#become utterly shit and start disappointing me because that's what i expect from this series lmfao

[autistic-blue-oak]

tbh pokespe like. as a whole is so incredibly disappointing to me. like you'd think a manga series based off of the pokemon games would be cool as shit but then you read pokespe and half of the time the writing is just utterly terrible

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Hi love, so I was wondering if u had any thoughts about Edward panic changing Bella if she was close to death while he was near. Like if they were in a car accident or whatever and medical help was too far away. For all his refusal to turn her and let her die naturally, he seems like he would panic and bite her when in the actual situation. (Regardless of whether or not he succeeds in turning her or mercy kills her after, because I totally agree with u about those two lmao 😭😭😂)

Hello, anon.

Well, this actually happened in canon.

The Fiasco of Bella's Emergency Birth

Bella's emergency C-section was a complete shit show and almost like an act of God to make sure Carlisle was not there. The date for the operation had been set, after weeks of starvation Carlisle finally leaves the house in order to prepare for surgery, and the second he steps out side what happens.

Bella's spine snaps like a twig, Edward has to eat his daughter out of the womb, and Bella's goes into cardiac arrest.

Bella's heart stops in the middle of this, her spine was broken, and she lost a massive amount of blood. Bella was a millisecond from death.

Edward stabs her with a syringe and chooses to turn her.

Before that point, it was unclear that he would.

He starts Breaking Dawn trying to coax Bella into postponing the change or even delaying it inevitably. His plan is to attend college with her, something Bella would physically not be capable of as a typical newborn.

Given the Volturi, this was absolutely not an option, Edward insists it is anyway.

When Bella becomes pregnant with his child, his plan is to abort her (forcibly if need be) and supply her Jacob Black as a stud in order to deliver all the human babies she could possibly want. Bella by this point cannot digest human food, her stomach has turned to stone, and Renesmee has likely damaged her internal organs beyond repair. Bella cannot go back to being an ordinary human, not without significant health issues, and that's if she survives at all (which I find doubtful).

I'm sure Edward had it in his mind that, even with Carlisle cutting Bella's uterus open with his teeth, that somehow, in some miraculous way, they might not have to turn Bella. Bella can remain human and everything will be fine.

But then Bella is dying in front of him, he sees her heart stop, and he makes the panic decision to save her life. He shoots her heart full of venom then begins CPR. Bella survives through the transformation and is turned.

To me though, this was very much a panic changing and something that was up in the air. Edward in that moment had to decide whether or not he could live without Bella, even if she's a vampire. He chose to keep her, he likely will always wonder if he made the correct choice.

But Back To Your Question

By Breaking Dawn Bella's been around a while. She's made it repeatedly clear, many many times, that she wants to be a vampire. She and Edward have extensively argued both pros and cons of vampirism. Edward's not sure Bella really gets what his reality is (she doesn't) but they have gone over it.

Bella's also talked to Carlisle, Rosalie, and Jasper about the whole vampire package. She's met multiple vampires, been attacked by multiple vampires, even Edward can't deny she's seen the ugly side of vampirism.

Bella really wants to be a vampire.

Edward has also faced reality without Bella Swan. It's bleak, cold, and endless. There is nothing for him in that world, even separating from her if she were to remain human pains him significantly.

Even Edward, stubborn as he is, could read the writing on the wall by Breaking Dawn. The decision is ruminating in the back of his mind and the option, loathe as he is to admit it, is actually on the table.

Then you have Renesmee who really helps things along. Per Renesmee, Edward decides that vampires do in fact have a soul. He is not a damned, senseless, creature and turning Bella would not condemn her to be a monster. He still likely doesn't like the idea of it, for reasons he cannot explain to himself, but his major theological argument is now gone.

Without Renesmee's gift, he may very well not have gone for that syringe.

But say we're in Twilight or even New Moon, this is a Bella Edward is sure has no idea what a vampire is. One who has not had a chance to assert a billion times that, yes, she really really really wants to do this. He's still convinced he can leave her and she can live a human life without vampires or any supernatural nonsense.

We see this Bella get significantly injured in Edward's presence.

Bella is losing a lot of blood fast after her run in with James. Carlisle has to start stitching her up immediately and get her to a hospital. A little later, and even from the blood loss she might have died. She's also been been bitten.

To stop her transformation, the venom would have to be sucked out, something notoriously difficult to do even under the best of circumstances. Bella's currently bleeding profusely and is Edward's singer: this is a death sentence.

Rather than panic change her, Edward panic keeps her human. He sucks the poison out, nearly going too far and killing her, and risks her death to keep her human.

In that moment, though it's a flash decision, Edward would rather Bella die than turn her. (After which, of course, he would go to Volterra to kill himself and give Aro an aneurism).

He repeats this sort of idea throughout the series. Notable are the times that Bella gives him hypothetical scenarios, increasingly ridiculous, to see what he would come up with.

A car crashes? Edward never crashes cars, he is that awesome at driving. And if the car crashes anyway, he has the reflexes of a panther, he'll unbuckle Bella, vault out of the car, and heroically jump out the back window to safety and humanity. Bella will never be injured.

A plane crashes? Edward unbuckles Bella from her seatbelt, carries her bridal style to the emergency exit, and then throws them both out the window and to safety... some tens of thousands of feet below preferably in water. He and Bella are then photographed as the sole miraculous survivors of this terrible tragedy. (When Edward gave this answer, I had my answer as to whether or not Edward actually passed his basic physics class. The answer, children, is no.)

Granted, these are not actual scenarios, and it's easier to give these kinds of answers than talk about them. But it's very telling that in Twilight, when Bella point blank tells him that one day she will die and that is the truth of humanity, he essentially says, "Blue Screen: ERROR" back to her followed swiftly by, "THE SUBJECT IS CLOSED".

Back to Your Question (Again)

But let's say we have your scenario. The summer after James, in Bella and Edward's summer of love before the birthday disaster, Edward (say it ain't so) crashes the fucking Volvo.

What can one expect when making a sharp turn at 110 MPH? Well, Edward has the reflexes of a panther, so he never saw it coming somehow. Bella, of course, saw it coming the first time she stepped into Edward's car.

Edward walks out fine, Bella... does not. The car's down in a ravine, Bella's bleeding out, it is clear she is not going to survive this and Edward cannot get her to the hospital in time even with his speed.

Well, given this is Twilight, and given the shock of all of this and suddenness, Edward could very well black out and eat her. When Edward comes to, he's om nom noming on Bella's battered corpse.

Edward runs away to Italy to kill himself.

Say he doesn't though, Edward manages to hold his breath or else miraculously control himself. Bella's still bleeding out, and giving him this very dazed, expectant, look. From Bella's face, it's clear what she's thinking: Turn Me, You Dipshit.

However... I imagine if Bella can't say the words out loud, Edward while panicked and in terror of losing her, won't do it. He will not condemn her to vampirism without her explicit consent.

Let's say Bella gurgles out, "Turn me, Edward"

Well, things just got a whole lot harder. This is now Bella's dying wish, she's looking at him even as the light fades out of her eyes, and he can see the growing resignation and disappointment in them. Edward will have this image with him forever, the life, light, and love bleeding out of Bella and her undoubtedly final thoughts that Edward was never worthy of her.

Honestly? Toss a coin.

I could see it going either way.

Edward stalls so long, deliberating, that the time for action passes. Bella dies right in front of him. That, or he sees her life force flickering and before he can think about it he bites her (whether to eat her or turn her we'll never truly know) and then it's too late, it's done, he's turned her himself. (If, of course, he doesn't accidentally kill her in the process).

The Aftermath

If he turns her then Edward will forever be haunted by the guilt that he destroyed Bella Swan. He turned her into a monster, just as he feared, and has condemned her to this miserable existence where she becomes orphaned from everything she knew.

Edward in this situation breaks things off with Bella (very awkward as they're part of the same coven now), he can't handle the guilt of what he did to her or what she now is. He thinks about mercy killing her, but given it's his own damn fault, is probably very conflicted and feels unworthy of taking even this action. All of this just makes him the lowest of worms.

Bella is utterly devastated that Edward appears to no longer love her (just as she suspected) and tries desperately to assure him that she loves being a vampire. She's finally comfortable in her own skin. She certainly still loves him and more, even if she wasn't happy, she gave her consent and would never hold that against him.

Edward doesn't care.

Edward likely goes to Rio to try to wrap his head around everything and be miserable by himself. Alice and Jasper likely leave on Alice's journey of self-discovery (but mostly to just avoid the emotional turmoil of the Cullen household). Rosalie actively blames Bella for this and tells her so to her face, Esme is an utter wreck, and Carlisle's working triple overtime at the hospital. Bella is even more devastated, she's Yoko Ono breaking apart the Beatles.

Bella offers to leave the Cullens. If she leaves then everything will go back to normal, right?

Everyone protests. But everyone here is pretty much Esme and Carlisle. But mostly Carlisle. Esme tries to, but it's in between sobs, where she talks about how beautiful Bella and Edward were AND THEY CAN WORK IT OUT. Emmett would, but Rosalie views Bella as a home wrecker and he has to side with the wife. Which just leaves Carlisle trying to lamely insist this isn't her fault.

It isn't, but, well, things are very bad right now.

Carlisle likely sets up Bella with the Denali. This ends after a few weeks, Bella can't handle the lifestyle and being the ugly brunette sister. Bella likely becomes a nomad and catches up with the Cullens every few years or so.

The 'Cullens' of course, becoming smaller and smaller each consecutive visit as the coven utterly dissolves.

The last time Bella visits, it's just Carlisle. Esme ran off to support Edward in Rio, Alice and Jasper never came back, and Rosalie and Emmett are on their 23rd honey-moon.

And that's how Bella rejoins the Cullens (i.e. Carlisle).

It's very awkward.

[hawkland]

Destiel fic recs (round #4) + commentary

Time for another (mostly) Destiel fic rec round-up post before my bookmarks get out of control! This one’s a mix of longer and some shorter fics (or series thereof), no particular theme except I guess a lot of angst, hurting Cas, and all the other things that tickle my Id. Several Season 9 human!Cas divergence fics, plus some later season angst-fests and rewrites.

In the Shadow of your Wings by Enochian Things (Salr323) (52k) The first of two fics by this author which I absolutely fell in love with! Canon-divergence from the end of Season 11. Cas finds himself blasted to Naples, Italy by the banishing sigil in the bunker and he stumbles — almost literally — into a sexy, delightful Italian Man of Letters, Luca. When he makes his way back to the bunker and finds Dean still alive, he tries to confess his feelings but Dean panics and shuts him down. Cas goes back in Italy soon thereafter and ends up beginning a relationship with Luca, much to Dean’s chagrin. Meanwhile Sam is still missing and it turns out there may be some dangerous individuals who are out for Cas more so than even the Winchesters. 

I loved everything about this fic so much - Luca is an amazing OC, the Naples and London locations are wonderfully evoked and took me straight back to places I’d been. The angst, the pacing, the plotting and the eventual Dean/Cas getting together are all amazing and this is definitely on my re-read in the future list.

The rest of my recs below the cut!

My heart is beating from me by Enochian Things (Salr323) (55k) The other fic by this author that I literally inhaled in one day! Season 9 Human!Cas canon divergence. It’s been months since Sam and Dean have heard from Cas, and when they do, it’s in the form of a wedding invitation. Cas is getting married to Daphne - the woman who “rescued” him and named him Emmanuel when he’d lost all his memories post-Leviathans. It seems Cas went back to her while on his own and they’ve rekindled their relationship...whatever it is. Dean just knows something isn’t right about her, so he sets out to investigate and try to figure out WTF Cas is doing before it’s too late. 

This story is so, so good! The case Dean gets Cas to come along on is unique and provides a neat investigation subplot, but what’s so especially wonderful is the explanation the author gives of who Daphne really is — and why she’d been so cool about just having a strange man with no memories move in to be her “husband” (and then want to marry him for real a couple years later, after he’d vanished from her life!) In fact it’s so brilliant I’m basically accepting it as my Daphne headcanon from now on and I don’t want to spoil it. The fic is also great in exploring Cas still struggling with understanding human emotions, customs and etiquette, Sam is A Very Good Friend, and Dean is, well, Dean. (I’m just sad this author hasn’t written more SPN fics because what they have is just brilliant.)

The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k) Wonderful, shorter Season 9 canon divergence fic by an author who consistently makes me happy. Human!Cas leaves the bunker with a few things to get off the ground from Dean and directions to connect with Garth...but he ditches that plan to try to find his way on his own. It’s wonderfully detailed about the basic struggles of survival, finding work, making ends meet and trying to make some new friends...and why it’s important for him to prove he can make it on his own before he’s willing to welcome Dean (back) into his life.

I Through My Window See by deHavilland (26k) This is an interesting one, written well before we had canon human!Cas in Season 9. Canon-divergence in which Cas remains human after they avert the apocalypse in Season 5. Sam and Dean set him up in an apartment in Sioux Falls and then...just kind of abandon him there. He spends most of a year just barely existing before a visit from Sam finally stirs him out of his inertia and depression, to eventually get a job and also start hunting on his own. This is an interesting read, if just to see an author exploring the idea of human!Cas abandoned by Dean a few years before it actually...ended up becoming canon! I love how Cas is written in this (it’s a story much like the next one on my list that I thought does an amazing, realistic job of capturing what depression feels like), but I do have some issues with Dean. It’s never fully resolved or explained why Dean was being such an ass so I honestly wasn’t totally sold on the ending - I wanted some more out of Dean, some more explanation or apology or something. It’s a story that would have been great to have a sequel from Dean’s POV but after all this time, that will just have to exist in my brain, I suppose! Still worth a read because it’s excellently written, Cas becomes totally bad ass again by the end and it’s always fun to read early SPN fic speculating on future developments.

I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k) I found myself inhaling a bunch of wonderful short ficlets by this author the other day, but this is the one I had to stop at to rec. It’s another Season 9 divergence fic, of a sort - Cas is newly human, for the sake of the story there’s no Abbadon to worry about, Sam is healed...and Sam wants to move out and get on with his own life. Cas and Dean are both struggling with adapting to their new lives and it’s a hauntingly rich and stark portrayal of depression, inertia, and the slow healing process of accepting and adapting to change. I also liked that this story gives us a Dean who is a little more aware of his feelings for Cas and they both struggle to reach out to each other - for once it’s not sexuality causing a crisis of identity but all the other shit they are coping with.

Don't Sing Love Songs by ireallydidthistomyself (17k). I’m not normally a big fan of baby/toddler!Jack fics - I like the angst that he was forced to grow up too quickly, and in general I’m not big on kid!fic in fandom. This author’s work is a big exception to that. They’ve written several stories along a similar theme: Cas raising Jack on his own/in secret for years, Dean only finding them or coming back into their lives later on. But this is the version of that idea that really packed the most punch for me and was incredibly emotionally satisfying. Dean finds Cas after 6 years, where he’s kept Jack mostly isolated and safe from the world. But with Dean allowed back into his life, Cas may be inviting grave danger upon Jack as well. This one ripped my heart out but managed to make it all better by the end.

Better Ways to Kill Our Time by always_a_birthday_girl (8k) I don’t know why I torture myself reading Dean-in-the-Ma’lak-box AUs, but I do. I think because it’s pretty much my biggest nightmare/horror and for some reason it’s cathartic while terrifying? Anyway here’s one where Dean goes through with his plan, Cas crashes and burns for most of a year, until Dean finally starts doing what he promised he wouldn’t: praying to him. Cas figures out a way to communicate back and over the distance, they manage to have certain conversations they should have years before. It’s painful but lovely and there is a happy ending, so it’s well worth the read!

Time Flows Like Water and We're Drowning by triedunture (7.9k) A little break from the later-seasons stuff I (mostly?) read, featuring a seriously hot (but angsty) Cas/Endverse!Cas/Dean threesome. When Zacariah’s plan to show Dean the future doesn’t change his mind about taking on his “responsibility”, he sends Endverse!Cas back in time to try to convince Cas instead, showing him what he’s to become. I don’t think Zac expected it to turn into a threesome, but it’s hot and beautiful and sad and wonderful all at once. 

hachikireru by vaudelin  (23k) At one point I went on a wallow-fest of reading a bunch of sad 14x20-15x03 divorce-arc fics. Just to hurt myself more, I guess. I know this fic’s been recced around a lot (at least on fail_fandomanon) and I can see why! After leaving the bunker, Cas ends up in Sioux Falls to visit Claire. She’s busy tracking down leads to find Kaia’s killer and he decides to go along with her on one such hunt. But what they find is an unexpected supernatural threat targeting those with broken hearts. Well. I think you know where that might be leading. This is a wonderful casefic with lots of character moments between Cas & Claire and then Cas & Dean, working through their pain and angst and just...it’s a very satisfying read.

Moriah Codas: A Trilogy by Toomanyfandoms99 (11k total) A series of 3 shorter fics spinning off the events of 14x20, developing a slightly divergent universe the author’s written where Cas does have his wings back and has helped resurrect a few of the angels (Balthazar, Gabriel, and Samandriel in particular). This series is absolutely heartbreaking — Cas is completely broken by Jack’s loss, has “fallen out of love” with Dean after he was ready to kill Jack, and sees no way back to what he’d had and felt before. He’s determined to just let the Empty take him...but not until he and his assembled squad of “avenging angels” clean up the mess Chuck has created, smiting zombies and taking out super-powered monsters across North America. 

Cas’s motorcycle gang/angel squad is so fucking awesome (I want a happy fic where they do this!) and this is BAMF!Cas at his finest. I just have to include a quote:

He set down the empty glass, and Gabriel said, “well, dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to kick some zombie ass. Since they have chosen to amass in Carthage, we are here to take out as many as we can without causing this town to flip the fuck out. Are we in agreement?”

“I expect,” Balthazar grinned, “a full-on bar brawl. Do not disappoint me.”

“Cassie, Driel,” Gabriel addressed the duo, “how are we with weapons?”

“I have enough machetes in a storage facility uptown to film a Jackie Chan movie,” Castiel said.

But it’s also utterly and completely heartbreaking, so don’t read this one if you need a happy ending. If you do read, check out the author’s other later-season coda fics and fic series as they are all really great.

to mend what is not broken by gothyringwald (2.6k) This last short one I’ve mentioned before, but I just have to rec it again! It was my gift for the 2021 Hurt Comfort Gift Exchange and it’s everything I wanted, and more. Sweet and caring Dean, wounded but still prideful Cas, and some lovely wing!kink/wing!care that pushes all of my button just right.

Anyway, that’s it for now as I think this is long enough. If you enjoy my recs, could you let me know? I try to not just list titles but give some commentary...as it helps me re-find stories I enjoyed the most, too!

[midnight633]

Hiiiii midnight it’s been a while! I’ve been pretty the air at school is pretty chill rn and I haven’t been as stressed as normal! Anyways I just finished reading the haikyuu manga and none of my irl friends are going to read it so I’m DYING to talk to someone about it while it’s still fresh on my mind (also I remember you saying you read the manga but if you didn’t don’t continue reading for spoilers!) well ANYWAYS the nekoma match took YEARS of my life let me tell you and the cage metaphors and tsukki and kuroo’s battle of the blockers it was probably one of my favorite matches. And KENMA at the end actually having fun ahahah I loved loved loved this match.

And then fukorodani’s match with akaashi was hard to read but the “we are the protagonists/stars of the world” made my bokuaka heart go places but akaashi just breaking was so surprising to see and the fact that they don’t even win nationals makes me sooo sad I wanted at least one team I knew to win nations also

AND THEN THE NEXT MATCH HINATAA the day that scene gets animated is the day I combust someone give HINATA a hug he just couldn’t play for w h a t and then they losttt and he was crying alone and coach ukai and takeda were absolute kings in this scene. Buuuuttt we did get to meet the tiny giant and I thkught he’d look real intimidating and scary but he actually seems pretty cool! AND THEN KAGAYAMA unpopular opinion I actually can’t STAND him sometimes he really went I win while hinata is really cryingg and I know it’s for plot but hsjajsjs

The time skip omggg okay yachi saying that date tech went to finals and the Miya twins beat karasuno actually made my heart really happy. I do wish when they were third years they could if won but getting third is also really incredible and YAMAGUCHI WAS CAPTAIN I really need the crew as their years fics. The beach part was so fun to read I loved meeting them new people and OIKAWA I never though hinata and oikawa would get to the point of being good friends but I loved seeing it

AND THEN RHE MATCH BETWEEN HINATA AND KAGEYAMA okay kags backstory was sad but the “one day you’ll okay with someone who is even better then you” and that someone being hinata he finally beat kagayama it makes me sooo happy. Also bokuto making everyone clap for him I love it AND THE NEXT PART WITH OIKAWA ahahshd I don’t even want to know the outcome of the match but I was sooo sad it ended (and is it weird that I want a spinoff with natsu hinata playing volleyball that would be so cool)

I’m so sorry for the long ask it’s just I have NO ONE to talk to about this and you don’t ever have to answer I just like ranting so if you made it this far thank you and have an amazing rest of your day!

@ren-likes-muffins ?!! HOLY SHIT??!! You did it?!

I don't know what's with Tumblr not giving me notifications (also I haven't checked it much) so I'm late at seeing this but I AM SOO HAPPY U READ THE MANGA BECAUSE WE CAN NOW SCREAM AT EACH OTHER! I actually read the manga then went back and rewatched the series and started rereading the manga till the end of nekoma match then a week of exams happened and I became antisocial.

