#brought to you by: my own inability to recognize relationships

[vyeoh]

Tell me more about the prep x bad boy treebark!!!! *swings feet and smiles to reveal my second set of teeth like a baby shark* please?

Ren graduated last year (he's one year older than martyn) and no one knows if they're just weirdly close besties or dating or some 3rd secret thing. Like, the thing is they flirted constantly but Ren is just Like That with everyone but also maybe it's like a ploycule situation? Theyre both theater kids and the theater department is just alway sleeping with each other so idk maybe its some theater department polycule. Like, no one knows what's up with those two weirdos but honestly it's not worth the energy to deal with

[twistedwonderlandimaginesblog]

Hi I see your requests are open (btw love ur blog) could I possibly request Rook, Idia, Azul, and Floyd falling for the “my boyfriend left you can come over” text prank? Pls pls pls 🥺

Azul Ashengrotto:

Not that it’s a great prank to play on anyone, but Azul who is already riddled with trust issues would especially not appreciate it. He doesn’t address it immediately but it’s due to his internal panic over the situation, thinking you wouldn’t be so stupid as to text him something meant for another person and that if you had, you would’ve tried to cover for yourself at least. But there’s always a part of his brain that’s ready for disaster, that activates the second something potentially devastating lined itself up to happen and it completely throws Azul off his normal logical conclusions. You do notice he’s a little more emotional than normal, getting snippy with you and refusing to look at you; it doesn’t get better when you tell him it was just a prank, wondering why you had entirely ruined his day just to get a laugh.

Idia Shroud:

Can one person be double cursed? Because Idia felt double cursed. He stared at the text, trying to pick it apart, analyze different meanings, figure out what you were trying to actually say but was instead autocorrected to this extremely unsettling text. His logic skill wasn’t high enough to figure out this minigame and he almost texted you to ask what you meant but paused, realizing his social skill wasn’t high enough for him to send one out about the topic of you potentially cheating on him. He would normally torture newbies online to get out his feelings but he doesn’t feel like doing much of anything, sitting with his knees brought up to his chest and lamenting his inability to recognize that your relationship points had fallen so low. There’s relief that comes with knowing it was just a prank, proven by Ortho doing a quick internet search, but you see the tiniest tinge of red flutter through his hair even as he tells you he’s fine.

Floyd Leech:

Floyd had never whipped around so quick in his entire life, kicking the door to your room in and glaring at you with a knowing look. You’re unable to stop your giggling though some of it might be from nerves, as dealing with a grumpy eel was never the most fun. He whined at you for trying to play a mean trick on him, asking if you wanted to be squeezed that bad; you knew exactly what he was like when he was jealous and you couldn’t help but want to see a little more. There weren’t many people stupid enough to flirt with you when they knew who you were dating so you had to make your own fun, but having Floyd wrapped around you and refusing to leave your side until this potential ‘other person’ showed up was making you think twice about any future pranks.

Rook Hunt:

Rook doesn’t fall for it. He knows you’re just teasing in your normal playful way, trying to pull a reaction out of him which made him chuckle. You kept his daily life interesting so he couldn’t take your little prank personally, but he knew you inside and out. He would hold your face with his hand, delicately caressing your skin as he talked about your scent, one that he had memorized as he held you close each night. The only man he had ever smelled on you was himself, and since he didn’t pick up on anything unfamiliar, he concluded right in front of you that you couldn’t possibly be cheating on him. He pressed his nose into your neck, whispering against your skin that if you didn’t want him to go you just had to say as such.  

[thevulturesquadron]

Ok so this is me sorta headcanoning, so take this with a grain of salt, but one of the reasons why the infantilization of Rogue always bothers me is because I always felt like her powers were a metaphor for disability/chronic illness and fandom police act already like disabled women aren't capable of being in their own villain romances, example being Entrapdak antis denying Entrapta her own agency in her romance with Hordak in the She-Ra reboot.

Oh! But you make a really good point! It’s one of those subtle perspectives that can be dangerous just because of how easy they are to integrate into someone's view of the world. I'm not as vocal online as I used to be. I feel like there are people out there far better equipped to talk about it than I, while I grow old and cranky. But, you brought up a really important aspect that kinda sent me into a 'hold my beer' moment so apologies for the long answer! To start with, I wouldn’t call this a headcanon, not at all, clearly not in the context of X-men, and Rogue in particular. It’s a very apt analogy. The reason why these characters become relevant to us is because we recognize something from our personal journey in them, and the comparison you made for Rogue is a very strong one. Her inability to touch can absolutely be read as a disability! In so many of her stories/arcs it is often portrayed as a struggle, as an obstacle to a ‘normal life’. Her difficulties with gaining control over her powers and dealing with other personalities that are trying to take over her mind can also be a strong metaphor for mental health struggles/disorders. Rogue is a fantastic hero in that regard and seeing her be her own person, learning how to work and be proud of what she can do, can feel like a personal victory for so many people. It’s why it’s important to see her happy, to see her winning her battles and use who she is and what she can do in a positive and impactful way. There are many reasons why fans end up taking away her agency or attributing her choices to a different (often male) character. And, to be fair, a couple of comic-book writers have done this exact thing to her, so I can see where this skewed perspective might be coming from. Within fandom this happens mostly because it serves to support their arguments for whatever thing they prefer or project onto the character. If they don’t like a certain narrative or can’t accept that it might’ve be written for someone else, they have this to fall back on and point to. Or, sadly, one of the simplest reasons for doing this is the age-old turning their ship preferences into ‘I’m right, you are wrong’ arguments. But these things can hide some internalized misconceptions. Unfortunately I haven’t seen the reboot of She-Ra (shame on me) so I don’t have the full picture for the take on Entrapta, but now I have one more reason to invest some time in it. In this situation with Rogue, I believe that what you mentioned applies very well. The argument that I’ve seen going around a lot is that Rogue was manipulated/swayed by being presented with the opportunity to ‘be normal’. Because she wanted to be able to touch and as a result she was taken advantage of because of her ‘disability’. Which is entirely false. In no version of the relationship between Rogue and Magneto in the comics, and not even in the reinvented take in the animation, has he ever abused that. Her attraction to him has always, always, come first, and the ability to touch, second. He was never the first one to act upon it. Even in the animation, every shot in the flashback was carefully considered to portray that - she is shown as the initiator every time (my favourite scene is when she’s trying her very best to pose in a suggestive way and he just paints her as he sees her, lively and sincere). But some fans don’t want to see that. They don’t want to acknowledge the authenticity of her decisions because it doesn’t serve the narrative they want of her/for her.

I read your message and it hit like a hammer how much deeper this problem can actually go, because it’s masked by those surface-level justifications. Removing agency and responsibility from someone just because they operate differently than one’s expectations is damaging in and of itself, and within a fandom it perpetuates an idea that can stifle people’s perspective and critical thinking. (This whole topic actually reminded me of Madison Tevlin's “Assume that I can” commercial. I think it's relevant to the conversation) Thanks a lot for sharing this!!! We need to talk more about these things and if I misspoke on something or missed something important would love to hear it. 💜

[thesteriuswife]

my favourite ever Thesterius fic is one where they have a huge ugly nasty split because Asterius finally feels ready to find his mother again and he wants Theseus to come too (because of how important it is to him and how important Theseus is to him), but Theseus refuses because he recognizes the fact that Pasiphae would not want to see him and his presence there would ruin any kind of reunion 💔 their inability to see each other's POV leads to petty anger in Asterius and self-harming habits in Theseus. When they come back together it is with the acknowledgement that they've both been forming some unhealthy habits, and that it wasn't good that Theseus prioritized Asterius over literally Everything, including his own happiness.

Obviously I don't want to steal someone else's fic ideas for my selfship, but whenever I think about Theseus and Asterius and their mothers my mind goes back to it. I like thinking about how Dia's presence would both complicate and simplify such situations 😭 Theseus and Asterius coming down from that initial outburst would definitely be easier with her along... especially because she's another pillar of support for Theseus and Asterius both, they don't have to rely solely on one another.

Aethra loves her son, but after her own history with men in her life and Theseus' own many failed relationships, I can see her being kinda wary... not because of any dislike for Dianthus, but because she isn't sure she trusts Theseus to love properly this time.

Dianthus already has some rapport with Lady Pasiphae (Dianthus talked to her to learn more about Asterius before the bull was brought to the blessed fields). She likes Dianthus, she thinks she's a good fit for Asterius and is definitely happy someone loves him in the way she does. But she hates Theseus! And for good reason... After what happened to Asterius, and Ariadne, and later to Phaedra, how could she not? Even mentioning his name around her is enough to send her into a rage! Dianthus feels awful tolerating how she speaks about him, even if logically she understands it and knows why, and may even feel that her own upset is kind of silly compared to Pasiphae... But it's there all the same. Asterius is upset for different reasons... His mother doesn't trust his judgement that Theseus isn't the person he once was, but also, as you can imagine, them eventually meeting and sharing a cordial relationship would be the most important thing in the world to him 💔💔

[vendettavalor]

@historiavn said: “ i guess my father had something to do with it, too. ” — Shi’al Valorum to Plo Koon

⚔️ Garrus Vakarian Prompts // CLOSED ⚔️

"Your father's status is not to be doubted in regards to your success. But his influence has only taken you so far. It is your own abilities and perseverance that has brought you to this point. Have no doubt about that." As a Jedi, Plo Koon understands more than most the merits credited to those higher in society than the rest; the weight of nepotism in regard to one's chances of success. Whether its impact was felt in education or occupation, there was no denying its power of impact.

But he also understands that such connections and such leverage can only carry an individual so far. Ultimately, success is earned through work and dedication. An individual can have the most well-known family, the most connections with the most leverage - yet having all the strings does not guarantee the finest web if the spider cannot put in the time and effort to spin it. Things only come easy to one if they have put in the work to reap such a reward.

"Take care not to downplay the role of your own efforts in your success. It is as much a product of your own work as it is your father's." He'd like to say more. Like the fact that order founded on nepotism should not be relied upon, as any one relationship soured could be the collapse of all relationships involved. Just look at the situation between the Republic and the Separatists. All because of the Trade Federation and their inability to separate friendship and business.

But it is not his place to make such comments. He recognizes that. He is a Jedi, after all. Not a politician. Such statements could be taken out of context to insinuate that the Order suspected corruption amidst the council. And the last thing he needed was to have his words misconstrued by anyone that might seek to bring down further scrutiny upon the Order.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

I suspect quite a few people on this site don’t realize they are struggling with the effects of chronic trauma. In particular I think more people need to learn about the symptoms of C-PTSD.

Distinct from general PTSD, Complex PTSD is caused by prolonged, recurring stress and trauma, often occurring in childhood & adolescence over an extended period of time. There are many risk factors, including: abusive/negligent caregivers, dysfunctional family life, untreated mental/chronic illness, and being the target of bullying/social alienation.

I’m not a mental health professional and I’m not qualified to diagnose anyone, I just remember a million watt light bulb going off in my head when I first learned about C-PTSD. It was a huge OH MY FUCKING WORD eureka moment for me—it explained all these problems I was confused and angry at myself for having. The symptoms that really stood out to me were:

Negative self-perception: deep-seated feelings of shame, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, and stigma. Feeling like you are different from everyone else, like something is fundamentally ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with you.

Emotional avoidance of topics, people, relationships, activities, places, things etc that might cause uncomfortable emotions such as shame, fear, or sadness. Can lead to self-isolation.

Learned helplessness: a pervasive sense of powerlessness, often combined with feelings of desensitization, wherein you gradually stop trying to escape or prevent your own suffering, even when opportunities exist. May manifest as self-neglect or self-sabotage. (I remember watching myself make bad choices and neglect my responsibilities, and having no idea why I was doing it, or how to stop myself. Eventually I just stopped caring, which led to more self-neglect.)

Hyper-vigilance: always feeling “on edge,” alert, unable to relax even in spaces that should feel safe. May be combined with an elevated “flight” response, or feelings of always being prepared to flee. (I used to hide important documents and possessions in a sort of emergency go bag, even when I was living alone and there was no logical reason other than it made me feel “prepared.”)

Difficulty regulating emotions: may include mood swings, persistent numbness, sadness, suicidal idealization, explosive anger (or inability to feel anger and other strong emotions), inability to control your emotions, confusion about why you react the way you do.

Sense of foreshortened future: assuming or feeling that you will die young. Recurring thoughts that "I'll be dead before the age of 30/40/18/21 etc." As a teenager I used to joke darkly that I didn't plan to live past 30—not because I planned to end my life, but because I simply couldn't imagine myself alive and happy in the long-term. I couldn't imagine a meaningful future where I wasn't suffering.

Emotional flashbacks: finding yourself suddenly re-experiencing feelings of helplessness, panic, despair, or anger etc, often without understanding what has triggered these feelings. Often these flashbacks don’t clearly relate to the memory of a single event (since C-PTSD is caused by repetitive events, which can blur together), making them harder to identify as flashbacks—especially if you’ve never heard the phrase “emotional flashback” and don’t know what to look for. For years I just filed it under “sometimes I overreact/freak out randomly for no reason, probably bc I am just a terrible human being.” (It turns out there was very much a reason, it was just hidden in the past. I have since learned to be kinder and less judgemental towards myself.)

There are other symptoms too, here are more links with good info.

I’ve been meaning to write this post for awhile, because I’ve noticed that a lot of the people I interact with online have risk factors and experiences similar to mine. These include:

growing up in a dysfunctional household

having caregivers who do not fulfill basic emotional needs (do not provide consistent positive attention, encouragement, support, acceptance, communication, a sense of safety and security)

on a very related note, experiencing neglect or abuse at the hand of caregivers or other adults. I also want to emphasize the significance of emotional abuse, since it is hard to recognize, easy to ignore, and utterly rampant in so many communities. In general, family dysfunction, abuse & neglect are quite difficult to identify when you are a child/teen and that is the only “normal” you have known.

(For example, in my family it manifested as an emotionally absent father I was vaguely frightened of, constant nagging from a hypercritical mother, and a house full of people who yelled and screamed at each other. It took me years to realize I grew up in an abusive environment, because there was no physical violence, because I participated in the fighting, and because my behavioral problems made me the family scapegoat. And I internalized that guilt: I thought I was the problem. But no—I was a child, and I deserved not to grow up in a household full of anger and fear and negativity. You deserved that too. You deserved to grow up safe and loved and treated with kindness.) 

anyway back to more risk factors:

being neurodivergent or chronically ill (especially without receiving proper treatment/support/accommodation)

being queer (especially in a conservative or undiverse community, or without the support and acceptance of family & friends)

being the target of bullying or harassment (from peers, teachers, authority figures, irl, online, etc)

being isolated or alienated from peers, from family, from your wider community.

growing up with chronic anxiety, discomfort, pain, fear, or distress caused by any of the above and more.

