I can wear this?"

You watched the raindrops running down the window, reminding you of the tears you had shed so many times in the evening. "Honey?" You're startled, you had completely forgotten that Cahir was with you. Your eyes met his, and he held a red shirt out to you. You hate the color, didn't notice as you furrowed your brow "Yeah looks good" you said, but he had already noticed that you had lied. "Say it honestly, if you don't like it, I'll take the black one." You were a little confused, "Can I say what I think? And you won't hit me?" He looked at you sympathetically, even a little sadly.

He threw the red shirt on the bed, then came to you. You flinched slightly as he squatted in front of you, he had noticed that too. "Honey, I would never hurt you. You know that, but if I have to, I'll tell you every day" He took your hands in his and stroked your skin with his thumbs. Then he looked at you again. "You may tell me your opinion, gladly even, otherwise I wouldn't ask you." Now he smiled and at the sight of him, you had to smile too. You wanted to kiss him so much, but decided it was better not to, and asking him about it was uncomfortable for you. "Don't you have a blue one? That would go better with your eye color" you said and saw Cahir tilting his head. "I don't think so, I only have the red one, or the black ones" He stood up, walked to the closet and opened it "Then take a black shirt"

He gave a short laugh, turned to you and raised an eyebrow. "to Fringilla, birthday?" You shrugged "You're right, it's a day like any other" You smile to yourself as he turned and grabbed a black shirt from the closet, then realized you had to get ready yourself, too" May I get up and go get ready?" Cahir turned to you too slowly, his gaze hard as a stone. "No," he said seriously, stepping away from the closet, a black shirt in hand. "What do you think?" he said as he grabbed your arm and pulled you off the chair and hugged you with one arm. Your heart started to leap fast, and you're blaming yourself, how could you ask such a stupid question? You were surprised when he kissed you, his kiss was tender and loving.

His lips slipped from yours, and he looked deep into your eyes "Don't ever ask me again if you can do something, otherwise I'll have to come up with something" "What do you mean?" you asked excitedly, he must have noticed your trembling body, then he threw the shirt on the bed, so he could hold you in both arms. Then he smiled, "I want you to feel free, I want you to be able to do whatever you want without asking me. I won't hurt you, ever!" he raised an eyebrow, then smiled because you'd calmed down, you slowly wrapped your arms around him, something you would never have done without asking. It felt good, and you felt safe for the first time.

"Does that mean I can kiss you whenever I want?" you ask carefully, you saw his eyes start to sparkle, he nodded "Of course" "And I can have sex whenever I want, so of course only with you" you ask and correct yourself immediately, the fear came back, but Cahir took your face in his hand and smiled, "That too, but only with me of course" "I don't deserve you" you said and kissed him for the first time, without asking. It would take a long time, and you will have to refrain from asking a question again and again. But you know you are safe with him, he loves you and would never hurt you.

End.

[anarmorofwords]

Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

[kissme-hs]

Torn Strings.2

Author’s note: here’s the awaited part 2 of my previous writing. One thing I wanted to let you all know is that this one is based on my personal feelings. Yes, I am experiencing whatever I’m writing. So I’m trying to put as much emotions as I can in it. Hope you all enjoy. Feedback is appriciated very much.

~Ria

Part 1

Pairing: Fem! Reader x Harry styles

Warnings: 18+ smut, slight age gap, explicit language, fingering, oral sex giving and recieving.

Word count: 2.5k

                                                       ————

“Are you a hoe?”

It’s been a almost a month since Harry slammed the teak wooden door. The loud thud still echoes in your mind of wandering thoughts. To be honest he isn’t the one to be blamed you fell in love. It’s just in his nature, his charm works it’s magic even on those who refused to once give in the feeling of love. That’s just who he is.

And you know, after how ended things last time you shouldn’t be going back to him but it is just the way it is.

So when you texted him on a Saturday evening a month after of no contact-asking if he’d like to hangout since he was back in the town, not too long ago past his sudden outburst he didn’t say no. Pretending forgetting like- anything furious ever happened he showed up on your doorstep dressed up in one of his black sweatpants and navy blue sweater looking completely different from how the world views him. 

