#but he also won't let me state that it doesn't mean we don't GENUINELY feel that way right now

[system-of-a-feather]

Dear Problematic Siblings; An Open Letter to Older Siblings Survivors from a Youngest Sibling Survivor

(TW: Some levels of emotional abuse, neglect and psychological abuse mentioned. Not sure what level of detail to warn since its that whole Trauma Thing where you don't know what is and isn't 'that bad' so just be careful if any of those are particularly touchy topics)

Don't think too formal of this writing despite the formal sounding title, this is a bit of an open free form letter I wanted to put out to those who have siblings you aren't in contact with or don't have a relationship with following an abusive childhood environment may that be due to having to cut contact for safety or bad blood from how you hurt each other growing up.

I am / We are the youngest of two sisters - one older by 6~ years, the other older by 4~ years and our household was unsafe since before I was born. In theory, my oldest sister might have seen the abuse arise, maybe my middle sister had a bit of time before plunged into hell, but I was born condemned. First and foremost, its important to acknowledge how even these few years have likely developed how we perceive our lives and our situation greatly; far more than either of us can probably have the conscious awareness of as - regardless of how old we were when we first faced it, we were still learning and forgetting a lot of things that would innately frame the way we see the others and the world.

To the sister that made my life miserable, to the one that actively attacks and bullied me, actively tried to silence me and turn my parents against me, actively made the already bad neglect worse and actively took away all of the very few to no resources I had; to the sister that told me I couldn't complain because I was "too young" to remember the worst of the trauma; to the sister that I threw out of my life for four years and refused to so much as be in the same room as or see for two years, to the sister I gave up on after she disappointed me by repeating the same harmful behaviors over and over again over the six to eight years I had made an attempt to come to an understanding and make things work with; to the sister who - after time apart and given independent healing - came to the realization that our lives and childhood sucked, that we both were put through, that over time realized that the there was a lot more to life than the petty stressors we had built a habit of fighting over; to the sister that still from time to time, when prompted with specific triggers, will still revert back to those survival mechanisms and begin behaving in ways that are similar to how she did when we were younger; to that sister, I understand and I forgive you.

It took a while to get around here - a lot of work of healing and a lot of time apart to work through, process, recover and grow from the damage I had sustained in childhood both at your hands and not, but I understand. We were both children and we were both trying to survive. Children being forced to survive like we did will almost always look ugly, will almost always make a mess, and thats not your fault nor mine. Neither of us should have been put into that situation, and I understand why we were that way before, I forgive you and I hope you forgive me for whatever slights I likely did while trying to survive myself. I also understand that just acknowledging and being aware of this doesn't stop the trauma and immediately cure the pain and wounds that were inflicted upon us, and while we might relapse into old dynamics, I understand and forgive you already so as long as you do the same back. Healing isn't easy and more than anything, the thing that I value and cherish most is that we both have reflected on our pasts and how they affect our present and have made active genuine effort to handle it. The past is in the past, and the future is what we make of it. I'll be patient with you if you are patient with me.

To my oldest sister; to the sister that saw my pain when I was seven and came to help me; to the sister that took responsibility for making my life good and making sure I succeed; to the sister that saw the danger I was in and became dedicated, obsessed even, with making sure I did better than she did; to the sister that sat me down when I was not even in middle school to plan out all my classes up until graduate school and planned to help me enroll in the military at age 14 to pay for my tuition; to the sister that wanted to see me happy all the time to the point of recognizing a complex dissociative disorder and intentionally triggering one part out regularly to make herself feel better; to the sister that trained me in the brutal world of capitalism and taught me how to live on nothing because she knew, for a certain, that no one would be there for me and made sure I knew that I was entirely on my own; to the sister that gave me freedom and protection from my parents in exchanged for the knowledge that no one would help me should I fail; to the sister that got me a bird when she knew she was going to leave me alone and unprotected; to the sister that taught me to dominate everyone and everything to maintain peace, safety, and control; to the sister who was extensively traumatized and scared who used me as a subject to project her anxieties upon with good yet selfish and inconsiderate intent; to the sister who both saved me from my parents, but also made the effects of the 10x times worse and more dramatic; to the sister who I defended for 21 years of my life and kept from being disowned 6 times when no one else in the family would stand up for her; to the sister who - upon the slightest push back and watered down critique to acknowledge the damage done - threw me to the side as a party not trying in the relationship; to the sister who doubles down and refuses to reflect and grow, I appreciate what you have done for me and understand, but I do not forgive you - nor do I see myself forgiving you in the near future.

The most I can hope for is that you, much like my other sister, when given time apart, will come to realize the damage that you have done. That you will come to realize the true shittiness of our lives and understand that by constantly running, by constantly living in the ways that we originally learned to cope with our lives, by perpetuating the trauma that we were born and raised in, by never looking back to move forward, we will never truly escape and live the life that we deserve but were denied. As much as I wish I could sit here with you and help you through this process, that would cost me my own ability to heal, to move forward, to grow. I understand that you were doing the best for yourself, and I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt that you did what you thought was best for me - growing up how we did was hard and you more than any of us three had to deal with a lot of it on your own and without warning. You were of an older generation - mental health information was not as accessible and far more stigmatized - people were more conservative and less progressive. I completely understand how and why it is that your pain had been redirected onto me; however, I can't see that you see that. You seem unable to see your own fault and folly along with the consequences I was forced to bare. I can not forgive you, if you can not acknowledge your part in this show.

To that sister, all I can say is I hope you heal. I hope you get better and I hope you see that life doesn't have to be a constant game of run away from the past and trauma. I hope that one day you will realize why it is that conflicts follow and case you around. I hope that one day you reflect on the past and realize how your pain had caused others pain and I hope you can still love and accept yourself anyways. I hope then that we can talk again and start anew, but until then, I can not forgive you.

To both my older sisters, I don't know what our childhood was like for you - I lived it, I watched it, I saw it, but I could never truly fullly understand or begin to fathom what it was like on your side of the table, so I won't act like I do any more than I need to understand that I don't need to hate you for the rest of my life. Our childhood was hard, harder than any of us can properly remember by the sheer nature of it. I don't wish to hold bad blood over things happened in the past that will only get further and further in the past until they disappear to irrelevancy. I don't wish any ill upon either of you (excluding the acute moments when you really piss me off and/or we trigger one another****). I truthfully hope we all can heal, move on, and live our lifes regardless of how bad our first two or so decades of our individual lives have been. We are all survivors and thats something to be respected of.

Sincerely,

The Youngest Sibling

[sleepyboywrites]

Creepypasta Fluff Headcanons for Trans!Male Reader Pt. 1 (Being a boy on his Period)

Because it's nearing that time again and being a boy on his period sucks ass. I'm making this to provide some comfort! For myself as a trans man and hopefully you too. This takes place with established and healthy relationships. Or as healthy as relationships with these characters come.

Tw: Possessive behavior, not necessarily wanted affection, rough contact, references to slight verbal abuse.

Eyeless Jack

• Run. Run right in the opposite direction if he hasn't eaten in a bit/is agitated. You will make him hungry due to his blood lusting demonic nature and he's not very friendly when he's hungry.

• You already aren't feeling great so if you go to him in that state anyways expect to be more uncomfortable albeit supported as a half-apology.

• If he has been satiated and is calm you may proceed to tell your demonic boyfriend that your cycle has begun and you are distressed and dysphoric about it.

• Cuddle bug. Like sits you directly into his lap and burries his face in your neck. Telling you words of encouragement. Think "I'm so sorry Baby boy." and "You're so strong y/n. One of the strongest men I know, I mean other men can't live through bleeding for 4-7 days on average."

• He's a med student so he knows the best ways to help with cramps and the physical pains that come with a menstrual cycle.

• He also gives you high testosterone foods and encourages you to wear one of his shirts and your boxers over your underwear to help with the dysphoria aspect. But he won't let you bind if your chest area gets sensitive.

• Tries to distract you and keep you as comfortable as possible

• Extremely protective during this time. He has a lot of self control but his instincts are still spiking under the surface screaming at him to lock you up/protect you. His emotional attachment to you paired with his constant hunger leave him clinging to your side and glaring at anyone else who approaches/gives you a weird look. Attacking anyone who hurts you emotionally or otherwise.

• Honestly a bit feral in a way akin to nesting.

• Insists on taking walks together once a day.

Laughing Jack

• A bit confused at first in his eyes he has erased any of your perceived biological imperfections.

• Hits you with the "But you are a boy" when you tell him you're feeling dysphoric and crying. "One who's very very important to me as well so please don't cry."

• Gives you your favorite candies and sweets

• Rubs your back when you're curled over in pain and sings you songs to help you calm down.

• Takes you to his amusement park and takes you on all your favorite rides and shows you all your favorite shows

•Always introducing the act as "Dedicated to the best boy in the world/my Favorite boy."

• Essentially his mentality is "I'm going to make sure this boy has so much fun he forgets the torment of having his brain stuck in the wrong body."

• And it fucking works. He has you laughing so hard that you can't tell where the stomach ache ends and the cramps begin.

• He likes to play "dress-up" in the sense where he has an array of gender affirming costumes and each day he insists you choose from the extensive array because even if you don't feel well at the moment doesn't mean you have to be reduced to a puddle of stained oversized clothes. He was always one for theatrics.

• If you say you really aren't up to dressing up he'll bring out an array of hoodies, baggy tees, shorts, sweats, or jeans instead.

• Genuinely just trying to distract and cheer you up

Ben Drowned

• Pretends to not know what you're talking about or why you're so upset. "Bro I assure you no one cares?" Followed by a long silence as he stares at you followed with "We all still view you the same, man."

• Then promptly refuses to leave your side

• Think anything from lurking in nearby electronics to straight up following you around everywhere.

• If a mission comes up he'll take you with him and make up some sort of excuse like he needs your help and your avatar is better abled than you physically. Alternatively if you have a mission he'll grab you and say he's coming with, before dragging you with him.

• Makes sure everyone is careful around you. No roughhousing or insults. Not at this time even if you protest.

• You had to break up a fight with the intent to maim once because Jeff had called you a "Pussy" in an attempt to agrivate you to change your mind about not being up for training today. Ben who had been lurking nearby lunged at him and you had to break the two apart.

• So much Gatorade. This boy makes you drink so much Gatorade.

• He also has a collection of snacks you normally crave and hoodies specifically for you in his closet.

• Let's you bind during your period until you don't take it off on time or act like you're in pain then he will take and hide it until it's passed.

• if you complain about dysphoria he'll roll his eyes as he drags you to his realm where your avatar already matches your gender and have you hang out there.

• Naptimes are mandatory once a day during this week because he knows it takes a lot out of you.

• Reminds you to take showers despite how much you hate having that reminder because you'll feel better afterwards and it helps with the cramps.

Jeff the Killer

• I promise he's trying. He's trying to keep things as normal as possible by being a jokey asshole dick like usual.

• Mans has your cycle engraved in his memory so on the first and worst day when you're at your grumpiest without fail he'll go "Can't you just give me a bloody smile god damn it?"

• You know he's joking and he knows he's joking but without fail you'll mock laugh at him, sock him in the nose, and walk away.

• One time you ran out of products and Jeff went to get them for you he called from the store and went, "Hey man, what size cunt do you have?" You shook your head, called him an asshole, and hung up.

• He tried to apologize by calling and texting and when you wouldn't answer he made you a care basket with hot wheels and various manly items such as boxers and button-ups/baggy tees. He also covered the pads wrapping in dinosaurs. And replacing "girl" with "boss" on the labels

• He's made a habit of getting you one of these everytime your supplies run out.

• Insists on more training and fighting because what better way to blow off steam and frustrations than a good ol fashioned fight.

