#bestie every single thing you said is true

[greg-montgomery]

Please just the team telling r about HOW MUCH OF A SOFT SPOT AARON HAS FOR THEM like god he’s literally such a grouch to Morgan and prentiss but he kisses the ground you walk on and they’re like BESTIE GET A GRIP HES WRAPPED AROJND YOUR FINGER bc reader is convinced he doesn’t share their feelings and he’s just being polite </3

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

“Guys, please stop. You’re giving me false hope,” you sighed, dropping your hands on your lap. “I know you’re only trying to make me feel better, but honestly this is making me feel worse.”

“False hope? Sweetheart, the man is in love with you,” Derek said.

“No, he’s not.” You pouted.

You regretted ever telling your friends about your crush on Hotch. What you expected was them making fun of you for it. What you got were daily lectures on how your boss had the hots for you.

“He makes you coffee every single morning,” Emily pointed out.

“He’s just being polite!” you argued.

“We arrive here at the same time every day and he has never made one for me.”

“I’m sure there’s an explanation for this,” you said. “Maybe he thinks you won’t like it the way he makes it. But he knows I do, so that’s why he only does it for me.”

“Okay…” Derek spoke again. His eyebrow was raised, showing he had a very good point to add. “What about when you got hurt last week? It was only a scratch on your cheek but Hotch was ready to drive you to a hospital.”

“Now you’re exaggerating!”

“I saw him cupping your cheeks, it’s true!” Emily exclaimed.

“I also saw that,” Spencer, who had just been observing the conversation, added.

“You too, Spence?”

“Sorry.” He lifted his hands up in defense. “I’m only pointing out what I saw.”

You crossed your arms against your chest. There was no way you’d let them get to you. If you let your heart believe that Aaron had feelings for you then it would break even harder. “He’s like this with all of us.”

Emily moved close to you and took your hand in hers. “No, he’s not,” she said with a smile. “How can you not see it? He looks at you like you’re his sun and stars.”

“We could have an experiment,” Spencer suggested.

“What kind of experiment?”

“Emily got yelled at yesterday for making a mistake during paperwork,” he explained. “I can see you’re preparing a similar report today so you could make on purpose the same mistake as her. Let’s see if he reacts the same way when he sees it. If he yells at you too then that means he treats you the same way he treats all of us. If he doesn’t…then you’re his soft spot.”

“Fine,” you agreed. “Only so you can all finally stop torturing me with this.”

A few hours later, your report was on Hotch’s desk.

“Y/N?”

You heard your name in that warm voice of his and lifted your head to look at him. He was standing at his office door with a smile, certainly not looking like a man about to start yelling.

“Can you please come to my office for a moment?”

“Of course.”

Walking up the stairs to his office, you could feel the stares of your colleagues. Time to prove them wrong, you thought. Even though, you were secretly praying for the opposite.

“What do you need me for?” you acted naive.

“I was just looking at your report,” he said, sitting down on his chair. “And-”

“Oh no, did I make a mistake?”

“No, it’s nothing important!” he rushed to reassure you. “It’s just some little thing. I only wanted to show you so you know the correct way to do it from now on.”

There was a sweet smile on his face. His voice was soft and not at all angry.

“Come on, let me show you.”

It didn’t feel scary to go close to him. So you did.

It was a bit hard to pay attention to him explaining your mistake, since you were staring at his fingers brushing the paper in front of you. It didn’t matter anyway, your mistake wasn’t an accident at all.

“Okay?” he asked when he was done.

“Okay. I’m really sorry, Hotch,” you said, giving him your best puppy eyes. If you were gonna do this experiment, you were gonna do it right. “I’ll be more careful from now on.”

“Why don’t you come to my office next time you prepare a report like this one? We can do it together, hm?”

“But you’re so busy, I don’t wanna slow you down,” you argued, your heart beating faster and faster as you realized that Aaron wasn’t angry at all with you.

“Nonsense. We’re doing it together next time.”

“Okay,” you said. “Thank you, Hotch.”

Just before you arrived at the door, you heard him calling your name. “Oh and Y/N?”

“Yeah?” you responded, looking back at him.

“The team is right.”

“Right on what?”

He smirked and dropped his gaze back to his papers. “You know what.”

You turned around to exit his office with a huge grin on your face. Sometimes it feels better when you lose.

[whispering-ways]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡ i like you (too much) - part 2 ♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

♡ summary: you just joined a new high school and you're hoping to make a bunch of new friends. unfortunately, you're paired up with Katsuki and he seems to despise you. nevertheless, you're determined to make it work. little do you know that you're first interaction would lead to a wonderful friendship and possibly even more.

♡ pairing: bakugo katsuki x reader

♡ tags: no warnings, just fluff :) but the next couple of parts may or may not have some smut ;)

♡ notes: hi besties! here's part 2 to the first chapter. i should have more time to work on this story and a bunch of other fics since I've officially graduated! i hope you guys like this chapter and let me know if yall want more :) the pink text is the readers texts and the orange is Katsuki.

You heard the alarm on your phone ring, waking you up for the morning. Groggily, you reached over to your nightstand to turn it off. You rub your eyes, tired from having to wake up so early the last couple of days. The bus at your new high school came around 6:45, which meant that you had to wake up at at least 5:35 am to get ready. A part of you liked getting up so early; it made you feel on top of things, a true it girl. But the rest of you ached to just swaddle yourself in your plush blankets and sink right back into bed. You dragged yourself out of bed and headed to the bathroom to freshen yourself up a bit. 

After you splash your face with some water you stare into the mirror, taking notice of your dark circles. “Damn I might need to start using an eye cream or something soon, waking up so early is not doing justice to my skin,” you said out loud. As soon as you said it though, you knew that was a lie. You knew in your heart that the only reason why you were so tired every morning is because you spent every night texting Katsuki. 

By now you figured that he was definitely a night owl but unfortunately, you weren’t. You had always been the type of girl to sleep early, prioritizing your 8 hours of sleep. But if there was one person who could make you disregard your routine, it’d be Katsuki. Over the last couple of days, you both had gotten closer. You’d been talking at school and texting each other seemingly non-stop and you’d say a decent friendship had formed between you two. Something about his texts made your stomach fill with butterflies and you couldn’t help getting excited every time you saw a notification from him pop up on your phone. 

You spent nights staying awake texting Katsuki till 1, 2 3 in the morning. Even when your eyelids felt like they could no longer remain open, you’d do your best to stay awake to not miss a single text. Was it a bit much? Yes. Should you be putting a guy before your beauty sleep? Probably not. Did you still do it anyway? Absolutely. It’s not like you didn’t text him in the day, but after school, he barely texted you besides the occasional response after a couple of hours. He just seemed to come alive in the night. That’s when you’d get your near-instantaneous responses and true conversations. So if talking to him meant staying up at night, you were willing to do it. 

You’d done a good job so far of staying awake in class; after all, you didn’t want to miss out on notes. But after a couple of days, your exhaustion had just gotten to you.. You were tired, the lecture seemed to go on an on forever, the teacher’s monotonous voice, it was the typical recipe for drifting off. With your head in your hands, you felt your eyes start to blink slowly as they got heavier by the moment. Before you knew it, you felt your eyelids close. You didn’t know how long you were asleep. But your teacher’s voice immediately brought you back to reality.

“(Y/N), could you tell me what the answer is to Question 3?” the teacher said, her voice startling you awake. Your face burned with embarrassment as you flipped through your notes to find some way to solve the question. As you couldn’t find any way out of the situation, your shame grew and grew. All of a sudden you felt a sharp nudge to your arm coming from beside you. You turn to see Kastuki clearing his throat, and pushing his worksheet towards you. At first, you’re confused but then the pieces clicked in your head once you saw him pointing to the same question the teacher was asking you about.

“(Y/N)? Answer the question please, we don’t have all day.” your teacher said, her tone getting more frustrated. 

“Uhhhh...2?” you answer hesitantly, glancing quickly towards Katsuki’s paper to make sure you said the right number.

“Oh, yes, that’s correct. Next time, still pay attention to the lecture,” the teacher said, moving on with her presentation.

“Thank you so much, you saved my ass just there.” you whisper to Katsuki. “I would’ve gotten laughed at for sure if I got that wrong.”

“You don’t need to thank me, that’s what friends are for, stupid,” he replied with a smile. Your heart skipped a beat. You’d never really seen his smile, it was just downright adorable; surprising for someone who looked so intimidating. You were so wrapped up in the moment, you didn’t catch yourself staring. “What, something on my face or some shit?”

“Uhh...no, nothing at all, you’re all peaches and cream.” 

He chuckled in response and turned around, leaving you to your thoughts.

“Peaches and cream?? Who even says something like that anymore?? Stupid, stupid me and stupid, stupid thing to say and now he probably thinks I’m weird and strange and ー” your thoughts were cut off by the sound of the bell releasing everyone to go to lunch. You started packing up your laptop and your notes, glad that there were no more chances to get embarrassed by the teacher again, at least for the next hour. 

You feel yet another nudge, and you turn towards Katsuki. “Hey do you wanna share lunch with me? I don’t know if you’ve got a lunch packed already but like I accidentally packed two sandwiches and I’m on a cut and I only wanna eat one sandwich, and I don’t wanna waste any damn food. So like if you want you can have the other one or something,’ he says.

“Yes! I mean, yes that would be nice thank you so much, what kind of sandwich?” you reply trying to not sound too happy at the offer. 

“Well I don’t really know what it's fucking called, but there’s some grilled chicken, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and I think some spicy mayo in it. That sound good to you?”

Your mouth watered just thinking about it. “Yeah dude, that sounds great, thanks again! I’m just gonna go to the bathroom real quick, and then do you wanna meet up at the cafeteria?”

“Nah, I'll just wait for you. Plus I don’t want you getting lost or anything trying to find me.” Katsuki replied walking towards the bathroom. You thank him internally; you had no clue where the bathroom was anyways. After a couple moments, you both get to the bathroom. As you head inside, Katsuki leans on the wall of lockers nearby, plopping his backpack down on the floor. 

He double checks to see whether you’ve truly gone inside and puts his face in his hands. He was hoping you didn’t notice how red he was on the way to the bathroom. “I didn’t think it’d actually work, holy shit,” Katsuki thought to himself over and over again. If truth be told, Katsuki didn’t make any extra sandwiches.

That morning Katsuki got up early to make lunch for school, not because he was a morning person, but because of a small detail you mentioned last night. You both were having your usual nightly talk when the topic got to food. 

“Yeah I like to cook a lot honestly! I haven’t really made anything recently, but hopefully I can get more into it soon.” 

It surprised Katsuki honestly, he never took you as someone who’d like to cook. 

“Oh word, that’s cool, any reason why you like it tho?”

“Yeah, I mean like I guess its just my love language? I love to cook and just make people happy through food :) I usually cook for my family a lot.”

“That’s honestly pretty fucking kind of you. Who cooks for you?

“Ah, I mean its just me cooking at home, so no one really lol.”

“Damn, its gotta be tiring cooking all the time tho”

“Yeah sometimes, but yk like I said its my love language so I don’t mind. But thats why I just get food from the cafeteria, its just tiring most times to cook for everyone and do lunch lol”

Katsuki read your text and laid his head back on his pillow, arm across his face as he stared up at the ceiling. His stomach filled with excitement. Just like that, an idea brewed in his head. He wasn’t a good cook by any means whatsoever. Besides making a mean microwaveable ramen, he didn’t know how to make much but he was gonna do his best to make lunch for the both of you tomorrow morning. You fell asleep soon after that, but his idea kept running in his mind for the rest of the night. 

