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magireco · 3 years

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Would love to hear more thoughts on how these girls have understandable teenage motivations (A+ tag analysis by the way)

1. Thank you!!!!!!

2. ALRIGHT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (shuffles my papers). i’ve gone off about homura’s motivations in depth before but i think it was only in dms/groupchats? anyways i’ll go in order with All the girls bc i think about this all the time as a teenager who grew up mentally ill and had their perceptions skewed because of it, and also i don’t think it’s talked about nearly enough for the others, at least on my blog... so, buckle up!!! this is REALLY LONG!!!!

3. i tried writing like, an individual thing for every member of the quintet all together in this one ask, but i ended up talking a little too much about homura and now i’m going to split up all the different analysis stuff for each character into the reblogs and work on it every so often! you’re free to kinda skim of course because i really did write a whole novel but here we go!! read under the cut. :3 this is literally essay length btw. i did NOT expect it to get this long but if you want to read it all i’d recommend it but i don’t expect most people to

First: Homura Akemi

okay so i’m going to kind of summarize everything but from the perspective of empathizing with her so if you don’t want to reread a whole recap you can skip to the ending few paragraphs

Summary

first of all, in episode 10, homura’s past is explained for the viewer. she was a shy, unsure girl who had been bedridden for a long time. she was clearly unsocialized, not to mention she went to a catholic school and those can be brutal, esp in japan... that’s all we know about her in that episode, but it’s revealed in one of the drama cds that she was bullied as a child(& further at mitakihara middle), her parents never were mentioned ever (i assume them to either be dead or neglectful, considering she lives alone and unchecked), and in magia record, homura says to natsuki that she’s never had friends before, she hasn’t been on vacation before until the beachside bonds event, hasn’t ever celebrated valentine’s day, has never celebrated new years, etc...

clearly, she’s missed out on a lot not only because of her sickness and hospitalization, but because of her isolation as a child at school. judging by her demeanor and the way she reacts when madoka comes up to her without being asked to, something like that had never happened to her before. it’s clear to me that madoka was many of homura’s “first’s”, her first friend, the first person who reached out to her, the first person to compliment her name honestly(validating her, disproving her dislike of her name), the first person to regard her so kindly rather than judging her based off of her appearance and demeanor (like other students had apparently done, this is also shown when the other students at mitakihara middle make fun of her for being tired after only being able to run one lap). AND, madoka (and mami, but homura knew madoka better at that time) saved her life, even though homura was so willing to die, just in that moment... i’d assume it made homura feel like someone believed in her even when she was at her worst. it’s really clear by the glimmer in her eyes that these are nice people that made her feel happy and welcome... and then walpurgisnacht came. she didn’t know much about magical girls and just believed in madoka and mami to be able to defeat the witch because she saw them as strong and saw the witch as defeatable, despite its size. and then mami died, right in front of her and madoka...

this kinda seems headcanon-y when i phrase it this way but it’s practically proven in her actions but i really think homura is scared to be abandoned, especially by someone who was as overtly kind and nonjudgemental to her as madoka... it’s in the way she cries her name and says “don’t go” before madoka runs away to fight walpurgisnacht. OH ALSO, i need to address this one thing really quick because people like to assume that homura didn’t care about mami from the beginning and only liked madoka. it’s not that she wasn’t sad when mami died, she was clearly terrified and didn’t want the same to happen to madoka, also mami LITERALLY WASN’T IN HER CLASS OR HER GRADE so i assume she spent most of her time with madoka considering they were in the same grade and class and probably shared most of their periods with each other... but also, once again, mami is older than both of them and homura probably saw her as more of a mentor/teacher that she needed to impress rather than madoka who was more on her level, i guess?

anyways, moving on... homura had to see madoka die (& experience the crushing guilt she felt for “letting madoka go” even though there was nothing she could’ve done) and literally says “i’d rather you had lived than saved someone like me” ... her self worth is below zero. she makes her wish to be strong enough to protect madoka(because she sees madoka, her first friend, who saved her life which she felt had no worth, as so strong and noble) which causes her to go back in time, etc. etc., you know the deal. okay before i move on to talk a little more abt the timelines and the personality change i’m going to address why it’s reasonable that she’d be attached to madoka.

i mentioned before that homura said herself that she had never had a friend before. just like, put yourself into her shoes for a second. this girl has no idea how to make friends; it was never taught to her. it’s literally rational that she’d get attached to her first ever friendship. it’s not “normal” the way she views madoka, but how could it be? this is her first time having a friend, she’s afraid of being abandoned by her, but she’s had to see her die over and over again anyway. she doesn’t want to lose madoka. even if she doesn’t go about it in the right way, there’s no way she would’ve actually known how to Do relationships. no one taught her. i think that needs to be empathized with more...

i kinda feel like i need to summarize all this just bc if i word it right it kinda reminds you & puts into perspective just how terrible and scary all of this was.

anyway Again, i would skip straight to the end of timeline 3 (where a New Flavor of trauma is given to homura) but i need to first address timeline 2 for a second. it was homura’s first time repeating the timeline, she trained with madoka and mami again, she was still hopeful despite what happened, etc. kinda just bonding further with madoka Again... and then it’s at the end of this timeline that she watches madoka turn into a witch, just in front of her very eyes... and realizes the true fate of magical girls. when she resets the timeline again, it’s up to her to start anew and break the truth to the group when she sees them again. when she tries telling the truth, sayaka immediately shoves this aside, claiming homura was just trying to split everyone up. it’s clear that that hurts homura. (also the little shinies in her eyes were wavering which is anime-code for sad) her feelings were immediately disregarded by sayaka and she couldn’t defend herself, but madoka did for her, and mami tried to diffuse the situation.

after they all find out homura was right when sayaka turns into a witch, mami kills kyoko and ties up homura in her ribbons and aims a gun at her, and this, rightfully, ignited a fear within homura... madoka is forced to kill mami in order to save homura, leaving only the two of them to fight together. then, when walpurgisnacht comes that time, The Promise is made... madoka tells homura to go back in time and save her from becoming a witch (because she doesn’t want to curse the world that way, she still sees beauty in it) and homura agrees, saying she’ll never stop until she saves madoka, and then... homura has to mercy kill madoka before she becomes a witch. she cries loudly and shoots madoka’s soul gem... it’s literally so heartwrenching and (usually) brings the viewer to tears, or puts something into perspective for them...

then we assume the personality change happens in the timeline right after. this personality change causes a lot of discourse because sometimes it’s seen as kind of irrational, but personally, i think even moemura had at least SOME resent for the world around her considering what she’d been through. it’s madoka’s repeated deaths that finally push her over that edge. i could get further into the coolmura arc but that’d take a WHILE, so i’ll just kind of explain something briefly though -- why homura ended up becoming even MORE focused on madoka. and i’m also going to debunk the claim that homura doesn’t care about her other friends as fast as i can before moving on.

also, ONE LAST side tangent, for those that think homura really did do a 360 degree personality turn are wrong. it’s shown explicitly in homulilly’s labyrinth that there’s this... “core” homura, a shadowy purple silhouette with braids. every time the series depicts homura’s internal self, it’s always glasses+braids, symbolizing her “child” self, who she truly is. she never stopped being that person. she doesn’t want to kill. ...but i can get into that in a rebellion analysis later! this is also shown in wraith arc bc the person inside her soul gem has glasses+braids. anyway let’s get to the next part i’m going to rant about

Homura’s Love for Madoka, but Otherwise Apathy

homura has seen many different, yet all similar, versions of her friends. the first claim i’m going to talk about which i saw brought up quite a few times before is in regards to homura and mami. first of all, homura absolutely still cares for mami, and not just in the “i only care about your life if it affects madoka’s” way. one part that always gets me is when mami ties her up in the series timeline after homura frantically warns her that this witch isn’t normal, to which mami IMMEDIATELY brushes this off, without even giving homura a chance. then, when mami’s ribbons fade away, homura looks horrified and just goes “oh no...” and it’s kind of obvious to me that it was in response to mami’s death rather than madoka’s reaction. this is arguably up for debate i guess because i’ve seen different takes on that reaction and it’s ambiguous, i guess? but i’m about to get into something extremely similar and that’s the sayaka situation, where madoka throws sayaka’s soul gem onto a moving car. homura gasps and immediately pauses time and disappears, running in literal open traffic and climbing on top of a moving car to retrieve sayaka’s soul gem. one could argue that this is ALSO only just because homura wants to save madoka (and kyoko) the fear, but don’t you think her expression would be different? if homura truly didn’t care for sayaka’s wellbeing, wouldn’t she be making an expression more similar to like, “oh, this shit again...” instead of the frantic one she was making in the scene? this kind of thing Also happens when kyoko asks homura to leave while kyoko’s about to sacrifice herself in oktavia’s labyrinth, and homura looks up sadly at kyoko and then back down at madoka, and once she knew kyoko was dead, she just quietly said “kyoko...” to herself. she usually refers to them as [last name, first name], but she dropped that during that moment... it otherwise sounds like a bare minimum thing to do, but keep in mind the timeline we’re shown in the series is implied to be like, the 110th timeline, i think? like, this is the last timeline, she’s worn down, but she still does have empathy -- or at least sympathy -- for the others. she still loves them.

homura promised to be madoka’s protector, she dedicated her life to her, and also she doesn’t have a choice not to dedicate her life to her anymore, even though that’s not fair to her... homura is in a really hopeless situation and madoka is her hope, and madoka is the one that judges her the least out of the quintet (like saying “i’m sure homura is good” to herself) upon first impression. also okay i mentioned this already in my last post (which you saw) but i’m going to bring it up one more time, homura is not mentally 26!!!!!! she is still 14 mentally!! in order to be 26, you have to have experienced 26 years of new life experience. maybe you acquire that through school, maybe you aquire that through friends, whatever it takes. but homura just repeated the same month over and over, and it’s not like her body (canonically) ages ever. she just kind of gets transported back into her body in the hospital again considering she’s back wearing her braids and pajamas... so, yeah. no mental development there. i also mentioned this here but i’m gonna say it again, that just makes it even harder for her to actually age correctly... it stunts her to 14. imagine being 14 for 10-11 years...

In Defense Of My Own Claims

btw before you think i’m just going full-on radical homura apologist, i’m not explaining all of this to be like “homura made ALL THE RIGHT DECISIONS because her trauma gave her an excuse!!” because like, Obviously, she did a lot of bad things, she killed people, did a lot of callous things, a lot of thoughtless things, a lot of things that make her seem emotionless, etc. but i just have trouble blaming her considering how things ended up, and it’s not like she enjoys killing people. she’s not sadistic... she ends up becoming short with all the others not only because of her (extremely) weakened trust in them, but also because the amount of times she repeated the timeline. i’d imagine it makes her feel like the others can’t truly die because she can just go back and see them again. (this is also why wraith arc/post-tv series must’ve been hard for her because she can no longer turn back time, things are permanent now, deaths are forever) she’s become so worn down that she’ll do anything to escape the loops... also considering she has no choice but to continue? although it shouldn’t be, it’s technically her job as a magical girl to defeat all witches and walpurgisnacht counts. it kills magical girls and tears up the whole city and she’s usually the only magical girl left... her choices, when defeated, are either to give up and die or to go back and try again, and she made a promise to her first ever friend to do just the latter... i just don’t understand how this isn’t easier for people to comprehend, that all of this trauma and stress and responsibility on top of an already traumatized 14 year old does not mix well. ever. she had to figure out all of this by herself.

TL;DR:

homura was a previously traumatized, unsocialized 14 year old with (very)low self esteem & self worth whose first friend (and first love, really, let’s be honest) died in front of her in horrific ways and she watched as she (and the other friends she came to make) drifted slowly apart from her in her endless and futile attempt in saving her from what proved to be an inescapable fate. also she’s 14 and also she’s (canonically) mentally ill and a lesbian. not a monster, not evil, not “psycho”. and that’s that!

#asks #luna-mistrunner #homura akemi #analysis #THIS MAY HABE TAKEN ME LIKE 2 DAYS ON AND OFF

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samwisethewitch · 4 years

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Practicing Witchcraft in Secret

I love things that are traditionally “witchy.” I love dressing candles with herbs. I love setting things on fire. I love making poppets and charms. But not everyone is able to be so obvious in their craft. For various reasons, some witches choose to be secretive about their magical practice.

Why Would You Want to Keep It a Secret?

Historically, witches kept their practice a secret because it wasn’t safe to be open about their beliefs. In the late middle ages, the Catholic Church began to actively persecute witchcraft, herbal medicine, and folk spirituality with the publication of “witch hunting guides” like the Malleus Maleficarum. This witch hunting fervor would continue even after the Protestant Reformation, with some of the most famous witch hunts (such as the Salem trials) carried out by Protestants.

It is important to remember that the witch hunts were political at their heart and that very few of the people executed for witchcraft were what we would recognize today as witches. They were mostly women, poor folks, or members of ethnic or religious minorities. But even so, the danger of being accused of witchcraft and/or devil worship drove many medieval witches, herbalists, and pagans to hide their practice.

The United States experienced a modern witch hunt of sorts in the 1980s with the “Satanic Panic.” We still don’t entirely understand what caused this cultural phenomenon, but what we do know is that it resulted in widespread paranoia about devil worship. Anything that could be misconstrued as “satanic” was shunned or outright persecuted, from Dungeons & Dragons to heavy metal music to nature-based religions like Wicca — and, yes, witchcraft. People who had been comfortably open about their spirituality suddenly found themselves practicing behind closed doors. If you’re over 30, you may remember this. If you’re under 30, the Satanic Panic probably shaped how your parents view witchcraft and paganism, and they may still be grossly misinformed as a result.

Even today, a lot of witches choose to keep their practice a secret because it would be unsafe or uncomfortable to go public. Many witches have family members, friends, or coworkers who would be uncomfortable if they knew about their witchcraft, and may even choose to end the relationship because of it. Some witches live in culturally Christian areas where it might be harder for them to get jobs or make friends if they were openly self-identifying as a witch. Some of us live in places where an outdoor ritual could get the cops called on us, or have missionaries showing up to save our souls.

On the other hand, some witches just like privacy. You may feel like your spirituality is nobody’s business but yours, and for that reason you may prefer to do witchcraft in a way that is more subtle and secretive. Desire for privacy is a perfectly valid reason to stay “in the broom closet.”

There are also some magical traditions that require members to swear a vow of secrecy and to keep the group’s secrets. However, these traditions usually require an in-person initiation, so I won’t be discussing them here.

Inconspicuous Witchcraft

If you haven’t read my posts about magical journaling and kitchen magic, I highly recommend you check them out. Those are two forms of magic that are very easy to practice discretely.

No matter what your reason for keeping your practice a secret, here are a few tips for making magic without drawing attention.

Use scented candles. Candle magic is one of the easiest and most versatile forms of spellwork, and all it requires is a candle and your intention. Scented candles are perfect for undercover witches because, rather than adding herbs and oils, you can simply buy a scent that matches your intention. (For example, a vanilla candle is great for love, while a pumpkin spice scent will attract wealth.) Plus, they’re so commonplace that no one will think twice about seeing one in your bedroom or on your desk at work. If you’re a purist and want to make sure you’re using real plant materials, you can get all natural candles scented with essential oils — but lots of witches use artificial scents and get good results, so don’t feel like you have to go with the more expensive option.

Diffuse essential oils. Essential oils contain the concentrated essence of a plant, which makes them a must-have tool for witches. Essential oils are also extremely popular right now, both for holistic healing and for aromatherapy, so you definitely won’t attract any negative attention for using them. You can get a good essential oil diffuser for under $20 online. Some brands overcharge for their oils, but you can find good quality oils for under $10. When choosing an essential oil, look at the magical correspondences for the plant it is made from. You can diffuse oils to infuse your space with their energy, similar to the way you would use incense.

Enchant your perfume. You can choose a perfume to match your intention or make your own custom perfume by mixing essential oils in a carrier oil. Focus on your intention as you spray the perfume, letting it infuse your energy field with magic. You can also buy magical perfume blends from witch-owned businesses online or on Etsy.

