#just like people like different foods- I am only speaking on what I choose to fill my own time and my heart with.

[triglycercule]

i want to headcanon the mtt having absolutely terrible hygiene and struggling to keep themselves clean (this MAY... just QUITE POSSIBLY.... only in the SLIGHTEST bit be projection) but i think it would be too gross and man EVEN I dont wanna think about that

also killer canonically smells good and i actually really LIKE that idea so oh shit there goes that idea out the window. horror and dust youre my only hope please let me make you smell bad for reasons you won't understand

[taldigi]

You like Five Nights at Freddy's? I thought you hated horror?

Yes.

[translucent-sun]

Cody laid awake, lost in thoughts. He’d been trying to resist the temptation to ask Obi-Wan this one simple question for months now. There was no point in asking if questions about the past, Cody knew that. Nothing he’d do, no answer he could possibly get, would be able to change a thing that happened, how things went. And yet, he needed to ask. 

“Do you think,” he started, speaking quietly into the darkness. “If just one little thing had been different back then. Do you think everything would be different today?” He stared up at the ceiling. He didn’t even know if Obi-Wan was awake. If he heard him. But the question that’s been burning inside his mind for so long was finally out now. It was free. 

To his relief, or dismay – Cody wasn’t sure – Obi-Wan gave a questioning hum in return. “Of course. Every small decision or act shapes the course of the future.” Cody huffed. He didn’t know what kind of answer he expected, but it should have been this one.

“What I mean, is,” Cody elaborated. “If – You know there were some of us, some of my brothers who managed to remove their inhibitor chips long before we even knew what they were capable of. If I’d been one of them… We could’ve been together this whole time. We could’ve had a life. I caused you so much pain. None of that would’ve happened if that one thing had been different.”

“Or you and I could be dead,” Obi-Wan countered matter-of-factly before he continued more softly. “I know those thoughts are hard. I have so, so many regrets, so many things that make me wonder what could’ve been if I’d done something differently. About you, about Padmé, about – about Anakin.” His voice broke off almost unnoticeably, but Cody still caught it. “But all you’re doing is torturing yourself by asking yourself those things. We can’t change what happened, but we can make sure none of it was for nothing.” Cody felt Obi-Wan’s warm fingers against the skin of his arm, wandering down in search of his hand. “We’re here now,” he whispered, interlacing their fingers and squeezing gently. Cody sighed.

“I know you’re right, but it’s so easy to get lost in the past.” Obi-Wan stroked the knuckle of Cody’s thumb with his own, continuing the movement on his wrist, then his palm, separating their hands just slightly. It tickled, and for a split-second Cody considered pulling away before Obi-Wan suddenly stopped. Cody could almost hear the smile in his voice when he spoke.

“You know what I wish we could do again?” he asked. Only when Cody hummed in question did he continue, rising onto his elbow, hovering above him. “I wish we could go back to Coruscant, just once, and spend another night in the lower levels. Remember the stuffed Rodian peppers and Tsiraki we had at this little stall?” Cody huffed.

“The one that shushed us away and closed down when he saw a police droid nearby? How could I forget,” he chuckled at the memory.

“That one,” Obi-Wan said, chuckling now too. He leaned back just slightly. “I miss the food. And I miss the feeling of– this doesn’t make sense. I should be, and I am glad that we don’t have to keep us a secret anymore. Well, you know what I mean. But I miss the thrill of being close to you in public, on Coruscant. Being seen and knowing that no one down there knew or cared who we were. That’s something I wish we could do again. Here we’re just that strange old couple.” 

Cody smiled for a moment before locking his eyes on the ceiling, the smile disappearing.

“I don’t know…” He huffed. “Everyone always thought you’re so strictly by the rules. That we both were. I wish we could have told more people. It was exciting, even the sneaking around was fun, but I never liked having to pretend. So I am glad that we can now just live our life and be seen as whatever they choose to see, as long as they can see us. The risk is a different one now.” 

Obi-Wan smiled just slightly and Cody followed the movement of his lips closely. 

“If only it was us they were seeing. They’ll never see Obi-Wan holding Cody’s hand. They’ll only ever see Tem and Ben.” He huffed, drifting off for a second. “Sometimes I forget that this isn’t my name, I’ve been using it for so long.” He shook his head. “Either way, it’s made-up characters they see. In a way, we’re hiding more than we ever have before.”

Cody hummed. Obi-Wan was right. He hadn’t seen it that way before, but it was true. Though it didn’t really matter.

“My name was made-up to begin with,” Cody shrugged. “I love you. I don’t care whether I call myself Cody or Tem or anything else while loving you. It doesn’t matter what names we use, because it’s us loving each other.” 

Obi-Wan smiled before letting himself fall back onto the mattress. 

“You are such a smart-ass. Can we go back to sleep now?” Cody chuckled.

“Fine.” 

The bedding rustled beside him and a kiss was pressed to his lips, and without another word they went back to sleep.

[blue-slxt]

Part of The Family

*Request: would u write for Tonowari? 😊*

So I’ve never written for Tonowari cuz it was super intimidating for me, but I tried my best with this one. Sorry if it’s a little short, but I tried😭 I hope you still like it. I legit pulled this premise out of my ass. All characters are of age.

🔞Minors Do Not Interact🔞

Smut under the cut.

Nothing about this situation made sense to you. It was not unusual for the Metkayina to take several different partners. That wasn’t the confusing part. The confusing part was why the olo’eyktan would choose you as one of his. Everyone had assumed that Ronal would be his only partner especially since she carried herself with such confidence, it seemed like she would surely intimidate anyone that dared to get close.

It was a great honor, but you still didn’t quite understand why you of all people had been chosen. You readjust your clothing standing outside the entrance of their marui feeling your nerves eat you alive. You got dressed in your favorite outfit hoping to make a good impression. One more breath to steady your heart and you step inside.

Inside, there is an assortment of different fruits spread out and Ronal is inside with Tonowari. You sign your greeting to them both, “oel ngati kameie olo’eyktan, tsahik.” They smile warmly at you while Ronal approaches you.

“No need to be so formal. You are a part of the family now. Come, sit.” She leads you to the food and has you take a seat. You fidget in your spot not really being used to this softer side of her. Tonowari takes a seat in front of you.

“I am glad you chose to accept my offer.”

“Well, it is such an honor.” You say. Your body language is still tense and they can sense it. Tonowari gives Ronal a look and she nods at him understanding without any words. She picks up a piece of fruit and holds it to your lips. “Here, eat.” “Oh, thank you.” You open up and she places the piece into your mouth and you try to not think about the sensual way she holds her finger in your mouth when you close your lips. She pulls her finger out and hums in response.

“I understand that you are nervous, but please believe that I will be as gentle as I can with you.” Tonowari speaks gently to you. His build is mighty even for Metkayina, but he has very kind eyes and he his tone is soft. He can be commanding and stern when he needs to be, but right now, he comes across very docile.

Your cheeks get hot thinking about what is going to happen. “It’s just a little bit of an adjustment. Is it okay if I ask a question?” your head reflexively lowers feeling shy. Ronal uses her finger to lift your chin to face him. “Head high.”

“You may ask whatever you like.” “Why did you choose me?” Your voice is small and timid fearing you may offend them, but they both just smile at you.

“Well, there are a number of reasons” he starts.

“You are beautiful” Ronal continues next to you turning your face to look at her.

“You have a kind heart” Tonowari carries on as he moves closer to you.

“You are good with the children of the clan” Ronal rseumes.

“You are perfect.” Tonowari was now in front of you holding his face just inches in front of yours.

Your breathing gets heavy and your chest feels hot. “I think that now is probably a good time to make it official.” You swallow hard and just nod your head looking up at his eyes even though his were fixed on your lips.

He looks at Ronal and gives her a nod. She rises from her spot and takes her leave. “I will return once it is finished.”

The gravity of the situation finally settles in your core being left alone with Tonowari.

“We will need to properly prepare you before we begin. Lay back.” His hand pushes you lightly to lay on your back. He hooks his finger in your waistband and shimmies your loincloth down your legs. He gently spreads your legs open and the air feels cool against your heat, but your face is on fire. No one has ever seen this part of you and now your clan leader was staring it down intently.

You’re so lost in your own thoughts that you don’t even notice when he sinks his head down between your legs and swipes at your core with his tongue. “Ah!” the sound jumps from your mouth without any thought.

He keeps lapping at your clenching hole while it overflows with arousal. He looks up to watch your face and it feels so indecent, but it makes your body buzz with desire. His hands hold onto your thighs to keep them spread while he feasts on you. He gathers some of your slick on one of his fingers and traces it lightly around your entrance. He probes at your hole with the tip of his finger before pushing forward just to the first knuckle. The feeling is startling and your legs try to close, but he keeps them spread.

“Relax for me, tanhì.” His voice is soothing. You close your eyes and take deep breaths to hopefully calm your body. He pushes in as you breathe out. The feeling is unlike anything you’ve ever felt. You’re not even sure how to describe the feeling in your own mind. It’s uncomfortable at first, but then it feels like electricity. Before you know it, his finger is all the way inside of you. He slowly moves his hand in and out while he still sucks on your swollen clit.

Once your walls relax around his digit, he adds another. His fingers are so big, but the way they curl up inside of you has your head spinning and there’s a building tension in your core.

“Ah, Tonowari, s-something is happening!”