There are many other experiences that can cause chronic trauma, but these are some particularly common ones I see people in my own community struggling with. And I want more people to be aware of this, because we’ve been taught to ignore and second-guess the significance of our traumatic experiences. We’ve been taught to feel guilty for our own pain, because “other people aren’t struggling, so I shouldn’t either” or (contradictorily) “other people have it worse, so I shouldn’t complain.” But that’s not how it works—you are not other people, and you deserve to have it better. We all deserve better. We deserve to be happy. We deserve not to be in pain.

I used to think I couldn’t have a trauma disorder because (I argued in my head) the things that happened to me weren’t that bad. And then I spent five years in therapy learning to accept the full extent of my issues. I’ve since learned that trauma comes in many forms, and can happen quietly, invisibly, silently, chronically, and usually without the survivor being aware of the long-term repercussions of what they are surviving. That revelation comes later, after you have survived and must instead learn to live.

Finally, no single type of trauma is more real or harmful than any other. Severity is measured by the way the individual is affected, and the same situations affect different people in different ways. Because no one gets to choose how their brain reacts to trauma. No one gets to choose their hurt—otherwise there would be a hell of a lot less hurting in the world.

We can, however, choose to seek help. We can learn to recognize when something is wrong, we can learn when to reach out to professionals, and we can learn to educate ourselves on our injuries.

And gradually, we can learn to heal.

(posts like this brought to you by ko-fi supporters)

[wrenqueenisboss]

Fake-ish Parents — p!philza x f!reader

warnings: cursing (mild), insomnia, mental health, self-destructive behavior, relapsing (mentioned) characters: philza, mumza words: 931

you groaned as you looked at the time on your computer screen.

4:32 am

you had been up for way too many hours. editing, procrastinating, watching YouTube, watching your friends' VODs, criticizing your own VODs, and just listening to music.

but you were battling your insomnia.

insomnia: habitual sleeplessness; inability to sleep

it explained your behavior perfectly. sadly, you hadn't gotten a good nights' rest in over three months. your life a a streamer had taken over and honestly... it had become a cycle. you had gotten so used to staying up late that you began to fill the time, making things worse.

and it was getting seriously unhealthy. you had passed out twice on stream in the past month. chat went apeshit with concern and your friends refused to not be on call with you 24/7. you did manage to let them give you space; they eventually calmed down.

but the person who had been working to help you the most was Philza. every day, he had messaged you:

how's you day been?

how are you?

did you get enough sleep? (which quickly turned into: how many hours of sleep did you get?)

are you taking care of yourself?

and sometimes, the answers wouldn't be great. sometimes, you'd get four hours of sleep three days in a row... before relapsing into only one and a half- sometimes two. when that did happen, he was never angry with you. he simply wanted to make sure you were okay.

"if you ever need anything, just call, y/n," he always said. after every stream, every call, he'd always say it. and that warmed your heart.

so tonight, as you stare at the ceiling, you debate calling him. tears fall slowly down your cheeks. tears of frustration. because why can't you do better? why can't you take better care of yourself? why can't you stop being a burden?

but Philza's words ring through your brain. you know he would be proud when he finds out his daily mantras help.

you pick up the phone that's sitting next to you. press "call" next to Phil's name. and you take a shaky breath as it rings.

it's 2:35 in the morning where he is. the poor man is probably sleeping soundly with his wife. you're about to frantically press the "end call" button when a familiar, yet sleepy, voice fills your otherwise silent room.

"y/n, mate? what's up? are you okay?"

his concern makes you smile. makes tears rise up to the corners of your eyes.

"yeah, Phil. I'm okay. I just can't sleep as usual, but I really want to. I really want to get better. I really want to take better care of myself but I just don't fucking know how."

there's a little bit of rustling on the other line - he's moving around - before everything in the background goes silent. then the man speaks again.

"I'm proud of you for being willing to take this step and ask for help. that takes guts, mate. but I'm also proud of you for recognizing that you need more sleep. two months ago, you wouldn't have agreed. it's a huge step in the right direction. we're making progress!"

and believe it or not, a perspective that might seem overly-optimistic helped you feel a little better that night. it brought a little more warmth to your heart.

and you felt bad asking, but you thought it was okay, so you took that leap of faith.

"Phil?"

"yeah?"

"could you... stay on call with me, please? I- you're really calming and I want to get some sleep and-"

he was definitely smiling softly on the other side of the connection. "mate, you're like Kristin and my unofficial daughter. the entire internet agrees. of course I'll stay on call with you."

and he was about to say something else when another, still familiar voice, interrupted. you recognized it immediately. mumza.

"hey, y/n."

her voice was tired. your call had woken her up. she didn't sound mad but you still felt guilty.

she and Phil...

phil and kristin

dadza and mumza

regardless of the specific iteration, their relationship was perfect. they always loved you. always there to provide comfort. tonight, at 4:37 for you and 2:37 for them, was no different.

the blond man seemed to have caught his wife up to speed on mute because when you hear her voice again it was far more cheerful, yet still calming and kind.

"of course we'll stay on call with you, kiddo. you're like our daughter. we love family bonding time!"

that made you let out a tired chuckle, an almost secretive smile on your lips. "yeah," you mumbled. "family bonding time."

and as you changed into your pjs and brushed your teeth to get ready for bed, Phil and Kristin chatted about their day, their night, their plans, and past stories.

and when you finally curled into the covers, your phone resting on the other pillow by your head, you finally felt exhaustion crashing over you like the ocean waves.

and the mother-father duo, the perfect pairing, the parents of a ridiculous amount of internet heard one last thing from you before you fell into a deep sleep.

the words were mumbled and slurred with exhaustion, but they were still easy to understand.

as you eyes drifted closed and you mind began to attach from really in preparation for tonights' dreams, you said one thing

"you guys are the best fake-ish parents a tired girl could ask for"

the best compliment, really.

[al-hekima-madara-blog]

"Hashirama when did I go wrong ?" 1/2 : Dominate your inner demon

Madara analysis

Since Hashirama is not available, let me put on my therapist coat even if I'm just supposed to be your lawyer.

Madara Uchiha is a difficult character to picture without his context. Even when I read AU fanfiction with him, it's almost impossible to escape his past as a child soldier and warlord. He is literally the product of his time. The loss of every single members of his family was not something he could control (even if he falsely thought so) Many people would had gone berserk if they loose everything dear to them. I'll go berserk too. The difference with us and him, he got the willpower to set ablaze everything in his path. But let's try to decontextualise him (because yeah I got nothing else to do that torturing my mind!) and looking for some of his own mistakes. Let's go !

As often in Kishimoto's work a character's goal is giving to us in their childhood.

For Naruto it was about being Hokage and recognize by all. How ? By working hard while you are a loser and making friends while everyone despise you.

Hashirama wanted to reach peace. How? being strong enough to be heard while he lacks authority and leadership and build a village for children with a bunch of people hating each other for generations.

In Madara's case, reaching peace and protect his family/clan how? Being the strongest and find a way to read people's guts.

And there is his first mistake in my opinion. He reached his greatest potential alone, thanks to his hard work and his natural genius talent. But totally gave up the second part: How to read people's guts, in other words how to trust people.

At first like everyone I've found his inability to pee in front of people quite hilarious. But after a while I was wondering if this detail was not hiding a phobia resulting from a trauma. His conscience overcompensate his weakness by being hyper-vigilante. It's a defence mechanism which serve him well in combat.He is the only Uchiha having a two-faced susanoo, or limbo clones who were invisible and watched his back in this dimension and others. But stress my words he never confronted his weakness, he used it as a tool. And the older he got the heavier his weakness was obvious for those who can see * wink wink Black Zetsu *

Considering the Warring state era, his behaviour might be a PTSD. What did cause the trauma could be anything : stress of sudden attack as a toddler, loosing someone dear in his back, being stab in his back, being betrayed by an other uchiha. Being attack while peeing 🤔? We can only guess.

Time passing this « fear of having someone behind his back » leads to be a social handicap as an adult and as a ninja.

He could not trust anyone expect his brother and only after years of hesitation Hashirama. Ok so... he had one friend in 90 years of life time ?

He could not properly collaborate with other clans, we saw Senjus having strong relationship with Uzumaki clan to the point of marriage, the strongest alliance possible when you fuse two bloodlines. I'm not an Hashirama stan but I admit that he is a great politician. You know what always baffled me? The scene where Madara brought Hashirama to the Uchiha's tablet and explained that opposite working together can give great happiness. I don't know if it's because I'm a woman but I thought immediately about marrying a little senju, inbreed her with 5 to 6 babies. With a bit of chance one will get mokuton or sharingan or rinnegan. Safe bet. Then he rises his offspring who will naturally follow his lead and perpetuate his ambition after him. You can tell he didn't have a single female friends to advise him, and that Konoha didn't offer matrimonial service.

He could not learn from other people, what he got was always by force or stealing information. Hashirama most likely further his knowledges in fuinjutsu from his wife Mito and learned Sage mode with an unknown master outside of the Senju clan.

He couldn't not see other vision that what he experienced himself.

He couldn't see his own limitations, and his arrogance blinded his judgement. Ironic for the most powerful sharingan possessor !

He hardened his heart because he never acknowledged his needs for emotional balance. Family, friendship, in his case, is fundamental to his mental stability and a place where he can lower his warlord's mask, being vulnerable, being just human.

Lost his ability to social interaction. To start with, it was not fabulous but after 60 years in a cave he was really impossible to deal with. How come even Obito who was so kind and helpful to elders still ended up to be suspicious to him while it was so easy to manipulate a child to be your most loyal ally. He saved his life and share the same clan heritage. Obito should have been an easy and docile follower if only he wasn't so blunt. But he failed because mistrust attracts mistrust.

There is so much hidden message under the fear of people behind oneself back but that's how I visualise it :

The fact that there is real artists living and breathing on tumblr and I'm shamelessly showing off my poor paint skills makes me feel kind of bold😁

He enrolled himself in self-defeating prophecy where everything is suspicious and everything may betray him. He failed to be the saviour he though he was because he never challenged his biggest fear : his trust issue, the fright of the Unknown. In contrast, Naruto fought and dominated his own demon (Kurama) and even befriend him. It was scary, painful and long but it was worth it. Madara who once controlled and summoned Kyuubi as his personal little pet, was surprised when he saw what Naruto can do when cooperating with Kurama (sharing chakra and protecting a whole army) while himself back in the days was never able to do such thing and wouldn't even think about it because you know... he was fighting alone ! An other time during the war he couldn't believe the fives nations can work together because he never believed in collaboration. He even couldn't believe that Konoha foundation could attract more clans because he is so self-centered to his own experience.

Pwahaha it's soooo long, I don't understand what happened to me... 😵🤓Ok next in part 2 here "Hashirama, when did I go wrong ?" 2/2 Breath your spirit into the mud

And if you want to read more about my Madara's analysis follow me in my main page here

[curiosity-killed]

Lang Qianqiu deserves more love goddammit: a post, unfortunately

This brought to you by the wonderful @veliseraptor & @/yuer on Twitter but also mostly out of spite and the fact that it’s preventing me from writing a very dumb poke-the-bear post abt the entire weird social media culture around The Minors

As always ✨SPOILERS!! SPOILERS EVERYWHERE✨

So first off: when I hit the scene where lqq confronts xl and screams “I will never be like you” I sat up in bed, did a little shimmy of delight, and hissed “fuck yes” at like 2 AM so. Now you have a preview of wtf this train wreck will be

1 ) lqq is a good character

We don’t get a ton of time with lqq because tgcf is 87 side characters running across stage with The Most Interesting Concept constantly one-upping each other before vanishing. But what we do get is, I think, enough to make a pretty compelling story: Lang Qianqiu is a kind and generous prince who is also the sole survivor of the bloody massacre of his entire family, committed by the people dearest to him (both in his belief that Gusohi Fangxin did it and in the reality of An Le’s involvement), who goes on to peacefully lead his fractious nation into a peaceful reign before he ascends as a powerful enough (aka beloved and worshipped enough) god to be ranked among the top heavenly generals. That’s like. Pretty fucking classic protagonist vibes right there.

And, as usual with mxtx’s characters, we get a lot more than this lovely little backstory. In his interactions in canon, lqq is capable of great grief and anger; he is willing to sacrifice himself if it means avenging his murdered family; and he simultaneously holds both great hatred and great respect for his old teacher. And, of course, he winds up raising and taking care of his enemy’s son which shows a remarkable depth of compassion and emotional messiness that I find terribly compelling. He struggles with a simplistic view of justice that is supported by lies told to “protect” him and that is uprooted by the truth and forces him to try to make sense of the world without the guardrails that others installed around him (looking at you mister fangxin sir).

Also I’m stealing my own tweets bc I’m Right but:

*pulls up single barstool to lqq is a good character table* I think it’s interesting & Says Things abt the continued relationship btwn lqq & xl that lqq *didn’t* recognize xl, implying that he left fangxin’s mask in place even when he went to kill him

Like here is the man who killed his family & best friend, who left him abandoned in bloodshed on his 17th bday—& here is also the man who saved his life, who taught him, who lqq looked up to & wanted to be like

Even when lqq *does* recognize xl, he still has so much respect for him paired with that hatred that it’s honestly rlly tragic? Like man. There’s so much grief in lqq’s repeated demands for a duel & insisting it’s fine if xl kills him as long as he doesn’t hold back

*pats lqq pompom* this bb is so sad. And so much more like his teacher than either of them seem to realize or necessarily want

Despite being a pretty minor character, lqq gets a lot of complexity and nuance! Look at this child trying to be grown up while desperately turning to his old master for guidance and “the truth”! Look at him! Be sad!!

2 ) lqq is an excellent parallel to xl

Okay stealing my own tweet again don’t look at me I yell the same shit everywhere

Xl didn’t want lqq to become like him (self-sacrificing, vengeful, alone) but lqq not only became alone, chasing vengeance, & willing to sacrifice himself for revenge—he also became kind, open-minded, & remorseful!! & he still clearly respects xl @ novel end 🙃🙃

We all know hc’s “they’re not very alike at all” and yeah sure baby go support your man but narratively, there’s a lot of importance given to cycles, parallels, and foils in mxtx’s writing and most explicitly (compared to mdzs, haven’t read svss) in tgcf. For example, *gestures at beefleaf, gestures at Xianle Trio vs Wuyogn Crew, gestures at Xie Lian & Jun Wu’s whole uh. Deal.* And while I’d argue xl and lqq are part of a triumvirate rather than a pair, we’re not including mister three-face in this conversation so just looking at xl and lqq:

Both adored and sheltered crown princes

Both taught by a guoshi who was seeking to prevent the repetition of their own tragedies and in their efforts, lied/omitted information and failed to protect their charge from tragedy

Both were betrayed* by their closest friends

Both are the last living members of their respective royal families

Both caught the interest of supernatural beings from a young age

Etc etc I’m getting v bored and distracted writing this so moving on

Most importantly to me, we have their betrayal by a very close and adored mentor and how they react. The confrontation I mention at the start of this shitshow is really imo one of the most important scenes in the novel because it a) illustrates the differences in xl and Jun Wu and b) sort of gives you a preview of how xl ultimately wins

So a) Jun Wu and Xie Lian both take a talented, marked-for ascension young prince under their wing. Jun Wu sees himself in the boy and obsesses over shaping him into Jun Wu’s own image in the belief that this will make him the perfect heir. Jun Wu pushes his chosen heir into situations where Xie Lian is repeatedly harmed in an effort to show that the common people are fickle and cruel and don’t deserve his compassion and care.

