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#but i'm sad because i cant get anything done
sleepyseals · 11 months
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[Image Description: Two unfinished digital paintings / sketches of the hatchling and Hal from outer wilds. they are standing with their arms around each other and the hatchling has their head leaning on hal's shoulder as hal watches the supernova in the distance through the doorway of the museum. the first image is the scene viewed from behind with everything lit in bright blue with dark shadows. the second image shows hal's face looking in fear towards the light and is only partially colored, the rest sketched over a gray background. End Image Description.]
something you'll run back in for when the house burns down
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aftermathing · 3 months
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#This shouldn't be a surprise but seriously no one actually cares about my survival yes I've asked for help why would I get help#I'm functionally nocturnal and I keep staying up for like 48 hours and then sleeping for a day and I never know where I am#Or what day it is or if it's morning or night#Normal humans eat three meals a day and snacks right I think I maybe eat a snack every other day#I just don't feel hunger and my body hurts and cooking is so much effort I don't have#Weed used to help me be able to eat easily but now everything is just so hard and no food in house n cant go to store bc of ptsd too scary#I keep telling people when they ask that I am doing badly and need help but they as always just tell me to go to the store and buy food#Because it should be easy for a normal person!!! That would be such helpful and kind advice if I were normal#But I am not I am severely sick and traumatized and driving hurts so bad and stores give me panic attacks#Seriously if literally nobody cares about my struggling why not just be euthanized at this point?#This problem is so inconvenient to everyone and I have done all I can to convince people that I'm worth the inconvenience but :(#If I were worth talking to or visiting or helping people would have done that and I would be fine but I am not and that's okay#I genuinely don't mind being a husk at all#I'm just weirdly sad about it right now maybe because I think I feel hungry but genuinely I can't tell thanks autism#I also haven't been able to do my t shot in like three or four weeks I keep trying but I literally can't get the needle in :((#I imagine less testosterone in my system also makes me tired and lose my appetite#I'm so fucked up and nobody cares that I start my day at 8pm and am active and reply to emails and shit at 4am#Why would anyone notice that first of all but still. I would notice.#When even strangers are struggling I notice and I will do anything for anyone but it's selfish upon selfish to expect it back I understand#I keep looking for arfid and ed affirmations to help me but I can't find anything good#Genuinely . what the fuck#Just fucking need to be someone's dog feed me walk me put me in a cage teach me how to be better and treat me like I don't know shit#Because I don't I'm so stupid I can't even feed myself I'm dying please help me
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anotheruntitledsong · 6 months
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i did like the hidden palace but (SPOILER if anyone hasn't read it?) i'm genuinely so annoyed at how Arbeely is handled like... I wish i could be sad but i'm just fucking irritated. I was overly invested in him and that's def why but i just feel like they did him dirty
#the golem and the jinni#i was scrolling goodreads and the take i kept seeing was 'oh I wish Arbeely could've had his family too bad the jinni FUCKED IT UP'#but idk that's just not how i read him. like thats not where i feel the problem is#his whole shtick is being content as the jinni's foil and like! things can change! but the way it's done leaves him totally unresolved#which in turn means the jinni's shit is also never getting resolved because there is like no way to#when Arbeely describes his future family in the first book it's all 'someday... vaguely...' and AGAIN! what you want can change!#and honestly it's really interesting and sad that he makes this sacrifice for the jinni#but it's a layer of complexity that like clashes with how little he is there for and how little the author's invested in him#and like the way the no marriage literally did not ruin his life at all... sure it sucked but the man is still like idk rich#what has continuously fucked with him throughout both books is that he wants (or at least spends half his page time thinking about)#emotional connection to the jinni in a human way#which is something the jinni cant\wont give him even though he's basically Arbeely's only close friend#(besides ig maryam who was rlly funny hinting at her dislike for the jinni like someone trying to get their friend to dump their toxic bf)#anyway the vibe in the first book is that he only thinks about wanting a wife when the jinni is being a dickhead#BECAUSE the jinni eases arbeelys loneliness by just being there because at the end of the day that's what humans need#but then it's made really weird in the second book by Arbeely getting 'trapped' by the jinni (and yet they just grow further apart)#which means that the only thing arbeely actually spent half his life discontent with and then literally died without is not a wife#it's emotional intimacy with the jinni. which is insane to me#arbeely is obviously already tragic but this seems TOO tragic entirely because the book doesn't give af about addressing it#if it was like a plot thing then all of the above would be fine and gutwrenching because it ties back into the jinnis self isolation#BUT IT'S NOT. like i get arbeely isn't that important to the plot but he was important to the jinni and the jinni was important to him#alsoo necessarily disclaimer i'm not trying to say he's in love with the jinni or anything like that#although a queer arbeely (divorced from the above idea) would also been interesting cuz I dont think the jinni has a grasp on homophobia#so idk theyd be keeping each others secrets (arbeely x the biscuit man? JOKE)#BUTTTT! I don't believe he needs romantic energy! him and the jinni having awful vibes up until arbeely's literal death is what bothers me#The jinni is a bad communicator ik but come on... not once? not even before the diagnosis? The jinni also thinks about how distant they are#could they not talk a little? for me? there are ways to do it within the bounds of their characters FOR SURE#im sure this is the point but i do dislike it either way. anyway sorry arbeely u remind me of my uncle#the hidden palace
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poppy-metal · 4 months
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MARRIAGE COUNSELING W ART PLEASEEEEEEEE GOD THE DEVASTATION THAT TAKES PLACE ON THAT COUCH
i think about it alot. tashi staying with patrick, her injury never happening. your arts college girlfriend and now you're married and it feels fucking stagnant, your relationship. but neither of you wants to give up. neither of you wants to reveal to the other true feelings.
under the cut because this got long and i have a whole au in my hear around this concept
you're only in counseling because of tashi. because shes still in your lives, her and patrick. and she recommended it to art when they were having one of their 'friend' lunches. and now here you are, because of course art took her advice.
he hasn't said anything, though. despite pleading for this. saying he wanted to save your marriage, that he wanted to love you how you should be loved but he didn't know how.
so here you are, on opposite ends of the couch, with the counselor staring at the empty space between you like that in itself is very telling. you suppose it is, in a way. couples who want to stay together should be unified, shouldn't they? you imagine how it would feel, if art had sat next to you. put an arm around you. squeezed you to his side. would you even be able to relax into him? its been so long since you touched eachother that way.
"so im picking up on some distance here," your therapist says. shes a small woman. almost swallowed by her chair. her glasses are perched on her nose as she gazes imperiously at empty space separating you and art. "not just physical either, though thats rather obviously there. but emotional distance. do either of you wanna comment on that?"
you cut a glance at art, expecting him to speak up since this was his idea - well. tashi's. but he just looks down at his lap, quiet. spins his wedding band around his finger.
you feel an anger so intense it pricks your eyes with tears.
"well, i guess you could start with the fact that coming here wasn't even either of our idea. it was his friends."
and now. here art speaks. his head jerks up and she shoots you an annoyed look. "you don't have to say it like that. you always say it like that. her name is tashi and she is my friend. and it was her suggestion, yeah, but it was a good one."
you look at the therapist - janet. raise your eyebrows in arts direction like, get a load of this guy. your legs cross and you start picking at a stray string from the couch.
"first words of the session and its to talk about another woman."
arts inhale is sharp and you can feel his eyes on you but you dont look at him. you can't. you wont. you're right, anyway. he can try to deny it all he wants but you know - you know what you are to him. you know where all your problems stem. you dont need to be here to make any grand discoveries over a fact you've resigned yourself too.
"i see." janet says. "and art having a relationship with this other woman upsets you."
"everything upsets her." art cuts in, sounding tired. his elbow is braced on the arm of the couch and hes chewing on his thumb in one of his nervous gestures. he always did that, as long as you've known him. he was a nail biter, he'd chew his lips raw, he'd nibble on straws, the ends of his pens. he was either lost in thought or agitated. your guess was the latter. "nothing i do makes her happy."
"is this true? are you unhappy with art?"
your skin feels hot. you shift around in your seat. the attention is all on you, and it feels like you've done something wrong, even though you know its literally janets job to ask questions.
"more like i know I'm not what he wants and that makes me...... really fucking sad."
art knees almost knock against yours as he turns his body to face you, giving you his full attention the first time today. you cant meet his eyes still, so you look at the faded spot on his jeans. light blue, like his eyes. you wonder how hes looking at you. cant make yourself look up to see.
"what." he stops. seems to gather some thoughts. tries again, with a steadier tone. "what are you talking about."
you try not to roll your eyes. your arm flings out limply.
"just that this whole thing is a joke, art." and you let out an exasperated laugh, even though nothing is funny. nothing has been funny or light between you two in a long time. "we're only here because the girl you really wanted to marry, told you to get your fucking shit together. you didn't ask us to come here because you wanted to mend something, you're here to please tashi. because if playing a good husband is a role she wants for you - well, you want to play it right, dont you?"
its quiet after that. in the silence you cant help but think about those early days. when you'd been full of love and light and art seemed to be really happy with you. you'd go on dates to the movies, walk through the park together with your hands swinging between you. laugh together and steal kisses whenever you could. you felt high back then.
it didn't even matter that art had a crush on tashi, because hell, you had one too, at the time. but she'd started dating patrick, and they seemed to mesh well together. they were both so intense and passionate. back then, you'd been alot closer to tashi yourself. patrick too. you remember the way she'd rant about how much she fucking hated him, pacing around your room and calling him every name under the sun. and you'd sit there with eager curiosity, and ask her why she didn't end it then. if he makes you so angry, why stay?
and she'd get this faraway look in her eyes. kind of wistful. kind of sad. kind of happy.
