#but i’ve been watching them since buzzfeed and this shit just hurt

[atlabeth]

ALL MEN ARE THE SAME

[ahfrickenfrick]

buzzfeed unsolved: The disappearance of Jason Todd

Ryan

Shane

—

This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we will be discussing the disappearance of Jason Todd-Wayne, which has had updates as recently as last week.

Wait last week? Ryan, if we disappear because of this episode imagine how cool it would be. Maybe we hang with our good pal Jason.

I don’t have time for you being stupid. I have to get this right, because let me be honest. I have a man crush on Bruce Wayne, and if he ends up watching this and you’re being stupid I’ll never forgive you.

Okay, sure. Cause Bruce Wayne is searching the internet for every little thing posted about his dead son.

(wheeze)

We don’t know if he’s dead! And that’s what I’m here to talk about today.

-

Jason Peter Todd was born August 16th, 2000 in Gotham City, New Jersey, to his mother Dr. Sheila Haywood and his father Willis Todd. However only a few months later did Willis Todd marry Catherine Johnson, forcing Dr. Haywood to have to relinquish custody.

If I ever have a kid-

-they would all have your big head and I’d feel sorry for them.

Ryan. I listen to you ramble about murderers and ghosts. Let me tell my spiel.

(wheeze)

Right, sorry.

If I ever have a kid with someone, I think I’d be really upset if they just kinda made me give my kid to a stranger.

Here’s the thing to that! No one has heard or seen from Dr. Sheila Haywood since, like after her son was born. The only thing that might link back to her is an illegal botched surgery, but most of it was sealed off, and I don’t feel like having the Gotham City Police Department call me up

(ring ring)

Hi yes, are you that idiot from that show? You will be arrested immediately! Batman and his group of… misfits?? I don’t know, but they are on their way!

Moving on from your weird role play, like all the families that live in Park Row, what is deemed “Crime Alley”, the Todd family did not have money.

You could not pay me to go to a place called Crime Alley.

We were actually going to Gotham, scope around, maybe get a selfie with Robin-

-Which one?

I need to do an episode trying to figure out how many Robin’s there actually are… I think there have been five?? Six?? I don’t know… stop distracting me with Batman! We ended up scraping the visitation part because apparently this time of year Arkham breakouts are common, and I don’t want to get fear gassed.

-

Jason did decent at school, until he stopped showing up, school records are really spotty after third grade. Apparently he was reading and understanding college level stuff, but that’s really all we got on it.

Not a lot on this guys younger life it looks like.

No there isn’t, not any social media posts, or news articles, or anything if that sort about Jason until a few years later in 2012, when Jason became the ward to the one and only, Bruce Wayne.

Ah, Bruce Wayne, you love him, I love him, uhm- I actually don’t know much about Bruce Wayne other than the fact he’s one of the few rich people who give away a shit ton of money.

Bruce Wayne is a billionaire CEO, with a heart of gold, and some say he sleeps around, but as long as he’s not hurting anyone. Also! He’s a dad! Bruce Wayne is a trusted person within the Foster Care over in Gotham. He takes in the extreme cases that would probably leave the kid with a bunch of trauma.

Well, with what I’ve heard about Gotham, he must have like a billion kids with just a bunch of trauma

Let’s see what I remember from research, cause I did not write anything down for this. His first ward was Richard Grayson, who goes by Dick, was taken in after he watched his whole family fall and die on the trapeze.

As I said before, Jason was brought into Mr. Wayne’s custody after the death of both his father and his step mother. His father’s death was unknown, and his step mother died from a drug overdose… in front of Jason.

Uhm- Tim Drake? His was more interesting to watch unfold because there’s a whole other multimillion almost billion dollar company that Tim’s parents owned, and there was a lot covered up by lawyers and stuff, but Tim ended up with the Waynes

Then there’s the only female in the place, Cassandra Wayne, she is selectively mute, and overly protected by her adoptive family, nothing was shared with the media about where she came from.

Damian Wayne is the only blood son to Bruce Wayne, he didn’t even know about the kid until… like last year? Two years ago? Again, not a lot that I remember.

And then there’s been rumors of him taking in another kid, but nothing for sure yet.

Jesus, Ryan take a breath, and go back to Jason, because now I’m hoping I believe your theories about him being alive cause what this family didn’t need is another death.

Look, Shane. I’m going to be straight with you here. There are three possible theories I think could be plausible. So let’s jump right into them.

-

Theory one, is that Jason Todd is alive and in hiding from The Joker. This is the second most popular idea, and one I hope is true. There really isn’t anything else to this theory, besides a picture of someone that looks a little like Jason in the middle of Asia.

Doppelgänger, probably. Lemme see. I don’t know… this kinda looks like someone edited it.

Yeah, like it looks really distorted. I don’t know if I think it’s real, but it’s what people online were talking about.

Crazy, that people online would doctor fake photos of a kid who had died.

Exactly, which is why people think he’s alive, cause who would do that?

—

Theory two is that Jason Todd died as his family said he did, looking for his birth mother. Apparently he was in the Middle East, found his mother, but then both were found dead in an explosion caused by the Joker.

So the Joker, who is Gotham’s Prince of Crime, was somehow in the Middle East? I don’t buy it

I didn’t either, until I looked just a little deeper, and found that the next week Superman and Batman stopped the Joker from murdering the United Nations. So he was in the area.

Oh my god. If.. I know on this show I try to goof off, but it’s hard when it’s a kid. How old was Jason?

Only 15. He just got back into the swing of things at school, getting all A’s, he was in the Drama program and the Poetry club. If you scroll down a on Dick Grayson’s Instagram you can find a selfie of Dick and Jason, Jason being in his school uniform only a week before he died. The two seemed to be really close, with how much Grayson posted of the two of them, and then it was radio silence from the man until a year after Jason’s death, where he made a memorial post, along with Bruce Wayne, who made the Jason Peter Todd Memorial Foundation, which helps families in Crime Alley.

Look, not okay with the kid dying, but it makes me kinda smile to see that his family got together to do something like this in his name.

I don’t think you understand the length of what this fund does. It provides special housing for single mothers, has opened up two clinics that help with drug abuse and addiction, and keeps kids in warm clothes and in school.

That’s- wow. Okay, you are making this “he’s dead” thing seem like it’s the only thing that happened.

Well, theory 3, is that he died-

Wait what?

He died, and came back to life.

This, I think, is worse than you saying ghosts are real.

We live in a world where someone can run at the speed of light! Yet you draw the line at ghosts and maybe hopefully someone who isn’t dead.

Yeah, but that’s science. Okay whatever where’s the proof of him being alive.

Okay, looking at the timeline. Jason Todd died at 15, in 2015. And the Wayne’s kinda were quiet for a year and a half, besides the foundation they set up, even with Tim, nothing really new was happening.

And then things seemed to go back to normal, they all frequented gala’s again, and all the other social stuff they did-

Yeah, nice choice of wording there

Shut up, anyways, in 2018 a picture appears, not even the front page, of Dick Grayson walking and laughing with someone who looks a lot like if Jason Todd grew up for a few years, and then decided to dye his hair.

Listen, Ryan. People have doppelgängers. We just saw the other picture and it’s clearly fake- Jesus Christ that looks exactly like Jason.

Exactly! And I started looking around more, finding pictures of the Wayne family around Gotham from news sites, and every once in a while, that guy pops up. Never in the picture, but always somewhere in the background like he wasn’t wanting to be seen. Like i mentioned in the beginning, there was a picture from a week ago that looks exactly like him.

Wait, is this a theory from the internet or something you came up with?

Both, kind of? I saw someone make a bad joke about it, and then it kinda stuck in my head as I looked for more information. Apparently there is a mythical pit that could bring someone from the dead.

Okay, yeah. Mythical revival pit. As if any living person wouldn’t be all over that.

Look man, that’s just the information I found. But I really really hope that Jason is alive somewhere safe, or resting peacefully.

The most believable for me is that he did pass away. But I’d love to be wrong.

That being said, I got really sad looking through all of Jason’s life, I felt like I was being more invasive than usual. So I talked with the crew and Buzzfeed, and we are donating all revenue from this video to the Jason Memorial fund in Gotham.

But the mystery of Jason Todd, still remains….

Unsolved

[andthereisthatspark]

Processing the whole Ned thing

As someone’s who watched the Try Guys since their early days at Buzzfeed, to say that I’m sad and disappointed about this turn of events with Ned is truly an understatement.

When you watch these videos for so long, you feel like you know the Try Guys. Like you grew up with them.

I know it’s silly, but I’ve grown attached to them. When I’ve had a bad day or struggled with something in my own life, the Try Guys have always been there to make me laugh. It’s like having that one funny friend you can go to when the world lets you down.

So when I heard about Ned, my heart dropped into my stomach. The shock set in. And then I felt it. The stages of grief and hurt.

How could this happen?? Why do I feel this way? Like I’ve been personally let down or hurt by someone I care about? Someone I trusted.

The thing is, I didn’t know how much I relied on these videos and even particularly Ned until now.

It sounds ridiculous because they’re all human beings that make mistakes, but I had them all, Ned included, on a pedestal.

See, I grew up around one of those dads that didn’t give a shit about his wife and kids. A narcissist who saw our only worth as making him look good for achieving the American Dream. Who religiously talked shit about his whole family but then smiled in people’s faces and shook their hands at church.

So when you grow up around that, around a man who would see women on the news on tv and say “they probably brought it on themself,” a guy like Ned, who seemed to truly appreciate and adore his spouse and children, was a breath of fresh air.

It was a reminder of what I could one day have. A possibility of things to come.

A reminder that some guys out there actually DO value their family. That they ARE grateful for the lives they have. That they DON’T see their loved ones as failures or disappointments or something to be ashamed over.

So when I watched Ned go on about his wife and kids, he became an inherent favorite for me. A hope for the future.

(Don’t get me wrong- I love Eugene, Keith, and Zach too and obviously still do; I’m just explaining my connection here.)

So when I found out about what happened- it wasn’t just shock I felt- it was a feeling of loss.

I mean, the guys lost their business partner and best friend, and I can’t even begin to compare my feelings to theirs, but somehow, here I am playing breakup songs in the car.

See, Ned cheating on his wife shattered that image in my head for future. Just completely destroyed it.

And as someone with a history of being cheated on and date rape, I didn’t realize how badly I needed that dream, that someday someone would love and accept me for me, warts and all, and be proud of me, until it was shattered.

So all that’s to say this:

1. I wanna thank the Try Guys for their honesty, sincerity, and being candid in dealing with this whole thing. It reminds me of why I’ve been such a big fan for so long.

2. Ned- I don’t know what drove you to do what you did, but I hope you see the outright destruction you caused.

You didn’t just hurt the ones around you that were supposed to mean the most to you- your friends, your family, your coworkers, your own business, your reputation- but you reminded those who were fans of yours just why it’s so hard to trust anyone.

Because a guy can say the right words and play the part and still choose to throw it away.

3. I’ve still got a lot of healing to do, and Ned’s behavior just helped reveal how far I still have to go. 🙃

But, ya know, there is no time table for trauma and healing isn’t linear.

I’ve been in therapy for almost two years and haven’t dated in three since my assaults- unfortunately it all just takes time and none of us have the answers.

My final statement is this- though I doubt the Try Guys will ever see this, I do hope they’ll take the time and healing that they need to grieve- whatever that may look like and whatever form that’s needed in.

Not that they need my advice, but as someone who’s been through a lot of pain and used overcompensating at work to try and deal with it, I’ve found nothing replaces time and healing.

[staticscreenwriting]

LOVE LIKE THE MOVIES // BUCKY BARNES // 3

THREE - Little Shop Of Horrors

Masterlist

Summary: This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Bucky Barnes, finds himself thrown into a world that seems so different from everything he’s ever known. The girl, (Y/N) knows entirely too much about rom-coms and is quite particular about the way she eats her popcorn. Bucky meets (Y/N) a few months after returning to NYC. He knows almost immediately that becoming her friend is inevitable. This is a story of boy meets girl. This is a story about love. (Bucky Barnes x female!Reader // a few spoilers for TFATWS)

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

Bucky vividly remembers being about 10 years old and sitting on the living room floor watching his father assemble a heavy cabinet made from dark, massive wood. It had intricate gold ornaments along the sides and around the edges and even at that young age, he knew that it must’ve been expensive.

He likes thinking back to that memory, mostly because it’s one of the few that he can still tightly hold onto and recount the exact way he’s felt then, and partly because it’s so seemingly insignificant. It’s nice to know that some of the memories he regained after having his mind wiped clean, are tiny unimportant ones. It’s not just the big moments and grand gestures that make life worth living. Sometimes it’s the little things, the small details you look back on and fondly remember with a smile on your face.

Looking at the furniture before him, Bucky can’t imagine what his mother would think of these cabinets. Everything is white or beige or grey and there’s a lot of shiny black fronts and glass doors. The place is huge, so huge they have to tape arrows on the floor so people don’t get lost, and it smells of artificial vanilla and sawdust.

It’s not like he hates the furniture here, it’s just a lot and quite honestly, he’s not sure what really matches his personal style. Hell, he hasn’t had a personal style since before he went to fight in the war.

“ Ooooh, this one is very you! “ (Y/N) exclaims as she lets herself fall onto a fluffy brown 2-seat sofa.

If it wasn’t for her, Bucky wouldn’t be here. Not only because he wants her to come around more often and actually be able to sit on a couch, but also because she was literally the one driving them both here.

“Watcha doin? “

That was the text that started it, and before he knew she had pulled up to his apartment building, arm hanging from her open car window, and yelled “Get in loser, we’re going furniture shopping! “

Bucky assumes that is another movie reference though he doesn’t dare ask her about it.

“Nope, that’s a two-seater. Too small. I want to be able to sleep on it. “

“ Or, and hear me out on this one, you could get a new bed to sleep in. “

He doesn’t have any reply to that. It’s not like he doesn’t want to sleep in his bed, it’s just — it’s too soft. It’s too comfortable. It makes it easy to fall asleep and dream. And it’s never pleasant dreams. It’s nightmares. It’s faces that haunt him. Innocent faces. Eyes filled with terror. Fear. Fear of him. It’s nightmares. It’s memories.

When he doesn’t answer, (Y/N) pulls herself back up from the sofa and wanders on “or we’ll just have to find a bigger couch, that’s fine too. “

And at that moment he’s entirely grateful that she doesn’t push him any further.

They wander around the store for a while longer, slalom in between sofas and recliners, swerve in and out of mock-up rooms, all the while (Y/N) keeps throwing puns at him incorporating the Swedish names of the furniture.

Hanging out with her kind of reminds him of the times he hung out with Steve when both of them were so much younger. Of course, it’s nothing alike. He’s not even close to the person he was then, the boy he was then. The thing is, back then everything was easy and light. Being here with her and listening to her horrible puns, that’s easy too. For right now, he doesn’t even notice the weight that’s constantly resting on his heart or the perpetual shadow that seems to rest above him. This is easy and it feels so nice.

They step into yet another room, this one painted a dark forest green. Against the wall, there’s a dark wooden cabinet holding books and a fake tv and in the middle is a corner sofa made from dark brown leather. It’s big enough to fit both him and (Y/N) and maybe even Lady if she’s okay with cuddling up a little to either of them.

“ I like that one,” Bucky says and lets himself plop down on the couch. It’s comfortable but not too soft. It’s just right. Is this what Goldilocks felt like?

(Y/N) sits down next to him, rests her feet on top of the couch table and for a second it’s just them and the black screen of the fake tv and the intercom system calling out for little Kyle to be picked up at the Småland play area.

“ Honey, “ (Y/N) speaks up after a moment, “ I think the tv is broken? “ her voice ringing through the mock-up in a thick Transatlantic accent, making her sound like the women in the movies he grew up with.

“ Huh. Ain’t that something ?”

“ Well didn’t you fix it like I told you? “

“ Guess I must’ve forgotten,” Bucky plays along, trying to suppress the smirk pulling the corner of his lips upwards.

“ Ugh, remind me again why I married you? “

Bucky shrugs his shoulders casually “ my good looks? “

“ Oh, don’t flatter yourself. It’s very unbecoming. Good thing is — “ she announces as jumps up, pulling Bucky up with her and right over into the next mock-up living room. “ We have another tv.”

As Kyle’s parents are called out again, (Y/N) and Bucky tumble from one room into the next. From kitchen to bathroom to fake little balcony. All setting the stage for another chapter from their made-up marriage. Scenes from a movie never made, a book never written. A beautiful kaleidoscope of could-be and never-was. A nice fantasy to get lost in.

If this was a rom-com, (Y/N) thinks, this would be the falling in love montage. Some killer indie track would play in the background and it would be featured in at least one Buzzfeed article about romantic gestures.

But it’s not a movie, it’s real life and she isn’t the romantic lead and Bucky is — well he would make a great leading man now that she thinks about it.

They make their way back to the green living room with the brown couch and the ‘broken’ tv and fall back against the leather, laughter shaking their bodies, tears of joy stinging at the corners of their eyes. As she catches her breath, (Y/N) taps Bucky softly on the right shoulder and drops her voice to a whisper.

“Honey,” she says “I don’t know how to tell you this but uh — there’s a family on our balcony.”

Bucky’s eyes follow her outstretched hand and sure enough on the adjacent fake balcony is a family of 4 staring back at them. And just like that, they fall back into a beautiful harmony of laughter.

“So explain to me again what this movie is about?” Bucky asks as (Y/N) takes another sip from her coke can.

“Dude buys a plant, it starts eating people.”

“And this is gonna show me what women want these days?”

A joyful chuckle falls from (Y/N)’s lips. “I mean … there is a love story and a moral about how far you’re willing to go for the people you love even if it might be morally questionable, but maybe — maybe we should consider this one the Halloween special.”

Bucky shrugs his shoulder as if to say “okay fine with me” and leans back against the car seat. The massive screen of the drive-in is currently playing some kind of ice cream commercial that has (Y/N) softly humming along to the jingle.

This trip wasn’t planned, in fact, they’d been on their way back home when a billboard at the side of the road caught (Y/N)’s attention and put a huge grin on her face, so wide it could’ve split her face in two.

That’s how he ended up parked neatly in a row of cars, Coca-Cola in hand, popcorn resting in between him and (Y/N) waiting for the commercials to end and the movie to begin.

“You’re gonna love this one,” she’s told him beforehand. He’s a little skeptical about it but he’s not gonna tell her. Bucky is just so appreciative of the fact that she bothers trying to introduce him to these things. They might not end up being for him but it’s a good feeling to have someone care this much. Someone who hasn’t been with him through all the shit. Someone who doesn’t feel responsible because they pity him. Someone who doesn’t owe it to Steve to look after Bucky…

“So … I still have some homework to do.” He chimes in thinking back to their conversation on his living room floor.

“Homework that involves me?”

“Mmh. Doc thinks I should learn some more things about you. Apparently, it’s not enough to know that you’re crazy about movies and talk a lot.”

“I do talk a lot.” (Y/N) agrees and pops a piece of popcorn into her mouth. “I don’t know what to tell you. What you want to know?”

“Anything.”

Since coming back from oblivion, Bucky hasn’t really made an effort to get to know anyone. Growing closer to people only means there’s more for you to lose. More people you can potentially hurt. He doesn’t usually learn new things about people because he doesn’t ask. Because he doesn’t want to know. It’s a lonely life but it’s safe. It’s comfortable.

But this is different. He’s in too deep now to stop. And yeah, maybe this is his homework. Maybe he asks because his therapist told him too but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. He wants to know about (Y/N). Even the little things. The insignificant details.

“Well as I said before, I’ve studied literature and creative writing. I want to be an author. That’s uh — that’s all I’ve ever wanted to be. The thing is it’s very hard to actually get people to give your writing a chance. Especially now. The world is in such a weird limbo after everyone came back. There’s no room for my art right now. So I work as a waitress to make ends meet. “

“What would you write about?” Bucky asks and in her eyes, in the surprise that’s so clearly written on her face, he can see that people don’t ask her that all too often.

