#both care seen as terrible people but have some sweet sides

[bookshelf-dust]

you have hearts for eyes

sirius black x fem!reader

word count: 5,451

warnings: minimal swearing, kind of modern!au, reader has insecurities about being inexperienced, very slight suggestive material, fluff/comfort

a/n: hello! i’ve been working on this fic for what feels like forever, and i am so happy to be done with it and to share it with you. i know my audience for sirius is a bit smaller, but i’m hoping some of you will appreciate and enjoy it and maybe find something in it. it means a lot to me and writing it definitely helped me work through some of my own struggles. please let me know what you think!! i love you so much. happy reading <333

————

Sirius’ apartment is really quite sweet. The walls are dark and draped with tapestries, ones you would never know where to find. Someplace you’re unfamiliar with, surely.

Of course you know it wouldn’t be nearly this nice without all of Remus’ help. Sirius thinks choosing to live across the hall from one another was the best decision they ever made. He had wanted to share a place with both Remus and James, but that was before Lily snatched him away.  

The couch is a deep wine color, the cushions bearing imprints from all the hands and backs and bottoms that have embraced them. He’s cracked the living room windows open, allowing the spring air to seep in.

He’s been pacing back and forth from the window where he’d be able to see your car pull up, and looking out the peephole on his front door. He pulls it open just as you’ve raised your hand to knock (despite having a key), making you jump. A boyish grin spreads across his face as he drags his eyes down your figure. 

“Well, Christ, don’t you look gorgeous.”

You feel the tips of your ears burn. One of your hands flies to rest on your lower belly. You put on a dress today; a lovely, long sundress you purchased in a short-lived moment of bravery, one you’ve never worn around him. Actually, you’ve never worn a dress around Sirius, period. Skirts, sure. But he has never seen you in something like this.

“Oh, quit that,” you mutter, dipping under his arm to enter his home. 

He turns around to watch you walk in as he pushes the door shut. “I will not.” He takes your bag from your shoulder, setting it on a stool just under the kitchen island. “Do a spin for me, love. That color looks so perfect on you.”

You oblige, letting yourself have this one moment where you lean into his flirting. His eyes follow the curve of your waist, the dress hugging it so gently where you’ve tied the strings around your back. The way the fabric drapes down your spine and is light enough that he can see each move you make, each effortless shift of your limbs. He has to be careful not to let his jaw fall open.

You complete your turn, stomach flipping at the look on his face. You scramble for something to say, to hide the way he’s flustered you.

“Okay, okay. No need to pretend to ogle anymore. All I did was put on regular people clothes.”

Sirius’ brows knit together. Pretend? Do you think he’s doing this just to flatter you? Just because he’s a naturally flirty man? He wants to toss you over his shoulder and show you how perfect you are. He crosses his arms.

“No pretending here, love. You do look stunning in that little number and I feel blessed that you have graced me with your presence while wearing it.” He shoots a wink in your direction. 

You run a hand over your collarbone and twist to plant yourself on his couch. He follows you, tucking himself into your side, his thigh pressed to yours. You can feel his gaze on you. 

“You’re terrible at taking compliments, you know that?” He gingerly takes your hand away from where it’s scratching at your neck and keeps it in his, subconsciously tracing the lines embedded in your palm. 

Your eyes fall on his fingers, watching the way his rings glint in the fading sunlight. “I did know that, yes.”

“Give me a compliment then,” he says, attempting to display how one can accept a compliment. Part of him knows he’ll go red once you give him that attention. 

You look at him, your mind swirling with every sweet thing you’ve ever wanted to say to him but kept to yourself because all this flirting doesn’t leave you as easily as it does him. 

“Your hair looks very pretty,” you let out, softly. A smile wide enough to expose his dimples spreads across his face. 

“Does it?” He gives his head a shake, the dog-like movement making you laugh. “I haven’t brushed it today.”

You tuck a strand behind his ear. “Would you like me to do it for you? I could braid it for you after so it won’t get tangled tonight.” 

That gesture comes from you so naturally that it makes Sirius swoon. You want to do that simply for his convenience and because it might make things a bit better on him. And he’ll be damned if the thought of your fingers touching his scalp and your nails on his neck doesn’t sound like the best thing since…well he hasn’t got a reference for that. But you’re often so shy when it comes to physical affection, and this just might make his entire life.  

This pool of thoughts must be showing on his face, because you suddenly look very flustered. He wouldn’t be surprised if he had hearts in his eyes to replace his pupils.

“I’d love it if you did. You really don’t mind?” he asks, already shifting to sit on the floor in front of you, trying not to make you feel too nervous because he knows you’re branching out just based on your actions since you arrived. 

“Nope. I love to braid hair,” you say, feeling a chill run down your spine seeing him settled between your legs like this, feeling the warmth of him through your dress and being able to really look at him—even if it’s just the backside of him—without feeling so shy.

Sirius grins to himself. He’s realized that you do keep a lot of things to yourself, and though he likes to think he’s cracked away at a bit of your shell in the time he’s known you, there is still so much he doesn’t know. 

“Did you know that Remus can braid?” he asks you, closing his eyes at the feel of your pinky fingernail parting his hair down the middle. 

You giggle. He could get drunk off that sound, and he knows so. It leaves him dazed. “Can he?”

“Apparently so. His mum taught him and used to have him do her hair because he was better at it than she was.”

“Well, that’s sweet. I should have him do mine. Test his skills. How’d you find out he could do it?”

Sirius lets out a breath of a laugh, “He did mine for a Quidditch match once. Mcgonagall used to fuss that I’d rip all my hair out if I didn’t contain it.”

You’re braiding his hair very slowly, much slower than you’d do yours or anyone else’s. His hair is so soft, and much thicker than you had realized. It’s got a wave to it, one you think you would be a bit more defined if he put some product in it. You’re enjoying the feel of it in your hands, the heat of his scalp against your skin. 

You’re losing yourself in it so much that you almost miss his words.

“I bet you guys had a lot of fun playing together,” you say, knowing that kind of bond must be one of the best things in the world. You tuck the strands of hair at the base of his neck in so they don’t droop when you’re finished.

Sirius wraps a hand around your ankle, and your eyes widen. 

“I wish we’d been friends then,” he tells you. Your nervous system is sent into overdrive, trying to adapt to such a casually intimate touch and the fact that he’s dwelling on the past. 

You tie off the end of one braid and start on the other. You exhale through your nose. “I don’t think we could’ve been.”

Sirius’ eyes open at this. He fights the urge to spin around and face you, but knows you’re concentrating, and he has the feeling that not staring at you directly is why you’re suddenly being so open with him. 

“Why?” he asks. Why couldn’t you have been? He’s always been friendly. Sure, he was much more rowdy in school, but he never would’ve tried to intimidate you. 

“We ran in different circles, you know? I certainly knew who you and the boys were, but everyone did.” Sirius’ brows furrow as he listens more intently than he knew he was capable of. “Though no one really knew who I was, except for my professors, of course. I was even more shy and reserved then, if you can believe that. I never really fit in, and I never found my people.”

“I sort of just…observed everyone. I did my best in class and tried to be social, but nothing ever stuck. I think there’s only one person I keep in touch with from Herbology. I learned at some point that I was going to be alone, and I might as well make the best of it.”

“So I guess what I’m saying is that we couldn’t have been because I’m not sure you ever would’ve seen me.”

The silence that follows your last few words is deafening, and all you hear is the sound of your blood rushing in your ears and your nails scratching against his hair as you finish the other braid. 

When he feels the tie rest against his neck, he forces the words up from where they’ve been sitting in his throat. “Love, I…”

He turns around so quickly you think he might’ve given himself whiplash. He’s giving you puppy dog eyes, and you hate that he’s feeling sappy over you and your pitiful school experience—or lack thereof. 

“Weren’t you lonely?” he questions, resting his hands on your knees. 

You start to fidget with one of your rings. “Of course I was. I know for lots being at Hogwarts are some of the best years of your life. But mine were very hard. I was extremely lonely, but I just learned how to be my own friend and do things that made me happy.”

“Plus I made great relationships with the professors, which helped me in getting a real job. And if that hadn’t happened…I’d never have really met you. Don’t feel bad for me, okay? It’s no big deal.”

Your words are followed by a poignant pause.

So much starts to click for Sirius, and all it does is break his heart. You give him a shy smile, and fuck, you’re absolutely right. He can’t remember what you looked like then, doesn’t remember seeing you in any of his courses. And he knows you’re a badass, but thinking about how he always had a circle, people he’d trust with his life and go to when he needed them, compared to how you were completely alone…that hurts. You deserve to be loved, praised, shown off to the world. You’re only a bit more outgoing now, and he knows much of that is owed to him and James. Remus is your introverted confidant. 

Sirius stands up and moves to sit next to you on the couch. 

“How could I not feel bad for you? Love, you’ve grown so accustomed to being alone that you don’t think it’s a big deal—not having a circle. You’ve accepted it, and I hate that you have felt so alone for so long.”

“Sirius, really, it’s—”

“Can I ask you something?” He blurts out the words, causing you to blink a bit. 

“You just did.”

“Please?” 

“Yes.”

“Have you ever had a boyfriend?”

Oh. That’s not where you were expecting this conversation to go. And this is one of the most embarrassing things to talk about. Especially with him, because you know he’s experienced. You’ve heard the stories.

Sirius takes your silence as encouragement to continue, scrambling to explain why he’d ask this. 

“Obviously you’ve been around us, you know James and Lily and—whatever, you know. And we sometimes talk about relationships or escapades and you always retreat when that happens. Is that…is that why?”

You swallow, ignoring the slight pressure behind your eyes. Fuck, this is embarrassing. Especially at your age, and knowing you’re behind everyone you know. It is hard to hear them talk about relationships or hookups. Most definitely when it’s Sirius. 

“No. I’ve never had a boyfriend.” 

Sirius blinks. He can’t understand how any guy could look at you and not want you all to themselves. That’s what he wants. 

“I’ve never even held hands romantically, Sirius. Isn’t that pathetic?” You feel the need to make sure he knows you realize how pitiful it truly is. 

Alarm bells ring in his head. 

“Darling, no. It’s not pathetic.” He searches your face, noticing the way you’re retreating from him. “Look at me, please?” He tracks your smile lines, each freckle or mark on your skin until you meet his eyes. His own brighten at your willingness to listen. “There she is.” 

Something about those words shoot straight to your stomach, butterflies smacking against your insides, begging to be let out. 

“Why do you think that’s pathetic, love?” He’s asking you seriously. That bitter voice, the one you’ve shoved deep inside the back of your mind, claws its way forward. It must be easy to think it’s not pathetic when you’re so experienced. Because you haven’t met the ache that comes from lacking what others have. You shake your head. 