Meanwhile, Xie Lian is reluctantly roped into mentoring his prince due to his inability to stand aside when he feels he could do something to prevent hurt or injustice befalling another (simultaneously his great strength and great weakness! God I love him). Xie Lian tries to teach his student to believe in and care for the common people and not to sacrifice himself (see: flashback convo re:taking the force of the sword strike into his own body).

When Xie Lian refuses to bend in the shape Jun Wu demands, Jun Wu bashes his head into the wall. When Lang Qianqiu cries “I will never be like you!”, Xie Lian laughs and says “Good!”.

B) this of course feeds directly into foreshadowing! Like Lang Qianqiu’s bold words, xl ultimately refuses to become like his mentor and remains defiant even when it would stop him from being hurt. Xl beats lqq and says so what if I tricked you, so what if I lied, I still won. Naturally, xl beats Jun Wu not through standard swordplay but by using a trick he learned while forced to busk and wander the earth alone and unlucky for centuries.

…okay so I have fully forgotten what I was actually saying here! Anyway!

Like Xie Lian, Lang Qianqiu spends a time consumed with the need for vengeance, hunting his enemy and rejecting the heavens. And like Xie Lian, he winds up caring for his enemy’s “son” and trying to both comfort him and maintain what’s left of Qi Rong’s life force despite having previously been hellbent on destroying him—bc he sees the impact it has on another person. In the end, he even gives a gift to Xie Lian—his mentor, his role model, and the one who killed his father—that was once given to him as a symbol of unexpected kindness. Sound familiar?

But, importantly, and contradictory to what I have been yelling abt but whatever it’s 12:30 am, Lang Qianqiu is not a direct mirror of Xie Lian but a closing of a vital loop in the story. Lqq is very similar to xl (I will die on this hill!! Only I won’t bc I’m stronger than y’all and will keep swinging these pots and pans) but bc xl tries to do better and keep lqq from suffering the way xl has, lqq is able to have a gentler and more optimistic path forward. He’s proof that even a small act of kindness or even kindness to only one person still matters and has a ripple effect that can’t be seen when you’re in the middle of it—a thread started with xl giving the coral pearl to Lang Ying and closed with Lang Qianqiu returning the pearl to Xie Lian.

So I have no idea if any of this is coherent or compelling but I meant to be asleep two hours ago and the points are:

A) Lang Qianqiu is good actually

B) parallels!!!

C) look ive already started another wip about Lang Qianqiu and Xie Lian and I didn’t want this but no one else wrote it so now I have to so pls just accept this as a warning

*sort of air quotes around this for Xie Lian bc frankly Mu Qing was right & Xie Lian kicked feng xin out BUT on the other hand, it was experienced as a betrayal and we also again have all of Jun Wu’s shit so it evens out

[mostly-hannibal-memes]

Hannibal Fic Recommendation List - Infidelity

Infidelity fics

Back to Overview

Falling Away with You by Shotgun_sinner Will Graham is a private detective with a fiancée who doesn't understand him, his empathy disorder, or his obsession with catching the Chesapeake Ripper. His night terrors force him into an ultimatum; couple's therapy, or their relationship is done. Will meets his new therapist, Hannibal Lecter, and his entire world is turned upside down. Words: 192,001 Chapters: 31/31 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Find Me In The Dark by Rising_Phoenix After a fateful accident, the marriage of Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter has reached its end. Grief and the inability to stop them from falling apart has brought an irreconcilable distance between the formerly deeply devoted couple. While Hannibal is apathetic towards his husband, ignores him, and is withdrawn, Will has started an affair with fellow teacher Francis and drowns his desperation in more and more alcohol. Both men are not ready to give up the memory of the happiness they once had together and are still not able to reach out for each other when they need it the most - but then a trip to visit family changes everything... Warning: Will has at the beginning of the story a relationship (and sex) with Francis. Hannigram though is endgame. Words: 40,131 Chapters: 16/16 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

throne by YouAreMyDesign Hannibal's gaze sharpens, and he lets out an aggravated noise. "A surrogate," he repeats. "I believe you were the one who made it perfectly clear that I must sate my needs on my own. That I can do as I please, as long as it does not rely on your involvement." Words: 4,217 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Putain des Palaces by cicak They are having an affair. He tells himself he won’t let it get in the way of the plan. Words: 3,889 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Housekeeping by FKAHerSweetness Marriage is a creature living separate from its components. Yet it requires attention, tolerance and care. Have you seen it? Could you recognize its deep wounds - and which one of you inflicted them? And are they ready to heal? What do you really know about this illusory animal? Words: 96,562 Chapters: 19/19 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

A Christmas to Remember by EarthsickWithoutYou Will Graham is looking forward to a peaceful and relaxing vacation with his girlfriend Molly at a luxurious ski resort. Little does he expect to run into his ex-husband, Hannibal Lecter, who is staying at the same resort with his own companion, Alana Bloom. Will thought he left his love for Hannibal -- secretly the brutal Chesapeake Ripper -- deep in his abandoned past as an FBI profiler, but as Christmas magic fills the air and Hannibal begins working his charm to the hilt to try and win his ex's heart again...perhaps Will is not quite so over Hannibal, after all. Words: 32,164 Chapters: 7/7 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

the stop place by bluecarrot Will Graham has an affair. Words: 13,764 Chapters: 11/11 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

To Impress by Everett_Harte, sku7314977 Chilton invites Matthew to a soiree after a work incident as his plus one to pay the orderly back for saving his life, Matt invites his new boyfriend Will and Hannibal decides that he would very much like to get to know Matt's boyfriend a little better. Words: 12,099 Chapters: 3/3 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Flight of a Buteogallus Anthracinus by IHidMyFaceFromYouNoMore Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter have been together just the two of them for a good while – until Will's long time friend Matthew Brown wedges himself between them. Something has to be done about it. Words: 5,084 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Crystalline by The Druid Gurl (DruidGurl) Stripper!Hannibal AU (sort of) The proprietor of a successful restaurant, Hannibal (who may or may not be a serial killer and definitely WAS an exotic dancer in his youth) is coerced by an old acquaintance to take a job dancing at a bachelor party. When he shows up, he realizes a mistake has been made, but he also realizes something far more interesting: the groom to be is hotter than Mt. Vesuvius. Circumstance and intent lead the boys where it always should: into bed. A lot. Words: 59,216 Chapters: 6/6 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Teach Me a Lesson (Already Learned) by whenitstarted Will being married to Molly and cheating on her with Hannibal. Words: 3,142 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Bittersweet Symphony by eicilux "Am I supposed to call him Dad?" Hannibal asked, undoing a button on his suit jacket. He was wearing a three-piece suit. Leave it to his now-stepson to dress more formally than himself at his own goddamn wedding."No, uh..." Will cleared his throat, extending a hand. "Will is fine." Dad would've made him feel old. He was forty. Hannibal shook it. "Pleased to meet you, then, Will." Molly smiled radiantly at both of them. shameless pwp <3 based on this thread Words: 10,303 Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

[pastelsandpining]

✨ Hey ✨ Can I order a . . . 5, 27, and 33? 👀 With a Zelink as the main course? (TP) <3

this is not my best work and it's incredibly over due but!!

Solace

words: 1526

warnings: as always read with caution; mentions of grief, homesickness

Masterlist | Prompt List | Touch Prompts

------

The Princess of Hyrule was regal and elegant, and everything that any other aspiring queen could only hope to be. Refined, proper, just, and wise beyond her years, and yet, he could see the silent struggle she carried. He did not pretend to know her; he was nothing but a farmhand who’d been given the sword of destiny and knew nothing about running a kingdom, pulling it from ruin, balancing personal trauma atop the trauma of thousands, repairing diplomatic relationships and boundaries, or governing a people that stretched from icy mountains to scalding deserts. The inability to belong in Ordon, to fit in with those who loved him enough to mourn him instead of adapt to who he’d become, did not mean he could insert himself into the life of castles and crowns.

And still, Link found himself keeping an eye on her. The first time he noticed her grabbing her wrist was during a meeting with the general in the early days of his recruitment. He’d pray for forgiveness every night for how he looked at her, studying her as if she could give him whatever it was that he was looking for, and he chastised himself for the needless concern. She was royalty, a goddess reincarnate. She probably had hundreds of people waiting on her constantly, attending to her every need and taking notice of every little sign of distress or trouble. He said nothing to anyone about it, but he still found it odd she’d done it multiple times in what was only a half-hour time frame.

The next time he was close enough to see her repeat the action, a fair amount of time had passed. Princess Zelda had warned him that, should he accept her invitation to join the knights of the castle and teach them what he knew, he would have to undergo months of training before he was deemed of high enough rank to offer any sort of knowledge that could be considered useful. The training was intensive, but it was easy compared to holding the weight of the world on his shoulders.

It was during the knighting ceremony, when he was watching her instead of listening to the speech of the general, when he saw her grab her wrist. No, not her entire wrist. Two fingers were pressed to one small, specific area—her pulse point. She was checking her pulse.

Such an innocent action made him feel dirty, as if it was something he shouldn’t have noticed. Maybe if he was anyone else, he wouldn’t. But Link had grown very observant of people and their actions within the last few years. If only he knew what it meant, but he didn’t.

For all of the courage he possessed, it took a little bit of liquid luck to get him to ask. She’d cordially invited him to a small celebration (why specifically for him, he would never know) that same night, and maybe both of them were drinking for some sort of anesthetic relief.

“It reminds me that I’m alive,” she answered, lifting her fingers to the pulse point in her wrist again, “at times my body no longer feels like myself, or when I remember what it looked like, limp and lifeless.”

“Is it comforting?” he asked curiously.

“I don’t know.”

A beat of awkward silence hovered in the air between them. Then, Zelda held her wrist out towards him. An invitation, maybe--or at least, that’s what he took it as, cupping her hand in one of his own to support it while the other settled two of its fingers against the artery in her wrist. The beat was steady and strong. The feeling was visceral, and he didn’t know why. What was it about the steady beat of blood traveling to and from the heart that set him off, had him thinking about her, and of Midna, and of Ilia, and of home? All things he’d lost to the twisted strings of fate, left only with a princess he wanted so desperately to but couldn’t reach. That was the cost no one ever spoke of, and he knew she felt it too. Maybe it was his offer of help, or maybe it was the one selfish thing he’d done since he left Ordon, but he lifted her hand just high enough to brush his lips against her pulse.

Link did not see the princess again for another month. He was whisked away to some outpost to keep a careful eye on the activity of a bokoblin pack, something boring that left him feeling limp and drained and longing for any sort of companionship. Sure, he got along well enough with other knights, particularly those he’d been training with, but it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t like the relationship he’d had with Ilia, or the closeness he had with Midna, or whatever he craved from Zelda.

When he did return, a too many, thirty-something days later, he wasn’t sure what he expected. He didn’t think he was fit for anything with the princess, but here she was, a mere few hours after his arrival, at the brink of tears as she asked, in a voice too small to fit the big role she filled, to speak with him.

Maybe the lack of company had gotten to her, too. He didn’t pretend to know her enough to make the assumption.

The garden was the most secluded place outside of her bedroom and as soon as she deemed they were far enough, she broke into a fit of sobs. Link had never seen the composed princess fall apart before. He couldn’t even ask what was wrong. All he could do was watch her in surprise, wracking his brain for what he was supposed to do when his superior in every way of existence cried.

Without a word, she held up a reflective shard that took no time to recognize as he took it from her hands. The weight shifted immediately, making him feel homesick for something he no longer had.

“Why do you have this?” he asked softly, fighting to look at Zelda instead of the Mirror of Twilight piece that he wasn’t sure he could trust his reflection with.

“It reminds me of… a dear friend,” she replied in the breaks between her gasps for breath. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have it. I should’ve given it to you sooner.”

She looked so...guilty over something. He didn’t understand where it was coming from, or why she was so sorry over something so trivial.

“It’s yours,” he argued. “Why give it to me?”

“You were close to her in a way I never could be.”

Link frowned, lowering the shard in favor of looking at her. She looked a mess. How long had she given herself to the effects of the mirror?

“That’s ridiculous,” he whispered as he placed the shard down on a bench, as far away from her as it could possibly get at that moment. “She loved you.”

“Why do we talk about her like she’s dead?”

Hylia above, he was so useless. He reached for her, circling his hand around hers, and searched for her pulse point. It seemed to ground her enough to where she could breathe again. When the gasps finally stopped, he pulled her towards him and wrapped her in a hug. It was all he could do as he whispered back, “It’s easier to let go that way.”

And just like that, the people of Ordon made sense to him. Just like that, Zelda dug her fingers into the back of his shirt and held him a little tighter. Just like that, whatever barrier was holding him back from pursuing a friendship, from being selfish just a little bit more, was broken.

Months of conversations between meals, or on night walks, brought them closer than he ever thought he’d get to be. Maybe, finally, Link was starting to heal from all he’d faced. Maybe she was starting too, as well. The dark circles were fading and she was gaining some well needed weight. She looked healthier, smiled easier, and he knew her well enough to make that assumption.

The turning point was the night of her coronation. Zelda felt well enough to pursue her crown, and they celebrated on their own after the grand ceremony, sipping wine and twirling each other about in her bedroom.

She was laughing. Her smile was beautiful and he couldn’t help grinning right back. Link hadn’t felt this warm, this complete in a long time. Maybe she felt it too, because she tugged him closer by the hands and covered his smile with her lips.

This was what he was looking for, he was sure. A sense of belonging, and never had he expected to find it with the queen of Hyrule, who was so far out of his league. She’d never hear it of course, which would lead to many playful arguments in the future, but for now, he was happy to kiss her, feel her pulse, and hug her close enough to restore the warmth he lost when he had to be away.

[mfkinanaa]

CANCER RISING.

Born with Cancer on your Ascendant (or Rising), self-realization comes through a sophisticated attunement to your highly developed feeling nature.

You make sense of life through instinct and emotion.