He spent the rest of the night scrolling through TikToks, trying to figure out some sort of recipe that was easy but something you’d like. And that’s when he had his eureka moment. There was grilled chicken in his fridge and he was sure there had to be some topping in there too; he could make grilled chicken sandwiches. All he could hope for at that point was whether it’d be good or not. 

The next morning he woke up determined to make you the best fucking sandwich you’d ever had. 30 minutes later and he accomplished his goal. As he drove to school, he hoped you’d like it when he realized he forgot a vital part of his plan. “How the fuck am I gonna tell her about lunch?” 

He wracked his brain for any more ideas. Katsuki didn’t want to come across too strong, but you just deserved something nice. Finally, he settled on telling you that he just had an extra sandwich. After all, honesty was the best policy and he technically did have an extra. He honestly thought you’d refuse or have some sort of lunch with you already. But when you said yes, he was absolutely elated. He tried his best to cover his enthusiasm, but now it was written all over Katsuki’s face.  The grin hadn’t left his face since you both started walking to the bathroom.

The soft tug to his jacket sleeve brought him out of his thoughts. “Hey, thanks for waiting! Do you wanna maybe go to the library instead to eat? The cafeteria is always so fucking noisy and I’ll barely be able to hear you talk,” you ask.

“She wants to hear me talk; she wants to hear me talk,” Katsuki thought gleefully. “Yeah sure, I don’t mind,” he replied, trying to play cool.

After walking to the library, you both find a quiet spot in the back. You and Katsuki sit down, side by side, before he pulled out two small plastic bags from his backpack. He passed you a sandwich and waited anxiously for your reaction.

You look at him quizzically. “Why the fuck is he just staring at me and not eating at all?” you thought before taking a bite. Your eyes widened and you looked up at Katsuki.

“What? What? Is it bad or something? You don’t gotta fucking eat it if its that bad,” he says.

“No, Katsuki, its perfect! It's really really good!” you reply, diving back in for another bite. You skipped breakfast and your stomach had been grumbling all throughout class and this was just the perfect fix.

“I’m glad you like it. I made it myself,” Katsuki said with pride, a smile stretched across his face yet again. How could he not smile when you looked so precious?

“Are you for real? That is so sweet of you! Kastuki, I’m for real touched you thought of little old me, you sat leaning over to wrap him in a hug.

Katsuki’s whole face turns red, hypersensitive to your touch. If he knew making you a sandwich would get you close to him, he would've made you lunch way sooner. 

You break away and continue eating your sandwich as Katsuki starts to eat his. You’re so engrossed in your meal that you don’t notice Katsuki staring at you, still red and stomach filled with butterflies.

When you got home, you immediately went to your room, thoughts of lunch on your mind that had nothing to do with being hungry and everything to do with a certain blonde. “He made me lunch. Like from scratch. Like who does that?? As if he’s already not cute enough, now I’ve got him cooking for me,” you thought. 

That’s when a thought quickly crossed your head. “Does he maybe like me?” It only took you a few moments with that idea to make you absolutely flushed. “There’s like no way, right? I’m me and he’s so cool, and plus I’m just being delulu because there’s literally no way. Exactly, there’s no way he likes me right?” you say to yourself. 

You tried your best to focus on your homework for the rest of the night, trying to get thoughts of Katsuki out of your head. But every so often thoughts of that darling smile or his piercing eyes or how he smelt like burnt caramel when you hugged him kept creeping into your mind. It didn’t help that he was texting you too. With every single thought and text, the feeling in your stomach just got stronger and stronger. It was a weird mix of butterflies, anxiety, and giddiness and God you loved it so much. You gave up on your homework and laid on your bed, starting to drift into your usual daydream. 

You closed your eyes, curling up into your blankets. You imagined Katsuki’s arm coming from behind you, wrapping around your stomach and pulling you close to his bare chest. His arm slide up your arm, rubbing soothing circles into your skin. Just as he kissed the top of your head, you heard a voice call out, bringing you back to reality abruptly. 

“(Y/N)! Come down for dinner honey!” your mom yelled. You let out a sigh; you were so close to the exciting part of the dream too. 

"Coming, Mama!" you cheerfully replied as you quickly slipped on some cozy slippers for comfort. As you finished getting ready, your thoughts wandered, wishing your daydreams were real life. With a sigh, you brushed off those feelings, "I'm just being silly. I know he'll never see me in that light."

Meanwhile, on the other side of your street, Katsuki was having some day dreams of his own. He still hadn’t been able to get you off his mind. It was like whole world around him gained color the second you walked into his mind. All he could think about after lunch was how it felt to have you so close to him. His thoughts were filled what how it felt to have your arms around him. You were so much warmer than he imagined. And thinking about how your chest slightly pressed into his bicep sent him into overdrive. 

With all his heart, he wished he could’ve hugged you back, even if it was just for a second. He engraved every detail of your embrace in his memory, filing them away in his memory. Katsuki hoped that one day he’d be able to sweep you into his arms and hold you close. But until then, thoughts and daydreams would have to do.

[autistichalsin]

So @dorky-malorky left a really good reply on this post I made earlier, and it was so good I had to reply- BUT my reply got way too long, so I'm making a new post. I'm going to quote their reply, and then add my own under.

So true, besties. As someone who was bullied pretty mercilessly all through grade school and right up until graduation, I see a lot of that same mask in Halsin. He puts up with so much and it's not because he's a sage wise old druid, it's because he has unresolved trauma!!! Man basically says Thaniel was his only friend growing up and that's why he became a druid. Imagine making a friend as a little kid and then finding out that no one else knows of him or can even see him. To all those people Thaniel may as well have been an imaginary playmate to a sad lonely boy. Then he grows up and loses pretty much everyone he cares about. He's cut off from Thaniel, he's cut off from his peers, and he puts so much of the blame on himself for that. Then he's thrust into a position of leadership where he, again, struggles to make connections. Sure some people at the grove are like 'sure wish Halsin was here' but then they all just go along with Khaga and the Rite of Thorns anyways instead of doing anything about it and they basically write him off as lost. In my view, Halsin has just been swallowing grief and disappointment his whole life and has been putting on the brave face because that's what people expect from him. Don't make waves, just keep on keeping on. Even with Tav and the tadpole crew he will keep swallowing that same shit beyond what a normal person would put up with because Halsin just wants to belong. He will take scraps if that's all he can get, and be thankful for it, when what he deserves is to be at the table with everyone else. And the heartbreaking thing is just how deeply he cares despite everything he's gone through. He could be bitter and angry like Astarion, but instead he suppresses and buries the hurt way down deep, and just keeps going, holding onto a hope that the future will be a better place. :(

And here is my response:

ALL OF THIS. There is a REASON so much of the fandom has independently come to the conclusion that Halsin is both autistic and a victim of bullying- realize it or not, the writers just put too many tell-tale behaviors in.

Your part about taking scraps just hits the nail on the head. He takes whatever the player gives, and he is still so damn nice- if he loses all of his approval towards the player (which is quite a feat since rescuing Thaniel and breaking the curse gets you 40-50 depending on choices made) he may be snippy in his greetings and in his point-n-click lines which are currently bugged, but he still never actually... really does anything about it.

And that he's able to still care after all of this- even setting aside headcanons, this is still a man who had few to no friends growing up, has been othered for his size and treated like his feelings don't matter, has lost everyone he loved, was made a sex slave for three years to one of the cruelest groups out there, with said slavery including seeing the bodies of other elves like him made into decorations, was forced to fight a huge battle and then faced a curse that killed so many friends of his that it would "take [him] a day and a night to recite the names of all the friends [he] lost" AND he had to kill the reanimated corpse of the previous Archdruid, a man he speaks admiringly of every time he mentions him, leaving him with survivor's guilt and pretty obvious PTSD, AND it took away his best/possibly only friend from childhood, he was forced into a leadership role he never wanted and in fact was actively miserable in, stressed to the point that he started thinking fondly of his past as a sex slave (with the implication being he romanticized it because he wanted not to have to be responsible for such hard decisions anymore) and with not a single soul to confide in who might tell him these thoughts weren't healthy, he spent years begging for help breaking the curse but even the Emerald Enclave was basically like "yeah you're on your own buddy", he fell into what was strongly implied to be alcoholism and had to swear it off entirely, his attempt to jump at the first chance he saw in 100 years to break the curse resulted in him being held captive again and tortured- by goblins, which got him mocked later- while his Grove was infiltrated, psyoped (seriously, too many people don't seem to know that Ketheric orchestrated the Shadow Druids infiltrating the Grove because he knew what a threat they/Halsin would be and wanted it neutralized) and turned against him by Kagha, requiring him to send in a new Archdruid while he left to try to solve the mindflayer crisis- and almost immediately discovering she was a better leader than he EVER was, which I'm sure left him with a feeling of not just inadequacy as he alluded to in his scenes, but also with a feeling he'd wasted all those 100 years trying to lead if he could have just handed it off to someone better all along, then after he finally breaks the curse that has been plaguing his homeland for 100 years he goes into the city, is promptly gut-punched with how much people, especially children, are suffering there, tries everything short of screaming to get people's attention that this is NOT OKAY and is promptly brushed off and dismissed at every turn, then finally goes to fight a Nether Brain to save the world, which he admits he had little faith he would survive- but he put on a brave face for the player (especially if romanced). And that's literally just the main canon path, not including things that can be done to him in darker branches, like his Grove being slaughtered and his attempt to avenge them all failing, or the Rite of Thorns succeeding and him losing his home forever, or him getting kidnapped by Orin, or, once that new update goes into place, him having casual sex with his friend/love interest (depending on the circumstances) and some prostitutes, opening up about his time as a sex slave, and then being promptly threatened to be sold back into slavery by the person he trusted. No, this stuff is literally just the main, good canon path.

I know people tend to say Halsin clearly worked through his traumas in a healthy way offscreen (this line gets used most with his time as a sex slave) but the lack of support system Halsin has, his inability to center his own needs, even to himself, for a single minute, his desperation to be validated for just a single moment, his idolization of the player if they break the curse even if they subsequently treat him badly, his emotions being so turbulent that he alludes to being unable to control his wildshape on two different occasions with both specifically being linked to turbulent emotions (one being intense arousal and excitement, the other being anger and fear when escaping the goblin camp at the player's side), all of which is incredibly unusual for any Druid let alone an Archdruid hailed as one of the most powerful around... none of this really?? points to that being true???

He doesn't act like he is a wise, zen old Druid, he acts like he's trying to be a wise, zen old Druid, and there is a huge difference.

[hajihiko]

I’m not any of the anons from before but as a fellow kazuichi fan I’d personally love to hear you talk about why you like him if you feel like it! personally I was first drawn to his character design, I just thought he looked cool, and then the second he opened his mouth and revealed himself as a loser, I loved him like ten times more lol. I know some people think he’s ‘creepy’ but I feel like he keeps enough a distance from Sonia that he’s just a guy with a crush, and also his “don’t you ever just wanna take girls apart and see how their bones work” line lives in my head rent free

Ok well. Sorry dude (genuinely) but I dont think I think of him the way a lotta ppl do. Heres my take sorry if it ruins it

First of all, do I LIKE his character? No. I like what could become of it if handled well, in the future (same with Akane and Sonia and... a lotta characters tbh).

I dont want to gloss over that he was really not cool with Sonia. I DON'T think it was like, a simple silly crush like any other dude would have, I think he WAS inappropriate about it and (most likely completely unbeknownst to him) enforcing things that she genuinely could not stand. He was insecure and took it out on others as well as himself.

