#but i am mature enough by now to know that sometimes my dads can be wrong :P

[novelmonger]

I love Cinema Therapy. I love how they break down the psychological aspects of various movies, good and bad, and how they bring their expertise as a licensed therapist and professional filmmaker to discuss some of the best movies out there. I'm always excited to see what they have to say, and I was especially thrilled to see their latest video, ranking some of the best bromances in the MCU. I discovered them through their videos where they cried over the LotR bromances, so it sort of feels like coming full-circle ^_^

And of course I was pleased that Jono put Steve and Bucky's friendship at the top, because that's where they belong <3

The only thing that bugged me about what they had to say in this video was the implication that Steve and Bucky's friendship isn't entirely healthy. Obviously they can't get into all the little nuances of this relationship that spans several movies in their little five-minute spiel about it, and of course they're entitled to their own opinions, but their opinion is wrong I think they're misunderstanding a thing or two. And I wanna talk about it.

(If you don't want to read my rambling, just watch the video and support their channel, 'cause it's great!)

I agree whole-heartedly with everything they had to say, except for a couple things in this bit here (25:52-26:30).

Jono: "Tony is not willing to see Bucky. Once he learns it's the Winter Soldier, it's just the Winter Soldier. And Steve is the opposite, where he barely is acknowledging that the Winter Soldier is in there. He's like, 'This is Bucky. We're gonna get him out.' And Steve endangers people, including himself and his other friends, and also lets his friendships--with Tony, his friendship with Tony sours, because of his loyalty to Bucky. And he's been criticized for that, there are different ways he could have done that, that wouldn't have had the outcome that they had, and that's true. So maybe I shouldn't have put this at number 1, but for sheer love and loyalty..."

Alan: "This is hard to beat."

It's been almost seven years, and people are still watching Civil War and thinking the only reason Steve and Tony are fighting is because of Bucky. That the reason Steve's relationship with Tony soured is because he's blindly loyal to Bucky, that Steve should have done something differently.

Now, if you're just talking about the final fight in Siberia, I guess this holds a little more water. Tony doesn't see Bucky, a brainwashed victim; he sees the Winter Soldier, the murderer of his parents, and he's fighting to get revenge. Steve sees Bucky, his best friend, and is fighting to keep Tony from killing him.

But the implication in the video, particularly because of the clips used (which, granted, could be entirely chosen by the editor and not what the guys were thinking of when they were talking about it), is that the conflict of the entire movie hinges upon Steve and Tony's different views of Bucky. They seem to be saying that the only reason Steve and Tony are at odds is because Bucky is on the run from the law, and Tony wants to take him in while Steve refuses because his loyalty is to Bucky first.

That's a really common takeaway from the movie, but it's...so incomplete. Steve and Tony were already on opposing sides long before Bucky came on the scene. The conflict between them in this movie begins with the different positions they take concerning the Sokovia Accords. Even if Zemo hadn't done a single thing, they would eventually have found themselves on opposing sides of a fight, because Tony signed the Accords and Steve didn't. As soon as an Avengers-level threat cropped up, Steve wouldn't be able to just sit there twiddling his thumbs, especially if there was a delay while the committee decided what to do. Steve would be in the thick of things, trying to save people, and sooner or later he would run afoul of the Accords (because they're stupid and violate a whole slew of human rights, but that's a rant for another time), and then Tony would be forced to fight him, because he signed them.

(Aside: People seem to take Tony's line "Your judgment is askew" as indisputable fact. I wish they would do the same for Steve's line in the same scene: "You [tore the Avengers apart] when you signed.")

The bottom line is, though Steve and Tony's relationship was certainly damaged by how things went down in Siberia, which is centered around Bucky, they were always on very rocky footing and they were already at the point of shouting at each other over their disagreements about the Sokovia Accords. Their relationship does not sour just because of Steve's loyalty to Bucky. That would have happened with or without him in the mix.

And...can I just say? I've heard a lot of people criticize Steve for the way he handled things in CW, like he's the one bearing all or most of the blame for the Avengers falling apart. But what else was he supposed to do? Blindly sign the Accords even though it would have meant violating the rights of every enhanced individual on the planet? Just sit on his hands and watch while Bucky is shot on sight for a crime he never committed? Let Team Iron Man take him in and stop him from going after Zemo (who, to his knowledge at the time, was planning to wake up the other Winter Soldiers that no one else knew existed)? Steve could not in good conscience do any of those things.

The Cinema Therapy guys, and a lot of other people I've heard over the years, seem to think that Steve fighting friends and people who might otherwise be allies in order to save Bucky from being outright killed for crimes he was not guilty of...is a sign of an unhealthy friendship. That going after Bucky and insisting that his friend is still in there, that Bucky and the Winter Soldier are not one and the same, that he is going to try to get him back even if it means putting his own life on the line, when he has reason to believe it's possible and is proven right...is Steve being blind to reality.

Is it unhealthy to love someone so much you would die to save them? Is it unhealthy to believe that they can be saved even when everyone tells you it's impossible? Is it unhealthy to devote entire years of your life to finding your friend and making sure they're all right? Is it unhealthy to pick the friend who has been there for you your whole life, over the career/legacy/duty you've built up over the past several years (or over the "friend" who just tried to kill him)? Is it unhealthy to defy the whole world to defend your brother who has been cruelly victimized, and know that he would do the same for you if your positions were reversed?

If Steve and Bucky's friendship is unhealthy, I wish all of my friendships could be as unhealthy as theirs.

[portokali]

there is. definitely a lot to be said about the merits of having the ability to turn off Shipper Brain Mode and enjoy a story without ever demanding a ship be canon or even shipping any of the characters. however there is something about a hint or a promise of romance in works that aren’t explicitly romantic that makes them somehow more tantalizing and interesting. anyway this post is about james and erin derrygirls where i had 0 expectations of their feelings ever being confirmed and simply entertained the idea of them as a what-if-james-likes-erin-lol on a completely different tab that was left open in my brain but when it Was confirmed in s3 and the way it was left unfulfilled but all the same promised absolutely has done numbers to my brain chemistry like the small and tender crushes of two kids living ordinary lives under extraordinary circumstances. something about that yeah.

[peachesofteal]

What happens when this guy is mean to darling? Shutting her down? It could be something small.

Darling is getting excited bc she’s talking about some work trip she won and she gets to take her family, and she’s so excited to take the baby away and get some fresh air on a beach somewhere (Simon over hears and packs that away for later. Johnny doesn’t because he’s too busy eyeing this man down) just for dude to interrupt darling, “you can’t travel with an infant. You have to stay home, you’re a parent now. That’s your life” or some shit. Maybe even an “ah you’re a little loud right now, let’s take the volume down.”

Or maybe.. maybe it’s a jealous remark. “Taking your baby daddies too? Or wait..which one is the dad?” Dudes been noticing the tension and maybe he doesn’t handle it well.

either way.

You sink back into yourself a little.

It’s Johnny who cracks. Simon can’t get his hands on him fast enough before Johnny is shoving at this guy.

“Mind repeating that? You’re not gonna talk to her like that.”

Fight ensues. You send dude home because this is a family matter now.

And honestly? Simon has always been a pillar of strength and control. But Johnnys ability to act on emotion and instinct is what makes him such a good man. The man you fell in love with. He’s been struggling and hurt and missing you and how can you stay mad at him? Simon is a planner and has the patience but Johnny is more hot headed.

“When are you going to realize, we’re not going anywhere, darling, I am not going anywhere. You deserve to be treated like gold. And that guy? He ain’t it. He ain’t it because he ain’t me. Ain’t us.”

So darling and Johnny have it out. This confrontation has been needed for a while. Simon just watches, waiting to see if he has to step in. But oh Johnny.

He’d rip out his heart and lay it at your feet if you asked him. He hates this feeling. Hates not being with you and Simon together the way it should be.

His break down is what gets darling to crack a little bit. How can one deny the honesty in such a brazen display of emotion?

So a chance is offered. This little work vacation. Maybe… they can try and see how they’d function as a family. Together. Morning routines and night routines with baby. How they navigate it. If it doesn’t work? Then nope. But if it does?

Maybe their paradise could last forever then huh?

(My southern accent is coming out while writing this, xcuse me)

God yes. I love this. I could indulge in this scenario all day long.

Takes place after one of my favorite asks in the au'verse, here. (bartender anon come back to me)

18+ / disco baby au / mature themes

"Wait, you're taking Bee with you to this conference?" Your boyfriend blinks incredulously, like you hadn't already told him the same information, three times already. Twice last week. Once this week.

"Yes, I told you... the other day, remember?"

"No." He scoffs. "How are you going to manage a baby at a work conference?"

"It's a floor expo, so it's not like I'll be in lectures or anything. Bee will just come along in her carrier, and I'll get to show her the beach for the first time. I know it's going to be a lot but I've been preparing, getting her more used to the carrier and stuff. We’re really excited!" You were over the moon about it. You hadn't been to a beach in so long, and to be able to take your daughter for the first time had you brimming with excitement. You couldn't wait to put her feet in the ocean, let her feel sand. Provide her with all new experiences, watch her learn them and grow.

"And your boss is just okay with you taking your baby, on a work trip?" His voice pitches louder, and you inwardly wince when the conversation that's carrying on in the room slams to a stop.

"Well, yeah."

"You asked her?"

"Kind of, I mentioned that I was going to bring Bee along, and-"

He cuts you off with your name, sharp, and too loud, before sighing.

"You can be so stupid sometimes. You just... never think things through. All emotion and no logic. You really think you can handle that? A baby at a convention? You cry over getting stuck at red lights." The words sting, but they don't surprise you, and you’re about to snap back at him when there's a noise over your shoulder, the sound of your baby, followed by the grind of a deep Manchester accent.

"What's going on in here?" Fuck.

Simon's holding Bee, big hand supporting her back but she's sitting up, face tucked against his chest, thumb in her mouth. She's watching you, tired, waiting for the hand-off from dad to mum, and as it happens, Simon speaks again.

"Darling, take Bee onto the porch." He instructs, and no matter what you do, you can never fight your body and brain's instant willingness to do as he asks.

"Simon, I-"

"Please." He nods, big hand warm on his daughter's back, before it slides down to linger across your forearm. The touch is fleeting, barely there, but it feels like so much more.

You want to say no, want to tell him he doesn't need to get involved, that you're okay, when-

Johnny steps around the blockade that is Simon's body, and launches himself at your boyfriend.

Your shock stopgaps your throat, and then you screech.

"Johnny, stop!" Bee immediately starts crying, a high pitched scream that breaks down into tears. Adrenaline flushes your body, and you stare at him wordlessly. Johnny, who's been cold and distant. Johnny, who's been weird around you. Johnny, who struggles to even make eye contact with you sometimes now, is jumping your boyfriend. In your own house.

"Ye just call her stupid?" His fingers tighten around the shirt collar that’s clutched in his grasp, and your boyfriend sputters.

"Get off me, you fuckin' psycho!"

"I'll show ye psycho, ye piece of shite."

"Take Bee outside, right now." Simon commands, and you spin on your heel, slipping out the sliding door and onto the porch, bouncing your baby as you rock her, soothing her back to her sleepy self.

You ease Bee's bedroom door closed as quietly as you can, clinching it shut without stirring her, your only success in an evening that's gone horribly, awfully wrong.

Your phone buzzes in your back pocket, and you have no doubt it's your boyfriend again, seething with rage at being thrown out of your house after you insisted he leave so you could... address certain things.

Why did he say that? What caused that? What made him so upset with you? And what the fuck happened with Johnny?

Simon is sitting on your living room couch, thighs splayed wide, wider than necessary, if you're being honest, while Johnny paces with his arms crossed.

He's also seething mad, boiling with rage, with emotion, and you're not looking forward to any of the conversations you're going to have to now.

Life could have been a lot easier if you had fallen for only one guy, instead of two.

"Look-"

"No."

"Johnny, take a breath." Simon murmurs, and he does, letting it out in a long sigh before turning to face you fully.

"I am sorry, for the way I acted earlier. Ye didn't deserve that, Bee shouldn't have seen it."

"Well, she's a baby so let's hope she doesn't remember." you deadpan, and he frowns before continuing.

"But, I am not sorry for clocking that fuckin' bawbag, and I'd do it again for ye, do it as many times as I had to until ye realize the truth of things."

"Johnny-"

"I know I've been distant. I've been struggling, standoffish. I've been upset, I felt hurt that ye had our baby and never even called us, darling. Never even tried." Rage simmers in your blood.

"You fucking left me!" You snap, and he holds his hands up.

"We did. And I realize now, that my anger was misplaced. That I-"

"You gave me the cold shoulder, Johnny. You wouldn't even hold Bee at first."

"I know, I know. I was lost. And I should've realized earlier, how bloody stupid I was. How much of a fool I was bein'. I love ye, darling. I'm so, so sorry." He stares at you, eyes wide, and you look between him and Simon helplessly.

Simon just shrugs.

"You already know how I feel, 've told you a million times. You're it for me, for us. You and our baby. You're the only family we'll ever need, ever want. You know why we left, why we made the decisions we did. We can't go back and change it, but we can try to move forward."

"And-" Johnny jumps in, but his voice cracks, and you realize he's crying, hands mashed together as they shake. "I know ye don't want to let us in too much, because it's frightening. That we hurt you, that it doesn't matter why we did what we left. But we love you, darling. I love ye, so much. Just give us a chance, please."

"Let us come with you, on the trip." You laugh at Simon, immediately, but he looks at you with full seriousness. "You said it yourself, it will be a lot. Let us come, help with Bee. Spend some time together, see if it could work."

Could you? Would you?

No. They left you, remember? They dumped you. Why-

Your heart flutters and you can't help it, the wash of longing that swamps you. Johnny stares at you so earnestly, his emotions so raw, and it nags at you, reminds you of everything you had. Everything you lost.

What if you did try?

[disappointmentofthefam]

Love? Love. (part 3)

Andy barber x reader

author's note:im so tired only death can fix me

.....................

Andy woke up early the next morning.

6:00 a.m.

She smells so good

6:04 a.m.

God the way she looks away when she's all shy and cute

6:10 a.m.

you wore those shorts on purpose yesterday, didnt you?

6:45 a.m.

His hand is stroking his morning wood over the sheet.

it's wrong its wrong it's so so wrong

but it's her.

her. her on her knees.

"look at daddy, sweetheart,look at me while i ruin you," she looks up at me, mascara running down her bambi eyes as she drools around my cock.

"feel good,baby? you like being daddy's little cumslut? like it when he uses your mouth? I bet your little pussy is dripping just by sucking on daddy's big cock"

she. fucking. moans. around. it. FUCK!

Andy's hands speed up, vigorously rubbing his fat, hard cock, beads of precum spilling from the pink head of his cock.

i pull myself from her mouth, "youre such a filthy little girl," I take ahold of my cock and slap the sticky head on her cheeks "no,no baby, tch tch,"

"open your eyes, look at daddy"

FUCK! the image of you looking up at him with those teary eyes while he slaps your cockdrunk face with his meaty head is too much for him. With a few more strokes,he cums all over his hands, stomach and sheets, a blissed out smile on his face as he turns to the bedside clock- 7:25 a.m.

less than 12 hours till he gets to fuck see you.

AND LESS THAN AN HOUR TO HIS COURT HEARING!

He rushes to get ready and leaves the house, thankfully reaching just in time.

........................

y/n wakes up and immediately wishes she hadn't.

as if it wasn't bad enough to try to kiss the man who lived literally opposite to you, but she also had to go to his house 5 days a week.

"you're a big girl, y/n" her friend's voice comes through the phone, "so what? you misread the situation and tried to kiss him, no big deal."

"NO BIG DEAL?" y/n screeches into her pillow, "the first time I come onto a man and HE LIVES LITERALLY NEXT DOOR WHAT WAS I THINKING"

The rest of her day, she is plagued by the thoughts of Andy.

9 a.m. Physics class

wait, what if he was trying to kiss me back

11 a.m. Math class

No,he wouldn't.

1 p.m. Lunch

but would he?

........................................

6 p.m.

All day Andy has been in an unfamiliarly pleasant mood, he even brought flowers as he left his office unusually early.

lillies? no, I think she's more of a tulips girl. But what about sunflowers. And now that I'm already at trader joe's how about condo-

CALM DOWN! fuck fuck fuck! you'll only creep her out.