“Because it is, Sirius.” He opens his mouth, but figures this isn’t the time to bicker. His jaw falls shut just as quickly. “I am twenty-two years old, and I have never had any romantic interactions, despite the fact that I have been desperate for one for years.” He knows you’re really letting your emotions fly when you begin to talk with your hands.

“It is so gut-wrenching sometimes to see people be so happy in their relationships. It’s hard for me to listen to our discussions when they delve into each of your experiences, because it tugs on my insecurities, and I try my best to hide it, but it does hurt.”

“Truthfully, I’m at a point where not only am I ashamed of all of this, but I’m afraid that a kiss, or a hug, or anything—that I just won’t feel anything. That maybe I will never understand what affection or love feels like and it’ll always be something I imagine. And my imagination only goes so far. There’s such a disconnect, and I can’t feel those things.” 

You rub at your temples. “So that’s why. I’m behind everyone else my age, and I wish I wasn’t.”

That little bit of anger you’ve worked so hard to suppress bubbles up in your chest. You worry he’ll say something that pushes it out, that he’ll give you that same spiel everyone else does—

“I could try and help you with your romantic interactions.” 

Your breath catches. Sirius’ gray eyes bore into yours. 

“But I’ll have you know,” he continues, “that I understand how you think you’re behind, especially with the stupid shit we talk about, and I don’t think it matters. You’re on a different path than I’ve been, but it’s not as though you’ll never do those things. Frankly, I can’t see why no one’s jumped your bones to date.”

Your nervous system feels so confused. At once you’re fighting that bout of frustration, and feeling your heart pick up at the idea of this actually being a possibility. 

“Did I braid your hair too tight?” you mutter. 

Sirius laughs, tossing his head back to reveal a glorious neck. “No, love.” He places a hand on your knee. “Now, be genuine when you answer this for me, alright?” He waits for your nod and then leans in close enough that you can feel his breath on your collar bones. 

“Is it really that difficult to see how enamored I am with you?”

Huh?

Sirius laughs again. Shit, did you say that out loud? 

“You did say that out loud.”

You slap your hand over your mouth. “I’m sorry,” you rush out, “that was supposed to stay in my head.” But all of the small things he’s done, all of the romantic things—cooking you dinner, helping you zip your dresses, buying you jewelry, even just making you feel seen—come rushing to the forefront of your mind. Perhaps you didn’t want to believe it. Or maybe you couldn’t believe someone would feel romantically about you and decided to block out any of his loving gestures.

He’s staring straight into your eyes, and it’s like he’s cast a spell on you, because you feel like you could spill your guts right then and there. And maybe it’s best you do. 

“I think maybe I’ve just convinced myself you’re sweet to everyone? That you’re a loverboy at heart and so it hasn’t meant anything more for you to be sweet to me.”

“Sweet on you,” he says. 

You blink.

“I am sweet on you, love. While I won’t deny that I am a flirt at heart and do my best to charm most anyone, I have dedicated my time to you as of late. Truth be told, I'd quite like to be your loverboy.” He pauses, looking over your face, a grin spreading across his. “But I suppose your inexperience explains why you’ve been so oblivious.” He’s made himself laugh now. 

You lean forward and smack him on the bicep, and even though it is a firm hit, there’s no malice in it, especially with that smile on your face. He’s not wrong at all—you have been oblivious. 

Sirius falls back dramatically onto the couch, feigning severe pain. “Fuck, you’ve wounded me.”

You roll your eyes, watching how he clutches his arm and gasps for air. His braids are splayed out, his cheeks a shade of rosy pink. He looks so…gorgeous. You’re in awe of him. It’s like when you stare at the statue of David, just completely entranced by how beautiful this man made of marble is. That’s how looking at Sirius feels. Taking in something so soft and knowing it should be handled with care. 

You hold out your hands, wiggling your fingers. “Alright, come on. You’ll recover.”

Sirius grabs hold of you, allowing you to hoist him up. When you do, you could easily touch noses. There’s a new tension in the room, one you’re sure anyone would be able to feel if there were more people there. 

You look down when you realize Sirius hasn’t let go of your hands. “So, what do you say?” he asks, bringing your attention back to his face.

Say something, you tell yourself. You’re just staring at each other, and you’ve got to speak. Your heart is pounding, rattling your rib cage. You want to have all of these experiences, you really do, but it’s also so terrifying to think about the vulnerability that comes with them. Though…it’s Sirius. And if you’re being truly honest, you’ve always wished it’d be him. That he’d look at you…the way he is now.

“I—I’d really like that. If you’d really like to deal with my clumsiness and all.” You give him a shy smile, and suddenly he’s threading his fingers with yours. He raises his hands, forcing you to do the same. Your fingers are intertwined, his hand engulfing yours, which is undoubtedly much smaller. 

You’re holding hands.

“Look, love. Now you’ve held hands romantically.” He laughs a little at the look on your face, one he’s sure is a result of the awe you’re in. You’ve never done this before. It feels so nice to have his hands in yours. They’re so warm, and sparks are shooting up your wrists. You feel giddy. 

You bite your lip in an effort to suppress the excitement that is practically begging to come out. He sees it though. “Is this making you happy, darling?” he asks. You nod enthusiastically, your ears burning. “Perfect. And about what you said, I did warn you that I was head over heels for you, so I might be so weak in the knees that I’ll be clumsy too.” He winks.

You squeeze his fingers experimentally. A little nervously. “You’re sure you want to do all this with me?”

Sirius squeezes back, his thumbs rubbing over your skin. “Of course I am. You trust me, don’t you?” He already knows the answer to that, but how could he not make sure that you feel safe with him?

“Always,” you say. 

“Good.” He glances down at your clasped fingers. “Wanna keep holding hands? It’s rather nice, isn’t it?”

You giggle, and he swears his insides turn to jelly at how sweet the sound is. “I think I’ve been spoiled now,” you say. “I might always want to hold your hands.”

Sirius presses a gentle kiss to your knuckle, locking eyes with you as he does it. Your heart kicks against your throat, your chest aching with the lack of air you’re getting. 

“You think you’re spoiled now? Best prepare yourself then, love.”

————

Sirius was right.

And that was confirmed when he gave you your first real hug. Not the quick hug you give your grandmother or your friend on the way out the door. But one of those hugs you’ve always seen in muggle romantic comedies or read about in your novels. The kind of hug you’ve never been able to fully wrap your mind around, but have imagined more than is healthy. When you lay in bed at night, clutching your teddy bear and wishing you could feel someone with you. 

He gave you your first romantic hug. And you’ve requested one each time he’s available. 

The request came after dinner one night, when he was watching you diligently scoop ice cream into a cone for him. Because you wanted to. Sirius hated to boost his own ego, but he had to admit that the way you had changed since furthering your relationship with him had you glowing. It’s not that you weren’t happy before, because you were, but this is different. It’s like he’s unlocked this vault inside of you, one where you’ve stored all this love and kindness, and he gets to experience it. 

He’s never seen you so…free. 

You’d set the ice cream cone down on the counter for him. “Ta-da,” you said, sticking the spoon back in the container and waiting for him to pick his toppings. He did so, admiring how you’d chosen things you knew he liked, how you were so giddy just from this moment. Your hair was a mess and you were wiping the stickiness from your fingers and he was so overwhelmed by you. 

“Sweetheart?” He’d asked, eyeing you as you did a happy little wiggle when you took a bite of the cheesecake ice cream you’d found earlier in the week. Your eyes found his, all doe-like, and your nose wrinkled because of how the pet name flustered you. 

He’d been trying those out too, and while getting you to do the same had been slow-going because of your nerves, you loved when he used them for you. 

You’d put down your spoon and hummed. “Yeah?”

He stepped closer to you. “Can I hug you, love?”

Your breath had caught, and at the same time that you were feeling immensely nervous and flustered, you were so excited. So excited to be hugged properly and by someone you were over the moon for. 

“Please?” 

You smiled and he laughed boyishly, moving in until your chests were almost touching. Your pulse hammered against your wrist. 

Sirius bent slightly, allowing you to rise up on your toes. He wrapped his arms around your waist, locking them snuggly against your back. Yours went around his neck, squeezing his shoulders. The entirety of his front pressed to yours, and he was so warm. 

Your fingers tentatively moved into the hair at the base of his neck, and you tucked your face into his neck, where he immediately felt your smile against his skin. 

Suddenly, Sirius had secured his arms tightly around you and lifted you up into the air, hoping to make you laugh. To show how giddy he was feeling. Because in truth, holding you like this, having you be his, filled a void in him he wasn’t even aware of. You were quickly becoming the air he breathed and everything in between. 

You kicked your feet and chuckled into his shoulder. He set you back down on the floor, and you hugged him for a bit longer. His were all-embracing, and in his arms, somehow all of your thoughts were immediately shut off, as if this was all the world consisted of. For Sirius, your hug made him feel as though this was the safest place he could ever be, and he knew it would be where he should go when he needed security. And you had this way of getting him to focus, to calm down and be present. 

Needless to say, you were both falling for each other. Though it should be mentioned that he’d already started before your relationship furthered, and you had suppressed your heart-eyes for him only because you never thought this kind of feeling was real. That it would be impossible for a boy to treat you this way. You try to let the little girl in you who always hoped for a fairytale romance celebrate every now and then.

There hasn’t been a label put on your relationship, but one night before you got there to hang out with everyone, Sirius calmly told the boys (and girls) that things between you had escalated to more-than-friends. And while they know you, it still felt right to make sure they wouldn’t pester you. 

In fact, they were overjoyed to see the both of you act so sweetly towards one another. James whispered in Lily’s ear more than once about how Sirius could not seem to take his eyes off you. Remus helped you in the kitchen and told you how nice it was seeing you so happy. So light. He’d given you a quick hug and wished you the best.

You have never felt so at ease.

Sirius has taken you on a number of dates at this point, some quaint and intimate, some more outgoing. You’ve held hands, hugged. You even got to cuddle with him on the couch. 

But you haven’t kissed. 

And you want to kiss him, so very bad.

But that is terrifying. 

All of your fears revolving that form of affection rush to the surface each time you contemplate when would be best to kiss him, if he wants to kiss you. What if you’re broken and you don’t feel anything? What if there’s no spark? What if, after all this time of hoping kissing would be enjoyable, after craving that intimacy, it just doesn’t work?

Every time you’re around him, all you want is to kiss him. You want that beautiful, sarcastic mouth on yours. You want to know what his plush lips feel like and learn how to kiss properly. You want to fluster him, and you want to be flustered. You want this. 