These are all character flaws. Every single character has them (some more than others). Fuyuhiko was genuinely a dick (as I have said many times, having anger issues isnt an excuse for the way he talks sometimes), Hiyoko is a bully, Ibuki is insensitive when se gets caught up, Impostor is condescending sometimes, etc. Kazuichi isnt the only one to be a jackass sometimes and t deny it is to deny his character, just as much as reducing him to only that is oversimplifying it.

What I like about Kazuichi is: the design.

(Ok jk but I do enjoy the design a lot)

I like the teenage insecurity. He thinks he wants to be a chick magnet, but gets scared when girls show an interest in him. His ideal woman is basically a barbie doll. He's a little too eager to see his boy bestie naked. He was so excited for a class retreat because he's never had one before. He was so desperate to be cool and tough and not a nerd that he drastically (and no doubt painfully, ow, TEETH) changed his appearance to conform to his Ideal Self, but could not actually change his personality.

He's basically a teenage boy, warts and acne at all, trying so hard to be The That Guy but spectacularly failing. He's actually somewhat of a genius (and the Death Trap stuff hints to him having a lot of repressed turmoil which honestly so true, teenagers whose only outlet is fantasizing about the gory demise of their tormentors, SO TRUE) but he can't SEE that because he wants to be some kind of cool punk frat bro dude. He's so busy living up to some idealized version of himself that he fumbles who he actually is, which if he just took a moment, would be a pretty cool dude. Basically, did you ever discover a cool band and tried to model your entire personality after what you thought those vibes would be? That, but sad.

So yeah, I think he's great at comedic beats, and also has a lot of heart underneath it, but has never been in a place where he can just accept that and let it shine. His last words were basically "here I am, don't forget me!" which like, man, isnt that just relatable teenagerism?

[disruptveyouth]

SHUT UP & DRIVE

0 - you’re on your own, kid

summary: a deal is offered, unwanted memories resurface, and god damn why do women have to do everything themselves???

WC: 6.2k

warnings: angstttt, google translated French, mentions of Horner lol

a/n: buckle up besties

‘I looked around in a blood soaked gown and I saw something they can’t take away.’

“You’re a phenomenal driver, a real up and coming talent. We see great potential in you.” 

Normally, you wouldn’t believe a single thing to come out of Christian Horner’s mouth. But this, what he’s saying now, you can get behind. 

“That being said, we’re willing to extend an offer for a one year contract to have you race for Red Bull in the upcoming 2019 season alongside Max. We think you’d be a huge asset to the team.” 

You want to scream ‘what’s the catch?’ because there has to be one, right? Your rookie season driving for Toro Rosso was a good one, you favored better than rookies in the past. It was one of your strengths as a Formula 1 driver, the ability to mount pressure on your shoulders, bear it all, and come out shining like a diamond. But are you really that much better than your teammate Pierre, can you really fill the large shoes left behind by Daniel? 

What price will you have to pay for the risk Red Bull is taking choosing you?

Silence sits heavily in the room like it’s its own entity, taking up too much space, making the area feel too tight. You’re going to say yes, you and your team knew this was coming, it’s no great shock. Yet, it feels exactly that. Your fingers tingle, your throat dries, and you find it incredibly hard to focus your vision, everything appears slightly fuzzy and distorted. 

You want this, you’ve always wanted this. A chance to drive for Red Bull meant a chance to collect enough points to be a true contender in the World Drivers Championship. That’s every driver on the grids dream, to hoist the trophy, to read your name in big, bold font above everyone else’s. 

It’s so close you can taste it, right on the tip of your tongue, sweet and addictive. 

You want this. So, why can’t you reach out and take it? 

A extra pointy heel digs its way through your shoe under the table, the plastic sting of breaking skin clears your vision almost instantly. You don’t need to look beside you or down to the ground to know who’s heel has punctured you, Liz has taken a habit to wearing sharp shoes and aiming for your big toe. 

‘Waking you up’ is what she calls it. 

‘Borderline torture’ is what you choose to coin it. 

But, she knows you better than anyone else. She sees the signs and she knows exactly how to pull you out of a hole before you’ve buried yourself in too deep to crawl out.  Without her and her Red Bottoms, there’s no way you could have made it here. There’s no way, without beautiful and terrifying Elizabeth Canton, that you would be sitting across from Christian Horner, forming a wide smile and saying,

“I’d love nothing more than to drive for Red Bull in 2019.”

——

The Red Bull racing headquarters in Milton Keynes is nothing you haven’t seen before. Being a member of Toro Rosso gave you grand access to all that was potentially waiting for you, just a few rungs higher on the ladder. It’s been dancing across your fingertips, just out of reach. The sparkle of promise began to dwindle after the first few visits, but the gleam never completely faded out. There’s a different power bouncing against these walls now as you make your way through the various halls, taking your time to soak in the history and the future portrayed before you. 

To know that now you walk these halls as more than just a maybe, it brings something better than a twinkle of light and hope. It’s like an electric current that runs through you, hot and fast and thrilling. And you haven’t even sat in a Red Bull car yet. 

Time doesn’t matter, other people don’t matter. In that moment, it’s just you and the thrill and-

And a solid, warm chest that you round the corner directly into. Hands reach out to steady you but, before you can register the feeling of them against you, they’re pulled away. Your eyes collide with Max Verstappens unmistakable blue ones, closer and clearer than you’ve ever seen them before. 

That’s not entirely the truth though, is it? You have seen his eyes this close, even closer than they are now. All these years later and you can still practically feel the tingle and hints of warmth that his lips left behind on your skin. You hadn’t thought about it, hadn’t felt it, in a very long time. But with him this close, flooding your scenes with his scent and his smile and him, the memory is all you can seem to conjure up in your mind.

“This place is insane.” You grinned as your fingertips traced the delicate wallpaper lining the hallway you slowly walked through. The house of one of your friends from your karting days was bigger than the entire neighborhood you’d grown up in. It stretched for acres across the lush, green fields of Southern France. 

“It’s very .. bold.” Max kept close behind you, watching the way your eyes soaked up every inch of the environment surrounding you. 

“Bold? That’s the word you choose to describe this?” You gestured to the long hallway with its rich colored carpets and fancy crown molding. It was an unusually warm winter day in that area of France, a fresh, crisp breeze traveled the corridors of the mansion through various open windows. “It’s beautiful.” 

“It is.” You shifted your eyes to Max who was still looking at you, not at all as entranced by the ornate details of the home as you were. Sixteen years of life and you’ve never been looked at the way that Max looked at you then. It filled you up, stuffed you like a teddy bear full of cotton and comfort. You were young, too young to understand love but, what floated between you and Max was what you imagined love to be.

You leaned your back against the wall, submerging yourself in his stare. There weren’t a lot of times where you and Max found yourselves completely alone. With your racing careers, the words free and time weren’t necessarily within your vocabularies. And that little free time you did have was rarely spent together since you lived in different countries. That moment together felt rare, that moment felt right.

Max leaned against the wall beside you, close enough to reach out and touch.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked quietly, trying not to burst that bubble of peace you found yourselves in. You couldn’t gather enough courage to tell him the truth, to tell him you were thinking about how much you wanted to kiss him, to hold his hand, to be around him constantly. You were so sure he felt it too. You were so sure you saw a spark in his eye when he looked at you. You thought he reserved a certain tone of voice for you, one with coated with care. You truly believed he had a smile, one that only touched his lips when he saw you.

You were so, so wrong.

Words were the hardest puzzle to solve in your mind, actions somehow seemed easier. You leaned forward, slowly inching your way into his space. Anticipation thrummed in your chest, a feeling you equated so naturally to the moments before lowering yourself into a race car. It fueled you, shot through your veins, had you leaning deeper and deeper into him until his lips were a whisper away from touching yours. 

“Y/N.” He breathed out, the small call of your name drew a shiver from somewhere deep inside you. 

Without another thought, you connected your lips. And he kissed you back. Hot, liquid lava flowed through your veins, melting you against him. It wasn’t your first kiss but, it felt like it should have been. No kiss you had before could compare to that feeling.

Before you could register it, Max pulled away. You blinked slowly up at him, still a little dazed and unsteady under the new warmth that flooded your system.

“I’m sorry.” Max said before clearing his throat and straightening. A piece of your heart cracked then, a piece so small that you couldn’t feel the pain of it breaking just yet. “We shouldn’t have done that.” 

“What?” You straightened beside him.

“That was a mistake.” His eyes darted to the floor. A breath lodged itself in your throat, leaving you nearly gasping. “I don’t-“ Max scratched the back of his neck. “It’s not like that.” 

“What do you mean?” You asked. You knew what he meant, in that moment where all the warmth drained and you were left with the cold reality of his words, you knew exactly what he meant. But, you also needed to hear it. Because maybe you were wrong, maybe one of the best moments of your life wasn’t about to turn into the worst. 

“I don’t like you like that, Y/N.” He spoke through a tense jaw. You shook your head, stepping backward slightly. 

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not.” 

“You-“

“Why would I lie? Why if I liked you and I could have you, would I lie?” He released a deep exhale and shook his head, still avoiding your glassy eyes. “This isn’t what I want. You’re not .. good enough. You’re not it for me.”

You’re not good enough. You’re not good enough. You’re not good enoughyou’re not good enoughyou’re not good enoughyou’re not good enough-

Those words clung to the air in between the silence in the hall as you turned away from him, from your friendship, and walked out of that mansion in France. They clung to you as you returned home from your trip and got back to training. They clung to you the first time you saw Max again at one of your F2 races. They clung to you as, instead of smiling and wishing you luck, Max turned away from you and didn’t look back. 

Those words clung to you even now, many years later, as you found yourself still vibrating in his presence like a kid who thought she knew what love meant.

“Verstappen.” You try your best to sound as unamused with his presence as possible.

“Still on a last name basis, are we?” His voice doesn’t hold any malice, it’s teasing in a way that makes you want to grind your teeth together. You roll your eyes, fighting against the grin pressing at the corner of your lips. “Well I believe now the proper greeting would be something along the lines of ‘hello teammate’.”

“Yes, I suppose that’s what we are now .. teammates.” The word doesn’t taste as bitter on your tongue as you hoped it would.

“Teammates and ..?” He raises a brow.

“And ..?” You raise an eyebrow back.

“Friends, Y/N, we’re friends.” A twinge of annoyance flashes across his face. 

“Oh,” you cross your arms over your chest. “So now you want to be friends?” His features soften, the veil of annoyance stripped away at your words. 

“Look, Y/N-“

“We do not need to have this conversation right now.” You take a quick glance around the hidden second floor hallway of the racing headquarters, thankful for all the attention being drawn to another level of the facility for the day. The more you thought about it, the more you didn’t want to have that conversation at all. Max rejected you. Then continued to act like nothing had happened, other than choosing to keep you at more than arms length away for the rest of your youth.

You had been heartbroken, yes. But overall, it hurt more that you lost a friend.

The longer you stand there, so close but still so far from him, the more you start to believe that being teammates with him will only make things between you worse. You’ve managed to stay civil, exchange encouraging words at times but, that was it. It could have been so much more. But, he made it clear it never would be.

When you turn to walk away, a hand claps around your own.

“I think we do.” Max closes the small gap of space you extended when you went to leave. “I’ve thought about it, for so long. And I’ve prepared-“

“You prepared?” You raise your eyebrows with a mix of amusement and horror. 