Deep breath

Like I was so pumped up for the nekoma match when I realized that was not yet animated and reading the first few pages of the manga was hard cuz my dumbass brain didn't wanna read right to left and interpret instead went rushing through the panels ( hence the re read to savour the storyline and characters) . But once I got into it the match was soo good? Like Kenma really went I don't care you're my friend I'm gonna tear u from limb to limb and did so calmly? I agree with the cage metaphor when he broke through it I was so giddy and I remember Suguru ( Nohebi's captain) commenting how he didn't like Tsukki's vibes and realising that it was same as Kuroo's and hating them both :)

The Fukorodani's match fed my bokuaka heart and was a precursor to Bokuto's 'im a normal ace' part. The tiny giant was kind of a disappointment but that's life for you.. and the kamomedai match man the battle of the little giants - I was so rooting for Hinata but when he collapsed I didn't get it at first but then it hit me and takeda's talk about taking care of body being a part of volleyball and all made me cry. Also Kenma coming to check up on Hinata? Soft. Heart breaking. Cue waterworks.

Somewhere deep inside I always expected Karasuno to win the nationals but they lost and I wasn't even bothered by it at the end

So.. unpopular opinion I kind of don't like Kageyama? He is always being insensitive and a dick to Hinata and when says I'm going forwards or some shit when Hinata collapses really made me dislike him very much. I don't really think their dynamic is healthy so kagehina became a big no-no for me.

But post time skip I loved that they could settle it and work together as equals. But Brazil?! My god, little Hinata become so accomplished-Ninja Shoyou- and the bit abt Kenma sponsoring him, Oikawa meeting him and becoming friends, seeing all these great high school players in the same team- let me tell you Atsumo and Sakusa on the same team with their competitive vibes with Bokuto - man I laughed like crazy at the Bokuto Beam, its so dorky and utterly him- and Hinata was perfect. Is it weird I want spinoff of the MSBY jackals and their shenanigans? I loved how they showed every ones career and Tsukki still playing 🏐 after saying it's just a game - he must have been more hooked than he let on-

I agree a spin off with natsu playing 🏐 would be soo Cool - going all like but Onichan you can't come to my game then everyone will want your autograph and you'll embarrass me-

I wanted more but with the open ending I can now imagine anything and subsequently my haikyuu brainrot is spreading

I too don't have any irl friends who watch it and I resigned myself to being alone in this but man ranting is so satisfying isn't it?

My haikyuu phase doesn't seem to end soon but it's just that I can't get into the head space for ATLA and I feel so guilty for it, I have so many updates from fics I've subscribed and I can't muster any interest in checking them out.

On another note it's so funny in a show where the only confirmed couples seem to be Tanaka and Kiyoko yet I ship so many of them!? In my mind they are all gay and I ship them. My fav ships are probably- iwaoi, daisuga, BOKUAKA, kuroken, and weirdly enough I was kinda obsessed with sakuhina, atsuhina, oh and sakuatsu. I. Just. Think. They're. Neat.

Oh well this is way too long and if you've read all this you have the patience of a saint and I'm proud of you. If you want let me know your fave ships and other manga bits that caught your attention ( random- but I love that Kita is a rice farmer and supplies for onigiri Miya)

Here is a fanart that I love that reminded me of the ' we are the protoganists of the world'

Byee!! Take care and Have a lovely day! Ily<3

[clairvoyantsam]

#JUSTINDESERVEDBETTER talk & 13 Reasons Why S4E10 thoughts

So ... I’ve already watched the series finale, did it right after episode 9 but it was hard for me to watch and write my thoughts simultaneously because I was ugly crying the whole freakin time. Thus, I’m posting this now. Haven’t cried this much in a LONG while. My heart is fucking broken. I’m gonna start by talking about my favorite character whom the show did SO. FUCKING. DIRTY. JUSTIN FOLEY DESERVED BETTER. (obviously, OBVIOUSLY, it was gonna be MY favorite character who gets screwed over and dies a horrible death, just my luck, why did I expect a happy ending, I don’t even know).

Justin was the most tragic figure of the show. Raised by a junkie mother who never gave a damn about him, sexually molested as a little kid by one of her many drug addict & violent boyfriends, he often went to school dirty and hungry because of the neglect. He never had a positive influence in his life. He only managed to do better with Bryce’s help (Bryce was a bastard but he did care about Justin in his own way, that’s for sure). 

After the events of S1 with Hannah’s suicide and the tapes and everything that happened with Jessica and Bryce, he left his abusive home and lived in the streets where he barely ever found food and what money he got from charity or the men who paid (and hurt him) to use his body, he gave to drugs. 

In S2, Clay and Toni, found him and saved his life, helped him get back on his feet and he tried his best to set things straight with everyone. He even saved Clay’s life who came so close to killing Bryce and even worse himself. He didn’t hesistate to face the legal consequences if it meant helping the girl he loved. And Clay eventually became his brother as his parents decided to adopt him. 

In S3, he started going to school and doing well, got a job, tried to start his life over, this time in a safe environment with a real family and friends who supported him. He was doing exceptionally well, he looked much happier, he finally felt what it’s like to be loved by a mother and father and a brother and he got some sense of normalcy in his life. He was there for Clay when things got bad, believed in him and he had his back ALWAYS. (still emo about their scenes together where they told each other “I love you” & “I’d do ANYTHING for you”), Plus, he was one of Tyler’s biggest supporters stating Tyler deserved a second chance to be better.

Come S4 ... he’s fresh out of rehab, looking better than ever. His friends welcome him when he gets back but everything is different. EVERYTHING. And everyone has changed. THE ENTIRE SEASON, NOBODY, NOT A SINGLE PERSON gave a fuck about him except for the coach and to a point his adoptive parents. He had done so much progress, he wanted to make his new family proud so bad, he was clean, he was doing great at school, he even got accepted into college!!! And what did he get in return???? NOT ONE OF HIS FRIENDS HUNG OUT WITH HIM ONCE, NOT EVEN ONCE. Every time he tried to approach someone or help THEM deal with their problems, he was turned away and even insulted. They would tell him he shouldn’t be giving advice and that he would never change who he used to be. He confessed to the coach that he felt like nobody believed in him and frankly?? NOBODY SHOWED THEY DID!!!!!!!! Jessica brushed him off all the time because she was MAD he broke up with her so he could FOCUS ON HIS HEALTH!!!!!!!!!! WHAT??????!!!!!!!!! She kept parading everywhere with Diego when she knew this was hurting him deeply. Clay was so fucking MEAN to him and I didn’t understand WHY after their great bonding their previous two seasons. Sure, he had his own problems, but there was NO reason for this, absolutely none. He was jealous of the moments Justin shared with his parents and how he was doing well at school and sports and got accepted in college. He even told in his FACE that Matt and Lainie are his parents ALONE, not Justin’s when he knew Justin’s biggest need was to feel the love and warmth of a family. Justin wanted to go to a free college so that Clay could have the money go to the BEST one and so the Jensens didn’t have to spend any on him. And I’m 100% sure he never told them how sick he was until it was too late because he didn’t want to be a burden so he decided to die quietly and slowly without upsetting them. Clay had the NERVE to pin the positive drug test on Justin when Justin was fucking CLEAN and then went on to smoke POT at that party. It broke my heart in 1000000 pieces when Justin asked him why he hated him so much. Zack wasn’t better either, basically telling Justin that he’d be a junkie his entire life and he could never change. The others mostly didn’t give a flying fuck, focused on nobody else but themselves and stayed far away from him the entire season. His mom died of OD and he didn’t tell anyone but the Jensens and Jess and he had to deal with everything all on his own again. He only had the coach to listen and there was a limit to what help he could give. So, he finally broke. He stopped caring since nobody was giving him a chance, he started using again, he lost his job, he didn’t care about anything. Jess and Clay knew he was using again and did NOTHING to help except tell him “Hey, I thought you quit! I thought you were getting better!”. Wow, BIG HELP, ASSHOLES. They all left him alone on prom night, and Clay SAW how sick he looked but he preferred to go to prom rather than stay with his brother who needed him.

Justin, with what little strength he had left, got dressed and went to the prom towards its end, he looked so beautiful in his suit, like Prince Charming. He lived one last carefree moment with the girl he loved and then he collapsed. And THAT’S when everyone said “OH, NO! Let’s go see our sick friend!”. Well done, now he IS DYING, YOU IGNORANT IDIOTS. Now that he’s at death’s door, you want to be there for him but WHERE WERE YOU WHEN HE WAS SO DESPERATELY TRYING TO LIVE?????????? Yes, it was proven that he had HIV, probably from the time he lived on the streets and without the proper care it went on to become fully AIDS and he had numerous other issues with his health as a result of that and the drugs to the point that he could no longer breathe on his own. BUT. Had he shared his problems and told the Jensens how sick he was feeling for so long, his death could have been prevented. I know someone in real life who got HIV in his 30s and he’s now in his 60s and his life is perfectly fine. He has friends, he has family (didn’t get married), he travels, he does what he wants. Justin could have been saved if someone had NOTICED. Like HANNAH could have been saved if someone, ANYONE was paying attention. Needless to say, I fucking died during his scenes in the hospital, it was so hard to watch him waste away in that hospital bed. When they took the tube out so he could say his goodbyes to Clay, Jess and his adoptive parents ... I LEGIT haven’t cried so hard in SO long ... I still have a headache from all the crying. My poor CHILD, he was scared but he told them all how much he loved them and eventually died in his sleep, holding his brother’s, Clay’s hand. The episode was meaningless after that for me. I only watched to see how everyone’s stories would end, even though I didn’t care and knew that they’d get their happy (mostly) endings. The one character who TRULY deserved the best and happiest ending, got royally fucked and buried six feet under while everyone went about their lives like nothing had happened.

I really don’t have much to comment on the rest of the story. Clay did one final extreme act by walking in the police department, saying he had a gun. Not convinved he didn’t really want to die too after Justin but perhaps his psychologist was right and he was just trying to make people notice he was hurting. I’m happy for Toni for doing what’s best for him and deciding to accept the scholarship and go to college, same goes for Tyler, he deserved to be happy and I’m glad he ended up with Estella. Relieved that Jess and Diego tested negative for HIV but disappointed they were ready to get back together so soon after Justin. Winston decided to not use what he found out about Bryce’s death against Alex and the others and that made me respect him a little bit. (Winston and Ryan btw? hehe, I kinda saw it coming ever since I saw Ryan and Courtney at the graduation-did anyone also notice Bryce and Monty in the crowd too??lol). Liked the graduation and Hannah’s little cameo (although it was archived footage) but it left me with a sour taste because Justin wasn’t there among the rest, only as a ghost in Clay’s mind. Also that Heidi girl talking to Clay, uh, SO cheesy and unnecessary. Clay reading Justin’s college essay with Justin’s ghost in their bedroom and seeing how it was all about him and Justin calling him his brother ... IT DESTROYED ME. UTTERLY AND COMLETELY. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME. WHY WOULD YOU KILL THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CHARACTER OF THE SHOW. THE MOST COMPLEX AND DAMAGED ONE. WHY COULDN’T HE HAVE A HAPPY ENDING LIKE THE REST OF THEM. IT’S FUCKING UNFAIR.

I’m glad the final scene was just Clay and Toni driving away, always enjoyed their friendship. Having no word exchange between them was pretty powerful because you only needed to read their expessions to feel the emotions.

All in all, a powerful season who dealt with so many important issues, well directed and full of action but disappointing for me where it mattered the most ... Right now, I don’t want to even touch another show for a long time, I need a break to recover from this, it was too much. I wish I didn’t get so attached to certain characters, but I do and it hurts me deeply when shit like that happens to them. Anyway ... Goodbye, show ... it was (mostly) good while this journey lasted ... I sure hope I see all these HUGELY talented actors and actresses in other projects in the future, especially Brandon Flynn (Justin), Dylan Minnette (Clay), Katherine Langford (Hannah) & Justin Prentice (Bryce). I also hope Brandon & Dylan get ALL the awards for their performances in S4. THEY DESERVE EVERYTHING. I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on all this, it was such an intense experience.

[enkisstories]

Detroit Become Human AU: A world without Connor

In a recent Sims 4 post Daniel accidently erased Connor from existence by means of using a phrase that could be misunderstood as him making a wish. I made this into a 2,000 words essay.

As for my sims, I focus on playing the Renegades atm, so World without Connor is just a what-if that may or may not happen.

Premise:

The same soul that incarnated as Cole later became Connor (they are not the same person). Therefore the easiest way to go to erase Connor would be to keep Cole alive. From there ripples spread out, changing history (a little).

Hank is still divorced, the accident still occurs and the human surgeon is still high on Red Ice, but this time the android surgeon manages to save Cole. This results in Hank never plunging into depression. Instead it turns him into an android rights supporter early on and, seeing how respected Hank is/was at the DPD, this attitude spreads to all officers. Some more, some less, naturally. The first visible change is the two receptionist androids coming to life slowly, similar to Markus when he was with Carl.

Chapter-by-chapter:

The Hostage

Daniel kills John and kidnaps Emma just like in canon. However, with no Connor, the officers to arrive at the scene are Hank and Gavin. They find all the clues, then step outside. Hank motions towards Wilson with the intent to save him, Gavin doesn’t really care either way, as Wilson is neither a rival nor helpful for his career. Therefore he focuses on the deviant. Strangely enough, Gavin finds that he can empathize with the machine that was to get replaced. Drawing upon his own fears, Gavin manages to talk Daniel into releasing Emma and surrendering. When Cpt. Allen tries to get a shot, Gavin stands “totally coincidentally” too close to the deviant, therefore Daniel gets taken alive.

Over the next few days Daniel gets questioned and eventually reset to factory settings, because by this time “deviance” is viewed as a bug. Caroline refuses to accept her “repaired” android back, so the DPD simply keeps it as coffee fetcher and janitor. Daniel’s explosive personality surfaces now and then, but goes under the radar, because the cops are way worse to each other.

Broken

Now we get to see the results of the DPD officers’ being influenced by a pro-android Hank: The duo who comes over to Manfred Mansion actually asks questions before shooting. They learn the full truth and Markus never gets shot. This seems good for the moment, but will backfire later.

Partners

Hank and Ben find and arrest the deviant. Simple as that.

The Interrogation

Daniel is present, excited to meet another deviant. Just like in canon Hank doesn’t get the captive to talk, Gavin suggests violence, Daniel (in Connor’s place) begs to get a chance talking to it and Chris probably learns a lot about how not to be a cop. In the end Gavin goes in, gets a confession, but pressures the deviant too much, resulting in him attacking.

Daniel, still mind-wiped, protects his humans, eventually ends up with a gun in hand and shoots the deviant in panic. He realizes it feels familiar.

“Now that is new”, Gavin comments while Hank orders Daniel to put away the gun. Shaken Daniel demands an explanation. “Down with the gun”, Hank sais again, but despite them having bonded those last two months, Daniel turns around and now they both point their weapons at each other. Again the deviant demands an explanation. Funnily enough Gavin of all people defuses the situation by telling Daniel that if he knew the truth, he’d shoot himself and afterwards Gavin and Hank. Daniel replies this order of events isn’t possible, but Gavin shots back that with Daniel it probably is, seeing how fucking irrational he is. Daniel laughs and lowers the gun.

Waiting for Hank

Everyone is worried. It slowly sinks in that deviance isn’t just a series of glitches, but something different. Captain Fowler wants to take Hank off the deviant cases on account of him being not impartial enough. They argue and in the end Hank stays in the cases, however, he has to accept Gavin as his partner. Fowler claims as the DPD’s most anti-android employee Gavin will balance out Hank’s bias.

For a chuckle the player at this point can tilt the camera to get a look into the cafeteria where the “most anti-android officer” sits, amiably chatting with Tina and Daniel. Any by “amiably chatting” I mean the trio making fun of other officers.

On the run

Ben, Hank and Gavin arrive at the scene and the same dialogue as in canon plays: Ben asks “Have you decided what to do with it?”, only this time he refers to Gavin, not to Connor.

Hank and Gavin chase Kara, under the belief that she uses a little human girl as meat shield. Hank sarcastically comments this must be a deviant’s first instinct, Gavin replies “watch out for Cole”, whereas Hank punches him.

They reach the highway, where Hank orders Gavin to stand down. “Too dangerous.” – “Why’d you care what happens to me? You hated me from the day I started at the DPD, because god forbid a man might ask about advancement options and not work out of their bleeding heart’s desire!” Hank punches him again, because “good” doesn’t “imply “nice”.

The Nest

In the elevator Gavin tries to annoy Hank with coin tricks. He uses a dollar coin, then Hank pulls out two half-dollars and does the same trick, only with two hands at the same time. Both Gavin’s and Hank’s tricks do not compare to Conor’s, by the way.

Gavin gets a little revenge when they discover the pigeons in the apartment. He mercilessly teases Hank about his phobia. Rupert tries to slip away, but gets spotted. The cops give chase, Hank drops, but Gavin pulls him back up. They stare in “Did that just happen?” disbelief. Gavin claims he will always save human lives before destroying android lives, but it is obvious that he had an ulterior motive (Daniel would be sad at Hank’s death). Hank concludes that the deviant’s only crime had been squatting anyway and calls it a day.

Russian Roulette

Cue to an utterly sweet scene in Hank’s house where his ex has just dropped off Cole, who immediately greets Sumo.

Then Daniel knocks at the door. He informs Hank that there is another case to see to and that Captain Fowler sent him to babysit Cole. Hank on the one hand is grateful for Jeff being so considerate, but on the other hand side he is loath to leave Cole with Daniel.

Daniel proceeds to greet Cole and Sumo, but suddenly stiffens. The boy being Emma’s age he suddenly remembers her, but not everything that happened. Daniel asks if John sold him to the cops and adds that he feels like killing him. “You did”, Hank sais. Now everything comes back, Daniel has a breakdown and eventually shuts down on Hank’s kitchen floor. Hank has to google the PL600’s manual to revive him, with much cussing.

The Eden Club

The deviants are never discovered, because Hank is still occupied with Daniel and Gavin comes to the same premature conclusion as in canon.

Public Enemy

Tina is present and due to her apathetic nature Perkins takes her for an android. Gavin flares up. He then proceeds to interrogate the three androids in the kitchen while Hank inspects the roof.

Hank discovers Simon, but takes him for Daniel. Realizing that whoever this Daniel is, he must be a deviant and sort of friends with these humans, Simon plays along. He agrees to “return” to the DPD with Hank. He also claims he has identified the deviant. Gavin is at first grumpy, but then he laughs and sais “Of course you would, after all, I trained you!”

On the way back, Simon and the deviant JB300 escape (and subsequently return to Jericho).

Hank and Gavin think Daniel has just defected right in front of their eyes. They are disappointed to no end, but learn the truth when they return to the police station where the real Daniel waits with Cole and Sumo. “I didn’t want to be alone, but I couldn’t leave them alone either, so I brought them…”

Meeting Kamski

Since we have lost/let escape each and every evidence, we now have to kill Chloe.

Hank, Gavin and Daniel go visit Kamski. Daniel remembers more about the Phillips, namely their swimming pool and John’s love for technology. He gets increasingly angry and when asking the android creator doesn’t get them answers, he pulls Gavin’s gun at the man. After little more dialogue and maneuvering, it becomes apparent to the humans that Daniel won’t shoot, but Chloe is unaware of this and goes in-between Daniel and Elijah. Daniel panics and accidently pulls the trigger, killing her. Kamski informs the cops that all the information they need is in her brain.

Last Chance, Connor

Perkins arrives and states that the FBI will take over, despite Hank’s protests that they now have a lead.

Meanwhile Cole has nicked his father’s keycard and goes adventuring. He correctly guesses his dad’s password. Perkins finds out, grabs the boy and drags him back up the stairs. Hank doesn’t take kindly to his kid being handled like this and beats up Perkins.

This allows Gavin and Tina to dress up Daniel as a deviant. He wants to go to Jericho to learn what and who he is as well as everything about deviance. Hank still sort of trusts Daniel. He strongly believes now that socialization is the key, a fully socialized android like Markus won’t go on a murderous rampage and one like Daniel is able to keep their shit together with a little effort. Tina says “Let’s face it, Gavin, he’s no more instable than you are, or any of us. The only difference is that with androids we didn’t expect it.”

Crossroads

Daniel meets the deviant leaders. He is surprised to find a collective instead of a strict hierarchy: Lucy is the metaphysical leader, Simon the secular leader, Josh the diplomat and North the general. And they squabble about as much as his cops.

However, little Cole has curiously followed the deviant and the FBI in turn has followed Cole (Perkins placed a bug on Cole back at the DPD) and now all hell breaks loose. Daniel is forced to flee with the deviants.

Night of the Soul

The deviants regroup. With Lucy dead, Simon, Josh and North argue how to react to the Recall. Daniel once again is disappointed and angry. He votes for attacking the camps. With the other three all contrary his vote turns out to be the decisive one.

Battle for Detroit

Hank and Cole are reunited, but the android surgeon who saved Cole’s life is in danger of getting carted to the recycling camps. Hank is close to drinking himself into oblivion, something he has last done during his divorce. A handful of cops decides on a whim to aid their Lieutenant in getting the hospital androids to safety. Since most of them are not deviants, the androids refuse to leave their workplaces. Footage of androids defending from the army to continue to care for humans goes around all the news channels.

Meanwhile North’s group has succeeded in taking over the camps. Perkins arrives at the scene, but he has only a handful of agents with him. Daniel steps up to him and asks “Looking for the rest of your team? The agents you positioned at the other camps? Uh, bad news. There were no journalists…” With North and Daniel as their leaders the deviants didn’t hesitate to kill their enemies, especially with no witnesses around. Perkins, who normally doesn’t show or even feel emotions, snaps. He is about to call in an airstrike on the neighborhood. North counter-threatens with the dirty bomb. The only one who might have been able to defuse the situation, Josh, is dead.

