#btw I made some changes to the world stars one so you may notice that it's a little different

[keiksy-cake]

hey! I’m the same person who asked on YouTube, but do you think you can reupload your sub vs dub videos? Even if you just post them here on tumblr or send a Google drive link or whatever, I’d love to be able to see them again!

YES, I actually keep thinking about it and keep forgetting! 😭

Thank you for reminding, I have finally uploaded them to this google photos album: https://photos.app.goo.gl/LV4R8rXXfotAjVk59

I also hope to upload them on tiktok, probably in parts if tikok will let me (for context to others, I made Hetalia sub vs dub compilations on youtube but recently this person noted that they were all blocked!! All of them!!😭)

[still-a-morosexual-help]

Part 2 of this (diavolo & lucifer being very gay in canon) because I ran out of space in the first one

1. The entire Devildom thinks Diavolo & Lucifer are dating/in love;

2. It just sounds cute okay

3. Diavolo apparently notices when Lucifer's pupil dilates by 2mm 😐

4. Diavolo probably has a 500pg book about how great Lucifer is

5. Remember how much Diavolo gushed about Lucifer's butler uniform, took a lot of pictures of it etc? Apparently he saved that uniform or had a new one made, then took the first chance he saw

6. Cottagecore?

7. Diavolo finds Lucifer sneezing cute😬

8. Diavolo prioritises Lucifer over everything, even his own kingdom & the way Simeon keeps poking at it & Diavolo keep avoiding directly answering him + Simeon later teases Lucifer about Diavolo liking him in S3👀

9. The snow sculpture which looked incredibly realistic and had absolutely nothing to do with Christmas

Can't have more screenshots so here's some important conversation word for word:

10. Diavolo, after meeting Lucifer for the first time, Lucifer tries his best to act like an ass to make Diavolo hate him but Diavolo still treats him kindly. Lucifer despises Diavolo at the moment because he's a Demon who according to Lucifer & the Celestial Realm can't even have a "well-ordered society". Diavolo somehow in a single night manages to form a crack in Lucifer's prejudices & make him doubt his Father who he holds in very high esteem. Diavolo also uses chess to prove his point about creating peace and a balance between the three worlds. This is the conversation that follows:

Lucifer (an angel): I see. ...Diavolo. Your strategy truly is fascinating. Do you think we could get together sometime? I'd like to learn more about it.

Diavolo: Are you talking about chess now? Or the nature of our relationship?

Lucifer: Heh...

^The ambiguity Lucifer uses when talking gives that old queer feeling of: Our relationship (whatever it may be) is very forbidden and anyone catching wind of it will be bad so for plausible deniability I'm going to tie the true meaning of this conversation to something more innocuous

11. Conversation they have after this^ flashback/particular conversation:

Diavolo: ...That's when you finally held out your hand to me, and we shook. The way you radiated charm as you smiled at me. I still remember it like it was yesterday. When I saw the look on your face I was convinced. You were fair and righteous, someone who would be able to lend an ear to anyone, to listen to what they had to say. Someone who had a truly beautiful spirit.

In other words Diavolo has the worst case of rose-tinted glasses, specially considering Lucifer was choking Mammon & trying to rip his arm of while Diavolo said all this.

12. Diavolo (in demon form): Back when he was an angel, he was so divine, so awe-inspiring that it was intimidating. But now he's attractive in a different sort of way. He draws your eye toward him and then doesn't let go. He truly is worthy of the moniker "Morning Star"! Even steeped in the darkness of the Devildom, he shines just as brilliantly as ever!

Lucifer (in demon form), blushing: ...Diavolo, could we change the subject, please?

Lucifer (in demon form): I've told you that it embarrasses me when you shower me with such excessive praise in public.

Diavolo (in demon form): Afterall you're already beautiful enough as it is!

a.) This is Gomez Addams level of devoted jfc

b ) Diavolo was straight up reciting poetry at one point

c.)......What's with "in public"....so it's fine in private?

d.) Diavolo gushing about Lucifer has the same energy as Mammon gushing about MC

e.) What do I have to do for someone to be this in to me?

13. Diavolo has multiple copies of Lucifer in a swimsuit saved in different places (not the swimsuit he wears around MC & his brothers btw but the one he wears around Diavolo which is actually just trunks and & an open hoodie/shirt)

14. Diavolo might actually have a whole file of rare pictures of Lucifer? He's got the butler ones, the swimsuit ones and the candid glasses one that he threatened some poor guy to delete after saving a copy for himself

15. The ship in a bottle that Diavolo gave Lucifer, that he loves so much he keeps it in a place where he can always see it

16. Lucifer: No, that scream was far too vile to have come from Diavolo.

....so you know what he sounds like when he screams and you think it sounds good...?🤨

17. Diavolo gives a flustered Lucifer a piggyback ride around RAD

[authoralexharvey]

💙: how has the idea changed between starting it and where it is now?

and

💜: where are you in the writing process?

Idk why I didn't get notice for this my bad anywho I answered these two for ASMLP and ABTB--see that here. But also this gives me a moment and chance to talk about TWEfA!! Answering from this list btw.

💙: how has the idea changed between starting it and where it is now?

This is the big one.

Those Who Emerge from Ashes first started as a VERY different book called Clinker Girl, a bad steampunk novel with elemental magic. Katalin didn't exist. Maka was a part of a race of... star people? Dakota was a master at wind magic but absolutely shit at fire magic (at least that part is still true). There was also a secondary plot with a girl named Vanille (yes, I took her name from Final Fantasy 13 leave me alone) who was the leader of Clink, a guild who did... something?? And it was Dakota's ultimate dream to join their guild, to the point she joins a tournament to get their attention. Yes, like the tournament arcs in animes. Leave me alone.

ANYWAY when this plot wasn't working I shelved the project for a while. I then wrote TOOD, a politio-comedic fantasy and the first novel in this new world I had made. I liked the world enough and wanted to expand on some concepts I had, so I gutted Clinker Girl and repurposed a lot of things from it, including Dakota and Maka. See, another fun thing about CG was that Maka was still intended to be a goddess, and hers and Dakota's romance would be tragic cause they can't be together and blah blah blah. Turns out her being a goddess still worked in this new project, so I kept it.

For the first iterations of TWEfA, the basic storyline is that Dakota is hired by the Scholars of the Lost to be the next Scribe as their last one has died. However, the circumstances of getting her there weren't quite working out. Especially when they had an even better contender already living at the Cathedral (Katalin)

I then had to look at the POVs. For all of this, Dakota was the main voice, which just wasn't fucking working. So then I ended up writing chapters from Maka's pov. By this point, Katalin was a darling character to me, so she got her own POV as well. Which worked... better, but there was still some issues. The circumstances of Dakota's plot still weren't working, so I changed it. She was no longer hired by the Scholars, she was a runaway seeking escape from her abusive handler. A lot of her base backstory still remained true, though.

As it stands, Dakota is a runaway who finds herself in Geis as Maka is making her own escape from the Scholars of the Lost. They meet up, seek out Luriel, etc. And Katalin is sent after them etc.

I like the way the plot is looking for now, I just haven't been writing it lmao

💜: where are you in the writing process?

I am forever drafting this one and ngl may end up shelving it at some point. I think I'm content to accept this is a book that lives in my skull and nowhere else... but not quite yet. I'm still trying to draft this one lol so maybe it'll become a finished novel some day. I really have no way of knowing.

Thanks for the ask and sorry I answered so late!

[twistedmusings]

Congrats on 600+ followers! May I request fluff no. 18 with Azul with a g/n reader who works on campus catching him off guard because they're naturally suave? Love your works btw >w>

A/N: Ah thank you for the compliment! And the writer is going to be perfectly honest...I kinda went rouge with this prompt request. I didn’t expect to be so into it but I’m an Azul simp so maybe its just in my blood q wq. 

Warnings: None! Unless you count Azul embarassing himself as one. 

Azul Ashengrotto 

Azul hated everything about this.

It was just a simple question. Were you free tonight? Azul had planned out a perfect excuse to get you to drop by the Monstro Lounge as well as a brand new appetizer set that he had put on the menu that would hopefully keep you in the Monstro Lounge and in the company of Azul.

And then maybe, just maybe, Azul could believe that he had a date with you. 

The plan was flawless in his eyes

He knew you weren't doing anything tonight, had planned each appetizer based on what you usually ordered when you went over and  handpicked an array of conversational topics which were all ordered based on how interesting you would find them. 

All he had to do now was just...set it into motion. Which is good! No plan this good should be kept in the dark. 

So why did he hate every single aspect of this? 

Ever since your little 'hardworking' comment back in the Atlantica museum, Azul started drafting what ended up being a five page outline on how to get you to be his friend. After spending more time with you he extended the outline to ten pages in order to include how he would get you to visit Atlantica and his parent's restaurant. Followed that came several more hangouts as well as you offering to work for Monstro Lounge for some extra madol and Azul didn't necessarily know how a five page outline turned into a fifteen page outline complete with color coordination on events he deemed important in your relationship as well as future events he had already planned out that would get your feelings for him to change into something with a more...romantic overture. 

"Oh. Hey Azul!" 

This was it. No turning back. Every single muscle in his body was tensed despite how relaxed and poised he looked on the outside

"[Y/N]-san. Lovely seeing you here." 

"Feeling is mutual." you smile, "Need help finding a book?" 

First hurdle. Reply with a flirtatious comment or state his intentions clearly. 

"No,I am just here...to check out books..." 

Oh Great Witch, he wouldn't be able to pull this off would he? 

Azul needed to call the whole thing off, needed to go back and draft any other scenario that didn't start with him stating the blatantly obvious--! 

"Oh well good! Do you need my help?" 

Or maybe not? An excuse to stick by your side had presented itself and Azul would be damned  if he didn't take it. 

"I need a book on human's thoughts on Atlantica before the start of the 21st century. I thought it would be an interesting read for both me and Jade." 

Azul can't help the softness he feels in his heart as he watches you think to yourself before placing a finger on your lips. 

“Twisted Wonderland history...that should be over in the next couple of shelves. Wanna follow me?” 

Yes. YES! 

“If that would be alright with you.” 

Sky blue eyes take in your form, letting his mind wander as you talked about...well he wasn’t necessarily listening. With you being this distracted Azul could take all the time he wanted staring at way your lips moved and how your eyes looked when staring at him--

“Azul? Did you hear what I said?” 

He blinks when your words reach his ears, blushing when realizing that he had been staring so much he truly had no idea what you were talking about. No need to panic or get carried away, however, this was perfectly normal in conversations. 

“I apologize. I have been a little out of it.” 

You stop walking beside him, halting Azul’s step as you looked at him. 

“Are you alright?” 

Damn you. That was the sort of thing that Azul loved and hated about you. You were in a world that wasn’t your own and were almost pushed to take up odd jobs here and there to make ends meet and you were asking about his well-being? Friendship or possible romantic relationship be damned, Azul just wanted you by his side constantly. 

If he could rope you into a contract that would assure that it would be so much easier than having to plan out an entire situation to get what he wants, but you at least were worth the trouble. 

“More than alright. Even I tend to get distracted.” 

Your cheery smile comes back as you both keep walking, you speaking up after a few seconds. 

“I asked what had brought you here.” 

You. 

“Just the book I suppose...and the company that came along with it.” 

First flirtatious comment made and the small look of surprise was his prize. Catching you off guard was one of the goals he had set for himself in this conversation so he could promptly check that off. 

“And you?” he adjusted his glasses before smiling his practiced charming smile, “Do you come here often?” 

“Well considering I work here...yes.” 

Azul can almost hear a pin drop when you say that, his eyes somehow abandoning his tunnel vision and realizing what you looked like. 

A small name badge on your uniform, a lanyard with several keys that he guessed would help you open several library doors and a trolley (how did he miss a trolley!?) full of books that you were currently pushing. 

“Right...of course...I knew that…” 

A small chip cracks off from his pride, the whole thing coming tumbling down as you laugh. How did he miss such a BIG detail? 

“Did you really not notice? I was even putting books away!” 

All he can do is open and close his mouth like a fish out of water, face turning an embarrassing shade of red as he tries to excuse himself from your presence. He just wanted to hide in a pot and never come out! The moment he got to the dorm he would tear that outline in half because what was the point if he missed something so little! Why would you even want to be friends with someone like him when he didn’t even know the more basic things about you! 

Stars, he just wanted to die. 

You wipe a tear from your eye before putting a hand on a shelf, “Oh my goodness...that was really funny. You should find the book you want here, ‘zul.” 

“...thank you…” 

Azul sighs and goes to look for whatever title he had told you he wanted but stops when a hand tugs on his wrist. 

“Well don’t leave me alone just yet. I have a question for you.” 

You pull out your phone, “I get off at six today. Do you mind if I drop by the Monstro Lounge to hang out?” 

His heart does a little flip as his entire posture straightens out. 

“I--” 

“Yeah I know you guys close at five and don’t open until eight for weekends but I thought we could just hang out in your office. We clearly need to catch up if you didn’t know I work here now.” 

You move closer, the little flips in Azul’s heart turning into major acrobatic leaps as you smile at him. 

“Sounds like a date?” 

Azul doesn’t necessarily remember what happened after that, all he remembers is nodding far too quickly that his glasses almost flew off and then tripping on air when you finished helping him check his book out. 

[whosjunglejim4322]

Warnings: werewolf!au if u couldn’t tell, size kink, fingering, hints towards switch xuxi, big wolf boy in luv, reader is on the pill theoretically, mentions of yukhei being insecure, yall in love btw it’s sappy, he cums inside you

Werewolf Yukhei never thought that a person, a human of all creatures, could make him feel so delicate. Your hands are indescribably soft as they cup his warm face, your mouth concise and rythmic with each brush of your lips against his.

It's shockingly easy to be this way with you, the two of you lying together on his couch like a pair of tangled roots, his head just slightly lower than yours as he wraps his strong arms around you further.

He's always been too big, in height and stature. His lumbering limbs have always carried him with a sort of saunter, and though his face may be pretty, once people found out he was part wolf their adoration always fizzled into condemnation.

But you, you.

As someone who had coexisted with shapeshifters nearly all of your life, with close family friends ranging from Werewolves- like him - to Vampires, and even some Fae, he shouldn't have been surprised when you treated him as though he was no different than anyone else you'd ever interacted with.

He still remembers the first time he kissed you, in his car after the sun had already decided to rest and give the stars a chance to say hello to the onyx sky. He had wanted to do it all night, the need becoming an overwhelming knot in the pit of his abdomen.

He and his wolf alike were struck with the immediate sensation of buzzing all throughout his veins, and when he pulled away, he could see the reflection of his topaz orbs in your eyes, glowing.

He almost immediately covered his face, head in hands as he began to furiously rub at his sockets, willing the fire to go out behind his irises. He had almost seemed angry at himself, borderline disgusted and then your hands were gripping his wrists with a softness he had never experienced- you said his name as if it were something to be admired.

Something in him had felt defenseless, like he couldn't bear to pull away from you and see the sad pout that would surely form on your pretty lips.

"It's okay, hey," you brought one hand to his sullen face, soft fingers tilting his his chin towards you. "Open your eyes, it's okay Xuxi."

And he believed you, wholeheartedly. He didn't know why but he didn't care to argue, not when you used such a fond nickname without even a second thought, not when he felt so safe to be himself with you.

So he opened his eyes, not having to see them to know they were still illuminated in the darkness of his car. And your expression, fuck, it made his chest ache.

You inclined yourself towards him as if your body had no other choice, like it was second nature to want to be close to him, to be so enraptured. Your thumbs ever so gently had swept the area underneath his eyes, moving to the highpoints of his cheeks as you sat in awe.

"They're so...they're so pretty, like fireflies in the summer. They remind me of home."

He doesn't think he'll ever forget that. The safety he feels in your arms, like right now, it makes it easy for him to pretend like the world doesn't see him as this illusive predator shifter. Like he's just Yukhei.

You kiss him like he's the only person you've ever wanted, which isn't far from the truth considering the way he never ceases to take your breath away. There is a reverence between you two, and you find yourself kissing him with a bit more fervour as you relish in the fact that you get to hold him so close.

He picks up on the slight change in pace as quickly and as naturally as expected, one of his long legs lifting before he drapes it over your waist. He just needs you closer.

His plush mouth falters for a second, as he pulls away just enough to look up into your half lidded eyes. "Too heavy?" He asks, the rough timber of his voice sending more jolts of heat than necessary, through your abdomen.

"N-no." You hope he can sense that your shakiness is due to the flurry of emotions coursing through you, and not because of uncertainty. The corner of his mouth twitches upwards in amusement and fondess, silently answering your question.

Your lips find each other again as your hand grips the meat of his thigh, absentmindedly rubbing the area and reveling in the way his muscles twitch underneath the fabric of his basketball shorts. 

This small action has him accidentally groaning into your mouth, long fingers finding the softness of your hips as he pulls you as close as the space will allow.

You don't miss the feel of his stiff erection against your belly, or the way his wet tongue has become more curious as to how your mouth tastes. When your hands wander further up the expanse his lithe body and discover a searing hot patch of skin that has been exposed due to his shirt lifting, your fingers are quick to explore further.

It's not like you did it on purpose, ever so slightly raking the blunt of your nails up his side before exploring the firm, lean surface of his abdomen- it's just as much of a natural urge as it is for him to be rutting against you, like he is now.

You're sure you heard a growl rumble in his throat, and you're elated to see that he's just as worked up as you are- enough to not even notice and have time to scold himself.

For a second, your eyes meet, noses still touching and kiss bitten lips only a few inches apart as you catch your breath.