7:30 p.m.

Andy is fuming.

his gritting teeth, his fingers tapping impatiently on the steering, the low murmurs from his lips, all can be heard despite the clatter of the traffic.

Y/n ,on one hand is relieved

well, one less awkward rejection

on the other hand, her mind is working over time.

what if he is intentionally ignoring me?

what if he thinks I'm a loser-college-freak who kisses and becomes obsessed with any guy who is nice to her.

what if, her breath hitches, what if he has a girlfriend

Jacob notices the sudden stiffness in Y/n's body, "Are you okay y/n?", He asks with his eyebrows pinched with concern.

"Oh! yes, yes I'm alright, all fine".Y/n smiles.

After a few more minutes of studying, Jake suddenly speaks up, "You know, dad was really happy when you came over yesterday,"

y/n's heartbeat quickens,"What do you mean, jake?"

"Well, I don't know,but I've never seen him smile like that."

"Like what?"

"Like...." he pauses for a moment, "Like you know how sometimes as a little kid, you get lost in the grocery store. You can't find your mom and you get scared. But then you see her and she was over there the whole time, picking out your favorite chocolates, and you run upto her,your smile is the biggest ever"

y/n giggles at Jacob's absurd metaphor but then again, he was quite mature for his age.

"so am I the cashier of the grocery store in your little metaphoric world?"

"no ,y/n, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you were the smile on my dad's face"

"Jacob....."

The sound of Andy's car pulling into the driveway catches their attention.

Andy enters the house, 3 bouquets in his hand.

"Dad," Jacob smiles knowingly "who are those for?"

Andy's eyes try to find y/n's but she is looking at the floor, her breath obviously a little heavy, her cheeks flushed.

Andy ushers Jacob out of the room,"Come on, young man,take a break from all that studying."

y/n still isn't looking at him.

Andy settles down on his haunches before y/n and holds her chin between his thumb and he forces her to look him in the eyes.

"hi, angel"

"hey, Andy" The way she slightly shifts in her place on the sofa doesn't go unnoticed by Andy.

He picks up the flowers, "didn't know which ones you liked,so i tried my best three guesses."

The contrast of his dominant presence and the tenderness of his actions makes y/n melt into a puddle as she sheepishly plays with the collar of Andy's crisp white shirt.

"The sunflowers, Andy. I love them."

Andy picks the yellow bouquet and places it on her lap.

"I was correct,sweets," he rasps out, their lips mere inches away.

"well,technically, you were only 33% correct", she laughs.

"Well, I have got to shut your smart little mouth up"

With that Andy pulls her into a fierce kiss.

He rises onto his feet, pulling her with him.

The kiss is a perfect mix of y/n and Andy, teeth and tongue and smiles and small licks.

Their bodies were as close as they could be and it still wasn't close enough.

y/n pulls away first, out of breath and dizzy from being drunk on Andy's lips, only for Andy to chase her lips again.

"If it wasn't for the flowers, I would think you were trying to kill me, hogging practically all of my oxygen", she pants but smiles nevertheless.

"well if it wasn't for tutoring, I would think you came here just for me. did you sweetheart? did you wear this cute little dress just for me? "Andy tuts her again as she tries to hide her face into his chest, "look at me while I'm talking to you, baby."

y/n looks up at him and fuck is it a sight to behold.

Pupils blows out, her lips pouty and her lipstick slightly smudged, her flustered gaze as a small smirk forms on her lips, "are you accusing me of trying to seduce you Mr. Barber?"

"yes"

"well, maybe you're right, I wore this dress just fir you," she pauses as she feels his hands pawing at her tits.

"go on," Andy says with a smug smile.

nuh uh Mr. Barber, I will not go down with out a fight,

"In fact, i did everything for you today. I put on makeup, wore my pretty heels, painted my nails, didn't wear any panties....."

The look on Andy's face is pained and he looks almost on the brink of losing control, "really?

y/n gingerly pulls one of his hands from her chest and slowly traces it up her thigh, "see Andy? why don't you check it yourself."

Andy slowly inches his hands towards her pussy when the sudden sound of the doorbell makes them jump from their places.

Andy pecks and bites y/n's lips, "Give me a sec."

"No,you cant answer the door like that"

"like what?"

y/n shyly eyes the bulge in his pants,"like that."

"shit! sweetheart, could you do it?"

y/n opens the door to a woman.

she looks around her early thirties, aroundAndy's age, she's thin and her brown hair are tied into a ponytail.

The woman gives y/n a pointed look.

"Hi, I'm Laurie, Andy's wife."

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Older Eddie Chronicles.

older eddie who cant handle when reader says she wants his kids his mind is blown

older eddie getting protective of reader around her ex.

BTW I posted this yesterday but accidentally deleted it today when I was replying back to a reblog and fixing some grammar mistakes. Yes I am a dumbass 😳

Requests are anon and I'm combining the two for this fic. Reader is In her late 20's while Eddie is 39.

Warnings: Hints of smut so minors dni, 18+, fluff, Eddie is smitten, hints of a breeding kink, protective Eddie.

Don't copy, reuse, repost or translate my work.

❤️

For months you and Eddie had been seeing each other. It was the best relationship you've ever had.

He's older than you, mature and sexy as hell, you couldn't get enough of him.

Eddie seduced you one night when you met a bar and you had been together ever since.

You were nursing a drink to yourself while trying to avoid a particularly persistent guy when Eddie joined you.

With his leather jacket, the tattoos, shaggy brown hair pulled into a man bun and those big brown eyes, you were instantly attracted to him.

The two of you had fell for each other hard.

Eddie was suprised how madly in love he fell for you, usually he wasn't like this but something clicked in his mind the moment he met you.

It was like you were the one who he had been waiting for all his life. Cheesy as fuck he knew that but it was true. His cynical views had been turned upside down by you.

You were rested in Eddie's arms content to just cuddle with your man while you watched a movie.

There was the sweetest kid in the movie and you couldn't help but let out a tiny aww at how adorable she was.

Eddie chuckles and presses a kiss to your hair and you peer up at him curiously.

"Do you ever think about having a few little Eddie Munson's running around?" you ask him and he shrugs.

"Sometimes" You bite your lip shyly knowing you've fantasised about having kids with Eddie a fair few times.

"What if I told you I wanted your kids?" Eddie gawks at you. He is silent for a full minute, speechless.Then he answers you and there's a vulnerability to his voice.

"You mean that princess? My old man wasn't the best father. I know I'd do better than he ever did for me but it fucking scares me at the same time"

"You'd be an amazing daddy, so creative and protective. The sweetest, best dad in the world. You're an amazing man Eddie Munson. I love you so much and I know you would rock being a dad"

His expression softens and he kisses you slowly, savouring the moment.

"I love you so much sweetheart, thank you for always believing in me" There's a few moments of happy silence as you just cuddle with him until a thought makes you giggle.

"You'd totally be a girl dad. Can just see you with two little girls who have you wrapped around their little finger" Eddie smirks at this and hums.

"Mmm just like their mama then" he grins and it makes you feel all warm and happy inside.

"So in the future? You would want that?" you ask him excited and he nods as his fingers interlace with his.

"Fuck, I'd love to see you pregnant with our child. If you don't stop talking about it princess then I may have to fuck you right now, make sure I fill you up to the brim with my cum. I'm so fucking tempted"

Flustered you can't help but like that idea very much.

"Eddie Munson do you have a breeding kink?" you tease.

"Not until I met you" He replies honestly and you hide your beaming face in his shoulder feeling giddy.

❤️

Eddie had taken you out to your favourite restaurant as a suprise. He was in a very touchy feely, romantic mood and could barely keep his hands off you.

"Wait until I get you home. Gonna fuck you so hard that you won't be able to sit for weeks" he whispers into your ear and you shiver with anticipation.

"I'm gonna go freshen up. Think you can last without me for a few minutes Ed's?" you joke and he responds by kissing you until you're breathless and squirming with need.

You're in a rush to get back so you don't notice your ex at the bar until he's in front of you with a smirk on his face.

"Well look who it is" seeing him again makes you clam up instantly. Brad was a rude, egocentric and emotionally abusive asshole, you were together for only a few months but that was enough as far as you were concerned.

The effect he had on your mental health was awful and you were still dealing with the aftermath even now.

"Do you mind. I have to get back to my boyfriend?" you plan to ignore him and attempt to walk straight past him but he grabs your arm a little too tight.

"What's the rush? Tell me about this boyfriend. Does he even exist?" Brad's smug face falters completely as Eddie walks over.

Eddie can look intimidating to people but you know he's a big softie. Well... at least with you he was.

"Who the fuck are you and why are you touching my girl like that?" his eyes are flashing with fury, voice full of venom.

Brad slinks back turning player by the minute as he takes in Eddie. He looks like he might wet himself.

"Well?" Eddie barks and Brad backs away even further and you hide your smile as you cuddle into Eddie.

"That's Brad" You tell him and his jaw tenses as he eyes Brad up and down with a look of utter loathing.

"You're the asshole my girl told me about? Boy have I fantasised about running into you dude" Eddie's voice turns low and menacing and Brad gulps.

"You know what I was just leaving" he stammers out and Eddie smirks.

"You do that and if I see you near her again, you upset her in any way then me and you will have a problem? You got that douchebag?" Brad nods and rushes away before Eddie can say anything else.

"That was kinda hot. I like when you're protective" You grin and he kisses your forehead.

"No one hurts my princess, come on let's get out of here. I'm craving dessert" your body tingles at the possibilities he has in store for you tonight.

♥️

[babygirlbites]

Wolves and their star signs

Hello my little cherubs - how are we doing ? I hope we are doing well

Are we pretending I haven’t been gone for years? Absolutely!

Anyway, let’s talk star signs real quick. None of this is based on canon birthdays, I’m simply beyond Stephanie and her knowledge of her own characters.

These are MY opinions, which are fact as I am factually never wrong. However you are welcome to discuss

Jacob is a Leo; bold, stubborn, natural born leader. this man has main characteritis for sure. I’ve never met a Leo man who didn’t think he was always correct and was so headstrong about it, even when being actively proven wrong. I feel like Jake could wake up one morning and decide the sky is red and anyone who disagreed or god forbid brought factual evidence to him that disproved this would be ignored AND judged. However, Leo’s are loyal (to a fault, often) so although he’s headstrong he’s a ride or die for sure. If he likes you he is going to defend you against anything (excluding himself though because remember, he’s always right) and if he LOVES YOU pfft, I wouldn’t be messing with a Leo’s lover that’s for sure.

Sam is a Pisces; emotional, calm, strong willed. ugh, where do i start. Pisces are so emotional, which may seem like a good thing but I promise you those Pisces men can and will use this to manipulate, gaslight and gatekeep. He’s artistic though, and generally a reliable gent, but sometimes he can be a real nasty little man. He’s sly about his anger, he isn’t a shouting/agressive man at all, he would never DREAM of hurting you (the Emily situation will not repeat) but he can make you feel like shit emotionally. Pisces are just too clever idk I don’t mean to slander you all but as an aqua woman yous are real difficult

Embry is an Aquarius; Creative, smart, thinks outside the box, independent . He’s sensitive, but only when he’s close enough to you to allow you too see that. Aqua knows aqua, I know this boy would be super hard to get into the inner circle of. Sure, he’s openly friendly to everyone, but only the small few that HE allows close will see the real him. Once you do though, he’s an open book, belly laughing at your shitty dad jokes and ugly crying at pet rehoming tiktoks on his fyp.

Paul is a Gemini; loud, fun, and maybe a bit toxic. now I did debate aries for Paul but I just think he’s an air sign through and through. Sure, he’s firey as hell, but he’s so charming and no Aries has that level of rizz (sorry guys but the truth hurts sometimes). He’s a player through and through, he’s got a contacts list full of girls under code names like “girl from Seattle” or “drives a Honda” - which the feminist in me has an issue with but I can’t lie I love a Gemini. They are feral, and as long as you can prepare for that, then they will be the most fun you ever have. Just don’t get attached, or do, I can’t tell you what to do!

Jared is a libra; fun, lighthearted and emotionally wrecked. I love libras but damn do you guys wear your hearts on your sleeves! You’re so easily hurt, and you’ve BEEN hurt, and guess what? You’ll get hurt again. I feel like Jared’s the kind of guy to get played by the same girl/guy multiple times but still tell everyone they are his “twin flame”. Please treat this boy right - I don’t know if he can take the heartbreak (he can, and it will NOT put him off)

Quil is a cancer; he’s soft, he’s loving and he’s emotionally enlightened! We love a cancer in this house, emotional like a Pisces but open like a libra, a cancer is the right mix of mature and fun. They are sweet and sensitive and if any star sign is going to be an empath, it’s cancer. I feel like quil is the guy you go too when you’ve just found out something awful - all the guys would be there for you but where Paul or Jake or Sam even would blow a gasket and leave you alone while then went out on a rampage to hurt whomever was unlucky enough to hurt the one they love, Quil would take you in, cook for you and listen to whatever you had to say. Of course, he’s angry someone has upset you, but he’s more bothered that you are okay then that they aren’t. He’s a good guy, that’s all.

Leah is a Taurus; strong willed, well routed and stubborn. She’s practical, she’s gonna tell you straight up what she thinks with no filter, and sometimes that can hurt. She’s not the biggest personality in the room or the loudest voice at the party but she’s straight to the point and not afraid to be heard when she sees fit. She’s fun too, when she wants to be and with whom she wants to be. Under all of this though she’s family centred; she will kill for her family (and found family).

Seth is a Virgo; bold, grounded but enchanting. Virgos have a way of capturing a whole room without even having to try, they aren’t brash or loud but they are just so vibrant man idk! There’s something about them. Anyway I think Seth is just a lovely sunshine character, he’s deffo got cancer in his big three too, maybe his moon, but the Virgo energy is there for me. He’s the fun earth sign and he’s not gonna let you forget it

[morganski-19]

I Don't Know Which Way's Home

Chapter 15: Visitors

ao3 link, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14

cw: minor descriptions of violence/physicall assault

Present Day, March 1987

“When are you going to move in,” Sarah asks over the phone.

“Next week, I think. I should get the keys in a few days and then we’ll take some time to get some basic furniture. Then we should be all good.”

Steve was excited for the move. Excited to get out of this house to something he owns. Something he can make his own. A place where he can walk through the door and see himself on the walls. In the furniture. Where it feels like home.

Not just a large house where most of the lights are never on. Suffocating anyone who lives in it.

It’ll be an adjustment. But he’s willing to do it. Ready to do it. He’s been stuck in the same loop for so long, he ready to break it.

“Any word from your parents?”

Steve still feels bad about that. If things went the way he wanted them to, Julie would never have to endure his parents. Over the phone or in person. Knowing her, she’d probably want to sit behind him in court. She’d see them there. But wouldn’t be dealing with him. That’s his job, not hers. Not anyone’s.

He’s been dealing with his parents for his entire life. He’s used to it. Knows how to shut up and say the right things just so the issue is dropped. Most of the time. Sometimes he fights back. Stands up for himself. Just to get knocked back down to the lowest peg possible. But he tries.

Now, it’s a totally different ballgame. They can’t knock him down again, not really. He’s stronger than he was back then. Older. More mature. Has a sense of his own self worth and how it doesn’t revolve around their opinions. They never cared enough to stay, why should he care about their words.

“Uh yeah. They got the papers, last I heard from the courthouse is that they got the response letter. It wasn’t pretty.”

“Well, that was to be expected. Anything else?”

Steve hesitates. “Yeah, um. I sort of got kicked out.”

“What?”

“Yeah, my dad said he wanted me gone. That if I thought I was going to get anything from them anymore I was wrong and can’t keep living here rent free. But they haven’t, like, sent a cop or anything to make sure I’m gone. So, it’s fine. I’m handling it.”

“That’s only because you have an in with the Chief, Steve,” Sarah says sternly. He can picture the frustration on her face. “When did they tell you this?”

“Two weeks ago.”

Sarah swears under her breath. “You’re cutting it close here, Steve.”

“I know,” he says before she can continue. “I know I am. But we’re so close to getting out. Most of our stuff is out of the house except for essentials, and I have people on standby incase they come home. I’m not going into this blind. I know how they are.”