You are likely to experience strong intuitions, and at times psychic sensibilities, and will therefore need to learn the difference between insight and projection.

Because you are so sensitive, you must recognize the impact that this can have on you.

You will need to acknowledge your sensitivity, accept your desire to nurture and support others, and acknowledge when this sensitivity leads you to take on too much, or become overly responsible for how others feel.

Learning to use your intuition to guide your choices is an important skill.

Self-awareness will grow as you develop emotional intelligence.

Your Home is Your Castle.

You may be very adaptable to change in your external circumstances, but need a peaceful and secure home base for your foundation. Home is very important, providing a sanctuary from the outside world. You may have a tendency to switch off and retreat here from time to time, especially when hurt, depressed, uncertain or confused.

You are likely to need clean, comfortable surroundings, and will prefer the company of refined people who can appreciate your unique qualities. Often close to family and friends, you are probably domesticated, with good cooking skills, as well as very capable on the work front.

However, a love of travel means that it is important to have the means to be able to get up and go. You may enjoy frequent changes of environment, allowing you to soak up the most of what life has to offer by soaking up the atmospheres of unfamiliar places.

Business Smarts.

Cancer rising gives business acumen, and you could do well as an entrepreneur owing to your heightened sense of how to cater to public tastes. You bring a practical, cautious yet determined approach to your own affairs which translates to good business practice. There is often great tenacity here, and you are likely to accomplish what you set out to do, despite constant flux and changes.

With persistence as well as careful strategic planning, you can easily profit by providing what others need.

In your professional or personal life there may be a tendency to avoid direct confrontation. You may approach problems sideways, in an attempt to negotiate emotional boundaries. You may at times be inclined toward stinginess, owing to an overly cautious attitude to money, which comes down to fear about having the ability to control external circumstances. You should learn to trust your feelings enough to know when it is time to conserve what you have and when it is time to spend.

Heightened Sensitivity.

As Cancer is a Cardinal sign, you need to direct your sensitivities, but this must be done in a way that is not overwhelming. Learning how to offer support when required is important, but you need to understand you are not responsible for others’ emotional wellbeing. The ability to nurture comes easily to you. Opportunities to care for others leads to growth and self-awareness.

Yet knowing when to draw the line is paramount. You must learn what is and IS NOT yours to be responsible for.If not achieved, then your life may feature constant episodes of drama and emotional intensity.

In this case, you can attract weak, needy, helpless or manipulative people – people in extremes of emotional crisis – in order to learn valuable life lessons. You can find yourself in relationships where one partner plays the role of adult and the other becomes the child. You might find yourself wondering why all of your friends seem to have problems? At the end of the day, this may have something to do with your need to feel needed, or inability to say no?

Healthy relationships need to be formed without guilt or co-dependency. Lessons in partnership usually involve learning to control and discipline your responses, so that they are appropriate to the situation at hand. You must also learn to trust what your instincts are telling you.

Family Life.

Family is likely to be very important to you. You will happily take on the role of responsible care-giver in any situation and will thrive on knowing you have a happy and productive family life. Whether you choose to focus your attention on family of origin or family of choice, a stronger sense of self will come through maintaining close family ties. 

When young, you may be deeply invested in the emotional state of your mother. This can be detrimental if bonds of responsibility are not transformed at a later stage. Letting go so as to develop independence and strength is crucial. You may have been dutiful as a child, shy and overly aware of the emotional undercurrents within your home.

It is easy for you to unconsciously take on your parents’ expectations, as you want to be obedient and conform to the family structure. Yet at the end of the day you must tread your own path. As you get older the action-oriented qualities of this sign should push you out into the world, to find your own identity on your own terms.

The Gift of Cancer Rising.

For greatest success, you need to understand how the ebb and flow of your own inner cycles, letting intuition guide you. Your sense of rhythm and timing will lead you to where you need to go. The accuracy of your often precise instincts is a great asset, and your intuitive hunches will almost always be spot on.

Trust your feelings and learn to decipher between what is real information and what is just an emotional response. In time you will learn that intuition is a higher form of knowledge and your feelings are in fact your sharpest tool.

LEO RISING.

Born with Leo on your Ascendant (or Rising) you are likely to find that a sense of authority and the opportunity for creative self-expression is necessary if your are to maintain your selfhood. 

Accordingly, you will have your own unique or special way of doing this.

Your talents need to be developed so that they can grow.

In many ways, when Leo rises your task in life is to shine!

There is a strong need to be “somebody” – to feel important and respected somehow.

You will either grow in greater confidence and warmth of expression as you share your generous spirit with others, or develop a tendency toward affectation and extravagance which belies an underlying insecurity.

Much depends on the choices that you make.

Healthy Attention.

If Leo is your Ascendant you are likely to need attention and approval from others, so you are better off to admit that from the outset. The need to stand out in your own right is paramount. You have extraordinary reserves of creativity and love that need an outlet. Following your heart and exploring your passions will help you bring these gifts to the fore.

Once you feel you are getting the recognition you deserve then you can become a great source of fun, inspiration and leadership. Doing what you love brings your best qualities to the fore.

Larger than Life.

Just like the sun itself, you are likely to be fixed in focus -appearing constant and reliable, with a cheerful disposition that uplifts others. Life is to be enjoyed, and you may feel the need to live in a grand manner, befitting your “special” status. Or you may be happy with simple surroundings, but will make the effort to ensure there is plenty of time for pleasure, romance or fun.

In some ways you are likely to have a larger-than-life attitude. You are all about grand gestures, big dreams and stunning vistas. You are also likely to be a capable and demanding authority figure, well suited to leadership and managerial positions. Others respond well to your kindness, sense of fun, faith and optimism. As a rule, you tend to be proud, are sometimes insecure despite your capabilities, and hate above all else to be criticized.

As Leo is the sign of royalty, there may be a tendency to at times expect “the royal treatment” – indulgences befitting a personage of such elevated “status”. If not received, your temper tends to flare.

Overblown displays of outrage brought on by wounded pride can mask deep insecurities. The fear of ‘not being recognized’ easily becomes sullenness if you don’t feel that you are receiving your due.

A Born Leader.

The need for comfort and luxury is likely to lead you to work very hard for success. Your love of recognition makes achievement even more important for you. This is fine as long as you don’t work too hard, neglecting the family and friends who are after all your main audience and support crew. Give them their due attention and they will be there for you on the occasional day that you are down.

You are naturally here to lead in some way, but need to learn that leadership involves sharing command. Finding out what makes others special and unique helps you incorporate them into your plans. You must learn to temper your urge to fulfill your own potential by learning to appreciate and accept the contribution that every body makes to the whole, of which we are all a part.

Beware you don’t treat others with disdain or disrespect. You are so inclined to do things your own way, you may look down your nose, so to speak, at others who do not do things as you would. People will follow you gladly if you treat them with respect.

Scorn them, and they may leave you all alone, which is precisely the situation you fear. You need an audience or form of feedback to know you are performing at your best.

Turn Talents into Strengths.

When young you may have trouble adjusting your expectations to the actual circumstances of your life, but over time you will learn how to find the magic in the every day and the best in the people around you. Recognize where your talents lie and turn them into strengths. This means spending the time required to be your best and make the most of your unique gifts.

A positive statement for Leo rising is to affirm “I have the right to express my unique, individual creativity and spirit, and can do that without denying others the right to express theirs.”

The Gift Of Leo Rising.

It is important that you feel comfortable enough to show others who you really are, without demanding validation. Then you can shine from the uniqueness of your own creative spirit, bringing joy light and laughter to every situation in which you a part. You bring organizational and leadership qualities to any endeavour, with a natural flair for drama, creativity and fun.

VIRGO RISING.

Born with with Virgo on your Ascendant (or Rising), you are likely to view the world through the lens of mental analysis, with a view toward organization.

You have strong critical faculties and need to find practical outlets for your skills, talents and abilities.

Typically humble and at times self-effacing, you are likely be more concerned with being useful than being recognized.

You need to be productive – to be of service somehow – and your chosen career will typically give you the opportunity to experience best employ your skills.

You are likely to be practical, capable and dexterous.

You may be very good with facts, figures and details.

You may also be quite hard on yourself because of early childhood experiences, and need to learn to recognize and appreciate your talents.

The Urge For Service.

When your Ascendant is Virgo, you are usually willing to assist and be of service to others. Unless other chart factors dominate, you are likely to be hardworking, conscientious and studious. You like to know your place in the wider scheme, and feel most comfortable with a plan in place.

Cleanliness and order are often very important, as is the need to be systematic. You are likely to be good at solving problems, and will do well in any situation that requires you to work through an issue or challenge in a linear, demonstrable way.

A Tendency Toward Criticism.

Despite your abilities, you are likely to be tough on yourself, with a tendency to worry. If you do not perform tasks to an imagined standard of perfection you can be very self-critical. Your tendency to worry may undermine your nervous system, and the uncertainty of too much change can take a heavy toll.

On the way to realising your potential you may need to overcome a crippling lack of self-confidence. Virgo rising is often associated with a tendency to self-censor and self-criticize that can be debilitating. You may inwardly question and criticize every move that you make, leading to extreme levels of anxiety, and even chronic illness, if the impact on your nervous system becomes too much.

A Sensitive Constitution.

You may a have delicate constitution, and need to take extra care of your physical body. Your health, and especially digestion, is easily affected by negative thoughts and emotions. When anxious you will second-guess yourself. You may find yourself easily overwhelmed so that stress gets confused with logical analysis.

This confusion amplifies your tendency to self-doubt, and you should perhaps get feedback from others when you are spiralling down a mental sinkhole. Learning to praise, rather than criticize, your own talents is a great step forward. Developing a sense of purpose through being of assistance can work wonders.

Instead of trying to be perfect, perhaps you should aim instead to simply be better?

You may be very particular about food, which reflects your delicate nervous system. Learn to listen to your body and take care of your health, but watch out for tendencies to worry about your wellbeing as a substitute for something better to do!

Taking care of your self is a smart choice, and you will benefit greatly by incorporating a healthy diet, workable routines and natural therapies that can assist wellness. Regular practices such as yoga and meditation that work to synthesise mind/body focus are especially useful for you.

Discernment and Discrimination.

Whilst you enjoy doing things for others, you may have a need to try and control outcomes. This will be based on an innate fear of chaos or potential lack of order. You should make an effort to relax and welcome the input of other people. Look for people and experiences that can teach you how to flow, trusting in the natural rhythms of life without trying to preempt every outcome.

Virgo is associated with the assimilation of experience. This occurs through trial and analysis, through discernment and discrimination. Use the processes of metabolism and digestion as metaphors for your own approach to life, and in this way can learn to see any imbalances within your own body as perhaps symptomatic of an imbalance in how you are assimilating your experiences. Once you connect your fine sense of discrimination with your practical sensibility you can be of service to yourself and others in an unlimited numbers of ways.

The Gift of Virgo Rising.

At your best, you can be supportive, nurturing and stable helping others achieve practical outcomes. In this way, your sense of discernment, practicality and willingness to serve rises to the fore, adding purpose and fulfilment to your life. You do best with partners and friends who uplift you, helping you see the bigger picture behind immediate appearances.

[baoshan-sanren]

Chapter 36

of the wwx emperor au I’m thinking of calling Fuck the Canon: Happy Endings For Everyone

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 Part 1 | Chapter 8 Part 2 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 Part 1 | Chapter 15 Part 2 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 Part 1 | Chapter 22 Part 2 | Chapter 23 | Chapter 24 | Chapter 25 | Chapter 26 | Chapter 27 | Chapter 28 | Chapter 29 | Chapter 30 | Chapter 31 | Chapter 32 | Chapter 33 | Chapter 34 | Chapter 35

Jiang YanLi has come to inquire after the Lan Sect Leader.

She has come armed with pear soup that turns the guest chambers fragrant with the scent of ginger, and a lovely smile that turns any objection uncle may have into an unseemly incivility. Uncle is not fond of sweet things, but cold soup with ginger is exactly what the Head Healer had recommended. Not an hour had passed since the last time uncle had brusquely declared that there is nothing the matter with his lungs. Under Jiang YanLi’s watchful eyes however, he is forced to consume two bowls, and thank her for the attention.

XiChen is not surprised by her consideration, but is surprised by her request that he join her for a stroll in the Imperial Gardens. Uncle, no doubt wishing to see the back of her before another bowl is forced down his throat, readily gives his assent. Still, it is difficult to imagine why Lady Jiang would be interested in XiChen’s company. They have hardly spoken a dozen words to each other in the past five days, and despite the fact that Jiang YanLi can hardly move two steps about the Immortal Mountain without an escort of servants and guards, XiChen wonders if their acquaintance will invite scrutiny. After all, Lady Jiang is engaged to be married to the Young Master of the Jin Sect, and it does not take much, to wound the Jin Sect pride.  

Regardless of her reasons, he agrees, and makes a valiant attempt to be an acceptable, pleasant companion.

The Imperial Gardens are beautiful, despite the bleakness of the late autumn. On XiChen’s initial tour of the Immortal Mountain City, Jiang WanYin had also taken him through the Imperial Gardens. That particular outing had been a silent one, as Jiang WanYin had distinctly lacked any interest in flowers, trees, or architecture. Jiang YanLi makes for much more pleasant company; she is well-versed in the history of the gardens, and she happily describes the significance of the cypresses and wisteria, narrates the history of the various sculptures, and explains the intent behind the structure and placement of each pavilion.    

XiChen is beginning to think that Lady Jiang had simply wanted some amiable company for the morning, and had chosen him on a whim, perhaps for no other reason than the convenience of his location in the Jade Sword Palace. But these thoughts are quickly negated as she pauses on the path to the Pavilion of the Moon and the Wind, turning to him with a rueful smile.

“I hope you will not be cross with me, Young Master. I have brought you here on the request of a friend. Ordinarily, I would not agree to be complicit in such deception, but he is a very dear friend, and I am afraid I owe him a very great debt.”

XiChen feels both trepidation and exasperation. Silver and green robes are now clearly visible at the end of the path, but XiChen does not need to see them, to know which friend Jiang YanLi speaks of so fondly.

Only the day before, he had decided that his continued association with the Nie Sect Leader needed to end. He had been determined to keep his distance from the man until the Lan Sect’s eventual departure for Cloud Recesses. The relationship between them, if one can even call it such, will bring him nothing but heartache and pain.

Nie MingJue had offered to speak of his affection. XiChen had rejected his offer.

Although he does think the man too bold by half, he had never expected such brazenness. To trick him into a meeting, and to do so by using the High Councilor’s own daughter?

Brazen is too kind of a word for this. This is utter shamelessness. XiChen should be resolute in his decision, and unmoved by trickery. He should turn around and leave.  

Instead, Jiang YanLi is the one who leaves. XiChen, his feet refusing to listen to his commands, remains helplessly fixed to the stone path, his heart beating wildly, his mind in turmoil.