• One time it went too far and the two of you ended up being patched up by EJ who scolded the two of you and said "If I catch you boys doing this again I will make sure Slender needs two new proxies."

• Always carrying ibuprofen and water. Always.

• Rubs your back if it hurts too much and treats you more gently.

•Will attack and maim anyone who misgenders you.

Homicidal Liu

• Liu is already constantly holding your hand as if he's scared you'll disappear, like the rest of good in his life, so you two are fairly well synced and sometimes you swear he can read your mind.

• You keep him calm, in a way that reminds him of before the incident because of this he knows all of you, obsessed over it and memorized it, including when your cycle is, it's linked in his internal clock.

• You'll often wake up to a warm bath and clean comfortable clothes if your cycle started during the night. While you bathe he'd change and wash the sheets then bring you breakfast to eat together after you finish.

• Tells you he's sorry that your body doesn't match your mind as he nuzzles into your neck. Snaking his arms around your waist and engulfing you in his weight. Sometimes uncomfortable but you know by now if you try to pry him off he'll only tighten his grip and agressively albeit incoherently mumble

•calm and supportive/protective and possessive are how his alters have always treated you. Both affectionate sometimes overly so. Heightened during your cycle due to you being in a more easily hurt and in a distressed mood.

• Think overlap of Liu and Sully's voices, "What did you just say to my boyfriend?" Followed by "You'll pay for that." should anyone so much as look at you funny in a way that'll make you feel worse about your current state of being.

• Said anyone would be carried away in a body bag. <333

• Gets you trinkets as well as anything you may be craving.

• Owns heating pads as well as cold pads at his disposal to help with cramps.

• Water/Gatorade and a variety of pain meds on hand. Always.

• Doesn't want to leave your side out of fear of you running into a less than kind individual without him there to support you and maim your instigator.

Ticci Toby

• You'd have to go to him about it because his ass doesn't know. His brain is on fifteen different topics at any given time. You occupy at least five but he doesn't have much memorized.

• He'll know that something is bothering you but won't know what unless you blatantly tell him.

• Once you do he'll probably try his best to limit his roughness/aggression and increase softer touches/tones.

• Much more pet names a lot less insults. IE: Instead of calling you a dumbass he'll call you pretty boy.

• If he gets frustrated expect said pet name to be said with aggression.

• He owns several weighted blankets he'd offer you to use on top of his own body weight when he flops onto you, should you want that affection. Though he still will with a piss-poor excuse of an apology if you don't and he does. Which he does frequently because you're one of the only people whose touch is gentle with him.

• Bad about carrying liquid. Good about carrying meds. So if you need an ibuprofen he will give you one but you'll need to either dry swallow or find liquid elsewhere.

• Also not the best at comforting you through your pain seeing as he doesn't experience that kind of thing himself. At least not in the same way, so he doesn't know what to do nor what you expect from him.

• He'll pick you up something he thinks you'll like when he goes out during this time but that ranges from "really sweet" to "the thought is what counts." Because sometimes his thoughts cross paths one too many times and he accidentally got you cleaning supplies instead of menstrual or edible treats.

• Think: "This rock made me think of you. Do you like [insert candy], because I grabbed some on my last mission. I meant to grab you strawberry mentos, because of a song I heard that made me think of you but accidentally grabbed menthol instead, I don't know how you'd use it but here."

• Essentially when you tell him he'll say "Okay, don't push yourself too hard." And then continue fairly normally while attempting to be nice.

Brian/Hoodie

• Initial reaction depends entirely on where/how you tell him. If you tell him in public in front of others he will simply look at you and say, "...okay".

• If you tell him in private he'll stare at you for a moment and then he'll give you a few well-thought-out sentences on how he'll be there to help and how you aren't any less of a man.

• If you give him a note or written thing however he will build you a cathedral out of paragraphs telling you that he'll do what he can to make you feel as good as you can, how this aspect doesn't change who you are not how you're received, and everything masculine and in general he adores about you.

• Always has water, meds, and a spare hoodie for you in close proximity.

• Doesn't treat you any differently in public or private.

• Very sweet most of the time, including this, minus his aggressive outbursts.

• It's very much the same old same old. He'll still melt into you and expect the same he'll still yell and throw things when he's having a n outburst.

• He'll still treat you as softly and as roughly as he does the rest of the time.

• Will get you your cravings if you ask but he won't really if he's unprompted.

• He may ask for your hand more often if he notices your distress/squeeze your hand more often.

• Though most of the time he won't he's too busy in his head or in what he's doing.

• Or alternatively trying to figure out what is in your head and what you're doing but not necessarily how you're feeling.

• He cares about you he's just not the possessive type in the way that leads to outwardly or intense displays of affection. Though if you even hinted to not wanting to be around people on your cycle you wouldn't be. He would hole up.with you until its over and be reluctant to let you go.

Tim/Masky

• Throws his reeking bomber jacket at you with a raised eyebrow. "Things like this provide some comfort right?"

• Cocky Bastard knows it's in his god-damn calendar and he likes to inadvertently let you know he knows.

• IE: throwing one of your favorite snacks at your head while you train or work.

• Bringing you water, Gatorade, and medicine to you when all you did is hold your head in your hands for five seconds.

• It's become almost a game of whether or not you can get away without him knowing.

• Mocking you lightly if you ask for help with anything. If you need supplies, or would like one of your cravings, or would like a heating pad anything. And you say, "Hey could you get me [blank] if you don't mind?" Or anything along those lines you will be met with an, "Ah ah ah pretty boy, say pretty please." When he returns with what you asked for dangling it out of reach.

• Also always asks for a kiss as payment for being your knight in shiny armor. When he gets you anything. One time he bought you a bag of chocolate kisses you were craving and when he asked you threw a chocolate at him and he chased and tackled you until you gave him an actual one.

• Deliberately and as a rule of thumb, Masky shows you a playful and cocky side he's created because you respond to it best.

• He rarely gets angry at you but when he does that anger translates to avoiding you and not speaking to you should he be in this state he will give you nothing, not even a hug during this.

• If you tend to be touch-starved during he'll be less likely to fall into that angry rut but if you're touch-adverse he's more likely to get into angry ruts because he'll take it as the front he crafted for you not being enough or attractive to you.

• Despite the fact it has nothing to do him and has everything to do with you being in physical and psychological pain.

[meraki-yao]

RWRB Script: Meraki Thoughts and Notes, ACT I

...Remember when I said if we don't get something new I'll reach the phase where I dissect the movie frame to frame?

Yeah so I did decide to annotate the bloody script I am that obsessed, will put this into either two parts or three parts, this is from the start to Paris

Highlight:

Red: Deleted Scenes

Yellow: Different from the movie

Blue: Fun/Interesting Movement Descriptions

Green: Extra Information of character/set

Right off the bat, we have a deleted scene

I need someone to enlighten me about these markings: what do the numbers and letters mean? I searched online and it said that numbers means a scene, but what counts as one scene? And what is the letter then?

Again, three more deleted scenes, what the fuck. And why is the first one labelled 1? Was the movie originally supposed to start there before they added the receiving line in re-shoots?

Henry was shaking a person's hand when Alex comes up to him in the movie

TRIES TO LICK IT???? ALEX THE FUCK

Also note how the frosting thing is before "tell me something" here but after that line in the movie: In the movie, Henry didn't not see any of the frosting shenanigans since he turned away to greet someone else. The script doesn't state what Henry's doing while Alex fucks up

Two more deleted scenes!!! One of which should be Aneesh's favourite scene to film where Alex asks her how much trouble does she think he's in

Canonical Zahra and Ellen age

Ellen staring at Alex was not in the final cut, we go from the credits directly to Ellen's line. Also the "killing him" is sort of a book reference: P28 Ellen: "all I want is to have the CIA fake your death and ride the dead-kid sympathy into a second term"

TWO MORE DELETED SCENES WHAT THE FUCK

ANOTHER ONE

Ah so that's why Taylor's post of him in "Kensington Gardens" captioned “IT'S ALL LUSHHH”

Huh, he's awed

Nick improvised Henry's "Both" line

Clench teeth not that visible in the actual scene but we get the message

"Juicy photo" what the fuck

"This won't be fun" about that Alex....

Two more, one of which is the Cornetto scene, what's the other one?

Obviously we did not get this line about the outlets in the movie, but also ??? Do American outlets not have lights? Is he talking about this thing? (the red part is a light)

Henry you're enjoying yourself aren't you

ANOTHER ONE

Well this is a mess

"Essentially Spooning" WHAT

I feel like "isn't entirely unsexy" is from the book but I can't remember???

"The most shit-eating of grins"

He didn't wave, he did the V hands. That was probably Taylor lol

Canonical Oscar Age! So both Oscar and Ellen are 55, let's say movie Alex is 25 then Jesus Christ he's right they were babies when they had Alex

ANOTHER ONE I'M SOBBING AT HOW MANY AT THIS POINT

Firstprince Book list!!!

So this is the opposite in the movie: Henry was the one to turn around and face up instead of Alex, Alex was staring at imaginary Henry the whole time until he went to press "hang up" on his phone, on his other side

what the fuck 😭

Canon Percy Age: 24!

He was in fact wearing a white blazer with black swirls (I really liked that outfit).

"Percy is just as impressive as his clothes" HELL YEAH

"coppery-mustard"

"knowing smirk" the fuck

POST WALLFLOWER LMFAO

"dancing his ass off" love your word choice Matthew

"subtly bops to the music" yup, somehow think that applied to Nick at parties too

Aww Alex finds it "ridiculously endearing"

"even sexier midnight kiss" lmfao

"crestfallen" awww nooo Henry bbg :(

"Everyone's hands are on him, wanting a piece of ACD"... huh.

WHAT IS IT NOW

"They look so right together"

"panic growing in his chest, genuine fear crossing his face" HENRY　😭

"utterly gobsmacked" again, interesting choice of words, but accurate

TWO MORE WHAT THE FUCK

Alex was not on the floor, he was stretching against the sofa, I feel like that's a Taylor thing, but also he needs to see the TV on the wall

AGAIN????? MATTHEW!!!!

"Young James Bond" YUP

"entranced by Henry"

THREE???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

"trying out the perfect suave and sophisticated pose to greet Henry" ends up just standing straight

Can you fucking imagine the table read and Matthew saying "and THEY GO AT IT BABY"

"raw and aggressive and hot -- like they're trying to eat each other"

Note that the movement description didn't mention lifting Henry on the table or Alex hitching his thigh up, so that was designed on set

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CLOSE-UP????

“Gently” are we sure about that

"the bluest balls on the planet" lmfao

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE DELETED HERE OH MY GOD

"utterly devasting" yup

Okay there's a lot of differences here: Henry doesn't close the door, Alex grabs Henry's waist not vice verse, Henry kissed down his neck and chest after this dialogue and they tumble over the sofa, but also how to you expect him to kiss Alex's chest while simultaneously unbuttoning his shirt when they're both verticle

"J Crew finest" straight from the book

"The power of his thighs", "his arse bouncing hard in the saddle"

"who has never been so jealous of a saddle" OH MY GOD PFFTTT

I guess 55 is the extended polo scene with Bea and Pez

"attack each other" "pawing"

"Alex can't decide where to put his hands because he wants to put them everywhere at once" Istg this is a book line but I can't find it at the moment, will update when I do

YANKS in all caps

"Their meals are gone" So the photos from Matthew's BTS post where they had their meals was before this scene? But there isn't a deleted scene before or after the Paris cafe scene in the script?

Henry is charmed, huh

"whistles in amazement"

HE WAS SUPPOSED TO WINK?

