#but if you ask me to sing joker out songs then I’ll be up and ready

[invece-sto-sdraiato]

Good lord

Today my anxiety levels became like this 📈📈📈 when my guitar teacher asked me to sing. While me, having never listened to any tamil song enough to know complete & proper lyrics: 😰😰😰

The thing is that, I have crippling stage fright when I have to sing. Like really horrible. I haven’t sung to my parents since like… 2020. And they NEVER let me forget that. Especially since I’ve won two awards at school for it in the span of two years.

I do feel bad about it, but this fear seems to be the worst with my parents and friends. With others/strangers, it’s not THAT bad (but it isn’t great either)

The biggest crime here probably is the fact that I’m not a bad singer. My voice is like… okay ig??? Sorry, I’m super insecure about my voice. Gaaahhh when will I overcome this?

[sevenboarproductions]

[IDOLiSH7] [Part 6] Chapter 10: Inherited Melody

6.10.1. - So it reaches you

Nanase Riku: What are we gonna do about the setlist!?

Yotsuba Tamaki: It’s made of four songs, right!? Do we go with the ones we like best?

Izumi Iori:  It won’t become a good live if we just randomly choose four songs. Isn’t that right, manager?

Takanashi Tsumugi: That’s true. I think we should consider how we want to excite the audience and also keep a theme in mind!

Izumi Mitsuki: A theme, huh…. What kind of thing would be good? I’d like a bright, festive theme!

Nikaidou Yamato: Avoiding overlap with other groups is important, too.

Nikaidou Yamato: Overlapping is fine, but we need to make sure to not bore the audience.

Izumi Iori:  To narrow down the theme, wouldn’t it be fine to mainly structure it around the new song?

Ousaka Sougo: Uhm, actually, I’d like some advice from everyone about the new song…

Nanase Riku: The new IDOLiSH7 song Sougo-san is making, right!  What kind of advice do you need?

Ousaka Sougo: If possible… I’d like Nagi to help me.

Rokuya Nagi:: Me?

Ousaka Sougo: Yes…. With MEZZO’’, I can do what I want the way I want to do it, but… 

Ousaka Sougo: IDOLiSH7’s songs should be the way IDOLiSH7 does things… I was thinking I want to make a melody that still preserves Sakura-san’s spirit.

Ousaka Sougo: Nagi-kun, you know Sakura-san the best and have a positive attitude just like IDOLiSH7’s songs… 

Ousaka Sougo: I would be happy to have you help me. ….Would that be alright?

Rokuya Nagi: Wow! Welcome! You’re very welcome!

Ousaka Sougo: Really!?

Rokuya Nagi: From the time I was born up until now, I’ve never gotten a proposal that is such an honor to accept!

Rokuya Nagi: Being able to become a composer just like Haruki, that is!

Izumi Mitsuki: I’m glad for you, Nagi! I’m sure Sakura-san will be happy as well!

Rokuya Nagi: Do you think so…?

Nanase Riku: He’ll definitely be happy. When the song you two write is done, let’s sing it as loud as possible so it reaches Sakura-san.

Nikaidou Yamato: And Sou’s uncle, too.

Ousaka Sougo: …Yes.

Rokuya Nagi: Thanks! I’ll do my best!

Yotsuba Tamaki: Everyone’s doing their own way! Iorin started being a producer, too.

Izumi Iori: I’ve been doing that since before you started doing choreography, though.

Yotsuba Tamaki: Ya~y!

Izumi Iori:  Don’t fool around distracting us with high-fives. …So, what would we do? Do we decide by theme? Or by the songs?

Nanase Riku: Uhm, can I ask something just out of curiosity?

Nikaidou Yamato: What? Onii-san’s underwear color?

Nanase Riku: If you’ll tell me, I’ll listen!

Yotsuba Tamaki: Green.

Nikaidou Yamato: How do you know?!

Yotsuba Tamaki: I saw it earlier.

Ousaka Sougo: I saw it, too.

Rokuya Nagi:: I also saw it.

Izumi Mitsuki: It’s because you keep wandering around after taking a bath.

Nikaidou Yamato: Because it’s hot! I end up wanting to open the fridge door right away.

Nanase Riku: I get that! Recently, I also had ice cream and…

Izumi Iori:  Nanase-san, get back on topic. What were you going to ask out of curiosity?

Nanase Riku: I want to know which song everyone would want to include in the four song setlist!

Izumi Mitsuki: MonGen.

Rokuya Nagi: “MONSTER GENERATiON”! It’s our debut song, we should honor it!

Yotsuba Tamaki: I’d also like that. I also like “Sakura Message”. It’s so pretty.

Nikaidou Yamato: I get that. It moves you to tears.

Izumi Mitsuki: What about you, Riku?

Nanase Riku: I also wanna include MonGen! I want to put in “Perfection Gimmick”, too, though.

Izumi Mitsuki: I get that~. I always get pumped up when we sing it.

Nanase Riku: And you, Mitsuki?

Izumi Mitsuki: Maybe “RESTART POiNTER”. I really like “Nanatsuiro REALiZE”, too, though.

Ousaka Sougo: Seems like the venue will have a nice atmosphere. What about you, Iori-kun?

Izumi Iori:  “RESTART POiNTER”, “Mr. AFFECTiON”, “Mallow Blue”…

Nikaidou Yamato: Solid choices... What about you, Nagi? Other than MonGen.

Rokuya Nagi:: Hm… “Joker Flag”.

Izumi Mitsuki: Ah, that one.

Rokuya Nagi:: Rap is cool. And you can feel like a pirate. What would you like, Sougo?

Ousaka Sougo: Something other than MonGen… Maybe “MEMORiES MELODiES”.

Nanase Riku: It’s the song that won Black or White, after all!

Nikaidou Yamato: Aah! That might be nice. It’s like a piece of IDOLiSH7 history. 

Yotsuba Tamaki: The order is important with things like this, too, right? Like whether we’re putting MonGen first or last, for example.

Izumi Iori: That’s true. After raising the mood of the venue, we should think about where we take the audience, and where we want to land.

Izumi Iori:  Since, depending on the setlist, the excitement of the venue, as well as the feeling people leave with will change, too. 

Yotsuba Tamaki: ŹOOḼ seems like they’d want to go all in with a bang.

Rokuya Nagi:: Hm… TRIGGER probably has the best balance. 

Nanase Riku: What about Re:vale?

Nikaidou Yamato: Re:vale is the hardest to read… They can be really graceful with all their songs, and I think they’re going to try making the crowd laugh, too.

Izumi Mitsuki: They could also take the classic royal road, after all~. Re:vale-nii-san are pretty strong, eh.

Izumi Iori:  I want them to take the comedic route and mess up… 

Yotsuba Tamaki: It’s impressive how Iorin wants our enemies to screw up every time.

Izumi Iori:  It is because I respect our enemies and acknowledge their strength. It’s exactly because of that respect I have.

Nanase Riku: So, are we putting in MonGen?

Nikaidou Yamato: Yes….

Izumi Mitsuki: Yeah!

Ousaka Sougo: I think we should…

Rokuya Nagi: Where are the people who want to sing “MONSTER GENERATiON”!

IDOLiSH7: Here!

Izumi Iori:  Well, then… MonGen is decided.

Rokuya Nagi & Izumi Mitsuki & Nanase Riku & Nikaidou Yamato & Ousaka Sougo & Yotsuba Tamaki: Yay!!

Takanashi Tsumugi: Congratulations on deciding! I think this is definitely a song the fans want to listen to, too!

Nanase Riku: Thank you!

Takanashi Tsumugi: I’d like to keep listening to the meeting, but it’s almost time to get moving…

Izumi Iori:  Let’s decide the other contenders later. Everyone, let’s go.

Yotsuba Tamaki: Sure!

Rokuya Nagi:: We’re working fast! We already got one out of four songs on the setlist!

Nikaidou Yamato: No, I’m sure we’ll keep adding and removing things from now on.

Izumi Mitsuki: It's fun no matter how many times you do it! Thinking about the set list is super fun!

Nanase Riku: Then let’s make it a battle of who comes up with the set list I find the best!

Izumi Iori:  MonGen, ResPo, Affection, the new song.

Nikaidou Yamato: How about MemoMelo, Affection, Sakura, new song?

Ousaka Sougo: The new song will be the last, huh…

Nanase Riku: I’m looking forward to the new song! I want to end on a high note with a super good song!

Ousaka Sougo: That… that’s right…

Yotsuba Tamaki: You can do it, you can do it! It’ll be fine, it’ll be fine!

--

Kujou Tenn: What do we do about the setlist?

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: It’s four songs, right? I’m indecisive… But it’s really fun to think about it by ourselves!

Yaotome Gaku: Yeah! If possible, I’d like to think of them as a full set.

Anesagi Kaoru: My, you should put that to use in the next live. 

Yaotome Gaku: The next live? Is it okay if we decide the entire setlist of a TRIGGER live by ourselves?

Anesagi Kaoru: I think it’s good if you try it out. I don’t think you guys will do a bad job.

Anesagi Kaoru: Before that, do your best with the “New Black or White”. 

Yaotome Gaku: …Thank you! One more fun job on our hands again! 

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: I’m glad, it’s all fun things! I hope that our guests and our fans will be happy, too. 

Kujou Tenn: Thinking about it from that angle might be good. “What do we want the fans to feel?” 

Kujou Tenn: Do we want them to spend their time immersed in our refined performance? Do we want their hearts to beat so much they can’t breathe? Or do we want them to laugh happily like children?

Yaotome Gaku: I want to give them all of that. I want them to jump into the extraordinary space we create.

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Like a movie, right? I want them to enjoy action, but also a crime thriller and a romance. 

Kujou Tenn: Extraordinary… movie… That might be a good concept.

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: You think so?

Kujou Tenn: I think it’s close to what we want to express, too.

Kujou Tenn: We want our meeting with the fans to not be a continuation of their ordinary lives, but to be an extraordinary, special experience for them.

Yaotome Gaku: Aah, that's right. We want to take their hands and take them with us. To a once in a lifetime, unforgettable time.

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: It might be a thing only TRIGGER can do. 

Kujou Tenn: I want them to see this gorgeous, luxurious dream as they fall in love with us.

Yaotome Gaku: That’s a fitting image, yeah… 

Yaotome Gaku: We'll carefully escort the people who followed our invitation to that place, climbing the staircase to the extraordinary together.

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Like to a mansion, or a theater… Maybe an atmosphere like an old movie theater could work as well.

Anesagi Kaoru: Isn't that nice. Seems like something we could use for the set.

Yaotome Gaku: If we went with that, would ”DIAMOND FUSION” be a song?

Kujou Tenn: Maybe for the opening. It has passion and could grab the venue's attention. 

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: What about Daybreak? 

Yaotome Gaku: I don't know. It does feel “extraordinary”, but maybe not escort-like…?

Kujou Tenn: Conceptually, LastDim might be better.

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: It might not be the fancy kind of escorting someone, but it does feel like you’re running towards the extraordinary together. 

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: The feeling of not letting go of the hand you've grasped… That’s why I’d like to put Daybreak in.

Yaotome Gaku: You’re making some nice points, Ryuu…

Kujou Tenn: Pulling them close and taking them to the extraordinary, not letting go of their hand throughout the storm and finally escorting them; that might be an option as well.

Kujou Tenn: Because having an element of storytelling draws them into the setting.

Yaotome Gaku: That sounds great! A live with a story fits the theme of movies and the extraordinary as well.

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: That's fun! We still haven't decided anything, but I'm excited!

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: I mean, it'll definitely be a good live and Gaku and Tenn will look the coolest! 

Yaotome Gaku: That's my line! If we were doing a phantom theme, Ryuu would be the best fit. 

Kujou Tenn: The Phantom of the Opera, huh? There's romance in that, and I’d also want to include sexy songs. 

Yaotome Gaku: I want to include them, too. Maybe Secret Night.

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: What about “Leopard Eyes”?

Kujou Tenn: That's right… Ah, wait… That song…

Yaotome Gaku: Eh?

Kujou Tenn: That song by Magechon-san… Doesn't it fit the concept perfectly?

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: That's true… The image of carefully escorting someone into a luxurious extraordinary world… 

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: It might be perfect.

Yaotome Gaku: Have you still not been able to contact Magechon-san? 

Anesagi Kaoru: It seems that way. Next time on the radio show, we're planning to make you ask them to message you once more. 

Kujou Tenn: I see…

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: I hope we can get in contact with them.

Yaotome Gaku: Right…

Anesagi Kaoru: It certainly was really good. I can already imagine TRIGGER singing it at the “New Black or White”.

Kujou Tenn: When I heard that song… I had the feeling I was meeting our past selves. 

Yaotome Gaku: But at the same time, it felt like meeting our future selves, too.

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Maybe it’s because they did say they liked TRIGGER… I don't know how to put it… 

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: It made me feel that we were in a spot where our fan’s like us to be. 

Yaotome Gaku: That's right, that’s right! I got a feeling of mutual love.

Yaotome Gaku: Both the TRIGGER we are building and the TRIGGER within that song’s soul were…

Anesagi Kaoru: Like, “let's start dating already”?

Yaotome Gaku: Well, yeah… 

Kujou Tenn: If Magechon-san is fine with it, that is, but… 

Yaotome Gaku: They said they wanted us to sing it, right? Though they did add a “(lol)”…

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: If it starts becoming reality, it might be difficult, though. I was kind of scared of the entertainment world at first, too… 

Yaotome Gaku: But isn’t it an opportunity for them? 

Kujou Tenn: It might not be a person who wants an opportunity. There's people who don't want to stand out too much, too. 

Kujou Tenn: If we sing it, there will be quite a few people who say they like or hate it. 

Kujou Tenn: No matter how much we want to sing it, we need to make Magechon-san’s feelings, as an ordinary person, a priority. 

Yaotome Gaku: That's true… I hope they feel the same, though.

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: There's still time. Let's wait and see if we can get in touch!

Kujou Tenn: Yes

Yaotome Gaku: Yeah!

~ to be continued ~

--

6.10.2. - Taking our own shape

Yuki: So, what do we do about the setlist? 

Momo: Four songs, huh… I definitely want to win.

Yuki: Right. 

Momo: Can I put in an MC corner?

Yuki: Isn’t that as if we entered the competition as MCs? 

Okazaki Rinto: If you put in a big MC segment, it’ll be too long.

Yuki: There won’t be a turn like, “everyone, sit down~”? 

Okazaki Rinto: This time, it should be like, “attack, attack, attack, finish”. 

Yuki: It won’t, huh…

Momo: Let’s think of a setlist that will lead us to certain victory!! With the godlike setlist I came up with as a Re:vale fan we’ll overwhelm the others!

Yuki: Oh, what will it be like?

Momo: First, our debut song! Ah, but, isn’t that because of my own attachment to it…!?

Yuki: Wouldn’t it be nice? We haven’t sung it a lot lately.

Momo: I wanna put this one in, too. The one where we collaborated with a travel agency for a snowboard commercial…

Yuki: Ah, that one. But isn’t it a little too well-behaved to put in a live? 

Yuki: What about the song we sang at the charity live with TRIGGER? 

Momo: I considered that, too, but I thought it could be unfair since the song is so king-like… 

Yuki: It also doesn’t feel that exciting.  

Okazaki Rinto: Then what do you think about something like this? The one that became a song for an energy drink commercial…

Momo: I like that one, but the hook of the chorus is long, so. 

Yuki: Whenever that song ends, both me and the fans end up exhausted. 

Momo: If it’s just me who’s energetic, you might as well call it a battle royal. 

Okazaki Rintarou: Wouldn’t this one be good? You know, the one you wrote before, the wedding song. 

Yuki: That one isn’t finished.

Okazaki Rintarou: Finish it. Won’t you sing it at my wedding?

Yuki: Definitely not.

Momo: President, you’re holding a wedding ceremony!?

Okazaki Rintarou: Well, if Re:vale is going to make a wedding song, someone has to get married. 

Okazaki Rinto: President, please stop abusing your power. 

Yuki: Ah, but isn’t Momo’s older sister, Ruri-san, about to marry soon?

Momo: Right, right.

Yuki: If it’s for Ruri-san’s wedding, it might be fine to make the song.

Momo: Really!? Nee-chan will be super happy! 

Yuki: You think so? No, I mean, I did think I’d get invited, but what if I’m not?

Momo: I… I don’t think that would happen. 

Okazaki Rintarou: If that happens, you can come sing at my wedding.

Yuki: No, I can’t.

Momo: Even though I promised it earlier, making a godlike setlist is hard… What do you want to sing, Yuki? 

Yuki: Hm, right… 

Yuki: “Re-raise”.

Momo: That one!? Why!?

Yuki: Because it seems happy. 

Yuki: We had it rough at that time, but when we sang that song so carelessly, we were happy. 

Momo: …That sounds so cool…

Yuki: You think so?

Momo: It’s really cool…

Yuki: What are you saying? Isn’t it all thanks to you, Momo? 

Momo: That’s not true! Ah… My oshi is always cool… Did you two know already, too? 

Okazaki Rintarou: I knew it.

Okazaki Rinto: I knew it, too.

Momo: It was cool, wasn’t it!

Yuki: What songs do you want, Momo? I wanted to hear your godlike setlist. 

Momo: Noo, I can’t narrow it down to four songs. I have around 50 songs in my head. 

Yuki: If we sing that many in a live, I’ll die.

Okazaki Rinto: How about deciding the theme first and then narrowing down the number of songs? 

Momo: A theme, huh…

Okazaki Rinto: Yes. Imagining the stage set will become easier, too.

Yuki: How about returning to the start with new freshness? 

Momo: That’s nice!

Momo: And we want to show our current fans a fresh, hardworking Re:vale, too, right! 

Yuki: Right.

Momo: But I also want to take the time we’ve spent together and the things we’ve built over the years, too…

Momo: I’m not talking about Re-raise from earlier, but I also want to put in the kind of carefreeness that comes from maturity… 

Momo: Fresh, carefree, without being too reckless, smart, witty… 

Yuki: Like going on a journey?

Momo: Yeah, that might be it! I wouldn’t go far enough to call it an adventure. More like… feeling at ease because you know what you’re in for…

Yuki: The feeling of being at ease and knowing what you’re in for… And also witty and fresh….

Yuki: Like the moment when you unlock a door with a click? 

Momo: That! As if the moments of unlocking just keep going!

Yuki: Opening the lock, freely stepping towards the next door… opening another lock and continuing onwards.

Momo: And as you keep unlocking those doors with a click, you keep becoming freer! You start to feel excited and refreshed like an adult! 

Yuki: That’s nice, it’s like us. 

Momo: Let’s keep going like this and think about the rest of the setlist! And the new song, too! 

Yuki: Alright.

--

Natsume Minami: What would you like the setlist for “New Black or White” to be?

Inumaru Touma: Well, Mina, you’re the one making the songs, so you can decide.

Midou Torao: That’s probably the best.

Isumi Haruka: It should be balanced with the new song, too, right.

Natsume Minami: You think so? Well then, with that: Are there any requests?

Inumaru Touma: Not really, but it'd be nice if it had an exciting feeling to it.

Isumi Haruka: I want the new song to get you hyped-up. It's about time we one-upped the others. 

Midou Torao: I'd like a post-apocalyptic, super flashy set.

Natsume Minami: That’s a lot of requests, isn’t it…? I don't like having the role of the organizer. 

Utsugi Shirou: Then I'll do it. 

Isumi Haruka: You can do that…？

Utsugi Shirou: I ‘ll use a whiteboard to create a mindmap. It’s easy to understand visually.

Inumaru Touma: Sounds like you dropped some business lingo there. 

Utsugi Shirou: The main topic is “Black or White Live Showdown”, right?

Isumi Haruka: Seems right.

Utsugi Shirou: With that as the center, I'll put down the ideas from before while gradually branching out and adding onto it. Uhm, it was… 

Utsugi Shirou: “An exciting feeling”, “Getting hyped-up”, “One-upping the others”, “Post -apocalypse”, “Flashy”.

Natsume Minami: Hearing it again, this starts to sound like the executive meeting of some kind of evil organization, doesn't it? 

Inumaru Touma: When you hear things like “one-upping the others”, yeah.

Isumi Haruka: Isn't that good? I mean, I also like songs about doing your best even when things are hard, but this time I wanna get lost in a feeling of boundless power already. 

Natsume Minami: That's puberty for you.

Inumaru Touma: Post-apos… Post-apscalyp… Post-apocapolyse?

Midou Torao: Post-apocalypse. 

Inumaru Touma: What does post-apocalypse mean?

Midou Torao: Like, the end of the world? A destroyed world where civilization has collapsed?

Natsume Minami: Looks like it will become an interesting set. I’d like to not overlap with the futuristic feeling of “BLAST” though… 

Midou Torao: No, we’re going for something that’s more nasty than that. For example… It could be like an antlion pit¹...

Inumaru Touma: An antlion pit…?

Isumi Haruka: Ah, stuff like that. Like when there’s turned over cars lying around. 

Natsume Minami: I see. We could have a huge cage hung up and things like that. 

Utsugi Shirou: That sounds good. It fits ŹOOḼ’s image perfectly. 

Inumaru Touma: Just what’s your idea of ŹOOḼ, Utsugi-san…?

Utsugi Shirou: It gives you the feeling of a world of outlaws, doesn’t it. Like something coming crawling at your feet. 

Midou Torao: Aah, nice. That’s cool.

Isumi Haruka: Crawling around is cool…? Isn't that scary…?

Midou Torao: It’s cool! You know, crawling around like a giant desert creature. 

Utsugi Shirou: Like a giant centipede.

Isumi Haruka: Centipedes are a no-go! If I was singing and there was a giant centipede wriggling around, there's no way I could focus.

Midou Torao: I would be like “Oh, it's doing that, so we gotta do it, too”. 

Isumi Haruka: No way. What's up with you saying that like it’s a pet.

Natsume Minami: I’m fine with the idea but our main fan base is women. I don’t think that would be popular with them.

Midou Torao: That might be true… I also don’t like centipedes, even if they aren’t giant. 

Inumaru Touma: Well, huge things are cool. Lizards don’t really work for that, but I like dinosaurs. 

Isumi Haruka: Huge animals are nice. Mh, which one do we go with? 

Natsume Minami: Maybe a fish moving around in the cool water, or a snake…

Inumaru Touma: Aren't there a lot of girls who hate snakes, as well?

Natsume Minami: I'm popular.

Inumaru Touma: I'm not talking about you though, Mina… You really think of snakes as your kind, don't you?

Natsume Minami: You see, that's because my true identity is a snake. I'm just disguised as a human to repay my debt to you, Inumaru-san. 

Inumaru Touma: Eh?

Natsume Minami: Do you not remember that time you saved me when we were kids?

Inumaru Touma: … Uhm…

Natsume Minami: Don't take it seriously.

Inumaru Touma: You scared me! I thought you might be the one I met in a field in the countryside when I was a kid!

Utsugi Shirou: Centipede, snake… For now, let's go with “long creatures”?

Isumi Haruka: I like that. This set is cool, like a movie. Especially the turned-over car.

Midou Torao: No, especially the antlion pit.

