#blindspot fic

[hey-hamlet]

--

Overhaul crouched down, tilting his face up with a single gloved hand.

“I could remake you, you know.” His voice was soft, silk over steel.

“Would it be a mercy, to have a body once more untouched, to be clean again? Or would it just hurt more when you got forced back into the muck where you belonged?”

---

dont praise the all mighty: blindspot

[courfee]

some soft accidental tie switch jegulus for the fic blindspot

[rowenas-megacoven]

I’m scared for my lil guy Mobius on the timelines all by himself. What if some non-Kang related big bad who has managed to evade the reformed TVA’s watch and wants to control a bunch of timelines puts 2 and 2 together, realises that Möbius was a key player in helping establish Loki at the centre of the Yggdrasil (that Loki cares deeply about Mobius and visa versa) and comes after him in the hopes to oust Loki? Part of me feels like Mobius could handle it but Mobius doesn’t have big scary dog privileges anymore girlies, what with Loki being tangled up at the Citadel and it worries me. Sylvie is a slippery lil sword wielding snake (affectionate) who’s entire childhood WAS self-preservation and survival, she’ll be fine. B15, O.B and Casey are all somewhat afforded better protection from within the TVA but what about Mobius? He’s just a lil mourning retiree trying to make a new life for himself. What if danger finds him? I trust B15 to have some sort of protection and emergency measures in place for him but what if it’s not enough?

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Jason is Thor and the rest of the batfam get to play Loki role in "Get help" when they team up with Jason, even Bruce.

It worked best when it was Bruce. It used to be Dick, consummate actor, with his effective groans and alarmingly floppy limbs. While Jason was... away, the star role had passed to Tim, too skinny to be as effective in terms of flung mass, but more visibly pathetic and therefore a better lure for close combat.

But Jason was back now, and not just back, but back with the height and the brawn to usurp the order of things and steal himself a new role. And in the end, even Bruce had to cede to the data.

"You need to lay off the hoagies, B," Jason wheezed as he staggered forward, one arm clenched tightly around Bruce's waist.

Bruce didn't answer, for obvious reasons, but the arm slung around Jason's shoulder twitched, fingers pinching at the meat on the backside of Jason's armpit before falling loose again.

Even without words, Jason could hear Bruce's grumbled, Don't fat shame me.

Jason nearly dropped him out of spite, but their target was approaching rapidly, and he needed to focus.

Bruce was the best choice for Get Help for several reasons. First, he was Batman. He was infamous for being stupidly stubborn about medical care and his own limits. Batman wouldn't fake an injury. And second, he was Batman, and no one else was weird enough to make their own heartbeat change speed to a precise degree.

"Hood? What happened?!"

Jason wet his lips, sure his own racing heart would be mistaken for fear, not anticipation, but he didn't want to screw this up. Capture the Flag was a serious business, and they had a game to win.

[quaranmine]

firewatch au is an interesting story because mumbo is such an omnipresent non-character. it doesn't matter if i characterize him correctly or not, because his character isn't ever present to exert change in the story. the only thing that does matter is grian's rosy, absence-defined ideals about who his best friend was. every single thing we learn about mumbo is filtered through like 12 different layers of love and grief and denial until he's on a pedestal so high nobody can see the truth. his character is almost solely defined by what someone else says about him.

in doing this, grian also inadvertantly strips away all the little mistakes and mishaps that are part of mumbo's agency and part of him being a real person until he's perfect. and all this idolization ends up making it worse for grian in the end, because he actively avoids engaging in any theories that suggest mumbo might have made a mistake or gone astray. there's clear dissonance between reality—grian knows mumbo got lost and is searching for him—and the way grian lashes out at anyone who suggests something that clashes with the perfect ideal of mumbo in his head, including getting lost. mumbo should be a character in his own story, but grian won't let him be.

instead he wraps his desire to find mumbo into a weird sort of side quest where he's just as interested in finding someone else to blame as he is finding mumbo. he spends the same amount of time trying to figure out exactly where it all went wrong during the search as he does actually searching for mumbo—even after he knows the general area mumbo was last in! it's a puzzle and he can't put anything to rest until he solves it. he's trying to force logic into everything so he can cope with it. because if he doesn't find someone or something to blame, then he has to face the reality that sometimes things just don't make sense. if it makes sense, he can solve it and fix it. if it doesn't make sense...then he just has to live with it, and he doesn't think he can.

[villxinmiixx]

“Ten Rounds” part i.

Daveed Diggs x female! reader 

♡ reader is a well known singer, rafael invited forced daveed to come with him to a concert of hers and he's enamored of reader.

♡ warnings; all characters are 21+. rpf ( real person fiction ). sexual tension?? idk

♡ wc; 1.7k 

♡ notes; also i have a new writing format soo yeahhdeuf. the female named “imani” is intended to be black. feel free to change some things with your imagination. the song performed was sativa sung by jhené aiko ( you sang her parts ) and swae lee ( imani sang his parts ). 

ㅤTODAY WAS THE DAY OF YOUR COLLABORATION PERFORMANCE with you and your friend, imani (ee-mah-knee) her stage name being destiny. she is a great singer, but not as well known as you. you figured you can help her popularity and make people realize she’s a great singer by collaborating with her. imani was ecstatic when you invited her to a collab. soon enough the song “sativa” you both made went viral, and today was the performance for that song ( and the other songs you and she made. )

ㅤ“girl you do not know how excited i am for this shit!” imani was excitedly jumping around, her teal-green outfit making some ruffling noises, as you put your manicured hand in front of your lips as you laughed at her enthusiasm. “oh right! i heard that THE gOD FUCKING DAMN rafael casal will be in the vip section” imani grabbed your shoulders and shook you “isn’t he that actor? from blindspotting?” you asked your friend. “yeah, bitch!” she waved her hands around in excitement. “ didn’t he have a friend acting with him in blindspotting?” “yeah, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh daveed diggs!” imani snapped her fingers when she recalled his name. 

ㅤ“YO, RAFA WHAT’S UP?” daveed greeted his best friend that just busted open his door as he was splayed out on his own couch glancing at rafael and went back to his phone. “YO I GOT US SOME VIP TICKETS TO [STAGE NAME]’(S) PERFORMANCE TONIGHT.” rafael shouted at the top of his lungs. “huh” daveed looked up from his phone as he raised an eyebrow. “you don’t have a say in it, diggs. we goin’.” rafael smirked while waving around the gold tickets “get’cho ass ready, man!” he laughed and threw himself on the couch next to daveed. “man when does it even start” daveed inquired looking at his phone’s clock which showed 5:28 pm “thirty minutes.” rafael responded “..and how far is this concert?” daveed slowly looked at his friend as he questioned once more, squinting his eyes. “twenty minutes.” his best friend smiled. “this motherfucker..” daveed got up from his spot and quickly went to his closet grabbing a few clothes before rushing to the bathroom. 

ㅤ“so why’d you even get the tickets, man?” daveed asked, his hands on the steering wheel of the car. “dunno, heard [stage name] was cute so i wanted to check the real deal.” rafa huffed with laughter “you didn’t even search her up? the fuck, you didn’t even look who was on the website when you bought the tickets?” the dark skinned best friend deadpanned at the guy on the passenger seat. “hell nah! i wanted it to be a surprise and you better not look at the billboards!” daveed rolled his eyes before he chuckled. “alright fine. this better be good though, rafa.” “oh i know it’s good, at least that’s what i heard on tik tok.”

ㅤthe two arrived at the arena where the concert would be taking place, daveed parked the car, both men getting out of the vehicle and going to the VIP usher. where they got a stamp and went inside. they were escorted to their VIP seats. it was only a few minutes before the performance, a countdown on the large screen in front of everyone.

ㅤ“THERE’S SO MANY PEOPLE!” imani peeked out the curtain. “you’ll be the first one out there since the first verses are you, make sure to give it your all!” you smiled at imani, adjusting your costume. “yeah, i will! again, thank you so much for this opportunity, girl. i love you so much!” your friend hugged you tightly and you did as well. “girls, the show will start in one!” your manager called out. “just like we practiced, okay? i’m so proud of you!” imani nodded, before running to the elevating platform. the large screen counted down from five, the fans were screaming. “THREE! TWO! ONE!” 

ㅤ“yeah, oh, oh, yeah” the both of you sang, not showing up on the stage yet. the platform where imani was standing, started to rise up onto the main.  “why you make it so complicated? off the drink, we concentratin” your friend sang on the stage, her glittery green costume shimmering from the light focused on her.

ㅤ“IS THAT [STAGE NAME]?” daveed asked his friend next to him, rafael was about to shrug before a fan screamed “GO DESTINY!” “ah, it’s a collaboration performance.” daveed was getting into the beat, shifting around his seat and moving his body. it was really catchy, he had to admit. rafael followed suit. “is it hot in here or is it just me?” you came out from the red curtain in the middle of the stage, you sang in a rather sultry voice. people started screaming your stage name including imani’s. 

ㅤdaveed’s eyes widened pleasently, his eyes focused on you. “i said , now go and take a shot on me.” oh hell yeah, he was definitely going to do that ( sooner or later but not today ). “but i lasted ten rounds like a fre~ak like a g” you and imani started dancing along with the backup dancers. the way your body moved so swiftly, and your flirty attitude on stage just captivated the curly haired man. as you and imani sang there was a moment you looked into the crowd and saw daveed, you winked at him before you resumed looking at the other fans. 

ㅤ“holy shit, rafa did you see that?” “oh hell yeah, man. i saw that clearer than daylight!” rafa hyped his best friend up “we better go backstage later to meet her, dude!” “bruh, we can’t do that-” “trust me, she’ll be okay with it!” “alright fine.” daveed grinned as he shook his head gently. 

ㅤTHE SONG ENDED AND THE CROWD WENT WILD, screaming ‘i love you’ and stuff similar to that. “i’d like to thank [stage name] for this, if it wasn’t for her i really would’ve never been up here!” imani wrapped an arm around your shoulders before hugging you completely. “she’s the best, really!” “destiny, you absolute sweetheart! i just wanted people to see how much of a great singer you are!” you smiled at her. the people aww’ed at your friendship ( some even saying “they look cute together” something like that ) 

ㅤ“we’ll be taking a twenty minute intermission! feel free to leave your seats, get some snacks and drinks or take a look around the merchandise. make sure to not push anyone when leaving, and please be careful with the food! you might spill it!” you said before waving and walking backstage with imani. ”holy fucking shit, girl! at first i was so nervous but excited and when i finally got on the stage, OOOOOH girl, my confidence went up!” you giggled along with imani as she explained her first time singing live on stage. the knocking on your door hushed both of you.

