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heesdreamer · 2 years

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ONE HUNDRED AND ONE

PAIRING ➩ heeseung x reader

SUMMARY ➩ returning back home from a failed year at college, you’re reunited with your little brothers best friend who always had a crush on you. this definitely hasn’t changed, but he sure has.

WARNINGS ➩ smut (rough at times), reader is jungwon’s older sister and there is a small age gap. enha have been aged down for the sake of being in similar grades (maknae line are all 17, 02z are all 18, heeseung is 20 and reader is 22)

WC ➩ 19k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ not proofread of course lol and written at 5 am.. you know the drill by now. normally writing smut ruins the story for me but i think its fitting and a good choice here! let me know your thoughts NO PART 2 but feel free to ask any questions u found unanswered

When you found out you were going to be a big sister, you thought your entire world was going to end.

You’d spent the earliest years of your life listening to your friends complain about their younger siblings, cry when they had to share toys or their parents attention. So when your mother sat you down and explained that there was a baby in her belly, you were more than prepared to stand your ground and let the new enemies arrival know who was number one around here.

Five years old, you were stood in the hospitals waiting room with a pout on your face and your arms crossed in irritation, spending the morning listening to relatives gush about the babies arrival and waiting to see your mother after labor.

The anger stayed in your expression the entire walk down the hospital wings hallway, remaining strong as you crossed into your mothers room and not even faltering when she gave you a soft tired smile. You approached the bed, prepared to see the creature that was going to cause you a lifetime of pain and suffering.

And then he started to cry.

The thing about your friends younger siblings is; they simply were not Yang Jungwon. After the baby had come home and you continued to watch him grow and learn how to communicate, you waited for that angry and betrayed feeling to return like your peers had sworn it would, but it never arrived.

Jungwon was the absolute perfect little brother and you quickly adored him, following him around as he waddled throughout the house and giving him your toys to chew on whenever his little round head piqued up in interest. He rarely fussed, eating heavy portions and never quite growing into his big large eyes that would peer up at you everyday when you got home from school.

The same eyes that stared at you now, although now he was having to glance downwards considering his growth spurt during high school.

You’d barely walked through the door, bags and suitcase being dragged behind your back through the entryway, when you were being slammed full force into a tight hug by your little brother. He was 17 now, not quite little anymore but you quickly squealed and wrapped your arms around his neck when he lifted you up off the ground for a second.

“Baby brother.” You were exclaiming happily and he set you down, pulling back with a wide grin and sparkling eyes that kept widening in excitement.

You moving away for college has been hard on Jungwon, practically being best friends your entire lives despite the age difference causing some petty conflicts occasionally. You’d worried about him at first, never really being social outside of following you around when you went out with your friends but after he entered middle school he had found an entire group of kids his age and you felt less burdened when you had to leave.

It still didn’t make it any easier and the first few months you called every night, letting your little brother ramble about girls he had crushes on and things his friends got detention for.

Jungwon had been so proud of you for getting into a good college but you quickly became burnt out, slowly putting a stop to your nightly calls and rarely making the drive home for holidays anymore. You spent most of your days curled up on your dorm rooms couch, watching movie reruns from a decade ago and zoning out staring at your hefty workload.

Your parents had managed to convince you to come home for some time and decide what you wanted to do after your head got a bit more clear, even driving all the way up to your school to help you pack up your life into three measly boxes and bring you home for the next few months.

You felt ashamed and embarrassed about coming home at first, staying silent through the packing process and hurriedly walking out of the campus building to avoid any classmates stopping you and questioning why you were carrying so many bags. The excitement in your brothers face gave you the first sense of hope since you’d left, feeling a bit more okay about having to return home.

“Was the drive okay?” His voice was snapping you out of your train of thought and you smiled at him, messing up his hair and giving him a small nod before letting him take one of the bags off your shoulder. “You must be exhausted, mom and dad were right about waiting for the weekend to have the party.”

The two of you were leaving the entry way and making your way towards the kitchen area when the words slipped out of him, immediately freezing in your spot and seeing him wince from where he was standing. You cocked an eyebrow and your parents walked in just in time to catch sight of your expression and immediately sigh.

“You spoiled it, didn’t you?” Your dad was shaking his head at your little brother and moving past your frozen frame to deposit one of your boxes on the living room floor, glancing at your mom to help diffuse the situation.

“Listen honey, we were going to tell you we just… weren’t sure how you’d take it.” She was speaking in her typical soft tone, raising her hands in worry and giving you a guilty look.

“Mom a party is a terrible idea.” You were groaning softly and letting your bag slump to the floor, a childish whine slipping into your voice now that you were back at home and speaking comfortably to your family. “It’s not like I graduated or something, I basically dropped out. We can’t have a ‘congratulations you failed’ party, it’s humiliating.”

“You didn’t fail Y/N.” Jungwon was quickly cutting off your self depreciating rambles and you glanced over at him with another sigh. “It’s a welcome home party. We are welcoming you home!”

He sounded optimistic about it and you couldn’t help but crack a small smile at his tone and obvious excitement, the same excitement that led to him spoiling it in the first place.

It was such a typical Jungwon thing to be so optimistic about a party that wasn’t even for him, always the bright light to your more hesitant and cynical personality. He kept you having fun and being youthful when being a teenager was hard but he was still far more emotionally mature than most adults you knew, knowing when to ground himself and be realistic.

“Besides, all my friends will be there.” He was continuing on and you shot your mom an annoyed glanced to which she attempted to give you a stern look in return.

Whilst Jungwon was the best sibling ever, his friends were still very much typical teenage boys. You remember the first time he brought the group home in middle school, expecting to see a few meek kids who suited your brothers more timid personality and would address your parents with table manners and polite greetings.

Much to your surprise, apparently your little brother had managed to befriend the nosiest middle schoolers you’d ever encountered. You quickly remembered how much your friends had disliked their younger brothers and you imagined you’d have a similar belief if they were anything like the boys Jungwon quickly became near family with.

Sunoo and Riki were in the same grade as Jungwon, freshly entering middle school but they bickered and argued like adult men. Multiple times throughout the years, you had to physically step in between them and remove one from a situation before things got too messy. Outside of their tendency to clash, they were practically attached at the hip and quickly adopted your sibling to join their close duo.

The other boys were much more tolerable despite their own sets of various issues.

Jay, a year above your brother but decades older, weirdly reminded you of your grandfather at times. You’d hear him scolding the boys from the other room about watching where they fling controllers and on multiple occasions he had scolded you about having healthier lifestyle and diet choices.

Jake was practically his opposite in every way, a vacuum to junk food and a magnet to all things chaos. The boy had a tendency to lose his footing and his clumsiness really became a staple in his personality after he tumbled his elbow through the third piece of drywall in your house.

Park Sunghoon could barely speak a word to you for the first few years he came around, going as far as to verbally squeak and disappear around corners back to your brothers room whenever you came out to get a glass of water or ask them if they wanted you to order a pizza. He eventually started to warm up to you, managing to hold small talk by the time you left for school, but not nearly as quick as the oldest member of the group did.

Lee Heeseung had practically got down on one knee and proposed to you the moment he met you. Quite literally, considering you’d opened the door to greet them all for the first time and the boy had immediately pretended to faint into his friends arms, landing on an annoyed Jay who swatted him away and told him to greet you properly.

Being the oldest, Heeseung was three years older than your little brother which by default meant he was two years your junior, which was a fact he reminded you of almost every single time he saw you.

Whilst the other boys seemed to take you on as a sisterly figure, asking you for help with homework and requesting rides home from sport practices or late running hangout sessions, Heeseung had made it very clear that he saw you in a very different way. He was a flirt, albeit extremely harmless and mostly using terrible pickup lines he had stumbled upon online.

You found him funnier than you’d like to admit, absolutely never telling him this or even sparing him a chuckle during his hundreds of passes at you.

You weren’t too worried about actually hurting his feelings, assuming he was just infatuated with you because you were an older girl who was around all the time and that was practically a goldmine to a boy entering high school. So you continued on with your eye rolls and pushing him away whenever he purposely sat too close to you in the car on family road trips.

It wasn’t until your graduation that you considered the possibility you had been wrong about how fleeting his comments towards you really were. He’d never given up on the flirting but you figured it was just a habit by now, a running joke considering they’d eventually died down and became more tame the older you both got.

Then you were walking off that stage with a bright proud smile, your future pretty much guaranteed at a college that was driving distance and you pulled your brother and parents into a big hug before stepping back and catching sight of the boy standing behind a bouquet of big flowers.

Heeseung had nervously handed them over to you and the shake of his hands made your eyebrows furrow, so used to his extremely relaxed and comedic personality. You’d never really seen him nervous outside of a few moments during school where he’d failed an important test or had a particularly bad argument with his parents. You gave him a small smile and inspected the flowers.

“Are these baby’s breath?” You were glancing up at him and your eyes widened slightly in excitement at the smell of your favorite flowers. “These are beautiful Hee, did Jungwon tell you they were my favorite?”

“No… I just remembered.” He was smiling softly back at you and he looked relieved that you liked them, scratching his neck softly and watching as you smelled the high quality bouquet a few more times before smiling up at him again. “Actually I wanted to give you them because they-“

He was cut off by the sound of somebody calling your name a few times and you both glanced over, seeing a few of your classmates waving you over and positioning themselves in front of a camera. You laughed softly and amidst your excitement from the busy day, you completely missed the way his face fell as your attention quickly diverted away from him and what he was trying to tell you.

“They’re amazing Heeseung, I’ll make sure to put them in water as soon as I get home. Thank you again.” You were giving him another smile that made his cheeks flush, hand raising in a small wave before you were turning and disappearing into the crowd.

He watched as you posed in the photo with his flowers in your hand, your friends wrapping their arms around you and steadying their caps as you all prepared to start your adult lives in different schools and parts of the world.

You didn’t see the boy again after that for a while, spending the summer before college started with your friends and making some last minute memories before you were all apart for a while. Then you had your going away party and you, once again, were too focused on other things and you don’t recall ever even seeing him there despite the fact he always came to your family events and was certainly somewhere in the house.

It’d been three years now since you’d seen the seven boys all together and despite the constant messes and loud nights they’d caused you back in high school, you couldn’t help but feel a little bit excited to see them all again.

You definitely didn’t consider them your friends but you were fond of them and they made your little brother happy, listening to him ramble about their recent adventures all night while he helped you unpack your boxes and bags back into your childhood bedroom.

“We don’t have to do the party if you don’t want to.” He was telling you after you’d finished, standing in your doorway with his pajamas on and a toothbrush between his teeth. “It was sort of my idea but I don’t want to make you feel weird about being home.”

You felt guilty at the expression on his face, trying to remain steady and pretend he didn’t care but you could tell that he had been excited about the idea of people gathering to celebrate your return and knowing him, he most likely already had most of the details planned out in advance. As much as you weren’t necessarily looking forward to it, assuming it would contain a lot of awkward small talk and you explaining that you hadn’t graduated early and that’s not why you were home, you figured it wouldn’t hurt enough to cancel the whole thing.

“I think it could be fun.” You were shrugging from under your covers and if he could tell you were lying he didn’t show it as his face split into a grin around the plastic in his mouth.

Your little brother bid you goodnight in a soft voice, closing your door gently and leaving you to lay in your bed that slowly became unfamiliar to you. You stared at the posters on the walls, bands you no longer listened to and movies you’d forgotten the plot of. Everything was exactly the same and you were the only part of your life that had changed significantly, leaving you feeling out of place and isolated.

You sighed softly and rolled onto your side so you didn’t have to look at your bedroom that was frozen in time, letting yourself drift off to sleep and trying not to think about the fact you were back to square one.

——

It only took about half a day later for you to realize that you’d been wrong about being the only thing to change, incredibly wrong in fact considering how dumbfounded you currently were standing in front of your open front door and staring at the people in front of you.

When there had been sharp pounding on the wood, you hadn’t hesitated to swing it open despite the fact you technically didn’t live there anymore and it most likely wasn’t going to be somebody you knew. Still, it was a habit to not let guest stand outside on the porch unanswered and you felt complete deja vu when you swung open the door to see six people crammed together outside.

They were all hanging over each other to try and get a look at you first, excited grins on their faces and you were completely thrown off for a moment because how matured they all looked.

“So you are back.” Sunghoon was excitedly announcing, no sign of hesitance or his usual awkwardness when it came to addressing you. He’d always been handsome but he settled nicely into his features now that he was an adult and his shoulders were a lot broader now, perfect for supporting Sunoo who was grinning at you from over them.

“Jungwon texted us last night but we didn’t believe him.” Your head turned to match the voice and you smiled softly when you saw it was Jay, standing still in place and looking every bit as serious as he normally was.

“Why would he lie about that?” Jake was pushing past the others to enter the house first and he nearly tripped over the welcome mat, falling closer to you and barely steadying himself before he was pulling you in for a tight hug.

“Nice to see you too Jake.” You mumbled into his shoulder, wincing slightly at the force of his embrace. He pulled away with a dog like grin before moving aside so the others could file in.

You hugged them all individually as they passed through, feeling like you were seventeen again and they were coming over for a sleepover. Except now they were almost all adults and even Riki was towering over you now, the tallest of the group despite the fact he was barely coming up to your shoulder when you had left.

You paused after the fifth boy had passed through, faltering completely as you looked at the final member of the usual group and your eyes widened a touch.

“What, no hug for me?” Heeseung’s voice was ringing clearly in your ears but you still hadn’t processed that it was him standing in front of you.

Last time you saw the boy he almost resembled a scared hamster of sorts, always looking around with big wide eyes and not fully grown into his ears and long limbs. Part of the reason you’d never taken his advances seriously was because you couldn’t see him as a man most the time, full of boyish charm and a messy grin.

A grin similar to the one he was giving you now albeit this one was a lot more matured and carrying a heavy aura of confidence. A confidence he was definitely deserving of having considering he has clearly been working on both his physical health and his sense of style. You’d never once found yourself nervous around the younger boy but you were toeing the line of intimidated as you looked up at him now.

You pulled him in for a quick hug, hoping it wasn’t noticeably faster than the others before you were pulling away but keeping your hands on his upper arms.

“Woah… you’re..” You trailed off and your eyes widened slightly, squeezing his biceps in wonder and ignoring the way he let out a small laugh at your amusement. He was still looking at you with that almost cocky grin and you avoiding meeting his gaze for now.

“Yeah, hyungs been working out a lot to impress his girlfriend.” Riki’s voice was sounding from behind you, taking note of your fascination and you quickly dropped your hands from the boy to avoid any chance of misinterpretation.

You cleared your throat and took a step away from him, glancing up at him and realizing he had lost the casual grin and was glaring daggers at the youngest boy who was still stood behind you. You waited for him to move out of the doorway so you could shut it behind them, watching as they bounded up the stairs to go and get your brother.

You smiled softly at the nostalgia of it all and walked over to the kitchen, still having a few hours before the party actually started and being strictly instructed that you weren’t allowed to help with the set up portion of the night. Having nothing to do was driving you crazy however so you started to slowly chop up the vegetables that would be laid out on the snack table, humming to yourself softly.

“Need any help?” You were jumping in place and accidentally knocking over the pile of broccoli at the sudden sound of somebody speaking right next to your ear. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I thought you heard me coming.”

Heeseung was quickly bending over to pick up the soiled vegetables and you watched him, slightly flustered from the jumpscare and the fact he was glancing up at you from down at your feet to see if you were okay.

“It’s alright.” You quickly assured him, realizing he was waiting for you to say something and he watched you for a second before he was nodding and standing up to throw away the food into your trash can.

You were moving some carrots over to the cutting board instead, feeling strangely unsteady as he walked to the other side of the kitchens island and pulled a stool out to sit and watch you. You could feel him staring at your face as you chopped, occasionally glancing down at your uncoordinated hands and you cleared your throat uncomfortably.

“So.. is your girlfriend coming tonight?” You were asking, not sure why you had said it and quickly regretting it when you looked up at him and his face dropped.

“I don’t have a girlfriend. Riki doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” He was sighing and shaking his head, stretching forward slightly to grab a cut up piece of carrot off the board and throw it into his mouth before you could scold him.

“Not a girlfriend then, just your friend that’s a girl that you work out to impress.” Your tone was teasing as you said it but you kept glancing up at him to check his reaction, knowing that before he wouldn’t have minded the comment but things were different now. He just nodded in confirmation and watched you for a few seconds. “Why not your girlfriend?”

You imagined if this had been a few years ago he would’ve taken this opportunity to flirt with you, made some cheesy comment about you being the only girl for him and go on about how nothing could stand in between your destined love. You weren’t sure why you were disappointed when he did nothing but shrug softly.

“Shouldn’t you be upstairs with the other boys?” You eventually asked him in a soft tone, feeling calmer now that you started to feel familiar in his presence again. Despite looking shockingly different, this was still just Heeseung.

“I figured you’d be busy once the party started.” He was shrugging again like he hadn’t paid much thought to it but his stare was heavy on you. “Wanted to see you now before you were distracted.”

“I’d never be too busy to talk to you guys.” You were titling your head and shaking it slightly, a smile on your face that he didn’t match right away. He seemed like he was thinking about something you didn’t quite understand and your lip curved down a bit.

He was suddenly standing up and you paused in your slow chopping, setting the knife down and watching him as he rounded back around the island until he was standing beside you. You turned your body so you could actually face him and weren’t just showing him your shoulder, looking up at him and raising your eyebrows in confusion about what he needed on the side of the kitchen.

He didn’t say anything at first but your eyes widened a touch when he was taking a step closer to you, your back hitting the counter and your faces almost capable of touching if he ducked his head down to your height.

“What.. what are you..” You were trailing off into a small nervous laugh, your hands coming up to grip the counter behind you tightly.

“So you’ll find me at the party then?” He was asking before you could finish and his voice was a lot lower than you’d ever heard it, more used to high pitched laughter and boyish voice cracks over the lower rasp he was speaking in now. He was still suffocating close to you as he spoke and you imagined this would look pretty damning if someone were to walk in right now.

You were too stunned to respond to him right, mouth opening and closing for a few beats before he was reaching behind you to grab another carrot. You watched him as he popped it into his mouth, smirking at you slightly before taking a few steps backwards.

“See you then.” He was casually announcing like he hadn’t just practically been pushed up against you and you could do nothing but stare in bewilderment as he turned out of the kitchen and headed upstairs to your brothers room.

Your shoulders dropped in relief once he was out of sight , letting out a heavy breath and relaxing your white knuckled grip on the counter. You abandoned the carrots and raced up to your bedroom, trying your hardest to not think about the way your stomach had flipped with butterflies because of your little brothers friend.

——

“Wait a minute… like little Lee Heeseung? The kid who followed you around five summers in a row?” Your friends voice was crackling over your phone a few hours later and you groaned into the device.

“I know I know, but that’s exactly the problem. He’s not little anymore.” You stressed the words to try and get her to understand where you were coming from, embarrassed at the fact you had even admitted what had happened in the kitchen, whatever that was exactly.

“Yeah but dude you can’t get turned on by your brothers friend. It’s like gotta be totally immoral.” She was scolding you but you could hear the laughter in her voice as she shuffled with something on the other side of the phone. “Besides, he’s always been hot. You just never paid any attention to him.”

You groaned at his words and flopped over in your bed, laying on your stomach and stuffing your face into the pillow. You wished she didn’t word things so directly, suddenly feeling extremely wrong for the way Heeseung had made you feel. The second part of her sentence, for some reason, bothered you even more.

You had paid attention to Heeseung, you paid attention to all of your brothers friends. You considered the fact he had seemingly insinuated something similar in the kitchen earlier and you wondered if there was something you were missing, possibly forgetting a time you had directly dismissed the boy outside of playfully rejecting his faux flirting.

“Please don’t say it like that Yunjin, it makes me sound like a cougar or something.” You were practically whispering into the phone, extra paranoid about somebody overhearing considering all the boys were passing back and forth to help set up for the party.

“You are a bit of a cougar.” She was laughing into the phone but amidst your continuous groans and complaints she calmed herself down. “Isn’t he like 19 or something? That’s totally fine.”

“He’s 20.” You mumbled back, feeling even weirder that you were having to do the math to ensure what you were feeling suddenly was safe. It made your stomach turn to think about him in that way but every time your mind drifted back to the way he peered down at you in the kitchen, the feeling crept up again. “I’ve literally never even slightly considered this before, what am I supposed to do?”

“Well isn’t it obvious?” She was retorting in a dumbfounded voice, chewing on something loudly through the speaker and you winced in preparation. “Fuck him.”

You frowned as she said exactly what you were expecting her to, quickly telling her you were done with the conversation and hanging up as she laughed and asked you to call back later with updates.

You’d never in your life thought you would think about fucking Lee Heeseung. Actually, you’d never in your life even considered him in the regard of somebody who was capable of having sex with anybody or anything. He’d never once dipped a toe into your late night fantasies, never made you blush from skin to skin contact and he definitely never made you feel the way you did a few hours ago.

The knocking on your door took you out of your thoughts will a jump, so insecure about your inner monologue that you almost felt like whoever looked at you would be able to tell what you were thinking about.

Your mother was coming to tell you that guest had started to arrive and you quickly got dressed in a party suitable outfit, taking deep breaths in the mirror before putting on a sociable smile and joining in on the festivities that were centered around you.

It felt a little uncomfortable to be holding so many conversations with people you recognized but hadn’t seen in years, most the adults looking exactly the same but you couldn’t help the shock you felt when you realized their kids were speaking actual sentences now.

You somehow managed to go the first hour avoiding the sensitive topic of why you had come home in the first place and you had half the mind to assume your mom had asked people not to talk about it, both grateful for her care towards your feelings and humiliated that everyone was potentially avoiding the elephant in the room.

You didn’t spend too much time thinking about it considering you were avoiding your own elephant, a particularly well dressed one stood over by the drink table sipping, what you assumed, was your fathers fruit punch mix.

“Y/N, sweetheart. Do you mind refilling Ms. Jung’s cup for her? It’s such a hassle to get her walker out in the grass every time.” You stared at your mother in horror as she softly assigned you the task, knowing there was absolutely no way you could deny filling up your elderly neighbors empty cup.

You gave both women a tight smile, immediately loosing it and wincing when you were turning around and having to make your way over to the table that Heeseung was still standing at. He wasn’t looking in your direction yet thankfully and you reminded yourself that nothing had even happened, maybe you were reading too far into him just being comfortable enough to lean over you.

The table was halfway hidden behind the corner of the outside deck, neatly tucked into the back of the yard so it was visible but not in the way of guest who were mingling and having fun.

You’d barely taken a few steps before Heeseung was noticing you approaching, shifting in his stance and taking a sip of his cup as he watched you get closer and closer. You hoped your nerves weren’t evident on your face, already feeling ashamed of the way you accidentally scanned up and down his frame a few times as you got closer to him.

“Are you avoiding me?” He was asking before you’d barely even reached the table, startling you at his bluntness and your eyes widened a bit before you were shaking your head and reaching to grab the ladle from the punch bowl.

“Why would I be avoiding you?” You scoffed softly, trying to remember what you’d typically reply to him in this situation when you weren’t so thrown off by your crazy inner thoughts that had arrived.

“You tell me.” His voice was closer now and you turned your head to look at him, sucking in a small breath at the fact he was stood right next to your side and facing you now. You set the cup down on the table so you could look at him, finding it disrespectful to let people speak towards your shoulder.

Your eyes dropped down his frame again, taking in his outfit and then flicking back up just in time to see him cock an eyebrow at your staring. The two of you must have looked like you were intense conversation despite not saying anything for a few beats, standing too close to be casual. Not to mention the look in his eyes that made you look back down towards your hands after a few seconds of holding eye contact.

“I wouldn’t be avoiding you Heeseung.” You were shaking your head and fidgeting with your hands that were clasped together in front of you.

You weren’t technically lying, you hadn’t been actively going out of your way to not interact with him but you had also made no attempt to be near his side of the backyard.

He was nodding slowly down at you but you didn’t think he looked convinced. You would’ve been more worried about it and the fact you potentially hurt his feelings if it wasn’t for the fact he was suddenly taking more steps towards you. You instinctively moved backwards as he approached, not realizing how far until your back was colliding with the side of the house and you noted you were completely out of view from the rest of the guest now unless they approached the table directly.

“What are you doing?” You were asking him in a low whisper, staring up at him in surprise and flushing slightly at the way he was still just watching you, almost with a sense of amusement.