“The minute they show up, the minute that this backup plan gets put into place, you call me immediately.”

Steve knows that Sarah’s just planning for the worst possible outcome. That it’s better to plan for things that might never happen than to scramble for a solution. He doesn’t want to think of the worst. Deep down, there’s a strong feeling that it’s actually going to happen.

Because he does know them. He knows how they will want to fight. They don’t want to do it at all. Threats have gotten them out of trouble before, it shouldn’t be any different now. Only Steve wasn’t giving up. Giving in. He separated himself from them enough that their words don’t mean shit anymore.

At least that’s how he’ll act. In court, he’ll tell the judge the truth, not caring what their going to say as a rebuttal. The way they’ll tear him down as much as they can. It won’t affect him then, but Steve has no way of knowing how it will affect him behind closed doors.

Despite everything, someone deep inside him craves for their approval. Their attention. That person has been getting satisfaction knowing that he’s getting it somehow. The same person that threw large parties just to get the cops called. Just to see if they would show up again. Give him a phone call. Steve wants to ignore that part of him, but it’s there.

That same part of him will probably cry when this is all over. Knowing that his parents are done with him forever. That they think the worst of him. Their opinion shouldn’t matter. It still does sometimes.

“I promise I will,” Steve assures.

“Good.” Sarah hangs up without another word.

Steve’s relationship with his parents has always been complicated. He knew that. Everyone knew that. There was a small hope that if he just acted right, did all the right things, the relationship would become less complicated. Less strained. He’d be their son the way other sons were. Not just a trophy to sit on a shelf, but something more. It never became that, no matter how hard he tried.

So he stopped trying, and look where he is now.

. . .

Julie was putting her plate in the sink when a car pulled into the driveway. Steve’s head turned to the door, wondering who it is. He never does that. People come and go here all the time, normally Eddie since he has a car. Robin if she gets him to pick her up on the way.

But Steve never turns his head when it’s them. Like he has some sort of sixth sense when it comes to random people showing up at his door. Always knowing who it is before he sees them. This is different.

Still, Julie doesn’t pay much thought on it. It’s probably just one of them. Or maybe one of the kids had their parents drive them over. It’s nothing.

Until they hear the garage door start to open. No one ever uses the garage.

Steve’s body tightens. Standing straighter that he normally does.  He abandons his dish in the sink, walking toward the door leading to the garage. On attention. Waiting for something to pounce.

She’s never seen him like this before.

When he returns to the kitchen, there’s a frightened look in his eye. One that immediately makers her heart start to pound faster. It can’t be that bad. What can scare him into looking like this? Spine tied up with a string. Stance ready to start running. Afraid. He’s so afraid.

His mouth opens to say something as a car door slams. A rage filled voice traveling across the house. Enough that she can place who’s it is, even after only hearing it once. Steve’s fear matches in her eyes.

“Steve, who’s here?” Her voice waivers.

Without saying a word, Steve gently grabs her arm and brings her to the sliding door. “You can’t be here right now. They can’t know you’re here.”

“Steve,” she asks again.

He slides the door open, the evening air making her shiver. “The Byers house isn’t that far through the woods. You remember going there for Christmas Eve, right? Go straight about thirty feet, then make a right and keep walking.”

“Steve.”

The door starts to open, and the voices fill the other room. Steve’s eyes dart towards the sound before landing back on her. Only making her more scared.

“I’ll be there within an hour with the rest of our stuff. But it will be worse if they see you’re here. I don’t want them to hurt you.”

“Steve,” she pleads for him to slow down.

“You got it. Go to the loose fence behind the pool house and then walk straight a little bit. Then make a right and keep going. You’ll see their house after a while. Take this.” He reaches for the walkie on the kitchen table. Messing with the dial. “When you get to the woods, call for a code red. It won’t go to everyone, just to them. I’ll be there when I can.”

Before Julie can say anything else, Steve pushes her out the door and shuts it behind her. Sliding the lock into place.

Heavy breaths fill her lungs, burning slightly with the chilled air. She looks at Steve though the glass. Face frantically asking for an explanation. Trying to convince her the one she has is wrong. They can’t be here right now.

“Go, please,” Steve mouths through the glass. Terrified.

Julie turns. Walking to the pool house. Finding the loose panels of the fence and pulls them to the side. The same way she would do when she would sneak into this backyard. When she lived in that other house and would do anything not to be there.

Steve’s instructions replay in her mind. Walk straight for a bit, about thirty feet. Maybe more. The turn right and keep walking until you see the house. Call for a code red. Julie looks at the walkie in her hand before she presses the button. Seeing how her hand in shaking.

“Copy,” a man’s voice comes through the speaker. Julie unable to place it right now. “I’ll wait outside for you. If you don’t see the porch light, look for the flashlight. Call again if you get lost.”

Julie turns to the house again. The light click on in Steve’s room. He shouldn’t be much longer. There’s not much else to grab. He should be right after her.

She thinks about waiting. But she already called. They’ll get worried if she doesn’t show up.

Her mind can’t stop racing as she walks. Sun setting slowly as it becomes harder to see the ground. Squinting to make sure she doesn’t trip on a root or branch.

Did Steve’s parents really show up? Just unannounced. That part wasn’t as surprising when she thought about it. They seemed like the people to do that. Steve mentioned that they might come home. She didn’t believe it then. She barely believed it now.

He was right. They showed up at the worst possible time. Give it another week and they would have been out of there anyway. But no, they just had to show up today.

The rage of Steve’s father’s voice rings in her head. The threats on the phone call finding their way back to her mind. What would they do when they saw he was still there? He wanted the two of them gone, that didn’t happen. Not yet. It was happening, but something told Julie that wouldn’t matter. In their heads, Steve disobeyed them. Again.

. . .

Steve watches Julie round the pool house before he turns away. Knowing that she’s going to a safe place, that no matter what the Byers’ will take care of her. His safety, he’s not so sure about. Anger fills his dad fast, and it’s already bubbling over with the sight of the Beemer still sitting in the driveway. Or the fact that there’s lights on in the house.

He’s about to see his parents for the first time in two years. And he’s terrified.

Everything slows down like one of the horror movie scenes. Where the footsteps thump down the hall while the protagonist just stands and waits like an idiot. Waiting for it to strike. They don’t seem like such idiots anymore. Steve knows how feet can feel glued to the floor, but it has a whole new meaning now.

His back is straight, chest puffed out in a way that makes him look bigger than he is. Anything to make him more menacing than his father’s glare. Or fist. Or whatever is coming his way as his father finds his way to the kitchen.

For the first time in two years, Steve looks at his father’s face. Disgusted how much it looks like his. A constant reminder of where he comes from, no matter how hard he tries. Rage filled eyes meet Steve’s, waiting for him to make the first move. All he does is cross his arms, clench his jaw. Trap his father in a glare. He’s not speaking until he has to.

“Steven,” his mother breaks the silence. “We were not expecting you.”

She always tried to keep the peace between them. To try and keep in his father’s rage. It rarely worked. But she tried. It was the one thing Steve commended her for. Deep down, he felt bad for her. Trapped in an unhappy marriage having to follow after Richard just to make sure he didn’t cheat. But that still meant leaving him, and she didn’t call enough for him to forgive for that.

“No, we were not,” Richard finally speaks, voice tense. “What are you still doing here?” Considering you are no longer welcome in this house, that is.

His father can’t even speak his name. Steve debates walking past right up to his room. Filling the last tote bag before doing the same with the rest of Julie’s stuff. Walking out without an explanation. His father raises his eyebrow with a tilt to his head. Awaiting an explanation.

Instead, Steve decides to gloat. “I’m actually just waiting for the keys to my house. Didn’t want the neighbors to think you left your son to sleep in his car. That wouldn’t be so nice to the reputation, wouldn’t it, dad.” He continues to glare at his father, not backing down.

His father lets out a condescending laugh. “If you were so concerned about reputation, then we wouldn’t have to go to court. Would we, Steven? Instead, you think that you deserve some kind of justice. After all we’ve done for you.”

It’s Steve’s turn to laugh. “What did you do for me exactly?”

“Put a roof over your head, make sure there was money to put food on the table. Give you a car, clothes, expensive gifts. See you through high school, pay for your sports equipment. Everything you have is because we gave it to you.” Richard’s voice raises, almost yelling. Almost.

Steve resists a flinch when the last word booms through the room. Instead of saying another word, he side-steps his parents, heading upstairs. Flicking on the light in his room, stuffing as much of his stuff into a tote bag. His room already looks bare except for the sheet and the stupid car poster on his wall.

His mother appears in his doorway moments later, a more silent argument ready to be said. Until she sees the walls. “You painted?” she gasped.

“I did. Hope you don’t mind. I won’t be here much longer anyway. You can turn it back into what it was.”

A sickened smile forms on his mother’s face. “You never told me you wanted to change your room. We could have done it together.”

Meaning that she could have changed it while he watched. Hating how it would have turned out no matter what the product was. His mother never listened to him anyway.

“Well, you were never here long enough to change it, so I just did it myself.” He smiles to himself when his mother’s smile twitches. Knowing that his words stung.

The tote bag gets slung over his shoulder as he pushes past her. Leaving her to look at her ruined masterpiece as he packs up Julie’s room. Pulling out the tote bag she has underneath her bed and putting away the few essentials that she had left. Taking out another to shove her clothes into.

His mother gasps as she sees the paint over these walls as well. This room in particular being her favorite guest room. “What have you done?”

“Painted. Like I said.” He continues to fill the second tote bag.

Richard finds his way up the stairs, done waiting for Steve. Eyes landing on the desk where the picture of Julie and her mother rests. Steve grabs it before he can, gently placing it in the tote bag. Throwing some clothes around it so it doesn’t break.

“Has someone been living in here?” his father asks, not willing to admit he recognized the woman in the picture.

Steve takes a deep breath. “Oh no one special. Just your daughter.”

His parents stiffen at the same time. Bringing a sly smile to Steve’s face.

“I don’t have a daughter,” his mother says with feigned confidence. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to him.” He meets his father’s eyes again. “I was talking about Julie.”

As fast the smile formed of Steve’s face, it’s smacked off. Cheek stinging with the contact of his father’s hand. His mother gasps, scolding her husband. Knowing nothing would stop him from doing it again. Steve grabs the desk chair, using it to balance him as he gets his bearings. Waits for the ringing in his ear to calm down, for the breath to return to his lungs.

“You are never to speak that name again,” Richard commands. “She is nothing.”

“Julie is not nothing.” Steve manages to stand, only to have to grip the chair again when Richard’s fist makes contact again. Lip darting out to taste the blood coming from his split lip. A short laugh escapes as he stands, planting his feet stronger this time. “You really thought I’d never figure out about her.”

“You think you are so tough, don’t you, Steven. Changing your room, getting a job, housing someone you don’t know. All of that you could do because of me. All of that you are going to lose. What will come of you when you don’t have us paying for everything anymore? When you can’t come crawling back to us when life gets hard.”

Steve manages to stand again. Plants his feet the way he’s learned to. Treating his father like every other monster he’s faced. Wishing that there was a bat in his hand to twirl around. Make a show of protecting himself.

He doesn’t need it this time. Richard might pretend to be strong and menacing, but he’s just a person. Who got a few good hits in because Steve wasn’t prepared for them. He is now.

“You would know something about housing someone you don’t know. You’ve been housing me for twenty years.”

Richard’s arm raises again, but Steve was ready for it this time. Catching his wrist before it can contact Steve’s face. It surprises the both of them, but Steve doesn’t let his guard down. His eyes dart to his mother, who hides just barely behind Richard. Laura was never one for confrontation, and now he’s something more than just her son. Now he’s a threat.

“I am more than what you think I am. I changed my room because I never liked the old one. Because I should feel welcome in my childhood home. I got the job because if my hard work, not because of my name. I gave Julie a home because she is my sister, that is a fact. And because her and I have something in common. Our father knows nothing about us.”

“Let go of me, Steven.” For the first time, Richard is the one with fear in his eyes.

“Are you going to hit me again?” Steve tightens his grip.

Richard shakes his head. “No, no I’m not. Don’t do anything rash here, Steven.”

Steve lets go of Richard’s wrist with a swing, letting it slam back into him. “I go by Steve, but you both always ignored that anyway. I’m not some kid you get to push around anymore, no matter how hard you’ll try. You might think I’m stupid for staying here after you told me to get out, you might think what I’m doing is pointless. But I’m not doing all of this for me anymore, I’m doing it for me and for Julie. Because while you thought she was just something you could pay to never think about again, you missed out on a pretty great kid.”

He takes a deep breath. “But I guess you’re used to that. You missed out on the kid you kept around. Even if you weren’t here to see me grow up. I hope it all was worth it. It was a lot of hell for me.”

Steve grabs the tote bags, slinging one over each shoulder and the other in his hand. Taking a moment to realize that this is the last time he’ll ever set foot in this house. It’ll no longer be his home. It should be sadder than it is. There were many good memories among the bad that happened here. But he feels a weight lift off his shoulders. It’s not over yet, but he’s free of one of his chains.

“You going to let me leave? Not like you want me here anyway.”

Neither of them moves. Not ready to admit they lost.

“Where are you going to go?” Laura asks like she cares. She might, but it was too little too late at this point.

“You don’t get to know that.”

Laura lowers her head in a nod, accepting. Steve pushes his way past them and down the stairs. Finding his keys.

Richard follows him down, not willing to give up. “Don’t think you can have the car, we paid for that. It’s ours.”

Steve laughs, undoing a keychain Robin made him from the ring. “I know, was just getting this off.” He tosses Richard the keys. “There you go. House key is on there too, so you won’t have to bother about me coming back.”

He grabs his flashlight from the hall closet before opening the door. Sparing one last look at his parents, to find anything that shows remorse. All he sees is Richard’s hard stare and Laura’s sorry eyes. Nothing calling him to stay.

So he leaves.

. . .

Julie was lucky she didn’t get lost. She followed the directions and, after a while, saw the porch light. The last bit of sunlight helps her get the rest of the way there. Illuminating the path just slightly so she doesn’t trip.

“Hey,” a voice says from beside her, making her jump. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

Julie turns to see the Chief holding a flashlight, the light pointing towards her. “I think you would have even if I knew you were there.”

“Come on, let’s get you inside. It’s getting cold out here.” Hopper steps in front of her, leading her the rest of the way.

Joyce is waiting for them in the house. Getting up from the couch when they open the door. “You’ve been out there for a while. I was getting worried. Oh honey, you’re shaking, are you cold?”

Julie looks down at her hands, seeing them shake. She doesn’t feel cold. More in shock than anything. Afraid of something she’s never really experienced. Only hearing his voice once over the phone. That was enough to spark fear. Not for her, but for Steve.

It was all she could think about when she was walking. What Steve was going to face when his parents saw that he wasn’t there. If they saw what they did to their rooms. If they saw her.

She agreed it was probably best that she wasn’t there. It would have probably made it all ten times worse. But leaving Steve alone in that house, with them. It felt like a bad idea.

He can take care of himself, she knew that. That didn’t stop her from feeling like she should be there. Be a barrier to stop them from hurting him. In whatever way they were going to. Maybe if there was a witness, he could leave without a fight.

“Julie, sweetie, are you ok?” Joyce’s warm voice breaks through her thoughts.

Julie tries to say something, but nothing comes out. It hits her all at once how scared she was for him.

“What time is it?” she asks.

Joyce checks the clock in the living room. “Just about seven thirty, why?”

Julie left a little after seven. So, assuming Steve left right after her, he should be here soon. And if he left a bit later, he should be here by eight. That’s if nothing went wrong. If they didn’t get into an argument. Or he didn’t get lost.

“He said he’d get here within the hour. So by eight. If nothing happened. Do you think something will happen?” Her voice can’t help but shake.

Joyce makes a face that is supposed to help but doesn’t. Full of sympathy, but one of no answers. “I’m not sure. But whatever it is, he’ll be fine. I know he will.”

“And if he isn’t?” Julie keeps seeing the small person that Steve becomes when he talks to his father. How the light drains out of him, and he becomes a shell of the person he is. His father isn’t even in person and can do that. What will happen when he is in person?