This time, a ruby set of irises stare back at you, and you know enough about his kind to recognize that this is either due to hunger, lust, or anger. And since you're almost certain he's not angry, and also know that werewolves rarely ever get hungry for prey while they're in human form, the last option is as clear as the obvious lust that is decorating his bronze features.

And so you kiss him again, hard.

He isn't as controlled as he was before, not scared to give in to his hormones or the desires that have him struggling to remain fully here. He's just so captivated by you, the sweet yet ambrosial scent that clings to your skin, the way your body perfectly curls against his.

He can smell your intoxicating arousal as it leaks into your panties, cock jerking in his shorts as you both explore eachothers skin underneath your clothing. He feels the thunderous beat of your heart against his own broad chest, along with the hardening bud of your nipples through your shirt.

"I want you...want you to be mine." He's breathless, which is hard to believe given his supernatural state, but he can't seem to speak in complete sentences. The energy between you two feels as if it's about to burst and ignite a flame. You feel it all over your body.

His raven hair is mussed by this point, skin hotter than a furnace damn near, eyes glossy. Something in you knows that he's not just talking about sex, the way he's looking at you.

His dick is pulsing against you, massive, inviting hands wandering your body as yours are his - but he speaks like he can't bear to let you go.

You quickly wrap your hands around the nape of his neck, soft hair tickling your fingertips as you bring him back in for another passionate kiss, his body shifting as he finds himself crawling on top of you.

The position switch makes it even harder for him, you're so soft, so beautiful as you gaze up at him and paw at his broad shoulders.

Your thighs are open and wrapped around his trim middle, the feeling of his dick against your center all the more tantalizing this way. It doesn't help when he does that thing where he ever so slightly- but purposefully- grinds his hips into yours as if he knows exactly where you need it. You almost forget you're both still clothed.

"You can have me, you know...I want you too." And it's the truth, you've never felt like this, he's so rare, so beautifully unaware and you want him in every way there is to want someone.

His eyes are back to his natural deep shade of chocolate brown, earnest in their surprise and incredulity.

"You really mean it?" You almost laugh in disbelief, wondering how someone like him can be so oblivious to your wide eyes of astonishment everytime you so much as glance at him.

But you know it's not because of his appearance, no, he's aware of how people look at him, how they naturally seem to gawk and wonder how a person can be unnaturally exquisite.

Still, you remind him. "Yes, of course you silly, silly boy."

And you're breathless again, his deft fingers moving down between your bodies to slip underneath the waistband of your leggings, swiftly pulling them off in an inhumanly fast motion.

Your compliance is immediate, a whine slipping past your lips as cool air breezes against your center, your hands clawing at his loose tee shirt in a haphazard attempt to remove it.

He reluctantly pulls his mouth away from yours to sit back on his haunches, lifting his lithe arms behind his back to pull the garment off of his body.

You're not prepared for the way your belly swirls with a new, overwhelming sense of lust at the sight of him so bare. He's warm, and firm yet smooth and inviting- you almost don't register the fact that he's too distracted to notice your reaction.

Not until you feel the warm pad of his thumb rub your swollen clit, both of you realizing, together, that you decided to forgo underwear.

He's got his free hand grasping the inside of your left thigh, holding it open as he practically salivates at the sight of you.

It's too much, for the both of you. There's so many sensations sending your nerves haywire, every inch of your skin tingling with warmth and desire. He can't believe you're so pretty, and his, and the awestruck, hungry expression that's on his face is what prompts you to reach out and grasp his sturdy hips.

"Please fuck me, Yukhei," he's pulled out from a trance into a new one, his eyes catching sight of the agonizing need inside of yours. "want you really bad."

It's unfair, the way he slips two of his long, delicate fingers inside of your aching heat as he leans down to kiss you like a man starved.

You moan properly, and loudly this time, the compelling sound sending him into overdrive as you find yourself suddenly being fucked by his fingers at a near bruising pace.

Even so, he knows what he's doing, and you have to grip onto his daunting shoulders for dear life while he curls the dexterous digits inside of you, touching your cervix and nudging your sweet spot.

He revels in it, the way you look like you're falling apart. His skin blazes to a new temperature and you're leaking onto him like a sweet dessert, soaking his palms. He can't help but to groan.

"Gotta get you ready if you're gonna take my dick."

The words alone leave you clutching after his thick forearm as he pumps into you, slowing his minisrations out of fear that his words might send you over the edge. He doesn't even mean to sound so filthy, at first. Until he realizes how quickly it almost made you lose it.

"Please, please give it to me now."

He sees how badly you need it, can feel it in the form of slick between his knuckles, and if he's honest he's not sure how he's lasted this long either- so he bashfully slips his fingers out of you and pulls his shorts past his knees, not patient enough to get them all the way down.

You see now why he needed to insert his fingers first. He's big. Long, a girth that would be painful if it were any more than what it is. But nonetheless, it's pretty, like the rest of him. The tip is the same, deep muave of his lips, and you reach out for it, needing to touch him as intimately as he has touched you.

He shudders, entire body twitching in pleasure as you wrap your hand around him. Your hand is so much softer than his, and he whines, a sound that has you clenching around nothing. His expression is one that you wish you could photograph just to relive the memory over and over on days when you two aren't together.

"Want me to fuck you now, baby?" You nod fervently, cheeks blazing at the nickname and the softness in which he speaks it. His eyes seem to light up as he leans down to kiss you, allowing himself to absorb every detail of the moment, not wanting to miss even a second.

As soon as his tip passes your entrance, you both know you're fucked. It feels too good, too fast, the stretch is intense but seems to add to the stimulation since your wetness makes the insert easy.

When he bottoms out, he forces himself to stay still for a moment as he holds himself up by his forearms, his face shoved in the crook of your shoulder, lips on your throat.

You feel him pulsing inside of you, and you purposely squeeze your walls around his thick length, whimpering in his ear.

"Please, please move Xuxi."

He doesn't make you wait another minute, sliding himself almost all the way out before pistoning himself back in, jolting you in the process.

He starts his pace, and you're not sure how long you're going to last with the way he's moving, like his hips are speaking to you in some other language all together. He's magnetic, curling his pelvis upwards each time he thrusts back into your sopping entrance.

"Fuuuuck, I'm all the way up there baby." He groans in astonishment, though it's like everytime he speaks your body reacts automatically.

You wrap your arms around his familiar shoulders and hike your thighs up further, prompting him to slip his hands underneath your knees and hold you like this, the position allowing him to fuck you with a new depth.

He refuses to move his mouth away from you still, his messy hair tickling your forehead as your mouths move with fervour.

The sounds in the room are lewd, the collision of your hips and his thick cock slipping in and out of your entrance, along with the smacking of your lips. It's hard to believe that it's all really happening.

"You feel-oh fuck you feel s-so good."

He falters only for a moment as he pants, losing focus as the sound of your voice sends chillbumps to rise across his skin. He hates that he's so close, trying his best to hold on, but you wrap around him so perfectly. He swears you are made for him.

"Gonna cum soon, I can't hold it." His voice trembles this time, and you cling onto him just as desperately as he clings to you, legs locked around his hips. His cock throbs with the need to release, and the sound of your voice as you whimper doesn't help.

"You're so big, Xuxi." The words tumble freely from your mouth, your tongue not able to be held as you look down in between your bodies to see him dissapearing inside of you.

It's like nothing he's ever felt, its all consuming, and even the wolf inside of him is wondering where in the hell you came from, to swoop him up and dazzle him like you did. He's never felt this type of pleasure before, it romances every nerve in his body, turns him into jelly.

It's when he thrusts at a particular angle and your face contorts into an image of pure bliss, tears of ectasy brimming in your glossy eyes, that he feels the coil in his belly finally unravel.

He stills as his lips part, the tip of his dick nudged against your cervix as he fills you to the brim, twitching as he lets out soft, sporatic moans through each sloppy thrust.

"F-fuck- mmm- oh fuck."

His seed is more abundant than the average human male, spilling from you generously and soaking your thighs. The feeling of being so stuffed along with the realization that he's whole and in your arms and you're both connected like this- it has you spiraling down after him.

You feel a warm tear fall down your cheek, the pleasure taking your breath- and your words- away for what seems like the hundredth time in just a short hour. It courses through your entire body and has your hips bucking slightly, skin sensitive to the touch.

He holds you through it, allows you to rock yourself against his half hard cock as you ride your high, his lips suckling any expanse of skin they can find.

He doesn't dare pull out yet, he's too content like this, and you haven't complained about his weight atop of you yet, so he selfishly allows himself to lie his head against your shoulder - button nose nudging your jaw- as your fingers run through his hair.

His arms wrap around your body like a cocoon, and you've never been so comfortable with somebody like this, the contact making you drunk.

"I always knew, you know." His voice is low and sleepy, his lilt genuine. Your breathing begins to syncronize, your fingertips tracing halfhearted patterns against his warm, soft back.

"What's that, hmm?" You reply, curious and with heavy eyes, heart nearly bursting with the adoration you feel fluttering in the pit of your belly.

He kisses your skin once more, gently, almost featherlight.

"That you'd be the one I fall in love with."

[xsarcasticwriterx]

Au Volant-part 1

Summary: You were free, you had control until bucky and Steve showed up at your door.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: Angst, swearing, minor tfawts ep 2 spoilers.

Notes: This is a series btw and I'm not sure how long it'll be (not like I do for any of my series) and yea that's all just know it will be pretty....dark pfft. Also, this does NOT fit in the marvel timeline even if references are made to such.

Steve knew when he was out-matched, hell even before the serum he knew when he'd lose he just didn't know when to stop. Bucky did though and nothing about that had changed in 100 years. Not even now when steves ass was being handed to him. after getting bucky back steve and bucky had gone off on their own mission to find other super-soldiers who may still be alive. of course they expected this to be easier than it was.

Of course, bucky could've just brought steve to Isaiah Bradley but he still knew steve would be pissed after finding out what had been done to him and he just wanted to leave Isaiah to his own thing still.

Then there was you. Bucky met you back when he was first becoming the winter soldier. you were their first test into becoming one of them. of course, your trigger words hadn't been finished before you killed those who were working on you and escaping. it s why they advanced buckys mechanism. You'd had tried to free him but they were already in the works of triggering buckys words.

Bucky knew you were free but only by self-discipline and no one knowing the words aside from hydra who, by this point, you'd spent the last century running from. He wanted you to stay out even if he knew where you were at.

That was until now, they needed another super soldier to win. Sure he could call Isaiah but as far as triggers go you were more likely to not only survive this but even join it. So with that process bucky grabbed steve ignoring his words and ran to your house.

you were 95 years old, despite how you looked. you had managed to escape hydra. Ever since hydra fell you ere truly free for the first time in a long time. you had enrolled in college majoring in history, ironic yes but you figured with your overextended life maybe you could use it and become a history professor.

This was your plan until there was a knock at your door. you figured it was the pizza you had ordered until you opened it seeing a bloody avenger and the weapon that hydra used over and over again to kill people. So with that you slammed the door, locked it, and walked back to your living room. "y/n come on" you heard bucky say. "nope" you yelled back.

"I thought you said shed be willing to help?" you heard steve groan. "I never said willing I said she could help" bucky replied. steve sighed "look y/n I know-" steve started to say "you don't know shit about shit star-spangled man with a plan," you said back.

"I spent the last 70 years running from this man ok. Now I know he is back to Sargent Barnes or whatever crap he was before but guesses what it does mean I am willing to just jump back in the man who was on my ass trying to kill me just yesterday, and it sure as fuck doesn't mean that I am willing to jump back into war" you wished they just go away. You were finally free safe. "steve go" "huh?" "go ill be back with you in a few minutes" and so steve walked away out of hearing distance. bucky said down but your door.

"look y/n I know what you've been through ok. I know they hurt you because they hurt me too. See this difference is I was a soldier before this...you were just someone in the wrong place wrong time. Me and steve here are looking for the others those who were like us, set them free too. Though they seem to either be like you, Isiah, or are still trying to fight. now I'm here because most are trying to fight and they're gathering together and fighting. I don't blame you for not trusting me I get it, some days even I don't trust me but know that I never wanted to hurt you." bucky cleared his throat "I am James 'bucky' Barnes and you are part of my amends" bucky said before the door opened and he fell back.

You stuck your hand out "give it" you said which bucky only looked up at you confused. "come on there's only so many therapists for brainwashed murderes give it" you said again. bucky handed you the tiny book. you opened it and crossed out your name handing it back to him. "get up and get your boy toy over there to come inside. I need to get ready if we're going to war." you said walking upstairs. "so you'll come?" bucky asked. "sure James why the fuck not but be aware you may be fixed but I'm only free out of pure will, soon as someone says the words I'm no longer free" you said walking to your room.

Bucky opened his notebook writing down ten words. he handed the paper to steve. "what's this?" he asked looking down at the words in both Russian and English. "her trigger words. just know as soon as there said she's one of them" bucky knew the words. hydras orders were if he found you to trigger you. "so she's not...." steve trailed off "nope she's only free out of self will" bucky shrugged sometimes he wished he had been able to be like you. "is it safe to bring her?" steve asked fearing what would happen if you became like bucky. "ill be fine" you said from the top of the stairs. you were wearing your gear which consisted of a black long sleeve made out of bulletproof gear that you stole from the police, black leggings for movement, black boots, and a hoodie. your hair was out of your face and you had your daggers on one side of your belt and your guns on the other.

"don't be a moron and say those words and everything will be fine," you said walking down. "now what's the game plan what do I need?" "what you have and spare clothes and weapons," Steve said. you nodded walking to your garage where the rest of your knives and guns were at along with your disguised clothes. "so you said that the soldiers are grouping up and fighting. know why?" "There are only rumors some say they want new hydra, others say they're scared some say they are forming a 'better' hydra," bucky said following you.

you grabbed a bag stuffing clothes in and ammo along with some daggers. "so are we staying with the rest of the little einstens?" you asked turning to steve. you were met with two confused faces. you blinked, how on earth are you, a person on the run, more educated on pop culture than these two "its....its a kids show" you said clearing your throat "im asking if were staying at the avengers headquarters" you said awkwardly. "oh no were tracking the group and certain people, those suspicious and then we just stay in hotels" steve said. you nodded and walked to the front door. "lets go then shall we"

you two got into steves car. "so how come no ones ever heard of you if you were on of them?" steve asked. "got out before i become one fully they never were able to trigger me" you shrugged. "she tried getting me out but...she was too late" bucky looked down. steve shut up from that point on. you all drove to a motel close to where they had seen a few people hiding out at from the sights of it.

the motel was kind of well really bad, not quite what you expected when rolling with the avengers. they said it was to stay undercover, large purchases and such could trigger that someone famous is rolling in. So here you were sat on a rigidy bed in the motel. there was 2 beds but 3 of you so someone had to share. "not it" steve said flopping back onto a bed. you and bucky looked at each other. "come on you two have known each other for almost as long as buck and I" steve said sitting up.

you grumbled sitting on the bed before sighing. not like you slept much so maybe you wouldn't have to actually share the bed. "for tonight we will fill you in" steve said. you 3 sat at a table and they told you the information they have and what they're plan is.

They said how they have a few places where they think people are hiding out based on the hours of activity and a few spots look like people are hiding out there. They said their plan was talk until people started noticing bucky and then chose to fight, then they came to you. Now their plan was talk but with back up incase shit takes a turn again.

Bucky and steve had gone to sleep but you were still up sat at a table. you were sharpening your daggers. you were zoned out for a while at this point. you didn't sleep often due to fear that if you let your guard down you wouldn't be able to hold back the soldier part of you. you really only slept when you were on the verge of passing out. This started when one night you had a dream, not long after you escaped, of the man saying the words. you felt your whole brain shift, luckily you woke up and were able to push back before anything happened. since then it was too close of a call to risk anything ever again.

You saw movement and looked up seeing bucky look around in almost a panic before he saw you. his breathing steadied "hey" he whispered out of breath. you nodded to him "you ok there?" "hmm? yea why are you up isnt it late?" you looked at the clock. last you looked it was 12am. you shrugged "same reason your up" "guess being brainwashed has its cons" you huffed "ysupposeou could say that"

"you sleep at all" bucky asked standing and walking to you. "i sleep when i feel like im going to pass out" you returned back to sharpening your daggers "last time i casually slept the world almost had another winter soldier" you scoffed "never doing that shit again" you looked up at bucky. his hair was a mess and a thin layer of sweat covered his chest. he was definitely muscly and you'd be lying if you said he wasn't hot.

"you should rest ill watch over you make sure you don't change" he said looking at you. "no its fine got another" you looked down at your watch looking at the date "few days before i pass out" you shrugged. "y/n. sleep" he stated. you shook your head. bucky groaned, walked to you and threw you over his shoulder "come on sleep time" he said putting you on the bed. you groaned but soon as you were laying down you felt your eyes insticntly close. "stupid body" you grumbled

soon slumber took over. bucky smirked down at you. you two were one in the same except while he was forever free you, you were free on pure will and keeping your guard up. "ill keep you safe doll, no one will change you even yourself" he said brushing the hair from your face. soon he felt as peace seeing you so calm and he laid next to you. the bed reminded him of the ones in the military. sleep took him over not too longer after.

[naralanis]

My first pen was a Pilot Metro Retro. And was promptly broke by an E-2 I let borrow it to sign paperwork (i kept the cap so he would have to give it back, but alas). And then a couple years later I jumped to a TWSBI Vac700 Iris. Anyway, i have a few different pens, but I havent found even a basic instruction on how to tune tines or maintain them besides washing them out with distilled water. And suggestions?