Learn shufflemancy. “Shufflemancy” is a modern form of divination that is done by putting a playlist on shuffle — whatever song plays first contains an intuitive message for you, either in the lyrics or in how it makes you feel. You can find playlists specifically made for divination by Googling “shufflemancy playlist,” or you can make your own by compiling a playlist of songs from different genres that deal with different topics. Just be sure to keep it diverse — if your playlist only has love songs on it, you might not get very helpful messages if you have a question about your career.

Learn bibliomancy. This divination method is similar to shufflemancy, but much older. Bibliomancy is done by asking your question while holding a book, focusing on your question while connecting with the book’s energy, and then opening it to a random page. There is a long, long tradition within Christianity of doing this with the Bible — if you feel connected to a certain sacred text, you could use it for bibliomancy. You could also use a book of poetry, a novel, or even a dictionary. However, I think it’s important to use a book you feel a connection to, rather than something randomly grabbed off the shelf.

Use Pinterest and Spotify as manifestation tools. You may have heard of vision boards, a tool used to manifest something by creating a detailed collection of images that match your intention. Pinterest boards are already essentially virtual vision boards, and creating one with focused intent can be a spell by itself. Likewise, you can use Spotify playlists for manifestation. To do this, create a playlist of songs that match your intention (songs about money or love, for example) and listen to it while meditating on your desired outcome.

Choose your outfits with intention. You can pick clothes based on color correspondences (see this post for a guide to color magic), the material they are made from (a wool sweater vs. a cotton T-shirt), or some other symbolism. For example, if you want to feel empowered, you might wear leopard print to channel the energy of a fierce predator.

Enchant a piece of jewelry for a specific purpose. You can choose your jewelry based on the correspondence of the metal or gemstones it is made from, make your own piece, or use whatever you already have on hand. You can enchant this jewelry by passing it over the flame of a candle or through the vapor of an essential oil diffuser. State what purpose you want this charm to serve, either out loud or in your mind. Wear this jewelry whenever you need to tap into that energy, and make sure to cleanse it often.

Create magical art. If you want to manifest something, draw or paint a picture of it. You don’t have to be a skilled artist — what matters is that you are taking your mental image of what you want and bringing it into the physical world. Fold up the picture and keep it in your pillow, or in some other special place. Likewise, if you want to banish something, draw or paint a picture of it and then rip it into little pieces and throw it out. This ritual allows you to purge yourself of the negative emotions tied to the thing you are banishing.

Take a magical bath. We rarely have more privacy than when we’re in the tub. Taking a bath is already a ritual of sorts, and it’s easy to add magic. You can, of course, make magical bath salts by mixing essential oils into Epsom salt, but you can also create bath spells with household objects. For example, a bath with salt and vinegar will clear up nasty energy, while adding milk to your bath will attract love and abundance.

Practicing in secret does not have to mean a less deep or well-rounded practice. There are lots of magical acts that can be done subtly or kept private. The suggestions in this post are by no means exhaustive, and I hope they will give you some ideas for other ways to fill your life with undercover magic.

Resources:

“Introduction” from The Malleus Maleficarum at http://www.malleusmaleficarum.org

The Fat Feminist Witch podcast, “Episode 34 — Witches, Midwives, and Doulas”

“Most witches are women, because witch hunts were all about persecuting the powerless” by Bridget Marshall for The Conversation

New World Witchery podcast, “Episode 118 — The Satanic Panic”

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james-rowan · 3 years

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Here’s my (very late, sorry 😓) contribution to the @dualrainbow Pride event. Thank you To_Dragons for helping me edit.

Ships: Montagne/Blitz, Lion/Doc, Valkyrie/Finka and Castle/Maverick

The Pride Festival

The Austin Texas Pride Festival was held on a hot, sunny afternoon, and it smelled of fair food, sunscreen and energy. It was colorful, and bright, mrainbows everywhere, adorning stalls, signs and, of course, people.

To the European operators who had been to Pride events before, it was not only loud, but bold. From the outfits, that ranged from simple rainbow wristbands to full on outrageous outfits (or just a jockstrap), to the signs and stalls and performance stages. Couples were embracing, kissing and making out openly and passionately, without shame or guilt, not only couples but the rare poly groups, finally able to carry on with open affections and taking full advantage. The atmosphere was infectious. It had already claimed Maverick and Castle, who walked very close to each other -despite the heat- hands in each other’s back pockets. They also were very unrestrained with the kissing.

And Montagne thought that he and Blitz could be overly affectionate. But then he was still waiting for his lover to meet them there. He had flown out on his own specifically for this.

Their group included the aforementioned Castle and Maverick, Valkyrie, Finka, himself, Lion and Doc.

They had traveled from Fort Polk, Louisiana, where they, that being the FBI SWAT, SEALs and GIGN, and one tagalong (at her vehement request) Finka, were doing training with the U.S. Army rangers stationed there. After two weeks of a field exercise in muggy swamplands, their Pride group had been excited to go somewhere dry, but unfortunately Houston did not live up to the Texas desert stereotypes; it was almost as humid as Fort Polk. But at least here there was civilization. And Montagne himself was excited to finally see Blitz.

“Schatz!”

Speaking of whom, he was charging at them, looking very much the part of a Pride attendee. He caught his lover in his arms, swinging him around once, despite the soreness from training, then dipped him into a deep kiss. that gained the awe and cheers of not only from some in their own group, but several onlooking strangers as well.

When they finally parted , Lion muttered, “They’re acting like they haven’t seen each other in a year.”

The couple ignored him as Blitz held Monty out in arms length to appraise his outfit. He tutted, “Not to live up to the stereotype, Schatz, but what are you wearing?”

Montagne looked down at himself. He was wearing a lightweight button down with rolled up sleeves, dark trousers and shined shoes, nothing offensive, if a bit formal compared to everyone else, but the reason was important.

Blitz himself was dressed the complete opposite, wearing a loose stringer tanktop that exposed his toned shoulders and even his pecs when he moved just right. Jean cutoff shorts, sneakers with colorful laces, large sunglasses, a backwards ball cap, wristbands: every article of clothing was either rainbow colored, or had an inclusive pride flag adorning it.

“Euh… what’s wrong with it?

“If it were any other day, nothing,” Blitz said. “You look sharp and sexy as ever. But this is Pride, American Pride, ja? Look around.”

Almost everyone was wearing Pride merchandise, had flags draped on their shoulders, or had face paint of various LGBTQ+ symbols, from obvious t more subtle. The bolder were the ones wearing much more and the even bolder much less.

Blitz grabbed his hand, “Come, we’re fixing this.”

“Aren’t we a little old for…”

“Psst, nein. This will be fun, ja? To dress up as we please, get swept up in the atmosphere.”

“We can already dress as we please.”

“I mean colorful, and silly, no fashion rules to hold us back. Come on!”

With that Blitz dragged him off, leaving the rest in their wake.

“Well,” Finka chuckled. “Hi to you too, Elias.”

“Those two are disgusting,” Lion snickered. “How long have they been together? A year?”

“Two,” Finka said. “With no signs of slowing down.”

“Their honeymoon phase is going to last forever at this rate,” Valkyrie said.

“That explains why Gilles is going to…” Lion stopped himself, eyes wide.

“What is Gilles going to do?” Valkyrie was now very interested.

“Olivier, you wanted to show me something?” Doc, the amazing man he was, quickly interjected.

Had it been a few months ago, Lion would have been confused, but now Doc had bailed him out enough times during conversations that he immediately went, “Ah right, this way.”

“We’ll go with you,” Valkyrie smirked.

“Non, non, it's private,” Lion said.

“The good Catholic boy he is, he cannot share,” he said, steering Lion away before he could reveal too much.

Out of earshot, Lion mumbled, “How can you be nice while mocking me at the same time?” Lion was a bit prickly at the Catholic comment. It has always been a point of mockery for people outside the church.

“I could ask you the same. You have quite the talent for it. Far more than I can hope to achieve.”

“Most of the time I don’t mean to.”

“I know.” Doc’s tone softened into a reassuring one, giving his side a squeeze. “Otherwise we wouldn’t have found common ground, mon coeur,” he said. “People also tend not to question when a Catholic needs to do private things, no? With Islam it works quite well.”

Lion took a deep breath, but understood. It was nothing malicious. “Thank you. I didn’t want to be the one to fuck that all up.”

It had taken years to come to a mutual understanding, let alone to find a way to deal with their mutual attraction to one another. It was a rocky, long road, but here they were. Lion hoped one day they would be exactly like Blitz and Montagne, or even just Castle and Maverick.

Lion brushed his forefinger against Doc’s hand, tentatively seeking to hold it. Their relationship was so new, so fragile, like a baby bird or sugar glass, too easy to hurt or shatter. A hundred things, even things gentle or nice, could ruin a relationship, if you looked into it. And considering their history, before they got together… where just one off hand remark would destroy a truce they had established between each other, setting them at each other's throats once again. Lion never wanted to go back to those times. He’d do anything to keep it from degrading back.

Doc immediately took hold of his hand, as if he had been waiting to do so all day, giving a loving squeeze.

Warmth flooded Lion, he felt a giant stupid grin spreading across his face. It was almost too much, as he felt pricks in his eyes, as he squeezed back. He glanced sideways at Doc, finding him gently smiling, mellow as always when he was content. He wanted nothing more than to sweep him up and kiss him fiercely, but maybe then it’d be too much. He’d settle for this for now.

After browsing a couple stalls, he remembered something. What did the relationship advice he found on that one website say? That he should always seek to compliment and let someone know how much their actions mean to him, so he rubbed the back of his neck, trying to find the right words.

“You know,” Lion said, barely able to be heard over the crowd. “I’m so glad you’re willing to hold my hand.”

“Willing? I want to,” Doc corrected, bringing it to his lips and kissing his knuckles.

Lion smile only grew wider, and he had to look away as red creeped from his ears to his cheeks now. “J’taime.”

“J’taime.”

The warm fuzzy feeling in his chest threatened to burst, helped along by with the anxiety, the pervasive fear that this was about to be ripped from him at any moment.

They grabbed something to eat and sat down on a bench. If American food was considered greasy, their fair food was simply lard on a plate, with maybe some sugar or ketchup for seasoning. They commented on this to each other, when something caught Lion’s eye. There were older women and a couple of men wearing t-shirts, that said “free mom hugs.” (the men’s shirts said ‘dad’) As implied, they hugged everyone who came up to them. Some hugs were light and quick, and some deep and heartfelt, lasting many minutes. Lion’s eyes followed one of them until he came upon a group of them, holding signs, the same message written on them.

“Is that what I think?”

“Hmm?” Doc looked up. “Ah, probably. Hold on.”

To Lion's horror, his fellow frenchman asked a nearby American who they were; the man explaining with a bright smile that they were a charity organization that helped LGBTQ+ youth, and they gave out hugs - of course -, for any who had been rejected by their families for their sexuality.

Small talk ensued, in which Lion was only half-participating in as he ate, and when the man finally left, Doc nudged his side.

“You’ve been glancing at them this whole time. Go on, go talk to them.”

“I don’t need a hug.”

Doc tsked, “That’s a lie.”

“Huh?”

“If anyone needs a hug from a father figure, it is you, no?”

“I…” Lion paused then shook his head. “No, I’m over it, I put it behind me. It happened over a decade ago, after all.”

Doc raised an eyebrow, one of his infuriatingly knowing smiles tugging at his lips.

“They are for this who were disowned for being homosexual, Gustave. I was not...”

“And your father would have accepted you being with another man? Or is it only teens getting their girlfriends pregnant that he takes moral issue with?”

Lion didn’t have an answer for him. Well he did, just not a verbal one. There were so many reasons his father wanted nothing to do with him.

“I’m over it,” he repeated, but this time with less conviction.

“Then it would be of no consequence,” Doc said, squeezing his hand. “Go on.”

It was an awkward walk to approach them. He had to remind himself he was a soldier, he had faced death multiple times, fought against some of the most dangerous people in the world and this- This was just a civilian man at a pride event. Much older than him, sure, with a kind face and beard. But he realized as his step grew increasing hesitant that it wasn’t the human he was afraid of, but his soul, and what it could do to his own with just a few brash words.

What was he even going to say? “Hey I saw your sign, my dad hates me, can I get a hug?” That was ridiculous. Maybe lean into the role this man was offering to play, “Sorry dad, I was a fuck up, I can't change?" Or… "sorry you were not capable of loving me the way I am?" Both sounded completely rude to say to a stranger.

But as he approached, the older man met his eye, and there was no need for questions, nor words. The dad only smiled at him and opened his arms.

Lion found himself in the other man’s embrace before he even realized, hugging him as if his life depended on it. The older man matched his energy, a hand on the back of his head as if Lion really was his own child. Time seemed to stretch on and on; Lion had been anticipating a quick hug, just a little taste of what he got so envious of every time he saw someone have a loving moment with their parent, but no, his body refused to let go and so did this stranger. This stranger who held onto him with a fatherly patience Lion once thought only existed in fantasy.

The lump growing in his throat ached. He tried swallowing it down, but it only made it worse.

He shouldn’t have done this. He thought he was over it, yet it hurt, it hurt so fucking much…!

He wanted to run, he wanted to stay, he wanted…

“It’s alright to cry,” the man whispered. “I got you.”

“My real father disowned me.” Lion wasn’t proud of how strangled his voice sounded, or how he let some tears escape.

“I’m so sorry, son,” the man replied, rubbing his back gently. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“I did.”

“No, you didn’t. Nobody does.”

“I never could give him a reason to love me.”

“Children don’t need to give a reason. They’re supposed to be loved by their parents, no matter what mistakes they made, real or imagined. You deserve to be loved.”

Lion was biting the inside of his cheek, trying to will away the need to sob. This was a happy moment, a validating moment, with kind words, and warmth, why did it hurt so much then? His fingers clutched at the man’s shirt, as he gently rocked them. It didn’t feel infantilizing, it felt relieving, needed, like a hole finally being filled.

“You can cry, you know,” the man whispered again. “Emotions are made to be expressed. You don’t have to be strong, not here, not with me. I know you’re hurting, Don’t worry, I’m here.”

A choked sob escaped, and Lion pressed his face into the man's shoulder. “There you go, let it out, I’m proud of you.”

There was no coming back from that. He broke down, and it was ugly.

Lion sobbed into his arms, all rsesemblance of control disappearing, but the father held him through it all. It lasted way longer than Lion thought possible, but they eventually subsided, and he was still being held as he calmed down. When he felt strong enough to break the embrace, he was met with a gentle, fatherly smile.

“Do you feel better?”

“Oui.. yes, thank you,” he wiped his face with his own shirt. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” the manhe said. “I’m just doing what fathers were meant to do.”

“Merci.”

They talked for a little while after. About what happened with his father, his family, himself. The cynical side of him expected them to reveal their ulterior motive, asking him for charity donations, to attend a church service, or even a cult, but they didn’t offer him any flyers or business cards, just warm words... water and tissues. At least he wasn’t the first grown man to cry like this in their arms. They were genuinely good people.

Doc had been waiting patiently for him on the bench, and stood up to embrace him and kiss his cheek upon his return. “How do you feel?”

“Drained,” he said. Then he added, “Relieved. I guess you were…” he caught himself. “No, you were completely right.”

“I’m glad you went then, mon coeur.”

Lion needed a smoke. Before got to know him, Lion would have assumed the doctor was too high and mighty for a nicotine fix, but then found out he was a man in a high stress job like the rest of them, and didn’t judge. Except on the mandatory substance abuse powerpoints they all had to sit through every few months.

He lit up, drawing the smoke in and letting it mellow him out. Every so often he would think back and a few more tears would leak out.

He wiped his eyes with his thumb. “You know why I was so happy that you took my hand?”

“Non,” Doc said, rubbing his back. “But please tell me.”

“I was at the store with my mother and father,” he said. “I was just following along, and I see my mother offer her hand to hold, you know, this gesture…”

He made it. Doc patiently nodded.

“Well I was nearest to her, I think. I was so happy, I remember feeling loved, all warm, because my mama wanted to hold my hand.”

He paused, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Go on, I’m listening.”

Lion took a deep breath. His voice shuddered, “She let go, non.. she threw my hand away from her, in utter disgust. As if I were disgusting. She snapped, ‘I don’t want your hand.’”

