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#but i do value having them in the rotation of days i like that that's part of my yearly experience
fumifooms · 4 months
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Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.
His grey hairs are so earned
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#Chilchuck tims#dungeon meshi#analysis#HAPPY CHILCHUCK DAY#You know what yeah understandable have a good day#Alcohol be a ticket straight to chilling out town I suppose#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Thinking on if I should split my family masterpost into diff posts for max reach hmm#Anyways I’m def editing in the second page into that post that “I’ve got three people to think of here” sounds sooo much like that’s#How he’d think about it in a family setting as well. He works so hard for them 🥺#I could have put 100 pics on this post to justify everything I mentioned but this is a speedrun for a reason. I’m planning so many#Compilations rn i need a break from rereading lol#He’s just here to do his work!! He just wanna do his work!!!#I’m always rotating him in my brain like rotisserie chicken :( Hopefully this doesn’t sound disjointed or insane to average readers#He’s always on his guard so he has a short fuse and his type of humor & liking for snarky remarks doesn’t help#Also bc he knows nothing lasts he has a very work hard play hard mentality where ‘dying doing something you love. Like drinking’#Is nice in his opinion#This post makes it all sound so dry. Chilchuck is so messy thinking about him is thrilling I swear. This is concise but at what cost…#OH ALSO he has weird self-hate issues where he really values his skills but devalues himself on a personal level.#‘I am a coward. I only care about myself. I cheated on my wife (lying for no reason)’ etc etc#Can’t disappoint people and make them leave you if they already have no expectations and esteem of you 😏💡
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notjanine · 9 months
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spent the summer prepping for and taking the worst exam of my life, riding out the lease at the worst place i've ever lived,* then being temporarily kinda homeless,** and getting dozens and dozens of job applications rejected. i had some fun in there, but my anxiety has been through the fucking roof on top of my regular summer depression.
then the last two weeks of august happened 😳
everything happens so much. somehow, i managed to find the perfect apartment for a reasonable rent, and now me and Books are living (together!) in a fantastic and charming new home- lots of space, big kitchen table, a balcony facing undeveloped woods, just off one of the major roads in the city that has my favorite grocery store and our favorite sandwich shop (where we were already regulars). plus, i've gotten not one, not two, but three (three!) job offers- and i can take them all!!! one is with a hospital where i did my favorite internship rotation, and i'm so excited that i get to go back there and get paid to do that job, it was a blast. another is right by my new place and it's similar to the other hospital, but it's slightly bigger and sees more complex cases, so i'll be comfortable and confident, but i'll still get some new, specific clinical experience in areas that i'm interested in.
and the third position is... literally my dream job. it's the job that's been the end goal since the moment i chose my field of study. grad school and the internship made me rethink all of my professional goals and push them back, thinking i wouldn't be able to get to them for so long because i'd need ~more experience~. but now i'm. uh. i did it. i did it??!
the two hospital jobs are just part time, but they both pay well. the other won't start for a few months bc my boss*** has to get insurance approval to add me to her private practice,**** but that's okay, because i have a lot of reading and learning i want to do in the meantime to prepare! and then it will start as part time working up to full time as i build up my case load, but i'll also get to decide my own hours and do some work from home. i'll get to work with my favorite kinds of patients! and i'll get fantastic professional development opportunities for specialization, if i want to. the other dietitians in the practice seem lovely, so i'm excited to work with them. and the pay is realllly good, gosh, for being fresh out of the internship, it's nuts.
so things will pick up as i go through orientation and onboarding for the two hospital jobs next month. but it'll get calmer again after that, so i'll have the time and energy to prepare for the more challenging work that starts later, which is really nice.
and in the meantime, i'll be tending the wee garden on my balcony and playing board games with the love of my life 💗
#* all of my windows faced a wall. the walls were so thin i heard a neighbor yawn once#my air conditioner literally broke ten (10) times in three months. they just stopped fixing it. i just didn't have ac. in june. in texas.#** like i was fine i stayed in an airbnb for a week and then with Books which was not ideal bc they were in a 200 sq ft studio but hey#*** this woman is... something else. she was also one of my preceptors during my internship#on my first day with her we went over the assignments i had the option to do and one of them was about my main terrible chronic illness#and i mentioned oh yeah i am very familiar with that bc i have it. and this woman. was EXCITED#like she was interested in and valued my perspective as a sick person. which is wild#also that was my last rotation and i got really sick during that time. i had a flare up and didn't finish any of my assignments on time!!#bc of that illness! which she is now familiar w bc i did an assignment about it! and yet. and yet#SHE reached out to ME months later to be like. hey i have this position open if you want to apply here's the link :)#and then i had to interview with her and she did not pull any punches it was the longest interview i've had and she asked killer questions#and at one point she asked the question. what do YOU bring to this profession w YOUR perspective. and i just...#i said fuck it i went for it i answered honestly and said i'm autistic and autistic ppl understand each other in ways nts don't#(but like. framed intelligently w references to published research and good resources)#and you have autistic clients already and you will have more in the future bc all of us are weird about food!#and. she hired me. this woman knows i am 1. physically disabled and 2. autistic#and she hired me anyway. scream. remarkable woman. i want to know more about her.#and i don't want her to regret her decision so i gotta be on the ball!#**** it's private practice but the boss the one whose practice it is she's on a soft maternity leave so she's not seeing clients rn#so she's managing the practice. and on top of that there's also one woman who's job is just admin and insurance and billing etc#so after i finish the onboarding paperwork (almost done already) i won't have like... any more boring paperwork#it's a private practice job and i don't have to worry about billing which is the nightmare everyone dreads. incredible INCREDIBLE#ANYWAY gosh. it's all a lot! but good!#oh AND it's Books' birthday next week!!!!! we're gonna go out with their family one night then with their friends then just us#and i know exactly what i'm gonna wear (a tiny slutty dress) and i just got their gift (which i know they'll like) so everything is so !!!
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rainyvandragon · 3 months
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Oh those precious memories~
See I could tell myself that it's okay that I'm writing this because I am a catholic woman but let's be real those things just aren't true any more. So instead I am going to claim this as an emotional craving because of that time of the month. Definitely nothing along the lines of 10 year revival of my fanfiction writing phase. And it's totally, in no way related to any issues I might have. Totally sane, I tell you.
! 18+ Minors do not interact, I am NOT a fckn daycare!
Yandere! Hazbin Hotel x GN! Reader
Content warning: obsessive behaviour, stalking, slight NSFW (more in some parts then others), just a bunch of red flags and things that I do not condone irl
Charlie:
Honestly Charlie might be the most sane of the bunch in this regard
She isn't to interested in stealing anything from you, that is just not something she would be comfortable with – in general but especially with her Darling
However she doesn't mind keeping things that you let her borrow
It doesn't even matter what
You gave her a hair tie because one of hers broke? She'll cherish it forever
It was raining on a day she had to go out and you suggested she could use your umbrella? Pretty much hers now
Of course the greatest thing for her would be you lending her some of your clothes
She would most likely spend the next nights cuddling up to it in bed
Oh the frustration when the fabric no longer smells like you but rather her!
Yeah sure, she can give you your things back. She just forgot them in her room, oops! Don't worry she'll get them later
Unless she forgets again...
Vaggie:
She would never take anything you truly need or value
In all seriousness, Vaggie could never stand the idea of inconveniencing her Darling
However unlike Charlie she is just not close enough with you (yet) to count on you giving things to her
So instead she uses the position she has in the Hotel
There was a movie night with everybody invited?
Well somehow ever since the clean up the blanket you were cuddled up in is gone. Oh well, Vaggie will just get a new one, they weren't that expensive to begin with anyway (and if she is fast enough with it nobody is even going to notice anything)
Sadly those lucky occasions that allow her to grab some reminders of your shared time don't come around to often
And Vaggie respects you and herself to much to steal from you or go through your garbage bin
Thankfully she has the patience to wait for those windows of opportunity
And hey, since everything went relatively smoothly this week why not suggest another movie night to Charlie? Everyone involved seemed to enjoy it anyway – so there really is no harm done, right?
Angel:
Anybody who immediately thought of Angel stealing his Darling's underwear needs to take a cold shower!
Now don't get me wrong – he has thought about it
He does have a relatively high drive and desire for intimacy and sex
So sure the idea of taking something rather personal from you did cross his mind
But deep down Anthony just is a little sweetheart and he just couldn't take something like your underwear or other intimate items from you without any sort of consent
As for other, less private things
It doesn't matter if Angel and you have the same of different sizes – he WILL steal your clothes and wear them
If you wear make-up or nail polish he will definitely “borrow” things – especially lipstick
Now if his Darling is somebody who likes to keep a lot of pillows or plushies in bed he is definitely not shy about taking things from that pile either. Although, depending on how well Darling keeps track of those things, he might only borrow them for a night or two – maybe rotating between some, making sure to leave them under the bed upon returning so it looks like it just fell off the mattress
Alastor:
Now Alastor is already rather torn apart when he first noticed his desire for your belongings
He never once though about stealing from you...until you forgot something in the lobby – a book, notebook, pen, whatever it was – it was just lying there on the table next to the couches
Ever the gentleman he obviously wanted to return it to you but something inside of him fought against the very idea of it. This might be the closet he gets to having you (at least for now), his Darling
As his obsession towards you continues to grow some of his past life's interests stir awake inside of him
One day whilst helping out you cut yourself on some damaged bit of furniture. Alastor is immediately there to offer you a handkerchief to stop the bleeding – a handkerchief that quickly becomes one of his most prised possessions
If his Darling has a period he might steal some...used goods
However in comparison to some of the others, he is a lot less hungry for souvenirs
Although that is really just because, unlike them, he can use his shadows to be around you whenever and as close as he pleases
Husk:
Husk would never just go into his Darling's room to steal things from them – even if the idea sounds lovely
No instead he just checks for things you leave behind
Now his job at the hotel really helps him with that
You almost exclusively talk at the bar (“Redemption Based Group Exercises” being the only real exception)
At this point he has a rather large collection of napkins that you used or doodled on
Sometimes they disgust him but then he looks at them, the little doodles (even just to test a pen) you left on some of them, all those marks of you (bonus points for lipstick stained napkins) and he just can't
The guilty feelings are even worse with a tissue you once cried it. It's just to close of a reminder of you to throw away!
Anything small that you forget at or close to the bar gets saved by him – pens, small pieces of paper, hair ties, buttons from your clothes, whatever really. If it's small and unimportant enough for you to not really miss it he is going to keep it
Nifty:
Nifty is easily the worst of them all
She is small, fast, obsession driven and the hotel's maid on top of that
What matters most to her is how close to your body her little mementos are (it's pretty much the same way in wish the catholic church determines the value of a saint's relic)
Nifty will most definitely collect hair out of your brush
Or rummage through your garbage bins
Now if somebody is going to steal used period products!
She just really doesn't value her Darling's privacy in the slightest so she has no issues going through every little crevice of your room to look for some “hidden treasures”
Although her favourite thing to do is sleep in your used bedsheets
She is going to wash them – don't worry! Simply just not without first sleeping in them herself for a bit
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Welp this is the first time in a long while that I've actually written fanfiction so I got those emotions to sort through I guess.
English is not my first language however given how arrogant I can be regarding my skills this should be well enough written. Prove reading was done by Open Office's spell checking system and my high ass.
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krisp-xyz · 10 months
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Was experimenting with halftone effects after watching this video and it almost has spiderverse vibes honestly. I actually learned some neat things about why printers use CMYK instead of just CMY so I thought I'd share !!
So in our optimal little computer space, Cyan (0,255,255), Magenta (255,0,255) and Yellow (255,255,0) all multiplied together gives us a perfect black (0,0,0) Awesome! The issue is that ink colors irl arent exactly perfect like this, and color is a bit more complicated irl compared to how computers represent it, so they aren't the greatest at combining into black if they aren't those perfect CMY values:
Left: CMY
Right: CMYK
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(thats not even black, its a dark blue in the original image but dark colors just look so much richer)
An important step to make sure you arent doubling up on the black values though is to divide the image by it's own "value" (the max of all 3 color channels) that way the value is equal to 1 everywhere, and you're letting the black ink take care of the value on its own.
Left: CMY (normalized value)
Middle: K (black)
Right: Combined
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Now obviously the grids of dots cant be aligned perfectly with each other because you'd just get a bunch of black dots in unwanted areas, but if the grids are misaligned, then some dots become more prominent than others which tints the whole image. This was an issue because older printing methods didn't have great accuracy and these grids were often misaligned.
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The solution was to rotate these grids such that they can move around freely while getting rid of that tint effect if they aren't perfectly aligned :D
(I have no idea how they came up with these angles but that might be something to look into in the future who knows)
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SPEAKING OF MISALIGNMENT
I wanted to implement that in my own filter to get some cool effects, and I discovered another reason CMYK is better than CMY for lots of stuff !!
With CMY, you're relying on the combination of 3 color channels to make the color black. This means if you have thin lines or just details in general, misalignment can make those details very fuzzy. Since CMYK uses a single color of ink to handle value, it reduces color fringing and improves clarity a lot even if you have the exact same misalignment as CMY!
