#but also it feels like nothing will ever be good ever again and the people who are my friends are actively harmful to my wellbeing

[alchemistc]

"Any plans for your days off, Buck?"

Buck knows his grin is a little feral, but he's kind of hoping that'll throw them off the trail. It's barely been a year, and in that time they've had three natural disasters, one copter crash, a boss intent on making Buck's life a living hell, and two almost break-ups.

It's too soon, to know for sure, except Athena and Bobby had known, and Hen and Karen had known even if they were too scared to admit it at first, and Chim and Maddie may have taken a little longer to get there but they'd known.

And Buck knows. He knows he's never felt like this about anyone before. Knows no one has ever had the ability to infuriate him and calm his fears quite like Tommy Kinard can. Knows they could have done this like they joked about six months ago and they wouldn't have regretted it.

Hen is making a face like she's trying to decide if she wants to know whatever head-tilt-cheek-bite sexual innuendo Buck's got in the barrel, because she only appreciates that about half of the time and Buck's praying she decides on no because he's a terrible fucking liar and he doesn't like keeping things from people. But it's sort of a secret, for the next 48 hours, and Buck also wants to bask in it, wants to enjoy keeping it to himself for just a little while.

"Our Buckaroo is all grown up and refusing to over share about his sex life, praise be," Chim chips in, and Buck tucks his chin to his chest and hopes his pink cheeks read as embarrassed.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and around him lockers slam and voices drift over him. He's only got eyes for the text that just came through.

Bird's ready, suits are pressed, room is paid up. You wanna go to Adele, after? I think I know one of her people.

You know everyone, stop bragging, I'm already impressed

I'm always gonna try to impress you. You still at the station?

Yeah but not for long. I'll see you in like forty

"--right Buck?"

Buck blinks, hums, stares across at Chim.

"Please tell me you're not sexting at work right now."

"Technically, we are off the clock."

"I'll remind Clipboard Buck of that next time he shows up."

He's zipping up his bag when his phone buzzes again.

See you soon, baby.

He's pretty sure he's gonna get away with it - Hen and Chim are arguing about some reality show as they all trudge toward the open bay doors, and though he can hear their voices further back, Eddie and Bobby still seem to be deep in conversation.

Ravi comes out of left field, because of course he does, just finished inventory still clutched in his hand as he rounds the engine closest to Buck. "Hey, Buck, you and Tommy wanna catch that movie tomorrow night? I picked up a shift but I've got like twelve off in between."

Buck winces. Damn, so close. "Sorry, bud, we actually won't be in town."

Which he's realizing now is pretty uncharacteristic of the both of them, and Hen and Chim have clocked it, so he's gonna have to make a run for it, but he catches sight of raised brows and questioning expressions and he can't give them nothing.

"Tommy's taking me to Vegas, we might see Adele, okay bye!"

They absolutely let him make a break for it, let him scramble into the Jeep, let him send them all a quick wave before he peels out of his parking spot, and Buck spends the drive to Harbor viscously ignoring the steady buzzing from his phone.

---

Tommy snags the backpack from his shoulder before he's fully out the door, and tugs a belt loop to pull him close. Buck is pretty sure he'll never get over how much he likes being manhandled, just a bit.

"You wanna tell me why Chim and Hen both wished us a good flight?"

"Ravi ambushed me on my way out the door. Technically, they don't know anything about anything, except maybe Adele."

Tommy's fond smile makes Buck feel all warm and tingly inside, and he basks in the glow as Tommy nudges a knee between the open bow of Buck's legs.

Tommy's expression morphs, a bit, lips dropping as he tilts his head. "You having second thoughts? We don't have to-."

"No. No second thoughts."

"Evan, I know how close you are to your family. If you want to wait, make this something you can share with them, we can hold off."

He's so goddamn charmed by this man - by how he cares, by how well he knows Buck, by a million and one tiny things that Buck gleefully hoards his knowledge of like a dragon over his caverns of treasure.

"I kinda don't want to share you, for this." It's the first time since Tommy's brought it back up that Buck's been able to express exactly why the prospect makes him so giddy, but there it is. Possessive jealous Buck rears his ugly head again, only Tommy has always been a little charmed by that. At least when Buck expressed it in a healthy way.

"The moment they know, it's gonna be a spectacle," Tommy agrees, fingers curling over Buck's side.

"Exactly. So. Take me to Vegas and wife me up before one of them shows up trying to tag along."

He expects the dramatic eye roll, and Tommy's fingers digging into his sides. He doesn't expect the ear-ringing whistle echoing through the bay door to their left, or the smirk on Lucy Donato's face when she lets her looped thumb and pointer finger drop from her lips.

"We should definitely go before any of them remembers to hit her up for more details."

"Why would she -."

"Yeah she caught a look at the manifest and snooped until she found the rings."

"So you're actually worse at keeping a secret than I am."

"They're all gonna know before we land back home."

"Hen's gonna break like thirty bylaws trying to decorate a county owned chopper."

"Evan, seriously, we can still -."

Buck only knows one sure-fire way of stopping Tommy from spiraling too much - he uses the little bit of leverage he has plastered to the open door of his Jeep to catch Tommy's lips, and the resulting pleased hum shivers down his spine. Evan takes a moment to be pleased that Tommy hadn't shaved this morning like he'd threatened, and then he's tilting his head for a better angle and losing himself in it long enough that a few more wolf-whistles make their way across the tarmac -- Wendell and York, most likely, but when Buck finally breaks the kiss to dart a look over Tommy's shoulder, everyone has made themselves scarce.

"You gonna marry me or not, Kinard?"

It's a rare thing, but sometimes, when Buck makes him a little extra wild, Tommy does this growling thing that Buck always feels down to his toes. Tommy kisses him breathless again when Buck responds to this growl with a satisfied smirk.

---

"How much you wanna bet Hen convinces you to do a vow renewal within six months."

Buck's busy nipping at a spot of flesh just above Tommy's transverse abdominis, so it takes a second for his brain to catch up with the words.

"It's gonna be Maddie, and she's gonna rope you into it before you realize what's happening."

Tommy hums, pleased, not denying it, and runs a hand through Buck's hair, palm curling over his crown. It takes Buck a moment to figure out why it doesn't feel quite as familiar as it always does, and then he's reaching for it with a hand of his own, the tips of two fingers sliding along the smooth metal surface of Tommy's ring.

The smile he shoots up from the general area of Tommy's groin is all puppy-dog grin, and he basks in the soft, warm grin Tommy sends back. Buck tracks the crinkle of Tommy's eyes like a lifeline.

"I'm gonna lord it over everyone's head that we didn't get married because of, during, or after a health scare or a natural disaster."

"You asked me two days after we made up because of a flash flood we both thought we were gonna lose each other to, but okay."

Tommy's smile is soft. The fingers that slide around his scalp to brush reverently over his birthmark are even softer. "That time doesn't count, because we didn't follow through. You thought I was joking."

He had, honestly, at first, because they'd technically still been broken up at the time and the adrenaline and the terror at nearly losing one another had still been close. It'd taken him three days and Tommy angrily re-ringing his house key back onto Buck's keychain to realize Tommy maybe hadn't actually been joking about hopping in the chopper the next time they both had 24 off.

He's glad they'd taken the extra time, though. Glad they'd had time to drive halfway across the state in search of a ring shop they could be sure they wouldn't run into anyone at, glad they'd had the time to get new suits tailored, glad he'd had time to fuss over vows he'd still cried about while he was saying them, glad they'd done it without an Elvis impersonator standing just off to the side.

"You're stuck with me now," Buck tells him, and Buck knows Tommy's delighted bark of laughter will keep him warm for years.

[eternaldecisions]

MAKE YOU MINE. — Chris Sturniolo.

₊˚⊹⋆ PAIRING. Bfb!Hockey Captain!Chris & Cheerleader!Popular!femreader.

₊˚⊹⋆ SUMMARY. No long due everyone knew who you are, the popular captain of the cheerleader team, but who also knew you, was your bestfriend’s brother, the captain of the hockey team, Christopher Sturniolo, he was pretty disputed between girls, but it wasn’t hard to make him yours, but you needed to do a lot to have him officially wrapped around your finger.

₊˚⊹⋆ WARNINGS. Cursing, mentions of parting, sorta enemies to lovers trope, mentions of sex, sexual jokes, no actual smut yet, sorta of manipulation? first part of the series.

A/N - welcome to the mym series!

I wanna lay you down

I wanna string you out

I wanna make you mine

“So, did you hear it?” No, I didn’t the only thing I could hear was the sounds of the bell ringing for the next class, students flooding the hallways as they try to make their way to the class, you and Sarah were only leaning against the lockers, letting the zone calm down before you both could go to the classes.

“What’s the new rumor?”

“Apparently Chris and Rachel had sex last night, at John’s party.” Sarah comments, not in a too loud tone, you knew how much this school would kill to know every little gossip that circulated around the popular kids.

“Rachel!?” Exclaiming, taking a look around hoping she wasn’t around, Rachel is one of the girls that is in your cheerleader team, she never really liked you, why? because you are the captain of the team.

Yes, she tried really hard to be the chosen one, but luck wasn’t on her side that day, I guess.

“Yes, and I guess she is now going around the school telling her little victory.” Sarah sing songs the last phrase, as a light chuckle escapes her lips.

“We know how much a whore she likes to be.”

“But hey, soonly Chris will know she was telling their business to everybody, and he will cut off things with her, I just know that!” Sarah looks away for a second, her gaze taking a look around.

“Anyway, She’ll get what she deserves and-“ You’re cut off by Chris and his group entering the hallways, melodies of various laughters felling your ears.

You couldn’t deny it, Chris itself knew he was fine, and he knew it so well by the many girls in the college wanting him, but, he was a bit more reserved to himself, he never had a really serious relationship with someone, and I wonder why.

Your eyes are fixated in Chris group, giggles and smirks going straight to your direction, all you could do was roll your eyes.

"Hey!" Sarah snaps at you, reality washing over your body again.

"I said who are you most excited to see at Sam's party?"

“Uh, I don’t know, I don’t feel like going in first place.”

“You’re kidding, a party is never the same when you aren’t there!” Sarah utters, she wouldn’t believe you weren’t going, you never skipped parties, why skip this one?

Many reasons floated in your head, and one of them is Chris and his group.

FLASHBACKS.

The guys locker room, how did you get there? Being popular and smart is a really big bonus if you crave male attention, but you were just there for a particular reason.

As you had left pe you realized your friend, Waylon, had left his sweater in the bleachers, and with being a good friend, you were giving it back to him.

Walking thru the corridors, hearing different male deep voices echoing thru your ears, every little step you took it brought you close to the guys.

Silently walking, you lean against a locker, as you hear your name being used in a conversation filled with laughter.

“Yo, the cheerleader captain has to be the lame ass girl ever.”

“Yeah bro, how is she even popular?”

“People like her for her body, we all know that, but i bet once you remove her push up bra there’s nothing under it.”

Laughter & more laughter filling your ears.

You aren’t surprised, and you aren’t also shocked that mostly of the words coming out of their mouth, is from Chris friend group.

“I only know about her because she is Colby’s sister, and because she is the captain of the team, but c’mon, don’t say shit like that because you never got in her pants.” Chris comments, a smirk spreading across your face, the popular guy respecting you and putting manners into their team, he really knew how to be a man.

But no, you couldn’t like him or think about him that way, he was your brother’s best friend, plus, you both never really liked each other by you and him bikering every chance you had when he was over your house for Colby.

Footsteps creeping up in the marble black floor start coming close to your direction, dropping Waylon’s sweater on the floor and quickly making your way out of the room.

Waylon’s stepping in to the place you were, taking a good look around, grabbing his sweater off the floor, before stating.

“Weird, thought somebody was here.”

FLASHBACKS ENDED.

“There has to be something going on to you make the decision not to go!” She articulates, a silly grin spreading across her face, Sarah could read you like a book, she knew when something was off.

“My brother and his stupid friends are making comments about me in the boy’s locker room, and trust me they are bad.”

“Really? Are you skipping this event for their dumbass group? You never let yourself down and this won’t be the time, so just forget about them, and instead have fun before ending college.”

A soft smile is formed in your face, taking your gaze to the popular friend group, taking a deep breath before starting to walk off to class.

“Okay, new season started and we know what it means, new routine started!” Your coach, Marjorie mentions, earning grunts and sighs of disappointment from your team.

Every Wednesday Afternoons there was always Cheerleader practice, the same time Chris had practice, such a coincidence for Rachel coming late to all practices that day.

“Sorry, I’m late miss!” Rachel voice is echoed, Elena and Audrey starting to whisper among them about her, nobody in your team really liked her, for a fact, everyone would call her Regina George but 10x worse.

Rachel’s neck was covered in dark hickeys, her matte lipstick smeared, her wicked grin placed in her face like no other.

And on the other side, there was Chris coach, Charles, yelling at his team like there was no tomorrow, everyone around the campus always felt that Marjorie and Charles had a little bit of connection for both being coaches, and honestly, they do have.

Wednesday’s are always the worst days for a cheerleader, principal for a captain, being the one having to lead the whole team and guide them wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t also easy 2 hours of practice.

But sure it was fun tiring Rachel.

Drinking the last sips of water in your bottle, not satisfied enough, you call it a day, packing up your things starting to leave the girls changing room.

A sigh of relief for the whole day being finished, escapes your lips, suddenly, mid way thru the dark corridor, a male figure bumps into you, looking up, your face to face, with the school finest hockey captain.

Christopher Sturniolo.

“M’bad, I didn’t see you.” He remarks, he looked more handsome then he ever was, his hair strands forming little curls, the smell of his Dior Sauvage cologne filling up your nostrils, his plumped swollen red lips begging to be kissed, and if he asked, you would smooch his whole face without a doubt.

“Sure you didn’t.”

“Aren’t you the captain of the cheerleader te-“

“Sure I am.” You didn’t give time to him finish his phrase, slightly giving attitude to him, his signature smirk started forming in his lips.

“Well I know you.” He remarks, his hand combs thru his hair, as he interlocks eyes with you, an intense eye contact being shared between you both.

“Aren’t you Rachel’s boyfriend?”

“I wouldn’t call it that, but sure.” He replied, rolling his eyes, the intense eye contact is broke by him.

“I thought you could do it better than her.”

“Why you think that?”