“I don’t know, life? “

“Love stories?”

She lets out a mix between a scoff and a snort “what do I know about romance? I can tell you all about the love the movies and the songs and the books want to sell us, and don’t get me wrong, I love that. But I don’t think I’ve ever really experienced true and honest romantic love. So how could I ever write about it ?”

For a moment silence falls upon them. It’s neither comfortable nor awkward. It just is. Sometimes that’s enough.

“Look, I might not know a lot about love either, but I do know that dreams are worth holding on to, no matter how out of reach they seem. If it’s something you believe in and that you’re passionate about, it’s worth fighting for it.”

“Huh, didn’t put you for such a motivational speaker. Where’ve you got that from”

“Didn’t think the skinny boy from Brooklyn was ever gonna save a whole bunch of lives and fight in a war. Steve was the walking proof that you can do anything. “

“You miss him, huh?”

People don’t usually ask about Steve. They either don’t care how Bucky feels about the whole situation or they know it’s a tough topic and avoid it altogether. The worst part is he doesn’t even know how to respond. Yes of course he misses Steve, more than anything really, but there’s also a little bit of resentment swinging along. With Steve here by his side, it always felt like there was someone there who understood exactly what Bucky was going through. Someone who also had to figure out how to navigate this new life. But now with Steve gone, he feels so utterly alone.

“Every day.”

“Look I’m not going to ask what happened because quite honestly I’m still trying to grasp the fact that there are aliens and superheroes and wizards — “

“Wizards are not a thing.”

“You sure?”

Bucky lets out a slightly annoyed sigh “Yup. 100%”

“What’s the Strange guy?”

“Sorcerer.”

“That’s not the same?”

“No.”

(Y/N) considers for a moment, eyes screwed up in uncertainty before she shrugs her shoulder “ alright if you say so. Anyway, my point is, I don’t know if you have that many people to talk to and I don’t know if you even want to talk about Steve but if you do … well you can talk to me. I know I talk a lot but I’m also a really good listener. “

There’s no doubt in his mind that she is. He doesn’t know if he’s ready to talk about Steve yet though. Not when his heart is still at war whether or not to be angry. Not when he’s still so uncertain about his own complicated emotions.

“Thanks, I uh — I appreciate it.”

Loud music starts to play and (Y/N)’s head snaps towards the screen just in time for the title card to pop up in big colorful letters as three women shimmy across the street and start singing.

Bucky can’t help but let his gaze travel back towards (Y/N) every once in a while. There’s something about her he can’t quite figure out, but the way her eyes light up as she watches the movie and the smile on her face, it gives him a warm feeling. Like bad things don’t exist for the 90 minutes they sit together and watch a film.

“Sooooo?” (Y/N) asks as she parks the car in front of Bucky’s place. Her eyes still hold a sparkle that’s both mischievous and excited.

“I actually liked this one a little.”

“A little?”

“Look it’s not gonna be my favorite movie but I had fun. But uh — maybe that’s just because I’ve watched it with you.”

(Y/N) grants him a beautiful smile. It’s full of warmth and care and honesty. And he’s glad he told her, even if it makes him vulnerable.

“You telling me I’m a good friend?”

“Guess so.”

“Well, you’re a good friend too, Bucky.”

He hopes she’s right though he has a hard time believing it. He’s never seen himself as the greatest friend. Everything he did for Steve he did because he knew Steve would do the same. It came so naturally from both of them that it never felt like he was doing anything special or exceptional. It was as easy as breathing.

“Do you wanna come up? We could order some food.”

“Oh, I can’t. Gotta pick up Lady from Robin’s place. But as soon as your couch is delivered count me in as the first sleepover guest. “

“Will do. Hey, you think I should name the plant we bought (Y/N) 2?”

“Depends, you wanna feed the neighborhood Dentist to it”

“Maybe.”

They fall into another fit of laughter and even though it’s not that funny, and even though it’s really dumb and silly actually, Bucky enjoys it so much. He can’t remember a day when he laughed this much, felt this light.

“Oh, by the way, I’m throwing a pre-Halloween-party next weekend. If you’re free you should totally drop by.”

“I um — A friend is coming around that weekend.”

“Then bring your friend! The more the merrier, right ?”

Sam is gonna be down, there’s no doubt in Bucky’s mind about it. Sam isn't the problem, he never is. It’s Bucky. Going to a party is terrifying for someone who’s never known anything but the 1940s. This can only end up in disasters.

And yet …

“Okay, I’ll let him know.”

“Cool. Awesome. Just uh — Just text me when you know. Also, there’s no special theme so you can dress up as whatever.”

“I’m not dressing up.”

(Y/N) blows a raspberry against her arm “lame! But whatever, you do you.”

He guesses that means as much as “suit yourself”.

They bid each other goodbye with a hug and a promise from (Y/N) to Bucky to text him once she’s home just so he knows she’s safe.

To her, that’s a gesture so sweet and endearing it sends a jolt through her heart. To him, it’s as natural as breathing. You do what you can to keep those safe that you care about, even if it’s just a simple little text.

“You dressed up!”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Man, You’re wearing a costume. I’m looking at you right now. I can see it. You dressed up.”

“These are just my clothes.”

“These are just your clothes? Your normal clothes?”

“Yes.”

“You’re wearing Converse now?”

“ mmh.”

“Your Jeans are cuffed, man. I’ve never seen you cuff your jeans.”

“It’s something I do now.”

Bucky isn’t a very religious person. He doesn’t pray very often. At that moment though, he prays to god and every higher spirit one might choose to believe in, to open up the earth and let it swallow him whole.

“Look,” Sam says and gives Bucks a friendly pat on the back “you don’t gotta be embarrassed by it. I dressed up!”

“Yeah, what even are you, by the way? An exterminator?”

“I — what? No! I’m a ghostbuster.”

“Okay. Whatever that is.”

“Whatev— Bucky, Man you really gotta go with the times a little. I know you’re practically ancient but the Ghostbusters? Catch up!”

“Whatever. I'm not dressing up. Can we go?” Bucky sighs in exasperation, making Sam’s grin grow even bigger. Bucky knows that he’s just playing into his game, that Sam loves riling him up. That doesn’t mean it’s any easier to not let it get to him.

“Alright alright. Hold your horses. I’m ready. Let’s go … Danny Zuko.”

Bucky wants to punch him then but Sam is out the door faster than Bucky can even react, his loud laughter sounding through the hallway.

There are people everywhere. Sitting on the kitchen counter, lounging on the couches, leaning against the wall by the open windows. Everywhere. The apartment is small and with so many people inside, it looks absolutely packed. Like sardines in a tin.

Music echos through the place, a song Bucky faintly recognizes from the radio but can’t name. Sam seems to enjoy it though, his body already swaying along to the tune.

“Hey Buck, where’s your girl?” He asks as both of them let their eyes travel across the room and over the crowd.

“She’s not my girl and I don’t —“

In the middle of the room is a fish tank. It separates the living room area from the dining room and kitchen. Blue and green hues radiate from it as colorful fish circle around and swerve in and out of the plants.

But Bucky hardly noticedsthe fish, as his eyes fall onto the girl at the other side of the tank. The water sends a blue shimmer across her skin but her smile doesn’t lose any of the warmth it always holds. She looks beautiful. She always does but there’s something about her tonight that’s different from all the times he’s seen her before. Something ethereal.

At that moment, Bucky feels a fluttery feeling in his heart, in his bones, in his blood. He knows this feeling, has felt it before, a long time ago. Maybe, he thinks, maybe there could be more than friendship there.

And that thought absolutely terrifies him. Because falling for someone makes you foolish and dumb and vulnerable. And that’s awfully scary.

Taglist // if you want to be added or taken off just message me :) //: 

@zaynzierulez // @je-like-you // @dracoxxyoflam​ // @jackiehollanderr​ // @majo240820 // @kay-gilles // @booksb4looksstuff​ // @jckie94​ // @charmed-asylum​ // @shawnie--jo​ // @yllwtaxi​ // ​​

[wiener-soldiers]

unsolved - peter parker

summary: “it’s a gen-z thing” or weird shit happens if you’re an avenger

words: 2.4k

warnings: my weird stark!reader post-blip, everything if fine and dandy au (welcome to the latest installment of eliza tries to erase the events of endgame)

a/n: this is a shit post but make it content (i saw the screenshot of the post on insta and immediately thought of this)

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved…”

You and Peter don’t listen to the rest of Ryan’s introduction as you are cuddled on the large sectional in the Avengers’ Tower common room. A bowl of popcorn and bags of candy from the bodega down the street surround the two of you, limbs intertwined underneath one of the plush cashmere Pepper insisted on keeping nearby (because someone always ends up too tired to make it back to their rooms on movie nights). Peter absentmindedly pulled apart gummy worms before eating them while he watched you attempt to throw popcorn up in the air and catching it in your mouth while laying your head in his lap. Admittedly, every time you miss, which was more often than not, he stole the piece himself before popping it in his mouth. Every time he did so, you scrunched your nose in disgust.

“That’s gross,” you tell him flatly.

“What’s gross?”

“You eating gummy worms and popcorn at the same time.”

“…What?”

You throw another piece of popcorn up in the air, this time landing in your mouth, “It’s sweet gummy worms, and buttery crunchy popcorn. Does that not…confuse your Peter-tingle?”

He groans, “Stop finding excuses to say ‘Peter-tingle!’”

“Happy says it!”

“That’s not a valid excuse and you know it,” he says, annoyed but amusement still evident in his eyes. He leans down to press a soft kiss on your forehead.

You smile against his lips before you say, “Do you find it a little weird that I consider Happy my Uncle and he’s dating May while we are dating?”

He pulls away and frowns immediately, “You had to make it weird, didn’t you?”

“You never answered my question.”

Peter stares at your face for a second, letting the thought sit with him. After a few moments, he shudders. “Let’s not think about it too much, it’s slightly too Game of Thrones for my liking,” he says before grabbing the remote to turn the TV volume up, the sound of Shane and Ryan bickering getting louder in return.

The two of you turn your attention back to the Unsolved: Supernatural playlist. With the both of you getting Blipped, you’ve missed five years worth of Unsolved episodes, obviously skipping any about the Blip because it’s still a little fresh for both of you.

“Don’t you think it’s a little weird that this boy ran away the day his mother died? If anything, I’d stay with my family,” Shane says, obviously skeptically of Ryan’s theory of a little boy got abducted by aliens.

“But now you’re assuming that he ran away! Look, his dad says he ran out of the hospital room. Then, he followed him outside after a few minutes, but he was gone!” Ryan exclaims in return.

“What if he just… ran into the forest? Looking for Goatman or whatever they have out in Ohio.”

“Who’s this episode about again?” you say with your mouth full of popcorn.

“Uh,” Peter mutters before checking the video description, “a kid named Peter Quill. Disappeared in 1988, apparently abducted by aliens.”

“Hmm,” you say before swallowing the popcorn, “who knows, maybe it’s true? I mean you’ve been to space, we all know aliens are real. Seems possible.”

“But, is it plausible? I mean what do aliens want with some scrawny kid? If they wanted food, why didn’t they go to a big city?”

“What are you guys watching?” Tony Stark says from behind you, leaning against the back of the couch. He reaches down to grab a handful of popcorn and you scowl.

“Dad!” you say, “Get your own!”

“It’s a big damn bowl, you can share,” he snickers before patting Peter on the shoulder.

“There have literally been alien invasions on this Earth! How can you not say this one doesn’t make sense!” Ryan exclaims, turning towards Shane.

Your Dad lets out a delighted sound. “I love the panicked one,” Tony says, “he seems like a funny guy.”

“So, you’re a Boogara!” you say excitedly while Peter groans.

“Not another one! All you Starks are Boogaras, the world needs more Shaniacs.”

“How can you possibly say that you’ve met aliens.”

As if on cue, another picture of the missing boy shows on the screen. This time, Peter and Tony study his face while you throw pieces of popcorn at your Dad.

Peter furrows his eyebrow and lets out a confused sound. You frown, analyzing his face as the episode continues to play. His lips are pursed, and you look back up at your Dad and find that he is wearing a matching expression.

“What?” you ask, confused.

Your Dad crosses his arms, “He looks…familiar.”

Peter nods in agreement, “Yeah, I swear I’ve seen him somewhere. Normally I’m good with faces, but this…”

Tony stares for a little longer before shrugging and walking away while mumbling, “Must be my subconscious or something.”

You look back at Peter before he says, “No, but I have definitely seen him before…”

All you can give your boyfriend is a supportive smile before saying, “Maybe you saw a screencap on Instagram or something.”

He nods, unconvinced. He ignores it though, continuing the Buzzfeed Unsolved marathon.

Weeks later, you and Peter get in the car with Happy to drive to the Avengers’ Upstate facility. The both of you live in New York fulltime (you in the Avengers Tower with Pepper, your step-sister Morgan, and your Dad and Peter with May) but make weekly trips to the Upstate compound so Peter can train and you can spend time with your Avengers’ Aunts and Uncles. As your Dad often made quick trips from Upstate to New York throughout the week, the smaller Quinjet was already parked on the large lawn when Happy pulled into the facility.

As you and Peter exit the car and step inside, you notice a lot of employees frantically running around while a timer was being projected on a large wall across from you.

An engineer runs by, trying to type something on a tablet while glancing at the timer every few seconds.

“Excuse me?” Peter calls out to the woman, who stops abruptly, pushing the glasses up her nose.

“Oh, hello Mr. Parker and Miss. Stark. Your father is in the control room and was wondering what time you’d get here,” she says quickly.

You smile at her, “Thanks but…what’s going on?”

“You haven’t heard?” she asks, taken aback. She points at the timer being projected, “We received an astronomically broadcasted encrypted message from an alien vessel a few days ago. Based on the timestamp of the message and how long the message took to be picked up by our satellites, we predict the vessel to arrive like…now.”

“Who sent the message?” you ask.

“Thor.”

Peter whips his head around to face you, and you do the same. You stare at each other in shock. It had been years since you had last had contact with Thor. Since coming back from the Blip, you and Thor spoke for a brief second before he left. It had been more than a year since you saw him.

“Are… you sure?” you ask.

She nods, “He used a method specific to our communication systems, one that I doubt imposters would know to use effectively. And the message was encrypted with the language your father made for all encrypted Avengers messages. No one else has the key—”

“Except for Avengers,” Peter finishes.

“And like…Pepper,” you add.

You say thanks to the woman before running hand-in-hand to the control room. As soon as the door opens, you and Peter stumble inside. The large room on the highest floor of the building had floor-to-ceiling windows that made up two walls. Rows of people seated at monitors all monitored the vessel, which was already entering the Earth’s atmosphere. A wall-sized screen covered one of the walls, which showed a map of the vessel’s projected path beside the same timer projected downstairs.

Your Dad stood beside Steve who was standing beside Bruce who exchanged encrypted messages with the ship as it landed. Clint and Bucky stood in front of the window, looking up at the sky. Nat was seated at a computer beside them with Wanda, who were analyzing the specs of the ship. Sam, Vision, and Rhodey were all suited up outside, flying around the perimeter of the compound.

“Dad!” you say as you and Peter and approach.

Steve and Tony both turn around with stern looks before both of their faces soften at the sight of the two teenagers who weaseled their way into everyone’s hearts.

“Hey, kids. I’m assuming you heard,” your Dad says.

You nod frantically, “Are you sure it’s him?”

Bruce calls from behind them, still typing, “Like 98% sure, sweetheart. He was able to tell me about our…adventures in an alien gladiator ring, for the lack of a better explanation.”

“And the other 2%?”

“He keeps making Footloose references? And other 80s references in general.”

“They’re here,” Bucky calls out, staring wide-eyed with Clint at the window.

Everyone turns to face the window, watching an orange alien ship descend onto the lawn.

As everyone is distracted, you turn around and attempt to sneak out of the room to meet Thor when he exits the ship. Two steps later, someone significantly stronger than you picks you up. Your turn your head slightly and see Steve dragging you back beside Peter.

“Uncle Steve!”

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, kid. Unless we know that it’s Thor and whoever he’s with isn’t a threat, the both of you are staying here,” he says sternly, looking to both you and Peter.

“But—”

“He’s right,” your Dad says before putting his EDITH glasses on. “If either of you gets hurt, Pepper and May will have my necks.”

You frown and sit down, and Peter follows suit, visibly upset he can’t see an alien spaceship up close. Bucky throws Steve his shield and the rest of the Avengers file out of the control room, leaving the rest of those cleared to work in the control room and two sulking teenagers in the room.

You and Peter roll towards the computer that Bruce was sitting it, which is now unoccupied.

“You think there are any games on here?” Peter asks suggestively as he logs back onto the computer.

“You’re kidding right?” you say, annoyed, “Of course there are games on here. This is Michael’s desk, there’s probably Galaga, or Minecraft if we’re lucky.”

Fortunately, there was indeed Minecraft and you and Peter spent half an hour exploring a world called ‘If Mike Was an Avenger.’ Peter even switched the game-mode to Creative and spent a solid five minutes spawning villagers and random animals in Michael’s house. After playing for a while, the two of you decided to continue your Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural playlist. You were on your third episode before your Dad came back, signaling that you could come to see Thor.

You followed him into the medical wing where you could see Thor seated on a medical bed with a group of people: some Avengers, another man you’ve never seen before, and a group of…beings that were definitely aliens.

As soon as you caught sight of him, you took off. You barreled into the room and launched yourself into Thor’s arms. Though caught off-guard, he lets out a hearty chuckle, standing up and spinning you in a circle. You laugh in delight as Peter and your Dad walk back into the room.

As soon as he sets you down you punch him in the torso. It was obviously not enough to even phase him, but he looks at you in shock.

“What was that for?” he asks, his heavy Asgardian accent coming through. You take a moment to glance at Thor. His hair was tied in a half-up bun while he wore dark pants and an athletic shirt (which probably belonged to Steve). He wasn’t as fit as he was when you first met him, but his beer-bod had gone away significantly.

You point a finger accusingly at him, “You left! Again! You can’t just keep disappearing and not tell us.”

“I’m truly sorry, Lady (Y/N),” Thor says, putting a hand on your shoulder. “I was assisting my new friends, who you may have recognized.” He gestures to the band of misfits scattered around the room; a giant green and veiny muscular man, a girl with antennas, a…racoon?, a tall tree who kept poking random things in the room, and a regular-looking man with styled side-burns that you didn’t know people in the 21st century still did.

“These are the Guardians of the Galaxy,” Thor says while nudging you, “and I’ve sort of become their leader.”

“You’re not our leader,” the human one says.

“Well, more like honorary—”

“No, not even. I’m the leader,”

“Yeah, sure you are,” the raccoon says and your eyes bulge out of your head slightly.

The man rolls his eyes and steps towards you, sticking out your hand to shake, “I’m Peter Quill, by the way.”

You immediately pull your hand from his and stare at his face. Peter pushes past Bruce and Bucky to stand beside you, analyzing his face. Instantaneously, all the puzzle pieces click.

“You’re—” you start, shocked.

“OH MY GOD. RYAN BERGARA WAS RIGHT,” Peter yells, whipping his face frantically around the room.

“What—” Quill starts before getting cut-off by you and Peter jumping up excitedly and yelling at him.

“You were abducted by aliens in 1988—”

“Outside of a hospital in Missouri—”

“Your Dad wanted to give you space so he waited a few minutes before he came out to find you—”

“But by the time you were already gone—”

“And everyone thought your case would remain—”

“Unsolved!”

Both you and Peter take a breath, looking at Peter for acknowledgment. He gives you a curt, bewildered nod in confirmation, sending you and Peter off into an excited frenzy. You immediately pull out your phone while Peter sits in front of the room’s desktop to pull up the Unsolved episode about Peter. The adults in your room look very confused, except for Tony. He smugly saunters to the center of the room and puts an arm around Peter’s shoulder as he types.

“It’s a Gen-Z thing,” he says, desperately trying to act like the Cool Dad.

Peter Quill takes a deep breath before sitting onto the nearest chair and rubbing a hand over his face. Apparently, he had missed a lot.