“Nothing. Just talking to you.” He was retorting casually but his hand was reaching up to push your hair behind your ear, falling down to rest on your side afterwards and you sucked in a breath at the feeling of him touching you.

You’d had contact with him hundreds of times before, stuck sitting on his knee during packed car rides or being smushed together on a couch during group movie night. You never thought for more than a second about it, slapping his arm when he would look at you and raise his eyebrows suggestively but other than that it was never something that lingered in your mind.

You knew immediately that this wouldn’t be the case for the way he was touching you now.

His hand was large and almost completely expanding the surface of your side, his fingers drumming along your hipbone for a second before remaining still like he was waiting to see if you were going to push him away. You thought about it, your instinct telling you to get him away from you due to your weakening self control and apparent moral ambiguity but your mind couldn’t help but to recall what Yunjin had said a few hours ago.

“We can’t do this.” You were telling him despite your uncertainty but your voice wasn’t stern in any sense and you let your hand come up to rest against his arm again to really drive forward your lack of meaning.

“Do what?” He was turning his head slightly like he was confused but there was a small smirk on his lips and he ducked his head down closer to yours, pulling your hips off the house so you were closer to him. “What are we doing Y/N?”

He was definitely teasing you now and you felt slightly breathless at how intimidating he suddenly seemed, feeling like you’d entered another dimension in which you were somehow getting goosebumps from the way Lee Heeseung held onto you.

You wondered if he found this as weird as you did or if he had changed so much to the point where he wasn’t thinking too much about toeing the line with his best friends sister. The boy you knew wasn’t big with girls, you never heard him talk about them with the others or brag about any interactions he had with the opposite gender.

He was especially silent on the topic whenever you were in the room, listening in from the kitchen despite the bored expression on your face. You’d catch sight of him sending you nervous glances as they asked him who he had a crush on at school and you’d smile at him before going upstairs and casually telling your friends about your brothers weird friend and his crush on you.

You didn’t know this Heeseung as well and that was clear to you by the way you could feel his breath fanning your face and your vision being completely blocked by his large frame keeping you pinned against the house.

Maybe this new version of him didn’t care about your history or how much conflict would arise if somebody were to suddenly want to quench their thirst right now and catch the two of you in such a compromising position. Maybe he put no meaning behind teasing you like this and he simply was just bored and looking to flirt with the nearest girl around his age.

“Why are you doing this?” You decided it couldn’t hurt to just directly ask him, although you weren’t sure how true that was considering you felt his hand immediately tense.

“Maybe I just missed you.” He was answering smoothly despite clearly being thrown off and you could feel his thumb swiping up and down against your dress, frowning slightly at the small shrug he gave you.

“You missed me?” You whispered back, keeping your tone light and almost teasing to try and revert him back to being comfortable around you again. He didn’t say anything but he watched you intently as you spoke. “You could’ve called.”

“Would you have answered?” His responses were quick like he’d been practicing again and you lost the soft smile that had been building up at the feeling of his touch.

“Why do you keep saying things like that?” You poured out at him in confusion, not understanding the multiple accusations like you had; at some point, upset him or made him feel ignored.

He didn’t say anything for a bit again and he seemed unfocused for a few seconds, you squeezed his arm softly to try and bring his focus back on to you and when he looked down at you again, you almost thought you were looking at him from five years ago.

You didn’t rush him to answer you but you felt slightly sick at the lack of understanding you currently seemed to have, also still stuck on the fact he had directly said he missed you. You had missed being around your family and you missed seeing all the boys together causing mayhem, missed the long summer nights and weekends up at the lake.

You weren’t sure you had specifically missed Lee Heeseung. He made you laugh a lot more than the other boys despite you never showing it to lessen his ego and you felt closer to him at times considering he was the oldest, easily understanding most of your struggles or difficulties whilst the other boys hadn’t begun to mature enough to properly empathize with you.

And sure he was cute. You felt thrown off completely by what Yunjin had said earlier about him always being attractive, definitely never considering him in that way and completely blind to the fact your friends apparently had.

“You were busy, I don’t know.” He was suddenly saying and taking you out of your consideration, vaguely answering your question. “I was just some stupid kid.”

His words seemed heavy and like they carried more meaning than just being the reason he didn’t pick up a phone and call you while you were away. You thought for a second so you could approach the sensitive subject carefully.

“That’s not why.” You were shaking your head and he watched you in anticipation, his hand instinctively pulling you forward again and you let yourself be tugged up against him. “You were Jungwon’s friend. You are Jungwon’s friend.”

You correcting yourself to remind him that it was still true made his eyes darken slightly. You felt guilty for saying it considering he had clearly thought his age was the issue and potentially decided that things would be different now but you crushed that hope by admitting that the thing that kept your relationship distant was not something he could change.

Despite feeling like he was hinting at something, you were still clueless to his intent and were speaking in a general sense, why you hadn’t considered him a friend or ever expected a phone call.

“So you don’t see me as a kid?” He was latching on to the good part of what you had said and you saw that confidence return slightly, your back pressing against the wall again but this time flush against his front.

“I did but…” You trailed off when your breath caught in your throat at the feeling of his hands sliding off your hip and instead landing on your lower back.

You felt the same wave of arousal you had in the kitchen when he leaned over you, staring up at him with wide eyes and slightly parted lips as you waited to see what he was going to do. Every time you focused in on who exactly it was touching you, you felt a bit dizzy but you couldn’t deny what you were feeling when he shifting his hips over yours and ducking his head closer to your neck.

“Heeseung.” You squeaked out in warning and you felt him pull you tighter at the sound of your voice saying his name, your tone breathy as he slotted his knee so it was resting between your legs.

He was barely touching you, not a single inch of skin touching skin and his leg just hovering between yours but you felt like your stomach was on fire and you were overwhelmed with desire for him suddenly, something you couldn’t remember feeling for anybody in recent years.

“Tell me to stop and I will.” He was whispering back to you and his lips were hovering over yours, brushing against them occasionally as he spoke and his eyes were dark enough to make a shiver run through your body.

You were parting your lips to answer him, to deny him stopping and ask him to keep doing whatever he wanted as long as he was still touching you but you quickly froze up when you heard the sound of Jake’s voice getting closer, loudly announcing his need for your dad’s famous punch.

Heeseung didn’t need to be told to remove himself from you, immediately taking two big steps back and you suddenly felt extremely cold and empty now that you were left stood against the house alone, dress slightly ridden up from his hands gripping onto your frame and breathing uneven. You steadied yourself and flushed with a deep embarrassment as the older boy casually turned to his friend who had approached the table and struck up a conversation.

He spared you a glance as he spoke to Jake and you realized he was giving you the opportunity to slip away undetected, immediately taking the chance and circling back around to the party.

You quickly approached your mom and told her you weren’t feeling good and you needed to go lay down, ignoring her questions about where your neighbors punch had gone and what had took you so long. You quickly greeted some guest as you walked swiftly through the yard, heading back inside and going to hide in your room until everybody , including Heeseung, had left.

——

You stayed in bed for the entirety of the next day, ignoring Jungwon’s soft knocks as he asked you to come down for breakfast or accompany him and his friends whilst they went out later on in the afternoon.

You felt guilty at your lack of responses, your door locked and hiding underneath your covers as your head spun with the memory of what had happened. You were totally embarrassed that you’d almost been caught with Heeseung, not even capable of imagining how hurt your brother might feel if you were found with one of his closest friends in such a way.

The two of you had never talked about it before because he knew you’d never considered any of them in that way, he’d roll his eyes and groan at Heeseung’s attempts of flirting with you but he seemed to know better than to take it seriously.

It still wasn’t a line you ever wanted to cross, not finding it worth the chance of upsetting him and damaging your close relationship.

You felt terrible that you were considering it now, contemplating if it was worth listening to your bodies wants and the way your stomach turned every time Heeseung entered a room you were in. So you had decided today you wouldn’t give the situation any more opportunity to grow, you definitely couldn’t stand being in a car with him or out in public like things were casual, like anything that had happened was normal.

It was a few hours after they’d left to their plans that you were getting a text from your brother letting you know that they had all decided to come back to your house to spend the night, not finding any reason to all go to their separate homes considering they’d just be together again tomorrow.

You knew he was only letting you know so you didn’t accidentally step on Sunoo asleep on the living room floor or get spooked by Riki heading to the bathroom at 3am but you couldn’t help but take it as the universe giving you some warning that Heeseung was going to be back in the house.

You sent him a quick text letting him know you didn’t mind and thanking him for the heads up before you were laying the device back down on your chest, staring up at your ceiling and eventually hearing the sounds of the boys all entering the house with loud laughs and heavy footsteps as they changed into their sleep clothes and made makeshift blanket beds on the floor between the couches.

It was vibrating against your chest after about half an hour of zoning out in contemplation and you ignored it for a few minutes before realizing it could potentially be Jungwon needing something, already feeling guilty enough about ignoring him in real life and not wanting to add to your misery by doing it virtually too.

Lee Heeseung : Are you awake?

You froze up at the notification on your phone, closing down the screen immediately and sitting up in bed with a jump. You took a few breaths and waited a moment before you were turning on the screen again to confirm what you had read.

Hesitantly, you swiped open the screen and watched it unlock onto you and Heeseung’s text conversation. You could see the one above, him having wished you a happy birthday two years ago and you replying back with a small photo of a cute dog saying thank you. He had hearted your message but never actually replied to the dry response from you and your heart twisted uncomfortably as your fingers hovered over the keyboard.

Y/N : yeah why

Y/N : are you okay?

You hesitantly sent the second message before flipping your phone back around nervously and waiting to feel it vibrate again.

Lee Heeseung : Can you let me in?

You froze for a second in confusion, not fully understanding what he was talking about until your eyes were slowly trailing up towards your lock door. You could feel your heart racing as you slowly stood to go and open it, mouth parting softly when it revealed him standing in the hallway.

His hair was messy and damp like he’d just washed it, wearing a black tshirt and sweatpants for sleeping in. You weren’t sure if the other boys were already sleeping or if he was just acting on impulse and not thinking before coming to your bedroom. You had a feeling it might’ve been the latter considering the smell of alcohol coming from him as he shuffled past you into your bedroom.

You watched him flop down onto your bed, his face pressed into your pillow as he laid on his stomach. You sighed softly but followed behind him, opting to sit on the edge of your bed beside him instead of crawling back underneath the covers and putting yourself in a dangerous position. “You’re drunk?”

“No.” He was rolling over flat onto his back with a low groan and turning his head once he completely rolled, looking at you with low hazy eyes. “Just had a few drinks.”

This sentence felt weird to hear come out of his mouth, still underaged now technically but he’d been young enough when you left that he didn’t even consider drinking. You gave him a disbelieving stare but you could tell he was being honest, only slightly slurring his words and his eyes were sharp and focused as he stared at you.

“God.” He was suddenly letting out in a breathy voice and you raised an eyebrow in question. “If you told me from five years ago that’d I’d be in your bedroom… he would’ve punched me in the face.”

You laughed softly at his abrupt confession, shifting on the bed so you were sat fully on it and leaning against your headboard. You were thinking something similar, the image of both of you side by side in your pajamas would’ve most likely caused 18 year old you to scream bloody murder and kick him out of your bedroom.

“Don’t exaggerate.” You told him softly with a smile, he laughed a bit and then was shaking his head against your bed.

“I’m serious, you have no idea how many times I..” He was suddenly trailing off and freezing like he had said too much, your own smile slowly slipping off in confusion as you watched

him glance over at you. Your eyes habitually shot down to his shirt for a second, taking deep breaths that caused his broad chest to rise and fall.

When you looked back up at him, his eyes had darkened more and you held your breath as his hand slowly moved closer to where you were sitting. You didn’t say anything when you felt his knuckles grazing over your bare thigh, wearing shorts to bed typically and suddenly being grateful you had.

It was the first time he had directly touched you with no layers in between and if you weren’t already set on risking everything to feel him touch you again, now it was increased tenfold at the feeling of his warm skin against yours. He was flipping his hand over so the entirety of his palm was resting on the middle of your thigh but he didn’t move it again, just testing the water.

“How many times you what?” You whispered to him, even though something told you that you already knew the answer. You still wanted to hear him say it and your patience grew thin as he did nothing but watch you with low hazy eyes. “Heeseung.”

“I’ve probably had too much to drink.” He was laughing softly and closing his eyes but you could tell he was just trying to distract you from what he had almost said, clearly embarrassed at his loose tongue and laughing out of nerves.

You don’t know why you didn’t drop the subject, why you didn’t just nod your head and ask him something safe like how their night out was. You were totally bewildered by yourself when your hand was reaching down to cover his, sliding it up your thigh a touch until his thumb was hitting the bottom of your small shorts. His eyes shot up to yours and widened a bit before looking back down towards your lower half.

“I won’t make fun of you.” You were trying to reassure him but your voice had a similar nervous shake to it, especially at the feeling of his hand tensing. “I just.. want to hear you say it.”

“Used to jerk off to you all the time.” He was saying it in one breath and you tensed up at his sudden words. He wasn’t trying to sound sexy or tease you, simply fulfilling your request with urgency as soon as he noticed you didn’t mind what he was implying. “Almost every time I saw you.”

You’d frozen up for a few second at the vulgarity of the statement before you felt the familiar rush of arousal running through you, accelerated by the way he was mindlessly kneading your thigh as he watched you to see your reaction to his confession.

It was hard for you to imagine, obviously understanding boy hormones paired with the fact he had clearly had some form of interest in you back then but you had no idea it went as far as it did. You were completely clueless to the fact that he was genuinely fantasizing over you, touching himself once he got home and thinking about doing god knows what whilst he did it.

The thought should’ve made you uncomfortable, knowing now that he spent all those years thinking about you sexually so often but instead you couldn’t help but shift slightly on the bed so your leg was pressing against his shoulder, lifting your other knee and bending it so his hand could sink between your legs if he wanted to.

“What would you think about?” You were asking him suddenly and he sucked in a breath. Your eyes were wide with curiosity and it almost could’ve passed as innocent if it wasn’t for your hand covering his, keeping his touch on you.

“Fuck… just anything.” He was admitting and he let out another laugh but this one was more so directed towards himself and his past. “Just the thought of you most of the time, didn’t even need to be doing anything.”

“What about the other times?” Your breath was hitching when his thumb was shifting forward again and accidentally swiping underneath your shorts, something so small feeling magnified by the heavy tension in the room.

“Just wanted to touch you I think.” His eyes were fluttering close like he was lost in thought and you watched the side of his face intensely. “Sometimes I’d think about you teaching me shit, showing me how to do stuff that would make you feel good.”

His answer, although clearly filthy and way past the line you’d silently established, was strangely sweeter than you’d expected it to be. You were prepared to hear him admit how much he wanted to fuck you, prove to you what a man he was all along. Instead he had imagined just being able to feel you, to learn what you liked and what made you feel pleasure.

“But you know stuff now don’t you?” Your voice was soft but he definitely caught it, his eyes flickering open and looking at you with something heavy.

“Yeah.” He was breathing out. “I do.”

He was starting to sit up after saying that but you hurriedly put your hand on his chest to stop him, instead laying down as much as he was so you were laying against his side while he was still flat on his back with his head propped up on your pillows. You were practically curled into his side now, keeping one of your hands on his chest and using the other to rest under your head as you looked at him.

You weren’t sure how much experience Heeseung had although he had just alluded to doing something before, you toyed with the idea that he could be lying to try and impress you but one of your favorite things about him was his blunt honesty whenever you directly asked him a question.

“Can you show me?” You heart was racing as you voiced your request, his eyebrows furrowing with confusion before your hand started to slide down his chest and stomach, stopping at the waistband of his sweatpants.

His breath hitched again at the implication but he was quickly nodding and shifting slightly so he could pull them down, wasting no time in case you started to come to your senses and change your mind or ask him to leave you bedroom. You’d seen Heeseung in his underwear before, or swim trunks bordering on the same amount of exposed skin, but it was a noticeably different setting now.

His legs were thick with muscle now and more importantly, he was clearly already hard underneath the fabric despite the fact you’d barely touched each other. Whatever he was thinking about with his eyes closed seemed to have done the trick and you kept your eyes glued on his lower half before glancing at him again to see what he was waiting for.

“How is this happening right now?” He was muttering under his breath to himself and you didn’t reply, mouth parting in a small gasp when he moved his hand to cup his bulge through the thin fabric.

You watched with slightly widened eyes as he rubbed himself, letting out small groans and sucking in tight breaths and he tried to keep himself calm under your intense gaze. You could feel him continuously looking at your face but you didn’t take your eyes off of where his hand was.

His stomach tightened when you were moving yours up off where it was resting on the bed between you, pushing his shirt up slightly so it wasn’t in the way of his movements and also so you could watch the way the muscles contracted with every touch. He had goosebumps on his arm from the way your fingers slowly trailed up his stomach, eventually laying flat over his belly button and feeling the way he took deep breaths the more overwhelmed he got.

“Is this how you’d do it?” You were suddenly asking him, increasingly curious about his habits and he shook his head softly with another grunt. “Did you ever do it here?”

“Fuck.” He was forcing out as he laughed again softly in disbelief, you finally looked at his face and he was watching you intensely with a flush on his cheeks. “Y-your birthday.. the pool party after you hugged me goodbye in that pink swimsuit.”

“You remember my swimsuit?” The surprise slipped into your voice and he gave you a heavy look, like it was something obvious that he would remember something so small and specific about you.

Your stomach felt like it was on fire at the thought of him not even being able to make it home after you’d pressed yourself up against him absentmindedly, needing to resort to relieving himself quickly in your bathroom just because you’d been showing some skin.

Your hand was pushing up his shirt more again, rubbing up and down his stomach and your eyes flickered down again just in time to see him pushing his hand underneath the waistband of his underwear and letting out a big breath as he finally touched himself without anything in the way.

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds and you wondered if he was trying to calm himself down to make this last longer, testing the theory by shifting your leg so it was over his right one and resting near where his hand was currently working against himself. His free hand was coming up to instinctively grab onto your bare skin and stop you from making contact with where he was throbbing, gripping just under your knee tightly and shaking his head at you.

You smiled softly, cheeks flushing at the fact he’d clearly caught on to what you were doing but you were grateful when he didn’t remove his hand from you, instead sliding it back up to your thigh and holding it tight and still on top of him.

“I can’t believe this is real.” He was mumbling again and you snorted a laugh at his second exclamation of amazement, ducking your head down so your forehead hit his shoulder and you could feel his heart beating so fast you were almost worried when your hand slid further up his chest.

“Heeseung.” Your voice automatically made his focus snap back on you and he eagerly nodded to show he was listening. “I want to see you.”

He paused for a second before nodding again and hurrying to fulfill your request, shifting his lower half so he could move his boxers farther down on his thighs and give you a clearer view of the way he was touching himself, you laid your head on his shoulder and turned it sideways so you could watch him, stroking himself slowly to full hardness while trying not to overwhelm himself.

Definitely not for the first time, you found yourself thinking about how pretty he was. He’d always been a pretty boy to you, even back when you were younger but you were realizing now that almost every single part of him was apparently perfectly crafted and beautiful, another wave of arousal ripping through you as you watched him twist his hand around his impressive length and buck his hips softly in pleasure.

“Sometimes you’d.. fuck.” He was trailing off into a moan and you picked your head up off his shoulder to look at his face and raise an eyebrow. “Sometimes when you’d sit on my lap during road trips.. god I was so worried you’d feel how hard I’d get just from being that close to you.”

“You should’ve said something.” You were telling him with a small frown but you both knew how that would have turned out, absolutely no chance of you returning his desires or even allowing him to say such things to you without upset.

He still seemed to appreciate even being able to humor the idea that you would have let him touch you back then, his hips twitching under your leg and you softly rubbed his stomach after laying your head back down near his collarbone. You could tell that Heeseung was close and clearly trying to drag it out for some unknown reason, not working himself as fast as he wanted to and holding his breath tight every few minutes.

You tried to calm down the flush in your face when you were turning your head to kiss alongside his jaw gently, listening to the inhale he took and the way his arm tensed from where it was pressed against you.

Your lips slowly trailing across his face and down to his neck seemed to officially push him over the edge, no longer able to delay his orgasm that was rushing through him and causing him to let out groans far too loud for your quiet house. Your hand was leaving his stomach to gently cover his mouth, pulling off his neck with a wet smack to look down again and watch as his stomach twitched under the cum now decorating it.

The silence afterwards was overwhelming, listening to him take deep breaths and calm himself down while your heart was beating so fast you almost feared he could hear it.

An awkwardness settled into your skin and you weren’t sure if it was just you or if he felt it too, the realization of what you’d just done hitting you. This wasn’t just some random hookup, not some guy you wouldn’t have to see after this. This wasn’t something casual or without consequences, you had fully crossed a line that you couldn’t backtrack over with somebody you’d spent most of the second half of your life knowing.

“Are you okay?” His soft voice was a direct reminder of that and your eyes shot up to his face, feeling a sick guilt at the nerves settling into his face now that the spell of lust had died back down.

“Yeah I just…” You sat up more and cleared your throat awkwardly, looking away from him and after a few seconds you were standing to go and get him a rag from your bathroom. “I think you should probably head to bed.”

His mouth parted in surprise and you saw a flicker of hurt pass through his face as you extended the rag to him, feeling his fingers graze against yours as he took it and cleaned himself up with a sudden blush creeping up his neck.

You felt more and more guilt eating away at you as he dressed himself properly again with that look on his face but you couldn’t take seeing him in your bed for another second, the reality of what you had done fully settling in now and leaving you with a sick feeling in your stomach.

Heeseung was standing in the hallway after you’d walked him to the door awkwardly, still just stood in place and staring at you and you softly closed the door on him after wishing him a mumbled goodnight. You knew you should’ve reassured him that it was okay and that he didn’t do anything wrong but that felt like a lie to you right now anyways and you didn’t think it was fair to confuse him by telling him you didn’t mind it.

The guilt remained even after you heard him softly going down the stairs, curling back into your bed and finding that your blankets smelt like him now.

——

The next morning came quickly and you immediately knew you wouldn’t be able to repeat your hermit behavior from yesterday, being woken up by your moms fist slamming on your door and strictly reminding you that you were all meant to go up to the lake house for the weekend.

You groaned softly into your pillow but you knew there was no use in complaining, dragging yourself out of bed despite the fact you’d barely slept more than a few hours after Heeseung had left.

You took the longest to get ready, slipping on a bathing suit underneath a dress and packing a small one strap bag with the essentials. You were criss crossing it over your chest and racing down the steps, hurriedly apologizing to your mother as you passed her glaring at you in the doorway.

When you got outside, your footsteps slowed to a stop as you watched all the boys and you dad loading up the van, frowning slightly as your body quickly reminded your brain about what had happened. Jungwon gave you a small smile and greeting and you could see Heeseung following his line of sight and perking up at the sight of you, hoping he didn’t notice how you quickly looked away.

You all piled into the van and luckily your parents knew you far too old to be stuck on somebody’s lap the entire ride, still being stuck pressed tightly between Heeseung and Jay in the back row.

You were grateful for the boy on your right considering he immediately popped in his headphones and pulled his sleep mask over his eyes, not able to say the same about your other seat partner considering he was staring at you intently the second you sat down and making you squirm in your seat.

Your phone was vibrating in your lap and you glanced down at it, picking it up and turning down your music so you could focus on reading the text.

Lee Heeseung : Why are you avoiding me?

He was shifting beside you, obviously embarrassed you were reading his text and you looked over at him quickly before flushing and going back to stare at the message on your screen. Your fingers hovered for a few seconds as you tried to think of a response, knowing you couldn’t just ignore him and sit in awkward silence for the next two hours.

Y/N : im not.. we can talk once we get up there

You sent the text and shut your screen off quickly, watching the side of his face as he turned on his own device to read it. He nodded softly at you after he had and your heart clenched at the hesitation in his eyes.

He took the hint and didn’t try to talk to you again for the rest of the ride, making you feel weirdly disappointed despite him just following your instructions. You felt confused by your own actions so you couldn’t imagine what he was thinking, your body and mind finding comfort just from the feeling of his leg pressed against yours but at the same time you felt regretful about what you’d done.

You felt even worse when your brother was glancing back in his seat to smile at you with excitement, giving you an encouraging thumbs up and you forced a smile back at him.

You turned the music in your headphones back up to full volume and tilted your head sideways so it could land on Jay’s shoulder, closing your eyes and trying not to think about the hole you’ve dug yourself.

——

Heeseung and you didn’t get a chance to talk until later on in the day, all the kids being tasked with unpacking bags and making adjustments to the lake house that hadn’t been used since last summer.

