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neowinestainedress · 1 year

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HELLO REBS I'TS BEEN SOOOOO LONG I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!! Sorry for disappearing but a lot of things happened these past few months (one of them was SEEING 127 IN -ALMOST- FIRST ROW). HOW HAVE YOU BEEN SWEETIE?? I feel like my “review” will be longer than happier lol so be aware before reading it !! and btw im doing this at work cause I can’t keep letting time pass and not giving you my thoughts on this masterpiece

“It had been almost a year since they broke up” SHUT UPPPPP IM NOT READY YET “and Haechan should’ve been the last one to feel this way. Yet, here he was. Broken.” BTW FUCK YOU HAECHAN!!!! YOU DESERVE TO FEEL ALL THE PAIN IN THE WORLD FOR WHAT YOU DID

“It had taken him time, too much time, to realize what he had lost and all the pain he had put her through, and now the guilt was eating him alive.” THE SMILE I HAVE ON MY FACE RIGHT NOW I LOVE HEARING THIS DID I SAY FUCK YOU HAECHAN ALREADY?

“Haechan truly thought he didn’t love her anymore. He thought that his heart was detached from everything that had happened between them and all she used to mean to him. But he was hit by the realization when she started to show up with their group of friends at Jeno’s side.” God I hate him so much he’s such an asshole

“It was like Renjun got off seeing him suffer and loved to remind him every second how happy she was without him. His friend was smart, he never brought her up straightforwardly, not while he was talking directly to him. But Renjun kept saying how happy she was, how more beautiful she looked, how it looked like she had found peace.” OH I LOVE RENJUN SO MUCH HE’S LITERALLY A GENIUS

“For a while, he thought Renjun was lying, that she couldn’t be happier without him. But apparently, she was.” HATING TRAITOR’S HAECHAN IS NOT ENOUGH I NEED TO K!LL HIM

“Haechan started to suspect something was going on between her and Jeno when his best friend started spending his day on the phone, always with a dumb smile on his face. And Haechan wanted to fight him so badly but he knew he had no right to get in between their happiness.” …. Anyways don’t we all love jeno? <3

“He could only sit in silence and try to don’t boil in anger every time she sat on top of Jeno when they hung out all together.” Fighting the urge to say I hate Haechan or fuck him so I will say I love the fact that she sat on top of jeno literally my dream

“You okay?” He could hear Jeno whisper, his chin resting on her shoulder as he smiled at her. And Haechan felt a twinge in his chest when she looked down at him, nose scrunching up, smiling at him and telling him she was fine.” JENOO MY SWETIEE PIE

“That was his place. Or maybe not, because now that he thought about it, he never asked her if she was okay or if his friends were overwhelming. Now that he thought about it, he never let her sit on his lap, and caressed her hands, because he couldn’t stand being so close in front of his friend, too busy thinking about their judgment than thinking about loving her.” This part made me so sad like literally broke me ☹ the bare minimun... and i mean, i can maybe understand if he wasn´t comfortable with pda but he didn't even ask her if she felt okay like not even once?

“She truly was shining, and Jeno was so sweet with her, he couldn’t stop wondering if she had forgotten about him and what had been between them. And when their eyes met for a second and he couldn’t see her familiar gaze anymore, he wondered; did it mean she forgot about him?” LOVE that for her

“Jeno probably spent days telling her she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, and that was what she deserved. But Haechan couldn’t stand the idea that she told the same to him. He couldn’t stand that she did the same things she used to do with him.” I’m honestly so so happy that she could experience all these simple but sweet things which are actually VERY important in a relationship

“And when the show ended she ran to Jeno and not to him. They didn’t kiss, not on the lips, at least, but the way she hugged him tight and kissed his cheek was enough to make his heart fall on the floor and let an elephant step on it.” My babyyy she seems so happy and i love hearing that haechan is not :D

“It shouldn’t have fazed him, but Haechan felt his stomach twist every time. He hurt himself even more wondering how serious their story was getting. Was Jeno seducing her with the ‘eternal love bullshit’ he never believed in? Or were they just playing around? He didn’t think it was a way to make him jealous, but was it necessary to act like that in front of him? Acting as if he wasn’t there. Acting as if he never existed.” Yeah cause definitely the world revolves around him, fucking asshole

“And no other one-night stand could fill the void he felt in his chest. It wasn’t about sex. It wasn’t about a brief sparkle of happiness. It was about love. It was about the person of his life, then one he lost because he put foolish things before her.” I don’t feel sad for him it just that this makes me sad ☹ ☹ ☹

“He was once again falling into the hole she got him out of. And he needed her. But not because he needed saving, not because he could leave her again once he was out of that, he needed her because he loved her. If things cracked in their last months together he realized that the so-called ‘freedom’ he wanted to have was nothing compared to having her.” TURNS OUT FREEDOM AIN’T NOTHING BUT MISSING YOU WISHING I'D REALIZED WHAT I HAD WHEN YOU WERE MINE

“He needed to change. He needed to be better. He needed to grow.” ABOUT DAMN TIMEEEE I THOUGHT HE WOULD NEVER SAY IT

“She was his reason, not because he was crawling on the floor again, but because nobody else could ever take her place.” GOD I WILL START CRYING

“So, he was getting on his knees, begging for forgiveness, low eyes staring down at the rug in front of her door because he couldn’t find the strength to see the disappointment in her eyes.” He’s so pathetic (i love to see it).... AND THERE YOU ARE ON YOUR KNEES BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS BEGGING FOR ME JUST LIKE I ALWAYS WANTED BUT IM SO SORRY

“Do what?” She asked, staring at him, feeling her heart twist when he lifted his head and his eyes were red and glossy, and tears were streaking down his face.” My poor girl, must have been so hard for her seeing this

“Please, please, just one more chance,” he begged, voice broken, lips shaking and she had to close her eyes because she wasn’t going to let him have so much power over her ever again.” ☹☹ I’m so proud of her

“And that’s not my problem,” she replied sternly.” i laughed go off queen

“His lips started shaking. “That’s not true,” he mumbled. “You’re not happier. I know you’re not. You can’t be happier with him.” He’s so ughhhh it makes me so mad

“No, let me talk,” she stopped him, tone stern, leaving no space to retort. “Being with you it’s a fucking roller coaster. It’s always one step forward and three steps back. I don’t know if you love me, want me, hate me, I don’t know. I have no idea what will strike a nerve and get you mad.” GO OFF GIRL TELL HIM

“I know what I want now, I know I want you,” he replied, trying to reach for her but she stepped back.” I know what I want NOW… get him out of HERE

“And have you wondered if you are the one that I want? You got me — you — fuck,” she cursed, clenching her fist, and throwing her head back. “You got me so fucked up in the head. You have no idea how much you made me doubt myself. I couldn’t see myself beautiful anymore, I hated my face, I hated my body. I thought I was unfunny. I thought I wasn’t smart. And,” she sighed, wiping away the tears that were rolling down her face. “I hate you, and I hate myself so much because I gave you so much power. I let you take away everything of me.” THIS HIT SO CLOSE FUCKKKKK

“She lowered her head, and he couldn’t see her face, but he knew she was biting her lip to stop the sobs from rolling out.” My baby I want to hug her ☹

“I just don’t get it. You had me in the palm of your hand, Haechan. I was right there, I would’ve never left. All you had to do was stay by my side and love me, and you didn’t. You left me the second I wasn’t as interesting anymore, the second I felt like a habit, an old one that you hate. How can I be sure you won’t do it again? How can I be sure there won’t be another Bora?” HEY ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS STAY HAD ME IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND THEN WHY’D YOU HAVE TO GO AND LOCK ME OUT WHEN I LET YOU IN HEY NOW YOU SAY YOU WANT IT BACK NOW THAT IT’S JUST TOO LATE WELL IT COULD’VE BEEN EASY ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS STAY (LOVE this song so fucking much)

“She shook her head. “I don’t want us to become toxic,” she said. “I don’t want to truly be the psycho-obsessed girlfriend that you always believed I was, because I wasn’t, and I’m not. I need to trust you, and if I started doubting that, it was because you gave me a reason.” I just love her so much and she's truly so much better than me

“She chuckled, shaking her head, “Is it shade or is it the honest truth? You stopped seeing into my pain and started calling me crazy, and only when you realized what you lost you crawled back to me. Maybe if you went beyond, if you listened to my cries for help, we wouldn’t look like complete strangers having awkward conversations now.”” SJCSKLFK I love her sooooo much she's my role model from now on

“No, they weren’t dating. Not even if they spent so much time together, and their hands were always intertwined when they walked, not even if he often dropped her to work before going to his. Not even if her head rested against his shoulder when they watched tv. Not even if they stayed up all night to talk with each other.” STOPPPP IM GONNA CRY THEY ARE SO CUTE MY SWEET BABIES ☹

“He knew he still didn’t have a place in her heart, he wondered if he ever would’ve had a place there. But he tried his best to make her happy.” WE REALLY DON’T DESERVE HIM

“Did you have plans… with him?” She snorted bitterly, shaking her head. “So many.” This hurt me more than it should have.

“It was possible, she started to do it, but then Haechan came crashing down like a wrecking ball again and all the walls she started to build up again, fell apart.” Hahahahahahaha I don’t know if I should laugh or cry cause this is what happened to me…

“It had been six months now, and she was still making Jeno walk on a tightrope with her doubts and fears. She felt like shit, he deserved somebody that made up their mind, somebody that knew exactly what they wanted and she still didn’t know anything.” I need everyone who was/is team jeno to read this once again. As much as I love them together cause he treated her right, she didn’t give him half the love he gave to her and that wasn´t fair.

“When their lips brushed, they were both surprised, but they didn’t pull away, they stayed there, eye to eye, silently waiting for one of them to make the first step. And Jeno was the one doing it. He leaned in again, fearing a slap that never came. Her body relaxed in his hold and before they knew, the kiss heated up.” OH MY GOD IT HAS STARTED

“Need you,” she whispered against his lips, fingers tangling in his hair, tugging lightly.” you and me both.

“Jeno bit his lips, humming before hardly swallowing the saliva. “I just… I don’t want to rush it. I don’t want to make you feel like I only care about sex. I…” he sighed. I like you a lot, maybe I even love you, if I feel masochistic enough. “I care about you and I think you deserve respect.” IM CRYING HE’S THE SWEETEST GUY EVER I NEED A JENO IN MY LIFE

“To her it felt all so different, the only man she ever had in her life being Haechan. But Jeno dreamed of this for so long, maybe not this, he at least tried to don’t think of her in those situations but he still wanted her nonetheless. And she wasn’t a dream anymore, or his best friend’s girlfriend he liked so much. She was his, at least partially, but partially was better than zero.” "She was his, at least partially, but partially was better than zero” STOP IM CRYING WHY IS THIS SO SAD AND IT ALSO REMINDS ME OF A SONG BUT I DON’T KNOW WHICH ONE (i remembered which one... just a little bit of your heart by ariana: I KNOW I'M NOT YOUR ONLY BUT AR LEAST I'M ONE I HEARD A LITTLE LOVE IS BETTER THAN NONE)

“So good,” she cried out, throwing her head back, trapping her lips because somehow it felt embarrassing to be this loud with him. What if she let out strange sounds? What if she did something wrong? Maybe fucking with somebody you’re not that intimate with wasn’t that easy for everybody.” HELP WHY IS THIS MESDJSKLDJFL

“Wa-want you,” she moaned. “Please, Jeno. Need more,” she slurred when his fingers curled exactly where she needed them, pumping her wetness in and out with lewd sounds.” GIRL GET IN LINE… she's soooo real for this

“He didn’t add any words when he grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to him before sinking into her wet walls.” GOD WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN!!!!!!

“What do you want us to be?” (…) She didn’t know what to answer.” I feel so bad for jeno but I would also do ANYTHING to get railed by jeno so I guess the awkwardness is worthy

“It was listening to each other after a long day, hanging out at lunch when they had the same break and even wake-up next to each other in the morning when they were too tired to slip out of each other’s bed.” I need someone like this in my life I’m feeling too single while I read this.

“Falling into him didn’t seem as scary as it used to do. If she looked down there was a safety blanket, ready to catch her if the impact had been too hard, but she still held tight on that window from the tenth floor, terrified of the height that parted her from the ground. It was too soon. It was too good.” It pains me so much to read this cause I know exactly how it feels… and in the end you always end up sabotaging yourself

“Good, wanted you to hear it.” He CAN’T keep doing this I’m too weak for assholes ☹

“She scoffed. “Acting like you know me?” She turned around, staring at him, watching how his face was more relaxed compared to the last times they saw each other. What if things were changing? But what was changing? “I do know you. Better than anybody else does, and will,” he replied and she only turned over again because she didn’t feel like she had many theories to prove him wrong.” I literally had at least twice this exact same conversation with my ex and it always ended up with us hooking up bYESJDSKL

“So, you listened to me sometimes?” Her tone wasn’t mad, light enough that her words were followed by a tender chuckle.” Such a short and simple question but it means so much like the fact the she thought (cause it was true) that he didn’t even pay enough attention to hear her talk about her interest says a lot about their relationship or past relationship…

“I did, I just never showed you I listened,” Bye I want to fucking die this is the saddest part of the whole series im not joking

“Haechan gulped. He couldn’t tell her that was the place he ran to when he needed time alone, silently crying while he felt like shit because he missed her, right?” DESERVED

“And she couldn’t believe Haechan looked like a completely different person. Or, better, he looked like the same Haechan she had fallen in love with. Attentive and caring, genuinely interested in the things she was saying, and with a different glow in his eyes, a glow that five years ago he only reserved for her.” MY GIRLL… I want to hug her this is the bare minimum but honestly, she's just like me fr

“They talked and talked and laughed and it felt like in the air there was the same magic that surrounded them on their first dates. The cheap ones at the fast food that made them go home smelling like oil, or the ones sitting under a tree as they enjoyed the light spring breeze caress their faces, or even the ones at the arcade when Haechan still cared to teach her how to play games and wouldn’t get mad at her if she got her character killed.” Why is this my relationship with my ex sjdsfkd i swear i remember this exact same moment i had with my ex a while ago... guess i can say i remember it all too well “But I loved watching you. It was the only time you were yourself, without trying to impress others that never even cared about you. (…) I guess for you it made sense to be with someone like her and not me. We were fine until you started becoming more known and started meeting more people like them. (…) You started changing not only with me, but even with yourself.” FUCKKKKK this hit close cause my ex did something VERY similar especially with the changing and wanted to impress others part.

“Let’s go,” Haechan said, timidly grabbing her hand, surprised when she held his back and let their fingers intertwine. (…) “Do you trust me?” He asked, gathering all the courage in his body, terrified of the answer. (…) But the words slipped out of her mind before she could rationalize them. “Yes.” (…) He couldn’t describe the happiness he felt in his chest at her words and the enthusiasm with which he pulled her out of the small wooden house.” IM CRYING I LOVE THEM SO MUCH FUCK YOU HAECHAN FOR RUINING WHAT YOU HAD

“No matter how this was going to end, she didn’t hate him anymore. She felt safe and happy.” I GOT TEARED EYE AND SHIT I HAD TO REMIND MYSELF THAT IM AT WORK

“I will always remember all the small things about you.” I DON’T WANT TO KEEP LIVING ANYMORE

“Wearing their biggest smiles as their fleshes moved together as if they were made just for that. (…) When their lips met in a kiss, the magic exploded around them, making them fly in the sky before reality crashed on them again, the unrealistic bubble of happiness imploding, the strength so harsh that pushed them to the ground.” THIS IS IT IM UNALIVING MYSELF RIGHT NOW

“I’m trying to get you back. Like you told me. I’m proving to you that I love you, that I care about you. I’m not tricking you,” (…) Weren’t they fine just ten seconds before? Why was she so afraid? Why was he so hard to trust?” the audacity to even ask like… do I need to remind you what you did less than a year ago??

“You know what’s the problem? That you still love me, no matter how much you tell yourself you don’t, no matter how much you fuck with Jeno, pretending that he makes you feel the same. You love me still and you hate it. You hate that you know you will never be happier with anybody else.” FUCK HAECHAN PT. 2472439430 I mean he’s not wrong but the fact the says it with so much confidence like stfu we know already !! I want to punch him

“wrapping her arms around her chest, not even to shield herself from the cold but to support herself, a self-hug to don’t fall apart again” my baby, she doesn’t deserve all of this☹

“Don’t leave me.” The last words came out like a plead, or like a prayer, begging her to don’t ruin this perfect night together. He knew he was the problem, one thing good and three wrong, but he was trying to get better. He was doing it for her.” WHAT IF THIS WAS MY 13TH REASON?? He’s an asshole but my heart is too weak like I hate him but I also want him to change... you know deep down im always rooting for him ☹

“getting mad over a kiss that still could’ve been theirs if only he didn’t fuck it up” the way my stomach dropped and I felt that same void when im sad at this part.

“Can we keep dancing? Can we pretend?” He whispered, caressing her wet cheek, kissing her forehead, her eyelids falling shut at the tender touch. “At least for tonight, then I’ll promise, I’ll stop running after you if you already decided what to do. If you want him instead of me.” Nvm I have a knot in my stomach now this hurts too much

“Jeno, fuck,” she moaned, ass arching back to meet him halfway. His strong, fast thrusts already making her stomach twist.” MY STOMACH DROPPED (AGAIN) AT THIS I THOUGHT THAT SHE CHOSE JENO

“No? Are you sure this isn’t a sick game of revenge?” (…) She didn’t see the furrow on his face, the disappointed one, not the concentred one, eyes dropping off their usual light before he tried to snap back into the mood again, fixating his gaze on her ass. But it wasn’t enough to fool himself anymore.” And y’all still wanted her to end up with jeno... HE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS!