[alittleoptimistic]

Psychic For Hire

A Buzzfeed Unsolved Fanfic

Summary: Shane is a psychic for hire working in LA, and sure, he’s a fake, but at least he’s telling people what they need to hear! That is, he thought he was fake. But after a strange accident, he has the oddest dreams… Meanwhile his old friend Ryan is researching his next greatest supernatural horror novel in the underbelly of the LA psychic scene and wondering how on earth you convince someone they might be psychic for real?

Trigger warning: violence, car accidents, cussing, dead people.

________________________________________________________________

Chapter 2

Sometimes you’ve got to just be like, ‘well, okay, this is how today is gonna be.’ Ryan dropped his fifth quarter into the vending machine and blinked, long and slow at the options. He got lost for a second, his eyes focused on the reflection of ceiling lights and the waverly look of his own face in the glass. He had a bruise just beneath his left cheek, (coffee cup, he was pretty sure), and a cut on his upper arm. Pick a snack, he ordered. His arm lifted up and tapped in the numbers.

Chips, a slim jim. They clunked at the bottom and Ryan wandered toward room 247 A, where Shane lay sleeping. Ryan felt an odd calm. He should freak out, but he’d gone beyond that and now he floated in this haze while he waited for Shane to wake up.

The hospital room had vertical fabric blinds that let in a dirty evening light. When Ryan entered, Shane was sitting up in bed, gingerly poking at the small bandage over his left eyebrow. He’d been smacked pretty hard. Scary, hard. Ryan had never seen someone that pale before. They were lucky. His chest shuttered.

“Hey, big guy, you’re awake.”

Shane blinked at him, no trace of confusion in his eyes. He knew exactly where he was. Which was very typical of him, to be honest? He relaxed into a smile, apparently unperturbed by the whole situation. “You totaled my car. It’s like college all over again.”

“Fuck you,” Ryan threw the slim jim at him. “Don’t stick your head out the window like a dog.”

“I was throwing up. Christ, my head hurts. Am I okay? I feel okay?”

Ryan nodded.  “You flew out the window, so everyone is super shocked that you are. They think you probably have a concussion, though, which sucks. You’re supposed to rest or whatever. They’ll probably be in here in a few minutes.”

And they were. A few more hours of pandering around, being poked, asking and answering questions, and getting prescriptions, and then, remarkably, they were on their way out. It was… wild. He’d been so scared, and now here they were, catching an Uber.

“I wonder what happened to the people who hit us.” Ryan mused as they watched the animated Uber car on his phone get closer and then miss them entirely.

Shane huffed. “He’s fine. Won't try to change his shirt while driving again, I’m guessing. Don’t worry about it.”

Ryan glanced up. “You don’t even-”

“Is that our guy? I think I see it. Purple Toyota? Purple Toyota, baby!”

The night slipped into a darker, deeper purple as they arrived at Shane’s suburban fever dream of a house. The brightest light by far was Shane’s neon PSYCHIC sign on the front window. Ryan found himself staring at it as they climbed out of the Uber, saying their goodbyes.

He wasn’t sure this was such a good idea anymore.

He had four months to come up with the first draft of a novel about the LA psychics, according to his publishers. Ryan was thinking about some kind of mix of Dead Zone and the celebrity lifestyle… if that was possible. It made sense to stay with Shane, do research the way he always did. Part of his angle was always the real-life research he did before writing anything. He wanted to give people as much truth as he possibly could. Shane was his best friend (or was , ten years ago) and Shane was a professional psychic. It would be stupid to pass up an opportunity like it. This was a strange thing for Shane to be, of course. Ryan remembered first hearing about Shane’s job through a mutual friend and he’d laughed and told them they were confused. Shane, a psychic? Shane was goddamn Doubting Thomas reincarnate.

It made sense, now that Ryan was here, talking to him. Shane wanted to be a therapist in school, but he had to quit midway through after… something. Ryan couldn’t remember what had happened exactly. Shane had told him they couldn’t room together next semester, and just like that, he disappeared off the face of the earth. Ryan got the impression any questions about this were very off-limits, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t curious. The point was, the way he explained it, Shane managed to find a way to be a therapist without technically having a license.

It didn’t make him any less of a con artist, obviously, and it put an honest horrible taste in Ryan’s mouth. He’d rather not know about any of it than have to recalibrate who he thought his friend was. He couldn’t tell any of this to Shane. And he needed the room. Not to mention, it was going to be great for his book. What better insight to this side of LA then through the eyes of someone who knew all the tricks. Then, Ryan could find the real ones, couldn’t he? Or, he could try.

Shane unlocked the front door. He was talking casually about nothing in particular and Ryan laughed in response without really hearing the words. Shane’s house was simply ordered, a single hallway down the center with a living room and open kitchen to the left, and the closed-off office to the right. Two bedrooms further down the hall, and a bathroom at the end. Apparently, Shane used the other bedroom to do video work? Editing had always been a hobby of his, something he and Ryan bonded over originally. “I’ve got a foldout couch in there you can use, ” he told him.

They met around the breakfast counter and Shane poured him a glass of something. Ryan frowned. “I don’t think you should drink if you have a concussion.”

“I’m going to have a headache tomorrow either way,” Shane answered.

“Wh- no, Shane, Jesus-”

Shane took a sip and gave him a put on look. “It’s fine. I’m fine. You drink. You’re all shaky still.”

Ryan wanted to tell him he was not shaky, thank you very much. Instead, he picked up the glass and did so. Surprised, he took another sip. “This is… really good.”

“Gift from a friend,” Shane hummed, sitting down on the tall chairs. His feet still touched the ground, and Ryan realized a moment later, his own did not.

“You have friends?”

Shane rolled his eyes, amused, and then winced. He could brush it off all he liked, but his head was definitely hurting him. “Got me there. A client, then. Lilly Keller.”

Ryan choked on the wine.

“Wait. Like, the Lilly Keller?” Lilly Keller, the famous actress, winner of multiple oscars at the young age of twenty-three. Lilly Keller, America’s newest heartthrob. Ryan’s mouth dropped open. “You can’t just- Frick, dude, you’re Lilly Keller’s psychic?” Shane gave him a cheeky grin. “She’s a sweet girl. You can come with me to a session if you like.”

“ If I like? Who else do you know? Do you know Leonardo Dicaprio? Please say you-”

“She’s the only celebrity, don’t get too excited!”

Ryan was about to reply when headlights shot through the room from the front window. They were inordinately bright, especially since he and Shane hadn’t turned on more lights than the small one over the stove. The car faced them, unmoving. The headlights flipped on and off and on again with deliberation.

Ryan held up a hand to squint at it. “What the hell?”

Shane didn’t say anything.

“Shane?”

Ryan looked at him. Shane was stiff, his face blank. He set the glass down with a clink on the counter. “...shit…”

Ryan’s breath caught. “Is something wrong?”

Shane raised his eyebrows, meeting his eyes suddenly. “Naw. Just something I’ve gotta do. You wait in here.” Without another word, Shane crossed the kitchen and opened the door of his office. Ryan stayed at the counter, too shocked to do anything but obey.

Maybe this really was a bad idea.

Shane cursed in the dark of his office as he pushed aside a few books on his bookshelf to reveal the safe hidden behind. He opened the dial quickly. Inside lay a pile of jewelry, some watches, other important documents, and piles of cash. It wasn’t all his technically. He got rent from several other psychics around the area and then delivered a portion of his and theirs to the person above him.

Shane counted the bills, fumbling. His head pounded like it was shrinking around his brain. There was no way he was going to get around avoiding explaining this to Ryan. With a sigh, he straightened, closed the safe, and walked to the front door. Ryan met his gaze and his eyes widened when he saw the money in Shane’s hand. Shane didn’t have anything to put it in or else he would have. Shane didn’t respond. He already knew Ryan was scared. It was bleeding off him like sweet sick. Fear and disappointment.

Shane had a knife in his back pocket just in case as he walked down his sidewalk. It was wet from the sprinklers. Just at the end of the driveway sat a black, shiny car, windows thick.

The moment he saw it, his headache pulsed worse. But he relaxed. His shoulders dropped and he picked up his pace. Thank God…

The window rolled down as he got closer.

“Good evening, Jack.”

Jack, a black-haired kid with a pointy nose and bruised eyes, leaned into the streetlight so he was visible. “How’d you know it was me?”

Shane handed him the cash. “The way you park? I dunno. Wasn’t expecting you tonight. I thought you guys weren’t coming till the twentieth? Where’s Hera?”

“She’s at a party. Apparently she has some big meeting in the twentieth. She told me to come collect early.”

“Well, you’re lucky I had extra meetings this week.”

“ You’re lucky.”

Shane wasn’t scared of Jack. He wasn’t a bad kid, all things considered. It wasn’t his fault his family was batshit crazy. Shane smiled and drummed his fingers on the top of the car. “Well, tell Hera I said hello.”

“Will do.” Jack turned the car back on, putting the money on the passenger seat. He nodded toward Shane’s head. “Someone get ya?”

“Hmm? Oh, no. Car accident earlier today.”

“Aw, that sucks. They give you morphine?” Shane blinked at him. “A little. Gave me crazy dreams.”

The kid grinned a wide, toothy smile. One of his teeth was gold. “Nice. Thanks, bitch. See ya. Hera said she wants you to start taking in the money yourself or she’ll kick your ass.”

Shane opened his mouth to protest. Then he shut it. He managed something like a smile. “Fine. Stay safe, Jack.”

“Whatever, voodoo man.” With that, Jack rolled up the window and slunk the car down the street.

Shane hesitated in his front yard. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was... so tired.

And Ryan was peeking through the blinds. Of course, he was.

Shane turned around and met Ryan’s eyes immediately, startling the man into dropping the blinds and disappearing. It would be funny in other circumstances. Suddenly, he didn’t want to stay up and drink with his friend anymore. His headache was only getting worse and Ryan was worry pacing in his living room like an anxious cat.

Shane made it back to the kitchen. He rubbed the back of his neck. His body ached. The pain medication must have been wearing off. “Well, you wanted to know what it's like being a psychic in LA...” He laughed.

Ryan stood stiff, his hands trembling. “Who was that?” Shane ignored the question. “My head is killing me. Can we… I'm sorry, can we talk about this tomorrow?”

Ryan wavered. “Are you in danger?”

Shane waved the question away in dismissal. “Naw, calm down. My boss likes me.” He knew Ryan was brimming with questions, but they had a whole two months at least to get answers to them, and Shane was having a hard time focusing now. He walked out, down the hallway. “I set out the blankets and pillows on the bed in there.”

Ryan didn’t have a choice really, but he relented and followed. “... Okay. We’ll talk tomorrow?”

Shane turned at his door. “Duh? Night, Ryan.”

“... night.”

Shane put the door between them as quickly as he could. He was being totally unfair, but he really didn’t have the energy to explain. He sat down on his bed, took his shoes off, and then lay flat on the covers for a minute, thinking he’d get up and change any second. His body was heavy, and he was very aware for no reason in particular that he was a creature inside it.

Shane sat in the passenger seat as the car whizzed the highway. The radio played Miley Cyrus’s ‘The Climb’. Shane turned his head. He recognized the feeling, the thickness of the air like moving through dough. In the driver seat, Jack sang not-so-well, but earnestly, as he drummed his hands on the wheel. The sight made Shane smile. Jack wouldn’t be caught dead listening to something like this.

Shane stood in a bookshop, looking up at the reflection of a book on the inside of a display. ǝɿiH ɿoꟻ ɔiʜɔγƨꟼ. A dark-haired man passed by.

Rapid images passed his eyes. A girl cried in her bathroom, a man and a woman fought in a kitchen. A plate broke. The images passed faster and faster until he couldn’t distinguish them. Everything was too quick, too much information all at once. His stomach began to ache.

Then he was laying on cold marble tiles. Heels clicked past his ear. Above him, marble arches stretched into a dome centered by a massive chandelier that shone like the damn sun. He tried to sit up and managed to turn his head instead. Gravity was too heavy. A familiar woman opened the front door. She wore a mink fur shawl over a nightgown, clearly heading toward the bed. “Jack. you look like shite, honey, why doesn’t your mama dress you properly.”

“Got the money, auntie.”

A pause. “Excuse me?”

Jack stepped back. Shane could see his sneakers. “I have the money, auntie Hera, Ma’am.”

He gave it to her and she hummed. “You told him to come here?”

Jack nodded.

“It’s about time we initiated that dry ass fucker… I’ve never seen a more well-behaved pet.” She leaned forward and pulled Jack down so she could kiss him on the cheek.

“Aw, ugk, auntie- auntie, he’s paying fine, I don't see why you’ve gotta-”

She grabbed his cheek, a little rougher than she ought to have. “How about you run along and let the adults do the thinking, Jackie dear. Have a goodnight, tell your mama she’s a whore.”

“Okay, auntie.”

Shane was listening so closely, he almost didn’t notice until it was too late. The stone crept around his legs and up to his body. He screamed as he fell into the marble.

Concrete surrounded him. He couldn’t breathe. Coldwater rushed at his back. Suddenly he dropped into water, tumbling, slamming into walls. It was so cold. He gasped and flailed and-

Jumped up out of sweat-soaked sheets.

Shane choked on nothing, shivering, breathing rapidly. His whole body hurt. He was battered and bleeding and-

No, no he wasn’t. What kind of nightmare…

Shane scrubbed his face and hissed in pain at the cut over his eye. Sunlight streamed in from the window. A few moments passed, and his heartbeat slowed.

The door rattled. Ryan poked his head in, hair tousled. “Yo, you want eggs?”

Yes, he did.

Man, concussions sure were weird.

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previous            to be continued....

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 240: PLIFF

Previously on BnHA: Shigaraki “Thanos” Tomura gleefully reduced an entire city to dust while laughing maniacally. You know, villain things. He almost turned Re-Destro to dust as well, but Re-Destro got around that by chopping off his own legs. Like it was no big. I still haven’t quite managed to process that yet. Anyway, so everyone was real impressed by Tomura at this point, because how could you not be, and to sum things up, Re-Destro basically accepted him as his lord and savior and handed the Meta Liberation Army over to him. So now Shigaraki Tomura, noted crazy person and heir to All for One’s empire, who has just upgraded his quirk so as to be able to destroy basically anything within an unknown range without even having to touch the thing directly, and who has also pledged to destroy the entire world, has an army. And he also has Gigantomachia, who was watching him all hearts-in-eyes while he did his thing. So all in all this has been a very productive arc for the League of Villains. And meanwhile, the League of Everyone Else may want to think about changing their name to “League of People About To Be Incredibly Fucking Screwed.”

Today on BnHA: The League of Villains, in what is clearly the best rebranding move since New Coke, renames itself the “Paranormal Liberation Front”, a.k.a. PLF, a.k.a. PLIFF because that’s what it instantly became in my head and you can’t stop me. Among PLIFF’s Finest is newly initiated member Hawks, whose mystery bag is finally confirmed to have contained exactly what we all thought it was going to contain. I don’t even want to talk about that. I’m still in denial. But also weirdly thrilled. I’m terrible. Anyway, so Hawks is all “:) we’re fucked,” agreeing with the consensus the general fandom has come to over the past week, and palling around with his new best friend Dabi as he frantically tries to come up with some kind of plan. Maybe the heroes can try rebranding themselves as “the Supernatural Emancipation Cavalry.” That wouldn’t really solve anything, but it’d be funny to watch the villains come to realize they’re being mocked. Sorry but y’all brought this on yourselves.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)  

so I received an ask from a very kind anon warning me to be careful of spoilers for this chapter. thank you, anon! rest assured that I have been very cautious, and am pleased to inform everyone that I’m diving in spoiler-free this week. so bring on your Kacchan hero names, your Best Jeanist heads, your new Deku quirks, and whatever other twists you want to toss my way, manga. but especially that first one. this arc has been fantastic, but now that it’s wrapping up, I miss my kids and I would like to check in with them soon. they grow up so fast and time is precious

so apparently the title for this chapter is “Power”, which could mean lots of things, but I imagine it’s not something that bodes well for our heroes. honestly does anything bode well for them at this point. they’re not having much luck on the boding front

oh cool, a time jump! so this is apparently now one week after “the deadly battle.” wow, way to sum everything up in the blandest terms possible while still being accurate. like, yeah, that is what it was, but somehow it doesn’t quite communicate the full magnitude of what actually went down, you know?

anyway so the town basically looks like it got hit by a fucking meteor

new crack theory that a time-traveling Shigaraki Tomura is what actually killed the dinosaurs

wow would you fucking look at this

I guess this is the BnHA version of “an unfortunate training exercise”

also I like how they didn’t think it would be believable that one sleepy boi could cause all of this destruction, so they amped it up to twenty fucking guys instead. sob. why did they even bother giving Tomura an army. he is an army

lol the bullshit continues

“reporting to you live from Deika City, an innocent and wholesome country town in no way affiliated with an extreme right-wing quirk supremacist movement, where citizens recently found themselves victims of an entirely unprovoked attack by no fewer than twenty, and definitely more than six, villains. the brave citizens proceeded to fight them off, and definitely killed them all and didn’t surrender to them and elect their leader as their new god. also the president of Detnerat just happened to be there. just coincidentally. he definitely was not the one who instigated the entire thing. when asked for comment, Mr. Yotsubashi responded, quote, ‘nonsense, I’m no hero. would you call a man a hero just because he fought off an army of villains alone and selflessly sacrificed his own legs to ensure that justice prevailed? would you call that heroic? poppycosh. that’s just the kind of man I am. I wouldn’t call myself brave. ‘humble,’ maybe. ‘handsome’, perhaps. but a hero? no. I’m just an everyday, all-around good type of person, that’s all.’ so there you have it. truly a courageous figure. a gallant example of truly stellar fortitude and virtue. we need more Yotsubashi Rikiyas in these trying times. back to you, Jeff”

anyway, so the media in BnHA. fairly gullible, huh?

so now the report is concluding with a statement that the investigation is still ongoing. uh huh. damn they really got away scot-free with all this, huh

and we’re cutting to a close-up of sushi! oh my god. Compress have your dreams finally come true at last

yesssss oh my god. I’m so happy for him

(ETA: on my second read-through I paid attention to try to see whether or not Compress had finally gotten a new robot arm, but it’s impossible to tell. he’s only using his right hand here, and later on when he goes on stage with the rest of them he’s wearing his usual trenchcoat and gloves. I’m just gonna assume he finally got the upgrade he wanted, though. nice to see you so content, Mister I-Ran-Around-A-Lot.)

excuse me, what, Dabi? he didn’t even do anything?? as opposed to you, who basically just set yourself on fire and glared at Frogurt for half a dozen chapters?? don’t hurt yourself climbing back down from that high horse you punk

lol what

I don’t even have to scroll down to the rest of this page to immediately know this is some bullshit. she’s not dead. out of everyone in the League she’s probably third most important after Tomura and Mr. You-Didn’t-Even-Do-Anything above. her quirk is too plot-critical for her to actually be dead. you’re not gonna kill off the ONLY GIRL IN THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS, either. Horikoshi who do you even think you’re fooling

ah, yep

Togaaaaaaaaa omg. I’d hug you but you’d stab me. but I’m so happy to see you my precious baby girl

and it actually makes sense for Twice to be mourning the clone, though, and I’m glad they showed it. because he of all people understands that the clone is the person to at least some degree. like, it’s nice that he doesn’t just view them as disposable and he respects them. he’s so nice omfg

anyway so it looks like he’s back to being crazy though

oh well, it was nice while it lasted. at least he doesn’t appear traumatized anymore. and he has a boyfriend now too. where is Giran anyway

now fucking Skeptic is walking in like he’s on the set of a fucking sitcom

[canned audience laughter]

nice touch on the following page with Hanabata starting to refer to Re-Destro as “The Supreme...” before catching himself and amending it to just “Re-Destro”

oh wow

damn, LoV, y’all went from poverty straight to the .01%. talk about an upgrade

oh my god there’s a secret passage

oh my god it leads to a secret basement

trying not to think about the last time we were in a secret villain basement. this isn’t like that. relax. that arc is over now. deep breaths

holy shit

this is like the fucking Mines of Moria. complete with a Balrog. jesus christ

omg look who got himself a BRAND NEW SUIT AND TIE ENSEMBLE oh shiiit

is that a fucking fur-lined coat. Shigaraki Tomura has officially upgraded to KHR Villain status. what a little shit. I adore you, you son of a bitch

and I thought he destroyed all the hands?? come on dude, I know it’s like your signature look, but I was hoping we were going in a different direction from here on out. ah well

wow, Horikoshi

just once. just once I would like this man to leave a plothole unaddressed for more than one page. god I love this manga

anyway so they’re fully lampshading the fact that this one hand somehow miraculously survived, and they’re all “I guess it’s his trademark, huh?” yep, that’s right. his lewk. now be quiet, you two. which of us is doing the recap here

so now RD is up on stage showing off the weirdest fucking wheelchair I’ve ever seen, and singing Tomura’s praises

it’s remarkable how quickly his ego adapted to his brand new role as head of Tomura’s PR. he almost seems to be enjoying this more than when he was the leader

oh shit??