Alex didn't laugh, we start the hotel scene with his back to the camera

"Henry wraps his arms around him" ... sorta? But in the movie it's Alex's shoulders

"on Henry's chest" okay yeah so this was for short Alex, TZP would have to contort himself to do that

In the movie we only see Henry undressing

(Dammit two more images but I reached the posting limit, hang on)

[hero-deserves-to-be-happy]

Let Kel Be Sad: An Analysis on Kel’s struggles to express his negative emotions

Like Hero, Kel is also a “fixer”—he would bend over backwards to solve his friends' problems and stop the world if it would make them happy again, and both him and his brother are such big hearted and generous people who would much rather be the emotional support for others rather than talk about their own problems and make a situation about themselves and their feelings. For Hero, this often involves burying his own feelings and faking happiness, but I don’t think it necessarily means this for Kel, even if he struggles to express his negative emotions.

To me, Kel’s happiness and positivity is genuine, but he dismisses, discounts, and often runs from his sadness when he does experience it.

Let's discuss under the cut.

[Mod Sprinkles made the joke that in another universe I (mod Acacia) would also run a blog called "Let Kel Be Sad" so here are some Kel thoughts. Thanks for indulging my ramblings! 🧡]

Disclaimer: These are just my personal opinions, perceptions, and headcanons about Kel (and Hero). There are a lot of ways his character can be interpreted, and one of the great things about fandom is getting to see different points of view and differing interpretations of characters we all know and love. I know I speak for both Sprinkles and myself when I say we have a lot of respect for that, and for that reason, I want to be upfront that, while I do genuinely believe Kel struggles expressing negative emotions (thus the "Let Kel Be Sad" title), I don't personally view Kel as someone whose happiness is "fake" in the same way as Hero's. I can see the appeal of this interpretation and can understand why people interpret his character in this way, but it personally does not vibe with my personal interpretations, perceptions, and headcanons of Kel and his character, so if you perceive/headcanon Kel in that way, this post probably won't be your cup of tea. Please keep that in mind.

Warnings: OMORI Spoilers and discussion of game-relevant heavier topics such death, trauma, and grief.

Kel wears his heart on his sleeve, but this doesn't mean that he is shallow. He is a big-hearted, deeply empathetic, and incredibly loyal friend, and it cannot be stated enough that one of Kel’s biggest strengths is his ability to use his natural positivity and resilience to lift up those around him. He’s really the hero of the game because none of the healing would have been possible if he hadn’t continued to believe in his friends even after all of this time, hadn’t encouraged them, and hadn’t built them up just by being Kel.

And while I do think Kel does struggle to express vulnerabilities and negative emotions, I don't personally think of Kel's unwavering optimism as a mask. In my mind, Kel is not an emotional repressor or burier in the same way as Hero. In fact, because he wears his heart on his sleeve, he would probably really struggle to fake an emotion he wasn’t feeling (even if it was something positive like happiness). If Kel doesn’t want to express an emotion, I imagine he runs from it and avoids it, since it’s not natural or easy for him to “replace” or “bury” it with a fake one. Whereas Hero is much more reserved and private about his feelings, no matter what they are, so it’s much easier for him to convincingly mask pain and suffering under layers and layers of fake happiness. I just don’t think Kel would be able to hold back those emotions for very long. His negative feelings would eventually just kind of explode out of him without thinking and/or they’d become so apparent from his expressions and/or actions (since he does wear his heart on his sleeve) and everyone (including the player of the game) would know that he had so much negativity under the surface.

This isn't to say that Kel is perfectly fine. He isn't. He has suffered a terrible loss just like everyone else, but I think the game makes it clear that Kel has the most acceptance surrounding Mari's death and that he has made peace with what happened more so than the other main characters. Please keep in mind that this is only relative to the other main cast. Kel may seem "well-adjusted" in comparison to his brother and his friends who are, quite frankly, barely keeping it together, but he would not necessarily be considered well-adjusted in comparison to the non-traumatized townies. I genuinely believe that Kel is still in the process of healing, but relative to the other main cast members, he is farther along in that journey than they are.

And in that way, the game doesn't really give us a moment where Kel is overwhelmed by grief in the same way as the rest of the characters. Yes, there is the scene (one of my personal favorites) where Kel shares about his fight with Hero, and it is incredibly vulnerable and gives a lot of subtly and nuance to his character, but I don't think it's necessarily evidence that the player can't accept Kel as he presents himself to us at face value in the way that we can't accept Hero as he presents himself to us at face value. As I recently discussed in this post, the scene where Sunny finds Hero crying alone at Mari’s piano on the night of "Two Days Left" tells the player that Hero's attempts to appear well-adjusted and "fine" are, at least to a certain extent, all for show. There isn’t a Kel equivalent of this scene which, I personally think, is meant to tell the player of the game that Kel is the most well-adjusted member of his friend group (key words here being "of his friend group") and the one who has the most acceptance surrounding Mari’s death. Additionally, Mod Sprinkles actually made the point that Sunny is extremely perceptive and sensitive to his friends’ feelings and emotions. If Kel was still harboring a lot of negativity surrounding Mari’s death, Sunny likely would have picked up on that and been more hesitant to go outside with him in the first place.

This isn’t to say that Kel doesn’t ever have any negative feelings and that he doesn’t struggle to express those sometimes, but I think this struggle to express “the bad stuff” doesn’t stem from a pressure he feels to be happy all the time. That said, I do wonder sometimes if he is a little scared of feeling sad. He wants to be happy and wants everyone around him to be happy, and I think there is this certain helplessness that he feels when he can’t cheer other people up. We see a little glimpse of that in his account of his & Hero’s fight after Mari’s death. I think watching someone he loved so much go through such a deep and debilitating depression at such a young age probably permanently affected him, and he might have some worries about getting “stuck” like his brother, wallowing in that sadness and grief if he allows himself to feel it.

However, this is an unwarranted fear because Kel and Hero are very different. Even though Kel might feel sad, and his feelings are absolutely valid, I don’t think he’s prone to that level of despair and depression that we see in Hero. Understanding that his experiences and emotional responses are different than his brother’s is a big part of growing up so it might take him a while to realize this, and in the meantime, I could see it possibly manifesting itself as a sort of avoidance of sadness.

Everyone grieves differently. This is a difficult concept for even adults to understand, so I can't imagine how hard it would be for a 12-year-old like Kel. Because Kel didn't grieve Mari in the same way as Hero or his friends and didn’t spiral into the same level of despair and depression as the others, I think he struggles with invalidating his own feelings to himself sometimes--writing them off as shallow and dismissing them to himself as "just not deep enough." Again, I think this goes back to the one (1) fight that Kel and Hero had. We don’t know exactly what they said to each other in that fight, but it’s my personal headcanon that Hero lashed out at Kel for “not understanding” for he felt. From then on, I think Kel really does struggle with this fear that he just doesn’t understand emotions and because of that, any attempts to help his hurting loved ones will only make everything worse.

I’d really like to see him reach a place in which he can accept that even if his feelings and his grief are different and perhaps not as lingeringly overwhelming as the others', that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them and that doesn’t mean he didn’t care about Mari or his friends. In my mind, Kel’s hesitation and worry at expressing his negative feelings and his happy-go-lucky personality can both exist at the same time. I don't think they are mutually exclusive, and I tend to think of Kel as someone who naturally looks on the bright side of things and is genuinely optimistic and uplifting. To deny this feels like a disservice to (my personal perception of) Kel, but I think it is also a disservice to pretend he never feels sadness or any negative feelings at all. There has to be a balance.

Let Kel feel sad when he needs to but recognize that he doesn’t actually need to feel sad all that often.

[roxineedstosleep]

Thoughts on: the Yandere Batboys finally having a willing darling that actually genuinely loves not only them, but their family. Like a super sweet darling. But then finding out someone like Deathstroke is secretly trying to manipulate them/talking to them now?? Maybe even trying to take them away?? I dream like this and now I can’t get it out of my head- I just imagine someone as smart and as manipulative as Deathstroke of all people actually having a chance to fight the Batfamily..

Highly interesting detail.

After all, we are talking about the Wayne's, they were created as masters of manipulation and investigation. Batman and the whole Bat-family is, after all, from the beginning, a group of detectives who later became heroes or vigilantes.

A detail that, personally, many (including me) tend to forget because of all the action that goes into each of their cases.

So, manipulation and yandere… that goes hand in hand. No doubt about it.

I feel that, after so much time with the family, the SO is, sadly, fucked in the head.

What looks like good intentions are not, what doesn't look like good intentions is actually genuine concern. I would argue that the SO should be in a constant toggle and turn from hypervigilance to denatured disinterest. Something that would ultimately have the family concerned at different levels depending on the current state of their SO.

I mean, if he's in his hypervigilant season, no matter how much he's bequeathed to love all of them, the SO won't take any love or caring comments as such; so all the men in the family will have to act like real Oscar-winning actors and make everything they do look as realistic or sloppy as possible. And, the same goes for when the SO is in his season of disinterest or emotional slump.

I think a bit more like a shelter animal in a high care shelter …. will have its good times, its bad times and its extreme care times… it would just go from one extreme to the other quite often.

Now, this can be bad for the family, definitely, but I don't think so bad when it comes to having to see about strangers or potential dangers.

But, do not get me wrong, SO still loves the family!! Really!

But their head would be a little twisted after all their atemps to scape and that kind of suff. 

Case in point:

Bruce and his kids clearly hate it when their SO overthinks too much about the biscuits they've gotten him from the street; it hurts them a little to see the way their SO eats them and inspects them every so often or chews them to near mush and then pulls them out on a napkin. It hurts them because they know that SO, despite having accepted the biscuits, still thinks he's going to be drugged or something.

O They also worry when SO eats anything… literally anything that is put in front of him. Even when they could care less if the food itself has been pulled from the bottom of the fridge and has specks of mold on its packaging or peel. They even almost had to force themselves to vomit when they saw her nonchalantly eating one of the biscuits Tim had left on the kitchen counter…. a biscuit that had been left there for over a month and that no one had deigned to touch because it was next to his coffee cup (which had also been left behind).

Worse when they hypervigilate interaction with anyone other than themselves?

They feel a little less worried. Well, people are more driven by the concept of "Better a known evil than an unknown evil" anyway.

The only thing that eats away at them is when their OS is actually in total neglect mode. I mean, Damian once told them they could go hang out for as long as they wanted (sarcastically) and then they had to scour the entire mansion and surrounding gardens because their SO took it too literally.

And, when his SO is in a regular or healthier state, I think he would be cautious on a quiet level. He would only let himself be carried away by gossip that has a reason to be justifiable or reasonable. Beyond that I don't know how confident he is of the proposed arguments.

Sure, they'd get along well, and if DeathStroke has a sweet tongue and caramel words, I don't doubt he'd get on a cordial basis with SO, if he's been going along with the Yan Batfam for a while. If it was very early otdo, no doubt SO would actually try to escape with him, follow his words and doubts like a religion; but at this stage of the situation, where SO lives with the family and has so many traumas related to them and his failed escape attempts and manipulation, I think he would see that man more as a sad buffoon believing in his strength.

Even more so if it is from an enemy of his captor. Because, although it may not seem so, the enemy of your enemy is your friend is so unrealistic. The enemy of your enemy may be your colleague… but not your friend in this situation.

DeadStroke against Bruce might have an advantage, but against the whole family, I'm afraid not. Not unless you put a lot of SO on their side.

[clj-art-blog]

DFQC`s innocence

I want to share my thoughts about this interesting moment. Maybe someone already knows the answer, but i have only thoughts. When the XLH rested in his body and in his royal bedchamber, women come to him (her) in translucent, light, open clothes. We see that they seem to staying there not for the first time. They are touching Moon Supreme so calmly and habitually. Judging by their voices, they are very excited about his returnthey and they missed about him… And when he (XLH) drives the women away, they become embarrassed and ask the question: “Why did the Supreme Moon drive them away?” (So he didn't chase them off before?)