Jake and you were sat in the living room, calmly discussing sleeping arrangements and who would have to stay back and help with dinner cleanup rather than go and swim with the rest of the group. You were sat criss crossed on the couch and he was directly beside you, gently shoving your knee as he laughed at an off handed comment you’d made.

“Y/N.” Your head snapped up at the sound of a new voice in the doorway and you and Jake both stared in confusion when you took in the sharp glare Heeseung was sending in your directions. “Can I talk to you? Outside.”

He said the last word pointedly and you frowned at the look he sent his friend, glancing at Jake before standing up off the couch and ruffling his hair affectionately. He seemed to take the hint that you were leaving and awkwardly nodded in understanding.

Heeseung was already turning to leave before you even managed to get close to him and you followed behind him as he passed through the house, exiting out of the slider doors onto the overhanging deck that showcased the lake view. You pulled your sleeves over your hands, feeling the windy chill of the water now that the sun was starting to set but a shiver was running through you for other reasons when the boy turned to send you a hurt look.

“Why are you only ignoring me?” He was spitting out and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion at how upset he sounded. “What, you’ve seen my dick and now you can’t even talk to me?”

Your mouth was parting in a gasp and you approached him swiftly, covering his mouth with your hand and glancing around at all the open windows and terrain to make sure nobody had heard his outburst of confession.

“What are you talking about Hee? I said we could discuss it later.” You were whispering yelling back to him and his eyes softened at the nickname before he was wrapping his hand around your wrist and removing the cover over his mouth.

“You couldn’t put any urgency behind that?” He sounded less angry now and more hurt, staring down at you with a muddied expression and you felt the guilt settle back in full force. “Especially after kicking me out like that last night, I’ve been going crazy.”

You sighed but didn’t say anything for a few seconds, letting the crashing waves fill up the silence as your heart started to beat faster. You weren’t sure which direction you should go, probably easier to lie to him and tell him you’d made a mistake and it wasn’t going to happen again. That seemed favorable over having to explain that you kicked him out because you couldn’t stop thinking about him as much as you were already.

“I know I said some crazy things.” He was moving his hand off your wrist to hold onto your palm gently, holding it at the same level of his chest and looking into your eyes with a hint of desperation in his. “If I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. I’d never ever want to do that to you.”

“You didn’t.” You were shaking your head and quick to reassure him, not wanting him to fall into that mindset. “It’s just.. we can’t do this Heeseung. It’s not right and you know we can’t.”

“Why?” He was saying it in bewilderment, really emphasizing the word like he truly didn’t understand what was so wrong about you messing around together.

“Look Hee, I get that it’s hard but it’s not that big of a deal. You’re going to go off to college and find a girl your age that, preferably isn’t your best friends sister.” You were sighing and giving him a sad smile as you spoke, trying to lighten the situation and calm him down. “It’s not like you’re inlove with me or anything.”

He froze up at the words and didn’t say anything, just staring down at you with a strange expression that took you a few seconds to decipher. Your mouth parted with realization and you quickly dropped your hand from his, taking a small step back and covering your lips with your fingers.

He winced at your reaction and looked away from you so you couldn’t see the way his eyes shook, body tight and rigid where he stood in front of you. Neither of you needed to say anything for you to understand the situation.

“Listen Y/N.” He was starting to try and explain but you raised your hand to silence him, shaking it slightly to really indicate that you couldn’t handle hearing him speak right now.

“Since when?” You were asking quickly, voice stern and forceful as your mind kept replaying the past few years and any possible sign you’d missed from the boy. Your stomach turned at the fact he wasn’t just making passes out you to have some fun, it didn’t mean nothing to him what had happened last night and you’d probably deeply hurt him when you kicked him out afterwards.

“Since forever.” He was saying it in a weak tone and his nose scrunched up like he knew the words would put the final nail in the coffin, confirming that he’s always had feelings for you.

“Fuck.” You were breathing out and taking another step away from him, shaking your head and feeling tears well up in your eyes as you looked at him.

He didn’t say anything else after that, knowing there was nothing he could say that could convince you this situation was alright. You wanted to tell him that you weren’t upset with him, that he didn’t do anything wrong by feeling this way or telling you, but your words completely failed you as shock took over your body.

You felt sick over kicking him out without any care last night, even worse about how much you rejected him in high school and the realization that he most likely never had a girlfriend because he was so enamored with you all these years. You thought about the boys you’d brought home, never thinking twice about the way his jaw clenched as he left the room whenever somebody would stay for dinner.

Then you thought about the last time you remember seeing him, the nervous look in his eye as he handed you the bouquet full of your favorite flowers and the way he’d gotten caught off as he tried to explain why he’d gotten them.

“The babys breath.” You were finally saying after a bit of tense silence, looking up at him and finding him already watching you with a dejected look. You didn’t need to explain what you were implying for him to understand, nodding his head softly.

“Everlasting love.” He was answering in a weak voice and he gave you a sad smile, eyes watering as he turned his head again to look out towards the water.

You weren’t sure what to say to him after that, just watching the side of his face and feeling your heart shatter for all the time he spent struggling with this. You couldn’t lie and tell him you understood how he felt and it wasn’t fair to yourself to feel guilty when you didn’t know but you cared about him deeply and you didn’t want him to be in pain.

He was tensing him when you stepped closer, resting your hand gently on his arm to warn him of your approach before you were pulling him in for a hug.

His chest lifted with a heavy inhale of relief at the feeling of you wrapping your arms around him, rubbing his back softly and letting him duck his head down into your neck. You found yourself not caring about the possibility of somebody walking out and seeing you in such an intimate position, only focusing on making him feel better and helping him understand the affection you carried for him.

You stayed like that for a while, just feeling his chest rise against yours and his soft breath on your neck. Then you were pulling back to get a better look at him and his expression, trying to read what he was feeling.

You’d planned to say something of comfort, to voice actual reassurance but you had no opportunity to do so considering he was leaning forward the second your lips began to part.

Kissing Heeseung was never something you’d thought about, even after the past few days it hadn’t been your number one focus but you suddenly felt very stupid for taking the action for granted. You’d kissed lots of people before, boyfriends or blind dates but nobody had ever felt as perfect as he did.

His hands were coming up to cup your face, gentle in the way he was touching you but pushing into the kiss with a raging desperation that made your heart clench again. You returned it the best you could, not able to match up with his years of longing but just as intoxicated by the feeling of him against you.

Heeseung kept pulling you deeper and deeper in, holding onto you like he was terrified of you pulling away and telling him it was a mistake again, that he was something you weren’t able to do. You squeezed your arms that were still around his back to try and silently reassure him that you weren’t going anywhere and he pulled back to place his forehead against yours, staring into your eyes with tears still in his.

You felt your heart shatter again at the look on his face, then even more so at the realization that you just wanted to keep kissing him.

“Just give me a chance.” He was whispering out and his lip grazed yours as he spoke the words.

You frowned softly and looked at him, standing on your tip toes for a second to press another kiss against his lips and bringing a hand up to gently push the hair out of his face. He watched you as you did this but you could tell he wasn’t fully letting himself be vulnerable until you confirmed that you would give this an actual attempt.

You stared at him for a while, your mind and your heart telling you two different things and your face crumbled slightly. “We can’t.”

Your voice came out in a small whisper but he caught it immediately, expression hardening up as he took a step away from you. Your hands were reaching out to try and grab him again instinctively but he was clenching his jaw and shaking his head and he turned to leave the deck, heading back inside without another word and leaving you standing there with the taste of him still on your lips.

——

The next two days were miserable, full of him clearly avoiding you and your body longing for him to be close even for a second. You didn’t try to approach him again or complain considering he had to deal with this feeling for half of his life, wanting something this desperately that you couldn’t have was really dampening your mood for the trip and you’d barely left the lake house.

Your mother had actually convinced you to go down to the water today, sensing your sour mood and just assuming you were still feeling weird about coming home. She told you that some sun on your skin would make you feel better and you agreed with her despite the different circumstances.

Dinner had just finished and you were wearing your bathing suit in the kitchen, at the sink cleaning up the dishes from all the boys who had already raced down to the water. You’d told your parents to go ahead without out since they had cooked and been working so hard, citing that you’d follow behind after you finished cleaning up.

It was barely twenty minutes into clearing the dining room and scrubbing at the seemingly endless amount of plates when you heard somebody come back into the house.

“Mom? I’m almost done.” You were calling out, thinking she was coming back inside to check on you but you froze up when somebody else rounded the corner instead.

Heeseung didn’t come fully into the dining room, just watching you for a moment with an unreadable expression on his face. He was only wearing his swim trunks and his hair was dripping onto his shoulders. You would’ve scolded him for the small puddle forming under his feet but you knew it wasn’t your place anymore.

“Oh. Did you need something?” Your voice was awkward and you saw him tongue his cheek as you spoke, glancing away for a second before he was taking a few steps further into the room and you quickly looked down at the sink so you didn’t have to stare at him.

You expected him to just ignore you and pass through the kitchen, getting whatever it was that he needed before heading back outside to the water.

Your mouth was dropping up in a surprised gasp when he did the opposite and your entire body tensed up at the feeling of him directly behind you. He wasn’t fully touching you but you could feel the wetness of his shorts graze against your lower back and a shiver ran through you, both from the cold and his close proximity.

“What are you-“ You were cut off as your words turned into a soft whine, Heeseung completely pressing against you from behind and your stomach hit the edge of the counter uncomfortably.

You could feel his hands sliding over your waist to grab at your hips, tugging just your backside harder against him and shifting you forward until you were practically bending over the sink. You could feel the loose water from doing the dishes wetting your bikini top, nipples hardening under the cold water and you instinctively shifted your hips backwards to try and get away from the feeling.

“Heeseung.” You were gasping out in a warning but he didn’t seem to take it as one, squeezing your hips harder at the sound of your voice.

It was an overwhelming high to be touched by him again, your body lighting up with an intense fire at the feeling of his body pressed against you but the logical side of you couldn’t help but feel strange considering you hadn’t talked in two days due to your previous rejection.

“Do you want it?” His voice was low and you felt tears spring to your eyes with how badly you’d missed hearing him speak to you, squeezing them shut even though he couldn’t see your face anyways.

He was shifting his hips purposely, dragging his cock against your barely clothed bottom and you arched instinctively back into him, head dropping lower into another small whine and you were nodding your head in earnest. He didn’t react to your silent confirmation, squeezing your side almost uncomfortably until you got the memo.

“Yes yes, please. I want it so bad.” You were gasping out and he automatically rolled his hips into yours again, tugging you further into him each time he did it so you could fully feel him dragging himself against you. The cold of his shorts quickly disappeared considering you were completely on fire, throbbing in your bottoms and trying your hardest to push against his grip so you could meet him halfway in his slow movements.

“Walking around dressed like this.” His voice was pained as he spoke, low and bordering on a growl as he thrust against you with more force. “I know this is what you wanted, wanted me to come and fuck you until you couldn’t think.”

It hadn’t even your intention when you dressed in your swimsuit but you couldn’t lie and pretend you hadn’t thought about him as you put it on, not needing to deliberate between the black or pink one before you were slipping the latter on and heading downstairs.

He was relentless in the way he was fucking against you, thankful for his rough hands on your hips stopping you from slamming continuously into the counters. You were a nonstop mess of moans and whines as he kept getting harder and more rough, his cock pressing against you and making your head spin with desire for him.

Your hand was slipping off the counter and shakily going around your back, tugging at the string of fabric on your waist impatiently and his breath caught in his throat, pausing in his movements and causing a frustrated whine to slip out of you.

“Yeah?” He was genuinely asking but the tone in which he said it made your stomach flip, more wetness pushing out of you as you practically sobbed with the need to feel him. He took the hint this time and was hurriedly pulling down your bottoms, pausing once your core was completely bare and exposed. “Fuck Y/N, look at you.”

You flushed at the adoration in his voice and you were grateful he couldn’t see your face from this angle, your hips shifting uncomfortably and accidentally showcasing yourself off to his eager eyes more. He didn’t say anything else but you could still feel him staring at you, letting out a sharp cry when his hands were coming up to touch you gently. He wasn’t groping you, his fingers experimentally spreading you apart so he could see the way your hole clenched around nothing.

“So fucking pretty.” His voice was sounding again and you felt truly humiliated now, your heart racing faster with every compliment said in that genuine tone.

You decided to put an end to his gentle behavior, pushing your hips backwards so his fingers were accidentally touching you more and he was getting the memo that you wanted him to fuck against you again. You knew he wouldn’t actually fuck you, not quick and rough like this but you were grateful when he was standing up to press against you again.

“Please Hee, please.” You were whimpering out and he wasted no time building it up slow, immediately gripping your waist again and aggressively fucking himself against you. He was still wearing his thin swim trunks but you could feel it all so much better now that you were naked and he was completely hard.

His fingers were wet against your side from where he’d been touching you and you felt dizzy as his hard cock keep pressing against you, throbbing and on the verge of begging for him to just take you raw right here in the kitchen.

Your heart was racing at the thought of somebody walking in right now, the floor plan so open that all it would take is somebody needing a towel or a quick trip to the bathroom. Heeseung didn’t seem to care and you let out another cry when his hand was off your hip and tangling in your hair, tugging softly and then harder when you let out a moan of approval.

He was pulling you up by his grip so your back was pressed against his chest, wrapping his free arm around your stomach to keep you in place and he kept humping against you.

You felt embarrassed that he could see your face now, staring at your side profile and the way your mouth was open and letting out streams of moans. His big hand was sliding off your stomach to aggressively grope your chest, tugging down your bathing suit top with little effort and wasting no time before he was squeezing the mounds and tugging on your hardened nipples.

It was rough and aggressive, bordering on painful but it was everything you needed after him barely even looking at you the entire weekend. You were leaning into his brutal touches and pushing your hips back against his and he continued to fuck up into you.

You knew the scene had to be pornographic considering the way he had swiftly undressed you, not even fully taking off your top as it dangled over your stomach.

His hand was abandoning your chest to grip your jaw and you were confused for a moment as he twisted your head sideways until you realized he was trying to move your face closer together, his hooked over your shoulder and still watching your expressions this entire time.

Your eyes softened when you saw his face for the first time since he’d stepped behind you, tears of pleasure completely slipping out now despite his unreadable expression. His eyes were dropping to your lips and less than a second later he was pulling you in for a deep kiss. The kiss was a direct opposition to the way he was ramming into you, soft and gentle as he held your cheek to stop you from turning your head straight again.

You melted into his touch, completely forgetting about the addicting feeling of him pushing against you as his tongue slipped softly into your mouth and you desperately tried to take him deeper.

“You like it?” He was whispering into your mouth and you nodded immediately, trying to stretch and pull him into the kiss again but he didn’t let you and you whined softly. “Tell me you like it, tell me I make you feel good.”

“You make me feel so good.” You were crying out in stuttered gasp as he rammed into you with a few particularly hard thrust, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of him pressed against your swollen clit and the familiar feeling in your stomach building up.

“Make you feel better than anyone else right? I know how to please you, don’t I?” He was saying it in a low steady voice but you could tell he was genuinely searching for the reassurance and not just bragging about his abilities. Your heart clenched at the reminder of your conversation and how he might be feeling right now but you nodded quickly.

“Only you Hee, only you.” You were mumbling back to him in a fucked out voice and he finally kissed you again, wet and sloppy before he was letting go of your face and sliding his hand down your stomach.

Your stomach tightened up at the feeling of his fingers against you again, paired with the stimulation of his cock rubbing into you slowly. He was rubbing your clit gently and kissing you at the same time, messier now that he wasn’t holding your face in place and you could barely keep yourself focused long enough to control all your limbs.

“Cmon baby.” He was whispering into your mouth and you let out a small sob at the overwhelming pleasure building up, completely relying on him now to hold you up. “Go ahead and cum for me sweetheart, it’s alright.”

His words were so gentle despite the roughness in which he was still handling you and the combination of that, mixed with his low voice in your ear, quickly sent you over the edge. His fingers weren’t moving off of you as you came, dipping lower between your thighs to better feel the wetness dripping out of you and you were worried you’d complete collapse from the ecstasy of him touching you like that.

He held you up like that for a few beats and let you catch your breath before he was gently lifting you up and placing you on top of the towel that was on the counter for the wet dishes.

You watched him with hooded and tired eyes as he helped tie back up your top and pull your bottoms up over your sensitive core. Pausing awkwardly when he wet a rat and gently wiped down your thighs and stared at the marks he’d left on your hips and waist.

“Hee.” You were muttering out and he automatically shook his head at the sound of you voice, giving you a hurt look that made your heart fall. He clearly didn’t want to speak about it, or even speak in general right now and you felt a bit sick at the fact he was taking such gentle care of you despite the fact you’d hurt him and didn’t give him the same attention last time you’d done something like this together.

You were freezing up suddenly when you heard somebody coming in through the side door, confused why Heeseung wasn’t moving out of the damning position he was stood in between your legs as you watched Sunghoon round into the house.

Your eyes were wide as you stared at him, preparing to explain yourself until you realized he didn’t look extremely surprised. His eyes glanced at yours like he was slightly thrown off but he just cleared his throat and awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. “They’re heading up so you might want to go somewhere else.”

He was disappearing to go change as Heeseung mumbled a small thanks, not turning to look at him and you stared down at him in bewilderment.

“You told him?” You whisper yelled and he looked at you when he heard the upset in your voice, watching you with that same unreadable expression and sighing softly.

“He’s always known.” He explained in a casual tone, like it wasn’t a big deal at all that another person knew about your weird situation. You just stared at him in shock as he continued to clean you up softly. “Guess I’m not very good at pretending to not be inlove with you.”

He looked at you after he finished saying the heavy sentence and your face softened slightly, wanting to reach out to him as he took a few steps back and folded the rag up in his hands. You knew he was implying that that was the reason he had approached you just now and your heart hurt at the fact he was still clearly going to be avoiding you.

You could hear the rest of the boys laughing as they came up the stairs and the sound of your dad complaining about their sandy feet on the deck, not bothering to get off the counter and avoid some questions as you watched Heeseung disappear back upstairs where Sunghoon had gone.

——

“But we always have a movie night on the last night.” Sunoo was kneeling on your bed at the lake house, complaining with a small pout as he tugged at the blankets you were currently hiding under. “It’s tradition.”

“I’m really not feeling good guys.” You were groaning and fighting with his grip to try and cover your head back up.

“Jungwon told us to pull out all the guilt tripping tricks.” Riki’s voice was coming from the doorway and you lowered the blanket just enough to be able to glare at him from behind it for bringing up your brother, activating your soft spot that caused you to sigh and release your hold on the fabric.

Sunoo was cheering excitedly and bouncing a little on your bed, standing off of it in a hurry to pull you up and start dragging down towards the living room. You smiled softly at his enthusiasm but it quickly fell off your face when you caught sight of the reason for your hiding.

Heeseung was sitting on the couch, pressed against the arm rest with a bored expression and a large hoodie pulled over his fluffy hair. He wasn’t looking at you but you knew he had heard you coming considering the cloudy expression he had, your own frown slipping onto your face as you looked at him.

The rest of the boys were quickly taking their seats, coming from the kitchen with snacks or the basement with extra blankets and pillows to throw across the floor. You watched them for a bit too long, not noticing until it was too late that they had taken all of the spots except for the one next to Heeseung on the couch.

He seemed to notice this too and his eyes fell on you, guilt in your expression as you looked at him for permission and a small breath of relief slipped out when he gave you a barely noticeable nod.

You were rigid as you sat beside him, trying your hardest to stay still so you didn’t accidentally collide with his legs or side but he scoffed softly before he was sitting up to grab one of the blankets off the floor. You watched him in confusion and he spread it out and placed it over both of you, shifted his body so you had no choice but to lean towards him and your heart raced at the fact you were pressed against his side.

You figured he was going to ignore you for the rest of the trip, possibly for the rest of your time back in town just to clear his head of you, so you were touched that he was still hellbent on you being comfortable even when you weren’t talking.

He glanced over at you as the movie started to play and you gave him a small smile, barely seeing him return it before the lights were flickering off.

The first half of the movie went as normal despite the fact you couldn’t seem to focus with the feeling of Heeseung breathing beside you. Jay was on your right but he’d fallen asleep almost as soon as the lights had gone out and you could hear him snoring softly from where his head was laid back against the couch.

You shifted uncomfortably after about an hour and you could feel Heeseung glancing at you in question before he leaned closer to whisper something in your ear.

“What’s wrong?” He was saying it softly and your face flushed at the proximity and the fact he was talking to you again.

“Nothing… just sore a little bit.” You mumbled back hesitantly, suddenly thinking about the rough way his hands had gripped you yesterday.

He didn’t say anything for a while and you were worried he hadn’t heard you, or even worse he had and was feeling bad about the bruises covering your skin. It wasn’t your intention to bring it up in that way and you were just about to lean forward again to tell him that when you felt his hand sliding over your stomach gently.

You sucked in a sharp breath at the feeling and you saw Sunoo glancing at you in concern, giving him a soft smile and pretending to yawn while you felt Heeseung’s hand sliding across your smooth skin.

You glanced over at him but he was just watching the movie like it was no big deal, like he wasn’t touching you underneath the covers in a room full of people, including your little brother who was laying down on his stomach on the floor in front of you. He wasn’t touching you inappropriately, just softly kneading where the bruises might be but your heart was racing anyways just from being near him.

There was no use in pretending you didn’t have feelings for him, your longing going far beyond kissing him or having him touch you. You’d missed him deeply these past few days of awkwardness, barely getting by listening to him laugh with the other boys or crack jokes with your dad.

It made you feel sick every time his smile dropped when you entered a room, wishing you could say something that would help him feel more comfortable around you that didn’t involve accepting his request at a chance to be together.

“Feel good?” His breath was fanning the side of your face as he spoke into your ear and you stiffened up a bit despite the lack of tease in his tone.

“You can’t say stuff like that.” You warned him in return and when you pulled back you saw that his eyes had darkened in realization, understanding your squirming as his eyes darted to your lips for a second.

He was watching you intently as he rubbed your skin and for a moment you thought he was going to ignore your comment, going to just keep caressing the injuries he’d caused and not address the implication of your words. Then his hand was leaving your side and slipping into your shorts and your mouth parted at the feeling of his fingers pressing against you.

He held eye contact with you as he dipped a finger between your wet folds, rubbing slightly and leaning forward so he could breathe in the small gasp you let out. You instinctively leaned forward to capture him in a kiss but he pulled his head away and glanced around to make sure nobody had seen your mistake.

You’d almost completely forgotten you weren’t alone and your heart sunk for a second before he was applying more pressure against you and you decided you didn’t care. Your hips were rolling forward against his hand and he eyed you with slight warning, using his other hand to try and hold your body still.

He gently took your leg and pulled it across his lap so you were completely spread open for him, rubbing in soft circles for a few seconds before he was sinking a finger deep inside you and curling it up. You would’ve lurched forward if it wasn’t for his hold on you and you quietly leaned your face into his shoulder to muffle the moan that ripped through your throat.

All you could focus on was him, his scent from his hoodie that you were burying your face into it and his large hands moving you around effortlessly. He was pushing another finger in before you had any time to prepare and you rolled your hips again to try and pull him in deeper.

You could feel his hard cock underneath your leg now and you shifted it so it fell directly against him, listening to the way his breath hitched. You were thankful the boys had picked such an action packed movie, reaching its climax and the volume was blaring with loud crashes and explosions.

You wet your lips instinctively, overwhelmed with the desire to kiss him and he noticed the movement, eyes flashing to your lips and then back up to your eyes. You felt completely addicted to him, willing to let him drag you out from the under the covers and fuck you raw right here if that’s what he wanted but he was quickly bringing you back to reality when he was taking his hand away from you.

You felt completely empty and cold as he stood up from the couch within seconds and disappeared upstairs, not sparing you a glance as your eyes widened in shock and you did nothing but watch him leave.

“What happened?” Your brother was turning his head to look at you in confusion and you felt a wave of embarrassment before remembering you were covered by the blanket.

“I don’t know, he said he felt sick.” You quickly lied and Jungwon’s eyes flashed with worry as he glanced back towards the stairs. “I’ll go check on him.”

He gave you a soft smile and a nod before turning back to the movie with interest, not knowing that your stomach was turning uncomfortably as you adjusted your shorts and scurried your way up the stairs and in the direction Heeseung had gone.