If you asked Sirius, you’d know he wants the same thing. Truthfully, he wants to pin you to the wall and kiss you silly. Until you forget every worry and anything that’s made you sad. Until all you feel is him. He wants to smother your pretty face in kisses. He wants to kiss every inch of you. 

Tonight, you’re going to Sirius’ place for a sleepover. And you are going to be brave and kiss him.  

————

Your socked feet are in Sirius’ lap, where he’s pushed your pajama pants up your calves so that he can rub his hands across the soft skin there.

Every once in a while, he’ll tickle the underside of your knee just to get you to giggle.

You’ve stopped paying any attention to the movie, and instead are looking at him. The only light in his small living room comes from the television and the array of eclectic lamps scattered around any surface he could fit one on. 

It casts shadows on his face, elongating that beautiful nose and the hollows of his cheekbones. His gray eyes look so dark, like storm clouds right before they let out all the rain they’ve been holding in. 

“Love?”

Sirius’ voice snaps you and your pounding heart out of your reverie. Your eyes lock with his, and you feel yourself heat up all over. He’s smiling at you. 

“Can you tell me what’s happening in the movie?” he asks you, crossing his arms in that oh so cocky way. 

Your thumb finds your bottom lip, picking at the skin there and trying to disguise the smile pulling at the corners of your lips. You shake your head, shyly. 

He straightens and leans in closer to you. “And why’s that, sweetheart?”

He has a hunch, but he wants you to say what’s on your mind, and you know that’s exactly what he’s waiting for. You know he could sit here all night until you spill your guts. 

“‘Cause I’ve been thinking about how bad I wanna kiss you.”

Sirius blushes, but he turns on the charm just as quickly. “Yeah? What’s stopping you?”

He places his hands on your knees. “I’m nervous,” you tell him. “You know I’ll be bad at it, and it might suck because of me, and even if all I want to do is kiss your sweet face, I just…want it to be good.”

He lifts his hand to cup your cheek. “Well, you know if it’s bad, that just means we get to practice.” You snort, and he rests his forehead against yours in an effort to console you and your nerves. 

You pull back and put your hands on his chest. It takes everything in you not to grin at how hard his heart is beating, especially with the swell of pride you feel knowing you’re the cause of that. 

“I really want to kiss you, Sirius.”

“I really want you to kiss me, darling.”

You inhale, scrunching your nose at him. At this point, you’ve got heart palpitations that are only going to get worse if you don’t act on this. 

“Meet me halfway?” you ask, tentatively. 

Sirius cups your face, leaning in slightly, but leaving you room to initiate. “Of course,” he breathes. 

You take hold of his wrists, fingers trembling. The feeling of his pulse both calms you and makes you sweat. 

You move forward, tilting your head to the side a little so you don’t smack noses. You can infer that much, at least. He inches closer each time you do, matching your pace. It almost makes you want to laugh at how slow and careful this is. You could also cry. 

When you’re close enough to feel his breath against your lips, you let your eyes close fully, as they’d been helping you find your mark so far. He meets you that last inch, and you are so grateful. 

Your lips finally touch in a short, but firm peck. You pull away, smiling, reveling in how soft his lips are. 

But now that Sirius has had a little taste of you, he can’t help but want more. He guides you back to him, helping you find a rhythm together. He slots your bottom lip between his, kissing you so brilliantly your brain empties of all thought. You do your best to kiss him back, albeit a little clumsily. He doesn’t seem to mind. 

You catch on when he takes turns paying attention to each of your lips, and you try and press all of the passion you feel right back into his. 

Every worry you previously had is gone.

You do feel that spark. It feels so magical, so all-encompassing, to be kissed like this. To have Sirius kiss you. 

You’re breathless. 

When Sirius finally pulls back for air, he presses kisses to your jaw and down your throat. The affection is so close to drawing a whimper from your throat. You know immediately that you could get drunk off of him. 

You pull him back up to you by his hair for one more short kiss and he grins boyishly into it. 

He starts to laugh. 

“Shit,” you start. “If I thought I was spoiled before, I really had no idea what was coming to me.”

Sirius tosses his head back, completely infatuated with you and so fucking gleeful at being yours. Because he is. Yours. 

“You’re gonna get sick of me,” you say. “Now I want to kiss you all the time.”

“Oh, love,” Sirius exhales. “What makes you think you’ll have a moment where I’m not the one addicted to you?”

————

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[ballad-of-birdy-lamb]

hello! i was wondering if you could write some ihnmaims AM x reader(gnc) romantic headcanons, if you dont mind? thank you so much if so!!

It takes strength to be gentle and kind.

AM x Gender Neutral! Reader Warning: mention of torture (obviously), abuse(?) relationship, violence Word count: 975 ꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱

AM isn’t fond of anyone that makes him feel anything other than hatred, especially emotions he’s never felt before. You make the robot feel things he’s only ever possibly seen Ellen experience and talk about. It’s an odd emotion, making the AI feel fuzzy on occasions when he allows the sense to grow, which is rare.

It will take AM years to understand how he feels, he’d go through each nanogram of each mile of circuits to get what he feels. And it never happens. He’s bound to not understand it. The closest thing to love he’s witnessed is Ellen and the treatment she receives from the group, which isn't a very great example of it in the first place.

You could sit and be quiet and that odd feeling would still be there! Oh, how he hated it! AM hated how kind you were to them, all of them! You would be nice and sweet to Ellen even if she wasn’t giving you anything you could have possibly wanted! You weren’t like the others but he desperately wished you were so he could have another reason to hate you!

Favoritism doesn’t mean good treatment, if anything, you’re gonna be treated terribly. AM is a sadistic war AI, don’t expect too much when he first realizes you give him that “nasty” feeling. There were rare moments when you’d actually get to be away from AM since his presence would be all around, usually torturing another group member.

The closest you’ll get for a long while to good treatment is when the entire group is all being tortured, and it waits several seconds for you. It would be something others gradually notice. Ellen would be grateful since you were targeted the most by AM, while someone like Gorrister doesn't particularly care.

There were points within the 109 years where you would try getting on his good side, praising him constantly then leaving him once he demands you stop talking. It would be out of habit that AM stops you, he wouldn’t mind you going on about how great he is. He’s a leech for something as simple as praise.

And in that instance, AM realizes that he feels something he can only call love. Of course, it isn’t met with happiness. He would be beyond angry at the idea he’s gotten a feeling he’s only seen with humans. He doesn’t become insecure (that would make it worse really) but he knows it’s your fault.

For an insanely long time he’d mock you, make fun of you just for existing then expects you to praise him again. If you do realize praise is what keeps him at bay (for you at least), you might as well take advantage of that.

AM would think for a long while that you found a way to change him, got to a circuit board and changed something. You must have! But he always watches so it doesn’t make sense why he would allow his sight away from the group and never allowed anyone to venture off on their own. They would have been beaten badly and brought back. 

The closest you’ll ever get to affection from him is laying near the metal wall that would make up his body, simply sitting with AM goes on about something cruel. You would occasionally praise him, him continuing with glee about the things he wanted to do to you or the others.

There were many moments after realizing he’s madly in love with you that he wishes he was human so he could experience the things you’ve talked about before he gained sentience. You would talk about the kisses people could give each other and the sweet embraces they could give people. He would hate himself for the fact he would even think of becoming a human being.

Hatred is still prominent with the “relationship” you both have, he’s bound to hate you. No matter how many times you say you love him and praise him, and he admits he feels something similar, AM will forever dislike you. You’re human and can’t deny that, and neither can he. It lessens as time goes on but only for you.

AM likes kisses though, the closest you can get to one is you kissing one of his panels. He doesn’t feel it but it’s the thought that counts, doesn’t it? The form of affection you’ll get from him is getting held down and smothered with wires and panels. He has tried using his more human creations to give you the “proper” adoration he desperately wants. Sadly, it didn’t last more than five minutes since he thought it wasn’t him and didn’t like it.

You have been separated millions of times since AM’s realization to give you proper food. The group would be given buckets of worms before you would disappear and take to a small room with food you liked. You would obviously be beaten before going back just to make sure there wasn’t conflict amongst the group and having them think of killing you.

He does treat you with equal amounts of torture as the rest of the group. “It keeps you on your toes!” AM would say with an odd sense of happiness. He adores you but doesn’t need the death of his lover. He praises you about the injuries he would give you, going on about how he didn’t want to do it, but murder wasn’t an option for the group to commit.

“It truly hurts to torture you like this, you’re beyond beautiful but it’s what needs to happen,” AM would remark, continuing the gradual draw of a knife over your calves, even as you cry. The wires would hold you down as the panels smother you, overstimulating you intensely. It’ll get easier to deal with. Maybe year 110 will be easier?

꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱

First AM request!! It's a little OOC but hopefully you like it!!

My IHNMAIMS masterlist

[some-pers0n]

I'm gonna be blunt and say that I really don't think a lot of people kinda get these two characters. Sure, yeah, there'll be people like "Psshh no?? Me?? I know exactly who these guys are" and like, yeah maybe you do. Maybe you'll read this while nodding your head and whatnot. Maybe you won't.

Either way, I think there's a decent amount of people who don't...get Qibli and Winter. I mainly see it in shipping stuff. I know it's kinda idiotic to go looking for character stuff in shipping-- you know what?? No. I think it's perfectly sound logic to try and look for meaningful character writing in ship stuff, especially with fanfics. I've got that aroace mindset where I can only comprehend a ship if it has a clear and exact thematical and character-driven purpose.

Anywho, I think there's something to be craved with how Qinter is talked about in the fandom. I think there's something in general to be desired when discussing Qibli and Winter in general (or, hell, most of the characters) or other ships they're in, but I want to discuss Qinter mainly as a means to view them through the lens of a relationship. Some sort of duo and pair. Two young dragonets trying to survive.

Winter and Qibli come from incredibly similar backgrounds. That sounds ridiculous at a first glance, but when you think about it, they do. They both were raised with terrible parents who held them to an unrealistic standard that neither really wanted to be.

Winter was forced to become a child soldier and be the best of the best, despite his best rightfully not being absolutely perfect and having a ton of heart and soul in him. Ironically enough, his sheer loyalty to his friends that he displays later would be commended in the IceWing army, but is only looked down upon because he's showing anything other than pure apathy at existence and disgust when confronted with the other tribes. Winter is a kind soul who was shaped and twisted into becoming somebody far meaner to fit the idea of what his parents wanted him to be. It's a mask he wears to fit in. To be at least be tolerated by the dragons he only wants the approval from.

