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#because why tell me you like me and give me hope and tell me I've basically got the job and then go
ham1lton · 3 days
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47 with FA14 please :)
047. the inside of an elevator that won’t move w/ FA14.
— part of a series of drabbles! <3
you were incredibly annoyed. so annoyed in fact, that you were this close to quitting this job. your very cushy hybrid job which paid incredible and gave you your own office even though you mostly worked from home. toto, your boss, had given you the alonso case which meant that you’d be working through your sister’s wedding. the same wedding you’d booked off months ago.
you get in the elevator, slightly fuming, as an older man also got in the elevator with you. he turns to you.
“floor three please.” he asks politely, as you’re standing next to the buttons. you seethe but press the button for him.
as the two of you stand in silence, the elevator suddenly stops. you give each other a panicked look. the silence between the two of you is heavy, only broken by the occasional faint hum of the elevator’s machinery. you click the help button and after a short conversation with the very unhelpful guy on the other end, you’re told help will arrive in half an hour.
“great! just what i fucking needed.” you mutter. he turns to you. “what? like this is a great situation for you either?”
“no, obviously not.” he says, in very accented english.
“so don’t give me that look.” you roll your eyes.
he raises his hands defensively. "okay, okay. truce?"
you sigh, realizing you're being unfair. it’s not like it’s his fault. "yeah, sorry. it's just been a really bad day."
"tell me about it," he says, leaning against the elevator wall. "what’s got you so worked up?"
"my boss just dumped this huge case on me last minute," you say, frustration bubbling up again. "it’s for this big client, alonso or something. now i have to miss my holiday because of it. i had the time off booked for months."
he raises an eyebrow, clearly surprised. "alonso? that's tough."
"yeah, and all because some big shot can't finalize a business contract on time," you grumble. “what’s so important about this stupid contract anyways?”
he looks away, as if contemplating something. "sounds like a real pain. what do you do, exactly?"
"i'm a corporate lawyer. and you?"
he hesitates for a moment before answering, "i'm... in business. finance, mostly."
you roll your eyes. "well, mr. finance, at least you’re not stuck working on a weekend for some unreasonable client."
the silence that follows feels heavier than before, and he shifts uncomfortably. "yeah, must be tough," he says quietly.
you frown, feeling slightly guilty for venting so much. "sorry, i didn't mean to unload on you. it's just been a lot."
he nods, offering a small, understanding smile. "i get it. sometimes things don’t go the way we planned."
you both fall silent for a second, the hum of the elevator the only sound, as you wait for help to arrive. then, as if compelled to fill the void, you continue. "it's just... my sister's wedding this weekend. i've been looking forward to it for months. and now, because of this contract, i'm going to miss it. i don't even know why it's so urgent."
he shifts again, looking like he wants to say something but isn't sure if he should. "maybe the client has their reasons," he offers carefully. "not that it makes it any easier for you."
"yeah, well, whoever they are, i hope their business crashes and burns," you mutter darkly. "no contract is worth missing something so important."
there's another pause before he speaks again, his voice softer this time. "sometimes, it's hard to see the bigger picture when you're in the thick of it."
you look at him, a hint of curiosity mixed with your frustration. "you sound like you know a lot about this."
he gives a half-smile as he shrugs, almost rueful. "more than i'd like to admit."
before you can ask more, the elevator jerks and starts moving again. you both breathe a sigh of relief as the doors slide open. he gestures for you to go first. "after you."
as you step out, you glance back at him. "thanks for listening. and sorry for the rant."
"anytime," he says, his smile warm but his eyes holding a hint of something you can't quite place. "good luck with that contract. and i hope you find a way to make it to your sister's wedding."
"thanks," you say, still feeling a bit unsettled as you walk away, wondering why his understanding smile seemed to hold more weight than a simple stranger's sympathy.
later that evening, as you’re buried in paperwork, your phone buzzes with an email notification. it's from toto. you open it, and your heart skips a beat.
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
subject: urgent update on alonso case
dear l/n,
i have some unexpected news regarding the alonso contract. the client personally requested to change the deadline, granting you the weekend off. i know this is a surprise, but please take the weekend to attend your sister's wedding.
best,
toto.
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
your mind races as you read the email again. how did the client know about your situation? you stare at the screen, the pieces slowly clicking into place. the man from the elevator—the one who listened so intently, who seemed to know more than he let on—he must be connected to alonso.
the realisation brings a mix of emotions: relief, slight embarrassment, gratitude, and a touch of something warmer. you can't help but smile, remembering his kind eyes and supportive words. your phone beeps again.
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
subject: dinner invitation
dear y/n,
i hope this message finds you well. i wanted to extend an invitation for dinner sometime this week. it would be a pleasure to meet in person and discuss matters beyond business.
please let me know if you're interested and i hope you enjoy the wedding.
warm regards,
fernando alonso.
ceo of alonso corp.
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
author’s note: i don’t actually write for fernando but this was calling to me so i decided to fulfil the prompt. i hope this isn’t too ooc. my bad. also reader and ceo!alonso go on the date and fall in love and the week before their wedding he pretends to get her on a contract all over again bc he thinks its funny.
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heavyhitterheaux · 2 days
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“Urb, here me out. Why are you so against this? I like Y/N and I'm 98% sure that she likes me back and I'm good enough for her! I'm not like these other dudes out here that don't deserve her. I know and you do too that I'm going to treat her like she deserves.” Jack expressed as he pleaded his case. He knew that it would eventually come down to this.
"You are literally the biggest WHORE that I know of. Ain't no way in HELL. She's been off limits from the beginning and you know that."
"Look who's talking! We're adults now and she can decide for herself who she wants to date." Jack quickly shot back looking at his best friend in disbelief.
"Her track record says otherwise. She's my godsister and I'm going to do what I need to do in order to protect her."
"But from me? Protect her from me? Do you hear yourself right now? So you’re going to shelter her for the rest of her life?”
"Especially from you. I've seen your track record too with relationships and she's not someone that you hit it and quit it. And I’m not sheltering her. I’m protecting her from no good assholes.” Urban replied keeping his voice low in the hopes that you wouldn't hear him.
"I'm not going to do that with her and did you low key just call me an asshole? You know how important she is to me!” Jack was now fuming and shaking his head at him in disbelief.
"Like I said. She's my baby sister and I said no. I don't give a fuck about how you feel. End of discussion.”
“The fuck it is. We can agree to disagree.”
As Urban was getting ready to respond, you walked in the room beaming, holding Jack’s dog CoCo in your arms.
“Jack Jack, are we ready to go?” You asked as you scratched behind her ears.
“Where are you two going?” Urban asked while getting a slight attitude.
“Jack promised me an ice cream date with just the two of us. Since we couldn't do it yesterday.” You responded and Urban shot Jack the evil eye while all he did was come closer to you.
“Are you two okay? You both look tense.” You asked looking at both of their faces and Urban couldn't help but to blurt it out.
“I don't want you dating Jack.” Was all he said and you looked at him dumbfounded.
“Well Urby, that isn't for you to decide. I can date whoever I want. But I would at least think that you would approve of me dating your best friend.”
“I don't want you to get hurt.”
“Jack would never hurt me in a million years and you need to get that through your head and get over it. We mean a lot to each other and I would think that you would be happy. You don't want to see me happy?”
“Yes! Of course I do, but…”
“But what, Urban?”
“He thinks that I'm going to use you essentially and when I get what I want, leave you high and dry. Oh and also said that I'm the biggest whore he knows.” Jack finally spoke up and you looked at Urban who simply shrugged.
“I've seen him do it countless times before and he's not a relationship type of guy.”
“Urban, I love you with all of my heart, but until I ask you for your opinion, stay out of my love life. I am tired of you coddling me like I can't take care of myself. I'm not a baby anymore.”
“Fine, but when he cheats on you and breaks your heart remember that I warned you. Oh, and don't come crying to me because all I'm going to do is say I told you so.” Urban replied as he walked away bumping Jack’s shoulder on purpose but he decided to ignore him.
“Urby!”
“Nope, don't want to hear it.”
“URBAN HENRY WYATT!”
“Enjoy your date.”
As he walked off, you turned back to Jack Who could tell that you were clearly upset.
“Just give him some time. He'll come around.” Jack told you as he kissed your forehead, but he wasn't quite sure if he believed those words himself.