How can he blame Nie MingJue, when XiChen is his own greatest enemy? It is convenient to think that he had not recognized the man’s treatment for affection before YiLing. To pretend that Nie MingJue’s regard had been utterly invisible until he spoke of it out loud.

But it is not the truth. XiChen had not known, but he had suspected. Worse, he had hoped. He had hoped fiercely for another few moments stolen, another brush of the man’s fingers against his own, another rare smile turned in his direction. XiChen had hoped, and Nie MingJue had obliged.

The silver and green robes are directly in front of him now, and XiChen speaks before his thoughts have fallen into order, his voice clearly agitated, “You have tricked me, Sect Leader. Boldness can often be perceived as a virtue, but deceitfulness is always abhorrent.”

Any other man would recoil from such an attack, but Nie MingJue does not even offer an apology, “Would you have seen me, had I not resorted to these measures?”  

“As you clearly know the answer, why ask the question?”

In the short silence that follows, XiChen desperately tries to organize his thoughts. Fighting the urge to meet the man’s gaze is taking up entirely too much of his focus, and the closeness of him is distracting to the extreme.

He should be leaving. He should have left the moment he had recognized the color of the Nie Sect robes. 

Why is it that he cannot do such a simple thing?

“You are angry with me,” MingJue says.

He is not wrong. XiChen is angry. But all of his frustration is entirely focused inward, at his own inability to properly deal with the situation that he, himself, has had a hand in creating.

“I apologize for deceiving you,” MingJue says, “It was not my intention to cause you distress or discomfort.”

“What is it that you had hoped to gain from this meeting, Sect Leader?”

“Great many things, I am afraid,” he says easily, as if unaware of the tension, “I had hoped you may allow me to hold your hand again. To hear you speak. Perhaps, if I am very lucky, to see you smile.”

XiChen makes an incredulous sound, a huff of air released without his permission. Nie MingJue is the most ridiculous creature that ever existed, and with each passing moment, XiChen is less and less capable of holding on to his anger.

“To what purpose?” he says, “I had thought we understood each other.”

MingJue’s fingers wrap around his own, lightly, allowing him the option of pulling away. Although he knows that he should not encourage further intimacy, especially not at this moment, when he is making every effort to be firm, XiChen tolerates the contact, simultaneously scolding himself for his weakness.

“XiChen,” MingJue says, “You would not let me speak of my affection. How then, are we to have an understanding?”

XiChen’s words tumble out one after another, heated and unsteady, “You-- why must you be so persistent? Must I clarify my position over and over again? Mutual affection does not alter the reality of our individual circumstances. Nothing can be accomplished by speaking further on this subject.”

Even as he speaks, he realizes that the words may be too harsh. He had been taught, from a young age, not to speak lightly, to consider and evaluate how his words may be perceived. But none of those lessons had ever taken Nie MingJue into consideration, a man who seems to scramble his mind simply by existing.

Yet, when he finally dares meet the man’s gaze, Nie MingJue is smiling.

“You admit, then, that there is mutual affection,” he says.

“Oh--“ XiChen splutters, his face growing hot, “You-- you are impossible.”

Had he really felt that his words were too harsh only a moment ago? Stabbing him with a sword would be too kind. 

MingJue’s hand had tightened around his own, and XiChen tries to jerk it away, sure that his face must be flushed to the roots of his hair.

“This conversation is finished,” he snaps, “let me g--oh.”

MingJue’s lips are pressed to his knuckles.

It is a fleeting kiss, a slight pressure, his hot breath washing over XiChen’s hand. The sensation catches on his skin, flames racing to each fingertip, scorching across his arm to stop in his chest. Trapped there, it flutters wildly, a bird beating its wings against a cage.

“Do not be angry with me,” MingJue says, cupping the hand in both of his, enveloping it in warmth.

“I am not angry,” XiChen says, but his hand is trembling now, and his voice wavers with each word.

“Do not imagine me ignorant of your circumstances,” MingJue says gently, “I do not ask that you disregard your responsibility. I would never ask such a thing of you.”

His thumb brushes against XiChen’s wrist, another shivering sensation, impossible to ignore.  

“Your situation will not tolerate a compromise,” he goes on, “but mine is not nearly so severe. Allow me a chance to try. I would give up a great deal to share a lifetime with you. Everything, if I must.”

“Nonsense,” XiChen stutters, “Do not say such things.”

“Why? I speak the truth.”

Neither one of them had moved, but MingJue seems closer now, close enough that the green scent of the surrounding bamboo is overwhelmed by the frost-covered pine. He lifts XiChen’s hand, wrapped in both of his, and unfolds it against his chest. Underneath his fingertips, XiChen can feel each delicate thread of the silver embroidery, the silk cloth cool and sleek against his skin. It takes him a moment to recognize the thrum of the heartbeat; it is as quick and forceful as his own, despite MingJue’s outward composure.

“Give me permission,” MingJue says, “and I will move the earth and the sky to be yours. But I must know that you are willing.”

XiChen cannot fully comprehend these words. He does not understand why someone would wish to share a lifetime with him. WangJi is the only person who knows him well, who can read his thoughts, understand his motivations, predict his actions, and still, even WangJi grows frustrated often, as much as he attempts to hide it. Even to his cool and collected brother, XiChen is a frequent source of annoyance and dissatisfaction. How much greater will MingJue’s disappointment be, once he is fully aware of XiChen’s shortcomings?

He swallows heavily, and tries to find his reasonable voice, the voice he had honed over numerous arguments with uncle.

“MingJue,” he says, then stops, the hands gripping his own suddenly tightening to the point of pain.

XiChen nearly groans in frustration. How is it that he takes one step forward, only to take two steps back? It is impossible to take back the familiarity now, and he makes no attempt to do so.

“You speak of a lifetime after a five day acquaintance. I am not what you think me to be. This way lies nothing but disappointment.”

MingJue huffs, as if XiChen is the one speaking nonsense.

“Are you not fiercely loyal to your Sect?” he asks, “do you not place their well-being above your own? Did you not beat me in combat, a feat no other man had accomplished in a decade? Were you not the one who felt pity for the immortal trees? Are you not the same man who spoils his horse? Who play-fights with his brother in ankle-deep mud? Do you truly think that there is a single part of you that I will not admire?”

Stunned, XiChen finds himself at a loss for words.

“No human being is free of faults,” MingJue says forcefully, “and no relationship is free of disappointment. My shortcomings are many, and you may grow to hate each one. I speak of a lifetime, because that is what I offer, but I do not ask for a lifetime in return. All I ask is to not be dismissed out of hand. You are not a Sect Leader yet, and free to go where you please. Come to QingHe. Spend the winter in the Unclean Realm. Allow me to visit Cloud Recesses in the spring. I will make no mention of affection if you do not wish to hear it again, nor will I ask for affection in return. But give me an opportunity to show you, how a lifetime could be spent, between you and I.”

XiChen’s hand involuntarily clenches in the folds of silk, gripping it tight. 

How simple it all sounds. He cannot imagine what uncle would say, if he were to spend the winter in QingHe. He does not want to imagine what the Elders would say. MingJue is right, XiChen is free to go where he pleases, but he would never do so of his own volition. He would not have even considered it as an option, if MingJue had not said it out loud.

It is a perfectly reasonable argument, but XiChen cannot pretend that it is harmless. Even if MingJue is capable of going months without speaking of affection, XiChen is not certain that he could spend months with the man without seeking some sign of it, without yearning stupidly each time they are together.

This-- is an enormous risk. To his reputation, his relationship with his uncle, and his relationship to the Sect. But the greatest risk, the one he is most afraid to take, would be to his heart.  

“I cannot spend the winter in QingHe,” he says.

MingJue’s hands clench over his own, as if trying to stop more words from coming, or perhaps to trap XiChen’s hand against his chest forever, regardless of his decision.

“Uncle withdraws for a month each winter, to meditate. I must take his place.”  

MingJue’s hands are shaking. XiChen’s heart is beating loudly in his ears, and he feels light, as if floating somewhere above the ground, weightless and free.

“But you are welcome to spend the winter at Cloud Recesses. And in the spring, if the offer still stands, I am willing to visit QingHe.”

[dahlia-coccinea]

A few thoughts on Rachel Ablow’s essay: she perfectly frames that while Cathy does have sway over others, she lacks a true autonomous power within society, outside of her ability to make a socially advantageous marriage. She doesn’t have the opportunity Heathcliff has to go and make her fortune, nor can she inherit and be given political power like Edgar. She can only peripherally have this power through her marriage and to what the time period termed “female influence”. To contextualize “female influence,” it’s the idea that women held such influence on men that it was equivalent to actual civil rights (???). Ablow quotes author Thomas Henry Lister (1800-1842) who was against female liberation and said of “female influence”, "the question is not whether direct influence shall be substituted for the indirect, but whether it shall be superadded.” This is something I’ve seen in other writings around this time period (and unfortunately I’ve heard echoed to this day). 

So, Ablow makes clear how Catherine is excluded from true authority and political clout of any kind - and yet sides with the “Cathy only loves those who obey her” narrative, saying:

"Catherine has no real power, after all; what she saw as power, her supposed slaves appear to have seen as nothing more than requests they might or might not choose to fulfill. And at the moment when Catherine recognizes this fact, she is forced, too, to recognize her insanity.”

(Side note: calling Heathcliff and Edgar her “slaves” bothers the heck out me). She expands on this later saying:

"Catherine's madness thus reveals the double bind the married woman faces, having to choose between being delusional (believing she has power when she does not) or being insane (experiencing and recognizing the truth of her subjection).

Therefore it is not: “...the product of her recognition of her mistake in marrying Edgar (Raymond Williams), her inability to separate herself from Heathcliff (Philip Wion), her attempts to starve herself to heath (Susan Gorsky, Michelle Masse), or her dread of the coming birth of her child (Margaret Homans).”

I can’t agree with this because Catherine’s lack of power is something she recognizes and Abow’s argument paints her unnecessarily as a narcissist like so many others do...Literally, sentences ago Ablow points out how Catherine is aware of her position and that is what makes her marriage to Edgar inevitable in her mind. Yes, she declares: “I have such faith in Linton’s love, that I believe I might kill him, and he wouldn’t wish to retaliate.” But that doesn’t negate her understanding that she toes the line with welcoming Heathcliff (and simply hurting Edgar unfairly) when Nelly says she “deemed it judicious to moderate her expressions of pleasure in receiving him.” 

Ablow also picks the quotation of Cathy speaking to Isabella about her relationship with Heathcliff: “I never say to him, 'Let this or that enemy alone, because it would be ungenerous or cruel to harm them;' I say, 'Let them alone, because I should hate them to be wronged,” to say that shows her faith in her ability to command those around her - but ignores the later on in that same conversation: “I’m his friend—so much so, that had he thought seriously to catch you, I should, perhaps, have held my tongue, and let you fall into his trap.” Catherine’s relationship is not so one-sided. I don’t see why we should doubt her words here as she does care for Isabella and Isabella does (except for during her obsession with Heathcliff) love Catherine. 

Also, this shifts any blame from the other characters onto Catherine for no reason. Edgar IS wrong for blaming Isabella’s immature actions on Catherine. Heathcliff IS wrong to pursue Isabella with the intent to hurt her and Edgar. Isabella IS wrong to fetishize Heathcliff and be uncivil towards Catherine.

I would say that her ensuing madness is (among other things) brought about by Edgar casting Heathcliff out. That is at least the catalyst. I believe it is twice she mentions the desire to break both of their hearts - right after the argument she says “I’ll try to break their hearts by breaking my own.” and then again on her deathbed to Heathcliff she references this saying: “You and Edgar have broken my heart, Heathcliff!” But her focus is definitely on revenge against Edgar. She repeatedly states sentiments like: “If I were only sure it would kill him,” she interrupted, “I’d kill myself directly.” and she does reject him (although he seems to ignore it and just blame it on her mental instability) when she says: “What you touch at present you may have; but my soul will be on that hill top before you lay hands on me again. I don’t want you, Edgar: I’m past wanting you.” This is a stark contrast from her feeling towards Heathcliff, who even though he disobeyed her she says: “But, Heathcliff, if I dare you now, will you venture? If you do, I’ll keep you. I’ll not lie there by myself: they may bury me twelve feet deep, and throw the church down over me, but I won’t rest till you are with me. I never will!” Her acceptance of him even after he is a “brute” towards her is another bit of evidence that her love isn’t based solely on obedience...

[avatar-state-kate]

Get By With a Little Help From My Friends: The Role of Others in Mako and Bolin’s Character Development

In my dual character analysis of Mako and Bolin -here- I discussed how Mako and Bolin’s personalities informed the others. In that original meta I brought up how the two experienced the most growth in season 4, a season they mostly spent apart. Now while I do believe this separation contributed to this growth that is not to say either brother was alone.

Here I want to explore how the primary relationships the brothers had in season 4 facilitated either brothers respective arcs.

Bolin and Varrick: Partners in Crime

As discussed in my first essay Bolin has a tendency to attach himself to strong (read:controlling) personality types and his friendship with Varrick is no different with Varrick taking on the leadership position and Bolin the follower. Varrick comes up with the scheme and Bolin goes along with it, and in season 4 the scheme is working for Kuvira.

For Varrick this is a job, as he heads her engineering department. For Bolin however, while working under the direction of others this is an opportunity to help people. At the very start of Bolins storyline we are meant to doubt the validity of this claim- is Bolin really helping people or does Kuvira kind of seem like a dictator? Opal outright argues this point when the two meet in the earth kingdom province Kuvira is “helping”.

Bolin’s inability to see this is in character, Kuvira and Varrick are in charge and both are telling Bolin that what they are doing is right so he’ll listen (growing up on the streets there would not have been room for negotiation with Mako). However, once the truth becomes too much to ignore and Bolin wants to defect it is Varrick who leads the charge, as Bolin initially attempts to leave the army without upsetting Kuvira (read: people pleasing tendencies).

It is not until Varricks attempted joint suicide that we see a shift in Bolin’s character, it is this moment and not the realization of Kuvira’s true nature that is Bolin’s characters inciting incident. While Varrick takes the charge in rigging the spirit gun explosion this is where his plan ends, if they are going to live through this Bolin is going to have to take charge and save them- he will have to become the protector.

Outside of the lab and without Zhu-li, Varrick is essentially a child, literally needing to be carried by Bolin. Rescueing Varrick marks a role reversal where Bolin becomes the leader/provider rather then the follower/dependent role he usually fills.

When the pair comes across the escaped water benders and Firebenders from Kuvira’s prison camps, it is Bolin who makes the decision to stick with them and fight the earth kingdom soldiers despite Varrick ordering they retreat, and it his Bolin who makes the call to stick with them and sail to republic city despite Varrick not wanting to.

