#but i am also broke so not an issue we need concern with at this time

[eightyuh]

the way i want to commission art of glendale but a buff, stoic, and tired adult man that contrastingly stands at a cute 6" isn't exactly everyone's forte

[melissaeilishortega]

Hold me tighter

A/n: For this one, I did two requests (both being about comfort). I know I've been very inactive but I felt like writing :) BYE I STARTED WRITING THIS LIKE A MONTH OR TWO AGO I FINISHED THIS AT 1 AM SO DONT MIND THE SPELLING AND WRITING. PLEASE.

You're burnt out and need comfort :))

Y/n pov:

It was a Thursday night, I was coming back from work with so many emails to read and answer as a former assistant and so many essays to write as a student. Thursday was always the busiest day. The teachers would give more work so that students work hard even on the weekends and for some reason, customers reach out way more at the end of the week. I just wanted one day where I could be free. One day where I could just lay in bed holding my girlfriend all day. I couldn't even remember the last time we shared a meal. We were both very busy but it shouldn't keep us away like this. But truly, I shouldn't complain because it's simply my job.

Unfortunately, this day is only possible once I get my degree and once I can take days off again. I've always had issues with my stomach. Sometimes it would randomly start hurting. I've always been told "It's just stress" but it's still a pain in the ass to feel like you're being stabbed with every move you do and because of that, it leads to me having no more days off. I dreamt of the day I'd finally have an answer to how I can stop these cramps but it never arrived. So I would just miss an average of one day every week because I had difficulties even getting up. After that, there were also my horrible migraines that happened every two days. It was a living hell.

When I finally arrived home, I broke. I didn't think it would happen but it did. I sat in the corner of the kitchen crying for an hour until Billie arrived. I could see the shock on her face when she opened the door that led towards the kitchen and saw me curled up in a corner. I had never broken down in front of her. My immediate reaction was to try to stop crying but I couldn't. My vision was only getting blurrier from the stress of being this vulnerable with someone I love. I tried to explain myself from fear but nothing other than broken sobs came out of my throat.

"No need to talk sweetheart. I know." She whispered as she was kneeling to be at my height.

3rd pov:

Growing up in a place where you would get screamed after if you cried as someone sensitive had negative consequences on how you act and your trust towards the people you loved the most. One of those consequences being to push away some of your loved ones when they are just trying to help. But Billie knew that. She slowly got closer, with no physical touch at all, waiting for a signal that could indicate that you were comfortable with her getting closer. As time went by, she inched closer and closer, taking your hand in hers at a certain point which helped you calm down until you were calm enough and comfortable enough for her to be holding you. You stayed sitting on the floor in each other's arms for a little while just enjoying the comfort.

"Y/n?" Billie said softly, breaking the silence.

You only nodded, not finding the strength to even talk.

"Let's get you in bed okay? You're overworked baby and it kills me that you don't realize it. Gosh, can't stand seeing you this tired..." She said, this time with a more concerned tone in her voice.

She helped you get up, pulling you towards the bed. Once you got in, she joined spooning you.

"Are you comfortable..?" She whispered making sure you felt as good as possible.

"I'm so fucking sorry." You let out. "I feel like a burden Billie! I'm always the one who's late, the one finishing essays at crazy hours, I'm never there!" You exclaim, tears pricking at your eyes again, threatening to fall down on your cheeks.

"I'm holding you back Billie." You said, quietly this time.

"You know that's not true..." She answered. Her arms wrapped around your waist, holding you closer and tighter. "I love you y/n. More than anything. And if staying with you means waiting for you to finish university and get your degree then I will because I truly do love you. How about we talk about this tomorrow? I know you're tired." All you could do was let out a soft hum before falling asleep in her arms. Your girlfriend's arms. Holding you tighter and tighter than she ever did every single time.

A/n that's fucking crazy it is 12:50 am and I am tired and this ending is probably fucked

[whyse7vn]

MIDLIFE CRISIS -

[ ot7 x reader ]

JIMIN OLD ERA

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

namjoon: why are you guys so quiet today

what did you do??

just tell me so i can fix it pls and thx

hobi: idk I’m at the studio

y/n: omw to the studio so idk x2

jk: i am at home

tae: i am also at jungkooks home (and y/ns i would never forget u my queen i love ur house) maybe yoongi got into a fight again idk

yoongi: i am watching tv

not fighting

that was one time

hobi: didn’t you break woozi’s nose literally last week and harassed scoups a week before that?

jin: he also did knock out that one staff guy last month

namjoon: he did

and luckily when the guy woke up he couldn’t remember anything and didn’t sue

yoongi: you know about all that?

stop stalking me

freaks.

hobi: people talk yoongi!!!

tae: AND HE PUNCHED ME YESTERDAY

y/n: YOU BROKE WOOZI’S NOSE??????

tae: ok but yoongi also punched ME like who even is woozi when he’s at home????

yoongi: me but if i was ugly homeless untalented and had a broken nose

jin: yoongi is woozi’s evil twin

y/n: WHAT DID WOOZI EVER DO TO YOU??

yoongi: idk a woozi

namjoon: we are getting off track

jimin jin what did you do??

jimin: NOTHING I SWEAR IT WASN’T ME LITERALLY MAKING A SANDWICH RN

jin: i was cleaning haven’t done anything promise

namjoon: who is lying to me

pls tell me i really don’t have time for this rn

y/n: i vote jimin why is he shouting never trust a man that shouts

also tae get the fuck out my house rn

and can i get a little context about this woozi situation….

tae: cant wait for u to come home #sleepover

jimin: ITS NOT ME I SWEAR ALSO I THINK I BROKE MY PHONE I CANT TAKE CAPSLOCK OFF HELP

I VOTE JIN CUZ FYM UR CLEANING

jin: it means i me cleaning?

is he stupid? anyways i vote y/n cuz she’s a sick little liar and is probably causing problems

y/n: i’m literally in a car rn i’m not doing anything

YOONGI ANSWER UR PHONE RN

yoongi: read my message i sent you :3

hobi: i vote tae

jk: same

tae: wtf jungkook

jk: sorry u are taking real long in the toilet for all i know you could of jumped out the window and stabbed 46 people

tae: no cuz ur so right

but i haven’t btw namjoon if ur wondering

namjoon: ur all stressing me out

stop arguing

and NO sex talk please

jimin: ??????

yoongi: who is arguing?

jin: and who is talking about sex?

namjoon: oh

um okay

cool

good

yoongi: freak

hobi: yoongi about to send u this song listen to it pretty pls with a cherry on top >.<

yoongi: k

jk: guys pls someone bring me bread

i ate all my bread

y/n: will get some on my way home

yoongi i stg answer ur phone

jk: blushing

yoongi: :3333

jimin: PLS SOMONE HELP ME HOW DO I FIX THIS

jin: it’s probably a issue in ur settings

maybe idk

have you checked?

jimin: WILL DO THAT

namjoon: this feel extremely wrong

is everyone ok?

hobi: yes yes

yoongi: 👍🏻

jimin: YEAH

tae: yh

jin: yup

jk: yes mr namjoon

y/n: ofc !!

but woozi is not can we pls address the woozi situation yoongi did NOT answer me

namjoon: okay

why do i feel like something is wrong then

everything is wayyyyy to calm

it’s like

domestic almost

in a strange way

its unsettling

jin: then settle? idk what to tell you

jk: domestic malewife 🥺

my dream

y/n: ????

namjoon: no one is threatening to kill anyone

ur not taking about sex

nothing about feminism

or tae being broke

no jk vs yoongi

jin vs jimin????

hobi isn’t singing

no drug talk

and not one of you is on drugs right now??

guys be fr

what’s wrong?

jk: do you want me to get high rn??????

i can do it

if you want

i can

just say the word

namjoon: no wtf???

i would LIKE if you guys told me what the fuck you’re hiding from me

jin: let’s talk about what UR hiding joon

y/n: OMG WHY ARE WE NOT CONCERNED THAT YOONGI BROKE WOOZIS NOSE LIKE HELLO?????

namjoon: what i’m hiding????

i’m not hiding anything

jimin: IS IT FIXED NOW GUYS?

tae: when life gets tough you need to fix yourself

or you won’t be fixed

jk: woah

yoongi: what?

hobi: it’s cold as fuck toady

y/n: HIS NOSE HELLO??? ITS BROKEN

jk: tell him to fix it

because if he doesn’t fix himself he won’t be fixed

tae: the way jungkook just gets it 🥺

jin: don’t lie kim namjoon

namjoon: i really don’t know what ur talking about but ok??

anyways u guys are still bothering me but not in a i want to bash my head against a wall sense like normal

but in a are they being held at gun point sense

can you all snap out of it??