Natsume Minami: I think the hung-up cage does it.

Inumaru Touma: All of them are good! The other groups aren't going to go for a vibe this dusty, so it seems like a good way to set ourselves apart.

Natsume Minami: If the set is going to be a destroyed world at its end, I want the new song to match that. What were the requests again…?

Inumaru Touma: “Exciting”, “one-upping the others”.

Natsume Minami: Then instead of a theme as severe as “how are we going to survive?”, going for a feeling like “searching for paradise” might be better. 

Isumi Haruka: Like living in a dystopia while searching for a utopia. 

Inumaru Touma: Aah! That sounds nice!

Midou Torao: I'm starting to look forward to the new song.

Natsume Minami: Fufu, I'm looking forward to making it as well. I got a lot of inspiration now.

Isumi Haruka: I wish we could give them the feeling that we’re taking the whole audience along to the utopia! 

Inumaru Touma: Right! I wanna stir up the crowd！Utsugi-san. 

Utsugi Shirou: What is it？

Inumaru Touma: We might surpass RedFes at the “New Black or White”.

Utsugi Shirou: That sounds terrific. I'm really looking forward to it. 

Isumi Haruka: Yeah! You should be! 

Inumaru Touma: Alright! Let’s keep up this mood and decide the setlist!

Midou Torao: Yeah!

~to be continued~

--

6.10.3. - Seven colors

Izumi Iori: But as an impression, that’s… 

Cameraman: Good morning.

Yotsuba Tamaki: Ah, it’s a person from BackMagic. 

Nanase Riku: Hello~ We were given a lot of sweets, so here you go. Eat them, please. 

Cameraman: Ah, thanks…

Nanase Riku: Another one!

Cameraman: Ah, uhm…

Nikaidou Yamato: He doesn’t have his hands free. He’s holding a camera, you know. 

Nanase Riku: Ah, is that so.

Izumi Mitsuki: Pocket, pocket.

Rokuya Nagi: OK! I’ll put it in here.

Cameraman: Ahaha, sorry. Is this really fine…?

Ousaka Sougo: Take it, take it.

Cameraman: Thank you very much. Please, continue talking… 

Yotsuba Tamaki: No, no, you can’t record that! It’s a secret! It’s super secret! 

Rokuya Nagi: It’s top secret!

Nikaidou Yamato: We were having ideas. About the stage set for “New Black or White”. 

Cameraman: I think this program will be broadcast after “Black or White”, so if you don’t mind, can I film it? 

Yotsuba Tamaki: Then it’s fine, but… don’t tell on us, Mister.

Cameraman: Roger.

Rokuya Nagi: Are spoilers OK? You’ll enjoy it more if you don’t know.

Cameraman: Yes…! I’m a bit conflicted, but I’m at work, so I will be filming.

Rokuya Nagi: Alright! Let’s get back to the meeting then!

Cameraman: That… That whiteboard…

Cameraman: The thing that’s depicted there, is that an impression of the set…? 

Nanase Riku: I hope it works. 

Izumi Iori: I wonder if we can do it… But if nobody is on stage, that would be lonely, right? 

Izumi Mitsuki: Then, what if we have the people on the stage and people riding this thing part? 

Rokuya Nagi: Like departing and being sent off? 

Yotsuba Tamaki: Eeh? Isn’t that lonely?

Ousaka Sougo: It’s not lonely. It seems like the new song will be a cheerful one. Probably…

Nikaidou Yamato: Besides, if there is a difference in height, the idea of the sky is easier to feel. 

Izumi Mitsuki: There’s people in a high place and people in a low place looking up, but they’re connected through the same sky. 

Nanase Riku: That’s great! No matter where we are, everyone is together!

Nanase Riku: Summer’s over already, but the cumulonimbus clouds² were really huge. 

Izumi Iori: What are you saying all of a sudden?

Nanase Riku: Hearing all the fans’ voices and singing below the bright lights makes me feel like I’ll become a cumulonimbus cloud. 

Izumi Mitsuki: Aah, I get that! Even when I look up at everyone, I end up feeling like I got a super huge body!

Izumi Mitsuki: Like that, I could reach out to the audience seats and get the feeling of hugging everyone! 

Yotsuba Tamaki: Nice! A kind, huge monster.

Rokuya Nagi: Becoming a big monster and hugging my friends!

Ousaka Sougo: If it’s about a cumulonimbus cloud… then after all, this vehicle might be good. It has a soft form. 

Izumi Iori: I think that’s good. Because a rocket would be too fast, but it also doesn’t  give the feeling of a bird flapping its wings. 

Yotsuba Tamaki: Takin’ our time enjoying lightly flying with us, that’s a lot like us.

Rokuya Nagi: Then what do we do with this song? To the blue sky, the starry sky. Aurora, sunrise… 

Nanase Riku: Isn’t that just a galaxy!?

Yotsuba Tamaki: It’s space!

Nikaidou Yamato: Don't do something so big! If we’re too flashy, we’ll end up looking like our equally flashy senpai! 

Izumi Mitsuki: We won’t lose! What if during the live, we started flying, broke through the ceiling and kept flying?

Izumi Iori: Destroying the venue is a bit… 

Rokuya Nagi: OH! If we hold back, we’ll get surpassed by Re:vale! 

Izumi Iori: Seems like it’ll work… If we build a pool on the stage and appear on the boat.

Izumi Mitsuki: Seems like it’ll work~! It’s like dancing in a marine colored costume! 

Nanase Riku: The kind that splashes waves into the front row! 

Yotsuba Tamaki: The kind that makes people wear a raincoat! We’ll definitely sell it in Re:vale colors!

Ousaka Sougo: As expected, you’re great at business…

Nanase Riku: Aah! I’m really looking forward to the other groups’ lives, but I won’t lose! 

Nanase Riku: Iori！

Izumi Iori: Yes.

Nanase Riku: Make us win! 

Izumi Iori: …

Izumi Iori: We will win. Us, IDOLiSH7, will reach the top.

Yotsuba Tamaki ＆ Nikaidou Yamato ＆Izumi Mitsuki ＆ Nanase Riku ＆ Rokuya Nagi  & Ousaka Sougo: Yeah…!!

Izumi Iori: We’ll even fly the stage set to the moon.

Yotsuba Tamaki ＆ Nikaidou Yamato ＆Izumi Mitsuki ＆ Nanase Riku ＆ Rokuya Nagi ＆Ousaka Sougo: Yeaaah…!!

Izumi Mitsuki: It’s fine to destroy the venue after all.

Izumi Iori: We’ll obtain the rainbow, the stars, even the sun; without leaving a single thing behind. 

Nikaidou Yamato: You’re confident.

Izumi Iori: Don’t make fun of me. This isn’t like writing on a tanzaku on tanabata; it’s not an innocent, fleeting wish.

Izumi Iori: We who sang in front of an audience of nine people…

Izumi Iori: If we reach out with our hands right now, our wish is within reach. 

Izumi Iori: Nikaidou-san.

Nikaidou Yamato: …

Izumi Iori: Nii-san.

Izumi Mitsuki: …

Izumi Iori: Yotsuba-san.

Yotsuba Tamaki: …

Izumi Iori: Ousaka-san.

Ousaka Sougo: …

Izumi Iori: Rokuya-san.

Rokuya Nagi: …

Izumi Iori: And finally, Nanase-san.

Nanase Riku: …

Izumi Iori: Do you have the resolve to change the world? 

Nikaidou Yamato: Yeah!

Izumi Mitsuki: Let’s do it!

Yotsuba Tamaki: Let’s win together!

Ousaka Sougo: Yeah!

Rokuya Nagi: Yes! We are top idols! 

Nanase Riku: Even if we extended our hands, our selves back then wouldn’t have been able to grasp it, but… 

Nanase Riku: Let’s grasp it!

IDOLiSH7: Yeah…!!

Izumi Iori: Let’s surpass both our rivals and the kings and leap over it.

Izumi Iori: After all, we are the seven-colored rainbow starting the new era. 

~ to be continued ~

--

6.10.4. - The world moves on 

Phone: ♪～

Yotsuba Tamaki: Ah… it’s from Tenten. I wonder if it’s about Aya.

(beep)

Yotsuba Tamaki: Hello.

Kujou Tenn on the phone: Kujou speaking. Is right now fine?

Yotsuba Tamaki: It’s fine. Is this about Aya?

Kujou Tenn on the phone: Yes.

Yotsuba Tamaki: Is Aya debuting? 

Kujou Tenn on the phone: I didn’t hear anything about that. If it was Aya’s wish, I’d want to grant it though.

Kujou Tenn on the phone: Instead of doing it for herself, Aya wants to be an idol for Kujou-san’s sake. 

Yotsuba Tamaki: …Both our manager and Rikkun cooperated with him on “Zero”, so I don’t think he’s all bad.  

Yotsuba Tamaki: But why does Aya support him that much?

Kujou Tenn on the phone: Will you listen to me calmly? 

Yotsuba Tamaki: Eh~? I don’t like that start… You’re gonna say something that makes my head spin, aren’t you? 

Kujou Tenn on the phone: …If I was in your place and Riku was my sister, I think my head would spin a little. 

Yotsuba Tamaki: I don’t want that… I don’t wanna hear it… But there’s no use, I’ll listen. Since I’m her older brother… 

Kujou Tenn on the phone: How admirable. 

Yotsuba Tamaki: Alright… Tell me. 

Kujou Tenn on the phone: If I said “probably”, it would be rude to Aya. From my point of view, it’s that she admires him.

Yotsuba Tamaki: Hm? Yeah.

Kujou Tenn on the phone: Aya likes Kujou-san. In the romantic sense… it seems. She proposed to Kujou-san. 

Yotsuba Tamaki: …

Kujou Tenn on the phone: …Are you okay?

Yotsuba Tamaki: Tenten, you’re an idol, right?

Kujou Tenn on the phone: Yeah.

Yotsuba Tamaki: Then what are you doing? Normally, wouldn’t she fall for you, Tenten? Why Kujou?

Kujou Tenn on the phone: …Well… People have different tastes…

Yotsuba Tamaki: Normally I go to Tenten, but Tenten, you’re disqualified from being an idol! You lost to an old man who can’t dance! 

Kujou Tenn on the phone: That’s a bit of a shock… But, look. Kujou-san is kind. Especially to Aya. 

Yotsuba Tamaki: Tenten, are you cold towards Aya? 

Kujou Tenn on the phone: I think I’m being nice to her normally like an older brother, though… 

Yotsuba Tamaki: Look! While TRIGGER’s Tenn is sitting by, that old man Kujou…!

Kujou Tenn on the phone: Wait. Don’t just make it my responsibility. Isn’t Isumi Haruka from ŹOOḼ in the same position? 

Yotsuba Tamaki: That’s exactly it! Tenten and Isumin are there, so why Kujou? 

Kujou Tenn on the phone: Isn’t it just her admiring an older person? Love-like feelings for someone who’s like a father to her… 

Yotsuba Tamaki: …If you put it like that…

Kujou Tenn on the phone: Getting back to the topic, Kujou-san told Aya they can’t be together after hearing her feelings.

Yotsuba Tamaki: What!? Isn’t that irresponsible!?

Kujou Tenn on the phone: I get how you feel. I got upset when he said that, too, but I understand that Kujou-san is cautious as well. 

Kujou Tenn on the phone: Because he cherishes Aya. Because he doesn’t want anything to happen to her. 

Yotsuba Tamaki: …

Kujou Tenn on the phone: Even though Kujou-san says he wants to annul the adoption relationship with Aya at all costs, I intend to look after Aya.

Kujou Tenn on the phone: Since we cannot live together at Ryuu’s house, I might end up moving out to live together with Aya.

Kujou Tenn on the phone: But before I just decide that by myself, I thought I’d listen to your opinion. 

Yotsuba Tamaki: …I don’t think I can live with Aya at the dorm, either. If that’s the case, having Aya alone in a facility is… 

Yotsuba Tamaki: …Aya herself doesn’t want that, either. Well, she does say she wants to be with Kujou.

Kujou Tenn on the phone: Yotsuba Tamaki. You are a student, too. You don’t have to carry this burden alone. That’s why, don’t feel too responsible. 

Kujou Tenn on the phone: I want to respect your will. I want to respect Aya’s will as well. That’s all it is. 

Yotsuba Tamaki: …You say that, Tenten, but you’re younger than Sou-chan. 

Yotsuba Tamaki: What about your will? I’ll respect it in your place. 

Kujou Tenn on the phone: A happy ending. I like you, Kujou-san, Aya; Isumi Haruka, too. 

Yotsuba Tamaki: Isn’t that just about other people? Will you be fine? 

Kujou Tenn on the phone: That’s not the case. Thank you. 

Yotsuba Tamaki: …Just think about it a bit. It’s possible the dormitory itself might disappear… 

Kujou Tenn on the phone: Is that so?

Yotsuba Tamaki: Yeah… It’ll be lonely, though.

Kujou Tenn on the phone: That’s true… I think you guys having a place where you can have an exciting life together is a good thing.  

Yotsuba Tamaki: I think so, too. But if you put Aya into that, I would feel sorry for her.

Kujou Tenn on the phone: That’s true... I’ll also try talking to Aya a little.

Yotsuba Tamaki: Yeah, good luck, Tenten. 

Kujou Tenn on the phone: You, too. Well then, see you.

(beep)

Yotsuba Tamaki: …Haa…

Yotsuba Tamaki: I wonder what place we will be in next year… 

--

Woman: …Aah… Today is when I’ll find out whether I won or lost… 

Woman: Idol fans are too amazing. They managed to stand this feeling up until now…

Woman: Haa… I definitely don’t want to lose… God, please… 

Woman: I already bought new clothes since I thought I can go, and I pre-ordered the goods already, so… 

Woman: Since I really plan to go, I ended up watching all the footage from the lives up until now. 

Woman: IDOLiSH7 was amazing… It was totally different from TV. Everyone, everyone was the best stars… 

Woman: Their gazes as they looked over the venue were kind, they made me really happy. 

Woman: It made me think I want to be in that place with them and cheer them on. It made me want to be one of the lights they see. 

Woman: Because I am going to go to the live, I did my best with overtime and took on business trips. I must’ve accumulated some good deeds by now! 

Woman: Please, let me win! If I lost right now, it’d be frustrating~! 

Woman: Ah…! The person I befriended online won! Waaah~, congratulations!!

Woman: There’s people who didn’t win, either… It must be true that they’re crying… I feel like I’ll cry, too… 

Woman: Haa… My heart’s pounding… 

Woman: I can’t believe I’m trying to go to a place that will make my heart pound even more, even though my heart is already pounding…

Woman: What is it gonna be like? A really fun, sparkling and happy time… 

Woman: …Is what I think it will be, but what if I go there and it’s different? …Everything’s just according to my convenient fantasy…

Woman: …I’m so excited, I’m anxious…  I’m really looking forward to it, but I am also a bit nervous… This might be what it feels like to have a wish. 

Woman: So that’s it, I… When I saw IDOLiSH7, I had a wish for the first time in a long time. 

Woman: It’s not a wish like, “No way~”. “I wanna have fun~”.... It’s a sparkling, childlike wish. 

Woman: That’s why my heart is beating and my chest hurts; everything’s so fun, I can’t bear it. 

Woman: …I want to go to the live… 

Woman: …A mail came! There was a notice about the lottery results! 

Woman: What should I…? I’m scared to look at it… 

Woman: It’ll be fine, it’ll be fine… If it doesn’t work this time, I’ll just have to apply again. 

Woman: Since I joined the fanclub as well, it’ll work for sure. I might even win this time… 

Woman: Let’s count down. One, two… 

Clerk: Excuse me. 

Woman: …!

Order: Would you like to have some more coffee? 

Woman: Ah… I’ll dig right in… Ah, never mind, I’m good.

Clerk: I understand. Please take your time enjoying your stay. 

Woman: Thank you very much…

Woman: …

Woman: …Oh, I won…！

~ to be continued ~

--

TL note:

¹ - An explanation on the antlion pit, lit. anthell: click

² - Yes, the same cumulonimbus clouds Kujou was talking about. Different word in JP, though.

I assume most people know about tanzaku and tanabata by now, but if not, click! As for the whole "royal road" talk, it's a kind of wordplay on doing it the classic way and also Re:vale being kings...

...mod riku here!! this is the first time i bothered to translate some of the chapter headlines myself instead of leaving it to mod haruka, and you can tell from the awkward wording, ehehe... that being said, it's done now!

[mitamicah]

Two days ago I arrived home from the last of the See You Soon tour dates I will be attending and wow it was such a ride I have been pretty much walking in and out of existence and longingly daydreaming all day. So here’s my experience at the different gigs.

Tldr; Helsinki one was me in the seats – cozy first concert and bit of warmup for both me and the band – and Hojan!!; Helsinki two had much more energy and good vibes yet strict security made it so a few people had to almost faint before we got offered water… also I missed Jere by one and a half hours; Malmö was the one were I kept winning and I am still in awe this day even happened; Gothenburg was great especially for interactions between the members of the band although I wasn’t keen on the queue location.

Helsinki 1+2 I have decided to put these two together since they were at the same place and because I am very late to write this. I had seating tickets to the first show, so me and Anniina (@formulalakana) spend the day being käärijä city tourists in Vantaa. After that we went to Käbnb (I’d rented it for the weekend) and fanboyed some more over the apartment and wearing the bolero. Since the apartment was an hour away, we only just joined the queue right before opening of general entry at 5.50.

The show was great. If I am asked to describe it with one word, I’ll chose cozy which might seem like an odd word to use about a Joker Out show. In my defense I had been up since 4 am and had a whole day behind me of getting excited over käärijä stuff (also since I was staying at käbnb). I loved hearing the new songs (Sta Bih Ja and Bluza) live together with seeing Hojan join the encore. I was glad we got Metulji so we could use the cute little butterflies we got from people at the queue to hold up in the air (it was really quite pretty from the back). I remember thinking how Jan must’ve been warm in his furcoat on stage and that I appreciated the little hints back to Stozice with the outfits like Nace’s leg chain.

Tbh I mostly just took this gig as a warmup where I filmed lots of the songs and took in the vibe, now that I couldn’t really jump around myself. The guys might have needed time to get back into touring because I talked with some people yesterday that agreed that the band had been great if a little held back on the first day.

On the second day I joined the queue around 10.10. It was amazing meeting up with old and new faces. Everybody got so excited about being gifted stickers that I ran out a few hours before lining up for the queue started. In turn I got so many nice wristbands as well I think I managed to beat the record of most bracelets gifted to me in a day which had been Berlin previously.

Today’s vibe was completely different; there was way more energy from the stage and from the crowd, the latter possibly because I was in the pit this time, four rows from the stage. I had decided to wear my häärijä suit for the occasion together with a little Danish flag that I kept waving in the air. I was with a strong Nace girlie so we had placed ourselves by Nace and Jan. She got a few genuine smiles and nods from the bassist.

Katrina was a good opening song and while I haven’t listened much to Galaxy of Me/Behind Those Eyes/Schlager since hearing it live I remember enjoying it quite nicely. Padam was gorgeous as a piano ballad! Nace looked adorable in his glasses and holed blouse, and I enjoyed Kris’ outfit a lot. However the pit did get quite hot at one point so a few people around seemed to be feint and the security guards didn’t want to give us water until we directly cried out for help then they suddenly wanted to give us all the water we could muster. Other than that the experience was great! I felt my stomach drop hard at one point and I realized it was because Bojan’s eyes were locked with mine for solid five seconds. I loved that we got Kris bullied into singing NVGOT for the encore.

I felt almost as a celebrity when people complemented my häärijä cosplay (or Dojan as somebody later called me; the Danish Hojan). I even got asked for an autograph where I had to break it to them that I wasn’t the “real deal” yet they still wanted the autographs for the funsies.

After the concert a good portion of people collected outside by the tourbus and played Everybody’s Waiting over and over. I joined for a time yet felt ambivalent about it all given I could imagine how intimidating it must be for the band seeing such a big group of people standing around like this. Anniina suggested we catch the last bus home around 0.30 and I agreed it was probably for the best. The bus at the Pasilla station didn’t want to open its doors for me although I stood with my face more or less on the door window so I had to wait for another less convenient bus that left me gliding and sliding on ice home for 1,5 km. That together with learning the next day that had I waited one and a half hours more I could’ve met not only Bojan and Jan, but Jere soured my mood a bit I must admit. I bought myself the 3xl käärijä shirt that was offered as a nightgown and went to gift Jere his little gift (Helsinki sticker and Bojere keychain) but got lost so I had to hand in the letter at the Warner Bros Studios instead of the käärijä fanmail box – for this reason I am not sure if Jere will ever get it sadly.

All in all some great concerts although what I think I mostly will remember this trip for was the amount of käärijä related firsts that I got (first time seeing the mural, first time tasting oddly good, first time trying on the bolero, you name it) together with the joker out firsts as well (first concert, first time hearing the new songs etc. etc.)

Trinkets from the Helsinki shows including doodle from @ya-boi-joule , wrapping paper @formulalakana was so kind to buy and safe for me, merch and the many lovely bracelets and stickers :D Not shown here are the cool sparklative pin that @hazzybat made (and the cute kangaroo keychain I also got from Haz) together with the homemade Bojan earring I've basically worn nonstop since xD

Malmö I had thought about adding the two Sweden shows together but honestly the vibes were too different for me to do so.

I had gotten early entry to Malmö, so I had probably put way too much weight on making this gig the best of the bunch. For this reason, I woke up at 4 so I could be at the venue around 9. I was met by the oddest and most chill queue I have ever seen. By now point were we more than 15-20 people present before the line was formed at 5. I had been fairly certain that the only of my many goals (x) I would be able to accomplish would be gifting all my stickers away but spoilers; that didn’t happen.

At soundcheck I managed to get second row in the middle between Bojan and Kris (very strategic of me since two of my goals were related to Bojan and Kris respectfully). Having told quite a few people in the queue about my dream of getting Bojan to see my sign I had so many eyes on me cheering me on that I didn’t hesitate to throw my silly sign in the air. Bojan hesitated even less and agreed immediately (I might do another post about the whole experience with the tattoo when I have it done). In return I gave him the pencilcase full of gift and he looked at it confused until he read the little sign and said with a smile ‘gifts :D’. So that was two of the goals I had been so scared I wouldn’t in a million years be able to accomplish and the show hadn’t even started. When he later got down to slide his hand over ours I ended up being the awkward boy in the room going for a handshake (don’t know what I was thinking tbh) so instead Bojan held his hand in mind so gently for like a minute and locked eyes with me. Safe to say I was on cloud nine after that soundcheck.

The energy that had been great in Helsinki day 2 was somehow even better in Malmö! The band was fully on and so were we in the crowd. Jure wore what looked like a simplified Stozice shirt aka just a harness with a diamond down his chest. Kris and Bojan complimented each other, one wearing blue pants and the other a blue shirt and then the other way around with white shirt and white pants.

