#but also. if my gender is ever so vaguely girl. does that mean I'm still lesbian(-ish) if i like those with a similar gender to my own?

[bluespiritshonour]

Somethings I noticed:

Katara, Suki and Azula are the only ones who haven't ever expressed any sort of misogynistic sentiment.

Aang would come a close second with minor mishaps here and there.

First, the girls:

Ty Lee, while fighting the Kyoshi Warriors: you're not prettier than we are.

Girl, where did that come from?

Mai has several instances of this when she says the Kyoshi Warriors’ uniforms are too girly (I don't mind her not liking how colourful they are; that's totally different) and later lowkey slut-shaming Ty Lee. And while she's rightfully unimpressed with Zuko's seashell (she's right Zuko, step-up your game) she could easily have countered his “Don't girls like these stuff?” the way Suki did with Sokka’s ideas about gendered generalisation. Also, you must have noticed that Mai's feminine too. She's just dark feminine to Ty Lee's light feminine.

Toph: she has absorbed a lot of toxic masculinity that's for sure. She isn't feminine, she light-heartedly teases Katara for being feminine and Aang too. She does give off the “one of the guys” vibes. You know which ones I'm talking about. “Are we going to watch two little girls fighting?” and later mocking Aang for his passivity.

But it is to be noted that Toph manages to do this without being racist to Aang. She's the one who mocks him the most about his pacifist beliefs (which are cultural to him) and she's kinda misogynistic the way she goes about it. But she's never racist to him. (I guess she is in the comics but fuck the comics). Even when Aang was really really nasty to her when Appa was stolen and she had every right to be mad at him—she wasn't. Given her age and her sheltered upbringing Toph's surprisingly mature. But I digress. Among the comics, I love the Lost Adventures only—and I love the spa day Katara and Toph have both in those comics and in the show. It feels like Toph's healing from that internalised misogyny? My reading of it is that just like girls in real world, Toph derides femininity because it has always been a chain to her. Her parents forced her to confirm so she hates it. But being friends with Katara probably let her heal that part of her. She's still not as feminine as Katara and mind you, nor should she be—let some girls never want to be feminine—it’s fine. But she learns to not to act out of a place of hurt.

Sokka: Sokka's misogyny was literally a plot point and he overcomes it. Also he and Aang have actually done drag and not been mocked for it. It's rare to see in media. The only other example I can think of is Good Omens.

His misogyny also feels kinda surface level (as opposed to Zuko in whom it's less obvious but seems more deeply ingrained).

Also. Zuko never did drag. Shame on him.

Aang: is the least misogynistic of the boys. The only instances I can think of are either kinda vague: when he tells Sokka that “It's nice dress!” It's kinda ambiguous if his tone was mocking or complimentary but it upsets Sokka nonetheless. And when he's upset at being played by a woman in Ember Island Players. The first time I watched it I felt it was OOC. But he was also kind of justified as it was racism and misogyny combined on behalf of the Fire Nation in portraying him that way.

Phew. These were purely my own opinions simply by the virtue of gender expression meaning different things to different people. I might say Mai is actually quite feminine while Toph isn't... But what even is considered masculine or feminine?

I love Katara and Toph's spa day because Toph learns that being girly wouldn't kill her—but she also doesn't suddenly become Ty Lee levels of feminine either. Some women just don't wanna be feminine. Oftentimes it's because femininity is derided by society itself—and that's something that one needs to heal from, like Toph did with Katara’s friendship—but everytime I've seen a story like that, the girl, upon realising that femininity isn't a bad thing is suddenly hyper-feminine.

Like, can we have them heal from internalised misogyny and still not wanna be feminine—even though they don't consider it bad or embarassing or fickle anymore?

Toph and Katara’s spa days do it perfectly.

When those girls mock Toph and Katara tells her she's pretty, I can't tell you much I loved it. The same feelings toward Suki’s “I am a warrior, but I'm a girl too.”

[greeen-bean]

Trans!Nick Nelson headcanons

He came out/started transitioning quite young, like 7/8 (like jimmy)

His mum was always really supportive and would help him and fight for him

David not so much :/ he would tease him and make "jokes" about it like he does with the bisexuality

and his dad doesn't get it either but sort of goes along with it because he's never there anyway

Both of them definitely give him some toxic masculinity mind set

He has to be big and strong and not emotional etc etc etc

His mum fought for him to get into the boys school

I could imagine him spending a year or so at Higgs maybe before transferring but it doesn't work with my other thoughts on this so let's put a pin in that

He would love playing rugby and as he got older would work more on bulking himself up and getting more muscular to try and hide his more feminine features

At school nobody knows he's trans (other than the teachers and stuff), he looks masculine enough and had been socially living as a boy for so long nobody really notices

(Also are age 11 everyone kinda looks the same and after that kids just go with things)

He's on the rugby team but because of stupid rules of boys and girls playing against each other he isn't actually allowed to play any matches

ACTUALLY I've just looked it up and apparently "In exceptional circumstances, a player over 12 years of age may play on a mixed gender team where no other option in continuing to play Rugby exists." (<- from the World Rugby website, there's more info about it there)

More on that, from what I'm gathering, that is allowed up until age 15, so not really applicable to heartstopper era nick but my point stands

He's on the team, probably still captain/on his way to being captain, but doesn't play matches

Back to regularly scheduled programing

He also gets changed ina separate room

He brushes all of this off with a vague "medical reasons" explanations

Coach Singh is him BIGGEST supporter

She is ride or die for him

If ever anyone makes a comment about anything regarding Nick Nelson she is ON THEM

2 laps round the pitch

3 laps

Anything to get people to stfu because she gets him

He's kinda paranoid about people finding out he's trans and of being thought of as a girl (definitely David's fault)

I can imagine him getting really stressed when he hears about this gay kid being bullied aswell in a like "what would they do to/think of me if they all knew the truth" so he keeps his head down

Same when Elle comes out, he doesn't know her that well and knows he should say something to Harry and everyone but he can't get himself to (more on Elle later)

When he starts hanging round Charlie it's kinda the first time he's being confronted with queerness that isn't his own

He is stuck in this constant loop of "I can't like him because I'm straight and that means I like girls and not boys" and "if I like him does that mean I'm gay? And arnt gay boys usually more feminine? I can't be feminine" and "if I like a boy that's just the same as me being a girl" and "even if I did like him which i definitely do not if Charlie knew the truth he wouldn't like me back because he is gay and likes men and I wouldn't be that"

They do get together tho like they do in the comics and it's fine except Nick hasn't told Charlie that he's trans and can't get himself to, and he feels crazy guilty about it

When Charlie introduces Nick to Elle he is kinda scared of her

In the sense that, he felt so guilty about what happened to her and how he did nothing

But also he's scared she'll figure him out

When Charlie starts talking about Tao and Elle liking each other nick gets confused

Tao is straight and knows Elle is trans so... how is he okay with that?????

Nick starts asking Charlie all these questions about Elle and her transition and her relationship woth Tao

And its not a fight but they have a small disagreement about it

"I get that you're interested but these things you're asking are not your business and they are different not mine to share with you. If you want to know something about Elle then you need to ask her yourself, if she doesn't wanna tell you then drop it"

So nick goes to Elle himself... after building up the courage to do so

He's perfectly respectful and all but Elle understandably gets cagey to begin with

Last thing she needs rn is some rugby lad sticking his nose in somewhere

But she soon catches on that there is something else going, she just doesn't know what

Whist Nick is going through the stages of for the first time ever having someone understand how he feels

He comes out to her

"I'm... I was... um... I'm also... trangender 😶"

And at first Elle thinks he means mtf, and trys to be supportive of that

"No no no... like... I was born um a girl... so the other way"

"Oh. Oh!"

"You're actually the first person I've told about that haha"

And they talk about it, talk about nicks experience and how it's different to Elle and how its the same as elles and how shitty people can be and how wonderful people can be and about how

Also he apologies to her for not saying anything back when she was at truham

She doesn't think it's needed but appreciates it nonetheless

She asks about him not telling anyone else and specifically about Charlie not know

He tells her what he's so scared off and insecure about

"This isn't about Charlie, nick, he doesn't need to know until you're ready to talk about it. Or ever, maybe, if that's how you want you relationship to go."

"Yeah :/"

"And take it from someone who knows Charlie and has known Charlie, he'll be okay with it"

"Yeah :) anyway what about Tao?????c

"Stfu"

And Nick does tell Charlie. But I couldn't tell you how cuz after the conversation with Elle my mind stops thinking so :) i guess we (and Charlie) will never know

[sadlittleratboy]

I once said Tomura vaguely had she/they vibes to me on tiktok, back when I had one, and people ate me alive bc I listed his hair as a reason (and also bc I continued forward with using he/him pronouns throughout the video and I'm like...but that's the canon and I'm talking about something theoretical that I don't necessarily have a hard hc of, they/them Dabi is a different story lol) and people were like "thinking femininity is tied to long hair is transphobic and misogynist and blah blah" and it's like no you completely missed my point.

Firstly, I know that, because back when I was a girl and embracing my femininity in ways that I won't now that I identify as more masculine, I had short hair. I always had short hair. Androgynous girls with short hair lead me to the conclusion of being nonbinary.

Secondly it's not about the hair length, it's about the hair STYLE. Every transfem I've ever met started with that style or similar when it grew out. It's cute, it's fun, they're playing with long hair for the first time or even just in a new context.

It's also just about the general vibe. I listed elegance as a reason too, just the way he moves, but nobody considered how he's also so NOT elegant sometimes. It's the type of elegance he has, because there are so many different types. It's also int he way his so expressive. He shows so much on his face, which men tend to do in manga but it just feels different with Shigaraki. Again, I'm going on vibes.