jk: don’t bash ur head joon

namjoon: im not

that is my problem

yoongi: sounds like you are

namjoon: you guys did something real fucked up didnt you that’s why ur acting like this

you can tell me

i wont get mad

hobi: ok can you shut up ohmygod

jimin: LITERALLY JOON UR GREAT AND ALL BUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT PLS SHUT THE HELL UP

jk: can you not shout pls ur scaring people

jimin: I CANT HELP IT

jk: sorry i’m just a ugly pig then

yoongi: ur so dramatic

tae: don’t worry kookie small men often carry a large amount of rage that’s why jimin is shouting

don’t take it personal

jimin: ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME??

y/n: ok so you guys really don’t gaf about woozi???

jk: what is that???

yoongi: literally

tae: y/n can you also buy cheese for us when you come back

jk: cheese 🤤

y/n: whatever….

namjoon: wow ok

so

i’ll just go then?

jk: baiiii ^^ 💞✨

namjoon: no this feels so wrong

y/n: go take a nap joon

hobi: bros just yapping away like 💀

tae: GO

namjoon: did you guys kill someone?

be honest with me im begging

jin: maybe if we ignore him he’ll go away

jimin: fixed my keyboard

thank god amen #lifeisgood

namjoon: guys

jk: i’m a man not a guy

yoongi: what

hobi: do you think maybe this is his midlife crisis?

jin: i thought the whole rap monster thing was his midlife crisis

y/n: he was like 18 then?

jin: i didn’t expect him to live long

jimin: start of life crisis

tae: maybe namjoon himself is the crisis

namjoon: you guys are my crisis

y/n: we haven’t even done anything

namjoon: can you guys do something

hobi: ur really loosing it

namjoon: don’t make ME do something

hobi: wtf is namjoon threatening me rn?

jimin: what is the worst namjoon can do be fr

namjoon: i have like 127 snipers on ur house rn shut the fuck up

jimin: wtf???????

y/n: nct core

namjoon: me y/n and tae had a threesome

jk: WHAT??????????????

jin: I KNEW IT I KNEW IT

jimin: oh my actual god

tae: I HIT I HIT GUYS I DID IT ALL OF YOU THAT PRAYED ON MY DOWNFALL LOOK AT ME NOW LOOK AT ME

namjoon: but that’s not the first time we fucked

minus tae ofc

tae: wait what

hobi: oh wow

namjoon: on jungkooks birthday last year

yoongi: laughed

namjoon: and at a sleepover we all had at yoongi’s house

yoongi: oh

jk: WHAT THE FUCK

y/n: i am going to kill you

namjoon: i have almost asked her to be my girlfriend

y/n: what

namjoon: on multiple occasions

jk: THIS HAS TO BE FAKE OMGSHH2£:£!£3:;&;’cmnfkknfmfnc

y/n: namjoon

namjoon: i’ve tried to get taehyung kicked out of the group a total of 29 times

tae: WHY WTF

????

OMG

BETRAYAL OF THE CENTURY

WHAT THE HELL

jin: LMAO that’s crazy as hell

namjoon: i have never eaten a single dish jin has ever cooked for me

jin: ARE YOU SICK?????????

I SLAVE AWAY IN THE KITCHEN

AND FOR WHAT???

FUCKING UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT

NEVER COOKING FOR U AGAIN

WOW IM SO PISSED

FUCK YOU

UGLY FUCK

namjoon: when we debuted i believed jimin was the ugliest man i had ever seen and felt physically ill when people would flirt with him because wtf were they seeing??

jimin: WOW

WOOOOOW

wow

that’s crazy actually

do u even fw us be honest

hobi: definitely fw y/n that’s for sure!!!

ok i’m sorry i didn’t mean it i don’t want to know what you have to say im sorry i just saw the opportunity PLS IM SORRY IM SORRY

namjoon: ur mother used to send me money so i would hang with you

hobi: ur telling me our sunday bonding days weren’t actually sunday bonding days 🥲

namjoon: i wanted to shoot myself in the head

jimin: what the actual fuck is happening

jk: HES LYING HES LYING THERE IS NO WUAYS HES LYINGGGGGGG

namjoon: why would i be lying?

y/n: namjoon you need stop talking

yoongi: namjoon kill yourself

jk: YEAH KILL YOURSELF

namjoon: thank you

jimin: this is by far the craziest degradation kink i’ve ever seen

namjoon: argue

yoongi: you want us to argue?

are you high?

jk: HES HIGH HE IS I KNOW IT

HE WOULDNT SAY ALL OF THAT SOBER

tae: waittt namjoons first high 💞💞💞💞

jimin: that makes sense

he don’t even know what he’s talking about rn lmao

not even mad anymore

i’m happy for u bro

namjoon: no i definitely do know what i’m talking about

i just want you guys to act normal

tae: it’s okay ur doing great joonie

namjoon: I AM NOT HIGH STOP

y/n: you have to be cuz wtf

jk: im confused

namjoon: shut up

jk: why is namjoon fighting me

namjoon: i literally slept with y/n

jk: STOP IT MAKE HIM GO AWAY

PLEASE

jin: IDC IF HES OFF FUCKING COKE RN

he’s actually so fucked up and insane for saying that TO ME LIKE TO ME MY COOKING ARE YOU INSANE??????

what a SHIT leader…

hobi: i think maybe he needs to hug a tree rn

stay grounded or smth

yoongi: bro is off the trees rn wydm

namjoon: i am “off” absolutely nothing rn maybe i’m just really concerned for you all

and maybe just maybe it’s you guys’ fault for making me have to act and talk insane so YOU GUYS can act and talk insane and make me feel at peace in life

you made me like this

all you do is cause me stress

this is ALL UR OWN FAULT

tae: i am NOT reading that essay 😭

jimin: omg we are all literally being gaslit by kim namjoon rn what the actual fuck is life

namjoon: im sick of you all

ur ageing me

y/n: i think ur ageing urself tbh

hobi: life goes on man…

tae: tbh i think namjoon is going through a bad trip rn

like tell me he doesn’t sound high as hell

jimin: you’ve actually lost it namjoon

hobi: it was bound to happen

tae: it’s okay just hold ur breath until you pass out and when u wake up you’ll be fine

that’s how i stop a bad trip

namjoon: I AM NOT HIGH FOR THE LAST TIME

jk: that’s what i say when i’m high

just saying

yoongi: this is definitely that midlife crisis

namjoon: why are you not freaking out about me literally having sex with the girl your in love with

yoongi: ur high and idc

jk: I CARE

i don’t believe you joon 😡

y/n: this is not life rn…..

hobi: are all four of you not in love with her wow thats kinda insane

y/n rizz go crazy

jimin: why don’t you all just like idk

date????

hobi: omg wait i wanna date too don’t leave me out this time 🥺🫰🏼

yoongi: i’ll pass

MY girl idk if you get that or not

jimin: but she’s-

ok

whatever

ur all fucked up idc

might as well all fuck but fuck me right???

ur girl no ur so right i need to just shut my mouth

sighs looks left looks right

idiot

namjoon: you all make me sick

jimin: literally do not care

jk: do you need a hug namjoon?

namjoon: absolutely not shut the fuck up

jk: oh 🥲

yoongi: so ur just really fucking mean high?

sucks

namjoon: IS HELL FROZEN OVER YOONGI BASICALLY JUST DEFENDED JUNGKOOK LIKE WHAT????? GUYS ARE YOU SEEING THIS???

hobi: who sold you this weed man..

we need to get them

jimin: he probably got sold cocaine got told it was weed and took it all

jin: yikes

sleep it off joon!!

namjoon: I HATE YOU ALL

omg

guys

i’m going to kill myself

….

now you say good or like do it or we won’t miss you

jin: who hurt you??

namjoon: YOU GUYS DID

YOU GUYS DO

ALL THE TIME ACTUALLY

WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING THAT NOW

jk: he wants us to tell him to kill himself?

namjoon: YES

y/n: he’s actually loosing his mind wow

hobi: he’s literally on another universe rn

jin: i’ll actually kill you instead of telling you to kill urself how about that!

namjoon: SHUT THE HELL UP

yoongi: does he want us to argue or stfu??? i don’t get it anymore

y/n: ur really like being insane rn joon

jimin: this a high that NEEDS to be slept off…

namjoon: there is no way u guys are being fr rn…

you guys are fucking with me

WHY IS IT AN ISSUE WHEN I SAY SOMETHING OUT OF LINE

hobi: you said MANY things out of line

namjoon: BUT YOU GUYS CAN TALK ABOUT HOW TAE HAD SEX WITH A RANDOM GIRL IN ALLEY FOR FREE FOOD AND NO ONE SAYS SHIT?????

tae: THAT IS NOT TRUE BTW

NAMJOON TELL THEM ITS NOT TRUE

namjoon: YOU GUYS ARE LITERALLY AT EACH OTHERS THROATS EVERY DAY AND WHEN I QUESTION WHY UR ALL BEING NORMAL I GET LOOKED AT FUNNY???

y/n: this is us normal?