And ever since his visit, the circle started again. But this time things changed. He became careful of his actions, making sure to make a move that might end up backfiring on him developing even stronger feelings in your heart for him. He stopped replying to your texts, only messaging you when he wanted to. And other stuff that not only made your heart ache but question your worth, were you so unworthy of to be fallen in love with?

 Despite the toxicity this relationship of yours with Harry brought in your life, there was no stopping. You tried going on dates to check your compatibility with other men but none of them turned out to be like Harry’s. All the men were absolute sweethearts, but you couldn’t find the one that made you feel things like Harry did. The way you could be yourself around him was one of the reasons why you’re beats faster around him.

But when he chose very odd words to describe you, your mind went blurry. Is that what he thought of you? It hasn’t even been 15 minutes, you both still catching your breath from the orgasm.

His lips were hot and heavy on yours as he pushed you back on your bed with a slight force. Lips were never yours he placed his legs on either side of you, his hands travelled up your sides stopping at your shoulders. Fingers dancing delicately on the supple skin of your bare shoulder, his strong tongue gliding in your own with such as ease as your lips smacked together. Biting your lower lip with a tug he pulled away making you arch your back if your soul left your body with the kiss.

As shiver ran down your spine as the back of his ring cladded fingers ran over your skin before pulling down the straps of your cami top kissing the-now complete naked skin of your shoulder. Lips trailing kisses all the way to your neck. A gentle giggle leaving past your lips with the contact of his scruffy cheeks buried in the crook of your neck. You felt him smile over your skin with your hands tangling in his hair-a little wet from the shower he took before driving to you.

“sorry baby”

Pulling away from your neck he tugged on your top, you lifted your arms letting the man take off the piece off clothing. Doing the same with his t-shirt he revealed his tatted-toned chest. Your mouth watering with the thought of having taste of that cock you missed so much. So rolling over you placed your legs on his side seating yourself over his grown bulge over the material of his boxers-his sweats were the first thing that came off when you started palming him while making out.

“I want to get a take of you H.” You whispered in his ear straddling his lap as you kissed down his neck, sucking on the sensitive skin of his neck. He tasted his berries. Sweet and tropical

“Then do it baby. I want you to suck me” he pushed your straddling down lightly hinting you it was time to get to work. You licked his v-line before pulling his boxers down. His hard shaft sprinted up-slapping his lower body as his pink tip leaked with pre-cum.

Biting your lower lip, you grabbed his stiff hard cock giving it a few gentle pumps before licking a stride from bottom to top. He was thick and long and his veins popping out making your panties go damp. Failing miserably when you tried to take him completely in his mouth you gagged pulling away collecting your saliva and bobbing your head up and down his cock.

His hand griping tight enough on your hair to guide your mouth just like he wanted.

“hmm, you take me so good doll. Taking my cock like a filthy little girl you are” he moaned through gritted teeth as he bucked his hips further in your mouth making you gag. You could feel his tip hitting the deepest point it could in your throat. Your eyes leaking tears but you couldn’t care less, as you made a complete mess with your spit on his cock.

Taking him out with a pop you pumped his boner and you felt the twitch in his body which indicated he was close. Determined to make him come you kept pumping him picking up your pace only to pushed away by Harry. Pulling you up to his face level he grabbed your face with his hand and roughly placed you’re his lips on yours. His other hand sliding in your panties as he squished your cheeks before turning your face to his lips were directly hovering your ears.

“I want to fuck you so hard” his words made you whimper as a mewl left your lips. Your body crumbling in his touch and without warning he inserted his one long finger inside your opening, A loud moan escaping your mouth as you laid your head on his shoulder as he pumped his finger, now adding one more opening you a little bit.

With one ease motion he rolled you on your back, your nipples perking up with the sudden exposure to cold air which was no more pressed against a body. Harry placed himself between your legs taking in the aroma of your sex, nose directly over your clothed center. Hooking up his fingers between your pj’s he pulled down the cotton lower along your panties not wanting to waste any more minute and having a taste of you.

It has been a while since he had his mouth on that sweet pussy of yours.