Also being a nonbinary girl suits him because he'd be a total girlfailure, a loser girl, and I love that. Every transfem I knew was also a massive nerd. Most importantly I don't see him performing femininity in a traditional way. He is performing femininity by identifying as feminine and performing. He wouldn't change how he dresses or talks, he would simply realize that his identity isn't quite what he thought and run with it, because that's the kind of person he is. All those masculine codes brash actions like putting his feet up on overhaul's table to show dominance, and using ore, none of those things NEED to change because gender is so complex and that's FUN.

Again. This is mostly off vibes. I know a lot of people that think it/it's or other neopronouns suit him, and I can see that, especially with the way he dehumanizes himself (and with his stinky rat behavior, something a lot of nonbinary people, myself included, identify with), but that element actually makes me personally stray from that hc. Shigaraki dehumanizes himself in a negative way, and I think that's not good for him. Of course an argument can be made for that being the call all trans people have to be vaguely inhuman and monstrous in ways that only we really understand, so I don't think it's a bad hc at all.

I mean honestly he reads trans masc just as much. A lot of the league reads kind of trans because we tend to see ourselves in weird little outcasts. It's just a vibe a get from him. A lot of the she/theys I've met just also kind of have this "fuck gender and expectations, I'm doing my own thing over here".

Also there is of course the constant of Shigaraki chosing how he identifies himself and defying the expectations other people have placed on those identities. He's Shigaraki because he is, not because of AFO. That's his villain name because he connects to it. Despite all that he constantly gets deadnamed too. It's just...the vibes, the ability for anyone to read into anything what they want because their own experiences and it will fit because fiction is flexible (and even when it doesn't, does it matter?).

Anyway, his vibes, his masculine features and mannerisms along with the feminine ones and the feeling of being feminine even without having to conform to it (much like Magne did, and lots of people read her design as transphobic but tiger was literally there performing as a full transitioned man still comfortable with his feminine side, and it's like...all the trans women I know don't bother to shave and wear masculine clothes either occasionally or always even after starting hrt). It's finding a home within yourself as you slot the missing pieces into place and realize you find joy in different pronouns because they better describe you. Every trans person has their own wild ass journey and uses different ways to describe themselves with different things that bother them or don't and I think trans hc are fun for that very reason.

[izzyspussy]

First time Jamie realizes he’s a girl soemtimes, go

Oh, I be cycling through ideas on this constantly, most of them almost entirely incoherent lmao. I'll slap together a Top Current 3 for ya right quick.

1. As A Child

I mean like a wee bairn. Like Phoebe's age. This is also pre- James "coming around" so it fully starts out as one of those feel good fluff pieces of yeah I always knew my parents did everything right I transitioned in kindergarten and all the neighbors applauded. You know. In this version, Jamie/Georgie picked the gender neutral nickname on purpose.

This one continues to not be an angst fest even when James does start coming around. Homophobia and transphobia go hand in hand with misogyny, so I'm certain James is those too. However he's also arrogant and careless, and if you add on substance abuse probably not very present.

So, for this one I'm saying James just... never knows lmfao. Jamie just fully consciously is like That's None of His Business and it's almost laughably easy to keep it from him, with very little distress on Jamie's part. Did you ever see ND Stevenson describe that being closeted was (for a while) like having a fun secret and every time someone used his assigned pronouns he felt like he was getting away with something? Like that.

Later, it doesn't so much feel like that for Jamie anymore just because as an adult and then especially as a famous adult he has to keep it on the down low much more extensively, somewhat in order to continue keeping it from James and somewhat to avoid the whole Circus due to the fame part (and also probably he has some vague worries about if he'd still be allowed to play in a men's sports league). It starts to feel a lot more like a closet that way.

But! That doesn't last very long either because James gets seen off after Wembley because fuck him and a yearlong streak of no contact is something to celebrate 🩷 + things went pretty great for Colin + fuck the haters + his environment is truly so full of love and support now it's back to the same level it was in the Before James times so it's easy all over again. He always knew and he transitioned in kindergarten and then he transitioned again at 25 and the football club applauded, etc.

2. Dating Keeley (the First Time)

The way Jamie in canon describes his relationship with Keeley, she was the first domino for him and Ted came second. She saw an even greater Jamie inside an already great Jamie, she made him cultured, she took him to plays and shit, and she taught him to stop getting in his own way as much.

And as per my interpretation, she also taught him at statistically significant amount about intimacy and sex. So... why not also gender?

His egg cracks in a totally mundane moment of non-sexual intimacy with Keeley at Keeley's house, maybe snuggled up on her couch with her furry pillows, maybe watching TV or maybe painting each other's nails or maybe she's reading to him or he's trying to make her laugh.

I think in this version he doesn't really officially Come Out to anybody. He just... starts being a girl sometimes. He's comfortable with his name and he's as comfortable with 'he' as he is with 'she' and that doesn't really change circumstantially. So he just sort of starts gradually incorporating whatever gender affirming stuff he likes into his daily life (both as a man and as a woman and as someone who has no strong feelings on the gender aspect but loves the performance, as relevant). It's literally just. A complete non-issue, once Jamie himself decides he's chill about it, which again happens pretty quickly after James shuffles off this narrative coil because Jamie is resilient and brave and proud and sucks up supportiveness like a sponge.

Roy, Keeley, and Georgie (and by extension Phoebe, Rebecca, and Simon) eventually kind of pick up on it just from being around Jamie so much and seeing him interact with femininity enough that they can't help but notice that it Fits him. Maybe one of them calls him a girl or uses 'she' for him as a joke (i.e. like "girls, you're both pretty" from Roy when Jamie and Keeley are bickering or something like that) and see the way it makes him glow. But he hasn't asked for anything in particular, and he doesn't seem like he's hiding anything, you know he doesn't seem to have that ache like Colin talked about, so... unless he tells them otherwise they just mix in the new pronouns and carry on.

3. When Everyone Points Their Gaydars at Him (LMAO)

This is literally just. alsfjkasfkks. "Someone else in this room is probably gay," and they all look at him, and just instantly POP oh shit there's a reason for that huh? Damn. Anyway, we don't have time for that halftime's almost over. Also that's one of those things where if you realize it that suddenly, either you blurt it out without ever thinking the words you say or else you don't and still don't think any words. His whole entire self is like okay. More on that later.

In this version, he does Come Out. He's not really nervous about it because, again, This Kind Of Thing already went great for Colin + support sponge. And also because it's funny, innit. I love in-jokes, I'm about to make one.

No one is surprised, in this version. They all have basically the same experience as Jamie had when his egg cracked. Oh yeah, that's what that was. Oh, also! The team together like mad-libs together a Frankensteinish approximation of Ted's "we don't not care" speech that no one who wasn't there would be able to comprehend a lick of (RIP Isaac and Roy).

Once again I do not know how to end the post. Thank you for the ask.

[bitegore]

“what is a "gender", I am a car”

for the wip ask game?

okay so that wip is my fic where I take a human anthropologist and throw them at the various Decepticon combiner teams as a device to analyze shape-as-gender through the lens of a whole bunch of aliens who don't really grok human gender but sure do have their own social roles as defined by the way they're shaped, in ways that some like and find comfortable more than others. Which makes it sound, like, deep, or like I have a point to make, but actually it is also just a stupid shitpost running on women-and-gender-studies software.

The structure I got is pretty simple, too, it's four vignettes (four teams) with a set of five interludes in between. The human anthropologist is a graduate student in the newly-created branch of the humanities labeled something along the line of Human-Alien Sociology, and she's here to ask why there's no girl Decepticons. She gets to get onto the Nemesis to have a free pass to interview Decepticons because Megatron is trying to woo the physics branch at her college so he can steal their hadron collider for Schemes.

quite a bit more below the cut :D

(Interlude 1 is the intro: the Human is here to interview your team for an experiment! Let me know when that's a good time :D this interview is just answering questions (cue an audible sigh of relief from Scrapper, who is used to Shockwave's style of experimentation) and it shouldn't take too long :D. scrapper says come back later because we're busy. human is like aight and goes to bother someone else)

First the Stunticons are up, because they're a bunch of idiots who don't have any work they're trusted to do and who also know jack shit about Cybertronian gender (not built on Cybertron) and who comparatively know the most about human gender (they watch TV sometimes; i did not say a lot). Featuring: arguments over which pronoun is "the cool one, for cool people", featuring different definitions of "cool", and Racecar And Woman Is The Same Gender, I Know Because I Watched Fast And Furious

(interlude 2: "hey advisor, it's me, I need some uh... advice. Um. The Decepticons don't have women. No, not like they left them back on their homeworld, I think they have... yeah I. Let me fax you my notes, I don't think they know what a woman is. ........Yeah I don't know what to do with this. I'm still here so I'm going to finish the interviews but-- what do you mean, it can't be that bad? I'm writing a paper about feminism in the Decepticon Army, and if they don't have-- look, just read the papers when I send them to you. They had an argument about which pronoun eats the other ones. I don't know what to do with this. Thanks, bye, talk to you later")

Then the Combaticons, whose collective gender is "military" and who don't care to explain that much, with a side of "hey human. this isn't technically against the rules to tell you. have you ever heard of loyalty coding. hey. we're bringing this up for no particular reason. make sure you put it in your paper. what does it have to do with us? uh :| haha, nothing :| hail megatron". The human anthropologist finds them very frustrating because they are really not that interested in explaining how their job is their shape is their identity and their current shapes are NOT the ones they're used to (see: g1 combaticon intro episode, Onslaught's line, "why are we in these crude corpses" and Blast Off's "I wouldn't want to be seen by anyone I know in this getup", the premise doesn't like that much), so they keep changing the subject, and their answers are really vague anyway because they keep expecting the human anthropologist to Get It and she absolutely one hundred thousand percent does not.