Lion ducked his head. “It was a small thing, yes, but it hurt, it hurt so much. Turned out she wanted my father’s hand, not her son’s, not mine.”

It was a few beats later before Doc said, “How old were you?”

“Four, maybe five,” Lion said. “I hate that feeling, those moments where you finally feel happy and loved, and the next second someone shatters it completely. Despair is a good word for it, I think.”

“How often did these types of things happen?”

“Plenty, I was a disgusting child, after all.”

“No,” Doc said. “She was just… cruel.”

Lion huffed, not a wry laugh, just disbelieving. “You’re not going to tell me that she tried her best?”

“Did she?”

“I… I don’t know…”

“Then I think not,” Doc said softly, cupping Lion’s cheek. He leaned into the warmth.

"I still get this horrible… fear when I want to take someone’s hand, or show any affection. So I usually don’t.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you, mon cher. And if I ever make you feel the way your mother did, I want you to tell me.”

Lion nodded, looking down, not entirely sure if he would. Doc tilted his head back up. “Hey, I mean it.”

Lion took his hand and almost went for a kiss, but the deep moment was interrupted by Blitz and Monty approaching. Lion quickly turned away so neither of the two could see his red puffy eyes, but he did see Monty was wearing a stringer tanktop, tie dyed rainbow, and adorned with rainbows in body paint and a look of subdued embarrassment any time Elias had his back turned. Blitz was going a bit overboard on this look.

“Have you seen Meghan?” Blitz said, “unless you have a bag?”

Doc pointed them into the right direction, as Lion quickly drank his water.

“Olivier, are you okay?”

“He just needs some alone time with me,” Doc saved him. Again.

The pair offered their sympathies to Lion (much to his annoyance) and wandered off to find the two women.

“Don’t you ever dress me up that garishly,” Lion snickered.

“Please, mon coeur, I have taste,” Doc said, before grabbing his knee and squeezing, voice now whispering in his ear. “Besides, I prefer you out of your clothes.”

He nipped his earlobe before Lion could exasperate out his name, earning a yelp instead.

Any semblance of protocol melted into genuine, unmasked joy just to be in each other’s company, in a welcoming space where they could be open about themselves Gustave himself was intent on kissing his lover better.

Finka and Valkyrie had been watching a stage performance when Blitz appeared at Valkyrie’s side, grinning, as usual, and... now covered in glitter?

“Meghan, can we borrow your purse?”

“Huh?”

“I don’t want to have to carry around Gilles’s shirt all day.”

Valkyrie turned fully to see Montagne, who had trailed in after him, no longer wearing his tasteful, understated ensemble, but had been attacked by rainbows and what looked to be the same shimmer bomb that Blitz must have been caught in.

“No, you’re going to get glitter in it,” Valkyrie frowned.

“Please? I’ll clean it out for you myself.”

“Glitter?” Finka said, turning around. “We have to ride back with your boyfriend, and you wore glitt-”

Finka must have caught sight of Montagne’s giant pecs escaping the too small, flimsy shirt, because she turned bright red and turned back to stare very intently at the performer.

All Valkyrie herself could think was ’damn Montagne is strong and it shows’, but that was it, of course. Her girlfriend however was bi, with a particular weakness for large people with muscles.

“Och, I almost forgot,” Blitz said cheekily. “You have any sunscreen? Gilles wasn’t prepared for this outfit.”

“I don’t think any of us were prepared,” Finka snipped, still keeping Montagne out of her line of sight. She pulled out a sunblock bottle from her cargo pocket and tossed it over.

“You alright there, Lera?” Blitz asked as he caught it.

“I’m fine, it's just hot,” she replied, still avoiding eye contact, “The weather, I mean.”

Blitz grinned, “He is hot, isn’t he?”

“Mon cher…” Montagne groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Just…”

Meghan clapped her hands, “Okay, go away, go be gay somewhere else. We have enough that of our own over here.”

Blitz ignored her, looking at Finka with a grin, “What do you think of us getting temporary hair color? I was thinking of dyeing our hair rainbow.”

“Well, you’ve gone this far,” Finka said, pointedly staring at Blitz’s eyes. “Might as well go full golubok.”

“Hah, ja, I like the way you think, I…”

“Here,” Meghan said, grabbing Gilles’s shirt from Blitz’s hands and stuffing it into her purse. “Go dye your hair now. Go on.”

“Alright, all right.” Blitz grinned, holding up his hands and going. Montagne sighed deeply, a twitch working its way through his cheek before following. Odd, but not her problem. She had someone much more important to worry about.

“You’re into muscles, huh?”

“You know I am,” Finka said sheepishly. “Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting that.”

Valkyrie laughed, “It’s fine, he got great boobs.” That caused Finka to snort. “You know, for a man.”

Finka laughed longer than she expected, but it was always nice when her girlfriend had one of her genuine laughs.

“It's always nice to see real muscles,” Finka said. “Real ones, from being big and strong, and healthy.”

“Oh, you mean some like mine?” She flexed, tattooed arms positively sexy as the bulged.

Finka’s eyes got a hungry glunt to them, she put her hands on Valkyrie’s arms, feeling the solidness beneath her fingers, “Yes, just like that.”

Finka kissed her girlfriend long and deep, and Valkyrie relished being able to do so in the open, without the anxiety of having some bigot laying eyes on them and causing a scene. It was annoying enough to deal with the old people (and the occasional man similarly aged man) she had never met before tsk at her for daring to have tattoos and being too buff, saying she was too pretty to mark herself up like that and ask how she was ever going to find a man looking like that. She had already broke the glass ceiling for women in something as prestigious and hardcore as the Navy fucking SEALs, but there were still so many in American society that were convinced that women existed to look pleasant to men, regardless of if said women even wanted a pet man or not.

The kiss was broken when Finka’s wristwatch timer went off, and her girlfriend quickly drank from her water bottle. It was such a practiced motion, Valkyrie wasn’t entirely convinced Lera was aware she was doing it, and it made her heart ache. When she was finished, she wrapped her arm around her shoulders, pressing a kiss to her temple.

Later they were browsing stalls, and Finka gravitated towards one that was selling pride flags and shirts, not only the standard colors for each identity group, but also the ones that represented multiple identities within the same flag. Finka fingered a nonbinary one with a heart in the bisexual colors on its center. Interesting choice.

“I’d love to see you wear one of these, babe.”

Finka smiled, but shook her head, “I don’t know…”

“Come on, I’m not trying to pull a Blitz on you, I’ll wear one with you.”

“And what am I going to do with it afterwards?”

“Keep it? We’re not in Russia, our base is in Greece, basically its own sovereign territory.”

“When you went through SEALs, there were dissenters that tried to prove your were lesbian so they could get you removed from the program, didn’t they?”

Valkyrie shrugged, “Yeah, but they failed.”

“The last thing that the Russian government wants is one of it most elite spetsnaz operatives in an international effort to be homosexual,” Finka explained. “Its not illegal, yet, but my existence could be considered ‘propaganda.’ I might not just be removed from Rainbow, or Spetsnaz, or the Russian military, I could be jailed.

“Ah.”

“You know what Russian prison is like? I might be able to survive the system if I wasn’t sick, but I am diseased. They’d deny me my medication, not let me stay hydrated or fed or exercised and I’ll...”

“Hey, hey,” Meghan said, quickly drawing Lera into a hug. “I’m sorry, it was just a silly idea.”

“I’m…” she took a deep breath then nodded. “Thank you.”

Meghan kissed her forehead, holding her hands. Lera usually had to be stressed, well, more stressed than usual, to go on such a downward spiral so quickly. Being at such a Pride event, probably, if anyone found out. Finka didn’t believe her own Rainbow Spetsnaz brothers to out her, they were too close, but it was still risky.

“The Soviet Union used to accept openly gay people, did you know that?”

Valkyrie shook her head.

“Not a lot of people do, even in Russia. It was the early years, of course, but they gave gays rights they never had before. But then, of course, the Soviets needed more bodies. Bodies for war, and bodies for work, and of course, they believed gays were the reason that their population wasn’t pumping out babies at a fast enough rate.”

“Oh.”

“It all comes down to child production, doesn’t it? You know this.”

“Unfortunately I do,” Valkyrie said. “Not even just governments but families too. When my grandma found out I was lesbian, she sobbed, crying about how she won’t have any grandbabies from my father’s line. Then she blamed my father for raising me too military, while blaming my mother for letting me compete in high level sports.” She adopted a shrill, tottering grandma voice, ‘Sports always turns girls into dykes. I wanted greatgrandbabies from every child! But you made her want to turn into a boy!”

“Blin.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“My own parents alway knew I would like girls,” she said. “Enough to be surprised and confused when I brought home boyfriends that I was genuinely happy with. They cited my, uh, how you call it, boyishness? Well, I never felt comfortable in the woman’s role and they, knowing what my siblings and I had…, they didn’t really feel a need to pressure us to do anything but stay as healthy and active as possible.”

Meghan slowly began to realize this was turning into much more than a simple sharing of stories, and squeezed her hands in support.

“I never liked being…. I don’t know how to put this. I didn’t like the gendered language used for me. And I never felt when people were talking about women, they were talking about to me as well. Just as I thought the rules and expectations boys are taught growing up applied to me as well. You know, don’t cry, be tough, treat women with respect, fight those who try to push you around. Then I learned of this new concept a couple years ago, someone could be neither. I laughed at it at first but...”

“Lera…” Valkyrie said softly, with a loving smile. “Do you want me to use they/them for you?”

Her… their eyes lit up. “Would you? I mean, I’m not sure just yet, but I would like to try them out. “Non pun intended?”

“Hmm? Oh yes,” they were positively beaming. They were so beautiful.

“Just to see. I mean, I still have to use she and her at work but, just in private.”

“Of course, babe.”

Valkyrie cupped their face and kissed them deeply.

She ended up buying Finka something, a silver bracelet in the colored stones in the nonbinary colors as the setting. Something simple and discreet yet powerful where it mattered.

Montagne had texted the couples to be on their way back to the group when Blitz finally realized he wasn’t just looking like a rainbow, but rather a discontented victim of a rainbow being sick.

“What’s wrong, Schatz?”

The giant man sighed, folding his arms over his chest.

“So… there is something wrong…?”

“If it were any other day, I wouldn’t have minded, but today…”

“Where else could you do this…?”

“It is not the location, it is the look!” he gestured down at himself. “The timing of it!”

“I don’t understand… ok, ja, I can see why I might have gotten a little carried away.”

Montagne raised a glitter encrusted eyebrow.

“Ok, completely carried away.”

“Mmm.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It is not the fun you were having that I have a problem with, I am used to your antics.”

Blitz went pink, and bashful. Like a puppy being scolded.

“And you know I love your antics, ge added quickly. But why of all days,” Gilles trailed off, pinching the bridge of his nose, and very nearly getting glitter in his eyes.

“Because… its Pride…”

“Yes, you’ve been saying this the whole time.”

“We can go wash it all off, I’m sorry,” Elias said, crestfallen as he moved past him towards the bathrooms.

Montagne caught him around the chest with his arm just as the rest of the group returned, “Non, it's fine… its fine. Perfection is not needed.”

He saw Doc and Loon quickly fumble for their phones, thankfully behind Blitz’s back. Once they nodded, he guided Blitz back to in front of him. “These past few years I’ve known you, you’ve done nothing but make me happy. Your antics, your jokes, your dedication, your downright sweetness, even the way you tap your helmet during exercises. Even before we started seeing each other, your smile would light up my heart and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Gilles…”

Gilles sank to one knee, pulling out a shining wedding ring from his pocket.

“Will you marry me?”

Elias had clapped his hands over his mouth, unable to process this. Their group, except for the GIGN of course, were surprised and estatic. Valkyrie even exclaimed “So that’s what you French bastards were hiding.”

Blitz still hadn’t answered, his eyes shining.

“Elias?”

“Ja! Natürlich sage ich ja, du großer Dummkopf!”

“I assume that's a…”

Blitz very nearly bowled him over to give him his acceptance kiss. He lifted him up as he stood, Elias straddling his hips and swung them around, a dazzling display as the glitter caught the sunshine.

“I’m sorry I got irritated, I just wanted this to go a certain way,” he breathed when their lips parted.

“Schatz, you could have proposed to me covered in mud and sweat.”

“I know,” he said. “But I still wanted to make an effort. I wanted to do it right.”

“You did,” he said. “Look at you, covered in rainbows, just to make me happy, ja?

“Mmm,” he said as Elias lowered himself back to the ground.

Blitz understood now. Gilles was a traditional romantic after all, wanting the candlelit dinners and picnics at the parks on Sundays. He wanted that to extend to his proposal but Blitz was too excited to have silly fun to notice.

“Hey,” he said. Despite the heat they couldn’t stop embracing. “I love you, you know that?”

“I love you too.”

“If you want,” he whispered. “We can still have your perfect proposal night.”

“Two proposals?”

“Ja, why not? I’ll still be excited.”

Gilles gave it a thought. “I’ll have to make things more romantic between us,” he murmured. “Just to throw you off so you don’t know when its coming.”

“Oooh,” Blitz said, draping his arms over Gilles’s shoulders. “I like the sound of that.”

They dazzled them with another sweeping, showstopping dipped kiss, because of course they did.

“I agree with Lion,” Finka laughed with a grin. “You two are disgusting.”

Blitz laughed into Gilles’s mouth, and flipped her off without looking away.

“Great, now those two set the standard for romantic proposals,” Maverick said.

“Does that mean we’re going to be competing now?” Castle said, perking up.

“I’ll win,” Valkyrie declared. “The rest of you might as well quit now..”

“Pfft, nah, man, if anyone’s winning that it's me.”

“You know, we French have romance in our blood,” Lion said. “I wouldn’t even have to try and I’d win.”

While they dissolved into bickering, the silent ones of their pairs all shared a look, realizing at once what their partners had implied.

Blitz and Monty still had yet to look up from their glitter makeout, oblivious to what they had just started.

#rainbow #rainbow 6 seige #rainbow 6 #dualrainbow #montagne #blitz #Valkyrie #finka #lion #doc #lion/doc #finka/Valkyrie #monty/blitz #gay #nonbinary #coming out #pride #lgbtq #lesbian #bi

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spiritualgateway · 4 years

Text

The crisis virus

written by Steven Black:

While you look around and get the impression that the whole world has gone crazy and is going nuts, you have to realize: This is all perfectly normal and has happened over and over again. With the pest plague, the cholera and the Spanish flu – people reacted with unreasonableness, resentment and rebellion, against ordered measures.

With the plague, people selectively believed that bad winds, an unfavorable constellation of Mars, Jupiter and Saturn or the contaminated water were to blame because the Jews were poisoning the wells. As a logical consequence of such thinking, persecution of Jews throughout Europe occurred. Entire Jewish quarters were burned down and their inhabitants murdered.

Oh yes, a punishment by God was also possible. Even then, in the early 14th century, quarantine and isolation were ordered – as a very late measure.

In the case of cholera, 1831, quarantine and isolation were also applied. From the chronicle of the german city Stettin of this time, one learns:

„The burial of the deceased, buried in a special newly built churchyard […] aroused fear and horror, especially among the lower classes of the inhabitants. These precautions were made even worse by the complete blockade of traffic, which deprived a large part of the inhabitants of their livelihoods and probably also their means of subsistence. The lower classes could not bear this state of affairs and, believing the most absurd rumors, saw in the precautions taken only the means to their perdition.

„The prolonged duration of the cordoning off increased the bitterness, the excitement grew with each passing day, so that the workers most affected were finally inclined to use force to overturn the hated coercive rules.

„…because the agitated crowd, misled by some troublemakers, was under the delusion that cholera and security measures were only being used „to exterminate the common rabble.