“I can perfectly hear your conversation with Colby, talking about the girls you would get on their pants, and I remember perfectly fine when you said Rachel wasn’t all that.” Spilling it all you heard when he was over your house, your brother and him having deep conversations about women or even who they would hook up, you had everything figured out, and you surely did share a wall with your brother.

Chris stays silent, his jaw became clenched, he gripped onto his bag with more strength each second, a chuckle escape his lips, you look at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“You know a lot don’t you?”

“I do.”

“You better keep that mouth shut if you don’t want me to ruin your little popular life.” He advises, the power look in your face disappears, you didn’t want look vulnerable in front of him, you didn’t want him to think you were that easy to stay weak.

“And how would you ruin-“

“You really think I don’t know what you been doing? You’ve hooked up with mostly of my team, I know what they say about you, and I know you aren’t that though girl you are in the exterior, but I do know you are as weak as much as you were in middle school.” He utters, he takes his left hand to move away your hair, having a better look of your exposed neck, his slender finger going up to your face, caressing your cheek.

“You better stay silent sweetheart.”

And with that, he begins walking away leaving you there alone, confused , was he really gonna try ruin your reputation? or was it all talk shit? thinking of the recent interaction with him, making you clench your thighs.

Was it wrong starting to fall for the popular guy in school, the one that would get all the girls he wanted like he was the prince charming?

You surely were, but you had an obstacle in your path, you just needed to ruin someone’s reputation first.

Maybe Rachel should watch her mouth and her behavior around you.

taglist: @fawnchives @lanas-doll @mattscoquette @cannibalsclass comment if u wanna be on it!!

a/n: i had no idea how to wrap it up but i promise chapter two ill be GOOD.

[hitoshiyoshi]

save me, cupid ! | midoriya izuku

synopsis ↬ having a cupid quirk is proven to be a curse

warnings ↬ angst(?) but not too bad, honestly i don't know what to label this exactly lol, the reader acts like a yandere, unrequited love, love-starved reader, just an idea of what it would be like to have a cupid quirk, mentions of red string, mentions of violence, my apologies if it sounds bad, it's just an idea, obsessive reader

pairings ↬ crush!midoriya izuku x gn!yandere!reader

word count ↬ 4.7k

Since you first discovered your quirk at the tender age of four years old, you've always hated it. It had no purpose; no ability to defend or protect yourself, much less others. You might as well have been born quirkless. Whenever you told anyone about it, you always heard the same words. They would either reaffirm how pointless your quirk was or talk about how powerful it was, but never good enough for you to become a hero. Of course, you didn’t mind their ignorant comments. Until you noticed the behavior of your friends change upon telling them, always leading to the same outcome.

You have a type of mind-control quirk, called ‘Cupid’. Your quirk allows you to see whether two people are soulmates; when you concentrate long enough, a red string appears on the ring finger of your target connecting them to their soulmate. You can also make two people fall in love by locking eyes with your target, repeating their name, the name of another target, and a simple phrase: “loves you”. The same is true with the reverse phrase, “loves you not”.

After numerous attempts on yourself, you concluded that your quirk could not work on you. Despite this, you still explored the idea. Ever so often, you would come up with ideas but each failed.

You weren’t immune to crushes. When you tried to make them love you, your quirk would never activate on them. It was hard for you to understand why at first.

At first, it began when you noticed thin red strings attached to the fingers of some classmates in school. Some connected students that were in the same class while others stretched far outside the building, until they were out of view. When asking your friends about the strings, they seemed confused and looked around but couldn’t see the strings attaching them together. Only you could see the red string. It was like this for a couple years, a thin rope connecting two people.

There was no red string on your ring finger. Concentrating on your hands and trying to find one only brought you head splitting migraines.

You could vaguely remember when you learned about the other powers of your quirk. School ended early that day and one of your best friends insisted on going to the nearby park before heading home. As you sat close to a field of buttercup flowers, they picked one of the stems. Your friend professed their deep affections for another classmate. You two were young and it was nothing but puppy love. Plucking the yellow petals from the growing bud, they repeated the name of their crush followed by "...loves me," and then another petal, "...loves me not".

Staring at their ring finger, you noticed the string trail off in the distance. A sudden, innocent, thought came to your mind. Tapping your friend on the shoulder and giggling, you tore off one of the petals before locking eyes. They seemed to lose focus as they watched your actions and peered down at the flower in curiosity. You called their name, making eye-contact again, and repeated the name of their crush, "...loves you".

It was only meant to be a harmless joke, but as you watched your friend's eyes go into a cloudy gaze, you panicked. Shaking their shoulders and calling them again, they seem to regain consciousness. Your friend's eyes quickly darted across their surroundings until they finally noticed your presence. Except, they began to act abnormal.

Rambling about their crush in a feverish manner; how they wanted to touch, feel, kiss, and caress them. Eyes glowing pink with lovestruck passion and a deep red blush warmed their cheeks. You tried to speak to them and ask them what was wrong. Until they scowled at you, slapping your hands away when you tried to reach out to them. Screaming nonsense about how you weren't their beloved, only their true love could touch them!

Soon, they ran off — searching desperately for their sweetheart.

The next day, you saw your two best friends holding hands and whispering sweet nothings without a care in the world. You tried to speak to them, but you were always ignored. When lunchtime came, you tried sitting next to them, only for them to immediately stand and move to another table. Eventually, they refused to acknowledge you. You had no use for them, only a burden and a distraction from their beloved. They left you alone...

Alone.

It took you some time to realize — you thought the world was being cruel when you noticed other classmates begin to avoid you as well — it was more than matchmaking. It was based on attraction. The stronger the target's love was for their partner, the higher the chance of success. The disgusted stares of your classmates became a repetitive occurrence; you only used your quirk once yet they became naturally repulsed by you.

Your friend's love deflected a force onto you that repelled everyone away, an unfortunate weakness and downside of your quirk. Soon, you were abandoned. The small acquaintances you had, dropped like flies.

As your new friend Ochaco approaches you in the lobby after school, you wonder how you managed to defy the negative effect of your quirk usage. Everyone in your previous school either hated you or had some type of unjustifiable prejudice against you; if people already disliked you, might as well have fun with your quirk, right? Creating short relationships with nearly all of your ex-classmates, it was pure enjoyment.

Receiving the acceptance letter from U.A. was a pure miracle. You didn't bother trying to get into the hero course, letting the words of your peers control you. Instead, you opted for the General Studies course once deciding that the business and support courses were not the most ideal option for you. You managed to befriend a boy named Shinsou Hitoshi who didn't seem too bothered by your quirk.

Although some of your classmates blatantly ignored you, he was unaffected. You didn't find a threat in his mind-control quirk; you found solace in the similarity of your quirks. He accompanied you to your classes and was a shoulder to lean on when you were feeling down.

Ochaco waves at you and urges you to come closer, a pleasant smile spreads across her lips. In the distance you see her friend, Midoriya Izuku speaking to a tall, blue-haired boy with glasses. Izuku... You can't remember where you first heard his name or noticed him, but your unnatural infatuation with him had grown surplus since then. Was it at the Sports Festival? Or perhaps when you noticed him walking in the halls one day and felt your heart-pounding in your chest as you stared. Izuku felt your eyes on him and peered back at you with a soft gaze, blushing and smiling before continuing his walk.

Maybe it was his gentle nature towards you that made you feel at peace. Although Shinsou was nice to you, there was something about Izuku. You already knew it had to be a crush; the feeling was so familiar to you. Perhaps it wasn't the healthiest infatuation, though. Every time he was in your vicinity, you could feel your heart threaten to rip out of your rib cage and leap into his arms. He was one of the few that didn't seem too bothered by your quirk or see you as a nuisance.

There was a need, no, a desperation for him to be with you. Always having a watchful eye on him, you studied nearly all of his movements. Feeling someone's gaze on him, Izuku would glance around and search for your eyes. Only for you to quickly shift away, but he wasn't an idiot. He caught your glance a few times and once thought about approaching you, but he never did.

It was impossible to have him reciprocate your feelings, you were positive. He didn't know you despite recognizing your face and eyes. Of course, you knew so many things about him; sneakily following him home after classes, overhearing him and All Might talk about their association — how cute! You were the first to know about his secret, a good lover should know these things, right? It was truly amazing how after all these months, he hadn't noticed you.

Thank goodness his mother wasn't home when you broke into their apartment and went through his bedroom. The All Might memorabilia was nauseating, but if he loved it then you should too! A little shrine of his possessions and unmentionables started to build quickly in the corner of your room. How devoted you are... it's only fair that he should be the same. You desperately wanted him to act as such, but he never did.

Using your quirk was not an option. Even if it was, his attraction to you wasn't strong enough... yet.

There was also another problem: the girl approaching you right now, Ochaco. It was clear as day that she shared the same affections as you. Anyone could notice the two students shyly flirting and blushing around each other. How his face would light up whenever she entered the room or how her cheeks would turn a dark shade of pink around him. You were familiar with their actions because you witnessed them on others in the past. A sharp sting of jealousy arose as you watched them.

You seethed with envy around her, befriending her was a fine way to keep her in your proximity at all times. She was another one who didn't mind your quirk. So, you decided to wait until the perfect moment came.

Only God knows how many times you needed to stop yourself from intertwining your fingers into her brunette hair and bashing her head into the concrete — she'd become so unsightly. Blood staining the ground with purple and black bruises spreading across her swollen face. But if you did that, the teachers would surely have you expelled. Perhaps, her parents would press charges on you. Then, you could never see Izuku again. And the poor look on his face from watching would surely traumatize him... there wasn't any possibility you would dare.

You watched their interactions through gritted teeth every time they spoke to each other. You've had this quirk since the day you were born. The expressions of true love and light touches your victims would share with their beloved was all the same. Their love had blossomed like a field of tulips once spring comes.

"Hey, (Y/N)! Are you alright?" Ochaco asks as she stands in front of you. She waves her hand in your face after a few seconds to gain your attention.

"Oh... H- Hey, Ochaco... Sorry, I wasn't paying attention." Giving her your best smile as reassurance but she doesn't seem to believe you.

"You weren't...? But you were staring right at me?" Fuck. She turns her head and looks behind her, searching around. His shy green eyes meet her gaze before quickly looking away. "Were you looking behind me...? Is it Deku?" You want to leave the conversation, but you know how persistent she would become.

"No," Her head quickly snaps back towards you, intrigued but calm. "Don't worry about it. I guess I'm just tired."

"Ah, okay..." She peers down at the ground as her rosy cheeks begin to deepen their color. "Well... I actually wanted to ask you a favor."

"What is it?"

"I know you don't like using your quirk often..." You've told her your quirk numerous times and always mentioned your reluctance to use it. You realize now that was a mistake. Not want to repeat your years at your previous school all over again. "...and it's OK if you don't want to do it. I won't force you." She's still staring down, too embarrassed to continue but she still attempts.

"It's fine, don't worry."

"Could you... Could you use your quirk to make Deku like me back? I really like him but... I'm not sure if he feels the same way about me... I'm kinda scared, you know?"

You pause at the girl standing in front of you, still hiding her face as her eyes cast towards the ground. Make him like her back...? Why would you ever do that? As if it wasn't obvious to nearly everyone in their class and, even some random students, that they had feelings for each other. Why would she need you to do something she could do herself? She's lucky her eyes are fixed towards the ground or else she would've noticed your clenched fist landing somewhere painful.

Truthfully, she didn't know how envious you were of her position. You weren't even sure of the extremes you would endure just to have him notice you. Alas, perhaps now is not the time. You knew it would end in the same outcome as all your other attempts.

"Just confess to him. I'm sure he'll accept it." You never wanted to use your quirk to find the string on Ochaco's fingers, you were too afraid. You began to walk away from her after unsuccessfully hiding your scorned voice, but she tightly held onto the sleeve of your gray blazer.

"W- Wait!" Refusing to turn around, you let her finish. "Can't you at least tell me if we're soulmates?"

"I won't." The girl seems to sulk at your rejection, her grip on your blazer loosens before she pulls away.

"Well, I guess it's wrong to want to know. I'm sorry for pressuring you..." As you begin to forgive her, she interrupts you. "I hope this isn't too personal for you, but is it true that you like him too?"

"Where did you hear that?" You snap your head and see her nervously scratching her neck, glaring up at you.

"I always see you staring at him! Don't you think it's kinda weird?"

"What do you mean?"

"He has no idea who you are and the way you look at him can be kinda creepy sometimes…” Ochaco straightens her back, stiffening her posture in an uncomfortable way while smiling at you tauntingly. Her brows furrowed as she peers around the room.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Ochaco.”

“But it’s true!” She twirls her brown hair between her fingertips, thinking once again before asking. “Is that why you won’t tell me if we’re soulmates?”

The thought of you two having the same crush makes Ochaco sick to her stomach. She doesn't know the reason why. It was an uneasy feeling that remained throughout your entire interaction.

“I’ve told you countless times before, I don’t use my quirk as much as I did in the past…” Ochaco holds her head down in defeat again, on the brink of giving up. “But since you keep pushing me, fine. Give me your hand. Let me check for the string first.”

She beams up at you, eagerly passing her ring finger to you. Filled with a new found excitement — Oh, she can’t wait! Ochaco’s eyes lit up with the same expression as every other person who has asked you. Each hand you’ve held has prayed for the same outcome. The warm, yet sweaty palms feel common. Occasionally twitching their fingers with anticipation.

You gaze at her ring finger, ignoring the distractions around you. Your eyes squint until you can see the familiar red string appearing on her skin. It’s looped perfectly where a wedding ring will be in the future. The string trails down her arm, falling to the floor and continuing behind her. It cuts through a group of students loitering around nearby and past chairs scattered through the room.

Your heart pounds in your chest, beating heavy like a drum with each second that is drawn out. It ends with a girl throwing away her trash. You want to breathe out a sigh of relief, but she walks towards one of her friends. And of course, there he was. Completely oblivious to the scene happening a few feet away from him.

Ochaco, moving restlessly on her feet, turns behind once more.

“It’s Izuku, isn’t it? It’s him, right?” She grins, ear to ear. It’s unknown if she’s ecstatic about being soulmates or if she can no longer worry about other competition — including you.

"Of course, it's him."

"So, can you use your quirk on him?" She hops around excitedly on the tips of her toes. Her face is as red as a cherry, but she's more confident than before. "For me? Please?"

"I don't even need to do that, Ochaco. Everyone in your class knows that he has feelings for you. You don't need me."

