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precious-little-scoundrel · 1 day

Text

|| Radio ||

Requested plot points? ☑️

Circa: early February 1944

Immediate previous fic: Favorite Escape

Summary: when your hodge podge radio won’t work, who should ya call? Probably the flight engineer

Warnings: usual universe warnings apply, 18+ but nothing very alarming really happens in this one, references to others are made, some potential slut shaming in the beginning if ya squint? perhaps some queer baiting but it’s the Buckies rolling around on the flooor, they’re one massive queer bait lbr, it’s not me. Also. My shit Crystal Radio making descriptions- don’t come for me I haven’t made one and I spent five hours falling down a rabbit hole as to how the guys made them in the camps and at the end of the day I said: screw it! And went with one of the Brit’s scenarios 🍻

Edited only by my tired little eyes, full warning and have mercy 💋

Also, just a note I feel compelled to make- this fic centers around women in the army, in a war, which they’re spending under dire conditions in a POW camp. Yes there is love here, there is also hierarchy and discipline and the enforcement of that does not make one character or another necessarily callous or less loving. They are their ranks first and foremost as all signed up for.

“They’re forging papers, you know.” Maureen broached the topic to Egan one day, late February and when her cheeks were still bruised from Ida’s book.

Bucky paused his tracing of a map, sooty finger trailing along a river with the same incomprehensible name as its twin running parallel, he didn’t know anything about papers or anyone making them and she knew that. “Who?”

“Good ones. Identification, passports.” She enumerated.

“Who?”

“The Poles. The ones with the-“

“-the liquor.” he finished for her, remembrance and condemnation heavy in his wry tone. “The ones you stayed out all night with.”

“Stayed long enough for them to get drunk enough to show me.”she replied, without heat, which was surprising.

“Some grand plan of yours, huh?” He bit back a laugh, it was a fine way to cover her ass for being insubordinate. It was a way he’d likely try if he was in her place.

“No.” she swore instead. “Just luck, I happened to see them. They got careless. Maybe an answer to all Jack’s prayers.”

“Yeah. Anything to give that rosary a break.”

“Yeah.”

“You asked them?”

“What for?”

Bucky regarded her with thinning patience but something kept him from snapping, the feeling of a riddle still to be solved. “For some papers.” he clarified, measured and intent, she knew how much easier that would make their plans for Ida.

Maureen shook her head, glancing down at her twisting hands, “I didn’t want to-“ her mouth twisted too, “-I wanted to ask a superior first.”

Bucky considered that for a moment, slightly touched at her newfound wisdom, “Why not ask Buck?”

She shook her head again, auburn hair curling under her chin just so, even here in the stalag she had some traces of the old charm. “He’s got too much to worry about for me to be bringing in hypotheticals.” she was so upset by something she would not even meet John’s eye and he felt a slice of remorse for how he hadn’t even noticed the ground down change in her since she got here, his drinking buddy and the soft fleshed rival of merry old English days was a gruff and battered and sullen woman; being a red blooded American male, he regretted that dismal change. “And I'm worried about what to bargain with. What can I promise? We haven’t got much and I don’t have— there’s not much anyway, but what we’ve got I didn’t wanna promise. Not without-“ she still hadn’t met his eye, he tracked hers; a furious roving of pale blue back and forth across the floorboards and it made Bucky itch.

“Who signs these papers?” Bucky asked, thinking the logistics through, knowing she’d perk up if he brought them up.

“Haven’t a clue. Maybe they haven’t figured that part out yet. I don’t know. I just know they’ve got papers.”

“Good ones.”

“Yeah.”

“We haven’t got much.” he agreed, clicking his teeth in thought, “What’d you give them for the liquor?”

“They just invited me.”

“Didn’t have to lend a hand or nothin’?” he balked and Maureen threw him a glare that seemed more hurt than rage, and chastened by a voice inside that sounded much like his mama’s, he amended with sheepish humor, “Hell, feel like lending a hand myself these days, if it’d get me a whisky.”

Her gnarled fist curled white in her lap, she managed hoarsely, “They just wanted to talk about home. To someone who hadn’t heard about it a million times before.”

“They got cigarettes?” he asked.

“As most common payment for their booze -they’ve got enough to insulate their shack three deep.”

“Cigarettes won’t cut it then.”

“I’ve been thinking.”-

“Yeah?”

“The radio. I’m the only one who doesn’t think it’s worth the risk but, I know, it doesn’t matter, it’s happening. Gale’s going to keep trying. And if it works-“ she rubbed at her eyes, tired and unsure, “-that’s quite the bargaining chip.”

Bucky nodded slowly, eyes narrowing as his smile grew a touch broader, “News of the outside world.” he was half in agreement, “Buck asked for a week. Been four days.”

“He’s stumped.” Maureen retorted instantly. “And he’ll stay that way and he’ll go nuts and you’ll go die going over the fence and then he’ll have no reason left not to die too.”

Bucky whistled, low and chiding, “You’re full of rainbows today, Candy.”

“You know who he oughta ask.” she shook off the barb. “But he won’t. And I don’t want him risking it for this thing anymore than anyone else, but you all want it so bad, and they’ll shoot us for it if it works or not. I’m not asking her. But you would. Might as well get shot for it working, right? Isn't that what you said yesterday? You know who he should ask.”

Bucky’s keen eyes showed the moment it dawned on him, his eyebrows shot up and his mouth sagged and he ran a weathered hand over his face, “Awww shit, Candy.” came garbled behind his palm. “Ah shit.” he said again with conviction as he shoved the hand into his pocket, wretched acknowledgment of her point clear on his face.

“I didn’t want to suggest it, told Ida it’s a fucking dangerous thing and I’ll never forgive if— but you all—“

Bucky grounded aloud, “Nah, nah she’s -Lu would solve it.” he muttered, shushing her. “Demarco really pummeled you the other day, huh?” he added, and that got her to meet his eye, she looked spooked and a little incensed, “Saw him fuckin’ you up behind B compound but sheesh, s’like he hollowed you out worse than a jacolantern; yer shifty as hell.”

“He-“ Maureen still felt like blanching at the memory of Benny’s terribly correct opinions, his disappointed eyes and his fist full of her flight jacket asking her what in the living fuck was wrong with her besides a concussion, a sick childhood and an ever nauseating jealousy of Buck Cleven’s paternal time and effort, “-he had some admonitions. After…after the other night.”

Bucky hummed, shitty smirk taking up residence on his face, “How ‘bout that.”

“I’m gonna be better.” she muttered and Bucky felt for her, could almost taste the echo of his identical and hollow determination to climb the mountain of bad habits when weak from spuds and pneumonia. He told himself the same every morning and fell into bed condoning his failure every night, like a ritual.

“You’re gonna get us those papers.” he corrected, shoving off the wall to come near her, give her the full Major treatment and maybe a friendly hand, “And you can promise your drinkin’ buddies news from the radio.”

Maureen nodded in understanding, no joy or animation left in her green eyes. She used to enjoy a bit of subterfuge, now she only felt hollow misery at the thought that she'd dragged Lu into this, too. This risk she hated so much and yet no one cared. Lu would be glad to be dragged in, it’s true, she was itching at the chance to be useful and to make Gale proud, it’s how the girl was wired. It’s how most girls were wired, Maureen supposed, desperate to make Gale Cleven approve. Lu’s enthusiasm wouldn’t make the sight of her being made to kneel in the mud and have a bullet put in her head any easier, wouldn’t make Maureen feel any less responsible for it when her lifeless body thudded to the earth.

All that lovely goodness stamped out.

Over a radio.

Bucky’s hand felt too hard and too big on her shoulder. He had gone before the vision cleared, mud and wire and the freezing main square at Ravensbruck fading back to the musty bunk room. Maureen shook herself and stood up to make herself somehow appealing, reamniante some semblance of the cheerful rashness that had led her to the Polish combine in the first place: she found it hard to inspire. She’d like to count that a victory but she knew better, she wasn’t reformed she was just tired.

A washed face and a fake smile and the promise of news from outside would have to be enough to bank all their risks on, it would have to be.

“Crank,” she greeted the man in the hall, flashing him clean, water brushed teeth and her gentlest, freshly soot lined eyes, “I’ve been tasked by Major Egan with an errand, spare a minute to babysit me?”

__________________________________

Bucky finds Buck Cleven in his own bunkroom, Demarco outside on watch and that’s all Bucky needs to know to guess the radio is out and Buck’s working like a fiend yet again to make it work. Sure enough, he’s hunched over the table with it, mittened hands shaking from cold and exhaustion and a sheen of sweat on his forehead despite the paltry sweater he wears.

Bucky walks in and Gale gives him a soft, acknowledging glance before continuing to his work. Bucky takes up his usual place behind Buck’s left shoulder to watch and Buck, being used to it, goes on.

“My little Kriegie Marconi, huh?” Bucky allows the nagging impulse he has felt for weeks while standing in this position to finally exert itself, and his forefinger lifts and swirls in the curling gold strands of hair at the nape of Gale’s neck, his friend almost bolts away but then seems to choose a prey’s tactic and just stills, goes very still and Bucky scritches the scalp beneath his grab in assurance he don’t meant anything by it. He doesn’t think he does, at least.

Gale, wary and with a voice close to mechanized it’s so stilted, inquires with ever-present politeness, “You alright Bucky?”

It’s better than that whole ‘major’ business; getting called Major as if that meant shit anymore. “Yeah, ‘course I am.” Bucky rakes his fingers through the hairs there at the nape of that dainty neck, scritches the scalp with all four of his main ones, and uncovers a white long scar sliding round once he lifts the hairs there. “Why wouldn’t I be? Gonna be a father soon.”

Buck does jerk then, away from his touch and wheeling his chair around to glare at Bucky; it’s an impressively executed little pirouette and John misses the feel of his warm neck and oil soft hair. “Jesus John.” he reprimands.

“We’re gonna get outta here Buck.” John swears, he’s so sure of it because he cannot in all his thinking and predicting ever imagine a scenario where they don’t, and he chooses to think it’s not delusion but a good omen. “Ida’s gonna have that baby and when it’s safe we’ll all meet up.”

Gale is looking at him like he’s his own father again, Bucky knows that look, it always makes him equal parts ashamed and desperate, “Jus’ like that.” Gale mocks in a husky gust.

It’s devastating, and it’s intended to be, and Bucky could bear that with better humor if he could still touch Gale and his hair. “Just like that.”

Gale hums and it’s a mean sorta vocalization that makes Bucky’s heart thud and his skin prickle hot, it’s the kinda noise you kiss off a person, he thinks, but it’s Buck and so he doesn’t know what to do with it. “It’s gonna get you killed.” Buck is saying instead and Bucky lets him, “I know you all think she’s cracked up and maybe she has but it wouldn’t hurt to listen to Kendeigh sometimes when she’s tellin’ ya shit that a five year old could accurately guess, -goddamn it.”

His voice rose to a strong rage by the end and Bucky takes a chair opposite him, sick of standing there like a dumb dog waiting for his scolding to be over. “So what.” Bucky challenges him, “We just wait around and Brady pops out a child and the krauts let us keep it and it’s our new mascot and we all sing zippidy doo da, huh? Huh, Buck?”

Gale’s hands fell away from his face with a slam to the table, a shocking degree of anger showing for a split second and it gave Bucky an odd degree of gratification. “I jus’ want you to find a plan with better odds.”

Bucky sniffed and leaned forward, went in for the kill and Gale was looking at him like he expected it, like it was his turn to play daddy to everyone here and Gale for once was so beaten down he wouldn’t just allow the changing of the guard, he was close to angry at its lateness. It made Bucky’s heart thud.

“I’ve been listening to Kendeigh.” Bucky refuted briefly, “And we’ve got a plan.” Gale gave him a tired look of encouragement to go on, “How long’s it been since you slept? Huh, well, we got a plan. Practically perfect, or it will be, just need the radio.”

“Ain’t giving this away.” Gale said, “Not for anythin’, even useless.”

Bucky patted the table top in easy assurance, if he could have reached Buck’s thigh, he’d have patted that instead, “No, no, don’t need to give it away, just need it to work. So,” he softened his voice and his eyes tightened, “I’m callin’ Lu in.”

Oddly, Gale does not fight it. Not aloud, at least. There’s an anguished look of hate on his face and Bucky mirrors it. It’s for this place and the fucking awful choices they have to choose from every goddamn day.

“You run this by Ida?” is all he asks.

Bucky pops his flaking lips audibly, “What, need us both gangin’ up on you to agree? She’ll sign off. Smith’s an officer. Gotta remember that sometimes, Buck.”

The way his Buck swallows hard and dry contradicts his words, “I do remember that.”

“Really?” Bucky’s mouth gives a soft smile of doubtful incredulity and Gale’s mimics it, mournful but a smirk all the same, “Feel like she should answer to ‘Gale’s Baby’ these days. Lieutenant Smith who?”

Gale scoffs, “Careful now.”

“No really, she’s an officer and she wants to be treated like one. It’ll do her good to have work. Her kinda work.”

“Could get her killed.”

“Layin’ in her bunk could do that.”

Gale grunts, its sounds like an agreement.

“So I say Lieutenant Smith gets put on radio detail. Like her goddamn job description suggests. Huh, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Gale lets out a shaky agreement.

“Aaaaand,” Bucky draws it out as he rises again and saunters over to Buck who is ready for him and loose this time, “how bout I go back to bein’ the one you’re frettin’ ‘bout all the time. Got me almost jealous of the girl. How ‘bout I do. Huh?”

Gale’s scoff is fond as anything as he looks up at John with cheerful derision, “And you ‘bout to be a father? Make me an old man? Fuck no, ya looney.”

“Alright.” Bucky concedes with hands up in surrender before lurching forward and grasping Gale’s rickety chair back by its wobbly spokes and hefting it partially off the ground, beautiful and outraged prude of an occupant still seated in it, “Then I’ll play daddy and put you to bed, how ‘bout that.”

“John Egan for fucks sake-“ Gale’s fists pounded on the meat of his shoulders and his outraged protests wafted against Bucky’s neck and his jabbing knees collided with the meat of his thighs and Bucky hadn’t felt so close to him or so happy to be alive since England.

“Major sir, the hell is goin’ on?” Demarco’s tame inquiry from the safety of the doorway made them both lose their grapple and they collided together onto the floor, bunk bed barely missed by their heads and the hapless chair mixed up between their limbs.

Bucky grinned, hip sore from his fall and kidneys suffering from Buck’s trapped elbow there, “Puttin’ Goldilocks to bed.” he replied.

DeMarco processed that and the scene before him with grave sobriety before saluting lazily and turning to go, “Right on, sir.”

John did his best to rise up without further pinching Gale who was indeed trapped beside him and beneath him, chair legs wound between a lanky human leg in a puzzle that Bucky realized might take some caution to untangle without harm. Strangely, Buck wasn’t moving, he was just looking up at him like a cat would their clumsy master who has done somethin’ stupid which was a surprise to neither. It was so innocuous a look and so nostalgic, it winded Bucky with the realization he hadn’t seen it in ages, just as he hadn’t felt his boney ribs against his own and the feel of his elegant hands yanking him around in a fight. This miserable place really was stomping out the glow in the best people.