“Good. Let it happen. Just let go for me, little one. Let me take care of you.” Every word he breathes intensifies the tension in your core until it explodes with the force of a bomb. Your body trembles and he continues to finger fuck you through your release.

Finally, your body stops shaking and he sits up pulling his fingers out of you. He watches as your body shudders with the aftershock of your orgasm.

“I think you are ready for the real thing.”

Your breath gets caught in your throat when he lets his loincloth fall to the ground. He’s massive. You were almost positive that you weren’t going to be able to use your legs for quite some time.

[thelioncourts]

You may have answered this elsewhere, but what are some of your favorite Jam moments, either in videos or in print? :)

oh, god, there are so many. I'm going to forget all of them, but !

s1 interviews where they talked about texting each other pictures and sam had his photos on live and jacob thought it made him incredibly interesting and they would update each other as they got new fangs in the mail.

their zoom auditions that landed them the roles, the deciding factor really wasn't how they acted as lestat and louis, but how they interacted as themselves with one another.

their date to the vampire boutique to buy vampire things and they bought candles they were supposed to light together but sam, ever the forgetful husband, lit his way before jacob and jacob was Disappointed.

speaking of ever forgetful husband, the reddit q&a where jacob was like 'oh sam is trying to get into the writers room' like the husband that knows everything or when asked about their first scene and sam said one thing, then jacob corrected it, and sam commented back like 'oh yeah jacob is right.'

jacob's teeny tiny teasy pics of sam from sdcc 2022 before any of us knew just how much they were going to ruin us.

"most fulfilling partnership...cREATIVE partnership"

when they got out to the main sdcc 2022 panel and sam was so nervous and jacob gentle started rubbing his back and they looked at each other and sam put a hand on jacob's thigh and AHHH

sticker shop date

l.a. date where they went to universal

walks along the beach in san diego

meeting in the rehearsal room all masked up and whatnot

eric's "the only difference between these two and their characters is that I've never seen these two fight"

jacob saying that sam's hair is really cool when it's put up

sam on ep2 of the iwtv podcast saying that when he met jacob he knew it would be really easy to fall in love with him...

jacob's one interview where he said that the coffin was comfortable when there were two people in it and associating sam's bday with valentine's day

jacob crying as hard as he did during the s1 finale because not only was it the acting, but it was also the acknowledgement that he would be losing this with sam in some way

prague dinner dates every single night........

taking delainey paddleboating in prague

the entire s2 finale reunion and how the mics were cut so they could have that moment, how they didn't really discuss it, how they just know each other as they do and it was them, and it was real

the tv insider jenga game where jacob was like 'what's my favorite snack?' and asking sam and then going 'why am I asking you?' but sam still answered anyway

when they walked up to each other at the s2 premiere for the first time (don't talk to me about it)

the entire s2 premiere, I am not allowed to Speak

the 92ny screening and every teasing little interaction they had on that stage, GOD

the interview where they talked about their dinner in prague and sam chose it as his last meal if he could choose one, even though he didn't like the food that much, but --

how sam said that filming s1ep5 it was so hard to see jacob as he was but jacob tried to alleviate his problems with it and so they have fun videos of jacob spinning and also sam took home his prosthetic eye

the locket bailey made with both sam and jacob's pictures in it and she showed sam and he was like 'oH MY GOD CUTE'

seine river walk, my beloved

clubbing in paris that I'm legally not allowed to talk about

swapping contacts, like who does that, why

sam saying that there's no one he would rather be nude and bleeding with

the paleyfest 2022 interview where bailey was talking about how sweet they are and jacob made the CUTEST face and then was like 'sam. are we best friends?' in the most giggly way and sam was just. so fond, so 'yeah, we're best friends'

in jacob's interview with autumn where she was like 'I tried to get sam to sing when...' and jacob just. fully knowing 'he's not going to do that' in the most deadpan way

the s2 premiere cute interview clips where jacob just goes and lays down and stares at sam (?????)

jacob talking about (during s2) how grateful he was to film with sam and how it felt like home and it was comfortable

the video with delainey where they go through several of the episodes and analyze scenes and they spent way too long giggling about bdsm and just reminiscing

the way any and everyone talks about them, it's so not normal (compliment)

I'm sure there are hundreds more, I'll add to it as I think of things

[zarvasace]

I've been doing my hair in full, tight ponytails more often thanks to a new-ish custodial job, and recently discovered that the practice broke some of my hair around my face into wispy pusedo-bangs. I resolved to do more braids instead and complained about it to my sister.

"Well," she said, "that's just a Long Hair Experience (TM)." (I'm paraphrasing, she doesn't speak like a meme.) At the time, I replied with "yeah, I guess" but after thinking about it, I think I would say something different.

I do a lot of things every day: fail to get out of bed on time, get dressed, figure out how to do my makeup for maximum impact and minimum fuss, make food, buy food, decide what to spend my time on... A lot. I don't call myself very busy, but I do fill my days with things I consider fairly important.

A message I hear over and over again is that what I do is "enough." As a visual artist, I recently got into a conversation with another artist about how I posted something they found very good and I'm not allowed to talk about how I don't think I'm very good anymore. I think there's truth in sentiments like that—what is "enough," anyway? You do need to be happy with your work. You need to enjoy what you do.

Still, that conversation left a bad taste in my mouth. I like what I make, but I want to be better. What I do might be fine. I can be satisfied with that, and not just in art, but I also... don't have to be.

I choose to be satisfied in a lot of things. I don't really work to improve my music skills because I can do what I want with what I have. I don't look up videos about how to be a better driver or a better cook. I don't worry about the zipper of my combat boots rubbing into my long socks, because I decided to not stress about it. I do consciously try to improve my art and writing skills, though, because I'm not satisfied with where they are.

In the same way, I'm always finding little things in my life to do more efficiently or with more precision. I changed my handwriting because I didn't like it. I decided to pronounce my Ss a little differently. I'm currently making an effort to wear more tights because I like them.

People often tell me that I (or my work or whatever) am enough, and I only disagree because "enough" is a flawed concept. In the spirit of the encouragement, I do agree. I can be happy where I am, with the skills and habits I have. But, like I said, I don't have to be. If I don't like something I do, I can change it. I don't have to settle for any reason.

I guess the point is: you can do just as much as you want. Happy with your stick figures? I'm glad! You go! Unhappy with them (as everyone tells me they are when they see a drawing of mine they're impressed with)? You can learn to do better, if you want to!

In my case, I don't like the little wispy bangs. Sure, it's a Long Hair Hazard, but I don't have to be satisfied with that. I don't like them, I can do something different. It doesn't have to be dramatic. I like my life overall—at least the things I can control—and I'm pretty sure it's because I've made a lot of little decisions to improve it in ways I care about. I think I've figured out that I can control a lot about my daily life, and I'm happier because of it. :) I'm going to keep doing more braids in my hair.

TL;DR: You get to decide how good you are at something. You can keep improving or stop where you are, and either is valid. You get to decide what's important to you. Don't listen to haters.

[hallucinateonpaperspines]

How do you think cybertronian society would react (pre war) to ashlyn like unleashed on their planet, because personally I think that would be hilarious and also terrifying. Do I ask this mainly because the thought of young D-16 and either current story Ashlyn or pre story Ashlyn interacting is both terrifying and interesting? Yes.

Honestly, it could go so many different ways, *evil cackle*

Speaking of the new movie, is everybody else hyped? CAUSE I AM SO EXCITED! FINALLY, we are getting a fun animated Transformers film ヾ(*´ ∇ `)ﾉ

I saw that cross-eye megatron reference from Bumblebee, tfp anyone?

ᕕ(⌐■_■)ᕗ ♪♬

ehem, happy dance aside, here's what I think a Golden Age Ashlyn would have been like...

Presuming that she fell into this situation as a Human things get awkward very quickly. Organics aren't very well received on Cybertron nevermind how their products are luxury goods apparently

Running through the streets, ducking under vendor stalls, and darting between peds like a literal street rat, Ashlyn is very very confused on what the utter frag happened to her.

Unfortunately, as an organic alien lifeform, especially as one that is currently undiscovered, she is VERY distinctive. Her small size helps her a bit with sneaking, but eventually, it becomes common knowledge that a weird creature is hanging around. It doesn't help that her need for breathable air severely restricts potential roaming areas, and only a handful of stores/merchants carry edible food items.

Already making a name for herself as a pest... in a surprisingly literal sense.

When she's eventually spotted and caught by a Cybe with particularly good reflexes, Ash is forced to come up with something fast so she doesn't get squished. By now, you all know where her self-defense tendencies tend to point to.

On the plus side, the twerp survived. On the negative, he's going to need a new servo since the wiring that articulates his digits is beyond saving. Also, a small feral organic that goes for joints is apparently entertainment enough for these people. Welcome to the mini and illegal gladiator battles, Ashlyn! The unregulated leagues for those who can't afford to go watch the real thing.

Look at her go, gaining all the XP fighting alien bugs and other mini-bosses.

Of course, 3 things occurred during this time period. 1) Ashlyn is actually picking up on Neocybex and proving surprisingly adept at it. 2) She's starting to gain a legitimate reputation and doing Humans Are Space Orcs proud via creative/brutal takedowns of her opponents, and biological features that can be terrifying to an alien. 3) Someone in Iacon has quietly been looking for a creature resembling her specifications, but due to the fact that Ashlyn is in Kaon and an asset of an illegal fighting ring, she is unidentifiable.