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For your ask game ~ 📖 🦉 🔞
Worth the Risk - Jack Delroy/Reader
Warnings: Female reader, no use of Y/N, making out, almost fully clothed grinding, clothed fingering, bit of exhibition/voyeurism, vaginal sex.
Wordcount: 6317
Summary: He'd given you his card, invited you to the studio with the promise of a good time, and the show had been amazing for sure, but did the night really have to end once the cameras turned off?
Notes: I really wanted to write this the other day but I was too sleepy and went to bed early y'know like a baby 😖 anyways I've been wanting to do a sequel to Susceptible since I first posted it and somehow it ended up even longer so this is for you hehe hope you enjoy~ 💗💗💗
Wait for me by the back entrance at 11:00 Phil will let you in JD
You don’t know how many times you’d looked at the card he handed you since that night, but the corners were starting to bend and the pen marks were beginning to smudge, just a little. You forced yourself to leave it be as you checked your appearance one last time, the mirror by the front door to your apartment offering its final encouragement as you decided there was nothing left you could do to delay your departure before you were late. As soon as you were out the door you had to resist the urge to sprint, your heels sending muffled echoes down the hall as you headed straight for the elevator, a kindly old woman holding it for you with a smile. 
You had the sense to call a cab early so you wouldn’t have to risk waiting and missing your 11PM deadline, the car stalling right outside the door as you waved to the driver and got inside. ‘Fiske Studios, please,’ you tell him, the small building owned by a branch of UBC now very well known thanks to a certain Mr. Midnight. Your leg bounced the entire way there, the card once again in your hands as you stared out the window, neighbourhoods giving way to open city streets, more cars circling around you like a school of fish. You hated driving in the city, it was the main reason why you dedicated so much of your paycheck to cabs, but tonight you were starting to wish you’d driven yourself as you hit the tenth red light in a row.
The driver sensed your anxiousness as you bit your lip for just a split second before your purse was opened and your lipstick was uncapped, the tiny mirror in your hand reassuring you that it’d be fine, you looked great, it was an easy fix. ‘Hot date tonight?’ he asked over his shoulder, his voice startling you a little as you snapped the mirror shut again.
‘Uh, going to a live show, actually,’ you said cautiously, avoiding a yes or no to his question; it’d be too presumptuous to say yes, but god if you didn’t want to hope. ‘I’m meeting a few friends there, don’t wanna be late and all.’
‘Oh, well, girl’s gotta have some fun on a Friday night, I guess,’ he said as he looked you over in the rearview, your coat pulled a little tighter over your shoulders as you forced a smile and tried not to look to disgusted; this was yet another reason why you were so fond of Jack Delroy, he’d never make you feel that way, what with him being such a gentleman and all.
The memory of the night you met made you shiver briefly as the hallucination flashed through your mind again, the false feeling of his hands on you having haunted you all week. You sucked in a very long breath through your nose as you willed the pink to leave your cheeks again, the last thing you needed right now was this guy seeing you get covered in goosebumps and assume it was because of what he’d said. You actually hadn’t been able to watch Night Owls since that night, feeling almost guilty about it even though there was no way he would know you hadn’t seen all the exciting things he’d been talking about. You’d tried last night, but as soon as the wall had opened and he’d strolled on out with that smile and his eyes instantly finding the camera you’d become a right mess way too fast and had to turn it off again, your heart pounding and your legs pressed uncomfortably tight together just at the sight of him.
Goddamn you Carmichael Haig.
The studio came into view with the latest turn and you readied yourself to get out, money already in hand by the time the car had stopped. The bill was settled and you stepped out into the cool night air, cutting off the driver’s wish for you to have a good night with the slamming of the door, and you took a look around and tried to guess which way would lead to the back door he’d mentioned. You waited until the car was out of sight, pretending to see your ‘friends’ so it wouldn’t look like you were about to walk down a dark alley by yourself, another deep breath exhaled sharply as you summoned up all of your courage and headed to the right.
It was a large alley, big enough for a car to drive down and reach the parking lot out back, which thankfully held just as many people walking about as the front did. A lot of them favoured a large, metal door up a tiny flight of stairs, keycards flashed to unlock it before it was held open for several people at a time, everyone helping each other in the most efficient of ways. You had no idea which one Phil was supposed to be, and if you waited too long you might get pinned as a fan trying to sneak in, so the next time someone approached the area you were lurking in you got the card back out and held it out to him.
‘Um, I’m supposed to find Phil?’ you said uncertainly, the man looking you over before taking the card. ‘Ja- Mr. Delroy told me to meet him here.’
‘How’d you meet Jack?’ he asked, clearly recognizing the handwriting but wanting to be certain all the same as he handed it back to you.
‘At Carmichael Haig’s show, we got to talk for a little bit,’ you explained, your nerves starting to rise the longer you were out there, the paranoia that you wouldn’t be able to get in starting to rise in your chest.
‘Ohhh, so you’re the one he was telling Gus about,’ the man said with a grin, your back straightening at the very thought of Jack talking about you with anyone, let alone with someone in a public place. ‘Yeah, he told me to expect someone, I’ll take you up there now if you help me carry something, save me a trip?’
You agreed to his terms, the man apparently being Phil as he shook your hand and handed you the box he was balancing on one arm as you talked. He quickly jogged back to his car to grab another box before returning to you, the door held open for you both as you squeezed past another employee and followed him through the maze of hallways and way too many doors to count. The studio itself was actually on the second floor, the first dedicated to offices and meeting rooms and other businessy things, the elevator able to just barely let you both cram inside as everyone got ready for the taping.
‘Is it always this hectic?’ you asked before you realized you were even opening your mouth, Phil just laughing and adjusting his box.
‘Every single night.’
Once the elevator had pinged and the doors had slid open, Phil then led you through a few more hallways until he pushed through a locked STAFF ONLY door, even more people on the other side, although there was more to the area back here, your eyes widening when it hit you that this was the back of Jack’s set. Phil noticed your excitement and set his box down on the nearest table, taking yours in another swift movement before motioning towards the slightly ajar wall panel; the audience’s seats were just in view through the crack, some people already coming in and finding their spots, and you were just in the middle of wondering if you should attempt finding an empty one when you felt a hand on your shoulder.
‘Quite the view, isn’t it?’
You turned to see Jack standing behind you, a look of pure bliss on his face as he watched the band get ready, Gus talking to someone and going over scripts off to the right, the few audience members chatting with each other as they guessed what they’d see that night. He truly loved this job, you could tell he did even after doing it for so many years, and seeing him so in love only made you love him even more. He looked down at you then, a fondness in his eyes as he gave your shoulder a squeeze and led you around back, a little tour before you had to leave him.
‘I’m glad you came,’ he admitted as you took everything in, everyone shifting their gaze towards the both of you as long as they thought they could get away with it. ‘Been looking forward to tonight all week, what did you think of the lineup?’
‘I, uh-’ you trailed off as he pulled you out of the way of a staff member carrying the requested items for tonight’s guest, your coat suddenly feeling way too warm to still be wearing inside. ‘I missed out on them, actually, been a busy week,’ you lied, avoiding his face as your cheeks lit up; you were not about to tell him that it was because looking at him made you remember how he’d felt pressed up against your waist, even if it was fake.
A shiver ran up your spine as you then realized that the heat against your back very much wasn’t however.
‘I’ll have to tell you all about it later, don’t want you missing out on anything,’ he said with a grin, your lips trembling as you tried to keep your smile from getting any bigger. There was no way he’d actually do that, he had to be too busy to entertain you when the PMs turned to AMs, but it was a nice thought indeed.
‘I’d like that,’ you admitted either way, happy to live in the fantasy for just a little bit at least.
‘Jack!’ someone called from just out of sight, a curly-haired man in sunglasses hunting him down with expert precision as he hurried over. ‘Gus just told me you’ve been saving seats all week, you wanna explain why that is?’
‘And there’s my cue,’ he whispers in your ear before using your shoulders to turn you and guide you back to the slit in the wall. ‘Middle front row, furthest left seat,’ he whispered before pushing you to the other side, his attention turned to his producer as he descended upon him for losing them money. You listened for just a second before it hit you that you were there, you were really there, your mouth dropping open as you slowly spun to check out the Night Owls set. People were whispering about who you might be but you didn’t care, not leaving until you heard Gus clear his throat and ask what you were doing.