(I have to put something here but I still haven't decided what. Maybe just Anthropologist calling a friend back in the US going "hey, can you do me a solid? You got a line to the Autobots, right? as part of your exchange program? Yeah I'm having a weird one and I'm not sure what to make of it, can you get them to define some terms for me?")

Then the Terrorcons, who are barely cooperative at first because they're not really that interested in Megatron's approval and don't care that much about the project, but who also are full-fledged Cybertronians who nonetheless have a sort of different cultural and social role than the others, being not just combiner team members but also guys who turn into animal-looking things instead of vehicles. The vast majority of them are Not Even A Little Bit Interested but Hun-grr, Sinnertwin and after a little while of discussion Rippersnapper are willing to actually have one-third of a productive conversation. Human anthropologist has to tell them to stop making cracks about eating her first, though.

(interlude: phone call from Scrapper: "Yes you can come talk to us now." Hang up. Phone call from Soundwave, 'research coordinator': "why are you on the ship. What on earth are you up to." VERY HURRIEDLY hang up. Phone call from advisor, who was called by Soundwave. "DId you tell them you were in the sciences?" "THE SOCIAL SCIENCES!" "oh honey no they don't know what that means. you should probably leave" "but i just got the go-ahead to talk to the last group" ".......girl, you are going to get killed in real life, you are going to get seriously injured" "no i'm not the maneating space dinosaurs said they really liked me and Sinnertwin is walking alongside me as we speak" "............well, uh... Good luck I guess. You can't do any research if you die, so try not to do that.")

Finally the Constructicons, who are normal ass Cybertronian people, do an interview. They explain some misconceptions the anthropologist has picked up and are very confused as to why this is the experiment but perfectly happy to talk. Weirdly happy to talk, actually. Everyone but Hook is like really excited for some reason, and they keep stealing glances at this sourpuss surgeon in the back and then using him as examples in their descriptions of simple and basic things about Cybertronian gender. This is because Scrapper only agreed because he's frustrated with Hook and knows Hook is going to be pissed about wasting this much time on something this stupid and it's funny to everyone else because they all get along fine but it's still fun when Hook is being a bit of a prat to be a bit of an asshole back. This one is minimally bullshit compared to the others but the joke is largely in the form of:

then of course the final interlude is the human anthropologist taking their complete array of notes to their advisor. who looks through the approximately 40 pages of hastily-scribbled notes about Cybertronian gender conception, at least half of which is transcribed arguments between two idiots who dont know what "she-her pronouns" actually denotes and is trying to figure it out. The advisor is like [strained smile] yeah our department is women's studies. Uh. Yeah I know you're doing an inter-departmental thing but please take this to someone else. This is like. This is not our business. Maybe take this down the hall to the guy who does that newfangled "queer studies" thing in hir free time, I don't know what to do with this". end scene.

all this because i think "attack helicopter" could be a coherent gender for a robot that turns into an attack helicopter. and i wanted to make a shitty transphobic joke about the robots in the kind of way that would piss off every homophobic transformers redditor bro and tf2005 guy at once

[hadenclairee]

"I think you're going to hell but I love and support you"

This is gonna be rambly, mainly because I just wanna get these thoughts out before I finish my coffee, and because I currently don't have a therapist, so you're just getting the raw thoughts:

I simultaneously admire, respect, and feel pity for my mom.

When I first tried to come out, she thought I was telling her that I was gay. She told me, with tears in her eyes as she pulled me in for a deep hug, "I love you, and you know how I believe and that I think you're going to hell, but I love you so much, and will always be here for you"

When I actually came out and told her I was transitioning, I told her that I knew she'd have big feelings about it and I'd give her space to process. Weeks later, when we finally talked about it, she said what I feared most: that she was "grieving" her son. But then she told me that she respected me and wanted to keep her "grieving" to herself and process it without dragging me down, so I gave her space for a little longer.

And she also said she still thought I was going to hell, but that she loved and supported me.

I worried about what "support" meant. She still didn't use my pronouns at the time, but I noticed she'd avoid using any pronouns at all for me, especially around my (very transphobic) dad.

She did, however, give me some things for my hair when I started growing it out, and advice. She did, however, buy me a very lovely (and flattering, feminine-looking) cardigan. She did, however, take me on an impromptu shopping trip one day -- a swing through Walmart to grab some things on the way back from my niece's volleyball game, and a detour to Walmart's makeup section.

She did, several times, acknowledge that I'm "becoming a woman" and refer to my sister and I as "the girls".

When I found out I'd been put on the schedule for a bottom surgery consult with my #1 choice of surgeon, I asked her if she wanted to go NYC with me for the appointment, and also be my caregiver through the process. She said yes. In NYC, now that I'm finally starting to pass, almost everyone we encountered treated us (my mom, my sister, and I) like any other group of women. We got greeted with "Ladies!" more than once. I got to hear my mom use my pronouns and refer to me as her daughter for the first time, and then the entire time we were up there.

But once we were back, the next time I was at their house, as Dad did his usual thing (of only acknowledging me as "son" and rolling his eyes when I refuse to respond to that), Mom went back to either misgendering me or not gendering me. And at the end of the night, as I got ready to go home, she pulled me into a hug and quietly apologized and said she'd try to get it right.

The other day, a transphobic relative messaged me on Facebook with exactly what you'd expect: A rambling message about how I'm going against God's design for my life, and am disappointing both him and my parents, and ending with a note about how they're praying for me. I mentioned it to Mom, and she asked to see the message, and then said "you know, I agree with them, but you are an independent person who can make your own choices. Just know that in my belief system, those choices mean you're going to hell, and I do pray for you every day. But I love you and I'm going to support you no matter what."

As I drove home, she texted me to say that she definitely didn't mean any offense and that she really does love me, and want me to be happy, and that she'd do her best to keep her beliefs regarding me going to hell to herself.

Yesterday, at our extended family's Easter get-together, I showed up dressed and presenting more explicitly femme than ever. Nobody in our extended family (almost all Pentecostal Christians) really made any effort to interact with me. My dad, a Pentecostal preacher who's basically made a point of never talking to me about my transition, but begging relatives to pray for me behind the scenes and constantly vague-posting about the prodigal son on Facebook, was there and blessed the food but didn't speak to me at all.

But my mom? She came right up to me and hugged me and told me she was glad to see me. She said my hair looked lovely. She asked about the dessert I'd brought. When I left, she kissed me on the cheek in front of the other relatives and told me to drive safe and text her when I got home.

And today, I come across a post from Abraham Piper, who talks about how everyone feels bad for kids in fundie families, but nobody really feels bad for the parents. The parents, who are thoroughly convinced that their child is doomed to eternal torment for not sharing their beliefs. The parents, who also believe they'll face eternal torment if they don't continue holding those beliefs. The parents, who are every bit as indoctrinated to those beliefs as I almost was.

And it's just striking to me, that my mom really, sincerely believes I'm going to hell - not even for sin (we've discussed it, and she's not sure if she sees transitioning as a sin) but for not believing in the same things she does. But yet, other than a couple of slips that she's genuinely apologized for, she doesn't try to hang that over me or use it to guilt me. She tries her best to support me in ways that matter to me, even though her husband (again, a fundie preacher) doesn't agree with her and there's starting to be obvious tension between them.

I wonder about her Christianity. I know she was taught the same things I was taught growing up, about the KJV being the word of God, and being wholly and completely literal, and that she was a taught a theology where Hell was central.

I think I should tell her about the journey I'm going through. The last update she ever got on my religious beliefs was in high school, when I pronounced that God wasn't real, and that I was an atheist.

Would it heal her heart to know that I'm now - more than a decade after I left church and Christianity behind - deconstructing the faith I was taught growing up, and falling back in love with Christ and learning how to be a Christian in a wholly different way. Would it help her to know that I have a relationship with Christ that doesn't involve a belief in Hell at all?

Or would she see this as heresy, and dig in further to her taught beliefs?

I don't know. Maybe I could hope for her to be on the way to deconstruction? But it must be so hard for her. And I have to try so hard not to be wounded by her beliefs when, if not for a few circumstances, I'd probably hold the exact same beliefs, even when they hurt me. She clearly hurts so much from her beliefs. Can you imagine believing that your daughter is going to burn for eternity, but also that you needed to respect and honor her boundaries, and also supporting her transition fully, all while you have a Pentecostal preacher for a husband?

I love her so much, and I hope she can be free from Hellfire theology and doctrine eventually because she deserves to be liberated.

We all do, and I think that's what Easter is all about. Christ liberating us all from the threat of hell - regardless of who we are, what we've done, or what we believe.

[lindwurmkai]

That comic about gender stereotypes reminded me of a post I've been meaning to make.

I don't really know what my current gender is or what gender I'm going to end up being eventually, but one thing I definitely need to work on just to have a chance of actually figuring that out is getting over all the ideas about what men "can't do" or "can't feel" or "can't be" that I have unfortunately internalised over the course of my life.

The infantilisation of autistic traits plays a big part in this, too. I keep doing things like moving a certain way, expressing excitement a certain way, or even just feeling a certain way internally and then getting hit with an instant wave of "see, you can't be a man because no man on earth ever does this" (citation needed)

But it doesn't work in reverse. If I ever do see a man acting that way, I don't stop thinking of him as a man, I just think he's delightful. So I've been slowly building up a little collection of characters and real people who function as ... not exactly role models, but as examples of how to be a man in a different way so that my brain can integrate that in its idea of what A Man is.

