#before you comment 'but he did bad things!' yeah he's the villain of course.

[wabirudenniskenji]

actually. continuing on from the tags of my last post, octavian really suffers from rick not fleshing out him out. he plays a large (sidecharacter) role in hoo yet at the end of the day very little is known about him which in turn leads a lot of fans to write him off as a 2D villainous bad guy then ignore him or solely bash on him and nothing else. there's sympathy for luke despite his actions because we know his reasonings and how he got to the point he's at. octavian is not given the same graces as luke because so little is known about him, not even just his motives but him in general.

it's a shame to see considering he had all this potential for what he could be but it was discarded because there was so much else going on in hoo that no time was made for him. in the end, he was hastily written off by the author and is written off by the fans in turn. it's really quite tragic because he is a good character just vastly underdeveloped when compared to the characters around him.

[jesswritesthat]

Bakugou Katsuki: Killer Skills

Fandom: BNHA // MHA — [ Masterlist ]

Summary: 1.2k, angst, fluff

• Being an ex-assassin provides skill, but when your secret is shared it makes things complicated with an explosive pro.

Warnings: Mature language, pro-hero age, mentions of killing.

>>>>——————————>

Never had you expected to be the catalyst of one night drastically changing form, yet neither had you expected your life to be thrust into the light by explosives either.

Calmly you stood, arms folded and expectant brow raised at said explosive.

"Look I'm not asking for help shadow shit, just a sous chef. I'm getting the extras together and need a hand since they're all still fucking useless in the kitchen."

"Alright, what are we making Katsuki?" Still addressing him so informally left him diverting his gaze but he gave a detailed list of his menu with vicious confidence.

—

It wasn't until hours later when surrounded by former classmates of UA did you feel minor pressure, even though you were trained to fit into any situation, this was still unnerving despite Bakugou giving a shoddy introduction. So many heroes, so many former enemies...

Did they didn't even know who you were?

What you were?

"Wow Bakugou, you finally found someone who's as good with a knife as you are!" The commentary of a bright brunette ripped you from your depths, the woman bubbly and impressed by the sight of the two of you dicing vegetables.

"Still think it's weird round face?"

"Yeah, how'd you get so skilled (L/n)?" Your blade paused mid strike upon hearing her question, low and regretful reply breathed into the world.

"Having skill with knife is pivotal to an assassin, luckily such a talent can be applied to various situations."

Aside from to Katsuki, you think it's the first truth you've told.

The room fell silent, Uraraka stepping back ever so slightly nearer the comfort of Izuku and beside you there was a prevalently harsh whisper from Bakugou.

"Shit."

That's when you realised you'd screwed up, of course they didn't know, Dynamight probably hadn't a chance to tell them nor the priority to either.

"Assassin? (L/n)-san you...?" The gravity quirk user stuttered out, the heroes in the room suddenly more defensive and dawned upon you one by one.

"Not anymore but my hands aren't clean and they never will be. However I'm trying to be better, now that I'm free. I swear upon my life."

"You are The Shadow, right? I suspected as such after their mysterious prolonged absence." Izuku decided, just as Katsuki predicted he would, but never had you been disappointed by sheer terror and anger tainting once gleaming faces before. Until now.

"I was. Then like you said, I disappeared. I made my first choice in a long time and chose to kill myself so I wouldn't be forced to do anything else I didn't want to." With your harrowing explanation and final assassination poetically being that of your previous alias, the room fell tensely silent once more upon the digestion of such a tale.

"You're responsible for so many d—" They were cut off before they could finish (but you knew where it was going) by the deafening sound of a knife stabbing into your chopping board with knuckles white on its handle. You felt the dangerous presence towering behind you, enough to make anyone think twice about a comment so brash.

"Bakubro why aren't you saying anything?! You should be blowing up right now unless—" A flash of realisation as Kirishima settled upon his friends' protective frame. "—you knew."

"'Course I knew, you think I'm an idiot?!" The blonde aggressively barked back, you felt his riding temperature against your back as he leaned forward slightly.

"No but this is insane! Since when were you one for villain redemption?"

"Like you fuckers can talk about redemption, we've seen plenty of assholes do bad things and sometimes it ain't their choice. You still saved them didn't you?" A knowing look was directed at Deku, who already seemed to emphasise.

"Kacchans' right, we can't assume a situation based on actions. Only that if a lighter path is what (L/n)-san has chosen, then we should support it until given reason otherwise." Miraculously the words of this admired man seemed to resonate with them, yet Katsuki remained somewhat defensive and hadn't revoked himself entirely from your space quite yet.

"Besides, if (Y/n) wanted to kill any of you, you'd be dead already. Take that as a trusting start." He made a point of eating your food, almost as if making an example of his guests' unanimous wariness once stepping back to his station.

"Katsuki! Don't say that, it doesn't help my case."

"What?! It's not a fucking lie, you even gave me a hard time." He bit back defensively, glaring daggers that all most matched the sharpness of yours.

"Someone who made Bakugou sweat? I'd like to take a crack at sparring you sometime if you wouldn't mind." Kirishima seemed revitalised with newfound admiration that was mildly unnerving, maybe this new hero generation hadn't forgiven your crimes but they were willing to get to know you at the very least.

"Uh— I mean I'm trying to be better, if helping you improve accomplishes that then I'll participate." You bowed, Katsuki only snorting and providing a venue proposal.

"Could use my training room? It's been a while since I've seen shitty hair and Pikachu get their asses kicked."

———

So after turning the night upside down, Red Riot and Chargebolt became your opponents in an orchestrated game.

"Alright I have two powders, if you get marked you are dead as per my previous occupation. If you can hit me, you both win." Came your brief explanation, holding up a pair of red fingertips on your left hand which everyone agree and understood.

With that, the onlookers could only watch as you manoeuvred varying attacks, sidestepping, jumping, and swishing past jolts of electric whilst simultaneously avoiding the hardened combat from Eijirou.

Suddenly, after about 3 minutes, you came to a solid stop which allowed Kaminari to barrel into you rather unceremoniously a second later who dizzily voiced his victory.

"I got them!" A panting breath. "I win!"

A chorus of applause and laughter echoed in the room with comments spewing from observations.

"Kiri check your back man!"

"Denki... you've got a little something..." Jirou vaguely gestured to her forehead and lo and behold when mirroring her actions, his fingers came back dusted with scarlet powder.

"Also I should say that the second powder was UV sensitive, so if Katsuki kindly adjusts the lighting?"

Immediately there was gasps of astonishment, both bodies were decorated with reflective vibrant marks that almost made you feel sick of your own competence.

"Woah?! You coulda killed use twenty times over and we didn't even manage to zap you!"

"Told ya morons." Katsuki joined your side, a nudge to your arm to knock you from your worrying thoughts and a diverting suggestion to get you away from the situation. "Let's eat, we didn't go through all that shit to waste the food you damn extras!"

"Sweet, then you can tell us the story of how you both met over dinner!" Despite being beaten, Kaminari had newfound interest in your past life as did the rest of the heroes - you couldn't blame them, you were infamous for a reason.

The domino sound of agreement left you snapping to the host in mild panic upon the possibility of having to relinquish such a turbulent memory. You hadn’t even told him he’s the reason you quit killing and he hadn’t dared bring up that kiss you shared in case it meant nothing to you. A seemingly mutual whisper escaped both of your lips.

"Shit."

<——————————<<<<

[ Masterlist ]

[sanarsi]

Flying days and nights

ex-boyfriend!Dieter Bravo x f!Reader

Summary: You and Dieter broke up because of his addiction. Despite that, he's going to do anything to have you in his arms again. Warnings: pure angst (but with happy ending), reading offensive comments, self-hatred, mention of drugs, addiction, drunk!Dieter, toxic relationship, mention of suicide, emotional instability!reader, mention of rehab, sub!soft!Dieter Wordcount: 5,4k An: This is pure angst because I've been feeling like shit lately and I wanted to lash out :) Enjoy reading now or later when you're in the mood for some sadness xx Music I worked with: Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby - Cigarettes After Sex

Masterlist

Everyone already knew.

You and Dieter broke up.

It shouldn't have surprised you, because you knew who your ex-boyfriend was, and yet, you were shocked by how many things had appeared about you on the internet in such a short time. It had only been two weeks, how on earth had everyone found out about it?

Stupid question.

You knew the answer very well.

You were furious. At yourself, at him, at the whole fucking world that judged you even though it didn't understand. You had been through hell for the last few months of your relationship, and now you were going through another because you had become the villain in this whole story.

You didn't know why you were doing it.

Maybe to finish yourself off? Maybe so you could be even more furious at him.

But you were fully aware that you were sitting through another evening with wine, reading more nonsense about your relationship.

"I would never leave him."

Oh, you're sure they would not. His fans had an unhealthy obsession with him.

"Everyone knows that Dieter has been taking drugs for a long time, so she definitely knew what she was getting into."

Of course you knew, despite what the whole situation was about, that's how you two met. At one of the parties. He snorted coke off your stomach and then proposed to you to marry him. Romantic and that's what he was like from the start. Sweet, a little naive and so damn in love with you.

An unwanted smile spread across your lips at the memory.

"Stupid bitch. Instead of helping him, she chose to leave him. Have y’all seen recent pictures of him? He looks like he hasn't slept in weeks."

You saw it. How could you not?

He looked like a wreck.

Shame that people only saw it now and not a few months ago when it all started like you did. Everyone had a lot to say about how awful you were for not wanting to help him with his addiction. But how long can you beg someone to go to rehab only to get a contemptuous look and have them swallow a few more pills right in front of you?

Yeah, that's what you've been going through day in and day out for months.

But who would know that?

"Dieter, I would treat you better than her."

You snorted dryly and took another sip of wine.

"Of course you would," you said sarcastically under your breath and locked your phone before throwing it on the table. You felt so fucking empty, and your rage was the only thing that kept you from going crazy.

Life suddenly became too calm.

This whole toxic world had sucked you in too much for you to be able to snap out of it just like that. You felt downright uncomfortable, being in silence, alone with your thoughts. You were very aware of what you were going through in that relationship, and yet, you missed him.

It was stupid because you left on your own, you decided to leave him because you were sick of him, you were tired. No, tired is the wrong word, you were exhausted.

Constantly fighting with someone you love is the hardest fight and no one blamed you for having had enough of it. All your friends showed you support, understanding. Hell, even his mother said you were too good for him, that you deserved better.

So why, despite all the bad that was happening, there were only good moments in your memory? Moments that made you start to miss him.

His laughter, movie nights together, the next time you cried while playing ‘The Last of Us’.

That's why you felt like shit and deliberately beat yourself up by reading random comments. You wanted to be bad, you really did, but only because the old Dieter was still alive in your head. Your Dieter.

Your crazy Dieter, who could scream in the middle of the street how lucky he was to have you.

Your lovely Dieter, who took you to every gala and meeting, bragging that he had the most beautiful girl in the world.

Your sweet Dieter, who loved to cuddle you because ‘you are so soft’.

Your fucked up Dieter, who dressed up as Cupid for Halloween and shot you in the ass to spend the whole night in the hospital with you.

You hated him.

You hated him for what he had done to himself, for putting drugs above what you two had; and what you had was so fucking special. You hated him for loving him so fucking much. It hurt the most when you realized he didn't love you half as much as you loved him.

You cursed him and those damn drugs that had taken your sweet Dieter and replaced him with a vile son of a bitch who would call you the worst names while you flushed his stash of cocaine down the toilet.

You shivered at the bad memories and finished the rest of your wine. You didn't want to think about it anymore, your therapist told you to calm down for at least an hour before going to bed, and surprisingly, he was right.

You put down the glass the same moment your phone started ringing. You looked at the screen with a smiling photo of your ex and all your insides twisted painfully. Cold sweat poured over your body as you stared at the screen as if frozen. You didn't know what to expect.

Why would he call you?

He was probably stoned and barely conscious. It's possible that he even forgot that you broke up.

The flood of thoughts kept you from answering, which disappeared the moment when screen displayed a message about a missed call. You swallowed hard, finally noticing how fast your heart was pounding. Despite the alcohol in your blood, the feeling of panic only grew.

Even though your phone had long since gone black, you continued to stare at it. He hadn't spoken to you in two weeks, so why did he do it now?

Had he run out of drugs? Did he want to apologize? Did he want to call you names? Maybe he wanted to ask if you were back to your senses and wanted to come back to him? He would have welcomed you with open arms to his apartment, which was probably in ruins now. He was just doing drugs and you were cleaning. Since when were you gone? All that was left was him with his shit.

The screen lit up again with a new notification. You sharpened your gaze, reading the text of the message.

Dieter: Please, can we talk?

You stared at the jumble of words, unable to think about anything. He was sober, that much you could deduce from the fact that he didn't make a single mistake and used punctuation marks.

He wanted to talk and he was sober.

It sounded pretty impossible, so out of pure curiosity you decided to reply.

You: Still on drugs?

Three dots appeared in the corner so you patiently waited for his response.

Dieter: Baby…

Dieter: Just please, hear me out

An uncontrollable snort escaped your lips. Of course, what else could you expect?

You: Then we have nothing to talk about.

You angrily threw your phone on the table when it started ringing again and just went to take a shower.

When you went to bed, your phone already had a few missed calls and a dozen messages. You held back your curiosity and simply closed your eyes, wanting to fall asleep as quickly as possible. Forget about the fact that he wanted to contact you and wake up in the morning knowing that peace still reigns in your life.

Knowing your luck, you barely managed to drift off to dreamland and the persistent banging on the door, perfidiously brought you back to the real world.

With a loud growl, you looked at your watch and groaned agonizingly when you saw that it was well after midnight. Who in their right mind would decide to knock on your door at such an abnormal hour? You wanted to ignore it, telling yourself that it was probably a mistake, but the knocking did not stop and instead turned into an annoying tapping rhythm.

Barely able to see anything in the darkness, you headed towards the front door. You turned on the light in the hallway, wincing at the glaring brightness, and looked through the peephole in the door. The staircase was dark, yet the quiet knocking did not stop.

A feeling of anxiety went through your body, waking you up a bit from your sleep. You didn't want to spread unnecessary panic, but you immediately thought about calling one of your friends to come and check what was going on.

You would have done it if you hadn't been stopped by a quiet voice calling your name.

Without thinking too much, you opened the door and left the apartment. The first thing you did was look towards the floor, where you always found him. As usual, you were right, he was sitting against the wall with a misty gaze and a half-empty bottle of whiskey. You'd be lying if you said you were surprised at the state in which he came to you. Honestly, you were more surprised that he managed to come to you at all.

"Dieter, what the fuck?" you snapped, seeing the state he was in. Messy hair, dark circles under his eyes, slightly sunken cheeks and a wrinkled shirt with poorly buttoned buttons. Still, one of the better forms you'd seen him in recently.

His lost gaze fell on your angry face and for a moment he just looked at you as if he hadn't seen you in at least a few years. It was possible that two weeks on a constant high lasted that long for him.

“I called you,” he managed to choke out.

“Yeah, and I didn’t pick up.” Your sharp tone clearly upset him, so you sighed loudly, trying to control your nerves. “Dieter, what do you want?”

“I want to talk.”

“You’re drunk,” you announced, as if that would give him the answer to everything.

And it did.

“I know, but—”

“Come when you’re sober.”

You didn’t want to repeat this pointless dance again. There was no point in even trying to talk to him because he’d probably forget about everything within a few hours. You didn’t have the strength for that, especially in the middle of the night.

“Please, can I…” he began uncertainly, catching your attention. “Can I sleep here?” You immediately wanted to say no. You could have called a taxi, even waited for one of his friends to come pick him up, but then he added in a breaking voice, “I don’t want to be alone in that apartment again.”

You would be fooling yourself if you turned around then, closing the door in his face. You wouldn't be able to even sleep a wink, knowing that he was sitting by your door, drunk and with tears in eyes.

You were angry, you hated him and wanted to say many unpleasant things, but you were human, and he was important to you. And despite everything you went through, you felt sorry for him when you saw him in such a state, even though he brought it on himself.

You sighed loudly and rubbed your tired face, knowing that you were doing the wrong thing. "But first, go wash yourself," you barely said resignedly, and Dieter was already standing on his own. Gratitude lurked in his gaze as he smiled sadly at you.

Without a word, he pressed a bottle of alcohol into your hand and entered the apartment, immediately heading to the bathroom. You stood in the hallway for a moment, staring at the interior of your place, wondering what you were actually doing with your life.

Relationships like yours had no right to survive, at least not in the long run. You knew that, and yet you didn't want to face reality. You wanted everything to be like it used to be, when you were happy, in love. But what was the likelihood that your desires would come true whenever you wanted them to, he didn't.

Tightening your fingers around the bottle, you went back to your apartment and the first thing you did was pour the rest of the whiskey down the sink. You watched with satisfaction as the amber liquid disappeared down the drain while the shower water could be heard in the background.

The desire to sleep faded away with every minute you walked around the living room, preparing a blanket and a few pillows to make the sofa suitable for sleeping. You didn't even glance towards the bathroom as you walked past, heading to the bedroom.

You don't know what possessed you to leave the door ajar and only then lay down in bed, reaching for your phone. Since the situation was already what it was, you didn't see why you should hold back from reading his message.

Dieter: Baby, please

Dieter: I know you're mad at me, I don't blame you

Dieter: But it's been two weeks now

Dieter: I want to explain and apologize

Dieter: Can we, I don't know, meet up and talk?

Dieter: I don't expect anything from you, I just want to see you

Dieter: I really miss you.

With each message it was harder and harder to read. You had no idea if it was because of tiredness or what was happening now, but you were overcome with emotions that you didn't want to feel because they were the reason you were so damn exhausted lately.

The next messages were over two hours apart.

Dieter: Im so sorry

Dieter: For evrythin

Dieter: I know its all m fault

Dieter: I was horrible n I treated u even worse

Dieter: shouldnt be surprised that u left

Dieter: But goddamn I really miss u

Dieter: I am drunk n its so fuckin stupid but I even miss the fact that u would shout at me rn bout how irresponsible I am

Dieter: wish u were here.

Dieter: u probably sleepin by niw

Dieter: God

Dieter: I miss sleepin with u

Dieter: I hate bein alone in that fuckin bed

Dieter: Sheets still smells like u.

