#but also! i am just as ambivalent to being called he or they

[kinnbig]

What are your pronouns?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[saintsenara]

asenora i will listen to anything you have to say about these characters ever. please tell us what the tea is with dron

as i rummage through the backlog of messages in my inbox the thing that i have discovered is that you girlies [gender neutral] are absolutely clamouring for citizenship of dron nation.

[thank you to @spectral-kitty, @thesilverstarling, and two mystery anons!]

to which i say, the borders are open, baby. you just have to read the following manifesto:

why fandom needs to stop sleeping on dron

something i am continually banging on about, as regular readers know, is the harry potter series' fondness for assigning [male] characters to narrative mirror pairings.

exploring these pairings is interesting in and of itself without a romantic dimension being involved - i could talk for hours about the mirrored approach to guilt and grief in snape and sirius' characterisation - but it's also true that several of the most interesting ships which can be drawn [however non-canonically] from the text are between the two halves of each mirror pairing.

tomarrymort is the obvious one, snack [or starprince or snirius or whatever we're calling it] is starting to get the attention it deserves, but people are still sleeping on draco malfoy/ron weasley [and also, may i say, on lucius malfoy/arthur weasley and narcissa malfoy/molly weasley], largely - i fear - due to the sheer popularity of drarry and dramione.

i'll be honest that i really don't like dramione, and i'm generally ambivalent towards drarry, but i do love dron. and the narrative mirror aspect is entirely the reason why.

ron and draco begin the series as mirror archetypes within the genre conventions of a children's boarding school romp. ron is the loyal, humble sidekick of the everyman protagonist, draco is the everyman protagonist's posh, stuck-up rival. both are insiders to the world of the story - whereas harry, the reader surrogate, is not - who introduce harry to the positive and negative aspects of the wizarding world respectively.

as a result, ron and draco are mirrors in terms of personality, and are much more similar to each other than either is to harry or hermione. this doesn't, of course, preclude ronarry [a ship i adore] or romione [which i've defended here] or drarry or dramione [if ya nasty], but it introduces a specific - and very interesting - tension into the pairing which is absent from these other ships.

both ron and draco have shared positive traits - they're both loyal [and their loyalty is very practical and pragmatic - ron is not hagrid, whose faith in e.g. dumbledore is totally unwavering; draco is not bellatrix, whose faith in voldemort is the same], they're both highly observant, they're both quick-witted, they're both capable of doing the right thing - if not always immediately [which is, in fact, more admirable than being preternaturally willing to suffer and sacrifice], and so on.

they also have shared negative traits. they're both attention-seeking [ron fucking loves nearly being knifed by sirius and you just know draco was seething], self-aggrandising, insecure, sulky, and predisposed to jealousy.

and this is a gift for authors, because it means that dron butt heads in a relationship in ways which allow for real character growth... or otherwise.

one issue that i have with drarry is that it often feels like the change either one goes through within a fic is kind of out of character. for example, you have a harry who feels insecure and haunted by his ill-treatment of draco [this is a man whose response to committing attempted murder is to be raging that it reduces the time he has free to hit on ginny], or a harry who is chasing after a cool and sophisticated draco who eventually learns to open up [whereas if there's two things draco isn't, it's someone who keeps his thoughts to himself and someone who isn't a distinctly unsophisticated flop].

dron, however, react to conflict in the same way - which means that the two of them finding themselves in conflict with each other absolutely slaps. they also have similar levels of emotional intelligence, and are likely - if they're inclined to - to be able to communicate with each other and work through issues surprisingly effectively. they can be a mess, or they can be a happy-ever-after, and i like that in a ship.

but, while ron and draco are mirror archetypes, they are specifically children's literature mirror archetypes. ron's role as harry's guide to the world diminishes in the later books, as the series' horizons move beyond hogwarts to think about wizarding society and voldemort's impact upon it more widely [he is replaced by characters such as dumbledore]; while harry becomes considerably less bothered by the pettiness of draco's rivalry with him [concerned as it is with things like being good at quidditch and getting away with misbehaviour at school] as the enemies he's focused on shift to being the resurrected voldemort and his death eaters.

which is to say that dron makes considerably more sense within a hogwarts setting than drarry.

as i've said elsewhere, an issue i have with drarry is that it's frequently written in a way which suggests that harry and draco have a mutual obsession with each other - while the actual evidence of canon is that, while draco is [as his archetype demands] preoccupied with what harry's doing, harry rarely gives the impression of caring what his rival is up to unless directly compelled to by draco's own attention-seeking.

ron, in contrast, spends a lot of time noticing things about draco unprompted - he can, for instance, recall overhearing him boasting offhand about what broom he owns in philosopher's stone - and retaining this information in order to deploy it at the opportune time to get a rise out of him. he delights constantly in his misfortune [him being hyped for days because draco's annoyed harry gets a firebolt is beautiful]. he's ready to throw hands with him at any given opportunity, often giving those of us who thrive on cheap innuendo plenty of material in the process [draco finds himself, for example 'on all fours, banging the ground with his fist' after having ron's wand pointed in his face... same, girl.] and he tends to consider draco much more integral to the various shenanigans which take place in the castle than harry does [ron is the main proponent of the 'draco malfoy is the heir of slytherin' theory in chamber of secrets - and he is shook when draco reveals that he's wrong].

and draco does the same. he comes into the trio's compartment on the train in goblet of fire and immediately starts telling ron how unfashionable his dress robes are. he obsesses over ron's position as gryffindor keeper for months - and, of course, makes up a song about it, which isn't exactly helping him pull off 'i don't think about you at all', is it? - and ron is profoundly affected by the taunts in way that harry, who doesn't really care what draco thinks of him, isn't. and he constantly goes out of his way to provoke ron into trying to punch him [him shoulder-barging ron in half-blood prince just after harry's essentially outed him as a death eater in madam malkins... exquisite pettiness].

all of which is to say, their interactions feel very teenage and petty and silly all the way through to the end of half-blood prince in a way that draco's interactions with harry and hermione don't, and - therefore - i sincerely think that dron can be made to work much more plausibly as a pairing in fics set while the characters are at school.

my final point in favour of dron is that they mirror each other in their approach to their other relationships, and the tension this causes is really interesting to explore.

both ron and draco have mirrored attitudes towards their place within their own families - something neither harry nor hermione can have with draco for obvious reasons. ron is one of many siblings and feels overlooked in the crowd; draco is an only child and feels overburdened by the visibility, especially once his father is sent to azkaban. they both conform to behaviours expected of them by family [they are both in the same hogwarts house as generations of their family, they share their families' political views etc.]. they are of the same social class and their families both have a reasonably similar level of political influence [despite what we're told about his insignificance, arthur weasley is known to everyone in the ministry and he's able to throw his weight around to influence policy even before the promotion he receives in half-blood prince], but their material circumstances are divergent. they both heavily resemble their fathers - to the extent that they are immediately recognisable as each man's son - and spend their schooldays defending family honour by playing out lucius and arthur's own petty feud [lucius and arthur - and, indeed, narcissa and molly - are also narrative mirrors, and we deserve many more enemies-to-lovers fics featuring them]. and the course their lives take during the war is dictated as much by their role within their families as it is by their relationship with harry - the scrambling post-dumbledore order operating out of the burrow is a mirror image of the ascendant voldemort operating out of malfoy manor.

they are also obviously defined by their mirrored relationship with harry - most interestingly by a major similarity in their attitude towards him: that both struggle with how jealous they are of harry.

this leads to lots of excellent tension which just isn't possible in drarry or dramione. how do both sets of parents react to the news their sons are in love? how do ron and draco's relationships with harry change as they find each other? how does draco cope with the hustle and bustle of life at the burrow? how does ron deal with having to have dinner at the manor [particularly interesting because the world in which draco lives is one that's familiar to him - he's not going to be shocked by any of the weird stuff in that house, he knows how it all works, so he can ruin christmas by deciding to have his dad arrest lucius for fun instead]?

it's messy, and fun, and it sustains me.

and some recs for the lads?

collateral damage by @danpuff-ao3, which starts out with both of the lads working out their... issues with harry and ends with declarations of going to lunch with each other's mothers.

dance the night away (aka it's true love, you bastards) by evandar, which has as its premise ron and draco ending up, largely by accident, going to the yule ball together.

this great stage of fools by @nanneramma, which correctly demonstrates how ron is charming enough that him being supremely annoying is actually loveable.

[tea-and-secrets]

I feel horrible about this, but it's escalated to a point where this issue could destroy my life if I don't find a way to stop doing it.

So, for some reason, I get these really intense, obsessive, really disturbing fascinations with people. There's no pattern to them, no specific personality type or anything that sets it off, and I have never had more than one or maybe two per year, although they don't usually last more than a few (3-5) months. They're NOT hyperfixations. I've been hyperfixated on people before. For me, it never lasts more than 2 months (usually FAR less) and is entirely platonic, not at all violent or distressing, and doesn't make me upset in any way. I've had hyperfixations and an obsession at the same time, once I had an obsession and hyperfixated on each of his main friends within a 3 month span rapid fire style.

These obsessive feelings are like. Needing to talk to them, intrusive thoughts about hurting them, wanting to find them IRL (even if they live states away), to show up where they are, to call them at ofd hours, constantly imagining a future together, and they're always very romantic/explicit in nature. They make me feel physically ill from how gross they are. They're like nonstop intrusive thoughts of a relationship, but with this intense desire to constantly act on them and a need to be around the person all the time. And not being close to the person makes the intrusive thoughts worse.

It has never happened with someone I have actual romantic attraction to, but it happens even if I don't know them in person or we never met IRL. Usually after they fade I feel ambivalent or cold or just vaguely normal about the person. So basically after a few months of agony it sorts out and I am free usually for 8-10 months. I've never dated someone I have an obsession with. I understand them enoughto know they wouldn't mimic intrusive thoughts if they were genuinely romantic feelings. Plus, they don't last. They always fade eventually and honestly, they seriously freak me out. I don't want to have murderous intrusive thoughts when someone doesn't pick up a Skype call. That's not my idea of romantic.