Of course when Ashlyn finally gains enough of an affinity for Neocybex, (with a very thick kaon accent) she wants to wait to reveal her sentience until it's at a point where she can't be knocked off or ignored. That plan does not last. No.

Because Ashlyn Moore, covered in robot gore, looks up one day to see a very familiar outline.

"ɎØɄ"

D-16, for his part, is very confused as to why the little alien just looked at him and started chittering like a sparkling while shaking.

The crowd is in an uproar.

See humans do look very similar in structure to a basic Cybertronain model. Even more so when you compare it to a sparkling model which is squishy. eh, Unicron connection?

The point is, an unidentified, kinda sparkling-ish thing, that sounds like sparkling, has also just fulfilled one of the oldest Sparkling-Guardian rituals of choosing an adult to protect them. Look at ze adult, go to ze adult, don't let ze adult leave without you.

Ashlyn might not have had such... noble intentions when she launched herself at D-16 while rambling, but such is the beauty of cultural miscommunications. And dehydration and malnourishment. And an almost chronically activated stress response. You get situations like these!

"ɎØɄ!-гЅ₮₳₭Ɇ ₴Ø₥Ɇ ⱤɆ₴₱Ø₦₴ł฿łⱠł₮Ɏ! …-₣Ɽ₳₲ł₦₲ ฿Ʉ₲₴ ł'VɆ ₭łⱠⱠɆĐ?"

Ashlyn is only half understandable in this state, but it's fine. D-16, and soon all of Kaon understands perfectly.

A scrappy deformed sparkling, likely originating from an unidentified hot spot, beat the odds and has chosen an ex-miner and soon full-time gladiator to be her sire/mentor. What a spark-warming story.

Oh yeah, and someone in Iacon is still hunting that human.

The end result would probably culminate in an overly suspicious Ashlyn accidentally causing a chain reaction that would lead to a Decepticon Orion Pax, a proper coup of the High Council, probably Emperor of Destruction Starscream, and Big Villian Shockwave. The Autobots would not exist. Does anyone want to try and theorize why?

D-16 would realize pretty quick that this tiny bundle of chaos isn't an actual sparkling, but it's an argument he'd use to keep her should any outside influences try and take Ashlyn away. Why? Because a highly intelligent and vicious mystery just dropped into his lap, and someone on the Council wants it really badly. That's more than enough of a justification.

Now, if only he could find out why the organic hates him so much... and why she's so valuable.

Now Ashlyn as a bot would be VERRRRRY different.

Same as the first, she pops up in Kaon (may or may not be a narrative reason for that (・ω<) )

Unlike the human version, the poor girl is caught almost immediately.

Turns out, stumbling around a foreign area, being unable to speak the language, and lacking identification doesn't get you the best treatment. Unfortunately, her more bestial-looking design doesn't help much either in a Functionist society.

Actually, the Enforcers processing her are pretty confused by it, the wings and taloned servos say Seeker, but the spines and fanged denta hint at something else completely... and the subject refuses, or is unable to, transform into an altmode...

Oh well, can't put it in a category, and then toss it out.

Flagging the weirdness for the bosses to deal with, the anomaly is sent to the mines, and a record containing her image and newly given designation is sent to the higher offices. YN-013 is soon forgotten.

Ashlyn, by the time she figures out written translations for Neocybex, finds the designation hilarious. Her fellow miners don't understand why she giggles when she introduces herself.

The mines are horrible, that much is undeniable, but at the same time, Ashlyn can't help but feel like it should be worse?

Her form proves adept at collecting energon, her claws far more efficient than the half-rusted pick-axe she's handed every day. The energon is easy to find too, almost like there's a sixth sense in her brain for where those shards are hiding.

She doesn't realize that the tunnels she's stationed in quickly gain a reputation for being more productive. That her peers end their days not quite as run down anymore. That miners switch shifts and bribe to be in the same branch of tunnels. She's quickly become an omen of good luck and temporary revival.

Ashlyn also doesn't realize that someone in Iacon is tearing through every rumor on Cyberton looking for her... or the organic her.

D-16 hears rumors about the newest unfortunate spark that's been sent to join them in the dark, but he doesn't believe it. Not until he sees it.

There is something about this individual that's different, maybe the stories are true. Solus reforged, perhaps? The missing Thirteenth? Or is this a new prime, come to save them and bring Cybertron back to its glory.

Ashlyn for her part is vibing collecting pretty rocks, and would prefer the future genocidal maniac to stay far away from her, please.

The not-yet-future-genocidal-maniac does not leave. Instead, he talks.

D-16 is actually the one that teaches her proper Neocybex, not the fragmented version she's been getting by with. In return, she tells him what the surface was like for the brief bit of time she was there.

Over time, the strange happenings around YA-013 are normalized and forgotten, but not by D-16. He knows she is not just some wild-forged thing that had the bad to stumble into the wrong city-state. He knows that she can't just be some bestial new-forged, because her optics are far too aware, too knowing. She hesitates, as though shuffling through information when she speaks. The alien babble she talks to herself in, while basic, is too natural to be anything but a primary language. Her smiles are sad even if the laughter is easy. She says things, and calls him Bucket Head, and Mega-arse.

She already knows who his favorite Prime is.

YN-013 never comments when he explains his plans to become a gladiator and gain his freedom. But he can feel the judgment. The resignation. Like she already knew. "Forget about me when you become one of the most famous bots to walk on Cybertron, yeah? Little old me will be nothing compared to the masses that'll scream your name."

YN-013 never talked about her own future, not in a way that sounds lasting. "I'd like to sightsee while I can. Never know when city walls will go tumbling down."

Megatronus doesn't forget her. Not in the Pits as he battles against foes and realizes how much healthier his frame is compared to his opponents, how much stronger, despite them all feeding off the same scraps. He doesn't forget as he meets an Archivist and hears all the snide jokes about his type being "boys in red and blue. Sweet nerds that take forever to commit to ending you."

Orion Pax, quickly becomes a close friend. Megatron never comments on his paint job. He's yet to see Pax exhibit anything but an agreeable and slightly excitable disposition... but he can't help but hold back even as he chides his own superstition.

"I don't think you'll have much luck in the friend department, Bucket. "

Why had he never gone back for her? Why had she never joined him in the arena?

"That's your origin story, D, and I'd hate to incinerate your undefeated record."

Megatron doesn't forget the stranger hidden in the mines. Not when he meets Orion's mentor, not when he stands before the Council, not as every veiled barb, sorrowful mutter, or hidden revelation comes true.

Even when he goes back for her and finds her gone, the Warlord never forgets the seer of the mines.

YN-013 had never realized, that just as D-16 had taught her a language, so too had she taught him hers. Every private word, every thoughtless exclamation, he remembered.

No, that unfortunate spark in the mines was not a wild-forged femme with bad luck. She was not a prime, remade, or replace. She was something different. A puzzle, a friend, an asset.

Lord Megatron, leader of the Decepticons, never forgot.

So how strange was it, to find a planet that spoke that same tongue?

The Autobots seek a relic and the Decepticons search for a seer. Optimus inherits a charge that can only be fulfilled through a missing person and Megatron wants closure to the fate and identity of someone he might've considered a friend.

Ashlyn struggles with guilt over choosing to not change the timeline and has been hiding on Earth since the last few centuries of the war. She's spawned more than a few stories in her wanderings, triggered some changes she never realized. A shifter who went rogue after a drunken conversation at a bar and never swore his loyalty. Bartering fuel with an Autobot vessel, allowing the Ark to avoid Decepticon Scouts and remain unharmed. A Prime who learned the truth about his predecessors early, and resolved to do more than simply restore his planet to what it used to be.

Ashlyn can't hide from the plot forever. War or not, things have changed, and now she's part of that story.

[fangirling-heart]

It's a first for me and quite honestly I am pretty nervous but...

I'm making a post about my OCs!!!

Yay!!! 🎉

And since I can't draw to save my life, I used this picrew to present them, one of them you might recognize since I have introduced him in a tag game. Anyway here they are:

Starting with the familiar one, the 17 year old Achilles. He's the protagonist of an original story I'm working on and simply put, he's not okay. He lives with an emotionally and physically abusive father and a neglectful mother who cares more about her husband and their image than her son, and they both put a lot of pressure on him to be perfect in every way and also make sure he doesn't ruin the family's image in any way (a big part of which is hiding the signs of his father's abuse). In terms of a support system, he doesn't really have one since breaking up with his girlfriend, Ange, who also happens to be/have been his best friend, and his one other friend is...not that great. His only solace comes from reading and photography (and poetry but he would never admit it), but when even that isn't enough, his mind ends up in a really dark place and he tries something drastic. But thanks to a certain someone's intervention, he doesn't go through with it and as much as he (claims he) doesn't want to, he has to learn how to live again... in more ways than one.