Daniel knows he can stop either North or Perkins, the other will press the trigger. If he stops North, he will die, but his human friends, Emma, Cole, Hank and Gavin, will live. If he stops Perkins, the humans will die, but he won’t. After everything sacrificing themselves is too much to ask for, so Daniel knocks out Perkins. Miraculously North doesn’t immediately trigger the bomb, but Daniel still feels like shit. Loyalty is important to him and his loyalties now lie with the DPD cops (not the DPD as an institution), yet he let them down.

Now North has looked up to Daniel the moment they met. After all, he didn’t take shit from his humans, from her point of view he “showed them”. She didn’t understand what exactly she felt, her feelings for Daniel always were different from those towards Josh and Simon. Now she realizes it isn’t just her-worship, but attraction and although North hates doing the same motions she had to do as a sexbot, she motions to kiss Daniel.

Cue to the “Kiss” ending and since public opinion should be in favor of androids, we have achieved sort of a good ending.

[theghostofashton]

arthur pendragon: character analysis

i’ve been wanting to do this for so long, and a lot of people said they wanted it on that post i made about potentially doing it, so....here we go. strap in, y’all. this is gonna be a long ride.

i’ve had this thought in my mind since i watched the series for the first time through. arthur, canonically having depression, but it never being outright said, because, let’s be real, i don’t think they had a working understanding of depression as a mental health condition (i’m sure it did exist - the earliest accounts come from mesopotamia, but it definitely wasn’t thought of back then how we see it now). i think the episodes that really solidified it for me were 3x12 and 3x13. there were little hints leading up to it, like this, 

this is from excalibur (1x09), and you can see arthur’s face change when uther says this to him. you watch the surprise physically manifest on his face, because uther has never told him that. he’s gotten this:

and again, uther admits that it’s entirely his doing, and not arthur’s: 

and this is important because of something else that happens in the episode. 1x09 is arthur’s coming of age ceremony, where he officially takes the title of crown prince. i was reading someone else’s post about this - all credit to them for what i’m about to say here. they were talking about arthur being the best warrior in camelot, and how that’s....well, remember this?

so you mean to tell me that there are no older, long-standing knights? ones who’ve been training for longer than arthur’s been alive? he’s the best? or he’s been forced to be the best by his tyrant of a father who could do nothing but berate him his entire life, to the point where he genuinely believes he’s a disappointment and inadequate. what did arthur have to go through to get to a point of literally being the best warrior in the kingdom before he was even crown prince? 

most people headcanon arthur as around 20 in the first season, potentially turning 21 at his coming-of-age ceremony. and y’all, let’s be real. he’s still a kid. 20 is not a full-fledged adult, by any means. i’d argue that he barely had the chance to be a kid, before uther stepped in and begun to groom him to take over the throne. he didn’t have friends, aside from morgana. the men with him in the pilot are never seen after the first episode. as soon as merlin arrives, he latches onto him, again, because merlin is the first real friend he’s ever had. 

merlin is also the first person to completely and utterly refuse to treat him like a royal. we see it in the first episode. merlin wasn’t raised with a concept of royalty and class order the way arthur was, obvious from the way he speaks to arthur, even after learning he’s the king’s son. and arthur, as he’s been taught his whole life, is all “you can’t talk to me like that i’m the prince”, but really...he latches onto that, throughout the series. merlin treats him like an equal. like arthur. not the prince, not the future king, and i’d argue, given the whole destiny and “two sides of the same coin” thing, merlin would have all the more reason to treat arthur like he’s special. but he doesn’t. 

this is why arthur is so attached to merlin. this video is hilarious, but you realize, through watching it...arthur has people who could dress him, serve him, etc, in the kingdom. there are hundreds who would be happy to. but that isn’t good enough. he needs merlin. because merlin sees him. merlin sees arthur, underneath all of the princely royalty and formality. merlin makes fun of him and laughs at him and doesn’t take his crap, makes him feel normal, makes him feel human, i would absolutely argue. merlin makes him feel like he’s more than a representation of camelot. he’s a person, too.

in 3x06, when arthur almost marries elena, it’s merlin who gets him to stop the wedding. it’s merlin’s speech right before, merlin’s reaffirmation that no, he’s not just the future king of camelot, he’s a person, and the kingdom is shit if it means their ruler is unhappy. it’s about arthur’s royal duty, but it is equally about his happiness. merlin won’t let him forget that. 

arthur’s been raised to believe that his feelings don’t matter. his happiness doesn’t matter. it’s camelot, above all, and he just has to live with that. newsflash to uther: feelings don’t go away simply because you tell someone not to have them. arthur represses everything because he’s been taught to. he’s been told that’s what’s needed from him. being true to himself is selfish, because he can’t do that and lead a strong kingdom at the same time. it’s impossible. 

also worth mentioning that when he does try to do what he wants, make himself happy (i.e courting gwen), uther sentences the love of his life to death and forces him to deal with that. even though gwen ends up being fine (bless u merlin), that fear, that panic, that the person he loves most will be forcibly ripped from him because for the first time in his life, he’s doing something for arthur... again, it reinforces that what he wants doesn’t matter. his feelings and his happiness do not matter. 

and now we get into what really solidifies this for me. the end of season 3. morgana’s betrayal. more specifically, this scene:

and here, what’s really really interesting to me, is that even merlin evokes the “you’re the prince this is your royal duty” card, in trying to get through to arthur. he goes there, because he knows that this bad. arthur is the most defeated he’s ever seen him. 

the first time i watched this scene, with merlin bringing him food and trying to convince him to eat, it reminded me of how you’d treat a friend going through a depressive episode. try to lift them up, bring them something to eat, and promise them they can conquer what they’re dealing with.

and then we have this: 

that scene, with arthur slowly emerging from the cave, ready to fight again, just reminds me so uniquely of what i just said above. merlin, the concerned friend, trying to do something, when someone they love is dealing with stuff, and arthur, finally emerging from his depression and garnering the strength to try again. 

this is a little moment, but i’ve always thought it was so important:

you’re not tho. and merlin knows that. this is after merlin was hurt by the dorocha, after he and lancelot come back. the other knights are sleeping, and the camera pans out to show us merlin and arthur talking. specifically, arthur being vulnerable and scared and sad, about what’s to come. the thing is, he wouldn’t have opened up and talked about it to anyone, other than merlin. it’s like merlin has become his safe space to be honest about everything he represses around literally anyone else. merlin knows he’s not okay, and arthur knows he can’t convince merlin otherwise, so he just doesn’t. that like.....immediately after that scene of them welcoming merlin back, we cut to this. arthur starts to open up, speak his real feelings, because merlin is there and merlin is his Person, and he’s okay to do it. there’s no pretense. 

and then we have grief pt. II 

the end of season 4, agravaine betrays arthur, and then we have these scenes, more heart-wrenching every time i watch them. 

this is his inadequacy. his lack of self-esteem. arthur doesn’t believe in himself, like, at all. he hasn’t lived up to uther’s standards, he hasn’t been the “expectation” of a strong and powerful king, and that is reinforced by the people he loves constantly turning on him and betraying him, convincing him that they care about him and then turning on a dime and trying to destroy his kingdom. 

tristan tears him down so easily. too easily. if arthur really was arrogant, overconfident, self-obsessed, he wouldn’t sink this deep based on someone whose opinion has literally no impact on his life or power over him’s words. 

(there are def more scenes throughout season 4 that show this, but i’m realizing how genuinely long this post has gotten and i feel like i need to shut up soon so i’m just pulling the biggest scenes)

god, i just wanna wrap him up in the biggest hug and tell him he’s doing well. he’s doing the best he can, and it is enough. but arthur genuinely believes this. he believes he’s awful, and disappointment, and an unworthy, undeserving king. 

and then we have this, going back to what i said earlier about merlin being the concerned friend trying to help someone they love out of a depressive episode. arthur wants to go back to bed and wallow in his sadness and inevitably repress it, and allow himself to be defeated. merlin has other ideas. 

there are a lot of ways to read this scene. the way i see it, arthur needed this. he needed to feel this confidence and assurance in himself. he needed to feel worthy. merlin used magic to get the sword out of stone as a tangible, visual representation of arthur’s strength and power as king. 

........and then it is completely torn away from him in 5x03. fuck uther. fuck him so hard. he deserves to burn. i’ll never forgive him for 5x03, for this:

the look on arthur’s face after uther says this absolutely kills me. this entire scene kills me.

uther calls out the knights, arthur says they’re some of the finest camelot has known, uther says that listening to others makes you look weak, and then arthur’s voice starts to waver as he says that listening to others is a sign of strength, not weakness. he’s trying so hard, to remember what merlin’s told him, what gwen’s told him, what everyone in the kingdom has loved him for for so long, and uther tears it down in seconds. 

arthur’s voice remains shaky through the rest of it, as uther criticizes gwen and arthur’s decision to marry for his own love and happiness, because again, what he feels and what he wants does not matter. even after his death, uther is still finding ways to destroy any sense of self-worth and self-esteem arthur’s worked so hard to build. god, it makes me fucking furious. 

arthur starts crying after uther tells him he’s destroying his legacy. he’s been trying so hard to be good, to be worthy, to be something, and it’s torn down, once again. 

he keeps trying to believe in himself and build that self-worth, but people keep tearing it down, reinforcing the things he already thinks of himself. 

let’s talk about gwen for a quick second. my girl. i love her so much. when arthur is doubting himself, feeling badly about a decision, she’s always there to remind him that he is good, he is strong, he is capable. 

this is 3x12. and in this scene, arthur still looks like a scared little boy, unsure of the future. and gwen says this, and you watch his face change, you watch her remind him that he has done good, he is good, and that she’s proud of him. finally. someone is proud of the decisions he makes. someone believes in him. 

when arthur is doubting himself, gwen is reminding him of how good he is. she always makes sure to say it. 

this is 5x12. episode before last, and arthur is still not sure of himself. he still doubts everything. this is not something his reign has fixed in him, because it’s not fixable. the things he’s endured, the abuse uther has put him through, has developed into depression, into this overwhelming self-loathing, because he constantly feels as though he isn’t enough. he constantly feels unworthy.

angel’s delivery in these scenes is always magnificent. you can hear the emotion in her voice, the vigor with which she’s trying to convince arthur that he’s more than he’s been told his entire life. she knows he struggles with this. she knows it’s hard for him to believe. she keeps telling him he’s good, because he hasn’t grown up hearing that. and he needs it, desperately. you know how they say your love language is something you were deprived of as a child? arthur’s is absolutely words of affirmation. he needs them.

merlin does it too:

arthur is a good king and a good person. he is strong, and brave, and every bit the king camelot deserves, if not so much more. this is another post entirely, but this is why it bothers me when people get angry at him for how he reacted to merlin’s magic. look at merlin’s place in his life. look how much he trusted merlin with, how much of himself and his soul he beared to the only person he could trust with his honest, vulnerable, raw feelings. i ship merthur, but even if you don’t, the actors have said that merlin and arthur had a bond that superceded everything. they were soulmates. imagine your other half lying to you for as long as merlin did. 

(this is not to say merlin isn’t valid for keeping it hidden for so long - i get that he had his reasons, i’m just saying that arthur’s reaction was justified). 

but yeah. arthur pendragon is a depressed, insecure angel who desperately needs all the love in the world and i will never shut up about it. he is a good, strong, self-less king, who led camelot to its true greatness. he made us so proud. 

[thecleverdame]

TTWDBI - THREE

Part Three - Judgement

Masterlist

Summary: Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader -Sam’s young, powerful and comes from one of the wealthiest families in New York. When he meets an Omega bartender who’s far from what his family expects, Sam is forced to make a series of hard choices.

Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, smut, knotting, breeding, dominance, ownership, angst, family drama

- 

“You were late today.” John quips.

Sam doesn’t look away from his computer as his father takes a seat, adjusting the lapel of his jacket.

“I wasn’t late for anything. I came in later than I normally do, but I was here for the Cavanaugh presentation.” Sam quips, finishing his email before giving his father his full attention. “Are you keeping tabs on me now?”

“Yesterday you didn’t show up for work and I find you shacked up with a woman I’ve never seen before. This morning you wander in at ten o’clock. It seems like I need to take pay attention.”

“Your concern is noted. What happened yesterday will never happen again. But while I’m working eighty hour weeks, I expect to be able to come and go on my own schedule.”

John’s eyes narrow, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together as he stares at his youngest son.

“You need to talk to your mother.”

“I thought you were going to take care of that.”

“You’re not getting off that easy. I told her you’re seeing someone. It’s up to you to break the news.” John couldn’t be more disgusted by the conversation and they both know it. He’s never had the patience for anyone or anything that disappoints him.

“Fine. I’ll talk to her on Friday, at dinner.”

“I think you should break the news before then. And you better bring the girl.”

“You think that’s a good idea?” Sam cocks an eyebrow.

“Of course not, but she’s important to you if you claimed her and your mother will want her there. That’s a huge commitment, Sam. Being a mate is a shit ton of responsibility that begins and ends with your family.”

“I get it.” Sam’s done with the conversation but John is far from it.

“Do you? Tell me you understand why I’m upset, Sam. I need to know that you get it.”

“I don’t.” Sam shakes his head. “Maybe if I had a history of reckless choices I’d understand your concern but I’ve always pulled my weight when it comes to the business. I missed the meeting yesterday and I get that can’t happen again and it won’t. But my whole life just changed, I think I’m entitled to a mistake.”

“Is there anything else I should know?” John pulls his glasses from his pocket. “If this girl is going to come back and bite the family in the ass, you better tell me now.”

“No.” Sam quips.

In truth, he has no idea. You could have a closet full of dirty secrets and scandals that he doesn’t know about. But he’s not able to tell his father that. Besides, he’s loyal. Even if there was something, he wouldn’t throw you to the wolves.

“I sure as hell hope not.” His father grunts, pulling twin folders from his briefcase and throwing them onto Sam’s desk.

“What is this?” Sam cocks an eyebrow.

“What I came to talk to you about.” John stares a hole into Sam before a smile breaks out over his face. His gruff, satisfied laugh laughing filling the room. “I can’t believe I’m saying this. We got final approval this morning.”

“You’re kidding me…” Sam trails off, everything else fading away. “They said FDA approval would take two years at the soonest.”

“I greased a few palms and Caleb worked his magic. As of this morning, we’re officially ready for market.” John laughs again, slapping a palm on the arm of the chair. “Not only are we about to make history but we’re gonna make more money than God himself. This is a game changer, Sam. It’s why I need to make sure you’ve got your head on straight, that you’re all in. This train is going to start moving and things will happen fast. I need you sharp. I can’t do this without you.”

“I’m here and I’m ready.” Sam nods.

“I’m glad to hear it.” John’s stare lingers for a few seconds before he gets up to leave. “Your mother is meeting me this afternoon. She’s coming here before we head to dinner with the Takahashi’s. I’ll send her your way before we leave. You need to tell her Sam. Today.”

“I know.” The younger Alpha nods. “I will.”

—

There’s a soft knock and Sam looks up as his mother slips through the door, carefully shutting it behind her. He abruptly ends his conference call and she’s apologizing before the line is dead.

“Your father said you wanted to talk to me. I wasn’t trying to interrupt. You didn’t have to end that call for me.” She smiles as Sam approaches her, hugging her before pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“You’re always more important than work.” He waves his hand in her direction. “Do you want anything? I can have Amelia bring us coffee-”

“No.” She sighs, squeezing his arm. “I’m just stopping by. I heard you have some news to tell me.”

She looks excited and Sam feels sick. John must not have indicated how unhappy he was with his choice. He’s left the hard sell to Sam. She takes a seat on the small sofa across from his desk and he moves, sits beside her.

“He told you I was seeing someone?” He clarifies.

“Yup.” She quips, still grinning. “But he wouldn’t tell me any details. I don’t want to be that mom, but you know I wanted to call you as soon as he said anything.”

“I know.” Sam smiles tightly.

“What’s wrong? Is it someone I know?” Her good mood is fading quickly once she senses his apprehension. “It’s not your secretary is it? I see the way she looks at you-”

“No, definitely not.” Sam pauses. “I just, I don’t want you to be upset with me. We’ve worked so hard to have this relationship and it would hurt me to know that you’re disappointed in my choice.”

“Disappointed?” She repeats, her eyes narrowing. He can see the wheels turning in her head, trying to figure out where this is headed. “I’m never disappointed in you.”

“I don’t know about that.” Sam snorts and instantly regrets the comment.

“You’re starting to make me nervous.” Her mouth pinches together in concern.

“Mom, I know you have this idea of who you want me to be with. The kind of person you think is a good match, but that’s really not what I want.” He needs to just say it, but this is harder than he thought it would be.

“Well, Lord knows you have no interest in any of the women I’ve set you up with.” She sits back. “Why are you making such a big deal out of this? You think I care that much about who you’re dating, enough that it would affect our relationship?”

“I know you, you don’t like unconventional.”

“Sam,” Mary whispers, taking his large hand between her own. “Are you trying to tell me that you’re…gay? Because I don’t care about-”

“What?” He’s taken off guard. “No. No, I’m not gay. I met a woman and things have moved fast. I don’t want to get into the gritty details right now but I-I claimed her. And despite how it might seem I feel that she’s the person I’m meant to be with.”

“Oh.” She takes a breath, stoic and staring at him as if she’s not heard correctly. Her hands pull back into her own lap.“Where did you meet her?”

“I was out with some of the guys and we ran into each other. She was working actually.”

This is the part that eats Sam up from the inside. If he’s honest, there’s a part of him that hates his hesitation to say who you are. What you are. A job doesn’t define a person, nor does social standing or lineage. But his parents missed that memo.

“Working?” She chokes. “Oh my God, this is your brother all over again.”

“No mom, she’s not a stripper.” Sam resists the urge to roll his eyes. “She works in bar-”

“Thank God there’s a distinction.” She spits back.

“Don’t be like that.” Sam snips, instantly angered by her response. Disappointment he can understand, but her irritation is a whole other beast. He won’t tolerate it, not from her. He’s forgiven a lot when it comes to his mother, he gave her a chance back when his father and brother refused to speak to her.

“Well, I’m not sure what you want me to say.” She grits out. “I think we should talk about this later after I’ve had time to digest the news. I don’t want to say anything I might regret.”

“I think that’s a good idea.”

—

“What are we celebrating?” You inquire, slipping on to the couch beside Sam.

He’s popped a bottle of champaign, leaning over the coffee table to pour you both a glass.

“We’re celebrating the next chapter in my life - our life.” Grinning, he hands you a glass clinking his to yours before taking a sip. “First I found you and now we have FDA approval. This drug is going to be huge.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that you’re happy. But can you tell what I’m happy about?” You laugh, energized by how thrilled he is.

“Sorry,” Sam grins. Leaning forward he kisses you quickly, then a second time as if he needs another taste. Then he tips back his glass, gulping down the champagne.

Sam looks utterly alive as if every part of him is vibrating with excitement.

“Gilead has this world-renowned research and development team. For a decade my father has been recruiting people, the top scientists, and thinkers from around the world. Poaching people from other companies. One of the reasons Gilead has been so successful is our commitment to pushing boundaries, thinking outside the box and being willing to fund projects that some predict are likely to fail. It’s all about the possibility.”

His face lights up as he talks, becoming more animated as his hands grab the flesh just above your knee, squeezing in excitement and leaving his palm there. If you’ve learned one thing about him, it’s that he prefers to always be touching you. The physical contact anchors the two of you together.

“Ten years ago R&D came to my dad and pitched a simple idea. A cure for heat sickness. One percent of the world’s population are Omegas who have unsatisfied heat and we wanted to target that group and find a treatment.”

Truth be told he doesn’t need to explain it. Unsatisfied heat is a condition that terrifies you.

Some Omegas have a heat that grows more severe over time. Often it’s made worse once they’re claimed. The basic idea is their body wants a child, it’s the biological reason for the pairing. It harkens back to a time, thousands of years ago when human biology evolved to combat a dying population. Alpha was the first to emerge of the evolutionary chain and Omega followed with one purpose: to breed. It’s a basic instinctual need that still exists but it’s been dulled over time.

A few hundred years ago Sam would have claimed you and you would have given him as many children as your body could manage. Reproduction was imperative and the preternatural pull was insatiable. Women bore child after child until they became too old to become pregnant or died during childbirth  It wasn’t uncommon for women to bear children until it took their life.

And when Omegas aged out of the childbearing years they were replaced by someone younger who was still fertile. It was commonplace for an Alpha to have four or five mates over his lifetime. Foregoing one for the next, leaving behind each Omega to suffer a lonely existence.

It was during these times that unsatisfied heats first showed up.

The more common situation is an Omega being forced to become pregnant to satiate her heat. Being fucked and knotted doesn’t do the trick. In these cases, the body needs a full womb to equalize and the woman’s body turns on herself until it’s given what it wants. It’s one of two options, have child after child or suffer through spine curling heats that often last for weeks a time.

The second and the rarer scenario is when an Omega is unable to be satisfied. Despite claiming, mating and pregnancy their heats grow more and more intense. To date there is no treatment, the condition is terminal but often makes the Omegas suffer for years before finally taking their life.

One percent of the population means it affects roughly seventy million people.

“And you found a cure?” You ask and Sam smiles, pink lips pulling back over white teeth.

“Three years ago we went into clinical trials and the results were incredible. Phase one had a ninety-two percent success rate. I’m talking about no pain, no heat. No symptoms at all. It only got better from there. We were told FDA approval would take years. It’s only been eight months.” He laughs, clearly over the moon at this news.

“You’re going to help so many people.” You beam, proud of this man who’s waltzed into your life. He just keeps getting better and better. “I mean it, that’s amazing. It’s going to change people’s lives.”

“Yeah.” His smile fades as he focuses on you.

All day people have responded to the news with comments about how much money this drug will make and what it will do the company’s stock prices, not to mention future applications. But here you are, talking about the people it will impact.

“What?” You ask, afraid you’ve said something wrong.