I WAS LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT HOW YOONGI BROKE MY FRIENDS NOSE IS THAT NORMAL TO YOU???

tae: namjoon just used that fake scenario as an example IT IS NOT TRUE

namjoon: everyday you all push me closer to suicide

yoongi: ok?

idk what you want us to do at this point

namjoon: i don’t know either

yoongi: ok??

namjoon: ok

jk: OK 😋

namjoon: i think i’m gonna go now

namjoon left “JIMIN OLD ERA”

jimin: lmao i NEED to find out what he’s smoking that was crazy

—

i hate this actually.

tags: @piw6n @jvmisvu @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @indigobsessed @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @yojaschill @k4ngelz

[daffi-990]

WIP Wednesday 📝

Me: oh yeah the Eddie breakdown fic will probably only be about 5k

Also me: is 6K into said fic with the end not even in sight 😅

Gotta love when a fic gets away from you haha. Anyways, I was going to share this snippet yesterday but opted for the Buck/Taylor one instead cos it felt more of a tease. This one … I really like the dog metaphors I used in the fourth paragraph and really want to share it with you. Enjoy!

“You planning on moving in?” Eddie jokes as Buck walks into the lounge room with his stuff.

Buck laughs but there’s not much humour behind it. “Uh maybe?” Buck dumps his suitcase on the couch and turns back to Eddie. “Taylor and I we- we broke up.” He spreads his arms to the side in a what can you do way, huffing when he drops them, the sound of his hands hitting his jean clad thighs loud in the silence that his news has brought.

Eddie’s face remains neutral, but his eyes flicker with emotion, the briefest flash of hope lighting up his irises and Buck wants to pause time, to take a moment and ask Eddie what it means. Is it the same hope that beats inside Buck’s own heart? Clawing at the cage of his own making every time Eddie’s touch or gaze lingers for too long to be brushed under the veil of friendship. But just as fast as the hope appeared it’s gone again, concern now etched all over Eddie’s face, his eyes also holding a small sentiment of relief.

Buck knows Eddie has never been a fan of Taylor’s. From the day she sauntered into the firehouse after they’d rescued her, Eddie’s hackles were up, like a dog when someone is unwelcome in their territory. He’d bared his teeth but Taylor had claws and wasn’t so easily deterred. At Buck’s insistence, Eddie had pulled back, grumbling and growling, and when Buck had announced they were dating, Eddie’s growling died down and he became impassive, making sure to be polite to Taylor when she was around. Buck has always suspected though that Eddie took his issues and dislikes about Taylor to someone else, needing to snarl and gnash about the interloper but not wanting to upset Buck.

Eddie has none of that reservation anymore, the news of Buck’s breakup unlatching the muzzle that’s kept his best friends bark quiet for too long.

“I’d say I’m sorry you guys broke up, but I’d be lying.” Buck snorts at Eddie’s honesty, the other man grinning sheepishly before his expression turns more sincere. “I am sorry you’re hurting though. I know you loved her. God knows why.” An incredulous look crosses Eddie’s face that Buck doesn’t think he meant to make and for some reason it sets Buck off, laughter bubbling out of him.

It doesn’t take long for Eddie to follow, his laugh such a wonderful and welcomed sound after last night. It’s a light among the darkness, a sign that Eddie is still here and fighting, not lost to him in the pain of his past.

No pressure tagging: @jamespearce9-1-1 @hippolotamus @thewolvesof1998 @steadfastsaturnsrings @wildlife4life @watchyourbuck @wikiangela @exhuastedpigeon @elvensorceress @eddiebabygirldiaz @evanbegins @rainbow-nerdss @rewritetheending @the-likesofus @try-set-me-on-fire @theotherbuckley @princessfbi @puppyboybuckley @athenagranted @sibylsleaves @shortsighted-owl @shitouttabuck @spotsandsocks @devirnis @disasterbuckdiaz @donationwayne @fortheloveofbuddie @fiona-fififi @giddyupbuck @hoodie-buck @honestlydarkprincess @homerforsure @nmcggg @jesuisici33 @jeeyuns @loserdiaz @ladydorian05 @lover-of-mine @captain-hen @bekkachaos @monsterrae1 @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @mellaithwen and anyone else wanting to share something, be it fic, art, gif, music .. whatever you want ❤️

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for not allowing my aging mother-in-law to have her only grandchild over?

My (29NB) MIL (65F) has been declining lately with her physical and cognitive health. She lives alone but we've started checking in on her regularly. Recently we decided she needs increased assistance in her home because, frankly, it's filthy to the point of being unsafe. We've helped her with cleaning projects here and there but it's way too extreme for us to handle alone, and certainly too much for her to stay on top of. The biggest concern is that she has 4 pets (2 cats and 2 dogs) who are not house trained at all and basically pee and poop all over the entire house, and she doesn't/cant keep up with it. We've helped her hire a cleaning service going forward, but we've also expressed concern that she may need to think about rehoming her animals as she is struggling to care for herself, let alone four pets as well. This did not go over well at all and she really broke down saying there is no way she would ever get rid of her dogs for any reason.

My husband (34M) and I are expecting our first child next month. MIL is very excited to finally have the grandchild she's been hoping for for years. We also know there's a chance MIL won't be around a whole lot longer. However, I'm just not comfortable with the idea of my baby crawling around (or even being set down) in her house with the problems it has, especially with how stubborn she's being about allowing the animals to make such a mess (the cleaning service would be once a week and that's plenty of time for things to build up). She's even bought two different bassinets for her house -- she says she wants to be able to watch the baby at her house sometimes, but the first one got really gross within weeks. I am okay with her visiting us in our home. But would it be an asshole move for me to put my foot down and say we won't be bringing the baby to her house as long as this is an issue? I am sort of hoping it might motivate her to reconsider what is realistic for her to manage at home, but even more so, I'm trying to keep my kid safe and healthy.

What are these acronyms?

[polyamorousmood]

hey! I hope this isn't too non-traditional of a poly situation to be sending in, but this is the only place I think I'll be able to get good advice. As a pre-ask thing, to be clear, my best friend is the love of my life, I am aroace, we're very happily in love.

So, a while ago, we were dating, and it ended pretty quickly bc he came out as aroace. I asked him a lot whether or not that was the full reason he broke up with me and he insisted that it was and if it was going to be anyone it would have been me. I figured out that I was also aroace a couple months later. Recently (about a year after we first met and started dating) he got a boyfriend. I already set a firm boundary of no talking to me about his boyfriend bc it made me have a paranoid breakdown once and I don't want to do that to him, but even just the knowledge of him existing is pissing me off so much. I can't ask him to break up with him because I would never do thst to him and I love him more than anything even if this situation is hurting me like this, but I did recently ask him how the relationship was going with him being aroace, and he said that he isn't really aroace and he just wasn't ready for a relationship with me and thinking about that makes me want to cry. I don't want something romantic with him, I'm very much aroace and very sex and sensuality repulsed, I just hate that this random guy who I don't even know and never will (I don't want to bc I know I'd end up being a dick to him if I did meet him) is somehow more important to him than me, even if he insists thst isn't how it is. Since the situation isn't changing, I really need help with dealing with the jealousy. I've tried a ton of stuff and every single time I think about him I still want to kill him. I really don't know what to do, and my therapist isn't being particularly helpful (she isn't poly tho so she doesn't have experience with weird situations)

Hi. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with this.

I'm curious how "he got a boyfriend" went down, and why you didn't bring up your concerns about his honestly to him when he was initially talking to you about it. Or if you did, why it still... doesn't seem resolved😬.

Not to put emotions in your mouth, but it sounds like a large proportion (though certainly not all) of your issue here stems from you feeling lied to about the breakup. This would damage anyone's trust and faith in the relationship, and I think having a formal talk about why he handled it the way he did and if that will continue in your refigured relationship will really help you. Maybe he didn't lie, maybe he was genuinely confused (for example, "if I can't make a relationship work with this person I feel a deep connection with, I must be aroace!" [one year later] "yo wtf I wanna fuck this other person?")! I think you should acknowledge -- with him, if possible -- that hurt. You feel like you want to cry? So cry. Giving the feeling full expression makes it easier to work through (and the only way out is through, darling).