The Spanish Flu, 1918 – 1919, rolled over the globe in three successive waves and claimed millions of lives. Conjecture and conspiracy theories arose among the most diverse peoples. Some saw the disease as the devil’s work of German agents, and Germany was suspected of either using insidious biological weapons or poisoning aspirin tablets from the pharmaceutical manufacturer Bayer in order to win the world war. Another theory, widespread at the time, was that the flu had been imported from Spain in tins, which had been poisoned by the Germans who had brought the Spanish canneries under their control. Or it was oraculated that the cause was consequential damages of the war by poison gas missions, which were caused by the exhalations from the mountains of corpses of the battlefields. And of course there was also the evergreen that it was a punishment from God …

First with the second wave, the danger was really recognized and flu alarm systems were introduced, quarantines were imposed over ports and railroad stations, isolation stations in hospitals were set up. „Social Distancing“ was ordered, mass gatherings were prohibited. Schools, theaters, markets and churches were closed. The use of face masks and disinfectants was recommended and in some areas made mandatory by law.

Those who refused to wear face masks were fined. By the way, later studies proved that the prohibition of mass events and the requirement to wear a mouth-and-nose mask reduced the death rate in American cities by up to 50 percent. Where it was not prescribed by law, i.e. only announced as a recommendation, there were many more deaths. The same thing is currently happening in Sweden.

The Corona Virus – today

100 years after the Spanish flu, a new medical crisis is entering the global stage. And just as with the plague, cholera and Spanish flu, where fear and uncertainty accompanied the daily events, the most colorful rumors and theories are flourishing. There seems to be a lid for every pot.

Some political party sees the Corona virus as an obvious foreigner epidemic. Logically, migrants must be to blame for it too. Within the extreme right groups the old perennial argument is active that the Jews are to blame for Corona.

Many vaccination critics freak out at the name Bill Gates, who allegedly wants to decimate humanity and enslave it with microchips. He has the WHO, the media and Angela Merkel personally in his pocket. Then there are people who believe that the new 5 G technology is the real cause of the Corona virus. The Qanon community believes that the virus is merely an excuse for Donald Trump to free thousands of poor, tortured children from underground tunnels.

There are an ever increasing number of people who believe that the virus is nothing more than a normal flu. There is also the idea that this Corona virus does not exist – it would all be just an excuse to get rid of cash and have a controlled financial crash. The usual suspects also know exactly from whom and why – of course to enforce the infamous New World Order, either by the „Deep State“, the „Kabale“ or the „Illuminati“.

A few fundamentalist church officials also took up the same cause:

In a text entitled „A Call for the Church and for the World – to Catholics and all people of good will“, signed among others by the German Cardinal Gerhard Ludwig Müller and initiated by Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano, former Pontifical Ambassador to the USA, the Corona measures were sharply criticized. The signatories had previously spoken out against bans on worship because of the corona virus and they are all arch-conservative opponents of the current pope. The text stated: „It is a fact that under the pretext of the Covid 19 epidemic, in many cases inalienable rights of citizens have been violated and their fundamental freedoms have been disproportionately and unjustifiably restricted, including the right to freedom of religion, freedom of expression and freedom of movement.

It was further stated that there is reason to believe „that there are forces that are interested in creating panic among the population. Their goal is to permanently enforce „forms of unacceptable restriction of freedom and the associated control over persons and the persecution of all their movements“. „These illiberal attempts at control are the disturbing prelude to the creation of a world government that eludes all control“.

Personal note: By the way – dear church idiots: What about the „forms of unacceptable restriction of freedom“ of my mind, by your religious doctrine? Or „the associated control over persons“, where you let people slide around on their knees and establish a sense of sacrifice by having a figure nailed to a cross worshiped? But a „God’s world government“ would be all right with you, wouldn’t it?

Anyway, I don’t really expect an answer to that. But what else you should know – the signatories represent an arch-conservative, right-wing current within the Catholic Church. They fervently hate the current pope because he accepts homosexuality and divorce as facts of life and is open to pro-migration and capitalism-critical positions. It is also no coincidence that these clerics of all people are waving their fear of a „new world order“ around. The whole thing is organized by a notorious ultra-right-wing populist – namely Steve Bannon. The man who brought Donald Trump to power through tons of fake news and conspiracy theories.

By the way, there are strong indications that the art product „QAnon“, a fictitious Internet personality, is a product of Steve Bannon. He is the thinking head and mastermind of the so-called new right.

The American government, led by Donald Trump, sees itself as the victim of a Chinese conspiracy initiated either by a mysterious „Deep State“ or preferably by the Democrats – which is one and the same thing in his case. Evangelical clerics see the Corona virus as a punishment from God for homosexuality. A handful of doctors contradict the official statements and believe that the Corona virus is little more than a common flu. The population would get scared over nothing and wearing masks would be very unhealthy. And in the chest tone of conviction, many an empathy-free idiot rambles that it would only affect pre-existing patients who would have died soon anyway. You know, just collateral damage …

In the USA, the president himself is the main accelerator of emotional states. There were protests against the curfews in several US cities and about 3000 demonstrators, some of them armed and wearing Trump campaign caps and flags, took to the streets in Michigan. Encouraged by Donald, who tweeted „Free Michigan,“ dozens of gunmen entered the parliament building in the city of Lansing.

In Germany and Austria, people suddenly took to the streets and demonstrated against the corona measures of their government. Against an alleged panic-mongering, against an allegedly intended compulsory vaccination, against the curtailment of their basic rights, against an allegedly threatened freedom of opinion, against the obligation to wear masks, against an alleged „Corona dictatorship“, against a „New World Order“ by Bill Gates and much more. What one would not have thought possible before, happened now:

People who call themselves „leftists“, right-wing conservatives, neo-Nazis, people of the freeman movement, spiritual people, and also people who had never been involved with any of the groups mentioned before, stood together in a public square and chanted „We are the people“. And of course they did not wear masks, and of course they did not keep a „minimum distance“. With righteous indignation they held flyers in their hands where „The Basic Law“ is written on them and lamented a loss of it. Although the basic right to personal liberties was only limited due to the situation and receded into the background in favor of the basic right to personal integrity of EVERYONE, suddenly not only the Corona virus seemed to mutate.

A wide range of people suddenly mutated into virus specialists and health experts, legal luminaries and political insiders. It was not at all helpful if individual physicians and virologists publicly held different views, which are not in accordance with the scientific consensus. These people were suddenly elevated to „heroes of „truth“ and made anti-witnesses of the establishment.

Like moths to a flame, all the discontented, angry opponents of the system, critics of capitalism, right-wing populists pouring oil on the fire, bawling bald-headed people and „Merkel must go“ yellers flocked together and mingled with yoga practitioners, meditators, as well as people who simply wanted a „better system“. Emotional fire accelerators like KenFM, Sven Liebich, Lügenstöckl, NPD offshoots and various AFD supporters moderated the „happening“ and it did not take long until this situation led to the foundation of a new party – called „Resistance 2020“. Founded by Victoria Hamm, the Sinsheim swindle doctor Bodo Schiffmann and the Leipzig lawyer Ralf Ludwig.

The appeal of „Resistance 2020“ continued as long as Covid 19 and the restrictions imposed by governments were highly active. In the meantime this has abated. First the chairwoman Victoria Hamm stepped down from the party (because of internal differences of opinion), her replacement, the chairwoman of the supervisory board of „Humanimity“, Sandra Wesolek, also threw in the towel soon after. And now also the founder and vice-chairman of the party, Bodo Schiffmann, has left Resistance 2020. Only Ralf Ludwig remains, who keeps the coma patient „Resistance 2020“ alive.

In conclusion – it will not yet be completely silent about the topic Covid – 19, but it slowly fades in its importance. At least for the moment. If we are lucky and there will be no 2nd or third wave, it will stay that way.

Crisis intensification

Another topic has now captured the attention of the world, people and media – a topic that has never been completely absent: racism and police brutality in the USA.

The violent death of the African-American George Floyd, after a police operation, was followed by peaceful protests in the USA, but there were also riots and looting. And as in dealing with the corona virus, Donald Trump shifts to denial of the structural problem, puts the blame on others and does just about anything to pour even more fire into the heated atmosphere.

Under the hashtag #blackllivesmatter, which has been known since 2013 and is a name for an African-American civil rights movement, people are gathering again to demonstrate against state arbitrariness, police brutality and unfair treatment of dark-skinned people. Previous slogans of the movement, such as „Hands up, don’t shoot“, „White silence is violence“, „No justice, no peace“, „Is my son next?“ are being used again, including the now popular „I can’t breathe“ and „BlackOutTuesday“.

It is no longer just a movement of the „black community“. Within just a few days, numerous politicians, celebrities and large companies have raised their voices and spoken out in favor of the BlackLivesMatter movement. More and more representatives of the video game industry are also joining in. Sony, for example, has refrained from presenting the new Playstation 5 due to the current situation. But also companies like Microsoft, Activision, EA, Massive Entertainment, Square Enix, Bethesda, Naughty Dog, Disney, Marvel, Warner Bros, and many other global big players made clear statements against racism and expressed their solidarity. Over 50 influential companies have donated large sums of money to the movement.

Yes, Soros‘ Open Society Foundation is one of them (about $33 million), but is rather outdone by all others, especially FORD Foundation and Borealis Philanthropy (about $100 million). Also worthy of mention are the Hill-Snowden Foundation, Solidaire, the NoVo Foundation, the Association of Black Foundation Executives, the Neighborhood Funders Group-Funders for Justice, Anonymous Donors, and many more.

It is already becoming apparent that this issue could potentially break Donald Trump’s neck and prevent his re-election. „Poor Donald“, after his mismanagement in the Corona crisis became visible to everyone, now police brutality and racism challenge him. And here again he reacts headlessly and impulse-driven instead of showing presidential leadership. Instead he meets the problem in the familiar perpetrator-victim reversal tactic.

Incidentally, the same thing happens as in the Covid 19 demonstrations in Austria and Germany – extreme right-wing „withe supremacy“ agitators mingle with the demonstrators. They incite people and loot, start brawls and set fire to buildings. Incited by Donald Trump, who simply claimed that it was „the ANTIFA“ that was firing up the demonstrations, his followers do everything in their power to discredit the movement and make it look bad in the eyes of the public.

In a series of messages, a Twitter account called „Antifa US“ had called on protesters to march into neighborhoods and „take what is ours“. Twitter itself had cleared up the fact that behind this account „American Identity Movement“ is the extreme right-wing formerly known as „Identity Evropa“, that was behind the protest and deleted the account.

Blacklivesmatter is a movement that I wholeheartedly endorse. What I find less good about it is that this conglomeration of people is happening on the streets while the corona virus is still highly active in the world. There is also no question of keeping a distance, a large majority can be seen wearing masks during the protests, but not all of them. I fear that this will have some unpleasant consequences. But the German demonstrations against a „Corona dictatorship“ and against police arbitrariness and brutality by blacklivesmatter could not be more different.

The sense of demonstrating against a world domination by Bill Gates and an alleged forced chippings or because one is forced to wear a mask temporarily stinks against blacklivesmatter. This is about addressing really important issues of the human species. The core statement of „Blacklivesmatter“ is – “ stop treating us like shit!“

It did not take long, of course, for the rumor mill to start bubbling on this topic as well and the „usual suspects“ went peddling „THE truth“ about it to everyone. You know, from „it’s all a government diversion“ to George Floyd wouldn’t be dead. It would all be a false flag operation and George Soros would be behind the protests. Xavier Naidoo also tells his followers about it and although the man from Mannheim had his own experiences with racism, he is not too stupid to devalue the blacklivesmatter movement. He described the demonstrators who are now taking to the streets against racism and police violence as hypocrites. And ends with a whataboutism rant – „anyone who comes up with an organization called Black lives matter is a divider“.

Naidoo justified his statement by saying that for him all lives count. Sounds plausible on the surface but clearly demonstrates that he did not understand the fundamental problem at all. Naidoo parrots something he has probably read or heard from Alex Jones or another opponent from the disinformation movement. The blacklivesmatter movement has been struggling with such whataboutism arguments from the beginning, since 2013. Not surprisingly, „All Lives Matter“ is often used as a counter-argument by the racist „white supremacy“ groups.

Barack Obama found good words for this: „I think the reason why the organizers use the term „Black Lives Matter“ was not because they wanted to imply that other lives do not matter. They are saying that there is a specific problem in the African American community that does not exist in other communities. This is a legitimate problem that we need to address.

Sounds logical, right? It is. Let’s say you broke your arm and you go to the doctor. He won’t tell you – „all bones count“, but will turn to the current problem. The bone that is just broken. If your house is on fire, the fire department will not tell you “ all houses caunt“ – they will simply put out the fire.

If you come to blacklivesmatter with alllivesmatter, you are part of the problem not the solution. This tries to ignore or disguise the problem by directing the criticism behind it to another topic.

It is definitely crisis – and virus time

A virus form that is completely unknown to most people is going around and is at least as infectious as Covid 19. They are mental and emotional viruses. Positive, negative, destructive and constructive viruses of all kinds. Created by humans every day and they influence all humans, more or less.

We are usually not used to accept the idea that our thoughts as well as our feelings and the words we utter have substantial meanings. Substantial is literally meant here – both thoughts, emotions and words contain substances that act as carriers of their expression. Through which the respective content of thoughts, feelings/emotions and words is transported, which always involves an „inaudible“, complex bundling of frequencies and takes on form, sound and tones. We do not „just think“, we generate a thought form for it, depending on the intensity of our respective thoughts – a kind of „pale being“.

And we do not „just feel“, we generate emotional signatures that can be perceived, „read“, felt and recognized by other people, consciously or unconsciously. We do not „just talk“, our words always convey a large context of mental and emotional content. Whoever listens carefully can often discover contradictions in the words, because the transported feelings are not in harmony with them.

As the person we are, we resemble a piano. We are a musical instrument with many keys and tones, with which the most diverse vibration frequencies can be expressed. Depending on how well we have learned to handle our instrument and how the individual tones are tuned, it will decide how harmonious or disharmonious our personal sound, our own melody, is. Everything we think, feel, say or do sounds through us and creates sounds that are received by others.

The more sensitive a person is or the better he can listen, the more contents of his counterpart he will be able to perceive. How aware someone is or is not of these levels, however, is basically irrelevant. The thought forms, emotional content, sounds and frequencies of other people are also perceived unconsciously. Basically, we all speak through individualized codes – the spoken or written words mean nothing in themselves. The linear arrangement of symbols (letters) that form words has a meaning for us because they are charged with emotional and mental sounds that form a kind of overall picture. We all encode such images on a daily basis and send them out from us. And we all decode every day a huge accumulation of sent consciousness images – which we have either seen, heard or read.

How much we are influenced by the opinions of other people or media – their generated images – depends to a large extent on our own identity structure. And on the respective topics that are founded in it.

Our exchange of information and images becomes a virus – either constructive or destructive – when it spreads in wide circles and becomes more and more emotionally charged. Our thoughts, emotions and the words we speak not only influence ourselves, but also other people. This means we infect other people with our ideas. And other people infect us with their ideas. If an idea or assertion fascinates, impresses, captivates or outrages us, it can go so far that we forget the origin and, spurred on by the charge of an idea, run amok with it.

All of us together are embedded in a collective frequency field, which is reflected in personal, national and global situations. None of us is virtually „an island“, we all manipulate and influence each other. We can hardly escape this, unless we have no contact to other people anymore. But even then it would probably be difficult to escape the collective astral field.

The collective field contains positive, negative, destructive and constructive viruses of all kinds. We encounter emotional and mental viruses all the time, but nowhere in such a concentrated form as in the „social media“. In this respect, the Internet is a single, gigantic virus slingshot. And all of us who make use of it cannot get away with it.

The opinion of others

The technical development of the Internet has made it possible for us to be exposed to a storm of opinions and views on a daily basis in a way that has never been possible before. About 22,510 GB of data are fed into the Internet every second. That is about 2 billion GB per day (exactly 1,944,864.00 GB [2015]). YouTube has a monthly data volume of about 16 Exabyte (Exabyte = 1018 Byte). About 3 million videos per hour are consumed on YouTube. There are 1. 012 315 000 websites on the net. About 16 million of these websites are hacked annually.