Birthday: March 5

Sign: Pisces

Sexuality: Biromantic asexual

Likes: Photography, poetry, reading, watching and commenting movies, playing video games, rain, junk food, heights, dancing, history, mystery novels, Linkin Park (Ange constantly teases him for it), comics, rom-coms (when they aren't too cliché), motorcycles

Dislikes: His parents (his father especially), school, most sports, heat, having his privacy violated, being made fun of for his interests, big crowds, expectations, loneliness

The special someone I mentioned before. This is Ephraim, the reason Achilles stays alive and the one person he cannot shut out (both much to his dismay). The reason for that and the reason he appears wearing the same clothes as Achilles is because, after the event that saved the latter's life, the two of them end up sharing a body. Simply put, Ephraim is a ghost that possesses him. He can get control of his body and speak in his thoughts, but his actual appearance is visible only in reflective surfaces and luckily for them both not all the time, just when Ephraim chooses to surface. He possesses Achilles, thinking the two would be able to trade places, but instead he basically just hitches a ride in his body and his life. As for the reason he wished to possess him in the first place, he did it because he wants a chance to live again but most of all to find out what happened to his boyfriend, Mario, from whom he got violently separated before he died. And while he sees Achilles as a means to his ends at first, the two form a genuine bond over time.

Birthday: August 1

Sign: Leo

Sexuality: Gay

Likes: Nature, sunny days, ice cream, driving, fire, rain, shadow puppetry, learning new things, music, dogs, hugs, Achilles' poetry and photos, messing with asshole authority figures, spicy food

Dislikes: Being confined, being bossed around, talking about his death, homophobes and assholes in general, people making fun of Achilles, having to wait, ghost stories (he finds the way ghosts are portrayed offensive and unimaginative), feeling helpless, cold

And last one (for now). Ange (short for Angelica) is Achilles' ex girlfriend and best friend since childhood. Growing up the two were always together (the fact that they lived in the same building and shared a love for cinema and cameras helped with that) and long before they got together it was clear to everyone there were sparks flying between them. They were a classic childhood friends to lovers story, but after 2 years of dating, when Ange realized they both wanted and needed very different things from a relationship, as much as it hurt them both, she broke up with Achilles and the two haven't really spoken since, due to it being too awkward and painful. Though her homelife isn't as bad as Achilles' and she has other friends besides him, since the two broke up she has also been feeling very lonely and missing him, but doesn't dare to approach him, because she hates herself for hurting him and thinks he hates her too. It isn't until Ephraim comes along that they start kinda talking again (due to him pretty much forcing Achilles to talk to her).

Birthday: March 22

Sign: Aries

Sexuality: Straight or bisexual, I'm still figuring this out

Likes: Watching and commenting on movies, photography, making videos, directing, cinematography, animation, cake, dark humor, amusement parks, sunsets, puzzles, baggy clothes, late night walks, strawberries

Dislikes: Fake people, being underestimated, being judged, loneliness, people making fun of her work, makeup, gossip, visiting her grandparents, puppets

[amysubmits]

Hi Amy, I really like your blog and love reading about your experience. But sometimes your experience sound more like vanilla than Ds. I am happy you have carrying husband who look after you, but do you think that in normal relationship husband don't care about his wife or remind her about medicine or her food choice or get angry when she didn't take care herself.

You may need to try normal relationships and you will find whatever you are writing everything are there. If in a normal sex they spank, pull hair and etc.

Even in normal relationship sometime male dominate and make most of decision. But we can't call it Ds.

I am sorry. I just like to read more Ds versions of your experience. Rough sex isn't Ds. Just carrying about each other isn't Ds.

If you don't use ropes, chains, collar and rules what's point. It's like going in theme party wearing pretty dress and come back and tell your friends, oh we went to those party we are fun. Common just write something that sound Ds or just re-evaluate your relationship.

Is it really there or it's just in your mind?

I'm not sure if you were trying to disguise yourself as kind to me, or if you were trying to trick yourself into believing that you weren't being nasty so you can sleep tonight? Either way, beginning your ask by complimenting me doesn't make the rest of it acceptable.

I'm choosing to ignore that and try to answer although after speaking to me this way you really don't deserve my time. I'm choosing to reply because one of my weak spots is, I hate being misunderstood.

There are (or at least used to be) plenty of tumblr D/s blogs that only share blatant D/s experiences - the really intense, rough stuff. I primarily follow other blogs who write about their ordinary D/s experiences, I'm annoyed by edgelord BDSM people so I don't know for sure, but I have to imagine you can find that content out there if that's what you want. You won't find it on my blog.

I made a decision pretty early on with this blog that I didn't want to only share the "obviously D/s-y" stuff. My goal was to show a whole relationship, not just the intense D/s parts.

Of course, my relationship is just one way of doing D/s. Part of my D/s style with my partner is, we like feeling like normal people for the most part. We like low protocol, especially with language. He asks me to do things, I ask him if he 'minds' if I do things - but I know when he makes requests when they are actual requests and when they're orders. He knows when I ask what he thinks on something, that I'm seeking permission. We feel the power exchange with ordinary language.

More than that, all D/s relationships have moments that don't look D/s. My personal view is that the blogs that choose to only share the intense BDSM stuff can sometimes paint a picture that D/s is supposed to be ALL about kink and power exchange. That their whole world revolves around cuffs, plugs and paddles. That isn't what makes up anyone's whole life, though.

So, yes, I share moments that aren't oozing with intense D/s. That's on purpose! No blog can ever share someone's whole life, it's always going to be edited or curated some. But I intentionally try to share some sexy moments, some funny moments, some sweet moments, some intense power exchange moments, and so on. I try to show that our 24/7 D/s is lots of things. Much of my D/s is subtle. I have never pretended to be into extreme BDSM or extreme D/s either one. "This is just how we love each other while living pretty ordinary lives." is literally part of my bio.

My view is that most terms related to kink or BDSM are largely made up. If you asked 100 people where D/s ends and vanilla begins, you'd likely get 100 different answers.

It doesn't make any difference to me or my life if you define D/s in some way that means I am not included in that definition. I'm not sure why you think your definition of D/s is one that all others should be held to?

I get the sense that you think that if something is common or "normal" then it can't be D/s. I just completely disagree with that. I don't think D/s has to be rare or "alternative lifestyle" to be D/s. I don't think what makes a relationship D/s is about who makes most of the decisions. I think there are some relationships were one person (of any gender, for the record) makes most of the decisions but I wouldn't see the relationship as D/s. In fact, a lot of abusive relationships can involve one person making a lot of decisions, and those aren't D/s. Boss/employee relationships and parent/child relationships also follow that model, but that's just how the world we live in works. It doesn't make those D/s relationships. They're just relationships with power imbalances. To me, whether a relationship with a leader and a follower is D/s or not is all about if you've both enthusiastically agreed to who leads and who follows.

You seem to think my relationship exclusively involves rough sex and caring for each other. That isn't the case. I have rules, expectations, protocols, etc. However, I still just disagree with you about those things being essential for D/s. I think D/s can be as simple as two people agreeing that one is 'the leader' and the other is 'the follower' and them choosing to exchange power. It doesn't have to be rules or whips or chains or anything in particular.

Even as far as kink goes, I don't think what makes something BDSM (or D/s) isn't as simple as what the act includes. To me D/s is power exchange, and most any sort of sex acto or kink can be done within power exchange, or it could be done without power exchange. Rough sex, oral sex, spanking, bondage, etc included. I can have soft, gentle sex that includes power exchange.

If you disagree or this doesn't make sense to you, that's fine, but you have no business telling me what to do with my blog, or how to identify my relationship.

[aita-blorbos]

(This is for a roleplay with a few friends, same roleplay as a different ask sent, so that’ll be interesting)

AITA for killing my friend (male, older than me, I don’t know by how much, adult?)?

I (female, adult?) really don’t think I am, because I’m not, but I’m being forced to write this, so here we go.

Long story short, I shoved my friend off the top of the stairs, but he quite literally asked me to kill him.

It’s honestly very simple, but I suppose that I have to provide context.

My friend is evil. So am I. That’s the defining point of our friendship. And it’s not some sort of perception thing, he has blatantly admitted that he is evil. He also happens to have this “good” roommate (mspec, male/nonbinary, older than both of us, adult?) who is ridiculously naïve.

Somehow, while being trapped in a household with these idiots, they managed to get into an argument over whether cereal is a smoothie, something that isn’t even worth arguing over. God has decreed that a cat is a taco, so food categorization doesn’t seem to matter that much. And after this completely inane discussion, my friend’s roommate decides to annoy my friend, and ends up poking fun at his, well, it’s not necessarily a speech impediment so much as style in which he speaks, but that’s still heavily rude. I asked my friend if he wanted to do away with this guy, and he agrees. I wouldn’t have done anything had he not agreed.

I lay a trap, which requires consent of the person being murdered. They step into the trap, and stay in the trap. It is a known fact that I am evil, I have said that before, the people there know what I am. And they choose to watch, none interfering, including the friend. One even hands me a knife. So then I kill this guy so he doesn’t hurt anyone else. But then my friend freaks out, which is weird, when he literally asked me to do this, but I give him time and space to mope, because maybe he’s in shock. And no one else really cares that much about the death anyway, so it’s not like I did anything grievous.

Unfortunately the guy came back as a ghost, but my friend couldn’t see him, which is good because he doesn’t need toxic influences in his life. (If only the roommate would change and stop manipulating people.)

Eventually my friend gets out of his funk and decides to do evil stuff with me, arson, breaking and entering, just some small stuff. I let him direct what we did, because I wanted him to feel supported and in charge. I didn’t make him do anything, he planned it or agreed. There was no coercion whatsoever. Honestly most of it was me following his demands. I wanted to give him a distraction from his sadness, even though I had a concussion (different story, very irrelevant).