A NEW NAME?? oh my god. edge of my seat. can’t wait. take it away boys

LOOOOOOOL what

sob this makes it sound like they do ghost investigations. is there a League of Villains Buzzfeed Unsolved AU. this is what happens when you put the otaku in charge of the name

just. why paranormal. they thought it sounded cool?? and am I really supposed to type out PLF and not pronounce it like “pliff” in my head moving forward?? yeah, that’s not happening. you guys are now PLIFF. congratulations

thank god they’ve still got Tomura to lend legitimacy to this whole ridiculous operation. god, there’s something I never thought I’d say. Tomura why are you now the part of the League -- excuse me, PLIFF -- that I actually take the most seriously. god

y’all heard the man. whatever we want. this is happening. just remember kid, you gave me permission

holy shit you guys is that motherfucking Carvel!?!? I was staring at the panel all “WHO IS THIS” and wondering if they’d somehow brought Kizuki back to life, oh my god. I’m fucking dying send help. he looks like Galaxy Express 999. my brain is short-circuiting

anyway so everyone is all HOORAY WE LOVE THIS and they’re all cheering

HOMBGLKDF

DSLFKSHDLGK HEY BOY, HOW ARE YOU LIKING BEING A MEMBER OF THIS NEW HERE VILLAIN CULT. WHERE’S THE FUCKING BAG, HAWKS

SDFKSJDLFKSDLKFH A FLASHBACK AHHHHHH

I CAN’T TURN THE PAGE OH GOD NO SOMEBODY ELSE DO IT

OH MOTHERFUCKING SHIT

my jaw just. fucking. -- -----------

okay Hawks. fucking explain. how did you do it. is it a fake?? surely it’s not the real deal?? oh god, the memes have now become terribly real. I have no choice but to embrace this with even more stupid jokes and memes as a coping mechanism or I’m gonna lose it

but for real, they didn’t seriously do my boy Jeanist like that. Paramount Optimal Jeanist did not survive a point-blank attack from motherfucking All For One just to get shanked by Hawks so that he could get good with PLIFF, only to be, and I quote, “too late...!”

(ETA: and on readthrough #2, Dabi does indeed bring up the fact that this might not actually be Jeanist’s corpse. “setting aside the issue of whether he is who you say he is...” so even he acknowledges that shenanigans could be afoot.

but he seems convinced it’s a real body at the very least. though did it never occur to you that he could have just picked it up from the morgue, dude? that’s gonna be my go-to theory for now at any rate.)

is now a good time for me to bring up something I’ve been wondering about for a while, which is how Bakugou is going to take this? yes, Bakugou. “okay makeste, I know he’s your favorite and I know you miss him, but what kind of mental cartwheels are you doing in order to make this situation with Hawks and PLIFF somehow relate to Bakugou Katsuki, whom we last saw twenty fucking chapters ago, and who has absolutely nothing to do with this?”

well I’m glad you asked, and you see, it’s because (a) the internship, and (b) because we already know Katsuki blames himself for at least one hero’s downfall as a result of what happened in Kamino, and I could easily see him having a similar response to Best Jeanist’s injury and subsequent disappearance. like, we already know this shit is all over the news. and Bakugou knows Jeanist personally. and so now what with him being missing, I can’t help but wonder if he’ll blame himself again for being the reason Jeanist was there at Kamino, and lost a lung, and so forth

and I realize this tangent is coming sort of out of left field, but seeing as this arc is finally wrapping up, and we can expect to cut back to the U.A. kids again soon, I just figured I’d bring it up now, because we’ll see if I’m right or not shortly

anyway. so let’s get back on topic. best dead Jeanist. oh god

but it seems like it did, at least, finally convince Dabi of Hawks’s sincere villainous intentions. so we have that one minor win, I guess. congratulations Hawks, now you know about the secret villain basement and their new rebranding. was it worth it you bastard

oh shit. actually, maybe it was. because now he understands just how incredibly screwed they are sob

so he doesn’t know for sure about the Noumu yet. so Tomura still has that little ace up his sleeve. fucking great

but him knowing about the Detnerat thing is big, though. so now the heroes know not to trust any of their equipment, or any of their lackeys like fucking Slidin’ Go. that’s something, at least

and you gotta love the whole “equal to, if not greater than” bit, sob. never in my life have I ever seen something so egregiously understated. “Shigaraki might be more powerful than the heroes at this point” yeah, you think!? god

holy shit Re-Destro calm the fuck down

Tomura’s telling him to get lost, and he’s immediately making himself scarce lol. good riddance

and Tomura is now kneeling dramatically and pounding his fist on the floor. okay

hey

I take offense, sir. “League of Villains” had a timeless air about it. and more importantly, you couldn’t abbreviate it to the sound that someone makes when they plop down tiredly onto a couch

oh shit!!!!

THIS LAST PAGE HAD BETTER BE A TERRIFYING PANEL OF THE HIGH END NOUMUS, OMG. I’M HOLDING MY BREATH

GODDAMMIT IT’S JUST ANOTHER SEXY CLOSEUP OF TOMURA’S FACE

I mean, can you actually call it that at this point? can you actually “grant” something to someone if they already have more of it than they know what to do with?

but I mean, we know what he really means though, so fair enough

oh ffs now he’s saying “but first there’s something I’d like you to do for me” oh my god enough with these side quests!

he wants him to transport something, apparently. ARE YOU HATCHING SOME NEW SCHEME oh gosh

oh my god and meanwhile Hotwings is becoming canon right before our eyes holy shit

of course!! he’s fucking thrilled!! everything is just!! so great!! right now!! :)!!!!!

oh my god Hawks

“Endeavor, and everyone” I see what you did there kid

(ETA: and as far as I recall, Endeavor doesn’t even know about his undercover mission yet. I wonder how he’s going to react when he finds out. your adopted son is now best friends with your presumed-dead son! and in mortal danger omg.)

wow. wow. and that’s the end of the chapter. fucking shit

so! lots to process! Hawks really did it! the absolute madman!! and Dabi fucking loves him now, which is great, if you like things that inevitably end in tragedy. then that’s great for you. but otherwise I guess it’s not so great

so I wonder if our next arc will be the Undercover Hawks Antics arc, or if we’ll be getting back to Deku and the gang. I’m guessing the latter because it’s been a while, but it’s definitely exciting to see this particular plotline finally advancing and becoming more intricate

so basically I have no idea what to expect next week. which is amazing. I’m so fucking excited. now if Horikoshi could just leave us all a little pity disclaimer clarifying that no Jeanists were actually harmed in the making of this chapter and that it was all CGI or some shit, that would be great :/

[adonis-koo]

Chasing Ghosts (and my boyfriends)

Note: I’ve been binging on Buzzfeed Unsolved waaaay to much but like, Shane and Ryan remind me so much of Yoongi and Hoseok I’m just doing god’s work yall. Might turn this into a drabble series, might not?? Lemme know what y’all think.

Plot: Nobody ever told you joining the Unsolved department would result in you being together with a sarcastic dumbass and the biggest coward on the planet. You wouldn’t change it for the world

Pairing: Yoongi/Reader/Hoseok

Word count: 2.6K

Genre: Fluff, drabble, attempted humor, poly relationship, buzzfeed!au

----

“Alright it’s rolling.”

“Sh! He’s already paranoid as fuck. Over here.”

You let out a giddy snicker as you gripped the camera tightly, filming your boyfriend Yoongi who was currently mirroring your crouched position. Waddling his way with the utmost determination you had to applaud, your thighs however, were already burning in the uncomfortable position and you were well aware this couldn’t have been good footage for the show.

But it was such a funny idea you couldn’t resist it when Yoongi had kept poking your sides with that dumb gummy smile that made you melt. 

The topic matter at hand though was not so melt worthy, to Hoseok at least, who suddenly gasped out. Rightfully so due to Yoongi being an asshole, knocking his hand against the wall three times, “G-guys?” Hoseok whimpered out, you could already imagine his lips quivering while parted and his eyes blew out wide, “Y/n? Yoongi?”

You had to resist the urge to laugh due to partially feeling bad, your other boyfriend was the biggest coward you knew, but that was what had made him so endearing. Hoseok was already making his way over to the sound of the knocking, his flashlight in hand as Yoongi jumped out, screaming. His voice matched Hoseok who had jolted so hard he fell backwards onto his ass, “Holy fuck nuts! What the fuck! That wasn’t funny!” 

Hoseok had immediate objections to your prank as the camera fumbled in your grip, you kept laughing despite his gaze shooting to you with puppy like betrayal. You couldn’t help it though, he was just so darn cute when he got scared,  “You guys are such assholes! You know I don’t like this place.”

Yoongi had already pulled him up off the ground, howling out with laughing as he wrapped an arm around him, “C’mon on that was funny, you have to admit it. What did you think I was? A haunted door? Ah yes there’s nothing more painful than being shut in half”

“In half?” You wheezed out, “I don’t think that’s a thing.”

Hoseok was giving his signature nervous laugh as he relaxed into Yoongi’s grip, “Y-yeah I did actually,” he sputtered indignantly, “I can only hope with your insufferable ass here, maybe he’d be doing me a favor.”

After finishing your rounds of laughing you had all began making your way further into the house until you found the parlor on the second floor- See somewhere along the lines in your life you thought it would be hilarious to apply as a buzzfeed worker, well technically it was for journalism, who wouldn’t wanna write about 12 GIF’s that describe your existential crisis while in the shower, or what scented candle matched your personality the best? You didn’t think you’d actually land the job.

How you ended up in the Unsolved, department was beyond you. But what were you supposed to say when your boss asked if you wanted to be apart of a show where you got to go to haunted places all around the world, for free.

Well it wasn’t free obviously, but the expenses were paid for and that was the best part about it,  okay so it wasn’t the best part. The best part about your show was how it had introduced you to both your wonderful dumbass boyfriends that shared one whole braincell with you, and you wouldn’t have had it any other way.

You had dusted off your chair as you placed it between them, Yoongi on your right and Hoseok on your left as the cameraman gave the thumbs up clearing you for recording, “Brrr, a little chilly in here already.” Yoongi commented, sarcasm invading his voice at Hoseok teetering around, his eyes flickering around as paranoia set in.

The room, was like any other room at a haunted area, musty and dust coating everything, some of the wallpaper had been stained and peeling and their was plenty of debris on the floor. You weren’t a nonbeliever in the supernatural, but you also weren’t a non believer. You had considered yourself a skeptic, leaned towards believing. 

Except you radiated absolute chaotic energy with your over optimism in trying to find ghosts, you wouldn’t consider yourself taunting them, it was more like a...open minded approach in how you got them to communicate, where as Hoseok was always treading lightly. Yoongi on the other hand, was more likely to get levitated and yeeted against the wall with all of his smart ass comments and snide remarks to try and provoke the ghosts.

“It is man, do you not feel that?” Hoseok instantly replied, wrapping his arms around himself as he shifted in his seat, his eyes those cute dilated pupils, “Feels off here guys.” Hoseok looked towards the camera, laughing again with that nervousness on his face.

You laughed as you sunk into your seat, making yourself at home as you smiled at his endearing nervousness, “The only Off in here is from Yoongi since he couldn’t stand the mosquitoes outside.”

You all began laughing again as Yoongi chimed in, “It’s a valid fucking concern mosquitoes are real, they drink your blood! You don’t see Ghosts running around trying to snack on my ass.” 

The wheezing got louder from both you and Hoseok as you slapped your thigh.

 “Jot that down for our new bumper sticker,” you laughed towards the camera, excitement running through your veins at the realization kicking in that you were officially at the haunted attraction and not just for an investigation, no you’d be spending the night, “Alright, why don’t you tell us the rundown? Who are we hunting for today?”

Hoseok had began to tell his tale of the haunting of the house, apparently this had been a psychiatric ward back in the 17th century when the medical field had still been developing. Various of the doctors had used the patients on rather, well unfortunately painful and useless operations and experiments. The body count of the tortured souls was over seventy five in counting and that was only the ones confirmed, some of the doctors and nurses both had also commited suicide throughout the years, legend had it you could still hearing them walking down the halls.

The large estate was eventually bought and renovated after it was closed for inhumane treatment and intentional homicide, ever since the house had been passed around like a hot potato from renters due to paranormal activity, ominous and foreboding feeling they had gotten while living here.

Naturally after your banter had finished clowning the previous owners you had all gotten up too explore, stopping by one of the more spooky rooms where apparently one of the patients had died in an electroshock therapy that was a little too high in voltage.

“If brain exploding guy is present in this room, make yourself known to us,” Yoongi clacked his tongue, pushing his hands in his pockets as Hoseok began objecting, “You can pop a light bulb, make a sound or noise, preferably throw him out the window but- y’know I’m good with whatever.”

You had already began snorting a laugh as Hoseok flailed his arms about while muttering a ‘jesus christ’, the poor boy was gonna have a heart attack one of these days because of you both. 

It was silent for a moment as you all waited before you sighed, “I don’t think he wants to talk about the brain thing, it’s a bit grueling y’know?” You waved your hands against your head as you gave a grimace, “I’d like to think it’s like having a migraine- but like…on steroids.”

“Steroids that make your fucking head explode?” Hoseok curved a brow, but you began wheezing a laugh as he waved his hands about, “One of these days you’re both gonna get throat punched and I’m just gonna stand there and laugh.”

You and Yoongi were already laughing though as you began to make your way out of the room, you had all began shuffling room to room, occasionally getting some responses though most were so distorted it was difficult to make out what they were saying.

Finally you had sat down in the most active room, setting up your flashlight as you opened the conversation, “If there is a ghost here present with us, we’re going to ask you some questions now. There are some rumors surrounding your death, if you were murdered, could you turn on the flashlight for us?”

Hoseok was practically pale in the face from holding his breath as you all watched the flashlight do nothing, after a few more seconds he exhaled in relief, “If you commited suicide, can you turn on the flashlight?”

It was another ten seconds before Yoongi scoffed, crossing his arms as he waltzed over to the flashlight that laid against the old stacked cardboard boxes, “What a fucking wimp. If you were at least a decent ghost you’d be able to flick the light on.”

“Dude shut the fuck up!” Hoseok almost squealed out, bouncing on his feet as his eyes darted across the room, you had began howling out laugh as he nervously teetered closer to you, jumping at a thump in one of the other rooms as he grabbed your hand, “Do you want us to die?”

You had kept laughing as you coo’d at Hoseok who kept looking at both of you like you were insane, wrapping both your arms around his as you gave his bicep a pat, “Okay, okay fine. Jokes aside, ghost, if you want to throw me and Yoongi out the window just flick that shit right on.”

“Y/n! No sto-” Hoseok suddenly screamed, jumping in your grip as the flashlight instantly flicked on. Yoongi took a step back as he kept laughing, not looking the least threatened as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

Tongue pressed into his cheek with that gummy smile as he continued your statement, “If you want to hurt me and Y/n, turn the flashlight off.” Hoseok was practically whimpering as he ran a hand through his hair, his shrieking heightened at the flashlight flicking off.

“Alright stop! Let’s just set up our shit and get to bed.” Hoseok whined, already grabbing the flashlight as he hauled ass out of the room leaving you and Yoongi laughing like no tomorrow.

You both followed behind before going into one of the doctor’s bedrooms, setting up camp for the night.

After mounting the camera to the wall you gave it a flick as you laughed out, “What if some paranormal activity shit happens? Like what if Hoseok just got his ass dragged right out of bed?”

“Hey! Why me?” Hoseok called out, slumping down on the bed as he hugged his pillow closer, complaining about you using him in your weird ideas.

Yoongi snorted a laugh as he dove onto the bed, sprawling out as he yawned, giving the camera a thumbs up as he ignored your distressed partner, “They’d be doing us a service.”

“Rude!” Hoseok howled out, tossing himself towards the side of the bed, his voice whiny as you laughed. Hopping down from the chair as you gave the camera a thumbs up before crawling onto the bed in between them both. 

Most nights spent at haunts were long, mainly because Hoseok was awake the entire night, freaked out by every little sound he heard.

Tonight, wasn’t any different. Yoongi had been spooning you from behind, his nose nuzzled into the crook of your neck dead asleep. You however? You were on night shift, watching Hoseok stiffen, and if the room wasn’t so dark you were sure you would’ve seen the dilation in his eyes, “Did you hear that?”

You yawned, stretching your arms towards him, trying to pull him back against you but he wasn’t having it, “No…?” 

He shushed you, popping up from his spot as you whined, your front body now cold without your other boyfriend to keep you warm, “Shh! There’s footsteps.”

You both quieted down for a moment, and that’s when you heard it. Large thuds above you on the second floor, it was like heavy boots trudging up and down the hallway. You weren’t gonna lie and say it didn’t creep you out, because it definitely did. But you were also a pragmatic person at heart, it could’ve been a lot of things. Albeit not a lot of things were very loud like that but...

“Oh my god we’re gonna die.” Hoseok’s breath hitched, his body shuddered as he flopped back down, looking like he was ready to stroke out. Why your boss thought someone with so much anxiety would make a good addition to Unsolved was beyond you. But your heart washed with remorse for him as you felt his hands shake against you.

The footsteps didn’t cease, constantly trudging across the ceiling, it was unnerving. Really unnerving, but your love for your boyfriend was stronger as you sighed, sitting up as you felt Yoongi shift, eyes cracking open sleepily at his personal pillow breaking away.

“Come on, let’s switch spots.” You coaxed, feeling too bad for nervous boyfriend. As much as you wanted to sleep between them, like you always did. You also didn’t want to see Hoseok have a nervous breakdown at the new constant sound. The great thing about having two boyfriends was double the cuddles. You felt invincible between both of their bodies at night. That being said it was usually easy to fall asleep during haunts, that was if Hoseok wasn’t such a scaredy cat.

“N-no I’m fine.” Hoseok tried to insist but you were already crawling on top of him, trying to shove him towards the middle. He was fumbling again, trying to say he would survive, obviously not wanting you on the edge of the bed. 

Yoongi let out a loud exasperated sigh at the noise you both kept making, “Shut the fuck up and come here you baby.” grabbing his wrist he dragged him towards the middle of the bed, Hoseok had let out an indignant sound but didn’t protest as Yoongi pulled the new body pillow into a spoon, resuming his usual position like he had before with you.

Smiling victoriously you crawled closer, wrapping your arms around him as you nuzzled your way into his chest with a content sigh, “See? No ghost is gonna drag you off the bed…” You pressed your lips together before snickering, “Granted if I go, you’re coming with me.”

“Well then Yoongi’s gonna tag along too because I don’t think he’s gonna let go.” Hoseok had relaxed into your grip, digging his nose into your hair as he smiled. Even with the footsteps stomping around, and he was distinctly sure he heard something down the hall, it was hard not to relax into the arms of the loves of his life, “Maybe spending the night wasn’t so bad after all.” he hummed out, arms tightening around you as you yawned.