“Ya know Buck,” he ventured, clearing his throat for extra casualness, “I’ve missed you.” When Gale only kept looking up at him, perfect porcelain face with its unsettling scars and wary eyes without a lick of storm in them, John Egan grabbed his shovel and dug his own grave a little deeper, drug a finger down his cheek. “Missed all this.”

Bucky didn’t know what he meant by “this” but it felt safer and worse all at once, since he did miss Buck but he and Buck never used to hang out on floors with a chair as chaperone. Mercifully, Buck neither points that out nor moves away, acting very much like he needed to heaped on the floor with Bucky and a stray chair every bit as much as John did. Like it’s doing him good.

“And you couldn’t’ve jus’ said.” Gale murmurs with the softest eye roll of the century and Bucky feels like beaming and it must show in his face so strong and bright after a sunless winter that after a flash Gale’s cheeks flame from it and he averts his eyes.

“I dunno Buck, could I?” Egan asks one blushing cheek and Gale hasn’t got a good reply for that, so they just lay there on the floor.

“Go on now, get off me.” Gale doesn’t shove at him, he presses his hand to John’s forehead like he would a dog and John goes, obedient as one.

———————————————————————-

They found Lu with Murph and Benny and Brady, measuring out what seemed to be lot lines between Love Shack #9 and the next combine, boot scuffed perimeters already visible in the light snow and drawn in a decently tidy rectangle. There were guards loitering nearby, nosey as always with their cigarettes and their antsy dogs anytime someone did something out there besides piss or pace or stare at the fence.

“What’s all this?” Bucky inquired cheerfully, coming up to them with Gale, bundled and shivering behind him.

Benny looked up from tilling a furrow with his boot, right where Lu’s mittened finger pointed out. “It’s for the garden. S’posed to be spring before long.”

“A Chicago man oughta know better, Benny.” Egan snarked.

“Need us?”

Bucky sniffed, a casual set to his body that belied his quest, “Just the little one.”

Smith promptly looked startled, then eager. “All well Majors?”

“Need your advice on the color of my cufflinks with this suit.” Bucky extended his arm and beckoned her, “C’mon back in for a minute. One of you too, need a watch to go with the cufflinks.”

———————————————————————

With Benny on guard, Brady and Kendeigh having excavated the radio’s shell from the floorboard and table leg in which it resided, the Buckies stood over Smith’s small frame as she sat at the table and inspected the simplistic device with keen eyed appreciation for the construct.

“It’s really marvelous.” she assured Cleven, running her fingers over the carefully coiled wire and precarious pin.

Gale didn’t even crack a smile. “What’s wrong with it?” he asked instead.

She shook her head, a frown gathering. “Never made one-“ she cautioned.

“-but you get the idea.”

“Yes sir, I do.”

“So what’s wrong.”

Lu ran her fingers over the wire, again and again, the dusty metal not insulated, just bare copper, likely stripped from somewhere. It reminded her of early days as a cadet when they threw chicken wire mixed with hydraulic lines at herself and her fellow rookie engineers and told them to sort it, testing to see if they knew which was which. It had been so rudimentary she had wanted to laugh until she realized others were being flunked.

This was so basic she was stumped.

“Take your time, Lu.” Bucky spoke up after a burdened pause during which she could almost feel Major Cleven breathing down her neck.

“Candy, can I try with the headphone?” she asked at last, frustrated and out of her element, just a few months out of a plane and she had already lost her touch.

Maureen passed it over and Lu pressed it to her ear, not to discern what was quite obviously radio silence, but to imagine the whole process in reverse, track it down the cord all the way to the base, each possible breakdown of the conduction.

She fingered the ramshackle diode with burgeoning suspicion. “What’s your crystal?”

“That’s just…lead.” Cleven muttered.

“From?”

“Ground pencils.” Bucky supplied cheerfully.

Smith bit her lip, “We need sulfur added. Lead won’t conduct on its own.” She figured Cleven knew that, the grim and unmoving set of his mouth suggested so.

“Just- sulfur?” Maureen asked.

“If I had sulfur we could add it to the lead dust, ignite it and-“ Smith grinned at Kendeigh, knowing that she alone may have shared her enjoyment of a small conflagration from time to time, “burn it down and you’ve got something close enough to Galena. Just need a pinch of it should work.”

Bucky shoved his hands in his pockets and surveyed the mostly morose room. All except for the two girls grinning at each other over the hypothetical of a little chemistry experiment in a highly flammable wooden combine.

“We’ve got sandy soil.” Buck’s contemplative drawl spoke up, “Dunno if we could extract enough pure sulfur.”

Maureen stared back at Egan instead, “Other sectors have gotten portions of kits, chemistry kits, radio kits, they’ve been smuggled in with all sorts of stuff. Inside of a violin, oat bags. Nothing to fully build something. They might have sulfur. I could make inquiries and- well, Jack could pick it up next time the band goes over C compound to entertain the poor Aussie bastards.”

“How do you kno- nevermind, actually. Nevermind.” Bucky broke off, “Alright. Sure, why not. Ya sure that’s it?” he asked Lu once more.

She gave a helpless little shrug. “Gotta be. Or the wire’s dirty. Where’d it come from anyway?”

Gale gave Bucky a long suffering look as Bucky seemed to swell a couple inches and bounce back on his heels at the mention of his scrounging prowess. “The lamp.” he nodded above them all.

Jack Brady scoffed, short, clipped, betrayed, “That why it cuts out all the time? Strobed us so bad last night -thought the room was possessed.”

“Sacrifices Jack, sacrifices.”

———————————————————

Benny had hauled in enough water buckets to elicit some negative attention from the guards, and when the inspection came the inmates of the Love Shack insisted the drenched floors and table of the Majors’ barracks were due to sanitation post regurgitation. At night, with only one stolen torch light from Combine 15 to illuminate the endeavor, a basin of water beneath a smaller bowl in which lay their precious and recently procured ingredients, a science experiment began. The Majors and Ida gathered round, all looking as ghastly and spectral in the light of the flashlight as Brady’s fake ghost. It held the thrill of a bonfire night except for the stakes, which all in the room did their best not to dwell on.

“Zippo, Candy.” Lu gave the word and Maureen, with only the protection of Ida’s bent aviators to keep from a scorched cornea, flicked on her lighter and set the mixed powders ablaze.

It flamed up high and smelly, making Benny gag and mutter something about Meatball’s gas to a tittering Brady, and then died down to a yellow smoking ember.

“We should let it sit.” Lu surmised with a squeeze to Maureen’s only somewhat singed hand, her big dark eyes surveying the burnt bowl and their smoking experiment with glittery excitement at the possibility of success, “Let it cool, settle, maybe strain it. Can you get me a net? Oh Candy come now, get me a strainer?” she begged with a laugh as Maureen rolled her eyes at the idea of yet another trip to the Stalag Market for the most random items imaginable. If they hoped to not be suspicious, they’d need better lies or more money.

“How about cheesecloth?” Kendeigh tried not to grin indulgently- and failed- in the face of Lu and having recently been allowed to set something on fire

Lu kissed her cheek. “Cheesecloth would be perfect.”

In the end, cheesecloth did indeed prove perfect, and amongst the burnt dust of the combined minerals was a gritty little pinch full of the needed crystals. Or so Lu said, Gale agreed but the crease between his brows hadn’t lifted for two days; Bucky’s fingers had begun to twitch in antsy need to manually smooth them out. He imagined Maureen felt the same but she hadn’t said, uncharacteristically forbearant now she had some job to keep her sane. Even if it was playing fetch for Lu.

—————————————————————

“Well, this is it.” Gale muttered when the watch had been set once more, Murph and Hambone on the steps, Crank inside, Brady at the door, Benny at the window. Even Major Clark had joined them in the barracks for this final try and Lu’s cheeks were maroon from the attention even as her deft hands steadily pressed her concoction beneath its intended rod.

“Pass me the pliers, sir?” She asked and for a moment, the teacher became the apprentice and Gale fetched her the stalag forged tool, rudimentary like everything here yet the gripped and pulled and lifted same as the pliers back home. “You could check your look in this wire’s reflection.” She complimented Gale’s buffing of the copper wire.

He shrugged in turn. “Didn't wanna leave anythin’ to chance. That it?” he asked as her hands stalled and she surveyed her work.

Lu nodded solemnly. “Yes sir.”

Gale picked up the headphone from in front of him on the table like it was a gun he was about to bring to his head. “Here.” He extended it to her instead, “S’right, it was your job, you should be the first. Cmon.”

Despite her voiceless protest he pressed the headphones into her hands and Lu, never knowing how to disobey an officer, folded immediately.

For a good ten seconds everyone in the room held their breath as Smith pressed the headphone to her ear and gently wiggled the clothespin along the wire, searching and tuning, her face holding that old peaceful concentration they hadn’t seen since the last mission. She was at home with her mind tuned to another dimension. The pilots in the room knew that look, that was the look of someone at home with something that terrified them all the same, the gut swooping feeling of clearing the take off and sledding along the tops of the clouds. Wrong and strange and utterly incomparable to others, it was the closest to home one’s mind could be. Lu belonged somewhere on those electric currents and searching them out was like finding oneself again.

Then at last, Lu’s eyes sharpened out of their dreamy haze of concentration and she said, gentle as always, “It’s the BBC sir.”

💋 Hope you enjoyed! Feedback is a writer’s lifeblood, please feel free to scream in comments or the inbox, I love it and wanna hear it all. Trust me, nothing is “too dumb”. Your thoughts mean the world to me.

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#those who can #masters of the air #mota #mota fanfic #gale cleven #bucky egan #clegan #tallulah smith #john egan #john egan fanfiction #Gale Cleven fanfic #buck Cleven #mota fanfiction #mota oc #mine

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palaeoplushies · 2 days

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Not to seem old but I'm kind of baffled by how the term "fandom" has grown. I'm still used to thinking of it in terms of fans of certain pieces of media, or maybe social groups (like the furry fandom).

I personally have never considered palaeontology to have a potential "fandom" in the same way I wouldn't consider people who enjoy bird watching or amateur archaeologists to be part of a "ornithology fandom" or "archaeology fandom".

I feel like, in this context, the term fandom is kind of demeaning and disregards the input that amateur or hobbyist palaeontologists or palaeoartists actually have on the field of palaeontology as a whole.

I suppose that there are people who are interested in palaeontology in a more fandom-ish way. I'm definitely involved in fandoms even if it's in a more hands-off capacity than some, but I don't feel that "palaeo fan" is a good way to describe many people who are interested in palaeontology.

I don't personally consider myself a "palaeo fan", but rather a member of the palaeontological community, even though I'm not an active researcher anymore (academia wasn't for me) but I definitely see the subject as something I'm involved with, not a fan -of-, if that makes sense?

#musings #palaeontology #palaeoplushies #paleontology

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monaluppo · 2 days

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What is Ravager Rush?

The Hermitcraft Server has been overtaken by a whole new kind of craze in the making.

Ravager Rush is the game of the season. (They don't call it Frogger for trademark reasons.)

The goal is quite simple: race to the end. Be quick and you'll get some Frog Coins to spend.

Everyone has great potential to win. When you're ready, let the challenge begin!

The road and the river can be quite deceiving. Avoiding the ravagers requires some weaving.

Size up the traffic. Don't lose the sight of oncoming mobs— Look out, to your right!

You barely dodged the beast speeding past. You have to be swift. Move forward steadfast.

It's not very wise jumping the gun. Instead, choose the right moment to run.

Take a step back and wait for the last one of the Sunday Drivers to pass.

Now is your chance! No time for stopping. Remember to keep on swerving and hopping.

And just like that, the road is nearing the end as you reach a small grassy clearing.

Here you can take a breath of respite. Until, a snake! Watch out for its bite!

You don't have much time to consider the path you should take, before crossing the river.

Skipping across a lily pad trail is a perilous sport: don't stop or you'll fail!

Head for the gates, keep your eyes on the prize and give it your all. Any less won't suffice.

As you're evading the frightening foes, you can almost feel them nibbling your toes.

Adrenaline pumping and pulse through the roof; in a panic—you clutch—and just make it through!

Congrats, you did it! If you reach more gates, you might get to run up the score.

If you can't manage to finish the track, it's alright— you can run it right back.

Everyone struggles at first just the same. Improving your skills is all part of the game.

You might want to practice with other sweats. Spurring one another is as fun as it gets!

Push your own limits or compete with a friend. Race through the course again and again!

...

Extra libel (/j):

In Ravager Rush, there's always a way for [insert ravager name here] to ruin your day.

You don't know the pattern like the back of your palm, if you get run over by Bdub's Mom.

You change the lane, and Tango's Cough misses. Instead, you bump into a load of Neck Kisses.

Do you really think you've practiced enough, when even the ravagers call you washed up?

A message to Hermits: sleep is just fiction. Give in to your crippling gaming addiction!

#hermitcraft #ravager rush #frogger #poem #rhyme #hermitcraft fanart #fanart #pixel art #my art #ethoslab #goodtimeswithscar #smallishbeans #pearlescentmoon #ijevin #cubfan135 #tangotek #bdoubleo100

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pressplay-if · 21 hours

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To think I was worried about this IF ending up too short for anyone to be interested.

The hospital section in this Chapter alone is only getting longer and longer. I keep thinking of new important details and little extra scenes to add just to complete the psych ward experience (TM).

Some interesting details about Zima and MC's past mental state below cut (might be important):

Zima has now had their first interview section, mainly determining the details of the nature of their past involvement with MC. There's a total of four options. If you enjoyed the choice of Stevie having a crush on MC, you're gonna love this.

MC can be hospitalized due to either depression or social anxiety, as these are the only conditions that I feel wholly comfortable writing. I considered also offering a combination of the two, but ultimately decided against it, as the MC's oast mental illness will eventually influence the future of the story and I want those paths to be very distinct and different.

Please mind that, while everyone who suffers from mental illness of any kind has their own totally subjective and individual experience with it, I'm writing social phobic and depressive MCs with certain "set" symptoms. Here are some set elements:

Social phobia MCs experience physical symptoms and selective mutism. They are nervous and quiet, so all their interactions, especially in the beginning of their hospitalization (even when picking the antagonistic options) will reflect that. So if you're wondering why MC seems to be acting meek or "submissive", it's bc of their affliction not allowing them to be as outspoken as they might like to be. Social phobia MCs have a general exhaustion of life, given they live in constant stress, but they do not self-harm. They are prone to sleep disturbances.

Depressive MCs experience listlessness, irritation (which can makes them more prone to acting aggressively), feelings of self-loathing and dissatisfaction. They have a heightened need for sleep and will report not wanting to get out of bed. They can, in fact, choose to be currently practicing self-harm, or to have done so in the past. However, even if they choose to have never self-harmed, they will report thoughts of suicide.