"Are you jealous? Is that why? Come on, (Y/N). There's nothing about you that he would want, anyways." She stares up at the ceiling, tapping her finger against her chin. "Use your quirk to find someone else, it shouldn't be hard."

But… But it’s just not fair, you tell yourself. In all honesty, you should’ve known. There were too many signs that you chose to ignore. This was the reason you hesitated for so long. As Cupid, you already knew. Now you were destined to have the same fate once again. Should you tell her? Even now, you aren’t sure why you agreed. Should your spirit to find clarity and let go?

Maybe you will stop caring about Izuku. Forget about the burning passion that flourishes through your body with every glance you give to him.

But you don’t want to do that right now.

“Uraraka Ochaco,” Surely, you still have a chance. Your eyes are locked on each other. “Midoriya Izuku, loves you not. Forget him.”

Her breath stops, her eyes become dilated and watery. You’ve never seen someone react in that way before. She stares at you with a vacant expression while you examine her face. Ochaco’s mouth is slightly agape, like she’s frozen in place. You feel her pulse start to slow down gently. Grasping her shoulder, you shake the girl out of her trance — you can’t have her passing out in front of everyone!

“Wha… What happened?” Ochaco returns to normal — well mostly.

“You were asking about Izuku, don’t you remember?”

Her cheeks turn a dark rosy color and for a second, you wonder if you’ve finally lost your quirk. Until she responds:

“Izuku… Izuku…” She glances around the room, trying to search for an answer in her mind. It sounds familiar, that name. “I don’t know who that is,” She tries to sound confident, but you can tell that she doubts herself.

“He’s your classmate.” Did she respond to your ‘forget him’ command? Has your quirk evolved since you last tried to use it? All that time you’ve spent with Shinsou must have rubbed off. She seems lost for a moment; She blushes, yet a frown is worn on her face.

“Oh, a classmate. Then why can’t I..?” Her head is empty with every attempt at trying to remember him. In the few chances that she can, his existence and the thought of him makes her sour. Barely knowing his face, yet she cannot stop the disgust that emerges.

“Ochaco? Isn’t there somewhere you should be right now?”

“Right! Gosh… My head feels like it’s spinning.” You release her hand, she gathers her belongings and tidies up. “I’ve got to go home and help my parents with some stuff. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow!”

Ochaco runs off to the exit, hopping away like a rabbit fleeing from a predator. It was for the best; you try to tell yourself. But the guilt of it all eats away at your soul. You wait for a few minutes before you step outside into the warm air, you aren’t sure of the feelings erupting inside. You should’ve been relieved; no need to worry about Ochaco or any other person in the way. If you needed to, you knew how to handle it.

By now, Izuku and his classmates have left the building. Ochaco stands by the entrance of the school. You see two of her friends nearby, chatting away and completely oblivious to the spell you’ve cast on her. The separate groups don’t seem to notice each other yet; they stand on opposite ends with their backs turned.

The time was perfect, you clutched the envelope in your pocket tightly.

Your legs move on their own at first, running to the fluffy haired boy. He smiled at his friends, unaware of your heavy steps to him. You bump into a few students who gave you annoyed glances. There’s no time to apologize to them, you move with a mission.

He doesn’t notice you behind him at first. Izuku was only alerted from the expressions of his friends surrounding him and the softest tap on his shoulder.

“Izuku?” You say quietly while he turns his body to face you.

“Yeah, what’s up?” The others around him paused their conversation.

“Oh, I just wanna have a chat with you… I hope you’re not busy.” You replied while pointing to his friends behind him. “By the way, I’m (Y/N)…”

“Ah, I’ve seen you around the school before.” Izuku waves goodbye to his friends and pulls you aside to talk.

"Really...?” He knows who you are! You reach into your pocket and pull out the letter. It’s pink and decorated with colorful hearts on the outside. Your hands tremble with the paper; shyly and with your head focused on the ground, you slip the letter in his hands.

“What’s this?” Izuku asks and peers up at you, your fingertips graze his hand ever so slightly — the tingling against his skin draws him closer.

“Midoriya Izuku,” With the command of your voice, his mind becomes a fog. The same unaware expression as Ochaco was written over his face. “Uraraka Ochaco loves you not.”

“I… I…” Unlike Ochaco, Izuku tries to fight the spell as he did at the sports festival against Shinsou — except your quirk was far stronger than his. His eyes become vacant; things were working nicely in your favor. You just needed to make sure.

“Izuku?”

“What...? Oh,” Izuku regains consciousness and focuses his eyes on the pink envelope in his hand. Outstretching some of your fingers, you gesture for him to open it.

"It's for you. I wrote it..."

He sloppily tears the letter open - all that effort you put into folding it, you cringe a bit as you watch. Izuku's eyes scan your writing, widening with every word. His cheeks tint into a light pink color, a soft grin adorns his lips:

"Izuku, from the day I saw you at the Sports Festival, I truly experienced a love that I've never known before,"

But of course, it's short-lived.

Clinching onto the paper tightly, he begins to tremble.

"And that love is one that I want to be kept near to me, have you ever felt this before?"

. . .

"My dearest, Izuku. My nights have been endless with thoughts of you. I can hear it, your footsteps in the night. I feel as if I'm going insane,"

. . .

"It's shameful of me to admit. How pretty and soft your skin looks; I've fantasized about this — dragging my sharpest knife across your every vein and marking you,"

. . .

"I want to rip your heart out of your chest with my own hands and keep it to myself, blood and all. I'll give you mine in return. I will surrender myself to you,"

. . .

"I wonder what it feels like to be inside you, inside your mind. I want to touch you, I want to feel you,"

. . .

"My dearest, Izuku. Will you let me do that? Will you give yourself to me?"

Izuku's mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water; he becomes completely at a loss for exactly what to say. At first, you thought it must've been side effects from your quirk, until...

"Well? I put a lot of thought into it. I know we haven't spoken before, and I might not be your type, but..."

"I appreciate the- the letter..." He fumbles out, unwilling to face you. His eyes travel from the paper to the orange-magenta sky. Anywhere besides you. "But I'm in the hero course, you know. It's ve- very tiring. I can't manage a relationship n- now. I'm sorry..."

Yet, deep down, Izuku can't help but pity you. He would've at least considered if you hadn't written about wanting to stab him.

"I see," Your words are barely audible, even with the close space between you two. "So, that's your excuse. Well, don't worry," The only thing you could do was smile, trying to balance out the tears welling up in your eyes.

"Excuse...?" What a funny word to use. The vacancy in his heart is profound; a force is stopping him. He knows, you must've done something to him.

"Never mind."

Izuku passes the letter back to you and takes a few steps back. Slowly and with a step at a time. He waits for the perfect opening and retreats to the safety of his friends. They all cheer him on, seeing him chat up someone for the first time — unaware of the contents of your 'love letter'.

A stream of tears falls from your eyes, traveling from your damp cheeks to the paper in your hands. It ruins your perfectly crafted letter that you spent months preparing. What a waste. Izuku can hear your sniffles as his friends quiet down. He was such a good-natured boy, that was what you loved him for. Deep down, he wanted to calm you, but he refuses to move from his spot.

It's not fair.

Cupid. It's a useless quirk that you will forever hate. The love you truly want will never come to you — it's your karma, anyways. Well, it wouldn't be too big of a deal. All the hearts you've meddled with will find new loves eventually. Once they learn to overcome the emptiness where their soulmates should be, they wouldn't need to worry.

Why can't these feelings just disappear?

You had a plan. Should you try it? One last chance to see if you quirk could work on yourself. How often do quirks work on their users? It was a rarity, and you were willing to take that risk.

Opening your phone, you place your earbuds in your ears.

"(Y/N) (L/N), Midoriya Izuku loves you not." A recording of your voice plays. Only an experiment to see if it would actually work on you. The thought came to you after a period of frustration.

Eagerly, you waited for your mind to become foggy. No thoughts and a blank expression; the curse of all your victims before you took them out of a trance. The phrase replays multiple times in your ears, and you march off the campus back home. Although you tried, deep down in your heart, you refused to let go. You clasped your eyes shut and prayed, by some miracle that it stops.

"Midoriya Izuku loves you not." "Midoriya Izuku loves you not." "Midoriya Izuku loves you not." It continued, soon sounding like a chant with the way your voice rings.

With the last echo of the sentence in your ears, the pain in your heart travels straight to your head. Crying out in distress, a wave of pressure flooded to every inch above your neck. You stopped in your tracks, nearly ripping out locks of hair trying to suppress it. With every movement, your head ached and throbbed to the rhythm of your pulse.

And like a true hero, he ran to you at the first yelp that left your lips.

"(Y/N)! Are you OK?" A fluffy, green-haired boy asked. He placed his hand on your shoulder, trying to lift your head up to get a better look at you.

What a good-natured boy he was. You'd be fawning over his actions on a normal evening. But unfortunately for him, you weren't in the mood.

"Get the fuck off me." Your body reacted before anything else. With a strong shove, he let go of his hold on you. The paper you were holding slipped out of your hands, and the boy with the familiar face stared at you in disbelief.

The farther you walk away from him, the more the pain of your headaches soothes. Who was that?

You try to remember along your journey to the train station, but after a while, you lose interest.

[infiniteetcetera]

My next weekly controversial ACOTAR post: A defense of Azriel, because if I see one more post saying he has no personality or is an incel (but also an f-boy apparently) then it’s game over

Azriel is such an interesting and complex character I think it’s an incredible shame so many readers misinterpret him just because his character is shown is small bursts rather than loud blasts. SO i’m not going to try and defend him because this man has done nothing wrong, instead I’ll provide y’all with a list of moments that prove both that Azriel DOES have a personality and that’s it’s a loveable one:

•He tells Feyre that Cassian is annoying right up front (a small thing but I appreciate it)

• He spent the night at Rita’s with Feyre, playing silly games betting on Rhys’ dating life (funny for so many reasons) and making her feel comfortable in an overwhelming situation

•Even though he’s quiet and private, he confides to Feyre he doesn’t know where he belongs after 500 years and feels he doesn’t fit in to reassure her that the feelings she’s having are normal

•He was reassuring and polite to Elain and Nesta when they first meet

•Acknowledged that it was a risk and a sacrifice for Nesta and Elain to lend them their house and was thankful rather than antagonistic or rude (*cough cough Cassian*) and met them both with a protective regard to Feyre but an open mind about their circumstances

•Is so upset by the mysogny and abuse in Illyria he straight up refuses to go there because he will not play nice and polite with these jerks like Rhys and Cas do

•In Feyre’s own words, she trusts him well enough that if Rhys was ever doing something to harm her/locking her up like Tamlin did she believes he would not only save her but deal with Rhys himself if it came to it

•Follow up on above, he spies on Amren against Rhys’ orders. When Feyre asks about it Amren says Azriel is the most disobedient of the IC (some of them could never) because he’s willing to do what is right over what Rhys thinks is right (hot)

•Gave Feyre such a stunning smile after she accepts the mating bond that Rhys is filled with jealousy and ready to attack (that is to say, this man is very pretty and deserves credit for it)

•Amren putting her head on his shoulder after battle because she’s tired and everyone (including him) is shocked but he’s polite about it and also it just radiates male worth trusting vibes

•Was literally bleeding out screaming crying throwing up poisoned and still sassed the king of Hybern for Mor and Feyre

•When Cassian is trying to make Lucien uncomfortable Azriel KICKS HIM (all the Azriel is so mean/hates Lucien people come down to reality please)

•When Cassian implies something rude about Nesta and Mor wants to join in Azriel shoots her a look to stop (yes the Az that is supposedly obsessed with Mor and her opinion of him) and Feyre describes said look as as if they had talked about it many times before so YES EVEN PRE-ACOWAR THIS MAN WAS SUPPORTING NESTA

•Feyre and Mor both agree he’s the only one with manners

•He laughed at Nesta’s sassy comment to Mor because man respects good comedy

•When Cassian makes a sexist joke and implies Az is thinking the same thing not only does Azriel not engage with his tomfoolery but Mor cuts in to defend him as the only batboy who never says such things

•Just the ENTIRE sequence of him training Feyre to fly. He’s so sweet and witty and charming

•So gentle and reassuring to Elain, offering to show her the garden and carrying her all the way up to the house

•Him taking care of Feyres injuries from the flying lessons. Again just always being so gentle and sweet. He trusts her enough not to go easy on her but isn’t cruel and overworking either

•The entire Nephelle story and just the fact Rhys gave the story to Azriel as a “gift” this boy appreciates sweet stories about underdog lesbians with wings and I love it

•Just him paying such close careful attention to Elain and recognizing she is a seer, him talking her through her visions and helping reassure her she’s not crazy (he knows what that feels like)

•Even though he hates Illyrians, he helps Cassian break the news to the families of those who lost warriors in the war

•Just “I don’t see you spouting poetry brother” “I don’t need to resort to it😩🔥”

•BE CAREFUL HOW YOU SPEAK ABOUT MY HIGH LADY

•Eris uttered the word “slut” about a woman and this man ATTACKED. Like I am an Eris stan and I know some people don’t like this scene but it’s the true feminist energy I need

•Ignoring Rhys’ order to stand down but stopping the second Feyre says something bc this man respects women’s authority (t’s literally an intentional way of demonstrating Feyres power right after she was belittled by Tamlin. people act like he was rabid in this scene but it seems so clear to me he was intentionally doing this to support his high lady)

•Was the first to realize something was wrong with Elain (also has a sweet exchange of looks with Nesta over it, like they are homegirl’s designated protectors)

•Just EVERYTHING about him volunteering to get Elain back. Whether you ship Elriel or not this was such a sweet moment. He doesn’t hesitate at all even when Nesta says it’s a death wish and everyone’s sentiment starts to change.