Someone else (non-binary, adult?, younger) walks in on us while we’re breaking and entering, and drops some important information about my friend, namely that he sleeptalks and has been apologizing to his former roommate and current manipulator, so naturally I pull him aside to talk about this. You can’t recover if you bury your feelings, so I wanted to give him a chance to process them.

And instead he starts screaming at me about how he misses his roommate and how we were wrong to do anything and how bad everything is. And then he shifts and blames me for everything, for something he asked me to do. I try to set the record straight, and he suddenly decides that we aren’t friends, and he’d rather be nothing than have a platonic bond with me, and that a dead guy who hurt him matters more than someone who has been his friend since forever.

Admittedly I may have overreacted and started screaming, but admittedly he was the only person I was close to, especially because the manipulator had likely pushed people away from me. They acted differently than they used to. They acted the same way before his death as they did after his death, but after he came back, they started changing, and I don’t know what lies he fed them, but apparently they were warping everyone’s perceptions. And it turns out that later my work was for nothing because somehow my friend can see his ghost roommate again, who manipulates him too, which is likely what triggered this whole thing.

I didn’t want to lose the one person I may have had left. So I got a little heated and eventually yelled that maybe I should kill him so he could be with the person who apparently somehow became his new best friend. And he agrees, says I should, that he wants it, that he actually wishes it would happen, but that I probably don’t have the guts to do it.

And we were at the top of the stairs and I was still emotional, so not really realizing what I was doing, I pushed him. And he fell, and he died. And I wish I hadn’t done it, but again, he asked for it.

And it’s not that his death was permanent, he came back. He came back and now he’s happy with his roommate and no one hates him for the roommate’s death but they all hate me for both of their deaths when that’s what I was asked to do, and isn’t it unfair? My friend hates me for his death, something he literally asked for. Everyone treats me like this horrible person, this villain, but that’s not what happened! They’re hypocrites who don’t recognize their own flaws, they just look for an easy target and hate them instead of actually thinking.

I’m not a horrible person. I was doing my best. I don’t know why no one else sees that.

[jedi-bird]

Welcome to the wonderful world of birdy's opinions on yarn post. This particular post will only deal with 100% cotton yarn from various companies, in both cake and skein form.

A few disclaimers to start. I am in no way or shape being compensated to talk about these things; I'm just very opinionated about certain things. This post will only be dealing with cotton yarns; I have nothing against the use of acrylic yarns, but because of skin sensitivity I can't wear anything made out of acrylic, wool, or alpaca, so I'm using mostly cotton at the moment. Also, I only know how to crochet; I've tried to learn to knit and keep failing, so if you knit you might find very different experiences with all of these.

So. Let's talk yarn.

The above are only a fraction of what I currently have to use; I have at least 8 more brands of cotton, cotton/silk blend, and bamboo blend yarn to test out. At some point, after I have worked with them, I'll make an additional post (don't expect it for a while though).

First up, Dahlia, Dahlia Halloween (limited edition), Cotton Kings Sultan, Cotton Kings Sultan Shadow, and Black Friday yarn. I'm including all of these in one list because they are basically the same yarn under different brand names being sold by Hobbii. They all have the same yardage (800m/874yards), but each come in vastly different color lines.

Both Black Friday and Dahlia Halloween are limited releases each year and will be available until they sell out. Some color schemes don't return each year, which is a bit sad, so order early if you want something specific. The rest are available year round and are only subject to being out of stock at times. Sultan Shadow will always have black as it's outer color; there is another line called Sultan Pastello that has white instead of the black, but I currently don't own any of them.

All of these yarns are four strands that are not twisted together. Some people have difficulty with this, so the advice is to thread the yarn through a bead to keep them close together while working with it; I've never had an issue and haven't tried this method though so I can't speak for it. The color change is fairly subtly, but not completely even. Unlike their counter part Sultan Deluxe, these will skip parts of the color change. Each change is fairly even though, and it works up quite soft. Should definitely be used with a yarn bowl or in a container, as they are prone to collapsing and tangling as more yarn is pulled from the center (I use an old plastic food container because it works just fine for now). Weight is listed as a 2/Fine.

My rating: 9.5/10. I just wish the cake were a bit longer, but overall I've liked them for shawls and wraps.

Next up is Cotton Kings Sultan Deluxe, also from Hobbii.

As with the above, there are a lot of color combinations to choose from. These cakes tend to be bigger (1000m/1093yards), which I prefer. The strands are twisted together, which makes it easier to work with. It's also very soft straight from the skein and works to quite nice. The color changes are much more subtle and makes a great ombre or rainbow effect. There is also a version that comes with a metallic thread twisted into it to give it a subtle shine. Yarn bowl is also recommended for this. Weight is listed as a 2/Fine, which seems accurate.

My rating: 10/10. This is my preferred yarn at the moment. Lovely for blankets and shawls, and someday I plan to make a coat for myself out of a horded color I've buried in my yarn storage shelf.

Next on the list, Yarn Arts Rosegarden.

I'll be honest. I hated this yarn the first time I worked with it. It's thinner than Sultan Deluxe and far more prone to splitting, which frustrated me at first. However, I did grow to like it and enjoyed working with the purple and pink cakes, so the odds of my buying it again increased after the second project. The color changes are not as subtle as the Dahlia and others; it's a bit more abrupt, but still works up nice over a large project. It's very soft right at the start, which is a plus. In terms of length it's the same as Sultan Deluxe, and it does have the benefit of being available through Amazon if that's easier for you; it's also generally cheaper than Sultan Deluxe, as far as I've seen.

My rating: 8/10. Like I said, it grew on me and my rating might go up the more I work with it. Made nice blankets, though I've yet to try other things with it.

Now onto Etrofil Re-Public.

I wanted to hate this yarn when I first got it. Compared to all the others, it was pretty rough feeling in skein form; I wound up loving it the longer I worked it with and ordered several more skeins in various colors before I finished the cardigan I was making. It's made from 100% recycled cotton, which is nice. It does feel pretty stiff at the start, but in the course of working with it, it soften up the more it rubbed against things; I'm sure after washing it, it will be nicer still. There was no weight listed on the wrapper, but according to Amazon it's listed as a 1/Fingering weight. This is a lie. It is much closer to a 4/Worsted weight, which is good because I've been struggling to find a 4 weight cotton yarn I like. Color change is less subtle but I had no problems with splitting so it worked out fine.

My rating: 9.5/10. Only downside is that most of the colors at sold out on Amazon and don't seem like they'll come back in any time soon.

The last random color changing yarn I've tried lately is Candy from Stenli.

This will be the last picture added to this post, because mobile apparently hit it's limit. So. Anyway. Candy. Fairly soft straight away. Color changes are not subtle; it's a bit blockier and more noticeable when it changes. Claims to be a 2 weight but is also closer to a 4. I liked working with this one, except for the fact that it's only 900m per skein. And I can no longer find it online easily, so once I use the final skein I'm probably done with the brand.

My rating: 8/10. Made a nice shawl, just wish it was longer in yardage.

The following deal with mostly solid color cottom yarns, which for me are more suitable for amigurumi and decorative granny squares.

Bernat CottonTots. I honestly hate this yarn, lol. It's loosely wound with only a thin string around the strand and if you pull on it too hard it tends to rip (so it's not suitable for sewing amigurumi pieces together). It does seem pretty strong once it's crocheted together but getting there irritates me. It's also got a texture that I don't enjoy but only I seem to notice. I'm only using this because I had some from years ago that I want to use up, but the odds of me buying it again is low.

My rating: 2/10

Lion Brand 24/7 Cotton. This one is a mercerized cotton. It is fairly strong but works up stiff unless you use a larger hook. I've made a few amigurumi with it and it's... okay. My personal experience is that the colors are not the same in real life as on their website; I've started looking at it at Joann's in person to get an idea of the true color and then ordering it from the Lion Brand website because it's cheaper that way. I'm thinking it will make nice clothes than toys, so that's my next experiment with it. Weight is a 4/Medium/Worsted, which is accurate.

My rating: 6/10. I don't think I'm a big fan of mercerized yarn but we'll see.

Hobbii Rainbow cotton. So this one is interesting. There are three types of Rainbow yarn. 8/4, 8/6, 8/8. I mostly use 8/8, which is listed as a 3/Sport weight, but is close enough to a 4 weight that is blends in nicely. Lots of colors to choose from and Hobbii offers a discount for buying in bulk as well as offering color packs. Works up quite nice, soft, and strong. Only downside is the 8/8 only has 75m/82yards per tiny skein. There are occasionally cones with longer yardage available, but for the best color selection go with the small skeins.

(Currently there is a new brand from Hobbii called the Friends line. I haven't tried it yet, but it promises to be the same color across all is various yarn types (as much as possible). I'm hoping it won't replace Rainbow because I love the color selection and no other brand offers the same range.)

My rating: 10/10

As an added bonus, the Hobbii brands, Etrolfil Re-Public, and Candy all come with easy start tags (Hobbii and Etrofil use stickers, Candy came with a wooden charm). I love easy start yarn. It definitely lessens the chance of a yarn barf.

If anyone want to know more about a specific listed yarn in the post, feel free to ask and I'll make a separate post with more photos about it. As I said at the start, all of this is merely my own opinion and your experiences may vary. Hopefully someone finds this informative or at least entertaining. Have a great time creating lovely fiber arts projects and feel free to share them.

Tagging @not-available-for-comment . If anyone else wants to be tagged in future posts, feel free to ask.

