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#but I'm involved nonetheless
insanityisfine · 5 months
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Lowkey pissed at how erectyle dysfunction has become commonly known across several languages as "impotence".
Like.
I'm sure it's incredibly frustrating and alarming and worrying, especially if it happens to someone younger. I'm not trying to minimize that.
But do you know what impotence feels like?
It's despair, it's understanding why Sysyphus' punishement was insanely cruel well beyond physical fatigue.
It's seeing someone you love suffer and knowing there's literally nothing you can do to help, not even hold or confort them, because they're in so much pain there's no possible relief. There's no meds you can buy that haven't already been bought, there's no appointments you can make that you haven't made already.
You have done something, hell, you've done all you possibly could. And it still changed nothing. All you have left to do is wait. And it kills you. Ever. So. Slowly.
That's impotence.
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moregraceful · 2 months
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It feels like getting pulled underwater—the sharp sideways tug, the slight drag of resistance, then falling, falling, till the waves close over his head. But Logan can breathe when he rights himself again, even if the light has a watery filter to it and the voices have a distant echo. // Sometimes Logan gets a glimpse of guys who've been long gone from the teal, clustered at the far end of the bench or sitting in the box across the ice. He heard Jason's voice in the hallway loud and clear, that infectious laugh. And he could have sworn he saw Raffi fucking Torres getting out of a car in the players' lot. Something tells him not to look up the rosters.
Commissioned @impmakesart to make a painting based on the Sharks' Cali Fin hype reel + the flip side by frausorge. Imp was amazing to work with and I could not be more emotional about this piece and so, so pleased with how it turned out!! 🙇🏻‍♂️🙇🏻‍♂️ Commission him here. Thank you Imp!
#as i am sure has been very obvious i have been incredibly unwell this year for a variety of reasons#and i read that fic right after my uncle died suddenly and unexpectedly so i was thinking a lot about hospice while i was reading it#and i was going to about 8 million sharkuda games per week to just not be at home bc everything has fallen apart there#(also for a variety of reasons. but there is a lot of intense grief over my stepsister's death involved)#so today having signed a lease on an apartment on the entire other side of the country to be closer to career stuff and#get a fresh start and a hopefully happier and more stable life (even if a huge move and a career change makes me nervous)#while also the first thing said to me is that another family member had passed this morning (expectedly) and a relative#who became very sick recently (unexpectedly) and who due to advanced age does not have a great prognosis#it became a uniquely precious gift to have this completed and sent to me by imp this afternoon.#the fic + the ensuing games of seeing that reel hit a very tender part of me that has dealt with death and instability my entire life#and it is amazing to see an image of logan's similar loss and instability so perfectly realized!!#his troubled face!! the way it feels both underwater and in another world!! the lights all around that could be anything!!#looking up at the indistinct faces of his teammates who could be so so many people at this point but who he misses nonetheless!!#also PLEASE zoom in on the mist - the texturing and color gradients are SO cool. and the reflection on his helmet is so sick#the color scheme in this is freaking amazing and i just love it all so much man!!!#anyway i don't have a concluding thought. i was going to make this into a puzzle (i'm back on my bullshit)#but i will probably get it printed and framed too#if any of u come visit me know. know that your chances of seeing haunted logan couture are non-zero#and he could be ANYWHERE#art#san jose sharks#logan couture
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uncanny-tranny · 2 years
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I always feel like a broken record for saying this, but there is literally no form of transphobia that is acceptable. All transphobia is harmful - all forms of bigotry toward a group for features they cannot change (in this case, being trans) is harmful. It doesn't matter what gender a trans person is, it doesn't matter if they are a Good Person, it doesn't matter if you like them or want to see them happy. None of that matters because transphobia is transphobia is transphobia.
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yardsards · 2 years
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fun bit of trivia about my region of the states (north appalachia)
we have this food called pepperoni rolls (which i only learned a couple years ago are NOT ubiquitous across the country???)
they're pepperoni and sometimes a bit of mozzarella cheese rolled up in bread dough and baked, which makes the pepperoni grease/seasonings leach into the bread
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everybody has their own method of rolling them and preferred size and preferred proportion of ingredients, but they tend to look something like this
they're often made in semi large batches, like a dozen or so
and they're good to eat warm, especially dipped in some marinara sauce
but more commonly, in the days after that, they're eaten cold/at room temperature. because the low moisture content and high salt and whatnot mean they can be left out of the refrigerator for several hours without spoiling
this made them extremely popular back when coal mining was the area's biggest industry. they could be packed in a miner's lunch box with no refrigeration and eaten for a decent source of protein. and similar went for steel millers and factory workers
and they just kinda became a regional staple over time from there
specifically, kids in school seemed to go hogwild for the things. like, our school band had, on top of standard bake sale type fundraisers, pepperoni roll sales. kids LOVED having Coal Miner Food in their lunches.
this is all to say: The Children Yearn For The Mines
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radix-pedis-diaboli · 8 months
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I've been writing the new chapter of Memento Mori, which now sits comfortably at 10k words, and while i think it had great potential, I can't say I'm completely satisfied with how the entire story has turned out. I think it has a very weak structure and that Holmes and Watson's relationship could have been developed further by expanding the investigation side of things a bit more. I've been thinking about going back over it once i'm done with it for good to polish it up and improve those weak points as best as i can.
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crow-ooc · 2 months
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welcome back!
thank you, thank you! (please imagine me doing a little bow here) i hope all of you have been well while i was gone!
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annabelle--cane · 1 year
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hwah
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For your information, i love your fics and would die for them,,,
:D
That is so nice!!!! This is a very sweet and also very intense message, and I appreciate it!
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cldreality · 1 year
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Writers, what are some of your favorite words to use?
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mxcottonsocks · 2 years
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I recently read The Pickwick Papers as part of youtuber Books and Things' 'Dickens Along', and then I was reading the Wikipedia article on Mr Pickwick, and:
The French composer Claude Debussy dedicated to this character a humorous piano piece: Hommage à S. Pickwick Esq. P.P.M.P.C.
youtube
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forshadowing · 9 months
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realizing the host's friends consider me an "evil" alter like hmm. well that isn't concerning whatsoever
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citrine-elephant · 1 year
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currently trying to stay conscious is inspiring uwu
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deoidesign · 4 months
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How I save time on backgrounds as a full-time webcomic artist
Hi! I make webcomics for a living, and I have to be able to draw a panel extremely fast to keep up with my deadlines. I draw about 50 panels a week, which gives me about 45 minutes per panel if I want any semblance of a healthy work-life balance.