Hi there! Sorry about your Metro, and hope you're happy with the TWSBI! I once let someone borrow my Décimo and they... mangled it. Heartbreaking! I was eventually able to fix it, but it took some doing, and it was also a last ditch effort -- I was already fully prepared to dish out the money for a brand new nib unit, so I figured there was no harm in trying.

I'll get to the easy stuff first: if your fountain pen is writing OK, it doesn't really require more maintenance than a good flush every now and then. You don't even have to use distilled water (unless the water in your area is like, exceedingly mineral-heavy) -- plain tap water and regular dish soap will do just fine.

As for nib tuning/readjustments, they are not part of a pen's general maintenance. Readjustments are done if there's a problem with how your pen is writing, and personally I view nib tuning as something done to improve the experience to the user -- mostly to smooth a scratchy nib.

Here's the short answer as to why info on making these adjustments is a little less widespread (though still relatively easy to find):

1) While often simple, these alterations can be a bit fiddly, and it's very easy to irreparably damage your pen.

2) These alterations, but especially tuning/otherwise modifying your nib/feed, will almost certainly automatically void your pen's warranty.

Keep that in mind if you decide to undertake any tuning -- it is always at your own (and your pen's) risk.

That's the short of it! For the (much, much) longer version, as always, see below the cut!

sorry this one took so long, I got really, really into it and it is stupidly long adalskjadhls

So, first things first. Your pen writes completely fine, you wash it every now and then or whenever you're changing inks, and have an overall pleasurable experience writing with it.

Congrats! Nothing else needs to be done. Enjoy your pen.

Now, let's say your pen isn't writing completely fine. Maybe it's skipping, maybe it feels scratchy, maybe it's laying down too much ink or not enough.

Before you go straight to tuning your nib, the first thing you do is: you clean it.

"But Nara, I already cleaned it." Clean it again. You'd be amazed how often a more thorough flush fixes simple flow problems -- do it with dish soap if you used only water the second time.

The next step? Try a different ink, if you have some. Then, try some different paper. It's good to have a paper/ink combo that you're familiar with to use as a standard. I like to use a Rhodia No. 19 Dot Pad and Waterman Serenity Blue to test all of my pens -- nearly every pen I buy writes an 'inauguration' page with that exact combination.

If your pen is a cartridge/converter, always make sure the cartridge or converter is the right fit and that it's seated properly. It should fit securely without a ton of pressure -- if you can basically bop it off without trying, it's probably the wrong fit. If the converter provided to you by the retailer doesn't fit, contact them -- maybe you got a defective pen.

Alright, so you've done all of the above, but your pen is still writing funky or not at all. Now it's time to take a closer look at the nib.

Enjoy this expertly made reference image I made on my phone before I realized I could just link you to a better one.

Before you start researching how to tune/grind your nib, let's check the nib and feed alignment -- the feed is what allows the ink to travel from reservoir to paper, and if cleaning your pen hasn't solved the problem, there's a good chance it is probably not seated correctly.

Here's what you should check for:

1) Make sure your feed is flush to the underside of your nib

If there's a major gap between the underside of your nib and the top of the feed (where the ink channel is), the ink simply can't get to where it needs to be (i.e. the tip of the nib). I

If there is a major gap, you can check if your nib and feed are seated correctly in the nib section. This depends a little bit on the pen and the model, but most of the time, you can try grasping nib and feed together and gently pushing down. Remember to never grab your nib by the shoulders/tines, as that will most likely ruin it.

2) Make sure your feed is properly centered with the nib.

This is easier to check if your pen has a breather hole, which most of them do. Basically, check to see if the ink channel at the top of your feed (you can see it through the breather hole) lines up with the ink slit. Here's a good example:

And here are... not so good ones. Coincidentally, both on Conklin pens.

This is usually a simple fit -- sometimes you can gently wriggle it back in place. Other times, you need to remove the nib and feed from the collar (basically the plastic thing that holds the nib unit together) or they are friction fit to the section altogether (like in the Lamy AL-Star). Do a bit of research on your pen model before you try disassembling it.

Feed is centered? All good to go? OK, now we move on to checking the metalworks, so to speak. I recommend using a magnifying glass or loupe for this part. Here's the one I use.

4) Check your tines for a) factory oopsies and b) misalignment.

Here's an example of tines that were just... cut very wrong (sorry for poo-poo pic quality, but you should be able to see the tine on the right just... ain't right)

In the case above, contact your retailer. I noticed this one before even inking my pen, but they should cover a replacement regardless.

DISCLAIMER: all adjustments from here on out may void your pen's warranty.

(maybe not a simple realignment, but don't risk it, or ask your retailer before you try anything).

Here's an example of slightly misaligned tines (ON THE SAME PEN AFTER EXCHANGE BTW).

I stupidly didn't get pictures of my Décimo or the Duragraph above looking straight at nib pointing up -- you could actually see one of the tines sloping slightly downward. That causes unbearable (to me) scratchiness and can tear off paper fibers. No fun.

There are better examples from JetPens' Fountain Pen Troubleshooting Guide (which you should absolutely check out!)

You can fix misaligned tines yourself. It requires patience, a little pressure, and a lot of finesse not to overdo it. You can manually bend the tines back into place, but before you try it yourself, I recommend going to YouTube to see how other pen people do it. My method is similar to this one, but there are several others. You can use your fingernail to push it down, just be very careful with how much force you use.

The one method I personally don't recommend is, ironically, the one JetPens recommend on their guide. It might work just fine, but I just think it is way too easy to overdo it and get splayed tines or create a major gap between nib and feed.

OK, seems like the tines on your pen are fine? Time to...

5) Check the distance between your tines.

Your tines should, ideally, be juuust a hair apart-- only enough for the ink and capillary action do their thing. They shouldn't be touching, since that would hinder ink flow, but there should not be a gulf of distance between them either. Let's revisit another Conklin

Yay. Fun.

This is also fairly simple to fix, but again: you have to be delicate about it. I manually manipulate my tines into position and kind of go by feel by now, always testing and checking with my loupe. Here's how PenBoyRoy does it:

Again, there are many different methods, and you will often hear different things from different pen people. It's down to preference and what works for you!

OK, now we've gone through an odyssey of troubleshooting (I AM SO SORRY), let's talk about nib tuning.

Yet another disclaimer: doing anything I describe below will 100% void your pen's warranty.

Tuning your nib isn't necessarily fixing it. It certainly can, if you've done pretty much all of the above and everything looks fine but the pen isn't writing the way you want it to. I use it to smooth down pens that are technically writing OK, but the experience of writing with them isn't entirely pleasant for me.

Essentially, you're using a rougher surface to basically... 'sand down' your nib. There's a wide variety of techniques (from using a rough paper bag all the way to actual fine-grit sanding blocks), but the most important detail you need to remember is you're removing tipping material (however little).

While tuning your nibs isn't necessarily hard, it's very, very easy to overdo it, and that will cause pretty much irreparable damage. If tuning nibs is something you're interested in, practice on inexpensive pens first -- I practiced on ye olde Pilot Varsity.

The Varsity is great to practice tuning because 1) it's super cheap, so even if you fuck it up completely, it's not the end of the world. 2) It has a medium tip.

The bigger the tip = the more tipping material = more room for error.

I mainly use two things to tune my pens: micromesh and mylar paper, which are both super fine abrasives. Goulet (and other pen retailers) sell entire nib-tuning kits with everything you might need to get started, but here's my own (plus a few extras that may look scary, but trust me, you don't need all of this):

In my pen kit above, you can see my newer sheets of micromesh and mylar and the scribbles I use to tune my nibs. I hold the pen the way I normally would when writing with it, and scribble over the abrasive, but I don't do it randomly. Figure 8s are usually the go-to for simple tuning; you can also go a particular direction if you know exactly which area of your nib needs to be smoothed.

Again, even micromesh and mylar paper (particularly the latter) are incredibly fine abrasives, it is still very easy to overdo it. I have fucked up nibs before, mostly on my practice pens, but also on a not-super-cheap pen, and I had to buy a whole new nib unit.

So, like I said, possible? Very! Simple? Sure! Finicky? Hell yeah.

Side note: tuning a nib is mostly just making it write more smoothly. If you'd like to change the shape of the tipping material entirely (and thus create line variation), that is totally something that can be done!

It is called nib grinding, and it is better left to the professionals, but it is super cool!

pOK, I didn't quite mean to go into a full nib troubleshooting post, but I should have known my brain could not be stopped. Hopefully, this (extremely) long-winded, tangent-riddled descent into the rabbit hole was at least a little bit useful!

Thanks for dropping by!

[newagesispage]

OCTOBER                           2021

 THE RIB PAGE

*****

We miss U Charlie Watts!!

*****

The Stones performed at a private party for Patriots owner Robert Kraft of all people. The test run looked like just that. Shark jumped. I am becoming disillusioned.

*****

SNL is back with Owen Wilson as first host of season 47. Kacey Musgraves is the musical guest. Episode 2 will have a ridic choice for host. Halsey will sing. I suppose $ is power with the Kardashians. I could think of about 10 million other people to host but more and more Lorne goes for the shiny object , what he THINKS people want instead of taking risk. Beck Bennett is out.

*****

Is everybody watching the Amber Ruffin Show?? I loved her before but now… I learn so much from her show. Sometimes it takes a comic to get to the real serious shit. For example: Have you heard of drowning towns? Towns like Oscarville, Kowaliga, York hill, Seneca Village, Prentiss and countless other black towns that were drowned out to make lakes for the local whites. Central Park was also made after a black community was erased from history. Development displacement? Alleyway dwelling authority? Even those rabid for history can find out new things everyday. Thanks Amber!!

*****

Bob Woodward and Robert Costa are finally giving us Peril !!!!!!  I’ve been waiting!!** I was in political nerd heaven on Sept. 24 when Yamiche hosted Robert, Bob and Weijia Jang on Washington Week. All of my favorite pundits all together at one table, my dream team!!

*****

Iman looked great at the Met Gala!! Other great looks belonged to AOC, Tessa Thompson, Maluma, Helen Lasichanb and Pharrell Williams. Gigi Hadid, Kiki Layne, Ashton Sanders, Hailee Steinfeld, Kehlani, Zoe Kravitz, Michaela Cole, Lili Reinhart, Kate Hudson and Shai Gilgeous- Alexander were great. Whoopi Goldberg seemed a bit off.

*****

Jason Isbell is back with his latest offering, Georgia Blue.

*****

I see a lot of Title Max type establishment are closing down. Are they a thing of the past? Let’s hope.

*****

Law and Order is coming back to NBC for season 21. Dick Wolf will own 2 entire nights of television. Some of the old cast is reported to be returning.

*****

Britney Spears Father was suspended as her conservator.

*****

Timothy Chalamet, Rowan Atkinson, Sally Hawkins and Olivia Coleman will star in Wonka.

*****

The 2022 Super Bowl halftime show will bring us Snoop Dogg, Eminem, Mary J. Blige, Dr. Dre and Kendrick Lamar.

*****

People are doing test runs for school board positions to see if their political ideas will play well for the big leagues. If they don’t seem to work, at least they can sometimes change the rules in their own area.

*****

Joe Rogan got Covid.

*****

Lake Michigan beaches were closed down thanks to a US Steel plant chemical leak.

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Is this country the master of endless administrative work?  None of us should have been surprised at the red tape that the slowed down the end of the war in Afghanistan.** Uber donated 50k for rides and meals to the Afghans when they arrive.**And why do so many waste taxpayer $ on useless recounts and recalls when people need real help with food and healthcare? They must really hate humanity.

*****

R. Kelly was found guilty of 8 counts of sex trafficking and 1 count of racketeering.

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Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. – Dwight D. Eisenhower

*****

Texas has put a law into effect to allow most Texans to carry open without permit or training.

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Texas has banned abortion at about 6 weeks. Uber and Lyft will pay drivers legal fees if sued under Texas abortion law. Lyft donated $1mil to Planned Parenthood. ** Look for the ruling in the Mississippi law over Roe V. Wade in June 2022.**Hear us roar!** BTW.. Go Jen Psaki!!!!!!!

*****

They seriously banned plastic straws and abortion before assault rifles? – Eden Dranger

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Please stop banning abortions, the last thing the world needs is more Americans. –Sarah Beattie

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Women don’t inseminate themselves. Vasectomies are reversible. Should every man have one until he’s deemed financially and emotionally fit to be a Father? – Bradley Whitford

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90 year old William Shatner will go to space for Blue Origin.

*****

The Q Anon Shaman pled guilty to a felony for obstructing the Electoral College proceedings. I say 20 years and a $250K fine.** 600 others have been indicted.

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Days Alert: The Beyond Salem thing was ridic but it was so great to see some old characters.  Days is so great at visiting old family. Who can resist Shane, Austin and Carrie, Billie and the old Kristen? I do wish that Peacock would get their kinks out!! Back to the real Days: Are we smelling an Emmy for Susan Seaforth Hayes and Bill?? ** Good to have Abigail back. It is always fun to wonder which actress and or personality it will be. ** Deidre Hall got her star on the walk of fame.**And just in time for Halloween, the Devil is making a comeback. The end of the year in Salem is always the best!! It is so brave to give the 96 year old man the old switcheroo into the Dark Lord.  It was fun to see the grandkids discover Grandma Marlena’s story. Delicious!! Hail Satan!!** It is past time for Tate and Teresa to come back to town. Brady needs to be put in his place. And thanks for the Philip and Chloe flashbacks!!

*****

The breakdown of the vaccinated: 90% of Atheists, 86% Hispanic Catholic, 84% Agnostic, 79% White Catholic, 73% White mainline protestant, 70% Black mainline protestant, 57% white evangelical. 1 in 500 Americans have died of Covid.

*****

So Mike Lindell and Jim Baker have teamed up to sell children’s Bible pillows.** Piers Morgan has returned to the Murdoch organization by joining Fox. That sounds about right.

*****

Please stop saying the vaccine does not have severe side effects, I took my shots and now I’m alive and have to keep working. –Mohand Eishieky

*****

In theatres Oct. 22: The French Dispatch.** October also brings us a new season of Curb your enthusiasm and Oct. 17 will catch us up on Succession. Whew!!!

*****

So people under conservatorship are not free to marry who they want? What?

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46% of Americans believe in ghosts.

*****

Simone Biles, Mckayla Maroney and Aly Rasiman testified at  the Senate judiciary hearing about the FBI’s handling of accusations against Larry Nassar and it was eye opening!

*****

We wanted a no -nonsense Dem who pushes on and does not puss out.  I am a bit surprised to see we have it. There are so many pressing issues that I hope Biden works a bit more on Haiti though.

*****

The National Police Act was passed to celebrate cops. Still no police reform.

*****

John Mulaney and Olivia Munn are going to have a baby.

*****

The Emmy’s were a little different this year with more of a Golden Globe look.  Cedric the Entertainer hosted with Reggie Watts as DJ. Lots of minority noms but barely a win. It was a white people night. Ted Lasso had a great night. Mare of Eastown took home a few with Evan Peters, Julianne Nicholson and Kate Winslet. Now, Kate is great but how did Anya Taylor- Joy not walk away with that? Queens Gambit did win a couple and gave the longest speech with the seemingly arrogant director Scott Frank who opened up 2 page acceptance. Categories were tough but I was routing for Renee Elise Goldberry and Bowen Yang but perhaps next year. The people in England who had their own party for all the statues that the Crown won seemed to be having more fun! Hacks won for writing and directing and Jean Smart!! It was nice to see the Norm Macdonald love which was barely mentioned by Lorne but celebrated by John Oliver. Colbert ‘s election night special won as did JB Smoove. Hamilton won and Debbie Allen got the big one. I do not understand why real singers and or musicians have to be there for the in Memoriam. It takes me out of it a bit and concentrates the focus on them. Do they think that people will pay attention more? Do they want to keep the home audience or live audience from the bathroom?  My best dressed were Anya Taylor-Joy, Michaela Cole who won for I may destroy you, Jean Smart, Josh O’Connor, Kathryn Hahn, Billy Porter, MJ Rodriguez, Keenan Thonpson, Leslie Odom Jr., Catherine O’Hara, Trevor Noah, Eugene Levy, Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys, Bowen Yang,  Anthony Anderson, Leslie Grossman, Amber Ruffin, Allyson Felix, Renee Elise Goldberry, Samira Wiley and Rege- Jean Page. My worst were Sarah Paulson, Gillian Anderson,  Beanie Feldstein, Elizabeth Olsen and Aidy Bryant. To me the best part of the show was the enthusiasm of Conan and the way he injected himself into much of the evening .He was the show.  Go Conan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****

Next year there must be some Emmys for Sarah Paulson and Cobie Smulders in Impeachment!!!!!

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Oh Boy!! The Eyes of Tammy Faye!!

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Looking forward to the Electric Life of Louis Wain with Benedict Cumberbatch and Claire Foy.

*****

Abba has a new album!!

*****

Shang Chi is the biggest Labor Day opening with a $71.4 mil opening.

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Sen. Amy Klobuchar has announced she has breast cancer.

*****

Is it the 70’s? A streaker ran past the studio of the Today show.

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Rascal Flatts Joe Don Rooney was arrested for DUI.** Nicholas Cage was thrown out of a prime rib pace in Vegas after being drunk and disorderly.

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Jennifer Eckhart has filed a lawsuit against former Fox news anchor Ed Henry for rape and retaliation after allegedly being handcuffed and beaten.

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Scarlett Johansson has settled her Disney lawsuit.

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Pete Buttigieg and Chasten had twins they named Penelope Rose and Joseph August.

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I noticed a commercial for Dancing with the Stars. Are we onto the E list because I have heard of hardly any of these people. ‘Stars’is really stretching it. And as I post this I see there are some covid issues there as well.