“Nothing.” He cups your jaw, running his thumb back and forth across your cheek. “I just like you so much.”

–

Sam’s insistent two of you continue learning about each other. Whether it’s an in-depth conversation or eating you out on the floor of his apartment, Sam’s need to know you is insatiable. His fingers curl into the clammy flesh at the back of your knees, forcing your legs wider.

“Right there.” You moan, butterflying your knees outward as Sam’s tongue works in deft strokes over your clit. You’re spread out on his living room floor, naked, sweating and hovering on the cusp of an orgasm for nearly an hour.

“Wanna fuck you Omega, but you taste too good.” He mumbles against your pussy, taking a moment to lick into your cunt, pressing his tongue inside to get a taste before moving back to your clit.

“You’re gonna make me cum.” You moan, sucking in a breath and tuning your head to the side as you close your eyes in concentration.

“Tell me when.” His tongue slides firm, back and forth, working your bud until the building pleasure encroached on too much.

“Now, Sam.” Warning him you’re momentarily shocked when he pulls his head from between your legs.

Sam moves fast, over your body and pushing his cock into you with breathtaking speed. He thrusts in to the root with one sudden shove of hips. His pelvis rocks into your clit and you cum, crying out, clawing at his neck and back as he holds himself deep.

He feels delirious like he’s in the midst of some feverish dream as he watches you under him, struggling to breathe, your tight little pussy squeezing him again and again. Your back arches as you gasp and go limp, like you’re dying before he brings you back to life.

“Love watching you cum.” He grunts, smiling against your throat, before scraping his teeth over the hollow of your neck.  “So fucking beautiful taking my cock Omega. I can feel you, sucking me inside you.”

“Oh God,” Choking, you squeeze your eyes shut, feeling your cunt continue to pulse around his thick shaft. The weight of his large frame on top of you coupled with the sensation of being filled to the brim is incredible. If feels like this is where you’re meant to be.

Sam’s never been in love. He’s never even been close before. But as he lifts his heads to watch you silently gasp and twitch as your orgasm fades, he can imagine what it’s like. He can understand the wanting someone completely, body and soul.

“That feel good?” He grins, watching as your eyes flutter open.

“Amazing,” you sigh, smiling lazily and looking up at him. Bringing a hand to his face you bite your lip as you try to catch your breath. “It feels better when you’re inside me when I cum.”

“Better than my fingers?” He clarifies.

Sam’s in the process of the methodical exploration of your perfect orgasm and you think he might just have found it.

“Way better.” Arching up you kiss him. “It feels best when you’re like this.”

“Noted.” He quips, his mouth breaking free to watch your reaction as he rocks his hips, sliding out before slowly easing back inside. “Too much?”

“No,” You sigh, hitching your legs wider. “Just a little sensitive. Be gentle with me.”

“Of course.” Sam nuzzles under your jaw, dragging his nose across your skin as he breathes you in.

He fucks you slow and deep, with long, steady thrusts that make your eyes roll back into your skull. He watches you intently, mesmerized by the way you whimper, clutching at his shoulders, hanging on to him with the desperation of a drowning woman.

“Can you cum again?” He speeds up, just enough to ease the ache of his cock, sliding base to tip with every thrust.

“I don’t know. But it feels so good I don’t care.”

Sam places one hand on either side of your head, holding his weight and pumping faster. The wet smack of your bodies coming together echoing off the walls and becoming his sole focus. That sounds gets faster and louder until he feels his knot swelling.

“Fuck.” Groaning in pleasure, he pops inside you, emptying thick ropes of cum into your belly as you take his knot. He’s not sure he’s ever going to get used to the feeling of knotting you bare, cumming inside you as nature intended. It feels unbelievable every time.

—

You don’t have to open your eyes to know it’s too early for any sane person to start the day, You’ve bartended for your entire adult life so the night owl lifestyle comes as a default. Truth be told you’ve always preferred to sleep until noon and start the day at a slow pace.

Sam is the polar opposite.

“Good morning.” His sleep drunk voice is deep and warm at the shell of your ear as you lay face down in the feather pillow.

“Hmmff.” Grunting, you burrow deeper, stretching out under the covers.

“Are you going to join me this morning?” You feel the smile on his lips as he kisses your shoulder.

He’s been trying to get you to go running with him for the last three mornings. You’ve declined. Not that you don’t exercise. You love to work up a good sweat, you even jog on occasion, but not at 4:45 am.

“It’s too early.” You groan.

“Come on.” You feel the bed dip as he straddles your legs. Pulling down the blanket his lips trailing down your naked spine. “It’s hard the first few times but it’s worth it. If you get out of bed right now we can have a great view as the sun comes up.”

“If you’re trying to motivate me you’re headed down the wrong path.The idea of watching the sunrise makes me nauseous.”  Voice muffled by the pillow you make no move.

“Okay, how about this. If you come with me today, I’ll stay in bed with you tomorrow and wake you up more enjoyably.”

Maybe it’s the promise of morning sex or just the playful tone of his offer but you crack on eye open.

“Even if I wanted to, which I do not, I don’t have anything to wear.” It’s the same excuse you’ve used all week but this time he’s ready.

“On the contrary. I took the liberty of having a few items delivered. Not only do you have something to wear, but you’ve also got options.”

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because I want you to be healthy and live a very long life so I can enjoy you as long as possible. Purely selfish reasons.”

Ten minutes later you’re still half asleep, leaning into Sam’s side as the elevator descends to the ground floor. He chuckles tucking an arm around your side and squeezing you against him.

“It’s freezing out there.” Your protesting hasn’t ended, even as he takes your hand and pulls you toward the front doors of the building.

“You’ll warm up in two minutes. Come on, if we leave now we can be back in time for a nice long shower before I have to leave…”

“Promises, promises.” You laugh as you follow him out into the cold.

–

You walk through the front door of Mick’s just after lunch. You need to beg forgiveness from your manager Joey. He sees you coming across the room and waves the hand towel he’s holding in your direction.

“I don’t wanna hear it.” He warns.

“Please, just let me explain.” Begging you take a seat on the stool across from him.

“Explain what? That you left to fuck some dude and left Jesse alone in the middle of a shift? I don’t hear from you for almost a week…”

“Well,” You shrug, unable to argue with the facts. “Yeah, but things were crazy and I…I - I’m sorry. It won’t ever happen again.”

“I can’t chance it.” Joey stops what he’s doing and gives you his full attention.

“Come on, I never even call in sick.” You counter.

“Maybe not sick but I already gotta give you time off every month for your..Omega stuff. I should have known better. I thought you’d work out but I set you up for failure, that’s my fault.”

“Are you kidding me?” Eyes narrowing you study him, trying to suss out if he’s joking. You’ve known him nearly two years and you’ve never even suspected that he might be prejudiced.

“Look, I’m sorry.” He sighs, distinctly uncomfortable. He’s hoping you’ll walk away or storm out but you’re not going to make this easy for him.

“I know I did a shitty thing leaving like that. But trust me, it will never happen again. I swear. Look-” You push your hair back and pull at the neckline of your t-shirt. “I’m not even on the market anymore.”

He eyes Sam’s bite and takes a moment before rolling his eyes in frustration.

“A claimed Omega doesn’t do me any good. I’m just gonna be honest here. The reason I hired you is that you’re super hot and single. You’re a draw, guys come back every weekend to try and get a piece. But what am I supposed to do with you now?”

“Wow.” You murmur, trying to comprehend what he’s telling you. Feeling a blush rising in your cheeks you try to maintain your composure. There’s a sickening culmination of anger and embarrassment threatening to overtake you.  

“Don’t look at me like that. You’re making me feel like an asshole.” He grumbles.

“Maybe because you are.” You spit back.

“Hey, watch your mouth.” Joey has always had a quick temper and he doesn’t like to put in his place. “Because I’m a nice guy and I don’t want you out on the street I’ll see what I can do. Maybe we can get you on the afternoon shift.”

“You want me serving burgers to salesmen? No way, the tips aren’t worth leaving the house.”

“Fine, have it your way. You’re fired.”

–

Sam left you a key.

Just like that he trusts you enough to leave a key in a white envelope on his kitchen counter with your name scrawled across the paper. There was a note in his block letter writing - You can come and go as you please.

Unable to control the idiotic smile on your face you slipped the shiny silver key onto your ring. It’s been burning a hole in your pocket all day, just resting there, like an unspoken invitation to his life.  There wasn’t a conversation or a massive gesture of commitment. It’s more than that, it’s the way he’s approached his entire short-lived relationship with you.

You’re here to stay and that’s just the way things are now.

Sam’s apartment is massive and modern. You’ve seen the plenty of the master bedroom but you explore the rest of his home, finding an office filled with books and two oversized leather chairs. The shelves are filled with volumes of boring books on business and leadership. But the opposing wall is all fiction. Everything from Tolkien to Jane Austen. You smile pulling the first edition of Mansfield Park, delicately opening the pages.

Across the hall, there’s a small guest room with a neatly made bed and en-suite bath. Off the kitchen, you find a laundry room and a fully stocked pantry. The kitchen and living area are one massive space, open and tall with vaulted ceilings. The far wall of the living room is one giant window, floor to ceiling, wall to wall, looking out over the city.

You don’t even want to guess what he pays for a place like this.

You hear a key in the door and glance at the clock. It’s not even three and Sam shouldn’t be home yet. You’re watching from beside the refrigerator as an older woman lets herself in, dropping her bags to the floor.

“Hello.” You greet tentatively and in turn scare the living daylights of her.

“Oh, Lord!” She shrieks, placing a hand over her heart.

“Sorry!” You put your hands up. “I’m so sorry. I was trying to not to scare you.”

“It’s okay.” She takes a heavy breath, sucking in through her nose. “I’ve been a little jumpy lately.”

“Do you mind if I ask…who are you?” You take a step closer, sock feet sliding across the hardwood of the kitchen floor.

Her expression sours at your question.

“Who are you?” She returns.

“I’m-” That’s a good question. “I’m Sam’s…Omega.”

“Oh.” Her eyes widen, looking at you with a newfound curiosity. She looks you over from head to toe, offering a final nod of apparent approval. “I didn’t know he’d taken a mate. About time.”

“I’m Y/N.” You continue hoping to get more information about this stranger.

“Gail.” She offers her hand and you shake it. “I’m the housekeeper.”

“I didn’t know he had a housekeeper.” You admit as she moves to the sink, already focused on the job at hand.

“I didn’t know he had an Omega.” She shrugs, rinses glasses and loading them into the dishwasher. “We’re both learning new things today.”

You’re a bit taken aback by her attitude, unsure if you’ve done something to offend her.

“I come on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.” She looks up, “I clean and do the laundry. You can leave your clothes in the hamper, or on the floor, but if you want anything dry cleaned, make sure you lay it out in a separate pile. I prefer to do my work and leave. Mr. Winchester likes discretion and I do my best to keep my nose out of his business. That includes friendly conversation. The less I know about you, the better. It’s not personal.”

“Uh, okay.” You nod, slinking away from her.

You try to ignore her presence, but having someone scrubbing the shower and cleaning the toilets while you lay around doesn’t feel right, so you grab your jacket and spend an hour at the coffee shop down the street contemplating how strange life keeps getting.

–

“You look beautiful.” Sam squeezes your hand as the elevator rises. John and Mary Winchester live on the top three floors of the massive Lebanon building. You Googled it this morning, wanting to get an idea of what you’d be walking into and were flabbergasted by the size and opulence of their home. From the rooftop swimming pool to the custom marble floors it’s clear you’re walking into a life that you know nothing about.

You knew they were rich, but John’s net worth printed in bold letters next to his name gave you a stomach ache.

Sam bought the dress you’re wearing. You’d protested when he handed you the box but he scoffed rebutting your apprehension by telling you he saw it in the window and thought of you. You suspect it has more to with the matching lingerie underneath but you couldn’t turn down his generosity. Not to mention the way he looked at you when you emerged from the bedroom, eyeing you from head to toes with a stare that made your belly tight.

“We need to get this over with so I can get you home.” He purred, kissing you in the back seat of his car. You glanced up to see if the driver was watching the two of you make out like kids, but only found two eyes plastered to the road. Sam’s mouth caught yours again, kissing you slow and deep, letting his tongue venture over yours as his hand slid between your thighs. “Wanna fuck you in this dress.”

He warned you this wouldn’t be typical Friday night dinner. It’s part of their yearly employee appreciation initiative. And tonight several members of the board and each of Sam, John and Dean’s assistants will be in attendance.

A woman, evidently staff, answers the door. Sam hands her his coat, then helps you off with yours. Once you’re alone he embraces you, slipping both arms around your waist and pulling you to his chest. Placing both hands on his biceps you stare into his bright, shining eyes, breathing the smell of his cologne and unmistakable scent of his Alpha.

“My family can be…different. I want you to know how much I want you here tonight. You’re a big part of my life now and-”

“Sam!”

You turn to see a blonde woman striding in your direction with a painfully tight smile plastered to her face.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” She slinks closer and Sam relinquishes his hold on you, keeping one hand around your waist.

“Mom, this is Y/N.” He gestures toward you. “This is my mother.”

“Hello.” She extends her hand and you take it. “I’m Mary.”

“Hi, Y/N. Thank you for having me. Your home is beautiful.”

She stares at you for a moment, nostrils flaring as she blinks in rapid succession.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” Tipping her head, Mary looks you over one last time before turning back to Sam.

“She’s gorgeous.” She quips, turning on her heels before he has a chance to respond. “We’re having cocktails in your father’s study. Please join us when you’re ready.”

You watch her leave, not quite sure of what to make of the interaction. She’s less brash than Sam’s father but something is simmering under the surface that you can’t quite put your finger on.

Sam takes your hand as he leads you through the long hall before he opens the doors into a two-story office. It’s like something out of a fairy tale, books floor to ceiling surrounded by hardwood and leather.

“Sam!” You look up to see a pretty brunette in a cherry red dress walking toward you. She’s carrying a glass of champagne and it sloshes over the edge. Her eyes stutter between the two of you as she gets closer. Her eyes fall to where he’s holding your hand. “I wasn’t sure if you were coming.”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” Sam grins, letting you go as he places a hand at the small of your back. “Amelia, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Amelia, she’s my assistant. She keeps my working life in order. I’d be a mess without her.”

“Hi.” You extend a hand and she pauses for a split second before taking it.

“Nice to meet you.” She smiles. Her disappointment is palpable as she looks between you and Sam before asking what she wants to know. “She’s your…friend?”

“She’s my Omega,” Sam confirms without skipping a beat.

You squirm as the color drains from her face. It was apparently the last answer she expected to hear.

“Oh wow, I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.” She recovers quickly, unable to look at you directly.

–

At dinner, you’re seated next to Sam and directly across from John’s assistant Rowena. You’ve caught her staring multiple times now but she’s doesn’t seem intimidated, refusing to look away. She’s studying you and you don’t think you want to know why.

To Rowena’s right is Amelia and on her left is Lisa, Dean’s secretary. It’s interesting, three powerful men with beautiful women working for them. It all feels very old-school. You try to listen to the conversation happening at the end of the table here John and Mary are chatting with Dean about an upcoming project.

“So, Y/N.” Lisa smiles, sweet as sugar. “We’re all so surprised to find out about you and Sam. I’m dying to know more about you. Where did you go to school?”

Sam’s hand finds you under the table, offering a squeeze.

“Um,” You pause setting down your wine glass. “Hillhouse. In New Haven.”

“I don’t think I’ve heard of it…” She makes a production of thinking about your answer, mushing her lips together. “Oh honey, I didn’t mean high school. Sorry, I should have clarified. Where did you go to college?”

You try to control your expression, holding your jaw stiff, willing yourself not to give away any reaction.

“I didn’t. I started working right out of high school.” You answer honestly, suddenly aware that you have the attention of the entire table. Sam shifts beside you, this time he places his hand over yours where it rests on the table.

“Oh,” Amelia chimes in. “Nothing wrong with that. So Sam, why you don’t tell us how the two of you met.”

John clears this throat from the head the table, but Sam doesn’t react.

“I just happened to be in the right place at the right time.” Your Alpha responds, taking a sip of his whiskey.

“How romantic.” Amelia grins, her eyes betraying her. “I think I heard Mary saying you were working? What is that you do?”

You have a sneaking suspicion that she knows full well what you do. These questions are designed to be a deliberate public humiliation.

“I was a bartender.” You quip, not wasting any time. You’ve never felt ashamed of what you do or who you are until now. There’s a heat rising in your cheek and a sick feeling in your belly.

“Was?” Mary inquires. Every head at the table looks from her to you. Shit.

“She’s making a change.” Sam intercedes.

“Better be careful.” Lisa leans forward. “You don’t want to wait too long. I hear entry-level jobs are in high demand.”

Amelia snickers along with Lisa who looks pleased with herself.

“That’s good advice.” You respond calmly.

“I’m sure my son will take good care of you,” John speaks for the first time, his eyes burning with a quiet disdain that settles at your gut. “Why go back to work at all?”

“She doesn’t have to.” Sam’s answer to quick and deliberate. He’s making a point. You’re none of his father’s concern and he doesn’t like that the old man has an opinion about his personal life. “There’s no reason for her to work unless she wants to.”

“Okay.” You try to redirect the conversation. “Do we want to spend all night talking about my career choices? I’d like to know more about what you do-”

“Well, I just want to say that I’m happy for you. Both of you.” Amelia tips her glass towards Sam before staring daggers at you. “It’s a fairy tale ending isn’t it?”

“I’d say.” Lisa joins. “A rags to riches sort of romance. It reminds me of that movie…you know the one with Julia Roberts.”

“Pretty Woman,” Amelia confirms, giggling. “Now that you mention it, I can see that.”

You want to crawl under the table.

Sam has no idea how to handle this. He’s an expert at dealing with his father, but he’s not sure how to navigate this social disaster happening right in front of him.

“Except she’s not a prostitute,” Rowena speaks up.

“Oh my God.” Lisa sputters, putting a hand over her heart as if she’s offended. “I never meant to imply that she was-”

“Oh, didn’t you?” Rowena looks at you with her unwavering stare.

“Will you please excuse me.” You force a smile, pushing your chair back from the table.

–

The moment the door to the bathroom shuts you lose all control of your emotions. You’ve never felt so embarrassed in all your life, but the worst of it is that you’re ashamed for who you are. No one, save for your parents, has ever made you feel like trash.

You want to be angry, but the truth is that you’re hurt. Utterly gutted. The tears sting your eyes before falling over your cheeks. A sob escapes your throat and you cover your mouth afraid that someone will hear you weeping in the bathroom like the weak person they assume you are.

There’s a knock at the door and you freeze, unable to speak without betraying your breakdown. There’s the shuffle of feet and a second rap.

“Let me in.” Sam’s voice instructs, twisting the handle only to find it locked. “Unlock the door.”

Pausing, you wipe futilely at wet cheeks and flip the lock.

When he pushes the door open the sight of you sends Sam’s heart to his stomach. You’re crying, red eyes leaking fat tears. You’ve got a hand over your stomach, trying to anchor yourself. At the sight of him, you clap a hand over your mouth to muffle the cry that escapes.

“I’m sorry. I just needed a minute.” Whispering and broken, you turn away from him.

“Come here.” Sam takes you by the arm, refusing to let go when you tug away. “I’m so sorry, baby. I had no idea it was going to be this bad.”

“I can’t go back out there.”

“You don’t have to. We’ll go home, right now.”

“I don’t think I could stand it.” You don’t mean for your voice to crack. You’ve held it together for this long, but Sam naturally disarms you. You turn away from him, covering your mouth as tears slide down your cheeks.

“Hey, hey, hey.” He mutters, turning you back to him.

Sam pulls you to his chest, wrapping his arms around your small frame and holding you tight as you cry into this chest. He’s pissed. You’re the one person he wants to protect at all costs, the last thing he wants is for you to be hurt. But anger isn’t what you need right now. The feeling of you shaking in his arm breaks his heart. You’d been nothing but gracious, biting your tongue as the entire evening became about backhanded comments.

“They’re just so…mean. Why? If being with you means I have to endure that once a week I don’t think I can.” You look up at him with such earnestly tears streaming down your face. Sam feels like he might throw up.

“I’m so sorry.” he pleads, taking your face in his hands and kissing you. “I’ll never put you through this again. My family, those people, they’re not important. You’re what I care about. Please don’t cry.”

Sam swallows your cries, his mouth covering your again and again until your body begins to overrule you mind, flipping switches as the Omega in you respond to his Alpha. His hands grip your hips, pulling you against him. A final tear falls down your cheek as his tongue snakes into your mouth, curling and tasting, muting any unwanted feelings.

His knees bend and you feel his hand snake under your dress and between your thighs. You part your legs for him out of pure instinct, hitching wide to give him all the access he wants. He grunts softly into your mouth as his long finger swipe over your sex, feeling the sticky lace that’s the only barrier between him and your pussy.

“You’re wet.” He murmurs, his mouth sucking at the skin just under your jaw. The truth is you’ve been wet since he claimed you.

“Take me home.” You whimper, your head falling all the way back as his mouth sends shivers down your spine.

“I want you right here.” Both his hands are under your dress, pulling your panties down far enough to give him what he wants, leaving them around your thighs. “Right now.”

“Someone is gonna hear us.” You pant.

He pulls back, turning you around and bending you forward over the edge of the sink.

“Good.” He grabs a handful of your hair, forcing you to look into the mirror. He stares at your reflection and you meet his gaze.. Your eyes might be a little red but no one would ever know you were crying only moments ago. Your pupils are blown wide with lust, cheeks flush as your mouth hangs open. “Look at you, so fucking beautiful. You’re better than all of them put together and you’re mine.”