“You smell like heaven darling; I wonder if it tastes even sweeter”

“Why don’t you find out yourself”

Placing his wide tongue on your core he licked from your opening to the clit. His muscular tongue collecting all the juices in one go. Hands spreading your legs wider and pinning your hips down-knowing how you always squirm whenever he goes down on you. He groans as the taste buds on his tongue sensed the sweetness of your pussy. Giving up on being gentle, he gripped your thighs throwing her over your shoulder and licking the pussy mercilessly. Suckling upon the little bundle of nerve, he pushed his tongue inside of you feeling the tightness of your walls.

The eagerness of his licks and sucks on your pussy made your clit throb and soon you were pushing on his head with the building up coil in your belly. Knowing your body like the back of his hand his mouth never left your core as his tongue flicked your clit roughly. He wanted you to cum. He wanted to boost his ego becoming aware of the fact how easily he could make you cum unlike other males you had in your life.

“shhi, I am gonna cum Har- you cut of your own self feeling your body release the orgasm. Your breath heavy and body tired from riding your high you laid there catching some air. Harry laid beside you before his body placed itself over you to finish the unfinished business you started.

“Excuse me?” You replied turning your head to face him who was still looking at the ceiling. Moonlight falling over his perfectly sculpted face as he stared into the oblivious blinking whatever was going through his mind.

“I asked you, are you a hoe?” he answered thinking you didn’t hear him before not knowing it was you giving him second chance to rephrase his question. Seemed like he had no intention of doing so.

“Wh- what makes you say that Harry?” Yes you were hurt, yes you could cry if he wasn’t there. Never ever you have been called a hoe. Been known for the most kind and generous heart yourself the word was completely foreign to you. And you just wished you could forget what it meant but no. You wanted to know what made him ask you such a bizarre question.

“I saw you on a date” He replied finally facing you. His face blank, having no sign of emotion at all.

“I-“

“How can you go on a date when you are fucking me?”

“I did not go on a date harry, It was my colleague. He wanted some help because he was going through a rough patch with his wife” You explained. Your brows scrunches in annoyance. Why did it matter to him at all who you went out with and don’t?

“Also I don’t owe you any explanation of who I go out with and who I don’t. We are just fuck friends like you said so I’d rather have you minding your business.” You said turning to face away from him so he doesn’t see the building up tears in your eyes. He had the audacity to ask you such question under your roof, if it was someone else, he would’ve been out of your house by now but you couldn’t kick him out. And no you did not go on a date with anyone after you rekindled your past relationship you had with Harry.

You were no double standard lady.

“Hey, I’m sorry” he whispered rubbing your shoulder as you hide your face further into the pillow.

“I-I just don’t you to change your feelings for me” his following up sentence made you enraged. Change feelings? He was the one who told you, it was your fault to have feelings for him and now he’s the one who don’t want you changing them either. The confusion he put you in was enough to make you mad. Of course, the feelings you had for him were still there. You were trying your best to fade it away well aware of the fact that future held no possibility of you two being together-in fact he made his point in the same himself. Then why was he scared of you losing your feelings for him?

His words were generating nothing but several questions in your mind, tangling you in the confusion.

“What exactly do you want from me Harry?” You gave up raising your voice as you sat up not caring if your chest wasn’t covered but now bare to him.

“First you go away slamming my door when I tell you I have feelings for you. Blaming me for not knowing better and letting my emotions go. And now when I am trying my best to get rid of the feelings you first, under my roof call me a hoe and then go telling me you don’t want me to change my feelings for you? What kind of fool you’re making of me Harry?!” You questioned his intentions. Shifting to sit up he opened his mouth but nothing came out.

It's like he was caught. He himself didn’t know what he wanted from this relationship of sexual desire that he had with you.

“Oh I’ll tell you, you just want to keep me around so you can have a person you can rely on mentally and sexually when you want to without committing to it. You’re scared of making promises Harry, and when you realized that one day this won’t be what I want anymore leaving you alone you questioned me.” You were spitting nothing but facts.