"because he makes me feel fucking alive. hes like a - like a drug or something. i cant quit. its addictive, you know?"
that stuck with you. it still sticks with you. you remember being envious of that kind of passion. youe relationship with art had always been so easy. you dont think you'd ever fought by that point. you loved art. you felt safe with art. but were you addicted to him? if you broke up - would you feel withdrawal symptoms?
sometimes you layed awake at night and thought about starting a fight - breaking up for no reason. just to see if he'd fight for you back, if the missing of eachother would be so intense one of you would cave.
but somehow you knew that wouldn't be the case. thats just not how you and art operated. if you got angry, he wouldn't rise to meet you, he'd back down. if you ended things, he wouldn't chase you, he'd let you go.
patrick and tashi were fire and brimstone and you and art was ice and you were....... dirt. solid. walked upon. dependable and not at all exciting.
when art had proposed to you after college graduation it wasn't spur of the moment as it had been with patrick when he'd swept tashi up with a ring and a elopement to vegas. it was talked about and agreed upon and you knew it was coming.
you still said yes.
"you think," and arts voice has a barely concealed tremble to it that makes you look up, finally. you're shocked to see he looks wounded. so many of his expressions you can count on one hand - and this - this wasn't one of them. his eyes are dark, stormy. "you think i dont care about our marriage beyond what someone else has to say about it? you really think that?"
you hate the sliver of guilt you feel, because its not a crazy thing to feel.
"yeah, i really do."
because well, that's the truth of the matter isn't it? you and your husband stare at eachother. and it feels like you're looking at a stranger. not the man who's freckles you used to kiss. who's fears you knew. who's hands you know every callous of, every divot and fingerprint.
"it seems you two have very different views of how the other views this marriage." janet cuts in, sounding curious. she taps her pen against the open notepad on her lap. "art, would you like to chime in on why you wanted to come here? even at the suggestion of someone else?"
art stares at you for a long moment. his face is unreadable to you. his jaw works before his chest expands on an exhale and he looks away.
"i guess i - i just didn't realize how..... stagnant things had gotten until it was pointed out to me. harshly." he winces, and you wonder exactly what tashi had to say to him. you haven't talked to the other woman for some time. contact fizzling out after your marriage to art. he flicks a glance to you, then away again. "im not the best at being aware of shit going on around me." his hand comes up to rub nervously at his neck. "i guess you could say im good at brushing things under the rug. going through the motions. that sort of thing."
janet nods like this makes sense to her. well, great, you think. you know my husband more than i do.
"you're not a fan of confrontation, are you?"
art actually laughs. a genuine one. one that brings a dimple to his cheek and flashes his teeth. you stare at it, like its an exotic animal, and you wont see it again. quickly you catalog the expression in your memory, so you dont forget what he looks like when hes happy.
"yeah, no." he shakes his head. "but I think thats part of the problem. I've obviously let too much shit get put under the rug and now its so full other people are noticing."
you look down at your hands, lips pressed together. your face burns at the knowledge that tashi and by extension - patrick - know your marriage is in shambles. how embarrassing, to be caught lacking in such a momentous way. to come up short and have your husbands friends know about it. you wonder - does he talk about all the ways you make him miserable with them? does patrick shake his head, say, "she's sucking the life out of you, man." does tashi look at him with pity? like hes some poor abused cat that needs to be let in from the rain?
the rain of your marriage.
the rain of you.
you're the storm. you're the problem. you're not enough. art needs fire. you're not even dirt, you're glass. and you can feel yourself breaking.
"that clearly hit a nerve, my dear." janets voice is soft. soothing. she hands you a tissue and you realize you'd begun to cry. "do you want to explain what you're feeling about what art said?"
"i...."
you dab dab dab at your eyes. sniffle. look around the room, trying to collect your thoughts. they feel like flyaway dandelions. you dont know which of them to grasp.
a warm hand settles over yours in your lap and you startle. its arts hand. warm and calloused and tan, covering yours. the gold glint of his wedding ring winks at you, the engraved words etched into them, "my soft epilogue". a shortened version of your favorite qoute i think we deserve a soft epilogue, my love.
at the time, that's what art was to you. your life before him hadn't been easy. being with art had felt like coming home from a long day and falling into a soft bed. it had felt like being able to land after weeks of being made to fly.
you turned your palm up, so he could slide his fingers between yours. he squeezed your hand.
"i think, i. i think i just think - I'm a failure." your bottom lip wobbles. you look at your enterwoven fingers and it makes you so sad that you haven't done the simple gesture of holding your husbands hand in months. "the two most important people in your life are. are so passionate and loud. and i see. i see how happy they make you - and i cant - i cant b-be that for you. we aren't - im not - you dont need me. im not a limb for you how they are. you could extract yourself from me and be. be happier."
your breath shudders out of you.
"you don't need me." you echo.
you wait for him to pull his hand away. this is more than you thought you'd share. some of it you weren't even aware of till the words were spilling from your lips. but they ring true.
without patrick and tashi art would drown. without you..... he'd float just fine.
"and that's important to you." janet says. a statement not a question. "you want to feel needed by art, and you feel as though you aren't. that his needs are met better with his friends than with you."
you nod slowly.
"baby." the word sends a shock through you. not the word itself but how its said. art calls you baby all the time, in a monotonous kind of way. routine. now he says it softly. with feeling. he lets go of your hand in favor of cupping your cheek, still damp with tears, turning your face to his. he looks pained. "of course i need you. i know i haven't been good at showing it. i just - you shut down - after we got married. you've been like a fucking ghost. like you dont want me to touch you. like i could dissappear for all you care and you'd just carry on. i don't know. but i need you, okay? i. need. you."
both hands cup your face, he makes you stare right into him. the conviction in his voice takes your breath away. theres a fire burning there you've thought long put out.
"obviously we have shit to sort out, and we will. but you've got to. you've got to know that. tashi only pushed me to do this because she how - how desperate i was. that's all."
you inhale deeply. exhale. swallow hard. tears cling to your lashes. you reach a hand up to clutch at one of arts wrists. eyes fluttering automatically when you do. you feel grounded again. less like you might float away.
"okay."
"yeah?"
"yeah...." and you smile. it trembles across your lips. but its there. "we'll sort our shit."
art lets out a relieved breath. kisses your forehead, lingering there. the gesture so tender you get emotional again. you want to crawl into his lap, have him wrap you in his arms. you want to feel held by him, like you used to.
"our time is up." janet sets her pen down. smiles. "but i think that was a wonderful first session. i can see the love between you hasn't faded, and that's more i can say for alot of couples who come to see me. keep your chin up."
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Eddie's porn stash is a pretty conventional one. An 'if you've seen one stash you've seen them all' type. It basically only consists of skin mags, some of them kinky but most of them vanilla. Normal stuff.
The oddest thing in it is a two-year-old calendar. You know those sexy firefighter calendars? Usually a charity thing? A hit with the housewife crowd? Yeah. Except this calendar decided to branch out and include a bunch of sexy men from a bunch of sexy professions.
So, in this thing, joining the sexy firefighter is a sexy doctor, a sexy construction worker, a sexy police officer (whose month Eddie tore out and burned because fuck cops but don't ever fuck cops), a sexy librarian, and so on. They're all really good-looking, but none of them hold a candle to the paramedic.
It's weird. Paramedics aren't normally part of the traditionally sexy professions. It's messy and sometimes tragic, but lacks the high-paying glamour that doctors and nurses enjoy. Eddie's had his fair share of fantasies, and none of them involved fucking a paramedic.
Until two years ago.
The guy in the calendar simply is that hot.
There's not even anything risqué about his picture. None of the pictures go beyond "this dude is chiseled and shirtless", because veering even slightly past the softest softcore territory would scare off the little housewives or something.
(Eddie is actually pretty fucking sure it'd increase the sales, but hey, what does he know.)
The point is, there's nothing that obscene about the pic. Just a guy kneeling in the back of an ambulance, first aid equipment scattered between his powerful thighs, shirt open to reveal his sculpted torso…
Dark hair spanning across his pecs, over his abs, vanishing down his tight tight tight pants. Hips canting upward, bringing attention to the size of his bulge beneath the zipper. Broad shoulders, ripped arms and large hands, veins protruding across the back. A pretty yet masculine face, with a strong jaw and a straight nose, full lips, a smattering of moles going down his biteable neck. Voluminous, golden brown hair swooped away from his twinkling eyes.
He's got this look in them, this slant to his mouth. Like he knows he's the hottest guy in the calendar.
The one month everyone will go crazy for.
Eddie has become intimately familiar with that look. No joke, in two years it's made him crack his marbles more than anyone else has done in his quarter-century lifetime. When all else fails, November-paramedic has his back. It's basically his longest relationship to date, which sounds a lot sadder out loud (and it sounded fucking sad inside his head, too).