You felt your stomach tighten uncomfortably as you read each word. Unwanted tears welled up in your eyes so you quickly chased them away and only then did you notice the last message.

Dieter: I signed up for rehab. Im leavin on monday.

Your heart beat faster but you didn't know if it was because of the content of the message or because Dieter suddenly appeared in your doorway.

You looked in his direction not being able to tell if he was talking to you or not.

"You have everything in the living room," you said the most obvious thing that came to your mind.

You couldn't see him very well in the darkness but you knew that the silence between you was starting to drag on. You didn't want to hurry him or chase him away.

You actually didn't know what you wanted.

"I saw," he said quietly, uncertainly.

"So what do you want?" you asked more sharply than you intended but you weren't going to correct yourself, he should know that you were mad at him.

You are, or at least you were a moment ago, until you read that damn message. You wanted to believe it was true but it was more likely that it was drunken babble so you didn't get your hopes up.

"Can I sleep here?"

You frowned when the screen turned off by itself so you could see him better. He was wearing boxers and a t-shirt with some character from the game. Of course you didn't get rid of his stuff, you simply couldn't.

"I already said—"

"I mean here, with you."

You fell silent for a moment.

Did he really have the nerve to show up at your door in the middle of the night, ask to stay and now force himself into your bed? Of course he did, it was Dieter.

“No,” you answered seriously.

“Please.” He didn’t give up and despite your words, he entered, closing the door behind him.

You tensed as you watched him slowly approach the bed. “I said no, now get out.”

“You know I hate sleeping alone.”

“Sounds like not my problem.”

Your sharp tone didn't stop him from lifting the sheet and sliding in next to you. The bastard had known you too long not to know that beneath that mask of rage was just a little girl. A little girl that he had hurt and wanted to make amends.

“Dieter…” you said warningly.

“Please, just for today.” You clenched your jaw tighter, trying to stop yourself from telling him what a selfish asshole he was. You were too tired to start an argument that would lead to nothing good. “I won’t touch you.”

“You better not.”

With those words, you simply turned your back to him and pulled the sheet closer over you, as if it would protect you from feeling his presence. Despite the raging and conflicting emotions inside you, you forced yourself to close your eyes. Your attitude made it clear to him not to talk anymore and to just go to sleep. And you were honestly grateful that he was holding on to the other half of the bed.

But despite the minutes maybe even hours passing by, you realized how much his messages were bothering you.

What if they weren't just drunk words or an attempt to extort attention. What if he really decided to start treatment?

You couldn't believe it.

Because how on earth did you not manage to talk him into it, but breaking up with him did the trick? After the way he treated you, you were supposed to believe that he suddenly missed you? That he wanted you back? Bullshit.

„I’m sorry.” His quiet words pierced the space between you.

You listened but didn't intend to speak. Still, he knew you weren't sleeping, if you were, you'd probably be cuddling up to him by now. It was in your nature to like to cuddle up to his side, wrapping leg around his waist and hide face in the crook of his neck.

So you could deceive yourself but not him.

"I fucked up," he continued despite your silence. "I don't know how to explain myself because I don't know what was on my mind at the time. I just wanted more and more."

Sadness settled in your heart.

So much bad had happened and in return you got such damn poor words.

"And suddenly I woke up in the middle of the night all alone."

You didn't want to hear it.

You didn't want his words to have any effect on you, but you couldn't stop pinching your nose from holding back tears.

"At first I wondered where were you. Maybe if it’s me who forgot that you went to some friend, or maybe you were sitting in the living room late reading another romance." You almost let a small smile creep onto your lips. "And only after a moment did I realize that two days earlier you left the apartment saying that you wouldn't witness my suicide."

Just thinking about that day, something inside you broke again.

You had shed way too many tears that night.

"I didn't realize the meaning of your words at the time. But then it hit me. Hard."

Well, it was good that he understood at all what you were talking about considering the state he was in at the time.

"You had been fighting with me for months. You were with me despite the state I could sometimes get myself into, how I could treat you even though you only wanted to help me. And for that I want to apologize and thank you. If it weren't for you, I would wake up in my own vomit every other day."

These were the things you tried to forget about. Life with him had turned into a living hell.

Looking at it from where you were, you wondered how on earth you had managed to survive so many months living like a private nurse.

Sometimes you wonder if it was still love or a desperate attempt to save someone you once loved.

"I haven't been able to take anything since then." Those words surprised you enough to make you shiver uncomfortably.

He hadn't taken anything in almost two weeks? It was hard to believe after the state he was in when he visited you today.

And as if he was reading your mind, he continued, "I decided to clean up the mess I made before I could even try to look you in the eye. And—" his voice broke. You resisted the urge to comfort him. “And it took me longer than I thought.” You heard him swallow hard, trying to control the tremor in his voice.

You didn't even want to remember affairs that you took care of for him during his drug streak.

From an ordinary girl you became an actor's girlfriend, his lover, best friend, then manager and then executioner and nurse.

Life had a way of surprising, but you never thought it would be to such an extent that you wouldn't recognize your reflection in the mirror.

"And today I finally got to see you, but you didn't want to," he said sadly. You barely held back a snort. "I'm not surprised, but I still hoped you'd at least want to hear my apology."

Maybe you wanted that, but not when you were still a mess and wanted to see him on his knees, begging for forgiveness. You didn't want to talk to him while still under the power of negative emotions.

You were a fan of resolving issues through calm conversation. And you were doing just fine until you met him and your arguments could be heard by your neighbors a few floors down.

"I took it a little hard," he admitted, embarrassed. "Being sober and under constant stress, and without you, was fuckin’ hard."

You could hear in his tone how tired he was of it all. But for him it had only been two weeks. For you? A little longer.

You felt sorry for him, you really did. But you also felt sorry for yourself.

You put him first for so long that you forgot that you are also a human being, that you have feelings and needs, that you also have the right not to be strong.

"And after everything, you didn't even want to talk to me. It's just," he sighed heavily, "it kind of killed me. So I'm sincerely sorry for showing up at your door in the middle of the night, but I couldn't stand being alone in that apartment."

Well, the only silver lining, if you could call it that, is that the last two weeks haven't just been tough for you.

You had been together for so long that suddenly being alone felt strange, alien.

And maybe it shouldn't, but you took comfort in the fact that he missed your presence too. As stupid as that might sound after what had happened.

The silence on his part began to drag on and you didn't know if he was thinking about his next words or waiting for any reaction from you.

His heavy sigh convinced you that he was waiting for your words that never came.

"I don't know if I've ruined everything to the point where my words mean nothing to you and you'd love to throw me out the door, but I want you to know that I'm truly sorry for what I've allowed myself to become. That it was more important for me to snort coke right after waking up than to tell you that I love you while eatin’ you."

At those words, something dangerously boiled in your lower abdomen.

You didn't want his words to have that effect on you, but your body knew better, feeling the hunger for his touch.

You couldn't kill the feeling of longing that grew with every word he spoke.

You were weak.

For him.

Because of him.

You didn't know the difference.

“And even if it doesn’t change anything, I wanted you to know that I’ve checked myself into a three-month rehab.”

You stared blankly into the dark space, trying to catch the slightest sign of whether or not he was lying. Surprisingly, he sounded serious, even a little scared at the thought of what he was talking about.

Another prolonged silence almost convinced you to answer him. Almost.

"And I’ll understand if you say no, but I would like to know if maybe you want to visit me sometime," he said hopefully. The feeling of sadness only grew in your chest. "The resort is in Switzerland, that's why—"

"Where?!" You opened your eyes wide and sat up in surprise, turning towards him.

Dieter was slightly shocked that you decided to speak, so for the first few seconds he just looked at you with his mouth parted.

"In S-Switzerland," he repeated uncertainly.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me? I have to fly to Switzerland several times a month just to talk to you for like… probably half an hour? Do you know how much it will cost?” You frowned, hoping that this was some kind of bad joke.

This wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure what he was expecting. Seeing your face, he realized that he had probably assessed the situation a bit too optimistically.

“But we’re rich. I don’t see—”

“You are rich, Dieter,” you corrected him sharply, “not me.”

Your words hit him harder than either of you could have anticipated.

He blinked a few times, staring at you as if he was seeing you for the first time in his life. He didn't want to admit it, but he didn't expect things between you to be in such a bad shape.

"Baby, I know things aren't great between us," he began, also sitting down. Slowly as if the slightest overly aggressive movement could scare you away. “But nothing has changed on my end. I love you and I want to fix everything,” he said confidently. “Or at least have a chance to fix it.”

“I fucking hate you, did you know that?” you said with audible sadness that made him look down.

Now that he was sober and could see what he had gotten you into, the guilt was eating him up inside. He hated it when you were mad at him, and even more so when you looked at him with such hurt eyes. It made him feel like the worst bastard in the world.

“I figured it out when you left me,” he whispered.

The sadness in your chest turned to sorrow as it became harder to hold back the tears with each passing second.

You weren't ready for this conversation, but would you ever be? Was it even possible to be prepared for something like this?

“I know it’s fuckin’ selfish of me,” he began, sighing heavily as he gathered enough courage to look you in the eye. “But I want to know if you’ll at least wait for me.”

He was serious, you could see it in his eyes. He really wanted you to stay with him.

He had the courage to ask you to stay with him, to wait.

You stared at him without a word, but this time he patiently waited for your answer. He was sure that he would succeed. He wanted to get better, for you, for himself. He was determined to get back the life he had. Because he was damn lucky to have you in his life and he only realized it when he woke up without you cuddled to his chest. He woke up way too late but he couldn't turn back time, he could only fix the present and take care of the future.

He wanted so bad for you to give him a second chance and you wanted to give him one. You weren't able to cross him out of your life. He was one of the most important people in your life. There was even a moment when you realized that you wanted to spend the rest of it with him. But things got fucked up quickly.

The worst part of it all was that even if something like this happened again, you would be willing to forgive him. And you were afraid that it could be your undoing.

“Of course I'll wait for you,” you said, losing all strength to fight.

Dieter looked at you for a moment as if he couldn't believe that such words could come out of your mouth. He looked as if he was speechless and unable to process the information correctly and if it weren't for the context of the situation, you would have laughed. Instead, to convince him of your words, you smiled crookedly and shrugged. It was as if it woke him up from hypnosis, he blinked a few times and snorted in disbelief.

“Really?” he asked hopefully.

You shrugged again and let a soft smile permanently grace your face. Thanks to him, you realized that love could be pretty messed up.

“Well, a few years ago, I was shot by cupid and I think his magic is still working,” you said seriously, and his face was priceless when he realized what you were talking about.

“Well…” he started to say but instead burst out laughing. “Yeah,” he nodded, shaking his head in amusement. Just a silly sentence was enough to make his eyes sparkle again, something you hadn’t seen in a long time. “I missed you.” He smiled shyly and you knew he was still testing the waters.

"I know."

"Don't say it back, huh?" he asked with a smirk, even though he knew the answer and wasn't going to force you to do anything.

"You didn't deserve it."

Despite this, your gaze was still full of warmth, but he knew that to get back what you had, he would have to try really hard.

"Fair enough," he nodded, not wanting to argue because he knew it was true. He didn't even know how he deserved you. “Can we cuddle now?”

You had to admit you wondered how long it would be before he asked that question. The little boy inside him was just waiting for you to give him a sign that he could touch you, so when you barely reached out your hand towards him, he pulled you to him in a second.

You moaned as your lips crashed painfully together. You couldn't fight his longing kisses because, damn, you missed it yourself. You placed your hands on his cheeks and allowed yourself to slow down a bit. He didn’t object, he never did. He just luxuriated in your soft lips and delicate tongue, and it wasn't until he could melt under your touch that he realized how much he missed you.

“Don't ever do this to me again,” you whispered against his lips.

“I won’t,” he gasped, stroking your back. “I promise.”

Tags some babes who might enjoy @bbyanarchist @axshadows @lover-of-books-and-tea @jhiddles03 @tobethlehem

[goldenivy0]

11:30 am where I live when I saw this OH GOD NO... 😭 Not during my break from work, I was supposed to be relaxing! 😂😂

They really can't get over this stupid comment Jurian made about Elain being assaulted in the NC, WHILE he was playing his villain role... I swear they don't understand this last part. Yes it wasn't a nice comment but Jurian was playing a role!! He was playing double agent and trying to make others believe he was on Hybern's side, what's so difficult to understand about that?? You know who also said and did some pretty shitty things while playing a villain or a double agent role? Rhysand and Feyre. Yeah... they conveniently forgot about that because these people are completely biased when it comes to Rhys and Feyre (and others in the IC). I've said this before, I don't hate Rhys, I don't hate Feyre, I don't hate the IC but good God, the double standards in this fandom are absolutely CRAZY! Not everything they do is excusable, they aren't (or even need to be) always the heroes you blindly believe they are. All of them did questionable things just like the people outside their circle and it's crazy how you can forgive them for doing so but you can't forgive the others. It's unthinkable to me how you time and time again forgive and excuse Feyre/Rhys/IC for making poor choices and are incapable of doing the same for the others (Jurian in this specific case). Even more so when the said bad thing they did and the circumstances they were in are pretty much the same. I just don't get it and honestly I don't think I'm supposed to. It's tiring.

The vile man you're referring to in this post is a good guy in SJM's eyes and you know how I know this? Because SHE wrote him like one. SHE wrote him like someone who sacrificed himself for the cause he believed in, who was trapped and in agony during 500 years and came back to keep fighting for the 'good side' despite of it. Whether you like it or not, SJM wrote him as a war hero and will NOT use that comment he made (again – while playing his role) against him just like you do 😊. One of @acourtofthought 's recent posts perfectly shows this, please go read it :)

I would say something about the part where they say "Lucien's fans have an obsession with defending vile men just like he does" but I don't have the energy anymore, and I guess it's too late for them to understand anyway... They will keep seeing things as they want to see and not as they truly are/happened.

Oh and one of the comments to the post said: 'Of course they defend vile men, it's because they're vile'.

UMMMM.... OH NOOO LoOk At mE 👹👹 I'm SuCh A mOnSteEeEeR 👽👽 BOO!! 👻👻

[adeliethevilsimp]

I have a hot take. You know the line where Rook first time meeting Vil it is actually really sweet if you think about it. No I am not delusional Like the line saying “there is no other actor can portray such evil hysterical the worst human scum role” Usually villains are not written to be likeable in mind. Fun, for sure but probably not likeable and redeemable usually. probably less screen time but still needs to be done.

It is like everything including villain are cogs in the machine that is the play. It need to be done. It can just be done badly and with no substance but you also can have a very good villain to be brought into life by a good actor and be memorable. That make you go“They are such a good villain”.

Personally I relate to Vil on so many things. One thing is that I was assigned to act as the villain. I am a girl but they want me to act as a middle-aged male minister who is also a dick. I have to wear a moustache too so you know kids are going to be normal about that *queue sarcasm*. I have never know why my teacher asked me to do it. Now of course it was a cool thing like MF my acting transcends gender But I wondered all the time why they asked me to do it. I don’t mind it it was unusual for sure. I just don’t want the bullying.I continued to do it because I do love acting also work ethics. I guess I just wanted to know why I was chosen. What I am trying to say is Rook's remark is very horrendous at first glance but it is really like “Only you can bring a villain like that into life. So memorable.”

My take is it was so memorable it made Rook start appreciating Villain. I know Rook also said before “I have seen so many of your roles but I did not remember you much”. It at first glance sound like Rook think the acting is bad but it does not have to be the only interpretation. Coz like you can be distracted and not remembering things just because you are focusing on other things. when I was crushing on Sweeney Todd I barely noticed how interesting the music is. I was so happy when I learnt about the music element.

like there was another part of the cake to be eaten. The cake you think you have finished and you really like. And there is more! Sort of thing. To Rook it is like Vil's acting like as so good and memorable made him realise the other side of the cake he love so much. But you know it is Rook so it comes out weird but also he was not necessarily harsh about it it is just the truth but it come out in a Rook's way. I thought about this because recently I talked to my mom about I wonder why the teacher chose me thing and she said “I went to the rehearsal once and I thought you are really good. You went into character so fast and take it with stride”

I know this is like me saying how good I am. I am just trying to say I think to Rook it is actually something like that. So his comment actually kind of sweet if you think about it. Yes I want someone to say that to me now okay xD

So it is actually kind of sweet Your acting was so good it made me realised villain is so integral and can be so memorable. You showed me something more about the things I already like. Your acting was so good you make such villain so memorable. You are one of a kind

So yeah. And I feel like other people may think so but were too scared to tell Vil to his face. I mean my personal experience also kind of supports this But not Rook even tho it came out like that. That is my interpretation anyways from my personal experience

[egg-emperor]

Do you prefer the name Eggman or Robotnik? Personally, I don't understand why people in the fandom get so upset about him being called Eggman. I just accept the fact that a character has two names and it doesn't mean his real name is no longer Dr. Ivo Robotnik. Eggman is just a silly nickname that he adopted for himself. I call him Eggman since I grew up in an era where he called himself that. I also never got the argument that it's hard to take him seriously when he calls himself Eggman. Eggman being a silly name doesn't change the fact that he has committed terrorist attacks, conquered planets, blew up the moon as a warning (no fandub plz), and literally shattered the earth into pieces in Unleashed. If aliens visited a thousand years from now and found out that the world was conquered by someone named Eggman, I'd be embarrassed lmao. The beauty of Eggman is that he can be both silly and serious. I don't think Eggman being 100% serious is the way to go with his character. Eggman being silly makes his darker moments stick out more. That's why Eggman threatening the Zeti in Lost World is considered the standout cutscene to most people.