Either MC will be medicated during their time in the clinic. It's a small text section and a slight bit vague as my medical knowledge, despite my research efforts, is limited. The MC will get to choose how to feel about the drugs and the potential side effects, though.

Either MC will be able to additionally describe symptoms indicating neurodivergence.

Either MC can choose to be underage smoking, drinking or both during this time. Or neither, of course.

So thanks for reading all that! Small disclaimer: I know very well that the depression and social phobia symptoms I chose to write about are NOT universally representative. This all might sound like the routes are very set, but there's actually a ton of customization going on in this chapter, so don't you worry! (Also it's gonna be rly important for the future of the band)

#pressplay if #interactive fiction #if wip #mental health #tw: mental health

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hanjsquokka · 2 days

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strawberry cake.

kim seungmin × fem!reader — high school! au, childhood friends to potential lovers, fluff

summary — seungmin only needs one present on his birthday, and it isn't the sugary dessert you made for him.

word count — 1.1K

warnings — fluff, fluff, FLUFF!!

author's note — happy seungmin day 🩷 i actually managed to post a fic on a member's birthday, who am i. initially thought of my baseball ksm fic but i know i'm not gonna finish that lol and his instagram posts were very inspiring. i think i watched this happen in some movie or tv show i watched, i don't remember 😭 but i thought it was really cute, lmk what you guys think <3

please consider leaving feedback in the comments or reblogs as they really make my day 💕

Kim Seungmin didn't like celebrating his birthday that much. Sure, he liked receiving a few gifts from his friends and a happy birthday here and there, but he didn't like the blowout parties that you loved. On your birthday, you would plan this whole thing, inviting friends from school and neighbors to celebrate your birthday. You were a social butterfly, so he understood why you did that. You loved being surrounded by people you cherished. Your birthday was just an excuse to call everyone over and spend time with them.

Seungmin, however, liked keeping his celebrations more reserved. His mother greeted him in the morning, making his favorite breakfast to eat and favorite lunch to take to school. His dad handed him some cash to buy something to eat after school, which he usually didn't do and opted to save it for a better cause. His sister offered to take him out for lunch on the weekend.

Of course, being the wonderful and amazing best friend that you were (your words), you always went out of your way to do something. Like this year, you presented him with a small cake slightly smushed in your lunch box with haphazardly thrown purple sprinkles.

“I made it from scratch,” you added with a big grin as you sat in front of his desk. His friends had left a few moments ago to play on the school grounds. He'd stayed back, finishing up the last of his lunch and letting it settle in his stomach before he ran around playing soccer. A small smile formed on his face; he could never dislike your enthusiasm for his birthday.

“It looks... artistic,” he said in an amused tone, looking up from the lunch box to your face, which was scrunched up in a frown.

“I didn't know the box would be small... And hey, I baked this for you; at least show some appreciation!”

Seungmin laughed. “Sorry, thank you for making this cake for me.” He meant that; he knew that you knew it too, because your shoulders relaxed, and you prompted him to take a bite and tell him how it tasted. There was a little too much sugar for his liking, but he didn't tell you that, instead nodding his head in approval and eating more of it. It was strawberry-flavored, his favorite. It warmed his heart that you always went out of your way to do things the way that he liked.

When he looked back at you, you were tucking a strand of hair back as you ate a spoonful. The longer he looked at you, the faster his heartbeat went, his body feeling hot right up to the tip of his ears. It was a weird feeling, but not foreign. Lately, it had been happening more often. He started seeing you in a different light, something other than a friend—not just any friend, but a childhood friend. He wasn't naive; he knew what crushes were, and he knew he had one on you.

It was a realization he had come across a few months ago when his family and yours went to the carnival over the summer and the two of you had gotten separated. He came home that day, heart tap dancing in his ribcage and a never-ending smile on his face from the way you jumped with excitement after you worked together to win the obviously rigged carnival games and winning a plushie.

Some part of him knew that. You liked him back as well; he hoped his brain wasn't playing tricks on him when he saw the way your eyes lit up after seeing him. The innocent friendship you two shared was morphing into something different—a good different.

That evening, while the two of you were walking home after the extra classes you had, the crisp evening air sent a tingle down his spine as he walked along the pavement, listening to whatever you were talking about and adding his own insights whenever he felt like it.

“Oh, hey, look! Tteokbokki!” You said excitedly, pointing to the food cart run by a middle-aged woman serving the steaming hot spicy rice cakes to a few customers. With a tug of his arm, you dragged him over and ordered one spicy one for both of you to share. He didn't like eating spice as much as you did, but he didn't want to say no to you. After a short debate, he used his birthday money to pay for the food, and the two of you walked along the riverside slowly as you ate.

“Mm, these are good,” you let out a satisfied hum and continued eating.

“They are,” he agreed. The spice was present at the back of his throat, but it was weirdly good after the oversweet cake he had during lunch.

“It tastes good after eating that sugar monster I made, right?” Seungmin turned his head to look at you. “What? Don't give me that look, that cake was so sweet, how did you even finish the whole thing? It tasted like I dumped a whole box of sugar in the batter.”

“True… But you made it, so I wanted to eat it,” he admitted, feeling his face flush lightly. If you teased him about it, he was going to brush it off and blame it on the tteokbokki, but your own cheeks mimicked his, tinging red at his sudden admission.

“Still,” you protested, “I'll have to make a better one that doesn't taste like cavities.”

“I like the oversweet one. Maybe I'm an extra sugar kinda person.”

"No, you're not.”

“It wasn't even that bad.”

“Now you're just lying.”

The two of you dissolved into laughter, finishing up the last of your food. The walk home continued in relative silence for a while, him mulling over his words and wondering if he made you uncomfortable because you were too quiet. Before he could make an apology, you spoke quietly.

“I'm glad you liked it, but I still wish I could've given you a better birthday present.”

He stared at the path in front of them, the streets lit up by lamps and porch lights. “You already gave me the perfect birthday present.”

You tilted your head to the side. “What?”

“You,” he blurted out, regretting his words the next second, but once he saw your flustered reaction, his nerves calmed a little. “Now let's go home and act surprised at whatever my parents planned.” You giggled in response and nodded, your footsteps falling in sync as you walked beside him.

“Happy birthday, Seungmin.”

“You said that like ten times today!”

TAGLIST : @stayconnecteed @starlostastronaut @ta3baee @caitlyn98s @bbokari711 @manuosorioh @oddracha @n1nme4r @dprkbyn @sleepyleeji @realrintaro @starlostseungmin @baby-stay92 @frequentlykit @cookiesandcreammy @15092000volcano

comment/send an ask/dm me to be added or removed from the taglist 💕 or fill out this form 🫶🏼

©hanjsquokka | copying, translating or republishing my work is strictly prohibited

#k-labels #neverendingdreams-net #stray kids #stray kids x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids fluff #skz #skz x reader #skz imagines #skz fluff #kim seungmin x reader #kim seungmin fluff #kim seungmin #seungmin x reader #seungmin fluff #seungmin #seungmin imagines #kim seungmin imagines

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andy-wm · 23 hours

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AYS Behind the scenes: behind the paywall

Now that the Disney+ episodes are complete (sob), my attention is firmly fixed on my mailbox as I wait impatiently for the AYS photobook and QR code.

I was always going to buy the Jikook photobook, even though I doubt there will be much we haven't already seen in the episodes. But the inclusion of the QR code was the clincher.

I must admit, Hybe locking up the behind the scenes for AYS was not on my bingo sheet.

Making behind/additional clips available on Bangtan TV would have been more in line with their regular MO. We don't generally have to pay for what really amounts to outtakes.

Okay, yes, we have to pay for behind cuts of Run BTS, but the actual episodes are free. With everything else the behind clips are included when you buy the series (I'm thinking of BV, ITS, and concert boxed sets).

In fact I can't think of any other time a behind/ bonus clip hasn't been available to fans who pay for the main content.

Maybe it is because Hybe was only contracted to deliver 8 episodes to Disney+ and the price was fixed. Maybe they saw an easy way to make the series more profitable.

We know they will take any opportunity to lighten our wallets.

But I think there's more to it

Let's talk business:

If Hybe wanted to make money from this, having the sale point directly on Weverse would make more sense. That way anyone could buy it any time without having to buy the photobook as well. Even if they charged just a few $$ for these extra clips, the return could be substantial over time. Long tail products can be very lucrative and Hybe clearly knows this - they have heaps of old footage for sale on Weverse. Since they're hosting the content already, it makes sense to keep that 'buy now' button active and let the dollars trickle in.

So why reduce the potential pool of buyers? Why limit this to those who buy the photobook??

Well, let's consider who is going to buy the photobook?

Who is going to fork out US$28 plus postage for a keepsake of these two on their third honeymoon?

I doubt OT7 ARMYs would buy it. Even ARMYs who bias JM or JK - if they aren't part of the SGMB they probably don't want it either.

Solos sure as hell don't want it - they are probably wishing the whole thing never happened... sucks to be them haha

Who really wants to see these two living their best lives together?

We do!

And by we, I mean Jikook supporters.

People who want to see more of this:

and this

And this

We are the people who will buy this photobook (and probably never look at it more than once, let's be honest)

But let's get back to the topic at hand....

The photobook/behind combo seems like a chicken/egg situation to me.

Which came first - as a concept - the photobook or the behind clips?

Did they decide to offer a photobook, and then think of adding the extra footage to make it more appealing?

Or vice versa?

Did they decide to make the behind clips, and think of the photobook afterwards?

Hard to say, since behind clips have always been a thing and recently Hybe is putting out photobooks for everything.

But I think I have a fair idea

Consider the price point for this photobook - it's the same price as most of the others produced recently: +-US$28.

AYS photobook & behind is the same price as the Photo-Folios, Tae's Type 1 (magazine version) photobook, and the Beyond The Stage photobook

🗣 So they aren't charging any extra for the behind footage?

No, they aren't. They're basically giving it to the buyers of the photobook as a gift.

🗣 Could they be making money off it?

Yes, the could.

Long tail, remember?

Looking at the profit-making potential, it makes WAY more sense for Hybe to offer the behind footage on Weverse for a few meagre dollars and... wait for their ship to come in...

See what I did there? hahahhaha (laughing by myself)

They really aren't making any money off this!

how unlike Hybe...

So why go to the effort of setting up QR codes and putting it behind a paywall? It costs money to host content this way. They are in fact SPENDING money to bring us this footage.

Not only through the hosting costs there are also production costs to consider.

Wouldn't it make more sense to just freely share it with ARMY via Bangtan TV? Or not release it at all?

Yes, it would...

So there's only one logical answer...

Hybe has chosen to make the content available - but also make it just that little bit more difficult to access.

This whole exercise seems to be about releasing additional footage without releasing it to the general public. It's being shared specifically with those of us who support them.

Does that mean we'll see slightly more personal content?

Maybe it's a little more revealing of their undeniable bond and their hot chemistry...?

Whatever they contain, these behind clips are definitely for a limited audience - and purposefully so.

The only reason for it, that I can think of, is to safeguard Jimin and Jungkook from too much scrutiny and criticism - from within the fandom (unfortunately) and outside of it.

We will find out in a few days I guess.

In the meantime, I'm camped out by my mailbox

#kookmin #jeon jungguk #park jimin #jikook #국민 #true love #jikook ays #jikook are you sure

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merwgue · 2 days

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"Rhysand hasn't done anything wrong"

Here’s a breakdown of the actual legal crimes Rhysand could be charged with, based on real-world laws:

A Court of Thorns and Roses (Book 1)

1. Sexual Assault – Rhysand forces Feyre into non-consensual situations, including touching her and kissing her while under the influence of drugs.

2. Drugging/Administration of a Controlled Substance – He forces Feyre to drink faerie wine (a mind-altering substance), which removes her ability to consent and control her actions.

3. Kidnapping/False Imprisonment – Under the Mountain, Rhysand traps Feyre into a bargain that forces her to spend time with him, effectively limiting her freedom.

A Court of Mist and Fury (Book 2)

1. Sexual Harassment – Rhysand frequently engages in unwanted physical contact with Feyre, coercing her in various ways under the pretext of their bargain.

2. Psychological Abuse/Coercion – The manipulation and psychological control Rhysand exerts over Feyre could be classified as emotional abuse, which can carry legal ramifications depending on the jurisdiction.

A Court of Wings and Ruin (Book 3)

1. Trespassing – Rhysand repeatedly enters Tamlin’s lands without permission, which would be considered trespassing by legal standards.

2. Incitement to Violence/Sabotage – Rhysand knowingly encourages Feyre to sabotage the Spring Court while she’s undercover, which could lead to charges of inciting criminal behavior.

3. Attempted Murder (by Suggestion) – While not directly responsible, suggesting that someone (Tamlin) should kill themselves could be viewed as reckless endangerment or incitement to self-harm, which is illegal in many places.

A Court of Frost and Starlight (Novella)

1. Harassment – Rhysand's continued psychological harassment of Tamlin could potentially be charged as harassment, particularly given its persistent nature.

General Crimes Throughout the Series you can face up to a life sentence with :

1. Assault – Rhysand has a history of using his powers to physically and mentally harm others, especially when he forces Feyre into certain situations or physically manipulates her.

2. Torture – His treatment of the people in the Court of Nightmares, particularly through physical and psychological intimidation, could be considered torture or cruel and inhumane treatment under international human rights law.

3. Abuse of Power/Authority – Rhysand frequently abuses his position as High Lord, using his powers to manipulate, control, and coerce others, which could be considered an abuse of authority. (Hm hm, remember what happend to saddam Hussain?)

4. Kidnapping/False Imprisonment – By forcibly keeping Nesta in the House of Wind without her consent, Rhysand is restricting her freedom and movement. This can be legally classified as kidnapping or false imprisonment.

5. Endangerment of a Mentally Ill Person – Nesta is clearly dealing with severe trauma, depression, and possibly PTSD. Locking her up without proper care or therapy can be considered neglect and endangerment of someone with a mental illness, especially since she was using alcohol to cope. (Those teen-help programs.)

6. Illegal Detainment Without Licensing – The Night Court is not a rehabilitation facility, and Rhysand has no legal authority or medical qualifications to keep Nesta there against her will. This would violate laws that protect individuals with mental health issues from being detained in non-medical facilities by non-professionals.

4. Emotional and Psychological Abuse – Forcing Nesta into isolation and removing her autonomy could be seen as a form of emotional and psychological abuse, which has legal ramifications in many jurisdictions.

In a real-world legal system, these actions could be prosecuted as criminal offenses, including sexual assault, kidnapping, drugging, trespassing, harassment, and psychological abuse.

So yea, you're dear old boy would be in JAIL by now.

Now let's calculate The charges against Rhysand, if brought to a real-world court system, could lead to significant legal consequences. Let’s break down the potential sentences for each crime, based on common legal standards in many countries:

Possible Sentence: 5 to 20 years in prison, depending on the severity and jurisdiction.