Left: CMY
Right: You guessed it! CMYK
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(yes these comparisons have the exact same color misalignment, the only difference is using a fourth ink color for black)
ANYWAY I just thought there was a lot of cool information in this tiny little day project, I also just think it looks really neat and wanted to share what I learned :3c
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EDITING BECAUSE THERE'S ONE MORE THING I WANTED TO ADD
So, I talked about how to get K in addition to CMY instead of just CMY, but how exactly do you separate CMY from an image in the first place?
Well, CMY is a subtractive color space, meaning the "absence of color" is white, compared to RGB where it's black. This makes sense because ofc ink is printed on white paper. You can use dot product to get the "similarity" between two vectors, and this can be used to separate RGB actually! Using the dot product of a color and red (255,0,0) will give you just the red values of the image. This is cool though because if we get the dot product of our image and the color cyan (0,255,255), we can get the cyan values from our image too! If we first divide our colors by their value to separate the value from them, then separate CMY using those dot product values, and using K for our final black color value, our individual color passes end up looking like this:
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While it's called a "subtractive" color space, I find it more intuitive to treat white as the absence of color here, and then multiply all these passes together. It makes it much easier to understand how the colors are combined imo. Notice how cyan is the opposite of red: (255,0,0) vs (0,255,255) and magenta and yellow are the opposites of green and blue respectively! This means you can actually kinda get away with separating the RGB values and just inverting some stuff to optimize this, but this example is much more intuitive and readable so I won't go too deep into that. THANKS FOR READING I know it's a very long post but I hope people find it interesting! I try my best to explain things in a clear and concise way :3
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oh thank you I realized I should probably add an eyestrain tag
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highvern · 2 months
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Sales Pitch
Pairing: Moon Junhui x fe!reader
Genre: Smut, 21+
Warnings: dom reader, sub/brat jun, anal sex (m. receiving), pegging, oral (m & f receiving), degradation, sex toys, impact play, breath play, freak deakys fr!!!
Length: 3.6k
Note: for my bestie @wenjunehui i hope its all you dreamed of and more pookie
Remember: Tumblr runs on reblogs and I run on validation in the tags and comments :)
Part II
read more here
This blog is intended for 18+ only! Minors/blank blogs will be blocked!
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“Do you think these make my boobs look big?”
You turn to find Jun modeling the new shipment of nipple clamps over his shirt, the metal chain glinting across his chest from each peaked bud. His hands lift behind his head to further highlight the adornment.
“Gigantic.” You quip, diving back into the box filled with an assortment of lube.
In the six months you’ve been working at Bad Kittyz, you’ve discovered more about your coworker's weird fetishes than you really should. 
Even in snippets of conversation with customers, you hear him recommend toys and gadgets like he’s tried them all. Products that haven’t moved off the shelf since you started and look like they’ve sat there even longer than that he talks about like old friends. The day Jun discussed the installation of a sex swing with a woman pushing sixty you came to the conclusion the sex dungeon under his apartment must be stocked beyond belief.
A crash from behind you makes you turn, finding Jun stumbling as he struggles into a harness.
“What are you doing?”
“We got these strap ons and—”
Cutting him off, you eye him with confusion. “I can see that but why are you trying it on? You have a dick.”
“Sorry I like to give our customers my most informed opinion.” Jun rolls his eyes, going back to fidgeting with the straps.
“Please don’t say that.” You wince. “Not when you sold that sex machine yesterday.”
“What do you mean? You don’t think we should try the products before selling them?”
You blush at the implication that he’s tried everything he’s sold. Including the sex machine.
“I didn’t say that. But you don’t even need a strap.”
“I’m not gonna sell it without first hand knowledge.”
“I think that means you should get pegged then.” You sniff, turning back to your work.
You don’t want to be honed into his body. Every breath, every creak of the old floor boards as he moves closer. Even the heat of his body against your back wouldn’t register under normal circumstances but now it's overwhelming. 
Jun seems hell bent on making it even worse.
“Is that an offer?”
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An entire day of preparation only serves to fan the flames of nervousness. Wrinkled laundry from weeks ago gets folded, every dish you own sits spotless in the cabinets; you’ve even lint rolled your couch. It’s more than you’ve done for any hookup before and it makes you jitter with embarrassment. 
The day barely dips into the afternoon by the time you're done. It gives you too much time to think. Your bedroom is off limits. Already prepped with fresh sheets, towels, and condoms. If you have to see the set up you might start scratching at the walls.
A shot of liquor helps take the edge away. Just enough you can sit on the couch without shaking out of your skin. But not enough to stop you from rotating through the same apps over and over in hopes a distraction will take your brain away from thoughts of Jun bent over the edge of your bed with his ass displayed.
When he finally arrives, you nearly puke. Because now its real and you’re about to fuck your hot coworker with a fake cock like its just another normal Thursday for him.
Jun smiles as you open the front door. It’s innocent at face value, only the edges tilting into something fouler. 
“What's up?”
“Please don’t try to act casual.” You warn, stepping aside so he can enter.
“No idea what you’re talking about.”
He flings himself onto the couch and somehow manages to still look hot despite the awkward angle of his limbs. The bag full of contraband sits on the floor, unassuming despite carrying a menagerie of who knows what. 
Crossing your arms in faux nonchalance, you nod towards the opposite end of your apartment. “Bathroom’s down the hall.”
“Okay?”
“Listen, it's not that I don’t trust you.” You sigh. It's a lie. You trust him as far as you can throw him. For all you know that tote bag could have cuffs and collars and a sex swing tucked away. “But I’m about to be closer to your ass than should be legal so I want to make sure.”
“Fine.” Jun shrugs, slipping past you while removing his shirt. “Are you coming too?”
The broad expanse of his back disappears behind the bathroom door. A creak preceding the patter of the shower vaguely registers in your brain still operating a mile behind. You don’t follow immediately, unwilling to bear to witness what he needs to get done. And maybe you want him to sweat for it, knock him off balance the same way you’ve been since he asked for this. 
But after a few minutes your feet move you his way, clothes falling with each step closer to the cracked door. But not before you snag the bottle of lube out of his bag. You’re almost disappointed by the lack of oddities beyond the strap on.
The hum of his voice bubbles behind the curtain. You find him lathered up when you duck into the stall, foamy tendrils lacing across his back and down his legs. 
“Wow, you don’t waste any time.” He jokes, turning over his shoulder to spot the bottle still squeezed tight in your palm.
Shouldering past him into the spray, you scoff.  “You asked me to pop your cherry and now you’re complaining?”
Jun doesn’t respond, scrubbing at his skin while following the streams of water webbing over your chest. You don’t object when he pulls you into his orbit, following until your mouths meet with ease. The nudge against your thigh feels juvenile against what you’re about to do but it doesn't stop you from taking advantage. 
Water doesn’t provide the smoothest glide but Jun doesn’t seem to mind, bucking into the catch of your palm. He turns pliant with a lazy swipe against his slit and a lick between his teeth. His shoulders shelter you from the downpour as you turn him, slowly dropping down until you’re face to face with his cock. 
Blinking lazily, you tongue where he leaks against your fingers, glowing at the twitch muscles across his stomach. Steam shrouds around his face but it can't hide the grind of his jaw.
“Good?” 
Jun nods, hands limp at his side. Finding the bottle again, your fingers shine with excess as you reach underneath and glide them across his ass. You suck him down to soften the stretch but Jun doesn’t so much as flinch when your finger slips in without resistance.
Popping off his cock, your eyebrow arches. “Have you done this before?”
“Umm,” he swallows, pinking from the neck up. “Define ‘this’?”
“Had fingers in your ass.”
He hesitates; bashful despite still being stretched over your knuckle. “Yes.”
“Wow, and here I thought I was special.”
Jun’s rebuttal is lost to a groan, ripped out by the curve of your throat against the head of his cock. The timidity of taking his first time evaporates through your veins, replaced by the hunger to be the best he’ll ever get.
A second finger proves little challenge either and you almost pull back to goad him but one glance at Jun’s face hints he might cum if you degrade him too much. Instead, you take the satisfaction of his taste on your tongue as a win and keep curling your fingers until his hips kick.
“More lube,” he croaks.
You rush to do what he asks, pouring so much onto your fingers it drips down his legs when you press back in with a third finger. The new stretch has you gagging on him again.
“Fuck yeah. Oh shit.”
Replacing your mouth with a hand, you lap at the raised vein running from his base to his abs. “How big is the dildo you brought?”
His Adam's apple bobs with your next stroke. “I–Mhmmm.”
“Jun, how big is it?”
The water creeps cold and you're about to start humping his leg if you don’t find something new to distract yourself with. So you stop until he answers.
“Small.” 
You reward him with a quick glide but that's all. “Think you’re ready?”
A quick inhale and a nod has you rising to your feet, rinsing off your used hand before turning the faucet and exiting into the chilly air.
“Grab the lub—” 
Jun cuts you off with his mouth. He laps away his own taste, nearly bending you in half with enthusiasm. The idea of lifting your leg and letting him fuck you against the counter whispers in the back of your mind; how easy he can fill you before you take him back to your bed and give him the same treatment. But, just based on how he kisses, you can tell if you indulge now then you’ll be much too tired later.
His stomach bows when your nails find his nipple, scraping the sensitive bud on a whim. Something about the way he responds, whiney and breathless, sends you into a frenzy. 
“Go grab,” a pass of his teeth, “your bag and,” another draw of his tongue. “Meet me in my room.” 
You almost cave to his attempt at drowning you in his affection but you break away, turning back to the shower for the bottle. Jun’s hand ghosts down your spine, fingers digging into the swell of your ass for a second until he dissolves through the door.
Unable to prolong the charade, you follow only a few seconds behind. 
Jun sprawls across your bed like a renaissance painting. Nothing but long limbs and lean muscle. Damp skin shimmering like liquid golden in the light of the singular lamp. One leg bent at the knee, not so subtly bringing your gaze to his length; stiff and sticky against his thigh. The harness rests at the foot of the bed, more daunting than the naked man only feet away.
Tossing the bottle of lube down, you grab the tangle of straps and try to orient yourself. It’s straightforward but the crawl of eyes over your body makes you falter. 
“Stop staring at me.” You bite when you nearly drop the entire thing.
Jun huffs, an arm flinging over his face. “I grabbed the one with a vibe built in. But you can use the normal one if you want.”
You refuse to dwell on the sweetness in such a vulgar scenario. The thick purple vibrator rests next to a smaller black one, both sleek silicone. If he’s offering you equal pleasure you’d be a fool not to take it so you snatch up the larger of the two and set to work. 
The harness shimmies up your hips almost too easily. All it takes is a tug here and a pull there and you’re ready to dick down your hot coworker with a fake cock and too much lube. And its when you notice the ring of plastic on the nightstand.
“What's this?”
You know what it is. Unpacked a box of them a few days ago while he helped a customer pick out a fleshlight. But getting Jun to admit it makes you salivate.
He peeks from behind his hand, eyes dropping to your finger donned with the cock ring. The smirk on your face refuses to be concealed under his view.
“A dick in your ass isn’t enough?” You ask, feigning innocence as you round the bed and sink the cushion under your knees. “Or are you really that much of a freak?”
Jun sinks back. Crawling over him, you plant on his thighs, savoring the twitch of his own cock when you drop the piece of silicon on his stomach. Your fake dick and his real one clash beautifully next to one another. You worry you’ve pushed too far, growing hesitant under his moon eyed gaze.
Raking your nails across his stomach, and Jun finally answers your goad when you reach the crease of his hip.
“I’m—I’m a freak.”
It’s completely silent as you eye one another up. Pupils blown and chest heaving at the cliff you’re about to jump off of.
“Then show me.”
Creeping up his chest, you rest the tip of the strap against the pink of his mouth. He doesn’t miss a beat, leaves no room for any more nerves as he sucks it in, the purple disappearing inch by inch behind his lips. 
You should have known he’d be messy, anticipated the way he drools and moans. But it hits you like you can actually feel any pleasure through the faux extension. Even if you don’t feel physical stimulation, his hands at your ass, pushing your hips until you catch his hint and give a few shallow thrusts of your own, makes your ears ring.
Jun campaigns for gold, swallowing around the intrusion like he loves nothing more than taking cock. Like he could cum like this, untouched, gagging on a fake dick while you watch him.
“Shit,” you curse as his nose meets your stomach, bottoming out in the softness of his throat like he’s sucked more dick than you’d believe.
You curse again when one of his hands drops to find the button that’ll make the end of the cock buried inside you vibrate. Hips rutting into the stimulation, tears bead in his eyes while he chokes. 
Rising away you push him back when he attempts to follow, “Fuck, thats enough. Jesus Christ.”
You find the bottle of lube and the cock ring. Dribbling a generous dose on his cock, you wait until he starts rolling it down.  Jun doesn’t resist the urge to jerk off, knuckles brushing against the spit soaked plastic of the strap.