Max just shrugs. “Always good to be prepared”

“Right, well ..” You don’t give him a chance to continue with whatever he prepared to say to you if this moment ever arose. You can’t imagine he would somehow manage to break your heart again but, you certainly won’t be offering him the opportunity on a silver platter.

“It doesn’t matter what car I’ll be in,” you continue, tilting your chin up at him “or what you are to me, a teammate, a friend … I’m prepared to kick your ass this season. See you on the track.”

You step around him and make your way back toward your team, faintly hearing (and completely ignoring) Max mutter something along the lines of ‘we have to train together before that though’.

Conversation over.

——

You should have known right away that this wasn’t going to end well. When you took a glance around the group and realized you were alone in a circle made up of older, white, rich men, you should have known where this would head. Maybe you did, realization sat heavy in your stomach like a stone, but you chose to ignore the gut feeling. You chose to tuck your shoulders back, straighten up and plaster on that smile. That smile reserved for these kinds of men, the sweet and innocent and ever so fake smile. 

“I don’t suppose you could share with us how you pulled this one off?” A deep, grainy voice has you blinking away the glaze that was coating your eyeballs. 

“Sorry?” You clear your throat, still blinking rapidly in the direction. You try your best to ignore the rise of the man’s eyebrows, the presumptuous gaze he holds over you.  

“How did you manage to secure the seat with Red Bull Racing?” 

The strung out smile across your lips falters, you feel your muscles twitch downward involuntarily. A quick glance around the circle has your face falling more, you hold the genuine attention of all these men surrounding you. They’re curious to know too. Isn’t it obvious though? You earned the seat through hard work and good results for Red Bulls sister team, your talent spoke for itself. 

Didn’t it?

“Well, I assume based on what Christian has said, that it was because they saw potential in me. They believe that I could win a WDC.” You make an effort to keep your voice strong and sturdy under the heavy weight of their stares. A chuckle brakes out amongst some of them, a light and short burst of amusement. Like they know something you don’t. 

“You don’t suppose it’s because you’re a woman?”

“A-“ your voice cracks then, the pressures mounting mounting mounting and you can feel its crushing power against your throat. “A woman?”

Another chuckle. 

“That’s what you are dear, correct? You certainly look like one.” His gaze drops down your body quickly then slithers its way up and you’ve never been so mad about looking so good. At the beginning of the night, when you shimmied that tight dress on, the one that hugged your curves, extenuated your best features, made you feel beautiful, you knew you looked good.

Now, all you feel is wrong.

“Yes, I am.” Your face burns, so much that you have to physically stop yourself from pressing the cold glass of champagne you’re clutching to your cheeks. “And why would that matter?”

“Sweetheart.” the man tsked and shook his head.

“One would think Red Bull may see it as an advantage. To draw attention. To create a spectacle.”

“You know, sponsorships, brand deals, reputation, matters almost as much as racing results. Maybe even more.”

“With a female driver, Red Bull is basically opening up the doors to infinitely more financial opportunities.”

“It’s not like they need help winning races, not with Max showing the promise that he is.”

“Did you really think the reason was different from simply that?”

They were all speaking now, different voices, different insults, all being fired off from one mouth to the next all in your direction. All of it, all of those words and the different tones they spoke in, boiled down to one simple message: it was never about your driving. And it never would be. 

This misogyny is not new. This sexist attitude toward women in Motorsport doesn’t sting like the fresh cut of a blade against your skin. Instead it aches and burns like a deep wound that’s never healed quite right. One that every time it’s pressed, reminds you of the pain of experiencing it for the first time. 

You can’t let these words burrow into your skin no matter how strong and sharp are. Not when you’ve spent the past year fighting in the trenches to prove that you’re just as fast as any man in a Formula 1 car. You are more than your face and curves and your gender. You are your heart and your brain and your skill. 

You can believe it all you want yet, somehow believing that no one else ever will hurts more. 

“And why can’t it be both?” You hear yourself asking this group of men, these so called supporters of your team. “Why can’t I bring Red Bull good publicity and win them races? Why because I have long hair and prefer to have my nails painted does that make a difference? Why because I have a vagina does it mean I can’t be capable of having that kind of success?” 

You’re panting now, you hadn’t meant to say any of that, let along raise your voice while spilling it out. 

“Oh God ..” you breathe, still trying to catch your breath. “I’m sorry, I-“ you break off in another small gasp, words suddenly appear foreign and jumbled in your brain. As the silent seconds tick by, the darker your vision and your thoughts and your future become. 

“I’m sorry.” You mutter one last time before you bolt. 

The path to the exit is nearly clear, only a few bodies hang in the space between you and the fresh air you desperately need. The chatter and commotion of everyone else in the venue is nothing more than background noice to the sound of your own blood roaring in your ears. You aren’t paying attention to anyone or anything other than escape, you certainly aren’t hearing the calls of your name from close behind your heels. It’s only when a firm hand catches your elbow, halting you in place, does reality suddenly shift back into view.

“Where are you going?” Liz’s normally warm tone feels like ice against your skin. You knew she’d be pissed if she thought you were trying to ditch, especially with all the responsibilities you hold tonight, especially when you promised her you’d find her if you needed an out. This definitely looks bad, you can tell by the way her features are taut when you turn to face her. It is bad but, you can’t let her know that. 

“Just need some air. I’ll be back, I swear.” You can tell the sentiment passes directly through her. She only crosses her arms in response. “It’s the truth!”

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Y/N.”

“Nothing!”

“Y/N-“

“Liz, please!” You snap your mouth closed after the sound of your plea echoes around you. Again, you hadn’t meant to raise your voice but, the emotion is clawing its way up your throat, desperate for an out. “I can’t be here right now.” You say in a much quieter, not at all composed tone.

“You have to be here. This is your job.” Liz keeps her voice lowered too but, it holds no softness, only a distinct sharpness you’ve become accustomed to understanding meant nothing but business. Liz is a woman but, she is not a coddler. She is not a mother who rocks and hushes, she’s a competitor who will pry and push because she knows it’s exactly what you need to succeed.

Look where she’s gotten you.

“Don’t you think I know that?” You step closer, holding a hand against your heart beating rapidly inside your chest. “But I can’t stand around and try to convince these people I’m someone that I’m not.”

“No one is asking you to do that.” Liz’s face softens, sympathy bleeds through the cracks of her tough facade. 

“Of course they are. Smile pretty but, don’t be too bold or else you’ll seem too cocky. Act innocent but, not too innocent or else you’ll seem naive. Show some skin but, not too much or else you’ll be asking for it. When had a man ever been accused of any of those things?” 

“You wanted this, Y/N. To be a woman in Motorsport, to show everyone that gender doesn’t matter. That anyone can drive if they have the determination to do so.”

“Yes, I wanted to drive. Not to play pet. I am me and it is becoming alertly clear that’s not enough.” Your fist clenches so tightly at your side, you can feel the half moons your nails are pressing into your skin draw blood. All of whatever face Liz puts on during work hours has disintegrated into a look of pain and understanding. 

“Go,” she motions to the door only a few feet from you two “be back before your speech.” You release a breath you didn’t know you were holding and turn for the exit. “But, Y/N.” You look over your shoulder. “Know that you will always be good enough to me.”

——

“30 minutes in and you’re already trying to make a run for it.” Max’s familiar voice startles you slightly. You spin around to see him sauntering his way over with an easy grin, looking effortless good in his suit. For a split second, you let the sight melt your frozen core. Then as soon as the split second passes, it’s frosted over again. Because of course everything is so effortlessly easy for Verstappen. 

“I wish.” You grumble, turning yourself back around to the view of the lake under the glowing moon. “I just needed some air.” 

“Mind some company?” His voice is much closer now, just over your shoulder. You suppress a shudder under his presence, the warmth of his body heat close to your own. 

The truth is that yes, you do mind company. In this moment, you want to be alone. You want to wallow and sulk and maybe cry until it’s all out of your system, until you can confidently walk back into the venue with your head held high and your confidence back where it should be. 

But you can’t get yourself to form the words to tell him to leave. Instead, you find yourself shrugging, feigning indifference. 

“Won’t they miss you in there?” You ask after a few seconds of nothing passed between you two other than the breeze shaking the bare branches of the trees around the water.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Max replies, both of your bodies stay facing forward. The wind picks up, brushing some hair off your shoulder, leaving goosebumps in its chilly wake.

“I doubt it.” You glance towards Max just in time to catch his eyes darting away from you, away from your skin. The goosebumps certainly do not go away after that.

When Max’s gaze find its way back to yours, you don’t shy away from holding his eye. Something has come loose inside you, a bolt or a screw jarred of its axis by those men in suits who talk as if they truly know you. Normally, you wouldn’t let yourself bask in the light and warmth of Max’s stare, you’d ignore any pulse of feeling that grew stronger in moments of closeness like this. There’s a reason why there’s been so far and few since that night all that time ago. 

Tonight, you find your walls already cracked, already unsteady. They’re breaking and it’s dangerous and you know that. Yet, you stand in front of him and hold his eyes and feel the vulnerability threaten to shatter you. 

“Can I ask you something? And can you be completely honest in your answer?” You lower your voice, keep it soft like the words passing between you are too fragile to be spoken at a loud volume. 

“Of course.” If Max is uncomfortable with the eye contact you’ve maintained, he doesn’t show it. Instead he draws his head a little closer, listening intently.

“Why do you think Red Bull asked me to take the open seat?” 

Confusion twists his features, his eyebrows pull in, his noice scrunches slightly. He doesn’t answer right away and you can feel yourself, in those fleeting seconds of silence, regretting asking him at all. It must make you seem weak to not have an unshakeable sense of confidence in who you are. It must make you seem foolish to seek the validation of your future teammate who, when it comes down to it, will be your fiercest competitor on the grid. 

“Because you’re an amazing driver.” Max says, like it’s obvious, like that was the easiest question he’s ever been asked. And you can’t deny the rush of affection mixed with relief churning in your chest at the response. 

“Am I?” You whisper, your voice hallow and weak against the strength of the winter wind. Max’s face softens before he reaches a hand out to touch your shoulder. “Don’t answer that.” You step away, down closer to the edge of the water. You can’t let him touch you, you can’t let him look at you with empathy and care and something else you can’t quite place. If you do, you’ll break. 

Why are you doing this? Why are you allowing yourself to spiral down this hole when you have dug and dug and dug until your hands were raw and your fingers bled, until you were finally on an even playing field? This can’t be how your stint at Red Bull Racing starts, this infection of self doubt with do nothing but spread until it’s taken you whole. 

“Y/N ..” You hear the crunch of Max’s dress shoes under the dead grass behind you moving closer. Enough of this. Enough of drowning in this feeling of uncertainty, it’s time to sink or swim. 

“I am a woman.” You spin around quickly toward Max. He blinks in surprise as he pulls his hand back down to his side. 

“Yes, you are?” 

“And I am a great driver.” You have to stop yourself from stomping your heel into the ground. 

“Yes, you are.” The corners of his mouth turn up, just the slightest bit. 

“And those two facts can coexist.” You feel your mouth curving up too though you don’t mean to do it. “And Red Bull can want me because I am both a woman who is paving a path for other women to be in Formula 1 and because I can win races and become a World Drivers Champion even if it means beating you!” 

Max’s eyebrows are raised, his lips pressing themselves into a thin line, and you can tell he’s fighting for his life against a rush of laughter threatening to spill out at your little burst. But he doesn’t laugh, he just nods and breaks out a wide grin. 

“I will gladly agree with you and accept that challenge.” 

You tilt your head to the night sky, releasing all the tension in your shoulders and sign. It feels good to get it out, to speak a truth you know so deeply in your bones. You belong here. And it certainly doesn’t hurt to have Max there, standing by you, agreeing with you. 

