#but disclaimer: i never know what i'm talking about and today's probably not an exception

[raposarealm]

De-deification?! What- do you know what happened?

I will admit to being a bit behind on things (Pillar of Tomorrow is translated now, but I haven't read it in English yet, only attempted to do so in Japanese on the first day of the raid,) but... (kinda spoilers below)

At the end of the event, Iroha and Ui are returned to their normal states (presumably Mokyu is as well,) while Nemu and Touka stay up in... wherever the hell they were, to finish compiling the Magia Record. We see Iroha and Ui return to Mikadzuki Villa as well, and given at least the CGs from the current event Paradise Shift, their parents regained memory of them (which I'm curious to see how that's explained.) I'm not sure if Mugenroha counted as a 'deity', I was more joking than anything else. But I think that's the gist of it all, though I'm. Never really familiar with the happenings of Arc 2 and beyond, I'm still working my way through the beginning of the main story for Arc 2 I-

[davidmariottecomics]

The (Cash) Value of Art

Hello again, 

If you've been engaged in the comic and art spaces recently, you've probably noticed a number of troubling trends. While cost of living is rising, folks are looking up numbers showing rates have stagnated for extended periods (and given inflation, technically fallen). Folks are talking about being offered too little by places with big budgets. Folks are talking about massive delays or straight-up non-payments from comics publishers. And between NFTs featuring stolen artwork--a thing that has proven time and time again to be a scam of occasional worth, but no value; the seemingly ever-worsening state of actually crediting/acknowledging artists, much less listening when they say things like "do not repost or steal my art"; and AI tools that don't actually level any sort of artistic playing field and just steal and repurpose existing art (and user data and, sometimes, medical records?!) for the benefit of *checks notes* people who don't want to pay for art, it's a ROUGH time out there. 

DISCLAIMER: While I'm happy to harp on the negatives of art theft, as noted in that last point, I encourage doing your own due diligence on the first few. These are conversations that are happening and that, in conjunction with the rampant art theft and general devaluation of art that I'll be talking about today, I wanted to make sure got mentioned. However, as a lot of these conversations are coming from social media, I do think it's worth doing independent verification of any claims. I'm not here to say whether or not companies are paying people--I don't know. I'm saying that it's being discussed. 

What I am going to talk about more at length today is, generally, how you can value your art and take that valuation with you in all avenues you may pursue. These tips might not work for everyone, but maybe they'll work for you. 

The Value of Art

Chances are, if you're reading this, you already know what I'm about to say, but maybe you need a reminder. Art is human expression. It is the distillation of an idea by an artist in whatever medium they may choose. It may be inspiring or emotional or wrought with pain or just a funny little picture of a funny little guy because you were bored. It may have meaning and purpose and depth, or be vapid and convenient and random, and both can be enjoyable. Art is, I'd reckon, one of the base ways we relate to each other. It can be communication and entertainment, and one can beget the other. I am someone immersed in art all the time--from my work to the things in my home to what I consume in the public sphere. Art pays my bills (speaking of, my cats had to go to the vet--routine check-ups and vaccines and stuff, but not great timing, so if you wanna support me, check out the shop and buy my art). It has helped me when I've been down. It's brought me great joy. Art is valuable. Your art is valuable. Even if it is for no one except yourself, your art is worth your time and energy in that you created something you set out to create. 

So it really sucks when people devalue your art externally. It sucks that while social media has allowed for artists to find outreach and build audiences and community webs like never before, it's also an ever-churning engine looking for something to self-promote. An artist's post on Twitter is equally free promotion for Twitter as a place to find the artist and their work as it is the artist themselves. Sometimes, the equation's even more unbalanced as the proliferation of free art being shared by artists has led to entitled folks believing they have a right to all art--from taking and reposting art without credit (or, equally infuriatingly, with "credit to the artist") to piracy to the new wave of feeding other people's hard work without their knowledge or against their will into programs that allow other people to use and make a profit from their work. This is a particularly important point--the art's value isn't lost. AI generators, NFTs, the aforementioned social media--they're making money off of that work, instead of it going to the creators of the work. And people often submit that willingly because--at best, they don't know better, and at worst, they seek to actively cause harm to the artists. 

When there's so much happening, it can be disheartening. It feels like attacks against the worth of your work on all sides. And as many artists point out, they'd love to be able to make art for free (and, often do, though when they do, the fact it was free is overlooked and underappreciated). But they have bills and wants and needs and as long as we're using money to pay for things, a need for money for their work (as one last aside, pretty sure you could sub artists for sex workers and art for sex work and have the statement be equally true--notable because many forms of sex work overlap with art and also, y'know, people who have their work and humanity devalued gotta stick together, y'know). 

So, when it seems like things are against you, how do you value your own art?  

A Fair Price

What is a fair price is for your art? How can you set a price that you feel is justified? Who decides that price? Big questions, I know, but hopefully simple answers. 

The what and the how go hand-in-hand. I don't have it in front of me, but I've seen a pretty good calculation for setting rates in the past that is something like: 

Minimum Wage x Estimated Hours to Complete a Piece [taking into account style, complexity, and layers--a sketch takes less time than a fully colored multi-panel comic page--as an extra note here, you may want to ramp your "hours" up as a valuation of expertise, if you are quicker because you've learned and practiced to become able to work more quickly, take into account the hours spent getting there too] + Cost of Materials divided by Number of Projects they can be used for [how long does your pencil last? Your iPad? Monthly costs of electricity and/or internet? Also including shipping costs if those apply] + X Project Specific Materials [if you're paying for a special font or canvas or reference material] + the biggest variable, Minimum Wage x Estimated Hours for Promotion [that is to say, if you're expected to self-promote a project, how much you expect that sort of marketing work will cost/would be traded off for other work]. 

You might go up or down with whatever number you come up with, but now you have a base and one that is justified through a lot of your time and consideration. And that's the biggest thing--despite art appraisers and the budgets of commissioners [or a private or business level]--only you can really set the standard for how much you'd like to be paid. 

How to Go About Talking $$$ The short and sweet is, if you have a number in mind to start, you're ready for the conversation. Not all art budgets are going to match your number. Sometimes, occasionally, you'll be offered even higher (and unless the project is evil--probably worth saying, some art is inherently vile and bad and evil--you should take it). Sometimes you'll be lowballed and it'll be up to you whether or not you take it. A lot of the time, you'll be given a price that someone somewhere, not the person talking to you in the moment, said is the amount that can be paid. 

To that end, remember to be polite to the person attempting to hire you. Keep your number in mind and see if they have any flexibility if it isn't being met. I recommend talking budget early--either with deadline or after confirming the deadline will work. And ask your questions early too. Places should be able to answer basic questions about the money: how it can be paid, if there is an average/expected time that it is paid in (sometimes called a Net period), questions about rights, other usage, etc. 

From there, go with your gut. Ask a peer if something seems off. But if you know how much you value your art, that's the way to start the conversation. 

Speaking of the value of art and how artists need $$$ to pay for things... my friends Elizabeth and Danny had their catalytic converter stolen right off their car and those are expensive, so if you like good comics and stuff, maybe go and help them out! And Becca's shop is slightly updated and open through 12/26, speaking of someone who has recently been giving a lot of free art to social media and deserves to be paid for their work. Also, if you're an adult and a Genshin Impact fan, they're currently doing one of those "strip" trends of a sort... Also, lots of really good Makimas recently for you CSM fans. 

Next week: THE LAST BLOG OF THE YEAR! It's going to be a goodbye of sorts as I say a bit about my time with Transformers as we part ways for now, as well as saying goodbye to the first year of this blog. Hope to see you there! 

Things I've been enjoying this week: Heading out shortly to hang out and watch Xmas movies with the aforementioned Elizabeth, Danny, and Becca! Candy canes. Honkai Impact (Video game). Chainsaw Man (Anime & Manga). Knowing Star Saber's on his way and should be here Monday (and some other TFs are going to be coming home soon too). Finding something as a present that you didn't think you'd see before Xmas and is now under the tree. Advent calendars. Lego Masters (TV show). The Simpsons (TV show). Tiansheng being such a good boy for the vet (Nadja was not and so we have to go back Wednesday with her dosed with a calming drug beforehand). Hades II!!!!!!!! Getting through a chunk of my to-do list. This past week wasn't quite as "Winter Slumpy" as I was expecting, but I made good progress. 

Also, I took a pull on Genshin and got the artist formerly known as Scaramouche by accident and Becca still needs to pull him because they're actually much more interested, so one more plug, please buy some stuff from Becca so they can get this guy.  

New Releases this week (12/7/2022): Sonic the Hedgehog #55 (Editor) Transformers: Best of Windblade (Editor--our penultimate TF book) Godzilla Monsters & Protectors: All Hail the King #3 (Editor! My first Godzilla book!)

New releases next week (12/14/2022): Transformers: Shattered Glass II #5 (Supervising Editor--Our last TF book. More next week). 

Pic of the Week: Last week I drew a silly little comic about how doing self-promotion, including for this blog, kinda backfired as it seemed like I was being throttled in who my posts were reaching, as well as how to get past it (hint: he's fast and blue and I think I literally already posted this here, but whoops?). 

[mon-ancien-amour]

haha okay so he talked to me again today (and the best part was he saw me, looked at my outfit, smiled, and said something like "look at you in your pretty dress" LOL) he's been really friendly with me since we became commute buddies (although tbh this whole year he's been very open with me, especially when we're not in the office environment). i love it.

back in undergrad when i was like 21 I used to do these "teacher crush challenges" (disclaimer : i do not condone this IRL) and I'm reading some of my answers from back then and honestly, it's wild how some of the info has changed

yes he has met some of my family, yes I know his birthday/star sign, yes we talk regularly, yes i am his favourite, yes he has called me beautiful (veryyyyy indirectly but i'll take it ;))

i often wonder if he knew i had a hardcore crush on him like-- i used to blush and splutter and now that I've significantly matured, the "crush" is less obvious than it was 10 years ago.

also dw guys, i know this sounds creepy but he is not creepy, he keeps very professional boundaries with his students (and even me. like why are we still vouvoying each other after 10 years.)

On another note. TAing is such an easy job that it's almost offensive. I'm capable of so much more. I feel so defeated after "teaching" bc i basically just administer the exercises the profs suggest week after week. I'm going to start modifying bc this is my 4th year teaching the same class and the design for the course makes no sense. Like we did an activity today and I looked at the instructions and BLAH I should have better prepared it bc it made me look incompetent. but it's not my fault bc I don't get to plan the course material. Also this year is kind of skewed bc I have a massive class (28 instead of the usual 10-15) with very different ability levels. We have international students who have never learned French and this one retiree who REALLY should be in the next level up. She's too advanced and it's making it hard because she asks questions that cause the other younger students to look like deer in headlights lol

oh yeahhh i also decided quit my profession for good after having a full-on mental breakdown last weekend wheeeee except I decided to give THREE months notice which was probably a mistake but it is what it is, I'll suck it up until then and just save money I guess

gonna tell docteur French about my decision later this year, maybe once I get an agent or smthing so he doesn't think i'm an irresponsible millennial who quit my job with no back-up plan

[0thsense]

20 12 2022

wow it has been a while since I last posted. i dont remember the pet names i gave people anymore, so ill just have to use new ones. so yea things havent been going very well. after all these years im still unable to do work, so i cant really hope for anything in life. id like to say im seriously considering an heroing but im probably objectively still far from that point. its almost like i wish i was actually considering an heroing because that means ive already hit the bottom and dont need to worry about feeling even worse than i do now. looking back, its hard to see all the factors that led me here, but i guess i can share a couple things i experienced recently. im still not sure whether to write this as if anyone except myself will ever read it, so idk if "sharing" makes sense. anyways, benny visited recently, and shared how after breaking up with his long-term girlfriend of 3 years, he had a "wayward" phase where he just fucked hella girls basically. and he felt super bad about it because hes a pretty devout christian. i understand why he shared it to me because im in a unique position of understanding christianity with my christian background but not actually christian so he wont just get judged extremely hard by the church. despite that, it still kind of felt like a brag to me, and a little insensitive since im a fucking virgin, which idk if ive told him explicitly but he surely must have considered the possibility. its unfortunate because i consider benny to overall be a really good and understanding person. of course i didnt tell him any of this and just took it as he shared for hours about his conquests and his inner conflicts from just having easy access to sex, oh woe is him right. i told him to just never meet girls like me, maybe he got the message after that. more importantly i had a dream, let me try to remember the details precisely. i was in a clubhouse of some sorts (maybe for pingpong?) that was pretty packed with people, it started small but slowly grew since i guess i love fantasizing in my dreams that my presence helps communities grow. one day we were celebrating something, maybe a member's birthday or something, and i was hanging out with one of the newer members jessica towards the back. I forget what we were talking about but it segued into her starting to whisper to me something like, "you know, I might not have made it to this clubhouse ... I was very close to killing myself the week I first came here". by the tone of her voice and her expression, she was clearly being extremely vulnerable and entrusting to me. my first instinct was to say meekly (in my usual style), "well im glad you're here now" or something like that, and then the dream abruptly ended. I realized after I woke up how utterly pathetic that was. I was so concerned with how my response would appear to her, I was only concerned with staying in her good graces. In the past I was not so concerned over my appearances to this pathetic of a level. If I was thinking about her instead, I would have let her know that she did not have to worry anymore, that she should never have to experience that misery again, and I would make sure of it. I really wish I can say that and mean it one day. I'm of the opinion that the most useful individual definition of reality is simply one's experiences. In that sense dreams are real until you wake up and realize you've been dreaming. That's why I never want to lucid dream again, at that point it's as real as simply fantasizing during the day when you know you are fantasizing. Dreams are precious because they are the only way you really experience dreamlike scenarios, and in today's one I fell gravely short. I'm sorry jessica. I have some other things I want to write but I think I will save those for another day, with the usual disclaimer theres a 50% chance this is my last post ever.

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Mist | Choi San | Chapter 2

Pairing: Choi San x OC (Seohyun)

Genre: supernatural (ghost), romance, high school

Trigger Warnings: paranormal, death mentions, violence

Words: 7.2k

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my original character and the story. I do not own any gifs or pictures used.

Full story on Wattpad (don’t spoil here if you read there too)

chapter directory

-----------

A few paranormally uneventful days passed. Seohyun hadn't exactly opened up to the group of boys that she was now able to call friends, but she was slowly getting there. It was hard not to smile when one of them cracked a silly joke, and harder not to laugh when they had a battle of wits.

She was slowly getting used to her new school. She was past the stage of being a new kid and the students in her class had stopped giving her those looks. She was unnoticed, and she loved it.

Today, like every other morning, Seohyun got ready for school, tying her hair in a half ponytail, peeking out of the window to check if she should wear her glasses or cap today. She had to hide her eyes somehow, they always betrayed her. She didn't want anyone to think she liked to stare into the space. But then she shrugged and tossed her glasses in the bag, wearing her cap as she went to the kitchen.

Her mother was a very busy woman and she liked to spend almost all her day in her office. She was rarely home even if she had a day off anyway. So Seohyun just made herself some coffee, munching on some cookies as she waited for the coffee to become cool enough to drink.

"I still don't get why you let the housemaid go," Jiwoo popped out of nowhere and twirled around the kitchen.

"Well, I didn't entirely let her 'go'. She still comes by on the weekends, you already know that."

"But still! What's wrong with having food everyday?" Jiwoo pushed her dark red hair back as she tsk-ed at Seohyun.

"For one, I wanted to learn to cook, and the food she made was always too much for just me. I always had to throw it out or give it to someone before it went bad. Mom's never home to eat anyway."

"I actually hate your mom, no offence," Jiwoo looked at her and Seohyun shook her head, "I mean, what kind of a mother is she?"

"A woman married to her work with an abnormal child, I kind of understand why she's like this," Seohyun muttered.

"Nah, you're not abnormal. You're gifted. And you don't appreciate it enough."

"No offence, unnie, but ghosts are the company I'd rather not have," Seohyun rinsed her cup and placed it on the rack, taking her school bag and locking the door.

"What's wrong with me?" Jiwoo asked.

"You're one of the better ones, but only because you had temporary amnesia before you died and you still don't know who exactly you are and why you're a ghost!" Seohyun snorted at the weirdness of all this.

"You think I'd ever be able to recall? Or just be stuck with you forever?" Jiwoo asked.

"I'd rather you try to move around and find out who you are instead of making me look like I talk to myself."

"Ah, you pain me, child. It's all because you have new friends now and don't care about me anymore. Right, catto?"

The black cat, which Seohyun hadn't noticed earlier, meowed in response.

"And, here comes the pretty one," Jiwoo grinned and Seohyun looked in her direction to find San coming their way.

"Pretty one? Seriously?" Seohyun shook her head.

"I mean, they're all pretty, but I like this kid more-"

"Hey," San gave her a smile as he meowed to the cat, who gladly jumped in San's arm when he put them forward.

"This little-" Seohyun stopped, and San laughed. "She never comes when I ask!"

"She likes me more, it seems," San rubbed her forehead and she purred, and they walked in comfortable silence to school the rest of the way.

They almost reached the gates of the school but something Seohyun saw from the corner of her eye made her stop in her tracks.

It was a ghost, yet it was something else. It wasn't someone who had died recently for sure. The man, the ghost if you could call it that, was bitter.

"You okay?" San asked, looking in the direction Seohyun was looking in. To him, it seemed she was looking at a wall.

"Yeah, I-I'm okay. Why don't you go ahead? I'll be right back. I should take her too," Seohyun picked the cat from San's hand, "We don't want her roaming around the school and getting scared, do we now?"

San raised a suspicious brow at her, but nodded as he reluctantly went in.

The man tried approaching Seohyun first, but she motioned him to follow her and went to the backside of the school, where surely there would be very few people walking by at this time.

"State your business," Seohyun said, and the man actually looked taken aback, if his eyes could display some emotion.

Truth be told, Seohyun was always scared dealing with men ghosts and older ghosts in general. Since ghosts could touch her, they were as much of a threat to her as humans. And these old ghosts, the ones with skin that looked grey, almost as if the ghost had started decomposing too, were usually not in their right mind.

"I have waited decades to find the mediator," the man's eyes gleamed rather wickedly.

"Mediator?" Seohyun asked. A rather fancy term for someone who could see the dead. "And why did you have to wait decades?"

"Let's say the mediator supposed to sort my death out met with rather... unfortunate circumstances," the man cleared his throat but his voice was still hoarse as he said, "You have to come with me."

"Well, if you waited decades, can you wait a few more hours? I have school, and please do NOT disturb me during my class," Seohyun made sure her tone was polite as she said this, but the man grunted. Before he could try anything, she muttered an awkward bye and walked swiftly to the gates, letting the cat go. She didn't realize she'd been holding the cat for comfort.

San, who had just witnessed Seohyun talking to thin air from the other side of the road, sighed loudly as he walked slowly to the gates.

San hadn't meant to follow her, but he turned around after a few steps of walking to the building, hoping to offer to come along with her, but when he saw her stop in the middle of the road and look as if she was actually talking to someone, he paused. He knew he shouldn't, but he watched her. And he did not know what to make of it.

Was Seohyun crazy? Didn't look like it. If she was, she did a damn good job at hiding it. When San finally reached class, he saw Seohyun chatting with Jongho. Perfectly normal. Or was she?

San said nothing as he sat in his spot, but he felt her tap his shoulder. He turned around and she asked, "I thought you went to class, where were you roaming around?"

San stared at her light brown orbs, coming out of the trance when she blinked. "I just wanted to walk around a bit."

He saw her frown but then she nodded and went back to chatting with Jongho. San turned back in his seat, and throughout the classes, he kept wondering if that was the reason why she covered her face or eyes.

When school ended, Seohyun said she had to go somewhere and said bye. San made an excuse too and started to follow her. He was going to see for himself, what she was gonna do.

San knew it was impolite to do this. And he knew if she found out, she'd really be angry with him, maybe never talk to him again. This was supposed to be her secret for sure. She would probably never tell any one of them. He wasn't even sure what it was.

Seohyun led him to an abandoned warehouse, and he heard her say, "Why bring me here?"

She paused for a few second, looking around as if for help, and San ducked quickly behind the boxes before she could see her. He couldn't hear her now, but he did get bits about how it was creepy of 'him' to bring her to this place without warning her, and he didn't miss how she kept looking behind her, as if she was waiting for someone to appear or just didn't want to keep doing this.

Who was this 'him'? Her imaginary friend? A ghost? San shook his head, and got on his feet when he noticed her go inside the warehouse.

San crept up behind them, and couldn't believe what he saw.

The locked door somehow unlocked, somehow the chains fell and the door magically opened wide in front of her, without Seohyun having even moved a finger.

What was happening?

Seohyun was asked to come in the warehouse and she couldn't ignore the roaring of her gut that told her something was going to go really, really wrong. She had such a strong feeling some years ago too, and she had barely gotten away from her life then.

All her nerves screamed at her to run, anywhere, just not go in. Where was Jiwoo when she needed her? Seohyun was kind of furious how she was never there for her.

Seohyun watched the old man walk in, looking around, and before she entered, she turned her head once hoping she would see Jiwoo-

Instead, she felt her heart sink as she saw none other than San, attempting to hide as their eyes met.

"Come in now, don't keep me waiting," the man grumbled, and Seohyun shouted an okay to him before she looked at San, hoping to warn him with her eyes as she put a finger to her mouth, telling him not to make a sound and motioning him to stay where he was.

Seohyun went inside, her heart slamming against her chest. This wasn't supposed to happen. San must think she's crazy or worse. Her mind made a mental list of how many ways this could go wrong.

"I used to think mediators ran in the family. But the one who was supposed to help me, he did not have any offspring. I spent so many years in ignorance, not knowing that it was completely random. Just like god picking up a needle in the haystack."

"Cut to the chase. What do you want with me and why bring me here?"

"I have forgotten why I died. And I want to move on. But I can't because I don't remember why I am still here. Someone told me there were various other ways to move on... Let's say I had to try."

As soon as Seohyun saw the growing smirk on the man, she knew it was time to run the hell away. But several bottles came flying at her, and she barely dodged them as they crashed on the wall next to her.

"You don't have to do this! It's wrong! I help dead people move on, there must be a way other than stupid violence-"

But the man waved another hand and now the boxes came flying at her. She was grabbed by the arm and pulled against someone, and she sighed in both relief and horror as she saw it was San.

"Are you stupid! You'll get hurt!" She yelled at him. He just took her hand and ran towards the shelves, hoping to hide from whatever it was that sent flying objects in the air. He almost dragged her until he was sure he was quite away from whatever it was.

"What the hell is happening?" San asked through his teeth.

"Why did you even follow me? Are you stupid?"

"Who is it?" San's grip on her wrist tightened as his eyes searched around.

"It's a ghost, San. Do you believe me?" Seohyun asked, waiting for a snide remark.

"From what I've seen? Sure," San muttered, and Seohyun wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic.

"He's near. Let's move," Seohyun said, and this time, she grabbed San's hand as she led him through the various shelves that lined the warehouse, glad they weren't empty.

A blast shocked them, making them jump in the air as they realized the shelves were collapsing one by one.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Seohyun ran, San matching her pace and she ran her eyes around, finally finding a place to hide. It was a narrow passage between huge containers. Seohyun looked at her options. The man was blocking the entrance so now they could just hide and pray for help or... die. If that's the worst that was to come.

Seohyun dragged San with her to the narrow passage, both of them barely fitting in the small dark place. Now they were side to side but San's body was still half out, so Seohyun pulled him closer, until he was almost in front of him. Since the passage was so narrow and short, there wasn't much gap between them.

San was a bundle of nerves and all, his heart beating wildly. "What's going on-"

"Shh," Seohyun whispered, putting a hand on his mouth to shut him up, "I'll explain everything later, I promise."

San nodded, taking off her hand from his mouth but not leaving it. Seohyun was too busy concentrating on where the man was to notice it. He saw her wince, and she looked at San with apologetic eyes.

"If something happens to us, I'm sorry, San. I'll do my best to save you. The man-the ghost is after me. I don't know why," Seohyun sighed, and San squeezed her hand assuringly.

"I'm with you. Nothing will happen," he whispered, thinking he must sound stupid to say that. But it must have given her some sort of assurance. She put her head on San's chest, sighing again.

The two of them heard the sounds of things getting destroyed alright, Seohyun hearing the man as well, and Seohyun almost cried in relief as she heard Jiwoo whisper her name.

"I can teleport you, but what about him-"

"Either we both go, or we both stay," Seohyun said firmly. She wasn't going to leave him alone.

"Go where?" San asked. Seohyun told him her friend was here and she could help.

Jiwoo looked at Seohyun and a slow grin appeared on her face. "There is something I could try..."

"What?" Seohyun narrowed her eyes at Jiwoo.

"What if I teleport you, but you're still holding San? Would he come with us?"

"I don't know, unnie..." Seohyun trailed, but an idea stuck to her. "It's the same as when I have something with me right? A bag, a cap, something. But that's objects. What about actual humans?"

"Remember when we accidentally teleported our cat once? It was holding on to you and you had forgotten. What if this works?"

Seohyun bit her lip. It was worth a try. "If it doesn't work, promise me we'll come back to San right then."

"But your body can't handle too many teleportations-"

"Promise me," Seohyun insisted, and Jiwoo rolled her eyes as she nodded. "Hurry up, he's closer."

"San, listen to me carefully," Seohyun said. "You know what teleportation is, right?"

San wanted to ask her if now was really the time, but he said yes- from the movies, and she continued, "I'm gonna attempt to teleport you along with me. My friend is gonna do that. You have to trust me."

"No way," San muttered, sighing deeply.

"Yes, you were stupid and brave enough to follow me, so yes, we are teleporting. I've done it before, but I've never teleported someone... normal with me, so this might not work. So if I disappear, and you're here all alone, I promise you, San, that I'll be back within a minute, okay?"

"How am I supposed to make sense of all you're saying?" San's eyes were helpless.

"Just... trust me. I won't leave you alone. I promise. Now, I have to, er, hold you, so she can teleport us. Gotta make sure I take you with me..."

Seohyun heard Jiwoo snicker, and she passed her a death glare. San, tempted to roll his eyes, held her hands.

"I'm afraid I'll have to hold you tighter. You see, when we teleport, we tend to lose what we're not holding tightly..."

"Oh..." San left her hands, and Seohyun muttered 'here goes nothing' as she wrapped her arms around San's waist, surprised that it was so small.

"Hold me tightly, and no matter what, do not let me go, you understand?"

"Yes ma'am," San said as he bent down to place his chin on her shoulder and bring her closer. "This okay?"

"Yes," Seohyun realized she was holding her breath, so she said, "Take a deep breath, San."

San did so, and Jiwoo smirked a little, watching two scared children hug each other. She came forward, holding Seohyun only, and did her magic.

San felt his stomach twist and turn, saw a million colourful stars, almost got nauseous but his only comfort was Seohyun so he held her tighter and shut his eyes. He didn't open them again until he landed on hard ground, his back aching with the impact.

He opened his eyes and saw... nothing.

He wasn't sure if he was blind or not, but he looked down and saw Seohyun half on top of him, attempting to get up, and he realized he had his vision all right.

"Where the hell," Seohyun got up, "are we?"

"I guess your body could only attempt a half trip," Jiwoo said, and San instantly turned at the voice, making eye contact with the red haired girl.

"That's the ghost friend that teleported us?" San asked Seohyun.

"You can see her!?" Seohyun asked, and San looked at Jiwoo.

"I wasn't supposed to see her, was I?" He raised his brow, and Seohyun looked at Jiwoo.

"Hey, kid, nice to officially meet you," Jiwoo said, holding out a hand to him so he could stand up. San tried to take it, but his hand passed through Jiwoo's hand, and he gasped.

"I guess you can only see then," Seohyun bit her lip as she looked around. "Is this where ghosts come when they... move on?"

"That's where I come when I'm not on planet Earth," Jiwoo said, "It's like another plane, you could say, another dimension overlapping ours, except this one is for ghosts."

"What now? Should we try again?" Seohyun asked, coughing a bit.

"You should take a breather first. Your body can't handle it," Jiwoo nodded at her and Seohyun sat down on the ground, putting her head over her knees as she brought them closer, shivering a little. Jiwoo was right, something was happening to her. Like a cold coming to her.

"Is she okay?" San asked Jiwoo, and she shrugged. San ran his fingers through his hair as he looked around, finding no source of light that illuminated the area around them.

So Seohyun wasn't crazy. Somehow, though it made no sense, she could see ghosts, she could touch them. San looked at Jiwoo and opened his mouth to ask something, but then thought against it. Now was not the time.

"I know you have a lot of questions," Jiwoo commented, "Let's try to get out of here first before we have the talk."

"Has she... ever brought someone here?" San asked.

"This is the first time she came here too," Jiwoo said, "Usually when a ghost teleports her, it's quick and efficient. Much like you see in movies or books."

"We should get out of this place quick. I don't want him to come find us here," Seohyun said, getting up.

"Are you sure you're okay? Can you make it back?" Jiwoo asked.

"I have to," Seohyun said.

Jiwoo nodded, and Seohyun looked at San for permission. San came forward and they both held each other tight as Jiwoo attempted to teleport them again.

This time, they landed on soft grass, but the impact with which they did sent them rolling a bit. San's breath was knocked out of him and he coughed loudly, gasping for breath. As soon as he recovered, he looked for Seohyun-

Seohyun was bent rather awkwardly, and it looked like she wasn't moving. San and Jiwoo both rushed to her, straightening her body. Jiwoo checked if she was breathing.

"She is breathing. She must have collapsed from being tired, don't worry, it's happened before too," Jiwoo assured him.

San sighed, looking up at the sky, wondering what he had gotten himself into. He looked around, finding the place familiar.

"Is this... the park near our school?" San asked Jiwoo.

"Yes, I tried to teleport us as close to Seohyun's home as possible, but looks like we could only make it till here."

"What if someone had seen us appear out of thin air?"

Jiwoo laughed. "They'd probably run for their lives. You'd be aliens."

San smiled a little at that. That's exactly what he would have thought if he had seen Seohyun.

"So are you... Seohyun's friend?" San finally asked.

"You could say that. I'm older than her so she always calls me unnie, but I keep telling her to call me Jiwoo."

"Then I'll call you noona," San smiled, making Jiwoo grin.

"She helps ghosts move on. When someone dies and they have unfinished business that they just can't leave behind, they sometimes choose to become ghosts until they get done with that. Seohyun helps them do that."

"That must be hard..." San wondered if it was always as bad as this time.

"It is, but what happened today is not a common occurrence. The man she saw today, he's been dead for a good while and has forgotten his purpose here. I once heard the other ghosts talk about him too. Ghosts like that, you have to avoid them. They're bitter, and usually mean Seohyun harm."

"So now... I can see you, does that mean I'll be able to see other ghosts too?"

"You'll find out soon," Jiwoo said.

Seohyun woke up with a gasp, her eyes wide. Jiwoo helped her sit up, and Seohyun muttered 'water'. San quickly opened Seohyun's bag and fished out her bottle, which she drank hungrily from, some water spilling down her chin as well.

"Slow down, kid," Jiwoo patted her back. Seohyun emptied the whole bottle, wiping her chin, then felt something run down her nose.

"Nosebleed. Do you have tissues?" Jiwoo asked and Seohyun shrugged, looking upwards and holding her nose. Jiwoo searched through her bag but San took out a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to Seohyun.