Usually, I just wait for these feelings to pass, or limit contact with the person, but this time. It's so much worse.

The person is my friend, and way too young for me. He's not a minor, he's just to young for me (4 years younger, its my personal thing). He's taken, not my type, and I've always seen him as a pesky younger brother of sorts, so I never even considered this would happen. Having these feelings about him makes me feel violently ill. I've tried ignoring him and pushing him away until they stopped, but he noticed and I feel guilty punishing him for a problem that's only in my head. It isn't his fault there's something wrong with me. But I dont know what to do. If I told him about it, I'm worried he might think I like him (I don't think I do, I know how my obsessions are and it isn't love) and based on comments he's made, I'm worried he might actually try to rope me into a polycule or shoot his shot with me. Neither of those would be good places for my mental state.

I also really don't want our other friends to hear about this because I have a crush on one friend who's way older than me (we're both adults but we would NOT have gone to high school together ha ha) and I still want to hold out hope that in a few years she might see me as a viable partner (a bi can dream...) which would be jeopardized if she knew I'm basically a freak of nature.

So I need to figure out how to fix this part of me, FAST. I can't keep doing this and I'm scared things will fall apart or I'll lose it trying to fix this but I'm scared of losing everything.

I wish I could just have been born normal but I wasn't and now I have to fix it. It doesn't feel fair, and I hate it, but I want to be normal and not have to deal with this anymore. I want to just be okay, and I don't know how. I just know that normal people don't do this and this scares me. I don't want to hurt people, I don't want to be like this, and I don't know how to fix it, so I just suffered in silence for years. And now I have to fix it and don't know where to start. I just needed to tell someone about it.

.

[annoyangle]

//so far poll is OVERWHELMINGLY in favor of all caps typing so GUESS WHAT you kids get to read the BLARING ALL CAPS FOR BILL VOICE after all lol

also moderate spoilers for BoB and future portrayal below

Having read the book, the one thing I think I'm going to struggle a little with balancing is the childish/pathetically needy side of Bill. I've always HC'd that Bill gets emotional when he's drunk - had that on board since Weirdmageddon 3 first aired. But _pathetic_ drunk is a new one. Sobbing and calling for his mommy in a baby voice feels almost too pathetic for Bill - at least my Bill, you know?

Same with like 'fussy billy wouldn't drink without his silly straws' or whatever. The implication being that he suffered child medical abuse/trauma in his homeworld is not something I have an issue with tho. The hints of his past have ALWAYS been dark; now we just have another couple of snippets of it. Kids bullied him 'setting fires with his mind', his parents 'tried to snuff out his talents', the silly straw page implies he was medicalized from early on. He is now CLEARLY portrayed in the book as neurodivergent. However, no matter what the canon says, Bill has previously always been written as an ADULT with ADULT cognition levels and so I don't really want to go too deep into like childish regressive stuff. I don't feel like that's the right direction for me.

I also feel shoving him into a mental institution at the end of the book is kind of ... am ambivalent way to attempt to walk back his more corrosive and controversial aspects? Neurodivergence and medicalization is KIND of a hot button in a lot of ways for a lot of people. I can't help but notice Alex's oddly ambivalent tone in discussions about the book in RL, either. You don't have to pay penance for writing mildly subversive content, guy! The Subgenii didn't and neither did the Flying Spaghetti Monster guys! My other HC for Bill is that he's been deeply disappointed with... pretty much everything on a molecular level since he gained 'ascension' to his current form. So that's not too much of a stretch to fit in.

FInally, I am... amused as fuck since my personal HC is that Bill and Ford have been toxic exes since .. .uh... the Search for the Blind Eye website codes were translated?? BUT. I have tried to keep shipping OUT of this account because it's become SUCH toxic discourse on Tumblr and fandom in general, and I don't support anyone 'taking sides' over any ship or another, or harassing each other about which pretend people they like to imagine smooching. So I just shut down all shipping discussion when it comes up. and I really don't care to incorporate that aspect of things too much into my portrayal of Bill. So I am weighing how much to include that whole 'I'm really not over Sixer' thing.

I want to be as canon as possible, BUT. these things make me think.

also don't get it that I dislike the book. I love it!! There's so much good stuff! It's just that I KNOW people are gonna grab the wrong ends of things and use them to beat each other up, and I don't wanna fuel that. At all. Just kinda thinking 'out loud' about some stuff I guess

[krchar]

Some thoughts on Himerish and Trial of the Oracle

Ok so it's weird that I hardly post anything and now I go with this, but these thoughts are for some reason so pressing to me these days! And this feels like the right space.

tldr: i love 4th arc, I like Himerish's development, but after rereading last week I have some surprising ambivalence about how his warrior identity goes with his previously implied nature - or at least to my view of the character - happy to know anyone's thoughts on that!

Firstly I want to state that I love the stories, and mostly the first 4 arcs! This is just a thought on one character development...

So I belong among the fans of 4th arc, definitely, and I think that most people who have some soft spot for Himerish/Oracle, started to feel so throughout this arc (although I know some did before it was cool!). I always loved that story, that he was confronted with such a downfall, the dramatic almost mythical story of regaining his identity is so awesome, i liked that he cooperated with the guardians as a person, that he realized he was too removed from the world after all the time...

Last week I got this sudden fanfic inspiration (it's cringe, but I struggle to be creative for years, so my 7 pages are a huge cheery win!) and so I reread the story... and it's so great, but I have some odd feelings about some parts..

I think it is mostly about him being a warrior.

So. The first notion that felt off was in the issues from his coming to earth to the fight of Phobos + Cedric, when I suddenly felt like what is his almost never leaving resting bitchface? There are some really nice mentor moments, but most of the time he seems strangely annoyed without specific reason. Now in the previous arcs, he was not very popular, for he was indeed a terrible pr*ck, intentionally in arc 3, possibly intentionally in the previous ones ( but i don't know that, his behaviour always seemed to be somehow explained or something, even if the reader didnt have to buy it..) but what i did like was his serenity and at times his appearance of a lightness of heart that calmed everyone.. (that is, in moments when he wasn't a pr*ck) suddenly here Himerish is a dynamic warrior, always angry fighting etc etc - like he was serene and wise only because he was an oracle and it was his function, and not that he was chosen to be an oracle, because he was such in his nature in the first place, which i would like much better.

But! In the flashback with Endarno, that is, to my mind, exactly what Endarno implies! H. is a fighter in a war here and E. saves his life saying he senses a great power in H. and that he should act on it - then in the following flashbacks it's like H. went and became a cool martial arts master... and it just feels sort of... why...

(note: i presume that the flashbacks went in this order, bc E. calls Himerish "young asha (tribe name)")

my problem may be that I am not as much into warrior trope, as Im into powerful spiritual being trope... and also im probably too much of a hippie

But the first flashback actually looks like there would be more beyond! Endarno literally goes against his own commander, as H. is from the enemy tribe and is a captive to be executed. And it is said that E. already had doubts, even though he was a great warrior, bc his boss was very cruel, but it is meeting Himerish that gives him the final motivation to stand against the meaningless bloodshed! Implying that H. has definitely a hippie vibe... and H. also gives this impression, bc he's so serene and passive when they aim to kill him (although that may be some basiliadian feature dunno..) but.. then he goes to be just a better fighter.. like don't they have any other kind of spiritual power in Basiliade than becoming a cool warrior??

I mean, I liked Orube-Luba flashbacks very much, where Luba was the wise warrior mentor and it was cool. But we don't get anything like that with Himerish, right? He's just shown to have been really cool at fighting. Yarr is just really crazy about him as his former master, as if he was truly a different kind of being, but there is no word then about him being also a spiritual mentor.. maybe it is just not shown, but then - why not?

when i saw the first flashback, i sort of thought it would have been better, if H. was actually a hippie in his heart - maybe even against the custom of Basiliade. He said E. helped him a lot - so couldn't it be that this young guy who fights like everyone else does, then realizes he could just stop doing that and work out his inner spirit and power that has the nature of peace and connection, instead of fighting? I really really doubt that the Kandrakar council would have gone like - this guy is cool with sword, let's make him oracle. He must have had some other power before and I'm kind of sorry that they didn't work with it somehow... I'm also not so much into his warrior attire hehe

Now to go a full circle, I associate this type of wisdom actually with his nice and light-hearted mode and not so much with angry fighter mode.. he was angry before when something bad happened to Kandrakar, but that was different, then when he couldnt admit his mistakes, that was foreshadowing of his downfall, but his fighting mode was just so strange to me.. what's with the sword, do some magic and restore the peace of Kandrakar after your return, bc the peace and stability and light powers are your nature and not just your politcal function..

then again i admit that while i didn't like much what they did to his character in the following arcs, i could understand his departure.. so the described reason seemed like all his change was to nothing, for he again just didnt listen to anyone despite his former promises, but i could see another reason in line with arc 4, and that is actually his change, he became too human (or whatever species he is) and maybe it was even difficult for him to return to the position - bc this is literally shown at the end of arc 4 when he's contemplating before being reinstated.. and i like that.. cause im kinda very much into spiritual beings becoming human tropes.. or like generally emotionally repressed people rediscovering life..