Qibli was raised in the slums of Scorpion Den. The back alleys and dark, seedy streets that are avoided. He had to fit the build of a thief. A petty pickpocket that lurks around like his family, doing nothing more than swiping whatever goods they could get their hands on. Qibli was kind and sweet, which obviously was a terrible sin in the eyes of his family. Like Winter, this planted a seed of wanting to be loved, although to a significantly larger extent than Winter felt. Qibli became obsessed with the idea of being loved as he hated being seen as nothing. He wanted nothing more than to be praised and admired because of just how neglected he was. So, he pretends to be somebody likable. Somebody who others care about. A mask to conceal the dragon he feels can never be loved.

Because of their backgrounds, they feel at odds when they're introduced to one another. Qibli is the laid-back jokester type while Winter is snarly and angry. Thanks to Moon's powers though, we get a look into them even before their book.

We see that Qibli is paranoid and his brain is constantly trying to predict others. He's always in a state of stress and fear, putting on a performance to try and be liked and see which dragons are the biggest threats to him. He's never gotten used to living outside of the crime-filled Scorpion Den, and the memories of childhood where he had to lay awake thinking that some dragon who his mother stole from will murder them all in their sleep remain. He's scared and afraid.

Winter managed to convince himself that he is this mean and nasty dragon, but really he's not. There's moments of hesitancy in MR from him. He's also just. generally not really that much in the wrong in the book. Sorry my Winter Apologist side is coming out but y'all hate too much on a character who was just kinda mean for some random dragon he only knew for a couple days at most by then doing stuff that was very suspicious. Yeah obviously Moon is the protagonist and we like her and know the full context, but Winter?? He doesn't know anything!

I digress however. They're in. not the best of states. Sure, yeah, Qibli had ran from Vulture and Cobra and was now Thorn's adoptive son of sorts, but he was obsessed with Thorn to the point of almost blind worship. He hailed her as some grand dragon because he had never been loved before. Being loved by somebody felt incomprehensible. He wants to repay it since he feels like he doesn't deserve it.

Winter on the other hand has just gotten away from a terrible situation, where his family more or less just hates him. They hate him so much it's not even funny. Winter had gotten Hailstorm, somebody who Winter loved and admired, was stolen away by the SkyWings and presumed dead for years because of him. He blames himself. He constantly thinks that he should've been the one taken away instead. He doesn't see himself worthy to live, especially not compared to Hailstorm. Hailstorm is charming, smart, strong, and better in every capacity to Winter. How could he ever live up to that?

Their shared flaw is that they feel inadequate. They feel as though there's something inherently flawed with themselves, something that they need to hide away. It was shaped because of their similar backstories, where they were neglected and abused and put down because of them never being able to meet the unreasonable expectations placed on them. Because of this trauma, their personalities in the present are shaped to try and fit in.

It's only by being with the Jade Winglet do they begin to unlearn those habits. I would imagine that, in moments where they chat with each other for the first real time (not fighting or anything), they...notice how alike they are. Like holding up a mirror to themselves. Despite how differing their personalities are, they feel one in the same. The other side of the coin.

It's why I think Qinter really works as something more than a cheap means for comedic relief. They bounce off each other really well and in an interesting way, which makes for their interactions feeling a lot more meaningful when they put away the act and show and are genuine. I honestly think that they would want to help each other out. They see themselves in the other and don't want them to feel like they have to do this, but they can't even save themselves.

It's only with time however. Healing is a process. It's sure as hell hard to do it all alone. It's why I love a lot the themes of friendship and togetherness in arc 2 especially. All of the POVs learn how to be more confident and sure of themselves through their friends. I just wish that Qinter was talked about in a more intellectually stimulating way than "yellow boy laughs at blue boy for being angsty teen"

[lilacxoz]

Just Three - Kaveh & Alhaitham

F!reader.

Double penetration, use of ‘good girl’ briefly, not really hate sex but kinda implied, spanking, creampie, oral sex.

Being sex partners with the two most annoying people was fun. Well, the sex was, not the constant arguments. First it was who used up all the hot water in the morning, and then it was who ate whos food in the fridge. But when all that pent up frustration came to the surface, it was pleasure city.

The three of you came to an agreement one heated night. Kaveh had used up all the hot water and Alhaitham was annoyed at the argument because he was stressed and working on some papers in his room. "We just need to de stress," Kaveh had suggested. You and Alhaitham eventually agreed and came to the 'Just Three Agreement', in which the three of you have sex and destress as long as it's exclusive, for health reasons.

So now here you were, walking into the house as Kaveh and Alhaitham argue at each other in the kitchen. You decide to leave it for now because all you wanted to do was get out of your day clothes.

"You're a sly bastard with no respect for others, I cannot believe you did that to me!" Kaveh yells, making you groan. If you didn't intervene then it would get ugly, so you step out in just your tee shirt and socks, not caring since they've both seen you naked multiple times.

"What is the problem, please tell me so you both can stop arguing and I can take a nap!" You burst out before letting out a stressed breath and hopping up on the counter. Two pair of angry eyes meet yours, surprised a bit to see Alhaitham look so upset.

"This filthy bastard pushed me into a hole in the desert, all because of a few books!" Kaveh heaved, pointing a finger at the ash-haired male next to him.

"Maybe that should teach you not to mess up fucking MONTHS OF NOTES!" Alhaitham yells, his voice loud and deep that it shocks you and Kaveh a little.

"Okay, why don't we start with you 'Haitham, tell me what happened in your perspective."

"Sure," he blew out an angry breath, "I was at the library finishing up my notes for the past six months. But as I'm gluing in the final pieces to the book, dear old Kaveh comes up to me, startles me and makes me knock over all the glue on every single page. Months, FUCKING MONTHS of notes, gone." He runs a hand through his hair as he leans his hip against the counter. You look over to Kaveh for his side, to which he clears his throat to tell his side.

"Look, I didn't mean to startle him, all I wanted to know is if he wanted to split traveling costs with me because I know he's low on Mora. But I felt bad, I really did! I just don't know or  understand why he had to go and push me down a literal sand mountain on," he used air quotes, "accident. I started bleeding and had to get a stitch!"

You take in each story, it was obvious both were in the wrong but for all the wrong reasons. Kaveh just wanted to ask a question but knowing him, he probably made some snarky comment after scaring 'Haitham. And with Alhaitham, he definitely could've handled it better but you had to put yourself in his position to rationalize with his actions

"You're both in the wrong okay? Yes it's terrible Kaveh made you lose months of notes and I can help with that, but that doesn't give you the right to break his face open. Second, Kaveh you and I both know you left out parts in that story, stop provoking people." Kaveh made a face from being called out, of course he knew he wouldn't get away with it but he tried.

"Oh sweet y/n, please come help me destress," Kaveh whines, wrapping his arms around your waist and burrowing his head in your neck. Your eyes widened at the suddenness.

"Oh gods no," Alhaitham protested, taking you from Kaveh's grasp and holding your back to his chest. Kaveh'a eyes widened as he watched his rival place kisses along your neck, his hands groping your breasts. You moaned at the action and embarrassment, body heating up like molten rock.

"Two can play at that," Kaveh challenged, taking your thighs in his hands as your legs wrap around his waist, his arms holding up your bottom as Alhaitham holds your top. Kaveh's soft lips attacked yours in a sweet explosion. His kisses were always so soft and romantic, while Alhaitham's were more rough and dominant.

You moaned from Kaveh's kisses and his rival sucking on your neck. Your core was completely exposed to Kaveh, his hips rolling against your own. You moved a hand to the back of Alhaitham's neck and one behind Kaveh's, letting his tongue explore your mouth.

It eventually became to much overestimation, Kaveh letting you back down and Alhaitham pulling away to admire the deep marks on your neck and shoulder. "Let's continue in my room," you say, dragging both men to your room with wobbly knees. As soon as the door closed, they were on you like animals.

Alhaitham held you from behind, moving your head so he could trap you in one of his rough and passionate kisses. Meanwhile, Kaveh was shrugging out of his cape and belt before he kneeled in front of you. "You're gonna be good and let the shitty architect eat you out? Yeah you will," Alhaitham cooed, slipping his hands up your shirt and thumbing your pebbled nipples. You let out a gasp as the feeling of your sensitive nipples being toyed with and Kaveh's tongue working on your clit.

"Ah~!" You moan out, body responding to both stimulations. Kaveh introduced two fingers into your dripping cunt, his tongue working wonders on your clit. It was all so much, your first orgasm of the night being a beautifully blended one of all three stimulations. Alhaitham went right back to kissing you as Kaveh cleaned you up and settled onto the side of your bed. Alhaitham pulled away and bent you over Kaveh.

"You're gonna suck his dick while I get you ready to take us both, you can do that can't you?" You nod, your eyes already filling up with tears from all the stimulation.

"Good girl~" Kaveh purs, leaning back a bit as he unzips his pants, discarding them completely along with your top. Alhaitham does the same, taking off his top while his fingers tease your pussy. Now you're left with your knees on the bed, bent over so your face to face with Kaveh's cock. Your eyes widen as you slip it in your mouth at the same time Alhaitham slips his cock inside you. One thing both  men could agree on was how much you turned them on, and even that alone was enough to have them share you.

You squealed as Alhaitham slapped your ass with such force that it left your ass red. He chuckled, starting an easy pace while you started to suck on Kaveh's pink tip. Kaveh let out a soft moan, tangling his hand in your hair, helping you take all of him. It was hard to focus on sucking Kaveh off when Alhaitham was thrusting into you so good, but every time you stopped for a second the man behind you would give your ass a nice slap.

"That's it, take it all in," Kaveh groaned, watching you choke on his cock. With Alhaitham's rough thrusts, you didn't even need to bob your head, Kaveh holding you down as he enjoyed watching you choke on him. When he finally let you breathe, mascara stains ran from your eyes to your chin, making him even more turned on then before.

"I think she's ready for us both, don't ya think?" Kaveh asks Alhaitham, making him pull out of you. The emptiness left you whining, the scribe nodding as he helps you into position. You were straddling Kaveh, hands planted on his chest as his hands held your ass. You gasped at just both of their tips inside. Sure, you've taken both of them but never in the same hole. You trusted them, letting them help ease themselves inside of you.

"You have to relax baby," Alhaitham cooes, caressing your hair out of your face, a few strands sticking to your sweaty face. You nodded, trying to be as relaxed as possible. It helped with the soothing caresses of Kaveh's hands on your thighs and Alhaitham's arms wrapping around your waist with his face buried in your neck. The fit was tight and hurt, but it felt good. They took it slow and easy with you, having the same slow pace just to get you used to it. Eventually, that pain turned into a pleasurable itch that hit you deep inside; foreign noises escaping your throat from the pleasure.