You threw open the guest bedroom door when you got up there and found him pacing in upset, hands running through his hair and he froze and shot you a sharp glare when you came inside. You shut the door behind you and looked at him in confusion, taking a few hesitant steps in his direction.

“What wrong? What happened?” You were asking him softly and his expression only darkened with more anger at your gentle confused tone.

“Why the fuck are you doing this?” He was spitting out and your face fell at the hurt in his words, shaking your head to indicate you didn’t understand which only seemed to upset him more. “You said we can’t be together. You said that.”

He was pointing an accusatory finger in your direction and you took another step forward, slightly surprised when he didn’t walk away or tell you to stop approaching. His face twisted up when you got closer however and you were worried he might start to cry.

“You know why I said that.” You were telling him earnestly and your head felt dizzy from how confusing this all was. “It’s not… it’s not because I don’t want to or because I don’t like you. You know that, don’t you?”

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds and your heart shattered at the realization he clearly didn’t understand that. You felt guilty for not saying it outright and for letting your fear hurt him this bad, your selfishness continuing to let him close physically despite the emotional barrier between the two of you.

“I like you Heeseung.” You were telling him firmly and your hands were reaching up to cup his face, his eyes softening as he instinctively pushed his head into your touch and his hands came up to hold onto your wrist softly. “That isn’t why we can’t be together, it has nothing to do with it.”

He looked sad again at the reminder that you weren’t willing to give this a real chance and you expected him to strike up a rebuttal, to try and convince you again but he didn’t say anything. He was just pulling you into a soft kiss and your hands slowly fell off his face as you leaned into it.

It felt like everything was made right the second you were kissing him again, that terrible feeling disappearing from your stomach and you relished in the comfort and safety that overwhelmed you as his hands held your back gently and kept you against him.

He was pulling back after a bit and your eyes fluttered open in confusion as you looked up at him. “Tell me you can go without it. Tell me that you’ll be able to go back to normal and never touch me again once we get home, and I’ll leave you alone forever.”

His words hung heavy in the little space between your bodies and you knew he already knew your answer without you saying. You knew he had realized the way you crave him, not nearly as long or as tragic as he did for you but it was there and overwhelming. He was simply asking you to say it, to lie to him and give him the answer that he needed to be able to stay away from you.

Your eyes were watering and his hands were gentle in the way they wiped your tears, always gentle even when you didn’t feel your deserved it from him.

“I can’t.” You were repeating the words you’d said on the deck in a broken whisper but this time they didn’t make his face crumble. This time you watched the relief pass through his eyes before he was squeezing you softly and pulling you back up for another deep kiss.

You felt overwhelmingly anxious at the thought of giving it a go, of having to tell Jungwon and risk disappointing him or worse and having to cross that heavy line with Heeseung that you wouldn’t be able to come back from, but you realized that you’d already crossed it the moment you opened the door and saw him again.

So you let Heeseung kiss you in excitement and you giggled into his mouth when he lifted you off the ground for a little spin, unable to contain himself after years of pining and wishing to hold you close like this. You still felt that guilt for not noticing his feelings sooner but you were relieved to know you could make up for it now, pulling him in for a deeper kiss and letting your worries disappear for the time being.

They came back full force the next day when you decided to tell Jungwon before you headed home again.

You didn’t want him to find out on accident, not thinking it was fair for him to walk in on you or somehow just understand from the way you looked at each other. He deserved to be told directly and that’s what you kept telling yourself as you stood in front of the room he was using. Heeseung had offered to come with you to take half of the reaction on himself but you knew it needed to just be you and your brother.

He was smiling at you happily when you pushed the door open slowly but it fell slightly when he noticed the worried look on your face.

“Can we talk?” You were muttering to him and he nodded immediately, taking your hand gently and leading you over to sit on his bed with him. He turned his body to face yours and give you his full attention and your heart swelled from how sweet he always was.

“Are you okay?” He asked in a soft voice and you nodded, hesitating as you tried to think of how to word this in a way that wouldn’t completely take him off guard. “Is this about you and Heeseung hyung?”

Your eyes were widening immediately, your hand coming up to cover your mouth as you looked at him in complete surprise. He was still watching you with a gentle worried expression but his mouth quirked up slightly at your reaction to his sudden statement. You dropped your hands back into your lap and your eyebrows furrowed.

“You knew?” You rushed out and he laughed softly before nodding, glancing down at the bed before he was looking at you again and shrugging softly. “How long have you known?”

“I mean.. sorta forever.” He was wincing as he said it in anticipation for the second gasp you let out, followed by a groan as your head fell into your hands. “He used to ask me to marry you like every other night… it took me longer to realize you liked him back but it was bond to happen. I was kind of hoping it would stop you from moving so far away honestly.”

“Wait.. are you saying you thought I liked Heeseung all the way back in high school?” You were cocking your head slightly in bewilderment and now it was his turn to stare at you in confusion, clearly misunderstanding the timeline.

“I mean, yeah. Didn’t you? You’d always talk about him and complain about the stuff he said to you but anyone could tell you thought it was funny.” He was smiling as he spoke, reflecting back on it and you stared at him like he had three heads.

“So I spent this entire time terrified about you finding out, and you knew the entire time?” You were saying it slowly but when he gave you a nod of confirmation you reached forward to shove his shoulder softly.

He laughed at your upset but then he was taking your hand in his and squeezing it, lifting it slightly to bring your attention back on him so you could see how serious he was. You watched your little brother with a new sense of calmness now that he knew and you felt relief running through you as he spoke his next statement.

“As long as you’re happy, I don’t care.” He was saying and you could feel the truth behind his statement, tears springing to your eyes at how sincerely he was telling you this. “Regardless if that means moving far away for school or.. kissing Heeseung.”

You laughed softly at the way his face curled up in disgust at the last part and he smiled before you were pulling him in for a tight hug, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and being extremely grateful that the universe had given you the most understanding little brother to ever exist.

After a few more teary embraces, you were leaving him to finish packing up and heading back to your room. Before you went down the entirety of the hallway, you paused and took a few steps backwards so you were stood in front of a different door instead.

Your heart was pounding slightly and you knocked softly on the familiar wood, standing there and shifting in place as you waited for him to come and answer the door. You’d seen him in a similar way hundreds of times, telling you dinner was ready or showing up at your house to play video games, hundreds of times you’ve opened a door to see his smiling face looking back at you with that same look in his eye.

And now it was time for you to return it, one hundred and one.

2K notes · View notes

drakulana · 10 months

Text

the first spark // trafalgar law x reader

content: sfw, fem! reader, female pronouns, sloooow burn w little resolution, long reader backstory, violence

part 2, part 3

word count: 5.5k

notes: this is my first ever fan fic!!! i’m very proud of it, and i worked on it for a few weeks on and off. i hope you enjoy!!

⋆⭒˚‧₊˚°❀⋆₊⊹ ⋆｡𖦹˚. ͟͟͞☆

The Polar Tang had been under the water for about a month now. Never in a million years did (Y/n) think she’d be in the middle of the ocean, let alone underneath the surface in a submarine, 395 meters down. She had joined the Heart Pirates about 6 months ago and was just now getting used to being underwater for such a long amount of time. She had been having continuous headaches she assumed to be due to the pressure of being underwater for such a long time. They would come and go, some days worse than others. Today was one of the worst days. The chores had been done, and all the tasks were complete. Most of the crew decided to lounge around, hanging out with one another. To (Y/n) it seemed as if all corners of the submarine were occupied, and they all had too much noise to focus. Trying to find some peace and quiet, she made her way down to the boiler room, letting the laughter and chatter of her crew fade as she departed. It was not the first time she had done this, in fact this was her little secret. No one liked to come down here unless it was included in the work that they had to do. Pipes lined the walls, and the low hum of engines from a few doors over buzzed through the room. Finally at peace, she took a deep breath and exhaled.

A week ago, (Y/n) had stashed a book and a blanket down here, along with a pillow and a cushion she found in storage. She tucked herself into the corner, and sat down on the box that had placed the cushion on. She pulled out the book she was reading which was just a volume of some medical book Captain Law had in the library. Principles of Neurology. It was not an interesting read in the slightest, but there really was not a wide variety to choose from in the Surgeon of Death’s library.

Her mind started to wander as she flipped page by page trying to follow along the best she could with what she was reading. An entity of “frailty” has been conceived to encompass the sum of breakdown in multiple organ systems… She read the sentence over a few times. She made a mental note to get a book that was relatively interesting on the next island that they stopped on. Letting out a sigh, she continued to try to read but ended up drifting away with her thoughts. She was still relatively new to the crew, she had been with them for 6 months. Long enough to get comfortable with her crewmates, but not so long that they knew everything about her.

(Y/n) joined the Heart Pirates after aiding Law with intel that he needed about someone he was “researching.” During the process of this, she got caught up with the conflicts of whoever Law was looking into, and was taken hostage. While in hostage, the person pressed her for information of who was after them, how she knew all of their info, who was her informant? Despite the pressure, and the fear of looming death, she did not give out any answers. She chose against ratting out the Heart Pirates. At that moment, she was sure she was gonna die either way. If she gave out the information, the Heart Pirates were sure to come after her. If they were to get a hold of her, she’d have to answer to the Surgeon of Death. However, if she didn’t give out the answers, the man who was holding her hostage could kill her. So naturally, she picked the lesser of the two evils. Her mouth was staying shut. Like hell was she going to answer to Trafalgar Law of all people. She sat back and recalled that day.

She was held in a damp, dim, humid room. She wasn’t too sure on how long she had been there, but it was probably half a day. The interrogation started out like all of them did with questions and threats. After the first few hours of not speaking punches began to be thrown, and weapons were soon pulled out. Somebody’s hasty, she thought to herself as the interrogation took turns for the worst faster than she had anticipated. It was clear the man she had sold out was in a hurry. He was scared. How he found out it was her that sold his information, she didn’t know. All she knew was that this guy found out, and now he was mad and had a dagger. He kept questioning, each unanswered question he got a couple cuts in. Midquestion, a commotion outside the door started. Yelling ensued, then things breaking and then a panicked, “Boss, we have visitors.” The man interrogating you paused his mild torture, faltering as he stepped towards the door, like he was weighing his options. Would he stay in this room, or deal with the inevitable of being confronted by the man who seemed out his information, Trafalgar Law. He turned to the girl who was sitting in the chair. Her hands were tied in front of her, and her feet were tied together. “You,” He pointed an accusatory finger, “this is all your fault!” and you know, he was right, it was all her fault. She gave the intel for a very pretty penny, but how was she suppose to know she was going to get kidnapped and interrogated. How did they even know it was her who gave the intel? Questions zoomed through her head as he stormed towards her with the dagger in his hand. He held it to her throat. “I oughta kill you right here, right now. A life for a life.” The cool edge of the shaky blade pressed into her skin, nicking her in the slightest due to his unsteady hands. Then, with a sharp slice, her warm sticky blood poured down her neck. An involuntary gasp ripped from her throat as she felt the blood gather at the neckline of her shirt, soaking it. This is it, she thought, Here’s where I die. But before he could cut any deeper, the door to the room burst open. A warm yellow light illuminated the room from the hall outside. A tall figure stood in the doorway. It stormed over to the man, grabbing him by the back of his collar, turning him around. The warm light from the hallway casted across the face of the figure, it was none other than Trafalgar Law. Law craned down to the man’s height, paying the woman tied to the chair no mind, “I believe you have something I want,” he said in a low gruff voice. The man trembled in his grasp. “Now why don’t we take a little trip to your laboratory,” Trafalgar Law dragged the man out of the room, leaving the woman in there alone. It was a quick few minutes before she realized she was gonna have to free herself, and this was her only chance.

She looked around the room and spotted the dagger that the man had dropped near the doorway. Seeing her chance of escape, she scooted the chair towards the entrance. She grabbed the knife with her feet. Reaching down with her tied hands, she cut the ropes that bound her. Whoever tied her up did a really shitty job. Finally free, she prepared herself to escape. Dagger in hand, the silver of the blade glinting as she gazed upon the object. She couldn’t help but notice the blood on the edge from the man attempting to slit her throat. She tried to pay no mind to the wet sticky pain that was starting to raidiate down her neck and into her collarbones. Pushing the pain aside, she made her way through the place, careful to avoid anyone who might be lurking. Once she made it out, she let out a sigh of relief. Barefoot and bleeding, she decided she should probably take the alleyways home. She would hate to scare oncoming bypassers, or god forbid someone contact the authorities. Slipping into the alley, she started to make her way home before a voice cut through the night, “And where do you think you’re going?” Her head whipped around, gripping the dagger that she held in her hand. That voice was the one of Trafalgar Law. She met the man’s golden eyes. She quickly took in his appearance. When she first gave him the intel she had noticed his height, but she also wasn’t fearing for her life at the time. The weight of impending doom really added a foot or two to his appearance. “I didn’t tell them anything,” she breathed. “I didn’t say a word, I swear.” The words tumbled out of her mouth, and her voice didn’t sound like hers as it bounced off the alleyway walls. He took a step closer to her, “I know, but I still can’t let you go. You’re hurt, let me look at it,” he stepped closer. Her mouth felt as if it were filled with cotton. She took a step back, “I’m fine,” she gritted while taking one more step back, trying to put enough distance between them just so she’d have a chance of running away. She was just interrogated and borderline tortured, if she had known what the intentions were behind the wanted intel, she would’ve denied the offer. Besides, it wasn’t like the intel was collected for malice in the first place. (Y/n) had a goal, and that goal was to collect the most information she could, and write it all down into a book. This extended from histories of islands, pirates, doctors, scientists, government officials. Few people knew about her knowledges of the world and it’s inhabitants. Every now and then she would get someone wanting some information, and if the price was right she’d give it to them. She never thought it would lead to this, cornered in an alleyway by the Surgeon of Death himself. “I’m a doctor,” Law’s voice echoed off the walls as he slowly stepped forward towards her, like he was trying to approach a scared stray, careful not to spook it. His hands were held out in front of him, as if he meant no harm, however the word ‘DEATH’ tattooed across both his hands stated otherwise.

“I know good and well who and what you are.” Unintentional venom laced her words. She knew all about the reputation that seemed to proceed him. She had done her research whenever she came across his wanted poster a year ago. She never thought she would cross paths with him, he was just another name in her book for the longest time.

“Then you know it’s in your best interest if you just come with me.” With that last sentence from him, she falsely dropped her guard, muttering a small okay. She didn’t think this tactic was going to work, but as soon as she saw him relax his stance, she bolted. Running through the alleyway with no shoes seemed to be a difficult task, impeding her usual speed. Trying her best to avoid glass and nails, she darted in between the buildings, and in and out of the alleyways. She had the advantage, she knew this city. The poorly maintained asphalt stung, but she had no other choice but to ignore it if she wanted to get away.

She finally was able to duck behind a building after what felt like an eternity of turning down random streets and alleys. She leaned against the bricks to catch her breath, gripping the dagger in her hand. Her heartbeat was in her ears, she could feel the blood rushing through every vein. She stilled and tried to stay quiet, the only sound leaving her was a shaky exhale. The adrenaline slightly wore off as the silence of the night settled. The events of the night really started to set into her body. Her arms and legs aches, her lungs burned, her throat was on fire. Despite the pain setting in, she thought she had gotten away by some miracle, but a second later the same low voice she was running from bounced around her again. “You really think you could get away from me that easily?” His voice echoed, giving it a more sinister sound than what he had intended. She met his eyes. She didn’t know if it was the adrenaline making her analyze her situation in full detail, or if she was just delusional, but she found herself taking in every detail of his presence. The eyes that held her eye contact were golden. He had a lean figure, and was undoubtedly in shape. The moonlight poured over his figure, casting an intimidating shadow as he now stood in front of her. She noted the yellow button up that was halfway buttoned, showing a glimpse of the tattoo on his chest. He had on jeans that had spots on them, and a white hat that shared those same spots. Draped over his shoulders was a long navy coat. If she wasn’t running from him, she could’ve admitted that he was quite an attractive man, but in her head he was trying to catch her so he could kill her.

Her grip on the handle of the dagger tightened before hurling it in Law’s direction. The blade rotated in the air before hitting Law in the shoulder. The way the dagger was thrown would’ve been deemed as impressive by him if he wasn’t on the receiving end of the throw. He quickly pulled the dagger out of his shoulder, and threw it to the ground before chasing after her, once again. This time she was only able to make it a few blocks before he finally tackled her to the ground against the rough concrete. She felt the skin of her knees and elbows scrape against the asphalt, surely breaking the skin. Heart racing, and body trembling, the woman underneath him had no choice but to accept her fate. “You’ll be coming with me,” he growled at her, bitterness lacing his tone. He pulled her up and off the ground then led her to the dock on the bay. His grip was more than enough of a reminder that there was nowhere she could go.

The walk to the submarine was silent, and the man next to her was not giving off a very welcoming energy considering he was taking her against her will. Blood slightly bled through his shirt where the dagger had hit him. He walked her down the dock, and onto a yellow submarine that had ‘DEATH’ written on the side of it. Well how lovely is that? She thought to herself. His firm grip on her upper arm never faltered as he guided her down the hallways of the submarine. Several of his crew members moved aside to make way for the two of them to walk down the hall. It was like a walk of shame. Once they reached the end of the hall, he opened a door. The sterile smell of rubbing alcohol and latex filled her nose, as the bright white lights poured out of the room. It was an examination room. “Sit,” he pointed to the examination table. Having no other choice, that’s exactly what she did, she sat.

Without another word, he started inspecting her injuries. He lifted her chin to get a better look at her neck. “This will need stitches,” he said flatly. He examined the other scrapes and cuts on her body. The adrenaline wore off long ago, and pain radiated from her toes to her head. He cleaned the area and prepped his needle. The stitching process was painful. She sharply inhaled when he stuck the needle through. “Be still,” he commanded, “It’ll only hurt worse if you move.” She had to force herself not to flinch at the needle stitching up her wound. Finally having her still, and in front of him, Law couldn’t deny that (Y/n) was very attractive. The way her hair framed her face, the way she held herself with such self assurance. Fear still resided in her pretty eyes, as she stayed as still as possible while he stitched. He ended up doing seven stitches, the cut was sure to leave a scar to adorn her pretty neck. He cleaned the other wounds and bandaged them up. It was silent in that exam room, and then finally he broke the silence. “Why did you run away?” He asked her. She looked at him like asked the stupidest question, and in some way he did. Who wouldn’t run away from the Surgeon of Death? His reputation alone was enough to make a grown man fall to his knees, and she had literally just seen a grown man fall to his knees at the hand of him. After weighing her response, she broke the silence, “Dying wasn’t on my agenda once I got out of there,” her voice quiet, but not weak.

“Why would I kill you?” He asked her. Again, another incredulous look was thrown at him. Was he not aware of the grumbling that went along with his name?

“For knowing too much?” She answered, in a duh tone.

“You don’t know anymore than you did whenever I approached you for intel. I had some of my men go through your files, you have some very impressive intel on multiple pirates including the warlords and emperors. Where do you get all that?”

“Verified sources,” she simply answered, not letting onto her process of gathering information. There was another silence before she broke it this time. “Listen, if you’re going to kill me, just go ahead and make it quick. Medical torture really doesn’t sound appealing.”

He chuckled lightly at this, but it was not one of humor, “I’m not gonna kill you, but I’m definitely not letting you go either. I know what you’re working on, and I want your intel. Join my crew.” It wasn’t a question, it was a demand, and by the way he was talking to her that was very obvious.

“What’s in it for me?” She inquired like she had a choice.

“You can do some more of your research, and we could use your intel,” He stated like it was obvious. “Everybody wins.” Unfortunately, he was right. Going island to island would be great for her research, and it would give her an opportunity to get first count perspective about the things she was writing about. For a pirate, the information that she held would be very helpful, they would never go into a situation blind. However, being a pirate was not appealing. If she joined the Heart Pirates, she’d surely be wanted, especially with the information that she had collected over the years. She had been able to keep the things that she knew on the low, only occasionally being visited by certain people who wanted intel, but the intel always came at a price. It was a very hush-hush thing. Putting aside the fact that she knew more than most about what was going on in the world, she was just an ordinary woman with no devil fruit, no haki, how was she supposed to be a wanted woman? After mulling over his words, she finally spoke up, “I don’t think you know what I do. I’m gathering information to add to a book. I am not a pirate. I don’t have any fighting techniques, I would die as soon as we hit the battlefield. I will slow you down, no information is worth dying for, or putting your crew in danger for,” she argued, trying to convince herself if she made herself look like a burden, she would be let go.

“Your knowledge outweighs your weaknesses,” he stated. He wasn’t budging on this matter. “Join my crew, and you’ll get to gain more knowledge about the world. Think about the intel you could get if you were traveling the seas?” Once again, he did make a very good point.

“What if I say no?” She asked, wondering if he’d confirm her suspicions. A pregnant silence fell over the room again. She knew she wasn’t getting out of this one, and this just might be the death of her.

“You don’t want to say no.” He left it at that, and finished cleaning her wounds and patching her up.

That was six months ago. Six months of being on this submarine. Six months ago and she still didn’t feel as if she belonged, still felt as if she served no purpose. Sure after the first month, her crew mates started to adore her with her little jokes and random fun facts, but what was she really doing out on the open ocean? She sat there pondering until a voice ripped her out of her head. “You enjoying the Principles of Neurology?” It was her dear captain. She didn’t know he had been standing there, watching her unmovingly stare at the same page. She looked up at him, and then back down at the page she had been staring at for what felt like forever. “Sure, I’m having a blast learning about…The Neurology of Aging,” she read out the chapter name.

“What are you doing down here?” her captain asked her, curiosity lacing his tone.

“This is my secret hiding place, don’t tell the others,” she mused at him. Their relationship was very professional, and in fact for the first month and a half she was on the Polar Tang, she hardly said a word to him outside of him asking for information about various people and places. It’s not like she had a choice or not to be on the damned submarine. It still didn’t feel quite right to be there, but in the past few months she had started to let her guard down. She always addressed her captain with a professional tone, but every now and then she’d throw in a bit of a playful tone, and most times he would entertain her antics. “What are you doing down here?” she asked. She looked at her captain, taking in his appearance. She couldn’t lie, he was a very attractive man. Whenever she would have thoughts like this she would kick herself. She would remind herself who he was. He was her captain, and that’s all that was.

He looked down at her, discreetly looking her up and down, “I was looking for you. I would like to discuss some information about an island we will be arriving to in the next few days. There is an epidemic there and I will need all the information you have on the island, and the citizens so that we can take the proper precautions upon arrival.” His voice echoed off the metal walls.

“Oh okay, let me go up and grab my notes,” She said as she got up from her box, folding the blanket and placing the Neurology book on top.

“Meet me in my office,” he ordered, as he turned to go up the ladder. She made her way into her bunk and pulled out a notebook and a binder filled with stuff about all the islands she knew about. They were organized by North Blue, South Blue, East Blue, West Blue, Grandline, and New World. She gathered all her things and made her way towards Captain Law’s office.

She entered the Captain’s Quarters with a binder that was bursting at the seams, holding all her notes. As she walked in she took in her surroundings. It wasn’t the first time she had been in the Captain’s Quarters, but everytime she had been in there it was only for a brief period, usually dropping off files and papers from her research. Papers were stacked high on his desk, and there were files and books scattered across the room. It was messy, but it was not dirty. The room smelled like paper, ink, and Law.

She made her way over to his desk and started to flip through her binder. The binder was as full as it could be, and while the different places were organized, the contents of the binder within her neatly divided sections were scrawls of writing and small sketches here and there. “So, where we going?” She asked, beaming. She loved talking about all the things she had researched. She loved gathering information and putting it all together. Her goal was to write a full encyclopedia on the world and maybe one day she could write about the One Piece, if it was ever found. Without looking up, Law answered, “Bronze Island.” She was aware of the location, and she was also very aware of the disease that spread through the island, almost 60% of cases were fatal.

She flipped to the section where the island’s information was found, hesitantly inhaling before stating, “Uhh… I don’t think you want to go there.” Law looked up at her for the first time since she had entered his office, feigning annoyance behind his eyes. “I do think I want to go there,” He countered. She didn’t argue with him, he was the captain after all, but this island was being raided by pestilence.

