#because that’s what Chuck wants for cas especially

[shallowrambles]

Cas really did fall into the arms of the first person to show him kindness after The Great Fall.

It was the only time he let himself be soft and vulnerable and genuinely enjoy scraps of affection with a mirrored soft smile and: “More of this, I hope.”

He let go of his angelic asceticism and let himself feel.

It was so cruel.

I mean it must really fuck with his head … how basking in affection leads to death or punishment … in one way or another.

….

[the-avengers-not-the-nazis]

Strange human emotions

Summary: Castiel has been experiencing some rather strange emotions, especially ones that revolve around you.

Word count: 1.7k

A/n: No one really writes about Cas, and it’s a shame because him, Sam and Dean are my absolute favorite. But I hope you enjoy ;)

༺═────────────═༻

He could feel it coming up again, that same burning feeling in his chest that keeps him up deep into the night. Not that he can sleep to begin with, but still the feeling invaded his every thought as he waited for you and the brothers to wake up. 

Cas didn’t know how to explain it, these strange human emotions that he had learned over the years, he didn’t understand them. He knew the ones that you and the boys had taught him, how it helped him learn to express how he felt to others. And he was truly grateful for it. 

But, the ones that he was never taught always worried him. Like when he could feel when someone is staring at him, even though nobody is in the room with him. Or even worse when you are near, or when you touch his shoulder when you walk past him, or how about when you speak to him so beautifully that he feels his stomach churning into a weird fluttery feeling. 

There must be something wrong, Cas would conclude, pacing the bunker’s library in the dead of night. Maybe you had been taken over by a shapeshifter and this was the universes way of warning him. 

Yeah, that had to be it, but how would he tell Sam and Dean that? For Chucks sake you are one of their closest friends, how could he tell them that they would need to kill you?

No. No, he couldn’t kill you. He just needs to figure it out a bit more by morning, he couldn’t just go on a killing spree. It wouldn’t be right. 

But if you were in danger or you are the danger then he would need to speak to the brothers about this. But, how?

Cas sat across from you and Dean, Sam to his right of the booth as he stared out the fogged window. The falling snow momentarily capturing his attention, the way each flake was built uniquely different from the other. 

It amazed him how something so beautiful could end up in a world like this. 

“Hey, Happy meal.” Dean suddenly spoke up, dragging Cas away from the window. “You gonna focus, or are we gonna have to tell you while we fight the sons of a bitches?”

“I’m focused.” Cas told the older man, his hands coming to rest in his lap. 

“Mhm, yeah sure.” 

Sam cleared his throat, turning his computer to face the others as he began to explain the current case to them. “So, Sophia Cocklen had reported her husband missing, nearly a month ago. And as of three days ago both her brother and eldest son have disappeared as well.”

“Has to have something to do with the men,” you spoke up, dipping a French fry in your ketchup before popping it in your mouth. “Because Sophia’s sister, mother and two daughters hadn’t been touched at all over the past month.”

Sam nodded, clicking on another tab as some police reports popped on screen. “That’s what I thought as well, but the thing is that none of them have any bad records on there name. And…”

Sams voice seemed to drift off, running farther and farther from his ears as the same burning feeling began to arise from his chest. He glanced at you for a quick second, the way you looked at your work and took it seriously. The way your eyes seemed to have a small sparkle in them when you spoke. 

And especially the way your hair slightly fell in front of your eyes, hiding that sparkle that made his stomach erupt. It made him want to reach over the table and push it out of your way, just so he could catch another glimpse of…

You pushed your hair out of your face, halting Cas’s thoughts completely. Why was he thinking that? What were you and the boys talking about? Why did his body’s vessel feel so warm and sweaty? Was it getting hotter? What if you had turned evil? What if this was your way to slowly kill him off?

Him. Castiel, an angel of the Lord. Struck down by a woman that was more than likely possessed by a monster. 

“Cas?” You questioned, facing the angelic being who seemed to be almost in a trance. “You alright? You look like your sweaty.”

Cas pulled at the collar of his trench coat, the feeling of sweat sliding down his neck. Boy, did he hate how the human body can physically act when you don’t need it to. 

“Yes,” He told you rubbing his hands against his pants legs. “Yes I’m fine it’s just a little warm in here is all.”

“Really?” Dean asked, taking a quick sip from his lukewarm coffee. “It’s pretty cold in here to me, what about you Sam? Y/n?”

“Dean.” 

“I’m just saying, you gotta focus in, Cas. You’ve been acting real edgy for the last couple of weeks.”

“I’m fine,” Cas told him, trying not to drag the situation down the rabbit hole. “It’s probably just… allergies.” 

The boys and you shred a quick look with one another, knowing well enough that angels don’t have allergies. “Cassie?” You questioned leaning forward onto the table. “You don’t get allergies.”

Cas felt his face warm up, “That was just the first thing that came to mind.” He told you, his fingers fiddling with one another. “That’s what you all do.”

Dean smacked his lips, letting out a quick ok before continuing with his conversation. “As I was saying we need to go and search every place that these men where last seen at. And normally I would say go by ourselves to save them, but I’m not so sure what we are up against just yet. So Sam and I will head down to the bar the brother was last seen and Cas, you and Y/n can go and search the junkyard.”

Everyone agreed to Deans order, quickly finishing up their lunch before they need to head back out. Well almost everyone agreed. Cas sat there in his seat, pondering if he should pull Dean or Sam aside and ask if these feelings he is getting about you is bad or good. Because he does not want to harm others but at the same time he didn’t want to hurt you either. 

He wanted to beat his head against the table, the thoughts that raced through his mind aggravated him. But what could he do about it? Wait… you and him were going to the junkyard to search for clues of the missing family members, he himself could interrogate you there. But, how?

༺═────────────═༻

At the junkyard, you and Cas kept you voices low, barley speaking a word to one another as you inspected the place. Your flashlight shined about the place, scoping out any and all items that could appear useful for the case. 

“So, Sam said that the dad and son used to work here. Almost like a father-son business, you know?” You told him, shining the light in the angels direction, mindful not to blind him in the eye. 

He nodded, unable to stop the fluttery filling the further he walked with you. It was killing him, he wanted to ask you what you were doing, because he knew for a fact it was neither of the boys. But, at the same time he didn’t know how to bring it up. 

On one hand he could slowly bring up the topic, have a simple conversation before he would ask you. Though, on the other hand, he could just flat out ask you if you were trying to kill him. Because, that’s what it surely felt like. That you were killing him slowly and purposefully.

Cas came to a quick decision, he would hold a conversation with you then ask you. Simple as that, no harm no foul. 

“Cassie?” You asked, that soft voice of yours causing his chest to burn and his stomach to twist into knots. What the hell were you doing to him? “Are you alright-“

“Are you trying to kill me?”

You were shocked by his sudden question, his straightforward tone and seriousness catching you off guard completely. “… No?”

“It sure doesn’t seem that way.” He continued to accuse, folding his arms over his chest like he’d seen Dean do plenty of times before. “Would you care tell why you are trying to kill me?”

“But, I’m not?” You told him, voice uncertain and slightly laced with worthy. “Why would you think that?”

Cas glanced around the junkyard, almost as if the answer was somewhere written in the piles upon piles of junk. “My chest has been burning every time you come close to me, or how about when my stomach make me feel like my vessel is going to induce vomiting. When I know for a fact that I don’t eat anything to make it do so.”

You stood silently, letting the words sink deep into your skin. His chest burned? His stomach felt like he was going to throw up? Why the hell would he have thought that you were trying to kill him? It honestly just sounded like his vessel was sick, or maybe he—

You cut your thoughts short, and it suddenly clicked in your mind. A sly smile gracing your lips as you walked towards the angel. “Oh, Cassie~” You sang out, free hand coming to play with the sleeve of his trench coat. “Do you have a crush on me?”

Cas furrowed his brows, eyes dancing across your face as you came closer. “…No? At least I don’t think so.”

A chuckle left your lips, standing up on your tip toes you gave the angel a quick kiss on his check. Watching as a light blush crept upon his cheeks. “I like you too, Cassie.” You turned back to the junkyard, flashing your light at an empty bathtub and broken mattress, leaving the poor angel stuck in his spot. 

Cas lifted a hand to where you had kissed him, the ghost of your lips making his heart stutter in his chest. Damn you, he thought to himself. Damn you and these strange human emotions. 