Lately I have started doing this thing where I immediately counter the awful "a man would never be like this" feeling by imagining one of these characters or real people doing exactly the same thing as I just did, and it almost always works. It doesn't feel so wrong anymore when it's them. I've already seen them act similarly before and it was fine, so what's the problem?

This strategy still falls short during moments of what I will call intense autistic distress. You just don't see that in the media often, except in children. I don't know if that has anything to do with why it makes me feel like a child, too, or if there's a different reason for that. I suspect that the distress itself (usually sensory overload) also forces me into a very authentic, "unmodified" state that feels familiar from when I was literally a child and hadn't started masking yet.

So my brain goes, "You are clearly a child. A mostly genderless, but sometimes vaguely girl-flavoured child. No other type of person could possibly feel this way" and then I get gender dysphoria on top of everything else 🤦🏻‍♂️

It's absolutely necessary for me to understand that men, specifically, can also have these experiences. Even if I don't turn out to be a man in the end, that's the part I'm stuck on. Perhaps I should actually consider seeking out autistic YouTubers who are men or something like that.

[erigold13261]

:3 I have some questions

Trans masc Daray? You know they just gives me those vibes

What happened between Adder and Cryil?

Does West know of the encounter?

Have EX-Jay and Necropolis ever collabed?

Are going to see more of Necropolis?

1). You know, I was debating on making Daray trans or not. It's up in the air right now. All I know is he uses he/him pronouns. His gender identity might change the more I work with him.

2). I'm still working on that, but I do know that it is supposed to be a complicated situation. On the surface, it is basically Adder forcing himself into Cyrils relationship with a girl (the only girl Cyril was ever actually attracted to). It was a pretty healthy relationship that Adder kinda forced into being polygamous which ruined it. Then Adder tried to keep Cyril in a relationship as the girl left first, which worked for a bit until the other members of Ex-Jay brought Cyril to his senses and got him away from Adder.

I don't mean forced as in he would not let Cyril go, but like, he was in a relationship and was fighting to keep it going. Actively trying to make it "better" in how he saw what better was. Unintentionally love bombing Cyril and making really expensive gifts that made Cyril fall in love harder but also make him feel indebted to Adder a bit. Like to a stranger the relationship looked fine, but there was some toxicity that was in it. Honestly, Cyril is really good at getting into toxic relationships (him and Purl's relationship isn't exactly the healthiest, at least not in the beginning, but hey, Purl is worse at picking who to be with).

Also, I'm not trying to defend Adder at all, but most of this happened because they were all young and dumb. Adder and Cyril had crushes on each other that they let form while the girlfriend, who was monogomous, just kinda got thrown to the side in the relationship. Adder overstepped but Cyril welcomed it instead of standing up for his relationship. It's supposed to be a complicated mess and I don't know if I am explaining it properly as it is still pretty vague in my head right now.

(fun fact, Cyril and Adder were penpals when they were kids. It was probably the longest friendship Cyril ever had up to this point which is why it took him a while to see how badly he was being treated)

3). No. Cyril doesn't talk about his relationship with Adder all that much. By the time Ex-Jay got popular enough to make it to Vinyl City, Cyril was hardly ever thinking about Adder at all.

4). Nope! Firstly, Ex-Jay thinks Daray's music is trash. It's some kind of Glitch Jazz, very highly EDM, which for the most part Ex-Jay does not like (but have been getting more used to it in recent years). Secondly, they know Daray and Adder are friends, so really none of them want anything to do with the Necropolis group.

If it wasn't for Adder, I would say that modern Ex-Jay would be willing to collab, but because of the relationship, they aren't looking to try and make music together at all. There is a possibility still though, IF Purl explains how much they like Daray's music and Cyril wants to do something nice and make Purl a song that combines Ex-Jay and Necropolis' styles together. But that would have to be for a really special event or something (plus Glitch Jazz and Alt Rock/Metal are probably difficult genres to incorporate together).

5). Oh definitely! I have a few things planned with them! We are gonna see the aftermath of Necropolis' Lights Up Audition along with some other interactions with characters (also gonna try to show how Cyril feels about Purl being really into Daray's music along with the potential that Adder might try to sleep with Purl and Purl being willing to do so).

I am absolutely going to be using them more! Mainly to help flesh out the more civilian world along with how lesser NSRtists have to deal with life (because I am definitely making them interact with my other NSR OC band with Hydrar and Timbre). So yeah, I think Necropolis is a good bridge between the elites of NSR, the big band names like Ex-Jay and Bunk Bed Junction, and the citizens of Vinyl City (as Necropolis is new to the city so they have to learn how things work).

[sw4tch]

yeah I'm probably a man but I have a job and every stressful situation is put on me every day so idc about that rn

I keep having this thought but I'm like "but do you REALLY want to be a man???" and I just go. no??? I mean

I want to be something vaguely shaped like a beautiful man but.

uhm.

my whole life I've felt like. a weird fuck up pretending to be a girl. pretending to be a Woman. when I dress "girly" it feels like I'm cosplaying and doing Badly at it.

every other woman I've met in my life has been beautiful and secure in her identity of being a woman. a Real one.

I've always felt like an outsider looking in, trying to fit in and being the odd one out. I don't know what it feels to be a Real Woman because I feel like a fraud. Someone who has been pretending to "Get It" their whole life

So, I keep thinking that. uhm. I feel like a transman that dreams of one day being a real woman. (which is a weird thing to feel like, isn't it?)

like. I wish I could be a cis woman. I wish I could be naturally beautiful and wonderful and sexy and Womanly.

but that's just an experience I'll never have. being a woman is a far away dream I'll never experience.

so I'm just me.

and nonbinary still feels like a comforting word to me. being nonbinary is a soft comfort and it sets me apart.

being a third, secret thing, is very correct to me

but also. I want. to be More.

I want to be weirder and for it to be More Obvious that I'm Weird and not a woman to the eyes of the world

bcus otherwise I feel like a fraud

I want people to see me and see a masculine looking freak, who's also weirdly feminine

that's an odd description.

I want true androgyny. I want to be too beautiful to just be a Man. I want to be too manly to just be A Woman. I want to be ME.

but.

but I'm not any of that.

I'm just an ugly woman to the world (which is the worst thing you could be! (sarcasm))

I wish people noticed me. I wish I didn't fade into the background. I want to be loved and desired. I want to be loved for being me. Monstrous, fucked up, horrible ME.

is that so much to ask? can a monster ever truly be loved? without being asked to change?

sometimes I truly wonder what kind of person I would be if at 8 yo I hadn't been torn into pieces and put back together as a broken little thing. would I feel like a woman? would i still Be a woman? what would I be if womanhood hadn't made me a target of a horrible fate?

I can't reconcile that. I can't think about that too much. or I'll feel sad.

reclaim it they said. but there's no reclaiming anything of that part of me. there's no good spin to it. something precious was taken from me and I had to grow like a scab around it. but that makes for a broken construct cosplaying as a person.

or perhaps was it because I am (potentially?) autistic, since apparently that's something that runs in the family? is that where the disconnect comes from? do I feel weird and alien because that's what autism does to your brain?

who knows.

who knows.

gender is a scam, never get into it.

my gender is "some guy" and it brings me comfort.

still, I wish I could be someone beautiful. oh well, not all dreams are meant to be.

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

Was wondering if you had anything new to share about the genderbend AU? Also I love how you play around with Ailette and Tesilid’s respective roles as protector and damsel sorta and give them a twist/more intensity in this AU.

UEUEUEUEUE thank you for asking about it!!! ive been busy the past 2 weeks so i haven't had time to have any new brainrot about it and what new thoughts i have are very much in their early stages and might get scraped completely.

so i’ll maybe just talk about my conceptualisation of tesilette under cut! and some about reed/ailett too

---

One of my favourite parts of s class heroine is how tesilid clearly plays the narrative role of damsel in distress (what with him being constantly saved and dependent on ailette for his safety and social status) but he still nonetheless has a lot of agency in the narrative because of all his secrets. I think I subconsciously tried to include more of this element of Tesilid having his own mind by making Tesilina have a more utilitarian view about her relationship with Ailett. As with canon, she has to work within the constraints of what the world forces her into, but she's still thinking a lot about what she should do and about how much she hates it.

LIKE. I’m a little insecure about how i made tesilett's r/s because it's a LOT less sweet than canon and that was one of the best parts of canon. But I do really like it??

The way I came up with it was:

okay if we're going to do a genderbend and not have it be a boring rehash of canon, then gender MUST have an important role to play

> this means that gender roles and the patriarchy would be terrible, moreso than I assume it is in canon (where gender is never an issue for Ailette and Bianca becoming knights or heiresses)

> sorry Tesilina…. this means worse sexual harrassment and gender roles…

> this means that the way other people view Tesilette would definitely change

and so that's how I arrived at Tesilina leaning way harder into making their relationship seem legit in the eyes of others. In a world where people policed women's behaviour more, people would already make assumptions about her that she can never truly debunk. I think that after so many lifetimes of working within her Restrictions, it's very natural for her to also make the best of this constraint. In canon Tesilid sometimes talks about trying to escort Ailette or living up to the role a knight, because gender roles. Here Tesilina instead goes *swoon* sir knight, sir saint, are you not going to catch me… (pleading eyes).

Tesilina's the girl who pretends to fall wrong and twist her ankle so a certain someone has to carry her. (Except with her luck she actually does twist it. Or maybe she actually twists it on purpose bc what the hell, Ailett can heal her anyway. It's morbidly fascinating to finally have someone who rushes to heal her. Seeing the almost frenzied concern spring on Ailett's face is heady. It's foreign. It's almost like Tesilina is doing this just to check that Ailett is still here by her side and will still heal her.)