‘Finding my seat,’ you mumbled, although maybe it had come out as nonsense in your delighted stupor, you couldn’t be sure at the moment.
‘Okay, do you have a ticket?’ he asked, still so polite even though he was very much confused. You just held up the card again, your eyes going higher as you stared at all the lights. ‘I see, so you’re the one he’s been waiting for, right this way.’
The one he’s been waiting for? Clearly you must’ve misheard, Jack Delroy couldn’t possibly have been that excited for you, you’d only spoken for maybe five minutes, tops.
Gus led you to your seat and you instantly sank into it, a 40 minute wait still ahead of you but it felt like no time at all as the rows all filled up and people slowly stopped walking across the set to prepare. On either side of you, cameramen took their places and lined up their shots, the blue screen of the viewfinder catching your attention as you couldn’t help but see what they saw. Gus got himself ready by the band, who were all tuned up and ready to go, and when midnight hit and Gus started calling out that night’s guests, you couldn’t help but bite your lip again as Jack’s name was announced and the wall opened up again to reveal him.
He’d been right, it was an incredible show, his presence so much more overwhelming as you could only focus on him no matter who he stood or sat beside. Every single one of his jokes landed, every eccentric wave of his hands drew you in without fail, and every single smile he shot your way when you laughed only confirmed more and more that you were genuinely glad you came. He tried to talk to you during the breaks but each time he’d been interrupted either by one of his co-workers or someone in the audience ready to snatch up his attention, Jack too polite to refuse either, although it was honestly starting to make you a little jealous.
Before you knew it, his hour had passed and he was saying goodbye, your chest deflating as he was played out again along with his final guest, your hands a little numb as you gave him his well deserved applause. You didn’t want to get up and leave as the rest of the people around you did without hesitation, a chorus of yawns starting to infect everyone like a virus now that it was officially bedtime. You were rooted to the spot, hands clasped in your lap as you wondered if it’d be too presumptuous to assume that maybe he’d come back out again when everyone was gone, wish you your own personal goodnight, people staring again as you waited until you accepted that you’d fulfilled his request, there was no need to stay now.
‘Oh good, you’re still here,’ Jack panted as he jogged over to you, a sheen on his cheeks and forehead from the excitement of the night mixed in with the hot stage lights, ‘I was worried you’d leave when Leo grabbed me just now.’ 
‘I’m in no hurry,’ you told him as you stood, your clasped hands hiding behind your back so he wouldn’t see you fidgeting. ‘It was a great show, I had a lot of fun tonight.’
His smile turned from Showman Jack to Genuine Jack at that, your ability to always tell coming in handy yet again as you tried to hide your blush by tucking your hair behind your ear. ‘I take it you had a more enjoyable time with me than at Haig’s, then?’ he asked, your blushing deepening at his choice of words.
‘I did, yeah.’ Everyone was packing up for the night around you, no one giving you a passing glance as the desire to get home and sleep overtook their curiosity, and when he stifled a yawn you couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty at keeping him. ‘All good things must come to an end though, I suppose; I should really get heading back, it’ll be a nightmare to find a cab this late.’ You didn’t want to go, but you also didn’t want to press your luck either, and maybe you’d get another invitation to another show, who knew?
‘I could give you a ride, if you wanted,’ he offered, completely catching you off guard as your eyes widened for a second in surprise. ‘Or, if you’re truly a night owl like me, you’d prefer to join me for a drink? I always grab one after a show, can’t sleep otherwise.’
You swallowed, mouth cotton dry as you went over his offer in your head a few times; was he asking you out on a date? He had to have been, who else went out to get a drink together at 1AM other than people on dates, right? ‘Yeah, a drink sounds great,’ you finally managed to squeak out, the corners of his eyes scrunching when he smiled before offering his arm for you to take, a true gentleman. He led you back through the labyrinth until you reached the parking lot, his car parked in a spot with his name plastered against the wall behind it, most of the other cars already gone now that their owners were free.
His car was simple, nothing too flashy like someone else in his position would own, the seats worn on the inside and telling you that he must’ve had it for many years. You tried not to look too nervous as he unlocked his door and let himself in, his long body stretching across the front so he could unlock the passenger side as well; an old car indeed, he was taking very good care of it for it to still look that good. You thanked him as you sat down and shut the door, the smell of his cologne stealing your breath away as you were surrounded by purely him, the faint smell of smoke mixing in with it, your eyes fluttering shut as you tried not to look too obvious.
He shot you a glance as he clicked his seatbelt into place, the noise making you come back to your senses and do the same so he could start driving. There were quite a few bars around there, some late night diners as well, and you grew more and more confused as he drove by all of them without a word. By the time you left the city and started to head towards a more residential area, you were starting to wonder if you were going for a drink at all, not remembering ever telling him where you lived, of course this neighborhood was much too nice, maybe you should be flattered if he thought you lived around here.
‘Are we still…?’ you tried to ask, your question dying out as he then turned into the driveway of a very nice but modestly sized house, all the lights off inside telling you that no one was home. He didn’t turn off the engine though, his eyes on the wheel before he turned to you, a hopeful something in his eyes that mirrored your own.
‘Would you like to come inside? Or should we try calling that cab?’ he asked you gently, giving you the choice of what you wanted to do now that you knew where you’d be drinking, your heart thumping a little faster as you adjusted the strap of your purse and flashed him the most confident smile you could muster.
‘You did promise to tell me all about the shows I miss,’ you reminded him, Jack’s smile softening as he agreed with a, ‘Yes I did.’ The engine shut off and you both exited the car, the night air making you shiver as you held your coat a little tighter over your arms. He noticed immediately, his suit jacket draped over you before you could confirm or deny you wanted it, heat spreading throughout you as the scent of his cologne hit you even harder. You wrapped yourself up in it, face tucked into the collar as you headed for his front door, always a few steps behind until he unlocked the door and pushed it open, allowing you to go in first.
It was a modest place, decorated more cozily than anything, and you felt right at home as you stepped inside and took a look around; the walls held photos of family and friends, his coworkers and people he’d met through Night Owls spaced out around them, the surfaces of every table and shelf decorated with something and filling the space while also feeling sparse. Cozy was definitely the right word, but it also felt like a bachelor pad in the way he’d left clothes draped over the back of the couch, how the kitchen was pristinely clean from rare use based on the amount of menus he’d collected into the holder by his phone, and the dedicated minibar off in the corner so he could entertain guests.
He headed there now as you observed your surroundings, his voice breaking your thoughts as he asked you to pick your poison. You gave him your desired drink request, Jack’s eyes shining as he located the bottle amongst the plethora of them in his reserve, whisky placed next to it as he located a couple of glasses next. ‘Ice?’ he asked casually as he poured both drinks, you kindly refusing as he grabbed a couple for himself. The ice crackled in his glass as he returned, the sound pleasant to you and filling the air as he handed you your drink. ‘I’d offer you a seat at the table, but my back is killing me tonight, if you’d rather join me on the couch?’
What a liar, you could always tell when he was acting. You accepted anyways, pretending to buy into it as you both took opposite ends of the old leather couch situated in front of his fireplace. The cushions creaked underneath as you sat down, Jack letting out a sigh that didn’t sound fake as he relaxed, his body sinking right in before he took a sip and turned to look at you. You blushed and looked away, focusing on your glass as you swirled the contents around, now wishing for ice since watching it would be a good distraction.
You’d been so focused on his home that it was starting to dawn on you that you were in his home, on his couch, drinking his liquor, his focus on nothing and no one other than you. ‘Dreamer, here, awake,’ you whispered softly under your breath, remembering what Haig had said to snap you out of it and needing to make sure this wasn’t just another dream.
‘What was that?’
Oh god, it wasn’t a dream, you were really here, and his arm was now on the back of the couch, casually reaching towards you as he tilted his head to the side with an amused grin. 
‘So, how did the shows that I missed go?’ you quickly choked out, Jack chuckling at how your voice sounded way more broken than you’d wanted before downing the rest of his drink and setting the empty glass on the coffee table in front of him.