[scoobydoodean]

hot take ig but… dean wanting to contain jack was not cruel or even a bad idea…

first, it was not just dean’s idea. sam agreed, and cas had basically the same idea, just using the cage instead. but for some reason everybody ignores this!! second, containing dangerous people is what they always do. sam and cas have done so to dean. the s5 finale was all about locking up a dangerous powerful being. and there are other examples! third, jack was the most powerful being in the universe and had no soul meaning no ability to discern right from wrong. he was killing people! and they’ve always seen soulless people as dangerous. dean was willing to let sam die via the process of returning his soul bc he saw that soulless sam was not sam. and sam agreed!

like. yes dean was not handling the situation well, let alone gently, so i understand why sam and cas were frustrated. but his mother had just been killed (and ftr i do think cas was being kind of insensitive about it), and jack was still killing other people. dean’s allowed to be angry. he was being outwardly meaner, but sam was agreeing with him (he said a part of him wanted jack dead!) up until the point that dean actually agreed to kill jack for chuck.

idk i just feel like people really exaggerate dean’s actions in this situation especially in comparison to what sam and cas were saying and/or doing too. so i’m just wondering what you think of all of this? do you think dean was “right” or was he overreacting? or do you think the audience is too hard on dean (as always :/) about this? could this be another version of samdela effect? cause i feel like people misremember what the others were saying/doing in order to put more on dean…

also omg i just realized how long this became, so so sorry for the long rant!! if you can respond, thank you!

*opens my coat* would you care for some memes?

I will take your hot take and flambé it. When it comes to this subject, I don't feel inclined to be patient with fandom or carefully lay anything out piece by piece. I'm sick and tired of hearing about what a betrayal it was to put Jack in the box and how mean and evil and abusive it was blah blah blah cry me a river. I was there watching when that episode aired and saw how stupid everyone was about that episode in real time and it was annoying then and it continues to be annoying that almost no one seems to bother putting a single granule of thought into this episode or what Sam and Dean were thinking or what the stakes actually were. And yeah—it was not just Dean who did that despite the samdela effect hard at work causing people to insist Dean somehow forced Sam to go along with him when that categorically did not happen.

People act like Jack was just standing there shitting rainbows and unicorns out of his ass and Dean turned around and strangled him to death for it. What happened was Soulless Jack killed Sam and Dean's mom and then went off and turned someone into a pillar of salt for being an atheist and filled someone else's body with worms to punish them for not wanting to be turned into an angel. Then he showed up at the bunker trying to make nice in the most hauntingly emotionless way possible—calling killing Mary an accident and then in his next breath saying he snapped and killed her because she threatened to reveal that the manner in which he killed Nick was scary and disturbed. In other words—he made it very clear to Mary's sons that murdering her was not actually a fucking accident at all even while he was calling it one.

Jack: I know -- I know things have been bad. A-And, if it helps, I regret it. The accident. Sam: The -- The accident? Jack: What happened to Mary. She kept talking about my soul, t-that I didn't have a soul, and she kept pushing. Dean: Oh, so she made you do it. Jack: No, it -- it was me, but I didn't want this no-soul thing to become an issue between us. I guess I snapped. Before I knew it, it was all over. Dean: "It" being the accident.

So Sam and Dean tricked him (the most powerful being in all creation) into getting in a box and he sat in there for 10 minutes. Oh no. How horrible.

A lot of the stupid fandom response to this is rooted in the babyfication of Jack that ran rampant within fandom at the time and continues in many circles. I happen to like Jack, and when I say that, I mean that I actually like him, and not the fanon adultbabydestiellovechild the fandom invented who has the emotional and mental capacity of a two year old and can't understand the difference between right and wrong. The real Jack did understand, and the real Jack would be (and was when he returned) horrified by what soulless Jack did (and for more than just how it would impact him). Jack was always an emotional person who struggled to control great power, but he had a strong moral compass and he loved people. That Jack would never have subjected someone to the twisted biblical punishments soulless Jack did for the crime of not believing in god or in him???? That Jack would have thrown Dumah into a wall in a rage for the mere suggestion he kill people over their beliefs and said, "You're hurting people". That Jack also would have wanted Sam and Dean to lock him up to protect others.

Some of the fandom problem with this also has to do the soulless lore as a whole and the constant usage of Donatello as the "soulless people can manage" poster child. Which ignores not only soulless Jack's actual behavior and how deeply dangerous his powers make him, but... pretty much every other soulless person we ever saw in the series, from soulless Sam, to numerous victims of Amara who turned into raging murderers in season 11 after she ate their souls. Hell though—the same people who insist soulless Jack was some poor little baby who just needed gentle parenting probably also think there was nothing wrong with soulless Sam despite the fact that he watched his brother be assaulted multiple times and seemed to actively enjoy it. Just normal Sam things, right? Donatello is the exceptional soulless person—not the rule—and it's because it isn't in his best interest to make trouble.

The idea that soulless Jack could be molded was suggested by Cas, but he also (as you pointed out) ended up inquiring about putting Jack in The Cage, instead of the Ma'lak box (and after the Ma'lak box was destroyed, so it wasn't an option anymore).

Lbr—the misogyny also jumped out in this string of episodes. Countless posts one after the other about how stupid Mary was and how it was all her fault and Jack did nothing wrong. How dare she make Jack angry. God forbid. What a stupid, frail, illogical woman. She deserved to die long before that anyway because she was a terrible mother, right? I mean it was obvious this sort of nonsense would come from the fandom in advance, given how many people had meltdowns over Dean shooting Jack in the back (something that didn't hurt Jack in the least) to get him to stop strangling a black store clerk to death in 13.23. As always, the imagined frail little fee fees of the white adult baby that fans invented must supersede other people's lives. Jack should be allowed to throw whatever tantrums he wants and kill anyone he wants during them and in response, Dean should shush him and start singing lullabies and carry him to a rocking chair to nurse.

[narrynukezankielover]

This scene in Fan Fiction is interesting because it’s when Dean finds out that people ship Cas and him together and they have a ship name for it. He’s not mad or pissed off he’s more curious about it. Even before he found out the two girls are girlfriends in real life he wasn’t mad or pissed off about Destiel. It’s more like he didn’t realize that all those moments between Cas and him were written in the Supernatural books (up to the end of season 5 anyways).

This shows that the writers and actors know about Destiel and Destiel fan fiction but it also shows that Dean is fine with it and so is Jensen (Jensen has said quite a few times especially this year that he is fine with Destiel).

This is hilarious. Sam is trying to figure out what Cas and Deans ship name should be and he knows that Dean is getting flustered by it. Dean tells Sam to shut up and Sam laughs. It’s the little brother making fun of the older brother for having a boyfriend kind of thing. I would have loved to have seen Cas in this ep. It would’ve been hilarious to watch Dean and Sam trying to explain shipping to Cas and explain ship names to Cas.

This scene is great Dean looks directly at the girl playing Cas and says to put as much text into that subtext. Again showing that he’s fine with Destiel. I have more thoughts on this ep but I’m going to keep them to myself because I think I’ll piss some people off if I say them.

This scene in Girls, Girls, Girls is kind of annoying. I don’t like Hannah because she can’t take a hint. Cas has told her soooo many times that he only likes her as a friend, she’s the one that told Cas not to lose it over one man, she heard the Metatron saying that Cas did everything for Dean and she knew that at the beginning of the season that Cas was sick yet he did everything he could to help Dean become human again. Here she tries to say that all her feelings for Cas weren’t actually her feelings that they were coming from the human she was possessing which I think she lied about. I think she didn’t want to be on earth anymore and it stead of embarrassing herself she came up with this excuse because when Cas was possessing Jimmy the feelings Cas has for Dean weren’t Jimmys feelings considering I don’t think Jimmy even likes Dean.

I’m just adding this in from Hibbing 911 because it’s another gay scene well it was 2 scenes. The cop guy was obviously flirting with Dean when he said it was cute for Dean to try and find a case there but then Dean knew the best way to get information out of the cop was to flirt so that’s what he did by sucking up to the cop but here the cop had just walked past Dean and Dean clearly looks at the guys ass.

I think this ep is called The Things We Left Behind. This scene makes me extremely happy. Cas told Claire that Jimmy is dead and in heaven because an arch angel killed him on a sub atomic level but he was brought back and that that body was specifically made for him. I absolutely love that Cas has his own body now. He’s not possessing Jimmy anymore. That that brain is his brain all his feelings are his feelings. I assumed after Cas was blown up in season 5 ep 1 (Chuck told Dean that Cas was blown up but they didn’t show it which is why I’m assuming they go with when Cas was blown up at the end of season 5) that Jimmy was dead but to hear Cas say it and to say that that body was made for him just made me extremely happy.

Another scene where Sam is there yet Cas is just talking to Dean. Cas called Dean and Sam to come help him yet he was looking directly at Dean when Cas said he needed Deans help. Then Sam came up with a plan for Dean and him to go to the group home to find Claire but Dean obviously wanted some alone time with Cas because he gave Sam the keys and told him Cas and him would stay there. Sounds like Dean wanted an unofficial date with Cas.

This is beyond cute. Cas gave Dean a compliment and Dean got flustered. Dean obviously wanted this to be his alone time with Cas because up until Cas asked Dean how he was they were talking about random stuff and flirting. I also love that they cant hide how sick they are from each other. At the end of season 9 when Cas told Dean he was fine Dean knew he was lying and then Cas told him the truth the same thing happens here. Cas asks Dean how he’s doing and Dean says he’s great and Cas said no you’re not. Cas knew Dean was lying and Dean asked him if he turns into a demon again for Cas to kill him which Dean knows Cas can’t kill him considering Cas couldn’t kill Dean when he was being mind controlled to kill Dean there’s no way in hell he’d be able to do it when he’s himself.