"He sighed, he thought that too when he hoped sex would lead to something more. “I know you don’t love me (…) “It was foolish of me to believe I could mean even half of what he means to you.” My pooor jenoo please he needs someone who loves him as much as he loves her

“Haechan wants me back, and I’m making him believe he has a chance because I want him to hurt. I want him to understand what it feels like to run after somebody like that, I want him to understand what it feels like to bleed for love.” Oh she’s SICK for this… love her so much

“Be careful of not making bleed somebody else in the meanwhile.” JENO PLEASE IM RIGHT HERE FOR YOU YOU DON’T NEED TO SUFFER FOR HER

“Why was it so difficult? And why was it so unfair?” girl it’s kinda your fault tho… you should have just told Haechan since the start that you didn’t want anything to do with him not the prove it to me shit

“Drunk Haechan was her weakness, especially in the last times, when he would let go of himself only if he had at least two bottles of soju running in his bloodstream and she could still take a glimpse of the same person she had fallen in love with.” The things I would do to see Haechan drunk

“I love you,” he said, looking at her while his body blocked hers on the door of the kitchen.” He’s so jdfkskfjskdl

“If you made up your mind you should just talk to us and put an end to this.” This is true, cause she’s the problem now she can’t keep leading them both

“I can’t find you in people’s faces,” Haechan snapped. “I can’t let you go, it would be so much easier if I could just… forget, but I can’t. I can’t because nobody makes my heart race like you do. It’s not fair, it’s like you put a spell on me to — to curse me, to make me pay for all the pain I put you through. I can’t have you back and I can’t win you anymore and I don’t know how to live without you and it sucks, it sucks so badly you have no idea.” This is honestly so sad he should have said all these things to her when they were together not after he fucked up

“You moved on, found someone new. Someone who brings out the better in you. (…) Because I don’t want you to be happier,” he confessed. “I hope you’re happy, but not like how you were with me. I’m selfish, I know, I can’t let you go. I know you found someone great, but I hope he’s not better than me. I want to see you happy, I just...I just don’t want you to be happier.” LOVE WHEN YOU INCLUDE PARTS OF THE SONGS

“You tore us apart. (…) “I know,” he whispered. “But can you tell me how to forget you? How can I make this pain go away? How can I go back home after work and don’t feel a twist in my chest every time I realize I don’t have you there? How can I stay in that place that we were supposed to call home and has nothing of you? How can I wake up every morning and don’t have you by my side?” WHY WHY WHY WHY DID YOU HAVE TO FUCK IT UP HAECHAN

“You can.” She lied. You can’t. Well, you can, eventually, you have to. But you can’t ever make that tingly feeling go away when you think of all the ‘could’ve been.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA totally fine with this.

“A gut feeling telling him that was their finish line, that she made up her mind and he wasn’t in her final plan.” I feel sick right now I have a knot in my stomach this can’t be happening… i WILL k!ll myself if this is it for them.

“How everything could’ve been different if only one thing had been different. Remember all the plans we made? How we wanted to rent a house together after college? How we were worried it wouldn’t have worked if you started touring around the world,” she chuckled bitterly, their nights spent together planning a future that never came replaying in her mind like the scene of her favorite movie. “Fixed the problem in another way.” A chill run down my spine honestly fuck him he made her suffer so much

AND IF YOU WANTED ME YOU REALLY SHOULD'VE SHOWED (...) BUT WE WERE SOMETHING DON'T YOU THINK SO? (...) AND IF MY WISHES CAME TRUE IT WOULD'VE BEEN YOU (...) BUT IT WOULD'VE BEEN FUN IF YOU WOULD'VE BEEN THE ONE (...) I PERSIST AND RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO ASK YOU IF ONE THING HAD BEEN DIFFERENT WOULD EVERYTHING BE DIFFERENT TODAY?

“I was also thinking about how much I hate you,” she said, caressing a strand of hair from his face. “We could’ve had it all. We could’ve made it work. And look at us, a mess crumpled up in a made-up bed in my living room while we talk about the ifs and buts. (…) Haechan didn’t answer, he only stared at her. How enchantingly beautiful she looked even if she was finding a way to tell him they were over. Again. It was like a stab on the same wound, but every time it hit deeper and made him bleed some more. He knew he deserved it and even worst. “I started to tear up know, I get her pain and her emotions and how much anger she must feel but I also get him and I really wish I wouldn’t so I would not feel this conflicted right now

“but she only smiled, and searched for his hand. “You should’ve told me more often when we were together.” Bye im crying so hard now thank god i was alone in the office now

“He kissed her, slow at first, shy, fearful, but then their hands tangled into each other’s hair, and ran on their backs, and pulled and squeezed, almost as if they were trying to rip parts of each other and keep them to themselves, forever this time. And none of them wanted to stop.” FINALLY OH MY GOD IM FEELING SO MANY EMOTIONS

“She hummed, hand wrapping around his hard cock, pumping it with the same rhythm he was using on her clit now that his hands were buried again between her thighs.” I USED TO PRAY FOR TIMES LIKE THIS

“Don’t tell the truth? Don’t tell that if you weren’t so fucking strong headed you would’ve crawled to me months ago begging for me?” there he goes… ruining the moment as always

“Think I can’t read you with my eyes closed?” (…) “You never proved it to me,” she replied, sniffling, heart racing and burning in her chest, the pleasure of the sex mixing up with the same, unbearable pain only he could put her through." They should have just fucked and then talked why are they running (MY) moment!!!!

“Only if you tell me I’m better than him,” he ordered, moving his fingers faster, making them curl right where she needed while his thumb moved in circles on her clit." God he’s so annoying stfu already

“She sighed, nodding, and staring at him. “When I wake up in the morning, I don’t want to find you here.” That was the biggest mistake they could do. And they just did it.” At this point I hate them both so much

“He didn’t, and not only that but he’s surprising me, he… He proves to me that he listened to me and my passions, that maybe I’m not as dull as he made me think I was and he’s once again fucking with me. I don’t know if I can trust him, I don’t know if it’s for real.” He was such an asshole with her that she’s surprised that he listened to her the bar is in HELL

“He… he’s a lot of things, okay? He’s sensible. He always encourages me, praises me, and tells me everything I need to hear. He respects me, my spaces, and my needs. And I know that I sound so ungrateful because I couldn’t ask for anything better than him but… I feel fine, I just feel fine…” AND I FEEL PERFECTLY FINE BUT I MISS SCREAMING AND CRYING AND KISSING IN THE RAIN AND IT’S 2 AM AND IM CURSING YOUR NAME YOU’RE SO IN LOVE THAT IM ACTING INSANE AND THAT’S THE WAY I LOVE YOU

“And isn’t that good? You know that love doesn’t require pain, right? You don’t have to suffer to feel something.” Need to print this and remind myself everyday

“I know, but I never felt pain with Haechan… not until things broke. I miss the rush, I miss what we had before. Jeno doesn’t bring the rollercoasters, the stomach twisting in excitement, the goosebumps on my skin… and I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing.” I get her I really do like when I first broke up with my ex I started dating (not really dating but i had a thing with) a friend (who also happened to be his classmate and they shared the same group of friends) and he was so sweet and treated me right, was very understanding and cared a lot about me but he just wasn't my ex… and everytime we were together I couldn't stop comparing him with my ex, and how I felt nothing with him compared to what I felt with my ex, I know it sounds so fucked up but it swear I didn’t do it on purpose so eventually (unconsciously or maybe not) i started avoiding him until i realized i couldn't keep doing that

“He makes me happy, and he makes me feel safe. I like him. And I like being with him but… I feel like there’s something missing. (…) “He’s not Haechan.” FELT THAT IN TWO WAYS: FIRST ONE BECAUSE I FELT THAT WAY ABOUT MY EX AS I EXPLAINED BEFORE AND THE SECOND ONE BECAUSE NO ONE IS HAECHAN NO ONE COMPARES TO HIM (at least for me)!!!!

“Maybe being aware of the pain we cause to others wasn’t as easy as she always thought, trying to survive every day we rarely see the bat swing we do around.” THIS

“I only had a glass,” he replied, lips curled in a smirk, and she had no idea if it was the confined space, or the music that could be faintly heard in the background, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. (…) And when Haechan moved close to her again, her breath faltered, eyes looking up at him, but this time she didn’t move. She let his hand wrap around her waist and the other rest behind her on the mirror.” SHE’S JUST LIKE ME FRRR

“I could make you mine again,” he said, staring at her. “I could make you feel so good.” PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU IM LITERALLY ON MY KNEES FOR YOU

“I didn’t forgive you, Haechan,” she said, shaking her head and pushing him away, reaching for the door before he could stop her.” NOOO WHAT HAPPENED I WANTED HER TO GET RAILED (AGAIN) ☹

“I don’t know what to do Haechan,” she whispered, head falling against his shoulder as his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her close. Her eyes closed as she inhaled his scent deeply. He smelt like himself, not like Bora, or some other girls. It was just him. Home. Or at least what once felt like home. “I want to strangle you, and then I want to kiss you. I want you dead, but I fear I won’t be able to live without you.” SAME!! And btw, I love this moment, the honesty, the intimacy without even touching each other like that

“I just… I wish to know why,” she sighed. “Weren’t we enough? Weren’t we the best thing that happened to each other? We had so many plans, so many dreams, and all of a sudden you decided they weren’t enough.” REBS WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME WHY WOULD YOU REMIND ME OF THIS AGAIN IM CRYING

“You should come inside, it’s cold here,” he said, looking at both of them, seeing that she was wearing his jacket. “Jeno’s looking for you. He needs to talk to you.” (…) “Don’t go,” Haechan stopped her, grabbing her wrist. “Hyuck, please, let me go,” she whispered, pressing her lips together. “If you love me let me go.” I WANT TO DIE

“And he did, fingers slipping away from her wrist, watching as she disappeared inside. (…) He tried to let her go, to don’t fixate his eyes on her as she talked with Jeno and then danced with him.” IM KILLING MYSELF TONIGHT EVERYONE IS INVITED!!!

“please’ idk why but this please broke me (even more)

“Haechan wanted to talk to her, there weren’t many steps to take to reach her, but they felt like miles now that he had a gulp in his throat, so texting her seemed like a better option, but she never answered. He couldn’t stand there and watch other pairs of hands run on her body, pulling her closer, feeling her in a way only he used to do. And now he understood even more how terrible it must have felt for her, how much seeing the person you love, give intimate attention to somebody else.” REBS WHY JUST WHY ABOUT TO THROW UP RN THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING IF YOU'RE DOING WHAT IM THINKING YOU'RE TRULY EVIL

“He couldn’t take away her happiness now that he had lost her. He should’ve started to deal with this, with the pain, with the boulder on his stomach, with the realization that he had lost her and it was all his fault.” Im crying so hard right now

“Haechan should’ve started to get used to this sight, Jeno holding her, hugging her, touching her, loving her, not more than he did, but surely better, because apparently, what he did wasn’t enough.” “NOT MORE THAN HE DID BUT SURELY BETTER” SHUT UP NO NO NO PLEASE SHUT UP AT THIS POINT THIS WILL BE MY 283275893236 REASON

“And he would’ve. From tomorrow. Not tonight, not now after giving her one last look and walking out of the house, feet dragging on the concrete of Seoul’s sidewalks. From tomorrow.” PLEASE NO DON’T GO PLEASE HAECHAN THE "FROM TOMORROW NOT TONIGHT NOT NOW" SHUT UPPPPP THIS IS SO PAINFUL

“It couldn’t have been so bad, right? If she moved on, if all of this courting didn’t move her at all after five years together, he, the one that led them there, should’ve forgotten about her in the blink of an eye.” I CANT STOP CRYING IM SO FUCKING SAD

“But as tears started streaking down his face, Haechan feared that maybe it wouldn’t have been so easy. That maybe starting tomorrow wouldn’t have been enough. Not enough time to take his feelings and throw them away. Not enough time to stop being selfish and keep alive the flame in his heart that wanted him to be the one she was going home to, the one taking her dress off her, the one she would lay her head on after. It wasn’t his place anymore.” NOTHING CANT DESCRIBE THE PAIN IM FEELING DO YOU HATE ME THAT MUCH??? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU REBS

“And the only person he had to blame was himself. He took her for granted, and now he was paying the price. Because no amount of flowers, chocolate cakes, books, or nights out, was going to take back all the pain he put her through.” EVEN IF I SAY FUCK YOU HAECHAN IS NOT ENOUGH. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING THIS IS NOT REAL I.NEED.THEIR.HAPPY.ENDING

“Another flow of tears started streaming down his face as he realized he wasn’t going to feel her lips ever again. He hoped Jeno was going to cherish every single one of her kisses. The gentle pecks on the cheek or forehead in the morning and before bed. The small, quick kisses on the palm of his hands when he told her they were cold. The long, passionate ones when they were making love. The cheeky one when she wanted something.” REBS YOU REALLY ARE THE DEVIL IN PERSON I CANT BELIEVE YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME

“And it was a small consolation that the night sky was crying with him, it was like a shoulder to lean on, as if the upper hands were telling him that maybe there was going to be a rainbow after this storm, that even if he screwed up this one, he was going to find another one, another one that simply wasn’t the one. Someone that wasn’t her. Tomorrow.” I WISH IT WAS RAINING RIGHT NOW TOO SO I WOULDN’T BE THE ONLY ONE CRYING.

“But tonight was going to be the loneliest as he walked alone without the best half of him. Only half a man carrying an empty shell in the dark, loud and frenetic streets of Seoul. People running back home barely paying him attention, reminding him once again how lonely you can be in this cruel world if you push the people of your life away.” ONLY HALF A BLUE SKY KINDA THERE BUT NOT QUITE I’M WALKING AROUND WITH JUST ONE SHOE I’M HALF A HEART WITHOUT YOU IM HALF A MAN AT BEST WITH HALF AN ARROW IN MY CHEST I MISS EVERYTHING WE DO IM HALF A HEART WITHOUT YOU

“He stopped. Voice sounding a bit too real for him to be playing tricks in his mind. “Haechan.” There she was, soaked in the acid rain, crying, looking at him while her lips quivered, and her body was shaking.” OH MY GOOOD PLEASE TELL ME IT IS WHAT I THINK IT IS

“What are you doing here?” He asked, incredulity filling his voice and eyes." IM HOLDING MY BREATH RIGHT NOW

“I was at a party, dancing with another man. A man I’m sure loves me so, a man I care about so much, too. And I could only think about you.” (…) “You said you can’t pass over what I did. You told me to let you go.” I HAVE NO OTHER WORDS IM REALLY CRYING SO MUCH (AGAIN)

“What’s the point of pushing you away if I look for you in every face? What is freedom if I can’t have you? Why am I forcing myself to believe that I can heal if I don’t have you?” GOD I WANT TO SCREAM SO LOUD RIGHT NOW IM FEELING SO MANY EMOTIONS

“You don’t have to take me back… as much as I want you, I can’t force you into this.” IM SO PROUD OF HIM REALLY

"She shook her head. “You’re not. I’m the reckless one that’s jumping into you again, because I would jump into you even if you were an ocean full of sharks, Hyuck. I’d jump into you if you were a volcano. And I know that right now, right where we are, it sounds so toxic and wrong and that Renjun will stop talking to me,” she dramatized with a light chuckle. “But I don’t feel alive when I’m with somebody else. They’re not you. They will never be you.” She really is just like me…

"When Haechan didn’t reply she got that she didn’t convince him, and smiled bitterly.” REBS STOP IM BEGGING YOU I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

“We did a mess, didn’t we? I let you treat me like that because I loved you so bad. I would’ve done, and I did, anything just so I could call you mine. I was your willing accomplice. And you know the funny thing? I’d do it all again. I’ll take you back any moment because maybe, after all, we were both going down but didn’t see it with clear eyes. Because we… we are not so different from each other, we are two cowards, we run away thinking things will fix themselves and then act surprised when they fall apart. But if I can’t have you, I see no point in wanting somebody else. Because after all you are and will always be my favorite crime.” (…) “I hate you,” she said with a smile on her face. “I hate you so fucking much Lee Donghyuck. You made me fall in love with your dumb self again, I was so sure you would’ve failed...You should’ve let this fall apart, you should’ve given me a reason to hate you but God...I’ve fallen in love again.” (…) “I love you,” he said, smiling back, reaching her, caressing her wet cheek. And kissing her. This wasn’t like their other past kisses, this was to seal a promise. This was to wash away the pain with the rain. To look at a brighter future that had rainbows shining in their sky.” THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF IM GONNA TATTOO THIS PART LIKE FUCKING FINALLY MY BABIES ARE HAVING THE ENDING THEY DESERVE (I DONT ACCEPT CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM)

“But if you do it again, if you hurt me half of what you hurt me this time, I won’t be so gentle. I won’t take you back. I hate feeling like I’m going down, Haechan. I can’t take the same pain of the last year together. I can’t deal, and won’t deal with cold stares, and small replies. I won’t tolerate made-up excuses. I’m not like I used to be, I now know my worth. I’m smart, I’m funny, I’m beautiful, I’m a shining diamond and I want to be all of this with you by my side. But if you’ll leave me in the dust again I won’t waste a moment leaving you forever. You lost me once, you won’t get me thrice.” YESSSS TELL HIM. I think this was a really necessary message that she needed to tell him before getting back together (this is NOT me trying to convince myself that they really needed to end up together)

“I need you,” she whispered, leaving kisses all over his face, gasping when he let her body fall on the mattress." girl get in line you're not special

“She could feel Haechan grin against her, his chuckle vibrating against her before he pulled away, replacing his tongue with his fingers. “You needed this, didn’t you?” It wasn’t a mock, more like a teasing remark that put his heart at ease when she hummed and nodded. She needed him. She missed him. And he was so unsure of that, that he couldn’t believe it was real and not a product of his fantasy.” LOVE MY BABIES SO MUCH

“You’re too… too good at this,” she confessed.” DO YOU MIND SHARING WITH US??