*****

Virgin River was renewed for 2 more seasons.

*****

Trevor Noah is right? Why do they stop giving lollipops to adults at the doctor?

*****

Jon Stewart is back on Apple tv with ‘The problem with Jon Stewart.

*****

Brooklyn 99 had about the best finale (other than Newhart) that I can recall. I had my fingers crossed that Chelsea would be back. Will they honor us like they did in the show and come back for a special about once a year? That would be fucking awesome!!

*****

Don’t expect compliments from an insecure person.- Mr. Pickles

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Thousands and thousands of people are in need. Haitian refugees and other immigrants have seen nothing like this what with assassination, a hurricane and earthquake. The Southern border is a mess.** Why does Fox news keep telling refugees the border is open as they sit back and laugh at Biden’s predicament.  Spreading false info to intentionally hurt poor, distressed people has no end for them.

*****

Do companies know how fucked up their employment websites are? It is true that some people do not want to work. It is true that people schedule interviews and don’t show up. It is also true that companies have made it so hard to apply that many can’t. I suppose it is easier for them but the poor who may really want to work have a hard time. Paper applications are almost completely gone. The old fashioned way of walking into low paying job sites and finding a connection with a manager rarely exist. Some places only accept texts or have long ridiculous psych tests that a working Mother may not have time for. A Father working many hours already, may not be able to go to the library to get online if they cannot afford a computer. Many websites tell you that there no positions available in your area while there is a huge sign in front of the establishment. Can’t find people to work.. Gee I wonder why?? And treat people with respect once you find them, how about that?

*****

Keep your head up in failure, and your head down in success. –Jerry Seinfeld

*****

Hey.. There was a van air B’n B biz going that got busted. Hey.. The poor need vaca’s too. It is wrong but If they are willing to sleep in a van, why not. I truly think that many do not understand how much people are struggling.

*****

Free coffee day came and went but only a few places really gave you free coffee without rules to govern the promo. Some places wanted to sell you something else and some made you belong to their club. Starbucks held that customers had to come inside for the free cup of Joe, handicapped or not.

*****

One would think the Republicans would run out of $ for recounts but they have deep pockets. Just think how much good they could do for the huddled masses with that scratch.

*****

Sad to lose Mick Brigden, protégé of Bill Graham who managed The Stones and worked with Frampton, Dylan and Santana.** And the comics were very vocal about the loss of Norm Macdonald. He was one of a kind and he will be missed!

*****

R.I.P. Ruth Marx, Lee Scratch Perry, Willard Scott, Jean-Paul Belmondo, Isadore Bleckman, George Wein, Michael K. William,George Holliday, Anthony Johnson,  Basil Hoffman, Al Harrington,Willie Garson, Mick Brigden, Tommy Kirk and Norm Macdonald.

[jeasthetic]

May 2019

Deolinda Kalila,

A girl with a beautiful face, who if you look from the outside will look fierce, arrogant, and also harsh. But if you know her more deeply, you will see her gentle and tough nature. So tough, that no one could match her toughness. A quiet girl who doesn't have many friends, also doesn't have many memories. Her life isn't full of happiness, but she never complains of circumstances.

Deolinda Kalila,

The girl who has been teaching the meaning of life, where you shouldn't complain just because of circumstances. If you feel desperate for your life, look back, see how many people were struggling to survive. Look at those who have so many burdens, but never complain about circumstances, never blame God.

The girl opened everyone's eyes, that the real world is not as cruel as people say. It's just about perceptions and presumptions. If you always think that the problem is too big, then that's how you will feel. Let us consider all problems small, because every problem must have a solution. It's all about timing, and how we live it. Stay optimistic, and always give thanks to God. Surely God will bless our every step.

Deolinda Kalila,

Her name has stuck with me, in the depths of my heart, filling every empty space in me. The girl who was strong was incessantly floating in my mind. Her is funny, sometimes spicy, but motivating chatter always rings in my head.

I feel like crying when I remember the memories we have spent together. Kalila is strong, who always looks tough, who always advises me, always supports me, and teaches me about the beauty of being grateful.

However, it turns out that Kalila isn't that strong, she isn't an incarnate angel, she's just an ordinary human. Someone who is already within her limits. Kalila is tired. Not tired in heart, but body.

*** *** ***

October 2018

The stars scattered in the sky indicate that the weather is sunny tonight. I invited Kalila to see how beautiful the scenery in the sky was. The stars still look beautiful even though we only see them from behind the window. Well ... Kalila's health isn't very good, she isn't allowed to go out at night, so I think this is the only way to comfort her when she is missing her parents.

"Kal, someone said if there is a shooting star, we can ask for one request and be granted," I said to Kalila.

"It's a hoax. The only one who can grant our request is God." she said seriously. Huh, even though I'm just kidding.

"If God gave you one wish, what would you ask for?" I asked.

"I want to live a little longer," she replied with a smile.

I shuddered in horror, "it's not like your age isn't that long. Anyway, no one knows how old you are."

"It's not that long," she replied lightly, "I don't know how old I am, but with my condition like this, the possibility of living a long life is very small." she continued.

I was stunned, I think her words were too .. too much.

"How bad is your pain?" I asked a little annoyed.

"Um ... btw, isn't it ridiculous if I ask to stay alive when it's time to go?" she asked back without heeding my question earlier.

I sighed heavily, "It's ridiculous, but 'how about it? Everyone has their own reasons why they want to live longer, including you." I replied. Forget my question earlier, Kalila won't want to answer it.

"Yeah, I want to be successful and be happy for Grandma, as well as the people around me." she said. Yes, it's that simple the reason.

"Nice." I gave a faint smile, lightly patted the top of her head. "Btw, it's already at this hour. I'm home, huh? Afraid that my mother will be angry." I say goodbye to Kalila.

Kalila just nodded limply with pursed lips.

"Alright, don't be sad. Don't cry anymore, your mom and dad need prayers, not tears. Okay?" I said.

Kalila nodded again, "be careful on the road."

***

Kalila absent from class for one week, without explanation – alpha. This certainly makes me anxious, I'm worried about the situation now. The reason is, Kalila is completely unreachable, and her house is always empty. Where it is now, I don't know. Even if I want to search, I don't know where to look, there is no clue at all.

All I can do now is visit her house every morning and after school, to check whether she and her grandmother are home or not. Even though I myself don't know whether they left to come back again or ... ah, I don't know. Besides, this is the only way I can do it.

I walked along the path to Kalila's house, hoping that this time I could meet her. When I almost arrived, I saw from a distance an old woman had just gotten out of a taxi and walked towards her house. There's no mistaking it, it's Kalila's grandmother. I immediately approached Kalila's grandmother, who was now at the door and prepared to open the doorknob.

"Excuse me, Grandma." My greetings to Grandma Kalila, make her fail to open the knob.

"Ah, Jeno-ya." she said, her expression sad and tired.

"Grandma, where is Kalila?" I asked without preamble.

"Ah, Kalila ..." Kalila's grandmother's sentence was interrupted, the sad face became more visible.

"Grandma?" I took Kalila's grandmother's hand, then held it.

Grandma Kalila cried, "Kalila..." she muttered a little sobbing, "Kalila is hospitalized."

I was flabbergasted, "Hospitalization? What disease does she have, Grandma?"

"A lot, kid. The virus is running rampant now." replied the grandmother between her tears.

"What? What virus?" I keep asking, really, I don't understand at all. What's going on here?

"Looks like it's time for grandma to tell you the truth, son." she said, I was just speechless.

Grandma Kalila told me everything about Kalila that I didn't know at all so far. She was really telling the truth, it made me disbelieve. Kalila, who has been looking tough all this time, turns out to be bearing a lot of burdens, one of which is to bear the disease she is currently suffering from. And how shocked I was when I learned of Kalila's illness.

Kalila contracted the HIV virus from birth. The doctor said, this was a fortune because Kalila was still able to survive today. The reason is, Kalila's father died after several years of contracting the virus, as well as her mother who died after giving birth due to an indirect infection from the HIV virus.

So far, Kalila has to take ART drugs or antiretroviral treatment, to prevent the virus from multiplying, and stabilize her condition to stay healthy. But lately, she didn't consume it due to cost issues. So that the HIV virus is increasingly spreading and causing various kinds of complications.

Kalila's grandmother's statements were so stifling, they filled my eyes with tears, which I just spilled. My heart feels very sick, really can't accept the harsh reality. In fact, from the start I thought that Kalila was indeed a HIV sufferer because some of the symptoms she had had did refer to the disease. But I always deny it, I always hope that my guess isn't true. And the worst will not happen.

"Why did you just say it now? Why did Kalila never tell the truth?" I asked in a slightly choked up voice, my tears have broken now.

"Sorry, son. Kalila didn't allow me to tell anyone about her illness. You must understand Kalila's feelings."

"But this is me, Grandma? I'm her best friend."

"Precisely because of that, Kalila doesn't want to lose her only friend. Kalila is afraid that you will stay away after learning about her illness."

Alright, so that's the reason. I don't understand why Kalila thought that I would leave her after knowing the illness she was suffering from. I'm not that bad, no thoughts of leaving her, at all. I thought Kalila was very familiar with my nature, but not. A little angry, but much disappointed.

"Grandma, I went to the hospital, right?" I asked Grandma Kalila.

"Yes, son. Jeno, wait here first, I wants to take Kalila's needs."

**

Kalila is lying weak with an IV in her hand and various kinds of tubes stuck in her body. Her body was too weak to simply change her sleeping position. Looks very tired, but still awake from sleep. I hold Kalila's left hand - the hand that is free from the IV - intending to strengthen it.

Actually I was angry and also disappointed, considering Kalila's attitude was so closed to me. But I don't have the heart to take it out on Kalila. She's too weak to argue with. So, I tried to throw away my anger, and excused Kalila's actions.

We haven't said anything since I came. Though usually she was very enthusiastic about welcoming me, even though she was sick. Kalila continues to daydream while staring at the hospital ceiling. Many times I called her name, but there was no response at all. And maybe she also didn't realize that all this time I was holding her hand.

"Jeno?"

Finally Kalila opened her voice. She called out my name without taking her eyes off the ceiling.

"W-what?" I stammered, a little surprised. I guess she didn't even notice that I was here.

Kalila turned to me, "when I go, you will not forget me, right?"

I rounded my eyes, "What are you talking about? Where are you going? You're still here." my pressure.

Kalila shook her head limply, "no, Jen. I took what I said yesterday, when it's time to go, I won't have much hope."

"Kal–"

"Please promise me, Jeno."

"W-what?"

"Don't ever forget me, even though I'm not beside you anymore." said Kalila, her eyes filled with tears.

"Never. I'll Never forget you." I replied firmly while holding Kalila's hand tightly, trying to look fine.

"And ... You have to visit me often, even though you're already married. Invite your little family to meet me, OK?" she said again.

I smiled bitterly, "Yes. But later, in a few years. Because I don't want you to go out anytime soon. I'm not ready. And again, what the heck, married ?!"

Kalila chuckled, "ready or not, have to be ready .. Ah ya, one more thing."

"What else?" I asked embarrassedly.

"Please take care of my grandmother." said Kalila with a sad smile, making my heart feel sliced.

"Yes, I will take care of your grandma. Your grandma is my grandma too." I answered.

"Thanks, Jeno." Kalila smiled again, "Thank you for accompanying me for this one year. You're my best friend, not because you are the only one, but because you are really valuable." My feelings warmed after hearing the words that Kalila said.

"Thanks also to everything you've taught me, Kal. Including about how to respond to a world that is sometimes not on our side. So far, I have learned a lot from you. I feel ashamed if I remember what I was, why I was so easy to give up, even though my burden isn't much. And since I know you, I feel like a stronger person. " I replied.

Kalila nodded with a shady smile, tightening her hand, "I love you, Lee Jeno." she said, then she closed her eyes.

"Kal!" I screamed. I immediately stood up, then checked her breath and pulse. My breath was caught, my body suddenly felt weak, my legs felt numb. I lowered my head to face Kalila who was helpless.

"Kal ..." I groaned. I closed my eyes, squeezed my chest which felt so sore with the tears pouring down.

"I want to go to Cambridge, the best university in the world."

"I want to be a successful person, Jen. I want to make you happy."

"Don't be stupid, your future is still long, Jeno!"

"Your parents must be fine, don't be sad."

"Don't be afraid to face problems, problems won't kill you."

"You have to promise, you can't even try to commit suicide again."

"You have to be strong, Jeno. You're a boy."

The sentences that have been spoken by Kalila ring in my head, as well as the sweet memories we went through together. Which now feels so painful. I hate this goodbye, but I never regretted our meeting. Met, then separated. Isn't that a natural thing?

As much as possible I try to let it go, even though it's so hard. But I also don't want to add to Kalila's burden, she has to go quietly. The struggle has been quite up to here, it has reached its peak.

Kalila's suffering in the world is over. Finally I have to let it go, because then Kalila will leave in peace. Hopefully she will always be well. I don't need to worry, because there will be many angels guarding it.

Goodbye, Kalila. May God reunite us in His heaven later.

END

© Story by: najaesthetic_

Find me on wattpad: najaesthetic_

[straynstay]

Astronaut theory

first of all, I am confusion lol

SKZ broke me in a way that my mind is overthinking so many things that now I believe that anything from their MVs might be a sign. And may I add that Chan's recent live only made me even more confused PLS BOY IF YOU SEE THIS DROP THE THEORY YOU SAID WAS QUITE CLOSE TO THE TRUTH cause I'm nearly losing my mind, I need answers!!!!

so here I am again trying to understand their concept and trust me, it's not easy or short and I don't even know if it's right which makes me even more frustrated... also, we may have lost some important pieces to connect the whole story bc we don't know what was taken from the original MV with ot9, so yeah…

anyways... let me put a guide for you guys cause I'm not gonna write the title of the songs all the time, so AS = Astronaut; DK = Double Knot; MH = Miroh; SE = Side Effects; VS = Victory Song; YW = Yellow Wood (teaser); D9 = District 9; IAY = I Am You

Alright, let’s go back to the beginning! In I Am Not teaser we see that each one has a specific function inside the system or is doing sth very particular, Felix is dancing in front of mirrors on a rooftop (where they always are on their MVs) with a building nearby that shows a sign with FAKE on it – clearly indicating that either Felix is fake or their reality is fake, or maybe both; Changbin is in a room full of TVs like MIA; Seungmin is drawing sth that looks like a map (but I guess it was supposed to be sth else?) but he’s also the one in charge of the maps in Double Knot; we have Hyunjin trying to control a VR system, he looks quite frustrated with it, and after Hyunjin removes the headset, we hear a sound similar to when a program is being interrupted on tv and his image is frozen, probably bc he was disconnected from the main system.

and the most intriguing part: we have Jeongin in a bus – also sth reoccurring in their MVs – and he sees another Jeongin sitting on the bus stop, as if waiting for him. We all know by now that it’s a double, a clone, or whatever you may call it (like I mentioned previously on my Side Effects analysis that clearly shows they have ‘shadows’ like other selves copying their moves).

we don’t see what happens afterwards, but I’m gonna assume he finds out something is not right in the system and probably tells Chan (their leader) about it. Why I think this? Because in MIA they both sing the following lines: “Something is different, carefully look around you” (which is exactly what Chan does in D9) and “Something is changing, even if you hide it so hard, I can see it all” (which is what Jeongin does on the bus and also in Miroh, cause he’s the one in the control room, right?). But the thing is… I believe that the fake Jeongin is the one with SKZ in District 9. The double took his place after he got off the bus and is acting like Jeongin would, helping SKZ and all, but his line “better watch out” shows sth different, it seems somehow too menacing, almost like a threat – at least to me. So SKZ better watch out now cause there’s a fake among them, but SKZ is unaware

moving on.. it’s also in MIA that we see SKZ being duplicated – it looks like it can’t be helped. We know for sure that there’s a double for Chan, Woojin and Felix. In the MV it seems like Hyunjin also has a double that is watching himself from the other side of the door while the one inside the room says “Why are you staring at me again?” and then we see a surveillance camera (they’re onto Hyunjin, but Hyunjin seems to notice it).

this may seem dumb, but Changbin is duplicated in Get Cool (and like I said, any evidence is evidence lol). I don’t remember seeing Jisung, Seungmin and Minho being duplicated in any MV, and isn’t it weird that they’re the ones we see on the cage in AS?

in My Pace we have seven numbers shown behind them when they’re dancing: 137, 163, 191, 223, 241, 271 and 307. I thought they wouldn’t put this randomly so I searched what these number might mean and I found that they’re prime numbers (as you know, prime numbers can only be divided by themselves), and that prime numbers are very useful for creating keys to decrypt data by hackers. So I thought… what if Jeongin and Chan were trying to decrypt the system in order to mess with it but they need a key and Hyunjin was the key? And after DK happened, they managed to create glitches even more powerful than before? (like I explained in my theory).

anyways… moving on to Astronaut. ASTRONAUT = a person who is trained to travel in a spacecraft. But what if in SKZ concept an Astronaut is someone trained to travel their realities? And as we can see in I Am Not, Hyunjin is the one being trained in the VR apparatus.

also, he’s the one with an airplane behind him in Victory Song (and by now I think every little thing in these MVs are clues, sorry)

so what I take from this is that Hyunjin is like the tester of the realities they’ll have to face in order to escape District 9, like he is on a trial mode, if that makes any sense…

in the Astronaut MV, as we all noticed, we have some references from past MVs such as I Am You (the spinning thing); Victory Song (the red flares Chan & Jeongin are holding); Miroh (the boxes); Side Effects (the cart) and Chronosaurus (the plastics)

it’s interesting that Jeongin and Chan are the ones together when the music begins and I think this might mean sth because they’re always referenced as one, like in IAY; and Chan in AS is probably talking to MH’s Jeongin, because if they know what’s happening in the system, they might be able to keep in touch with each other even from different realities – but this is just me speculating too much!

in the MV we see 3 orbs: the 1st one is blueish with a green center; the 2nd is dark blueish/purple with a yellow center, and the last one is transparent with a black center.

so I googled those orb colors and found out that the first one may signify communication, neutrality, healing – might be applied to a master/guide; the second one may signify caution, insight, notice; while the last one may signify insecurity, being trapped or tortured. I don’t know if this makes sense, but I put it in here bc I strongly believe that these orbs represent Chan, Hyunjin and Jeongin, since they’re the ones that seem to be the focus of this storyline (and the color scheme of the scenes the orbs appear reminded me of IAY, 19 and SE)

going back to the AS MV, we also see Felix glitching like he did in MH and I was able to see in the background glasses being smashed, lightening, buildings, a road and a bridge, storm, moon, etc., and these are all elements that are present in their MVs, like showing what they already faced so far.

the cage scene made me think of District 9. When we first see it, Jeongin is the only one inside, but then we also see Han, Minho, Seungmin with him – and they’re slightly glitching, btw.

some other things happen to Hyunjin, he keeps on running, and now he’s outside on a dark road with a storm coming up – which reminded me of SE a lot, especially because of the two moons -, but he seems quite peaceful facing all those terrifying elements

he runs towards the end of the road that he can’t even see what’s waiting for him there – but maybe it’s because he already knows what happens next.