"Does this usually happen?" San asked.

"No... it's the first time," Jiwoo admitted. Seohyun nodded too. "When we accidentally teleported the cat with her, she became dehydrated, but that was it."

Seohyun wiped her nose, looking at Jiwoo and she gave her a thumbs up.

"I shouldn't have followed you..." San shook his head, "It's because of me that-"

"You shouldn't have, but I'm kind of glad you did. Jiwoo is unreliable as a ghost friend and who knows what would have happened to me if you were not there? I could have died," Seohyun said nonchalantly.

"HEY!" Jiwoo smacked her arm but Seohyun ignored her.

"But look at you-" San was cut by Seohyun putting her hand up and saying, "I need food, and I mean NOW."

A few minutes later, they were watching Seohyun hungrily gulp down noodles and fried chicken. San had stopped eating midway just to watch her eat with a speed he hadn't ever seen before.

"Are you sure you're even chewing?" He asked, and Seohyun glared at him.

"The food is not going anywhere, Seohyun, slow down," Jiwoo laughed, "seeing you eat like this is making me wish I could eat too."

"Okay, mom," Seohyun said, finally slowing down. They ate the rest of the food silently, then Seohyun decided she'd like some coffee. They decided to walk her home as she sipped on her coffee and answered San's questions.

"Have you ever told anyone?" San asked first.

"Never. My mom only knows because she's, well, my mom and it's weird when a little kid sees stuff nobody else does."

"And what has she done about this?" San wasn't sure if he should have asked this.

Seohyun sighed, "She tried to 'help' me, but then she decided avoiding me was the best way. So now she's married to her work."

"And your dad?"

"He's never been here in the first place."

"Oh..." San faltered, but saw Seohyun shrug. "You can ask me anything, San. You deserve an explanation. Don't hesitate."

"Why can you see ghosts?"

"I don't know that either," Seohyun smiled as she looked at the sky. "Born this way?"

"Would you have ever told us?" San asked. Seohyun stopped walking at that, and faced him.

"To be honest, I've never made friends, San, because of this reason. That someone would find out. They'd never believe me, they'd think I'm crazy. So I don't know if I would have told you guys, ever," Seohyun paused, "But you found out, and you witnessed everything. What do you think?"

San scratched his neck. "I think you're right. I don't think any of us would have believed you. We'd have dismissed it as a joke. But now that I did see everything... It's different now. I hope you understand that."

"You sure you don't want to, I don't know, ever talk to me and all?"

San smiled. "You think I'd abandon my friend just like that?"

Seohyun couldn't help but stare at San, his sharp eyes that grew warmer every time he smiled, how they slightly curved.

"I want you to know that if it was anyone of us, and they had seen what I had seen, they would have never abandoned you. We don't take our friendships lightly."

"That's... good to hear," Seohyun finally smiled. "Do you think they'd believe us if we tell them?"

"They'd need some convincing, but yes, they would. Do you want to tell them?"

"Not yet," Seohyun said, "When the time is right."

San nodded, and squeezed her hand. "If you're ever in danger, you tell me, okay? If you need anyone, or anything, you tell me, got it? You don't have to face this alone anymore."

Seohyun almost cried right there, but she held it back, squeezing his hand back and nodding. They walked a few minutes until she finally reached home.

"Thank you, San. For everything." Seohyun smiled at him, and this time it was a true smile. San was actually taken aback. It felt like she had truly smiled for the first time, unfiltered.

"Anytime," San managed to say, and watched her go in. He took a deep breath, trying to shake off the image of Seohyun smiling, but found himself smiling too.

Meanwhile, Seohyun collapsed as soon as she entered, and she allowed herself to cry, both happy and sad tears, happy that someone finally understood her, and sad that it hadn't happen earlier. Jiwoo sat down with her, silently rubbing her back.

----------------

Seohyun almost slept in the next day, only woken up for school when Jiwoo threw her off the bed for 'sleeping like a sloth'. She couldn't exactly blame her. Seohyun had been so tired that after crying her heart out, she'd only had the energy to change before she collapsed on her bed and slept without moving an inch.

"My whole body hurts like I did some major workout," Seohyun mumbled as she tried running towards school, but gave up. She'd just walk.

"I don't recall you having such after effects after a teleportation," Jiwoo wondered.

"When it's just me, I'm only drained a bit. Like running. But even when I took the cat accidentally, my head hurt a lot. This time it was a whole human."

"Maybe because they aren't meant to be there," Jiwoo shrugged, meowing at the cat who appeared out of nowhere as usual. "Sometimes I think you might have transferred this teleportation thing to your cat too."

"Except 'I' can't teleport. You ghosts can," Seohyun corrected. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't tried teleporting herself home from school. How cool would that have been?

Jiwoo picked the cat and quickly passed it to Seohyun so no one would witness a flying cat. Seohyun draped her over her shoulder so Jiwoo could play with her. As they were walking, they saw San standing in a corner. He waved, then joined them.

"Hi noona," he said, and Jiwoo tried poking San but her hand went through him.

"I guess you can still only see," Jiwoo shook her head, continuing to pet the cat.

"You can touch the cat? And she sees you?" San asked, curiously watching them.

"Ever since we accidentally teleported her, I can touch her. But I'm pretty sure she could see me before too. All cats can, I think."

"Interesting..."

"Were you... waiting for us or something?" Seohyun finally asked.

"I was. I couldn't sleep last night, truth be told. I kept thinking about what happened. In fact, I'm surprised I didn't freak out..."

"I'm more surprised about that," Seohyun admitted.

"Meanwhile Seohyun here slept as soon as she reached home and I had to wake her up for school too," Jiwoo flipped her hair dramatically. Seohyun scoffed at that.

"You must be very tired... Are you okay?" San asked.

Seohyun nodded, and before she could say something they heard someone calling their names. It was Wooyoung and Yeosang. They joined them, Wooyoung putting his arm over San's shoulder as he said, "You're early today. You usually come in last minute."

"I woke up early today," San said casually, his eyes darting towards Seohyun unconsciously. Yeosang noticed that, trying to stop the smile creeping on his mouth as he looked between Seohyun and San. Seohyun gave him a warning glare, one she made sure was strong enough.

As they waited for class to start, Seohyun was resting her head on the desk. She couldn't quite believe the fact that someone now knew who she was, and was not disgusted or freaked out by her. She couldn't stop wondering what the future would be like, what if this group of boys would really get her to warm up to them, and how they would react if they found out.

San turned around in his seat, a frown growing on his face as he noticed how tired she looked. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Just very, very tired," Seohyun sighed, lifting her head.

"What if the ghost-man comes here?" San asked.

"Oh. I'd totally forgotten about him..." Seohyun bit her lip, "Well, he knows better not to make a scene in front of people, so chances are he won't."

"Chances? That ghost was dangerous!" San hissed, "What if he does come here?"

"Jiwoo must be out on watch. She'd warn me." Seohyun said, and San looked a little relieved at that. "It's not like the ghost can hurt you, so don't worry."

San rolled his eyes. "I'm worried about you, stupid."

"Oh," Seohyun paused. "You don't have to. I'll be fine."

San tsk-ed at her, turning back in his seat. Seohyun stared at the back of his head. Yunho dragged his seat towards Seohyun as he said, "You both are getting along rather well."

"Well," Seohyun slumped back in her seat, "he keeps talking."

Yunho laughed at that, "He's been thinking of names for your cat too."

"I won't approve if I don't like it. He knows that, right?"

"I'll give a good name, don't worry," San turned back in his seat, having overheard the conversation.

"I don't have much expectations from you, to be honest," Seohyun said casually, tucking her hair behind her ear, "I think Jongho there could give a much better name. He looks like he actually uses his brain."

Yunho and San looked at each other and giggled at that. Her observation was true. Jongho was infamously known as the 'only braincell' of the group. Yunho told her that, which actually made her smile.

"See? I know how to spot the smart ones."

"Who do you think is the most dumb one out of us?" San asked, attempting to make puppy eyes so she won't pick him. Seohyun looked at each one of them slowly, then said, "I haven't talked to you all much, but Wooyoung looks like he doesn't really like to use his brain."

The pair of them laughed so loud at that, catching the rest of the boys' attention as Seohyun tried to shut them up. But they were in tears, slapping their thighs as they laughed.

"Can the both of you stop? San you're second dumbest, just so you know."

That just made them laugh harder. The boys slowly came to them, muttering how they wanted to know what was 'so funny that they were howling'.

"She thinks the smartest one of us is Jongho, and the dumbest is Wooyoung," Yunho finally explained.

Wooyoung was laughing at first until he realized and yelled "HEY!" Jongho giggled, looking satisfied.

"Your brain processing is just a bit slow, that's all. No offence," Seohyun muttered.

"I mean, she's not wrong..." Hongjoong made an impressed face.

"Where do I stand?" Mingi asked, "I'm the second smartest right?"

"From below, yes," Seohyun said, making them all laugh. They all insisted that she rank them, and then they'd tell her if she was right about this.

"I don't actually think you're dumb, okay? This is just a joke, don't take it seriously-"

"I know, we all know," Wooyoung assured her, smiling warmly, "carry on."

"...Okay," Seohyun hesitated a bit then started, "Hongjoong is smartest obviously but Jongho is quite smart too? He seems more mature. Then Yeosang or Seonghwa, San somewhere in the middle depending on how awake he is, not sure about Yunho, but Mingi and Wooyoung... well they're pretty close. Because they don't like using their brains..."

"Most of it is accurate," Hongjoong agreed, "Yunho is more lucky than smart."

"Ah.. must be nice to be god's favourite," Seohyun scoffed. "But hey, I like Mingi and Wooyoung. They make you all laugh. That's more important."

Mingi and Wooyoung clapped at that, finally approving.

------------

It was finally after school, when San insisted on accompanying her to her home so she would get there 'safe', that they encountered the old ghost right outside her house.

"Get behind me" San protectively pushed Seohyun behind her.

"I appreciate the gesture, San, but this won't work. Use your brain."

"Oh... Right," San scratched his head and Jiwoo, who had also been with them the entire time, stepped forward.

"We can talk this out like civil human beings and ghosts. Then you can decide if you really want to kill Seohyun."

"NOONA!" San shouted in disbelief but she dismissed him with a wave of her hand.

"Very touching, all this, but I agree, we can have a normal conversation," the old man said.

"How long have you been a ghost exactly?"

"So long that I have forgotten my purpose, girl," the ghost snickered. "I heard from some older ghosts that killing the mediator by our own hands would make us move on."

Seohyun saw San and Jiwoo both tense. "And you thought you'd check?"

The old man nodded. "The mediator before you... Some other ghost killed him. It was some sort of revenge. He was supposed to help me."

"I could help some other way, because killing me doesn't really sound like a solution to me... Like, think about it. It doesn't make sense."

"Are you sure you aren't saying that because you don't want to die yet?" The old man smirked.

"Oh please," Seohyun faked swagger, "If I had an option, I'd kill me too." San shook his head at her.

"Very well. I'll hear you out."

Seohyun explained that she knew an old shaman who helped ghosts with no purpose to move on. It took some convincing and death threats to Seohyun, but she finally made him realize that it might be his one and only option now, and that he should just 'stop being a pain and move the hell on'.

"If it turns out to be a scam, I promise I'll come for you, whether it helps me move on or not."

"Please do," Seohyun replied nonchalantly. The ghost signaled to Jiwoo and they disappeared.

San turned to see that Seohyun was now leaning against the wall, wiping sweat from her forehead as she sighed in relief. "Nice acting."

Seohyun looked at him once before drinking from her water bottle. She had noticed the disapproval in his voice. She stared at him when she was done, and he stared back for a good few seconds before he finally sighed loudly.

"How can you be so... stupid at times like these?"

"How was that stupid? I talked to him and poured sense into him. And it worked. I don't see the problem."

"Does your life mean nothing to you?" San asked.

"San, chill, it was just acting-"

"Those ghosts can touch you!" San was louder this time, making Seohyun flinch a little, "They can hurt you like any other human, hell, they can hurt you in worse ways than that! How can you be so relaxed when gambling with your life?!"

Seohyun watched as San ran a hand through his hair frustratingly, clearly holding himself back. His whole body was tense, his jaw was set and he was not having any of it.

"Are you done?" Seohyun asked, making sure it came out soft. San shook his head.

"I've been seeing ghosts my entire life. My mom took me to all sorts of people for help. You think I don't know how dangerous it is? I learned from the worst. And I'm old enough and experienced enough to know how to handle rogue ghosts like these. Trust me on that."

"I know you are, Seohyun," San admitted, "I just hate it when you talk about your life like it means nothing. Like you'd have no problem if something happened."

"Let's just say I haven't had something I'd like to live for yet," Seohyun said.

San locked eyes with her. "I'll make it change now."

"What?"

"There's so much to life. I know you haven't had the best life, but you have people you can rely on now. And I'll make sure you'll have something to live for."

"What do you live for?" Seohyun asked, curious.

San smiled. "My parents, my grandparents, my friends. And myself."

"Doesn't it... get too much? Living for all of them... must be hard. And boring."

"What's hard and boring is when I had nothing to live for," San said, "When life became repetitive, and I didn't really love anyone, including myself. But now... I have something to look forward to. And no matter if it gets hard, I'll have people to lean on. So ask yourself this, Seohyun. Is it hard living like me or is it hard living like you?"

San knew his words had crossed her, so he locked eyes with her for a second longer before he waved and left for home, leaving Seohyun wondering if she really had wasted all her life repelling people, and if it really had been a wise decision.

prev - next

[etheriadearie]

“Promise”

Why can't you just… Promise ?

Today's goal is an in-depth look at one of the most beautiful and breathtaking episodes of She-ra: "Promise"

Storywise, it's incredibly important to the series, and focuses entirely on Catradora. It's the first time since Adora left Catra behind to seek out the sword that the girls really have an opportunity to talk, and things are not going well. Both of them are royally pissed off at the other, with good reason.

For Adora, we're gonna deflate that proud hair poof of hers a bit, as we'll take an honest look at her as a person at this point in her life. And Catra... she's really guarding her feelings closely, as she's already deeply angry with Adora. But we will use the combination of Catra's younger self in the memories they see, plus looking at other times in the series that relate to this episode, where she was less guarded, in order to understand her as a person at this time. Also: warning: tl;dr, best enjoyed while cozy with a drink..

To get started, we skip to when they end up stuck together…

After Adora takes drastic measures to ward off the security spiders by collapsing the tunnel, the girls are now stuck together, and so… they talk...

We immediately see how incredibly irritated they are with each other as Adora chides Catra for being in the Crystal Castle, since the monsters will continue to attack them as long as she's protecting Catra… only to have Catra retort that she didn't ask for protection. Some snippy bickering back and forth happens, then...

Adora asks: "Does Shadow Weaver know you're here?" Very deadpan assertion from Adora. She knows Catra must be disobeying orders, she just doesn't know why.

"I'd say Shadow Weaver has bigger problems right now". Catra is already starting her move against SW back at the Horde. With SW abusively blocking her every move within the Horde, and now that Catra knows that SW was going to mind wipe Adora, Catra has decided she must deal with her abuser.

Adora puts on her telltale sideways grin, and Catra chafes at Adora's flirtation, saying "I told you it's not because I like you” downplaying Adora’s suggestion that this was the reason she let her go. Catra freely admits here that she does like Adora, but it's not the real reason she did it. Still, Catra doesn't explain further, and we see later that Catra often lets Adora explain away her actions this way... but that Adora constantly misses the deeper truths.

"Where are your new best friends? I thought you did everything together". She's very snarky and dismissive of Adora and her flirting. She's mad about Adora leaving her for her new life.

"The ones you let SW imprison and curse?" Adora is angry at Catra for what she did, which was a sudden escalation of things by Catra.

"Yeah obviously, what other friends would I be talking about?" An obvious dig at Adora for leaving her, everything behind. She deadpans this, staring back plainly. Catra is obviously really angry at Adora... while Adora is legitimately mad at Catra for doing something so nasty to Bow and Glimmer...

::Let's take a moment to talk about Catra's feelings about Adora's new friends: Catra feels horribly betrayed by this. Adora completely tossed her aside, and replaced her with Bow and Glimmer. What comes to mind is at the end of Sea Gate, Catra is thrown in the water and then looks up at Adora, who is celebrating and cuddling with Bow and Glimmer. Catra is emotionally forlorn watching this, as Scorpia comes to drag her off to safety, Adora doesn't even look back towards her.

She's forgotten, Adora showed no love towards her at all in that scene (and then hardly any at Princess Prom, either). Adora ignored her plea for her to return, she didn't reach out to Catra at all. And now she watches her cuddle with her new friends: everything Catra thought she had with Adora meant nothing, and she's been replaced with these feel goodie goods who are fawning all over Adora.

Suffice to say, Catra couldn't do this, she's got way too many issues with emotional intimacy and touch aversion. So she watches Adora, seeing that what she offered her wasn't good enough, knowing because of it she's forgotten. Catra was trying really hard to be a close friend to Adora in spite of her issues, but as we will see, Adora wasn't trying to understand what was going on with Catra. And because of this, Catra was too afraid to express her affection openly, and yet here's Adora... accepting all of Bow and Glimmer’s love, for which Adora really did nothing to earn. Adora took Catra’s friendship for granted while ignoring her deeper needs, as will be explained, then completely abandons her, not even seeming to miss her. Catra is deeply hurt by the unfairness of this.

>Catra stares back at Adora, frustrated when she doesn't even acknowledge their lost friendship.

"Well, we don't need to go together. You do your weird little magic quest thing I'll find my own way out". Catra looks resentfully at the sword on Adora's back as she says this. Catra is laying down boundaries, except it's useless since they are trapped together. But, boundaries are important to Catra and as the episode progresses, Adora shows that she doesn't really understand Catra's.

>As they walk along, both girls' shadows loom equally tall. The symbolism is that in this story, both are equally important... it's also a shockingly beautiful sequence. (pic above)

After entering the room of infinite darkness, Catra tries to separate from Adora but the door is gone, they are stuck together. Weird things start happening. As the Fright Zone appears, both of them are confused. Adora decides to suspect Catra, after all, she attacked her friends. But as Adora grabs Catra, Catra is surprised and confused... Catra doesn't like being touched unexpectedly, Adora knows this but is ignoring that and attacking her. She gets treated as an enemy when she clearly hasn't done anything wrong, and it sets the tone for the two of them: Adora has constantly treated Catra as an enemy since the very moment she defected, not even trying to understand Catra's point of view. And so Catra increasingly emotionally distances herself from Adora. Catra angrily casts Adora's arm aside, not liking being vilified by her, and Adora doesn't understand why Catra is so upset. Catra slips away to explore, needing space from her.

The way Adora immediately suspects and then attacks Catra is symbolic to the whole episode: by defecting to the Rebellion, Adora chose to start treating Catra, and her entire unit, as enemies, backing it up with hostility. But Catra doesn't really agree that the horde is evil... in her experience, it's just how life is.

>The two girls, now separated, call out to each other. Adora hears Catra's call, then another: young Catra is behind her, looking lost and insecure. Catra joins Adora as their first memory has just begun…

~DISCLAIMER TIME~ A lot of information in She-ra is inferred by emotional context, so if this seems a bit head-canon-y, I assure you, I have data! Please ask questions and seek clarifications, I promise to answer back! ~EtheriaDearie

>A worried and hurt young Catra runs to young Adora's side. She is emotional and needs support. Adora checks her out then gets the real deal: Catra was in a fight with an adult. It hints that Catra always had to deal with people messing with her, even before SW began her abuse. This is a guess, but it's probable: this is likely a happy memory of the two of them right before the hurting began. Along with the "promise" memory and the moments immediately preceding their entering the Black Garnet chamber, these scenes set the baseline for what their friendship was like before Catra suffered SW’s abuse. Also, this memory is a happy one, and how Adora remembers their friendship: it was likely triggered by her memories. The next ones are not, as I believe they are triggered by Catra, who is trying to explain to Adora what was so painful about their childhood...

>Catra doesn't know what to expect when she shows Octavia to Adora. She probably expects Adora to try to apologize on her behalf, or to give her a hard time about what she did. Instead, Adora sticks with her friend and yells “Hey Octavia, you're a dumbface." This brings young Catra much joy, Adora is sticking with her, not passing judgement. The two young girls run together hand in hand, experiencing childhood bliss, but it doesn't last. The present versions of themselves return, holding hands...

They share a brief moment of connection before Catra pulls her hand away in anger. Adora is surprised at the strength of Catra’s reaction. They are not on intimate terms any more, in fact, I suspect they had been struggling for a while before Adora's defection. Adora doesn't want the moment to stop, but Catra does. It hints that the gulf between them is already wide.

"How can you deal with all this magic stuff?" Catra has a deep distrust of magic, as it was used in her abuse. She resents it, and throughout the series whenever anything magic happens that she doesn't see coming she gets creeped out.

"I'm only dealing with it because I need to figure out how to heal Glimmer after someone got her cursed." It's a valid criticism, but Catra deflects it.

"What do you want? An apology? You're not getting one." We don't get the full story on this moment until season 5 when a young Catra tells Adora she'll "never say sorry to anybody, ever." Adora doesn't like Catra just refusing to explain, and as Catra pushes her away, Catra is full of reproach at Adora's judgement.

::As an abused child, Catra was continuously vilified and abused by everyone but Adora. And when Adora would suggest she apologize throughout their lives, she can't understand why Catra won't. It comes down to literally everyone in the world judging Catra and being cruel. Not once did any of them apologize to her, even though she didn't do anything to deserve the abuse. Except Adora... but that has issues, too. In fact, SW literally tells her "I won't apologize" regarding her abuse of Catra. Can you imagine the hurt at that?

[pic caption: Catra refuses to apologize, Catra often shows her deeper emotions while blinking, in this case: the incredible pain she experienced from SW’s abuse.]

So no, Catra won't apologize, she had a thing she was trying to do by kidnapping Bow and Glimmer and taking her sword, and it ended badly. But she felt she had a good reason to do it: she wanted to force Adora to see her, to make her acknowledge how big of a part of Adora’s life Catra used to be. And it's not like anyone has been helping Catra, she's had to make every single decision on her own her entire life and live with the consequences.

Also, mistakes for Catra have an entirely different meaning than they do for Adora. Whenever Adora made a mistake, she was given an opportunity to fix it. This is a theme of their relationship: Adora expects Catra to let her fix her mistakes. But for Catra, she learned that any mistake she made was dangerous, as when she did make a mistake, SW would torture her for it. And if other people saw it too, they'd use it to perpetuate the notion that she's some kind of no good fuck up. So Catra is extremely careful to not make mistakes, and if she does, she tries to cover it up, distance herself from it. (note: this isn't the same as Catra's intentional rebellions against this system where she was unfairly targeted for abuse-). This is why Catra simply cannot forgive Adora easily for breaking her promise: in Catra's world, she had to be perfect, or she could have been dead by SW's hand. She wasn't allowed to make mistakes like Adora is, she is what is clinically known as 'hyper vigilant' and always preparing for the worst. And so she applies this standard to be perfect all the time to Adora, and therefore she won't give Adora the same license to make mistakes with their friendship. Catra thinks Adora should know better, and see the consequences of her actions.

>Adora lets it go: when Catra seems to shut down, Adora does her best to try to accept her. Adora tries a different track. She asks Catra why she let her and Glimmer go when SW had them imprisoned, when it could have resulted in Catra getting in trouble. Catra walks ahead, trying to distance herself from having to answer. But the magic of the Crystal Castle intervenes: as Adora slips and begins to fall, Catra saves her. It's a symbolic moment: Catra has always tried to protect Adora, to save her from pain. It's why she changed course to give the sword back to her, partly.

"Did you really think I'd just let SW erase your memory like that?"

"I don't know. Probably." Adora shows such little understanding of their friendship. It shows Adora really is thinking of Catra as an enemy, not as the complicated person stuck between protecting her friend, and the cruel necessities of her life.

Catra looks at Adora with disappointment. "Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me." Adora tries to understand Catra's emotions, fails.

"Huh, can you blame me?" Ouch. Adora smiles at Catra, trying to show love for her roguish quirks. But it just shows how little Adora understands: she is repeating a negative stereotype of Catra that everyone in their old life believes and perpetuates. And Adora should know better, instead of just assuming the worst about her. That persona is one which Catra uses to protect herself, partly from her own emotional feelings, but also as a necessity to protect herself from SW. She had to act like she doesn't care, doesn't try, so SW wouldn't see her power.

"Psh, not really." As Catra turns away, again she deadpans this but you can see pain and disappointment leaking past her indifference.

As she walks away she trails her tail across Adora's hand, flirting and drawing Adora's attention to her butt. It's a cute little moment of telling a truth to counter the lie: 'Adora, you should know me better, and also, I like you.' Still, it's only a half truth: Catra couldn't let SW win because SW is Catra's true enemy. But, Adora takes the flirtatious hint, as always. She accepts it and doesn't dig deeper.

Catra asks Adora about their childhood, trying to understand how Adora could just throw it all away. Adora gives a very direct and impassioned speech, she looks Catra in the eyes, trying to convince her and make her understand why leaving was the right thing to do. Catra hides her emotions, weighing Adora's answer. She doesn't agree with her sentiment, in Catra's experience good and evil are relative and exist as such everywhere. Also, she's right: we meet many people in the Horde who aren't evil. And Adora's finding the sword is one giant sinister manipulation by Light Hope. Moral grayness is a constant theme in this show. Still, this isn't really why Catra chooses to stay with the Horde.

Adora sees her explanation failing to convince Catra, so she tries reminding Catra of their deeper friendship, telling her she misses her too. Catra is temporarily taken aback at being called out before remembering to deny it. She tells Adora to get over herself, and Adora tells her she won't stop until Catra says she likes her. They flirtatiously rough house, and Catra smiles during it: yeah, she does. But she denies it anyways.

::Adora often tries to be respectful of Catra's personal space but is making an exception here: she's telling her that she finds her desirable, and if Catra wanted it, they could be together. Adora can't understand why Catra feels the need to resist this, but she knows doing it helps her friend feel wanted. Still, this shows how casually Adora views their attraction.

Yes, they should be together. And actually, they had an unspoken agreement that they would be. But Catra's not going to open herself up to that just to serve her desire. She wants more from Adora, for Adora to show her that she really does see her, and cares about her. If she did, maybe Catra could open up about some of her pain. Being intimate without doing that would be impossible, and so far Catra's life still isn't safe enough to risk her feelings. Adora's promotion could have meant the beginning of something new between them, where they worked together to build a more secure future together where Catra didn't have to be fearful all the time. But instead, Adora left her.

So begins the second memory. The two girls, now teenagers, compete against each other in sparring. It's clear they are flirting, and neither is fighting all out. When Catra taunts Adora by putting her finger to her forehead, she shows how much better she is at fighting. She full heartedly laughs, Adora enjoys this and then throws a purposefully weak strike to restart the fight. When Adora seemingly turns the tables through brute force, Catra plays hurt to exploit Adora's naiveness. As Adora tries to show concern, Catra turns the tables back. She wants to teach Adora a lesson: that not everyone will play fair, as Catra knows all too well from SW's abuse. But Lonnie interrupts her. Catra doesn't appreciate this and makes quick work of Lonnie, showing just how good she is. Adora attacks, getting the predetermined win. Catra doesn't enjoy the beat down but accepts Adora's help up. She heads to Lonnie as Adora receives compliments from their commander.

As Catra confronts Lonnie, she tells Catra "you were playing dirty, I was just leveling the field". Catra will hear these words again when she leaves Adora behind in frustration near the end of the episode. They are significant: these are stereotypical views forced on Catra, and those views ignore that Catra was just doing something she felt was important: teaching Adora about the harsh realities that exist in the world. Real enemies don't play by the rules, and will be unpredictable.

As Catra’s anger rises at this, Adora puts her hand on Catra's shoulder to calm her down, then compliments Catra on her fighting skills. Catra ever so casually tosses the comforting hand aside. She's saying 'I can handle my emotions without your help, but thanks for asking.' As she tells Adora she let her win, Adora tries to tell if Catra really is ok.

Thus starts one of cutest exchanges between the two of them: as Catra tries to explain why she lets Adora win, Adora puts on her sideways 'you like me' grin while she playfully denies that Catra let her win. Catra gives a very animated and obviously made up explanation about not wanting to have people expect things from her. Adora grins along, and halfway through her lie Catra leans in, staring at Adora's lips before looking up into her eyes. Once again, Catra is undoing a lie by telling a truth: she let her win because she likes (loves) her. But it's only a half truth, once again...

Adora accepts the explanation, keeping her sideways grin: 'it's so cute how you like me'. Catra's explanation done, Adora moves on, wanting to catch up with their unit. Catra lets her do so while excusing herself. As Adora leaves, a huge amount of meaningful information passes across Catra's face…

First, Catra feels bad about having to lie to Adora, and it shows. Then, as Adora leaves to socialize, disappointment and rejection shows: Catra had hoped Adora might look deeper, and try to see the deeper truth. As Adora turns away and leaves we see a look of total love and adoration on Catra's face. She really, really loves Adora. She's the light of her life, a real idiot no doubt but Catra will always love her for exactly who she is.

The girls remain their younger selves as the rest of the memory plays out, Adora staying to accept praise while Catra separates to deal with her internal feelings which Adora always fails to see: the hurt and aloneness she feels.

>A frustrated young Catra cries, expressing her repressed emotions. It would be easiest to assume she cries because she's sad about losing, but we have to look ahead to the next memory to find the real truth.

Catra is sad because she never had a choice. SW took that choice from her, and while Catra is happy to let Adora win because of the love she feels for her, it hurts that she never really got to decide. And Adora doesn't see that, doesn't see the pain Catra is bearing, hiding. And so she cries for that, too. The one person who should love her doesn't really see her. As she looks up in the mirror to see herself, since no one else in her life seems to see her pain, she sees her present tearful self looking back. The pain of the past is real in the present, and while she's older now and won't let herself give in to tears, she feels the pain as she did back then. (pic 1, below) She sees the tears and it snaps her back to her present self, totally unnerved by the simulation as the security detects her and attacks. A fearful Catra screams, wanting help, wanting Adora.

>Adora snaps back to herself, having been participating in the replay of the memory post Catra excusing herself. She tries to run to help Catra, full of worry. She sees a terrified Catra trapped by the spider. As the spider begins to drag her away the two girls lock arms, trying to free Catra. But it's too strong, and as we see their grip start to slip, Catra looks to Adora wanting, pleading for help. As Catra is pulled away, Adora feels helpless, knowing she couldn't help her friend. She thumps her head in frustration that she wasn't there for Catra.

The scene speaks to an obvious truth: Adora has never quite been there enough for Catra. She's always less present, less aware of Catra's reality than she could have been. But since Catra was experiencing a painful memory when this happened, her reaction shows her vulnerable emotional state, and so she called out for help: Catra just wants to feel safe, for Adora to be there to help her. But she wasn't.

>As Catra is dragged away, she feels helpless, and calls out mournfully for Adora. But she's long gone; Catra is alone and scared, as usual. She screams out her frustration, the realization that she’s never gotten the help she needed, she always ends up alone. She cries tears for the suffering and anguish she feels from that. (pic 2, below) It’s a moment that shows us the real inner Catra: She feels deeply, whether it be her desire to be seen, loved by Adora, or the fear she feels in this moment and others. She tries her best to act confident in herself, but it's a lie: she needs support, yet is left behind by everyone, including Adora. She was willing to bear her pain for Adora's love, but she has become increasingly aware of how tenuous that really was growing up.