“She looked at him with foggy eyes, skin burning up as she stared at the way he was pumping his cock slowly.” IM GONNA DIE GOD WHEN

“With a low groan, he slipped inside, thick tip enough to light a fire inside of her and make her hands reach for his back, pulling him closer. (…) The world disappeared for real when he started moving with calculated and long thrusts, one hand supporting his body up and the other wrapped tightly around her hip.” I don’t really care if something good happened to you. It should have happened to ME instead.

“Haechan groaned, and obeyed, starting to suck on her collarbones and bite on her skin while his hands squeezed tighter around her skin, on her thighs, on her hips, everywhere he could.” WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN

“Mine,” he groaned. “Always have been mine, never stopped being mine.” IM SO TOXIC FOR THINKING THIS IS HOTSDLFKS

“She moved up with difficulty, pulling him close to her again, kissing his fears, and tears, away. “I’m here now. And I won’t leave if you won’t leave me behind. (…) Haechan sniffled, shaking his head because this wasn’t the time to be vulnerable. “I won’t. I won’t hurt you anymore, I promise.” THEY ARE SO ANNOYING BUT SO SWEET

“Her words were enough to push him over the edge. White cum spilling inside of her while his hips came to a stop against her ass.” GOD WHEN ITS ME AGAIN

“Want to ride you,” she whimpered, placing her hands on his chest when he calmed down and making him roll to the side.” SHE REALLY IS JUST LIKE MEEEEEE

“She hummed, hiding in the crook of his neck, staying silent for a while, enjoying his caresses and the way he was still filling her, lulling herself in the warmth of his body and the delicateness of his hands caressing her back while he whispered sweet nothings in her ears.” I WANT THIS TOOO IT’S NOT FAIR

“Now, it was fine like this, with the storm raging outside and their hearts beating as one, lulling them to sleep as they found peace realizing that with others they were happy, but together they were happier.” IM SPEECHLESS I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS THE END OF MY FAVORITE SERIES EVER I NEED AN ENTIRE PUBLISHED SERIES/BOOKS OF THIS I JUST WANT TO KEEP READING ABOUT THEIR STORY FOREVER I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND I GOT A LITTLE TEARED EYE KNOWING THIS WAS THE END AND ESPECIALLY SINCE THEY ENDED UP TOGETHER JUST LIKE I ALWAYS WANTED. I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER RELATED TO A CHARACTER SO MUCH IN A STORY I REALLY FELT SHE WAS LIKE MY TWIN IDK I FEEL LIKE I TOLD YOU SECRETELY ABOUT MY LIFE OR SOMETHING CAUSE SO MANY PARTS HIT SO CLOSE. I REALLY DON’T HAVE WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW THANKFUL I AM THE FACT THAT YOU WROTE MY REQUEST AND EVEN A SECOND AND A THIRD PART TOO!! LIKE WOW WE DON’T DESERVE YOU I CAN ONLY SAY IM SCREAMING CRYING SHAKING THROWING UP... THIS WHOLE SERIES WERE EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED AND MORE IT MADE ME FEEL SO MANY EMOTIONS AND ITS ACTUALLY ALMOST 5 AM RN AND I HAVE TO WORK TOMORROW BUT I NEEDED TO SEND YOU THIS!!! AND BTW I COULD WRITE A WHOLE ESSAY IN SPANISH ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVED THIS BUT I SWEAR MY (ENGLISH?) MIND IS BLANK RN SO I CANT THINK OF ANY MORE COMPLIMENTS TO SAY TO YOU BUT I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT I RATE THIS 2849375932472923801/10 I REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVED ALL YOUR WRITINGS BUT ESPECIALLY THESE 3 AND THEY WILL ALWAYS HAVE A ESPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART. I LOVE YOUR MIND SO MUCH IT IS TRULY SEXY MWUAH<3 THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN FOR EVERYTHING REBS! p.s: this took me veeeery long to write cause it was 14 pages long and i wrote a bit every time i had free time at work so again, i'm really really sorry for taking too long :( ilysm rebs<3 wishing you the best as always!

HIIII! It took me a day to reply because I was screaming crying throwing up while reading it all, you have no idea how long I’ve waited for this and I’m so happy to finally know your opinion.

I’m doing fine, a bit stressed cause graduation is close and I don’t know if I’ll be able to see the dream so manifest for me, pls. And you saw 127???? So close to the stage??? How was it???

“That was his place. Or maybe not, because now that he thought about it, he never asked her if she was okay or if his friends were overwhelming. Now that he thought about it, he never let her sit on his lap, and caressed her hands, because he couldn’t stand being so close in front of his friend, too busy thinking about their judgment than thinking about loving her.”This part made me so sad like literally broke me ☹ the bare minimun... and i mean, i can maybe understand if he wasn´t comfortable with pda but he didn't even ask her if she felt okay like not even once?

If I have to be honest their relationship at the start wasn’t bad at all, I just couldn’t go deep into details and explain what had been before but Haechan hadn’t always been an asshole I PROMISE. The whole problem was that Hyuck took her for granted and didn’t cherish her anymore because she was always going to be there (in his mind)

NOOOO this is another reminder that your ex is not Haechan he's not worth it

I SCREAMED no but true it would’ve turned toxic for him at some point, while now they can be friends (they are, they actually have a double date every Saturday, I know I'm the sky)

"She was his, at least partially, but partially was better than zero” STOP IM CRYING WHY IS THIS SO SAD AND IT ALSO REMINDS ME OF A SONG BUT I DON’T KNOW WHICH ONE (i remembered which one... just a little bit of your heart by ariana: I KNOW I'M NOT YOUR ONLY BUT AR LEAST I'M ONE I HEARD A LITTLE LOVE IS BETTER THAN NONE)

NOOO THE WAY I DIDN’T THINK ABOUT THAT SONG BUT NOW I DO AND IT BREAKS MY HEART

SAME

“What do you want us to be?” (…) She didn’t know what to answer.” I feel so bad for jeno but I would also do ANYTHING to get railed by jeno so I guess the awkwardness is worthy

No cause mood ??? the first what are we? from him and I'll be like Idk your dog? That’s fine by me

Yeah… ‘I don’t like that falling feels like flying til the bone crush’ and so you never even try to fly…

HELP NOT ME HAVING YOUR LIFE WRITTEN DOWN FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO READ

He didn't even notice that she needed more attention he just thought that was enough I kinda hate him for that but he doesn't do it anymore

I WANT TO HUG YOU

“No matter how this was going to end, she didn’t hate him anymore. She felt safe and happy.” I GOT TEARED EYE AND SHIT I HAD TO REMIND MYSELF THAT IM AT WORK

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF AT WORK

He’s a dummy, needs the recepities to be reminded every two seconds

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero… I guess

You dragging #teamjeno in the mud for me because I can’t say anything /j No but seriously, she never loved him. Liked him? Sure. Was she comfortable with him? Yes. But a relationship that was as deep as he wanted it to be? Absolutely nope.

I KNOW RIGHT??? Like I thought that especially with this it was clear that she wasn’t the naïve little girl at the start and knew what she was doing but apparently it wasn’t clear enough idk

Don’t get me started, please…

SPILLED!!! Only know you love her when you let her go...

This is so funny because I wrote this last part thinking about your reactions (I’m sorry) and the main reason I had to lead them both so much and drag her decision for so long was because I wanted to keep you on the edge I’M SO SORRY

PLS I’M CRYING

They’re a bit silly 🤪🤪🤪

“And isn’t that good? You know that love doesn’t require pain, right? You don’t have to suffer to feel something.” Need to print this and remind myself everyday

YES YES YOU DO we accept pain only in fiction (and Renjun best boy as always)

Unfortunately it’s not always easy to do the right thing, and I think outer people shouldn’t judge if someone has a hard time getting out of a bad relationship. We are human after all and we don't always love what is good for us

“I didn’t forgive you, Haechan,” she said, shaking her head and pushing him away, reaching for the door before he could stop her.” NOOO WHAT HAPPENED I WANTED HER TO GET RAILED (AGAIN) ☹

YOU’RE KILLING ME I SWEAR

Because I’m evil incarnate 😌

I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN IN THIS PART I WILL PAY THERAPY

Off-topic but I kinda snapped with this one like… WOW

I FEEL LIKE SHIT NOW MAYBE THERAPY IS NOT ENOUGH CAN I SEND YOU HAECHAN AT HOME AS PAYBACK?

NOT HALF A HEART I WILL CRY

THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF IM GONNA TATTOO THIS PART LIKE FUCKING FINALLY MY BABIES ARE HAVING THE ENDING THEY DESERVE (I DONT ACCEPT CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM)

WHY IS THIS ME LMAO

LMAO I LOVE YOU AND I KNEW I COULD TRUST YOU that was what I wanted to come across but apparently it didn’t, she didn’t let Haechan walk over her, she didn’t take him back easily and she was clear. I won’t write more parts but in the sour universe Haechan learned his lesson and they re-built their story from scratch. I could write until my characters die but I think the beauty in writing is that the reader picks up things and continues the story in their head, and I honestly believed it was obvious that they were going to sit down and have a serious talk, setting boundaries clearly and working on their flaws (as individuals and in their relationship). In my mind this story was much bigger than just #teamjeno or #teamhaechan, it wouldn’t have been fair for Jeno if she chose him out of spite and it would’ve been toxic if she took Haechan back immediately without making it clear that she now knew her value and as much as she loved him she wouldn’t have started crawling on the floor to get some attention. I know everyone is entitled to have their own opinion and I respect that, it just makes me a bit sad when people don’t get her character (like I don’t even care about being team Jeno or Haechan) is just that I can’t sit here and read that MY BABY is weak or a loser, she WAS a loser in 'enough for you' but I’m sure I gave her a character development. I think it's fine to not agree with her choice, probably if I was in her situation in real life I would've picked Jeno (honestly, I would've been alone because why would I date someone that loves me while I don't love them back?) but this is fiction, it's made up, and people can change truly unlike people irl so I don't see nothing wrong with giving chances in a story even if you wouldn't do the in the real world. Like you are the first example, what have I been saying to you? Don't let your ex put you down and don't take him back if 80% of the time you end up being hurt in some way, and your story is almost a copy of theirs.

“Mine,” he groaned. “Always have been mine, never stopped being mine.” IM SO TOXIC FOR THINKING THIS IS HOTSDLFKS

It’s Haechan if he wants he can have me on a leash I wouldn’t complain (just kidding… unless)

“Want to ride you,” she whimpered, placing her hands on his chest when he calmed down and making him roll to the side.” SHE REALLY IS JUST LIKE MEEEEEE

Can’t relate i’m too lazy you won’t catch these words slip from my mouth (with Haechan…maybe…MAYBE)

IM SPEECHLESS I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS THE END OF MY FAVORITE SERIES EVER I NEED AN ENTIRE PUBLISHED SERIES/BOOKS OF THIS I JUST WANT TO KEEP READING ABOUT THEIR STORY FOREVER I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH

WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME CRYYYYY

And now the general reply (we both write so much help)

It makes me so happy to know you loved it so much, mainly because I unknowingly wrote so much about you (it’s creepy but cute at the same time). I’ll be honest with you, I wrote this part for you. At first, I was very tore between Jeno and Haechan but then I went with my heart (Jeno wasn’t even supposed to be a love interest, it just happened) and then I wanted to make it like you, the one who requested it, wanted it. I know it reached a lot of people (too many, I wasn’t expecting so much love for this fic and series) but without you, I wouldn’t have ever written it so in my mind it was like a gift to you because I poured so much love into these three (+ special Renjun mention, he will always be famous) so I owed you a happy ending. I’d love to read the Spanish rant but my Spanish is in very critical condition so let’s stick to English, trust me I can feel how much you love this. Just taking so much time to send me such a detailed analysis makes me so happy and I feel so full of love, I don’t think you truly get how much I loved reading your comments through the whole series and yes, I’m sad too it ended ☹ But I’m happy you got everything I wanted to convey, I knew you would’ve understood my baby (babies… all three of them I love them all for different reasons)

I hope you’ll love my future fic as well (+ remember that ask you sent about academic rivals to lovers? I might have started to write it, it will surely take some time but I love the idea too much to don’t even give it a try and maybe this one won’t break your heart so much) and I have two other Haechan fics planned (one it’s almost done and the other is still in the drafts) so I hope you'll like them too.

Thank you so much again, and take care!!!

ps: it's YOUR fault my Haechan fever worsened because now I can only write about him

#anon answered #💌 anon #fic: happier #series: sour universe

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familyagrestefanblog · 3 years

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Analysis of the Family Agreste Portrait

Quarantine strikes again and since the Agreste family portrait has fascinated me for a loooong while now I decided to put my thoughts into words and write another essay x3

The amount of informations we get out if it is amazing and its not only highlighting the absolute TRAGEDY it is that this family is about to face such a horrible fall out, it also hints at the former family dynamic before everything went to hell.

So make yourself comfortable and get something to drink, because we will be here for a while.

Here we go: My analysis of this beauty of a fictional portrait

Let's start with the most obvious one: Hawkmoth.

Its commen knowledge by now that the background makes it seem like Hawkmoth is standing behind the Agreste family like a bad omen waiting for fate to take its course and cause their doom. The portrait is brilliantly designed so the illusion is created that Gabriels body (here in a blue suit closer to Hawkmoths normals dark purple one) overlaps with Hawkmoths and a darker line is connecting the two faces as well, which rest on the same height right beside each other. The very same line grows bigger as it goes further behind Emilie - coloring her entire background - showing us that EMILIE is all Gabriel sees when he becomes Hawkmoth. But notice that Adrien on the other hand can hardly be concidered part of Gabriels “sight” at all.

Its forshadowing 101 and damn beautiful if I may say so. But this isnt what I want to focus on in this post.

I want to elaborate on two other key factors that tell us about the former dynamic of the Agrestes instead and what they tell us about the present and future.

The heart:

This is hitting me on another level because look at the heart these three form with Adrien right in the middle! He was so LOVED. This family may have never been anywhere close to ideal but still, there was LOVE and now he's gonna loose it all.

Adrien already lost his mother which led to his father getting even more distant and cold and now his father is becoming increasingly more abusive as he falls deeper and deeper into villainy. Gabriel was never a good father, the show has already made this clear with episodes like "the bubbler", “the collector” or "Gigantitan" for example but gosh there was hope for their little family! The end scene in "Jackady" portrayed it perfectly and I wrote a whole other post just covering the sigificants of Adriens and Gabriels hug in that episode. Check it out here if you want, it goes hand in hand with this one.

Miraculous is all about love and the completely different ways it can affect us, our behavior and actions. Because love isnt just wonderful, pure and empowering, it also can be twisted, destructive and cause the darkst nightmares. And with this family the writers know how to portray the complex love in an abusive houshold thats destined to go up in flames and they also know how to hint at their troubled past with the family portrait.

But this heart visual tells us even more in connection with the positions of their hands. And with these two key factors, lets start with Gabriel:

His hands convey it so strongly. He loves/d Emilie and Adrien so much and no doubt this love for them was certainly the reason why he started his quest as Hawkmoth. But he is now losing himself more and more in the pleasure of his villainy to the point where he forgets why he's doing it in the first place and becomes a complete monster (of a father). But this turn and spiraling into villainy didn't came out of nowhere - this root already had to be in him to grow like that. And this is also something the portrait indeed hints at as well.

Because Gabriel is the only one of the three who:

1. We see so completely open and without hesitation reach out and hold BOTH his family members.

2. Is visually “cut off” from them as well.

But this doesn't mean he was excluded and the only one who truly cared and loved, it just shows that things were more... complicated...as usual.

This is best explained with Adriens hand placements:

One hand is holding his mothers but the other one is visibly not reaching out for his father. But as we all know, that's not because Adrien doesn't love him. In season 1-3 it is made more than clear that Adrien does not hate his father - he loves him alot and tries to be there for him and be patient because he knows that the loss of his mother brought his father terribly down.

Sure, Adrien gets frustrated and angry with him, literally how could he not?? But Adrien tries his best to reach out to Gabriel so they can bond and come out of this tragedy stronger.

But this loving willingness to forgive his father for the chance of growing a father-son bond with him doesn't change the fact that these two didn't had a bond prior to this. And let's be honest here, does anybody actually think this distance between them was caused by Adrien? I don't think so.

So notice how Adriens hand - not reaching out for his fathers - is the only one in the portrait NOT inside or forming the heart.