Well, I get that some people really like warrior trope, so no hate, fandom is a free space yeah! Anyway, these were my thoughts, Im impressed you scrolled this deep, thank you! Tell me your thoughts on this pls Im happy to find more people to discuss witch to an unhealthy level! As a bonus, my two favourite memes/fanarts about H.'s earthly clothes:

(source: https://tuherrus.tumblr.com/post/189587505767/oookay-heres-a-witch-art-dump-im-gonna)

(source: https://www.deviantart.com/rukietta89/art/Shopping-with-Orube-97101177)

EDIT: ok i posted this like half an hour ago, but i got a sudden feeling that i was not entirely fair, so i want to say that i also feel that his conective and calming spirit shows up in those really nice mentor moments towards the guardians, although that doesn't go really against my original interpretation/headcanon - he was a confused young boy with a talent, now he's a mature, more steady guy with a talent, regaining understanding of life in 4th arc, which, ideally, would make him even more sensitive and calming, and that would be cool

[jahsontodd]

✨rating pedro pascal characters based on nothing but costuming (non-exhaustive)✨

considerations:

*real housewives voice* thats my OPINION!!! also subject to change upon reflection, just going off my current feelings. 

not really discussing whether the costuming is good or bad for character, context, or source material but just how much I like them if that makes sense. 

some of these costume designers knocked it out of the park but would I be a little grumpy if I went on a date and they showed up in a walmart denim button up and ripped their $300+ jacket to shreds? Yes. Was that costume absolutely perfect for Joel? Yes again.

Mostly discussing costuming in context modern/21st century settings. The Mandalorian+GOT+ etc. in part two?

Minimal discussion on hair+cosmetics, only really when it applies to the whole look

Javier Gutierrez: The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

Rating: 10/10

Crew:

Paco Delgado: Costume Designer see also: John Wick: Chapter 4, Death on the Nile, Jungle Cruise, Cats (2019), Split, Les Misérables 2012 (and many more he’s booked and busy)

full cast and crew

Comments: 

They did not have to go so crazy on these outfits!!! 

Why does one of my favorite looks apparently not even appear in the movie!?

every look is so *chefs kiss*

I feel like mustard yellow is such a good color on him. 

Like call up those people on tik tok who make nonsensical categories like “strong winter” “ambivalent fall” and find out why mustard yellow always works.

The palette is a cute mix of like warm bricky colors like red, brown, mustard yellow mixed with baby blue and eggshell white. its actually perfect. 

What really makes him stand out is the fact he accessorizes. 

Lots of men don't accessorize because they don’t think its important - they couldn’t be more wrong. 

It’s one of the many injustices of the world that a man’s outfit looks 10x better by adding one necklace or in this case- pinky ring.

Do I like the sunglasses? No. But I like that they are there. 

Obligatory hair mention: The hair looks great. With longer hair becomes more responsibility, ie sometimes the part is a little too deep making the front pieces have a combover look. This is only when its messy though so that may have been the point?

If I included every outfit I liked it would just be a slideshow of the whole movie so I picked my favorites 

Javier Peña: Narcos

Rating: 10/10

Crew:

Bina Daigler: Costume Designer (season 1) see also: Dumplin’, Tár, Mulan (2020), 1899

María Estela Fernánde: Costume Designer (season 2-3) see also: Narcos: Mexico, Queen of the South, Hell (El Infierno)

Mayra de Abreu: Wardrobe Supervisor (season 1) key costumer for (season 2-3) see also: Narcos: Mexico, The Head of Joaquín Murrieta (La Cabeza de Joaquín Murrieta)

full cast and crew

Comments: 

Can you tell I like 70s inspos?

Its unique but true to someone who grew up in RGV and now on his own

ie good luck getting him out of boots. you can’t do it

When he dresses up in s1+2, damn i love a tan suit! 

Its very formulaic, but not to the extent that it looks like he bought 7 colors of the exact same shirt. He’s pretty much always wearing a short sleeve button up and fitted jeans. which makes the times he isn’t stand out

ie the tan suit. what can i say i am an american who is up to date on politics i always defend a tan suit when i see one

also occasionally breaks out this like tan vest situation? 

I think it’s a good balance between like clearly not being inspired by like their “current day” but not so 70s that it would be odd. It’s kinda timeless. 

He tends to follow one of my outfits rules: max 3 colors

Rules are meant to be broken obvi 

But I do feel like as a general rule of thumb and since he doesn’t wear a ton of patterns, wearing more than three colors starts to make an outfit look random and not put together

For Javi, this usually means 

color 1: *shirt color* 

color 2: pants (pretty much just blue or black, he does throw in some brown pants) 

color 3: brown (pretty exclusively wears brown belts/shoes)

Short note on hair/grooming: I love how season 1 has some more length in the back and generally has a shaggy sort of look? By season 3 his hair is more cropped probably bc of his new role. 

Something about the extra length in the back makes him look young- not in the sense of like actual age but maybe looking more hopeful or green, even when dressed up 

Also every so often you can see when they mess up the stick on sideburns. It tickles me.

He’s a menace to society. And he knows it 

Pietro Alvarez: If Beale Street Could Talk

Rating:  8/10

Crew:

Caroline Eselin (Caroline Eselin-Schaefer): Costume Designer see also: Moonlight (2016), Father of the Bride, Troop Zero, The Underground Railroad

full cast and crew

Comments:

We don’t see much and what we see! Is so good

This deep deep red is very nice and I like that is a monochromatic look (I don’t think we see his pants in the movie but collecting pics for this I saw the pants are the same color) 

It also has my favorite type of collar- that extra pointy extra long collar. 

And he *drum rolls* accessorized! Its only a necklace but the choice to have it OVER the shirt, over an already perfectly monochrome outfit makes it pop

The things that bring it a little down for me is, well, there is only one scene to work with so it feels wrong to rank higher than projects with multiple outfits, and the grooming

The mustache didn’t have to be so thin. 

Hair wise I don’t understand why we always have to exaggerate the side burns to achieve the “deep sideburn” look. 

I feel like we could still make the hair look “of the time” by taking some of the weight from the sides and leaving it up top and working with his natural side burns (even if that means making them darker, just not necessarily longer)

Even though I get the hair of the time was very um... spherical

side note: everyone in this movie is dressed spectacularly. I am appreciating through the tears in my eyes

Jack Daniels: Kingsman: Golden Circle

Rating: 7/10

Crew:

Arianne Phillips: Costume Designer See Also: Don’t Worry Darling, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Nocturnal Animals, Kingsman: The Secret Service

Full cast and crew

Comments:

Have I watched in full? Maybe a few years ago? I remember the first one quite clearly bc the water filling up the bedroom scene YIKES!

The snowsuit is so good. It’s functional, it’s sassy. It has one of my favorite western top details I don’t know the name of but the little patch details on the front of the shoulders. 

Who’s idea was it for the belt buckle to be a FLASK!!! thats gold

I love a color SCHEME!!! 

brown leather deserves love

The rain boots- a practical choice in the middle of like the least practical movie ever? Leave him in cowboy boots you cowards

Like oh the grounds might get muddy he needs rain boots. His belt buckle was a flask guys be real

Marcus Pike: The Mentalist

Rating: 5/10

Crew:

Amanda Friedland: Costumer Designer See also: 13 Reasons Why, House of 1000 Corpses, Terminator: the Sarah Connor Chronicles, Fight Club, Clueless,

Scott O’Leary: Costume Designer See Also: The Rookie, Lucifer, Supergirl, 21 Jumpstreet

full cast and crew

Comments:

Have I watched in full? No. I caught a few episodes it was when it was airing but I don’t think i could tell you a single plot line 

(there is a LOT of FBI Department of Pseudo Psychology shows ok)

I do remember in one of his early eps they use the murder house from Nightcrawlers.

*Abby Lee voice* you didn’t stick out to me

Very government employee of you to wear ill fitting suits

Not to be irrational but v-neck t shirts don’t rub me the right way. 

This is a completely personal ick that I don’t expect anyone else to agree with. 

I just ~~ just do a crew neck you know? 

Maybe WHY I don’t like it is because its very 2010-2014. 

Which, in Marcus’ defense, just makes v-neck t-shirts something of the time 

Does nothing crazy with his suits, but nothing that makes me cover my eyes either 

Joel Miller: The Last of Us

Rating: 6/10

Crew:

Cynthia Anne Summers: Costume Designer See also: Swan Song, The Babysitters Club, Snowpiercer, A Series of Unfortunate Events (2018), Apollo 18

Full cast and crew

Comments:

Joel we get it you are nOT like other girls 

It makes sense for who he is. 

And who he is is someone who is not thinking about how much cunt he is going to serve with his outfit that day. 

unFORTUNATELY.

His pants ARE suspiciously fitted. Not so utilitarian when it comes to pants are you Joel?

But! I love the big coat. Could live in the big coat. The big coat deserves an award

The best part of the big coat is the main defense against the simplicity of Joel’s outfits are “oh it’s the apocalypse” or “oh he’s not thinking about that” 

Really? bc this is a SHEARLING lined coat. Do you know how quickly those fluffy shearling/sherpa etc. liners start to look like shit? if its a real shearling lining (the one he uses is real) you need to avoid getting it wet and store in dry areas. 

I am not even talking about price here! Because I have already explained why I think its not that weird to have people wearing expensive clothes 20 years into the apocalypse. 

Its the utility of having a shearling lined coat when you don’t have a closet full of DampRids

No way he had it in Boston since they only travel with regular sized backpacks. He saw it, liked it, wanted it, got it. 

He got that coat for the cunt of it all, you can’t convince me otherwise. 

Thank you so much for coming on this ride with me it was a fun exercise to look at just the clothes and not my feelings toward the character/movie/show. 

Who should I do next time? I have plenty of more thoughts hehe

~Tags for amiges who wanted to see this post!~

@fuckyeahpedropascal​ @simpingcowboy​

[isagrimorie]

[initial reactions] Critical Role: Bells Hells episode 49

That was such a good episode, I know that the characters were stressed being on board the sky ship, eating up time as the Apogee Solstice creeps ever forward but it was such a great moment for the characters to unwind a bit and talk. I always love their planning stuff despite how many people gripe about it on the chat and reddit, I love their thought process and the way they try to mitigate the damage they do.

I already love Laudna but IMO she was in fine form this episode, finally cracking Ashton open and getting that long awaited talk out of the way. I can see why the dynamic of Keyleth and Percy work so well in C1 and I wish its something they can show more in the animated series. *crossing fingers for season 3 of TLOVM!