>Catra digs deep, like she's always done. She will handle this, won't take the abuse lying down. She shifts her mentality to being the survivor, the person who has survived years of abuse. She frees herself and gets to her feet, accessing her foe, determined to defeat it. She attacks, using her anger to deal damaging blows, seeking to destroy her enemy, to make sure she survives. She stands back, confident she's won, proud of herself for it. She doesn't quit, she always perseveres against those who want to destroy her. (pic 3)

Adora shows up, finishing the monster. Catra doesn't drop her mentality, this person who has lived a separate life from Adora and survived on her own, doing the hard things like winning fights and resisting Shadow Weaver's abuse.

Adora walks forward, seeing Catra's anger, determination. She looks blankly, trying not to upset Catra. She's trying to get a read on Catra but not having any luck, so she's being cautious. She asks if Catra is ok, casually pulling webbing off Catra's shoulder, trying to exist in her physical space without upsetting Catra further. "I had it" says Catra, not dropping her fighter stance, mentality at all. Catra is very much feeling the aloneness of her life from everyone, including Adora.

Adora tries to casually put aside Catra's assertion that she had it, she smiles diplomatically. She tries again to touch Catra, to break down her animosity and get her to calm down. It doesn't work. "We need to make sure we stick together from now on." As Adora touches Catra, she tenses, uncomfortable. Catra has strong touch aversion, and Adora knows this but she also knows doing it sometimes helps Catra shift her mentality, so she's trying to get Catra to connect emotionally, to get her to accept care.

"Will you stop telling me what to do?" An exasperated Catra says. We see a look of total dismay cross Adora's face. She's not understanding why Catra has so much animosity in this moment. (pic below)

As Adora looks at Catra, she hunches her body, looking misunderstood and isolated. Adora has consistently failed to see Catra's emotional states and so Catra is feeling more and more apart; that the mentality of the survivor she's feeling now is the right one. Adora didn't really help her at all growing up, and she doesn't see her for who she really is, either. Adora always took the easy explanation, like saying that Catra did things for her because she liked her. Never looking deeper, trying to see her struggle. And so Catra doesn't drop her combative pose, she stays in it because she feels in control, less vulnerable.

As for the words "stop telling me what to do", that's an essay in itself but consider: just now Adora became frustrated when she lost Catra, and now tells her they need to stay together. But they didn't, they never did, and even when they are together Adora is no real help to Catra. So she reacts in anger to Adora trying to direct her. After all, in the next scene we will see that Adora leads Catra into danger, and then doesn't really help her as she gets abused. Adora is no great leader, not according to Catra's experience.

::Adora is having a total loss, here, as she tries to understand Catra, why she's angry at her: It's because she has never really known this 'survivor' side of Catra. Adora wants to comfort her and calm her down, but Catra isn't having it. I think this is when we first see Adora begin to realize that there is something is very wrong with her friend that she has completely failed to see, and she's deeply worried by it. (pic 2)

[pic cation: Adora can't read Catra's emotions, Adora realizes Catra is deeply angry. Outside SW’s chamber, Adora wants to take Catra’s hand.]

Adora loves Catra, but can't seem to get through to her: Catra is holding herself apart from Adora. Again, Catra pushes Adora's hand aside, frustrated. She expresses her exasperation at the situation, saying she's sick of what's going on. Adora follows along, confused. As Catra seemingly purposefully leaves her behind, Adora demands to know what Catra's problem is, saying that she was trying to save her. Catra looks down at her confrontationally, frustrated with Adora's lack of vision. "For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you." Uh oh.

The words "no thanks to you" are especially cutting. Adora has totally failed to see the struggles Catra had all her life, she didn't understand the hurt and abuse Catra was fighting against. And so Catra did it all on her own, protecting herself and trying to remain strong. Her love of Adora might have helped her have hope, but fundamentally Catra overcame the abuse by not giving up on herself, believing she had worth, and not letting others tear her down.

Adora runs to Catra's side, taking her arm in one hand. Feeling her friend becoming increasingly distant from her, Adora tries authentically telling Catra her feelings, hoping to make her friend see her desire to help and understand her. Adora explains that she's sorry for leaving and that she did it because she couldn't stand the war the Horde has pursued. Her next words are telling: "but I never wanted to leave you". 'Want' is an important word in this series, and it comes up again in season 5 when Catra asks Adora "what do you want, Adora?”. By choosing to leave the Horde, Catra feels that Adora wanted that more than she wanted what they had together. Also, promises are not something you're supposed to break over a 'want'. And Adora so casually breaking their promises makes Catra think she doesn't matter to Adora. It's not the truth, but this belief still determines her reaction in this moment. Even though Adora dearly loves Catra, including at this point in the story, she hasn't shown it in a way that Catra can see as meaningful. As Adora finishes saying this, Catra looks back, feeling alone and unwanted, seemingly thinking 'but you did leave me, Adora.'

Adora tries to appeal to Catra to join the rebellion with her. Then she says "I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde." Catra must be thinking 'Ok so at what point did you become the authority on whether someone is good or bad, Adora?' Adora has shown no interest in understanding Catra's position, she treated her as an enemy without fail since she left her, literally in every single case including at Princess Prom when Catra was trying so hard to romance her. And Catra doesn't accept Adora's naive black and white view of the world. Think about it: when Adora defects she begins treating all Horde with hostility, including her dearest friend, she judges them all and doesn’t even try to see them as the complicated people that they are. So when she suggests Catra doesn't belong with the Horde, Catra looks back at her, feeling totally isolated from Adora. Even though Adora's plea is earnest, Catra declines it.

>As the next memory begins, we see Adora now has both hands on Catra's arm, she's desperately trying to hold on to her bond with Catra and show her desire to fix things between them. Catra doesn't drop her wary demeanor at all, and Adora looks lost and anxious over this as a young Catra runs by.

The memory starts out full of childhood innocence as the two of them play together. When the girls see that the Black Garnet chamber is open, young Adora remarks "we're definitely not allowed in there." Young Catra looks at Adora, seemingly asking if she wants to go in, trusting her. Young Adora runs off, and Catra follows her in. Yes, Catra participates in the decision, but she's not the one who runs towards the chamber, and that's important to what happens next.

A worried (adult) Adora looks to her friend who seems so distant, stoic. Anxiously, Adora tells Catra "You don't have to go in there." Adora knows what happens next is very bad, that this is a hurtful memory for Catra. As an unwavering Catra begins to walk towards the chamber, Adora looks down at Catra's hand. [pic above] She wants desperately to reach out and take it, to hold Catra back from this terrible moment, to tell her she's sorry for messing up. Adora knows now that she screwed up, that she's let Catra down, somehow more than she ever realized. She doesn't know what to do about it… she follows Catra inside.

The young girls explore, Catra touches the black garnet and gets shocked. Adora has second thoughts, she realizes they're trespassing.. but of course, SW returns, so they try to hide. As SW takes off the mask, Adora cries out, taken aback... young Catra looks at her in dismay. She's about to pay for Adora's mistake with a lifetime of suffering. Offended, SW tells them to "Get out!" but rethinks. She puts the mask back on, and decides to use this moment to instead abuse the girls and use the crime of their trespass against them. As SW tells Catra to stay, Adora turns around, seeing that Catra is caught, and she's scared for her friend. She really did make a poor decision, and as a highly empathetic person, what happens to Catra scars Adora, too.

Held powerless by magic, Catra tries to explain that they were just playing. SW's words to her set the stage for a lifetime of physical and psychological abuse: SW leans over her menacingly, telling her "Insolent child, I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you, but I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well." Again, it's not Catra who decided to go in, so it's really not her fault. SW disparages her and heaps blame upon her for Adora's bad choice, ignoring the truth.

Adora weakly tries to protect Catra, saying "SW, it wasn't her fault. It was my idea too." It's an understandable response, as they're just little kids. Still, Adora could have taken the blame for their trespass, since she led Catra inside. But it's about to get a lot more hurtful for Catra...

SW's voice echoes through Catra's head as she trembles in terror: "You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me. I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. Do you understand ?" Catra trembles in fear, her eyes unfocused, the room empty but for SW menacing her. She's in a dissociative state, terrified and helpless. I think some people probably feel like this must have been a idle threat, but it isn't: SW abuses Catra many times after this for her mistakes. And the depiction of the dissociative state helps us understand just how damaging it was. While Adora seemingly goes on to not realize the importance of this memory, for Catra it is formative to her entire life.

Again, Adora tries weakly to stop what's happening, putting herself between them. She tells SW "please, stop" then looks over at Catra, full of concern. Running over to SW, she tells her "she didn't mean to". This is so hurtful, as young Catra is very smart. Catra knows Adora has blown it again, after all, what is it that she "didn't mean to" do when it was Adora's idea to trespass? Adora isn't getting the magnitude of the situation, and Catra is very much left to fend for herself.

SW then does a very insidious thing to Adora, a very directed abuse that's meant to work against her personality and empathetic reactions to others pain. She tells her "Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. Do not let something like this happen again..." SW follows this up with years of manipulation to make Adora even more susceptible to abuse. But in this moment, SW again heaps the blame for Adora's mistake onto Catra, who did nothing wrong. For Catra, she comes to believe that what she did doesn't even matter, nobody cares what the truth was. Even Adora. But for Adora, the hurt goes deep as well. She made a bad decision, her friend gets hurt for it, and she never comes clean... instead, she's told she has to do a better job of controlling her friend, and that she has to be perfect so that it doesn't happen again. It's a deep and hurtful moment for Adora, just like it is for Catra. But the hurt is much less direct, and more sneaky. Nonetheless, Adora struggles with this moment, this abuse of her, in the most intimate and painful ways all throughout the series.

Young Catra watches on as SW completes her manipulation of Adora. For Catra, she's left with the feeling that nothing she does matters, she was blamed for something she didn't even do. And Adora seemingly took the easy out, spreading the blame. But she doesn't realize this moment is so insidious for Adora, that it attacks and manipulates her at her emotional need to help others. From this moment on, Adora is afflicted with a desperate fear that she can't protect others, and must lead perfectly so they don't get hurt. This internal conflict erodes Adora's self worth, and causes her great emotional pain throughout the series. Catra, instead, believes she is being told she has no worth, and isn't even allowed to make her own decisions. It's hurtful, and it's part of why she tensed so badly at Adora for trying to tell her what to do earlier. We see this realization cross young Catra's face: she feels forgotten in this moment.

We see the young girls walking away from SW's chamber, Adora with her hand around Catra's shoulder. This comfort is not enough... Catra really needed Adora to stand up for her there, to come clean, and she didn't. Trying to comfort her now seems hollow. As they flash to their present selves, Catra knocks Adora's arm aside in frustration, accusing her of needing to play the hero.

Adora responds, saying she was only trying to protect her. Catra's next words tell the real truth of their childhood: "You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on SW's bad side!" Adora at first chafes at this statement, feeling like she did try to protect her, then crosses over to confusion at the strength of Catra's assertion. Catra is telling Adora she was blind to her pain. She wasn't there for her, and this is very much at the core of Catra's disappointment with Adora: the fact that she never stayed, never tried to understand. Adora let SW control her, make her ambitious, and so Catra was put to the side of that, and over time Adora grew apart from her. Catra’s exact words here are important: she says that Adora ‘plays’ at being the hero, yet always seemingly protected her status as the favorite, never standing up to SW and risking harm onto herself in order to save Catra from pain.

And so, the fact that out of seemingly out of nowhere, Adora decides to risk everything and defect in order to fight for people she doesn't even know, insults Catra. Adora abandons and consequently fights against her own people, leaving Catra behind, unilaterally treating her as an enemy. Never, in their whole lives, did Adora ever fight for Catra, only offering affection afterwards to make up for the cruelties that happened to Catra. So no, Catra doesn't want Adora to save her, or her sympathy, when she seemingly cared so little about her pain. Adora was no hero to her.

Now an obvious question might be: if the manipulation is that Adora is supposed to protect and control Catra, then shouldn't she have had to see SW abuse Catra for it to work? The first part of the answer is that it was never really about that, once the idea was put in Adora’s head, SW used it to manipulate her further into a mentality where Adora would accept praise, promotion on her path to becoming a force captain.

The other is that when someone is being hurt like Catra was in that moment... if the one person in the world who is supposed to get it doesn't get it... then it becomes very hard to ever bring it up to them again. It's a specific type of hurt and abandonment: for Catra, she goes on to believe that this is her burden, that somehow she alone is supposed to learn these hard lessons. And so she doesn't tell Adora about the abuse. Also, keep in mind that they are small children, and Catra doesn't want Adora to hurt like she does... so she's actually protecting her, in her mind. But the fact that time goes by and Adora never seemed to care, to stop and see Catra's pain, was very hurtful to her. And Catra’s feelings of betrayal at Adora’s not seeing the hurt are justified: in episode 1, we see Adora watch SW menace Catra, then happily run off to accept her promotion, only remembering to check on Catra as an afterthought. Catra needed Adora's support, and never really got it.

[pic caption: (left to right) Adora’s apparent willful ignorance of the abuse.]

So Catra believes she learns these hard lessons so Adora won't have to, but is left alone in her pain. This also means that SW specifically abused Catra at times and in places so Adora wouldn't be aware, which again, tells us it was never really about making Adora responsible for Catra's decisions. No, the reasons were much darker, and Catra bore it all alone.

The girls flash to their younger selves, and Catra accuses Adora: "Admit it, you love being her favorite." Catra is telling Adora that she was disappointed and hurt that Adora kept accepting praise and privilege from SW, after that moment when she so clearly should have seen how SW abused her, and the maliciousness of the death threat. In Catra’s mind, Adora could have rejected SW. As painful as it is for a small child to be without any parents, it would have been the right thing to do, for Catra. SW was no good to Catra, and they could have shared the pain of being orphans who only had each other, but instead Catra ended up bearing all of the abuse while Adora was given privilege.

Adora denies this assertion, and yet she did accept the privilege SW offered her. Catra's next words show how ignorant Adora was to the realities of their lives as they flash back to their present selves: "Oh yeah? When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then ?" Catra bore all the abuse and punishment for Adora's leaving, and Adora wasn't there to see it. Catra did this bravely for Adora, in fact, up until before Princesse Prom, Catra did everything she could to cover for Adora, just like she asked, protecting her, hoping she'd come back to her. But Adora shows no understanding at all for what Catra went through, she didn't even think about what must have been happening to her. Adora has never taken the time to think about how her actions affect Catra's life.

Adora counters, suggesting that Catra could leave the Horde, and therefore get away from SW's abuse. Catra just glares back at her, disappointed. Catra knows running from the abuse won't solve anything.

::What this comes down to is a totally different understanding of the world. For Adora, she thinks she became a hero for leaving the Horde, and becoming She-ra. She doesn't realize she was lucky to fall into the situation she did, with Bow and Glimmer helping her gain acceptance and protecting her. She's totally unaware that the reality that her becoming She-ra is a manipulation born out of evil intent. For Catra, she's always known that the world is harsh, and that bad people exist who will try to destroy you. She's not afraid to fight, she's had no choice learning these harsh truths. It's a jaded view that negatively affects her perceptions of people, but it prepares her for the worst, and so she relies on it. So when Adora suggests she run from it, she rejects her as naive. They flash back to their younger selves after Adora suggests Catra can leave like she did, and Catra accusingly points out that she doesn't need to follow Adora around. That they're children is relevant to the previous memory where Adora led Catra into danger, and then didn't protect her. Catra isn't interested in following Adora blindly after she's put her in danger so badly in the past.

Flashing back present selves, Catra tells Adora she doesn't want to leave. As she says this her face conveys her anger at the world, her drive to face SW instead of flee. She says "I'm not afraid of SW anymore, and I'm a better force captain than you ever would have been." Let's take this in parts: Catra won't run from her abuser, she's already planning to take her down. Doing so is important to Catra, as it fixes her world in an important way. And that Adora can't see this just shows how far apart they are now. In Catra's mind, Adora was supposed to stay, and as they rose to power together, they would have supplanted SW, fixing Catra's world. The two of them would have been stronger in the end. But Adora did leave, so Catra impatiently tries to get Adora to see that she won't just run away. If Adora doesn't want to help Catra overcome this evil, then she'll do it on her own.

Her disappointment in Adora for abandoning this fight is apparent, what comes to mind is when Catra calls Adora weak in the Sea Gate episode. And now Catra knows she's got the power to do this, she's a force captain, and if she can just find a reason to depose SW she knows she has the station and fighting ability to take her down. She always knew she could lead, but was happy to let Adora have success because she really didn't want that responsibility. So she points out her superiority, not to show that she's better than Adora, but to tell Adora she was blind to Catra's worth, and to be hurtful to Adora for abandoning her.

They flash back to their child selves: Adora looks at Catra, hurt and confused "You always said you didn't care about things like that." Adora is feeling hurt by the idea that she was unknowingly taking advantage of Catra, because Catra has seemily just told her she was lying.

Now, this next part is important, and it's important that we are seeing Catra's reaction as her child self: Catra looks sad and lonely as Adora finishes her question, and she's crying. Something adult Catra would never let herself do. So we're seeing a much more authentic expression of Catra's hurt and emotions than if it were her present self. What you need to understand here is that those emotions don't really match her words... Catra tells her "Well I was lying, obviously!" But her face says she's angry and hurt at Adora for not seeing her pain.

As she delivers those words her face is full of accusation and insult, she's being dramatic, something we will see Catra do time and time again. She stares down Adora, eyes scrunched up, showing Adora how betrayed she felt by her insensitivity. Then we get sadness, disappointment. Finally, we get a lonely kind of furious sorrow: all that time feeling alone and Adora didn't bother to understand is written on her face.

The tears are still flowing, but as she turns away they shift back to their present selves. Adult Catra looks totally alone, heartbroken.

Ok but how we REALLY know Catra isn't telling the truth is this: almost word for word, this moment exists in episode 1. ANY time you see that happen in this show, you need to look back to find the meaning of it.

>We will need to look in totality of this scene in episode 1: An excited Catra pounces on Adora, asking her what SW said. She sees the badge and takes it. Here's a funny thing, because we see Catra jump on Adora you might think Catra is always like this, she just comes into Adora's space as she pleases. But once Catra has the badge, we see no anger or jealousy. Just total wonder. She shows nothing but exuberation and happiness for Adora's promotion (pic 1, lower left fyi).

Catra knew this could be the turning point she's been waiting for, that Adora was due for promotion. And so she's jumping all over Adora, full of joy. We only see her attitude change once Adora tells her SW isn't letting her go on missions. And so, we can infer a lot of information from this...

Catra expected this moment to change their lives for the better. That Adora's rising in rank means freedom, the beginning of something new. Some many new things, in Catra's case. But Catra definitively shows us in this scene that she doesn't desire the success for herself. She only shows happiness for Adora, for them together, and she's ecstatic. (pic 1, fyi)

This, in Catra's mind, probably means the start of their romantic lives. If Adora is the force captain that brings them to victory, SW won't be able to just trample all over their lives. Catra can begin letting down some walls, maybe even let Adora pursue her romantically. If they're together, and Adora is on her side because of that, she becomes safe from her abuser. It's a much better outcome than trying to fight SW, but that's not how the story goes. No, Adora leaves her instead. How's that for emotional whiplash? All of these truths are laid bare in s3ep5, when we see Catra's perfect reality, when she and Adora are together romantically. Catra only wants to be safe and to be loved, but when Adora leaves her she loses trust in the goodness of Adora, and in people in general.

> Adora tells Catra she shouldn't be surprised she's been cut of of the mission because she's so rude to SW, to which Catra responds by calling Adora a people pleaser, then storming off in anger...

::Note, as this is important: Adora is taking SW’s side, and not Catra’s, which is entirely opposite of their early childhood memory of Octavia. It shows how Adora had started listening to the negative judgements others placed on Catra...

>Adora goes after Catra, finding her sulking on the roof. Catra is angry, betrayed by the world, at the injustice that SW is in her life. Adora asks "I didn't even think you wanted to be a force captain?" Catra tossed the badge at her, saying she doesn't. Then she folds her body up, holding herself. Adora sees this, but doesn't touch her. She's being careful to respect Catra's boundaries. But the anger Catra feels here isn't about being denied the chance to be a force captain, it's at all the hurt that SW has dealt her and continues to do so. And Adora doesn't see that, which disappoints Catra. But, she's unable to verbalize it herself, she is too insecure in her emotional vulnerability, so she lets it slide.

What we have here is two different instances of the same question with two different answers, but in both cases Catra is telling the truth. In episode 1, it's the truth that she doesn't care about being a force captain because of her love for Adora, and the promise, in her mind, that they will eventually be together. In episode 11, Catra then says she lied, and this now is also true: Catra did think about what she was going through, all the pain and sacrifices she made for Adora, which were done in the name of love. But Adora doesn't love her the way that Catra loves Adora, instead leaving her behind. And so now that Adora didn't ever see how excellent a person Catra actually was, how dedicated to her she is, and the pain she was willing to bear for her sake, it does matter. Because that's shitty of her, and so now Catra will survive on her own by her own excellence, her strength that Adora never stopped to see. So Catra is guilting Adora, trying to make her see how blind and unfeeling she is.

>Back to ep11: Catra tries to walk away from Adora, who desperately chases her, trying to understand why Catra is becoming so distant, wanting her to tell her what's wrong. She reaches out for Catra's shoulder in one last attempt to get Catra to talk, she knows touching Catra could maybe get her to be more open. But the truth is Adora has been far too easy on Catra, she needs to be more forceful if she wants Catra to talk, which she later comes to understand... she's been coddling Catra, and so Catra is allowed to wallow in her unhealthy mental states.

Catra takes Adora's hand, forcefully holding it away from her and delivering a hurtful line: "Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the fright zone? I didn't WANT you to come back, Adora!" This hits Adora like a load of bricks, her dismay is evident. And it's all true, which is the sad part. Catra was already preparing to cut ties with Adora, as even by that point she had come to a realization, a decision: if Adora doesn't want to be with her, then she'll do it herself. She will do the hard things on her own.

She turns away from Adora, looking hurt and betrayed. And Adora is at a complete loss, she doesn't know this side of Catra, this part of her that has survived hardship all these years... she lets her leave, not knowing what to do.

Adora is then attacked by the security, which takes up her time. As that happens, we see memories only shown to Catra. Catra runs, emotionally overwhelmed as all the unfair judgements, the abuse, and hollow apologies ring out around her. All the years of frustration and sadness weigh on her, she tries to keep it together, lashing out at the holograms. She falls to her knees, fighting back emotion and trying not to cry, her inner, vulnerable self is near the surface, and she's trying not to break down in tears over all of the hurt she's had to bear...

… and then she hears soft crying...

She turns to see her younger, tiny self, crying. Then, a tiny Adora joins the tiny Catra. Unlike the other memories, Catra never flashes into her younger self, she just watches...

The tiny Adora pulls the blanket down, Catra hisses at her... Adora sits down next to her tenderly. And we finally get the promise, the two parts that Adora has so tragically broke...

Adora tells her "It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you... nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other." The tiny Catra looks at Adora, wanting to trust her, to believe in her. As she says the question, present Catra echos it: "You promise ?" This was a sacred moment that gave Catra hope as a young orphan, that maybe she would be ok.

And so, the present Catra echoes it. Adora tells her she promises, as the skeptical present Catra looks on. Tiny Catra is still sad, insecure... she hugs Adora, needing this. Adora suggests they go back out to play... and we see tiny Catra look at her, still afraid, reluctant, wanting to stay. But she decides to trust Adora, and so they walk out, holding hands. Then something unique happens. Tiny Catra stops to look up at her present self: note, this is entirely a unique moment in the simulation, it never happened in reality... and yet Catra is given this moment...

The innocent child stares up Catra, making her see her. It's a look full of meaning, it doesn't carry any specific emotion... only innocence. Catra is having an inner child moment. That most deep and innocent part of her, her vulnerable self who feels love, is communicating with her. It's asking her to see it's vulnerability, and it's pain. Catra sees this, all of the pain Adora has caused her, the breaking of the promise, the promise that this innocent part of her was holding on to desperately with hope. She is forced to acknowledge Adora's disloyalty to her, her carelessness. Catra is reflecting on how she did her absolute best to keep that promise, even after Adora failed to look out for her in SW's chamber. Catra was so loyal and so good to Adora all of their lives; she made sure Adora had a good life, and she played by SW's rules so Adora could be the chosen one, wanting to protect her. All in the hope that they would be together, and that their love was real. But Adora couldn't even do that much, she left her. And Adora doesn't understand her, she doesn't even seem to miss her.

[pic 9: Broken Promises, Catra’s inner child, The Hero goes Her Own Way].

Present Catra watches her tiny self leave, coming to the tough realization: that she's never been able to trust Adora, not really. Her love isn't reciprocated, not by her standards.

…. which makes Adora a deeply unsafe person to Catra...

Catra survived SW's abuse, learning to believe in herself, protect herself because no one else would. All while keeping this hope of love in her heart, this vulnerable core of herself that has tenderness and loves Adora, and needs love back. But, her need for love goes to such a deep vulnerability that giving in to it and then again being rejected or forgotten by Adora would simply destroy her. SW held the threat of death over Catra’s head her entire life, and Catra resisted it, got through it by being tough and trusting in herself. So now she sees she can't trust Adora: everything that happened since she left her behind, the fact that Adora always treats her as an enemy, that she seems to show no lingering desire for her, and doesn't even seem to miss her while replacing her with new friends, seems to confirm her worst fears. Fears that have been building over the years, starting when Adora broke their promise in SW's chamber, and then as Adora pursued her success while accepting praise and privilege from SW, ignoring the abuse Catra bore because of it. She decides she can't trust Adora. Love is a lie, a weakness. A weakness that could destroy her last bit of individuality, and belief in the world.

And so, Catra, The Survivor, makes the decision... in her mind it's the brave one, just like way back when and she decided to bravely stand up to SW's abuse and not let it destroy her: she will stand up to the threat that is the weakness of her love for Adora. Adora is selfish, she doesn't deserve Catra's love. She was stupid to believe that love was even possible, for someone like her… who has always been ignored, and told she is unworthy of praise or even existence. There's only one thing left for her to do: she will be alone, strong on her own, for herself.

Her gaze hardens... that part of her that has made sure she survived SW's abuse, and made sure she won fights when she was threatened, is now the decider. It will protect her from her vulnerability, and reject Adora for her. I suppose you might be confused as to what I'm referring, or maybe not... If you haven't had to fight for your life, whether physically, mentally, or otherwise, you might not know this side of yourself well. But we all have it, it's The Survivor. And while I knew mine would protect me, I didn't accept it as my real self, I didn't accept its necessary but vicious deeds as my own. This is very much how Catra is, and as the series goes on she puts this survivor in charge of more and more decisions, we watch her deteriorate as this part of her gets out of control, protecting her from darkness with more darkness. All the while her vulnerable inner self suffers, watching the horrible deeds and becoming more and more alone, desperate for affection.

>Adora is outnumbered, eventually ending up hanging from the cliff's edge by spider webs. She hears Catra return, dealing with the spiders. Adora looks up, hopeful because Catra has returned...

Catra saunters in. Let me say a few things before we go through this part: Catra is about to say a lot of things that aren't really true. They are instead meant to be hurtful to Adora, Catra is being intentionally mean. We shouldn't take her exact words as her authentic beliefs, because they're not... no, Catra is doing what she believes she has to so she can be apart for Adora, and be safe from her. The truth is, Catra needs to be away from Adora. She's too scared of the vulnerability that is her love for Adora, because Adora hasn't shown her that she cares. And she can't do that by defecting, no, she must stay with the Horde. It's the only thing she feels there is left for her to do.

Now, let's go through this: and heads up: I'm getting at something very powerful that's going on here that you may not have realized. This speech is, in fact, a heroic moment. A heroic moment... for Catra. Not Adora, for Catra. And you just need to open your ears to hear it...

"Hey Adora."

🎶 is sad

"Catra! Help me, please!"

"This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you... then again, you're special... that's what Shadow Weaver always said..."

🎶 is melancholy

"Catra, what are you doing??"

"Ah, ya know, it all makes sense now... you've always been the one holding me back... you wanted me to think I needed you, you wanted me to feel weak."

🎶 has even tone

"Every hero needs a sidekick, right?"

"Catra that's not how it was.."

🎶 rises, falls, sad (“Promise” begins playing)

*Catra chuckles* "The sad thing is I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde... when really you leaving was the best thing that EVER happened to me..."

🎶 lowers, is dark, is dramatic. -Note: we see Catra seemingly become deranged as she says this line. This is Catra deceiving herself out of perceived necessity.

"I am so much stronger than anyone... ever... thought." *she cuts part of the web*

🎶 begins to rise, uplifting

"I wonder what I could have been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner." *she cuts the rest of the web, Adora falls, catching herself*

🎶 rises, is dramatic

"I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best. Please, don't do this."

🎶 is still rising, uplifting

*Catra stands proudly, nobly, looking at the sword. She looks down at Adora, then she casually tosses the sword past her...

🎶 is rising, hopeful, heroic.

"Bye Adora, I really am going to miss you..."

🎶 is heroic, violins now playing, adding depth

*Catra turns and walks away from Adora, proudly*

🎶 has risen to its height, crests, is heroic.

"Catra... Catra, no!!"

🎶 remains high, cresting, heroic

*Adora cries, sad, confused by Catra's leaving her...*

🎶 crests again, fades out...

Ok, so... let's talk about what just happened here. The undeniable conclusion is that this was meant to be a heroic moment, and a damn heroic moment... for Catra. The writers are telling us that Catra leaving is an important part of her hero’s journey, and that it was the right thing to do. You might be wondering, how can that be? The short answer is, Catra is on a hero’s journey unlike all the other hero’s journeys normally portrayed in fiction. All of it, even her darkest deeds, all her cruelty towards Adora, will be part of a very... important... and powerful... journey. One which will forge her into a hero in this series, in her own incredible right... how this is, what she is, is yet to be revealed... but make no mistake, she's a hero. Just not the one you expect…

We see Adora open her eyes, and see Light Hope. She tells Adora to let go. She means of her emotional attachments, as we find out. Adora cries for her lost Catra, that she couldn't bring her back to her. She lets go...

BIG ASSERTION TIME: Now, I know it's a common theory that these memories were all just an elaborate manipulation by Light Hope to divide the girls from each other, but I don't agree with that. No, I believe this was a memory journey guided by Catra, subconsciously, to help her tell Adora why she couldn't come with her, why she has to be apart.

Take for instance the memories and visions that Adora sees when she's on her way to the Heart of Etheria in season 5: this system exists apart from Light Hope, who dies at the end for season 4. This simulation comes from somewhere more primal: in my belief, it is the deep magic of Etheria being visualized through the First One's tech. We see the simulation show Catra the promise memory, something Adora isn't shown at all, and then allows her to see her inner child's hurt. Something deeper is going on here, and you should consider how strongly the magic of Etheria is resonating with Catra when it does. Because the magic of Etheria will again speak directly to Catra, this isn't the last time... In short, the magic helps the two of them to understand each other, because Catra is an important part of Adora's true She-ra journey.