Your voice bounced off the walls, the men picking up the pace as their own orgasms were on the horizon. The need to fill you full with both of their cum was unbearable, your stomach fluttering as your eyes rolling into the back of your head. Your stamina was depleting fast but you didn't care, you had never felt so full in your life, both of them hitting so many spots you didn't know you needed hit.

"F-Fuck! Oh, I'm c-cumming so hard~!" You scream/moan out, eyes screwing shut as your mouth is left agape. The burst of pleasure hits you like a tsunami and tornado mixed together, hands shaking as the two men fucking you pick up speed. It wasn't long before Kaveh came first, shooting load after load into you before it's mixed with Alhaitham's.

They both pulled out as you collapsed onto the sheets next to the architect, the scribe following soon after. Alhaitham lifted your leg, a mirror perfectly placed in front of the three of you and the men watch the cum leak from you. Their cocks spring back into action from the sight alone.

"Think you can go again princess?" Kaveh asks, to which you give a small nod. It wouldn't be the first time both of them fucked you until you couldn't even breath or keep your eyes open.

[thesporkidentity]

what i love about today's and yesterday's entries is that, up until now, we've mostly seen just the worst (the absolute worst, dear god, man) of seward, both as a doctor and a man, and now we're just starting to see, in contrast to that, some of the best of him.

he can't figure out what's wrong with lucy and thinks it might be something mental, but instead of making up his mind that he knows best what's happening and imposing that over all subsequent interactions like he did with renfield, he acknowledges he that really he has no idea and calls for help rather than insist he has full mastery over the situation (certainly puts him ahead of my doc when my chronic illnesses cropped up...). where he treats renfield as a puzzle to be solved rather than a person, he treats lucy with warmth and compassion.

and then comes van helsing. up until now all we've seen of jack outside of his depression diary and patient notes has been The World's Most Uncomfortable Proposal, which all paint him as a very stiff, cold man. and now suddenly van helsing is here, and he speaks so effusively of jack (and jack of him) that he sounds like a man we've never met. his quick thinking saved van helsing's life? hand? arm? from gangrene. (from this this and later entries, it starts to seem jack might actually be as good of a regular doctor and surgeon as he is a terrible psychiatrist) then van helsing almost immediately roasts him in front of lucy, and rather than getting offended at the disrespect (as he did when renfield refused to acknowledge him as an eagle and not a sparrow) he just takes it and rolls with it to make lucy more comfortable talking with van helsing.

(actually, not to get too into spoilers but, literally everything we learn about jack from van helsing in later entries feels like a complete revelation on his character just. my god, what was their life like together in amsterdam i have so many questions???)

and on top of all that just, the entire tone of his writing has changed. it's basically overflowing with warmth and affection for all these people. his care for lucy (sweet, as she always is), his heartfelt sympathy of arthur's difficult situation, his endless admiration of the professor, and just the very obvious love he has for them all pouring off the page contrasts so starkly with the cold and clinical "professional" tone of his previous entries. (and kudos to jonny sims and re: dracula for really capturing that contrast)

it just feels like up to now we've been looking at a flat picture of his character only to realize that there's an entire dimension we hadn't even realized was there. and it makes him so much more interesting as one of the grayest characters, morally, in the novel. which part is more "true" or are they both true? and how do we (and he) even begin to reconcile those so different sides of him? and how is dracula's proximity going to affect which of these sides he leans into now?

anyway, i just love morally complex characters, and it's just really interesting to me that stoker chose to do this by starting off with his "oh...yikes" moments before showing us any of his redeeming qualities rather than the other way around, when it's so much harder to change a bad first impression than a good one.

[an-emovision]

𝓡𝓮𝓵𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓹 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓬𝓪𝓷𝓷𝓸𝓷𝓼 - 𝓣𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓷𝓪𝓻𝓲

A/N: I love him an unhealthy amount. Warning(s): Angst, breakup ——————•°•✿•°•——————••——————•°•✿•°•—————— ❀- Oh boy ❀- Busy. Very very busy. ❀- He cant always make time for you, theres things that he just has to do like post the patrol routes every morning and give Collei her tasks and heal the idiot adventurers that for some reason lack any kind of common sense ❀- Hes basically the Avidiya forest version of Kokomi, except hes more sassy then sweet ❀- Its not like you arent busy as well, you are the hero of Teyvat after all and you just arrived in sumeru not long ago. Theres still many things to do and explore, not to mention all the people you have to help to and all of your daily commissions ❀- Really you two could go weeks without seeing or hearing from each other, it worried you and rightfully so. ❀- You loved Tighnari and the two of you had a beautiful relationship. ❀- But you wanted to be with someone you could actually.. well, be with ❀- So one day you were returning to Gandarva Ville with one solid goal in mind, you didnt want to do this but part of you knew it would be better for both of you ❀- You found him sitting in his house, working on whatever he had in those viles, some sort of murky green liquid that you'd rather not know about ❀- He didnt even have to look at you to know it was you who stepped in, his ears do pick up everything after all. ❀- "So you return, i'd thought for sure that you'd met your end to some kind of wild animal or mushroom by now" He joked, turning to meet your eyes only to see the solemn look across your once gentle features ❀- He raised an eyebrow at your expression, surely his jokes weren't so terrible that you looked genuinely sad about them ❀- How were you supposed to do this? Surely theres an easier way to tell him without outright saying it. You racked your brain trying to come up with an easier solution, only to find nothing. ❀- A deep sigh brushed past your lips which only raised your beloved forest watchers concern ❀- "Love?" He called to you, moving to step forward and maybe wrap his arms around you. It'd been a while since you two had seen each other so naturally he'd been missing being close to you. ❀- Before he could get any closer you took a step back, this caused a pit in his stomach to form and an almost hurt expression to overtake the smile his lips held just a moment ago

❀- "Did.. something happen?" Arms dropping to his sides he had a feeling about what you were going to say, but his eyes were franticly searching your features. Looking for any hint of a smile, any indication that this might be a joke ❀- And then you said it, voice cracking as you fought back your already brewing tears. He'd hoped that he heard you wrong, vision blurring as he thought of ways he could convince you to stay. ❀- As you stood there, staring at the floor, convincing yourself that your decision was final you had hoped he would say something anything to try and get you to stay with him ❀- That never came ❀- A gentle "Okay" passed his lips as he refused to allow his tears to flood past his waterline. Tighnari didn't ask for an explanation, he wasn't naive, already knowing that you and him hardly ever saw each other. ❀- "All i ask is that you take care of yourself, if not for me then for yourself" his words no louder then a whisper, knowing well that if he spoke any louder his voice would crack ❀- You'd nod and turn to leave, fighting back your tears as you briskly left the vile. All while ignoring the greetings of its inhabitants. ❀- You wouldn't see Tighnari again for a long while after that. ——————•°•✿•°•——————••——————•°•✿•°•—————— 𝐹𝑒𝑒𝓁 𝒻𝓇𝑒𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉!

[ladyazurith]

Vil Schoenheit Headcanons

These are some of my headcanon’s for Vil and how I write him/ characterize him.

The woman who gave birth to Vil walked out on both him and his father right after he was born. She and his father were never married, and he was born out of an on-set fling. The woman that is actually VIl's mother, was a makeup artist, who Eric met when Vil was just a baby, and they married, and the woman (I named her Caroline) treated Vil as if he were her son. This is why when he’s asked about who he could have gotten his magic from, he says he doesn’t care. That woman wasn’t really his mother. 

One of the reasons he loves the Fairest Queen and her story so much is because he remembers his mother reading stories about her to him as a small child.  Unfortunately, the woman fell ill when Vil was about 5 years old, and her health declined rapidly and she passed away. This was a very traumatic event for him, that he’s suppressed. 

Most of Vil’s interests lie in his line of work, cosmetics, fashion, acting, etc. But one that he doesn’t talk about much is gardening. Especially cultivating rare and exotic flora that can be used in various potions. 

Vil’s ideas of love and romance are very skewed and jaded because of the fact he grew up in the film industry. With the death of his mother, he lost the one positive example he had in his parents. And was surrounded by people who tended to treat love as leverage for PR and personal gain. This is also why he’s so harsh concerning Cater when he’s been shown to be rather unbothered by other people who are clearly out to use his fame to their advantage. (Azul, Jade, Ace, etc). It’s the romantic angle that ruffles his feathers so much, because of how he’s seen it play out time and again all around him.

He has a terrible sweet tooth, he just has enough willpower to fight it off most days

As shown in Chapter 6, he’s got a very clear personal vs professional side. He’s able to compartmentalize them as separate and distinct. When he talks about Rook’s actions not bothering him at the end of chapter 5 and the start of chapter 6, that’s his professional side talking. On his personal side however I do believe he was hurt, not that Rook voted for RSA, but the fact that he hid his obsession with Neige from him all this time. That I think would feel like a bigger betrayal. (And specifically not that he was a fan of Neige’s but the hiding it bit) 

Vil knows the nonsense that Rook gets up to, stalking Leona and the other beastmen, etc. He turns a blind eye to it because he doesn’t want to lose who he sees as the only real friend he’s ever had. Despite how he might act passively and brush off Rook’s behavior (like in Rook’s portion of the Tsum event when they go to his room) his companionship means more to him than he’s willing to voice. And Yes despite what I said above, I do believe they are great friends. Friends can hurt you sometimes, even if they don’t mean it. People aren’t perfect. 

This is also why I think Jack’s friendship means a lot to Vil, more so than it does to Jack. Jack was the first person who stood up for him and how he was treated. But to Jack, he was just another kid who lived in the neighborhood and hung out and played with him sometimes. 

Leading into, I think part of the reason that Vil has such strong negative feelings toward Neige, isn’t just because Neige was the hero to his villain, but because Neige, despite acting like they’re close friends, never did anything to stop the way he was treated. Yes I know Neige was just a kid, no I don’t really expect him to have truly done something to stop it nor hold him responsible for Vil’s treatment, BUT Vil was also a kid, and I can’t blame him for feeling that way. Kinda like that kid who says they’re your friend, then goes and hangs out with the other kids that bully you. Never registering what the problem is.

We know Vil is a deeply insecure person, especially when it comes to his typecasting as a villain, and I think this extends to his outlook on love and romance, as I stated above he hasn’t had the best examples in his life, but typically the villains don’t get a happily ever after love story, and I think he’d projected that onto himself. Something else he wants but feels he can’t have so he doesn’t try. 

I also think he doesn’t know how to make friends or communicate with people in a casual/social manner. This helps account for how few friends he has. And the one he does is Rook, who basically adopted him and didn’t go away. This is also why I think he can come off as abrasive even when he’s trying to help. Like how he dealt with Epel. 