In needing to take care of Varrick, to be the parent, Bolin develops a greater sense of autonomy.

Bolin and Opal: I Want You Back

Working for Kuvira resulted in a rift between Bolin and Opal. Prior to this falling out with Opal the only character Bolin has had a falling out with in the series was Mako during season 2 when he did not believe that Varrick was responsible for orchestrating the attack on the southern water tribe cultural center. Despite this resulting in Mako ending up in prison, once released Mako was quick to forgive Bolin no questions asked. Bolin has never had to earn Mako’s forgiveness, but Opal will not be won back so easily.

Not only does Opal refuse to just forgive Bolin, but where Mako would give guidance by telling him exactly what he should do, Opal only says he’s going to have to do better then a picnic. Bolin needs to come up with a solution to his own problems, he needs to take control.

This leads to the events of operation Beifong, a rescue mission that Bolin orchestrated. The rescue involves Bolin recruiting Lin and Toph, having the foresight to bring cables for Wing and Wei to aid in the escape once freed, and deciding to stay behind to rescue Zhu-li. Although working as a member of a team this is hardly the soldier Bolin who was working for Kuvira, he is a contributor not just a follower.

In summary, having to take care of Varrick and win back Opal helped Bolin to develop the ability to take initiative and care of himself without needing the direction of others.

Mako and Wu: Meeting in the Middle

Rather then forcing Mako into a completely opposite position, as Bolin’s relationships with Varrick and Opal do, Wu instead meets Mako halfway.

Throughout the series Mako is shown to be a natural caregiver as a result of being a parentified child. While this is maladaptive in the wrong contexts (read: overprotective) as Wu’s bodyguard it is literally Mako’s job to protect Wu. Not only is it Mako’s job, but it is a facet of Mako’s character that Wu is receptive to- compare Mako trying to protect Korra in season 2, most clearly represented in Korra’s negative response to Mako promising Tonraq he would protect him before he left the expedition to the SWT spirit portal, with Wu’s response to Mako, Asami, and Korra’s rescue mission. Where Mako’s protective tendencies resulted in fights between him and Korra, (her own trauma of being raised in a compound for her protection interacting poorly with Mako’s here), Wu is very happy to have Mako save him. Wu’s desire to be cared for is also apparent in the recurring joke of him asking to be carried and his catch phrase “Wu down”- Wu wants to have someone there to take care of him.

However, while he likes to be cared for Wu doesn’t want to rely solely on Mako. This is evidenced in asking Mako for defence lessons as well as his decision to abdicate, which shows he wants to properly lead (read: take care of) the earth kingdom. In this way Mako can fulfill his emotional need to be needed while not also having to be responsible for Wu.

Another issue Mako grapples with is control, he needs to insert himself into a leadership role, again see Wu’s rescue. However in being Wu’s body guard Mako cannot be the boss, Wu is. This is the point of most of Mako’s early irritation with Wu, Wu doesn’t have to listen to him and he cannot control him. Mako’s need to control stems from his need to protect, however Mako fails as a protector when he doesn’t listen to Wu, Wu tells him to escort him to the bathroom and he says no. Wu’s kidnapping is a harsh lesson in the need to defer control, and ultimately helps Mako to relinquish control. This is best shown when Mako allows Wu to take over the radio announcement to initiate the evacuations- Mako lets Wu take control. While Mako needs to learn to relinquish control Wu needs to learn to step up as a leader, something he initially has little interest in doing, which Mako points out to him. In taking control of the radio broadcast and later leading the evacuation at the train station Wu learns to lead.

Finally, Mako has difficulty tending to his emotional needs. Wu does not have this issue, as he is fairly open about what he feels and needs, the best example is Wu’s breakdown at little ba sing we mall, as he 1 has no restraint in expressing himself and 2 has no problem reaching out to Mako (“carry me”). Wu’s emotionality if anything is selfish as he lets his emotions take over the situation, his anger incited a mob at the mall. Compare to Mako who keeps his emotions to himself to prevent them being a burden or upsetting others.

Mako also has an outburst at little ba sing se, calling Wu our for his selfishness; this goes against his people pleasing tendencies, which is good because it allows him to be honest (compare to the amnesia plot where Mako lies to protect Korra’s feelings).

Wu is receptive to Mako’s criticism, and has shown to be sensitive to Mako’s emotional state; having invited Mako to the mall for smoothies as a means of cheering him up after his fight with Bolin. And Mako is likewise receptive to Wu’s emotional state as he is aware he crossed a line with his outburst in little ba sing se and apologizes (again compare this with season 2 Korra and his inability to recognize when he had crossed similar lines). Again, Mako and Wu meet each other in the middle

In summary, Mako and Wu meet eachother half-way, with Wu helping Mako to be less controlling and more honest and open in his communications, while Mako encourages Wu to be more self reliant. They grow together.

Conclusion

As a result of their childhoods Mako and Bolin have a fairly codependent relationship where each brother fulfills a set role. Season 4 the brothers spend time apart, time with other people wherein they need to leave their usual roles and instead build on the characteristics they had previously been able to neglect; Bolin becomes more independent and self directing and Mako becomes more attuned to his emotions and less high strung.

We see the final mark of this shift in the brothers relationship in the attack of the colossus where we witness a rule reversal between the two brothers- Bolin making the pragmatic suggestion to retreat and live another day, and Mako the emotional appeal to protect Republic City and those still in it (ahem Wu).

Ultimately this makes the brothers relationship stronger as they come back to each other not two halves but each their own whole.

[kinktae]

bitchin’ || pt. 5 (M)

↳ PART OF MY REWIND SERIES

The 80s were a time of choices. Which perm was right for you? What color neon would you wear next? None of these choices, however, were more questionable than a certain deal you made with Jeon Jungkook.

pairing: fratboy!jungkook x reader

word count: 6k

genre: 1980s au, eventual smut, e2l

warnings: drunk sex, sober sex, fingering, handjob, sum tongue dick action, y/n has her first orgasm lol & JK getting a FAT ego about it

A/N: This fic was inspired by To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. Thank you to @junqkook for letting me use her likeness!

OFFICIAL PLAYLIST

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10

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PART FIVE

“Man, I wish microwaveable popcorn was a thing when we were kids. Remember what a pain it was to make popcorn over the stove?”

You and Jungkook were sat up against the side of his bed, a bag of popcorn in between you.

“I once set an entire pot of kernels on fire when I was ten. The whole stovetop just whooshed into flames.”

You nodded at Jungkook’s words, “You know, that really doesn’t surprise me.”

“Yeah?” Jungkook laughed.

“I always figured you were a chaotic child,” You mused, taking a swig from the bottle of vodka, “my question is… why were you allowed to use the stovetop unsupervised at ten years old? Where were your parents?”

“Lawyer parents, remember? I did whatever the hell I wanted.”

You frowned, “Well, what happened? Did you burn the house down?”

Jungkook took this moment to grab the bottle from you, taking a sip of his own.

“Hmm? Oh no, the maid just put it out, and I went upstairs to play Atari or something.” He shrugged. You rolled your eyes.

“You rich kids are annoying.”

Jungkook merely flashed you a smile, popping a kernel into his mouth as he chewed it languidly.

“Did you know that Francis Crick and James Watson didn’t actually discover the double helix shape of DNA?” You brought up suddenly, eyes wide.

“What?” Was all Jungkook could reply, too drunk to understand the sudden turn the conversation had taken.

“Yeah! They actually based their findings on a colleague's. Rosalind Franklin. Her images are what revealed DNA to be in the shape of a helix.”

Jungkook’s said nothing, his eyes quietly resting on you, clearly intoxicated.

You quirked up an eyebrow, “What?”

“Nothing you’re just… so lame.” He observed.

“Hey!”

“No, no, no. Lame but, like, in a cool way.”

“Was that meant to be a compliment? Because I’m still offended.” You deadpanned.

“Isn’t it interesting that even when drunk you’re still a nerd? Like does your brain ever shut off?” Jungkook continued, eyebrows furrowing as if your intelligence was indeed some unsolved mystery.

“Are you even listening to me, meathead? Rosalind Franklin discovered DNA’s shape yet those two dinguses got all the credit! How the hell is that fair?”

“Woahhhh… that’s kinda bunk.” Jungkook’s eyes went round.

“Totally bunk!” You emphasized, throwing your hands up in disbelief.

For a moment, silence fell over the two, soaking in the injustice of it all.

Jungkook was the first to break the silence.

“Tell me about the best sex you’ve ever had.”

Your eyes flickered over to him, equal parts confused and surprised at where he had chosen to take the conversation.

Then again… this was Jungkook you were talking about.

“Mine was the night after prom in my car outside my date’s house.”

You hardly paid Jungkook’s confession any mind, too in your head to even absorb any additional information.

“Well, I’ve only ever been with Erik…” You explained vaguely, still trying to sort through all your sexual encounters with your ex.

“Okay, then what was the best sex you guys ever had?”

Tilting your head to the side, you furrowed your eyebrows.

It wasn’t like sex with Erik was terrible. You loved him and loved that you got to be intimate with him in that way. But as far as which time was the best… well, you supposed they were all pretty much the same.

“Maybe the night of my 18th birthday? It was the closest I ever came to–” You cut yourself off, your words falling from you before you could think about what it was you were about to reveal to Jungkook.

Jungkook's head cocked to the side, causing his hair to shift.

"Closest you came to what?"

“To, uh… an orgasm?” You admitted, a shy smile on your face.

“You’ve never orgasmed during sex?!”

Your hands flew out to cover Jungkook's gaping mouth, giggles filling the room.

“I mean… no, not really.”

“Not really?!” He let out a breath of disbelief.

"It's not like either of us knew what we were doing. We were each other's first time." You shrugged.

This answer didn't see to satiate him, however, as he shook his head, “Y/N, you really are missing out. You should make sure your next partners are better.”

“Well, it’s not like I’ve just got a pool of people interested in me to pick from.”

The messy-haired boy scrunched up his nose, flashing you a look as if he was questioning your IQ.

“Of course, you do! Listen. Believe me when I say some guys dig that whole subtle yet sexy nerd thing you got going on.”

“Uh, thanks. I think?” You replied stiffly, staring down at the bag of popcorn that was growing increasingly empty. Was that Jungkook's doing or yours?

Your drunken curiosity was sated the second a handful of popcorn found your fake boyfriend's mouth.

“What about you?”

Jungkook paused at your words, turning to you in muddled confusion.

“Have I orgasmed during sex?” He frowned, mouth full of the buttery snack.

“No, you dickwad." You snickered, grabbing the bottle from his side, twisting back on the cap. "Are you into nerdy girls? Or do you only like girls who only like you once they think you've lost interest in them?”

It was a dig at Kiri, you knew it was, but quite frankly you had just enough alcohol in your system to not care. As far as your interaction with her went, she was not a nice person enough for you to even consider feeling bad.

“Is this your way of asking if I’d fuck you? Because the answer is a hard yes.”

You let out a laugh, lightly shoving Jungkook’s shoulder, ignoring how his breezy comment had made your stomach flip.

“I’m serious. I’m curious as to what kind of people you’re attracted to.”

“Honestly, I can't remember the last time I genuinely liked someone. I mean, I know when my dick likes someone but…”

Jungkook could see the confusion cross your face.

“Wait, what about Kiri? Don’t you like her?”

“What? Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course.” He shook his head as if to refocus his thoughts.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I really don't understand why you want to get back with her so badly. She left you for your fraternity brother. I don't think your relationship is very healthy— for either of you." You confessed.

You had been thinking about this ever since the first day you met Jungkook; it was only just now that you had gotten the chance to tell him.

“There's a lot of history between us, Y/N. She's my best friend... or at least she was. I don't know. Things are different now, but it's hard just to call it quits after all this time."

For a split second, you wanted to ask if he even still loved her, but realizing it really didn't matter, you held your tongue.

"You guys look good together." You said instead. "She's hot, you're hot. You're both in Greek life..."

Had he been sober, Jungkook would have undoubtedly commented on the fact that you had called him hot, but instead, he just drunkenly nodded, murmuring a small word of agreement.

"Tell me about Erik." Jungkook spoke finally after the two of you fell silent.

You let your head fall back, resting against the bed.

"What about him?"

"Everything. How did you guys start dating? What was he like? Why did you guys break up?"

You let out a hum, bringing your knees to your chest.

"We were both in the biotech academy, although he went to a neighboring high school. We met at a chemistry competition, actually." You began, wrapping your arms around your shins.

"Ah, yes, the beginning to every dorky love story." Jungkook nodded, coaxing a soft chuckle from you.

"Yeah. You could say we looked good together too."

Jungkook shifted, bringing an arm up to place on the bed as he leaned into his side to get a better look at you.

"He was kind of perfect, you know. Charming, good looking, smart... like, really smart. The kind of smart that inspired me to work harder because, well, I really wanted to be a girlfriend he could be proud of."

It was strange to hear you talk like this. As far as Jungkook knew, everything you did was for yourself. Not in a selfish way but in a way that was empowering and self-governing; he couldn't really couldn't imagine you living any other way.

“So then why did you break up?” Jungkook asked, eating some more popcorn. "I mean, other than his inability to bring you to climax."

"He asked me to marry him."

Jungkook paused mid-chew.

"Woah, right after high school? That's crazy!"

You gave him a soft smile, "Actually, I said yes."

Jungkook’s mind was whirling. You had agreed to marry your high school sweetheart? The idea wasn’t super far fetched, certainly not in the town where the two of you were from, but it certainly didn’t feel like something you’d ever do.

You watched expectantly as Jungkook’s gaze fell onto your left hand’s ring finger. It was free of any kind of jewelry, however.

"Erik was a wonderful boyfriend. He used to shower me with compliments; said I was beautiful, funny, and all he could ever want, but, you know, he never once called me smart.”

You straightened up, waving a hand in front of you as you began to clarify what you meant.

“Obviously, I don’t need to be reminded that I’m smart. I’m confident in myself and my abilities. But it’s true, he never acknowledged any of my achievements.”

Jungkook’s expression softened. You had said it matter-of-factly, but he could imagine how hard that must have been for the person you loved not to take the time to recognize how hard you worked.

“At first I didn’t really mind all the sly comments and disinterested replies– if anything, it just propelled me to work harder; I just wanted to impress him. It didn’t matter in the end though. Because no matter how many extracurriculars I joined or how many tests I aced, it was never enough to interest him.”

“But he was so charming and otherwise a good boyfriend so I never really said anything. I loved him. So, I said yes.”

“But… you didn’t marry him.” Jungkook added. You nodded through a sigh.

"It was the day after he proposed, I had just found out I was granted my scholarship that would take me to college here, but instead of celebrating with me, he got upset. He didn’t understand why I was so insistent on going to college when he was going to become some bigshot doctor that make enough for both of us. He said he would take care of everything.” You recalled. "And I know that's all some people want to hear– that they'll be taken care of. But..."