One thing you know about Max is that he doesn’t do something unless he truly means it. He’s fiercely loyal, honest to a point of almost rudeness but, reliable in a way that feels safe. What you see is what you get. 

Maybe that’s why it hurt so much when he told you he didn’t want you that night. Because as you knew all too well, Max doesn’t do something unless he truly meant it. 

That doesn’t matter now, though. The time for mourning the possibility of something between you has come and gone. A new era is upon you two, one of teamwork, possibly friendship. Something that could turn out great. 

Or so terribly bad. 

——

The crowd of the gala and their loud conversing was unchanged when you return into the venue, almost as if your absence didn’t send everyone into a discombobulated frenzy. What a shame. Regardless, you and Max blend seamlessly back into the masses just minutes before you’re supposed to make your speech. 

The lingering chill of the winter weather clings to your skin even inside the warm venue, surrounded by the heat of bodies and laughter and booze. Even as the seconds tick by, you shake underneath the silk of your dress. It would probably be proper of you to admit that what you’re feeling is not cold but, rather dread from knowing what’s to come. 

There are a lot of people in the room. A lot of important people who should mean a lot and do mean a lot to you and your team. Some of which had already heard plenty from you tonight. But, that doesn’t matter now. This is a new chance, a fresh opportunity, to show everyone that whatever preconceived notion about you they have was wrong. 

“Où étais-tu toute la nuit?” Where have you been all night? Arms wrap themselves around your shoulders from behind, pulling you back into a sturdy chest. One small inhale of a familiar spicy scent is enough to have you melting back into him, into the comfort of his hold. Pierre’s love language is touch, you found that out quickly after joining Toro Rosso. 

“Why are you so cold? You’re shaking.” He murmurs, rubbing his hands up and down your bare arms. 

“I was outside with ..” You turn your head back toward where Max is, or was, only to see his back retreating away toward a group of people on the other side of the room. 

“With Max? And you did not manage to kill him? I am proud of you.” Pierre smirks as you look back at him, causing you to roll your eyes and playfully smack his arm. 

“I’m as surprised as you are.” You chew on your bottom lips as the moments you spent alone outside with Max flash through your mind. “It was actually kind of … nice.”

“Wow, who are you and what have you done with my friend?” Pierre raises a brow and takes a cautious step backward, as if you’re suddenly contagious. 

The confusion of what happened outside mixed with the anxiousness of your impending speech is brewing into a dangerous concoction inside you. 

“I’m nervous.” You tell Pierre in a quieter, more serious tone. You didn’t want to talk about Max anymore or whatever transpired between you. 

“You’ll be brilliant.” Pierre’s smirk dampens down to a sweet smile. 

“Everyone expects something different from me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say or who I’m supposed to be to please everyone.” You grit your teeth against the feeling of a fresh well of tears gathering in your eyes. 

“Mon ange,” Pierre rests a hand on your arm, squeezing it gently “you do not have to be anyone but yourself. That is plenty good enough.” You place your hand on top of his, hoping the contact will allow you to transfer the words from his mind directly into your bloodstream. 

“What am I going to do without you next season?” You chuckle softly, blinking back tears for an entirely different reason now. You and Pierre’s friendship has blossomed during your time at Toro Rosso. Though you know you’ll always still mean something to each other, to not have his constant support and companionship will feel like a brutal punishment you don’t deserve.

“Oh, mon ange, you will most certainly suffer greatly. And I will be sure to blow you a kiss as I pass you on the track in your fancy new Red Bull car.”

You’re about to bite back with a grin on your face when you hear the distinct sound of feedback from the microphone on the stage. All of the fear lingering inside you swarms up your body and settles in your chest. Pierre rests a gentle hand on the small of your back as your attention is drawn to the front. It’s time.

Somehow, by way of a miracle, you manage not to hurl on your shoes while you patiently wait and watch the various presidents and CEOs of sponsors speak. They express their love for Red Bull, their appreciation to be a part of the organization and their excitement with their investments in the teams future. Which you happen to be a very big part of. God, you might just crumble up and die at this point. Can you really do this?

“Thank you, everyone again for all of your commitment to our program, to the members of our team.” Christian Horner smiles against the microphone and holds a stage presence like no other. You desperately wish you knew his secret, his key to appearing ever cool and confident. Maybe too confident. 

“As the Team Principle for Red Bull Racing, I cannot be more excited for what’s to come. I know I say that before the start of every season but, this time I really mean it!” Laughs radiate through the venue. “No really, we have a great engineering team building us a race winning car and a driver lineup that can undoubtably deliver us results. In fact, we are introducing a new driver to our team this year. Up from our sister team, Toro Rosso, this driver has significant potential. We’ve seen her do brilliant things in her rookie year and look forward to standing by her when she accomplishes more in a Red Bull Racing car. Everyone, please extend a warm welcome to our newest driver, Y/N Y/L/N.”

The steady, loud sound of clapping and cheering surrounds you on all sides. Some turn to face you, Pierre included, his own prideful smile in place as he applauds you. You send him one last grateful look before navigating your way through the crowd toward the stage. You keep your hands in fists by your side, holding the shivers of nerves and to your surprise, excitement, at bay.

Christen extends a hand and helps you step up the small steps toward the stage. With a deep breath, you take the microphone from his hold with a smile. Christen offers you one back with a small nod before stepping to the side, letting the lights pointing on the stage swallow you and only you whole. Behind the glaring yellow light, you can hardly make out the faces of the crowd but, in the back of your mind you’re reminded of just how many faces there are, their focus solely on you.

“Thank you Christian for your kind words. And thank you to everybody at Red Bull who believed in me enough to offer me this opportunity. I could not be more grateful to be here. I think it goes without saying but, I’ve wanted to drive a Formula 1 car for as long as I can remember. And to now be given the chance to do so with such a legendary team, I’m honored.” You adjust your slick palms on the mic and take another breath.

“I am not the first female Formula 1 driver. There have been many amazing women to proceed me in this sport and I would not be here if it were not for them. If I hadn’t gone to the tracks as a kid and saw girls racing among all those boys or turned on the TV and saw women racing, and winning, against those men, I would not have believed it was possible for me to do the same. Yet, here I am. Every time I sit in one of these cars, I picture myself as a child, I think about who I saw, who showed me what I could achieve. I hope that if nothing else comes of my time at Red Bull, of my time in Formula 1, that I at least continue to pave that path for females in Motorsport the way they have paved the path for me.”

“Being a woman does not put me at a disadvantage. It is the way that women are perceived that changes the way I have to act, the way I have to race, the person I am allowed to be. I always have and always will be proud to be a female in this sport, hopefully changing the future. But, above all else, I am a race care driver. And I’m thrilled to now be a driver for Red Bull Racing. Thank you.” 

taglist: @laura-naruto-fan1998 @opium-den @honethatty12​ @sabrilad @idkiwantchocolatee @revengze @lawwwy @storyteller-le @butterflyydancestuff @indieclarke (if for some reason the tag didn’t work, sorry!)

[professional-termite]

What Star Trek headcannons do you have?

*cracks knuckles* tng headcanons infodumping time (i havent finished tng yet but i have projected very very hard onto several characters and also made everyone on this ship bisexual bc i can)

picard:

worlds grumpiest polyam gray aroace bi man

i think if he had a grape fanta he would simply Die. not in a good way. actually any soda i think i could kill this guy with a baja blast

hes absolutely not dating riker but like half the ship thinks he is. also theyve screwed like twice but platonically dw abt it

hes dating both dr crusher and q. because i say so

riker:

TRANS MAN RIKER SUPREMACY!!! RIKER IS SO TRANS BC I SAY SO ‼️‼️

hes polyam and also arospec. i think hed like the label aroallo but gray aromantic allo bisexual is more accurate

hes dating like Everyone. data, troi, dr crusher, worf, geordi. my mans is absolutely rolling in romantic/sexual partners

he takes time to take every single one of them on dates catered to them and is absurdly romantic whenever he gets the chance. think rose petals and chocolate and violins

he doesnt ENCOURAGE rumours that he and the captain are dating but he doesnt DISCOURAGE them either

geordi:

pathetic little bisexual man. puts him in the oven

hes dating riker (everyone is dating riker lmao) and in a borderline romantic qpr with data (he calls data his boyfriend but also likes to clarify its not quite Dating since data is aroace)

data and geordi have sherlock holmes rp date nights. this one isnt even a hc actually pretty sure they literally do this in canon

worf:

aroallo bi worf is real and true i would know i was the enterprise

he acts like he hates rikers stupid romantic bs whenever he takes worf on dates (usually they end up just going to a holodeck and duking it out homoerotically afterwards anyways) but then he lays awake at night thinking about riker like 😳

i think he likes drawing skulls. i have exactly 0 canon to back this up but i think he would enjoy drawing skulls

data (can you tell hes my favourite lmao):

spends literal hours researching romantic/sexual relationships so he can be a good partner to geordi and riker even tho he considers himself aroace. usually comes up with something stupidly cheesy (even worse than riker) for dates and they both absolutely adore him for it

polyam aroace bi, and also he/him agender. because i said so

data likes to bonk his head on his partners as a show of affection. its like a kiss on the cheek/forehead except youre getting BONKED by an android

one of my moots (data la forge maybe?) said something about data purring and like thats actually canon as stated before i would know i was the enterprise

also he likes to lay his head on geordis lap. because I Said So

he is included in Girls Nights. he and keiko and troi and dr crusher all get together and he listens to their gossip while they paint his nails and do his makeup

troi:

troi tops. 100%

shes in a relationship both dr crusher and riker, and also had a thing going with tasha yar before she died

i think she considers herself poly bi with a preference for men, but she usually ends up in lasting relationships with women

i feel like she and riker are more of a qpr/fwb situation rather than a romantic one. theyre besties who are also soulbound and also love each other and also fuck nasty sometimes

dr crusher:

pansexual. did you see the way she literally did not care about gender when her parasite lover became a woman?? this is a pansexual

she likes helping data get ready for dates n stuff. they hang out in her quarters and she does his hair and picks out outfits and gives him advice

wesley:

him and his gf from that one episode (robin i think her name was??) are t4t. i base this on my Divine Intuition

summons a large eagle to carry him off into the night

q:

i want to call this man every slur i know. horrid creature. kisses him on the forehead

has no connection to gender identity or sexuality. hes probably aspec but identifies only as queer bc Q

he and picard have fucked nasty at least once. theres no way they havent

[irishhorse-blog]

Even as a non-shipper, two things always jump out at me about the current air in regards to Jikook.

1) The fact that people can't even ship them jokingly. People will scream into a pillow about JK and his crush on RM, about Jimin and Jin being chaos cuties, or about Sope being...just Sope and no one gives a fuck. But the moment Jikook is the conversation topic, everyone's always "aw such besties". Like you never see anyone call JK whipped for JM or vice versa even in the way they do with other non serious ships? It's really fucking weird

2) I'm no expert on SK military procedures. But if there were two dudes who enlisted as part of a program with the purpose of staying together 18 months. To protect them both, to make them better soldiers, to help them serve their country? Why would you then go out of your way to separate them? My BFF has been in the military for years and he's been serving with the same team for most of that time. You bet your ass no one is gonna rip tight nit groups apart, that's incredibly demoralising. Which you don't need on the base that is so close to the literal border of North Korea. Like why is this even a discussion point in the shipping community? This is the furthest from romantic or cute or whatever I can think of? Our 7 men are risking their lives and mental health every day for their country, after holding up the economy almost single handedly mind you, without being asked if they wanted to. And People use this mandatory enlistment to further rumours about them? Kinda insane. I won't ever celebrate what we hear about BTS and their training, because I only want to know they're safe. Let them do this job in peace

Well spoken, Anon.