‘Well, on Monday I got to interview someone about his upcoming play, so that was interesting,’ he began, his body turned more towards you as he spoke. ‘On Tuesday, we had a man who sailed halfway around the world and narrowly survived being shipwrecked, and he read us an excerpt from his captain’s log, which he revealed he’ll be turning into a book to preserve the memories of his shipmates.’ He slid a little down the leather, genuine interest in his eyes as he spoke, that another thing you loved about him. ‘Wednesday was Game Night, as you know, and one of our audience members managed to win the jackpot and gave us a victory dance to celebrate. Gus tried to attempt it and fell on his ass, so everyone made me try it and I nearly crashed into my stage, everyone had a lot of fun that night.
His voice started to soften as he moved a little closer, your body frozen in both awe at what you’d missed and also the sight of him starting to fill up your entire view, your drink forgotten in your hands.
‘And then on Thursday we took a call from a man who thought he had superpowers, can you believe that? He truly believed he got them from another dimension, so fascinating.’ He was just about to slide over the middle cushion, your legs pressing tightly together so you wouldn’t touch him on accident, your lip worried between your teeth again. ‘I asked him to come on the show, but he hung up, I hope he calls again next week.’ His arm was completely behind you you finally noticed as his thumb brushed against your shoulder just enough for you to feel it over your coat and his suit jacket, the heat of both starting to make you sweat as he stayed just outside your personal space, ever the gentleman as he waited for you to tell him to back up. 
You didn’t, your tongue darting out and tasting your lipstick as you glanced to the side, seeing just enough of him to know that he didn’t look dangerous, or overly sexual like your fantasy had been, his actual expression one of wonder as he remained just out of reach. You felt like you had to comment on his week, say something in response to what he was telling you but you couldn’t, the sound of his thumb running over the fabric directly in your ear as you finally took your first sip.
‘Sounds like I missed a lot,’ you eventually said, Jack nodding and shifting as he got comfier, the movement sending him a little closer to you. ‘Maybe you should invite me back again, I could probably make time for that.’
‘I’ll have to see if I can get you an actual ticket this time, then, Leo was very unhappy I snuck you in.’ His voice was so low as you took another, bigger sip, his arm sliding off the back of the couch and just barely resting against the very bottom of your neck.
‘Is that what that was? I’ll be sure to use the front door next time.’ Another sip, his other hand in plain sight on his thigh as it traveled down towards you. 
‘I think I’d prefer to escort you in myself, so you don’t get lost, it’s like a maze in there.’ You watched his hand just barely touch the hem of his jacket, a soft hum leaving his throat as his eyes half-lidded. ‘You look good in this, I might have to let you borrow it more often.’
‘You assume I’ll need it again? How presumptuous of you,’ you joked in an attempt to keep things light, but it fell flat as you looked at him while you said it, his expression rendering you speechless in seconds. Now that you were facing him he couldn’t resist the urge to touch your cheek, his fingertips just barely brushing against you and making you shut your eyes as you tried to lean against them, the contact causing shivers to run down your spine at how incredibly gentle it was.
‘I really am glad you came tonight,’ he whispered as he leaned in, breath soft against your face as you both held off from closing the gap, ‘god, you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.’
You nearly dropped the glass, Jack placing his hand over yours to make sure you didn’t before taking it away entirely. ‘Y-you’re just telling me what I wanna hear,’ you repeated from your fantasy, Jack leaning away to set the glass down before letting his forehead rest against your own.
‘Is it working?’
You grabbed onto his tie and pulled him into you, your mouths crashing together as you kissed him with all the need of someone who’d wanted this for years. He braced himself on the back of the couch as you leaned against the arm, your body arching up as he rearranged how he was sitting to kneel over you. He wasn’t as forward as your fantasy, which was understandable considering you knew very well that he’d only acted the exact way you wanted, but instead you discovered that he was slow, making as many points of contact as he could while giving you space. He was obsessed with kissing away the rest of your lipstick but he never tried to take more than you were giving him, your bodies still too far apart as he caressed you.
‘You’re so beautiful,’ he repeated as his hand left your jaw to travel down to your hip, not to hold down or make you keen but just to feel the soft curve of your body; he was committing you to memory, tracing over each wrinkle in the fabric, each place that made you squirm just a little.
‘Jack…’ you sighed as he pushed both coats aside to gently kiss at your neck, small things that made you want beyond the sweetness, the love. ‘Don’t make me wait anymore, please…’
He pressed a single kiss to your jaw at that, sitting back just enough so he could look at your face. You turned away, embarrassed by your neediness, but he turned you back to him with only a whisper of a touch, a plea instead of a command. ‘How long have you been waiting?’ he asked, lips hovering just above yours, pulling away when you tried to close the gap.
‘Years.’
He kissed you again, a little rougher this time as his own need was made clear, his body shifting down until he was laying himself on top of you, and for however real your fantasy had felt, it was fucking nothing compared to the weight of him pressing pure want directly into your waist. It made you gasp how good he felt, your legs spreading until your skirt wouldn’t stretch any further, the desire to hike it up all the way so you could feel him a little better making you almost actually do it. It was him who made that move when he felt you struggling, your legs pressed into his almost uncomfortably, and he placed his hands at the hem and waited for your okay, not wanting to do anything without your permission.
What a fucking gentleman.
You nodded and he lifted your skirt, your back arching off the couch so it could be bunched up, your underwear on display just the smallest amount before your skirt was let go. That small amount made him blush, his lips parting as he then palmed himself to ease the strain of his own clothes, his nice suit pulled taut over his dick as he kneaded. It made you want him even more, the fantasies of seeing him like that deciding to play like the world’s longest and lewdest film in your mind, reminding you of every single thing you wanted to do to him, what you wanted him to do to you.
‘I want to feel you,’ you told him, his eyes fluttering shut like the quicktalking showman Mr. Midnight couldn’t handle a bit of dirty talk; he was so cute it almost hurt as he moved his hand aside for you, granting you access to the space while he tried to undo his belt. You rubbed him over his pants, listening to the sounds he was making and letting your desire grow with each one, and when his belt was undone and his zipper was down you tugged just his pants over his hips just enough to show off his bulge a little better. It strained over the opening, the sight so tantalizing that you’d risk staying hypnotized forever if this really was just another dream, his body laying down over yours again as you wrapped your leg around him.
He started to grind against you, the fantasy definitely not doing him justice as a sinful heat warmed you up in an instant, the coats much too hot as you tried to strip them both off. He helped you but didn’t stop moving, each thrust just enough to create the best friction you’d ever experienced. There was no audience this time, no one to risk ruining this for you, and you took full advantage of that as you let out a deviously loud moan when he rubbed against you just right. 
‘God…’ he panted into your neck, hips moving just a little faster, and it felt good but it wasn’t what you wanted, not entirely. You reached down between where your bodies touched to try and get a hold of his boxers, your nails catching over the waistband just out of reach. He felt your attempts and knew what you were trying to do, his face unsure even though he still couldn’t stop. ‘Are you sure?’ he needed to know, his hips finally stilling for the most part, your eyes watering with how much you meant it as you told him yes. He groaned as he reached between your legs, feeling your wetness seeping through your panties as you moved against him, your head instantly falling back.
The sounds you let out were indecent, he wasn’t even inside you yet and he was making you fall apart just because it was him who was doing this, his fingers rewriting your brain and telling you that you’d never be able to get off on just your imagination ever again. He played with you as his other hand pushed his boxers down the rest of the way, his dick falling free and making him hiss as he gave himself a few strokes, the sound getting you to look up. Your legs twitched as you almost came just from the sight alone, his eyes shut tight as his head lolled to the side, his impressive length looking even bigger in his hand as he got himself ready.
As soon as he felt your eyes on him he locked onto you, his big, showman smile showing a little more teeth than usual as he let you watch, his own sounds almost addicting as he let you know exactly how good his own hand felt. Between the sight and his hands making the both of you feel good, you didn’t know how much more you could take of this before you were shoving him down, Jack sensing your desperation and leaning back over you. He pulled aside your panties and rubbed you a couple more times before pressing his waist against yours, spreading your wetness along the underside of his shaft, grinding against you this way until you were practically begging him to do more, please.
He chuckled at your reaction before taking himself in hand again, spreading it even more before holding himself up to your entrance, one last chance to back out. You made sure to lock eyes with him as you grabbed his tie and pulled him down to you once more, your mouth falling open as he pushed deep inside of you the more you pulled. You didn’t stop until you were full, the two of you panting into each other's mouth before he started to move, both of your legs wrapping around him this time as you tried to take him even deeper.