“It’s all fun and games until the flashlight over there turns on, on its own.” You teased, your eyes beginning to droop as you felt him tense again slightly.

“We are not staying the night if that happens.” Hoseok huffed indignantly, shuffling in your grip before relaxing again. 

The night was long. It always was with Hoseok, but it wasn’t unpleasant by any means, not when you were with both of them. Life had definitely become a much bigger adventure when you met them both, and you had a feeling that wasn’t gonna change anytime soon.

In the end, when dawn broke Hoseok was practically pushing you both out of the house, finally breathing in relief at being outside as he insisted to Yoongi about what you and him had heard throughout the night, whether it was a ghost or not though, would remain unsolved.

Given how easily scared Hoseok was though, that would probably be for the best.

[littleogreboii]

NYA! KAI FORGOT TO DEFROST THE CHICKEN! Chapter 3: everyone’s worried about kai’s singular braincell

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Summary: Lloyd questions his life choices as a 16 year old, runaway dropout. Kai is pulling ideas out his ass for his Buzzfeed articles, which means he's doing great. Nya is getting sick and tired of how incompetent her mentor is.

Chapter Summary:  Kai plots his flat's demise and nearly everyone is horrified.

AN: Featuring me dodging writing about science. Once again, swearing.

AO3 | FF

Kai isn’t going to admit to being in a rut. It’s only been 3 weeks and it’s not like he hasn’t been writing during that time. He’s just gotten worse at writing and most creative geniuses do so from time to time. Like it could be argued that Fall Out Boy got worse. Of course, if he said that out loud, Cole would beat him up and Cole is 250lbs of pure muscle. So, Kai will keep his thoughts to himself. Especially when he knows that if Cole's upset, Zane and Pixal will not hesitate to jump him. No instead, Kai is going to see if there are any fruits and vegetables that can conduct electricity. He might possibly burn down the flat in the process. But first, he needs to acquire some fruit.

Nya doesn’t seem to like the store closest to them, but Kai isn’t willing to make the trek into the city. Besides, Kai knows Nya tends to shop there anyway. She’ll claim it’s because she doesn’t have a motorbike. He’ll claim it’s because of her inability to use a bus. And he’s older and wiser.

He nods at the staff as he passes them. He doesn’t like most of them, but it can’t hurt to be polite. He grins at the realisation, Lloyd is on till today. He only knows Lloyd vaguely, recognising him as Garmadon’s son, but the kid’s a laugh. Once you get past his customer service smile that is. He tosses as much fruit and vegetables in a basket as possible. Then, he marches to the till.

Lloyd frowns as he sits up. “Do I even want to know?”

Kai begins unloading his basket. “I’m seeing if there are any foods that can conduct electricity.”

“I’ll listen out for fire trucks.” Lloyd begins scanning items. “Do you need a bag?”

Kai glances about and pats his pocket. “Yes.”

Lloyd pulls out a couple bags. “Don’t you have some job to do besides blowing up food?”

“I’m doing this for my job.” Kai beams.

Lloyd inhales. “I quit.”

“Nooooo…” Kai pretends to cry. “Then who will scan my shopping?”

“One of the others.” Lloyd sighs as a cucumber fails to scan.

“Who’s even on today?” Kai begins tossing his items into bags.

Lloyd thinks. “Chen and Gene, but I think Sally will be here soon.” 

“Oh god no. You can’t leave me to those two.” Kai pales. “They’d both give me the dirts.”

“Considering what you’re buying, I wouldn’t blame them.” Lloyd squints at the screen. “That’ll be $30.38.”

“Nice.” Kai pulls his card out the back of his phone and shoves it in the card machine. He taps his foot while he waits. Then, he enters his pin and goes to pull his card out.

Lloyd pushes Kai’s hand away. “Don’t. Not yet.” Kai frowns. “Now you can.” Lloyd’s barely got the words out before Kai yanks his card from the machine.

“Thanks kiddo!” Kai calls out as he practically runs out of the store. 

Kai makes it home and is pouring his shopping onto the kitchen counter when his phone rings. He grimaces as he sees who it is. Time to whip out some grade A lies.

“Sup’ Zane.” He answers.

“Nya wanted me to make sure you weren’t planning on burning down the flat.” To most Zane’s voice comes across as rather monotonous, but Kai knows how to read the deeper meanings. Zane’s voice raises slightly towards the end of the sentence and Kai has to bite down a scoff. They’re finding this funny. Little shit. Well, tall shit as Zane’s teetering on the edge of 6’2.

“No.” Kai pauses, forcing his voice lower. “I would never do such a thing. Besides, I’m 22. I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Really? I seem to remember you gassing out your flat last month.” And Kai fights back a smirk at this because that was a good experiment. It made an even better article. He might even call it his magnum opus.

“That was ages ago! I’ve learned and matured since then.” Kai defends. No, he definitely hasn’t learnt or matured since then.

“Again, it was last month, Kai. And before then, there was a time where you smashed a window.” They make a compelling argument.

But, they made one mistake. “I rescind that! That ordeal was Jay’s fault and you know it.”

“I’m sorry. Were you not the one who volunteered your flat for the occasion?” And it’s Zane’s victory. Again. Make that 71 wins in a row for Zane.

“Ok, you got me there.” Kai concedes. “But, I’m not planning on burning down the flat so you have nothing to report to Nya.”

“You’re wrong. I can report to Nya that you admit you’re a child.” God, Kai needs new friends.

“What? I never said that!” He complains.

“Yes, but it was implied from your admittance to such immature acts.” Kai can practically hear the smug rolling off of Zane.

“That’s not what- Ughhhh- I hate you!” He hangs up before Zane can beat up his ego anymore. Kai stands and glares daggers at his phone for a few minutes. His phone lights up a couple times with texts from Zane, but he ignores them. Zane’s probably just teasing him some more anyway. Instead, he contemplates his plan of action. He needs equipment to test the food’s conductivity with. He could raid Nya’s room, but he doesn’t fancy being yelled at today. Pixal would report him to Nya. Cole definitely would not have the equipment for it and Kai doesn’t fancy hearing about how annoying Lou is. Skylor’s currently out of town. Echo would be in school at the moment and is too loyal to Zane. Which means it’s going to have to be Jay. This will be fun. He dials Jay and waits. It doesn’t take long as Jay is near permanently glued to his phone.

“Hey Kai, what’s up? Wait let me guess. You wanna blow something up? Nya’s being annoying? You can’t ask Zane because they’ll tell Nya?” Jay rattles off immediately.

“I’m not gonna blow something up. Why do you all think so little of me? I’m great.” Kai defends. “Anyway, it’s more I need some equipment.”

“What you doing?” Jay raises his voice to imitate Isabella from Phineas and Ferb.

“Never do that again.” Kai deadpans. “And I’m testing the conductivity of fruit and veg.”

“Oooh can I film?” Jay questions.

“No. I’m doing this for my job, not for you to post it on youtube.” Kai wishes Jay didn’t have an urge to try and record everything. Kai’s not even sure what the main point of Jay’s channel is by this point.

Jay whines. “Can I at least watch?”

“Nah,” Kai pauses long enough to hear Jay’s disappointment. “I’ll probably need your help. We all remember my grades.”

“YES!” Jay screeches into the phone. “I’ll be right there! Just let me get dressed!” And Kai’s struck with the realisation that he’s probably going to regret this.

[bigdickmadej]

bru, give me dom!Shane headcanons pls

Long ass headcanon list with background, shyan and even shara, and all that nobody actually asked for, i’M SO SORRY– under the cut:

Background

It all started when he was having a not strings attached relationship with a woman named Hannah back in college. She loved when he got dirty and possessive, and slowly asked for more until she was explaining to him about how she loved being a sub, and she thought he had potential for domming.

At first, he just wanted to try it out because it was fun to do shit with her, but he ended up liking it a lot.

Once she invited him to the bdsm club she often went to, he thought of trying other stuff to find out if he was comfortable as a dom or could switch, or prefered to be a sub himself. Since he only dommed her, he had the doubt if it was because he liked it or because she liked it.

Still, as they were together, he didn’t try anything else and didn’t went to the club alone ever.

Eventually, they went their separate ways but are always happy to see each other at the club when he goes. She also recommended him with people from another club at LA when Hannah heard he was moving after college.

They still see each other from time to time at club parties and so. She and her current husband are golden memebers of the club, and she always invites Shane to their parties even if he doesn’t go.

College

Shane never really had a sub aside from Hannah during that time, mostly because he was busy studying and finding out what he liked.

Breaking his relationship with Hannah allowed him to have a few first of his own, like the first time he dared to go alone to the club. He stuck by the bar and agreed to fuck with another girl after talking so much with her, he actually thought nothing would happen.

After that, he went more often when he felt like he needed his mind somewhere else.

He tried a lot of kinds of dynamics as a sub, but realized he wasn’t really into that. It hardly did something for him and he just kept disappointing the person he was with. His desire for pleasing and devoting his entire body to that person and their pleasure was not the kind that works better on a sub, it made him realize he was better suited to be a dom.

So, he tried a bunch of dynamics as a dom. He def doesn’t like master/slaves dynamics, and he is so not into age play but isn’t sure why he does likes calling his sub baby girl/boy, and can take being called daddy if fitting.

He had his first boyfriend during that time but didn’t dare to bring up the idea of having a dynamic at first, the way it went down when he did made him believe maybe he shouldn’t the next time.

When it happened, it also went not okay and so, Shane decided he would keep that to himself unless he dated someone in the community. Which he did, he had a boyfriend he met at the club in Illinois and it was all good.

It only lastet a few months, though, since he then moved to L.A. and both decided to break things off before someone could get hurt. They are friendly to each other, but Shane is not sure if he is even still in the community.

General

Shane always adopts his sub’s safeword, commands and colors. Most of these are pretty standard so he finds it better that way.

Man, he is bad with dropping. He always knows what to do and how to do it, what to say and how to say it when it comes to his sub having a drop. But him? He is bad at it.

For a start, he never accepts he has one. Not sure if it’s pride or embarrassment, or just self-hate in the sense that he believes he shouldn’t be having one in the first place. He is there to make his sub feel good, he shouldn’t need comfort.

Eventually, with the right partner, he learned otherwise.

Shane’s drops are bad. He gets angry and snaps easily, and he gets annoyed easily too. He can get hurtful without even noticing.

He likes to talk about the scenes in detail, but sure as hell enjoys when he is told to improvise. He is very good at that, which has bring him good experiences.

The kind of scenes he enjoys the most are the ones where he has his sub’s body completely at his mercy. He loves kissing and sucking on skin, marking the person as his, having the space and chance to do them as he wishes and knows they enjoy the most.

While he is pretty much bisexual, Shane knows he kinda has a bit of a preference for guys. Yet, his best experiences in bdsm have always been with girls– until Ryan, that’s it.

Coming to L.A. was such a change, he didn’t visit the club Hannah recommended him during the first months. When he finally did, it was because he was too stressed and needed to get out now.

He hooked up with the same guy in there as he fit in BuzzFeed and met the people that would soon become his friends, included Ryan.

Not many people know this but most things he knows aren’t from experience but reading. He doesn’t wish to practice all the shit he knows, but he believes it’s good to be informed in case it comes in hand.

He is a kinky ass, dynamics aside. He does know he loves dirty talking, he has a thing for smaller people with big personalities that he can wreck in the best of ways, he gets off other people’s fear (not necessary at him, but if he can work a scene with such, that’s fine), being called titles and shit, he loves to eat out people– ass and pussy, he is all for it.

King of dirty talk.

Sara

He never thought he would have that with her. Never.

It happened because one day she asked him what was it about him getting hotter when she reacted to his dirty talk. He got nervous and ended up spilling too many things, finally after a long silene, he explained himself.

She seemed okay with that and that was it! But he noticed how she would let herself react so much more vocal and enthusiastic to his little instanses of dominance and dirty talk, it turned him on so much more, he wondered if it was just him going crazy.

Because he always wanted to have this with someone he loved. Shane always wondered how that would feel like, to be in love with his sub, want to worship them and please them with all he is, having that trust with the person that makes his days with the wave of their hand.

And then one day, as she was playfully nagging him in the kitchen as he finished cleaning up the dishes, she straight up puted and asked, “when are you fucking me like I know you want? I’ve been trying to put you in the mood for a month!”, she kept ramblind about how she had read little brats are a Thing and she thought he would like that, and as she kept talking about it, she didn’t saw the way he took off his watch and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt before towering in front of her and just saying “turn around”.

Poor, poor kitchen.

Their dynamic was never too hard and since it was almost a year into their relationship, it was deeper than any other Shane had before. 

Sometimes, she knew more about one thing than Shane himself, Sara kept reading and watching videos, and whatnot about things that called her attention. 

She would take these ideas to Shane later and ask if they could try and thing or two.

Lotsa dirty talk and oversensitivity.

They did A LOT of roleplay.

In fact, her favorite scene was one that lasted a week while on vacations. In it, she was Shane’s stressed and thight boss, and he was the new guy trying his best to win her over. 

Her character kept dragging him around, being mean and bossy until he realized what she needed and was able to take control for her. 

It was Banging Town for two days as the great finale.

His was one she planned all on her own for his birthday. 

She did a treasure hunting around all their favorite places in the city while texting him dirty pics of herself, the praize was her in the cutest sexy kitten lingerie/costume waiting for him on a fancy room of a fancy hotel where she would be his personal pleasure doll for the rest of the night and part of the morning. 

Boy, that was good.

God, Shane felt like dying every time he had her body against his. She was so fucking small, he just ksjnfmdksmdmsdmf.

Once, he made her come just from dirty talking. He’s very proud about it.

He took Sara to a party at the club, but even though they didn’t have any problems around, she confessed to not be much into it, so they never went again. Shane didn’t visit the club while with her, only that one time.

They never had a drop, but after they parted ways, Shane had a very bad one that ended in him telling someone about his practices.

Ryan

That someone was one very surprised, frustrated, amused and pining Ryan B*rgar*.

Shane hates the way Ryan found out. 

When they first met, he had the biggest crush on him but knew nothing would come out of it. Ryan was with someone and many things were unspoken back then, hell– he wasn’t even sure they were going to be friends. 

Ryan means so much to him, he truly hates the way things went when it comes to this theme.

He mourned his lost relationship mostly alone, but he always had this ray of sunshine following him around and asking shit. It annoyed him at times, but slowly made him realize he couldn’t do this by himself, and that’s how it actually began.

Shane has known Ryan is also a kinky ass, maybe even more than him, for a while. 

He knows Ryan has a thing for dominant people, the first thing he thought of him was “this dude is getting pegged” and when he met Ryan’s ex, “oh, he IS getting pegged”. 

Never had the means to find out and he’s respectful enough to shut up when in time the man became his friend. But dude. He is all for this potential.

As he healed, Ryan’s curiosity had started to put ideas in his head. The man keeps asking stuff, and Shane knows he is making his own researches. 

When one day he tells Shane he Did Something during his weekend and his heart aches, Shane realizes his feelings have come back.

With a fucking vengance, since he can’t stop thinking about his friend and all the possibilities.

They get into a romantic relationship first, Shane is sure they are going fast but at the same time it feels right. It feels like this is mean to happen, it’s the natural thing for them, and he has never felt that with a partner before.

One day, Ryan accidentally sees Shane’s invitation for Hannah and husband’s party in Illinois. The invitation is very… odd. It was golden and it called Ryan’s attention right away. As Shane explains what it is, Ryan gets enough corage to tell him he would like to go.

It was a great experience for both, not to mention the months before the party were filled with fun explorations and more.

Shane felt like this helped them bond deeper, since Ryan seemed to like the experience and said he would like to visit the club Shane attends in L.A.

After that, Hannah makes sure to invite them every year.

They had so much fun chosing a safeword and code, Shane helping Ryan learn about colors, the kind of dynamics there are, his two little rules, planning their first attempt at a scene. 

It was something pretty standard and soft compared with other shit Shane has done, but man– it was them, this was Ryan, and it was perfect in his book.

He knows it probably wasn’t, Ryan is constantly saying he regrets having used his safe word in the first time, while Shane keeps calling him out about it, saying how it’s important that he uses it every time he needs it.

Still, it was so good– and many others followed.

Ryan is different from all the other people Shane has been with and has practiced this with. 

He is needy but strong, he is vocal and loves to be held, he loves being taken care of. 

At the same time, he knows and is sure of what he wants, after a while he learned to ask for it and will willingly do as said in order to get it. 

He loves being a good boy, and he will be bad when he needs it, and his consent is always so enthusiastic and happy, It overwhelmed Shane at first, but always in a good way. 

Shane is so enamored with him, it feels like this will be the best of his life.

It costed Ryan a little to let go of a few things. Like the way he sometimes would drop because he refused aftercare or how whiny he would get when Shane didn’t want to do so and so. 

Mostly, Shane refuses to hurt him and sometimes it drives Ryan crazy because, “I’m not made of glass, Shane”. Eventually, they would learn how to balance this and find a middle ground where both can enjoy things.

Ryan’s favorite scenes are the ones that involve sensory deprivation, especially of his sight. And the ones involving fear. His fear kink is so prominent, Shane wonders how the FUCK he didn’t realize before.

This, of course, gets them into very interesting territories and explorations at locations or at their hotel room after a fright night for Ryan.

They have a recurrent one in which Shane is an actual demon and it turns on Ryan so much, Shane is surprised to find out it turns him on like fucking hell.

He has gotten creative with this one, from just dialogues and some sort of backstory they did together, to make up and props, and costumes, and whatever is necessary to make the atmosphere in their room to be more demon-y-like.

They have the “Kinky Room”, as Shane calls it, on their apartment when they move in together. It’s just kinda the guest room, they just fill it with their toys and other stuff that helps with scenes when in The Mood.

Once in the mood, it’s almost impossible to get them out of it. Shane is better at putting a pause, and he always helps Ryan through it.

MAN, SUBSPACE. Shane is sure he has never seen something so beautiful as Ryan in subspace.

His aftercare when this happens is always the sweetest, Ryan can’t hide how much he loves it.

Shane always asks him to describe to him how he feels when he comes back from the high.

It often leans to them having some sleep and waking up to make love. Soft and slow, really loving.

The first time Shane had a drop while with Ryan, the man was so ready for it, it had a bad effect on him. It made him feel like if Ryan thought he was such a bad dom, he would have a drop sooner or later.

Once he calmed down and talked to Ryan, Shane apologized and tried his best to understand his sub also takes care of him, because this is a mutual thing.

He doesn’t drop often, can go actual years without one. But it��s a good thing he has such a prepared and sweet sub.

Ryan’s drop aren’t often either, but they were at the beginning. Shane is so good at taking care of him, it made Ryan realize he wanted to be with this man for the rest of his life.

Like the saps they are, they have a recurrent fantasy in which they are different people for their anniversary. Ryan is a dentist that just realized he is into men and doesn’t have many experience (lmao, college ‘come in me, bro’ frat Ryan has to laugh) and Shane is a lonely history professor with a kinky side.

They both know is the most vanilla shit in the world and YET, they love it so much, they are always excited about it as the day approaches.

It also always ends in them laughing in bed, an aftercare for the two of them that always has them in a good mood the next morning.

No matter how kinky they can get the night before, they always make sweet, sweet love in the morning the next day.

Punishments are such a thing with them because Ryan loves challenging Shane and sometimes he just wants to be treated hard. He loves the pain in a very different way from Shane.

There’s a lot of spanking to the point Ryan’s ass and thighs are bruised for days. The aftercare for these moments is always long and filled with a lot of love. 

But Shane’s punishment of choice is edging. In many, many ways. Pure torture as he has Ryan naked and tied to the bed or a chair, jerking him off to almost coming, then leaving without a single word. Blowing him, eating him out, fucking him, then leaving when he is almost there. 

Cock rings, plugs, bullet vibrators, vibrators with remote controlers– and Ryan loves all of it.

He would make Ryan walk with a vibrator up his ass for an entire week without letting him rub off one, he can’t come, can’t touch himself, and Shane is not touching him– but he is touching Shane. Of course, those are the most amazing Sundays ever. 