“This disease has a high mortality rate, and it’s more contagious than the common cold. It’s an airborne disease. It spread mostly through bodily fluids,” she spouted off. “The island has poor air quality which just adds to the mix, making the citizens’ immune systems weaker. The island’s government is riddled with corrupt officials. There have been many uprisings staged, but none of them have aided in the ridding of the corrupt officials,” She set the paper in front of her captain. “If you have any questions, let me know. I’ll leave the rest of these pages to you,” she took a stack of papers out of the binder and laid them on his desk. There must have been at least 20 of them. The pages consisted of information about the epidemic, information on the citizens, as well the island officials. Law looked through the papers, before setting them back down. She used that as her cue to leave, and went towards the door, “Just let me know when you’re done with them.”

“Where are you going?” He asked her as if it were normal for her to stay. He never asked her to stay after giving him her research. He usually just looked at them and returned them. They shared eye contact for a split second before he answered her unasked question of why. “I’m going to need your help on this one.” Without replying, she turned back towards him and sat in a chair that was in front of his desk. The chair was hardly broken in, and it was obvious her captain didn’t really enjoy visitors all that much in his study, unless necessary. A dull sense of pride bubbled up inside of her, hearing that he needed her help. For a second she was able to push aside the feeling of not belonging on this ship. Her captain picked up the pages that she had given him and handed them back to her. “Let’s start with the island officials.” (Y/n) flipped through the papers getting to the officials section of her research, and started spouting off the names and the roles they played within the island’s government. She didn’t know what her captain was planning, nor did she think she wanted to know what he was planning. She was still new to this pirate thing, new to the notion that sometimes some people will get hurt in the crossfire. Hell, she was almost one of those people.

Brushing off her thoughts she skimmed across the paper, coming across some grammatical errors. “Captain Law?” A comfortable softness laced her tone as he caught her eyes. He had never heard her voice sound so sweet, so warm. His heart almost melted. “Could I borrow a pencil?” She asked him, holding his gaze with hers. He mumbled a quick of course before holding the object towards her. She reached out to take it, the tips of her fingers brushing his. When they touched, a jolt of electricity shocked them both. His golden eyes met hers once again, but lingered for a second too long this time. Long enough for her eyes to travel down to his lips, and then back up to his eyes. It felt as if time stood still. It felt like it was the first time she had really taken a good look at her captain since that night 3 months ago. She pulled her attention away, muttering a quick thank you as she took the pencil, hoping the lighting in his office didn’t capture the slight pink dusting her cheeks. She internally kicked herself for letting her eyes travel, for letting herself put him on a pedestal in her mind, even if it was only for a split second. It was wrong in so many ways, she couldn’t let herself think about him in that way. She couldn’t let her guard down. Mutually ignoring their little moment, they both resumed to what they were doing.

After about 2 hours of going through the information about the island and it’s government, as well as its citizens, they wrapped up their work. “Would you like me to leave you these papers?” She asked him. Without looking up from all of the notes that he had taken, he let a single, “Yes,” fall from his lips. She nodded, and put the papers on his desk. “If you have any questions, you know where to find me,” As she was about to make her exit, she heard her name being called. She turned her head to look at her captain, unintentionally savoring the way her name rolled off his tongue. “Thank you for the help,” he said smoothly, hesitating before continuing, “And if you ever need a place to hide, don’t hesitate to come in here to read or to finish your research.” She smiled and nodded her head as the feeling of belonging settled in her core for the second time that night. “Thank you, if you ever need anymore help I’m more than happy to do so,” she replied trying to sound as professional as possible in order to combat the warm feeling that was starting to bubble in her stomach. She turned on her heel and made her way back to her bunk.

That night, against her will, her thoughts were consumed by her captain and the moment they had shared. She felt guilty feeling this way, it wasn’t right to feel borderline giddy as she recalled such minor events. Sure, maybe their fingers touched, and maybe he made her feel like she belonged for once, but it was a moral dilemma just waiting to happen. Internally, she berated herself for even thinking about her captain in that way. Despite her self berating, she let her thoughts drift to her captain as she stared at the metal ceiling. There was a comfortable air around him, one she didn’t like to acknowledge that often. He felt safe, but she knew he could be dangerous. He seemed sane, but she knew he wasn’t. She was aware the longer she stayed with the Heart Pirates the more she let her guard down, and that included Law. She surely was trusted if he was offering to share his quiet space. She thought about how he offered it to her, with softer words than his usual tone. No matter how hard she tried to shake the doctor from her thoughts she couldn’t. That night, she went to sleep with Trafalgar Law taking up the space where her dreams usually lay.

Down the hall, in the captain quarters, Law mulled over what he had said to her before she left the room. It wasn’t like him to just offer someone a place in his study like that. Law worked alone. It was his space. That was the one place he was guaranteed to get some peace and quiet. What was even more strange was that he didn’t even regret offering his space to her. In fact, he was hoping that she would take him up on it and spend her time there instead of in the boiler room. He pushed his thoughts away, rationalizing his offer as just an excuse to gather more of the information she held. If she were to come to the office for peace and quiet, it was inevitable for her to work there too. He told himself that was the real reason he had offered it, rather not acknowledging the warmth he felt when he was around her. He pushed his thoughts away and buried himself in his work for the night, every now and then thinking about his crew member. The feeling that was tugging in his chest would have to be for another day.

⋆⭒˚‧₊˚°❀⋆₊⊹ ⋆｡𖦹˚. ͟͟͞☆

@drakulana 2023 // i do not give permission to copy, translate, or repost without my consent

#trafalgar d water law #one piece #law x reader #one piece fan fiction #one piece law #trafalgar law #trafalgar law x reader #law fanfic #trafalgar #one piece fan fic #fem! reader #fem pronouns #slow burn

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penmansparadise · 6 months

Text

Tommy Shelby ~ Dust in the Wind

*I DON'T OWN THIS GIF* *CREDIT TO GIF OWNER*

*I do not give anyone permission to repost my work in any way (translations included)*

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 5.5k

Warnings: Discusses infant loss/stillborn, ANGST, mild language, possibly ooc Tommy

a/n: Alright, well, it has been quite some time since I've posted on this site. First, let me get a few things out. 1) This is the most self-indulgent piece I have ever written, so if you don't want to read it, please just keep on scrolling. 2) This does not mean that I am ready to start taking requests again or that I will be regularly writing again. As stated before, this is a very self-indulgent piece because I just experienced the loss of my daughter, who was born prematurely. It has completely wrecked me, and I have just finally decided to start writing again. I am trying to navigate my loss and thought maybe writing would help. It did, and although this piece is a little darker than I usually write, it was therapeutic, and I wanted to share it because I am proud of my work. I did write it as a reader insert, but if you all read it and think it would be better as an OC story, I'll change it. Anyway, this is the first time I've ever written for Tommy, so please forgive the potential out-of-character actions he has in this story. Also, it has been a bit since I watched season 3 so forgive any mistakes. I took some liberties with the story by adding different children for Tommy and Y/N and some of the things that happened in the show. Well, I hope you enjoy this story, and would really like to know what you all think.

Y/N was no stranger to death. It was Small Heath, for goodness’ sake. Death practically ran in the water. Being deeply entrenched in the Shelby family since she was a young girl only made her acquaintance with death’s steely grip all that much closer. She had been to more than enough funerals in her 29 years of living. She was present at the cemetery when her father finally drank himself into his grave, she was there to mourn when consumption took her mother, and she showed up to support Ada when they buried Freddie. Y/N was always there when any of the Peaky boys were killed in the line of action, and she even showed up for her elderly childhood neighbor’s funeral. But this time, it was different. She wasn’t gathered in the woods on the outskirts of Small Heath to mourn for someone else. There wasn’t a stranger tucked away in the wagon standing in front of her. The Shelbys weren’t gathered to bid farewell to a distant relative or friend. The Lees weren’t generously providing this funeral for a price. No, the whole Shelby and Lee families were there for her and Tommy this time.

The heat from the flames washed over Y/N’s face, making her sweat a little, but she didn’t move. She wanted to be as close as she could possibly be. If she had it her way, she would have jumped into the wagon and let the flames swallow her whole, but Tommy’s hand tightly gripping hers anchored her to the ground. It had only been a few days. It couldn’t have been more than four, but with how time was moving, it felt like a lifetime had passed. The flames roared on, and Tommy squeezed her hand a little tighter, causing Y/N’s throat to tighten. She swallowed down the sadness trying to claw its way out of her. Y/N wasn’t going to break down in front of all these people. She didn’t want to cry at all, for that matter. It felt like it had been an endless stream of tears, and Y/N was done. If only her aching heart would catch the memo. Y/N’s eyes traveled the length of the flames until they landed on the little plaque one of the Lee boys carved for the wagon. “Lily Eleanora Shelby,” it read, and suddenly, the sadness returned with a vengeance. Y/N shut her eyes, and the events that led to this day played in her head. She was supposed to be happy. She was supposed to be full of unadulterated joy. She was supposed to be cradling her newborn baby girl. But she wasn’t. Instead, she held onto her husband’s hand like a lifeline as she watched her daughter’s wagon burn. One day. That’s all it took to completely destroy her.

Even as she stood there, watching the flames devour her daughter’s wagon, she still recounted everything she did four days ago, trying to figure out what could have possibly led to this result. Four days ago, she was a cheery 29-week pregnant woman. A stay-at-home mom who, with the help of their maid Frances, cared for her and Tommy’s three-year-old son, Benjamin. That day had started like any other. Tommy was already out, and she could hear Frances chasing Ben around his room. The little boy’s giggles echoed through the house, and she remembers smiling as she slid a hand over her round tummy. Y/N couldn’t wait for Ben to be a big brother. She got ready like any other day and eventually made her way to her son, who welcomed her presence with a hug and a kiss. The little boy rubbed her tummy, planted a chaste kiss to her navel, and smiled at her.

“I just wanted to let my little brother or sister know that I love them too, Mommy,” he had said, causing Y/N’s heart to clench. Even at three, he was a charmer, just like his father. She knelt to be at eye level with her son and lifted her hand to cradle his face.

“You’re going to be a wonderful big brother; do you know that?”

“Of course I will be, Mommy. I’ve been practicing sharing my toys with Frances and making sure I listen real good to you and daddy.” He said, standing up straighter to exhibit his full height. “Frances says I need to be a good example for the new baby, or else Santa won’t bring me any presents this year for Christmas. How outrageous is that, Mommy!?”

Y/N stifled a laugh before brushing Ben’s hair back and looking up to see Frances smirking from her spot by Ben’s block tower.

“I’m sure Santa won’t forget about you this year, honey.” She told her son. The boy gave her a toothy grin before trotting off to continue playing with his blocks.

Y/N returned to her feet and watched Ben for another minute before retreating to the new nursery. It was already put together, and she often found herself hiding away in that room. She glided her hand over the bassinet and let the soft fabric tickle her palm. The walls were already decorated with paintings of horses, some of which came from Ben, who insisted that his younger sibling have them. She sat on the rocking chair and gently rubbed her hands over her stomach, earning a little kick from her unborn child. A soft laugh fell from her lips as she looked down at her growing bump.

“Sorry to disturb you, love.” She whispered, her hands still rubbing slow circles. “Mommy just wanted to let you know she loves you very much. And so does your big brother, who is very excited to meet you.”

Another kick came.

“You’re excited to meet him, too? I’ll have to let him know.”

“Daddy loves you too, just in case Mommy forgot to mention that.” Tommy’s voice came from the doorway, causing Y/N to look up. He gave her a full smile, the one he reserved only for her and their son, and it fell over her like a warm blanket.

“Mommy was just about to get there. Had daddy not interrupted her,” she said. Tommy hummed in response as he floated across the room to kneel before her. He looked up at Y/N through his lashes and said, “Sure you were,” before removing her hands and planting a soft kiss where they had just lay.

“Daddy can’t wait to meet you,” he whispered against her stomach, his warm breath radiating throughout her body. Tommy looked up at Y/N before standing and pressing his lips to hers. When he pulled away, a smile matching his spread across her face. She was beaming. She had dreamt of being in this position for many years as a teenager, and now it was real. Thomas Shelby was hovering over her very pregnant figure in their unborn second child’s nursery. Their lively three-year-old son’s muffled laughter ricocheted off the hallway walls. It was everything she ever wanted, and she was so happy.

“What’s that look for?” Tommy asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

“Nothing,” she hummed, gaining a skeptical eyebrow raise from her husband. “I just love you. That’s all.”

Tommy nestled his face into the crook of her neck, peppering kisses along the exposed skin. Then he pulled back, looked into her eye, and said, “I love you more than you know, Y/N.”

He gave her one more swift kiss before standing and sauntering out of the room with a smirk. The rest of the day went by like any day usually went. She sat around and read, played with Ben, ate lunch at 1100, put Ben down for a nap at 1230, and then went back to reading. Tommy was in and out, balancing work from home and the office. She could tell that day was extra tiring from how he sighed every time he left the house. It was after Tommy left for the last time of the day that Y/N got the idea to wander down to the kitchen. When she entered, the cooks were hard at work peeling and slicing vegetables.

“Good evening, Mrs. Shelby,” the head chef began, “is there anything we can do for you, ma’am?”

Y/N clasped her hands behind her back as she rocked back and forth on her heels like a guilty toddler. “Um,” she said, “actually, yes, there is.” She stepped into the kitchen and moved her hands to rest on her stomach. “I was thinking that maybe tonight you and the rest of the staff could take the evening off and allow me to cook dinner.”

The head chef’s eyes widened at her statement. Everyone else stilled for a brief moment, waiting for him to speak. “Oh,” he stammered, “b-but, Mrs. Shelby, and please forgive me if I am overstepping, but shouldn’t you be resting instead of cooking?” His eyes dipped down to her protruding abdomen before landing back on her face.

“Resting? I rest all day. Really,” Y/N said, waving the chef’s comment off, “it would be nothing. I actually miss being in the kitchen. It’ll be nice. Therapeutic.” She couldn’t miss the wide-eyed stares from everyone in the room, but she chose to ignore them. When they didn’t move to leave, she stepped forward, placed a gentle hand on the head chef’s back, and began leading him out of the kitchen.

“Trust me,” she said, “I’ll be fine. Thank you for your concern, though.”

Once she ushered the staff out, she began working on dinner. It had been a long time since she cooked, but it came back to her like riding a bicycle. She couldn’t escape the excitement that bubbled inside of her as she fell into a groove preparing dinner for her family again. She boiled the potatoes the staff had peeled, sauteed the peppers and onions, and braised the beef that was in the refrigerator. About an hour into cooking, a dull pain emanated from her lower back and into her hips. The dull pain slowly morphed into a pressure that she just assumed was normal 29-week pregnancy symptoms. It’s just the baby getting comfortable. The baby is just moving around and pressing a little harder than usual on my cervix. She ignored the feelings and finished cooking before asking the kitchen staff for help to bring the meal into the dining room. Once the table was set, Frances went and fetched her boys, alerting them that not only had Y/N cooked dinner, but she had also served it. She greeted the boys in the doorway of the dining room and gave each a kiss before they all sat to eat. That pain returned in her lower back and hips, making it hard to get comfortable in her seat. She let out a low groan of discomfort, and Tommy placed his hand over hers to gain her attention.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his eyebrows knitted together. She swallowed another groan that threatened to come out and nodded with a strained smile. Y/N could tell that her weak answer did nothing to reassure Tommy, but he didn’t press her.

“How do you like the meal?” She asked, doing her best to not sound strained against the constant pressure she felt pulsing between her legs.

Before Tommy could answer, Ben nodded with enthusiasm and stuffed a heaping scoop of mashed potatoes into his mouth. “I love it, Mommy! This is the best dinner I’ve ever had,” he said through his mouthful of food.

Y/N smiled, but it must have looked more like a grimace because this time, Tommy stood up and moved to her side. “Y/N,” he said, placing his hands on her shoulders, “are you sure you’re okay? Should I have Frances phone the doctor?”

Y/N grabbed his hand and squeezed it as she looked up to her husband. “I’m fine, darling. I promise. Let’s just finish dinner.” She pulled his hand to her mouth and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. Then, using her head, she motioned for Tommy to sit again. He stared at her for another moment, the line on his forehead deepening, before sighing and retaking his seat. She kept her discomfort under wraps for the remainder of dinner because Tommy didn’t mention anything until after they had put Ben down for the night and were about to crawl into bed. The pressure and pain had only grown in that short time, and she was beginning to get nervous. She was sitting on the edge of their bed, eyes shut, and taking some deep breaths when Tommy’s hands landed on her thighs. She could feel him kneeling between her legs, but she didn’t open her eyes. She didn’t want to admit that her anxiety was consuming her or that the pain and pressure had turned into abdominal cramps. It wasn’t until she suddenly felt the bed beneath her sopping wet that she looked at Tommy. He looked down and saw the fluid dripping from her nightgown and their duvet before his gaze landed on her. She could see his mouth moving, but his voice was drowned out by her rapidly beating heart. Something is wrong. She thought. This shouldn’t be happening. I’m too early. Tommy pushed away the hair that had begun sticking to her sweaty forehead, and then ran out of the room. His voice was distant, but she could have sworn he said something about calling Polly and Ada. She wasn’t sure because all she could focus on was the sharp pain that was puncturing her abdomen and the immense pressure building between her legs. Before she could comprehend what was happening, Tommy scooped her up and lay her on their bed. What about the sheets? I’m going to ruin the bed.

She must have said those thoughts aloud because Tommy quickly said, “Don’t worry about the bed, love. We’ll get another one if we have to.” The pain was only getting worse, and she had to shut her eyes and bite her tongue to prevent a groan from escaping. She didn’t know how much time had passed before Polly and Ada came rushing into the room, shoving Tommy into the hallway. When it was just the three of them, Y/N finally let out a guttural moan. She didn’t remember this much pain when she gave birth to Ben. Something is wrong. Something is not right. Those words chanted in her head like a mantra. Polly set her up on her bed while Ada used a wet towel to wipe away the sweat beading on her face.

“Just breathe, Y/N,” Polly chirped soothingly in her ear. “Ada and I are here. We’re going to take care of you.”

Anxiety coursed through her veins and unfurled in her gut when the pressure between her legs began to increase. She tried to cross her legs and prevent the inevitable from happening, but Polly and Ada wouldn’t let her. Tears of pain and fear streamed down her cheeks. She wanted to scream at them to stop and let her try to stop this urge to push. But the pain and pressure were too much, and the only sound that came out of her mouth was a low groan.

She could feel Polly’s hand between her legs, and the words “crowning” and “push” floated to her ears. Ada took her hand, and Y/N tried with every fiber in her body to not push, but her body had other plans. She held her breath and begged her body to stop forcing her baby out of her, but it was too late. The pressure was building. Climbing to a peak that felt like it would rip her in half until suddenly, she felt relief. Her heavy breathing filled the room, and she waited impatiently for the tell-tale cries of her baby, but they never came. She opened her eyes and looked at Polly and then at Ada. They both just stared back at her, and Y/N knew something wasn’t right.

“Y/N,” was all Polly whispered, and she knew. The silence was deafening. She lay there, completely exposed, bleeding, and sweaty, and waited, but her baby gave her nothing. Her eyes shut and then, without any strength to stop it, let out a crushing wail. The tears overflowed, and when she opened her eyes again, she watched the door burst open and Tommy storm in. He moved over to where Polly held their baby and looked down at their motionless child.

“Why isn’t she crying?” He asked.

It was a girl. I had a baby girl. Even through her tears and sobs, she could see Tommy’s chest rising and falling at a rapid pace.

“Why isn’t she fucking crying, Pol!?” Tommy’s voice boomed through the room and mixed with her loud cries to create the saddest song. She could see the distress in the slant of his shoulders and how he ran a hurried hand through his cropped hair. He didn’t wait for anyone to answer his question before bounding across the room and landing on the floor next to her. His hands found hers, and she could feel them shaking. His lips pressed to Y/N’s forehead and cheeks, absorbing only some of the tears that continued to cascade down her face.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, but the way his voice cracked in her ear told her he didn’t even believe those words. “I love you, Y/N.” She could hear that his words dripped with the same despair she felt. “You know that, ey? I love you, and it’s going to be okay.”

Tommy’s words echoed in her head as she watched the fire blaze around her daughter’s wagon. She wanted to be convinced that his words were true, but she couldn’t bring herself to believe them. When the funeral finished, they all returned to Arrow House, where the wake was being held. Even being in a crowded room surrounded by family, Y/N felt alone. Her whole body was like radio static – unfeeling. Tommy’s hand was on her lower back the entire time, but she still felt like she was floating away. Nothing could tether her to this reality anymore.

Several people approached her and Tommy, and with every person, a new empty comment emerged.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” which loosely translates to, “Boy, that sucks to be you.”

“I can’t even imagine what you’re going through,” which means, “I’m really glad I’m not dealing with that!”

And, “At least you still have Ben,” equates to, “You shouldn’t be upset when you still have one kid alive.”

With every consolation tossed at her feet like the change she used to find on the ground when she was a child, this unknown sensation began to build in her chest. It was heavy and wild, like an untamed animal. It was red and bared its teeth, ready to bite. It was something Y/N had never felt before. She was usually understanding, calm, and collected. She wasn’t hot-headed or easily provoked. But now, she was quickly discovering that what she was feeling was rage. Hot and stormy, it ravaged her insides, and instead of beating it back into its cage, Y/N leaned into it, letting it hold her battered and broken soul up.

After the wake, Y/N let her sadness swallow her. She hid in one of the guest rooms daily and even went as far as to avoid Tommy. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him because every time their eyes met, two things happened. 1) she could see the grief he was carrying like cinder blocks chained to his neck, and 2) she could see the way he looked at her like she was a broken piece of artwork now. She knew she was a shell of the woman she once was, but it hurt her even more to know that Tommy saw it so plainly in her, too. He didn’t see her as the strong, independent woman he fell in love with. No, now she was a ghost of her former self, and she couldn’t take his pity for having lost their daughter and herself.

Although clearly grieving, Tommy didn’t seem nearly as phased by their loss as Y/N. He was able to jump back into work, and now, nearly a week since the wake, he was back to being fully invested. If Y/N were being honest, she envied Tommy for being able to distract himself. She couldn’t do anything but hide from the memories that haunted their home and do her best to still be a good mother to Ben. When a week finally passed since laying her daughter to rest, Y/N knew she had to do something. She would talk to Polly and beg for some sort of work. She didn’t care that Polly insisted that Y/N take some “time to heal.” She needed a distraction. Being in Arrow House felt more like a prison than a home.

Y/N got dressed and began to head for the door after handing Ben over to Frances. But, as she approached Tommy’s office, she could hear him talking. She peeked through the tiny crack to discover John and Arthur sitting at Tommy’s desk.

“Ada’s handling the Communists. She’s got someone on the inside who’s giving us information,” Tommy stated. “And,” he shuffled papers around on his desk, “I’m…dealing with Father Hughes.”

“And what about the horny princess?” John asked, leaning forward and adjusting his jacket. “You gonna figure out where her family keeps the jewels?”

Tommy waved him off. “I already know.” That single statement had both his brothers and Y/N leaning forward just slightly. Tommy lay a large blueprint on his desk, causing the brothers to stand.

“They keep their entire collection in this strong room. There’s no way to get in from above without a key,” Tommy stated, flattening the paper and looking up at his brothers.

“So, what’s your plan, brother?” Arthur asked like a good soldier. Tommy straightened slightly, and Y/N could tell he was a little uncomfortable. He pulled a cigarette from his case and slid it across his bottom lip before lighting it and taking a drag.

“We’ve gotta tunnel in,” Tommy said without hesitation. Those four words landed on the Shelby men like a grenade, and Y/N could almost feel the atmosphere shift at the statement. None of them moved. It was evident that the idea of tunneling hadn’t been a thought in any of their minds since the war. Tommy cleared his throat.

“I know,” he began, “but there’s no other way. I’ve already got Johnny Dogs ready to help. He’ll set up camp where we’ll start the tunnel.”

The air was thick, and again, neither of the brothers spoke. She knew they didn’t like the plan, but they would comply because Tommy was giving the orders. Y/N watched as John and Arthur fiddled with their suit jackets, their anxious energy hitting her like a baseball bat to the face. It wasn’t until Arthur blew out a puff of air and ran his hand through his messy hair, exposing his apprehension, that Y/N knew what she would do. Without even a second thought, Y/N opened the door to Tommy’s office, and all three men turned to face her. She was only adding insult to injury as the silence in the room became even heavier. Neither of her brothers-in-law had seen her since the wake, and the uneasy energy was almost palpable. Tommy stepped toward her but didn’t get too close, which Y/N could see his brothers noticed.

“Y/N, is everything alright, love?”

Her eyes flitted between all three of the Shelby men for a moment before finally landing back on Tommy. She knew she probably looked like a deer in headlights. Her stare was frazzled, and she knew she looked a bit harried. But she still squared her shoulders and stated with the most conviction she could muster, “Let me help.”

