#but I've always said I'm not romantic in a socially expected way but I am romantic in my own idea of romance

[shine-reblogs]

So, I always found the 'soulmates always find each other and fall in love' trope kinda... lame?

Now, soulmates that always find each other because their souls are tied together but form a variety of relationsips? Soulmates that can be lovers, but also besties, and enemies, and mentor and student, and mother and daughter, and siblings, and... fuck, I don't know, someone needing a transplant and their donor? Now THAT'S my shit!

Ironically, I also find the second one to be a far more romantic idea than the 'always fall in love' one xD

[lavenderlyncis]

Join me in reviewing Olivia Rodrigo's album GUTS. I've waited years for this!!

all-american bitch - 9/10, big fan. I love it when she screams because the world is unfair. same girl, same

bad idea right? - 10/10. I know this one is controversial but I LOVE her more punky songs, I think that's when she's best

vampire - 10/10. I'm not always a fan of piano ballads, but the bridge and outro really make it for me. The hurt turning into anger and despair is just so cathartic. And the video is one of my faves of all time

lacy - 1000/10. What the hell. Did not expect to feel this much emotion from that title. Uhhh... yeah, same. I super relate to that. Whether or not lacy is supposed to be a real person or a manifestation of the beauty standard, this hits. Also, idk if I'm making this up but I dig the romantic undertones, they sell it

ballad of a homeschooled girl - "I made it weird, I made it worse"/10. OLIVIA HOW DID YOU KNOW that I lie awake thinking about all the weird things I did and said, Olivia, did you write this for me specifically??? Every day I am alive IS social suicide. I'm sorry, this is my song, actually. "Can't think of a third line", she's so real

making the bed - "I'm playing the victim so well in my head"/10. How. Does. She. Do. It? I could write an entire essay about this song. Maybe THIS is my song?? She's so good at saying exactly how I feel. I already know that this song will play a million times on my phone. Also I love the drivers license references. Big fan of the making the bed metaphor

logical - 9/10. favourite crime vibes. She's good with these songs about bad relationships. Used to be my favourite thing she did, but now I'm more invested in the songs that are about her/other experiences. That being said this song is really fucking good. This is the Olivia I fell in love with and she's still amazing at doing piano ballads

get him back! - 9/10. Olivia having ANOTHER song with speak-singing where she wants to get back with her ex?? Yes, PLEASE. Bad idea right 2.0. Fucking obsessed

love is embarrassing - 10/10. I said it before I'll say it again, angry Olivia is the best. And she's right, love IS embarrassing as hell

the grudges - 10/10. She does the paino ballads SO WELL. I think this is my favourite one on here. Because, wow, yeah, that is how it is

pretty isn't pretty - i can't rate this/10. GOD, I love it when she talks about insecurities. And don't think I don't see that skipping lunch line. It's sp hard to articulate how this song makes me feel. Especially since I've been low key comparing myself to her, even though we have entirely different bodies and faces. It's nice to know she also struggles with this. And she's right, you could do literally anything to change your appearance and you'd still be unhappy

teenage dream - 100000/10. "Is it recording? Of course it is.", the way I gasped. Okay, I love the interpretation of it ending with a child to be about growing up and childhood innocence. But the line she says?? Especially combined with the meaning of the song it feels a lot like it's about taking away youth by recording it and putting it out there just like she was supposed to be everyone's teenage dream as a child actor and young musician. This feels so personal to her while also being relatable to others. I'm 19 too, Olivia and I are born in the same year. And this is exactly how I feel about growing up. I hope it gets better, my teenage years were crap, I'm tired of being young, but it's also the only thing I can hold onto. I'm honestly terrified of turning 20. But hey, Olivia did it, so... it'll get better, right?

[nico-esoterica]

More about celeb sps!

"But what about the millions of other people manifesting them?" 🤔⭐

There's the perspective that they've successfully manifested them in their personal realities, but I'm an elitist. In every other reality, I believe I am the only person my man would ever want to be with, consider, or fathom as a partner. I am the best of the best. I am the only person to ever exist in his world he'd want to be with intimately. I don't care who he's been with. I'm the best lover, best romantic partner, most attractive person to exist in their world. I am always infinitely better. I am what dreams are made of. Billions of the most attractive and good men in the world would kill irl to be with me or even be in the same room with me. Women and other identities too!~

This is how you need to think. If you think anyone's manifesting them? No, they're not lol. Because they'd never do it successfully or have the confidence and conviction to maintain it. They're also not you. And they're weak bitches! I said what I said. I've never thought small in my entire life and I have unwavering confidence, self discipline, and belief in myself. I am self-obsessed and radiate power, magnetism, and sex appeal. I'm also the most beautiful person I've ever personally come across, alive or dead. In a room full of the most conventionally beautiful people, my sp would only have eyes for me. Even in an industry full of surgical beauties! Idgaf! Even if I wasn't gorgeous, my sp would still think I was! Now, let's discuss stalkers and other criminals and what makes you different:

You're always winning in your reality, even if that winning is you losing, lol. You're winning in the assumption that you can't have what you want or who you want. That's winning but just not in your favor.

Even if millions of people are casting love spells or manifesting your person, they will always fail because you've rendered them ineffective in your reality. Also, AGAIN, you are YOU! Someone can only 'take' your sp if you THINK it's possible that they can be taken! That's why you need to STAND THE FUCK UP! Would you wanna be with you? I would wanna be with me! My sp is LUCKY that I even give a fuck the way I do lmao! I also personally believe whoever you're manifesting is manifesting YOU back! That's how manifesting people works objectively if you look at stories of couples who've described how it feels on both ends.

I don't consider stalking to be something celebs want but may be what they expect due to their job and not thinking they're in control of their realities, etc. I also put obsessive fans in that category because their emotional investment makes them money lol. But as a celeb who wants to be genuinely loved as a human being, I do believe they're manifesting the right person for them and that spectrum of possibility will involve someone that's potentially a fan or was one due to the magnitude of their fame. But this person would truly love and appreciate them. That's the difference. When Hailey Bieber and Victoria Beckham were manifesting their men as fans, they wound up in healthy and happy relationships with them. Thriving, tbh.

But the typical 'fan' is usually someone with piss poor self esteem, puts their fave on a pedestal, and may think they have to force themselves on their fave to 'get them to like them' when that's just abuse and assault. That's due to poor self concept and probably due to having an unhealthy relationship with them bc of social alienation from Capitalism, untreated/misdiagnosed neurodivergence because of lack of money and access to quality healthcare, and a combination of factors where their fave is the only 'good' experience in their lives. You're always telling yourself a story. With your sp, celeb or not, it's the same thing.

These people don't believe that they can successfully 'be' with their fave without breaking the law or bypassing personal boundaries and that lack of self belief is because of bad self concept and personal self esteem. They don't think they would ever choose them without them needing to force it to happen. When you're manifesting like Hailey, Victoria, etc, you're putting yourself on the pedestal instead. You're believing that there's no way in hell that celeb sp WON'T want you for just existing. I don't know those women personally but it takes audacity and that audaciousness is a result of a strong self concept about themselves and what they're capable of. But it doesn't have to be all that.

You don't even have to like yourself to manifest a celeb sp, but most people don't tell themselves that they can just exist and the sp will find them and fall in love with them.

That's the difference between a stalker, saesang, and toxic person vs another person manifesting them. You'd think there's overlap but there's a distinct difference in mindset. You don't need to be in creepy group chats full of criminals exchanging stolen personal info or do any weird shit but people do most likely because that's the only way they think they'll get access to their sp. They're still insecure, lol.

That's why people commit crimes anyway and is the way our system is set up. They're still manifesting that fraudulent access but they rarely, if ever, land the full blown relationship where their sp wants them back. Their sp not wanting them back despite all the weird shit (bc people irl DO have relationships w/ toxic people) is proof that they DON'T think or believe this person wants them. Otherwise they'd think it was cute or something because they'd see them as the one and only exception. That rarely happens with celebs, even though I'm sure it does, but that not being the norm means those people manifesting celeb sps simply don't think they can do it deep down.

That's why you're one out of millions or a billion, honestly. Even if someone seems very confident, unless they have consistent commitment to their inner story like con artist Anna Delvey, for example, then they won't be successful.