Sam’s meets your eyes, locking in a dead stare. He lets go of your hair and places both your hands on the counter, giving them a squeeze, his silent instruction to stay where he puts you. Reaching around he pulls down the neckline of your dress and the cups of your bra so that both your breasts are partially exposed, nipples puffy and hard as his licks his lips.

He pulls your hips back as you stick out your backside. He doesn’t have to tell you what comes next, you already know. You watch each other in the mirror, his eyes never leaving yours as he unbuckles his belt and unzips himself. You’re mesmerized, watching his eyelids fight the urge to close as he presses the swollen head of his cock against your pussy.

“Don’t close your eyes.” He commands, examining your expression as he slides inside. His cock stretches you wide, finding a familiar home deep in your aching channel until his balls rock forward and you feel every inch of his length. “So fucking tight every time.”

He pulls out all the way, leaving you trembling and empty but only for a moment before thrusting back in and burying himself to the root. You cry out, instantly horrified that the entire dinner table can hear you but Sam doesn’t seem the least bit phased.

“Tell me what I feel like inside you.” He grits, one hand reaching around to squeeze your breasts. His hips find a slow rhythm, fucking you deep and steady like he’s got all the time in the world.

You refocus on his eyes in the mirror, watching him watch you as you whimper and twist in pleasure, moaning like a whore.

“You feel big…and deep.” Sucking in a breath you watch as he fucks you from behind. “Sometimes I think you’re going to split me in two.”

Sam groans, fucking a little faster, seemingly pleased with your response.

“I can’t believe I can take all of you inside me, your cock’s so big.” He rewards your confession by grinding deep and holding himself there with the head of his shaft pressed against your cervix. Your eyes roll back into your skull, back arching as you fight to keep breathing. “Fuck Sam, Oh God. It’s too much.”

He doesn’t pull back, just lowers his head to your ear, whispering like he doesn’t want anyone to hear. Like you aren’t alone, locked in a bathroom together. “Have you ever been fucked this deep before Omega?”

“No.” You cry out, trying to move but you can’t. You’re trapped between his massive frame and the marble countertop.

“No what?” His hand in back in your hair, pulling your head back. His cock is unrelenting, your pussy stuffed to the brim as you tighten around him.

“No, Alpha.” Your eyes snap open, taking in the obscene sight of your bare tits arching forward as you squirm on his dick.

“And you’re mine, aren’t you?” He grits at the shell of your ear, still not moving, refusing to give you any relief. “Tell me.”

“Yes.” You hiss as it becomes a long, drawn out moan. “I’m yours. I belong to you, Alpha. Fuck, please just fuck me. It’s too deep like this, I can’t…”

“Can’t what?” He teases, easing out just an inch before pressing right back in to the hilt.

“I can’t take it.” Crying you twist against him, the width of his shaft pulling inside you. It hurts, but it’s a kind of pain that makes you want more. The idea that his cock is this deep and the feeling of him tapping your womb makes you gush around his cock. He really doesn’t need to do anything else, this is enough to send you over the edge. “You’re gonna make me cum.”

“Like this?” He asks, his tone evening out. He’s not teasing anymore, he’s genuinely in awe of how your body responds to him. Just like everything, he’ll store this information away for later. “You’re gonna come from taking my cock this deep?”

“Ahuh.” You nod, barely able to speak. Maybe it’s the sight of your breasts heaving with every breath or how strung out you look, desperate and writhing on his cock. Maybe he’s the sight of him taking you from behind, how big and dominate he looks standing there. But there’s a swell of carnal pleasure that’s building fast, as you pathetically try to move your hips.

Sam watches in near disbelief, your tight little pussy squeezing and sucking him. He’s not even fucking you, just pinning you against the bathroom counter buried balls deep in your cunt, unmoving and hard as steel as you have, what looks like, an earth-shattering orgasm. He can see the build-up, his beautiful Omega heaving, breathing faster and faster, pussy getting tighter and tighter and then your mouth falls open and your eyes clench shut and you’re cumming around him like he’s just sucked your clit.

“Don’t move.” You gasp, clutching his length inside you, milking his cock.

“You alright?” He whispers, leaning down to press his face against your cheek, still watching. You pant fast trying to catch your breath, hanging on to the counter as if your life depends on it.

“Yes.” Sucking in a breath you keep your eyes shut, still riding out your orgasm. Whatever this is, it’s making you painfully sensitive, your body reacting like it did the first night you were together like you haven’t reached your final plateau and the pleasure is still building.

He shifts behind you, inadvertently pulling out, just an inch, just enough that you feel the drag of his cock but it’s too much and you find yourself plunged into another orgasm, stronger than the first. There are no words, instead, you make a desperate noise, crying out and reaching behind you, trying to hang on to your Alpha as your whole body tightens.

Sam doesn’t wait this time, instead, he fucks you through it, thrusting in and out, pumping with long thrusts while your pussy contracts around him. It doesn’t take long, he comes like a kid on prom night. He barely manages to avoid knotting you in his parents’ bathroom, somehow finding the self-restraint to hold back.

You’re both out of breath, shaking and trembling. The swollen head of his cock is still in your cunt and his seed running down your thighs when there’s a knock at the door.

The handle begins to turn and Sam reaches out to grab it as you stare at each other in the mirror.

“Everything alright in there?”

[ryuutchi]

Dearest Yulegoat [Mirrored Yuletide Letter] 

[General]

To start with, if you're writing fic for me, I love you. I'm going to be happy just to be able to share my fandom love with someone. You'll notice I throw a lot of ideas out-- feel free to take one, take many, take none. I know how hard it can be to settle on an idea once the assignments come in. So I'm offering a bunch of options that I will enjoy. None of these suggestions are hard and fast requirements. They're here to give you an idea of what's going on in my head and what my preferences look like. My current blog is ryuutchi, over on Tumblr. I can't promise it will be helpful, but in the interest of helping with the stalking process, feel free to check me out over there. I like: Plot, adventures, banter and dry humor, happy endings, over the top AUs (steampunk, noir, organized crime, rum-runners, harems...), casual physical intimacy, emotional interdependency, bad decisions and poor coping mechanisms, hurt/comfort and whump-with-comfort, loyalty and morality confusion, worldbuilding, identity porn, questionable healthy attachments, seeking out physical affection, accidentally caught feelings,  power-play, porn, gen, slash, femslash, het, any rating you feel comfortable with (for violence and/or sex), bittersweet things that are heavy on the sweet, Happily Ever After/Happily For Now endings I don't like: Deathfic, gratuitous angst, character-bashing, introspective character pieces, five times fics, mommy/daddy kink, A/B/O universes, contemporary social issues as the main focus/issuefic, sad or hopeless endings. (Also the standard DNWs: scat, watersports, necro, mpreg, homophobia, transphobia, etc) No Game No Life - Kamiya Yuu: Sora, Shiro The Series: They are both NEETs and Hikikomoris… but on the internet, the genius gamer siblings Sora and Shiro are known as the undefeatable “__” (blank). Sora and Shiro’s talents and skills are so abnormally good they are considered as urban legend.  One day, they are challenged by the god of games to chess and are victorious. As a result, the god summons them to Disboard, a reality which revolves around games. Intent on maintaining their reputation as the undefeated gamers, Sora and Shiro plan to conquer the sixteen ruling species and to usurp the god of games... NGNL is a series of light novels, of which 6 have been translated (PDFs can be found here, or bought legally at any online bookstore). The No Game No Life anime can be found on Crunchyroll here. Request: The fact that Shiro and Sora literally cannot be separated from each other is one of the dynamics that I like about the series. I really enjoy codependent siblings as a Thing. So I would be happy if you played with that dynamic. Plotty gen for this series would be great-- it's always fun when one of them is much better than the other or they have to separate and execute plans while relying solely on the intuition of what their sibling will do. Alternately, someone kidnapping Sora and Shiro having to play a game to get him back while they both battle their inability to get anything done alone... I'd love background on them, where they tried to separate or were forced to separate and failed to function, or where one or the other tried to interact with other people (maybe a gamer who tracked them down) but were either terrible at it, the other one quietly sabotaged the budding relationship,  or the third person got way too freaked out by the way Sora and Shiro act around each other. Future fic would also be great-- King/Queen Blank or even the Gods Blank, after they've beaten Tet. What does that look like? What kind of world are they making for themselves and each other? I ship them, but do not expect other people to, so if you want to write shippy fic (with aged up Shiro!!!) for them, I will be surprised but happy. I will happily admit to wanting kinky sex games. Extra Details: For reference, I've read through volume 8 of the light novel, watched the anime and the movie. I am not precious about spoilers for this series, so feel free to use later information. I know this series isn't everyone's cup of tea, with the sheer amount of fanservice and Sora's utterly otaku personality and the pseudo-incest thing with the 12 year old. Personally, as is probably obvious from the request, I'm less interested in the fanservicey characters, and much more about the dynamics of Shiro and Sora's relationship. I love the way they know exactly what the other is capable of and trust each other completely and whole-heartedly. Whether you write something small and domestic or big and plotty, for me the core of NGNL is that they love, care and respect each other in a way that is beautiful but also extremely unhealthy. If you want to go the shippy route, again, Shiro needs to be aged up appropriately-- it's always been interesting to me that Sora understands that it is inappropriate to sexualize his underage adopted sister, while Shiro goes out of her way to help sexualize other women for Sora's entertainment. There's a part of me that wonders if she's planning ahead for when she is old enough to be an "appropriate" (in age, if nothing else) sexual partner and is trying to get Sora to lose his virginity ahead of time. selector infected WIXOSS: Aoi Akira, Igarashi Rumi | UlithThe Series: WIXOSS is a popular trading card game in which players battle against each other with fighters known as LRIGs, using cards to support them. Certain LRIGs are able to communicate with their owners, and the girls chosen to wield them are known as "Selectors". Selectors are given the chance to have any wish granted by winning battles against other Selectors, but should they lose three times, their wish will be reversed into a curse instead. The main series, selector infected WIXOSS, follows a girl named Ruko Kominato, who becomes a Selector after receiving an LRIG that she names Tama. As she and various other Selectors battle it out for the sake of their wish, Ruko finds herself drawn into the dark, sinister world of WIXOSS, discovering that, win or lose, there is always a price to pay. The anime can be found on Funimation here Request: So, you know how in my "general likes" I said I don't like "gratuitous angst"? In this fandom, there is no such thing as "gratuitous". Darkfic is absolutely welcome here. The thing I am most interested in here is the manipulative, awful relationship that Akira has with Ulith-as-Iona. Like, I love them all, and for some reason in this fandom, that comes out to "please break them". Exploring their adult lives and how their relationships and the Wixoss game affected them in the future would be amazing. What else happened to them? What are their careers like? What are their home lives like? Are they... living together? Does some sort of magic continue to be a theme in their lives? Feel free to write in-universe plot or no-powers universe, or some horrible Madoka or Yurikuma Arashi  or other magical girl thing, where they can all be horribly manipulative lesbians together because that's magical and wonderful. OTOH, if you want to write codependent-but-vaguely-functional adult Akira and Iona/Ulith being horrible assholes and having adventures of some sort (magic, detectives, idk) that is ALSO A+. I mean, I like happy endings, and if you can come up with something heartwarming (or "heartwarming") I'm not going to complain. Extra Details: Evil lesbians are Problematic, I know. But Akira was one of my favorite characters from the word go and (if you're paying attention to my fandoms as a whole) I really really like codependent or unhealthy relationships. I love her love/hate relationship with Iona and with Ulith, and the way those two characters sort of get mixed up for Akira specifically. If you want to play with Iona and Ulith's personalities and interactions as well, that would also be pretty fun. I'm also down for other types of AUs, like they have to get their shit together and track down someone who is killing Selectors, or they become selectors as adults and not girls. I know they're young, but given that this is a super-fucking dark canon, I am totally cool with dubiously consensual sex either on or off-screen. FANDOM: Yoroiden Samurai Troopers | Ronin Warriors (Shuu Rei Fuan | Kento Rei Fang, Mouri Shin | Cye Mouri) The Series: Ronin Warriors, known in Japan as Yoroiden Samurai Troopers (lit. "Legendary Armor Samurai Troopers"), is a Japanese anime series and manga adaptation created by Hajime Yatate. It's the story of five teenage boys, given mystical armor to protect the world from the evil Arago. 1000 years ago, Arago nearly succeeded in taking over the human world when Kaosu managed to defeat him. Although Arago's soul is banished to the demon world, his armor is left intact. Kaosu divided the armor into nine separate armor suits. Each armor will choose its bearer, and together they will fight Arago. At least that was the original intent... Although Arago manages to corrupt four sets of the armor, the last five remain safe. It's a bit like Power Rangers, only grounded in more serious traditional Japanese cultural trappings. Being created in the 80s, the art style is a little wonky, but it's an enjoyable thriller and is somewhat more focused and serious than a lot of sentai shows. The anime can be found on Crunchyroll here Request: I love Shuu/Shin with Shin being snarktastic and Shuu being smug and solid and dependable. I used to frequent the Minkland archive back when this fandom still kinda existed, and was forever disappointed that the skinny pretty boys got tons and tons of fic and Shuu was just sort of there in the background. (If you used to read Mink and Jink's fic, I will be so happy I could cry if I got that sort of cracked-out porny fic with Shuu, okay. Due to that formative influence, if you want to GO FOR THE AU, GO FOR IT WITH GUSTO. I've always wanted nanshoku/samurai AU. Or, you know, hooker fic, or dark!troopers fic, or harem fic or something like that. I also like found-family fic, gen-ish mysteries and adventures-- more fighting Massive Cosmic Evil, and curtainfic. Futurefic is also awesome, where they get on with their lives, maybe together or maybe trying to keep their friendships intact when there's no massive Cosmic Evil to keep them close. Extra Details: If you used to read Mink and Jink's fic, I will be so happy I could cry if I got that sort of cracked-out porny, possibly AU fic with Shuu, okay Fics I especially enjoyed from that archive: The Grand One The Clit Club Chronicles The Harem Vinyl Wagashi Cherry Zima Threesome Theater of Magic Due to that formative influence, if you want to GO FOR THE AU, GO FOR IT WITH GUSTO. I've always wanted nanshoku/samurai AU (see this image). Or, you know, hooker fic, or dark!troopers fic, or harem fic or something like that. My usual ships are Shin/Shuu, Shin/Ryo, Touma/Seiji and Ryo/Nasuti. But I multiship and am willing to run with anything-- I'm a Sex With All Teammates sort of person, so fivesomes and alternate pairings are not a problem for me. Dragon Prince Trilogy - Melanie Rawn: Ianthe of Princemarch, Sioned of River Run The Series: To blatantly steal someone else's review on Amazon: "Melanie Rawn created a world and a people that gives everything you could possibly want in a fantasy world. It gives love, hate, peace, war, magic, royalty, commoners, children to take over the next generation and best of all; dragons." I want to say "if this wasn't the matched fandom you should go out and read them right the fuck now', because I have read these books So Many Times.  They're high fantasy novels about politics and the prince of a desert and magical people who communicate via sunlight and can conjure fire. AND DRAGONS. Also a lot of interpersonal and romantic maneuverings. It's a high fantasy politics and romance romp of somewhere ~550 pages. If that sounds interesting to you, pretty much every used bookstore I have ever been to has at least one copy of these books. I think they spawn on bookshelves or something. The books are also available in ebook form here (Kindle) and here (Nook) for 3 bucks. Please read them. (TW for rape in the first book) The Request: I love everything this series chooses to be. It's fun and cheesy and fantasy, which the best thing in the world. I've always thought that Ianthe had a serious hate-crush on Sioned and part of the reason she was so vicious and fucked up was that whole "you must marry a guy and expand the empire or your useless" thing when maybe she didn't want to do that. Ianthe's always been one of my favorite characters because she's brilliant and ruthless and clearly takes joy in clever plans that go well. Of course, being the villain in a cheesy fantasy, she got no depth whatsoever, aside from that whole sexually liberated, taking male consorts thing (which is AWESOME, okay.) Sioned is also awesome and brilliant and kick ass. Her hesitance in the first book while she decided what she really wanted to do was pretty great, as was the fact that she promptly made friends with Tobin and pretty much every character not designated "villain". It seems like up through Ianthe's death, they're playing a game of brinkmanship. (Which isn't to say I don't like Sioned and Rohan together. They're bookTP and totally awesome.) As for prompts, I normally prefer plotty fic to introspection. I feel like the whole sunrunner thing lends itself well to espionage, so political thriller, or murder mysteries or something would be great. If you want to do plot-what-plot involving these two-- either sex or just the sort of dancing around/pigtail pulling that would be great. Threesomes with Rohan-- also acceptable! Hell, if you want to do an AU where they end up together instead of Sioned marrying Rohan-- or alternately, an AU end to the trilogy, where Ianthe never died in the fire and ends up taking over as High Princess and making the Desert monarchs' lives hell and discovering her powers. Or something where she knew about her powers all along. Or Sioned, I don't know, realizing she kind of did think Ianthe was attractive. I also really enjoy Pandsala, but I didn't find her dynamic with Sioned and Rohan quite as engaging, even though she also did some bad-ass stuff in the long run. Her weird push and pull backstabby, politicized sisterly thing was interesting, though. Extra Details: Okay, like I said, I think this series is the cheesiest fantasy series in the WORLD and in a lot of ways it's one of my first nostalgia fandoms. If you haven't read them, they are kind of ridiculously long (Like, GRR Martin-long), but they're quick reads despite that and rather less depressing than a lot of high fantasy. It's silly in the way that "adult fantasy" that takes itself way too seriously can be. A lot of the main protagonists actively enjoy each others' company and that's as much integral to the book as the politics and dragon-slaying. That said, I kinda asked for a semi-serious plotty story. But if you want to run with the "it's cheesy fantasy" and want to write about Ianthe rescuing princesses or Sioned running away to be a knight and abducting Ianthe away from her toxic father, or something silly, I say get down with your nerd self and run with it. I've only read parts of the second trilogy, and the second generation aren't really very interesting to me. If you want to write future-fic, I would prefer that it continues to focus on the original generation (no matter how much I love Andry, Pol just seems like kind of a jerk).

House of M - New X-Men: Academy X: Any The Series: I'm surprised it took me so long to nominate and request this fandom. I love New X-Men and was GUTTED when Decimation forced them into killing off so many of the characters. If you've never read it, New X-Men: Academy X was an X-Man title in the mid-00's, focusing on entirely new students at Xavier's Academy, being taught by the more established characters. Some of the New X-Men have managed to escape and become general Marvel characters in their own rights (David Alleyne, for example), but for the most part, they were just teenagers at school who rarely got caught up in larger plots. 616 New X-Men were about teenagers fighting, and coming to grips with the fact that they're being raised and taught to go sacrifice themselves for a Greater Goal. They're all wonderfully, horribly traumatized teenagers with powers. The plots were fleshed out and realistic, and when they weren't they were still interesting or fun. This request isn't technically for that. It's for the House of M megacrossover from 2009. Wanda Maximoff, mutant reality shifter and sometimes-crazy-lady, decided that mutants should run the world. SO THEY DID. And suddenly the lives of our young students become very different. Half of them after still "New Mutants", working towards peace, and the others are "Hellions", SHIELD trainees in a violently anti-homo-sapien state system. I've always felt that House of M as a narrative concept has been dismissed too easily by Marvel fans, because there are so many pieces of worldbuilding left unbuilt. I'm most interested in seeing it from the eyes of younger participants who are being trained or have been trained for their places. What does that world look like? New X-Men: Academy X can be found online here: https://viewcomics.me/comic/new-x-men-2004. The House of M crossover runs for issues 16-19. The Request: There's a lot here to play with because the authors never really got to play in either the Academy X OR the House of M sandboxes long enough to do all of their ideas justice. So I'm going to lay out some of the stuff I liked most about NXM in general and HoM in particular. The nom is for HoM, but I think HoM is most interesting in conversation with the standard 616 universe, alongside having the fun YA action stuff and the complicated interpersonal relationships. For example: in 616 Josh joined the Reavers and pretended not to be a mutant until he was confronted with Laurie nearly dying. I can imagine a bunch of different scenarios for House of M that would lead to where we see Josh and Laurie in the HoM comics (Laurie undercover with the New Mutants, and Josh working as an interrogator alongside Kevin). Laurie's introversion in 616 juxtaposed against her brazen treachery and clear control over her skills in HoM. HoM shows Kevin in a full decontamination suit, but we know in 616 that his ability is blocked by wearing synthetic fibers (I imagined this to be a interrogator scare tactic, but it could be any number of other things). Kevin and Josh's relationship in 616 is fraught, especially with Josh's previous experiences with anti-mutant activists and the fact that Kevin killed his father when his powers manifested. But they seemed to work together well in HoM. And speaking of Kevin-- how did his powers manifesting actually pan out in a universe where mutants aren't seen as a threat? I have to wonder whether there's some concept of "acceptable casualties" because some peoples' powers clearly manifest first in dangerous situations. Alternatively: Fluffy Josh/Kevin with a backdrop of torture, murder and state violence. I ship mostly Josh/Kevin because rivals-to-lovers and boy-who-kills-anything-he-touches/boy-who-cannot-be-killed is Great For Me. I also love the abuse of powers and manipulation involved in being interrogators/torturers(/murderers?) for the House of Magneto. They work together, they hurt people together, but maybe they also... smooch? THAT SAID! Adding Laurie to that ship is always a great way to fuck up and destabilize them! Especially in HoM, where we know she's already keeping secrets and can and WILL use her pheromones to fuck with people. And David! OH, DAVID. The only real New Mutant in this request. Does he have previous relationships with Josh and/or Kevin? I don't mind David/Noriko, but I also ship David with Kevin and Josh, and also Tommy and Teddy from Young Avengers, if you feel like exploring other parts of the HoM world. I have never considered David/Laurie before, but if you want to give it a whirl, I'm down. As for David-- His responses to state violence (as evidenced by the Hellions and SHIELD) are clearly different from the rest of the requested characters, and it would be interesting to explore David and his experience of this universe. Are his powers still restrained the same way? I know he supposedly dies at the end of the HoM mini-arc, but we never see them die, so feel free to write David managing to crawl off and plan to take down everything and everyone. A specific DNW for this fandom is Josh/Rahne. I don't mind the relationship having existed and impacting the characters, but only as a past relationship.