Be prepared to explain why it hurts so much. The betrayal, your assumption that since he was aroace y'all were on the same page and he'd functionally be your life partner, or whatever the fuck.

Aside from the advice in this post (please read it in full📖, it is all applicable here), you have a LOT of legwork🦵 to do in unpacking and deconstructing your feelings. I think this worksheet outlines how to do that well (though, you know, tweak the wording in your head, because its aimed at a more traditional romance). If done right, it will be difficult and time consuming⌛. I recommend working through the worksheet slowly, in at least two separate sessions an hour or longer each. 'Cause shit takes time to sink in. In fact, you will have to remind yourself of the things you learn doing it for weeks to come, if not longer, so don't be afraid to revisit it! There is no shortcut, but I hope you and your best friend can be on the same page and you can have support while you navigate it.

Remember, the boyfriend didn't do anything wrong. He cares about this guy you care about. Try to see him as an extra support for him, rather than competition.

Good luck out there, space cowboy. There is hope 💛 <- its a yellow heart for friendship, get it?

[bengiyo]

Don't Care for an Old Man's Underwear! Ep 2 Stray Thoughts

Thanks again to @isaksbestpillow for making this watch possible.

Last time, we met Okita Makoto, a middle-aged supervisor of a copier sales company whose toxic masculinity has let him down in his professional and personal relationships. He regularly offends his juniors (especially the women on their team), his kpop stan wife, mangaka daughter, and queer son. An unlikely encounter with a self-assured gay man led to the start of a new friendship, and Okita has promised his son that he will work to update himself so he can connect with his family and peers.

I am a little sad for this man that the opening sequence was a dream. As off-putting as he is, I do think he genuinely cares for his family.

Mm, ruined it immediately by being rude to Moe.

Oh, Okita. You can't walk it back right away like that. You're going to kill the trust of your team. You just said that people have a right to their breaks.

Oof, that was painful. Growth is not easy and not a straight line.

Wow, finally a show captures the constant pressure heteronormativity places on you when you don't fit in with it. That was an excellent sequence when Kakeru hesitated at the door.

Genuinely, this show is doing really well so far. It's putting in a lot of empathetic work on a man whose position allows his bad behaviors to cause issues for other people. I like that the show doesn't demonize him, and shows that his actions come from a believable human place. I also like that they use the wise gay child to ask the big question: Do you want to connect with others, or have you given up on people altogether?

Bro, you really should not have opened her mail. Even if you were concerned you broke it, you should have just called her down. This is not cool.

I actually like this junior's explanation of why he wears a bra. I'm glad it wasn't a gender thing or even an expectedly queer thing. He just wanted to feel like he's supported and that's enough.

Okay, I'm very excited about Okita Makoto going to sell yaoi at a fan event. I hope he brings Igarashi Daichi with him.

This flashback for Moe was also so good. We all make flippant comments about things we don't like or understand all the time. We won't remember it, but the people around us might. In this case, Moe knows her father will never understand her passions and can't share them with him.

Yes, Daichi!!

Everything about this con is excellent so far. Makoto may be getting shock at everyone's outfits, but he picked up immediately at how determined everyone is and appreciates their discipline.

I love Apple.

Daichi doesn't know what a fujoshi actually is? There's something interesting here about a self-actualized gay not even participating in this part of fandom.

Okay, I'm alright with it. He has the right attitude.

"People who love something are strong." He's beginning to believe.

Yes, Daichi, go on your date!

I teared up when Moe got emotional about Makoto selling the books, and love them ending that moment with her scream about him looking inside the work as a way to check on Kakeru.

I'm glad Makoto only observed that moment between Daichi and that guy, and has to confront the practical reality that Daichi is gay, and not just some magical youth that helps him. Daichi has a life.

Ending on Makoto seeing Kakeru as he wants to be is an excellent way to end this, because he's forced to see that people find strength in passions outside of his experience and must apply it to the people in his life.

This show is so good. There are quite a few characters, and the way they're weaving them into the narrative of the episode is truly special. In this episode we had Kakeru struggling to leave the house because he can't feel safe being seen as he is, while Moe is fighting to get out of the house because she needs to be seen by her people. Makoto is trying, but he's still not ready to see everyone the way they are. This is so legible. I am rooting for everyone.

[eventide-imp]

This is a vent post. It's kind of long I guess. I just needed to put it somewhere because I feel like I'm losing my mind. And I had already woken up depressed as hell yesterday when part of this happened.

I need someone in charge of the strings of fate give me a FUCKING break. Gas gets cut off with no notice and we manage to get it back on after four days and TWO calls to the gas company. Since the pilot lights went out because there was no gas, the oven is still dead and there's no way for me to relight it. It just keeps giving an error. Which means spending more money for it to be serviced.

The water heater light was also out. Well guess who's going on almost two weeks with no hot water now because after getting the gas back on, we discovered the fucking control panel for the water heater is dead! Which means we can't turn the damn water heater back on. It's 325 to replace it OR over 900 to just replace the whole damn thing.

And the shower doesn't work. It's a simple part to replace but the one my grandmother bought doesn't fit. my grandmother refuses to pay a plumber to come fix it or just buy a new part that should fit. That's been broke for over a month. So everybody has to try and wash in the tub, and now in freezing cold water. I finally ended up going to my mom's just so I could wash my hair for the first time in two months.

And then my 12 year old Big Pup was doing a very normal 12 year old thing. Being curious about one of those character chatbots. His friends use it, so of course he's gonna want to look at it. Frankly I'm only concerned about him potentially getting something 18+ out of it. My ex on the other hand is CONVINCED someone could hack it and start talking to him through it??? Nothing I said could dissuade him from this, even when I said it doesn't work like that he just insisted "well it has HUMAN OVERSIGHT doesn't it!?" And like yeah but that's still not how it works???

The only real issue, in my opinion, was Big Pup feeling the need to sneak around to use it. My ex was also concerned that the kid was apparently talking to the character like a romantic partner, which, I don't actually know what that means. And he didn't bother to take a screenshot or anything to show me as an example, so I still have no idea what that means. His other concern was the kid not feeling like he could talk to people well and struggling to socialize. Which is normal??? For being 12???? Like middle school and high school are AWKWARD AS FUCK, there's so much going on for them to deal with!

I made it clear I had no issues with finding a therapist for Big Pup (he's an anxious bean, has parents who aren't together, has a younger sibling with a decent age gap, he's got a lot to cope with!), and I was also not opposed to getting the kid into after school programs so he could try to socialize more within his hobbies.

But I offered to show the kid ao3 so he could have fanfic to read instead of using the chatbots. I thought that was a good compromise. My ex just said "NO. He can write it if he wants but I don't want him reading anyone else's stuff. Yeah that's your thing and you read it at his age cause your parents should've been paying more attention to you."

I......I am trying not to take the rest of what he said personally, because it basically just continued like that where he shut me down instead of at least considering that as an option alongside the other things. And comments about my parents not paying enough attention to what I did on the internet. but it just really REALLY felt like he was basically saying he doesn't want our son to end up like ME.

I know I struggle socially. I always have. The only time in my life where my friend group was greater than four people, one of whom was usually my twin, was high school and that's purely on the patience of one girl deciding she was gonna stand in front of my desk to talk to the nervous and shy mouse of a girl with the manga during history class the first day. And then three of her friends, all of them having been friends during middle school, joining her. They stood around my desk and talked over my head for three days before I got the courage to actually join the conversations. And then they found out the school had an anime club. And even in anime club, surrounded by peers who actually liked the same things I liked, I still struggled. I still talked the least. They didn't care. I was there and listening and could manage a few jokes, that was enough.

Most of my friendships moved online after I had Big Pup. Nobody wants to keep inviting someone who can never come out anyway. (My family staunchly refused to babysit unless I needed to go to a doctors appointment or do the grocery shopping). I'm very glad of my online friendships. They've helped me so much. I try to return the favor as much as possible. They've bought my kids Christmas gifts, and birthday gifts, and helped me with transportation and so many other things. They're part of my support system. I love them.

I know I'm not any better socially. If anything I've probably gotten worse. I KNOW I've pretty much stopped masking my neurodivergence most times. It's just too exhausting to have to pretend to be neurotypical 24/7. It's part of why I burnt out and my body crashed. Nobody really wants to accept it. So I still have to partially mask. But I can't keep it up. I just can't. It's too much for my own mental health. My ex is adhd. I've got epilepsy and a strong case for autism. Both Big Pup and Little Pup are blatantly neurodivergent. It's always been obvious to me. But my ex has been in denial about it for years. He's only just recently (like the last three or so months recent) come around to the idea that they are.