We started out strong with Sunny Side of London which I honestly hadn’t expected given I hadn’t heard it in Helsinki at all (and I haven’t looked too much into the setlist of the other dates). But that was not all: We got the demoni scream!! And NVGOT!! Padam was gorgeous as a piano ballad yet again. Me and Bojan held eye contact while screaming the bridge to Bluza together. So many different versions of Umazane Misli was sung including a version from both the people next to me that I had bonded with in the queue!! (that made me go into proud dad mode and gave me tons of dopamine seeing them win as well). We even got Bojan rapping the chorus himself from the middle of the crowd!! Fittingly he was given a crown by a fan immediately after. My last piece of Bojan eye contact came during Novi Val where I have on video him looking for five seconds at my phone and tapping his mic to his chest which threw me off for a bit rushing to make him a heart back.

Honestly this whole show was peak to me already before leaving the venue. Yet as I’d been the whole day, I was a man with a mission and now the mission was to gift away the last stickers. This quest let me to talk to Hearts, the supporting act (these guys were chill and cool as well) together with accidentally be close by when Kiki came out with two free setlists where I then ran to get one of them. What I remember most vividly was everybody I showed the setlist too being annoyed at ASTP being replaced by Sta Bih Jah and fair.

We were a small group of people that met up afterwards just to chill. At this point I didn’t even know where the tour bus was, so I didn’t expect to see the guys at all. Yet at some point one pointed out Jan walking by and me high on everything that had already happened had no shame and shouted ‘great concert :D’ at him where his response was a ‘thank you :D’ back.

It turned out that not 20 minutes later I spied Bojan in the corner of my eye down the hill where we were standing and wanting to thank him for the tattoo I went down there. I gave him a tight hug shaking a bit from everything and we ‘are you’ed each other for what felt like 30 seconds to a minute. He told me that he recognized me from Helsinki in the yellow suit and at that point I was ready to melt then and there. Bojan was just so easy and lovely to talk to I can see why Jere and so many others fall for him.

Going back up to the rest of the folk we noticed Jan and Kris hanging out, but Kris had to go when I got there. Nace stayed and we got a long talk about his turtles which meant lots of new turtle lore. I loved feeling how great of a turtle dad he is from the way he was talking about them, and I felt connected to him in the way he too speaks a lot with his hands. After Nace Jan turned up to speak to us yet I had a bit of a harder time talking to him maybe because we both can be a bit distracted (me mostly by Jure standing in a colourful sweater and smoking by the tour bus). He agreed to us taking turns taking pictures and getting hugs which was nice.

On my way home from the venue I had to record all my experiences which turned into me babbling only semi sensical at a camera for almost 3 minutes letting my legs show me the way home. I was surprised to find I didn’t get lost. I was not at all surprised to see I was close to tears in the video footage.

Trinkets from Malmö including my sign and Bojan's handwriting, the setlist and more <3

Gothenburg I only arrived at 2 o’clock for the queue given the bus I’d been able to get from Malmö. It was a bit colder than yesterday and the queuing space way less cozy being a parking lot with the bus behind a caged fence and us just outside the fence compared to the nice little park with the tourbus out of sight in Malmö. I did manage to get a wave from a person I am pretty sure was Bojan (my stomach dropped like it did in Helsinki as well so I guess this is how I recognize Bojan from now on xD).

I began doodle a bit for people and getting back into the queue vibe when I noticed the time; I had to go throw my stuff at the hotel, so I had a place to sleep and because the venue had a bag ban. I managed to get lost and curse myself for not paying extra for a closer hotel when walking around the construction heavy central station. It turned out the hotel I’d booked was a boat which I find cool (and fitting given the whole titanic thing with Bojere).

Being lost I ended up going on a tiny side quest to ICA and buy the käärijä youghurt. It tasted pretty okay (I ate it in the queue later)! I prefer dreamy lemon tho (my breakfast in Helsinki). I arrived in the nick of time because just 20 minutes later the lines were formed. Now being forced to stand close to the fence we managed to catch glimpses of the fan running back and forth (especially Jure) but none of us said anything. One person I was with told me about Jure being cornered by a fan and forced to flee into the tourbus only to be followed and to be honest that story was the cherry on cake for me; the rest of the night I found myself being in overempathetic mode to the point of later masking and stepping away when being afraid of invading somebody’s space.

The concert was great especially when it comes to gifts given to the guys and the interactions between the guys as well. I especially loved Jance’s dance during Umazane Misli (that today were mostly Swedish versions) and Bojan gently caressing Kris’ cheek to get his attention. Jure also got some action going on with the two guitarists joining in on both sides of the drumset and Bojan vibing when Bluza was playing. I really enjoyed Kris and Jan in yellow especially Kris with blondes down his arms. Everybody got tons of sunglasses, Jan got a Teletubbies hairband, Kris a crown (he threw off real fast after just one song) and Jure got a few bracelets he gently took from the hands of the people in the crowd during Novi Val (that was the one time he seemed to get eye contact with us at all – I still felt very bad).

The setlist wasn’t too different from Malmö but with Gola replacing SSOL (nice full circle moment for me since Gola also opened my first ever JO show and the first on the whole tour aka Helsinki 1), Metulji replacing Padam, NVGOT being skipped, and Katrina moved up the setlist (maybe there were more changes but that is what I recall). I seemed to have tons of eye contact yet again with the Bojan even more than the other three days combined. And that was despite being a bit farther away this time almost at the edge by Kris yet pretty close to the barricade (third row) all things considered. Once again, he gently held my hand. This time it happened during the show where he let his hand jump over a (tiny) sea of other hands to rest his in mind and he winked at me. I had to happy stim after that which is oddly not something I do a lot at shows. When Mira next to me was invited to do her choreography for UM on stage I got another rush of dopamine (Idk why I get these proud father feelings for people I’ve only just meant; I was just so happy for her).

We were a group that hung out by the venue afterwards; it was bigger than Malmö but smaller than Helsinki 2. Still big enough that my overly sensitive empathy today felt bad for being there. At the same time, I wanted to cool my nerves down after being boosted with all that dopamine. As time went on I also grew stubborn and didn’t want to repeat Helsinki 2 where I had moved home too early.

When it looked like we’d only wave at the bus today, Nace came out to the cage to say hi. At first, he seemed uncomfortable especially with how he tensed up laughing. He loosened up seeing the amazing Joker Out inspired jackets some fans had made and almost gave them both a heart attack asking for pictures of the jackets.

After that he came out to us on the other side of the fence, and we talked about the silliest topics like what signature picture pose each member have (sadly I forgot to ask about Nace’s own go to pose). I gave him a very rushed doodle of himself doing Jan’s pose (I had cold hands and wouldn’t risk him going away) and he got so genuinely excited for it my heart melted a bit.

Jan also joined yet only after Nace had gone and just before me and some others were on our way home, so we sneaked back again to chat. He was wearing his scarf as a hat so of course I had to draw and gift him a doodle like that. He too seemed genuinely happy for it. We gushed about the new songs and spread the ‘come to Denmark’ propaganda (we were two danes amongst others). Today I felt it was easier to talk to Jan. He was very nice and polite and open. We went away after Jan had said goodnight so I don’t know if any other of the guys came out to say hello. I couldn’t argue with my sense of being the crazy fan stepping over an invisible line anymore (even after dad Nace had told me that – like yesterday – he would not chose to come out and say hi if he felt uncomfortable so I shouldn’t worry … right before then saying the most people-pleaser thing like ‘I felt bad for you waiting in the cold’ so I don’t know how to interpret the two messages I got there. I guess Nace is right tho; he himself knows best what he is comfortable with and after all we were all nice and respectful).

Trinkets including the tour shirt (finally got it after three attempts) and the k youghurt

Fun fact about the blue flower bracelet: It was thrown to me by a crew member after Hearts' set - I didn't know what he had but I nodded to him when he asked with his eyes if somebody wanted the thing and so I was pleasantly surprised to see how pretty a bracelet it is. I have no idea who it was originally meant for x'D

[eteisvalssi]

on christmas day i saw what you guys wrote on my christmas tree decorations and it got me so emotional and then i saw everyone else also getting sappy and writing something and so i started writing this back then but the post got too long and i was tired so instead i decided to finish this later and post it today on new year’s eve!

from telling my friend at the beginning of the year that i could never imagine myself going to see an artist multiple times in a short amount of time to literally seeing joker out twice in three days in september, this year has been full of unexpected events. finland almost won esc??? i found a new favorite band and traveled all the way to prague to see them??? i’ve found myself in some situations this year that i could’ve never imagined possible and it’s all thanks to this green rapper from finland and five slovenian guys in an indie rock band

i also want to say thank you to all of you. all of the people i’ve gotten to know in this fandom have been so nice! when i bought my tickets to the nordic tour, i didn’t have any friends in the fandom. but then i started using tumblr again and honestly you guys are the sweetest people ever and i feel so lucky to have you in my life 🩷 and not to forget all the friends i’ve made while queueing for the gigs (also the ones not on tumblr)! i couldn’t have asked for a better company for any of the gigs i’ve been to 🩷 i also hope that i’ll get to meet as many of you as i can next year!

this is getting long so i’m gonna ramble some more under a read more and sum up my year. have a safe new year everyone 🩷

i don’t remember much from the beginning of the year. i was heartbroken and after being a fan of esc for like 10 years i felt like i could never ever enjoy esc again (dramatic, i know). i did check the umk contestants when they were announced but didn’t really dig further into it. but it all changed when i woke up on the morning of january 18th and saw literally everyone talking about this green guy named käärijä and the song cha cha cha. of course that also made me check kuumaa’s song when it got released the next day and i immediately fell in love with ylivoimainen. even though ylivoimainen was my number one fave umk song this year, i do remember telling my friends that ccc is our only choice if we want to win eurovision.

in march i was going to my first käärijä gig. it was a esc themed student party and they had a esc song quiz before and we got to the finals but the other group was faster so we ended up second 🥲 for the concert we did end up in the front row (with less than an hour of queueing and we had time to actually sit down at a table before the gig??) but i ended up giving my spot to a nice fan because i could see from behind my friends just fine and i wasn’t really there for käärijä 😅

april 7th 2023. my 25th birthday. käärijä's first pre-party and so the first pre-party i followed this year. the day bojan and käärijä met. the next day i was watching the livestream of the concert and patiently waiting for käärijä's performance (jodelissa kaarinan lapsuuskuvat nevö foget <3) and that's also when my joker out brainrot actually began. it followed me all the way through esc and made me buy a ticket to the nordic tour and i feel like the rest is history so i'm just gonna do a quick recap

i joined tumblr again in july after getting tired of only using jodel. i had a busy summer at work but did go to one käärijä gig but other than that i feel like nothing else really happened until the nordic tour.

then the nordic tour came around and i just had the best time. i’ve already written gig reports from these so i’m not gonna go into detail but i got good spots both at tavastia and olympia, i talked to so many nice people and i sang umazane misli at tavastia. the most surreal moment though was when i found myself singing in a karaoke bar in tampere after the gig and i see the same people who i’d just watched perform singing along to me

after the nordic tour i really wanted to go see them again and so i booked tickets to prague and even though the queue was a mess and honestly i’m not gonna lie and say that i’m not still salty about it, but other than that i had such a good time! hanging out with my dear mutuals, seeing both lps and joker out and finally hearing the songs we hadn’t heard at the nordic tour and seeing the new outfits! i also got to hug both jan and bojan 🩷

i got to end my year of concerts the way i started it, by going to a käärijä gig, but this time it felt so much different compared to the one in march. i actually knew other songs than ccc this time 😅

personally 2023 was a year of growth and healing for me and i hope to have as much fun next year as i had this year. i have so much planned for next year, umk in february, joker out in march in helsinki and maybe somewhere else too so see you there 🩷

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

Heeeeeeyyyy 👋

Could I please request platonic! Sisterly reader with freckles?? Maybe reader joined with Smile and Black as a fortune teller and grew really close right off the bat? YOU KNOW IM A SLUT FOR THE LULLABY TROPE-

So maybe reader has to room with freckles instead of Smile? :3

PLEASE AND THANK

aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA!!!!

DISCLAIMER: This piece contains sections of lyrics from "The Call" by Regina Spektor! I don't own the song, am not claiming to, and am not profiting off this piece at all.

You came along with you master and coworker, and although you didn’t know you had any kind of talent with fortune telling, you suppose it’s good that you’ve got something up your sleeve.

As spellbound as you are by the entire circus, you’ve been all but claimed by this eager little waif who calls themself FRECKLES. For some reason they seem oddly charmed by you ― you wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that their face lit up when you proclaimed that they would be an incredible parent in the future. (You’re not sure that required any kind of divination. It’s plain to see that any child of theirs will be overwhelmingly loved.)

The ringleader, Joker, wanted your young master to room with Freckles, initially. However, they threw their arms around your neck and batted their eyelashes and asked if pretty please you could room with them instead. Apparently Joker just can’t say no to that face.

So here you are, trying to get settled in Freckles’ tent. It’s such a different environment from anything you’ve ever slept in, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. Actually, when you lie down on the bed, it seems pretty comfortable.

“Oi! Gettin’ tired?” Freckles briefly flips themself down from the top bunk, holding out a few Funtom-brand lollipops. “’Ere y’ go, sis, pick one. Wanna make y’ feel welcome on y’r firs’ day!”

You tilt your head before laughing and taking your favorite flavor of the ones they’ve offered. “‘Sis’?”

They nod and retreat back onto their bunk, seeming to stretch out by the sound of things up there. “Mhm. I figured if I ever ‘ad a big sister, I’d want ‘er t’ be someone like y’. Is it alright if I call y’ that, then?”

All you can do is shrug. You tuck the lollipop away into the small bag you brought with you and stretch out yourself. “Aw, sure.” Who can blame you? Even in just the short time you’ve known them, Freckles has wormed their way into your heart. Just like you charmed them, they appear to have charmed you just as easily. “It’s late, so, big sister duties include reminding you to get plenty of sleep.”

“Hah! Alriiiight,” they say, and you can practically hear the pout in their voice. After a moment, they speak up again, a little more shyly. “Um, y’ know, (Name)… there’s this thing I ‘eard ‘bout big sisters ‘n’ mums ‘n’ all that doin’ that I kinda dreamed ‘bout a li’l. Maybe y’ could… do it f’r me?”

“Oh? What is it?”

Their response is equally as insecure as the initial request was. “Could y’… sing me a lullaby? I mean, I know I’m an adult ‘n’ all, but… I dunno… it’s jus’ somethin’ I thought sounded kinda nice.”

You let out a small chuckle. Is that all? “Well, I can’t promise my voice is much good, but I can try. Are you all comfy?”

“Mhm!”

“Alright, close your eyes.”

They snort. “I only got the one, but done.”

“Good, good. Just relax, then.”

You can hear them breathing gently above you, and you start to sing quietly.

“It started out as a feeling which then grew into a hope which then turned into a quiet thought which then turned into a quiet word and then that word grew louder and louder till it was a battle cry I’ll come back when you call me no need to say goodbye just because everything’s changing doesn’t mean it’s never been this way before all you can do is try to know who your friends are as you head off to the war pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light you’ll come back when it’s over no need to say goodbye…”

You don’t even need to get to the very last verse. As your voice trails off a bit, they’re already starting to snore. Evidently the ‘big-sister-sings-them-to-sleep’ dream was every bit as calming as they’d imagined it would be.

You smile and close your eyes, intending to get some sleep yourself.

“You’ll come back when they call you no need to say goodbye…”

[winterrhayle]

rank red and lover and evermore

ok i should’ve expected this many☠️☠️☠️☠️

red (taylor’s version) this one is so difficult to rank bc its so LONG and tbh ive already changed my mind on the bottom rankings so ignore the numbers oh and im not ranking ronan bc. yeah.

i almost do - i literally could not tell you why but this has been my favourite song from red for a long long time,, probably because i’ve never gotten over anything ever

better man - WHY WASNT THIS ON THE ORIGINAL ALBUM😭😭😭😭😭😭

the moment i knew - AND IT WAS LIKE SLOOOWWW MOTION STANDING THERE IN MY PARTY DRESSS IN REEEEED LIPSTICK QITH NO ONE TO IMPRESS ok this song was always in my top 3 for red but atw10 really elevated it bc of all the references

the very first night - why are the vaults so GOOOD OMG this song is so fun and has such silly energy i love it

forever winter - this song is so devastating but also if i ignore the lyrics the horns make it a bop????

all too well 10 min version - what can i say it’s ALL TOO WELL. AND I WAS NEVER GOOD AT TELLING JOKES BUT THE PUNCHLINE GOES I’LL GET OLDER BUT YOURE LOVERS DTAY MY AGE

nothing new - phoebe bridgers makes me feel things. also i should now find this song and the fear of getting older relatable bc i’m literally ‘the kinda radiance you only have at seventeen’

babe - the sugarland version is good but taylor’s is so much better and i love the added ‘what about your promises promises’ thing

red - WHEN THE DRUMS COME IN OMGGGG ,, oh also random anec dote one time when i was 9 or 10 my teacher asked me for an example of a metaphor so i used one of these lyrics

i bet you think about me - I LOVE COUNTRY TAYLOR AND I LOVE SASSY TAYLOR (aka fearless taylor)

treacherous - that part where shes like 'i'll follow you follow you home' is so funny bc like girl are u a stalker or something😭

state of grace - for some reason i specifically LOVEE sreaming the lyrics 'twin fire signs, four blue eyes' even though i am a pisces with BROWN EYES???? (also this is one of the many rerecordings that sounded better in the og version,,, i only play tv though)

all too well (normal length version) - this one was top 3 before red tv was released but for some reason the new vocals dont hit the same😔i would still consider it to be a perfect song though,, atw is THAT GIRL 13/10

the last time - if u dont try to sing both parts of this and mess up then ur lyyyinnggggg

everything has changed - not 2 be a sheerio (i am NOT ONE) but the ed sheeran x taylor collabs on this album are so cuteeetetete and im obsessed with how the kid actors from this mv were used for joker and the queen mv like a decade later

22 - in 5 years this song will be on REPEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!AH OHHHHH I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT IM FEELIN TWENNY TWOOOOO

run - this is giving i know places and i loveeeee it 10/10 i love it when she collabs with ed within his musical range (this is a diss to endgame)

come back ... be here - THE BRIDGE. i love pretending that my (non existent) lover has flown allll the way to london soo far away from me (london is an hour drive from my house) and i am BREAKING DOWN BECAUSE MY MAN ISNT HERE (im literally a lesbian)

sad beautiful tragic - ok i dont ever actively search for this song but when it comes on i will listen to the whole thing every time. i think i said this about hoax but this is the type of sadness i craaave

holy ground - the forever & always > better than revenge > last kiss > holy ground > invisible string (that one line about the babies and presents) pipeline is one of my favourite things in the swiftverse ever everrrrr love u joe jonas

i knew you were trouble - remember that goat meme? yeah🥹

the lucky one - whoever said this song is evelyn hugo is so CORRECT.

we are never everrrrrr getting back together - I LOVE THIS SONG BUT SHE BOTCHED IT IN THE 2021 VERSION LMAOOOO RIP (ALSO SHOUT OUT TO THE ROCK VERSION OF THIS <333333)

begin again - this was such a perfect closing song for the standard edition of the album,, it ties off the whole break up album so well and it has her moving on to someone who treats her wife and ahhhhh

starlight - the 'have 10 kids and teach them how to dream' line rly catches me off guard sometimes😭 but i'll allow it

stay stay stay - THE PEOPLE WHO HATE ON THIS SONG DONT GET ITTTT. THE 5 MINUTE CRAFTS MUSIC IS CAMP. YOU CAN PRIZE STAY STAY STAY OUT OF MY COLD DEAD HANDS.

message in a bottle - this song is so 2012 where was this in the og album😒😒😒😒 it could have been one of the greats with ikywt,wanegbt,22 but whatever (same with the very first night S.M.H)

girl at home - i didnt like the og version, and i know a lot of people dont like the different production it has on the rerecording but i actually prefer it,,, but its my least favourite song on the album still. rip.

i started that ranking at 6:22am and now its 6:25pm. ITS BEEN 12 HOURS HELP WHY IS RED SO LONG anyway,,,,,

LOVEERRRRRRRR (aka one of my 3 stan albums) also not ranking soon youll get better for the same reasons as ronan ^

daylight - can i just say,, I KNOW THIS SONG TECHNICALLY DOESNT COUNT BEFORE BC TOE IS NO LONGER A THING BUT IGNORE THAT PLEASE FOR THIS ONE😭 ok this one has some of my favourite lyrics,, including 'i once believed love would be burning red, but its golden' ARE YOU KIDDDINGGGGG SHE INFLUENCED THE SONG AND ALBUM RED. AS IN SHE THOUGHT LOVE WOULD BE BURRRNIN REDDDD LIKE THE LYRIC. U KNOW THE ONE IM TALKING ABOUT RIGHT (2 mins into red the song). OHH ALSO THE VOICE MEMO AT THE END IS SO ICONIC I WANNA GET 'YOU ARE WHAT YOU LOVE' TATTOOOOOOD ON MYSELF

the archer - one thing i will eat up every time is when a song is produces in a way that makes u feel anxious (either when theres build up with no beat drop/release OR when the drums are super threatening if that makes sense) eg, labyrinth and out of the woods. the archer is such a perfect song and i love the heartbeats that she puts in the bridge (reminds me of wildest dreams and youre losing me ahhhhhh) and whenever i see eras videos of this song people say they wish it wasnt on the set list and honestly i find that baffling. if i ever see that song live i will literally pass away AND if i go to eras i wanna dress up as the archer (cupid vibes)

miss americana & the heartbreak prince - can i just say IVE BEEN A STAN OF THIS SONG SINCE 2019 and it was my favourite from lover for years omg,, and when i saw she opened the eras tour with this one i was so happy bc its finally getting the recognition it deserves !!!!!

afterglow - this song is so criminally underrated and its one of the realest songs on the album,, like is shows that love isnt always perfect and thats such an important thing to know specially for delusional girls like me ohh also theres a few songs on lover that have very specific producion styles, its afterglow, daylight, cornelia street and all of the girls AND ITS MY FAVOURITE PRODUCTION STYLE IN HER DISCOGRAPHY its so light and airy and i cant describe it properly but i love it so much

lover - omg this was my top song on spotify wrapped 2021,, its like the textbook perfect love song and i love the vows in the bridge and i love(r) the 'we can leave the christmas lights till january' and i love the mundane romantic things like saving seats and letting your friends crash in the living room and ahahsuhfjsadlgajhdfhkasgdfhgas

cornelia street - ok unlike daylight, i literally cannon ignore how defesting this song is with the uhhh...,., recent events in the toe timeline, but honestly the existence of 'youre losing me' elevates this song even more with all of the parallels and irony and before this was a cutesie song about omg what if me and my lover break up but now its just a knife twisting in my heart and yeah. rip toe

its nice to have a friend - this was also one of my big stan songs in 2019,, the simplicity just drew me in and its such a sweet song and it reminds me of walking around after school in february where its still getting dark kinda early and u can see the sky turning pink and orange and yeah <3333333333333333 i know this song has its haters but they are all just cold hearted haters, what can i say

cruel summer - IMDRUNKINTHEBACKOFTHECARANDICRIEDLIKEABABYCOMINGHOMEFROMTHEBARSAIDIMFINEBUTITWASNTTRUEIDONTWANNAKEEPSECRETSJUSTTOKEEPYOUANDISNUCKINTHROUGHTHEGARDENGATESEVERYNIGHTTHATSUMMERJUSTTOSEALMYFATEOHHHANDISCREAMEDFORWHATEVERITSWORTHILOVEYOUAINTTHATTHEWORSTTHINGYOUEVERHEARTHELOOKSUPGRINNINGLIKETHEDEVIL

all of the girls you loved before - LISTEN TO THIS SONG AND COMPARE IT WITH PERMANENT MARKER, THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HOW SHE THINKS OF EXES THEN AND NOW IS SO FUNNY

i think he knows - this song makes me feel so silly and michevious idk why likeeeeee im listening to it right now and i feel like i wanna go annoy everyone in my houseee