Hyunjin finds Chan in front of a door (maybe the exit?) and they all go through – to me it looks like Felix is the one about to close it, like he did with the gate in D9. Chan then shoots sth towards the sky like he did in VS (which caused a storm), but here it only makes a beam of light appear for them – as if they’re asking to go up? Like ‘beam me up Scotty’? you guys know this Star Trek reference, right? lol

and now we see the sky, but we don’t have two moons… I know it’s probably bc it’s morning, but in SE it was also morning and we saw two moons, so I’m assuming Hyunjin was able to find the finish line of the VR simulation (because I’m assuming that everything with the two moons is actually the VR)

at the end, we see Jeongin walking to the spinning thing like a glitch – like Chan also did when he went to the door, as if teleporting from here to there – and he’s alone, probably left behind. But why would SKZ leave him behind? Probably because they didn’t know he was there...

alright, so what does it all mean? I’m gonna try my best to comment everything and try to link the MVs with the lyrics to create a somewhat decent storyline.

on the released picture of the AS track list, this is what is written (it’s a rough translation, so I’m sorry if it’s wrong): “when we were happy together, we could do anything, where we chatted and laughed carelessly until dawn. Suddenly, I saw a bead… what is it? As soon as I got close, I heard a strange sound. At the end of the sound was a faint mixture of familiar voices calling my name. Without thinking, I started getting drawn by the sound”

To me, the first part means the I Am You setting. They were all happy after being free, they created their own world where they could do anything as long as they were together. In AS we see Hyunjin in this same environment and that’s also when the first orb appears. Hyunjin is attracted by the orb that could possibly be SKZ’s way to communicate with him inside the VR. Because remember, Hyunjin is there but what he’s seeing and experiencing is not real. He’s testing the ways out for SKZ. But he was so happy in that reality that he lost himself, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do anymore. And SKZ sent something to guide him out of this fake environment as we see in AS. He then started his journey back to where the real SKZ are, going through all the tokens from the realities he’s been through (like the boxes with the confusing mazes, but that are easily destroyed bc is not real; the cart from SE, the gate from D9, etc…). What also gives him hints is how the members start to act after he begins his running in AS. After he destroys the boxes, Felix is standing there like a heroic figure, glitching with Changbin, looking almost unapproachable or as if he can’t see him. we see Chan on the floor, so Chan is probably grounded like Hyunjin.

then he sees his friends trapped inside a cage. But the thing is that this cage is really ridiculous, any of them could climb or help the other to get out of there, so I think they’re trapped bc they’re not real, it’s all a simulation, – except for Jeongin, but I’ll get to this point later on, hold on!! – and this cage represents D9.

Hyunjin runs endlessly until he reaches the road I mentioned already, and he finds Chan, they all go through the door (how could they if four of them were trapped? unless nothing of that is real) and they are all dressed in white, like when they escaped D9, dancing happily on the rooftop.

to me, after Jeongin got off the bus he realized the system’s plan and told Chan (their leader), and they came up with ideas to escape, but they needed someone that could control the reality, and Hyunjin was being trained for it – although he was frustrated with it - so they asked him to go unlocking worlds (or roads, or whatever) and he did it, but as farther he went, he started getting lost in the system bc he didn’t know who he was anymore, was he a clone already? What he’s seeing is reality or virtual reality? What’s the truth, what’s the answer?

Chan and Jeongin were able to guide Hyunjin throughout the MVs to continue with their plan, but Hyunjin’s mind was starting to lose itself, although he had a feeling that something seemed off… And Astronaut is nothing more than a recap of all what they’ve been through and Hyunjin’s journey to the unknown in order to find SKZ again and help them escape.

so what about that last scene with Jeongin? Well, I think the Jeongin in white clothes with them at the end is not the real Jeongin, and the Jeongin we see sitting alone is in fact the real one that is trapped inside the VR. Chan was guiding Hyunjin but lost Jeongin in the meantime and didn’t realize it or Chan knows it and is also a clone anything is possible, because to me the Jeongin we see in their MVs isn’t the real Jeongin since D9, like I said in the beginning of this analysis. Maybe the reason Seungmin and Minho were found on DK by the drone is bc Jeongin was with them and he’s part of the system? The others weren’t seen except for these three. I also believe this hypothesis because the gate in AS represents D9 and Jeongin is the only one moving after Hyunjin leaves, probably showing that the real one was lost in D9, but since there can’t be two “Jeongins” in a same place, he needs to wait for them to realize that they’re dealing with a fake one and come back for him.

alright, to summarize this huge analysis...

EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED DIDN’T HAPPEN!! HYUNJIN WAS DECRYPTING AND TESTING THE REALITIES (IN THE VR THING) THEY HAVE TO FACE IN ORDER TO ESCAPE AND OVERTHROW THE SYSTEM AND NOW THAT HE’S FINISHED THE TRIALS HE’S BACK TO DISTRICT 9 AND CAN SHOW SKZ THE RIGHT PATHS TO FOLLOW BUT HE DIDN’T REALISE THAT THE REAL JEONGIN IS TRAPPED INSIDE THE VR AND HE LEFT HIM BEHIND AND NOW SKZ WILL HAVE TO GO BACK TO GET HIM OUT OMGGG I CANT ANYMORE

how else would we explain Hyunjin, Jeongin and Chan’s hairstyle looking almost the same as the one they had in D9?

some other thoughts I had: what if they’re duplicating themselves to leave the clones on the system so the real ones can escape?

ASTRONAUT also has 9 letters... this might mean something?

why is Chan singing all the time “I’m not me” in the background of Mirror? can he be trusted? I’m still not sure about Chan’s role in all of this bc he seems shady like Jeongin lol sorry Chan

from the Victory Song unveil track we have Chan saying this “we are Stray Kids, the owners of Clé. Roll the dice. Our beginning is District 9. We break the frame, escape from the system, and go beyond the fixed line towards STAY. We came to listen to Victory Song. So ring the 승전가”. Isn’t it weird that he says “break, escape, go” instead of “broke, escaped, went” ?? he only says “we came” bc the question is about their entrance in Miroh and Victory Song is after it, but if everything else also happens after D9, shouldn’t the other verbs be on the past tense too?

in Chronosaurus we see someone picking up three keys from the floor and I’m pretty sure it’s Jeongin.

one key for each – Chan, Hyunjin and him. But what can they do with the keys? I thought that maybe they could go spread themselves through the realities these keys unlock and place signs for them so they don’t get lost or forget about what they’re doing, like easter eggs? there are some black balloons on SE that reminded me of 19

in TMT there’s a billboard that Chan sees saying “do what you wanna do” (a message he left for himself there? and look at the background, it’s the space)

and what about Hyunjin? I’m not sure, but maybe the scene where we see him laying on the grass at the end of SE is actually because he just arrived in that reality and lost the key of that reality on that weird pond??? is the easter egg in SE himself??? I still think it’s weird the way Jeongin looks at him and smiles brightly in this scene lol

this is just what I was able to put together, but I still have a lot of questions and a lot of concerns, but unless Chan spills the tea I don’t care if it’s hot we’ll stay clueless about all of this lol

and he says we’re not clowns… right…

[stargleam-star]

Warriors Rewrite Pt 7: Firestar's Quest

Quick note: This book takes place immediately after the events of The Darkest Hour. Riverclan and Shadowclan are now ruled by Stonestar and Darkstar respectively. There will be major changes made to this story in the first half, but otherwise follows the same beats as the canon version of Firestar's Quest. With that said, let's get into it

The prologue for this book starts off similar to its canon counterpart. The difference is that the clans are far less caring of Skyclan's fate, and are unwilling to help even in the slightest if it means they can snag a small sliver of extra land once the Twolegs have finished building their new town. The four clans are so eager to see Skyclan leave that they decide to eject the clan themselves. The only Skyclan members allowed to stay are the clan's young kits and their mothers. The last bit of the prolouge timeskips to show Skyclan's struggle and inevitable dissolve. Skyclan does not denounce their trust in Starclan like in canon, as they do not see it as their ancestors faults.

The main story starts a moon after my rewrite of The Darkest Hour (so it's been 2 moons since the battle with Bloodclan). Cats are still feeling unsettled and jumpy, but life has gone on like normal. Firestar watches his clan from the top of High Rock as he finishes up a ceremony. Sorrrelpaw, Rainpaw, and Sootpaw have been made apprentices. Firestar finds great joy in naming these cats, taking it as a sign that Thunderclan is thriving. He knows that their parents, Willowpelt and Whitestorm, would be proud of them if they were still here

After that's over Tawnypaw requests that the two of them go hunting together. Finding this to be a smart idea, Firestar follows his apprentice out into the forest. The pair split up by the owl tree, agreeing to meet back here soon, once they've each caught a decent amont of prey.

While he's alone, Firestar begins to feel as though he's being watched. As he stalks through a clump of ferns, he comes to find out why. A gray and white patched cat appears before him; laying on the low hanging branch of a tree a few fox-lengths ahead. This cat is unfamiliar, and smells nothing like any of the clans. His blue, star filled, eyes are trained intensely upon Firestar.

Firestar doesn't take the time to wonder who this stranger may be or where they come from; whoever this is, they're a threat. He charges forward, ready to chase the cat out of the territory. But when Firestar reaches the tree, the cat's completely vanished. Feeling a bit crazy, Firestar shakes his head. He convinces himself that it's a mixture of his paranoia and hunger that have caused him to hallucinate another cat being here. After all, he's still feeling the effects from the battle with Bloodclan, even if that was two moons ago. Without lingering a mpment more, Firestar turns around and stalks back into the undergrowth to catch himself something for lunch

When they return home a little after sunhigh, Firestar and Tawnypaw share a meal together. Although he feels a bit better, the firey tom is still uneasy from the cat he saw earlier. He decides to go take a quick nap in his den to hopefully clear his mind

In his dreams, Firestar appears in an incredibly dense part of the forest. This place is almost completely covered in trees. The firey tom finds himself struggling to walk over roots as he tries to take a look around. The forest is foggy, the winds carrying the shrill cries of terrified cats. In the mist, the Thunderclan leader can barely make out blurry silhouettes. Where was he? What did these cats want, he found himself wondering aloud.

Firestar's question goes unanswered as he is suddenly woken up by one of his mates, Sandstorm. She tells the tom that he was twitching in his sleep. She laughs, asking if he was dreaming of chasing mice. Firestar corrects the molly, telling her he was dreaming of flying hedgehogs. Sandstorm headbutts Firestar's chin affectionately, happy to know that he's alright. Firestar smiles at her, although inside he's truly feeling stressed

Awake now, he decides to go speak with Ravensong about his dreams. Perhaps his friend will be able to help him decipher what it may mean, or determine who those cats were. Ravensong is alone in the medicine den when Firestar appears, curious about what the leader could need. Firestar takes the time to explain his dream in detail before asking the medicine cat to interpret it. Ravensong is perplexed by this dream, and is unsure what to make of it. Instead, he simply tells Firestar to let him know if he has the dream again, as further information would help with deciphering what message it may hold. Firestar leaves the medicine den unsatisfied, and more stressed from before. To help himself relax, he decides to go share tongues with Graystripe and Sandstorm

Two days pass. Firestar dreams of the dense forest again. This time he's around long enough to ask his questions again. "Who are you? What do you want? What can I do to help you?" In response, from this fog appears the gray and white patched cat. He looks sad, despite his proud posture. The mysterious tom's mouth moves, as if he were talking, but no sound comes out. When Firestar says he doesn't understand, the stranger dips his head in defeat. Just like that, the dream is over again.

In the waking world, Firestar catches sight of the gray and white patched cat again. Once, during a patrol near the Twoleg border. The other time is during the next gathering. The strange cat appears on the top of the Great Rock after the meeting is dismissed. Firestar sees him look down upon the other cats scornfully. Its here that Firestar notices starry figures mingling among the living clan cats. No other seems to be able to see them, however. Distressed, Firestar decides he needs to visit the Moonstone. He follows Windclan back to their territory, traveling the rest of tue way to mothermouth on his own

When he gets there, Firestar dreams of Four Trees. Standing there waiting for him on the Great Rock this time was Bluestar. She knows why the Thunderclan leader has come, and warns him that he may not like the answers he receives. After heaving a sigh, she reminds Firestar of how she mentioned a fifth clan the last time they had met. She goes on to explain that clan was Skyclan, and that is who he has been seeing. They were driven out by the clans long long ago. Firestar wonders why they've come to him, even though they probably found another home somewhere. Did they want to return to the forest?

Bluestar theorizes that Skyclan's appearance to Firestar has to do with his destiny "fire alone will save the clan". He saved Thunderclan after all, why not Skyclan? But she ensures that there's no way for Skyclan to return to the forest, for there's simply no room. Their original territory is where Twolegplace now sits, and what was left from their land was divided between the clans that once shared their borders. Plus, Bluestar reasons there should never have been a fourth cat to begin with. Just as there were four seasond3, and four great oaks where the clans meet, there should be four clans

Firestar calls Bluestar out on her bullshit and wakes up angry. Starclan, too, seems to be displeased, as they have covered over the moon and stars. Firestar ignores this sign, upset with his ancestors for so willingly abandoning an entire clan.

Back at home, tired from his journey, Firestar decides to sleep. He's no longer anxious about talking to the mysterious cats in his dream, but determined. He wants to talk to them amd help any way he can. They came to him after all, there must be a way to help

During the dream, Firestar sees Skyclan traveling along the path of Riverclan's river. He follows them, watching cats die off along the way for various reasons. Some beg the clan's leader-who turns out to be that gray and white patched cat-to find them a place already. They're starving and suffering, and the medicine cat has told them that Starclan has not beem able to provide any guidence. After that, the clan grows distant from Firestar, and although he runs to catch up they soom fade out of view. Not long after that, Firestar wakes up

Awake, and a bit frustrated, Firestar decides to join a hunting patrol to clear his mind. Snowfoot leads the patrol, taking the hunting party towards Twolegplace. The four hunters split off, and Firestar lingers as he tries to find a prey scent. A familiar sensation causes him pause in the midst of his prowling. He looks up into the canopy above, spotting Skyclan's leader perched in an elm tree not far off. Firestar runs to get closer to him, but the ghost cat turns with a wave of his tail, then leaps through the trees in the opposite direction. Firestar takes this as a sign that he should follow

Thunderclan's leader is led a different part of the forest, near Tallpines. Here he finds Pebblestep and Longtail ((who does not go blind btw)) holding down his sister, Princess. The two cats question the kittypet's motives, while Princess ignores them, insisting that she see her brother. Firestar commands his warriors to step off of her, and although reluctant they obey. Afterwards, Firestar sends the patrol away so he can speak with Princess alone.

Princess is relieved to see her littermate. She explains the reason for coming so far onto Thunderclan territory is because she believes she'll have to join the clans. Firestar is confused, asking why that might be. He asks if something's happened with Princess's housefolk. Princess assures that her housefolk are still around, and still treat her kindly. However, the reason why she thinks she has to live in the forest is because if the strange dreams she's been having

Princess goes on to explain that in her dreams, she keeps seeing a cat beckoning her into a dense forest. And sometimes the cat tries to coax her to follow him alongside a river, while many cats follow behind them. Princess goes on to describe that the following cats always wail out in agony, suffering. She wants to help, and she knows the strange cat-who she reveals to be the same gray and white cat Firestar's been seeing-is asking that she assist, despite her being unable to hear him.

With these dreams occuring so often, and the recollection that Firestar had been beckoned into the woods by his own dreams, Princess concludes that Firestar's warrior ancestors want her to become a clan cat. Firestar thinks that it's probably not what Skyclan's ancestors want of her, although he finds it strange that they're showing up in his sister's dreams.

Firestar goes on to assure Princess that she won't have to leave her housefolk. Princess seems disappointed by the news. She admits although she was scared of the idea at first, she'd grown to be comfortable with the destiny she thought she'd have to follow. Now, after having all those dreams, she didn't mind the thought of going to live in the wild.