You might wonder why any of that is relevant now, as he sits on the curb outside of The Behemoth with blood trickling from his temple, his band giving their statements to one cop while another hauls away the snarling douchebag that clipped him. How does it play a part in this god-awful night out, you ask?
Well.
"Sir?"
Eddie startles, too caught up in the thudding inside his head, made worse by the buzzing crowd, to notice the man approaching him. He looks up, his gaze gliding past uniformed legs, muscular forearms, a curved neck and honeyed eyes appraising Eddie, and oh.
Oh God.
Eddie's breath sticks in his chest and his tongue becomes a cognate to sandpaper, because it's the paramedic.
It's the paramedic. From the calendar.
He's hallucinating. He has to be. He collapsed on the sidewalk, and now he's having one last weird sex dream before his brain finishes seeping out and he fucking dies.
November-paramedic crouches in front of him. Eddie continues to gape like he's getting ready to catch the peanuts no one is tossing at him.
"My name is Steve. I'm with the ambulance," November-paramedic says. "What's your name?"
Eddie makes a noise incomprehensible to most Earth cultures before his brain registers the meaning of the question and stutters out the answer.
"I- Uh- E-Eddie. It's, it's Eddie."
November-paramedic – Steve – smiles kindly. Heat prickles across Eddie's cheeks and neck. It's not the same as the cocky, sexy smile he's got in the calendar, but still. He's smiling. At Eddie!
"Hi, Eddie." He nods toward Eddie's temple. "That's an impressive cut you got there. May I take a look at it?"
"Yeah? Yeah. Um, g-go ahead."
As Steve sets down his bag and rummages through it, Eddie scours his face to confirm that it really is the guy from the calendar. To his chagrin, it is. There's no mistaking it. Those eyes, like liquid gold. That jawline, a weapon in its own right. Those moles, applied so skillfully it must've been by an artist's hand. That hair, coming straight out of a commercial for luxury shampoo. It's lying flatter than in the calendar, either lacking product or having sweated it out, but it's still glorious.
Steve, having finished washing his hands, tugs on a pair of disposable gloves. The plastic snaps against his wrist, sending a shiver through Eddie. It centers between his legs. Shit, if he pops a boner now…
"I'm going to ask you some questions, okay?" Steve says while pressing a square piece of gauze against the cut. "Do you know what day it is?"
"Eh, Thursday?"
"Do you know where you are?"
"The Behemoth."
Steve nods and, with a lopsided smile, asks, "And are you a patron or did you and your head injury just wander onto the scene?"
Eddie laughs. Loud, merry, and verging on too long. It wasn't even that funny. Steve seems pleased his joke was a success, though. Unless his smile is the uncomfortable kind that one wears when faced with the unhinged. Eddie isn't sure how much blood he's lost.
"No, I, like, my band…" he says, stammering like talking isn't what he does best. Jesus Christ, it's just a hot guy! Eddie has made a fool of himself in front of those plenty of times – no need to get flustered about it. He clears his throat. "We had a gig and, after, at the bar, some guys got into a fight. Got ugly, so we tried to leave, but… alas!" He makes a dramatic sweep of his arm, nearly clocking Steve. Steve expertly ducks away without lessening the pressure on the wound. Eddie soldiers on, not daring to pause lest he lose his steam. Hopefully his burning face is enough of an apology. "Fucker wasn't even aiming for me. He missed his intended target and struck me instead."
"Right. Did you lose consciousness after he hit you?"
"Nope."
"Good. Did you drink tonight?"
"Half a beer, at most."
"Do-"
"Eddie!"
Gareth's nasally voice cuts off Steve's question. The next second, he's materialized beside them with a slightly alarmed expression. "Dude, are you…!"
He trails off, eyes growing into dinner plates. There isn't that much blood, is there?
Steve looks Gareth up and down, a crease between his brows. "Is this your friend?"
"My drummer. Gareth."
Eddie half-expects Steve to demand Gareth leaves so he can do his job in peace, but nope. That kind, calm smile is back. He even gives him one of those little upward-nods 'cool guys' like to do.
"What's up, Gareth? I'm Steve; I'm with the ambulance. Just making sure Eddie won't keel over later tonight."
"Uh huh…" Gareth kneels opposite Steve. He's smiling too, but his is shit eating. Eddie frowns in confusion, because what does Gareth have to be happy about? He was freaking out right after Eddie got hit, but now he's staring at Steve like-
Oh.
He's staring at Steve.
No. Noooooooooo! Oh shit! Oh fuck! Oh why, why has he kept his porn stash in a drawer without a lock all these years?! He can't recollect the reason Gareth opened that particular drawer on that particular day – all Eddie remembers is how Gareth, Jeff, and Marv snickered when he explained the inclusion of the calendar.
That was it, though. They moved on. Sure, there has been the occasional roasting after the fact, but it's not like he hasn't also mocked them for their weird shit. But that's not the point. The point is that Gareth is staring at Steve like he recognizes him.
Gareth's attention flicks toward Eddie. Eddie shakes his head as subtly yet pleadingly as he can. Gareth's grin gobbles down another turd. Eddie makes a valiant effort to explode Gareth's eyeballs with his mind.
"Say…" Gareth turns to Steve. "Have we met?"
"I don't think so. Eddie, do you have a headache?"
"Yeah, man," Eddie says, voice trembling. "Hurts like hell."
"I could've sworn I've seen your face before," Gareth says. "Like, I'm 100% sure."
"Are you dizzy or nauseous?" Steve asks, ignoring Gareth.
"Um, a little dizzy but no nausea?"
"Hmm, okay. Blurred vision or uneven numbness?"
"No."
Steve nods, glancing at his watch. Then, to Eddie’s dismay, he looks at Gareth. "I've never been to this bar before."
"Nono, not here. Somewhere else…"
Steve's lips purse and his brows knit into the most adorable thinking-face Eddie has ever seen. His heart skips a beat, then skips two more as Steve's free hand gently cups Eddie's cheek. The skin catches fire where Steve's gloved fingertips touch it.
"Let me have a look at your pupils…" Steve says, guiding Eddie's face and, holy shit, leaning in close for a better look.
Eddie gulps, half his blood rushing up and the other half down; he squeezes his legs together to prevent the little guy from saying 'hello' to everyone present. His eyes rove over Steve's face. His lips are chapped and the skin on his nose is dry. The nose itself is somewhat crooked. Did he get into a fight between the calendar photoshoot and now, or did they make the nose straighter for the photo? Why would anyone think it necessary to edit a face like this one? Even with its imperfections mere inches away, it's still the handsomest Eddie has seen.
Steve hums. It's a perfectly preserved vinyl. It's a metal festival. It's Eddie's new favorite song.
"Same size but pretty dilated… Keep your eyes open, please." He shines a tiny flashlight into Eddie's eyes before nodding, satisfied. "All right, looks good."
He leans back out of Eddie's space, returning Eddie's ability to breathe, and removes the gauze. His smile tells Eddie that the bleeding has stopped. As great as it is that he won't hemorrhage to death, it also means their encounter is approaching its end.
"You might've seen me at the university campus?" Steve says, fiddling with some plasters; it takes Eddie's horny brain five full seconds to deduce he's talking to Gareth again.
"No-" Gareth freezes, mouth hanging open. His smugness has evaporated. "Actually, I might have? You're a student?"
Steve chuckles as he patches the last of Eddie's cut. "No, but my friends are. None of them own a car, so I end up driving them everywhere. Right, Eddie, I think you're good to recover at home. Unless you feel like you should head to the hospital?"
Great question! Does he? On the one hand: riding in the ambulance with Steve, ensuring a few additional minutes of his lustrous eyes and smooth voice.
On the other hand: hospital bills.
"… no."
"Okay. Do you have anyone who can keep an eye on you?"
Eddie shakes his head. "I live alone."
"Then maybe Gareth could hang around for the next 48 hours?"
"Sure can," Gareth says without hesitating. Eddie's heart swells with affection for him, despite his (failed! Hah!) plot to mortify Eddie to death.
Steve is already packing his medical bag.
"I want you to rest and avoid stressful situations," he tells Eddie. "No alcohol, no recreational drugs, no driving, and no working until you feel completely recovered. You may take tylenol, but not aspirin or ibuprofen. And if your symptoms worsen or you develop new ones – seek medical attention. Got it?"
The last part is sterner, reminding Eddie of every male authority figure he's strived to disobey during his teenage years. He has no such desire this time.
"Got it."
Steve raises his eyebrows as if to say 'have you really?', and Eddie has to wonder if it's he who seems contrariant and/or stupid enough to ignore the medic or if this is something Steve does with every patient. If it's the former, he mustn't seem that contrariant, because Steve's features soften into trust. He stands, brushing dust off his knees.
"Great. You boys take care now. Have a nice night."
"Yeah, you too, man," Eddie calls after him weakly as he retreats to the blinking ambulance. "Thanks…"
He keeps his gaze on the broad expanse of Steve's back, soaking in the rippling of his muscles as he walks and, oh would you look at that, his ass is as nice as the rest of him. Eddie's been wondering for two years now…
"Dude!"
Eddie jerks toward Gareth. Did he say that out loud? Did he drool? Is his boner showing? But no, Gareth isn't disgusted or disturbed – he's excited.