And apparently the thought that they might be like me is too much for him. But I'm supposed to take myself out of it. I'm supposed to not get defensive. I'm supposed to not take it personally.

AND ALL OF THIS WITHOUT ANY GODDAMN HOT WATER.

[babyspacebatclone]

Ok, I need some opinions on something.

I am a daycare teacher at a USA State licensed center. We serve approximately 50 children.

I always make a distinction between the center director, a woman I adore who treats the center as a community service, and the owner.

The owner would be flattered to be compared to Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk.

Any similarities the owner shares with them is entirely in the derogatory.

And after 5 6 years I am at my limit, and am very close to risking the owner’s wrath on all the staff by calling our state licensing for what I believe is a violation.

This asshole is trying to get us to do laundry every other day.

I repeat: We serve ~50 preschoolers edit toddlers and babies.

I will give details below the cut, but here’s the data gathering.

Context about the owner, henceforth “the asshole,” below “cut” two.

We used to have two washers and two dryers here at the daycare center.

About a year ago (I can’t remember the exact date), one completely broke down.

The asshole implied he would repair/replace it, and we should just use the one for the time being.

And, of course, left this alone long enough that we were stuck with just one dryer.

When we started complaining the other dryer was acting up, we were basically given rules for how to dry stuff so we didn’t “damage” it.

Two weeks ago, it gave up the ghost.

Since then, the asshole has had us wash the laundry every other day, and he takes it to a local laundromat to dry after we close.

Because when the repair guy checked the two dryers, neither were worth salvaging and both were 20+ years old.

And, apparently, he’s been telling people that went we do get a “new” 🙄 dryer we will still be expected to just do laundry “every other day.”

Since we are currently running out of wash cloths and bibs for babies and toddlers, he’s “offering” to buy more to make up the difference.

Which just… This asshole does not understand basic physics, does he????????

The only way to reduce the load on the washer and dryer is to use less cleaning stuff, not “use” it less often.

And we’re a fucking daycare center for babies, toddlers and preschoolers- we fucking need to fucking clean!!!!

We need to sanitize soft toys, especially for our babies! They chew on stuff! That’s their job!!!

We need to clean up spit up, spilt spaghetti sauce, and preschool boys missing the toilet!!!!!!

That’s the business you’re in!!!

….

Fucking asshole wouldn’t pull this on his wife’s center, I bet….. And they have fewer children….

Oh, and one of the built-in drawers in the preschool room had the front broken off two months ago. It’s still not fixed, it still slides out if a kid tries, and the broken particle board is covered up by painter tape.

This will be mentioned if I call licensing.

Anyway, the asshole - who is CFO, head of HR 😓, and makes himself responsible for all of maintenance (see above drawer issue) and purchasing supplies, also:

Says staff can’t keep rolls of garbage bags in the rooms, because then “he can’t tell when he needs to restock.” Staff are expected to grab new bags from the supply closet after cleaning.

Despite blaming staff for not being able to keep us stocked on basics, can’t manage to keep the canned veggies etc. reasonable for longer than 4 months at a stretch.

Remodeled our director’s office, without taking any of her concerns or suggestions into account. He knocked out a wall to combine two small offices, which turned out looking nice but we really wish we had an extra private room that doesn’t encroach on my director. Oh, and I know that at least half the work was done by his friends who are not in construction etc.

When he had the carpets replaced, the only company that would work with him would only do it during business hours, so we had to shuffle kids and have all the floor work done while kids were in the center. See below for why.

That’s what I remember since the start of 2024, I have more from previous years.

More background Part 2:

I’ve worked with this asshole’s series of centers for 5 edit 6 years. To my understanding, I’m the second longest employee to work for the family that’s not a family member or significant other.

The asshole (husband) doesn’t seem to think the fact he can’t keep staff for a center that’s run almost a decade and a half is a problem.

Which makes sense…

The asshole is also a licensed contractor who has to go outside the tri-city area to get plumbing and duct work done, because no one local will work with said asshole.

There are (currently) two centers under the owners, a husband and wife team. The wife’s in charge of the “main” center (the one that hemorrhages staff the most) and they purchased my current center almost five years ago when the previous owner/director retired.

I started working at a now-closed hole in a wall for the owners; getting moved over to this center and director was the best thing to happen to me, who was struggling with PTSD from a previous job (and getting re-traumatized by negligent staff at said center).

The current director started working for the old director as a college student, and is amazing. There are staff here at this center who have worked multiple decades under the previous owner.

The only reasons all the staff here continue working is the director, and honestly loving our kids and families.

But we are broken with the asshole. 😓

[cherryrainn]

the perfect pair {onceler x reader}

.7 | 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 |

warning; s3lf harm, self-hatred, depression, mental health issues, etc, and A LOT OF ANGST!!

wattpad ver

song to play while reading if you’d like that i think matches this chapter

part before

next part

note; double upload <3 + ANGSTT

you were sitting on a worn-out bench in the back of the factory, dressed in the fancy attire that onceler had bought for you, the weight of disappointment and despair settled heavily upon your shoulders. your body was exhausted, drained from the constant stress of trying to change onceler's mind. he barely spoke to you anymore, too focused on his "business meetings." you wondered if he even loved you anymore. the sky above you was a dreary, sickly shade of purple-grey, a reflection of the polluted air that choked the once-beautiful truffula valley. you couldn't remember the last time you had seen a true, unblemished blue sky.

the factory loomed in behind you, a monstrous eyesore that blotted out the beauty of nature. you couldn't help but feel like a failure for not being able to persuade onceler to see reason. you had tried so hard, but it seemed like all your efforts were in vain.

as you sat there, your gaze drifted to the animals that had gathered a few feet away. they looked so hungry, so desperate. their eyes, once filled with life and curiosity, now mirrored the emptiness you felt within. it broke your heart to see them suffering because of your onceler's greed. you wished you could do something, anything, to help them, but you were powerless.

your body curled inward, seeking solace and shelter within the sanctuary of your own embrace. the weight of your thoughts threatened to crush you as you trembled with a mix of sorrow, frustration, and self-loathing. the tears that streamed down your face were not just born of sadness, but also of an unyielding determination to fight for what was right, even if it meant facing the consequences of your own powerlessness.

a wave of self-hatred washed over you, the same thoughts that had plagued you for months. you hated yourself for not being able to make a difference, for not being strong enough to stand up to onceler. without even realizing it, you started scratching at your face, trying to relieve the tension that had built up inside you.

as you scratched away at your face, a familiar voice reached your ears, causing you to look up. the blurriness in your vision gradually cleared, revealing the comforting presence of the lorax standing before you. his vibrant orange figure contrasted against the desolate backdrop. with a gentle frown, he spoke, "don't do that."

you sniffled, feeling a mix of relief and guilt flood over you. "i'm sorry. i'm so sorry," you whispered, continuing to wipe away the remnants of your tears. the lorax moved closer, his concerned eyes meeting yours. "don't be," he reassured you, his voice filled with understanding. "it's not ch' fault. don't feel guilty about somethin' ya didn't do."

as he observed your tired eyes, the bags beneath them, and your fragile frame, he couldn't help but sigh. "when was the last time you took care of yourself?" he asked, genuine concern etched across his face.

you sniffled once again, shrugging in response. the lorax's expression softened, his voice filled with compassion. "you've got all the food you need in there, don't ya? go get somethin' to eat." his words sparked an idea in your weary mind, and your eyes brightened with newfound enthusiasm. "oh my god!" you exclaimed, a glimmer of hope returning to your voice.

without hesitation, you rose from the bench and gently lifted the lorax, placing him upon your shoulders. "we have so much food in the kitchen! i can just give it to the animals!" you exclaimed, a sense of purpose infusing your every word. the lorax beamed at the thought, appreciating your kind-hearted nature. "that's a great idea, but... how am i supposed t' get inside?" he questioned, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

a mischievous chuckle escaped your lips as you unveiled your plan. "don't worry," you reassured him, your voice filled with excitement. with a flourish, you flapped your oversized fur jacket, its ample folds creating a hiding place. "this thing is huge. surely you can just hide in it." intrigued, the lorax gave it a try, and to his surprise, it worked like a charm. "okay, great. let's get our friends some food," you declared, determination gleaming in your eyes.

with the lorax concealed within your jacket, you set off towards the factory, a renewed sense of purpose guiding your every step. the flickering hope within your heart began to grow brighter, fueled by the belief that even in the darkest times, small acts of kindness could make a difference.