About 4 million new blog entries are written every day, 80 million photos are uploaded to Instagram, 618 million „tweets“ are posted – that is 7130 tweets per second. Facebook processes 2.5 billion pieces of content, 2.7 billion likes and 300 million photos every day. All in all, this adds up to a daily data volume of more than 500 terabytes, just for FB alone. About 4 billion search queries are made daily via Google and 10 billion videos are viewed on YouTube. And these numbers will increase, the rush on our inner senses will become more and more intense.

One drama after the other is being chased through the internet every day. An ever-increasing number of bloggers and websites vie for our daily attention. And hardly anybody takes the time to ask themselves, is it really true what I hear or read? What is it really about? And what would be even more important: Does it really have anything to do with ME? Is this really MINE? Or did I just get infected with an emotional virus that is related to a personal topic?

Although we humans generally assume that we have reasonable opinions and justifiable arguments, or that we see the world with clear eyes – this is rarely the case. Each of us lives in our own reality and we all believe that the world is as we secretly assume it to be. The perspective of how we see the world is largely based on the filter of our own beliefs.

One of the effects that has come through the Internet is the amazing development that many people have become aware of how the mainstream press often reports manipulatively or at least with omission – and sometimes doesn’t present the whole picture. By the way, this is not the fault of the press. Nobody can cover all sides of a story, and certainly not in a single article. If you want to know halfway exactly what’s going on, you have to make an effort yourself and look at different perspectives. But the same people then believe every shit that somebody says on YouTube. Actually, many people today don’t believe anything anymore.

But „alternative facts“ to the corona crisis, you believe them. Doctors who are not virologists or virologists who have not been up to date in this field for a long time, we listen to them more than to the top specialists.

We believe that a statesman who uses victim reversal as a means of perpetration. People who lament with a chest sound of the conviction that the Basic Law is in danger – we let ourselves be influenced by that. We reject a black civil rights movement because we allow ourselves to be persuaded that this means that not all lives count. One encounters „BlackLivesMatter“ with WhiteLivesMatter or „AllLivesMatter. Or if someone once again complains – „you’re not allowed to say all this anymore“ – we agree with indignation. Not realizing that he/she has just said it on Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, blogs, etc. Which of course leads the statement ad absurdum, but somehow we don’t really notice it anymore.

A youth movement for environmental awareness, „Friday for future“, is met with „Friday for poverty in old age“. Renewable forms of energy, such as wind turbines that generate renewable electricity, are met with „but they kill innocent insects“. If you read somewhere, in any newspaper, that right-wing extremist violence has increased again in the last year, you don’t have to wait long for someone to comment „hey, what about left-wing violence? A women’s movement for sexual abuse and violence is countered with the argument that there is also abuse of women against men. An African-American movement against police brutality and structural racism is countered with „and what about racism against whites? Particularly deep-seated – „what about racism against Germans?

What is actually wrong with us?

Why do we let „whataboutism arguments“ manipulate us? Why can’t we see through the transparency of such cheap maneuvers and recognize that they distract us from the actual core of a situation or a justified criticism and divert our attention to another area?

Besides all the positive and constructive things the Internet stands for, there is also a dark side to it. Among other things it is misused for a modern form of witch hunts and witch burning. Angela Merkel, Greta Thunberg, Barack Obama, George Soros, Bill Gates, the Rothschilds, Rockefeller and many other public figures are burned at some Internet stake every day, applauded and cheered. And this comes not only from the right, but from all sides. If you look at the comments on such postings, you can observe the violent reactions, where a storm of indignation, anger and hatred is unleashed, which is then projected onto the designated persons.

The art of differentiation seems to have become a lost art.

There is such a variety of information and opinions, often colored by interests, sometimes just imaginatively lied about and only partially true, that it would basically take some time and energy to separate the facts from rumors and lies. A personal effort that hardly anyone is willing to put in, or perhaps doesn’t have the time.

But that is what we all have to learn.

Media competence

Without media competence, we run the risk of drowning in the flood of information. Not only reading texts, but also watching YouTube videos or films today requires more and more critical discernment. The critical filtering of information, comments, text content and the images offered in addition, is proving to be an ever increasing challenge. Today, for every x any topic, completely different and often contradictory opinions are in circulation. And we are experiencing the phenomenon that people often only read the headlines of articles and not the whole article. The attention threshold has become extremely low for some people. Headlines alone can lead to emotional convulsions …

It is important that we learn to understand how communication works and how information affects us. When we read or hear words, we don’t just sort the meaning of the words and sum them up in a particular context. We also record all the unsaid, the energetic, mental and emotional signatures that the speaker or writer gives to their words. It is already scientifically known that in communications, brains are synchronized. To a synchronization of brain waves that goes beyond mere speech processing. It will not be long before we discover that this synchronization does not only occur in spoken communication, but in any kind of communication, even when the information is transported via screens.

If we identify with what someone writes or says because something within us resonates with it, then synchronization occurs with the mental, intellectual and emotional content that is presented to us. Emotional content of all kinds affects the heart field, the glands and the electrochemical energies of the body, i.e. the energetic environment in the body, which causes either an increase or decrease of the personal energy level.

The question that arises is, what do I focus my personal attention on? And can I think for myself or do I simply take over every piece of information offered to me, which includes concepts and perspectives from other people that I usually don’t even know? If we take over everything that strangers prepare for us, we are condemned to walk around with concepts that are not our own.

But the only person who has a responsibility here, what kind of information he lets into his system, is me. The only person who is able to differentiate between the information and my personal feeling about it is me. The only one who can learn to check the opinions of others is me. Nobody will do that for me.

Nevertheless, it is also true that constant effort, investigation, checking and research is no guarantee for a secure knowledge – sometimes you are simply confronted with the fact that you cannot know at the moment! But you can learn to endure that.

What we see is in my eyes, in many respects, an expression of a massive crisis of orientation and a resulting upheaval. Humanity is beginning to define itself anew, once again. We are moving from an age where people were rather „prisoners of their consciousness“ and their experience, to an epoch where people understand that they are NOT their consciousness. But that his consciousness is an attribute, a quality, his very own being and his creative power. And how this is expressed, lies in his very personal responsibility.

The old psychological self of humanity, which accepted oppression of the weak, predator capitalism, perpetrator-victim conversion, wars, exploitation of earth and humanity, will be replaced. But this old energy is struggling for survival. Hard and fierce. We are far from being through this.

One thing can be sure – the next crisis is waiting. And again it will be driven through the Internet village in an over-dramatized way. Where will you stand then? To which side will you then give your spiritual support? What will you be guided by? Your reason and your own views after you have dealt with the situation to some extent or will you follow the emotional pull that was triggered by the opinions of others?

What kind of sound will you add to the overall melody?

Until next time same station

DISCLAIMER: Nothing you read here is THE truth. It is my truth. My perception and how I see things – now, in this moment.

THE INFORMATION SPACE

#crisis #virus #consciousness

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icharchivist · 3 years

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I’m glad to be seeing more post about the bullshit going on in France right now and tumblr actually not being dismissive for once, but with how much there is to catch back some infos don’t make the posts and i never know if i should bring them up or not

when we say systematic islamophobia is getting very bad in France we do mean it (see this post that sums it up well), we need to also mention that recently there’s been discussions of new laws that are less flashy and less obvious in their intention to harm Muslim people yet, imo, are even more insidious and worth talking about.

-There’s been discussion of an amendment to limit the topics being allowed to be discussed on university ground, mainly that we should “not discuss anything that discourage our laicity values” and “we shouldn’t encourage or allow islamic ideas”. The amendment itself is worded so that it’s just “not discussing things that do not align with the values of our country” which means that any topic and conversation the state may deem “unfit to the republic” could actually be censored, real censor. The main target at the moment remains Muslim people, and the right to defend their human rights in university, as well as the right to explore and study their culture in cultural studies.

-Meanwhile on a related note the government is also trying to pass laws to limit student protests in universities, right after this announcement was made. Protests on university ground could lead up to 3 years in prison. Student protests have been the core of a lot of civil rigths movement in France and a lot of the support for the communities in danger has happened in university ground. To target specifically the university, actually trying to limit the “freedom of speech” France loves to say they fight for, is also a clear move to try to cull the way people has been protesting about those laws being passed against Muslim people.

-(same as the first article, but it’s a wider problem) the state is starting to target anyone on the left that speak up to protect Muslim people by qualifying them of “islamo-gauchiste” (islamo-lefty). It is becoming a wider problem (the moment you link a political party to “your enemy” anything the political party says can be used to discredit them even if it’s unrelated to “the enemy”.), and it’s important to mention that the government believe universities are the core of the problem because it’s where “people become radicalized to the left and in defense of Muslim people”.

-Currently they’re also trying to pass laws to “forbid prayers at school” (also here), to not allow students to “pray” in “school’s corridors” anymore. This one baffles me because it is not a wide spread phenomena (and as many people brought up, students praying in corridors is often because they’re being anxious about exams anyway why is that that big of a deal), but the exemple taken to justify why it’s a thing that must be done only targets Muslim people and the way they pray, not Catholic people or the likes.

-Another thing i almost forgot is the fact that they’re trying to pass laws to put back into question the notices you can get from doctors to not go to class specifically to target Muslim girls. This one is going to be hard to explain, especially since i’m finding only an older article and not the newest polemic. In France we have sport classes that include swimming class, it’s mandatory, unless you get a doctor’s notice mentioning you cannot do this specific class for whatever health reasons. As mentioned in the first post i linked, it is especially a problem for Muslim girls since modest swimsuits are also forbidden. Any students, no matter their background, has the possibility to ask their doctor to make (fake?) health notice in order to avoid such class, especially a class that requests you to be half naked in front of your peers. currently the government is trying to discuss a way to allow teachers to REFUSE those notices if they believe they are fake. This is especially made to target Muslim girls who have done this sort of notice to escape having to be half naked in sport class. As usual with this post, note how it’s going to screw over as well any people who for any reasons do not want to do sports (which is within their rights, some of the sports are extremely demanding), and especially throwing under the bus disabled people if their disability isn’t obvious to the teachers.

and i’m forgetting so much more because the government keeps throwing those possible laws out now, at the moment, while we’re still all in lockdown where we can be penalized if we go down the streets to protest, while most of the university are closed (which also brings home the disgusting irony of passing this many laws about “what happens in the university” while none of us can even set a foot in those university for over a year).

A lot of them are pretty obvious in what they’re targeting, some others are trying to pass under the radar and pretend like it’s not because of Islamophobia. It is. It always is. And if this is not enough to be furious, each of those laws can be abused against any other group if the government sees fit eventually - their vagueness to protect themselves from the (rightful) accusation of islamophobia is ultimately setting up for this vagueness to be taken advantage of.

#don't want to put it into tags bc i don't feel like i'm the most qualified to talk about this topc #idk if you should reblog?? but if you follow me and want to know more i guess it's a vague run down of some insidious issues #there is a lot more going on in France at the moment but this is on the islamophobia topic #if we add to things there is still the issue of the way the poorer social classes were getting screwed over by the gov #and the pandemic made it a hundred time worse #there's the issues with the handling of the pandemic #and so many recounts of police brutality that had Amnesty international call out the state for being on the fascist slipper road #it's been years that the police brutality issues are raising up and up targetting everyone who comes to protest #but also minorities they can afford to just beat up #there was a scandal a few months back of the police entering the place of a black musician to just beat him up #under the pretense of 'he was seen not wearing his mask outside' and he 'showed resistance' by... going home....#except they were filmed and the whole thing proved 1) he was wearing a mask 2) he was going home anyway 3) they broke into his home #anyway it's not like i'm the best news sources either though so if you aRE interested you can look things up #trying to keep up with everything is A Lot and i'm getting lost with all the infos we get #but yeah. France is doing pretty bad and that's what we mean when we say it feels like fascism raising up #next year are the new elections and i am terrified of what may come of it #guh #ichatalks #ichasalty #????

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Do u think Alec and raphael would have good relationship on the show after the finale? You have good metas about Raphael and I wanted to ask do you think Alec punching him was justified? Or could be redeemed?

ive talked about the punching before and i think the punching... was definitely not in any way justified, it wasn't rapha's fault, it was IZZY who fucking roped him into addiction not the other way around lol. but also alec didnt know that so i kinda get why he did it cuz that's his little sister and at the end of the day if you see your little sibling in a situation where it looks like they're being hurt it's punch first ask questions later

at the same time, i cant pretend racism didnt have something to do with his immediate assumption that it was rapha's fault (both because he's a vampire and because he's latino and of course latinos are All Predatory Sexy Drug Dealers) despite the fact that rapha wasn't hurting izzy at all. but there was also a lot of context that would point in that direction cuz he knew izzy was suffering because of addiction and that she was roped into it and then he saw a vampire feeding on her so like. i wouldnt ask questions either y'know?

so like alec definitely wasn't right about it and it wasn't justified but i don't exactly fault him for it either. i fault the writing for never questioning the whole "rapha was the one who roped izzy into it" narrative or the punch, and for having MAGNUS of all people be judgemental or rapha. magnus who knew rapha back when he was addicted. magnus who helped him recover. magnus who KNEW he had been clean for decades and how hard he worked towards that. magnus who knows rapha's heart better than anyone and knows how much he cares and that he'd never ever do this... just fucking assumed it was rapha's fault. bullshit. sorry that's just complete and utter bullcrap

so i don't find the writing redeemable but i do think the punch is something they could have worked out, if alec apologized to him and said that it wasn't his fault and they actually talked about it. but that would have to happen, you know? it cant just be like, we move on now. especially because obviously a part of rapha blames himself for the yin fen thing which is INSANE. izzy was the one who triggered and used him, not the other way around. that couldnt have been more obvious, its not debatable and the only reason ppl even entertain the idea that rapha was at fault is racism

and like look izzy is not a monster or whatever she was literally desperate enough to put her life on the line for vampire venom (like when she showed up at the den) but that doesnt make it any less true that she triggered rapha's addiction on purpose several times. the circumstances make it not be Pure Evil on her part, but they dont make it any less awful for raphael. and while i still mostly like izzy and think she's "redeemable", i fully understand those who don't and even agree with their reasoning honestly, especially because sh never acknowledged her fucked up actions and the fandom treats that plotline in a completely izzy-centric way despite the fact that rapha was in a way, WAY worse position than her

and i only find her redeemable assuming that she 1- took the full fault for what happened; 2- apologized to rapha; 3- tried to make things right. not in a catholic Feeling Guilty way but as in like trying to help raphael way - like finding him a support group for example. which is what i hc happened in my version of sh where things make sense and the writing isn't racist shit

anyway anyway. yes i could see alec and rapha working it out. i can't really see a close relationship, tho. first, because at the end of the day alec is on izzy's side first and foremost even if he's willing to admit she was at fault, and while i think that obviously rapha has forgiven her and they have like, positive feelings for each other, distance between him and izzy is not only present but good for them both and especially for rapha. so i can't see them being close. beyond that, i don't see much rapha and alec have in common besides loving magnus with their whole hearts and being autistic

i guess they have similar senses of humor so i could see them having some whispered conversations where they roast the attendees at a clave event or something, but they dont last long and mostly rapha is focused on, you know, his friends, partners, family, his clan. and i also think it would take rapha a loooong time to fully trust alec with magnus, because well... alec did fuck up plenty of times lmao and rapha knows better than anyone that as good intentioned as the lightwoods may be they have a lot of potential to really fucking hurt downworlders, and he's seen it happen to magnus already. but also alec does have magnus' happiness as his first priority and more and more so as time goes by, so i think eventually hed grow to trust alec. he was obviously happy at their wedding and he knew how much that meant for him, so

so i think they'd have, like. a neutral-to-positive relationship with each other (especially as time goes by and rapha begins to trust alec more and the yin fen thing feels less raw) and might even team up and trust each other to have their backs in battle and stuff like that, but i cant really see them being super close. but like thats okay and it works, and besides, neither of them would want to have magnus choose, so they interact with each other just fine and as long as magnus is happy, theyre happy, really

#addiction tw #racism tw #anti izzy lightwood #cursed yin fen plotline #ask #anonymous #sh #raphael santiago #anti rizzy

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excatholicatheistace · 3 years

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My Cult Story Part II: A Prayer to Take Authority

If you missed part one, go look for it! I'm sharing about how I accidentally joined an obscure Catholic Charismatic cult as a college student and endured Spiritual Abuse (Trigger Warning!).