I don't really have "preference" per say in terms of liking them, I like both. They've established in canon that Robotnik is supposed to be his birth surname and of course I'm not gonna say that isn't good. I think it's cool. But I'm sure it's obvious what my preference is in like referring to him as I call him Eggman almost exclusively, unless I'm talking about his younger self pre Eggman name story wise, where I will just call him Ivo Robotnik for obvious reasons

I've never understood or felt strongly about the debate. I've been a fan since 2005 so he'd already been known as Eggman in western media for years by then. But what I do find most ridiculous is the truth is, he was always called Eggman in Japan and he's their character. Since his very creation he's been Eggman, it predates Robotnik factually. Then both names have been known to the world for as long as each other, just in different parts of it

Robotnik was literally initially just something the west decided to call him to make him sound cooler or more villainous seeming or something, just like any redesigns they attempted. But he didn't need those to be evil, it's his actions and personality that makes him evil, not his name and appearance, which is really cool and I love that. But it's actually the one thing the west did with him without SoJ/Sonic Team JP's involvement that I like

I like how it's the one thing SoJ/Sonic Team JP decided to roll with too. It was a great idea to make Robotnik the family name and Eggman his nickname. I like what it represents, he takes something used to poke fun at his weight and embraced it, took away the power of it being an insult and put a new power of his own to it. It says a lot about his self love and emphasizes his serious threat status, if one is to make the grave mistake of underestimating him due to his name just like his appearance

He was always called Eggman in Japan. If you really wanted to get technical, it's really his one true name. His creations always had Egg in the titles too, so it really all made a lot more sense in JP before English. Now even after they decided to adapt Robotnik into the canon in all languages, Eggman obviously remains his main defining name. The character himself calls himself Eggman exclusively now in English too and has for as long as I've been a fan so I do too

So yeah I'll use them interchangeably, Robotnik if talking about him before he took on the nickname but that's very rare so I near exclusively call him Eggman. I don't mind people calling him Robotnik if they just have a preference but it's bothersome if they act like Eggman is a terrible name and bad change when really it wasn't a change at all as he was always called that really. I lol when commenters get mad at my video titles of classic Eggman on YouTube

And yeah I'm a massive defender of both humorous and silly but also seriously evil threat Eggman. That's how he really is in game canon and I love every part of him. It's really awesome that he can be so serious, threatening, and badass but also have a very entertaining funny silly side, and how often the two can overlap in his crazy dramatic showmanship, presentation, and wacky interests with an evil streak. And such extreme devastating evil being committed by a funny egg shaped man named Eggman is epic XD

Him being a guy who looks super serious, acts super serious at all times, and only has one less unique and striking name (as cool as the name Robotnik is), would lack a lot of the charm and uniqueness he has as Eggman. It really does compliment and emphasize his evil very well when the same guy who can be goofy and silly is also the guy doing thrilling badass evil and causing great fear and devastation to the world. The contrast and suddenness of the switch at times can make some of his best moments, like Lost World

So I love him having a silly sounding name, appearance, and actions so much, they don't take away from his evil and seriousness and level of threat, unless one simply isn't paying attention. I'm the biggest defender of it and it's one of the reasons why I defend the name too. Besides it literally being his original name anyway, suiting his appearance very well, reflecting his self love and confidence, and just being very charming all around. Plus it can really just emphasize his if it makes someone underestimate him! 💜🥚

[sinisterexaggerator]

I need ya'll to see this. I plan to buy this figure one day, too. But every fucking toy / figure blurb seems to reinforce MY IDEA THAT BANE WORKED FOR THE EMPIRE at some point and I will die on this fucking hill, so.

Star Wars Gentle Giant Cad Bane Maquette

"Cad Bane could easily be called a veteran of his craft. He was a menacing mercenary and a ruthless Bounty Hunter. His notoriety placed him amongst the most vile of villains in the Galaxy, and thus a favorite freelancer of the Empire for many of their dirty dealings. "

*Freelancer*

Just like I said all along. Let me refer to an older post where I wrote about a headcanon I had:

Bane was always a Jedi hunter. The Empire eliminated a huge problem for him, technically. They were always getting in his way. It also created a surge of business. I know Bane is not a guild hunter, and that the Empire hired bounty hunter’s who worked primarily for the guild, but I always thought maybe in the beginning, before things got really, really bad … before people realized just how terrible the Empire was (including Bane as he was just after the money), despite being arrested by them for war crimes when they were called "The Republic", could have taken the really shady shit, the down and dirty jobs, the ones nobody wanted, and maybe one of those was going after the bounty on Obi-Wan Kenobi’s head ( possible fic idea?? of course he’s never successful as far as canon >D). This ties into him being unscrupulous. But maybe, just maybe, he encounters a job that’s too disgusting even for his palate. There was a moment where people thought hey, maybe this Empire isn’t so bad. It took the efforts of people like the characters in Andor to really start breaking through to others and exposing them for what they were. Just a thought. The general populace was still kind of oblivious, yeah? Of course, he sees the Empire does nothing to help Duro. Things get worse, more people suffer. Maybe he has personal experiences along the way that help shape his outlook. I love the idea of the pain and angst involved of realizing the choice you made was wrong, but that you can still make it right. Maybe he quits working for those types, and (imho) returns to work for Maul and the criminal syndicates. Maybe he works for Q'ira some after Maul dies, and she is 100% against the Empire. I can see it. Maybe that’s why he comments “Boba is a coldblooded killer who works for the Empire,” because he kept doing it even after they (the empire) were already established as actually evil. That, or he's mocking him straight up because he knows he's just as shitty a person (in the past, anyway ) as he is/was. But JUST LIKE ADMIRAL RAMPART hired a bounty hunter in the Bad Batch to take out Riyo Chuchi under the table against ANYONE’S wishes as he wanted to avoid a scandal, who says people weren’t going to Bane to “do something very discreet and under the table.” Doesn’t have to be Vader or Palps. People did stuff behind their backs all the time - Palps used Rampart as a scapegoat to pass the bill where the Empire created their own military versus keeping the clones. But, before that, who is to say he did or did not know Rampart’s secrets before they were blasted all over the viewscreens and Palps, being the smart ass he is decided, hey, this is a PERFECT opportunity, thus he appeared out of the floor and had him taken away!

In addition, it also mentions this on the Black Series Bad Batch figure, and I don't think it's a stretch at all that Bane would take jobs ( for the right price. ) from Imps, and he doesn't have to be a guild hunter to do so.

*He's a freelancer.*

“The rise of the Empire and the elimination of the Jedi creates a surge of business for the unscrupulous hunter.”

[lumiidragon]

So I’ve been on a bit of a break which is why I’ve been pretty MIA, so sorry about that!  but I finally got to watch Season 7 of TNR and I can finally put my own review on it~! Please note that this contains spoilers, so if you haven’t seen it yet, stop reading here!

So I’ll start with my season issues before its good points. First off, the dragon secret is out to ICARUS and it was...incredibly lack luster. We had a 1 month time jump and the big reveal of dragons was rather...anti-climatic. I was really expecting a bit more from that, but oh well. Also, in the first episode, we get to finally see nadders, but they’re all hyper aggressive and it’s the only way we get to see them. They don’t show up again. Sad on that one. Next, of course is Thunder’s “alpha”-type thing he did to stop the nadders. I REALLY hope it was just a dominance stance as in “I’m tough and I’m being loud, so back off” and not “Thunder’s becoming the new alpha like Toothless” or else he is going to lose serious character points from me. It’d make literally no sense, especially since he nor his family are obviously alpha’s of all dragons and an alpha status isn’t some unlockable ability, it’s earned.

So the next thing and probably my biggest issue with this (especially those of you who know me will know I was going to have issues with this) BUT THEY KILLED THE FUCKING DEATHGRIPPERS. YES. THEY. KILLED. THEM. The deathgrippers are the ONLY dragons that got this treatment and that is actual bullshit. Oh, and if I hear literally anyone say “BUT THE DEATHRGIPPERS WERE BAD AND EVIL AND BLAH BLAH BLAH, my eyes are literally going to roll into the back of my head so far that I am going to make actual eye contact with the demon that controls the meat puppet that is my body. I don’t want to hear this comment because they are WILD ANIMALS and literally an animal cannot be good or evil please stop pushing that onto the dragons because that is an incredibly toxic and harmful way to view an animal species. So yeah, this alone knocked off a LOT of points from me because there was actually no reason for them to do this.

My 2nd biggest issue is OH MY GOD CAN THUNDER STOP BEING A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS. The whole poison dart episode was the worst and it was so eye rolling that I could hardly enjoy it. We get it, Thunder needs special attention and saved every other episode. Let’s move past it because it’s so boring that it’s starting to hurt his character for me.

My last big issue is that for a season that introduces the Realm of Giants, we...didn’t see the realm??? What was the point of that? We saw hardly any of it and though we got the Octofin and the Shellfire, we didn’t get to see much else. Of course, I didn’t get my bewilderbeast either, so that’s a bummer.

My last petty, but still an issue is that they’re starting to force this Tom and Jun romance. I’m not against there being a romance, especially for these two, but it’s starting to feel more like a “Hey, here’s a main male and female character, so let’s make sure they have apparent crushes on each other for reasons” instead of working up a more believable romance.

As for good points, characters outside of Tom are getting some good development and D’Angelo is quickly rising to my top favorite character. Jun, also being my least and actually disliked character starting out is starting to really build and I actually like her a lot more now. Also, the humor in this series has also gotten a lot better, too. I’m loving it.

I think the BEST points for this season are the villains, however. Actions are starting to have real consequences and are things that can’t be solved in just a single day with a teenager’s big idea. Also Buzzsaw is FINALLY worth having in the series. He’s becoming a much more formidable villain who is doing actual damage and thus making his time in the series much more interesting. The cliffhanger for the series is the best one so far. Sledkin is also becoming a very enjoyable villain instead of just the “shady co-worker”. And Dagur being canon means that RTTE is canon to TNR, so that is AMAZING.

All in all, I give this season a 7/10. It’s shaping up nicely, but the deathgripper deaths and thunder hurt it a lot.

[maythearo]

Oh man honestly now that you mention it I think Leona being the mentor type would be such an interesting idea to explore??? Not only is the dynamic fun to think about but the way it could play out could mean a whole lot :0

Also yeah I agree, I wish the twst writers would let characters have better relations with eachother u_u but hey! for this au I can their Leona and Jamil playing off a little better with eachother

But that can also bring up that if hypothetically in this au Leona DOES end up dying! I think about how a common thing with the spidermen stories is that someone who cares a lot about the person who dies sees that persons body with spiderman, making the connection that "spiderman KILLED him!"

Which hey, Leona being royalty would not be a very fun person to be accused of murdering. So Jamil's need to not be revealed to the public as spiderman would be massively important (But also the idea of WHO would see them, uh oh little lion boy..)

Which then the idea of Ace being the first (and maybe the only for a a while) person to know about Jamil could lead to terrible shenanigans, hmmm

I love the idea that Idia unintentionally causing the whole thing would be really fitting too since the whole science stuff :0 that does make me think though is how there would probably be villian of the week sort of enemies that plague the area and hmm who knows, I do like seeing other people also suggest who the bad guys could also be in this au!

OH correct me if I'm wrong but you're the atsv enjoyer anon, right?

Your brain‼️‼️ SO MANY IDEAS, SO MANY POSSIBILITIES‼️‼️ Leona and Jamil being closer/on better terms has so much potential.

The "spider-man KILLED HIM!!" idea immediately puts a huge sense of urgency to the story, LIKE

But for different reasons than in Far from home, and also the spider viper secret identity would not have been leaked like Peter's did, probably. (I should also make up another spider-man specific name for Jamil, if spider viper sounds too weird EKDNWKDNWKDNEK I KINDA JUST MADE THAT UP FOR PRACTICALITY, PLEASE IGNORE IT) what would he ever do to not be seen as a threat anymore?? Where is mister doctor????

Ace knowing his identity would be barely as helpful as Ganke or Ned are for Miles and Peter, but at least Jamil and Ace are a funny duo 😭😭 the guy in a chair is meant to be helpful and Mr braincell Trappola is the exact opposite of that, full disrespect meant. But in a strange twist of fate, he always manages to get spider jamil covered at the end of the day. Ace always makes his way through the toughest situations, no matter how many times he stumbles in the process. Ace + Jamil duo are always on thin, thin ice, and it's very entertaining.

And idk if I mentioned this before, but while I'm on the topic, I was thinking Najma would be quick to uncover spider-man's secret identity too. She's smart! And you think she wouldn't notice how that weird masked vigilante acted the exact same as her brother? She would scold and poke fun of him for it, saying like "are you even trying to keep this a secret, or am I THAT good of a sister to spot your mannerisms right away?". She could even be the one to find and modify a hero uniform for him! In exchange to leaving all her house chores to him for a month, of course, she doesn't design and sew free of charge.

I rlly need to search up more of spider-man's villains to headcanon in this au akbdiwdhwodbwkjs I too, would love to hear more ideas regarding it. Besides Azul and Idia that I mentioned before, someone commented Jack as the Prowler too, which I think is super cool and fitting 💃💃💃💃

[artemismoorea03]

I heard you were continuing MAA on ao3 and was shocked! It's been so long that I honestly need a refresher. I wanna re read it, but there's sm going on in life and not exactly mentally ok and so I'm lowkey scared to re read 😭

Also where do you get your inspection? And why do you put the lmk crew through sm 🍇 and SA 😭 /genq/nm/nf

But yeah

I LOOOOOOVE your work

It was a surprise to hear the series is STILL going after like 2 years /pos

Yep! MAA is going strong again, though it may be on another hiatus soon due to the fact that my spouse and I are going to be moving here very soon! Honestly, I would suggest reading it again if/when your mental health is better because it is heavy but some edits have been made on previous parts and some other parts - specifically Kids Aren't Alright - has been deleted to help the canon of MAA flow better. Some parts of that will come back but for the most part we're going in with a clean slate.

As for the inspiration behind MAA and the stuff that's all complicated but to sum it up a lot of it was inspired by personal experiences. I'm not entirely comfortable going more into detail than that on the inspiration for those certain situations but other inspirations also included; animes, books, cartoons, my friends, and just ideas that I thought would help the story flow better! Which is a lot more fun than the other stuff.

Now, onto the big and heavier aspect of your question the SA and other dark topics. As my spouse put it I am a "Gray Writer". I do not shy away form the dark topics but I also don't make it as simple as "good" and "evil" either. Good people can do bad things and evil characters can do good things.

Prime examples of this in MAA is Guanyin who did a bad thing not because she was a bad guy but because she felt she didn't have another choice. Then there's Tu who was - in the majority of the story - was a bad guy who ended up surrendering which was a good thing because he realized the error of his ways.

Other examples are Changpu, Ironhide, and Birdbrain.

This is similar with the SA situation in MAA. Situations like the ones that the characters find themselves in are ones that happen can happen to anybody. And as one very pissed off commenter pointed out once "Nezha is one of the strongest Gods, this would never happen to him" well that was one of the exact points I was trying to make with it. Yes, Nezha is one of the most powerful Gods but he's still a person and being strong doesn't mean that they can't be hurt.

Macaque has been assaulted multiple times since he was a teenager to the point where he almost expects it now whenever he faces a villain and often doesn't see it as an issue - which happens with people in those situations. Those things still bother him, of course, but he thinks it's more of an issue he brought on himself rather than a horrible thing that happened to him.

MK had never been exposed to something like that before and had no idea what to expect and was thrown for a loop. He didn't know what to do or how to process it but was saved so that makes him assume that it "wasn't as traumatic" for him or that his trauma isn't as valid. Which it is. It is completely valid and he went through hell. His assault is just as valid as Macaque's and Nezha's even if it didn't go as far as theirs did.

Then there's Nezha, who as I previous said is very strong. It was that strength that made him think he was protected from that kind of thing and that same reason that kept him from returning to the Celestial Realm for so long. Because, just like that commenter, he assumed most of the Celestial Realm would immediately assume that it was 'farfetched' or 'ridiculous' because of how strong he was.

These are three very real scenarios that people all around the world face and topics that many people ignore and avoid talking about. Trauma's are messy, uncomfortable, and complicated. They're not something that most people want to touch which is exactly why I do cover them.

I refuse to shy away from those dark topics because in the same way I write to process I know there are people out there who read those dark topics to process their own emotions.

I will continue to write as long and far as I can on this series and any other series and I'm excited to see people are excited for the return again! I have a lot planned and I also have a goal (a couple of them) but the one I'm currently talking about is to reach 1 Million words on MAA and if/when I do I'm going to treat myself with a new tattoo. I'm thinking an A03 tattoo but I might also commission somebody who's read the series to design me a tattoo inspired by MAA but we'll have to see on my money situation at that point :3 /gen /pos

Anyways, thanks so much for the comment, it made my day to read it! And thank you for using tone tags! You're amazing! /gen

I hope things get better for you <3

Ari

[ihopesocomic]

Yeah, I watched the review and even rewatched the part about Quickmane to make sure I didn't miss anything. What's your point? Because it still felt like you didn't explain things coherently or maybe I'm just too stupid to understand. Authorial intent doesn't always mean everything (case in point: Hover supposedly being a good love interest when she's anything but), but has the creator ever said anything on someone like Quickmane not being a villain? And every antagonist has their fans, but as I don't lurk in the fandom often, is this out of a genuine like for Quickmane or is it that he's hated except for this or that specific thing they like about him? Hence why I brought up whether or not he was liked compared to more popular characters like Nothing or Feather. Hell, I even brought up that if the intention was to make him sympathetic, then it wasn't handled well at all! Seriously, I enjoyed the review otherwise and I'm sorry if I'm being rude, I just wish certain parts could've been elaborated on better.

There is a HUGE difference between "liking an antagonist" and people saying things like - and I quote - "wow, I wish Quickmane could be brought back because he was an utter cinnamon roll as opposed to Proudmane!" cue a legit YT comment argument as to how somebody who kills babies isn't as bad as a homophobe "because he has to do what he did to survive"

Like Cat said: we haven't made this shit up. People genuinely vibe with Quickmane because he wasn't homophobic. I know you keep saying "yea but he isn't popular as opposed to our main protagonists" but... that doesn't matter? Of course he's not going to be uber popular like Feather or Nothing? Still doesn't mean this isn't a major issue with the show. And another thing: how is a concerned parent who thought he lost his kids not supposed to be a completely sympathetic figure? Just ask yourself who you're gonna root for: that sort of figure or the individual who left kids unattended in the middle of the African wilderness?