Tangling your fingers with his own, you squeeze him through a tight fist until he’s kicking. 
“Turn around,” you breathe. “Don’t stop, but if you cum I will.”
He doesn’t tell you that he can’t cum with the new addition but the idea that he is staving off licks up your spine. 
More lube shines across his ass and you slide the head of the dildo through the mess in a tease, barely nudging at his entrance before moving away. The way he attempts to force you in is nothing compared to the curve of his spine when his chest falls to the sheets.
“C’mon,” he whines.
A fist stops him from sinking back, giving him just an inch of pure frustration and nothing more.
“How bad do you want it?”
“So bad.” Jun groans, gifted with another inch of stretch before you stop him again.
Draping over his back, you nip at his earlobe before whispering, “Then ask for it.”
Rising up, you give a harsh tug of hair, a broken cry cracking through the air.
“Please, please, please,” he chants.
Annoyance taints your sigh, sending you back to square one with the fake cock resting between his cheeks. It’s hard to pretend you’re not just as desperate. Between the heaven blessed image of Jun on his knees, begging for cock, and the vibrations making your thighs twitch, you’re nearly on the verge of begging him to fuck you instead.
You squirt more lube, making it messier like some cheap porno. Clean up will suck but right now you don't care.
“Please what?” You sing, hand massaging the lube between his cheeks.
“Please fuck me!”
You don’t wait for more, rewarding the bare minimum by letting him take as much as he wants as fast as he wants it. There’s no way he’s never done this before. Jun rides dick better than you, keeping pace without faltering and rocking with so much enthusiasm you itch for your phone to record such depravity.
Each clap of his ass against your pelvis rocks the toy just right inside you, until you're seizing. Part of you hates he’s getting you off so easily. And you take it out by leaving a red copy of your hand on his ass. 
Jun collapses with a squeak and you follow. Each rut of your hips has him rippling with one of his own, destroyed between the fullness of his ass and the roughness of your sheets against the sensitive tip of his cock. 
“Harder,” he whines.
You try. But few pathetic cants leave him crying for more than you can provide with the angle you’re in. 
Jun’s limbs shoot out when you sit back, scrambling to be full again. He looks over his shoulder, tears in his eyes as he opens his mouth. No doubt to curse you to high heavens for edging him.
“Flip over.”
On autopilot he flips to his back, knees rising to his chest to show off the damage you’ve done. His cock sits wet and aching, stiff in the confines of the cock ring. 
You slip back in, only teasing with more light strokes while working off his confines; the insatiable hunger to see him covered in his own cum infecting your every move. Jun’s lips are bruised, worried between his teeth at ever pass against that spot inside him. It’s worse when you circle his cock. Each jerk in time with your hips sending his head further back into the pillows and baring his throat for whatever marks you want to leave.
But Jun doesn’t crave the sting of your teeth or the plump drag of your tongue. Instead, without an ounce of reserve, he pulls your hand up the dip between his collar bones, blankets your hand with his own, and squeezes.
“You’re such a slut,” you spit, delighting in cutting his next moan off before it can even begin. “Say it. Say you're a slut.”
“I’m a slut!”
“Can’t hear you.”
Flailing under the beratement, Jun groans again. “I’m a slut!”
He’s so easy. So eager to roll in the pleasure and pain you provide. It bleeds through his features, the way his body contorts and his face shifts. It makes you itch to stretch him so far he has no choice but to snap. 
“Are you gonna cum?” Your voice is hopeful. Its all you want. All you need. “Is this all it takes? Getting called a slut with your ass full and you’re ready to blow your load?”
Another violent curl of his back until he’s nearly in half. “Shit, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes!”
This time when you stop, Jun takes over immediately. The tip of his cock peaks through his fist, pearly beads dripping until he seizes. Rope after rope paints his chest, crude gems in the low light. Face twisted in pure agony. He looks like a dream. Like a model in the magazines tucked away in the backroom of the shop. 
The end of the vibrator buried inside you keeps you at a dull hum. You bubble just on the edge of your orgasm but watching Jun twitch and writhe is better than anything you can possibly think of. Except dipping down and lapping away the stains on his skin, sucking his cum coated nipples until he drives you on to your back. 
It takes some maneuvering but he manages to wedge his tongue under the toy and find the patch of nerves like he’s been there a thousand times. 
He laps at your clit, hot and languid and dirty; all while he angles the vibrator buried inside you to bully against your front wall, breaking you into a twitching sweaty mess.
“Fuck, oh fuck—don’t stop.”
Your back curves, spine bending almost in half when Jun sucks and delivers another harsh push bordering on cruel. His free hand lands flat on your chest, forcing your shoulders back into the pillows with ease.
“Please, please, please,” you chant, curling your hips up into Jun’s face. He abandons his previous grips, focusing on guiding your body across his tongue until your thighs spasm.
His groans echo loudly despite his face being buried in your cunt; scorching into your muscles until it hurts. Cruel fingers pluck at your nipples, tugging until you yelp and then pinching some more.  Jun doesn’t stop until you wedge your fingers between your pussy in his mouth, continuing to lick and suck until he opens his eyes and realizes you're swatting him away.
Croaking an intelligible nose, you collapse; only focused on the soaking kisses across your hips and up your breasts. The tickle of Jun’s bangs against your neck don’t even elicit a response. The room spins as you return to your body. Only the weight of the man on top of you keeps you from floating away. 
Later, after another shower that is really only an excuse for some lazy groping and equally lethargic kisses, you cuddle up on the couch. Jun decides your chest is his new home, happily buried between your breasts while the movie drones on in the back. Weed still reeks in the air but it makes the edges hazy, glowing like the sun beats through your veins. 
“Ya know,” Jun whispers into your sternum. “Next week we’re getting ball gags.”
It doesn’t throw you off. Your fingers continue combing through his hair, nails scratching his scalp until goosebumps bloom on his bare back. “Let me guess, you wanna try them out?”
“If you’re offering.”
Your next exhale carries you to sleep. “Only if I get to wear it.”
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@tomodachiii @cvpidyunho @miniseokminnies @ddaengpotate @arycutie @gaebestie @primoppang @gyuguys @mine-gyu @doremifasire @missminhoe @toplinehyunjin @crvs4vldtn @prettygyuuu @horanghaezone
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ghost-bxrd · 3 months
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So with Fae!Dick, we all know that Bruce is just… not gonna say anything bc of his own mental health, but do you think the other batkids notice anything once they come along?
On one hand, I think someone would have to notice. If not Jason, then Tim, Steph, Barbara, or Damian bc, well, they’re BATS. They literally have been trained to notice things.
On the other hand, though, I think it would be HILARIOUS if they just attributed Dick’s Fae nature to him just being weird. Like, completely unaware he isn’t human. Maybe not entirely realistic but I think it leaves for some interesting comedic moments 😅
Honestly at one point I think it all devolves into plausible deniability. 😭😂
Jason is the first to notice something amiss, obviously. But he joins Bruce in pretending it‘s just Dick‘s general weirdness. After all, as long as the dog just howls once in a while it’s not necessarily a wolf, right? And Dick, after the initial hang up and trying to kill him a little, is sweet as a summer‘s day to him and viciously protective to boot. Galas and all the rich people there that used to treat Jason like a circus animal aren’t a problem anymore because Dick always swoops in like a bat out of hell and distracts the creepy old ladies with a charming smile until they walk away with vacant eyes. It‘s all pretty funny. And very weird. But hey, Jason gets a laugh out of it and that secretive little grin from Dick so whatever.
Tim I headcanon has Dick all figured out within a month of officially meeting him (the opposite of this would be Tim never figuring it out which is also kinda funny and just attributing it to his circus past or something) and is veeery cautious about interacting with Dick for a time. It makes Dick kind of sad and Tim can only withstand the puppy eyes so long until he caves.
Steph just kinda shrugs and accepts Dick‘s strangeness at face value. It ain’t hurting her so why should she bother? Dick is cool. She likes Dick. End of story, thank you and good day. And yeah, fine, some of his habits are downright weird and everything but who is she to judge? And he‘s always down to cause mischief with her which is?? Super cool???? Even the more devious pranks she can bribe him into joining by handing him a jar of fresh honey or hand picked fruit!! Anybody trying to say shit about Dick lands them on her hit list, period.
Cass is Cass. Nobody can fool her. She may not know what Dick is, but she‘s painfully aware he‘s other. Most wildlife treats him like bees would their queen, there‘s always the scent of pines and rain following him. Dick‘s body language says ‘playful-content-happy’ but his eyes say ‘dark-dangerous-predator’. It’s all very conflicting; a study of contradictions. Cass learns to go by what his body language says and quickly finds a kindred spirit in Dick, who somehow always seems to know exactly what she tries to express but has trouble translating into words.
I headcanon Damian grew up with folklore so while his first theory may not be “fae” he definitely has Dick down as something other than human. Which means he must be powerful. Which means Damian must keep himself in Dick’s good graces in the hopes of making the creature teach him how to be powerful in turn. And, well, the kid grew up with a grandad that regularly takes dips in a magical swimming pool. I don’t think there’s much that can genuinely shock him lol.
Duke is… well, he’s the sensible one so of course he’s the first one to actually ask questions. And then proceeds to go nearly insane because??? Nobody seems to?? Care???? That Dick just rotated his head a full 360°???? Or that the manor sure af isn’t supposed to??? Randomly add hallways???? Or that there’s a whole ass SWAMP that appeared in the basement overnight???? Or a door that leads straight into the forest?????? Duke very nearly nopes the hell out because that’s too much even for him. But finally, finally someone takes pity on him (I headcanon it’s Cass) and she doesn’t explain anything per se, she just kind of… shows Duke. Shows him around the manor, introduces him to twisting halls and strange rooms, takes him to where Dick is lounging with the rest of the family, purring like a content cat. And Duke still doesn’t understand, not completely, but Dick smiles at him with too many, too sharp teeth and tugs him into the huge cuddle pile and?? Are those feathers on his neck?? No, he must have imagined it. Anyway, Duke thinks he can handle this… strangeness, if it scores him a family like this. It’s Gotham, right? Weirder things happen here on the daily.
Omg this turned into a whole ass essay I’m so sorry 😰😅😭✨
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ryukatters · 8 months
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kaaatttt 😭😭😭 i need some satoru headcanons to heal my soul... what is he like as a bf??
ask and you shall receive my love (writing this to heal my soul)
content: modern AU, fluff, nsfw headcanons at the end
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SFW
“mmm..i think i deserve a little treat right now.” 
except he says that at least 5 times a day and you will also be given a little treat. he does not care if you don’t want to eat kikufuku right now, you will be accompanying him to get some. 
speaking of, this man is basically eating 24/7. if gojo leaves your side for any reason while you guys are home, just know he is scavenging the kitchen for scraps like the raccoon he is. 
food is one of satoru’s main love languages. there’s something oddly satisfying and strangely warm about his loved ones eating and sharing a meal together, even if they tend to make him the butt of the joke in every single dinner conversation. 
will force you to become a sanrio girly idc (if you aren’t one already)
“babe, look!” "satoru, we have enough cinnamoroll plushies at home." "so you hate me then?"
the type to pick you up and spin you around whenever you two hug. he’ll spin and spin until both of you are dizzy and crash onto the couch.
attention whore. also just a whore in general but mostly a whore for (your) attention. will absolutely do the MOST to make sure your eyes are on him— i’m talking about poking your cheek, locking your phone if you’re scrolling through tiktok next to him, and it doesn’t even take much for him to start begging. he’s a loser like that.
scarily in tune with you. satoru is a lot more emotionally intelligent than he likes to let on around others, but he picks up on a lot of things. both of you are at a function and he can take one look at you and know that it's time to pack it up and go home.
is very sentimental about the things you give him/the things you two do together. before you started dating, satoru wasn't really one to collect tiny trinkets or keep ticket stubs because he thought they were just a waste of space. after you two got together, he started keeping virtually everything in a little box hidden in his closet. he realized that it's nice to give sentimental value to the little things, because then the memories associated with them live on in something physical.
he just... can't keep his hands to himself LOL. and like not even in a sexual manner either (sometimes), he just naturally gravitates towards you and is almost always touching you somehow— hand fiddling with your jewelry or hair, arm around your shoulder when you're sitting, arm around your waist when you're standing, playing footsies, whatever.
this man is painfully in love with you, and he makes it everyone's (mostly nanami's) problem. manages to bring you up in every single conversation with a lovesick grin on his face.
you will rarely ever hear satoru address you by your actual name. it will always be some variation of baby, babe, sweetheart, love, etc. uses snookums, cupcake, sweet cheeks, cinnamon sugar roll, my little sausage mcgriddle <3 on a rotating basis to annoy you
NSFW
you know those couples that just have this pent up sexual tension between them for no reason? like y’all could just be looking at each other but to everyone else it feels like you two are just eyefucking ​​😭 that’s you and gojo
no matter how long you guys have been together for, that spark between you just doesn't go away. people can see the immense physical attraction between you two.
is somewhat of an exhibitionist LMAO. he literally gets horny at the worst times and will drag you to the nearest supply closet, even if it means breaking the door in the process. who knows, maybe his real kink is vandalism
enjoys when you put up a bit of a fight/act like a brat. it makes putting you in your place so much sweeter.
very vocal— talking, moaning, whimpering. he sounds very pretty. he's extremely receptive to your touch so simply rubbing your hand along the bulge in his jeans has him moaning like a pornstar.
say it with me: satoru gojo is a pussy👏🏻pleaser👏🏻!
really likes going down on you. he thinks he could stay in between your thighs forever if you'd let him.
nasty. will cum inside you and clean it up with his tongue.
oscillates between wanting to overstimulate you and deny you. sometimes he does both. the way you get this hazy look in your eye and become so pliant, so needy for him gets him going.
he gets strangely possessive during sex. maybe it's a way for him to affirm that you really do love him and find him attractive.