“He will be,” Joyce assures. “How about you come in, sit down. Can I get you anything? Water, hot chocolate?”

Julie lets herself be led to the living room. “Water would be nice.”

“Alright. El here if you want to see her, have someone to sit with.”

“Yeah, yes. I would like that.”

Joyce smiles at her. “Ok, I’ll go get her for you. Jim.” She nods her head toward the kitchen before heading down the hall.

Hopper brings her a glass of water, which she takes. Taking a sip before setting it on the table, seeing how her hands still shake. Joyce comes back down the hall motioning for Hopper to join her in the kitchen. Leaving Julie alone in the living room. Until El comes to sit next to her.

“Joyce told me about what happened,” she says softly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“He used to hit my mom,” Julie blurts out. “He used to hit my mom when they were together, and she made him angry. Steve made him angry. I know he did. He called the house last week and, and kicked us out. And we didn’t leave yet, because we couldn’t. Steve doesn’t get the keys for a few more days. What if he hits Steve, too?”

El’s hands find hers, holding them together to calm the shaking. Julie turns her head to meet El’s eyes. Seeing an expression that feigns strength but fear still rests in her eyes. She’s scared for Steve too.

“I have known Steve for longer that you have. I know how strong he is, how brave he is. He will be ok. I promise.” There’s a certainty in her words.

Somehow, Julie believes her. “Ok. Ok, yeah. Yeah. He’ll be ok.”

“Would you like a hug?”

Julie nods. Her breath starting to even out again, the adrenaline keeping her tears at bay failing.

El opens her arms and leans forward to give Julie a hug. Julie takes it with a choked sob, tears starting to fall. El pats her back awkwardly, not quite sure what to do but it’s helping. With a few deep breaths, Julie’s able to pull herself together. Pulling away from El to wipe the tears from her eyes. She won’t be ok until Steve shows up, but she’s better. For now.

“Thanks, that helped.”

El smiles. “Good. Do you want to watch something while we wait? Keep your mind off of it?”

“Yeah, sure.”

El clicks on the tv, finding a channel with some reruns that Julie doesn’t pay attention to. Her mind is still on Steve. Knowing that the there’s no sunlight left to guide the way, and he has no walkie to let her know when she’s coming. Yet she still grips the one resting in her lap. Hoping by some miracle she hears Steve’s voice through the staticky connection and knows he’s ok.

But nothing comes through. The only noise filling the house is the tv, and the not so silent whispering between Joyce and the Chief in the kitchen. After a while, Hopper heads back outside with the flashlight, walkie stuffed in his jacket pocket. He’s going to look for Steve.

It feels like forever before there’s a knock at the door. Making Julie sit up straighter. Joyce emerges from the kitchen to open it. A very winded Steve behind the door, tote bags slung over his shoulder and flashlight in hand.

“Sorry I’m late,” he apologizes while catching his breath. “I had to go the long way.”

Joyce ushers him in. Steve barely gets a chance to put the bags down before Julie’s on her feet and pulling him into a hug.

“You’re ok.”

“Yeah, I’m ok. Did you get here ok, I know I kind of freaked you out.”

Julie lets go. “Freaked me out. Steve, you terrified the shit out of me. After the phone call last week and the little I knew about him I,” she pauses when she sees his split lip. “He hit you?”

Steve touches his lip. “Yeah, he, uh, he did. But I’m ok. I’ve had far worse than this.”

“You say that like it makes it ok. It doesn’t.”

He looks down with a shake of his head. “I know it doesn’t.”

“He really hit you because you didn’t leave.” Julie can’t seem to wrap her head around the idea. But then, she would never hit someone for any reason. Let alone that.

Steve clears his throat. “Sort of. Why don’t you go sit with El for a bit, I have to talk to Joyce for a second.”

She gives him a confused look, knowing he didn’t answer her question fully. But she still goes to sit on the couch again. Him and Joyce go to the kitchen, speaking in whispers. Something tells her that reason he was attacked was because of her.

. . .

Joyce uses her walkie to let Hopper know that Steve is at the house. She gets him a glass of water and makes him sit down, looking at his lip.

“It’s really not that bad. You and I both know this is the least beat up I’ve ever been after a fight.”

She sits down in the chair across from him. “You should listen to Julie. That still doesn’t make it ok.”

He looks down at his hands. “I know. Just easier to think of it that way. Out of all the things he’s done, he’s never hit me before.”

Hopper comes into the kitchen, sitting down next to Joyce. “You ok, kid?”

Steve shakes his head. “I will be, just need a second. Thanks for making sure she got here. Making sure she was safe. I didn’t know what would happen if he saw her there. Just knowing that she was there at all was the reason why,” he can’t finish the sentence.

“Of course. You both can stay here as long as you need to,” Joyce offers.

“Thanks, I appreciate it.”

Hopper crosses his arms. “You could press charges if you wanted, make your case a little stronger.”

“It’s my word against his, and my mom will never speak out against him.” She never did before, why would it change now. “Can I use your phone, I need to make some calls.”

Joyce nods and Steve heads to the phone in the hall. Pulling out Sarah’s number from his pocket. Dialing it with a deep breath. She wouldn’t be happy with this.

She wasn’t. Cursing Steve through the phone with an “I told you so”. But grateful that Julie is safe, grateful that he is too. She gives him a day before she’ll say anything. Give him time to make it look like Julie was just at an extended sleepover. For them to move. He thanks her just before she hangs up.

Robin is next. Takes a second to make sure he’s ok before cursing out his dad. Offering to go over there herself and give him a piece of her mind. He tells her it’s a bad idea, she disagrees, but still says she will keep it all for when she sees him in court. That way there will be witnesses. She makes sure he’s ok, offers to come over. Steve assures that he’s fine and will talk to her again in the morning.

The last person is Eddie. Steve already knows how he’ll react, but still hopes he won’t freak out that much.

“Where are you right now?” he asks after Steve fills him in.

“The Byers. It was the closest place that was safe.”

“I’ll be there soon.”

Steve holds the phone closer to his mouth. “Eds, really. You don’t have to come over.”

“Like hell I don’t.” Eddie hangs up before Steve can protest anymore.

He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t want to see Eddie right now. That if knowing that his boyfriend was willing to drop everything just to be there with him right now didn’t bring him comfort. Part of him didn’t want Eddie to see him like this, though. Fragile, partially homeless. Taken a few hits to the face.

As if Eddie hasn’t seen Steve beat up before. Pretty much all of Hawkins has, it’s a reoccurring event. But those times were different. It was because of his own idiocy or protecting someone. This was at the hands of someone that already caused him more pain than he should have gone through. He didn’t know how to admit that he got hit for no reason.

He heads back to the kitchen, tells them that Eddie’s coming over. They don’t say much, but have a knowing look in their eye. One that scares the hell out of him, but makes him feel seen at the same time. Steve could be himself in this house. Around these people. It wasn’t even his, and it felt more like home than he’s ever known.

“I never asked if you were ok,” Steve says as he sits down next to Julie. “Are you?”

Julie shrugs. “As ok as I can be I guess.”

“Sounds about right.”

“Did he hit you because of me?” Julie asks after a pause.

Steve would do anything to lie to her right now. To dart around the question and make up some excuse. Knowing her, she would see right through it. She didn’t need him lying to add to tonight. But would it be better for her to know the truth?

There’s a knock at the door before Steve can try to answer. He thinks it’s for the best. Enough has happened for one night.

He stands when Joyce opens the door. Almost getting pushed out of the way when Eddie sees Steve in the living room. They meet in a hug, Steve feeling more relieved that he thought he would.

“Those jackasses couldn’t have waited a few more days before they finally came home. They had to do it while you were still there.”

Steve huffs out a laugh. “Yeah well, they never had the best timing.”

Eddie notices the cut on his lip when he pulls back from the hug. Eyes filling with anger. “I’m actually going to get arrested for murder this time.”

“Eds, it’s really not that bad.”

“Not that bad.” Eddie’s voice raises. “Not that bad, Steve. You have a fucking split lip. Your eye is puffy.”

Steve tries to calm Eddie down, still conscious of the people around them. Trying not to make it look too revealing. “It could be worse.”

He sees Joyce say something to the girls that gets them to leave and head down the hall. Leaving him and Eddie alone in the living room.

“How hard did he hit you? Can you hear me alright? What about your vision, nothing’s blurry. You can still see fine?” Eddie clocks when they leave, grabbing Steve’s head with both his hands, assessing the damage.

Steve tries to pull Eddie’s hands away, make this less of a big deal. “I can hear and see fine. He didn’t hit me hard enough to do anything. I’ve had worse, it’s the least concerning thing that’s happened in the last few hours.”

“Your father, a grown man, assaulted you. His son. And you think there are more concerning things that happened in the last few hours.” Eddie’s face falls. “Just because you’re an adult when he hit you doesn’t make it better.”

“I know that,” he admits. Starting to feel the weight of everything finally sink in. “I just don’t know how to process it all right now. Tonight’s been a lot and I just need a minute, a day, I don’t know. Something. I just can’t think about that right now.”

“Ok,” Eddie says softly. “Ok. Then we won’t talk about it anymore. When every you’re ready. Does it hurt though, do you need ice or anything? Last thing, I promise.”

Steve shakes his head. “No, no. It’s ok. I’m ok right now.”

Eddie nods. Kissing Steve before pulling him into another hug.

Just when Steve gets his life together, it all falls apart again. Or at least feels like it. In just a few days, the pieces will be put back into place. His life will get back on schedule. His schedule. Where he can move into a house that he bought, with his own money. To a job that he got, by himself. And life that has nothing to do with his last name.

Even if the court date is a few months away, and he’ll have to see his parents again. But after that, he’ll never have to interact with them again. He will be permanently free.

Right now. He’s trying to hold it all together. Making his brain slow down to give himself a minute to breath. Before the crushing reality of all that just happened presses down on his chest. And they’ll take hold of his mind again. Just for a little while, then he’ll break free again.

Joyce insists they stay the night. Explaining how Julie is already set up in El’s room, and how the two of them can take the pull-out couch. Just like that, with no explanation needed. Or excuses. Maybe Steve could tell everyone about them soon.

It’s still early when everyone goes to bed. Just wanting the day to be over, even if they’re not tired. But the comfort of darkness lets Eddie scoot closer, hold Steve a little tighter. Make him feel put together even though he’s slowly starting to fall apart.

Tomorrow is a new day. With plenty of problems to be solved and conversations to be had. Telling the rest of the group to stay clear of his old house and change his contact information with a few people. Try to get the keys a few days earlier.

Tonight is meant for sleep. To float around and exist without anything pressing his mind. Wrapped up in his boyfriend’s arms and feel comfort for a brief moment. Until his looks in the mirror again and see the healing cut on his lip, and the slight bruise on his cheek. Almost fall apart all over again until he pulls himself back together. Each time a little weaker than the last until he finally breaks.

It’s so easy to fall back into old habits. To bottle everything up for the sake of other. For the sake of himself. Steve really can’t process everything right now. It would sting more that it already does. So, it gets pushed away. Until he’s ready to face it again.

He only hopes that time will be sooner than most. So he doesn’t blow up at someone that’s undeserving. Saying something he can’t take back.

But right now, he doesn’t need to think about that. Right now he needs to sleep.

Tag list(let me know if you want to be added or removed): @homoerotictangerine, @mugloversonly, @thesuninyaface, @imyelenasexual, @anaibis, @ilovecupcakesandtea, @brainsteddielyrotted, @jackiemonroe5512, @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @cinnamon-mushroomabomination, @lolawonsstuff, @writingandmushroomdragons, @stevesbipanic, @sierra-violet, @steddie-as-they-go, @dauntlessdiva, @mousedetective, @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner, @zombiethingy, @connected-dots-st-reblogger, @that-agender-from-pluto, @allyricas, @cheddartreets, @devondespresso, @crypticcorvidinacottage, @queenie-ofthe-void @chronicpainstevetruther, @cheddartreets, @theupsidedownrealestateagent, @acidbubblegummie, @sirsnacksalot, @l0st-strawberry, @helpimstuckposting, @strawberry-starss, @freddykicksasses, @italianwhore1, @i-threw-my-name-out-the-window, @rageagainsttheapathy, @nuggies4life, @ape31, @whimsicalwitchm, @chrissycunninghamfanblog, @michellegilligan, @hippielittlemetalhead, @bridget-malfoy-stilinski-hale, @jaytriesstuff, @confused-stripes, @faeb1tch42069, @marklee-blackmore, @hel-spawn, @genderless-spoon, @mamafaithful, @estrellami-1, @starryeyedpoet17 @i-amthepizzaman, @lilpomelito @melonmochi

[beanghostprincess]

I wanna see Reiju x Tashigi headcanons from you! I actually think they are pretty cute, the Princess of Germa falling in love for a pretty marine woman

I think they're pretty cute too!! I love them!! That color spread rewired everybody's brains, I think 🩷🤍🧡

I am so so so weak for princesses falling for people they shouldn't. Reiju is the perfect golden daughter, mostly to avoid issues with her dad and because she settles with her position as a Germa member instead of looking for what she wants. And she's fine with that. She's ""mature enough"" to know that as the oldest she should be the one taking care of her (even if awful) brothers.

I mentioned this in another post but the thought of Reiju knowing she's a lesbian but never acting upon those feelings and setting them aside because she's a warrior and a woman and I am so sure Judge has the "you have to give birth to my grandchildren" mentality. And tbh she doesn't really want to have children because she feels she will never be able to be like Sora and is afraid she might end up hurting them if she raises them in that environment. But little tiny headcanon (that will be important later for Tashigi) Reiju finds out she actually can't have children after all the modifications and Judge blames her and she actually has an awful time because maybe she did want children. At least she wanted to choose. Whatever.

As to how they meet, I am not that sure. But it isn't that weird that the marines go to the Germa kingdom. Judge probably suborns all of them, ngl. Not Tashigi, though, of course. But it's not like she can do anything about what Judge does yet. But to go directly to the headcanons, yadda yadda yadda Judge makes Reiju talk with Tashigi yadda yadda yadda it's noticeable she's trying hard to force Tashigi to get out of there before anything happens to her even if she's just constantly teasing and threatening her. Typical "I know you're only threatening me because your father told you, you can get out of here with me" vs "I am fine here, this is my true nature (nope) and you should go before I have to kill you".

I actually really want them to have a whole night for themselves and fall for each other kind of right away? Not really right away but there is something between them and they can feel it. And maybe in the future Reiju can sneak out during her missions to see Tashigi and be a little bit annoying (because she misses her and wants to see how she's doing but won't stop teasing her) while Tashigi tries to make her open up and convince her to escape with her and just... Turn in her family. But Reiju has this mentality of "if I turn them in you have to capture me too because we're the same" and also her oldest sister feelings.

So they have this back and forth relationship in which Reiju won't stop teasing and sometimes opening up and Tashigi won't stop discovering and seeing more and more about her. While Reiju starts falling in love (something she was never allowed to do and still feels like she shouldn't be doing) when she sees Tashigi's kindness (kind of resembling Sora's) and Tashigi just knows Reiju has that kindness within her too. Going back to the children again, at some point Reiju meets the Punk Hazard children being with Tashigi and she just looks so nurturing and sweet with them and Tashigi can't help but just knowing she has a good heart.

And it's also the perfect moment to mention Sanji (without actually saying his name). It's just Reiju saying she misses him and Tashigi seriously thinks at first that she's talking about him like that because he died, but she can see on Reiju's eyes that there is more to that.