Most webtoon artists save time on backgrounds by using 3d models, which works for them and is great! but personally I hate working in 3d... I went to school for it for a year and hated it so much I completely changed career paths and vowed never to do it again! So, this is how I save time without using any 3d, for those of you out there who don't like it either!
This tactic has also saved me money (3d models are expensive) and it has helped me converting my comic from scroll format into page format for print, because I have much more art to work with than what's actually in the panels. (I'll touch on this later)
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So, first, I make my backgrounds huge. my default starting size is 10,000 x 10,000 pixels. My panels are 2,500 pixels wide, so my backgrounds are 4x that, minimum. Because of this, I make them less detailed than I could or that you might expect so it doesn't look weird against my character art when I shrink portions of it down.
I personally find it much easier to add in detail than to make "removing" details look natural at smaller sizes, but you might have different preferences than I do.
I also make sure to keep all of my elements on separate layers so that I can easily remove or replace them, I can move them to simulate different camera angles more easily, and it's simple to adjust the lighting to imply different times of day.
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Then I can go ahead and copy/paste them into my episodes. I move the background around until it feels like it's properly fitting how I want.
Once I've done that in every panel, I'll go back through the episode and clean up anything that looks weird, and add in solid blacks (for my art style) Here's a quick before and after of what that looks like!
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This makes 90% of my backgrounds take me just a few hours. This is my tactic when I'm working in an environment that an entire scene, or multiple scenes, will take place.
But many panels will inevitably have a location that's used exactly once, and it would waste time and effort to draw a massive background for those. So in 10% of cases, I just draw the single panel background in the episode. I save all of these, just in case I can re-use it later (this happens more often with outdoor locations, but I save them all nonetheless!)
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I generally have to draw about 2 big backgrounds per episode, and 3-5 single-panel backgrounds per episode! At the beginning of an arc/book the number is higher, but as the series is continuing and I'm building up an asset library of indoor and outdoor elements to re-use for the book, the number generally goes down and I save more time.
My series involves time travel and mysteries, so there's a lot of new locations in it and we're constantly moving around. If I were working on a series that was more consistent in this aspect, this process would save me even more time!
Like I said earlier, this also saves me a lot of pain and gives me a lot more options as I'm converting from scroll format to print format!
panels that look like this in scroll format...
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can look like this in print!
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because I drew the background like this, so I didn't need to go through the additional effort to add in the extra detail to expand it outwards at all.
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Anyways, I hope this helps someone! As always if it doesn't help, just go ahead and disregard. This is what I do and what works for me, and I feel like I only ever see time-saving tips for comics that involve 3d models and workflows, which don't work for me at all! I know there's more people like me out there, so this is for you!
Enjoy!
Also obligatory "my webcomic" if you want to see this in action or check it out!
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acutecoral · 7 months
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Transcript for Quackity's recent stream
twitch
[Quackity start talking around 1:03 in, but before he speaks you can hear him breathe and sniffle a little]
Quackity: Hello everyone, uh…uh, I'm just waiting for enough people to get here. This is a very important stream. So I'm just going to wait a little bit.
Quackity: Um…[sharp intake of breath] Hello! I hope everyone is having a good night. I'm doing an urgent stream. Only to keep everyone updated on everything that's happening.
Quackity: I wanna apologise for this scuffed stream. I'm not on any of my set-ups right now, I wasn't expecting to stream right now so I don't even have a camera. But I wanna to let everyone know, that I've been out and I'm catching up on a lot of matters right now…
Quackity: Including a statement, that was just now, made without my approval.
Quackity: I've been notified, about an ongoing situation regarding Quackity Studios and I want to address it. Please bear with me as I'm barely catching up on a lot of these matters.
[He sniffles again]
Quackity: One gathering is that volunteers for Quackity Studios: are not being paid and are being given too many hours of activities.
Quackity: I wanna let everyone know that I was aware of a voluntary position, and I was under the assumption that there was a process volunteers would go through, to integrate themselves to the team with a fully paying job. What I was not aware of, is to what extent and conditions were being required from the volunteers.
Quackity: And I wanna thank everyone who brought this to my attention, because it is very clear to me that I need a much deeper involvement in the administrative part of my team. Something I have not been very involved with recently.
Quackity: I'm gonna perform a deep investigation, personally, on this matter as to see exactly what's happening. But one thing is very clear to me.
Quackity: There are going to be very drastic changes in QSMP moving forward. From the administrative perspective, and from the creative perspective as well.
Quackity: My responsibility relies on knowing what is happening in the project I am running. And for not being more involved? I want to deeply apologise. This should have never happened, and I am extremely disappointed.
Quackity: From here on out, I wanna make one thing clear: Everybody involved in Quackity Studios will be paid. And if at any point my own funds are not sufficient enough to pay workers or maintain the project? Then the QSMP cannot continue and it will close down. That's how committed I am to this project.
Quackity: So I wanted to make that extremely, extremely clear as to where I stand on this.
[Quackity in the next line sounds choked up]
Quackity: And this…n-next topic is very difficult for me to process, and it's an extremely sensitive thing, and I was waiting for the correct time for me but…that can wait, no longer. And I need to let everyone know that Wilbur is no longer a part of the QSMP.
Quackity: Lastly, I wanna thank everyone for their patience. This…year…has been very turbulent…for me. And I'm going to be very open; it's been one of the saddest years of my life.
Quackity: I'm trying to move forward and give everyone the best version of myself, and I'm very, very sorry if I've disappointed you.
Quackity: But…nonetheless, I gotta keep moving forward and I'm gonna keep working hard and I'm going to do what's right. And I wanna make this very clear.
Quackity: So thank you everyone. And um, yeah, I hope everyone has a good night. Thank you.
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simpee9000 · 12 days
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Too Easily - Katsuki Bakugo -
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Based off this Blurb
It was too easy, every part of it. How you met him, how you interacted with him, how quickly he got used to you. Every part of it was too easy, too good to be true. But he asked you anyway, he wanted you anyway. You figured it was just another thing in life that came easily. He showed you another way of living, the thrill of romance. The increased heartbeat that came when next to a crush. The a flutter in your stomach when he called your name. The buzz of warmth that covered your entire being after just one kiss. CW: swearing and i think that's it? Word Count: 7.4k
General Studies was no easy task. It was assignment after assignment. Making you do ten times the amount of work any other school had regular students doing. UA wasn't only a prestigious hero school, but an overall school. If you could get in, in any way possible, you were deemed important in society.