I also believe that a theme of this series is that abusers, like L. Hope, are not perfect vindictive manipulators. They are flawed, and L. Hope in particular, I believe, is no genius: she fails time and time again. That L. Hope uses the moment to get Adora to let go is her using the moment to her advantage, she didn't play ultimate control over it. She just piggy backed on Catra's hurt to do it. So that last memory really was for Catra... Furthermore, I simply cannot believe L.Hope would understand the concept of the inner child… as she can't even understand sarcasm.

But now, because of this, Adora now knows of Catra's pain... and this is the beginning of Adora's long journey back to Catra, of her repairing their bond…

Let's address the obvious counterpoint: Adora now knows that Catra is hurt, but she doesn't yet understand why. And it's not really her fault, as Catra doesn't know how to talk about her feelings, among other things. But it's apparent that Adora doesn't remember these crucial memories as well as Catra does, even though they were critical in her development as well. Adora is a mess of emotions, just like Catra, and (if) she has ADHD, it might be one reason why she doesn't really get Catra. Especially if her parental figure has been manipulating it against her. Adora very much vibrates between stimuli anxiously, so SW might have made her forgetful by distraction over time. Also, the way in which Adora treats Catra as an enemy when she doesn't accept Adora’s (totally rushed, afterthought, and hollow) ultimatum that she defect with her, is a reflection of Adora's ingrained Horde war training… this is something she has to unlearn, as it is wrong. But Adora is a good person, she really, truely, is, because Adora never stops trying to make it better. And so, she slowly, but surely, comes to understand Catra’s trauma.

We get one last scene of Catra returning to the fright zone. We get to see Catra's truth here: She walks, as if she's not even there, she's deadened by the sorrow and the inevitability of what her life will now be: one of hard work, and zero joy. She will try her best to stand on her own, and put Adora out of her heart, slamming its doors shut against love. It doesn't work, but that's what she's trying to do, nonetheless. This is the beginning of a profound depression that builds over the next 3 seasons, and combined with new traumas, nearly takes her life.

But the tech Catra has brought back will end up giving her what she needs to face down and depose SW, just like she needed...

::Here is another complicated twist that's so essential to She-ra as a series: Catra, in fact, protects Adora by taking down SW. Catra may go on to command the Hordes forces so effectively that it pushes the Princess alliance harder than it's ever been pushed before, but her deposing SW is extremely important in the story. She both removes SW’s ability to attack Adora, and then denies her any sorcerous power by taking the Black Garnet from her, since SW needs an external source to draw power from in order to use her vampiric powers...

Ok so more theory time: it's a common belief that Catra stays with the Horde, and goes on to try to conquer the world out of some deep need to externally validate herself, and to prove she was the better child by beating Adora. I don't think any of these explanations are true. Catra may go on to play such a character on a surface level, but every time she professes to have any such ambitions, she is either in the presence of Adora, or under incredible stress. In the one case, she's saying those things to try to hurt Adora, and make her see how naive and foolish Adora always was, especially now that Adora thinks she can fight against her.

In the other case, it's actually her survivor mechanism trying to take over, to make her world safe. In every case where Catra says something about ambition, somewhere in that scene, Catra shows the distinct emotions of her true inner self: generally, these emotions are sorrow, fear, and loneliness. They don't exist on screen long, they are what is known as micro expressions. (See below for a short discussion of Catra’s micro expressions.)

To put it simply, the only reason Catra stays with the Horde is so she has somewhere she can be separate from her feelings and heartbreak over Adora, and then she climbs the ranks in order to find safety, first from SW, and then Hordak, once he threatens her life with his temper tantrums. That she fights against Adora is just a collateral consequence, she isn't out to get Adora, but nor does she care if Adora gets hurt, because she’s hurt her. Catra does fight against the princesses, though (including She-ra).

A core feature of Catra's character is indeed one of personal power. She's a person who is told to hurry up and die at an early age, but refused to do so. So her arc, her issue, isn't a cautionary tale about chasing validation, it's about her overcoming her fear of vulnerability and allowing herself to rely on others in a way that lets her be safe without needing to combat the darkness with more darkness. But vulnerability scares her because of the abuse she experienced.

As for validation, the only person she would want that from is Adora. This is because Catra believes in herself already: that she has a sacred right to exist, no matter what SW and others may tell her (note: Adora struggles with this, she's actually the one who seeks validation). But, she also needs love, and she is too fearful that Adora doesn't really love her and is afraid of being hurt by that. It's also why I think she's so chaotic towards Adora: her inner child tells her adult self to protect her from her love for Adora, which it tries to do, but that same child misses and needs Adora in so many ways. So she's trying to be mean to compensate for the incredible desire she feels towards Adora. I love it when Adora calls her a brat in season 5, it's such a well deserved line, mmhhmmm.

Actual discussions of how these particulars play out in the show are better left for another time, but there you have it.

Promise sidebar discussions: Catra’s micro expressions; Catra nearly dies at the Battle of Bright Moon

“White Out” microexpression discussion: [see pics below] This is the first time since the Battle of Bright Moon that Catra and Adora meet. So it's a good time to talk about Catra’s micro expressions. Picture 1: Adora says “Hey, Catra” out of the blue and Catra is completely blindsided, she figured she wouldn't be bothered out in the middle of nowhere. She's anxious and unhappy to be seeing Adora. Along with her suspicious absence the episode before in “Roll With It”, the answer is obvious: Catra has been avoiding Adora. She may have cut ties with her in “Promise”, nearly bested her at the Battle of BM, but she doesn't want to see her. She doesn't know what she feels about her.

Picture 2: Enraged monsters are decimating the base, and a battle breaks out over the corrupted disc. Catra is desperately trying to protect it, because she can control Adora if she has it... and she needs this chance to have her back. As Catra reaches to pick it up, she's facing away from everyone and so no one can see her desperation and sadness from missing Adora. (pic 2) Shortly after, we also see her clutch the disc desperately to her chest in a way that's very endearing, right before the monster attacks her and makes her drop it. Then, as she's about to die in its jaws because she doesn't want to give Adora up again, Scorpia breaks the disc and saves her life. We see in this episode as Catra completely loses track of her emotions, and now realizes she has to come to terms with the fact that she's so desperately sad from missing Adora, she was willing to die just for a chance to have her back.

Pic 3: Catra hates working for the Horde. She HATES it. She gets zero joy from the job, and she’s already figured out that Hordak will kill her if she screws up too badly. She didn't want this job, plain and simple, but now feels stuck with it. None of this is the life she wanted. Combining this knowledge against Catra’s declaration to Adora at the end of Promise, we know she's not happy that she had to go her own way...

Catra’s near death experience at the Battle of Bright Moon

At the Battle of Bright Moon, Catra leads Adora (She-ra) away. They battle, but then Catra retreats and instead starts listing out every single worst fear of failure she thinks Adora has. It's a dark moment, she's acting much like SW did to them as children, and we watch her manipulation take root in Adora. Finally, her words are too much, and as Catra looks down at Adora's (She-ra's) back, we see Adora become deranged, overcome with her fear of failing everyone... (pic1, above) she picks up a boulder and throws it directly at Catra. Catra is knocked flying, and only by the barest of margins does she keep from falling to her death. Adora nearly kills Catra. And so, as Adora drags Catra up from the cliff and slams her into the wall, we see a totally heartbroken and emotionally crushed Catra. In this moment, Catra believes all of her worst fears are confirmed: Adora only cares about being She-ra, so much so that Adora would kill her in the name of being that hero. Catra uses this moment, this belief, to justify her division from Adora. Sadly, she's wrong... she's ignoring the seriousness of the threat that the battle poses, and as Adora was facing away from her during that moment, she doesn't see the terror and desperation Adora experiences due to her cruel words…

Oh, and one more thing before we go: when Catra says “What, did you really think this was about you ?” SPOILER ALERT: It was. Because She-ra is one big Catradora story… and we love it.

As always, thanks for reading. <3

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

[wh6res]

taeil — part of the my bloody valentine collection.

prompt. soulmates are connected by a red string.

synopsis. taeil thinks the whole system is bullshit. he needs to take matters into his own hands.

warnings. tread cautiously. swearing, mentions of death, blood, mentions of kidnapping, violence, turning a 'lil dubcon near the end, severe stockholm syndrome, manipulation 

disclaimer. a friendly reminder that i do not, under any circumstance, condone or support any acts like this. this is not love and this is not how a normal relationship should be like. the things i write are all fiction and should be treated as such and if you don’t like it, please do not read it and waste your time hating on it. the 9 members of nct 127 do not act like this in real life and shouldn’t act like this in real life. 

thank you to. sexeh sam @yukwonghei, cutie charlie @dundun-baby, and baby rina @greenish-taro for beta-reading!

since he was a kid, he’s fantasized about meeting his soulmate. creating scenario after scenario of how he’d meet ‘the one’ as he had cheesily addressed and had absolutely freaked when he finally saw the red string tied around his right wrist on his 20th birthday—courtesy of the soulmate rules of the universe, where one will finally be able to see the string tied around their body once they’ve come of age. 

for years before he met that other soul who’s destined to be with him, taeil would stare at the red thread lying across the floor, disappearing under the gap of his door and out to the world unknown. he’d be so distracted, so aloof and in his own world as he anticipates the long-awaited day until his professor calls him out—“moon! do yourself a favor and stop daydreaming!”

until his friends snap him out of it—“thinking of them again? really?”

until his parents shake him out of his thoughts—“don’t worry, i bet they’ll love you!”

sometimes he just loved staring at the string, it was something so measly as a bunch of threads intricately woven together yet it held such a symbol in today’s world. call him lovesick or stupid but was it really wrong to feel excited? taeil’s even betting the person on the other side of this string is just as excited as he was, if not more. 

in the man’s eyes, the strings are a symbol of something more than love—it symbolized the person the universe has created especially for him and no one else. 

taeil can’t even imagine a world without these strings. how difficult it would be, to love and invest in someone who will only end up breaking your heart? no, the strings also meant reassurance. 

assurance that he won’t get hurt. 

an assurance of faithfulness. 

he had only been a wide-eyed fresh grad looking for some place to intern when it happened. like a scene right out of a cheesy romance movie—he felt the persistent tugs of the string before finally meeting his soulmate. well, using the word meet to describe the whole ordeal is a huge stretch because it was more of a holy shit, is that my soulmate? rather than a hi, i'm your soulmate, taeil!

he merely saw the back of her poised figure but taeil’s heart felt like it wanted to explode, his emotions a mess and feeling everything to the extremes. nervous. scared. anxiety. happiness. excitement—it was all coming at him like bullets. 

as taeil stared at her back, walking away, johnny kept shoving him forward, encouraging him to finally approach the person he’s been waiting for ever since that soulmate string appeared around his pinky. 

but he couldn’t—not because he was so anxious he’d accidentally vomit the 4-cheese whopper he had for lunch but due to the line of people trailing behind his soulmate like a bunch of baby ducks to their mom. the thought of coming up to his soulmate and introducing himself in front of all those people?

romantic, maybe, but taeil doesn’t have the stomach to do that. 

he remembers how much johnny had wolf whistled, unbelieving of the fact his friend managed to snag the possible heir to the company they’re attending an interview in as his soulmate. 

“lucky little asshole,” johnny muttered. 

taeil had been experiencing the post-effects of seeing his soulmate that he just weakly punched johnny’s arm for the heck of it. he probably didn’t even hear the name his younger friend had called him. taeil’s mind is clouding over, no thoughts in his head but the white polo shirt she wore, sleeves neatly rolled up, and the black pencil skirt hugging her legs and making her ass look so plump. 

focus. he needs to focus on the interview right now or else he won’t even have the chance to work here and officially meet her. everything the interviewer asked passed through his head like paper planes in a classroom, shamelessly asking the woman sitting before him to repeat the question, too busy reveling about how their soulmate story would be the cliché office-love. not that taeil minds, he’d love going to work together—

two weeks later, johnny receives an email of acceptance. taeil doesn’t.

the man nearly threw his laptop away out of sheer disbelief and anger. okay, sure, maybe he could’ve done better in the interview but he graduated with latin honors in college! and from a prestigious college at that. he shouldn’t even be applying as a mere intern with the skill set he had yet he went with it because he’d always dreamed of working there. 

and now knowing his soulmate is possibly someone who holds a high position in the company? everything just kept getting better and better for moon taeil. 

except for that fucking email—pft, or lack thereof. how can they not accept him when he’s more capable than johnny, anyway? for fuck’s sake! taeil doesn’t even ask that guy for rent and he’s so thick-skinned that he stayed up to this day and freeloaded off taeil’s food and shelter. 

the absolute unfairness of the situation makes taeil’s blood reach a fever point. he’s completely lossed it, leading him to spit “get the fuck out!” to the other male occupant in the apartment with eyes glaring and lips pulled into a nasty sneer. 

johnny’s never seen taeil this upset before and decided that he’d be better off abiding by the older man’s wishes instead of contradicting it. 

no. no. no. this can’t be happening. if taeil doesn’t work there, with her, all his sweet fantasies won’t come true and god forbid she ends up falling for another person in the company. 

anyone would be naturally drawn to taeil’s soulmate. in his eyes, she’s a goddess in the flesh. taeil doesn’t even need to see her face, from the few seconds he saw a glimpse of her, her presence and allure in itself is already eye-catching. the way her low ponytail swished from side to side as she walked, her back straight and head held high. 

taeil needs to see her again. maybe if she finds out he’s her soulmate she’ll put a good word in and he’ll get hired. 

yeah. yeah, that’s a good plan. 

“please get out of my office or i’ll call security.”

or not.

“no, wait. but i just said i’m your soulmate!” to further prove his point, he even raises up his pinky and sure enough the other end of the string is tied around hers. the incessant pull is there and if not for her sharp cold eyes anchoring him to the ground, taeil would’ve long been soaring high in cloud nine. 

“and i said i don’t care,” she snaps just as her fingers sneakily pressed a button in her phone. “i have a fiancé. the whole soulmate bullshit doesn’t apply to rich people. so for the fucking last time, get out of my office.”

“but—”

the double doors of the vice president’s office bounces off the walls when two burly guards barge in. dressed in a white long sleeves and those heavy tinted shades of glasses that taeil hates. the two men waste no time in hooking their arms underneath the smaller, frail man as he thrashes against their arms. 

“how can you not care about your soulmate?!” taeil can feel the beginning licks of the flames eating up his whole world as everything comes crashing down before his very eyes. “i’ve been—i’ve been waiting my whole life for you and this is how you treat me?!” 

he doesn’t know what hurts more, the scratch in his throat as he screamed with all his might or the stoic look written on her face as the guards haul him away. 

when johnny heard the news he’d never felt so sorry for his friend. rumors that initially circulated only between the executive board members had spread and trickled down to the common folk on the lower levels. johnny making it a mission to find out, had extracted himself from his usual cheery and extroverted self to blend in with the background. taeil has yet to talk to him after he got kicked out, so asking his friend—or ex-friend?—about what happened is out of the question. 

but like any other breed of rumor, the tale of their vice president’s soulmate barging in her office is ever changing through each mouth that tells the story. johnny doesn't know what to believe in. he’s been trying to put off a meeting with the older man ever since he started crashing in taeyong’s apartment instead. not that taeil himself even tried reaching out to johnny, anyway. 

so why should he, when he doesn’t even know what he did wrong?

but there’s a nagging voice at the back of johnny’s head. his conscience isn’t too loud but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s there and it doesn’t need excessive volumes to be heard. all it takes is a second of distraction from the paperwork he does, attention straying from the task at hand, and his body will automatically be wracked with guilt. 

knowing how much taeil had waited for his soulmate to come to his life, knowing how taeil can readily give everything up for his soulmate without even meeting them yet… and now knowing taeil just got the worst ever rejection in his entire life?

johnny can’t possibly imagine the pain he’s going through. is he really going to choose now out of all times to be petty because taeil kicked him out when he didn’t even bother asking johnny for anything in return during his stay in the apartment?

so when taeil finally contacted him, the sketchyness of what he had asked for flew right over johnny’s head. rational thoughts flying out the window because taeil needs him, he should his friend after everything taeil did for him—

“hey, uhm… i need insider’s information, can you do that for me?”

you shook your head at the long story johnny told you. tuffs of your hair have escaped the intricate pigtails taeil has put your hair up in earlier before he left for work. he’s always hated having your hair messy, but at the moment you couldn’t find yourself to care. 

“i wouldn’t put it past taeil’s original soulmate…” you think aloud, mouth speaking before you can stop yourself as you stare disdainfully at the dulled string wrapped around your pinky—it lost its divine red glow after your captor had cut it off on the same day he whisked you away.

ironic, how easy it was to destroy something so important.

you backtracked, realizing the gravity of what you said before looking up at your captor’s friend. johnny doesn’t look all too impressed and he sighs at the pleading look in your eyes. please, don’t tell him.

“i guess you’re somewhat right…” he gives in, coursing his fingers through his hair. “taeil had been… very passionate on finding his soulmate. but i mean, come on, why’d you even marry someone who isn’t your soulmate? i don’t blame taeil for doing what he did to them.”

johnny ignores the way your breath hitches and your body halts all movement. “what—what did he do?”

“paid them a ‘lil visit after gathering enough resources from someone on the inside,” his face stoic, voice monotone. johnny doesn’t like talking about this one. “he studied their schedules, where they live, where they work, how they get to work, what time they sleep, what time they wake. then just one day…” 

he drags a finger across his neck.

“oh.” 

pathetically, it was all you can say. why did you even bother to ask, anyway? if taeil had been willing to exert force just to keep you in line, then he has the stomach for whatever gruesome deaths he subjected his soulmate and her fiancé to.

you nibble on your lip as you stare at the knot of thread lying on the floor. you don’t see the need to wear the collar wrapped around your neck when that knot is good enough a reminder that you’re now bound to taeil. that he’s fucked around with your destiny and decided he’ll have you out of all people. 

its hard to believe taeil once almost worshipped the soulmate bonds, not when all he’s ever done is look at it like it's the bane of his existence and calling it a curse to humanity.

“do you know that you’re—”

“that i’m the 5th? yeah, i know. i saw all the knots on his string.” you defeatedly say, a vivid image of the knots spaced across his string like tophies. “taeil doesn’t like me staring at them, though.”

and you yourself didn’t like staring at them. you never thought something so small and insignificant can mean something so sinister. the knots on his string acting like a body counter. will he get sick of you one day and you’ll just be another knot on his string?

“you’re nothing like his soulmate—i’m not insulting you or anything, i’m just saying the truth. the past girls all had at least something in common with her but you… nothing. not even your hair shines like hers, and that’s even after taeil has taken good care of you.”

this doesn’t soothe you in any sense and before you can open your mouth to retort, the familiar beeping of the code getting punched into the keypad cuts you off. 

taeil stood in the entrance as he shrugged off his coat, his polo crinkled at some areas and pieces of his hair had escaped that slicked back hairstyle. 

“you’re home early…”

your blood runs cold when he doesn’t even offer you a glance, skipping you out and immediately addressing johnny. “i thought i told you to go home already after delivering the food.”

you admire the way johnny’s eyes roll. must be nice not to be so fucking terrified of the man. “yeah, but your current sweetheart here was lonely and practically begged me to stay.”

the sting of betrayal never grows familiar. 

“i never said anything—”

“you did, have you forgotten already?” you hate the show of lust clouding in johnny’s eyes as he stares you down. this can’t be happening right now. “have you forgotten how you even came unto me? whined like a bitch about how taeil doesn’t even fuck you hard enough and you had to fake orgasms all the time?”

“that’s not true!” your frustration manifests as tears. they sting your eyes as you look at taeil. “i never said anything—”

but you pale when you realize they’re not even listening to you, the two guys fist bumping in the foyer and exchanging a few words like “thanks for telling me,” and “no problem, bro,” were heard before taeil is heatedly storming up to you. 

you feel numb as you look over taeil’s shoulder at the little smirk johnny shoots at you. have fun, he mouths mockingly and then he’s out the door, extracting himself from the mess he created. 

when taeil wordlessly drags you across the hallway, you thought he’ll make a right turn and into the bedroom but imagine your surprise when he pulls you instead towards the bathroom. he wastes no time throwing you against the cold hard tiles as he tells you only one thing. 

“strip.”

“taeil…”

“you don’t want to be replaced.” it doesn’t take a genius to know taeil had hit the nail on the head. all your movements come to a halt, looking up at him with an unreadable look in your face. “that’s your fear, isn’t it? that if you die, if i kill you, i can just look for another girl and you’d be forgotten at the snap of a finger. i’m right, aren’t i?”

you gulp, his words stinging even if he didn’t mean for it to sting. or maybe he did. taeil takes a step closer to you, studying your appearance as he brings a hand up to caress your tear-stained face. 

spots in your clothes are wet due to the splashes of water on the tiles, and the clips in your hair that once looked neat and perfect are now hanging in disarray, falling off in some places. 

“i’m sorry,” you sob. “i’m sorry, john—johnny’s lying. you—you have to—to believe me. please don’t replace me… i’ll be good, i promise…”

truly, there’s no better motivator than fear. and there’s no better way to mess with someone’s head than using their weakness against them. 

“you say you’ll be good but i tell you to strip and you couldn’t even do that?” 

taeil could never imagine replacing you. he finds it stupid, whatever that brought in this fear of yours, but it doesn’t mean he won’t be extracting every little bit he can get out of this.

he can only stare in awe when you start wiggling your way out of your pretty pink clothes, eyes drinking every bit of your skin slowly being exposed to him as he reaches behind you to open the running water, slowly filling the bathtub.

“get in,” he instructs and you waste no time. 

as he sheds his own clothes, he can practically feel the want radiating off you. he knew johnny’s lying, but he humored his friend still. there’s no way you can fake the noises you always make. plus, taeil has seen one too many times the cum dribbling out of your cunt after he’s fucked you into oblivion. he scoffs. harder? then he’ll be breaking you in half already. 

taeil swats your hand away as it reaches for his cock and he hopes you don’t notice it twitching before you when you let out a cute whine. 

“you want it?”

you nod urgently, salavitating at the thought. taeil was more of a giver to his partners, it’s rare for him to take his pleasure first but you’re far from complaining. 

“oh, i don’t know…” he pouts, fisting himself in front of you before giving it a few testing pumps. he swallows the hiss threatening to spill from his lips, chuckling instead at the intense look in your eyes as it follows his hand movements. 

you were by far the most compliant girl he’s ever had, someone who’d rather stay than escape. his methods of forcing someone into submission worked extremely well with you. so really, how can he let go of his glorified little pet?

“you’re not lying to me, aren’t you? i got hurt, you know, with what johnny said… i guess i was doing something wrong.”

“no!” your reply is immediate. “no, that’s not true—”

hands wrap around your throat like a vice. “how about you prove it to me, love? tell me everything i want to hear.”

now, this is easy. you’ve practically memorized everything you need to tell him to boost his ego. it doesn’t even take much of an effort. 

“i love your cock so much that my body hurts. it hits all the right places inside of me and i will never even dream of wanting another man because they won’t be able to fuck me like you do.”

you feel giddy when he smiles that satisfied smile, your toes curling in anticipation as he leans in to give his obedient darling a kiss—

until he shoves your face down the water. 

it doesn’t take much effort to wrestle your limbs down and insert himself into you, groaning at the feeling of your lush and moist walls sucking him in. you’re always so damn wet when he fucks you, oh how much he loves it. loves how tighter your cunt wraps around him as you squirm and fight him to get to the surface of the half-filled tub.

it was only after a few deep thrusts did he relent and pull you up, the few hair clips in your hair floating in the water around as you gasp greedy amounts of air. one look at taeil’s face pulled in ecstasy is enough for you to know it was well worth it.

maybe being rejected by his soulmate was a blessing in disguise. maybe the disobedience of every girl he took before you had been deliberately well-planned. or else he’d never would’ve met you. 

taeil was right. all the soulmate and soulmark shit is utterly useless and stupid. because you are by no means his soulmate, but fuck he’ll never let you go.

not when your destiny is to lay there underneath him, taking whatever it is that he gave you like a good little whore. 

[iheartbookbran]

I think the whole Daenerys burning KL thing has a lot less to do with her than it does several other plot threads and themes in the story. Unfortunately I think GRRM is going to use Daenerys to confront the concept of paying for your ancestors crimes, her father put that wildfire there, her legacy (as a Targaryen, not as Daenerys herself) is literally built on fire and blood. The Targaryens might have united the 7 Kingdoms, but they did so with a lot of unnecessary bloodshed, and there was almost never a time in their history of reigning where there wasn't war. Daenerys as an individual is not responsible for any of this, and I wholeheartedly agree with you that she doesn't need to be taught a lesson about abuse of power, but unfortunately I think GRRM is going in this direction anyways, because he's going to use her as a climax for the entire Targaryen reign. It's a cruel sort of irony, that the place her ancestors built from the ground up will be the cause of her "downfall" and probably turn her into a morally ambiguous historical figure in the future, regardless of what she does to save Westeros from the others.

And there's the fact that the wildfire beneath KL is a huge chekov's gun. Someone *has* to ignite it, and if it's not Daenerys, I'm not entirely sure who it could be. Cersei is definitely a contender, but seeing as she doesn't know about the wildfire yet, it's a little bit of a reach. I think it would be a very tragic way to wrap up Daenery's storyline, but it seems like that's the direction GRRM is headed in :/

Hey there! Ok, a little disclaimer before I start: today I got my first covid vaccine shot and I’m a little dizzy as a result so I might not make much sense right now. Sorry in advance.

While I completely get the whole ‘paying for the crimes of your ancestors’ concept you’re bringing up, and that’s a theme GRRM is definitely fond of exploring, to me it would be like holding Dany at completely different standards than the rest of the characters. Because it’s one thing for Dany to be in conflict with her father’s legacy—which tbh I would say she already kinda is?—and another entirely to punish Dany for every bad thing the Targaryens ever did because Monarchies=Bad and therefore Targaryens=Bad. I mean we wouldn’t be getting anything similar from the other major POVs. For example, I don’t believe a house like that of the Starks could rule for literally thousands of years without a little blood in their hands, it’s just GRRM doesn’t focus as much on them (and they didn’t have dragons, but I already explained why I believe Dany doesn’t need a lesson on how her dragons can be dangerous in the first place).

I think when it comes to fathers and legacies characters like Dany, Tyrion and Jon are very similar because a part of their stories is about showcasing how they’re not like their fathers. Tyrion has to confront his father… and kill him so he can move on with his life, which in turn kickstarts the downfall of House Lannister, but that was something Tyrion was alive to see, and to question and to know that it wasn’t as glorious as his family wanted to believe it was, but instead shallow and rotten; Dany on the other hand never got to see her family in full power and reap the benefits of that; in fact, she was actively a target for most of her childhood because of her name. With Jon I think he will be confronted with the legacies of his biological Father (Rhaegar) and his adopted one (Ned), and try and decide which one he wants to honor, or that maybe he ought to forge his own path entirely.

Now with Dany, again she’s already starting to question Viserys’ narrative about their father, we see it in her conversations with Ser Barristan and her fears of ‘turning mad’ like Aerys (and tbh that’s all the reasons I need to know why she wouldn’t go mad) for me not to believe she’s going to try to distance herself from what her father represented. The destruction of KL and the knowledge of her father’s role in it would just solidify that in Dany’s head plus the internal emotional conflict that would come with it but without the extra steps of the author needlessly lecturing Dany (and us) about the dangers of unchecked power or that a throne is not all there is in life; I would argue Dany already knows that. She doesn’t need a reason or an excuse to be a rescuer, she already is one, as Tyrion (GRRM) said for several paragraphs in ADWD.

The part that you mention about the destruction of KL giving Dany bad PR? I believe she already has it lmao. Just remember how she was talked about during Quentyn and Tyrion’s POVs, while a lot of people love her, many others hate her guts to a hilarious degree and demonize her for what she’s done to the poor defenseless slave masters. Such are the woes of women who rise to power and then go like “hey… maybe owning people is wrong?” but I digress. As you said, there are currently many contenders for the honor of getting to burn KL, and who knows, maybe it will be a group effort! I suspect the dragons will be involved one way or another, but the stolen ones (idk if Euron will steal more than one dragon) so adding Dany to the mix wouldn’t make much sense except to make way for her showdown with Aegon VI, that at this point honestly I’m not that interested in. I think Dany has more important stuff going on for her. Like, there’s a lot of confrontations I would like to happen that I believe the narrative as it currently stands doesn’t have much room to allow to breathe properly, like Jaime/Tyrion, Cercei/Tyrion, Arianne/her family in general. At the end of the day those dragons are her dragons, her children, and she will blame herself strongly for whatever they do (and others will too, enthusiastically, I’m sure), just remember how much guilt she feels over Drogon killing that little girl, and no one was controlling him then, not even Dany.

So basically what I was trying to convey during this mess of a response is that I’m not saying Daenerys has no buisness in the KL conflict, but rather that making her the one responsible for its destruction would feel way too contrived for me, it would require the plot to stay on hold for god knows how long until she’s done with her business in Essos and it would do absolutely nothing for her character or development but rather serve as some kind of twisted double-standard in which only Dany has to atone for the sins of her ancestors, as if living exiled and destitude all her life wasn’t enough.

[celiaelise]

Did anyone else's k-12 education make a suspiciously rigid delineation between polytheism and monotheism? Like, every time they taught us about a religion, they made sure to frame it from that lens. I specifically remember having to sort religions into two little columns.

(*disclaimer for whatever I say next: I was always very bad at history classes, so I could definitely be misquoting or misunderstanding things. Also I know it's bad form to group together "Abrahamic" religions, but I was being taught a Christian-centric curriculum, and that's how it was presented to us.)

At some point I remember in history being taught about a predecessor to Christianity/Abrahamic faiths, and they were like, "this was ALMOST the first version of these religions as we know them today, except that it was VERY DIFFERENT because it had TWO gods." And then they told us about the two gods, and it was literally just "benevolent God" and the Devil. And I was like, how is that any different?

Like, if I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt, I might assume that they just found the polytheistic/monotheistic distinction to be the most straightforward way to present this information to children, but I think it's much more likely that there are colonialist interests at play here. I think it definitely serves those interests to present "polytheistic" religions as "other".

Maybe it's just cause I'm Catholic and used to saints, who already get us accused of practicing polytheism by other Christian denominations, but it just doesn't seem like that big of a difference to me!! There are even lots of passages in the Bible that refer to other communities' gods as if they do exist, and are lesser than the Christian God. And I only ever remember scripture about "one true God" saying not to worship any other god, but not that they didn't exist. Plus there's the whole Holy Trinity thing. Like, "yes there're three of us but we are Definitely just ONE deity."

I also remember reading the Odyssey, and being struck by the way the pantheon was often referred to as a singular "god". (Similar to how one might shorten "mankind" to "man".) And I was like, "this sounds exactly like the way God is referred to in the Bible; who's to say parts of the Bible aren't ever referring to multiple entities?" This could've just been a thing with the grammar of the specific translation I was reading, and of course I've never read any of the Bible in its original languages, but I still think it's interesting to consider.

I'm probably missing a lot of cultural and historical context and putting my foot in my mouth or something; I've never actually studied any of these topics in a serious academic way. But I find religion very beautiful and fascinating, and I think it's a little silly to focus on a single difference between faiths and practices, instead of the much more interesting similarities.