Because that's all it takes with anything, sp or not. It's the story you're telling yourself. It doesn't have to feel real. You just need to not change it.

Like I said, the other girls are weak bitches. It just is what it is.

[waywardsculs]

This place is a ℂ𝕀ℝℂ𝕌𝕊,

you just see the surface They cover shit under the rug

You can't see they're 𝔽𝔸𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾,

they'll never be naked

Just fill your drink with tonic gin,

this is the American dream

Hey yo what's up you filthy fucking sinners welcome to my little multimuse blog for Vivziepop's HAZBIN HOTEL and HELLUVA BOSS , featuring characters like VELVETTE , LILITH and FIZZAROLLI .

That said, I go by Ritsu, She/Her or They/Them, 30, Australian and just generally tryna chill. You can find my rules below.

OTHER BLOGS

@constellaris ( multifandom multimuse, sideblog ) @harmonysheart ( robin from honkai star rail, sideblog )

AFFILIATED WITH: @bittcnneck , @hellshoard , @cxncrie , @ochtendster / @dageraadster , @sinfuldxgenerates ♥

Header & Promo Credit. || Pinned Credit. Dash Icon Credit. || Icon Template Credit. MDNI & 18+ Warning Credit. || Divider Credit.

IMPORTANT NOTE : if you ship adam with charlie, for both of us, it would be best you do not follow me if you don't intend to tag it. i'm sorry, but it makes me so vehemently uncomfortable that i just would prefer to keep my distance.

Keep the setting of the show in mind when looking to interact. Not all muses will be friendly or even remotely nice. Don't take it personally.

I'll be as canon divergent as I feel like. Let's face it, the second we take up writing a character we're making shit that ain't ever gonna be canon. Let's just have fun.

Muse ≠ Mun. Shouldn't have to say this, but I will anyway. Some muses might be assholes, but I try not to be. You're free to come talk to me any time, I'm usually just tired lmao.

I will not be following any pre-conceived relationships with OCs unless specifically discussed prior to interaction. For example, one of my OCs (Ambriel) has her main story tied to Velvette, being that she works for her, however this only applies to my Velvette. I will not push this on any others who write Velvette, and I expect the same in return.

I am very into shipping. Our muses should kiss. Bang. Fuck around. You know what it is. I'm a ship hoe and I don't care.

NSFW content may be present. I'll make sure it's tagged as #nsfw cw or #suggestive cw for easy blocking if you guys need it, but don't be surprised if it shows up from time to time. You shouldn't be, not with the nature of the show.

Mutuals only. Meaning you need to be following this blog and be followed in return from my main blog for us to count as mutuals. If you are using a hub blog, please have your blog(s) linked somewhere so I know who you are. Otherwise I block personals on sight.

Due to personal reasons, I will only ever touch on angst threads / content in general with people I feel I can trust immensely. Please do not push me for this. I may also post occasional ideas, but I will be very picky about who I explore these with.

Every ship is in its own verse and completely separate from one another. There will never be any form of infidelity occurring on this blog in any way. To expand on this, I also will not partake in any polyships or any situations where my muse has more than one romantic or sexual partner.

I never try to hide the fact that I do struggle with my mental health a lot, and I cannot stress enough that I need any and all of my partners to be understanding with it. I have been formally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder. All of this is by no means an excuse in any way for anything, I simply hope this may help explain some of my behaviour at times.

I have a life away from Tumblr. I won't always be around to write replies or chat. That's how life is. I work, I have responsibilities, and those take priority.

I don't do passwords/pass phrases. If I follow you, it's safe to assume I've read your rules. I always do before following anyone.

I'm not here for drama. I know you see this everywhere, but I'll be real - I barely have the spoons to live lately. I just wanna vibe and enjoy a hobby, not take part in any bullshit. Leave me out of things unless it's absolutely imperative I know about something.

No art on this blog is mine unless I openly state otherwise. The usual. Let's leave it at that babes.

Ships I Will Not Write / Do Not Like

I will not be elaborating on why I dislike them or won't write them. These are simply things I've found I really don't like and, if possible, would prefer tagged so I can simply block them.

AdamsApple (Adam/Lucifer), Velmilla (Velvette/Carmilla), Charlastor/Radiobelle (Alastor/Charlie), Valentino/Angel Dust, Adam/Charlie, Valentino/Charlie

[neuroticbookworm]

Soulmate Skepticism vs Romanticism in La Pluie

I am a soulmate skeptic. I don't believe there's one person destined for each of us on this planet.

I'm also a staunch pessimist on matters of romance and love. I constantly conduct a cost-benefit analysis in my head for every romantic relationship I see in my life. "It doesn't make sense" is almost always the first thing that pops into my head when I see people in love.

Do I sound an awful lot like someone from La Pluie? Why yes, it's our resident Soulmate Skeptic and Slenderman wannabe, Lomfon! That must mean that I liked him immediately, right?

Love is not a competition that you can win or lose. It's something you feel and share. There are a million things in and around love that can be made sense of, and added up like a math problem, like interests, hobbies, morals, desires, and fears, but the feeling of love itself is not logical. And I hate the part of me that can't get over that fact, and I'm working on it.

That's why I was initially so wary of Lomfon. I thought the show was gonna let him run amok and then teach him a "lesson" about love, after all the destruction is said and done. And then, episode 8 came around, and Lomfon became the character with the most potential for growth in the coming episodes, and I was so excited to see how the show would take him on this journey.

How do you teach a skeptic to believe? You give him a situation that he cannot logic his way out of, aka, two potential soulmates. This is the story I expected to play out last night, but of course, they subverted this expectation because this show is made by people who are much smarter than me.

Episode 9 is crafted to make skeptics believe in spontaneous, head-in-the-clouds love, rooted in coincidence, but the target is not Lomfon, but me. And possibly you. And all of us, the audience.

I'm going to take a broad, but confident guess that the people reading this piece are non-believers when it comes to soulmates. It sounds too good to be true and so fantastical to ever happen in real life.

Soulmate trope exists for a reason. It's comforting to think about a person who exists right now who might cross paths with us on a random day and change our lives for the better. When life is cruel and relentless and we long for better times, we wish we could reach into the future and get a hug from the person we haven't even met yet, but who will someday mean everything to us and more. When life is kind to us, on a warm sunny day, we could be hit with sudden melancholia for a lover we have not loved yet.

In La Pluie, Patts and Tai wanted to defy their destinies at different points in the show. And they did, in their own way. In episode 8, they decided to be with each other not because they could hear each other when it rained, but because they like each other and choose to be together.

The show constantly puts the soulmate trope under a microscope and analyzes it, criticizes it and subverts it. But episode 9 was different. It leaned into the trope. It established a connection between Patts and Tai that was completely circumstantial and could end abruptly at any given moment. And it did, with the death of Patts' grandma.

I've been wondering since last night: why take this detour? And I believe that the show knows its audience, know that our cynical brains would get extremely excited by a piece of media dissecting the idea of fated love and commenting on it. How choice matters more than anything else. And I see episode 9 as its attempt to nudge us in the opposite direction, ever so slightly. Because while the Rainverse of La Pluie can bring many complications to the love lives of the main characters, real life is much, much worse.

In the sport of modern dating, a clear mind with sound logical abilities is the key skill required for success, according to all the self-proclaimed relationship experts on social media. Our guts are not to be trusted anymore, since we are all traumatized and will automatically seek a shitty relationship because that's the one that feels familiar. Love-bombing is a manipulation technique, you must read about it and be aware of the ways to spot it. Do you know what Negging is? The red flags, green flags, and beige flags? Every action, every gift, every romantic gesture might have a sinister intention behind it.

Finding love is an exhausting process. Yes, it is important to be informed and safe, but in the process, we tend to forget the beauty of the very thing we are trying to find. The beauty of love is not singular in the choices that we make. Mature and time-hardened love is beautiful in its strength and choice, yes, but budding, fledgling love can also be beautiful in its spontaneity. And while finding your perfectly compatible person can feel pretty amazing after hours of meticulous swiping on apps, so can the knowledge of finding out YEARS later that your lives were ever so briefly intertwined in the past and you didn't even notice it at the time.