However, later, after DFQC's plan to get his body back failed, we hear this dialogue: [Subtitles from Netflix] XLH: Why don't you just accept the reality and keep the status quo for now? DFQC: Keep the status quo? You're getting used to it so fast. That's right. You can even use my body to find a man to sleep with. You should be happy. (Wow! Interesting. DFQC is indeed very attractive, so I think not only women would like to have him. And he still thinks XLH could have anyone while she is in his body. And since she is a girl, it is logical to assume that she will wish for a man). XLH: Should I look for you rather than someone else? That's right. You always pretend to be so proud and aloof. I didn't realize you had a lot of women. DFQC:  Have I ever had a woman? XLH:  Yes, you do. DFQC: When I say no, I mean no. (But after all, she saw how women get into his bedroom without any problems) XLH: You're still pretending. What is there to deny? DFQC: I don't need to prove my innocence to you. XLH:  That's right. Anyway, you already said you don't have any love for me. Your affair is none of my business. I'm not even interested. (But it's interesting to me!!!) And Shangque also confirms that DFQC has never had a woman.

And I'll probably add 2 more interesting points: 1) ) [Episode 10] When the Moon Tribe women treated XLH's wounds, they spoke so calmly (relatively calmly) about how the Moon Lord Supreme was infatuated with the fairy from Shuiyuntian.

2) [Episode 12] Later, one of his subordinates, Nanyu King, the leader of the Moon Clan, wasn't surprised either.

Nanyou: My Lord. She… DFQC-XLH: I'm used to her company. Now I don't want her to leave my sight. Nanyou: It's a small issue if you like a fairy. But it's inappropriate for her to take part in our state affairs. ("Shuiyuntian-fairy-Pet" are nothing new!!!) Ha! Just think, another concubine has appeared in the palace and will please the Moon Supreme… Not a problem!

But, let's go back to the Moon Supreme. Earlier in [Episode 3], DFQC genuinely doesn't understand why Orchid won't let herself sleep with him. (He is the Moon Supreme DFQC, damn it, he is very desirable, which means he is used to everyone wanting him). Moreover, there are also these rules of Shuiyuntian that a man and a woman should sleep separately. This is something new for him. From this we can conclude that there is no such rule in Moon tribe and a woman in his bedroom is a common thing. DFQC likes to break the rules, and he is still trying to stay with XLH in her room… What happened next, we all know.

And no. I'm not saying he lied to XLH. DFQC is not a liar. In addition, he is honest and sincere, and his every word is always true. (100%) There is one more important detail of the above dialogue:

DFQC: You're getting used to it so fast. That's right. You can even use my body to find a man to sleep with. You should be happy.

DFQC has been deprived of feelings since childhood. He read a lot and reads even now, and he knows perfectly well what can be between a woman and a man. I think that women did sometimes stay with him at night in his bed, but as "furniture" or "teddy bears" for hugs. Perhaps they danced and sang in front of him. They entertained him in every possible way (played chess, drank tea …I'm kidding), but he did not let them near him, and even more so did not kiss anyone and did not let anyone do it. He cannot experience love or passion. Why would he do something with women / men if he does not experience happiness from this? DFQC never does anything for nothing. He always approaches the matter rationally, which means he will not do something that will not benefit him.

But why is DFQC asking XLH what will happen if she sleeps with him at night? [Episode 3] But he knows so much about it. (he is over 30,000 years old!) But I think he knows himself and that he has no plans for her, even if she wanted him, he would not let her touch him, as he did not allow anyone before . Like, why should she think about it at all? (And it’s true. So baby XLH didn’t only read books about history? And she always avoided and was afraid of DFQC when he once again came into her bedroom … What were you thinking, baby? So she knows very well what can happen...)

That moment, when DFQC kisses XLH underwater (I think he kissed her as much as he wanted. Otherwise, why would he make excuses like that?). We are even shown after that how a leaf sprouts on his tree of emotions. He touches his lips and realizes, that he enjoys kissing her. He never kissed anyone. And this feeling… (Feelings?! Emotions?!)

He is really pure and innocent in front of XLH. He never loved anyone. She is his first and only love.

Personally, I close this puzzle like this. Maybe someone also has thoughts on this? Maybe you have something?

[stromuprisahat]

Question: how do you justify what the darkling did to Genya, Alina and Nikolai? I don’t even mean this to sound rude, but I’m just genuinely curious how you just brush past that when you say the Darkling never did anything he’d have to apologize for 🙃

I'd start with stating that I don't like the word "justify". Google says its meaning is "to show or prove to be right or reasonable", which to me sounds like something that's expected whenever you're about to do something that might offend or hurt anyone. Like pre-made apology you owe people even though you might not have anything to apologize for in the end.

It's really about lack of better words. Czech dictionary translates "justify" as "odůvodnit" or "ospravedlnit", out of which the first one is strictly without that moral baggage. Closer to "give reason".

Aleksander's actions are often perceived out of context, as malicious crimes he committed for his own enjoyment, or whatever suits the antis best, while there are plenty of factors we shouldn't fail to consider.

Ravka- The country he loves, even though it doesn't love him. Rarely peaceful- according to Shadow and Bone, current wars last for over a century. Drained by both its neighbours, split in two for long enough it's pretty unbelievable the West is only planning to secede, poor, with ruling class, who doesn't care and has no reason to.

Grisha- From outright hated to respected, but in constant danger anywhere else, Aleksander manged to carve out a place for them under conditions. The Crown allows Grisha to live right on its backyard (to better keep an eye on), safely train and serve as soldiers or servants of noble houses, as long as they're useful, but... also has no need or intention to take it further. Grisha are glorified, envied serfs in fancy clothes. They're used by monarchy, despised and distrusted by masses, as proved by several little things throughout the first book and instant pogroms once the Fold moves (And don't forget there were no survivors- no true witnesses-, aside from few of the Darkling's people.).

His own lives' experience- Let's be honest- centuries of watching his people- however close- die, drawbacks, betrayals, constantly repeating history... gives one quite a perspective. It's a miracle the Darkling is merely numb and tired, yet somehow hardly unfeeling. Unlike the young heroes he possesses enough self-control not to start begging, crying, screaming... He's lashing out, when he has a reason to believe it won't bite him in the ass, he's petty and hurts others, punishing them for hurting him.

setting- Forget 21st century morality. If we're talking about 19th century-esque world, it wouldn't only have fancy nobles, dashing princes to play pirates privateers and masses of uneducated peasants. The reason people think the way they do is they got there somehow. Ravka still has servitude, for gods' sake! Lives don't matter the way people want them to today! It won't be only about some being rich and some poor, there should be huge differences depending on one's circumstances of birth, bloodlines, wrongs or slights generations old... I'm aware we're suppose to pretend Alina get a pass, because she's "Living Saint", but for example slapping a member of royalty should cost her. Bastard or not, you let it slide once, and next thing you know people are getting ideas and building guillotines.

Now to your question:

Genya is the easiest. She got punished for disobeying direct order, betraying the Darkling for a girl she hardly knew and who was too self-involved to truly act like the friend Genya for some reason suddenly feels her to be.

Aleksander let Genya close enough to be considerably honest around her, at least regarding his intentions with Lantsovs. Dangerous thing to do for a man in his position (and although I have my theories, this reply is no place for them). That's why he made it personal. She didn't only abandon their cause, she hurt him, so he took what she valued most about herself, fitting his revenge into her expectable punishment.

He could've had her whipped. To death even. Instead he chose more personal approach.

Alina's the messiest, because way too many feelings got involved and Aleksander's shit in handling those. His only lasting relationship is his abusive mother, others tend to die on him. Alina's a personification of a dream. Someone to keep him company for the rest of eternity. A companion he longed for for so long, he's not able to handle the bitter truth. I don't think he ever considered his "One and Only Equal" might not be interested in his goals and while he might rationally understand Alina's so much younger, he quickly loses his patience and decides to speed up her development because her young self is interfering with his general plans.

Now, while younger Aleksander might have been more passionate, he was never allowed the luxury of recklessness or even childhood, as a consequence of which he has no idea how to handle hormonal teenagers. Alina's worldview is incredibly narrow and she has several mental mechanisms to prevent her from changing that, while Aleksander's living in constant paranoia, possibility of fight or flight 24/7. They're incompatible the way they are- Alina unwilling to change, Aleksander too rigid and lacking the luxury of choice- yet in each other's way too much to merely split up. The Darkling needs the Sun Summoner as a tool and a symbol, and as long as he breathes, Alina won't have a chance to regain her beloved anonymity.

What he did to her?

The Collar was his hand forced. Unreliable deserter possessing the power he needed to ensure ceasefire.

What else is there that couldn't be explain by simple "They're on opposite sides of a conflict."?

The only other moment that comes to my mind is him burning down the orphanage, one of my favourites. The situation is thus:

The Darkling occupies the Throne (Yay!), but he lacks wide support, numbers and resources, therefore he's forced to rule by fear, which is no way to go, when he wants to build future, where Grisha are accepted. Who does have the love of masses, is an undeserving "Saint" and rogue prince, starving his own people, while being cheered on for it, because he's thwarting the Darkling at the same time. I'll ignore Nikolai for now. So, how do you catch a single person, who could be hiding anywhere, with help from anyone, while you can count on no one? You make them come to you. You make them show themselves under circumstances you control.

Alina already fled slaughter of others three times, one she even directly caused. She might pretend to be a do-gooder, but she truly cares only about herself and her otkazat'sya past. Threatening Malyen already proved to be fruitful, but that one's out of Aleksander's reach, so he tries the next best thing. Destroying her "home". There's also poetry in it- he lost his mother for Alina, it's only fair she'd lose hers. As a symbol of the past Alina's so stubbornly clinging to, there's even some chance it WILL really hurt her, which is certainly plus for his vengeful self.

Eventually it proves to be ruthless, simple and utterly brilliant. Alina falls for his threat and meets him in the Fold.

It's a beautiful example of sacrificing a few (The Grisha teachers probably stayed with the children for their sake, and residents of the orphanage were also just doing their jobs as far as we know.) to end civil war and bring the other side to heel. Ravka wasn't able to handle two-front war, opening third one was insanity and I'm genuinely surprised the country didn't fall (or that West didn't use it to finally free itself from East). With Alina's power under control the Darkling could've attempted "Peace or the Fold" again, perhaps even succeed this time.

And then we have Nikolai.

Second-born Lantsov thwarting his plans, proposing "his" Sun Summoner, loved by masses and army alike because unlike Aleksander, he's otkazat'sya. Goals? Same. Positions? Incomparable. Willingness to give everything? Yes for both.

In better world, they could've been allies. One easily accepted, the other highly experienced. But the story doesn't want that, so Nikolai is serious contender and an obstacle in Aleksander's way to "Fine, I'll do it myself.". He needs to be gone. Killing him would be easiest and most permanent, but Kolya fucked up, when he made it personal.

Tricking the Darkling, shooting him, proposing to his "not"gf, evacuating royal family AND Baghra, starving his forces once Darkles sits on the throne... taking away Nikolai's most valuable quality, while keeping him conscious enough to comprehend it is the way to go!

There's also a POV that says showing your essence down your rival's throat to irrecoverably change him might be seen as a romantic gesture or outright foreplay, but I happen to be a Fannibal, so I'm aware the majority of Grishaverse fans might find my ideas of romance a bit harder to digest (pun absolutely intended).