((It's not something Tesilina has ever really done with anyone else. Few others have ever prioritised Tesilina's well-being to this extent. And it’s been a few thousand years since she felt the need check if Hestio and Ephael cared for her – she has the opposite problem for them, really, because she's forced to see how much they are willing to go through for/because of her CONSTANTLY throughout her regressions. Ailett had disappeared for all of that long, long time. She has to check if this is still real.))

I'm just like. HGNFHGNGHGNGHNG.

I don't have solid plans for where I'm going with this. I think it's something that would probably write itself out depending on how I actually write their dynamic… in the very unlikely event that I actually try to write fic for this.

But my very vague roadmap after this stage is that Tesilina eventually starts to become more secure in her relationship with Ailett (think the parts in canon where Tesilid starts to refer to her by nickname, and the fountain of life moment). And when she finally leaves crisis mode, she starts being able to realise that hey uhhh maybe that was a little manipulative. haha. nervous gulp. and a lot of guilt.

I think I can't really plan the fallout much because I don't have the blueprint from canon where Ailette finds out about his secrets too. But tbvh I think Ailette would forgive Tesilid for anything. In all worlds. Look at her trying to redeem Reed even after the Magic Republic burst, even though she herself counted the fatalities in i think the thousands and thought to herself that he was now past the point of no return.

But I think I might need to reread canon and try to do an Ailette character analysis 😔 I don't have a grasp on her character voice at all… It's really hard for me to write her.

I think Hestio and Ephael would definitely play important roles, because in this AU their busybodies whose lives are very enmeshed with Tesilina's. It's probably very disorienting for them because it's clear to them that Tesilina is falling for/has already fallen for Ailette, but she's still being very calculative and utilitarian about things and setting their relationship up for failure with all her lies, and they don't even understand why she's lying so much in the first place because (to them) it's so very out of character.

Anyway, in terms of actually new things I cooked up: Reed is now legitimately trying to kill Ailett. Haha. None of the “it’s enchanting how your eyes turn gold” and “i want you to fall to where i am” shit, Ailett and does not get out of this without major injuries. The instant he brought up Hestio and Ephael the kid gloves were off, and the instant he brought them to his frontline division he got on Reed’s hitlist.

Reed is truly going through it though. Unlike canon, Reed is a bundle of raw nerves and is incredibly sensitive because she just wants herself and her friends to stay dead already. Canon Reed turns Ailett down because he wants to burn the world down. Reed here turns Ailett down because he clearly doesn’t understand or align with her priorities, and she does not believe a happy ending is possible.

Please someone give her a hug she is so lonely.

Like she is doing all this for her friends but she can't even talk to them about it. The only person who knows the most about her regressions is now her biggest enemy.

Anyway the huge difference in 117 and 100th’s attitudes towards Ailett just makes me gnhghgnghgnghng because it’s just because Reed is in absolutely crisis mode rn and is unable to let her guard down. The right person at the wrong time. Slides down the wall. Tesilina is trying to put a ring on Ailett's finger and Reed is trying to kill him.

I might change this dynamic development later on bc this is literally at the earliest draft stage. But I like the idea of Reed/Ailett dynamic being like "who the fuck cares about some man I have my friends to worry about" and Tesilette being like "yeah we're going to lean into gender roles to get that bread"

[mntcoronet]

I said this like a few weeks ago or somethin but man gender IS weird

[just-some-random-blogger]

Bootylicious

Stray Kids Bang Chan x Idol!Reader Summary: You're known as the gym rat in your group, and quite frankly, you only have two moods: shredding or chilling. This was why when you're not asleep in between schedules, you're spotted with a male idol you happened to meet in the gym you were at that day. It's a known fact though, that you and Bang Chan are gym buddies and each other's spotter. Word Count: 2k+ Warnings: Internet toxicity, sasaengs, vulgar language, sexism, misogyny, pining, fluff, mentions of Pentagon because why not <3, etc.

A/N: Girl, i shouldn't do this but I did. It's so funny to me someone requested this cause I have recently become an exercise junkie lol. Also, if you can't tell, there is a pov shift after the cut so yeah. I also wanted to keep the reader gender neutral but I want to write about how psychotically different people treat male and female idols because that stuff aint it. It's most definitely not what anon was expecting me to write but I hope they enjoy it nonetheless.

There's compilation in YT with growing parts centered around you flexing your physical fitness and prowess. It ranges from you affectionally touring your fans, which really meant the cameraman, through the gym, introducing your trainer, and doing your routine on camera, to your group (and others) both fawning and bragging about how strong and how hot you are.

CLIP #1: A scene from an interview of your group in Japan, struggling to talk about how you can do 40 straight push ups.

There was a male interviewer in a suit you could all faintly recognize was talking about your recent Instagram post of a gym mirror selfie.

One of your youngest members smirked and in broken Japanese, cutely said, "Wah, she does 100 push ups! Everyday, every night."

You snap your head to the maknae and raise your brows, "nani?" You begin to shake your hands in protest and begin to explain your truth, "absolutely not 100. Maybe around 40, but nooooo, not 100."

The interviewer and your group comically react in awe. The man in the suit urges, "can you show us?"

You give a face, "Excuse me, but I'm not getting paid to do that in this miniskirt."

Everyone, including the film crew, break into laughter.

CLIP #2: A scene from a variety show where you had to prove you were, in fact, yourself, by doing a shortened version of your exercise routine.

One of the hosts of the show asks, "Wait, do you honestly do all of this in your workout? Like you can do all of it?"

The list of your exercises were written on a colourful cardboard, held by the one who just spoke. It was a range of exercises in 10 sets, from jumping jacks to sit ups, to vague sounding exercises like crab pinches and robot arms.

You purse your lips at the last question asked of you, not really liking the tone in which it was asked. You answer quickly and nod proudly, "I actually do more, cause when I get in the zone and I'm already really sweaty, I feel like I should keep going until my whole body burns." You chuckle.

The older hosts, tilt their head and mutter lowly under their breath something along the lines of, "I'd rather die."

You finally do the routine, quickly, continuously, earning impressed reactions from everyone.

"That's hot," one of the hosts note.

"Ya, for some reason it looks easy to do."

The hosts begin to clamour at that statement, and force whoever said to do the exact thing you did. Clearly, they don't work out as much as you do and cannot even get halfway through it without stopping.

You break out into a breathless laugh in amusement of the comical attempt but then protest, explaining how bad it is to force yourself to do more than you can

CLIP #3: Pentagon, Hongseok especially, fawns over how fit you are

Trailing a conversation about how your group is close with Pentagon because your companies are situated closely to each other and you wind up eating together a lot, there is an anecdote about how there was a jar no one could open, no one but you, that is.

The interviewer asks no one in particular, "wah, none of you could open the jar? Really? Or did you all just pretend so she could open it?"

There is a chorus of answers concluding with, "no really, she was the only one that was able to open it."

The story is backed up by how the jar had a really small lid and some hands were too big. Then came an explanation how you were recently into the new rock climbing machine in your gym.

Hongseok speaks up, "I was invited to go to rock climbing in, like, an actual rock climbing place and I was honestly so surprised when she began to climb. She said she never actually tried rock climbing on a wall, but it seemed like she had been doing it for years."

Shinwon agrees, "Right, right. I was also really curious about what they did that day," he points to Hongseok, "that I joined them one time. I never felt so out of shape in my life. I just stayed back and filmed everything."

Pentagon laughs, and then agrees that you were exceptionally fast and just super fit in all honesty.

The interviewer catches Hongseok's expression then suddenly asks, "do you like a woman like that?"

"Yeah, I like my women strong."

Then came a lot of teasing remarks from Pentagon, and a plethora of complaints from delusional fans who did not want Hongseok to ever breathe in your direction again.

With all that's been said about that, in all the parts of this series floating around in the internet, one thing remained, there was a slightly larger population of impressed fans than the still large portion of antifans who wanted nothing to do with it and only came around to hate.

It's hard not to think about it, but even the slightest back handed compliment can sometimes linger in one's mind.

And right now, as much as I kept my mind on my counting as I finished my set high knees, I couldn't help but think of how much backlash I got from posting a post workout photo with my midriff exposed.

Apparently that was not only enough to merit hate for being both a whore and an attention whore, but people baselessly began to hate on my groupmates simply for being associated with me.

It's kind of sad really, how, say Wonho, can post a fairly exposed photo of himself and get so much praise for it, and yet I couldn't even do anything remotely close to that.

And I don't even mean to come at Wonho, we all know he's a beast at the gym and should be able to show as much of his hard work as he is comfortable in showing, but why can't I?

"Hey trooper. I thought you said you were only doing 80 counts?" a voice cracks me out of my train of thought.

I turn to whom spoke and chuckle at myself as I stop my leg raises, "ah yeah, I got lost in thought, and your really good song."

I pull on my earphones and give a lopside smile, "I love working out to God's Menu."

He gives a soft, "he he, thanks."

"No need for a thank you when I'm only giving my honest opinion, Chan."

"Yeah, well still, it makes my kokoro go doki-doki," he sniggers, crossing his arms and flashing a dimpled smile. I raise my upper lip and reel back, "EWWW!"

I playfully shove him. He acts hurt, "this is violence against children."

"Chan, you're literally older than me."

"That doesn't mean I'm not a child at heart."

"You mean, it doesn't mean you're not a drama queen."

"Hey, I have no interest in having a throne, my only interest is," he leans in and whispers, "you."