Emotional maturity and compatibility are necessary to sustain love, but spontaneity, silliness, and sometimes, happenstance are the ones that sweeten it. The show appreciates the skepticism about destiny and fate, but it also makes sure to never position itself against romance. Against the possibility of life surprising us in the moments we least expect it. Because while we strive everyday to make some sense of the chaos life throws us into, it might not hurt to let our heads float to the clouds, every once in a while, and see the beauty in chaos.

[shadowbrightshine]

My mom, who is in her 40s came into my room asking me about a tag she saw on a romance book sale. "Tail play" She doesn't really read romance but she was looking for paranormal fiction and she does like werewolves and they all seemed to be there. Also she was looking for one of her favorite authors and hoped one or two of her books would be onsale.

This led into a really interesting conversation. See my mom is a strong Christian, and I am too. I'm a monsterlover, and a furry. (ace and sex repulsed but I do read kink focused smut because the lead up is usually much better than normal stuff.) and she was obsessed with Vampires as a teenager.

So people aren't annoyed by the length.

She says she looked up most of them, and she figured out the rest. But one, the tail one she didn't get any results from Google searches and figured I, the self proclaimed monster lover and the one who she knows has more adult friends than she has might know what Tail play is. (I use a lot more social media and have a bunch of close friends on an 18+ server, so nice to just have other adults around. I like hanging with my other teen friends but it's nice to have a break.)

She thought it might be like butt plugs, which could be, but she mentioned it was the paranormal section and I explained it's a very popular thing to make the tail an eroginous zone. It can be used well, or used as a lazy way to get a character in the mood without trying. (I actually learned about it from gacha videos when I was 14, but I didn't know that wasn't a real animal thing for a bit so I avoided touching dogs tails so they wouldn't get mad at me lmao)

She doesn't read smut, and doesn't even really like romance. At least not when it's the focus, so when she was looking around she ran unprepared into the bottom bin romance 'trash' and actual romance trash. She was shocked by all the noncon, and she said she felt a bit sick even just reading some of the descriptions of the stories. We talked about the Fantasy but also that it's weird. It's odd that so many romance books marketed to young adults feature noncon and straight up rape.

Sometimes it feels like an excuse for lazy writers to ignore any chemistry because they can just force the sex scenes. Which is. Not good.

She also stumbled upon omegaverse and I explained it to her. I don't read it myself, I respect the place it has in internet history and fandom culture but I've never liked the alpha beta omega stuff, even before the Alpha Male Bros tm came a crawling, begging for scraps of coolness. She didn't like it. She also prefers more women in her stories and omegaverse by default is mostly men.

But one of the big things to me, was when she was talking about the possessiveness in a ton of werewolf fiction. She didn't like how everything seemed to only cater to the desire to be required to stay and to be owned. To be dominated. She says she's always preferred what little romance she reads to be more equal. Which, to me isn't surprising due to how my mom is, but may to the idea of a strong protestant Christian many have in their head.

I explained it's a very popular trope. Personally? I'm 50/50 on it. I'm up for a little "be mine" and "you're all mine" but it's just so overpowering. It's hard to find the werewolf as the sub, or without the power play.

Mom and I ended up talking about our various reader woes, her in the Christian fiction and general fiction world, and I in the fanfiction and fandom world. And the monsterfiction community.

We both spoiled ourselves by reading really good books, or for me fanfiction, and good books because my father is a Sci fi buff and has a massive collection of some beautiful stories. And also I'm autistic and if I don't think a story is good near the start I can't finish it. I can't hate read anything.

My mom and I bonded over something I didn't expect, the lead up. Mom enjoys tasteful scenes, or as she says "closed door" or fade to black sex scenes. We both love the romantic tension when written well. That's why I tend to seek out kink stuff. The lead up is more necessary. But I've never really enjoyed the sex part of smut.

And worse sometimes people stop trying during the sex scenes. Like the writing quality drops because "why try the people reading already got excited, they know what to do."

I personally love reading sexual tension, I love the kissing and the rubbing and the wanting. I love reading about the hot and bothered. But I don't like reading about genitals and I never have. Kink, especially those with unusual eroginous zones tend to focus more on that. Also monster fiction, if it is with really weird monsters, will use unique situations and open up to some amazing writing. I even skim past the actual sex scenes half the time. But if you write good lead up, I'll probably give it a look.

Mom has started to develop the "pickiness" some of us fandom lovers have as she gets older, and we bonded over the wish for more of specific things without being able to find it. Me with empty tags, her with genre issues.

Because the best stuff is hard to categorize, which is cool. But it sucks! Because it's really hard to categorize and find more of. We make it work.

But I think it was a really interesting conversation.

[bimboficationblues]

maybe a weird/unwelcome question but... am i reactionary for my partner ending up being my housewife? we both have conditions that make it hard for us to integrate into the labor market but i'm a bit better so i've ended up being the wageslave. i make enough for both of us and my partner would much rather not work lol. the result is that they do most of the stuff around the house and they pretty much always cook etc., i'm usually exhausted out of the two of us. i feel weird about it but they claim they actively enjoy doing these things out of love for me; i've read enough marxist feminist lit to be wary of romantic koolaid though, and the way they sometimes get fatigued makes me uneasy (i do what i can to help of course). idk tell it to me straight if i'm doing something wrong here. it might come off as strange to ask a tumblr user who doesn't know us but nobody i know irl is like marxpilled or anything lol

no I don’t think that makes you a reactionary - a lot of our societies are set up for that precise arrangement to be convenient. there’s a reason this division of labor is a popular one (besides state sponsorship of it, obv), as the primary alternative is both parties doing both waged labor and unwaged housework. and also people have different strengths and capacities and I think there needs to be an expectation of honesty in a relationship about one’s own capacity, which it sounds like exists *based on what you’ve said.* if your partner is cool with it then that’s that. (as opposed to like, the frequent gendered social coercion, entitlement, or expectation of housework that we are familiar with as the dominant method of dividing these kinds of labor.) and idk, love is great, but also these things still need to get done and y’all have to make decisions about that.

idk I don’t think it’s helpful to like analyze your personal life through politics and class analysis all the time, and as described this sounds like a mutual decision about survival in the world we live in. that said, it’s also not a bad thing to evaluate if you’re living the way you want to and in accordance with your values in community with others so I don’t think you’re weird or unreasonable for thinking about it.

[wardenred]

Sapphic September 3: 3 AM

Pretty much a free writing exercise, I guess.

The familiar ringtone I haven't heard in six months rips through the silence of my apartment. Shabby, my ancient cat, twitches an ear in her sleep and stretches, pushing the phone off its usual charging place on the edge of my mattress. On the floor, it continues singing the song of the past, and I should really pick it up—the phone, not the call, any wise person would simply ignore the call—but I'm frozen.

"Meow," Shabby says. Her eyes are still closed, but her annoyance is apparent. I nearly fall out of my desk chair as I scramble up, then down on my knees. I stare at the phone screen. The initial followed by a sparkling heart emoji blinks back at me. I remember changing that heart to a broken one on the evening of our oh so amicable break-up, then deciding I was being too dramatic and refusing to save the change.

The song goes on and on, an old melancholy tune with a trace of hope in it. Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You. What did I ever expect, really, with a song like that to serve as our romantic theme? She all but warned me on the very first night when I heard her sing in that dumb karaoke bar for the first time.

Behind the paper-thin wall, a neighbor coughs. I draw a breath. The last two brain cells I possess vote unanimously for tapping Dismiss, and like the fool that I am, I go for Accept instead.

"Yes?" I've got the perfect excuse for my shaky voice, for how long it's taken me to respond. Just look at the time!

"Hey you." She dares to sound just like herself, like all these months of distance have never happened, and I think I'll never breathe again. Consider me dead. "So what are you doing awake at 3 AM for the fifth night in a row?"

"How do you—"

"I can see you online on Discord. And Facebook. And basically everywhere."

Oh. Right. We're still friends on basically everywhere. Messengers, socials, she's on every contact list I have. I'd lie if I said I don't still waste unreasonable chunks of time just staring at her userpic, the same across all of the Internet. A photo I took with a filter she applied. Except I don't see her online all that often, and when I do, it's always with some stupid red status icon. Busy. Away. Do Not Disturb.