1. Sexual Assault

Sexual assault is a serious crime, and the penalties are harsh, especially if the victim is incapacitated (e.g., under the influence of drugs, as Feyre was).

2. Drugging/Administration of a Controlled Substance

Possible Sentence: 2 to 10 years in prison.

Administering drugs to someone without their knowledge or consent is considered a felony in many places and carries a substantial sentence, especially when done to facilitate control or assault.

3. Kidnapping/False Imprisonment (Feyre and Nesta)

Possible Sentence: 10 to 30 years in prison.

Kidnapping, especially when it involves controlling someone’s freedom against their will (like forcing Feyre and Nesta into his control), carries one of the longest prison terms.

4. Endangerment of a Mentally Ill Person (Nesta)

Possible Sentence: 5 to 15 years in prison.

This charge involves negligence and the failure to provide proper care for someone in a vulnerable state. In this case, Rhysand locking Nesta up without professional help can result in significant legal consequences.

5. Harassment/Emotional and Psychological Abuse (Tamlin and Nesta)

Possible Sentence: 1 to 5 years in prison (for each offense).

Emotional abuse and psychological harassment can carry prison sentences if they lead to significant harm, especially if Rhysand’s actions contributed to worsening their mental states.

6. Trespassing (Spring Court)

Possible Sentence: 1 year or fines.

Trespassing, while a less severe crime, can result in fines or a brief prison sentence, depending on how frequently and aggressively it’s done.

7. Torture/Abuse of Power (Hewn City)

Possible Sentence: 10 to 25 years in prison.

Torturing or inflicting severe harm, even in a ruling capacity, could result in lengthy imprisonment under human rights laws.

8. Failure to Prevent Mutilation (Wing Clipping in Illyria):

Crime: Complicity in Mutilation/Assault – In many countries, allowing or failing to prevent acts of bodily harm, especially when in a position of power, can lead to charges of complicity or negligence. Clipping wings is comparable to physical mutilation.

Potential Sentence: 10 to 20 years per incident, depending on the severity of harm. Rhysand, as High Lord, could be held accountable for allowing this to continue in the military camps he oversees.

9. Endangerment of Women’s Rights:

Crime: Neglect and Discrimination – The continued allowance of these practices in Illyria could be viewed as a form of systemic discrimination and neglect. Failure to protect women from harm, despite having the power to intervene, would likely result in charges related to discrimination and endangerment.

Potential Sentence: Civil penalties and lawsuits from the affected women, alongside possible criminal charges leading to fines and 5 to 10 years imprisonment per case of systemic abuse.

10. Complicity in Abuse and Torture (Hewn City):

Crime: Torture/Degrading Treatment – As the ruler of the Night Court, Rhysand maintains direct control over the Hewn City but allows its brutal social system to continue, particularly against women. Even though he doesn't directly participate in the abuse, turning a blind eye to it could result in complicity in human rights abuses or crimes akin to torture, especially since Hewn City is described as being "hell for women."

Potential Sentence: 10 to 25 years in prison for each case of torture or degrading treatment, with possible civil lawsuits and heavy fines.

11. Denial of Safe Haven and Equal Rights:

Crime: Violation of Human Rights – Women from Hewn City are barred from escaping their abusive environments, and Rhysand’s refusal to allow them into Velaris essentially traps them in dangerous situations. In the real world, denying refuge or asylum to those in danger can be classified as a violation of human rights.

Potential Sentence: 5 to 10 years for human rights violations, with additional civil penalties from lawsuits if women can prove they were harmed as a result of being denied safety.

Crimes Against Humanity – While not on the same scale as mass genocide or war crimes, the endangerment of entire groups of women through neglect, allowing mutilation, or complicity in torture can still fall under human rights violations. Such crimes are serious, and while they may not lead to a death sentence, they would likely result in long-term imprisonment, potential international condemnation, and severe civil penalties.

Maximum Sentence: If these charges were to be tried separately and consecutively, Rhysand could face up to 80 to 100+ years in prison

Likely Sentence: In a real-world legal system, some of these sentences may be served concurrently (at the same time), leading to a likely total sentence of 25 to 40 years in prison, depending on how the crimes are classified and judged.

Additionally, he would likely face civil penalties, lawsuits from the victims (e.g., Feyre and Nesta), and substantial fines.

Thank you for reading, if you want me to do any other character just say in the comments!❤️ (this took me over 2 days to research but I had my amazing dad helping me!♥️)

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munson-blurbs · 11 hours

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Living After Midnight (Failed Rockstar!Eddie x Motel Worker!Reader)

♫ Summary: All of the distractions in the world couldn't keep you from worrying about the potential fallout from your web of untruths--until a bigger issue arose. (5.5k words)

♫ CW: slowburn, strangers-to-lovers, angst, anxiety, parental conflict, poverty, brief religious zealotry, insecurities, secret relationship, public displays of affection, sexual fantasies, idiots in love, eventual smut (18+ only, minors DNI)

A/N: This chapter contains a scene I had imagined in my head and became the catalyst for this series--what would happen if Eddie encountered one of the NYC street preachers?

♫ Divider credit to @hellfire--cult

chapter thirteen: street smarts

You were supposed to be doing something. Checking the guest log, organizing the bills by due date, making a list of repairs that still needed to be made…something. Anything besides just standing behind the desk, watching Eddie’s biceps flex as he hauled the overfilled trash bag out to the Dumpster.

At this point, it was all busy work. Taking out the garbage, changing light bulbs, dusting furniture…all scraps of chores to keep him here. The moment he felt like he was being pitied—or worse, like he was being a burden—he’d leave. His pride was too strong and too loud to allow him to stay if he wasn’t working, even if that work was as interesting as watching paint dry.

That’s what it was.

“I need you to spackle a hole in Room 9,” you told him as he walked back into the lobby. “The guy staying here last night punched the wall, and it looks like he won.”

Eddie grimaced, flexing his own hand like he could feel the man’s pain. “Jesus. Yeah, sure.” He slid a rubber band off of his wrist and tied back his hair. The sleeves of his t-shirt had been cut into a tank top, though you weren’t sure if he’d done it or the shirt had been designed that way. “Where do you keep the spackle?”

You jabbed your thumb towards the supply closet behind you. Eddie started in that direction, but made an abrupt turn towards you. His arms snaked around your waist, his lips easily finding the crook of your neck.

Instinctively, your shoulder jerked upwards, protecting you from any further tickling, but Eddie only doubled down. His kisses became less of a whisper and more of a shout, each punctuated with a smacking mwah!

“Ed-die!” Your giggles broke his name into its syllables. “Quit it!”

He paused for a moment and pretended to consider your plea before continuing his barrage of kisses. “Hmm, don’t think I will.” His words were muffled, the vibrations sending tingles through your bloodstream. “What’re you doing after your shift?”

You scoffed. “Um, curling up under the covers and passing out?”

“What if…” He moved his lips to the back of your neck. “You curled up under my covers?”

The suggestion garnered a dual sensation of desire and dread. You wanted that more than anything: the intimacy of laying next to him, his body curled around yours, the rhythm of his breathing lulling you to sleep. The first night he was here, he wore only boxer briefs. If you slept beside him, would he wear more? Less? If he awoke with that natural, involuntary stiffness between his legs, would you feel it?

But then, despite everything within you leaning towards being with Eddie, reality set in. Your room was the closest to the lobby; how could you possibly skip over it without Dad noticing? Even if he didn’t notice, how could you sneak out of Eddie’s room without Mom seeing? Dad might be oblivious in the way that fathers so often are, but Mom was like a hawk. She could probably sense that you were considering disobeying her orders to keep away from Eddie.

“I’d have to sneak through your window. And then sneak back through my own window in the morning,” you mused.

“Or,” Eddie countered, spinning you around so you were facing him, “you could tell your parents that you couldn’t resist the cute handyman’s charming advances.”

His brown eyes gleamed with mischief as his hands dipped lower, squeezing your ass through your jeans. It took all of your willpower not to change the sign to read “NO VACANCY”—despite your many empty rooms—and drag him into his bed by the worn collar of his t-shirt.

“I will.” You wrinkled your nose. “Well, maybe not in those exact terms, but I will tell them we’re…y’know.”

Eddie took a small step back and crossed his arms. “We’re…what?” His tone was somewhere between perplexed and demanding, like he couldn’t believe you wouldn’t define the relationship while also hoping you would define it for him.

You had no idea what the answer was. ‘Friends’ was far too casual for two people who had been sucking face in the middle of Flushing Meadows Park just last week. ‘Dating’ seemed too formal for only having been on two dates, the first of which hadn’t even been officially stated as a date from the onset. ‘Fooling around in the laundry room every chance we get’ was more accurate, if not a little wordy.

“We’re getting to know each other. Intimately.” You added that last word in an attempt to show him just how much you cared about him. Whatever relationship limbo you two were in would only be temporary.

“Hmm.” A smirk tugged at Eddie’s lips. “Just how intimately are we talking here?” He tucked his forefinger into your belt loop and pulled you towards him, so close that you could feel his belt buckle through your shirt.

Glancing around to ensure no one was walking by, you pressed a small kiss to his lips. “I’m gonna tell them. I promise. Just give me a little time.”

Your heart ached when his shoulders slumped. You wanted to fix it all now, to face your anxiety head-on and tell your parents about Eddie. Tell them that you were together and that it could be something serious—without holding your breath for their approval.

But then there was that knife twisting in your gut, the one that echoed the same statements time and time again:

You’re a bad daughter You’re disappointing them You’re negating every sacrifice they’ve made

But now a new one joined them, just as unwelcome as the others:

You’re going to lose Eddie if you keep being a coward.

Eddie held your gaze for another beat before he broke it. His head tilted to the side, a slight pout forming on his lips. “Well, if you promise…” In one swift motion, he swooped in and kissed your cheek. When he pulled back, you wrapped your arms around his lithe waist and drew him back in. “Is that a yes for sneaking through my window?”

You gave him a gentle, playful shove and rolled your eyes, trying to ignore the fluttering butterflies that came with the idea. “Go spackle the wall.”

“Yes, dear.” He started towards the supply closet once more, calling out over his shoulder, “what time are we leaving for that college thing tomorrow?”

Everything he said and everything he did encroached closer and closer into relationship territory. Going to Admitted Students’ Day with you was something a boyfriend would do.

But he hadn’t asked you to be his girlfriend—not that it would make much of a difference. It wasn’t as though a label would suddenly afford you the freedom to show off your relationship. Besides your parents’ disapproval, that pesky news story about Death’s Echo’s new lead singer kept nagging at you. You technically had information about Eddie’s life that even he didn’t know, and you couldn’t figure out how to tell him.

“Noon at the latest.” You tried swallowing the lump in your throat, but it stayed put, so you just spoke above it. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I know school isn’t really your thing, so…”

Eddie poked his head out from the closet. “Noon it is.” When he emerged, he held the small spackle bucket and a wide putty knife. “By the way, I won’t, like, break out into hives or burst into flames if I go to a school.”

“I know.” Your body relaxed as his humor snaked through the crevices of your anxiety. “And I really do want to tell them about everything. About us, about NYU. It’s just…”

Goddamn the mist clouding your eyes. It was shameful, really, the pity party you were throwing for yourself. But how could you approach your parents and say, “Hey, by the way, I’m dating our de facto handyman. But don’t worry about the relationship affecting the business, because we’ll have to close the motel once I start graduate school in two months anyway. Also, I’m studying social work, not hospitality. Surprise!”

“Hey.” Eddie’s voice was soft, his thumb swiping over tears that fell despite your efforts to hold them back. “Look, if you don’t want me to go, just tell me.”

You shook your head. “I want you to go.” To emphasize your point, you kissed his cheek. The beginnings of stubble tickled your lips. “We can make a day of it. Grab some lunch or something.”

Eddie didn’t look wholly convinced, but he managed a smile. “And then I get to show off how smart you are.”

There was no point in arguing that everyone at Admitted Students’ Day was just as smart as you, if not smarter. Instead, you watched as he padded towards room nine.

What you wouldn’t give to cave to your desires and climb into his bed beside him. Whether you fell asleep immediately or spent the entire time with him firmly buried inside you was practically irrelevant. You were tempted to follow him right now and have sex with him in the vacant room.

But you didn’t want your first time together to be something you rushed through. Maybe it wouldn’t be the rose petals and naked guitar playing scenario that Ben and Nora had teasingly suggested, but you didn’t want to do it just to “get it over with.”

So you stayed put, drumming your fingers against the desk’s wood paneling, trying to ignore the heat pooling between your thighs. Someday, you promised yourself, Eddie would be the one to quell that need.

You left your room at noon the next day, armed with a smile and an alibi. Your usual excuse of running errands wouldn’t explain why you were wearing a black button-down dress and your Mary Jane heels.

The door to Eddie’s room creaked open as you passed by. Without wasting a moment, one tattooed arm darted through the gap and pulled you inside.

“Eddie!” You hissed at him, bringing one hand to your chest as your heart rate soared.

His lips were on yours before you could ask why he felt the urge to spike your already sky-high anxiety. Like a miracle elixir, the kiss blunted the day’s sharpness and turned your racing thoughts into drifting clouds.

Your hands found his biceps, fully on display in the t-shirt that had been altered to be a makeshift tank top. The same one, you realized, he’d been wearing last night. The pads of your fingertips were met with resistance at the muscle that was even more defined than it had been a month ago.

“Just needed to do that before we left.” His palms smoothed down the back of your dress, lingering for an extra moment on your ass. “Ready to go?”

“Y-Yeah,” you nodded. All of the air had been knocked from your lungs; from the scare or from the kiss, you were still unsure.

Eddie’s fingers brushed yours as the two of you left his room in a silent plea to hold your hand. You wanted to accept the offer, to proudly display your affection for him. You wanted it more than anything, so much so that you almost let your guard down. Almost took his hand in yours and paraded out into the lobby without a care in the world, subtly announcing that you were his and he was yours.

Almost.

A pang of anger flashed in your chest; not at the situation, but at Eddie himself. He knew you hadn’t told your parents yet. He knew you would face some consequences for dating a motel guest and for sneaking around behind their backs, especially if you brazenly flaunted the relationship without any notice.

Eddie huffed at your rejection. “Oh, right.” Was that disappointment or frustration? Or some lethal combination of both?

Dad immediately noticed the departure from your typical attire when you walked past; he’d already finished skimming the newspaper when you walked in. “Where are you off to?”

“Hanging out with Ben and Nora.” The lie rolled off of your tongue, just as you’d practiced in the mirror this morning.

“Double date?” Dad’s question was rhetorical, of course–he certainly wasn’t expecting you to actually go on a date with Eddie–but your breath still caught in your throat.

A cough, hopeful not too conspicuous to draw attention, delayed your response. “Uh, no. Just, uh, friend stuff.” Friend stuff? Christ, were you incapable of lying without extensive rehearsal?

He nodded, not even flinching. Thank God he was at the desk and not Mom, who definitely would have interrogated the truth out of you by now.