I really want to get into simple, generic headcanons now so:

Reiju is always taking off and stealing Tashigi's glasses because it's just fun for her to see her fall and catch her

Reiju sees Tashigi fight/on serious mode and it honestly makes her feel things she has never felt before

Tashigi thinks Reiju is extremely experienced when it comes to dating and sex because look at her but she actually has never been with a woman because she has only had to use her seduction on men. So they're both equally nervous even if it isn't that noticeable on Reiju

Reiju finds so admirable of Tashigi that she goes all the way to fight for what she thinks is right and wishes she could do the same. But she's constantly trapped on the "I'm a Vinsmoke" mindset

Tashigi takes care of her and erases that mindset at some point with so so much comfort and gentleness Reiju has never felt before (I think Reiju deserves to cry and be vulnerable too btw)

Constantly teasing each other and it's so much fun when Reiju wants to be the most flirty and Tashigi ends up flirting back and damn she was not expecting that but she likes it

AGHHH I can't stop thinking about Reiju just admitting and accepting she'll have to get married at some point to a man and Tashigi being so furious about it. Imagine these two dating in secret for a while and just-- Tashigi promising they'll be together and get married or whatever and Reiju letting herself dream for a while about it

"I love you" / "It'll pass" or something like this

Again with the dangerously yours quotes but the whole "If I betray you, I betray myself. If I betray them, I betray my family. My brothers are very dear to me" / "Dearer than I?" feels like something they'd go through

This got angsty- Just imagine Reiju like "Nooo this food was definitely poisoned so sad mmm I will have to kiss you now I guess!!" and it's just an excuse to make out with Tashigi but Tashigi is actually freaking out until she realizes she's just flirting

Tashigi rambles SO MUCH about swords and Reiju loves every second of it because she looks so genuine and excited...

And Reiju actually does listen to everything Tashigi has to say and Tashigi has never felt so appreciated...

Smoker knows his girl is in love but he does not want to know shit about it so he pretends he doesn't know about Tashigi and Reiju's calls in the middle of the night. But Tashigi does look happier and more inclined to work even harder so that is a win for him

Suddenly Tashigi knows a lot about poisons and she says some fun fact about them and Smoker goes "??? Since when are you so into this??" and she gets all nervous and anxious and says she read it in a book

Same with Reiju. Her brothers see her happier and want to tease her about it and her secret but she has been more gentle and motherly to them so... They've been acting softer... Kind of. For some reason they like seeing her happy and they're still trying to figure out why

I honestly think Ichiji is the only one who actually knows about the whole thing but doesn't say anything about it as long as it doesn't affect them

Reiju likes dressing up Tashigi with her dresses because she likes seeing her I classy clothes (and then taking them off but that's another story)

Same thing with Tashigi btw she likes seeing Reiju with her hair messed up and just t-shirts because she barely sees her in a genuine, comforting way

I actually do have more ideas about them because they're making me go insane but... I think this is enough for this post. They're so,,, Cute,,, And I adore them. Let Reiju be free please please please 🫶🏻 So she can date her beautiful, nerd, marine girl 🩷🩷

[fuckingfinwions]

Maedhros smiled as Maglor slipped into his room. Maglor was far too old to be frightened by thunderstorms, but he still spent more nights cuddled in his big brother's arms than in his own bed. Maedhros enjoyed it as well, knowing that his favorite sibling was happy, some part of his alpha hind-brain relaxed at having his pack close. The two of them spent a lot of their time awake together as well, Maglor composing or researching, while Maedhros penned letters and embroidered, to the point there was now a second desk in Maedhros's study.

So there was no reason for Maglor to look nervous to intrude.

Maedhros held out his hands for a hug and Maglor willingly went, nearly tackling Maedhros to the bed.

"What's wrong?"

"Alphas don't cuddle with other alphas, do they?"

"It's not like it's forbidden, it's just that we get territorial. You're still a kid though, I like having you here."

"Not when I mature though."

"It will be awkward, but I'll get past it. We're more than our instincts, we are the Noldor, the wisest and most cunning beings in all Arda."

"Is the thing about not liking someone watching out for you true, or just a stereotype?"

"I don't mind someone watching out for me, but someone overseeing me and directing me itches. It doesn't come up much though."

"It would for me though, if I'm an alpha and keep hanging out in your room."

"I suppose."

"And alphas can't kiss each other. We couldn't even give familial kisses on the cheek, in case we slip."

"We could take turns, with one person holding very still. And one accidental kiss isn't enough to Change someone."

"Still, I don't want to be alpha."

"You have to grow up sometime, and the healer has known you were an alpha since you were a child. You're even called 'Commanding Finwe', I'm sure you'll get used to it."

"I have to grow up sure, but why does that mean I have to be an alpha? The healers are wrong sometimes."

"They get it wrong perhaps one time out of two dozen. You should accept and plan for being an alpha, not hope for a rare chance that you can't do anything about."

"I can do something about it though! I want to be an omega, and I can make it happen."

"No one has a way to let an undeveloped child pick their presentation."

"If the healers had said I was an omega and I wanted alpha, than sure, I'd be out of luck. But there is one very well known way to Change an alpha into an omega." Maglor moved his thigh between Maedhros's, rubbing against Maedhros's cock.

"What - you can't be serious!"

"Why not?"

"You're just a kid, way too young to make such a decision. The only people who Change are centuries old and deciding to follow their partner."

"I'm not that young. I've been waking up hard the last three days."

"That's no evidence of maturity, and Mom and Dad will never let you get fucked by a stranger just because you don't want things to get awkward between us."

"Oh, I agree we shouldn't tell Mom and Dad, and I'm not gong to find a stranger."

"Good."

"I want to suck your cock every morning until I go into heat."

"What??"

"You heard me quite clearly."

"I must not have, because it sounded like you wanted to Change by committing incest!"

"Maybe. Or maybe this is just my natural omega instinct to submit to a strong, loving alpha."

"There's nothing natural about his, Maglor. You're confused."

"Am I? Then why are you turned on?"

"It's a purely physical reaction to stimulus."

"The stimulus of having a young omega in your bed."

"No!! Just of having someone touching me there."

"Would it be so bad, really, to touch me? Am I so hideous that it's such an imposition?"

"That's not-"

"Come on, you said for yourself that just one kiss wouldn't hurt."

"A kiss, not a blowjob."

"Still, give me a chance to prove I want this."

"That's not the question!"

"Oh? Then what questions do you have for me, alpha?" Maglor looked up through his eyelashes at Maedhros.

"There's no questions, because there's no argument you can give that would make this a reasonable action."

"Sure there is. I could say that I'd go find someone else to Change me. Ecthelion's just a year older, and handsome enough. I don't think he even knows I'm not an omega yet, he'd have no reason to suspect I'm anything more than an eager slut."

"Don't you dare!" Maedhros held Maglor to him tighter as if Maglor might leave and seduce the other student right now. Maglor wriggled closer so his ass was under Maedhros's right hand.

"No? Why shouldn't I, as it wouldn't be incest?"

"Ecthelion isn't good enough for you."

"Oh, it wouldn't be anything serious, not bonding or even letting him fuck me. Just playing with his cock until I get what I want."

"You are still far too young to Change your body so entirely."

"I told you, I'm not sure I'm an alpha. My dick doesn't have a knot as far as I can tell, not that I've seen one in person."

"Maglor, we've gone swimming together often. You've seen my dick."

"Not when it's hard and your knot is full and throbbing. It's not as noticeable when you're soft."

"You're just trying to get me to take off my clothes to show you my cock."

"I could show you mine instead. You'd have to touch me though to be sure, I won't accept a glance from across the room as proof that I'm already doomed to life as an alpha. You could look at my hole as well, see if I'm starting to get slick." Maglor reached one hand between them to begin unlacing the tunic, brushing against Maehdros's hands as he did so.

"Keep your clothes on! You can look at my knot and see if it resembles yours, but you may not touch."

"Thank you!" Maglor kissed Maedhros on the cheek, a quick familial press of the lips an no more. Then he stood back and looked expectantly.

Maedhros stood as well, feeling self-conscious, but unfastened his pants. Really, he thought it's the best way to dissuade Maglor. To show him that his body is that of a normal alpha, and quickly before he has any more foolish ideas - or worse, acts on them.

Maglor knelt down in front of Maedhros.

"I said-"

"I know, I'm not going to touch you! But I can't see the base well standing up, I need to be closer."

"You ought to get more sleep if you can't see what's five feet in front of your," Maedhros grumbled, but he held still.

Maglor turned his head to one side and the other. He leaned down to view Maedhros's knot from below, then stretched up to see the tip, bracing himself with one hand on his brother's hip. Maedhros stood stock still, not daring to move a muscle.

"Thank you for letting me look," Maglor said, still so close his breath hit Maedhros's cock as a warm wind.

"So now you've seen an alpha's knot, and we can be done."

"Yes, I've seen your knot and it's highly impressive. I don't have one though."

"What? But you're an alpha!"

"Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm an omega all along, and I'm supposed to take a knot rather than have my own."

"Maybe it just hasn't expanded yet, wait a week or two and I'm sure you'll have a nice girthy knot."

"I suppose," Maglor sighed, and his lips nearly brushed Maedhros's shaft. "It seems such a waste though, if I get one and don't want it, meanwhile you have a gorgeous cock and don't do anything with it."

"I'm sure I'll find someone to marry someday," Maedhros responded a bit nonsensically.

"Perhaps. But that's a long time away, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Can I please suck you? Even if I'm an alpha, I want to know every part of you."

"You've just spent several minutes staring at my dick, you won't learning anything more by touching it."

"Maybe not with my hands, but I am a singer. My mouth and tongue are how I shape my craft, can I not practice my art with you?"

"Why are you so insistent?"

"Like I said, I want you. And If I'm really an alpha, this might be the last time in a while you're comfortable letting me this close."

"I'll always let you hug me, Maglor."

"Sure, but it will take effort. Can't I do this for you just once?"

Maedhros sighed. "How Can I say no to you? Once, and then we never speak of it again."

"I promise, I won't mention it if you don't," Maglor said. He leaned forward and licked the tip of Maedhros's cock.

[bellofthemeadow]

Summer of '03 | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Chapter 2 - The Garden Party

Series Masterlist | Previous Chapter

Rating: M for Mature (18 + no minors allowed)

Word Count: 6K

Warning: All warnings on the Series Masterlists, will update if necessary (Re-iterating, no minors allowed! Thank you)

Chapter Summary: The annual neighbourhood garden party is the last place you want to attend as the new gal in town. But you spot Joel Miller in the corner who gives you a rather charming smile. Maybe things are finally looking up!

Notes: Hey everyone, its been a minute! I am really sorry for the delay for the chapter, but life has been insanely busy! Between work, preparing grad applications and the upcoming semester, I have not had a minute for me. Also, this chapter was really hard to write, I've been trying to make my interactions more natural and its SO HARD!

I hope you all enjoy the chapter and like always thank you to everyone who liked and commented previously, I live for all your feedbacks! If you wanted to be tagged, let me know and I'll be really happy to add you to my taglist :D Take care everybody!!!

Taglist: @brittmb115 , @bitchwitch1981, @kittenlittle24 , @casa-boiardi

As the morning sun crept through the curtains, you woke up completely groggy. The oppressive feeling was eerily reminiscent of your late teens when you'd sneakily raid your dad's liquor cabinet for a swig of that fancy cognac. You groaned and snuggled your head further on the pillow. Note to self: "Never again mix wine with emotions” The fight with Joel last night had left you emotionally drained, and the contradictory desire/hate combo that was swirling inside you further accentuated that hangover feeling you were experiencing. And on retrospect, mixing wine into the already boiling pot of emotional turmoil had not been a great idea.

Getting up slowly, you shuffled your way into the bathroom, urgently seeking relief from that awful pasty feeling in your mouth. With your teeth brushed and the unpleasantness washed away, you returned to your room. Feeling a bit daring, you cracked open the bedroom window. And what do you know? A wonderful gust of fresh air greeted you, like the universe had just dropped a perfect little slice of heaven right at your doorstep.

Your hangover momentarily forgotten, you dashed to put on your cutest co-ord yoga outfit – a playful pink ensemble sprinkled with little white dots that made you feel like your best Barbie self. You unfurled your yoga mat, eagerly anticipating the next 45 minutes of respite from thinking about one Joel Miller. As you were bending down in some stretches, your peaceful bubble was abruptly shattered by a relentless assault of knocks on the front door. Seriously, universe? Can't a person downward dog in peace?

Letting out an annoyed huff, you marched towards the front door and yanked it open, fully prepared to tear into any doorstep salesman audacious enough to disturb someone at 8:45 on a Saturday morning.

Your annoyance faded as soon as it appeared because right in front of you stood a very sheepish-looking Sarah Miller, dressed in cute white shorts and a purple cap-sleeve shirt. A broad smile lit up her face as you opened the door. You arched an eyebrow, crossing your arms playfully before teasingly asking, "I thought you weren't supposed to come around here from now on?" Sarah's response was an Olympic-worthy eye roll; the sass was strong with this one.

"I don't know what's up with my dad, he was so out of line last night! Uncle Tommy says that he's got a stick up his ass, and honestly, truth!" You burst out laughing before herding her inside.

"Ah well, men are from a completely different planet. I stopped trying to decode their language a long time ago" you giggled with her.

Sarah suddenly had a very vulnerable look etching itself on her face. "I was afraid you wouldn't want to hang out with me after yesterday. I would totally understand if you didn't want to; my dad can be a lot sometimes. Like I love him and everything, but he really needs to chill." You smiled and reassuringly bumped your shoulder with hers.

"Hey, don't sweat it, alright? I loved hanging out with you yesterday, and your dad's grouchy grandpa routine isn't going to change that. Now that school is over, maybe you could come around more, we could hang out and stuff. If you aren’t busy of course, I cant imagine that youd want to spend all of your time with your boring old neighbour!"

Sarah's smile could light up the whole of Austin with how bright it got. "I'd love that! I have a babysitting gig for most of the summer, but I'll be free every day after 3 pm, and Dad works late, so we can hang out then..." Sarah kept rambling about how excited she was, and you couldn't help but smile fondly.

"Still, now we'll make sure that Joel knows when you come over; don't want to give him another excuse to hate me, you know. He’s got a big enough list already" Sarah acquiesced quickly, "Don't worry, my dad's gonna come 'round. He likes playing the overprotective Texas man, but inside he's like a big mush of jello."

 You couldn't help but snort at her words; many words came to mind when you think of Joel Miller, but "mushy," "soft," and "jello" would definitely not be contenders. Words like "intimidating," "broad," and "grumpy" would more accurately describe the man. And the sneakier voice in the back of your head would go even further and kept traitorously adding explicit descriptives that you couldn’t take out of your mind; “sexy” “arousing” and “daddy” were just a few. But you would deny ever having those thoughts until your grave. It didn’t matter how hot and steamy Joel Miller was, he was first and foremost a Grade-A asshole.

But when you looked at Sarah, who was so sweet and lively, you found it hard to believe that Joel Miller could truly be as terrible as he appeared. After all, he was the one who had raised her, wasn't he? Just the previous day, Sarah had disclosed to you that Joel was a single dad, which might account for his long hours and the fatigued yet determined countenance he wore. Observing him leaving his house in the morning, you were reminded of an old drawing you had come about in your grandma’s library when you were a child. You remember spending hours overlooking the printed carving depicting Atlas shouldering the world's weight as if an immense burden rested on his shoulders. The roles of provider, nurturer, and protector seemed etched into his demeanor – qualities, you imagined, he sought to embody for his daughter. It couldn't be easy, day in and day out.  If only he was less of a dick, you would bequeath those qualities to the man: dedicated, protective, nurturer. A shame he had the personality of a constipated rottweiler.

You smiled at Sarah and gestured toward the living room. "I was about to do some yoga, you want in?"

"I don't have a mat," Sarah replied.

"Lucky for you, I have two," you winked at her. When you decided to move to Austin, you’d never be able to guess that your new best friend would be a 14-year-old girl.

"Come on, you can't miss it! It's going to be so much fun, and literally everyone will be there!" Sarah exclaimed, her excitement only adding to the throbbing headache you were developing.

You hesitated, trying to find the right words to decline politely. "Well, you know, big meetups really aren't my scene…" In truth, the idea of spending your entire Sunday afternoon at the annual neighbourhood cookout in Didi Roberts' backyard didn't appeal to you at all. The Robertsons' legendary BBQ supposedly marked the beginning of every summer and was the talk of the neighbourhood, but for you, it was more like an anxiety-inducing spectacle to avoid at all cost. As the new face on the block, you could already hear a million questions coming your way - something you'd much rather steer clear of. The prospect of being surrounded by a sea of unfamiliar faces, engaging in small talk, and participating in group activities made you feel slightly uneasy. After all, you had come to cherish the quiet Sundays you've enjoyed since moving to Austin, spending them with a good book, relaxing in the backyard pool with Sarah, or strolling through the nearby park.