It was hot, you were sweating, you could see the sheen on his cheeks and forehead again as he suffered in the almost entirety of his suit versus your outfit, and you helped him relieve some of his suffering as you started to unbutton his shirt. You shoved it off one shoulder before he was tearing it off of himself and tossing it away, your own shirt pushed up to reveal a heaving stomach, muscles working hard under the flesh as he thrust into you, your body unable to move with him thanks to the arm of the couch keeping you in place.
It ensured he always hit the deepest part of you since your body couldn’t shift away, one of your hands on your stomach while the other took his own and placed it on your chest. He began to knead you over your bra, it soon out of the way as he yanked it down and wrapped his mouth around a nipple, his motions speeding up a bit as you tangled your now free hand into his hair. ‘You feel so good,’ you couldn’t stop yourself from saying then, starting to get overstimulated, and at your words he jerked a little erratically, like it’d made him stumble. ‘You- you were so handsome tonight, did so well, I couldn’t stop staring at you…’
He was moaning nonsense into your chest as you praised him, something about what you were saying making him fall apart; his head rested against you as he rutted into you with wild abandon, your hands just holding him there as you kept whispering what he wanted to hear. You meant it, every word, but to know that this much was making him practically whine against you was also addicting, needing him to know everything you felt for him, how proud you were of him, how you’d never be able to feel anyone but him for the rest of your life.
‘Come inside me, make me yours, I want to be yours,’ you pleaded, Jack grasping at you like a drowning man grasps at his saviour, a few more thrusts making your head fall back before he did just that. His hips jutted a few more times as warmth filled your insides, the sensation mixed with his broken gasps bringing you over the edge as well, his nails digging into your flesh where he held you, your hands thoroughly messing up his perfectly styled hair. When he was done he collapsed against you, his weight once again so incredibly nice as he pinned you against the cushions, the leather sticking to your skin and keeping you very much in place.
‘If I’m too heavy-’ he started to say before he shifted and cut himself off with a whine, his attempts to get up thwarted immediately.
‘You’re not,’ you reassured him, your fingers attempting to straighten his hair back into place, a small courtesy for him letting you grab him so hard in the first place. ‘We can just… stay a while.’
‘Do you wanna risk that? I might fall asleep on you like this,’ he asked like it’d be a bad thing; what a gentleman.
‘I think that’d be worth the risk,’ you told him as you kissed his forehead, Jack reaching up to cup your cheek before gathering all his strength to kiss you goodnight.
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crumb · 2 days
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okay okay so re: this post about this gifset
tell me what you think--did Benson plan on killing everybody in the restaurant? did he plan on killing himself after? did he expect to spare Randy, or was he on the fence? was he gunning for Chris and Chris alone and anticipating having to improvise?
I just love the way this scene plays out and how, despite the horrific violence, there's still something undeniably human about Benson as he goes about it. I would LOVE to hear your take!!
Holy shit my response is so long and rambling I'm so so sorry but uhhhh here's my thoughts under a cut to save people's dashboards from my dumb brain 🙈
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Omg so yes this is something I think about ALL the time. Chris is, of course, a definite 100%. He was basically dead the moment he grabbed Benson's shoulder and said "...I'll have no problem turning your peaceful redneck existence into a living hell..." Benson warned him, gave him a chance to back down from bullying Randy, but Chris doubled down so RIP lol. Which was the spark that lit the first fuse.
The rest I think may have been improvised a bit but not by much. I think he planned on killing everyone, except Randy, but wasn't sure how exactly it would all go down. There's a chance Hardy might not have heard Jess screaming and never come out of the back. Which that alone I find funny that it was Jess' shrieking and not the two shotgun blasts that managed to rip him away from his morning jerk off session. So Benson might have planned on getting Hardy in the office by surprise after doing in Chris and Jess.
Jess is interesting because Benson tries to quiet her first before getting frustrated and shooting her to shut her up. Like, was bro gonna give her some speech before offing her? I wouldn't be surprised. Something about not dating entitled dickheads? I get why some people think he might not have killed her if she stopped screaming, which is a fair theory! But I also think she's been clearly joining in on the bullying and egging on Chris with her little comments and giggling like she had been earlier that morning. So I think she was already firmly on his kill list by that point, plus she would have no use to him other than being another witness—and the whole thing wasn't about her, it was about Randy, so dragging her around with them, or leaving her behind, would be pointless and risky.
Randy Randy Randy. I don't think he ever intended on killing Randy at any point, except maybe there being the risk of it happening when he was shaken after the whole Sheppard situation. At that point, Benson was so out of his own body I think almost anything could've happened, though ultimately I don't think that would've ever been on purpose, only in a knee-jerk reaction. I do think it was a liiittle bit of a test. I think Benson, like he said in the diner (the first round lol) that seeing Randy just stand there doing nothing and waiting for Benson to kill him was the only thing he believed in. He, like Benson mentioned, had been watching Randy and knew he was smart, but also knew he wouldn't do anything to stop what was happening. But I think a small part of him was hoping he would be proved wrong, hoping Randy would do something and show some agency.
And then there's Benson. I've mentioned this before but yeah, I think throughout the film he kinda goes back and forth on having a deathwish. I think when he's having his smoke and probably semi-planning what he's gonna do he is also fully aware that this is the end of the road for him and Randy is his... I don't know, I guess one last chance at redemption before ending things. Pulling Randy back from the brink of dead-end small town small thinking monotony is his like... last hurrah. Ok well maybe killing Chris and everyone is really the last hurrah, but helping Randy figure his shit out is like his last good deed, helping Randy not end up like him. When they're driving to the diner after cleaning up BBB he's in high spirits. The relaxation and acceptance phase of his road to inevitable death/suicide. But then as things progress and he learns more about Randy and everything, once they reach the school, I think at that point he had stepped back from the ledge and was thinking, maybe wishfully thinking, that he could make it out of there. But then Sheppard had to show up and ruin everything. I think Benson had started to think that maybe things could be alright, if only he could get Randy to Ms. Beard's, get that checked off the to-do list, and then they could try escaping. But Sheppard appears and reminds Benson that no matter what he can never escape. He'll never escape what happened to him, the things he's tried to forget, or who he is. So at that point it's like trying to save a sandcastle from an incoming tide. There's no use. Benson didn't have the tools to deal with seeing Sheppard, especially not on a day like that day when he had already spilled blood three times. Chris and them, maybe they deserved it to an extent in Benson's eyes, but no one deserved it more than Sheppard. So after Sheppard he's given himself whiplash. He had accepted his death, then got hopeful, and then had the ceiling cave in on him causing him to have to re-accept his fate, though not as steadfast. There's a few points after Sheppard where it feels like Benson is mentally clawing at the oncoming events in panic. Ms. Beard getting that call and answering it before they could leave. Benson hearing the sirens after Randy calls the cops. Both times it looks like he's reliving some cosmic disappointment like even though he's had to re-accept his fate, he's still desperately looking for an off-ramp. I think that's maybe what Benson means at the end. "I was never in charge, Randy." His fate or inevitable end was in charge and was something he'd already considered set in stone. Though I think that's also due to some self-sabotage. Like Randy tried to tell him, he had the opportunity to just run and never look back but instead decided to go on some self-assigned white knight quest for Randy in circles around town. Following some perceived path to "fix" Randy in ways Benson could never fix himself. Benson is a walking self-fulfilling prophecy. So to answer your question about whether I think Benson planned on killing himself after killing Chris, Jess, and Hardy (and after "helping Randy")—in my opinion, yes, I believe so. But I also think it switches back and forth from yes to no like 15 times between them leaving BBB and watching the cops pull into the diner parking lot that night, lol.
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zweetpea · 3 days
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Wisdom or Spuriousness Part 1 of 2
Warning: Swearing
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"This is not how I thought this would be going down. Let's review. Two weeks ago I got shot all the way to Sumeru desert and ended up at the feet of the Eremites. So far they've only kept me around as a servant."
"Get back to work and stop talking to yourself!" The Eremite leader said. He was one of those Stone Enchanters that summoned those geo alligators. You picked up the broom again and kept sweeping.