“Have fun, be safe, make sure to ask Ben how his parents are.”

You promised to do all three and dashed out the door before he had time to ask Eddie any questions.

You reached for Eddie’s hand the moment you were out of sight, relishing in the safety of his calluses and strong grasp.

“So, friend.” Despite his playful nature, hurt tinged Eddie’s tone. “You sure we’re in the clear? Maybe someone down the street will see us holding hands and report us to the authorities.”

His words formed a pit in your stomach, anchoring you to the sidewalk. “This isn’t just for me.” You face him and take his other hand, too, wrapping his arms around your waist. “If my parents want to, they can kick you out. I need to tell them in a way that keeps them from absolutely losing their minds.”

The lines at the corners of Eddie’s eyes softened. “I know,” he conceded, kissing the tip of your nose. “Was it like this with other guys you dated? Or is it just because I’m staying at the motel?”

Shame washed over you for the second time in as many minutes. “I’ve never actually told them about any guys I’ve dated,” you admitted. “I mean, I’ve been on dates and had some short-term…relationships, I guess you could call them. But nothing serious enough for me to tell my parents.”

Eddie let out an anxious breath before asking his next question. “What does that mean for us?”

There it was: us. One unit, something more substantial than being separate individuals who happened to share a space.

“Eddie…I really like you.” The confession was a weight off of your chest; you felt your body fall closer to his. “And if they know about us and they don’t approve, they’ll make sure to keep us apart. At least now, we can sneak around without them being suspicious.”

He looked like he wanted to say something else; if not to protest, then to ask for further clarification. But he swallowed his words, opting instead to kiss you.

His lips tasted like disappointment. You pretended not to notice.

The forty minute train ride to NYU eased some of the tension. With no seats available, Eddie kept one arm tight around your waist, the other hand wrapped around the overhead pole. His thumb caressed the small of your back, fingernail dragging over your cotton dress, as you leaned into him.

The subway car was hot, but neither you nor Eddie were deterred in the slightest. Not even as that first bead of sweat crept down the back of your neck and dipped below your dress collar.

If Eddie noticed the perspiration trickling down your spine, he didn’t comment on it.

The tip of his nose tickled your temple as he loudly whispered, “I didn’t realize I was supposed to dress up for this.”

In addition to his tank top, Eddie wore black jeans ripped at both knees and his signature scuffed Reeboks. It was a stark contrast to your more professional attire—borrowed from Nora, of course—but you didn’t care. Couldn’t even bring yourself to care, not when…

“You look hot.” Your lips lingered on one exposed bicep, leaving a light lipstick print in their wake. “Ridiculously, unfairly hot.”

A bashful grin bloomed on his face. He stood up a bit taller, your compliment replenishing some of the confidence that had been lost. Eddie had certainly taken his share of ego bruising over the last few months: leaving Death’s Echo, the subsequent breakup with his girlfriend, sleeping in a struggling motel just to keep a roof over his head. And on top of it all, he was now with someone who refused to acknowledge the relationship in front of her own parents.

That settled it. You were going to tell your parents tonight. No more hiding or sneaking around. If they lectured you on their disappointment, you’d take it. You just couldn’t fathom bringing more insecurity into Eddie’s life. He deserved more than that.

He deserves more than you, that irritating voice snarled. It curled itself around your ear like a wispy smoke trail from one of Eddie’s cigarettes, but did not dissipate as quickly. It lingered even as Eddie pulled you in closer to kiss you.

Your response was to slip your hand into his back pocket and curving it around his ass. Admittedly, there wasn’t much to grab onto, but it still woke up something slumbering within you. Something that had remained dormant since you’d gotten caught during the picnic last week.

Longing stirred, carving out imagery of him atop you, your fingers grasping that sacred flesh without the burden of a denim barrier. You needed to know how he’d treat you in bed. Would he pounce like an animal capturing its elusive prey? Would he take his time and savor you like his last meal on Earth? Would he lovingly gaze into your eyes, or take you from behind to satisfy that primal need?

“What’s our stop again?” Eddie’s voice shook you from your lust-entrenched trance.

“Oh, uh…” You fought to keep your train of thought on a more productive track. “West Fourth Street.”

He nodded and gripped the pole tighter as the car screeched to a halt. “Then this is us.”

Thank God he was paying attention. You were embarrassed at the mere notion of missing your stop because you were too lost in the idea of having sex with him. How would you even explain that to him?

“Nervous?” He asked as you exited the train car.

You shook your head. Surprisingly, you weren’t nervous about meeting other admitted students. They’d be a group of people just like you, reaching out a hand to help those in need. A group of people like you and Nora who shared a common goal of being positive forces in a world desperate for kindness.

The climb from the platform up to the street level brought with it a burst of fresh air—fresher than in the station, at least. You and Eddie made your way down Waverly Place, fingers loosely intertwined. He let you guide him, a half-step ahead, your knowledge of the city far exceeding his.

You were only two blocks away from the school when you heard an obnoxious voice bleating through a megaphone.

“Repent now or face damnation! You are all sinners who will burn in the fires of Hell for eternity!”

A middle-aged man wearing an off-center toupee stood in the middle of the sidewalk, shouting at passersby.

“Revelations 21:8–But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”

You kept walking and ignored the man’s incessant preaching, expecting Eddie to do the same.

That, you supposed, was naive on your part.

Before you could stop him, Eddie let go of your hand and whirled towards the offender. His forefingers pointed upwards in mock devil horns, and the noise that came out of his mouth resembled something from The Exorcist.

The preacher nearly keeled over at the sight of Eddie’s satanic display, sending you into a fit of cackling laughter.

“Eddie!” You managed to hiss through your giggling. “Let’s go!”

Eddie took your hand once more and let you whisk him away from the dumbfounded man, the megaphone now hanging limply at his side. There was no doubt he would once again be spewing vitriol soon enough, but witnessing his temporary stunned silence was delicious.

“I can’t believe you did that.”

He shrugged. “I told you—I single handedly caused Hawkins’ own Satanic Panic. It’s not my first rodeo with these fire-and-brimstone assholes.”

“C’mon.” You tugged him along, shaking your head. “Let’s get out of here before he sics his disciples on us.”

Admitted Students’ Day at NYU’s Silver School of Social Work wasn’t fancy; just some hors d'oeuvres spread out on a white tablecloth to give an air of elegance. Really, it was nothing more than a few fruit and vegetable platters, finger sandwiches, and some pigs in a blanket. You helped yourself to some strawberries and a cucumber sandwich, watching as Eddie piled the crescent-wrapped mini hot dogs onto a paper plate and topped them with a hearty spoonful of spicy mustard.

A chipper young woman wearing an NYU t-shirt welcomed you and Eddie, ushering you both towards a pile of stick-on name tags and permanent markers. You scrawled your name in blue ink and Eddie did the same, though he added “just here for the food” in smaller letters below his name.

“Okay, everyone!” The woman took to the microphone at the front of the small conference room. “Welcome to Admitted Students’ Day! My name is Ashley, and I’m a recent alumna of our wonderful MSW program.” She beamed and paused for the smattering of applause.

Ashley brushed a brunette curl from her eyes and continued. “We’ll get started in just a moment, but until then, please mingle and get to know one another.”

When you looked over at Eddie again, he was dabbing at his shirt with a paper napkin. “Dropped some mustard,” he mumbled. Sure enough, a dollop of yellow stained the black cotton fabric. “Guess we’ll need to make another trip to the laundry room tomorrow.”

You swatted at him, though you couldn’t deny having the same thought. “You also have some right here,” you lied, poking at his cheek. “Here, I’ll get it.” You leaned in and pressed a kiss to the spot you had just touched. His skin warmed beneath your lips, and it took all of your restraint not to kiss him again.

A second woman sporting a name tag made her way over to you, accompanied by a man dutifully trailing behind her.

“Hi!” The woman chirped, flashing a smile far more genuine than Ashley’s. “I’m Alexis, and this is my boyfriend, Peter.” She gestured to the man. “It’s nice to see another couple here.”

A couple. You and Eddie were a couple, recognized as such by other people in a relationship.

Peter pointed to the message on Eddie’s name tag. “I see you’re also here for moral support,” he said with a grin. “The things we do for them, huh?”

“Please.” Alexis rolled her eyes, though a playful smile suggested she wasn’t annoyed in the slightest. “I went with you to your boring grad school orientation last week.”

You perked up, latching onto the information so you wouldn’t perseverate on the notion of couplehood. “What are you studying?”

“Mechanical engineering,” Alexis answered for him. “He’s brilliant, but just listening to the course descriptions had me falling asleep.” She turned her attention to Eddie. “What do you study?”

The telltale hue of embarrassment bloomed on Eddie’s cheeks. “Oh, I, um…I didn’t. I mean, I went to high school–finished high school–but I didn’t do the whole college…thing.”

“He’s a musician,” you offered, if only to quiet his stammering voice. “A really talented one, too. He plays guitar and he sings.” You took his hand in yours in silent reassurance.

To her credit, Alexis didn’t let on that she’d picked up on his nervousness. She just smiled and asked him about the type of music he plays, swiftly shifting the conversation back on track.

The small talk continued for a few more minutes. You’d learned that Alexis and Peter had met in college; they’d both gone to Columbia, which was where Peter would be continuing his graduate studies. Alexis wanted a change of scenery and chose NYU, though Peter mentioned she’d also been accepted to their alma mater.

She went to an Ivy League university? The notion soured in your stomach. It was unrealistic to think that Alexis would be the only member of your cohort to hold a degree from an esteemed school; how would you be able to keep up with them? There was no way your meager city college education could even compare.

Mercifully, Ashley took to the microphone once again, this time with a gray-haired woman by her side, to begin the informational portion of the event. You and Eddie sat side-by-side, and you scooched closer when his arm instinctively draped over the back of your folding chair. The ease was a privilege; you could rest your head on his shoulder without being on alert. There was no threat of being caught, no guilt from sneaking around. The two of you were just another couple sitting in a sea of strangers. The idea was so enticing that you had to force yourself to focus on the course offerings and expected responsibilities.

You definitely wouldn’t be able to keep up with your peers if you couldn’t even pay attention during orientation.

Two hours passed before Eddie’s stomach audibly growled; apparently, consuming his weight in miniature hot dogs was not enough to satisfy his appetite. You were starting to get hungry, too, and you’d spent the last thirty minutes saving off your hunger pangs.

“Wanna grab something to eat?” You whispered.

He nodded emphatically. “You’d think that one of these snobby rich-people schools would splurge for more food,” he said, thankfully under his breath. If someone had overheard…

Not to mention you’d be attending that ‘snobby rich-people school,’ and you were neither rich nor snobby. At least, you hoped you weren’t snobby. But did Eddie see you that way? Did he think you were keeping the relationship underwraps because of a deep-seated shame?

You bade your new friends goodbye, shot a shy smile at the professors who had spoken during the information session, and did your best to make an inconspicuous exit.

The nearest bodega was just down the block, its shelves stocked with soon-expiring candy and various snacks. Eddie perused the aisles and stared at his options. You were much faster in your decision-making, grabbing a Crunch bar and chowing down as soon as you paid the cashier.

With Eddie still glancing between a bag of barbecue potato chips and a stick of beef jerky, you plucked the latest copy of Star from the rotating magazine stand and leafed through it. There’s no earth-shattering news–stories published in the tabloids rarely are. The most exciting story was about the upcoming Spielberg flick, one where dinosaurs roam the Earth in some sort of prehistoric zoo. You can’t help but wonder if Eddie would take you to see the movie for your third date.

You were about to close the magazine and tell Eddie to hurry up–or just buy both, and you’d foot the bill–when the bolded words in the news briefs section caught your eye.

Caleb Dalton, the lead singer and guitarist of Death’s Echo, checked into rehab after various alcohol-fueled encounters with the law. The band’s management states that they “hope to proceed with the tour” next month, though there is no word about finding a replacement.

Your mouth went dry, and you started choking on the bite of milk chocolate that hadn’t yet melted onto your tongue. Eddie looked over at you, concern etched between his drawn brows at your sudden coughing outburst.

“Wrong pipe,” you managed, closing the magazine as nonchalantly as you could and placing it back on the rack. “You ready to go?”

“Yup.” Eddie fished a dollar bill from his pocket and placed it on the counter. He was already digging into the bag of chips, blissfully unaware of what you’d just read.

How would he react if he knew? Would he find it amusing that his replacement had already screwed up the tour? Infuriating that he’d been replaced by someone so unprofessional? Would it haunt him or would he consider it to be normal tabloid fodder?

A gut instinct told you to break the news to him—not here, but somewhere private. Somewhere he could process it without causing a public scene. The only thing worse than him finding out is him knowing that you already knew and hadn’t told him.

Tonight, during your shift. And you could follow it up by letting him know that you were ready to tell your parents the truth. Selfishly, you were glad to have some leverage on them: Eddie would already be upset by the band’s news, so they couldn’t add to that stress by kicking him out, right?

If only you could tell them about him accompanying you today, just to prove how serious this new relationship truly was.

One step at a time.

You savored every moment spent together on the trip. The beginning of rush hour had the train too crowded to find a seat and to hold onto the pole, so Eddie held you by your waist to keep you steady. You felt his lips on the back of your neck every so often, his way of reminding you that he was there amidst the chaos.

He trusted you, and he trusted you to trust him.

It had come innately, the way you had divulged your secret to him. Yes, he had grabbed your book and questioned your alleged hospitality studies, but you could have shut him out. Put up a wall and told him to mind his business or hit the road.

But you didn’t. And neither had he, choosing to divulge his saddest memories to you. Had given you a friendship and then something more. His presence was something you awaited at the start of every shift, the shared conversations now far more welcome than the quiet you once craved.

He always arrived at the desk by ten o’clock, sometimes getting there before you did. You’d find him making Mom laugh or listening to one of her many stories about the plethora of bizarre guests who stayed at the motel over the years. Mom liked him–you knew she did. All you needed to do was pivot her mindset in the right direction.

So tonight, when 10:25 rolled around and Eddie was nowhere to be found, your first instinct was to knock on his door and make sure he was all right. As soon as the thought popped into your head, you dismissed it as ridiculous. He was probably tired from schlepping through Manhattan and fell asleep. He’d probably planned to take a quick nap and promptly slept through his alarm, though you didn’t hear his clock radio bleating through the paper-thin walls.

Maybe this was a sign that you shouldn’t tell him about Death’s Echo and their troubled lead singer. You’d already kept quiet about the televised arrest that you watched at the bar; what was one more secret?

But that would sabotage your plan to pander to your parents with sympathy. You couldn’t exactly take the poor Eddie route without him knowing. Maybe you could–

Eddie’s door opened, yanking your attention from your running thoughts. Your heart beat double-time. This was it. You were going to tell him about Caleb Dalton’s rehab stint, tell him everything you knew.

But the voice you heard coming from his room wasn’t his. In fact, it wasn’t even a man’s.