I've noticed the same weirdness around Jikook. People can't even kid about it without getting awkward and making it weird. I love Sope and NamJin and JinKook even Yoonmin, basically every ship/friendship pair but Taekook (because the cult ruined the fun for me). I don't know why it's so hard for other people to love Jikook the same way. See them as lovers, see them as besties, see them as brothers - their relationship is still lovely and wholesome, and I think it should be admired no matter what anyone believes is the true nature of their feelings for one another.

I agree also that it makes no sense to separate men who enlist under the buddy system. The government makes them jump through too many hoops just to qualify for the option. After all that, they'd never pull them apart. Like you said, close-knit units are part of the driving force of any military. A good team can perform miracles. Jimin and Jungkook enlisted together, they are assigned together, they are in the same dorm, the same camp, the same everything. That's the way they planned it and the way they wanted it. If I see one more cultist or solo stan playing the "mean old BigHit made them do it" card, I really will go insane.

[sarah-cam]

This is the same anon that just messaged about Jeremiah/Conrad! I forgot to add sort of in the analysis Jelly/Bonrad and why you think one is "better" analysis-wise or even personal-preference-wise 😊

alright i’m going to start this with just my personal preference and then get into an analytical side. a lot of my opinions on the ships revolve around my opinions of conrad vs jeremiah, because a lot of the reasons i don't like jere have to do with jelly (that post is here)

again, i want to start this by saying that if you ship jelly that’s awesome for you but to be blunt lbr y’all are delulu if you genuinely believe that bonrad won’t be endgame 😂

jenny han spent several years and three books building the relationship between belly and conrad, and now two seasons of a show where not only are belly and conrad ALWAYS the underlying relationship, but conrad is imo clearly the lead male over jeremiah. he continuously has storylines outside of his relationship with belly, vs jere's focus pretty much only revolving around that so far. she’s not going to change the endgame… she’s just not 🤷🏻‍♀️

first things first — i don’t choose the ship, the ships choose me 🙏🏼 it’s pretty simple and probably is for a lot of people, i just get all the tingly feelings and that’s that

from that first slow motion walk up, the chemistry was CHEM👏🏼IS👏🏼TRY👏🏼ING👏🏼!!! lola and chris have such amazing chemistry in every single scene, even when they don’t even say anything, and that chemistry is romantic straight from that very first scene

and i will admit, lola and gavin have good chemistry too!! (lola honestly has such great, unique chemistry with every other actor) even though i have my issues with it, the scene between belly and jeremiah on the side of the road DID hit me in the feels. the issue for me though is that the vibes i get are just not romantic in the same way as it is with conrad, its bestie vibes. at the very least, they start the show with bestie vibes and romantic vibes "develop". it just feels forced in a way, especially since belly and conrad is just always there.

i should be able to see it - you shouldn't have to tell me. most notably, when trusky goes on that weird rant about their "vibes" when they were literally just standing next to each other, worrying about conrad, and jere was rolling his eyes about conrad being depressed over belly. they constantly talk about their "ESP" but when it comes time to show how well he knows her, it's not even just that he doesn't know her favorite candy is sour patch kids - he literally doesn't know that she hates swedish fish

taking some points from my conrad/jeremiah analysis, i don't like the way jeremiah is manipulative and constantly makes belly feel guilty for being happy or simply just existing next to conrad. rolling his eyes when she seems a little jealous of sophie and when she has a little smile when she learns conrad was staring at pictures of her, constantly eyeing them when belly worries about conrad in "love fool", interrupts them with an angry look when they talk in the store in "love fest", brings her up in his fight with conrad also in "love fest", keeps giving nasty looks in "love triangle" when conrad gives her his sweatshirt, the stuff with the candy, and when their hands BARELY touch at the motel. in that same lane, i just feel like he invalidates her feelings a lot, shames her for loving conrad, and dismisses/shuts her down when she tries to talk about it (which was funny when lola said in an interview that jere made belly feel more heard 😂 she's fighting for her life out there)

the episode with his narration was PAINFUL. i'm sorry but he gave off the biggest incel vibes. everything he said revolved around hating on conrad or victimizing himself, like "doesn't she know i would treat her so much better?? doesn't she know how much i want to be sitting next to her?? conrad had no right to date her after ignoring her for years." IT WAS GROSS. and also, not true. jere said himself that he started liking her after she 'turned pretty' which... i don't even believe. he only started liking her after he saw her almost kiss conrad. he is supportive of cam cameron and encourages their relationship. he's only jealous of conrad.

to conrad, this isn't a competition or a game. and if it was, he would voluntarily lose if it meant belly would be happy.

and in case you were still doubting the iconic soulmatism that only occurs in the ultimate endgames - here ya go!!

tropes: i found an amazing list laid out here and picked out some of the best ones

all girls want bad boys

anguished declaration of love (more so the 3rd book so it hasn't happened yet)

childhood friends/best friends to lovers (yes because conrad is ALSO her best friend)

childhood crush

everyone can see it

first love/first guy wins

i want my beloved to be happy

settle for sibling

single-target sexuality (conrad only ever loves belly and lbr she only ever truly loves him)

unrequited/secretly-requited love

music: like... come on... it's pretty clear (and before you bring up delicate, don't: "this ain't for the best" "we can't make any promises")

lover, "can we always be this close forever and ever?"

the way i loved you, "and i never knew i could feel that much"

this love, "these hands had to let it go free and this love came back to me"

false god, "we'd still worship this love"

august, "for me, it was enough to live for the hope of it all"

back to december, "it turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you"

last kiss, "i never thought we'd have a last kiss"

invisible string, "all along there was some invisible string tying you to me"

sweet nothing, "i find myself running home to your sweet nothings"

snow on the beach, "time can't stop me quite like you did"

exile, "we always walked a very thin line"

when the party's over, "i've learned to lose you, can't afford to"

drivers license, "how could i ever love someone else?

deja vu, "she thinks it's special but it's all reused"

never really over, "just because it's over doesn't mean it's really over"

steal my girl, "we want the same things we dream the same dreams"

i'm kissing you, "but watching stars without you my soul cried"

little things:

conrad was the only one growing up that ever included her

they have their own handshake in the volleyball game (vs belly teaching jere her and taylor’s)

he gets her meaningful presents (junior mint, glass unicorn, infinity necklace, bouquet of candy)

he always knows and gets her favorite things (muffins, candy)

they call each other all the time

he gives her his sweaters even when she says she's not cold, because he knows she doesn't mind the cold but likes being cozy

pictures of the two of them are constantly showed (belly's phone, her room, the polaroid)

conrad is the leader but they also look to belly as a leader too (deciding to throw the party, boardwalk, team belly/team conrad)

conrad cheers for steven to fight milo but breaks it up as soon as belly tells him to

always worrying about each other (conrad jumps in to defend laurel from adam when belly gets upset, she always looks to him first when something bad happens)

he can tell that she's awake in the motel because she isn't snoring

they have the same dream of the future (coming back to cousins)

and most of all, susannah, laurel, AND steven ship it 👑

parallels:

first off, the flashbacks typically mirror what's going on in present day and almost every flashback is of something important with conrad

the pool scenes with belly swimming while conrad has his feet in

she dreams of him kissing her in the beginning of s2 in the same way he kisses her when they are in front of the fireplace

they continuously have important scenes on the beach

he picks her up the same way the last time they were on the beach as a couple and the first time since their breakup

her wearing his cousins rowing shirt and then still having it, wearing his sweater/sweatshirt, wearing his t-shirt even when broken up

she brings up how he helped her with trig during 'shoot your shot'

he always plays with her hair/brushes it from her face

the infinity necklace and junior mint always being there

constant parallels to staylor (i made a post about them here), jenny has literally said that steven is taylor's conrad

quotes:

conrad - "i'm glad that it was me" "i do want you" "you're it for me" "my chest physically hurts to not be able to tell her that i'm in love with her" "i don't think i could ever get over you" "[you're cold-hearted] for everyone else maybe, not for you"

belly - "you were great" "being with you is all i'ver ever wanted" "i want it to be with you" "there's only you, there's only ever been you" "i was in love, steven, like, out of my mind in love" "he made it so hard not to love him" "i loved conrad longer and truer than anyone in my whole life" "i'll probably never love anyone like that again" "i would've fought for you" "i don't regret any of the times we were together"

laurel - "for belly, conrad is the sun, and when the sun comes out, the stars disappear", saying that a cozy campfire (jeremiah) is not enough compared to fireworks (conrad)

steven - "conrad's her soulmate"

susannah - "i knew it" "take care of him", the letters she's writing in her last scene

foreshadowing:

most obviously, infinity - like it's pretty hard to argue with. also, when conrad explains infinity he compares it to a racetrack, and at the boardwalk him and belly cross the finish line of the racetrack together

dancing - all of the times belly dances, it's with conrad. the deb ball dance especially foreshadows a first dance at a wedding

venus - it is an evening star before it disappears, and then it returns as a morning star. conrad disappears from her life before returning

belly flops - conrad is always holding her under the arms, by her heart

rollerblades - belly talks about her feelings for conrad being tucked away like her rollerblades, which came out of storage in s2

staylor - belly and taylor's conversation about forgetting first loves and then taylor immediately ignoring that and getting with steven... she's so real

deja vu - belly constantly sees things that remind her of conrad, especially when she is with jeremiah. the song literally plays while she's in the car with him. like again... "it's all reused" 😂

names- isabel susannah conklin and conrad beck fisher... talk about fate amirite

lighting - the motel scene... enough said

[itsmarsss]

*descends from the heavens*

tis' i...fnaf anon... hi lol

anyways, if we assign different weird kid media to each helluva boss character, yk fnaf to loona, creepypasta's to Octavia. what about the others? moxxie's is already figured out, he is the musical animatic side of weird kids lmfao

would Stolas be the weird y/n fanfics? or the gacha stories? ABO verse?? what about blitz and millie?? millie could be yan sim but idk lol

fnaf anon my beloved you’ve returned from the war!!! how i have missed u and the unhinged thoughts that follow!!

ya know stolas is already halfway there in canon really he’s reading spicy novels left and right like on the dinner table like a crazy shameless man and also he likes telenovelas so he loves the drama…. if he ever got introduced to world of fanfiction it would be Over no one would see him for days on end he’s camping under his sheets and reading every single smut fic he can find. he’ll read them about his favorite characters from stuff he watches or reads about and couples he wishes were together but he does not tolerate what he thinks is badly written stuff like. that man’s special interest is ‘words’ he ain’t letting bad writing slide. that being said he’s reading some freaky smut like. look who we’re talking abt here. if he’s feeling silly he’ll even try to use something he saw on those irl to flirt or get ideas for things he hadn’t thought to try before in bed he’s a silly lil’ guy

as in for Blitzø… bestie im afraid to tell you this…. LMAO this man is also into freaky fanfiction but it’s freaky as in like if you saw the shit he reads you’d wanna wipe HIS browser history clean. it’s the terribly spelled terribly written deeply hidden written by probably either like a 12-year-old or like a real creepy middle aged person. he’s not caring about the writing he cares about the plot and the plot is bad too but so fucking what if it works it works. comments inappropriate shit like I JRKED OFF 2 DIS on them. unfortunate but true he does not care 😭😭😭😭 also my little pony fanfiction but funnily enough not the weird freaky ones, actual cute like found family, friendship, sweet stuff. also written by twelve year olds probably.

i think for millie like. ya know. gore would be pretty standard. like obsessively searching up video after video of weird gory shit and it’s not that she likes it necessarily lol but just morbid curiosity and kind getting into that rabbit hole and not getting herself to stop. she’s obviously like. desensitized to many forms of violence like from her childhood to what hell is generally is like and also obviously what she does for a living but there’s been shit that’s rocked her a little before lol but give a a random violent video appearing for her on social media for her to fall into the circle of watching them again. moxxie hates hates hates them. also she’s obsessed with fridge organizing videos. like obsessed obsessed.