A messed up social construct because it didn't take only intelligence but also wealth and connections with people on the school board. Nonetheless, you got in and stayed at a good standpoint for your class. Within the top three overall, if you weren't first when hero students weren't involved.
You were known across the school for how you aced every test with flying colors. Maybe you weren't the most known, since the hero students got all the praise, but right out of that, you were the most known.
It used to be Shinso, due to his 'villainous' quirk. But when he was transferred to the hero course in the second year, all the talk switched to you. It was something you were used to though. Your parents were well-known CEOs so it was nothing compared to the fame they had. Just whispers being spoken wherever you were.
You were close friends with Shinso, and still are, stopping to talk with him in the halls and going to his common room to help him study every once in a while. It gave you more connections to the hero world, and with your parents' advice in life, you made any connection possible. Life was filled with stepping stones, all hard work built into any action, and profit.
When you were with Shinso, a genuine friend of yours, you took time to talk with his friends. Ones who crossed your path when in his busy common room. Normally it was Kaminari who bugged the two of you, and he wasn't much to build off. Sero as well, who mainly flirted with you quietly. Kirishima was a good one to talk with, there was actual conversation there. Same with Deku.
Avoiding conversation wasn't easy in the common area, but you and Shinso also knew only rumors would come if you went to his room. So the two of you adapted, making the people who bugged you, join in and study as well.
That's how you met the infamous Katsuki Bakugo. He was only trying to get his headphones back from Kirishima, but an interruption was an interruption. The group yelling at him to sit down, the group being Kaminari and Mina. You could care less if he stayed or went, the rule was set for the people who consistently bugged you.
"I said two fucking words," Bakugo seethed.
"Don't care," Kaminari pointed to the set, acting like a strict parent with how he raised his chin, "Rules are rules Kacchan."
"This stupid-"
"Bakugo sit the fuck down," Mina added.
"Who do you think you are?" Bakugo raised his arm at her.
You watched annoyed at the bickering, he would definitely apply to the rule now. You looked over your work as they snapped back and forth, wanting to avoid an argument with him. Throughout all three years of high school, his reputation stayed the same. As angry and explosive as ever, and that's after calming down slightly in the first year.
"Bakugo," Kirishima sheepishly spoke out, "You're only making things worse. She's had this rule set for the past month. You're going to go study anyway, just join us."
"Fucking ridiculous," the blonde grumbled, throwing his bag on the table and aggressively pulling out a seat next to you. "I'm not staying long," he bit out, towards you.
You raised a brow and looked at him, "You're disruptive anyway."
He tsked at you, opening his book and throwing down the same worksheet everyone else had out. The sheet that Shinso finished an hour ago, with your help. Shinso was now far ahead on his English essay.
The group took over their silence once again. Kaminari and Mina, the most annoying ones, deep into their math work.
"Kaminari!" you scolded, seeing him lift his phone for a math problem, "You're going to become a hero by cheating?"
"No," he pouted like a puppy.
Before you could, Bakugo took Kaminari's phone, shoving it in his pocket. "How many times do you have'ta be yelled at to fuckin' stop?" Bakugo hissed.
"Sorry," Kaminari shrunk in his seat.
"I'll help you," you sighed, getting up to stand.
Bakugo glared at you, "I can fuckin' do it."
"I've already finished the sheet, I know how to do it," you assured, acknowledging the looks from the table.
"Who the fuck even are you?" he looked you over.
You were used to the everyday person glaring at you, out of jealousy, out of disgust, it didn't matter. But from someone who was expected to be one of the top heroes, from someone in the Big Three? It was something else. You only let yourself shrink in slightly, still saying your name confidently. Surely he would have heard you're name by now, right?
"Hah?"
"I'm going to be the valedictorian? You can't be that socially blind," you blinked at him.
His face settled into recognition, turning to glare at Shinso next, "Is that how you're getting better scores?! You little shit!"
The aggression was off you quicker than you thought. Everyone else turned their attention off you now, not caring what Bakugo would say now that he was talking to a classmate. More so yelling with how Shinso was giving him a lazy smirk back at him.
Before you could get roped back into the conversation you stepped over to Kaminari to help him with the first question on the page. It didn't surprise you that he needed help, he often needed help in math.
What did surprise you though, was Bakugo grumbling to himself when you sat back down in your seat. Not letting you settle in before he poked your forearm with his pencil, nodding his head to his paper when you looked at him.
You leaned into his space slightly and looked over his paper. He moved his pencil over the question, the same one that stumped Shinso. He was looking anywhere but his paper ignoring the fact that he was asking for help.
When you took a breath before starting to talk you instantly got a sharp glare and his hand shoving paper into your hand. Scratch paper was shoved into your space, his pencil being tossed along with it. You gave him a look that read 'seriously' to his reaction. He just gave you a firmer glare. You sighed as you wrote down the steps for him, looking over his work and circling the spots he got wrong. He only messed up on the middle step, something you almost did.
Passing the paper was also a task, he waited until he was sure no one was looking before he snagged it back. His eyes lit up with a flash of annoyance as he saw his simple mistake.
"Hey," Shinso called out to you, dragging your attention away from the blonde, "I think I'm done for the day. I don't wanna write anymore."
You looked at the time, it was barely passing 8 pm, and you'd been working since six. "Fair," you nodded, knowing not everyone was up to studying for hours at a time, "How much did you do?"
"I'm only missing a page now," he stretched out, "It's not due for a week."
"The sooner you're done-"
"The sooner you can forget about it," Shinso rolled his eyes, "I know, not like you say it every time."
"I could say it more," you huffed, grabbing your textbooks and putting them in your bag. Shinso did the same, putting his stuff away much quicker before he said his goodnights, patted your back, and left.
"Am I free?" Mina gave you puppy eyes.
"Yeah, I need to get to my dorm," you smiled at her, watching as everyone at the table sighed in relief and packed up. Taking their leave soon after.
You stayed without much thought. Bakugo was still at the table, clearly wanting to finish his paper now. You didn't want to leave him in case he needed help, it was something you did for all of them.
Only when everyone was gone did he raise his head, quickly taking in that it was only you and him left.
"Thanks, Books," he said gruffly. You knew he was one to give nicknames, having heard him yell a few in the common room, hallways, or sports festivals.
You also knew he wasn't one to hand out thanks. "No problem," you nodded at him, seeing him shove his books into his bag. "You're going to rip your work if you do that, you know?"
"Like I care."
"You should, I wouldn't be surprised to know if you've had to redo homework for that reason only," you stood up, "A folder could save you from taking time out of your training."
He glared at you, showing that you read him like a book, "Whatever," he scoffed.