When the connection of the hands between the family members symbolise their connection to another, then Adrien keeping the hand for his father away from the display of love is VERY telling. It tells us very directly what this distance did to Adriens side of the relationship. Despite Gabriels hand being right there, Adrien does not meet the gesture. And I cannot believe that he did it out of resentment, nothing in the show indicated such strong negative emotions from past Adrien.

It's much more likely that Adrien not reaching for his fathers hand is meant to show us that Adrien felt that he either CAN'T return the gesture because he fears that it'll end in an unpleasant reaction from Gabriel - that it isn't Adriens "place" to reach out to his busy and distant father like that, like it's demanding something - or Adrien simply didn't took Gabriel laying his hand on his shoulder, in the context of posing for a portrait, as a gesture of love and affection.

The way I interpret the portrait is that prior to Emilies dissappearence Adrien did not exactly try to reach out to his father the same way he did from s1-s3, which, I mean, of course wasn't the case. Not only is it NOT the 13 years olds (or younger) job to form an emotional connection to their absent parent - when that’s the PARENTS job - it also wouldn't be necessarily "needed" for Adrien to do so.

Because Emilie at this point was still in the picture so and she was the complete opposite. She was a (or maybe the ONLY) safe, reliable and loving constant of parental attention, affection and care in his life and because of these two HARSH contrasts Adrien learned from very early on to focus mostly completely on her in that regard while kinda blocking his father out.

That most likely wasn't even an active choice whatsoever - Gabriel proofed to be an unreliable resource so Adrien learned to subconciously treat him that way out of self protection. That doesn't mean he had any kind of dislike or malice against his father it just means that he wasn't able or allowed to connect with Gabriel the way he needed. Several episodes show that Gabriel deadass only parented like 15 minutes tops in his life with one of the worst offenders kinda being “Gigantitan” ngl.

So yeah, when I see that the portrait wants to tell me that prior to Emilies loss, Adrien - a 12-13 year old at most - is THIS used to rely solely on the strong bond he has with his mother and not even really reaching out for his fathers love, then I can't help but interpret it in the way that... Well... Gabriel was so distant and emotionally unreliable to Adrien for all his life, that Gabriel simply... wasn't needed by his son. Not at that point of time at least.

And while this may seem weird, because obviously Adrien only now starts to stop craving for his fathers affection and approval (which is btw a horrible, HORRIBLE thing and not something good. A half orphan losing the last remaining hope he had left of having the chance to finally get to form a bond with the only other parent he has left, just to be crushed by disappointment and abandonment all over again until he let's go, is REALLY NOT as much of a good thing people will make it out to be. This is... plain awful) it's actually quite logical.

Adriens hand outside the heart doesn't mean that his father meant nothing to him and therefore refuses to meet and accept his affection (that's literally the complete opposite of what the show shows us), it means that Adriens and Gabriels father-son relationship suffers from a fatal emotional disconnection caused by miscommunication/ a lack of communication.

And this was caused by Gabriel. How? Let me elaborate on that by going a bit far afield (cuz lbh we all have time for this. I’m writing this in quarantine and youre reading this is quarantine, so lets gooooooooooooo).

In "The bubbler" Adrien says that his father "always forgot his birthday", but I cannot agree with this in true honesty. Gabriel is controlling his sons entire life, calls him "the epitome of perfection" and temporarily truly gave up being Hawkmoth for him, he definitely never forgot Adriens birthday.

"The bubbler" even SHOWS us that Adriens perspective of the situation is actually not the truth:

This is Adriens first birthday after Emilies dissappearence and it's incredibly telling how Gabriel handles the planning.

What this entire little sequence tells me is that Gabriel is completely and UTTERLY used to NOT be the one to take care of anything related to Adriens birthday. So Emilie was always the one who did it but somehow - now without her - Gabriel apparently still hasn't even considered changing anything about that nasty non-involvement and just expected Natalie to pick everything up where Emilie left it.

Because let's be real here, knowing Natalie she would NOT have forgotten to get a present if Gabriel truly had told her to. Natalie is never presented to do mistakes like that but Gabriel on the other hand IS definitely presented to us claiming things about himself as ultimate, blameless and true when they simply do not reflect reality. A great example: Gorizilla

You didn’t even speared a minutes of your time for Adrien and he DID try to! Asshat… It's a problem guys. The lack of self awareness Gabriel displays in moments like this is legitimately concerning when you think about how deeply this man is falling right now.

But back to the topic:

Because even if Gabriel didn't even consider doing anything himself for Adriens birthday - not even taking the time to SEE his son (who just recently lost his mother, come on Gabe, really?) - one thing one cannot hold against him: he sure as hell remembered Adriens birthday like any decent parent would and it wasnt portrayed as a this-year-for-the-first-time thing.

And yet Adriens statement still makes complete sense. Because a big, BIG problem with Gabriel is just how much he takes things for granted. He EXPECTS things to be universally known and to never be doubted, just because that's how HE sees them. I will write 10 essays if it's needed to make people understand that Gabriel DOES truly love Adrien, it's just that Gabriel HIMSELF is such a rotten, twisted and toxic person that he cannot see how much his (oppressing) behavior and the way he (doesn't) express his love hurts Adrien and that HE is the one at fault. (for more, once again, read this)

Gabriel LOVES Adrien but he takes the love he feels as such a matter-of-fact that he just completely... forgets to show it.

And when we take Adriens words and look at the Family portrait it unfortunately seems that...

…. Gabriel ALWAYS forgot to show it.

Adriens hand - that should at least be reaching out to his father - is outside of the heart in accepting certainty. Because that's what Gabriels non-presence was for Adrien while growing up: an unreliable and unreachable certainty he had to accept early on as safer to not try to emotionally depend on too much or else he will get hurt.

So yeah, Adrien is the one in the portrait who is very openly not reaching out but only because Gabriel never gave him the needed affection and stability to be able to create that bond.

But let me correct what I said a little earlier: Adrien ALWAYS needed his father. Every kid, especially one in a bad situation like Adrien, does need their parents/friends etc as support system to become independent and confident in a healthy way. And if they don’t have that they WILL crave and look for it!

What Adrien has been doing up to now IS normal for a teenager - humans NEED affection, belonging and safety. What ISNT/SHOULDN’T be normal is Adriens disconnection towards his father in the portrait and just how much Gabriel fails to take care and BE THERE for his son in BOTH TIMES!

Collector:

Bother Christmas:

One thing I like about the show is that it portrays their young main cast with one very important truth: The psyche of a child/teenager of their age will react and adapt so it SURVIVES, even if it results in unfortunate consequences in other relationships and places. Thats the psyches main concern and it'll try to cope with the limited experience and development it has in whatever way necessary to get itself to the next day. A coping mechanism is not there to make you a better person, it ensures your SURVIVAL, everything else is a secondary concern.

So seeing pre-show Adrien not react to Gabriels touch and even feel completely unloved and disconnected from him is no surprise to me. Kids are incredibly observant. They may lack the needed experience and knowledge to truly understand that they deserve better and to stand up for themselves but they are masters in picking up red flags in people and can put this danger into perspective while comparing the different danger levels of their options of people and places to adjust their behavior.

Feast:

Stormy Weather 2:

So the broken connection between father and son we see in the portrait (that Gabriel doesn't even notice but Adrien fully internalized) isn’t there because Adrien “didnt needed” or wanted his father, its because Adrien NEEDED Gabriel so much in his isolated upbringing but Gabriel didn’t LET him need him - so Adrien had to adjust to that accordingly. Big, huge, ENORMOUS difference.

Honestly the most miraculous thing about Miraculous is that Adrien was able to bring up the strength to stay positive and friendly and to forgive Gabriel in hope for a better future. That boys situation is 7 kinds of depressing and traumatizing...

It's just flabbergasting to me how well this portrait shows how basically non-existent their relationship was at that point. And it's horrible to know that this estranged and unformed bond is all Adrien had left after Emilie dissappeared, just alot worse because after Emilie incident Adrien states that his father changed alot for the worse as well.

So to think that all Adrien had left wasn't even this former basically non-existent relationship with his aloof father - who would only barely show his true affection for his son because he's either not around enough to do so or he thinks it "unnecessary to proof his affection" for/to Adrien because he already thinks it so obvious and undoubtable.

Well he thought wrong. And GOSH, it breaks my heart!

So now comparing the "Gabriel" hand from Adrien with the one representing his connections with his mother conveys a pretty harsh contrast.

Because last but not least, let's take a look at Emilies hand placements:

But here is now an interesting difference to Adrien. Whereas we openly see that Adriens side of the Adrien-Gabriel relationship is completely disconnected from the heart/love - showcasing just how badly Adrien has always been neglected by his father - we don't see Emilies hand in her Emilie-Gabriel relationship AT ALL.

Once again just like with Adrien, this doesn't mean she didn't love her husband and that Gabriel was used and fooled by the woman he so utterly adored. It just means that from Emilies point of view things were a bit more complicated. What exactly this is, the portrait is keeping secret from us. We have no way of knowing if and how Emilie is returning her husbands gesture. All we can say is that if she does she is definitely not doing it in such an open and unconflicted way as she does with Adrien.

But since when has anything with this family been this easy?

One thing the portrait makes very clear, Adrien and Emilie had a strong and good bond. Definitely the healthiest because the Adrien-Emilie connection is the only one depicted without any kind of disruption from both sides. Both mother and son are reaching out for the other ones hand creating a whole half of the heart, showcasing their affection for another openly and without any of the implied doubts the other connections display. And honestly? Comparing all the hand placements, the one connecting Adrien and Emilie just comes across as strikingly pure and true (which makes it even worse that it was HER Adrien lost…)

As I said it's a HARSH contrast to the one Adrien shears with Gabriel. This contrast is highlighted even further by the way these three face on another.

Emilie and Adrien are positioned facing another and so are Emilie and Gabriel. Telling us that Emilie was "face-to-face" aka involved with both her husband and son. It is Adrien and Gabriel were this looks wildly different. These two have no way of seeing each other in the eyes the way they stand now/then, further displaying their deeply rooted disconnection. It's portrays perfectly how important Emilie was in this family dynamic, because even though Adrien and Gabriel bearly had a connection at all they at least had Emilie as a link between them, keeping the family together. But then they lost her and where this left both father and son off we know oh too well...

So to collect all the informations we get out if this portrait:

-Adriens and Emilies relationship was the strongest and purest. Both of their hands connect and reach out for another in the heart, showcasing that they had a loving and positive bond.

-Adriens and Gabriels relationship is heavily scarred by a deeply rooted disconnection leaving Adrien feeling unloved and unwanted by his father to the point where Adriens side of their dynamic is outside the heart altogether. Gabriel may love and adore his son just like he loves his wife and never thought he displayed his love for him in a lacking way, but fact is: this love never reached Adrien the way it should have and Adrien is the one in their dynamic who got severely hurt and damaged by it.

-Gabriel was the only one completely unconflicted and happily at peace with the former Family situation. He's reaching out to both his family members with open love and affection in blissful oblivion that neither his wife nor son could return them the same way (to different degrees for different reasons). Gabriel was the ONLY ONE in the Agreste family who didn't saw problems in their lives and thought them all happy, hence why he's so obsessed with changing the past and bringing THIS state of their family back. He was happy and he had everything he needed and loved right with him, of course he wants THIS back. He's not aware that Emilie and ESPECIALLY Adrien did not feel the same about their former situation and that bringing all of them back to this is not the perfect happy ending for their entire family as he thinks.

-Emilie may not have been as unconflicted with Gabriel as he was with her but she is NOT feeling the same disconnection her son feels and isn't depicted with negative feelings towards Gabriel. Her side in the Emilie-Gabriel relationship is neither shown outright positive as with her son or outright bad as Adrien with Gabriel. Her side of their bond is depicted through her unseen hand placement in the unknown area in between.

-Despite their not so unconflicted feelings towards Gabriel - and Gabriel himself being aloof - neither Emilie nor Adrien are actively trying to cut Gabriel out. They aren't flinching away from his touch or exclude him from the heart whatsoever. He's happily included, obviously feeling loved. They may not be 100% happy and Gabriel doesn't notice it, but they aren't denying him his happiness and make him unhappy. Again, he's the only one truly happy here. Something neither Emilie nor Adrien tried to take away from him.

-Emilie and Adrien are facing each other as do Emilie and Gabriel, implying the presence of communication and a bond. Adrien and Gabriel do not face each other, showing their disconnected bond. If they could see each others face Adrien would have been able to see that Gabriels hand is a gesture of genuine affection and Gabriel could see that Adriens expression does not exactly display pure happiness the way he thinks. This also goes for Emilie. Emilie just like her husband is placed BEHIND her son, so even if she is facing him she would not be able to really see just how much Adrien is not satisfied and truly happy with his life at that point (meaning how unhappy being looked up, friendless and at distance with his father actually makes him).

- This fascinating family makes me sad and I like it lol

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goodneighborxfallout · 3 years

Note

What are the companions reaction to sole using lingerie to impress them?

Btw Love your work

First of all, thank you for your request! And I’m really happy you enjoy my work! Second of all, I’m so sorry it took me this long to write it. I had a lot of trouble with Nick, Preston, Curie and Piper for some reason, so I’m really sorry this one will probably not be up to your expectations. But I hope you still enjoy it a little bit.

Also I assumed Sole and the companions were already together, let me know if that’s not what you wanted.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Cait

Walks in and freezes in the doorway for a second, but quickly composes herself, raises both eyebrows and smirks. “Well, this is a sight I don’t mind coming home to.” She won’t jump right into bed with you though, instead she’ll tease you by doing literally anything else she could in the room first, like checking herself out in the mirror, taking off her shoes, getting an outfit prepared for the day after etc.

Curie

“Sole! What are you doing? You must be so cold, no? Put on some clothes or you will get sick.” Curie will - unsurprisingly - not get your true motives, unless you’ve done it once before and explained it to her then. But even then she might have forgotten, or just be confused.

Danse

“Oh… god, I’m so sorry, I’ll give you some privacy,” Danse will say as if he has never seen you in lingerie (or even naked) before! “Stop acting like a virgin, Danse, we had sex yesterday,” you say while rolling your eyes. Danse will go bright red, but fully enter the room and close the door behind him, and once he gets over his embarrassment he’ll finally tell you how nice you look and get down to business ;)

Deacon

Walks in, stops right in his tracks when he sees you and just stands there for a while, contemplating how he should react. When you start to get nervous about the lack of reaction and open your mouth to say something, he’ll quickly cut you off by walking out. “Deacon??” You shout after him, surprised and afraid he’s angry with you. A minute or so later, he’ll walk back in, this time with a book in his hand. “Sorry babe, forgot my book, you know I can’t sleep without a bedtime story.” Annoyed, you get up and throw his book aside. “I hate you sometimes,” you say before pulling a smirking Deacon into a heated kiss.

Hancock

Not fazed in the slightest. Pleased though! He’ll lean against the doorframe with arms crossed, and smirk mischievously at you. “What has this ghoul done right to get this lucky?” “You want the door open or closed? I don’t mind an audience, you know. Everyone can know how beautiful my baby is.” You’ll have to call him over to actually get down and dirty because if you don’t, he’ll continue to compliment and flirt with you. He just can’t believe you’re truly his.

MacCready

Mac walks into your room finishing the last page of the comic book he was reading. “Babe, have you read this one, it’s- oh… Guess we’re not reading this tonight?” “I mean, if you prefer doing that instead,” you say while getting up to put your clothes back on. Mac will instantly panic. “No, no, that’s not what I -“ You smirk at him and walk up to him to give him a kiss and he sighs both in relief and annoyance. “You’re the worst,” he says, making you laugh.

Nick

“Well, ain’t this a sight for sore eyes,” Nick will say in his usual “just commenting on the weather” kind of tone, but his raised eyebrows will tell you just how surprised he truly is. “Watch the enthusiasm, Mr. Valentine,” you say laughing. “I can almost smell your enthusiasm.” “Ah, sorry doll, you caught me off guard, is all. You look beautiful, as always. Now come here.” Nick prefers taking things slow, so no matter how long you’ve been together, he’d love to first take his time cuddling with you and kissing you before doing the dirty. And that is exactly what he intends to do.

Piper

“Oh wow, uh well, hey Blue,you’re looking really good in that pose, want me to take a picture of it? We can put it in the newspaper as advertisement,” she’ll tease, holding back laughter. “I spent two hours convincing Nat to stay at a friend’s place tonight and this is what I get?” You respond, acting offended. “Awh sorry Blue, but seriously can I take a picture?”

Preston

“Gener- Oh! Damn… uh, didn”t expect this sight when I entered,” he says but will stare at you in fascination without fully realizing it himself. “But do you mind it?” You ask while trying to hold back laughter at his heart shaped eyes. “Well… there are a few settlements that need our help but… I guess they can wait.” (I’m sorry, I can’t, I just ffffffffffff)

X6-88

“Oh, I think I’ve heard about this sort of thing before. I assume you’re trying to seduce me into having sex with you? Honestly, I’d prefer it if you just ask,” he’ll say very matter-of-factly. Don’t be too sad though, because honestly he really quite likes the sight. But that to X6 is the biggest problem. He’s scared human emotions will interfere with his courser tasks, so he tries to push them aside as much as possible.