“I don’t think I want to have a bunch of people asking me a bunch of questions, Sarah, you know what I mean?” Sarah clucked her tongue, putting a stray curl behind her ear as she turned toward you. Both of you were lounging in the backyard, savouring the last rays of the sun before Joel would be due home. “Nah, people won’t care. Didi’s husband left her like 2 months ago, and no one knows why!!! People are gonna be way more interested in that drama than you moving in, trust me!”

You chewed your lips as you considered Didi's new divorce proceedings being in full swing. You couldn't help but wonder why she would be so adamant to host regardless. Perhaps it was out of habit, an attempt to maintain a sense of normalcy in the midst of what you heard to be a complete shit show of a divorce. Or maybe it was an act of defiance, showing everyone that she was doing just fine despite her husband leaving her for his secretary. The jury was still out on that.

Despite your best efforts to stand your ground, Sarah's contagious enthusiasm was proving to be a formidable opponent, gradually wearing down your resistance. For every argument you put forth, she effortlessly offered a counter, until finally, your resolve began to crumble, and you found yourself giving in.

"Well, okay, I guess I could drop by for a little while," you finally conceded, a soft smile escaping as Sarah's triumphant expression lit up her face.

"Awesome! You won't regret it, I promise!" Sarah assured you, wrapping you in a tight hug.

This was how you ended up in a large backyard, full to the brim with the entire neighbourhood on a blisteringly hot Sunday afternoon. The sun beat down relentlessly, casting a golden hue on the lively scene before you. Laughter and chatter filled the air, accompanied by the tantalizing aroma of grilled meats and sizzling vegetables.

As you stepped into the midst of the gathering, you couldn't help but feel like a fish out of water. An outsider among the familiar faces, you took a moment to observe the different groups scattered throughout the yard. Kids were running around with playful abandon, their laughter like tiny bells chiming in the summer breeze. Their parents were scattered over the expanse of meticulously trimmed green hedges and professionally cut grass. The dads had for the most part congregated around the large bbq, while the moms were drinking rose and chattering on the patio chairs. And you were… there. Sarah had said that she and unfortunately Joel, would be there at 1h30 pm, well now it was 1h55 pm and they were nowhere to be found.

Suppressing a groan, you reached for your glass of sangria, lifting it to your lips and taking a hearty sip. You had arrived at the cookout armed with the special concoction, hoping it would somehow win over the crowd. Your culinary prowess might not shine as brilliantly as Gordon Ramsay's, but who needed Michelin stars when you had the “Boozy Book” written by your very own Granny Mabel? She had always sworn by the magic of adding 3 extra shots of triple sec and 2 shots of Jameson to a full bottle of white wine, claiming it made the whole thing pop. You could still vividly recall the sight of your relatives at family summer cookouts, gleefully imbibing Mabel's potent sangria, only to end up toppling over and snoozing on the meticulously manicured lawn. In your younger years, the adults' antics might have seemed far from impressive, yet your grandma's smug wink and her declaration, "Someone's got to add a little spice to these dull gatherings, my darling!" had stuck with you. Now, as an adult, you embraced the tradition with open arms. After all, people didn't have the luxury of being judging assholes when they were too intoxicated to even form coherent thoughts.

And apparently, your master plan to win over the neighbourhood ladies had worked like a charm. Initially met with unsure and haughty looks, their opinions quickly changed after just one sip of your sangria. Suddenly, you became their new best friend, and even the hostess, Didi, declared that you would be invited to every future cookout. Hip hip hurray, you thought, though a tinge of gloominess lingered.

As you sipped your drink, you found yourself trapped in a conversation with Bonny and Portia, neighbours who lived down the street. They were busy talking your ear off about their husbands and their brood of children. They were practically living novellas of family life, expressing their eagerness for the resumption of school to catch a break from their children's ever-present demands. A wry smile danced on your lips as you listened to their musings, "so much for motherly instinct," you couldn't help but snort into your glass.

As you tuned them out and Portia's voice began to fade into the background, your eyes wandered away from the endless chatter and scanned the gathering.

And there he stood, Joel Miller, the man who made your heart skip a beat. Time seemed to slow as your gaze locked onto his, and the air around you crackled with electricity.

He looked delectable in that tight blue t-shirt, his charm and charisma radiating effortlessly. Joel stood in the corner, sipping on a beer, the condensation forming delicate droplets on the bottle. The way he casually leaned against the fence showcasing his confident ease as if he owned the place. The world around you seemed to blur, and all that remained was him and the palpable connection between you.

A mixture of excitement and nervousness flooded through your veins, momentarily halting your breath. The fleeting eye contact said more than words ever could. He knew, and you knew, and it was intoxicating.

A mischievous glint danced in Joel's eyes, and a knowing smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. He raised his beer in a subtle salute towards you without breaking the locked gaze, revealing the underlying connection between you two. However, before the moment could fully unfold, he shifted his attention to a smaller man in round glasses who was chatting animatedly at him.

Joel responded with polite nods and occasional hums, but it was evident that he was merely going through the motions. His eyes, though looking at the man, seemed distant, as if his mind was elsewhere. And your eyes stayed glued to him, observing the mesmerizing bobbing of his Adam's apple with each sip he took from his beer, entranced by the subtle movements.

You felt yourself grow warmer and a throbbing ache slowly started to build deep within you. You rubbed your thighs together as subtly as you could, but the sight of Joel Miller, who, for once, didn't look like he wanted to rip your head off, was too much for you. So you indulged, taking your time to watch him – how good, strong, and wholly masculine he looked compared to everyone else. Your eyes roamed over his strong shoulders, stretching against the fabric of his checkered shirt. His sleeves were rolled up, leaving his powerful and hairy forearms on full display. With his arms crossed, his stern stance gave you the perfect view to appreciate the thickness of them. You couldn't stop looking at him. You close your eyes, feeling the pressure of the man from the other side of the backyard. Fuck what you wouldn’t give to have him bend you over the table in front of everyone at that party. To have those big strong hands hold you down, hold your hair. Maybe you’d see something other than resentment in those warm brown eyes for once.

A teasing smirk played upon your lips as you continued to indulge in shamelessly ogling the man who had been causing headaches for the past couple of weeks. Your eyes settled on his strong thighs, outlined perfectly by the well-worn fabric of his ever-present jeans. It was as if he had a personal commitment to denim, regardless of the occasion or the weather. But you weren't complaining; in fact, you were quite appreciative of this consistency. Those jeans offered you an unobstructed view of his muscular legs, each contour and sinew highlighted in exquisite detail.

The play of sunlight on his skin only intensified the appeal. The way his muscles shifted beneath the surface as he moved, the way his stride exuded confidence – it was all captivating. You marvelled at how he could maintain such an effortless air of strength and masculinity, even amidst this admittingly boring BBQ.

Your lips met the cool rim of the glass in front of you, and you took a tentative sip. The liquid provided a fleeting reprieve, its flavor momentarily drowning out the persistent tug of the dilemma that wrestled your thoughts. Should you muster the courage to wander over and initiate a conversation with him? The notion lingered, a prominent question mark dancing in the recesses of your mind, illuminated much like those incessant billboards on the highway. It was as if a colossal, bright yellow arrow was pointing directly at Joel Miller and his infuriatingly irresistible face!

But the memory of his all too recent antagonistic behaviour gave you pause. The last time you crossed Joel Miller’s path, his words had been laced with a sharpness that grated your soul raw, leaving you exposed and feeling like a misbehaving little girl all over again. Your palms felt sweaty when you were with him, and you were pretty damn sure that about 60% of that wasn’t due to arousal. Ok maybe more like 40%, but still!

When his piercing brown gaze fixed on you, warm and inviting for everyone else, it seemed to hold a different essence entirely, summoning a sense of learned powerlessness that you had vowed never to let anyone inflict upon you again. It settled deep within your stomach, a leaden weight that felt unshakable. Like an anchor, it connected you to the darkest corners of your self-destructive tendencies. It was astonishing how a devilishly handsome, middle-aged contractor from Texas had managed to raze the fragile castle of self-esteem you had painstakingly erected after you had left your parents' home at just 19-year-old.

But at the same time, shouldn't two adults be able to talk without making a big scene in public? You were twenty-six for God’s sake, not a toddler! And he was… well you didn’t know how old Joel Miller was, but he should be old enough to not throw a temper tantrum. At any rate, that smile he threw your way could have been a peace offering, maybe he realized he had been nothing short of a complete douchebag since the day you two met. And there was Sarah too. You loved the girl, and it would be really nice if you and her dad weren’t always going for the jugular like a pair of wildcats!

Just as you were lost in thought, Portia's loud voice snapped you back to reality:

“And then, Marie said that the lifeguard down at Millbrow public pool wanted to show her how he used his stick and… Hey you even listening?”

You turn your head sharply toward the woman who exchanged an annoyed look with Bonny who rolled her eyes at your blatant display of inattention. You smiled nervously before downing the rest of your full glass in one go to the look of horror of the two PTA moms. You tapped the edge of your glass for emphasis, “Empty, gonna grab a refill of the punch I saw coming in. See you two later.” Before either could utter a word, you quickly make your escape toward the large table on the patio where a large bowl of punch had been placed.

As you were making your way, you tempted a quick look towards where Joel was standing a minute ago to find… Nothing. You let out a sigh, probably better that he went somewhere else, gives you an excuse to not talk to him. As you reach the table you grab the oversized ladle and poured yourself a generous amount of the unknown concoction into your glass.

“I’d be careful with that if I were ya. Didi’s famous ‘round here for having a pretty generous pour.”  You dropped the ladle with a large splash from the shock of hearing the voice of the man that had been living rent-free in your mind right in your left ear. He was close… way too close for your heart to handle. Joel let out a sharp laugh as you felt yourself grow hot.

“Glad one of us is having fun.” You grumble, “Could you give me some space, I gotta…” you point in the general direction of the punch bowl and extend your hand to start a game of go fish with the ladle. But as your hand reaches for the bowl, Joel’s own larger, browner, and calloused hand reaches for your wrist and softly squeezes. “’tis my fault, I’ll grab it. If Didi saw you contaminating her punch, she’ll throw a damn fit.” You shiver as you slowly retract your hand, “Euhh, thank yo-” You inhaled sharply as you felt his other hand grabbing your lower back, gently nudging you to the side.

You turn your head and were met with the devastatingly beautiful side profile of your infuriating neighbour. You were so close, that if you leaned in you could probably kiss the apple of his cheek. “Won’t Didi be angry with you if she sees you though?”  Joel only smiles as he fishes out the ladle and puts it on the napkin next to the bowl before wiping his hand down. He turns his head in your direction and all of a sudden, your two noses are inches apart. You drew in a sharp breath as Joel Miller smiles his devil smile “Better me than you, trouble.”

You raised an inquisitive eyebrow at his taunting and dare you say, flirty word, “Trouble? Is that supposed to be me?”  Joel gave a shy smile at the playful tone behind your words, and slowly brought his face inches closer to yours, your nose almost touching. You could feel his warm breath on your face. His sharp woodsy aftershave invaded your senses, leaving you a bit dizzy. “Yeah, I mean you’ve been nothin’ but trouble since I met ya…” And just like that the spell was broken.

“Excuse me?” You drew your head back sharply and took a couple of steps back, clearly, Joel wasn’t expecting you to react that way because he levelled you with a lost and slightly panicked look.

“I don’t be meanin’ anythin’ by that. I just, ya know.” He was clearly scrambling for words, but you just stared him down putting your hands on your hips to make you look as unimpressed as possible. He squirmed under your hard stare. Good, you thought. Let him feel as small as he made you feel these past 2 weeks. After 30 seconds of this suburban recreation of a western showdown, Joel seems to remember who he was and who you were because his eyes narrowed, and his lips formed a thin line.

“Sorry to burst whatever little rich girl bubble ya been living in, sweetheart. But you’ve been a troublemaker since you set foot in this damn neighbourhood!” You refused to be intimidated, not this time. Not when you had been mere inches away from kissing those plush lips that now were disdainfully scorning you.

“I don’t see how I’ve been trouble at all actually.” You replied, fixing him with an angry glar.

 “What you want an itemized list or somethin’?” You felt your eyes narrowing further at his words, “I’ve been nothing but nice and friendly since the day we met! You are the one that’s been acting like a grade-A asshole!”

 “Come on kid, ya bein’ serious right now?”

“Do I look like I am joking?” you retort angrily. Joel deflated at your tone and looked sheepish for a split second. You could see the gears working in his mind as he was trying to stringed together an excuse that would get him out of this.

"I didn’t mean to be rude, but ya know you ain’t the most considerate…" You let out a loud gasp, looks like Joel decided to double down.

"Is it about me arriving a ‘day later’?” You made sure to emphasize the words with air quotes, “I told you that day, no one told ME I had a schedule to abide by. If I had gotten in late at night, I would have found a hotel to crash in, no biggie. Rich girl pockets, you know." Joel looked a bit reddish at your sarcastic words and a little frown settled between his bushy eyebrows.

"Well, then you should’ve used that big New York, fancy educated brain to know not to disturb people when they don’t want to be bothered!" God this man knew how to push your button! What was wrong with him and why did he love throwing you your life back in your face like a well-placed jab!

"May I remind you that it was 1 pm by the time I got to Austin? How was I supposed to know you'd be asleep at 1 pm? I am many things, Mr. Miller, but a mind reader is not one of them."

Joel was getting quieter with each answer you were giving him, but he was not a man with the habit of letting go. He had dug himself a grave and he was in too deep to reach the top, so the only way to go now was deeper.

"Well, you did have my daughter at your place without tellin' me! That was irresponsible and downright negligen…"

"And I already apologized for that. I apologized, but that wasn't enough, was it? Why exactly? I didn't do anything to Sarah! I would NEVER do anything to that girl, and I would NEVER let anything happen to her! For Heaven’s sake, you act as if I was taking her into a cult! And you treat me like a… Like a fucking nuisance! Like I’m a fungus under your foot. And for what? Because I’m inconsiderate based on your minimal assessment of me? Based on the fact that I didn’t abide by a schedule I didn’t know about? Because I woke you up in the afternoon when I should have known that Joel Miller would be sleeping? Or because I love spending time with your daughter? From the way I see it, one of us is acting like a kid and it sure as hell isn’t me. You need to grow the hell up, Joel!"

You catch your breath as you start to notice that you two have been attracting a crowd, and most people in your general vicinity have gone completely silent. Hypnotized by the free melodrama happening in front of them, no doubt.

Joel was not letting go, and although his voice was much more subdued than what you’d heard before, he kept going his accent getting thicker with each angry word he was uttering. But you were too angry for his charming southern drawl to have any effect on you “I told ya I didn’t want ya hanging out wit’ Sarah no more! She’s my daughter and I decide who she should hang out with!”

You rolled your eyes at his last-ditch effort to apparently stick it to you. What was it with men and their refusal to admit fault? You were so tired, and the day was so fucking hot. Fuck, things had gone sideways so quickly. You really didn’t want to fight with Joel, all you wanted now was to go home, crawl into bed and sleep for 12 hours, hopefully away from all the nosy neighbours. You cringed, you and Joel would without a doubt be the number one topic of gossip in the weeks to come.

You gave him a tired smile, “I don’t even know why I am arguing with you right now, since everything I say, you’ll just twist to fit whatever weird narrative you’ve got going on. Look, I like hanging out with Sarah, she’s just a lovely girl. She is funny and kind and just completely smart as a whip. She is the first person that’s shown me some kindness since I moved here. If you really don’t want her spending time with me, I won't push it all right. I just want you to please leave me alone now.”

Your words seem to placate Joel as his stance became softer as he finally seemed to realize that you two had amassed quite the crowd with your little display. “Look, I didn’t mea..” “It’s fine.” You cut him off, “I’ll get out of your hair, and I’ll stop causing so much trouble since that’s apparently all I am good for to you.”

“Now wait a min…” His plea went ignored.

“I said it's fine Joel! And now, I am going home.” You turn sharply and swiftly make your way out of the backyard, your blood ringing loudly in your ears and tears welling up in your eyes. From hurt or humiliation, you didn’t know. Now you could see things pretty clearly though, Joel Miller was a fucking asshole.