The alleged Visionary who started the group (The official name of the group was "the Sharers of the Word") was a woman out of Canada named Frances Phillips. She claimed to hear the voice of God like we hear our friends and neighbors speaking to us. God allegedly gave her messages about how to navigate the modern world, particularly about how to unlock the gifts of the Holy Spirit and about the dangers of Satan and Demons.

It's hard to find information about her as the group kept things very secretive. Her writings are hiding where only a select few people can find them. She claims God instructed this because, "People would only misunderstand them." And so, instead of sharing her writings with the world, she developed a model where she taught a select few people (one of them being our leader, Fr. Brad) the teachings and they would bring them out to people in the form of prayer groups. This was supposed to help retain accuracy.

It's been over a decade since I was in the group and I realized I never tried to seek out other survivors. So, I tried to find any evidence of this group existing, hoping to find an obscure forum somewhere where people talked about the abuse they went through (or even just mention of a prayer meeting). But if it ever was searchable via Google, they did a great job of scrubbing the internet. I think it's more likely that people are too intimidated or isolated to talk about it. (I have reached out to some of my peers at the time and none of them have felt comfortable talking about their experiences in any sort of public fashion).

The only things I was able to find after searching for days:

- A Public Facebook group called "Sharers of the Word on the Rez." The group doesn't seem very active. The person running it posts a YouTube video with prayers every so often imploring people to try to get to 2,000 Hail Marys.

- A few blogs where it was obvious that the priests running them had encountered the group and were utilizing some of the teachings, but never said they were affiliated with them officially.

-And (for some reason this one unsettles me and I can't explain why): one of the prayers Frances Philips wrote to help "combat evil." It exists on a few different websites. None of them attribute the prayer to her or to any author.

The prayer is called A Prayer to Take Authority. I don't want to take up too much room by adding it here, but if you Google it, you should be able to find it easily. The prayer is about using your authority via baptism and the Name of Jesus to to bind evil spirits in the air, water, ground, etc.

I always found the prayer odd when I was in the group. I was Catholic at the time and this was supposedly a Catholic Group, but Catholics don't really believe lay people should "take authority" over spirits without proper training. The friar who was teaching us assured us that this prayer was given to Frances Phillips directly from God and that it had a "powerful anointing attached to it." We were supposed to pray it every single day in the morning before we "prayed for the anointing*" otherwise demons could ruin our prayer time and we wouldn't receive the anointing*. They also encouraged you to pray it before entering a car, before going to Mass, before taking exams, before bed, and any time you felt like you were experiencing a "spiritual attack" (something they believed to be a common experience that most people simply aren't aware of).

*"The Anointing" is Frances Phillip's main teaching. It's supposedly a manifestation of the Holy Spirit upon you that guided you throughout the day. They claimed you could feel the anointing on your hands as a tingling or burning sensation when you open your hands in an open posture to receive it. They also claimed you might feel it on your head, like oil dripping down. You could lose the anointing if you sinned or otherwise went against God's will. You can receive the anointing in many ways, but they believed the most powerful way was to pray A Prayer to Take Authority and then do Praise and Worship (complete with tongues). There was a formula for the Praise and Worship for it to be the most affective as well, always ending with the same song (https://hymnary.org/text/spirit_of_the_living_god_fall_iverson)

I ended Part One by sharing how Fr. Brad told me not to go home for the summer. He warned me about the evil spirits there and that I would miss out on "blessings" because everyone else was going to Canada to meet with a peer of his (another understudy of Frances Phillips), who had a powerful gift of healing. He told me that this would be my opportunity to receive the Gift of Healing for myself (He knew I was drawn to it, because I wanted so desperately to help people).

I do genuinely feel like this was an attempt to isolate me from my biggest support system, my family. Luckily, I didn't listen, but as I left I felt a deep sadness at the possibility of missing out on something that I cared deeply about (The Gift of Healing). On top of that, all my friends were staying and were going to Canada with him. I was the only one who didn't stay behind.

That summer I didn't pray A Prayer to Take Authority every day and I didn't pray for the Anointing every day despite calls from the friars. They reminded me of the dangers I was encountering at home and implored me to keep my guard up. But, deep down I knew it was bullshit and I just lived my life.

(To be continued)

#ex cult #ex religious #ex catholic #ex christian #tw cults #my story #religious trauma #atheist #agnostic #atheism

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janiedean · 4 years

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could you explain calvinism to me and its stance on redemption

*deep breath* thiiisss iisss gonna beee funnnnn

so tldr basics: calvinism is a form of protestantism born out of martin luther’s schism from the catholic church in 1517 - as in, protestants were christians who rejected the catholic church and in the beginning you’d count just lutherans, but as luther’s thought was ‘reject the pope and interpret the bible like you want/read your own bible/no church-like hyerarchy’ basically from then on if you’re a christian but don’t follow the catholic church and you’re not an ortodox or an aryan or any of the pre-schism christian confessions you’re a protestant. to understand even further what we mean, any christian confession in the usa at the moment that’s not catholics is by nature protestant in itself.

now, specifically: calvinism was founded by mr john calvin, an asshole from france who then went to die in switzerland for a fucking reason but nvm that, and was lately adopted specifically in the netherlands for reasons that will be obvious and basically I’m not gonna bore you with the theological details but basically like one of the main points were luther/calvin diverged from the catholic church is the concept of predestination which is what has fucked us over here, SO.

predestination is... a thing that’s actually not in the bible per se but st augustine decided it was a thing and fuck him sideways but basically like according to augustine your destiny is predestined since the moment you’re born, like god already knows if you’re going to hell or not and sure af you’re not going to paradise if you’re not baptized, but if you are predestined or not unless like god spoke to you directly or smth so you just have to behave like a good christian and hope that god liked you enough bc otherwise you’d do good things to get in heaven and that’s not how it works. the catholic church, which has instead always camped for the free will theory (as in you have free will and what you do lands you in either hell or heaven but god doesn’t like... lock you with that even if he creates you), has pretended this theory never existed until martin luther basically brought that up again while redefining his own take on christianity.

now: luther basically said that augustine was right and predestination existed but you can’t know where you’re going and like fuck luther very much, but our problem is that CALVIN instead not only embraced that, but brought it a notch further.

now, point in case: according to calvinism, predestination exists AND you can actually know where the fuck you’re ending up based on how well you fare in life. so: if you’re poor/do bad things/end up in jail then you’re headed straight for hell, if you’re rich/do well you’re going to heaven, if you’re rich and then lose your money and become poor then sorry that was trolling you go to hell, if you’re poor and get rich then TROLLED! you go to heaven.

now basically the thing is that in catholicism if you have free will you’re basically open to anything bc you might have done something bad but if you repent then you can do well after and that will weigh for your future heaven points - and like catholicism banked on the concept that if you repent even ten minutes before you die that’s enough you have a shot at heaven after you know going to purgatory and that everyone is potentially a good person/can get into god’s graces (we all heard about the prodigal son didn’t we). therefore in a catholic-driven narrative redemption Is A Thing where if you like... realize you did wrong and want to get better you don’t die and actually do fucking better because the entire point is that if everyone can be redeemed... first they have to realize it and then they have to actually ACT ON IT and be the good person they could be and then they go to heaven. fun!

in calvinism... this thing doesn’t exist because the entire point in case is that if you do bad things/are born poor and don’t get out of it on your own blah blah basically we all know you’re going to hell so what’s the fucking point in being a good person? you can’t be a good person because you’re going to hell, therefore this whole redemptive death thing that’s so hot for us media is because since the us is a calvinist society (more on that in a moment) if the bad guy is by nature headed to hell then redeeming themselves in death is... the only sensed thing they could ever do because they can’t actually be good people since they’re predestined to be bad and we knew since the beginning, so if they actually do one good thing in their death here redemption we have it it’s not like they could live to be better anyway.

so basically: calvinism doesn’t conceive that redemption exists as a thing that actually makes you a better person bc it doesn’t have space in its entire theology for the idea that people actually can get better or that being born in a certain circumstance doesn’t mean you can’t be something better.

re us media: the founding fathers were... pilgrims who came from england who were calvinist puritans, called puritans because even the other protestants in england thought they were too fucking extremist and they were the ones who founded us society so while the us constitution is a pretty damn good one bECAUSE IT’S ENLIGHTENED CAME DIRECTLY FROM THE FRENCH, the entire... built... blood and bone of us society is basically calvinist because the entire concept that you don’t need welfare, you have to pay for your own school medical expenses and that you need to join the military to get out of poverty and basically poor people can fuck off and die is all rooted in ‘rich people go to heaven poor people go to hell’ which considering that the us is also the reign of capitalism..... well. 2+2 = 4. XDD and that’s why 80% of us media that doesn’t come from a) people of jewish descent b) people who grew up catholics, c) atheists coming from all groups is fixed on this redemptive death bullshit thing. thanks for coming to my ted talk ;)

(re a) b) and c): there’s a lot to be discussed on that matter but basically you can notice where each single us writer who doesn’t conform to calvinist notions come from just looking at how they handle a narrative but like... as I said once you can see that grrm is an ex catholic atheist bc all his characters who actually have redemption arcs don’t FUCKING DIE THE SECOND THEY REALIZED THEY DID WRONG and that kurt vonnegut is an ex protestant atheist bc all his books are about how people have to escape from fixed lives/situations and the moral is that everyone has to be kind to others and not hoard money while jewish writers have a whole... other set of rules they go by so whatever I’m rambling but XDD)

#social justice calvinism #calvinism for ts #megashadowdragon #ask post

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yetanotherbuffyblog · 3 years

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It’s a trap!

Well that hurt.

We start with a Potential running from First minions, and luckily she gets saved by a preacher in a pickup. Except not, because it turns out he’s one of the First’s people, and the boss of the First cult. And he marks and stabs her to give a message to Buffy, and she’s picked up by Willow who is taking Faith with her.

Faith just got out of jail and she’s here to help! Things are a bit tense with her around, but kind of settles as best as she’s able? Which is good because Buffy’s going to be home a lot more. Wood fired her, reasoning that she has more important things to do and also barely anyone’s at school anymore. When the stabbed Potential wakes up and delivers the message, which is “I have something of yours,” Buffy decides, against logic and reason and good advice, to go attack him.

For Reasons.

This goes about as badly as you’d imagine. They scout the place out first, and have a group outside to wait and see if it’s a trap first, but they ended up with their butts handed to them, because Caleb is surprisingly strong. Rona gets a broken arm. Dianne and Molly get killed. And on the retreat, Caleb takes out one of Xander’s eyes.

So not a great day for Team Slayer.

Notes!

-Nathan Fillion’s in this series?!?

-Faith’s back! Faith is… I think she deserved more narrative, the more I think about her character. Is she on Angel? I really should watch Angel. I have mixed feelings on whether or not I’ll be doing blog posts for that too, considering how long it’s been taking me to do these, but it might be worthwhile.

-Xander has a dream in which he’s about to start a threesome with two of the Potentials, and even before the door opens to show a massive lingerie pillow fight I had a suspicion that it was a dream. Look, Joss Whedon gets a lot of flack, but I don’t think he’d be *that* overt of a perv for the audience.

-Nathan Fillion’s preacher acts like he’s a Southern Proestant preacher, but he dresses like a Catholic priest, so I’m not sure what we’re supposed to be getting from him.

-It was very risky to stab someone in the gut if he wanted to have his victim send a message.

-How does Andrew know about Faith? His narration of her backstory is fun.

-“We’re good,” followed by “You’re fired.” I do get that he explains that she’s got better things to handle, and there’s barely anyone at school anymore. But it also feels very much like he’s doing it out of spite for what happened. Which, uh… I mean I think it’d be uncomfortable all around for everyone.

-Faith smokes? Did I know that already? I don’t know. Either way kids, don’t smoke: it’s bad for you.

-Spike and Faith sitting next to each other on a bed smoking is certainly, uh, suggestive.

-Why would this preacher guy be working for the First Evil?? (The description of an upcoming episode seems to indicate that we’ll get answers).

-Also Caleb has the most obvious trap set up? He sends a message that he has something of Buffy’s, and then she just.. Decides that they have to go in NOW because Buffy thinks this will somehow surprise the guy. They at least scout the place first, but it’s still a really, REALLY dumb plan.

-Xander’s advice that you go for the eyes or vitals rather than dealing with flailing limbs--that’s good advice.

-The Potentials storyline vaguely reminds me of the Black Tower storyline in Wheel of Time.

-Buffy keeps a lot of the Potentials outside under the impression that it’s necessarily safer? That’s not… they’re still out in the open, in a bad position.

-OH DANG CALEB’S STRONG

-You know if anyone had a gun, they could just shoot Caleb in the head and it’d be dealt with. I think; if he’s super strong he might not be killable by usual means.

-They must have had fun making all those barrels that could easily break and burst out with wine.

-WHAT THE FUDGE, TAKING OUT XANDER’S EYE

-According to TV Tropes Xander was originally supposed to DIE in the episode, but they decided there wasn’t enough time to do a proper storyline about a death of one of the main characters, so they just did this instead.

-I’m still not over how stupid Buffy’s plan was here. Everything about this setup spelled ‘trap’ and she went in anyway. And if she was of the opinion that Caleb actually had something important, it would be one thing if she tried to go about this smart and it blew up in her face. But while she does take some precautions, Buffy seems to not even seriously consider that this is most definitely a trap and try to work around that.

Buffy’s smarter than this! C’mon! And I get that she’s under a lot of stress and desperate for a win right now. Doesn’t excuse how stupid it is to rush in like this. Of COURSE it ends in disaster!

#7x18 #Buffy Summers #Spike #Faith Lehane #Willow Rosenberg #Xander Harris #Caleb #The First

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murasaki-murasame · 4 years

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Thoughts on Higurashi Gou Ep18

This week in Higurashi, things are relatively peaceful and mundane, which somehow has me just as nervous as all the shit that went down in the last arc.

Thoughts under the cut.

The preview images we got obviously included stuff from Matsuribayashi flashbacks, but I guess now we know that the entire episode was focused on Matsuribayashi and it’s aftermath, with no follow-up to the end of Nekodamashi. I think we’re going to spend a few more episodes on this flashback [which feels like a weird way to describe it since we’re dealing with new post-Matsuribayashi content, but it still happens chronologically before Gou], and to me this makes it feel more likely that when we cut back to the end of Nekodamashi, Satoko will get stopped before she can shoot Rika, and that arc will continue on and be the ‘true ending’ of Gou. Unless this ends in a super tragic and depressing way, which I guess is possible if they really lean into this being a Bernkastel origin story.

Anyway, at this point it looks like we’re just going back and seeing what happened with Satoko between 1983 and 1988 that convinced her to make some sort of a deal to go back in time and punish Rika for her sins, and it’s nice to finally start getting some answers. We haven’t really figured out anything to do with the mechanics of the different murders of the first three arcs happened, but we’re getting a much clearer image of Satoko’s backstory and her motives.

There’s still clearly a lot left to happen to her since things only really come to a head in 1988, but this episode already sets the stage for showing how the whole friend group is starting to break apart over time, and how all the traditions and norms of the village are starting to change. On the one hand it’s really satisfying to see this sort of pay-off after everything that happened in the VN, but on the other hand it makes sense that it all ends up just making Satoko feel alienated and abandoned by everyone.

Even on top of stuff like Mion graduating and Rika wanting to go to St Lucia’s, there’s also other stuff going on like Keiichi taking over the club and removing all the tricks and schemes that Satoko liked about the club games, and the village heads publicly putting an end to the dam war, and declaring the curse as basically just being a myth.

Even after everyone met Hanyuu and found out about the true nature of the curse, I can see how Satoko wouldn’t be very happy about having everything with the curse and the dam war cast aside and moved on from. It’s a good thing in the long run, but it doesn’t really erase all of the stuff it caused Satoko to go through.