#fallout 4 #fallout 4 reactions #fallout reactions #fallout 4 companion react #fallout companion react #cait #curie #danse #Deacon #maccready #hancock #nick #nick valentine #Piper #Piper Wright #preston #preston garvey #x6-88

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dreamywriterinthedark · 3 years

Text

Recess sobs and bedtime resolutions

Pairing: fem!Reader x Spencer

Request: Ok so the reader is a psychologist and is married to spencer and they have a 5 year old daughter who gets in trouble for punching a kid because they picked on her because they didn't beleive her dad was in the fbi If that makes sense any who if you don't write this i get it I just want to see speancers reaction

Trigger warnings: bullying, physical violence. (let me know if i forgot something)

Category: fluff, slight angst.

A/N: thank you so much for this request! I hope you like it. The daughter sounds a bit older than 5, in my head she’s in the early stages of elementary school. Let me know what you think about it! I’d be glad to receive some feedback. (Btw I hurt my own feelings writing this, you can’t even imagine...)

You were in your office, a typical Tuesday afternoon until you heard your office phone ring once more. You held up your finger to make your client pause what they were saying, you picked up the phone only to hang up.

“I apologise for the inconvenience. Now where were we ?” you said trying to get your client comfortable again despite the ringing. As she was about to speak up again, your cellphone rang, Spencer’s name lit up your screen and that’s when you were starting to get concerned.

“I’m so sorry I have to get that.” You said exiting the office to take the call. You were happy to hear your significant other’s voice nonetheless you knew he wouldn’t normally call you during working hours.

“Hi darling, is everything okay ?”

“No, not really. The school called, there’s an emergency.” he responded wrapping his scarf around his neck as he was making his way to the elevator.

“What happened ?” you asked getting more and more worried.

“She punched a classmate in the face. Can you believe it ?!” he pressed the button 0 waving goodbye to his coworkers.

“What ? Our daughter? Jane ? Are you sure it’s not her evil twin ?”

“Eviler twin you mean ? No offense, Y/n, but if she had one, I’m pretty sure you would remember…”

“Alright, I’ll tell my secretary to cancel all my appointments for the day. I’ll meet you there.”

“Love you, bye.”

“Love you too.” You answered before hanging up. You made it a little bit of a rule to yourself to never say ‘goodbye’ to him because you thought that if you did it may increase the chances of you never seeing him again. You knew it was a bit silly but with all those times he was close to death, you’d believe in any superstition if that meant he would get home safe.

After taking care of your client and letting your secretary handle the rest, you hurried out of your office to drive to your daughter’s elementary school.

You pushed the interphone button, once you were allowed entrance you walked to the principal’s office. You softly knocked, when the door opened it showed Spencer sitting in a chair right across the desk, next to it was an empty chair meant for you.

“I’m sorry, I came as I soon as I could.” you apologized.

“Well, I assume you’re Jane’s mother. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Principal Walker.” he greeted shaking your hand. As you sat down, Spencer gave you his best polite white smile.

“Do you know what you’re here for ?” he inquired.

“You said our daughter was involved in a conflict with a student...” you answered.

“Your daughter punched a student in the face.” He said bluntly.

“Right…”

“Are you sure it’s Jane ?” Spencer asked still struggling to believe it.

“Wait until you see her knuckles...”

Spencer put his face in his hands in defeat, you rubbed his shoulder to bring him comfort.

“What happened exactly ?” you asked.

“Well, it was during the 10AM break. Jane went out to play with her classmates when a boy started arguing with her. Next thing we hear is a scream, the boy is on the floor crying.”

You and Spencer both looked at each other with an immense look of stupor.

“The boy, did he bully her ?” Spencer asked trying to find some innocence in the sweet child of his.

“Not that we know of.” answered the principal.

“Is he okay though ?” you questioned.

“Yes, just a minor injury. He went back home.”

You nodded, “So what happens next ?”

“We are giving her a warning but the next time something like this happens there will be harsher consequences than a simple punishment. Understood ?”

“Yes. we understand. Thank you for your time, sir.” you said as you rose up from your chair. Spencer and you both exited the room finding your daughter in the waiting lounge looking guilty as ever. You saw Spencer’s face look puzzled and hostile. To torture your daughter with even more guilt you told her to ride back home with her dad which she did not love but couldn’t protest.

Spencer hardly spoke to Jane the entire drive. He was dry, so much it looked like he ignored her. Jane was desperate to get him to talk to her.

“Please, dad. Don’t be mad at me!” she exclaimed.

“I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.” those words he pronounced cut like a knife. You knew that by seeing her dad’s reaction she would become aware of the gravity of her actions. And he actually wasn’t mad, at least not until he saw her pouting face. He loved her too much to be angry.

“Okay but can you just talk to me!” she whined.

“Oh we will, back home with your mom.”

That car ride lasted longer for Jane than usual. No music, no anecdotes nor laughs, just plain silence and introspection while gazing at the landscape.

Your house was in the suburbs near a forest, Spencer had all sorts of scientific arguments as to why living near nature was beneficial but you just loved the paysage before your eyes when taking your morning coffee. The location was perfect; in nature which means less pollution, noise and lower criminal rates yet a short car ride from the city which was full of cultural spots and with high quality education.

Jane tried to run up the stairs in hope to avoid her parents’ correction but was interrupted by your strict toned voice; “Not so fast, young lady.”

She shut her eyes stopping dead in her tracks, she lifted her stuffed animal and said to it “It was nice knowing you, fluffy.” She then turned around and sat on the couch.

Spencer was pacing around, “Why did you do it ?” He asked his daughter his voice slightly higher than before. She started melting in tears which truly pained him. You walked up to her, as you were sat on the couch next to her you started stroking her arm and drying her tears.

“It’s okay. We’re just trying to understand why you did that. There’s no way you would’ve done it without a reason.” you told her.

“Jeremy kept making fun of me…” she struggled to get out whimpering.

“How long has he been making fun of you ?” Spencer asked.

“Since Valentine’s day when everyone was exchanging cards but my box was empty.” You glanced at Spencer in shock of how long you hadn’t known your daughter was getting bullied, silently suffering.

“Honey, I’m so sorry you had to go through this.” you reassured her kissing her cheek and running your hands through her hair. “But what happened exactly that made you punch him ?”

“He made fun of dad, he wouldn’t believe he was in the FBI.” She answered tilting her head up. “I asked him to stop but he wouldn’t so I defended myself.” she affirmed seeming not so guilty anymore. You unwrapped your arms from her giving her a frown.

“That’s not how you deal with problems.” Spencer said sitting on the low table across the couch.

“Yeah, you could’ve talked to us first but you didn’t even try. You know you can tell us everything ?” You backed him up.

“I know but I thought I could deal with this problem on my own. You guys always seem so good at it. And I want to be just like you when I grow up.”

You glanced at Spencer both slightly smiling at each other.

“If there’s one thing I learned from my job at the FBI is that violence is never the answer. It’s only justifiable if it’s legitimate defence; when you life is in danger.”

“Dad, do you still love me ?” she asked watching her feet swinging on the edge of the couch.

“Of course, I love you. I always will, no matter what.” he responded taking hold of her hand. “Okay?” She nodded. She didn’t seem to understand that punching someone is wrong. You needed to have a talk with Spencer;

“Now go to your room and do your homework, we’ll talk punishment tomorrow morning.” You said.

“But-“ she protested.

“No buts, go to your room.” You ordered.

You joined Spencer on the couch, he looked completely defeated. “Hey, are you alright ?” You asked him while taking a seat next to him. “Yes.” He answered a bit too quickly. “I mean…No…Not really.” You knew exactly why he was feeling like this. “It’s not your fault, Spence.” you reassured him playing with his hair.

“This whole time…And I didn’t know she was struggling. What kind of father am I ?”

“I come home every night and I didn’t know about this. It’s not because of your job, it’s not because of us. I’m blaming the school, here. They’re the ones who are supposed to prevent bullying from happening.”

He rummaged his hair with his hands whilst his elbows rested on his knees.

“Plus it’s a good sign, she doesn’t get along with kids her age…” you said slightly smirking.

“How?!” Spencer asks slightly irritated due to his public middle school flashbacks.

“It’s a sign of high intellectual potential. Her emotional age is too advanced for kids her age to understand, they tend to be too insensitive for her. She believes animals and inanimate objects have emotions and that they are intelligent. She talks to her stuffed animal like it’s a pet. She took the pepperonis out of her pizza! Also she has an enormous amount of creativity and she’s highly sensitive to her surroundings. Have you seen how she profiled your every move and suddenly her emotions followed ? Just like you she’s protective of the ones she loves. She only punched that kid because he wasn’t exactly talking highly of you…”

“So you’re saying…”

“Our daughter could be a genius.”

“As mother as daughter.” he complimented with a smirk.

“Oh come on we know who’s the genius here!” you said slapping his shoulder playfully.

You both chuckled. You kept talking for at least half an hour to come up with a plan you both agreed to. It’s not good for a child to watch their parents disagree.

~slight time lapse~

An hour after dinner, you went up to your daughter’s bedroom as it was her bedtime. You leaned on the door frame admiring Spencer, sat next to Jane on her bed, reading a story to her about conflict to teach her what to do in the type of situations she got in. He learned that from you since you were a psychologist. He admired how resourceful and clever you were. He couldn’t be more proud to have you as his significant other and the mother of his child. Your foot made a cracking noise on the hard wood floor which caught Jane attention.

“Mommy! Come!” she exclaimed shaking her little hands.

“What’s up?” you ask sitting next to the bed.

“Me and dad were reading this book you got me and now i understand. I’m sorry for not coming to you first. I just didn’t like what they said about dad.”

“Honey, it doesn’t matter what people think of you. Seeking validation from people can be so unhealthy. If you keep bottling up your emotions you’re going to explode like a bomb and that’s no good.”

“Can you forgive me, mommy ?”

“Of course. You’re still growing, as long as you learn from your mistakes I’m confident you’re going to be alright.” You answered squeezing her hand. Spencer watched in awe, it reminded him how in love with you he is.

“Yes, please don’t ever do that again!” he said a bit too quickly with a high pitched voice that made you all burst in laughter.

“Alright, you should get some sleep.” you told her giving her a kiss on the cheek and tucking her in; “Good night, my love.”

Spencer kissed her temple and set aside the little book he was reading to her wishing her good night as well. You walked out switching the lights off. As you walked down the stairs you asked Spencer to stop in his tracks pointing your finger up; Jane was talking to her stuffed animal. You both had to muffle your laughs. The future looked bright.

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cursedwriter · 3 years

Text

Cursed! - Gojo Satoru

Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist

Synopsis: After running some errands you’re caught off guard by a curse user. Unbeknownst to you, he has something up his sleeve that would mean a fate worse than death to you. How will you get out of this? And what role does your boyfriend - the Satoru Gojo - play in all of this?

Words: 2.6k

Author’s Note: Feeback is - as always - highly appreciated! I’d love to hear your thoughts! Requests are still open, btw!

“Hey, there. Are you okay?” You hesitantly approached a man who had just stumbled upon a protruding cobble stone on the sidewalk. The street lamps were just lighting up, signaling for another day to approach its end. The air felt chillier on your skin and you briefly wished you had taken a scarf with you, or at least put on a warmer jacket.

“I’m fine. No worries,” the man grunted and waved you off, but you didn’t stop, opting to check on him nonetheless.

“Are you sure?” Your feet stopped just a few inches away from him, hand already outstretched to help him get up and off the ground. Hesitantly, he reached out for it. His movements slow, but not in a timid kind of way. It was more like he was anticipating something to jump at him at any given moment if he touched you. As if he was scared you could poison him with a single touch.

Suddenly an uneasy feeling swept through your body. A shiver ran down your spine and the hair in your neck stood up. A familiar sensation overwhelming your senses. Blood running cold in your veins, freezing still, numbing your nerves. The chill of the night was suddenly no longer noticeable on your skin. Instead, the breeze felt almost warm now. This was the presence of a curse. An acidic taste spread through your mouth, making you swallow hard as you subtly roamed your eyes around the neighborhood, trying to find out where the curse could be hiding.

To your surprise, nothing seemed too out of the ordinary. The only thing that was ticking you off was that there were no longer any people in sight. It was just you and the man in front of you now. Everyone else had suddenly vanished. Cursed energy was flowing through the air, probably causing everyone else to feel uneasy too, hence why they left in a hurry. People relied on instinct much like animals did. So even though they might not know why, they could definitely tell when something bad was about to happen. Much like how animals could sense when a storm was approaching. Therefore, this really wasn’t all that surprising. What surprised you was that everyone else had been quicker than you to notice the alien presence in your midst. It was almost like someone had been concealing it from you specifically. That was what was worrisome. And then it hit you… the lack of a curse running around, you alone in an empty neighborhood with only one other man right in front of you and the fact that you had only been able to even sense the cursed energy floating around the moment you had reached out for him… This was a trap. A trap specifically designed for you.

Everything inside of you was screaming for you to run away. Just run. Run. RUN!

But you couldn’t move.

You couldn’t even retract your hand that was still outstretched to help the stranger get to his feet. You looked down at him. The shock in your eyes as the realization hit you must’ve been obvious, because as soon as he noticed the fear glimmer in your eyes, a menacing smile spread across his face. It almost looked like he was bearing his teeth at you.

Without breaking eye contact, he got up from the pavement, ignoring your hand and dusting his pants off.

“Ugh, the look on your face,” he laughed. “It’s truly hilarious, I wish you could see it.” His eyes lit up and he held his index finger in the air as if he just remembered something groundbreaking. “Wait, hold on. A right,” he laughed again, “as if you have another choice.” He stalked around you, reaching for your back pocket, hand lingering on your ass longer than was necessary in order for him to get your phone. Bile was rising up in your throat as you send a million death threats his way. You wanted to scream at him to tell you what he wanted, but even your tongue remained unmoving, pressed to the roof of your mouth. It felt like you had transformed into a stone statue.

It was obvious that the man in front of you wasn’t a cursed spirit. So he either had to be a curse user or, like Yuji, swallowed a cursed object and absorbed its power. Whatever he was, whatever he wanted, though, by the way he looked at you, it wasn’t anything good.

“Okay, now say cheese.” He held your phone in front of your face. It was close enough for you to reach out and swat it out of his hands, but much to your dismay, your body just wouldn’t listen to your commands. Everything you could do was stand there helplessly and watch as he did whatever he pleased. “Ah, right. Almost forgot, you can’t talk,” he shrugged unimpressed. “Well, no matter. This’ll do just fine.” The clicking sound of your phone camera rang through your ears. The sound completely out of place compared to the eerie silence that surrounded you.

The man turned your phone around to show you the picture he’d just taken. At first glance, you almost didn’t recognize yourself. Your eyes were blown wide in horror, mouth slightly opened in a silent scream.

“So, what do you think’ll happen if I forward that little picture of you and send it… let’s say, to your boyfriend?” He raised one eyebrow in amusement, gauging your reaction, obviously toying with you. “What do you think he’d do if I’d do that?” This guy evidently knew who you were and he also knew who your boyfriend was… Then why did he sound so delighted at the prospect of Gojo – the Satoru Gojo – coming here and probably tearing his limbs off? It seemed to you that he was almost counting on it. That he, in fact, looked forward to it.

Okay, so this guy wasn’t actually trapping you. You were just the bait and Gojo seemed to be his real target. Which got you thinking… Was he just another egomaniac thinking he could take on Gojo and defeat him and in return make a name for himself? Did he have a death wish? Or could he be that one in a million to have an actual chance at defeating him?

“It’s really not any fun when the conversation is this one sided,” he complained, scratching the back of his neck in thought. “Okay, because I’m in such a good mood today, I’ll let you talk. But no funny business, alright?” He held a daunting finger up in the air as if he was an adult scolding a child for misbehaving.

Suddenly your tongue felt loose again and you could move your mouth, though, the bitter taste remained. It felt like someone had poured acid down your throat, leaving your tongue to feel like sandpaper in your mouth. Except for that, everything remained the same. Not a single muscle in your body would follow your commands of making a run for it or, at the very least, get a good punch in.

“What the hell are you doing to me?” You croaked out, voice hoarse and cracking at the end. “What do you want with Gojo?”

“Uh uh.” He shook his head in displeasure, though, the sick grin on his face remained. “One thing at a time, love. Don’t get ahead of yourself or I might revoke your talking rights.” The way he referred to you as ‘love’ made you physically sick. And the way he talked so happily, as if you were old friends catching up on lost time, made you want to punch him all the more. What was his goal? What could he possibly want?

“Just spit it out!” Your patience was wearing very thin at this point. And though, it might be reckless to talk to this visibly crazy man in such a manner, you didn’t really care. You always had a problem with your temper.

“My, you’re a feisty one, aren’t you?” The man cooed in delight. He was still holding your phone tightly in his hand, looking through God knew what. Ugh, now you really wished you had put a password on it, but before now you never really had a reason to. You weren’t hiding anything in it, but still, it felt like he was roaming through your head while you had no idea what he was searching for.

“Aren’t you two just adorable?” He dangled your phone in front of your face again, fake sweetness dripping off his words like poison disguised as honey. On your screen was a picture of you and Gojo where he was kissing your cheek. Your face was flushed, totally embarrassed when Gojo made Fushiguro take the picture a couple days back. But still, there was this love drunken smile on your face, eyes glistening in a way that radiated pure joy. You remembered how happy you were that day. Actually, you were always happy when you were around Satoru. “You’re so cute together, it makes me sick!” He stood up straight again, nose wrinkling in disgust as he scrolled through your phone some more. “You know, you’re a hard woman to get alone. You’re always with him… Frankly, it was quite frustrating to watch you two be all lovey dovey. But here we are at last, right? So I guess, it was worth it in the end.” A throaty laugh escaped his throat, causing every hair on your body to stand up. So this guy has been watching you? Following you around for God knew how long? A shiver ran down your spine at the thought of all your intimate moments being tainted by some weirdo watching you from afar.