It looks like Sam was expecting Dean to tell Cas to let go of the guy but instead Dean is impressed and I think a little turned on.

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2024 | Day 28: Coffee Shop AU

The barista and the bookshop | @abi-cosmos Rating: Explicit Word Count: 55,794 Main Tags/Warnings: Barista Dean Winchester, Librarian/Bookshop owner Castiel, Friends to lovers, Mutual pining, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Gay Castiel, Slow burn, Angst with a happy ending, Depression, Costume parties and masquerades, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Sharing a bed, Coffeeshop AU Summary: In a sleepy mountain town, stitched together with fairy lights, Dean Winchester has been running Squirrel and Moose Coffeehouse since his Dad died. Next door, anchored by family obligation, librarian Castiel has been tasked with taking over Chuck’s Bookshop. Wanting a distraction after his brother leaves town, Dean offers to help Castiel fix it up. It’s a job, something to get his hands on, it doesn’t matter that the librarian is hot and kinda weird. Castiel doesn’t understand why Dean is helping him, but he’s happy that he is, and their friendship grows until he can’t deny what’s right in front of him. But when their time together is cut short, both face a decision they aren't ready for. In a sleepy mountain town, stitched together with fairy lights, what's it gonna be? Peace or freedom?

Are You Writing From The Heart? | @luckshiptoshore Rating: Explicit Word Count: 86,788 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Writer Castiel (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, comedian dean, Season/Series 04, Masturbation, Alcohol, Writer Dean Winchester, Slow Burn, Alternate Universe - Writing & Publishing, Fanfiction Writer Dean Winchester, dean/crowley relationship in the past of the fic, cas/meg and cas/hannah relationships in the past of the fic, Internalized Homophobia, Hand Jobs Summary: Castiel Novak's a writer who's waiting for his big break. His last book didn't sell, so now he's doing work for hire, ghostwriting the next in a series of ridiculous horror novels about two hot brothers who hunt monsters together. It’s pretty popular, and the fans are desperate for the next instalment — which is a problem, because the guy who usually writes them just up and vanished a couple of months ago. He left behind a signed contract and the outline for the next two stories, so the publisher’s been looking for someone else who could pick up where Chuck left off. And that's Cas. So he heads to a cafe to get the words out ... and that's where he meets Dean, a smartass wannabe comedian who's working on his stand-up set. Cas is straight, obviously, but there's something about this guy that he's fascinated with. The two of them strike up a friendship ... and soon the world Cas is writing and the world he's living in begin to get mixed up. Sometimes you're writing what you know without even realizing it ...

Finding You In Every Sign | @casblackfeathers Rating: Explicit Word Count: 99,407 Main Tags/Warnings: Deaf!castiel, mutual pining, angst with a happy ending, flower shop au, coffee shop au, strangers to lovers, bottom!dean, bottom!castiel, sweet!dean, hurt!dean, hurt and comfort Summary: Castiel was content with the constant flow of his life. He had his brother Gabriel, had his coffee shop and the weekly book club meetings as well as a small but solid group of friends. If there was one thing his hateful family had taught him, it was how fast things could go wrong if he let too many variables shape his life. So when he met Dean, a gradual regular at his shop, Castiel knew he was trouble, because Dean was like a comet, beautiful but beyond reach. Ever since his father died, there wasn’t a single constant in Dean’s life. Moving on, never stopping, never getting attached to one thing for too long had made him a drifter for the past seven years. Being the only hearing person in his family hadn’t been easy with a father like John Winchester, so as soon as Dean saw an escape, he took it. Settling down to open his flower shop was anything but easy, especially when he met the elusive deaf owner of the coffee shop next door. The more he discovered about Cas, the louder the voice in the back of his head whispered that maybe Castiel was the person finally worth staying for. And maybe, just maybe, Dean was willing to listen now.

[unhinged-jackles]

i wish cas was able to remember everything naomi and heaven stole from him. i feel like i've said it before, but i think an absolutely insane batshit reveal they could have done was cas remembering every time he rebelled against heaven, was for all the humans he loved throughout history. a little girl he'd pick flowers for, a man who's smile he couldn't help but notice was the only one he noticed. just cas loving humanity and humans all throughout existence and every single time heaven stole them from him, reset him.

this would have been a beautiful storyline for cas in season 15, especially building up to the confession. too much heart was always castiel's problem and he loves, and he loves, and loves, and dean is the one thing loves so much that he wants, which made all the difference. because no matter what was written by chuck or stolen by naomi, castiel could not be controlled when it came to dean winchester because the second he laid a hand on the righteous man in hell castiel was lost to heaven; the very touch of dean freed cas from them.

tldr; we deserved to see cas remember the memories that were mind wiped and realize that everything he has ever done, the good and the bad, he has done for love.

[thecicadagraveyard]

Happy birthday to the freak who changed the trajectory of my life and showed me what true, uninhibited, absolutely raw love is. Thanks Cas! ❤

But on a more serious note, I'd like to say that Castiel as a character actually does mean a lot to me. I discovered Supernatural in the height of learning to cope with my religious trauma and learning to accept myself. Seeing the process of being an angel and literally defying God (Or, Chuck, in this case.), who was REAL in that context, genuinely did help me come to terms with the fact that I did not have to be adamant about my, let's be honest, completely feigned "belief" in God. I could relax and I didn't have to lie and tell people how often I prayed or how much faith I had. The show (and especially Castiel's character) really helped me through a rough time in my life, and I think that goes for a lot of people who watch the show. A lot of folks like to say that spn is cringe and bad (which are, of course, accurate statements at times) but it does hold a lot of meaning to a ton of people. I think that's partially because of how long it went, and partially because of the characters' emotional openness (at times, ofc.). It's that bond of "us against the world" but in this case, it's us against the world and heaven and hell and even God HIMSELF, and STILL, above all, through all of that power, love was what saved us. And yeah, maybe that's a little sappy and I'm a little high, but I still feel like the point stands. In the end, the show was about love and the way your bonds tie you together and push you through, literally, hell and back.

I'm rambling, but I wanted to post something for Cas and Lazarus Rising's 16th birthday ❤ I may not have been into spn at the time yet, but I can't even count how many times I've watched that episode or found comfort in Castiel as a character. Happy bday to my fav ep and character ever in the world

[eggybug]

we're at the end of season 5 and i have thoughts:

1. i must have been damn blind the first time i watched supernatural because destiel was screaming in my face the whole time this season

2. i feel kinda bad for adam if im being honest, he didn't deserve what happened to him

3. chuck being chuck being chuck being god is SO annoying

4. i love gabriel with everything in me and thats the whole thought

5. BOBBY!!!!!

6. CROWLEY!!!!

7. the first appearance of "moose" and its thrilling!

8. JODY MILLS my favorite hunter

9. rip jo and ellen you will be missed

10. does anyone else think its fucked up they can never have two women hunter mains at the same time until like season 10

11. castiel is literally so babygirl but in the opposite way as dean and i love them both so much

12. speaking of cas, his journey through faith in god and in dean is so insane. i could write sonnets about it.

13. im so glad this is the last season that sam drunks blood in (i think)

14. let's talk about death (this will be a post all on its own dw)

15. dean is always so worried about cas, especially post losing his angel mojo and its killing me

16. these two self-sacrificing sons of bitches are the WORST

17. i think we need to talk more about the fact that dean views his time in hell like a full on soldier

18. i have SO many thoughts about the boys' time in heaven and none of them are coherent

19. bobby is the best dad in the world and it sucks that he has to keep watching those dumbass boys keep trying to kill themselves

20. i don't think cas and sam ever fully like each other and i do love that

21. i can't wait for the episode from baby's perspective

22. those boys wouldn't know subtle if it knocked them in the head

23. before long i will be making more insane comparisons between cain and abel and i want to hear nothing of it

24. can't have SHIT in detroit

25. i do feel bad for sam at the end of the day

26. it is a temper tantrum lucifer, dude you can't deny it anymore

i think that's it for now

[marchtothefuckingsea]

Nerve Pains - Lucifer

My Masterlist.

Word count: 2.2k Warnings:  Fibromyalgia flare-up. Symptoms can vary from person to person, this was just a little comfort fic for myself since i’ve been feeling really shitty lately lol

Summary:  Reader suffers from a bad Fibromyalgia flare-up. Usually, Castiel is there to help relieve their pain, but this time there's only one other angel in the bunker.

I sat at the library table in the bunker, letting out a strained sigh while flexing my hands and straightening my back. It did little, if anything, to ease the constant pain I had. My back and shoulders ached horribly, no matter what I did or what I took. Especially on days when it decided to flare up.