Also I just really wish we got taught more context for what religion actually was hundreds and thousands of years ago, because from what I understand it often played a completely different role in societies than it does today. For example, I remember reading that religious leaders were often also the source for things like the performing arts, including dance and comedy. And all our guys (Christians) do nowadays is stand up there and talk a lot while everyone tries not to fall asleep.

[chasingpj]

・❥ birthday celebration ❥・

hi hi ! to celebrate my birthday today and to make up for my 300th follower's celebration (370 now), i decided to do one of these. thank you so much everyone. my works and i receive so much love on this blog and it means to world ! you guys are so special to me, you have no idea <33

this celebration will be from Aug 25th to Aug 27th.

in my askbox, you can...

💌 request a pjo a ship! (please specify your gender preference, tell me all about you: your hobbies, interests, what cabin or hogwarts house you're in, etc. the more details, the better i can make the headcanons for you)

🎬 ask for a directors cut (ask me about anything I've posted! what inspired me? i can elaborate on a headcanon. give sneak peeks and answer questions about young god)

🍄get to know me more! (feel free to ask me anything)

🖤 ask for a rec (i'll give you my recommendations for books, movies, shows, etc)

💋confess & ask for advice (send me a confession or just talk about your day! i would love to get to know you more. i'm probably older than most of you so i'll be your big sister today. ask me anything.)

✒️ ask for a blurb: (send me one of the prompts provided or an idea and i'll make short headcanons or write a 200-word blurb)

don't know what to request? here are 21 prompts you can use.

disclaimer & reminder: i will cross out the quotes that have already been requested so just check back before sending it in. I will add more if i get lots of requests. i write for percy, leo, connor, travis, benny weir and i'll make an exception and write for jason, today haha

“Are you tired? Here, I’ll carry you.”

“I’ve waited so long to do that.”

“Don’t do that. You always do that when you’re sad. I hate seeing you sad.”

“What this city is... nothing like our hometown. Do you fit in here?”

“I’m gonna make you go first.” “Of course you are.”

“I’ve never used this before.” “It’ll be fine, just don’t- don’t do that.”

“What’re you gonna name it?”

“I can’t believe you cleaned my room!”

“Why did I think this was a good idea?”

“You want to tell scary stories?”

“Just because you have magic doesn’t mean you have to do everything with it.”

“Why are you bleeding?!”

“Hang on. Where’s the baby?”

“I think your cat/dog hates me.”

“I don’t get paid enough for this shit.”

“I feel like I’ve stepped back in time.”

“Please tell me that we’re not stuck out in here in your piece of shit car.”

“Your parents will take one look at me and know it’s fake. I’m so far out of your league.”

“You could have gotten yourself killed!” “But… I didn’t?”

“I’m your biggest fan!”

“Oh my gosh, are you sure? Like, sure sure?”

"Do you trust me?"

"Isn't this, like, illegal?"

[eleanorbloom]

Sienna convinces Aurora to go on a date with a dreamy pediatrician. Aurora is not sure about it but she can't think of a good reason not to go. She asks MC to help her pick an outfit. One thing leads to another and MC realizes that she has feelings for Aurora. I'm not sure if you are okay with that idea

Until I Met You

Disclaimer: The characters of this story, except Rosalía, belong to Pixelberry.

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Aurora Emery x f! MC (Rosalía Muñoz)

Warnings: Slight angst and some cussing words Rated: T

Word Count: 5.1k

Prompts: @choicesficwriterscreations​ Silly Love Stories Day 1: Friends to Lovers.

Author’s Note: Hello! I'd been wanting to write an Aurora fic for months, but I never really made the time for it, until now. Thank you anon for this amazing idea!! I enjoyed so much writing it and I must confess I squealed more times than I thought I would. Now I love Aurora even more!

I have another fic in the making, but it'll probably see the light in a few weeks, however I'll definitely keep writing about this precious softie 🥺❤️

If you have any more ideas to write about Aurora please let me know!

I hope you enjoy this and happy February for those who love this month 😊

Taglist: @romereadingshop @mercury84choices @starrystarrytrouble @curiousconch @penda-bear @queenelianar @openheartfanfics

__________________

No one could stop talking about him since day one. He was dreamy: kind, smart, attractive, incredibly sweet, and as if none of the above were enough, he was doing his residency in pediatrics. Almost every person that felt attracted to him would swoon every time they had to interact with him.

The gang used to tease Bryce that James Woods was his most strong contender in Edenbrook Hospital. The surgical resident would snort right away and say it was impossible that the personification of Prince Charming could compare to him when he was the whole damn Disney package with a triple dose of hotness.

Rosalía didn’t give a damn about him, honestly. It wasn’t her type, and that was surprising considering she had had a little crush (and a fling) on Rafael in the past. She was one of the few that wouldn’t sigh every time she had a glimpse of him. Aurora was among that selected group.

That's why it was extremely strange when Rosalía found her talking to James at the cafeteria one morning. It didn't look like it was a work-related thing, a consultation or anything, it was more personal, as Aurora couldn't stop smiling at whatever James was saying.

Something itched inside her, but she couldn't quite tell what it was. Maybe it was her protective instinct because she didn't want to see her get hurt? Or it was just jealousy because she was making new friends? Both options were completely irrational and overreacting, so she tried to shake the feeling off by buying the damn coffee and keeping with her morning as usual.

Later that week, Rosalia approached the boot at Donahue's where her friends had gathered after work and found Sienna and Aurora in an apparent little discussion.

“But why not?” Sienna asked in her usual cheery convincing tone.

“I don’t know, Si, it’s just I’m not sure if something good can come out of this.”

“What if it does? You'll never know if you don't try!"

“It’s just… I haven’t gone on a date for… years," Aurora confessed, looking down at her jar of beer. "After most of the people only wanted to date me for my Aunt, and people outside Med School simply didn’t click with me, I just stopped.”

“This is your chance! You don’t think he’s inviting you for you Aunt, right?”

“No, I don’t think so, he had never mentioned her.”

“What are you girls up to?” Rosalia asked, after witnessing the exchange in silence, knowing perfectly well what was that about.

“Rosie! Please, I need some back up here.”

“What’s the deal?”

“Woods from Pediatrics invited Aurora out,” Sienna said, leaning towards Rosie in an almost confidential tone. More like a gossipy one.

“Woods… James Woods?”

“Yeah, she invited her to try this new Chinese restaurant in Bay Village.”

That strange and uncomfortable itch resurged again. But why? It was just a date. A friend going on a date.

"How did this happen? I didn't know you were close to him,” she lied, feigning she hadn't seen Aurora a few days ago in the cafeteria with him.

“We are. I mean, not close close,” she rectified, with an almost unnoticeable shake in her voice. “We just chat sometimes, usually at the cafeteria, and every time we bump into each other at the hospital he just… talks to me, so today when he saw me he made this invitation.”

"Aurora, he totally likes you! Come on, say yes!" Sienna squealed, hitting the table repeatedly with her hand in excitement.  

“When is it?”

“This Friday. "

“You should totally go, Aurora, " Rosalía said finally, but the words tasted like metal, "he seems fine, I mean, everyone is always talking wonders about him, you should feel pretty lucky he has his eyes on you. ”

“Well, I guess so,” she mumbled timidly, her cheeks profusely blushing at the implication.

"Come on, text him before you have second thoughts!" Sienna ordered, sliding Aurora's phone in front of her.

The resident in front of her simply chuckled and took her phone to type her response.

The following days were inexplicably difficult for Rosalía, between remembering the date and hearing Sienna talking about it, asking if James had done more advancement. And Rosalia couldn’t understand why it bothered her so much.

That Friday evening, Rosalía was having some rest after a strenuous shift, when a knock on the door startled.

“Rosie? Are you awake?”

"Yeah," she responded as she got up from the bed to open the door, and found Aurora on the other side with a blue dress on and a fuchsia blouse in her hand.

“I can’t decide what to wear, would you… help me, please?”

She felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach.

“Sure.”

Rosalía followed her to her bedroom down the hall, and once there, Aurora modeled the blue dress she had on, "I like this, but it's not too comfy, and I feel like it's too formal for a date."

"I agree, it's cute but totally not for Chinese dinner," Rosalía conceded, sitting on the bed, where there were a couple more clothes scattered over the mattress.

Then Aurora approached the bed and took the dress off without worrying she was sitting a few inches from her. It was actually no big deal, they probably had seen each other in underwear at least a hundred times since they started their residency, but her eyes couldn't help but glance at her, at the beautiful white laced underwear she had on, at the curves on her hips and her toned thighs. It was for a brief second, but it was enough. Just that single second made her mouth dry. She wasn't seeing her friend in that white lace underwear, she was seeing…

“How’s this?”

Rosalía looked up at her and observed her new outfit, a pair of white pants and an elegant but chic fuchsia blouse.

She was left speechless for five fine seconds.

“I think it’s too flashy, don’t you think?” she asked, with a bit of self-consciousness in her posture and gestures.

“You look beautiful, Aurora, ” she breathed, completely intoxicated with the view. She didn’t even realize what she said. The words simply went out of her mouth.

“You think so?” Aurora questioned, looking at the mirror and then giving a twirl to see how she looked from behind.

A part of her wanted to say that actually no, she didn’t look that good, because that part of her didn’t want that James Wood could see her this beautiful. But the other part wanted to tell the truth and not be selfish. She deserved to know how astonishing she looked.

Not completely aware of what she was doing, Rosalía got up from the bed and sauntered towards her and stood mere inches behind her, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She was so stunning, she had to fight with all her might to not rest her chin over Aurora's shoulder and wrap her arms around her waist. The only thing she had on her mind was the desire to feel the silkiness of her hair in her cheek, smell the floral notes of her perfume mixed with the warmth of her body, and just feel her body against hers, as simple as it sounded.

Curious about her sudden silence, Aurora turned to her to reiterate her question, but a pair of amber eyes stopped her in her tracks, as they instantly started diving deeply into her chocolate ones, without receding.

For a brief second, Aurora's gaze wandered down, right where it was her mouth, and where her lips parted as a reflex. Rosalía gulped, unable to move, to make a single move. Something inside her was pushing her towards the taller woman, but the confusion for not knowing what was happening was stronger. She stood still in place.

“This is it," Rosalía whispered, her eyes roaming her lips for a millisecond. She had to say something before she could do something she'd regret later. "It’s not flashy, it’s… perfect. It matches amazingly with your skin and your eyes look shinier."

“Thank you," Aurora murmured, not parting her eyes from Rosalia’s, until finally the latter stepped back, feeling her legs wobbling at the feeling of Aurora standing so close to her.

“What time do you meet?” Rosalía asked after clearing her throat.

“He’ll come in twenty, I’ll do my makeup now. ”

“Great.”

“Thanks again, Rosie.”

“Anytime. Good luck tonight.”

Aurora smiled at her before she came back to her room, her chest pounding fast, her mind numb, her hands shaking. What was that? What was she feeling? She couldn't understand it because she’d never felt this for… for a girl before. But how? How could this happen?

She tried to have a logical explanation to what was feeling, that maybe she was experimenting with an aspect of friendship that she had never lived before,  or maybe she was just confusing this with another feeling that was not love.

But the more she tried to pull from the truth, the clearer it became.

This wasn't new, it's just now that she was able to put a name on it. Since the beginning, she'd felt some kind of attraction for her. When Aurora was harsh and ignored her, something pushed her towards her to try to get to know her, to be liked by her. She thought it was just a trait of her personality because she hated that someone didn't like her, at least not without motives, but now Rosalía was realizing it was more than that.

She was always trying to impress her, however she could, because she was brilliant. Every time she had the chance, she wanted to spend time with her, no matter what that could involve, whether it was walking four blocks to have a coffee or lunch, or just getting up earlier than usual so she could go to work in Aurora's car. The excuse she always gave to herself was that it was always good to start the day early, but actually, she just wanted to have alone time with her, just see her first thing in the morning without people around, without the busy routine.

Then that’s what it was? Love? Or was it just infatuation? Maybe nothing of the sort. Maybe she was just confused.

Rosalía couldn't sleep that night. The idea of Aurora having dinner with James, laughing, smiling, and seeing something interesting in him that made her accept a second date, and then maybe have something with him, was too much, even if she was in kind of denial with the whole situation. She didn't want to accept she had feelings for her friend, but at the same time, she hated the idea of her having dinner with James.

She tried to relax by reading a book, but the words before her were like Russian, she didn’t understand a bit.

Hours later,  another knock interrupted her internal fight.

“Rosie, can I come in?”

It was Aurora.

“Yes, come in.”

Aurora opened the door and entered with her purse and jacket in one hand, and a white paper bag in the other.

“Hey,”

“Hey,  how was your date?”

“It was… Good. He’s cute,” she replied as she walked toward her bed and handed her the paper bag,  “I brought you this.”

Rosialía took the bag in her hands, surprised. As she opened it, she found half a dozen spring rolls with soja sauce on a small plastic recipient inside.

“I know you like them.”

Her mind numbed again. Her core felt that buzzing and warm sensation that was pushing her to kiss her, but she was fighting it again.

Why she was being so damn cute?

Yeah, she really liked her. There wasn’t another explanation for this.

“You didn’t need to…”

“It’s a thank you gift for your help today.”

Rosalia smiled sadly at her. The nice gesture had quickly turned into a bittersweet one. It was a thank you for helping her with something she didn't want her to do.

What was she supposed to do? She probably didn’t feel the same. She had a date with someone. Hell, maybe she didn’t even like girls. Well, she herself didn’t know she liked girls until it happened, but there’s no way Aurora would be in the same situation. She’ll just have to learn to live with it. Probably with time she’d stop feeling things for her.

"Wanna join me for a bit while I try this?" Rosalía proposed as Aurora kept standing in front of her.

“Sure, why not?“ Aurora beamed at the invitation and sat in the space Rosalía made in her bed beside her, before taking a bite of a spring roll.

“Yuummm, this is amazing, Aurora! One of the best I’ve had.”

“Yeah, the food is pretty great, actually.”

“And the company? I want details!”

If Rosalía wanted to move on, the first thing she had to do was acting normal, like a friend, as if nothing was happening inside her heart. Also, probably she’d have to get used to the idea of Aurora dating James.

“It was great, we talked about a lot of things. James is a dog lover, likes to go hiking, and tries to go to concerts as much as he can, he's really interesting.”

“Oh, dog lover, that’s all we needed! Her fans will faint when they find out!”

Aurora chuckled, “Yeah, I think they might.”

“And he likes hiking, eh? Just like you.”

"Yeah, actually we agreed to go hiking sometime."

“Oooooh, you already planned a second date!” Rosalía hated herself, as she felt her excitement was excessive and maybe overacted.

Aurora blushed, “No! I mean, we didn’t set a date to do it, but...”

“Well, if the night went that well, he definitely is going to ask you out again," she assured, as she felt a pang on her stomach at the last words. She didn’t know how she managed to tease and smile at Aurora while she was dying of jealousy and pain inside.

*

Rosalía was confident that she could deal with the situation just like that night. That she could pretend everything was fine, show interest in her date, and tease her about it, but she was wrong. Completely wrong.

Ever since she found out she liked Aurora, the days turned into nightmares. Seeing Aurora under a different light, a light of love, complicated everything. She would feel nervous around her, to the point of making her blush sometimes, and frequently she would avoid group chattings to not risk the possibility of having to hear the gang teasing Aurora with James. All those feelings forced her to start spending less and less time with her friend, and the rest of the group as well.

Aurora noticed the change, of course. They were extremely close and above all, she was smart. She noticed Rosalía wasn't joining her early in the morning to go to work together, to which she would respond that she overslept or that she was too tired and preferred sleeping half an hour more. At the question of why she wasn't joining her at lunch, she would argue she had a lot of paperwork to do with the Diagnostics Team. She had a handful of excuses for her sudden change of behavior.

One afternoon she was leaving for her night shift when she found a couple in sportswear outside the building, kissing. When the man leaned his forehead against the woman's, Rosalía realized, to her misfortune, that the couple was no other than Aurora and James.

“This was great, we definitely should do it some other time," he muttered, gently pulling away from her, "maybe Lola can join us if you like. ”

“Yeah, that would be fun,” Aurora replied, smiling shyly.

Rosalía stood motionless at the portal. She was ready for anything except that. Well, no, she wasn't ready for anything that involved Aurora and James actually.

“Rosie!” Aurora exclaimed, embarrassment on her features, as she realized she was looking at them.

“H-Hey! Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Nonsense. Come on!” she reprimanded, gesturing her to approach them with her hand, “let me introduce you to James. I can’t believe I haven’t had the chance in all these weeks! James, she’s Rosie, Rosalía Muñoz.”

Rosalía sauntered down the stairs, her legs feeling like two heavy pillars of concrete crashing against the staircase, “Hi James, nice to meet you,” she said, her throat constricted.

“Rosie, nice to meet you too! Em has said amazing things about you!”

Em? He already had a nickname for her? A pet name?

“She has?”

“Oh yeah, every time she does it she leaves me with the feeling I want to be your friend too, so I hope this is just the first step to that.”

Fuck. She couldn’t even hate him, he was too nice.

"I've heard plenty of good things about you too, James," she responded, forcing a smile and fighting the tears that were forming in her eyes. "Well, I'm not gonna keep interrupting you, besides I'm on my way to work, so, see you later!" she said, waving her hand as she started walking toward the T-station.

She hadn’t had a train ride that shitty in months. Maybe when she found out Teresa Martinez had died, or maybe when she was suspended from her duties after the Preliminary Hearing about Teresa's death. Either way, it was horrific between trying to fight the tears back and forcing herself to think about anything else but that stupid kiss and the way she was smiling at him. But in the end, the tears were stronger.

The image in her head was too much. Things were getting better than she thought. If they were kissing, it meant that Aurora really liked him; she really was interested in pursuing a relationship with him, and that meant there was absolutely no chance for her. Well, who she was trying to kid, she never had a chance, but it's inevitable to build ideas and prospects in the head. Daydream about it. Clearly, she couldn't do it anymore.

The following days just got worse. She kept finding them everywhere, and one day James even joined them at Donahue's. She considered asking a round of tequila to shut her mind down with alcohol, but then she rejected the idea as she feared she would make a scene drunk. Rosalía didn't want her to know by any means, so instead, she waited fifteen minutes, and then she made up an excuse and went home, alone.

Even if she tried to be subtle, soon her friends started to notice she was distant. Sienna asked her if she was okay, if something had happened with Aurora because she had shown her some concerns about it. She alleged again it was just work. No one kept insisting on the topic.

It was the morning of her free day. All of her friends were at work so she sauntered relaxed toward the kitchen to have breakfast, happy with the palpable solitude.

A  few minutes after she sat up to eat her pancakes, Aurora appeared in the hall to make her own breakfast, “Hey Rosie.”

Her name in her mouth made her shiver. She raised her head, startled, her cheeks flushing instantly, "Good morning," she said and kept eating her breakfast in silence as if she wasn't completely crushed that she was there at that moment.

Aurora served a mug of coffee and made a bowl of fruits, oatmeal, and yogurt and then sat across Rosalía, who had her nose practically buried in her pancakes, unable to look at her. "How much time are you gonna be ignoring me?" she asked after staring at her for a few seconds.

Rosalía’s eyes widened but didn’t look up at her, “What are you talking about?”

“Come on, Rosie. You’re better than that. Are you gonna tell me what has you so… frustrated or distant with me?”

“You’re imagining things.”

The woman sighed with a stern expression on her face, "Rosalía, you've spent the last month ignoring me. We're friends, I know something is bothering you."

A month. Just a month. It felt like an eternity. How much time will it take her to extract Aurora out of her mind? Of her heart?

“Nothing to worry about, it will pass soon,” she said, still looking at her plate.

“Is this for the Benitez case?”

Completely confused with the question, Rosalía raised her head and a pair of worried chocolate eyes met hers, “Benitez case? What Benitez case?”

“The Lyme syndrome case Dr. Banerji made us compete to assist a conference in New York.”

Rosalía tried to remember that case until she found the image of Naveen talking to a group of second-year residents about this competition. Between what was happening with Aurora and the work on the Diagnostic Team, she didn't have the time to fight for it, which was unusual. In better times, Aurora and Jackie would've spent the entire day running to find a solution and throwing dirty looks at each other every time they were in their sights.

“Oh, that. No, no, you deserved it, it’s completely fine.”

“Then what is your problem? Are you really not gonna tell me?”

Rosalía sighed.

Aurora wasn't this pushy. Maybe she was truly concerned, and she couldn't blame her. She had been extremely strange the past months, to the point of making Aurora ask her other friends to find out what was happening, but Rosalía kept telling her everything was fine.

Her heart started racing fast, her cheeks flushed. She couldn't do it. She could not tell her. She prohibited herself to do it.

“I can’t tell you,” she whispered before standing up from her chair and sprint towards her room, but she couldn’t go very far, as Aurora stopped her just a few feet from the table.

“Rosie, please tell me what’s happening,” she said in a soft voice. Rosalia melted. Her eyes fluttered shut at the mention of her name in her mouth, once again. “I’m worried about you.”

"I…" she closed her eyes.  She shouldn't, but all her body was begging for her to tell Aurora the truth. She tried to look for another excuse but stopped instantly and resolutely. She didn't deserve to be lied to that way.

Maybe she will understand, she thought. She’s an adult, maybe it will be awkward at first, but they would eventually move on, and maybe that was the best,  to tell her than keep ignoring her and hiding this from her.

Rosalía opened her eyes again, and Aurora was staring at her, waiting.

“Aurora I….” she sighed, her breath was shaking. “I like you. More than a friend.”

Aurora’s eyes widened in shock for a brief second until she forced herself to school her features, probably to not break her heart more than already was, “But Rosie you…”

“Yes, I’ve always liked guys, until I liked you,” she confessed.

Aurora remained silent for a moment, “I’m sorry I… I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. You wanted to know why I was like this with you, there you have. But don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I just hope things don’t get weird between us,” she said before running away, successfully this time, from the kitchen. Once she reached her cove, she slammed the door shut and locked herself for the day.

Rosalía didn't see Aurora again until the next day at the hospital. They said hi awkwardly to one another and then kept with their routines more or less normally. By the end of the day, nervousness invaded her as she realized she'd have to see her for dinner, but lucky for her, Aurora wasn't at home when dinner was ready, so everyone assumed she had a last-minute date with James. Despite feeling internally relieved that she wouldn't face her again that night, the idea of Aurora with James kept itching just as the day of their first date.

She had finally managed to fall asleep when a knock on her door woke her up. Sleepy, she walked to open the door, only to find Aurora in the dark hall.

“Can we talk?” she said, a hand curling around her middle finger.

She looked so nervous and kind of worried, that didn’t give Rosalía a chance to get nervous too for being in front of her after what had happened, “Sure, come in.”

As she turned the lights of her bedroom on, she realized Aurora was blushing and her posture was noticeably stiff, “Aurora, are you okay? Something happened?” she asked, gently stroking her arms, inspecting her carefully.

Aurora’s body trembled at her touch so she parted her hands instantaneously, “I’m sorry…” she muttered, taking a step away.

“No,” she mumbled, grabbing her by the wrist, and gently pulling her to her body.

Now it was Rosalía’s turn to shudder, the coldness of her skin against hers causing tingles in every inch of her body.  

She looked up at her, seeking for any clue that could indicate what was she doing there, if was something was happening to her, but there was nothing more than a pair of chocolate eyes staring at her in a way she'd never seen before, and even if she couldn't tell what it was, it made her stomach flutter.

It was soft but at times it was interrupted by furrowings that denoted fear and maybe some desperation, as if for moments something inside her was pushing her to do something she wasn't ready to do, and then would find the strength, to finally waver again.

Hoping she wasn't reading all the situation wrong, Rosalía tempted fate by getting closer to Aurora until their bodies were now mere inches away from the other, the coolness of one body mixing with the warmth of the other.

At the advancement, Aurora looked at her as if something snapped inside her, all fears and doubts gone, just determination. Determination and… tenderness.

Rosalía felt her breath get caught in her throat as Aurora released her wrist to cup both hands on her cheeks, stroking her so gently, as though she was scared of breaking her. It was dazzling the way Aurora was looking at her, with unrestrained sweetness and warmth. All seemed too good to be true. Most of all, because it was in a way she had been wanting for weeks, and maybe, unknowingly, for months.

It didn’t take her long to mirror her, eyes sparkling at the sight of that precious creature of the universe so close to her, her chocolate eyes exposed to discover the hues and stripes drawn in her irises, her hot breath caressing her lips.

Then, as if something was pulling them, both rested their eyes on their lips and started to shorten the distance.

And for the first time, Rosalía didn’t resist. She let herself go and obeyed the most honest desire of her heart.

Kissing Aurora for the first time felt like floating.

No, it was it was even more mighty than flying. It was freeing and lulling, healing and exciting, and more than that, awakening.

The simple act of kissing her had awakened feelings and desires that she didn't know her heart could harbor. Pure and intense, sincere and encouraging.

Driven by all these sentiments, Rosalía wrapped her arms around her neck as both parted their lips to explore more of one another, and that was the beginning of an addiction that would've lasted hours if it wasn't because they had to catch some breath.

They stared at each other in silence until it was inevitably to giggle as if both were incredulous of what had just happened.

“Rosie I…” she shook her head, blinded by the beautiful smile Rosalía was giving her, “Damn, I like you too. So much. I’ve liked you for a long time.”

Rosalía opened her eyes wide, completely off-guarded by her confession, “You what? Are you serious?”

Aurora closed her eyes as she took a deep breath, and when she opened her eyes again, she looked at her amusingly, "I've liked you for, I don't know, several months now, since we started speaking in civil terms to one another. At that time I told you I was mean to you because I didn't want to trust anybody, and you were a threat to my career, but after a while, I realized part of why I tried to hate you so much was because I liked you."

Rosalía chuckled, blown away by how alike their stories were.

"It was hard for me to acknowledge that because I had never… I had never felt that for a girl. But I tried to ignore it, thinking you probably would never feel the same. Then I met James and I thought it was a sign, that maybe he would help me be over you… and I really liked him, you know? He's nice, he's treated me like anyone did before... but then you told me you liked me and… I couldn't believe it, that's why I reacted that way yesterday. I couldn't believe you felt that for me too. I swear I could've never imagined you were.... jealous. Not for a single moment, I linked your behavior to James and me."

Both shared a sad smile until Rosalía broke the silence, "First, I also thought I hadn't had a chance with you because you had only liked men, and second… If it wasn't for James, I don't know when I'd realized I liked you, but the idea of you dating somebody just… ignited something inside me, and the night of your date I finally could tell what it was."

“Oh my god, Rosie,” she laughed, also blown away by her story.

“What about James?”

“I spoke with him. I told him it wouldn’t work out between us because there was someone else.”

“Oh. So that means I have you all by myself now?”

Aurora gave her a mischievous smile as she tucked a strand of her wavy brown hair behind her ear, “Well, if that’s what you want."

Before that moment, Rosalía thought it would be hard for her to respond to that question, as it was something she had never experienced. Being with a girl. But now that she was in the situation, the answer became so easy because what was happening wasn’t anything unknown or terrifying. It was love, and love was simple. Simple and encouraging, so there was nothing to be afraid of.

Rosalía leaned to kiss her deeply before sweetly whispering:

“It is.”

[kenanda]

Love your lonelyeyes fics!! I'm waiting for the sequel you mentioned and the abo one.

If you want to, no pressure, for the kissing prompt whichever you want to pick 11, 23 or 62 would be amazing. Have a lovely day !!!

Hello! I'm so humbled that you enjoy my fics, thank you so much! I'm a bit swamped atm, but I have those fics all outlined. I still plan on writing them, so bear with me!

Also, thank you for your patience, I know this took a while xD I've come back (sorta) after a week of being ill to commit more LonelyEyes crimes. I hope y'all are ready for some tooth-rotting fluff!

Since I'm still a bit under the weather, I decided to do what I never do and pick only one prompt (oh noes!). But here it goes:

Kissing prompt 23 - Exhausted parents kiss

Rating: PG-13 Words: 1,2k Pairing: LonelyEyes Characters: Jonah Magnus!Elias Bouchard; Peter Lukas; Martin Blackwood; Tim Stoker Tags: Established Relationship; Parenthood; Gentle Kissing; Fluff; No Hurt Only Comfort; Parents!Lonelyeyes; Domestic (like VERY); Doting Parents LonelyEyes; yeah Tim and Martin are their kids in this one; Prompt Fill

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. They are the property of Rusty Quill's The Magnus Archives.

Warning: If you're squicked by any of this, back out. Don't read. Thanks!

After nine years of being a parent, Elias had learned to recognise the shy knocking on his and Peter's door for what it really was. The day and hour — just a little past 11PM on a Sunday — were also a hint. Tim was supposed to be in bed by ten, and yet here he was, a small figure standing awkwardly on the threshold.

Elias lowered his reading glasses and elbowed Peter in the ribs when he failed to turn off the TV.

Peter jolted awake, having been on the brink of sleep. "Tim- Timothy? What's wrong?" Peter grumbled.

Between the two of them, Martin let out a tiny sound in his slumber.

Tim rubbed the back of his leg with a foot. "I just remembered… I have schoolwork… For tomorrow..."

Elias sighed, wondering why in the deepest part of his heart. But what could he do except help his forgetful child?

"I'll go get the cardboard and old magazines," he said and got up, careful not to jostle Martin.

Tim smiled. "Thank you, Daddy."

Unfortunately for him, Elias was rather weak to his child's eyes. Something about them reminded him of Peter; an acquired trait, maybe? Elias knew he was doomed the moment he saw the same little wrinkles appear on the sides of Tim’s eyes. Alas, he would die for this child — the love blooming in his chest upon noticing that their boy looked more and more like them was evidence enough.

Elias picked Tim up on the way out. Just as he was about to leave, he noticed that Peter hadn't moved an inch.

"Ahem.”

Peter wiggled out of bed with many a groan.

"Keep an eye on Martin while I help Tim," Elias told him.

Their youngest had just turned two; they were having some trouble getting him to fall asleep in his own bedroom. Martin was adamant in sleeping between his dads, even with the TV and the lights on.

Since Martin was out like a light, Peter picked him up and carried him to his bedroom.

Elias and Tim got to work in the kitchen. Elias should have known better than to not check Tim's assignments, but he believed it was good that their oldest had some responsibilities.

Elias also believed in dealing with the aftermath of one's own actions, but he wasn't a cruel parent. When the yawning and eye-rubbing became too much, Elias gently patted Tim on the back.

Wordlessly, Tim crawled into his arms. Elias could finish this alone. He would wake up exhausted the next day and have a busy day of meetings at work, but he at least could drink coffee.

Just as he was putting Tim to bed, he heard a yelp followed by a wail from Martin's bedroom. His heart raced, but hopefully it would be just another nightmare. If Peter had dropped their kid...

He strode over to find Martin plastered against Peter's chest, tiny arms wound too-tight around his neck. Peter gave Elias a look and a shrug.

"Stepped on a god forsaken Lego on my way out and let out a cry. Woke him up."

Elias relaxed. He could empathise, having been on the receiving end of a painful Lego-stepping more than once. It hadn't been pretty.

Peter sat on the blue armchair near the curtains, the one that was too small for him. Elias pulled up a chair next to them and gently helped rock Martin to sleep. Their baby boy was sniffling, so Peter started humming an old shanty that both Martin and Elias loved.