[wonusite]

for my bestie!cheol drabble request. he got jealous with one of your colleagues, the moment you went to his apartment he was stripping all of your clothes determined to fuck you all night full of his cum to prove that you are his only. (and maybe put a slight breeding kink hihi)

-💟

hahahaha i fucking love you for this 😫❤️

For as long as you can remember, Seungcheol has always been your plus-one. This remains true up to date, which is why you brought him along to your boss’s retirement party. The whole thing is over the top and fancy since your boss wants to go out with a bang. To be honest, you’re not a huge fan of fancy events, but you would never pass up an opportunity to see your best friend in a suit.

The party itself is pretty fun, and everything is going well until your coworker, Minghao, comes over to speak with you. This normally wouldn’t have bothered Seungcheol if only this pretty boy wasn’t so obviously attracted to you. He could tell it from the way he looked at you, eyes shining as he hung on to every single word you said.

The rest of the party goes along smoothly, well, as smoothly as it can with this irritating leech that won’t unlatch himself from you hanging around. Seungcheol does a good job at hiding his annoyance and pretending like he doesn’t want to snap the hand that casually touches your arm when you say something funny.

It’s not like you’re flirting back, but you’re so damn nice that you don’t see how obvious it is that your colleague wants to fuck you. Seungcheol knows he’s being childish because you’re not doing anything wrong, and it’s not like he’s angry since it isn’t your fault that you’re so irresistible.

However, it is irritating that you fail to notice anything is wrong until Seungcheol is driving back to his place. His hands are gripping the steering wheel so tightly that the color is beginning to drain from his knuckles. You choose not to say anything for the time being, knowing that he won’t be able to keep his feelings repressed for much longer.

As usual, you’re right.

Still you don’t expect Seungcheol to immediately start kissing you while impatiently tugging at your dress. You let him, following him all the way to his bedroom. Part of you has an inkling of what’s causing him to act this way, but you shove the fleeting thought to the back of your mind just how Seungcheol shoves you on to his bed.

You feel like you can melt into the sheets with how Seungcheol is fucking you with his tongue. Your thighs are trembling beneath his hands, but he has no plans of releasing you yet. Not until you cream all over his tongue for the third time.

“Come on, baby.” Seungcheol groans into your quivering cunt. “Give me another one.”

He always does this, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t love it. All it takes is another skillful swipe of his tongue for you to come all over his face again. You’re a moaning, panting mess when Seungcheol sits up. He looks so fucking hot with your juices covering his mouth. The sight in front of you gets even better when he licks his lips like he’s just had the most delicious meal of his life.

“Cheol.” You mewl when he starts to tease your cunt with his leaking tip. “Please.”

“Look at you.” Seungcheol groans when his dick slides between your glistening folds. “So desperate for this cock.”

You hear the possessive undertone of his words, but at this point you’re too desperate and needy to really pay it the attention you should. All it does is turn you on even more.

“Don’t tease me.” You tell him with a pout.

He kisses the frown off your lips, successfully disorienting you once again. Seungcheol smirks when he pulls away and you chase his lips with a wanting mewl. Your whines are cut off when your best friend shoves his cock into you without warning.

“Seungcheol!”

The way you moan out his name makes his hips roll into yours with a carnal need. His fat cock is stretching you open, balls slapping against your ass with every thrust. Your arousal is dripping out of you and coating his entire cock, slowly dripping down to his sheets below.

All you can focus on is the way Seungcheol’s cock is fucking into you like you’re nothing more than a hole. Seungcheol’s dick is throbbing inside you wildly which makes you grin. His low moans and grunts make your pussy tighten around him impossibly until it’s almost hard for him to move.

“Cheollie.” You mewl when he angles his hips to hit the spongy spot inside you. “Fill me up.”

A white hot possessive feeling overcomes him at that moment. He can’t resist you when you’re looking at him with your fucked out eyes, mouth dropped open in pleasure. You’re so fucking pretty and good for him, and the thought of staining you with his cum and breeding you to brand you as his sounds all too appealing.

“Want my cum, baby?” Seungcheol coos softly, hips snapping harder than before. “Want me to fill you up and breed you?”

His words trigger your orgasm as you gasp out a desperate yes, yes, yes! Your cream coats his cock, staining it and marking it as yours. The erotic sight pushes him over the edge, your tight walls gripping him to milk him for all he’s worth.

“Fuck!” You moan, grinding your cunt up against Cheol’s pelvis as ropes of sticky cum shoot into you. “So fucking good!”

Seungcheol moans your name as he keeps thrusting into you sloppily, fucking his cum back into your cunt as deeply as he can. This carries on until his aching cock can’t stand the sensitivity any more. Your best friends lowly pulls out with a groan, cock twitching at the sight of your pretty pussy dripping with his cum.

You lick your lips, not ready to quit having your fun just yet. All you have to do is roll on your stomach and stick your ass out at Seungcheol to rile him up all over again. “Want more of your cum. Fill me up and show me who I belong to.”

He’s so turned on that he overlooks the fact that you’ve caught on to him. Seungcheol slams his throbbing cock back into your awaiting cunt. His hands grip your ass tightly, guiding you back and forth in his big dick until you’re screaming out for him to go harder.

“Gonna breed your cute little pussy all night, angel.” He groans. “Because you’re all mine.”

[fuckmeyer]

Wiggins!) the bizarre thing about the vampire men in the cullen family all seem to be at least subconsciously what Smeyer wants Bella to have but can’t seem to get over her initial vision of what she saw in her drafts or whatever. It’s odd that every single one of the Cullen men are like strongly devoted (but mostly devoid of personality because it’s so Bella centric) but when you compare them to Edward they seem interesting in some ways. Like Narratively we’re supposed to have this threat that Edward is constantly holding back from killer her but I don’t feel like we see that. Conversely, Jasper is constantly the one who is suffering about human smells and is the more vampire-like. But he’s also a glorified lap dog. So it’s like ‘oh he’s a monster but he’ll never hurt me” (things Alice has said out loud. Man even psychics slip up. I swear her powers weren’t so accurate until Smeyer needed an excuse for plot reasons)

Emmett feels like when some women say they like waifish guys because they don’t want to seem like they’re vapid for liking “big dudes with muscles” so of course you pair Emmett with the “shallow blonde”

Carlisle, I swear only exists so Edward has someone to model but I would also argue that he’s proto-Edward before whatever reworking she had to do when writing Twilight for a YA audience and brought him back as a different character.

Yeah a rant

hello again bestie Wiglet! (note to self: learn Photoshop so i can shop Jacob's bad wig onto a pic of Piglet)

this is such an interesting take! thanks for sharing. i totally see what you're saying. in all the Cullen men we see both a blend of softness & devotion *and*, interestingly enough, a patchwork of patriarchal ideas of what a man "should" be. & this idea comes to the forefront with the depiction of the love interests

smeyer wants us to see Edward as the chivalric gentlemen from the Days of Yore. we see this in the opening doors, the cutsey little romance taglines ("you are my life now," "look after my heart; i've left it with you," "so the lion fell in love" etc), the knight saving the damsel in distress, the expensive tokens of his affection, etc.

at the same time, in both Edward & Jacob we see the crude traits of the Patriarchy Dreamboat kinda guy. if i had to sum it up, it's like the guy you see in 80s movies. "bad boy." "opposites attract." he's a jerk. he's a hunk. he's domineering. he's allowed to show emotion only & especially if that emotion is anger. he's persistent in his efforts to get the girl, going so far as to kiss her without her consent if it's For a Good Cause (Edward in New Moon post-Volterra, Jacob in Eclipse). he's a cool guy who's In Control 👉😎👉

perhaps that's why the Twilight saga appealed so such a large swath of women & girls. the women, who grew up with the notion that they could have the true love of their dreams so long as they submitted to the patriarchal social contract, saw the contract being fulfilled in Edward. (i.e., "you can be the king if you treat me like a princess.")

on the other hand, the 90s/00s girlies who grew up in the midst of a feminist revolution & who could see the glimmer of a dismantled patriarchy on the horizon were attracted to Edward for the flashes of radical feminist love they saw: the unapologetic expressions of emotion, the honesty of him sharing his vulnerabilities & weaknesses, Bella's ability to override Edward's will when necessary, etc.

sorry, i know this isn't really the crux of the rant you submitted, but it is extremely interesting to see these contradictions playing out in all the male characters of the saga. it's almost like smeyer is having this internal debate with herself without even realizing it...

[scarlettriot]

I’m having brain rot therefore and I’m about to make it EVERYONE’S problem ♥️

TW: Almost cheating

Bestie!Eiji who’s been by your side for the last decade or so. He’s seen you through it all. Been there for whatever you need because you’re there for him in return.

There could be something more between you two but you’ve been with the same guy the entire duration of yours and Eiji’s friendship. No matter how many times the guy breaks your heart, the awful things he says, and the crappy things he does, you’re still with him after all this time.

Eijiro has lost count how many times you’ve cried on his shoulder. The times he’s carried you from his sofa and to his bed because you were having a hard enough time, you didn’t need a poor night of sleep on top of it. Or just how many bottles of alcohol the two of you put away in a single night because you just wanted to forget.

But, he’s kept his true feelings tucked away. He’s never let you see just how much he hates your boyfriend. He’s never let you hear the horrible things thinks about the pathetic excuse for a man. Katsuki knows, he had to tell someone, anyone, as long as it wasn’t you.

He’s able to keep it all inside until one night you’re out with him at the bar again, sitting in your usual spot and telling him about the latest reason why your boyfriend has brought tears to your beautiful eyes.

If he was your boyfriend, he’d never make you cry. Only happy tears would run down your cute cheeks. Or ones you’d shed out of pure pleasure…

“—would you just leave him already?”

Liquid courage in the form of many, many beers fueled his words.

“Excuse me?”

Had he been sober, he would’ve backtracked, would’ve kept himself from saying anything more. Then again, if he’d been sober, he wouldn’t have said anything so reckless in the first place.

“Break. Up. With. Him.” He made sure to punctuate every word but you just stared at him with wide eyes, still rimmed with tears and he just couldn’t take it anymore.

He reached up and cupped your face. He’d brushed away your tears before. Many, many times. This time however, when his thumb swipes away the droplet, he lets his hand stay there as his face inches closer to yours until your foreheads are resting against each other.

“Date me instead.” The three words are so quiet that had you been any further apart, you never would’ve heard them.

He never imagined he’d be the guy trying to take someone else’s girl but here he was. Hoping he could convince you. That you’d give him the chance. “Lemme give you the love he never has. Lemme give you that and so much more.”