Shit.
He'll never hear the end of this.
"Don't!" he hisses.
Gareth just laughs, eyes twinkling.
"That was-"
"Don't!"
"I can't believe it!"
"Gareth-"
"You are so red right now!"
"For Jesus fucking Christ's fucking sake-"
------------------------------
Dedicated to @rougenancy for always listening to and encouraging my various thoughts, opinions, and ideas (they are constant).
Part 2
AO3
5K notes · View notes
kyotosworld · 18 days
Text
just confess already!
pairing: steve rogers x fem!reader 
summary: the team is sick of seeing how in love Steve and you are while you both pretend you’re just friends. 
(the office au: moments when the teams talks to the camera, like in the office)
warning: language, very cute confession at the end
word count: 1.3k
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“..andd they’re doing it again,” bucky smirks at the camera before motioning it towards you and steve who were sitting way too closely for “friends”
you were both giggling and whispering about something he was showing you on his phone, before you noticed the camera and very badly tried to act normal by clearing your throat and refocusing on your computer.
steve’s brows furrowed for a second as he watched you leave, worried that he might have done something to upset you. before also realizing that the cameras were directed toward you both. leading him to return to his work in a similar clumsy manner as you.
steve could only hope that the camera didn’t catch how long and how longingly he looked at you after you left.
meanwhile, bucky was still smirking at the camera, “ you see what i mean?”
bucky of course was referring to the ongoing belief of everyone in the office—but you and steve—that you guys were dating.
“they need to confess already. i'm sick of the heart eyes,” natasha says before fake gagging. “but seriously, the only people they’re fooling are themselves.”
while natasha was talking to the camera, you and steve were in the office kitchen proving her exactly right. 
“have you heard the…rumors floating around the office?” you ask nervously, while holding a cold water bottle, and standing beside steve as he looks into the fridge for a snack.
at that, he froze because yeah he had heard them but he was also too scared to talk about it with you. then in an attempt to act normal, he hit the top of his head on the ceiling of the fridge. 
“shit!” he exclaimed.
“omg, are you okay?” you wince before putting down your water bottle and checking his head. 
he has his hands on the spot he hit like that’ll help ease the pain, which of course it doesn’t. so, in an attempt to do something other than just watch him in pain, you pick up your cold water, gently move his hands from his injury, and place the bottle against it. 
“there, that should help.” you say softly while still holding the bottle against his head. you’re too focused on easing his pain to notice the way steve is looking at you.
“oh those two? we’re still talking about them?” tony asks, “that’s old news. instead, lets focus on me–”
— 
“aww they’re soo cute i cant wait for them to realize!” wanda says excitedly with the biggest smile on her face. she’s a sweetheart.
“what, when did this happen? why did no one tell me?!” thor asked with a frown, being the clueless himbo that he was ♡. 
his smile reforms as an idea forms in head, “i must congratulate them!” he exclaims while getting up.
the camera follows thor out of the room and into the main office where steve and you were actually focused on your work for once. 
“CONGRATULATIONS ON THE RELATIONSHIP DEAR MORTALS!” thor yells as he pulls you two into a tight hug. drawing the attention of the rest of the team.
“what?” you ask, gasping but laughing when thor finally lets you out of the bone crushing hug. 
“you and steve! you know i always suspected, but wasn’t a hundred percent sure. why didn’t you tell me?” he questions, getting a bit sad again.
 this time steve pipes up, “you ‘always suspected’ what?” he asks in confusion.
honestly he was getting a bit nervous. you both were, thinking somehow your crush for the other got out and that’s what thor knew.  
but the truth surprised you guys even more, “that you’re dating of course!”
at this, you and steve look at eachother wide eyed and flushed for a moment before looking back at thor. 
“where did you get that information from, thor?” you ask. 
“well apparently, everyone knew but me.” he looks down, “no one ever tells me anything.” 
you guys look around at the rest of the team with surprised looks on your faces, “really?” steve asks, perplexed.
a collection of nods and “yeah”s spread around the room.
clint speaks up, “i honestly thought you guys were engaged already.”
after all of that, you and steve kind of avoided each other for a bit. feeling too awkward after the news you both had heard.
but that only lasted for about an hour before you both ended up in the break room at the same time. 
you walked in, distracted, looking down and counting the coins in your hand to see if you had enough for the chips you were craving. due to this, you failed to notice that someone else was in the room with you.
“oh, hi.” steve spoke up, surprised to see you. 
you jump and look up to find steve sitting at a table across the room.
“hi,” you stop in your tracks, surprised and suddenly nervous at the sight of him.
you both stood there for a bit, staring at each other, not knowing what to say.  
“soo–”
“umm–” 
“you go first!”
“no you!” you insist.
“i was just going to ask if uh we’re okay?” steve asks nervously. 
“yeah.” you reply quickly, “why wouldn't we be?” you ask, trying really hard to act normal and like you weren't affected by today's news in the slightest.
but of course steve saw right through it, right through you as he stared at you for a moment before responding, “i'm sorry that things are weird now, and it's all my fault and i totally understand if you don't wanna be friends anymore–” 
“what?!” you interrupt immediately, “steve, of course i don't want to stop being friends.” you say sincerely looking deep into his eyes. 
“and if anything, it's both our faults for being together all the time, no wonder they thought we were together.” you finish while pulling up a chair next to him. 
steve chuckles and shakes his head at that before getting serious again, “so we're good?”
“yes. we’re good.” you smile, causing him to do the same, “plus their assumption didn’t bother me too much…” you looked down as you said the last part.
“what.” steve’s head turns towards you swiftly, he couldn't have heard you correctly, right?
“what? it's not like you’re the worst guy ever. and i guess it's not the worst thing that they saw us as a couple.” you try to answer nonchalantly but are still avoiding his eyes. 
this time, steve’s lips upturned a little, noticing your nervousness, “so you think i'm ‘not the worst guy ever’ huh?” 
you look up and notice he looks a bit amused. “oh shut up, you know what i mean.” you playfully shove his side with your shoulder. 
“no no, i really don't. please. explain it to me.” he jokingly but also somehow convincingly insisted. 
figuring that you weren’t gonna be able to leave this place if you didn’t just admit it, you very speedily say, “fine. you’re an attractive guy and you’re funny and really kind and anyone would be lucky to have you.” at the end of that you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding in. 
it’s quiet for a moment and when you finally look back at steve he’s smiling softly at you. “i feel the same.”
“you think i’m an attractive guy?” you tease.
“you know what i mean.” he whispers, still smiling.
“i think i do.” you say softly while leaning closer towards him.
but of course sam had to walk by right when steve closed the gap between you two. 
“i knew it! they are dating!!” sam yells and he runs towards the main office. 
356 notes · View notes
normansnt · 7 months
Note
Could I request a third part of the prince? I love it!
YES OMG YOU ARE MY FIRST REQUEST HIIII THANK YOU SM IM HAPPY YOU LIKE IT🧡🧡
Yeah I might have forgot to mention I do in fact take requests😎
Actually ya'll have been loving the prince series and I was wondering if you want me to making it into like a full blown story like following the series events and what not, or like just a little series of cute scenarios?
Let me know.
Warnings:
The prince (part 3)
(Alastor x male reader)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Currently you were arguing with your father. Since the moment he found out you are dating Alastor he was not happy, to say the least.
"Why the sudden urge to leave? Is it not good here anymore because I can clean up the rubber ducks-"
"No dad thats not the point I just think I'm old enough to move out and Charlie has her hotel with a lot of rooms, and I mean I guess her dream is not that impossible-"
"Yeah right, like I'm going to believe that you just want to move in with that bambi of yours" he scoffed
"Dont call him- thats not- ok fine yeah, I want to move in with Alastor why is that such a problem I am a grown ass adult I can do as I please." And with that you left the room to pack.
--------------------------------------------------------------
"I swear, he still thinks I am a kid." You were pacing in Alastor's room while he was sitting on a couch and calmly drinking tea.
"He let Charlie go?? Why not me why cant I do what I want with my life" you continued your angry ranting while unpacking you clothes.
At this point you were basically moved in with Alastor. You had all your stuff there you just needed to unpack, which he solved with a flick of his wrist. You could have done that too, but your father raised both you and your sister to not be careless with the amount of power you have, also you were busy rambling.
"*sigh*...thank you honey." You said quietly as you took a seat next to him slumping into the couch.
Alastor looked at you. Till now he was just half listening to you ramble and he thought you would feel better once you let it out and you two could cuddle but right now you looked even more sad, defeated even.
This did not sit right with him. If there was anything he hated most was seeing you sad or hurt.
He took a hold of your hand and put his other one on your cheek to guide your head to look at him.
"My dear, this issue will be resolved just as any other, you will make up with your father." He reassured you with a smile.
"I know but than it will start again, and I'm starting to feel like he will never accept you even though you are so important to me and... it's just too much right now, I'm sorry I need to be alone." And with that you left.
There it was again. That stinging feeling in his chest. Alastor had to take matters into his own hands.
--------------------------------------------------------------
You walked down the stairs and took a seat by the bar.
"Damn kid, rough day?" Asked Husk as you put your head into your hands and groaned.
"Thats one way to put it, can you please get me a whisky on the rocks" you said in your ever so kind voice.