It does feel like its a dynamic Taliesin and Marisha want to recreate in a different flavor with Ashton and Laudna, and they're doing so successfully. I love how Ashton and Laudna talk, and call each other's bullshit out but this episode especially, Laudna is showing off the wisdom she learned in 30 hard earned years she's lived.

Orym's also successfully reaching out to people with Dorian and I love how we're getting hints of things in EXU Prime that in their end, things are also very dicey. Opal getting dark???

I am so into that and Fearne's immediate concern is apparent. But also, Marisha knowing the details of the EXU Prime plot is so juicy!

The gang accomplished so much recruiting Ira, finally telling some more people in authority or approximate authority about how dire the situations are. Telling Pike, even though she can't do things, maybe? Possibly? Apparently, things on Tal'dorei are also very dicey, so Whitestone might have its own problems with the Ziggurat.

I'm going to heap more praise towards Laudna because of the interrogative sort of femme fatale honey pot play she did with Ira, getting Ira to talk more about it, tagged teamed with Fearne at the end.

Speaking of, Fearne is very much still ambivalent towards her parents, sure she's nice to them but as she told Nana Morri, her parents feel more like strangers than people related to her.

Also, Thank Goodness, the team's finally equipped but I need Dani to remind the cast that they still have residuum and the bracers of defense!

I feel like there's gonna be some Mad Max shenanigans that's going to happen on the Apogee Solstice, and its going to be heart pounding and epic and so great.

FCG also learned some things about himself, about how he is not alone and Devaxian also stressed how from this point on he is gifted with a chance to own his own future. A future of his own making. (A theme that will be repeated a lot!).

And then there's that moment when Imogen meets with Liliana again and, and, and I am VINDICATED!!! LILIANA IS A TRUE BELIEVER. She might even be Ludinus's real right hand and not Otohan which would be DELICIOUS.

I love that Liliana tried to get Imogen on her side and Imogen genuinely considered it because the vision she painted was tempting, for someone like Imogen who was tormented by her powers that's a siren call.

But of course, Fearne and Orym was around in the dream and they played it as silent observers instead of actively interacting with the dream space like how the others did it. It does feel like Fearne and Orym are still at heart, a unit. In a similar but different way to Laudna and Imogen. I love the talk they had about Imogen, about the possibility of Imogen turning because of her mother. Orym and Fearne will do what's necessary to stop things from happening and it's really fascinating how that will go.

Laura's face was interesting the whole time too.

And then, and then just when the group thinks its hopeless they get a possible help and distraction of the big army with Keyleth coming in, sounding exhausted and heart sick but still willing to help to put Ashari volunteers to help. I hope the group remembers to warn Keyleth about the antimagic that's going to happen.

I feel like Keyleth and the Air Ashari can act as distraction while the Bells Hells, as a strike team can go and take down the Malleus Key. Everyone in the cast looked happy at this development, except for Marisha who looked worried and had her Thinking Face on.

Near the end, Imogen talks to Orym and asked how he can go on after everyone he lost and they have a heartfelt talk. Orym tells Imogen that he believes in her but Imogen is not convinced but doesn't try to read his mind to know if this is true. Instead, at long last, after many episodes.

Imogen goes back to the room she shares with Laudna and finally talks to her. Whatever impetus it was: her fear, uncertainty, or the realization that she shares some similarities with her father and that's the reluctance to talk.

Laudna asks if Imogen is okay, and automatically, Imogen answers she is. Laudna gently tells Imogen she didn't need to lie to Laudna about 'being fine'. And so Imogen opens the conversation with admitting that she's been afraid of really talking to Laudna after she was resurrected, that she had something to tell Laudna.

Laudna asks Imogen what it is she wanted to say but Imogen hesitates and then says something about her fear and god I love how Laudna approached her talk with Imogen. I love that Laudna went about it with understanding because, of course, who more than Laudna hasn't thought what would have happened if life had been different.

Laudna had thirty years to think similar thoughts, to wish a different life than the one she had. She candidly told Ashton she made Patê so she won't lose her mind wandering alone.

But through everything Laudna lived through she is very cognizant too the reason she met Imogen and the other Bells Hells was because of who she is and became. And I think Marisha has her answer to Aabria's question from the 4 Sided Dive a long time ago -- there is a part of her that is a little grateful for Delilah or whatever patron that made her a Hollow One, that she has this powers now and ability to be spooky. Things she enjoys.

It's a little messed up and complicated.

I also love that while Laudna didn't hear Imogen's promise about how Laudna will always have a choice, Laudna unknowingly echoed back Imogen's words. Imogen has a choice. She will always have a choice and having the ability to choose is a power all its own. Its not something gods can take away.

Honestly, I love how Laudna is talking to Imogen from a place of understanding and I think more than anything, this helped Imogen solidify her grasp of why they're fighting. It's not just because its wrong and kill other people. All morally right reasons why they need to stop Ludinus and his group.

It's because every individual deserves a right to choose. And that love also means loving every part of a person, especially the weird parts of them.

Imogen might have lost her nerve to tell Laudna she loved her, loved her, romantic stylez and Laudna might slowly be waking into the part of herself that can access it. But its plain as day they love each other and I'm okay to wait on how long and slow this will cook, but also saying things like:

"I feel so comfortable and bonded with you. We transcend words in our relationship.

"You'll always have me."

"I'll always be there to support you whatever choice you make.

"You're my tether."

"That tether goes beyond this realm and this life."

C'MON. Those words are my ship Kryptonite! If I hadn't already shipped them, this would have definitely tip the scales! And I feel very well fed tonight!

God I love them. I love the Bells Hells.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

I just finished The Heart of the World, literally a day after receiving it. It's so good! I love the way that you reinterpreted the characters in the fic so that you can still see them in the characters of the book. I'm also intrigued by Death-who's-not-Lily.

I have a couple questions. First, how and why did you decide on Iff, Theyne, Wheyne, and Annde as the humans' names? Second, Lily doesn't really get along well with Snape, if I remember, so why does she get along with Ilyn now?

And finally, when is the next book coming out???

Oh my god, look at you go! Thank you, I'm very flattered and glad you enjoyed it.

And now, your questions.

The Names

So, a fun fact, I hate naming characters and things. It's generally not something I have that much interest in and am not that attached to. Sometimes, you get a really great name and you're never letting go of it for that character, and sometimes you could honestly call them "Boy with Stick" and be done with it.

I now needed a lot of names and I wanted readers at a glance to be able to know, generally, which character belonged to which group. Which meant I needed themes.

There's a hilarious anecdote to be told where @therealvinelle on editing, wanted to go all out and come up with real, non-existent, but believable names for characters where you can tell a whole lot about their society by naming them.

I, um, said "Uh, these people will have backwards common English names. And these people will have QWERTY keyboard smash names. And these ones... Fuck it, he'll be Questburger."

So as for the human nobility, Lily got her name first, as Iff, the idea being a stupid joke/pun that isn't funny on my end where "iff" in mathematics is short for "if and only if". What it gets at is that Lily, as we see her, is the product of a very particular chain of events, that we're in a very particular world, and that there's something to follow that "if and only if" that is integral but that we're currently missing.

But then I have to come up with names for everyone else. And so we got the House of Prepositions and Conjunctions. Very serious they are.

Theyn was next up, as the next central royal character, and his name has a similar "har har but not really because it's not that funny and kind of weird" theme to it where the idea is he's "then BLAH", you're always waiting on something to occur with Theyn, unwittingly passing over him for the more interesting context in the sentence. He's there to set up something else, and by himself feels incomplete/not that interesting. Poor poor Theyn, even the universe doesn't think he's interesting or important.

Annde was next as he's the next important character we meet from this background after Theyn. Similar joke with him, he's "And... And?" You're waiting for the rest of the sentence with him, you can't end a sentence on "and" nor can you start it on one. He's just there to fill the gaps, to not be that important, and oh look a spoiler.

Wheyn (the regent) was next and was in part because a) I needed a name b) he's a bit of an inevitability in the universe. When one has a shake-up in a monarchy that holds all the power/isn't a constitutional monarchy, there's always going to be backstabbing nonsense and power plays. Wheyn is an unimportant inevitability, one that shocks no one (except Theyn, poor Theyn) and the answer to "When blah happens expect rain".

Which leaves us with, I believe the last, Whye, Lily's father. Him it's a similar gag but three-fold. There's the "WHY?!?!?!?!" in that no one really understands why he gave up the throne, married a sun elf, and scandalized absolutely everybody. Then there's "why?" as Lily's reaction, she's ambivalent about her parents and not sure how she should feel about them, and shields herself from feelings of abandonment by telling herself she's indifferent. As a result, she tends to approach any information about her parents with a "why should I care?" and gets very uncomfortable when anyone brings either of them up (and there's also that every character so far has brought up Lily's mother much more than her father leading to that question of "why are we talking about him?") Then there's the fact that there's a question to be asked that implies he has some kind of an answer to it a "why?" drifting off out there somewhere in the backgrounds.

And that's all the human nobility from our fantasy universe so far. (Elizabeth is noticeably an Elizabeth and sticks out like a sore thumb.)

Lily and Ilyn

The short answer is that Snape and Ilyn are different people fundamentally. They're in similar roles, took similar actions for various reasons, but they're very different as people.

And that goes for a lot of the things in the book. Elements of the fic remained, and some elements of HP, but not as much as people probably suspect even with the things that are very clearly taken over (believe it or not, I would call Elizabeth and Hermione different).

As for the long answer, well, for other people read the book and I hope it's explained.

When Next Book?!

I'm flattered but I don't know yet. Have to write it then edit then cover art and all that jazz.

I'll let people know.