I shifted in my seat as a particularly sharp pain ran into my shoulder, holding back a groan.

I hated being forced to stay back on hunts like this. Sam and Dean knew that, but they also knew me well enough by now that I wouldn't admit it. They could tell when I was experiencing a flare up, and they usually told me that they needed someone to do research and report back to them while they went on the scene. I knew they were just making excuses, but it made me feel a little less guilty about it and I appreciated them for it.

Oftentimes though, it was frustrating more than anything else. Especially simple cases like the salt and burn they were on right now. They didn't need someone to 'stay back and do research' on something as common as a ghost, and I just had to admit defeat. Even they couldn't come up with an excuse this time.

With Sam and Dean gone, and Chuck off doing only Chuck knows what, Lucifer was the only other one in the bunker, but he was off sulking in another part of the bunker. No one had heard from Cas for over a week now, so we figured he was wrapped up in something heaven related; which was unfortunate for me because he was usually around to help relieve the pain on especially bad days like this.

Nobody knew why, not even Cas, but my chronic pain was something he couldn't heal. He could relieve the pain almost completely for an hour, sometimes several if it wasn't really bad, but never get rid of it completely. It even seemed sometimes that it was working less and less every time.

Even with a literal angel helping me, it was still just something I had to deal with.

All I wanted to do was curl up in my bed under a heated blanket and not come out until it was all over. This was one of my worst flare ups in months. Since Sam and Dean had left a day ago, I had already tried praying to Castiel several times. I usually didn't want to bother him, but I was desperate.

I slumped over the table with my head on my tingling arms. My entire body tensed up as another pain ran through me. I eyed the bottle of painkillers next to the lamp, but I knew I had probably already taken way more than I should have. Instead, I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing.

I managed to relax until I heard undisguised footsteps enter the library. I raised my head to glare at the archangel in the doorway. "What do you want?"

"Just passing through, no need to be so hostile." He made a face and held his hands up in defense. He beelined for a certain shelf, and so I allowed myself to let my guard down partially. I returned my eyes back to the pages of the book I was reading, but had a hard time focusing on anything other than the pain.

The thought of asking Lucifer to heal me flitted into my mind but I immediately dismissed it. Maybe he would or maybe he wouldn't, but my pride wouldn't allow me that, even on my worst day.

I glanced up at him when he sat across from me, arching a brow. "What?"

"What?" Lucifer responded defensively. He flipped the book open and crossed his legs. I pinched the bridge of my nose briefly before returning back to my book. My leg bounced to distract me from the numb yet burning sensation that intensified in my feet and calves. I had found that keeping my limbs moving helped either distract me from the pain, or maybe it kept the blood flowing through them. I didn't know.

I sighed after I finished a chapter, releasing some tension from my muscles I didn't even know I had. I flexed my hand again before turning the page, watching Lucifer do the same out of the corner of my eye. Glancing at him curiously, I wondered why he seemed to want to just be in the room with someone else. Usually, it was him that left whenever one of the Winchesters or Chuck came into the room. On the other hand, now that I thought about it, that never seemed to apply to me. But he had never actively seeked my presence before. I averted my gaze back to the book.

Now that I knew he wasn't here just to cause trouble, I finally let myself relax. Unclenching my jaw, I took a deep breath that turned into a hiss when a feeling akin to being stabbed burned through my arm. I jerked, instinctively pulling my arm to my chest and cradling it. I tried to focus on my breathing as the after effects still burned through my nerves.

"What's wrong?" Lucifer asked, looking up from his book. I had completely forgotten about the angel's presence.

"Nothing." I replied through gritted teeth. I let go of my arm and tried my best to shake it off, but my hand still gripped the edge of my sleeve so hard that I could feel my fingernails through the fabric.

He straightened up in his chair, suddenly not so interested in his book anymore; which I realized was written in Enochian. Where did he even find that?

"You've been clenching and unclenching your hands for the past half hour." He began to count on his fingers.

"Bouncing your legs, flinching randomly, now this." He swept his hand towards me, making me self-consciously loosen my grip on my sleeve. "I could sense your misery as soon as I entered the room."

"I'm sure you've noticed me doing that before." I shrugged it off but frowned. I felt exposed. I didn't like feeling like that ever, let alone to the devil.

"Not constantly." He argued. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing." I growled. "Why do you care so much anyway?"

"I don't. I'm just tired of this whole," He made a disgusted face. "Aura around you. It's a real downer, y'know?"

"Then leave." I muttered. He pursed his lips, staring at me silently before he picked his book back up. I let out a sigh of relief and reached for mine. I stopped dead in my tracks when another sharp pain was triggered by the movement, this one even worse than the last. I uttered a low groan, practically panting as it traveled all the way from my fingertips to my shoulder. Everything seemed to ramp it up a notch at that moment.

"Tell me what's wrong." Lucifer demanded.

"It's nothing you can fix." I grunted, beginning to squeeze and massage my forearm with my other hand. It only helped a little.

"Let me." He reached for my arm and before I could pull away, his cool hands began to massage my arm. Against my will, my whole body almost instantly relaxed. Cold usually made the pain worse, but I had a feeling he was using his grace as well. For the first time ever, my pain was entirely gone .

When he released my arm, I was greeted back with open arms by the deep ache in my back and shoulders, a migraine, and the painfully familiar tingling sensation in my limbs. My body immediately tensed up again. I saw something flicker across his face when I cringed.

"Just a taste of what I can do. Though…" He trailed off, frowning. "You're right. I can't heal it."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Cas already tried that."

"What is wrong with you?" His question wasn't meant to sound accusing; it was genuine.

"Fibromyalgia." I answered, massaging my own arm. He leaned across the table now, crossing his arms. He hummed in acknowledgement, looking down at the table and drumming his fingers.

His eyes darted back up to me when I unconsciously clenched my fist at another jab.

"May I?" He asked. I nodded wordlessly, holding my hand out to him. Instead, he stood from his chair and rounded the table to sit in a chair beside me. I unconsciously leaned away from him and his closeness. He placed his palm on my forehead and immediately the pain lessened.

"Thank you."

He hummed before asking, "How long does this usually last?"

I frowned and looked away. "A while." I didn't want to tell him that it only lasted a few hours at most, and that was on much better days. On days as painful as today it might last a couple of hours, if I was lucky.

"You've got to tell me so I know how long before we have to do this again."

"Don't worry about it." I mumbled. "The pills will kick in by the time this wears off."

He snatched the bottle before I could get to it. "I think you've had enough of those."

"Give it back."

"They're obviously not working. You're going to overdose."

"What do you care?"

"I helped you, didn't I?"

"So?"

"So? I care ." He pursed his lips after that, crossing his arms in front of his chest defensively and looking away.

"...A couple hours." I said in defeat. He glanced back at me. "On a good day it would probably last four, maybe five. On a bad day it would last a couple, if I'm lucky."

"And today's a bad day." It wasn't a question.

I shook my head. "Yes- No..I don't know. It's the worst I've had in a long time, if ever." I admitted.

"You're still bouncing your leg." He pointed out.

"It still kind of hurts."

Before I could react, he pressed his palm to my forehead again. This time, he kept it there until I began to pull away in confusion. "Wait."

Suddenly, the pain was completely gone again. When he pulled his hand away after several moments, his piercing eyes studied my face. I immediately felt it return, but it wasn't nearly as bad as before he had helped at all.

"As long as I'm touching you…" He muttered.

"Yeah, it was gone completely." I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding in. "I think I'm going to try and get some sleep before this wears off."

Lucifer nodded, standing up and mirroring my actions. I stumbled a little bit, the room spinning. Probably from all the painkillers I had taken. "I'll check back in a couple hours."

"I'll come find you if I need to."

He frowned. "I promise?" I offered.

"Don't wait too long." He turned away. He sat back at the table in the same position as before, with his legs crossed and his thumb and index finger holding the book open. I gave him a final glance before I left the room and ventured down the hallway to my bedroom.

I was lucky I had another bottle of painkillers in my bedside drawer, and I downed a couple of them before collapsing onto the bed. I didn't plan on asking him for help again, no matter how bad it got. I had toughed it out before, and I could do it again.

Curling up under my heated blanket, I let out a small sigh of relief. What little bit of discomfort that remained was just about bearable.

-

I was woken up by a sharp pain between my shoulder blades and the middle of my back. I curled up on my side with a low whine. Even the light pressure of my sheets began to feel painful against my skin, and I started to kick them off. Every nerve ending in my body was nearly on fire.

"Lucifer." I groaned in a daze. I hoped it resembled a prayer enough for him to hear. My breath hitched in my throat at another agonizing jab. "Luci-"

I felt a cool hand on my forehead and the pain immediately stopped. I forced my eyes open and the archangel was sitting on the edge of my bed with unmasked concern on his face. "It hasn't even been two hours."

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"That's not what I meant." He said. "You shouldn't be alone."