Yes he was scared that one day you will leave him but wasn’t coming to you just because his body desired yours, but because ever since he left you the day with anger in his eyes. His own self doubted him. Did he really not feel anything towards you? Was it just a fuck or more than it. Trying to find the answers he came to the conclusion of having some sort of feelings for you.

The thought of you happily smiling with someone else wasn’t something he could bear.

But he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready for another heartbreak. Call it his naïve side of nature, he presumed it won’t work out, just like it didn’t between him and Camille. But thinking you’re losing feeling for him brough the fear he had buried deep inside, out once again. He couldn’t lose you. Though he did not want to commit, he did not want you to fall out of your feels for him. Maybe it was his toxic nature or selfishness but he wanted you all to himself without making him yours.

You didn’t hold you tears back this time. He deserved to see your tears, as much as he deserved to know that you were hurting. Every day spent with him took a part of you. You wanted harry to see what pain he put you through, how his confused mind messed up with yours.

“I’m just scared” breaking the silence of your sobs he looked at you. The way fat tears faintly rolled down your cheeks made his heart ache, after all, he did care about you.

“Of what?”

“I’ve been hurt in the past and I just don’t want the history to repeat itself once again.”

“how would you know if you don’t give a chance?”

“I don’t have more chances to spare”

“Then I think we should end whatever this craps is” you said wiping the tears with the back of your hand cussing at his selfishness. For the sake of his heart he was willing to break yours. How pathetic.

“Why would you want this to end”

“why don’t you give us a chance”

“I am not ready for a relationship right now”

“I am willing to make this work if you are-?”

“You can’t change my mind”

“Okay then this is the last time I see you, you know the way out” You replied ending the back and forth going conversation. Saying this indeed stung your heart but you lost nothing. Yes, your love for him was deep, but his selfishness was deeper. It wasn’t your job to get him ready for something he isn’t. And in the end if you who’s hurting both ways so why not put a full stop to the ongoing story of no outcome.

This time it was your time to be selfish and choose yourself over a man who wasn’t willing to give in his feelings for his greed, so why should you sacrifice your peace and love over someone who’s going to end up taking the generosity for granted.

And for how long could you do this anyways. After all, all good things come to an end.

[itsnothingofinterest]

I’ve often said that it seems like a lot of the main pros below All Might seem to end up representing serious flaws in hero society; specifically the ones on the hero side of things. So as a fun little exercise I thought I’d go over all those main pros and what flaws they represent (should be easy, they’re usually their own personal character flaws). Maybe also give my assessment to what I think their chances of living to the end of the series are while I’m at it, since representing serious flaws in the old guard can be hazardous to your health if treated poorly.

Endeavor

A man who needs no introduction if you’re any kind of HeroAca fan. love or hate him, everyone knows the new no.1.

Funnily enough, he’s actually the main exception to the rule we mentioned before about a pros’ character flaw being the flaw they thematically represent. See, his character flaw is that he focus so much on heroics, his career in heroics, or just his own general needs over his family; to the point that he only had a family to have children he could live vicariously though, and felt no obligation to love the ones he couldn’t live through. What he represents, is actually two-fold: 1) the toxicity of the ranking system which makes heroics so competitive and encourage heroes focus on some arbitrary number, and 2) the power heroes have that let them do horrible things and get away with it. They’re connected concepts, for sure, but not exactly synonymous.

And with that said, what are his chances of survival? Well, the ranking toxicity is out of his hands, but besides that...it can be hard to tell. He has, under semi-aggressive guidance of his family, publicly taken responsibility for the things he’s done and vowed to make up for it; which helps his chances considerably. But in that same scene he also said that the only way he can atone is to keep doing what he’s always done; beat up villains and at least 1 family member. It sends a mixed message. But in general; I want to say that he’s gotten enough development that he doesn’t feel set to fail his arc now. I’d be tempted to say his chances look pretty good...were it not for all the separate reasons I think he’s likely to die anyway. Oh well, no one’s situation can be perfect.

Hawks

The controversial hero; Hawks!