I feel my soul leave my body as he snorts to himself and runs away. I regurgitate in surprise, "YA!"

"You better do your next set properly," Chan says heading off to a cable row machine, "I'm always watching."

I try to ignore the blood rushing up your neck, "creep."

He shrugs, "rather that or have you get injured, sweet heart."

Yeah, Chan has saved me from a lot of injuries I could have had. It was a bad habit. It stemmed from the same thing that made me mess up my count a while ago, my overthinking.

Sometimes I thought of rather harmless things, but sometimes I began to fixate on the hate I received for simply being. I do a lot to get my mind to realize that they hated me simply because they could and because it was easy. Exercising helped tremendously, especially when I had someone fun to work out with, especially when I was with Chan. He just... made me feel safe, y'know.

But when the news of us being work out buddies surfaced, a lot of sasaengs came for me. Of course, a lot of Stays and my own fans were really kind about, speaking out that we were our own people and exercising together did not mean anything in particular really.

But some really went for it, and made it a hobby to comment on everything I was in that I was a slut for 'working out' with different men every day."

I let out a breath as I finish my routine. I catch my breath and go for a swig of my water. I take a moment then sit down by the mirror, which was near where Chan was currently working out.

"You're doing it again."

I turn from where I was blankly staring at turn to Chan who gave me a soft look, "you good?"

I release a sigh then purse my lips, "maybe."

He pouts, "what happened?"

I shrug and stand from where I sat, "you know, the usual."

Chan then comes up to me and takes my water bottle from me, "you know, no matter how much people say you don't need water to live, you can never change the fact that you are extremely dependent on water to live."

I look at him and half- heartedly point, "are you calling me thirsty?"

He begrudgingly groans and releases a chuckle. He calls my name out in a scolding tone. I feel myself relax, "I know what you're getting at Chan."

He nods, "good. I'll always be here to remind you of that."

I smile and feel an urge to hug him, "if you weren't so sweaty, I would totally hug you right now."

Chan then gives me a look then does not hesitate to crush me into his arms. I groan and whine in protest. He chuckles, "you literally just said you wanted a hug!"

"YOU'RE LITERALLY SO SWEATY. NO ONE WANTS THIS TORTURE."

Chan huffs and gives a wounded look, "hmp. You better spot me while I lift or else I'm unfriending you."

"Hmm... I think I'll be good without you as a friend."

I half expect Chan to whine about it, but he instead smirks, "ahhhh, you must want me to be your boyfriends so badly huh."

I- I mean...

CLIP #4: A crack edit of Chan when he gets asked about his gym relationship with me in Chan's Room.

He was looking through the questions and suddenly chuckles, his ears noticeably began to redden. Cue a zoom in of his face and his red ears. Cue a clip of Cardi B saying, "that's suspicious."

He says my name then continues, "am I close with her? Yeah. I would say I'm close with her-- and her whole group actually."

Captioned: Nice save, Chris.

"The kids and I are close with her group," he says, clearing his throat.

A clip of him clearing his throat is repeated about ten times.

Chan adjust the beanie he was wearing as he thinks of what he was going to say next, "we actually do work out together a lot because she's under a trainer that works with my trainer."

Captioned: Sure, Chan. That's the only reason, right?

Chan catches another question, "Is she a beast in the gym like Hongseok says?" He breaks into a laugh. He then rubs his cheek and grits his teeth.

A clip of someone saying, "Oh he's jealous," flashes on screen.

"Yeah," Chan finally says, "she's got a really high stamina."

Cue the clip, WHAT DID HE SAY?

Chan continues, "she can go between exercises without stopping. she doesn't even take that much time to catch her breath. In fact, she sings while exercising sometimes, which helps make her vocals stable."

Captioned: Queen Tingz.

The next thing that happens is Chan breaks into a laugh and begins to chuckle. He says, "Sorry I saw a funny comment."

Captioned: WHAT HE MEANS IS HE SAW A COMMENT SAYING 'SHUT UP CHRIS, YOU'RE WHIPPED."

Then came these comments:

LITERALLY LOOK AT HOW FLUFFY BANG CHAN GETS WHEN HE TALKS ABOUT HER DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME MY SHIP IS ALIVE

They are dating period. prove me wrong. you cant

Chan literally blushes over anything, buT HE TURNED INTO A TOMATO WHEN HE TALKED ABOUT HER BYE

if you hate on your faves loving each other, you most definitely need Jesus (:

PLEASE CAN YOU SEE HOW WHIPPED THEY ARE FOR EACH OTHER

Yeah... it's not been confirmed to this day.

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

(Tone/intention indicator: non-aggressive!! Pensive and open/hopeful for discussion and/or advice. Not at all trying to be a grouch.)

I do get the joke and I get that there's plenty of evidence that he does like to take it up the ass which is rad for him if he does, you know, but it feels crappy to me, the way a lot of the fandom (NOT you—I haven't seen anything like this from you) and actually also Misha treats Dean and sometimes/by proxy Jensen with the whole calling him/them a bottom, especially when Jensen isn't part of the conversation and doesn't even know that there's anything to respond to. It just gets said about him in public, and then onus is on him to find it and respond. It's a gotcha situation though, I don't think there's even anything he could say in his own defense (if he wanted to, that is. idk, for all I know, maybe Jensen is into it too, but that's sort of my problem.. I don't how he feels about being called a girl, a bottom, an omega etc) that people wouldn't claim that, by saying he isn't a bottom, sub or femme, he actually is proving he's a "subby little girlboy," or so I saw it said. I wish we as a community could talk about the nuance and inherent homophobia and transphobia in leering about it that way, in stereotyping 'bottom/subby behavior' and categorizing that behavior as feminine etc. I'm a trans dude, a dom and a top and a lot of the things I see people saying about Dean being a bottom or, worse, about Jensen being a bottom, are just so.. emasculating to me, because a lot of that stuff is stuff I do, too. Dean is a fictional character so his feelings can't get hurt, but Jensen is a real person, you know? And there's like a million people on the internet saying they can tell he's a subby, femme bottom despite whether he's ever said anything to the contrary or not. It's.. jarring, too, since I'm also a real person and they're often pointing to traits and behaviors that I share as evidence. It makes me so dysphoric to see so many people calling him girly and needy and in heat or what have you and citing how he (over)performs masculinity. I over-perform masculinity, too, but I do it because I enjoy the presentation, not because I'm over-compensating and Actually A Girl. I'm actually pretty comfortable in my relationship with gender at this point. Sometimes I also wear dresses. I'm still a dude. It sucks that it seems like the overwhelming opinion is that loudly performing masculinity can only ever mean overcompensation, and never gender euphoria. It seems like a lot more people are more interested in forcing Dean to perform femininity—like people want to humble and humiliate him for his past/present comphet and his idea of his own masculinity—not in allowing him to participate in traditionally non-masculine things according to what he likes, or to perform gender in ways that make him feel authentic and happy. It's like, instead of him aggressively overcompensating his Manly Man-ness, everyone wants to make him aggressively, stereotypically effeminate and one dimensional in the opposite direction. What are your thoughts on it, if you don't mind sharing? Do you think there's a way to have this conversation in the fandom? Or am I missing the point?

hi! okay first of all I love your tone indicators, we should all be doing this online tbh because it absolutely sets the voice for the rest of your ask and I appreciate it so very much.

preliminarily - I am not an expert on this topic in any way, so please take my response with an entire value-size canister of salt.

I think your feelings and thoughts are absolutely valid, and I don't disagree. I personally try to steer clear of most of the real person is this and that thing unless they uh. you know. tweet it out loud at the internet (for what it's worth, I do think - any joking I may have vaguely done aside - that Misha's past two top related tweets specifically were fairly pointed at himself (yes, I know one was about Dean and Cas fanfic, but he said "I" enjoy being on top, not Cas enjoys topping Dean). I am certain he is aware of the innuendo though, and how fandom will take it so your commentary on his being a participant is certainly correct as well. Also, I firmly believe that Misha does treat humans, especially those he is close w, with the utmost respect and any joking he has done re Jensen has been in a place of Jensen being okay with it (like I don't think he would ever say anything he knows would make Jensen feel uncomfortable whether he is within earshot or across the country when it's said).

*takes off Misha apologist hat*

As for the rest, I think your points are extremely well made and it's definitely a conversation that can (and should!) be had in fandom. I do agree that this topic can and has been misconstrued (sometimes for shitposting's sake sometimes not) as it applies to irl people and situations. I personally think that Jensen is a very multidimensional and layered human (which serves him greatly as an actor, I mean he contains literal multitudes) and to classify him as either pendulum end - as you mentioned, is doing his human self a disservice. I think it's also important for all of us to remember that gender is a construct and can be so fluid, so putting any of it in a socially constructed box just defies the entire point of the conversation.

I don't know if this is making any sense (your points are a lot more well spoken and coherent than mine), but I do think what you said is so important and needs to be out there. Also, I hope you know you are so freaking valid and nothing that's said on this site or others about traits/behavioors of Jensen's that mirror your own is a firm definition for those traits/behaviors, especially if people are putting them in a category you don't necessarily agree/feel comfortable with or identify as the right 'definition' if you will. Your words - "to perform gender in ways that make him feel authentic and happy" really resonated with me, and I think they hold true for both Jensen and you. To radically be our authentic selves is the goal, and I'm so glad that based on what you said you're feeling about your own relationship with gender it seems like you are in that place!!!

Sorry this is so long of a response and probably. muddy. I hope I got the gist of what you were asking, but also thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, you expressed them really clearly and it's given me a lot to think about :) if I got anything wrong, or misunderstood a point you were making please feel free to pop by and clarify or correct me.