---
There was no surprise seeing him in the common rooms more, or him helping your small study group. It was all welcomed, he could answer all the small questions when you were already busy. Although he took a different approach than you. Rather than calmly explaining, he yelled.
The surprise only hit when he approached you right after class. Everyone lingering in the hall still debriefing from class that ended only moments ago.
He's been the talk of school recently as well. Having gone nuts when an interviewer asked him personal questions. Ranging from how his parents were to how many people he's slept with. With him being freshly eighteen, it was disgusting. It is disgusting in general but it only gives you a good look at the way society views heroes.
It spread beyond just that, everyone watching the interview and taking it among themselves. Trying to figure out who Bakugo was dating or why he wasn't dating anyone. Piecing together any action he made towards anyone. Trying to say he was dating one of his classmates or someone he was interning with. It was annoying even for you, no one wanted to talk about anything other than his dating life. It was infuriating.
So him showing up at your class out of nowhere confused you even more. With all the rumors going around you expected him to stick to himself, like he was doing for the past week.
"Bakugo?" you asked, seeing him leaning on the wall across the door to your class. You knew you were the only one that knew him personally, in your class.
"Books," he said shortly, kicking himself off the wall and walking towards you, meeting you halfway, in the middle of the hallway.
"Do you need to talk about something?" you tilted your head, confused, "We can go to your common room, I was heading there anyway."
"Nah," he shook his head, putting his hands in his pockets. Casual as ever.
You looked around at the crowd that gathered around you. "Then what do you need?" you asked quietly, wanting to avoid people hearing your conversation.
"Go on a date with me," he ordered more than asked, face plain but voice loud enough for everyone to hear. He gave you nothing to read off.
"Excuse me?" you asked meekly.
"Go on a date with me."
"Bakugo-"
"You stupid or somethin'?" he asked, now annoyed.
"No, I'm just confused," you worded slowly, trying to piece together why he did this suddenly. Is this why he started studying with you? Despite already knowing his stuff and hardly needing help.
"Will you?" he shuffled his footing, going more ridged and less relaxed.
You blinked, looking around quickly at the audience who was now holding their breath, "Yeah," you said breathlessly, "I- sure."
"Good," he relaxed again, "I'll meet you at your dorm room."
He didn't let you add anything before he was walking away, the crowd parting for his exit before rushing up to you.
"You know Bakugo?"
"He likes you?"
"Did you put a spell on him?"
"Hire him?"
"Buy him out?"
"What's your secret?"
Knowing how to manage the media, you did what you were taught. School your expression and walk away, give nothing but keep your head high.
You dealt with people bugging you until you were at your dorm, only at safety when you locked your door behind you. You didn't even tell Bakugo your dorm number, and he didn't have your number. How he was going to get to you, you had no clue.
Your phone buzzes violently in your bug, Shinso calling you.
"You and Bakugo?" he asked immediately when you answered. Word got around quick. It's only been twenty minutes and people knew.
"Apparently? I don't know?" you ran your hands through your hair, trying to think of an outfit for something you didn't even know of.
"How do you not know?"
"Shinso," you placed him on speaker, going through your closest, "He just came to my class and asked me out in front of everyone."
"I know, that's how I found out. But seriously?"
"Yeah," you settled on a semi-formal outfit, hitting the line of whatever was appropriate.
Shinso paused in thought, "He didn't act any different around you though."
"I know," you sighed in frustration, "All he did was ask my help, apparently that means he's into me?"
"He asked for help?"
"Barely," you shuffled out of your clothes, throwing on the outfit in a rush, unsure when Bakugo would pick you up.
Shinso hummed, "He never asks for help, so fuck, maybe he does like you. Be careful though."
You laughed lightly, brushing your hair with your fingers to make sure it was still presentable, "It's Bakugo, not some kind of monster."
"He's unpredictable," Shinso warned.
"I'll be fine Shinso," you brushed off his worries. Changing into a different topic of your day. Mainly listening to him rant about a new game he bought.
A sudden knock made you jump out of your chair, whispering goodbye to Shinso before hanging up.
You opened the door with a polite smile, greeting Bakugo, who was dressed in a similar manner as you.
"Ready?" he asked. You grabbed your keys and locked your dorm room behind you, stepping into the hall that not only Bakugo occupied. The rest of your class was camping outside your room. You glare at them in response, it was rude to be this nosey.
"Yeah, where to?" you asked, looking unsure around your class.
The name of one of the most popular restaurants rattled out of his mouth.
"Bakugo, that place is a fortune-"
"I've got the money."
"It really isn't necessary."
"It is if it's for you," he said smoothly, something completely unexpected from him. Maybe he wasn't as harsh as he put on.
With no more argument coming from you, he grabbed your hand and pulled you to the elevator, finally out of the eyes of your peers.
"I don't think I'm dressed for this," you said honestly as you looked down. You'd meet the dress code easily, but it was still a well-established restaurant.
"You look fine."
You blushed warmly at that. You've been told all about his character in passing. He didn't just throw out things without meaning. "Thanks," you mumbled, following him as he left the elevator.
---
He was an easy person to talk to. No awkward silences that couldn't be filled. Nothing bad to note over the entirety of dinner. He was a gentleman, and it was surprising. Even when the press started annoying you midway through, he didn't fuss. Just told you to ignore them and continue eating. Barely giving them a second glance as he talked to you more. Seemingly curious about how your dumb presentation did.
"Thank you for listening to all my school stuff," you turned to him as you walked back to your dorm, him insisting he needed to walk you back. Despite the guaranteed safety of a hero school. "You're probably the only hero student who can keep up."
"You act like hero students are behind."
"You're in the same math class as Kaminari, it's not hard to claim that I'm leagues ahead in that field," you smiled at him, not wanting to offend him.
"Whatever," he shrugged off.
You turned back to look at the direction you were walking, you still had a couple of minutes, "Thanks for inviting me out, I'm cooped up too much."
"No problem," he said back softly, sharing your tone, "Thanks for agreeing I guess."
"I hardly agreed to anything, more so got ordered," you laughed.
The weather was nice as you walked back. Clear skies, low winds, but cold.
"Ya cold?"
"Kinda," you replied, crossing your arms to warm yourself as you focused on walking.
"C'mere, idiot," he called to you, shrugging off his jacket when you were near, throwing it over your shoulders before continuing to walk like nothing happened.
"Thank you," you said shyly, not used to being catered to, especially by him. Many have asked you out before, none of them interesting or it was easy to tell they had bad intentions, Bakugo's the first to not.
