#bonus points if you catch my little headcanon that you can pry from my cold dead hands!

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

As I wait for my beta to get back to me...

Okay I've never had a beta before and I love him but I'll never have a beta again bc i'm IMPATIENT but anyway I messed around with the sourceless incorrect quotes generator and I'm dying over here so. have these ig

including some things with peter as spider bc guess what! they'll also interact. yes i have three fucking fics planned

----

Jean: Where did you get that tomato soup? Peter: It’s actually a bowl of ketchup I just microwaved.

Peter: What goes up but never comes down? Jean: The amount of stress you're bringing me.

Jean, shooing Peter away: Can you go be depressed over there? You’re bumming out my whole area.

Peter: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this. Jean: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP ILLEGALLY ENTERING MY FUCKING CRIME SCENES!!!

Peter: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Jean and not do the thing, Peter: Well there’s a clear right answer here. Peter: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*

Jean: So I have made the decision to trust you. Spider: A horrible decision, really.

Peter: I'm tired. Jean: You slept for three hours last night! Why are you surprised?! Peter: I'm not surprised. I just wanted to complain about it.

Jean: They don’t make them like me no more. I’m the last of my kind. Peter: Thank god.

Spider: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times. Jean: You mean you stabbed them? Spider: They ran into my knife.

Jean: Do you have any idea what you’re doing? Peter: Why start now?

Peter: I love hearing Jean shouting at someone else. It makes such a nice change.

Peter, getting a full nap with a warm blanket for the first time in literal years (i WILL make it happen): You know I think my life has value. Jean: Who are you and what have you done with Peter?!

Jean: You use humor to deflect your trauma. Spider: Awww, thanks- Jean: That’s not a good thing. Spider: All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny.

Jean, to Peter: All right, let’s tell each other a secret about ourselves. I’m going to go first– I hate you.

Jean: Why are you on fire? Spider: This is just how my day is going.

Jean: I'll offer you some friendly advice- Peter: I don't want your advice. Jean: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice, dipshit.

Jean: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Parker, are a fucking cactus.

Jean: That’s illegal, right? Peter: Why do you care? Are you a fucking cop? Jean: Kinda- Peter: Just shut the fuck up.

Jean: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing. Peter: But ya' didn't!

Jean: Don’t go picking a fight with me. I could make your life difficult. Peter, sarcastically: Wow. I wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life.

Kidnapper: We have your child Jean: I don’t have a child? Kidnapper: Then who just told us to fuck off and that he doesn't have time for more stupid problems? Jean: Oh god, you have Peter

Jean: Who hurt you? Peter: *snorting* What, do you want a list? Jean: ...Yes, actually.

Spider: Something’s off. Jean: Maybe you’ve finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people. Spider: No, but that’s funny.

Jean: Peter, no. Peter: Peter, yes.

Peter/Spider: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated. Jean: Killed without hesitation.

[that second part would work for either tho ngl but i can't NOT have pete say the first line]

Peter: I'm bored, any suggestions? Jean: Sleeping is nice. Peter: I acknowledge your suggestion, and I’m deciding to ignore it.

Spider: It’s nice to be wanted, you know? Jean: Not by the law!

Jean: I never tell people off the bat that I'm gay. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm gay right?" and watch the look of terror on their face. Peter: Peter: I like you.

[Jean if he was not living in the 30s were being gay could get him fired and killed :D]

Jean: You have an impressive pain tolerance. Peter: Thanks, it's the trauma.

Jean: Where have you been all day? Peter: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.

Peter: Jean, I sense hostility. Jean: Good, because I hate you.

Spider being an edgy bastard: I could kill you if I wanted. Jean: Yeah? So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.

Jean: You're alive. Peter: No need to sound so disappointed.

Peter: You read my diary? Jean: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

Jean: I can't imagine what Peter is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

Jean: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!? Spider, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what.

Jean: What are you doing here? Peter: I could ask you the same question. Jean: I work here. This is my crime scene. Peter: I should probably ask you a different question.

Jean: You saved me! Why? Spider: People would think I murdered you if I didn't.

Jean: Can you pass the salt? Peter: Can you pass away? Jean: Too much salt.

[silentcrowsilentravens]

The Dimitrescu household with an s/o that's an entomologist and has an extensive array of drawn specimens.

Fun!

Alcina Dimitrescu, Bela Dimitrescu, Cassandra Dimitrescu, and Daniela Dimitrescu with a s/o that's an entomologist with an extensive array of drawn specimens.

(Gender neutral).