I hope you have an excellent day <3

[ljscottagecafe]

𝚃𝚘𝚍𝚊𝚢'𝚜 𝚂𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚕: 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒊 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒚 𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒅𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒑𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒄 // 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒈 #1

✯----------------------------------✯

Hello there, my name is LJ, and I use he/they pronouns, I'm also particularly genderfluid, which means I can go switch from gender to gender whenever I feel like it. But wait, how did I come in to terms with myself at the first place? Well, it's a really long story.

~ ✰ ~

Before the pandemic, I actually was in particular how someone would call anyone "normal", a girl who uses she/her pronouns, and basically someone who's just portrayed as anyone who would be a so called perfect person. Looking back at who I was, I felt sad for myself in honesty, I was confused of what the world actually is.

~ ✰ ~

Now, let's date back to where pandemic started, that was the time I became more close to the internet than I've ever been my entire life, looking through stuff I shouldn't possibly see, and met people who I soon or later become friends with online, as a person who suddenly got a connection to people other than friends of my family or friends of friends, I had awareness of what actually is going on, especially in the LGBTQ+ community. At first I was somewhat against it as taught to me in all those years of my life, that being this, is a sin, but then I realized how vague those teachings were to me, and I learnt to accept them as actual human beings. In some point in time, I suddenly found myself in confusion of who I truly was, I became somewhat insecure, because I never knew who I really were to begin with, this journey to find myself took me months to complete, as I wondered through the internet to find out what am I, using different labels, pronouns, genders, and s3xualities, and with the help of a few of my new friends, and people, I came to a final holt, I finally after years of wandering in the dark, found myself, who I truly was.

~ ✰ ~

In my life, I felt extremely uncomfortable being more "feminine" stereotype, wearing so called dresses for girls and having long hair, and oppositely, I felt more comfortable being more "masculine", being called a boy, having more shorter hair, etc., but then, I felt more comfortable too when being a person who does not fit in the gender spectrum, such as non binaries and genderqueers, coming to the term of being Genderfluid, which I felt most comfortable with, and thus how I label myself as.

~ ✰ ~

As I find myself, I've learnt about different s3xualities such as being gay, lesbian, bi, queer, asexual, and so much more, and I felt like I couldn't fit in these descriptions, I've changed from time to time and I found myself in confusion, but then I found something called, Abrosexuality, abrosexual people tend to have different sexual/romantic attractions from time to time, and I felt like it was me, and that I felt more comfortable with it.

~ ✰ ~

I had a really wacky journey, and maybe in the future I still am, but in all of this, I learnt something, what is it you may ask, well, I learnt that, it's not wrong to be you, you have no control of it, we live in a judgmental society and I think that really holds us back from finding out who we truly are, but believe me, you got to step aside and find yourself, it helps when it comes to difficult parts of life, just remember that you're not alone, and there are people who will be with you throughout it, some will leave, some will stay with you, what's important is, that you're comfortable in being you.

✯----------------------------------✯

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 3 notes popping off

due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.

ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?

ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.

ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.

ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes

ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.

ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.

ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.

ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.

ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.

ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.

ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.

ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.

ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.

Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.

Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?

ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?

ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.

ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!

ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?

ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again

110: who wants to bet its a leitner?

111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.

112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...

113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough

114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?

115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?

116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.

117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.

118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.

119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!

120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.

[ambivalent-anarchy]

Too Cheesy

Gender: Female

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Warnings: Sickening fluff and insanely cheesy pick up lines.

Summary- Ned agrees to stay at Peter's house and help him find the perfect pickup line to ask out his crush with before spring break. But what happens when his crush tags along and also wants to help? ---------------------------------------

"Nah Peter, too corny."

Peter Parker was standing in the middle of his room, his best friend Ned sitting on his bed, cradling their death star in his hands. Peter scrolled down the screen of his phone. "Okay, how about this one?" After reading, Peter looked to the wall and gave a smug smirk, as if he were actually looking at someone. "Hey [Y/N]... are you religious? 'Cause you’re the answer to all my prayers."

Ned cocked his head to the side. "Is she religious?"

"I dunno, I never really asked before," Peter answered, breaking out of his assumed position.

Ned scrunched his nose a bit. "Well, we probably should stay off of religious pick-up lines then."

"Right," Peter agreed, looking back to his phone again. He scrolled a bit more. When satisfied, he looked up at the wall again, raised his eyebrows with an award winning smile before he recited another.

"Life without you would be like a broken pencil… pointless."

"Wow..," Ned said. He pointed and nodded slowly. "I think that's a keeper. Try it again just to make sure though. Oh- and this time, make it more personal."

"Okay," Peter said, going back over the line in his head. He assumed the position and instead of a smug, gave a small smolder.

"Wait," Ned interrupted. "Does this one even make sense? I mean- a pencil still has a point even when it's broken, right? Unless, of course, it's the bottom half, but that would only work if it's a clean break. A-and-"

Suddenly, realizing how completely ridiculous he must look, Peter grimaced. "Ned, why're we doing this again?!"

Ned rolled his eyes. "C'mon Pete. It's because pickup lines always work!"

"A-are you sure? Cuz that doesn't sound right."

"Dude, I'm telling you," Ned defended. "I saw Flash walk right up to Sydney and gave her the perfect pickup line and he immediately got a date! Flash of all people! If he can, you certainly can!"

Peter rolled his eyes. Ned was seriously comparing him to Flash? There were tons of reasons as to how Flash got with Sydney. "But Flash is popular and rich and stuff... I'm just me."

Ned scoffed. "Well..." He looked up with a carefree smile. "If it makes you feel any better, if I were a girl, I'd totally date you."

"..thanks..." Peter said, suddenly feeling incredibly awkward. He looked around the room with a nervous chuckle. Ned, apparently not realizing the awkwardness in the room, hasn't looked away and continued to smile at his friend.

Finding his voice, Peter spoke up. "So, um, what was Flash's line anyway?"

"Uh-uh man," Ned answered. "You gotta find your own! Sydney probably already told the whole school, so you'd just be a copycat. Your line needs to be original."

Peter raised his eyebrows. "We're literally looking this stuff up from the internet, Ned! That's not original!"

"Just trust me. Now read another."

"Okay..." Peter begrudgingly agreed. He was regretting this whole thing more and more each second. He took a deep breath and recited his next one.

"[Y/N], my love for you is like dividing by zero– it can't be defined."

He looked to Ned, who was silently contemplating the words.

"...I kinda like it," Ned finally said.

"I don't know," the scrawny teenager sighed, throwing his phone onto his bed. "It needs to be really good! Not mediocre. Tomorrow is my only chance to tell [Y/N] how I feel before spring break starts. I can't back out!"

"Pete, relax. We'll just add it to the list. Now do another-"

"Peter!!! [Y/N]'s here!!!"

The two teenagers froze. Their eyes widened at his aunt May's voice. They looked to the door, then to each other.

"What is she doing here?!?!," Peter whisper-shouted, two seconds from panicking.

"It's your apartment, you tell me!," Ned whispered back, arms flailing wildly.

"She can't be here!," he yelled to himself, pointing towards the door you could be walking through any second now. "She can NOT be here!"

The two quietly went back and forth as you came closer to his room. Normally, you were always more than welcome. But today, unbeknownst to you, Peter's home was probably the one place you definitely shouldn't be.

You poked your head around the doorframe. "Heyyyy fellas!"

They froze, looking to you with their mouths zipped shut. "Why so tense?," you asked, a small smile playing on your lips.

"No reason!," Peter yelled.

"Hey [Y/N]." Ned gave a wide smile.

You return it with a wider smile that certainly betrayed the rest of your face, that held only confusion. "Uh, what's going on, guys??"

They looked to each other, then to you, then to each other again. Ned broke away first this time. "Peter's trying to find a pick-up line to tell his crush was tomorrow!," he spat out quickly, earning an excited gasp from you.

Peter's jaw stopped to the floor. If he were a computer, he would've definitely been crashing right now. "What the hell, Ned?!," he practically screamed, his voice cracking a bit before he covered his face with his hands.

"So, whose the girl?," you asked, pushing through them and climbing onto the top bunk to sit.

"Uh-"

"DON'T. SAY. ANYTHING!," Peter hissed out through gritted teeth.

It didn't take you too long to realize the tension in the room. "Uh, should I come back another time or something?"

"That would be ideal," Peter mumbled under his breath.

Your eyebrows scrunched together in annoyance. Why were they being so weird and vague?

"Okay, did I do something? Is that why you're acting so weird, Pete? I mean, I was gonna try to help you out so you won't make a complete fool of yourself in front of this girl, but-"

Ned dropped the death star as he excitedly clapped his hands together. "That'd be perfect, actually!!"

Both you and Peter groaned as you looked at the peices on the floor. "Ned!"

"At this point that thing needs to stay at my house cuz when it's at either of yours it always breaks!," you laughed.

"Umm..." Peter looked away and took a deep breath. "[Y/N]?"

At this point, he had no idea nor any control over what was going on and the only words processing in his mind were what the fuck.

His crush was not supposed to be here while he was practicing what to say to his crush tomorrow.

"Yeah, Pete?"

But you were here now, and you didn't seem to be leaving anytime soon.

So what's the worse that could happen?

"C-could you maybe, um, help me with this?"

"With your girl problems? Sure. I mean, if we leave it your hands, the poor girl won't even know what hits her."

Ned bit his lip, attempting (and failing) to hide a fit of laughter. "She sure won't!"

"Dude!," Peter hissed, nudging his shoulder.

"So what've you got so far?," you said, watching Peter expectantly.