[bragganhyl]

Can you do kana for the character thing please? And Eder if you want 😘

I sure could, thank you :D

How I feel about this character: Sweet angel boy, too good for the world, I learned so much about different chanter builds just so I can keep him around along with my chanter Watcher lmao but also his arc hits harder with every replay

All the people I ship romantically with this character: As I recall, he only ever shows interest in Maneha and well she's obviously not interested. So... idk at most the Watcher, I bet a romance would have been very cute and very - for the lack of better word - romantic with him.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Hiravias, I'm probably repeating myself but I do very much like how Kana brings out his more scholarly side. Hell, I'm pretty sure Kana is one of the very few people if not the only one (aside from the Watcher potentially I mean) who sees and treats him as an intellectual. So yeah I like their nerd dynamic a lot.

But also Maia, ofc, just... give me all the Rua family interactions, it's fun, it's tense but the love between them is undeniable still.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I feel very ambivalent about his post-Crookspur cameo in Deafire, because on the one hand I'm always very happy about more Kana but why did he have to join the navy 😭😭😭 That's not what I meant when I told him that Rauatai should seek common cultural links with other nations, babyboy nooo 😭😭😭

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: This might be obvious but he should've been in Deadfire more. Tbh I think the faction companions could've worked better if we had 2/faction and we could see their different attitudes and maybe see them play off one another but that may be just me I definitely would have liked if I had both the Rua siblings on board and see their friction more. And ofc see how the last 5 years changed Kana - aside from him joining the navy I mean

I'm putting Edér under the cut bc it's getting long

How I feel about this character: Do you need to ask, Anon? I love himst, I love him so much it's not even funny at this point 😭

All the people I ship romantically with this character: The Watcher, like... a lot. His devotion for them is through the roof, the Watcher is in some ways the light of his life who pulls him out of the dark and apathetic mental space where the Saint's War and its aftermath placed him. Like how am I supposed to be normal about them? Especially if you throw in lines like "I wish [the gods] knew you like I did" or the personal +5 to deflection line seriously who's idea was that and why does it sound like that

also if you've been around this household then you might know that I also like the Team Gilded Vale throuple but like a) i'm not ready to submit that 5 page long essay rn and b) I kinda can't separate the dynamic from my Watcher in specific rn so yeah ask me about that some other time I'm very sorry my brain is a mush

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Tbh he's got good chemistry with like most of the companions in either games, but ngl I do like the idea of him befriending Grieving Mother a lot. They only interact once but even then Edér calls her a "nice, stranger lady" - despite GM's aura of unpleasantness - and GM seems really heartbroken over being unable to help him during his personal quest. And they both end up in Dyrford potentially, I'd like to think they end up bonding between games.

My unpopular opinion about this character: He's not a himbo, he's not dumb enough for that tho deadfire does dumb him down ngl and he can be very mean at times too so... yeah.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Elafa should not have died. It does her dirty because obviously. It does Edér dirty because he ends his story still holding onto a version of Elafa that hasn't existed since the Saint's War. In some ways it even does Bearn dirty because the only way to establish a substantial link between him and Edér is to navigate the boat scenario in a very specific way that most players won't even think to aim for (you need to run out of convo options with Bearn while he's still undecided to push Edér to talk him down himself)

[persuedbybear]

Conspiracy Time:

I am actually convinced at this point that all of the people who are vocal about book!Mal being whiny/sexist/selfish/boring/ambivalent or scared of Alina are actually just certain fans trying to scare show watchers away from reading the books.

Because, I've heard so many show fans say they don't want to read the books because they like Mal so much in the show and don't want the books to ruin him.

So I am here to reassure you. Book!Mal, he's pretty fucking awesome. He's smart, and funny, and charming, and capable. He's great with kids, and firmly believes that anything other than an enthusiastic "yes" is a "no." He calls Alina out on her BS, but is also her biggest supporter, and he is willing to do anything for her, regardless of what it is going to cost him and even when he will get nothing in return.

So yeah, don't be afraid to read the books.

[rageprufrock]

am i going to watch a whole show (mysterious lotus casebook) just so i can read your fic about it? yes. Am I also indefinitely suspended in a state of melancholy yearning for your vaguely-promised addition to Whittled Down by Another War? also yes. May sleep continue to elude you.

You know what? Ask and ye shall receive at least some of it, which I have written so far. Happy reading.

The first guy Porsche ever fools around with is a Korean tourist on vacation who shoots his shot in broken Thai. He's all smooth skin and silver-blond hair, wearing skintight jeans and a billowy pearl shirt; Porsche thinks he looks iridescent in the pink light of Hum Bar, between his light hair and light contacts, and he knows, objectively, that the guy is prettier than half the girls in the room tonight.

Because Porsche is sort of an asshole, he doesn't really catch the guy's name—Taemin? Jimin? something like that?—but he does remember thinking that it might be worth figuring out what the big deal was, and holding up his cigarettes, saying, "My break's in 15 minutes." It's a decision he makes out of pure curiosity without any influence from recent social factors, new acquaintances, members of the Bangkok underworld, or their specific tendencies to walk around with their tits hanging out of their designer shirts.

It's nice, because it's almost never not nice when someone is nice enough to put their mouth on your dick, but Porsche thinks—vague with formless disappointment—that it's only nice. Out of good hookup etiquette, Porsche offers and performs what he hopes is an acceptable handjob before giving his partner some alleyway wet wipes and a cigarette. It's a solid 6/10 experience, and he ends up dropping a few Google Maps pins for the kid for good restaurant recommendations and tells him which tourist traps to avoid if at all possible. It is the most ambivalent he has ever felt about a sexual experience, and it leaves him annoyed in a way Porsche decides not to think about.

"Are you serious?" Tem demands, when Porsche comes back from the alley. "It's not enough for you to Bogart all the hot chicks in his bar, you have to start poaching guys?"

"I'm allowed to try new things," Porsche whines.

Tem narrows his eyes. "Is this about your crush on the mafia guy?"

"This is homophobic," Porsche says, feeling a rising sense of dread, because Tem is one of his best friends, and the worst part of intimacy is being known. "And anyway it was—fine. It was extremely okay. It was no big deal. Turns out I'm still just straight."

"You are a complete fucking clown is what you are," Tem says to him, which turns out to be only the third-meanest thing Tem calls him that night.

The second time Porsche hooks up with a guy, he's actually Thai, which allows for improved communication but provides stunningly little benefit otherwise. King is a solid six inches shorter than Porsche, with glossy black hair and beestung lips, wearing a mesh shirt and cut up shorts. He leans over the bar with a flattering interest and the type of confidence that looks sexy on anybody, hooks one finger into the place where Porsche's shirt button is fighting for its life, and asks if he's interested in going somewhere private after his shift.

Porsche means to say, "Oh, no, thank you, but I'm not interested."

What Porsche actually says is, "Okay. Do you have a place?" and feels Tem's glare searing into his organs from a distance of 10 meters.

The situation isn't improved when, as he's begging off closing, Yok glowers at him like a disapproving parent and asks, "What the hell are you doing?"

"I don't know," Porsche says, honest. "I mean—what the hell am I ever doing?"

"Oh my God," Yok mutters. "Just—don't get pregnant."

Porsche doesn't get pregnant, but he does get pushed backward onto the creaky mattress of a dingy little apartment so that King can mouth at his dick until he's all the way hard and roll on a condom. Porsche likes to think he's polite in bed, so he tries to like, help, or whatever, but King seems to take Porsche's attempts to participate as adorable but misguided, even if he does say, "sure, if you want to try," when Porsche asks to help finger him open. It's shockingly different and shockingly the same, dipping his fingers into the hot clutch of someone's body, so weird if you think about it too much, but so immediate and close in the moment. The warm weight of another person, the smell of King's hair, the little huffs and noises he makes—those are all so good—and Porsche likes making people feel good, likes when he does something right and King says, "oh, yes, there, there." It takes him out of his own head and plunges him back into the moment, back into a stranger's apartment and a stranger's bed, back to the moment at hand where King is perched in his lap, notching the head of Porsche's cock into the slick, hot furl of his hole and sliding down, down, down.

It's good, in a way that's nothing like it's been with all the women he's fucked against alley walls, and Porsche feels sparks behind the eyes when King holds him down, takes what he needs. It's rough and a little raw, and King leaves a mean little brand of dull fingernail bruises on Porsche's thigh, from where he leaned back to get the angle how he liked and rode Porsche into the sunset.

"Not bad for your first time," King says after, just wandering around scrubbing between his legs with a towel in a way Porsche is certain no woman would be caught dead doing. "You want anything? Water? I have some watermelon?"

"Uh," Porsche says, still wearing a t-shirt, no pants and the used condom, lying on top of King's sheets like a fucking idiot. "No, I'm good?"

"Great, well, it was great hanging out tonight," King says, all business, hands Porsche his jeans and tosses him out on his freshly fucked ass.

"What the fuck," Porsche hisses, to himself, to the unfeeling universe, into the visor of his motorcycle helmet as he steers himself home, feeling knock-kneed and akimbo, run through with so much weirdness it's like he's 13 all over again.

"Well you can stop worrying, I'm definitely straight," Porsche reports the next day, when Tem traps him in the newly installed walk-in fridge and threatens him with a muddler.

Tem looks like he's in physical pain. "Please explain."

"Well I had actual butt sex with a guy—"

"Holy shit," Tem whispers.

"—and it was, I mean. It was whatever? It was good, I guess?" Porsche says, struggling, because it was good and bad and weird and near what he wanted but so far away he'd been angry showering that night, scrubbing under his pits and around his groin. It's like biting into a strawberry to find it tasteless after he's wondered for decades, saved for years, and now he feels embarrassed and pissed about it, still hungry.

"You guess?" Tem asks, sounding increasingly hysterical.

"It was just okay!" Porsche yells. "Like extremely, totally just okay! Like what is even the big deal if that's all it was? It was fine! He was super pretty and I couldn't even get into it so what's the point?"

Tem puts down the muddler but only so he can cover his face with both hands. It leaves Porsche standing there feeling humiliated and getting colder and colder for a long time before Tem says through his fingers, "Porsche, do you want me to tell you what I think?"