ㅤ “[name], imani, two people wanna see both of ‘ya and i’m sure you wanna see these guys.” you can practically see the smile on your manager’s face despite not seeing her yourself. you looked at imani silently asking her if she wants to. “i mean- why not y’know?” she grinned. you raised a brow as you smirked before nudging her with your elbow. “alright, i’ll escort them here.” you removed an uncomfortable piece of your costume while imani was moving around and humming your guys’ song. after a minute or two you heard your door being knocked on again.

ㅤ”the door’s unlocked.” you call out. the door was opened by your manager and two ( hot ) men stepped inside. you were applying lipgloss and glanced at the two before smacking your lips “ oh, it’s you two.” you smiled up at them as you closed the container.  “daveed diggs and rafael casal, correct?” imani’s eyes shot up when she heard the two names being mentioned looking at the two men. she screamed “HOLY SHIT” before grabbing onto your arm “oh uhm! you can sit down on that couch over there!” and ran into a corner where they couldn’t see in their spot. your friend grabbed onto your shoulder blades and shook you. “what are they doing here?! let’s get their autographs! how old are they again? holy mother of- they’re so hot” imani was rambling.

ㅤyou giggled at her, telling her to calm down and breathe so she did. “seriously though, why are they here, girly?” “weren’t you the one that said you heard rafael casal will be coming?” “WELL I DIDN’T KNOW THEY’D ACTUALLY COME TO US PERSONALLY!” “let’s get to know them more, it wouldn’t hurt!” “alright, let’s go.” she grinned and you chuckled before the both of you leaving the corner to greet your two guests.

ㅤ”sorry for the wait, do you guys need anything? why’re you visiting us?” you questioned them, pouring water in two glasses and giving it to them. “ah, no nothing in particular. we just wanted to see the singers personally!” rafael exclaimed, nudging daveed’s upper arm. “uhhhh we wanted to ask if y’all wanna hang out after this or maybe sometime. both of ‘ya seem nice.” daveed said, smiling. “i’m down, how about you, destiny?” you asked your friend behind you that was reapplying some highlighter. 

ㅤ“hell yeah, i’m down!”  imani grinned at you, the two guys snickered from the couch. “uh yeah, girl, this ain’t gon’ work. it ain’t fair if ‘ya know our names but we don’t yours.” daveed smirked. “I'm not sure if i should be surprised or not that you guys don’t know. usually people would search it up themselves.” you said, placing a hand on your hip and smiled smugly. “i’m [name, last name]. she’s imani moore.” you pointed to your friend with your thumb. 

ㅤ”heyyo!” she smiled and posed a peace sign. “now we all know each other!” you beamed, and clasped your hands together. you looked at your phone’s clock and realized you and imani had two minutes to get on stage for your next song. “we gotta get ready for the upcoming track. let’s get some drinks after, yeah?” you said putting your hands behind your lower back “hell yeah, girl! we’ll come back here after the show or the next intermission.” rafael smiled at you and stood up to leave along with daveed and left.

ㅤbefore daveed could fully leave the room he glanced at you and you winked at him. he smirked and left the area. ‘he’s cute’ you thought and looked at your friend who was smugly looking at you. “i saw that.” “how-” “there's a mirror next to the door y’know.” “please shut up.”

ㅤ©𝘃𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘅𝗶𝗻𝗺𝗶𝗶𝘅𝘅 - 𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲𝗱. 𝗡𝗼 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗲𝗱, 𝗺𝗼𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗱, 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗶𝘁; 𝗿𝗲𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱.

[emmy-germany]

So, I just spent my whole Saturday reading ff‘s from @indelibleevidence and I could picture every single moment in my head, thanks to that incredibly good writing. I know it’s been years since you wrote and published them, but honestly: a big fat thanks to you and your ability to put your imagination into words that well.

A W E S O M E

That’s all I can say. Just perfectly awesome

[nachosncheezies]

Hummingbird? Raven? Tell me moooooore

Delighted to! :D From this game.

The Hummingbird and the Raven is set in the latter half of season 4 of Blindspot :D Before I joined tumblr, I had noticed that Avery has a necklace of a hummingbird, and well... Romulus, Remus, augury, Jane's tattoo, etc etc.... there's just a lot of avian imagery kicking around this family, right? I know I'm not remotely the only person who noticed or inferred a connection - there's a post around here somewhere, from before my time, with pictures and everything (I think it might have been Yas', and so the original is probably sadly lost).

Anyway, in my story, Avery's back to New York for a visit, and with her Remories restored, Jane recognizes the necklace. It was a gift from Avery's birth father to Remi, before Shepherd did whatever she did to make him disappear, and it was lost around the same time. She puts two and two together that Rossi must have stolen the necklace for Avery so she'd have a connection. Then flashback to the past, where it's Z-minus a few days, and Remi's a little messed up about the things she's about to forget. The raven tattoo is actually (surprise!) suggested by Roman as an homage, and mayyyybe as a tiny bit of secret, rebellious "fuck you" from both of them to Shepherd over the whole thing. But they both know you gotta hide the things you love, and that subject especially is forbidden, so... a raven, the bird they could sell to Shepherd on the mythology, as if it were an homage to the family. But Roman will remember for her what it's really for.

So Avery gets to learn a little more about Jane, and that she was really not just "abandoned". Honestly mostly it's just the ending that's kept it unpublished, I can't find one I'm happy with 😅

[elocinnicole]

Live Stream

Pairing: Collin Hoskins x OFC Black!Reader (Shauna Lewis) Rating: 18+ M for language, implied smut, praise kink (very slight, if you blink you might miss it) Summary: Shauna is live streaming her makeup routine when Collin makes an appearance. Requested: No, just a quick Drabble. I missed my favorite Pairing especially since I’ve been looking at Season 2 of Blindspotting. Word Count: 688

“Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the love! Keep sending in what look y’all want to see next. This was requested by one of my followers, they want a soft glam date night look. Which is perfect because my man is taking me out tonight.” Shauna smiled

Shauna started doing live streams and tutorials during the Lockdown when she couldn’t do hair. She quickly gained a decent following from her clients and then when she did the don’t rush challenge by herself she went viral. Her video gained almost a million views and was shared all over social media. Now that the pandemic is over, she still posts videos but now they’re of her doing her clients' hair or makeup. Occasionally she’ll live stream either herself or she has a client in her chair. For the most part, when she’s live streaming she’s by herself showing a makeup look, hairstyle, and most recently an outfit.

“So I’m gonna do my makeup, my hair is already done, I installed this wig yesterday and I will be posting that video on my YouTube—will I ever stream on YouTube? Probably not, I like using TikTok to stream. Who does your lashes? Me, girl! If you in Oakland come get lased by ya girl Shauna. Alright, let’s get started on these brows. Remember your eyebrows are cousins, not twins.”

Collin walked into your shared apartment after having dropped Zan off with Ashley and Sean. He has been planning this date night for months but either he had to work late, Shauna has a client, or nobody could watch Zan. Not that Collin and Shauna didn’t mind going out with Zan but sometimes they wanted to spend time together as a couple. He saw the bedroom door open which usually meant Shauna was recording content to post later on. Collin typically didn’t bother you when you were recording mainly when you were streaming, but if you were just recording a routine, Collin would at least say hi, knowing that you could edit it out.

“Alright, so here is the final look, like I said you don’t have to wear this exact outfit but this is the perfect date night look. I got this dress from Cider, the shoes, purse, and jewelry from Amazon. Don’t break ya wallet ladies, it’s not that serious. Oh, hey babe!” Shauna smiled seeing Collin standing in the doorway.

“Hey, baby.” Collin entered the room and kissed you gently, being sure not to mess up your makeup.

“How was your day?”

“Good, I’m gonna hop in the shower real quick, get changed, and we can head out. You gonna be done by then?”

“Yeah, I’m almost done. I’m not gonna post until tomorrow.” Shauna blushed at the way Collin was looking at her. Well, he didn’t have to do much to make her blush in the first place.

“I love your make up Shauna, it looks really good. I know you put a lot of time and effort into it.” Shauna smiled bashfully at the praise

“Thank you, Collin.” Then Shauna saw a familiar glint in his eyes. Before she could stop him, Collin wrapped his hand around Shauna’s neck causing her to crane her head up at him.

“I can’t wait to mess it up later,” He said huskily Shauna went wide-eyed

“Collin! I’m recording,”

“You can edit it out,” He replied grabbing Shauna by her waist and pulling her closer

“It’s live!” She stressed

“Huh?”

“I’m live right now!” Not believing her, Collin got closer, and sure enough almost 2,000 people saw and heard the whole exchange. Many people in the comments were sending laugh emojis or commenting on how cute the two of them are.

“Oh shit,” He mumbled Shauna started to playfully nudge Collin out of the bedroom. “What up y’all.”

“You about to get me shadowbanned! Go get ready.” Shauna closed the bedroom door and went back to her stream

“Alright, everyone, here’s the look I’ll post pictures on my Instagram. As you’ve seen and heard, I got some things to do. See y’all later! Bye!” sshhauna.lewis has ended the Live Stream

Tagging: @nikole-witha-k @blackpinup22 @iknowthekoolaidflavor @wreakhavoconmacroissantdiggs @ramp-it-up @daveeds-wife @chattykathysquietsister @mellie-teh-goblin-queen @azxulaa @endless-romantic-stories @chrisevanswife0405 @gothic-slasherfan-weeb @pinkbonnetandglasses @cocobutterbaby @moxleys-fav @aonungmyaddiction

[courfee]

i did not expect a lecture for mechanical engineering to point out a plot hole in my gay marauders fanfiction but here we are

[narvaldetierra]

Sleep is overrated

Summary: Tasha is concerned that Patterson hasn't slept for the past three days. AKA Three nights Patterson didn't sleep and the one she did.