•Everything about him saving Elain and the human girl. Just 10/10 all around, hot, stunning, sweet, incredible, precious angel of death boy

•Az is so badly wounded after the rescue mission that Rhys and the others who see him are shocked but he refused to set Elain down (even though she’s not hurt) until Rhys takes her and the first thing he asks is for Helion to come unchain her (not anything for himself). Again just SOOO sweet and caring whether you ship Elriel or not

•Another Elriel moment but well they happen, Az giving her truth teller is just🤧 he’s never lent out this blade to his brothers or anyone else, we know it has some special brand of magic and he likely does too and he offers it to Elain to give her a sense of safety (again even if you don’t ship them it’s just so considerate)

•”Chain me to a tree Rhys, I’ll rip it out of the ground and fly with it on my damned back” LIKE TELL ME THAT ISNT HOT

•A super small moment but after the war when the boys are watching the sisters/Mor laughing and Rhys starts crying Az tells him “it’s real” and I just think the intuitive understanding and care behind that is so sweet (especially when Az is so misunderstood by his brothers)

•This sounds more like a hate comment to Rhys/Cassian than pro Az but when Rhys admits he and Cassian used to beat Azriel for hours to get him to speak to them and he never would, I think that’s such crazy determination and resolve and also he’s wayyyyy nicer than me for still putting up with them after that

•HIM REFUSING TO SPY ON LUCIEN. I just love that degree of respect it’s made even better by the fact Rhys asks about Lucien a second time bc he literally assumes Az was joking and Azriel’s just like “nope not doing it” (again people who say he hates Lucien, please)

•Him finding drunk Cassian and Feyre and trying to fix their terrible decorations the just chugging some wine himself😭 he’s so funny AND sweet

•”Sit, I’ll take care of it.” I NEED THIS ENERGY FROM EVERY MAN EVER PLEASE

•Also him telling everyone to wait for Elain because she’s literally the one who cooked and them eating before her would be rude and I just IWJDKWKDN again so hot and polite and it’s not even a romance/flirting thing bc when Elain comes back and she/Cas give him the opportunity to take credit he doesn’t at all?? He just did it because it’s right and proper

•Him insulting Amren to defend Elain (and then blushing when everyone laughs at his joke) he’s precious (and funny af)

•Him dying at Elains gift JMEKXNEKD the IC stresses him fr and he’s waiting for someone to free him

•Him being nice about Mor’s awful gifts even though she’s known him for 500 years and still gets him awful gifts and also exchanges lingerie with Cassian to his (and Nesta’s) face even though she thinks Az is in love with her

•Half compliment to Az half complaint about Cassian, but when there’s mention of all the universe research Rhys does in ACOSF Cassians like “Rhys told him and he instantly forgot” but As is super interested and listens intently and wants to learn more and I just love a boy with hobbies and interests😩

•Small thing but when he first sees Nes in the house of wind in ACOSF he smiles and is so polite and Nesta tells us for like a whole paragraph how beautiful he is and I trust that woman above all

•Also in reference to the above, Nesta chats with Az for like 10 seconds and instantly wants to train with him over Cas because she knows he’d be better to her

•Azriel blushing when Nesta calls him pretty✨ (such a sweet lover boy I swear)

•He laughs at Nesta’s insults to Cassian but holds back from laughing at Cassians✨

•The only one who literally JUST ASKS why Nesta won’t train and also sparks the idea in Cassians obtuse head that it might be because she doesn’t want to train in Illyria (VALID)

•I know people have mixed takes about how the scene is written but him asking Nesta if she was pushed down the stairs feels genuine to me, like he asks the question very pointedly serious and focuses just on Nesta, his vague amusement after is only in regard to Cassians dumb reaction but the fact he asked her and the way in which he does it (ignoring Cassians input and still waiting for Nesta’s answer) shows genuine consideration to her (still a stranger to him for all intents and purposes) over his brother’s feelings

•Him paying such careful attention to Nesta and being the only one who never starts fights with her to such a strong degree that even Nesta feels too seen by him

•Such a basic thing (but it’s not when you look at the quality of other ACOTAR men unfortunately) but when Cassian asks him if he wants kids he says it’s not his decision (like this is why I hate the anti-elriel “elain can’t bare his children” argument, I assure you Az does not gaf)

•”Azriel had never said a bad word about Nesta” and i’m not supposed to stan???

•Also the fact he doesn’t like hand to hand combat bc he doesn’t like getting covered in people’s sweat JEKKDKW I know it’s just a gag Cas jokes about but there’s something so funny and refined about that

•Him being so competitive is hot honestly😩 especially how Cassian describes it as not being in an arrogant or scary way but in a very strategic sort of manner, how he’s often the only one who can compete with Rhys (who was trained for this stuff since birth) like YES

•Az getting flustered and awkwardly walking away when he sees how Nesta is staring at him and Cas KEKKDKE i so highly appreciate his balance between confident and shy boy

•Him and Nesta smiling about Cassians stupidity, being “allies against his insanity,” again, Az just being a friend to her is so sweet (and important given it’s like the one thing Nesta needed in this book)

•Not only does he vote with Cas against keeping things from Nes but when Amren starts saying lewd things about her it’s Azriel (not Cassian bc apparently he could never) who tells her to STFU about Nesta

•Amren tells the boys NOT to touch the sword and Az is legit the only one who tries to listen (the ONLY bat boy with brain cells half the time)

•Just the fact that once he starts training the Priestesses with Cas Nesta notes a bunch of them seem to have crushes on him. Like these girls who have been so traumatized by men they can barely stand to be in public feel that comfortable with him so quickly, he just radiates safe energy

•Also a small moment but him awkwardly smiling the first time he sees Gwyn at training and just trying to act casual to not make her feel weird is so sweet.

•Him dancing with Nesta “as easily as breathing” (again, their friendship means everything to me)

•When Nesta asks him why he came to solstice if seeing Elain/Lucien hurts him and he says “Because Rhys wants me here and it’d hurt him if I didn’t come” like HEJEKNDO he’s so selfless for the people he cares about FR (especially given how Rhys talks to him that same night)

•EVERYTHING about his gift to Nesta. The fact he didn’t have to give her one in the first place (it was no one’s expectation, including hers. on the surface he didn’t even get Elain a gift so it wasn’t just a polite thing). The way the gift is literally SO SWEET AND GENUINELY THOUGHTFUL like he took care not just to get her something but to get her something that would bring her joy and be useful (and is definitely based on his observations about her avoiding the fireplace)

•ALSO when she hugs him the entire room goes silent because they’re just that shocked but he just laughs and hugs her gently and then is blushing after like ANDKEKD

•The entire relationship he forms with Gwyn and how he notes shes competitive and uses that to help inspire her in training and even when he’s teasing her he’s so potently rooting for her too

•Him being nervous about holding baby Nyx with his scarred hands like this precious angel IEKKDKW

Most Offending Thing, His Bonus Chapter (the good and the bad)

•Him scheming about a snowball fight for a whole year is hilarious

•Also him including in his plotting that Cassian would be up all night with Nesta (little did he know his boy only lasts like one round, that and Cassian being so horrified at the thought of Az finding out about him being quick off the mark with Nesta, I just know Az is the stamina king)

•Even his shadows just want him to sleep but your boy is too depressed

•I’m sorry but everything about his and Elains almost kiss is HOT people who think it was overly sexualized or something have missed all the first thoughts we get from like every SJM boy about their LI (ROWAN IN QOS FR) and also the fact that this tension has obviously been brewing for a while??? he’s been avoiding her because it’s that palpable and ELAIN KNOWS IT. it’s a mutual thing it doesnt mean there isn’t romance beneath it or that he’s a creep for wanting her after a year of putting off his feelings

Brief interlude, his offending lines:

•”My two brothers are with two of those sisters but the third was given to another” - the language here might make you uncomfortable but that’s because MATING BONDS ARE UNCOMFORTABLE. we’re told by Rhys himself that they’re often used to “give” a female to a male. the distinction he makes here that Feyre/Nes are “with” Rhys/Cas but Elain was “given” to Lucien is because Elucien is the only mating bond example we’ve followed in this series where the foundation is not love and choice. Azriel does not feel entitled/think he deserves Elain. In this same chapter he feels unworthy to even touch her, stands outside in the freezing cold until he’s “again nothing at all.” Mor tells us all the way back in ACOMAF that he feels completely undeserving of love. Azriel does not think he deserves Elain just because Rhys said so (Az LITERALLY glares at him for saying it). Azriel brought up a valid point (that other characters have too) that the Archeron sisters (who have comparable power) would makes sense all mated to the bat boys (again, comparable power) since we know that’s a crux of mating bonds. Not to mention, Azriel and Elain genuinely just like each other and always have, more so than any of the mated couples even. From a logical standpoint, they would make sense as mates. Even this ships haters say they would be “too predictable/obvious” like SO YOU AGREE THEY MAKE EASY LOGICAL SENSE that’s what Az is implying.

•”Lucien will never be good enough for her” I’ve seen a lot of people use this line to say Az hates/drags Lucien but that’s not how I interpret it at all. First off, all of Az’s other actions (i’ve listed some above) show he’s actually very considerate of/trusting in regards to Lucien. This line to me reads less as “lucien is a bad/undeserving person” and more “Lucien is not what Elain wants” (right after he says she has no interest in him). From Azriel’s POV (and ours my fellow readers) Lucien has done nothing to win over Elain. Yes he’s been polite and I applaud him for that over others actions with their mates (cough cough Cassian) but he’s also never sought her out for a real conversation about the bond, never had any sort of “clicking” moment with her, and still after years just makes her uncomfortable (as far as we and Az know). I think it makes perfect sense to infer from this Lucien is not “good enough” in regards to what Elain is seeking (I think the easiest way I can put this is the idea of “somebody can be perfect but still not perfect for you”). Is Azriel’s opinion a little biased? Yes FS, but also this girl was about to let him do filthy things to her down the hall from Lucien, I say it’s pretty safe for him to infer that she doesn’t want Lucien (and therefor never will).

•”He hadn’t gotten that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to” - I won’t repeat what I said above regarding the sexual undertones in the chapter, but also the reason why Az hadn’t thought beyond this is in the chapter and it’s not because he’s some fuck boy. AZRIEL KNOWS HE CANT HAVE A FUTURE WITH ELAIN AND DOESNT THINK HE DESERVES IT. It’s written all over their interactions together. He wanted to kiss her to have a piece of her to hold onto, not because he thinks he can have a future with her because he knows as things stand he can’t. He doesn’t want to plan to push her/seduce her (like rhys implies) or anything because he doesn’t feel worthy of her and knows circumstances won’t allow them to be together safely. What’s driving him crazy and keeping him up at night with fantasies is that they do both want each other, but imagining a life where they could have more than that and be happy together is impossible for Az because he’s someone who has never prioritized his happiness and does not expect it.

•”I’ll defeat him with little effort.” - Again reading comprehension I beg, this is not a diss against Lucien. If Lucien was the type of guy to invoke a blood duel because Elain chose Azriel (Lucien wouldn’t, Azriel doesn’t even think he would it’s Rhys who suggests it) then YEAH AZ CAN KICK HIS ASS WITH LITTLE EFFORT BC THAT WOULD BE A CRAPPY THING TO DO.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming

•I LOVE everything about his scene with Gwyn on the roof. His vague awkwardness, his teasing of her and trying to be polite, him actually trying to help her train (after we learn Cas has been useless, go figure), and just being so sweet and kind to her in general even though he’s probably still incredibly sad/upset🤧

•This precious boy gets a small urge to cross his arms and is thrown into a PTSD flashback of his father with his mom??? He constantly consciously makes effort not to appear scary/threatening to women because he’s that scarred from his fathers behavior😭

•Listen, I won’t try to entirely defend the necklace thing because I do think it’s weird no matter who you ship Azriel with BUT i will say my best take on it is that it’s a version of self harm/sabotage. Like the only thing that makes sense to me here is he’s subconsciously creating barriers in his relationships with both Elain/Gwyn by doing this which is honestly way less f-boy (a weird take i’ve seen from people, especially given at this point he has no plans to pursue either Elain or Gwyn) and just way more very sad.

FINALLY, sprinkles from HOFAS:

•He’s so FINE in this book

•His silly little things like kicking rocks while trailing Nesta and Bryce to make a point are SO funny

•Him and Nesta working so well together, may not be a point in his favor but it makes me happy

•Azriel loving and defending his mom✨

•Azriel barely snapping at Nesta and then immediately apologizing and saying he loves her. THAT is more emotional intelligence than any other male in ACOTAR has shown

•Him liking club music but also being embarrassed about it? Adorable

•Everything about his interactions with Bryce in this book strike me so hard because you can tell he’s trying to keep his guard up but still has a lot of sympathy for her. I think that gets to the core of who Az is: smart and distant and guarded but also genuinely kind above all

•Also so many small funny little jokes and lines

I COULD PROBABLY SAY MORE AND GO ON FOREVER BUT HOPEFULLY PEOPLE GET THE POINT :)

[jacaerysgf]

chapter two Stuck in the middle

c.s: today is the day of the tourney and you are more than hopeful everyone will be better behaved today. But what happens when you are the one who does not behave. oh no, do you hold affections for both princes!?!?

w.c: 3.1k

a.n: a shorter one i know but i promise its all set up for the individual endings :33 love you guys i hope enjoy <3

fic masterlist

“Well someone looks grumpy this morning.” You grumble as you stab your fork into the array of fruits resting in your plate. “I am not grumpy.”

You are. You did not sleep well last night. Thoughts clouded your mind so heavily you are glad you even managed to fall asleep before sunrise.

You eat breakfast in silence while jeyne and jessamyn chat about the upcoming tourney.

“I think aemond will win” at the mention of his name your head shoots up and you narrow your eyes when you see they are already looking at you with a humorous look. “What?”

“Oh nothing. I simply wish to know your thoughts on the prince.” “He is fine.”

“oh maybe prince jacaerys is more to her taste.” “no it is certainly prince aemond you saw the way he looked at her and she spoke to him!” “are you blind? she was clearly fawning over prince jacaerys and he her!”

“will you both please stop talking about this?” You put your head in your hands as you feel a headache begin to grow. You are not ready to see both of them today you feel like you might die. Atleast they will not be together today for jacaerys will not be participating in the tourney but that also means you will be spending your time with him.

It is not that you do not like him. If anything you adore him you were so close as children but you cannot stand this strange stand off he’s been having with aemond and you pray it doesn’t spill over into today.

He has not come out by the time you arrive to the stands and sit down next to what you believe to be his chair with lucerys seated at your other side. You can see people from the stands below eyeing you and whispering to each other but you try to ignore it. Who cares about what they have to say? You do. You are squinting your eyes to try and see if you can read their lips.

You feel a hand touch your arm and you turn to lucerys who smiles at you. “Are you well dear sister?” “I am not your sister my prince.” A mischievous smile graces his face and you give him a confused look, “Not yet my lady.”

Before you can even ask him what he’s talking about jacaerys sits down beside you and you smile at him. You are always astounded by how gorgeous he truly is, grateful he has fully embraced the curls of his hair and has truly embraced his Targaryen ancestors, rarely being found without the sigil stitched onto his clothes. “Y/n Good day.” “Good day jace.”