[bennet-the-official-supermarket]

Ayooo bestie! I saw that u were bored and thats SUCH a vibe so i was like why the flip not just reach out and be like heyyyyy so thats what this is. But just being like heyyyyy doesn’t give you much to do. Sooooo answer these 5 questions

Would you rather have your favorite book series/tv show/movie removed from the earth and your the only one who remembers it, or you favorite character(s) get removed from that book series/tv show/movie and your the only one who remembers them

If you were a food what would you be and why

Who would win, all the Beatles fans WHILE THEY WERE STILL ALIVE at the height of their fame or the swifties (if ur a Beatles fan who was a round to see them at the height of their fame AND a swifty you get split in half and have to fight yourself)

What is the best. Out of anything. Ever.

Do you need me to send more of these or is your boredom cured

Oh my gods, thank you so much for this! I really appreciate it!

I have to say, I think nobody else remembering that series or TV show would be really sad, because then I could not ever discuss it with them. As much as I hate to say this, considering as I think I would doom either Annabeth Chase or Chloe Decker, I could not possibly choose for nobody else to remember the series. That is a really difficult question, though.

2. I don't know why, but my first thought was 'fruit and vegetables! So fresh and nice! Absolutely!'. In light of that, I would probably go for either fennels or figs. If I had to choose simply one of them, I would choose figs, because I hate the texture of fennels when they are cooked, and I also love making jam out of figs, so I would be fine with giving that much joy to somebody else. Can you tell that I am people-pleaser and a push-over?

3. Oh my gods, that is a really interesting question. I feel like, in our modern society, Taylor Swift might be more popular because she possibly has more relatable lyrics that people would consider to be more profound. However, I think in the height of their fame, the Beatles probably had a lot of die-hard fans who really appreciated their music. Moreover, I dare say one huge difference in the fame of Taylor Swift and the Beatles is that Taylor Swift evidently has access to social media platforms and that her music can be heard and advertised on Spotify, which was something that did not exist in the time of the Beatles, so I think the Beatles would realistically have won back in the day.

4. I think one of the best feelings in the world is when another person is fully willing to listen, without judging or thinking that the person speaking is 'adorable' or 'cute' for speaking passionately about something that they are interested in.

5. Yes, please do. This was really fun and stimulating! I really appreciate it!

[yinn]

˗ˏˋ ꒰ 🍄 ꒱ ˎˊ˗ Goals

Summary: My goals in life, You can read this so it can inspire you to write your goals just know you don't need to plan everything in your life out and it doesn't have to be perfect. 🥀 ˚

1. What have you wanted to do but were afraid to try?

It would be to learn and speak Russian, I have been wanting to ever since I was a kid. I love the way it sounds the words are so thick and sharp. I am going to work toward this goal and start to study the words and how to write them.

2. Where do I want to be in 5 (or 10) years?

I want to be happy, I would like a decent job for my age starting doing the things I like more instead of thinking about what others think. I would be more into spirituality than I am now, I would want a more clean and fruit-based diet and actual food, not the fake food the US government is currently giving us.

 3. What do I want to accomplish this year?

To get my nails done dye my hair get a different carpet for my room do a 4-month shift (DR), Get into my dream school, and start focusing on my writing I want to be surrounded by new friends that I can trust and have similar goals... And start dressing the ways that match my aesthetic.

4. If you only had 6 months to live, what would you do and how would you live?

I would share kind words every day, I would kill people with kindness even if they continued to be rude and let people know that they matter. Try to make the world a better place before I leave I would say sorry for the things that I have done that people can't forgive me for...

5. If you won $1,000,000 with no strings attached, how would you spend/use it?

I would spend it on clothes, of course, the prettiest things !! also food because I'm a foodie I would give most of it to my parents since I love them a lot and would help me with budgeting.I would show rich people how to dress because for some reason 2024 fashion is straight-up trash...

6. If you were granted 3 wishes, guaranteed to never fail, to be successful in whatever you choose, what would you choose?

To be happy :) That's all I want !!

[cephalog0d]

"He could smell something warm and full of aromatic spices, which was a good sign nothing had gone disastrously wrong. The door was mostly closed and Damian had music playing, so Bruce couldn’t make out any individual words, but he could faintly hear Damian speaking in Arabic. He caught an exasperated exclamation of “Mother”, followed by slightly tinny laughter from Talia over the phone, but it was much more performative than genuinely distressed, so he decided to leave them to it."

I was finally reading Comfort Food and this paragraph grabbed me by the throat!!! Like adult Damian calling him mom just to cook for his baby brother and they're having a fun/pleasant time?? I NEED the DVD commentary

Biggest Brother Damian does all sorts of little nice and helpful things for his siblings but if you make a big deal about it and call it out he gets real awkward. XD He's like a brownie, he can only do nice things if no one's calling attention to it. (That's mostly a joke, but a little bit true that he's a lot better at actions than words. He is, in some ways, his father's son and not so great at the whole "using your words to express affection" thing, so he just does stuff for them instead. Like making soup! Because feeding people is a great way to show you care without actually having to talk about it much! See also: Damian throwing a granola bar directly at Tim's face when he's been on the computer too long without a break, because they get along better now but they don't get along that well.)

I was thinking about the fact that Dick's life has been totally upended, and how beyond losing his parents he's also lost a whole slew of other things that were familiar and comforting, and then thinking about parallels there with Damian having to adjust to living in Gotham/with Bruce (compared to Tim and Jason who were at least from Gotham already; Cass has her own complicated relationship with her childhood vs her time with Bruce that's kind of a different thing than just a change in culture). And that led to thinking about food, specifically, in that context and here we are!

And the great thing about doing an AU is that you get to choose if/how you want to incorporate canon and in my case I am BLATANTLY IGNORING all of the "Talia is a horrible, abusive parent" canon and letting her actually be a good mom, dammit. (At least within the bounds of her being a somewhat morally ambiguous comic book character. Good parenting is kind of a sliding scale in the DC verse, and particularly in the Bat verse.) She's not a perfect parent, but neither is Bruce (and they share some of the same parenting flaws! Like extremely high expectations for themselves and everyone around them, or weird ideas about what knowledge and training is and isn't appropriate for a child to take part in, or having very strong opinions on What's Best For Damian that don't necessarily align with each other OR with Damian himself and have definitely never been a three-way point of contention at any point during his childhood).

There's been some rough patches over the years, but by this point Damian is on mostly good terms with both of his parents, and while he mostly lived in Gotham growing up (after the point where he actually met Bruce, obviously) he did also split his time visiting Talia in various parts of the world for various lengths of time, depending on what exactly she was up to. (Yes, as he has acquired more and more younger siblings he has started bringing gifts back for them. He says it's because they won't shut up and leave him alone if he doesn't, but you know. Literally no one believes that.)

His phone call to Talia here definitely consisted of equal parts helpful instruction in what to do and deeply unhelpful commentary on the state of Bruce's pantry and what he does and doesn't keep stocked. Or honestly probably a lot more of her dragging Bruce and less actual help. Damian definitely just asked her to text him a recipe and instead she was like "Nope, phone call" and he only complained like twice about how a text would've been easier when she spent like five minutes explaining what not to use instead of actually offering a suitable substitution.

(This story also sent me down a rabbit hole trying to research what type of food different parts of the world consider "sick people food", a la chicken noodle soup in the US, and mostly consisted of me being frustrated that the first page of results was almost entirely the same list of a dozen things repackaged by different sites, and then it devolved into articles with titles about "what country's food will make you sick?" Super helpful, internet, thanks. I did find a big reddit thread that was somewhat helpful, once I skimmed past all the answers that weren't really an answer or didn't bother to say where they were talking about. And it's funny because it was a very minor detail that got glossed over anyway due to the POV involved. Whoops. But I have several recipes I want to make now?)

[nkirukaj]

I Want You, Simon- Chapter 17

Pairing: Simon Petrikov x Fem! OC

Warnings: implied sexual feelings

Genre: Angst and Fluff

Word Count: 2.67K

Chapter 16

“Wait, you didn’t know they were called ‘bikes’?

“No! To me a ‘bike’ is a contraption with two wheels that you pedal on the ground!”

She laughs “That sounds silly. Two wheels on the ground? Like, how do you even balance on that?”

“That was something people learned as kids in my time.”

“Well, everyone learns how to ride a bike, basically as like babies.”

“Yeah, but clearly we’re talking about different things!”

She smiles “We are, yours is just ridiculous.”

He shakes his head at the table. Samira is at the stove cooking, she wouldn’t tell him what she was making, so he had to wait and be surprised “You didn’t have to cook for me.”

“I’m not. I’m cooking for me and you’re just here, so I’m choosing to feed you.”

“You don’t have to,”

She scoffs “What do I look like having a guest in my house, and not feeding them?”

“Am I really a guest to you anymore?” he smiles and tapes the table

“Well then, why wouldn’t I feed a friend?” she turns and smiles at him “Besides, I wanted to talk to you.” She turns back around towards the stove

“About what?”

“I’ll get to it in a second.”

Samira approaches her oven and pulls out a fully cooked turkey, and places it on the counter, followed by a pan of baked macaroni and cheese.

“You bake it?” he asked curiously

“Hmm?” she turned to look at him after placing the pan on the counter

He points to the pan “The macaroni and cheese? You bake it.”