ME ! - ok i know what u guys are gonna say BUT I DONT CARE. I AM A ME STAN. IF U DONT LIKE THIS SONG UR BORING AND HAVE NO FRIENDS SORRYYYYYYYY like yeah its cringe, yeah the lyrics are corny, but you know what??????? BABY THATS THE FUN OF ME (!) HE HE HEEEE the only valid critisism of this song is the inclusion of brendon urie and tbh that is valid i agree she should have made me (!) the feature

death by a thousand cuts - the way she put in the my my my my from the song lover is so rude and criminal bc why would she do that to me :( and i know this song is sad but imma be dancing around to that bridge idc idc

paper rings - omg this one is so nostalgic,,, i remember my ex gf used to make paper rings because of this song and she taught me and a bunch of our friends at school how to make them it was so fun,,, this was the song i associated with us once upon a time and now we're not a couple anymore but yk what???? i dont find this song sad its all good memories and me and her are still besties so whateverrrr *PAPER RINGS SUPREMACY*

london boy - THIS SONG >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> EVERYTHING BECAUSE LIKE SO MANY SONGS ON THIS ALBUM ITS SO UNSERIOUS AND A GOOD TIME,, IF YOU GET IT YOU GET IT!!!!!!! ALSO IT HITS DIFFERENT WHEN UR ENGLISH (taylor says she loves us <33333333) also shout out to these very iconic parts : 'we can go drivin in, on my scootuh' and 'pubwe' 'darling i fancy you' and its so funny how she literally just lists a bunch of places in london and its seems london until you put all of the locations in google maps and it makes the shape of a heart <3333333333

false god - that saxaphone😫😫😫😫 i rly hope taylor does more jazz in the future bc this song is so amazing

you need to calm down - shade never made anybody less gay FR,, like i said before, im a lesbian and this song makes me wanna tell everryyybody and its such a sillly fun song love love love,, i wish it was longer though

need - YEAHH IM DOING UNRELEASED TOO IDC,, i have this downloaded (very legally) on my spotify bc i (need)ed it very much and ill do it again. this shouldve been on the actual album #justiceforneed2023

the man - okayyyyyyy i diss this song often but i love it really,,, its so #millenialgirlboss

i forgot that you existed - ok i get the message and the whole idea of moving on from reputation idea but did it really have to be the album opener 😭 if somebody plays this album without having heard anything else from taylor and they hear 'in my feelings more than drake so yeah' THEY WILL LITERALLY NEVER LISTEN TO HER AGAINNNN ill allow it because its funny and im a satire girlie but taylor why couldnt you open the album with cruel summer☠️ screaming

evermoree

gold rush - ok guys you know how i feel about winlet and this song YOU KNOWWW THIS. gold rush is my all time most played song on spotify, and its so perfect and magical and if u listen to the dolby atmos stems theres some really nice drums and the 'my mind turns your life into folkloorreeeee' like is SO meta i love her for that

cowboy like me - con artists falling in love????? COUNT ME IN. ohh and i feel like im gonna do this a lot on this album but i have some lyrics that i neeeed to give a shout out to : 'and the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to f*ck this up' , 'now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon, with your boots beneath my bed, forever is the sweetest con' imagine being able to write like that likee damn girl

'tis the damn season - im so obsessed with how this song is the other perspective from the song dorethea,, this is honestly the song i listen to the most every december bc its just the perfect holiday song for me

ivy - I CANT EVEN SHOUT OUT LYRICS HERE BECAUSE THE WHOLE SONG IS LITERALLY GOD TIER LYRICISM. WHO LET HER DO THIS. HOW DOES ONE JUST WRITE ALL OF THIS???????????????? TS > SHAKESPEARE

marjorie - this song is such a beautiful one and its my mums favourite and she always tells me to play it when i have the aux 🥹 when taylor plays this at the eras tour and that part with marjories opera singing plays and u can see taylor crying i just wanna bawl my eyes out

evermore - every few months i rediscover this song and its so perfect and the part in the bridge where the intensity is building and bilding and in the line 'you were there' her voice softens and the whole feeling of anxiety just subsides andaahhhhhhhassdbfkssf , same energy as ootw where the bridge is super fast and anxious and the end shes like 'you were lookin at me' and her voice softens there too, its such a cool thing to do vocally and it rly tells u the perspective the song is from with her spiraling and her lover kinda pulling her back into the present (its giving jacinter energyy)

willow - for literally no reason whenever i hear this song i think of a mermaid and a pirate falling in love,, and theyre both lesbians (i dont make the rules thats just how it is ok) 'wait for the signal and i'll meet you after dark' the only logical conclusion to be drawn from this is that the mermaid and pirate are sneaking around bc mermaids and pirates hate eachother,, like romeo and juliet,,,, like ariel and eric. do u see the vision. do u see the forbidden love. yeah u get it (i know it says thats my man in the song but im choosing to ignore that) (ALSO IM NOT A GAYLOR THIS IS JUST HOW I LIKE TO THINK OF THE SONG LOL)

champagne problems - the fact that she wrote this with joe is insane like how do u sit with ur bf and write a breakup song like this as a fictional thing,, and then break up for the reason in said song 3 years later?????? wild😭

right where you left me - DELUSION ANTHEM 🗣🔊💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

tolerate it - man this song is depressing,, like u know how the song ends with 'i sit and watch you' thats because its repeating the fist line of the song. as in shes in a loop. as in she has all these thoughts and realisations and then realises she has to leave and then ends up right where she started and stays. deep.

no body, no crime - OHH IMAGINE SITTING ROUND A CAMPFIRE SINGING THIS ONE ITS SUCH A FUN MURDER STORY LOVEEE IT

coney island - the bridge with all the references 😫 'were you standing in the hallway, with a big cake, happy birthday / and they're all standing around me singing "happy birthday to you but there was one thing missing' , 'did I paint your bluest skies the darkest grey? / you paint me a blue sky then go back and turn it to rain' , 'and when I got into the accident the sight that flashed before me was your face / remember when you hit the brakes too soon? .... but when the sun came up, I was looking at you' , 'but when I walked up to the podium, i think that I forgot to say your name' / this ones about calvin harris but there isnt a song about it,, but she does talk about this in the miss americana documentary

long story short - this song is literally the whole of reputation summarised its so good

dorothea - this ones the betty of the album,, the simple acoustic part of a song parinng / group, like ive said i love it when she returns to her roots and releases things reminiscent of debut

its time to go - I HATE YOUUUU SCOOTER

happiness - this one is very sad but a little uplifting i guess, i find it so sweet how taylor writes songs for abigail (fifteen and this) to help her get through things

closure - ok i know this is at the bottom of my ranking but i actually really like this song a lot,,, the production is what people hate but i love how its all chaos, representing the whole drama with the breakdown in taylor and scooter / karlies friendships and then the piano comes in smoothly THROUGH the chaos, which reminds me of taylor just ignoring all that drama and being able to move on while theyre still just bothering her in the background

BEA. THIS TOOK AGES I HATE YOU HAHAHAHH

[motownfiction]

cottonwood

Daniel drives Rosemary home from a birthday party on a Saturday night. One of her friends at school celebrated her thirteenth birthday at a roller rink. As he and Rose back out of the parking lot, Daniel chuckles and says he can’t think of anything more eighties than a birthday party at a roller rink. Rosemary rolls her eyes.

“It’s not ‘eighties,’ Daddy,” she says. “It’s just roller skating. Not everything belongs to the eighties. You know that, right?”

Daniel laughs a little harder.

“Yeah, yeah, I know that,” he says. “Hey, Little Miss Y2K. Why don’t you hook up that iPod I got you for Christmas to the cord I got in here?”

“Daddy! No!”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s my music! Don’t you think music should be private?”

“I think if music was private, we wouldn’t have anything fun to do.”

Rosemary sighs. They come to a stop light, and Daniel tightens his grip around the steering wheel. He looks toward the sky through the windshield, just a little bit.

I know, he thinks. I know what I sound like. I know who I sound like, too.

“I don’t want you to make fun of the songs I like,” Rosemary says as she sheepishly takes her lime green iPod out of her purse.

“What?” Daniel says. “Rose. I’d never make fun of you. You know that, right?”

“I guess.”

“Where’d you get an idea like that? Who’s making fun of you?”

“Well, when we had to see Uncle Charlie at Christmas, he asked me what my favorite song was. I told him it was ‘Perfect Situation.’ He told me to listen to Buddy Holly.”

“The song or the guy?”

“There’s a song?”

“Mmm-hmm. Weezer. Same band as ‘Perfect Situation.’”

Rosemary throws her hands against her face, a perfect homage to Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. Daniel smiles as the light turns green.

“Well, then, I guess it’s a good thing I kinda liked all that old stuff,” she says. “‘Peggy Sue’ and all that. It’s not bad.”

“No, it’s not,” Daniel says. “Are you gonna stop stalling and play me a song from your iPod?”

Rosemary groans but hooks up the iPod to the car, anyway.

“Fine,” she says. “This is a song I’ve been listening to a lot lately. Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’ll never make fun of you.”

Rosemary looks at him like she believes him … looks at him with eyes that look so much like his own. If Daniel wasn’t behind the wheel of this car, he might just cry looking at her.

The song begins. Some ethereal sound, the kind that teenagers seem to be really into these days. It doesn’t sound bad. Just nothing like the music he grew up with.

Good, he thinks. It doesn’t need to be like then.

He hears Rosemary lightly singing along with the lyrics.

Will you say to them when I’m gone / “I loved your son for his sturdy arms?”

Daniel lets out a long breath. He knew he’d been holding it. Just didn’t know how strange it would feel to let it go. He looks at Rosemary out of the corner of his eye. She doesn’t seem to hear what he’s thinking. Daniel almost can’t believe it. Almost six whole years since they buried Sam, and it’s like the kids barely think about him anymore. Daniel exhales again. Are they lucky not to be thinking of him all the time? Or are they selfish? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know, but before he can catch up with himself, he’s laughing.

“What’s the matter?” Rosemary asks. “You’re laughing like the Joker.”

“No, I’m not,” Daniel says. “This is just making me think of Cottonwood.”

“What’s Cottonwood?”

“Cottonwood is the place your Uncle Sam and I made up when we were … oh, a little older than you. Fifteen, I think. It’s the place we said we were going to go when it got too cold and too boring around here, back at home.”

“I thought that was Beech Grove.”

“Ah, no. That’s the place your mom and Lucy made up. They told us we weren’t allowed there. So Sam and I made our own place, and we called it Cottonwood.”

“What about Will?”

“Will was allowed in Beech Grove with the girls. Lucky bastard. Anyway, we had all these ideas for what Cottonwood was going to be like and look like … and then we found out it was just this boring city in Arizona. So kind of like Beech Grove in Indiana.”

“Yeah. Seems like it.”

They drive in almost silence with the song in between them. It sounds almost nice. Like nothing Daniel’s really used to hearing. He asks Rosemary where she heard the song, and she blushes an awkward shade of pink before she says she can’t remember. Daniel, then, takes it to mean the unspoken truth: She must have heard it in one of those videos that makes Lilly and Oliver from Hannah Montana seem like they’re a couple. He doesn’t say anything. Just smiles.

If Sam were here, poor Rose wouldn’t have to get her musical recommendations from Hannah Montana fans on the Internet. He’d teach her and the boys about micro-genres he made up, just like he did for Elenore when she was young. But he’s not here. He’s not here because he’s dead; because stupid Charlie, who makes fun of Rosemary’s musical taste in the middle of Christmas, couldn’t be bothered to get a license or remember to bring the kids’ presents to the party. And now, Daniel’s left to pick up all the pieces … to figure out where Sam would have started.

The song ends, and Daniel turns the radio back on.

“What are you doing?” Rosemary asks.

“I’m gonna teach you the first thing about Cottonwood,” Daniel says. “It has a very specific soundtrack, and you really have to listen for it.”

Rosemary grins. And in that grin, Daniel sees that Sam’s still there. That he’s still there, too.

It’s a good feeling, he thinks, to know you’re not going anywhere. It’s a good feeling to know that you live in the gleam of your daughter’s eye.

(part of @nosebleedclub january challenge -- day xxv! another busy day, another day where i’m behind)

[alkarchive]

2023 (EN) - Hiiro’s Birthday Minitalks

*transcribed from the english localization of the game with minor modifications for flow/grammar

Party at the Agency - 1

Hiiro: Hi, Anzu! Thank you for hosting my birthday party today!

It's so amazing. I've been to other idols' birthday parties before, but I feel a little different this time.

You mean there are more people coming to celebrate my birthday, and there are also cakes and delicious dishes? Right, it's always like that! I'm looking forward to my birthday party!

→ Have you gotten any birthday wishes?

Answer 1

Hiiro: Yep! I ran into my brother this morning, and he wished me a happy birthday!

He gave me the silver accessory he used in a photoshoot recently as a present.

It seemed that my brother was waiting for someone. I'm so glad I could meet him by chance.

Answer 2

Hiiro: Ah, Shiina and Hinata greeted me in our dorm room!

Shiina said his wishes to me while eating snacks before breakfast. Hinata was a bit flustered because he didn't know that today was my birthday.

Hinata told me that he would make my next birthday full of surprises from the moment I woke up. I wonder what will happen, and I'm already looking forward to it ♪

→ So you came here with your friends.

Answer 1

Hiiro: Actually, I couldn't sit still somehow, so I went to the Karate Dojo and asked my club president to practice with me.

But it turns out that, at the same time, my friends in ALKALOID came to my dorm to pick me up...

Aira was even a bit angry because they were shocked to find the room was empty when they arrived.

Answer 2

Hiiro: Yep. All my friends in ALKALOID said it would feel lonely if I went to the party alone, so they came along with me.

Haha. But in fact, it's totally all right for me to walk here by myself.

Ah. Come to think of it, Anzu, I met you for the first time when I got lost in ES, and you came to help me out. Now I've remembered all the paths I usually take!

Party at the Agency - 2

Hiiro: ♪~♪~♪

Hm? The star of today doesn't need to sing this song? Now that you've mentioned it, at the birthday parties I attended before, the ones having their birthdays really didn't sing this song.

Ahaha, I can't help but sing along because everyone else is singing it.

→ Happy Birthday!

Answer 1

Hiiro: Woah! What!? Why are there so many pieces of colorful paper appearing in front of me all of a sudden?

Ah. Is this a... "party popper"? It scared me. So that's how it feels when a "party popper" is pointed at me.

Ah. I thought it was an attack from someone because the sound was so loud.

Answer 2

Hiiro: Thank you! Hm? There's an additional dish here right now?---

Woah, that round and yellow one... is that omurice? Did Shiina make it for me?

That's amazing! I have never seen such a huge omurice! Woah, I'm so happy!

→Let’s blow the candles out.

Answer 1

Hiiro: Hm? If I blow them all out at once, my wish may come true...?

Heh, so that’s the way people in the city make wishes!

...Alright. I’ve decided on my wish, and I’m going to blow them out! On three~!

Answer 2

Hiiro: Ah, I see people do that! You blow at the candles and extinguish all the fire, right?

Alright, I’ll need to take a deep breath in order to do that. Breathe in~, breathe out~...

Ah, that’s not it! I naturally started taking deep breaths instead!

Party at the Agency - 3

Hiiro: I've been stuffed with delicious dishes, and a lot of people wished me a happy birthday.

What a wonderful birthday party!

Thank you so much. Anzu, and everyone!

→ I'm happy to hear that.

Answer 1

Hiiro: Yep! Especially the poker game we played together! It was so much fun!

When the four of us in ALKALOID play pokers, I'm deeply impressed by Tatsumi--- he is incredibly good at the joker game!

When he was dueling with Tenshouin in the joker game, I couldn't even tell who held the joker card. The atmosphere was so intense, and I was almost trembling.

Answer 2

Hiiro: Haha. No matter whose birthday it is, you always do your best to prepare for the party, Anzu.

Whether it's the dishes or this cake, you must have taken my liking into consideration while preparing them, Anzu.

Thank you very much, Anzu...♪

→ Let's celebrate together next year.

Answer 1

Hiiro: Oh? There will be a celebration next year, too?

Hearing that, I'm already looking forward to my next birthday!

...W-what am I talking about? Today's party hasn't ended yet! I'm too impatient!

Answer 2

Hiiro: Really? I'm so happy about it!

I finally know what a birthday party in the city is like!

And next year, I want to celebrate birthdays for other people in a way from my hometown!

[iguana-braces]

Enigmatic (Rooster x Reader) 18+

Gods forgive me as this is my first time writing narrative smut in…. a long time. -- Masterlist

Description: You and Roosters firsts; first meeting, first kiss/first time ;) (f!reader, porn with the barest hint of plot, the La Croix of plot)

Warnings: Explicit 18+ content, oral sex (m! and f! receiving), vaginal sex, mentions of alcohol, explicit language

Word Count: 2k

Note: Shout out to imaginesbyhaley and ceasersaladslut for informing me Rooster drives a Bronco!! Updated to reflect this crucial information.

MINORS DNI, 18+

Walking in like he owned the place, with a Hawaiian shirt, aviators, and that mustache… It might’ve been the fact that you were on your third vodka soda, but you just had to know who this joker was. 

Sidling up to him as he ordered at the bar, you remarked, “Hey, I think the 80’s called, they want their aesthetic back.”

“Ha-ha, that's hilarious,” he replied with a wry laugh. “But it was funnier the first four hundred times I heard it.”

“Damn. Well, it certainly does work for you.” The 80’s had contributed a lot of positive things to society; great music, pretty good movies, neon. And while this specific look hadn’t previously been among that list for you, this random bar stranger was changing that. Perhaps it was because his thin, low-cut tank top did little to hide his surprisingly muscular and tanned chest. 

The man turned towards you, looked you up and down, then smiled, apparently pleased with what he saw. “Is it working for you?”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw your best friend, who’d been watching this interaction from down the bar, snort over their drink. You almost didn’t know what to say at this sudden change of direction. Well, maybe it wasn’t so sudden, you hadn’t been very discreet about ogling his pecs. 

“I… decline to answer that.”

But it did work on you, well enough for you to allow him to drive you and your friend home after your night out. This random guy’s Jeep was far cheaper than an Uber, which negated the equal amount of risk of getting into a stranger's car. 

After dropping your friend off first, he parked in front of your apartment. Pretending to fumble with your seat-belt, you waited for him to make the first move, but he remained quiet. Shit. 

“By the way, the answer is yes,” you started.

“Hm?”

“You asked if this look was working for me. It is.”

He smiled and nodded. “...I’ll keep that in mind. Have a good rest of your night.”

You couldn’t hide the shock on your face. “That’s it?”

“Well, you gotta leave ‘em wanting more.” And by god, did you want more. But apparently he was set on being a gentleman, not one to give it up on the first night. “I'll see you around, hopefully.”

~

You did see him around, sporadically, and which was when you finally learned his name was Bradley Bradshaw. Brad².

“Yeah, my parents were real funny people,” he had noted in response to your snicker. That was another clue you picked up on, his use of past tense when referring to his parents, but you’d let that remain a story for another time. You also learned he was a fighter pilot with a penchant for impromptu karaoke and a voice like butter. All of this was adding up to paint a picture of a strange but insanely intriguing man. 

You wanted to know everything about him, where he was coming from, where he was planning on going next. The two of you ended up spending many a night talking on the beach until the sun started to rise. 

But the most recent thing you learned about him was revealed during a rousing rendition of Lady Gaga’s “You and I”. When he wasn’t looking at the piano keys, Brad was looking directly at you over the frame of his lowered aviators, like he was… singing to you? Was this song supposed to be about you and him? You had to look away, hiding your face in your hands as you blushed furiously. 

After the way he shot you down on that first night, you’d come to accept that talking would be all the two of you would do. But apparently this had just been one hell of a slow burn. Two could play at that game. 

After his performance, you slung your purse over your shoulder as he approached you at the bar. 

“I think I’m gonna call it a night.”

“This early?”

“Yeah, I have to get up early tomorrow. Could I get a ride?”

~

“So… Lady Gaga,” you commented

“Hey, it’s a good bar song. People can clap along, sing along.”

“And that’s the only reason you chose it?”

“Well… it’s not the only reason.”

He didn’t elaborate further, only smiling. Trying to get a straight answer out of Bradley in regards to his feelings about anything was like pulling teeth. But at the same time, you weren’t about to spill your guts to him first. He hit on you first, then shot you down. Then he serenaded you and now… silence. When he pulled up in front of your apartment this time, your seatbelt gave you no trouble.

"Well, thanks for the ride." You didn’t wait for a response before you climbed out of the car. 

“That’s it?” he called after you. You rolled your eyes, walking around to the driver’s side, leaning on his open window. 

“I don’t know, is it? Are you ready for 'more', Lieutenant Bradshaw?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Well, then the night is still young.” 

The second your apartment door closed, you walked him back towards the wall and kissed him. He tasted like beer and the mint gum he’d been chewing in the car. At least one of you had planned ahead for this. Was this his game all along, draw things out and then strike when you least expect it?

You couldn’t let your mind be clouded with thoughts like that as you slipped your hand under his shirt, running it over his skin to his muscular back. 

Barely breaking the kiss, he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the side, his sunglasses clattering to the floor somewhere. 

"I gotta use the bathroom first." 

"Good idea." 

Quickly, you did your best five-minute shave job and freshened up. By the time you returned to the bedroom, Bradley was sprawled across your bed on his back, looking at the pictures and artwork on the walls. Trying your absolute hardest to look sexy, you crawled up between his legs, drawing his attention. As you unbuttoned his shorts, he lifted himself so you could remove them, along with his underwear. He wasn’t fully hard, probably because you spent a little too long in the bathroom, but you could tell this would be a satisfying night. 

"Like what you see?" 

"I'm just glad it's not a full-on 80's bush." 

"You're welcome," he laughed. 

Dicks had a very standard manual of operation. You suck the tip, lick it, stroke the shaft, don’t neglect the balls. The guy will usually say if they want it harder, slower, softer, faster. And of course, there’s one thing they all seem to love. Slowly, you worked down the length of his dick, taking as much of it into your mouth as possible, which was almost all of it. As your nose brushed against his pelvis, Bradley’s head fell back and he sighed into an, "Ohh, fuck." 