"'m fine." Lucifer pulled his hand away. Even though he had used his grace to relieve my pain, without his constant touch it immediately came back, though it wasn't nearly as bad. He quickly made contact again, this time holding my hand gently in both of his, as if I would break.

"I think this is the worst it's ever been."

I felt the bed dip next to me, and then I felt him up against my side. I opened my eyes. "What are you-"

"You know what happens if I let go." He muttered. I did.

I leaned against him with a sigh. When I began to drift off, I felt Lucifer drape his arm across my middle.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to." I told him tiredly.

"I want to."

[ananke-xiii]

There's a line from s11e20 "Don't call me Shurley" that got stuck into my little nogging and it's when Chuck tells Metatron "You were just the closest angel to the door when I walked into the room".

Now assuming that Chuck is a lying liar who lies I still like this line because it says way more about Chuck than about Metatron. Then Chuck goes on and delivers his cheap shot: "There's nothing special about you, Metatron. Not then… not now".

(Little aside: AND THEN Amara comes in a few episodes later and calls Metatron "The secretary"?! I mean, how can people not love her? Yes, she might have eaten a few souls so what? Sue her! He brother has eliminated WORLDS because Dean wouldn't bend the knee to him, who's the crazy sibling, huh? *insert a meta about Dean only willing to bend the knee to Cas in Purgatory and all the entendres intended*).

Anyway, for all his pettiness and shrewdness (Metatron is a great villain and I will die on this hill), Metatron replies with surprising grace:

"And I don't care if I was just the angel nearest the door. You picked me. Your light shined on me – Me! Oh, and the warmth. But then you left me. You left all of us."

My little fragile heart trembled a little to these words because... well, it's like the OG trauma, isn't it? To be chosen by your parents, to be loved unconditionally, to be somebody's favorite person... Oh, the warmth.

And so it hit me, I finally saw why I love SPN's angels so much. They are ALL (Cas included) a bunch of children screaming and kicking their feet because they want to be loved, thinking that if they follow their orders, if they fulfill their duties they will be loved.

They are all Lucifer minus the action and the mark.

These are Chuck's words to soothe Lucifer in "We Happy Few": I did. I was supposed to love all creation equally. I wasn’t supposed to have favorites. But you… You were mine. I gave you the Mark because I loved you the most, because I thought you were strong enough to bear it. And when I saw that I was wrong… When I watched my choice devour my most cherished son, I hated myself, and so I punished you. And I am so sorry."

Yes, Chuck is a lying liar who lies. Maybe he chose Lucifer because he was the one closest to the door. Who knows? Chuck doesn't care. Every angel's deepest desire is to be loved by God, to be the chosen one, to be his favorite. Which is both sad and... human? I guess it's a tragedy from the human perspective but maybe the human perspective is limited.

I don't really like the finale with Jack as God for a variety of reasons but, conceptually, the idea of a half-angel and half-human (Kelly Kline you will NOT be forgotten) becoming god is not that bad (Hello Jesus!). Especially if the half-angel part is theoretically (well in pratice too but I mean biology what amirite?)Lucifer's. Because, as Sam says in "We Happy Few": I-I can’t believe I’m actually about to say this, but… um. Lucifer is right.

At the end of the day, SPN as a narrative, did, in a very convoluted and maybe unintentional way, agree with Lucifer.

Like, Lucifer was right. And I know that if we put on our morality glasses Lucifer is evil incarnate etc but honestly? By the same lensens, the whole heavenly host is kinda evil. They ALL (Cas included) did a lot of pretty horrible stuff. All the horror and the pain for a God that doesn't care.

So I guess what should have been explored in Dabb's era was not so much nurture vs nature but more "what does it mean to be half-angel?" 'Cause really, ALL angels are a little bit like Lucifer. And if no angel really represents "good" what are we, humans, left with? Does the question "nurture vs nature" even makes sense?

There's really nothing SPECIAL about any of us, humans, angels, demons, monsters. We ALL want to just be chosen and loved unconditionally. It turns out angels are not that different from humans, aren't they?

[loosethreadsofyoursoul]

it’s never too late by steppenwolf (aka the song from the end of 13x5) is thee dean winchester song. let me elaborate.

(i haven’t seen any posts about this so if there are any i would love to know about it bc i am passionate about this.)

firstly, i could pick that entire scene apart with how it relates to dean and what he’s going through as well as all the symbolism—the mother losing her child, billie in death’s library, the shots of the impala, the neon signs in shot when they finally drive up to cas—but honestly i would never run out of things to say about it.

the overarching themes of both that scene and this song are regret and guilt and wishing you could go back and do things, treat people, differently, and so putting them together in that way is perfect. more specifically, the song is about a man who had all these ambitions, mostly because of pressure from his parents, but finds himself grown up having achieved none of them and because of that, it starts to affect the people around him. sound familiar?

especially right now, dean is suffering so much loss, and (somewhat inadvertently) is taking it out on sam and jack, both his kids in a way (on your woman and your child / you release your bitterness). all he wants is his family back (i.e. mary and cas) but since there’s nothing he can do to go back and fix what took them away from him, he has a lot of trouble seeing the point in going on.

although you’re trained to make your mark / you still don’t quite know what to do

yeah. he’s lived like that for a while, but he’s especially feeling it now. his reaction to billie telling him he still has work to do was not exactly enthusiastic.

as he says to sam in this ep, he’s taken every previous loss in stride and just kept going, kept working, and (in some ways) kept starting over despite it all. but he might not be able to do it anymore. we’re seeing him at his lowest, all he wants is to die, but he’s finally let sam in, even if neither of them are sure where to go from here. and what happens next? his phone rings, and his best friend is on the other end.

we all know there’s a stark difference in dean from one episode to the next (13x6 is tombstone), and why is that? dean got the win he needed. he got cas back, and he’s no longer just watching time slip by until his death. a reason to live just walked back into his life. he’s learning that, maybe, it really is never too late.

this happens a lot for dean, specifically with losing cas, where it feels like he’s finally lost for good this time, but he’s always managed to get cas back or to find some way to keep going.

another line i find very fitting for dean is in the second verse:

the god of your childhood you can’t find / to save you from your emptiness

obviously, this could be about chuck and how unreliable he is, especially when dean (and sam) needs him most, which we saw most recently at the end of 13x1. (“the god of your childhood” could also be the samulet, but thats a different discussion.)

again, there’s a lot of lines that i think reflect dean’s character and everything he’s been through really well, but rather than enduring the essay i could write about it, go (re)listen and you’ll see what i mean. it’s just so beautifully fitting, especially given it’s 60s/70s rock which i think dean would appreciate.

that ending scene of dean and cas seeing each other again, particularly with that song in the background, is one i think about a lot and, to me, is criminally underrated in terms of destiel moments. it’s one of my favs and it makes me cry like a baby.

so yes, it’s never too late by steppenwolf is THEE dean winchester song and i hope you agree. it’s also just an excellent song tbh go listen to it and cry with me xx

[locke-esque-monster]

There are many things I love about SPN's 4x18 "The Monster at the end of this Book".

But the Chuck of it all is fascinating in retrospect. Now to be fair, I haven't finished the show yet, but I know about the God reveal. And I know that there's some debate over if Chuck was ever Chuck, or if he was always God.

I would love for Chuck to be goofy, anxious human Chuck. But I've doubted it before, and re-watching it today just reinforced that.

Here's what this episode looks like if you consider Chuck might already be god:

Because if Chuck's himself, how does he not recognize Sam & Dean from his visions? From the choppy bits we see, I know his publisher is there, so he can see people.

The case at the start of the episode with the comic book store is dropped with no explanation or reference to again. That says to me someone with questionable writing skills used that as a lazy plot device to get our characters here to meet Chuck. Who would do that but Chuck?

He has no recollection of the story he was writing until the characters ask what he's working on. Weird when he was just writing it before they arrived. Maybe understandable with the drinking/headaches. But the way he remembers only when asked, seems more like he's only giving out information when the story calls for it (think a questionable mentor type, like Dumbledore).

He says to Dean when he shows up at the end to kidnap him that he didn't write this. But if that's the case, how was the tryst with Lilith and Sam supposed to end? Bad writing for the show? Or is Chuck surprised Dean broke out of his plot and isn't expanding on details because he thinks he can steer Dean back on course? (Sidebar - I think Lilith's deal was legit, at least from her end. It'd end the apocalypse if Sam & Dean were dead, especially with no confirmed descendants. I just don't think God would allow that to play out.)

If Chuck is god, he takes a chance to throw it out to them that he is powerful so they dismiss it (hoping they won't call his bluff). And then when they do, he's confident enough they bought it to take the chance apologize to them for what he put them through. Sam's trying to make it something he's seen, like psychic abilities, and Dean's playing down the trauma/injuries are probably exactly how Chuck knew they'd react.

The wording of Sam's "wish to god I could stop" conversation with god, and Chuck saying he's still doing it is too uncanny. He's literally wishing in front of god for help, and god is putting it back on him that he's not really stopping, nor does he want to.