I’ve summarized Hawks’ main flaw before as ‘hubris’, partially because he’s an Icarus figure so generalizing it like that feels clever, but it’s a bit more complex than that. Hawks main flaw isn’t so much pride as it is self-righteousness. Hawks represents the belief that everything is just right as it is, and the status quo must therefore be protected at all costs. A denial that the heroes he believes in have done anything wrong even after staring their mistakes in the face and spending months talking with those the heroes failed. In fact to contrast Endeavor’s line to the press; Hawks tried to excuse what he did as though it had to be done. That’s the opposite of promising.

With that said, what are his chances of survival? Well, I’d actually put him at 50/50 odds; since I see 2 endings for him, and it’s too early to tell which is more likely. See, while we’ve only got two instances of a “pattern,” Hawks seems like a guy who falls to the ground, recovers and gets back up, only to fall even further down because he never learns. So his two futures are either: A) To actually learn. Take a fall so hard that in the aftermath, he can’t convince himself he was right all along. Maybe he gets Endeavor killed, or does something to sever their relationship. Something that’d force him to self-reflect. B) To take a fall so hard it proves fatal; his mistakes catching up to him in a way that doesn’t give him a chance to self-reflect.

Best Jeanist

Sir Long Neck McImagine Obsession himself.

Best Jeanist represents the self-interest in hero society can have over justice itself. Already known for being focused on superficial image; he’s dramatic reappearance revealed just how deep that went. For when it’s revealed by a villain that a hero has committed great crimes that ended up motivating that villain’s actions; Jeanist’s immediate concern was the damage this would do to the reputation of heroes. More than what kind of person he’s been working alongside, and even more than saving lives, Jeanist’s first thought went the wellbeing of the industry he works in and how bad they would collectively look to the public; that’s what he’s most angry at Dabi for.

Chances of survival are...maybe 40-50%? There’s no real leaning one way or another frankly, so that kind of feels like it’d put him at even odds for the exact opposite reason as Hawks. Will he live? Will he die? Who can say? Leaning just a bit towards death though, because again, representing flaws in the old guard can be hazardous to your health.

Mirko

And here we have the violent one.

While I’m tempted to lump this one with Hawks, I actually think Ms.Mirko represents the heroes use of incredible violence best. See, Mirko is someone who really likes to beat people up, even once in a spin-off said Bakugou’s drive to murder was a good thing in a hero. And while she won’t even feel the need to kill like Hawks apparently did, her response to fighting the High End Nomu was something like “finally, some villains I get to just kill with no ethical issues, that makes things easy”. (Which, considering the High Ends are sentient is, um, hmm). Her love of violence borders on villainous, and she freely admits it is simple obligation that prevents her from crossing that boundary. It’s reminiscent of when Shigaraki pondered what the difference really was between heroes’ & villains’ violence. And, well, if it closes the gap in morality between heroes and villains, it’s going on this list.

Regarding her chances of survival, like Jeanist she’s not exactly defined enough to really say anything for sure or end up on any extreme end; I’ve no real reason to think she’s very likely live or die. That said; on the one hand she seems a bit more eagerly reveling in the flaw she represents, plus a blood knight getting back into the fight after sustaining heavy injuries is never a good sign. On the other hand, Horikoshi clearly likes her for reasons we won’t address here. I think I’m gonna average it out to 50%. Maybe even 60%.

Kamui Woods & Mt. Lady

You wouldn’t think some of the most plain as bread heroes would be joining the ranks of the problematic, and in fairness that’s because they mostly aren’t, but they are the ones who best represent a serious issues with heroes. They represent the way heroes will focus on flashiness & the problems they cause/exasperate in the process. Misconduct performed in the quest for fame; in so many words. Kamui showed this in chapter 1; calling a giant purse snatcher “evil incarnate” because that villain was attention grabbing and disturbing the peace. This is especially noticeable in hindsight, after we’ve see some real problems heroes could be dealing with but aren’t; like lost children on their way to becoming villains. And Mt. Lady represent it by how she operates in a big city despite her powers really working better for more rural or neighborly environments; because city work makes her more popular and rakes in the cash (that she loses paying for repairs).