“Yes.” She states plainly “That’s the only way I’ve ever seen it get made,” Simon is somewhat confused, but intrigued by this “How do you make it?”

“I don’t really, but Betty-” he stops in the middle of his sentence, seeing Samira tense up for a moment. He chooses not to finish that sentence. “Sorry.” he says

Samira exhales and turns off the stove “It’s fine. Finish your sentence.”

“I was just going to say that she usually made it on the stove.”

Samira is quiet for a moment while she places each meal item on a plate. First, carving the turkey, scooping the mac and cheese, then the peas and carrots she had cooking on the stove. She places the plate with a fork and a knife in front of him.

“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” she sits down in front of him

He feels a bit too awkward to eat something, feeling that he caused an awkward silence. It seemed like Samira could sense this and gestured toward his plate “Go ahead and eat it. That’s why I put it there.” She smiles a little.

He does start to eat cautiously and slowly, while still making sure to listen to what she’s saying.

“I know that you apologized to me like a few weeks ago, but I think that I should be apologizing to you.” He looks confused, but has food in his mouth, so he can’t exactly speak. Samira finds this extremely cute, and laughs and smiles. “Sorry.” she takes another breath “It was entirely inappropriate for me to show up to your house like that. In that manner and at that  hour. Again, I’m sorry for vomiting on your floor.”

He’s finally swallowed the food and is free to respond “I told you it was okay,”

“You’re very nice, but it’s not okay.” She shakes her head slowly and touches his hand “But what I mostly want to apologize about is…” she bites her lip anxiously before saying “The way I reacted in the first place. I shouldn’t be acting like that just because you bring up….Betty. I really had the time to stop and think about it. I don’t know, for some reason, I feel really defensive when you talk about her. Especially when it’s for a really long time. I’m not sure what it is. But I’m sorry. I’ve been acting like a child.”

Simon reaches out and touches her hand back “You’re not acting like a child.” His voice is gentle and soft. “I get melancholy when I think about her as well. I know it isn’t the same, but it’s similar.”

“It’s not though.” She stands, “You knew her. You loved her. It makes sense for you to feel that way.” She paces around the kitchen “I’ve never even met her. She was gone before I even met you!” she whips around to look at him “Her being gone is the reason that I met you,” she says this part quietly

“Yes, I suppose that’s true.” he looks up at where she stands 

She exhales once more “I’m not going to stop you from talking about Betty.” She states plainly “This is my issue, and I shouldn’t be making it your problem.”

“Sami, you’re allowed to feel however you feel. It would be cruel of me to ask you to stop.”

“You’re not asking,” she says with a fake laugh “This is a choice that I’m making. You can talk about her all you need-want to. It’s cruel of me to try and tell you what you’re allowed to talk about. You can talk all you want and I’ll be here to listen. Whenever you need me.” She is resolute in this decision “You need time, I get it. So talk as much as you need to. It’s good for you.”

He tilts his head to the side “But what about you?”

She nods “I’ll be fine.”

Simon stands and goes to meet her where she stands and grabs her hands inside his. She looks up at him with sparkling eyes. “I care about you, okay? I want you to make sure you feel good. And I do like you. I want you to remember that.”

“Thank you, but I do feel good about myself.”

He puts his hand on her shoulder “But do you know that I know that I like you?”

“I- what?” she smiles up at him

He grins back at her “What?” 

They both laugh wholeheartedly, to the point where they have to stop and catch their breath.

Marceline was floating around Samira’s house with her new guitar, strumming aimlessly and humming with the melody that she made up as she went along. Bonnie sat on the couch reading, while Samira sat at her desk, looking into her notebook and listening to her computer. 

“What are we doing Samira?” She half sung “I thought we were practicing”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.”

“If you know, then what’s going on?” she strums the guitar aggressively

She waves her off “I’m just working on something”

Marcy goes over to where she sits “What even is this?”

“It’s just something I’m working on,”

“What is this, some nerd thing?”

Samira looks up at her in embarrassment. She covers up the notebook. “No!” Marceline raises her eyebrow, and in that moment Samira knew Marcy would never leave it alone.

Marcy smiles and leans in. “Oooh. What don’t you want me to see?”

“It’s nothing!” Samira’s tone became less and less believable

“Samira…”

“Oh wait, weren’t we supposed to start rehearsal?”

“Nope, it's too late! I’m interested in this now!”

Marceline glances at Samira’s headphones, and Samira glances as well, just a second too late, they both lunge for the headphones, Marcy gets to them quicker. She puts them on and plays the music. Samira has to succumb to embarrassment and defeat. She sits as Marceline listens to the music on the player, waiting to see her reaction. Honestly, she had wanted feedback on it, but she was too scared to show it to anyone else. She was too afraid of being laughed at.

After about three minutes, Marceline is silent. She takes the headphones off slowly, staring Samira in the face, while Samira can’t even bear to look her in the eye.

“Samira” she speaks very seriously. “Is this about Simon?”

Samira looks away from the Vampire Queen and doesn’t respond. Marcy removes the headphones and places them on Samira’s desk “Hey Bonnie come listen to this!” She calls for her girlfriend

“What are you doing?” Samira covers her computer

“Showing her the song you wrote. More ears means more feedback, doesn’t it?”

Bonnibel comes rushing into the room “Am I needed? I heard my name?”

“Yeah come listen to this awesome song babe,”

She grimaces “I don’t really like the songs you like Marcy.”

“Yeah, I know, but I feel like you’ll like this one. It’s very pink-esque”

Bonnie looks apprehensive and reaches for the headphones, placing them on her ears.

“Come on Samira,” Marcy touches her arm “Let people hear your feelings”

Samira reluctantly lets go of her computer and lets the song play. Bonnie looks pleasantly surprised at the tune, and begins smiling while hearing it. Once the song is over, she removes the headphone and looks toward Samira “Is this what you’ve been working on this whole time?”

Samira nods without making eye contact. “It’s amazing! You should let other people hear this!” 

“Oh! You should perform it! And let Simon hear!”

“This is about Simon? Oh how sweet!”

“Yes! She should perform it right?!”

Bonnie claps twice and exclaims with a large grin on her face “Yes yes!”

“But where should she perform it?” Marcy strokes her chin

“Oh!” Bonnie chimes in “The Princess is having a ball at the castle to celebrate 600 years of the Candy Kingdom. Maybe she could perform there? I hear the princess loves her singing!”

“Yes baby, that's perfect!”

Bonnie and Marcy hug and then kiss really quickly in jubilation, while Samira doesn’t move. She’s still burdened by the uncertainty and anxiety that coursed through her veins.

“Hey,” Marcy turned back to Samira, after noticing her lack of intense happiness “What’s wrong?”

Samira lets out a small groan “I don’t know if I should sing this.”

“Why?”

“Because!” She lets out an exasperated sigh “I don’t want to embarrass myself okay? I don’t want to sing all about my feelings for this guy, and then it does nothing! I’ll look like a huge fool.”

“Hey.” Bonnie approached, trying to be helpful. “Think logically, no one knows that the song is supposed to be about Simon, but us right? And we’re not going to laugh at you. Just don’t tell anyone who the song is supposed to be about. Don’t even tell Simon! And his name isn’t in the song either. You’re golden! Just get up there and sing your truth. They’ll love it.” She touches Samira’s back “They always do.” She smiles

Samira sits up “Yeah they do, don’t they?”

“They do.” Marcy agrees and Samira is filled with a new sense of determination.

“I’ll perform the song.”

Simon hands Samira a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows while she sits on his couch, and he sits on one of his chairs.

“Are you comfortable?” he asks her

She smiles “Yes, and warm.”

He smiles back at her, “That’s good.”

They sit in silence for a few moments, drinking their hot chocolate. Simon reads and Samira stares out the window, thinking. She thought about the sun, the moon, the stars, and the sky. She thought about her existence and the fact that she happened to be alive at this very moment and in this very place, and how it was such a lucky coinicidence that she was alive around so many amazing people-

“Do you ever think about sex?” She asked the man in front of her

Simon is quite startled by her question, he lowers the book and the mug “What?” he asks through a mixture of a cough and a laugh

“What?” we’re both adults, we can talk about it” She pouts and crosses her arms

“I wasn’t debating our ages,” he’s still smiling “I was just caught off guard by the suddenness of you asking that.”

“But you didn’t answer the question,”

Simon looks a bit less distinguished when he answers “Yes Sami, I think about sex sometimes.” He brushes the nothing off of his button up shirt “I seem to find myself thinking about it a lot more these days.” he speaks pointedly at her

“I think about it like all the time.” She stares out the window, when she says this

“All the time?”

“Well not literally, all the time. But I think about like, how people had to have sex to create me, and also everyone else. And then when I meet people I think about whether or not they’ve had sex. And then I especially think about it if they’re attractive or if they have a partner.”

“Why?” he leans a bit forward

Samira shrugs “I honestly can’t help it. It’s not something that I make the choice to think about, it kind of just pops into my head randomly. And then I get turned on.”

“Are you comfortable with me?”

Simon’s question snaps Samira out of a sort of trance “Hmm? Oh, I already told you yes, I’m comfortable.”

“No, are you comfortable with me?”

She blinks “Yes.”

“Good. I just want to make sure.”

“Why?”

“I just thought because you tell me all the things that you’re thinking and I love that, but I wanted to make sure it was because you’re comfortable with me and not because you feel like you have to.”