Firestar contemplates about the idea of accepting his sister into Thunderclan. But before he makes a final decision, he asks to go home with her. He believes that maybe if he sleeps in Princess's garden for a night he may get more answers, and find out why Skyclan has been appearing in Princess's dreams

At Princess's den, Firestar starts to sees signs of possible Skyclan life in the small fenced in territory. The den sits in a slight dip, with bushes dotted here and there within the garden. As he examined the area, Firestar thought about how he'd set up a camp if he ever had to find a new one for his clan. This leads him to believe that Princess's den might be built right on top of where Skyclan's camp once. And when he settles down to sleep, Firestar awakens to see that he was correct. His dream reveals how the camp once was, and shows a vision of a giant monster coming to plow right through it, sending trees toppling and terrified cats scattering. Amongst the terror stood Slyclan's leader, calm, collected. He stepped forward through the vision of what had become of his clan's territory to talk to Firestar

The cat introduces himself at last as Cloudstar. He gives a brief tour of where everything in camp used to be. He then tells Firestar about how Skyclan has broken up. It still lives within the bloodlines of the cats decended from the clan, but Skyclan as a whole is no more. Cloudstar has come to ask Firestar to help bring his clan back together. He recites a familiar prophecy, the one that once held Firestar's destiny. Only, it sounds off when Cloudstar speaks it "The embers of fire will save our clan". Cloudstar takes it that means Thunderclan's leader can help him. Although overwhelmed, Firestar agrees to help

When he wakes, Firestar tells Princess of his dream. Then he tells her that he's going to leave to find the place Skyclan broke apart. Princess insists she come on the journey with him. Firestar denies her. But Princess is insistent. Skyclan came to her dreams too, they called to her just as they did to Firestar. She wants to see this through, to gelp Skyclan reform. Firestar finally gives in, amd accepts his sister's company. He tells her he'll come to get her in two days. Then after saying his farewells he leaves back to Thunderclan

Back at camp, Firestar prepares for his journey. He gathers Ravensong, Cinderpath, Graystripe, and Sandstorm; his most trusted allies. He tells them of the journey he must take, and informs them about Skyclan. He trusts his friends to take care of the clan while he's away.

Sandstorm gets worried about letting Firestar go off on his own. Firestar explains Princess will be with him. But Sandstorm insists that makes things worse. He shouldn't go alone without another warrior. Firestar agrees. In fact, he decides to ask her to come along. Sandstorm happily agrees. The other cats ask who will be left in charge, then. Firestar asks Cinderpath if she would become interim leader. Cinderpath accepts, but is worried that she too may need help. She has kits to take care of now after all, she can't watch the clan on her own.

Ravesong gets an idea, leaving shortly and returning with Goldenflower. Firestar calls the medicine cat a genius. Goldenflower is a brave, intelligent, trustworthy cat. She's perfect to help watch the clan while he and Sandstorm are away. Firestar lets Goldenflower in on the conversation, explaining everything again so she can understand what's going on. Once everyone's caught up and in agreement, everything is set in stone: Cinderpath and Goldenflower will take charge of the clan, and Firestar, Sandstorm, and Princess will go to restore Skyclan

The next day the mates head out to collect Princess, and begin to travel up the river along the path Skyclan once walked. The journey to the gorge is exactly the same. Actually most of what happens from this point on in the story remains the same, except there's no drama with Sandstorm because of Spottedleaf. And when Sandstorm goes missing Firestar has Princess to help him and keep his spirits up

From this point on a majority of the book is the same, with minor changes here and there to fit Princess into the plot. In fact, Princess has a lot to do with this book, and Skyclan. When Firestar starts giving cats warrior names, Princess requests to have one too. She likes Skyclan, she's come to like living in a clan. So, she'd like to become an offical warrior. Firestar feel great pride and joy for his sister, and without hesitation he names her a warrior. Firestar grants his sister the name Emberflower

As the Thunderclan cats spend more time with Skyclan, training the new recruits, and setting things up, Sandstorm occasionally complains of feeling weird or unwell. But she doesn't let anything stop her. She continues to fulfill the same roll she does in the canon books. Later on in the story, after Firestar's found Skyclan's new holy place, and has brought them Echosong, their medicine cat, its time to figure out who is going to be leader.

Echosong's leader dream is vastly different than the one in canon. She tells Firestar that she awoke into a white forest clearing, with snow blanketing almost everything in sight. But through the blankness an orange flower stood out, appearing just ahead. As Echosong approached it, the flower seemed to crackle with embers. When she'd gotten a good look, the medicine cat awoke. Firestar helps to interpret this dream, and the pair come to the conclusion that his sister Emberflower has been chosen as Skyclan's leader.

The pair swiftly break the news to Emberflower, and although she is nervous, she accepts her destiny with open arms. That night they take her to earn her nine lives. Firestar and Echosong dream with Emberflower and watch her ceremony. By the end of it, the two leaders are given a prophecy by the now deceased Skywatcher, the "Kin of Your Kin" prophecy. When the three cats awake, Skyclan has a new leader: Emberstar. At moonhigh, she chooses Leafdapple as her deputy

With nothing left for them to do, and with Skyckan restored to its former glory, Firestar and Sandstorm begin to say their farewells. Firestar is incredibly sad to leave his sister behind, but Emberstar promises that they'll see each other again some day. Sandstorm remarks that she hopes this is true, and that hopefully Emberstar will be able to meet her soon to be born nieces and nephews. This is how Firestar finds out Sandstorm is expecting. The three have a good laugh and finish their goodbyes. Firestar glances over his shoulder once last time to look at Skyckan's camp. Emberstar stands at the edge of the camp, head high with pride and confidence. Beside her, Firestar can see the ghostly starclan figure of Cloudstar postured the same way, a smile on his glimmering face

Back at home, the story's epilouge is pretty much the same. Sandstorm lays in the nursery, with not two, but three sleeping newborns. Two mollies and a tom. Firestar and Graystripe are there to see them, smitten with their new little family. The new parents think hard about names for their kits and finally choose the perfect ones. Graystripe chooses Squirrelkit's name for her coloring and the shape of her tail. Sandstorm picks Leafkit for the second molly, naming her after Leafdapple. Finally, Firestar chooses the name Emberkit for his son, in honor of his sister. As he looks on at his kittens, Firestar's reminded of the prophecy he received. He's excited to see what life will hold for his children

[lampoest]

by request from @yeessha

Mission Impossible Fallout Thoughts

Like before: cursing and spoilers !!

short logos nice !!

oop starts with lane talking, always a win 😼😼

why does lane have a beard in this dream?

ooh dramatic nice !!

probably one of my favorite openings

this is badass

hhh its my favorite anarchist:)))

ooh cool name

ofc it's about nuclear warfare why not ??

nervous benji = win

sjshsjsgs

that man reminds me of elon musk :\

cant tell if that was tryna be a pg way to say 'fuck off'

where dat money luther ✋🙄🙄

what was that scream !?!

*throws plutonium*

cool car

ooh the shadows on that guys face

man this scene is really good

BENJI STAY WITH THE FUCKING PLUTONIUM WHAT-

well shit-

oh hey that news guy

pulling a sneaky on him

i also love this scene sm

literally everything about the nils delbruuk scene

:0 so cool

benji got to wear a mask >:))))

sjshsjsgsjs they made a bet on it i love that

ethan is very cool

HELL YEAH THEME SONG !!

i can never take hunley seriously

ooh she pretty :))

this movie has great lines

i also love how it goes in depth about moral choices

WALKER YESS :)))))))))) HE SO PRETTY😳😳

also she pretty too :))))

i just realized why former presidents still are protected

i like how they curse more

bro why is walker so :)))))))

btw this is just gonna be me simping literally everyone

the height difference

HALO JUMP HALO JUMP HALO JUMP

ugh fuck off walker you may be pretty but replying with 'crystal' naw fam✋😬😬

yes because we can die

oop they be falling

i dont think that would work but ok if you say so

not even worth it

i couldnt tell what they were saying until i put on captions

although i dont need any captions to understand the french 😼😼

the faint beat in the background v cool

reflexes

breaking things

chekhovs gun

shdhgdhshdjdhdjs why-

dis why you use the needle

damn he beating the shit out of them

ooh its ilsa

ethan why-

ooh she pretty too 😳😳

alright uh badass female is great

that man reminds me of a toddler

strong accusation coming from a terrorist

shsjdgsjs he wearing arm pads like the toddler whos mom is overprotective

WALKER TOO PRETTY:)))))

oop change of plans

LANE LANE LANE LANE

YES MY MAN :))))))))))

motorcycle chase pog

BENJI IN SUSPENDERS BENJI IN SUSPENDERS !!!

well shit-

eyy he killed some dudes

again walker, no one cares

oh dang she has to be careful, her aim is not the best

R U N

vrrm vrrrm

LOVE THIS SCENE YES

you can tell ethan is trying so hard not to punch lane rn

dang lane really flipped the interrogation hats off man

also i lowkey agree with his message. not his method though-

oop pretty ladies

also ethan killed 4 of your men maam

telepathy

SKDHJSJSJSHS YES THIS SCENE LANE SO PRETTY :)))))))))

i love how lane is just standing there vibing while they talk to hunley

benji dont worry youre great

wait i just noticed that benji's outfit is so cool-

skdgdjshs

walker is cool tbh

ILSA !??

this seems awfully familiar

im working on it

its a trap !!!

benjis wtf face there

oop tea ????

im paying attention to outfits so i can recreate their styles

oop i love how it focuses on walker there

true true

sticking up for your friend

no hes just here because they needed more pretty men

waiting for a diversion

in because HE IS LARK MY GOD ETHAN

ALSO THE LITTLE HEAD NOD I CANT-

stole han solos line there

matching jackets😼😼

how did they swap them ??

and how did lane go along ??

chekhovs......knife ??

wow he really fell for it

also more cursing pog

my two favorite characters together :)))))

CHGJFGSJ I CHOKED ON MY WATER KESUS CRISP

....oop i done fucked up

hunley being all cool and shit

benji being all cool and shit

lanes look of dissapointment is 🤌🤌

like damn bro you fell for that !??

lark

he really tryna lie out of it

ooh her-

whyd he say that-

oop betrayal

i love how benji is the first to drop his weapon

so cool

yeah wait where the hell is lane ??

rip hunley

whyd they treat his death like the death of a lover or smth

first wedding crashers, then funeral crashers, what next ?? birth crashers ??

the most tom cruisey sequence ive ever seen. some comedy some crazy stunts and a broken ankle but still finishing the take

chair theft pog

also i love how not just in this scene but before you see helicopters flying around

hes just hanging onto the elevator and the look walker gives him is top notch

ooh blackmail

this feels like the glass box scene. his foes are getting away and there is nothing he can do

its mission impossible for a reason

tea time with luther

ilsa is a good friend

benji is the mvp here

dang im just realizing how pretty ethan is 😳😳

keep your eyes on the road

luther is great, this is all just a luther appreciation post

they-

they-

they all just copied walker's beard

oh no its julia

ah yes one of the bombs

i like how it actually does take about 15 minutes

uhh no❤️ tom cruise why must you feel the need to do this

LANE :)))))

again why does he feel the need-

walker :)))))))

julia is pretty cool

hes just like: what the fuck how- why-

airspeed ah yes the most important part of not dying

this is a julia appreciation post

what was your plan after that? the detonator would just be at the bottom of that lake

the expressions walker makes :))))

hehe bitch

well shit he has a gun

his hair !!!!!

some star wars level action here

bro benji listen to ilsa

sjsgsjgsjsvsjs this shouldn't be so funny

bro ilsa listen to benji

benji stop wasting time

probably last time but, lane !!!!!

found the other bomb

very true statements from walker

other ? bomb ??

no personal space

ooh uhm lane maybe please dont-

the way he just pops his head into frame like: what the fuck was that ?

no sir you didn't survive that. that is false

i love how she clearly has the same fighting style as before

no benji no smooth brain move

mr lane do your shoes need shining ?!?

dey see me rollin-

ofc he gets burnt why the fuck not

uuuhm what✋😀😀 when the hot oil started spraying i felt a drop of what felt like hot oil on my finger. i am in my room and there isnt even water in here. im scared

also how tf is that holding his weight

chekhovs hook

team work makes the dream work

dang keep believing lane keep thinking that ✋🙄🙄

hes still pretty

so close oh no

why do things just magically stop at the edge of cliffs

kesus crisp ethan not again

i love his shoes though -

what if the hook missed though ??

esploded

thats a no from me dawg

his meniachal little smile shdgsjsgsj

its an action film he'll have it

aww lane so sad :((( oh yeah and 1/3 of the world is saved too. good job ig.

THEY PUT MY MAN IN A TRUNK NOOO >:000000

i like how they end as friends not as romantic interests. v nice

i love how this movie highlights the importance of friends but not in a childish way. even as adults friends are important. they are there for you when no one else did. i like that message.

alright thats pretty much it. sorry that its just me simping pretty much. in conclusion this is my favorite movie 14/10 but i can't wait for the 7th movie.

[scav-eng-er]

So..my thoughts on TROS

Spoilers. duh.

So..being on here, I obviously dove HEAD FIRST into the spoilers and seeing what I saw, i. was. pissed. The kiss kept me literally on cloud FUCKING 9 for a good 30 min until I went farther in and saw the fall of one of the most beloved, developed and interesting characters in the sequel trilogy. So going into the  theater, I was already angry and disappointed in the writers, JJ and anyone who thought this was how the Skywalker saga should have ended.

Then, while watching, I began to understand some (and I mean VERY FEW) things as to why they went the way they did. 

Rey Palpatine

I fucking rolled my eyes when I heard this, like I thought this was such a poor and cheap move that they made Rey related to Palpatine. I was like “she is supposed to be the image of hope and light for the new age of jedi and future generations.” Then watching the movie, I noticed that she was always so headstrong, and sometimes reckless with her emotions, her power and trying to keep a level head. Even in TFA and TLJ, Rey would would jump right in the fight cause she was so passionate. There was that passion, which could be perceived as dark that pushed her to whatever she did. And then the inner struggle with accepting her family and realizing “holy shit, am i evil?” But the fight and her saying “I am all the jedi” sounds like (at least to me) “I am who I choose to be.” Her little vision of Dark Rey was also an indicator of what she could be should she choose to go down that path. She may be a palpatine by blood, but you can’t choose your family and they don’t define you. Even if she was a nobody, or a scavenger, with pauper parents, she can choose who she truly calls family.

So do I mind that Rey is a Palpatine? Not anymore, because I think her character can inspire others who had a dark background like her, and remind them that your family will never define you, only you can.

Even with the decisions of the writers for the way she ends up on Tatooine (basically another desert) with BB8, just like how we were introduced to her (which I didn’t like. she literally ends where she began), I will always love Rey. I knew she would never turn dark, but knowing that she has that darkness, like all of us (cause literally no one is a saint), she has control over it and chooses to be light. 

Reylo is C A N O N.

FUCK. YES. I WAITED FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS FOR THIS. This relationship and dynamic of these two incredibly strong characters is something I have been following for so long and will continue to do so when I rot in my grave. The chemistry between the characters and actors is so passionate to the point where I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. 

I see Ben and Rey and of course I think balance. Since seeing them fight in TFA and have this almost 50/50 chance of who would win, I fucking lost it when I saw how equal they are. They are so yin and yang it hurts. Rey is the light (yang) with that hint of darkness (when shes reckless, too passionate, her family) while Ben is (yin) with all that darkness with that spark of light (because he’s a fuckin’ solo lets be honest, it was always something that he struggled to push down).

They are literally the power couple of the century. I freaking love that they fight together and Rey has shown signs of being stronger than Ben. And does he feel insulted? Or upset because a nobody/girl/scavenger could potentially beat him? No. He is so in love with her power and passion that he wants to help her control it. When she blew up the ship? He was fucking BLOWN AWAY, like as if his heart eyes couldn’t get any bigger. 

And Rey just knows. She always tried to pull Ben out of the dark, and never wanted to give up on him. She stabs Kylo? The Supreme Leader and the reason so many are suffering all over the galaxy? She fucking heals him and in a moment of despair and sadness of both of them losing Leia, she tells him that she wanted to “Ben’s hand.” I think she told him this in hopes that he was still in there. With their vulnerability presented to one another, she took a chance that finally opened his heart with the death of his mother and talk with his father (cried so hard btw).

Finally, when we see Ben after their fight on the Death Star his scar is gone. Rey healed his scar, a symbol that was very Kylo. He tosses his saber, gets rid of his layers of (brooding) clothing and goes after his girl. Nuff said.

The Death of Ben Solo

I am struggling to write this. I could not. Believe. They did this. Not just to the fans, but to Adam. This is the only thing I couldn’t understand in the film. It WORKED. SO. WELL. We all literally knew something dramatic was going to happen, but it was either the kiss or Ben being redeemed (and still fucking living). I cried for two days when I saw what happened and then again in the theater. I brought a pair of sunglasses in a dark theater so I could wear them on my way out so no one saw me like jfc. Ben didn’t deserve that, Rey didn’t deserve that. The poor boy was practically swept into a world of darkness and abuse and never had a chance to break through until this girl, this “nobody” came into his life and helped nudge him back. I was actually glad Rey wasn’t 100% the reason he changed, like his dad, his mom - the ones who have been with him from the beginning - knew him and deep down, knew what he would do. The only who had to finally accept it was him. And he did when he went diving back to help Rey and defeat Palpatine. He definitely knew that he would be punished for the crimes and probably live a lifetime in jail, but I would’ve accepted that more than a (rather poorly given) death.