The show tries to get us to feel bad for EVERYBODY. No asshole is exempt here. Quickmane, Proudmane, even Powerstrike who legit said looking at her disabled daughter makes her feel "weak" and Farleap who pulled /r/thathappened shit out of her ass to justify abusing her disabled sister. And this is simply because "sympathetic villains" are all the rage now. That's it. The creator felt it would make her villains "more complex" like the more well-handled examples she no doubt drew inspiration from and this came before hammering down that their actions - particularly abuse and murder - can never be justified or sympathised with. And that's why your argument that "villains have standards" is irrelevant here. Yes, they do. But most of the examples on TVTropes never have their actions diminished or justified through that trope? They are still portrayed as firmly wrong in their actions, especially if those actions concern abuse or murder. It's the same thing with Edge in our comic: yes, he's portrayed as somebody who cares for his kids but... he's still evil and has killed people. Which we choose to bring up and remind the audience of as opposed to just forgetting about it after the first episode like My Pride did. lol - RJ

[sviancontrast]

Everyone has to see

Prompt: The comic relief character goes missing, and nobody looks for them. Except for the villain.

Prompt source:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CwK9KEEuwml/?igshid=MWZjMTM2ODFkZg==

@lilygotabunchofflowers enjoy this lil' improvised story, I'm actually gonna name characters in this one!

CW: cliff? Ig? May seem suicidal but I swear it's not

As the sun rose up in the sky, The Wishers woke up from the calmest night they had had in a while. Whenever Denzel kept watch while the others rested, they always had a good rest, thing that rarely happened with anyone else, but they had always though it was just sheer luck.

Of course, when they woke up and saw that there was, in fact, no one guarding the entrance of their hiding spot, they questioned how long had it been empty and what could have happened, but no one even considered looking for him.

"He'll be fine, he always is. You know him, I bet he just went for a walk or something," stated Colton, doing a dismissive motion with his hand as he started packing up.

"Yeah, nothing bad can happen with Denzel watching," replied Mary, who had started packing Denzel's stuff after finishing with her own.

No one else commented anything, for they were too sleepy to form a coherent sentence, but they agreed.

However, they never noticed the kid who was watching them from afar, taking down notes before running back to her base. She had an agreement with Ferdinand in which she would have her life forgiven if she informed him of any and all advances from The Wishers.

"So?" asked Ferdinand, glancing at Becky.

"The jokester is missing, but —" she got interrupted.

"Tell your father to get the search dogs. Ask Hunter for the scent," he ordered, not really needing to hear the rest of it.

"What? You didn't let me finish, sir," she complained.

He looked at her with a calm look, Ferdinand had never been the kind to mistreat his subordinates. Then, after a few seconds, he parted his lips, letting the words spill out, "They aren't concerned about his whereabouts, are they?"

She remained silent for a second, then asked, "How did you know?"

"Oh, Becky, it's my job to know everything about those bastards so I can properly plan out how to take them down. That guy —Denny, was it?— has never worried them, so it's not surprising they're so calm about this."

"Oh... But, sir, why is it that you wish to find him, if I may ask?"

"Well, you see," he started, walking with her to where Hunter and her father were, "despite him being a jokester, he is a great source of inside information. Plus, everyone has to see the show we are planning out, don't you think so?"

She simply nodded, heading off to where both men were. Meanwhile, Ferdinand took a left turn and headed to the Maps and Plans room, as he liked to call it.

The room was both his source of inspiration and the space where he wrote down most of his ideas, but now he needed a new one. What would he do once he had Denzel right in front of him?

"Let's cross that bridge once we get to it," he thought to himself, "I'll go with them and see for myself."

It wasn't noon yet when the dogs guided the small group to a cliff. Seeing the space they were in and having memorized the way, Ferdinand gave out a simple but strange order, "You may return now, I'll take it from here, thank you."

They all glanced one another before nodding and starting to make their way back to the base. Once he made sure no one else was nearby, Ferdinand sat by the cliff, looking at Denzel.

"What are you doing here?" Denzel asked, not even sparing Ferdinand a glance.

"Well, someone had to look for you."

"No, no one had to look for me. You are quite literally the worst person who could've come."

"But here I am, and guess what? They didn't even bother coming."

"Of course they did not, got anything else to say?"

There was a short silence before he responded, "I want to know what made you come here, Denzel. I want to know everything."

Denzel finally looked at him, even if it was for a few seconds, before rolling his eyes and closing them, laying down on the grass beneath him as he left his feet dangling.

"Ah, I think I understand now," the villain hummed, a smile making its way to his face, "You're drained. So many years being just the jokester of The Wishers, the one who keot watch the calmest nights, the one whose efforts were never acknowledged. That must have felt like getting kicked in the ass and being laughed at because of it, am I wrong?"

He didn't need to hear him answer, he could see the tears breaking out from his tired eyes.

"You're staying out of it all from now on, aren't you?"

"Yeah . . . I've had enough," was his only response.

Ferdinand hummed to himself as he stood back up, then offered, "Look, we had a deal that whoever got out wouldn't get involved in this, so how about you cone to my base and rest? I won't ask you for anything, I just want you to sit back and watch."

Ferdinand couldn't help but notice the discrete interest in the other's face, so he offered him his hand to help him get back up. Denzel didn't hesitate much and took it, getting up slowly, finally seeming to have relaxed.

Maybe a bit too much, for he passed out on Ferdinand right away. Keeping watch all night instead of having turns must been really exhausting.

"I'll make sure you enjoy it as much as I will. No, scratch that, I'll make sure everyone enjoys it. After all, everyone has to see."

[farfromstrange]

Foreigner's God: Chapter 7

Main Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x OFC

Chapter Summary: There is something incredibly off about Tony’s behavior, and Eliza decides she can’t do it anymore. She’s done. The fight leads to several revelations. One, she might be going slightly insane and two, Clinton Church is actually quite the nice place to go to if you’re having a panic attack. Other than that, Matt is still himself. While that might lead to some tension between them, she’s never been happier to have a place to go to that isn’t lonely, and he cares. This friendship might just be all she needs, after all.

Warnings: this is so long, mentions of drug abuse, alcohol consumption, there’s some foreshadowing, Tony Stark is being slandered, a phone call with Peter, hallucinations, panic attack, religious imagery, confession, praying, S3 spoilers, Eliza’s ever-lasting guilt, arguing, yelling, daddy issues (not the sexy kind), crying, not feeling good enough, some bad humor & cliché age gap joke

Other characters: Natasha, Steve, Thor, Bruce, Tony, Clint, Peter Parker, Father Lantom & Sister Maggie, also some random homeless man just trying to help a girl out

Word Count: ~ 10k

A/n: I tried working out some of my own religious trauma with this one and also… well, this shit is plot-heavy so you might need a clear head to read this. If anyone asks, no I’m not okay. And no, Tony just acts like an asshole. He ISNT the villain. Still haven’t done him dirty enough, but we’ll soon be done with the slander. The next chapter will be posted tonight as well!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated!

Read Chapter 7: right where you left me Here on AO3!

18+ MINORS DNI

The first time Eliza Bennett met Tony Stark was the day Loki destroyed New York. She’d only been working for SHIELD for a short amount of time back then, trying to get accustomed to her new life, her new identity. It’s safe to say she has always been exceptionally good at it. At being an Agent, being a hero, and every other thing way beyond her maturity level. She was never taught any better. Being an Agent in the field resembled her life at Hydra almost down a tee. Except she wasn’t killing people and she had her own free will, which was nice, but also not so much. She followed orders but she had a choice to stay or to start a new somewhere, get a taste of that human lifestyle everyone kept telling her about. It was new and scary, and she hated the fact that it didn’t feel like her.

May 3rd, 2012.

She was undercover at a gala when she heard the static rushing in her earpiece. “Mission’s over,” Natasha said. 

“What?” Eliza looked down at the glass of Martini in her hand, then back at the dance floor on which the Senator she was watching kept twirling his date around. “I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet,” she said. “I practiced my tango, like you told me to. It’d be a shame if I couldn’t show it off!”

The woman laughed. “I’d love to see it, but this is urgent. Pack up! We’re going back on the Helicarrier. I’ve got someone else covering our Russian spy senator and his bimbo.”

“Don’t call her a bimbo, Nat.“

“But it’s true. Admit it.”

“No.”

“Okay.”

Eliza left the party, the black limousine waiting for her at the entrance. The nice valet opened her the door, but he was dangerously pale around the nose. She cocked her head. Someone had been threatening him.

Natasha sat in the dark of the backseat, holding a file. She should’ve expected the redhead to make her appearance so soon. Urgent meant nothing less than time sensitive and when it came to matters with such a label, she was always first on every scene.

“Wait, weren’t you just in some Russian guy’s lair?” she asked her.

“Yeah, Coulson bailed me out. Threatened the guy. I almost had him. Ended up kicking his ass like the little bitch he was.”

“Did you get the intel?”

“What do you take me for?”

“Of course, you did. So, what’s up? What’s up with the urgency?”

“I know you’ve never done this before,” Natasha said. She handed the file over, her hand enveloped in black leather gloves. “But the fate of the world depends on it, and we could really use your help right now.”

She opened the brown folder, the first page a picture of a glowing blue box. “The tesseract,” Eliza choked out. An object with the most magnetic pull.

Fury never once allowed her to be less than ten feet of it. She had to stay in the circle. Why, she didn’t know, but he had his reasons. 

“Yes, it’s recently come into possession of a, uh… I don’t know what he is. An alien? Some guy with greasy hair and a spear. He’s not of this world, that’s for sure. He stole it from the base earlier tonight.”

“This thing has unimaginable power. How could he just steal it?”

“As I said, he’s an alien. And he’s Thor’s brother. Turn the page.” She did. The next series of pictures were screenshots from the security cameras. The man with black hair stared straight at the screen. He was attractive, sure, but the crazy in his eyes killed the mood.

“Jesus.” Eliza shook her head. Somehow the glow of his scepter felt… familiar? It was just a picture, it was probably stupid, but she felt drawn to it nonetheless. “What’s the procedure?” she questioned. 

Natasha smirked. “We’re getting the band back together.”

With the band, she meant the Avengers. The Avengers Initiative failed before. Imagine her surprise when the pair set foot on the Helicarrier to find the group of unlikely allies meddled together for the first time ever. None of them looked like they belonged there.

“I could imagine better things than to be trapped on here with the Hulk,” she told Natasha. “And the guy whose brother is currently threatening to take over the world.”

“He’s still my brother!” Thor snapped from somewhere in the distance.

“He killed eighty people in two days.”

“Well, he’s adopted.”

“And I’m a former Hydra operative. What’s your point?”

“See, so even you have made mistakes, earthling.”

Eliza glared at the blond man. He was attractive. He was tall and muscular and every woman’s dream. In that moment though, all he did was infuriate her to the point, her blood boiled.

“Don’t call me earthling, you daft Asgardian Shakespeare.”

“I feel like you have been misinformed about me. I’m Thor, the God of-“

“Thunder, yeah, I know. I don’t care.” She turned to the rest of the team. “If I end up squashed,” - she pointed at Bruce - “under the edge of a Vibranium shield,” - she pointed at Captain America - “shot with an arrow through the eye,” - her eyes narrowed at Clint - “hit with a magic hammer or ATTACKED BY A FUCKING METAL SUIT, MISTER STARK!” Tony felt her finger poke deep into his chest. “I will make sure we all die up here,” she finished. “You got that?”

But Natasha taught her all about control, so she swallowed the red threatening to expose her and focused back on the task at hand.

Tony was actually the only one to eye her with curiosity instead of fear. “Do they usually start this young?” he asked. 

Eliza used to be a very superstitious person. She didn’t trust anyone outside of her fellow Agents and even then she kept her distance. She was a scared girl in a big world, not knowing who she was or how she got there, with powers raging inside of her that she couldn’t quite grasp. The Avengers were a pool of strangers that she was tossed in without ever having learned how to swim.

So, naturally, when Tony made his jokes, she put her guard up. “No,” she told him, “We usually start younger.”

“So, baby spies?” He’s never been a particularly serious person.

It was twisted that this was the thing that enthralled him about her. He couldn’t keep his mouth shut for the life of him. Eliza was so frustrated to the point where she considered putting a bullet through his iron suit. Though when he flew that missile into space, she couldn’t help but pay her respects to his heroic antics. The careless man she’d met before somehow appeared in a different light then.

“You’re a great kid,” Tony said to her after the battle. “We should do this again sometime.”

That was four years in the past. 

Eliza warmed up to Tony instantly. The respectful, caring side of him. It was the original reason why she agreed to move into Avengers Tower in the first place. She ditched SHIELD for the Avengers. He mentored her. Tony was the first person after Fury to see something in her, willing to do just about anything to bring it out in her. 

Tony Stark made her feel loved for the first time in her life. Perhaps that’s why it hurt so much to see their once so-invincible bond break apart. 

Eliza asked herself where exactly they went wrong. Was it something she did or something she could’ve prevented? As so often, there was nothing to explain Tony’s behavior other than the fact that he was just Tony. 

Tony wasn’t the man he used to be, and he certainly didn’t portray as the kind of person he wanted to be. He turned from an idol into an antagonist – Eliza wished it would’ve been a sudden change, but reflecting on the past two years she realized it was meant to happen.

Eliza knew better than to try and make him see. He had to fall head-first into the abyss to realize his mistakes. He needed a swift kick in the ass and an excellent punch to the face. She couldn’t do that. Life had to do it to him.

Like Steve once said to her, “If holding onto something hurts you more than letting go, you need to let it go. If it’s meant to be, it’ll come back to you. If it’s not, at least you got rid of the pain.”

By the time Happy pulled up to the compound, Eliza accepted the fact that it would never be the same again. She had to let go eventually. She would give him one last chance, she decided, and if he decided to turn around and shit on it, she would take Steve’s advice and save herself. For once in her life, she had to listen. Holding onto the wrong people was her best talent, but sometimes even talent has to be laid off to protect your fragile little heart. 

“We’re here,” Happy snapped her out of her thoughts.

She dreaded every step into the compound. Her heart beat up to her throat. The oxygen supply sank with every passing second.

Eliza took the familiar road to Tony’s office. He was waiting for her behind the door. She hesitated, hand on the handle. She hated confrontation. She didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t her turn to apologize, but somehow she felt like she had to. Sad, wasn’t it? He had her judging guilty without even trying, even when she didn’t need to. She was just that dependent on his approval. 

She pushed the thoughts away. She wasn’t a child anymore, she was an adult. Adults don’t make their lives dependent on one person, no matter how much they mean to them. Adults are supposed to stand their ground. She had to learn how to do that. She did it the previous night, she could do it again. Tony didn’t own her.

“You came,” Tony’s voice sounded breathy, hungover, from the corner of the room.

Eliza exhaled, a mix between a sigh and a scoff. “You left me no choice,” she said. “Sending Happy to my place was a desperate move.”

“I couldn’t reach you. At first, I thought maybe you lost your phone, but then I realized you blocked my number. If anything, you left me no choice. I wanted to talk to you without dozens of people around to ask stupid questions.”

“Why?”

“You left before I could talk to you last night.”

“Seriously? You’re just gonna act like this is all it is? Miscommunication?”

Tony scoffed. She saw the bottle of Scotch on his table, the half-filled glass. It was ten in the morning.

“Are you drunk again?” she asked.

“You don’t get to do that.”

“I don’t mind day drinking, I only mind hypocrisy.”

“I asked you here to apologize for what I said.” He took a sip.

“You were drunk, Tony.”

“And I’m sorry for that. I had one too many drinks because I didn’t want to face Secretary Ross sober. Every time I see him, I’m reminded of Rogers and what he did.”

“What Steve did?” Eliza glared. “You both screwed up! It wasn’t just him.”

“Don’t you think I know that?”

“It kind of seems like you don’t.”

“Give me a break!” 

She flinched away. Her eyes fluttered close, her feet carried her a step back, and her arms instantly lifted themselves in front of her chest as if physically defending herself was going to block the words from entering her ears. It didn’t. 

Tony’s frown crumbled. He didn’t have the power of empathy on his side, but he saw the fear displayed in her eyes and he felt a sudden ping of regret. “I’m sorry,” he said, quieter this time. He opened his arms - a peace offering. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.”

“You’re drunk,” she whispered. The tears stung behind her still-closed lids. “You’re drunk,” she said once again. She opened her eyes again. “I know what chronically drunk people are like, so I know that anything you say could either be complete bullshit or the honest-to-God truth. Tell me, why should I believe anything you say right now?”

He watched the tears slide almost elegantly from the corner of her left eye, down her cheek, and her neck. He waved his hands a little. “I’m not drunk. I’ve had two glasses of Scotch to fight off the hangover.”

“There’s still alcohol in your system. Too much to consider it sober.”

“You’re right, I’m not sober.”

“I know. What I don’t know is what you want from me. My pity?”

“No!” Tony scoffed. “It’s just been hard for me,” he began to explain himself. “Ever since Rogers - Steve - left, I’ve been feeling like I failed. Do you know what that’s like? I’m the man who killed the Avengers. I saw it. I saw it with my own eyes.”

“Oh, come on!”

“No, hear me out. When that little witch Wanda played with my head, I saw it. I saw all of you, dead. It was my fault. I’m comparing these two right now and I don’t see much of a difference. Look, I’m on my last straw right now.”

Eliza shook her head. “You could’ve told me,” she said. 

“I tried! I tried to tell you that this is my worst nightmare come true. So many times.”

“How, by calling me a lost orphan in front of the most powerful people in New York City?”

“You don’t understand,” he said. “I was drunk and angry and I didn’t mean it.”

“You’re right, I don’t understand because you’re not making any sense.”

“I made our friends enemies of the State. I did. Rogers, Romanoff, Wanda, all of them! I killed the Avengers.”

“And you know, Sam, Scott, even Vision, just because he’s in love with a fugitive. Can’t even say their names, can you?” 

“Jesus!” He scoffed. “You’re turning my words against me.”

“Can you blame me?” Eliza asked, challenging him. 

“This isn’t about blame.”

“What, you want me to feel bad for you?” She cocked her head. “This is on you, not me. If you’re waiting for the pity party, you’re not getting any.”

“Listen, kid. I know you’re struggling and I’m sorry I’m not there for you like I used to be, but this is hard on all of us. Especially on me. This shit show is getting on my last nerve. The press, Ross, fucking Rhodey and Happy- you know, it’s not easy when the world is resting on your shoulders,” he said. 