Porsche met Tem back in kindergarten, because when all their classmates had been comparing who had the fewest teeth, he and Tem had tied. When Porsche was too scared to go to the boy's bathroom because Jom started a rumor that it was haunted, Tem had kept watch when Porsche had gone to go take a shit in the bushes behind the gym. Tem helps Porsche sweep up his parents' graves, helps Chay with his homework; he knows where the junk drawer in Porsche's house is, where to find the extra toilet paper, the batteries, all of Porsche's hidden hopes.

Porsche absolutely does not want to know what Tem thinks.

"No, I'm good," Porsche babbles, shoulderchecks Tem out of the way, and flees into the front of house before throwing himself at every ravening group of drunk women available for the rest of the night, terrified Tem's going to reveal some truth of the universe Porsche isn't ready to hear yet.



The problem—well, one of the problems—is that Porsche still wants to talk about it. It keeps bubbling up under his skin like an itch, always on the tip of his tongue, but Tem's moved on from trying to give him tough love to giving Porsche tender looks, like Porsche has a terminal case of being a fucking moron and only six months to live. So the point is Porsche has this weird impulse, this jitter, and he can't talk to Tem about it, which means he can't talk to Jom about it, because Jom will just text Tem and Tem will come after Porsche like a surface to air missile. There are no circumstances under which Porsche could talk to Chay about it. Porsche briefly hallucinates talking to Kinn about it, the next time Kinn comes to the bar in his tailored trousers to drink too many Old Fashioneds, and it feels like someone threw a molotov cocktail into Porsche's stomach, so that's right out. Anyway, the point is, for lots of reasons, most of them bad, Porsche's go-to friend for questions about gay sex ends up being Big.

"Hey, we're friends," Porsche says. "Can I ask you about doing it with guys?"

"We're not friends," Big says with absolute conviction and a look on his face like he just watched Porsche murder a basket of kittens.

"So like—how did you know?" Porsche goes on, ignoring him. "That you were into dudes?"

Big stares over Porsche's shoulder, at the wall of liquor behind him, and appears to be suffering the worst possible torment and extremis.

"I'm just asking because like, sex feels good in general right?" Porsche barrels on, because Big can't ignore him forever. Kinn had banished him to the bar so that he could have what looks like the most classic I Hate Being Your Older Brother phone call of all time in a booth four feet away, so there's nowhere Big can go and nothing he can do. "Like how do you know if it's good because you're into dudes, or just friction?"

"You're how old?" Big snaps, breaking. "How can you not know this? Also—how do you know I'm even into men?"

"I have eyes," Porsche says. "I use them to watch you staring at Kinn."

"I'm a bodyguard," Big says. "It's literally my job to stare at Khun Kinn."

"You better hang onto that bodyguard job, because you're a shit actor," Porsche says. "Come on, seriously. I need help. Like gay help."

Big turns away from the wall of liquor so that he can stare at Kinn some more. "I wish I could drink on the job," he says, like Porsche is slowly killing him, and then before Porsche can argue his point anymore, Kinn ends his call and ambles back over.

"That was my cue," Kinn says, indicating his phone and glancing at Big.

"I'll call for the car immediately," Big says, and fucking disappears, dust clouds in his wake, as far away from Porsche and his unanswered question as possible, the dick.

Even worse, it leaves Porsche in the harrowing position of being unsupervised and subjected to all of Kinn's concentrated attention: those dark eyes huge and hungry and thoughtful, staring and staring. It makes Porsche's heart hurt; it makes him shy; it makes him duck his head, nervous, and to scrub at the spotless counter with a rag and ask, "Do you have time for one more? For the road?" too softly, too—everything.

"Not tonight," Kinn tells him. His smile looks a little glassy, too brittle and polished and polite; this isn't the Kinn that Porsche likes best, where he's wrinkled and bitchy and rude, entirely present. "But thank you."

"Of course," Porsche says, feeling hot, feeling lost. "Have a good night."

Kinn leaves Porsche a 500% tip. "You too, Porsche."

It's a lot later, and only into the forgiving dark of his bedroom, that Porsche curls up on his side and stares out his window and whispers, "Be safe." Worse than any secret Tem knows, worse than anything Big could say, that he has to grit his teeth against the words every time Kinn walks away is the worst, most exposing truth of all.

Porsche figures that now that he's ticked those two homosexual boxes, he's done with this weird little experiment. This assumption holds true until he finds himself in the alleyway behind Hum Bar again, only this time his knees hurt, bone grinding against the wet cement paving through his polyester work pants as he stares up at some guy who'd followed Porsche out during his break. Kinn's been a no-show at the bar for more than a month: there hasn't been anything in the newspapers, there hasn't been anything in the society pages, there hasn't been anything on the police scanners. Porsche blames this radio silence for the series of poor decisions he makes that night, beginning with taking two fortifying shots three-quarters of the way through his shift, and concluding with getting facefucked less than 10 meters away from a bunch of trash cans.

Long after tonight's random gay interlude disappears, Tem finds Porsche sitting on a stack of palettes in the back, letting his cigarette burn down to the filter.

"What the fuck," Tem says. "What happened to you? Are you okay? Are you crying?"

Porsche scrubs at his face. "No," he lies, because he'd definitely been crying earlier, choking on dick, and his mouth feels bruised, swollen. He's afraid to see what he looks like right now, if he would look as obvious as he feels: used up, if just anybody could see him and know immediately how much he likes how his throat hurts, the way he keeps sweeping his tongue over his teeth, chasing the bitter salt taste of cum in his mouth.

Tem's face goes through all five stages of grief before he swings back to anger, shoves at Porsche until there's enough room on the palette to sit on his right, and steals his cigarette.

[spacemagicandlaserswords]

The Clone Wars: Return of the Thoughts

I’m over half way through my first watch through of The Clone Wars (I’m part way through the Onderon rebels arc at the moment) and it has been An Experience. I have really enjoyed watching it, even though so much of the story is just pain and despair. If it isn’t already completely obvious from my reaction posts, I have completely fallen for the clones. New hyperfixation unlocked. I love and adore all of them. This brings about its own problems because for a show called The Clone Wars, there isn’t exactly a great focus on the clones. They’ve basically been sidelined in their own show (Hmmm, I wonder where we’ve seen that done to a clone before?). When we do finally get some decent clone-centric episodes, they are all just pain, misery, angst and despair. Which explains why I’ve been dreading watching so many of the various arcs in TCW.

I’ve found that my anticipation of episodes falls into either 'outright dreading', 'generally looking forward to', 'somewhat interested in', or 'fairly ambivalent about'. Out of the three seasons I have left to watch, the only arc I’m actually looking forward to is the opening arc of season 7, because:

a) Baby Bad Batch b) ECHO c) More clones! More clone interactions and personality and character development and depth and emotions and all the things! d) Jesse and his ARC tits running around being an absolute unit e) Kix! *weeps for his beautiful hair* f) Rex being a BAMF as usual but also being all soft and concerned when he gets one of his Domino Twins back after he thought he’d lost them both. g) We even get a bit of Cody too, before he gets squished by a larty and Wrecker has to lift it off him. h) Non-chip controlled Crosshair! He smiles! He laughs! He’s snarky and sarcastic! We finally get to see the toothpick with a soul before it’s ripped out and trampled into the ground by the Empire. i) I think the season 7 premiere is where Obi-Wan cuts an actual missile in half to save Cody, and if that isn’t the most hyper competent way of conveying your love for your space husband, then I don’t know what is.

On the other side of things, there are a number of arcs that I am dreading and almost don’t want to watch. 

I’m not overly looking forward to the Mandalore arc in season 5, mainly because we have to watch Obi-Wan watch Satine get brutally murdered in front of him by Maul. Along with being utterly cruel and completely devastating, it’s also another wholly unnecessary fridging of a female character. There’s already enough man pain in this series as it is, we don’t need to add to it by killing off one of the few female characters with depth. 

Straight after this is the Jedi temple bombing arc, which I almost don’t want to watch. The way Ahsoka was treated was utterly horrendous and appalling. No wonder she left! What they did to Barriss was just as awful. 

Then it’s straight into the chip conspiracy arc, which is just more pain, misery, suffering and death for the clones. First Tup, then Fives, in what seems to be generally regarded as one of the most devastating deaths of the entire Clone Wars series. I’m pretty sure there’s going to be a lot of sobbing at the end of it. I also cannot wrap my head around the fact that Fox is the one to shoot Fives. I cannot believe that a clone would ever shoot another clone. That a vod would kill another vod. It’s just inconceivable. From what I’ve read, the generally received headcanon seems to be that Palps was controlling Fox via the chip or the Darkside. This makes complete sense, is a believable in-universe reason, and is definitely the headcanon that I’ve accepted. Blasters have a stun setting! Fox is the Commander of the Coruscant Guard. He’s a command class clone and he has a kama so presumably he’s got ARC training as well. There’s no way he’d be that sloppy as to not have his blaster set to stun. I know this is leading up to my inevitable internal conflict between fandom Fox and canon Fox (which is already brewing), but that’s another rant for another day. Either way, I'm absolutely dreading watching this arc.

I’m not really looking forward to watching the Rush Clovis arc in season 6. I touched on this in 2.04 ‘Senate Spy’ and I should imagine that this arc involves more of Anakin being abusive and controlling of Padmé, which both @0bianidalas and @coraex basically confirmed in the comments. For a multitude of personal reasons, I am really not comfortable with watching something like this. That said, I should imagine it will be a clear example of Anakin’s further descent to the Dark side and give a greater understanding to how it happened, which I gather was a key reason for the existence of The Clone Wars series in the first place.