And I understand he did it for Rey. I do... kind of. But with an entire world/galaxy at your fingers, to write whatever you want to about the force (including this healing technique?), you’re telling me that he had to give all of his life to her? Couldn’t Leias sacrifice bring him back? I just think it was a cheap move. I can’t imagine how upset Adam must’ve been when he realized Ben’s fate. He thought of Ben as the “bad guy who think he’s the good guy.” He did such a good job of getting into the characters head that it probably felt like a piece of him died as well. He, and Daisy, I think didn’t want that to be the last we saw of Ben Solo. Also, shitty death..just poof gone. She didn’t cry, didn’t mourn. Her other half, literally 50% of her soul...gone. Rey will feel this wound in her that will never heal and that pain will always remind her of him, with his arms around her, the kiss, the first, real and true smile of Ben Solo before he fell. 

I’ll probably add more to this or something but that’s all I can get out right now, I’m still raw and recovering. I’ll post more stories in the future cause I have so many, but now, enjoy the holidays and sleep peacefully knowing that Rey and Ben love each other. 

xoxo my reylo fam

[thecreelhouse]

Kill the Lights // Chapter 2

Read chapter one here!

Steve Harrington x Original Female Character

Summary: After Violet- formally 003, a telekinetic, electrokenetic, and clairvoyant 19 year old- loses her first family, her first love, nothing is the same. She finds herself taken in by Hopper and El, struggling to find her footing and meaning to keep fighting. The Party, especially Steve Harrington, try to show her where her strengths have been hiding all along, and that no one has to fight their battles alone. Sometimes you don’t need to be rescued, but someone’s love and support while you rescue yourself sure doesn’t hurt.

Word count: 3,861 because I don’t know how to shut the fuck up

Content warnings: PTSD, self harm, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt (sorry y’all this chapter is heavy as hell, Violet has been through a LOT. but nothing terribly descriptive), angst angst and more angst, grieving, cursing, depression

Author’s note: okay so honestly, I was nooooot expecting anyone to read this at all, and when I saw a few people have read chapter one, it made my heart hella soft. This is something I’ve been writing in my head for over a year now, and once season 3 came out I wrapped it around that to pass the time at work or while on long drives. So thank you to anyone who’s read and liked this, y’all are the bomb dot com. Does anyone say that anymore? Nah? Okay.

Btw, sorry if sentences/paragraphs post out of order. Tumblr thought it was a grand idea to eat half of this post when I was copying it over from pages lmfao. Okay. Onto chapter 2! Enjoy!!!

———

Chapter 2: Slip The Noose

Amy was Violet’s first for a lot of things.

First friend. First person she could trust outside of the lab.

Taught her to drive for the first time. Helped her find her first job (a shitty diner waitressing job, but a job, nonetheless). Gave Violet her first home. Her first real home. Not a cold, sterile lab with sickening fluorescent lighting.

Amy was Violet‘s first crush. Violet‘s first kiss. Her first love.

That was something Violet assumed was normal. That anyone could fall in love with anyone else. She wasn’t raised among society, so she was blissfully unaware of how society treated anyone who was different. Amy told her, only for their safety. But Amy continued to love Violet, and Violet continued to love her right back.

What was a simple, mundane life shared among “friends” to most, was really paradise to Violet. Anything could be better than the life she was forced into at the lab. That was her personal hell.

Here, she could exist, without judgement. Learn what basic life skills Amy already knew for years, without being mocked or ridiculed. Violet, in return, showed Amy a sliver of a world she never knew existed. Not until she saw Violet use her abilities the first time. She admired Violet‘s courage to unapologetically own the brighter parts of herself. She also comforted Violet as the darkest parts of her past emerged.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was home.

Violet felt foolish for letting herself grow too comfortable in her new life. She thought the worst was finally over, the hardest battle already won. She never suspected someone still lurking within the shadows and among the people of Hawkins.

It was a year. That’s all she had with Amy. That’s all she had in this new life before it was torn so violently from her hands. One moment they were enjoying their corner of the world, their safety net. The next, Amy was taken from this life so suddenly. Violet still felt like she never caught her breath, even months later.

To the average person, it just looked like a tragic overdose of an addict once clean. To Violet, it was a rotten, multi layered lie. Amy never once touched any toxic substances... besides the occasional shitty beer, of course.

It was a sign. A threat, sent by someone from the lab. A big “fuck you” to Violet for escaping, and rebuilding her life. She was certain it was Brenner, even long after Hopper tried to tell her that he was dead for awhile now. She refused to believe that, even for a second. This wasn’t the dirty work of one of his colleagues. This had his name written all over it.

Hopper only offered to take Violet in once she revealed her number tattoo. She just had no idea that would lead her to where she was in hiding now- a cabin in the middle of the woods, on the edge of Hawkins, living with Hopper and his adopted daughter, Violet‘s sister, El. Another girl just like her. With abilities and a nightmarish past, just like her. She wouldn’t have trusted Hopper so easily if it weren’t for El and her story.

As for Amy’s body, she was buried in a simple gravesite, not too far from the cabin. Violet didn’t have the funds for a funeral, and Amy didn’t have a family outside of her partner after coming out to them.

It was a basic headstone that laid in the very back of the cemetery, among the others who couldn’t afford elegant resting places either. On the days she found it easier to leave her bed, she took flowers to her grave. Violets. Amy’s favorite, and the meaning for Violet‘s name, along with her new infatuation for the color purple.

Entering this new world, Violet loved how all the colors around her burst to life. Without Amy, though, everything had faded to dull, muted shades.

Some days, she wanted to find the strength within her to color her life back in. Others, she just really didn’t want to exist anymore. Not in a world where Amy wasn’t present.

Tonight, was one of those nights where she felt the latter.

The start of May; it had been a few weeks since she met Steve, and he’d been around a few times more since then, to pick El up or drop her back off. Usually for D&D nights and low key plans at someone’s house; Hopper was still wary about where she went and who she went with. He was especially more wary once Violet told him her suspicions that Brenner was still out there somewhere.

It was somewhere around 11 pm, when Violet heard muffled voices outside the door, talking about her again. She knew they meant well, but she was tired of everyone walking on eggshells around her, tired of everyone acting like she couldn’t hear their concerns. She heard them, loud and clear, just couldn’t muster up the strength to really start to heal.

When she felt like healing was useless, she went off on late night rides. Sometimes to visit Amy’s grave, sometimes to sit at their spot high on the cliff of the quarry, to stargaze. It felt empty to search the night skies alone, though. Other times, it was really just her driving around for hours, trying to clear her head.

Thoughts of guilt often floated around her mind; she felt the burden of being the reason of Amy’s cruel death on her heart every day. Being out and away was one of the few things that helped her cope with those thoughts.

Hopper didn’t like her going out alone, but she always brushed it off, saying she was hidden in the dark. Really, it was just that in these moments, when she needed release, she would self harm. Sometimes with sharp objects, sometimes with her own powers weaponized against her.

Violet wasn’t new to self destructive behaviors. It was her way of escaping mentally while physically stuck in the lab, too. It was the only thing she had control over, the only actions she called the shots on.

Brenner had to have noticed the scars over time, but why would he care? He wasn’t Violet’s real father, her real family of any kind. All he cared about was what he could gain by using her, and even that proved useless to him when he found out she could heal.

What good is a weapon of destruction if it can fix the very damage it causes?

Violet felt worthless for as long as she could remember. It was getting better with Amy by her side, but she’d be lying if she said their relationship made her pain go away completely. Amy knew of the self destructive behaviors, too. But after countless times of trying to intervene, she realised she could only do so much for Violet without Violet helping herself first.

So here she was, her skin crawled as she could hear hushed voices on the other side of the door, discussing if anyone’s seen Violet eat lately. If she’s had any water, if she’s slept at all recently and for how long. Her skin crawled with shame and disappointment, and her heartbeat was ready to bust open her chest.

Violet rolled out of bed, sliding her boots on, not bothering to change out of her shorts and tank top; it was another humid, sticky spring night in Hawkins. She shrugged her denim jacket on, and threw the bedroom door open. The conversation stopped, Hopper, El and Steve all looked over in her direction, and she felt her face grow hot.

“I need air.” She mumbled before quickly stomping out the front door. She slammed the screen door behind her before anyone could question her, and jumped on the bike. The engine revved to life, and she took a quick last glance in the side mirror, towards the porch. She saw El slam the door open and run out, watching with concern as she sped off.

———

Time didn’t exist when Violet was suffering. Time didn’t mean a goddamn thing when the pain weighed so heavy on her soul. She wasn’t sure how long or short she was driving around for, but like her body was on autopilot, she ended up at the quarry cliff.

The sky was clear, stars freckling among the deep navy void. The moon was a crescent, but still shone bright, acting as her nightlight.

Violet was sitting on the edge of the cliff, kicking rocks off the side and watching them fall, fall, fall fast down below, into the murky water. This was one of those times where she didn’t want to keep existing, and existing in this moment felt like a chore. More than that. A punishment. Was this what she got for getting away? Maybe the lab wasn’t as bad as she felt. Maybe she deserves the guilt, the pain. Maybe she wouldn’t feel this heartache if she just stayed quiet and complied to what Brenner wanted.

“No. No, no, no. That’s exactly what he wants me to believe. He wasn’t family. That lab was never, ever home.” She thought to herself. This wasn’t the first time she wrestled with these thoughts, wondering if she brought it upon herself, escaping her abusers.

But that’s exactly what they were, abusers. Nothing better than that. So why did she feel like she betrayed her past?

“Get it the fuck together, Vi.” She mumbled to herself, her fingers subconsciously fidgeting with her small knife in the pocket of her jacket.

A few minutes of more mental wrestling and struggling, and she rolled her shorts up, whipped her knife out without a second thought, flicked the blade out, and immediately began to race it across the skin of her thighs. High enough to stay hidden, even with shorts on. Not like hiding it mattered much, not when she had the abilities to heal herself.

Violet let the wounds sting for a bit, her skin burned with pain. She never let the blood flow get too chaotic, just enough to feel it, before she would begin to heal. Even if she was an expert at treating and removing blood stains, it was still a bitch to worry about. So, the less mess, the better.

Violet outstretched her palm, letting it hover just slightly above the fresh wounds. A warm glow, followed by a soothing heat radiated from her palm, and into the skin below. It was almost instantaneous relief. The wounds began to heal and close up, as if watching a wound heal on a time lapse capture. All that was left behind on her skin were completely healed scars. Fresh scars, red and purple in spots, but still completely healed nonetheless.

“Stupid,” she mumbled to herself. She didn’t realize she began crying until hot tears fell down her cheeks. The crying that came with this seemed to hurt more than the self inflicted wounds. Violet was numb, so numb and so gone from the world. She felt herself emotionally float away as the stinging of her damaged skin still burned slightly. It was blissful, and she wished she wasn’t so goddamn addicted to the way it felt.

“What’s the fucking point if I can’t heal my heart? What’s the point if I’ll never heal enough to move on, to feel free? I want a life, I want a future, but how can I hope when it’s nowhere near in sight?” She thought to herself, crying harder now.

In the height of these moments was when she was the most destructive. She’s tried before, she’d try again, and continue to try to take her life when it felt this bad.

But, her attempts were always unsuccessful. It had to be the healing abilities, saving herself every goddamn time from the brink of death.

Some force so much stronger than her death wishes would yank her back to safety. Sometimes, she’d jump. Sometimes, she’d swallow pills. Sometimes, she’d try shocking herself.

The list went on. Nothing worked, though.

It made her even more depressed that she couldn’t leave this world when she wanted.

In the height of this moment, Violet pushed herself to her feet, took a few steps back, then a running start off the cliff. Her stomach flipped and her breath became short as she watched the rocks of the cliff whizz past her. The water was right there, she was so, so fucking close. She could practically touch the surface if she stretched her hand out a bit more.

And then it happened. Again.

Violet’s body was plucked against the force of gravity by an even stronger force. It launched her high into the air, high above the cliff, before gliding her back down quickly and onto her back on the cliff again. The wind was knocked out of her, and she coughed as she caught her breath, sprawled out on the ground.

“God-fucking-dammit!” She cried out while the tears started up again.

Eyes open but still swimming in her tears, she looked up at the stars. A blurry nighttime view above her, shining so beautifully, and yet here she is, wishing it would all go dark.

Funny, how her abusers thought her healing abilities were worthless, when they wouldn’t let her die. Not by her own hand, at least. Some would say that could be worth something.

To Violet, it was nothing. Absolutely worth nothing.

“Violet!”

Her head felt fuzzy; did someone call her name? Maybe this was just one too many times she’s ended up with a concussion after an attempt. She could be imagining it.

“Are you okay?!”

Her head lulled to the side, cheek touching the dirt and pebbles. Exhaustion began to blanket her; she could definitely sleep here if her eyes shut long enough.

“Violet, can you hear me?!”

Vision still blurry, her eyes began to close, until the strong force pulled her back up. It wasn’t until she blinked tears away that she saw it wasn’t a force, but rather, a person. Mind still fuzzy, she couldn’t make out who it was, just that it was a familiar male voice.

“We’re gonna get you home, okay? You’re gonna be okay, I promise.”

That was the last she heard before exhaustion took hold again, this time, for good.

———

“El, honey, give her some space.” A woman’s voice drifted into Violet’s ears. She didn’t recognize who it was. She heard small footsteps shuffle away. “How long has she been out for?”

“Just since the ride over. I really hope it’s just her being exhausted... I didn’t see any noticeable injuries.” The voice from earlier. She still couldn’t place it, but she knew that one.

“Okay, why don’t you grab the first aid kit from the bathroom, just in case. And some warm wet washcloths.” The woman said to the younger man, and more footsteps led away from them.

Violet’s eyelids felt so heavy. She wanted to open them, to see where she was, but she was just so, so tired. So drained.

In another room over, she heard a door open and slam shut, followed by the woman shushing the noisy individual.

“Sorry, I’m just... is she... ? Is she gonna-“

“She’s fine, Hop. Physically. I think she’s just extremely wiped out.” The woman cut off Hopper, who must have just came in. A sigh of relief left his lips, and guilt fell heavy on Violet once again. She felt terrible for always worrying him, as if he didn’t worry enough with keeping El safe and sound.

“It took a bit, but I found the first aid kit, and here’s the washcloths.” The younger man spoke up again.

“I can help.” El said, and gently began to remove the crusted blood around Violet’s nose. Violet scrunched her nose up.

“I’m awake,” she croaked out. “I’ve been... just hurts to move. Head hurts too...”

More sighs of relief filled the room as Violet fluttered her eyes half open. The blurry haze faded off her vision, revealing a room in a house she’d never seen before. El stood by her side, Hopper furthest away to them, with a woman she had never met before. In the distance between them and El was Steve.

“Where am I?” She whispered.

“Uh, Mrs. Byers lives closest to the quarry, so this was the safest place to get you to fastest.” Steve spoke up, looking everywhere but Violet’s eyes. She instantly felt shame, realizing he was the one who found her.

“Joyce is a good friend of mine,” Hopper said, noticing the panic on Violet’s face, “we can trust her. It’s alright.”

He stepped forward kneeling on the ground next to Violet as she laid on the couch. El sat on the edge, holding Violet’s hand gently. It amazed her how that child had experienced the worst of the worst in her short life, and still handled her surroundings with such care and grace.

“How... how’d you know?” Violet managed to ask, looking over at Steve. His eyes finally met hers. She tried reading his thoughts, but a sharp pain flashed through her skull. “Jesus Christ!” She cried out, clutching her head.

Steve gave her a sympathetic look before answering her as she relaxed again, “El told us. She was really the one who found you. She called a code red over the walkie as I was driving back home.”

“I hope it’s okay... We were just so worried, and I had a bad feeling when you left.” El chimed in. “I used my powers to find you. I’m sorry.”

“What?” Violet said, feeling awful that El felt she had to apologize. “El, please don’t apologize for this. I’m the one who messed up. You were just trying to help. You’ve just been trying to be there for me. You and Hopper both.”

“Vi,” Hopper started, “We just want you to be okay. And we know it’s going to be a long while before you will be. This isn’t something you can just simply come back from. But we don’t want you to feel like you have to fight this alone.”

El nodded along as her dad spoke, before speaking up herself. “Friends don’t lie.”

Violet knew this was the number one thing among the Party, her friends. One of the most important rules among their group. And she assumed El applied that to her, too. Violet teared up again.

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you guys. It’s just so hard existing anymore. I feel guilty for moving forward in my life.”

“That’s understandable. But you shouldn’t be carrying all of that on your shoulders.” Hopper said. “We don’t want you to replace your first family. But we don’t want you to think you’re not allowed to find another while you’re still here. You’re allowed to feel what you feel, but you have so much of this life to see yet. Don’t take that from yourself. Not this early.”

Violet chuckled, rolling her eyes. “Couldn’t no matter how hard I try. Every time I do, something stops me. I can’t even kill myself correctly.” She half joked, but Hopper knew she was still serious enough. “How much of a failure am I if I can’t even die by my own hand?”

“I think that something stopping your attempts has been you all along. Just... you looking out for you.” Joyce spoke up, half smiling. “Sorry, probably not my place to butt in, just know the support extends outside of the Hopper household too.”

“She’s right, y’know.” Steve followed, “There’s a whole group of us rooting for you. No pressure either, but we’re all here for you too.” She knew he meant the Party. Violet gave him the tiniest smile as a silent thank you.

“Stay as long as you need, by the way,” Joyce said. “I don’t want you heading back home until you feel okay enough to get up.”

“Thank you,” Violet whispered, and Joyce smiled before walking out of the room. She had such a motherly presence that she never saw on anyone else before. It was soothing.

Hopper patted Violet’s shoulder gently before getting up, “if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask. I’ll be in the kitchen with Joyce. If you‘re not feeling alright to drive home, we can leave your bike here till tomorrow.”