Joel's gaze tracked your hasty retreat from the garden party, his eyes fixed on your form as you disappeared from sight. The soft murmur of his neighbors' conversations reached his ears his. Your public spat was probably the highlight of their fucking month. Vultures the lot of them!

He shot them a withering glare, his frustration palpable, his words of sharp retaliation poised at the tip of his tongue. However, before the acerbic retort could find its voice, a broad hand landed with a hearty thud on his back, interrupting his thoughts.

“Alright folk, Show’s over! How ‘bout ya’ll go find something else to entertain ya lot?” Tommy’s voice was friendly enough, but the authority underlying his words was sufficient for people to start scattering like a bunch of barn mice.

Tommy's grip on Joel's arm tightened as he led him away from the chattering crowd, angling towards the neglected corner of the backyard. The hushed echoes of whispered conversations seemed to follow them, an audible shadow that gnawed at Tommy's nerves.

Something was definitely off, but he wasn’t able to put his finger on what was going on with his brother. As they reached the secluded spot, Joel's brows were furrowed, his features a mix of bewilderment and frustration. Tommy could sense the tension in the air, a palpable unease that crackled between them.

"What the hell is going on with you?" Tommy's voice mirrored the frantic thoughts racing through his mind. "I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but even I can tell that whatever the hell just went down was a complete disaster, Joel! Seriously, for the love of God, ya made the poor girl cry!"

"I sure as hell didn't plan for that, Tommy, you gotta trust me on that! I was just messing around with her, and she took it way too seriously. Not my fault she got all bent out of shape. Those city kids, they can't handle a little ribbing..." Tommy shot Joel a stare that oozed complete and utter disbelief.

"Yeah, you and I both know that's a load of crap. Whatever went down, it sure as hell wasn't because of some harmless teasing. You were just dishing out your typical Joel jerk-face. I've seen that expression before, but it’s usually reserved for when the cement guys are running late, not for the cute girl next door!"

Joel's shoulders slumped as he let out a frustrated grumble in response to Tommy's words. He shut his eyes and agitatedly tousled his hair, as if trying to shake off his thoughts. "She's like under my damn skin, Tommy!" Tommy's mouth dropped open comically, momentarily resembling a fish caught on a hook. "It's like... I can't even explain it. I don't have the right words. But ever since I laid eyes on her, it's like an itch I can't scratch, and it just doesn't make any damn sense. We've had maybe three conversations since she moved here, and each one ended up in a fight. But damn it, Tommy, it's like she knows exactly how to push my buttons! Every time she walks outside in those shorts, it just gets under my skin 'cause I know every creep on the street is staring. And God, when she's with Sarah, she's incredible. Sarah adores her. I'm just... lost." Joel's words tumbled out in a jumble, an attempt to give voice to the chaotic swirl of emotions inside him.

Tommy fixed his brother with a blank stare, his voice tinged with incredulity, "So, if I'm getting this straight, you're attracted to her, and your grand strategy was to become the biggest jerk possible? Is this your mid-life equivalent of pulling the pretty girl’s pigtails in 8th grade?"

“Fucker! Ya don’t have to be such an ass about it!”

“I wouldn’t have to be if you’d get your head out of yours!”

"DAD!" Joel's eyes clamped shut as a loud groan erupted from his lips. "For crying out loud?" he muttered under his breath, the frustration evident in his tone. He pivoted on his heel, only to find himself locking eyes with Sarah, whose expression conveyed equal parts anger and disappointment over the scene that had just unfolded. She levelled a stern gaze at him, her hands planted firmly on her hips, a mirror of the very pose you had struck during your argument.

“What the hell was that?!” she shrieked.

“Don’t start with me Sarah, your uncle is already ripping into me so ya gonna have to take a ticket!” Joel grumbled unhappily.

“Yeah well, you were a complete dick..”

“Oy, language! I don’t care how angry you are, ya know better than not mindin’ your manners!” Sarah took on a sullen look and angrily exhaled a puff of air through her nose, “What like you minded yours with her? I invited her you know, the least you could have done was to be cordial!”

Joel took a step toward Sarah and grabbed her into his warm embrace, he could feel her tears wetting his shirt, “I really like her dad, she listens to what I have to say and she doesn’t just pretend to like other adults do. She took me shopping last week, and we looked at makeup for hours, because we couldn’t decide on the right shade. I’ve always wanted to have that.”

A pang shot through Joel's heart as he absorbed his daughter's words. He knew that Sarah had borne the weight of her mother's absence in silence, and now, with stark clarity, he understood the nature of the bond that you shared with her. Regret surged within him as he recognized the depths of his own blindness, the emotional whirlwind he'd been trapped in that had blinded him to the very essence of Sarah's needs. The realization hit him square in the chest: he had been a jerk, a self-absorbed fool, but now, he was determined to make things right.

“I know babygirl. I am so sorry for how I acted; I’ll make things right ok. Daddy will make everything right.” he murmured, his voice tender as he continued to hold her close. Sarah had reached an age where grand displays of fatherly affection were met with a facade of maturity. She had declared herself "too grown up" for such things, yet beneath it all, her heart seemed to welcome his words of comfort.

After a moment, they released each other from their embrace. Sarah wiped away her tears, her determination shining through. "You promise?" she questioned, a mix of vulnerability and longing in her voice. Joel reached out, his touch gentle as he brushed away a stray tear from Sarah's cheek. Offering her a warm, reassuring smile, he answered, "I promise, sweetie. How about tomorrow, you head over there and invite her for dinner next Friday?"

Sarah's face lit up like a child on Christmas morning. "Really? You mean it? I can invite her for Miller Friday?!"

Joel nodded, his own smile matching her excitement. "Yeah, it'll be a good time."

Sarah's enthusiasm didn't stop there. "And Uncle Tommy can still come? So, it’ll be like all of us?"

Joel chuckled, his eyes twinkling. "Of course. For better or worse, we're stuck with him."

Amidst the playful protestations coming from Tommy, who had been observing from the sidelines, Sarah managed a chuckle of her own.

Her gaze turned serious once more. "And you'll apologize?"

Joel's expression softened. "Yes, babygirl, I'll apologize."

"Promise?" Sarah pressed, her eyes searching for his assurance.

Joel's smile broadened, before spitting loudly in his hand and extending it toward Sarah. "Promise!"

"EWWW, DAD, GROSS!"

Next Chapter

[blushinggray]

navigation 🧭

hello. for anyone new here:

i'm michelle (aka hokshi), she/her, 25+

lover of himbos

simp for tsunderes

appreciator of dilfs

addicted to slow burn

(and slave to kirishima natsuya)

here you'll find my anime-related interests, as well as my spontaneous, low pressure, unbeta'ed drabbles. i mainly write [male character] x fem!reader, and about half the time, it contains mature content. so pls be aware of that and manage your own boundaries. i am very casual about what/how i post here, so i'm putting a lot of trust into you to care take of yourself

most of my writing that i actually put my soul into is on AO3, so if you're looking for slow burning, emotional tension with a sexy ending, you'll likely find smth more fitting over there

but since i've accumulated enough writing on this blog now as well, i figured it was time for a directory, so here ya go:

🔞 — nsfw 💖 — personal fave/rec 

— drabbles —

BNHA

bakugou katsuki:

choking 🔞 baby boy thirsting at the gym bakugou pole dancing 🔞 fantasizing 🔞 moon viewing tsundere dad!baku + art 💖 ph!baku x stand up comedian!reader basketball player!baku 💖 domestic thoughts "come see me"

kirishima eijirou:

pwp 🔞 reverse somno 🔞💖 at the beach with a himbo + song rec 💖 the last to know bunny boy bj 🔞 cum buckets 🔞ish

sero hanta:

pierced/tatted fuckboi!sero change of plans (a fuckboi!sero series) 💖🔞

general:

kink headcanons 🔞ish

JJK

itadori yuji:

pick your poison (yuji/sukuna twins!au) 🔞ish nothing but ass on the brain 🔞 glass slipper type beat

//

— fic trivia —

some extra headcanons, rough visuals, or fun facts from some of my fic universes, which can also be found in my #fic trivia tag

HQ

from "Love Unlimited" (hinata x atsumu x reader) - sequel/aftermath headcanons

BNHA

from "Good for Me" (a tattoo artist!bkg x tattoo artist!reader au) - sketch of bkg's tattoos - extra au headcanons

Free!

from "Within the Chaos" (a single dad!natsuya au) - fanart i commissioned of natsuya & yumeko - headcanons of having "the talk" with teenager!yumeko

//

— other info —

this is a side blog, so i follow/like from a different account

i mostly write for myself/my own enjoyment, so i don't take requests. but i do enjoy hearing suggestions if you want to share some inspo!

for non-anon asks, i usually answer privately (although sometimes i press a wrong button or tumblr goofs smth and it ends up getting published). but sometimes, if it's smth i wanna share/document on my blog, i will publish/tag it as #ask

i really enjoy meeting/talking to new people tho! so if you ever want to share your love of your faves, talk about writing, recommend me fics/artists, or even just send me memes (related to my fics or otherwise), you are so very welcome to visit my DMs/ask box!

— if you'd like to support me —

i have a ko-fi, where if you're feeling generous, you can leave me a tip! i always deeply appreciate it!

you can also purchase a special extra story from a bakugou fic i wrote a while ago, which i'm actually quite proud of

when i'm feeling up to it, i occasionally open up commissions! ranging from 2k~5k words, depending on the price. please message me first about what you'd like before purchasing though! depending on your request, i may or may not be the right person for the job, so i would really appreciate communicating and coming to an agreement beforehand!

if we come to an agreement, you can purchase the commission through the ko-fi link above (for those with paypal), or if you live in the US, you can also send it to me through venmo!

if you made it all the way down to the bottom, thank you so very much for visiting my blog and taking an interest in my writing 💖🌹 i hope you have a great time

divider images by @/firefly-graphics

[terubakudan]

Sup. xD

No, but really. Hi guys! Long time no see.

I see that Tumblr's changed, and believe me I'm re-learning how to use it. xD

So, um...usual life update I guess, you don't have to read this but I have to get this out of my system or I'll go crazy xD.

Honestly I really miss blogging and talking about fandoms, hobbies and whatnot. It's literally been over a year since I last blogged and there's a reason for that: literally no work-life balance at my old job. I say 'old' because I finally quit this year!! I'm really glad to be out of that soul-sucking hellhole xD For reference, I used to work at one of the Big Four accounting firms as an auditor, think hard before going in haha. The pay may be good...but at what cost?

For a while even when I left I couldn't stop thinking about work, I would always worry that there's something that hasn't been finished yet, and believe me at that kind of job the workload is endless Orz. On the plus side I did get experience, but I'm waaayyyy more glad to be out than in, believe me guys, work-life balance is something that everyone should have, I don't know what it's like in other countries (do feel free to share, I'm quite curious) but there's a reason so many foreign professionals choose not to work in Taiwan:

The pay is low. Especially compared to Japan and South Korea. As of now minimum wage is NTD 26,400 (USD 836) per month, and NTD 176 (USD) per hour, the thing is it's seriously not keeping up with inflation here. Bento used to cost NTD 60~70 when I was in college! Now it's NTD 90~100 on average.

Hours are long. Not all jobs are like this, but you are expected to do overtime without additional pay in most.

A lot of bosses here just...don't know leadership skills? Like they know how to work, but are awful at teaching and leading subordinates. Both Mom and I complain that the EQ of some locals is quite low ^^" No seriously, you do something well and somehow it's always your fault xD People here can be too materialistic sometimes and don't spend enough time on enriching themselves and others. It's really the fault of long work hours as well as the cram school culture here.

So yeah..welp.

My new job (accounting staff at a SME) may be lower pay but at least I get to come home earlier now, which honestly is a relief. Also weekends off. You'd be extremely lucky to get a weekend off at the old job xD

In a way, my Dad spoiled our family xD Because he was too nice we got really used to this rosy portrait of Taiwan and the locals xD But yeah, Mom, Bro and I will find ways to carry on.

Well enough about that! I hope everyone's getting on well with their lives, even when it's tough, there are always ways to carry on. ╰(*´︶`*)╯

I haven't been 100% offline actually xD Just a lot of lurking xD

Some things I've been up to:

You are now looking at a JoJo's Bizarre Adventure fan xD JJBA lives in my head rent-free and I don't regret it at all, I want to slap past me for not following JoJo sooner, especially as an avid fan of music and fashion. My brother’s pestering of me to watch it finally came to. I don't read manga, have watched Parts 1~6 (and made my Mom watch it with me ha xD she practically got almost all the music references xD) and am excited for a Part 7 anime!! Which could take forever sadly :( Along with Arcane Season 2, it’s been a while since there’s a show that I really look forward to watching, what with the current state of TV and movies nowadays. Too much on content and not enough on quality or well, basic storytelling even.

But I'm sad that I can't go to JOJO WORLD. QQ I really have a knack for getting into things too late.

My personal ranking: 2>5>3>4>1>6. This is just personal favoritism xD Each part has their own strengths and weaknesses and the writing in later parts is better as Araki has really matured as a mangaka and writer. But Part 2 is amazing. Period. I will not have it any other way. Special mention goes to this guy for simultaneously stealing my heart and *ahem* crushing (sorry) it, I have only cried for him:

He and Joseph should kiss.

2. I got into gaming again! Thank Steam really for letting lots of players save money on not having to buy separate consoles xD I got my brother to help me invest in a good gaming laptop, and it's just lovely. Some of my favorite games:

METAL GEAR RISING: REVENGEANCE

I got to experience Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance and my god it's a MASTERPIECE. The OST also is just *chef's kiss*. The composer really did a great job with the music. The animation that plays every time Raiden uses Zandatsu is an absolute joy to watch xD My brother introduced this game to me through the memes, and he immediately regretted it when it was all I could talk about for a while xD But god slicing a Metal Gear in two while Rules of Nature plays in the background, how can you not squee?! xD

Mind you this is the tutorial boss xD I highly recommend this game, pure unadulterated adrenaline rush xD It’s so over-the-top and unapologetic, and just damn cool.

SEKIRO: SHADOWS DIE TWICE

I also beat Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice. And as of now, it's still the best sense of achievement that I got from a game, it's the most difficult game I've ever played and let me tell you guys I'm good friends with the death screen xD

The adrenaline rush I got from beating Genichiro for the first time (and throwing the lightning back at him!!) as well as beating Sword Saint Isshin was unreal. At some point, the gameplay for me clicked, and it was immensely satisfying being able to perfectly parry the enemy's attacks. The clanging of swords is a sound that I absolutely love.

Though fuck Demon of Hatred xD. Joke I love the Sculptor character who I affectionately call 'Sculptor Dad' but come on you had to unlearn the game's combat system just to beat him. I agree that he's more of a Dark Souls boss than a Sekiro one.

Well deserving of 2019 Game of the Year 👏

DEVIL MAY CRY V

So you can probably see by now that I love action and hack and slash games xD I used to play Devil May Cry 3 when I was a teenager and even watched the Madhouse anime, the over-the-top-ness and Dante's quips won me over. Dante’s even the whole reason why I tried strawberries and now I love them xD So! It was only natural that I wanted to play DMCV, and I wasn't disappointed.

There’s a total of 4 characters you can play as, each with their own SSStylish gameplay, and I had lots of fun just sending the demons into the air while the extremely enthusiastic cast cheers me on xD

Also V is that Edgy Guy who’s a hit with the ladies xD My brother hates him but I adore him. He even said that I’m a sucker for the “starving artist” types xD Well…

HOW CAN I NOT BE A SUCKER QQ That smirk, dear god.

HADES

0:34 sold me haha 😂

You play as this really sexy Prince of Hell with daddy issues.

While Sekiro would frustrate me sometimes with constantly dying, every time I died in Hades it encouraged me to keep on playing, as whenever you die it actually advances the plot and unlocks new dialogue with the various characters, who are based on Greek mythology. If anything the game encourages you to die xD There was a time I was so determined to make it to the surface and when I did it was the next morning already xD

The art by Jen Zee is also just extremely gorgeous, and the OST by Darren Korb (who also voices Zagreus) is amazing. I also recommend Supergiant’s other games Bastion, Transistor, and Pyre. They are one of the best indie game developers out there. They put a lot of heart into their games, which is something a lot of AAA games lack nowadays.