"i'm the only one that can fuck you like this, right? make you feel this good?"
is a fan of snacks during aftercare LOL. you could have just had the most wild sex of your life, with the two of you panting as you lie in bed before satoru rolls over and opens his nightstand drawer and pulls out a pack of oreos before shoving one into your mouth
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Some of these aren't even bf headcanons they're just how I think he'd be LMFAO
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galene-gothic · 1 year
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𝖶𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖽𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗇𝖾𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿 ?
୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱
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˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES
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⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱
You're probably going through a chaotic period in life right now. You have a lot of unhealed trauma and there's a need to work through it. You seem to have lost a lot in life, be it people, things or money. Some of you have unconsciously started villainizing yourself. While, you're able to see the darker aspects of yourself. You should forgive yourself, you might have internalised the belief that you destroy everything, you destroy yourself, you attract chaos into your life through your thoughts and actions and while it is partially true. You seem to have always tried to do the best for yourself. You seem to have a lot of revelations with every decision that you make, with almost every interaction that you have with others. Some of you, might be abuse survivors, there's a need to heal those wounds so you don't turn out like the ones who abused you. I'm getting that for most of you, life just drastically changed one day and it was never the same again. I'm not sure if it was a good or bad change though. Everytime you feel like you're doing better or you can trust the other person, it's like the rug gets pulled from beneath your feet.
You're going through a period where you can restructure your life for the better. There might be times when you have a hard time pulling yourself out of this energy and you might end up really villainizing yourself. You seem to have forgotten what a peaceful life feels like. However, you're actually a very loving person who values alignment and healthy relationships. When you love, you love truly. It would be surprising if you guys have never once in your life experienced true love. You also tend to feel really passionate towards the ones you love. You want to treat them well, you want to spend your energy on them and do and give things to them. You also seem to care about physical attraction when it comes to relationships. You might have a hard time even being friends with people who you don't find attractive. You crave balanced relationships with equal and a lot of give and take. You have a duality is very strong. Dark feminine and light feminine energies combined for the greater good, you're learning how to balance them out. You want to have someone that you'll always choose and someone who'll always choose you. This is sweet. Take care, mate.
⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱
You're business minded, you have a lot of potential for getting wealthy. You also seem to really value security and feel your best when you're disciplined. I just heard 'motivation comes and goes, discipline stays'. You also seem to value certain traditions that are not restricting. Some of you guys probably have trouble with rotational dating because you see it as a waste of time. This generation disappoints you in certain ways, atleast when it comes to romance. You wish to be successful and build a legacy for yourself. Maturity and trust are very important for you in every relationship, be it professional, romantic or platonic. Some of you guys might not get approached in public when you're by yourself because you seem very uninterested and kind of intimidating. You strongly desire wealth, success and power. You get annoyed when people don't co-operate with you. You enjoy debates. You're pretty agreeable usually. However, you do not mind standing up for your beliefs and yourself. It takes a lot for you to actually express anger though. You're very agreeable but also defensive. You know how to keep people at an arm's distance and defend yourself with all your might if things come to it. You're very protective of yourself. You also seem to be very demanding even if you don't express it openly, people can pick up on it.
If you've ever lowered your standards and tried to be happy with the bare minimum, it probably didn't work out well for you. For some of you, people feel like you're acting as if you're better than them. You might often notice that when you're one-on-one with someone especially someone of the same sex, they might be nice to you but when they're in a group, they either exclude you or well just turn on you, in some way. People try to victimize you while villainizing you but you fight them off, directly or indirectly. You're very agreeable, you resist when others attack you, you don't like to fight and want to live peacefully but if someone is going above and beyond, you do snap at some point. If you do not confront them directly, you do something (intentionally/unintentionally) that makes them feel bad. People often have to watch you glow up and live happily. You seem to always come out on top, no one can do anything to bring you down. Well, you might feel bad, however, you still continue developing as a person. You should be more open to people while still having healthy boundaries. You're also very committed to somethings and people. You often find yourself in positions where you are forced to defend yourself. Your closest friends and family members might often turn on you. Nothing can break you and your faith in yourself though. Stay winning, mate.
⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱
Most of you probably have had a satisfying home life right from your childhood days. If not, you want to in the future. You wish to experience pure contentment. You want to have a balanced life in every aspect. You don't want to work until you die. I heard something about wanting to escape the 9-5 but there's a part of you who wishes to live a 9-5, structured and mundane life too. You guys want to do so many different things at the same time because you're such a multidimensional and flexible person. You guys want to become a doctor, lawyer, singer, pianist, influencer, farmer, saint, reiki healer, actor, etc. All at the same time. There's a part of you that wants to receive things without working too, however, there's another part of you that enjoys living a well structured life that allows you to work hard. I'm getting that you're really good at mediating. You don't enjoy fighting or seeing others fight atleast if it gets violent. You're a really patient person and are open to looking at things from a moderate perspective. People often assume that you're their soulmate even if you aren't. You just have a way with people. Your inner peace seems to mean a lot to you and when you're at peace with yourself, you tend to help others be at peace with themselves too. You have the ability to look at things from a higher and objective perspective. Since, you're able to look at things from a higher light, you're able to trust and have hope. Everything in life is like a redirection for you. Even if you are at a period where you're not at peace with yourself, even if this period lasts for a decade, you're able to be at peace with yourself in the end. You're able to find your direction and begin to understand why things had to happen the way they happened. You have dreams that you wish would come true. You're the happiest when you follow your dreams, even though you seem to have multiple of them and all of them resonate with you deeply, there's one in particular that makes you really happy.
I just heard 'childhood dream' and 'teenage dream'. If you continue working hard, have faith in yourself and your visions, you have a very bright future ahead of you. Some of you, seem to have forgotten who you are and what you're capable of. You seem to have dimmed your shine or you had done so at some point. I'm here to remind you to be yourself and get back on the track. You have the ability to get literally anything you want. So far, I'm pretty sure you have atleast 8/10 things you wanted in the past. Also, for the conscious manifestors, you're doing everything right, your manifestations will come into fruition if only you let things flow. You are probably renewing yourself right now because you've realised that there's things that don't serve you anymore. One of the reasons, you deserve all the success and happiness in the world is because you are always working on yourself and don't mind making necessary changes even if they're not easy. You're also different from other people and might feel like you don't fit in at times but you're starting to realise that you deserve to be loved exactly as you are and no matter how much you change, you always seem to build a deeper connection with yourself and feel more like yourself. It's like you're a completely different person than who you were last year but now you've never felt more like yourself. I'm so proud of you. You're supposed to do things your way and you're loved, even though there seem to be only a few who truly understand you and manage to connect with you in your level of depth. You inspire people to become better. People who are miserable and cannot work on themselves and make things better for themselves tend to turn bitter and might treat you quite harshly but please remember 'people only try to intimidate you if you've already intimidated them'. I hope that you're always happy and continue living as the amazing person that you are. I love you so much !!
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zzoguri · 4 months
Text
safe haven (how much longer do we have?) ➵ jacob bae
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jacob bae x reader, slight lee hyunjae x reader
you can only hope for more tomorrows with jacob.
genre/warnings ➵ strangers to lovers, heavy angst with a happy ending, touch of fluff, afab reader (no-gendered terms), lowercase intended, apocalypse au, hurt/comfort (both physical and emotional), depictions of grief, descriptions of gore/blood, use of guns, allusions and discussions of suicide, minor character deaths, hyunjae is your ex, changmin and kevin appearance :'), elements of the last of us (don't support neil druckmann!), mostly written in past tense (because u're remembering!)
word count ➵ 6.2k words
inspired by ➵ “anaheim” by niki, “are you happy?” by @wavesmp3, “love wins all” by iu, episode three of hbo's the last of us, and “you’re gonna carry that weight” quote from cowboy bebop
a/n ➵ my life changed forever reading shawna's piece. thank you for letting me write a piece based on your work (if you haven't read it, go check it out!) just like you, i am a sucker for apocalypse aus :')) hope i did justice to your beautiful work. anyway, love wins all coming out yesterday was a miracle because it's definitely made for this fic </3 thank you to @heemingyu and @deobienthusiast for betareading a bit of this! if you enjoyed reading, please do reblog and leave feedback!
want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist
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time was the one thing that occupied everyone’s minds. it held value, something that shouldn’t be wasted, and people revolved their lives around it.
questions flew around with every tick and tock—what day is it today? when’s your next doctor’s appointment? how long has it been since you’ve last seen your friends from high school? until when does this meeting last? 
as the hands of the clock continue to rotate, the calendar pages would flip along. birthdays were celebrated with every revolution as candles on cakes were lit up, awaiting the puff of celebrants as they wished for their desires. holidays were ones to look forward to; people dressed up to celebrate periods of the year that mattered to them while others slept in until noon. and days were spent counting down until graduations, where caps with tassels would fly to the expanse of blue and orange as cheers and sobs sound throughout.
but now, no one keeps track of time. clocks stopped moving and calendars weren’t produced annually. once the surge of the infected took over, grabbing on humans, taking them away from the lives they’ve lived, everyone ran like they were running out of time. with every second that passes, people are ridden with possibilities of how they might bid farewell to life itself—would it be through the hands of the infected or their own?
now, only one question echoes within their minds: how long do we have?
yet, the clock continues—tick, tock, tick, tock. it keeps going, and going, and going, like how everyone expects it. while everyone seemed to let time go, you still kept track of it all: birthdays, holidays, a graduation you never had.
the outbreak hit two years ago on the day of hyunjae’s graduation. cheers turned into screams. white togas and diplomas were splattered with red. the lively became lifeless.
you remember hyunjae’s hand in yours, fingers gripping you as if you were his life, as you charged out of the gymnasium, legs keeping up with the speed of his. you darted off to nowhere as images of the infected tearing people apart took up every block, all the way from skin to bone.
and while it was a rush of tragedies, hyunjae was the only hope you had.
“keep your eyes on me,” he glanced at you, eyes off the path as he met your gaze. “don’t look at them. only look at me.”
it was impossible to ignore the wails that filled your ears, but you would repeat his words—his soft-spoken voice—to drown them out.
by nightfall, you and hyunjae found yourselves in a motel room, skin cleaned from blood splatters and dressed in clothes that engulfed your figures, and in each other’s arms on a twin-sized bed. the duvet that wrapped around you two is thin, not at all keeping you warm for the night, but the warmth of hyunjae was enough to provide you a sense of security—stability amidst the ever-changing world.
he whispered into the crown of your head, words meant to dispel your fears, all while you sobbed into his shirt. there was nothing that he could do but stay strong for you.
and for a few days, that room acted as your safe haven. the time spent within those four walls is the life you imagined your future with hyunjae. it would’ve been in a two-story house with a garden where a singular orange tree stands, lounging on the couch as you played movies to fall asleep to, but all you had was an old room with a carpeted floor with unrecognizable stains and a bathroom unable to fit two.
yet, you would choose this over anything. even if it meant eating instant noodles for every meal or sleeping on a mattress that ruins your backs, you would choose this if it meant hyunjae would be with you.
still, time continues to move. hyunjae knew that you both couldn’t stay in that room or else the infected may reach you. so when you both went to bed on that last night, you outlined his features from the space between his eyebrows all the way to his lips, and you spent that time memorizing his warmth to carry with you for the rest of your life. you could only hope that he stays with you until the end.
after a month passed, you and hyunjae met changmin, an injured boy who only wanted to live. at first, hyunjae was hesitant to take the stranger in, but you wouldn’t allow yourself to live with the idea of abandoning someone in need. in a world where the infected have taken over, it only seemed right to help out others, save them from a fate they’re not ready to meet.
what started off as a pair turned into a trio. you’ve learned more about what it takes to survive in this life. long gone is the need for money to buy necessities; you need to scavenge if you want to live in an infected-ridden world. thanks to changmin, you and hyunjae got to learn about how to find supplies in every building that you pass on the journey.
but it’s not enough to know where to find food and bullets. hyunjae decided that it was only right to teach you how to use a gun. with every morning that came, you two spent hours learning how to hold, reload, and fire.