Husk liked you. On contrary to your father and older sister you were calm, quiet and well spoken. All this while still having the heart of gold they have as well.
He never understood how a charming young man such as yourself would find himself in a relationship with a demon like Alastor.
During your numerous visits to the Hotel you have talked to Husk a lot and you two became really good friends. The same went for Angel who usually joined you guys. You three usually sat by the bar chatting for hours.
"Hi (Y/N)," you heard Angels voice approaching as you sipped on your whisky. He took a seat next to you and shared a quick kiss with Husk. You chuckled to yourself quietly, you have been rooting for the two from the very beginning and when they finally got together you were so happy you shedded a few tears.
"Hi Angel" you gave him a small smile but he saw through it.
"Aww, toots hard times?" He asked as Husk handed him his drink.
"It's a long story" you answered.
"We got time" said Husk encouragingly.
You smiled a little than started telling the story.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Alastor was on his way to find Charlie. He needed to solve the situation or he had to gauge his own eyes out so he doesn't have to see you sad.
He figured if he got your father to come to the hotel you can talk things out. As well as, he is going to try and make an effort not to be a complete ass with him but Lucifer has to try and be nice as well, for your sake.
He needed Charlie for this because if Alastor asked Lucifer to come he would not. However if Charlie asked, he'd be there in a second.
"Oh Charlie?" He wondered into the princess's room.
"Yes? OH Alastor HI how is my brother doing?" She asked with excitement. She was more than thrilled that her little brother is going to move into her hotel.
"Not so well I'm afraid I acquire your assistance to make him feel better"
"What? Whats the problem is he ok? Did you hurt him? Alastor I do not care how helpful you are around here if you hurt my little brother-" Her eyes started glowing red as her hair was swept into the air and her horns started to show.
Before this could go any further Alastor cut her off.
"My dear, rest assured I would kill hell's entire population and my self before causing any harm to your darling brother." He said calmly.
"Oh, then whats the problem?" Asked Charlie now calm.
And so Alastor explained everything to Charlie.
When Alastor and Charlie knocked on her father's door there was no answer. They looked at one another and Charlie checked if it was open. It was, so they could go in without problems.
"Hello? Dad?" Yelled Charlie as her voice echoed in the huge mansion.
"YOU, It's your fault you took them away from me" they heard as they looked to their right.
In seconds Alastor was tackled to the floor with a very angry Lucifer on top.
When Charlie registered what she was seeing she started to pull her father off of the Radio demon to almost no avail. The devil wouldn't budge.
"YOU TOOK BOTH OF MY CHILDREN AWAY FROM ME ARE YOU HAPPY NOW IS THAT ENOUGH?"
Lucifer was not happy. He was yelling in his demon form wings out and fire spewing from his mouth.
"DAD"
Everyone stopped. You were standing in the door looking at the scene before you, baffled.
You rarely raised your voice, so to hear it this loud and clear shocked most people in the room.
You cleared your throat. And said in your normal calm voice again.
"Can we talk in private."
Lucifer calmed down and followed you into the room you left to.
When he entered the room to his surprise, you hugged him.
"Listen dad, I understand that both of your kids growing up is hard for you, and I'm sorry for leaving you alone but I need my space I'm starting to live my life and its with Alastor because I love him."
You said in a very gentle tone.
Your dad looked at you for some time then hugged you again.
"You really love him, kiddo?" He looked at you with understanding eyes as he let go.
"I do, dad I really do." You answered.
Your dad sighed. He took a hold of your hands.
"All that matters to me is that you are happy. I'm sorry I have been such a jerk about it but...it's so hard to let you kids go, you will always be my babies" He sniffed lightly.
You chuckled at that and squeezed his hands.
"Can you please make an effort to not hate Alastor?" You tried.
He groaned.
"Yeah, yeah I'll see what I can do but he needs to be cooperative"
You walked out of the room.
Charlie stood up with tears in her eyes and hugged you both.
"Oh...the walls are thin here aren't they?" You asked as you looked at your dad.
"Yeaaah, forgot to mention that."
"You guys, I'm so happy you made up are we ok now?" She asked between sniffles.
"Yeah, we are ok" you smiled at your dad.
After your sister let you go from her crushing embrace Alastor walked up to you.
"I- listen no pressure about saying-" he cut you off by swapping you off your feet into a breathtaking kiss.
"I...I love you too, darling" he said quietly, without the radio statics, he said it in his real voice, as he put his forehead on yours.
"OK, see, I promised to be nice but there is no need to rub it in my face" your father said as he dragged you away.
Alastor straightened up and, with the static back in his voice and an eye twitching, he held his hand out to your father.
"I promise to make an effort to not murder you" he smiled eerily at your dad.
Lucifer had a brooding expression on his face but shook the radio demons hand none the less.
"Thank you." You said at last as you hugged both of them. They hugged you back. While glaring at each other behind your back.
Sure they are gonna make an effort. When you're looking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TADA
I really hope you like it again thank you for the request.
Also please let me know if y'all want any of what I mentioned in the beginning.
When Alastor's staff broke and he started talking w/o the statics I was ON MY KNEES.
I WANNA THANK EVERY SINGLE ON OF YOU WHO LIKE MY STORIES THEY HAVE RECEIVED A LOT OF LOVE AND IM THANKFUL BEYOND IMAGINATION THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU💗💗
OK LOVE YOU HAVE A NICE DAY/NIGHT/MORNING WHATEVER MWUAH💋
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bamsara · 6 months
Text
A03 Questions Tag Game
I got tagged by: @kagedbird I tag: @onethirdofimpossible, @coffincrows, (first two that come to mind) and anyone else who wants to do the game
1 – How many works do you have on AO3?
At the time of writing this post, currently 30 fics. (Not including any fics or written works that are not posted to AO3)
2 – What's your total AO3 word count?
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1,066,633
3 – What fandoms do you write for?
Formerly: Don't Starve, FNAF, Dragons Dogma, Invader Zim
Currently: Cult of the Lamb
4 – What are your top five fics by kudos?
Solar Lunacy, Celestial Omens, Bytes of Lunacy, The Rehabilitation of Death, Saturday Insomnia
5 – Do you respond to comments?
I try to but I also get very nervous responding because I often don't know what to say back and I feel like it's almost rude or disrespectful to respond to a comment, esp the very nice ones that are long and in-deph with just a keysmash or a bunch of emojis, but I do read every single one since I have email notifications on for them
I'd like to sit down and respond to many but I really don't want to make it awkward so pls dear god readers forgive me
6 – What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I don't like unhappy endings. I enjoy angsty stories but I like when it's at least ending happy to me
7 – What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Not posted? Solar Lunacy
Ongoing? TROD
8 – Do you get hate on fics?
Not really? Most adults (in my experience) know the 'don't like don't read' rule and know basic online etiquette. I've gotten some for discontinuing a fic or switching fandoms though
9 – Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I don't write or draw NSFW! I like to make some suggestive themes sometimes, but I'm a very ace person, it's not something I do often. (I do have a current running goal that if my friend reaches their donation goal for their medical bills that I would give NSFW a shot, but again its not really my cup of tea)
10 – Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
Nah I haven't written any cross overs, but I do draw them sometimes. Recently I've been spinning a Alice in Wonderland x COTL crossover in my head.
11 – Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Yep. I've had people copy and paste my work, go in with a thesaurus to change a few words (like changing 'angry' to mad, 'upset' to 'sad', and so forth) to try and avoid detection and re-posted my written work under a different title name. AO3 staff took them down for violating their policy against plagiarism though
12 – Have you ever had a fic translated?
No. I wouldn't mind it so as long as I'm asked before hand, though not on anon so I can actually work with the person to prevent any mistranslations or mishandling, and that I don't want my work posted to other websites
13 – Have you ever co-written a fic?
I think I did when I was a teen but I cannot remember now
14 – What's your all-time favorite ship?
Eh I don't have any favorites, just ones I really focus on for a long while
15 – What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
Pass.
16 – What are your writing strengths?
I can sit down for hours or several days and work on a writing wip completely in the zone. I cant do it on command but its at least something I can do
17 – What are your writing weaknesses?
Spelling and grammar, and sometimes long running sentences. I just kinda write, theres not really a goal for it to be perfect though so as long as the story gist and vibe is right, im fine with it
18 – Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
I've done it before but only minor, had a friend help me with it (one or two lines of dialogue) Aside from that, I'm not comfortably fluent enough in anything to do it again without assistance
19 – First fandom you wrote for?
Soul Eater, when I was wayyy too young to be posting anything on the internet. My fanfics I wrote are still on fanfic.net to this day
20 – Favorite fic you've written?
It's inbetween TROD and EE&E right now
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spacebubblehomebase · 4 months
Note
Helllloo, I love you art!!!!!can't wait for more of hh stargazing!! I just check everyday if you added anything new (yea I have an addiction) its fine I'm fine,right?!I want to eat your art for barely lunch and din din (sadly I cant)
-azzy
I'm flattered to know you like it so much! XD
But it's exactly because I want to do MORE for my AU that for now, I'm sad to say that this'll be the LAST Ask I'll respond to until I'm done with the next one. You guys can STILL send them my way and I'll STILL read them ofc, but it might be awhile before I could get to any of your queries. Sorry for that. Until then, it makes me SO happy and motivated to know just how much you guys want to see the story of my #HHStargazersAU! And I'll be sure not to disappoint! So count on it! ^v^ For now, since Alastor's done eating, it's time to pack up the leftovers for later and take a break to learn some new recipes. Later, folks!