“Promise me you’ll think about it?” A woman asked, a slight whine in her tone.

“Y-Yeah.” Though you couldn’t see him, you could tell from his hesitation that he wasn’t completely enthused about whatever he was supposed to be thinking about. “I promise.”

A soft mwah had you seeing red. It sounded like she’d only kissed his cheek, but maybe you were only fooling yourself. If she’d kissed his lips, those same lips that you’d been kissing earlier today…

“You’re the best, babe.” Jealousy raged in your core as she spoke, and you fought to keep it from exploding throughout your body. “We’ll get you out of this shithole in no time.” She punctuated her insult with a giggle. “Call me when you have your answer.”

“Mhm. Yeah.” And then his door closed.

Who was this woman? What was she doing here? Why didn’t Mom tell you that Eddie had brought someone to his room?

You got one answer once the mystery woman walked through the lobby, not even acknowledging your existence. She wasn’t wearing the heavy makeup that you’d seen in her photo, but there was no mistaking the owner of that blonde pixie cut, heart-shaped face, and piercing blue eyes.

They belonged to none other than Death Echo’s drummer.

Who also happened to be Eddie’s ex-girlfriend.

taglist:

@theintimatewriter @mandyjo8719 @storiesbyrhi @lady-munson @moonmark98

@squidscottjeans @therealbaberuthless @emxxblog @munson-mjstan @loves0phelia

@kthomps914 @aysheashea @munsonsbtch @mmunson86 @b-irock

@ginasellsbooks @erinekc @the-unforgivenn @dashingdeb16 @micheledawn1975

@yujyujj @eddies-acousticguitar @daisy-munson @kellsck @foreveranexpatsposts

@mykuup @chatteringfox @feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps @sapphire4082 @katethetank

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@the-disaster-in-waiting @eddielowe @hugdealer @rip-quizilla @munson-girl

@fishwithtitz @costellation-hunter @cloudroomblog @emsgoodthinkin

#eddie munson #eddie x reader #eddie stranger things #eddie munson x female reader #eddie x you #eddie munson x f!reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson smut #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things fanfic #fanfic #eddie munson stranger things #stranger things #lam

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tangents-within-tangents · 1 day

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Thinking about the song "Ship in Port" by Radical Face and clones

Thinking about the line "Farewell to the chains we were born into" and what that can mean for the clones

Thinking about how "But I have always stayed in place/Under that old illusion that it's safe" could equally describe Hunter, Echo, and (s1+2) Crosshair's complete opposite approaches to the Empire and post-war life.

The way Crosshair clings to his identity as a soldier of the Empire

And Echo as a soldier of the Republic

But Hunter puts his identity as a soldier behind him

Crosshair fights for the Empire to gain purpose

Echo fights against the Empire to save his brothers

And Hunter decides the Empire is too strong to even try to oppose

"A ship in port is a safer one"

"but it's not the reason it was made"

"So forgive me if I wander off"

"And forgive me more if I just stay"

Thinking about what The Bad Batch could have been if it had more fully explored the differences between those ideologies

(Thinking about what The Bad Batch could have been if it had dedicated more screen time to the 'reg' clones within the Empire and the underground network's fight to free them , instead of just sidelining Echo and Rex for a hypothetical clone rebellion show we might never get)

#i have lots of thoughts and many draft posts in which i've been struggling to figure out how to word those thoughts #tbb had SO much potential #it was so close!#it really could have been on par with Andor if it has just tried #i feel like i'm projecting these themes that aren't really there #the pieces are there the show just didn't focus on them #i considered saying hunter 'hides from the empire to protect his family' but that never included crosshair just omega #so that felt like giving him too much credit #ignore the music video i just really love the acoustic version bc MMM that viol!#the rest of the lyrics totally fit for clones of this era too btw #like SO WELL ugh #if i had the time resources and attention span I'd make a music video #maybe someday...#(lol i have waay too many projects stuck in my brain and also the new semester started and i'm already so behind rip)#while we're on the subject of radical face and clones #“always gold” is THE perfect heartbreaking Kix song!#tbb #tbb analysis #sw tcw #tbb echo #tbb hunter #tbb crosshair #arc trooper echo #the clones #radical face #bardic musings #sorry i didn't credit the gifs #this has been in my drafts since long before i knew people care about that and i can't find where i found them from #just know the shitty ones are the ones i made lol

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esotericalchemist · 4 hours

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Masterlist - YouTube (subliminals)

𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡: 𝐔𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐇𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐬 ⊹₊⟡⋆

Lilith in astrology represents the primal, instinctual side of our nature—the parts of ourselves that are often hidden, suppressed, or rejected. It embodies our deep-seated desires for freedom, power, and autonomy, pushing us to break free from societal expectations and limitations. While Lilith highlights where we can embrace our wildness and independence, it also reveals our struggles with control, rebellion, and vulnerability. Understanding Lilith's placement in your chart helps you confront these shadow aspects, offering the opportunity to reclaim your authentic self by transforming old patterns into sources of strength and empowerment.

𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡

With Lilith in Aries, you’re fueled by a powerful drive for independence, self-empowerment, and assertiveness. Your energy is daring and fearless, pushing you to break through any barriers that limit you. The power of Lilith in Aries shows in your ability to confidently stand your ground and take decisive action, even in the face of resistance. You have a strong desire to be in control of your own path, making you fiercely protective of your autonomy. Whether in relationships or your career, freedom is essential, and you’ll fight against anything that threatens it.

The shadow side of Lilith in Aries involves confronting issues related to impulsivity, anger, or recklessness. You may wrestle with control and power dynamics, often feeling the need to dominate or rebel without fully considering the consequences. To truly harness Lilith’s potential, you must learn to direct your assertiveness in a productive way—leading and inspiring others without crossing boundaries. The challenge is finding a balance between asserting yourself and working with others, turning your raw energy into a source of leadership and courage. By embracing your inner strength while managing impulses, you unlock the true depth of your personal power.

Through the Houses:

1st House: Lilith in the 1st house makes you unapologetically assertive and focused on personal power. Others may find your boldness intimidating. Embrace your uniqueness and lead by example, but be mindful not to overpower those around you.

2nd House: Your connection to material possessions and self-worth can be unconventional. While you have the potential to create abundance independently, self-worth may become a struggle. Use Lilith’s energy to ground yourself in values beyond material success, standing firm in your sense of self.

3rd House: Your communication style is direct and bold, often challenging the status quo. Embrace your ability to speak your truth confidently, but be careful not to become too aggressive. Use your curiosity to empower others through your words.

4th House: A rebellious streak may show up in your home and family life, as you seek freedom from traditional roles. Lilith’s energy can help you break away from unhealthy family dynamics and create a home that truly reflects who you are.

5th House: Your creativity and love life are marked by independence. You may crave excitement and dominance in romantic relationships. Use your energy to express yourself authentically through creative outlets, while avoiding impulsive or destructive choices in love.

6th House: In your daily work and routines, you resist authority and value independence. To harness this energy, find work that allows you the freedom you seek, but avoid rebelling without purpose. Channel your desire for autonomy into serving others innovatively.

7th House: Relationships are where your Lilith energy is most intense. You may seek control or resist commitment. To reach your full potential, aim for balanced partnerships that allow both freedom and connection to coexist.

8th House: Lilith in the 8th house makes you fearless in confronting transformation and power struggles. You crave deep, transformative experiences. Use this energy to explore life’s mysteries and face your fears, but be mindful of avoiding manipulation.

9th House: Your need for freedom shows up in your pursuit of knowledge, travel, and spirituality. You resist traditional beliefs and are drawn to unconventional philosophies. Harness Lilith’s energy by embracing your truth while respecting others’ paths.

10th House: In your career, you may challenge authority and rebel against societal norms. Use Lilith’s energy to carve out a unique path to success, but be careful not to burn bridges along the way. Leadership roles can help you thrive.

11th House: You seek independence in group settings and social circles. Use Lilith’s energy to revolutionize your community, but be cautious of alienating yourself by being overly dominant. Find ways to contribute while still honoring your need for freedom.

12th House: Lilith in the 12th house brings hidden desires and power. You may be drawn to exploring the subconscious and spiritual realms. Use this energy to uncover your hidden strengths, but be wary of self-sabotage or withdrawing from reality.

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡

With Lilith in Taurus, you possess a deep craving for stability, sensual pleasures, and material security. Your power is rooted in a profound connection to the physical world—whether through your body, nature, or the pursuit of comfort and luxury. You have a strong need to control your environment, ensuring that you feel safe and secure. While the desire for pleasure and indulgence is prominent, Lilith in Taurus also unlocks your path to self-sufficiency and inner strength. You thrive when you create beauty and abundance on your own terms, without becoming overly attached to material possessions or comfort.

Shadow work with Lilith in Taurus involves confronting attachments to material things, pleasure, or the fear of change. You may find yourself struggling with possessiveness or a resistance to letting go, holding on to what feels familiar even when it no longer serves you. To truly embrace Lilith’s potential, you must learn that real security comes from within, not from external sources. By letting go of the need to control everything around you, you can tap into your creative and sensual power, finding satisfaction in both material and spiritual wealth.

Through the Houses:

1st House: Your energy is grounded, sensual, and magnetic, giving you an unshakable presence. To harness this power, embrace your natural strength and confidence without relying too much on how others perceive you.

2nd House: You deeply desire financial security and material comfort but may struggle with possessiveness. Use Lilith’s energy to cultivate self-worth that isn’t solely tied to material wealth and build stability through creative and independent means.

3rd House: Your communication is practical and persuasive, often focused on concrete results. Embrace this by using your voice to create value in your community or work, but be open to new ideas and resist holding too tightly to your viewpoints.

4th House: You long for a stable, beautiful home environment, sometimes clinging to outdated family dynamics. To unlock Lilith’s potential, create a nurturing space that supports your well-being, and release rigid attachments to comfort and tradition.

5th House: You find pleasure in creativity, romance, and personal expression. Use this energy to fully engage in your passions and artistic pursuits, but be mindful of not controlling or overindulging in fleeting pleasures.

6th House: Your daily work and routines are motivated by a desire for stability and comfort. Lilith’s energy can help you create sustainable habits that promote well-being, but avoid becoming too rigid in your approach to work and health.

7th House: In relationships, you may seek security and control, which can sometimes lead to possessiveness. To fully harness this energy, build partnerships based on trust and mutual independence, allowing for both stability and personal freedom.

8th House: You are drawn to deep, transformative experiences, especially through shared resources or intimate relationships. Use Lilith’s power to confront fears around loss and control, embracing transformation and renewal with courage.

9th House: Your desire for security can extend to your beliefs, leading to resistance to new philosophies. Lilith’s energy encourages you to embrace diverse perspectives and experiences, allowing for personal growth and expansion.

10th House: You seek recognition and material success in your career. Use Lilith’s energy to build a professional life that aligns with your core values, while being open to change and not clinging to traditional definitions of success.

11th House: You desire stability in social circles and may resist change within your community. To unlock Lilith’s potential, embrace new ideas and collaborations, allowing your social networks to evolve while honoring your need for security.

12th House: Lilith in the 12th house brings hidden desires for control or security. Use this energy to explore spiritual practices that ground you in the present, releasing attachments based on fear and embracing inner peace and healing.

𝐆𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡

With Lilith in Gemini, your strength lies in your intellect, communication, and adaptability. You have an intense need for mental stimulation and freedom in both thought and expression. Curious and versatile, you’re naturally drawn to new ideas and often find yourself challenging conventional wisdom. Lilith’s energy in Gemini shows through your ability to speak your truth and question established norms. However, this can sometimes result in restlessness or scattered energy if not properly channeled. You thrive when exploring multiple perspectives and communicating freely, but you may struggle with superficiality or the temptation to manipulate others through words.

Shadow work for Lilith in Gemini involves addressing tendencies like inconsistency, gossip, or using your intellect to manipulate or avoid deeper emotional truths. You may also need to confront a fear of commitment, whether in ideas, relationships, or projects, as you seek constant mental stimulation. To harness Lilith’s full potential, you must find a balance between your desire for freedom and the need for depth and focus. When you use your sharp mind and communication skills wisely, you can inspire and enlighten others while staying true to your core values.

Through the Houses:

1st House: You project a sharp, witty, and dynamic presence, often keeping others on their toes. Use your bold self-expression to stand out, but avoid being overly restless or changeable in how you present yourself to the world.

2nd House: Your approach to material wealth may involve unconventional or mentally stimulating ways of achieving financial security. Use Lilith’s energy to build value through intellectual pursuits while avoiding superficial or quick financial gains.

3rd House: Your communication style is bold and direct, with a thirst for knowledge and variety. Channel this energy into exploring diverse topics and engaging in thought-provoking discussions, but be careful not to dominate conversations or use your words manipulatively.

4th House: You may crave intellectual freedom in your home environment, sometimes emotionally distancing yourself from family. Use Lilith’s energy to cultivate open communication within your family while fostering deeper emotional connections.

5th House: You seek excitement and intellectual stimulation in romance and creative pursuits. To unlock Lilith’s power, embrace your playful, expressive side in love and art, but be wary of chasing fleeting pleasures or forming superficial connections.

6th House: Your work thrives on mental stimulation and variety, but you may resist routines. Use Lilith’s energy to seek engaging, mentally challenging tasks, while learning to stay focused on practical matters without losing interest.

7th House: In relationships, you crave mental connection and freedom of expression. Use Lilith’s energy to create stimulating partnerships, but be mindful not to avoid emotional intimacy by relying solely on intellectual connections.

8th House: You’re drawn to exploring hidden truths and taboo topics, often using your intellect to delve into life’s mysteries. To fully embrace this power, balance your curiosity about the unknown while avoiding manipulation in intimate relationships.

9th House: Your thirst for intellectual freedom leads you to explore diverse philosophies and cultures. Use Lilith’s energy to challenge traditional beliefs and embrace new ideas, but avoid spreading yourself too thin in your search for knowledge.

10th House: You may challenge authority figures or traditional career paths, seeking intellectual freedom in your professional life. Use Lilith’s power to build a career that honors your independence, but be careful not to burn bridges along the way.

11th House: Your social life is fueled by mental stimulation, and you’re often drawn to groups that challenge conventional ideas. Harness Lilith’s energy by contributing your insights to social causes or collective goals, while avoiding detachment from those with different perspectives.

12th House: Lilith in the 12th house brings a hidden need for intellectual exploration and mental freedom. Use this energy to dive into the unconscious mind through writing, spirituality, or research, but be cautious of isolating yourself from meaningful relationships.

𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡

With Lilith in Cancer, your strength comes from your emotional depth, intuition, and desire for emotional security. You have a strong need to nurture and protect, but there is also a fierce sense of independence regarding your emotional life. You may resist vulnerability, fearing abandonment or rejection, which can lead to self-protective tendencies or attempts to control relationships. Lilith in Cancer challenges you to explore emotional autonomy, establish healthy boundaries, and balance your nurturing instincts with personal independence. Your sensitivity and empathy are immense, but you may struggle with holding onto past emotional wounds or becoming overly protective of your inner world.