He smiles warmly and readjusts himself in his chair. “I’d like to apologize to you. I had lost myself last night and acted inappropriately, acted before i had thought of how you would feel. I offer you my deepest and most sincere apologies.” You shake your head, How could you ever be upset at him? “I accept your apologies and i am glad you did apologize. Most men wouldn’t.”

A look of pride graces his face as he grins, “Thankfully i am not most men.” You find your fingers aimlessly playing with the cuff of his sleeve as you turn to face out at the crowd again, suddenly not caring about what those around you had been saying. “You certainly are not.” He looks down at your hand before he leans back in his chair, turning his wrist around and lacing your fingers with his. You can’t help but flush as his boldness but when you turn towards him and see he is not looking at you but a large grin can’t help but stay on his face.

Suddenly rhaenyra is giving a small speech before the events begin. You are much more invested than you thought you would be, leaning forwards out of your chair whenever the men would come riding out and find yourself gasping at the brutality. “Enjoying yourself?” You turn to jace and nod, “Of course! things like this never happen in the vale, it is rather boring but this is much fun.” You laugh and allow yourself to take a drink from you cup.

“You know we hold tourneys rather often in kings landing, ive grown to find them rather stale.” You tilt your head at him, “truly so often you could grow to find this boring?” “Everytime there is a nameday a tourney tends be thrown in their honor. It grows quite boring once it is your third one this year alone.” You chuckle, “I imagine you are quite miserable right now.” He shakes his head and looks at you with a glint in his eye, “Not quite. I am rather content now with my company i can find anything enjoyable.” You smack him on the shoulder and roll your eyes jokingly, “Shut up.” “Telling your prince to shut up? Do you have no regard for yourself? I am the heir!” “and you shall be buried if you continue with your nonsense.” “it is not nonsense if it is true. You truly are the loveliest company of them all.”

You hum and turn away as you try to calm your racing heart. Yet you find yourself imagining spending you life here. Getting to see these tourneys all the time, getting to feel this thrill, getting to be with jace. You turn to look at him and he is staring out into the crowd with a blank look, he must truly find these events boring. Yet when he turns to look at you you see his face light up and the sun catches his perfectly making him look like an angel. He tilts his head at you, “Is something wrong?” You turn and shakes your head, clutching the favor in your hand tightly.

The mood suddenly darkens as you see aemond finally ride up and you see him tense and you lean forward in your seat. He is dawned in armor that has dragon imagery all over it and graces with a helm which had dragon wings sticking out of the top of it. His face is covered but you’re sure he looks as glorious as ever. You watch as he stops his horse to face the royal box and you swear you can see him pointed in your direction.

You feel a tap on your shoulder, “were going to stand to greet the men this time, you wish to join us?” You look at jace who looks annoyed but does nothing to stop you as you stand and lace your arm with baela’s and walk towards the rail. You lean over and see a rather handsome man standing at the stands. “Is he dornish?” “oh god’s he’s dornish.”

“wyl sand, pleased to meet you.” He suddenly stands in front of you and looks up at you with a grin, “The beauty of the eyrie, you are truly beautiful my lady, if i could have your favor i am sure to bring you glory.”

You stare at him alarmed before your eyes look to aemond who sits frozen on his horse almost as if he is a statue. You turn your head back to jace and you swear you see his eye twitch as he looks at you blanky. you find yourself lost. What happens if you give it to him? will jacaerys and aemond be furious? You do realize you owe them no loyalty you are a free women to do as you please. You grip the favor tightly in your hands as you think to yourself, maybe this will settle the peace a little, if you gave your favor to aemond, who is sure to ask for it as he had asked yesterday, jace would surely be angry but if you gave it to a third party what is the worst to happen?

You hope nothing truly horrible as you toss down the favor and watch him catch it with a small smile. “I wish you well today, ser.” “I am sure to do well with your blesses and favor my lady.” You can’t help but glance at aemond quickly rides away into his starting position not even asking for a single favor. A pit forms in your stomach as you begin to get a bad feeling. “Something bad is going to happen.” You cannot agree more. You watch with weary eyes as the two men ready themselves and you can’t help but grip the rail tightly.

It happens in a flash the two ride past each other and you let out a breath of relief seeing as they both stayed on their horses. You lean forward as the words are called again and the two begin to ride towards each other once more your heart pounding. You barely believe your eyes as aemond falls of his horse and you gasp, covering your mouth with your hands. “Unbelievable!”

You begin to feel bad as if this had been your fault. You clutch over your heart as you watch him struggle to stand, a sickness takes over you as you watch wyl walk over to him and he seems to be saying something to him. “This cannot end well.”

It happens to quick you believe you had imagined it. Suddenly aemond is tackling wyl and punching him over and over beating him into the ground. The crowd errupts into a fever as you stumble back like you can’t believe what you’re watching. He suddenly stands after a couple long moments before reaching down and ripping something off of him.

Your favor.

You watch in horror as he ties it around his wrist as he walks over and poor wyl gets dragged off, you can barely even see his face beyond the blood that has laced it. You can’t breathe. Theres no way he did that because he was mad over the favor no? certainly not. There was no way, right? You turn around and see everyone look at you concerned or alarmed. No.

“I,,, need some air.” You quickly hurry out of the booth and away from the events. Jace stands up and goes to follow after you but rhaenyra places a hand on his shoulder and shakes her head at him. He sits back down but stares at the direction you had run off with a worried gaze.

You walk far enough away you can no longer hear the crowd, it is some walkway you believe, there is some benches and a small pond placed in the center. You find yourself sitting in one of the benches as you try and catch your breath. You place your hands on your knees as you try your best to clear your mind.

“It is not your fault” you remind yourself in a hushed whisper.

“It is certainly not.” You jump at his voice and look up at him alarmed.

Still dawned in his armor which you can now see has speckles of blood covering the torso and the shoulders up to his neck, you see he’s also taken off his gloves you do however notice he’s clutching your favor in his right hand. When you finally look at his face you notice he had some blood speckled all over his face but he had a particular large mark near his lips.

“My prince-” “aemond i beg of you call me aemond.” You freeze at his sudden interruption and notice he looks rather distraught. “Are you alright,, aemond?” you struggle with his name on your tongue before it actually comes out, not used to referring to him so casually. “You should not feel like it is your fault i assure you it is not. I acted with my anger not my head and i will punish myself for it. though i offer you my apologizes for everything.”

“why did you do it?” You look at his eye and he gazes into yours like you are the only women on earth. He pauses for a long long moment, allowing himself to savor the moment. “He had something i wanted.” “My favor? I’m sorry i knew you had asked for it-” “Your attention. The strength and the courage to go ask you for it.” You find yourself staring at the blood on his lips too often and bring your thumb to brush it off his lips and he lets out a couple shaky breaths. “Why did you not ask me for it?”

“I am ashamed to admit i was nervous. I am disfigured, i would not want you associated with me should you not wish it.” You shake your head as you feel your heart break at his words and expression. “I would have given it to you.” You do not mean for your words to crack but you can’t help it. You like aemond you do, though you don’t know him as well as you would wish too, your heart cant help but hurt for him as you think about the cruelty he must have faced through his life.

He says nothing but continues to stare at you. His hands come lightly to grip onto your cheeks the exchange between you is wordless. he places the lightest kiss against your lips before he pulls away, the two of you completely overwhelm with emotions, the two of your sharing battered breaths as he pulls you into kiss him again. This time it is full of fever, its sloppy due to inexperience yet it makes up in eagerness.

The two of you pull apart and attempt to catch your breaths, You find yourself letting a laugh and he smiles a light laugh escaping him as well. “What was that?” “I have no idea.”

“Aemond!” You two pull apart quickly and aemond turns around to see criston sprinting towards him, “The queen has asked for you.” Criston looks between you and aemond bewildered but a pleased look graces his face as you turn away from him, “Let us go.”

Aemond turns to you and smiles, “I shall see you, my lady.” “I shall see you, aemond.” He walks off with criston the smile staying on his face, You see the two enter a heated, well it is only really heated from criston while aemond seems to be remaining as calm as ever, discussion about something, criston turning back a couple times to look at you. You’re sure everyone will be talking about the fact that you were alone with aemond by nightfall. If you were not lucky criston could have caught on to what you were just doing and would tell everyone.

You decide you should head back, not knowing how long you had been out here. You attempt to calm yourself as you walk back to the tourney, the voices of the crowd growing louder and louder the closer and closer you get. yet they are not louder than the voices in your head

Did this mean you were courting? did you want to court him? what would happen to jacaerys? why were you thinking about jacaerys? why couldnt things just be easier?

You walk back up to your seat and smile as everyone welcomes you back, and thank everyone as you move to sit down next to jacaerys again.

“Are you alright y/n?” Your heart aches at the concern obvious on his face and you can’t help but feel you had betrayed him slight. “I am thank you.”

You turn away from him and try not to give into his burning gaze into the side of your face. You cannot get into the rest of the tourney and barely even clap your hands as some random knight wins.

When you stand to leave jacaerys stops you by grabbing your wrist and you turn to look at him, “May i walk you back to your room?” You nod your head unable to refuse him and he gives you a light smile as he offers you his arm as he lets go of your wrist. You grab it and say goodbye to the others as you walk off, not noticing the way alicent glares at the two of you while rhaenyra holds a pleased look.

He breaks the silence once the two of you were alone, walking through the empty keep halls “you are free to tell me if you are upset but i do not wish to push you-“ “he kissed me”

The two of you freeze. You realize that was not the best way to go about it but you had to tell him. It felt wrong not to. Thought you are not officially courting you knew it was inevitable. You look at him as he keeps his gaze forward unblinking as his jaw clenches.

suddenly he begins to walk again and you are shocked but attempt to keep up with his long strides. You feel awful as he continues to not gaze at you.

“I know we are nothing official nor are me and him anything official but i felt like i had to tell you, you are important to me-“

He suddenly pushes you against the wall and you gasp, staring at him with wide eyes. “jace-“

“do you wish for me to kiss you?”

What.

you should be furious. you should slap him across the face and tell him no. tell him to release you and walk away. his first thought when you tell him you kissed another man is to ask you to kiss him? Is he crazy?

but you do want him to kiss you. So maybe that makes you crazier than him.

“yes.”

The first thing you notice is his lips are softer than aemonds. The kiss is also a lot softer. Like he is in no rush, he has all the time in the world to worship you and press his lips against yours. He hums lightly as yours hands come up to his neck and play with the hairs on the back of his head. You slowly pull apart and he leaves a couple more pecks on your lips as you two smile.

“You are a wonder.” you laugh lightly at his praise. and shake your head. “You do not need to flatter me.” “It is not flattery it is simply the truth.”

you push against his chest and he stumbles back with laugh. he opens his mouth as if he is about to speak but a maid suddenly rounds the corner. “my prince. You are needed for a meeting with the council.” you watch as his face falls and he sighs, giving you a sad look. “I shall see you?” “i shall see you.” he grins at you before he walks off with the maid, not before glancing at you once more before rounding a corner.

you let out a long breath and lean your whole body weight on the wall until you slide down the wall onto the floor.

You were certainly in a lot of trouble.

taglist (open!) @smurfelle @venmondiese @winter-soldier-101 @urmomsgirlfriend1 @councilofcastamere @tssf-imagines @atargaryenlover @possiblyafangirl l @bibliophile221b @your-favorite-god @daenaera-t @daddymggx x @ffuckingllife @claire-loves-music c @elissanatok

bold - unable to be tagged

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

my long ass avery rant that might not make sense but i love her and needed to make this.

a huge rant about my love for avery (i swear im not hating on anyone (except for avery haters... sort of. i respect your opinion but...)) i think the end of my rant makes more sense than the beginning...

IVE MADE A POST ABOUT THIS BUT ILL SAY IT AGAIN. STOP OVERLOOKING AVERY'S TRAUMA. SHE IS SO UNDERRATED AND SUCH A COMPLEX CHARACTER AND I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE IGNORING HER. PEOPLE IN THIS FANDOM BARELY POST ABOUT HER AND IT'S UNBEARABLE (LIKE NO HATE CAUSE I LOVE ALL THE LYRA POSTS BUT HOW ARE PEOPLE POSTING MORE ABOUT A CHARACTER NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT AND NOT AVERY??? LIKE I SAID NOT HATE, I EAT THE LYRA POSTS UP).

she's literally the best character in the series. the brothers don't even come close to her. people who are mad at her for not picking grayson can actually just shove it up their ass bc gray and avery would've never worked out in the long run. avery is a queen and i see people hating on her for so many stupid reasons. not picking gray? giving away the money? being an emily 2.0????????????????????????????? don't even dare compare my queen, my love, my everything to that wretched beast who is now rotting in a coffin underground. some people making reviews on goodreads seriously need to get a life and touch some grass.

as im rereading the main trilogy, i'm writing down quotes from avery so i can make an in depth analysis of her character. it might suck and it will definitely be multiple parts but if no one is gonna acknowledge her trauma, i will. i'm sick and tired of people constantly ranting about grayson and other characters when avery is literally the main character. none of this series would exist if it weren't for avery. the fact that some people are willing to defend their favorite characters when they hurt avery is so so sad to me. like, i love jameson with my entire heart, but treating avery like a puzzle and messing with her self esteem was not cool of him. same goes for grayson and him treating avery like a shitty gold digger who 'hasn't struggled like he has'

i've made posts about this before but i feel the need to make another one. i've seen people defend grayson for treating avery like shit in the first book (some people do it as a joke which is fine but some people are actually serious and it confuses me??). i get that grayson was mad and disappointed that his grand father disinherited him after a lifetime of being told he was going to inherit. his feelings were 100% valid. did he have the right to take it out on avery though? no. not at all. this girl is even more confused that he is and has been nothing but kind to him. him invalidating her feelings and treating her like crap is just so shitty of him. don't get me wrong. he has redeemed himself and i do love him, but seeing people defending him (in a serious way) just gets on my nerves. would you like to be treated the way avery was in tig? i think not.

i'm not as mad about jameson bc 1. he apologized on 'screen' and 2. i don't see people defending him as much as grayson (i don't think i've ever seen a post defending him which is good). i love him too, and what he did was also horrible. i better not ever see a post defending him. his actions are explainable but that doesn't justify them. he really messed with avery's self-esteem, so much as to make her doubt his feelings towards her. the only reason i'm not as mad as with the grayson situation is bc i don't see people defending him as passionately (if at all).

i see this happen in so many fandoms. people gush over the male love interest or the male main character and completely ignore the fmc. the only fandom i don't see this happening in is the folk of the air fandom. jude is getting the attention she deserves which makes me so happy. people willingly ignore what the fmc goes through at the hands of their favorite male character just bc they love them and that is just so absurd to me.

anyways, avery has been through so much fucking trauma it would take me hours to go through it all. she grew up with almost no one by her side, learning how to take care of/protect herself, lost her mother at 15, her best friend moved away a few years before her mom died, her father treated her like dog shit and completely ignore her for her entire life until she inherited the money, she lived in her car, worked her ass off at school and at work to simply keep herself alive, had to deal with drake (although she wasn't his girlfriend, he clearly affected her if she was willing to move into her car bc of him), was almost killed by drake (and, indirectly, skye), sheffield, and eve (and kidnapped by sheffield), it was mentioned on tfg (i believe) that there were other attempts on her life in between thl and tfg, dealt with people constantly belittling her trauma (and her) and saying horrible things about her, she deals with horrible panic attacks after everything she's been through, also deals with crappy self esteem (that was made worse by some of the hawthornes), her privacy was constantly invaded, and, this one is more subtle, but there are instances where she thinks (or does) self harm (like the scene in thl where she's purposefully trying to hurt herself by punching the brick wall blocking off toby's wing. both oren and jameson had to step in to help her). all of these things clearly affected her but barely anyone talks about it? i'm probably missing some things but i just wish she got more attention. she is one of the most forgiving (literally too forgiving. she's willing to forgive people so easily bc she wants to be wanted (but doesn't want to want to be wanted) and have friends)

this girl is much stronger than anyone gives her credit for (the hawthornes would never survive in the 'asylum where they raised her' (whos afraid of little old me by avery is definitely her song)). this rant is probably all over the place and is really long (but definitely won't be the last). thank you for attending my ted talk.