He shrugged off the appreciation, letting silence cover the conversation for a moment.
"You want to know something?" you spoke out, watching how your steps hit the ground at the same time as his.
"Hm?"
"I expected you to be a lot different."
"How?"
"Well in the sports festival you're an animal," you pointed out.
"I'm not an animal," he shook his head in disbelief.
You turned to face him, face deadpan, "You fucking growled at the camera."
Bakugo barked out a laugh at the memory. Though the laugh was violent, it was warming to hear, your smile widening.
"You even bit the cameraman," you added on to the memory, anything to keep him laughing.
"You saw what he did right?" he spoke filled with laughter.
"No?"
"Dude wagged a red flag in front of the camera so I'd look over."
"No!" you gasped, laughter breaking through.
"So I fuckin' showed him an animal."
His expression was cocky with a humorous smile, a laugh still following his words as he guided you to continue moving by your elbow.
"All the interviewers do that shit."
"Hm?" you hummed for him to continue.
"Get in your face, want you to act a certain way. Fuckin' tired of it," he huffed, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Yeah," you were warmed by how he spoke so freely, "They always ask ridiculous questions too," you added on.
"You've been interviewed?" he side-eyed you as you walked.
"Plenty of times, my parents are huge CEOs so they want to know who's next up," you answered any follow-up question he could have, used to others questioning you all about it.
"Gross."
You laughed lightly, "Definitely, the interviews are always so unsettling. Asking every personal question ever," you brought it up just to try to show him you understood him.
"You got no idea, sweets," the tack of a nickname made you flush. Looking away briefly when other students pass by you.
Not wanting the conversation to stop you continued, "I might not to your extent of course, but I've had my fair share."
"Really? What's the worst thing you've been asked?" he challenged.
"If I was willing to have sex with other CEOs in order to expand the company," you gave him a straight face.
He gave a disgusted look in return, "People like that need to be locked up."
"Yeah, hopefully you'll clear the streets for us," you bumped his shoulder with yours, "but what's the worst thing you've been asked?"
"If I fucked Endeavour's sidekick." You cringed in reply. "That, and they always ask my cup size."
A laugh ripped from your throat, your hand slapping up to his arm in response, "No way! Me too!"
He rolled his eyes, "Fuckin' pervs."
Conversation was easy between the two of you, sharing interview questions until you got to your dorm. Him opening all the doors for you on the way there, causing you to blush each time.
Few people scatter your hallway when you get back, turning their attention on you.
"Again next week?"
"Sorry?" you asked confused.
He furrowed his brows, "Did you not have a good time?"
"No, I did," you corrected, "I'm just surprised you're wanting another."
"Of course, I want another," frustration was slowly coming out of his voice, "So will you go on another date with me? Next week?"
"I- yeah," you nodded.
"Gimme your phone," he put his hand out, typing his number in roughly when you gave it to him. "I'll text you."
"Yeah," you were breathless, this didn't feel real.
"You're going to be at my common area tomorrow, right?" his face gave away absolutely nothing, brushing off the idea of a date so casually.
"Yeah," you were too stunned to form more words. He wanted not one, but two dates. And was curious what you were doing the next day. You were never one to fan girl, but with the looks he had, it was hard not to.
"Good, I'll be around," he said shortly, moving to step away.
"You're jacket," you blurted, "I need to give it back."
"Keep it."
He walked away before you could even pull it off your shoulders.
Not wanting the stares of classmates, you quickly hid yourself in your room. Letting the giddy emotions consume you. The rush of emotions from the date were running wild, and you knew better than to show those in front of him, let alone in public.
---
The giddy feeling didn't leave the next day, buzzing in your heart as you went through each class. Unbothered by the people who tried to be nosey or the first years who threatened you. It was all filled with the rushing thoughts, the curiosity you felt when Bakugo said he'd see you today.
Adding a pep to your step as you made your way into his common room, setting up your stuff to study with Shinso.
"Nice ass, I got a real good angle here."
You slapped down your uniform skirt as you straightened your posture. "Gross Mineta," you spat when you turned around to face him.
"Just enjoying the view, wish it was more than a view, like an object-"
You glared at him sharply, "I'm not an object." He was acting worse than the interviewers.
"Not yet-"
"Not ever," you seethed. When you watched his eyes widen you felt relieved to have scared him.
"The fuck happening here?" Bakugo's voice rang out, clearly being the reason Mineta was afraid.
"Nothing," Mineta groaned, "Gotta ruin the fun. Maybe later mamas," Mineta winked at you. A full-body cringe shuttered through you.
"I'll fuckin' kill you," Bakugo stepped closer, Mineta running away in response.
"Thanks-"
"Aren't you usually here at 6?" he cut you off.
"Oh," you clasped your hands behind your back, slightly swaying, "I thought I'd stop by earlier, to see you," you added sheepishly.
"Good thinkin'," he smirked, "Want to-"
Shinso's heavy steps turned your attention. "Hi, Shinso!" you greeted happily, you had so much to tell him.
"It's a bit early," he turned his head to the clock.
"She came to see me," Bakugo answered for you.
"Well not entirely- I'm still going to study at 6," you confirmed.
That night all you did was go over the English book Bakugo's class was reading in the privacy of his dorm. Nothing more, nothing less. However, he did apologize for Mineta.
---
The next month or so followed in a similar footing. Amazing dates filled with heartful talks, even ones that were had to talk about. With him it was easy. Laughing and smiling was easy.
Even the stupid date you were on right now.
"Y'know you should call me by my name."
He had to be joking. You were in the middle of a nice dinner date in his common room, with food he made. "Really? Are seriously trying to get me to call you Dynamight-"
"No idiot-" he huffed looking down at his hands for a second. He was holding his weight on the counter as he stood across from you, leaning into his palms. "I mean Katsuki."
"Oh," you blushed, "Yeah, I guess that'd make sense," you laughed shyly.
His eyes flickered to the common room. Mina, Toru, and Kaminari were all sitting there, obviously spying on you and Bakugo.
"Your cooking is great," you blurted out, wanting his attention instead.
"Hm?" he looked back to you, "Do y'like the spice? I can add more if ya can handle it."
Even after letting you call him by his given name, the conversation stayed easy between you two. Taking steady bites of your meal between talking, trying to ignore the three in the common room.
Throughout the conversation, Bakugo took your empty plate and started washing it. Having you sat on the counter next to him.
"So gentlemen like," you teased as he dried the plate and put it way. He huffed, rolling his eyes when he stood in front of you again.
"Only for you," he spoke confidently, eyes flashing towards the common room before crowding into your space on the counter. Stepping between your spread legs and placing his hands beside your thighs.