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(P.S. I hc that a certain type of meat became very sought after in Cannibal Town after the last Extermination. Hence the cookbook...)
-Bubbly💙
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miruac · 1 month
Text
dating kozume kenma headcanons - part 2
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masterlist
navigation
warnings: not proofread, movie and timeskip spoilers, very self indulgent
a/n: EHEHEHEHEH I LOVE MY INTROVERTED GAMER BABY | word vomit. this is just pure word vomit.
during nationals when they were away, kenma always texted you before and after a game(kinda shocking since he's dry asl)
he would be a little clingy, especially when he was sleepy since he had no filter then
but he literally like slept so late there...(THAT ONE SCENE OF HIM WAKING UP WITH BEDHEAD <3)
before their match with karasuno, he sent you a gif of a happy dancing cat(it was him trying to convey emotion)
after the match, he sent you a text that read 'i guess i'm coming home'
which made you happy he was coming back, but also sad that they lost
right when they got back home, you went over to his house to give him some congratulatory apple pie and cuddles
obviously he got a fever and was literally bedridden for a couple of days, so you had to wait a little while before seeing the poor boy
but when you did, he was still a little sick so he just clung onto you(
when he's sleepy, i headcanon he likes his hair to be played with and when you do it he just falls asleep
timeskip to the future, and its been like what, 7 years? you've moved in with him into his house, and it's pretty casual at this point
he always comes to bed late since he stays up on stream, and he ends up waking up so late
but before you go to bed, he's almost always taking a break from his stream to kiss you goodnight
sometimes if you're feeling clingy AND sleepy, he'll let you sit on his lap and sleep there while he's on stream
guys everyone writes kenma as if he's someone who's lazy as hell, and cant cook
BUT NOT ME!!! i know kenma can cook because he isn't that self-negligent, like if he moved out by himself then surely he knows how to somewhat provide for himself
he doesn't cook much because he doesn't like how much effort it takes, but when he cooks its kinda fire
you guys alternate, but its usually you cooking
i know he doesn't eat much canonly but loves seeing you in the kitchen its so domestic
when you catch him staring his lil bitch ass smirks at you and is like 'you look good in my kitchen.'
EPHASIS ON "MY KITCHEN" LIKE AODJSAOLDJASJDL
guys stop he's so cute when hes posessive
SPEAKING OF POSESSIVENESS OMG
ok now kenma's posessiveness varies from day to day
if he sees another guy with you, he doesn't rage immediately but when he sees them holding you in a way how he does? that's when he slides between you guys and takes you back
but also sometimes when you're about to go out in revealing clothes, he gets all pouty and clingy
he doesn't let go of you and looks up you with such pleading eyes(im so weak. im so weak for him omg)
guys he ALWAYS goes to pick you up himself
most likely he's going to bed by the time youre done, he can spare a couple minutes getting you
and plus i know he may not act like it, but your safety is like one of his top priorities
especially since you're the partner of a famous streamer, he does his best to make you comfortable
whether that's having you sit out of frame when he's on stream, or keeping you hidden
the media's really mean, and he'd do anything to prevent you from seeing or witnessing something hurtful just because you're dating him
he takes all the necessary precautions he knows of, and always tries to keep your identity anonymous
but when you felt comfortable enough, you slowly started to creep into his streams
at first it would just be a hand popping into frame, to you literally napping on his lap while he streamed
he told his fans that he was taken before and they thought he was lying, but since they've seen you they're amazed that he actually pulled
overall, his audience loves you and they literally see how kenma lights up when he looks at you
like his eyes are so soft and glassy and hazed with love(im gonna cry. why isn't he real. please i want him so bad)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
2nd a/n: guys this is literally not proofread this is such shit work like im not even processing these thoughts in my brain IM LITERALLY JUST WORD VOMITTING RN ok im done thank you for listening to my ted talk GOODNIGHT
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pleasantspark · 3 days
Text
Depression is a curse man.
The way its depicted in Hazbin Hotel as some, "UwU quirky dad making ducks to feel something" pisses me off. My depression is never taken serious by anyone so to have it mocked and ridiculed like that just doesn't make me any more proud.
I can barely fucking get up in the morning, eat, sleep. Do anything else but mope. I tell everyone my feelings and I feel like I am a burden to them. I am constantly being fed my depression. People give me praise but I don't know if it's true.
I cannot take this shit anymore man, I just want to end the sadness end the suffering. When I am not so close to the edge I feel happy, but it comes back again what's the point in being happy if everyone's gonna tell me to suck it up?
The fucking mental health clinics or even therapy does nothing but fill your head with hope. Hope that eventually you'd get better. These are just feelings rehab. They are not there to help you get cured.
Hazbin could have this level of shit where they can help someone but ultimately they relapse because that's how being a 20 year old unemployed bitch is.
I hate being alive sometimes. I feel like existence is just pointless. But yeah, depression is a joke guys, its not like it evovlves to wanting to throw yourself off a moving truck GUYS.
FFS, I'm done. I'm going back to writing.. OH WAIT I CANT
BECAUSE I AM TOO USELESS TO EVEN DO THAT!
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barrenclan · 6 months
Note
(gestures to that one panel in the new issue) you see you can tell their family because of their matching eyebags
in all seriousness you are making me soo insane. i barely even touch tumblr but every once and awhile ill come check “new patfw updare? new patfw update?” like a lil parrot and i reread different pages so much i just. my brain chemistry has been altered. outside of the story and all that i love how you format the whole thing. ive never seen a comic formatted like this in my life with like the. the. the text outside of explicit dialogue still there you know but it scratches a little itch for me and you utilize it SO WELL. like i feel like if you were to switch patfw to any other format, outside of the effort itd obviously take to make it itd just be. really hard to get right if that makes sense. its just… so tied to its strange little format its great. if i may ask like. stupid question but is this just like a type of formatting you just decided to use or did you see it somewhere else beforehand? bc like it may be common or smth i dont read many comics man
weird tangent aside i love the characters, story all that too of course! theres just. so much to talk abt there i wouldn’t know where. To Start. youve done admirable job of fleshing out so many characters to some degree in the time youve had. some of barrenclan may be assholes but theres something to be said about all of them. beeface isnt mean all the time etc, you know? they dont feel static in the sense that they feel like they are living their kitty lives. slug family in particular just scratches a little itch for me i could go. on and on. i miss asphodel. if you kill any more of them i wont. do anything but i would be very sad.
i cant imagine the type of dedication and effort it would take to keep smth like this going and just. yeah!!👍 good luck with ur silly kitty comic solider
Thank you so much for all your kind words! I'm so glad you like the comic! I've had a lot of fun making it and the response has been truly flattering.
The "style" is not my own creation; it is inspired by one of my favorite webcomics, Paranatural, which transitioned out of traditional comics into this format a couple years ago. :] Like so:
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That is what it's based on! And I've seen setups like it in other places before, though none come to mind. However it's not very common in webcomic spaces - although my friend haw does have a new comic @pipjackal which uses a similar setup! Read Pip Jackal, please, for me. And Paranatural.
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nyxmisfortune · 6 months
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i'm not sure what the rules are for requesting (since i cant access the link!) but could you write sfw alphabet for grian (if u write for him)? pretty pls with a cherry on top :D
[also could i be 🌙🌊 anon if its free? pls and tyty]
Grian SFW Alphabet 🍄💐🍁
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Paring-Grian x reader
Warnings-None
Summary-The SFW alphabet for Grian
Notes- WOO! It's the first Alphabet I've ever done, so I hope it's good. And Welcome to the blog 🌙🌊!!
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Affection [How is affection with them?]
Grian is affectionate. He'll sit behind you while you cook with his arms around your waist, watching you like the curious bird he is. If you're sitting down, he'll happily lay in your lap and sprawl out with his wings extended as if he's trying to take up all the space he can. It gets mildly annoying sometimes, but Grian will move if you ask him.
Brick [How oblivious are they?]
Grian is anything but oblivious. When he catches on that you have a crush on him, this pesky bird is merciless. Comments that nearly make your heart stop wondering if he knows, and hands brushing against each other in a way that seems like an accident.
Cuddling [What is it like cuddling with them?]
As said in A, Grian is extremely cuddly and affectionate. He'll happily cuddle up to you anywhere. If you are sitting on the couch, expect him to be sitting next to you and leaning on you like you're a giant pillow. 
Down [How do they react when you aren't doing great?]
Grian is the first to notice. He might even notice before you do. You'll be wrapped up in blankets as soon as you enter his house, fluffy blankets and feathered wings making sure you're nice and cozy for the cuddling session about to happen.
Ending [How would they end things?]
Grian struggles with this part. He hates having to end things with anyone, especially with someone he loves so much. You would have had to do something really bad to have him break up with you. He’d do it face to face, he wouldn’t want to hurt you by just texting you. Grian would break if you started crying.
Feelings [How open are they with their feelings?]
Grian is open with his emotions to an extent. He’ll tell you when he’s happy or excited or sad, but it’s kind of up to you to guess if and when he’s burnt out or tired because sometimes even he doesn’t realize it.