The exasperated laugh was an answer of heavy proportions. “Boohoo, cry me a river, Tony! Honestly, you either complain or apologize, you can’t do both and expect me to roll with it.” She wished she had the same glass of Scotch he was carrying only so she could swallow the horrendously bitter taste on her tongue, but she didn’t. She was glad she didn’t. She wanted to be better than him. She wanted her words to be sober. She wanted him to understand, for whatever the desperate attempts were worth.

Tony shrugged. “It’s true. There’s a lot more I’m carrying that you don’t know about,” he said, “and I’m glad you don’t.”

“And you don’t know about the shit I have to carry,” she replied. Her lip twitched into a sour smile. “But I’m glad you don’t.”

He smirked, but it was fake. The way she spoke left no space for interpretation of just how sour she was. She was mad, offended, disappointed, all of those things and yet, she came. She always did. 

“All I need is some time to clear my head, and Scotch. Lots of Scotch.” He poured himself another glass from the small bar in the corner of his office, a small mahagoni table overlooking the New York skyline behind the compound. The perfectly trimmed grass and bushes in the front yard lead to the small forest separating the Avengers from downtown. It was beautiful. 

“You need time,” she repeated his words. “It’s funny because when you say it’s hard on all of us, I feel like it only entails you. I had to clean up your mess, again,” she said. “I shouldn’t have to. I struggle too, you know. I’m not saying you aren’t, but maybe you should take your own words into account and think about the people around you. You aren’t the only one who lost, we all did.” 

His shoulders tensed. Something changed. Was that regret she saw in the colors around his soul? She could’ve sworn she saw black somewhere, but it was hard to tell with the mess he was and the alcohol that seemed to turn the shade of anger darker, and the pride threatened to consume him. 

“I always have to take care of everything. I trained you, Eliza. I made us a team. I got you all a job you could count on. You had all the benefits in the world. Healthcare, stability, housing… you had all of that. It was safe. You guys were safe. And yet - and fucking yet - we managed to blow up. We always do. Everything always blows up, no matter what I do, and I’m tired of watching it happen without having an ounce of control in it. I think it’s time I finally focus on myself.”

“How can you say that after everything that happened? I can’t take this anymore,” she said, and she meant it. “I have to soften all the blows. It’s not even my job!”

“You need to learn how to take responsibility,” he argued.

“Responsibility?” That was the last straw. “I’ve been taking responsibility since the day I got here! I’ve been cleaning up the messes you’ve made again and again. Now, I didn’t mind. We were a family, but lately, it feels like I’m just doing it because I’m supposed to. Maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe I shouldn’t have accepted being used like that.”

“Being used?” Tony asked, voice dangerous as he rose from his chair. “I did everything for you. You got a home, money, and a job. You met people others can only dream about. What else do you want?”

“Maybe some appreciation, for a change. I mean, are you treating Peter the same way?”

“Peter- is this what this is about? Are you jealous of that kid?”

“No!” maybe a little. “My point is that I was around Peter’s age when we first met. After everything you learned over the years and what I’ve been through, don’t you think it’s my right to tell you your place?“

“Pepper took you under her wing, Happy worries about you all the time, I mentored you. I got you back on your feet. I made sure you didn’t go to jail. Hell, I even funded your drug addiction when I didn’t even know you were taking those stupid pills, and yet, I’ve never asked you to pay me back!” 

“Oh, please,” Eliza spat back. “What would you ever do without having my mental illness as a justification for your actions? Honestly, you’re acting like that’s all I am. Fuck you, Tony! I thought you cared about me.”

“I do!” he said. “All I ever did was because I care about you. I saw your talent when no one else did. Not even Fury shaped you the way I did. So don’t tell me you’re not being appreciated! I care more than anyone else on this planet. I saved your life, goddamnit!”

“Jesus Christ, Tony, why can’t you just listen?” Fresh tears pooled in her eyes. The water crept dangerously close to the brim, threatening to bubble over. Eliza wasn’t even surprised.

She’d cried more in the past couple of days than ever before. She was a wreck. Time had done its damage. Life had taken its toll. She was bound to break eventually, she just never thought it would happen like this. She never thought it would come to this. The world stopped spinning the day the Avengers left her behind.

“I’m so sick and tired of fixing everything,” she said. “I’m not your therapist. Hell, I’m the one who needs one. I’m not just some messed up orphan that’s become your burden. You were everything to me…” The ocean was too wide and she never learned how to swim. “I looked up to you. I idolized you and wanted to be like you. You taught me so much and yet nothing prepared me for the person you’d be.”

Eliza wiped her cheeks furiously with the back of her hand. “This isn’t you! Ever since you and Steve fell out and the Avengers broke up, you’ve been spiraling out of control. You changed! You turned into this wreckage of a man, a shell of who you used to be, and that shell is filled with so much sour hostility. The Tony Stark I know wouldn’t risk everything by putting down the guests at his party. He wouldn’t hurt his friends and family in front of everyone. The Tony I know would listen to what I have to say. He’d take my worries into account. The Tony I know would do anything to protect me, but you’re not there. You haven’t been there in a very long time, but I lived with it because I still had hope. I had faith in you, Tony.” 

He aggressively downed another glass of Scotch, knuckles turned white from the hold he had on it. 

“You taught me to always believe in the good in people, and help when someone needs it. I made it my personality trait. What happened, Tony? What happened to make you this way?”

“You don’t get to do that,” he said. “You don’t get to ask me what happened when you were the one who completely lost herself all those years ago!”

“I picked myself up again! I admit that I’m broken, but that doesn’t give me the right to take it out on people. That’s what you do. You blame everyone but yourself for everything that’s wrong with you-“

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“See? That’s what I’m talking about. You won’t listen!”

“Oh, I am listening. I am listening very well. Let’s talk about what I’m listening to, yeah? Except for the fact that you’re trying to make me feel bad for one stupid slip-up-“

Eliza interrupted him with a frustrated groan, “It wasn’t just one stupid slip-up, Tony. It’s a fucking series and I’m done watching!”

“Don’t interrupt me,” he said. “You call me a hypocrite, but while you accuse me of neglecting you, it’s you who won’t listen. You think you’re so smart, prancing around at night, behind my back, with a criminal? And then you have the nerve to pretend like you’re a good girl and lie to my face! That’s what hypocrisy is, Eliza! You’re a hypocrite!”

The words tasted like poison on her tongue.

Tony was nowhere near done. The fire just kept on burning. “You’re jealous of Peter? Well, he learned his lesson after I called him out. You didn’t. You did the exact opposite of what I told you. Fucking hell!”

“What are you even talking about?” she asked.

“Daredevil.”

“What?” The name rang in her ears. Her mind instantly went to Matt. It made her wonder just how much he knew.

“Don’t play dumb now,” he bellowed. “I know you’re working with him. You’re following down circumstantial leads that almost got you killed.”

“How would you even know?” 

“I’ve got eyes and ears everywhere, remember?”

“It’s not what it looks like,” she tried to justify herself, but it was essentially all useless. Her secret was out. What terrified her most was the fact that she didn’t care.

“It’s not? Who do you think is keeping the press off your ass right now? It’s only a matter of time before your little secret comes out and then it’s Ross knocking on my door all over again.”

“You didn’t listen to me.” She remained dangerously calm. “So I took matters into my own hands.”

“What do you think you’re doing?” He threw his hands up. “You’re not a vigilante! You were with Pfeiffer when he got shot. What did he tell you? Did he play into your suspicions?”

Eliza cocked an eyebrow. “How do you know I was there?” she asked. The truth itched the back of her brain.

Tony sighed, nostrils flared. “I put a tracker into your SIM card when I got it for you.”

“You did what?”

“In my defense, you tend to get into trouble quite a lot.”

It wasn’t that easily justified. He was monitoring her like a criminal because he didn’t trust her. If her heart hadn’t been broken already, it surely would’ve broken right then and there.

“This only proves my point,” he said. “You could’ve gotten shot over a suspicion! And now Pfeiffer is dead and his blood is on your hands.”

“Don’t you dare,” she ground her teeth. “It was Hydra, you and I both know that. You just don’t want to acknowledge the fact that we failed.”

“You’re paranoid, Eliza. I stand by that. People died because of your inability to stay out of shit that doesn’t concern you-“

“It doesn’t concern me? Tony, they stole my childhood, they experimented on me and tortured me! There’s nothing more of my concern than that stupid organization! This is so much bigger than we thought. You’d know that if you’d just listened.”

“I listened, I didn’t like what I heard so I’m cutting you off,” the statement was final, she saw it in his eyes. But Eliza was done for good. He could do whatever he wanted. She was done.

“You know,” she said, “We used to be such a good team. We swore to eliminate threats. What happened to that?”

“Agendas change,” he stated.

“No, not this time. You just want to control me. I don’t know why, maybe you’re scared or maybe you just don’t have any faith in me. Either way, I’m not gonna stop. We both know that.”

“You’re making a mistake.”

“Am I? Or am I just not following your orders?”

“Not following my orders is a mistake. Trust me. You’re doing the wrong thing, Eliza. You’re chasing the wrong ghosts. If you do this, I can no longer protect you.”

She shrugged. “I’ll take that chance.”

“You don’t understand. If you do this, I’m gonna stop. If you do this, you’re no longer an Avenger.”

“I haven’t been an Avenger since Berlin.”

The emptiness in Eliza’s eyes put a distance of miles between them. Tony was waiting for her to pull back from the edge of the cliff, to run back into his arms. He was waiting for her to make a different decision, one that didn’t entail losing her, but one look into her eyes told him that he was no longer welcome. He wasn’t just losing her, he already had.

“I didn’t ask you to keep the press off my ass,” she said to him. “If Ross wants to arrest me, let him. I’d rather go to jail than sit back and do nothing to save this city. If you decide to do the latter, that’s your choice. It’s not mine. I want to see them burn the way they burned me. If you try and stand in my way, I might just burn you too.”

“Are you threatening me?” Tony asked.

“No,” she smiled, “it’s a promise.” The door handle felt hot instead of cold under her hands this time.

She looked down. The veins underneath her skin were glowing bright red instead of faint blue. In the reflection of the window, she caught a glimpse of her eyes. She was standing knee-deep in her misery and the pain did little to help her stay in control. 

He’s lying to you. She tilted her head.  Her reflection moved towards her. The window turned into a one-way mirror. Smoke started to pool at her feet. The stranger was trapped behind the glass. She pressed her hand against it, eyes switching between Tony at his desk and Eliza, clawing at the door handle. A strange magnetism kept her tied to the metal. 

She tipped her chin. Leave. Her mouth wasn’t moving, so how could she possibly hear her voice, so close yet so far away? 

Don’t look back. 

“If you walk out that door,” Tony said, one last attempt to close the distance between them, “We’re done.”

Eliza pulled. “That’s fine by me.”

“Maybe you should just think this through-“

“I did. I made this decision on my own. Nothing you say or do can change that. I may not be an Avenger anymore, but at least I’m not the one that killed them. You killed the Avengers, Tony. You ruined us. Do with that as you will, but if I were you, I’d rethink the decisions I made.”

She wasn’t sure what came over her.

“Eliza-“

“No, I’m done. Paint me the villain, I don’t care. At least then I know I’ve done it right. Here,” Eliza reached into the pocket of her jeans. The film of pictures weighed heavy in her hands. She hesitated, though the decision was a conscious one. “Good luck cleaning up the mess you made.” She let the snippets fall to the floor. Her face was broken in half, eyes scattered around, all familiar faces that once had been there but were long gone. “I’m not gonna do it for you,” she said. “You can lie in this yourself.”

All the strength Eliza displayed at the compound magically evaporated the second she set foot outside. She didn’t even tell Happy why she was running or where, for that matter. She wasn’t even sure where she was going. All she knew was that she needed to get out; she needed to put not only emotional but also a physical distance between her and Tony and everything else that reminded her of the life before, and just get out of the life she once lived for good. It was over anyway. 

Happy gave her space, he always did. He thought it was because of what Tony said, but the truth was much worse than that. She couldn’t stand being around him. He would do anything for her and that thought was so suffocating, especially after the conversation, that all she wanted was to abandon him completely. It wasn’t for her good, it was for his. She would always push him away, she would always hurt him in some way, and he would always come back, no matter how hard she kicked him.  

Eliza only realized she was running when she came to a halt in front of the memorial established downtown. Their names were engraved golden on the metal plate. The Battle of New York. A silent reminder of the day the sky opened up and aliens invaded the planet. Proof that humans weren’t alone in the universe, after all. 

She’d torn apart the last piece of them she had left to prove a point. It was pathetic. Those were just names on a plate, meaning the world to people. The faces lay scattered on Tony’s office floor. People read the sign and remembered the destruction. No one cared about the faces behind the names, unlike they used to.

They used to be a family. The names on the sign slowly grew into strangers. Eliza felt like everyone else, bystanders watching from the outside. Just names, no faces. Those heroes saved the world once, but that was all they were. The memories of happier times slipped further away. It seemed like she’d watched the time fly by from her little bubble like she hadn’t been part of life back then, only a watcher amid the public eye. 

She’d told Natasha once, “I’m afraid that if I accept this to be true, if I accept this one good thing for myself, that I’m gonna lose it eventually. Because there has never been anything good in my life before and I’m scared. Good things don’t come to people like me, not without a price.“

How right she’d been. Yet she was foolish enough to accept Natasha’s reassurance. “Stark may not be the most promising person, but I think he’s onto something with this group,” she’d said. “You deserve this more than anyone. You deserve to be part of a family. No one’s gonna take that away from you. I can’t speak for the rest, but I, for one, will always be there for you.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

I guess always was a lie, too.

Eliza wiped her nose. “No,” she whined. “Get out of my head!”

The sight must have looked insane. Anyone walking by could have easily mistaken her for a psychotic. 

Why? It’s not like I’m doing anything.

“Then why the fuck are you talking to me?”

I’m… not? 

“Liar.”

Well, to be fair, you kind of brought this upon yourself. The young woman looked like her. Same hair, same body type, same eyes, but there was something eerily different about her too. In every nightmare she had, the demons didn’t have a face. She was tormented by memories and self-deprecating thoughts.

If hell was real, she assumed this was how Satan and all her demons spoke because she hated it and it made her want to die.

Did you really think you could continue lying to yourself?

“Peter, hey,” she spoke as soon as the line of her phone clicked. “How are you?”

“Liz?” the boy’s confused voice sounded from the other end. 

“Hi!”

“Is everything okay?”

She silently wiped the snot from her nose. “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” she said, and then she laughed. She laughed as if what she’d said was the truth. 

“Oh, you just usually don’t call me unless it’s urgent,” he said. “So I thought something happened. Is it the Avengers? Do we have a mission?”

“Yeah, about that…”

He’s not gonna understand. 

“What?” The school bell rang distinctively in the background. “I actually have class right now, so if it’s not that important and you don’t mind, maybe you could make it quick? Or perhaps call back another time? Not- not that I think what you have to say isn’t important. It always is! It’s just- I’m kind of behind with my grades and stuff and I really want to get into MIT. Spider-Man has really been kicking my ass lately.” He chuckled.

You’re gonna hurt him.

Eliza copied him. “It’s fine. I just- I have something to tell you and all I ask of you is to just listen. Can you do that?” she asked. 

There was a pause. “Okay,” Peter agreed. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m officially done with the Avengers. That’s the truth.”

And you can’t change who you truly are. 

“What-”

“Hear me out. Don’t say anything. Please.”

Don’t fool yourself again.

“O-okay.”

“Truth is, I’m done, Peter. I’m no longer an Avenger and I no longer want to be. Tony said some things… he said and did some things and I just- I quit. I know you look up to him, it’s your thing. You see him as a mentor and I want you to continue doing that, but my time here is over. It was the second Steve got onto that ship, I just didn’t want to acknowledge it. I tried to stay strong, and I tried to keep my faith, but I can’t. You’re too young, you haven’t known them as long as I have – hell, you didn’t know them at all. It’s a good thing, Peter, because that means you’re still innocent. There’s still hope,” she said.

The tears clogged up her throat and it was getting significantly harder to breathe. “I know you wanted us to be friends and I’ll continue being there for you, but it’s time I face the facts. The Avengers are done, at least the way I know them. I should’ve left earlier. It was only a matter of time before this would all escalate. There are some things you can’t be involved with, like the things I’m about to do, the things you’re gonna hear about me… The less you know the better.”

The cabby stopped where she told him to, his head turned patiently, waiting for her payment. She exhaled into the phone. 

“Eliza, you’re scaring me,” Peter’s voice was small. 

“Don’t be,” she told him. “There’s nothing to be scared of. I’m just trying to make amends before it’s too late, that’s all.”

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but it sounds like you need me right now. Maybe I should-”

“Drop my number, Peter. It’s for the best.”

“What, no!”

“I’m sorry.”

The phone cracked between her fingers. Glass scratched the inside of her palm. She watched as the broken device fell to the ground. She stepped on it, once, twice, until it was nothing but flat garbage. The SIM card was broken entirely, and the tracker was disabled and gone for good. Tony didn’t have anything on her anymore. She could go wherever she wanted, do what she wanted and say what she wanted. She didn’t need him and he didn’t need her. It was over. She was free. Though if that had been the truth, she should’ve felt that way, too. She didn’t. Instead, she felt fucking trapped. She felt chained. War was only just beginning. 

Eliza stood alone in the middle of downtown New York. There were no walls around her, not a shield to protect her. People bumped into her on their way down the street. The briefcases of businessmen dressed in black suits hit the back of her knee, making her stumble left to right. They were all so focused on themselves, she was nothing but a mere rock in the way that could be pushed aside. In our most natural habitat, we’re all selfish assholes focused solely on whatever target we’ve set our minds to. 

The voices were so loud, she could hear the conversations overlapping. Her ears were ringing. Emotions swarmed the air like an army of mosquitos. The tornado was heading straight for the village, strong enough to destroy everything in its path. 

Congratulations, Eliza. You just fucked up everything good in your life. 

“We’re a team,” she remembered Steve saying. “Ain’t getting one without the other.”

“I think Steve might be onto something,” Wanda came up to her one night. “I don’t know a lot about working as a team, but you guys make it seem easy. Makes me want to try and be better, you know.”