Encouraged by his reaction, you pulled back for a quick breath, then quickly deepthroated him again, and again, eventually getting into a rhythm. His hand gently pressed against the back of your head as his breathing became deeper, deep "Mmh"s rumbling from his throat. When your jaw started to hurt, you returned to what you’d been doing at the beginning, aided by nature’s alternative lubricator: saliva. 

"Stopstopstopstop,” Brad gasped after a few more minutes, gently pushing your head back. “Oh, fuck." 

"What, too much?" 

He didn’t respond for a minute, staring up at the ceiling as his breathing slowed. Finally he sat up. "Well, I don't wanna finish before we even start. Your turn, up here,” he stated, patting the bed next to him.

"I have a better idea, lay down again."  

It had been all you could think about while you were blowing him. The way his mouth hung open as he sighed and quietly swore, watching what you were doing. You knew exactly how he’d repay the favor. As soon as his back hit the bed, you swung your leg over him, straddling his face. 

“Oh. Got it.”

"Gotta put that porn-stache into action." 

Bradley chuckled. “You know what? I’ll take that. Lieutenant Porn-stache, reporting for duty. And it looks like it’ll be a smooth ride today,” he said, running two fingers through your already slicked folds. 

After whispering a silent prayer of please let him be good at this, you let him pull you down to his mouth, which began licking stripes over and around your clit. Every once in a while, he’d stop to gently suck on it, his tongue flicking over the bud repeatedly in the most obscene fashion, like he was drinking the god’s nectar. One of his hands ran up your leg, grabbing at your ass as you grinded against his tongue.

The visual of him between your legs was just as hot as you’d imagined it to be but suddenly, you wished you had been lying down for this as you struggled to stay upright, leaning forward against the wall for support. 

As the pleasure became more intense, you instinctively tensed, almost pulling away, but Bradley firmly held you in place as your orgasm hit. Crying out, you were practically whimpering as the man below you did not let up as wave after wave washed over you. 

As you fought to regain rational thinking, you barely noticed him lift you just enough to slip out from under you. Only when he returned from the bathroom, drying off his face with a towel, were you able to acknowledge him again. 

“Did you have a nice ride?”

“Oh, it was just lovely.” 

“Glad you enjoyed it.” He kissed you again, although now his mouth tasted overwhelmingly like you. “Ready for one more?”

He laid down next to you again and you realized his intention. “But I was just on top!” 

“And maybe that’s where I like you to be,” he coaxed, grinning at you.  

Looking into his dark eyes, you knew this argument was a lost cause because he looked so damn cute when he smiled like that, how could you say no? And again, your mind was getting ahead of itself, picturing what was about to happen. And it wasn’t a bad picture at all.

But your legs still felt shaky as you spread them, again straddling him, this time positioning yourself above his erection. Your hands resting on his broad chest, you slowly lowered yourself onto him, feeling his cock fill you up. 

Stutteringly, you began to ride him, attempting to gyrate like those pornstars do and clearly struggling. But Brad didn’t seem to mind, in fact, he helped. Gripping your hips, his hands guided your movements as he thrust upward against you. It was slow going, but the two of you were able to find your own rhythm and steadily picked up the pace. 

Soon, your own libido took over, urging you to ride him harder and faster and it no longer mattered if you looked like a pornstar because the way you were moving certainly made you moan like one. Briefly looking down, you saw Bradley’s eyes roaming over your body, but mainly fixing on that space between your legs. 

"Like what you see?" 

"Yeah. Yeah, I really do," he replied, looking up into your eyes. Somehow, that felt like something more than just his lust talking. If only he would use his words, but that would be an issue for some other time. Right now you were only fixated on how good this all felt. 

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." 

"Where's my phone?" 

Luckily, it was on the bed nearby so you didn't have to break your connection, only momentarily slowing down your movements. Holding his phone up by his face, he said, "It's on video, keep going."

You returned to your previous speed of bouncing on his dick, eliciting genuine moans from you. But you also knew you had to play up for the camera and give him something worth watching when he was gone. 

"Now I know why they call you Rooster," you said loudly in your most sultry voice. "Cuz you have the best cock around." 

You barely finished the sentence before bursting into laughter. 

“Goddamnit.” But Bradley was laughing too, shaking his head. “That was bad.”

“Yeah, okay, Lieutenant Porn-stache. You close?”

“I can be.”

Despite your enjoyment, you could feel yourself tiring. Brad turned off his phone, which had been recording the ceiling for the last minute or so that his attention slipped, and tossed it to the side.

"You gonna take a screenshot of that, print it out? Put it in your cockpit?" 

"Uh, no, because I need my blood to be going to my brain so I don't fly into a mountainside."

"Fair enough." 

"But I'll get plenty of use out of it, don't you worry. Come’ere."

You leaned forward, laying down on top of him. His arms wrapped around your body, the two of you kissing as you slowly moved against each other. The night’s events briefly replayed in your mind; the song, the jokes, the way it felt to be in his arms. As frustrating and enigmatic as he was, it felt like everything was falling into place, exactly where it should be. 

“Should I pull out?” he muttered against your lips. 

“No, I’m on birth control.”

“You sure?”

“Mhmm.”

His hands resting on your rear kept you in place as he picked up the pace. Pleasure began to form in your core again and soon you could tell he was close too, the feverish way he drilled himself into you. His lips left wet kisses down your neck as the two of you held each other as tightly as possible, hips grinding against each other relentlessly. You let your head fall into the mattress, panting and moaning against Bradley’s shoulder. Slick sweat started to coat your skin where it met with his. 

Finally, his hips slammed into yours just a few more times, hitting just the right spot as you both reached your peaks. Your gasping swears were accompanied by his stifled groans against your ear, his cock pulsing inside you as his movements slowed. 

The two of you stayed like that for a while, feeling the rising and falling of each other’s chests as your breath evened out. You could’ve fallen asleep like that, resting on his shoulder, if it weren’t for the uncomfortable way your legs were pulled up under you. When you finally raised your head, you saw your lovely lieutenant had indeed fallen asleep. 

“Are you serious?”

He blinked awake, turning towards you. “Did you say something?”

“What, you cum and immediately pass out?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he scoffed, “That doesn’t sound like me.”

“You don’t know what I’m talking about because you were fully unconscious.”

He shook his head, waving a dismissive hand in the air. “Nah, I don’t believe it. Fake news.”

“Fuck off.”

He was frustrating and enigmatic, but you couldn’t deny, he was exactly where he should be. 

[daydreaming-optimist]

10 songs for 10 ships?

First and foremost, apologies for having this in my ask box for months, I had to really think about it and then I forgot oops

These aren't necessarily my top 10 ships, just ones that I felt like matched a song or part of a song :)

I’m trying to avoid putting the love songs that they literally sing to each other in musicals and find an unrelated song but it’s a struggle so these might all end up being book characters instead

Addie and Henry (The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab) - Like Real People Do (Hozier)

“I will not ask you where you came from / I will not ask and neither will you / honey just put your sweet lips on my lips / we should just kiss like real people do”

Cath and Jest (Heartless by Marissa Meyer) - The Joker and the Queen (Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift)

“and who was I to say that this was meant to be? / the road that was broken brought us together”

“when I fold you see the best in me / the joker and the queen”

I mean come on, the book’s about the court joker and the (future) queen of hearts falling in love, how could I not choose this song? it’s IN THE TITLE

Celia and Marco (The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern) - So It Goes... (Taylor Swift)

“all eyes on you, my magician / all eyes on us / you make everyone disappear”

“cause we break down just a little / when you get me alone it’s so simple”

“all the pieces fall right into place / getting caught up in the moment / lipstick on your face”

“all eyes on me, your illusionist / all eyes on us / I make all your grey days clear”

tbh I’m not convinced she didn’t read the book before writing this song

Percy and Annabeth (PJO/HoO by Rick Riordan, but specifically House of Hades for this song) - Take on the World (You Me At Six)

“and just say the word, we'll take on the world / just say you're hurt, we'll face the worst / nobody knows you, the way that I know you / look in my eyes, I will never desert you"

“and it's the fight, and the fight of our lives / you and I, we were made to thrive / and I am your future, I am your past / never forget that we were built to last”

“we'll fight, we'll crawl into the night / our world, we'll go, with you by my side / the calm, the storm, we'll face it all”

Patroclus and Achilles (The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller) - Dancing with Your Ghost (Sasha Alex Sloan)

“yelling at the sky / screaming at the world / baby why’d you have to go away?”

“I stay up all night, tell myself I’m alright”

“never got the chance / to say your last goodbye / I gotta move on / but it hurts to try”

Alina and Mal (Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo) - You Are In Love (Taylor Swift)

“he keeps his word / and for once you let go / of your fears and your ghosts”

“you fight, then you talk” 

“one night he wakes / strange look on his face / pauses then says / “you’re my best friend” / and you knew what it was / he is in love”

“and you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars”

Jonathan and Mina (Dracula by Bram Stoker, during the part when he was in Budapest and literally dying but could only think of Mina and she comes to tend to him) - Work Song (Hozier)

“when my time comes around / lay me gently in the cold dark earth / no grave could hold my body down / I’ll crawl home to her”

“I was burning up a fever / I didn’t care much how long I lived / but I swear I thought I dreamed her / she never asked me once about the wrong I did”

Cress and Thorne (The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer) - Modern Rapunzel (The Covasettes)

“are you alright? / locked up all night / do you feel like running out into open space?”

“I say come on, get on / burst out of your bubble / we're a long time gone / my modern Rapunzel / cause I get the feeling one day you'll fight”

“so take your sweet heart and drop it at my feet / everything you want, I can be”

Orpheus and Eurydice (Hadestown by Anais Mitchell) - I Hear a Symphony (Cody Fry)

“I used to hear a simple song / that was until you came along / now in it’s place is something new / I hear it when I look at you”

“you are more beautiful by far / our flaws are who we really are”

“you took my broken melody / and now I hear a symphony”

Chaol and Yrene (Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas) - Thinking Out Loud (Ed Sheeran)

“when your legs don’t work like they used to before”

[purplelupins]

Obedience

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V

Fargo set in season 3

Pairing: V.M. Varga x reader

Warnings: mentions of injury, violence

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The chill of the morning, Minnesota air whipped around y/n’s ears as she walked to the front door of the Stussy Mansion. It was a large and nice enough home, but it was not a reflection of wealth in her eyes. It held no meaning. It did not mean he had money- it meant he spent money.

It was a perfect reflection of the man’s character. Hollow.

The young woman knocked on the door quickly, and it opened almost immediately. Meemo stared back at her and cracked a small smile, nodding his head to her in recognition.

“Merry Christmas Meemo.”

She walked past him and shrugged off her coat as the warm air hugged her inside. It was a terribly empty home; most likely from Stussy’s wife leaving him. She shook her head at the memory.

“Ah! The Christmas spirit herself.”

Y/n turned to see Varga decend the steps of the massive staircase. He looked quite jovial.

“Mr. Varga. Good morning. Am I to assume you are taking the form of Krampus today, sir?” She said to him as he walked to her, a smile on his face from her joke.

“You flatter me.” He said with a laugh in his tone, “No car this morning? Fancied a morning walkie?” He asked playfully.

Y/n bit the inside of her cheek to try and keep in a laugh at his words. This man could truly go from using the most articulate vocabulary to speaking like a child in the same sentence. It was terribly enjoyable to listen to.

“I did. Just a little ways.” Y/n called over her shoulder as she hung her coat up. Then, a lovely smell hit her, like all the perfect Christmas meals at once. She snapped her head to Varga, who gave her a knowing look. She smiled and ran to the kitchen.

He couldn’t have their girl starve on Christmas.

In the kitchen, Meemo stood with his usual headphones in, dancing while unwrapping a table full of food. Anything she could think of was laid out before her. Y/n was frozen in excitement.

“What is all this?” She said to the man dancing. He turned and simply said “Special day.”

“Grab a plate and sit down, my dear, I have a few things to speak with you about.” Came Varga just over her shoulder like a shadow. She looked over at him and smiled.

“You treat me too well.”

Y/n made quick work of fixing a plate, complete with apple pie. She ate away happily, while Varga stood by the stove, watching her, “The other Stussy is dead. His harlot was moved to a detention facility last night, which Yuri intercepted…he has yet to report back but nothing to worry about there.” He said is a dry, sing-song voice that almost made the young woman choke.

Y/n felt a stroke of worry through her, hoping the Ukrainian man was alright. Intercepting a prison transfer?

“We have one more joker to draw out of the deck of cards, though, little one.” He drawled, walking to her with a leg of chicken in his hand. Y/n looked up at him.

Another one?

“Who?” She asked.

“A man you have a certain, well deserved dislike for.” Varga pulled out a chair next to her and sat.

“Sy.” She whispered. But that wasn’t possible. Emmit would never-

“Indeed. Mr. Feltz should be arriving soon, and I do believe he will require a rather bright vehicle to drive him away.” He mused.

Bright…?

“You’re going to maim him.” She asked while swiping a dollop of mashed potato onto her turkey.

“You are.”

At that, she paused.

“How?” She placed another mouthful of food between her lips.

Varga reached into his jacket and pulled out a tea bag.

“Laced?” She asked. Poison.

“Yes.”

Y/n nodded, chewing thoughtfully.

“I’ll take care of it.” She murmured, finishing off her pie and turning fully to the older man. His eyes were filled with excitement- he wanted to see her be ruthless. He wondered how far she would go, if not here, then in the future. He held her chin just as he had the day previous, as if to be sure she wouldn’t fly up the chimney.

A knock on the door broke the comfortable quiet. Varga flicked his eyes to Meemo who was thoroughly enjoying a certain song, and nodded to the door. The man walked and opened it begrudgingly, and a few words were said, but not from Meemo, only for the door slam shut a moment later. Y/n exchanged a look with the older man as if to say ‘I’m right behind you.’ She held the tea bag and took her plate to the sink.

There was more knocking, though not as polite.

Varga sighed and stood, taking his leg of chicken and strode leisurely to the front door.

Y/n heard the bells on the front door chime as it opened again, “Sy, come in.” Came Varga’s pleasant voice.

Y/n shivered uncomfortably at the name.

“We’re just having lunch, mind you.” Varga’s voice echoed as the other man entered.

“Where’s Emmit? I tried calling him yesterday but…” Sy stood in the foyer with the older man, his voice wavering terribly.

“He’s resting. He’s upstairs…all this bother with his brother. He’s very upset.” Y/n bit the inside of her cheek; the allusive V.M. Varga could sound so concerned and empathetic when he needed to.

“I know, I was there…so uh…if he’s… can you get him? Like I told your man, the police asked us to come down to the precinct and give a statement.” Feltz was uncomfortable, very uncomfortable.

“Yeah, that’s all taken care of.” Y/n could hear Varga steer the man towards the kitchen. She put the kettle on, and plastered a smile on, though she knew it was more devious than welcoming.

“What? When?” They entered kitchen, Sy looking like a lost child.

“Just come and take a seat. Please.”

Y/n turned to Sy and greeted him, “Merry Christmas Mr. Feltz.”

Rot in a hole.

The man jumped at her voice, no doubt terrified from numerous threats to not engage with her. He shot her a nervous smile and nod before Varga continued.

“In fact there’s some very good news.” Varga fixed him a plate from each dish on the table, it was almost comical how much care he put into it.

“Good news?” Sy asked quietly. Y/n was certain she saw a few beads of sweat fall down his brow. She poured the steaming water into the cup with the tea bag and slowly circled the men, out of view, just behind Feltz. Waiting.

“Yes. Today you are $5 million richer than you were yesterday.” Varga said happily.

Sy twitched at his words “What?”

“Year-end bonuses.”

“We already-“

“-round two. There is a round three but I thought it better to hold it till the next fiscal year. Sweet potato?”

“Uh…no. I’m not very hungry.” The colour began to drain from Sy’s face. A small smirk formed on y/n’s lips at his wavering voice.

“No no, it would be a shame to let it all go to waste. Think of all them starving children…no? What about some tea then? Fancy a nice cuppa?” Varga smiled condescendingly at him before flicking his eyes to y/n. She grinned.

“Sure- Good Christ.” Y/n presented the cup right in front of his nose, her pulse picking up.

“Sugar?” Came the older man, thoroughly flustering him.

“That’s …fine.” Sy managed.

“It was me mum’s recipe. The secret of which she smuggled beneath her bosom all the way from Wales to Bristol.” Varga mused. Y/n found herself wondering what it was that was in the tea, if that story was indeed true…and exactly who his mother was.

Sy sipped at the tea tentatively, then made a scrunched up face, “It’s a little bitter.”

Y/n watched Varga lean a little closer to the man, “Yeah, well try some more …I think you’ll find it smooths out nicely.” He pushed menacingly.

Sy took another drink, almost draining the cup, as if he hoped it would end the moment.

Varga watched him, pleased that he finished it, and took the cup from his grip before clapping his hand on the man’s shoulder.

“Right, well, I’ll tell the big man you stopped by, and don’t worry about all this trouble with the police, I think you’ll find these things have a way of cleaning themselves up.” The older man said.

Sy stood slowly and walked with Varga to the door with y/n just behind them, “Okay well just…I feel like I should at least check on him. Make sure he’s..”

Varga cut him off, “No, he’s really resting now. A little bit of the old snore and drool. He took a pill I think. Maybe two or three…as soon as he’s wakeys I’ll have him give you a ring-a-ding. Copasetic?”

Y/n stifled a laugh at his use of words while Sy looked puzzled and lost. He stood on the stoop, still not fully registering anything that just happened, “5 million?”

Varga gave him a nod, “Bye bye Mr. Feltz.” And swung the door shut.

The house was quiet once again.

Y/n could see Meemo out of the corner of her eye dancing in the large room under the stairs. After a moment, she felt the large hand of Varga next to her take her arm, and began to guide her into the kitchen. She still struggled to keep in a laugh.

“Ring-a-ding?” She asked playfully, placing her hand over his and staring up at him as they came to stand a food apart in the kitchen.

“Yes. Very technical term, my dear.” He murmured in her ear, coming to lean against the counter. Y/n gazed up at him, a smirk on her lovely lips as she remembered the night previous; a slight ache between her legs. Varga could see her eyes darken.

“He won’t be an issue again.” He rasped, slipping his hands into his pockets.

“That bad?” She asked, taking a step forward.

“Worse.” He said, raising a brow.

The young woman grinned.

“Good.”

Two months later.

March was a lovely month. The sun began to shine and the flowers slowly bloomed.

Ever since Sy Feltz had slipped into his coma on Christmas Day, business was smoother than ever. Unlike him, Emmit Stussy was unbelievably easy to manipulate and persuade, especially while alone. He was a weak man with the weight of his own brother’s death on her shoulders. Varga had managed to expand Stussy Lots LTD exponentially in the last two months, needing only a few signatures from the man in question and $50 Million in loans. A “cash cow.” he called it.

That afternoon was like many others before it. In the morning, Y/n had walked from her apartment, gotten a coffee, and hopped in a car to go to the semi truck. It had become routine that her and Meemo would spar together, especially after Christmas. She had insisted she help in picking up some slack since Yuri’s disappearance. Sadly, she was not the most agile young woman, and needed guidance. But with the business going smoothly and little to no trouble on the daily, Varga had agreed to the two of them training together, so long as it was in a secluded area.

Each morning they would drive to just outside St. Cloud in an abandoned lot with no owner and for hours, they would fight. Y/n had to ice herself constantly and a few times, Vagra had let out a bark of a laugh at a black eye on Meemo’s face, and that time he returned limping. She was a quick learner, especially since she didn’t want to be out in the cold longer than needed.

On that day, y/n had managed to fully tackle the skilled man to the ground and sprained his arm. He was impressed but bothered by the injury as he drove them back to the truck with one arm.

Meemo had managed to give her a good few scrapes on her arms and a headache from a hard blow to the head. But it was a successful day, regardless.

They pulled up into the quiet lot and y/n jumped out, bouncing to her second home and knocking on the metal door. After a moment, it swung open and Varga knelt down to help her in. He took inventory of the damage to both of them.

“Good god Meemo. Did she beat you?” He asked as the man limped behind her.

He gave Varga a tired look that said, “Yes. Yes she did.”

The older man let out a laugh and clapped his hand on the young woman’s back as they walked down the middle of the container.

“He got me too. Look at these!” She said, rolling her sleeves back and staring down at the deep scrapes on her arms. Varga tsked.

“And here I thought you had no boo-boos.” He inspected them carefully, “Right…get the medical kit and we’ll patch you up.”

Y/n nodded and walked back to the small washroom, passing Meemo as he laid on one of the bunks. She returned a moment later with the kit in hand, and sat up on the computer desk, rolling the other sleeve up, the cloth was already caked with blood. Varga shook his head and went to a cabinet down the container, returning with a shirt, “Off.” He said, pointing at her shirt.

The young woman looked down at it, then slowly removed the shirt she wore, wincing as it pulled over her sore muscles and cuts. She sat there in her bra and pants as he tended to her, pouring a liberal amount of peroxide onto the cuts. She balled her fists in pain as the scrapes fizzed and burned.

“That’s it…” He murmured, wiping away the dirt. Y/n smiled faintly, not really knowing how to behave with his odd care. She watched his hands as they cleaned and placed the large plasters over the wounds, mesmerised. She loved his hands.

“There we are. Good as new.” He said, putting away the kit. Y/n snapped out of her daze and inspected his surprisingly good work; she held her arm up, and Varga took the opportunity to grasp it gently and press a kiss to her wrist.

The sound of a phone ringing from down the container snapped them out of their moment. Y/n smiled up at him, “Thank you, Mr. Varga.”

She slipped his shirt over her small shoulders and buttoned it as Meemo stood and hopped down from the bunk, gingerly making his way over to Varga with the phone held in his hand, “It’s him.”

Varga circled around y/n, grasping the cell and coming back to stand before her, hand in his pocket.

“Mr. Stussy.”

Y/n could hear small snippets of him speaking on the other side.

“Who?…Your dead brother…how interesting.”

Emmit’s voice on the other side was frantic. Y/n watched Varga speak, he raised his hand to her face and held her chin as he had taken to doing often.

“What kind of men? Short men? Melancholy?” He tilted his head to the side, staring at her lips.

Y/n bit the inside of her lip at his cheekiness.

“They?”

The voice on the other side was quieter.

“Canada.” Varga said simply.

There was more talking.

“ If the girl is alive ..if… then she did what any smart person wanted for murder would do and she ran away to Canada.” Varga concluded, rubbing his thumb across her chin thoughtfully. Her breath hitched.

Emmit continued to freak out over the other side.

“You were at the hospital?”

Y/n perked up at that.

“Emmit? Emmit are you listening?”

As if he was speaking to her, y/n listened intently.

“You won.” The older man said.

Y/n could hear Emmit’s confused response.

“Life. Sit tight. Meemo will be over presently to drive you home. There’s some papers for you to sign. You’re selling a shopping mall.” With that, Varga hung up the phone and released her chin. Walking over to Meemo and handing him the phone. The young man left without further instruction, and y/n hopped off the desk, coming to stand against it, arms crossed.

“Something is happening, isn’t it?” She asked.

“It is.” Varga said distantly.