"But not you." Jungkook said.

"I want to be able to take care of me. I want to be able to wake up every day and do something I love... and I want the person I love to be excited about that, too. To encourage me to follow my dreams. And as much as I loved Erik, I wasn’t willing to let all my hard work amount to nothing. I had something to prove to every teacher that doubted me, to my dad– to myself.”

Jungkook wished he could articulate all the thoughts that were running his head. He would tell you that he understood that you made the right decision. He wanted to say that Erik was an asshole for ever making you feel like you weren’t enough. But Jungkook was drunk and his heart was pounding too loud as he watched the way your breathing grew heavier, clearly somewhat emotional.

“Erik needed someone to depend on him, to sit at home and listen to his day, all while being smart enough to hold a conversation as long as it was about him and his achievements. Once I came to terms with that, I gave back the ring." You revealed.

Jungkook ran his tongue over his bottom lip, the surface dried out from the popcorn’s salt.

"How did that go?”

“Actually, surprisingly well.” You mused. “Don’t get me wrong, we were totally crying like idiots — we were each other’s first love after all — but he admitted that he was surprised I said yes in the first place. I think he really hoped I’d be the kind of wife he wanted, but, deep down, he knew that I just wasn’t that girl.”

“I think you were wrong about him.”

Turning your head over to the frat boy, you furrowed your brows together, “Huh?”

“You said he was some super-smart genius, right? I think you’re wrong. Only a moron would ask a girl like you to shrink yourself just so he could feel big.” Jungkook glowered.

You said nothing, bringing your chin to rest on top one of your knees as you stared at the suddenly angry boy beside you.

“If anything, Erik couldn’t cope with the fact that you were probably smarter than him. I know my man ego is frail, but god damn his was paper-thin. You’re formidable, Y/N. Completely and utterly capable of anything you set your mind to and anyone who gets scared off by that isn’t worth your fucking time.”

“Jungkook…” You muttered, a strange feeling in your stomach fluttering.

“I’m serious, nerd. You’re like… um… the sun!” Jungkook marveled, eyes growing full as the realization dawned on him.

“The sun?” You laughed.

“Yeah, like… you’re this bright, beautiful thing that seems like it’s here in front of me but is really light-years away.”

Jungkook was drunk, and although you were sure he was making more sense in his head, you couldn’t help but feel your face grow hot, unsure of how to react to his drunk analogy.

“You’re the sun, Y/N. You make the world turn for you. Never orbit for anyone else.”

And suddenly, you were kissing him, for no other reason other than you wanted to and that it felt like the right thing to do.

His hands found your waist, ushering you onto his lap so that he could kiss you easier, wasting no time in reciprocating. Gripping your thighs, he left out a sigh as your mouth found his neck.

“What are you doing, silly girl?” He cooed, causing your insides to squirm.

“Guess I’m also a frisky drunk.” You muttered into his neck, letting your tongue run against it.

“Yeah?” Jungkook hummed, letting his eyes fall shut.

“Well, I have drunkenly kissed Yara more times than I probably should.” You admitted, pulling away from him.

“And here I thought I was special. You’re a heartbreaker, Y/N.” Jungkook let out a dramatic scoff, hand slapping against the side of your thigh ever so lightly.

He was expecting a witty comment in response, or at least a drunken giggle. What he wasn’t expecting was the way you’re eyes were fixated on his revealed torso, a shy but unmistakably wanton expression on your face.

“What is it?”

Your eyes flashed back up to his in surprise.

“Tell me. If there’s something you want, you have to tell me so I can give it to you.”

“W-What?” You stammered.

“You’ve been ogling me ever since I walked into your dorm.” He continued coolly. “You don’t have to pretend like you’re indifferent towards me, because I know you’re not.”

He sat up suddenly, causing your ears to heat up as his face suddenly neared yours.

“So, if you want something, tell me.” He muttered lowly, one of his hands grabbing yours as he pressed it against his torso.

Biting your lip, you let your fingers run against the firm surface of his abs before, to both your and Jungkook’s surprise, your hand found the crotch of your fake lover’s sweats.

A sharp breath came tumbling from Jungkook’s lips as you began to palm over his already semi-hard cock. For a moment, Jungkook wondered if he had drunk himself stupid and that this was just an inebriated hallucination. The feeling of your mouth finding his collarbones told him very quickly that he was, in fact, still awake.

“This what you need, hm? Need my cock?”

You let your teeth nip at Jungkook’s hot skin, protesting against his mocking words. Your actions did nothing to deter the boy, however, as a low moan fell from him.

You could feel the way he had stiffened under your hand’s ministrations, thrilling the most primal part of you.

Fingering the waistband of his sweats, you let out a heavy breath, “This is wrong.”

This was extremely wrong. You should not be seconds away from taking the dick of your pretend boyfriend into your hand, especially when he was planning on going back to his ex. Speaking of which, Kiri was probably still somewhere downstairs.

“Morality sucks.”

You pulled away from Jungkook’s neck with eyes wide. He had a cocky smirk on his face, undoubtedly smug at the way he had quoted Glen Lantz just now. It was the kind of expression that any other occasion would summon a scoff from you but given the circumstances, you couldn’t help but return it back to him.

“Get on the bed. Lay down for me.” Jungkook ordered, causing your stomach to do a flip.

You gave him a timid nod before moving up from his lap.

You had hardly had your back on the bed before his mouth found yours, newfound desperation in his movements. You struggled to keep up with the kiss, too consumed in the feeling of his warm palm making it down the fabric of your sweater, running under it as he searched for the button of your pants.

With his tongue against your neck, his hand found slipped between your thighs, pressing against the wet patch of your underwear. You flinched, it had been so long since someone else had touched you like this.

“You okay?” He asked suddenly, pulling away from your neck. He wanted to make sure it was okay to touch you like this.

“Yeah. Just been a while.” You confessed, face hot.

And just like that, his touch lightened, trailing up and down your clothed slit carefully. It was meant to be gentle but his feather-like touch caused your hips to jerk, the feeling trying you crazy. You could hardly stay still as he began to kiss you, fingers slowly quickening in speed.

You tugged at his hair, knowing now the way he liked it and you preen with pride as it made him rut against your thigh.

Whining as he suddenly sank two fingers into you, Jungkook broke the kiss, moving to sit upon his knees to get a better look at you as he began to fuck into you.

You were certainly a sight to see, eyes struggling to stay open as you lost yourself to the feeling, small cries escaping you as he rolled over your clit. His free hand was gripping your thigh, enjoying the way it was shaking under his touch.

As much as you wanted to maintain yourself, your hips had a mind of their own, rolling up to meet every thrust, desperate for his touch. Jungkook’s eyes never left you and it wasn’t long before it became too much.

“Jungkook... stop staring at me.” You whined, finally.

“Sorry, you’re just so sensitive. I like watching your reactions.” Jungkook admitted lowly, chuckling as you moaned in response to a particularly hard thrust.

Heat rocketed up to your neck, forcing you to look away.

“S-Shut up, I hate you.”

“Considering how wet you are for me, I have a hard time believing that, baby.”

“Dammit, just fuck me already.” You begged.

As much as the thought of coming undone on his fingers appealed to you, you would be damned if you left this party without his dick going inside of you. You didn’t know if you’d ever get another chance like this one and the alcohol in your system would be the perfect excuse for doing this in the first place.

Jungkook felt his balls tightened, the idea alone exciting him.

“Well, since you asked so nicely.” He teased dryly, moving back in between your legs, hand gripping the edge of his shirt to pull it over his head.

“Wait!” You cried out before you could stop yourself, immediately wishing you could take back the exclamation.

“What? What’s wrong?” Jungkook worried, eyes growing wide in concern.

“N-No, leave it on.”

Dammit, dammit!

It slipped out of your mouth before you had the chance to stop yourself.

You had a massive crush on Johnny Depp, so the second Jungkook pulled up to your dorm dressed as Glenn Lantz you knew you were done for. The idea of Glenn Lantz fucking you had you embarrassingly excited and now Jungkook knew that.

You were expecting Jungkook to laugh or make some slick comment that would inevitably convince you out of letting him put his dick inside you, but to your surprise, he merely smirked, first wrapping around his cock as he lead himself to your wet entrance.

Your fingers dug into his shoulders as he sunk into you, the stretch stealing a breath from you. Shutting your eyes, you felt as he finally bottomed out; it had been so long since you had felt this full and you almost forgot the feeling.

Jungkook cursed into your neck, kissing the skin there to calm himself down. You felt so good wrapped around him but the last thing he needed was him cumming early and you thinking he was a one pump chump.

Your soft whines and the way your hips were moving into his was his sign to start moving, clearly adjusted to him inside you.

You should have expected that Jungkook would be good at his, but the way he instantly found the right pace and angle caught you off guard, robbing you of a moan.

“Fuck.”

You sounded so pretty like this and Jungkook’s chest swelled at the thought that your sounds were for him.

“Fuck, you feel so good. So tight and wet for me.” He grunted.

Gripping the back of his neck, you brought Jungkook into a kiss, missing the way his tongue tasted against yours. The kiss didn’t last for long as an unfamiliar feeling formed inside you, causing you to shut your eyes close.

Jungkook hardly noticed, his cock was pounding in you as he chased after the way you cried out his name.

“Jungkook– ah!” You lost footing of your voice, momentarily distracted by a particularly hard thrust.

“Ah, fuck. W-Wait, stop.”

Jungkook froze at your words, licking at his lips as he pulled away from your neck, stilling his hips.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asked, eyes running over you to see if he had somehow hurt you. Your breathing was labored and you were biting down onto your bottom lip, hair fanned out on either side and if Jungkook weren’t so concerned, he would’ve taken a moment to admire just how beautiful you were like this.

“Y-Yes, I’m… I just...” You breathed, hips jerking up into Jungkook’s.

The action didn’t go unnoticed by him, of course, and it wasn’t until he realized just how tightly you were wrapped around his cock that he understood exactly what was wrong.

“Do you need to cum?”

The question alone elicited a whimper from you and within a second, Jungkook’s thumb found your clit.

A high pitch moan left your swollen lips and Jungkook took that as his cue to rock back into you.

“You’re just so wound up, huh? Wanna come all over my cock, is that right?” Jungkook was at your neck now, tasting the salt on your skin as he whispered filth into it.

“Jungkook— fuck!” You moaned, eyes fluttering shut.

“I’m making a mess of little pussy of yours, aren’t I? No wonder you’re so desperate to cum. You need it so bad, don’t you?”

“Y-Yes.” Was your weak reply, your heavy breaths nearly swallowing up your answer entirely.

“You’re okay, ah, I’ve got you, baby. I’ll take care of you. Just relax and think about how nice my cock is stretching you out.” Jungkook grunted, his own orgasm starting to catch up with him.

A broken came tumbling out at the sheer intensity of stimulation, especially as Jungkook grabbed on of your thighs and pushed it up to your chest, allowing for a deeper angle.

“Doin’ so good. So good for me.” He rasped out, so close to cumming.

It was Jungkook’s words of praise that finally sent you over the edge, back arching against the bed as white spots filled your vision. You could only vaguely make out the feeling of Jungkook pulling out of you to release his own climax onto your stomach, pulling up your sweater just in time to save it from the ungodly cum stains.

You flopped back onto the bed with a huff, eyes wide and still shaking from the aftershocks. Jungkook was rubbing at your thighs encouragingly, watching the way you slowly came down from your orgasm.

For a moment neither of you said a word, pants and heavy breathing filling the air instead.

“Holy shit.” You finally broke the silence.

That was what you had been missing out on all these years?! You felt robbed.

“Hey... Just curious but was that your first orgasm like ever?” Jungkook asked innocently. Your reaction was just so earnest and innocent and although he knew your ex never made you cum, he wondered if even by your hand you had never climaxed before.

You met his eyes briefly before turning your head to the side, clearly embarrassed.

“...Yes.”

“Really? So when you touch yourself, you don’t–”

“I already said yes, didn’t I?” You snapped, bottom lip jutting out slightly. Jungkook didn’t care much for your tone, but given the circumstances, he let it slide.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve taken my time– eaten you out until you came or something.”

“I didn’t think it mattered.” You answered vaguely, wishing more than anything for the topic of conversation to shift.

To your surprise, Jungkook’s hand found your jaw, forcing your eyes to meet his.

“Can I kiss you?”

He didn’t know why he felt the sudden urge to but he just knew he wanted to.

His request came as a surprise to, considering the two of you had just done a fair bit more than just kissing. You nodded automatically, humming in content as his mouth found yours for a kiss that was far less rushed than previous ones.

The two of you exchanged the gesture of affection lazily, Jungkook’s fingertips brushing against your waist as your breathing slowed.

“I'm sure you don’t wanna hear this but knowing I’m the only person who has ever made you cum has inflated my ego like you wouldn’t believe.” Jungkook confessed as he broke the kiss, causing you to scoff.

“Right, because I’m the reason your ego is the larger than our fucking solar system.”

Jungkook’s expression fell flat, eyes turning cold as you began to giggle.

“Bite me, nerd.” He glared despite the way the sides of his mouth turned up at the sound of your laughter, moving to kiss you once more.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

“So...” Yara began, hands clasped together in front of her. “How was the party?”

Yara, Jungkook and you were sat at the library, where the three of you had planned to meet after the party to catch up on some work.

What was unexpected, however, as the way the two of you had taken a seat across from Yara with guilty expressions and far more hickeys than she had recalled counting on either of you.

The moment you averted your eyes as she faced you, she knew you were keeping something from her and she already was playing out a couple of scenarios that might have gone down at the party.

“Good.” Jungkook answered uneasily. Yara hummed, locking her eyes onto the squirming boy.

You had known Yara for a long time and had become somewhat immune to her intimidating ways, but Jungkook had only known Yara for a month or so. Hardly enough time to build up immunity.

She suppressed a smirk. Target acquired.

“That’s good.” Yara said, glare unmoving.

If Yara really were the supernatural creature you sometimes insisted she was, she would’ve heard the way Jungkook’s pulse quickened, fists under the table clenching and unclenching as he fought the urge to flee.

Jungkook felt his stomach churn as she quirked up an eyebrow at him, mouth pressed into a straight line.

“Y/N and I had sex—”

“Jungkook!” You turned to him in disbelief.

“Holy shit!”

Jungkook’s face scrunched up in regret, sinking back into his chair as your best friend’s jaw dropped.

“We agreed we weren’t gonna tell her.” You pouted.

“Shit, I know, I’m sorry but did you see the way she was looking at me?!” He cried, a finger coming up to point at the petite girl sitting across the table. “That stare isn’t human.”