“You might just be the last straw holding this team together,” Natasha said shortly before they arrived at the UN, a dreaded talk on the plane after the events in Lagos.

“We knew this would happen eventually.” The worst part wasn’t the words coming out of Steve’s mouth, it was the way he said them. He sat in the dark, glass of Scotch in hand, blue eyes endless like the dead sea. “In the end, I don’t think we were meant to be,” he said. “Every great hero falls eventually. I think this is it. This is our fall.”

She begged him to stop, begged him to find another way, but to no avail. You can fill in the blanks on this one.

At the airport in Berlin, she looked at her friends for the last time. She had the choice between helping Steve or staying on Tony’s good side. Back then, she truly believed in him. She promised her loyalty. As she watched her friends get carried away though, her heart screamed, “You made the wrong choice!”

Eliza crossed the corner into an alley just in time. She pressed against the brick wall, the darkness shielding her from the tourists and native New Yorkers crowding the streets. So many people, and so little space. The walls caved in on her. There was so much oxygen in the air and yet not enough to make its way into her lungs the way it was supposed to.

She tore the hoodie over her head. Sweat ran down her spine. Her chest ached and the burning was only getting worse. She tried to breathe - she tried to exhale, inhale, then exhaled again. She tried everything she could think up in her fogged-up brain, but the air tore through her lungs like a flaming fire.

She threw her head back. The stone dug into her skull. Her fingers tingled. Thousand little ants covered her skin. She scratched, she gasped, but the animals fed at her like a cannibal’s teeth. The sea brought its waves higher, water filling her chest, choking on salt. She was trying to stay afloat, but it was getting harder and harder to breathe and the current grew strong enough to pull her down. 

Tony was going to let the press eat her alive, and in tow with the press came Secretary Ross. She only read the first couple of pages of the Accords, but it clearly stated that any kind of mission had to be approved by the government first. Even just the suspicion of risk had to be shared before hunting down leads. No playing the hero without the official ‘go’. Those were the rules. She broke them, clean through. She was playing the vigilante, jumping into the line of fire, using the dark web for answers. She believed Hydra was still out there and she had proof, too. She was obligated to tell Secretary Ross since Tony refused to listen - technically. Technically, she was supposed to be the good girl and wait. Sit down, look pretty. Technically. 

Eliza was never one to accept technicalities. She rather fought for what she believed in instead of following the rules. It was foolish, she knew that. It was stupid, reckless, and lacking common sense. She was aware of all of that and yet when it came to her gut, she knew she could count on it. 

Secretary Ross would arrest her the second he found out. He’d incarcerate her. She didn’t even want to imagine what they’d do to her in prison. Being an Avenger she might as well just walk naked into a lion’s den. 

Hydra was out there. They were more than willing to kill her. While she was hiding in an alley, tucked away from the world, there were people out there getting kidnapped for human experiments. The only thing standing between Hydra and success was Eliza and maybe Daredevil, but she was the bigger threat. 

Eliza loathed herself. She hated her body, hated the mind she was in. None of what she had on her felt like it belonged there. She didn’t deserve the powers, she didn’t deserve the love and care she received. Her existence was trouble, it brought danger to everyone close to her. She was cursed. She knew she was cursed, she had to be. 

You care too much about people - you might just be digging your own grave.

“Hey, lady, you alright?” the homeless man next to the trash container leaned over. She hadn’t realized he was there.

Eliza blinked through the smoke standing up to her ears. “What?” she wasn’t even sure the words came out.

“You look a bit pale. Want some beer?”

She shook her head. “I- I need to get out of here.” Her fight or flight response was damaged, she knew that better than anyone. She needed to get out, she needed to go somewhere safe. Somewhere no one could find her. Somewhere she wouldn’t be recognized.

Sure you do. Run. It’s all you know how to do. Run from the truth, run from who you are. 

She bumped into someone. “Sorry,” she apologized. 

People turned to the disturbed woman running through the masses. She paved the way by elbowing her assailants in the ribs. She ran without destination. She knew New York like the back of her hand, but the many sounds and the people made it hard to focus on the map she had painted up in her head. 

Can’t you see everyone is lying to you? Open your eyes. This is all a lie.

“Stop it! Get out of my head!”

Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie. We’re stuck together now. 

“Who are you?” Something high and sharp pierced her eardrum. 

I’m you. The real you.

She couldn’t see five things, only the sun blinding her into oblivion. The white stairs set in stone seemed like enough of a haven. She jumped the steps and through the gigantic doors, not knowing exactly where she was until she smelled the distant scent of candles, rosemary, and roses. Three things she could smell. That was a good start. She closed her eyes and felt the cold of the steel doors, the cool air on her heated skin, and the marble under her boots. The world finally seemed to slow down. The walls put space between them. She breathed. It wasn’t good, but it was better than nothing. 

“Can I help you?” the voice startled her. She reached into the back of her jeans only to realize she wasn’t carrying any weapons. 

Wide eyes looked around. It was no wonder the voice echoed off the walls. She stood in one of the largest rooms she’d ever seen. The windows were painted with colorful pictures -  pictures that told stories almost every child knew. Wooden benches paved the hallway. Marble walls stood high and mighty above them, almost threatening. 

The balding man lifted his arms with a smile. “I come in peace,” he said. 

Eliza took another look around. “I-“ she exhaled. “I’m not supposed to be here.”

“Please, this door is open to anyone. Would you like to sit down for a moment, catch your breath?” 

She hugged her arms around her torso. Her legs did feel kind of wobbly. “Yeah,” she said, “sitting sounds good.” 

She followed him to the closest bench. He took place next to her, but he didn’t speak until she found her sound again.

“I’m sorry, I’ve never been to church before. This is all very new to me.”

“You seem like you’ve been looking for a safe space,” the man said. “There’s no place safer than church.”

“What do I call you? Sir? Or is it Father?” 

He chuckled softly. “I’m Father Paul Lantom, but you may address me however you like. You want to tell me your name?”

“Eliza,” she told him.

“Well, Eliza, what are you running from?”

“I don’t know, life. I gave up everything I once knew, abandoned the people I loved - it was all I had left and I threw it all away. I thought I did the right thing. But now… I think I just made a huge mistake. Oh, God,” she sobbed. “I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said that. Fuck!”

“Do you want to talk about it? I promise I won’t tell. I’m a priest, I’m under the oath of confession, no matter what you tell me.”

She wiped her cheeks. “So you’re like a therapist in a cloak?” 

Father Lantom laughed. “If that’s what you want to call it, sure,” he said. “I can tell you don’t have the best relationship with church. Would you still like to talk?”

“I don’t know. Faith and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms,” she said.

“Religious trauma, I take it?”

“How’d you know?”

“Well, religion is supposed to be comforting. You don’t appear comfortable.”

“I’m not.”

“You don’t have to see this as confession. When you say you struggle with faith, that’s your thing. I won’t talk you into something you don’t want to. God wouldn’t want that. You can just sit here and compose yourself in silence if that’s what you’d like. I’m just going to lend you some company and an open ear, if the need arises, to make sure you’re alright.” 

Eliza frowned. “What does God want, exactly?” she asked. “Why does he let bad things happen to people?”

“God isn’t a person,” the father explained. “He’s a spirit, a deity. He’s a name, not a face. He’s whatever you believe, whatever you want him to be. Some people might see God in their pets, while others simply see him as a voice of guidance. Others don’t acknowledge his presence at all and still believe faith will show them their way. It’s not about God, it’s about what’s in your heart. Despite what a lot of people think, he’s not in control of the world. Things happen, some bad, some good, and some might be even considered a miracle. But he’s not a hero. He’s our hope, our faith, and with these two things you can turn bad things into good ones. For yourself, for others. That’s the thing about religion, about God, about faith – you don’t have to believe in him for him to have your back. Just because you’re an atheist doesn’t mean you’re going to hell. God doesn’t differentiate. We’re all the same in his eyes. Metaphorical eyes, of course.”

She clung to his every word. What once used to be forced on her seemed like a whole different thing now. The faith she used to have was twisted. It wasn’t God she prayed to, it was the face of evil. Hearing father Lantom’s words changed something inside of her; it opened the doors to her heart. She pulled her knee up to her chest. The candles on the altar in the front flickered with the comfortably cold chill. 

“I abandoned my old life to do something I believe in,” she decided to tell him. “Does that make me a bad person?”

“You say you believe in it?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it your purpose?”

“I don’t know, I’m still trying to figure that out.”

“Look inside yourself,” Father Lantom said. “Do you have to do it? Could you do something else and still get the same results? Do you live for it, or do you think about it at night because you can’t get it out of your head? Does it feel right, when you think about it?” 

She answered instantly, “Yes, to all of it.”

“Then it’s your purpose. You made that decision for a reason. You wouldn’t have abandoned your old life to pursue something you only believe half of. Also, if it was so easy to abandon it all, maybe it wasn’t meant to stay that way in the first place. There’s always something waiting for you out there, sometimes it just takes some time for you to find it. It may come in the shape of a task, a purpose, or maybe even a person. And sometimes it’s all of that combined into one.“

“What if I’m not sure yet? What if I still question if I did the right thing?”

“You’re going to find the answer,” he stated. “Sometimes it just takes a while. That is something God can’t do for you. He can only guide you in the right direction.“

“Yeah, but how do I know that?”

“Let me tell you this: when the time comes, you‘ll know. There’s no guide to faith. When you’re on the right path, you’ll know because you’ll feel it deep in your heart.”

Eliza lowered her head. “I never saw it like that,” she admitted.

“Hardly anyone does.” He smiled. “Faith isn’t a task to be accomplished. You have to open your heart to it and when you do, you also have to enjoy it. It has to make you comfortable. If it doesn’t, it may not be the right time for you.”

She thought about it. No pressure, that’s what he was saying. She always thought religion, and going to church, always came with the pressure to dedicate yourself to the cause. She’d always imagined it had to be the way Matt saw God – having blind faith, always. Once in, you can’t pull back out. Just like that. 

This time, Eliza felt comforted. 

“So does God ever send you, I don’t know, signs?” she asked him then. 

“The way you’re asking I assume you’ve been asking yourself this for a while now,” Lantom replied. 

“Yeah, you could say that. A couple of days now, actually.”

“You met someone?”

“Yeah, how did you-“

“I’ve got a lot of people asking me this particular question lately. It’s like a global epidemic has broken out.” Eliza chuckled. He smiled at that. “Everyone’s seeing signs of God everywhere. It sounds crazy, and it probably is too, but I think it’s nice to hear some positive things for a chance. God knows I haven’t been getting much peace.”

“So it is possible?”

“Everything can be a sign, Eliza.”

“It’s like God sent me an Angel,” she blurted out. At this point, the confessions came straight out of the bottle. It wouldn’t stop. “When I first met him, I didn’t think much about it, but the things he makes me feel… no one has ever taken care of me the way he does. He understands me. He came when I needed him most – no, I needed someone and then he was just there and everything made sense. Or well, the things that need to make sense make sense, the rest is just… blegh.” 

“You want to have my advice?”

“Sure, why not.”

“Seems like this is something you should pursue before it slips through your fingers.”

“He’s just so good.”

“Who’s to say you don’t deserve it? Nothing good is ever truly good and nothing bad is ever truly bad. You can’t sabotage yourself just because you think the good things aren’t meant for you.”

“They usually don’t come to me,” she argued. “Or when they do, they break.”

“That’s fear talking. You can’t let that take over.”

“But-“

“Stop making excuses. Someone you speak so highly of seems like someone you should keep around. Maybe he is a sign of God, maybe not. Does it really matter?”

Eliza pursed her lips. “This all just seems so surreal.”

“I know it does.” Father Lantom slowly rose from the bench. She looked up at him. “Think about it,” he said. “And when you need any more guidance, you know where to find me.” 

“Father,” she pulled at his robe, “Thank you,” she said. 

He smiled, patting her hand. “Anytime, Eliza.”

“Would you, uh, mind if I went to the altar and tried to pray?”

“This is a church. Why would I mind?”

His playfulness awoke a feeling of warmth within her. She nodded with a smile, excusing herself and making the long road toward the front. The cross hung high as Jesus lay nailed to it. She knelt, the steps turning colder beneath her knees. 

“You know, when all else fails,” he turned back to her on his way to his chambers, “Talking to God almost always leads to revelations. He listens, even when you think he doesn’t.”

Eliza crossed her chest. She’d seen it in movies, but there was usually a lot more holy water involved. Father Lantom made her believe that there was no wrong way to speak to God. There was no right way to believe. She stared at the altar. How easy it must come to Matt, the times he went to church, the times he went to confession. It was almost like second nature to him. He carried his faith close to his heart, always.

“I don’t know how to pray,” she admitted into the high walls of the church. “But I’ll try because I need something to believe in. I tried to hold on to hope like I was taught. I thought I could do this on my own. God, I was so wrong. I have neither hope nor do I have my life under control,” she said.

Eliza stared up at the angels set into the ceiling. They soared across the sky, watching over her. God isn’t a face. Though as she looked up, she could’ve sworn she saw a silhouette in the clouds. Hidden between the angels and the endless blue, she liked to believe she wasn’t talking to a ghost. 

“I’m kneeling here right now with nothing left to lose,” she said. Her knees ached, but she suffered through it. She suffered in the hope that if she surrendered completely, the sky would provide her with answers. “I have these powers raging through me, powers I don’t even know the full extent of. They’re- they’re changing the way I’m changing, and they’re growing, they’re getting stronger, and I’m so scared of what’s gonna happen next. I’m scared of what’s about to happen to me. It’s different when almost no one believes you. It’s just that everything and everyone’s slipping away from me. I’m scared I might even lose the last good thing in my life before this is all over.” 

She sounded so desperate, so broken. Her cheeks were wet from the tears, lips salty with the taste. She was on her knees, begging, crying out; she felt like a little girl all over again. Submissive, at the edge of the cliff. 

“I’ve been surviving for so long, I forgot what living feels like. No one’s taught me how to. And I can’t live, not like this, not when the fate of the world is on my shoulders. I just need a sign, anything, to know I can win this. That all the pain was worth it. It’s tearing me apart. I don’t know how to hope anymore. I regained some faith in this, in you, and for the first time, I feel like I have a hold on religion. But these people I’m hunting, they’re set out to destroy everything in their path. I can’t keep faith knowing I might just lose everything.”

Her lip quivered, “I can’t lose him, God, I can’t,” she said. “I like to think he came around for a reason, perhaps even a sign from you. He’s led by his faith and his grief, and all he cares about is doing the right thing. He thinks you gave him a purpose. Maybe this is mine. Maybe this is what I was made for, though I haven’t quite figured out what this is. I just know he’s with me and I’d be damned to lose him. 

“I promise to worship at your feet every day from now on if it means we make it out of this alive, that these men get what’s coming for them. I’d do anything for that sliver of happiness. I need to finish this chapter once and for all. If I have to die to ensure everyone’s safety, I will. I’d do just about anything, I swear. Just make sure the people I care about don’t suffer for my mistakes. This is my battle. My sacrifice. No one else deserves to die.” 

“You have so much love left to give,” Natasha’s voice sounded in the back of her head. “Don’t throw that away. Fight for what you want. No matter the cost.”

“I’m willing to pay every price,” Eliza spoke, God as her witness. “I’m done being in pain. I want to believe in you the way Matt does. I do. I need to win. I need this. I’ve sacrificed too much. God,” she cried. “Just this once I am begging for you to listen to me. I know I’ve committed many sins, and I know I’m probably going to hell, but if there’s at least some salvation left for you to give me, I promise I’ll be forever grateful. I’m going straight now. No one deserves to suffer the consequences of my actions but myself.“

You need to learn to take responsibility.

“I’m your disciple,” she swore.

I’ve been struggling with questions of identity as of late.

“Just don’t let me down, please. God, I’m begging you!”

Who am I?

“I need answers. I don’t know if I’ll be able to find them, but I have to try. What I’m about to do, I’m gonna do for a reason. Please, forgive me.”

He listens, even when you think he doesn’t.

She crossed her chest. “Amen.”

In the corner, where the confessional booth had its place, father Lantom watched from the safety of darkness.

“Lord, have mercy on her,” he quietly prayed. “Give her all the strength you have because that girl needs it.”

Eliza rose from the marble stairs. She was fragile, barely an adult. Deep down, she’d missed so much, she just wished to be a child again. She needed to lay in the comforting arms of her parents. All the things she’d lost, she just wanted back. 

Father Lantom copied her, crossing his chest. His face had fallen, a worried crease above his brows. The shadow next to him shifted.

“I hope all that praying was worth it.” He watched her strut the hallway towards the door. “And I hope to God he listened to a word she said or else our boy’s gonna be in a lot of trouble.”

Sunlight fell on the face beside him. Soft features had all crumbled up in worry. She stared up at the father, the crucifix clutched tightly between her thin fingers.

“You think it’s her?” the woman asked.

“Hmm. I could tell the second she stepped in.“

“What should we do?”

“Nothing,” father Lantom stated. “If I learned one thing from listening to his confessions all those years, it’s that Matthew is his father’s son. He doesn’t give up, even when he should.“

“I wish he did,” she sighed. “Just once, I wish he’d stop.”

The metal doors fell shut with a loud bang. Eliza’s steps disappeared onto the streets of Hell’s Kitchen, swallowed by sun-hungry people and the summer air.

Father Lantom gave the nun a gentle smile. “Your son is resilient, Maggie. He never goes down without a fight, and he also never loses. Besides,” he looked over at the empty bench in the back, “I think Matthew finally found a match that doesn’t completely manipulate him.” 

Maggie kissed the cross in her hands. “I just hope you’re right,” she said. 

The last thing she wanted was to lose her son before she even got the chance to explain herself to him.

Matt could hear Eliza's heartbeat from miles away. He picked her up around the area of Clinton Church, but his abilities didn't quite place her in the confines of his favorite place in Hell's Kitchen, neither did he manage to pick up the father's signature voice serenading her and taking away some of the built-up anxiety. By the time he sought her out, she was on the run again, on the way to her apartment and then, sometime later, carefully making her way to the closest taxi cab.

She told the driver to stop two blocks from his apartment building. On her way, she made sure to take extra turns just in case someone was following her. He figured the action was intentional, just something she had gotten used to, and she wasn’t going to stop, especially not in times like these. 