To sum up: Most of the Darkling's actions corresponds with his position of 19th century-esque war general and revolutionary attempting Coup to save his bankrupt country, while hated by masses and lacking resources. Plus a drop of clever, petty vindictiveness.

(And whole bucket of bad writing, because there are things that just DON'T MAKE SENSE- both regarding worldbuilding and characterisation.)

[hellsdisneyprincess]

Charlie sat on her bed in solemn contemplation. She felt that it was probably for the best that she made notes to people, just in case she didn't make it. Things left unsaid. Regrets. Appreciation. Love. Hope.

She spent a long time writing loving letters to everyone she knew. It was peaceful and cathartic in a way. It was helping her as much as she hoped it would help those behind. She didn't have any notion that she would be the only one who died, but she wrote on that way, not wanting to think about having to reword things for all manner a combination of survivors.

Though a mishap with an open window meant that had to start over. She still wrote. Just... Maybe a bit shorter this time. And with the window closed.

When she was done, Charlie carefully folded each, wrote the recipient's on them, and sealed them in a box labeled 'In Case I Die.' She didn't want them lost in case the hotel got destroyed. Again.

((MUN NOTE: I'm posting this now since the present is her state of mind as she writes these. Also I couldn't help myself. I have them under a read more not only for length, but also so that if you wish to read them only in the event Charlie does, you can do so. But if you want to read them ahead of time, you certainly can.

Everyone: I'm writing these for in case I die. I'm not naive enough to think that nobody will die or that I would even be the only one. But it would be impossible to account for all scenarios. So I'm writing these as if I really am the only one that goes. Any references to those also lost... I can only ask you do your best and support one another as needed. I'm sorry that I don't have a note for everyone. I guess I only have so much specific things to say to people. But it doesn't mean I love and appreciate you any less. I can only hope that most of you survive and those that remain are able to remember the allyship between Heaven and Hell. That both sides are able to broker peace and rebuild together in the wake of this disaster. Be kind to each other. See each other through your grief. Heal. Also, if any of my teacups manage to survive, I want each of you to take at least one to remember me by. Some of you even have ones specifically meant for you. Take them, please. Tea is meant to be shared with others.

Dad: There is so much I could say, but none of it could ever be enough to prevent the pain that you will be in if you are reading this. But if there is one thing I want to ask if you, and it is not going to be good and will be easier said than done. I want you to keep moving. I don't want you to avoid things anymore. That's how things fester and rot from the inside. The problems and the pain don't really go away. But if you confront them. Give yourself the space the feel the pain, but then keep moving forward. To be there for your remaining people. It still won't go away, but it will be manageable. You won't be causing more pain by your absence. One of the things I would have wanted to talk to you about after all of this is that when you had your own griefs, especially when it came to Mom, it was like nobody else in the universe had ever existed. Including me. I know you weren't consciously trying to keep me out. I think you genuinely wanted me to not feel that pain. And that is a noble quest. But I did and would feel the pain regardless. The difference is if I was forced to go through it alone or if we went through together. All of Hell is going to be grieving now. Be their for them. Grieve together. Then rebuild together. Also, I told Adam he can have my guitar so don't freak out at him over it. You will still have my violin.

Mom: Mom, I know that things were weird when you returned, but I really have cherished the time we did manage to spend together. I know both of you are going to be going through a lot in the aftermath of all of this, but I know you can all come through it the other side. I just worry that Dad will hid himself away again. Please don't let him do that. I'm sorry I wasn't able to keep him from folding when you were gone, but if anyone can help with that, it's you. And also, please don't destroy everything I've worked for. I'm not expecting you to be involved, but just... Give everything a chance. Also, I told Adam he can have my guitar so don't freak out on him if he takes me up on that. My keyboard is in my closet for you. Assuming the hotel doesn't get destroyed again.

Adam: I know my parents would be going through a lot and you unfortunately are one of the more qualified people to help guide them through this. That said, I hate to ask you to do that since I know you would be hurting too. You've suffered for so long and I can only hope that you are not lost in the shuffle of everything. I know we didn't get off on the right foot when we first met. I'll be the first to admit that I really didn't like you at the time. But since then... I think, or at least would like to think, that we've made amends and a bond. I just wish I had more time to see you as my cool uncle and not my Mom's first husband, you know? I want you to have my guitar. You'll know it's mine because it's in my room and covered in stickers. I had stopped playing music for a while when Mom had disappeared, but I've only in the last few months gotten back to it. I started with getting back to violin but I wish I could have gone back to the guitar. The cringey songs I wrote in my emo phase were done on that thing. It will have a good home in your hands.

Lute: I wish I could have made proper amends to you for everything that went down before, during, and after the hotel attack. I think just as much as I did, you were doing what you thought was right by your people and those you love. There's no fault in that and I don't think I could ever hold that personally against you. I just wish I had the time and opportunity to let you know that in person. I apologize I didn't make the effort that you deserved. I know you don't need me to say to look after Adam as I know you would. But also make sure to look after yourself too. I sincerely hope that the allyship between Heaven and Hell remains and that you find happiness within that.

Eve: I wish we could have gotten to know each other better, but I appreciate the time he did have. I thank you for looking after all of my lost people in Purgatory. I'm sorry that I couldn't remain long enough to have fully figure out redemption, but I hope you will be able to support my successor, whoever they may be, to make that dream a reality.

Alastor: I can't thank you enough for all you have said and done for me over all this time. I know you didn't actually believe in my cause. But the fact that even despite that, you stayed anyway and earnestly tried to help me with my dreams says more than action-less belief ever could. You have taught me so much and I can only hope that you are able to fulfill your own goals to the utmost. You are not obligated to stay at the hotel, but I do as is that, if you can, help whoever succeeds me in running the hotel and redemption program. I trust you to know who would be fit for the role, either singularly or I conjunction with another. Off the top of my head, I think Vaggie or Emily would be good choices. I know you haven't met Emily, unless you did in one of these battles, but she's a lot like me and has just as much faith in this dream of mine as I do. Only real difference is she's also a seraphim. There's probably a lot she needs to learn about Hell and it's residents. But all that said, you don't have to do any of that if you don't want to. As I said from the start, you can work here as long as you want to and I mean that. And do take care of Rosie. But I figure I don't need to ask that if you.

Rosie: I want to thank you for giving me the chance and support I sorely needed. I know Alastor sought me out, but you gave me a chance that I don't think any other Overlord would have. I don't think Alastor would have were he in your shoes at least. My biggest regret is that I couldn't have been the leader your people needed to see more of them through the defense of my hotel. I wish I could have been better at that but also properly honoring their sacrifice and offering my condolences. That is my truest failing as a leader and I don't think I can ever truly lift that sorrow from my heart. I will say that it truly was the greatest honor to officiate your wedding to Alastor, rushed as it was. It was only a drop in the sea compared to the kindness you have shown me. I can only hope that your life is fully of happiness in your life with Alastor. If you ever need to rant about him, you're welcome to my grave any time. I'm always up for having tea.

[fixinglitg]

SEASON 1-6 TIER LIST

Disclaimer: This involves some controversial opinions. Mainly because I know how much my opinion differs from others, and sometimes this fanbase (mostly on Reddit naturally) handles others opinions not so well when it's about their favourite character/LI.

Also, this is the one of the last posts I make before continuing my "fixing bi women" series thing I'm trying to do. It'a taking a lot longer than I thought so I just wanted to add in some filler posts so people don't think I just disappeared (if I do stop posting, I'll let yous know, don't worry)

Without further ado, and with that disclaimer in mind, continue to read if you wish!

So I've done multiple tier lists over the years, however I decided to make a fresh one after deciding that I really wanted to put the characters into more specific categories. And name those categories accordingly so that people can at least get an understanding as to why they're there for me (apart from the last one but I have an explanation for that). For each category, I'll give a few examples as to why I've chosen them in that category, but I won't do that for everyone as it'd take a very long time and my fingers can't deal with all that typing conatantly.

Note: if you'd like to hear a reason why I like/dislike a character and I haven't stated it, I'll gladly answer when I can!

SO let's begin!

This should be pretty self explanatory. I love the character that much that if they were real and my actual partner, I'd 100% marry them. And here are a couple reasons why I like specific characters:

Levi: So I genuinely think Levi is one of my favourite male LI's of all time. And I like him more than Mason because of the differences in cherrygate. If you get Levi for cherrygate, he acts more sorry for it than Mason does. He looks like he genuinely actually regrets it, and doesn't really try to push the blame elsewhere. On top of that, if you don't get him during cherrygate, he acts like a sassy little bitch towards Mason and it's so cute to watch. And I just really like his character in general. So much that I might actually continue playing S1 for him.

Gary: Now I'm pretty sure Gary is the canon LI for S2, and I'd have to agree with their choice. I like the fact that you can just go around and continue seeing him even if you're not together. And the secret kiss in the gym? That is literally the one and only time I've ever allowed my LI to do that, because I'm all about loyalty but that man was something else. On top of that, I just feel like him and MC have serious chemistry. Like proper serious chem.

Angie: I mean, come on. Angie felt like the first real friends to lovers route for me. I often choose the wlw routes when possible, so just getting her right at the end was so satisfying. Now I am a little disappointed that we didn't get more episodes with her as our LI, but her character development? Literally fantastic. And that's what I love, y'know? I know some people are really impatient and don't like it when the slow burn route is only completed right at the end, but like- I'm in love. The way she questions MC and her experiences with other women, the way she opens up to you and lets you see her, and the roof terrace scene on like- Ep 39? My absolute favourite from the new app.

This one is also self explanatory. These are marriage material too, but since the people in the category above exist, I can't marry these lot :(

BUT, I still they are worthy enough to marry. Now I know the only controversial ones will probably be Gabi and Finn, but come on. Apart from Lulu, they were literally the best LIs from S5.

Finn: Even though this man is always like "I like you" and then runs back to Kat, that's basically that season in a nutshell. But there's just something charming about Finn. Is it the Irish accent I imagine when he speaks? Is it the fact that he defended MC even though literally barely anyone else did because that season was the bully MC season? Is it the red flags? But in all seriousness, I just think he is genuinely the best out of the worst, and he'd probably improve a lot once they've left the villa. I don't think having Kat on his back was helpful at the end when you finally get to couple up with him.

Gabi: I mean, so many people dislike this woman but I don't get why? You have to be reasonable to like Gabi. See, the way I see it is that Gabi doesn't really know about MC for a while. I can't remember if she actually does know much about MC and her role in Suresh's life before she enters villa so this part may be a load of shit, but bear with me for a moment. If you've got a guy sleeping round your house, and you find a ring, you'd assume it's for you, right? And then he disappears and you see another woman in his life (I imagine that's when Gabi really finds out about MC) you'd think she's the other woman. I don't think she really paid much attention after that. And when you really think about it, if Gabi didn't have her "tantrum" as people call it, when would we have actually found out about Suresh wanting to marry MC? Either way, I just like her character, and I think she's cool enough for a ring on that finger.

So this one is BF/GF material characters. People that I haven't really thought about marrying, and I don't know if I would, but people that I'm into nonetheless. To be honest, I don't really think many of these need explaining, but if you want to know my reasoning behind Bill, go check out u/SoundNo3485 they're really awesome and I've seen them post a lot about Kassam, Bill, and now for S7 Rafael. So yeah, just click that name and you'll be sent right to their Reddit page!

Note: since there's a 10 image limit, I had to leave these two together.

This one (the second category in the picture) is basically the last one, but we'd end up breaking up in the end. Now I know that the only one gonna be questioned is Felix, so I'll explain.