Sometimes Shane feels guilty, so Ryan always does his fucking best to remind him he wanted this and he is happy because of it, because Shane makes him happy.

Whipping is also a thing that happens, it drives Ryan crazy.

Lotsa marking and possessiveness during sex. Shane gets off so much on the idea that Ryan is his and he is Ryan’s, it’s a blessing Ryan feels the same way and is often begging to be his.

The way Ryan begs driver Shane crazy.

He would do anything for Ryan, so having him wanting to give hismelf like this, wanting Shane to have him, take care of him, love him whole and as he deserves? The Dream.

Shane is constantly calling Ryan sweet names. His favorites are baby, sweetheart and angel. 

Ryan is his “gorgeous angel”, and it sometimes play so good with their demon fantasy.

Once Ryan confesed he loved being called sweet names by Shane, he decided he would never stop.

Sometimes he would call him baby boy and prince.

When he calls Ryan ‘little guy’ or ‘little prince’, the man always reacts by moaning louder or melting against his chest, it’s amazing.

Ryan always refers to him as ‘sir’ and by his name during scenes. Sometimes he uses ‘Mr. Madej’ and when fitting, daddy.

The daddy kink thing was something that just happened.

When they talked about it, they ended up laughing so much, they realized it wasn’t really an issue.

None is into age play, though. Ryan just likes being called sweet things and taken care of, it just slips out of him.

When he is way too turned on, he switches from english to spanish, and spanish to english. So Shane is either called daddy or papi, and he loves both.

Doesn’t matter if they get old and rusty, being connected through this, loving each other like this, trusting each other like they do will always be an important and loving aspect of their relationship for both of them.

[moonlightsdreaming]

GOOD THINGS FOR APRIL 1ST, 2019:

The extended school scene from Ant-Man and the Wasp is such a great epitome of what this movie was and why I enjoyed it so much.  I love that Hope and Hank, two characters who could often come across as joyless because they’re so serious and so angry about some of the things that have happened, still find time to find genuine amusement and it’s not really even that mean.  Combine it with Scott being genuinely good-natured and everyone’s stellar performances and I would watch so, so many of these movies.        Bonus side notes:  Hank and Hope’s relationship is so good in the movie, they really did work some shit out and I feel like this movie really got the balance of Hope being the badass that should be taking center stage versus that it’s still somewhat Scott’s story and they need the extra help, even though she’s clearly better at this, he’s got certain skills and they all balance each other.

New Buzzfeed Unsolved - True Crime episode!  Checking Ryan’s twitter, it looks like they are doing Postmortems this season, but that the one for s05e01 has some issues that keep happening.  It felt like the hiatus was really, really long this last time around, so I’m glad to see the show is back, and I really had a fun time watching it.  The chemistry of the hosts, the structure of the show (I don’t find it scary, but I like horror, so I may not be the best judge), all of it continues to be just as charming as when they started!  I know it’s probably got to be getting kind of boring for Ryan and Shane, but I am so not at all bored by this show yet, it still is just as wonderful to watch as ever.

Santa Clarita Diet season 3 came out and I totally mainlined it in two days because it, too, is just as fun as when it started.  The cast all has magnificent chemistry with each other, but also it’s another show where everyone is by and large such a good person when you get to know them, that the places everyone is coming from are ones that care.  Joel and Sheila (Tim Olyphant and Drew Barrymore, the main couple of the show) are absolutely #RelationshipGoals, like genuinely they are a wonderful couple and I love love love how much they are delighted by each other, how they work as a team and genuinely want to be around each other, as well as their relationship with their daughter Abby, how they tease and joke, but it’s never attacking her self-esteem, as well as they make it clear they love her and will be there when she needs them, and ultimately the storyline with s3 Abby is about listening to who she is, rather than who they want her to be, and it’s just SO GOOD, even on top of the hilarity of all the shit that happens because Sheila’s undead.      The only warning I would give is that there’s a mild amount of gore (especially early on) because, you know, undead people, and it can be kind of stressful (but it’s a show where I trust things to be worked out), otherwise, I genuinely laugh out loud at least once per episode, and I’m just AWWWWW EVERYONE HERE IS PRECIOUS I LOVE YOU ALL about the entire cast.

GOOD THINGS FOR APRIL 2ND, 2019:

My Little Pony season 9 comes back on April 6th!  The ending of this show (as this is the last season) hurts a little less because we have so

many good cartoons, especially cartoons for girls, but I’m still going to miss it.  It really helped pave the way for me to get back into enjoying something lighter and happier, especially once they added Starlight Glimmer (who I can relate to even more than the Mane Six in some ways), I feel like that’s when the show really got back on track for me and I’ve loved it since.

Bob’s Burgers has been a show that I’ve loved for awhile, but lately it’s really become one of my go-to happy places.  It’s just such a weird but happy family and there are so many genuinely hilarious moments and it’s always stunning to me how good-natured and good-hearted the show is, how much it genuinely seems to care and promote people being good, while never feeling like it crosses the preachy line.  It just really makes me happy.

Star Wars: Galaxy of Adventures is an absolute fuckin’ joy, it takes moments from the OT and even a bit of the PT, animated by Titmouse studio, and they’re AWESOME.  They’re either entirely epic or delightfully ridiculous or sometimes both and the animation is absolutely stunning.  Listen, I will FIGHT THE INTERNET that the Forces of Destiny shorts are fantastic, but they’re a different thing, and I love that we get to have BOTH series.  And I would love to see Titmouse animate something original instead of reimagining scenes from the movies, though, that’d probably be HELLISHLY expensive.

I meant to start posting these yesterday, but this cold (in combination with shark week) has been kicking my ass, so it’s both tonight instead!

[gdiwes]

I don’t, like, EVER write shit about Real People but these Demon!Shane headcanons and memes got me LIVING so I jumped on the train LOL Some of these are my friend’s ideas cuz I was screaming to her and she was kind enough to A) tolerate me and B) bounce back LOL

Anyway they’re all below the cut cuz it’s LONG.

It’s like some Lucifer level shit. Shane’s a high-level demon who just got tired/bored and came to the mortal realm to dick around. 

That being said, him being on Buzzfeed Unsolved is just to check up on other demons/ghouls/ghosts and keep them in line lol 

To be honest, Shane being a high-level demon is the reason Ryan “Spirit Magnet” Bergara doesn’t actually have anything happen to him while they’re out demon hunting. 

Most demons are actually HIGHKEY scared of Shane Madej. And because Ryan is friends with him then he ALSO must be terrifying since Nobody has managed to “”””befriend””””” Shane, even in Hell. 

The truth is, Ryan just doesn’t know Shane’s a demon. 

Ryan: “I've lived my life with one attage: don't fuck with demons." Shane, cackling to himself: “I'm aboutta ruin this whole man's career.”

Demons have spread the incorrect name “Ryan Boogara” around. Half the time demons say "Boogara" with awe and scorn because Shane is friends with him and he's not terrified. They wish they could stand where this Mere Fucking Mortal stands, like, even the WORST, MOST POWERFUL demons don’t have Shane’s respect. And the other half demons/ghosts shakily whisper "Boogara" on the wind in pure terror because “wow that's a Human that somehow tolerates Shane Madej. Clearly he must be the most wretched and terrifying humanity has to offer, especially because Shane hasn’t murdered him yet.” 

That also being said, most demons/ghosts/ghouls don’t wanna fuck with Ryan solely because they know Shane will probably give them a fate worse than death if they hurt him. 

Also some demons assume that Shane is using Ryan as a spirit magnet to lure them to him so he can kill them, bUT THAT WON’T WORK ON US!!

What Shane says: “Demons aren’t real.” What he means: “They’re too cowardly to fuck with me.”

Every time Ryan gives some gruesome details of a murder or haunting and Shane says “oh, I love that,” it just reminds every ghoul and demon in the surrounding vicinity how terrible Shane can actually be. 

An actual conversation between ghosts before the spirit box is busted out: "Hey, I dare you to talk to Shane Madej over the spirit box." "Are you fucking kidding he's gonna kill my entire ass for the second time.” "Come on, it'll be funny, it'll freak out the little one." "BRUH. ARE YOU CRAZY. YOU KNOW NOT TO MESS WITH THE LITTLE ONE.”

Shane honestly hates the spirit box. Other demons make themselves known and he’s here like “what the FUCK are you doing my guy.” This why he’s always like "Imma spook ‘em good" whenever they bust it out lol

He does like that one spirit that said apple taters tho. Also the spirit that said spaghetti. 

If spirits play music through the box it’s an offering to Shane, like some Axe Man Jazz level shit LOL This was not his decree tho. 

Part of Shane’s reasoning for coming to the mortal plane is because he’s never actually been haunted, cuz yanno, he’s a demon, and he thinks it would be fun. All the demons that could potentially do that are too scared of him to do it.

And it's like some of the higher demons are like “we can't take him back he is chaos incarnate, he Will Kill.” and the others are like “look, we like to torment humanity but we gotta bring him back, this is too much.”

"What? They love him up there?? What the fuck is wrong with humans in this day and age????”

“He made a FRIEND????” 

Some episode specific stuff: 

"I have a vial of holy water, what do you got?" "Me." All demons in the surrounding area: *quaking* He-- yeah Boogara, he sure does!

Shit affecting Shane (like goosebumps and chills) but he's surprised because it's his mortal case reacting and not actually him as a demon lmao

Shane: “Whaddup demons, it’s me. Ya boi.” Half of Hell that respects him: “EEYEYYYYEY IT’S YA BOI SHANE WHADDUP BRO EEYYYYY!!!!!” Other half of Hell that utterly fears him: “oOOHh ohh MY  g o D IT’s SHaN e O H NO oO O FU CKING  FRUN —“ 

Shane telling the Goatman "this is my bridge now!" and Goatman's like "YO FUCK DUDE I HEARD A' YOU, YOU CAN HAVE IT—“

Annabelle being like "I'll kill you Shane" and there's like nine other demons they've encountered in the BG screaming "NOOOO YOU FUCKIN CAN'T HE WASN'T KIDDING ABOUT TRAPPING YOU IN HIS RIBCAGE.”

When Shane asked if she would kill Ryan, she only hesitated because the other demons almost managed to dissuade her.

Annabelle, Matilda, and Sally's demons all getting together in hell or something after their eps like "hollllyyyy shit guys how the FUCK did he find us up here. WHO RELEASED HIM. WHO DID THIS.” And all three of them are actually terrified. 

In the La Llorona episode when Ryan said “I only know one demon” and looked at Shane, Shane genuinely thought Ryan knew. Ryan, however, did not actually know, and still does not. 

Shane could show off his super-human strength, but knowing thousands of people watch Buzzfeed Unsolved and he doesn’t want to blow his cover, he won’t. This is why he couldn’t crush the apple and just threw it that one time. 

Legitimately though, he was impressed watching Andrew split an apple in half bare-handed. 

The fact that Shane and Ryan both freaked out because of bees and spiders has convinced a good chunk of Hell’s population that those two insects are even worse than the Ghoul Boys and should not be trifled with. They leave them alone most of the time. 

[purplesurveys]

483

Is there a bus stop near your house?: No, buses don’t stop around my area and I only ever see them on EDSA, which is like the main highway of Metro Manila.

Do you prefer red wine or white wine?: I hate the shit out of wine but if I absolutely had to drink some, it has to be red. And it has to be more sweet than bitter.

What’s the last airport you were at? Why were you there?: NAIA. I’m literally at the Starbucks right across the airport right now because my mom is arriving from Hong Kong in an hour and I have to pick her up. 

Who do you live with?: I live with my family. That’s a mom, a dad, a brother, a sister, a cat, and a dog.

Do you read reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like?: Yessssss all the time. I always browse through the Popular filter since it already compiles the best recent posts, but I’m a huge fan of the r/AmITheAsshole subreddit. People who turn out to be the assholes are hilaaaaarious.

Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend?: No. I ‘broke up’ with Aya as a friend when she was being abusive to Jo, but she’s since started working on getting better and has apologized to our friend group, so she’s back on my good side.

What’s the weather like today? Is it nice enough to go outside?: It’s 29ºC. I’m glad we’re not in the 30s, but I don’t appreciate how warm it still is.

Do you know anyone who’s had a baby recently?: As far as I know, no.

Have you used a pen or pencil today? What did you write down?: [continued from earlier because I had to pick my mom up lmao] Yes, I used a pen today. It was to write my name on a requirement that I needed to submit to complete my class.

What does your last text message say and who is it from?: "Can I call?” from my girlfriend.

Can you count how many times you’ve seen your favourite film?: Must be near a hundred. I talked about this in a recent survey but there was a time I watched Two for the Road everyday for like 2-3 months. I still make it a point to watch it several times a year. 

When was the last time you ate marshmallows?: I have no idea. I don’t like marshmallows; I’ve always hated the texture.

Do you listen to any podcasts? How do you listen to them?: Uhhh no, not really. If I REALLY REALLY like the guest, I’ll sometimes listen to Colt Cabana’s Art of Wrestling or Chris Jericho’s Talk is Jericho. But other than that, I’d rather watch YouTube videos.

How old will you be in the year 2030?: 32.

How often does the kettle in your house get used?: My mom never got one.

Does your skin bruise easily? Do you have any bruises right now? What from?: Yep, super. I don’t have a bruise right now but I do have a mysterious cut below my right knee. Have absolutely no idea where it came from, but apparently whatever cut it cut it deep and it hurts.

What was the last thing you spent $150 or more on?: I’ve never spent that amount of money on anything.

Do you prefer yes or no questions or more open-ended questions?: Open-ended. If I sense that a survey is becoming too yes-or-no I usually quit it halfway; it’s too boring.

What brand of toilet paper do you usually buy?: My mom buys the toiletries so I’m not aware of what brands she gets.

If I knocked on your door right now, would you be acceptable dressed?: Yes. I just got home and haven’t changed out of my jumpsuit.

Why did you leave your last job?: Never had one.

What colour were the last socks you wore?: It’s like a faded green.

Are you studying currently? What level of education and what do you study?: Yep! I’m an incoming senior in my BA in Journalism.

Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying?: No, that’s terrible.

What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?: Probably something from Buzzfeed Unsolved cause I’ve been rewatching it lately.

What’s your favourite scent of air freshener?: Meh, I prefer the natural car smell. Scents make me dizzy.

How many weddings have you ever been to?: Four, I think. All of those when I was a kid; I haven’t been to a wedding since 2007.

Do you know anyone named Nora?: I don’t think so.

Are your hands and feet in good condition or could you do with a mani-pedi? My fingernails can be trimmed, but it’s not like a mess or anything. When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play?: We played a math version of Scrabble when we stayed over at Laurice’s house. I’ve never seen a game like it before lmfaaaaao it was so intense.

Have you ever been to a festival for beer or other type of alcohol?: Nope. I don’t think that would be my kind of scene, either.

Do you own a record player and/or vinyls?: I don’t have a record player so I don’t have vinyls.

When was the last time you went out for drinks?: Third week of May. Have you ever been to a strip club?: NO I really want to go to one though.

What’s your favourite kind of smoothie?: I don’t take smoothies.

Do you know anyone with a ‘virtue name’? (Google it): Hmm I don’t think so, but I know someone who wants to name their kid Prudence.

Would you ever wear real authentic leather?: Never.

Have you taken out the trash today?: Nope, I don’t do that around the house. How often do you wear make-up?: Very seldom. I had my face made up several times over the last few months because Kate sometimes gets bored and she’d want to give me a makeover, but other than that, I rarely get my face done for events.

What’s your opinion on The Simpsons?: I have a very soft spot for that episode where Homer sits on the hood of his car and looks at the stars after he separated from his mom. I don’t keep track of the rest of the show.

Do you prefer horizontal or vertical stripes?: Horizontal. I don’t think I’ve ever worn vertical ones before.

What’s your favourite brand of deodorant/antiperspirant?: I don’t have a favorite.

Do you know anyone who has been through a divorce?: No. We don’t have divorce in the Philippines. So it’s not because all the couples I know are staying strong – it’s literally because no one is allowed to divorce by law.

If you had the money, would you take taxis everywhere instead of driving?: No, taxi drivers can be creepy. I’d rather drive by myself.

Have you ever done a juice cleanse?: Nope. I don’t need it.

Do you have any friends who you can’t decide if they’re attractive or not?: HAHAHAHAHA WTF, that’s so messed up and such a shitty thing to do. Is the inside of your fridge clean right now or does it need a clean out?: It’s always clean. My mom doesn’t let any spot in the house go messy for long.

When was the last time you washed the dishes?: This morning before I left the house.

Are there any magazines that you read on a regular basis?: Nope, I haven’t read one in months.

Do you have to pay for parking in most places in the town/city you live in?: No, not in Antipolo. That’s why I love it here. Once I get to the city though we do have to pay for everything, yes.

What’s the first thing you tend to do when you have a headache?: Take a Biogesic. Takes it out immediately.

Tell me about your responsibilities at work.: I don’t have a legit job yet, but at my latest internship I did news monitoring, press releases, research, and made briefing forms for the media.

Can you hear lots of traffic from your house? Does it bother you?: No. I live in a gated subdivision so it is very quiet here. Have you ever had proper Canadian poutine with the squeaky cheese?: I have never tried poutine, what a damn shame. I wish I can encounter a restaurant that serves it cause it looks SO GOOD. Canadian cuisine is not very prominent here though so idk when I can ever get an authentic serving of poutine :(

Do your parents know how to operate smartphones and/or computers?: My dad is very techy, more so than me. My mom uses her phone for her Facebook and camera and nothing else. She still asks me to Google stuff for her even if her Chrome app is right beside Facebook.

How old are your parents, anyway?: My mom and dad are both 1971 babies so they are turning 48 this year.

Are you allergic to anything? What do you have to do to prevent them?: No. My skin can get very allergic to the environment (especially if it’s humid), but it’s not an allergy or anything.

What song is stuck in your head at the moment?: I haven’t been thinking of a song.

Do you hate it when people try really hard, or do you kinda like it?: Idk how to feel about them...like sometimes I’d think it’s hilarious but other times I’d feel sorry and just cringe. But I’m certain I don’t hate it.

What’s your boss’ first name? Do you call him/her by that name?: My boss at internship is named Dessa. I call her that but I address her with Ms. before her name too so that it’s respectful.

When was the last time you wore a uniform of any kind? What colour was it? I wore my old school uniform last year for funsies because I spotted it in our storage closet and felt a little nostalgic. No reason to wear it, just wanted to mess around. The blouse ws white, the necktie and skirt are plaid.

Do you complete a survey before taking this one? Will you take one after?: No. After this, I’m torn among a) getting a midnight snack, b) taking another survey, and c) watching RuPaul’s Drag Race since I started getting into it last night, hahaha. Have you ever lost enough weight to drop a dress size?: I probably have, except I wasn’t actively trying to achieve that.

What’s your favourite kind of bread?: White and brioche.

When was the last time you got pizza? What toppings did you get?: Last Thursday. We got a cheese pizza and a barbecue chicken pizza.

Do you own Monopoly? Is it the original or a special version?: We don’t. I don’t know how to play Monopoly haha it always seemed just so boring to me.

What was the last thing you said out loud?: "Whatcha doing?”

You have to choose one: cats or dogs?: Dogs.

Would someone being either a cat or dog person affect you dating them?: It probably would. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who wants to own a cat with me. I love cats but I would never want them as a pet.

How do you travel to and from work?: I drive myself always. I don’t work yet, though.

Do you primarily use cash or card for your purchases? Why?: Cash, because I don’t have a card.

Have you ever been to a stadium concert?: I’ve been to arena concerts, if they mean the same thing lmao.

[spoopybruh]

Taking Risks

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series) Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej Characters: Ryan Bergara, Shane Madej

Summary: Events were predictable, people are not. That’s why Shane’s fears usually center around the ever changing nature of others. The what ifs. Non-constants. He’s taken precautions in establishing a tolerance of sorts towards such kerfuffle but there will always be times he has to risk it for the biscuit. He takes a chance on one Ryan Bergara. 