“don’t worry,” he told you as his chin hovered over your shoulder. you both stared at the tin can situated on a stack of boxes only a few meters away. “you won’t have to worry about fighting alone. i’ll be here with you.” as you exhaled, your eyes zeroed in on the target. “now, shoot.”
six months have passed, and you were happy that you were still a trio. changmin became your best friend over that time. his laughs were enough to shine glimmers of hope onto you. you were glad that you decided to help him off the ground and tend his bullet wound that day.
until you found yourselves retreating from the horde of infected.
time moves at a constant speed but it can become swift if it decides to. when you and changmin reached the doors leading to safety, you remember seeing hyunjae fighting off those who were once like you, bullets firing at their heads. you remember your screams, telling him to run to you—go to where it’s safe—so that you can keep having tomorrows with him.
yet, hyunjae glanced at changmin, nodding at him before his eyes met yours. you watched how his mouth moves, a soundless three-word phrase leaving him before the doors shut before you. you would’ve pried them open but changmin kept his arms around you, holding you back from letting the infected reach you, from letting hyunjae come back to you.
the wails that left you are enough to attract the infected. if only the infected were to burst through the doors, grab onto you and bring you to hyunjae, then maybe you would stop crying. yet, changmin dragged you away. you never saw him as your best friend after that.
a month passed, and you still refused to talk to him. the boy tried to strike up a conversation with you, trying to earn your laugh like he used to, but he was only met with a cold shoulder. with every brick he put, you smashed your sledgehammer against it, dispelling any hope he had in rekindling his friendship with you.
the two of you learned to live in silence, fighting for survival while dealing with the loss of the one who would always bring you both to safety.
until you came across another boy who pointed his gun toward you. his defensive demeanor reminded you of hyunjae, and you wondered if this was his doing—his reincarnation. but before he could pull the trigger, changmin saved you from meeting your fate.
somehow, the duo had turned into a trio once more. you still refused to talk to changmin, but would eavesdrop on the conversations he shared with the stranger. you learned that the new addition is named jacob.
but even the stranger wasn’t enough to fill the void that hyunjae left. with every nightfall, when the soft snores of the two boys filled your ears, tears streamed down your face as sobs threatened to spill out of your mouth. the palm of your hand wasn’t enough to muffle your weeps. behind your eyelids, hyunjae’s last words to you play on repeat—the ones he failed to say, the ones you’ll never hear again.
maybe if you didn’t leave that motel room then he would’ve still been with you, arms finding their place around your waist as he trails kisses all over you. if the outbreak didn’t happen, then maybe you would be living in that two-story house with him. maybe you would wake up to a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice by the bedside table and the warmth of his lips on your forehead. and maybe you could finally tell him yes before he slips the silver band on your finger—you could’ve grown with him until your hair turns grey.
the weight you carry never got lighter with time. the void continued to consume you whole with the goal of ripping you apart. as another month passed, another life was lost—not to the infected but to the raiders.
“changmin, you have to stay with me.” those were the first words you told him since hyunjae’s death. crimson continued to spill out of his abdomen through the gaps between your fingertips in the same way tears flow out. “jacob! find gauze, betadine, anything!” you never glanced at the stranger, keeping your gaze on your best friend whose eyes continued to droop.
still, changmin caressed your face, thumb wiping teardrops. as he slowly entered territories that you both knew he would never escape, he grinned at you one last time. “i missed hearing you. i’m glad you’ll be the last thing i hear.”
but you tried to tell him that you couldn’t be the last voice he heard. it should’ve been with someone he can imagine his future with, maybe in a two-story house or a cramped flat in an apartment complex. he deserves more tomorrows in the same way hyunjae did.
but time continues to move. it took him away from you in a matter of minutes, slithering away without a second thought and no regard for the value of life, and all you were left with was his temple—still, lifeless. as you sobbed into his shirt, still holding the wound, the warmth of jacob’s hand stayed on your back, moving along with your wails. 
now, you carry the loss of two. it never got easier with time.
jacob still sticks with you. it only seemed right. stay strong in numbers as you wander off to nowhere, grasping at the loose ends of survival.
two weeks have passed. you and jacob got used to the new dynamic; while he goes hunting and you’re tasked with scavenging, you both played your roles in combat, ready for any raid or horde. when night would come, you both took shifts, keeping watch while the other got some shut-eye.
until that one evening.
you recall the sounds of wood crackling from the fire. it stood strong against the breeze—burning, shining—surrounded by greens that latch on browns. hues of amber cascaded over your skin, painting you with warmth—it’ll never compare to the one you craved. your eyes drifted to jacob who sat across from you, his eyes trained on the fire as he rubbed his palms together. perhaps he craved the same type of warmth you longed for.
“we used to be three.” his eyes snapped towards yours. “before you came, we used to be three—changmin, me, and—” it rose in you like bile, wanting to escape but never leaving. “we were three then.”
you glanced at the fire that continued to burn. “we met changmin a month after the outbreak, spent six months together until—” the claws of the void struck against your throat, holding you back from sharing with the stranger what your life was before he came. while you never found the right words to say, jacob never pushed, letting you say what you wanted to share while filling in the blanks on his own. 
“i resented changmin after what happened.” you moved your gaze to jacob whose eyes never left you. “refused to talk to him. refused to forgive.” and you remember how you hesitated, taking a deep breath in before sputtering out the next sentence. “refused to accept.”
nine months ago, the outbreak didn’t happen. nine months ago, you were attending hyunjae’s graduation. nine months ago, you two were imagining your tomorrows—together, for eternity.
and those nine months fractured all hopes and dreams; the glass is now littered with cracks, ready to burst into shards.
“but i think about the last time we saw changmin,” the image of him sitting in front of you all frail, treading the line between life and death, flashed in front of you; it’s quick but strong to remind you of what’s lost. “and i wish i could’ve learned how to forgive during those two months.”
but it was an impossible request. how could you ever forgive a boy you’ve known for only six months for taking your future away? how could you forgive a world that took him away? how could you forgive and live?
and still, you did.
you left it at that. they were enough. so when you told jacob that you’ll take over tonight’s shift, he never asked to hear more. instead, he laid near the campfire as you keep an eye out.
and once enough hours have passed, you allowed yourself to sob like other nights. the breeze that passed through branches reminded you of changmin; rustling leaves imitated the giggles of the boy you’ve only known during the apocalypse.
the wind that grazed against your skin should’ve been a nuisance, but the warmth of the fire wrapped you up like the duvet in that motel room. and you don’t complain—it’s the only part of hyunjae you have left.
the heat was enough to last you the night, but the chill of reality sent you back to the void.
that night, jacob listened to your sobs. not one of you got enough rest for the journey.
another two weeks went by. you two got into a better groove of the routine; instead of hunting and scavenging in silence, you and jacob found yourselves talking more about your lives before the outbreak. you learned that he was born the same year as hyunjae, and he shared that he had plans to pursue music.
“if the world finds a cure to this mess, you have to promise me that you’ll get me front-row tickets to your first show.” it was a joke. in what world could there be a cure for the infected? but the wishful thinking of what could be—what could’ve been—is all you had left.
still, jacob promised you that.
that night, you two stayed in the living room of an abandoned house. instead of lighting the fireplace, candles were placed on the coffee table. they shined in the middle of you two, you who stayed on the couch and jacob who sat on the mattress lying on the floor.
“where were you?” his eyes met yours. “on the day of the outbreak, i mean.”
he leaned back, hands resting on the mattress before he looked once more at the wax that continued to melt. “it was my graduation.” it hit you like a sudden downpour on a sunny day. “i was next in line to go up on the stage until the infected came.”
and when you said the name of the university, his gaze met yours as his shoulders stiffened. “m—my hyunjae.” it’s the first time you spoke of his name, and the sight of jacob’s eyes widening over it was enough to speak for himself.
“i—i didn’t know,” he whispered, but his words were loud enough to shatter glass. “i only spoke to him a few times. he spoke of you with so much love.”
your heart skipped beats; it should’ve been enough to send you off into the same territories where hyunjae and changmin now stay. your mouth turned dry as jacob’s voice morphed into radio silence.
before you knew it, the two of you left the information to hang in the air as you tried to drift into slumber. the clock continues to tick. minutes turned into hours; time moves like it usually does once more.
yet, you were stuck in the same gymnasium, fixing hyunjae’s toga as you scolded him about how wrinkled it’s become—hey! you’ll go up on stage soon. we can’t take pictures of you like this. despite your words, he smiled at you before grazing his lips on your temple—his silent way of telling you the three-word phrase.
in a split second, you were off the couch. you barged out of the house, clutching your chest as the knot constricted your throat, and your feet dragged you off to nowhere. every sound has turned into a buzz—only the voice of hyunjae being the one clear thing amidst the hysteria.
before you knew it, you stood before a horizon of green. it takes only one step into the woods, alone with no protection, for you to meet your demise. you would’ve charged into it in the same way you would’ve charged out to save hyunjae that day.
all it takes is one step, and—
“what are you doing?!” a pair of hands gripped your shoulders, spinning you around until you were face-to-face with the last form of life that you know of. his breaths were short as his fingers dug into your arms. “you can’t just rush out in the middle of the night! i woke up worried sick.” his eyebrows knitted in frustration. confusion. distress. 
the voice was caught in your throat. how does one begin to unpack the baggage they’ve learned to carry? when the items they bring are revolting, rotten, repugnant, how does someone not feel shame about showing all the tattered-up objects? how do you learn to open up to someone you’ve only known for three months?
your hands trembled; you’ve carried the weight of it all for too long.
in that split second, your nose met the juncture between his chin and shoulder. the material of his shirt against your cheek allowed you to bathe in what you miss—the hand of changmin that once caressed your face, the lips of hyunjae that lingered with every kiss. all the moments that you hoped time would freeze just for you lives in the boy you stick with for survival.
all it took were jacob’s hands to rest on the lower side of your back for the tears to begin their stream. the sobs spill out. for once, they weren’t muffled like those other nights. they sounded throughout the space that surrounded you two. you allowed yourself to drop the baggage only for a few minutes.
jacob took you back to the house that night, allowing you to sob about all that you’ve kept under the wraps. when sunrise came, you found your legs mixed with his as his arms remained wrapped around you, and your ear pressed against his chest. the sound of his breathing is the one reminder of what a safe haven is. 
half a year went by. jacob still stays by your side. the baggage got lighter.
it should’ve been the same routine; jacob goes off to hunt while you scavenge, and you’ll take turns on the night shifts. but that night shifted something between you two—stolen glances, quiet giggles, linked fingers.
two months have gone by. the moon shined through the trees, their shadows cascading on an abandoned cabin that you and jacob decided to stay in for that night.
it should’ve been the same set-up as other nights spent in abandoned houses; you’ll sleep on the couch while he sleeps on a dragged-out mattress. instead, he sat with you on the couch, your back resting on his chest along with his hand staying on your arm. 
a lit candle rested on the table; its amber tones painted the jacob’s skin—close to the fruit tree that stands in your lost future.
“what would you do if there is a cure to this?” you watched how his fingers danced across your skin, calloused from plucking guitar strings or wielding a gun. 
jacob’s chest rumbled against your back as he hummed. “what would you do?”
a giggle left you as you looked at the boy. “i was the one who asked you first!”
he shot you a grin as his hand slipped into yours. the candle continued to burn; it did a poor job of giving you light and warmth that night. but he did it all—one smile. one exhale. one indication to show that he lives.
“travel, maybe? or i’ll go back to writing music.” you nodded at his plans before looking back at the light source. “what about you?”
“i don’t know.”
there was no point in going back to university after such a catastrophe. if anything, the year spent surrounded by the infected, fighting for survival, has shown you that there’s more to life than the perpetual cycle of working a nine-to-five.
so…
“i would settle down if i could.” the wax continued to melt. “i think i’ve seen enough of the world. for once, i just want to stay home, indulge in my hobbies, live the life that i want.”
his breath grazed the top of your head. “with someone?” and suddenly, you became aware of it all—the heat that emitted from his palm, the movement of his chest against your back, the gravity of his question.
the words get caught in your throat. your heartbeat rang in your ears. for the first time since hyunjae’s death, you considered it. 
“with someone.”
before you knew it, his hand caressed your cheek. you were forced to meet his eyes—they glistened with devotion. he leaned forward, his breath grazing your skin while you held in yours. you didn’t miss how his gaze flickered to your lips before he met your eyes once more.
then, he held back. it’s a choice, one only you can make. but when your eyes shut, it’s a quiet plea—a silent yes.
his lips met yours. 
the warmth that blossomed in your chest wasn’t like the one in that motel room. not like the embrace of the one you’ve lost. it was one of all seasons—changing with the weather, bringing comfort throughout the everchanging times.
it’s a perpetual cycle of fighting for survival. you’ll endure through it all.
a month passed by, and you came across another boy on the journey. he’s named kevin, and he told you of a safe haven located in the town that you and jacob grew up in.
for a moment, it was an internal debate—should you go back to where the downfall started? can you go to where the memory of hyunjae still lives?
but one glance at jacob was enough to settle it. the three of you embarked on your journey.
you remember that day. it was a walk with the goal of finding a car to make the journey back an easy one. the heat of the sun prickled against your skin, but you still kept your arms crossed.