Greetings [Do they have a special greeting for you? What is it?]
Grian is always so excited when you come home, and that is reflected in how he greets you. He’s all smiles and hugs as soon as you open the door. Other than that, you don’t have any sort of special greeting.
Hugs [How would it be to hug them?]
Oh, it would be so comfy. Hugs are very often with Grian as mentioned in A. His wigs are like giant feathery blankets and it feels nice and secure when he wraps them around you.
I love you [Who would say it first? Do they say it often?]
It would take Grian a while to say I love you. He really wants to be the first to say it but he can never find the right moment, and you just might say it first. After it’s said for the first time, he says it every night before bed. 
Jealous [Do they get jealous? Is it often?]
Grian doesn’t get super jealous. He’ll make jokes as if he is, but he’s pretty secure, and sure you aren’t going to leave him.
Kissing [How is it to kiss them?]
He doesn’t kiss you much actually. It’s usually just him being draped over you. He’ll kiss you sometimes of course during sweet and soft moments, or if you ask for a kiss but it isn’t his main form of affection.
Listen [Are they a good listener?]
He’ll do his best to listen to you, but sometimes he’ll zone out and forget what you were saying. That, or he’ll stare wide-eyed at you in a way that is… just a tad bit creepy
Mornings [What are Mornings like with them?]
Mornings are always soft. Waking up is always warm, with a nice mess of blankets and feathers surrounding you. Grian looks so handsome with the sun-dappled across his face as it streams in threw the window.
Nights [What are Nights like with them?]
Listen ok, sometimes Grian simply doesn’t sleep. He’s doing anything but sleeping [or building the back of his base]. But when he does sleep? You’re sleeping too. No arguments. He will lay on you if he has to.
Open [How open are they with you?]
He’s very open! He doesn’t hide anything from you, except for well… the Watchers. He doesn’t want you to be dragged into that.
Places [What are their favorite places to take you?]
Anywhere high up. Trees, Mountain tops, the top of his builds, just anywhere that isn’t flat ground. Is this because he’s a bird? Maybe. Maybe he just likes feeling the wind in his hair.
Quizzes [How much do they know about you?]
Grian remembers everything. If you tell him something, he’s sure to remember it, even if it is something small like your childhood cat's birthday. He’s even able to recall it with a nearly creepy accuracy and speed. 
Relax [How do they like to relax?]
Laying down with you is his favorite way to relax. If he’s upset, pull him over to the couch or a bench and let him rest his head on your chest and relax. Talk to him, he loves your voice.
Secretive [Do they keep your relationship private? Or public?]
He’s very public with the fact you two are dating. PDA is common, but it’s nothing super big. Grian just doesn’t see the point in hiding your relationship.
Talking [Are talks usually silly? or do they prefer deep talks?]
Most of the time, It’s silly! Talking to Grian is fun and there’s always a lot of giggling. But you two have deep talks sometimes as well. Usually at night.
Ukulele [Do they play any instruments?] 
I think he would play the Ukulele and the triangle. Why the triangle? It’s easy and he started playing it before learned to play the Ukelele because he felt a little left out with the rest of the hermits being able to play instruments.
Victory [What games do they play with you? Do they win?]
Board games! He loves playing board games with you. He keeps forgetting to get new board games so you both play Jenga a lot. He tends to win more often because of his architectural experience.
Walk [Do they like going on walks with you? Are they peaceful?]
Grian loves going on walks. It’s always nice to see all of the things the hermits build and to talk to your friends. Walks are usually pretty calm unless you two run across some weird hermit shenanigans. Grian can’t help himself from causing a little chaos sometimes.
Xtra [Extra headcanons for them]
Grian sometimes forgets that he can’t just build for days on end. You’ll have to remind him a lot that he needs to take a break, or even just go to bed. Bring him food while he’s working and he will love you forever.
Yoink [Do they steal your clothes?]
Oh absolutely. Very of the mind that once you start dating ‘That isn’t your clothing anymore, that's our clothing’. If your sweater is missing? Just ask Grian, he probably has it. 
Zen [Is the relationship Calm? Or Chaotic?]
Have you met this man? It is chaos. You were absolutely dragged into the many prank wars he’s started. Chaos is Grian’s middle name, and you two are utter menaces on April first.
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rosebudfics · 8 months
Note
Y/N's last night
Y/N is terribly ill and this is their last night, Brandon (or Severus) is deeply shaken but remains by their side that night
Colonel Brandon x ill female! reader
warnings: death, mention of death, coughing up blood, ANGST ANGST ANGST, the illness isnt contagious, the death isnt really realistic, kinda short sorry lol
A/N: OMG MY HEARTTT CANT TAKE THIS ITS SO SAD 😭 i decided to go with colonel brandon because i havnt written for him yet!! However if anyone wants me to, I can also write a severus version!
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Colonel Brandon was waiting outside of your bedroom, his hair and clothes dishevelled as he heard the doctors talking. He was breathing heavily, shaking slightly. He couldn't lose you, not like this...
One of the doctors walked out of the bedroom, turning to Brandon with a sorrowful face. "Colonel, I'm sorry to be the bearer of such horrible news, but... miss y/n won't be with us for much longer. This sickness.. It's much worse than we ever anticipated,"
Brandon felt sick himself as he stared at the doctor. "Surely there's something you can do. T-There must be something--anything!" He had stepped closer to the doctor.
The doctor just looked at him sadly. "We've already done everything we can. Doing anything more will cause her more pain... she only has a few hours to live, maybe a day if we're lucky although it's not likely,"
Brandon took a deep breath, turning around as tears stung his eyes. He let out a sob, leaning onto the wall for support as his knees began to buckle.
"Colonel, you must sit down-" The doctor placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Does she know?" Brandon asked, not looking up at him.
"... yes, we already informed her."
The colonel squeezed his eyes shut as the pain in his chest increased. How could this be happening?
"Can I see her?" He asked, not realising how quiet his voice was.
"Of course.." The doctor took his hand off his shoulder. "Again colonel, I am... terribly sorry. I wish there was more we could do." And with that, the doctor left.
Brandon took a moment before straightening himself, and walking into your bedroom. He let out a soft sob when he saw you on the bed, how pale and skinny and clammy you were. When you heard him, you weakly lifted your head to him.
"C-christopher-" You tried saying his name before going in a fit of violent gasps for air. You grabbed the handkerchief beside you and coughed into it, pulling it back to look at the blood you hacked up.
Brandon rushes over to your side, getting on his knees beside the bed and starts to push any strands of hair out of your damp face. He tried keeping it together but he could not stop the silent tears that started to run down his face.
You looked over to him and frowned when you saw him crying. "Honey, please don't cry..." You reached your hand over shakily as you caressed his face, wiping away the tears that wouldn't stop. He took the hand on his face in his own as he stroked your knuckles.
"I don't want to lose you... p-please," he let out a sob, leaning into your palm. You smiled sadly as a tear of your own came rolling down your face.
"Christopher, I won't be leaving you okay? I'll be here, always here.." You run your hand down his cheek, down his neck to over his heart. His heart clenched, squeezing his eyes shut as more tears streamed down his face. "Come lay with me... I would rather pass in your arms than be cold," You let out a weak laugh, attempting to shuffle over so he had room, but he quickly stood up and helped you.
Brandon shuffled as close to you as he could, as he looked down at you and caressed your face. "Even in your last moments, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes upon."
You let out a soft but weak chuckle, coughing a bit. Once you were done coughing you looked back up at him. "And you are the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes upon.... Christopher?"
"Yes?" He asked, his voice slightly cracking and shaky.
"Can you... read to me?" You asked quietly, resting your head back on the pillow as you breathed heavily, already tired from moving.
"Of course, my love... " He shifted slightly, grabbing a book from the bedside table full of famous poems. Brandon settled back down beside you, before reading out,
"Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind For, from the nunnery Of thy chaste breast, and quiet mind, To war and arms I fly. True, a new mistress now I chase, The first foe in the field; And with a stronger faith – embrace A sword, a horse, a shield. Yet this unconstancy is such As you too shall adore; For, I could not love thee, Dear, so much, Loved I not honour more."
You smiled softly, cuddling more close to him. You both stayed like that for a long while, him reading to you as you cuddled him. You were starting to feel more exhausted by the minute, but you were still comfortable. You knew your time was coming to an end.
"Christopher," You interrupted him, your voice raspy.
"Yes, love?"
"...I love you,"
His heart broke as he realised what was happening. Brandon took a deep, shaky breath before replying. "I love you more, darling.."
You leaned up, closing your eyes, then pressing a shaky kiss to his lips. He kissed back, a tear rolling down his face. With that, you fell limp in his arms as he held you. He was quiet for a moment as he looked down at your frail, lifeless body, before letting out a wail in despair.
You were gone.
You were really gone.