That said, even if those are flaws I feel are highly associated with them, none of that is stuff they’re actively involved in; they’re naïve at best, and have already improved considerably (for minor characters at least) into better heroes. Frankly speaking, their changes of survival are probably averaging at 85% (80% for Kamui, 90% for Mt.). Like, they’re not gag characters per se; but they’re not super serious characters, they’re not connected to the MCs in any real way, and they don’t knowingly contribute to any of society’s corruptions. Really, so long as big H doesn’t really want to off someone we know for a shock, they’re probably fine.

Gran Torino

And lastly, the only non-big shot on the list, the unpleasant old geezer himself; Gran Torino!

What GT represents better than any other, I think, is the idea of passing any blame a hero may have for the actions/very existence of a villain on to the villain in question, thus allowing the heroes to better absolve themselves. You know like how with Shigaraki, he ignores any fault he has with that guys’ existence and simplifies him down to a criminals they can only beat down; and how dare he exist and thereby hurt Toshinori’s feelings. On that note, I’d say he also represents the idea that the villains are what they are, they’re too far gone, and there’s nothing the heroes can do about it. The most convenient excuse to not ever have to try to make up for what they did wrong, which you can’t even blame them too much for because they “tried their best” (even if they really didn’t).

So, what are his odds? Well frankly I wanna put him at 0% just cause he’s so old that if a villain doesn’t get him, time will. But that’s cheating. In actuality, it’s hard to say; dude’s a stubborn old man, and it really feels like it will depend on his ability to admit how wrong he handled things regarding Tomura. Now admittedly, he did admit to making the wrong choice in handling Kotaro, but he’s said nothing of Tomura so far. For now I’ll put him at 30%, but we’ll have to see if he sticks to his guns regarding current events next time he talks with All Might or whoever to really get a gasp on his chances.

And that’s about all the big ones so we’ll wrap it up. Anyway the point is it feels like a lot of heroes are gonna need to get their acts together lest they risk coming down with Not Alive Syndrome sometime in the future.

[constellaj]

I do adore your gay Lucky in Love rewrite. But I do wonder how you do a rewrite within the actual episode. Such as Dash's POV of the water park shenanigans (I'm convinced that that the water guns are filled with soda, to get the sprayie sticky) and Dash's POV of the "We're dating now!" hallway moment (maybe Kawn can ask Dash if he's okay) and begrudgingly acknowledging that "Paulina" likes Danny (the look on Dash's face and the "jerk, I mean pal")

I would say that the thing that ought to be redone in Lucky in Love is the characters motivations, for nearly all of them at points in the episode.

I do not buy that Johnny would have wondering eyes when he so devoted to Kitty, and the whole "to make the ex jealous" is a lame trope and Kitty was way to affectionate to Danny for that. I would buy that moving from the ghost zone to the real world is stressful adjustment (hiding from the Fenton ghost hunters and such) could inspire fights and they break-up. And Kitty tries to be on her own for awhile but doesn't know how to handle that, and gets re-bound feelings for the only other eligible ghost-boy around (which Shadow catches wind of which makes him furious and he tries to kill Danny before Kitty make "horrible mistake"). Kitty should have purposefully picked Paulina to possess because she's a high-profile girl who Danny is already crushing on and mean enough to "not deserve" to be in control. And when Danny finds out the truth, I think Kitty could have added the threat of physically hurting if he didn't comply (such as I like Kitty, she has zero qualms about completely taking over others girls lives and expending them, which is scary).

The A-list being a literal exclusive club with limited members is too dumb to be silly. But friend groups splintering and shifting due to one or more friends changing, or when newly-dating teens unintentionally neglect their friendships, is something I do buy. Dash could be so livid about his best-female-friend suddenly and inexplicably dating his crush that he becomes unbearable to be around even for Kwan, who might want to try to make new friends, and give Sam and Tucker a try.

As for Danny, when he found out that Paulina was being possessed by a girl ghost the whole time, it seemed that his initial concern was getting Paulina back in control of her own body, which is the correct response. But then it shifted to him feeling "suffocated" by Kitty. His discomfort should have stayed on the fact that Paulina was being dated against her will, which should make Danny feel sick with guilt.