“are you two together?” kevin asked, causing you to whip your head towards him. your eyes met jacob’s for a split second—confusion, dejection—before they landed back at the stranger who kept his eyes on the path you took.
“no, we aren’t.”
for the rest of the journey, it was quiet.
sundown came, and you found yourselves in a convenience store for that night’s shelter. jacob was in charge of taking the night shift, allowing you and kevin to rest up. when the stranger went off to sleep on the makeshift bed, you were left alone with jacob.
you watched how he cleaned his gun with a rag stained with dark splotches. the moon gleamed through the window—it cannot compare to how jacob shines.
you needed to get some sleep is what you tell yourself. with one spin, you were about to make your way to where you’d sleep for that night.
“are we really not?” you halted in your tracks. you couldn’t look at him. “did it mean nothing?”
not a single answer left your mouth. your eyes remained straightforward, refusing to meet his gaze.
the warmth vanished with a lack of an answer. instead, it was replaced once more with the cold—the void—that attempted to consume you whole.
and when a scornful chuckle left jacob, you knew that you’d burnt the bridge. you walked away, leaving him to do his job, bidding farewell to the closest form of a safe haven.
two weeks went by, and another goodbye had to be done. kevin stood in front of you two, a grin on his lips while tears streamed down his face. his arm was out, revealing a bite mark. the veins near the wound had already turned black. he would’ve turned in a few hours.
“go out.” those were jacob’s first words to you since that night in the convenience store.
you remember the last thing you told kevin before you left the room—you’ll get to your safe haven. the sobs that spilled out of him are ones you’ll never forget. and when you shut the door behind you, it took 20 seconds until you heard a gunshot. 
the weight got heavier once more.
another two weeks went by, and you and jacob found yourselves standing in front of the remains of a safe haven. the fences were torn down. streaks of dark red littered over pavements. not a single sight of a soul lived.
still, you two trudged your way through the town, all the way until you reached jacob’s house. like others, his was abandoned. the cream walls were littered with red strokes and vines. when you both entered, you didn’t miss how jacob’s eyes lingered on a photo hung on the wall—a picture of him, his brother, and his parents.
you gave him all the time he needed to explore, to sit with the mess, while you stayed in the living room. as you sat on the couch that had gathered dust, you caught sight of a bowl of plastic produce that rested on the coffee table. it held a variety of fruits whose paint had chipped: watermelon, chestnut, and fig.
but amidst the crowd of old, torn-down, plastic fruits, a pear and an orange leaned against each other as grime collected on them. once your hands reached out to the fruits, you pulled them apart—a mess of green and orange stained the two.
he came back to you in 30 minutes, eyes glistening with tears. yet, he only gave you a nod, and you two went to another house. 
you then stood in front of your old house with jacob by your side. weeds grew in the front yard, and the wooden exterior has turned a few shades darker. silence settled between you two. 
to be back in a place you grew up in, where all your memories live, is a process—a grieving one. being face-to-face with the damage brought by the infected can only remind you of what you had and could’ve had.
and once you made your way to your childhood room, you were reminded of all your hopes and dreams before the outbreak. dust rested on top of books. the laptop on your desk had no charge. potted plants have withered.
when you approached the picture frames found on your table, your hand darted out to a photograph of you and hyunjae. there was no occasion when that picture was taken—the fact that you two were together was enough for it to be remembered. memorialized.
as you made your way back down the stairs, you saw jacob crouched in front of the console table with eyes. trained on photographs. “was this your high school graduation?” you approached him and saw the picture he was referring to, you who stood beside hyunjae with a big grin as his lips were on your temple.
“yeah,” you said as you crouched beside jacob. “we knew each other back when i was a freshman.” your fingers trailed on the wooden frame, gathering the dust before flicking it away. despite your efforts, it was still covered in grime, but you didn’t mind. 
“and you stayed together since?” all you did was hum. “did you find anything up there?”
for the first time since you entered your old house, you looked at jacob and he met your gaze. your eyes trailed his features. the eyes that speak of a thousand words. the lips that once kissed yours.
and it hit you like the gunshot that filled your ears, the breeze that rustled the leaves that one night, the doors that shut close. it was 20 months since the outbreak happened, 13 months since you lost hyunjae, and 11 months since changmin told you his last words—but it was also 13 months spent with jacob, choosing to survive with him. 
“yeah.”
you found a lot of things within those four walls. there were books you once read growing up, stuffed toys you slept with, and the one picture of you and hyunjae; they’re the remaining pieces you have left of a life that was good.
you would’ve kept it all, rebuilt the life that was ripped away by the hands of the infected—
“but nothing to hold on to.”
they’re memories, ones you’ll carry with you, but ones worth moving on from. 
“oh,” he said as his eyes still held your gaze. “okay.”
and with one exhale, you said, “let’s rebuild it, just a place for us two.”
it was a whirlwind of emotions in jacob’s eyes, ones you can’t identify. for a moment, you thought he’d say no. maybe he decided that 13 months was enough. one more day with you would be too much, and—
“okay.” when his hand reached out for yours, linking fingers with you like all other times, you gave him a small smile.
when you and jacob stood up, you made your way out of the house, off to find a place just for you two—a safe haven to last you many tomorrows with him.
a month passed. the safe haven was rebuilt; the fences stood strong with electrical wires and barbed wires, and the town was cleaned of all remnants of grime and blood. the two of you took up different tasks ranging from cleaning, cooking, building, and maintaining the haven.
but while you were okay with a knife, accidents did happen. “fuck!”
“what happened?” you remember how jacob came rushing in, only to see you pressing on the skin around the cut on your finger.
before you knew it, you were sitting down with him as he wrapped gauze around the wound. “jacob, it’s just a cut. i’ll be fine.”
“still, i don’t want you getting hurt.” you watched how his eyes were focused on treating your finger. “i’ll be in charge of cooking now.”
you shook your head. “no, i like to cook. i want to cook for us.” his gaze then met yours, his filled with worry while yours filled with determination. they flickered back to your finger, and his hands busied themselves with covering it up.
once he was done, his hand continued to hold yours. you remember the heat of his thumb as it drew patterns on your hand. he’s etched himself onto you.
his eyes met yours once more, and he said, “okay, just let me help out.” all you gave him was a nod.
another month went by, and you woke up to the sound of gunshots. you remember how hazy your vision was that night, fresh from sleep but panic coursing through your veins. and when you looked beside you to only see an empty spot, you didn’t think twice about rushing out of bed.
when you exited the house, you saw jacob holding his gun, firing at the people who attempted to tear down the haven’s fences. “jacob!” when he looked back at you, you caught sight of the crimson that poured out of his abdomen.
another gunshot was fired, grazing jacob’s leg, and he fell to his knees. you ran to him, reaching out to rest your hand on the wound as you began to sob. “fuck! you have to stay with me.” with his arm resting around your shoulders, you dragged him back to the house.
you set him on the table and moved his hand to hold where he was shot. “hold it.” you rushed to where the medical supplies were stored and gathered whatever you could hold. when you got back, you saw how blood continued to spill out.
you got to work, focused on trying to patch him up—making sure he stays. “you can’t go. i won’t let it happen.” and while your hands busied themselves with treating the injury, you remember how jacob’s hand caressed your cheek, thumb wiping away the spilled tears. 
“in the basement, there’s a piece of paper that has all the codes. if you ever—”
“no, you’ll be okay.”
still, he continued to talk. “if you ever forget the codes, you can always look at the paper. don’t forget that you need to always check the water system every two days, and—”
“jacob!” you croaked out his name in between sobs. “you’ll be okay. you have to, okay?” the more he went on about what to keep in mind, the baggage got heavier. “i can’t do this without you. i won’t allow it.”
because 15 months ago, you would’ve bid farewell to the mayhem. 13 months ago, you hoped for time to drag you away. 12 months ago, you would’ve walked into the forest. but it’s been 22 months, and you were still walking on this earth, choosing to live amidst the chaos—so long as jacob was with you. 
and when you leaned your forehead on his, eyes closed, you felt his breath graze against your lips. “i need you.”
all it took were three words from you. “okay.”
it’s been two months since that happened. the safe haven was rebuilt once more. you and jacob fortified the defense system, hoping they’ll be enough to keep any infected and raiders out. all that matters is that you two were protected—safe—from the chaos.
now, you sit on a couch as you flip through the pages of a book you didn’t have time to read before the outbreak. when all responsibilities vanished, you were able to find enough time to do things you couldn’t do then.
you were ready to get yourself sucked into the world of the novel, but jacob came into the living room with his hands behind his back and a small smile on his lips. “do you remember what you made me promise you before?”
you frown at him, confused, until he shows you an acoustic guitar. “oh my god, you found one?” you put the book on the coffee table.
he takes a seat beside you, body facing towards you as he rests the instrument on his lap. “here, first-row tickets to my first show.” you almost laughed because this is no stadium or club, but a home—one you built with him.
it takes only one smile from him for you to hold it back.
“any song requests?” he strums on the guitar strings, perfectly in tune. it’s almost as if he tuned it before coming to you.
a hum leaves you as you rest your head on your hand propped on the couch. “whatever you want to show me.”
it takes him a few seconds, fingers fiddling with the strings, until he figures out what to play. when he sings out the words—dearest, darling, my universe—you melt like the candles you lit up those nights. as he continues to play a song of a world in hysteria but a love that endures, that’s when you realize what you’ve had all this time.
time is the one thing that occupies your mind. it holds value, something that shouldn’t be wasted, and you learned to revolve your life around it.
it takes you two years to figure out that life doesn’t end after the outbreak—and 17 months to realize that your safe haven is not a two-story house with an orange tree in the garden but the boy in front of you.
when you lean closer to him, his fingers falter, messing up the chords. your hand reaches out to caress his face as your eyes flicker to his lips. you don’t miss how jacob holds his breath, how he stops playing the guitar, how his eyes look back at yours—it’s a slurry of warmth, tenderness.
“i love you.”
all it took was a three-word phrase from you for him to close the distance.
the warmth that spreads within you is like the one you experience in the abandoned cabin. but now, you’re full of hope—a reason to stay—in an infected-ridden world.
now, only one question echoes within your mind: how much longer do we have?
an eternity is what you hope.
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kisses-from-crows · 6 months
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Random Campbell Bain Headcanons
(chapter 7 is currently a 5k word inconsistent mess but i can give you this so, ehhh? not sure if these make any sense but in my brain they make perfect sense)
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-this mf LOVES halloween
-he will spend will weeks thinking up a bunch of overly complicated costumes
-he spends WAY too much money on halloween decorations (i want you to picture Campbell Bain with adult money….)
-he has gotten tangled in those cotton spiderweb things a million times
-he always gets really enthusiastic about carving pumpkins but doesn’t have the patience to do the super complicated designs. always manages to cut off bits he didn’t mean to cut off.
-has a tradition of smashing the pumpkins to bits in the first week of november. (he likes this part more than the carving)
-will literally beg to get his nails painted and then will IMMEDIATELY smudge them, everytime, without fail
-settles for coloring in his nails with sharpie
-scarily good at mario kart, like frighteningly good
-likes to watch the muppets when he has depressive episodes
-had an intense cowboy phase as a child, until he went to a petting zoo and discovered he’s deathly afraid of horses
-the type of person to go radio silent for weeks or spam you with 50 memes and 12 songs in a matter of an hour. (there is no in-between)
-will respond to an important text two days later with a link to song and nothing else
-has a MASSIVE sweet tooth
-and has absolutely ZERO self control with candy, will down an entire bag of marshmallows (he prefers the mini ones) in a single sitting.
-noticed that Eddie had started to sneakily take his candy so he started keeping secret stashes hidden in various places
-eddie will find a stash and throw it away, only to turn around and see Campbell munching on a king-sized snickers, just gloating
-is ace spec but constantly makes dirty jokes, partly for shock value partly because he finds it hilarious
-very touchy, doesn’t get the whole “personal space” thing
-insists that he loves scary movies and then will go to bed with all the lights on after
-finds a pair of shoes he likes and then wears them every single day until they fall apart, then refuses to throw them out
-his closet is full of converse held together by duct tape and a dream
-is the biggest baby about being sick. this mf will get a tummy ache and just start rolling on the ground whining about “this is the end, get my affairs in order, tell Eddie i love him”
-toes the line between being the dream/nightmare blunt rotation. he has the most entertaining monologues but he’s using the joint as a talking stick and accidentally ash’d in the water cups twice now
-not allowed to smoke anymore because it messed with his bipolar and he didn’t sleep for 4 days straight
-can’t cook for shit, regularly burns soup. is banned from using the oven after The Incident™️
-won’t explain to anyone what The Incident™️ is
-if you ask Eddie about it, he’ll just say “he knows what he did”
-rumor has it that it involved makeshift shrink-i-dinks
-visits Fergus’s grave at least once a month. sets up a blanket and just talks. tells him everything that happened since he came last. what the rest of the crew is up to
-always leaves some sort of bit or bauble for Fergus
-got very upset when they would go missing, until he realized the local crows were collecting them
-now he brings some food and an extra toy for the crows, they’re good friends now
-one of the crows always flies down and hangs out next to him, so Campbell is convinced it’s Fergus
okay that’s all i’ve got for now! (sorry had to make it just little sad at the end)
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strayheartless · 17 days
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Thinking about autistic Riku…
Riku who wasn’t diagnosed until after he became a keyblade master, and that was only because Merlin took one look at him and was like “oh my sweet summer child.”