“So, what is it that you want from us?”

“Right,” he clicked his tongue, shoving your phone in his back pocket and out of sight. A small sigh of relief left your lips. Finally, it didn’t feel like he was digging through your head anymore. “You see; I was in love once, too. We were as happy as you can imagine. Our future together was already within reach.” Suddenly the man reached forward to hold onto your shoulder. At first it seemed like he needed the additional support to keep himself upright, but as his fingertips dug deeper into your skin, you guessed this wasn’t all there was to it. He needed a vent to release some of the anger that was burning in his eyes… and you just so happened to be the closest thing nearby. “Everything was perfect. Suki was pregnant and we were planning to get married… Everything was perfect,” he repeated. There was a strain on his voice now as he talked about the woman that he loved. But you were still confused as to what that had to do with you. “Suki was a good person. The best, in fact. There wasn’t a single bad bone in her body and still… and still, someone cursed her. And not just any curse… No! They turned her into one! Into a monster! My Suki! MY SUKI!” Describing him as furious wouldn’t even come close to the burning hatred you saw searing in his eyes. The grip on your shoulder impossibly painful at this point.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” The sincerity in your voice caught him off guard. You could feel his grip loosening ever so slightly, but the flame in his eyes seemed to blaze more intensely than ever before.

“You don’t get to say sorry!” He spat in your face. “Because your precious excuse of a boyfriend was the one to kill her! HE KILLED HER WITHOUT BATTING AN EYE! WITHOUT EVEN TRYING TO FIX HER! HE KILLED HER! AND HE DID IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! SO, YOU DON’T GET TO SAY YOU’RE SORRY!”

Suddenly everything clicked together. Everything started to make sense. This was a man with nothing to lose and he was out for retribution. If you weren’t scared before, you were definitely scared now. People with nowhere to go, people who didn’t fear death or didn’t care for it were the most unpredictable ones. He probably already knew that there was no way for him to defeat Gojo… and that in turn meant that he must have something planned that would make him suffer the same way he had. Because what do you do if you can’t kill your opponent? Right… You make them wish they were dead. And you had the dreadful feeling that the role you’d be playing in all of this wasn’t merely to lure Gojo in.

You tried to gulp, but a lump was forming in your throat that made it hard to swallow or even breathe. You didn’t care about the things that could happen to you, but if you were to be the reason Gojo had to suffer, you would never be able to forgive yourself.

The wheels in your head started turning, eyes blown wide in horror. The man in front of you could visibly feel your distress. He wet his lips in anticipation. Almost like a famished animal waiting to finally feast on its prey.

“Please, I beg you… just let me go, okay? Please!” It was a pathetic attempt, you knew that. There was no way in hell he would let you go now, but you still had to try, at the very least. “This won’t bring her back, okay? Torturing me won’t bring your Suki back… So please, I beg you… just let me go.”

His head fell back in his neck as a bitter laugh ripped through the night. His whole body shook with the action. The sight caused your heart rate to speed up, hammering against your rip cage like the wings of a hummingbird. This was a mad man with nothing to lose and with nowhere to go.

“Torture you? No, no!” He shook his head, finally letting go off your shoulder as he clasped both his hands together in pure delight. “I have something way better planned for you… You see, my cursed technique is mind manipulation which you might have already noticed.” Ah, now it made sense why you couldn’t move and only talk once he allowed you to. “It’s a rather straining technique, but that won’t matter…” The smile on his face didn’t falter, if anything, it got even bigger. His eyes almost sparkling with perverse glee as he hungrily looked you up and down. His hand reached for his back pocket again, getting a hold of your phone. The screen illuminated his face, highlighting a single scar that traveled across his right cheek. “So, I’ll call your boyfriend now, okay? I think you two have a little catching up to do.” He winked at you. “But before that…” He lowered your phone slightly, intently looking you in the eyes and capturing all your attention. Even if you wanted to look away – and you did – you couldn’t will your body to do so. Never in your life have you felt so helpless. “Y/N, when you see Satoru Gojo’s face again, you’re overcome with the sudden and unbearable desire to kill him and you will stop at nothing until you accomplish your task… or you die trying.”

You stopped breathing, blood freezing in your veins as your brain absorbed these horrible words.

No. No! NO!

This was a fate worse than death! Not only did he make you fight his sick battle, he probably counted on Gojo having to kill you which would… break him. If you can’t kill your enemy… make them wish they were dead. And God did you wish he would’ve just killed you and left you for Gojo to find you. This would’ve been more merciful.

“Oh, he picked up.” Your eyes snapped up to see he was already holding your phone flat against his ear. “Gojo Satoru, I believe I have something of yours in my possession. Please be so kind and pick it up, okay? She really can’t wait to see you.”

***

Part Two

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1d-discourseoftheday · 3 years

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Thurs 7 Jan ‘21

Z3 Z3 Z3 Z3 Z3 Z3 Z3!!! Firstly Zayn posted a teaser of a red curtain, labeled 'tomorrow', beginning to rise with a snippet of a song-- it's Vibez! Vibez is HERE! NEW ZAYN MUSIC! And hell yeah that's super exciting (and the curtain is reminiscent of the filming at the theater last month I'm hopeful we're about to get that video) but THAT'S not the half of it-- Z3 listings are UP! 'Nobody is Listening' (friend we are ABOUT TO BE and I CANNOT WAIT) is out Jan 15 and has 11 songs (titles unrevealed with the exception of Better, already released, and Vibez). The cover art is a painting of a bright colorful sea of staring faces; everybody looking, nobody listening? Spotify also has Vibez cover art- a cool blocky noir looking painting- and a new photo of Zayn smouldering in a tank top. Happy almost Zayn's birthday to US, and thank you very much!

Liam did a long live today with an also long BEARD (oh shush on his FACE you guys) to talk about Saturday's show, but then he ends up talking to Ben Winston for most of it which is, as you can imagine, a mixed blessing. I mean all that 1D reminiscing is great for dredging up unknown tidbits for us but otoh Ben: the part where Liam puts manager Steve on to say hi to Ben and it's just the two of them is the worst content I've seen in a minute and I mean... Holivia is current..? ANYWAY, before Ben, Liam has his cousin Ross on and tells us Ross will also have cousin Luke playing drums for him at the show Sat, and snippets of all the openers' music are played. They discuss accents, and Liam, as usual, says that he was just on the phone to Louis (relatable I too immediately think of Louis when discussing strong British accents). And then the Ben chat: they talk about the We Are 1D Family fan project at San Siro and how the band didn't know it was going to happen, Liam talks about not wanting to do the Leroy piece for the BSE video (“haha remember I had a meltdown but you made me do it!”:/), and they talk about the two Midnight Memories videos-- we learn that Ben didn't have anything to do with the scrapped first one so he can't release it sorry, and “you guys didn't like it so we had to make a new one in like a week”. Liam: “no I preferred the first one!”, lol. Ben talks shit about not liking You and I (no wonder he did her so dirty), Liam: “WHAT??” and “didn’t Zayn’s high note turn you on a little bit? It had to!” sksksjfa okay calm down there, and then he turns me into the 'had me in the first half' meme when he says his least favorite 1D song is I Would! CAN YOU BELIEVE. He quickly realizes though that no! He means I WANT! Yeah okay that makes more sense but jeez Liam, don't mess with me like that! He also says (not about I Would or I Want), “when I was younger I didn't really understand the songs as much as I understand them now, they mean so much more to me later on in life than they ever have done before, the feeling, the emotions that come through, the lyric as well for some of them.” Oh and Ben mentions the Grammy awards being pushed to March 14 which btw I forgot to say yesterday so there ya go. New date. And last but not least, new LP Act 4 merch! RAINBOW HOODIE! Omg it's so good! The rest is great too but that rainbow hoodie (uh 'hoody' that is hmm why) is soooo nice.

9 am PST came and went without a single Holivia pap pic, but don't worry (darlings) they were just a little late today, though you'll be excused if you didn't realize there were new ones, as they are simply more of the same batch as yesterday's- it was a very exciting parking lot after all, they needed a lot of documentation! Harry grabbing Olivia's arm SO AWKWARDLY is a gem though, I'm starting to have doubts that they're even really friends now that I'm seeing them interact so much tbh. I think the press time excitement was supposed to be the 'candid' pics of them drinking coffee together with Harry in the spa robe (taken... maybe you can guess... YES! it was over the weekend!) but aside from being memed they didn't seem to get much traction. Even so, the press is still all over Holivia ofc and if you only read one article about it PLEASE make it the Harper's Bazaar one that marveled at today's pics “Wilde happened to be wearing the same outfit from last weekend” oh SO CLOSE YOU GUYS, defensively states that Harry was wearing a mask (in response to the many articles out there about people being mad at him for not wearing a mask which yes are very much still up and not being suppressed by HSHQ, btw) but some enterprising layout person placed a picture of him without a mask right under that line, and tells us twice in a row that their relationship is 'very organic'-- definitely 100% truly oBvIOusLy ORGANIC, 'a source' says so. So you can see that clearly it's all very organic. In case you were wondering! STRONG honorable press mention for Vogue though, who declared that Holivia were “already 2021's most stylish pair” with a picture of Harry in his paint splattered merch hoodie and pushed up sweats; but then they also said the other day that larries were people “who ship Harry with Liam Payne”...hey Vogue I really recommend getting an intern if you're struggling, so helpful!

#liam payne #harry styles #zayn #most of my dash – ugh I have holivia blacklisted I do not see it anyway the chicken #me: ugh actual updates JUST LET ME MAKE FUN OF HOLIVIA PRESS ALL DAY #yeah I know not everyone is an I would stan but I' just prefer to believe everyone appreciates as much as me it's how it should be #I'm in the 'spoiled by Icarus Falls an actual epic work of genius' camp and I'm sad this one is comparatively short #but Z knows what he's doing I'm gonna bet it's perfect as is and I can't wait to hear it #I already love Vibez it's so pretty and soft #Liam to Ross- haha this is first time I've been on the phone to you in a few weeks when I'm not drunk. :/#he also talks about watching the San Siro gig drunk the other day #he does not however say he doesn't have access to any of his accounts he says he DOESN'T KNOW HIS PASSWORDS offhand #that he's just logged in on his phone but can't just tweet from another phone real quick while he's on live #I would say the exact same in that situation and despite tumblr oppressing me rn for the most part no one is controlling my accounts yall #it's NOT THE SAME THING he clearly states that he access to ALL HIS ACCOUNTS on HIS PHONE #Harry Lambert made a flagging joke not relevant to much just a reminder that yeah it's a real thing #and gay people def know about and about the significance of wearing bandanas #I mean the connection of the blue bandana to Louis is a whole other thing ofc but if Harry does mean that by that #he knows very well it isn't the only thing he's putting out there #probably why he steers real wide of ever putting in his pocket lol he truly said fuck your top bottom discourse #7 jan 21

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embrassemoi · 3 years

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Surrounded by the Moon and Stars • 06

Pairings: Sirius Black x [F]Reader, Remus Lupin x [F]Reader Content: Language, possible errors, music snob!Remus, Author’s notes: song used: Come Together by The Beatles

BTW: I always try to use little to no physical descriptions for the reader insert but I did add that the reader has some sort of hair. I didn't mention hair texture or length (Sorry if ur bald). My taller readers, I only mentioned that you were shorter than Remus (no height was given)

Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter 6: ABBA vs. The Beatles

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

“Merlin’s beard! Binns is a sadist; torturing students must be his only pastime,” James yawned, taking his glasses off to rub his eyes.

Nothing could ever compare to the History of Magic. Today, lessons were dreadful and muddy. Professor Binns’ monotone voice filtered throughout the class, rambling on and on about various dates in history. Hardly anyone paid attention before he started calling on students. Annoyed, Binns would continue to reiterate his inquiry until the student(s) got the correct answer, no matter how long it took.

A sadist indeed.

Although Binns wasn’t the sole reason why the class was pathetic, but rather the lack of any practical work was simply a joke. The class only reminded Y/N of her short time in public school. Geometry? Utterly useless for any daily life interactions. To make matters worse, Binns surprised the class with a pop-quiz and two chapters of reading. Luckily, he had an ounce of mercy in his ghostly body and dismissed the class early for lunch.

James continued, “I would rather fight a dragon than — Woah! Your hair! “

She glanced to look at herself through the reflection in James’ glasses. Her hair, which originally was emerald green, was now turning into a golden yellow. The different colours clashed together boldly.

“You look like the banner for the Holyhead Harpies,” Peter said, striding up to James’ side.

“The Holyhead Harpies,” James said dreamily, “They’re probably one of my favourite teams.

Remus, who had been trailing behind Peter jumps in, “You only like them because they’re all women, you wanker.” He turns to Peter, his hand shooting up to the side of his head, massaging small circles into his temples, “Why’d you get him going?”

James became insufferable whenever someone or something mentioned Quidditch. Not only would he boast about his abilities as a Chaser, but he seemingly was a never-ending encyclopedia about Quidditch. It only worsened as November neared, the start of the new Quidditch season was approaching.

One time Y/N found herself stuck listening to him babble about Ireland winning the world cup for about thirty minutes. She didn’t have the heart to stop him, though. Nobody listened to his rants and he could hardly contain his excitement. How could she tell him she wasn’t interested?

A monstrous smirk etched its way onto his face, “Caught me.”

“Be anymore of a predator would ya, Prongs?”

“Hey! That’s not the only reason why I like them. Did you forget their victory in 1953 against the Heidelberg Harriers? Their strategy was blood-fucking-brilliant. They’re legendary! My father was there to see it in person. Lucky bastard. He told me…”

His voice fades into the background as Y/N catches Remus’ eyes. A glint of mischief shined through them before he forced a fake pitiful smile. He mouthed a quick ‘sorry’ to her before looping his arm around Peter’s shoulder, discreetly leaving James’ side and out of the classroom.

That sly, slippery bastard.

"— and did I mention that their seeker was one of the most sought out —”

“Wait, James.”

He abruptly pauses, waiting patiently for her to continue. She leads them out into the corridor and towards the great hall. “Sorry, didn’t mean to cut you off like that, but when is my hair going back to normal?”

Y/N instantly regretted mentioning her hair. There was no trace of a smile on James. His shoulders slumped a bit and his walking even staggered. “Godric, I know, I know and I’m sorry. I thought it would have returned back to normal by now. I’ve been creating reversal spells — even started asking Moony to help.”

“Moony?”

“Remus.”

“Another one of your nicknames?”

“It’s not a nickname! It’s a brotherhood — a pack!”

“Oh, sorry Prongs,” she drawled, a sarcastic smile on her face, “If I didn’t know you I would assume you were an asshole.”

“What? How?!”

“You go around calling yourself a marauder, the king of Quidditch and now Prongs. Seems pretty assholely.”

James’ mouth opens before closing again, repeating the process several times.

“Plus, you pull silly pranks every day.”

He chuckles, “Oi! You helped us with that itching idea!”

Her eyebrows raised in acknowledgement, “Touché.”

To this, James shakes his head, directing the conversation back to the Holyhead Harpies. Inwardly, Y/N wanted to whack him with a broomstick.

They were among the first students to reach the Great Hall, aside from students who had a free or were excused early by Professor Binns. None of the girls were there yet. Unfortunately, Marlene was held back by Binns, so Y/N was left to sit beside James who sat opposite to Remus, Peter and Sirius.

She had been trying her best to avoid Sirius whenever she could. It was clear he didn’t like her. He never laughed whenever she made a joke, he hardly noticed her, he never praised her, even if she tried to compliment him. He was just rude for no apparent reason. The rest of the marauders and girls knew this, although they preferred not to comment about the obvious, strained relationship (which they didn’t even know the reason for. Granted, Y/N wasn't quite sure herself. Was it the rejection, he just didn't like her or is just an ass?).

Although, ignoring and avoiding him proved to be extremely challenging. Y/N was glued to Lily’s hip ever since the Sorting Ceremony. It also didn’t help that if you were with one marauder, another one was sure to follow. She and James started to spend more time with each other, and by extension, she was obligated to be around at least one other marauder. With the addition of study sessions with Remus, it was inevitable.

Surprisingly, Sirius hadn’t made any snarky remarks, excluding dirty looks, he was being… nice — nicer to her. The action was a stark contrast from his previous behaviour and she speculated a few reasons why:

Most likely, James or Lily, she assumed the former, said something to him. Since his little spat with James at breakfast a few weeks ago, Sirius was tight-lipped ever since.

Maybe he was done being a prick, deciding to stop by himself after realizing he was a prick.

Went through something personal, it stopped, and his behaviour improved.

Minutes after the bell rang, students began to trickle in for lunch. The comfortable chatter rose as Y/N finished eating an apple. Everyone seemed pleased when James’ Quidditch lecture was interrupted as hundreds of owls streamed in, packages and letters dropping into the laps of students. She hadn’t expected anything considering her owl, Celeste, didn’t drop anything off since the first week of October. However, today she fluttered down between the bread and fruit bowls, dropping off several letters and a small parcel onto Y/N’s plate, pecking at the bread crumbs on the table. She tore the letter open, inside it said:

Dear Y/N,

Are you still having a hard time with Charms? If so, perhaps I find some textbooks and send them over.