All three men’s eyes widened to the size of saucers, but only one spoke.

“Excuse me?” Tommy asked, incredulity lacing each word. There was no going back now. Y/N had to double down on her commitment. So, she waved her hand toward the blueprints on Tommy’s desk.

“With the tunnel.”

Tommy’s eyes turned a shade darker, and Y/N could see his jaw tick. She only glanced at John and Arthur for a second, and they both looked like they might choke on the thickness of the air. She felt like she might, too, but she held her ground. She was not a fragile porcelain doll and could help her husband like she used to. Tommy coughed, then turned to his brothers and, in a calm voice, asked, “Would you mind giving me a moment with my wife, boys?”

Neither of the brothers wasted a second before hustling out into the hallway. Once the door shut behind them, Tommy’s steely gaze landed back on Y/N. Before, she would have felt a little nervous under Tommy’s intense glare. She had never inserted herself into his shoddy business in the past. But now, she didn’t care. She needed a distraction and a way to prove that she was still a force to be reckoned with even after her loss. Y/N could see Tommy trying to contain his anger as his nostrils flared and his fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. His eyes shut for a brief moment as he took a deep inhale.

“Are you fucking insane, Y/N?” He finally asked, his voice level. Y/N’s mouth fell open, and she reared back just slightly. But before she could say anything, Tommy continued.

“You’ve been avoiding me, your husband, for a week in our own home, and when you decide to finally speak to me, that is what you say?”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Tommy.”

“No, Y/N!” He shouted, causing her to startle. “You can’t just move past this!”

That statement made Y/N see red. In the week since Lily’s passing, Tommy did precisely that. Y/N’s spine straightened, and her whole body became rigid.

“Why not!?” she shouted back, stomping toward Tommy. “Is that not what you did? Pretend like we didn’t lose our daughter? You threw yourself into your work. Why can’t I do the same thing?” Her chest was heaving, and as badly as she didn’t want them to, she could feel tears pricking at her eyes. She hated that she was a frustrated crier. Her fists were in tight balls at her sides, and every muscle in her body was flexed. She was ready for a fight. She was prepared for Tommy to yell back at her. In fact, she wanted him to yell at her. She wanted Tommy to tell her how stupid her idea was and that she was out of her mind. She mentally begged Tommy to scream at her for barging in on his meeting with his brothers and even thinking about tunneling. Y/N wanted to feel the passion he usually had toward her before they lost their baby. She needed him to reassure her that she was not a lost cause he was housing but his fierce wife. But he didn’t yell. The fire in his eyes dimmed, and his features softened. The pity eyes were back, and she was struck by the sadness she was trying to escape. She shut her eyes in a lame attempt to avoid looking at her husband and keep her tears at bay, but it was futile. The tiny droplets fell down her cheeks, and when she opened her eyes again, Tommy was right in front of her. He lifted his hands to cradle her face, and she hated how she melted into his touch. It had been a week since she even looked at Tommy, let alone touched him. She couldn’t lie, she missed him. But it was easier to hide from the pain and suffering they both shared than deal with it head-on.

Y/N let out a shaky breath and looked into her husband’s eyes.

“Why can’t I, Tommy?” She asked, barely above a whisper. “Let me help you. Please.”

Tommy’s thumb stroked her cheeks, wiping away a stray tear. He cataloged her features, and for the first time in a very long time, she wished she could see into Tommy’s thoughts. She stared at him and hoped that everything she wanted to say was conveyed in her eyes. I’m no longer the same woman I was a week ago. I’m a failure as a woman and a mother. I’m alone, letting my thoughts eat me alive. I’m scared you won’t love this broken woman I have become. Her eyes pleaded for Tommy to let her prove that she could still be the same person as before. She needed to prove to him and herself that she wasn’t hopeless. But when Tommy shut his eyes and let out a sigh, she knew his answer before he even said it.

He looked at Y/N and said sotto voce, “You know I can’t, love.”

Y/N’s body went rigid, and that new familiar sensation began to bubble in her gut. She could feel it rumbling and swirling, mixing with her fear and sadness, creating an uncontrollable fury. It burned like venom, but she found herself welcoming the sting. Her once soft features hardened, and Tommy noticed the change immediately. Her stare was blank, and the joy that used to fill it had vanished. Before losing her daughter, she never understood why the war had changed Tommy. She supported him while his experiences ravaged him, but she never knew why he returned with a harder exterior than when he left. But now, after suffering such a devastating loss, she understood. There is no coming back from witnessing a tragedy.

Tommy’s rough thumbs brushed against Y/N’s tear-stained cheeks and bent until his forehead rested on hers. “Where did the woman I married three years ago disappear to?” He said, his breath fanning over her face. He pulled back, his distressed stare locking Y/N in place, and whispered, “I know she’s in there.”

The words stung like a slap to her already bruised ego. She could feel the weight of that question in every bone of her body. All her fears began raging a war inside her head, and she could feel her armor cracking. She could feel the tears clogging her throat, burning as she swallowed them down. Her lungs felt like they weren’t getting nearly enough oxygen, and she was only seconds away from either crying or breaking something. With a swift step backward, Y/N separated herself from her husband. She hated to admit that her body yearned for Tommy’s hands back on her, but she batted that thought away as quickly as it appeared. Tommy slowly lowered his hands back to his sides, and she leveled him with a callous stare.

“That woman is gone, Tommy,” she spat. “She burned to ash with her daughter a week ago.” She could see the way her words landed on Tommy like bullets striking his chest. Some of her felt bad, but the angry beast slowly becoming her new persona convinced her she did nothing wrong.

Y/N waited for Tommy to say something, anything, back to her, and when he didn’t, she turned and reached for the door. Confidence that felt different from what she was used to coursed through her body like electricity. She was a little scared of who she was becoming, but those wild and fiery feelings of rage were the only things that brought her peace. Before pulling the door open, she turned back toward Tommy and said, “If you won’t let me help you, Tommy, I’ll find someone else who will. You forget, my roots run deep in this business, too.”

Tommy let out a dry laugh. “You’re really threatening me, now, ey?”

Y/N’s grip tightened around the cold door handle, and, through gritted teeth, she growled, “It’s not a threat, Thomas. It’s a promise.” Without a second look, she flung the door open and stepped out.

John and Arthur straightened at her abrupt appearance, and she just brushed past them, letting her feet carry her toward the front of their home. She knew they heard her and Tommy’s conversation, but she didn’t care anymore. This newfound boldness that her bereavement had granted her washed away any and all anxiety.

“Hope you enjoyed the show, boys,” Y/N tossed over her shoulder toward John and Arthur. “Next time, I’ll sell tickets and make talking to my husband more worthwhile rather than a waste of my time.”

She didn’t turn back around to see their reaction to her words. Instead, she showed herself out and hopped into one of Tommy’s many vehicles. She would find another way if he wouldn’t allow her to help. The image of a tall Jewish man whom she briefly met a while back when Tommy first started expanding into London entered her mind. She knew exactly who would be more than willing to give her a hand in her effort to help the Shelby family – Alfie Solomons.

229 notes · View notes

junedenim · 19 days

Text

you heard that they were the naughtiest

they were all naked, but he was the exposed one

warnings: smut, prostitution, p in v, blowjob, feelings :(

word count: 3.7k

It's not intentional per se. When he stumbles upon a room of half-naked women he doesn't reject the sight, but he didn't seek it out. He's kind of just shoved into the room. His friends insist it's the perfect way of getting over a break-up. He guesses he can't really handle rejection right now either which is why they aren't picking up chicks in a place where you wouldn't have to pay for it. Plus, they have to be on a tour bus in a matter of hours so they can't waste time here.

At least, that's his friends' thinking. All he can think about are tits, tits, tits! Seriously, he never thought he'd be overwhelmed by the sight of boobs after he made it through the rough stage of puberty but they're everywhere and he can only take his eyes off of them to look at another set of boobs. Two nipples staring at him like beady little eyes.

"You like?" A woman in a long robe with fluffy feathers lining it comes beside him. She's twice the age of everyone here and she must be the only one semi-dressed.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I mean...yeah." He feels like he's objectifying the women by looking at them but at the same time what the fuck else is he supposed to do? "Yes."

"Have your pick," she invites.

Alex feels flushed, his voice stolen from him as he chokes on his own spit. "What? Like any of them?"

The woman nods. She has a certain elegance that he wouldn't expect from a pimp. Her makeup is poorly drawn on and her hair looks like it's about to fall off her head but she wears pearls and diamond earrings, which could be fake but he can't tell the difference. "Your friends paid for you," she tells him.

There are blondes, brunettes, and gingers. There's one girl in the back with purple hair. "Can—can I do more than...?"

"More than one?" The woman laughs and Alex shrinks and he suddenly wishes he was getting rejected at some pub instead. "No, no, sweetie. That would be another additional payment and an extra fee. But any of my girls out here are for your choosing. I'm sure they'll treat you better than any girl you've had before. You seem like a nice one too. They might even give you an extra favour for that."

"Like a blowjob?" The question just falls out and he wants to slap himself after saying that.

The woman instantly starts laughing again. "Whatever you want, sweetie. You're in charge. Now, go on, make your pick."

She pushes him forward and brown, green, and blue eyes meet him. Unexpectedly, he's hit with the feeling of being a kid in a candy store and part of him feels bad for viewing these women as candy for him to consume but the other part of him (his cock) is growing hard and needy.

"Um, I'll, um, have her." Alex points to a woman, she must be right around his age, maybe a few years older. Wide eyes, kohl-smeared staring right back up at him. Her hair is long, wavy, reaching down far enough to cover her tits, her nipples peeking through at the movement of her head.

The woman rises from her chair and takes hold of Alex's hand, dragging him toward one of the backrooms. Her ass, bare and in plain view for him. He realizes he can do whatever he wants. He could squeeze it, smack it, rub it, kiss it, fuck it. It's a terrifying thought but the pleasure he gains, the way his dick feels so constrained can't be matched.

"So, uh, how long have you been doing this?"

She laughs, but it's a cute one, instead of a mocking one. "The whore thing?" Alex nods as she shuts the door behind him. "Couple years."

The room is relatively empty. There's a bed with white sheets, two bedside tables with lamps on each that are turned on, and a painting of a naked woman because they are obviously lacking in the department of nude women.

"The room to your liking?" She asks him.

He wipes his sweaty palms down on his jeans. "Yes!" He shouts it a little enthusiastically but again the woman giggles nicely and moves onto the bed, sitting on the edge, crossed-legged and tempting.

"How'd you like me?"

"How'd I like you?" He questions.

"Your call, honey. Take me whichever way you like."

He just about busts a nut at this woman, staring him down, who he can have free-range on. Something overcomes hum. Maybe it’s loneliness, but he’s first thought isn’t sex. "Can I kiss you?" He doesn't really know how else you're supposed to start sex. It feels weird to just put his dick in her right away.

She seems shocked by this sentiment. "Uh, sure."

Alex is still standing by the door. He shoves his hands in his pockets. "Not a lot of guys ask that, do they?"

She shrugs. "Some do. But I can see," she points to his crotch, "your erection." Alex's first instinct is to cover it up with his hands but he realizes he doesn't need to do that here. That kind of thing is encouraged here. "Most guys don't like to kiss about when they're already hard."

"Yeah, well, things with my girlfriend just ended, and—fuck, I wasn't supposed to talk about this."

She giggles. "That's fine."

"No, that was like the one thing my mates told me not to talk about. I guess I've been going on about it for a long time."

"Well, this is your time so you can do whatever you like but for reference, you only have me for about a half hour and that half hour started when you picked me so you only have about 25 minutes left."

"Oh, right, so we should probably..."

"Take care of that erection? It's up to you but I'll do everything, except rape kinks."

"People request that a lot?"

She shrugs. "Yeah. People request a lot of weird things. The rape thing gets a little iffy for me because I'm not, well..."

"Willing?"

"Well, I'm willing. I'm getting paid. It's my job. Some of the girls do it if you want to. I guess it helps keep people from raping other people."

"No, I mean, I kind of like it when the people I'm fucking want to fuck me."

"You're still hard," she notes. He definitely is. It's pressing up against his zipper and threatening to rip a hole straight through his jeans. "I don't mind talking to you if you want to do that but I have a feeling you might want to take care of that."

Alex lets out a chuckle of relief, finally relaxing just a little. "Yeah."

"So...however you want me." She's open and offering and it's terrifying. He's usually not the director of these things. It's always been a mutual thing but he feels less scared about taking charge then he thought he would.

"Okay. I'm going to take off my clothes if that's okay."

She chuckles. "Yeah, I think you're gonna have to do that eventually."

"Right." He laughs at himself, carefully taking off his shirt and jeans. He leaves his underwear on, nearing her slowly. He stands above her, tilting her face up with his finger, he looks down at her, and he knows he's fooling himself, but she really does look eagerly interested. Her eyes are erotic and her lips slightly puckered. He leans down slowly and kisses her lightly. "Can you give me a...blowjob?"

She stuffs away laughter and looks up at him with a grin. "Certainly." She pushes him back a step and sits on her knees. Her fingers skim the elastic teasingly, before reaching in, pulling them down, exposing him. She holds it and her hand with stimulating strokes. "You're so big."

He's never thought himself to be particularly enlarged. He hasn't really seen many, except in porn and at the urinals but, you know, he's not really looking at other guy's cocks while they pee. "Do you say that everyone?"

She bites her bottom lip, so close to his dick, he's starting to leak out precum and he can do anything he wants so he might just shove her head onto his cock. But he doesn't want to be brutal with her. "I mean, yeah, but I'm being honest. Swear it."

Alex believes her and gets amusement from the whole thing but he stands up a little straight with a bit more pride. He's apparently well-endowed. "Thanks."

She hollows out her cheeks and swallows around him, letting his shaft slide along her tongue until it hits the back of her throat. Then she retreats and starts all over again, leaving more and more of her saliva slathered on his cock every time it pulls out of her mouth.

It's wet and messy, but it's the best blowjob he's ever had, which isn't shocking. She does this for a living. Especially with the way she reaches under and cups his balls as she swallows his cock, rolling his sacks around in her hand and kneading his flesh softly.

It makes his knees weak and he doesn't think he can stand anymore. "Can-can I sit please?" He gets out through a moan. She releases him, charmed by his hesitation and his need to ask for permission. He sits down on the edge of the bed and shimmies towards the middle. He lays on his back and spreads his legs for her to crawl between, sharing a smile with her as she gets comfortable on her stomach.

She wraps her hand around Alex's cock again, pulling it back so she can lick up the underside of it repeatedly, from base to tip. Her tongue traces the vein before swirling around the tip, tonguing his slit a few times before making her way back down to suck his balls into her mouth. Her teeth nip playfully at the loose flesh.

That's when he has to pull her off of him. "I'm about to come and, I mean, if you don't mind I'd like to be in you."

She smiles, her eyes bright. "Yeah. On you, you on me, doggy. Should I pull at the Kama Sutra?"

Alex snorts. "You're really funny."

She rolls her eyes. "We're running low on time here. Make up your mind, mister!"

Alex flips them over after a moment, hovering over her as she looks up at him with wide eyes and an excited grin. "Ready?"

"Yeah." She widens her legs to give him more room to work as he moves back away from her on his knees. Alex reaches a hand down, squeezing those blinding tits. He leans down, placing his mouth over it and a shock goes through him as she moans. His tongue skims over her nipple and she lets out another one and he'll be thinking about how he got a whore to moan for the rest of his life and she also called him big.

He sits back up. "I'm gonna fuck you now," he tells her.

"Please," she groans and he feels like the man. Nothing will top this. He's the fucking man.

Not being able to wait a moment longer to be inside her, Alex slides his cock down to her slick hole and pushes inside. Her warm pussy envelops his cock inch by inch as he slides into her. "Oh my God," he moans as her walls cling to his shaft. "Holy shit."

She hums in acknowledgment. She reaches down and begins to rub her clit as his cock slowly fills her up more and more until he finally reaches the back of her, his balls pressing against her ass once he's all the way inside. She's breathing heavily, clenching her pussy around his cock to get used to the feeling.

He sighs as he starts to get used to the feeling. He feels on edge but he wants to make use of every single minute he has with her. He begins to move his hips, pulling his cock out just to shove it back in, slowly starting to thrust his hips.

"Yeah, right there," she tells him, pulling his body down so it's pressed against hers as he fucks her. "That feels so good. Do you feel good, baby?"

"You feel incredible," he grunts into her neck, leaning his weight on his forearms on either side of her head, his arms bending her legs back further. He's sure she's said that to a million guys before, maybe even a few today, but the way he feels inside her, he might be kidding himself, but it feels too tight, too wonderful for only him to be feeling this good.

She lets out a whimper in response, hands moving to Alex's head to tangle in his shaggy hair. "Kiss me," she begs, tugging his hair to bring his head up from her neck so he can press his lips against hers. She opens her mouth and allows his tongue inside, sucking on it gently as his cock slides into her in long, sensual thrusts, slowly but steadily.

Their naked skin pressed together, and his cock was deep inside her. Alex feels closer to her than he's felt with anyone in ages. He feels tense and he knows he's close. This has only been perfect and he wants it to end perfectly. He wants to get every penny's worth but he wants to make her feel good because he bet not everyone has made her feel this good.

Her body shakes as she comes, her pussy clinging to him inside her as she moans into his mouth. He wants to come with her so badly, but he wants to keep fucking her more, to show her how good he can make her feel.

Before she even comes down from her orgasm, he is flipping her over onto her stomach and sliding his cock back into her from behind, stretching his forearms so his hands are planted on either side of her body so he can push his hips into her in smooth, hard thrusts. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah, keep going," she tells him. He really wants to just press her into the mattress and hump her roughly, but he'll last longer this way, and he can tell she's enjoying it by the way she moves against him.

She arches her back and twists her neck so she can look at his face as he pushes into her, his cock hitting spots so deep inside her. It hugs him tightly and pulls him in deeper and deeper each time he comes barreling down into her.

"Oh, you're making my pussy feel so good," she cries. It's so intimate and makes him feel so connected to her. He can't believe how good he is.

"You like that?" Alex huffs barely heard over the sound of slapping skin each time his hips connect with her ass cheeks. His tummy tightens as he thinks about how special this feels. "Can I come in your mouth?"

"Yeah, yeah." She nods frantically. He pulls out and she flips onto her back. Alex moves up; he is just over her wide-open mouth.

A stream of cum shoots out from the tip of his throbbing cock and lands on the tip of her tongue. "Fuck," he moans at both the feeling and the sight of it, splatters landing on her cheek and nose.

His hips jerk as the last spurts of cum come out, landing on her. His legs wobble as his body buzzes in the aftershocks. "Wow," Alex breathes out in awe, enthralled by the sight. "You're so pretty."

"Thanks," she mutters. Alex lands on his back beside her, unable to hold himself up straight anymore. He breathes heavily as she sits up to wipe the cum off of her face.

"That was the best sex I've ever had." His tongue is spilling things out but he feels like he can tell her these things because that must have been some of the hottest sex she's ever had too.

She looks back at him with a grin. "You're cute, honey."

Alex regains some strength and leans over to where she's picked up a cigarette. His arms wrap around her waist. He wants to hold her tight, wants to cherish her. "You're so gorgeous."

"You want a smoke?" She asks before lighting her cigarette.

He shakes his head. He just wants to look at her without the blur of smoke separating them. "Here. Lay down with me."

"Your time is technically up but I guess I can take my break with you."

He's moved that she feels the same he does. Alex still can't believe what he's experienced, his body still recovering from the motions. She sits up against the headboard, smoking her cigarette so instead of cuddling with her side-by-side in bed like he wants, he'll sit beside her against the headboard.

"So, do you usually take your breaks with your customers?" He's a special and very lucky man, he knows it.

"Um," she thinks out loud, "sometimes. They'll give me one of their cigarettes or an extra tip if I sit and talk with them. A lot of men who come in here are really lonely."

He's not one of those men. He didn't give her cigarettes or money, she just wants to sit and talk with him and he's charmed by this. He wants to take her out of her. Not leave her in this dirty place where men take advantage of her and treat her nastily. "I can imagine."

She looks over at him with a smirk. "What?" He questions.

Her smirk drops and she shakes her head. "Nothing. So, your ex dumped you or you dumped her?"

Alex sighs. "She dumped me. I thought we might get back together but she's got this new guy and I'm just a loser, I guess." He's worried that means he's calling her a loser so he quickly tells her, "That's nothing against you. I'm sorry if that came off rude."

She laughs and shakes her head. "You're fine. I've been called much worse."

Alex can't imagine anyone being rude to her. She's angelic in her caring and her laugh is like the sun shining on you, beating you in heat after a cold winter. "I'm sorry they've done that."

"It's fine," she insists. "People don't really understand my job. I like doing it and that shocks people. I guess there are your regular creeps but that's half the people out there nowadays. So, this way instead of being stuck with a crappy date with these people, I get paid to sleep with them and never see them again. I mean, who doesn't like sex?"

"I don't know who wouldn't like sex with you." He's being mushy but fuck, if you could see her, if you fucked her, you'd be feeling the same way.

She throws her head back in laughter. "Thank you, sweetie. I wouldn't have hung around her so long if I wasn't good at it. I'm a professional feel-gooder. I make everyone who comes in here feel better when they leave."

"Well, you've made me feel much better," he tells her.

She smiles over at him, taking a pull of her smoke. "Good. I'm glad to have done that."

"Even just talking to you I feel understood." He's looking at her and something pulls through him. He just wants to spill all his guts. Tell every little secret and then she'll share hers. It can't feel this good with everyone.

"Good," she says.

He's leaving town in a matter of hours and he can't even bear to leave her behind, at least not without getting her number. Christ, he doesn't even know her name. He curls an arm around her shoulders. "I'm leaving town soon but how would you feel about going out with me once I'm back in town."

"Oh," she smiles at him so lovingly, heartbeats skip, and he's lost in her eyes. He can't imagine how anyone could badly treat her, leave her, forget her. She softly chuckles. "Honey, I don't do that kind of thing."

His eyebrows furrow. "Are you not allowed?"

She shakes her head. "I just don't go out with people I meet at work. I'm not a girlfriend, I'm a quick fuck. I can give you conversation, I can be a flirt, I can be a slut, whatever, but I'm not gonna date you."

"But...I thought that we..."

"Sweetie," she's cooing at him and he hates this feeling. It's like getting dumped all over again. "I'm just doing my job. You're a total sweetheart. I mean, girls must love you."

"Well, what about you?" He asks like saying that, questioning her will change things.

She gives him a crooked smile and she looks slightly remorseful. "I'm not a girl. I'm not really anything to you. You don't even know my name."

"I could. You could tell me all about you and I'd love all of it—" She tries to suppress a laugh but it pulls through. Everything just sinks in him.

"I'm sorry. I feel horrible. But I can't give you what I don't have. If you're ever back in town, I'll be here."

He scoffs, "You just want money." He feels bad. He's being a bit of an asshole but he's hurt. It pours over him all over again.

"Yeah," she admits, "doesn't everybody? I truly did have a nice time but I have a feeling you'll find a girl and you won't need any of this."

It makes him feel a little better like the whole thing wasn't made up in his head. Still, he's lost, annoyed, and he fucking hates this feeling. This loneliness that covers him. This was just supposed to be a fuck. If he wanted rejection he could have gone to a fucking pub or called up his ex-girlfriend but, no, he had to go too far in and believe some fantasy.

"I'm sorry," he says.

She frowns at him. "There's no reason to be sorry. These things happen. You're a great guy, I can tell. You're just not my guy."

He digests this. Dry swallows the cold hard pill. He takes a deep breath and looks away. It doesn't soften the blow anymore. But he feels better knowing that he'll land on his feet. He'll get over this, eventually. He's just trapped in a hole and one day he'll crawl out of it. Even she, the whore, believes in him. "Can I have a cigarette?"

She feels bad. So, she gives him one.

a/n: i was kind of shocked how many ideas i had for different eras of alex at a whorehouse. i don't know when i became this dirty-minded but i blame all of you!

#alex turner fic #alex turner x fem!reader #alex turner x oc #alex turner x reader #alex turner x y/n #alex turner x you #alex turner smut #alex turner #junedenim

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suugarbabe · 1 year

Note

My LOVE, you brilliant beautiful minded human. I have another Enzo idea if youre up for it.