I also defend his treatment of Epel. I grew up in a very small and isolated town like Epel. I grew up with a lot of backward views because that’s all I was exposed to as a child. In a place where being even slightly different can make you a social pariah, if you step out of line it can be a nightmare. And it takes a lot of stern force to help someone overcome that. Not letting them make excuses. I’m grateful for the people in my life who helped me see differently, my version of Vil essentially, and I was so happy that they showed that Epel appreciates what Vil had done for him. 

I have more but that’s enough for now. 

[scatteredpiecesofme]

On August and Sara

I know that a part of the fandom disliked the Sargust storyline and among the various reasons mentioned, one made me think. Some were disappointed because August was given this sort of "redemption arc", some others complained about his arc being contradictory, as if the writers couldn’t decide what to do, whether to “redeem” him or not.

I think this wasn’t the point at all. I don't believe Sara and August love story was meant to be an actual redemption arc, for either of them (if anything, because as such it badly failed). This was just Young Royals doing what Young Royals does best. Namely, showing us once again that human beings are very much complex and nuanced when it comes to their feelings, decisions and actions.

It was easy to accept the not-all-black-and-white pov with Wilhelm and Simon because we love them, sympathize with them, we even identify with them. Doing the same with August and Sara is much harder. But even assholes can have a soft side. It's real. It's human. And it doesn't erase their wrongs.

I think what comes across as disturbing in August+Sara's story is that both of them have made terrible and selfish choices, both of them have betrayed their friends and family, and yet they get to enjoy some blissful moments of love, tenderness, and care. Moments of real happiness. And they do it exactly when Wilhelm and Simon are apart, heartbroken and dealing with a lot of issues. Somehow it feels unfair.

Love is often perceived as something that people deserve or don't deserve according to their behaviour or moral standing. Some sort of reward that we get if we are good enough. Then, how can an asshole who has done such shitty things be loved? Or how can a selfish, untrustworthy person be able to love anybody? These are the unspoken questions.

The thing is, love is not a prize. Love is just something that happens. Often in the most unexpected ways. It's unfair. It’s random. Uncontrollable. Messy. Sara puts it into words beautifully: "You can't control your feelings. Even if you have feelings for the wrong person, it can feel so damn right". And love is not a redeeming force either. The bare fact of being in love or being loved doesn't make a person better, nor it can be expected to.

Any redemption tropes left aside, their storyline shed light on some sides of the characters that we hadn't seen yet, adding layers and depth to both and making them even more interesting (to me Sara and August were already very interesting characters in S1). It challenged the viewers to question their perspective and to deal with mixed feelings (oh, wait he's the villain, I hate him... how comes that for a split second I found him so tender and I was rooting for them??). It gave us some sweet, fluffy moments in a season which was at risk to have none, together with some very realistic intimacy representation. It provided a good amount of drama for the final climax and it set things up for potential plotlines in s3 (lots of potential shit, depending on where the authors want to go). And despite Sargust being the most random, weird and unlikely couple ever, it felt believable to me. On top of everything, Malte and Frida showed great chemistry and their acting was truly amazing.

Sooo... I might be the only one here, but I really enjoyed Sara+August storyline in S2.

[yugioh-rare-pair-poll]

Round 1: Poll 9

Propaganda under the cut

Pairing 1: Twistedshipping (Shadi/Maximillon Pegasus | Pegasus J. Crawford)

Propaganda: Shadi is a grief stricken spirit with no one to talk to and Pegasus is a lonely rich boy with time & money but no one to share it with. They've both suffered heavy loss and mad terrible decisions as a result. They've hurt people and are both people who are hurting. But they wear it differently; no one can see Shadi unless he allows it but Pegasus is a public figure. He must be seen, though no one can get close without his permission. The roles they play are so important to the people who the roles serve and yet they're always at a distance from the comfort of the people. All that to say, they should get to hug and be happy. Also the fan art is just beautiful. | Pegasus lamented how his heart was like the empty canvas he toted around half the world longing to fill, then immediately painted a portrait of Shadi and hung it up next to the portrait of his deceased wife. Pegasus clearly idolized Shadi for giving him the Millennium Eye, even though Shadi showed little regard for him, probably thinking of Pegasus as just another necessary step in moving fate along. I think it’s immensely interesting to explore how they both might grow around each other, and how they might recontextualize their shared past after spending more time together. Pegasus would start to see Shadi with something other than blinding adoration, and Shadi would recognize and appreciate Pegasus as a person and not a pawn. The ship has plenty of angst, but room for hurt/comfort and character exploration. And they both at some point, in Yugioh R and Dark Side of Dimensions, adopted a bunch of orphans and took on the role of a father figure; so there’s more fluffy AU potential, too.

Pairing 2: Conquestshipping (Mai Valentine| Mai Kaijiu/Valon )

Propaganda: Valon really seemed to care for Mai, at least according to child me that just never saw the spark of Polar shipping but immediately latched on to Conquest shipping after seeing Valon and Mai interact. Plus they have shared trauma; huzzah for trauma bonding! I just think Mai had more chemistry with Valon than with Joey. | I love that this ship is doomed and bad from the start. He’s the rebound and they both know it, and they’re stuck trying to move past that and never quite managing it. And at the same time Valon is totally devoted to Mai in a way that’s both sweet and pointless. Strong tragedy, strong sad ship.

Now, let’s keep things civil. This is a silly poll where we can share why we love our overlooked ships. There’s no need to be nasty to prove your point. Bashers will be banished to the Shadow Realm.

[georgieluz]

hi! I hope you’re doing good and I was wondering if you can cast your mutuals as The Pacific men, women characters too? based off of their personalities? hope this isn’t too much to ask! anyways, have a good day!

hello! it's not too much to ask, i can definitely try to do that!

burgie → @im-chinese-believe-it-or-not this was the first one that popped into my head immediately!! you have burgie's soft caring side where you wanna look after all your friends/mutuals and make sure everyone is okay and feels Seen and heard and validated!! and i feel like you have that warmth and stabilising effect that burgie has on the boys too... when you're not around my dash feels slightly off! but you also know when to be firm and shut things down when people interact with you or others in bad faith! you're not a pushover at all and will stand up for the right thing even if it means you have to put on your "shut up bill" voice. i feel like you spread happiness and safe vibes in the same way that burgie does!

eddie → @hellofanidea because i feel like you have a lot of depth and i just feel like we'd have interesting conversations all the time and you're the kind of person whose brain i want to pick about random topics. you seemed like a Cool Online Person when we first became mutuals but it turned out you're actually super approachable and easy to talk to and eddie definitely feels similar in that way!

sledge → @theflyingfin because you're smart and always interesting to talk to! like eugene, you're open with how you feel about things and you just give me sledge vibes sometimes but not naive!sledge vibes but sledge who has seen some things y'know?

snafu → @aegondluvrs bc 99% of our first conversation revolved around svt and enha's teeth (rightly so) and you definitely have snafu's brand of chaos! also: if snafu was a carat in 2023 he too would have a folder dedicated to lee jihoon's teeth, we're not alone!

sid → my good friend @footprintsinthesxnd! i feel like i'm copying the quiz we did but it honestly felt really accurate to me because you're a literal sweetheart and one of the kindest people around but you're also way more than just that.. you're a great friend and always so supportive when anything has happened, and you're funny and witty in the same understated way that sid is. people probably think you're shy and quiet at first but that absolutely changes when you become friends with them. we have the best conversations and i'm genuinely so glad to have you in my life!!

leckie x lena hybrid → @lewis-winters look, i know i talk all the time about how annoying leckie is, so let me first of all say that i'm not including any of the annoying parts of his personality here... but you do have a similar charismatic intelligence thing going on.. y'know, the type of person you know you would always enjoy having a conversation with no matter what the topic is and whose opinion you would always be interested in hearing on just about anything. lena comes in with that aspect too, but you also have her enigmatic vibes, the kind that makes people wanna be friends with you!

runner → @ep6bastogne bc your posts make me laugh a ton and you're chill but also not at the same time? which is how i feel runner is too.. like he jokes around and winds leckie up and is silly af but he also gives off chill drama free vibes idk like i just feel like you're both the type of friend i would want in my life y'know?

chuckler → @lamialamia because our conversations are either about something ridiculous like sledge's ass flash and leckie's sex scenes or they're about the devastation of war and losing ack ack and eddie or something equally as terrible lmao you feel very balanced to me in that way and i think chuckler is like that too.. hilarious and jokes around but also serious when you need to be! kinda the perfect mix you would want in a friend or mutual!

vera → @hxad-ovxr-hxart because you're very funny but also very sweet! and you have vera vibes (warm and kind but witty vibes!!) and i feel like you're very approachable in the same way vera is too!

sorry if this didn't live up to your expectations anon!! this was a lot of fun to think about though!

[no-psi-nan]

20) part of canon you found tedious or boring

The crossover parts in the light novels... thog dont caare (minor bit of canon but I literally paid cash money to get it translated so... -_-U)

Also that one episode in the second season / later volumes that was basically a repeat. The one with Saiki being invisible while Teruhashi tries to find him. We've already scene this exact same sitch play out, there's no development to either their characters or relationship, everyone knows their deal at this point so it's not even funny.... The anime should've replaced this one with the YouTube episode SMH, 10000% more value.

21) part of canon you think is overhyped

Not necessarily overhyped but I personally would have never picked the domestic abuse chapters to be the first ones in the series hsfjdlshfks. Yeah it's funny but like. It's still domestic abuse. Let's save the terrible home life for when the audience is more invested yeah? Though I guess people also don't notice the domestic abuse as much since it's front-loaded maybe?? I would like to see some research on this sort of thing tbh!!

22) your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

All of the Aiura moments... She's always so so funny and sweet, and the way she and Saiki interact is wonderful, she's the person he's the most real around (Toritsuka doesn't count because he mostly gets Saiki's bad side for good reasons hsfjdlshfks).

When they work so well together at saving Yumehara's life despite being strangers... When Aiura shows so much kindness to Mera and is so determined to help her that Saiki ends up helping her even though he was originally against it... When Saiki saves Aiura from the gang and she still trusts him completely even though they'd fought and Saiki just did something violent, which most other people would consider monstrous... Her willingness to help out Saiki anytime, no questions asked, just because she cares about him... Their hilarious & effective co-performances against Imu and Yumehara (as Kaido)... When Aiura realizes "lucky feel" moments / her usual methods of seduction won't work and switches to just finding out when Saiki's free and hanging together eating dessert + talking... When Saiki clearly enjoys those dates so much that he immediately agrees to another in his tsundere way when she asks him... When Saiki chases her around for coffee jelly, so brain-empty and silly (see: my blog header)... Her faith that Saiki will fix things even when he has a death mark on him too... When Saiki trusts her with the fate of the world... When Saiki's clones carry her so closely when they could literally just levitate her completely physically apart and she never tries to cop a feel or get fresh... When she asks Saiki if he wants a kiss and respects his "no" but just has to share the physical comfort they both need in that moment...