Elias was ready to sleep right there when Peter nudged him. Martin's arms had gone lax.

Elias removed him with a care that one would only employ to defuse a bomb, but managed to tuck him in bed.

They tiptoed out and heaved another tired sigh upon checking the hour. Way past midnight.

"I've still got Tim's assignment," Elias whined. It sounded almost like a cry.

"Come.” Peter encouraged, gently pushing Elias towards the kitchen “Four hands work faster."

By the time they were done, it was almost one in the morning. Peter would be able to sleep in on Monday (he was only needed at the harbour by noon), but Elias would have to be up in five hours.

Bleary-eyed, Elias put the finished work aside. Peter massaged his shoulders and nuzzled his hair, offering him some tea. They could certainly do with a cuppa, but all they needed right now was sleep — though not before one last check

Peter poked a head into Tim’s bedroom and Elias into Martin’s. The kids were fast asleep and thankfully it seemed like no more trouble would arise that night.

The pair crawled into bed and only whispered a tired good-night before turning off the bedside table lamps and immediately falling asleep.

***

Getting the kids out of bed the next day was torture. Martin was throwing a tantrum for having woken up yet again somewhere other than his parents' beds, and Tim was cranky due to the lack of sleep.

Elias could relate, but he still roused them with a smile and a kiss.

While Elias dressed Tim, Peter prepared Martin's food. Elias was in charge of dropping Tim off today. Peter would stay in with Martin until the minder arrived — a lovely young one called Sasha.

"Don't forget your assignment!" Elias told Tim as they were getting ready to go. Tim ran to get it. And to the pair of scoundrels he was leaving behind: "You two, no biscuits before lunch! I mean it. And don't forget to put away the laundry, I left it running last night."

"Will do. You take care as well!"

Martin was currently too entertained by his food to co-sign. Also, he was only two.

As they were about to leave, Elias remembered something. He did a little sprint to the kitchen and gave Peter a kiss.

Peter smiled (as he always did) and kissed him back. It lingered.

They had no idea what awaited them when they'd first decided to move in together. Even less so when after a few years, they had come to the conclusion that there were too many empty rooms in that house.

Elias had never once pictured himself as paternal and frankly, neither did Peter. But now, with way more grey hairs than when they started and many stories to tell, both agreed that it had been their best idea.

"Love you," Elias told him.

"Eww," Tim exclaimed. "That's gross, Daddy!"

"Come now, we don't talk like that about your Father. He has feelings, you know."

"Hey!"

Peter gave him a reprimanding pat on the bum.

Martin giggled at Elias's yelp with a face covered in carrot porridge.

"See you in a few," Elias said, ignoring Tim's now sudden protests that they were going to be late.

This was their life now — from sleepless nights in the ER to the swelling pride at school events; to the chaotic rush of mornings and relying on each other more than they ever had before.

Peter may be all smiles today, but Elias knew that he was just as tired. He also knew that neither would trade this for anything in the world. They were in this together.

"Miss you," Peter said.

"You won't have time for that." Elias looked pointedly at Martin, who was now making a sculpture of sorts out of his food.

"Yeah, you're probably right..."

"Appreciate the sentiment, though."

"Dad!" Tim warned.

"Right. Coming!"

Peter waved them away and blew a small kiss in Elias' direction. Elias caught it in mid-air and put it in his pocket, then blew one of his own. Peter held it in his hand.

[marias-in-pyjamas]

Eclipse: Chapter 1.3

See more from the masterlist.

Pairings:

Commanding Agent Adam du Mortain x Detective Eliana Langford x Specialist Agent Mason ; Agent Nate Sewell x Detective Ellara Kingston

Content Rating - Warnings: T - language, mentions of guns, dead body

Disclaimer: The Wayhaven Chronicles belongs to Seraphinite Games. This is based on TWC, and the fic will almost follow the game's original timeline. This is purely an AU where there are two detectives in town instead of one.

Inside the Police Station

14 Jan ’19 – 09:20

More than an hour had passed after Eliana’s talk with Officer Friedman earlier and Detective Kingston still hasn’t showed up. Whatever case she’s overseeing must’ve been serious if it took her that long in returning to the station. But still, Eliana waited patiently in her seat in front of the officer’s desk, only standing up for a few minutes every now and then to have a smoke.

The body from the crime scene arrived half an hour earlier, enclosed in a cadaver bag. The crime techs brought it straight to the lab downstairs without so much of a glance at her. Eliana resisted the urge to ask for details, knowing they’re not going to give her any.

Officer Friedman, thankfully, remained focus on his work even when she goes outside. He kept his phone in his pocket, and was alert to answer the few civilians who ask for help in the station. She’s itching to help herself, but she knows she can’t do anything yet until she talks with Detective Kingston first. As far as anyone is concerned, she’s still an outsider in this police station and this town.

As Eliana was finishing the cup of coffee the officer made and offered her, a man stepped outside of the laboratory. He is wearing a crisp pair of slacks and pressed button-down shirt underneath his lab coat, and was distractedly making coffee for himself. While he was waiting for the machine to finish brewing, he turned his attention and looked around the station. Apparently only noticing her then, the man’s head slightly tilted to the side, as if in thought.

Turning to the police officer in front of her, Eliana asked, “Officer Friedman, who’s that?” She motioned with her head towards the man in the pantry subtly.

Looking at who she’s talking about, the boy turned his body around and answered, “Oh, that’s Doctor Verda. He’s our pathologist.” Seeing that Dr. Verda is already looking at the pair, Officer Friedman called out to him to introduce the two of them. “Hey, Doctor Verda,” he motioned with his hands, making the doctor raise his eyebrows in question. “This is Detective Langford. She said she was transferred here from the big city. Do you have an idea what time Detective Kingston will arrive?”

His curiosity piqued a little, Dr. Verda approached them. “I’m sorry, I don’t,” he answered the officer. “Is that true? There’s gonna be a new detective around?” He addressed his question to the detective.

“Seems like it, doctor,” Eliana said. She stood up and extended her hand towards the pathologist. “Detective Eliana Langford. I’m from the Metropolis Police Department. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

Dr. Verda shook her extended hand firmly. “No need to be so formal, detective. It seems like we’ll be workmates from now on. I’m Doctor Solomon Verda.” The doctor smiled warmly at her and added, “I came from the city myself, you know, before finally settling down here with my family.”

Instantly feeling a little affinity for the man in front of her, Eliana cracked a little smile at that. After withdrawing her hand, she asked, “Oh? And how was the adjustment from the big city to the small town?”

“Well, having my family with me helps a lot. And I’m really more of a quiet and calm environment kind-of guy than the hustle and bustle of the city.”

Oof. Family. The concept’s a little far-fetched for Eliana. “Surely you must miss some of the things that the city can provide?”

Dr. Verda thought for a few seconds before answering. “Convenience stores,” he snapped his fingers. “Can’t find more of that except in the city. In this town, most of the shop is already closed before 8 in the evening.”

“That’s a bummer,” Eliana responded. As someone who’s used to patrolling in the night and having convenience stores easily accessible all the time, it’s kind of a letdown to find out this information.

The doctor chuckled a little at that. “Aside from that, I’m good. Wayhaven’s home now.” His eyes falling at the cup of coffee in Officer Friedman’s desk and her stuff in the chair, Dr. Verda inquired, “How long have you been waiting for Detective Kingston now?”

Eliana checked her wristwatch before answering, “Almost 2 hours now, doctor.”

“That must’ve been a surprise for you. Your first day at work was spent waiting for the detective.”

Oh, you have no idea, she thought, but bit back from saying it out loud.

“Although that’s not really unusual in this town. For as long as I’ve worked here, this is the only time we’ve had a murder case. It’s not an exaggeration to say that nothing really that exciting happens in this town,” Dr. Verda continued. “Anyway, let me shoot Detective Kingston a message and inform her of this. It was nice meeting you, Detective Langford.”

“Thanks, Dr. Verda. Nice to meet you too.”

Dr. Verda waved a little before going back to the pantry to get his coffee. The man gave a final nod before returning to his laboratory.

At least he seems nice, Eliana thought as she sat back down on the stool, resuming her wait for the town’s detective.

At the Station

10:10

Ellara checks her time, suddenly realizing just how long it took her to arrive at the station. The traffic was heavier than usual and she's probably making a bad impression at the new detective for being so late. Her eyes go to the drink and bread in her hand before she pushes the doors open. At least I have my lunch with me already.

Turning around, she first saw Douglas tensely sitting on his station. 

"Glad you aren't using your phone today, Officer Friedman," she says genuinely happy at the younger's sudden change today. 

"Detective! I'm glad you're already here." Douglas greeted, his voice laced with something aside from his usual enthusiasm. Elle can't quite figure it out but she dismissed it just as her eyes landed on the woman sitting on the chair facing the younger's desk. 

 Eliana's ears instantly perked up, hearing Officer Friedman addressing the woman who had just entered the precinct as "Detective". Finally, she thought. I was beginning to wonder if she'll ever show up.

 "I see you have a complainant, huh?" She asks, pretending not to know who the woman is. The stranger suddenly stands, eyes darting at her way with an eyebrow raised. "Hello Detective Kingston, Wayhaven PD. How can we help you, ma'am?" Ellara says with a smile. She holds herself back from laughing just to see how the other would react.

"Detective Kingston, this is Detective Langford. Wayhaven's additional detective," The young officer intercepts gesturing to the woman in front.

Is she messing with me? Eliana's right eyebrow remained cocked, but she decided to drop the matter for now. Introductions must come first, so she can finally start working.

Standing up to her full height, Eliana cleared up the snark that was bubbling in the back of her throat, strode forward and extended her hand. "You must be Detective Ellara Kingston. Detective Eliana Langford of Metropolis Police Department. My superiors said I was to be transferred here for the time being." She inspected the other detective with a scrutinizing gaze, surprised that she's a lot smaller than she imagined. Her eyes, the same color as her’s - hazel - is filled with amusement and curiosity. Her light brown hair is done up on a ponytail. Detective Langford made a quick scan at other detective's clothes, wondering how she'll be able to run and pursue a perp in those shoes. She noted that Detective Kingston is wearing platform boots with matching tweed coordinates. I thought I was the one who came from the city here. Why does she look like she's up for a picnic or something? Her eyes stopped for a moment at the tea and croissant in Detective Kingston's hand. Well, it looks like there's the reason she took so goddamn long to return here.

Ellara watched as the other woman's eyes scanned her from her feet up to the top of her head, smiling despite the nervous rattling in her heart right now. The latter is towering over her, and Elle would easily cower upon the sight of her if she didn't know the woman yet. And there's also a weird feeling inside her, a feeling she can't describe with words.

How can someone look so intimidating and not feel like it?

Ellara shrugs her thoughts, focusing her mind back into the present. Her smile never left her face even when Detective Langford had been looking at her with so much disdain and confusion in her face. It makes her want to play with the latter more.

"Yes, that's me. I'm Ellara Kingston, but you can call me Elle, everyone does! However, detective...? There must be a mix up," Ellara says, tone light but with confusion laced with it as well. She extends her arms to shake the latter's but her smile turns into a frown.. "Captain Sung would've told me about you being transferred here otherwise.

Eliana is confused about the look Detective Kingston is giving her. Sure, there's the familiar sense of someone being intimidated with her. But there's something else too, something she can't quite put a finger into yet.

Focusing instead on the situation at hand, her right eyebrow returned back to its cocked state, her lips thinning into a straight line. "I'd prefer to stick with Detective Kingston, if that's alright with you. We're professional co-workers and that's more fitting, I think." She paused for a moment and continued, "Can you help point me to where your captain's office is? Or his current whereabouts right now? I'd like to speak to him personally." She had already slung her bag back to her shoulders, and is now in the process of hooking her helmet in her arm.

Ellara's eyes widen at the sudden mention of the captain and the detective's actions, making her raise her hand in the air a little, "No, you can't. He's playing golf with the mayor," she says. "Also, I was just kidding. I received the memo a few minutes ago." Ellara once again smiles and shrugs.

"I see," Eliana said simply. Truth be told, her patience has already worn thin. But she knows she can't repeat what she did with Officer Friedman earlier. For one, Eliana's afraid that if she suddenly pulls with that much force at the smaller woman, she might break apart. And second, she doesn't want to have a misdemeanor case in this town, especially if it's against her co-workers. No, it's not worth staining her spotless record over Detective Kingston's joke.

I'm going to drop this for now, but mark my words, I'm gonna be the one laughing next time.

"Welcome to Wayhaven PD, Detective Langford!" Ellara says loudly, getting the attention of everyone in the precinct– basically just Douglas, and a few other officers.

The people greet their new member just like how they do every time. Enthusiastic, and with joy. Everyone here treats each other as family, and she hopes that the detective will feel the same. Though it would probably take the latter some time to adjust as she just nods at all the greetings.

A person of a few words, huh?

Ellara decided that she probably had extended the welcome greeting too much so she gets Eliana's attention back.

"Come, I'll show you the office."

The taller detective followed Detective Kingston to the office wordlessly after accepting the greetings and welcomes of the other police officers with a simple nod of her head.

She watched as the smaller detective opened the door to a locked room, revealing a small office. Oh great, the bathroom in my apartment in the city is bigger than this office. The room has just enough space to fit a file cabinet, a desk, and a simple two-person sofa. Eliana's eyes did one full sweep across the room and landed on the woman in front of her, her face devoid of any reaction.

"So, this is it! I'm sorry I know it must be smaller than what you're used to, having worked in the big city," Detective Kingston said apologetically.

"No worries. It's alright. It could be a lot worse." 

"Well, good! Because we're supposed to share this office. We just need to find you a desk and another file cabinet and then voilà!" Ellara exclaimed with that bright smile of hers.

Well, fuck me. I spoke too soon.

It doesn't matter. There's a case. We should focus on that.

"I see," Eliana said again. She feels like this will not be the last time that she'll say that phrase in this town. In many ways, this small, quiet town is a lot weirder than the city. She knows that there will be more things to come that she'll just be forced to accept and agree, whether she wants to or not.

Placing down her things on the sofa, Eliana crossed her arms to her chest and turned to the smaller detective, who was also placing down her things at her desk. "Detective Kingston, I heard that there's been a murder. Can I ask you what details we currently have on that?" Eliana straightforwardly asked. She had always hated people who beat around the bush.

"Oh right! I was meaning to talk to you about that," Ellara replies just as she sits on her chair. Smile ceasing at the obvious straightforwardness of the woman. I haven't even eaten my lunch yet, poor foodies. "The victim is an unidentified tall, blonde woman who has unusual scratch wounds. Her cause of death is still unknown but I'm pretty sure that she's not from around here. Other than that, i'm afraid we don't have much information yet..."

Yes, useless information. I myself don't know where to lead with this. Kicking the thoughts away after a sip from her tea, she continued speaking.

"The statement from the witnesses will be reported later, and I'm actually about to head to the lab to know more about her." She stops, searching for a reaction on Eliana's face but the latter remains expressionless. "You should come with me so we can hear about it together. Oh, maybe I should give you a tour, too?" Ellara smiles, her eyes twinkling at her own suggestion.

Fuck, we haven't got even a small lead yet.

"Of course, Detective," Eliana answered, internally wondering what else she hadn't seen from the precinct aside from the inside of Dr. Verda's lab. Her eyes have already looked at every side of the station when she was waiting for Detective Kingston earlier, but she decided not to say anything for now. She needs to establish rapport if she's to work with the smaller detective. "Why don't you take the lead?"

Smiling at Eliana's suggestion, Detective Kingston stood up from her chair, her tea and croissant still in her hand. "Follow me, Detective Langford."

It took them less than 5 minutes to have the full tour around the precinct. Ellara introduced the new detective to some of the officers around. There's really not much to see, but I already knew that. God, this is gonna be a long reassignment, Eliana sighed to herself.

"Well, this is our last stop. The precinct's lab," Detective Kingston said with a flourish. "You've met Dr. Verda earlier, right?"

 Yes. Officer Friedman introduced us."

"Douglas?!" Detective Kingston exclaimed. "Oh, well, that's good. At least he's taking his job seriously."

Eliana had to bite back a snicker from escaping her lips from that comment.

"Let's go see what Verda has to say," Detective Kingston declared. She shoved the remaining croissant in her mouth and swiped some of the crumbs away from her clothes before bumping the heavy door of the doctor's lab with one hip. She didn't even bother to stop and take a look at the No Food or Drink Inside sign beside the door, her cup of tea still clutched in her hand.

Sighing at the other detective's blatant disregard for rules, Eliana shook her head and followed Detective Kingston inside the chilly lab.

Inside the Laboratory

10:30

The white-tiled walls greeted the two of them just as they stepped into the lab. It was a clean room with only the silver machines at the edges completing the ensemble. They saw Verda sitting on his metal desk at the corner of the room.

"Hey, Verda." Ellara greets brightly, and with a smile. The doctor turns to greet her back with a nod before a voice cuts through their little interaction.

"I don't know how you work down here." Eliana says seeing how the doctor didn't even have his gloves on, a cup of drink is noticeable sitting on the table beside him.

"It's the first time I actually got to work, Detective Langford." The doctor turns to look at her and grin.

"I thought you're not supposed to bring drinks in here?" Eliana says, the careless disregard to the rules getting into her like a whiplash.

"It's a habit I picked up working from the city," He answers, tone bright and all. "You are one of the good-natured detectives from the city then?"

"Not really, no," Eliana snickers and shrugs, making the doctor grin.

Ellara watched the interaction, feeling glad that the detective is at least making conversation with their pathologist. Must be because they are both from the city?

A few seconds of quiet descended upon them before Ellara decided to break it, just as her eyes landed on the body covered by a white sheet on a table.

"You haven't started the autopsy yet?" She asks, walking towards the body. 

The doctor shakes his head, "No, but..." he pauses and purses his lips, "I found something you might need." He spins around and lifts an evidence bag from a nearby counter.

"You found her phone! They couldn't see it at the scene," she says, getting the bag from his hand.

"It was in her boot."

The three of them looked down at the woman, her skin now a grey-white, her lips so pale that they aren't even noticeable right now.

"We really need to find her identity-" the detectives said in unison. Their heads turned, eyes meeting each other. Both surprised at having said the same thing at the same time. 

"...so we can inform her family."

"...so we can find her killer." 

Ellara and Eliana continued respectively, earning confused looks from the pathologist that stands in front of them. 

"Well, I'm glad you care more about your people, Detective Kingston. At least more than some detectives from the city." Verda says, throwing a quick glance at Eli. "But you're both right. Finding her identity must be the first step." 

Ellara half smiles at the compliment, appreciating it despite not knowing if she deserves to be given the praise while Eliana just let the comment fly by her.

"There's not much I can tell you as of the moment." Verda continues. "Though the bruises in her wrists and ankles are noticeable."

"She was tied down?" Eliana joins the conversation. 

"So it would seem..." he answered, voice trailing off at the obvious sympathy for the woman. 

Ellara tightens her hold on the phone as she opens it through the evidence bag. The screen opened and she felt relief when she saw that it wasn't locked by any password. Flicking through it and opening her contacts, she didn't see much aside from the victim's family, workmates, and a few friends. Checking the logs and messages, she noticed that there weren't much in there too. 

"She obviously didn't go out much." Verda says as he is glancing through the phone, too. 

"Poor girl," Ellara says as she continues to explore the victim's phone, ending up in her gallery. "She must've been less of a target if she weren't so isolated." 

"Maybe," Verda says with a shrug, "But that might have not been why she was targeted." 

"I agree." Eliana chirps. 

The quiet once again fills the room as Ellara swipes through the photos. Until one particular picture catches her attention. The photo was blurred, but thanks to the stained walls and the crack metal beams, she was able to recognize the place, "This was the last photo she took. It's from the Farris Warehouse at the edge of the town." 

"You think she managed to capture where she was murdered?" 

"Possibly." 

"Will you go to the warehouse then?" Verda asked. 

"I will. After I finished up the paper works of course," Ellara says and with a smile once again. 

"Instead of going alone, how about you bring Detective Langford along then? Must be good for her to be familiarized as early as now." Verda suggested. 

"I was just about to ask her," Ellara grins and turns to the new detective, "Are you up for an adventure?"

Eliana's right eyebrow quirked up again at Detective Kingston's choice of words. "Sure, sounds good," she shrugged nonchalantly.

"Are you two gonna be alright?" Verda asks suddenly.

"We've got our radio if we need backup, and Tina also patrolled there the other day. It's impossible that there's still a deranged murderer hanging in there."

The doctor frowns in concern. "Be careful. Both of you please."

"You worried about us, Verda?" Ellara asks with a teasing tone, throwing in a smirk at the pathologist's way.

"You are about the best person I've worked for, and besides, Detective Langford here has been much a delight," he replies with a smile. "I don't fancy getting used to someone else."

Eliana gave a nod at the doctor's way and mumbled a small "Thanks," that didn't go unnoticed.

Ellara's laughter echoes in the room as she makes her way out of the lab, making sure that Eliana is following closely behind. For the first time that day, Ellara actually felt alright.

Inside the Station 

10:45

Being out of the lab felt like a reward somehow as the cold Ellara was feeling dissipated into thin air. She looks back making sure that Eliana was able to follow along as she made her way back into the office again.

Eliana looks back up just as Ellara brings her eyes back to the front. Why is this precinct so quiet and boring? She thinks to herself, her mind unconsciously wandering back into her workplace before. Back home, she never had a down time during work hours. There's always a criminal to arrest, and a crime to solve. The fact that everything around here is moving so slow is making her feel cooped up and restless. Surely, her past captain had good intentions moving her here. Otherwise, why would he do that? It would be dumb to send off the youngest most skillful detective away.

Whatever the reason is, fuck it. I deserve to be somewhere more developed than this town. Won't exactly get any recognition, working here. Well, maybe if they can solve the case first. 

"I hope you've been settling well so far, Detective Langford," Ellara says with a smile, once again taking the seat behind her desk as the latter sits herself on the couch.

"I am," Eliana replies nonchalantly, fishing her phone out of her pocket and typing in the little information they have so far.

"So…" she heard Ellara speak from the far end of the room. “What's-" the woman was about to ask something when the door opened.

"Good afternoon, detectives." Captain Sung stands in front of the door, giving Elle a glance for greeting before he turns into the new detective and approaches her. "Detective Langford, I assume?"

Eliana stood from her seat and strode forwards, extending her arm in greeting. "Yes, that's right. Pleasure to meet you." After a quick scan at the man's posture and clothing, Eliana continued. "And you must be Captain Sung?"

The captain just nodded in affirmation, already busy fetching something from his pocket. "I'm just here to give you your badge and gun while you're working here in our town and ask how you're settling here?"

Eliana checked the handgun and was surprised to see it in good condition. Afterwards, she clipped her badge in her belt and the gun to her holster and answered with a simple, "Fine, so far," before crossing her arms across her chest again.

"Well, that's good. According to the Mayor, another desk set, and a cabinet will arrive later this evening to accommodate Detective Langford for the time being." Captain Sung then turns to Ellara. "I can see that you've been letting her catch up immediately. Nice work, Detective Kingston."

"Thanks, Captain. Detective Langford has been cooperative." Ellara throws a smile at Eliana's way, making the other's eyebrow raise.

After a short conversation between the people in the office, Captain Sung bid the two detectives farewell before walking out of the police station, telling them to work with and help each other to solve the murder case.

"Now that's out of the way, what say you we decrease some of this paperwork that needs filing, Detective Langford?" Ellara said with a charming smile, hoping that the taller detective is at least a little more patient than her in paper works.

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Mist | Choi San | Chapter 3

Pairing: Choi San x OC (Seohyun)

Genre: supernatural (ghost), romance, high school

Trigger Warnings: paranormal, death mentions, violence

Words: 9.9k

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my original character and the story. I do not own any gifs or pictures used.

Full story on Wattpad (don’t spoil here if you read there too)

chapter directory

--------------

"But I want to sleep..." Seohyun complained.

"Is sleep more important to you than us?" Wooyoung asked.

"Of course it is. Is that even a question?" Seohyun raised her brow and Wooyoung gaped at her.

"We've been friends for long now, Wooyoung, I thought you knew better not to ask questions like these," Yeosang said, laughing.

It had been more than a month now since that incident with San. Seohyun looked at each of them slowly, smiling. Despite herself, she had gotten quite used to the company of these boys. And they were EIGHT. It was hard to not be alone. Even if some of them were busy, the rest would always fool around after school as well.

Seohyun had gotten to know them well now too. She knew that Hongjoong, the oldest, also acted like one. He had a thing for fashion, and had reformed her navy blue cap that she always wore, embroidering a cat on it.

Seonghwa was the mom of this group for sure. He was always keeping them in check, always stopping them from doing something stupid (which was most of the times) and always helping them with homework. He was very caring, and he couldn't hide that part of himself.

Yunho was the clown of the group, and surprisingly, she was getting along with him and Yeosang quite well. Yeosang and her had the savageness in common, which mixed well with Yunho's humor. Since the three sat next to each other, they would always pass a joke or two to her even during class, and she had to beg them to stop one too many times.

Wooyoung and Mingi were quite funny too. There was just something contagious about their smiles. Seohyun found herself smiling a lot in their company. It didn't help that Wooyoung laughed like a hyena; even when she had no reason to laugh, she'd burst out laughing when she heard Wooyoung laugh.

She was getting along well with Jongho too, especially because they were paired for a project. She hadn't had the chance to talk to him much but once she did, she found that he was actually quite witty despite his dad jokes, and that he loved singing and... breaking apples. Which was weird but it was fun to see how strong he was.

"All you do is sleep, Seohyun. You have to come with us now," San insisted.

Seohyun stared at San. She was glad they were out of danger -for now. The old ghost had finally moved on after realizing that killing Seohyun was not worth it (thanks to Jiwoo). San had gotten close to Jiwoo as well. When she was not hanging out with the boys, she was with San. He liked being in her company because apparently 'he didn't want to look stupid alone staring at the distance'. He could see all sorts of ghosts now and Seohyun was helping him practice differentiating between the living and the dead.

"All right, but if I see something stupid, I leave. Okay?" Seohyun locked eyes with him and he nodded assuredly, smiling and showing off his dimples.

Hongjoong had been insisting that she finally come to their 'second home'. Apparently it was a warehouse that Hongjoong's father owned but had no use for so Hongjoong turned it into a place for him and the boys to hang out. She had no idea what they did there, and they finally wanted to show her the place because they all 'approved of her now and accepted her as one of them'.

The warehouse wasn't far from school so they decided to walk there. The black cat was walking with them now. San bent to pick her up, patting her head.

"Still didn't come up with a name?" Seohyun asked.

"You rejected Shiber. I don't want any other name," San pouted.

"I told you you could call it Shiber, I'll just... call it whatever I call her... hey what do I even call her?" Seohyun wondered.

"You never actually call her, do you?" San laughed a little, caressing the cat's neck, "She sticks to you, and you didn't even give her a name. I'm disappointed in you."

"I couldn't find the right name," Seohyun mumbled, frowning.

"Still, she's been your friend for what, like a year now-"

"FINE. Shiber. That sounds like a male name though."

"It's my plushie's name, but she reminds me of it," San admitted.

"You're naming my cat after a plushie? SAN!" Seohyun punched San's arm, making him laugh out loud. Wooyoung joined them, grinning.

"San's had that plushie since he was a kid," Wooyoung said. "I'm not surprised that he couldn't come up with any other name."

"You should've told me before, I would have never allowed him to name the cat then..." Seohyun shook her head but grinned.

"We're here!" Hongjoong announced, and Seohyun took off her sunglasses as she looked at the large warehouse, the sun reflecting harshly back at her, making her eyes water.

They went inside, Seohyun stepping in last and she blinked as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Mingi turned the light on, and she ran her eyes around.

"Woah," she breathed. It really did feel like a 'home'. The place had everything they could think of; sofas, couches, tables, a fridge for snacks, a basket for basketball, and so many musical instruments and equipment. "Are you guys secretly famous musicians or what?"

"Nothing like that," Seonghwa laughed, "We just really like music. Hongjoong is always making songs though. We fool around."

"I wouldn't call this 'fooling around'," Seohyun said, walking towards the equipment, stopping mid-way. "Can I?"

"Of course," several of them replied, nodding. She smiled as she ran her fingers across the piano, looking at the speakers and the mics. She saw some pages, probably lyrics scribbled on them, lying on the table near.

"So you guys... make music? Do you want to be idols or something?"

"For now, we're just exploring," Jongho replied, "Who knows? Maybe some of us might want to go into the musical side."

"So you all sing?"

"I'm the rapper," Mingi said, "Hongjoong raps too."

Seohyun made an impressed face. She pressed some of the piano keys, and something clicked at her mind. She looked up at Hongjoong as a grin spread across her face. "So that's why your fingers are always tapping at the desk. You make music!"

"Oh? I'm surprised you noticed," Hongjoong admitted.

"It's hard to not notice when you're sitting in my vision with fingers tapping nonstop while I'm trying to focus in class. You were doing something like this today, weren't you?" Seohyun said and played the keys that had unintentionally been printed in her memory.

"Woah, I'm more surprised that you remembered it!" Hongjoong clapped in disbelief and then narrowed his eyes at her. "Do you... know how to play?"

"The piano? Not much. But I have a drum set at home," Seohyun said and she saw as the boys looked at each other, applauding her.

"What?" Seohyun asked.

"We knew there was something about you," Wooyoung went on dramatically, waving his hands as he said "who knew we had a shared passion for music?"

"I wouldn't call it 'passion' per se, it's more of a... hobby. A stress-reliever, if you will. And stop ogling at me like you guys won a jackpot. I know what's going through your heads, and I say no."

"But you can play!" Mingi wailed, "We need more people to play the instruments! These guys-" he pointed at the boys one by one, "-they never learn!"

"Hey, hey, hey, look who's saying! Didn't you want to learn drums? What happened to that?"

"I don't have a drum-set!"

"I can play too!" Jongho and Yeosang complained.

Seohyun watched as the boys started arguing among themselves, and she shook her head. She had never imagined they like making music this much. If she had known, she might not have told them about her drums, much less her room full of instruments at a time like this.

"If you don't shut up, I'll never bring any instrument here."

"You mean you will if we shut up?" San asked, followed by Seonghwa who said, "You have more than one instrument?"

Seohyun sighed. "This is overwhelming, okay? Like I respect what you do, but I'm still new to being friends with you all, and it would take me some time to open up to you guys about the instruments. It's just... I have some memories- I don't really want to go back there."

"Oh..." San raised his brow and she bit her lip. She hadn't lied. She had some memories attached to those instruments that she would rather forget. It had been about two years since she'd played. She wanted to shut out that part of herself. She wanted to throw those instruments, but she hadn't been able to.

"Can you just... tell me which instruments you have, other than the drums?" Hongjoong asked cautiously.

Seohyun rolled her eyes. "Drums, bass, electric-"

"WOW!" Wooyoung gasped out very loud.

"-and violin. And I can play piano and guitar too. But it's been like two years since I last played so I'm probably very rough now..."

"Is one of your parent a musician or what?" Yunho asked.

"No, the drums were my mom's. The rest, I bought them when I was going through a phase."

"A phase. Wow," Yeosang snickered, earning daggers from Seohyun.

"Alright, we won't pressure you or anything. But you're free to play the piano if you want to," Yunho suggested, "and you're free to do whatever you want."