Then Chuck in that whole conversation with Sam. He's different in this scene than any other this episode. He doesn't play up his fears or anxiety like he does with Dean, he acts like a writer who not only knows the story, he KNOWS where it's going and is trying to steer Sam a certain way without looking like it or saying too much. His responses are very deliberately worded. It reminds me of Ben Linus manipulating people in Lost.

He says to Sam "I know it's a terrible burden - feeling that it all rests upon your shoulders." How would Chuck know that without the responsibility of God?

He has an answer for Dean and a loophole to get out of going with him - the archangel. But Dean calls his bluff. Basically, if Dean shoots him, either Dean will get killed by an archangel as a threat, ruining his story. Or he gets the shot off and Chuck survives, revealing he's not just Chuck. Chuck had to let his story be ruined tonight to allow the rest to play out (lose the battle to win the war).

To jump off that last point, this episode also acts as a thesis statement for how each character looks at destiny and how Chuck reacts to them.

Sam's the "smart one" - but he's liable to think he knows better and fall into exactly the trap Chuck sets for him. Sam is out to break the system in a big way - Chuck can see it, and stop it.

Cas's rebellious streak always wins out. If his friendship with Dean is on the line, he'll find a way to fall out of line with Chuck's plan in ways Chuck could have never imagined.

Dean's stubbornness with authority, including destiny, knows no bounds. He'll fight and get creative. Dean knows better than anyone how to find a loophole with a strict father. These little rebellions are harder for Chuck to see and correct. And with Dean's persistence and creativity, those little rebellions add up to messing up the plan. This is both how this episode goes, and the apocalypse arch as a whole. Chuck thinks he can outsmart Dean, but in a way, Dean's less predictable than Sam even if it doesn't outright seem like it. So Chuck fails to do stop every time. And a couple of times is all Dean needs.

I want to be wrong. I want Chuck to be like Anna maybe, unaware of of his abilities and knowledge and it's leaking through as maybe a vessel of god. Or even that god is writing Chuck this way for the purposes of the story, as his stand-in.

Unfortunately, I'm not so sure. And let's consider a comment I've heard made on the episode before. The episode title arguably isn't just a funny reference, it's a guide to the show - much like Chuck's writing. The "book", or episode, ends with Chuck, much like the last big villain in season 15 is Chuck. So he's the "monster at the end of this book" all along. It's a better fit if Chuck is god.

[vendettasfanfictioning]

Sam-coded: Analyzing the parallels between Destiel and Sam's arcs with his love interests.

PART 1: JESSICA MOORE

FOREWORD & DISCLAIMER

With a fan community as enormous as Supernatural's, it is fair to assume that most, if not everything, stated here has already been pointed out or dissected multiple times before—especially considering the long span of time that the show has aired and the three years thereafter. The goal of this post is not to claim these ideas as my own but rather to compile and expand on them.

I also want to add that regarding Jessica, specifically, the canon facts about her are incredibly limited what with her only "real" appearance being at the Pilot episode (though she is referenced and alluded to in multiple episodes all throughout).

That said, she had a critical role in shaping Sam's goals, with emphasis on earlier seasons' Sam's development so it felt fitting to start this series off with her.

There are many instances that the fandom has pointed out cinematic parallels between Sam and Jessica & Dean and Castiel. In this post, I would be elaborating on all of the key points I have found, namely: 1. The scripted meeting, 2. Grieving a lover, and other random findings.

1. IN THE BEGINNING (WITH REGARDS TO GOD'S PLAN)

To start, both Sam/Jess and Dean/Cas were fated to meet to serve a higher narrative purpose.

Frankly, I think that is fucking beautiful, but not only that; it can be argued that, if we were to speculate that Sam met Jessica right after he ran away from Dean and John, then Jessica and Castiel did the same thing. They pulled their respective Winchester brother out of hell/a dark place. (That may just be me talking out of my ass, but it's such a poetic concept, isn't it?)

Most importantly though, both parties were doomed by the narrative, but in polar opposite ways.

(Screenshots taken from 5x20)

Sam was destined to love and then lose Jessica for two reasons: to start the story, and to make Sam go down the "dark" path i.e. adjacent to Lucifer, demon blood, evil. Their story was scripted from the get-go, even before Supernatural decided to go metatextual with God.

(Screenshots taken from 15x17)

On the other hand, Dean and Castiel were never meant to be anything more. God himself says that Castiel was supposed to continue obeying heaven, do what he was told, and it is one of (if not the one) that completely separated the Supernatural storyline from any of Chuck's other drafts.

(GIFs from 15x18 and 15x19)

Furthermore, Castiel's love for Dean and Dean's loss of him marks the end of the story and makes Dean defy the role that God made for him. Admittedly, it's a flawed parallel, as Dean has already moved on from being Michael's Sword and the Righteous Man. To that, I say it only further proves the point; their unscripted "profound bond" directly opposed God's word. It was what should have broken the cycle.

And still, both ended in tragedy. It's just that one was written to end that way and the other wrote itself.

2. THE WINCHESTER BROTHERS ON GRIEF

(GIFs are from 1x01 and 12x23)

This segment can't start any other way than with these iconic shots of the Winchesters holding their brother back from running towards the love of their life (as the lover, in question, dies/walks to their death). These shots are the very reason I started this whole analysis, and they speak for themselves.

Even their clothes are inverted here, because Sam and Dean are experiencing the exact same thing. The grief, pain, and helplessness that comes with losing a partner.

(While compiling these, I stumbled upon the eerie realization that the shots attached above and the ones below have swapped color palettes in a way? Granted, that may just be some editing thing. Technology and video quality aside though, you can't deny that the vibrance of the fire vs. the bleakness of Apocalypse World juxtapose aesthetically well with the shots below. Just another one of those, "is it intentional or did Supernatural just run out of options from the sheer breadth of it?")

(Screenshots taken from 1x05 and 8x07)

This parallel in particular is what makes me believe that Supernatural either has amazing writing or just a terrible retention for continuity and reflection. Because, again, Sam and Dean are going through the same damn thing here: guilt. Specifically, the guilt of their lover's death—how both had reasons to believe they could've prevented it.

Also, these are cinematically shot the same way: Jessica and Castiel by the road, a deadpan stare at the Impala as the brothers drive by, then disappearing from sight at a second glance. How else are we to take this other than Dean grieving a lover the same way Sam grieved for his girlfriend? Did they just forget this scene from 1x05 when they filmed 8x07? (Most likely, yeah, but that doesn't disprove its contribution to the narrative.)

The premise is also similar, damningly so, the only notable difference being the formatting, with season 1's monster-of-the-week almost-standalones and season 8's continuous, over-arcing conflict with hell and the tablets.

(Screenshots taken from 1x05 and 8x07)

At the very core, though, is Sam and Dean with their, "I could have—" statements. Sam had visions about Jessica dying, he could have warned her. Dean had Castiel right there at the portal to exit Purgatory, he could have pulled him out. It is that guilt they must carry around and that burden they must bear.

(Screenshots taken from 1x05 and 8x07)

They even give one another the same damn pep talk. Dean saw that Jessica's death was slowly killing Sam, the same way Sam saw that Dean's return from Purgatory without Castiel was tearing Dean apart.

(Screenshots taken from 1x05 and 8x07)

Lastly, here are the verbal acknowledgements of their grief. Because hey, who am I to try to explain subtext and nonverbatim connections.

2.1. TO BE JOHN WINCHESTER'S SON

In this segment, I would like to point out two of the instances that Sam and Dean accepted being compared to John Winchester, both in regards to losing Jessica and Castiel respectively.

(Screenshots taken from 1x20)

Again, this is what the story was all about. Sam and John could or at least find solidarity in this, as was intended for the plot. (They even mirror God and Lucifer here, which is an entirely different can of worms I am not opening today.)

Keep in mind, Sam's always hated how John raised them, but it is evident that he found some comfort with John given their undeniably specific situations.

(Screenshots taken from 13x04 I talked a little more about this arc here)

Sam openly calls Dean out on his John-esque behavior; an irony in itself given that the brothers have long since established that Sam was the one who resembled John the most whereas Dean was always, "yes, sir!" until the very end.

In this very same arc, there is a concerning increase Dean's alcohol consumption—and the use of alcohol as a coping mechanism in itself, rather than the leisurely treat it recurringly was in the show—which are telling signs for the headspace Dean was in.

They both lashed out in John Winchester ways they've internalized over the years growing up. Sam went down the path of self-destructive revenge-seeking, while Dean lashed out by rejecting being a father role to Jack, becoming the "drill sergeant," instead. These traits were what hurt them as children and were the crux of John's grief over Mary's murder. Round and round the cycle goes.