They were in the middle of a long drive home when Shane decides to break the comfortable silence.

“So,” His tone is light despite the severity of his admission, hand gliding against the curve of the steering wheel to steady his stream of thoughts. He sees his companion lift his attention off the screen of his phone and stop tapping on what undoubtedly was another list of haunted locations they could get visiting permissions for. “I may or may not feel things differently than most people do.”

That understandably evokes an unimpressed sound from Ryan and a brief crinkling of his nose before he replies. “Yeah no shit, Sherlock. You were the one who laughed at public executions.”

“I didn’t laugh at the public executions, Ryan. They get breakfast at execution events! It’s like going to Disneyland and getting a little restaurant seat so they can watch a parade.” Even thinking about it draws chuckles from him. “How can people not find that hilarious?” Morbid for sure. But there’s still something funny about the whole juxtaposition of how things went back then. It’s easy to just drop the subject. To let the natural flow of their bantering continue in a way that leaves the insides of his chest light with contentment. And for a few moments, he’s tempted to do just so. Yet if he does, he’ll probably never speak of this again. “No. I mean…I don’t feel things when I should be.”

“What? Like being afraid of reasonable shit instead of someone randomly running up to you and injecting you with heroin?”

“Hey! It could happen! That’s a reasonable fear.” The tight band of anticipation eases with each chuckle that’s forced out of him. Shane turns a corner. Regroups. “No, it’s not that. I meant stuff like empathy.”

He feels, more than sees, Ryan’s eyebrows rise several notches. It’s three tense heartbeats later that his companion’s furiously racing mind finally finds enough coherence to spit a reply back at Shane.

“So…you’re saying that you’re someone who doesn’t…care about anyone or anything? Sorry I know this sounds bad and I’m not trying to be an asshole or anything but what are you getting at here?” Shane could see the grimace on Ryan’s face the moment he vocalises his words and he takes comfort in the fact that this is as equally awkward for him as it is for Shane. At the very least, Ryan’s not acting all freaked out. That would have been hurtful.

The lankier of the duo takes another deep breath to brace himself. “Well it’s not like I don’t feel anything.It’s just….harder. I don’t care about most things, especially if they don’t pertain to people in my own social circle and stuff like that. I just care about some things.” His gaze darts with purpose to rest on his companion for a few brief seconds before he turns his attention to the road again. “Some people. And I pretend to care about other things to be, you know, polite.”

That draws an ‘Oh’ out of Ryan. And if Shane looks just a little bit harder to see his expression under the dim lighting of the setting sun, he swears he could make out a ruddier colour staining the cheeks of his friend. But that’s something to read into for the future. Hopefully. It’s curious how it’s easier now once he forced his way through. Not the finding the right words part. Just the being able to continue part. Then again, that’s his problem. Finding the right words to things. “The thing I have. Makes it harder for me to find the right words to say or find the right things to do. Because I don’t process things the way other people do. I don’t feel shit the same way, I guess. Like- Like say maybe an animal died or something like that. I know that it’s probably a heartbreaking thing to people because they, you know, react in a certain way. And I try to uh. It’s like shitting for the bit. I take it as a cue and just kind of lay it out there, follow their example and carry it through. Without necessarily feeling the same emotion. Do I want the animal to die? No. I’m just not bummed out over it. But not everything’s as clear cut as that so it’s difficult for me to know how I’m supposed to react.”

Ryan’s inhale is sharp but Shane doesn’t turn to look at him. He has no way of anticipating the expression on his face and maybe that’s better that way. When Ryan speaks, it’s with a quiet wonder. As if everything somehow made sense now. “You do that. You take a while to come up with shit to say sometimes, I’ve seen your face when you try to phrase things carefully.

For the first time since the entire conversation, it’s Shane’s turn to be surprised. “I make faces for that? Is it obvious that I’m doing it?”

“No no!” He’s somewhat mollified at Ryan’s scrambling to assure him. “It’s not obvious. Only when it’s this close.” A hand bumps against his shoulder lightly when Ryan gestured to their proximity. “Only when people squint really hard and you know, I’ve had to look at your ugly face for far too often.”

A good to honest laugh slips from Shane at the good-natured ribbing. “You like my ugly face. You said faces like mine are attractive with the whole Cumberbatch story.”

“Yeah but that doesn’t change the fact that you’ve got a strange face.” They both fell silent yet again. Three bus stops were driven past before Ryan pipes up once more with another question. “So do you…do you think it’s some kind of uh.” Shane catches him gesticulating out of his peripheral vision. “Do you think it’s some kind of mental thing? Are you..god why is this is so difficult- are you, are you a sociopath or something? Does that make you one?”

His struggling has Shane snorting with amusement. Ryan’s struggling almost always does. This time round, he takes mercy on the both of them and decides to cooperate.

“That’s not the right term and too media cliche-y but I suppose it puts me somewhere on the spectrum. We’re not sure yet. My therapist and I- we’re figuring it out.”

Ryan seems to think that as a satisfactory answer because he nods and settled down once again, though Shane doesn’t have to be a mind reader to feel the cogs in his brain practically working on overtime to process the information he’d been given. “I don’t know what to say to that, man. That’s some heavy stuff. Uh…Thank you? For telling me that. You didn’t have to say it and all but I guess, thanks.”

“Wait, just like that?”

“Yeah, just like that. What else am I supposed to say? It’s strange to me, obviously. But you’ve always been strange. You made the whole stupid Hot dog thing for god’s sake. So this is odd but I’m not gonna judge you for it anymore than I judge your hot daga story. Unless you start killing people and shit. Which you’re not, are you?” The joke’s a morbid one and Ryan’s squinting his eyes at him for comical effect. It shouldn’t make him snort but it does. Shane rolled his eyes briefly at him in return.

“No, of course not. I mean I’ve thought about it. But who honestly can’t say they’ve never thought about running people over when they cut you off in traffic. Besides, you’ve threatened to kill me multiple times. Just because I’ve thought about it doesn’t mean I wanna do it. Everyone’s capable of doing stuff like that, with or without being on the spectrum.”

“Not a particularly comforting thought to mention when you’re currently the one driving but right, that’s fair.” They broke off into bouts of snickering again. Though the next question Ryan asked hits a little too close to home. “So. Have you uh…Have you hurt anyone because of this? Unintentionally or not.” The latter part is hastily added.

"Wow loaded question there.” His fingers twitched briefly. Shane releases a heavy breath. “No? At least not that I know of. Sometimes I don’t realise- wait fuck.” Frustration mars his features. It’d be easy to get away with it if he expressed that he isn’t aware he’d hurt people because he doesn’t mean to. It’d be easy to paint himself in a better light. A more acceptable one. It’d be easier if he pretended to feel some modicum of regret. But that would also defeat the entire purpose of this whole talk he started. This is Ryan. He’s not going to use that sort of information against him- he has no definite proof anyways. Ryan’s better than that. Better in ways Shane sometimes wishes he could emulate. He’s not the type of person to be an asshole like that.

“Sorry I’m….embellishing. Let me try again.” Another deep breath. He forces himself to relax his grip on the steering wheel. Since when did he tense up? “I have. Sometimes it’s unintentional. Sometimes…I have this impulse, you see? I don’t mean for it to be there but it just is. I have this impulse to do or say things just to see how people would react to them. Just to see how far I can push them before they…respond. Not because I want to hurt them, it’s just…I wanted to know what they’re like. How they think. How they feel. How they respond to things. I was curious.” His lips twisted into a grimace. “That impulse makes me inconsiderate sometimes and I’m working on it. I’ve been working on it for years.”

It’s just like what he does. Shutting Ryan in spooky places for longer on purpose. Pretending to sleep so he could watch him get gradually more and more frightened during the rare occasions they’d stay for a sleepover at whatever haunted location. Rationalise away everything when he gets too scared and persisting until he gets annoyed but never too much. He just wants to know, wants to see how far he can push the boundary without having Ryan experience a nervous breakdown. That’s just…how he is.

“I’m generally good at controlling that impulse. And doing our show…helps in a weird way.” Because he could give in to that impulse within limits instead of suppressing it. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t do things on purpose from time to time but….I don’t want to. Not with you. I’ll mess up once in a while though.”

That’s truthfully the only thing Shane could give as an answer. “I’m not saying that you’ve got to feel like you need to accept that or something. I’m just..it’s just gonna happen. Especially when I feel like I’m in trouble or someone does something exceptionally shitty.” He feels hollowed out for some reason. A kind of exhaustion that sinks into even his bones. Ryan doesn’t have to ask him but Shane knows that he’s probably wondering why. Why now? Why tell him?

“I just wanted to let you know.” That impulse. Again, that impulse. But he’s not lying when he said he wanted Ryan to know. “If there was anyone I wanted to know about this, besides my family and therapist, it’d be you.”

Now he’s done it. Thrown everything right there out in the open. Kicked the door off it’s hinges and yelled at spooky bois that are even spookier than the non-existent spooky bois they’re searching for. The ball is now in Ryan’s court.

As it turns out, he doesn’t have long to wait.“Yeah because I’m the only one who can handle your shit and dish it back to you. I’d be old and greying and I’d still kick your ass when you’re being a dick.” He feels the heat of Ryan’s palm before it descended against his shoulder in a slap. Except it stays there for a moment longer, closing in a firm squeeze.

The breathe caught in his throat eases in shaky sputters.

“Alright, so after we’ve gotten this ‘moment’ out of the way and we’ve established that I’ll still kick your ass regardless, can we at least stop by for food? I swear if I have to sit another hour longer waiting for this stupid traffic to hurry up, I’m going to lose my shit.”

Another snort of amusement escaped Shane. Typical Ryan. Quick to irritate and and straightforward, but also refreshingly capable of wading through everything in stride even if it’s out of his depth. This…this is okay. This is better than okay.

“Yeah I can do that.”

A pause.

“Sour Puss Bergara.”

“Shut up, Shane.”

Additional Note: This is a coping fic I’ve written to get some closure for myself and I’d like to thank the writers who placed in genuine effort to thoughtfully write about Shane with AS/PD. I personally am someone who’s on the spectrum and that’s not something I would ever be able to share with anyone in my own social circle. This is as close I’ll ever be able to get to acceptance. Now for the sake of accuracy and to avoid taking too much liberties, I’ll say that in this story, Shane’s on the spectrum like myself instead.

[rohobi]

Serendipity 02| (M)

pairing— jeon jungkook x reader, friendwithbenefitsAU  genre/warnings— smut, fluff, slight angst, swearing words—5, 021 ↳ CHAPTERS → CHAPTER 3

chapter 2 summary: ❝You set up camp in the pits of hell using the knowledge you gained from self-help magazines when Jungkook asks you a thought provoking question that might just change your entire relationship. ❞

“Yoongi, listen to this,” you clear your throat, prepared to read out the most ridiculous thing you had ever seen since you saw that dumbass Jungkook mazz off to a drought inducing porno. “Do you know Big John?”

Yoongi looks up from his book. “No, should I?”

“Well, put your belt on then. I’m about to take you on a crazy ride Min Yoongi’” you clear your throat, readjusting yourself against Jungkook’s headboard. “Big John is a 25 year old Pornstar from America and says he got into porn because “it became an outlet for the struggles of my reality and the idea of submerging myself into a world that both pays the bills and liberates me, is pretty fucking awesome.” When he isn’t gallivanting in the art of the clitoris, he dabbles in anal play in the neighbourhood boys series voted for best orgy series in the 2016 AVN awards.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Yoongi stares blankly at you. “I thought you weren’t interested in sex or pornstars?”

“First of all, pornstars have the most interesting lives but let me tell you the rest before I go into it Yoongi. John here, is pretty new to the biz but states that among his favourite scenes, the one he did with Ellen Love called “Eat, suck, fuck.” was the most invigorating experience he has ever had. Lucky live viewers watched Ellen, AVN 2017 Performer of the year, give the 6-foot 2 beast a blow job while eating a banana nutella sandwich. John recalls that his interest in food kink is a direct result of that particular scene. Next on the cards, John says, “I want to work more with kink. I think it’s great I can have a chance to really explore myself and to liberate these chains that try to control me.”

Jungkook opens his door with his foot, carrying both his laptop and a bowl of chips into his room. “What are you saying about blow jobs and food?” he asks, putting his computer on the bed and the bowl of chips on the night stand.

“I was just telling Yoongi about big John. The pornstar from last week…”

“Oh.” Is all Jungkook says before shoving you and Yoongi apart, squeezing into the middle.

“Yah Yoongi. Were you listening?” You look up from your phone and over Jungkook, frowning at his lack of interest. “Listen! In terms of everything else John likes, he identifies that his all time favourite thing about working as a porn star is: “Honestly, being able to eat a lot of pussy. I love eating and fucking. Pussy on my mind. Pussy all the time.”

“So?” he grunts, seemingly uncaring of your recount of the strangest bio you have ever read.

“Yoongi,” you frown, looking up from your phone to the boy beside you. “This is priceless, did you not hear what I just said?”

“What?” Yoongi looks up at you, brow raised. “What are you talking about?”

“I was listening.” Jungkook quips, getting angry at the lack of attention he was receiving tonight. “You can talk to me now instead of him.”

“Shut up Jungkook, I’m talking to stone face,” you muster, shoving his shoulder with yours. “Big John likes it when girls eat and suck his penis! How fucking crazy stupid is that?”

“So stupid,” Jungkook admits to deaf ears. “I don’t like the idea of hurting or putting someone’s wellbeing in jeopardy you know? It’s not hot.”

Yoongi snort laughs. “I don’t usually kink shame but is that even possible? How big is her mouth? Because it must be massive or this porn clip is non-existent. Actually, you know what? I’m sorry but that’s impossible, I refuse to believe that can be done.”

Dipping your hand into the bowl of chips between you, you nod. “I think she just took small bites …according to this site, it’s his kink. Apparently it increases stimulation but I don’t understand how that is even possible either,” throwing your phone at the end of the bed, you sink underneath Jungkook’s blankets as you shove the chips into your mouth. “Ssounds ffucking stupid to me, you’ve got a blood sword crammed down your throat and then you’re eating food, further reducing the patency of your airway. Sounds like a choking hazard.”

“Wait,” Jungkook stares at your profile beside him. “How are you so calm talking about this? Who the hell are you and where is my Y/N?”

“I gave her a sip of my beer and suddenly she flies off on her conservative rocket and into the pearly white stars of oral sex and porn star biography content like a crazed porn addict.”

“Shut the fuck up Yoongi, it’s like watching buzzfeed unsolved on this site. Once you start reading one, you gotta read the rest. Did you know that there are kpop idols on here too? And apparently near death experiences while sucking the D is a common delicacy on this menu among them,” You laugh, looking up at Jungkook. “Imagine if I died doing that to you Jungkook and paramedics had to tell my grandparents that I died from eating and sucking your dick.”

“I can’t imagine that at all.” he gulps, watching you swallow your food. It’s gross but he can’t help but imagine exactly that occurring -not the death of you, the blowjob happening of course.

You continue. “I can imagine what my sister would say-” staring off into the distance you deepen your voice for effect, “-living the dream sis, hope you’re sucking dick and eating in Heaven.” jesus, and then my mother would say. “She wasn’t that much of a multitasker anyway, should’ve just stuck to eating in the shower”

“Hold up,” Jungkook says, pushing his computer between you and laying on his side. “You eat in the shower?”

Rolling your eyes, you turn to face him. “Of course I do, optimum time management.”

Yoongi nods his head, appreciating the idea. Maybe he should start doing that to so he can sleep in longer. “What do you eat? Toast?”

You shake your head. “Up and Go, sometimes yoghurt with banana.”

Jungkook stares out into the distance. “That is a genius idea.”

“Thanks, I’m filled with those, especially lately.”

“How did you even come across that article anyway?” he asks, laughing as he turns to face you, propping his head up with his hand. “I thought you strictly avoided sexual content?”

You stare at him in thought. “I guess I was just interested and I’m not embarrassed around you and Yoongi and I think we can talk about anything together …unless what I am saying right now makes you feel uncomfortable… did it?”

Shaking his head, Jungkook flicks your forehead. “Nothing could make me feel uncomfortable around you. We’ve had poop chills, that’s like breaking the seal in a friendship.”

Nodding your head, you smile bashfully. “That make my hearts flutter, you ugly mole rat, ah! I could just squeeze you!” you squeal, launching yourself onto him. Digging your arms under his back, you wrap your arms around him and your feet around his hips.

Yoongi makes a tsking noise before shouting. “You’re going to spill the popcorn you assholes. Stop fucking beside me, oh my god. I want to fucking leave.”

“Then go Yoongi, I’ll see you tomorrow!” Jungkook says, staring up at you awkwardly. “What are you doing Y/N?” Jungkook asks, feeling uncomfortable with the way you were adjusting yourself on top of him.

“You just make me feel all squishy.” Rubbing your face on his collarbone. Jungkook laughs softly before wrapping his arms around your neck.

“You’re so weird Y/N,” he says, swaying your body off of his groin so that your belt buckle didn’t dig into his goods. “But okay.”

“God, you smell heavenly.” you comment, dropping your weight on him. “Why do boys smell so good? Do you smell good too Yoongi?”

“I assure you, I smell like shit. Keep smelling Jungkook,” Yoongi closes his book loudly before swinging his feet off the bed. “I guess I’ll head off now, want to get some work done in the studio before sunrise. See you rats tomorrow.”

You both watch Yoongi leave, still wrapped up in each other. It was nice being like this but now that Yoongi had gone and it was just you two, it was weird.

Carting his fingers through your hair, he lightly massages your scalp. “I’m not even wearing cologne, so whatever you’re smelling is my natural scent.”

Shifting up his body, you nuzzle your nose into his neck before laying there. You could hear the loud beating of heart and the heat radiating off his body comforted you in the cold. “I’m not even going to dignify that cockiness with a response that would validate your ego. You smell reassuring was what I meant.”

Staring at the ceiling above, he holds you close when a weird electric feeling zips suddenly throughout his body. He doesn’t know what to call it but it’s there and you’re on it. “This is nice.”

You hum your response, feeling comfort flood and straighten out the knots of stress around your body. “It is.”

“Y/N,” Jungkook whispers, feeling unsure whether to ruin the moment with a question that he knows will make you feel uncomfortable but decides to anyway. “Have you ever thought about having sex with me one day?”

You stiffen ontop of him, before lifting your head to look at him. “What.”

He lets you go as you softly lay beside him.

“I mean, yeah I have since last time but why?”

“I was just wondering if you were normal because I’ve been thinking recently….” Jungkook’s smile falters as he makes eye contact with you.

“About?”

“Letting you learn about sex by having it with me,” he musters with a straight face and the intensity of his glare tightens around your heart. “You won’t have to feel embarrassed about anything either. I know you like Yoongi more but we’re close enough right?”

“Who the hell said I liked Yoongi more?” you say, not entirely sure how one is supposed to respond to something like that.

“I thought it was obvious?” he remarks, feeling his pulse rate go up.

“Hell no, do you see me crawling all over Yoongi?”

He shakes his head. “Oh.”

“Good, get that out of your head. Look about the sex thing, I’m definitely not ready to have sex yet but I’ll let you know when I want to?” you say, grabbing your phone from the end of the bed.

“That’s fine,” he nods. “I can accept that.”

“Lol bitch, you will accept whatever is given to you regardless. Don’t give me that attitude.”

He laughs as you turn back to your phone. “I was just offering my help since it’s something I know you’ll be thinking about when you’re on a bus alone and you’re listening to Beautiful and staring out the window.”

Rolling your eyes, you stammer. “I’ve only seen your penis once Jungkook, the thought of it being inside me actually kind of terrifies me.”

“I mean, we can start off slow… oral sex? If that is something you’re comfortable exploring?”

You blush several shades of pink.

“I can eat you out too, I think it’s fair if there is a mutual thing going on. Who knows, you might even like it.”

You nod your head. You didn’t want to admit that you didn’t know what eating out meant, you’d save that for a quick google on the toilet later. “Thank you Jungkook.”

“What do you think?”