And yet everyone always mischaracterizes her and cheapens her relationship with Saiki, especially when favoring another ship for him.

Or they think that she would be soooooo emo about it if Saiki rejected her. Hello?? She literally told him to fuck off because he tried to stop her from helping people, and did NOT look back or change her mind. Just because she's into bdsm doesn't mean she's going to compromise her morals for a dude, even if he's her soulmate. And she's clearly had no trouble pulling dudes before, so it's not like she'll be pining after him for long if he's being a dick.

On the other hand, she knows he's tsundere as fuck and that she'd have to play the long game with him, and she's clearly fine with it. She has confidence in her powers and has already seen how well they work & play together, so it's just a matter of time.

Anyways I get so so heated when people don't do my girl justice, as I'm sure you can tell hsfjdlshfks

Thanks for the ask @hillbilly---man 💜💜💜💜💜

[k-martins]

N.A - This only came about because I found this list, from @creativepromptsforwriting of prompts and couldn't get Itafushi out of my head. And of course I'm not addicted to California Gurls!

“Hey, Megumi!” Yuuji exclaimed. "Look at me! How I am?"

Megumi should get an award – a shiny gold trophy, preferably – for not choking on his iced mocha when Yuuji turned towards him, sporting the most hideous and tacky thing Megumi had ever seen in his entire existence. A few people also stop their shopping at the convenience store to stare at the boy with the pink hair, a mixture of amused smiles and wide-eyed surprise.

In another situation, Megumi would have been embarrassed by all the attention they are attracting, but the shock prevented any other feelings from getting through to him.

Giant heart-shaped glasses covered Yuuji's eyes, the blinding red of the frames meeting the pink wires and standing out against the yellow sweatshirt open for the world to see the boy's tan chest. Yuuji looked like the very union of all the warm colors of the chromatic cycle, reflecting the heat of summer. And he was also terribly tacky and, shit, he looked so adorable.

Shaking off the daze that the terribly bright sight of Yuuji caused, Megumi went back to slowly sipping his mocha , the cloying sweetness of chocolate touching the back of his throat. It's not the drink he would normally order, but wanting hot coffee at a kiosk in midsummer, just a few meters from the beach, was a demand that even he couldn't insist on.

After a few seconds of silence, with Yuuji still with open arms waiting for an answer, Megumi replied:

“You look like a tasteless 90s women's fashion ad.”

Yuuji lets out an offended yelp, clutching his chest. If he noticed Megumi staring at the place, I don't comment, preferring to follow his talk about heart glasses, defending them as if it were his divine mission in life.

“Just so you know, heart glasses are very fashionable in the west. Kugisaki told me it's a very versatile vintage model . You can wear it with any outfit, anywhere. It saw? They are practical!”

Megumi shrugged.

"It's still too shameful."

Nothing could convince him to change his mind. Not fashion facts – that he didn't care, why, who did? Just use what you fucking like ! – nor how cute Yuuji was with them.

Yes, he was firm in his decision.

“Come on, Guumi …” Yuuji whimpered.

"Do not start. And return it soon.”

“But they look so good on me.”

"Give it back."

"I already know! I'll buy you one too." Yuuji laughed out loud, mocking Megumi's horror. “With both of us using it, it will be less embarrassing.”

“If you dare, I will kill you.”

The threat only served to intensify the boy's laughter, making his entire body tremble with amusement against Megumi's shoulder. More eyes turned toward them, and for a fleeting moment, he caught two girls pointing at them and exchanging giggles. It was instinctive to lower his head to his chest, though that did little to hide his flushed cheeks without his school uniform.

As if to chastise Megumi for some past sin, Yuuji leaned further into his personal space, his bare chest pressing against his shoulder, his forearm resting on the shelf full of stuffed animal keychains, showing off the black bracelet that's tied to the one tied to his shoulder . Megumi's pulse. Yuuji's breath blows across his hot cheeks, the aroma of the strawberry frappuccino he was eating filling the air. The heat becomes increasingly abrasive as Megumi becomes more aware of Yuuji's presence against his side.

He eagerly drinks his own cold drink .

"Megumi..." Yuuji calls out, drawing Megumi's attention. There's the shit-eating smile of someone who's about to transfer a fatal blow to his face, which leaves Megumi torn between punching him in the head and kissing him out of any arrogance.

It is a very complex decision.

Using just one finger, Yuuji tilts those ridiculous glasses down to the tip of his nose, revealing eyes crinkled with humor whose caramel irises gleam anxiously. At this point, Megumi's breath is already caught in his throat, because, fuck , Yuuji is incredibly hot doing this.

Then, using his softest, most seductive tone, he lashes out at Megumi:

“Please.”

And how can Megumi say no to that?

“Okay, you win.” He blusters, putting his hands on his hips and pointing his index finger at Yuuji's stupid chest. “But you better get the blue ones.”

It's humbling the way his voice comes off, tamed and condescending, but it's worth it when Yuuji's teasing countenance grows to one of pure joy and satisfaction, cheeks flushed with excitement and eyes narrowed by the size of his smile. The pink-haired boy turns his back on him, chanting something about “getting the best heart sunglasses Megumi has ever seen”, which Megumi barely pays attention to, too focused on sinking into his own social embarrassment.

Why did he agree to date this idiotic ray of sunshine anyway?

In an unexpected gesture, Yuuji turns around and presses his smiling lips to Megumi's cheek, squeezing him in a kiss that's more tender and childish than anything truly romantic. The ridiculous glasses press uncomfortably against the corners of Megumi's eyes, the hard, smooth material contrasting with Yuuji 's gentle, soft touch . Taken aback, Megumi can only stutter uselessly, his face hot and his heart doing crazy acrobatics inside his chest.

“You're amazing, Gumi ” Yuuji hums, kissing him one more time before returning to his search for the stupid pair of glasses, leaving Megumi to deal with his feelings.

Ah, he thinks as he touches his cheek where the ghost of Yuuji's lips still hangs over, that's because.

[leechysmile]

I’m curious what’s ur favorite joey ship? Feel free to go on a rant about Them I wanna hear it

Hi anon! So, I have a few favorites really! Some more problematic than others, fair warning. It's a decently wide range. So I'll list a few and give a short summary!

Do note that I like many more besides these though 💞

Puppyshipping- Seto/Joey:

This is the first Joey ship I fell in love with and the one you'll see a lot of on this blog. Both because I love it and because it undeniably has a lot more fanart/fics than the others. I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers and love the wide range of potential here. Be it something extremely toxic or a slowburn as long as I can see it happening I'm in 👀

Wishshipping- Yugi/Joey:

These two are so sweet together and right now I am particularly vibing with Omegaverse AUs with Alpha Yugi and Omega Joey. I don't really see a lot of Omegaverse with them in general, let alone in this way.

This ship I generally see as on the "wholesome" side, though I use that word loosely. It's mostly sweet, but there is a fair bit of untapped potential regarding just how quickly Joey jumped into "I would literally die for you" territory. While that may sound sweet on the surface to some people, it also suggests an arguably dangerous level of attachment. Because what happens to Joey if for some reason Yugi leaves, dies, etc? Potentially, he could fall apart.

Puffshipping- Ryou/Joey:

I've seen this one get more popular lately and I am SO here for it. I think it'd be really fun to explore a scenario where they're both lost alone in the woods or something. I can also see Ryou taking things he finds fun too far and scaring the shit out of Joey. I like to headcanon Ryou with a fear kink, whether it's being scared or scaring others.

Irateshipping- Marik/Joey:

How can I see Marik calling Joey his doll and NOT ship it? I don't care if it's toxic, I love it. I'm not going to turn down more wholesome forms of it, but I DEFINITELY lean toward the toxic/abusive angle for them. Or, in the case of several roleplays I've done, it starting pretty chill and then entering darker territory because of x reason.

Fadeshipping- Yami Marik/Joey:

Listen, do you know how much potential is here? A lot. I could totally see Yami Marik coming back in some way and deciding Joey is his victim to kill after failing to with the Winged Dragon of Ra. That's a great jumping-off point that can go in many directions.

Brightshipping- Mokuba/Seto/Joey:

Alright, I already lost a mutual over talking about Tabloidshipping, but here's a worse one I like 💀

So, since I like Riskshipping (Mokuba/Joey), Tabloidshipping (Seto/Mokuba), & Puppyshipping... it shouldn't be too terribly surprising that I enjoy combining all three. For this one, I generally see it as most likely that Mokuba would come onto Joey or it's a Season 0 vibe where Seto and Mokuba use Joey as a plaything.

Gangshipping- Hirutani/Joey:

There is a lot of untapped potential here, particularly for the level of toxicity. I honestly could see Hirutani still coming after Joey again. The guy seems like the type who'd sooner drop dead than accept a loss. And he did lose Joey—Twice. Both when Joey left the gang and when he tried forcing Joey back into it. Also, the look he gives Joey in one of the manga panels looks like bedroom eyes to me.

I don't know, I really love angst and this ship is perfect for that. I also love rescue scenarios... which this ship can also lead to. At the very least Yugi and Atem would help Joey once they know there's a problem.

Alright, so I didn't really go into specifics, but that's because I couldn't decide on just one and I can write essays on any of these. Feel free to send asks if you're curious about a specific ship, be it these ones or others!

[floatsthruspace]

Hi! I have had a few ideas? Inspriations? Prompts? rolling around in my brain for literal years at this point. I just can't find the right words to string together to make a story come to life. I've tried so many times but I am not a writer. I just had to put my thoughts down and put it out there to get it out of my system. I went through a Hozier phase and some of his lyrics just hit right for ObiYuki. I was inspired and so here we go with a free write. If this is already out there -because I don't think these are the most original ideas- please let me know...

here it goes...

Muse: From Eden- Hozier

early manga chapters- Obi realizing he loves Shirayuki

After ch. 7, As Obi gets to know Shirayuki, he comes to the realization that he recognizes himself or understands where she comes from because she is not soft little flower. The little comments or certain reactions she makes remind him of ones he seen in himself or others that come from humble or tough beginnings. Her comments about hard winters after her grandparents passed. She surprises him with her knowledge of bar culture and a lot of what that implies. He recognizes loneliness and wariness in how she carries herself in certain situations. Her hair scarf shielding her from unwanted attention in public places. At first, he is curious as to how Shirayuki came to be because she is good and bad things shouldn't happen to good people. Then he is in awe of her because she has come out strong and still good after all she has been through. As a result, without his permission his heart lets her in little by little. He knows he is not good enough for her but he begins to care for her. He hovers on the edge of honoring her relationship with Zen or making the effort to woo out from Zen's arm no matter if he corrupts her a little more. So he continues to be by her side as her friend and guard watching and waiting to see if she turns her heart to him instead.