Tags: Established Relationship. Self Sleep Deprivation. Mention of Visual Hallucination. Do not try this at home. Words: 3486 A/N: I came up with this idea a long time ago, after watching episode 3x20 when Reade sends everybody home except for Patterson. And we already saw that Kurt had to tell her to go back to her apartment to rest, so here I am. But this story is settled somewhere in season 3, before the dragonfly tattoo and after they caught Hirst. Acknowledgments: I want to take this space to thank @nachosncheeze for being my beta reader in this work and helping me to improve the translation. Without you, this wouldn't be as beautiful as it is. So thank you 💖

1.

Like every software engineer, Patterson knew two basic truths: coffee is needed to exist and sleep is overrated. She could spend entire nights awake and working, she had done it before and those had turned out to be very productive nights. Like those nights working on her science projects in middle school, or like when it was exam season at college. She had done it for this job before too, especially since Jane had appeared in that bag in the middle of Times Square.

It wasn't something that bothered her. In fact, she really enjoyed working at night, when the lab was almost empty and silence reigned. It was much easier to concentrate that way, with no one rushing her, yelling to type faster on a code she was making up on the spot, in an unprecedented, tense situation. Patterson loved her team, they were her family and she would do anything for them, but when they yelled over her shoulder telling her how to do her work, she wished they would leave.

Thus she wanted to use the silence of the night for better concentration. She could feel the pressure coming from Reade to find Roman's location and couldn't blame him, several weeks had passed since the team had gotten back together and so far they had only done what Roman wanted them to do: racing after every tattoo, like donkeys chasing a carrot. That needed to stop. She needed to find something that would at least help them understand Roman's full plan.

As time went by, she took one and two, and three coffees. She walked around the lab to make sure to keep her circulatory system active and thus ensure that her brain was well-oxygenated and kept her alert. "Come on! You can do it!" she said to herself gesticulating with her hands in the air, "You were part of the three blind mice, you are not hacking illegally again, but you can find something that lead to Roman! You've done this too long to give up." She let out a sigh, grateful that no one had been present to hear her talking to herself, then went back to the search as if nothing had happened. 

When it was 5 am she decided to take a shower before the day shift agents arrived, she was sure it would clear her head. And she wasn't wrong at all. Before getting out of the shower, she turned off the hot water so that only cold, icy water would come out to wake her. It was a trick she had learned in college: the ice water in contact with the skin works as a shock to the body, which, under such stress, increases the heart rate, thus increasing blood circulation and releasing adrenaline. In that precise instant, her mind went blank and that's when she realized how to decode a specific tattoo.

2.

After a new day of work, the team had solved another tattoo. They should have been pleased to have done it in record time, but they weren't closer to catching Roman or Crawford. Patterson was beginning to feel frustrated, like when she found a puzzle that couldn't solve and spent days obsessing over a solution. 

That's why she decided to spend another night in the lab, working in that beautiful silence, which had proved to be quite useful. She was sure it could be again, after a very much-needed coffee. A few hours ago she still had that false extra energy caused by the excess dopamine. Now that feeling had faded away and she felt so cold.

She wasn't planning to stay the whole night, just enough to get a lead. However, when she walked into the lab with her steaming mug, her smile faded away when she saw that Rich was also there.

"Oh! Patty Cakes! Welcome to the night shift. What brings you here?" he asked in his characteristic playful mood.

"What are you doing here Rich?"

"Ah, ah, ah… I asked first."

Patterson rolled her eyes and put the mug down on a table near the terminal she decided to work on. "I wanted to advance some work."

"Oh? Yeah… me too. That's what I was doing here… by no means did I forget to do that absurdly boring paperwork they ask for after every mission. I keep those things up to date. Apparently, it's a big deal. Did you know that?"

"Rich, how long has it been since you submitted your paperwork?"

"Maybe two or three–"

"Days?"

"Weeks."

"Rich!"

"I know, I know. That's why I'm here this late. Jeez! You don't have to give me a lecture about it."

"I– I wasn't– ugh," she didn't care enough to say anything else about it.

For the next five minutes, they remained silent, each one concentrating on their stuff. Until Rich's ADHD appeared.

"Do you mind if I play music?" he asked and, without really waiting for an answer, he pressed play. He didn't really care, he needed the background noise, plus it would make the tedious task of paperwork more entertaining.

"No, I guess–" she covered a yawn that interrupted her, "I guess it's ok," she looked away from the screen for just a second and went back to what she was doing.

The playlist was something without any kind of coherence, the most diverse songs were playing, going from a soft melody to an energetic song that sounded too loud for a workspace. There were just the two of them in the lab, and neither of them should have been in there that late. She was already tired, so Patterson tried not to pay attention and kept working.

"I'm hungry. Have you had dinner yet?" Rich asked after a couple of minutes. 

"Not yet," Patterson replied without even looking up, focused on what she was doing.

"Shall we order pizza?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Oh, wait, I already ate pizza this week," he thought about it for a minute, then he just shrugged "I don't care, I like pizza. Do you want me to order?"

"Rich, I’m trying to concentrate here."

“Sorry, I won’t interrupt you anymore. Just– tell me what kind of pizza you like.” Patterson stared at him in silence, wanting him quiet for once. “Or don’t. Doesn’t matter. I’ll order you a cheese one, everyone likes cheese, or they should.”

Music kept playing, and they went back to work. For a few more minutes Patterson was able to work quietly, although she had a feeling that this was going to be a long, long night with Rich. When her coffee was empty, she looked for a blanket scarf to wear. She had just returned to her terminal when Rich arrived with a few boxes of pizza.

"Dinner is here!"

That was when Patterson understood that she had two options: go back to her apartment or stay the whole night there, dealing with Rich. As tempting as the idea of going to bed was, she couldn't give up so soon. So she stayed, grateful to have more than one change of clothes in her locker.

3.

That day wasn't as exciting as the previous one, but they were able to get some encrypted files that could be of interest in Crawford's case. Thus, the team had a status meeting at the end of the day.

"Patterson, how long do you think it will take you to decode those files?" Reade asked.

"I'm not sure, looks like complex encryption. Maybe a few hours… or maybe all night."

"Alright, get on with it. The rest of you, go home to rest." Then Reade left the lab. He still had paperwork to finish before going home.

Jane and Kurt left as well, talking about dinner. After a long day, they all were tired and, unaware of Patterson's situation, they just wished her a quiet night, so she could solve it quickly enough. One by one, the lab technicians left too, until there was just Patterson and Tasha, who refused to leave her alone.

"It's ok, you don't have to stay, you can go home," Patterson said as she kept typing.

"Perhaps I can't exactly be helpful, but I can keep you company. Besides, you still need to eat and it has been several days since we had dinner together."

"I know, I'm sorry. It's been a long week, with so much work–"

"You don't need to apologize, just pick something to order for dinner."

"Right now, I could use a coffee," Patterson said and covered a yawn with her right hand. She was exhausted and had no idea where she was getting enough energy to keep working.

"Dinner first, coffee later. And don't you dare to say Go-Gurt."

"Fine," she reluctantly agreed, but when she reached out to take the menu Tasha was offering, her hand-eye coordination failed. She thought she was grabbing the menu, but her hand closed right next to it, in the air. Patterson ran the tip of her tongue over her lower lip nervously and hurriedly grabbed the menu, pretending that nothing had happened, but it wasn't enough to fool Tasha.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" she turned and took a few casual steps as she looked at the menu.

"Wait– Patterson how long have you not slept?"

"So, do you prefer Chinese or Thai?" She attempted to change the conversation and picked up her phone, pretending to look for more options to eat.

"Patterson! You promised you wouldn't do that anymore!" 

"I'm ok, it's nothing I can't handle. Besides, you all need me here at the lab."

"But we need you healthy, rested, lucid."

"I know, I know. It's just– one thing led to another." Those were very poor excuses, she wasn't even trying, was too tired for that. "Look, I'll finish this thing Reade asked me to do, and then I'll go to sleep, ok?"

"You should go to sleep right now." 

"Tash, I mean it, I don't want to argue about it now. We can eat dinner together or we can talk about my sleep schedules, but we can't do both, I need to finish this."

Tasha remained silent for a moment, watching her, unable to believe what she was hearing. "I prefer Indian." She decided that it wasn't the moment to have that conversation, but it wouldn't be something she'd let go of that easily.

"Thanks," was all Patterson had to say. Then she ordered the food and went back to her computer to continue typing.

The next few minutes were spent in silence. Words were only exchanged when Patterson reached an impasse and had to find a new approach to get better results, and only turned away from the screen when Tasha returned with their food.

They ate the first few bites quietly until Tasha said "This isn't urgent enough to go without sleep for–" she realized she didn't know - "I don't even want to know how long."

"What if it is?" she hurried to swallow the food to answer, "What if by not decoding this in time, we miss the opportunity to prevent something bad from happening?"

"Is that what kept you awake?"

"No! Yes. Maybe– I don't know! I just know that what we do here is important, there is no space for mistakes."

"That's why you should sleep. You have a giant team of people trained to get the job done, to help you, and complete the tasks while you rest. You need to trust in them."

"I do!"

"Then learn to delegate." Tasha let out a sigh and set the food aside. She approached Patterson and took her hands in hers. "Honey, I'm not looking for a fight, I just want you to take better care of yourself, and have regular periods of sleep so that you can continue doing what you love to do."

"I know…" she admitted.

"I won't insist anymore this time, let's have dinner in peace, finish with the task assigned to you and I'll take you home to rest. But promise, truly and sincerely, that you will not do it again."

"I promise." A soft smile appeared on Patterson's lips and she moved closer to kiss her. 

"Now… could you tell me how many nights you spent here? I promise I won't get mad."

"Hmm…" she hesitated for a moment, and in a barely audible voice said, "This is the third one."

Tasha had to make a great effort to restrain herself from saying anything about it, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, "Can I try some of your food?" she asked with a smile. Then she preferred to change the conversation to keep her promise.

The rest of the night Tasha focused on helping Patterson in any way she could. She wasn't an expert in coding and she knew little about encryption, but she had some basic knowledge, so she could at least take care of minor tasks. As the hours went by Tasha noticed that the blonde's yawns became more frequent, she even saw her nodding off on one or two occasions. The brunette had to hold back to keep her promise and let Patterson finish the job before taking her home to rest.

+1

By the time the team arrived at the lab, Patterson and Tasha were a continuous yawning machine, although they managed to disguise them quite successfully. In their hands was the third cup of coffee of the day, which no longer seemed to have enough effect on Patterson. The blond felt just as tired but with rapid heartbeats due to the caffeine.