"Thanks for understanding," Seohyun muttered, smiling at him.

"But I wanted to learn the drums..." Mingi wailed.

"Who knows? Maybe I'll be the one to teach you," Seohyun said nonchalantly, making him smile his famous gummy smile.

"So anyways, what's with those mirrors?" Seohyun asked.

"Oh, that? We like to dance too," Jongho said.

"Oh my god. You guys should stop watching all those idol videos..."

"But we're good at it!" Wooyoung laughed, "And anyways, even if we don't go down that route, we love doing it anyway. It's our way of releasing stress."

"Sure," Seohyun nodded.

"Don't tell me you can dance too," Seonghwa narrowed his eyes at her.

"Oh no. I don't think I can," Seohyun admitted. Unless you could count those random 3 am sad twerks as dancing. The boys watched as she suspiciously tried to avoid their gaze, looking around.

"So now that we've told you so much about ourselves, how about you tell us something that we don't know?" Jongho suggested.

"I don't know what's there to tell," Seohyun said, her eyes unintentionally falling on San who lightly shook his head.

"Anything. Something. It's just that we'd like to know you more," Seonghwa smiled warmly at her.

"How about you just ask me and I'll answer? Because it feels like I'll never be able to start myself..."

"Or how about," Yeosang started, a devilish smile spreading across his face, "we play truth or dare?"

"Oh no..."

----------------

Yeosang made everyone sit in a circle, and though very reluctant at first, Seohyun had to sit down too (after being dragged by Wooyoung). They discussed the rules; they could choose between truth or dare, and if a person didn't want to answer a question they should just say so instead of lying, which would earn them a penalty.

Hongjoong spun the bottle, and Seohyun prayed it would never land on her. At least not today. She wasn't feeling it. She still thought that the eight of them were well knit as they were, they didn't need her between them.

The bottle landed on Yunho, and he laughed nervously. Jongho asked truth or dare, and he replied with dare. Not fair, Seohyun thought. She wasn't sure she would ever choose dare. She had no idea what sort of dares they were gonna give.

"Alright, show us your golden retriever! You haven't done that in a long time!"

"Golden retriever?" Seohyun asked. She had heard them talk about it once or twice, but she had no idea what it was about.

"Ah, I'm getting nervous~" Yunho laughed awkwardly. She supposed it was because he was gonna do it in front of her for the first time.

"Come on, don't be shy," Wooyoung teased and he nodded, taking in a deep breath. He turned his head back, then looked forward, his eyes a bit wide as he made a paw out of his hand and flicked it, barking in the cutest way possible.

Seohyun was silent for a moment before she burst out laughing. She was howling at this point, making the rest of them laugh too.

"At least I made her laugh!" Yunho said proudly.

Seohyun wiped tears from the corner of her eyes. "That was hilarious. You really do look like a puppy, Yunho."

"Thanks?" Yunho said and laughed.

"Alright, next!" Jongho said, spinning the bottle, and to Seohyun's relief, it stopped at Hongjoong who was right next to her. He wailed.

"I choose... dare."

"You all are gonna end up choosing dare. I'll be the only one choosing truth it seems," Seohyun groaned.

"You know what to do," Yeosang said, locking eyes with Wooyoung who nodded. "Michael Jackson impression."

"NO! I CHOOSE TRUTH!"

"It's too late to turn back now!" San said.

"It's embarrassing enough to do it even in front of one of you, and now there's EIGHT of you. Alright. Here goes nothing." Hongjoong got up and straightened his clothes. He took a few steps back so everyone could see. He made the famous pose and sang Billie Jeans, attempting to mimic Michel Jackson's style. It would have been okay if everyone hadn't burst out laughing, making Seohyun laugh a little too.

"How did you even come up with this?" Seohyun asked in disbelief.

"I don't even remember now..." Hongjoong pouted. He spun the bottle, and it landed on Wooyoung.

"Truth," he smiled rather proudly, folding his arms.

"Who do you love more, Hongjoong or Seonghwa?" Yeosang asked. The rest of them laughed as Wooyoung's eyes went wide in panic.

"That's like you're asking if I like mom or dad more! Isn't this unfair?"

"Who did you like more though?" Jongho asked.

"Mom-"

"You like Seonghwa more. Alright, next!" Hongjoong concluded, leaving Wooyoung attempting to explain that it was not like that anymore and he liked both of them equally, but everyone was ignoring him. Seohyun thought it must be an inside joke too.

"Your turn," San smirked at her. Seohyun, who had been distracted and hadn't seen the bottle spin, eyed them suspiciously.

"I move my eyes off the bottle for a second and it lands on me. Are you sure you didn't cheat?"

"We did NO SUCH THING," Wooyoung huffed.

Seohyun locked eyes with each of them. "Fine. Truth."

She watched as the boys looked at each other, suggesting questions while Seohyun tried to calm the rumbling storm of nervousness in her stomach. Should she have gone with dare?

"Can we ask... anything?" Mingi looked at her and Seohyun shrugged.

"I mean, we're friends now, right? So go ahead. If I think it's too personal, I'll say so." Seohyun nodded and the boys looked at each other before finally turning to her.

"What's the real reason you don't have friends?"

Seohyun's eyes unintentionally went to San's, and the boys noticed, looking between the two of them. San shrugged, as if saying 'I tried.'

"Does... San know something?" Seonghwa asked cautiously.

"You don't have to answer, you know that right?" Yeosang added.

Seohyun sighed deeply, nodding. She looked at San again, who nodded back, pointing behind her and mouthing Jiwoo. Seohyun sighed in relief now. She might as well give it a try.

"Since you guys shared something today, I will too. But it's kind of... weird. Unbelievable. You might think I'm lying. You might think worse things. Whatever you think, do tell me, because I can prove it."

"Don't tell me you're some sort of a secret agent," Yeosang said, earning a slap from Hongjoong who shushed him.

"Alright, we'll hear you out," he said.

"I... can see ghosts. The dead."

There was a moment of silence before Jongho raised his eyebrow. "What? You mind saying that again?"

"I said I can see the dead. I can see ghosts. I can touch them. I help them move on."

While the boys exchanged looks, still in disbelief, San smiled at her and Seohyun nervously laughed. She had finally said it out loud.

"So you can... see ghosts? Like in the movies?" Mingi asked.

"Yep. They're just like us. Unless they're old."

"How do we believe you? I mean, you could be joking," Yunho asked.

"Well, San knows," Seohyun said, and everyone looked at San, who nodded, then looked back at her.

"How does he know?" Wooyoung asked.

"Long story. He got caught up in something, which led him to discover my secret and eventually led him to seeing ghosts too."

"You both are mad." Wooyoung laughed nervously.

"You want proof?" Seohyun challenged.

"Sure. I can do with that," Wooyoung folded his arms, anticipating.

"Alright folks, you're in for a surprise," Seohyun heard Jiwoo say. Jiwoo rubbed her hands and went near Seohyun, picking her hair and making it look like it was flying in the air.

The boys... shouted.

"MEDUSA!" She heard someone shout amidst them. San tried to calm them down but it was no use. They all were... freaking out, to put it simply. Half of them were gasping while the other half was laughing in disbelief.

Jiwoo dropped her hair down and they watched as she pulled the sunglasses off her shirt and the glasses magically disappeared.

"Where did the glasses go?" Wooyoung asked.

"Ji- the ghost. Her name is Jiwoo. She's a friend of mine. So when she takes something of mine, it would disappear once I'm not holding it anymore. But-" Jiwoo handed her the glasses back and they watched it appear out of thin air, "when she gives them back, here they are."

"Is this... magic or really a ghost?" Jongho asked.

"It's a ghost, believe me," San finally said.

"So you can see ghosts now too? How?"

"Let me explain," Seohyun said, and narrated the events, giving a little backstory about how she was born with this, and that she actually helped ghosts move on.

"That's kind of cool though," Yunho commented.

"Wouldn't call it cool," Seohyun muttered and Seonghwa noticed.

"It must not be easy to live like this..." he said, and she hesitantly nodded.

"Is that why you changed schools so often?" Hongjoong asked and she nodded. The boys looked at each other, trying to figure out what to say.

"Well, you won't have to worry about that again," Yeosang said, "We'll help you. You won't have to move again if something happens."

"It's not that easy, Yeosang. If something unexplainable happens, I won't be able to hide it."

"Oh don't worry about that," Mingi laughed, "unexplainable things always happen to me. We'll cover for you, trust me."

Seohyun was, for the first time, touched by how earnest they sounded. They really were a weird group of friends.

"I'm kind of jealous that San can see ghosts now too," Hongjoong sulked. "Can't we see too?"

Before Seohyun could answer, everyone else burst into complains too about how they wanted to see too. "Hey hey," Seohyun began, "first of all, it's too risky. I almost died and then San was able to see."

"WHAT!"

"You forgot to tell them that part," San muttered.

"Ah, right. So when I had to teleport San, we ended up in the other dimension, right? So I had to teleport again, and I had a massive nosebleed plus headache. I passed out too."

"Oh..."

"Even if it was easy, I would never do that to you. And I wish I could take it away from San. I wish it would fade," Seohyun said, and San looked at her, shocked. He had not expected this.

"It's not about it being cool, San," she locked eyes with him, "Being able to see ghosts mean you're attracting danger every second. Thank god you can't touch them. That means they're not able to touch you, not directly. I want you all to be safe, that's why I won't ever do that to the rest of you."

There was a moment of heavy silence, then Seonghwa broke the ice. "I understand. It's okay, you don't have to do that. We want you to be safe too, so if you're ever in some sort of danger, don't hesitate to ask for help."

"Thanks Seonghwa, I really appreciate it." Seohyun smiled.

"It's really unbelievable though. What does this ghost look like?" Wooyoung asked, eyes brimming with curiosity.

Seohyun grinned a little. "Well, she's a girl. Jiwoo. She's about my height, has long black hair with red streaks. Has a mole on her cheek. Also, she's weird-"

Jiwoo kicked Seohyun's back lightly, but she just continued. "She died in a car accident. A ghost with amnesia. Unbelievable is the right word, Wooyoung."

"Woah. She sounds familiar though..." Wooyoung looked towards Hongjoong who shook his head. Seohyun noticed but didn't comment on it.

"So you're waiting for her to remember so she can move on?" Hongjoong asked.

"Yeah. She's been sticking with me for months now, and I got used to her."

"Ah... that's understandable," Hongjoong looked at his wristwatch, "Anyways, we should go home now. it's late."

"I thought we were playing truth or dare. This turned into a horror show. How will I sleep at night!" Mingi wailed dramatically, making them laugh. Wooyoung called him 'scaredy cat' and San said, "Like you're one to say."

Seohyun smiled at Jiwoo. This had been an unexpected night, and she had never expected them to believe her and not make fun of her. She looked at the boys, bickering, and smiled at them.

She felt comfortable.

-----------------

The next few days at school had been... annoying, to put it simply.

The boys were very excited at the new discovery about their friend they had made. They simply couldn't contain themselves- save for San, and Seohyun found her patience wearing off day by day.

It wasn't that she was ungrateful for how things had turned out. She simply hadn't expected this sort of a behaviour. Secondly, she did not know how to deal with 7 excited boys who couldn't stop asking her the most stupid of questions.

She had to admit some of the questions did make sense. Like Yeosang asking if a ghost's touch and human's touch was any different. Seohyun shook her head as she thought of how the question had shook her.

"What do you mean?" Seohyun asked.

"Do you feel different when a ghost touches you? Like, Jiwoo. Does her touch feel different than a regular human's?"

Seohyun inhaled sharply as she was reminded of the time she had spent in her music room, laughing, with him, holding his hand, touching-

"I'm sorry, was it a wrong question?" Yeosang finally asked and Seohyun realized she had been staring at him too long.

"Uh, no. I'm sorry I zoned out. I suppose it is- it is a bit different. I don't know how to explain it. It's not... warm."

Seohyun shook her head as she waved off the memory. Another memory made its way....

"This friend of yours, Jiwoo," Hongjoong asked, "is she here right now?"

"She may not find the idea of dying twice appealing," Seohyun muttered.

"What?" Hongjoong furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Now why would a ghost attend school? Surely she doesn't wish to die of boredom. AGAIN."

Hongjoong laughed. "So she's not here? Do you know her full name?"

"Ahn Jiwoo, I think," Seohyun replied. She noticed Hongjoong's eyes gleam as his mind worked.

"How old do you think she is? And can you describe how she looks like?"

"Playing detective, are you?" Seohyun raised her brow.

"Just answer. I may have something."

"Well, she looks our age, maybe a year older, she has an average face, honestly I haven't noticed much. She does have red hair."

Hongjoong nodded slowly, and Seohyun asked when he was going to let her in.

"I'll just check something. If it's true, I'll tell you."

Seohyun shook her head again. She should really be focusing on class. But her mind went back to think of the stupid questions. Yunho had asked if 'ghosts could eat' and when she had replied no, he said he was just wondering if they did eat, did they excrete as well. And if so, was the ghost realm full of-

Shit, she thought as she heard Yunho giggling. "You keep shaking your head. What's wrong?"

"Believe it or not, I was actually thinking about you," Seohyun admitted.

"Oh?" Yunho turned a bit towards her, smirking. "And what scandalous thoughts made you shake your head so much?"

"How in the world could your brain wonder if the ghost realm was full of ghost shit?" Seohyun almost shouted, but clearly she hadn't been quite as well. She earned a warning glance from her teacher and sunk in her chair as Yunho shook with silent laughter.

After the class was over, Hongjoong made his way to Seohyun.

"Is Jiwoo here?" He asked.

"Again, no. Why are you so interested in her?" Seohyun folded her arms and Hongjoong snatched Seonghwa's seat from his spot, sitting near her and placing a book on her desk.

"This is last year's yearbook. We have some photos from an event, and I want you to tell me if you spot Jiwoo."

Seohyun raised her eyebrows. Jiwoo- she could have been a student here?

She supposed it was possible. San turned too, muttering how he can recognize her too, and they flipped the pages, checking each one carefully until finally San pointed at a person and looked at Seohyun, who had paled.

"That's... Jiwoo. How did you know, Hongjoong?"

"I guessed when you told me her name. San told me how she had died of an accident and had amnesia, and I could remember hearing something about a senior here who had died in a car crash. So I put 2 and 2 together and here we are."

"But, this doesn't help much, right? We only know that she was a student here. What's this got to do with how she died, and why she is still here?"

"There were rumours circulating her death," Hongjoong sat back, "Her father was a prisoner falsely accused of some crimes, and she was trying to get justice. I talked to some of my senior friends, who had been her classmates, and they told me that she had started receiving some threats."

"And they must have given all this information to the police too?"

"Yes," Hongjoong nodded, "Now you know her identity. You can talk to her friends, go to her home, and finally help her move on."

San felt his heart sink as he looked at Seohyun. They both were thinking the same thing. Seohyun had grown very attached to her and she did not want to do this. She gulped, and nodded slowly.

"Of course. I guess I should thank you..." As the words left Seohyun's mouth, Hongjoong heard something bitter in her tone.

"Did I do something wrong?" Hongjoong asked, and Seohyun didn't reply, only shook her head no, and San shushed Hongjoong, mouthing that he'd explain later. Seohyun got up abruptly, her bag falling off from the chair. But she didn't hear it. She couldn't see anything, couldn't hear anything.

"I need some air," she muttered and rushed out of the classroom, leaving the boys staring.

"Shit," San clicked his tongue, "You did the right thing, Hongjoong, but you have to understand. Jiwoo is her friend. A sister to her. If she moves on... I should go after her."

"Are you sure I did the right thing?" Hongjoong asked him as he gave him space to move. San nodded and went after Seohyun.

"It looks like there's more to the story than she lets on," Yeosang commented. Hongjoong only looked at the door. It did seem like it.

San ran around the 1st floor where their class was, then went downstairs, hoping she was somewhere here. After checking the empty rooms, he went outside, towards the lawn, and found a figure sitting near a tree, staring in the space. He narrowed his eyes, then spotted the cat wandering around her, and his shoulders sank in relief.

He wasn't sure if he was the right person to be there. Surely Seonghwa could comfort her better. Or Yunho. But he was the only one other than Seohyun who would miss Jiwoo. He could relate to her, somewhat. So he decided to sit down beside her.

As he did so, he realized she was shaking. San looked at her worried. "Seohyun? Are you alright?"

Seohyun couldn't breathe. She was having some sort of an attack, like the ones she had about two years ago. She heard San alright, but she was afraid if she spoke, she'd cry.

"Here, have some water," San uncapped the bottle and closed her hand around it, and she managed a sip then handed it back to San.

"This is about Jiwoo, right? She's your friend, and you don't want to let go of her. I understand, Seohyun."

Seohyun sighed, fisting her hands. It wasn't just about her. It was the flood of memories that had come crashing without a warning when she thought of Jiwoo disappearing.

San put his hand on hers, caressing it, hoping it would give her some sort of comfort. He looked at her. All her walls, her strong walls she put around her were breaking down. Her lips were parted and wobbling. She looked like she might cry any second.

"You want to talk about it?" he whispered, and she sighed, nodding, taking deep breaths. She wouldn't cry. Not right now.

"You know it. I have grown attached to Jiwoo. Hell, she practically lives with me. I shouldn't have allowed this in the first place. I knew she was going to move on someday, yet I grew emotionally attached to her. I'm so weak."

"You're strong because you helped her too. She had no memories. How do you think she would have felt if not for you? She couldn't even go to her family or friends. You became that for her."

"I know," Seohyun bit her lip. "It's not just that. It's... I- I had someone. Like her. He and I... We were close. And one day, he was gone-" She bit her lip again, taking a deep breath.

"It's okay. You had no one then, right? You have us now. You have more friends than you could have ever thought of. You're so brave, Seohyun," San said, putting an arm around her shoulder, rubbing her back as he smiled. "You're one of the strongest people I know. We're both going to miss Jiwoo, but we have to help her move on. You don't want her to stay here too long now, do you?

Seohyun shook her head. San smiled again as she looked at him, making her smile a bit too. "There. We'll send her off with a celebration, okay? No more sadness. Okay?"

"Okay," Seohyun smiled. She could do that.

"Let's get back to class," San said, getting up first then helping her up. She dusted off her clothes and they walked in comfortable silence back, though San had to admit he felt weird. His heart... wasn't acting right.

Hongjoong casted a cautious glance at Seohyun as she entered, but she passed a little smile as she settled. Yeosang looked curiously at her, and she made a face.

"Is something bothering you?" Yeosang finally asked. He watched as Seohyun sighed. Sometimes it felt to him like she was carrying the weight of the whole world on her shoulders. Like she would bend under the pressure.

But she was strong too. She passed a little smile and said, "Yes. I'll talk about it later."

Yeosang just nodded, watching her curiously as she stared at her notebook. And then she sat back in her seat, staring at San.

---------------

"You're telling me that I was a student here? That this is a big, big 'coincidence' that you had to transfer, of all the schools in the city, right here?"

"For the hundredth time, Jiwoo, yes. I know you think I transferred here on purpose, that I somehow found about your life and didn't tell you, but believe me, this is a big, big coincidence." Seohyun replied, looking at San for help.

San shrugged, saying, "The way you're always hanging around Seohyun, when do you think she even had the time to plot this?"

Seohyun clapped her hand, smiling approvingly at San. "See? I told you he isn't that dumb. That is a great point, San." She watched as San shook his head, the faintest trace of smile on his lips.

The three of them- with the cat, of course, had this meeting in the same park that Seohyun and San had once teleported in. It had took a few days for Seohyun to finally settle with the fact that yes, Jiwoo was going to move on. But it won't be like before.

Seohyun found herself thinking of that time. The piano. His slender fingers gracefully playing music. His hands guiding hers across the keys. His contagious laugh. His deep eyes, covered by dark tendrils of hair-

"Earth to Seohyun?" Jiwoo was clapping in front of Seohyun now and she blinked. She cast a quick glance at San, who was watching her more confused than curious.

"Yeah. I'm back. What are you planning?"

"I suggested we show her the photo. She might recognize some people from the photo." San said.

"Also, I walked around the school building a few times, and it did feel familiar. I thought it was just because it was a school and schools are, you know, pretty much built the same. But I would have the strongest of headaches when I walked there," Jiwoo admitted.

"A ghost having headaches? Here's something to tell Yunho," Seohyun thought out aloud, "Though one might think that death would relieve you of all worldly headaches..."

"It's probably because of my amnesia. But yeah, San's right. I'll have a look at the photo. I'll come to school tomorrow."

----------

"Wow, that's me," Jiwoo gasped.

"Of course it's you," Seohyun muttered. Jiwoo ignored her and continued to stare at her picture. Seohyun cast a look at the boys. They were watching the book flip pages on its own, their mouths slightly open in surprise.

"She can hear us, right?" Wooyoung asked Seohyun, who wanted to make fun of Wooyoung but wasn't quite in the mood. She was more busy thinking if Jiwoo would indeed remember something.

"Come closer, Jongho. We're still in class, no one should see the book moving on its own," Mingi motioned with his hand.

"No one is looking unless you start acting weird," Yeosang commented.

"I'm having the worst headache right now. Is this normal?" Jiwoo asked.

"You're a ghost, unnie. Nothing's normal about you."

Jiwoo tsk-ed at her and then looked at Hongjoong. "He should know something about where exactly I died. If it was an accident, I might be able to remember something."

"Not sure if that would work," Seohyun's mood was very gloomy. San shook his head at her, and she sighed before asking Hongjoong if he knew something about where she had died.

Hongjoong, to Seohyun's dismay, said he'd find out in a minute. It looked like he texted one of his friends, and while they were waiting for an answer, San told the boys what was happening just so they would stop asking after each second.

Seohyun caught Hongjoong glancing at her, as if trying to convey a message. Seohyun understood and casually checked her phone, indeed finding a text from Hongjoong, which read:

There's a possibility that her death might not have been an accident

Seohyun frowned. Was she murdered? Or did she commit suicide? She felt as if it would hurt Jiwoo no matter the answer.

What do you mean?

Hongjoong replied:

I'll tell you later.

With that, Hongjoong told Seohyun out loud that his friend would have to ask around for the address, and that settled it. Jiwoo announced that she was gonna roam around the school again, and maybe that would make her remember something too. She asked San to remind Hongjoong to find out her home address too. That would certainly spark a bulb, if nothing else.

As soon as Jiwoo walked out of their classroom, Hongjoong brought everyone closer. "My friend gave me the address. It's near a restaurant here."

"Why didn't you tell Jiwoo?" San asked.

"When Jiwoo passed away, her friends were told that it was an accident. But according to my sources, they say she was out with some of her friends. They had somehow gotten in an argument, causing her to flee and accidentally crash with a car."

"So it is an accident, right?" Seonghwa asked.

"That's the thing. Some people say that one of them pushed her in front of the traffic, and that they are all covering it up. We have got to find out what happened. Before we tell Jiwoo."

Seohyun pursed her lips. This is not how she thought it would have turned out. Sure, most of the ghosts she dealt with had usually been murdered. But that didn't make hearing any of this easier.

"Alright, we will find out. We need to distract Jiwoo. San, you'll help me out, right?"

"Of course," San said, sitting straighter. Seohyun laid out their plan; they were gonna divide into two. San, Wooyoung, Yeosang and Jongho would lead Jiwoo to a false address, somewhere far from where the rest of them were going to go and actually investigate what really happened. If she had died in a car crash, however that happened, the people around would remember and would be able to recall the incident.

After school, they told Jiwoo that she would go with San to check if that was the right place, since Hongjoong's source could be 'unreliable'. Meanwhile the rest of them were going to find out her home address by asking around. Jiwoo didn't suspect them thankfully, and gladly went along with them.

"I have the home address too," Hongjoong said, "It's on the way to the restaurant. We should pass by there too."

"Yeah," Seohyun muttered. "Do you think I should talk to her family too?"

"I think you should, but after we visit the restaurant. That would certainly give us more information. because all you have now is nothing about the real Jiwoo."

"Point." Seohyun thought it was kind of ironic. She knew nothing about how Jiwoo would have been when alive. The thought of it made her heart twist with pain.

As they walked to the site, Seohyun was so lost in thought that she didn't see the rest of them exchange nervous glances. They all realized that Jiwoo had been her only friend for a good while. And they could definitely see how difficult it was for Seohyun to let her go.

"Can I ask you something?" Seonghwa finally said.

"Whenever someone asks me if they can ask me something, it's usually going to be something about my personal life. Go ahead, shoot."

Seonghwa shook his head. "How many ghosts friends did you have to let go of?"

Seohyun stopped in her tracks. It took her a second before she started walking again. "That is a very good question, Seonghwa."

Mingi and Yunho exchanged looks. They knew she always made remarks like these when trying to avoid something. "Jiwoo has been your friend for a few months. It must be hard for you."

"It is, actually," Seohyun admitted. "And most of my friends, sadly, have been ghosts. They're a better company. I sharpen my dark humor on them. I make a lot of dead jokes, if you haven't noticed that already."

"I did," Mingi raised his hand, smiling sheepishly. "Knowing you can actually see ghosts makes them more funnier."

"I know," Seohyun smiled back.

They finally reached the restaurant. It was a traditional one, with tables set outside as well as inside. Potted plants made for most of the décor, a stark contrast to the mauve and white theme, and the scent of spices filled the air.

Seohyun's eyes traced what could have been a possible path; Jiwoo walking out of the door, a car speeding forward-

"How do you suppose we're gonna find some information? We can't just go and ask them to show us the CCTV footage or something," Yunho said, looking pointedly at the camera.

"We won't have to," Hongjoong said, "We just have to make up a good story. Come on, we're eating something from here."

"Really, Hongjoong? Do you think we have the time?" Seohyun asked.

"Trust me. Come on," Hongjoong said, not waiting for them and walking inside. They seated themselves in the corner, and a waiter came to take their order. After ordering some barbeque, Hongjoong told them that he was going to ask for water while they would be in the middle of eating, and they would start talking about the incident. When the waiter comes, he would hear them talk about it, and provide his comments on the topic without asking.

"If I was the waiter, I'd kick you out," Seohyun said, sitting back and folding her arms, making the rest of them snicker.

"This works every time," Hongjoong said, his eyes glinting with challenge, as he mirrored Seohyun's pose.

"And what if he doesn't talk?" Seohyun asked.

"In that case, I have a backup plan. I don't come unprepared." Hongjoong said, and Seohyun rolled her eyes, looking at Yunho who was sitting beside her.

"Is he always this confident about himself?" She asked.

"When he's sure, yes," Yunho nodded.

"Don't tell me he's a secret investigator or detective or something," Seohyun muttered.

"I could make some similar assumptions about you," Hongjoong muttered back.

"Shut up, blueberry."

"You should, you old-"

"Just because I have grey hair doesn't mean I'm old-"

"Stop it, you both," Seonghwa laughed. Hongjoong pouted. "But do you dye your hair?"

"Yeah. Some years ago I went blonde. Now I prefer the more... dead tones, if you will," Seohyun said, and Mingi grinned. "How's the drum learning going, Mingi?"

"Ah," Mingi sighed, "I still make do with boxes and plates. I think I could do a good freestyle if I had an actual drum set."

"I used to air drum all the time. You should drum along to some songs you like. Really helps."

"I'll try that," he smiled.

"When do you think you're showing us your music room?" Hongjoong asked.

"Not anytime soon," Seohyun said. Before Hongjoong could ask something, they saw the waiter come with their food. Hongjoong muttered ''play along' and started speaking.

"I've been wanting to try this place for a while now. But I heard there was some sort of accident here, so I couldn't come." Hongjoong widened his eyes in signal and Yunho began, "Oh I've tried, and I'll tell you, it's really good."

The waiter set their food, and Seohyun watched Hongjoong and Yunho go on about the restaurant, slightly amused. As soon as the waiter went, Hongjoong frowned at them.

"The three of you could have said something."

"This seemed more natural," Seohyun said. "Two guys raving about food. Nothing suspicious about that."

After a few bites of the amazingly juicy barbeque beef, Mingi asked for water. Hongjoong cleared his throat.

"I heard a girl died somewhere around here. They're saying it could be murder. People these days!"

"I'll tell you, sir," the waiter, a middle aged man with wrinkles around his eyes began, surprising Seohyun, "it was an accident. A bunch of students. The usual crowd. Had an argument and the girl went out in a rush- nobody followed. A few seconds later, we heard a horrible sound and screams. The people out there witnessed it."

"But why would people say she was pushed?" Seonghwa asked.

"People make all sorts of stories, girl," the man said, shaking his head in disapproval. "I was inside. I know none of the friends went after her. The crowd outside was too absorbed with their food. Nobody saw anything until the crash happened."

"Ah.. I see. So I guess since this was an accident, the matter cleared up quickly? With the police and all?"

"Of course," the man said, "they saw the footage. Nobody pushed her. A pity that people had to spread rumors like that. Didn't help us. Nobody came here for days."

"I'm sorry that happened," Yunho said, and Seohyun felt that he actually meant it. "I hope more people are coming here now, for the food."

"Oh we're getting back now. Enjoy," the man smiled at them and went away. They all looked at each other.

"So it's an accident. But this doesn't make sense," Seohyun said, "if she died because of her own mistake, why is she still hanging around?"

"Unfinished business?" Mingi suggested.

"Usually happens when someone is killed, but yeah. She must have made it to the hospital and lost her memories during treatment. That must mean she's holding a grudge, or actually has something so important to do that despite her memories being lost, somehow she stuck to this world."

"That makes sense," Yunho said.

They finished the food lost in thoughts, and decided that is that was the case, it was wiser to not talk to her family. She could be holding a grudge against them too.

Though they now knew how Jiwoo had died, and they were one step closer to sorting this all out, Seohyun felt dread creeping upon her.

-------------

"I can't believe you sent me to the wrong address!" Jiwoo exclaimed.

"It wasn't on purpose! Hongjoong's friend confused you with someone else. It seems like he deals with this kind of stuff often," Seohyun was nodding her head along, as if that could convince Jiwoo. "And anyway, at least it wasn't all a waste. We're going to the place where you died, are you sure you're ready?"

"Born ready," Jiwoo said, pumping her fist in the air.

"Born ready but-"

"Don't, Seohyun, just don't" San cut her off, shaking his head. Jiwoo laughed. Seohyun pouted but stopped.

The three of them were going to the place where Jiwoo had her accident. It was only yesterday that Seohyun had come with Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yunho and Mingi, and had falsely led Jiwoo to someplace else with the rest of the boys. Now, upon constant insistence of Jiwoo, the two of them decided they'd better take her.

It wasn't because Jiwoo threatened to summon a bunch of revengeful ghosts. Nope. It certainly hadn't been that.

"We're close now," San said, pointing ahead, "It's right across the road. You should start looking on your own now. Without distractions."

"Don't look at me, San," Seohyun muttered.

"You're right. You both can... wait for me here. I'll see if it rocks a memory," Jiwoo said, and went ahead, leaving the two of them watching her go.

"Do you think we should be there for her?" Seohyun finally asked, "The memories might be painful."

"I think she should just walk down memory lane. We'd only distract her. Going on her own is sure to bring back some memories."

"I still wonder what made her stay," Seohyun said, and San looked at her. It was one of those moments when she was not wearing a filter. San felt like he was intruding- it was rare to see her so... present. There.

"Have you dealt with many murder cases? Or suicide ones?" San finally asked.