Don’t slack off this year. Send me a letter whenever you have the chance. (Make sure to tell Celeste to be quieter next time. You know I can, and never will get used to the owls.)

Mom

Her mother finally wrote to her. A sense of joy flooded her body as she placed the letter back down on the oak table. A part of her wondered if Celeste was dropping off her letters to the wrong house, the one back in Toronto as her mother never wrote back. She opened the next letter, immediately recognizing the messy scrawl:

October 19, 1975

Y/N! I thought you replaced me with one of your brits, but a false alarm, your letters just take a while to arrive. Must be tiring for Celeste to travel to and from Scotland then America and back. You know, whenever people see her fly in, they still recognize her.

Are you doing anything for Halloween? We’re throwing another dance. Going to be alone this year now that I can’t force you to come. I guess I’ll just watch half the school dry hump each other while I smuggle in firewhiskey.

How’s it going over there? I heard from a few students, even read in the papers about the war. It’s getting pretty crazy over here. Teachers have been meeting and trying to prevent students and parents from losing their shit. My mom has been worried too, writing to me like a lunatic and I’m not even in the UK. The MACUSA have been keeping quiet but they were caught having meetings with counsellors from the Ministry of Magic. Even heard that Jenkins is stepping down. If it keeps getting out of hand here, I can’t imagine what it must be like at Hogwarts. I truly thought the war was dying down, I was wrong. Keep your wand close. Surely, you’ll get away with a hex or two.

Until next time

Matthew G.

So engrossed in her new environment, her old life slipped to the back of her mind. There was a detachment from her reality compared to the one at home. A pang of guilt hit her, swallowing her up from the inside out until another pang hit, loneliness. If she easily forgot everyone, would anyone remember her? None of her old friends, apart from Matthew, had made a move to contact her since she left.

Often thinking about writing them first, she had to remind herself if they wanted to, they would. Especially with the knowledge that people still recognized Celeste.

Was she forgettable and if so, was it karma for forgetting too?

It put a mechanical vice grip on her heart, applying just enough pressure to be a constant reminder. With every beat, it tightened more and more.

Looking around the table, she saw her peers huddle in groups, familiar laughter ringing throughout. So noisy, so taunting. She may have been friends with Lily, Dorcas, James or even Marlene, but they had their own friends. Friendships that had years to develop before she came. She had only known them for less than two months.

Forgettable.

How hilarious, she thought.

“Hey,” a gentle voice cooed into her ear, “Are you okay?”

She hummed back absentmindedly.

James wore a concerned expression, his eyes knitted together, one raised higher than the other like it always does when he was worried. The look he shot her suggested he wasn’t convinced, although he didn’t press; instead opting to stir the conversation. “So, who wrote to you?”

“A friend and my mom —”

A snort so loud that it caused the rest of the marauders, random onlookers and even Lily (who had a look of pure disgust on her face) turned towards them. “What did you say?”

“I got a few letters?”

“No!” He bellowed, “Who sent you them?”

“My friend and my mom —”

Nearly choking on his sandwich, James clutched his stomach laughing. Laughing so hard he has to grip the table to prevent falling off the hall bench. "Haha! Mom?! MOM?” He mocked in a poor American accent, “What the fuck is mom? It’s MUM. Bollocks!”

“We say vitamin.”

“It’s VIT-A-MIN! Who says VIGHT-A-MIN?” Without a pause, James presses his entire body onto her shoulder, smushing her before grabbing the letter her mother sent her. His eyes scanned across the pages before hitting a certain word. “Back home? Maple trees? Where did you use to live exactly?”

“Canada.”

“Canada?! You don’t mean those snowy gits?” At this, Peter and Remus snort under their breaths. Even Lily had to force down a smile.

Staring deadpanned at him, in an unamused voice, “Really?”

“You are a bundle of surprises! I thought you lived… I’m not sure. I assumed somewhere like New Hork.”

“York,” Lily corrects.

“Tomato, tomato,” he jokes, playfully batting his eyes at Lily before biting into his sandwich, “You do live in London, right?”

“Right.”

James takes a moment, letting the conversation die down before he quickly glances at Y/N again. An undecipherable expression crosses his face before it’s promptly replaced with elation, “I take back anything negative I’ve said about Canada. They have an amazing Quidditch rooster. Have you gone to any of their games?”

A low grumble of sighs follows at the mention of Quidditch from James. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Remus shake his head and sighed dejectedly.

“Nah, I’m a New-Maj, remember? My mom — “

“Mum —”

“ — sorry, Mum — hardly understands the wizarding world, let alone what Quidditch is.”

His eyes were wide, whimsical, as a hand flew to his chest dramatically, “Rubbish! Bloody ridiculous! You’ve never seen a real Quidditch game? One day, I swear I’ll bring you to one! Or you can bring me to Canada one day and we can watch a home game!”

As James continued to rant, Y/N’s mind slowly drifted back to the bitterness in her chest. Trying to distract herself, she borrowed Lily’s quill and a few sheets of parchment, scribbling down letters in response.

Mom,

I’m fine with Charms, you don’t need to send anything. And don’t worry, I’ve been studying for my OWLs.

Love you, write soon.

The next letter was addressed to Matthew:

Matty Matt,

Of course, I didn’t replace you… yet.

Another dance? You would think the students’ protest last year would have influenced the professors this time. I guess it’s time for you to get wasted. I didn’t tell you last time but I think I’m going to a party. A friend of mine is throwing it and I know he’s going to force me to come no matter what. He briefly mentioned costumes and drinks. Plus, there’s going to be some kind of prank that I may or may have not been a part of? Sounds cool right?

Yeah, I’d say it’s been bad up here. I don’t know much about what's going on outside of school, though. The professors are hiding it well. I didn’t even hear about Jenkins stepping down. Keep me updated.

Until next time

She sealed the letters before sending Celeste off again, “Be quieter when you drop off the letters, yeah?”

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

It must be her lucky day.

The ringing of the bell went off, signalling the end of class. Professor Flitwick asked the students to stay behind so he could hand out quizzes the students completed on Monday in preparation for their upcoming test on Growth and Reductor charms the following Tuesday.

It was never a good sign when a professor flips your test over to prevent other students from seeing their mark. Flipping it over at a downwards angle, Flitwick handed Y/N her quiz.

Turning it over nervously, a tight coil formed in the pit of her stomach. A large P was plastered on the top right corner in bold red ink. She studied hard for this too. Angrily, she shoved her work into her bag and left the class. This was the third poor she'd gotten in a row. She should have told her mother she needed those Charm books.

“I swear I’m going mad! Her brother is a complete cow! He even — are you listening?”

She looks at the girl beside her, Marlene. Her glossed over, doe eyes must have served as an answer before the blonde shook her head.

“Sorry, distracted,” she mumbles, before forcing out a fake-happy tone, “Continue your story! I wanna hear!”

“Hey,” Marlene says in a softer voice, “If something’s bothering you, you can talk about it.”

“No, it’s okay,” she replies instinctively. She felt bad spacing out during Marlene’s story but her mind was running through and under hoops. The last thing any fifth year student needed was to fall behind in their classes, let alone feeling like nobody cared about them.

At that moment, she wished she was wrapped away in red and gold blankets to wallow in her self-pity party, away from prying eyes. She could feel the burning sensations of tears building up.

Dammit.

Y/N looked out the window to her left. The sky was melting with the warm hues of reds and yellows while the other half was being slowly engulfed into a cloak of twilight. Even from here, she could feel the cool air seeping in from the windows making her tug on the sleeves of her robes.

She continued, “I’m just tired — been a long day. I’m going to take a nap before dinner. See you.”

Judging by the look on Marlene and Lily’s face, guilt riddles her body. They both look sympathetic. The pity only made Y/N feel disgusting. In all honesty, Y/N will care later. Right now wasn’t the time and she desperately needed some shut-eye.

Before she left the room, she overheard them talking.

“What’s up with her?”

“Dunno.”

Great.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

Sleep did little to ease her thoughts.

The same uneasiness she felt on the train ride to Hogwarts settled deep into her bones again. She thought she was past this. The worrying about friends, missing home, feeling alone, failing class, stressing about her future. The rational part of her brain knew it was just one silly quiz (and old shitty friends), but knowing herself, if she were to continue to have this mindset, she would only fail in the end.

Dinner ended and Y/N belligerently climbed up the stairs towards the library to attend today’s study session. The Charms quiz threw her into a loop and it was better not to dwell on it, opting to rather use her time for something useful.

Her marks improved significantly since she attended her first session two weeks ago. The last couple of assignments and quizzes she handed in that she worked on during the groups were some of her best work, ever. Additionally, her ability to retain information was improving at astonishing rates and she found herself participating in lessons more often. Unfortunately, she started to doubt her abilities again.

There weren’t as many students as usual. Perhaps it was because of the Quidditch meeting for all teams tonight, or because nobody wanted to spend their time in a library Friday night. She assumed it was the latter.

Although, the same student with black hair from Slytherin was there; tucked away in his usual corner. He was always there. Whether it was the study sessions, another OWL or NEWT student or he simply just enjoyed the library, Y/N could always rely on him sitting there in his little nook.

In the far back, surrounded by tall bookshelves sat Remus. Another student, a first or second year, judging by their height, seemed to be asking him a question, rapidly writing down something on a piece of parchment whilst they walked away. Remus leaned back in the brown chair, his right leg was folded over the other as he stretched.

She spent over twelve hours minimum with Remus directly since the first session, minus the time he was around James and the girls. Perhaps she only started to notice afterwards but she swore Remus wasn’t around this much before. Now, he was everywhere.

In the past couple of weeks she’d gotten to know him, she made a mental list in her head of him:

1. Remus loves sweaters. They weren’t flashy, seemingly preferring to wear ones with small designs, stripes or a solid colour. He wore green the most. He also wore cardigans. Two, in particular, he wore the most; one was white and the other was a muted brown. They were big and hung off his loose frame, the pockets were often stuffed with books, rumpled parchment and his wand.

2. He’s a coffee addict. He drank it in the morning, the afternoon, at the study session and sometimes with meals at dinner. He loved to dump pounds of sugar, so if he only drank black coffee, it usually meant he was in a bad mood. James even joked that he became Sirius whenever he drank black coffee, because haha! Get it? It’s BLACK coffee!

3. He frequented the library whenever he wasn’t with the rest of the marauders. He enjoyed poetry, wrote post-it notes after post-it notes to annotate his favourite parts. He even slept there from time to time, not without having to persuade Pince to not give him detention.

As if Remus magically sensed her, he took a large inhale before he stopped stretching, opening his eyes to look at her. A small smile was plastered on each other’s faces. He stuck up a few fingers to wave at her, motioning her to come over.

“Hi Y/N. I thought you didn’t come on Fridays?”

“I don’t but I have a test, Charms, Tuesday.”

“Oh, well I’m happy to help.”

“Thanks for the offer, Professor Lupin, but just being down here will help me focus.”

A scarlet blush settled on his face at the mention of his tutoring. “Well come sit with me then.”

Pushing the chair out of the way, she sat down beside him, pulling out her cassette player and earbuds along with her notes. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Remus staring at the player curiously.

“Do you want to listen?”

“If you don't mind. I didn’t know you could use these here.” Picking it up, he turned the rectangular device.

“If record players work here, why not this?”

She hands him an earbud, alongside a small collection of other tapes she had on hand.

“Choose whatever you want to listen to.”

Without much thought, he pressed the play button. The upbeat tune of Waterloo by ABBA trickled into their ears. Y/N bobbed her head up and down before the song was suddenly stopped.

A sour grimace sat on Remus’ face before their eyes met, his nose upturned slightly.

“Why’d you stop it?”

“I hate ABBA.”

“What!?”

“I just don’t like their cheesy disco-pop-esk sound. They sound generic and random words are thrown in when they don’t add to the song.”

“Jeez— never met anyone who hated them that much.”

A ghost of a smile appeared before he flicked through her collection of tapes. He picked up Abbey Road by The Beatles. Opening the player up, he slid out Waterloo. With a click and the press of a button, Come Together played.

“So you hate ABBA but not The Beatles? Benny and Bjorn said they were influenced by them!”

“Keyword: Influenced; which is just another word for a shitty knock-off version.”

4. Remus Lupin is apparently a music snob.

“Well, I think both are good.”

“Respectfully, I disagree with you.”

“Whatever you say, professor.”

"I've been thinking a bit, why did you come to Hogwarts? Why not just stay at your old school?"

The sudden switch of topics threw her into a loop. “Wasn’t by choice. My mom’s a doctor and got a position here. It was too good to turn down. But it’s not bad. There’s less wizarding laws.”

He nods his head, "I'm assuming you have dual citizenship?"

"Mhm."

About a half an hour passed as she sighed for the umpteenth time before putting down her quill. Her chair scraped back noisily as Y/N’s hand balled up into a tight fist, feeling her fingernails bite into her palm. She’d been flicking through her notes, the words all blended.

At this rate, if History of Magic didn’t exist, Charms would surely be her least favourite class.

“Are you sure you don’t need help?”

She was at a loss, this was the third time Remus had offered to help and he was persistent. She felt horrible that she was taking up his time to help her on a stupid Charms test.

He continued, “If you think bothering me is an issue, it’s not. I run the sessions on Friday. It’s my job.”

“Fine, but there has to be something I can do in return.”

“Hmm,” Remus pondered for a second, “How about this, I tutor you in Charms and in return you give me your Potions notes? I'm dreadful at it.”

“Deal.”

“Great. Before we start, is there anything in particular that you have questions on?”

Silently tapping on the quiz she received today, Remus snatched it and quickly scanned over her answers and Professor Flitwick’s notes.

“I see what happened. You know, the curriculum taught at Ilvermorny is different. That’s probably why you can’t understand some of this shit.” He cleared his throat, “So as we know, the growth charm increases the size of your intended target…”

His voice, like a light switch, changed instantly. Instead of his softer deep, raspier voice, it became commanding and steady. He never stumbled over his words and articulated his points elegantly. She found herself enraptured by him, understanding why he was in charge of the study groups.

Eventually, Remus takes a pause, “Does that make sense?”

“Yes. You know, you’re really good at this. No matter how much I asked Flitwick or even Lily I could never get it.”

A large blush bloomed on the apples of his cheeks before he shyly rubbed the back of his neck, averting his eyes. “I’m not that good.”

“No time for modesty, Professor Lupin!”

“Okay, okay! So here, do you see what went wrong? There would be a reaction with those two spells if —”

A boy, small, most likely a second year, stood at the foot of the shared table holding a large red and gold book. His hair, dark ginger, similar to Lily’s, was cut short. He fiddled with his fingers as he continued to stare at the two.

“... Um, hi. You're Remus — right?”

“Yup. Did you need help with something?”

“Yes! I’m having trouble with the Transfiguration spell, beetle into button.”

A look of understanding passed through his face before Remus turns to look at her, “Duty calls. It’ll be quick.”

“Of course, take your time.”

It was not quick. Understandably, very few were successful at the ginger’s age to perform the spell, but thirty minutes passed and the second year still didn’t understand the basic concepts. No matter how many times Remus had reiterated his point differently, the boy couldn’t retain it.

“I just don’t get it.”

“You learned this last year, it's a quick revision. I’m not sure what part you’re talking about. Look, do not wiggle or twirl your wand left, direct it towards the right. You have to picture the spell in your head before saying the incantation.”

He guided the boy's hand steadily before performing the spell himself.

“I don’t understand!” The boy whined.

He sighed, “Then we keep trying —”

“It’s too hard. Why are they teaching this crap anyway?”

“Could you stop complaining?” He snapped, closing his eyes before he realized what he’d just done. “I’m sorry about that. I’m… just tired. I can’t help you anymore, though. You should ask someone else,” Remus said brusquely, his eyes unnerving as he stared at the child. As a result, he yelped out a ‘thank you,’ rushing off in the opposite direction.

The muscles in his jaw tensed under the soft glow of the table lamps. There was a pale red tint rimming his eyes and he looked visibly paler than normal. Irritated, he bounced his knee rapidly, up and down, before looking out the large window beside them. The sky was mostly cloudy. Only the peak of the silvery moon appeared. A sliver was missing before it was fully complete.

He closed his eyes, before breathing in. His posture once stiffened, completely relaxed before a flimsy smile reappeared on his face, returning his attention to Y/N.

“Let’s continue, shall we?”

“If you’re tired we can stop.”

“No, s’okay. I’m fine — really.”

She chewed the inside of her cheek, adding to her list:

5. Remus was always so hard to read.

147 notes · View notes

help-im-a-gay-fish · 3 years

Text

OK! THIS IS PROBABLY MY FAVOURITE FLUFFYNIGHTKILLER HEADCANNON I'VE COME UP WITH.

My people, I love this and I hope you do. Its a long one, but I promise its worth it.

So ever since I read this head cannon from @yuriyuruandyuraart I've had one nagging thought.

Polygamous marriage is illegal.

So as much as I loved this story of them getting engaged, they couldn't ever get married, but I didn't wanna rain on everyone's parade so I kept it to myself. Until now!

While talking with @jann-the-bean I came up with this and Jan loved it! So I hope you guys do to.

So imagine that the 3 of them are going around telling their friends and family about their engagement, in the classic happy kind of way. It's all well and good, Dream is thrilled to find out his brother is so happy. However, then he realises the law and Dream pulls his brother aside.

Dream "Uhh Night...Can I talk to you?"

Nightmare "yeah?"

Dream "I'm so happy that you got engaged brother.."

Nightmare "........."