"Malakai! Give us the money you owe us." A Geochanter called out followed by a Hydrogunner.
"I still have a week you Fatui Bastards!" Malakai shouted at them. 
You held the broom firmly in your grip and charged at them. In the blink of an eye you were behind them, electricity pulsing through you.
"What just happened?" You shook. You held up the broom and blocked a few rocks the Geochanter threw at you. Your delusion glowed bright purple as the world slowed around you. You swung at the Hydrogunner several times, until he fell to the ground. "I don't know what I just did. Did I kill a man?"
"Viktor! Don't you Go dying on me!" The Geochanter cried. 
"Ivan... it's okay." Malakai swung at 'Ivan' and Ivan blocked. He swung his weapon around and Ivan kept backing up. You walked over to the Hydrogunner and looked over him. "You..." He hissed. "Stay away from My Ivan."
"What have I done." You whispered. You looked around and saw his gun. You grabbed it and pointed it at him. "This will heal you right? Right?!"
"With my delusion yes."
"Give it to me then, I'll heal you and then you and Ivan will go. Deal?"
"...Would you do that?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to be a killer, and I see value in people. I want you to pay it forward and forgive the eremites their debt." 
"...Okay." He hands over the delusion and you shot him with the gun. "Thank you." He stood up and threw Ivan over his shoulder. 
"Ivan, catch!" You threw the gun and delusion at him.
"What was that?" Malakai growled at you.
"Malakai! We'll take care of the debt!" Viktor shouted at you two. 
"...Get back to work.
...
Thank you for that." He whispered.
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After that The Eremites started to treat you better. They'd give you more rations, start to say please and thank you when they made demands of you, even gave you a few blankets to sleep on. But they still weren't giving you the Debauchery you were promised.
"I hope you guys know that our viewers are going to be very disappointed."
"How many times do we have to tell you?!" A floral ring-dancer picked you up by your collar and held you dangling several inches off the ground. "You are not a protagonist of some erotic romance novel!"
"I have humble beginnings! And of course it's not an Erotic Novel! I've only gotten dicked down by three people and that happens very sparsely!" You're dropped on your ass. "You know sometimes I wish I'd landed myself in a fanfic or an actual Erotic Romance Novel. I wish my life was more like the 50 shades series or the 365 days series." 
"Like Anyone would ever actually want to sleep with you."
Now your butt and your pride were bruised. "Fine! Don't believe me! ...I miss Dvalin."
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After a few more weeks of this Hell on earth a girl with hair resembling cat ears strolled up to the Eremites, along with a girl with dark purplish-blue hair. "Malakai! How are you?"
"Dehya! Coming home for the weekend huh?"
"Yeah. You aren't getting up to any trouble are you dumbass?"
"No! Of course not."
"Who is this?" Candace asked looking over at you.
"Hello. Um the Eremites kinda kidnapped me. But it's okay I get kidnapped like every nation I go to."
"That's... not good."
"Do you guys want them? They keep trying to flirt with everyone." Malakai asked.
"No-" "Sure." Candace cuts off Dehya. 
"What?!" Dehya exclaims.
"Come on Dehya. If they need help then I'm obligated to help them as long as they're in the Sumeru Desert. And If we don't take them with us then Cyno will definitely arrest them all."
"Yeah! I don't want that to happen."
"Are you really kidnapped?"
"Well I didn't really get a say but I don't want them to get in trouble. I was promised Debauchery though so I think the best way for me to get that would be going with you guys.
"Fine, whatever." Dehya grumbled. "But you better not try to get freaky with us okay?"
"Yes ma'am." You smiled and the women took you away.
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Upon your insistence the girls brought you back to Sumeru city instead of Aaru Village. 
"Thank you ladies." You bowed like a magician doing a trick would. "Until we meet again." You used your Electro powers to race up to the Akademiya and rush into the Grandsage's office.
"Who on earth are you?"
"THE GRIM REAPER, BITCH!!"
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andromeda3116 · 7 months
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people actually went on about how game of thrones made it socially acceptable to be a fantasy nerd, as though the lord of the rings movies hadn't been released less than a decade earlier and left far greater cultural ripples and i am just
got may have made the adults feel better about liking fantasy, but lotr got into the kids' heads when they (we) were just young and impressionable enough to be absolutely transported and emotionally rewritten by don't you leave him, samwise gamgee and my brother, my captain, my king and and rohan will answer
lotr was rewriting entire generations' brain chemistry long before asoiaf and so obviously it's not fair to compare any post-lotr fantasy novel to it, and each book series was trying to do different things within their own spheres and so that also is not a fair comparison, but in terms of the cultural impact of the adaptations that came out within a decade of each other, saying that it was game of thrones that made fantasy mainstream is baffling
game of thrones could only run because the lord of the rings movies laid the path, and i will die on this hill
#lotr#lord of the rings#lord of the rings movies#i started this post because ''may it be'' came up on my playlist but now i think i'm going to start my nth rewatch of the trilogy#there is a lot to discuss about it re: comparison to the books but it's like...#for all the changes they made - good and bad and neutral - everyone involved in making the films *loved* the source material#they all *wanted* to do justice to it and believed in it and it shows#i think of some posts i've seen about how frustrating this modern push towards tongue-in-cheek irony over sincerity#so afraid to be corny or cheesy that you have to tack a joke onto every real emotional moment#like no fuck that#give me sam hauling frodo onto his shoulders saying ''i can't carry it for you but i can carry you''#give me aragorn gently kissing boromir's forehead as he dies#give me merry and pippin throwing themselves at the uruk hai to distract them from frodo#give me theoden's grand speeches and gandalf's pained expression when frodo says he'll carry the ring#tbh i think that sincerity is a large part of *why* it has such staying power even now#because it is a story you are meant to get deeply emotionally invested in and not hold yourself a little ironically apart from#it isn't meant to sell merch it's meant to bring you to middle-earth and capture your heart and make you believe that the war can be won#with love and loyalty and hope and fellowship and fidelity and integrity and just... just refusing to give in to despair#it is earnest. it is unafraid to be melodramatic or corny because it believes in the story it's telling.#and so it imprinted onto a whole generation growing up right at the cusp of a barrage of apocalypses#anyway. i have Feelings about these movies and their impact and how that mirrors and enhances the books' own impact
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dazais-guardian-angel · 2 months
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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taldigi · 10 months
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You like Five Nights at Freddy's? I thought you hated horror?
Yes.