Then, her scent filled his nostrils, followed by the steady thump, thump, thump of her heart. She came in and the world lit up. Her presence brought fresh air into the four walls he called home. Though there was something about the way she acted. Her voice dropped a few octaves, her steps dragging tiredly across the wooden floor. It made him worry. He wondered what happened. Even the last spark he had seen hours before had vanished completely, lost somewhere on the dirty streets outside. 

Foggy had poked around, asking him all kinds of questions about the night before after he quickly showed his face in the office. He asked about Eliza and if he could get her number to check on her, just to see if she had gotten home alright. Even Karen worried. Any normal person would be after the events that took place at the party. The worst part was that Matt had to make them believe that everything turned out alright. 

“I walked her home,” he lied. “She’s… what can be expected. Stark really got to her but I, uh, figured it out. She’s okay.”

“Man, that sucks,” Foggy pouted at him. “I thought he was the good guy.”

Karen only laughed sarcastically at his words. “Won’t make that mistake again, will you, Foggy?”

“No. No, I guess I won’t. I’m sorry. Tell her that.”

Matt wasn’t planning on it. 

“Don’t you have a front door?” Eliza asked from the staircase that lead from the rooftop to his apartment. “I mean, when you said ‘backdoor’, I imagined a ground-floor apartment, not this.” She gestured to the controversial entrance. 

“I thought it would be better if no one saw you coming,” he said. 

She hummed. No smart remark, not a single joke, nothing. The wood creaked underneath her boots. He tilted his head to listen closer. He analyzed the way she inhaled, slightly quivering with every second drag, and her voice was significantly more hoarse. 

She placed what he suspected to be a duffel bag on the leather couch. “I made sure no one was following me,” she stated, concerning his earlier words, no doubt. 

“Yeah, I heard.” He felt stupid just standing there, but he didn’t know what else to do. 

“So you’re stalking me now?” What was meant as a joke sounded way more serious. 

“What if I were?” he asked. 

“I’d be offended, but given the circumstances, I’d forgive you.” 

Matt chuckled. He moved over to the kitchen, his steps methodical, knowing exactly where he needed to go, yet his arms stretched further from his body in case something might end up in his path. 

“You want anything?” 

Eliza looked over at him. “Sorry, what?” she said. 

“You want anything?” he repeated his question patiently. He opened the fridge, his bicep straining against the white dress shirt that hung clad to his torso. He had long discarded the suit jacket and the sleeves were rolled up. “I’ve got beer, wine, and water. That’s about it. I, uh, don’t keep many groceries here. I have some leftovers from the Thai place around the corner. Oh, and there’s an apple. It’s all that’s left from the gift basket I got from our last client.”

She chuckled. The truth was, her heart hurt. Not just her head but her soul. The new environment made her feel exposed. At least at the church, she had found solace. Under Matt’s gaze which wasn’t even a gaze, to begin with, but an even closer observation of her behavior, she felt naked. She felt vulnerable. He saw right through her, still trying to cover it up to allow her some modesty, but goddamnit, she knew that he knew something wasn’t quite right. He could probably smell the holy water on her. He could smell the sweat of anxiety, the dried tears, and the blood from gnawing on her lip too much. She wanted to run, though she decided against it since he would’ve found her sooner or later anyway. She couldn’t hide from Daredevil, not anymore. 

“Have you eaten yet?” he asked. “You sound exhausted.”

“I’m fine,” Eliza intercepted. 

He fiddled with the fridge’s door handle. “Are you sure?”

“I’m fine, really,” she said. 

“Hm.” She was lying to him. 

Against her claims, he handed her a glass of tap water. His nod motioned for her to drink. A silent demand. She lowered her head. It worked. She took a small sip, keeping her eyes on him as he brushed past her, hand ghosting against her lower arm. He didn’t have to speak for her to know. 

Once again, she looked around the apartment. The sun was slowly coming down, darkening most of the apartment and if it hadn’t been for the gigantic billboard across the building, she would’ve been wandering in the dark. 

The billboard would’ve been quite a nuisance to a seeing person. There couldn’t be many people who would volunteer to take such an apartment for longer periods unless they were, like Matt, blind. He probably found the soft buzzing at night comforting. 

Eliza felt drawn to the different pictures flashing across the screen. She walked up to the window to take a peek outside. The glass was slightly milky in its natural state, slightly discolored too, but that’s what interested her in the first place. The architecture of the place fascinated her. It suited Matt, although it was nothing like what she had expected. 

She wiped at the window, removing some of the fog caused by the sudden change of temperature inside. Matt liked his apartment cold, she realized. The windows couldn’t keep up with the presence of two people without condensation starting to prickle at the edges. 

The billboard showed a commercial for an insurance company. Ridiculous, she thought. He probably didn’t even know about the kinds of pictures that flashed across his windows every night. Insurance companies, condoms, groceries, and from time to time, tv show announcements. Not that he would even care about the show that was put on in front of his apartment. It was new to her, all of this. He had a different perception of things. What she found annoying, he enjoyed. What he hated, she considered normal. She couldn’t see herself falling asleep to condom advertisements, but the colors were nice, so maybe it wasn’t all too bad even for a sighted person after all. 

Matt chuckled behind her. “Say it,” he said. 

“Say what?” she asked. 

“You think it’s annoying.”

“What?”

“The billboard.”

“Well, this place is a shithole.” She shrugged, “but I don’t know, I think it’s a nice shithole.”

His chuckle transcended into laughter. “Yeah,” he grinned into his glass, “Sounds about right.”

“Rent’s probably through the roof, right?”

“Oh, yeah. I got a discount because of the Billboard since no one else would take it, but it’s still a lot. Especially for someone who doesn’t even make money.”

“Expensive shithole then,” she said. 

He nodded. “Expensive shithole.”

The apartment's location was unfortunate, but the room itself wasn’t all that awful. Eliza stopped at the small wooden desk that stood in front of what appeared like a supply closet. Files were scattered around, a braille printer to one side and a laptop to the other. She traced her fingers over the rough wood, feeling the dots on the papers. She wished she could read Braille, but it seemed like a hard task to learn. 

“Thank you for inviting me over,” she said.

“Sure, yeah,” he said. “How was your, uh, meeting with Stark?”

Eliza stiffened.

“You know what, forget it.” He placed his hands on his hips. “I shouldn’t have asked. It’s none of my business.”

She didn’t wait. “I quit.” Her nails dug into the paper. “I tore up our family picture and then I left.”

“What?”

“I left. I just… left.”

“Well, that’s- are you alright?”

“He knows about us, Matt!” The words came in a single breath.

“What?” he asked. 

“Not about you, about Daredevil.” she had to clarify. “He knows we’ve been working together,” Eliza said. “He’s known ever since our second night together. The press caught wind of it. He said he was the only one between the news and Secretary Ross. If he found out-”

“You’d go to jail,” Matt stated. She nodded weakly.  “Fuck! How did they- what is Stark gonna do now? He has to have a plan, right? He won’t just tell everyone. That’s not like him. Tell me that’s not like him.” 

She couldn’t do that. She wasn’t sure if it was like him. In the past? Definitely not. After what she experienced in the past couple of days? Who knew? 

“He said if I walked out that door, he wouldn’t protect me anymore.”

“God…Tell me you didn’t just walk out. At least not without negotiating a deal first.”

“I walked out.”

“Damn it, Eliza!” 

“I don’t care!” her voice cracked. “I don’t care, okay? Ross can arrest me, I don’t fucking care! I realize that now. I don’t care, even if it lands me in jail. The Accords are stupid rules. Why should I have to live by them anymore?” she said. “The Avengers are toast anyway. It’s not like I’m hurting anyone who doesn’t deserve it. I’m not making entire cities float. I’m simply fighting a fight no one else wants to. If that means breaking the rules, so be it.”

He began to pace the room. “This can’t be happening…” One of his hands got tangled in the mess of brown locks on his head. 

“It’s not about him. It’s not about me. This is about doing the right thing. You taught me that!” 

Matt turned around. “Do you even realize how much danger you are in?!” It was the first time he yelled at her and he regretted it the second the sound had finished bouncing his way across the apartment, and it slapped her right across the face. 

Eliza swallowed hard. “I-” she blew air through her nose. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” he cooed softly. He took a few steps closer. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“No, don’t touch me!” She shied away. Her armor faltered. The leather of the couch welcomed her with open arms. Teardrops pearled off the fabric, leaving even darker spots where the liquid slipped from her skin. 

He wanted to punch himself. “I’m so sorry.” He slowly fell to one knee next to the armrest. “I didn’t mean it. I’m not angry at you,” he assured her, but his words meant nothing. She was scared. 

Once again, she backed away until her thigh hit her duffel bag and she had to stop in the middle of the couch so as not to throw her belongings on the ground. Her hand remained in the air, a silent warning. He didn’t move, he remained on the floor, even though his knees hurt from the wood and he could feel his stitches barely holding on for dear life. He didn’t care though. This was his fault. 

She lowered her head. “I didn’t sign up for this,” she whispered. “I didn’t sign up for any of this.”

“I know you didn’t. The reason I yelled-“ he sighed, “The reason I yelled was not that I’m angry at you. It’s not your fault. I just don’t want you to get arrested. They’d put you into special containment. They would lock you up for good,” he explained. “From what I’ve heard, enhanced individuals are considered flight risks to the government, so if you were to get arrested, they could easily use that to their advantage. I can’t let that happen.”

Eliza nodded quietly. 

“I was wrong to raise my voice. I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she whispered.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” 

“Okay, I’m sorry. I- I just don’t want you to get arrested because of me,” he said. 

“But it wouldn’t be because of you.”

“No, it would be. You know why?”

“No ‘cause I’m not a lawyer,” she told him.

He hung his head, chuckling. “In the eyes of the law, Daredevil is a criminal. I read the Accords after we met. I wanted to know how far you’re allowed to go. You know they don’t just apply to you as a group?” 

She shrugged. Her fingers fiddled with the necklace around her neck. She had forgotten it was still there. A nervous tick he had picked up on when he first met her at the police station, out of his costume. 

“You know.” He nodded slowly. “I figured. You read them.”

“The first few pages,” she said. 

“Not all of it?”

“No, it bored me.”

He shook his head.

“What I read though, I remember. I remember every word.”

“Alright. Well, the Accords state that you’re not allowed to work on missions without the government’s consent,” he said. “You cannot take any cases that haven’t been checked out by either the Secretary or his committee, and when they say you have to pull out, you have to comply. You’re a dog on a leash. Or, the Avengers are. Since you signed them, you are legally obligated to follow the Accords. If you break them, you’re automatically breaking the law. You’ll become a felon, there will be court proceedings, and then, depending on the extent of the crime, you could go to jail.”

“You did your research, huh?”

“It’s not just a rule book,” he insisted. “The Accords are the law now.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Eliza snapped at him. 

“I know you do.”

“Then why are you trying to make me feel bad?”

“I’m not! I’m trying to tell you that the rules that apply to the Avengers as a group apply to you as well. You each have to follow the rules, even outside of working together. And you know why? Because you’re not the ordinary human population. The government doesn’t want you guys allowed to roam freely.”

“If I do anyway, I’ll go to jail. Yes, I’m aware. Hey,” she asked, “where are you going with this?”

“This whole thing is a ticking time bomb waiting to explode! These people can prove you’re working with me, that we were with Pfeiffer that night… They have the means to destroy you. Because of me, you’re in danger. That is where I’m going with this.”

“Oh, not this again.”

“You know, perhaps it’s better if we part ways. Spend some time apart until all of this has calmed down.”

“I made my choice!” Eliza cried. “This decision is entirely on me. My life, my rules. I take responsibility for what I did, and for what I’m about to do. This has nothing to do with you. You want to save this city? So do I.”

His breath came in hot, labored puffs of air. 

“It’s not just some personal agenda that drives me, I actually care about the people! Don’t make this about you, Matt, not right now.”

“I’m not making this about me!” he argued. “I’m just trying to take care of you. I can’t do that if you’re in the crosshairs.”

“I’ve been in the crosshairs from the beginning. I grew up with several targets on my back. Even the law has known me for as long as I can remember.”

“What if I can’t protect you anymore, what then?”

“Then I’ll die!”

“I don’t want you to die!” He was yelling without even raising his voice, something she had done the night of the party after she found out who he truly was. They weren’t so much different after all. 

Eliza wiped her cheeks. There weren’t any tears. She wasn’t crying, she doubted she had any tears left to shed, but she wanted to. The feeling burned in the back of her throat. 

“We’ve still got time,” she said. 

“Time? We’re running against time, Eliza! I may not be able to read the clock, but I know when a timer is running out.”

“I just have to be careful! We’re in this together now, Matt. We were the second you jumped into that Butcher shop to save my ass. Your desperate need to push me away just to protect me can’t control you. I’m not going anywhere. You gotta deal with that or else we’re gonna have a problem.”

“No, you’re gonna have a problem because you’re the one whose life is in danger and whose freedom is being jeopardized just by being with me. This- this isn’t a joke. This is your life you’re gambling with, you realize that, right?”

“I’m trying to tell you that I don’t want you to leave me!” she cried out. “Don’t you get that? I don’t want you to go.”

Matt’s eyes softened. “What?” he said. 

Her bottom lip tangled with her teeth in a desperate attempt to stop it from quivering. Like her entire body though, she kept shaking. It was deadly quiet when she spoke again, and her voice paid the price, “You’re all I have left.” 

He rose from the floor, situating himself on the couch next to her. She curled in on herself, too scared to even look at him. He reached his hand out. “Eliza-”

“You promised you’d be there for me,” she said. “That’s what I need you to do. To be there.”

“I’m not leaving,” he breathed. 

“Are you sure because you seemed pretty convinced just now?”

“No.” He reached for her. This time, she let him. He tugged at her arm, gently at first, though when she didn’t get the hint, he hooked his arm around hers and pulled her towards him. She fell into his open arms only hesitantly. “I just don’t want to watch you die, okay?” he admitted. “And I don’t want them to take you away.”

“Maybe you can take me away,” she muttered. Her hand began to claw at his chest, her lifeline. 

He chuckled breathlessly. “And where would I take you?”

“When this is all over, I mean. I heard Hawaii could be nice.”

“I’ve never been north of 116th street.”

“The more reason for us to change our identities and travel to Hawaii.”

“Sweetheart,” he said, “When this is all over, I will take you anywhere you want.”

They sat like this until the earth finished turning and the sun disappeared. Soft moonlight mixed with the ads crossing the billboard screen. His heart beat steady. She used the sound to come back to her body.

“The world feels so surreal,” she spoke into the comfortable silence. “Like I’m detached from its axis and I’m just spinning there like a broken record, lost alone in the vastness of space.”

She inhaled his cologne. Hints of sweat and rain, and sandalwood on his skin. He was so warm, a human blanket draped over her, almost like a shield from all the evil in this world. His grip tightened around her shoulders; she allowed herself to fall further into the embrace. She allowed herself to drown in his touch. 

“It’s like I’m bacteria floating around in an organism, but that bacteria doesn’t have a name yet. I’m just… there. No one knows who I am or what purpose I serve, but what’s for sure is that I’m meant to cause damage.”

“You’re not bacteria,” Matt told her.

“But what if I am? What if I’m the virus? This story seems to depend on my talent to destroy things. Everything’s just gotten worse because of me. Because I got involved.“

“They would’ve found another way to cause damage.”

“If I hadn’t gotten involved, this could’ve been solved without having people die for it,” she said and pushed away from him. His arm caged her, she needed to get out. Matt continued to keep his hands on her. He let her bring space between them, but as she tried to flee, he pulled her back gently so she was facing him. 

He didn’t need sight to see that she was burning red. The temperature of her skin mixed with the jitters told him enough to conclude.

“Hey,” he said, “you’re the one who broke this case wide open.”

“I don’t- what if that’s not true?” Eliza sniffled. “What if, in some twisted way, I’m the reason Hydra is doing this? You heard Pfeiffer, they’re trying to make more super soldiers, stronger than ever before,” she said. “They learned from Project Chaos, they saw what Strucker managed to achieve with the Maximoff twins. What if – just, what if – they’re doing this because we survived, and now they’re trying to combine the elements to make something far, far worse than what Wanda and I turned out to be.” 

“Yeah, but what if scenarios are just speculation? It’s not real, at least not until it’s proven. What we need to focus on are facts. Plain and simple. Facts are what make cases. That’s our start-of point. Asking yourself what if will only hurt you more. Believe me, I know.”

“What am I supposed to do then?” 

“Trust me,” he begged. “That’s all I ask of you.”

Eliza tasted the words on her tongue. She wiped the tears away, though the sticky feeling of dried salt on her cheeks remained heavy. She leaned down slowly, her forehead pressed against Matt’s chest. His hand went around her neck, holding her there. The other rubbed comfortingly up and down her back.

“What does that even mean?” the sound was muffled through the fabric. “I mean, what are we?“ she asked. 

Matt ran his thumb along her pulse point. “I’m just as confused as you are,” he admitted. He felt her pulse jump directly behind the skin. 

She hummed. “I wish we would’ve met before. You know, before everyone convinced us that life is war.” 

He pulled her closer. His chuckle blew through the tiny hairs standing off her scalp. “No one has proved us different,” he said. “Life is war, we were just taught to always fight on the front lines, no matter what happens. We were taught that being soldiers is the default for people like us. And now… now we can’t live without it.”

“We were just kids.”

“We didn’t know any better.”

“Yeah… we still don’t.”

“No,” he smiled, “we don’t.”

Somewhere in the distance, church bells rang out. Reality crept through the cracks in the floorboards and polluted them with its negative energy.

Eliza sat up again. This time, she reached for her duffel bag. “We gotta follow down that lead,” she stated, and so the mask went back on. 

The softness of Matt’s features was etched in seriousness. He began to peel the tie off around his throat. It was a fascinating transition. The caring man she knew as Matt Murdock turned within a matter of a few seconds and there he sat Daredevil. He didn’t have to put on the suit, his attitude spoke for itself. There was just something about him, something that enthralled her, even as he turned into a cold piece of stone. She knew there was a broken, gooey nucleus inside – the man he presented on the outside was just an act. He kept the real Matt Murdock under locks, tucked neatly away where no one could find him. 