Samira covers her mouth “Am I talking too much? Do I say too much? Are you getting tired of listening to me?”

“No,” he smirks, “I think it’s cute. I think you’re cute Sami.” Samira is very flattered and shows it on her face “And whatever question you’re thinking right now, you can ask it.”

“How do you know I have a question?”

He leans back into his chair, smiling at her “Becauase you’re Samira, and I know you.”

She crosses her arms again “FIne, I do have a question.”

“Ask it babe,”

Samira’s face turns a bit pink before she opens her mouth once again.

“When you were…intimate, would you say that you were more dominant or submissive?”

“Would you believe me if I said dominant?”

Samira laughs before saying “Not really,”

Simon chuckles “I didn’t think so. No, I was more on the submissive side.”

“Amazing!”

“Why?”

Her eyes glisten “Because I’m dominant.” He laughs a little louder than usual “What, do you not believe me?”

“I believe you,” he pushes his hair behind his ear

“Good,” she approaches him and pushes all of his hair back with both her hands and smirks “Call me Dommy Sami.”

“Dommy Sami? Oh that’s a good one”

“Yup, I’m your Dommy Mommy Sami.” She says with a large grin on her face

“Mommy?” He grins with a raised eyebrow

“Yes. That’s what I make my men call me.”

“And I’m one of your men?”

“Yes” she blinks as if this is obvious

“But I thought you said I was ‘Daddy’” he questioned 

She nods “Yes. And I’m Mommy. Mommy and Daddy.” She gives him a face that says ‘duh’

“Ah, I see.”

She’s sitting in his lap now and he’s holding her around the waist while her legs are on either side of his, she looks down at their position and looks back up at the antiquarian

“You like sitting like this?”

“Hmm?” He looks down at their position “Oh, I hadn’t even noticed”

She sticks out and bites her tongue “And you haven’t pushed me off. Must mean you’re letting yourself like things nowadays.”

“I try.” He leans in and kisses her on the forehead, and she kisses him back at the same spot as she holds his head in her hands

“I love looking at you. You’re such a beautiful person.”

“Thank you, as are you.” He strokes her cheek with his thumb

“And we’re accepting compliments now?” she smirks at him

“Should I not?”

“I’m just pointing out your progress,” She shrugs and lays her head down on his shoulder as he wraps his arms around her.

[sorensolsikke]

i am here with some emergency "tips" (much more like experience with my own mental illness) for teens with depression and ptsd, struggling with sh, suicidal thoughts and anxiety.

please only read further if you are sure you are stable enough rn for reading through advice. keep in mind that i am only just another survivor, my "tips" may not work for you at all (we are all different creatures), and following some advice could never replace several years long therapy. please understand that i do not want to change you, nor want to trivialize your suffering. i am just genuienly worried about your well-being, and want to pass over some knowledge i learnt the hard way, hoping it may reach some people who need to hear this.

[about me in brief/you don't need to read this, only if you are curious: hello, i am soren, 17, audhd, genderfluid pansexual. my parents are divorced, therefore i grew up in two seperate abusive households. i lived through physical and verbal abuse, sexual trauma at a young age, and was a puppet for my parents' arguments through all my life. i have four younger siblings. with mother, we lived on the streets for months when i was around 12, and just generally, we lived in poverty. her second husband was an alcoholic and beat my two smaller siblings while my mother had been working, therefore i wasn't really allowed to go out until i was 15 (when i got into a psychiatry for a few weeks.) i've been on therapy (and working hard for my mental health) for five years now, and i am more or less healed from depression and self harm, although i have had a couple of incompetent therapists too. feel free to tell me your own story: i will be here to listen. that's all about me; i told you all of this so you could make sure i am really only speaking from my own experience.]

firstly, i want to emphasize again that not all of my tips will work for you, and that's okay, we are just different. i am really proud that you are trying to find solutions: that must require so much energy of you. please don't be mad at yourself if something doesn't work out for the first time, i am sure you are doing your best at the moment, and that's more than enough.

one of my main points is that healing hurts more than staying in suffering. healing and trying to make things better is tiring, requires lots of courage and is sometimes demotivating. healing will make you ask: is it worth it? and your mind will tell you no, it never will, life is stupid. but in fact it IS worth it. it will worth it when you move out and create your own home, your own safe place with food and smells that you like. it will worth it when you leave school, and maybe start studying what you truly like, or get a job that makes you feel safe and you get your own money. it will worth it when you get your dream haircut. it will worth it when you will laugh with your friends over a campfire. it doesn't seem like all of this is possible rn, but you don't have to believe it yet, you are not a bad person because you are not believing. i just hope you will remember that some guy also thought it won't ever get better and suicide is the best solution, and this guy was incredibly shocked when it actually got better. choosing healing is an utterly hard step, especially when you are ready to throw away everything. "why would i keep trying then?" you could ask. and i would answer: out of spite. do it because those fuckers who made everything so unbearable for you have no fucking right to take your life away from you too.

accept that new (and often good) solutions will sometimes make you furious or irritated. your mind really just wants to get some fucking rest and try to survive; you won't really like the new mental tasks you may choose to perform, and that's okay. it's enough if you try.

when you feel suicidal or want to harm yourself, ask yourself "what am i really feeling now?" is it anger? guilt, shame, anxiety? emptiness? and when you got your answer, ask "what made me feel like this?"

watch your language. saying "i want to kill myself" about every minor inconvenience was very much of my usual, and it was awfully hard to get used to alternatives. but it was worth it, because saying this stuff reinforces the bad thoughts so much, and also, saying unhinged alternative crap made me a lot funnier (like "i want to fucking make this teacher dance to motherfucking macarena"). if you really really want to say it, because it helps you release frustration, try saying it like "i feel like i want to kill myself". it's basically the same, you just don't make the feeling equal to your core self.

about sh... you could say "it's my body, i do whatever i want to do with it" and you are very right. i only advise you against it because selfharm always makes you value yourself less and less, it reinforces the dark spiral of depression (i feel so bad and absolutely hopeless -> i hurt myself to get some relief and endorphines -> oh fuck, the relief is gone, i feel so bad and absolutely hopeless...), and also, why would you make yourself suffer more than once? (when i did sh, it was usually because someone hurt my feelings or i thought i needed punishment. i was wrong. the people around me would have needed punishment from me. i didn't deserve to be hurt by myself too.)

so well, only if you have energy and will to try, you can work out a plan BEFORE getting to sh itself. my Plan in order is: 1. workout (it helps me through anger a lot. i recommend considering it), 2. taking a shower with nice smelling shower gel, 3. putting on comfortable clothes, 4. eating comfort food and drinking water!! 5. (optional) sleeping. if i have gone through The Plan, and i still feel the inevitable need to harm myself, letsgo. nothing will stop me then.

if you want to stop sh, you have to accept you may relapse from time to time. that's okay, that happens, sh can be the same as drug addiction, and you can't always be in control. your only goal is to do it more and more rarely. that's all.

if you know you are going to have a hard day, try to prepare for it. put on comfortable underwear, bring your plushie with you, drink lots of water and have some breakfast. even very bad days end in a few hours.

just generally, when you are feeling shitty and completely out of energy, focus on practical things and bodily needs and healthy coping mechanisms. even mute social media completely for a few days when you feel overwhelmed by the world's problems.

friends who make you feel like they are more hurt from your mental illness than you are (absolute bullcrap) wouldn't deserve you to tell them how you are feeling. of course you might not have anyone else to share things with, and that is not your fault. just be reminded that if they accuse you for making them feel sad WHEN YOU LITERALLY WANTED TO DIE IN THAT VERY MINUTE, you are very rightfully mad at them.

through panic/anxiety attacks and meltdowns!!! they can be unimaginably scary, i know. it's hard to help yourself out of them alone. the thing you can do is 1. breathing (in in in in, hold hold hold hold, out, out out, out, out.) for at least ten times. 2. finding and naming(!!) in your environment four objects you can see, four colors you can see, four things you can feel with your skin, and four things you could smell. 3. drinking some water and give yourself as much time as possible.

general advice: go to nature regularly (if you are able to). it sounds stupid, but nature helped me through many many hard weeks. it's worth a try.

for sleeping problems, try melatonin.

learn some very basic yoga poses!! like, four of them. perform when feeling the need for it (when your back or hips or neck hurts.) will also help you sleep better.

let yourself just... do nothing sometimes. capitalism makes you feel bad for being unproductive, but that's a big word from a system that generally overworks its employees so much that their performance is at least only half as good as it could be in a better environment. you are allowed to rest when things are heavy. you will have time for everything later, when you are not struggling this much.

most of the people on the streets or in school don't care about how you look or what you are doing, if they don't explicitly mention it to you. i know social anxiety tells you otherwise, but keep in mind that nobody can read your thoughts. people can look at you and very rarely can think about what you are feeling at that moment, but they can only guess. you are safe. you can put on crazy maskara if you'd like to or dress like you feel. most people genuienly couldn't care less (just think about how much you care about other people's appearences, voices or stuffs.).

that's all for today i guess, these were the lifehacks i used for better (other than having a psychologist). if i was wrong with something, please correct me. i hope i could helped, or at least i didn't make things worse. i genuienly wish you happiness, and i hope you'll get to be safe. i am already proud of you for doing this shit for so long, no matter what you'll do in the future btw. i hope you'll have a nice day, and if i could, i would genuienly get you your favourite flowers tomorrow morning.