"I ran into your friend Maggie tonight," she continues,as if this was a perfectly normal conversation. "She said you’re dating her brother."

"Uh." That's not quite true. John and I have agreed to go on a date. Next week. It hasn't even happened yet. In truth, I'm not sure I want it to happen. Maybe I will conveniently get sick right around Friday evening. Or there might be a food poisoning. Or a sprained ankle. Normally, I prefer excuses focused on last-minute work projects I couldn't say no to, because I have this stupid conviction it makes me look like a responsible adult. Alas, those don't fly so well on the weekends.

"Don't do that," she says. "I don't want you to."

Such a simple request, worded so confidently, like she has any right whatsoever to dictate what happens in my life. The life she's no longer even a part of.

I can't help but laugh at the sheer audacity. Shabby opens one yellow eye and peers at me in such abject displeasure I am forced to reach out and give her all the pats to compensate for the inconvenience.

In a certain light, her eyes look yellow, too, though they never lost their green. Like an autumn lake with golden leaves floating over murky waters, illuminated by the last rays of sunset.

"So?"

"So?.." I repeat after her.

"You won't do that, right?"

"Darling," and I meant to use her name, I swear I meant to, but the usual endearment flows way too easily of my lips. "I don't think you get a say in what I do or don't do any longer."

"Well, no one else is running an intervention, so I kind of have to!"

"What on earth makes you think I need an intervention?!"

"Duh. You own stupid plan? Come on. You don't even like guys most of the time."

"Some of the time I like them just fine," I counter. "And it's John. He's—he's sweet."

"If you ever liked John that way, you would have both gone for it a long time ago.”

He likes me that way, though. He has for a while. And that's why I should feel guilty for how the chances of me getting food poisoning on Friday are plummeting down. I kind of want to go out with John now. Just to give her an excuse to run more interventions.

This is reckless. Twisted. Not like me at all.

All the things she's always brought out in me.

"You won't go, will you?"

"Why are you up at 3 AM on the weekday stalking my socials?"

Neither of us gets an answer we want.

[schizosupport]

So, how does being polyamorous and schizospec work for you?

In theory, I think polyamory is great and I started to require this of new partners which worked pretty well and help me to feel less trapped in relationships.

On the other hand, its seems quite hard to me to actually get multiple partners. As someone who is close enough to a cis-woman I tend to date only cis-men who show interest in me first, because its easy. I'm rarely interested long enough into people to start something and if I dont get quite strong positive feedback, I'm usually content with meeting them from time to time and fantasizing about a relationship.

Hi!

Hmm, how does being polyamorous and schizo spec work for me ... To be honest in a lot of ways I never thought about the intersection all that directly, though I have often thought about the intersection between polyamory and disability and neurodivergency, at least in my own case/cases.

And being that most of my disabilities are related to me being schizo spec, this certainly weighs in.

I have definitely found a tendency for neurodivergent people to thrive in polyamory, in my circles.. and I have a few theories for this..

First of all there's the fact that I just vibe better with other nd people, having a bunch of life experiences in common. So even if I was monogamous, I expect that my one partner would also be queer neurodivergent and/or disabled, because those are the people I'm most likely to connect with.

That said, non-monogamy is essential to all of my romantic relationships. For me this ties in with a couple of things. First of all, I'm not someone who has a super clear distinction between 'types of love', such as romantic vs. platonic. It's partially a choice, and there are differences, but I can't clearly conceptualise it. I'm deeply invested in the people I let into my 'circle'. Some of them are partners, others friends. But I love them intensely, I am very committed to helping them thrive, but I do not wish to be anyone's everything. Nor for anyone to be my everything.

To me, love tastes sweetest when shared. I don't like compulsive things and unspoken rules. Monogamy felt bad for me because it built on a number of unspoken assumptions. For example, when I suddenly found myself in a romantic relationship more or less for the first time at 22. And suddenly me and a friend of mine's fun little bonding activity of sexual fooling around turned into something that would be breaking an unspoken promise to this whole other person with nothing to do with that relationship. And it got me thinking further, in the same way, if I met another person that I fell for, I would have to break someone's heart.. mine or my previous partner.. It was so complicated and stressful to me, because even if I wasn't in love with anyone else, and me and that friend were just fooling around, the feeling of how -to me- inherently positive things had turned into inherently harmful shameful things that would hurt someone I loved, was horrible.

So next time I went into a relationship I did so with someone who had the same desire for nonmonogamy. We both ID'ed as ace at the time, and the relationship was/is explicitly a non-sexual romantic open relationship. We've been together since 2015. To me at the time the time, the important thing was that I had the option to engage with other people on that level if I wanted to, but I had no inherent desire to do so.

I've never pursued any relationship in my life (platonic or romantic) for the sake of the relationship, I've only ever pursued a specific person.

At a point I lost touch with/broke up with a close friend of mine, and I found that I was lacking some connection in my life. My gf is a person with low social energy, and it was never in the cards for them to fulfill all my social needs, and they had always been open about not having a desire to move in together or stuff like that. It was not fair for me to expect them to compromise themself just because I was lonely.

That's the point I started actively looking for people to connect with. I didn't have a clear idea on whether this would be platonic or romantic, but I desired more people to share my love with. During this time, I met a number of people who would go on to become very important people in my life. One became a romantic partner quickly, others later, some stayed friends, but they are all important people in my life today.

At this point in time I live with with two people (+alters), I'm still dating my gf from 2015 who lives alone, I have another remote qpp/gf and I have a couple of best friends.

And I don't think it's a coincidence that not a single person in this whole picture is neurotypical. I'm sure this is not universal, but to me and my partners, in a way, polyamory is also an accommodation.

We all have needs for support and needs for solitude and rest, that are above average. Gf of 2015 needs for solitude clash with my need for social support, so if we had to be everything for each other, the relationship could not last. Likewise, with the people I live with. Being three people, the likelihood that at least one of is functional to do The Thing is higher. If someone is having an extra bad time, the two others can take turns in providing care. We have different abilities and disabilities, and we can set up our life in a way so no one has to try to deal with the thing that they are worst at.

And that's just the practical aspects. Emotionally, I perceive a connection too. We all find the distinction between romantic and platonic nebulous, and we all don't like unspoken rules. So we thrive in a 'system' where a relationship label is just a word to simplify to outsiders, and where we work together to define the actual roles/rules inside the relationship together as we go along.

I don't know if that answers anything, sorry for the meandering walk through haha..

To anon I will say this.. It sounds like polyamory appeals to you, and it sounds like the idea of a relationship appeals to you, but it also sounds like you haven't really met anyone you want to do it with. Am I right?

I think it's great that you know yourself well enough to know that you would like your partner to be polyamorous or at least open to non-monogamy. But it's not enough of a requirement so to say. The most important requirement in a partner is that it's someone you would like to spend time with. Someone you want to care about and someone you want to open up with. If you are not personally invested in THE PERSON beyond the idea of a relationship with someone, I think you are right not to force yourself to put more energy into it.

If you meet someone who is personally interesting to you, where you are curious to learn more about them, to integrate them further into your life, then the motivation to deepen the relationship will likely come with it.

It could also be that you are like my OG gf, and the relationship you desire is in fact one in which you don't have to aspire to spend all your time with the person. It is not a lesser way to love someone - to take it slow and build trust and companionship over time. But there as well, if the desire to form the connection isn't there, then it might be that it's not the right person for you.

You said that you are close enough to a cis woman, so you just go out with the cis guys who approach you as such. I will say as a word of advice, that there are many sweet and respectful cis guys out there, but nevertheless your chance of finding the gem of a person that you will want to connect with over time, is smaller if your only sample is 'cis guys who write me first'. Not impossible, just smaller.

I don't know if you are into people of other gender configurations, but if you are, a trade secret is that most non-cis-guys struggle with reaching out first, and will likely be very interested in talking to you if you reach out first. This is also true of a bunch of cis guys actually, especially if they are shy or have low self esteem.

In any case, I think that taking an approach to dating where YOU are actively looking for people who you are curious to know more about, and reaching out to them, can be a good idea.