Patterson explained, without much interest, how they were able to decode the files. Then she gave them some coordinates from three places related to the new tattoos on Jane's body.

The team departed with a clear mission, leaving Patterson and Rich. They would assist the team remotely, as they always did, providing additional information about the sites they had been sent.

Stepping out into the hallway, Tasha let Jane and Weller go ahead and took Reade aside so they could talk alone.

“You need to send Patterson home,” she said seriously, steering right into his eyes.

“What? The day is just beginning, we need her here.” 

“No. Reade. You NEED to send Patterson home.” She emphasized each word individually to make it clear how serious she was about it. “I know how much we need her, as much as I know you haven't slept well these past days. But Patterson has been awake for four days now.”

“That's not true, she–”

“She won't say anything because she is a workaholic and is determined to find something that gives us the advantage we need. You won't notice it on her face either because she does magic with her makeup. Still, you have to do something about it.” Both were silent for a moment. Tasha took a deep breath and got closer to him. Softening her voice, she added, “Look, I know you hate being compared with Weller but, when he was in charge, he learned the hard way that he had to watch over Patterson's rest periods. Because when she gets obsessed with something, she forgets about anything else. Even eating and sleep become irrelevant for her.”

Reade stared at her, pondering her words. He knew Patterson used to get obsessed over work, but he hadn't really thought it was that big of a deal. He look at Patterson through the window in the lab door, she was writing some numbers on a glass board. Then he felt bad for ordering her to stay the night to work, though he had no regrets if that had brought them any closer to Roman. 

“Listen, you don't have to send her home right now. But unless you want her to collapse in the middle of the lab, you'll do it as soon as her speech becomes erratic or her hands have a tremor.”

“Ok, I'll keep an eye over her,” he finally agreed. Noticing that Tasha was not pleased he added, “I'll be sure to send her home to rest. And then she'll have two days off.”

With a soft nod and a smile, Tasha thanked her friend for taking her words. He was the boss and call the shots, but she would take care of Patterson, especially when the blond didn't do it herself. Then she left to find Weller and Jane. 

The hours seemed to pass slower than any other day. By noon, Patterson could have sworn it was already 7 pm. She couldn't drink any more coffee, she wasn't hungry either. Everything she tried to do, took her double of time. She was cranky too.

Rich intercepted Tasha as soon as she got to the lab.

"I think something is wrong with Pattycakes."

"What? What happened?" She looked over, worried. Patterson was talking to Afreen.

"She's been a little moody. Not that I complain about it, it was a little fun. But I noticed her hands shaking too. Her handwriting is unreadable today."

"I'll take care of it."

"Is she on drugs?"

"What? Of course not!" She approached Rich to get a confident talk, "Look, she hadn't slept well. Reade is aware of this, there's no need for the lab team to know it too. Ok? You'll have to be in charge for the rest of the day."

Rich's eyes had a sparkle in them that terrified Tasha, but she was sure the team could handle anything he did.

"Hi honey," Tasha said approaching Patterson, "I think it's time."

"Oh, hi. Time for what?"

"To go home."

“I'm fine, you don't have to worry, ok?” 

"I know you think that you are, but I've seen you like this before. I still remember when you collapsed from trying to stop Sandstorm too.” 

“Well, that wasn't because of a lack of sleep, I had a radiotransm–”

“You hadn't even eaten that time,” Tasha insisted. She was sure that Patterson's collapse hadn't been only because of that transmitter. But that wasn't important now. “You are a super genius, but you still need to sleep. So take your stuff, we're leaving.”

Patterson didn't have the energy to keep arguing with Tasha and, although she might never tell her, deep down she liked that she cared for her that much. She left what she was doing in Afreen's hands, grabbed her things, and followed Tasha down the halls.

While they waited for the elevator, Tasha saw Reade in his office and just with signs, she told him that she was leaving with Patterson, as they had agreed earlier.

During the short car ride, the little energy that remained in Patterson's body faded away. It took her a lot of concentration to keep her eyes open. Her yawning became uncontrollable. Patterson's body seemed heavier but her mind couldn't rest yet. Somehow she kept seeing Jane's luminescent tattoos floating in the air around her. She had read about hallucinations caused by sleep deprivation before, but it felt weird to experience them.

“You can take a nap if you want. I'll wake you when we get there.”

The blonde shook her head and turned her gaze away following a floating tattoo with the shape of a flaming rose. Patterson's mind, obsessed with solving puzzles, made a series of theories about the reasons why her subconscious bring up that particular tattoo. But before she was capable to make any logical conclusion, they arrived at Tasha's apartment.

After a failed attempt to get out of the car, Tasha hurried to help Patterson to stand up. It was clear that her coordination was failing. She was sleep-drunk enough that climbing a stairway became a challenge. Tasha was sure she had managed to get Patterson to her apartment, just in the nick of time to prevent her from collapsing.

“I'll find you something more comfortable so you can rest better," Tasha offered when they got to the bedroom. She sat Patterson on the bed and made sure she was safe before leaving for the dressing room.

The blonde leaned back, lying crosswise in the middle of the bed. Her feet were still on the ground. She hadn't even taken off her boots. Resting her back on a soft, cushioned surface seemed like a divine pleasure. Patterson hadn't realized how much her body needed to rest until she did.

Tasha returned with a gray T-shirt and plaid pants for Patterson, only to find her deeply asleep. She shook her head, sighing in resignation. Then she took off Patterson's boots and changed out of her pants for the pajamas. She placed the blond on the bed with her head against the pillow and covered her with a blanket. Tasha closed the curtains to create a better resting environment. Finally, after changing her clothes, she lay down next to Patterson. Tasha hugged her, becoming the big spoon, and stroked her hair until she also fell asleep.

(Read it on AO3 too)

[ladyriot]

Underrated Friendship: Jane & Patterson in Blindspot Season 1

Patterson as Jane's First Gentle Interaction (1x01)

Patterson Assures Jane She has a Place on the Team (1x03)

Jane Takes Care of Drunk Patterson (1x08)

Their Party Interaction & the David Call (1x09)

This 'Something in Me Sees Something in You' Moment Post Finding David's Killer (1x10)

The Waterman Rescue (1x17)

The Tattoo Removal Conversation while Sparring (1x21)

[ghostknightfool]

played the creme de la creme IF and had a lot of fun! I did a little doodle page of my mc, so now introducing you to Nye Graythorne (they/them), world’s sternest jock

I highly rec checking out cdlc if you like boarding school stories and text adventures! one thing i was really impressed by was the text to button press ratio. i think its really hard to get the right amount of text chunks per “page” in IF because a lot of the time IF players will have a lower tolerance for how much they want to read before getting to interact with the story compared to a novel. While playing I never once got reading fatigue, and while part of that was the great writing, part of it was also mastery of when to include choices (which is part of good IF writing but i think often its perceived as a separate thing).

[idanit]

Beyond Evil fic recs

I watched Beyond Evil, tripped, learned hangul, and inhaled most of the BE AO3 tag. These are some of the stories I enjoyed, paired with slightly edited excerpts from my private fic reading notes and/or my AO3 comments. Mind the summaries and the tags!

General and Teen

one good movie kiss Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik; Lee Dong Sik & Park Jung Je, Yoo Jae Yi, Lee Sang Yeob Wow, I love it? I'm into each and every section of this so far, they’re all good in different ways. (...) Unexpectedly, I really like the Jae Yi scene. I didn't know I needed to see her and Dongsik scrubbing the windows of her shop off insults. She was so in character, too. And I love Dongsik's POV in all of these. (...) I really loved seeing Dongsik struggle with voicing  — no, realising  — what he wants.

the way home Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Good dialogues. I can picture the scenes and their expressions. (...) This is slow and good and aching (...) It aches with the weight of the twenty years. (...) A recovery-after-hurt fic. (...) Loving someone middle-aged, having so much to learn about them. (...) I read this one in a daze. I hope there are other similarly good get-together fics that explore grief and trauma out there. (...) These characterisations were really good except for a few beats I disgreed with.

see the light is bright as ever Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Bedsharing in a guest house because of phone reception reasons. Gentle talk, tears, tension, anger, guilt, affection, all of it.

call you out on your contrarian shit Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Ohh, I liked this one. The voice is a bit restrained, in a good way. The characterisations are recognizable. Dongsik gets into his head that Joowon should date someone younger, but Joowon's mind is set. Melons are eaten at a lake house. Tea is drunk. A sleepy conversation is had.

rome wasn't built in one day. Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik This starts out really dark, wow. Dongsik's POV. It leans into their shared trauma as their bond, into what I would almost call codependence (...). I'm intrigued. (...) It's very tasty to see them so scared of losing the other that they won't talk about ANYTHING even as they start to live together. (...) This is so painful. They're insane, they're the worst. (...) There was something satisfying about this unnecessarily dark take on their get-together.

The Human Heart Is Hungry Still Han Ju Won&/Lee Dong Sik Very slice-of-lifey (...) It was such a slow, gentle story, and I enjoyed its subtle emotional threading a lot. (...) Joowon and Dongsik go to a hardware store together and I am happy about it. (...) It's pre-relationship and it lays the ground for it very well, in a very understated way, in charmingly small things, a touch here, a thought there. (...) And everyone else is here! (...) It was obvious that you gave a lot of thought to what would happen to everyone post-canon, and that you've done your research. Manyang felt like a real, lived-in town and everyone's lives and circumstances interconnected in really satisfying, believable ways.

still there inside my chest Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik One of these slow, soft, radiant get-together fics with (...) smooth, transparent writing. Joowon keeps coming to Manyang, they visit Dongsik's mother, there's the butcher shop (...), you know the drill.

grounding Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik The only one bed trope. I love that the case that stranded them in the storm-surrounded inn was something that reminded Dongsik of Minjeong and that this is what they kept thinking about and the reason Joowon tried to provide some comfort (handholding!). I like how annoyed they still find each other, I like that this is mid-canon.

Offering Han Ju Won&Lee Dong Sik Oh, an actually good fic? (...) Joowon collapses at the station, his bloody hands and all. Dongsik cleans them for him, then drives him to his apartment. It's still the Hurting Joowon genre, but it was good hurt/comfort, honestly. In character, competent writing. That's all I need — so little, but apparently so much.

if you say it with your hands Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Aching, aching! Good. I walked into it not expecting borderline sexual content, but I got the most beautiful scene of the sex Not Happening that I have in recent memory. Joowon lets go of his need to control bit by bit, but he's not there yet. All is good.