Also I headcanon that Zagreus listens to Coldrain while hacking and slashing through hell. It just seems like a band he would listen to xD

And not to forget, but thank Supergiant for giving the option to romance this really sexy grim reaper xD I'm a sucker for the 'tsundere' types too, and let me tell you every bottle of gifted nectar and ambrosia was worth it. When he finally realized his feelings weren't unnecessary I squeeed.

DISCO ELYSIUM

Last but not least, an underrated gem.

Disco Elysium is one of those games that shouldn’t exist, and boy am I glad that it does.

It’s a choose your adventure game in which you play as a detective trying to solve a murder case with your partner, all the while getting to know the seaside town of Martinaise. Which once you get to explore it, isn't really that big and yet somehow feels huge, there's a whole fictional history that was created for it and for places outside Martinaise even, the worldbuilding for this game is insane. It also seems very real and similar to our own and yet it's all fictional, I really admire that level of detail.

I actually first heard of this game through an artist I follow on Tumblr, who draws True Detective and Disco Elysium fanart. I adore the first season of True Detective and never knew that MartyxRust does things to me. Read reviews about this so-called "True Detective/The Wire-inspired" game and was sold.

Also the developers really hit it out of the park with Kim Kitsuragi, god I love Kim 😭 One of the best companions that you can have out there. Whenever I felt bad and by extension made my player character feel bad (the game is choice-based, there's even an achievement called 'World's Sorriest Cop' xD), Kim would always be helpful and encouraging and god just the sweetest.

The humor in the game is also something I just found so charming, and the voice acting is perfect for every character, I find myself having fun mimicking the voices a lot. I kept pestering my brother to play this game, and his Evrart Claire impression is so spot-on, I myself like to impersonate the Fritte clerk with my 'm'kays' xD

Oh, and you can start a nightclub at a church. And believe me when you experience this scene in the game, it is glorious.

3. I had one of those 'happiest days in your life' moments: I went to see the GazettE's MASS final concert in Japan!! And the crazy thing is I specifically flew in just to see them, I was there in Japan for the concert and went home the next day. At the time I had booked my airline ticket thinking I would still be clocking in to my old job on Monday and well, I never thought I would quit xD

And silly me never thought that even Japanese trains could be late (the local trains at least), I was almost late to the 05:30 PM assembly time xD

By the time I got to the Budokan I was confused by the lack of banners and signs at the entrance at first, then I saw this procession of people in black heading to MASS (ha) and just knew. xD

And I thought I was the only one silly enough to fly to another country for a concert, then I heard Mandarin, English, Spanish in the crowd and thought: 'ah, music really brings people together'. It was beautiful.

Seeing the bouquet with the 'From overseas fans (Overseas fans より)' made me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Too shy to take my own picture xD But glad to know I'm not the only one extremely happy to be there.

I tried to take a picture of this Uruha banner and it just kept flapping in the wind like Uruha during the heavier songs, so I just gave up xD

The setlist for that night, when they played Miseinen (未成年) I think I started tearing up QQ Frankly the whole night was so surreal I couldn't stop thinking about what I experienced on my way back to the hotel. And I stayed at a capsule hotel for the first time! Specifically this one.

The song they played after the concert was an instrumental version of Knockin' On Heaven's Door, and it was absolutely lovely. They even teased a trailer for a new release next year(!!) and a trailer for their Christmas concert A HYMN OF THE CRUCIFIXION ver.2

Their trailers are needless to say, cinematic. I'm sad that they removed all their older trailers off YouTube though :(

As of writing this, there are still stuff I want to share and fangirl about, but unfortunately I have to wake up to a job tomorrow xD If I could, I'd spend my days just doing what I love and not having to deal with stupidity at work. I just want to say I'm glad that there are things in life to enjoy and make going through the daily grind even just a bit easier :)

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[trailmixedup]

I’m having thoughts again. I am frustrated and angry right now because how hypocritical my treatment has been from my dad’s girlfriend. I don’t think she takes any of my diagnoses seriously. Our neighbors kids are both autistic, and they scream or curse at us sometimes when we are outside making overstimulating noise or they’re frustrated for some reason or another. It’s completely understandable, obviously, they’re having big emotions and have little in the way of a filter or identifiable outlet. Her response to this is overwhelming understanding and care. She is quick to assure their parents that she gets it and that there’s no hard feelings or whatever. But when I, someone who only found out I had autism a year ago, has trouble responding appropriately to big emotions or communicating in a proper way she flips her fucking shit. I have only been learning how to regulate instead of repress and then explode for a year. I have only been working through 18 years of trauma from being undiagnosed, isolated, vilified and in constant repression and fear of my big emotions for a year. It’s not fair that she’s allowed to put on the mask of understanding and empathy around other people and then when I act autistic in any way she loses her mind and makes threats towards my dad and isolates me further. I genuinely wonder if she even believes that I am autistic or if she thinks I’m lying for attention or some bullshit like that. I’m trying my absolute hardest to conduct myself appropriately and have mature and collected emotional responses to situations that trigger me, but it’s never enough because I still slip up sometimes and god forbid she actually has to tolerate an autistic person in her house.

The thing is I can’t even try and talk through this with her because she’s literally not gonna accept that I’m trying to address a problem. She’s going to accuse me of making excuses for myself and make herself the victim of my “bullying behavior” like she has continually. Nothing she says or does could possibly be wrong, she’s the eXpErT on mental health and knows everything about every imaginable situation. She’s not open to changing her behavior or taking feedback, she literally just wants subservience and unquestioning obedience to everything she says.

I’m so tired of this. I want her to leave forever, but my dad would be sad if she did and then he would blame me. I literally have less than 10 months until I can transfer colleges, but apparently I’m too much of a problem to handle until then. I’m just difficult to be around and reactive and aggressive and pissy. Everything is Pigeons fault because he can’t figure out how to be a neurotypical mind reader with unfailing obedience and unending patience. Everything will always be Pigeons fault because he’s just terrible and selfish like that.

[gnarlymetalghost]

okay so my boyfriend broke up with me (for reasons that feel dumb to me but are very real for someone who has anxiety), i convinced him to just go on a break, blah blah blah we talked again and i think i fucked it up royally because i told him he was being immature about it. i need to apologize to him but i’m worried that the more i talk to him, the less there will be to save. i’m just gonna write it down here instead.

i’m sorry i said that you were being immature. i’m a lot like my dad and i have a lot of tendencies towards black and white thinking. it seems immature to me, but the anxiety about making the right decisions is so real.

for me, i don’t think anyone is the right choice. any number of people can be the right choice. i think that if you find someone who you want to have experiences with, that’s enough. you have to choose that person, with all of their issues and assets. and it’s stupid and terrible because there’s always gonna be a voice in the back of your head that’s saying “did i make the right choice? did sierra make the right choice?” but it doesn’t matter, it’s a good enough choice for right now.

the culture we live in and grew up in is stupid but we can’t escape it and we’re living with the programming, as hard as we’re trying to escape it. i’m not holding you to forever. i’m not holding you for eternity. i think i would if you let me, but i don’t know if i’ve seriously considered marrying you. it could be fun, but i’m not thinking about it because that’s not where we are yet. i’m enjoying life with you right now. that’s enough. if you’re scared about a future, i’m just holding you to tomorrow. and we take it day by day. the pressure you’re putting on yourself is unfair, i wish you could let yourself be casual about it.

there’s a lot of language that’s thrown around about it that weigh really heavy on people in our situation. “when you know you know” is comforting to some people but to me it feels like when someone says “you’ll know when you feel the spirit.” how? is it heightened emotions or is it god? do i love you or am i horny? and what is love? because i don’t feel butterflies for you all the time. sometimes i feel scared we’re running out of things to talk about. and then i get stressed because is that real or is it because my period is about to start? but then i’m laying in bed scrolling through tiktok and all i can think about is sending them to you and texting you about how crazy my grandma is and asking if you wanna watch saw x when i see you next. relationships ebb and flow but they take work. i want to put in the work.

i’m sorry that it feels like i’m throwing away a friendship for the both of us. i have had big feelings for you for a long time, and i understand how that’s scary for you. time and time again we’ve had this conversation about whether or not we should date, and i sacrificed myself to maintain the status quo. i didn’t want to lose you, i didn’t want you to lose me. but in doing so, you’ve never known what it’s like when i’m not around. i keep creating an environment where you don’t lose anything but i feel like the world is crumbling. i thought i was being mature because it take a big person to stay friends with someone they love, but maybe i’m just not a big person. maybe it’s not the mature thing for me to do when i let myself hurt so much so that you stay. maybe the mature thing is to finally let us both feel the loss. and if i can survive it and it’s permanent, then it is what it is. these boundaries i set were not an easy decision because there’s comfort in the pain of keeping you around on your terms, and i already fucking miss you.

i don’t give up on things. i’ve 100%ed every video game i’ve ever played, i’ve never given up on a book no matter how long it takes me, and i’ve finished every movie i’ve ever started. it’s probably an annoying trait. but by god i haven’t given up on you yet and im not going to now. i want to work through this. and every time we do this stupid dance, we always end up closer than before, despite my best efforts. i wanted to keep you at arms length but you ended up in my arms instead. i said it before but i maintain my conviction: the attraction, our friendship, and being a health partnership is a good enough reason to continue this path, regardless of if it’s right or not. i still think it’s too soon to tell, even for me, as happy as i’ve been for the last two months.

but if it’s just not going to work, i’m gonna miss you. some of my favorite things were when you put your arms around me at the Collective Soul concert. i was still nervous that you weren’t attracted to me, and it made me feel good that you wanted to be close with all of those people around. i’m gonna miss watching movies. film analysis while holding hands is my love language. i’m gonna miss my hands in the hair on the back of your neck, i’m gonna miss seeing you play the bass, i’m gonna miss being able to simply glance at you and know that you thought of the exact same joke that i did without even saying it out loud. you don’t know if you’ll be in love with me, and that’s okay. because even if you were never in love with me, i think these things were love. i don’t think love is as deep as the people around us make it out to be. i think that love is the act of choosing.

if this is permanent and we don’t stay together, the door is always open. i’ll always want you around if you want to come back. inversely, if i get over you and can broach the topic of being friends without feeling the heartache, i hope you’ll leave that door open for me.

i’m sorry again, for all of it. thank you again, for all of it.

[mothrcobain]

vent incoming; triggering shit, lack of proper punctuation, you don't have to read this.

I fucking hate my life, i want to die, I've been having so so many suicidal thoughts and urges but I've never been able to cut because I'm not allowed privacy. I feel like I'm running out of time, my heart is in my throat every single second, i can never relax, i always feel like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown and I desperately need one but this one thought always fucks me up, "what if they know" and I would rather kill myself over living than let them know that I'm not okay. My mother, although decent at times, is manipulative, makes me feel like shit, fat shames me, shames me for not knowing something I never studied. I can never feel calm around my family. My biggest problem is my dad, I'm basically fatherless with a sperm donor. He's NEVER, NEVER at home; he's always out on the roads, hanging out with women that he's probably shagging, throwing the little money we have on fucking clothes and my mother ALWAYS fucking defends him by saying "oh he just works so hard for us that he isn't home usually" and I hate it because clearly, when he's not working, he's NEVER home and he doesn't even try to conceal the fact that he throws away the money we don't really have on fucking clothes while he hasn't bought his only daughter (i have an older brother) ANY clothes for the past 5+ years. I already have more than enough to deal with (my own ignored mental health, my issues, my grades, school etc) and to be a good friend, I always try to be there for everyone and make everyone happy but I've got to reach my breaking point sometime, have I not? I'm the therapist friend, I'm the mom friend, I'm the mature friend always; I ALWAYS help the people I call friends when they're sad but I never share my issues with anyone just because I think I'm a burden and for the past 4 years, I've bottled all my shit up and just swallowed my depression down to help the others. I'm so fucking tired of life, i wanna die, i seriously am on the verge of just doing it at this point. I have so many undiagnosed mental health issues which are CLEARLY present in me and when I try to communicate them, I'm always shut down and said to be a silly little kid because apparently, people under the age of 150 don't have problems.

Well, here's my whole ordeal: I've been abused, raped (i have a history with sa), manipulated and assaulted (domestic violence) all my life and I was raised religiously but I didn't agree with the religion I was raised in so I was an atheist for a long time and then I finally fucking found a religion that I agreed with and in which the gods and participants actually accepted me for who I was and now, everyone hates me because i fit into a ‘taboo’ religion. I'm demisexual, I find comfort in macabre and sin, I own my fucking sexuality, I like girls more than men, I use she/they pronouns and I'm a goth witch.” she sighs, “i'm a hopeless romantic and I have BPD, ADHD, insomnia, maladaptive daydreaming, psychosis, chronic depression, sociopathy and anxiety. I'm disgustingly selfless and I cut myself. I was neglected since I was a child. I'm a burntout gifted kid. My dad cheated on my mom and ever since I was 2 fucking years old, I had to endure all of their arguments and be their confidant all of the time when none of them supported me. I was expected to be perfect and always at the top of my class when it was always clear I'm more creative than academic. I was bullied all my school life and I had no fucking friends. I was too nice so everyone used me and I just went along because I cared for them and not for me. Because of all this, I am literally incapable of accepting healthy and nice connections. I'm not used to good physical touch, i always lean away from a hug and give them a nasty stare like "wtf are you doing" because I'm so ruined that i haven't ever received nice physical touch. I need extreme reassurance because I will always believe I am doing it wrong. Disgusting trust issues, I hear these fucking voices and shit which everyone believes to be an affect of the light, I'm undiagnosed when i clearly exhibit every symptom.

I hate this.

[babaynganaybuhok]

CHAPTER IN LIFE

In my elementary it was all about fun and love from my family. All I care was, when can I play with my friends. Sometimes my mother wants me to sleep instead of playing outside with friends every afternoon. I grew up with frail small body and easily got sick so they want me to stay at home. As a kid I always do what I want. My dad on the other hand spoil me with things, he supports me as long as I’m happy about it. One day my mother forbids me to go outside because I was sick, but because of my stubbornness I still go out have fun and play with my friends. I didn’t notice the time, didn’t notice that it was already dark. As a kid with strict parents, I already trembling in fear, that time I started to overthink, thinking what I could do so my mother won’t scold me. Before I could do the escape, my mother arrived and search for me immediately, she scolded me in front of my friends. I rarely go out from that day on, I feel embarrassed that my mother scold me in front of my friends. It was a summer vacation when I need to visit my grand parents in our province in Bohol. I didn’t like visiting in our province, it was hot and less friends, I only know some people especially some elderly in our province. when I get back, I didn’t feel to go out anymore. From that day I always stay at my room to spent time with a phone.

When I graduated elementary and entering the life of a high school student, I became introvert. Even though I have a poor social skill because of my shyness, there are always classmates of mine want to make friends. Entering the high school life, I decided to stay lowkey. But I wonder how I became that loud friend who punch a guy because he disrespected my friend. I still remember how I make a guy cry because of my punch still I’m thinking that it was not that hard, maybe he didn’t experience being punch that’s why he cried. But to the topic that I became the loudest classmate that they can have. My high school life was not the best, but thinking what I’ve done that time I rather distract my self by studying than thinking that chaotic and embarrassing moment of my life. Of course, I also remember how I fell to this one classmate of mine because they showed and make me feel something that I thought I couldn’t feel to someone. It was a puppy love, of course it didn’t last long.

Now that I’m in my senior student days. I can feel that I became mature. I can say that being a senior high student is the best, especially when I’m with my friends. I Learned a lot in this day. I can take care of my needs or wants because I know how to save money. This days I’m too shy to ask my sister to buy me things, I just feel I didn’t grew up enough to learn how to get things.to be honest it’s hard to save allowance is only 50 pesos, and I have to pay for the ride which is 10 pesos, now I only have 40 pesos to buy snack. I always think that being a student is like having a job. All I have to do is listen to my teachers lesson, and I got paid for the day. Maybe being a student isn’t far from having office work.

Now that I'm looking back, I want to laugh and cry because of embarrassment. Even after that I was so proud of my self for reaching this moment. I also have some hardship and struggles but thankfully I encounter them successfully. I Learn some Things, that makes me what I am today.

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!