Ravenclaw!reader who is Theo's (any of the boys really) relative (i was think twin or sister in the year below but whatever you fancy really) who they're super protective of because we're smaller than them. And we're in a relationship with Enzo, which Theo isnt thrilled about but at least its someone he trusts.

Anyway, Ravenclaw x Slytherin match has just finished and on the way to the change rooms someone (probs Pucey) slaps reader on the ass and says something gross. Draco grabs Theo because "i will NOT have you benched for the rest of the season" but they forget Enzo who wacks him with his broom and beating him before turning to Draco and telling him he can shove quiditch up his ass.

Or something like that 🩶🩶

mmm love love

Your family was shocked when you got sorted in Ravenclaw. When Theo can been called up first, everyone knew he would be in Slytherin. When you, his twin, were called right after him and that sorting hat stalled slightly, the room became silent. When it shouted Ravenclaw, you thought you were doomed.

Thankfully, there's no bond like a twin bond, and regardless of your house Theo had you close by his side, which included his group of friends. So when you and Enzo started dating each other, Theo shouldn't have been surprised. However he was furious like a protective brother was.

Theo had made both you and Enzo sit on the common room couches as he gave you a 'stern talking to', which was really just an over-protective brother speech, giving the typical "I'll kill you if you hurt her Lorenzo" lines to which you rolled your eyes and Enzo just smiled, promising to protect you fiercely.

Luckily, being not only Enzo's girlfriend but Theo's sister meant that no one, ever, touched you, bothered you, bullied you; nothing. You were essentially protected on all sides at all times. You never really had to watch out for anyone, because someone was always watching over you.

So after the quidditch semi-finals, when you went to meet Enzo after the game by the locker rooms, you weren't expecting the events that transpired.

You had your back to the entrance, talking with Pansy while you both waited for the boys, when you heard the whining slime of Adrian Pucey.

"Two birds with one stone, you're not both waiting for me are you?" You scoffed, not even giving him the satisfaction of turning around. "Oi, fuck off you right prick," Pansy raised her hand, middle finger on display.

Upon hearing the commotion one of the other team members used their wand to open the curtain of the tent, just in time to see Pucey grab a handful of your ass and say, "I bet you'd like that wouldn't you, a good night on riding my prick would give you a fucking attitude change there, Nott."

Immediately Theo was on his feet, only to be grabbed by Draco, "No way, not here, I will not have you benched for the cup next week. We'll take care of him after that, you here me?"

Theo opened his mouth to respond, only to be cut off by the sound of bone cracking. In his haste to calm down your brother, both guys had forgotten about Enzo.

They both turned in time to see Enzo lift his broom up once more, swinging it down against Pucey's ribs before throwing it aside and swinging his fists. Theo and Draco let Enzo get a few good blows before running and pulling him off, Enzo still shouting at him, "You're a fuckin' dead man, Pucey! Dead! You hear me? Lucky I had my broom in my hand and not my wand or I'd Avada your bloody arse for touchin my girl!"

You knew it meant there was probably something toxic deep down inside you, but Merlin did that whole scene just turn you on. You couldn't help but walk right over to Enzo and pull him in to a harsh kiss, ignoring the protests and gags from Draco and your brother.

"C'mon, Enzie, let's go clean up your hands, hmm?"

#enzo berkshire x you #enzo berkshire angst #lorenzo berkshire x you #enzo berkshire x reader #nott!reader

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drdemonprince · 4 months

Text

I was talking to some relatives about our comparative sensitivities to substances. As a young person, I had the classic Autistic hyper-sensitivity to drugs. Two beers could knock me out. Anything past that was disgusting to me; at Ohio State I was constantly hiding half-drunk solo cups of Natty Light on bookshelves and in basements because I couldn't keep up with anyone else. I had no taste for weed or anything harder because I hated how tired it made me feel. At the same time, I always remained lucid on substances. I was always the person who could snap into practical, problem-solving thinking and put on a sober face if a member of my party got in trouble for pissing in the street or started fighting or ran afoul of the cops.

growing up, my friends were always trying to get fucked up so they could escape their brains and their realities, and then falling into huge problems because they'd done so. they'd get drunk and piss themselves. drive drunk home. fall in love with some dude on cocaine ten years older than them and then have to bust open a garage window with their fist when he was freaking out threatening himself. they'd blow out their caffeine receptors on weird drug store cold medicine and not be able to drink coffee for years. they'd drag themselves hung over to work or have to run a 5k still stoned. i didnt understand why they'd be so irrational. i was always the person sitting on the floor, a little tired but fine, watching them wrestle eachother drunkenly or cry when they'd started taking whatever drug it was to make themselves feel good. i didn't understand why someone would choose to weaken themselves and make themselves feel even worse. but nothing ever really felt good to me. i was just a flat line.

My sensitivity has changed thanks to testosterone, specifically because of muscle growth. I can throw back a number of drinks that startles me now, and feel almost nothing. A few months back a friend was being very generous with the boozy slushies at Sidetrack and the shots. I don't know how many I had. But more than I'd had to drink in many, many years at least. Which is probably still a small-seeming number to the real professionals, maybe something like 6 or 7 drinks total. But I felt completely fine, nothing past a little silly. I ate a taco on the curb, sipped some water, and then I was fine.

My sister is barely feels substances at all. She can't tell when pain medications work. In college, during a spat with a sorority "little" of hers who began to stalk her, she spent every afternoon at the bar downing shots from a shot-club list in exchange for a t-shirt, and it didn't affect her. She hates food and eats very little because of probably ARFID, but she will drink just about anything, and can do so in abundance if she wants to. But she rarely wants to, because it doesn't make her feel any more fucked up than a couple of cocktails. She smoked weed and took edibles sporadically for years without them ever kicking in or doing anything to her.

I am reminded of that story I read about the guy with really high social anxiety whom the CIA gave like ten tabs of acid, as part of some fucked up experiment, and he remained completely lucid, polite, present, and normal-seeming the entire time. Because he was just such a fucking tight-assed neurotic person that he couldn't let go of his iron-tight grip on reality. After his 12th acid tab, he got a little bit sleepy and went off to bed, or something like that. (If someone remembers this story and can find a link, send it to me!).

I don't know that I'd be the same, I've never tried, acid, but I imagine that it would play out something like that. I'd clench my firsts tight onto reality and keep masking as normal until I reached the absolute fucking brink of my ability to cope, and then I wouldn't enjoy the high, i'd just be so fucked up that I needed to go lie down. Mushrooms didn't affect me much, either.

I can't seem to escape my constant neurotic rumination and compulsive need to attend to the reactions of others and modulate myself. I wish I could let loose, but then again, when a person says they want one thing and they behave in a completely different way, trust the behavior. Clearly I don't want to lose control. I'm obsessed with maintaining my perspective. The one time I got properly zooted high at Nowadays in New York I nearly lost my phone, and I don't want to risk anything like that again. Anxiety is such a protective thing. we evolved to survive not to be happy. and all told i'm pretty good at keeping shit together, looking after myself, looking after others, and not fucking things up. my anxiety and rigidity has spared my ass a whole lot of problems, saved me a lot of money, helped my career, helped me escape arrest. i wish i could relax once in a fucking while but also i dont. im in love with what a tight ass sharp edged tense little bitch i can be. i dont know who the alternative version of me even would be. if i were to let properly loose and get sloppy it would feel like some abdication of duty, because I know that I *can* keep it together no matter what, and it seems so many people can't.

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luimagines · 1 year

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Oh!! I have a request! How about some magic shit happens and the boys are turned into kids! And reader has to take care of them! It can be one at the time or all of them at once, whatever you prefer. And maybe they remember what happened when they're back to normal? I love your writing, take your time to write and stay hydrated!!

Oh sure! How cute!!

Masterlist

Part one will include Wild, Sky and Legend

Content under the cut!

Wild

The giggles were contagious. You found yourself on the verge of laughing hysterically next to the small child.

Somehow Wild got hit from a wizzrobe to be no older than five years old and yet he's as if he hasn't changed. Stranger yet, you've gathered that he either must have been displaced in time or he was the only one to time travel. His scars are gone as well so it's not as if he was shrunk.

"Ooh! An apple!" He sprints towards the tree, running up the truck and latching onto the first branch he can reach. He then swings his body up and over it before he shimmies over to pluck the apple for the branch above.

"He's just as bad." Four laughs to himself.

"And yet he claims that he was the perfect soldier." Twilight frowns, standing under the branch to catch the kid in case he fell.

"I'm ok!" He calls down to the rancher. "You don't have to catch me! Papa lets me do this all the time."

You snort with your hands on your hips. "He must have had a lot of training."

"Or pressure." Warrior mutters.

That dampens your mood a bit. He makes a point.

You were having soo much fun just messing with the kid that you didn't stop to think about what his attitude actually meant. Was his carefree spirit beaten out of him? You hope not literally.

You hear him hit the ground and he runs straight to you, b-lining around Twilight to avoid him. You laugh at the Rancher. You didn't think he would take it to heart but he looks as if the kid just offended his entire legacy.

"Here!" Wild cheers, holding out a bright red apple in your direction. "You didn't eat breakfast. So you should eat too."

You flush and take the apple. "Thank you."

"You didn't eat?" Sky raises an eyebrow.

The little boy nods. "I saw them. They pretended they weren't hungry so they didn't have to eat the food."

You flinch. It was Hyrule's turn to cook. You had hoped to have gone unnoticed. Tou stand mistaken.

"Well... thank you, Link." You bite your lip, holding the apple up higher. "I was feeling a bit peckish."

He giggles and takes a bite out the apple he got for himself. "Aryll likes apples too. So I get to climb our tree to get them for her."

The group all relatively freeze. Wind especially.

"Aryll?" You try to keep the conversation going so that he doesn't catch on. "Do you take care of her?"

He nods, his face full of pride. "She's my baby sister! I have to take care of her, just like Papa says!"

"I bet you do a good job at that." You swallow your spit.

Does this mean he's unlocked memories too? You don't really want to think about it. Looking at the poor boy is starting to make you feel emotional. He doesn't deserve what he gets.

You take a bite of the apple.

It's bitter.

Sky

You stared and stared and stared.

Boyish laughs fill the camp as the others are also just at an lost to do. The only ones with any chance of corralling this kid are Wind and Twilight.

The group was down a member but also added the new challenge of dealing with said down member.

"Hello." The little boy stops running right in front of you, holding out a single pale purple flower. "This is for you."

You blink and take it gently. He can't be much older than six or seven years old. Much younger than any other in the group. Younger than the average age they all took up the mantle of hero. Young enough to have to idea who he is or what he will become.

"Thank you, Link." You say just as softly, placing the flower behind your ear. A few others squirm at the mention of their name. But you have no other choice to use it. The young boy wouldn't respond to Sky and he would have no inclination to abide by the unspoken rules they've set up.

He smiles back and hugs his arm close to his body. He's a shy boy but kind and just as gentle as he grows to be. He's innocent and curious but doesn't ask questions. He's incredibly trusting.

Your jaw flexes at the thought, but you won't let it change your facial expression. Sky seems to be waiting for something. You tilt your head down, meeting his eyes. "What is it, Link?"

He bites his lip. "....Would you....like to play with me? ...Please?"

You would never tell Sky that he has the most adorable puppy eyes in the history of existence. You never stood a chance. "Sure thing, Buddy. What do you want to play?"

He beams. "Hide and seek!"

"Maybe not." Twilight winces. You wince as well, especially when you see how Sky suddenly seems chest fallen. You're in the middle of no where and he has no way of coming back to you if he gets lost. Twilight explains it as such. "There's just not a lot places to hide, buck-o. So if you get lost, we'd have no idea how to find you again."

Sky pouts and looks upset enough to cry.

"We can draw." You blurt, wanting to save the moment.

"Really?" Sky perks up and looks around. "...But there's no paper."

You turn around and pick up a stick, snapping it in half and giving him the bigger half. "We'll draw in the dirt!"

Sky looks at the stick and pokes the ground with it. "...I used to do this with Zelda when we were bored. I don't think they have sticks at the Academy though."

"Yeah?" You plop yourself onto the ground, patting the spot next to you. "Tell me about it."

He smiles and sits down next to you, poking and dragging he stick through the dirt. "My loftwing is big and pretty but I'm too little to ride him yet. That's what Gaepora says."

You shoo away prying eyes and nosy ears.

Wind grabs his own sticks and you. "What's a lofting?"

Sky freezes. He's looks so lost. "You don't know what a loftwing is? Don't you have them on your island?"

Wind shakes his head.

Sky frowns and looks around. "I thought Skyloft was the biggest island and everyone knows what loftwings are."

He stands, looking towards the horizon. "But this is also a pretty big island."

You flinch. You didn't even consider that he wouldn't remember that he's on the surface.

Who's going to tell him?

Legend

"Where's my uncle?" The little boy asks. Once the smoke had cleared and the monsters were defeated, you had to take a look at the damage. This little boy stood where Legend once did. It seems that his clothes were changed with him, at least. Otherwise you don't know what you all would have been able to keep him from swimming in fabric.

You bite your lip and share looks with the rest of the group. The little boy looked scared and lost. He kept wringing his little hat between his hand as he looked for someone to answer him.

You gulped and got on your knees to meet his eyes. "What does he look like? Maybe we can try and find him together?"

You know where his uncle is. It was something had told you under the comfort of night, something he didn't really tell any of the others. But you can't look into his little teary eyes and tell him the truth and you certainly can't do it in front of everyone else.

"He's tall and strong." The boy looks more comforted now he gathered that you were going to help him. "He lost his hair but it grows on his chin instead."

"Bald with a beard. Can you tell me his name?" You smile and say your name. "What's your name?"

"I call him Uncle." He tilts his head. That's a no. "He calls me Link."

"Well Link, it's very nice to meet you." You're giving yourself extra brownie points for holding yourself together. "How old are you, Link?"

He frowns and lifts up once of his hand, sticking up four little fingers.

"Oh wow! You're already four years old." You try to keep things light. "Your uncle must trust you a lot since you're so big."

He smiles and giggles, covering his mouth with a small fist. "I get to help Uncle take care of the house. Sometimes he lets me help with dinner."

You smile back, trying to not let the image pull at your heart strings. Less you start crying on the spot. "I guess he'll need his little helper then. Come on, we'll all help you look for your uncle, ok?"

"Ok."

You stand up and stick your hand out. "Don't get lost now. Come on. We'll start looking."

Little Legend takes your hand and you look to others, finally, for assistance. You receive none. Only a few poorly hidden thumbs up from the others members.

"Traveler." You whine. "Tell me we can fix this."

He stares before nodding slightly. "Let me think of something."

You can only nod. This might take a while to fix.

Legend tugs on your hand, bringing your attention back to him. "Is uncle really faraway?"

"Uhh..." Your brain stalls before you figure the answer can't be so bad. "More like, we're really far away...From everyone. But we'll get back to find some people and then maybe we can find your uncle."

"You hear that Traveler?" Four says. "You have until we reach the next town."

You ignore the groaning. Legend looks so happy. "Good! He'll be worried about me!"

You tear up. "Let's fix this then, buddy."

Part 2

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #linked universe x reader #lu x reader #accidental angst!!!!#whoops #.....i might not be able to cover the entirety of the ask ^.^*#they're just too cute!#i'll just try to get the vibes #it might needs a sequel

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mandos-mind-trick · 1 year

Text

Danger

Summary: You share a danger meter with your soulmate, telling you how much danger your soulmate is in at all times. It's much too high too often for your liking, but with war raging in the galaxy, there's not much you can do about it. Your meter is still too high after the war ends, but a chance meeting at your workplace gives you the answer as to why.

Pairing: Wrecker x reader Soulmate AU

Warnings: NSFW, smut, fingering, oral, Wrecker has a big dick, unrealistic sex, unprotected sex, lots of mentions of Wrecker's size, some violence, brief mention of SA but it's barely noticeable, language, alcohol, fluff, Soulmate AU, food, a slight touch of angst.

A/N: I finally got it done. It's...long. It's the longest so far. So much for these being short fics lol. It's cute, it's sweet, it's spicy, it's a little bit angsty, kinda like Wrecker.

MASTERLIST

The meter’s sitting too high, again.

You stare down it, your stomach twisting nervously.

What are they getting themselves into?

Your soulmate link, like many others, came late. It had stumped you when you’d woken one morning to a meter on your left forearm, far past the normal age for developing one. It’s flat on your skin like a tattoo, designed like a meter with small ticks spaced evenly between two larger ones.

A danger meter.

One long line representing the needle of the meter would move around depending on how much danger your soulmate is in. The far left is safety, the middle is slight danger, and the right side is extreme danger.

About a year after it showed up, the needle began to move.

It gradually shifted from the left, toeing the line representing slight danger.

Two years after it showed up, it began sitting in the middle.

It didn’t spend all of its time there, but more often than not, the line drifted into the middle, or slightly above. As the years went on, it became more and more common to look down and see it sitting in slight danger. You try not to think too much about it, but the entire situation is puzzling.

Then the war started.

You were lucky and your planet stayed mostly untouched. Being in the core worlds, your planet was lucky enough to have the most protection by the Republic, despite not having much to offer politically or in terms of resources.

Despite your relative safety, the meter on your arm hit the right side about a year in. It became rare to see it dip back into the middle, constantly sitting somewhere in the right, even once going so high you almost couldn't see the needle because it was so close to the border of the mark.

It was around that time your friend showed you the site set up on the HoloNet dedicated to those whose soulmate marks showed up late, all close to the same time. It had been created, supposedly, by someone directly involved with the GAR, and they had mentioned the appearance of soulmate links among the clones.

By the time you found it, it had been proven that most of those with links that showed up within ten years before the war started, were likely linked to one of the millions of clones currently fighting to defend the Republic.

It certainly explained the late mark.

It also explained the constant danger your soulmate was in.

Of course, there also was the protocol that had been introduced early on in the development of the army requiring clones to reject their soulmates if they were ever to meet. With clones spread across the galaxy, it was very likely you’d meet eventually. Some claimed the clones didn’t agree with the rules and many of them refused to follow. Some protested, claiming that if clones do have soul links, then it’s just further proof they are individuals, not just faceless numbers to fill the army’s ranks.

You tried not to be too hopeful. You also tried not to be discouraged.

You found solace in the masses on the site like you. You spent your free time scrolling through the pages and pages of messages and posts. The rare few like you who shared the meter soulmate link, constantly worrying as the meter rarely dropped below the middle section. You read posts from those who claimed to have met their soulmates, those unlucky few who were rejected. The many who backed up the claim that most of the clones refused to follow that rule. Your heart broke for those whose soulmate links had gone dark, many before they’d even had a chance to meet.

It became a new fear, beyond the constant danger you knew your soulmate was in. You had nightmares, waking in the middle of the night to check that your mark is, in fact, still there. It hasn’t grayed out, it hasn’t disappeared. It’s always still there, always sitting too far into the extreme danger section for your liking.

You spend a lot of time trying to picture your soulmate. You know what he’ll look like to a certain degree. You’ve seen photos, private ones or edited propaganda ones, slightly blurry and pixelated ones from news sources spread across the HoloNet, of the clones. You know what he’ll look like to a point, but they all were different. They had tattoos, wore their hair a certain way, many had scars or marks on their armor. You wonder what he looks like. You wonder what his name is.

It helps distract you from the constant fear.

Then the war ends.

The site erupts into chaos. Everyone had expected the end of the war to bring nothing but difficulty. After all, what was the Republic going to do with millions of clones created to fight a war that’s over? Many had plans for smuggling their clone soulmate out from under the Republic, running away, fighting for clone rights, getting politicians involved.

Of course, those had all been plans for when the Republic won.

Though it’s never explicitly stated on the news, you know deep down not everything is as it seems.

The messages popping up on the site are only confirmation of your feelings.

Thousands upon thousands of posts. The clones have suddenly gone dark. Those that had been in contact can no longer reach them. Those who got messages nearly every day no longer hear from them.

They’re not dead. They’ve just...disappeared.

In the weeks that follow, some get brave enough to begin seeking them out. Or, at least trying to.

You try not to think about it too much.

Your meter’s still there, still far too high for your liking. Whatever had happened, your soulmate isn’t any safer than when the war was happening. The line is still consistently sitting on the right side. You can’t help but wonder what your soulmate is doing, if they’re okay, if they ever think about you.

The meter on their arm must seem very boring compared to yours. You’re rarely in dangerous situations. You’ve never been in a life threatening situation, and the closest you probably got to the middle section were a few close calls with drunk patrons at the bar you work at. You can’t even fathom being in life threatening danger, but if your soulmate is a clone, then they’ve spent their entire life in danger.

It makes you sad.

***

The day starts as any other.

You’re up early, mentally preparing yourself for your workday. Your job wasn’t hard, per se, more boring than anything. Cid’s Parlor rarely got busy enough to be overwhelming, which meant you usually got stuck doing more than just bartending. Anything Cid could find for you to do, she would make you. You know the parlor’s a front, but at least Cid considered you useful enough to keep you around.

Bolo and Ketch are already there by the time you arrive. Cid’s two loyal customers who spent almost their entire day gambling and drinking and messing around. They’re entirely harmless, though they have a habit of bickering and occasionally fighting.

Cid puts you to work immediately, before you even have time to put your things away. The floor needs swept, the bar needs restocking, the tables need to be wiped down again, one of the slot machines is broken. She’d take care of the last one herself. It’s not like she doesn't trust you, and it’s not like you’d steal either. Sure, your wages were meager compared to the work you had to do, but you weren’t going to complain.

There weren’t many other options for you.

You start with restocking the bar, the most exhausting of all of the tasks. Packing crates of full liquor bottles across the bar, and empty bottles out back to be recycled. It’s your third trip back when you notice them. A group has come in, looking rather out of place. Bolo and Ketch are fighting again, and you sigh, setting the crate of bottles on a table.

“Alright, you two, break it up. Nothing either of you have is worth that much.” You push them apart gently, your eyes trailing over the group following Cid back into her office.

They’re...clones.

You recognize the armor, at least. You’d stared at photos of it over and over during the war. Their armor is painted in reds, greys, and blacks though, instead of the usual white with different colored accents.

One of them is also large. Very large. Definitely not built like any of the clones in the photos you’d seen.

You go back to work, knowing Cid will find some way to deduct your pay if she catches you slacking. You can’t help but wonder who they are, wonder what they’re doing here. If they are clones...you know Cid had been involved with the Republic during the war. You hope she’s not in trouble.

You would likely be in trouble just for being associated with her.

You begin restocking, cleaning around the bottles as you go. The parlor certainly isn’t the cleanest place, given it was mostly you doing the cleaning, but at least you tried.

The group begins to file out a while later. You peek at them over your shoulder as they pass the bar, heading out the door. They don’t look like clones, yet you can still see the resemblance. You’ve stared at enough photos, you know the face like the back of your hand. Maybe they aren’t clones, maybe you’re looking too much into it. Maybe you’re just hoping.

You don’t ask questions, even when Cid leaves her office. You know better. Even if you’re itching for details, it’s not your business to know. Sure, you see the kinds of people Cid often meets with, but you don’t usually interact more than showing them to her office or occasionally, lying that she’s not around.

You don’t like lying, but usually Cid would slip a couple extra credits into your hand and ask you to play dumb. You do it, if nothing else to keep trouble away. After all, you’re just there to tend the bar, wipe down tables, and clean a permanently dirty floor.

The day is rather eventful, more so than usual. A few hours after the first group had left, a mean looking Twi’lek and two Gamorreans had entered the bar and rather rudely demanded to see Cid. You had directed them to her office before returning to cleaning glasses that never quite got to be spotlessly clean. You glance at the danger meter on your arm, the line sitting off to the right once more.

You still worry one day you’ll look down and the meter will be gone. Realistically you’ll know before it disappears off your skin. The pain, they say, is worse than anything you’ll ever feel. The emptiness after is unbearable. Many don’t last long after their soulmates die. Those that do rarely live happy lives.

You don’t want to be one of them.

You just have to find your soulmate.

There’s a noise outside the bar, like the roar of an animal. There aren’t any large animals that wander around Ord Mantell City. You’re half tempted to look when the Twi’lek and Gamorreans leave Cid’s office, the Trandoshan not far behind. You stuff your curiosity, lazily cleaning glasses while you wait for the few patrons that would inevitably stumble in for an evening of drinking and gambling.

Cid comes back in a few minutes later, one of the members of the group from earlier following. You can’t help but stare at him, taking him in. His hair is longer than any of the clones you’d seen, and there’s a tattoo of a skull covering half his face. His brow is furrowed, concentrated as he meets your gaze for a moment.