[queen--kenobi]

Hi, I'm the anon who said about table sex. I made some criticism which you took the wrong way, your friends butted in and said nasty stuff to me, and I said nasty stuff back. It just escalated out of control.

If you were more humble then maybe you would see I was merely offering feedback. I did point out the good qualities of your fic.

Someone then took my anon identity and roleplayed as me on someone's blog saying I rode my ex on my parents coffee table. It's actually not me. The table incident I spoke about involved my husband and the dining table. Without going into detail, it was awkward, uncomfortable and impossible. People who say otherwise are lying. Unless you try it then you don't know. RL is not like fanfic.

I am feeling very lonely and low just now, enough to contemplate what the point of existence. Then I see your ridiculous table sex challenge and I am crying. You just keep making a fool out of me. You're obviously not a popular blog so you're now milking your five seconds of fame at my expense just to get attention. This is even worse when people hated on me for saying blood and cheese needed to happen and they deserved it. And I stand by that. Daemon did what he had to do.

I am still really upset not that you care. I felt guilty at upsetting you but not now. You're rude arrogant and vain. Your friends reblog your fic with out reading. That's why no comment nearly or reviews. Your story sounds like a turtle tried to write it and then gave up. You probably use AI. Your a bad writer and an even worse person. Your beta should be locked up in English jail they are the worst betas I have ever seen. You're a huge turd and I absolutely despise you. Never speak to me again Percy

Okay so, I had to take a minute to sit down and think about my response. This is actually going to be my last response because we're at the point where nothing productive is going to come of this

I did acknowledge your criticism in the first anon you sent to me. Is that fic perfect? No. As I said, I'm probably going to rework that fic. But a lot of your points were just... Not valid? One of them was but the rest were obviously to try and hurt my feelings

And you truly expect me to believe someone just took your anon identity? Like sure, yeah, they could have. But I doubt it. It sounds like a cop out

Also, love how you try to act like you're the victim but then add that last paragraph. Bestie, it's giving "I didn't really mean what I said"

And yk what? It's not arrogant and vain if I can back it up. Tbh if you genuinely think I'm that way you have not been paying attention and/or haven't ever actually bothered to talk to me

Also you're the one that came back! If you don't want to speak to me, quit coming into my house!

But

To get serious for a minute. You do not know me, and I do not know you. To put your mental health on a stranger is irresponsible, especially when you make it sound like you're going to hurt yourself. I am not responsible for what you do. You are responsible for your own actions, not me. If you are truly suicidal or wanting to hurt yourself, please. Get off the internet and find a professional to talk to. I'm not saying that to be funny. I am saying that as genuine life advice

[rachetmath]

Why RWBY Ain't MC?

(Okay if you already seen this ('Jaune More MC Ruby? 'https://rachetmath.tumblr.com/post/744057722669039616/jaune-more-mc-ruby) Then you should know where this is going.)

Jaune: And that's what is wrong with your characters.

RWBY: *shocked* 

Ruby: Oh crap.

Weiss: Oh God…

Blake: My people…

Yang: I am a basic bitch?

Jaune: Yeah you girl's characters are all over the place. Not just that… you have so much screen time yet do nothing with it. You're basically side characters to your own stories. 

Yang: Not true.

Jaune: Yes true. Look let's start with Ruby.

Ruby: Me?

Jaune: Yeah, because some of my character issues should have been yours, like killing Penny for example. Considering that was suitable punishment for what you have done. You lied to James. You drove him off the rails. You and your team made the mess. 

Ruby: Um…

Jaune: But that's too easy. Let's really go down the shit hole. Ruby, you have silver eyes. Yet you barely use them. You never trained with them. We still know nothing about them. And we don’t know if they’ll work on Salem.

Ruby: um…

Jaune: And you know that would have been answered back at Atlas if you went on the battlefield. Speaking of Salem, why the hell would you put Ironwood someone more of my problem than Salem, if I recall knows who your mom is.

Ruby: Well I had to protect Penny.

Jaune: Mhmm. Okay. Speaking of your mom what did you learn about her in The Ever After?

Ruby: Um-

Jaune: Not much. Yeah. And again no villain besides Cinder and Neo were interested in you. Not even you are interested in them considering you barely remember them. Like Ruby, you don't do anything. Like you fast but slow in the head. Hell even Neo ganging up on you, you still didn't deserve it. I actually deserved it.

Ruby: How?

Jaune: Again Pyrrha died. Ozpin died. All because of me. And even if you killed Penny it's still going to feel like my fault because I could've prevented it.

Ruby: Oh no. 

Weiss: Jaune-

Jaune: Nope. Your turn. You are worse than your father.

Weiss: I-

Jaune: You talk about how your father does business but you don’t do business. Nor do you know how to run a business.

Weiss: I mean-

Jaune: You lied to your sister’s face. Your sister who trained you and made sure you were able to leave Atlas. You got Klien fired. You threatened your own brother.

Weiss: Um-. I-i

Jaune: Oh let’s not forget how you destroyed your home and now your family is broke.

Weiss: Well at least I’m a good teammate.

Jaune: Didn’t you almost divide your team about two times? Also, how is everyone insulting me when you barely win your fights?

Weiss: Not true.

Jaune: Flynt Coal.

Weiss: Luck.

Jaune: Vernal.

Weiss: I was rusty.

Jaune: More like spamming.

Weiss: We defeated the Ace-ops.

Jaune: Neo and Cinder. The ones who were supposed to be on the same level as them. Did you win?

Weiss: Shit.

Jaune: You know what I should mention this. In Argus, I must have been under some stress or high as a kite, because now that I think about it, the deal Cordoven gave us, wasn’t that bad.

Weiss: Jaune she was planning to send me back to my father.

Jaune: Alright, then instead of accepting those terms and going to face your father, basically lying claim to your life, you cowardly avoided him and let your friends be what scares him. Not you. In fact, you were willing to endanger yourself and thousands of people to avoid him.

Weiss: … … ….

Jaune: Look I understand you don’t have to face everything alone. But there are some moments you have to deal with alone. Instead of having to escape your father like last time, you could have returned, stood up to him, and left out the front door from which you came in. Why? Because that’s how much you care about your friends and your freedom that you won’t let anybody, especially a man you can easily crush into ground beef take from you.

Weiss: By god. I am my father. 

Jaune: Yeah. Blake.

Blake: *looks at him*

Jaune: Blake, I would be concerned for my people if I were you.

Blake: Why?

Jaune: Well-

Me: Nope. Nope. I’ll explain. Blake, you remember the hound right?

Blake: Yeah.

Blake: A silver-eyed person.

Me: Look at his head.

Blake: “Look at his head”? I mean I see- oh. Oh my god.

Me: Yeah. A faunus. People who have animal-like features.  Again with silver eyes, we know nothing. But Faunuses on the other hand, we know where this could lead to.

Blake: Oh no.

Me: And you single-handedly divided the White Fang. And if hunters or people start siding with Salem, what does that mean for the Faunuses who are now venerable because of you?

Blake: Oh GOD! What have I done?!

Me: I mean I started questioning whether you cared about your people or not. Considering you didn’t bother staying in Mantle to protect them. You trust a criminal more than an official officer or hunter. Even though Robyn was doing the same crap Adam and Roman were doing. Good job.

Blake: *crying*

Me: Now for you.

Yang: Me?

Me: Yes. I never thought I come back for your ass. But here we are. Now then, what the fuck did Raven tell you to do?

Yang: Um.

Me: The same thing your father was telling you to do. Think. Don’t just follow orders. Don’t just act. Think! 

Yang: I did but-

Me: You didn’t think it through.

Yang: Look trusting Robyn-

Me: When you confronted Robyn what was your plan afterwards?

Yang: Um-

Me: Remember you didn’t tell her everything so she was still skeptical. She was tearing James a new one. So what was the point?!

Yang: Um-

Me: I mean, how were you going to chop Ruby off when ultimately you are more at fault than she is?

Yang: Um.

Me: Like at least Ruby was trying to lower the tension. You as per-fucking-usual added way more fuel to an already heated fire.

Yang: Well-

Me: I already mentioned how you are the biggest hypocrite, a simp and horrible sister. Now I might as well say you are the weakest link in your team– no, your squad.  

Yang: Hey-

Me: You've been losing fights.

Yang: Name-

Me: Mercury.

Yang: I beat him.

Jaune: Wasn’t that part of the plan to set you up though?

Yang: Yeah but-

Me: Round two, what happened then?

Yang: They double-teamed me.

Me: Before that you couldn’t land hit on him.

Yang: … … Adam.

Me: 2 v 1. He wasn’t even at his best. Bro was in his feelings.

Yang: The Ace-ops-

Me: Marrow, for one, could’ve ended that fight before it started. Second weren’t they arguing half the battle? Also didn’t Elm have your partner and for “reasons” she decided to let Blake go? Selling the match.

Yang: A win is a win.

Me: Okay Salem. Did you stand your ground and fight?

Yang: Um. Tactical retreat?

Me: She wasn’t even putting in effort. The cat.

Yang: I mean-

Me: Kilgore.

Yang: He does not count.

Me: Neo and Cinder. Again, on Ace-op level.

Yang: Come on, man, she-

Me: A win is a win right? So if you get a ring out or fall that is not victory. Neo won. Two to Zero.

Yang: … … …

Me: Raven… Raven trusted the lamp to you. Not Ruby. You! And you just… you just lost it like that. You fumbled- you fumbled so bad. And what’s crazy is I mentioned how you searched for the deadbeat instead of your “real mom” but it seems Raven is a better mom than Summer now. How? Not only is she alive. She knows what happened to Summer. And she saved your ass so many times. Three times.

Yang: Not-

Me: The train. Your first defeat.

Yang: … ….

Me: I’m not going to count Adam. But she let you leave her tribe camp alive, with your friend no less, knowing full well she didn’t have to help you especially when you came to her and was ready to fight when she wouldn’t give you what you wanted.

Yang: …. …. 

Me: And she let you walk with the relic. She could’ve killed you two times. But she didn’t. Why? Because whether she likes it or not, you are her DAUGHTER! And she LOVES you! 

Yang: Um…

Me: I hope- I hope Raven puts her hands on you because you earned the most savage ass whipping alive.  You basic bitch.

Yang: *shocked*

Me: Anyways y'all had plenty of opportunities to make your characters good. You all were given a good amount of screen time, however, the writers don't allow you to face your problems, shield you from consequences, and try so hard to prove you are always in the right all the time that you all might as well be Mary Sue. The worst kind of Mary Sue. The do no wrong type of Mary Sue.

Jaune: Damn. 

Me: Jaune, bro, I hope you survive this cause I still stand by this the writers did you dirty man. You didn't deserve that man. You didn't- you didn't deserve that. You and your team deserve better. 

[morriganravenclaw]

Found parent trope for gale cleven . Part 1

When gale was 10 years old he runaway from home . His dad has lost a bet again and blamed on poor gale , that resulted In a blackened eye .

Gale in fear about what would happen if he stayed there , he ran . Ran with tears and his eyes and no where to go , it's not like he had friends so he could go at their house.

As he ran , he tripped and fell and skinned his knee which resulted in more crying and him curling at himself. He jolted when he felt a hand on his shoulders and he could barely make out who was kneeling in front of him from his tear filled eyes .

When his vision finally cleared he saw the woman that everyone talks about in town . They say she's a Russian ww1 veteran and that she fled Russia.

She takes him under her wing , basically becomes his second mom , he spends more time at her house then at his .

Turns out she in fact did not flee russia , she left because her whole family was killed and she had nothing left there .

She tells him stories about the war , how brutal it is . How it strips people apart , how even if you survive you will never be the same again . How numb you feel the first time you kill . She tells him over and over again there's no glory in war .

She teaches him how to fight , after he came to her with a black eye after school . Teaches him how to shoot , properly. Teaches him how to throw a knife and how to fight with an knife.

But she also teaches him , the importance in being well educated. She is the reason why he likes science so much she had tons of books about science and literature books .

He sees how she acts and tries to imitate her . She's always calm , soft spoken . But he also notices how she observes everything people do almost like she expects an attack .

When the war starts , he knows he wants to sing up . He tells her over dinner , it's the first time he sees her lose her temper . She yells that he can't go , that he will die , why does he want to ruin himself , that all these years of her telling him what war really is like , he wasn't actually listening.

Finally she informs him that if does go , she will not write to him , at all . He's as good as dead in her eyes the moment he steps through the door to leave . Gales feels like he has been shot at the heart when he hears that .