As someone perceived as a cis girl, often there is no shortage of cis guys reaching out to you, simply because 'he was a boy, she was a girl. Can I make it aanymore obvious'. And they know 'women' get a lot of messages, so many take the approach of contacting as many as possible, hoping to hear back, but as a result they put less effort into finding the people they are most interested in (due to diminishing returns).

Therefor if you are presenting as a cis woman, especially in online dating, the path of least resistance is to write back to some of the guys who approach you first. But they make up a small sample of the people who would actually be interested in talking to you, and an even smaller sample of the people you would actually be interested in getting to know.

So my recommendation would be to focus less on wanting a relationship, and focus more on finding interesting people you would like to have in your life, and then see where things go from there.

Or if you find that you are actually happy with the current state of affairs, and that fantasizing about a deeper relationship without pursuing deeper relationships in reality is in fact how you like it at the moment, there's nothing inherently wrong with that at all.

I hope my answer was a little helpful. Best of wishes!

[ugly-anarchist]

I know you're probably going to respond really immaturely to this so my expectations are low but.

I just want to say that people ARE in fact killed over romance. Some countries like Pakistan and India have strict social norms surrounding romance (and yes they frown upon even the most typical non-interfaith cishet romantic couple you can think of). They prioritise arranged marriage and while the situation is changing a bit, lots of people have and still do face violence such as honor killings, being forced into marriage, being married as literal children, etc.

Due to the fear and hatred around romance these societies have created in order to control people. Im south asian myself and my country does this about romance. Its not always so easy for people everywhere to engage in romance without facing abuse or violence. In talking about the things you do on this blog, please don't ignore the reality of people other than yourself. Just because where YOU live people only face that over sex, doesn't mean that its the same everywhere in every single culture.

And by the way, Im aromantic as well and I have to say that treating something neutral (that can be harmful or beneficial or neutral depending on how someones romance is) as inherently harmful is a dick move even if no society in the whole entire world held these views.

You are allowed to hate romance and not want anything to do with it. I think that experience is great and should always be supported. I hope romance repulsed people are able to avoid romance and have ppl respect their boundaries. The only problem comes when anyone, because I really don't think ONLY romance repulsed people do this from my experience, decides to act like romance is *inherently* immoral and harmful.

That ideology can and will harm people. Just like how being sex negative wouldn't suddenly become ok if the world happened to be completely sex positive and never sex negative in any way.

"I know you're going to respond immaturely" is a really great way to start an ask and definitely paints you as the more "mature" and "reasonable" one anon /s

It's almost like... I never actually said that romance was inherently bad and that actually what I said was that how romance is depicted in most English speaking countries there's an underlying implication of ownership that's really toxic

It's almost like I never said what you're claiming I said and you're putting words in my mouth in order to completely ignore my original point

Yes of course anon my justified anger and sass make me immature because you're clearly just trying to show me how wrong I am for saying *checks notes* things I literally never said. Round of applause because clearly you're the sole beacon of hope in this otherwise bleak world that I've created by saying "acting like you own your romantic partner is bad"

But please, keep ignoring my original point because it clearly makes you very uncomfortable that people criticize the way romance is expected to be performed in society. Whatever makes you feel better. Don't unpack that clearly deep-seated internalized amatonormativity that keeps steering you away from critical thought, I'm the bad guy for, again, things I never said.

[heich0e]

if you've sent in an ask lately that i didn't respond to, it may be answered under the cut! i'll be dividing these posts up by general subject matter so no one has to scroll for too long to find any asks they may have sent. feel free to block the tag #liv got mail if you don't like seeing posts like this. i'm sorry to have kept you waiting, and p.s. i love you very much <3

part two: general inquiries ✉

✉ Anonymous asked: omg liv did you watch the barbie movie

I HAVENT SEEN IT YET!!! when i tell u that everything that can happen in a lifetime has happened to me in the past 14 calendar days i am NOT!! KIDDING!! but i have plans to go see it with two of my best friends (either this weekend or early next week) and we've all secretly planned pink outfits and we're going out for drinks too it's going to be SOOOOOOOOO FUN!! oh how i love being a woman!!

✉ Anonymous asked: Liv i got my underarms waxed and it hurt. Have you ever gotten your underarms waxed? If so did you bleed a bit? Cause I did and I wanna know if that’s normal lol

i've gotten waxes but not my underarms but a quick google told me pinpoint bleeding is probably ok?? that being said i am about the LEAST qualified person on this beautiful earth to whom u could direct this question. what's next? questions about cars?? taxes?? i am not smart enough 4 this!!

✉ Anonymous asked: Liv is it true that your work can access all your social media accounts thru your email? If so, I may need to make another acc

hi friend i am no cyber security whiz by any means but i always operate under the assumption that anything that comes into or goes out of or is in anyway linked to a company email BELONGS to the company. i treated my college email the same way. even using company wifi is dicey in terms of privacy, so just use your best judgement and i would advise that it's always better to err on the side of caution <3

✉ Anonymous asked: real talk liv how long after sending a text should i stop waiting for a reply back because i feel like a sad SIMP

u know what i am probably biased here bc i am TRULY the worst texter in the world. my phone has been on do not disturb since at least 2019. i do not wish to be contacted ever (unless i'm texting u first in which case i expect an immediate response tysm xo)

with that in mind, i think it's not fair to CONSTANTLY expect immediate communication bc a lot of factors play into that (work, social lives, sleep, time actively trying to be unplugged, current mental state, etc.) HOWEVER!! when it comes to romantic dalliances (which i am interpreting this as and i'm sorry if i'm misreading) i think there's kind of fair expectation of communication if interest if reciprocated. i know it's so cringe n cliche but the whole "if they wanted to they would" thing has at least a vein of truth in it, so if you feel like ur energy/effort isn't being met (especially if it was previously and this is a sudden change) i think that's always a bit of a red flag. maybe not red. yellow? or like a deep yellow veering on orange.

sending u love little guy and wishing u all the best!! u deserve to be the SIMPEE not the SIMPER <3

[hiding-in-my-blanket-fort]

Okay so I'm usually very comfortable and very relieved to be aroace. But sometimes, the repeated invalidation wears on me. And then I end up going through the whole questioning phase AGAIN so I just needed to get some things off my chest.

I hate when I share my experience as an aspec person, even within the community, and someone always has to pipe up with, "Oh, I thought I was a late bloomer too. Until I met someone and now I don't feel that way anymore."

Listen. And I mean this with all my heart: kindly shut the fuck up.

Unless someone is seeking relationship advice, don't say that shit. It's condescending and invalidating.

It also puts me right back into the questioning cycle all over again and I'm really, really tired of revisiting that phase for the hundredth time. It took me YEARS of research and questioning and denial before I finally felt comfortable saying that I was aroace and non-partnering.

Then someone has to come along and say, "You'll change your mind!" in some flavor or another.

And I'm spinning out again.

Am I really aroace?

What if I'm just picky?

Maybe I'm a really unlikeable person and no one wants me.

What if it's just generational trauma holding me back? What if it's social anxiety messing everything up?

Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe I need to date, even though I have no desire to do so. But other people seem to know what's best for me, right???

I'm tired of people telling me that my value and my happiness hinges on someone else. No matter which way you look at it. If I don't rabidly hunt down a romantic partner, then I better have a QPR. If I don't have a QPR, then I better have some really good friends.

NO. I. do not. feel fulfilled. with. people. End of story. I've lived for over thirty years on this planet and I've never experienced a very close personal connection with someone. AND THAT'S FINE. I'm tired of being told that I have to do everything in my goddamn power to change that because I can't POSSIBLY be happy on my own!!!!

You know what does make me very unhappy??? When I'm told that I'm inferior or screwed up because I don't have someone to validate my existence as a human being. As if my life has no meaning until someone, somewhere, in this big wide world, sees me and says, "You have worth because I said so."

When I was growing up, my parents told me to act more like my brother so people would like me. They pressured me to be someone I'm not because prioritizing other people's favor was more important than valuing myself.

I'm tired of waiting for someone to notice me. I'm tired of putting my life on hold, waiting and waiting and waiting for some "magical person" to make my life amazing and allegedly bring me happiness.

You know what that does? It makes me miserable. It makes me depressed. Every year that passes and I remain solo, I wonder, "What's wrong with me? Am I unloveable? Why does everyone else have a special person but I don't?"

