#but I've seen this happen

[dead-dove-dolly]

Imagine calling a character who's an SA survivor/victim who's Hypersexual bad rep because they're hypersexual and "annoying"

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[tiger-in-the-flightdeck]

This is something I'm seeing more and more on AO3 that I'd never seen when I first got into fandom stuff, so I wanted to find out how you all feel about it.

What are your thoughts about seeing posted fanfiction that isn't commissioned, where the creator says that they have never read/watched the source material? For example, someone putting out a fanfic for a show they've never watched that includes the tag Author Has Never Seen Suchandsuch.

[i-eat-deodorant]

does this annoy anyone else or is it just me

[witchstone]

when the light does the thing that makes you feel like you were here 20 000 years ago

[sweetdreamspootypie]

Does anyone have any recs for reputable orgs for Jewish solidarity for Palestine?

[softichill]

Hey so your girlfriend got put into a fandom and um, they kinda. Yeah they made her the Mean Lesbian Friend. Yeah it's entirely because she's the only girl who's not overtly caring or kind. Sorry. Also they-- yeah she's characterized entirely as a wingman for the popular gay ship. Sorry again

[just-late-roman-republic-things]

There will always be someone who judges you. You cannot prevent this. But by being openly yourself, weirdness and silly hobbies and all, you give those who would love you the chance to see you, too. And you might also inspire someone else to be less ashamed of who they are.

[starry-bi-sky]

danyal al ghul memes because i don't think i've done those yet for this au.

(the jason one is in reference to the fanon headcanon/au that Jason and Damian potentially knew each other and interacted while jason was in the league. I've thought about it before in context of this au, but haven't thought about it enough to feel inspired or motivated to make a post exploring the idea)

(diablito means, as you can guess, 'little devil'. while i'm neutral to latino jason, i think the nickname is cute as fuck and was danny's main nickname from Jason. i don't wanna touch that timeline so im not gonna decide how old they were when Jason was there.)

Skulker: i am the ghost zone's greatest hunter! i capture and hunt creatures both rare and dangerous. Danyal: a poacher?? you're a poacher?? you poach animals??Skulker:...i sense i've made a mistake of some kind.

anyways that was the day that Skulker cemented himself as Danny's no.1 opp, and still remains there to this day even if he and Vlad are both viciously fighting for second. Out of everyone in the the AP rogues gallery, Skulker will be the first to be thrown under the bus in terms of 'o shit here comes phantom fucking RUN'.

[ravelights]

after Reading the latest chapter for Spy X family one thing I noted was when reading of all of Demetrius list of achievements the first thing listed off was the highest scorer in math's.

Which was the subject that Anya failed so bad she got a bolt for.

Which makes me wounder if in the future it might be possible that Demetrius might have to tutor Anya in math's at some point.

[evilkaeya]

THIS IS HOW I FIND OUT KAITO AND SHINICHI ARE COUSINS??

[niyana-the-ambiguous-mobian]

This whole scene with Allen talking to Nolan in the prison was so good on its own merit, finally getting to hear how Nolan himself had internalized everything he did back on earth during the S1 finale had not only affected him, but his son as well, and he feels absolutely TERRIBLE about it.

But that last bit of dialogue he says right before the screen cuts to black caught me so off guard, left me speechless for a moment.....

The way JK Simmons delivers the line, it's a line of honesty but of total surprise as well. The way his voice softly quivers and trails off as he starts to realize this, like he wasn't expecting to feel this way, after everything he had said about her and how painful was for Debbie to even hear those words.

After all of that, he still misses her.

Way to go, JK. You are a GOAT for voice work like this.

[measuringbliss]

People are acting so weird and possessive of Markiplier for the whole OnlyFans situation. He's an adult. He's an adult who's been a celebrity for years. He knows people thirst on him. That's why he had this idea in the first place. He's not some naive kid you must protect. He's not some innocent soul that the evil sluts of Tumblr and Twitter will corrupt. He knows the Internet, he knows his fans and he knows his job.

He's an adult and he can make his own choices.

[mikeybutnotway]

I'm so fucking normal about red dead redemption 2 I'm so fucking normal about red dead redemption 2 in so fucking normal about red read redemption 2 in so fucking nornal about ded read redendion 2 Iv so fucking mornal abont fed dread fedemption 2 in sp fucking bormal arout

[zeroducks-2]

When I see Jason and Bruce acting like the stereotypical "prodigal son and gruff but loving father" (in canon!) my blood boils.

Jason died. Bruce did not avenge him, not even "playing by the rules", so not even by arresting the Joker. He didn't do JACK SHIT after his boy was murdered. And once Jason came back, Bruce slit his throat in order to save the life of the man who murdered him, and then left him to die in a burning building.

They should be unable to coexist in the same room let alone speak let alone have a "difficult but ultimately loving relationship". I hate you DC I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE

[missidentifiedlemon]

"Wow, I'm friends with a lot of queer folks. Wonder why that is?" - cishet on the verge of making a huge discovery