You blush at his closeness, straightening your back to gain a few more inches of space, "Bakugo-"
"Katsuki," he corrected.
"Katsuki," you fumbled with his name, "What are you doing?" you whispered.
"What d'ya want me to do?"
Your eyes flashed to the group, embarrassed that you might have an audience. Too embarrassed that you couldn't reply, biting your lip when you looked back at him. Catching his eyes falling to your lips before looking back at your eyes.
He gave you a look and a small nod to see if you were okay, clear with the idea that he wanted to kiss you. When you gave a small nod in reply, he moved his hand up to cradle your cheek. 
Gently pulling you in for a kiss. Connecting your lips with a spark running up your spine. This was your first kiss, and it felt electric. A rush of adrenaline runs through your body at the contact.
When he pulled away you chased the kiss for a moment, letting your eyes slowly flutter open in confusion. His eyes were already on the three in the room over.
"Want to go to your dorm?" you offered, eager to continue kissing him, the thrill was something you think you'd chase for a lifetime.
"It's gettin' late," he glanced at his watch, "I got early training."
You pouted your lip, "Okay, text me?"
"Sure," he patted your thigh and stepped away. Making you blush once more before you hopped off the counter to leave.
---
The relationship between you two continued like that for a while, small kisses in public. All ones you were too shy to start yourself. Even when you wanted to be in the privacy of his dorm, but without his lead you felt blind.
Everyone on campus has seen you together and knows you're dating, but you felt unsure. It felt weird to have everyone think you're dating, but you didn't know entirely. Interviewers have asked him and he just shrugged it off with a smirk. It's never been discussed more, and you had nothing to go off. All that was discussed was a promised date every week and him being around when you tutored Shinso.
All except this time.
"Where's Katsuki?" you asked Shinso once you placed your stuff down.
"Bad interview, he's in his dorm," Shinso shrugged.
"That bad?" you frowned.
Shinso looked at you like you were stupid, "It's Bakugo, it's always bad."
"Hm," you hummed in thought, looking towards the elevator.
"Want to go see your boyfriend?" he rolled his eyes.
"He's not my boyfriend," you shushed.
"Yeah? Tell that to everyone else."
"It just hasn't been brought up between him and I," you confined to him slightly.
"Then ask? I don't know," he sassed.
"Come on Shinso, I'm lost here," you begged, "I've never dated anyone before. I don't know the rules."
"Rules?" Shinso laughed, "There's no 'rules' to dating."
"Help me out," you kicked at his chair.
"Just ask him what you are, he's probably too emotionally constipated to actually ask you out and want you to just know."
"That's embarrassing though."
"Toughen up."
With Shinso's horrible enthusiasm, you were knocking at Katsuki's door before you knew it.
"What?" Katsuki snapped when opening the door, clearly in a bad mood. 
Every emotion was running through your head. Scared? Excited? You name it. It's been three months of this unknown. Dating or not. You wanted to know, you wanted to make the small next steps. Have him as a boyfriend. To meet his mom. Spend more time with him. Call him more often. Kiss him more. All the practiced words wanted to fall right out of your mouth. 
You closed your open mouth, recovering from your thoughts and the aggressive way he opened the door. He was still glaring at you confused. "I- um-"
"Spit it out."
You took a deep breath, licking your lips lightly before letting the word vomit leave your mouth, "I want to know where we stand. Like are we dating? Are you my boyfriend?" you were wringing out your hands and rocking on your heels as you rambled, "Have we been dating? If not, I'd like to. You're such a good guy and just have helped me a lot, and I'd love to actually call you my boyfriend."
Katsuki blinked at you for a moment, his glare gone but the confusion was still painted across his face. 
"Huh?"
You blinked, "I like you Katsuki, and I want an actual relationship. Titles and all, you know?" With his face just scrunching up in more confusion, you gasped, hands covering your mouth, "God! You probably already think it's a relationship, huh? I'm so sorry- I didn't mean to-"
"You like me?" he cut you off.
"I thought that was obvious?" you laughed lightly, embarrassed as you peered up at him.
He shuffles how we was standing, crossing his arms, a confused look gracing his features, "We were just dating to get rid of the fuckin' rumor. I thought y'know?"
Color drained from your face, "Oh!"
Not being able to stand any more of this mortifying experience, you turned on your heels and walked away.
Walking all the way until you were almost out of the Common room.
"You look like you saw a ghost," Shinso stopped you in your tracks.
"Heh," you forced a laugh, eyeing the door with want.
"Go that bad?" Shinso frowned.
"You have no idea.
---
That night was rough. A long shower helped you process everything. All the group outings, all the public displays of affection, not bothering to spend time together unless you were out in public, even if you were in his dorm, everyone knew. It had all been for the press, and it made complete sense. It was all he talked to you deeply about. It's why he thanked you at the beginning of all this.
And yet, despite you being the valedictorian, you were too stupid to realize.
So now you were bawling your eyes out as you hugged your pillow. Feeling so incredibly dumb to think you could pull Kat- Bakugo. The future symbol of strength. You let yourself get so hopeful and wrapped up in the feelings, making yourself blind to the obvious. 
All the small kisses you shared felt like nothing now.
After that night, you picked yourself back up. No longer distracted by him, but more encouraged. You've spent the last three months studying until early in the morning rather than sleeping, all because you didn't want to decline when Bakugo invited you out. So now, you had time. So much of it that you were unsure what to do with it.
Bakugo gave you a week to cool down, not bothering you during your study sessions with Shinso, and not texting you either. You were relieved he was letting this embarrassing moment pass.
You were mad, anyone would be. Bakugo could have told you that it was fake, but no, he let you fall for him. He could of been direct, rather than assume.
"You okay?" Shinso nudged your arm when you were too zoned out on the elevator, fearful that the blonde would appear any moment.
"Hm? Yeah, just preoccupied with my thoughts," you answered automatically, turning your head away from the elevator. It's been a full two weeks, you should be over it by now.
Shinso looked over your shoulder, "Maybe we should leave," he rushed, packing his stuff.
"What? Did you finish already?"
"No, just come on," Shinso grabbed your stuff and packed up too.
"Shinso-"
He grabbed your wrist and dragged you to the elevator, trying to close the doors quickly. 
Only then did you notice Bakugo standing at the entrance, looking lost as he watched the elevator doors close.
---
Shinso was always a good friend like that, looking out for you. He's kept Bakugo from your view more times than you could count in the past two weeks. Shinso was probably more pissed than you.
