TRAs having no empathy yet again
Teenagers who are pushed towards transitioning aren’t “pushovers” they’re mentally and emotionally vulnerable young people who shouldn’t be allowed to make life-changing medical decisions. Acknowledging this fact isn’t stopping adults from transitioning. It just aims to stops other vulnerable teenagers from doing the same.
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What does he look like as drowned rat?
Them, in all their drowned rat glory.
They start off as a really good agent, filled with confidence and really convincing to others! Then start to find out things on their own that the agency would rather they don't know (also through very illegal means but hey, whatever) and decide to dip.
Before leaving though, they act as the mentor to Clifford, a young and impressionable agent in training... and make sure that he's the best agent he can be according to their very harsh standards. They then even tell the higher ups, hey, kid's ready and you should give him a nice name for missions. And then suggests Bravo, convinced Clifford will accept any code name with gratitude, they want it more personal. But like. Personal to /them/.
So every time someone uses that code name, it's basically praising their hard work with the guy. Anyone who uses the name Bravo is acknowledging Clifford's skills, but more importantly, acknowledging the one who gave him those skills.
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making myself sad by thinking about the different perspectives around scaramouche and ei. he feels like she abandoned him and left him to die while ei said she didn't want to have control over him because she feels like she owes him something. fuck that shit
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so like i want to talk more abt what suicidal means but the problem is "suicidal ideation presents in two general forms, active and passive. the thing most people think of as suicidal is the active version, where the person *actively* desires to be dead and/or is making a plan to get there. the passive form however gets almost no attention in media so many people experiencing it are unaware they are even depressed, much less passively suicidal. some examples: not wanting to experience death but feeling like you wouldn't mind if you didn't wake up tomorrow or just stopped existing; feeling deeply exhausted with just the entire concept of being alive; even feeling like you want to run away, change your name, and start a whole new life; none of these look like suicidal ideation to most people because they don't involve actively doing anything to get from point a to point b, especially the more abstract ones like the start a new life thing - but remember that in order to truly start a whole new life, you have to destroy your current one. it's not suicidal as in wanting to actually DIE die, it's just. wanting something close enough to scratch the itch. but just because you haven't booked the ticket doesn't mean you don't still revisit the 'vacation activities at point b' tab occasionally to daydream, yknow?" is i think very informative and specific, but its also quite long and run on-y so people are v likely to tap out like a third of the way through it, whereas "suicidal doesnt necessarily mean wanting to die" is way shorter and therefore catchier, but is also the kind of nonspecific phrasing that gets you a thousand angry anons about how you said all suicidal people are just pretending they actually want to die or some dumb shit. so it's a fun line to toe
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finally finished kaleidoscope of death and i have to say that i did not see that twist coming...
because it was absurd, to say the least? don't get me wrong, i absolutely loved the plot and characters! it's just, the twist wasn't... fitting?
[ok spoiler below]
like, if it had been qiushi who was the door god it would have made more sense considering that the whole time, the reader is kept being reminded that qiushi wasn't quite reacting like humans would... almost like it was hinting that qiushi wasn't human
hell, some of the characters even pointed out that even nanzhu, the ever cold and steady leader of obsidian, had reacted to the doors more human than qiushi (you know, the depression, the time he had to spent recovering from each door)
double hell, even qiushi himself found it quite odd how he needed less time to recover from the doors in comparison to nanzhu and the others
so the twist being that nanzhu was the door god is just so... it feels like i've been blindsided? only because no part of the narrative ever suggested, even ever so slightly, that nanzhu was anything but human, ya know? so that twist felt kinda weird
it brings up so many questions too... like where did the doors come from? when did it start? before nanzhu, a door god, found interest in qiushi, what was in the twelfth door originally?
even so, i loved the story and its characters! i actually have a lot more to say, especially about the 11th door (maybe i'll dive into that later when i've actually gotten some sleep lol)
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