Violet’s face dropped. “Shit! I forgot all about my bike. Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

“Language, kid.” Hopper warned, mostly joking, though. “I had Joyce come with me while you were still out, and drove it back here while she drove my truck back.”

Violet sighed out of relief. “Thank you so much.” If she was forced to live through her personal hell here on earth, she should at least have it with one of the few things that still brings her joy.

Hopper began to walk out of the room when El said, hiding a fit of giggles, “I can’t imagine him driving a motorcycle.”

“I heard that, kid!” He called out from the kitchen. El couldn’t hold the giggles back anymore, and they were contagious. Violet began to laugh along with her. She looked up at Steve while laughing, a blush forming across her face as he joined in on the laughter.

As the sounds died down, Steve rocked back and forth on his feet before saying “I should probably head out and give you guys space. I’m really glad you’re okay, Vi.”

Violet shot up, a little too quickly for her dizzy head’s liking, before saying, “Wait!”

Steve stopped walking to the door, looking back at Violet.

“Stay.... please.” Violet spoke out, voice shaking a bit. “You watched me try to do something incredibly stupid and helped me.... it’s only fair I learn a little bit about you too, huh?”

Steve flashed a soft, but genuine smile in Violet’s direction. There was something about the way she was so direct about her pain that made him only want to learn more, and not just about the bad. The good, too. All of it.

“Yeah, after all,” he started. “It’s kinda tradition around here... building bonds and starting friendships over trauma. I’m all ears to your story too.”

El gave Violet a knowing smirk, and Violet gave her one back. “You can hang around too, kiddo. We got lots to catch up on.”

El reached over and squeezed her into a hug.

“Just,” Violet said, “Please take it day by day with me, guys. This isn’t going to be easy. It hasn’t been, and I’m fucking terrified. But I have to keep going. I have no choice. Just, be patient with me.”

El nodded at her words, squeezing her again. Steve nodded too, slowly walking over to the other end of the couch to sit with the girls.

“We’re here for ya’, Vi.” He said. “Remember, friends don’t lie.”

[portal-into-tsc]

Book Review: Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare

BEWARE: THERE MAY BE SOME SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW

This was my most anticipated read of 2020 and now I don’t know what to think. Of course, I loved the book, there were so many twists and turns in the plot and the Edwardian era seems like a time period you would truly want to live in with its fancy balls, mystery and the intrigue that surrounds it. I really do think that for the first book in a series it had a LOT going on. The Days Past chapters of the book really helped me understand the characters more, I like the way Cassandra Clare has added this new element to her book. As always, I loved the small things that Cassandra Clare puts in her writing that link to the other Shadowhunter series. She truly knows how to make you feel that you are living alongside the characters whilst reading.

Btw this whole review is mostly going to be a rant about some of the characters from here…

First of all, Cordelia Carstairs, you are the most wonderful character I have ever met. How can you be so understanding? How can you be so patient? I was absolutely shocked that Cordelia would actually do so much for James despite knowing that James doesn’t truly love her (well the matter of James loving her or not is just confusing). Throughout the series I felt like literally screaming in James face ‘OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK AT THE GIRL WHO TRULY DESERVES EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD,’ but alas, I couldn’t do that. Cordelia just has so much trust and faith in people that she will not give up no matter the circumstances. Her relationship with her friends and family is admirable. Also, all hail Cortana. I love that sword too much. After the Dark Artifices Cortana became my favourite weapon in the whole Shadowhunter Chronicles. Just seeing how much potential that sword has and how Cordelia is absolutely amazing with it just takes my breath away. Right now, if I had to choose who is the better character, Emma or Cordelia, it would definitely be Cordelia. She is sharp, intelligent and understanding, her character is so strong that she may take the place of Tessa as my favourite female character, depending on how the series goes. Now about James Herondale. I found his character extremely perplexing. James possesses the goodness that Tessa has and he was kind but I guess we didn’t get to see him as he truly was until that brief time, he had taken the bracelet of. James seemed like the character you would like but when he had the bracelet on, I absolutely hated him. I wanted to like him, wanted him to have the light-hearted humor that both Jace and Will had, but no, James himself wasn’t sure of who he was and that was because of the bracelet. I mean if he was, he would understand that there was something wrong with the fact that when he had the bracelet on, he seemed head over heals over Grace, but when he didn’t have it on, he wanted to be with Cordelia. How could he not see that something was not adding up? How could anyone not see? Well Cordelia did notice that it was almost as if he was a different person, but shouldn’t have Matthew have stepped in, he knew that there was something wrong with Grace but shouldn’t he have done something about it and helped his parabatai?  About Matthew I actually feel sorry for him and I don’t blame him much for being so drunk all the time. There is this huge secret that he has and everyone knows that he is not happy, yet no one does anything to help him. Tbh Matthew and James don’t seem as close as Jem and Will or even Emma and Julian, who despite in love, fulfilled their duty as parabatai to its whole. I just don’t think we got the closeness that parabatai have with James and Matthew. I hope that changes in the next book though. However, when it comes to the matter of Lucie Herondale, I found myself really liking her. It didn’t seem like she was the person who would go away when you told her to or someone who was scared of doing the right thing and because of that she was one of the bravest characters in the book. She and James had a really good brother and sister bond and also since we get to see Lucie understanding her power throughout the book, seeing how strong she is makes you admire her more. I also like how she has Jesse to talk to and I can’t wait to see what she is planning to do to help Jesse, though I don’t like that she’s working with Grace to do it. I absolutely hate Grace. I personally think that she is a cold, manipulative person and if she really loved James, she would not bind him with the bracelet and prevent him from being with Cordelia. She could happily move on and if she really chose to, she could escape Tatiana without getting people to marry her. I personally feel no sympathy towards her and hope that she has nothing to do with James, Cordelia, Lucie and the rest of the Merry Thieves by the end of the series. But I guess that it is her twisted nature that makes her such a key character to the book so unfortunately, I don’t think she’s going anywhere anytime soon:( However, on a more positive note, I loved seeing all the characters from TID again and I really hope that we find out in Chain of Iron if Will and Tessa find out about James and Cordelia’s fake engagement. I really badly hope that something happens in the middle so that James is no longer bound through the bracelet to Grace and their engagement ends up being real.

I guess, all in all the ending of this book really struck me. I really thought that things were going to be much better for Cordelia and James but I guess in a way it was kind of worse. The suspense at the end has me itching for more. What is exactly the deal Tatiana Blackthorn has made with the Price of Hell? Has James truly been able to escape the shadow realm? And what is Matthew’s dark secret? Who did he murder and how? I just can’t wait to read Chain of Iron and I just don’t feel like I can wait till next March to get it! I rate this book a 5/5 stars because obviously it’s a Cassandra Clare book and even though the ending totally threw me, it just made the book way more interesting.

[canyouevencauseicant]

Stargazing (Peter Parker x Stark!Reader Imagine)

Request: “Hi idk if this will make sense bUT i’d like to request a peter parker x stark fem reader if that’s alright :) and maybe peter takes her out on a date and tony finds out and gets all protective and stuff but it ends w/ some kinda fluff moment? thank youuu :) !! i love your writing btw 💗” 

Word count: 2.2k

“Peter, are you sure we should be doing this? If dad finds out-”

“(Y/N), trust me! Mr. Stark won’t even know we left!”

“I think he’d know if he checks the cameras and sees his daughter leaving with his intern!”

“Not if we get back before he even realises we left.”

You weren’t convinced by your boyfriend’s statement. Your father, Tony Stark, Iron Man himself, would be the first to notice his daughter had left the Stark tower. Once upon a time, Tony was known to be a playboy. However, that all changed when you, his beloved firstborn, was brought into the world. When you were born, Tony immediately knew he was lucky to have been granted a second chance. A chance to be better than he had been. He had changed his ways the moment he became a father. So, of course he’d probably go absolutely ballistic if he found out you had left the tower. On a date, no less. 

You see, you and Peter Parker had been in a relationship for a couple months. The only problem was that neither of you had really told your dad about it. 

Tony had seen the two of you together a lot, but he didn’t know that your friendship with Peter had become something more than that. However, you knew how important the internship Peter had with your dad was to him. You had met Peter when your dad had brought him up to living room of Stark tower.

“(Y/N), I’d like you to meet Peter Parker. He’ll be interning with me for the next few months. He’s your age so I’m sure you’ll get along. Peter, this is my daughter, (Y/N) Stark,” You dad introduced the two of you, and you couldn’t help but smile as you shook Peter’s hand. ‘Damn... he’s cute...’ The little voice in your head said, but you brushed it off quickly, your cheeks turning a slight shade of pink. 

You dad had been correct; you and Peter got along pretty well for the most part, and things never seemed that bad whenever he was around. The two of you grew close pretty quickly, constantly joking around and giggling with each other. However, there always seemed to be something lingering between you both, something unsaid. That is, until, you confessed to Peter how you felt. You were shocked but delighted when you discovered Peter felt the same way in return, and since then, the two of you had been happier than ever.

However, even though Peter had huge respect for your dad and admired him greatly, your dad seemed to be putting him through the wringer. Peter would show up to the Stark tower with all sorts of cuts and bruises littering his body, but then, almost with superhuman speed, they’d disappear. It concerned you at first, but Peter consistently reassured you that he was fine and that the injuries were just a result of him being a clutz. You seemed to have no choice but accept that, but a big part of you didn’t believe it. You had seen Peter move with grace and speed unlike anybody else you’d ever met. So you figured there had to be something else that maybe Peter just wasn’t ready to bring up yet.  

“Peter... I’m not sure this is a great idea... I don’t like sneaking around dad’s back like this...” You trailed off, hugging yourself a bit tighter than before, a feeling of nervousness building up inside your chest. Peter, with his secret spidey sense, could tell and practically feel your change in demeanour. His own heart gave a slight jolt at your expression; he loved you so dearly and never wanted to see you look so conflicted or guilty about anything.

“Babe...” Peter spoke gently, bringing his hand up to softly cup your cheek in his palm, his thumb stroking your skin, “(Y/N)... It’ll be alright. Honestly, we can just go out and have a nice night on the town. If you don’t feel ready to tell you father, then we don’t have to tell him it was a date if we get caught. IF we get caught. Plus, this was my idea anyway. I’ll take the fall if it really is that big a deal.”

“No!” You exclaimed quickly, shaking your head, “No, Peter, I won’t let you do that. I know how much this internship means to you. I appreciate you saying that but it would destroy everything you’ve worked so hard for. I can’t let that happen. Not because of me. If...” You sighed quietly, caving in to your boyfriend’s wish, “If we get caught, I’ll take the blame and explain it. I’m Tony’s daughter. He might take it better if he hears it from me rather than his intern.”

After a couple moments during which he looked like he wanted to argue with you about that, Peter gave a soft smile before leaning forward and pressing the gentlest of kisses to your forehead as he whispered, “We’ll both explain it. That way we share the fall and hopefully it’ll turn out better that way.” After a second or two, Peter gave a soft chuckle before asking, “What did I do to deserve you?”

“You worked your butt off for my dad, apparently,” You replied, completely serious. After a moment of silence, both you and Peter started to laugh, your hand slipping down into his as you headed towards the elevator, towards a night out together.

*TIME SKIP*

You and Peter had had what may have possibly been the absolute best night of your life. First, the two of you went down to Mr. Delmar’s bodega to pick up sandwiches and sweets, but instead of devouring them on the spot, Peter took your hand and skilfully navigated and led you up onto the rooftop of some building in Queens. There, the two of you sat together, legs hanging over the edge of the building as you ate sandwiches and just spoke. About life, about the people in your lives, about yourselves, about each other, about the future, about anything you could possibly think of. Then, as if the heavens themselves heard you, the clouds slowly parted to reveal a beautiful night’s sky, filled with stars you didn’t think you’d be able to see in one of the noisiest, most light-filled cities in the world. It was absolutely amazing. You and Peter laid back, curled up together as you stared up at the sky, pointing out constellations and making up your own with stories to fit them, which more often than not caused you both to laugh until tears streamed down your faces.

Peter fulfilled his promise; it truly was one of the greatest nights of your life. 

“That was the most fun I’ve had in months. And I can’t believe it was just because of something so simple like getting sandwiches, which were SO good, and eating them on a rooftop followed by stargazing,” You exclaimed as you and Peter exited the elevator into the Stark living quarters. Peter, being the absolute gentleman he was, had insisted that he would drop you off at home and make sure you were safe. 

You turned to the young man you loved so dearly with a huge smile on your face and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek, followed by Peter gently kissing you on the lips for a couple seconds. Like every other kiss, it took your breath away and made your heart soar. When the two of you finally broke apart, you had a big, stupid grin on your face and you could see Peter’s cheeks had turned bright pink. As you prepared to say goodnight, you simply smiled bigger and softly said, “Thank you, Peter. Tonight was amazing.”

“I really hope it was,” A voice suddenly spoke up, and you both turned to see Tony standing there, leaned against the sofa with a scowl on his face, “Hi, yeah. You wanna explain to me why you just kissed my daughter?”

Peter’s face had gone pale as a sheet of paper, and he started to stutter, “I-I, M-Mr. Stark, I-”

“We’re dating, dad. We have been for a couple months,” You cut Peter’s stuttering off, your tone surprisingly calm as you explained, “We just haven’t gotten around to telling you yet. He kissed me because I’m his girlfriend.”

Tony’s expression changed maybe ten times in the span of a couple seconds, and you could tell he probably wasn’t taking this well. ‘Uh oh...’ The little voice in your head said, ‘This isn’t gonna be good.’

 A slight feeling of panic arose in your chest at the thought that this might cost Peter his internship (or worse), so you quickly spoke up again, “Dad, whatever you’re thinking, please don’t end Peter’s internship because of this. I was the one who confessed that I liked him first. Plus, I see how hard he works for you. He just wants to make you proud and works harder than three quarters of the people you have working for you full time. If you wanna punish us for sneaking out, fine, but not at the cost of Peter’s internship.”

Both Peter and Tony had fallen silent and were staring at you; Peter in shock and pure adoration, Tony in curiosity and silence as he contemplated what you had said to him. Then, your father suddenly took a couple steps forward until he was almost chest-to-chest with Peter, looking more serious than you had seen him in a long time.

“Listen up, kid,” Tony spoke quietly, but with a sureness and authority that nobody would dare to question, “I don’t have any problems with you dating my daughter.”

Both your jaw and Peter’s would’ve hit the floor were it physically possible. This was definitely NOT what you were expecting your dad to say, nor was it anything close to how you expected him to react. 

“(Y/N)’s a tough cookie and can handle her own,” Tony glanced over at you, a small smile on his lips, “ and I know that if you hurt her, she’ll kick your ass herself. She is a Stark, after all. However, I’m still her dad. So, once (Y/N)’s done kicking your ass, then it’ll be my turn, and I just might make you regret being born if you hurt my daughter. Understand?”

Peter nodded quickly, and you could feel yourself slowly starting to relax. That is, until Tony continued, “I don’t have any problems with you dating (Y/N), Peter.” He clapped his hand onto Peter’s shoulder, “You’re a good kid. But I do have one condition.”

At that, you saw Peter stiffen up, as though he already knew what was coming. You watched the interaction between your dad and him carefully, your gaze bouncing between the two of them as you tried to figure out what was going to happen.

Tony glanced over at you, his brows furrowing as he turned back to Peter and said, “You need to tell (Y/N) the truth about who you are. About your internship. Everything.”

Those words made you freeze up; both Peter and your dad had been hiding something from you all this time? You felt shock coursing through your veins as you tried not to jump to conclusions, but your mind had already jumped.

“W-What do you mean, “the truth”? What’s happened? Who are you, Peter?” You spoke up, your voice filled panic and fear. 

After a couple moments of not meeting your eyes, Peter suddenly turned towards you and looked you right in the eyes, his voice quivering slightly as he struggled to stay calm, “I-I... I’m Spider-Man. That’s what my “internship” really is. Y-Your dad has been my mentor, of sorts, showing me the ropes of being a hero. Oh, God.. (Y- (Y/N), I’m really sorry. I should’ve told you earlier, I just... I didn’t want to scare you or worry you, I... I just wanted to protect you. I love you  more th-than anybody, anybody, I’ve ever met, and with everything that’s been happening lately, I-I just-”

Your body reacted way before your mind did, and you suddenly found yourself grabbing the front of Peter’s coat and tugging him down and cutting him off with a passionate kiss. Both Tony and Peter were surprised; this was NOT the reaction either of them was expecting. When you pulled away, you let go of Peter and simply stated, “I always had a suspicion you weren’t just a clutz, Peter. Thank you for telling me the truth. I just wished you had told me sooner.”

The shock of the revelation that you were dating Spider-Man hadn’t entirely set in yet, but for now, you just decided to tell him what you were thinking; “I love you, Spider-Man. A lot.”

Peter looked so relieved that he could cry, and he cupped your cheek in the palm of his hand before pulling you in for another, passionate kiss. One that said so many unspoken things. ‘I love you.’ ‘Thank you.” ‘I trust you.’ ‘Forgive me.’ You weren’t totally sure how things were going to be from now on, but in that moment, you didn’t really care. You knew that you and Peter would be able to handle anything that came your way. You would fight alongside him, tooth and nail, and be there to patch him up and comfort him when times got tough. You and Peter could do anything. 

“Ahem. I’m still here,” Tony cleared his throat, causing you and Peter to jump and break your kiss, both of you blushing violently, “And that’s still my daughter you’re kissing. If you two could keep the PDA to a minimum when I’m around, that’d be great. Thanks.”