Shadow work with Lilith in Cancer involves facing emotional wounds, fears of abandonment, and tendencies to control relationships for emotional security. It’s important to explore how past emotional traumas shape your current behavior and learn to embrace vulnerability without fear. To fully tap into Lilith’s potential, you must balance caring for others with self-care and emotional independence. When you embrace your intuitive power without letting fear dictate your actions, you can form deep, meaningful connections while staying true to yourself.

Through the Houses:

1st House: You project a nurturing and intuitive energy but may shield yourself from emotional vulnerability. Use Lilith’s power by embracing emotional authenticity while avoiding defensiveness or becoming overly protective of your personal space.

2nd House: Your sense of security, both emotional and material, is closely tied together. Use Lilith’s energy to develop emotional and financial independence, but avoid clinging to material possessions as a source of comfort.

3rd House: Your communication style is deeply emotional, often connecting with others through shared feelings and memories. Use this power to foster meaningful conversations, but be mindful of not using emotions to control or manipulate in relationships.

4th House: You have a strong connection to home and family, possibly seeking control over your emotional space. To harness Lilith’s power, create a nurturing home environment while learning to release past family wounds and emotional baggage.

5th House: Your creative and romantic life is intertwined with your emotions, and you seek deep connections in love. Use Lilith’s energy to fully express your creativity and passion, but resist becoming overly dependent on others for emotional validation.

6th House: Your daily routines and work are emotionally driven, and you may resist authority at work. Use Lilith’s power to create a balanced work-life routine that nurtures your emotional well-being, while avoiding burnout or emotional exhaustion.

7th House: In relationships, you crave emotional closeness but may fear vulnerability or rejection. To unleash Lilith’s energy, pursue partnerships where emotional security and independence coexist, and learn to trust without the fear of abandonment.

8th House: You are drawn to deep, transformative emotional experiences, particularly in intimate relationships or shared resources. Use Lilith’s power for emotional healing and growth, but avoid using emotional intensity to control others.

9th House: Your emotional security may be closely tied to your belief system, and you may resist new ideas that challenge your emotional comfort. Use Lilith’s energy to explore new philosophies and spiritual practices that expand your emotional understanding.

10th House: Your career may be deeply connected to your emotional needs, and you might seek recognition for your nurturing qualities. Use Lilith’s energy to build a career that reflects your emotional values, but avoid using your role to emotionally control others.

11th House: You seek emotional connection in social groups or causes, but may feel vulnerable in group settings. To unlock Lilith’s power, contribute emotionally to your community while maintaining strong personal boundaries and emotional security.

12th House: Lilith in the 12th house suggests hidden emotional needs and desires. Use this energy to explore your subconscious emotions through spiritual practices or creative outlets, but be cautious of emotionally isolating yourself from the world.

𝐋𝐞𝐨 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡

With Lilith in Leo, your power stems from creativity, self-expression, and a strong desire for recognition. You are driven by the need to be seen, admired, and appreciated for your unique qualities. However, Lilith in Leo can create a tension between craving approval and staying true to authentic self-expression. You naturally gravitate toward the spotlight, seeking to shine both personally and professionally. At times, though, you may wrestle with issues of pride, fear of rejection, or placing too much emphasis on validation from others, which can limit your creative potential. When you tap into your true inner power, you radiate confidence, and your bold, charismatic energy has the ability to inspire others.

Shadow work for Lilith in Leo involves confronting the need for constant admiration and the fear of going unseen or unappreciated. You may need to explore issues around pride or tendencies to dominate the spotlight as a way of compensating for deeper insecurities. To unlock Lilith’s potential fully, you must cultivate confidence from within, focusing on authentic self-expression rather than external approval. When you embrace your inner brilliance and share your gifts freely, you uplift others while maintaining a strong, secure sense of self.

Through the Houses:

1st House: You project a magnetic, confident, and bold persona, often seeking recognition. To unleash Lilith’s power, embrace your natural charisma and leadership abilities, but avoid relying solely on external validation for your self-worth.

2nd House: You may seek recognition through material possessions and self-worth. Use Lilith’s energy to find value in your unique talents and abilities rather than relying solely on material wealth or external achievements for your sense of worth.

3rd House: Your communication style is expressive and dramatic, often commanding attention through your words. To use Lilith’s energy, speak with authenticity and creativity, but be cautious of overshadowing others or dominating conversations.

4th House: You may crave attention or recognition in your family or home life, sometimes adopting a dominant role. Use Lilith’s power to create a nurturing home environment where your emotional needs for recognition are met, while allowing space for others to shine too.

5th House: Lilith’s energy thrives in creativity, romance, and self-expression. To fully harness this power, express yourself boldly in both love and creative pursuits, but avoid becoming overly dependent on romantic validation or the need to impress others.

6th House: In your work environment, you may seek recognition for your efforts, sometimes leading to pride in your daily routines. Use Lilith’s energy to create a work life that reflects your individuality, while avoiding ego-driven competition with colleagues.

7th House: Relationships are intense with Lilith in the 7th house, as you crave admiration from your partners. To balance this energy, seek partnerships where both individuals can shine equally, ensuring your need for attention doesn't overshadow your partner's needs.

8th House: You are drawn to intense and transformative experiences in relationships, where you can fully express your power. Use Lilith’s energy to explore deep emotional connections and uncover hidden aspects of yourself, but avoid using intimacy as a means of control or dominance.

9th House: Your desire for recognition extends to your beliefs and philosophies, seeking to stand out in intellectual or spiritual circles. To unleash Lilith’s power, share your insights with passion, but remain mindful not to overshadow others’ beliefs.

10th House: You crave recognition and success in your career, often aiming for leadership roles or positions of authority. Use Lilith’s energy to build a career where your creativity and confidence can flourish, but be cautious of letting pride or the need for validation harm your professional relationships.

11th House: In group settings, you may seek to be the center of attention, craving recognition from peers. To use Lilith’s power, contribute your unique ideas and creativity to collective efforts, but ensure you're not dominating the spotlight at the expense of the group’s goals.

12th House: Lilith in the 12th house suggests hidden desires for recognition and self-expression. Use this energy to explore creative or spiritual outlets that allow you to shine behind the scenes, but be mindful of not suppressing your need for attention, as it could lead to feelings of isolation.

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡

With Lilith in Virgo, your power lies in your sharp intellect, meticulous attention to detail, and drive for perfection. You have a deep desire to improve both yourself and your surroundings, often seeking control through order and structure. There is a strong need for independence in managing tasks and responsibilities, but Lilith in Virgo can also lead to tendencies like self-criticism and overworking. You may feel pressured to meet impossibly high standards, which can cause internal tension. While you desire to be of service and make meaningful contributions, the challenge is learning to balance control with surrender and knowing when to let go.

Shadow work for Lilith in Virgo involves facing perfectionism, self-doubt, and the fear of judgment or not measuring up. You might feel compelled to control your environment or be overly critical of yourself and others as a way to protect yourself from vulnerability. To fully harness Lilith’s energy, you must embrace your imperfections and understand that true strength comes from adaptability and acceptance. When you channel your precise nature into constructive service without being ruled by the fear of failure, you can become a powerful agent of healing and improvement in your own life and in the lives of others.

Through the Houses:

1st House: You project an aura of perfectionism and efficiency, often driven by the need to control how others perceive you. To unleash Lilith’s power, embrace your analytical nature while avoiding excessive self-criticism, focusing on authentic growth rather than seeking external approval.

2nd House: Your sense of material security may be closely tied to control over your resources. Use Lilith’s energy to build financial stability through discipline and service, but be careful not to equate your self-worth solely with material success or productivity.

3rd House: Your communication style is precise and detail-oriented, often focused on practical concerns. Use Lilith’s energy to express your thoughts clearly and analytically, but resist the urge to overanalyze or be too critical in your conversations.

4th House: You may seek control and perfection within your home and family life, aiming to maintain order. Use Lilith’s power to create a nurturing environment through organization, while allowing space for emotional spontaneity and embracing imperfection.

5th House: Creativity and romance may feel like areas where you need to perform flawlessly or take on too much responsibility. To tap into Lilith’s energy, let yourself enjoy creative expression and love without worrying about perfection or controlling the outcome.

6th House: You are driven by the need to serve and improve, often feeling a strong sense of responsibility regarding work and health. Use Lilith’s power to create efficient routines that support your well-being, but be mindful not to overburden yourself with perfectionist tendencies.

7th House: In relationships, you may seek perfection or feel the need to "fix" your partner. Use Lilith’s energy to cultivate partnerships where growth and service are mutual, avoiding the trap of being overly critical or trying to control your partner’s flaws.

8th House: You are drawn to transformative experiences that involve analyzing hidden or complex aspects of life. Use Lilith’s energy to explore deep emotional healing and psychological insight, but avoid obsessing over control in intimate relationships or shared resources.

9th House: Your search for knowledge and truth may be driven by a need to understand everything perfectly, which can limit your openness to new ideas. To unleash Lilith’s power, embrace learning and exploration without needing to have all the answers right away.

10th House: Your career is marked by a drive for perfection and success, and you may be highly critical of your achievements. Use Lilith’s energy to create a fulfilling professional life, recognizing your skills while allowing yourself to make mistakes and grow from them without fear of failure.

11th House: In social groups, you may feel compelled to organize or improve collective efforts. To use Lilith’s power, contribute your talents to group goals while releasing the need to control how others participate or how the group is perceived.

12th House: Lilith in the 12th house indicates hidden desires for control over your spiritual or subconscious life. Use this energy to explore self-healing and spiritual practices that help you release perfectionism, embracing inner peace and balance.

𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡

With Lilith in Libra, your strength lies in your ability to navigate relationships, social dynamics, and the pursuit of harmony. You have a strong desire for balance, fairness, and beauty in all aspects of life, but Lilith here pushes you to confront the shadow side of your need for approval and peace. There is a powerful drive for independence in your interactions with others, which can make you resist relying too heavily on partnerships. You may struggle with the tendency to please others at the expense of your own needs or to subtly manipulate situations to maintain harmony. However, your true power emerges when you embrace authenticity and strike a balance between self-assertion and compromise.

Shadow work for Lilith in Libra involves confronting your fear of conflict and the need to be liked. You may need to face tendencies to sacrifice your own desires for the sake of peace or to manipulate relationships to avoid discomfort. To fully unlock Lilith’s potential, you must learn to assert yourself without fear of rejection and allow relationships to evolve naturally, even if it temporarily disrupts harmony. When you embrace your inner strength and combine it with your natural diplomacy, you become a force for authentic connection and fairness.

Through the Houses:

1st House: You project charm, grace, and a desire for harmony, but may hide your true desires to avoid conflict. To unleash Lilith’s power, embrace your authenticity and express yourself confidently without fear of others' reactions.

2nd House: You seek material security and self-worth through relationships, but may depend too much on others for validation. Use Lilith’s energy to build your own values and sense of self-worth without relying on external approval or material success.

3rd House: Your communication style focuses on maintaining balance, but you may avoid difficult conversations. Use Lilith’s energy to speak your truth, even if it challenges others, and embrace the power of honest, direct communication.

4th House: You may seek peace and balance at home, often sacrificing your emotional needs for family harmony. Use Lilith’s power to create a home environment where your emotional truth is honored, even if it disrupts the status quo.

5th House: Creativity and romance may be areas where you seek validation from others. To tap into Lilith’s energy, express yourself authentically in love and creative pursuits, without relying on external praise for your sense of self-worth.

6th House: You may strive for harmony and perfection in your work life, sometimes focusing too much on others’ needs. Use Lilith’s power to find balance, ensuring that both your needs and those of others are respected in your daily routines.

7th House: Relationships are central to your life, but you may lose yourself in partnerships or prioritize harmony over authenticity. To unleash Lilith’s power, create balanced relationships where your needs are asserted, while also valuing compromise.

8th House: You are drawn to deep, intense relationships that challenge your need for control and balance. Use Lilith’s energy to explore emotional depth and transformation in partnerships, but avoid using intimacy to manipulate or maintain harmony.

9th House: You may seek intellectual or spiritual harmony, avoiding beliefs that disrupt your balance. To unlock Lilith’s potential, explore new philosophies and ideas that challenge your worldview, embracing discomfort as a catalyst for growth.

10th House: You seek success in your career through diplomacy and charm, but may struggle with asserting your individuality. Use Lilith’s energy to build a career that reflects your true values, without fearing conflict or others' disapproval.

11th House: In social groups, you desire harmony and fairness, often acting as the mediator. To use Lilith’s power, contribute your diplomatic skills while also asserting your unique ideas, even if they go against the group’s expectations.

12th House: Lilith in the 12th house suggests hidden desires for harmony and balance that may conflict with deeper emotional or spiritual needs. Use this energy to explore unconscious fears that prevent you from expressing your true self in relationships, and embrace emotional freedom.

𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐨 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡

With Lilith in Scorpio, your power is rooted in emotional intensity, depth, and a natural ability to embrace transformation. You have a strong desire for control, particularly in emotional and intimate relationships, and are drawn to uncover the deeper, hidden aspects of life. This placement gives you a magnetic and mysterious energy, but it also pushes you to confront issues surrounding power, secrecy, and vulnerability. Your desire for independence and mastery over your emotions may cause you to resist trust and intimacy, even though these are key to unlocking your true potential. Lilith in Scorpio challenges you to dive into the depths of your psyche, confront your fears, and emerge stronger and transformed.

Shadow work with Lilith in Scorpio involves facing issues of control, fear of betrayal, and the instinct to manipulate situations to avoid vulnerability. You may need to confront your fear of emotional exposure or your tendency to hold onto secrets and hidden agendas. To fully unlock Lilith’s potential, you must embrace emotional honesty and the strength that comes from vulnerability. When you stop resisting change and transformation, you access a profound potential for regeneration and healing—not only for yourself but for others as well.

Through the Houses:

1st House: You project an intense, magnetic presence that can both attract and intimidate others. To unleash Lilith’s power, embrace your emotional depth and authenticity, allowing others to see the real you instead of hiding behind a protective facade.

2nd House: Your relationship with material security and self-worth may be tied to control and the need for security. Use Lilith’s energy to develop financial independence and confidence, but be wary of becoming overly possessive or attached to material success.

3rd House: Your communication style is probing and intense, often seeking to uncover hidden truths. Use Lilith’s power to engage in deep, meaningful conversations, but avoid manipulating or controlling others with your words.

4th House: You may experience intense emotions related to family and home life, feeling a need to control your domestic environment. Use Lilith’s energy to confront emotional wounds from the past and create a home space that fosters transformation and healing.

5th House: You seek intensity and depth in your creative and romantic pursuits, craving passionate connections. To express Lilith’s energy, embrace your creative and romantic desires without fear of rejection or betrayal, but avoid using love as a form of control.

6th House: In work and daily routines, you may become focused on control and perfectionism. Use Lilith’s energy to transform your work life by embracing change and adaptability, rather than clinging to rigid systems and habits.