Family Jewels Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik, Han Ju Won & Lee Su Yeon There's something poetically satisfying in the idea of making Joo Won's mum be still alive in a canon where so many disappearances turned out to be deaths. A reversal. How will these people deal with it? (…) the writing is pretty good. In an understated sort of way. (...) good descriptions. (...) Radiant! Queer! Joy! (...) I like how Joowon and his mother meet as two people more than as mother and son. Healing. This author truly knows what they would need.

yours to keep Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Going shopping to a posh store together, Dongsik asking Juwon about his childhood, nice. (...) Yep, this section was very satisfying. (...) I kinda like the scene. It's... pulled out a bit. Quite matter-of-fact, very we-don't-talk-about-it. (...) Alright, I like this Dongsik voice. (...) The theme is loving/living in a "normal" way, which I enjoy.

i don’t know much about gentleness, but i will protect you from now on. Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik This was about Dongsik going to jail, then to Hokkaido, then back to Manyang, where he reopens Jinmook's store, all the while feeling like he's a ghost, or like he's being haunted by ghosts. Juwon moves in with him for two weeks, which I loved, obviously. Then he stays. (...) it had multiple scenes that brought me a lot of satisfaction.

Mature and Explicit

a safe place to go mad Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik What an emotionally excruciating setup. Making Han Joo Won kill a person in a car accident, her shins breaking? (...) This disassociated writing style doesn't feel overdramatic at all. This would, in fact, break Joo Won. (...) Dongsik is literally so perfect here. (...) I loved Joowon comparing himself to his mother and his father as he goes through different stages of traumatic response. This was so good! I love how you write them, I love how in character they are as they're put through trauma, disassociation, arguments and softness (...). It was great to see how Dongsik is a perfect match for a distraught Joowon, since he knows exactly how to take down his emotional outbursts and his half-baked logic, step by step. No one else could have done that for him. And the softness of the last chapter is a balm to the soul.

Resonant Frequency Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Ah, this is so good. (...) I believe in their established relationship here. It's easy to see them like that. (...) This is such good character work. Nuanced and in-depth; can we get more of this in fics. (...) some good imagery (...) This is a GOOD CASE wow (...) I'm actually invested, and it already pulled a few twists on me. (...) Juwon trying to be kind. The case from fourteen years ago, and how it resonated with Dongsik's history and Juwon's guilt. Dongsik under Juwon's skin, hurting so bad and so beautifully. There is a lot to love here. (...) I really enjoyed Chief Moon. I liked how deep you get into the characters, all the surprising little lines that feel extremely right (...) The two of them are so different (the contrast between their reactions to spending some time in a club was excellent), and yet they fit together so, so well.

Hook, Line, and Sinker Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik It's quite well-written. (...) I totally believe in a Juwon who, captured, feels mostly resigned. (...) This is really digging into Dongsik and how he would have reacted to yet another important person in his life going missing/dead. (...) I believe in Dongsik getting angry at Juwon who doesn’t seem to care about his own wellbeing, and this leading into a discussion of feelings. This fic really sold me on the „no more time” angle. (...) This is satisfying.

And Each and Every Time, for You Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik I like this one (...), it has good dialogue and they feel in character. (...) well-written, funny. (...) Absolutely pitch perfect Dongsik voice so far. (...) It feels so good to be in the hands of a decent storyteller again. I don't have to watch out for bad punctuation and clunky structure. I can just enjoy the ride. (...) The author can write shouty arguments too??? yessss (...) Perfect dialogue. (...) This sex scene was remarkably in character. The best erotic writing is when the characters don't turn into paper figurines, don't stop existing because the author wants to write a sex scene in that moment; it's when their personalities are amplified, not erased by the act (...), and we can see how they're themselves in this different context. I love to see it. (...) The way they talk, what they do, what, how and why they want, it's all gloriously them.

Splinters Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik, Min Jeung/Jae Yi/Ji Hun Why is this fic so perfect. It has literally done nothing wrong. (…) I love authors who really think about what they have at their hands and slot things together in unexpected, but inspired ways. This brought me so much joy! Your characterisations are absolutely spot-on. I instantly fell in love with this Min-jeong and her narrative voice, and then adored the dynamic she's had with everyone, particularly Ju-won and Jae-yi. You've made so many inspired little choices here, like having Min-jeong talk about her trauma with Ju-won, of all people (...). It was just a pleasure to read. (...) Your writing is very smooth, funny and poignant in turn. (...) Also, you just went and singlehandedly created the Min-jeong/Ji-hun/Jae-ji ship, which is quite out there, but, to my surprise, I was very into it.

Not Tomorrow Kang Min Jung & Lee Dong Sik This was a pretty good fic and the study of the relationship between Dongsik and Minjung that I wanted to read. (...) So eerie to watch Jinmook interact with Dongsik, way way before he knew. (...) I like seeing Dongsik helping bring her up like this. (...) It really hurts. Dongsik coming to her rescue again and again until the one time where she's really in danger and he’s not able to rescue her in time.

come home soon Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik I love this so far. Every sentence is doing something, the writing is quite tight, the tension is very much there. (...) This is like a gift to me, personally. (...) This is exactly what I wanted, show me how Manyang feels about the two of them! (...) great turns of phrase (...) The writing is so no-nonsense that I really have to pay attention to follow it, in a good way. (...) Smooth transitions between memories and the present time, that’s nice. (...) Wow, I want to read this all over again.

the world's great big injustice Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Yes, make the sex scenes all about these weirdos instead of writing boring cookie-cutter General Porn. (...) Oooh the Oh Ji Hwa's scene was very good. (...) Is all of this really in character? Honestly not sure. Perhaps not. But this author's writing is pulling me in so hard that I don't mind either way. It's close enough to a version of them I can imagine. It stands on its own. It's compelling. It's enough. (...) This is the kind of writing that likes to be reread. I read the remix first, but now I want to reread them both and then slot them together like puzzle pieces.

for what it's worth Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik This is a remix of the fic above. This was... interesting. There was something there. I liked how the story operated on the unspoken and the unacknowledged (...) I like how this is constructed, the thin threads of stubble - halves - halfhearted connection vs intent - silence and sound. (...) The back-and-forth transitions between the past and the present, quite smooth. (...) sex scenes full of characterisation and theme. (...) Is this all about Juwon's habits? His trauma? The hesitancy seems to come from several things. He disassociates a little, but unwillingly. (...) Ok, this really gained heft on a reread. I really liked how pulled out it is, restrained. It's very appropriate for this Juwon's POV.

r/tifu by being my student's gay awakening Han Ju Won/Kwon Hyuk Such a cracky premise (the title is Kwon Hyuk's POV), but I'm here for it. (...) This is fun so far; clear writing. (...) Why is this good? The characterisations are on point. (...) I really believe in this Hyuk. Climbing up the social ladder and angry when he's still being dismissed, glossed over, unwanted beyond what he can do for people. (...) Satisfying. (...) I do wonder how much Kwon Hyuk tells himself he wants that wife with two point five children just because that's what he's supposed to want. He's clearly not straight in this fic.

Exposure Therapy Han Ju Won/Lee Dong Sik Oh wow, this was so good. A get-together fic, with looking for Bang Hoseok in the reed fields used as a binding/bonding activity/memory. Dongsik is exactly what I've been thinking of him being recently — a bit reluctant about his whole thing with Juwon, but not for the lack of feelings. They're both incredibly in character here. It's in the little gestures. (...) This author Pays Attention and Extrapolates Correctly. (...) I love this Dongsik, he really is himself here. And Juwon too. The way they talk to each other. (...) I didn't expect this to be so good from the start, but then it started to drop these pitch-perfect little elements time and time again — it's honestly impressive given that there really isn't much here. It's not a high-concept fic or anything, it's not constructed. It's quiet and it flows easily, and there isn't a lot that's happening, except emotionally. And it works so well.

[nachosncheeze]

Nothing Else To Think About (Blindspot 3x12 fic/extra scenes)

Also on AO3.

I want love back in my life. So do I.

Jane owes her husband an apology, and they're gonna have to work on it. Beginning with the final Jeller scene of 3x12, this post-ep is the third and final part of my mid-season 3 Jeller stories following on from my 3x11 fics "The Company You Were Keeping" and "A Pretty Good Reason", but it can also be read as a stand-alone. It's an attempt to fill in some of the blanks that canon left behind, in a manner that hopefully makes the growing strength of their bond through the rest of the season feel a little more natural. Contains mild spoilers through most of the rest of season 3, but nothing that'll ruin any big twists.

A note on timelines can be found below the cut for the curious, before the story.

Thank you once again to the lovely @lurkingwhump for encouraging me to explore and write out my take on Jeller's midseason drama. Hopefully this addresses some of the gaps in canon in a way that feels honest, and I hope everyone enjoys it. Let me know what you think. :)

Content warning for mentions of infidelity.

~~~~~

A note on the timeline: This story can generally be taken as fitting within canon, with the caveat that the canon timeline of events for when Jane was on the run is muddy at best, with a lot implied or open to interpretation and very little shown with certainty. In order to make this story happen I had to get pretty specific about developing a workable headcanon/interpretation built from the breadcrumbs provided on-screen.

I expect the most unusual aspect of this version of events for many will be that for my purposes Jane and Clem's association lasted only 3 to 4 months after Paris, and ended shortly before her close call in Switzerland and subsequent trip to Berlin. The money on the bed was all Clem's in this interpretation; some of it earned before he learned her name in Paris, making his "6 months" comment part of a sales pitch to convince her to form a more permanent partnership. That also places their tryst right around the lonely milestone that is the one-year mark since Jane left home, though you won't catch her explicitly saying so or using it as an excuse. Hopefully everything else will come through well enough in the story, but if anyone wants to know the details or where I got any of it, I can make a separate post.

Everything I've used does all technically fit into the spaces that canon left behind, but I realize it will differ greatly from some headcanons, so if it doesn't work for you please feel free to treat this as "canon divergent" instead.