If you met someone who changed your view of the world, good for you. But there are times where you should keep it to yourself, rather than bragging about how your relationship made your life so amazing.

And DO NOT get me started on, "Oh, your forever person will find you when you stop looking and when you least expect it."

Bullshit. Once again, implying that my worth and happiness as a human being hinges on someone else. Once again implying that EVERYONE will partner up eventually because YOU can't seem to fathom anything differently. Because it makes YOU uncomfortable to think that *I* do not have a partner which challenges your viewpoint so you try to MAKE IT FIT by saying, "You will change to suit me and what I believe."

Just leave people alone.

[lappelduvide-interdite]

So they say to feel a lack of love, you have to be depressed or isolated; and also you have to be cynical to feel comfortable. Turns out I experience none of these things.

This blog is basically a guilty-pleasure of a self-indulging practice-your-English type — a good place to keep my thoughts in (because my skull is clearly not suitable anymore.) It's logical to write here about things that have been bothering me for a long time, so, here it is. One metamodernistic attempt to describe loneliness in a freaking social network.

A few days ago, me and my friend were sitting in a bar; I was drunk enough to talk about true love, but in long thoughtful sentences. The friend was listening, sitting there in her cute warm color shirt and with her eyes attentive and familiar. I quoted a Phoebe Waller-Bridge's work. In particular, the Priest's monologue about a dread and discomfort and unpredictability of love, the spectrum of feelings that you just don't want to go through alone, and if you're lucky, you don't. I said love was a leap of faith. I also said love was a catching the other one in their fall. She nodded sympathetically; but in a minute or two referred to it as a joke about not wanting to jump from anywhere to get laid.

I suppose that's the lot of it. This is the wall I keep smashing in — being oh so close, but on the different pages, still. I know my friend. I know her as a deep-thinking, sensitive, attentive human being that craves true feelings as much as I do. She just has to cover it with sex jokes, because that's how her psyche work; because she's as much broken (and restored with her own power) as I am. I knew she understood me and meant no harm. Still, her words pushed me miles away.

They say I'm smart, but I just overthink; that's the problem of mine. I tend to create complicated versions of simple things and crave for them — is it adequate, wanting to have someone who understands? Is it even possible? Can a person be truly accepted and understood if being a person means using something as imperfect and loose as a language? Despite all the logical conclusions and all the things I want to believe in, I'm starting to suppose the answer to all of this is a no.

But that's the question of being loved. Freeing yourself from a hurtful hope to be romantically loved (in the terms of fairy-tale expectations many of us get in a modern culture) is not refusing the idea of such love or love in general. After all, love is about giving far more than about accepting. That's the other problem.

It's no news people like me are afraid to commit. Terrified, even. But I've learned to suppress this feeling, this instinct of running away or shielding from anyone who's getting close. That's a work of a thought and logic. And logically, I understand all my friends are not mine. A love of a friend is beautiful, but also naturally moderated; some parts of a love in general remain unexplored. It's not necessarily about sex, although it's of course important — being desired, needed and unarmed to the core of emotions and senses. In most cases, friends are not about that. Friends have their loved ones. Friends have their families. In some ways, a friendship is like a parenting — in the end of the day, you always have to be ready to let go.

So, rationally, it's stupid to treat a friend with borderless, blended love; that's just a way of loosing said friend. Being a good friend, after all, is an art of creating space and distance while remaining close and available. The things is, I need something other than that.

They say, if you feel lonely, try committing to your job, hobbies, friends or family. I've got promoted the other night, my book is to be published, my friends are close and fine and my relationships with family are okay. My loneliness doesn't come from unhappiness. It also doesn't come from incapability to built a social connection; I don't usually shy away from people I like. The origin of it is different.

I suppose I just don't know where else to put the love I have inside. It's buzzing and howling, my being human that wants to be loved, to commit and dedicate; but it's the logical thought (the fundamental process of my functioning) that just doesn't allow it all out. The pressure hurts. The conflict of it all is becoming a battle I'm more than ready to lose, because I am exhausted; but I just don't know, to whom.

I'm not depressed or isolated or unloved and unloving in the grand scheme of things. I guess I just yearn for something that I've never had and don't even know if it exists, and that sometimes keeps me up at night.

[doeeyyeed]

shadow work prompts that have left me crying (i felt good after though)

My responses:

- letter to a parent (hurts so good when you have mommy/daddy issues)

Dear mom, I thank you for having me even though it was a scary decision to make at the age of eighteen. I know you said that grandma was never around and when she was, she was high and abusive. I feel sad for your younger self, who struggled and felt so much pain. I wish I could've met who you were before I came. I see how this affected your parenting style, so I have grace and compassion. However, I'm struggling in my adulthood with behavioral patterns and nervous system regulation. I've developed social anxiety and struggle to feel safe and secure in romantic partnerships. I want to have grace and compassion for this part of me. Most importantly I want to heal from it and become a version of myself who can have a great love for myself and others. I see how my perfectionism comes from my childhood. I realize I've only received love and praise from you when I accomplished something that made you proud. But all the times I disappointed you, I was deeply criticized and I see how this has affected my self-esteem. I find myself fantasizing a lot about how things would've turned out differently if you weren't a young single mother. Maybe I wouldn't have been an obese adolescent and I wouldn't struggle with body dysmorphia today. What I learned recently from the shadow work I've been doing is that I am worthy and abundant without having to be perfect. This realization is something I have to constantly bring myself back to, remember, and embody it. I am grateful for the way I grew up because of the wisdom it bestowed upon me, however, wisdom is only practical if there is a level of integrity to go along with it. You raised me with the values of being an honest hardworking person and for that I am grateful. I see how I implement these practices into my daily life, now I just wish to feel relaxed and less anxious when I perform activities with the intent of these values you've taught me. I still feel like I'm hustling to make the fact that you had me feel worth it to you.

- letter to your younger self (bonus points for pre transition self if that applies to you)

Dear younger Alexandrea, there are 8 billion people in the world. Why do you expect that everyone will like you? Let go of your people-pleasing tendencies. You are so creative and full of imagination. It's okay to not have a buddy to follow through with your passions. I want you to stick with music and beg Mom to get you singing lessons. You are naturally gifted with movement. Don't waste your time with the mean girls in organized sports. You thrive in dance. I'm sorry you didn't have these opportunities that played to your strengths. I'm sorry you went to a school where people cared more about egos than learning. Education is the key to life. Study hard because it will pay off. Stop chasing people, and trying to be cool. You got mixed up in the wrong crowd, going to parties in middle school where you've been taken advantage of by loser dudes. I'm deeply sorry this happened to you. you didnt know any better at the time. I wish your parents made home feel safer for you, so you didn't always want to run off, smoke weed, and hang out with anyone who was willing. I wish you knew your worth. I'm sorry that home didn't support your emotional needs. Learn how to validate yourself and regulate your own emotions. You didn't deserve emotionally immature parents who took their emotional baggage out on you. But I bet things wouldn't have felt so scary if you knew that everything turned out to be okay.

- letter to your childhood pet/pets

Dear Benjamin Franklin, you were my first pet dog. You were only a puppy when you died. I had only got to love you for three months before that fatal day. Your death has impacted the relationship I have with dogs today. Dogs aren't something I allow myself to feel emotionally attached to. I keep my emotional distance and view them as "just a dog." This saddens me that I'm not allowed to feel a spiritual connection with dogs like I once did with you. I started seeing dogs as sad creatures who are helpless and at the mercy of their owners. They want so much attention, quality time, and love that it makes me feel uneasy and guilty that I'm unable to provide that for them. I just ignore them and carry on with my day. I wish when I saw a dog it made me happy like how you once made me.

- letter to your childhood best friend

Dear Wendy, you're the only childhood friend of mine that I still hold so close and dear to my heart. However, it saddens me to think that this feeling isn't mutual. I see you show so much love for others that we grew up with. This makes me feel like I'm just a suppressed memory to you. I wish I knew why you keep me at a distance today. I'm sorry I sucked, that I got distracted with boys, that my behavior tended to be uncomfortable for you, costing me to lose my wholesome friendship with you. This has to be one of my biggest regrets. In my eyes, you are the most amazing person I have ever met. It hurts me that we aren't close anymore.