This turned out longer than expected. You can pick and choose what to respond to if at all.

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(tl;dr for anyone who doesn’t know my lucky-in-love-but-gay rewrite:

Johnny and Kitty are taking a couples’ break, and Shadow, who feeds on romance, is whining like a spoiled dog about it. Shadow goes to find another hopeless romantic to possess to eat up love, and encounters Dash watching the romance channel. Dash gets more and more flirtatious, ghostly, and adopts a biker aesthetic as Shadow pulls at his emotions; not fully possessing him, but amplifying his feelings. Shenanigans ensue when Dash can’t decide if he has a bigger crush on Phantom or Fenton. Danny has to find a way to get Shadow out of Dash before Dash becomes reliant on him. Kitty needs to get Shadow back because, if Johnny doesn’t have Shadow, he becomes much more vulnerable.

biker dash art / full ep post)

this is all super fucking inch resting and im publishing this so the rest of the world can see but like generally speaking i think lucky in love is a shit fucking episode all around and it really can’t be saved. johnny and kittys dynamic is so petty and so inherently “Haha i hate my wife right boomers” that I cannot accept it as a way anyone would actually act and for that I don’t think the episode could ever really be “good.” I like to think of johnny and kitty as hapless mushy lovebirds. their only ‘couple fights’ are saying things like

{ID: a discord script I had with @crystalfloe​. it reads: Johnny: Well what do you want me to DO? You know you’re at fault too here- what about all those road trips huh, constant road trips with you snuggling me from behind?

Kitty, scowling: You gave me a BLACK ROSE on my birthday, you KNOW that’s my favorite color!

Johnny: Yeah, you got me the EXACT part I was wanting for my bike even though I only said the name once! You just REMEMBERED!

Danny: Woah hey let’s not fight here.... does this count as fighting?

Kitty: YOU spent the entire day I was sick making me food even though you had a BOYS NIGHT planned!

Johnny: YOU’RE just a BEAUTIFUL LOVING PERFECT PERSON! And now Shadow’s a glutton for ROMANCE!

Kitty: Well maybe if YOU weren’t so SELF SACRIFICIAL and full of UNBRIDLED CARE AND INTIMACY he WOULDN’T BE!

Johnny: How DARE you say I’m the more loving one and therefore the PROBLEM-

Kitty: I’m really starting to hate you and your CUTE FACE, Johnny!

Johnny: Yeah- well, I’m starting to get real sick of your adorable EYES, Kitty!

End ID.}

If you want to rewrite Lucky in Love, to me, you have two options: absolutely decimate canon, or work within it. Decimating canon (ie, making Dash gay) comes with also deconstructing Johnny and Kitty’s toxic relationship into something actually worth rooting for, which in turn unravels the entire episode because the premise is... it’s a bad relationship. If you want to work within canon, the episode as is is pretty much the best you can get, because no way in hell would they let Dash be gay in canon.

While your takes are interesting, it’s not the kind of media I personally would like; the whole “Kitty could have added the threat of physically hurting if he didn't comply“ doesn’t sit well with me at all, so I can’t say it’s something I would ever engage with, personally.

Also, I don’t need canon to be 100% serious all the time, personally I love the bit about the A-Listers having a formal club with like, paperwork and stuff, it’s genuinely funny and also provides a nice clean-cut metaphor for how Danny as an “unpopular” kid might view the way the popular kids work. I don’t think the writers thought that was actually how popular kids work, I think they were playing with it and expanding on how a kid might see it.

You’re right that the focus of the episode should have been on Paulina’s bodily autonomy, which I think the OG was lacking in even as is because we didn’t get anything from Paulina’s POV; she’s treated more as a prop than a person, which, yikes.

But in summary, while this is interesting, none of it is how I would rewrite lucky in love if given the chance; if canon-divergent, I’d probably tweak the biker dash concept; if canon-compliant, I’d try to make it more of a jokey episode, maybe making the conflict between Kitty and Johnny a “I have to get him a secret birthday present without him knowing” instead of a “I am going to make him jealous by cheating on him.”