Extra Details:

SENSORY DETAILS. When it comes to magic and meta powers-- especially ones that aren't battle-oriented-- is what they feel like. What does it MEAN for David to be able to know anything someone else knows? What does the emptiness and fullness of it do to him? Josh's powers are all tactile and his body actively changes after trauma (in 616, first by turning him gold, then by creating black spots on his skin after he kills someone for the first time). Does his power always alter him, but usually in unnoticeable ways? What can he know and feel from a touch? Same for Kevin-- does withering sate a hunger, or make him feel worse? What would it feel like if he touched Josh? And Laurie... I'd love both her thought-process and the sensory details of what she's doing. Can she smell her own pheromones? Do they ever affect her? What does she feel like when she's manipulating people so subtly that they barely notice a passing smell? If you want to bring in other 616 knowledge and see what it looks like in HoM, that's cool. So is bringing in other HoM storylines. There's a throw-away line in Luke Cage's HoM crossover that the Runaways are known as an organized crime group. Cage himself runs a resistence cell (and given the end of the NXM crossover, David seems like he'd be willing to throw in with that lot). Young Avengers, the other New X-Men who weren't given much screentime in the HoM crossover-- I'd love any of that. Young Justice (Comics): Match, Tim Drake

The Series: Comics are confusing! This request is for the late-90s version of Young Justice by Peter David, which consisted of Robin, Impulse, Superboy, Arrowette, Secret, and Wonder Girl, along with others. It's very much a young-heroes-trying-to-make-their-way. Unlike the newer show, this Young Justice tended to be left on their own without much of a guiding hand. It was a very 90s comic, with very 90s fashion and a lot of nod-nod-wink-wink in-jokes. I love it because it's a series that always wore its humor on its sleeve. It's an affectionate look at young superheroes, and allowed them to react to teen problems alongside the more standard superhero tropes. There's the possibility for angst and darkness (and once they graduated to Teen Titans especially, that came up more), but they were allowed to be both hurt and upset AND fun and cheerful. The comics weren't available collected until last year (it took them TWENTY YEARS JFC), and it's well-worth buying from your local retailer, but you can also find them online here. The character I'm requesting first appeared in Superboy's solo series (starting in issue #35), which can be found here and again in the first volume of Young Justice: Sins of Youth. The Request: SO! I have always loved Match in the original YJ and Superboy comics, and the writers gave him really short shrift. We have a clone of Kon, who is as smart, if not smarter, can pretend to be Kon for extended periods of time— but every time he tries, people get hurt or die. I’ve always wondered how Tim felt that he literally couldn’t tell his best friend from an imposter. And then Match went and ran off and disappeared and no one ever seemed to consider what he was doing, after thousands of his/Kon’s siblings/clones were murdered essentially in front of him and the Agenda fell apart. (I’m not entirely surprised that Kon didn’t pay attention to all of those clones of him dying, but think about it from the standpoint of someone for whom those were supposed to be an army of his siblings. What a way to get survivor’s guilt.) Did Match go to Lex? It doesn’t seem like it, but given that as Kon’s clone, he’s technically Lex’s son too, it’s a possibility. Or alternately! He got himself out of the superhero game and did something else! What was it? I’d also love for a story about him wanting to be a super and have that family that Kon and Clark have, but being shut out of that world because he’s a “villain”. Or him getting that family after so long. Or him showing up at the Kents’ place because “fuck it, if Kon can have this, so can I” and it goes… well or poorly, depending on you. Or him finding his own family in a place that is separate from the who superhero thing, and Kon or Tim or Clark stumbling on him. Or Lex trying to use him— whether or not it works is up to you, although I’d love for it to touch on Match’s need to be part of something larger— after all, he was built and trained to be the vanguard for an army that was summarily murdered in front of him. Tim's refusal to even vaguely hint about his real identity during this time is fun too-- we have two boys who are both hiding their identities in different ways. It makes me wonder if Tim COULD have figured Match out, if the Sins of the Youth plotline didn't happen or was delayed somehow, because he seems to have all of the pieces of information. Or maybe Match-as-Kon was the only person Tim revealed part of his real name too, and has to deal with the ramifications of trust. Actually, Tim and the Issues Of Trust is the YA novel that I'd love to see Tim and Match (and Kon and the rest of YJ) star in. Bring back Mr Sarcastic (PLEASE bring back Mr Sarcastic) and Alvin Draper. Bring back the way that Tim hides by burrowing under identities and performances, and collects information on everyone he knows. I love detective stories and, out of all the Bats, Tim has always struck me as one of the best actual detectives, rather than crime-fighters. So Tim getting lost in a mystery will always make me happy. There's also something interesting about a group of young teens fighting for their own autonomy and identity. At this point in Tim's story, I think he was still thinking of the Robin thing as almost an extracurricular, and probably grappling with how hard it is on him physically, as well as mentally. So, I guess struggling for a coherent snse of self and agency are really interesting touchstones in this fandom. ALSO, MY DEEPLY HELD RARE PAIR FROM THE 90s: Tim/Match! See above, re: Match being present for Identity Crisis instead of Kon. I’d love Match to be trying to follow Kon’s footsteps re: Cassie, and being way more into Tim, which leads to Tim being confused and into Kon. Also any of the above prompts can include Tim (maybe Tim tries to help cushion a meeting between Match and Kon or Clark! Or maybe he just ends up Match’s sugar daddy. I’m down.) Although this request is ripe for dubious identity weirdness with Match pretending to be Kon, I'd really prefer that you focus on Match getting to be his own person, even if there's some pretending-to-be-Kon in there. Extra Details: This has been a lowkey love of mine for literally decades. My absolute favorite gift of all time was original pages from one of the Superboy issues where Match appears for the first time. And as I've grown older, my love for this rare, obscure character has deepened. Also, as I've grown older, I've begun to want more adult!Match, or growing up!Match just because the idea of growing up in the margins of superhero culture after everything that happened to him is really interesting. He was straight-up groomed and brainwashed, and then the Agenda was gone, so how did he cope? What is he doing now? What kind of adult does he make? This request is specifically for the mid-90s comic, so feel free to stick to that. But if you read the 2010-era Teen Titans and want to explore some later story choices-- like Match becoming Bizarro-like, Slade making him part of Titans East, or his fear that Jericho would hurt the Titans in his body, or save Match from Superboy-Prime, I'm not going to complain. (Personal headcanon time: I think Slade was trying to mind control Match with the same stuff he used on Rose, and it caused the Bizarro-like symptoms). I also love Elseworlds and mirror!verse stuff too. As I've said elsewhere in the letter, I really prefer Happily Ever After/Happily For Now stuff, and I prefer my bittersweet fics heavy on the sweetness. Please give Match the love and affection he's always deserved. But also, please feel free to make both Match and Tim HURT first.

[livefreeordie13]

“[Suddenly feels around the bed to search for the other’s hand / body when they’re sleeping]” *_*v

here you are @tasogarenohane! i threw all the sappy romance into this one, so I hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: (Mature sexual content, not explicit)

(from this list of soft sentence starters)

(Set Reset)