His eyes.

His eyes are the same as all the clones you’ve ever seen.

So Cid is dealing with a group of clones.

You break your gaze from the clone’s as he passes, glancing down at your arm. You frown, running your finger over your skin. That can’t be right.

The line is all the way to the left.

You almost can’t see it, it's so far.

It hasn’t looked like that in years. So what’s changed? Why, in a matter of hours, has your meter gone from its normal position to suddenly complete safety? You lean against the bar, holding your wrist against your chest, almost as if you could bring your soulmate closer.

Wherever they are, you hope they really are that safe.

***

You get introduced to the clones the next day.

They’re already there by the time you arrive for your shift. Cid introduces you to them, as they’d be doing some regular work for her and frequenting the parlor often.

They are indeed clones. Though they are enhanced, the one named Tech explains to you. That accounted for their physical differences, at least. Especially the youngest, the female clone named Omega. She’s cute, for a kid at least. You haven’t spent much time around kids. Neither have they, it seems.

You know the web group would be losing their minds over this.

You wouldn’t dare say anything, though.

It had become clear rather quickly that the Empire was directly involved in the mass disappearance of the clones. Many that had deserted were now on the run, having to hide for their own safety. Much like these clones in Cid’s parlor. Many had disappeared off the site, posts slowing to a crawl as some of them went into hiding, some tried to rescue their soulmates, and others...well, probably like you, were simply waiting.

You’d cross paths eventually. Fate wouldn’t give you a soulmate you’d never meet. That’s not the way it worked. You weren’t nearly brave enough to go searching, so you’d wait. No matter how long it took.

You’d find each other when you needed it.

The group of clones became frequent visitors at Cid’s parlor. They were “running errands” for her, which you knew meant they were taking jobs from Cid’s clients for a cut of the payout. Cid knows you know, but you know better than to ever ask directly.

You get to know them as they hang around the bar, some of them even assisting you in your various duties. Wrecker was more than happy to reach the high shelves and carry the heavy bottles for you. The large clone had intimidated you a bit at first, but you quickly learned he was a big, sweet softie. They’re all sweet, if a bit withdrawn, but you can understand. You can’t imagine having to be cautious, not being able to trust anyone.

Omega is the most comfortable, and if anything, curious. You’re happy to entertain her questions, glad to have the distraction while the parlor is slow. She’s grown on you a bit, but it seems she has that effect on everyone.

You’ve also come to like having them at the bar. Maybe it’s the joy of finally having other people around besides Bolo and Ketch, even if they were simply coming and going between “errands.”

You’ve also come to enjoy having Wrecker’s help. He’s just as enamored with your stories as Omega, sitting and listening to them just as eagerly. It’s helped take your mind off the stress, the worry about the safety of your soulmate.

Your meter is still jumping around. Sometimes safe, sometimes jumping to the middle, and even as far as the right. Only one time recently has it jumped all the way to the right, though. That has to count for something.

You blame the strenuous working hours on your inability to notice the pattern.

***

It’s late. Or early, depending on how you look at it. You’ve been working since early morning the day before. The parlor had been busier during the day, but it had died off in the late hours of the night. Even Bolo and Ketch have called it quits, leaving you alone with Cid. You haven’t seen the boys in a few days. They had gotten a visitor at the parlor that had caused quite a scene. You hadn’t asked, though, serving up drinks before heading to storage to do another inventory count. Whatever they had to talk about, it wasn’t your business.

They had left not long after, and you hadn’t heard hide nor hair of them since. You miss them a bit, at the very least, you miss their company. Your danger meter has been all over the place, only making you worry. For a while it had sat all the way to the right, before dropping back down. All day it’s been in the left section, at least taking that worry off your shoulders.

“Go home, kid.” Cid says, making her way out of her office. “Don’t bother coming in later.”

“You sure?” You yawn, fighting the sleep burning at your eyes. You’d curl up and sleep in one of the booths right now if you could.

Cid nods towards the door. “Go. Before I change my mind.”

“Thanks, Cid.” You say, finishing up what you’re doing before grabbing your things. “See you tomorrow.”

She waves absentmindedly as you make your way out of the door. It’s not far to your apartment, but it’s still late enough to be dangerous. The sky is still dark, and you know the streets will be mostly empty except for those late drinkers heading home. It’s not the first time you’ve walked home at this hour. You just preferred to walk home while the streets were still decently trafficked with people.

You keep your hands tight around your bag, anxiety thrumming in your chest. A left up ahead and you can cut through the alley and then two blocks down.

You shouldn’t cut through the alley.

It’s a rookie mistake.

You had sensed someone following you, keeping back far enough in the distance, you hadn’t been able to see them when you turned the corner. You knew they were there, though, something in the back of your mind telling you to be alert.

Cutting through the alley is a mistake.

They’re on you as soon as you disappear from the street, arms wrapping around you from behind, a hand covering your mouth as you attempt to scream. You kick your legs back, flailing your arms to try and either slip out of their grasp, or hit them hard enough to force them to let go.

Your plan sort of works, your foot managing to catch him in the knee. He drops his hand from your mouth, his grip loosening enough for you to try and twist out of his grip. You scream, hoping someone, anyone might hear. His hand catches your arm as you try to get away, yanking you back.

“You bitch!”

You double over as his fist hits your stomach, your scream cutting off in a squeak as the air is cut off by the impact to your diaphragm. You’re done for. You know this one isn’t just after your bag and its meager contents. You can smell the alcohol wafting off him, the strength to his hold fueled by the alcohol pumping through him. He’s out of his mind, but he’s going to take what he wants.

“Hey!”

You both turn to look, surprised by the voice at the end of the alley. Someone had heard. You try and look past the drunk at your knight in shining armor.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

You stare at the hulking mass making its way down the alley towards your position. His face is hidden under a helmet, a familiar design on the front.

Wrecker.

You watch in shock as Wrecker grabs the drunk man, tossing him easily out of the alley and into the middle of the street. He staggers back to his feet, obviously knocked a little sober by his impact as he turns and runs.

You’re seated on the ground, your legs having given out. Your breath is still wheezing, your diaphragm spasming painfully as it tries to recover the assault it had just taken. You’re gonna be feeling that one in the morning.

“Are you alright?” Wrecker asks, kneeling down in front of you.

He reaches out with such tenderness, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. You almost melt under the touch, such a contrast to the brute strength you had just seen. You can’t do much else but nod, still gasping for air. Your heart is pounding, anxiety burning through you at what had just almost happened.

“We should get you looked at.” He says, scooping you up into his arms.

It’s shocking how easily he lifts you. Like you weigh nothing at all. You suppose you don’t hardly weigh anything to him, with his enhanced strength.

You point your arm down the alley. “That way.” You gasp out. “My apartment.”

“Just show me the way, then.” He says, carrying you out of the alley.

You let yourself relax in his arms, directing him towards your apartment building. Your breathing settles, but there’s an ache in your stomach now. There’s probably already a bruise.

You lean your head against Wrecker’s shoulder, looking up at the side of his face. “How did you know where to find me?”

“We got to Cid’s just after you left. I...didn’t like the idea of you walkin’ by yourself. Hunter told me which way to go.” His grip tightens just slightly around you. “Then I heard you scream.”

“Thank you.” You say as he ascends the steps to your apartment.

“Aww, well, it was nothin’.” He says bashfully. “I don’t want anything bad to happen to ya.”

A smile tugs at the corner of your lips. It’s been a long time since someone cared about you that much. Wrecker sets you back on your feet, your stomach twinging painfully at the motion. You unlock your door, limping inside. You want nothing more than to collapse on your bed in exhaustion, but you should at least slap a bacta patch on your wound first. Wrecker follows you in, looking comically large in your small apartment.

“There’s a med kit under the sink.” You say, dropping your bag on the couch.

Wrecker retrieves it for you and you open it up, setting it on the table. You pull your shirt over your head, looking down at the sore spot on your stomach. Wrecker clears his throat, flushed bright red as his gaze tries to look anywhere but you.

Your face heats up as you realize what you’ve done. “Kriff, sorry Wrecker.” You grab for your shirt, quickly trying to pull it over your head. “I’m...not used to anyone else being here.”

You pause with your shirt halfway on your arms as he suddenly appears inches in front of you. He had moved so silently for someone so large. His hand reaches out, moving slowly like he’s waiting for you to stop him.

You don’t.

His gloved fingers brush your side, your body twitching just slightly at the ticklish sensation. It’s been so long since you’ve been touched by someone else so gently. The occasional grab, feel, grope, pass of a hand is nothing new working at the parlor. You didn’t like it, though, when the drunk men got too bold.

Wrecker’s touch is gentle, like he’d pull his hand away if you said the word. It’s so different. So new.

You like it.

“That must get awful lonely.” He says, staring down at your face.

Of course, as a clone, he’d likely never known what it was like to have his own space. He’s always been surrounded by other clones, always sharing his space, always having someone around.

“It does feel that way sometimes.” You say, staring up into his eyes.

His gaze is soft as he stares at you, such a contrast to the power you know lies within him. He could squash you like a bug. Yet, his gaze speaks of nothing but gentleness. His hand is so warm, so big as his palm encompasses your side, fingers splaying across the softness there.

“Wrecker?” You ask softly, a question burning in the back of your mind. “Why did you follow after me?”

His eyes widened just a bit, like he wasn’t expecting that. He’d already sort of given you an answer, but something within you is telling you it’s not the entire truth. He stumbles over his words for a moment, his eyes looking everywhere but your face. “I, uh, when Cid said you left already...I...checked my danger meter.”

It takes your brain a moment to catch up to his words. Your eyes widen a bit, your gaze dropping to your own danger meter on your arm. The line is all the way to the left, almost invisible against the border of the meter.

Realization dawns on you all at once, your stomach swimming with more than just nerves now. Every time the meter read safe, the boys were at Cid’s bar. Every time it drifted to the right, they were out on an “errand” or away from the bar. When one was in close range with their soulmate, their meters would read completely safe.

“Because there’s nowhere as safe as with your soulmate.” You whisper, lifting your gaze back up to his.

He’s staring at you again, intensity burning in his gaze. It’s not the usual intensity you’ve seen in him, the competitive and protective streaks you know run deep within him. This is something else, something you’ve never seen before in him.

“Wrecker, how did you...know?” You whisper, not trusting your voice not to waver as tears begin to pool in your eyes.

He shrugs. “Well, it was mostly just a feeling.” He lifts his other hand, rubbing the back of his neck. “Then I saw your meter and overheard you talkin’ to Cid the other day.”

Right. Cid had caught you staring at your meter for the thousandth time and had asked you what was so interesting about it. Trandoshans have soulmates, just like most of the other species in the galaxy, so Cid knew about your mark and what it meant. You’ve never asked Cid about her own link. She’s never brought it up, so you’ve always been too scared to ask.

“I asked Tech what it meant.” Wrecker continues. “He said some links sort of...turn off if you’re close to your soulmate. He said it all technical but that’s what it means. Meters don’t show danger when you’re close to your soulmate cause there’s no danger this close.” He shrugs again. “I just kinda figured it out lookin at my own.”

“You’re so smart, Wrecker.” You laugh, your stomach aching in protest. You should stick a bacta patch on before it gets any worse. “I mean, every time you were at the parlor, it was reading safe and then every time you were gone, it would go back up and I didn’t even put two and two together.” You shake your head, turning to the med kit sitting on the table again. Wrecker’s hand drops from your side, leaving a warm spot in its place. “We both were meant to find our ways here, I guess.”

You fight a yawn as you spread a bacta patch across the bruise on your stomach. Wrecker watches you, reaching out as you sway on your feet for a moment. You’re exhausted. It’s finally beginning to hit you, your mind snapping out of the daze. You’ve been up almost a full rotation. You worked a long shift, and then got attacked on your way home, and you’ve found your soulmate.

“Are you okay?” Wrecker asks softly, worry thick in his voice.

You nod. “Yeah. Just really tired all of a sudden.” You rub your burning eyes. “Been a long day.”

“You should sleep, then.” Wrecker says, reaching out for you.

“But...” But you’re right here. You’re finally here. You want to argue. You want to stay awake, you want to talk with him, you want to learn everything you can, hear every story he has to tell. You want to just sit in silence with him and enjoy his presence. You know he’s right, though. You need sleep. “Will you stay? Just for a little while?”

He nods, a soft smile tugging at his lips. “If that’s what you want.”

You nod. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

***

It’s light outside when you wake.

You can see the light shining in through your curtains. It’s the afternoon, you guess, not bothering to roll over and look at your chronometer. You lay there in silence for a few moments. Your stomach doesn’t hurt anymore. You reach under your shirt, peeling the bacta patch off, tossing it haphazardly on the floor.

Your mind replays through the events of the previous day. You can hardly believe it, that your soulmate had been so close for so long and you hadn’t even noticed. You had been right in your deduction that your soulmate is a clone. You would have never pictured Wrecker in all your daydreaming, but you hadn’t known clones like them even existed back then. You won’t complain, though his size does bring a few concerns to the front of your mind.

You finally roll over, glancing across your small bed. You’ll need a bigger one, for starters. Maybe a bigger apartment too.

A noise from the living room draws your attention. Your door is half open, not how you would usually sleep. Your whole body freezes in worry. Is someone inside your apartment? Have your worst fears finally happened? Did someone break in?

You climb out of your bed slowly, opening the door the rest of the way. You can’t see anyone moving around. Your apartment is small enough, there’s really no place to hide. You creep out of your room, dressed in nothing but a baggy shirt and your underwear. Not exactly good fighting clothes.

You peek around the corner finding...Wrecker. He’s scrunched up on your small couch in what’s probably a very uncomfortable position. You hadn’t expected him to stay the entire time you were sleeping. Just until you fell asleep.

“Wrecker?” You ask quietly, not wanting to startle him. You can guess a trained soldier’s reaction to being startled awake is to aim and fire. You don’t want to explain to your landlord why there’s blaster holes in your wall. You also don’t want blaster holes in you either.

You repeat his name slightly louder, succeeding in waking him. He sits up straight on your couch, looking around confused for a moment. He relaxes a bit when he notices you, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“I didn’t expect you to still be here.” You say.

“Oh, well,” He rubs the back of his head sheepishly. “Hunter said we’re staying here for a couple days so I...didn’t want you to wake up alone.”

You make a mental note to thank Hunter and his big, soft heart later. “That’s really sweet.” You say. “I-I’m glad you’re here.” You are. You had expected to be alone today on your rare day off, but you’re glad for this unexpected surprise. “Are you hungry?”

“Oh yeah.” He says, nodding enthusiastically. “I could eat a whole Bantha.”

You giggle. “Well, let me get changed and we’ll go out and get something to eat.”

You take him out to a buffet, thankfully having missed the lunch rush. You feel bad for the cooks though, as you both load plate after plate full of food. You keep pace with him, grabbing a plate every time he gets up.

He stares at you in shock as you return with a plate full of dessert, digging in. “I’ve never seen someone eat as much as me!”

You shrug, your cheeks warming just a bit. “I like to eat.”

He continues to stare at you, watching you put down dessert after dessert. “I think I love you already.”

Your whole face is hot as his words sink in. You tell yourself he’s only joking, but the look in his eyes says otherwise.

You walk around the market for a bit after nearly cleaning the buffet out completely. You talk, telling him about you. Where you grew up, what brought you to Ord Mantell after the war, what your childhood was like. You know he never got the chance to have one himself. As soon as the clones could walk, they were thrust into training. There was so much of life he’d missed out on since he’d only been made for one purpose.

You swear then and there to give him as much of a normal life as you can.

You understand now, the posts you read from those who had met their clone soulmates. The guilt and the sadness that had plagued them at the thought that their other half had been deprived of normalcy, deprived of experience because they’d only been made for one purpose. Their entire lives had been dedicated to training for war, training to defend a Republic they didn’t even know.

As angry as it makes you, you can’t change it. You can only promise to make things better from here.

You end up on your couch, watching some holofilm. You’re both full and sleepy, content to sit together quietly for the moment. His armor is stacked in a corner, leaving him just in his blacks. He’s still broad and big even without it. Your head has fallen to his shoulder, resting there comfortably. He’s so warm, his body radiating heat. You could fall asleep like this, but part of you doesn’t want to.

His arm snakes around you, pulling you closer against his side. You can feel it, the tension beginning to build. The link tugging, asking you to do something. Anything.

You tilt your head, looking up at him. He’s staring down at you, his gloved fingers trailing along your bare arm. You’re so close. So close to him, so close to his touch.

He leans just slightly closer, your lips parting slightly in anticipation. “I’d really like to kiss you.” He says quietly.

You nod, reaching up and placing your hand on his cheek. Your fingers trail along the raised scars. He’d told you how it happened. Too close to an explosion one time. He’d been lucky. You’d been lucky too.

His lips press against yours, soft and unsure. You’ve only kissed one person once, on a dare in school, and it had felt wrong. Some could ignore it. Some didn’t care. Some didn’t have a choice. You didn’t regret it, but you had felt the shift inside you, telling you they were not your soulmate. It would never feel like it would with your soulmate.

That intuition had been right.

It’s cliche to say, but fireworks go off when your lips touch. At least that’s the best way to describe it. Your body feels full of energy despite the content sleepiness you had just been experiencing moments ago.

His own hand lifts, cupping your face. His hand is so big, fingers reaching back into your hair and your neck. How good those fingers are going to feel inside you.

The thought sends a wave of heat between your legs. You know it’s natural. Most soulmates don’t last a day after initiating the link. It’s some sort of primal need to be as close to your soulmate as possible. Some speculate the true bond isn’t formed until you’re locked together completely and totally as you’re meant to be. One soul split between two bodies. The drive to be as close as possible is uncontrollable.

“I don’t...want ta force you...into anything.” He says, pulling away from your lips just slightly.

You trail your fingers over his cheek, smoothing them across his lips. “I don’t think I could stop. As long as that’s what you want.”

He shifts, lifting you onto his lap. “I’ve been wanting you since you put down that plate of cakes.”

You settle in his lap, legs spread wide over his thick thighs. “Oh, kriff,” You breathe, feeling the bulge pushing out from his blacks.

Every part of him is big.

The thought sends another wave of heat between your legs.

“I think,” You’re interrupted as he kisses you. “We should move to the bed.” You wrap your arms around his neck.

“Good idea.” He murmurs, lifting you up with one arm as he stands.

Kriff, he’s strong.

He carries you the short distance to your room, sitting you gently on the end of your bed. He stares down at you as you shift backwards a bit, giving him space. Yeah, you’re definitely going to need to invest in a bigger bed. You just pray this one holds up.

You strip your shirt over your head. He’s already seen you in your breastband. You’d jumped that step without even thinking last night. Being around him had felt so normal. Like he’s always been here.

He kneels on the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. His touch is light and soft, such a contrast to the hulking man leaning over you. His fingers trail along your skin, tracing a path over where the bruise had been last night. It tickles your ribs and your sides, his fingers skirting just under your belly button, but not going low enough for your liking.

“Wrecker, let me feel you.” You say, dropping back to your elbows.

He sits up slightly, tugging his gloves off before tossing them and his shirt to the floor. He’s all big, defined muscles and tan skin. There’s scars, big and small, littering his chest and arms. You want to map each and every one, but you’ll do that later. Right now you want him. Right now you need to feel him.

His hands find your skin again, the calloused digits trailing higher this time, skirting around the edge of your breastband. You stare up into his eyes, arching slightly so he can reach behind you and pull it off. You feel exposed, but not in a bad way as his eyes take you in. His hands immediately reach for your breasts, cupping them in those large palms.

“Perfect.” He breathes, staring down at you intensely.

You trail your hands up his arms, letting them slide over his shoulders. “Not as perfect as you.”

He lets you pull him down, your lips meeting once more. It feels more aggressive this time, something having shifted as tongues and teeth clash. You know he’s feeling it too, the drive between you to get closer.

His lips trail down your throat, teeth scraping against your skin as he works his way down your body. His fingers curl under your waistband, tugging your pants and underwear off. You let your knees fall open, exposing yourself completely to him. He kneels on the floor, leaning over the side of the bed as he stares at your slick folds.

Bless him, he’s probably never been this close to a woman before.

You take his hand, showing him what to do, how to touch you, where to touch you. You’re already plenty wet in anticipation, aiding his fingers as he presses them into you. It’s a tight fit already. You have some work to do.

His mouth replaces his fingers on your clit, tongue circling just as his fingers had. You’re a moaning mess, dripping all over his fingers as he works three of them into you. You need the stretch if you’re going to take him. You haven’t seen him yet, but you have felt it. You’ve never had anything that big inside you. You’ve never had anything but your own fingers inside you.

He’s ruined you completely, and he’s only had his fingers in your pussy.

Not that you’re about to complain.

Your first orgasm washes over you unexpectedly. It hits you suddenly, his fingers pressing against everything inside of you as his tongue flicks across your clit. You squeeze his fingers, head falling back with a cry of his name. You’re trembling, hips jerking against his face. He keeps going, overstimulation beginning to burn through you a bit.

“Okay, okay.” You tap the top of his head and he stops, looking up at you. “Gimme a minute.”

You flop back against the bed, breathing out a curse as he pulls his fingers from you. His hands smooth over your thighs, fingers leaving a trail of wetness against your skin.

“What was that?” He asks sweetly, innocently.

“You made me cum on your first attempt at eating pussy.” You say, leaning up on your elbows again. “You should be proud.”

“Can we do that again?” He grins.

You nod. “Yeah, but you’re gonna cum too this time.” You motion at him. “Pants off.”

He stands, sliding his blacks down his legs. You gulp, taking in the sheer girth of him. He’s not so much long, as he is thick. You’re not sure how exactly that’s going to fit inside you, but you’re determined.

You slide off the bed, steadying yourself on your still trembling legs. “On the bed.” You direct him.

He lays on his back, his hard cock laying against his stomach. You crawl over him, wrapping a hand around his length. It’s so big your fingers almost don’t touch, hot and heavy in your hand. Kriff, you can do this. You run your hand along him a couple times, watching his head fall back, his chest rising and falling.

You debate making him cum just like this. You’d love to watch him but you want him inside you when it happens.

You shift yourself over him, lifting up on your knees as you line him up. His hands slide up your thighs, holding you steady as you press him into you. He’s so thick, burning as you stretch around him. You go slow, easing him into you.

You fit him in all the way. It’s a stretch, a little painful. You can feel him, every inch of him inside you. You look down, your stomach bulging a bit.

Kriff.

You brace your hands on his stomach, his hands still holding your hips. His eyes are hooded, staring up at you. You feel alive, every nerve ending on fire as you finally connect fully with each other.

“Kriff, Wrecker.” You breathe, beginning to rock your hips. “So big.”

“You can take it.” He groans, using his hands to help you move. “Look at you. So beautiful, mesh’la.”

The word sends shivers down your spine. It hadn’t taken long for the web group to discover the clones’ use of Mando’a words. Brave souls had gotten translations, providing the group with common words and their meanings. Hearing the word from Wrecker’s mouth, though, is something else entirely.

Better than you could have ever imagined.

You bounce on top of Wrecker, working his thick length in and out of you. He hits every spot inside of you, your legs already shaking in pleasure. You know he’s close, his grip around your hips tight as he grunts and moans.

“Fuck, Wrecker,” You moan, slipping a hand down to rub your clit. “I want you to cum inside me. Fill me up,” You babble, getting close to the edge already with how the head of his cock pushes against that spot inside you with every thrust. “Fill me up till I’m overflowing!”

Your words cut off in a cry as he thrusts his hips up, meeting your own thrusts. You cum with an incoherent stream of expletives and his name, soaking his stomach. He cries out, shoving his hips against yours as he twitches inside you, pressure building as his cum fills you even more.

You collapse against his chest, slick and sticky from sweat and fluids. He’s still partially inside you, some of his cum being forced out by the spasms still trembling through your body. You can hear the steady beating of his heart against your ear, his hands sliding against your back as he wraps his arms around you.

“Kriff.” You breathe, pressing a kiss to his chest.

“I could get used to that.” He says, tightening his grip around you.

You smile, patting his chest. “Gimme a few minutes. Maybe a nap too.”

You go to slide off his chest to lay against his side but he stops you, holding his arms tight around you to keep you still. “No,” He says. “Stay right here.”

“But what if I crush you?” You ask, attempting to lift your head to see his face.

He laughs, loud and happily. “You’ll have to try a lot harder than this.”

He presses a kiss to your forehead as you relax back against him. Maybe you won’t need a bigger bed after all.