15yr old Riku at the peak of his masking having actual fits of physical rage in his bedroom that he doesn’t really have an answer for other than “today was hard” that are actually meltdowns. We’re talking throwing things, braking shit, rocking and hair gripping. The whole nine yards.
Riku who struggles comprehending why his friends make plans and then don’t follow them through. Like building the raft. They said they were going to do it, so he was doing it. Why was he the only one taking it seriously?
Riku who’s grasp on humour and sarcasm is good up to a point. Meaning he knows how to do it himself, but if it’s directed at him it takes him a hot second to sus it out. He usually ends up giving actual explanations to people for their sarcasm, even though he’s registered what it was, and then gets told “I was joking”. Which fustrated the hell out of him because he KNEW that!!
Riku who has really bad light sensitivity and it’s part of the reason he keeps his hair long for such a long time. Sometimes he kind of wishes he could have the blindfold back.
Riku who despite purposefully keeping his hair long, spends nearly every day tying it back because it’s too much, then taking it down because that’s too much, then putting it back up and taking it back down until he seriously considers taking a pair of scissors to it.
Riku who doesn’t like to be touched unless he’s initiating the touch. Sora is the ONLY exception to that rule, but even then Riku has days when he moves out of Sora’s hold because it’s too much.
Riku who’s special interest is Gummi ships and is VERY happy when they go to see Cid and the RGRC because Cid is the only one that can keep up with his 1000mph rants about mobility blocks and rotation weaponry.
Riku who values silence, and no one can figure out how he deals with Sora’s constant stream of chatter, until he one day moves his hair back to show Mickey the earplugs in his ears. He felt guilty about it for a long time until Sora told him he already knew about the plugs and didn’t mind, he just like being with him.
Riku who likes to play with kairis hair but can’t abide having his own hair touched.
Riku who will usually eat anything but if you give him avocado he will have the biggest sensory ick moment you’ve ever seen. Same goes for mushrooms.
Riku who steadfastly refuses to sleep in fuzzy PJ’s because “no thanks I’d rather be flayed alive, it would be less stressful.”
Riku who, at aged 8, told kairi that if she put that scarf around his neck he would “absolutely start screaming” and then did when she insisted he’d catch cold. Scarfs are demon cloths.
Riku who would rather sit at the back of squalls office in the corner while the other man works, than sit in the science lab with everyone else because Squalls office is quiet and he likes that Squall says what he means.
Riku who ignored his own emotional, physical and sensory needs/wellbeing for months while looking for sora and ended up having a meltdown in front of Mickey and master YenSid.
Riku who now has an app on his Gummiphone that Cid, Squall, Even and Ienzo designed to help him build routine and regulate/track his emotional well-being.
He relies of the breathing exercises game a lot in Quadratum.
Riku who is the reason chip and dale created dark mode in phone settings because nobody could figure out why he barely used his phone until he admitted that it always felt like he was looking into the sun.
Riku who has keyblade related Stims, like tapping the flat of the blade with his nails or messing with the key chain when he’s stressed.
Riku who also has stims such as: flicking his tongue inside his mouth while he’s thinking; twirling strands of his hair incessantly; scrunching his nose; clicking his fingers when he’s distressed; tapping the toe of his boot against the opposite heel when he’s stood still; imperceptible swaying; holding his thumb knuckle gently between his teeth; soft popping noises with his mouth; tapping his palms with the tips of his fingers.
I have more but this is it for now.
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shimamitsu · 8 months
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i've been rotating so many mika and shima thoughts in my head since chapter 55 came out so i might as well share them with the skiptuals. please don't take anything i say as a serious analysis or something i'm just loafing here. ok. i think the transition from shima to mika in the last two chapters wasn't unintentional at all. they (and their own arcs) resemble each other in ways i hadn't thought about until i read the latest chapter. let's start with how both of them have kinda "built" a public persona to navigate social situations. because of their respective past experiences, shima thinks that he's worthless if he isn't playing the role of the "perfect popular friendly guy", and mika's changed everything about herself so she could be accepted by other people. they're both insecure kids who have tried to find value in themselves by acting according to what others expected of them or what made others "like them more". but at the end of the day this is just putting a band aid on a major wound because the problem obviously lies elsewhere.
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this "persona", "facade", "mask", "role" or whatever you wanna call it is harming them rather than saving them. it protects them from getting hurt, but by doing so they're keeping people at arm's length and stopping themselves from genuinely connecting with others.
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that's why letting people get close to them and see through this front they put up is difficult for them, they've gotten used to wearing these masks after all. take mika's fear of rejection or how she was hesitant to stay with the girls in ch15 as an example, or shima being worried about how the way he's perceived by other people can make them dislike him. i think it's interesting how both nao-chan and mitsumi's reassuring words conveyed the same meaning on both occasions. "everyone here is friends with someone who threw up on the first day of school" means that people that love you won't stop doing it because you act a little weird or because you make mistakes (and vice versa!). "it's cute to be embarrased" is another way of saying that putting yourself out there, being vulnerable or trying new things won't be the death of you, what's more, it's endearing. both scenes are trying to communicate the same thing: don't worry, being yourself won't make people hate you (and if they do, who cares?).
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or, alternatively:
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and on that topic, i think chapter 46 and chapter 55 play the same role in shima and mika's character arcs, respectively. both of these chapters are turning points for them. even if the connotation is different, both mitsumi and nao-chan deliver lines that should be exhibited forever in the skip to loafer hall of fame. mitsumi tells shima, who's always thought that he had to be like this or that to be valuable, that no matter who he is she'd still like him. nao-chan tells mika, who's always wondered if anyone would ever love her as she is, that she will definitely find someone who does. both these statements are direct, sincere and come from people who care about them. they're not empty words, they're not saying this just to cheer them up. these are facts. these words refute their deepest fears.
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even if mika and shima's character arcs are going in different directions (and each of them has their own circumstances), both of them are in the process of internalizing these ideas. i'd say mika's getting closer because she's always been the type of person who's in tune with her feelings, unlike shima. it's clear after the last chapter, like how she opened up to nao-chan and how she was ok with mukai listening. but shima's getting there too, this arc was definitely a decisive moment for him. that's why i'm only pointing out a few similarities i've noticed, they're both doing their own thing. and as i said before, they're not alone in their journeys, the people around them are helping them too. you know how nao-chan said in the last chapter that someday mika "will definitely find someone who will love her, warts and all?" i've said in one of my previous posts that even if nao-chan was referring to a romantic partner, i think that what she said can also apply to any kind of relatioship. that's why i believe it's important to mention that the first character who sees beyond mika's facade is... mitsumi! and well, that's because mitsumi is mitsumi. even though mika wasn't very nice to her at first, mitsumi still goes to her and asks for her help. mitsumi's not telling her "i'm overlooking your bad points because there might be something good underneath it all" or something, we know she's not that kind of person. she's looking directly at mika and telling her "because of the way you treated me i know you can help me". she welcomes mika into her life and into the group, warts and all.
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and that's not where it ends. kindness is like a domino effect. once you're shown kindness, you can't help extending kindness to someone else. we can see it in the way mika lends her beret to mitsumi when she feels bad about her bangs. nao-chan comforting mika wouldn't be possible if people like mitsumi or goro weren't kind to her first. yuzu talking to mitsumi that one time at karaoke gave her a little confidence to talk to makoto and befriend her. almost 40 chapters later, makoto goes to yuzu after she finds out what happened with her classmates. shima might not even realize, but him helping mitsumi on their first day of school was literally what started it all. and of course, being kind to yourself will come with time too. kindness is a never-ending cycle. kindness moves us into growing, and that's what sukirofa is all about, really.
peace and loaf on planet earth
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bts-hyperfixation · 7 months
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MTL will try fucking you with headphones in
So I’m not sure how to write this as a most to least as I don’t think one is more likely to do it than an other. If they are into it, it’ll be for very different reasons. But I can write about the situations in which I think they are most likely to fuck you in headphones.
Namjoon – I think he will come home and you are doing something domestic like cleaning and he will decide right then and there you are too sexy not to fuck immediately. He doesn’t care that you were dancing around with your headphones in and maybe didn’t hear him come in. He flips you to face him (sometimes a little too clumsily) and pushes you up against something so he can fuck you.
Seokjin – I think if he is fucking you in headphones it’s an accident. He didn’t realise you had airpods in when he started his advances. Actually it’s quite possible he thought you were ignoring him to tease him.
He walked in and made a flirty dad joke, you just sighed so he assumed you heard (it was actually because you were reading a terrible meme he sent earlier) and so he continues his advances, calling out once or twice more. Then he grows frustrated and gives up on words. Instead he stands at the end of the bed and drags your ankles towards him to make you straddle him. Only then does he notce the headphones but then it’s too late and he just starts going to town 🤷🏼‍♀️.
Yoongi – He has just finished producing his album and wants you to be the first to hear it so you are sat next to him or on his lap in his studio (thankfully freshly aired out from a marathon 6 days straight cooped up). You have the headphones on listening so carefully to every beat nodding your head along, watching the frequencies on the screen.
He is watching you, enjoying every gasp and giggle as you enjoy his finished product, all his anxiety melting away because he knows you like it. And he can’t stop his hands from roaming and then you are leaning against the sound board (fortunately put in the locked position) and he is fucking you as you listen to his next masterpiece
Hoseok – His is a kink thing. A sensory deprivation kink thing. Most likely accompanied with either a blindfold or handcuffs, maybe using all three if the trust is there and his partner is so inclined.
I think he would rotate the sorts of things he would play depending on the mood. If he is feeling particularly vain then it’s BTS. If the mood is romantic he puts on /your song/. If he is feeling kinda sadistic he just puts them on noise cancelling mode.
Jimin – Also possibly accidentally on purpose. He starts kissing at your neck not realising you were watching music videos on your phone and when you go to take them out he has the brainiac idea to tell you not to and it leads to some fun and interesting orgasms that you didn’t know you would be in to then it just naturally becomes part of your routine from time to time.
Taehyung – He is quiet in bed, but found that sex noises turn you on, so he comes to you with the idea of listening to a boyfriend ASMR while you fuck and it in turn makes you louder for him which he enjoys greatly. In fact he cannot get enough of it.
Jungkook – similar to Tae, he wants you to listen to ASMRs, not because he is quiet, but because he got too many noise complaints during his late night karaoke so he has to be quieter now.
Only problem being he gets jealous that you are now listening to another man. So he records his own for you, they start out as voice memos from his phone but he eventually graduates to using the studio to get a crisper sound and add more production value because he is a perfectionist.
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Text
I have this incredibly specific WrioChi scenario rotating around in my head that I have to throw out there before it drives me insane. Imagine the following:
Childe seeing Wriothesley walking out of his office, calling out to him, and leaping right off the second floor of the administrative zone at him, and Wriothesley panicking and dropping everything in his arms to catch him and then reprimanding him to "Stop DOING that, you brat!!!" And Childe is just like "but it's fun and you always catch me!"
"I should let you drop," Wriothesley grumbles, though his hold doesn't loosen. If anything, Childe feels his grip tighten slightly as the redhead pretends to contemplate the possibility.
"Mmmm..." he hums thoughtfully, "well, I guess I'll have to hope I land on my feet!" The shrug that follows gets the Duke's brows to twitch lightly on his otherwise stone cold expression.
"You'll break your legs from that height." His grip tightens again. Childe grins. He knows this of course. Vision users have tougher bodies, so he'd have to land wrong, but breaking a bone was a very real possibility. However, he'd heal it off relatively quickly, especially compared to the havoc his Foul Legacy wreaks upon his body, and it was a risk he was willing to take. Not only did Childe have plenty of trust in his own body's capabilities and expertise in executing dangerous drops and cushioning rolls safely, but:
"You will never let that happen." Childe's confident reply echoes in the nonexistent space between them, reverberating through Wriothesley's bones.
"I just told you, I will let you fall," Wriothesley scowls down at him. His grip is a little painful, but his voiced threat is rendered ineffective against Childe, who smiles, softer this time, the sharp teasing corners tempered by the concern that was pacing a visible hole through the frost of the other's gaze.
"You told me you should, Your Grace, but your eyes say you won't." For a second those same eyes widen at his words, and Childe knows he hit the nail on the head. He grins in delight as Wriothesley averts his gaze silently, confirming it further.
For a man who was once meant to keep him captive and kept so many secrets, the Warden was a terribly easy man to trust in.