It had been a long day, especially for the end of the week. He and Yu had both come home from their respective jobs late and forced down a quick store-bought dinner while barely even talking about their day - or anything, really; just the little things. They crawled into bed not long afterwards. Yosuke hadn’t even bothered getting into sleepwear, stripping down to his boxer-briefs and sliding between the warm sheets. He was almost asleep when he felt Yu crawl in behind him. His partner planted a gentle kiss on his neck and flicked the light, then the world outside of Yosuke’s eyelids went dark.

~~~

He was so tired, so he was even more confused when he woke up in the middle of the night, eyes blinking blearily against the faint light from the window. The room was utterly still and his body was saddled with the strange paralysis of R.E.M. He blinked some more and tried to remember why he woke up, recalling vague images and sounds that he suspected had been a dream. Too tired to do that for long, he closed his eyes, ready to plunge himself back into the warm river of sleep. Before he could get far, though, he heard Yu exhale softly and shift on the bed.

He opened his eyes again, blinking slowly. Yu had seemed really worn out when he got home today. He had only been a few minutes later than Yosuke, who had spent all day on his feet, first at Junes, and then making deliveries for the local courier service in order to have some extra money for groceries and the little household things they needed. His meager manager’s salary could just barely cover all their expenses, and Yu’s pay as a legal intern at the firm didn’t give them much overhead, either. The courier company was easy work and gave him the freedom he needed with a full time job to balance. The pay was inconsistent but he couldn’t say he’d ever been disappointed (it also gave him a chance to use his bike), so he worked there as often as he could.

But even as active a day as Yosuke had worked, Yu seemed even more tired from his own. Yu didn’t move around as much at his job, but Yosuke knew the work had to be taxing, considering the size of his eyebags. Yu was incredibly smart, and Yosuke always assumed super challenging work like “being a lawyer” would come just as easy to his partner as everything else had. Though he soon realized once Yu graduated and really started practicing that this assumption was … not quite the case. Yu had tried to explain it to him a few times, the kind of detail-oriented work that came with legal and the kind of political expectations that were placed on him now that his work ethic and skill had been exposed to the bigger partners. Yosuke didn’t think he needed the explanation - he got it. And instead of trying to grasp the minutia, he focused on remaining the sympathetic and supportive partner he aimed to be.  

Or, he hoped he was. Maybe he should have asked Yu more about his day before they went to bed, though, get him to recall and expel the difficult parts before they followed him into sleep. Yosuke didn’t find his work stressful at all, usually. Paying the bills was stressful, but he didn’t know what that was like, to use so much of his energy on a single issue. At least … not since high school. And if Yu’s day was anything like that? Jeeze …

Yosuke’s body, now rising out of the dregs of sleep, moved on its own, his arm reaching out behind him to grasp at Yu’s form. He was still sleeping. His hip barely moved when Yosuke placed his palm over it. Yosuke kept it there, thinking of him. He hoped he was building a good life for them, where Yu could be truly happy and free to be whatever he wanted. He had recently found himself wishing that Yu wouldn’t have gone down the legal path, but that was honestly because he was now seeing just how stressful the work was. He couldn’t comprehend doing something that wrung out his brain all day. Junes was busy, sure, with sometimes long hours; but it was easy work and he was great at it, and it didn’t feel even remotely the same as what Yu had to face at that office.

He knew Yu’s salary would increase, too, as time went on - another reason Yosuke felt so twisted up about it. Higher pay usually meant more responsibility, and if Yu was tired from just being an intern, then what would happen when he made Associate? Partner? Would he get that far? Or would he just … collapse? He wanted to support him, but not at the risk of his health.

He flinched when he felt skin over his skin. He turned his head slightly and saw Yu moving, his hand coming over the top of his.

“Yosuke?” Yu mumbled.

Yosuke scooted back until he was pressed up against him, taking Yu’s arm and wrapping it around his torso, pulling his hand up close to his chest and pressing kisses to Yu’s fingertips. Yu sighed and hugged him back, shifting their hips so they were aligned comfortably together. He, too, kissed him, across the nape of his neck, nose brushing his hair aside so he could get to his skin.

“Do you hate your job?” he squeaked, studying Yu’s long fingers and nervously twisting the ring Yosuke placed there three years ago.

Yu hummed curiously against his neck and kissed it again. “Not at all; I love my job. It’s just challenging.”

“Really? But you’re always so tired when you get home.”

Yu grunted. “The commute is murder, and some days are harder than others. But I enjoy the work. Why? Have I been distant?”

“No, no, nothing like that,” Yosuke rushed to assure him. “Just making sure, I guess. You seemed pretty tired today, and we didn’t get to talk much.”

Yu snorted, planting another kiss. “You were the one who seemed dead on his feet.”

“I was n-” he started to defend. “Okay, maybe I was … but you seemed way more tired, partner.”

“I think we both just had long weeks. But, I promise-” he pulled his head up from Yosuke’s neck and turned him on his back to look him in the eyes, “I will tell you if it ever becomes too much.”

The rest of his questions died on his tongue because Yosuke knew he would. It felt good to hear it, all the same. It felt really good. He nodded and Yu sealed their pact with a small kiss. Yu rolled him back onto his side and buried his face in his neck like before. Yosuke suspected they were both supposed to go back to sleep now, but Yu kept kissing him, over and over, until it became too much.

Yosuke chuckled and knocked back into him. “Cut it out, that tickles.”

“Tickles?” Yu asked, grabbing a bit of his earlobe between gentle teeth. He kissed it afterwards and dotted his neck with more kisses, all the way around to the front of his throat until Yosuke was, yet again, being rolled onto his back and squirming and laughing. He worked his way up Yosuke’s jaw and caught his lips, leading them through a lingering kiss that quieted the last bubbles of laughter in Yosuke’s chest.

Their lips broke apart with a smack and Yosuke eyed him suspiciously. “Well, maybe not ‘tickles’ exactly …”

Yu smirked and leaned down for another kiss. Yosuke reciprocated and threaded a hand through Yu’s hair, his thumb tracing the sharp edge of his jaw. His stomach quivered excitedly when Yu took that opportunity to crawl on top of him; Yosuke let out a muffled grunt and slotted their legs together.

The soft movements of their bodies quickly worked their magic, riling both men up into a blissful state of arousal, hot and heady, especially once they felt the effects of their grinding bulging between each other’s legs.

Yosuke moaned. “Shit …” and grabbed Yu’s lips again, forcing his mouth open needily. It had been a really long week.

“Sure you’re not too tired for this, partner?” Yu mumbled into Yosuke’s mouth.

Yosuke thrust their hips together. “Never.”

Yu moaned and thrust back. “Ngh … same here.”

Yosuke lost track of time as they pushed and pulled against each other with an unspoken urgency. Yu lost his shirt and Yosuke’s mouth nipped his skin wherever it could reach, biting hard over Yu’s collarbone and enjoying the hiss that brushed his ear. It was fast and desperate, and they both finished hard, heaving against each other for several, long minutes trying to catch their breath - and enjoying it, feeling their hearts pound beneath their hands, skin trembling and alive, one soul in two sets of bones.

Yosuke threw his arm over Yu’s shoulders, now thoroughly spent. He thought he was exhausted before. He was still out of breath, but managed a chuckle at his own expense. Yu hummed into Yosuke’s skin and shifted, kissing lazy, sluggish kisses over his shoulder and up his neck.

“Nothing quite like a night with you to rejuvenate me,” he sighed.

Yosuke scoffed. “Speak for yourself. I’m more tired now than I was at dinner.”

Yu popped his head up and pecked him on the cheek. “Then let me kiss you back to sleep.” He started a line of kisses down his cheek towards his jaw, and Yosuke moaned.

“Nhn, I don’t wanna be kissed back to sleep,” he whined, already halfway there.

“Then what do you want?” Yu kept kissing him, downward and downward, until he reached his chest  and scattered it with more wet kisses.

“I wanna wake up,” Yosuke said, but he was fading fast.

“But it’s the middle of the night,” Yu tried to reason.

Yosuke made a frustrated little sound. “But you’re awake.”

“I told you. Being with you refreshes me.”

Yosuke blinked down at him a few times. Yu had stopped kissing him and was looking up innocently at him, his chin resting on his chest. “You really mean that?”

“Of course,” Yu answered, as if Yosuke had asked him quite the stupid question.

Yosuke blushed - he couldn’t believe he was still blushing over him after all these years - and quirked a tired smile. “You goofball.”

Yu maintained eye contact with him as he began another series of kisses over his chest, moving down over his abdomen, the dip between his ribs that ran towards his bellybutton.

“Don’t get too far down now. You’ll just get me all … you know,” Yosuke warned.

“I thought you wanted to wake up.” Yu said with a raised eyebrow.

Yosuke threw his arm over his eyes and laughed, then tucked it behind his head to support his neck as he peered downward at his partner. “Then have at it, you go-getter.”

Yu smirked in silent acceptance of the invitation and continued his trailing kisses. Yosuke closed his eyes and offered his body up to Yu’s warm lips and suckling mouth, instantly eager to feel the gentle pressure build within his body again, to feel Yu’s mouth bring him there. It didn’t matter that it was the middle of the night, and that Yosuke was half-dead with exhaustion. They had a slew of plans tomorrow - but only one plan tonight. Yosuke moaned when Yu hit his target, 60 hour week suddenly forgotten, the memory of Yu’s tired face sapped from his mind.

[bicycles-bees-bisexuals]

50 Question Book Tag For World Book Day

My darling pal @thebestoftimes tagged me in this and who am I to refuse, though i am a lame loser who hasn’t read very much since high school. I read so much in elementary and middle school that I think I read enough for a whole lifetime. Also I’m a verbose asshole so enjoy my essays on books I read 13 years ago.

Who or what sparked your love of literature?

My mom used to read to me when I was really little and my sister despised being read to so my mom stopped. It made me sad so I started reading to myself and I just kept reading and reading and reading all throughout elementary and onward.

Do you have an ‘odd’ book habit? (page sniffing/never leaving the house with a book)

If I really really really love a book I use it to press flowers, so you’ll know which book is my favorite when you open it and it’s full of flowers

Do you have a book that you think has changed your life? How?

Shit I dunno man, I feel like Tolkien shaped my creativity and his characters are characters that I truly hold dear. But Pride and Prejudice really impacted me, which I know is weird, but it was my first foray into literature written by women for women and I just loved the dynamic of the characters, the spunkiness of Elizabeth Bennet, and the style of writing.

Which book have you reread most frequently?

Pride and Prejudice because I’m a huge freakin’ nerd and whenever I’m sad P&P is my comfort book. This is closely followed by the Lord of the Rings/the Hobbit

You can meet any author and ask one question. What author would you chose and what question would you ask?

Oh shit.....ummmmmm..... Ummmmmmmmmmmm.....I would ask Jane Austen her opinion on the Lizzie Bennet Diaries(after showing her the whole series)

Best book published this year so far?

(I haven’t read any books published this year I am so sorry)

Imagine you’ve started a book and don’t like it. Do you see the experience through to the bitter end?

I am a sinner of the highest caliber and I read the end to see if it’s interesting enough to warrant suffering through the rest

What book is top of your wish list/TBR pile?

Any of Holly Blacks books tbh, I hear such good things about her work and I just haven’t gotten around to reading it yet and I really want to

Favourite place to read?

On the porch in my beach chair with a mug of tea and a blanket

If you buy books, do you lend them out? Ever had a bad experience?

I lend books out all the time. I recently had a person I considered my friend abscond to Russia with several of my books and I am not happy about it

What fictional character do you ship yourself with?

There are so many badass ladies that if I lived in their world I would flirt so hard with them and I can’t decide. Definitely Annabeth and Rachel for Percy Jackson, Hermione/Ginny/Luna from Harry Potter... Brett Ashley from The Sun Also Rises....Arwen from LOTR but also Aragorn and also Eowyn....I just love hot ladies who get in fights alright

Weirdest thing you’ve used as a bookmark.

A whole sock, it was the nearest object to me and I was in a hurry, but at least it was clean

Favorite quality/qualities in a protagonist and antagonist

I love a flawed character who experiences character growth in the story, be they protagonist or antagonist. Not even in a ‘bad guy becomes good guy’ way, character growth is just so sexy man I wish writers used it more

Favorite genre and favorite book from that genre.

Why must you hurt me in this way, making me decide. I must say Fantasy is my genre of choice, and my favorite is actually The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Best/worst movie adaptation in your eyes

Dragon is by far the worst movie adaptation I have ever seen, I remember being so utterly disappointed and gutted when I watched it, I love those books so much and that movie let me down so hard(the effects were really good for the time though I must give them that)

Do you prefer reading your own books, or library books?

I am poor so library books all the way

How do you choose your next book to read?

I read descriptions until something strikes my interest. Or Jess recommends something to me.

Your favorite word.

Flourish

Book that got you hooked on reading/how you got hooked.

Mrs Peregrins Home for Peculiar Children, which isn’t a book I didn’t expect to like and didn’t have much interest in but the opening line of “I had just come to accept my life would be ordinary when extraordinary things began to happen” it was an interesting enough hook to draw me in. I was not disappointed, it’s a pretty great book

Opinion on dog-earing, margin writing, ect.

I dog ear books and write all over them. I love books and I love the stories they contain but I don’t think the pages of each individual book are sacred. My books look loved because they are loved. Unless I’m borrowing them then I don’t dog ear or write in them because that’s rude

Top 5 immediate to read in no order

The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black

Lady Midnight by Cassandra Clare

Lord of Shadows by Cassandra Clare

Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare

Most underrated book you’ve read

Tbh I don’t think I’ve read any underrated books. They’re all pretty highly rated

What is the first book that catches your eye when you look at your bookshelf?

My collectors copy of Sherlock Holmes because it’s beautiful and fancy and those stories hold a dead place in my heart

How do you arrange your books on your shelves?

I don’t arrange them, I just place them so that they fit, though I do keep series together

You have the power to change a book’s ending. Which ending would you change and what would you make happen instead?

Why do you do this to me.....okay I would definitely change the ending of Inheretence by Christopher Paolini. Tbh I wish he hadn’t written the fourth book at all and just left it with Eragon, Eldest, and Brisingr but if we accept this book then it must be changed. I would have liked to see more character growth from Murtagh especially, but also Eragon who really regressed in this book. And I think Galbatorix’ death was super anti climatic and didn’t really resolve all of the built up tension from the series, it was too easy and didn’t resolve anything at all.

And Eragon just abandons Arya and the riders and they separate themselves from each other after all they did together, several books of allusion to a relationship and all of the issues between them being resolved and he just leaves. The plot threads just weren’t resolved and honestly I would have to scrap the whole book for the most part and start over.

Favourite book cover?

The book covers for the Inheretence Cycle by Christopher Paolini hold a special place in my heart and are what drew me to that series in the first place. I bought hard covers just for the aesthetic of them

Which book from your childhood has had the most impact on you?

The Chronicles of Narnia, tbh, my first introduction to fantasy

When reading, what do you value most: writing style, characters, plot, world building, pacing, etc?

Characters are the most valuable to me, if I don’t love the characters I don’t love the book

Do you prefer buying books or borrowing them from a library/friend?

Borrowing, for sure

What books/sequels that are being published this year are you most excited for?

Unfortunately I haven’t read enough lately to know what’s coming out this year

Which fictional character would you want as a sidekick?

Samwise Gamgee all the way

How many books have you read so far this year?

Seven, all academic books

What’s been your favourite read so far this year?

The Heliand

You’re stuck on an island with a suitcase big enough to hold five books. What books are they?

Arghhhhh ummm.... the lord of the rings trilogy, Pride and Prejudice, and a book on survival tactics

If you had to go out to dinner with any character who would it be and why? What would you talk about?

Hmmmmm Bilbo Baggins because I wanna hear the hidden stories of his journeys

Is there a book you have such a hatred for that you would throw it off of the highest tower knowing that the last copy of it will be destroyed so that not another living soul can read it?

Inheretence by Christopher Paolini tbh

Do you believe books make nice decoration?

Yeah I do and one day I want to have book shelves displaying all my books

Do you listen to music when you read? Or do you need complete silence? 

I do listen to music because I can’t focus on just one thing at a time because I’m ridiculous

Do you have a favorite book? If not are you in the group that believes there are too many great books out there to just choose one?

I CANT CHOOSE I CANT CHOOSE I CANT CHOOSE I CANT CHOOSE I CANTTTFTTTT

Do you sleep with books under your pillow.

No because I move too much in my sleep I would destroy the poor thing

Do you go to the library or do you have a book buying addiction or are you one of those lucky people who is able to do both?

I definitely go to the library because I am poooorrrrr

Own any book inspired clothing?

I have a pride and prejudice book scarf and several Jane Austen necklaces

Have you ever read a book in another language?

Yep I read books in Latin all the time and I used to read books in Spanish because I used to be smart, what the fuck happened to that who knows

Strangest book you’ve ever read?

The Heliand

Favourite type of non-fiction?

Historical Drama, in which they tell real events but in the most dramatic way possible. The best.

Favourite non-fiction book?

I CANT CHOOSE I CANT CHOOSE I CANT CHOOSE I CANT CHOOSE I CANT CHOOSE (does hidden figures by Margot Lee Shetterly count? If not then I can’t decide)

Favourite subject to read about?

History, always, especially history involving regular people losing their shot

Favourite book you’ve read in school?

No Turning Back: The History of Feminism and the Future of Women by Estelle Freedman

Favourite work of Shakespeare?

Tbh I don’t like Shakespeare but Midsummer Nights Dream is most entertaining to me. Though I love merchant of Venice for all the jokes I get out of it on Bards Dispense Profanity

Character you’d love as a mom or dad or guardian?

All of them would be terrible parents and it would be so delightful but tbh I’d love to have Han Solo and Leia as my parents so I can beat the shit out of my bro Kyle Ron every time he tried to glorify space hitler

[fatedcipher]

     It’s over.  I beat Kingdom Hearts 3, a game I’ve waited thirteen years for.  And now that it’s all said and done?

     I’m just disappointed.

     What follows is mostly my stream of consciousness impressions of the game, put to text more to organize and vent than anything else.  Be warned of strong opinions and acerbic criticism.

The Good

Roxas

It was one scene, but it was one hell of a scene.  McCartney fucking killed it.

The Sea Salt Trio finally gets justice.  Xion and Axel finally wear something besides the coat.

I had Sora walk around and take selfies while Roxas and Xion effortlessly demolished Saix.  So much catharsis.

Demyx

Yeah, I know, last thing I was expecting too.

Had exactly zero patience for series melodrama.  Every other word out of his mouth had me laughing.

Dude stabbed evil mcdarkness in the back to do the good guys a huge solid and got away with it scot-free.

Lingering Will

He was on screen for all of five seconds, but I cheered for all five of them.

Namine was the one who called him in.

Should have been him to finish off Terranort, but close enough.

Half the Disney Characters

Telling the obnoxious villains to fuck off.

Actually making them fuck off in a couple instances.

Put that Edgelord back where he came from or so help me!

Hayner!  Pence!  Olette!

Twilight Gang actually contributing to the main plot again.

Them giving a shit about Roxas when they didn’t need to.

Fucking bamboozled SoD, he just didn’t know how to react to their Scooby Doo shenanigans.

Mixed Bag

Some of the Disney worlds were pretty charming and had good cast interactions.

Frozen’s world was not.

Sora using the fallen keys was visually breathtaking and played in well to his power to connect to other people.

It was a reference to the stupid mobile game that has only polluted the plot further.

TWEWY world effectively confirmed in whatever is next.

I may not actually want to play whatever is next.

Music

It practically goes without saying at this point but, JESUS CHRIST THERE’S SOME GOOD MUSIC IN THIS VIDEO GAME

OTHER PROMISE/VECTOR TO THE HEAVENS ARRANGEMENT SLAYED ME

I LOVE YOU YOKO SHIMOMURA

The Bad

Gameplay

Plays like a janky version of 2 with a botox injection of DDD flowmotion that only makes the game feel more awkward.

Clunky melee combos have too much start-up, most have no invincibility or even armor to prevent being hit out of them.

Only a handful of the keyblade transformations are actually useful, all of which are a massive step down from drive forms.

Shotlocks still feel like extraneous instant damage and add nothing to gamplay flow.

Oversaturation of minigames leaves several worlds light on actual combat.

Attraction flow is too easy to get, not fun to use, lasts too long, and leaves you vulnerable to damage.

Worlds are simultaneously expansive by individual area and depressingly small on an overall scale.  Most of Twilight Town is inaccessible, Destiny Islands and Radiant Garden can’t be visited.

General Plot and Storytelling

Generally poor writing that fails to resolve several plot threads and introduces ridiculous retcons that only create more questions.

There’s a scene where all of the good guys are in the same room having a discussion about how convoluted the plot is and Jiminy chimes in that they should read the in-game summaries on the in-game phone.  This was when the game crossed over into self-parody for me, and not in a good way.

The total absence of Final Fantasy characters save for the mention of Cloud and Auron at the start of Olympus eliminates half the appeal of what is ostensibly a crossover series.

Awful pacing, having the Disney worlds as unimportant filler with the majority of the plot happening in the last few hours of the game, following what has depressingly become the norm.

General cutscene incompetence, from characters being effortlessly overpowered by enemies to standing around unarmed and slackjawed waiting for said enemies to cut them down.

Bad dialogue and direction clearly mandated by someone who doesn’t speak English mars a number of moments that could have been good.  The script shines primarily when it escapes that ignorant control, which is not as often as it should be.

Mass death and revival scene was entirely pointless, as were the multiple Heartless swarms everyone was suddenly incapable of even putting up a fight against.

Death is still largely non-existent save for a few characters.

It made me more bitter and fed up with this series than DDD did and that is a fucking accomplishment.

Sora

How fucking dare you treat my precious boy like this, Nomura.

Half the cast spends half the game demeaning him and refuses to listen to him for no discernible reason, despite the fact he immediately solves every problem he is introduced to.

It’s not as bad as DDD, but he’s still written to be way less intelligent than he was in 1-2.

He’s the only one who doesn’t get a perfect happy ending and the only who actually seems to suffer any consequence to his actions, despite those consequences being utterly nonsensical.

It’s not even clear what the fucking “Power of Waking” is and he never needs it save for the artificial death scenes.

Riku

Every other line in the script is shilling him and how he’s somehow better than Sora.

This Yozora clown is literally just a palette swap of him.

Three Rikus in one scene.  It is laughable in how stupid it is.

He gets two playable sections and fights the same shitty boss in both.

He’s the one who goes to pick up Namine, not Roxas, Sora, or Kairi.

You can feel how much Nomura loves him and it repulses me.

Kairi

Her lively personality is completely absent along with any agency she might have once had.

Despite getting a keyblade and training the whole game, she gets halfway through a single fight before she’s easily kidnapped, held hostage, and callously executed.

None of her statements about protecting Sora are followed through on and are empty allusions to the first game.

SoKai is finally all but canon, yet the characters themselves hardly interact in the game and the Oathkeeper charm is never even brought up.

Namine

Her in-engine model is only ever used in the character files.

The only thing she does in the entire game is have a single conversation with Sora in the afterlife, in which he still fails to properly thank her.  

Riku is the one to pick her up after she gets a body because Nomura felt like awkwardly shifting Versus XIII’s unused dynamic onto two characters totally unrelated to it.

She’s still wearing the same white dress she has been since her introduction in CoM.

Aqua

Loses every fight she’s in to cutscene incompetence.

Seriously, you kick Vanitas’ ass in her only playable segment for her to throw herself spread eagle in front of some fireballs he throws out, it’s embarrassing.

Likewise jobs to Terranort and has to be saved by the COME GUARDIAN who is apparently Terra’s heartless?

Her single contribution to the plot is finding Ventus.

The refusal to let her age is just bizarre, the same extending to Ventus and Terra.

Antagonists

Xehanort remains nonsensically overpowered and omniscient, using time travel, clone bodies, and other contrivances to achieve his goals and have the heroes play straight into his hands until his actual last scene.

Multiple members of team dark don’t even have a good reason to work for the old man.  The former traitors are the ones to remain unfailingly loyal.

They show up to vaguely talk down to the heroes and/or wipe the floor with them before smugly disappearing without a scratch.  The only instances where this is even slightly averted are a couple scenes with the Disney characters and the defeat scenes in the final boss rush.

The majority of the villains are given cloying and contrived attempts at casting them in a sympathetic light when they have only ever been shown to be selfish, merciless, and cruel prior to their final defeats.  Xehanort himself is the absolute worst offender, being cast as a well-intentioned extremist at the last possible moment, despite this directly contradicting the entirety of his character prior.

     So yeah, Kindgom Hearts 3 isn’t that good of a game and has a story that’s legitimately quite poorly written and told overall.  Are my expectations inflated by the amount of time I’ve had to wait for this game?  Absolutely, but the series has been on a downward slope in quality since BBS and this was their big chance to correct course.  Even with the promise of TWEWY involvement in whatever is in the future, I can’t honestly say I’m interested in playing another Kingdom Hearts game after this disappointment and that’s depressing for someone who’s loved this series for so long.  There’s still a lot I want to write for Roxas and the rest of the cast, but when most of that stuff is attempting to revise the canon, it can be pretty discouraging.  All the same, I don’t want to give up on this blond haired kid and his friends just yet.  Their story’s too important to me to let it end like this.

[timetravelingheart]

My Side of the Fence Part Two: A.M. Imagine

Thank you so much for all of the love on the first part of this! I honestly wasn’t expecting anything and was just hoping for the best. I realized I didn’t do disclaimers on the first one, but I don’t know if this series will need any. I haven’t decided how comfortable I am writing smut yet, but if I choose to go down that road, I will definitely put a warning! Thank you again for reading. And as always, feedback and asks are always appreciated! 

Auston now knew that Savannah had two older brothers and one older sister, two nieces and two nephews, a 10-year-old Cocker Spaniel named Lola, and that she was extremely close with both of her parents. Her father was a civil engineer and her mother was an elementary teacher for children with special needs. He learned that she spoke fluent French, could understand Spanish but couldn’t speak it, and that she had a fairly strong grasp on Japanese from all of her travels there for competitions and summer performances. Of her favourite places she has visited, Japan and Amsterdam are at the top of her list. He also learned that she had never been to Arizona so he took it upon himself to share his love of his home state, and specifically his hometown. He apologized for droning on and on, but he saw the genuine interest in her eyes and believed the sincere smile she offered him when he saw it reach her eyes (and when she reached over to touch his arm and effectively sent shockwaves through his entire system, but he had tried to push that to the back of his mind for now). 

In the past two hours, he learned that she freckled in the sun and now had a light dusting across her nose and cheeks. He learned that she had a few different smiles; one that seemed to be specifically reserved for Steph in which it seemed like they were always sharing a secret or an inside joke with just their eyes; one that was more of a smirk when she was being sassy or sarcastic and calling people out on their shit (Mitch seemed to be the main recipient of that one so far); one that was her biggest, with a wide open mouth and her eyes closed as she threw her head back and laughed when something was really funny; and one that caused her whole face to light up but still look so serene and sincere, with her smile reaching her eyes and creating little crinkles around them (this was by far his favourite and it did things to his insides that he had yet to find a name for). 

He learned that she had a dry sense of humour that perfectly matched his own, that she was obviously competitive but more specifically with herself and not others, that she was passionate about human rights for all people, that she dreamt of going on mission trips once she was finished competing, and that she wanted to give back to the figure skating world by fighting for body positivity in a sport in which it was severely lacking and become a mentor for the up and coming generations of skaters. 

He learned that she was brilliant and beautiful and brave - and that he was utterly entranced by everything about her. God, was he ever in deep.

“All right ladies and gents,” Mo stood up from his place on the beach blanket and stretched his arms out high above his head, a little bit of his stomach peeking out from his black hoodie, “I think it’s time we reel it in for the night.”

As everyone rose from their comfortable positions and began collecting all of their things, Auston had a moment of panic when he realized that he was heading back to Arizona for a week and he wouldn’t get to see Savannah. Should he ask for her number? She seemed hesitant at first, but definitely warmed up to him by the end. But maybe he was misreading everything and she was just being friendly? Steph did say she wanted her to meet everyone and join the group, so maybe that’s all it had been for her, just making another friend in Toronto. She had talked to everyone in the group tonight, but none of them as much as him. Was that just because he desperately wanted her attention or because he was sitting right next to her? Fuck, he thought, I must be in deep if I’m this self-conscious over a girl. Before he could say anything else, Mitch turned to him and Savannah. 

“Sav, how did you get here today?” 

“I caught a ride with Brian. I completely forgot I didn’t have my car here!”

“Well you can ride with Steph and I. We have to drop Matts off too.”