2.2. TO BE LUCIFER'S VICTIM

(GIFs from 5x03 (a) and (b))

Again, another iconic parallel considering Lucifer's go-to trick to getting what he wants was to pose as the person his victims want the most. Another example of this exact same scenario is when Lucifer appears to rock star Vince Vicente as his dead girlfriend (and Vince ended up saying yes.)

In the earlier seasons, the most obvious choice for Sam was of course Jessica, as Lucifer was desperate to get ahold of Sam as a vessel. That was narratively sound, right? Even though 5 seasons (so about 5 years in canon) have passed since Jessica died, Sam hadn't forgotten her and she remained his greatest weakness.

(GIFs from 15x19)

Then on the flip side, during a time the story's well past the Script and God's most definitely free-styling, Lucifer appears again—and it is on God's orders. The devil chose Dean's weakness (Castiel) to blindside him, so Dean ends up running on emotions instead of questioning it.

This happened right after the episode Castiel confessed, and before the episode that Should Not Be Named... That also speaks for itself, doesn't it? Insane, absolute insanity to me.

3. MISCELLANEOUS: SYMBOLISMS & OTHER COINCIDENCES

(Screenshots taken from 1x01 and 14x12)

This is where I might be reaching, but it's a small observation I noticed while bingeing the Pilot episode. Of course, at the time, production likely didn't even put much thought into Jessica's costume, but it's a funny thing to point out all the same. (I screamed a little about Cas' healer motifs here in comparison to Cesar/Jesse if you're interested.)

(Screenshots taken from 1x01 and 10x09)

They both have the same Look when their boyfriend is talking down on himself, I can't even make this shit up.

+ I'm so frickin' tired I cannot look for screenshots anymore but Jessica's cookies plus Castiel's "you don't understand, I need pie," moment in the convenience store resonate with me.

+ Might edit and add more to this later, for now I sleepge.

REFERENCES

1x01: Pilot 1x05: Bloody Mary 1x20: Dead Man's Blood 5x03: Free to be You and Me 5x20: The Devil You Know 8x07: A Little Slice of Kevin 10x09: The Things We Left Behind 12x23: All Along the Watchtower 13x04: The Big Empty 14x12: Prophet and Loss 15x17: Unity 15x18: Despair 15x19: Inherit the Earth

UP NEXT: SARAH BLAKE

[angelsdean]

the thing is, jack literally is not a toddler. like i am all for baby jack AUs and headcanons but in canon he is not a baby in an adult body. the narrative does not treat him as a toddler. they settle this debate in jack's second (2nd) episode when jack is mimicking dean (bc he imprinted on him like a baby duck) and he goes to drink a beer and they let him because he's not actually a baby despite being new to the world. it's the same as when amara is born and grows up fast. she is not still a baby when, a very short time later, she is in her fully adult form. jack is a young adult, who yes is a bit naive and learning abt the world, but it's more on par with like angels being new to the world and learning abt humanity, (like cas.)

jack is also an incredibly powerful being! he is literally thee most powerful being on earth, more powerful than any archangel, and only second in power to chuck-amara. and chuck fears him. especially when jack goes soulless. everything that happens in Moriah is because chuck is angling for them to do away with his jack-problem. he's moving the pieces on the board, fueling tfw's (yes all of them) already uneasy feelings about soulless jack and telling them thee Only way to stop jack is to kill him. chuck also establishes that he's a writer and writers lie early on in the episode. then he tells them there's no way to save jack, only kill him. that chuck's hands are tied and restoring souls is beyond his abilities (he literally created souls !! he's GOD !!). he's literally lying to them thee whole time. and it all gets revealed when sam realizes chuck IS scared of jack and that he knows where jack and dean are and that everything is going according to plan and that he's enjoying it. and then dean does something chuck doesn't expect, he doesn't go through with what chuck wants him to do! he disrupts the narrative ! he chooses free will!!! he will not kill his kid. he won't do it. he throws the gun away because he can't do it. jack, very much like dean during the michael arc, is prepared to die if it's for the greater good.

like i said before, jack mimics dean. jack loves dean. jack learned so much from dean's example. (also, an aside but. dean and jack do so much bonding off screen. just from the references to their movie watching alone-- they've watched the lost boys 36 times--it's clear they've spent a lot of time together). anyways, jack learns a lot from dean and he and dean both feel similarly re: sacrifice. jack thinks the same about sacrificing dean during the michael arc, he tells cas it doesn't matter if they can't save dean if it means ridding the world from the danger of michael. similarly, soulless jack IS a threat to the world because he is thee most powerful being in the world after god and right now he is behaving unpredictably. they are right to be afraid of him (and yes they love him, but all of tfw currently fears him.) still, despite dean and jack sharing these similar views, neither of them could follow through with killing the other when it comes down to it.

anyway, all some people want to remember abt 14x20 / jack's soulless arc is dean pointing a gun at jack / putting him in the box but literally dean cannot and does not kill jack and actively goes against god's manipulation. additionally, jack is not a baby who just made a mistake and everyone is overreacting. of course he didn't mean to kill mary, but they are not irrational for being afraid of jack, who is an extremely powerful supernatural being who currently is behaving erratically and where loss of control results in fatal consequences for others. like they are Right to want to take precautions and find a solution to protect the world from jack who at the moment is very much like a bomb that could go off on a whim. also this IS a supernatural fantasy show, like that context matters. they are not putting their literal baby in a box for, like spilling orange juice. they are trying to deal with a supernatural threat on the "dealing with supernatural threats" show. cas even suggests putting jack in the cage / binding jack. they are all afraid of him and looking for a solution until they can figure out a way to save him. and the only reason anyone starts talking about killing jack is when chuck is the one to suggest it as Thee Only Option (because again, it's what chuck wants to happen)

[shallowseeker]

Rambling about the Macleods and Castiel friendship today:

I looooove how Rowena and Crowley will go out of their way to annoy everyone:

Rowena (11x03)

Rowena: You wouldn't think a road trip with two such strapping lads could be this tedious. Shall we have a wee sing-song? Sam and Dean (in unison): No!

///

Crowley in early 12x03: YAY ROAD TRIP!

Unlike in the past, Crowley is making himself as ADORABLE AS POSSIBLE THIS SEASON, ESPECIALLY TO CAS. Hilarious change of tactics. Truly. Crowley and Rowena both want friends so badly!

Crowley singing!

12x03

&

Crowley singing again!

12x15

///

Crowley is ALSO blowing a lot of hot air this season. Which continues into the next episodes.

12x03

Cas, as usual, not reacting much to Crowley's attempts to wound. (This is partially why Crowley goads him; the game is in getting Cas to react, which... he almost never does.)

////

But it's is soooooo funny, though. Crowley calls himself a "Jay-Z" and a POWERFUL demon and keeps trying to make digs at Cas as only "kinda powerful"...

...and yet insisting Cas go ahead of him, BWAHAHA. I love Crowley so much. I never thought about how Metatron-coded hs is a lot of the time, and it's... hilarious. (I'm a huge Metatron girl, so.)

"You first, Cas, go go!"

//

Also, I'm 99% sure this is the era where Rowena notoriously flipped on Cas, deciding he was super desirable, and I'm 99% sure this drove Crowley insane.

///

Rowena is in her dating-any-men-possible era, and she instantly starts velcro-ing herself to Cas. Later we'll see her go, "Ooooh, is the handsome angel there. Hi, tweetie pie!"

////

But yeah. Metatron, Crowley, and Rowena want to be popular kids and have friends soooooooooooo bad and I love them all.

///

Literally, all Crowley wants from life is to steal Sam and Dean's (and Cas's) roles. As we saw in s10, he HATES work. He wants his life to be one long fun road trip, filled with booze and bar-hopping.

///

Also LOL at Sam assuming Rowena got some licks in and did some damage. I love that he has this wonderful assumption of Rowena's strength:

///

///

///

Crowley tries much harder than usual to muster up (transparent) bluster. He's feeling insecure, lost. He wants friends, family, security. I think he's partially throwing his weight around because Lucifer represents his deepest insecurity: his job.

Beating Lucifer is the last peak, and maybe if he climbs it, he thinks, his life will finally even out.

&

///

AHAHA. Crowley loves being annoying, and he loves trying to break Cas's poker face.

///

And speaking of uncool, Sam and Dean are pretty "uncool" this episode too, LOL!

&

VERSUS

Despite the others nagging him, it's CAS who establishes a rapport and gets the "in" this episode.

Cas does this being being unashamedly uncool, not being a yapping Hell-king, or trying to appear "hip" like Sam and Dean do.

///

And Cas's stoic heroism seems to rub off on him. Crowley, not willing to fight Lucifer for Rowena in 12x02:

Crowley, who deep down wants to be more heroic like Cas, Like "Superman"...

...Is now trying his best to be a little more of a hero, following Cas's lead (he says it's because he hates Lucifer, but we'll do Crowley take up for friends and even the rescued-girl-of-the-week in later eps: Stuck in the Middle (with you) AND Somewhere in Between Heaven and Hell.