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toasteaa · 3 months
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I went through 4 rounds of interviews, drove in Atlanta, took multiple non-pto times off my current job to meet with these people, and all they had to say was "heyyy :) you're such a GREAT candidate, but you also suck and we're moving forward with someone else after pretty much telling you you've got the job! Good luck in your job search :)"
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silkjade · 4 months
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it’s 3am so please enjoy my favorite painting in the world while i reflect introspectively in the tags thank u ♡
day and the dawnstar by herbert james draper
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#— 𝓭𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓬𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓼#///#this is meant to be like elevator music for the dash while you scroll past#……………..#i love selfshipping it's vry fun but sometimes when i think about it too much or rather when i think about any scenario at all#i'm always like i want so and so to do this and this and this but when asked what i'd do for them it's like hitting a blank ) :#and i can’t help but feel as if i’m being…. selfish….#selfish in the sense that i can so easily accept the love i crave but i don’t know if i'd be able to give the same back?#and this bleeds into my real life becus i suppose i just don't know how to make someone feel loved like...#i’m not even half as affectionate irl as i may seem online & i don’t have a cute or particularly loving personality.#the words i say aren't warm ; ironically they make me sound disingenuous lmao no matter how much i practice my cadence#& idk why it’s so difficult for me to imagine myself doing like.. domestic things for anyone without cringing at the alien nature of it#not becus there's something wrong with that but i just can't see ME doing anything like that and i just think 'what is wrong with me' becus#it's one of the simplest and purest forms of love i think ; \ idk maybe i've just never loved anyone enough like that...#but then i feel so..bad...because the real me is so apathetic boring cold#& not to make things sound transactional but why would someone want to stay if what they invest produces lackluster results ?#like omg ! even i can tell that it's totally unfair i'd feel like a leech#even in the painting above draper the painter says: 'to faint in the light of the sun she loves / to faint in his light and to die'#iz so me yearning 'n then dying from yearning becus i don't know how to express it#like when mitski said '胸がはち切れそうで' 'my chest is about to burst' i felt that#anyways i suppose this was good to get out before chinese new year lolz#i hope u did not make it this far honestly anyways i m going to rb a bunch of random stuff to hide this
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becca-alexa · 1 year
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i understand the technological gap between generations but at what point does that gap just turn into incompetence
#becca.txt#i don't mind fixing presentations and documents and PDFs for my coworkers i really don't it's not what they hired me for but i do not mind#but it's another thing entirely for you to give me the ugliest piece of shit i've ever seen and just expect me to make it presentable#especially when making this shit is YOUR job which you were HIRED for and which you were doing BEFORE i got here#how is any of this acceptable#and why are you hinging YOUR job security on whether you can get ME to fix your shit#your incompetence is not my problem#in this day and age if you've been working (at my job) for X years and you can't align a fucking PPT deck i'm sorry that's on you#my coworker had to be walked through changing fucking FONT COLOR on a word doc#and this is her JOB#i'm sorry i am just getting fed up with it#and she comes to me about how the manager is picking on her for her shoddy work and one of these days i'm going to snap#and just tell her yeah our manager's right this looks like shit you've been doing this for ten years and this is just not it#there is no reason for someone who's been here as long as you have to be producing this quality of work#and i don't want to be rude but it's just what it is#and she keeps trying to blame her executive dysfunction and how she has adhd and whatever else#like bitch so do i but you don't see me trying to pass off garbage and hoping nobody says anything#everybody at the company has been coddling this woman because she is a literal sugar cube of a lady and they all love her#and at the core of it it she isn't half bad at what she was hired for - which is GIVING training presentations#but lady the other half of that job description is MAKING the goddamn presentations#but our manager's new and he's having none of it and it's upsetting her so she's coming to me#and i don't know what to say about it anymore i am sick of it#pls ignore i am upset
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fingertipsmp3 · 6 months
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I love when I open the guidelines for next week's assignments and it literally makes no sense. I don't mind this
#i know we haven't covered this material yet but also what does it MEAN. what does it all mean#and my netlify blog is broken ✨ and i don't know why ✨ the debug console tried to tell me but i couldn't understand what it was saying ✨#when i tell you i haven't changed ANY of the deploy settings or info. i haven't changed the njk files. i haven't done ANYTHING#i suspect either netlify or github has updated and broken my blog themselves#or maybe just Maybe i accidentally did something but.... no. i don't think it's anything that i personally did#because i'd see it in the version history in my repository and there's nothing. i don't see anything#i love this. i love that i didn't even break it and it's STILL on me to fix it. that's great actually. i don't mind this#i am so heavily thinking about quitting this course but i'm literally 2 weeks from the end so that'd be stupid. right? ...right?#i'm not going to do it. unless.....#no honestly the time to quit was like a month after starting lol. i have been confused and annoyed this whole time#yes i've learned stuff but most of the time i just get so frustrated i end up cutting corners and doing the absolute bare minimum to get my#assignments done because i honestly do not care anymore. i don't want to work in tech after this. i am so blatantly not cut out for it#i'm going to defect back to education but in a support role this time and just hope for the best#which is also what makes me think i might as well quit the course? idk. i should've quit weeks ago because now sunk cost fallacy#is kicking in. i told my friend and she was like 'i had no idea it was this bad :( you can't quit' 1) yes it is 2) yes i can#maybe i'll just ask for an extension. i have had a really bad couple of months#y'know what; yeah. if they can't give me an extension (to give me enough time to fucking figure this shit out) i'll just quit#either give me a long ass time to do the assignments or i'm not doing them#personal
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cryptotheism · 4 months
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I hope this doesn't come off as disrespectful, because I'm genuinely curious, but like...is alchemy "real"? Because the way you speak about it is how I wish I could, myself, appreciate it and you're the closest I've ever found to a real world wizard which excites me a great deal. I totally respect if for you it's actually just an interesting academic study without intention, I'm just curious for how you view it in that lens.
No that's a good question!
Short answer: Yes, as in alchemists were real people who could actually do cool shit sometimes, but they weren't actually transmuting lead into gold, you need a particle accelerator for that.
In the 4th century, you weren't a scientist, that word hadn't been invented yet. You were a Natural Philosopher. You studied everything from the stars, to mathematics, to medicine, to the nature of herbs and stones.
In the medieval era, you weren't an astronomer, you were an astrologer. Telling people's horoscopes involved a lot of astronomical math. There wasn't really a difference between astronomy and astrology.
In the renaissance era, you weren't a chemist. The term chemist didn't exist yet. You were an alchemist. You tried to make gold sometimes, but you also manufactured dyes, glass vessels, cosmetics, paints, and medicines. You were kind of a whitesmith, and a glass-blower, and a doctor, and sometimes just a con-man.
Alchemy and chemistry have a relationship similar to Astrology and Astronomy. But, don't think of alchemy as just "Chemistry with magic." Alchemy is the father of modern chemistry. It is the cocoon that chemistry sprouted out of.
The thing is, alchemy is more "real" than astrology is. You know what a common use of astrology was in the medieval era? Diagnosing diseases. You'd check someone's horoscope to determine what medicine to give them. This didn't work. A medieval astrology textbook isn't going to be useful for diagnosing why your stomach hurts.
But!
Medieval alchemy texts are actually useful sometimes. If you want to dye some copper so it looked more like gold, there are alchemy texts that can tell you how to do that. If you want to distill the mercury out of some cinnabar, alchemists could do that. They didn't really know how or why that worked, but they could do it! If you want a potion that could make you immortal, the alchemists could make a philter of mercury and lead that would definitely 100% kill you and it would hurt the whole time you were dying. You can't win em all.
Im writing about the history of alchemy on my patreon if you wanna support me!
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bananami · 5 months
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A little couple's trivia with Nanami proves that he knows you all too well.
I did use the term wife and she/her pronouns just as a brief cw. The whole thing is just fluff. Nanami is in love with you. That's the whole things.
(I am delulu and in love with this man. Hope this helps us all heal. He is alive and well and no one can convince me otherwise. Also I love including Gojo's dumbass in everything. Also Yuji is a sweetheart and Nanami's son basically.)
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"Please?" You're practically begging your husband, who doesn't seem to be budging.
"No."
"Why not?"
"Yeah Nanamin-"
"Don't call me that." Nanami cuts Gojo off immediately.
"But Yuji calls you that!"
"That's different." He glares at the white haired man like he's trying to eviscerate him with just his eyes. "And I'm not playing some stupid game just to prove how well I know my wife." He tries to pay attention to the paperwork in front of him again, wanting to finish it before 5pm. Because there was no way he was working overtime again today.
"Scared?" Gojo baited him. "Afraid I'm gonna ask you a question that's just too hard?"
"Gojo, there is nothing you could ask me about my wife that I wouldn't be able to answer."
A few of the students sat around watching the two go back and forth, inevitably waiting for Nanami to either get so annoyed that he walked away, or to take the bait. They hoped for the latter.
"Prove it! Or you forfeit your marriage."
"That's not how that works."
"C'mon Nanamin, it's just a game." Yuji gives the blonde sorcerer a sincere smile, hoping to lighten the mood and sway his decision just a bit.
"Don't call him Nanamin, Yuji- OW." Gojo is cut off as Nanami reaches over and smacks him in the head with the papers in his hand.
"Don't tell him what to do." Nanami sighs and rubs at his temple. He looks at the clock, then at you. It's the look in your eyes that gives way to his final decision. "Fine. You have until that clock reads 5, and then I'm taking my wife and we're going home."
Gojo wastes no time. "Who is your wife's favorite person? And think before you say yourself because-"
"Itadori. Next question."
"I'm your favorite person?!" Yuji jumps from his seat, latching his arms around you for a hug. It's obvious from the way that you smile and hug him back that Nanami is probably definitely right. You had a soft spot for the kid since you met him, playfully telling everyone that you and Nanami had basically adopted him since he arrived at Jujutsu High. Nanami would probably never verbalize it, but you could tell he felt the same about the boy.
"Ok, ok. Next question." Gojo thought hard before coming up with it. "How does your wife take her coffee?"
"She doesn't drink coffee."
"Yes she does, I bring her some like every morning."
"And she gives that coffee to me because she doesn't like it."