- listing out your insecurities and then complimenting said insecurities

I am extremely insecure about my small asymmetrical breast. I am grateful that my breasts are healthy. I am insecure about how far my nose sticks out from my face, however, I am grateful to think about how people pay to have a bridge like my nose. I am insecure about how much fat I store in my lower body like in my thighs and waist. I am grateful I have a lot of muscle and am toned still in those areas. I am insecure about my thin lips making my face feel less pleasing to the eye, but I am grateful for my beautiful smile. I am insecure about my thin hair, but I am grateful I have a lot of it and that it is always so soft and shiny.

- listing everything you’re grateful for,, even if it’s just a few things

I am grateful for the abundance that fills all areas of my life. I am grateful for my heart, body, mind, and soul. I am grateful for the gentle reminders of how I am connected to the universe. I am grateful that I am the master of my thoughts and I choose my perceived reality. I am grateful to love and be loved.

- letter to your ancestors or just all ancestors in general (i like doing it for all ancestors that way no one feels left out)

Dear ancestors, I year to know you. A huge desire of mine is to learn about my ancestry. I want to know where my physical features and genes originated. I want to know you and build a relationship with that knowledge by adjusting my lifestyle. Like what if y'all had only access to goats instead of cows. I would switch to eating goat yogurt instead of cow's so I can better support my genetic process. something like that.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Okay so, I came to this blog because I’m an Army and recently have been quite fond of Jikook’s bond. I always used to close myself off the shipping considering how toxic it gets on other platforms but I really love these two together it’s almost painful to resist. I come here in peace, and I’m asking you something. Can we open a topic about what would ACTUALLY happen if two idols of the caliber of Jimin and Jungkook confirmed having a relationship? Because so many Jikookers see the coming out as the final win, when actually it could be the contrary? Some people in the fandom are naive and don’t realize the impact, especially negative, it would have on their career. If you open this discussion I’m sure also other blogs will tune in. I beg you to view it on a much bigger scale than just the fandom shippers, let’s observe it from the point of view of their country, the industry, their reputation as a whole. And also if you were in their shoes, and your aim was to live your days with your loved one ultimately, what marketing procedures do you think would be necessary to take in order to keep your career going as well.

Thank you Anon for the question and I will try to be very careful in navigating such a topic. I've mentioned before that I will not talk about Jimin and Jungkook in regards to their private personal life, but what I can do is to focus on what is written in shipping spaces, as it's part of the fandom discourse. I will start by saying that you are asking some questions which are impossible for me to respond. I cannot put myself in their shoes as I am first of all a woman and second of all, not famous. My answer will be divided into two parts: how shippers talk about identity and more general, about sexual identity in SK, for which I will provide extensive references and I hope they can be useful in understanding the social context. I want this to be an open discussion, especially if there are people in this space who know more, who have more knowledge on this particular subject.

It seems that in general, those who ship Jimin and Jungkook do see a coming out, in the possibility that there's an actual romantic relationship, as the ultimate ''win'', just as you said. To me, that's complete ignorance and I can only situate it in the realms of problematic fantasy. As I've said before, I don't have any problems with the idea of shipping. Of course, I've noticed that a lot of jikookers call themselves supporters in order to differentiate themselves from your run of the mill shipping practice. ''You say tomato, I say tomato''. They say they will support Jimin and Jungkook no matter what, but anyone who becomes part of a community, makes connections or develops some emotional attachments towards their ship or subjects of the ship, will definitely have some strong feelings if they will encounter some ''evidence'' at some point that would disregard the way they see those people. I'm of course generalizing here, but I'm not saying this only in order to criticize them, but because it would be a normal reaction, something to be expected and each person has their own way in which they deal with those feelings. Just as I talked in my shipping post, there are positive outcomes here, such as people who gather more extensive knowledge on LGBTQ+ issues, in case they haven't done that before. But there's a shtick and of course I can only talk about what I see in international shipping spaces, which is the fact that despite doing research on this topic and trying to understand the SK political landscape, they still use a Western filter. What do I mean by that? Their understanding of sexual identity is in most cases Western and they apply that mindset when it comes to situations in countries that have a history that doesn't match the American one, which is the more prevalent. Sexual orientation has become part of someone's entire identity. It has developed over the course of the 20th century (Michel Foucault and Jeffrey Weeks have written about this) and today it's the norm. We do live in an era of globalization, but to take this idea and apply it to a context that not many of us actually know, results in a discourse that can have some colonization elements to it and leaves no room for specific Asian Queerness. It's unfortunate because all shippers could do is read more about it, if they actually call themselves supporters. Not to focus just on their ship but to actually try and understand how alternative meanings of identities work. If they had done it, in a bit more detail, perhaps they would know that one's sexual orientation does not become someone's entire identity everywhere. It's a difference between something that ''I am'' and ''I do''. The SK situation, when it comes to LGBTQ+, is influenced by Confucian values, the military service, the huge influence a family can have, but it's also about finding a community. Not everyone is the same and in this case generalization is dangerous. People can use western terminology, even fully embrace a ''coming out'' as we understand it and some of them don't, or they only do it with themselves or close friends while some engage in activism just as any part of this world. You can find more about this in a thesis written by Matthew David Arnold called Queer Korea: Identity, Tradition and Activism (2016) in which he interviewed 49 LGBTQ+ individuals over a period of time while he lived there. These are people who became his friends, acquaintances, and artists and each and every one of them has a story of their experience which has its own particularities. Arnold talks about the Social Compact which consists of the established communities in which these people live and the most important one is the family and the huge influence it can have. It also bothers me the fact that when shippers engage in such a topic, a lot of the times they are alienating, othering this entire culture and using their own Western frame as a system of reference.

To go back to your initial ask, about the jikook ship and coming out, it is ludicrous. How can shippers talk about such a thing when it comes to people whom they don't know? They observe a pattern of behavior and draw some conclusions, sometimes they have a more educated guess and other times not. But they should stick to that. They say they care about their biases, but by having this request and considering it as a win is disrespectful because a coming out is no one's business and especially not of some strangers on the internet.

I'm aware that I probably haven't given a specific response to your questions, but these are the limits in which I situate myself, but as I said in the beginning, I encourage other people to chime in.

For more insight into LGTBQ+ topics in South Korea from an academic perspective, I will leave some references here:

Song Pae Cho, Faceless Things: South Korean Gay Men, Internet, and Sexual Citizenship, 2011

Elias Alexander, Seoul's Gay Districts: Space, Place, and Identity, 2017

Joe Phillips, Joseph Yi, ''Queer Communities and Activism in South Korea: Periphery-Center Currents'', Journal of Homosexuality, 2019

Joseph Yi, Joe Phillips, ''Paths of Integration for Sexual Minorities in Korea'', Pacific Affairs, 2015

Todd A. Henry, Queer Korea, 2020

Thomas Chase, ''Problems of Publicity: Online Activism and Discussion of Same-Sex Sexuality in South Korea and China'', Asian Studies Review, 2012

Youngshik D. Bong, ''The Gay Rights Movement in Democratizing Korea'', Korean Studies, 2009

Robert Hamilton, ''Gaytrification and the re-orienting of Sexual Peripheries. The Displacement of Space and Place in South Korea's Queer Underground'', Contemporary Society and Multiculture, 2016

Tari Young-Jung Na, Ju Hui Judy and Se-Woong Koo, ''The South Korean Gender System: LGBTI in the Contexts of Family, Legal Identity and the Military'', The Journal of Korean Studies, 2014

Timothy Gitzen, The Promise of Gayness: Queers and Kin in South Korea, 2012

Jungmin Kwon, Spectacularizing the Homosexual Body: The Secret Rendezvous Among Global Gay Media, Local Straight Women, and the Media Industry in South Korea, 2014

[kanmom51]

It's amazing when Jimin and Jungkook make unambiguous, loud and dgaf statements, such as including the hickey in the DVD to name one of the latest. This kind of content consciously shows, or wishes to make it appear as if, Jikook are more than platonic friends/are an actual couple. It walks the line between transparency vs. deniability. To expect any declaration beyond this would be to misunderstand the complexities of institutional and cultural homophobia in SK as well as fan culture at large, which includes global fans.