Felix: When you put aside his really horrible social cues, his terrible attempts at seducing women, and his kinda weird behaviour, he's actually a cute LI. Just like with Jakub, he'll actually have sweet moments with your LI, and he also has some unique dialogue when you bring the boys back from CA (which there is some of for each of them, but not a lot really). Overall, he still shivers my timbers sometimes, but once I can get past that, he's kinda cute. And he's not even that horrible looking, I think he just needs a beard. But then again, he's only 21 so I can't expect that.

So for these lot, I don't have feelings for or my feelings are so weak that were just best friends babe. I mean, six out of the twelve I picked are undatable anyways, so can you really be surprised?

These people I like a little to consider them as a friend, but I wouldn't want to class them as anything more because I can't see them as anything more. Now you might be wondering why Blake is there. And I am too, she's a bit of a bitch tbh. But at the same time, I really like her?? I'm not even sure I can give you lot an explanation as to why I like her. If she was an OG, I'd imagine we'd be friends.

Yep. Now we're getting to the characters I don't really like. It's not that I don't like these characters, I just don't feel anything towards them, or can't remember them, or literally don't care for them. Like at all. I guess the best would have to be Jen but I literally have zero reasons as to why.

I do not like these characters at all. Now these are pretty simple explanations to the point where I don't even think I need that much to explain why. Apart from Hannah, but I'll get to her.

Cherry: Started cherrygate and this woman is so odd sometimes. And her sad (like very sad) expression looks constipated.

Miles/Jasper: Genuinely, how could you actually like either of them? I mean, Miles is definitely more attractive, but even their names suck ass imo ofc (no offense to anyone with those names I'll just associate you with these two from now on)

Mason: Literally the biggest asshole once cherrygate starts. This man is so immature about it unlike Levi. And I swear to god this man blames you or someone else rather than taking the blame?? Frustrated me to no end.

Lexi: I mean, she made S4 at the start interesting, but I just found her kinda annoying? Would be a cool enemy to lovers, but as she is I have no likings to her.

Grace: Oh how I wish I could like her. But since my first route was with Ozzy, she was just this delulu woman who couldn't seem to grasp the fact that Ozzy likes MC. And even off his route when Ozzy likes MC, but MC doesn't, she still tries to pretend Ozzy and her are a good match. You're just not babe. You're the NOPE of S6.

Marshall: I mean, come on. I can't date my first LIs twin brother, that's fucking weird. Yet he definitely deserves better than Ratmelia. Though, that doesn't mean I like him whatsoever.

Hamish: I'm sorry, this man is just a walking ick, that's all I can say.

Hannah: Now, Hannah before she left would've been WAYYY higher. But R!Hannah? No, just no. You shouldn't change yourself just to get people to like you more. And you don't have to fake stuff like confidence (at least my headcannon is she faked it) to be liked. If you're trying to get with someone, changing yourself just for them is toxic in multiple ways. Just find someone who fucking appreciates you for you, you get me babe? Okay, rant over.

I mean, can you really be surprised that almost the rest of the S5 cast are in this category, plus Jo? I mean, apparently Jo is nice, but she's called me a people pleaser way too many times for me to think that she's not the canon option for that statement. I mean, what the actual fuck? I'm trying to get you lot to calm the fuck down because you're acting like children, and then you go ahead and say that to me? I'm sorry, I like Rahim, but he fucked up choosing Jo over Shannon.

I mean. I just really fucking despise these people. The only one I can at least enjoy is Dylan since he added a whole ass scene to the game, and it was fucking amazing I can't lie. I only done that after like- 3 routes though and then restarted the episode for Angie again because I ain't continuing that. It's cool how he automatically makes you get a second place if you go as far as possible with him. But yeah, other than that, I hate these all.

Now some of you might have been wondering where these three were. Yes. They are literally the last row. Meaning the ABSOLUTE WORST.

Bobby: I'm sorry, I can understand the appeal, but I just can never get behind it. I hate how he basically acts childish throughout the whole thing (and I mean, I love some childish people, but this man was hitting all the wrong spots). And he literally looks more concerned by Lottie and "oh poor Lottie, I'm sure Gary will come back" meanwhile Gary is in the hideout with MC giving her the time of her life. And then it's like "Poor Priya y'know" BRO YOU THREW THE POOR WOMAN UNDER THE BUS IMMEDIATELY. I just felt like, when I attempted his route for the first time since I've matured, that he's too concerned by other people. Not ONCE do I remember him comforting MC first. And then the nail on the coffin was the fact that he chose Hope over Priya. I love Hope, and I really wished she coupled up with Lucas at some point instead since her and Noah were beyond toxic, but calling her the "apron to his gloves" or some shit like that was beyond infuriating.

Noah: I half explained it in the Bobby reasoning, but his man is such a fucking child?? When Hope and Priya are fighting over him, you can choose to question Noah which I do ever single fucking time, and it just shows his true colours. He basically just says it's not his fault and he's not gonna take any responsibility for it, but my guy just won't fucking pick who he likes more which wouldn't end this issue. Like oh my God, that part was so- it literally felt like the equivalent to S5. As a whole. Also, I don't find him attractive lmao.

Bruno: I mean, Bruno is literally just an IKEA Bobby. Hate his fucking looks, hate his shitty jokes, and I just hate him in general.

So now that that's over, you'll probably gain an understanding as to which characters I'm more likely to post about.

And if anyone dislikes the characters I love, or loves the characters I hate, that's okay. That's fine. I respect your opinion, just please do not start ridiculing me or telling me I'm wrong or anything like that, it does get boring after a while.

See you for the next post (god my fingers are dead) <3

[bubblepopsims]

 It didn’t take long for a notification to pop up on her phone and she immediately went to listen to it.

T: “Yeah. I’ll come over to smoke, I’ll bring supplies, and also stop by your favorite burger joint and pick you up something. I’m currently in the grocery store so if you need anything let me know.” 

Rubys eyes wandered and her lips turned into a thin line. Finding herself both annoyed and happy at how good of a guy Tobias was and is. Picking up her favorite food.. asking if she needed anything, and the tone in his voice told her that he was genuinely happy and surprised at her message. “You do no wrong do you…” she sighed and responded back with her favorite snacks. Waiting impatiently for his arrival.

It took maybe a solid hour before Tobias arrived, Ruby had taken down her hair and let it hair dry for the most part, even put another load of laundry into the washer. her back was towards the door not even hearing the door open or close. T: "you should really start locking your door you never know who might come in."

Ruby slowly turned seeing the smug smirk plastered on Tobias face before it subtly turned stern. his eyes wandered over her and made his way to set the bags down in the kitchen before plopping down on the couch with a light huff. Ruby followed slowly watching him settle in before looking up at her with a certain concerned expression. "he wants to talk.... fuck."

T: "do I even have to ask?"

Ruby said nothing hoping, prayinnnggg to fucking god he would just leave it alone but. T: "whats going on? you send your brother to tell me you don't want to see me? i thought we were better than that." Ruby sighed "Tobias, please... i dont know what Josiah told you specifically but i didn't mean any harm with it."

Tobias sighed and looked down at the floor briefly just to raise his eyes back up to Ruby. T: "you could have just told me." R: "i know.." she let out a deep breath coming to the realization that this was not the last of it. so she plopped herself down next to him on the couch.

R: "honestly i dont want to talk about it..." Tobias groaned and leaned back against the back of the couch shaking his head. T: "you are frustrating you know that?"

Ruby huffed and nodded "Trust me i know i am.. its just he brought up the wedding okay? brought up Izzi.. and well you kinda know the gist of it." T: "A gist? say more like a corner of a whole foot-long sub." Ruby couldn't help but chuckle and gave him a reassuring look. R: "Look... This... is not something i can just turn on and off.. trust me i wish i fucking knew how but i cant.. everyday.. everyday i look in the mirror it's there.. right there on my face. the memories. And now i find out the person i was so into for so long.. dealt with trauma and heartache and pain is getting fucking married. and its not to me.."

R: "its not easy for me to just get over it. I am damaged in more ways than one, but i am getting better.. doesn't mean i won't have slip-ups or fall back into old habits of pushing people away... pushing you away. you've been there.. back then when i first arrived here, i didn't know where i was going.. i didn't know what i was going to do.. and than i tumbled into that shitty fucking bar -she chuckled- and see you.. you didn't ask questions, you didn't hit on me, you just passed me a beer and gave me a nod. you didn't judge, you weren't scared, you were just genuinely giving me space to breathe." A small smirk formed on her lips "Well that's until you passed me your number on a wet ass napkin."

Tobias shrugged with embarrassment and let out a small laugh "god yeah... i remember that... shit... ahaha... but i get that you need time and space to figure out your thoughts and feelings.. it wasn't that, that got under my skin.. it is- Tobias hesitated on stating what he truly wanted to "i fucking love you and i just want to be there for you damnit.. you are such a fucking stubborn woman." but decided against it.- just, I am sorry.. I took it personally when i knew I shouldn't have. i know that it must be painful to hear that the person you love is about to marry someone else."

Ruby's mouth fell open ready to object to the words love as a present tence but the more she thought about it. the more it was true. she did genuinely love Izzi... was Ruby still in love with Izzi was the thing she didn't quite know for sure.. but seeing tobias so concerned, and troubled by his own feelings, warmed her heart a bit. R: "i am usually not the one to request things like this.. but can i have a hug?" Tobias face softened and looked over at a vulnerable? Ruby and let out a sigh "of course, come here."

Tobias took her into his arms, this was the closest they have been in weeks and part of him missed it.. he could tell she washed her hair today, the subtle scent of florals radiated from the still slightly tamp set of curls that spilled down her back. To his surprise he felt her grip grow tighter around him, nuzzling her nose into shoulder and take a deep exhale.

"he smells so good... like fresh cut wood... tall forest trees and the lingering scent of a lake near by.. i oddly missed his scent...his arms around me, that warmth that radiates off of him. "

Previous - Next

[easy-revenge]

Hii

So many people are calling Himeno a groomer and pedophile. What are your thoughts?

hellooo

oof.

ive seen the hate and slander for himeno on all platforms first hand. let me get some things out of the way first:

i do not defend himeno, nor her actions regarding denji. there is no defending that. it is what it is.

i can speak more on what ppl target her for though, bc i think its interesting.

(DISCLAIMER: opinions, in this case mine. no one has to agree with me. i have a lot to say but if you're not willing to listen and don't care about my pov, kindly move past this post. thank u)

the vast majority of ppl hating her that ive seen and/or interacted with online always find a way to get aki involved into the conversation. that's bullshit and i wanna speak on it before i touch on anything else.

aki is around 22 years old.

there is a tiktok here from one of my fav creators breaking that one down since a lot of ppl misread his introduction scene and thought he was 19:

with that said and done, there is nothing weird about aki and himeno whatsoever (ive seen ppl hate her for getting him into smoking which, ig fair, but lets be real for a sec and realize that even not knowing the spoilers, its pretty safe to assume that lung cancer is not what's gonna take them out). aki was around 19 when they met, which makes him a minor, but there was no hints whatsoever about himeno liking him until later on.

she didn't "watch him grow up" or "groom" him. she is in love with him in the present, when they are both of age. she knows aki has feelings for makima and doesn't cross any boundaries as we see both her and aki are comfortable being close with each other and initiating contact.

with the aki bullshit done, let's go back to the real thing: denji.

again, what himeno did to denji is inexcusable. there is no way around it. the fact that she was drunk doesn't serve as an excuse bc she still very much is the adult in the room and should've been more responsible.

i want to however talk about the terminology.

groomer.

a groomer is someone who builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them.