Nightmare "but?"

Dream "but..... But isn't Polygamous marriage illegal?"

Nightmare "......."

And that was the glass shattering moment. Dream wasn't trying to be cruel or anything like that. He was just generally concerned that Nightmare hadn't thought of that.

So later that night, Nightmare brought it up to his partners and of course both of them where upset when they remembered that law. So began a long talk about what they could do. In the end Ccino mostly just said that it didn't matter to him if they were married, so long as they were together. Since he's still just a small city boy, he didn't really see that there was to much they could do, he was content to just maybe have a ceremony where they promise to be life partners, but not marry.

Nightmare and Killer on the other hand were not satisfied with that.

That Night, when Ccino was asleep the two got to talking. I like to think that over the years that Nightmare and Killer have become icons for the poly community, much like Elton Jon is one for the gay community. The two of them decided that they were going to use this to fight for the right to marry each other.

It started small. Posts on social media, comments in interviews. They started speaking out that they should be allowed to be wed. Because they loved each other and the law shouldn't stop them. There where online polls and campaigns as their fan base who had been a huge fan of the throuple started to back them up.

This is when Ccino became alerted to what they were doing. He was scared that they could damage their reputations and careers over this. He told them that he wasn't worth everything they were risking. That if they really wanted to get married, the two of them could and he'd just keep being their boyfriend.

They told him no and then lovingly told him to shut up and they would take care of it.

So began the start of a long legal battle, which all together spanned about 2 years. From when they first started talking about it online, to when the find judgment was made. They were denied.

In the end the court ruled that if polygamy was legalised, it would cause alot of issues. Its a taboo for a reason, and some people would just abuse it for their own gain.

Both Killer and Nightmare were heart broken. Ccino told them that he was so proud of them for trying and that he loved them more then ever. But Killer and Nightmare were still really upset.

This upset Ccino, because he'd seen how hard they had worked and as he thought over everything, he realised that he was actually irritated himself. In fact, he was a little angry. So now it was his turn to say No.

Ccino "you know what? No!"

Killer "what?"

Ccino "they said they couldn't legalise it because people would abuse the system"

Nightmare "yeah?"

Ccino "well I say No! That doesn't apply to us. You aren't some guy who wants a bunch of wives. We are 3 people who all love each other equally. We should have the right to marry"

Killer and nightmare "........"

Killer "we thought you said that you were ok with it"

Ccino "I'm not. Of course I'm not! I want to marry you both! "

So this prompted them to start a new campaign. If Polygamy couldn't be legalised for everyone, then they was campaign for the court to give the 3 of them legal right to marry. If a man could get the rights to marry himself (true story) and a women could be granted the right to marry a building (again, true story) then the 3 of them should be granted permission to marry.

So they took it back to court and this time Ccino took a more active roll in it, though Nightmare and Killer were more dominant. Ccino appeared with Nightmare and Killer in some interviews, but even if his mental health was much better at this point, he still couldn't fully handle all the pressure. But he put in a lot of work behind the scenes to help his partners in the case.

They Luckily still had the support of the public. They argued that they didn't want to abuse the system, they didn't want to have the bunch or wives or a bunch of husbands. They were 3 people who all loved each other deeply and just wanted to be married to each other.

Imagine the judge in court asking them why they wanted to make it legal to marry Ccino and why they couldn't just date him. And Killer just stands up like.

"dude have you seen him!? Who wouldn't want to make that fluffy marshmallow their husband?"

Then as Jan said this leaves poor Ccino (who is sat next to him) just a blushing mess and he says “Killer, don’t be so loud it’s embarrassing..”

Meanwhile, nightmare staring the judge dead in the eyes.

“I agree he’s to adorable not to marry, I mean if we don’t marry him someone else may try to steal him. And I refuse to let that happen”

(thanks for these ideas Jan)

After another 2 years or so of fighting for it. After all the public backing and the long process. Killer, Nightmare and Ccino are finally granted the right to marry.

Just imagine Nightmare trying to keep composed in court, though his having a little party in his head, and Killer on the other hand just stand on his table in court like.

"yes! Ha!"

Then he points at Ccino "guess what fluffy buns! We are marrying you!"

Ccino is so shocked, but he's also so happy. He truly never would have dreamt of this happening.

The moment that Nightmare, Killer are handed over the legal documents, they don't waste a moment, they grab Ccino and jump straight into their car. Then they drive straight to Las Vegas to elope not stopping to change or pack any clothes or anything, because they don't want to wait a second longer.

Of course Ccino gets super flustered at their suggestion to elope.

Ccino "get m-married right now!? But don't you want to wait? And have some big celebrity wedding? You mentioned it before"

Nightmare "nope"

Killer "we've been engaged for over 4 years, we want to put a ring on it right now!"

Nightmare "we don't need a big wedding, or all that stuff. We just need you to say I do"

Nightmare and Killer "so... Will you?"

Ccino "......"

Ccino "YES!"

(though maybe they stopped to pick up dream on the way. Nightmare probably knows that Dream would kill him if he missed his wedding.)

So the 3 were married in a small Chapel. Nothing fancy, but for them it was perfect. They all agreed that they would probably host a proper reception and ceremony for their friends and family to attend later. But for now, they didn't need that, they just needed to be married. It was a very small simple thing.

They probably stayed in a Vegas hotel that night. Probably had some time to celebrate. I just imagine Killer waking the two of them up the next morning with breakfast he'd ordered like:

"Good morning Husbands"

And he just can't keep the smile off his face.

About a year later they have a more formal ceremony. Which of course is super fun. But for them it doesn't change that fact that their actual wedding was truly perfect.

And dam I just love those 3. Jan was the one who wanted me to share this with you guys and I really hope you like it as much as me.

Dam it Dream XD

BTW, I know this most likely isn't fully realistic to what the legal system is like, but give me a break. I’m not a lawyer, I’m a shipper. Its fiction, just let me have it.

studio verse by @zu-is-here

original nightmare by jokublog

original killer by rahafwabas

original ccino by black-nyanko

Oh and @kotikaleo I'm sorry I forgot to tag you! You always as to be tagged in this stuff. Sorry idk if you saw it

154 notes · View notes

redxblueihateloveyou · 3 years

Note

Hiiii!!! 💫💕🌸🥳

Can I bother with a question... I was (re)watching that zhang qiling edit (not today) - 'cause it's so cool, btw- and I wondered if Reboot Xiaoge’s your favourite one...? And if you're up to answering, what do you think about the other adaptations? Especially (our small bean) xiao yuliang's interpretation of xiaoge?

🤗🌺💐🐰💕

Hey, my precious patootie hehe ILY it always makes me very happy knowing that you rewatch my vids <3

lol dang it, I was kinda hoping to avoid this question, just because I feel like I'd find it hella hard to explain some things, but I'll try my best and hopefully it'll make some sense xD

I'll start from afar bc I wanna try to explain my reasonings, since I don't want to go without arguments into such highly debated question lolz. I talked about this a bit in my previous asks somewhere, but not broadly as to why that one guy hit all the right spots.

So throughout the books Wu Xie always does this wonderful thing, where he very tangibly describes the feeling he gets when Xiaoge is near, I mean like the aura around him. And he always somehow does it so colorful, that this mix of safety, assurance, calmness, composure and some things I can't quite put into one noun, that he brings to him, I think everyone who've read the books can recognize as this almost magical "Xiaoge feeling". It's not just the way he acts in some dangerous situations or smth like that. It's just everything. You either have it or you don't. And here goes my first argument... to me none of them, except for Huang Junjie and Yuliang have it.

I mean it's not even the obvious stuff, it's like the way they move during the action scenes, the way they even stand and hold themselves, the way they touch Wu Xie, the tone of their voices (both of which are like soothing as fuck), little things you'd think wouldn't matter, but when you watch it and all the puzzle pieces are together, you're like... fuck yeah, thats him.

Also not really that weighty of a point, but to me there's always a joy to see that the actor who plays the character not only gets what's he's playing, but also loves it, bc it's always seen on screen. Usually when some asked about the character they play and what they have in common for example they answer with obvious things like if some character is introverted they're like "well I also don't talk very much" or smth like that, you know what I mean. When I was watching interviews of Yuliang and Huang Junjie I was just smiling so much, bc they've said such things that made me go "yeah, Qiling is safe in their hands".

In Reboot case working in such close proximity with the author definitely also played a huge role here. Bc it kinda gets complicated in some aspects since the books are written from Wu Xie's point of view and you can't only base your picture on his perspective, just bc it's coming from a person who after being basically told "you're my whole world" goes "I'm just a person he randomly passes by in his long life" in his thoughts. Not only he's utterly clueless and dumb when it comes to all this, that he wouldn't notice the way Qiling looks at him and other things, its also not that kind of book, that would go "I suddenly caught poker face looking at me like I'm his whole existence" (and I honestly don't want it to be that book lmao). So you have to take into the account here stuff like what author says to get the whole picture, bc if you look at that from the point of Qiling's view for example, this shit takes a whole wild turn. So I really loved that in UN and Reboot ways of showing Qiling's feelings were well thought out and fit the timeline.

Bc it also works both ways, when it comes to other adaptations. Like Qiling is very and I mean ETREMELY hard to win over. We all know that it was a very long process of gaining his trust and even longer for him to fall for Wu Xie to the point of him being his everything. So what I want in those interpretations is for them to get at which point of their relationships what Xiaoge's behavior makes sense. I do not need any fanservice if it ruins the character, I'll just hate it. The thing that their feelings didn't come out of nowhere is what I LOVE about this ship, bc I'm not the kind of person who believes in "we love for nothing" thing and love at first sight thing (only "got hots for each other" at first sight), bc thats bull. Wu Xie became his everything after a long LONG process of getting to know each other. At the beginning tho he was the same stranger to him as everyone else. So what Reboot Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie yet and what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what Lost Tomb's Qiling feels for Wu Xie (which at that point was nothing). And I feel like not everyone gets the fact that you can totally wreck the character if you make him behave not the way he behaved in that particular time. Like for example, if someone would make a MDZS adaptation where at the very beginning of their relationships LZ treats WWX the way he treated him after the reincarnation just because "who cares, it's still LZ", that would be dumb af, see what I mean. So Xiaoge having a weakness for Wu Xie in part one is automatically not a Xiaoge to me, bc a huge part of his character and the thing NPSS speaks a lot about is just how IMPOSSIBLE it is for someone to catch his attention and how long it took Wu Xie to get there. So let's just say to me UN and Reboot Qilings for the first time didn't feel like some mashup or character summary/parody, they were Qilings the way they are supposed to be in that part of the story, bc it was the only times someone actually bothered to coordinate it.

Now as to why I prefer one to another. Xiaoge has this thing... the way he holds himself with other people, that is sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally suppressing.

Like everyone knows that if you're a passerby, Qiling genuinely doesn't fucking care and would in fact be pretty harsh about it in terms of treating people like they do not deserve their attention. He won't be like "please, don't bother me", he simply ignored them like an empty space. He is also like that with acquaintances who in his opinion do not deserve his respect like that girl who went hysterical, bc she was upset that he was the only one who wasn't drooling on her like all other men on the crew, Chen Wenjin, Wu Xie's uncles and etc. He's not openly disrespectful unless they trigger him in some way (usually by trying to act superior or later on for not treating Wu Xie right), but if they do, he will in fact remind them their place in sometimes a very rude way, at times humiliating them in front of ppl bc he looks younger than them and talking starts.

He's always doing things on his own terms and hates being told what to do. Like he legit scared Chen Wenjin just with a look and the tone of his voice when he said "let go", when she tried to command him on the mission and grabbed him trying to lecture him about what he should or shouldn't do. That's why Wu Erbai didn't even try anything like this and let him do whatever he needed to do and equally lead the mission in Reboot. And why the scene where Wu Xie 'commands' "Xiaoge, come back" and he immediately listens holds another special place in my heart. Bc he NEVER and I mean NEVER allows such things to ANYONE.

So here I came to a point of why despite loving them both dearly, my favorite Xiaoge is Huang Junjie.

I have this dissonance with Yuliang's version when to me in many scenes it felt like he and Wu Xie are the same age. Like if he was Xiaoge, but in his 20s. In his interactions with Chen Wenjin the dynamics was turned upside down, with him being okay with her telling him what to do and just in general the way she behaved with him. Same as like I didn't always quite believe him to be on par with older generation or even Pangzi, it just felt like he was truly younger than them. Some scenes that I do find extremely cute just don't fit book Xiaoge at all, I'm talking about some moments like his face when Wu Xie gave him food, or him pouting and many things he's done, when you were going "uwu he's a baby". He just never gives me this feeling in the books ever, not just bc he's 100 years old, but sad fact here.. bc he's simply unable to behave that way. Like in the books you'll desperately want to shower him with love, but he's just... I can't quite explain, it's very sad.

I guess it's just you know these characters, who are like hundreds years old, but look like they're 18? I think you have to be very careful with how you write those, so you could deliver that. And in UN because of some changed dynamics and scenes I straight up forgot about it, until Wu Xie threw some joke like "he's an old man" in front of a restaurant.

In Reboot Xiaoge could make Wu Erbai stutter with one move, put Yuliang's version in the same scene, I just don't think it would've worked. Like I'm trying to imagine him telling UN's Wu Erbai what to do and having troubles already haha. Same as I don't think he's capable to be genuinely mad at Wu Xie, and HJJ nailed it esp in one of my fav when Wu Xie was laughing at Pangzi's joke about him catching cold. The look he gave him and how ZYL just retreated was priceless xD. And boy could Qiling get angry with him in the books!

Otherwise I didn't have any drastic fall outs there, like with Joseph's Wu Xie and Ah Ning's death, because that was just too much of a difference, but there were still moments where it was once again this the same scene completely different emotion thing. He was more tolerable to ppl in general here, more pliable. And 50% of the time he gave me the cute lost kitten type, which I just cannot connect with the feeling he gave me in the books. His personality is a cat type 100%, but like seriously "cute baby" is the last word combination I would ever apply to book Xiaoge, but with Yuliang's version it's easily applied. So small bean he is indeed. With Joseph and in UN it works incredibly perfect to me, but the way he is in UN is at times too gentle. And there are lots of scenes where Joseph himself looked at him in a way "you're too cute, let me pinch your cheeks" kind of way, or the way he like sat down next to him on the coast, he was a bit babying him at times. I can't imagine book pingxie doing that. It's just a whole different vibe, the way he takes care of him, the way he lets him take care of him... it's...uuuuuuuuu another vibe (see, I'm so good at explaining lmao).

It's also kinda funny to me, bc HJJ who's the smallest and who irl truly a kitten never once gave me that feeling on screen for some reason. The one babied and loved by every crew and old ppl, who was cutely hiding behind ZYL's back on set, who won't sue an ex who almost ruined his career bc of how stupid she is, bc he "didn't want to hurt her", who according to staff can't even step on a fly, whom CMH was petting for several minutes after he had to hit him with a prop brick bc he didn't wanna do it lmao. I was just like.. ok, this is hilarious, bc I in fact didn't expect him to be a small bean, so watching all the bts made me go LOOOOL. Probably ZYL acting like a 3 year old helped him transform and the age difference problem got lost lmao

As for other adaptations. You know I can't watch seriously "Lost Tomb", I think some ppl probably have some nostalgic feeling about it, but I'm sorry, to me it's fucking hilarious. Like I've already said it looks like some type of twilight parody thing or smth. Soft damselle Wu Xie esp killed me, bc 1st when he ever was that, 2nd in the first book he's salty af, I don't even know this dude in this interpretation, I was like who's this. YangYang I know him from other things, I really don't think it's his role. I know the script and everything is bad. I know the costume and hair are horrendously funny, but it's just I was watching him in those action scenes and was like no... just I'm sorry but I'm not feeling it. I simply just don't know what to say about the whole thing seriously, bc I don't even know where to start. 10 episodes of some salad finished with one mutilated scene from book 6 for no reason the fact that characters are weird themselves also I can't quite tell, did they really just meet or they imply smth else lmao.. I'm sorry, but I do not get it.

I've given LT2 another try after finishing all the books and I've dropped it half way through, Cheng Yi wasn't even close to how I pictured Xiaoge in any aspect. He in fact didn't do anything OOC or off the book or anything, I just was like "not my Qiling". Happens sometimes.

Explore with the note you already know how I feel about this lol let's just forget.

P.S. To be fair here also maybe we should take into account the fact that some got luckier than other with "at which point" Xiaoge they're playing. Like for example, "Wrath of the Sea" and "Qingling Tree" books which is LT2 is not exactly you can say much about Qiling there, he trolls them there in the beginning (in a brilliant way that was totally lost in the adaptation) and he is there in "Wrath of Sea", but it's not the part that can make his character shine in any way, there's not much things happening there that would make you fall for him or get to know him; Yuliang grabbed the fattest piece bc it's middle several books, when they're always together and his character shines the most in terms of clues about past, opening up to Wu Xie and Pangzi, and there are many many events where you can get the picture of what kind of man he is; Huang Junjie grabbed my fav piece of utter devotion, where he's already fully and wholeheartedly belongs to Wu Xie, that I'm just weak for. So like... there's also that I guess xD.

#answered #jaecomments #zhang qiling #daomu biji #dmbj #lost tomb reboot #i still feel like i couldn't quite explain stuff lol #its a complicated question xD #do not kill me for my i guess weird opinions haha #huang junjie #xiao yuliang #lost tomb #pingxie

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