Warnings: n/a

Masterlists here!

Alcina Dimitrescu

Before you two got together, there was definitely a part of Alcina that was suspicious about your intentions. You're an entomologist, and her daughters are made of bugs... You aren't here just to do a little research, are you?

She loves seeing your drawn specimens. Alcina is a woman of the arts, and the artistic aspect behind it all interests her.

She buys you supplies and stuff before it even occurs to you that you might need to purchase them.

Bela Dimitrescu

Boy oh boy, does this woman love listening to you share your interest with her.

She loves watching you when you draw. It's weirdly relaxing.

She loves listening to you talk about insects. (Bonus points here since you're especially attractive when you get all passionate).

Even if you have practically every entomology book known to man, Bela's nerd ass will find one or more new ones for you. As lil' gifts.

Cassandra Dimitrescu

Cassandra has a genuine interest in art (Cass does abstract art. You can pry that headcanon from my cold, dead hands) and the moment she gets to see your drawings, she's all kinds of interested. Look at the detail! Tell her about the process you go through for these.

She takes to catching you specimens, which first comes to your knowledge when you see a horde of flies chasing an ant down a corridor. (You're gonna have to teach Cassie how to catch insects without destroying them. She is... over-eager).

Who would've thought some bug catching was all it takes to stop her from killing so many maidens during the colder months!

Daniela Dimitrescu

Before you started dating, there was definitely a point where Daniela was like, wow, you're interested in insects? Haha, what a coincidence, because I am insects and happen to be very interested in you ;))

Ooh, you have loads of specimen drawings? You know, it would be so romantic if you ever decided to do a scientific drawing of Daniela. She bets that you've never drawn a mutant blowfly before. 

She never shuts up about you. How can she? You're so smart! And talented! Ugh, she's swooning.

[glorified-red]

Could I request hcs for subtle ways the boys express their protectiveness?

Thank you for the request my love! I got to play a fun little game of ‘Eenie Meenie Miney Mo’ for which request to do.

Protective BatBoys

word count: 1600~

warnings: insinuation of someone getting hit by a car, mentions of attackers

I was quite tempted to write Bruce headcanons to this but I must hold back ><

Dick Grayson

Ah, Dick Grayson, the King of small romantic protective gestures

Every time, without fail, Dick will wait until he watches you get inside your house safely before driving/walking away

Its a really cute tick of his because he covers it up with a goodbye kiss and goofy waves that leave you giggling even after you close your house door

But its so he knows where you are, and he can see for himself that you made it safely inside because the second he turns away too soon, you may get locked out, or someone can crawl out from the bushes and nab you

Paranoid, he knows

He constantly wraps you up in things, when you two go swimming he’ll patter up from behind you and place a towel around your shoulders, patting you dry along the way

Very insignificant gesture but he doesn't want you to catch a cold in the A/C or Gotham wind

He’ll do the same with his jackets, maybe even plop his hat on your head when it's gets to the snowy seasons 1. Because its adorable seeing the hat fall into your eyes and 2. Because it'll warm your head up

Scarves too, he’ll even go on a tangent about how cold it is outside while he wraps you in it

Dick will always offer to drive you places, even if you insist on driving yourself to meet up with him or walking there, Dick will still offer because it means he’ll be present if you get into a wreck, sucks but then he can help with first aid

If you decline his offer though, he’ll politely ask for you to take Titus or Ace with you whenever you walk somewhere, they’re trained and he trusts them to keep you company/safe when he can't 

Jason Todd

Jason’s protectiveness comes from a place of knowing how cruel the world actually is

He can't stand the idea of anything happening to you

If he has to, he will use his reputation of Red Hood as a way to keep you safe, putting a man at gun point and sneering out, “They’re off. Limits.”

He’d bust a whole trafficking ring if it meant ending a person who touched you or hurt you in any way

But Jason’s protectiveness doesn't stop while he's wearing the helmet

Even when you two are sleeping, Jasons unconsciously protecting you, no matter how you two cuddle, Jason always positions himself as closest to the bedroom door

Whether his back is to the door or he’s facing it, Jason needs the comfort of knowing any person coming into the room would have to get through him before even reaching you

He also envelopes you, he's a big guy so its pretty easy for him to wrap you up in his arms as an extra layer of protection from the outside world

Jason doesn't really like the idea of training you past basic combat or gun skills, hell, he doesn't like involving you in the family business if he doesn't have to

So he inserts himself into any situation you may need protection in

Which is exactly why he starts going to the gym with you as a work out buddy

Jason makes it sound like he just wants to spend time with you or help you achieve your goals faster since he knows how the body works from his Robin days