^ this is copy pasted from a dictionary. ring a bell? yes, that's literally makima.

himeno on the other hand did none of those things to denji. her offering him a kiss was more of a joke than anything else (plus she didn't know he was 16 back then) and she never had an ulterior motive for getting close to him.

im actually fairly certain that ppl call her a groomer more regarding aki than denji bc aki is the one she's known for a longer time and has had an effect on. i won't go back into this. utter bullshit. aki is not a child and himeno is not manipulating him. next.

the pedophile allegation is a bit of a rougher one to talk about. himeno initiated this playful flirting with denji at the start of the eternity devil arc, not knowing his age. she said explicitly right after that she "loves teasing boys" which implies that it was more a joke than anything else and considering that we proceed to get numerous flashbacks that let us know how deep her relationship with aki is and how genuine her feelings for him are, we can safely assume she does not give a fuck about denji.

the actual act that brought on the "pedophile" term happens when she is drunk. this, again, does not excuse her but i think can speak volumes about her state of mind. we know she gets extra flirty when she drinks and by the time the kiss happens she's tried to outdrink makima which means she's literally hammered. she is also drunk, significantly less but still, when she finds out denji's age. we know she is present enough for that info bc she remembers it the next morning when she brings it up, but again i dont think processing and comprehending information works just as well when you're half a dozen draft beers in. i dont have something more solid to say about this besides: she was really drunk and made some really bad choices bc she is irresponsible, flawed and generally messy as a person.

i dont feel comfortable calling her a pedophile. it doesn't ring that true to me. i dont think she is genuinely attracted to denji or would want to have sex with him while sober.

she knows it was wrong the next morning and she brings it up. that also shows that sober and with a clear mind she doesn't feel the same way.

the act itself is still horrible and inexcusable, but i think her thought process matters when it comes to assigning terms to her.

at the end of the day, i cant fight the ppl who do call her a pedophile. she did in fact attempt to have a sexual encounter with a minor. end of story. i mostly went into depth about this to talk about the aki thing bc it keeps popping up.

as for me, i choose to not erase her entire character over that one scene and reduce her to what ppl see her as. her arc is very well-written. SHE is very well-written. i keep recycling my words from my other posts but i think she is a perfect reflection of the universe she is in. we know she drinks and numbs everything out. we know the kind of dependency she has when it comes to aki and how it can cloud her judgment. she is very messy as i said and fundamentally flawed. but i loved seeing a broken character.

in a series like csm where denji can get cut in half and get back up to fight, its important for me to have characters like her to make u rly feel the impact of living in a world like this.

also the easy revenge storyline was dope as shit.

that's all about my thoughts on this, ive beem wanting to articulate them for a while, thank u for giving me the chance !!

[share-the-damn-bed]

he also says that Jonathan is smitten with Nancy

Yes! Very true. Thank you for reminding me, Anon!!

I just think it's totally obvious that since becoming friends, Jonathan has talked Argyle's ear off about how wonderful Nancy is and how much he loves her. Nancy being the "supposed love of [his] life" and Jonathan being "smitten" with Nancy are bold claims Argyle airs for the audience to hear (all within the same sentence, mind you). And the writers did this intentionally.

I love this initial scene with Argyle and Jonathan (and Nancy and Fred) because it quickly establishes that Argyle knows Jonathan (points out that he's moping, knows his backstory and feelings for Nancy) and is a reliable mouthpiece for Jonathan's current emotional state. I additionally love this scene because, while there are clearly long distance issues for Jonathan and Nancy that they won't admit, when they talk about the other, it is genuine and real and, most interestingly, they list the attributes that are causing relationship problems as the reasons why they love the other:

Nancy says Jonathan is "so protective over the people that he loves." and that "he’ll never back down from what’s right, what’s moral. No matter the pressure, no matter the personal cost." Meanwhile, Jonathan is living in a doom spiral because he feels like he has to put his future plans on hold to be there and support his family after graduation AND he feels like he can't talk to Nancy about this because he doesn't want to throw off her plans and dreams even though he truly believes that he'll lose her (which he doesn't want) no matter what choice he makes. So now he's stuck not doing anything (besides self medicating with Argyle to take the very sharp edge off) and putting the conversation off as long as possible.

This whole approach screams Jonathan being protective over his family and Nancy and her dreams. He is sacrificing his relationship with her for what he deems is "right" (her achieving her dreams). These choices obviously come at a huge personal cost for him (I mean watch the first few episodes of ST4 very closely, he is not living a happy, care-free life. He is miserable.) but it doesn't matter because he’ll never back down from what’s right, what’s moral. No matter what. Also, I don't want to romanticize his actions of lying to Nancy and hurting her through this choice. It is bad, but it is also understandable and realistic for his character. I also think it is clear that Jonathan doesn't want to lie, lying is, in part, what is tearing him up.

On the flip side, Jonathan says Nancy is "incredibly ambitious. She’s never done a thing halfway in her life." This is ultimately why he feels like he has to lose her. He views Nancy as someone who is going places and he loves and respects that about her (clearly says it in season 4) but he knows, through his own self-sacrifice and perceived need to protect his family, that he will only slow her down or worse, prevent her from achieving her dreams which (he believes) will lead to future resentment. None of this is on Nancy, of course, this is Jonathan's own issue, but he's worried that he's an anchor that's weighing her down and thinks letting her go will be the best thing for her.

So I absolutely love that though there are issues that need to be discussed ever so badly between these two, they have explicitly stated that the points of major conflict harming their relationship are the reasons why they love each other. This gives me hope that they can talk things out (which we know they can do and have done before), or that they at least understand each other's motivations and will respect any decisions made in season 5.

Getting back to Argyle, president of the Jonathan Byers fan club, I think his reactions to Jonathan spiraling are incredibly important and intentional. The conversation about Jonathan "slow motion break[-ing] up with Nancy" gets taken widely out of context. This could be a whole other rant post, but Jonathan does not want to break up with Nancy, he feels that losing her is inevitable. Jonathan doesn't bring up the idea of slow-motion breaking up, Argyle does AND Argyle, seemingly, brings it up to show how ridiculous Jonathan is being based on his reaction:

When Jonathan, sounding very lost, responds to the idea of slow motion breaking-up with "I guess," Argyle, who (again) knows Jonathan's feelings and has heard a lot about Nancy (enough to know that she is supposedly the love of Jonathan's life and that he's totally smitten with her), is basically like "fuck that." To show he knows how much Jonathan loves Nancy and wants to be with her, why the hell would he want to let her go. Argyle's reaction also gives me huge "I have not listened to you gush about this girl for months on end just for you to give up like this!" vibes.

Another thing I wanted to point out to contest people saying "Jonathan wants to break up with Nancy anyways," is that when Argyle dismisses the idea, Jonathan says "I know, I don't know what to do." Which is so important because it shows that Jonathan doesn't want to break up with Nancy, doesn't want to lose her, but doesn't see any other way. He is lost.

TLDR; Honestly, I'm not sure this went a bit off the rails. Argyle knows Jonathan super well and knows how much he loves Nancy. That is why he is a good character to react to Jonathan's existential crisis because he is a mouthpiece for Jonathan's wants and dreams while Jonathan is weighed down by perceived expectations, limitations, and familial trauma. Also some jancy hope.

[somuchbetterthanthat]

Mag 162 - A Cozy Cabin

Again, it's such a lovely episode, and I adore what it shows us about Martin and Jon so much. Jon getting frustrated and angry and still hurting himself by pressing the rewinding button to hear Gertrude say "I don't think so" several times about fixing the world!! Martin JUMPING on Jon deciding to go, showing he was preparing the whole time for this specifically!!!! Jon being utterly endeared and charmed by Martin's pratical travelling pack! And the very small uncertainty of Martin when Jon decides to bring the recorder -- good. The JM food keeps on being very lovely. Jon deciding to let go of Gertrude, Martin ready to fight the world and burn evil to the ground if necessary - all so good.

I really like the Gertrude and Gerry also because: 1) I love Gerry and we needed so much more of him. 2) Shows us Gertrude was a bitch til the end, even to those she did feel affection for. 3) It sets up Gerry as potential archivist too. I had forgotten that, but it's so interesting, since the previous episode set Sasha for it. Gertrude notably says it's a bad idea, but Gerry doesn't seem disinterested. But of course Elias won't consider Gerry's application: Gerry knows too much and has known too much since he was a kid.

So, in my ideal season 5, I would keep the whole Gertrude/Gerry scene and I would most definitely keep the charming JM ending. However. Look at me, i'm starting to change things.

Get rid of the Tim and Sasha scene. Look, to me it brings nothing to the table - it's more deep cutting irony for sasha, I guess, but it's already too late, we've already been mourning Sasha for several seasons. We already established Sasha as potential archivist beforehand, and we already kind of realized they could be a bit mean to JM in the birthday scenes. ALSO IT RUINS TIM AND JON. The whole point was that they WERE friends, they DID trust each other. It ruins the whole tragedy of their downfall relationship. Plus, we've done Jon bashing all S4. Been there, done that. Just take it away.

REPLACE IT WITH A S1 JON AND ELIAS SCENE. That's the kicker! it's not Sasha who was chosen, it's not Gerry. It's Jon. Show us S1 Jon, alone with Elias. Arguing about the state of the archives? Asking about Gertrude? If we want to keep the fire metaphor thing, talking about the extra security for Prentiss? I like that one because it would be an occasion to show early S1 Jon arguing with Elias expecting Elias to act and protect them, which Elias would "agree to" at the end; it would show Jon's ignorance, specifically the thing that Gerry said was too dangerous, but also Jon's stubborness and desire to know more to protect himself and the people "who are his responsability". For extra, extra tastiness, make it a conversation where Elias enquires about Martin, shows Jon's guilt about it, and get a whole genuine intimate relationship that goes beyond boss/employee. Get us the impression that S1 Jon thought Elias was someone he could confide in in private. and then. AND THEN-

Have the tape crackle as the tape!Elias repeats Jon's voice. Differently this time. Stronger. Have a cool sentence that's not coming to me right now like "Jon, Look at it." or whAtever. Or "It's only the beginning, Jon" or SOMETHING. Something that could both be from the discussion in the tape but also not. Keep Jon's little "what?" and then, bam, statement.

I'd go even harder with the statement cabin showing all the Fears Present, although relistening i realize lots of them are here already. But also i'd make it more clear maybe that it's not the "cabin" so much as Jon and Martin being a storm of all their fears feeding from each other, more than "the cabin".. If that makes sense. But that's not HUGELY necessary, the statement is lovely as is, except at the end, makes it "The Eye doesn't want you to stay here" instead of "doesn't want me to stay here". Makes it all crackle up a thousands. Makes it clear Jon's voice is Elias' voice.

It would make even more sense that Jon was getting furious at Elias, hence why suddenly this all popped up, and also have Jon trying to say something about it Martin without being quite able to explain what just happens and since Martin jumps on the "let's go" train, the thought falls through, at the same time.

[saemi-the-writer]

What would you think if an evilized villain (maybe a wishmaker-like villain or maybe even a villain that's unrelated to the butterfly miraculous) caused Chloe and Zoe to switch bodies somehow, and nobody fully understands what's going on, so Zoe (in Chloe's body) is taken by Audrey back to New York, despite Zoe desperately trying to explain things. But Chloe enters a fugue state (heavily due to trauma caused by the neglect of her parents) and genuinely thinks she's Zoe, and is even able to recall many of the things Zoe did due to being in Zoe's body. The class thinks “Zoe's” change in behavior is due to the psychological effects of method acting, since “Zoe” is playing Chloe in Astruc's new movie, but they gradually convince “Zoe” to let them help her relearn how to be “herself” again. Meanwhile, in New York, Zoe is trying to get back to Paris, but when she gets there, “Zoe” thinks she’s there to try to hurt Marinette.