Finally, there’s the Siege of Mandalore arc, which is just pain, misery, death and despair for everyone involved. We have to watch another perspective of the genocide that is Order 66, and by all accounts this one seems to be one of the most heart-wrenching and devastating. All of the clones are forced against their will to turn into brainwashed, controlled, mindless monsters. Jesse is turned into the very opposite of everything that he is, stood for, and believed in. Ahsoka is hunted by the very men she thought were her friends. Rex has to shoot his brothers out of self defense and to protect Ahsoka. All of the 322nd die. Rex cries. The only saving grace to all of this is that Rex is finally free, but at what cost. At what cost.

(Editor Me: My heart is already aching just going through the various gifs from these arcs. I'm going to be an absolute wreck I watch the actual episodes.)

After all of this, I somehow have to power through 4 seasons of Rebels before Ahsoka premiers on August 23. I’m probably going to have to binge watch Rebels and come back to it later for the reaction posts but we’ll see. While I have spoiled myself on Rebels in the same way I did for TCW, I haven’t been looking up what happens in Rebels quite as much as TCW. I’ve forgotten a fair amount of what happens so I think I’m going to try and keep myself as spoiler free as possible for Rebels. Hopefully that way I’ll be able to avoid this ‘dreading watching particular arcs’ problem that I’m encountering with TCW.  

It’s not all doom and gloom though. There are moments in particular episodes that I’m looking forward to.

Hondo turns up again in the younglings arc and I am all for more Hondo. My interest in this arc falls somewhere between ‘somewhat interested’ and ‘fairly ambivalent’ but Hondo is an absolute riot and I love his particular brand of chaos. He was hilarious in the season 5 premiere and stole every scene he was in so I’m very glad to see him appear again.

We finally get to meet Gregor! He seems like a fan favourite and I’ve been looking forward to meeting him. If the droids mission is anything like R2-D2 and the reprogrammed B1 droids in the Citadel arc then this should be fairly amusing too so I’m generally looking forward to this.

In a way, I am looking forward to parts of the Mandalore arc in season 5. Obi-Wan in Mandalorian armour! More sass and snark from Obi-Wan is always enjoyable and at least we get to see him rescue Satine before it all goes horribly wrong. I know I’ve made this point before but I also love it when we get to see just how damn good a Jedi Obi-Wan is. There’s a little bit of this in the season 4 finale when Obi-Wan teams up with Ventress to fight Maul and Savage (after he’s thrown about like a rag doll and we get even more Obi-Wan whump. TCW has been a surprisingly excellent source of Obi-Wan whump.) But you really get to see it in the season 5 premiere. At one stage Obi-Wan is dual wielding lightsabers like an absolute madman while fighting both Maul and Savage at the same time. Sir, your lightsaber form is Soresu, what are you doing?

I’m looking forward to ‘The Lost One’ because we get to see a bit more of Wolffe, Plo and the Wolf Pack and I am always happy when we get to see more of them. Even if it's only for a tiny bit at the start of the episode.

As painful as the Siege of Mandalore arc is going to be, there are also some good moments that I’m looking forward to. Rex and Ahsoka reunite after she left the Order. I’ve really been enjoying watching the gradual evolution of their relationship, from Captain and Commander, to colleagues that respect each other, to friends, and then brother and sister. Or ori’vod and vod’ika, if we’re going with the headcanon of clones knowing Mando’a and creating their own culture out of what they can glean from their Mandalorian origins. Rex is definitely ori’vod. 

Rex is finally promoted to commander so we get a little bit of Commander Rex for a while, and isn’t that just a delicious thought thot. 

Ahsoka essentially gets her own company in the form of the 332nd and they all paint their helmets in a pattern inspired by the markings on her montrals, which is just so damn sweet and adorable.   

Rex and Ahsoka fighting side by side, even if some of it is against chip controlled clones.

From what I can gather, this entire arc is mainly about Rex and Ahsoka, with a showdown with Maul thrown in. They both go through the wringer and there’s going to be everything from hilarious one liners, to heartfelt moments, to the absolute emotional devastation that is Order 66 and all that it wrought upon them.  

Out of the arcs that are left, they’re a mix of ‘somewhat interested’, ‘fairly ambivalent’ and ‘really not sure what to expect’. I’m fairly ambivalent about the rest of the Onderon rebels arc, which ends in another unnecessary fridging of a female character. At least Steela was more sensible and had more nuance. I could see her evolving into a great leader, in a similar vein to Leia. Saw is just another boring arrogant male who turns into a ‘for the greater good’ monster. The consequences of his actions have disastrous effects for the Empire and the rebels, or anyone who even slightly opposes the Empire. He’s not a good person and definitely falls into the ‘an enemy of my enemy is my friend/temporary ally’ camp.  

I’m ‘fairly ambivalent’ to almost disinterested in ‘The Disappeared’ arc. Anything involving Jar Jar Binks is always deeply painful and uncomfortable to watch, a point I’ve made before, so I’m not going to blither on about it again.

The final arc of season 6 just sounds weird and all very ~mystical~ Jedi. Or more Jedi osik as the more cynical of the clones would probably say. 

The Ahsoka arc in the middle of season 7 is one I’m really not sure what to expect from. I’m looking forward to meeting Trace and Rafa and I’m all for more women of colour in Star Wars. It’ll also give more context to the episode ‘Decommissioned’ from The Bad Batch and help understand exactly who they are and why they’re coincidentally looking for the same Separatist tactical droid as the Batch. It’ll also be interesting to see what happens to Ahsoka after she leaves the order and get a sense for what she’s been up to and how she’s managed to survive and cope since. I’m not sure if this arc is in chronological order with the rest of the season. Though the last episode does appear to link into the Siege of Mandalore arc, so maybe it is. The official chronological order lists this arc as happening before the Bad Batch arc and after the season 6 finale arc, so I guess that solves that then.

Aside from The Bad Batch arc, there’s no whole episode or arc that I’m actually looking forward to watching. This seems to be the main structure to TCW, hilarious comedic moments and heartfelt scenes interspersed between a whole lot of emotional devastation and heart wrenching endings. I’m still glad I’m finally watching The Clone Wars but the emotional ride from certain episodes and arcs has been something else. I’m so glad fix-it fics exist, because I’m going to need to read so many after all of this is said and done. 

I know this might seem like I’m complaining but I’m not. I’m simply being open and honest about my experiences watching The Clone Wars. I am enjoying watching it all, even if ‘enjoying’ doesn’t quite feel like the right word with all of the pain and despair and misery that happens. 

I’ve got a lot left to watch and not much time to watch it in but I’m also going to make sure I enjoy it as well. I’ll be sad when it’s finished but I am very happy and glad that I finally started watching The Clone Wars. 

[charleslelurk]

Hello! Can you talk about the first kiss part in erosion for the director's cut? Especially the Max side of it, I wonder what was it like for him.

The initial conversation on the roof about girls was largely to establish that they are both not straight but have no idea. That's why Charles is so ambivalent to the first kiss he had and did not enjoy it very much (“Why? Is it not the best?” “I did not very much like to, I just… wanted to do it. For the first time. Yeah?”). I never said explicitly in the story but Charles is gay and Max is bi, so Max does actually want the attention from the girls at the party. The dynamic of the girls fawning over Charles but Max wanting that attention was to juxtapose who they are in their adolescence, but it was also something that could obviously drive a wedge between them. Instead, it opens their conversation about first kisses and gives Charles the opportunity to suggest that they kiss. Something that would normally come between friends, like girls, does not even phase these two.

When Max quickly shoots Charles down with "But boys don't kiss" he is just repeating something he has heard from Jos. Max does not truly mean it, he just needs Charles to wear him down a little before he agrees.

Originally, there was a different "feminine" name Charles gave Max to tell his friends. I don't remember anymore what it was if I am going to be honest. I think it was changed in my very first round of edits for this scene.

One of the hardest things about this scene was the dialogue. I adore writing their somewhat incorrect English but it also provides some serious challenges when I have to figure out how to describe something with English words they would think to use. Having Charles describe how to kiss (“And then you put your lips one and the other and one and the other") was one line of dialogue that changed multiple times while writing this scene because it kept coming out in ways that didn't sound like him.

Max is so scientific and formulaic and goal oriented in Erosion that I imagine his internal monologue was all about making sure he was kissing correctly. That is why he asks Charles so many questions before their mouths are actually on one another. And at first he is more focused on the act of it, and not on how it feels and who he is kissing. That is until Charles deepens it and then Max does not speak for several lines after they break the kiss. I imagine this is the moment he first realizes he is obsessed with Charles. Before this, Jos has already been warning Max about Charles, calling him slurs inside their home (just based on stereotypes of men who are softer and like art), but Max has not thought of the implications of any of it, hasn't thought about sentences like "Boys don't kiss boys" beyond hearing them from Jos and thinking to repeat it to Charles on the rooftop. He has never considered. And the kiss makes him consider for the first time, actually take a step back and think about Charles outside of being his best friend.

Max barely speaks after the kiss until Charles forces the topic change through talking about the stars because Max's mind is going a hundred miles an hour. When Charles flops down onto the roof to look at the stars, Max stares at him for a long time (which Charles doesn't notice as he is dealing with his own swirling emotions about the kiss).

[branmer]

💛💚💜🤍🖤💕🏳️‍🌈 for b5 >:DDD

I want all of them but I am being So Good and not asking for all of them ;_;

for this meme

ooooh excellent choices, and yes you are being so good <333 i am very proud of your restraint

💛<__< >__> i don't know if it's accurate to say i can't get behind them but i'm not really into londo/g'kar. years ago i probably would have been 'fuck yeah londo/g'kar!' but over time ive just come to prefer their relationship as a complicated frenemy situation, i'm not even sure i see g'kar liking londo so much as he understands and pities him and feels a loyalty to him because of their shared history. i'm also increasingly a bit hmmm re sheridelenn but mostly because jms really sucks at writing relationships and the further it went on the more delenn just got slotted into the wife role rip s1 delenn

💚treating neroon's deathbed conversion as legit and not just a political manouvre. that man doesn't have a priestly bone in his body >:( also special mention for chad neroon, a characterisation that has marred many a marcus/neroon fic. and generally any characterisation where neroon gets over his xenophobia too quickly!