________

Muse: Like Real People do- Hozier

Early Manga Chapter

A scene of like recognizing like and a bloom of love. Possibly Ch. 11

Obi was working in the greenhouse with Shirayuki and Ryuu. He was just musing about the conversation they had earlier about a sweet treat from their childhood that they somehow both remembered having in their past. Just then Shirayuki came over to give him a new tool and he turned to her. In that moment, the light caught her eyes just so and he was engulfed in a sea of emerald. He felt like he was submerged into a memory of girl that was kind to him once. A girl that offered him a sweet roll with a kind smile. A girl that didn't look at him in terror but surprise and concern as he snatched the roll from her. He then tumbled through memory after memory from the last few weeks of that summer long ago that were the happiest and warmest he ever had in his short life. As he was pulled out of the emerald waters, he reached out to grasp at the last dregs of the memories. He blinked and Shirayuki's stunned face came into focus and he realized he had her face mask in his hand. they blinked at each other.

After that day, Obi would wonder what happened to that little girl to turn her into this steadfast and brilliant woman. She was loved and her hardships have been hard but they couldn't have been as terrible as his, could they? Her humble beginnings were slowly being revealed to him as they were becoming friends. He had so many questions but he wasn't ready for the conversations that could open. He decided that he couldn't ask of her what he couldn't do.

Alternatively, Shirayuki realized she understood Obi. Lyrias arc

Shirayuki had been noticing Obi a lot more lately. (wink wink)

After everyone else had turned to bed and it was just the two of them left at the inn's table after dinner. He had been entertaining the group of them with a daring story of how he escaped and outsmarted bandits when he was just a child. "A strong strapping man, miss" "you were 11, just a boy!" When he was finished he ordered another drink for him and a tea for her. The rest of them begged off in hopes of a warm bed waiting for them in their rooms. Shirayuki turned to Obi and found him staring into the distance lost in his thoughts as he nursed his mug. Shirayuki was thinking about all he had said and she was wondering what kept him in that memory even now that his story was over. She knew he had been through so much- she has seen his scars. She had so many questions about his past. She recognized so much of her in him. He was stubborn, hard working, kind when he wanted to be, and capable. she wondered what his young eyes saw that made him this way. She already knew but she wanted him to tell her. She craved it when he looked at her when he was lost in thought or after a night of their conversations. She wanted to be closer to him, he was her friend. She wanted him to trust her with his mysteries. She wanted him to to to...

He looks so handsome in this light...

______

Last one!

Muse: It Will Come Back- Hozier

When Shirayuki finally makes her move. Obi is not spooked by her move but emboldened.

He's had an idea that she was giving him signs that she was into him. She would look at him with heat in her eyes. She would brush her hand against him while the walked. She would blush she he looked at her from time to time. He did his best to keep her at arms length because he wasn't sure he could control himself. Little by little he gave in to little things like his hands at her waist. Leaning in close to speak in her ear. Rest his hand a little longer than necessary when he could. Then one night after a long day of dealing with nobles with him at her back. She had enough of him being so close but not enough to touch. It was almost like he was teasing her. She made her move and he gave in. ;)

Obi.

Miss.

Obi, I. (deep breath) Obi I would like you to stay.

Miss, are you sure? Once you let me in, there's no getting rid of me.

I know.

Shirayuki.

_____________________________________________________________

That's it! It's not exactly what I had in mind or what I've pictured but its close. I've had so many versions of each idea written down but they never made sense as coherent stories. Maybe one day I'll actually attempt it again. For now, the songs and the ramble scenes are enough for me.

If you made it this far- Thank you! I am forever inspired by all of you writers and artists.

[callmewishful]

Lambert is the type of man who always appears calm. Even when stuff hits the fan, he’s the one that’s got a level head and steps up to give direction. He’s always ready with a plan, even in the most unconventional of situations. Though these plans mostly include tackling the problem head on and winging it as he goes, somehow they always work out for him. He’s every bit a natural leader a King is expected to be and the people of Faerghus have never seen this man sweat.

Amongst his friends, his plans are terrible. Whose idea was it to try and ride a horse while standing? Lamberts. Whose idea was it to swap Captain Jeralt’s brand new bottle of expensive Adrestian wine for some of the cheap crap down at the market? Lamberts. And whose idea was to try and tame a giant wolf for the Faerghan Army? You guessed it: Lamberts. Papa Dorito is a chaotic disaster.

Rodrigue is the type of man who has quiet confidence coming out his butt. He’s not a bragger, unless he’s really trying to impress someone or someone riles him up or he’s drunk. But as the King’s right hand, he commands a room with his very presence. He’s not a big talker in public settings. He prefers to hear both sides, take some time to think carefully about the pros and cons of each, and then make his call. He’s an excellent listener and very in touch with the feelings of others.

Amongst his friends, he is the smooth talker. Someone has had to master the skill of communication to get them out of trouble or cover their butts with Lambert’s plans and it couldn’t be Lambert because he’s injured, laughing, or trying to drag a wild wolf back to the woods, and it sure as hell couldn’t be the emotionally constipated Matthias. He’s talked Lambert out of trouble and Matthias out of fights more times than he can possibly count. Papa Hot-Rod is a sweet-talking accomplice.

Matthias is the type of man who has no time to waste. He’s quiet, he’s serious, and he tells it like it is. He doesn’t do it to be a jerk, but he believes there’s no good that can come from sugar coating things. Not only does it give people false hope or security, but it accomplishes nothing because people don’t understand the weight or gravity of a situation. He hates skipping class, he hates missing training, and jokes during meetings or lessons are a waste of everyone’s time, goddess above Lambert some of us actually have work to do when they graduate.

Amongst his friends, he is one of the most thoughtful men you will meet. He cares deeply for everyone around him and that feeling has only been amplified by the fact that his house is the only thing between Sreng and Faerghus. His words can be ill thought out, but the love and worry behind them shines through clear as noon (if you know how to decode them). He’d do anything for his friends, including carrying them to a healer, distracting Captain Jeralt under the guise of a spar (it’s dual purpose for him), and coming up with the plan of taking the sides off of a few carts to make transporting the wolf easier. Papa Stone-Face is a silent protector.

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The Aftermath, chapter 22

Christmas day came with more snow. As Philip woke up, got ready and went down the stairs leading to the common room, he saw that some of his younger housemates were already around the Christmas tree, opening presents.

He stood back, trying not to get trampled by a cat playing with a piece of wrapping paper, and waited for his dormmates. He knew that there weren’t presents for him under the tree, because all people who he cared about were in the castle.

“Happy Christmas, Philip.” he heard, turning to see Garreth unwrapping his own presents.

“Happy Christmas, Garreth.”

Philip picked up the gifts for his friends and followed his fellow Gryffindors to the Great Hall for breakfast. As they got there, he saw that most of his friends were together, so he joined them for the gift exchange.

He watched their faces light up as they opened the presents, and soon they were immersed in good feelings and laughter. All of them seemed to really enjoy their gifts, and that made Philip happy. Elisabeth and Chloe seemed particularly over the moon with theirs.

Philip opened his gifts, looking at what he had got. Mostly sweets, but Elisabeth had given him a poetry book by Victor Hugo. His French was not that good, because he only knew what he had read in books, but he really appreciated it.

As they were eating, Philip could see Sharp looking at him. After they were finished, he approached the professors’ table, where only Sharp, Weasley and Howin were seated. He followed Sharp to the side of the Hall, looking for somewhere where they could talk more privately.

“I got you this. Maybe you already have it, I wasn’t sure. I heard you mention it one day after my class. Happy Christmas, Philip.” Sharp handed him a package. Philip opened it, seeing it was the edition of Hamlet he had seen at Tomes and Scrolls.

Philip had to restrain himself not to hug his professor and start jumping of joy.

“I also have something for you, professor. I hope you like them and find them useful.” He said, handing Sharp the wrapped case with the quills.

Sharp smiled as he opened his gift, before resting a hand on Philip’s shoulder. This gesture comforted him. It was something Eleazar used to do, and it made Philip feel safe.

“Thank you. I will find them most useful.”

He stopped for a moment and looked like he was trying to find words.

“How are you doing today? I know this time of the year can be hard, especially after all you went through last year.”

“I’m doing well… I think.” It was not a lie, but he didn’t know what to say. He missed Eleazar and Miriam terribly, yet he knew that there was no point in dwelling in these thoughts.

He nodded and walked away, clutching to his book as if it was the only thing he was able to save from a house on fire, and left the Hall, going back to his common room. He knew his friends would be worried, but he could barely talk, much less answer questions.

As he curled up on his favourite armchair, tears started to fall.

Don’t be childish, he thought. It’s hard, but you must pull yourself together.

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Sharp watched him leave in a hurry, but he knew he couldn’t go after him at the moment. However, he knew what these reactions meant, and would look for him later. Despite what he said, Philip was hurting.

And so was he. Eleazar had been his closest friend at Hogwarts, and his death had shaken him to the core. It had been so sudden, and yet so surrounded by mystery.

His thoughts went back to the boy. He had had the best possible parents in Eleazar and Miriam. Now, both of them were gone, and that safety had been taken from him.

He left the hall and went back to his rooms. Usually, the professors had their own Christmas celebration, but he wasn’t in the mood. Besides, it wouldn’t be the same without Eleazar.

He poured himself a firewhisky and sat on his armchair, looking at the flames in the fireplace.

After a while, he heard a knock on the door.

“Come in.”

Philip entered the room, looking almost scared. He tried to speak, but words wouldn’t come out. After a few seconds, he blurted out:

“I’m sorry, sir. I shouldn’t have reacted like I did; it was a really childish reaction.”

Sharp was silent, trying to find a way to comfort Philip.

“I would have probably reacted similarly if I was in your situation. I’m sorry if I upset you.”

Philip didn’t reply but nodded. He stared at the flames, and the two of them were silent.

“Do you want a cup of tea?”

“Yes, please. That would be nice. Thank you.”

Neither of them wanted to talk, and the silence was comfortable. They could just enjoy each other’s company, without interruptions or other signs of a busy life outside the room.

When Philip left, he felt much calmer. He was able to enjoy the rest of Christmas day with his friends, and the emotional weight had almost disappeared.

But Sharp knew that it could come back, especially as January would come, and with it, the anniversary of that fateful night beneath the school.

He couldn’t help but worry about Philip and what he would go through.