"You think it's one of the two?" She asked.

"I think it could be something simple. I know if I died today, the only reason I'd hang here would be to say a final goodbye. That is, if I die suddenly."

"Believe it or not, those are the hardest," Seohyun turned towards San, "With other cases, it's usually finding justice, or personal satisfaction. But goodbyes are difficult. I wouldn't want that for anyone. It's harder for those who are living."

San narrowed his eyes at her for the briefest moment. It felt like sometimes she meant more with what she spoke. Like there was a backstory he did not know.

"It looks like you've had some experience with that," San asked cautiously. Seohyun bit her lip and he saw the slightest of tremble in her hand before she closed them in a fist. She was suddenly reminded of San's hand on hers comforting her.

"You're right, actually," Seohyun finally said, surprising San, "I'll tell you. I need to move on too."

"You don't have to," San assured, but she shook her head.

"His name was Joon Hyuk. It was two years ago. He and I used to go to the same music academy. We were only friends then, not close, until he passed away suddenly. He had a heart problem."

"I'm sorry to hear that," San said. He truly was. He couldn't imagine how he'd cope if one of his friends met the same fate.

"I was shook, but that wasn't the end of the story. He was hanging on because he wanted to say goodbye to his family. It took him a few days, and I helped him come to terms with his death. That's when we grew close. I used to be home alone, and we'd just sit in the music room and talk all night. He told me all about his life. I told him about mine. He taught me to play the piano." Seohyun shivered a bit but continued. "He said his goodbye, but he still didn't move on."

"Does that usually happen?" San asked.

"No. It was because he found something to stay for. Me."

The breeze made San shiver too as it settled in. His heart twisted with emotions he couldn't recognize. He wanted to comfort Seohyun somehow, but he stood frozen.

"Ironic, isn't it? He found something to live for when he had already died." Seohyun's lips quivered. She stared at the light bulb near her, hoping it would force back her incoming tears. This wasn't the time to cry. She looked at San and smiled, "I knew it was wrong. But I was so alone. I craved friendship. I craved love. And I got it for a while. It was short. He started to change. You remember the old man?"

San nodded. The man because of whom he could now see ghosts too.

"It's like the process sped up. He started to become bitter. It would come and go. When he was sane, I finally told him to move on before he became- that, before I had to force myself to send him away. And he did. Without a goodbye this time. I guess that was the only way he could manage it."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Seohyun. I-"

San wanted to say so much but they heard a scream which was unmistakably Jiwoo's, and with a look at each other, they rushed to the source of the sound. They found Jiwoo clutching at her head, down on the ground

Seohyun rushed to her, sitting down and hugging her, muttering comforting stuff that San couldn't make out. He just stood and provided cover, hoping no one would notice Seohyun hugging the air.

It took a few seconds for Jiwoo to calm down, and when she did, she sighed loudly, looking at the sun.

"It's coming back," she announced. "I remember how I died. My own fault. How dumb is that?" She laughed.

"Glad to see you're back in your spirits," San scoffed.

"You, boy, have been making unintentional puns," Jiwoo scoffed back, making Seohyun grin.

"So how much do you remember?"

"It's coming back. You guys should go your own way. I'll just wait for it to come back. I think I know where to go too. I remember my home. I think- I think I know why I'm here too."

Seohyun and San shared a look. "You wanna tell us?"

"I gotta check something first," Jiwoo said, getting up and helping Seohyun up too. "Off you go."

"Weirdo," Seohyun muttered and Jiwoo just waved at her before she started walking. Seohyun was resting her hands on her hips, tapping her jeans, watching her go with a frown.

"IF YOU MOVE ON WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE I'LL HUNT YOU EVEN IN THE AFTERLIFE OR WHEREVER IS IT THAT YOU GHOSTS GO!" Seohyun shouted at Jiwoo, startling San and the couple walking past.

"YOU BETTER HOLD A FREAKING FAREWELL PARTY THEN!" Jiwoo shouted back. Before Seohyun could retort, San took her by the arm and dragged her in the opposite direction, laughing and telling her she should stop before the whole neighbourhood comes out.

"I'll walk you home," San said. He wasn't sure if now was the time to leave Seohyun alone.

"If you insist," Seohyun said, and they walked in silence. San wanted to say something about how she had been wise to send Joon Hyuk off, something to comfort her, but he couldn't find the words. He was sure Seohyun would be too busy thinking about Jiwoo. He decided he'd walk in silence and let her sort her thoughts.

When they finally reached her home, Seohyun looked at San. "You wanna stop for some coffee? Maybe a snack?"

"Oh no, don't bother," San waved her off.

"I have chocolate chip cookies," Seohyun wiggled her eyebrows.

"That's not fair. Lead the way," he said, and Seohyun smiled in victory, letting him in.

Though the house looked plain from the outside, it wasn't such inside. It was well decorated, the brown and white reflecting the walls and the floor, and had an overall homey feel. Plus, it was quite spacious. No wonder she had a music room here.

San sat on the table in the kitchen, looking around while Seohyun made two cups of coffee. The refrigerator had fruit magnets with various lists sticking. Grocery, things to do. Doodles. San smiled. It really did look like Seohyun lived here. His eyes fell on her figure as she rocked back and forth, mixing the coffee. Her hair created quite a contrast with her navy blue shirt. The soft grey hair looked fluffy.

Seohyun turned around, catching San staring at her, and he shifted in his seat as Seohyun set the two cups and the cookies. San took one and bit into it.

"Oomph, that's delicious."

"Thank you. I made them."

"No way!" San was genuinely surprised. "I didn't know you liked baking."

"I like making food," Seohyun admitted, sipping the coffee.

"That sounds so mundane now," San laughed.

"What do you think I did at home? Made talismans?" Seohyun scoffed and San almost choked on his coffee.

"You surprise me everyday, Seohyun. We must look quite boring to you," San said.

"Well," Seohyun munched on the cookie, "You aren't boring. None of you are, actually. Why don't you tell me something I don't know about you then?"

"Well," San imitated Seohyun now, "I collect plushies. And I know taekwondo."

"That's... interesting. Taekwondo and plushies. Wow," Seohyun laughed. "Poor Shiber, I guess."

"HEY!" San frowned. "Your turn."

"I didn't realize we were taking turns?" Seohyun raised her brow but thought about it. "My favourite colour is blue."

"Mine's purple," San said. "I hate vegetables."

"Hard not to notice," Seohyun commented, biting into the cookie and thinking. "I want to be a musician."

"Cool. You can compose for us," San smiled and Seohyun smiled back mockingly.

A thought struck her. "Wanna see the music room?"

San raised his brows. "Can I?"

"If you want to?" Seohyun shrugged. "It's okay. That room needs air anyway."

"Alright then," San finished his coffee. Seohyun got up, her heart thumping. She was right. It was about time she opened that room for someone else. About time she let go too.

"Here we are," she said and fished out keys from her pocket (San thought she must carry them everywhere) and opened the room, turning on the light

It was gorgeous, San thought. A piano in the corner, a drum set in the other, couches as they entered, three different guitars hanging by the wall, a violin case resting on the table. The dim white lights made everything seem a bit eerie, but it smelled like roses, and indeed San noticed a scented candle on the table. It felt like a room full of memories.

"I do come in every now and then, but I don't really play anymore." Seohyun looked around.

"Can I see them?" San asked, and Seohyun nodded.

Seohyun watched as San examined the guitars then walked to the piano, running his fingers on the keys and making some sounds, then off to the drum set.

"I'd pay to see you play," he grinned.

"Oh you won't have to. I'll do that for free one day," Seohyun smiled.

"So you don't play anything anymore?"

"Just the violin sometimes. Or drums when I'm angry."

"Can I hear the violin?" San asked and Seohyun looked at him.

"Pretty please?" He made puppy eyes and Seohyun scoffed. "Now how do I reject that?"

Seohyun opened the violin case, saying something about how it's gonna be short. While she tested the strings and the bow, San sat on the piano stool nearby. Seohyun flipped her hair back and inhaled.

And then she played a tune so melodic, a tune so haunting that San wasn't sure if seconds had passed or minutes. He only saw her face, etched with the most emotions he'd seen on a single person. It was as if she was telling him a secret, baring her soul to him, and he just couldn't decipher it.

When she did stop, San felt short of breath. He just stared at her in awe and she came closer, already having put the violin back. "How was it?"

"That was... breathtakingly beautiful. You were amazing," San said and immediately felt like he should have said something more.

But she seemed to understand. "Thank you," she said. She was leaning against the piano. San got up and came closer.

"Thank you, Seohyun," he said, touching the tendrils of hair that fell on her shoulder, "For everything."

"I- I've done nothing," she almost whispered. San locked eyes with her, still playing with her hair, now his thumb caressing the soft skin of her cheek.

Seohyun stared back at the dark orbs, his gaze so sharp that a part of her wanted to run away but the other part wanted to never look away. San blinked once, then slowly, painfully slowly brought his face closer and kissed her cheek lightly, leaving her out of breath.

Thank you for playing for me," San said, "I'll never forget it."

And then he drew back, and Seohyun came out of the trance.

"If you sugar coat it so much I'll never bring you here again," Seohyun was smiling.

"Nah. Now I'll wait for the day you're angry," San winked, pointing at the drums. "I should give pointers to Mingi."

"HEY!"

prev - next

[fckaugust]

actually ✍ ( ignore the other one, i'm indecisive )

✍: for what my muse has written about yours in their diary.

disclaimer: this is all hypothetical, of course ! also, all spelling errors he inevitably would’ve made have been corrected with the exception of jake gyllenhaal’s name.

november 17th, 2010:

today that nice guy mx took me to meet a couple people he’s friends with. they were all pretty cool i guess, but it was kinda weird because apparently a lot of them knew i ‘replaced’ this guy named eddie. maybe i’ll try to meet him. anyway, one of them was named syrelle (i think) and i think she was my favorite. she was really nice and honestly very pretty too!

november 18th, 2010:

update: it’s spelled cyrelle. with a c.

november 22nd, 2010:

cyrelle learned i was born (and partially bred, you know my story! you’re me!) in west virginia and had me watch this movie called ‘october sky.’ she was talking the whole time so i don’t really know what it was about, but that’s okay. i think i liked that better than just the general concept of watching a movie in the first place. she’s really smart. like... really smart. i also didn’t really know what she was talking about because she’s so smart, but i still liked it a whole lot. she gave me a copy of the dvd. i looked it up to see if it seemed like i should watch it without cyrelle. apparently it’s a combo of our worlds, if you will: west virginia and space. and jake gylenhal jake gyllinhall jake gillenhall jake gyllenhall (sp?).

january 4th, 2011:

so apparently cyrelle’s mom’s some kind of famous actress? i don’t know. there seems to be a lot of weird judgment going on about her family which... i don’t get? everyone has weird family things going on. unless she’s part of the manson family (and i don’t think they were actually related or really a family... right? also wasn’t that in the 60s? rip sharon tate), WHO CARES ABOUT LOCAL DRAMA?!?!?!

july 18th, 2013:

so ‘the conjuring’ is coming out tomorrow. i think i might try to actually ask cyrelle to hang out - like, go to the movies with me, that kind of hang out. the one you see in movies. 

july 21st, 2013:

ignore july 18th, re cyrelle. i didn’t send the text and i don’t think i will. i’m gonna be that guy who says he’s in the ‘friendzone,’ ew. i hope someone punches me if i ever say that or call myself a ‘nice guy’. or wear a fedora. so anyway, [ stuff about other people ].

september 20th, 2014:

i was so worried cyrelle and [insert various other names] were in there. i hate that i was thinking about all of them and i still couldn’t just... go in. i was so close. and now nina’s dead because i’m a damn coward. and george is dead because i didn’t do a damn thing even though i was so fucking close to it. all it took were five goddamn steps. and i just kept thinking... you selfish idiot. if you go in, you’re a selfish idiot because you just wanna be a big damn hero. if you stay here, you’re a selfish idiot because you’ll let your friends burn to a crisp. i’m really glad cyrelle and [the other names] weren’t there. rachel was though, and now she might be blind. we’re not close enough for me to know all the details yet, but i know it’s not... good. and jesse’s face is all disfigured which is unfair because he actually saved people. at least i finally have proof that karma doesn’t exist. 

november 28th, 2014:

i wonder how everyone else is doing... i wonder if they even wanna talk about it. i wonder if cyrelle is okay.

july 16th, 2018:

jesse keeps calling me. i don’t know why he hasn’t stopped yet. i know why. so i don’t know why he keeps calling - how he hasn’t gotten the message yet. but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t wonder every now and again how cyrelle’s doing. it’s been hard to keep in touch with most of my old friends, we’re all unreachable for one reason or another. i think the only person still even kind of keeping us together is mx...

october 15th, 2018:

he’s dead. i saw it coming and i didn’t do shit about it. a goddamn idiot. who else am i gonna lose now? and i don’t just mean to substances or a lack of communication. i’ve lost a lot of people that way. but to death. to literal death, probably caused by substances. i’m so fucking scared cyrelle’s gonna be next, but we haven’t talked in so long i shouldn’t just go fucking meddling. there’s no point in pulling a jesse. dean didn’t fucking listen to me about mx, so who the hell’s to say cyrelle would listen to me about herself? and why should she even care? what are we to each other anymore, just acquaintances? it’s so fucking funny how people can leave your life as quickly as they came into it. maybe i’ll be next. it’d be a lot easier that way.

october 29th, 2019:

it’s cyrelle’s birthday today. i don’t think anyone’s having a good one anymore, at least not the people who aren’t coping well. i haven’t had any good ones that i can remember. but i still hope something good happened. maybe neil degrasse tyson finally admitted he was mutually feuding with her? i don’t know. we all have so little time.

march 23rd, 2020:

happy birthday to me. happy birthday to me. happy birthday mr. carpenter. happy birthday to me. i never liked birthdays, i didn’t want people to wish me happy them. but i never actually thought about what it’d be like to not hear it once i started hearing it. cyrelle, mx, nina... it’s weird. it’s odd that only one of those three is still alive. physically.

february 27th, 2021:

i haven’t tried to talk to cyrelle again. she hasn’t tried to talk to me again. i don’t know why i’m still writing about her. consider this my last entry. forever. it’s been real, my sweetest friend.

THE REMIX:

february 28th, 2014:

so many entries are gone. so i guess i’m writing about her again, but now i can write about anyone... because we’re all alive? it’s kinda tragic, isn’t it? we talked. it really was like it was 2014 again, but before all the bullshit happened. i don’t know which is more tragic: having to face up to all the dead people who don’t know they died and will probably die again, or having to face up to all the lost friends and recognize that so much time has passed but so little has too. i don’t wanna miss it this time around -- this might be the only good part of being 22 again. but i also don’t want to sacrifice our second chance. but even if i do... what will it matter in the long run? it’s just gonna repeat itself. why get my hopes up for anything different?

[romanovanoff]

bio says black widow stories but i do like to dabble with other characters too. ill have a full list on another post.

YOU & I

A Bellatrix & Tom Riddle story

part one

characters:

bellatrix black

tom riddle

narcissa black

andromeda black

druella black

rodolphus lestrange

rabastan lestrange

(tba)

relationships:

bella/tom

narcissa/lucius

andromeda/ted

(tba)

summary: tom is the new kid in school and is already popular amongst his peers. his goal is to have bellatrix black by his side when he conquers the wizarding world, and his only problem? bella is already in an arranged marriage and also wants nothing to do with him.

disclaimer: i have never read the books, and ive seen all the movies only like twice. im not a crazy fanatic potterhead, i just have an unhealthy obsession for bellatrix/helena bonham carter 😌. so apologies in advance if i make any mistakes, regarding whats canon in the harry potter universe and so on. the little things, the big things, my bad. i hope the fact that its mostly au makes up for what it lacks in accuracy.

word count: 3497

——————————

"I overheard earlier today that Hogwarts received a new student," Druella spoke as she took a sip of tea, delicately patting a napkin across her lips before gazing over at her three daughters. Bellatrix, who didn't seem interested at all in the conversation, Andromeda, who was busy scribbling something in her diary, and little Narcissa who was following along to her mother's words.

"Yes, it's true," The blonde girl, thirteen years old, responded. "I thought it strange at first but apparently he and his family were living somewhere in Europe. Tom Riddle, I think his name is. He'd been taught at home and his father had gotten a job at the ministry so they transferred him to Hogwarts."

Ever the gossip, it didn't surprise Bellatrix in the slightest that Cissy knew so much about the new student. She rolled her eyes, wondering why the hell they were even discussing this in the first place. It was just a new student, who cares? She voiced this several times out loud but had received the usual disapproving glances from the two blondes. It creeped the raven-haired witch sometimes at how much Cissy resembled their mother.

Letting out a sigh Bella swirled her spoon around in her teacup, not finding the appetite to drink nor eat the sweets that accompanied her tea. The three of them were currently in Rosa Lee's teashop, a place they often went to every other week, with permission to leave the school of course- though she didn’t ask for it most times. Usually Bellatrix would devour the treats but today she was feeling too anxious to do anything but. At seventeen years old she had stretched out her days of freedom and was now forced into a marriage that should have taken place two years ago.

The thought of marriage wasn't all that bad, if she was being honest. Sometimes when her thoughts and actions weren't clouded with hate and rage she'd daydream a not so near future of a perfect wedding. A wedding where she would be marrying someone she truly loved and could cherish, to honor their vows to the fullest extent. So the wedding itself wasn't the problem, it was who she was supposed to be wed to that was. Her long time childhood friend, Rodolphus Lestrange. And one of the very few in the sacred 28 that wasn't related to the Blacks by blood. At least that she was aware of… The thought still made her cringe, even after checking every family tapestry available and an exhausting amount of research.

Everyone wanted her to be happy about the fact she'd get to marry someone she's known for years, something most pure-bloods didn't have the honor of having, but it was the fact she knew him so well that she hated. He was like a brother to her, albeit at times an annoying and even sexist brother. He wasn't husband material and she was most certainly not wife material for him. And add to the fact that they'd be pressured to have children immediately after becoming man and wife, the thought of having sex with him made her want to gag. You'd think they'd notice that such a practice was incredibly outdated. She hated to wonder if the marriage had taken place two years ago, would they really pressure two 15 year olds to consumate? Fuck this life.

She felt like the world and everyone in it was against her. All her complaints had been shot down, leaving her inwardly seething with rage before being left totally subdued. Oh, how she hated being so… powerless, left without a voice, without a right to do what she wanted and to do so as she pleased, the ever present shadow looming over her shoulder that was the society and family she was born into.

Letting out a sigh she looked over at Andromeda who was still scribbling in that damn book. Probably instant messaging her friends, something Bellatrix didn't have the luxury of having. At least genuine ones anyway. The ones she had in school were merely vultures following around, waiting for the opportunity to eat away at the scraps she bared. They didn't hesitate to use her to their advantage, trying to play her like a fool. Idiots, they should've known she was the brightest witch of her age for a reason. And no one took advantage of Bellatrix Black.

Despite still being superior she continued feeling a bitter pang in her heart, knowing no one truly cared for her there. Well, maybe except for her sisters, Rodolphus and his brother that is.

Catching her eyes on what she was doing Andromeda quickly closed her book and narrowed her eyes at her eldest sister. But then a familiar smirk curled the girls lips and Bellatrix knew what was going to happen before her sister could even utter a word. She knew that smirk anywhere. Bella herself wore that smirk on several occasions, actually even taught it to her dear sister! If only mother knew how truly naughty Andy was, maybe then the heat wouldn't fall upon Bella so heavily when she did something that displeased her.

"Mother," Andromeda chimed in, interrupting Cissy's conversation with the older woman. "Bellatrix is right. Why not talk about something else."

"Andy…" The dark haired witch warned, fingers clenched around her spoon.

"Like… Bella's wedding perhaps? Surely there are plenty of plans to discuss. Some of which I'm sure my dear sister here is needed for?" The brunette suggested 'innocently', smiling back at Bellatrix before looking at her mother.

Druella blinked once, then twice before she brightened up. Damnit, Andy, Bella thought to herself angrily, glaring daggers at her younger sister. "You're right! We only have a short few weeks before the big day and still so much to do. How about we end this little meal early and say we go to one of the boutiques nearby, check up on your wedding dress," Druella said as she rose from her seat.

And so that's what they did. They went to the boutique, checked the incredibly old fashioned dress, with what looked like the most painfully looking corset yet stitched into the fabric. After, they stopped by a few other shops to double check things were in order for the wedding before finally apparating home. The entire time Bellatrix had trudged along reluctantly behind her sisters and mother, offering a few weak comments and opinions for this thing and that when asked of her.

She was glad to finally be back home, finding relief in the knowledge that tomorrow morning she'd be returning back to Hogwarts, having spent the weekend with her family. On one hand she was glad she managed to extend the wedding date, convincing her parents that it might be wise that she finish her last year and take her N.E.W.T.s before focusing on 'wifely duties'. Yes, that was how she phrased it. And yes, they'd taken the bait, obviously wanting their daughter to focus on her marriage once out of school, and not caring about the intelligence hidden behind her usual mask of indifference.

She made short work separating from her family's side to make her way upstairs to her room. And then made even shorter work getting ready for bed. No one ever bothered her when she was up the stairs and hidden away. It was known to all that Bellatrix Black inherited the 'mad' gene in the family, more prone to violent outbursts and destructive tantrums. Because of this her room wasn't the prettiest, constantly being repaired and sparse so there were less objects to break. The room was also constantly being placed under a silencing charm, quieting her screams so the rest of the household could sleep peacefully. How thoughtful of them, she thought to herself bitterly.

The sun was already down by the time she emerged from the bathroom, all scrubbed up and her hair wet, the many strands in ringlets falling down her back. With her wand, she casted a quick-drying spell to both her body and hair, not bothering with any sleeping robes as she climbed into bed. Once in she blew out the candles before getting comfortable under the covers. Usually, it would be too early to go to sleep, and she'd have at least a glass or two of firewhiskey to help her doze off but she felt the whole unexpected wedding planning this afternoon was enough to do her in. Not only that but she did need to wake up early to catch the train back to Hogwarts tomorrow. So without much further thought she closed her heavy eyes and fell asleep, hoping things could be much easier in the future.

THE HOGWARTS EXPRESS

"Tom Riddle is in our class."

"I heard Tom's family is incredibly wealthy and direct descendants to Salazar Slytherin."

"It's true! I overheard him talking to snakes! Snakes!"

The whispers and excited talk continued on and on the moment Bellatrix stepped onto the Hogwarts express. If she thought Cissy talking to mother about this ‘nobody’ annoyed her, she was absolutely wrong. Hearing everyone around her discuss this Riddle boy absolutely drenched her high spirits and put her in one of her dark moods.

No one needed to look twice to know to stay away from the young witch. If dark glaring eyes didn't strike fear into her peers, then the dark energy and aura surrounding her would.

Not wanting to hear the gossip anymore Bella separated from her 'friends' and found a seating compartment for herself, only able to hold two people, but thankfully no one dared claim the other spot. She sat close to the window, forehead touching the glass, and seeming to cool her ever bubbling irritation. Trees and rolling hills passed by in a blur but she wasn't particularly watching, eyes slightly glazed over as she got lost in thought.

So lost in thought she almost didn't notice the sounds of her compartment door being slid open and a person taking a seat across from her. Blinking slowly she looked over to the 'intruder' as the door slid closed once more, leaving the two individuals with some privacy she didn't necessarily want.

The person in front of her was a young man. Probably around her age with dark brown hair, curling neatly at the front. He had bright emerald eyes, warm but she got the hint of something darker underneath, something dangerous hidden beneath the surface and ready to strike unsuspecting prey. Despite that though everything else about him seemed pretty bland. Pale skin- but not as pale as hers-, average build, and put together uniform.

"Who're you?" She found herself asking, swallowing the automatic 'get out' she was originally planning on saying. Given the fact she hasn't seen him before in this school year or any year before that, she was already dreading the answer. She wasn't even sure why she disliked him so much already. Maybe it was the fact he's barely even started school here and yet everyone was already drooling over him. Maybe it was the fact he was well known for things the student body hasn't even had proof of, things he was already praised for. And on her side of things she was well known for her infamous anger and her upcoming marriage to Rodolphus. That or her status of being the firstborn Black daughter. Otherwise known as the current heir of the Black family. Well. That was until her idiot cousin, Sirius was old enough to steal the mantle from her.

So when he said, "Tom. Tom Riddle," She really couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes. Cause of course the person she had no care for was sat in, of all seats, the one in front of her. "Does that name offend you?" He then asked, wearing the same damn smirk he wore the moment she took in his appearance just seconds earlier.

"No," She said in a bored drawl, eyes once again gazing out the window as her head rested against the glass. "Unlike every other idiot out there, I care not for who you are. You're just another ordinary student attending Hogwarts. Nothing special about that," She told him, her tone consistent in telling him of how much she didn't care.

He was quiet for some time. Not too long, but enough to give her pause and wonder if she'd wandered too deep in thought and he'd slipped away. Only a glance his way revealed that, no, he was still here. "I agree," He finally spoke again. "There's nothing special about me at all. And I'm starting to despise the fact people are so interested in me. Took a look at the school Friday and suddenly everyone thinks so highly of me just because it was a private tour by the headmaster himself," He huffed.

It was clear to Bellatrix by the way he spoke, by the way he talked that he was excellent at charming people, manipulating them even if you would use the darker term. Again, she was many things but an idiot was not one of them and she wasn't falling for his 'charms' or tactics any time soon.

"Oh, poor you," She said in a mocking voice, jutting out her bottom lip as she faced him fully. "New kid in school has everyone fawning over him. Such a terrible life you must live, knowing you have everyone in the palm of your hands with just a smile." She finished the sentence off with said smile before turning it into a sneer.

"I won't repeat myself again. I care not for who you are, and I don't wish to know you or anything about you. So if you're going to sit here, then it better be in silence, or so help me merlin I will curse you. Laws be damned," She hissed. Hopefully for the last time she turned away again, feeling her mood lighten just slightly at her first threat of the day.

Usually, other students would run away by now, flee the vicinity in which she occupied, but Tom just sat there, in shock, or because he actually listened to her words. Finding herself curious about which option she chanced another glance but was surprised to see him wearing that annoying little smirk instead. "Cute," He told her, enjoying the way her eyes widened just slightly before darkening with anger. "That threat might work on others but it won't with me."

Her magic was absolutely crackling around her, like static in the air just before an oncoming storm. She was soon to make good on her threat. "Based on your looks, in how you speak, and the way I saw you walk earlier, looking down at everyone as if they were beneath you. I would safely assume you are a… Black. Bellatrix Black? Considering you look to be in the same year as me," He continued, assuming everything correctly. She didn't need to know though that he'd actually done his research prior to moving here, and that he had asked around earlier. "I don't expect you to get along with me from the start, but you will see me around often. I'll personally make sure of that. Cause I like you," He said with a shrug, smirk still in place.

Bold. Oh, so very bold and before Bellatrix could even utter a single word or even grab and raise her wand for that matter, he was already out the door. The space in front of her was once again vacant and she stared at the now unoccupied seat as the door slid closed.

LATER THAT DAY

It was almost impossible for the raven haired witch to avoid hearing or seeing Tom. It was as if everywhere she turned, someone was talking about him or he himself was staring at her from a distance. Usually she would never admit such a thing, her pride too strong, but it greatly unnerved her. Who the hell did he think he was? Claiming he would see her more often because he liked her? “Doesn’t even know me,” She scoffed to herself, annoyed as she continued on the familiar path to her dormitory.

Bellatrix was a slytherin through and through, like every other Black family member before her. There had been no question about it. Well, maybe after. She questioned it alot. The houses, the characteristics and traits. All of it. And once she's put herself in a more outside perspective about it she really couldn't help but laugh at the whole student body, almost all of them adapting and practically absorbing their houses certain traits into their own personality.

Anyway, she was a slytherin, but she couldn't help but wonder if she'd changed her mindset that first day, if her family hadn't been so adamant on which house she went to, would she have been chosen for hufflepuff, perhaps? Maybe gryffindor? Ew, no. Possibly ravenclaw. These thoughts raced past in her mind as she made her way down into the dungeons. There was a little of her in each, she supposed.

"Drommie, Cissy," Bellatrix greeted once she made it into the girls dorm, having already said the password and walked through the shared sitting room. All three Black sisters shared the same room, something Bellatrix and her mother both insisted and agreed upon to the headmaster when first starting school here. It was a protective thing. Bella knew that her sisters weren't like her, lacking in gut and courage. She was sure Andromeda could take care of herself, at times, but if worse came to worse she was more likely to break under pressure and need rescuing from her bigger sister. And little Narcissa, the spoiled brat she was, didn't have a single backbone in her body, choosing instead to flee or hide behind one's robes. Despite those certain qualities though Bellatrix still loved her sisters dearly and simply made it a priority to keep them safe, consequences to herself be damned.

Sure… maybe it was Bella's fault for them needing protection, having spent most of her years reigning terror down upon those who even glance at her, therefore her peers not liking her and taking it out on her sisters instead. But… hey! They looked at her funny, they deserved it!

"Bella why didn't you sit with us on the train," Narcissa asked, looking at her older sister as she sat on her bed.

Bellatrix rolled her eyes and walked past, towards her own bed furthest in the room and by the window. "As if I'd sit and listen to you two and your friends gossiping about the 'new boy'," She said back.

Andromeda turned to her with a quirked brow. "I don't know, by the looks of it you sat just fine with the 'new boy' before you ran him away."

Bellatrix was only able to scoff as a response before Narcissa quickly interrupted, hopping over towards Bellatrix. "You got to talk to Tom Riddle?" She asked excitedly. "How was he like? Was he charming? Did he show you parseltongue?"

"Cissy, please, calm down. He was none of those things. He was very bland… and cocky, and arrogant," Bella responded, the end getting heated with annoyance. Not towards her sister of course.

"Sounds like someone I know," Andromeda spoke up with a pointed look Bella's way.

"Shut up," The dark haired witch shot back. Because of course she couldn't deny it. She was those things sometimes… all the time. "Whatever. Let’s go. It's time for lunch anyway."

(A/N: lets be honest idk how classes work at hogwarts so lets say bellatrix and sis’s meet up w mother on the reggy, with permission or without, and this particular weekend was a break for all students to either visit their fam or relax in their dorms/explore school grounds. today (mon) is a day for them to get readjusted and classes start up again the following day. anyway continue)

All the way to the great hall Bellatrix's sisters continued teasing her about Tom. Thankfully she took the teasing easily, shoving her sisters good naturedly and joking along. That was until they reached the great hall. She didn't think her sisters noticed but as they walked past others to get to their table Bellatrix could feel a strong force on her, like something digging into the back of her head. She scanned her eyes around the room once, trying to catch the culprit of whatever was happening but all she could see were other students eating merrily, not a clue to her predicament. Thankfully by the time she'd sat down the force had vanished and she could focus back on her sisters.

Tom stood just outside the doors of the great hall, panting and trying to catch his breath. Never had he been rejected so quickly from someone's mind, not even close to breaching it in fact. Her magic was strong, untampered and just waiting to be fully unleashed just beneath the surface. A magic enough to rival his own. She may think she was strong now but oh just wait until he had her with him, by his side. Just wait until he showed her what she's truly capable of.

With these thoughts in mind he swiftly walked away from the great hall entrance, on his way back to his dorm.