-

Y/n stared down at the newspaper as she sipped at her coffee on one of the bunks inside the container. Another Stussy was killed; another person to add to the roster of victims their scapegoat would take blame for. Ever since Emmit ran from his house following the moustache incident, they had been working to cover their tracks. Emmit confessing to killing his brother was a disaster; he thought he was quick, but they were quicker. He was not going to drag them down.

It had been a few days that Stussy stayed in the police station, held there. He thought he was safe.

Y/n looked down at Varga as he typed away at the computer. Today they would infiltrate the precinct and extract Emmit before he said too much. After a moment, the door opened and Meemo climbed inside, walking past her and down to Varga, “Everything’s ready.” He said.

The older man nodded, switching off the monitors and standing to shrug on his coat.

Y/n followed suit, putting her coffee and newspaper away, and slipping her coat on. It was time.

“I’m not sure one’s gonna do it.” Varga said and they walked out.

“I got another picked out, closer to the precinct.” Meemo stated from behind y/n. They descended the stairs finally installed and walked to the car.

“What matters is he signs those papers. And we get him out of that precinct before he gets too chatty.” Came the older man, walking behind her to the black car waiting.

Meemo held the door open for them, y/n scooting in first.

Meemo continued, “I can monitor the radio. See if there’s a workaround to the security.”

Varga shook his head, “No, let’s move shop, go to stage four. No mistakes.” With that he climbed in after the young woman and the door was shut.

Y/n held her hands in her lap, anxious for what was to come.

The office was eerily quiet. Varga sat at his desk, watching as y/n stared out the dark window to the city outside. It made her think of how many lives were out there; people with no idea of what darkness lurked around them in the shadows. People who had no idea or concept of the V.M. Varga’s in the world. She thought back to herself before everything. Back to when she was sexually harassed and treated like gum on the bottom of men’s shoes. It was freeing to know where she stood. Crime or not, she was calm and happier than ever. Debt free, care free.

“Penny for your thoughts, my dear?”

Y/n turned slowly, to look back at the older man resting in his chair, feet on his desk and hands folded.

“I was thinking about what you’ve done for me, Mr. Varga.” She said with a gleam in her eye.

He smirked, “Do you speak of the occurrence on that very window sill you stand, or something else?”

Y/n sent him a playful glare, but smirked with him, “Both. Mostly the life you gave me and the life you saved me from…The life of a sheep.” She turned back to the window.

“If not I, then someone else would have some along and scooped you up, my dear.” Y/n heard him stand and stalk over to her. She sucked in a breath when his hands grasped her shoulders and he tilted her head to the side to press a kiss on the bruise that sat permanently on her neck. His mark.

“I wouldn’t have followed anyone else. Never will.” She whispered.

He hummed against her skin, then stood next to her, arms crossed. He was silent. Then, y/n felt him stiffen. She looked up- he was staring out into the office by the elevators. Y/n followed his gaze to Meemo running into the office, covered in dirt and blood. She froze.

No.

The man said nothing, none of them did. But they all knew.

The phone rang on Varga’s desk, startling the young woman. The older man walked to it and grasped the receiver to his ear, “Hello?” He said.

“Who’s this?” He asked after he received a response. Y/n listened intently, hearing a female voice.

Nikki Swango.

“Madame, it’s just lazy to steal from someone without knowing their name.”

There was another moment, before Varga spoke again, “Oh…The Swango. Our recidivist.”

She spoke again. A game of cat and mouse.

“No, account numbers mean nothing without their passwords, without the answer to six security questions.”

Y/n saw his face change, to one of annoyance.

“What do you want?”

Another moment.

“V.M. Varga.”

“How much and when?”

“Look if you’re gonna be clever, I’m gonna go for a nice lie down.”he sighed.

The next minute was almost silent save for the light murmurs on the other end of the line. Then, Vargas face changed and he set the receiver down; he grit his teeth together and a heavy silence settled around them.

Y/n exchanged a look with Meemo, he had the same face as her.

They were being blackmailed, and more.

-

Y/n stared down at Nikki Swango through her binoculars, next to Meemo who held a startlingly large rifle pointed down at the woman. Meemo wore an earpiece to listen in on the meeting, but she was only able to watch. Y/n felt a surge of jealousy when she saw Varga sit across from the woman. Her eye twitched. They spoke for far longer than the young woman liked.

She enjoyed when Nikki looked around at the trap- all the men who held strong resemblances to Varga. A few more moments passed, then the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end; she turned away from the window quicker than her spine should have allowed, only to see a massive, red-haired man standing just behind Meemo, a silenced gun to his head. She looked down and saw him holding a knife to her ribs. They both froze. Y/n couldn’t breathe. The man clicked a remote of some kind in his hand, but spoke to words; as if he was signalling to someone, most likely Nikki.

They all stared at one another, though y/n wished at that moment that she too had an earpiece to know what was being said between Swango and Varga. At this point, she didn’t even know if the woman had pulled out a gun and shot him, or if the meeting had ended.

After another few moment, the man suddenly pulled the gun and knife away and disappeared from sight. Y/n looked at Meemo and stared down at where Varga and Nikki had sat. She was gone.

“What happened?” Y/n asked.

“She didn’t take the bait…not even tea. Refused his offer to work for him too. We have until tomorrow to give her the money.” Meemo sighed, shaking his head.

“Well…at least now we know she’s not working alone. I would suggest several extra men for the drop tomorrow.” She murmured before taking off down the fire escape staircase to the bottom of the building and to the car; Meemo just a second after her.

They waited a moment before Varga climbed in and simply said, “Drive.”

The car took off, and the ride was silent until they pulled into the parking garage. They parked, and y/n went to open her door, but a hand on hers stopped her. Varga asked Meemo to get out, needing to speak to the young woman next to him.

“What happened?” He murmured after a minute. Y/n felt that flare of jealousy in her, wanting to ask him the same thing.

“A man snuck up on us. I only noticed him when he was placing a gun against Meemo’s head and a knife to my ribs. Then after a few minutes he walked away.” She said as calmly as she could.

“Let me see.”

Y/n turned to look at the older man. He was deadly serious.

“What?” She asked, not sure if she heard him.

“Sweater. Up.” He commanded.

Y/n nodded and pulled her sweater up, along with her undershirt. Sure enough, there was a red mark where the blade had been. Before she could react, Varga grabbed her arm and pulled her onto his lap. She let out a squeak as she came to rest on him. He placed a hand over her ribs, smoothing a thumb under the redness. It was raw and scraped. Y/n shivered and unconsciously shifted her hips against him.

Varga inspected her, and his eyes grew dark the longer he looked; a slow, quiet rage filling him. He stared at her skin as if he was deep in thought. A few moments passed before either of them did anything. Y/n broke the silence, “Offered her a job, eh?” She clenched her jaw.

The man’s eyes flicked up to hers, “Purely strategical, my dear.” He rasped.

She nodded, though not fully convinced. There was another moment of silence where he continued to watch her and a small smirk threatened to spread his lips.

“Miss l/n are you jealous?”

“No.”

“Yes…and I’m from Portugal.” He said slowly.

Y/n bit the inside of her cheek and looked away; she tried to shift herself off on him but only succeeded in having him hold her even more firmly in place. The young woman let a long sigh leave her- how did her world come to this? He was not property or even close to being hers. They shared something fleeting but the thought of him showing admiration for another woman was a difficult pill to swallow.

After a minute or two, she looked back at those cold blue eyes, her heart swelling pitifully under his gaze. She slowly lost herself, and dipped her head to press her lips to his. Of course, this was not in and of itself a new act, but the sentiment behind it was richer than that of a kiss between a boss and his comrade; it said how she worried about him and missed him. The moment her lips met his, he released a low moan that went straight to her core. Y/n slipped her hands around the nape of his neck and to his lapel; Varga placed his hand on her jaw and prodded at her lips with his tongue for her to let him in, which she did happily. She shifted her hips again, rocking slowly against his arousal. If it wasn’t for the close quarters and too many layers of clothes, she would have let begged him have his way with her.

Slowly, they released each other. Varga gently slid her next to him and opened that briefcase of his that she had burning questions about. In it, were two massive folders, one of which he pulled out and handed to her. It had a name on the front, “Elinor Hyler”

Y/n looked up from the folder to the man next to her, confusion riddling her lovely face.

“You.” Was all he said.

“Me.”

“Yes. Incase this rendezvous goes kaput, this is you. Sit tight in that cafe of yours until 3:30 this afternoon. If I’m not there…open this and take the plane ticket. But you must go. Do you understand, lutko moja?”

Her mouth fell open slightly and tears threatened to sting her eyes. She took a deep breath and nodded, “I do.”

“Good girl.” Varga whispered.

She gave him a smile and pressed one last kiss to his lips.

He took her chin gently, just to stare into those eyes he craved daily, possibly for the last time. “Now off you go.”

With that, the young woman slid across the seat and climbed out before she could stop herself and say no. Y/n leaned down, one hand on the door, “It’s been a pleasure, V.M.Varga.” She smiled melancholily.

“The pleasure was mine, Miss l/n.” He rasped in that heavy accent she loved.

With one last look, she shut the door and walked away. Her chest ached with the weight of possibly ever seeing any of them again. No closure. She thought not seeing Yuri was painful, but possibly not seeing Varga hurt the most. That devilish man clawed into her soul.

That cafe she loved felt cold. It was bustling and busy as people attempted to get a word in a conversation. The coffee she sipped at was as bland as water, regardless of its strength.

The hours ticked by; at first, one at a time, then they began to meld together. Every time the door opened, she turned her head to look, hoping against hope that it was Meemo or Varga. But as that half hour neared with each tick of the clock, she had to focus on her breathing and remind herself that he had prepared this file to take his place in caring for her. Y/n gripped the file, staring up at the clock on the far wall as it ticked to 3:28. She took in a deep breath, letting it fill her lungs to the point of pain, and held it; her head became dizzy. Then, she let it out slowly. As her lungs became empty, she opened her eyes.

3:30pm.

She felt her face turn stoic as her emotions left her. This was it. The young woman gently opened the file and poured over its contents, namely searching for the plane ticket.

There it sat, in the front sleeve. She stared down at it.

Washington, D.C.

She blinked.

Then she looked through the files, and stopped once she reached the last one. She froze.

I’m supposed to work…where?

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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[mochinek0]

Robin’s Nightingale (song-fic)

Robin ran across the rooftops of Gotham, keeping an eye out for trouble. He didn't expect to hear the whispers of a song catch his attention.

I can hold my breath

'Is someone in danger?'

I can bite my tongue

'Are they looking for a way out?'

I can stay awake for days

If that's what you want

Be your number one

'Are they being held captive?'

I can fake a smile

I can force a laugh

I can dance and play the part

If that's what you ask

Give you all I am

'Does the Joker have someone?'

Robin began to move faster to the voice that danced on the wind.

I can do it

I can do it

I can do it

But I'm only human

'Does a meta have this person?'

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

'This person sounds distraught.'

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human, yeah

Robin stopped at an apartment building. He noticed all the lights were off, but one.

I can turn it on

Be a good machine

I can hold the weight of worlds

If that's what you need

Be your everything

He noticed the song become more prominent. He used his grapplehook and swung over to the window with the bright light, landing on the fire escape.

I can do it

I can do it

I'll get through it

But I'm only human

He observed a girl ripping open moving boxes. When she got to the bowls and pans to put in the kitchen, she glared at them.

'Do they remind her of someone?'

And I bleed when I feel down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human, yeah

She threw all the pots and pan in the sink.

'She must not like that person.'

I'm only human

I'm only human

Just a little human

I can take so much

Until I've had enough

'Cause I'm only human

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human, yeah

Robin noticed the tear tracks on her cheeks. Her song may not have been a physical cry for help, but it seem like it had been one, nonetheless. He watched as the girl wiped her tears away. Their eyes locked as she turned to open another box. She left her boxes where they were and crossed the room to open her window.

The closer she got, the more he noticed the 'Wayne' look. The girl had bright bluebell expressive eyes and raven-blue hair.

"Was I disturbing someone?" she asked, taking a couple steps back.

'She's cautious.'

"Robin and no." Robin stated, "Your singing merely caught my attention."

"I apologize if I disturbed you from you duties." the girl spoke, bowing her head in apology.

'Reminds me of my time with Mother. The servants were very quick to apologize for something out of their control for fear of Mother or Ra's backlash.'

Robin took a look around the tiny apartment. There was a door off to the left which he assumed was the bathroom and a small kitchen off to the left. They seemed to be standing in her bedroom. It was a rather small studio and she seemed too young to be on her own. Father wouldn't have allowed him to live on his own at her age.

"Your parents won't mind a strange man in your room?" he questioned, "You seem too young to be on your own."

"I'm sixteen and have no one."

Robin took a good look at her: blue-black hair, blue eyes, a possible tragic backstory?

'Father must never meet her.'

"Are they-" he began to question.

"No." she shook her head, "They sent me to live in Gotham. They don’t care what happens to me."

Robin opened his mouth, but a light thud behind them drew their attention.

"Robin." Batman spoke.

"Batman." he replied back.

"Sorry! Am I keeping you?" she sputtered, "Forgive me!"

Robin watched as Batman took in their surroundings. He could sense the confusion and concern radiating off his father.

"No, you weren't." Robin stated as he walked towards the window.

"Bye, Robin." she whispered.

"I didn't catch you name….Little Nightingale." Robin smirked, turning back to face her.

He watched as her face flushed and could sense his father's gaze on him.

"Marinette." she stated.

"I'll listen out for your songs." he declared.

Marinette quickly turned away and rushed back to her unpacking.

Batman took off first with Robin at his heels. He looked back to his son, who shrugged and continued his nightly patrol.

BONUS:

"Tell us about your girlfriend." teased Jason, upon their arrival.

"She's no my girlfriend." Damian growled out, stomping away.

Bruce smiled as his sons took after their youngest brother.

"Stop!" Damian cried out, as they reached his room.

"Oh, come on, Little D." Dick whined.

"We're curious about your 'Little Nightingale'." teased Jason, making the others laugh.

"Enough!" Damian shouted, "I merely gave her a nickname so Father wouldn't adopt her!"

"Black hair?" asked Dick.

"Blue eyes?" questioned Jason.

"Tragic backstory?" voiced Tim.

"No parents?" Dick spoke up.

"All of the above." Damian stated, "Although that last one is questionable."

"Okay." Tim nodded, "Nice save."

"Completely understandable." growled Jason, who had hoped for dirt on his demonic younger brother.

Damian sighed and continued towards his room.

"Hey!" Dick cried, "Are you gonna see her again?"

"Maybe here and there." he spoke, "Just to keep Father at bay."

@animeweebgirl @a-star-with-a-human-name @animegirlweeb @icerosecrystal @meme991001 @rosiesimone819 @vixen-uchiha @abrx2002 @09shell-sea09 @marveldcedits20 @immafangirl @alysrose-starchild @loveswifi @saltymiraculer @fandom-trapped-03 @dood-space @moonlightstar64

[her-world-on-fire]

It Was All Yellow {Jason Todd x Reader}

MASTERLIST

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Word Count: 2,424

Request: Jason or Damain finding you, the happy girl, singing a sad song and crying while on patrol. If possible, do you think the song could be If I Could Ride a Bike by Chevy? Thanks, you're a godsend <3

A/N: Sorry if this wasn’t what you imagined, hope you like it anon!

I LISTENED to the sound of own heartbeat. It echoed loudly, and I looked over at Jason, fearing he would wake at any moment. He had fallen asleep almost as soon as we got to the apartment. I didn’t blame him, almost every night he was working himself to death. Crime rates increased with every new vigilante. The work never seemed to stop. No matter how much we tried it seemed like Gotham was the same as we left it the night before. I watched as his chest slowly rose then fell. His face was expressionless, his usual smirk was gone.

Jason was sore, I could tell by the way he moved he was in pain. He tried his best to hide it, but I noticed it. I noticed that he hot showers to try and ease the pain. The steam flowed from under the crack over the door, and found its home on the mirrors and walls. Every night before he went to sleep he would sneak into the kitchen and take ibuprofen. I could hear the pills rattling inside the bottles, and his hushed footsteps as he hurried back into his room.

This was the most peaceful I had seen him all week.

His head was resting on my lap. I pulled the blanket over him as gently as I could. It was only 8pm, he needed to sleep to recover. I didn’t have to worry about the boys waking him up. Jason had insisted on getting his own place. He knew I never felt quite at home in the manor, and let me stay with him.

I turned off the TV and leaned against the arm rest. I wanted to try and get some sleep too.

I woke up to the sound of Jason’s phone ringing. I looked around, and he wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen. My best guess was the shower. I grabbed his phone, it was Artemis. I bolted to the bathroom. “Jason!” 

I reached the bathroom door and he immediately swung it open. He looked over at me. “What? Are you alright?” I held up his phone.  He looked at the caller ID. “Oh shit.” He took his phone, and answered it, bringing it to his ear. “Hey.”

I looked at Jason, his hair was still soaking wet. The water dripped from his hair down to his neck, them his chest. He had his towel wrapped around his waist. I motioned I was going to go into the kitchen. And he nodded and closed the door. He spoke quietly. A few moments later I heard him move into the closet.

Artemis.

Artemis was a former teammate, and from the way Dick told it, they were more than that. I tried my best to push the negative thoughts out of my head. I started making breakfast when I heard a loud crash. “Jason?” I moved away from the kitchen and into the hallway. I heard rustling coming from inside his room. “Jason? Are you okay?” The door opened and Jason emerged with a duffel bag. “Have you seen my holster?” He didn’t look at me as he zipped up his duffel bag.

“It’s in the laundry room.” He moved past me and to the laundry room. He didn’t speak. He moved back and forth between the rooms collecting his things. “I paid this months rent. Alfred will continue the payments on my behalf just in case.” I blinked in shock. A month’s rent? Just in case?

“You’re leaving?” He stayed silent. He looked over the apartment, trying to make sure he didn’t miss anything. Finally he looked over at me. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He reached for the door and paused. He mumbled something under his breath. He turned back to me and pointed a finger.

“Don’t go out on patrol alone.” With that, he was gone.

------------------------------------------------------------

Dick had noticed a change in Y/N’s behavior. Normally, Y/N was the highlight of patrol. Constantly positive and bubbly, it made the night go much faster. But since Jason left, Y/N was quiet. No more humming, the laughter that had once illuminated the night was gone.

Not even Dick knew why Jason was gone. It was Jason didn’t want any backup, it was something he needed to do alone. He didn’t want to risk Y/N getting caught up in his mess. He was sending updates to Jason but he wasn’t sure that he was getting them. If Jason wanted to be alone, he knew exactly how to do it. He cut off all forms of communication and was consumed by the job. It had been 2 weeks and he was silent. No one knew where he was. No one knew if he was even alive. Roy informed Dick that Jason had stopped by for supplies. But he hadn’t heard anything since.

Whatever he was doing, he was sure to hide it. No news reports caught wind of his activities. For his sake, Dick hoped that Jason was on the right path. The last time Jason broke his promise to Bruce beat him until he was almost unrecognizable. Jason had even remarked he had never seen him hit the Joker as hard.

There was an insatiable anger in Bruce. He had trusted Jason to operate in Gotham under the condition he wouldn’t kill anyone. Then Jason went on national television and nearly killed Cobblepot, by shooting him point blank. The boys were at a loss, neither of them knew what to do. Bruce insisted on dealing with it himself. Jason only got away because Roy saved him. Dick wasn’t sure how they would stop Bruce this time.

-----------------------------------

Jason slung his duffel bag across his shoulder. He released a sigh as he stretched. He had been driving all night to get back as soon as possible. He had a lot of explaining to do. He had received all of Dick’s messages.

Let me know you’re alright.

Tim can’t track your location, just check in.

Jason we haven’t heard from you in 3 weeks.

Y/N’s not doing good.

He felt guilty for just leaving, but he had to. He knew that if he gave explanations then Dick would try and talk him out of it. It would give Tim more time to figure out how to track him. More importantly he knew if Y/N had asked, he would’ve stayed.

Jason entered the apartment. After being gone for so long it seemed almost foreign. There were a few noticeable changes. The curtains that were almost always drawn open to let in the sun were shut. More importantly it looked empty. Almost as if no one was inhabiting it.

There was no evidence of dirty dishes, no laundry, and everything was spotless. It was too clean for anyone to be living here. When he opened the fridge his suspicious were confirmed. There was no food. It was almost empty, apart from a case of water. He sighed, Dick was right. Things were not good. He looked around the apartment, trying to find any hint of where Y/N went.

The only thing missing, was a single outfit.

Y/N’s suit.

Jason decided to visit all the patrol spots he knew. Each one of them came up empty. Just as he was about to give up, he heard something. Jason stopped. He faintly heard a voice in the distance. It was barley audible, but he somehow caught it. He tried to find the source, he walked towards the stairs. It had to have been coming from the roof top. As he got closer, he heard an accompanying soft piano.

“If I could sail a boat I'd cruise across the sea. A sweet adventure for us two. I'll be Jack and you rose.”

The voice began to falter, there were so many emotions just begging to be released. Jason didn’t want to interrupt, in fear of the voice stopping. He didn’t walk completely up the stairs. He was mesmerized by the sound. He stayed at the bottom steps, as quietly as possible. It took him a while to process that he knew the voice.

It was Y/N. He had not ever heard Y/N sad. He continued listening as the voice grew louder. “Just please don't let me go. Cause I'll be nothing without you.” The desperation made Jason want to make his presence known. He wanted Y/N to know that he was there. He wanted to help, more than anything. He slowly walked up the stairs. “Oh when you call me, I'm drifting on clouds. Like I'm dream-ing.”

“But in the morn-ing, I'll wake up and see that you’re stuck here with me. If only you knew what I would do for you I'd jump up and hold you so tightly.”  With every verse, the voice grew softer. There was more sadness in each line. He listened carefully to the lines, trying to piece together the information. Each line made it apparent, unrequited love.

-

“But I will never be able to do these things, so I'm just left imagin-ing.”  As the song ended, I finally let all my emotions go. No one knew where Jason was and I was beginning to give up hope. I was sitting on the ledge of the rooftop. Police scanners were quiet. There were no distressed civilians. For once it seemed like Gotham was having a good night. Jason wasn’t here to see it. I moved to get up, in search of something. I had been trying to distract myself as much as possible with work. I couldn’t stand being inside the empty apartment anymore. For the first two weeks I stayed in hoping that one night Jason would come back and everything would be okay. But by the third week, it was evident he wouldn’t be back any time soon. When I did sleep, I stayed with Roy. We had been working together to try and track Jason but it appeared he had learned some new tricks.

I heard a creak come from behind me. I turned around immediately, but there was nothing there. I was about to venture down the stars when I heard something. “Hey.” I froze. That voice. I turned around and saw Jason. He was in his street clothes. He looked drained. There were a few small cuts and some bruising on his face. I moved closer to him, and let out a breath I had been holding in. I was relived he was okay, but I was angry at him for leaving.

“I didn’t know you were back. I didn’t even know if you were-“ I couldn’t bring myself to finish the sentence, but he knew. “I went to the apartment and it was empty. I noticed your suit was missing. I figured I would find you out here.” He moved closer and wiped the tears from my eyes. “How much did you hear?” I asked nervously. I was hoping he arrived after I had finished but by the look on his face it was apparent he didn’t.