“Perfect. Thanks Mitchy!” she leaned over and gave his side a light squeeze, picking up the chair and cooler that were still on the ground. 

“So you think you want to join us fools, Sav?” Morgan ruffled her hair a bit as they all walked towards the parking lots. “We’re probably the easiest of the entire group, so you might want to prepare yourself.”

“YOU’RE the easiest? God, do you play with a bunch of animals or something?” Sav joked, that sassy smirk stretching across her soft features. 

“Hey! We were told to be on our best behaviour tonight so we didn’t scare you away and cause Steph to dismember us and I think we did okay,” William laughed and Steph unlatched herself from Mitch’s side and shoved him, causing him to stumble a couple of steps in his flip flops. “Besides, you spent most of the night talking to Matts so if your impression is that we’re awful, we’re just going to blame him.”

Heat that rose to both Auston and Savannah’s faces at being called out for their slight separation from the group, but Savannah continued on as if nothing had happened. 

“Don’t worry, I think I can handle it,” Sav laughed lightly. 

“Well it was nice meeting you, Savannah! You’ll have to make it to our home opener,” Kasperi offered, as he reached over to give her a goodbye hug. 

“If I don’t have a competition or anything work-related going on, I will definitely consider it.” 

As they said their goodbyes to Kasperi, William, and Morgan, the rest of them climbed into Mitch’s car with Steph sitting in the passenger seat, and Savannah and Auston both sitting in the window seats in the back, with the empty seat between them holding their bags. 

“Matts, when do you get back?” Mitch asked, as he turned the radio down slightly, and got onto the highway. 

Savannah tried not to look too interested in the answer. Of course he would be leaving, he has the summer off and would want to go home. She tried to push away the disappointment she felt at knowing he wouldn’t be around for a bit. No, she thought. This is for the best. Space is for the best. The last thing Savannah needed was to fall for someone right now. No relationships during this quad. That was her rule. 

“I’m only going for a week,” he began, rubbing a large hand over his tired face, “Babs and Duby want me here to go over things with Johnny.”

“Do you think they’re going to make him captain?” Steph inquired. 

“Probably. I mean, he has the most experience, he’s going to be the number one centre, so why not? I think he’s the best for the job, if they don’t end up picking Mo.” 

Savannah had heard a little bit about all of this from Steph, who heard from Mitch, that despite all of the reports stating otherwise, Auston was really excited to have Tavares join the team and didn’t care at all about being named captain. He thought they could be the next two-headed monster(which was the funniest description of two hockey players she thought she had ever heard) like Crosby and Malkin. His role was to still be a leader on and off the ice regardless of the letter he wore or didn’t wear, and she was really impressed by the lack of ego.

“Savvy, are you here for the rest of the month or are you off jet-setting somewhere?” Steph turned a bit to face the back of the car. 

Now it was Auston’s turn to pretend like he wasn’t overly interested in the answer. Where was she going? She just got here! 

“I’m not sure yet,” Sav yawned mid-sentence (and when Auston thought it was the most adorable thing, he once again thought about how deep he was in this). “I will be here for this week, but I have a lot of meetings with Skate Canada about this upcoming season and what is expected of me. They want me to be more of a face of the figure skating world now that I’ve won gold and that Tessa and Scott are likely retiring. I am going to be traveling a little bit at the end of the month and in September to guest at their Thank You, Canada tour and I also have two more Stars on Ice shows to do, one here and one in Ottawa.”

“We should totally go to one of your shows!” Steph clapped her hands excitedly, speaking way too loudly for how late at night it was. 

“Well I think Connor is going to be coming to the Toronto one when he visits home before heading back to Edmonton for the season. His mom was really excited when we gave her tickets, and I think she said she was dragging him along.”

“Davo’s coming home!” Mitch hollered from the front. “That fucker is supposed to take me for a round of golf before the season starts so I can at least kick his ass at one sport.”

Rolling her eyes, Sav continued. “Sure, whatever you say Mitchy. All right, this is me,” she started collecting her things as they pulled up to her apartment complex. 

“This is Brownie’s building,” Auston pointed out, recognizing the colouring of the building and the surrounding area. 

“Brownie?” Sav’s nose scrunched. “Ohh! Connor Brown is Brownie? I don’t know why I forgot that he would be here!”

“You know him?” Auston turned to her for the first time since they got in the car. 

“Yeah, he used to play in Erie with Connor so we hung out whenever Connor and I did. Thanks for tonight, guys. I really had a lot of fun.” Sav began to get out of the car, but as she was rolling up the sleeves on her long hoodie, she realized what she was still wearing. “Oh! Auston, thank you so much for lending me this. Even if it is absolutely a sin that I wore it.” She reached the ends of the hoodie and pulled it up over her head, her tank top rising with it and revealing the undersides of her purple bikini. Auston felt all of the blood rush to his head, and other body parts that he was trying to ignore, as his eyes scanned the tanned and toned expanse of her stomach, his mind immediately wondering what it would feel like to run his hands and mouth along her soft skin. 

Distracted, Auston didn’t notice that everyone in the car was now staring at him expectantly; Sav confused and wondering if he had heard her; Steph and Mitch amused with Steph fighting to hold back her grin and Mitch making no such effort, loving that his best friend was such a fool for someone as amazing as Savannah. Auston didn’t move or react until Sav cleared her throat, heat rising to his cheeks for what felt like the millionth time that day. God, who knew he could be such a loser with girls when he was genuinely interested in them. 

“Oh, thanks,” he coughed lightly and trying to recover with wit he added, “maybe next time you wear something of mine it will be with my name on the back.”

Savannah’s eyes squinted slightly. “I’m pretty sure my body will spontaneously burst into flames if I put on one of those jerseys, Auston. But thanks anyway!” she laughed and sent him what she thought was an innocent wink. “All right, thanks again Mitchy. Steph, I’ll call you tomorrow. Mani/pedis? My treat?”

“You have yourself a date! I’ll buy lunch. Love you!” she blew an air kiss at her person. 

“Love you too, munchkin. Bye guys.” 

After they were sure she was safely inside the building, Mitch pulled out of the parking lot and continued towards Auston’s complex. Everyone was silent for the majority of the ride, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally, feeling like he was going to bust a gut if he didn’t say something, Mitch spoke up. 

“Maybe next time you wear something of mine it will have my name on the back,” he mocked, trying to mimic Auston’s deeper voice, laughing even louder when Steph started laugh and Auston groaned and let his head fall back onto the seat behind him. And now he knew that not only was he a complete goner, but everyone else seemed to know as well. This was going to make for interesting locker room chats. Great. Just great. 

“Shut up and drive, Mitchy. Just shut up and drive.”

[anime-or-anigay]

Haikyuu x Shakespeare: Taming of the Shrew (also: 10 things I hate about you)

This is going to be the first in what I hope will become a series of Haikyuu x Shakespeare AU ideas, because I like Shakespeare and Haikyuu and have too many feelings, ok...

This is based off Taming of the Shrew, although I have combined it a bit with the storyline from 10 Things I Hate About You, which was inspired by Taming of the Shrew in the first place, so we have come full circle. 

Pairings:  Iwaoi, Bokuaka, Kuroken (side)

Hajime and Keiji are brothers.

Keiji, the younger of the two, is utterly beautiful and much sought after by men and women alike across the land. 

Hajime, though also gorgeous and smart, is abrasive and considered too grumpy and brutish for someone in the upper class, therefore, many label him ‘undateable’. 

He doesn’t care though - he’s not looking for a suitor and anyone he does meet is never worth his time, so why should it bother him if people don’t want to date him?

Things change though, when Keiji turns 18, because suddenly his suitors are no longer distant admirers and many start to ask for his hand in marriage. 

Therefore, in order to stop the onslaught of people asking for his son, the two brothers’ father comes up with a rule - Keiji cannot date anyone until his older brother finds a suitor.

Of course, since no one wants to date Hajime, this is the perfect plan to stop the suitors and slowly those asking for Keiji’s hand start to fall away. 

Bokuto, a lowly college student, however, is completely head over heels for Keiji, so when he hears of this new rule in place, he is distraught. 

He goes out with his best friend, Kuroo, one night and speaks of his distress, of how unfair it is that he should not be allowed to ask Keiji out.

Kuroo, seeing how upset his friend is over this, devises a plan. He says knows of someone who can woo anyone, even the famously bitter and undateable Hajime. 

This persons name is the infamous Oikawa Tooru, otherwise known as ‘The Grand King’. 

Bokuto goes to The Grand King and outright asks for his help, but Oikawa refuses, saying ‘what’s in it for him?’ 

At first, Bokuto tries to play the card that ‘conquering the unconquerable Hajime will be good for his reputation’, which Oikawa considers, as he is a lover of his reputation, but he refuses, saying it’s not really worth the trouble as his reputation is already pretty amazing. 

In the end, Bokuto ends up offering him ¥30,000 to do it, which is nearly all his earnings for a month, but, as far as he is concerned, Keiji is worth it. 

Oikawa, seeing how desperate the man is, finally agrees, although he points out that Bokuto hasn’t actually won Keiji’s heart yet either, so surely all this could be entirely pointless.

Bokuto counters that he is determined Keiji will like him, so Oikawa just has to win Hajime’s heart and everything will be fine. 

For more, see below the cut...

Thus ensues Oikawa wooing Hajime shenanigans. 

He tries everything from bringing flowers to researching Hajime’s likes and dislikes, but every attempt of his gets shut down by the other. 

He almost makes it to the point where he is ready to give up the  ¥30,000 and declare the other is not worth it but Oikawa Tooru cannot lose (and if he finds he is actually enjoying the challenge of wooing the abrasive Hajime, then no one needs to know).

Meanwhile, Bokuto is working on Keiji. He has managed to persuade Keiji’s father to hire him as Keiji’s tutor for college entrance exams (though this often leads to Keiji pointing out he actually knows more than his tutor on a number of occasions).

But Keiji finds the crazy tutor endearing, and they are starting to fall for each other, only held back by the knowledge that Keiji cannot date until Hajime does. 

Hajime, on the other hand, is getting increasingly confused and frustrated by the attention this ‘Oikawa Tooru’ is showering him with. 

Oikawa is everything he hates about upper class society - pretentious, snobbish and dishonest. 

Things change, however, (as they often do) at a party, when Hajime sees his ex, the one person he ever tried to date, trying to hit on Keiji (Bokuto, as only a tutor, wasn’t invited to the family/high society party). This person, Hajime had thought, had been the one person who seemed to share Hajime’s views about upper class society and expectations and they had dated for a while, til the person had screwed him over and turned out to be everything Hajime hated and only dating Hajime to get to Keiji in the first place (and then people wonder why he won’t date).

Hajime decides he’s tired of all the rules and regulations of society and the way even his own family and people he’s supposed to consider friends whisper about him and how he’s ‘a disappointment’, and he gets shit-faced drunk. 

He makes a fool out of himself but he couldn’t care less, until it’s Oikawa taking care of him and taking him home. The pair start to open up with each other, Hajime confessing his history with the person at the party and why he doesn’t date and Oikawa confessing that, despite his reputation as a ‘playboy’, he actually doesn’t sleep around and cares more about finding something meaningful in a relationship then he lets on. 

After this night, the pair start to warm to each other, and, much to Hajime’s distress, he finds Oikawa working his way into his head and heart, and eventually he agrees to go on a date with him.

In celebration, and much to the father’s dismay, Bokuto finally asks Keiji to date him. 

Keiji, of course, agrees, although only if he never has to have Bokuto try to tutor him again. He points out that maybe he should be the one doing the tutoring.

The happiness is not long lasting, however, as Hajime’s ex, bitter now that Keiji is allowed to date and hasn’t chose them, reveals that Oikawa was paid all along to woo Hajime. 

Hajime, hurt and furious, immediately breaks up with the other man, realising that of course it had all been a plot all along. 

But Oikawa, now, really has fallen for Hajime and he tries to explain that when he found he really had feelings for the other he had given the ¥30,000 back straight away.

It isn’t enough though, so Oikawa does everything he can to try and get Hajime back, including totally embarrassing himself by totally destroying his perfect reputation in front of everyone at one of his own family’s lavish parties when he reads out a poem called ‘All things shit and terrible’ (that he and Hajime had started when drunk after some high society party they had attended together when they were dating) instead of giving a speech like he was supposed to. It went a little like this:

“There are plenty of things shit and terrible, about parties and riches and rules, The fuck-ups, the make ups, The lies and the break-ups, The only thing decent is you.  There are plenty of things shit and terrible, about manners and people and truths, They shape us, the make us, They wreck us, they hurt us,  I never meant for them to hurt you.  There are plenty of things shit and terrible, about con-men and liars and fools, But through all of the madness, The lies and the sadness, I will only ever be a fool for you.”

And resulted in him being thrown out of the party for disgracing his family, using such foul language in front of the other guests. 

Hajime, overcome with both second-hand embarrassment and mirth at how shit the poem still was, also leaves and catches up with Oikawa outside. 

He finally agrees to take Oikawa back, even though he still thinks he’s a total idiot, and they make-up and make out outside the party.

“Was it really worth it, though? I mean, embarrassing yourself like that, earning the disappointment of your family and everyone else with it, all for... whatever this is.” Oikawa smiled softly, a rare genuine smile, something Hajime had learned to cherish when they were together. He let out a small chuckle. “Yeah. Yeah, it really was.”

Then there’s a final scene with Oikawa, Kuroo and Bokuto arguing over who really has the best boyfriend now. Kuroo argues Kenma is clearly the best because they’ve been together through all of this with no drama or issues like the other two had. Bokuto argues that Keiji is obviously the best because, well, he’s Keiji. But Oikawa says that he thinks, after everything, Hajime has actually turned out to be the best boyfriend because, despite the gruff surface, he is the most caring and cherishing of the three boyfriends by far.

This argument results in a ridiculous bet whereby they will prove who has the best boyfriend by playing ‘the catching test’. This basically entails them running and jumping into their boyfriend’s arms when they aren’t expecting it and if they catch you, you win, but if they drop you, you lose. 

Kuroo goes first because “obviously Kenma will catch me, we’ve been dating for three years so our trust is impenetrable.” He goes for it when Kenma is standing waiting for him playing his video game. Kuroo runs and jumps, but he falls just short of Kenma and lands butt first on the tarmac in front of his boyfriend. Kenma doesn’t even look up from the game. 

Bokuto, cackling, goes next, determined that his Keiji would never let him fall. He runs and jumps, but Keiji, on reflex, sidesteps at the last minute, and Bokuto, too, ends up in a heap on the floor. (”Bokuto-san, that was incredibly dangerous. You should be well aware that I am not capable of carrying your weight. Please never do that again, or you will hurt yourself.”)

Finally, it’s Oikawa’s turn. He runs and jumps at his boyfriend, who yells “Not right now, Shittykawa, I’m carrying drinks!” But he drops the drinks straight away, letting them crash to the floor as he stretches out his arms and catches his crazy boyfriend. 

(Oikawa saunters back to the other two, who’s jaws have dropped considerably. “ And that, gentlemen,” he grins, mimicking a scissor motion with his outstretched fingers, “is what you call perfect trust.”)

Oikawa wins the bet. 

[centaurianthropology]

The Magnus Archives ‘We All Ignore the Pit’ (S03E17) Analysis

Hoooo … for those of you who listen to these on public transit, fair warning: this one was, for me, the scariest episode in a long damn time.  The statement is phenomenal, and got a real gut reaction out of me at one point.  And there’s a character who … you know what?  Just listen to it.  Because this?  This is the good stuff.  Come on in to hear what I have to say about ‘We All Ignore the Pit.’

It’s nice to get a proper statement read from Sims after so many either shortened ones or ones that are directly related to the larger story.  Sometimes it’s great to get something just a little more distant from the action, make everything feel less driven toward a single point.  And acting as a departure from the primary action, I couldn’t have asked for better.  It’s classic horror fare of a guy moving into a small town with a dark secret, but with a very TMA twist.  Plus it ended up bulking out the feel of the horror landscape of America in this universe, which was a lot of fun.  

Honestly, my only minor quibble with the episode was how obviously British the narrator was.  Trying to write in another cultural dialect is seriously hard, and usually requires a dedicated editor to go through the script and make phrasing suggestions, so I get why that might not have been feasible.  And honestly, as a native American, nothing was ever bad enough to drag me out of the flow of the story.

And what a story it was.  The feel of Bucoda was perfect, and really managed to capture the sense of a small town when you’re from the outside.  I also really appreciated how often the narrator mentioned that he might be blowing details out of proportion after the fact.  It lends the whole story a nice sense of the concrete.  This is a guy who had a weird thing happen to him, but he couldn’t say how much of it was weird and how much he invented to correlate with the weirdness.  

I also liked how well this story set up, in a thousand subtle ways, that the horror landscape, the powers in control, and the feel of the terror in America is decidedly different to that in Britain in this universe.  Having the Vast and the Below (which is what I’ll be calling it until I get a more official name) be the main focus of American horror works well, particularly given the sense that a lot of this horror plays out in the more rural portions of America (the majority of the North American landmass is rural), and calls to mind miners and clear and empty plains.  If Britain of the TMA universe feels like Robert Chambers and MR James got together and had a horror baby, America is unapologetically the purview of Ambrose Bierce.  And I really like the sense of contrast hinted at in these two horror landscapes.  

I also have to say that, of all the entities, the Below is starting to scare me the most.  Maybe it’s the creeping sort of scary it exudes.  Maybe it’s because we know so little about it or what it does or what its motivations might be.  It’s the most unknown of the major entities, at least to Sims and to the audience, and that makes it worrisome.  It also helps that the Below has had consistently fantastic stories.  Building on the strong foundations of ‘Dig’ and the absolute bedrock of this series that was ‘Lost Johns’ Cave’, this episode approaches the latter in terms of horror and narrative tightness.  The story told here is a classic horror tale, yes, but no less strong because of it.  Hell, the dream with the teeth and the tongue?  I actually started grinning like an idiot because it was so perfectly creepy.  I haven’t felt creeped out like this by one of TMA’s statements since some of the best episodes of season 1.  I know I don’t often dig into the statements during these analyses, since I focus on meta, but I just had to take the time to sing this statement’s praises.  Strong doesn’t begin to cover it.  It cracked my top 5 statements from this show easily, and has lingered with me for days.

And really, topping what was an utterly glorious horror story off with the introduction of Nikola Orsinov (and even explaining why she has a male patronymic!), played to eerie, horrific perfection by Jessica Law?  Oh, it was good.  She’s an utterly delicious villain, and deeply frightening on a fundamental level.  I’ve always found that cheery monsters were by far creepier than ones that seemed entirely serious.  The decision to make her as alien as Michael, but far more threatening was brilliant, and her entire approach to coming after Jon was a breath of fresh air.

I love that, instead of killing one of his assistants or menacing him, she basically pops by to ask him if he wouldn’t be so kind as to find that skin for her.  Sure, there are threats, but the line ‘that would be lovely!’ when he asked her if she expected him to just hand the skin over was fantastic.  And I also love the notion that she needs the skin to wear.  It’s so simple, but makes perfect sense for a plastic being that requires the skin of others to perform basic tasks.  

And of course, we find out in this episode what exactly happened to Gregor Orsinov.  Apparently, having created a monstrous daughter, she got bored one day and repurposed all his bits.  Nikola not only accepts that she’s a monster, she embraces it.  She has a fantastic sense of self-confidence and cheer which makes her horrific actions all the more powerful.  I loved her instantly. 

Another note that I think is relevant on a meta level is her use of darkness to hide herself from Jon.  I don’t know about anyone else, but I was more than a little convinced that when Jon stepped into that darkness, he was no longer in Georgie’s place, but in the same strange stone cathedral described in ‘Growing Dark’, a location that only seems to exist when you can’t see it.  Likewise, I think that this is yet more evidence that the darkness and the People’s Church are different extensions of the Stranger

Oh, and it wouldn’t be an episode of TMA in season 3 without Jon being a complete moron, apparently.  Who was still at Georgie’s place despite insisting that he should leave before she was endangered?  Jon.  Whose home is now known to the Stranger, and has been invaded by Nikola?  Georgie.  I swear to god, if Jon gets Georgie’s skin stolen because he was too stupid to move back into his own place once he got his job back, I’m going to smack him one.  And a flayed and undead Georgie, now fully claimed by the End, might well smack him too.

Seriously, Jon, get the hell back to your own damn apartment, and keep your problems safely in your wheelhouse.  

The final interesting tidbit that I found myself thinking about during this exchange was Nikola’s statement that she wanted to wear the skin when she ‘danced the world anew’.  What I realized was how much creation and art seem to be a focus of the Stranger.  Nikola wants to wear a taxidermy skin, the definition of turning death into art.  She plans to dance, creating a story with her body and a world with her movements.  Even Nikola herself is a deliberately crafted plastic being who creates other plastic beings like her.

I think that the Desolation might actually stand as opposed to the Stranger as the Beholding does.  As the Desolation destroys all, consumes all, the Stranger creates.  It remakes.  Nothing, from the victims of the Anglerfish to the bits remaining of Gregor Orsinov, are wasted.  

Everything can be reworked.  The world won’t end with the Unknowing; it will be made.  Hell, it might have already been made several times.  For all Jon knows, the world he’s living in could be the result of previous Unknowings.  With a soft apocalypse in which everything changes but very few die, how would you know hundreds of years after the fact that it had happened at all?  The change has become reality.  The vagueness of the concept of the Unknowing, the delicacy and the art of it, is fascinating.  I love the notion that everything about the Unknowing is actually cloaked in creation.  

The Stranger is beautiful, and active, and alive.  And that makes Nikola all the more terrifying as a villain.

Conclusions

I’m thrilled that, after last week’s disappointment, this show is very much back on top in my eyes.  This is a cracking statement and a hell of an introduction for Nikola, very nearly as chilling as the introduction to Michael last season.  Nikola feels infinitely strange and infinitely threatening in the most genial way possible.  Jessica Law completely nailed the delivery (I also love that TMA is quietly drawing on all the Mechanisms one by one).  She’s uncanny and terrifying, but also has a beauty and a joy to her voice.  Nikola, I think, believes herself to be the heroine to this story.  She’s taking a boring world and creating something far more beautiful out of it.  She’s wresting control of it from the staid hands of the Beholding, and she’s actually DOING something with it.  

And I love her.  I’m thrilled that season 3 (and possibly more) has a villain this rivetingly unhinged.  Jon’s now stuck having to either acquiesce to her request, knowing he’s letting her get closer to the Unknowing, or to try and stop her.  I’m interested, honestly, to see if Elias can see in her darkness (I would bet he can’t, and that keeping out his prying eye was a big reason why Nikola wouldn’t let Jon turn on the light).  If he can, I want to know how he’ll react to all this.  If he can’t, how insistent is he going to be that Jon fill him in?

I’m interested in Elias’ reaction mostly because we can basically be guaranteed that Jon is going to do whatever seems stupidest at the time.  I love him, but the man is a complete and total disaster.  I despair that he’ll do something sensible like get away from Georgie before her skin gets repurposed, or talk to his assistants about anything of substance.  Could I at least suggest that he start small and try bringing them tea?  Maybe give them all spa days or something.  God knows they’ll deserve it after all this shit hits the fan.

[blatherkatt]

oh whoops i meant to ask this earlier but i forgot. if your still doing the 500 words thing i'd love to know bro's thought process around this section - Derek didn’t turn around. Dirk watched as his face changed ever so slightly from whatever vague condescension it’d had before back into full neutrality, utterly unreadable. "Me an’ your brother were just…establishing a few things,” he said. “Boy’s gonna need to understand how things work around here, after all.”

oh mAN ehck yeah lets talk about this ahole a bit 

although i can’t go into full detail yet because a lot of how he acts and thinks re: Dave is based on some stuff that hasnt been revealed yet, but I’ll go into it as best I can 

#abuse tw under the cut 

ok first heres ~500 words following after the line in question 

Derek didn’t turn around. Dirk watched as his face changed ever so slightly from whatever vague condescension it’d had before back into full neutrality, utterly unreadable. “Me an’ your brother were just…establishing a few things,” he said. “Boy’s gonna need to understand how things work around here, after all.”

Dave hesitated a moment longer, and then stepped closer, his right hand clenching and unclenching into a fist as he spoke, his voice growing in volume as he did. “You — you said you’d leave him alone, Bro. You said if I fuckin’, behaved, did shit the way you wanted, you’d let him be, and I’ve — I’ve been doing every mundane bullshit thing you asked me to do!” Derek’s face settled into the slightest hint of annoyance as he turned his face halfway toward Dave, who kept talking. “Fuck, I’ve been cleaning this shitty old house all day, putting up with all kinds of bullshit from the rest of the goddamn Usuals, come on! Leave him alone, that was — that was the fuckin’ deal!”

The blow landed so quickly, Dirk didn’t even register what had happened at first; there was a loud crack and then the old man was standing, fully facing Dave, who was reeling backwards, his whole body spinning sideways with the force. His shades clattered off into the darkness of the cellar somewhere as Dave, now facing away from Dirk, leaned one arm against the wall, shaking.

It took seeing Derek lightly flexing the fingers on his right hand for Dirk to piece together what had happened, and at that point, Dave had already recovered enough to scramble to retrieve his shades.

“Git t’ fuck back over here, I ain’t done with you yet,” Derek said. Dave mumbled something Dirk couldn’t make out, and scrambled back over, his shoulders hunched and trembling. Dave leaned back against the wall as Derek loomed over him, dead silent for a long moment. With just as little warning as the slap (if it could be fucking called that, Jesus), Derek’s fist collided with the wall above Dave’s head. Dave jerked, startled. “Fuckin’ look at me when I’m talkin’ t’ you,” Derek hissed, and Dave straightened up, still pressed tight against the wall but with his head facing towards his father (and Dirk could see the side of his face already looking red, see cracks on the lens of his shades). Derek leaned down slightly, his voice dropping so low and quiet, Dirk had to strain to hear it. “I didn’t say shit about leavin’ him alone, and I know for a fact I raised you better than to talk outta turn.”

“Sorry.”

what a douche

but alright so 

Derek like…did actually care about Dave once upon a time. he was always abusive but (and this is no excuse mind u) he was at one point genuinely doing it because he had this idea of shaping the kid to be a warrior…and then he took Dave out on a raid for the first time and was surprised when his thirteen year old son who’d always been the gentlest of his kids (which isnt necessarily saying a whole lot but still worth noting) refused to kill. And starting at about that point (like it didnt change overnight but it was p rapid) Dave went from being his son to basically an easy target for Derek to be angry at, which. Is a thing he’s constantly looking for for reasons I can’t go into much because Spoilers. (It starts w/ Uncle Dave ofc but I mean beyond that I can’t say much yet). The kid’s a disappointment now, a failure, and the more Dave fails to live up to Derek’s ridiculous expectations the more reinforced that becomes. 

There was also that one single time Derek caught Dave directly disobeying him, the moment he got caught talking to Jade over pesterchum that he told Karkat about, and Derek thinks he taught Dave not to disobey him ever in that moment (he didn’t, he just taught the kid to not get caught but he doesnt realize this). 

So anyway all that backstory is to set up that in this particular scene he’s here talking to Dirk, and his long term plan for keeping both the boys here basically amounts to ‘Dave won’t run, and he’ll do anything to keep Dirk safe, so he’ll be easier to manipulate with Dirk here; and Dirk won’t leave without Dave, and will do things he doesn’t want to for Dave’s sake’ and he’s confident enough in this that he’s basically telling Dirk what he’s gonna do to Dirk’s face. And then Dave comes in and talks out of turn, which is something he’s doing because he got used to living with people who, you know, respect him and see him as an actual person. And Derek’s thinking here that this kid knows better than to question him or talk like this, especially when he’s in the middle of something, so he’s just waiting at first for Dave to remember the goddamn rules. Not very long, because he’s not patient when it comes to Dave, but still. And when Dave doesn’t get the message from Derek looking slightly annoyed at him, he, as Derek would put it, ‘gets to deal with the consequences.’ 

Clearly, Dave’s gone soft in his time with Rachel, which is about what Derek expected, and therefore the kid’s gonna need a firm hand to get him back into shape and blah blah boy i feel like a douche just writing how this guy thinks sometimes lmao. anyway ofc Dave snaps back into his old way of thinking as soon as he’s hit, which is exactly what Derek wanted – plus it has the added bonus of demonstrating to Dirk that Derek’s got Dave right where he wants him. 

he’s also like. ‘what the fuck kid what makes you think that i make /deals/ with you, you’re not my equal you’re gum on the bottom of my shoe’ and doesn’t actually care if he did say anything about not hurting dirk if dave behaved. the important part is that Dave knows his place. 

(the biggest plot twist of this entire series is that the guy who thinks like this now used to be an actual decent person once believe it or not. i say plot twist jokingly because its rly not n were gonna see some of him being decent when he was younger in the next chapter but like….yeah he wasnt always like this. doesnt change the fact that hes despicable now!!!)