We also found out about how the disease is starting to clear up all on it’s own, probably as a result of Hanyuu’s big change of heart and her deciding to ‘go to sleep’ after the events of Matsuribayashi, which Satoko at least seemed happy about, but it makes me wonder what happens with Satoshi after all this. One of the big reasons why Satoko’s motives for starting this new loop confused me is just because Satoshi should have already been cured by 1988, so even if Satoko had begun drifting away from her friends and having to adjust to life at a shitty Catholic boarding school, she’d at least have her brother back. But this is making me wonder if maybe he never actually gets cured, and if that might be part of why she’s looping in the first place.

Even with the disease disappearing over time, it’s possible that Satoshi had basically gone past the point of no return, and that even if they woke him from his coma, he’d never properly recover. Or maybe he ends up getting killed, directly or indirectly, as part of the clinic being shut down.

And on the whole topic of Satoshi, we also didn’t hear anything about Shion in this episode, which also makes me wonder how she’d respond to whatever happens to Satoshi in the future, and what her relationship with the club ended up being like. It also feels like one of the reasons why Rika and Satoko are going to St Lucia’s in the first place rather than any other school might just be so that Satoko can end up interacting with Shion there, but I’ll get back to that in a minute.

Aside from that, the whole scene where Rika and Satoko talked about how they both disliked how Keiichi was getting rid of the dirty tricks in the club games, and how ‘Rika’s pure soul had been tainted from all the games she and Satoko played’ just felt like they were going out of their way to mess with people like me who want more Bern and Lambda content, lmao. That whole scene really makes it obvious how those two end up with the sort of relationship they have in Umineko. It’s an extreme, exaggerated version of them playing games together that involve foul play and punishments. Also, I feel like both Rika and Satoko’s teenage designs make them look more like Bern and Lambda, which is interesting.

There’s speculation about whether or not Satoko will pass her entrance exams to St Lucia’s, but in her scene in the OP she’s wearing the St Lucia’s uniform, rather than the one she wears in this episode, so I think it’s very likely that she’ll get in, and that the real problem will just be what happens once she starts going there, considering how bad of a time both Shion and Ange had there.

We already know that Rika thinks very highly of her time there, and I think it’s pretty likely that she’d have an easier time fitting in than Shion and Ange did, but it seems pretty inevitable to me that Satoko would end up getting bullied and isolated. I think she ends up drifting away from Rika as a result of this, while Rika winds up not noticing what’s happening to Satoko because she’s too busy enjoying her new happy school life. And since it looks like Satoko probably spent about four years there before everything went to shit, that’s a lot of time for things to get really bad for her.

Considering that this episode also proves that Mion was just about to enter high school at the end of the VN, it’s very likely that Shion was still attending St. Lucia’s at the same time as Rika and Satoko, so I think we’ll end up seeing them interacting, which will be interesting. I could see this tying into whatever ends up happening to Satoshi, since both Satoko and Shion are invested in him. I also think that having Shion become more important this way could also let them finally include some material from Meakashi, so we don’t just entirely skip her whole backstory. Similarly, I get the feeling that we might see more of post-Matsuribayashi Rena in a way that delves more into her backstory and her family, and gives some answers in hindsight about what she was going through in Onidamashi. Which wouldn’t really be the most satisfying substitute for the entire Tsumihoroboshi arc, but it’s something.

The other big reason why I think Shion might get involved soon, and part of why I think Rika and Satoko are going to St. Lucia’s in the first place, is that we might find out that Shion is more or less Satoko’s accomplice. This is mainly inspired by the theories people have made about how Satoko seems to be holding Shion’s hair ribbon on the cover of the new ending theme’s CD jacket, but in general I think it makes a lot of sense that they’d end up working together. I don’t necessarily think that Shion is also a looper or anything, I think Satoko has probably been reaching out to her at the start of each loop in Gou to make her an accomplice, and their interactions at St Lucia’s might set the foundation for why she’d do that.

At the very least, if that time at St Lucia’s lets them become closer, it’d make it easier for Satoko to figure out how to get Shion on her side in each loop once she starts looping, but I think it’d also tie into Satoshi’s fate. If Satoko finds out exactly what happens to him, and she can convince Shion to believe her, that might help get her to become her accomplice.

I don’t really think Satoko did much of anything in Onidamashi, since nothing Rena did had anything to do with Rika, and we also didn’t even see Shion at all, but I think Watadamashi would have been the start of this. It’d also explain why Shion doesn’t even show up in Nekodamashi and never went L5 in spite of being the most obvious person to go L5, if Satoko was intentionally protecting her.

I don’t actually have any real concrete idea of how Shion being Satoko’s accomplice would relate to the mechanics of anything in Watadamashi or Tataridamashi, let alone all the loops in Nekodamashi, but it at least makes sense in terms of their motivations, lol.

Shion’s role in Watadamashi has always felt super weird, though, what with her strange phone call to Keiichi after the festival, and her apparently getting killed by Mion. And there’s also the whole mystery of why Satoko even bothered going to the Sonozaki estate at the end of that arc, since Rika had already died by that point. At this point I wonder if maybe Shion was still alive by that point, and only died at the end of the arc, instead of being killed on the night of the festival like we’re lead to think happened.

I think Shion being the main accomplice would help explain the logistics of how people like Kimiyoshi and Akane apparently got injected and turned L5, though. It still seems like a stretch to think that Satoko would be able to do it, and that they’d even listen to anything she tries to tell them, but I could see it happening if Shion was the one who did it instead.

I’m hoping that eventually this whole flashback will reach the point where we start seeing Satoko’s perspective on the first three arcs, since there’s still a lot that needs to be explained about them. It wouldn’t be as fleshed out as a full series of answer arcs like the VN had, but still.

Onidamashi’s kinda weird because it feels like it can be ‘solved’ almost entirely just with knowledge about Rena’s character from the VN. Satoko might have been involved with it, but it’s very easy to imagine how Rena could have just gone down the same route as Tsumihorboshi without any intervention from Satoko at all. So since Gou doesn’t really seem all that interested in actually answering all the mysteries for new fans, I could see them not really going into detail about that arc, and only explaining the very end of it with Rika and Satoko dying, since VN fans could just figure out the solution for Rena’s side of things on their own.

Watadamashi is probably the arc that needs the most explaining, at least in terms of the different murders and how they happened and who did them. At this point I guess we’re just meant to take the story of Tomitake and Takano fleeing the village at face value, and that there’s probably not much else going on there, but we don’t know exactly what happened that lead to Kimiyoshi, Oryo, and Shion dying, or who exactly killed Rika and why they did it, or why Satoko went to the Sonozaki estate and wound up getting killed there. I’m still honestly not very sure what happened in that arc, even now that we know a lot about the bigger picture of the story. Even now that we know more about Satoko’s motives, it’s still hard to explain why she bothered going to the Sonozaki estate after Rika had already died. Since her whole motive just seems to be about Rika, it feels like she would have just wanted to reset the loop as quickly as possible, and there’d be much simpler ways to go about killing herself to make it happen.

Tataridamashi is also kinda weird, but less in terms of it’s murder mysteries, and more in terms of what was going on in the background of that arc in general. I don’t really buy the idea that Satoko was entirely faking all of the abuse in that arc, considering that in Nekodamashi she had an entirely genuine panicked response just to seeing the jack-in-the-box again, which makes it feel very unlikely that she’d be able to completely fake a way more severe PTSD attack. There’s also the fact that, even if we’re dealing with a Satoko from the Matsuribayashi timeline, she doesn’t necessarily remember the timelines where Teppei comes back to the village. It feels pretty unrealistic to imagine that just because she’s aware that she’s in a time loop, she suddenly doesn’t have any trauma toward Teppei anymore, and is able to be a master manipulator who can fake her own abuse just to mess with people. I also just don’t even know what her motive for faking her abuse would be, aside just wanting Rika to feel bad. But that feels like a pretty convoluted way to go about it, and in general it just feels like it’d be an insensitive way to handle child abuse as a topic.

It also just feels odd to me to think that this version of Teppei either wasn’t actually abusive, or just randomly changed his tactics entirely. But I do think it’s noteworthy that they drew visual attention at the end of the arc to Satoko’s lack of bruises, and that we didn’t physically see Teppei after the visit from Chie [aside from when he attacked Keiichi, which might have just been a hallucination]. Rather than Satoko just completely fabricating her abuse, I think that Teppei did start abusing her like in Tatarigoroshi, but Satoko ended up killing him in self-defense, which might have happened shortly before her big breakdown, which could still mean that whole scene was genuine, in it’s own way. And even if she did kill him, we already saw in Tatarigoroshi that Satoko is able to hallucinate him as still being alive even after his death, so even if she killed him in self-defense, it’s possible that she wound up convincing herself that he was still alive and abusing her.

Even with the meta-knowledge of being a looper, and what we know of her disease curing itself later on in time, it’s still likely to me that she genuinely still suffered from HS during the Gou loops. I mean, we know that Rika of all people went L5 at least once, in spite of knowing about the disease and everything. We saw in Nekodamashi that even after all this, Satoko apparently stilled believed in the existence of Oyashiro-sama as a conventional god figure who curses people, so I can imagine that even after she started looping, she could still develop HS and get paranoid about things.

I’m still not entirely sure what happened with Ooishi behind the scenes in that arc that lead to him going L5, and what exactly happened to Keiichi at Satoko’s house. It seems very likely to me that Teppei was already dead by that point, and he was just a hallucination, but usually the hallucinations don’t cause people to hear people say things that they aren’t actually saying, so the fact that Satoko mentioned her uncle in that scene when Teppei showed up might imply that she was in the phase of hallucinating him being alive as well.

Anyway, I think that this section of the flashback will end with Satoko in 1988 being contacted by some sort of supernatural/meta entity posing as Oyashiro-sama who convinces her to go back in time to punish Rika, so I’m curious to see exactly how that plays out, and how much it might tie into Umineko stuff. I still think it’s likely that Lambda decided to make Satoko her new piece, at least. But I dunno if we’ll explicitly see her in that case, or if it’d just be like Satoko hearing a disembodied voice in her head.

I’m not sure exactly how long I think this flashback will go for, though, with both the post-Matsuribayashi stuff, and any flashbacks to the first three arcs of Gou. It’d be kinda nice if we at least get one full episode going over each of the first three arcs, but we’ll see. There’s still about four more years left to go in this flashback until we get to 1988, but I don’t think it’d take that many episodes to get there.

In spite of this being a fairly sparse episode, I ended up having a fair bit to say about it, lol.

#murasaki rambles #higurashi #higurashi gou #plus more Umineko spoilers

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aphroditeslesbian · 3 years

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I was also raised 7th day Adventist and I’m a closeted lesbian. I don’t hate my religion..because I personally didn’t have a bad experience with it in my childhood, but it clashes a lot with my beliefs and well parts of my identity. I’m feeling a bit helpless because this religion has been a big part of my life, a lot of strong women I look up to in my life are sda, and my local sda community is very wholesome. And by now you can sense my reluctance in letting it go. I’ve been coping by thinking I should find a gay-friendly sda church once I move out.. if I ever get married. What’s your journey been like? 🪴

Hey! I don't meet a lot of sda online, it's interesting to hear a different perspective. I'm gonna go into everything, bc my experiences with sda really shaped me, and yeah, it's been a wild, not so fun ride.

Basically I was baptized catholic as an infant, but my family isn't practicing catholic. My mom is very religious, and wanted me to have a good education... In Brazil, we have very poor public education in primary and secondary school, and the best schools are the private ones... Which are also religious schools. So I wound up studying in a sda school from kindergarten to highschool graduation.

So from a young age (4 yo) I was raised on my school's religious beliefs. I was really involved, and my childhood best friend was also sda, she lived a couple floors down from me and we'd hang out often, and her family would bring me to church on Saturdays (there was a sda church across the street from the apartments we lived in). I was the staple Christian child, I prayed every night and every morning, apart from all the prayer at school ofc. At 8yo they did a talk at school about the importance of baptism, and I asked my parents to allow me to be baptized as sda. My mom surprisingly didn't want me to be baptized again, not so young, but my dad said I should do what I wanted, so I was baptized again at the school's church. Literally the school had an auditorium for our weekly religion-related classes, which we called "chapel", and was basically like going to church – but mandatory, as it was during school time. This specific school also had a church built on the side, so yeah.

During my early childhood through preteen years I had no issues with the school's teachings and sda ideology. It was all I had ever known, my family encouraged religion and we'd also sometimes (rarely) go to catholic church. I honestly didn't even realize people could not believe in god until I was 12/13.

I had never really heard much about being gay, or being anti gay during primary school - I may have forgotten having ever heard it from teachers. I only heard about homophobia from peers, and so I knew that being gay was a bad, evil, gross thing.

When I was around 11/12 we moved to a smaller town, and I started at a smaller Adventist school. I was the only one in my small newly found friend group who was baptized, and moving was very traumatic for me, so I started becoming less active in church. I became severely depressed because of the move and other stuff at home, and turned to the internet for a distraction.

I first heard about atheism from a youtuber, and he was known for his controversial takes (he's pretty nasty, it's only gotten worse with time but anyway). I guess a mixture of depression, becoming a teen, having my rebellious phase, I started researching into it.

My religion teacher (we had "religion" classes, but they should really have been called "7th Day Adventism classes") was much harsher than the one I had at my first school. This was around the time that Twilight was a big deal, and I read those books sooo many times for comfort, I got into Harry Potter etc. Not long after I moved to this school, we had a religion class about how Harry Potter was inspired by the devil. My books were often confiscated during class, even if I had already finished my assignments and was reading quietly, even if they were just on my desk. Being super depressed and introverted, with very few friends, books were my refuge. Having the teachers look down on them and literally say they were devilish and evil really started to shift my view of the religion. I knew these were good books, I loved them. So how could they be evil?

I have a very strong memory of praying and praying once and begging Jesus and god to help me, to give me a sign, because I was terrified of losing my religion, of losing god. All I had learned my whole life was that god is good, god is love etc. How come god wasn't helping me, my family, through some of the worst times? How come I was alone?

At around 12/13 my cousin came out to me as bi, and soon after another cousin came out as gay. I barely fully understood what that meant, and the internet was again where I researched about it. I realized I liked girls at the time, but I never understood you could even be married to a woman, as a woman. Even though I knew I liked and was attracted to girls, I never let myself think too much on it. The school was pretty obvious about how marriage is between a man and a woman, our "sex talk" was a class with our religion teacher. Bio talk was split, the boys left the room so we could learn about female anatomy and stuff, and then the boys had the room, etc. Our religious teacher was very adamant about how one shouldn't have sex before marriage, and marriage was between a man and a woman so...

Honestly the basework they laid was to erase homosexuality. I didn't even grasp that I could be anything but attracted to girls, I didn't realize I could do anything about it.

And then in highschool, I guess bc we were old enough, they finally started being outspoken about their hatred of gay people. There would be snide comments from the Portuguese/Lit teacher, a disgusting talk from the History teacher about how gay men's sexual activity leads to anal incontinence, the Religion teacher saying it was wrong, comparing it to criminality, the school's vice principal giving us a lecture and making sure to hammer in the worst thing anyone could turn out to be was homosexual.

At this point I thought I was okay with my same sex attraction, I thought these things weren't getting under my skin. But then I learned about being trans, and I came to the conclusion that since I was into girls, I couldn't be a woman. I identified as trans from around 15-19. That was internalized misogyny and homophobia, that was me actually letting all the snide little comments settle deep in me, and shape who I was.

Anyway, at around 14 I was done. School was teaching us that bastard kids aren't blessed by god (me and my siblings are all "bastards" as my parents were never married). They told us couples who lived together and we're never married were not blessed by god, and implied they were bound to have issues for their sin.

I was a teenager living in a broken home, my father was emotionally abusive to me and my mother, and honestly at the end of the day I had to choose if I wanted to believe in a god who was supposedly love itself, yet didn't protect me and my young siblings and my mom... Or not believe in god at all.

Leaving the church and coming to terms with not believing in god was one of the toughest times in my life. My depression was in the gutter, I was self harming, I was struggling. I remember thinking of my cousins, whom I was very close with growing up, and knowing they were good people, so how could god not love then? I remember thinking of myself, of all I had done for the church, for god, and wondering how could god not accept me.