~~~~~

Jane stood outside the door to the apartment she shared with her husband. Or… had shared with him, until she had walked away from him and out of this same door, furious and sad to the point of numbness, leaving her wedding ring behind. She stared at the numbers on its surface, breathing deep, trying to stave off a rising wave of panic. She had left the hotel, packed her few things and checked out, planning not to return there. She knew it was the right call to deprive herself of an out, but now that she stood outside what had been her home, her mind was a silent cacophony of anxieties and discordant thoughts. Her head said ‘just open the damn door,’ her heart said ‘you need to see him,’ but her feet and her stomach said ‘run,’ so she simply stood, trying to quell the noise inside her.

It had been one hell of a day that had brought her here. She thought listening to Kurt jumping out of a plane not that long ago had been hard, but he’d had a chute. She knew he did, he had to. He’d known what he was doing. And she was still angry, Avery was still dead; it was a near miss but it was a miss, so there was no need at the time to make haste in processing what she was feeling. It had turned out Avery was alive though, and she was safe now under the watchful eyes of Jane’s FBI colleagues. So when Reade revealed the significance of the location the militia was taking Kurt and his undercover partner to, suddenly all she could think about was her husband trapped in a bunker, underground, outnumbered and overwhelmed. She’d nearly panicked then, too, fighting to push away a rush of mental images of that bunker becoming a tomb. Her heels and knees had bounced as she sat, twisting her hands in her lap, chewing her lip throughout the brief helicopter ride to be his rescue.

When they landed and grabbed their gear, she took the grenade launcher. If those assholes managed to take him down, there would be no arrests; she was going to make sure every single one of them went down with him.

And now, standing before nothing more than a wooden door, that resolve was nowhere to be found. She was absolutely terrified.

She took a last deep breath to steel herself and knocked, then fitted her key into the lock without waiting. She knew that if his mood was anything like hers had been lately, he wouldn’t answer, hoping that whoever was there would just go away.

She stepped over the threshold and bumped the door shut behind her. He was on his feet at the sight of her, a glass of scotch in his right hand and the other hidden in his pocket. “Hey,” was all he offered.

“I’m not letting Roman win,” she responded without preamble.

He looked to the side, shuffled his feet, then leaned his shoulder against the door frame from the lounge. He’d been wishing for this, to see her back in this place where she belonged. But then he’d learned about Clem, and now that the moment had arrived, he didn’t know what to say. Somehow it felt like neither of them belonged there. You have to try, he reminded himself unnecessarily. “What happened? Everything alright?”

It was her turn to look away, again grasping for the courage that always seemed automatic when looking down the barrel of a gun but was shredded to straws under his guarded expression. “No, uh… and it might not be for a while.” She walked further into the apartment, giving a helpless shrug. “Look, I know that you have a history of being let down by the people you love.” He shifted again, half turning from her as though he wanted to leave and escape the conversation. But he stayed. “Your father, your old partner… me. But knowing why you lied about Avery doesn’t make me feel any less betrayed. And that… hurt… may never go away.” He looked at the floor, nodding his resignation. She didn’t stop. “But all of this has just made me feel so… lonely. Afraid to trust the people I should believe in the most.”

He met her eyes then and straightened from the door frame, Allie’s words echoing in his ears. She was out there alone for a long time, but that doesn’t sound like the Jane I know. Trust had been at the heart of them from the beginning. She'd given it to him, unwaveringly, from almost the first moment they met, and he had returned it from the moment Chao's blade met his skin at the top of the Statue of Liberty. They'd bruised and broken and mended their trust more than once since, but… even at its lowest, he had always loved her. And she'd always loved him. It wasn't easy. It was absolutely worth it. That, at least, was something he knew. He started moving toward her.

“And that is exactly what Roman wants,” she was continuing, “I’m not gonna give it to him. Because I wanna trust Avery. I wanna work this out with you. I want love back in my life.”

He finally found his voice. “So do I.”

She blew out the breath she’d been holding and nodded, her chin quivering slightly, and they both stood staring, glassy-eyed, at one another.

It was Kurt who broke the silence, stepping a little closer and extracting his left hand from his pocket. Things weren’t right between them, and she was right, they wouldn’t be for a while. But she had come home, and maybe that was enough of a starting point for the minute. “Come on,” he said, tilting his head back toward the lounge. For a moment, she didn’t move.

It could be all too easy. She had no idea what he was thinking or what he wanted now, but he at least seemed willing to let her back into their home. She could feel the tension in him, and his pain matching her own, but also his relief at her presence and her intention to stay. Maybe he meant to leave their sleeping dogs to lie, just for tonight, and spend the rest of the evening simply easing back into the idea of sharing space. He was reaching for her hand, and she gave it to him, feeling his fingers gently closing around her own.

He turned and began leading her toward where he had been sitting, and she watched his back, his feet, their hands as she followed in numb silence. And suddenly all she could see was his wedding ring; the way it dully reflected the dim light feeling like a blinding glare.

She’d been hiding behind the icy wall she’d put up between them, scrawling messages to herself on its surfaces, assuring herself that his transgressions were the greater, his lies the more dire, her injury the more grievous. Even as she had stepped through the door to their home, having rehearsed precisely what she wanted to say, she braced for disaster by telling herself over and over that between the two of them, she had nothing more to apologize for. She had to believe it, because if he threw her out - and she had half-believed he would - she didn’t know how else she could survive it. But now that he hadn’t, she realized that what she was left with was less a wall or a shield and more a cold, hard brick of shame lodged somewhere behind her navel.

She stopped and pulled her hand from his, looking at the floor so that she didn’t have to see the hurt and confusion on his face as he turned to look back at her. Not talking about things was what had brought them here, and maybe this wasn't the best time, maybe neither felt ready for this conversation, but she didn’t want to repeat that mistake. She didn’t want any more misunderstandings, didn’t want him thinking for even one more moment that her foolish indiscretion had been a rejection or any other kind of comment on him. He was worth so much more than that; he deserved to know the truth. And she knew that they could never be ready for something like this. Whatever either of them intended, she owed it to him to do it now, if he would hear it, rather than risk that morning light and the crazy realities of their days might bury it all under other people's crises again.

“We… we should talk,” she stuttered. She saw his expression crumble, the relief seeming to abandon him, and suddenly she realized that in that moment, he was afraid of her. Afraid of what she might say, or maybe of how much more she might ask of him. “I mean… I should talk. I mean, I owe you… an explanation.”

His jaw flexed, and he glanced back and forth between her and nothing in particular a few times as he considered her offer. At last he nodded and turned his back on her, stepping back through the double doors into the lounge. She was frozen, wondering if the reminder of what she’d done had been too much for tonight after all, if he was going to keep right on walking, close a bedroom door behind himself and leave her there. Instead, he pushed aside the footstool with his knee and dropped back into his chair with an exhausted sigh, then gestured vaguely to the room in front of him.

“Okay,” he said, “then explain.”

She moved tentatively toward him and settled gingerly on a spot on the floor, in front of him, but not too close. “I’m not… even sure where to begin,” she confessed. She had known since that heated moment on the plane that this had to happen sometime, but she was so scared that he’d never give her the chance that she had doubled down on her anger, never allowing herself to consider what she would actually say. After several long moments of watching her mouth work soundlessly to no avail, he finally put her out of their misery, clearing his throat as he leaned forward. He rested his elbows on his knees, his hands hanging limply between them, one still loosely holding his glass of scotch.

“You knew I wanted to go with you, but you took off without me. I’m thankful that you put Bethany first. But you took off your ring.” He stopped short and swallowed down hard on the bile that suddenly seemed to be rising in his throat. She reached out gently as if to touch him, but withdrew her hand when he flinched. The action seemed to give him the push necessary to say what he needed to next. “I don’t want to know. I really, really don’t. But I think… I need to. We were happy, Jane. So… what happened?”

“I thought…” she hesitated. “No,” she corrected, then started again, stronger. “I left my ring for a reason. Part of it was about blending in, hiding the things I love. I left to keep you both safe, and if someone made me, if they saw that ring and saw that I was still…” still in love with you - she swallowed the words, “I had to keep you safe. I thought I’d be able to finish it, and come home.

“But… I knew there was a chance that it wouldn’t work. I didn’t want to hide that from you. I left it where I knew you’d find it, so you wouldn’t have to wonder what I’d done. And if I couldn’t make it back, for whatever reason… I didn’t want you stuck with me. My past just keeps coming back to haunt you, and that's not fair. I don't want that for you. I wanted you to know that… even if I wasn’t there, even if it wasn’t with me, more than anything… I wanted you to be happy.”

“I made a vow, Jane,” he said quietly. “And I meant it. There was no ‘happy’ for me without you.”

She glanced away, trying not to let her entire world crumble at the word 'was'; past tense. “I made that vow too,” she offered weakly, unthinkingly. And I broke it, she admonished herself silently. She heard him give a single, humorless little snort. He no longer had the energy to say it aloud, and she didn’t have the strength to, terrified that if she did, the sober reality of it would be the death of them. The silence hung heavy between them.

“I fucked up, Kurt,” she said finally, her trembling voice little more than a whisper. He glanced at her in surprise - she almost never swore, especially since Bethany had come into their lives - but he looked away just as quickly, knowing that if he continued looking his tears would spill over and never stop. Or worse, he might reach out to hold her and tell her it was okay.

It wasn’t okay.

“I fucked up,” she said again, louder but no less broken, “so badly. There’s no excusing it. I can’t undo it. I’d say I don’t know what I was thinking, but really, I just can’t believe how foolish I was.” She went quiet again.

He didn’t want to know what she had been thinking, leaving him behind and getting that close with another man; couldn’t imagine any line of thought that wouldn’t cut him to the bone. He halfway wished he could stop this and pretend the whole thing was just some terrible dream. But he understood what she was trying to do; trying to come to account so that whatever way things resolved, they could walk forward and away from this nightmare with something of their senses of selves intact. It was the same thing he’d done the night he’d finally told her the truth about Berlin. He knew there would never really be any going forward for them, not as individuals and definitely not together, if he didn’t ask. Allie was right. His imagination was running wild, and even if he didn’t want to hear it, it was information. Information he needed.

Finally, he gently cleared his throat. “So what were you thinking?” he asked, the subdued sound breaking her heart with the vulnerability it showed. For all his gruffness and all his walls, Kurt had always been strong, and had always worn his heart on his sleeve for her, even if he sometimes liked to pretend it wasn’t there. This quiet reservation, a man hidden back behind walls she couldn't scale… she didn’t know how to deal with it. She wished he would meet her eyes, but knew she didn’t deserve to ask that of him. She didn’t know where to start, or where to finish, or what to put in between. So she just let the words flow, throwing her crimes out on the carpet along with their fate. It wasn’t up to her anymore. Maybe it wasn’t up to either one of them.