You had just hung up on him, turning to sitting down at your desk and plotting down points for an essay you had to submit later this week. Always wanting to stay two steps ahead when possible.
A soft rattle of knocks drew your attention away from your work.
"Come in," you called out, turning off your studying music and taking off your headphones. Spinning your chair to see which classmate was bugging you for help now.
"Hey," Bakugo twisted the door open.
You rolled your eyes, "Close the door, unless you want people to hear."
He slowly shut the door behind him and put his hands in his pockets, "Mindfuck said I should-"
"If Shinso sent you to do anything, I don't want to hear it," you crossed your arms.
"That shithead doesn't dictate what I do-"
"But he could," you pointed out.
"Well he's not. Ain't how his quirk works."
"What do you want Bakugo?" you asked plainly, you didn't want to be dragged along again.
He sighed, "Look, I wanted to apologize. What I did was shitty."
"Very, but I don't care at this point," you covered up your emotions, brushing past every night you've cried these past two weeks, "Yeah, you broke my heart or whatever, but it wasn't intentional. Just- you go your way, I'll go mine."
He tightened his jaw, "If that's what you want."
"It is," you lied through your teeth. Moving your chair again to face your work. Ignoring him.
"You don't have to lie if anyone asks," he spoke awkwardly.
You gave him a quick glance, "I wasn't planning to." 
---
When he left once again, you felt relieved to have that conversation over. Wanting to bury the sad story of your first 'relationship.' 
Sticking to what you knew best, school. You breezed through each test. Earning any extra credit possible and going to any internship possible. Limiting your tutor hours to hours you knew Bakugo was busy.
Your resume was solid, you'd be graduating with an associate's degree and would immediately start work with your parents the second you graduated. All while working towards a master's degree. Not only did you fill up your current time, but you'd be busy after high school as well.
Even now you were often at your parents' office when school was over, getting prepared for your role there. You'd be the youngest boss to work there, and many people were pissed. How could a freshly graduated teenager get paid more than them?
With tons of hard work. All the hard work pays off when you actually graduate as Valedictorian. Having press all in your face when you gave your graduation speech to the class. Talking about the highs and lows. Mentioning the hero course and the courage they faced, even when people thought they weren't made for it. Most of the speech was for Shinso.
The press was crazy afterward, you didn't have a moment to yourself. While you thought the press would be small since UA was high security, you were wrong. They took the funding they could get, and in return, they let people in.
Mainly the hero course was being interviewed, but you got surrounded as well.
"Ma'am! Tell us how you got such a high job position?"
"How much money will you make?"
"I'd love to get your insider opinion on the heroes here?"
"Hard work earns a lot more than just money," you answered the first two questions, "While the Heroes here are outstanding. They'll do the world a lot of good."
"Do you know any of them personally?"
"A few in Class A," you smiled in reply. You needed press and this was a great way to get your name out.
"So are you still dating Dynamight?"
The question shocked you for a moment, you thought all that dropped when you and him argued. You guess they just thought you were distant because of work. Your eyes widened, immediately looking away from the interviewer so you could compose an answer.
Unforantly, Bakugo was getting interviewed right beside you. Making eye contact with you while the press hounded him. Flying through different questions about his relationship status.
"Ma'am?"
"Um," you stuttered, unsure what to do.
 Every press training you've gone through left your mind. Bakugo's helpless face replaced it instead. He hated the press, he hated dealing with an audience. But he hated it even more when it wasn't about his work. Hating when people asked personal things or assumed things because of his looks. 
"Excuse me, I need to go save my boyfriend."
You walked away quickly, faking your confidence in your walk as you made your way to him. Regretting your decision already but it's too late to go back now.
"Is this your girlfriend?" the press immediately switched to ask when you showed up to his side.
"No-"
"Yes," you grabbed his arm, giving him a glare, "Now, we have to go spend time with out families. Please excuse us." You smiled at the interviews, tugging Katsuki away from the mess of it all. "How do you fall for such a trap?" you yelled at him in a hushed tone, looking around to make sure no one was near.
"Huh?"
You spun to face him when you finally found some space. "When they start going down that path you switch the topic, not blank, and get angry."
"Well I'm sorry I'm not miss fuckin' perfect," you hissed at you, crossing his arms.
"You had media training!" you threw your hands up helplessly.
"Whatever, are you just going to yell at me?"
You bit your tongue before you yelled again, looking around instead. "Now we have to deal with the press thinking we're dating."
"I'll just tell them no-"
"That's stupid, I just blatantly told them we were," you huffed, "We'll just sit and wait for it to go away."
"That'll take forever-"
His mom stepped into your view.
"Why are you hiding?"
"I'm not," Bakugo crossed his arms, "Mind y'business."
"Are you his girlfriend I've been hearing about?" her sharp eyes landed on you.
"No-"
"Yeah," Bakugo glared at you this time instead.
"Oh!" She smiled brightly, ignoring how you said no, "You should join us for dinner!"
"Oh, no I shouldn't intrude," you shook your head, not knowing what you would do if you said yes.
"It's not intruding! Please, my boy hardly has anyone. I'd love to get to know the girl that stole his heart," she smiled warmly.
"Ma' she has family-"
"They're actually busy tonight, so I'd be free," you shrugged, liking seeing Bakugo get antsy. 
"Great!"
---
"I'd love to know how you guys got together," Mitsuki asked as you handed you a dish to plat your food.
You and Bakugo shared a look.
"I asked her out," he shrugged.
"More than that," she hissed in his direction.
"Well," you looked between the two, not wanting to witness a family argument, "We met from me tutoring someone in his class. Started to get to know each other in passing and he asked me on a date. Not too exciting," you replied instead as you dished up.
Mitsuki shook her head, "Boring as ever, I thought his father would raise him to be more romantic."
"Where is dad anyway?" Bakugo spoke just after swallowing an inhuman-sized bite of food.
"Work needed him, he after you saw him earlier," she spoke to Bakugo before turning to you, "He'd love to meet you."
"Thank you for inviting me," you flushed.
"So, back to terms of your relationship," she started, gaining a groan from Bakugo, "I know he isn't too roped up in relationships often, the last girl he was with was in middle school! Are you the same? I know I wasn't at your age," she laughed kindly.
"Actual this is my first relationship," you poked at your food.
"The hell-"
"Watch your mouth!"
Bakugo turned to you fully, "You didn't tell me that."
You shrugged, "Never came up."
"Was I your first-"
"Kiss?" you finished for him, "Yeah."
Bakugo just stared a you for a moment, huffing before rubbing his hands over his face. Slamming his hands on the table and making his exit. Leaving you with his mom.