“Almost all of it.”

“I don’t even know where to start.” He paused, “I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I just disappeared.” I nodded and thought back to each restless night. Not knowing was the worst part. “A long time ago, someone really bad got away. I lost his trail, but I’ve been keeping tabs on him. He resurfaced and I couldn’t let him get away again.” He put his arm around me, “But I won’t ever leave you like that again.” He placed a kiss on top of my head. Silent tears streamed down my face and I took in his warm embrace.

“Let’s go home. The boy’s have this covered.” I looked at him in shock. He had never called the apartment home. He always said that it was just somewhere he slept. He had never felt that it was home. “I thought the apartment wasn’t home?”

“It’s not home without you.”

We got back to the apartment and Jason reached for the door. He opened the door and I moved to turn on the lights. I stopped, the table was lit by candles. The floor was scattered with rose petals. It was nothing like how I left it. It felt comforting again. “I had Roy bring your things back.” He shut the door behind us. “It’s perfect.” I turned around and wrapped my arms around him. He ran his hands through my hair. “Come on,” He took my hand and led me to the bathroom. It was lit by a few candles. The bath was set with warm water. “I know you haven’t been here much and I thought you would appreciate it.”

“I’ll be in the bedroom, when you get out.” He placed my towel and some clothes on the sink and departed.

Once I got out I followed the petals into the bedroom. The bedroom was back to it was before. Jason had left a mess when he left, and I left a mess moving back and forth between Roy’s. Everything was neatly put away. Jason by now had changed out of his street clothes and into his sleep wear. He was laying down staring at the ceiling. Once I closed the door he looked over. “How was it?”

“I haven’t done that in a long time.” I moved to the bed and joined him. He opened his arms and I put my head on his chest. “Are you okay?” I looked up at him and examined his face. The darkness hid the severity pretty well. Now in the light, it looked worse. “You should see the other guy.” I shook my head and laughed a little. “Really, I’m okay. It’s not as bad as it looks.”

“Prove it.” He leaned over and kissed me. It was soft, and needy. After weeks, it finally seemed like it was going to be okay again. He pulled away and pulled me closer. He pulled the covers over me, and kissed my forehead again. “Get some sleep babe.”

“How are you?”

“Better, now.” He ran his thumb across my cheek, “I’m so sorry.”

And for the first time in weeks, I slept soundly.

MASTERLIST

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[rovelae]

Behind the Scenes of “Hologram”

           Today marks exactly one year since I posted arguably my most popular fic. “Hologram” is a postgame Saiouma one-shot about escapism, loneliness, and running away from the past. I put a lot of myself into this fic and I’m blown away by all the love it’s received, not only on AO3 but in Discord servers and other social media. All that excitement made me keep thinking about it, so I thought I’d share a (very self-indulgent) behind-the-scenes of sorts about how I wrote it, as well as what I think of the story.

           This essay will contain spoilers for the whole fic, so if you’d like to read it first, you can find it here. Of course, if the tags scare you off, that’s valid, but you might want to skip this post too since I’ll be quoting it throughout (so, just to be safe, expect the warnings I’ve posted on AO3 to apply here too).

           If you’re a Lorde fan you’ll recognize the lyrics in the fic summary – “Nothing’s wrong when nothing’s true,” from “Buzzcut Season.” The inspiration for this fic came to me while I was on my way to an early shift at work, and I needed a good song in my head to give me the will to live for the next eight hours. Not sure why I chose that song in particular, but maybe part of it is because I like imagining stories to go along with the songs I listen to, like AMVs playing in my head, and I’d never been able to pin down exactly what this song reminded me of.

           The mood of the music is really what compelled me – there’s something lonely about it, and the lyrics sound like the singer’s trying to convince herself that everything’s okay even when all evidence points otherwise. There are “explosions on TV”, and “The men up on the news / They try to tell us all that we will lose,” but “we live beside the pool / Where everything is good.” Despite everything going wrong, despite the notes of fear creeping into the pre-chorus, the character will “play along… in a hologram with you” and “never go home again.”

           From there, it was an easy jump to “postgame Saiou” and that was that.

             There’s a cloud of seagulls hovering in the air around him, and a dozen or so more standing just out of reach, staring him down with beady black eyes. Kokichi takes a slice of bread from the loaf he’s holding and tosses it to one of the birds, watches it catch it and stumble under the weight, watches its head bob as it tries to swallow the whole thing at once. It gets remarkably far before four other birds descend on it, shrieking wildly.

           “Mine, mine, mine,” he mumbles into his folded arms, wondering if Shuichi would get the reference.

           He really wishes Shuichi was here.

           Kokichi upends the rest of the loaf of bread onto the sidewalk and laughs at the resulting chaos until his chest aches.

             To start off, I wanted to create the same lonely mood from “Buzzcut Season” in Kokichi’s simulation. He’s not exactly trapped there, but he’s refusing to leave, because as long as he’s on the fake Jabberwock Island, he can pretend the killing game never happened. The trade-off to that escapism is that the only people he can talk to are the NPCs, who aren’t complex enough to be remotely interesting to him, and Usami, who… well, tries her best, but is more of an informational / moderation program and can’t offer him what a therapist could.

           The only thing Kokichi has to look forward to is Shuichi, who he’s convinced is an extremely lifelike computer program rather than the real thing, because the real Shuichi would definitely hate him for everything that happened during the killing game. He’s so locked into this line of logic that he doesn’t let himself consider that Shuichi has forgiven him – he doesn’t even have a good answer for why the Future Foundation wouldn’t just keep the supposed Shuichi AI on indefinitely, believing it’s their way of baiting him into leaving the simulation.

           It’s not a healthy or sustainable lifestyle in the slightest, but Kokichi stubbornly refuses to do anything but wander the islands aimlessly, passing the time with ice cream and feeding seagulls until the next time he can see Shuichi.

             He dreams that DICE is here in the simulation with him, smiling and carefree as they explore the weird music venue. One of them has gotten the karaoke machine working, and another found a box of kazoos and maracas in the back room. Kokichi already pities anyone unfortunate enough to walk by the building tonight.

           “Not going to sing, Joker?” one of his DICE asks (over the sound of their youngest member shrieking through seven kazoos at once), sitting on the bench next to him.

           “Some games are more fun to watch than play,” he answers, leaning back on his hands and sighing.

           “Like a killing game.”

           The warm dream-atmosphere turns cold then, and Kokichi’s head snaps over to look at him—but his brother is gone and Kaito’s looking back at him instead, blood in his teeth and face ashen pale.

           “You... we don’t have to do this, man,” Kaito says, but it’s a lie and they both know it, and he doesn’t want to look behind him because he knows the machine’s looming over him with its unyielding steel and slow slow slow descent—

           “You’re not real,” he snaps at dream-Kaito, who doesn’t respond except to lift him up again. “Nothing’s real, none of—PUT ME DOWN! LET GO OF ME! DON’T PUT ME BACK IN THERE!”

           “Death is more mercy than you deserve,” Kaito says, and Kokichi claws and bites and kicks his way out of Kaito’s grasp like a wild animal, only to end up in front of a prison cell full of—

           DICE, his beloved DICE, trapped and hurt and afraid, bloodied and beaten and helpless.

           “Why didn’t you save us, boss?” says his second-in-command, clutching the bars with bleeding hands. “Why didn’t you do more? Now we’re all dead and it’s because of you.”

             Moments like this are my reference to Buzzcut Season’s pre-chorus, where the not-okay starts to creep into the illusion. Despite Kokichi’s valiant efforts to forget, he’s still dealing with the aftermath of seeing his family hurt and in danger, watching his friends die, orchestrating the deaths of two of them, being killed himself— and then being told every bit of it was made up to entertain an audience who sees nothing wrong with that picture. Running away is not the way to heal from trauma, and one day soon it’s all bound to come crashing down around him.

             “Do you know what this … island paradise represents, Kokichi?” [Hinata] asks, and Kokichi’s really not in the mood for a lecture but he continues anyway. “Jabberwock Island … was the setting for the fiftieth season of Danganronpa. The golden anniversary, they called it. It was my season.”

           Kokichi hunches over, hugging his arms over his torso and stifiling a scream. He does not want to think about this right now—

           “They wanted it to be the best season of all, which, unfortunately for us, meant it was also the bloodiest,” Hinata says. “Twice as many participants, deadly traps hidden across each of the islands— they even changed the way the motives worked, like when they told Fuyuhiko to cut out his own eye so Peko could have a quick death instead of suffering for days.”

           “Do I look like your therapist, porcupine-head?” Kokichi hisses. A sharp pain is pounding into his skull, and there’s a bitter, metallic taste at the back of his throat. A taste like poison and blood.

           “There was so much going on that the simulation malfunctioned,” Hinata says. “When people died, their Ultimate talents downloaded themselves into me. I’m told that the stress of so many personality grafts came close to liquefying my frontal lobe. I’m lucky I woke up at all… especially considering more than half of the others didn’t.”

           “Why are you telling me this?” Kokichi grates out through the static building in his head. If he opens his eyes, will he see the beach or the dull chrome of the machine closing in on him?

           “Because I know how much you want to forget about what happened,” Hinata says. “Believe me, I get it.”

           ….

           “These things that happened to us… we can’t erase them, no matter how much we want to. Some things have to be remembered.”

             I’d mostly like to leave Hajime’s season up to interpretation, but there are a couple things I wanted to say about it. I imagine Danganronpa is like the Hunger Games in that it’d go all out for big anniversaries. So, there were twice as many participants for the Jabberwock Island beatdown that was probably subtitled “Bloodbath Bay” or something equally appealing. The game’s formula changed from a focus on the mystery and the trials to “look at all these kids massacring each other a la Lord of the Flies,” and since the VR system wasn’t equipped to handle that many people and their deaths, it malfunctioned, giving Hajime way too many Ultimate talents and putting half the cast into comas from which they never woke up.

           Viewers either absolutely loved or absolutely hated this season, depending on whether they were DR fans because of the “blood n’ guts” factor or the “mystery and psychological thriller” aspect. Team Danganronpa faced quite a bit of backlash for actually causing the real-life deaths of half its participants, but were able to weasel their way out of serious legal repercussions because of the waivers the participants had signed beforehand (plus a lot of bribery and falling back on their longstanding popularity). So, the cast of Season 50 failed to end the killing game, but helped provide great evidence for the “Danganronpa is morally wrong” argument.

           Hajime works as a victim liaison for the Future Foundation and has been trying to take down Danganronpa since he got out of it. He’s like that in a few of my fics, actually; I like the idea of Hajime acting as a big brother of sorts to the V3 cast. It’s especially entertaining to imagine his interactions with Kokichi— though maybe not so much in Hologram, since to Kokichi he’s a representation of the past he’s trying so desperately to forget and the future he refuses to acknowledge.

             “SHUT UP!” He launches himself at Hinata, his hands wrapping around the other man’s throat as he uses his momentum to slam him to the ground. “SHUT! UP!”

           “Ko— ghk—” Hinata coughs, eyes wide with surprise, but aside from moving his hands up to grip Kokichi’s wrists, he doesn’t seem all that worried about fighting back.

           The thought only fuels Kokichi’s rage until he’s choking Hinata so hard his knuckles are white. “If you want me out of this simulation so badly, you can kill me,” he snarls. “I’m never waking up! I’m never leaving, do you UNDERSTAND ME?”

           Hinata grimaces, the outline of his avatar flickering, but he still doesn’t struggle, and Kokichi hates him all the more for it, despises him with a seething malice that festers low in his stomach. He wonders distantly if he’d actually kill this man in real life. Or if he’d be able to stop himself, feeling like this.

             Kokichi’s breakdown here is more out of fear than anger. Like I mentioned, Kokichi sees Hajime as another piece of what’s hurt him, and no matter how Hajime tries to help, Kokichi will always remember Danganronpa whenever he sees him.

             Warm yellow-orange light casts a relaxed, cozy glow over the dining hall. It’s an ambience compounded by the flickering candles on the table, which seems overly idyllic, but Kokichi will let it slide because of the adorable way Shuichi flushed when he noticed them as they sat down. Well, if he’s being honest, everything about Shuichi right now is adorable, from the way his hair keeps falling into his eyes to the way he’s nervously fiddling wth his chopsticks. Kokichi wishes he could keep staring at him forever.

           Ah, not… not in a weird way, though, just… because Shuichi’s beautiful, and when Kokichi looks at him he can forget everything bad that’s ever happened, can create some new and brighter world to exist in.

             This is an idea I wish I’d had room to explore a bit more in the story— that is, just how far Kokichi will go to pretend everything’s fine. I thought about making him border on delusional, like having him talk to people who aren’t there or forget what’s actually happening around him because he’s so lost in his fiction-within-a-fiction. It would have creeped Shuichi out a whole lot.

           Unfortunately, there wasn’t much room for that past the plot I’d already nailed down, so I focused on his loneliness and escapism instead. I do touch on it later in this scene, though— the couple paragraphs where he slips into fantasizing about being a phantom thief having a surreptitious meeting with his detective under the not-so-subtle supervision of his DICE. There would have been a lot more of that if I’d gone with the ‘delusion’ stylistic choice, to the point where even the readers would be confused about what’s real. Maybe I’ll look into writing something similar in a future story.

             Eventually, Shuichi sets down his bowl and looks away with a little sigh, and Kokichi clenches his teeth because that’s the sigh he does when it’s time for that conversation.

           “Um… Kokichi?”

           Kokichi’s only response is to exhale the breath he’d been holding in a quiet hiss.

           “I-I know you don’t want to, but… but I really need to talk to you about something,” Shuichi says. “Please?”

           “My Mr. Detective can talk about whatever he’d like!” Kokichi says with a lilt to his tone that makes it sound more sarcastic than he wants it to. He takes the last bite of curry and wishes that it burns hot enough to hurt.

           “It’s about Kaito.”

             This more serious part of the date scene is meant to reflect the little bridge in “Buzzcut Season”:

“Cola with the burnt-out taste

I’m the one you tell your fears to

There’ll never be enough of us.”

           It’s a part of the song that sounds especially bittersweet to me, a bit of self-awareness between the insistence that everything’s okay.

           Really all I think I managed was to reference it when Kokichi’s internal dialogue comments on his drink being “so sweet it tastes burnt” and then later not tasting like anything. But hopefully the mood’s still there.

             “Tell him… that I have nothing against him,” he says.

           “That’s … not a lie?” Shuichi presses.

           Kokichi shakes his head idly, still not raising his gaze. “I wanted to wreck the killing game and he wanted to save his friend. We both got what we wanted. I’d say the end more than justifies the means.”

           Was that a lie?

           (I don’t want to die Shuichi I’m sorry I’m sorry save me Shuichi please I’m sorry ithurtsmakeitstop—)

           His fingers tighten into clawlike shapes, nails digging sharply into his forearms.

             I really don’t think Kokichi would have anything against Kaito, even if here he’s not being completely honest with how much he’s affected by what happened. It wouldn’t make sense to him to hate Kaito for something he himself proposed, but I think there’d still be a subconscious barrier between them. Too much history.

             “Don’t go, Shuichi, I’m so sorry, I— that was so dumb, what I said, please don’t be sad anymore.” He’s not sure if he can’t breathe because of the exertion of running or because of the hysteria boiling over in his head. “Please don’t go, I didn’t mean to hurt you— please don’t leave, Shuichi, I’m so sorry.”

           “Oh, Kokichi….” Shuichi’s tone is strange, soft and pitying, like he sees something Kokichi doesn’t, and he shakes his head slowly as more tears follow the paths of the others.

           Kokichi goes to his knees, ready to grovel if that’s what it takes, but Shuichi follows him down, closing his other hand over Kokichi’s, and then they’re both crying and he doesn’t know why, and all he can do is repeat a mantra of I’m sorry and hold on as tight as he can.

           It’s horrible. Shuichi’s horrible. Shuichi’s wonderful, and kind and lovely and perfect and Kokichi hates him, Kokichi adores him, and it doesn’t matter because Shuichi’s not actually here but Kokichi doesn’t want to be alone, just let me pretend some more, please, please let me have this—

           “I’ll… I’ll stay,” Shuichi says at last. “I can stay a while longer.”

           You shouldn’t, Kokichi wants to say, but his mouth won’t obey him. You shouldn’t stay if you don’t want to. I don’t deserve having you here. I’m not worth your mercy.

           But there on the bridge, crying tears of relief, he soaks up as much mercy as he can get and hopes it’s enough to drown him.

             I wanted to create a contrast between them that highlights just how the isolation and trauma Kokichi’s experiencing has affected him. He has an almost unhealthy reliance on Shuichi as “the only thing that makes this world bearable,” and panics when faced with the prospect of being alone again so soon. Part of why Shuichi’s crying is because he’s realized the extent of Kokichi’s desperation. It’s not that he thinks Kokichi’s apology is insincere, but that he’s hardly heard him apologize for anything before, so Kokichi going this far has him realizing how bad things really are.

             The door rumbles and slides open when they approach, revealing the bright light of the log-out point that took Shuichi away every time, that would wake Kokichi up in his real body if he walked into it. Shuichi stops just a step away from it, biting his lip as if searching for something to say, but before he can find it, Kokichi reaches out to tug at his sleeve.

           “Shuichi?” he says, distant as the waves on the beach that he can still hear if he listens closely enough. Shuichi turns back toward him. “Before you go, can I be selfish one more time?”

           “Huh…?”

           Shuichi doesn’t move when Kokichi steps closer, reaches up to ghost his fingertips over Shuichi’s jaw and around the back of his neck. He lets Kokichi tilt his head downward, lets him hover inches away, close enough to feel their breath mingle in the night air. Kokichi pauses there to give him the chance to pull away. He doesn’t.

           So Kokichi closes his eyes and the distance between them.

             That last line is a ZEUGMA! It’s a literary device where one word refers to two more in a different way. A popular example is the hyenas’ line “Our teeth and ambitions are bared” from The Lion King. It’s my favorite grammatical trick and I’d love to see more of it in fanfic.

             Slowly, he slides his hand down to Shuichi’s shoulder, using it as leverage to push himself away. That hurts even more. He can’t seem to open his eyes, and he feels so weakened, breathless, fragile. Cracked open, hollowed out.

           When he finally does open his eyes, Shuichi’s are wide with some mix of astonishment and a dozen other emotions. Kokichi bows his head, taking a deep breath to ground himself. “Sorry,” he whispers. “I just wanted to know.”

           “Kokichi,” Shuichi breathes, like a bullet through his heart.

           “Goodbye, Shuichi,” Kokichi says, and shoves him into the light.

           Shuichi’s little yelp of surprise cuts off abruptly as he falls through the door, vanishing into the glow, and all too soon, Kokichi’s alone again in a dream that suddenly seems far too vast. Alone, with the faintest taste of Shuichi’s lips still lingering on his own.

           And he thinks, It was enough just to know you.

           It’s a lie.

             Nothing to say here except that this is my favorite scene and I’m so happy with how it turned out.

             Fake sun rises over fake ocean, fake seagulls glide through fake sky while fake wind tousles fake palm fronds. Kokichi lies on his stomach in the fake grass and talks to his fake family in the fake notebook. Gives them fake names and runs through everything he remembers about them. Apologizes, over and over, wishes he could hug each of them goodbye one last time. Wonders if it would be more painful to die or to never have existed at all.

           He leaves the notebook of his memories on the seat of one of the Ferris wheel cars on the fourth island, because one time he promised them they’d steal the London Eye together.

           He buys a can of fake soda from the fake convenience store on the first island and sits on the fake beach watching the fake waves. Wonders when he’d hit the end of the simulation if he started swimming, or if he’d drown first.

           White sand, blue sea, bluer sky. Washed out, like an amateur watercolor painting.

           He opens the soda can and raises it to his mouth, but … even the thought of drinking it makes him sick to his stomach. He sets it down in the sand and flicks it over, watching the bubbly liquid run down and sink into the sand. The color’s all wrong, like blood streaked against a metal floor.

           He walks the fake streets of the fifth island, passing fake skyscrapers and fake commuters and their fake conversations, until he finally stops outside the factory he’s never been able to bring himself to go into. Smells like oil, and metal and machines and he can hear the sounds and he’s immediately back in the hangar, dizzy on adrenaline and desperation and leaning heavily on Kaito so he doesn’t keel over and die then and there. Kaito says something about how maybe he should sit down for a minute, and Kokichi didn’t agree back then but he does now, goes down on all fours and dry heaves.

           When his vision solidifies and he can stop gasping for breath, he sits up and presses his back against the factory wall, covering his ears and hiding his face in his knees. Tries to convince himself not to imagine Shuichi’s there with him, holding his hand again, promising everything’s going to be okay.

           “I’ve got you. No one’s going to hurt you anymore,” or maybe, “Breathe with me, it’ll be over soon. You’re safe now.”

           I love you.

           He laughs until there’s nothing left in his lungs. He called these little daydreams obsession, before, but now they just seem sick and insane.

             I wanted to indicate throughout this scene that Kokichi’s gotten substantially worse. Instead of halfheartedly interacting with the NPCs or finding something to spend time doing, he’s aimlessly wandering the islands, focused on how fake all of it is. Not even talking to his sketches of DICE can make him feel better. The suicidal ideation starts to slip in even if he doesn’t realize it— a fixation on wondering what death is like, purposefully triggering himself by walking by the factory….

           The thing I want to talk about most though is the italicized I love you. I left it outside of quotation marks and dialogue tags on purpose because I wanted it to be ambiguous as to who’s saying it. If it’s Kokichi’s line, it’s sudden and almost out of place, like he couldn’t hold back from thinking it anymore. But it could be Shuichi saying it, too. Since it’s outside quotation marks, unlike the previous dream-Shuichi lines, it’s more vague, almost a whisper in Kokichi’s thoughts— like he can barely bring himself to imagine it and even feels guilty doing so, because there’s no way it could possibly be real.

           Which do you think?

           Eh, I don’t have an answer. When I hear it in my head, they say it at the same time.

             “How did you know?” he finally croaks.

           Shuichi’s breathing still sounds shaky, too. “Because you said ‘goodbye,’” he says.

           Kokichi finally looks up at him in a silent question.

           “You never say goodbye,” Shuichi says, rubbing his sleeve over his eyes. “It’s always….”

           “‘See you later,’” Kokichi finishes for him. Despite himself, a tiny huff of astonished laughter escapes him. “I didn’t even know, not until a couple of hours ago. And you figured it all out from one word?”

           Shuichi bites his lip at that. “You kissed me,” he says.

           Kokichi’s stomach twists and he looks away. “I said I was sorry—”

           “No.” Shuichi squeezes his hand into a fist and lets it fall to thump against Kokichi’s chest, like he’s trying to knock some sense into him. “It was so honest, and vulnerable, and… and I know how much you hate showing how you really feel.” Another tiny sob catches in his throat. “And so it felt like … like something you’d do if you weren’t going to s-see me again.”