you stepped into the familiar warmth of the kitchen. the air was filled with the comforting aroma of freshly baked bread and simmering soups, bringing a touch of solace to your troubled spirit. determined to provide nourishment for the hungry animals outside, you swung the fridge door open wide, revealing an array of vibrant fruits, crisp vegetables, and tantalizing treats.

the lorax emerged from the shelter of your fur jacket, his eyes widening in delight at the sight of the bountiful offerings before him. his orange figure was almost not seeable as you carefully selected a generous portion of food for him, knowing it would bring relief to his famished friends. you handed him the nourishment with a warm smile, appreciating the opportunity to offer a small ray of hope amidst the darkness.

with a gentle hop, the lorax made his way to the open window. with a grateful nod, he leaped into the outside world, disappearing into the foliage with the food clutched in his hands.

as you turned back to the task at hand, a sudden clearing of the throat startled you. slowly, you pivoted on your heels, finding yourself face to face with onceler. the atmosphere seemed to hold its breath, the air thick with anticipation and unresolved tension. in that fleeting moment, time seemed to stand still, and the weight of the world rested upon your shoulders.

the atmosphere grew tense as onceler's anger radiated through his sunglasses. the soft orange/yellow glow of the kitchen lights cast dramatic shadows across his face, accentuating the furrowed lines of frustration etched on his forehead. the room seemed to shrink, enclosing you both in a bubble of charged emotions.

his voice was laced with a mix of betrayal and disappointment as he confronted you. "what the hell are you doing, y/n?" the words sliced through the air, carrying a weight that hung heavily in the silence. his arms crossed tightly, emphasizing his frustration and the distance between you.

with a nervous gulp, you attempted to play it off, your voice laced with a touch of innocence. "oh, onceler! i...just... i'm really hungry, you know?" your sheepish smile faltered slightly under his intense scrutiny, knowing deep down that your explanation fell short of convincing.

pushing his glasses up onto his head, he leaned closer, his tone growing sharper. "you think i'm dumb? i literally saw everything." disappointment crept into his voice, a crack in his once unwavering belief in you. the vulnerability in his eyes mirrored the hurt coursing through your own heart.

his accusatory words stung, echoing through the room like a bitter melody. "i told you not to fuckin' talk to him! this guy's tryna ruin my business, y/n!" his voice carried a mix of anger, frustration, and the fear of losing everything he had built.

the ambiance of the kitchen seemed to darken, shadows dancing around you both, mirroring the darkness within your relationship. the weight of his words settled on your shoulders, and the once warm and inviting room now felt cold and suffocating. 

in the dimly lit kitchen, emotions swirled like a tempest, the air heavy with tension. the faint flicker of candlelight cast flickering shadows across the room, adding an air of melancholy to the scene. it was in this charged atmosphere that you found the strength to speak up, your voice trembling yet determined.

"onceler, you're acting like a kid!" the words pierced through the silence, hanging in the air like a challenge. the intensity in your voice mirrored the fire in your eyes as you refused to back down this time. your outstretched hand pointed accusingly toward the open window, where the devastation outside painted a bleak picture of the consequences of his actions. "look outside, it's disgusting! you did this," you proclaimed, your voice carrying a mix of frustration and despair. "look at the damage you've caused! do you feel no shame?"

the room seemed to hold its breath as your words echoed. onceler stood before you, his towering presence emphasized by the brim of his hat, his face a mask of defiance and indifference. was he really not bothered?

"look, just tell me what you want," he retorted, his voice laced with exasperation. "i know you want something 'cause you're trying way too hard! we have like... all the money in the world! you have everything! what more could you possibly want?" his words reverberated through the room.

in that moment, everything crystallized. tears welled in your eyes, threatening to spill over, as you mustered the courage to voice your deepest longing. "the boy i fell in love with!" you exclaimed, your voice carrying a mix of longing and heartbreak. the room fell into a heavy silence, as if holding its breath, as your words hung in the air.

his once fiery gaze softened, he was taken aback. his eyes widened, and you could see the shock and surprise written all over his face. it was as if your words had finally pierced through the shell he had built up around himself. his once fiery gaze softened, and his eyes widened with a mix of surprise and recognition. in that moment, it felt as if time stood still, allowing a glimmer of hope to flicker amidst the chaos that surrounded you both

with a pained expression, onceler took a hesitant step forward, closing the physical and emotional distance between you. his voice, laced with longing, emerged in a whisper. "y/n...i..." his words hung in the air, caught between the confession that begged to escape and the weight of his choices that held him captive.

but you knew, deep within your heart, that this moment of vulnerability was just a fleeting glimpse of the boy you fell in love with. the boy whose dreams were filled with creativity, compassion, and a genuine desire to protect the girl that was always around him. as much as you yearned for that version of him, you also knew that he was entangled in a web of ambition and misguided priorities.

a bittersweet ache settled within your chest, a mix of love, sadness, and determination. you couldn't bear to walk away, abandoning the person you held so dear. love had tethered you to him, and even amidst the ruins of his actions, you clung to the hope that redemption and change were still within his grasp.

you reached out, your hand trembling slightly, as if trying to bridge the gap between who he was and who he had become. your touch sat right on his chest.

but as the moments passed, you realized that his silence spoke volumes. the reality settled upon you, heavy and unyielding. he wasn't ready to let go of the path he had chosen, and you couldn't force him to change. so, with a mixture of sadness and acceptance, you gently withdrew your hand, letting the unspoken words hang between you.

[blubushie]

why are they milking you my dude. why are they stealing your bushie juice

Never call it "bushie juice" again thanks lmao

But they're stealing my prostate fluid to make sure I don't have cancer

Men over 25 should give themselves a testicular exam once a month just to be safe. Little tidbit about me: my grandfather died of testicular cancer. I have an increased risk of testicular cancer. Another little tidbit about me: I am intersex. My chromosomes are fucked, and my cells don't always reproduce properly. I have a VERY increased risk for all kinds of cancer—I am 23 and have had skin cancer 3 times. And you know what cancers I'm most susceptible to because I'm intersex with a family history? Reproductive cancers, specifically ovarian, testicular, and prostatic. Because of this I've had to give myself BIWEEKLY testicular exams since I was FOURTEEN.

I found a lump near my testicle a month ago. Naturally I immediately panicked and scheduled an appointment with my doctor first thing in the morning.

Thing is, I also need a prostate exam. I had one ONCE, when I was 18. We finished the testicular exam and then I broke down because of CSA trauma and they had to use imaging to complete the prostate exam. I passed.

For the record, I also have hypoprostatis—an undersized prostate.

I need a prostate exam done since I'm supposed to get them annually (due to my cancer risk) but haven't had one for five years. And I'm on testosterone now, which will increase the size of my prostate and very much increase my prostatic cancer risk.

The issue is that because of the hypoprostatis, the doctor won't be able to palpate my prostate properly. My insurance decided it doesn't wanna cover an exy imagining test again. And since the doctor can't properly palpate my prostate for any lumps or concerns, we have to do the next best thing—get a sample of prostate fluid and test that for cancer cells. And that can only be done by pressing hard on the prostate to squeeze out the prostate fluid.

So yeah I'm getting milked. Get your routine exams done folks you don't want cancer 👍

[myimaginarywonderland]

Right can we please focus on the most important thing:

What the fuck was the safety lack with the Alpine cars?

Not only did the tyre of Pierre apparently just come lose but Estebans fucking seat broke in half?

Not once have I heard of that happening expect maybe at Romains accident?

How can a seat from an impact that looked bad but clearly not the worst we have seen I recent years, just break in half?

Also why did we not mention the tyre falling off and I had to find out from some tweet?

Not to mention I am certain Pierre was literally on top of Este's car.

I don't know why they even let Esteban to the media pen when he hadn't been checked out yet when he was clearly in pain and even said so.

How is this not the main focus off the race?

Either the TV directions was just terrible and made it look fine while it clearly wasn't or we have a serious safety issue that needs to be discussed.

Especially with Spa coming up and the horrible weather many parts of Europe has seen I do not want to go in there with any safety concerns especially after Dilano.

[castletown-cafe]

Life Updates, AuDHD, and A Mental Trainwreck

Content Warnings: Mental illness, current events, betrayal trauma, abuse, & family death.

It's time I talked about how things have been for me lately. I'm tired of hyping up all these things/projects I can't commit to, it feels like I'm making promises I can't fulfill. I get too ambitious, I get too many ideas, and even the ones I manage to see through, I just do not enjoy the writing portion.