To his suprise , she does stick to what she said she would do . All the boys at bootcamp talk about their letters from home, how their parents are doing. Every time there's mail he hopes he will find one with her name in it , he can't help but be disappointed when he only sees Marges letters .

He never stops sending her letters though . Not until he is shot down . He's like a little boy trying to cling to the last stable parental figure he ever had.

She stores all the letters he sends her , reads them over and over again . She prays every night he's safe and he comes back home . She knows he has feeling for bucky by the way gale talks about him . She's proud that he finally found someone that completes him.

( this is no way canon and I'm not saying it is , this my headcannon because I wanted to do something nice for gale )

[velvetvexations]

it’s so bizarre to me that you never, EVER reblog or post anything about transmisogyny or the transfem experience. like, can you even recommend any transfem-centric blogs for me to follow? for someone so into “solidarity” your trans activism seems pretty focused on trans men only

So there are multiple things going on with this ask.

As I've explained several times before - I don't necessarily blame you for not seeing it, but I have - most social issues give me panic attacks to contemplate. The thing I mentioned triggered me so badly yesterday was something in the transmisogyny tag that wasn't tagged with anything I had blacklisted (not that OP's fault, I added more variations of transphobia warnings so it hopefully won't happen again).

Intercommunity issues are less existential. Things like hate crimes and legislative assaults on queer people freak me out and leave me a shaking, crying, doomscrolling mess. I don't even follow like, literally any of the people who followed me for transandrophobia advocacy because they reblog other things that gives me heart palpitations.

That limits my exposure to intercommunity issues facing transfems specifically as well, the vast majority of people I follow don't put any discourse on my dash at all. However, I have in fact reblogged posts purely about transmisogyny (other than the kind transandrophobes throw at me lol) only to immediately delete them when I see the OP is vile towards transmascs in other posts, completely spoling the message. At least one was even specifically about ways transmascs can be transmisogynistic, which I thought was a fair enough criticism before realizing it was at best one good point in a sea of bullshit directed at our trans brothers. Another time I specifically asked someone how they felt about trasnmascs before I reblogged their very good post about transmisogyny and was delighted when they gave a fantastic response.

Furthermore, I do actually just speak on pure transmisogyny myself sometimes! I talked at length about the immense pain it caused me realizing Alison Bechdel was TERFier than I thought in a way that completely contradicts the strip that made me cry out of appreciation for her. Recently, I've also been talking a lot about the ways butch transfems are treated for not looking cis.

Do I mention these things less than transandrophobia and other issues that affect people other than transfems? Sure. But like...so what? I like doing things for other people.

I don't mean to act like I'm some kinna savior or anything, but as I said just yesterday, helping people outside of your own issues is something I'm kinna obsessed with not just in myself but others too. I'm constantly stressing how cis allies should be appreciated e.g. my previous feelings about Bechdel, and despite how she turned out I still firmly believe that cis allies should be treasured. I've donated money to multiple cis allies to say thanks for their statements.

It's not like I'm just so saintly selfless or anything like that, I'm very self-centered, it's just that being an ally to [x], [x] being allies to me, and [x] being allies to [y] who have nothing to do with me is not only a rare area of activism I can function in, it's one that actively brings me joy. This includes having sent multiple messages to transmascs thanking them when they speak up about transmisogyny, because I want to show them the love so many of them have shown me for the same thing.

Finally, you say my trans activism is focused on trans men. Maybe so, by volume. But, and I've mentioned this before, I've been wanting to do more for everyone else as well, literally everyone. I've asked a bit about intersex issues and am trying to learn more about what non-binary people who don't lean to one end or the other deal with as well, and I also want all my cis followers to feel just as comfortable and supported by me as well - and, of course, that all goes for other transfems as well, whose pain cuts me to the bone.

I'm radically pro-everyone, anon, and I want to help uplift them all without exception. I understand focusing on one's own lane, and I neither judge that nor am attempting to portray myself as a uniquely noble white knight. That's just what I personally choose to put my efforts towards.

[codenamesazanka]

I'm really excited about Mystery Person because if we want (some of) the issues of Hero Society to be addressed and not just by a vague text blurb that says "It Was Dealt With And Everyone Lived Happily Ever After," this is literally our last chance.

Mirio says in his speech that a Hero's battle is often about turning a 'minus' back into a zero. This is probably because Heroes, as First Responders of a sort, can really only react, and they're reacting to something going wrong - something deviating from the default, the 'zero'.

Something going wrong, something deviating from the default... like Villains. They're the 'minuses'. Heroes react to stop the Villains, to save as many people as they can from their rampage, and try bring it back to 'zero', where no lives were lost. And yet, nothing was gained. Devastation still happened. Especially, I think, for the Villain, who was turned into a 'minus' way before a Hero ever showed up.

Toga is a Villain. But she wasn't always. Once, she was living a normal, 'zero' life - and this life included quirk counseling where she got ironed out to be nice and 'normal'. It included her parents calling her inhuman, and her repressing herself and her feelings.

When she stabbed a classmate and went on the run, things became a 'minus'. When Ochako reached out to her and saved her heart... did that make things go back to zero? Ochako stopped her rampage, gave her relief from some of her pain, and even got Toga to donate blood to her, so in some ways, yes. But is returning to 'zero' any good for Toga? Because her zero was repression and abuse and ostracism - the problems that plague Hero Society; this zero was exactly what lead to her become a Villain. For Toga, things can't be a zero again. Things have to become a 'plus'.

And so we have Mystery Person.

Despite a vague similar look, the straitjacket they look like they're wearing is nothing at all like what Kurogiri was wearing - the part around the neck is completely different. Mystery Person's outfit collar is tighter, and tied up like a suture. It's not the standard straitjacket given to Tartarus prisoners (which are also onesies).

It is also not a prison uniform from Tartarus or Mikuzu - back, collars, and general form are different.

Neither is the mask/gag on their face - No similarity to the ones used in Tartarus, or by the police.

Nor is the rope that's tied around their arm something from Tartarus. Tartarus doesn't use rope. It uses straps; meanwhile, the police use some sort of plated restraints and metal handcuff-boxes.

Wherever they're escaping from, it's not a jail or facility (and not from a Ujiko clinic or orphanage), but a simple family house.

(@stillness-in-green notes that its fence-wall isn't covered with graffiti like Toga or Gentle's house, either, so no one is aware of a 'criminal' staying there.)

I think what this means is that someone went through great trouble of mimicking a Villain's imprisonment treatment on this person... but the person isn't actually a Villain. This person is not a 'minus'.

I think this person has been living in their version of 'zero', and it's long past time for Heroes to turn 'zeroes' like these into pluses.

[fairycosmos]

i was talking to a professional author the other day and she was talking about her experience with chronic pain— she said that chronic pain doesn’t help her writing, it’s actually the worst for her writing, and she writes despite it. and my boyfriend told me that it feels the same with grief— it’s not something that helps your writing/art. it’s something that informs it, yes, and it’s something that can be used as catharsis, but it’s not something that’s actually helpful to it, it just hurts. and, a lot of the people i know who write on (I’m a writer, so i know mostly writers) grief are starting to do so 10+ years after their losses. in the scheme of things, 3 years is still raw. please don’t feel like you have to be able to write your grief for it to mean something or make sense or anything like that. i do encourage you to write though, and to make art, despite it all. art and writing and music are like, essential, i think. i think they’re one of the nicer things you can do for your mind n soul. whether you write about your grief or around it or deliberately leave it out, please please please don’t give up on doing something creative just for you. you’re doing so so so well, btw, and I’m really proud of you!!!!! much love from this total stranger <3

that's a really insightful and cool way of looking at it, thank you so much for sharing it w me <3 i just feel like there's a lot of pressure even just in my own head for me to make something "good" of the grief but nothing good ever comes of it - it's just the hardest thing ive ever had to go through repeated every day. maybe in 10 years i can make more sense of it but right now i just don't even know how to begin translating it. I wish i could so i could make her immortal through that work, but i just cant. cant even bring myself to think about it all most days. but yeah i think i will always dabble in art writing etc even if it's not about the mourning, even if i never share it with anyone - like you said i think just the act of doing it helps you get by. again you are a total gem and thank you so much for this, it helped me put things in perspective a lot and it also feels nice to have someone thinking im actually doing well in any capacity 😭 i truly hope you are as kind to yourself as you are to me and please know im v proud of you too, just for making it day after day! sending so much love back ur way 💓 💗

[lavaablast]

My headcanons pt1 (because i self project on everything)

(my opinion remember this is all silly fun) (also i change my mind contantly so expect me to edit this post constantly)

Kai Smith:

the band aid on his eyebrow is there because he has an eyebrow piercing, and he wants to protect it from getting ripped in battle (also doesnt want a scolding from Wu hehe)

self harms but instead of c///ing he burns because well, obvious reasons (less likely to be found out too)

orthorexic, is obsessed with being in peak physical form

body dysmorphia. knows he looks good but doesnt know what he looks like

"if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldn't know how to be alive" or wtv mitski said

has an extensive skincare routine but if anyone asks him he'll just say he "washes his face with cold water"

anger issues, but like he can explode on the ninja too and then he immediately regrets it but its too late which leaves him with... ->

guilt. ALL THE TIME. its in the back of his head wherever he goes

sun aries, moon sagittarius. i wont back down on this (im a sun aries and moon sag)

claims he "doesnt care" but actually cares so much it hurts (especially about Nya/Lloyd he'd do anything for them you hear me ANYTHING)

has strong morals and ideals but will give them up in a second when needed for survival of himself or the ninja (people often see this as a bad thing but he just wants everyone to live no matter the cost)

ironically, can't handle spicy food and is ALWAYS made fun of it by the others

is reckless and takes stupid risks because he does not care for his body whatsoever (the others think he doesnt know whats at stake, he does, but doesnt care when it's just his own saftey he's risking)

lowkey a perfectionist, but has a different idea of perfect than others so they wouldnt know (aka he needs things/himself/stuff he makes to be perfect, but not perfect objectively, perfect to what he thinks is right)

loves his parents because they tried their best, but still resents them. he hates that he does, but he does

cried all of his tears out ONCE after Nyas "death" and didnt cry at all after that, instead taking so much on his plate that he didnt get a single chance to think about it again (it'd be too painul, this was easier) which lead to....->

his grief being put on hold; and only when Nya already was back did it come out and he had no idea why he was feeling this way so he didnt tell anyone (what would he have said, im in agony for no reason at all?) and it was HELL to do it alone

tied to the above; he couldn't ask for help if his life depended on it (literally)

loves too hard

hates too hard

BPD coded (i dont wanna diagnose him but,,, im justsayinnn *whistles while walking away suspiciously*)

trust issues, but lowk all the ninja have them because like,,, just look at what they have to deal w bro

commitment issues because freedom is the most important thing in the world (after Nya/Lloyd) so settling down or commiting to one thing too long feels like threatining his freedom

actually smart (both emotinally and intelligently) but doesnt use his brains capabilities that much

great memory but also shit memory (remembers a whole row of numbers for no reason but forgets he has to pick up lloyd from the arcade..)

hot. thats all i rest my case

loves himself but hates himself

everything and nothing at the same time, everything about him contradicts himself, but also doesnt, but also does

hes a really simple person, really. but also the most complex one youll ever meet.

hates labels, especially being labeled by others (for the reasons above)

likes men but hates labels so,, no labels (not even the label "unlabeled")

infact he has a deep hatred for the label 'unlabeled' because if something is unlabeled, then why are you LABELING IT

red. everything is red redredred RED he loves red

has sibling bracelets with nya and lloyd (kai has green & dark blue, lloyd red & dark blue, nya red and green)

everything has to be red except the things that are black and orange. i rest my case once again

drinks just a bit too much for it to be considered concerning (started at 14)

will yell and scream at anyone who tries to help him (why do they think he needs help? why are they babying him? why cant the see he is capable?)

wouldnt let nya touch a bottle until she was 18 (be thankful nya its for the best)

paints his nails black or red.

has a strand of hair dyed red all the time

perfect teeth even tho he often forgets to brush them (how? fuck do i know)

would be a hyena i he was an animal

hates smartphones so he has a.. push-button phone?? whatever they're called. and he also only has the nokia brand. wont change it for a thing

"hates technology" but couldnt live without video games

loves to try new things but will have a breakdown if he HAS to try new things

stubborn asf, wont ever do anything he doesnt want to, which...->

makes people think he's selfish, but actually he's quite the opposite

selfless in an unconventional way, i'll make a drawing explaining it

please understand what i mean with that chart because it explains it so well in my brain

thats it for now cfdsfdr

[willow-asin-winnie]

I am of the correct opinion that songs in languages other than English need more love and for that matter, let me introduce you to: My German Batfam Playlist Project!

And who do we start with? Jason! So here, enjoy the playlist and my elaborations, because I have thoughts and will not keep my mouth shut <333

Neue Probleme ("New Problems") by Crystal F:

Life takes it course, no matter if you're prepared or not. Nothing ever seems normal, you'll always wait for life to finally make sense. Sound familiar?

Notable lyrics: "I think too often that I am nothing and that I can do nothing, far removed from the man I wanted to be"; "If something good happens, it's the others."; "I'm still afraid they'll forget me"

Durch die Nacht ("Through the night") by Pavel Paloma:

This one, actually, is the robin-anthem and therefore, Jason has his part as well, maybe I'll translate the lyrics fully at some point (there's no official lyrics, so mhmm). Anyway, it's a story of someone literally running through the night with someone else, dancing through it, but something changes over the course of time.

Notable lyrics: "Now I'm running through the city alone, I'm running through the night alone"; "Now I need to see where I stand, it's half past three in the night, please don't come back, please let me to you"

Trophäe ("Trophy") by Paula Carolina:

Being betrayed by the one you loved, feeling you're just a trophy to them. The lyrics explain it better than I could, but it's so angry jason coded.

Notable lyrics: "No, no, I don't want to be your trophy, just one out of many"; "No, no, I won't be your trophy, why don't you hang the others on your wall?"; "Your network, it's always your network, will it save you once you're hurt?"; "Will you notice if I'm suddenly gone?"; "And sometime, once you're alone, in an empty room, sitting in front of your daughter, Maybe you'll think of me, how you forgot my birthday."

Hier raus ("Out of here") by Cédric L'amour:

You look towards the one that wronged you full of anger. You need to get out of there, before you do something you'll regret. Doesn't that sound like his anger towards not only Batman, but also Tim?