💜i will die on the hill that branmer is sexy and evil idk if it's really unpopular in fandom to say neroon is hot but we do periodically get people going 'ew neroon????' so i'm just gonna throw down for my guy 😤😤😤

🤍shakiri i joke, i joke, but more seriously my answer for this is less one specific character and more broadly that i think the entire situation with the castes was probably more complicated than what we see on the show (or the books) and it's interesting that people tend to take unapolagetic villain shakiri as being representative of the caste generally, rather than neroon, who is more ambivalent (while still being a dick haha). i find the whole religious caste = good, warrior caste = bad stuff very reductive especially since we see many in show examples of the religious caste absolutely fucking unhinged. i also think it's v interesting that no one in the warrior caste really put up a fight when shakiri got backstabbed by neroon and defeated by delenn in the starfire wheel. i guess you could put that down to minbari having an intense respect for tradition and ritual but... this is also a caste that just broke a thousand year minbari do not kill minbari rule and idk... it just speaks to something interesting going on behind the scenes with this guys!

🖤delenn, haha. this is probably my most controversial opinion and it's one i've touched on before. i don't think delenn is evil (and disclaimer: she is one of my fave characters), but she is cunning and manipulative and she's prone to letting her own personal biases rule her understanding of a situation which leads to some, uh, interesting choices on her part. basically i don't think delenn is the trustworthy source on the minbari, on her own choices, or on broader issues in the b5 galaxy that she gets treated as by fandom lol. like, for example i don't entirely believe what delenn says about why they had to leave the narn to face the centauri/shadows alone, i think that's just what she told herself to justify the decision. im also, idk, iffy about the whole not ever telling sheridan about her role in the war. i saw a post on here where someone was saying this was her great 'gift' to him and it just... ew. ick. no. fuck no. i understand why she doesn't tell him, but it's not a gift

💕i feel like marcus/neroon gets a bad rap and a lot of people being sniffy about it, but also enough people appreciate it that i can't really call it unpopular exactly so um. hmm. i do, sigh, i do have a growing fondness for neroon/sheridan actually >__> which probably isn't so much unpopular as non-existant apart from your amazing neroon/delenn/sheridan fic. i have a feeling that neroon-as-the-bridge is gonna end up going down the sheridan/neroon route if i write more of it haha

🏳️‍🌈 oh this, this is a tough one haha... tbh... londo i guess? he just comes across very... straight male to me >__> like at most i can see him having a drunken fumble with a friend and thinking nothing of it, but that's it.

thank you for the ask! <33333

[50cal-fullauto-astarion]

König HC’s ii

part one

Back in black bitches, hello again. CW: I make allusions to shooting an orangutan, but none are actually shot. Is that kind of day here at König Brainrot HQ.

Queer.

His name is Leopold Königsbacher bc I feel Leopold is a horrid name to saddle a gawky weird-ass little kid with, and it doesn’t get much better as an adult. Hates being called Leopold or Leo, someone called him Poldy once and he never talked to that person again, but he depending on the person, he will answer to Lee.

I personally see his face as looking something like Jeremy Allen White’s, but y’know. Significantly more roughed up.

Sub-point: he could honestly be any weird lookin’ white guy with creepy eyes, it doesn’t matter.

Unlike the data mined Ghost face reveal, which I love with all of my heart and keep in a locket on my neck, I can’t accept the data mined König face reveal bc it looks too much like dudes I grew up with. All I can think is, “That man has dip in his lip and a spit bottle in his shirt pocket.” Which is a shame bc it is a good face.

Callsigns as I understand them aren’t really supposed to be related to a person’s actual name, but they can be kind of mocking in nature. So I picture him getting König from his last name was intended for mockery and to degrade him. King of a pile of shit, basically.

Hyper aware of doing anything that could be seen as embarrassing by other people. Movements, weird vocal tics or flubs, how he’s standing, what he’s looking at. Breathing. Avoids doing it if he can, but if that’s impossible, he’ll do them aggressively, bc generally people will avoid someone aggro. When an asshole does something embarrassing assholeishly it becomes scary.

Crooked ears.

Just kinda crashing through life with half-assed ideas instead of plans. He was really banking on becoming a sniper, and that achieving it would suddenly kick some enlightenment and maturity into his ass thereby fixing him. Probably expected that he’d have a house, spouse, and fam by now in the alternate reality where he succeeded. Since he didn’t, he’s just sorta fuckin’ around in a holding pattern as a bachelor in a suburban rental he pays too much for.

Ambivalent towards cats. True neutral. Can take them or leave them.

Fuckin’ loves bears though. Loves a dumbass lookin’ sun bear and will chew your ear off with sun bear atrocity stories.

Also is a rat/ferret/lizard/snake dude. Tell me he has any distinct feelings on feeding pinkies to an albino morph ball python and I will assert that he is thinking, “Food für baby 😊”

Oh my god did everyone else know that emojis could get smalled? Am I the last person to find this out?

I’m giving him this one from me too: he will shoot an orangutan on sight. Hates them. Creep him out hardcore. All other primates are good to go, but orangutans are born destined to rot hell.

Starcraft player, former disgusting League of Legends player. S.T.A.L.K.E.R., Metro, and CS:GO aficionado. VTMB and Fallout 1, 2, and New Vegas lover.

Doesn’t fuck with alcohol or alcoholics, but had/has a binge drinking problem - the duality of man. LOOOOVES uppers though, and doesn’t know that Battle Rage is just Military Meth, he’s somewhat strung out on it when he doesnt take leave as often as he should.

Buys shoes and clothes in bulk when he finds them in his size. Has 3 sets of tennis shoes in the back of his closet and 6 pairs of hiking boots/regular boots for KorTac work.

My lunch is getting cold, love you, bye.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

it's always "Lost, what if Erwin survived" or "what if Levi chose Erwin" but never "Lost, would you prefer Erwin to survive or are you satisfied with his ending" :P I understand both can be true at the same time I personally would like to see Erwin survive but I'm still ok with his ending. What about Levi, are you satisfied with his ending? Lots of fans want him to die anime fans value a heroic death over everything and romanticize it but I am glad our man survived, in a way Levi's ending completed Erwin's and every other scouts before them because he was fighting to give a meaning to their deaths. Plus, every character suffered but most of them knew happiness even for a short while: Erwin with his dad, same with Mikasa and Eren with their families and all. Levi from birth to the last chapter all he knew was fighting and suffering. Glad man was able to chill and relax a little bit

Hi Anon, that's quite a lot of questions there!

Lost, would you prefer Erwin to survive or are you satisfied with his ending?

In the immediate aftermath of Midnight Sun I was devastated by Erwin's death, heartbroken, angry and confused. I know I'm not the only person who genuinely grieved for Erwin. His death seemed so inexplicable. It took us time, and Isayama's Answers Book, to really understand Levi's decision. I know that some fans never really forgave either Levi or Isayama, and drifted away from the fandom not long after Erwin died. In retrospect, knowing how the story developed, I've made my peace with Erwin's death. He is one of the few characters who died with his dream intact, and we know that fulfilled dreams in the world of SnK more often than not turned into nightmares. He died knowing that he had fulfilled his duty, and he had his most loved and trusted comrades at his side as he breathed his last. I don't think you can call it a peaceful death, it was cruel, violent and bloody, but when the end came, the person he loved and trusted the most, granted him the grace to rest in peace with his humanity intact.

Much as I would have loved to see what Erwin would have been capable of with all that knowledge, and possibly also Titan power, at his disposal, I am content that he died when he did, with Levi and Hange by his side. And of course Erwin's death did nothing to diminish his bond with Levi. Quite the opposite, Erwin's sacrifice, and Levi's vow ensured that their bond transcended death.

What about Levi, are you satisfied with his ending?

I have to confess, for a long time I was one of the fans who desperately wanted Levi to go out in a blaze of glory, fulfilling his vow to take down the Beast Titan and then being reunited with Erwin and his fallen comrades in the after life. I never in a million years expected that to actually happen, we all know how Isayama loves to torture his characters, so when Hange got exactly the ending that I dreamed of for Levi I was stunned. I was also more than a little apprehensive about what would happen to Levi in the aftermath of Hange's death, because I knew there was no way Isayama would use the same plot line twice. I was really ambivalent about Levi surviving right up until the very final chapter. But when he lived I was genuinely surprised by how happy I felt for him. When his last salute on the battlefield was returned by Erwin and his comrades my heart swelled fit to burst. The final panel of Levi living his best life with Gabi, Flaco and Onyankopon, and pointedly not joining the delegation to Paradis, was just the cherry on the cake. So yes, I am satisfied with Levi's ending, though of course I also choose to believe that he was eventually reunited with Erwin and all those who he had loved and lost. (I wrote a fic that attempted to tie up some of the loose ends and bring Levi's story to its conclusion, called The Permanence of the Young Men.)

Levi from birth to the last chapter all he knew was fighting and suffering.

I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you here Anon. There's no question that Levi suffered throughout his life from the moment he was born, but I don't believe he never knew love or happiness. Kuchel obviously loved him dearly, that was her "drug" in Kenny's words. It's impossible to say how much Levi remembered of his mother and how the trauma of her death affected him, but I think that early love really shaped his character and resulted in him becoming such a kind and compassionate individual, despite everything he suffered.

I also think Levi found a degree of happiness, or at least belonging and camaraderie, in the Survey Corps. He was clearly devoted to his comrades, and they returned that devotion in spades.

And then of course there's Erwin. Erwin gave Levi a purpose to fight for, a cause to turn his strength to, but more than that he gave him companionship, trust, love and understanding. To find someone you can trust completely, and who trusts you in return is a gift beyond measure. So yes, Levi fought and suffered, but he also experienced the kind of love and companionship that many can only dream of.