About a year ago, my focus drifted away from Castletown Cafe. Many of you here may know what that's like to lose interest/hyperfixation on one thing and get fixated on something else, that's natural for us with autism and ADHD. We get an intense hyperfocus on a topic or project for a while only to shift to the next topic, losing interest or forgetting about the previous. I got really fixated on Pokemon Scarlet & Violet, Splatoon 3, and ACNH this past year, as well as making my own unrelated cooking projects revolving around seasonal ingredients. This fall, I got crazy ambitious for an entire fall-themed cookbook and even a Halloween one, things that obviously will take years of practice and experimentation (and need year-round work).

On top of that, however, I have not been feeling as well mentally this year. I've had less motivation to draw, and felt a stronger dislike of writing. If you have ADHD you know how hard it is to get yourself to do something you don't want to do. It's like pulling teeth. I've always had issues with executive dysfunction, and I wonder how much of it I've succumbed to this year. And while I've never been diagnosed with clinical depression, I'm wondering/concerned if I am showing signs of it like I might have been this year with my lack of motivation, my focus and drive getting worse, loss of enjoyment of things I ordinarily enjoy doing, such as drawing, feeling sad more often, and either sleeping too much or too little.

Granted the events of this fall haven't helped. We all know what's going on in the world right now. It's horrifying, it's depressing, and it's easy to feel helpless, but we all have the power to protest, to boycott, and to use social media to amplify voices of the marginalized. I have been very active on Twitter with this, but it has also been hard to enjoy my favorite times of year, the fall and Halloween, when tens of thousands are being massacred. It's no wonder I have been so depressed this fall, knowing the country we live in is siding with the colonizers and is actively funding genocide. Our tax dollars are being used to fund this and many, if not most, American brands and companies are also in favor of it.

Then, in November, I discover that an 80s band I liked is guilty of VERY inappropriate behavior toward women. One I had been listening to for the past few years. Fronted by a guy whose music I had enjoyed since childhood. I shouldn't have been so surprised, but it still broke me anyway. Another betrayal was a YouTuber who turned out to be an imposter with no thoughts or opinions of his own, only stolen from others. Yet another was a confirmation of suspicions I had toward a certain animator having NPD and being abusive, (who, to be honest, I never actually liked, just her art style and cartoons).

Oh, but that's not all! Here's where it gets really personal, but I think I really need to disclose this. On top of everything going on, I had two deaths in the family recently. One was a parent whom I didn't get along with very well, the other was my old pup Oscar. My old doggo has been easier to grieve, because he was a sweet, good boy....and honestly....he deserved a better end to his life than what he got. He was living with my father, keeping him company. My father was the parent I had a bad relationship with, and is the reason I advocate strongly for responsible and careful drinking. Because he failed to do that. He always used alcohol for self-medication, something you should NEVER do. His substance abuse got worse and worse over the years, driving him meaner and more abusive. He was never really kind to me, even if he tried to be. I never had a good relationship with my father, and honestly I know a lot of people can relate to that with one or both of their parents. A lot of us have betrayal trauma from growing up, maybe you have parents who don't love you unconditionally, or parents who never wanted to be parents, emotionally or physically abusive parents, you get the idea. Mine just so happened to be a man born and raised in a time where there was no diagnosis for his neurodivergence. He had tons of internalized ableism that he pushed onto me, and modelled horrible, angry behavior. He also had depression, but never sought help, and I believe that's due to toxic masculinity.

He can't hurt me anymore, though. I moved out of his house almost 5 years ago, and I wish it had been sooner. I'm not sure how to feel about his passing, because of how he treated me when he was alive. One thing I have been feeling though, is stress. He has left behind a house that is a disaster because he neglected to take care of it, tons of debt because he had failed to pay his bills, and no will whatsoever so inheritance is also going to be a mess to untangle. My family and I have been going back to that house to clean it, get it repaired, and figure out what to do with everything left behind. Right in the middle of a holiday season. What fun /sarcasm.

On the topic of Oscar, it's safe to say how he passed/what happened. My father went first, and so Oscar just curled up next to him.....and stayed there until he also died. And honestly....that's just heartbreaking.....I wish Oscar could've howled for help, that someone could have heard him and come to his rescue and taken care of him....but he didn't....I just wish i could have been by Oscar's side in his final moments. I know he was an old dog, he lived to be 15 and a half...but he's with my grandma now and I hope she's taking good care of him, wherever they are.

Meanwhile, Penny has been a new family member since July. She has been by my side to give hugs and cuddles, and I've needed them a lot these past few weeks. Since Oscar stayed behind to keep my father company when I moved out a few years ago, I missed my puppy, and having a little doggo around. And so, enter Penny. She's even registered as an emotional support animal, or ESA, and she goes all kinds of places with me. I love the attention she gets from other people when we go shopping together. Her cuteness lightens up a room and makes the day of many people.

My little fluffy girl has been a big help getting me through everything this season.

Back to Castletown Cafe, it may take a while, but I hope one day to return to it. I have all kinds of ideas and things I want to make and practice, and I also hope to create more content in 2024, even doing more live gaming on Twitch. I got a new computer for streaming, but I still need a monitor for it. I wanna have a streaming schedule and everything.

I really appreciate all of you who are still here even though I haven't been able to make many new things or deliver upon hyped ideas. I feel bad about my lack of content this year, though with recent life events I think it's really understandable as to why I haven't been able to churn out much in that regard.

One more thing: I do want to disclose that my ADHD is unmedicated. I can't get medication for it (not with this hell-thcare system) and I don't know what I should take for executive dysfunction. For those of you who made it this far with ADHD, what do you recommend?

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this, especially if you made it all the way to the end here. I know it was a lot, and some of this is REALLY heavy stuff. These are things that we all do go through, however.

Thank you.

~ Mari 🧡

[thelediz]

Sonic Underground episode 24: Mummy Dearest

I’m watching Sonic Underground in search of inspiration to finish a fic I’ve been writing forever. It’s a sad state of affairs. See the recap of the first three episodes here, if you're interested!

The plot (for want of a better word): One of Sonic’s ancestors was a prophet that predicted the rise and fall of Robotnik! Can the Sonic Underground find the scroll of prophecy and find out how to defeat Robotnik?

Is anyone getting the feeling someone in the writer’s room went to the middle east in this period of the series, or is it just me?

We begin with Sonia showing the boys a toy Cyrus gave her, called an ‘Intelliputer’ and after the whole zombie virus thing Cyrus cooked up last time I am immediately anxious.

It’s a surveillance laptop, basically, with very limited capabilities. Robotnik’s talking about some kind of expedition and finding Aleena, but walks out of frame before they can get actual details. HOWEVER

Also in the control room is an old book with a symbol on it that Sonia recognises as the Royal Hedgehog Crest. So apparently they need the book.

To do this, Sonic brings another new toy from Cyrus: very light SWATbot disguises. They use them to sneak into Robotnik’s headquarters and with toys like this I really have to wonder how the Resistance hasn’t just snuck in and shanked Robotnik in his sleep, I really do.

I know that’s not how kids shows work, don’t @ me.

They get in and would get the book easy does it, except Robotnik himself shows up halfway through the heist and even then, Sonic’s smooth talking (inside a robot disguise) would get them out except that Manic trips and breaks his disguise.

I question Cyrus’s engineering that it broke that easily.

Sonic just BARELY gets them out before the place goes into lockdown. This moment almost has tension to it!

Anyway, the book shows them the scroll of ‘Amun-Rappi’, which is… just… yep. Yep.

Okay, so let’s pause for a second to tell you why this plot point has always made me sigh a lot. Amun-Rappi is an ancestor to the royal family, and a prophet. To the point that he supposedly wrote out a step-by-step guide about how to overthrow Robotnik. They take him very seriously. AND YET no one saw Robotnik coming. No one has followed these steps. And this whole episode will ultimately have no plot relevance. In addition, Amun-Rappi is some weird… like, he looks like a fictionalised pharaoh, but in universe he is treated more like Cassandra of Greek myth. Which is, you know, whatever. The whole Mobius thing is a weird mish-mash of Roman globalisation nonsense so we deal. It’s just… I give SO MANY SIDE-EYES to the royal family for letting Robotnik into the kingdom with this in their history. This episode has stuck with me to the point that it’s kind of how I built up the entire Hedgehog royal family lineage from this one guy as a priest to the not!Egyptian King, whose descendents immigrated to the central kingdom before the Mobian wars that were mentioned in a past episode, but that IS SO MUCH HEADCANON NONSENSE and if I don’t do it, it just makes things messy.

THIS SERIES IS A MESS.

Anyway.

…Sonic is using Manic’s voice this time. Cool. Jaleel, I really think we need to re-record – no, no, you’re right, timing, move on.

The van (including the Sonic Underground) gets eaten by a Dune Worm. Robotnik and Sleet celebrate, while Dingo mourns Sonia. The audience is less concerned, because anyone who saw Pinocchio knows how this goes.