Each sentence brought his lips closer to yours until he could feel them against his when he spoke. “One chance. One night. Lemme show you how good it can be…”

[jenyifer]

How to make Only Friends Sapphic

So jumping off of my previous post about the theory that BostonNick sharing clothes is one of the most lesbian coded things I can think of and checking Jojo’s Twitter and seeing this

I thought I’d give some suggestions as a girl lover myself. I think that BostonNick is already two steps away from being a lesbian couple. You ever played mind games with a girl who wants to “be free to explore her options”? And I can promise you Nick is barely a stalker in comparison to what me and my friends can do to someone we like. Nothing illegal persay but…. Questionable Stalking is done on both sides under the guise of “we have seen true crime and live online”. Nick and Boston already live together basically pre break up. I think they shared clothes and Boston was using Nick every time he felt too many emotions or insecure. I think this is part of the reason he kept bringing nick with him to events but I want to talk about that in its own post.

Now TopMew another super lesbian coupling. Mew is raised by lesbians so his underhand passive aggressive ways are very familiar. Top being in love with the competitive game of getting Mew or Boeing is also text book. Sometimes the chase is worth more than the capture. I also think as lesbians we try to prove our relationships are picture perfect for instagram we finally find someone to take on all those date ideas we saved off while single and lonely.

The couple you’d have to change the most is SandRay. As Severe Depression Panic Attack girlie myself I get good morning texts and good evening checks from my Ex everyday. It’s not out of love or anything it’s a bond we share so. Firstly Mew or Boston would be checking on Ray it doesn’t matter if he hides it or if he can’t stop drinking etc the “hello are you alive text or call” would be essential or a lesbian would call the cops or that one person who can knock knock on their door to check. Ray would also know all of Bostons one night stand stories simply because he’d check in with Boston the next day to make sure Boston hadn’t been kidnapped or raped. It’s common practice with my friends who are adventurous anyways. Second Sand would have moved in with Ray or moved Ray in with him. No buts ands or protests about it. There would be a uhaul involved. Nick would have been carrying the boxes too because see a sister in need who you crushing on “you can change them just get them under your roof”. I also think Ray being a sugar mommy on the DL would be a thing just replacing Sand’s shit with higher end things. Because he cares and then Sand pushing back. The confusion with Mew is 1000000% on brand for a lesbian relationship though. As I said my ex is my bestie and I can’t get rid of her she won’t let me. It’s a big reason why I don’t like talking about Mew because his attitude towards Ray feels like a mircoscope mirror at the moment and I hate it. But it’s common to stay besties with your ex as a lesbian we are eachothers chosen family we don’t abandon eachother. And yeah sometimes feelings stick around even if it’s not for the best. Even if it hurts new interests.

I think the most fascinating change would be the interaction of the girls because we get terribly involved in our friends business most of the time. Sometimes people fall off completely absorbed in their new flame but if you have a good group of girls they’ll pull you back to reality. Also Mew’s revenge on Boston would have been the stuff talked about in legends. Punishing someone in your chosen family goes hardcore mode real fast. I also think SandNick’s relationship is already Sapphic enough I mean… who hasn’t gone camping with their bestie to see the stars touch grass then kissed them found out yeah no feels there and snuggle cuddled to sleep. That is literally me sophomore year of college except we went to a reserve where there were gators in the lake and when we woke up and went the 2 min walk to the beach there they were waiting to eat us whole.

Also your gay guy friend in Cheum would have to be more prominent. ESPECIALLY IF CHEUM IS AN ATTACHED LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP GAY. Cheum would be all up in everyone’s business super judgy with Mew but always there. Cheum would plan things and Mew would make the others show up. I can just see Cheum’s eye roll at the weekly check in because Ray needs to be reminded of his friends and Cheum would understand that. Also Cheum and April would throw the best dinner parties with wine and messy gossip. Cheum and April would def leave everyone at the party but that would be expected.

Anyways I had fun imagining it I hope you had fun reading. I tried not to be mean to Mew again so hopefully I’ve achieved that tone. I really am trying to work on it. Reading other people’s meta interpretations has really helped. Thank you!!!

[inkwingsinc]

I've read the newest chapter and it is sooo good and not awkward at all. Honestly couldn’t think of your writing as anything but phenomenal, especially the smut chapters are so well written and seem so in character. No idea why you’d be questioning them, because I'm starving for every single word you put out that’s how good they are bestie.

Anyway you saying that this was the first chapter you wrote and that you had to edit it quite a bit made me wonder wether the direction you are taking rn with the story was always there or wether you’ve had mayor changes of mind whilst writing or just let it flow without much of an outline? It all seems to fit in so well, I would’ve never thought that you wrote this one first and had to make it fit into the other chapters later on.

Thank you for the encouragement! I really appreciate your kindness <3 Once I take off my "writer hat" and put on my "editor hat" everything goes to looneytunes. I essentially polish my chapters with circus music blaring in my head LOL. That said - I'm glad you liked it! I try my best.

I don't really write in a linear fashion (my chapters weren't technically written in order, kind of like how movie scenes are shot out of order) so sometimes I'm pulling passages from what I call the Monster Document where I add all my scenes. The plot always had a clear outline (I swear, it literally just materialized into being and haunted me until I made a bulleted list), but the characters themselves have changed as I've written them. Just for fun, here's a short list of things I've changed and are no longer true for my story:

Laera's original name wasn't Laera. It was Talya. I cannibalized an OC name from another one of my fics to name our girl.

Laera was going to kill Raya. It would have been an accident and it would have devastated her. This would have been her "catalyst" to go down another path.

I was going to include childhood flashback scenes to parallel Laera and Feyd's experiences. Note: I am a horror writer outside of fanfiction. I uhhhhh cut these pretty early because I want my fic to have a certain level of palatability. Feyd-Rautha didn't have a pretty childhood in my mind.

Feyd-Rautha was going to have more than just a fascination with Laera...he'd also have it bad for Walden too. Like, in the spice tank and all. I totally went there with some drafts.

The Paul Atreides/Laera Druegelle/Feyd-Rautha threesome. Yep. I wrote it. All six thousand words. This fic is always destined to meet Paul eventually and I couldn't deny the Feyd/Paul tension. It will never see the light of day LMAO

Thank you again for your message and for indulging me <3

[lv-iceprince]

@alaezasmystery235

hello my precious dear! thank you so much for sticking around and being a beautiful presence in my life. you are so much fun and you really are such a perfect enhypen updatee. but i do have to say you've been slipping! i had to find out about xo (only if you say yes) all by myself! regardless, i still love you a whole lot buddy <3 <3 <3

also can we speak about how iconic your playlist! it's literal art!

~general~

No I am not hearing it bestie. I know who your bias and bias wrecker are, but I am giving you Sunoo so accept it. I couldn't not give you him, again the vibes in your playlist are absolutely spectacular but I can feel the hints of sass in every single song, which by the way captures both of you perfectly. I won't deconstruct each song like I did before because it truly speaks for itself. You are so fun, so charming and precious and I feel like you need someone who amplifies that. I could have theoretically gone for Jungwon or Heeseung but at the heart of it I feel like Sunoo would find himself in a situation where he would feel a bit bashful about falling so hard and so quickly. It's easy to discredit him as being cute and sweet and so tiny when he makes it obvious that he has a huge crush on you.

Man he is so smiley for you, close your eyes and you can just about see it! This leads me to believe that you would have this whole nostalgic school kid type of love. One where despite you being so studious you just found yourself being pushed towards love. And Sunoo would be so smiley but also so confused that you were falling for him, even if he was by far one of the most charming people around you at the time.

The old school love is real and thriving in the way that Sunoo loves you in a way that is so true and deep. Both of you are relatively young but he practically views your relationship through the eyes of an old man. I don't think he goes as far as being all spiritual and soulmatey about it but he does believe that what you have is something that is special, it's also something that needs time. Quick analogy here, see your relationship as a little sprout, while it has gotten this far through love and daily attention it still needs more so that it may blooms in its entirety. However, this is the important thing to remember, you technically don't need to work on your relationship at all. Sunoo just loves going overboard when he showers you with love.

This really is the cutest relationship out there, you are each others rock. The support you have for one another has its roots in the fact that you were friends before any romantic feelings were involved. I mean most relationships aren't dependent on this being a factor, but this also makes your relationship that little bit sweeter.

You are always running around in his head, treating his mind like a treadmill. Each day he spends alone he wishes that you were there and you were close, not in a co-dependent way. He just really has gotten used to having you pop up somewhere unexpected, that's also something that carries this relationship istg. You will randomly bump into each other frequently, getting a smoothie, at the bank, in the doctors office, in a car park , like think of the most abstract place you could go, there's a 80/20 chance you will bump into Sunoo. In those moments he lives up to his name as he greets you with the brightest smile ever.

On the 20% chance that he doesn't miraculously see you out and about he sits in his room writing a song about the days he feels the most alive or he may even go and take a walk down memory lane and remember the words he had said when he had asked you out. and they go something like

"Kiss me, don't say no."

~moodboard~

ㅤㅤ~your song~

~shufflemancy reading~

It's black and cold as night I wish I was there with you by your side I don't know if I can sleep well tonight They tell me to keep movin' on Yeah, I'll never be the same But I know that deep in my heart I'll carry all the pain

[thedancingcockroach134]

Serious story from a Furrian (Furry and Therian)

"Furry Girl!", "Kill yourself!", "Awoo!", "Nobody wants you here! Nobody wants a Furry ass wetback like you!" More and more is told in front of my face or back every single day. This is sick and tiring, especially since they know that I have depression. School makes me being a Furry feel like I should be a closeted one. Only a few people respect me at school, but the whole 6th grade tells me very horrible stuff. I wonder what it's like to be appreciated and loved at school. I wonder what it's like to not be told to kill yourself and have so many friends. I wonder what it's like to not have been spreaded with rumors which caused me to almost get in a fight with something over something not true. I wonder what it's like to not be physically and verbally abused everyday. I wonder what it's like to not have an ex boyfriend that talks shit about you in front of people and forced you to sit on his lap. People at school know what I go through, most of them just don't care. People treat me like this for what? Because I'm a Furry and a Therian! People at school record me, post pictures of my other therian friend on Instagram, treat the 3 of us therian besties as shit for what? Being different and having different hobbies. I cry almost everyday at school, but I never tell my friends! My own friends! I one time got cornered by a group of boys and they were talking shit to me and asking me why I was a Furry and a "animal rapist". (They called me an animal rapist because I'm a Therian! Like, what the fuck?!) They were all laughing and one of them slapped me on the face. They did that while I was cornered! I almost get in fights for being a Furry and a Therian. Seriously, the boys were trying to jump me before just because I was a what? A Furry and a Therian. My math teacher embarrassed me in front of my class. She was using me as an example to a fraction problem and said "Now, Imma act like [My dead name]! The only thing I think of is animals and Furries!" Everyone was laughing at me and I almost cried. She knew what the hell she was fucking doing! I cried in my sleep because her sentence repeated over and over in my head, and so was other peoples. I just hate how society odds out specific hobbies, beliefs, or personalities.

Example:

Furrian: "Hello, friend!"

"Good" person: "Hello! What do you like to do?"

Furrian: "Oh, I'm a Furry and a Therian, so I like dressing up in my own anthropomorphic (did i spell it wrong?) character and I do quads-"

"Good" person: Oh! So you have sex with animals?! Bye! I hope you lose your virginity to an animal and die! Oh wait, you already did! Just go and die! Kill yourself!

Like, come on?! Are you really gonna start acting like that when you first encounter a Furrian? That shit is something I have to go through everyday. Trust me, in real life, it's sad. Guys, just don't bully furries or therians. Some of them could be suicidal and/or are depressed. I met a suicidal Furrian online. I helped them (It was a Non-Binary Furry and Therian) I just wish nobody ditched us for 2 specific or more things.