“I can’t believe this! You guys did the nasty and weren’t gonna tell me?” Yara gaped.

You flinched, glancing around to see if you were disturbing any neighboring students. “I was gonna tell you… eventually.”

“It’s like she was in my head. Like she could see inside me– all my thoughts, my secrets, my innermost feelings...” Jungkook muttered, hands coming up to press against his temples.

Yara continued on, ignoring the traumatized boy. “I’m hurt, Y/N. Not as a manager, but as your best friend. That is totally not something we would ever keep from each other.”

“I was afraid that when I told you, you were gonna think this changed things!” You urged.

You really had planned on telling Yara, you just didn’t want to do it with Jungkook in the room. Yara already seemed to have this preconceived notion that you were trying to actually date Jungkook and the last thing you needed was that idea confusing him.

“Well, does it?” Yara pressed.

Jungkook’s eyes flickered over to you suddenly, equally as curious as Yara to hear your response.

“...No. No, of course not.” You shook your head.

“Kiri’s definitely pissed.” Jungkook cleared his throat, eager to change the subject. “Y/N put on quite the performance last night.”

The sides of Yara’s mouth curled up wolfishly.

“Oh, I bet she did.” She mused suggestively causing you to blush.

“Not like that, you nympho.”

“Did you guys talk to her?” Yara inquired, ignoring you.

You nodded.

“Is she the worst? Do we hate her?” Yara squinted, leaning in close as she directed your words only at you.

A nervous giggle left you, sparing Jungkook a cautious glance. She was his ex-girlfriend, after all...

“Uh, she’s… I mean, you know, I’m the girl who is dating her ex so...”

“I see.” Yara picked up on your hesitancy to speak ill of Kiri as she sent you a slow nod, immediately understanding what you were trying to say.

Kiri sucked.

Jungkook was sat in his chair, eyebrows slightly furrowed as he watched the girls’ interaction, as if something was being said that he couldn’t quite hear.

“Also... She’s, uh, currently dating Eunwoo.” You told Yara.

Your best friend blinked, silence falling over her.

“Yara?”

“Good for her.” She perked up almost forcibly. “Let her put up with his annoying ass.”

Yara could see the way your expression had turned dubious as if you didn’t believe her nonchalant act.

Yara turned up her nose defensively, “What?”

“No, nothing. I was just expecting more of a reaction is all.” You waved your hands dismissively.

“Pshh, I don’t care where Eunwoo is getting his dick wet.”

“Are you sure–”

“Let’s do some homework, yeah?” Yara cut you off with a tight smile that you didn’t fail to miss.

You watched as your best friend reached for her textbook and threw it open, hardly paying you any further mind. Looking over to Jungkook, you found him already turned your way, his face twisted in mild concern.

It wasn’t something you had ever brought up with Jungkook – or Yara for that matter – but you always had a sneaking suspicion that Yara cared more about Eunwoo than she let on. As much as she insisted that Eunwoo’s feelings had scared her off, a part of you wondered if Yara’s own feelings didn’t have a role in that fear as well.

Offering Jungkook a shrug, you too turned back to your work laid out on the table in front of you.

A few minutes passed through; you were rewriting your notes when you experimentally spared Yara a glance, only to see a deep furrow on her face. Something was clearly bothering her.

“Yara?”

The girl in question slammed her pencil down, opening her mouth immediately, “Not that I give a rat’s ass about Eunwoo – because I don’t – but I can’t believe he’s dating someone already.”

“How long were you guys together?” Jungkook wondered.

“Like three months.” Yara told him through a frown.

Jungkook hummed, “Well, when did you guys break up?”

“A week after school started.”

“Maybe he’s just trying to move on?” He offered, unsure of how to comfort her.

Taking in your best friend’s sour expression, you bit down on your lip.

“Yara, are you... jealous?” You assumed.

Immediately, Yara’s eyes found yours, green eyes growing wide.

“Jealous? Hah! My cold, dead heart doesn’t know jealous. What I know is that Eunwoo is a fucking idiot.” She scoffed. “This is the kid who called me every day for two weeks after we broke up professing his love for me. How is he just suddenly over me and dating someone else? That someone being Jungkook’s bitchy ass ex?”

Yara glanced over to Jungkook as if an afterthought, “No offense, jockstrap.”

“You did not just call me jockstrap.” Jungkook deadpanned.

“Hey now, Kiri’s not a bitch, I never said that.” You defended weakly. Yara flashed you a look. She had known you for too long not to be able to read in between your words.

“You really are such a class act, Y/N. Truly admirable. However, you should know that if she throws even one snarky comment my way, I’m knocking her teeth in.”

“Yara!”

“I’m serious. It’ll be lights out for Miss Kiri.” Yara insisted, intertwining her fingers and stretching them out in front of her. A laugh escaped you against your better judgment.

“In that case, remind me not to let you out of my sight if she comes to Y/N’s event.” Jungkook laughed nervously, unsure of just how serious the small but frightening girl was being.

Yara’s looked over to you with wide eyes.

“So, does that mean...?”

You perked up in your seat. You nearly had forgotten.

“Oh, yeah! It’s happening! I’m throwing my event!” You announced excitedly.

“Holy shit, finally! That’s amazing, Y/N, congrats!”

“Well, it’s not set in stone yet–”

“Nah, Tae’s true to his word. If he says he’ll help, then you can count on him.” Jungkook reassured.

“Who’s Tae?” Yara cocked her head.

“My frat brother and head of Beta Tau Sigma’s finance committee. Y/N pitched her idea to him last night and he agreed to arrange funding for the event.” Jungkook went on to explain. A smile found your face as you recalled the interaction.

"This Tae guy sounds bitchin’.” Yara approved with a nod.

“Yeah, he really is like a brother to me.” Jungkook smiled.

Suddenly, you wondered if Taehyung was who Jungkook went to for advice. Was Taehyung his Yara? You really never gave much thought on who Jungkook’s friends were but, strangely enough, the idea of meeting them intrigued you. Especially if they were all as lovely as Tae.

You watched in silence as Jungkook and Yara continued on with their conversation, a warm feeling falling over you at the sight of them getting along and enjoying each other’s company. Even if Jungkook was just your fake boyfriend, the thought that he and your best friend and could be friends made you happy. Maybe foolishly so but happy nonetheless. Selfishly, you began to wonder if there was any way the two of you could stay like this after he got back with Kiri.

“I dunno, jockstrap. I just think The Shining is boring.” Yara shrugged.

The subject had somehow shifted in the time you had been spacing out, falling victim to your thoughts. Horror movies now seemed to be the topic of interest.

Jungkook shook his head defiantly.

“Okay, firstly, psychological horror is meant to be slow-paced and secondly, call me jockstrap one more time and I’ll rip up your John Cusack posters and force-feed you the scraps.”

Yara let out a cold laugh, crossing her arms over her chest, “Bold of you to assume I don’t already want John Cusack down my throat.”

A laugh came tumbling out of you, taking in Jungkook’s horrified expression, not expecting such a vulgar response.

Yeah. Maybe having Jungkook around permanently wouldn’t be so bad.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

You had made it very clear to Jungkook that the two of you having sex was a one-time thing; your copulation had been a momentary lapse of judgment fueled by the way alcohol made you both irrationally horny.

So the second Jungkook’s fingers found the skin on your thigh, you couldn’t help but stiffen.

“Meathead.” Was your warning.

“What? Your skin is soft.” He muttered, not taking his eyes off his book. “I’m not doing anything wrong…”

Your teeth found the plush of your lip as you fought the urge to press your thighs together.

You and Jungkook were sat upon your bed days after the Halloween party. Inviting him over to study had been your idea, trying to make a point to Yara that the two of you could go back to normal after sleeping with one another.

For the most part, things had been normal. Sure, maybe you could argue that Jungkook stared at you a little more than you were used to but it wasn’t anything you couldn’t just pin on the fact that that boy often spaced out. Your face just happened to be where he liked to focus on it seemed.

So when while studying his palm found the top of your thigh, you paused your reading, glancing over at the boy cautiously only to discover him, seemingly, emerged in the book of his own.

It wasn’t until his fingers suddenly began trailing up and down your thigh, rubbing circles into the supple flesh that you realized the gesture wasn’t near as innocent as you initially assumed.

“Right?” Jungkook cooed, attention suddenly on you as he trailed his fingers further down your thigh than you should have allowed.

Your ears felt hot.

As much as you wanted to push his hand away and stop his ministrations here, another part of you was replaying the way the same handheld and touched you the night of the party in your head.

You met Jungkook’s eyes; he wasn’t even bothering to suppress his smirk that cocky bastard.

A small sigh found you as his fingers discovered your inner thigh, dangerously close to where your panties were dampening underneath your pajama shorts.

“You didn’t answer me.”

“N-No, nothing wrong.” You stuttered quietly, opposite leg rising up to bend at the knee to allow Jungkook’s hand a point of entry.

God, this was way more embarrassing when you were sober. You weren’t some lust-driven sex hungry animal, you could easily resist his advances if you wanted to. But you didn’t want to. You had gone two years without having sex and you’d be lying if you didn’t think back to that night you shared with Jungkook often.

Your thoughts were interrupted, breath hitching as you felt Jungkook’s slender fingers slipping underneath your shorts.

“You’re a strange girl, Y/N. You like to pretend like I’m just apart of the contract yet here you are. Letting me touch you like this.” Jungkook hummed, fingers trailing up and down between your thighs, lightly running against your clothed core.

You let out a whimper, handing coming around to wrap itself around Jungkook’s wrist, urging him to apply more pressure.

“Impatient, aren’t we?” He mocked. You opened your mouth to reply when he found your panty clad clit, effectively silencing you.

“W-Wait, Yara’s in her room.” You hiccuped, hips jerking forward as his thumb singled out your clit, rubbing against it.

“Oh, how rude of us. Should we go knock and ask if she wants to join?” Jungkook teased, eliciting a scoff from you.

“God, you’re so–”

Your mouth shut itself closed, biting back the moan that threatened to make its way out as Jungook sank his fingers into you.

“Fuck.” Jungkook muttered, preening in the way you felt. So wet. So tight. And all for him.

His eyes moved from the sight of his hand fucking itself into you to your profile. Your eyebrows were furrowed, face scrunching up whenever he curled his fingers up into you a certain way. He could see the way the muscles in your jaw clenched and unclenched, clearly holding back some of your more lewd sounds in fear that your roommate might hear.

He’d have to do this again whenever Yara wasn’t home. He’d love to hear the way you’d whimper his name.

“That feel good?”

Jungkook was beside himself, he knew he should be keeping it down but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to hear you– the way your voice would shake and stutter deliciously.

“So good.” You whined lowly, head turning to meet his eyes.

Jungkook was definitely too good at this. He had two fingers rocking into you skillfully, slowing down only to turn his attention back onto your throbbing clit. Your shorts and underwear felt damp, slick with your arousal and you knew you’d have to change the sheets underneath you.

“Can I, ah... can I touch you?” You asked through several uneven breaths. You felt the sudden need to touch him– to make him feel as good as he was making you feel. “Please.”

“So needy for my cock, huh? Even when I’m not about to fuck you, too.” He licked his lips, hand coming over his crotch to palm at it.

“Yeah. Yeah, go ahead, baby.”

Jungkook let himself relax back against the way, cock twitching in anticipation as you clumsily reached out to take his already hard cock from his pants.

And so that’s how the two of you found yourselves, hands down each other’s pants, voices hushed as you pleasured each other in secret like a pair of desperate teenagers.

Even as you both began to shake with stimulation, your hands didn’t stop, both of you set on getting each other off.

Jungkook felt so hot and heavy in your hand; you didn’t get the chance to fully take in his fucked out expressions last time but now that you were watching the way his jaw went slack and low, drawn-out groans fell from him, you couldn’t help but think he looked so attractive this way, hips rocking up to meet his fingers as you let yourself get off to the thought that you were making him feel this good.

Jungkook was in absolute bliss.

Your chest was rising and falling lightly, your bottom lip held hostage between your teeth innocently as your hand pumped his fat cock. He knew you were trying your hardest to stay quiet but the way your eyes were watery and small mews escaped you sporadically spurred him on, letting himself be noisier than you probably would have liked.

“You’re taking my fingers so well, baby. Making such a mess of your sheets. Fucking messy girl.” Jungkook cooed between shaky breaths of his own, obviously just as close to climax as you were.

Suddenly, a cry fell from your lips and the hand Jungkook had placed around yours to help in pumping his increasingly hot shaft quickly relocated itself to cover your mouth, catching the rest of your lewd noises as you finally came around his fingers.

“Atta girl. You did so well.” Jungkook praised, your eyes wet as you rode out the last few waves of your orgasm.

You were shaking; this orgasm had hit you hard and you didn’t know if you would ever get used to this feeling. You hoped not.

Jungkook pressed a kiss against your cheek affectionately and before you could give yourself a minute to even out your breathing, you pulled away from him, repositioning yourself between his knees.

You placed a tentative lick against the glistening tip of his cock, eyes locked on his as he continued to jerk himself off. He grunted, moving his prick closer towards your face as you let the flat of your tongue run up the length of him.

“Wanna taste you. Cum on my tongue, yeah?” You purred as you pulled your lips off his tip, a small pop sounding out.

Jungkook nearly choked, swallowing the sob of a response he nearly gave you. You were so fucking beyond hot like this. He hadn’t heard you speak so outwardly filthy before and all he could think about was how your words would sound if you were choking around his cock.

“Fuck, fuck, open your mouth.”

You obliged greedily as he tightened his grip around himself, his abdomen tightened and hand stilled, a hot white strip of cum landing on your tongue. Like the good girl Jungkook groaned out you were, you stayed open-mouthed in front of him obediently until he was finished.

Jungkook let out a shaky breath, tucking himself back into his pants as you moved back to take your place beside him, wiping at your mouth.

“Well. That was fun.” You grinned shyly, suddenly giddy.

“Mm.” Jungkook agreed, thumb coming up to wipe away your cheek, where some of his cum had found itself. Your mouth opened on its own accord, tongue sticking out for Jungkook to clean his thumb with. You didn’t particularly care for the taste but you enjoyed the way his eyes turned a shade darker as he watched you swallow his cum.

"I don’t think the contract mentioned orgasms.” Jungkook smirked as you released his thumb.

“I say we let it slide.” You shrugged, leaning into him casually.

“You think?”

“Totally. Think of it as... a bonding activity.” You joked, resting your chin on his shoulder, peering up through your lashes.

“Damn, we’re really committed to this fake dating thing, huh.”

You laughed in the way that you hated, but Jungkook loved; it was loud and abrupt, but it genuine, and it was you.

“What can I say, I’m a method actor.” You sighed dramatically, causing Jungkook to grin before pressing a kiss to your nose, simply because he liked the way it always seemed to make you smile.