"You're telling me I've been buying you coffee this entire time?"
"I make her tea every morning when we get to work. You hand her the coffee, we trade cups. I don't understand how you've stared right at us when we do it and you somehow haven't noticed."
"Ok, then what tea does she drink?"
"Earl Grey, three sugars, a little bit of milk at the top. She'll say she's ok with English Breakfast or Lady Earl Grey if they're out of the regular. She's not, she's just being polite. She'll drink half and throw it away when she thinks no one is looking."
Gojo groans, not having as much fun as he thought he was going to at the beginning of all of this. "And I just bet you have a contingency plan for when your wife doesn't get her tea, don't you?"
"Of course I do," he ignores the even louder groan from Gojo, "I walk across the street to the cafe that sells her favorite pastries and I buy her five because I know that she'll want to share with her students and she'll try to split one with me even if I refuse. They have teabags they leave out so long as you're ordering something. Earl Grey, always in stock."
"Adorable." Gojo rolls his eyes.
"You're so smart, Nanamin!" Yuji jumps in. "Let me ask one! What's her favorite color?"
"Yuji, that's too easy."
"Yellow."
"Ohhhh, mine too," Yuji says, "why yellow?"
"Because it's-" Nanami stops mid-sentence and looks at the clock, like it will give him an excuse. Almost. "We don't need to worry about the why, that wasn't the original question."
Gojo perks up, clearly realizing he'd struck a nerve. And he was ready to work it. The red dusting across Nanami's cheeks told him everything he needed to know. "Are you embarrassed, Nanami?"
"Shut up, Gojo."
"Or do you just not know the answer? It's ok if you don't, I guess you just don't know your wife as well as you thought you did."
"If you don't stop talking, I'm going to tell everyone about the one time in high school when you and Geto got caught in the-"
"OK!" Gojo turns back to the students and motions them toward the door. "Time to go! Don't you all have something better to do? Go be little trouble makers somewhere. Go TP Yaga's lawn or something. Get out of here."
He'd ushered everyone out except Yuji, who stayed behind to wait for you and Nanami. The boy shyly looked away as you kissed Nanami's cheek before standing up, stating you just needed to grab your bag before you could leave.
Yuji waited for you to exit the room before he asked. "Is it because of your hair?"
Nanami sighs. "What makes you think that?"
Yuji just shrugs. "She loves you. Answers don't always need a complex reason."
Nanami can't help the smile that graces his face. "You're a smart kid sometimes, you know that?"
"That's why I'm her favorite!" His goofy nature is back in an instant. "Can I come over for dinner again tonight?"
"Of course you can."
"Can I stay over?"
"If you'd like to."
"Can I pick the movie we watch?"
"Don't push your luck."
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novelbear · 4 months
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a dialogue list for angry love confessions
prompt list by @novelbear | very slight cw for cursing!
"if you can't figure it out by now, then i don't have anything else to tell you."
"i thought that if i did all of this and came all this way, it would finally click for you."
"come back to me when you figure it out."
"i am done. i'm done waiting for you."
"i'm in love with you, you dumbass."
"what the hell did you think i meant by that?"
"i've been stupid enough to keep chasing after you."
"you knew. you knew i loved you and took full advantage of the fact that i'd do anything for you. and i knew that. i just kept at it hoping that one day you'd value me just as much."
"i've been following you around like a lost puppy since the day we met, yet you couldn't see?"
"i dropped everything to be with you! everything!"
"why do i keep doing this to myself..."
"i'm not losing the one person i love because of some stupid shit."
"is that what you wanted to hear? are you happy?"
"what do you think i've been doing this for?"
"i had thought all of this would be so different for us."
"don't you want the same?"
"god, how blind can you be?"
"open your eyes!"
"i've wasted years of my life chasing after someone who couldn't give a fuck about me..."
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feluka · 11 days
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"How many of you like have you ever been to Jerusalem? Raise your hand if you have ever been to Jerusalem. We have 60 students here, and we have one... two, probably three... That's that's very few of you! I've never been to Jerusalem. We're Palestinians; we live in Gaza; we can't go to Jerusalem because of the Israeli occupation.
But we love Jerusalem, right? [A chorus of students saying "yes".] We love Jerusalem because of what it means to us. We've never been there, but believe me, when you go there you will feel that you've been there hundreds of times. Because you read about Jerusalem in literature, in stories. Of course it doesn't mean that that's it, that we should take the Jerusalem that's in the stories and that's it, no.
But in literature, Jerusalem comes back to us. It's true that there is suffering; there is pain; there is occupation, and that's why Tamim Al-Barghouti, as a young Palestinian poet, I think is doing a great service to the Palestinian cause and the Palestinian struggle.
When you listen to him reciting his poem from Al-Quds, or other poems, he takes you to Jerusalem. You live in Jerusalem. He takes you back to it. You liberate it for just a little bit of time.
And if there is hope; if you can imagine a free Palestine, a free Jerusalem, probably you will work towards that, and the same thing applies to occupied Palestine. We've never been to other parts of Palestine because of the Israeli occupation, but we've been told so many times by our parents and our grandparents, especially our mothers, they've been telling us stories about Palestine in the past, the good old days, when Palestine was all beautiful, unoccupied, unraped.
Therefore, I say in in this case how our homeland turns into a story. In reality, we can't have it; we don't have it, but it can turn into poems, into literature, into stories, so our homeland turns into a story. We love our homeland because of the story. We love our homeland because of the story, and we love the story because it's about our homeland, and this connection is significant.
Israel wants to sever this relationship, for example between Palestinians and the land; Palestinians and Jerusalem, and other places and cities, and literature attaches us back - connects us strongly to Palestine, so in my thinking, this is a very significant thing that literature contributes to. Creating realities; making the impossible sound possible.
In real life, again because we are here in Palestine and Gaza, I'll be giving you examples from Palestinian and Arab literature so we can compare and make things clearer. We all know Fadwa Tuqan, the Palestinian poet - and please do not introduce her as Ibrahim Tuqan's sister, let's talk about her as Fadwa Tuqan and then somewhere else mention that, "by the way, Ibrahim Tuqan was her brother". Let's not throw her under the shadow of a man, even if it's her brother, who was a great poet, we can't deny that.
So this is Fadwa Tuqan, a Palestinian poet, 40 years ago or 50 years ago, writing poetry... Of course, we always fall into this trap of saying "she was arrested for just writing poetry!" We do this, even us believers in literature, "Why would Israel arrest somebody or put somebody under house arrest if she only wrote a poem?!"
So we contradict ourselves sometimes. We believe in the power of literature, changing life as a means of resistance, a means of fighting back and in the end we say, "She just wrote a poem!" We shouldn't be saying that.
Moshe Daya, an Israeli general, said that the poems of Fadwa Tuqan were like facing 20 enemy fighters. Wow.
She didn't throw stones; she didn't shoot at the invading Israeli military jeeps. She just wrote poetry. And I'm falling for that again, I'm saying "she just wrote poetry".
So this is what how Israel's dealing with Palestinian poets, and the same thing happened to Palestinian poet Dareen Tatour. She wrote poetry celebrating Palestinian struggle; encouraging Palestinians to resist, not to give up, to fight back. She was put under house arrest. She was sent to prison for years.
And therefore I end here with a very significant point. Don't forget that Palestine was first and foremost occupied in Zionist literature and Zionist poetry.
Palestine was presented as these things, I'll be mentioning some of them, but there's a contradiction here, there's a paradox always. "Palestine is a land without a people to our people without a land", "Palestine flows with milk and honey", "there's no one there, so let's go". We'll see how later on, how many even Jewish people were disappointed when they came to Palestine. Number one, there was no milk and honey, because "flowing with milk and honey" sounds like you're just going to be groping around, and milk and honey will be thrown at you - and there were people! There have always been people in Palestine.
The fact that Israel worked hard to ethnically cleanse Palestine, to kick Palestinians out, first and foremost in literature - yes, in politics and everything - shows how significant poetry is.
To sum up, Palestine was occupied metaphorically in the poem long before it was physically and militarily occupied in your life, so let's do the same. Let's fight back; let's restore Palestine in in our writings; in our poetry; in our stories."
-Professor Refaat Alareer explaining to his students the power of poetry as a means of resistance, and why the occupation targets poets, during one of his lectures at IUG.
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