Notable lyrics: "The people scream your name and I don't understand the hype"; "I need to get out of here, just out, if I don't leave right now I can't promise anything"; "Why is nobody saying anything? Why is nobody appalled? But I have to accept it?"; "I will get my revenge"

Blut / Leben ("Blood / Life") by REPLEKA:

Basically what the song says is: As long as you would come save me, I can die tomorrow. How is that not Jason coded?

Notable lyrics: "You were what kept me alive"; "I can't see anything, it's foggy, just reflections of neon lights in your eyes"; "Your blood flows through my veins"; "I trusted you blind although you couldn't see"

Wand ("Wall") by Ennio:

This song screams desperation. You built your wall and you kinda want people to try and break it, but oh what if they succeed? Who even am I behind it? But life has to go on anyway, somehow.

Notable lyrics: "I built my wall, people look at it. Will someone come close and try to understand?"; "They say do what's right, but when you do it's not right."; "You're not in the mood [to argue and to mingle], decline the call, and down your drink."

Alles nur gelogen ("It's all a lie") by KAFFKIEZ:

I see this song as the transition period between him not wanting to go home and slowly warming up to the family again. It's rocky, it's all different, but what can you do?

Notable lyrics: "It's all a lie, nothing is as it once was"; "I'm never home, I promise too much [...], I'll be home for Christmas, maybe"; "Whatever I say, it's not fair, I can't be fair enough for us both right now"; "I'd say I miss you, but I'm scared what that means, so I just try to move on and forget who we once were"

Elektronisches Mädchen ("E-girl/Electronic girl", but in a very very literally translated sense.) by Punk Christ:

This one, I can't quite explain. It's actually about people desperately trying to be different from the others, but subsequently being just like everyone else. How is Batman commiting crimes in the name of justice okay, but not him? Notable lyrics: "You say you're punk, she says your emo, he says you're just an electronic girl"; "Just admit you're actually like everyone else"

Mein Spiegelbild (hasst mich) ("My mirror image (hates me)") by raumfisch, Liser:

Being very painfully aware of your own flaws, but struggling to do anything against them. Also, what even are the chances Jason never broke a mirror after meeting the others again?

Notable lyrics: "Even the cashier at the corner store knows my life is a lie"; "It's not bad to be alone, I'll just drink for two."; "I count the flaws of the reflection, thoughts swirling. The image laughs, because he knows better. I fall for it"; "No, I'm not hurt, I am fine on my own, even if the shards of my mirror tell a different story."

Warte, warte ("wait, wait") by Subway To Sally:

Jason in his revenge era. Just. Look at the lyrics and you'll get it.

Notable lyrics: "In the streets, on the markets, you hear it quiet then loud, there is a monster in the city"; "a few people disappeared, now the people live in fear"; "in the dark, the werewolf is waiting for you. Wait, wait just a little while, wait, just wait for him."; "Everything around us falls apart, and in midst of the flames sneaks the monster into the light, bites down on your throat, drinks your blood and wishes so much that they'll talk of him in even a hundred years"; "All wolves and vampires, all demons, are just this: Humans that hunt humans"

Mein Kopf ist eine Party ("My mind is a party") by Paula Engels:

A party as a metaphor for panic, basically. It fits. Trust me on this. I think the deeper reason I think it fits is because Jason's arcs don't make sense in my head without panic. The anger and fear after being resurrected, everything that happened after, the "replacement" thing.

There is underlying panic, once the rage is not present enough to distract him from it.

Notable lyrics: "My mind is a party, can't breathe. I haven't felt for too long how it feels to feel nothing."; "My mind is a party, don't want to be here. I'm alone and the room closes in. Is the party winning?"; "The room is too small, all their stares on me, suddenly everything is quiet. They smirk is wide, say: 'You can only lose'"; "And I ask myself 'Is this still normal?'"

deine mama mag mich nicht ("your mother doesn't like me") by Yunus:

Okay, so. This is a hypothetical, okay? It's a great song. In theory it's about the parents of your love disapproving of you. But just. Bear with me.

Notable lyrics: "your mother doesn't like me, she's afraid of losing you, although i was always so friendly to them"; "I stand in front of your family like a sacrifice, don't know if I can do it again."; "I feel their death stares on me, but they can forget me breaking up with you."; "If they knew I'll stay, they'd kick me out"; "I hold back, why don't I ignore it? Where does love start and where does it end?"

...Hear me out. Red Hood Jason as the narrator. With past Jason as the lover.

GUT<BESSER<ICH ("GOOD<BETTER<ME") by TJ_beastboy:

Jason high on confidence. What you can do, I can do better. Nothing else to add.

Notable lyrics: "Didn't you already know? It goes: Good, better, me."

CONCLUSION:

More people need to listen to German music and I will supply you with it. If you enjoyed my ramblings and subpar translation skills, make you check out the next playlists once I post them.

Also, if you enjoyed the songs, make sure to check out some of the artists other work! Some of them are still very small and it would mean the world to me (and probably them) if more people got to enjoy their music.

Also, here the link again, in case the one above doesn't work: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5HvMcE3IEO84vgqvNpr3d9?si=8376107780924f79

[xxlovelynovaxx]

This is the biggest bunch of bullshit we've ever seen, and the vast majority of us are lovequeer.

"How dare you loveless love repulsed freaks ruin it for all us lovequeers who still find some assimilation in expressing that actually we still feel love just not romantic love".

Yeah it's not as if some people actually don't feel love and are treated as monsters for it. It's not as if we are constantly told "love is what makes us human" and similar. It's not as if love is the standard to which we are held to see if we're worthy of being treated with basic human decency, compassion, and respect. /s /s /s /s /s

And for that matter, what about us aplatonics and afamilials? What about all the other anattractional people? What about those that face an intersection of aphobia and neuroableism? What about every single other person who is not queer for who they love - the Ts, the Is, the NBs, the GQs, the 2S - for that matter, to an extent even the polyamorous people because it's not about who we love exactly but how?!

You can fight for goddamned peace and no war without love. You can do it because it's the right thing to do. Love doesn't make you good, actions do. My abuser did what they did out of love. I care for most of my friends because it's the right thing to do, and because I feel good about myself if I make them happy.

"Love Can Win Without Me"?! How about you let loveless and romance repulsed and any other aros have one thing rejecting love for once before shoving their face under the toilet waters of "you have to support us even if we don't do the same for you" again and flushing?

Godsdamn, we're demigrey and FEEL love and this is some real kicking the ladder behind you assimilationist BULLSHIT. "Love" already won! Amatonormativity is a foundation of queer oppression, including that of non-aspec people, because it demands partnerships for procreative and nuclear-family-producing purposes! It'd actually be really nice if LIBERATION could win and love could just sit this fucking one out!

"Love Can Still Win Asshole" oh so now you're just straight up punching over at other aspec people. Real cute. /s

"We Win With Platonic Love" Oh and now just fully throwing loveless and aplatonic people under the bus, go fuck yourself.

How about "War Loses". How about "Hate Loses". How about "Oppression Loses". How about "Peace Wins". How about "Acceptance Wins". How about "Liberation Wins."

You don't need your bullshit fucking slogan about "love wins". Literally nothing about "love loses" is harming the community, you sound like a 2012 ace discourser. There's more than enough space for "love is love" and "love wins" anyway. You're taking all the air from the room to shout those slogans and leaving the rest of us gasping. No one even is taking them from you - they just don't want them to be the face of a pride that is for more than just LGBPs.

Also, love loses is not for you. It's for us. So we're not taking anything, but you damn sure are trying to. You don't have to personally like it, but you can damn sure shut up about your "ackshually love wins ennnnnyweyyyy" whining.

While we have loveless headmates, like I said, most of us are lovequeer. And we've criticized other community discourse before from both loveless and lovequeer people. But we'll join the loveless ones on this and shout from the rooftops:

Love Loses

(plaintext: love loses)

[justrainandcoffee]

“Have you ever fallen in love?” (Alfie Solomons x fem!oc)

Alfie x Rose Modern masterlist. || Classic masterlist

Summary: He's not used to be loved. She's not used to love. Rose believes, she knows, that's something wrong with her. Alfie is determined to prove her wrong. What she is only makes her feelings more valuable.

Warnings: LGBTQ+ themes. || Aromantism. || Modern!AU.|| A bit of angst and hurt/comfort.

Words: 1.6k || Based on this moodboard.

Alfie can see the love in her eyes, in her actions. He can see the way she smiles at him before kissing him or the way she's always touching a part of him, his hands, his beard or arms, like trying to be sure that he's real.

June 2020.

"What?" Alfie asks, looking at her before caressing her nose with one of his fingers. His girlfriend is next to him in bed. Rose is looking at him as well, so she smiles.

And it's scary and beautiful at the same time feeling that love. Alfie was used to be the one seeking affection, he still is, only that this time is reciprocal.

Tommy was always colder. Alfie was the one initiating the affection. It doesn't mean that Tommy never sought comfort in Alfie because that wasn't true. In those three years they were together, Tommy always found comfort in him after a tough day. But statistically speaking, the seeker was Alfie.

It's beautiful because he can see that she loves him. And it's scary because that's something new for him. He's not used to be loved.

"Nothing," she replies, before snuggling up against his chest.

What Alfie doesn't know is that for her is scarier than it is for him. Because Rose really never loved the way she loves him.

.

She always felt that there was something wrong with her. When she was a teen girl and she and her friends started dating, they were always talking about how much they loved their partners and Rose only smiled and agreed. But it wasn't true. She cared about her first boyfriend, he was a good guy and also a good classmate. They met when both were 17 and Lucian loved her but…

Countless nights after they broke up, she felt like a bitch. It was her fault, clearly, her mind said.

When she finished school and started to study fashion design, during those years she met a couple of men, but it wasn't serious.

In 2010, when Rose was 22, she met James Thorn two years older than her. There and only there, everything felt different.

James was photographer and she saw him for the first time when he was taking pictures to a model posing with a dress made by her. A smile here, a smile there ended with him inviting her to a bar.

Rose never knew why with James everything felt different but it was. Months after that first date she found herself thinking about him like she never thought about anyone else before. The idea of spending time with him even if it was just for drink a coffee caused her to smile stupidly. She loved the way he called her "Sita" a short for "Rosita". Rose loved the way he made her feel. James was the first one to whom Rose said a sincere "I love you."

But when that love was tested, it failed.

It was over two years later, when her mother received an offer to work in New York. Working and living there it was going to be beneficial for her and her youngest son. She offered Rose the chance to go with her. New York could give her more opportunities and she knew she was good doing her job so she'd success. But James could never accept to move to another country. He had a good job there in London. So for the first time she had to make a difficult choice: it was him or it was her family and her future.

The second option, painful as it was, won the battle.

.

"Do you think some people is broken, Al?" she asks when she stops thinking about her past for a moment. Rose leaves her spot on his chest to look at him again.

"It depends, luv. Some people are broken, yes but no one of them was born broken. "

"Sometimes I think I was born broken."

"But it's not true."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

"Have you ever fallen in love?" she asks.

"Yes. You know, I told you. I promised myself not to feel that again after what happened with Tommy and then you appeared. And life, and you, give me another chance."

"And before him?"

"Yes. Not so important but I did love them. You don't?" Alfie wants to know. She remains in silence.

.

"I thought you loved me, Rose."

"I do love you, James. But I love my family too and it's a good opportunity for her in America and for me too."

"That's it, then."

"Jamie, you still can come with me. That talk we had months ago…"

Both James and Rose had a conversation about their future. He was 26 and she was 24 when they talked about living together. It was a huge step but both of them agreed that they were ready to do it.

"No, I can't. Sita, I'm not going to stopped you because I know that even if I try, you're going to follow your instincts. You're that kind of person and I love you for that. I can't go with you, babe. I can't. This is my place, but if you decide that you want to return, I'm here."

People around them used to joke with them because of her name, Rose, and his last name, Thorn. Technically there's no roses without thorns. They seemed destined to be. But it happens that when the rose dies, only the thorns remain. And something similar happened here: Rose flew far away and Thorn stayed there.

.

"There's something wrong with me," she says "so don't ask me if I loved before because I don't know. I tend to ruin every relationship I'm in."

Alfie narrows his eyes "shit happens, luv, but I don't think it's your fault. Relationships not always work. I'm the one to blame for breaking up with some of my partners, too and…"

"But you did love them! I don't! I tried, so hard! I cried a lot of nights, thinking why! If they were good guys, then why I didn't love them, Alfie! I only succeeded once and yet, I ruined too when I went to New York. And it terrifies me that can happen again but this time with you. I love you. I love you the way normal people talk about love and maybe more… and I… if I lose you-"

"You're not going to lose me. I'm not going to let that happen, sweetheart," Alfie pushes her against his body and she hides her head on his neck. His fingers caresses her scalp softly. "You need to hear me now, Rosie. Because I'm starting to understand what's going on. You're not broken, luv. You, like me, are built different from what society expect from people. So, let me ask you: Did you hear about aromantic people?"

"A bit, maybe, in media."

"Mmm, okay, let me-" Alfie stretches his left arm to grab his phone and quickly he Googles something. The man offers his device to her. "Tell me if this is how you feel or felt in the past."

For the first in her life she reads the word "demiromantic". At her 32 years old Rose understands that she was never broken or anormal. She was simply different.

"That's me," she says reading the article for third time "that's me. Oh god… there's nothing wrong with me, then?"

Alfie smiles at her before wiping her tears away "No, Rosie. You're perfect."

"I love you. I really do."

"I know and now, knowing this," he says tapping the phoned where the article is still open "that makes your love even more valuable because you're not giving it to random people but truly to the person you really love. And Rosie, I don't know if I deserve it."

"You do."

"Look at us," he says kissing her forehead briefly "we're the stupid who promised himself not to fall in love again and the one who thought that was too broken to love. How wrong can a person be?"

Her answer is to kiss him until the clothes start to be a nuisance.

She did love James. A lot. But it didn't work. Would it have worked if she had stayed? Impossible to know. Same way it's impossible to know if his relationship with Tommy would've worked if he had given his ex that second chance.

Only one thing it's true: That afternoon while rain starts to fall all over London, inside that empty Inn, Alfie and Rose love at each other. And deep down inside them, they know it's working. And they know it'll work out in the future, too.

It's scary, yes. But also beautiful. And as far as they know that's what love is made of.