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lyss-sketchbox · 23 days
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Ok coming off anon because I'm trying to conquer the constant social anxiety lmao (same person who sent you Longass Thoughts on Natlan AQ) - SO YEAH personally I like Ei's character but foaming a bit at the mouth because I feel like my favorite parts of her character (namely she was NOT ready to be the archon when makoto kicked the bucket, she's got that good ol' warrior-weapon mindset knocking around in there- having her actually confront the ugly truth of the consequences of her actions was such a missed opportunity. it would've been SO good to see her actually get confronted personally without any sugarcoating. i think her learning to be less of a shitty archon would've been so much better then)
also like. im sure there were a lot of ways to improve Inazuma's story but personally i thought it would've been cooler if kokomi was a bit more. morally grey lmao. like willing to do not-so-nice things to fight god because that's what they're doing. mortals attempting to defy the god that holds dominion over their land (bc the electro archon isn't really Watatsumi's god specifically!! bc uh lmao ei killed him lol)
but yea for real in natlan every "serious problem" was severely undercut by "actually it's all good now" like "kachina is totally fine after being chased by the abyss in the afterlife, she was protected by the wayob so it's all good and she's also mentally ok" and it's like what. what are you talking about.
AND THE ARchON thing i feel like im the only one who has a gripe. tbf the story is not done yet BUT MY QUESTION IS CELESTIA ALLOWED A HUMAN (MULTIPLE EVEN) TO ASCend to the divine throne???? Like what??? IT feels like it runs counter to everything-
and like uh feels like we got really really far away from like. when you talk about the archon war in liyue it was a literal bloodbath. sacrifices upon sacrifices were made, the modern day liyue was built upon the corpses of friend and foe alike because there was no other choice. you couldn't abstain, you would die.
but in natlan???? no gods??? what???? im just losing it more than a bit over here that natlan is trying simultaneously to be a grim land of constant war but also sunshine friendship and rainbows.
at this point im prepared to be disappointed and just crossing my fingers the good writing comes back for snezhnaya's AQ bc if they fuck up snezhnaya i will literally never forgive them
Its all good man, youre so welcome to debate and talk off anon, we may disagree but never hate.
Im putting all my ramblings under cut since its gonna be as equally long and spoilery hdjsnsn
About Ei
I completely forgot about how Ei was originally a kagemusha, a weapon for her sister, her sister did all the archon work while Ei simply stood by her side. Its makes perfect sense that after the death of her sister, she would make very bad not thought out decisions and because she is an archon now, those bad decisions has really really bad aftermaths.
I personally do not have any gripes about her being basically clueless about the outside world. Grief manifests in different ways and locking yourself away and justifying it as a twisted way to gain enlightment of eternity the way your sister did, it can make sense. It is a consequence!! She is clueless of how to be an archon and what is going on in her nation, her SQ could have been used to show her trying to understand and emphatize with her people to be a better archon. NOT A REASON TO MAKE HER AN uwu sad defenseless waifu cant cook and doesnt know anything. Brother she fucking killed people and almost destroyed her nation.
About Kokomi
I like the idea of morally grey kokomi actually. It makes alot of sense. Kokomi and the watatsumi people might have some vishap descendance but they are still humans, even less so with visions. Theyre also lacking the supplies and expertise needed to continue a war with an entire nation and its archon. It would make sense that she would accept the fatuis help since they share the sentiment of 'getting to inazuma and its archon'.
But it was shown she wasnt even aware who the anonymous donor is, hell she wasnt aware people where using delusions until people starts dying. And for a girl who wrote an entire guide book with 100 different alternate plans, HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THIS COMING...............
About Natlan's system
Yeah they really brushed off the dying part and potentially being stuck in genshin limbo if you dont get out in time too casually. The tiny child you retrieved from limbo also is... very chill and not mentally scarred or anything, she wasnt putting up a brave face, she was simply unaffected?????? One on kachina's voiceovers is gonna talk about her death but im not friendship 4 with her yet. I hope it explains SOMETHING.
Yeah the first time i heard that the archon was human and has been replaced multiple times had me gawking too, i can excuse that Celestia has been strangely inactive FOR NOW.
I wanted to bring up how the hydro archon throne being broken and Neuvi regaining his sovernity didnt even call Celestia to action but GUESS WHAT??? I DONT KNOW IF NATLAN HAPPENED BEFORE OR AFTER FONTAINE BECAUSE THEY DECIDE TO LOWER THE REQUIREMENTS TO DO NATLAN AQ!!!!!!! But well if it happened after (since Neuvis end dialogue told us to go to Natlan next), well... Celestia isnt called either so theyve just been inactive for 500 years of Natlans weird system ig.
About the """Nation of War"""
Yeah man. Sacrifices and war was dealt better in liyue. Same as Natlan, it is a nation built of war. There was war in the past, sacrifices were made to built the liyue we know now. But the sacrifices in liyue was not brushed off or belittled, those sacrifices had meaning and the people of liyue hold very high regards for the fallen. In Natlan? Its treated like some sort of sick hunger games event, they made war into entertainment.
Oh but they need the tournaments to keep the natlan fire alive. THEN RUN A SEPERATE FUCKING TOURNEY?????? MAKE EVERYONE WHO HAS AN ANCIENT NAME HAVE PROPER TRAINING AND GO TO WAR IN ARMIES PROPER???? THIS SHIT DOESNT NEED TO BE ENTERTAINMENT AND YET YOU DID. Maybe the flames are small BECAUSE YOU PICK ONLY 5 PEOPLE EVERYTIME WHEN THERES LITERALLY NO REASON VETERANS LIKE KINICH AND MUALANI TO SIT IT OUT JUST BECAUSE THEY LOST.
Oh but the ode of resurrection only works on limited people THEN SEND OUT THE BEST PEOPLE THEN???????? MUALANI, A 3 TIMES VETERAN, LOST TO KACHINA. CLEARLY THE TOURNEYS ARENT RELIABLE TO PICK WHO TO SEND.
While i can understand that while Liyue is past war and Natlan is still in war, this is... not how people in war act. The entertainment the happiness the hospitality. Its not efforts to keep morale high its literally just... happy people, sometimes they get attacked by abyss monsters yeah cool but otherwise theyre completely happy just living like that. Thats why the Nation of War thing isnt working at all, these people are not how people STILL IN WAR act. Theres no anxiety no uncertainty no worry at all, not even a smidget. These people live like happy prospering people.
You know what happened to people tryna be happy prospering people while still in war in liyue? Havria.
I hope they bring back the high AR requirement for snezhnaya so snezhnaya can be chronologically correct. I hope they take snezhnaya seriously. I hope Natlan atleast wont pull an inazuma and tripped at the very end
NONE OF THAT POWER OF FRIENDSHIP BS EITHER I didnt believe it when mualani fucking knocked it over our heads over and over and over again and its not gonna work now.
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msbunnat · 29 days
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sorry if it was asked before, but is your webcomic about ganymede and zeus will explore their relationship differently from the usual “kidnapped/raped/died” like will it show something more complex with ganymede fallin’ for Zeus but zeus being zeus and a god it will mean his ruin?
Hi! Its ok, I like people making questions (this the point of all my pre-comic art kkkk).
So, on my take I will use mostly what all myths have in common: the kidnapping and Ganimedes become immortal. Yes, those re the ONLY two things. After digging this myth so much, all versions have differents things to say (like, its not always Zeus the kidnapper; when its him, not all versions say Ganimedes was a lover to him; not all vesions even agree with his age and what he was doing before the kidnapping; the aquarius thing too is way debatable... in resume its a short myth with a lot of takes since ancient Greece and I'm doing my take -
*Plato was so bias to this myth as a love story that had spread like it is I guess. AND MY BIGEST OPP OVIDIO BASTARD GUY THAT DISTORTED SO MUCH THE MYTHS TO MAKE ALL HELENIC GODS LOOK WAY WORSE, THAT EVERYTHING AFTER HIM IS ALSO WAY WORSE!!! (Sorry, any oportunit I will talk how this guy ruined a lot their reputations). So like, there is no original to use as a solid base.
That said, It will be a complex relationship yes. But I will not tell if there is love or lust or anything, the fun is to discover it yourself, interpret and make questions (be decive by my characther bwahahahahah). Again, its deep, but is not so serious, I'm exploring and having fun. -w-
(BIG) Side note:
I cant find any sorce that says Ganimedes actually died, where do people take it? I have interpretations as the myth is about his real death (my interpretations goes on that direction), but on the myth itself, he never died. If you know the sourse, please tell me!
And about Zeus, after looking into him, and a lot of gods, I thing a lot of people dont care much what Zeus really means and is, think he is a pure mostrous ugly cartoonish villain thing that only think about sex... (dont get me wrong, I'm not denying or excusing his cheating and grapists things! I belive he was all this, but not the way people are used to think I guess - to me he grapes by decive, not by force and that is something intresting to explore). But there is so much more, he was a god really focused on justice and peace, he try to protect everyone in some cases and act in a way to make terms with what everyone wants... At the same time he is prideful of who he is and loves to joke around (really, he is a prankister too, in both good and bad ways). I have also find some people interpreting him being abused by Metis on some myths...
Its so sad people dont give a second look on him, when he have to many sides (and to all bad he have done, there is others gods that made the same or way worse, but they dont get this treatment).
I blame Hercules by disney! kkkkk Cause people got intrested in greek mythology and found out he was a complex being and hated that, and there is more 'nice' and 'romantic' myths about Hades kkkkkkkkkk
Welp, I'm still studying, but its getting kinda boring because Zeus have way to many myths and conections, makes me want to watch quick videos about him, but almost all dont tell the sorce ;-;
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