“It wasn’t… a relationship. At least, not like you were implying, on the plane. We worked together. When I started doing K&R, I did it alone. We crossed paths a couple of times on jobs. On one job, we got to the hostage at the same time. There was no one I could trust out there, and I sure as hell didn’t trust him. But he didn’t fight me; he agreed to split the reward. Unfortunately he was still using Dwire for backup then, so you can imagine how that went. That ass knocked us both out and stole our pay.

“Clem…” she paused, almost choking on the name. “We backed each other up on a few jobs after that. After those first few, he admitted that he knew about the bounty, and he'd known for a while. He'd kept working with me in spite of it. It seemed like I could at least trust that he wouldn't sell me out for that, so I kept working with him. He became... a friend.” She paused, trying to gather herself again, trying to find her voice for the confession they both knew was next.

“It had been a few months since we started calling each other for backup, and after one really tough rescue I stayed to celebrate instead of just taking my cut and leaving. I thought it would be like our team does after we close a tough case. It would just be… nice, to be around another person for a while. But then he made a pass, and I thought…” she closed her eyes and took a big breath, “I thought about all that time. About how long I’d been gone, and how I’d wanted you to be happy, how I left my ring so that you could be in case... in case I didn’t come back. And for a minute, I fooled myself into thinking you were. It had been so long, you must be. You must have moved on.”

She saw him very subtly shaking his head.

“I know,” she said sadly, answering his unvoiced protest. Kurt Weller was loyal to a fault; he would have been right to scoff at her, to scream it in her face. But he didn’t. “I know,” she repeated, “…and I knew it right away then, too. I’ve made a lot of mistakes since we met. So many. But that…” she trailed off, shaking her head as the tears that had been gathering in her eyes thickened, blurring him from her sight. She couldn’t say it was the worst of her mistakes. Her mistakes had gotten Mayfair killed; they’d nearly robbed her brother of his whole life and condemned him to the CIA. Instead, she’d let him go and gotten her team, her husband, even the daughter she hadn't known she had, all ensnared in this mess of revenge or whatever the hell else Roman was playing at. They were all terrible mistakes. But Clem was by far her most foolish. She’d given up her faith in the person she should have believed in the most. That wasn’t Roman’s doing. She’d done it all on her own.

“There’s no excusing it,” she stated again. “I was lonely, but it just made me feel even lonelier. It was a mistake, and I felt so foolish. I think some part of me knew that you were still out there, somewhere, waiting for me. Keeping your vows. And I failed.”

She could have stopped there and let her ownership of that failure stand on its own, but she knew there would always be unanswered questions and doubts if he didn’t have the full story. She needed him to believe, to understand, that it had started and ended in a single, stupid night. She pressed on.

"I didn’t wait; I left that night. I never spoke to him again, not until I called him about Avery. That was before you told me about Berlin. Finding people is his job, and he’s good at it… he can do things the FBI can’t, things you and I couldn’t do without risking our jobs and our future. I just wanted to know she was safe.” She realized she was starting to spiral into trying to justify herself again, so she closed her eyes again to breathe through it. “I never expected that he would come to New York.”

“But once he was here, you thought you’d get back in touch,” he said flatly. Given the short notice on which Clem had arrived at the airstrip for their rescue mission to Berlin, he had already suspected the man had come stateside before Patterson found Avery, and he had a hunch that meeting up on the plane wasn’t their only recent encounter.

“Well…” she said awkwardly, knowing that she had to be completely honest, “no. Before Patterson found Avery, he got in touch. It was the day we rescued those Camp Iko refugees. I told him that Avery had died, and he wanted to come see me that morning, at the NYO. I hung up on him. But… I was so confused. I went to see him after work; I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I just… wanted someone to talk to, someone who wouldn’t feel caught in the middle between you and me. Nothing happened, but it wasn’t right. He doesn’t want to be friends. I’m not sure he ever really did.”

No fucking kidding, Weller found himself thinking, but he stopped himself from voicing it out loud. He tried to put it in context again - the Jane I know, as Allie had said. Jane, who was brave, and fierce, and boundlessly empathetic towards those in pain, but had very little clue about romance and almost no experience to build on. She had dated precisely one normal guy, for a long and rewarding few weeks, before choosing her husband. Zapata and Patterson had taken her out sometimes for drinks back in the early days, but he didn't know if she'd ever gotten a date out of it. Had she ever even really spoken to any guys before Oliver? Apart from him… and Oscar.

He needed to refocus on the subject at hand, make sure there was nothing else he was missing. “You said you left him that night, in Europe. What happened?”

She sighed, rubbing a hand over her face in frustration. “I fucked that up, too,” she admitted. “I guess by working with one crew, turning up with the same partner on multiple jobs, I made myself predictable, too easy to find. Until that day, I mitigated the risk by not sticking around a moment more than was absolutely necessary. When I realized how badly I'd messed up, I left him in a hurry, but I was distracted. The bounty hunters must have been watching, waiting for me to be alone. When I bolted, I played right into their hands. I didn’t get very far before they caught up with me, and I barely made it out. That was how I ended up in Berlin, like I told you; I lost my go-bag.” She chewed on her lip for a minute, looking somehow frustrated and lost at the same time.

“I knew I had to leave Europe, so I picked up my stash, bought new papers from Max, and ran. I didn't really know where I was going, but I had more than enough to get by, so staying off the radar and getting as much distance as I could was more important than anything else. I headed east, alone, as quickly and quietly as I could. Then there was an accident. When I woke up, over a week later, I was far away from where I had been... and somehow, the money was still there. It made no sense at the time, but I guess that was when Roman tattooed me, and he must have been the one to leave me with the monks. They were kind, it seemed safe, and things there were simple, so once I recovered I just… stayed."

He thought about pointing out that she could have come home, but it didn't seem like a useful time to rehash that argument. It wouldn't change anything, anyway. What was done was done and all they could control was what they each chose next.

“I needed to be alone. Somewhere I could leave my mistakes behind, but still keep you and Bethany safe,” she explained, as if she could read his thoughts. “And even if I could somehow keep the bounty hunters off my tail, I felt like… I’d lost the right to come home. I don't know if it was guilt or grief or just… fear, that drove me up the mountain. But once I was there, I stayed because it was so far off-grid that no one would find me, and if I couldn't be with you… at least I could live a life that wouldn't have hurt you more.

"And then when I saw you there, still wearing your ring… I was so overwhelmed. I didn't deserve that; you don't deserve what I did. And I shouldn't have kept it from you."

He nodded solemnly, staring into his drink as he processed everything she’d just told him. “Would you ever have told me?” he asked.

She glanced to the side, drawing a deep breath. “Honestly? I don’t know,” she answered. “I regret it; of course I do. I'd like to say there's not a day that goes by that I haven't been eaten alive by my guilt, but the truth is… after a while, I sort of started to forget about it.” She shuffled closer to him on the floor, trying to catch his eyes, silently begging him to see her sincerity. “You, Kurt… here, in front of me, beside me… there's nothing else to think about. You're… everything." He sniffled at that, and she saw him quickly swipe a single tear from his cheek with his thumb, but he still wouldn’t look at her. She feared he never would again.

“Life has given me so many reasons to doubt myself,” she said, and that was the crux of it all, wasn’t it? She doubted that she was worth it; had always doubted that she was enough for him, enough to deserve or keep him. For a brief, crazy moment, she’d let her self-doubt expand and fill her until she’d doubted him. But right now this wasn’t about her – or at least, not about her pain and insecurities. He’d been trying to apologize, trying to reach for her while she’d been keeping a secret of her own, only to throw it in his face the moment he was within arm’s reach. This was her turn for coming clean. “But ever since we finally got together, you never gave me a reason to doubt you.”

“And now we’ve both given each other reasons,” he said.

She nodded sadly. “I was wrong,” she said simply.

“So was I.”

“And Kurt… I’m–” her breath caught in her throat as he finally lifted his head to meet her eyes – “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” he whispered, “me too.”

They sat staring at each other for a long, long moment, remorse and pain so thick in the air that time seemed to stop.

“So what happens now?” she asked.

He leaned back in his chair, looking lost in his grim thoughts. "We’ve both made terrible mistakes," he started slowly. "This is going to take time. We have to learn how to stop… protecting each other, with little lies and half-truths. I think the betrayal of keeping those secrets has hurt us even more than the secrets themselves ever would have."

She nodded agreement at that.

"But… I want to work on it, with you," he finally said. "As much as it all hurts right now… you're it for me, too."

She pursed her lips to the side in what could have been a ghost of a smile, if she hadn’t been working so hard to blink back tears. She wanted to reach for him, but didn’t quite know how. She wasn’t sure he would welcome her touch just then. Truth be told, despite what he’d said, she feared that the image of another man’s hands on her would drive his touch away forever.

But despite the chasm between them, it still seemed as if he could almost read her mind. Or maybe they just wanted the same things. Her eyes were drawn to his lap as his hand slid forward to rest on his knee, as if he, too, wanted to reach for her but couldn’t quite find the courage. She tentatively lifted her own hand, silently asking for permission as she slowly bridged the gap. It was a stuttering dance between them, an old engine shuddering to life - his fingers alone lifted from the denim of his jeans, her hand moved a little closer through the empty air, and they both watched as her fingers finally found the spaces between his. They laced together, his palm at last leaving his knee to press into hers. It wasn’t quite like the opening of a floodgate, but her motion was smoother and less hesitant when a moment later the rest of her followed, just a little closer, to rest her head lightly on his knee. The back of his thumb found her cheek and she exhaled, feeling him exhale with her. A moment later he set down his glass and placed his newly freed hand on the side of her head, stroking her hair.

Then she went very still. That gentle touch was the final straw. He felt her tears on his thumb, one, then another, and she heard his sharply indrawn breath as he tugged lightly on her hair, coaxing her to look at him so she could see his tears start to fall, too. Not leaving her alone; showing her that he was right there with her, even in their pain.