Eliza should’ve felt honored to have him be so vulnerable around her. Yet, she believed there was still plenty to learn about him and this complicated piece of a soul he harbored inside.

“What do you have there?” he asked.

“My suit.” She opened the zipper. “Not the one Tony gave me. It’s my old SHIELD uniform. I asked to keep it before I joined the Avengers. Also,” - the cell phone fell into her hands -“I got a new phone. Tony used mine to track me.”

“So you just keep an arsenal of phones around you?”

“Yeah, why? You don’t?”

“I don’t think that’s something normal people do.”

“I’m not normal,” she stated plainly. “In this line of work, you better come prepared. I have a lot more where this comes from. I could fake my death and no one would know if I wanted to.” Eliza got up. She asked, “Where’s your bathroom?”

Matt pointed in the direction he memorized.

“Thanks.”

Her footsteps disappeared. The door fell shut. She turned the lock twice, making sure it was secure, only then did he hear the shuffling of clothes on the floor. He chose not to invade her privacy. Instead, he made his way into the bedroom. He took the suit draped over the sofa and changed into it with precision. The door stayed open, just in case Eliza came around. He didn’t care if she saw him undressed – hell, he was as open as one could be. Some part of him wanted her to, some perverted part he didn’t want to listen to. Not that he expected an attempt on her life in his apartment, considering no one knew she was there, but he could never be too careful. 

His stitches pulled hard. The leather didn’t do much to protect his wounds. He groaned, some sounded louder than he planned to. He was in so much pain, every inch of his body sore, and all he craved was a good night’s sleep. But he couldn’t think about that. There was no time to rest, he told himself. Not until the worst was over.

“You okay?” Eliza stood in the doorway.

Matt struggled with the belt. “Yeah, fine,” he said curtly. His shoulder burned - the one part that wasn’t injured was giving him the most trouble. 

“Need any help with that?”

He sighed in relief, nodding. She helped him get the rest of his body tucked into the suit. The leather sat securely around his waist and everywhere else where it needed to; he couldn’t have done it better.

She peaked up at him and he tried his best to reciprocate the action. Judging by her smile, he missed her eyes by miles once again. He chuckled. “Guess I’m getting old,” he said. 

“How so?” she questioned. 

“My back is killing me.”

“You are, indeed, an old man,” she swatted some dust off his shoulders, “but that’s okay.” 

He pinched her side. “Careful. This old man can still kick your ass.”

“Oh. Do I need to have the nursery home on the line?” She spread her thumb and middle finger to the sides, mimicking a phone. “Shall I tell them to book you a single or double room, grandpa?”

The baton flew in her direction. Right before it could hit her in the face, her hand shot up to catch the piece of metal. She switched between him and his weapon, not sure whether to be impressed or annoyed. 

“Fuck off!” he said. 

She smirked. “I’m getting you back for that.”

Though once the baton was back in the air, his arm was already extended to catch it mid-air, his height offering an opportunity he didn’t miss.

Eliza remembered their first meeting. The way he flipped the sticks of metal expertly, almost like what he was doing right there, in front of her, smug and knowing damn well what he was doing. “Show off,” she said. 

Like on the first day, he forced one of the batons into her hand. “Try not to kill anyone,” he retorted.

 She saw an opportunity too and she surely didn’t want to miss it. “No promises.” 

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

Resting head in partner's lap for Peter and Arthur?

The bartender and his best customer, a match made in heaven~

Obviously for my human Arthur au, since it's the only one I have with these two, haha.

On with the fic!

--

The movie they were watching was quite terrible, Arthur wasn't going to lie, but he was going to keep his mouth shut. It's not that it was the worst he'd ever seen, but he just wasn't a big fan of horror movies like Peter was. However, it was his boyfriend's turn to pick the movie, and he decided on some nonsense from the eighties.

Said boyfriend was sprawled on the long couch in his penthouse, one leg resting on the back, the other on the cushions, a strong drink was resting on his chest with a lid and a bendy straw so he could drink without making a mess.

His head was resting on Arthur's lap, and he had been using it as a pillow since the moment he laid down. He was making comments about the film, either complaints about the special effects, or some odd trivia he knew.

"This is," Arthur frowned, drumming his fingers on the arm of the couch, "a bit more... bloody than you said it would be."

"Oh yeah, I mean, it's infamous for this scene in particular. Look at that blood spray! Had to build a whole room specifcally just for this one effect!"

"I see..." Arthur was very much not a fan of the contents on the large screen before them, but Peter put up with them watching Arthur's choice last week, and that's only because one of the characters seemed to look like Arthur to him. He was now asking the bartender to grow a beard because he could clearly pull it off..

Yes, no, that was not happening any time soon.

"Sorry." Peter sighed and looked up at Arthur. "I know it's not your type of movie."

"It's your type, dear." Arthur commented, using his free hand to brush a few stray bangs from that pretty face. "Granted, I am not a fan of blood and gore, and terribly dressed villains, I rather like when we spend time like this."

"You do?"

"Yes, it's just the two of us, alone, having a nice time together. And besides, you deal with my movie choices."

"Well... I mean, they're not all bad. You just like more serious stuff, or period dramas."

"I liked the last movie you picked."

"Well, yeah, Silence of the Lambs is a classic, 'course you'd like a thriller over a slasher."

Arthur nodded, he'd rather watch something that made him think than feel like he was going to lose his dinner. "You liked when I picked out that King one."

"The Shining? Cause that's also a classic! And your bar kinda looks like the one in that movie, all old school and quiet, sophisticated, and here comes the deranged famous guy who sits down for a drink while you, the handsome bartender in red, gets him that drink."

The bartender laughed and started to run his fingers through Peter's hair, gently dragging his nails, and getting a very pleased noise in response. "You think you're deranged?"

"Well, I probably looked the part the first few times I came in covered in blood and ash." Peter smiled and relaxed under the touches. "Alright, I'll leave slasher movies off the list of my movie selections next time. How are you on monster films?"

Arthur sighed. "Depends, I rather like the classics over some of the more... sexual content."

"Is that a dig at my show."

"Maybe."

"Ouch, okay, fair." Peter laughed. "Alright, I'll pick out classics, for you." He was quiet for a moment before he smirked. "I'm including the Hammer Horrors in that."

"I don't believe I know what those are." The smirk only grew and Arthur feared he might have to do a bit of research later.

--

In case you're wondering, they're watching Nightmare on Elm Street (which really did have to build a whole room for the infamous blood fountain scene). Arthur's choice was Far From the Madding Crowd. Peter will deny that he cried watching it, he will also deny that he yelled at the TV in William's defense.

I will deny that I did the same thing.

[why-is-james-on-here]

I just finished a shitty Christian fantasy novel. Rant time!

I wish I could start this review with some snarky comment making fun of how awful this book is. I wish I could talk about how it murders the English language on every page or how it made me feel mental anguish on par with physical pain. I can’t though. If Leviathan was the worst book ever, that would be something. Instead this book is… empty. It’s a tale based in Christian mythology, all about the life of Noah when he was a young man, long before God told him to build the Ark so he could escape the Great Flood. It takes place in a world filled with angels, giants, dragons (actually dinosaurs in this world), and at the center of it is a man chosen by God to do great things. Does that sound cool? Well, yeah, I thought so too. There are 2 issues (at least 2 big issues, there’s plenty of small ones) that prevent this book from being… anything. 1: The author believes that all of this is literally true. He genuinely believes that the Earth is only a few thousand years old and dinosaurs lived with humans in Biblical times. That’s hardcore stupid on its own, then you realize it means that R.M. Huffman believes this book is all true. Maybe parts of it are fictional in his mind, but which parts? It’s impossible to say. Imagine if J.R.R. Tolkien wrote The Lord of the Rings under the impression it was real. He wouldn’t be writing it to make interesting characters or a cool world to explore or a story with heart, he’d be writing it with religious reverence. He’d be copying something someone else already made without any new ideas or themes added and expecting everyone else to admire it as much as he does. And if anyone doesn’t admire it, it’s because they hate God and Christians. No need for self-reflection or taking criticism, because this isn’t actually a fantasy novel (in his mind). The issue here is not that the author has different beliefs than me, or even that he’s clumsily pushing them in his book. The issue is that there is nothing here beyond his beliefs, which brings me to the next point. 2: There are maybe 6 events that transpire over the course of more than 400 pages. This isn’t an adventure, or even a series of adventures, it’s just Noah. Noah hanging around at home and basking in everyone talking about how great he is and how he’s destined for great things. Noah going to get help for his town without running into trouble. Noah coming up with brilliant plans to defeat villains such as “If we want to kill the Leviathan we have to break it’s skull open with an ax!” Great plan, mate, no one else could have come up with that. That might be fine if Noah had any personality or interesting things to say/do, he doesn’t though. He’s just the hero because the author made him the hero, and the author made him the hero because the Bible did. There’s a final battle near the end which, to be fair, isn’t half bad. It would be better if the protagonist actually did things instead of just knowing how to win without effort, but y’know, I’ve read worse. The only real entertainment value it has is to remember that the author believes this is all literally true. He’s an insane dipshit who believes humans and dinosaurs lived together, this isn’t a fantasy world for him, its existence is a religious fact, never to be questioned. And if anyone does question it, they must be attacked/silenced. So I can’t even act like this book is the worst thing ever. I want to channel my inner Roger Ebert to roast it until it’s reduced to ashes so I can scatter them on the wind. I can’t though. And even if I could, this book isn’t worth it. There is nothing here, not even anything to mock. I know Christian conservatives would say that dog shit tasted like candy if the dog claimed to love Jesus first, so I expect at least some hate for this negative review. I don’t care though. This book isn’t bad because it’s Christian, it’s bad because it’s bad.

[digitalgate02]

A New Menace?!

A XW fanfiction made pure of comedy and the chat's shenanigans about Tagiru being a Purple Tamer in Digica.

[AO3 version here]

• • •

Taiki and Yuu received a message telling them to meet at the sports square where they usually play basketball with their team, but one thing is… They didn’t know where Tagiru was.

Taiki was already wondering if he got kidnapped or something else… But Yuu just growled like better this idiot not be doing something stupid--

Ah.

Somehow, the other five heroes from other worlds were… There. They didn’t know what was happening, but all they could remember was the old man with a Clockmon telling them they were needed again, and urgently.

Okay, but why call Taiki, Yuu and the five Legends there? Something felt suspicious…

“You heroes, bow down to the new overlord!”

That voice was very familiar. And Yuu started gritting his teeth. Mostly by annoyance. Taiki and the other five heroes stared at a figure with a cape. But even before the new menace could keep his cool villainous speech, Yuu walked in his direction and…

“Wait, what are you--”

“ENOUGH!” And Yuu yanked the cape covering Tagiru “What the heck are YOU doing!?”

“I… I want to quit the hero’s side! I’m evil now!”

“Huh??” They all exclaimed in different ways, but Yuu was the most irritated of them all.

“You heard me! I… I want to be a bad guy now!”

“Kiddo…” Daisuke squinted his eyes “Why do you want to--”

“OK!” Taiki interrupted him, and looked at Tagiru, “What are your plans?”

“Taiki-san what are you doing!?” Yuu growled.

“M-My plans?!” Tagiru babbled.

“A bad guy has plans, dude,” Taichi shrugged.

“Are you--” Yuu babbled, but he got also interrupted by another hero:

“You can’t just claim to be evil and not have any evil plans,” Takuya nodded.

“Of course I have an evil plan!” Tagiru said quickly, “I will become a superstar and--”

“Ok” Taiki said to the others, “He’s fine, you all can go home.”

“W-WAIT!! I’M STILL HERE!!”

“Tagiru and Daisuke are alike huh” V-mon commented, “Both wanted to be bad guys but were really bad at it.”

“H-HEY!” Daisuke gulped “I… I WASN’T WANTING TO BE EVIL FOREVER!!”

“True, he tried and couldn’t be evil at all,” Taichi replied.

“That’s right!” Takato exclaimed, “He was trying to be a new Digimon Kaiser!”

“Isn’t Digimon Kaiser from that--” Guilmon started to talk, but Takato gently covered his muzzle.

“Yeah, that one!” Taichi’s Agumon answered but was not very aware of what Guilmon's question was.

“I…” Daisuke gulped.

“He wanted to be evil for attention and for the girls!” V-mon said, innocently.

“I-- I WASN’T CALLING FOR ATTENTION!!”

“Then, what did you want?” Masaru asked, raising an eyebrow.

“... Free chocolate?”

Everyone looked at Daisuke in silence.

“Really? His motive to go evil was for free chocolate?” Tagiru and Takuya said together, in a very annoyed tone of voice.

“Look I didn’t want to be evil for real! I wanted to be cool and get chocolate!!”

“He’s bad at it,” Masaru’s Agumon and Gumdramon shrugged.

“O-OI!!”

“But ain’t we heroes here?” Takuya crossed his arms, annoyed “ WHY would either of us go evil!?”

“He’s right,” Masaru replied with a nod, “We’re real men here, we fight to protect people and not to harm them.”

“I’M STILL HERE!!” Tagiru hissed, stomping his foot on the floor.

“Um, shouldn’t we do something about Tagiru-san?” Takato asked gently.

“Nah, he won’t cause a fuss. He cannot hurt a fly!” Taichi said, with a smile.

“He won’t be an issue, don’t worry Takato.” Taiki agreed.

“Tagiru and Daisuke are really alike huh?” V-mon commented again.

“Can you please stop embarrassing me…?” Daisuke pleaded. 

“WHY NO ONE IS TAKING ME SERIOUSLY!?” Tagiru cried.

“Hey dude, you need to put more effort on that!” Takuya said to him.

“More effort on what?”

“Your performance!” Takuya said with a serious tone, “Evil guys don’t come in and say they’re evil! They attack! They explode things! They kidnap victims! They overthrow the government!”

“Wait, wasn’t you who were saying we’re good people and shouldn’t become evil?” Now it was Masaru who got tired of that discussion.

“Oh…?” Tagiru blinked, “Y-Yeah! Gumdramon, let's break some things!”

“RIGHT!”

“HOLD ON HERE!” Yuu grabbed Tagiru by the cape and Gumdramon by their tail “You won’t wreck ANYTHING on my watch!”

“R-right!!”

“That’s no good,” Damemon shook his finger.

“But I want to be evil!!”

“You can’t be evil until you hear orders from the others though” Takuya shrugged.

“Yeah!”

Suddenly, a beep was heard and Tagiru took his phone from his pocket.

“Just a sec,” he said. Then he answered the call “Hello? Oh hi mom… I’m with Taiki-san and Yuu, don’t worry! No, I won’t be late for dinner today. Okay, right. See you later, mom!” and he hung up.

“What kind of evil guy listens to his mom’s orders?” Daisuke chuckled.

“LIKE YOU WERE A GREAT VILLAIN, HUH!?” Tagiru stared at him, “Wanting free chocolate from girls, huh!”

“HEY YOU--”

“Let’s not start a fight here!” Takato intervened.

“Fine…” Daisuke pouted.

“Then, what is your evil plan?” Taiki asked Tagiru again.

“Um… Being a superstar overlord who’s beloved by everyone?”

“I DID GIVE YOU ALL THOSE ADVICE AND YET!!” Takuya roared.

“He ignored you,” Taichi commented, with a deadpan face.

“You’re not helping Taichi!!”

“I’m totally not, I’ve witnessed two of my friends trying to be mean people and they were pretty soft and bad at it.”

“Oh, you mean…” Daisuke said.

“Yeah, Mimi-chan and Yamato.”

“Ah, them.”

“Yup, them.”

“I KNOW HOW TO MAKE TAGIRU BECOME A MENACE!” V-mon shouted with determination.

“DO YOU KNOW!?” Tagiru grinned.

“YEAH!” V-mon nodded, and continued “The Digimon Kaiser used to kick Wormmon! You have to kick Gumdramon to look evil!!”

“Uh… Kicking Gumdramon is… Not a good idea” Tagiru frowned, he was not sure about that.

“C’mon, you want to be evil but can’t kick your minion!?” Takuya boo’ed him.

“I… OK, I’M KICKING HIM!”

Tagiru prepared his foot and kicked Gumdramon with all of his strength. The digimon growled in pain and then stared at Tagiru.

“WHY DID YOU DO THAT, YOU IDIOT!?” Gumdramon bonked Tagiru’s head with his hammer tail.

“OUCH, I WAS TRYING TO BE EVIL!”

“YOU!!”

And then they started fighting each other. Yuu was carried by Damemon to a safer spot in the square.

“You did it on purpose” Masaru looked at Takuya with a glare.

“Huh?”

“He definitely did it on purpose,” Takato answered.

“Uh guys?”

“You told him to kick Gumdramon for that, right Takki?” Daisuke squinted his eyes.

“Hey! Hold on, it was your digimon’s idea first!”

“It’s okay everyone, crisis averted” Taichi said with a grin, “ if they’re fighting they won’t do harm anymore.”

“Won’t it be dangerous for them?” Taichi’s Agumon asked with a frown.

“Don’t worry,” Shoutmon said, “Yuu, Damemon, Taiki and I will prevent them from getting hurt for real.”

“Alright, then let’s go back to our worlds,” Masaru said.

“Can we please not mention the Digimon Kaiser thing again?” Daisuke asked them.

“Sure sure, but don’t become evil for foolish things!” Takuya chuckled.

“Seriously, if we have anyone to care about turning evil here is Takuya” Taichi muttered to Taiki.

They said farewell and returned to their worlds by their own request to the old man with a Clockmon.

“Uh sir?” Taiki asked the old man, now that Tagiru and Gumdramon stopped fighting and were not turning evil anymore (“Because it sucks!” said Tagiru himself) “Why did you call the other five heroes here?”

“To teach Tagiru a lesson” he answered calmly, “They have a lot to teach you three.”

“Just to… teach him a lesson…”

“And because he annoyed me so badly, I got tired and dumped him on them.”

“Y-you… didn’t change huh?” Shoutmon laughed nervously.

“I’m glad everything ended well…” Taiki smiled.

“Next time I will throw him into space.”

“... Y-you don’t need to do that,” Taiki and Shoutmon sighed.

The End (?)