Jimin and Jungkook are likely aware of the speculation, the edits,the analysis, the homophobia etc. Anyone's guess what their psychological relationships with these elements of the fandom are. On the one hand, their status as a couple, which they seem to flaunt at times, is validated, which as a former closeted person myself, I get the appeal of. On the other hand, some of the speculation might feel strange. Maybe there is somd pressure from some corporate or other entities to hide. Who knows?

Not to sound like a tkkr but sometimes I think Jkk make choices to step back. I've noticed sometimes Jungkook especially seems uncomfortable or conscious of the camera (such as when Jikook held hands in that gum commercial behind the scenes), NOT uncomfortable with Jimin, but with the presence of CAMERAs. Do you think exposure has made them more self conscious at times? Is there a push and pull between bold and hidden, with hidden =ing protection? At this point, fans aren't just reading the performances. They are paying attention to car rides, units, and the dreaded birthday tweets.

(Then there are the "whatever they have" people. I will say the whole maybe they are friends with weird/no boundaries thing doesn't fly with me because if they are that, they have still been presented in unambiguously gay ways in content and these smart people know how fandom works. The hickey thing, which was not necessary but still kept in there for a reason, was the last straw before that could have flown).

The birthday tweets seem like a source of stress right about now. Personally I have never wished my wife happy birthday on any form of social media. I just see her and say it. But with Jikook, all the meaning read into birthday posts can become this uncomfortable thing where the glass closeted relationship gets judged on an unfairly public basis in my humble opinion.

If Jungkook doesn't post on Jimin's birthday, thousands of people will judge, blame and shame him. There will be a countdown starting midnight, Korea time and people will be waiting. We all know it. If it turns out he drew Jhope, shared a photo of Yoongi but then does nothing public for Jimin, it will be WW3. Notice I said, nothing public, not nothing. Strangers who know nothing about Jimin and Jungkook's irl day that day will be in tears if nothing is presented for public consumption. Hope becomes expectation at some point. Lots of people who love seeing Jimin and Jungkook's relationship validated as a romantic one have a lot of emotions riding on this one silly thing (see, car rides). I don't think that is a fair burden to place on any person, public or private; out or closeted.

I love your blog Kanmom and have always been a lurker. This is the first time I've commented and I know it is too long. Just some thoughts and feelings I thought I would share as a gay woman who came of age in a time where the gay was far from ok. I am just not looking forward to precious Jimin's birthday knowing what could happen, you know?

Your blog is supportive and full of positivity, you do such a great job with it.

Oh, anon, thank you so so much for your kind words. I'm just here writing what I believe in, and hoping that maybe, just maybe, my words can have some kind of impact. It's for those that think they are alone to know that they aren't, that there are those out there that will see them as they are, accept them as they are, and it's for those that might think differently, and maybe, just maybe my words can help them see life a bit differently, idk, here's hoping.

Jikook, oh what a couple they are. This push and pull we have had these couple of years, more so since 2019 than ever before. 2 steps forward then one step back. Pushing the boundaries, then pulling back a little. They want us to know. They want us to see them for who they are. They want to be accepted for their true self. But they also know that there will be many that won't accept them for who they are, won't accept their love, will deem it as 'wrong', 'sinful'. They want to take off the mask, but also know that by taking it off they can be seen as 'ugly', as 'a monster', and that could have a dire effect on their safety, their careers. But not only their own careers, also their band mates, also their families.

...You know that I can’t Show you me Give you me I can’t show you a ruined part of myself Once again I put a mask on and go to see you But I still want you...

Bloomed in a garden of loneliness A flower that resembles you I wanted to give it to you After I take off this foolish mask But I know I can't do that forever I have to hide Because I'm a monster I am afraid I am shattered I’m so afraid That you will leave me again in the end Once again I put on a mask and go to see you...

I think that is why TTU is so important to them, the changes they made to those last performances in their Seoul concerts in 2019, heart clenching. I've heard JK refer more than once to that mask he feels he has to wear, the fear of showing his true self and if he would be accepted if he showed his true self. And I think that JM struggles with the same issues, maybe even more so, as I think others perception of him, what people think of him, is more important to him.

So there is an inner struggle. Wanting to be yourself and for others to see you as you are and accept you as you are, a defiance, while dealing with that understandable fear of being rejected by those others if you do show them yourself, your true self.

You want to be true to yourself, but then fear others won't accept that person, the real you. I think every single one of us deals with this issue one time or another in their lives, but when it comes to sexuality it's heightened by tenfold, especially so when you are living in a society that doesn't accept LGBTQ+.

I believe that since 2018, since BTS renewed their contracts changes were made by JK & JM. They were not only given more freedom, but I do believe that BH with them are consciously pushing the boundaries time and time again.

Showing them as a couple, painting them as an inseparable unit, showcasing some of their couplie behaviour. We saw it with the RB ear suck that found it's way into official content in 4K, we saw it in memories 2019, we saw it with the MMA 2020 Black swan dance, with the Dynamite holiday performance (stood aside matching clothes, just like a couple, and we certainly moved on from that JM move during that performance).

We have Run episodes that are finding Jikook paired up more often than before. We got memories 2020, omg, and when we thought that was the pinnacle, that's when we got the MOTS ON:E dvd, god help us.

The crème de la crème, hickey-gate.

This was no coincidence or mistake. This was all by design. No one was even aware of this hickey that happened a year ago, and unless they wouldn't have brought attention to it, we wouldn't even know about it. That clearly this was a conscious decision both by BH and Jikook, to add this footage to the dvd. JK was filmed arriving that day with the hickey. Both JM & JK addressed the hickey that day. All three of those clips could have been left out, disappeared, and we would have been non the wiser. We all know that they had plenty of more footage that could have been shared instead. No. This was a clear decision to show us this. Show us, yet again, how different JK&JM's relationship is.

Now, if we, by any chance, thought this wasn't by design, which we would have to be pretty dense to see considering all of the above, well JK & JM's consecutive selfies on the day of the release, while hickey and Jikook are trending, that says it all to me.

I look at these as official content, edited content, differently than I judge lives. And in this official edited content we are getting Jikook clearer and louder.

But then we have the pull backs. You are totally right here, I've seen them too. It's JK intertwining fingers with JM only to pull back when he notices the camera. It's JK to harmonize with JM only to stop when he notices the camera. It's JM pulling back from JK in front of the camera. I've seen this happen in the past 7 months or so, and I asked myself why this is happening.

I think this is a combination of the panic mode, questioning if they went too far this time, and perhaps other issues they were going through (I personally think that the uncertainty of the looming military service had something to do with the toning down too, but that's me maybe overthinking here, although memories and hickey-gate came after they already knew of the ambassador appointments, so maybe it did have something to do with it).

So, after the Feb 2021 live there was a bit of a pull back, but we did still get Jikook moments. It's not like they stopped being them, they just toned it down just a little (it's not like we didn't get JK kind of grunt and call JM sexy now, did we?).

Saying that the content we are seeing now is the professional content. Interviews, photoshoots, concerts/performances. No fan cams, no fan meets or fan signs, almost no behind the scenes, no music awards, no red carpets. So, it's only natural we will see it less. So, this could also be us seeing them in real time trying to be more professional, and in memories 2021 they will once again be in our faces, loud and proud.

As for the car rides, I talked about if this is happening (at least in front of the cameras) why it is happening (privacy issues).

Now as to the birthday tweets. JM posted for JK every single year since 2013. JK posted 2013-2019 but not 2020. These posts are for the fans, period. This is about what they want to show the fans. They have nothing to do with how they feel about each other or what they give each other or how they wish each other for their birthdays. I've been married for almost 30 years and I never wished my husband for his birthday on social media. It's not about showing others how I feel about him, it's about showing him. So it's a personal card, a personal message, which at the end of the day, and call me old fashioned or stupid, but I think means so much more than posting a message on social media for everyone to see. So, would it be cute to see JK post for JM? Hell yeah. Should we expect it of him? No sir. Does it mean he doesn’t love JM or that they have parted ways? Of course it doesn’t.

We have a lot to look forward to. ITS season 2 is coming up very soon. Then we have the newly announced concerts (damn, I'm jealous of the LA fans). That means travel & hotel room Vlives & fan cams.