Eventually, after listening to “Chloe”, Marinette starts to suspect that “Chloe” might be telling the truth, so she decides that she must test “Chloe” and “Zoe”. She fakes being in danger to see how they react. “Zoe” reacts slightly faster than “Chloe”, so Marinette comes to the conclusion that “Chloe” is lying and that “Chloe” has an evil and manipulative plan. Marinette thinks that “Chloe” must have picked up a few tricks from Lila, because she thinks no version of Chloe could possibly react faster than Zoe when it comes to protecting her.

I think I've seen this scenario sent to multiple creators of the ML fandom or people who clearly said they didn't care or like Chloé. What are you up to, anon? What do you really want from me? An honest opinion? Approbation?

Seems like a quite complicated scenario whose main purpose is to absolutely redeem Chloé after the events of season 5 and make us feel sorry for her.

Look, if you want to write a fanfic based on this, go ahead. You don't need my approval! I'm sure you'd make some Chloé stans very happy with it, and if you have fun writing it, all the better, it's the purpose of writing fanfics! Because honestly, I won't.

More rant undercut. Some very hot takes, but I don't care anymore at this point.

I like some fanon redeemed Chloé very much - heck, in my own AU she does change for the better and have a quite solid arc and background - but canon Chloé isn't changing and you need to accept it. From some spoilers I've fallen upon, she clearly has no regrets and will be selfish to the end. I mean, the last thing she does is calling Marinette to try and hurt her by telling her that Adrien will leave for London, hoping to make her suffer/cry one last time before she leaves Paris. And that is a huge bitch move, which proves once more that she has nothing heroic in her and should stay away from Marinette and the whole cast.

Do I think André is getting away with his actions too easily? Yes, definitely. And Audrey is a real bad mother, but putting all the blame on them for Chloé's actions and attitude and calling it "trauma" is pushing it. Chloé chooses to be a bitch, she chooses to help villains and terrorist, she knows people will get hurt with her actions but she doesn't care and even enjoy it. As long as she gets what she wants and feels superior to everyone, it's fine to her.

And when it comes to her father distancing himself for her, well good for him. Way too late in terms of narration, but still. Chloé is toxic to him. She keeps treating him like a mean to her ends and an ATM, and when he tries to reason her or grow some spine, she attacks on his insecurities and threatens to leave. I think most people overlook that if Audrey leaving for New York affected Chloé, it also affected her father. We see how horrified and desperate he gets in "Malediktator" when she's ready to leave on a whim, because he told her that he couldn't reasonnably ban a 14 years old and the whole class from Paris! Chloé's age shouldn't be a shield to call her out on her BS, she's toxic as a friend and as a daughter, because FREAKING YES, CHILDREN CAN BE TOXIC OR EVEN ABUSIVE TO THEIR PARENTS. And it's not always said parents' fault!! Sure, André is responsible for Chloé being spoiled rotten, and showing her a bad example, but it doesn't erase that his own daughter is treating him like shit, squeezing him for the 3 classics money - fame - power and will throw him away like trash when she has no more use of him. Not gonna expand on André's redemption arc here or it would get too long because, oh boy, do I have things/flaws to point out about it too...

Post seasons 3 to 5 Chloé might be able to change, but she should do it on her own and away from her victims. It's not Marinette or anyone's job to do it for her.

[animalisticallytimorous]

A dumb first-world-problems ramble from an exhausted autistic chick

I know I don't normally make original posts on Tumblr much, but I just need to vent somewhere I can't be followed. The individual in question doesn't have a Tumblr, as far as I'm aware. I feel like an ass about vague-posting, but my patience has been running thin for a while now. And they're not really a bad person, but I can't exactly confront them about this without things escalating into a fight. And I know this is my general account & not my new 14-exclusive account, but I just need to release some steam.

You ever get those moods where, in spite of your best efforts to tune people out & ignore the bullshit, it can be really hard to keep loving your special interests/hyperfixations? Like, it's one thing when it's coming from random strangers you don't know on the internet. But it's another thing entirely when it's coming from the people you consider close friends.

Specifics under the cut, because it's a doozy:

Shit like this has happened to me before. That's how I fell out of love with old hyperfixations like Steam-Powered Giraffe & the Gregory Horror Show, & even Pokemon for a bit before the siren songs of ScarVi & Legends: Arceus lured me back in. People I considered close teasing me about super niche stuff (in regards to the former two) & saying my taste was garbage or that I was a sheep & a shill (the latter.) And you'd think that, "Huh, maybe if I happen to hyperfixate on something mainstream, I won't run into this issue again, huh?"

Well, imagine finding someone in FFXIV to geek out over some of the more obscure & niche questlines with. Of course, I adore the MSQ! If I didn't, I wouldn't be playing this game!

But it is BEYOND frustrating for me to want to be able to enjoy this game while simultaneously acknowledging its flaws & areas it needs to grow without constantly having the mainstream parts of this thing that I love being trashed by this person I befriended.

My mainstream favs being constantly misinterpreted & treated like garbage? The favs of my other friends getting this same treatment? Having the AUDACITY to try & defend them only to be met with such (paraphrased) lines like, "Then perhaps it's just due to JRPGs being so dogshit at writing. Padding out their stories with such convoluted, needless fluff that means either I'm too stupid to understand or I can see right through the bullshit they're trying to hide through their tangled mess." Surgically nitpicking other Final Fantasy properties I bring up out of my excitement for a Gilgamesh cameo while also bashing Keith Szarabajka's voice work because he isn't the guy who voiced him in ARR? Constantly assuming the worst out of all the writers/localizers & even wishing them IRL harm for doing something with the writing you don't like? Demonizing Naoki Yoshida like he's a monolith responsible for personally slighting you every time you don't like something in the story? Hell, they've stated on numerous occasions how much they outright LOATHE the MSQ and all the main characters! Only the side characters seem to escape their ire.

Half of the time, I can't even talk with this person about the niche things we both share without them inevitably bringing up something to complain about. And I just keep telling myself to not engage, ignore it, & walk away.

But this Twitter QRT has just been the final fucking straw.

So, me just wanting to enjoy this game in spite of its shortcomings makes me a simp for a cliche & unoriginal pile of slop.

Me being both excited & nervous for the upcoming expac makes me a simp.

How the fuck dare I enjoy myself. How the fuck dare I not be miserable & let the shortcomings I have overtake my genuine love of this little thing that brings me joy & helped me make so many new friends.

I just keep wondering why this person even keeps playing if it's only the small bits of side content that bring them any amount of joy? And I can't even ask that because it's rude of me. I can't ask them to tone down the constant harping or being more decisive about picking their battles because, "I'd be telling them to suppress themselves, cutting themselves into pieces to try & not be a nuisance."

The thing is that this person isn't stupid. They're not even a bad person. And I do happen to agree with a lot of their points when they aren't being so outright hostile. They just have social struggles & autism like I do, but in the opposite direction. I'm a meek, heavy masker who represses herself out of wanting to not pick or escalate fights (growing up used to having my words habitually twisted by bullies & authority figures, being a chronic mediator amongst past friend groups leaving me with compassion fatigue), while they've taken the opposite approach & are very bold & outspoken with their opinions to the point of jumping the gun with unintended aggression. As well as the aforementioned, "immediately assuming the absolute worst about of everyone involved in this property."

I don't know.

I'm just so tired of having the little things I like be constantly shat on by people whom I'm close to. It makes ME feel like I'm the idiot with no media literacy for finding joy in these things. That I've been gaslighting myself into thinking that the things I like are actually good or hold any modicum of value. It's been 26 years, & I haven't learned to tune out all the bullshit around me. I'm still so sensitive after all this time.

[lexinympho]

[suggestive, f!reader, mentions of fwb relationship & sex, MDNI]

PART 2

Shit.

The last thing Suna expected to see after half jokingly suggesting that you and him have sex was a look of utter discontent being sent his way. Your reaction was so sudden and genuine that it even caught him off guard and had him rushing to rectify his mistake, albeit in a way that doesn't sound quite as regretful or awkward, "Damn, you think I'm that ugly?"

"Wait, no," you fixed your face at the realization that your reaction may have sent the wrong message, "you're literally beautiful and everyone knows that."

"I'm flattered."

You don't bother pointing out the sarcastic remark in favor of calling out the elephant in the room, "Where'd that come from?"

"Where'd what come from?"

"Rintarou. Don't try to gloss over the fact that you just asked me to fuck you."

"Ah ah," he leaned closer to reiterate with a casual wave of his finger, "I said 'we should fuck'. As a joke of course."

Yeah right. You weren't a fool though, you knew when he was messing with you, and you weren't blind to his flopped attempt at flirting. You also knew that so-called joke of his wasn't good for your heart, but you choose to mentally snuff out the flames in favor of clearing up any misunderstandings bound to arise without you saying anything. "You'd fuck me?"

He answers with little hesitation upon seeing your willingness to talk about this, "I mean, yeah, look at you."

You once again ignore his comment to get your point across, "...Even though we're friends?"

"Yeah?"

"And you're just okay with that?"

"You're not?" He's starting to see the main issue here.

"No? We're friends, friends don't fuck."

"Some do."

You swiftly throw out, "We don't, I don't!"

"So you won't fuck me because we're friends."

"I won't," you finish with a cross of your arms and turn your head away to hopefully hide your mortification for this topic. You don't think you have it in you to straight up tell him you'd gladly fuck him if he were your boyfriend, and you're honestly not so sure if the feeling's exactly mutual, so you keep your desires to yourself. That seems like the safest route out of this conversation.

Suna apparently decided on the risky rapids when he spoke up, "Then let's stop being friends."

'Stop being friends.'

A dizzy spell hits you in your brain's conflicted state, struggling to determine if his statement was a dream come true or a heartbreaking nightmare. Heartbreaking nightmare seems more likely. You know he's not so shallow to stop being your friend over something as small as avoiding sexual relations, but anything is possible when he practically offered up his body mere minutes ago without a second thought. Your train of thought is broken when you catch him moving closer to you in the corner of your eye, his action sending your nerves into a frenzy as you freeze up and become trapped between backing up or staying where you're at.

Backing up seemed like a bit much since you'd have to eventually stand up from his bed, yet again giving him mixed signals, and your body seemed to choose the 'stay still' option for you.

Suna speaks confidently at the sight of your frazzled state, "If us being friends is the problem, then we should just change that, right?"

"I'm not gonna be your fuck buddy-"

"Because friends don't look at each other the way I look at you, or think about each other the way I think about you." Your outlook brightened from that one sentence, giving him plenty of incentive to flash you a smirk and lean into your ear to whisper, "You have no idea how much I imagine what you'd sound like screaming my name when you're on my bed like this."

Oh. His confession sent a wave of heat straight to your core and had you squeezing your legs together.

He continued as he ran a hand along your back to send shivers across it, "You drive me crazy everytime you run up and hug me from behind, pushing your tits against me and rubbing my chest like it's nothing."

You thought he didn't notice.

Your vision was sent into a blur when he maneuvered you closer and pulled you on his lap, the young man clearly enjoying the flustered look you're sending him, blushing so pretty just for him. He pays no mind to the dusting on his own face as he goes on, "I don't just wanna fuck you though. I like it when you come over wearing something I left at your place, I like driving you around the city and getting froyo with you..."

He pulls you closer to initiate a hug and hide his face in your shoulder, ignoring the hard-on he developed from your presence on his lap, "I like it when people think we're a couple, and I always imagine what that would be like."

You stop his semi-rambling by tentatively hugging him back, still in shock by his many revelations and the singular one he needn't voice out, he likes me.

And he wants to fuck me.

Suddenly the thought of sleeping with a friend seems less daunting.

©lexinympho 2022, please do not edit or repost my works anywhere on this platform or another