Sonia, who is the one carrying the braincell this episode, decides the best way out of this situation is to force the sandworm’s mouth open a bit (what) to let sand in (WHAT) until it surfaces (…kay) and spits the sand and them out (…uh huh). I mean, there’s logic to it. Not sure it’s my kind of logic, but we roll.

It lets them out in front of the pyramid and… as someone who replayed Assassin’s Creed Odyssey last year, I gotta say… this black, vaguely metallic pyramid… Issu artefact much?

Anyway. They get in through the secret entrance marked by the Royal H (the Hedgehog Crest. Yes, they call it the Royal H), only to immediately get frozen by magic by a… vaguely Jafar looking guy, who is there to protect Amun-Rappi's tomb.

But he recognises the royal hedgehog medallions, so apparently the necklaces have been things in the royal (which Amun-Rappi is not otherwise implied to be, yet) family for centuries.

Sleet and Dingo have been muddling through the other entrances, but catch up just as the guardian is showing the triplets to the main chamber. Remarkably, Sleet actually catches them with some sticky… stuff. But it’s for nothing, because Sonic ultimately breaks free with a superspin and takes the sticky gun thingy off them. The only thing this actually does is let the triplets know a SWATbot patrol is coming after them, so they have to take a shortcut to the burial chamber through two ‘chambers of death’. As you do.

So called, I guess, because there’s no way to disarm the traps without someone risking certain death first, I guess. But that’s what Sonic’s whole deal is, so he overcomes fire and water with only a few jokes and singeing and all is well.

Amun-Rappi was buried in splendour and with guardian souls but with very few treasures, gotta say. But said guardian souls take one look at Sonic, who is the spitting image of his ancestor, and back off. I dunno, I guess they needed to fill twenty additional seconds of the episode or something.

Amun-Rappi appears as a ghost, and demands a song in payment for the scroll, because of course he does.

THE SONG: We are Sonic Underground. Some… weird 90s rap thing that is directly referencing the plot for once and we just… yep. It is what it is.

Amun-Rappi curses Robotnik’s forces with his ‘Curse of Immobility’ while the triplets get away with his scroll of prophecy. But it’s all for nothing, because as soon as they remove it from the glass casing, it falls apart, as parchment is wont to do.

So that was an episode. I make way too much of it for world building purposes. I really shouldn’t, but egh.

Come back tomorrow if you’re interested?

[fonulyn]

wait hi so is leon an alcholic or not cos i cant write the guy struggling if i dont know what hes got issues with

no, he is not.

the answer very much depends on who you ask bc half the fandom has decided that yes he is just because he dares to have a drink. i swear to god the attitude people have about alcohol...

personally, I am always going to say no, he is not. does he use alcohol as a bad coping mechanism sometimes? sure. but that doesn't mean he's an alcoholic. i've personally dealt with a shit day sometimes with a bottle of vodka but it doesn't make me an alcoholic and it doesn't mean i can't (and regularly do) go months without a single drop of it.

canonically we see or hear of him drinking:

in the og re2 he was hungover and missed his first day. his girlfriend broke up with him and he dealt with it by drinking too much. he was also 21, and probably went through a big heartbreak, so even if it wasn't the most solid decision who could blame him.

he takes a sip from JD's flask in Damnation. after the licker attack. that, in my opinion, is more his way of sort of toasting JD, and it's not like he's trying to get drunk. even if he was, a flask that size? good luck trying lmao.

at the end of Damnation he's pouring himself a drink. he just survived a massive ordeal, so honestly, so would I. I'm only including numbers 2 and 3 to be thorough bc I don't even think he was even close to being drunk in either instance.

he is drinking in Vendetta when they come get him at the bar. he's alone, he's on vacation, and he's dealing with yet another traumatic incident (story of his life lmao). he's holed himself away to deal with his shit in private, and if it does involve alcohol in inadvisable amounts? he's an adult he can do it if he so pleases. would there be better ways to deal with things? sure. does it make him an alcoholic? hell no.

just. using alcohol occasionally as a bad coping mechanism does not make someone an alcoholic. there is absolutely no indication in canon that he can not function without alcohol, or that his life revolves around it in a manner that would be concerning. he's an adult who sometimes drinks. end of story.

that all being said? if you want to write a fic where he struggles with alcoholism? go for it! fiction exists so we can put them in situations that are not 100% canonical. i've done it myself too, i have a couple of fics where i wrote him a (recovering) alcoholic because it fit the story i wanted to tell and the themes i wanted to explore. it's not wrong at all, and you can use what's in canon to extrapolate that and it can still be very plausible! you don't need to limit yourself because of that :)

what gets on my nerves is the fandom tendency to act as if it's god's word that he's absolutely an alcoholic no matter what bc how dare a person have a drop of alcohol. it's different to explore it in fic (or in art) than to claim that it's an inherent part of canon when it's not.

[teabookgremlin]

hey pals lets talk 02x08. i am typing this out for the third fucking time bc i keep accidentally clicking out of the post editor and then all that i’ve written gets deleted so i’m at my limit i fucking cannot. ANYWAY i’d also like to add that i know people have a lot of criticisms/concerns about the quality of this season (all of which are valid) but i am still going into it as like hell yeah this slaps bc i think media is good if i enjoy it. like i have barely any sense of objectively good vs bad media and since i am still enjoying and am very invested in yellowjackets it’s still really good to me. obviously my issues with the season are coming up in some of my recaps and i’ll go into more overall once i do a season recap next week but for now i did just wanna let y’all know that bc i get it that’s not the most common take in this fandom. anyway spoilers under cut as per usual, lets go

- akilah’s mouse actually being dead broke me a little my poor baby has just been playing with a dead mouse for weeks :( anyway i do love the dead/not dead hallucinations and hope we get more (cough cough more ghost jackie make ella a series regular again cough cough)

- the scene with tai seeing other tai all around her was good. i also do think that other tai is coming back out more in the teen timeline as lottie being out of it means no more prayer/dbt time so it’s likely other tai could creep back in and i’m definitely curious as to how much of teen tai’s actions this episode were dictated by other tai

- FUCKING CREEP COP AND HIS SMUG FUCKING FACE ABOUT THE SEARCH WARRANT i hate him so much please just kill him someone do it. like i get an investigation into adam’s death needs to happen but like i am so sick of the police plot line and the amount of screen time it’s getting. and him being a dick to callie and fucking using shauna’s past as more of a reason to accuse her was gross. fuck creep cop all my homies hate creep cop

- “we all need things we can’t have” and then the look van gives tai ugh i wish these bitches could just work it out bc they do need each other!

- very glad travis finally apologized to nat and then him telling her that she’s a good person was very sweet bc SHE IS she’s the best of them truly

- van being snarky about all the murder <3

- i continue to not trust walter this man is weird i think the wilderness should choose him as it’s sacrifice

- honestly kinda disappointed that the jeff death scene was just a nightmare. also the fact that he’s getting scared of shauna makes me worried bc his ass better not turn on her i swear to god.

- jeff telling callie about wilderness baby was honestly heartbreaking but it was also not his place to tell her that. i want shauna and callie to talk about it i think it would be a good moment for them

- “we need to find a way to stay alive and it can’t be her” i want to know if this was tai or other tai

- i do really like the drawing the queen card being the way to choose a kill. i agree with some people saying we didn’t get enough build up to this point and i do agree that the next instance of cannibalism should’ve been oh another person happened to die guess we’ll eat them. like the ritualistic hunt probably shouldn’t have started this season but i still like the ritual. i will say though the nausea and anxiety i felt during that scene was so intense they certainly got the feelings out of me that they were going for 

- i do just wanna take a moment and appreciate the moments of relief during the card draw. tai’s face when van was safe, travis and javi hugging, i enjoyed those moments a lot

- i was kinda surprised that nat drew the queen, like you’d think the hunters would be given safety for at least the first few draws but i guess not

- then the necklace as the symbol for the kill, nat making shauna look her in the eyes very nice

- “we’ve been denying it that’s why we’re all so fucked up”  then the suggested sacrifice, i don’t think it’ll actually happen tho. i do think it’s possible that at least one of the survivors will die over the course of the series but i do not think it’ll be this early

- “van who used to be so full of life but now something is broken within her” SOB

- so intrigued by javi’s tree, also those were definitely human bones in there right? could it be crystal? someone who was there before? idk but i assume it comes back to the antler queen entity

- the javi death scene was fucking heartbreaking. nat first trying to save him then being pulled off. them all just watching him drown. yeah that was a lot i was like frozen for a good few minutes after i finished like damn