Silence festers between you as you scroll through your social media to avoid his question and Jungkook looks back at his computer in understanding, pulling it back onto his stomach. It was just another late night hang at his house but things hadn’t been the same since your masterbating event last time.

Sure, your conversations were definitely more stimulating, you didn’t have to pretend to be interested in what Jungkook was saying, he just seemed more interesting now. But it was something beneath the skin that made you feel like something had been added to your dynamic.

Or had ruined it.

You weren’t sure anymore.

Who really cares anyway.

If the camera of your life panned out bird’s eye view, the screen would be filled of your lazy ass next to his lazy ass in a platonic bed sharing space with several question marks above your head:

1. Interest in sex had changed you, and you weren’t sure if it was a bad or a good thing. 2. You feel dirty, as though the clean white sheets of your world had stained with the darkest colours of forbidden fruit

3. Would there be romance if Jungkook decided to pursue you? If you let him? And why does that scare you if it does?

But as you watch Jungkook close his computer in frustration and lean in closer to you impatiently wanting for a response, you can’t help but think of a collision of all three:

Sex. With. Jungkook.

“I want to fuck you, if you let me,” He says, dropping his hand on your stomach. “And I want you to fuck me too.”

“Oh, christ…church.”

You stare into Jungkook’s eyes for a terrifying moment. “Like, right now? Because coitus interruptus, you’re touching my no no square.”

“Your no no square?” Jungkook slips his warm hand underneath your shirt, resting it on the skin of your stomach. “Why not? You don’t have class tomorrow, I can teach you something right now?”

“Jungkook,” he stares up at you, “I’m a virgin with a fear of penetration.”

He frowns. “Yeah, I know. That’s okay, we can take it easy, we don’t have to have sex right now. We’ll just keep it dry and you’re my bestfriend and I’m yours, it will be just between us?”

“I’m mean, don’t expect me to do tricks because I have no idea.”

Jungkook laughs softly, before lifting himself off the mattress to hover over you. “What do you mean tricks Y/N?”

You look away as he goes to sit between your legs. “I mean like, don’t expect me to jump on the dick and take you for a spin, you know that saying, going on a ride or something …no what was it …you driving into my garage …or was it the other way round? Me driving at full speed into your garage.”

Jungkook holds his arms up into a cross. “No butt stuff.”

“Butt stuff?”

“My garage is my asshole Y/N, think about it.” He says, and you laugh at your poor effort with sexual innuendos.

“Oh lmao, but can we try it? I think it’s fair if you end up splitting my ass that I get to also split your ass.”

He stares at you with a vacant look on his face. “Do you even know what you’re saying?”  

“I like the idea of having you plugged up while having sex with you,” you lean back into the mattress with a gleeful expression. “You’d be so submissive, and I wouldn’t need to worry about not knowing what to do because you’d be too distracted by the stimulation of your prostate to notice me fumbling.”

“Okay, you have watched and potentially read way too much porn Y/N.”

You shrug, watching him taking off his pants and throwing them across the room. “Eh, probably but I don’t see the harm in it. We’re good friends and we keep things light hearted. It’s a completely different world for us and that’s exciting don’t you think?”

He nods in thought. Straight brown hair hangs in front of his eyes, a small smile etches across his face as he begins to pull down your sweatpants. “It will definitely be a whole new world for you-

“I love that song …it’s a dazzling place I never knew but when I’m way up here,” you interrupt, singing at the top of your lungs as you lift your bum off the mattress as he pulls your pants off. It startles him but Jungkook isn’t sure why he’s surprised. Gripping his chin, you lift his face towards you as you sing. “It’s crystal clear. That now I’m in a whole new world with you.”

Jungkook scrunches his face in disgust, of course you’d ruin a moment with your Disney infatuation.

“Why are you looking at me like that? Was I too off key?” You ask, taking off your hoodie and he nods.

“Your voice went way far off into the whoop whoops.” He admits, watching you settle beneath him in a white singlet and beige panties. You don’t even care that you haven’t shaved, he can kiss your ass.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you grin. “You should sing for me then.” You whisper, watching his eyes drop to your lips.

“Some other time,” he whispers back, watching your lips. “Can I kiss you?”

You nod, “Do you have to ask?”

“Consent is important Y/N.”

“Well yes, in that case, go ham.”

Staring at you for a moment, he pushes you into the mattress, plastering his lips onto yours.

It’s not the most flattering kiss you’ve ever had. Jungkook’s lips are like rubber if rubber smelt like sandalwood and regret. It’s awkward at first, you can tell he’s testing the waters …well you hope he’s testing the waters because he’s not moving. Jungkook puts his hands on both sides of your head, you haven’t closed your eyes yet, were you supposed to? You don’t think you will with how this is going but his eyes are clenched closed as though the close proximity permits them too.

He has long eyelashes.

But is he going to move his lips?

How do you kiss again? Is this kissing? Surely not.

Jungkook presses a chaste kiss on your lips before moving away from your mouth. Relief floods your bones. Jungkook is a bad kisser lmao. Planting kisses across your cheek then across your jawline, you stay rigid beneath him. Is it bad to assume that if he can’t kiss, then he can’t…

In that case, then you’ll have to be the kisser between the two. The chocolate on the strawberry in food terms. I could go with some chocolate right now actually, maybe with some banana.

Focus Y/N, you have a man on top of you trying to get you hot.

Should I just kiss him? Rock his world? What do I do again?

Everything that you read in romper.com goes completely over your head. You had prepared yourself for situations like this by reading a million magazine make out tricks and you’ve kissed like a total of two guys, Jungkook being one of them so surely that is enough experience to not ruin the moment. What did that website say about again?

Ah, 1. Hand positions.

Running your fingers slowly up his back, you tangle your fingers in his hair, pulling on the strands. It’s a good start. Jungkook must like his hair being  pulled because he moans against your ear before suckling on your ear lobe. You can feel his hardened length twitch against your thigh as he does it too. It’s so thick what the hell, how will that fit inside me. Okay, let’s not think about that right now, lets just kiss. Fuck, what do I do next? You thought. I can’t just sit here, I gotta do something to him so he doesn’t think I am lazy.

Okay, breathe Y/N, what was number 2? Was it change positions? How the heck do I do that? Should I just push him off? The article said to roll him over, how do you do that sexily?

You shove Jungkook roughly off you and he falls to the mattress beside you. It’s not the most sexy transition but it will do. You don’t even give him thinking time before you throw your leg over his waist, and grab one side of his side in a lazy bed kiss.  Leaning forward, you press a chaste kiss to his mouth to test the waters again. “Jungkook, let me just…”

Pulling back to look at him, you grin. “Slow, let’s just take it slow okay? You’re going a million miles per hour past Africa.” Jungkook nods before leaning back in, pressing his soft lips to yours and gently pressing forward.

It’s much nicer this time, a change of positions was a good move. Your eyes fall shut when he slowly moves his lips against yours. You can’t possibly shape this feeling into words, it’s nice and it’s lovely, it’s at a pace you can handle and it’s at a pace you can enjoy.

Moving his hand towards your jaw, he cups your cheek. The heat from his palm melts your brain. Is this what kissing is supposed to feel like? What was number 3? Bite the bottom lip? Ah, who gives a shit. Let’s just do it.

Softly nibbling at his bottom lip, you suckle on it and the little shocked gasp that flutters from Jungkook makes you grin against his mouth. Didn’t see that one coming did ya Jungkook. Scooping you up into his arms, you laugh and Jungkook takes the opportunity to briefly lick into your mouth. You’ve never used tongue before but holy dang, you think you might’ve missed out on something because the electricity from his tongue zips straight down your nerves and straight to your southern regions.

Number 4? Get on top of him. Without disconnecting your lips, you move on top of him to straddle his hips. It’s slightly uncomfortable because you can feel his hard on against your core but holy dang, you were aching for some friction down there.

Do I rub myself against it?

Pushing your hands on his pectorals, you’re acutely aware you both forgot to take off your shirts but that is fine right now. You don’t want to give Jungkook bragging rights when you ask to lick his abs hahaha.

Using your own tongue, you brush against Jungkook’s tongue and lick into his mouth. Naturally gyrating your hips down on his, a strangled moan erupts from his lips before he gasps loudly, detaching his lips from yours.

“What?” You pant, looking at his bulging expression. “Why are you looking at me like I just kicked your dog?”

Narrowing his eyes at you, he falls back to the bed. “You’ve done this before.”

“So it’s good?” You grin, grabbing the sides of his face. “Am I doing okay?”

He nods eagerly when you lean down and begin pressing light kisses across his jaw. “Does it feel good?”

“Mhm.”

“Do you want me?”

“Fuck yes.”

“How much do you want me?”

“More than anything.”

“How do you feel when I do this?” You ask, slowly rolling your hips against his erection. “Because I can’t think of anything more I want then to feel your big dick inside me. Jesus, it feels so fucking good Jungkook. I want you so badly, I’m so fucking wet, I bet if just pull your underwear down your thighs and slip my underwear to the side, you’d just slip right in.”

“How did you… where did you learn to talk like that. Fuck, you’re so sexy,” He holds your hips tightly, moving them against his erection.“It feels so …fucking good. God, you’re so wet, I can’t wait to fuck you.” He whimpers.

Kissing down his neck, you open your mouth against his skin. “Porn is great for learning how to dirty talk babe.”  

Your hot breath lights up a flurry of goosebumps across his skin.

“Y/N,” he moans, pulling you against him tighter and you laugh.

Rolling your tongue over his pulse points and rolling your hips against his, Jungkook’s reaction is explosive. Repetitively thrusting against your core, he moans. “Fuck, I don’t think I’m going to last very long if you keep doing that.”

For a blinding second, you see stars. You know, like in those cartoons when they bumped their heads. Except you haven’t, so you’re confused by this.  

The friction against your clit was amazing. He was dizzying in the best kind of way. Sucking on a spot of skin beneath his ear, you gyrate your hips harder, kissing across his cheek to his lips as you do.

Biting his bottom lip, you push your tongue into his mouth again. Jungkook keeps making these guttural noises and you feel intoxicated by their very sound. You drink them in, each shot making you feel drunk off of him.

Pushing against you, Jungkook rolls you over onto your back. Lying between your thighs, he kisses you hard. Fuck, what was number 6? Are we up to number 6, or was it 7. Who fucking knows.

Humping against your core, you whimper the tiniest form of his name feeling his wet thickness through the fabric slide through your wet slit. Disconnecting his lips from yours, he solely grinds against you, watching you flutter your eyes closed, watching you lick over your swollen red lips.

Bringing a hand to your face, he rubs his thumb over your bottom lip and your reaction baffles him. He gulps when you roll your tongue around his thumb. You open your eyes, staring into his large brown ones before taking it in your mouth and sucking on it.

Number 18 something, suck on his thumb. Check.

“Holy fuck,” he whispers, grinding into you even harder if that were possible. And his tone of voice is so deep and so crusty and broken, it’s just an absolute turn on. You feel so sloppy, can you even move your arms?

Closing your eyes, you look up to the ceiling feeling the strangest tightening in your stomach. “Ah fuck Jungkook, it feels so good, keep doing that.” you moan, biting your lip.

“I’m so close baby, so close. I want to be in you so fucking badly,” he whimpers, leaning his forehead on yours. “Next time, I’m going to pound you so hard you’ll be seeing stars.”

“Too late for that Jungkook.” Sweat drips down his face but you couldn’t care less at this point as you lazily grab the sides of his face and bring his lips to yours. Wrapping your feet around his waist, the space allows him to make more frantic movements with his hips.

His lips fall from yours when he cums. It’s the sexiest sound you’ve ever heard when he says your name, so broken but so relieved and you aren’t that far behind him when brings his hand down to your wet underwear and presses his thumb to your clit, rubbing it in circular motions. It was like fireworks lighting up every single nerve in your body and then all you could see was white and Jungkook’s beautiful brown eyes.

You’re panting and sweaty, but you feel so utterly light and brainless. You don’t say anything until he does. It was one of the most amazing feelings you’ve ever had, second to the feeling of eating a really good mince and cheese pie.

“I just came in my underwear, fuck,” he says, unwilling to leave the comfort of your body. “I’ve never came so hard in my life, it’s all over your legs. I’m sorry for the mess…”

You ignore him.“That was…

“…amazing right? Jesus, you can kiss,” he admits, pressing lazy kisses to your neck and collarbone. “My heart won’t stop racing.”

You feel so sticky and you don’t even know what to say about what he just said. “Thanks.”

“Seriously, where did you learn to kiss like that? I thought I was the only guy you’ve ever kissed.”  

You frown at that. “Jungkook, I can’t take you seriously when you’re so sweaty and I can feel your semen seeping through my …underwear….”

The revelation washes over you. “Oh my god, I’m not on the contraceptive pill and you didn’t use a condom….”

He stares at you strangely. “We didn’t have sex why would you need to worry about that…”

You push him off of you as you fall off the bed and stand up. He watches you with a strange look on his face when you wipe his cum off your thighs and begin a set of jumping jacks. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t want to get pregnant.”

He laughs. “Why …would …you think that?”

“Don’t be dumb Jungkook, they have tails and they swim.”

The laugh that bursts through the silence in the room is deafening. His cackle grates into your nerves as you stand still, watching him roll in his sheets with a stupid fucking toothy grin on his face.

“You fucking idiot Y/N.”

You smile as you watch him laugh, pretending to be an idiot was the only way you could think of that would get you out from underneath him and into the shower. It was quite a successful transition. You just weren’t aware of how much that event would plague you for the rest of the week.

[tequilajones]

been reading a lot of unpopular opinions so I’m gonna add my own

This is mainly about KPOP since that’s the thing I have the most to talk about at the moment. While I’m not dishing out direct shade like “So-and-so is a hoe”, some opinions might be a bit controversial but I’m being 100% honest. If you have any questions and/or comments, just message me and if you’re mature about it, I’ll gladly reply.

Idols need to be treated like people, especially from the fans that are supposed to support them.

What really pisses me off is when a fanbase turn against an idol or group over something trivial and stupid such as someone’s bias is in a relationship, that an idol smoked weed once, an idol is part of the LGBT community or whatever. Point is, that’s their life. Nobody’s perfect and there’s a good chance you never had even the slightest bit of a chance to be with your bias. Thinking an idol has to be this perfect angel who’s saving themself for you is childish at best and completely selfish at worst. Another example is the whole Bambam/Wakanda salute scandal. I personally don’t understand that. Granted, I’m white. But still, if someone can please explain to me why only black people can do the salute from a movie, that would be appreciated. Anyway, back to what I was saying. As long as the idol in question isn’t hurting themselves or the people around them, then let them be themselves. The image their company promotes them as is only that, an image, a facade. On that note, people who are rude and act entitled towards kpop idols are assholes and nobody can tell me otherwise. You all need to chill the fuck out.

Fanwars are just a childish waste of time and effort.

“X is better than Y!” “No! Y is better than X!” How old do these two people sound? This type of conversation belongs on a playground. Everyone is allowed to like who they like and dislike who they dislike. You can still get along. My friend likes Seventeen and I’m not a fan of their music, but I like EXO and they don’t. Does that mean we’re now sworn enemies and have to have a debate every time we see each other? No, we just talk about the groups we both like or we let each other talk about one group’s updates and just say “oh, neat”. That’s it. Simple. Welcome to adulthood.

Nobody gives a shit if you’re an ARMY, stop commenting “ARMY here” or “Stan BTS” on everything, kpop related content or not.

It’s annoying as fuck. I could read the comment section of something that has nothing to do with kpop,nor  South Korea and especially nothing to do with BTS and at least 25% of the comments are “ARMY here, gotta talk about BTS cuz god forbid people forget that one of the most famous kpop groups exists for a minute!” This is why people think ARMYs are annoying children. It needs to stop. Yes, I ignore them plenty of times but seriously, is stating that you’re an ARMY in a buzzfeed unsolved comment section really necessary? I mean come on. If anything, you’re discouraging people from even checking out kpop, since you give us all a bad rep.

If you ask where your bias is on vlive, you’re an entitled asshole and need to stop.

Combining my points about annoying fans and rudeness, you CHOSE to watch that vlive, if your bias isn’t there, they’re not there. Stop asking the idols there where their bandmates are, they probably don’t even know and it’s rude as fuck. Just watch a different vlive or go on Tumblr and look up #yourbias’name on Tumblr or Instagram or whatever. Simple as that. It’s like your friends skyping you but asking to see your sibling or partner instead.

Idols don’t HAVE to learn English.

Would it be convenient if they did? Yes, as an american who doesn’t speak Korean, English speaking idols would be great. But that’s the idol’s choice. While I am grateful for the idols that took the time to learn an admittedly difficult language, if I would need google translate to talk to my bias, should we ever meet, then that’s perfectly fine. I can watch their interviews with subtitles, that’s why they’re there. Learning a language is not easy, even if it’s similar to your native tongue. I taught myself german to talk to a hot german guy who transferred to my school. Now German has many similar roots and is similar grammatically to English, but it was still a pain in the fucking ass. I had to learn new vocabulary, learn how to pronounce new letters, practice conversations and as a high school student, I didn’t have a lot of time, energy or patience for it. Now imagine a Korean kpop idol having to go through this. They would have to take time out of their immensely busy schedule (I’ve heard, at times they only have 2-3 hours of free time just so that they can sleep) to learn a whole new alphabet, learn a grammar that even confuses native speakers sometimes and so on. If you’re really tired of using subtitles and think learning a new language is easy, then just learn korean. Boom, now you won’t need subtitles.

Korean bands are incredibly underrated and it’s sad.

Bands like FT Island, CNblue, N.Flying, Day6 and Royal Pirates have all been slept on too much, and it’s for the thing they all have in common. They all play instruments instead of dance. Doesn’t mean it’s any less good, but still. It can be a refreshing change in sound from the usual electronic sound of most kpop songs. I just wish it got more recognition.

Dark/Sexy concepts > cute concepts

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t completely hate cute concepts (I do like Twice after all and post ooh-ahh, it’s been cute after cute after cute). Personally, before I got into kpop I was mainly in the rock/metal scene and I’m more used to seeing dark, bloody and anything but cute concepts. The fact I’m a horror fan doesn’t really help me like cute concepts that much. Now for sexy concepts, I like how for women, it can be about women taking control of their sexuality and embracing it, while with men...I’m just hella gay. What I like about dark concepts are about how they explore humanity’s worst kept secrets, gothic aesthetics (I personally identify as a punk but goths are pretty damn fab) and I personally think dark concepts are more creative than cute concepts. What I don’t like about cute concepts are how they usually portray the same thing basically, either a bunch of friends hanging out or a bunch of people competing for someone’s affection, how cliche they are and why would I want to see a bunch of 20-30-year-olds pretending to be kids? (Though genuinely childish idols aren’t so bad). Groups that do cute concepts well do try to make it unique (Twice Cheer Up) and have the idols act their age (Girls Generation Party).

I get more excited about my underrated faves winning awards than my popular bias groups.

I am happy when Big Bang, Girls Generation or EXO win awards, but you can almost kind of expect them to win. Now if a group like Nu’est or Ukiss won a daesang, I would be celebrating as if the Rangers got the Stanley Cup (I’m an ice hockey fan from NY). I’m sorry EXO, you may have gotten me a boyfriend (he and I met on EXO amino), but if B1A4 is nominated, I’m voting for them.

Now, for my most controversial opinion...

BTS is overrated

I don’t completely hate them. I’m not a fan of their music and I don’t think any of the members are that good looking. They’re not terrible, I’ll give them that, I actually think they’re okay. But the hype they’re getting, it’s like everyone thinks BTS is the greatest music group of all time. They’re just average in my opinion. But any time I see anything KPOP related, there’s always gonna be BTS either in the comment section, in social media posts, in video/vine compilations and every fucking where else on the internet. I think it’s ridiculous how popular they are, I mean EXO’s very popular too but their references tend to stay in the kpop sphere and usually reserved for when EXO is relevant. When I tell kpop fans I don’t like BTS, 9/10 times, they are the pearl-clutching level of shocked.