But deep down you both know his true intentions: he wants to keep an eye on you

The gym is crawling with creeps that have the guts to ogle at you or get too touchy, but having Jason’s 6 foot beefcake of an ass standing beside you the entire time is like an instant creep repellent

Plus, he gets to spot you and make sure you don't get injured from bad technique or from pushing yourself too hard

He’ll even encourage you with innuendos the entire time, but at the end of the day, he’ll gladly walk you home

Tim Drake

Tim is the most subtle about his inner protectiveness, a subtle King if you will

Most times when he gets protective, you never even notice

When you two cuddle in your house, it takes him a very long time to actively fall asleep because he doesn't trust your home security system if you even have one so he forces himself to stay awake just incase anything happens

But don't worry, he’ll eventually get to updating the security in your house

He does get these protective eyes whenever something is off when he's around you, they narrow a bit and latch onto whatever is off, glaring holes into the offending object until its all clear

Its quite terrifying to witness and very hard to miss when Tim is staring dead at the man speaking to you from across the room at a Gala, sipping his drink in the corner

If he feels the need, he will walk up and control the situation, whether it mean inserting himself into the convo or simply being present for it, he’ll do it

The thing with Tim though, is when he's protective, he’s almost always touching you in some way

His fingers playing idly with the ends of your hair as he speaks to a random person who walked up to you, clinging to your shirt/sleeves when he’s analyzing a situation and doesn't want you to go forward just yet, or even as simple as holding your hand as he leads you home

Tim also keeps small snacks/waters on hand at all times to protect you from Gotham heat and pesky hunger, very much like a mother hen because he also carries a first aid kit everywhere

He follows you whenever you walk alone around Gotham at night, he’s already on patrol so he might as well make sure you make it home safe, if anything happens he won't think twice about intervening as RR

If your going out somewhere alone he always always always asks you to call him until you make it to your destination, he doesn't care if he's working on something or in the middle of a board meeting, he has an assistant for a reason who can give him notes

Its become a normal thing for you to send him your Uber tracking link so he can watch it, if you don't send it he won't hesitate to hack into your account just to find it

Damian Wayne

Damian? Wayne? Being subtle?

Its usually pretty obvious when Damian gets protective over you

He’s the type who won't hesitate to pull out a knife out of god knows where and threaten whatever is responsible for you being uncomfortable

This leads to very interesting encounters of you having to hold him back because ‘oh no a random guy bumped into you and didn't apologize’ and suddenly Damian is missing 

He’s also incredibly blunt, saying things like “Cover your drink” at galas or handing you one of those hand held tasers before you go out and saying “Go for the neck”

Will insist on training you himself, whether its hand-to-hand combat or with a sword, Damian wants to keep track of your progress himself so he can make sure all your weaknesses are trained

Its also because he doesn't want his grimy brothers near you, so its protective on all counts

But subtlety? Theres a few you can notice after being with him for awhile

He’s very careful when going out around Gotham with you, Damian knows he can fend for himself so he will gladly take the brunt of any possible situation

This leads to him always walking on whichever side of you thats closest to the road, so on the off chance a car derails, he’ll get hit first

Always making sure to match your pace when you two walk together, he doesn't want you getting too far ahead of him because he'd have to run to get to you, too far behind and he might not notice you getting taken silently, he wants you right in arms reach at all times

He has a permanent scowl and narrowed eyes but when he's protective, they get even more prominent

Bonus

All the BatBoys do the same exact thing out of instinct when it comes to protecting you

None of them will hesitate to step in between you and any attacker, pulling you behind them so they are in the line of fire now

Its a subtle action that each of them do, albeit with some differences

Damian will push the attacker back as far as he can from you, putting plenty of distance between the two of them and you, so if anything breaks out, you can run away easily

Dick will hold his arms out, fully covering you but keeping his hands in the fray so if the attacker tries attacking you from any angle, Dick is ready to protect

Tim will grip onto you somehow, keeping his hand right on your bicep or forearm so he can still hold you, he doesn't know if there can be a hidden attacker from behind that will pry you away from him, so touching you is his way of making sure he doesn't lose track of you

Jason will slip in front of you and cross his arms, its a sign of nonchalance but obvious dominance, showcasing that he doesn't need his hands to be intimidating to the attacker, he’ll glare and challenge them so all attention is on him now and not you

Taglist ♡

@anothertimdrakestan

@bungunz

@red-hood-redemption​