Childe was never a fan of... relying on others. It wasn't really in his playbook, couldn't be, with the kind of profession he was in, the coworkers he worked with. Physically, letting any part of his plans fall on anyone else's shoulders always came with a threat of failure and fatality. Emotionally, the idea of letting people close to him, like his family, in on his worries was even more devastating. Frankly, letting anyone else into his heart and head was always going to be out of the question. Or so he thought.
The Traveler, was one such newcomer into Childe's limited circle. And when they both found themselves in Fontaine once again for one reason or another, the Traveler, ever the networking expert, introduced him to Wriothesley over a cup of the Duke's fine tea. Introduced was, admittedly, a strong word for a situation in which Wriothesley already had his name, family's names, occupation, and detailed criminal record on file. It was a jarring experience to say the least, to have a complete stranger ask after the well-being of his siblings, but at the end of the day, he could finally put a face to the grand title he had heard so many times during his stint in the prison. Even with the amount of reverence people spoke of their Duke with, Childe had been unprepared for the kind of person he really was in the flesh.
Shrewd and cautious, stomping out problems quickly and efficiently. Polite and charismatic, yet tangibly dangerous and unafraid to resort to brutality when his hand was forced. Wriothesley was nothing if not reliable; he protected his values and people with a steadfast viciousness that Childe recognized intimately -- an indomitable, resolute determination that matched his own.
It seemed like there was nothing thrown his way that Wriothesley couldn't handle, and Childe couldn't help but want to test the limits. Posing himself as the world's most difficult problem to solve was an endeavor that came quite naturally to the Harbinger, but perhaps it was Childe's limits that had truly been tested.
Wriothesley had stepped up to the challenge before him and, while neither had expected to tumble into bed together in the process, it had not been unwelcome. Under the Duke's attentive gaze and steady hands Childe found himself being taken apart piece by piece and reconstructed into a version of himself that felt lighter somehow. It was months later that Childe lay awake with the realization that the lightness came with the missing pieces, the shards of his long-fragmented heart that Wriothesley gently pried out from his scars and bones and swallowed down diligently to keep them safe inside himself. And yet, Childe had never felt more whole.
He had come to trust Wriothesley to a degree he could have never even imagined. It was... less frightening than it should have been to have someone hold his heart this way. To have someone he felt so completely safe with. Childe knew that on a physical level he was the overall stronger fighter from their spars, but this did not take away from the serene sense of security Wriothesley's presence gave him. To put it simply, Wriothesley was someone he found himself comfortable with. He was someone who did not judge him at face value, but rather worked to understand his behaviors on a level Childe could never recall anyone bothering to do. Even now, it felt as though the other had already figured out Childe's motivations on a deeper level than Childe himself.
The Duke looks at him again, this time his eyes alight with a streak of mischief that makes Childe's pulse skip a beat in anticipation.
"...Tell you what, if you stop throwing yourself off the mezzanines, I'll reward you."
"A reward from the Duke himself? Must be quite generous!~" Childe fishes coyly for any further information with a lash lidded look and his fingers playing with Wriothesley's tie. The wolfish grin the Duke gives him in response sends a spark flickering down his spine. Wriothesley sets him down, one hand settling familiarly on his hip as the other comes up to tilt his chin up to hold his gaze.
"You'll have to find out, won't you? Although you can rest assured I am a firm believer in paying people what they are owed." Wriothesley's eyes glitter with promise, keeping Childe's breath hostage in the back of his throat. No precise details, huh? Well, Childe is a curious man by nature, so this suits him just fine; the intrigue adds to the fun of it all.
"I'll take you up on that then, Your Grace. I'll make sure to be a good boy for the duration of this visit, and we'll see if your reward is satisfactory enough for me to behave next time, " he teases lightly, and Wriothesley huffs a sharp chuckle of amusement through his nose, giving Childe's hip an affectionate squeeze of agreement before letting go to go pick up what he had dropped earlier to catch him.
Childe missed his touch already.
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not-quite-normal · 10 months
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Hey there, industry 3D animator here (television in vancouver)- you mentioned being on projects you didn't care about, how did you muscle through them?
hi fellow vancouver animator! if you're currently on a project that you don't care for then i'm very sorry, i know how exhausting it can be. especially if you feel like you don't have any other options. i've worked on a lot of projects, both tv and feature, that i didn't care for at varying degrees and it's never easy to make your way through them if you don't enjoy what you're doing. at one point it got so bad for me that i questioned if animation was even something that i wanted to continue doing because i was just churning out animation for a preschool show (which a lot of people enjoy and is very legit and stable work! it just wasn't for me). i ended up taking extra long lunch breaks and afternoon walks every day just to Not Work lol. it can be very tough. that was the only job i ever quit. luckily the next project i moved to reignited the animation fire in me and reminded me why i enjoy it
a few pieces of advice come to mind
make sure you take time for You. i know a lot of vancouver studios don't pay overtime; if they're not paying you then you don't owe them your time. decide what you have to do to make your work Good Enough to get you through your day and go home at 6
touch grass, and i mean this in a very genuine way lol. go for walks, explore new places, but mostly just get away from screens for a bit haha
keep your job options open. apply for jobs that start before your contract is up because you can leave that contract at any time, it's okay, you won't get blacklisted for it (as long as you give them two weeks notice). if it sucks, hit da bricks
if you have the means, try to work on saving up some money to take time off between projects. i know i'm speaking from a place of privilege on this one, but a couple months off can cure any level of burnout
work on your own personal projects! this can be hard to do if you're creatively burnt out though, i had to stop animating in my free time because animation was already taking up too much of my creative energy at work. i started doing a lot of writing while working on atsv and it was very refreshing to focus on something that was still creative but a completely different skill from animation
try to find the opportunity to learn something. even on projects that i didn't like, i still got something out of them. make your workflow more efficient by thinking about where you spend the most time and how you can make it faster (posing hands? create a hand pose library. counter animating the arms/head/spine? play with the rotation parenting on the rig. need a camera to do a big smooth sweeping arc? use a pivot point). think about common notes that you're given and set your scenes up that'll be easier to change if you get those notes. bonus, this will help you with #1 on this list and being a faster animator is always highly valued, even in feature anim where quota is sometimes one shot per... month
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askmerriauthor · 9 months
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regarding pokemon sleep, it looks like you’re just looking for things to complain about. it’s designed to be this chill thing you check on during the day and leave running at night. to play it, all you have to do is sleep and feed your pokemon. no one’s telling you you to have to be the very best at it or pressuring you into paying for stuff, let alone the game itself.
If I was just looking for things to complain about, I'd still be out here whinging over Pokemon Cafe's delightfully charming art style being absolutely wasted on a junk puzzle game instead of a full RPG or cozy slice-of-life Sim.
Regarding this post here.
Hi, I'm MerriAuthor. Apparently we haven't met because anyone who follows my blog would know that I've worked in game development well on 20 years now. I've worked across the industry from little nobody indie houses, to overseas gacha-fodder, to big ol' AAA major studios. Video games and their design are a big part of my life and, boy howdy, do I have some FEELINGS about the direction the industry as a whole has gone in as the years go by. Especially in regards to the predatory monetization of gaming and how it actively preys on children, uninformed parents, people with addictive behaviors, people with hyper-competitive personalities, and similar behavioral traits solely for the purpose of making money at their expense.
it’s designed to be this chill thing you check on during the day and leave running at night. to play it, all you have to do is sleep and feed your pokemon.
As with the previous person I spoke with on this topic, that is the base function of the game. But it's by no means the design of the game. Pokemon Sleep's entire game play rotation and marketplace are designed around encouraging the Player to interact with it as much as possible within an intentionally limited time frame. Meanwhile, the game's own time scale is such that it expects Players to log hundreds if not thousands of hours of interaction with it. Its own base gameplay loop is a weekly schedule and its shop schedule is monthly. Some Pokemon require a bare minimum of 150 hours of logged sleep to even access. Pokemon Sleep wants you to be in it for the long haul.
It's also based on collection; nearly every facet of the game is listed numerically and with a percentage value or progress bar, which are functions designed to produce urgency to complete them in the Player. Human brains don't like seeing an unfinished goal, especially one represented so overtly as an unfilled progress bar or a percentage value with a decimal. Want to have your favorite Pokemon as your napping buddy but don't want to put in a ton of effort playing the game to boost up your Snorlax's power score? Better hope it's one of the low-tier Pokemon assigned into the lower brackets of the gameplay progression, because otherwise you're never going to see it. Though you could always just fork over some cash. Nearing the end of your week with Snorlax and you're just shy of a milestone you've been aiming the entire week for? Good luck! You can pay money for that extra little boost, and once you've done it you'll resent its absence enough to want to buy it again! Do you want to level up that cutie first Charmander the game gave you at the very beginning specifically to ingrain itself with faux emotional value into your favorite Charizard? Want your Eevee to evolve into one of its most popular Eeveelutions? Want a Lucario, period? You'll need to put in hundreds of hours of consistent sleep to save up enough Sleep Points exclusively toward that goal... or you can just buy access to it immediately, through first purchasing access to the Premium Subscription! A Premium Subscription which, again, doesn't auto-cancel if you delete the app and can't be canceled through the app itself, for all you distracted parents who don't pay attention to fine print and wonder why your kid's game is running up a bill on your credit card each month after the 14-day free period - just long enough for you to have forgotten all about it in the first place. Snorlax wants a specific kind of Berry this week, but none of the helper Pokemon you recruited gather that berry, or they do and are just too low on Energy to manage it? Aren't you lucky! The shop will just sell you solutions to these problems the game itself created specifically to get you to shell out money!
no one’s telling you you to have to be the very best at it or pressuring you into paying for stuff, let alone the game itself.
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Here's some screen shots from the game's own app page. Buttons to make purchases and drive interaction - the app store, sleep pass, how many dream shards you have, a prompt to buy more inventory space, your missions, your current goal, the progress meter and rarity values of your Pokemon's sleep styles, your collection and their levels, etc - are all constantly and prominently displayed. The entire first day of actual gameplay in the app is a tutorial explaining how it wants you to do more than just sleep and passively collect to the point that it literally sets a daily schedule of activity for you. The mechanics explanations are so egregiously long that the Professor character literally apologizes to the Player for being so long-winded about it. Oh, an adorable moment of self-depreciation and understanding! How humanizing and encouraging of empathy from the user, done with a cheeky wink and nod. Now that we've softened your emotional state ever so slightly, here's some more microtransaction-driven gameplay elements!
If this was really just a cute little game to idle around with for its own fun, there wouldn't be a cash shop, nor would the game require a consistent internet connection to its servers. The big thing with games like these is that they're not made for the Player's benefit or entertainment. They're made to make the parent company profits. That's it. If the Pokemon Company didn't think they'd make substantial returns on the investment of development, support, marketing, and online distribution costs to put this game out into the world, they never would have made it. That is a core reality of any product put out these days. I just spent this last week helping my studio's marketing and sales team make sales projections for one of our upcoming titles, figuring out how much we could reasonably charge our potential customers literally down to the penny. And the game we're selling isn't even a service with any kind of microtransactions or DLCs. Profits are fundamental in any studio production and, where microtransaction apps are concerned, are the core focus of why the app exists.
If you're perfectly happy with playing Pokemon Sleep as an idle "pop on every once in a while, poke for a few minutes, then forget about and never pay a cent" kind of game? Totally fine, you do you. But understand that Pokemon Sleep doesn't want you as its player and will not cater to your experience. The core gameplay of Pokemon Sleep is already designed to actively degrade into a subpar experience for those who don't pay to play and that rift will only become more pronounced as time goes by. Everything around the cash shop exists for no other reason than to encourage you to use the cash shop. Over time, the gameplay will further contort itself to drive more interaction with and reliance upon the cash shop as the app sheds its non-paying users who just tire of it and move on, instead doubling-down on the lingering, paying users who have already proven themselves a reliable stream of revenue. That is how these things always go and have always historically gone.
There's also the consistently apt adage of "if you're not paying for the product, you are the product". Pokemon Sleep requires an internet connection any time you want to interact with the app - there is no offline mode. Further, the actual fine print in the terms of service (not the bubbly, legally-meaningless assurances put into the game text itself) addresses that it will collect and may share your device information, user ID, and app activity (ie, the schedules, timing habits, and spending habits the game itself has ingrained into its interaction with the Player) for analytics and advertising purposes, and that they're okay with sharing (ie, selling) that information to third parties without naming who those third parties are. And boy, does the game really want you to link your Google, Apple, and Facebook accounts to it as part of its core functionality! Worth keeping in mind as well is that the app requires constant access to your microphone and can pick up sounds as minor as a sheet rustling when you turn over in bed. The game's bubbly, meaningless text assures you that it doesn't save or transfer the snippets of sleep recordings it makes of you each night, but it makes absolutely no assurances whatsoever in the fine print that it's not using your microphone for other purposes. It does, however, point out that it will be making use of your phone's functions even when you're not using the app.
So, yeah, I'll just still be over here not playing Pokemon Sleep and encouraging others to do the same, as well as pay closer attention to the nature of so-called "free to play" games.
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