"He didn't know?"
You forced your eyes away from where he left, "No, we never really discussed it."
"Maybe it's time to?" She offered. A mom classic.
"I don't know," you looked down at your plate.
"He's a handful, I know, but just give him a shot."
With the way she was acting and the read on her personality, you got so far, you knew she'd slap him upside the head if she knew everything.
But maybe it wouldn't hurt to get everything out.
"I guess."
"He's room is upstairs to the right, first door."
You gave her a smile before excusing yourself.
Knocking at his door before you knew it. Just like the night.
"Fuck off."
"Bakugo," you opened the door regardless, he was holding his head in his hands, elbows on his knees as he sat on the side of his bed.
He looked up at you, "What?"
"Sorry I didn't tell you," you said honestly. You didn't fell bad about it before, mainly wrapped up in how he never told you anything.
"No- fuck, don't apologize," he stood up, "don't need to do that for me. I'm fucking sorry. I didn't know, you didn't deserve that."
You hummed for him to continue.
"I'd never of asked if I knew."
"Why did you ask me?" the question has been nagging at you since.
"Hah?"
"To fake date you, get the rumors to go away."
"You seemed least likely to snitch or freak out over it," with the way his shoulders fell, you could tell that he was saying the truth, "Your clean image also helped."
It made sense. The 'bad boy' dating the valedictorian to help graduate. So not only did you fall for the classic cliche of fake dating, but also dating the bad boy.
"You also caught my eye," he confessed, shifting his footing.
"Sure," you rolled your eyes. He likely didn't want you to call everything off. Flatter you so you stuck around for his image. You've seen it all before.
"I'm not fuckin' around."
"I don't want to hear it," you stopped him there, "I'm not falling for whatever trap you have planned."
"I didn't mean to trap you-"
"You could have told me that it was for the rumors, and I would have agreed. But no, you assumed I knew or something."
"Sorry."
"Are you?" you shot back, "Or is that to make sure I don't start 'rumors.'"
"Seriously books," he glared at you.
"What?" you glared at him, "You go from being upset that you were my first kiss, to saying I caught your eye anyway? If that was actually true you could have asked me out for real."
"Then go out with me-"
"Seriously Bakugo?" you looked at him annoyed, "How would I know now? I don't know you."
"Yes you do-"
"No I don't! I know you hate the press and that's it," you huff frustrated.
He thought for a moment, "You know I like spicy foods."
You laughed at how ridiculously this was, "Doesn't matter."
"I hate how I fuckin' sweat so much. I like working out, anything to get my adrenalin running-"
"Bakugo, whatever you're doing isn't going to work," you shook your head, "I can't let myself go into this again.
"Why not? I'm not in this for anything but you."
"There's still rumors," you sighed, "So I'll never be sure if it's for me or not."
"I wouldn't fucking do that."
"I don't know you Bakugo," you crossed your arms.
"This is fuckin stupid, I try and do what you said and you say no."
"I said I would agree then, not now. I can't just say yes to dating you when last time you rejected me."
"I didn't reject you."
"You just stood there! You didn't do anything but look at me confused! Never even brought it up after," you pointed out.
"You just sprung that on me, you can't spring shit on me and expect me to know how to react!"
You took a deep breath, "I didn't expect anything really, Just thought you'd say anything but what you did."
He glared at you, "You can't just force people to like you."
You looked to glare at the wall instead of him, "That's not what I meant and you know that. I wanted you to like me back sure, but I wasn't going to flip if you said no. The only reason I avoided you was because I was dating you the entire time you were fake dating me."
"So?"
"It's embarrassing," you confessed, "I don't want to do that again."
"Let me prove it to you."
"What?"
He stepped close to you, crossing through his surprisingly clean room, "I'll prove that this time isn't fake."
"How?" you laughed, "I don't think you can fix this."
"Lemme try."
"Fine," you challenge, out of curiosity. You couldn't get more hurt than you already were. Plus you'd be too busy for him to try anyway.
---
If you want a part 2 lmk! It'd likely have smut though! Just a btw! I never reread so I hope this lived up to the hype! I've been crazy busy!
@kcch-ns @saucypeanuttt @cyanide-pancakes @gold24fish @randomchaosyay @minkyungseokie @endlessfreaky @suki0 @lovra974 @okayiamkassandra @myrunawaysweets @pirana10 @ginevraxrogers @katbug37
Thank you guys for the love!! <3
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mythvoiced · 2 years
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@jeoseungsaja | the great beta editor pilgrimage
---
How much longer can he resist, how much longer can he deny before the stranger's words become reality?
There's a ringing in his ears that isn't even truly there. It's... ghost-like, it's as though he's imagining it solely because he doesn't know how else he should be able to describe what's been stomping around in his mind.
Addressing the accident as a whole was a feat. He doesn't want to think about the helplessness he'd felt, the utter shame that reached him after whenever he thought on the sobbing that had burst through and out of him as if intent on lacerating his throat.
He doesn't want to think about the crying and the pleading and the way his heart beat fast enough it felt as though his chest was caving in, if it hadn't actually been. The shape of his leg and the white pain in it, the shrieking in his shoulder, the blood that belonged some to him, some to someone else.
He doesn't want to think about it because he'd rather it turn into as distant a memory as the faint whispering he sometimes tricks himself into believing had been there as well.
But if he heeds the stranger's words - and they sound like the warning he's been pushing away for so long, as if death itself had shown and is trying to help him look into the headlights of the truck speeding his way - then how much more can he do and for how much longer can he play this game before the noose around his neck tightens more than he can loosen it?
Before he finally slips?
Chul-soo presses his palms to his ears and shuts his eyes tight.
The other's features swim plastered onto the inside of his eyelids. The pale skin and the intrusive stare, the jolt away from his hand, as if he was a ghost Chul-soo wasn't allowed to touch, as if an hallucination that doesn't want him to know he isn't actually there.
And next to his unforgiving features, he sees the glow of unkempt black hair under moonlight and the vicious grip of ancient claws sticking into his flesh, unearthing his insides to plant him into soil that isn't his, that isn't him, that isn't him.
He doesn't understand that last part.
A name? A soul? A who?
"I don't know what to do," he shatters into a plea, his hands ripping from his ears to reach for the man's front instead, his eyes blown wide with the tears he's yet to shed from that rainy day.
He's let them slip onto the already wet street and refused to spill them ever since. And now they collect at the corners of his eyes and he pleas, like he's vowed to never do.
"I don't know what to do, what the fuck am I supposed to do-!?"
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