For me, the church was poison. I only saw hypocrisy, I saw people who judged each other, who cared more about their own concepts of right and wrong than being mindful of others. I saw my teachers who preached being kind, but ridiculed and laughed at other religions and those who believed them. When I was questioning religion, I always had sooo many questions for my religion teacher and so often she just told me that some questions were too big for us to understand, that only god could fully comprehend himself.

I'm proud to have come out the other side, but I won't lie. The community that church represents does seem so lovely and welcoming. I wanted to be a part of something, and church offered that.

But at the end of the day, there's no space for me, a lesbian, in there. They don't believe gay marriage is okay, they don't condone our "lifestyle". They think this is a choice we're making, and a bad one at that.

The childhood friend I mentioned earlier, who I used to go to church with, actually came out as a lesbian a couple years ago as well. Her sda family is giving her a really hard time. She's left the church, last I heard.

Honestly, my advice would be to find other community. Find community with other lesbians, people who can accept you unconditionally, who can offer you support without small print. That's what I'm trying to do.

I personally am against christianity for a lot of other reasons besides my very negative experiences. Maybe that's not you, and in that case I guess finding a church that is LGB friendly can be the answer. I couldn't judge anyone for choosing to stay, because like I said I really understand how nice it can feel, how it's like you belong in this community, how it can feel like the church is family.

But I really suggest deep soulsearching, because in my experience all they ever did for me was suck all my energy, all my devotion, and spit me out when I was never going to be the heterosexual good girl they expected me to be.

Sorry for the super long answer, I hope this helps some? If you wanna talk more in private you can hit me up through DMs, I'm very willing to listen and talk about it.

#anti religion #sda #august rants #homophobia #lesbophobia #misogyny

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britishboystm · 4 years

Text

American Girl Pt. 2 (18+)

Warnings: Smut, Drug Use, Alchol, Violence, Swearing

A/N: I know it’s sort of weird that I do it from Matthews pov but I wanted to stay true to the book and see how it turned out. Might be really weird but idk I like it.

Part 1

———

I didn’t really have plans for the day. Last night had sort of put me off of the boys so I decided it was better to be alone. No distractions, just my own thoughts to carry me through the morning, afternoon and night. I didn’t mind really, just had to figure out where the day would take me.

After I had eaten as well as ignored my parents and their cries of worry for my future, I packed up a couple beers and a baggy of hash to keep me afloat.

A true survival kit.

Once I had left and was on my way, I found myself getting on the DART to uptown. I don’t know what I was looking for but I went anyway.

The sidewalks seemed just a tad more clean and the streets were peaceful. These were things I hadn’t noticed the first time around. All thanks to Kearney.

I was in my own head for a while but my body stopped me. I look up to see the oh so familiar house. This time I was able to properly look at the detailing. The house itself was a nice light blue with white trimming and a big open lawn out front. Sure beat my boring, brown square of a place.

I stood for a while just looking, as though I was expecting something exciting to happen. I stood a little longer and then the door flew open and a group of girls came pouring out laughing about something. Then almost like the parting seas, she came out at the very end, half listening to the story being told by one of the blondes of the group and closes the door behind her. She seemed slightly out of it. It was obvious she didn’t really care for the conversation. Her eyes scan her front yard before they land on me. I stayed glued where I was standing. I had no desire to move.

“Give me a second guys.” She calls out to her friends who were already heading to the car. They all stopped talking and looked at her then me. Some of them gave looks of disapproval and some smirked. They all knew my friend group's reputation. We didn’t mix well with them really.

She runs down the steps and I can’t help but see her move in slow motion, almost like a cliche romance movie.

“Aren’t you one of the ass hats that were yelling out front yesterday?” I snap out of it and look down at my shoes in embarrassment.

“Well to be fair I wasn’t the one doing the yelling.”

“Right.”

“Um I was actually just walking around and I happened to walk by your house. You went to my school right?”

“Possibly.” She was playing with me, a smirk on her face.

“So what’s your name.” I had to know her name.

“Y/N. You?” I thought for a moment. Saying her name over and over again in my head.

“Matthew.” I awkwardly put my hand out to shake hers.

“Nice to meet you Matthew.” I just continue to shake her hand before she giggles and retracts from the awkward action.

“Um I have to go but I’m throwing a school end party tonight. You and your friends should come. I’m counting on you to keep the raughty one in check though.” She laughs.

“Sure I’ll run it by them.” Lies. I wasn’t going to say jack shit. Keanrey has been pissing me off lately and Rez was also in a weird mood the day before.

“Cool. I’ll see you tonight then?” She seemed genuinely happy that I was going to show up. At least I hope that was the reason for the big smile on her face.

“Yeah see you later.” She nods and walks off to meet up with her friends. With one glance back at me she got into the passenger seat of the car and drove off to god knows where.

It was going to be my mission to talk to her tonight.

“Ass hat?” I mouthed to myself. I had never heard that one before.

———

I decided to head home for a while to get ready. I wasn’t one to care about the way I look and I didn’t usually try this hard for any girl. But there was just something different about Y/N. She weirdly enough made me want to look somewhat presentable. So after an hour of looking for what to wear I just decided on a semi clean t shirt and jeans, also putting on my most well kept shoes.

I stashed away any type of pill I could find laying around my room, hash and a bottle of vodka.

Keanrey had asked me to hang out earlier but I said no. I also didn’t tell him where I was going. I’m sure he knew about the party but we always crashed parties together so if I wasn’t around he wouldn’t bother trying.

Nerves were settling in as I took a couple shots outside my house door. I needed to loosen up.

The ride over was not too bad, the vodka was taking its course and I felt a little more at ease compared to when I left the house. But once I got off and started to walk up to the house, the stress set in again. I could hear edm pounding and flashing lights started to come into view.

As I fully approached the house I noticed that this was nothing I had ever imagined. It looked like it came straight out of a Hollywood movie. Y/N clearly knew how to throw a party

I take a deep breath and make my way inside, tons of people I knew from school stopped to give me nasty looks.

I then saw my cousin who was talking with a couple friends. We weren’t super close but she was at least someone I knew.

“Sarah!” I call out. She turns from her friends and notices me. She gives a small smile before excusing herself.

“Matthew. Just got here and already look like shit. What’s new?” I roll my eyes.

“I’ll have you know I actually tried to look presentable tonight. I’m here for Y/N.”

“Aw how cute. I actually haven’t seen her around so I don’t know where she could be.”

“Hey!” We both look over to see an angry looking dude storming over towards us. I frown before he pushes Sarah out of the way and stares me down.

“Making moves on my woman?” He was fuming, nostrils flared. I definitely didn’t want to mess with him.

“Huh?” I was still slightly drunk so I was confused as well as scared shiftless.

“Trying to fuck my girl mate?” I couldn’t even speak a word before he raises a fist and whaps me straight in the nose. I fall back onto the floor and grab my nose in pain.

“Conor what the fuck that’s my fucking cousin.” His eyes go wide.

“Oh, I’m sorry Sarah I didn’t me-“

“You always do this.” She yells at him before quickly bending down.

“Matthew are you okay?” I’m still seeing two.

Then an angel stood above me as well. A look of worry on her face as she leans forward to inspect me closer.

“I’ll deal with it Sarah, go manage your mammoth of a boyfriend.” She nods then looks down again.

“Sorry Matthew.” Her voice held a sense of shame. Then she walks off, leaving me and the angel.

“Matthew? Can you hear me?”

“Uh huh.” I respond.

“Jesus your nose is bleeding. Let’s go upstairs okay?” She lifts up my dead body weight and with the help of another party goer gets me into her bedroom. She got me onto the bed and I couldn’t help what I said next.

“If you wanted to get me into bed you could have just asked.” She scoffs and rolls her eyes.

———

“You’re a real dumb ass, you know that?” She slightly snickered as she dabbed the cold wet cloth against my bleeding nostril. I took this opportunity to stare at her.

“What?” She giggles.

“Nothing. You’re just really pretty is all.” Hopefully my tipsy Irish charm would do the trick. After all, she was the only reason I showed up to this party in the first place.

She blushes slightly, before removing the cloth and tossing it into an empty corner of her room.

“Alright mister I think you need some rest. You can sleep in here tonight, get that head cleared up.” She ruffles my hair before lightly pushing me down onto the mattress and then getting up to leave.

“Wait where are you going?” I pouted slightly, hoping she would take pity on me. I probably looked like an absolute arse but I didn’t care.

“I’m going back downstairs. Can’t leave my guests without a host, now can I?”

“Just a little longer, I have a blunt we can share.” I pull the rolled paper out of my pocket, using it as a last resort for her to stay.

“As tempting as that sounds, I don’t drink or smoke.” I racked my brain a bit more to try and figure out a way to stay. It didn’t make sense that she would throw a party with everything she just said she didn’t partake in. I didn’t question it though.

“Don’t leave me.” I was fully desperate at this point. I would kill just to talk to her. Once I said those words, I noticed a change in her demeanor.

“Fine, I can’t stay too long though.” She absently mindfully crawled onto the bed to sit beside me, my fucked up brain sexualizing the act.

She then looked down at the blunt signaling for me to spark it up.

“Aren’t you going to light it?” She asked, shifting her gaze between my eyes and the blunt.

“I thought you didn’t smoke.”

“I don’t.” She gave me a light smile but all I could do was stare. There was a weird vibe about her. Not a bad vibe, far from it actually. I’d like to believe that it was purely because she had a different cultural outlook. She didn’t grow up in a two story home with two Irish catholic parents. Where everything was black or white. There was some grey in her, a mysterious side. A freedom in her eyes that made my chest tighten.

“Right.” I shake my thoughts away and pull out a lighter.

“Wait a sec.” She quickly stops me and rolls over my lap to go open a window. Once again, her actions had me straining against my relaxed fitted jeans.

“Don’t want it wafting for the next week.” I nod and go back lighting it up. I inhale and let out a big puff, secretly hoping that she would find it attractive. She wasn’t even looking though. She had moved to her stereo to turn on The Smiths.

“Alright then, pass it.” She gently takes it from my finger and places it between her lips. It seemed as though she had a similar technique as me, trying to look all sexy while she blew it back out.

It worked.

As much as she would like people to believe she wasn’t a smoker, this clearly wasn’t the first time she had done it. My previous perception of a goody two shoes, honours list, daddy’s little girl mentality fizzled away.

“What?” I hadn’t realized I was staring again.

“Are you sure you’ve never smoked before?” She shrugs and leans against the headboard, our shoulder touching and our legs stretched out and crossed in front of us.

We sat there for a good ten minutes talking about everything and nothing. We talked about how she had a Irish father who moved to America and met her mom there. They got married and stayed in America, then when her father got a job offer here in Dublin a couple years back so they moved.

“So your half Irish, what’s the other half?” She giggles at me. I didn’t think it was that funny. Maybe it was the hash starting to set in.

“American you idiot.”

“No, no I know but, what’s your family background.”

“Well I’m technically Italian American on my moms side. The whole big family situation with a nonna and nonno. Hundred and hundreds of cousins, aunts and uncles. It’s pretty crazy so being here in Dublin is really different.”

I laughed slightly resting my head on her wall. The nice buzz taking over my system.

“I wish I was close with my grandparents or even my parents.”

She nods and turns her head to look at me.

“I guess it’s nice.” There was silence as I caught her gaze. We were both stoned and sleepy and there was very little judgment with the staring, now that we were all happy and light.

I took a bullet and grabbed her face, bringing her in for a deep kiss. She quickly put her hands over mine, clearly thinking the same thing. My shoulders relaxed, no longer having to worry about what she thought of me. It was obvious now.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since the first time I saw you.” I panted as I laid my forehead on hers. She bit her lip and closed the space between us once more.

Her lips were so soft that I couldn’t help but push my mouth harder onto hers, it just felt that good. Finally being able to physically hold and touch her was like a dream.

It was as though she read my mind because she pulls off her tank top and grabs my arms so I end up on top of her.

We continue to kiss and I put one hand beside her head, the other holding her jaw. She notices my growing bulge sitting against her stomach and she sits up on to her elbows.

“I barely know you.” She says. Her words said one thing but her face and rising chest said another. She looked like a goddess with her light pink lipstick smeared on her lips and lower face, her eyes slightly red from us smoking. If I died with this being my last image I would be a happy man.

“Fuck it.” She mutters quickly before her lips smash against mine again and she pulls off my t-shirt. It’s all teeth and wet lips. Moans emit from both of us and I finally take my pants off leaving me in nothing but my boxers.

“You’re really gorgeous.” I say as I lace my fingers with hers and placing her arms above her head.

“I bet you say that to all the girls.” She smirks.

I smile back and quickly lean down to kiss her.

“What other girls?” I smirk and she lets out a sarcastic chuckle at my cheekiness.

“I need to warn you though. I’ve never done anything like this before.” I sit up and place and place a hand on her shoulder in a comforting way, to tell her she was safe with me.

“Do you want to have sex with me?” I didn’t beat around the bush. The last thing I wanted was to make her uncomfortable. I’ve seen Keanrey enough times to know how to properly treat a girl.

“Matthew, I can safely say that I find you very attractive and I infact want to have sex with you.” We both couldn’t keep a straight face in our hazing state, letting out laughs at our overly formal way of speaking.

“Ok then.” I smirk before I lean in.

“Wait.” She pushes my lips away with her finger and begins to go under the sheets. She scrambles around down there, probably removing her the rest of her clothes.

Out of nowhere I feel her lips circle around my length and I lurch forward a bit, a loud groan of surprise leaving my lips.

“Holy shit.” I sputter out and my eyes go wide, my voice going an octave higher than normal. She keeps moving up and down my length, each vein being tended to by her tongue. I lay my head back onto her pillow which smelled of fresh lavender.

I grip the sheets and I couldn’t help but think about the night before. This was all that I envisioned, just a billion times better.

“Y/N?” I weakly ask through my moans.

“Mhmh?” She responds, my dick still in her mouth.

“Your mouth feels amazing.” She lets go with a pop and lifts the sheets with a wide prideful smile.

“I know.” I sit up and grab her face, crashing her lips on mine.

“You're so hot.” I say as she bites her lip.

“Yeah?” She asks, a blush creeping onto her cheeks.

“Uh huh.” I nod and lean in for one more kiss.

“I really just want to fuck you right now.” I say with heaving breathing.

“What are you waiting for?” She jokes and I smile in return before shifting so she is under me. This way I could finally see her breasts which makes my member stir again.

“You are so fucking beautiful.” I say before leaning in to take a nipple into my mouth, sucking softly,

“Oh Matthew.” Listening to her moan out my name causes my stomach to flip and I can’t help but grab my shaft and lean it against her drenched centre.

“Can I?” I had lifted myself slightly so I could see her face again.

“Always.” She whispers and with that I slowly enter her. She was so tight to the point that I felt like crying from the pleasure.

“Oh my god. I’m not going to last long.” I sputter out.

“Me neither. Now fucking move.” Listening to her be so demanding gets me thrusting in and out of her. Her soft little mewls and encouragements make me speed up and she digs her nails into my back as I continue my movements. Without any warning she spreads her legs more and hooks them around my torso, using her heels to push me in deeper. We both moan out with the new angel I was driving at. I sped up to the point that the only sounds we could hear was skin against skin and my grunts and her moans. I place a searing kiss onto her jaw and she grips onto me tighter.

“Cum.” I whisper as I start to circle her clit quickly. Her legs then begin to shake and her eyes roll back. Her back arches off of the bed. Her face contorted in pleasure which made me reach orgasm as well and we both rode them out until there was nothing left to give.

I slump down beside her and she cuddles into my chest.

“I should check on everyone.” She mutters and I groan, not ready for her body heat to disappear.

She slips out of bed and walks over to grab her clothes. She bends over and I get a perfect view of her ass. Now I had the biggest pleasure of knowing what it looked like under those jeans of hers. I bite my lip and smirk. She quickly turns her head around and smirks back.

What?” She asks.

“You can’t do that and expect me to be done with you.” I jump up and hook an arm around her waist pulling her back into bed. She lets out a screech and giggle as I pull her on top of me.

We were far from done.

#dean charles chapman #dean charles chapman x reader #here are the young men #hatym #smut #finn cole #ferdia walsh peelo #fanfic #fanfiction

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