7th House: Relationships may bring up power struggles, with intense emotions surfacing in partnerships. To harness Lilith’s power, cultivate trust and emotional honesty, letting go of the need to control the outcome of your relationships.

8th House: Lilith thrives in the 8th house, amplifying your interest in transformation, shared resources, and the mysteries of life. Use this energy for deep emotional healing and growth, but be mindful of avoiding power struggles or fear of loss.

9th House: You may seek intensity and depth in intellectual or spiritual pursuits, craving transformative experiences. To fully embrace Lilith’s power, explore philosophies or spiritual practices that challenge your current beliefs, allowing yourself to evolve through them.

10th House: Your career may be marked by intense ambition and a desire for control and recognition. Use Lilith’s energy to achieve success on your own terms, but be cautious of becoming overly manipulative or secretive in your professional relationships.

11th House: You seek deep, meaningful connections in social circles and may challenge group dynamics. To use Lilith’s power, engage in social causes that allow for transformation and empowerment, but be careful to avoid power struggles within your community.

12th House: Lilith in the 12th house brings hidden fears and desires for control to the surface. Use this energy to explore your subconscious through spiritual or psychological practices, but avoid isolating yourself emotionally. Embrace your inner power without fear of the unknown.

𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡

With Lilith in Sagittarius, your power comes from your relentless quest for truth, freedom, and wisdom. You have a strong desire to explore, both intellectually and physically, often seeking to break free from societal norms and conventional thinking. Independence is key for you, and you may resist any attempts to confine your beliefs or restrict your freedom. Lilith in Sagittarius can create tension between your desire for freedom and your tendency to rebel against authority or tradition. You’re driven to explore new philosophies, cultures, and ideas, but may also struggle with restlessness or a fear of commitment. When you embrace this energy, you can inspire others with your boldness and your adventurous spirit in the search for meaning.

Shadow work for Lilith in Sagittarius involves confronting issues of overconfidence, dogmatism, or the fear of being trapped. You may need to examine any tendencies to rebel simply for the sake of rebellion or to impose your beliefs on others. To unlock Lilith’s full potential, you must balance your desire for freedom with a deeper understanding and connection. When you channel your passion for truth into positive exploration, you can become a visionary leader, helping others break free from limiting beliefs while expanding your own horizons.

Through the Houses:

1st House: You project an adventurous and free-spirited persona, often challenging norms and pushing boundaries. Use Lilith’s energy to inspire others with your independence, but be mindful not to come across as overly arrogant or dismissive of other perspectives.

2nd House: Your relationship with material security and values may be tied to your need for freedom. Use Lilith’s power to achieve financial independence in unconventional ways, but be cautious not to sacrifice stability just for the sake of excitement.

3rd House: You communicate boldly, always seeking intellectual freedom, often challenging conventional wisdom. Embrace Lilith’s energy by exploring new ideas, but be careful not to alienate others by being too forceful with your opinions.

4th House: You may resist traditional family roles or feel the need for freedom from your home environment. Use Lilith’s energy to create a home that reflects your adventurous values, while addressing any restlessness or avoidance of commitment.

5th House: You seek excitement and adventure in both creativity and romance, often rebelling against conventional expectations. To fully express Lilith’s power, embrace your playful, passionate side, but avoid being overly impulsive or reckless in love.

6th House: You desire freedom in your work and daily routines, often resisting rigid schedules or authority. Use Lilith’s energy to create a flexible routine that allows for personal growth, while being careful not to neglect responsibilities.

7th House: In relationships, you seek intellectual and spiritual freedom, often avoiding traditional commitments. To unleash Lilith’s power, cultivate partnerships that prioritize mutual growth and exploration, while ensuring that you don’t shy away from emotional intimacy.

8th House: You are drawn to transformative experiences, often exploring taboo subjects or intense emotional connections. Use Lilith’s energy to seek wisdom through transformation, but avoid using power or control as a way to feel free.

9th House: This placement amplifies your desire for philosophical, spiritual, or cultural exploration. To unlock Lilith’s potential, fully embrace your quest for truth, but remain open to learning from others without becoming dogmatic.

10th House: You may challenge traditional career paths, seeking a profession that aligns with your need for freedom. Use Lilith’s energy to create a career that allows you to inspire others, but be cautious not to rebel against authority without cause.

11th House: You’re drawn to social causes that align with your ideals of freedom and progress. Harness Lilith’s energy by contributing to collective goals that push boundaries, but be mindful of not becoming overly radical or dismissive of opposing viewpoints.

12th House: Lilith in the 12th house brings hidden desires for intellectual and spiritual freedom. Use this energy to explore your subconscious through travel, study, or spiritual practices, but avoid using the pursuit of freedom as an escape from reality or commitments.

𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡

With Lilith in Capricorn, your strength lies in your drive for success, authority, and control over your life’s path. You have a strong desire for recognition and respect, and you're willing to work hard to achieve your ambitions. Lilith in Capricorn amplifies your determination, but it also brings challenges related to control, fear of failure, and feelings of inadequacy. You may suppress your emotions to maintain a façade of strength, or you might fear vulnerability, which can create distance between you and others. Your need for independence and self-mastery is powerful, often leading you to prioritize long-term security and stability, but sometimes at the cost of your emotional needs.

Shadow work with Lilith in Capricorn involves addressing fears of failure, rejection, or the belief that you must constantly prove your worth through achievements. You may need to confront tendencies to prioritize work and success over personal relationships or to be overly controlling in your pursuit of stability. To fully unlock Lilith’s potential, you must embrace vulnerability and recognize that true power comes from balancing ambition with emotional authenticity. When you align your goals with your inner values and allow yourself to open up emotionally, you can achieve great success without sacrificing personal fulfillment.

Through the Houses:

1st House: You project a strong, ambitious presence, often feeling the need to control how others see you. To unleash Lilith’s power, embrace your leadership abilities while allowing yourself to be vulnerable and authentic without fearing judgment.

2nd House: You may seek material security and financial success as a way to feel in control. Use Lilith’s energy to build wealth through disciplined effort, but avoid tying your self-worth solely to material achievements.

3rd House: Your communication is authoritative and structured, focused on practical matters. Use Lilith’s power to share your insights and ideas, but be careful not to become rigid or dismissive of other perspectives.

4th House: You may feel the need to control or structure your home and family life, sometimes suppressing emotional needs. Use Lilith’s energy to create a stable home environment while allowing space for emotional vulnerability and connection.

5th House: You may feel pressure to perform perfectly in creativity or romance, seeking recognition in these areas. To express Lilith’s power, embrace your creative passions and romantic desires without fear of failure or the need for perfection.

6th House: In your work and routines, you may be driven by a need for control and efficiency, sometimes becoming overly focused on productivity. Use Lilith’s energy to balance your work ethic with self-care, avoiding burnout from overworking.

7th House: In relationships, you may seek control or resist vulnerability. To harness Lilith’s power, pursue partnerships where both individuals share authority and emotional openness, allowing for true intimacy without power struggles.

8th House: You may be drawn to control and transformation in shared resources or deep emotional connections. Use Lilith’s energy to explore emotional intimacy and financial partnerships, but be mindful of not becoming overly controlling or fearful of loss.

9th House: You may seek authority in philosophical or educational areas, often pursuing recognition through intellectual or spiritual mastery. To unlock Lilith’s potential, embrace new ideas and philosophies without needing to dominate or control your beliefs.

10th House: Lilith in the 10th house amplifies your ambition and drive for success, pushing you toward recognition in your career. Use this energy to build a professional life aligned with your true values, while avoiding excessive focus on status or power.

11th House: You may seek control or authority in social circles or group dynamics, desiring recognition for your contributions. Use Lilith’s energy to contribute to collective goals with discipline and vision, while allowing for collaboration and flexibility within the group.

12th House: Lilith in the 12th house brings hidden desires for control and authority over your subconscious or spiritual life. Use this energy to explore inner transformation and healing, but be cautious of isolating yourself emotionally or suppressing your deeper needs.

𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡

With Lilith in Aquarius, your strength comes from your individuality, rebellious spirit, and desire to break free from societal norms. You have a strong need for independence and freedom, often challenging authority, traditions, or anything that feels restrictive. Lilith in Aquarius amplifies your visionary and innovative nature, urging you to express your uniqueness and contribute to society in unconventional ways. However, this placement can also bring challenges around emotional detachment, fear of intimacy, or a tendency to rebel for rebellion’s sake. You’re drawn to social causes and feel a deep responsibility to bring about change, but this may sometimes lead to emotional distancing or suppressing personal feelings to fit into collective ideals.

Shadow work with Lilith in Aquarius involves facing fears of losing individuality in relationships or groups. You may resist closeness, fearing it will compromise your freedom, which can result in emotional detachment. To fully unlock Lilith’s potential, you must embrace both your need for freedom and your capacity to form genuine connections. True power lies in balancing your individuality with meaningful relationships, using your innovative spirit to inspire collective progress. By integrating personal freedom and emotional openness, you can become a trailblazer for social change.

Through the Houses:

1st House: You project an eccentric, independent persona, often resisting conformity. To unleash Lilith’s power, embrace your unique identity while allowing yourself to connect with others without fearing a loss of individuality.

2nd House: You may have unconventional views on material security and self-worth, often prioritizing freedom over stability. Use Lilith’s energy to achieve financial independence through innovative methods, but avoid rejecting structure entirely for the sake of freedom.

3rd House: Your communication is unconventional and forward-thinking, often challenging traditional ideas. Use Lilith’s power to share your revolutionary ideas and insights, but be careful not to distance yourself from others by being too detached or impersonal.

4th House: You may crave emotional freedom in your home life, often resisting traditional family roles or structures. Use Lilith’s energy to create a home environment that celebrates individuality, while allowing space for deeper emotional connections.

5th House: You seek excitement and freedom in creative and romantic pursuits, often rebelling against conventional expectations. To express Lilith’s energy fully, engage in creativity and love with an open mind, but avoid detachment from deeper emotional bonds.

6th House: Your work and routines are driven by a desire for freedom and innovation, often resisting traditional structures in daily life. Use Lilith’s energy to create a flexible work environment that suits your need for independence, while avoiding inconsistency or chaos.

7th House: In relationships, you may resist traditional partnerships, craving independence and freedom. To harness Lilith’s power, seek relationships where both individuals can express their uniqueness while maintaining emotional connection and balance.

8th House: You are drawn to exploring unconventional or taboo subjects related to intimacy, transformation, or shared resources. Use Lilith’s energy to delve into deeper emotional or psychological realms, but avoid detachment as a defense mechanism in intimate relationships.

9th House: Your quest for truth and meaning is unconventional, and you may challenge traditional beliefs or philosophies. To unlock Lilith’s potential, embrace your unique worldview while staying open to other perspectives, avoiding dogmatism in your rebellion.

10th House: Lilith in the 10th house pushes you to challenge authority or traditional career paths, seeking freedom in your professional life. Use this energy to carve out a career that allows your individuality to shine, but be mindful of rebelling against authority without cause.

11th House: You are deeply focused on social causes and collective progress, often acting as a visionary or rebel in group settings. To use Lilith’s energy, contribute your innovative ideas to collective goals, but avoid distancing yourself from personal relationships within the group.

12th House: Lilith in the 12th house brings hidden desires for freedom and independence, often leading you to explore spiritual or psychological realms in unconventional ways. Use this energy to explore your inner world, but be mindful not to isolate yourself emotionally or reject vulnerability in the process.

𝐏𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡

With Lilith in Pisces, your power lies in your profound intuition, imagination, and connection to the mystical or spiritual realms. You have a natural ability to tap into the unseen, often feeling drawn to creative, spiritual, or healing pursuits. Lilith in Pisces amplifies your sensitivity and desire for transcendence, but it also brings challenges related to boundaries, escapism, and the fear of losing yourself in others or in fantasy. You may find yourself in situations where you sacrifice too much of yourself or become overly idealistic, blurring the line between reality and illusion. Your true power comes from embracing your intuition while establishing healthy boundaries to protect your energy.

Shadow work with Lilith in Pisces involves confronting tendencies to avoid reality, whether through fantasy, substances, or emotional withdrawal. You may need to address your fear of confrontation or a tendency to play the victim or martyr in relationships. To unlock Lilith’s potential, balance your spiritual and emotional sensitivity with practical, grounded action. When you integrate your intuitive gifts with a strong sense of self, you become a powerful healer, artist, or guide, helping others navigate the deeper currents of life.

Through the Houses:

1st House: You project an ethereal, sensitive, and compassionate presence, often blurring the lines between yourself and others. To unleash Lilith’s power, embrace your intuitive nature while establishing boundaries that protect your individuality.

2nd House: Your approach to material security may be marked by idealism or spirituality. Use Lilith’s energy to create financial stability through creative or healing work, but avoid escaping into fantasy when faced with practical challenges.

3rd House: You communicate with empathy and sensitivity, often intuitively understanding others’ thoughts and feelings. Use Lilith’s power to express your creative and spiritual insights, but avoid losing clarity or becoming vague in communication.

4th House: You may feel emotionally connected to your home and family, sometimes sacrificing your needs for the sake of others. Use Lilith’s energy to create a nurturing home while setting boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.

5th House: Creativity and romance are where you seek emotional connection and transcendence, often idealizing love or artistic pursuits. To fully express Lilith’s power, embrace your artistic or romantic visions while staying grounded to avoid disillusionment.

6th House: In work and daily routines, you are drawn to healing or spiritual practices but may struggle with boundaries. Use Lilith’s energy to serve others meaningfully, while ensuring you don’t neglect your needs or avoid responsibilities.

7th House: Relationships may feel deeply spiritual or idealistic, but you might struggle with boundaries or losing yourself in partnerships. To harness Lilith’s energy, seek emotional connection balanced with individual autonomy, avoiding the role of martyr.

8th House: You are drawn to the mystical and transformative aspects of life, seeking emotional or spiritual depth in intimate relationships. Use Lilith’s power to navigate intense emotional experiences, but avoid escaping into fantasy or obsession.

9th House: Your spiritual and philosophical beliefs may be highly idealistic, and you may seek higher truths or mystical experiences. To unlock Lilith’s potential, pursue your spiritual quest while staying grounded, avoiding dogmatic or escapist tendencies.

10th House: Lilith in the 10th house may lead you to seek recognition for your creative or spiritual talents, possibly pursuing a career in healing, art, or spirituality. Use this energy to build a career aligned with your values, but avoid disillusionment from unrealistic expectations.

11th House: You are drawn to idealistic social causes or communities, seeking connection with like-minded individuals in spiritual or creative groups. Use Lilith’s energy to contribute compassionately to collective goals, but be careful not to lose yourself in the group.

12th House: Lilith in the 12th house amplifies your connection to the unconscious and spiritual realms, often drawing you to deep mystical experiences. Use this energy for self-reflection and spiritual practices, but be cautious of retreating into isolation or escaping from reality.

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