She raised up on her knees between his feet, tugging his hand towards her heart. As soon as she was sure it would stay there she moved her own hand to his, and the two sandwiched those hands between them as they finally embraced. His body shook with a single, heavy sob, and he turned his face into her neck. She held him there, murmuring again and again how much she loved him as they both let the pain flow from their bodies to soak each other’s shirts.

After a while their sobs subsided to shaky, hitched breaths, and gradually to quieter sniffles. Kurt turned his palm from her chest, curling his fingers around the back of her hand to keep it over his heart while his other hand eased her back a bit so he could look at her. “Can I buy you a drink?” he asked with a fragile, watery half-smile.

She regarded him intensely and brushed her fingertips down his cheek, wiping away a lingering tear. “Yeah,” she nodded after a few heartbeats, sniffling with a fragile half-grin of her own.

“You’re gonna have to reach the glass, though,” he motioned to the other side of the small room. “Someone’s got me pinned.”

She rewarded his attempt at teasing with a look before she extracted herself and reached out on her hands and knees to pull a second glass off the low shelf and pass it to him. He poured and handed it back to her, then picked up his own glass and raised it a little. “To truth?” he suggested, then added, “Whole truths.”

“No matter how painful,” she agreed.

“And never, ever giving up,” he finished, and she smiled a little more genuinely as she clinked her glass with his and took a sip. After a moment, she turned, settling again on the floor and leaning back against the chair between his knees. He set the record player going, soft music filling the air, and he brushed his hand just once through her hair. She leaned into the touch, then reached up to take his hand over her shoulder, and they sat quietly sipping their drinks, sharing the air with each other and their own battered thoughts.

After a while, he found something more to say. Her fingertips were idly stroking the back of his hand, lingering from time to time to toy with his wedding band. “It’s where you left it,” he murmured, knowing without a doubt that she was thinking about her own ring. He was, too. “I… couldn’t touch it.”

“What do I have to do? To earn it back.” She knew that there was more to do, and after the hurt she'd caused him, she wanted to give him the choice. She held still while she waited for his answer.

“It’s your ring Jane, you can do what you want with it.” She frowned. They’d made a little progress, but he still sounded so fragile. She turned her body halfway toward him, looking up at him with an earnest expression.

“But it’s more than a ring. It was a promise, and I broke that trust. It’s not in your pocket this time. You haven’t been waiting to give it back.” There was no judgment or accusation in her voice, only truth.

“I wasn’t sure I could.”

“And now?”

“Now… it belongs with you. At least, I want it to. I kept wearing mine because… I still want to belong to you.” He hesitated, knowing that despite the progress they’d just made, they were both incredibly raw. He’d hurt her, badly, but she’d hurt him, too. The sight of her hand without the silver jeweled band he’d put there made his chest feel hollow any time he stopped to think about it. He didn’t like the contrast of her pale skin and dark ink without its crowning sparkle. His wishes and feelings weren’t the only things that mattered, though. This one had to come from her. “It doesn’t have to be tonight. We’ll keep working on it. But… I need you to be sure you want it, too. I just… can’t watch you leave it behind a third time. I can’t. So what do you want?”

She nodded thoughtfully, sadly; her expression was not unlike the one she had worn in Nepal, the last time she found him still wearing his ring while her finger was bare. “I'm not sure I deserve to even say it, but it’s never felt right, being without it,” she said. “I was angry, so angry I felt numb… but underneath all of that it just hurt, and taking it off just made it worse. So much worse.” She caught his eye, hoped he could see the truth - the whole truth; her sadness and regret for having left it behind again. “I don’t think I could do it again. It felt all wrong. I don’t ever want to feel that again; I don’t want you to feel that. I don't want that kind of pain in our lives ever again.”

“We’re still gonna have pain in our lives, sometimes. No one gets through life without that.”

She turned to face him more fully. She had come home looking hard yet frightened, and throughout her confession looked so sad and ashamed, but now he could see that Jane, his Jane, was beginning to return. Her face was pink and puffy from crying and he was sure his own face matched, but her expression was determined and her voice was growing stronger. “But I can’t be the cause. I can’t be the reason you look like that again. I couldn’t bear it.”

He still looked reserved, and took a swig of his drink in lieu of speaking. She abandoned her drink on the floor and reached up to stroke her hand down his stubbled jaw, then stood and made her way to the breakfast bar. She returned a minute later and knelt in front of him, holding up her ring between her thumb and index finger. “It’s not going to get better overnight. I know it’s not. But I know that I want to belong to you. No more secrets, and no more lies. No more running. We’re better together. I want to be in this, together with you.” He stared at the ring then looked into her eyes, long and hard, searching for any trace of uncertainty. She gazed back at him with absolute conviction. At last he put down his glass again, leaning forward, and took the ring from her.

“Then we do it together,” he said.

She nodded her relief, the certainty in her expression never wavering. “I’m yours, Kurt,” she told him, more softly but no less firmly. He glanced at her in acknowledgement before he slipped the ring back on her finger and joined their left hands together, their twin rings finally reunited and exactly where they belonged. He stared at them as if in a trance, his posture relieved, but a shadow of apprehension remained on his face.

“Kurt,” she said softly, trying to draw his attention. She paused and waited for him to meet her eyes again, and when he did, she smiled gently. “We’re gonna be okay.” A heartbeat later, he squeezed her hand, and smiled softly back.

That night they slept on their own sides of their bed, facing away from one another. When he woke in the middle of the night, her feet were together, her toes lightly pressed against the backs of his calves. When she woke in the morning, he had rolled over and stretched his arm toward her, his fingers ever so faintly brushing her ribs, just below her shoulder blade, each time she inhaled. A handful of days passed with an awkward sort of friendship, stilted hugs or chaste kisses, and the occasional joining of hands. And nights passed just like that first one, with each tentatively reaching out for the other in their sleep.

The way Jane looked at him, up and down, unabashedly checking him out after she recovered the Nergal device from Sho Ahktar became something of a turning point for matters at home. He looked great in that suit, and she knew exactly what working undercover together did to him - what seeing each other pretending to be someone else and yet still so unmistakably them did to them both - and she was done playing slow and safe. She was pretty sure he was, too. She hit pause on those thoughts as they changed and debriefed and she went to meet up with Avery, but in spite of the nerves she felt about an unstructured visit with her estranged daughter, the wink her husband gave her when she left the office had her grinning most of the way to the coffee shop.

She was tired when she got home, emotionally drained and ready to shelf anything else for another day. When she saw him stand from the sofa though, looking adorably apprehensive, so ready to be lovingly supportive no matter how her visit had gone, her fatigue went out the window. Seeing Nas had brought up some things; Jane liked the woman well enough as a workplace colleague, and appreciated all she’d done for the team, but Nas had always been just a little bit too patronizing toward Jane and was still just a little too comfortable in her husband’s presence for someone who had in times past threatened to return her to a dark, dark hole. Never mind that the woman had been sharing Kurt's bed while holding those things over her, or the easy way she’d walked back into what was long since Jane’s home.

It started with a slow, lingering kiss that was as much a question as a greeting, and which quickly evolved into an answer. Their reunion was a little rough at first - possessive - and soon they were breathing words like 'yours' and 'mine' into each other's skin. They didn’t quite make it to the bed, but that suited them just fine. Their last reunion had taken place on the floor too, and while this time there was an aggressive edge to the way they reclaimed each other, it ended similarly, with gentle smiles, interlaced fingers, and murmured affirmations of love.

Things weren't better overnight, even after they climbed under the covers to finally sleep curled around each other for the first time in weeks - and woke each other in the dark hours of morning to confirm those things they'd already worked out on the floor. The now-crumbling walls they’d erected around their hearts still made reading each other outside the office more challenging than they were accustomed to, interrupted by hiccups of insecurity and niggling fears. It helped, though, that now they were calling them fears, not anger or blame; and so too did the fact that they spoke about them regularly rather than suffering them in silence.

Some of the lingering hurt was smoothed by the discovery that with the bulk of their anger released, they still functioned as an unstoppable team at work. They read each other as well as ever in the field, and in the office they still looked to each other first, asking questions and giving answers, or sharing thoughts and opinions, all through silent exchanges that they would only occasionally voice to the team. Those daily reminders that they were still better together than they were apart became a salve against any doubts they might feel about whether they could get through it.

Jane was surprised but pleased to find that Kurt was relaxing a little more into his tactile nature throughout the day, deliberately instigating casual little displays of affection that he had been more restrained about before. It was subtle, not at all like the desperate way they had always grasped each other after a close call, and nothing so overt as to make their colleagues regularly uncomfortable. His hand was simply finding her own, or the small of her back more often, and sometimes he would step up behind her to embrace her for no reason other than she was sitting by herself at a workstation and he felt like it. She knew how much those little check-ins meant to him, and with each little touch, she felt surer. Weller was similarly surprised when Jane caught him in the hallway outside the lab one morning to ask what he thought about inviting Avery to live with them. The prospect itself delighted him, but the fact she had come to him about something so important as soon as she decided she wanted it, even though they were busy and at work, filled him with a warm sort of certainty.

They were both practicing not waiting, because they were keenly aware - especially after the date Rich had sent them on was cut short by assassins - that 'the right time' wasn't something they could necessarily count on in their line of work. They also practiced opening themselves, volunteering more of their inner worlds than either was used to, and no longer taking for granted that their comfortable place on each others' wavelength would be enough on its own to keep all misunderstandings at bay.

It was taxing at times. The days at work flew by while their evenings were slow and deliberate, but gradually, with each spontaneously voiced thought, each unsolicited touch, each difficult conversation that turned out simpler than expected, they built something; something unlike what they had before. They had always believed their bond to be unshakeable, but now it was being reforged in the certainty that came with a proven commitment to work at it no matter how hard or painful; to accept that they would sometimes mess up or let each other down, but safe in the knowledge that they would never stop reaching for each other and they would never, ever give up. Because they were in love, they were everything, and they decided again, every single day, that that mattered. More than anything.

[emmy-germany]

Last day of Christmas celebrations and still not really in a Christmas mood. Missing the winter like 25 - 30 years ago when we had snow in December.

Therefore I am in desperate need of a reading distraction, the more fluff/smut the better. Reblog with your favorite story of Jeller/Reller (Blindspot) or Damien Scott (Strike Back), preferably on ffn or ao3

Big thanks in advance

PS: „Torture without you“ and „Only One Bed“ are already in my Top 3 stories, along with a Strike Back Story (Scott/Stonebridge hookup)