///

A hero's entrance:

//

And again, I had a meta about this before, but it's sooooo interesting that Lucifer is using Cas as a Chuck-stand-in: "Took you long enough," like he's been waiting for Cas, specifically. Like he wants a reaction out of Cas specifically.

//

And you know what else is fun? Lucifer attacks Crowley brutally with a guitar

And two seconds later Cas doles out the same thing to Lucifer.

ANYWAY.

This is the era when Rowena starting referring to Cas as "the handsome angel," and he actually gets fidgety and shy about it, and Crowley is probably losing his mind over Rowena's developing crush on him, especially since Cas, by all appearances, treats Rowena so nicies in comparision to Crowley.

BUT! In the next episode, Cas is a little nicer to Crowley, playing along by calling him Agent Zappa. Seems like they're KINDA friends now.

[entropic-saudade]

For @wellofdean (we interacted on your post on my main, but I had most of this in my drafts on this account).

Re: My disjointed, hastily verbalized thoughts on The American Dream as queered (and unqueered?) by Supernatural

The thing about Supernatural is that the thing that keeps the boys from being unable to reach The American Dream (a house, a successful job, a nuclear family) is that compared to the systemic issues (and the fact that it’s all a dangling carrot of a construct anyway) that keep most people from reaching it, what prevents them is the fact that monsters exist—at least, this is a premise as outlined by Pilot. These are two white, handsome, (debatably) cis, (arguably not) heterosexual men, and it should be something that should come as easy to them as others presume it should (See: Wishful Thinking). But a demon burned Mom on the ceiling, and then Jess, so that world is not for them.

But then the show does some interesting things.

They align supernatural beings with corporations (Hell and Crowley, Zachariah and Heaven), in S7 they use Leviathan as the literal embodiment of Thomas Hobbes’ defense of capitalism Leviathan, the all-intrinsic, insidious, corporate greed of corporate America. Even a lot of minor monsters who don’t get half-season or whole-season face times face the same underlying issues that hunters and other Americans (and people in general) face: they just want to survive. They want to keep food on the table. It’s eat or be eaten. Often, especially in later seasons (most notably in S15), we see glimpses of monsters living in dumps for houses just living relatively normal lives before the boys come in and kill them. To the monster, society at large and the hunter is what keeps them from their Dream of family and home and stability.

Monsters like Garth, Benny, etc, have to either be reformed or cooperative with humans, or else they face death. (I want to write on Benny and Garth later bc they’re SO fucking interesting, even among the monster archetypes).

Then, consider the fact that, yeah, monsters exist, but they’re just a decoy/byproduct of the fact that there IS an overarching systemic force that keeps them from ever exerting true free will, (note Hobbes’ social contract says we sacrifice a little bit of will in exchange for safety, that’s the condition of society; the safety here being so long as the boys follow Chuck’s stories they’ll forever be reincarnated into the rat race; if they want real free will they’ll no longer be safe from permanent death): God.

So the show in Pilot establishes that the American Dream apple pie life isn’t for them. Sam wants it, but he feels like a freak no matter where he goes. Dean claims he doesn’t want it, but you brush past his layers and you see how deeply he just wants a family and home (which John says he wants for him too, despite being the major force keeping him from it. Of course even without John, the other forces above kick in, because the system keeping them from it is God—John as an absent god figure represents that from the get go). They talk about the “apple pie life” with fluctuating tones of want and disdain throughout the show depending on their circumstances, but any time they get close to tasting it (Sam’s time at Stanford, Dean’s djinn dream in What Is and What Should Never Be, Dean’s time with Lisa, Sam’s time with Amelia—notably those examples stop after the boys get the Bunker, which I have more meta about I’ll RB & tag later, because it’s the closest thing to a home the show allows them to have), it gets poisoned by their past and snatched away by their path to the future.

Which makes the themes of “family don’t end (or begin) in blood” so important. (Though… consider also that most of their found family dies or isn’t shown by the end).

The way they get their American dream— a home (the bunker), a job (hunting, legacies, a hacked credit card), a family (all their found family, including Jack and Cas) is unconventional. In Lebanon, when John “I want this to be over, I want Sam to go to school, I want Dean to have a home” Winchester tells Dean he wanted him to have a home and family, Dean fully accepts and verbalizes that this is the best the life is going to give them. And that’s beautiful, and they’ll do anything to protect that. They make their little found families repeatedly: Ash, who burns down with the Road House; Jo and Cas and Ellen and Bobby, their family photo burned after Jo and Ellen die in AHBL. Every version of family they get is torn apart but they don’t stop, to the point that God literally has to take away everyone- and they still don’t stop fighting.

There’s smaller ‘jokes’ throughout— Dean never getting pie (never getting the apple pie life), Mary’s pie being storebought instead of homemade as representative of the fact that her home life wasn’t “real”— it was borrowed time. Even the pie in finale, is horridly, literally, delivered as a pie in the face. A joke. The apple pie life Sam got in the end isn’t necessarily even because he wants it anymore (Sam tells Dean such throughout, though he’s a little harder to read), but because Dean wanted it for him. The life Dean got in the end was in death.

Going back to Kripke and The Hero’s Journey as presented in his era of S1-5, the ending really subverted the ideas from Pilot. Dean got the apple pie life (and suffered), Sam did the furthest thing possible from normal and TOOK BACK POSSESSION FROM LUCIFER TO JUMP INTO A CAGE HE KNEW HE’D BE LOCKED IN FOREVER to save the world.

Then you get Gamble doing some interesting things with Leviathan/monster as Capitalist force, literally bringing the Campbell in Joseph Campbell back with Mary’s extended family— notably, Sam only fits in among them at the time because he Wasn’t Sam, and Dean feels like an outsider both in Lisa’s home (on the surface he keeps it together, but the life holds on), and among them even when he is hunting. They make fun of him for the traces of the American Dream apple pie life (golf clubs, magazines… even things he can’t control, like the ‘delicate features’ he gets from his mother, who waged a normal life so badly she made a deal with a demon while he inhabited her father’s body—the force that kept her from a normal life. More later on Mary and how she’s revealed to not be able to stop hunting regardless). The Campbells get killed off, and we get Mary in the form of Eve, Mother of All, who likewise is trying to protect her children. Is soulless Sam’s return in Exile on Mainstreet a “call to adventure”, presented as more of the inevitable same from Pilot— one so close that it’s Dean’s fear, that Azazel is back and will continue the cycle with Lisa and Ben? Ultimately, it’s not Azazel, but other demons and the existence of monsters, those pre-existing systemic family forces that keep Dean from his supposed idealized version of a normal life.

Carver’s era does some interesting things with Amelia (whose flashback scenes are so brightly lit they bring to mind the false cheery lighting of Dean’s djinn dream in What Is and What Should Never Be, of the false light lighting in It’s a Terrible Life— to the point that some have theorized the whole thing was a cope hallucination by Sam), with Benny (who I have meta written about elsewhere I need to post on here— but Benny is one of the most self aware, narratively echoed characters who aligns himself with every member of Team Free Will in just a few episodes. The notable/relevant thing here is that like Sam, Benny the blood drinker is a freak among freaks, feeling like he doesn’t fit in anywhere, has no home, and when he tries to find it (Andrea Kormos, Elizabeth in Carencro), he can’t get it either), with even the angels being thrown from the only home they’ve ever known, with Cain and Death and Rowena and God as a broken family with Lucifer and Amara and Chuck-as-God.

And then you get Dabb’s era, bringing Mary Winchester/Campbell back, the chance to unfridge a woman and tearing all expectations about who she is down, never acknowledging her family was also resurrected at one point, the boys living as “Campbells” in Lebanon (which I loved, but the “I have a home and I have a family” gets kind of thrown away by the end), Dean’s “I have a home,” The Heroes Journey even being lampshaded in S15 with the episode with Garth (more thoughts on Garth and how that episode shows the only real American Dream on the show, and he got to keep it, doubly queered by the fact that they’re monsters who are also hunters). Dabb’s finale brought the Heroes Journey story circle back, quite literally in the sense that time is a flat circle and Sam and Dean are returned to their Pilot expectations— right down to their clothing choices in Heaven. (I know some people find that beautiful, and there is a nice symmetry to certain elements, and I understand the need to end the story that way, BUT it’s the broader story and structure and narrative and message that upsets and baffles me— it undoes Kripke’s whole “rip up the ending” bit, the subverted Hero’s Journey from S5, and combined with everything else in the show (not going to touch Heaven rn but I have Thoughts about that too), it sends the message that what meaning you create in life doesn’t matter (the found family (who we don’t see in the finale and barely gets acknowledged. SAM’s new family barely gets acknowledged, his son is a xerox of Dean and his wife is a blur in the background who doesn’t have any family photos in the home), the queered way in which they create the American dream doesn’t matter)— true happiness comes in death.)

Something something “the one thing I want is something I know I can’t have.” Cas’ confession is not only a confession to Dean but a show thesis. To me.