"Uhh.." He blew out a heavy breath. Welp, he thought. Guess we're doing this now. He picked up his phone and awkwardly read off the line.

"My love for you is like dividing by zero– it can't be defined.."

He looked back up at you, frozen as statue. That was so embarrassing. You smiled and giggled a little. "That was so cheesy!"

"Oh..," Peter mumbled. He'd actually thought that one was pretty good.

"That's only because he's not doing it like he did a second ago," Ned, ever the oblivious one, noted. "C'mon! Do it the way you did it before [Y/N] came in here."

If looks could kill, Ned would surely have been maimed and then ran over a bus by now.

Peter sighed. He looked up to the wall right above where [Y/N] was sitting and gave his best smolder.

But before he could get a word out, laughter erupted the room. "PETE WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!," [Y/N] shrieked, practically falling off the the top bunk of the bed with laughter. "Girls' want a genuine smile, not some James Bond wannabe look!"

"Y-you don't think it looks cool?," he asked, cheeks red as beets by now.

"Frickin' goofy is what that looks like!," she responded. "Gimme your phone."

Peter's face fell. Wow, he thought. I'm way off. No way I'm gonna get her now, except...He looked to Ned, who was practically just spectating the whole thing at this point. Their eyes joined, and they could both tell they'd come to the same conclusion.

What better way to find out exactly what to say than by finding out by who you're going to say it to?

[Y/N] scrolled down a few until she found one that she liked. "Ooh, this one's pretty good." She looked up from the phone. "Now, watch me and I'll show you how it's done." She hopped down from the bed and said the line straight to Peter's face, biting her lip and smirking.

"Hey you, apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?"

Immediately afterwards, she broke out of it. "See?," she asked. "That's how it's done." [Y/N] tossed the phone back into Peter's hands before sitting back down. "Now do that."

Peter sucked in a quick breath, lightly tugging the bottom of his gray shirt. "U-uh, um, yeah okay.."

That was hot, was all he could really think at the moment. She's so frickin hot.

Scatterbrained, he stood and looked back at you. "U-uh.. -oh, here's one..." He shook his head slightly, as if attempting to shake the jitters out. "A-are you a cam-mera? C-cuz.. you sure do make me sm-mile," he stammered, ending with beyond awkward fingers guns.

[Y/N] chuckled, biting back a small smile. "Ya know, you're just too cute sometimes..."

At that, Ned's jaw fell to the floor. Peter's face turned a shade of red you didn't believe was even possible.

"Uh, u-um, ah, heh, thanks..."

"Hey yo, my mom's texting me," Ned suddenly announced. "I gotta get home. See you two tomorrow." He smiled at [Y/N] and then looked Peter square in the face with a shit-eating grin. "And good luck Pete!," he said, earning a middle finger from his best friend.

After the door closed, [Y/N] frowned. "What's up with you two? Are you guys fighting?"

"Nah, Ned's just being..." Peter trailed off, shaking his head slightly. If he were to elaborate, he could risk telling you. Better to play it safe. "So was that one good?"

"I mean, it'd be nice if you could g-g-g-get it out!," you mocked with a smile.

"No stuttering then," he concluded to himself. "Stuttering's a turn off."

"Well, not exactly," you corrected. "I actually think it's kinda cute when you do it." Noticing his intense blushing, you grabbed his hands to give comfort. "Just relax. No stuttering. And keep eye contact. Got it, Pete?"

His cheeks reddened as he looked away, desperately trying to redirect his focus from your turned up lips. "Oh, u-uh um, thanks! That's great, ya know! L-lets, ah, just get back to the th-thing- uh, the line..."

And so you did. You helped him til eleven o'clock at night. You went over about fifty. Until there was no way he couldn't have a perfect one to show the girl.

Until the next morning.

Spoiler alert: he didn't find a line.

When you left the indecisive teenager, he'd looked like he was on the right path. He had an entire list of good choices you'd picked out with him, along with practiced ways to do each one.

But, when he woke up and looked back at the list, each one just felt wrong.

Cheesy.

Overused.

Corny.

Lame.

You wouldn't like it. You'd already heard it. It wouldn't feel special to you if he'd told you something you'd already picked out for yourself, even if you didn't know you had.

You'd reject him. And more? Because you were a nice person, you'd probably still want to be friends.

Which was definitely way, way worse.

"Peter!," May yelled. "Engine's being turned on in five! Be there or you'll have to swing to school!"

-

Perer told you he'd tell his crush the line by the lockers during homeroom.

You couldn't wait. 'This is gonna be so awesome,' you thought, scanning the halls for his curly brown hair and wrinkled jacket.

'Of course, this girl better be worth his time or I'm gonna frickin' tackle her....'

The night before, Peter had told you nearly everything about this mystery girl.

He gushed about how she was perfect. Beautiful. Everything he ever wanted.

And you felt happy for him.

But deep inside, you knew that whoever the girl he'd chosen was, you wouldn't approve. Because deep down, you wished that it would be you.

But you and Peter were friends. Since the sixth grade. If anything was ever gonna happen, it surely already would've.

And It wasn't gonna happen...

And when this girl said yes (it's Peter Parker, why wouldn't you?), you'd have to watch them hug, kiss, give inside jokes, and everything else couples did.

And because he was your best friend, you'd have to just sit there and be happy for him.

"Miss. [Y/L/N]. Come on, get to class!," your homeroom teacher yelled, standing by the door, holding it open for you to walk into the classroom.

"Must be late again...," you mumbled, looking around the halls for Peter one last time before making your way to the door.

"[Y/N]!"

You whipped your head to where the voice was coming from. It was Ned, running down the hallway.

"Yeah?"

"He's gonna do it!," he yelled. "He's about to ask!"

You turned towards your teacher. "Um, can I go to the restroom please?"

"Yeah sure," the teacher replied.

Once the door closed, you ran to meet Ned in the middle of the hall. "Ask? Wait, on a date or to actually be his girlfriend?"

"TO BE HIS GIIIIRRRRRRLLLLLLLFRIEND!!," he yelled, shaking you by your shoulders back and forth frantically.

'Wow,' you thought, eyes wide. 'Peter's actually getting some balls now.'

This was it. And you were gonna hold your tongue and watch it happen.

Ned looked over your shoulder as he practically gasped for air. "He's coming! He's coming!"

You pulled his arm a bit, attempting to pull him to towards the wall. "Don't we need to hide? They don't need an audience!"

Suddenly, using his strength against you, Ned turned you around quickly for you to come face to face with Peter.

"Where's the girl?," you said, looking around curiously. After you were met with silence, your curious smile went away. "Pete, where is she? Where's she at?"

"I-it's...um, [Y/N] it's always been-heh. It's you," he answered, looking into your eyes shyly.

Ned could've bursts from joy right then and there. You could feel his grip on your arms tighten out of excitement.

But you didn't care, because you were sky high yourself. "So all that, yesterday? That was all about-"

"Yeah. You."

You sighed, practically frozen. "Major fucking plot twist, dude.."

He tilted his head. "'Saw' level?"

"More like 'Shutter Island' level," you answered.

"Ooh, that was a big one," Ned added brightly.

You shifted slightly. "So, um, what was the line you chose?"

"Oh!," Peter laughed. "How could I forget? Uh-" He grabbed your hands gently. "Okay." Hey blew out a long breath. "Relaxing. No stuttering. And keeping eye contact," he reminded himself aloud before he slowly and tenderly recited the line he'd chosen.

"[Y/N], ahem, um, If I had a penny for every time I thought about you, I'd have exactly one cent.."

You frowned. "Hold on, I don't get it. That means-"

"-Because you never leave my mind, sweetheart."

Raising your eyebrows, your heart warmed and you covered your hand over your mouth. That was one you hadn't chosen. You'd never even heard it before. He'd found it himself.

Noticing your reaction, Peter tensed. "W-was that too much? I'm sorry if that was too much! The last thing I would want for it to be is too-"

"That was perfect, Peter."

He paused. "It wasn't too cheesy?"

"Just a little cheesy," you said, pinching your fingers together and giving a quick wink.

"On a scale of one to ten?," Ned asked.

"Ned!," Peter scolded, quickly sliding his finger over his neck as a warning. He then looked back to you with a timid smirk.

"So, ah, does this mean you'll be my girlfriend?"

"Hmm, I guess it does, huh?," you giggled and turned to walk away just as the bell rang for first period.

-

"Sooooo, how'd it go?," May asked, poking her head around the doorframe of Peter's room.

When Peter turned towards her from his bed, May knew the answer before he even uttered a word.

He was staring up at ceiling twiddling his fingers and grinning like a madman.

"She said yes, May..I-i didn't think she'd actually say yes!"

May smiled. "Well, that's good!"

"Our first date's tomorrow and- Oh God! I might need to find another line to tell her! I'll use the math one this time since she was so excited about acing that test earlier today. Oh my gosh what if- what if we kiss?! That'd be SO awesome! Right, May? Ooh man, what am I gonna wear?? Ned said to wear a tux. But it's just a movie date, not prom! Jeans and a t-shirt should work, right? What if I get there and I'm underdressed?! Why is this stuff so hard?!"

Aunt May watched as the young boy frantically vented to himself and shook her head. "God bless him..."

She looked down at his desk in the corner of his room. On it was a small journal. It was opened to a page labelled 'Pickup Lines To Tell [Y/N]'

Underneath it were lines separated into sections based on 'coolness,' 'nerdiness,' and 'sexiness.'

May furrowed her eyebrows. "Hon, you know pick-up lines never work, right?

"Well May," Peter sighed, leaning back into his bed. "There's a special girl out there that would beg to differ.."