           “Shuichi….” Kokichi trails off as Shuichi muffles his cries in his hand again. He’s so breathtakingly smart. There’s no one else in the world who thinks that way, no one else who could possibly be that attentive and that clever. Not a programmer, not a team of shrinks… how can an AI manage it? How is it that Shuichi always manages to take him by surprise? How can he see straight through him when he least expects it?

           Kokichi’s hand reaches up to Shuichi’s cheek. Reverently traces the path of the tears falling down it.

           “I wish you were real,” he confesses in a whisper.

             Kokichi’s stubborn. So, so stubborn. And he’s not used to being cared about, if the way he does everything by himself is any indication. So it makes sense to me that he’ll refuse to believe anything good can happen to him even in the face of convincing evidence. He’s pretty self-hating for someone so arrogant.

             Kokichi’s weak, deep down to his core, weak for this man. Already knows he’d do anything for him, and the thought is terrifying—that one person could have that much power over him, even if he doesn’t realize it.

           But what if he has realized it? Couldn’t this all be an elaborate ruse, a lie he knew Kokichi would be so desperate to believe that he wouldn’t bother questioning it?

           …Shuichi’s never hurt him, though. Only that one time, when he really deserved it. Shuichi wouldn’t … betray him, even for what he thinks is Kokichi’s own good. They’re… different from each other, that way.

           But still….

           “I’m so scared, Shuichi.” It’s barely a whisper. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

           “You won’t be.” It’s so hard to be skeptical, lost in his eyes. “I’ll be right there with you, for as long as you want. I won’t let you feel like this anymore.”

           Promise me, he wants to blurt out. Promise you’ll stay. Promise me you’ll never leave me, Shuichi, he wants to demand, but that’s wrong, that’s manipulative and selfish and everything he doesn’t want to be for Shuichi anymore.

           Shuichi, of course, says it anyway.

           “I promise, Kokichi.”

…        

           “Kiss me again,” he says. “Please?”

           Shuichi leans in close, then pauses, his brow furrowing the way it does when he catches him in a lie.

           “I’ll kiss you again in the real world,” Shuichi says. “Okay?”

           Kokichi shakes his head. “Shuichi, please.” Please, I don’t think I can do this. Please, I don’t want to wake up to a lie. Please, one last kiss for me to remember in case it was all fake.

           Shuichi reaches out to tilt his chin up and Kokichi closes his eyes, savoring every second, burning it into his memory.

           Shuichi’s soft breath ghosts over his lips.

           “Trust me,” he murmurs.        

           Kokichi’s eyes flutter back open, searching his face. Shifting him around on the white board in his head, seeing what categories he fits into this time. Weird, of course. Suspicious, maybe not. Trustworthy?

           Trustworthy….

           “I do trust you,” he realizes.

             Kokichi’s still hesitant to accept all of this— Shuichi kissing him didn’t magically fix everything. He’ll still doubt all the way to the log-out point, but at least now he realizes that this simulation is only hurting him— that if things are to get better they’re going to have to change, too. He’s got a long way to go before he’s all right, but he’s not going to have to face it alone anymore.

             And that’s a wrap!

           Once again, I’m really proud of this story, and I feel like I grew as a writer because of it. There are a few things I would change if I wrote it again, but for all its flaws it’s still my baby and I like how it turned out.

           Thanks again for all your support for “Hologram,” and thanks even more if you actually waded through all this nonsense of a director’s cut. It’s a huge confidence-boost to think that people liked what I wrote, and even wanted to hear what I had to say about it. If there’s any interest, I’d love to review some of my other fics here, or theorize or brainstorm or whatever else  you’re into. (Ask me what Byakuya’s Thing is in my superhero AU, I dare you 😉)

           I do have a WIP in my folder of bits and pieces currently titled “boy finally gets that kiss”, and it’s a post-Hologram scene from Shuichi’s point of view to just sorta… tie it all together, have them talk things over again… and kiss, of course. We’ll see if anything comes out of that.

           Until next time!

[ficforce]

Death Part 2 HC

Leonard Burns

‘And when you told me what your favourite book was, I bought it and read it over and over… trying to find pieces of you in it.'

'Unknown’

- Burn’s knew something was wrong the second he saw Y/N waiting outside his office; their relationship was a secret to keep her safe. He invited her in like any other guest to see him and closed the door firmly behind them. Y/N burst into tears almost immediately and told him that she was dying. He was stunned and couldn’t speak at all.

- Unwilling to believe the news, Leonard accompanied her to better doctors and specialists, almost determined to prove the diagnosis wrong. After the third round of tests, he pulled Y/N close and held her tight - he promised he would stay by her side no matter what.

- Leonard Burns had prayed his whole life, every day without fail, but he had never once asked Sol for anything. He’d never prayed for health or strength, wealth or power - now he prayed that she would be spared, that she would be allowed to get better.

He had been able to protect her from physical harm all this time but now illness was ravishing her.

- As her body began to shut down and she was confined to bed, Leonard sat by her at all hours and ignored his duties… Though his Lieutenants were understanding of the situation.

- He read to her all of her favourite books.

The man carefully sat on her bed, moving her to rest against his chest so that she could feel the rumble of his chest whilst he spoke. He was so warm that Y/N always found sleeping easily.

Burns felt the moment her last breath left her but he continued to read to her, pretending for a moment that she had fallen asleep and refusing to believe otherwise until he had finished the book.

- Y/N’s funeral was held at the small Abbey in the countryside; the same place they were secretly married. He could still remember how pretty the crown of flowers the little Sisters had made for her was, bright happy flowers that complimented her eyes.

The flowers on top of the coffin were bright too… He just couldn’t see it with how dull the world was now.

- That night he didn’t pray

- Burns never showed his heartbreak to his Lieutenants and nor did he confide in anyone about the constant ache in his heart.

- One day he would be reunited with Y/N - until then he would miss her.

Sagamiya Konro

‘I am too tired and I miss you too much'

'Simone de Beauvoir’

- Konro never got a real chance to say goodbye.

- He didn’t get to hold her in his arms and tell her everything he thought she should know, it wasn’t a peaceful teary goodbye.

- She had kissed him before leaving the Guardhouse and reminded him that his bento was packed and ready. He hadn’t thought much of it, smiling at her and promising to see her at dinner. Konro knew she would be busy most of the day and he hoped she wouldn’t overdo it.

When the alarm sounded to mark an Infernal attack Konro had run out to start organising evacuations but found Benimaru frozen in the middle of the street. He hadn’t lit his matoi and the Captain looked helplessly as the poor soul who had combusted, ‘It’s Y/N… she… Konro, she’s…’

Konro didn’t want to believe it and the burning creature screaming in front of him couldn’t be his Y/N.

- Benimaru steeled himself as they watched Y/N scream and struggle not to lash out - seemingly unwilling to hurt anyone who might get too close. She was in pain and there was no way of saving her. A hand landed on his shoulder and Konro moved toward her, calling out her name and telling her it was okay.

The man didn’t make her suffer longer than she had to and as Y/N turned to ash he thought he heard her voice…

- His shoulders were bleeding through his clothes and he felt his legs go weak as the tephrosis burned inside him - nothing compared to the agony his heart was in. Konro refused treatment and retired to his room.

- He retreated into himself almost completely, barely noticing when the twins came to see him, they sobbed into his chest and told him that they missed her - that it wasn’t fair.

Benimaru got on his knees and bowed as far as the floor would allow him, he apologised until Konro grabbed him by the collar and shook him, the Lieutenant shouting that it wasn’t Benimaru’s fault before allowing himself to finally sob.

- No one had been able to celebrate her life the way they would usually and to make up for it they threw a festival in her memory; the fireworks were seen throughout the Tokyo Empire.

Konro sat in what had been their favourite place to watch fireworks and poured two cups of sake.

- He had always thought his disease would end up slowly killing him, instead, it was the wound dealt to his heart that would do it.

Joker/52

‘I promise I shall never give up, and that I’ll die yelling and laughing.'

'Jack Kerouac’

- Joker didn’t understand what they were telling him; Y/N had looked unwell for a little while and he had told them time and time again to take it easy. Now they were telling him they were dying? It had to be a bad joke, a prank… something other than what was being said.

- He had been an assassin and Joker knew that people died all the time, sometimes he was the reason they died. The man had never watched someone die so slowly before and never someone he loved with all his heart.

It had taken him so long to trust someone so completely and to let himself fall in love - now he had to lose them?

- The one thing he didn’t want was for Y/N to be sad and suffer, so he tried to make them laugh every day. Joker brought them their favourite food, he brought them gifts and let made sure they were well cared for.

There were some days that Y/N couldn’t breathe properly and they cried out in pain until Joker could get their medicine to dull the pain. Those days were hard but Joker refused to be sad in front of them.

- Y/N asked him to sing for them, the long-haired man was usually humming or making up little songs and Y/N had always found his voice soothing, ‘Sing me a song about us?’

Joker spent hours making up songs, ditties and tunes, they laughed about the old times and when Y/N began to cry and tell him that they weren’t ready to go, that they were scared - Joker held them tight and weaved a lie about how beautiful and peaceful the other side was.

He didn’t want them to be scared of Demons and fire of a barren wasteland.

- Licht found Joker cradling Y/N’s body; he didn’t know how long they had been there but Y/N was cold and Joker kept on humming their made-up songs.

- Joker behaved as he always had, he refused to attend the small funeral and grinned and laughed as he had always done. It was months after Y/N’s death that Benimaru witnessed the man talking to himself, asking questions and cracking jokes with someone that wasn’t there.

‘Sorry for your loss’

‘What loss?’ Joker had seemed confused and then gone back to humming, ‘Come on, Mr Strongest, I gotta get home before Y/N gets mad at me’

- It wasn’t healthy but it kept that small string of sanity he had left intact.

[yyxgin]

skeletons & ramen 🎃 

-> pairing: lee minho x reader

-> genre: fluff, halloween au, college au

-> words: 3k (prologue included)

-> happy halloween folks !! this is a part of the @districtninewriters​ halloween collaboration !! check out the prologue and other amazing artists who also participated <3

-> warnings: mentions of alcohol and drinking, swearing and i think that is it :’) 

“No effin’ way did I spend all this time doing your makeup for you to stay at this party for ten minutes. Get your ass out there and at least talk to someone.”

BamBam’s words replayed in your head as you glanced around the party. It was impressive; you’d give him that. Your best friend was known for the ragers he threw, and his annual Halloween party was no exception. With loud music, expensive decorations ranging from a 12-foot-skeleton on the lawn to fog machines, and costumes required – “and none of that ‘just throwing on a witch’s hat’ either, that shit’s weak” – it won party of the year before it even occurred. 

And you didn’t want to come. It wasn’t that you didn’t like his parties. On the contrary, you really enjoyed them. But this year, the party was on Halloween night, which just so happened to be a Saturday. Your first midterm of the semester? Bright and early Monday morning at 8 a.m. sharp. 

“You have to come!” BamBam had said when you first mentioned skipping the party. You could already tell he was dangerously close to pulling out his puppy-dog eyes, as you called them, and if he did that, you were a goner.

You sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want to, Bam. It’s just that my first midterm is super early Monday morning, and I really, really need to study for it,” you said.

“So study on Sunday!” he argued. “You know I can’t have a party without my best friend there. Not to mention, I’ve already put so much thought into how I would do your makeup for your skeleton costume. Don’t make me have done research in vain. Please?”

That’s how you had ended up at the party. Your plan had initially been to stay for half an hour, but when you went to tell BamBam, he wasn’t having it. That’s when he had dropped the line about how much effort he had put into your makeup, shoving you out of the kitchen and into the lounge. 

As you looked around the room, you figured it wouldn’t kill you to talk to someone for a few minutes. But who?

You see a drunk guy from your literature class, Changbin, and his friend that has attended the party in a horse mask for the third year in a row, Jisung, in the corner of the spacious room. You know what, maybe they are not the best people to talk to at this college party.

Your classmate Lia and her friends that dressed up as power rangers are sitting on the sofa with a senior very well known as the friendly guy Chan dressed up as a cowboy, downing shots of tequila and singing loudly at the top of their lungs. You contemplate the choice for a moment, but decide against it when they turn to sing Into the unknown for the thirtieth time tonight, scrunching up your face in pure horror. 

Another choice are the party animals Hyunjin and Felix dressed up as peanut butter and jelly, dancing to whatever song comes out of the loud speakers. Yeah, you could never keep up with them.

The last few people in your sight are in a circle, laughing loudly, bottles of beer, soju and various other alcohol secured in their hands. You see your classmates Jeongin and Seungmin in there, but you don’t know any other people there, so you decide to just let them be.

Maybe you have no other choice, then to leave.

“Yah! We’re matching!” you hear a voice from beside you call, looking at the person and frowning in confusion. What on the earth is he talking about?

But then it hits you. The guy has skeleton makeup on his face, an all-black outfit fitting his body and a huge, obnoxious grin on his face. You really are matching, well, apart from the optimistic expression on his face very much different from yours, on the other hand, disgusted from the whole situation.

“Oh. You’re right. My friend BamBam actually did the makeup, so it’s not really my fault, though.” you smirk, watching the boy growing closer to you and inspecting the makeup on your face.

“Looks like him and Han Jisung watched the same youtube tutorial,” he mutters, making you burst out in laughter.

“Jisung? You mean to tell me that the guy who attends in a horse mask every year did your makeup today?” you ask in disbelief, rewarded by his adorable giggle.

“Yeah, well, I told him I wasn’t going to the party, because I didn’t have a costume, so he told me he was just going to turn me into a skeleton to force me to go with him.” he explains. 

“Looks like he did a much better job than BamBam did, anyway,” you point out, examining the work on his face. At this point, you’re going to go to Jisung to do your makeup for your cousin’s wedding you’re attending next month, because his skills are really good, to be honest.

“I appreciate the rhinestones on yours, though. A pretty detail,” he laughs, making you roll your eyes. 

“Yeah, BamBam likes finishing touches.” you smile.

You’re kind of getting flustered under his gaze, so you quickly turn to look to the ground in response. The fact that you didn’t even drink tonight wasn’t helping you get loose a tiny bit, your shy side showing right after there was a silence in the conversation.

“Wait, you’re telling me you’re friends with BamBam and we somehow still don’t know each other?” asks the friendly stranger, making you look up at his face again.

“Umm, yeah.” you nod.

“And you know Jisung as well.” he points out.

“Yeah, well, everybody knows Jisung, so…” you say.

“Yeah, but we have so many mutual friends, yet we still don’t know each other… that’s strange. Well, anyways, I’m Minho.” he smiles, putting a hand to you to shake it. 

“Nice to meet you, Minho. I’m y/n.” you smile at him and take his hand to shake it. His grip is firm, but not painful, the presence of his skin on yours making you slightly excited.

You were never that good with meeting new people, so to have a stranger introduce themselves to you unprohibited, it felt good. Well, maybe BamBam was right about going to the party. Maybe you’ll even have a new friend after this, and god knows you need some new friends, because you’re certain hanging out with BamBam constantly kind of makes some of your brain cells disappear.

“Wanna get something to drink?” smiles the skeleton boy, on which you nod and follow him back to the kitchen where you’ve come from, seeing that it was now pretty much empty apart from the couple wearing matching costumes of Joker and Harley Quinn making out on the kitchen counter. 

You take a bottle of peach soju and see Minho do the same, cringing at the smacking noises and quickly pulling you away from the kitchen by the elbow, rolling his eyes in the process. “Can’t they just leave it for when they come home?” 

“I’m so sorry for BamBam, I swear if he has to clean the kitchen counter from sperm again this year, he’s going to seriously lose it-”

"Again?"

“Yeah, people get real wild out here.” you nod and try to erase the flashbacks coming back into your head from seeing your terrified and disgusted best friend cleaning the place with kitchen towels and some Clorox.

“Ew. See? This is why I didn’t even want to come in the first place.” says Minho with a disgusted expression on his face.

“You too?”

“Yeah, I hate parties!” exclaims the boy, throwing his arms in the air to gesture to the packed lounge.

“I know, right? I was actually supposed to be studying at the moment, but BamBam insisted on me coming, so I kinda had to, you know.” you blurb out, taking a sip from the soju in your hand.

“Studying. On a Saturday evening.” he gazes onto you, making you feel kind of stupid for sounding like the biggest nerd in the world. Yeah, you cared about your grades, but you weren’t as crazy as it sounded in the first place.

“Yeah, well, I have a midterm on Monday, so-”

“Oh. I got you.” he nods, licking his lips and taking his first sip of the peach alcohol in his hand, making you just awkwardly stare at his face in the process.

“Well, y/n,” starts Minho as he finishes drinking, “not to sound creepy or something, but do you wanna get out of here? Since we both kind of hate parties and our best friends got what they wanted…” he says, almost looking nervous at his question, making you just shyly nod.

“Yeah, sure.” you agree. You’re pretty sure BamBam won’t notice if you leave now, and if he does, well, you spoke to someone. That means you did what he wanted you to do. He can’t be mad now.

“Okay. I’ll be taking this with me.” laughs Minho as he shows you the half-empty bottle of soju in his hand, making you giggle as you show him yours and nod in response, telling him you’ll be doing the same as the two of you go to the front door. You were wearing your black coat through the whole evening and from the looks of his black leather jacket, it looked like he was too, so there was no reason for the two of you to stay at the party longer and look for your things.

“Let’s go!” you muse, going out of the house with Minho by your side, the chilly breeze and silence hitting you in the face in a weird, but comforting way.

“And where are we even going?” asks Minho, making you stop in your tracks and giggle.

“I don’t know.” you shrug, watching his amused smirk only grow wider.

“Let’s just… walk around for a while, I guess?” you say, receiving a nod from him in return as you start walking side by side in the neighbourhood. 

You both keep talking to each other and getting to know each other, learning that Minho is studying dance and not business like most of your mutual friends, and you, do, which is probably why you’d never met before. You manage to make him show you some of his dance moves, both of you slightly tipsy now, giggling at his silly dance in the middle of the street. It was easy, talking to Minho.

“Let’s go trick or treating!” he cheers, making you laugh.

“We’re 21, Minho, nobody will give us any treats.” you say, refusing to get yourself through that kind of embarrassing dumbassery on this wonderful Saturday evening.

“Nobody can see we’re too old for it through this makeup,” pouts Minho, making you laugh even harder. You’re not even sure if it’s the alcohol in your veins that makes everything he says and does so funny to you, but you just know his presence makes you giggle quite a lot.

“They can definetly see, Minho, they’re not dumb.” you say, patting him on his shoulder.

“Hmm,” he pouts, but only for a minute before he manages to change the topic with a sudden information, “I’m in a mood for some ramen.”

“Yeah, same. I haven’t had ramen in so long, dude,” you muse, your mouth already full of saliva only at the thought of the food coming in your sight.

“Let’s have ramen, then,” shrugs Minho and paces quickly in a different direction.

“Yah, where are you going?”

“To the supermarket for some ramen! And then, we’re going to my place and we’re going to eat some ramen.” he explains, not even letting you a moment to disagree with his statement as you jog to catch up with him. Perhaps he notices your alarmed expression on your face, making him quickly reassure you and your noisy thoughts.

“Don’t worry, y/n, I’m not gonna kill you. You can come over, I swear.” he says, but after he sees you still biting on your lower lip in nerves, he stops in his tracks and gazes into your eyes to comfort you.

“Really. You can trust me. We even have mutual friends, remember?” his expression is soft, dreamy, almost, making you instantly relax and nod.

“Okay.” you say, clearly missing what stranger danger means, but you feel like you can trust Minho. Right?

“Okay. Let’s go.” he nods, cheeringly going in the direction of the supermarket again, with you by his side, singing a popular song under his breath in the process.

After an enormous amount of laughter and one argument over which ramen you two should buy, you two finally reach the cashier that looked rather uninterested until she saw you, smiling and giggling under her breath. You place the two packs of ramen onto the counter, waiting for the girl to check you up and give you your delicious food into your hands.

“What a lovely couple you two are.” she smiles at the two of you after reaching out her hands in front of you with the ramen in her hold.

“We are not a couple, actually…” you mumble, feeling quite shy at her comment.

“Oh, but the matching costume…”

“That was a coincidence, really,” you laugh awkwardly, wanting to be finally on your way to Minho’s apartment, when Minho smirks behind you.

“We’re not a couple yet, but you know, perhaps this was all destiny,” he jokes, making you turn around and playfully elbow him in the ribs, a joyful giggle followed by your skeleton companion.

“I’m just joking, chill,” he says, thanking the cashier and taking the ramen into his hands, escaping the supermarket and leading you into his apartment. 

The journey there is comfortable, but the atmosphere quickly changes as you reach his place, taking off your shoes to not dirty his, surprisingly, clean apartment, taking off your jacket and looking at Minho standing in the doorway and watching you. “Well, here we are. Welcome.”

“Thanks.” you shyly respond, not really knowing what to do at this point.

“Come on in, don’t just stand there,” scoffs Minho, leading you into the kitchen to cook the ramen with you right after him, watching your every step and looking around in the dark apartment, silently appreciating his choice of interior design. 

“Meow!” you hear from the dark room, making you jump.

“Wow!” you jolt out, making Minho turn around to laugh at your shocked face, dropping the packs of ramen to the table and picking up his cat from under it to show it to you.

“Yeah, I kinda forgot to tell you… I have three cats, this is Soonie. Say hello, Soonie,” smiles Minho and takes the cat’s pow into his hand to make it wave to you, finally calming down your racing heart.

“Oh my god, that scared me.” you giggle, petting the cat’s head. “She’s adorable.” you mumble.

“I know, right? You should see your face,” giggles Minho, “and this is Doongie and Dori.” he says pointing at the two cats that were, very much not to your knowledge, following you to the kitchen. You shyly wave at them and mumble a quiet “Hi” to the creatures, watching them take their respectful seats under the table again.

The conversation flows freely right after, the slight scare that Minho’s cats brought you making the atmosphere much less awkward, seating yourself at his kitchen table and watching him take his role in the kitchen and cooking the ramen you’ve just bought, appreciating the way he moves through the room and still manages to keep you entertained in the conversation.

“Here you go.” smiles Minho as he places the plate with the finished food on the table in front of you, a proud grin plastered on his skeleton face. 

“Thanks!” you muse, diving right in to the steaming food, slurping and enjoying every single bite of it. You know ramen is not exactly that hard to prepare, but damn did it taste amazing in the late hours of the night, hitting every nerve. 

“It tastes so fucking good.” you mumble, your mouth still full of noodles.

“Chef Lee right at your service,” bows Minho, making you giggle.

In the process of eating, though, you feel a rhinestone fall off your face on the table. You frown, examining it, making another one fall down, realising that it was the steam from the ramen that made the eyelash glue BamBam put on your face dissolve and ruin your beautiful makeup.

“Wanna take it off? It’s late and it’s coming off by itself, anyway,”  he asks, making you nod without a hesitation, following him into the bathroom without even washing the dishes.

Minho takes some moisturizer and a tissue from his cupboard, making you silently curse yourself for not taking makeup wipes with you and having to turn to this poor alternative, seeing how he carefully applies the cream to the fabric and moves it to your face. 

“Can I?” he asks, suddenly, taking you by surprise.

“I mean… sure?”

You take a seat on the bathroom sink, watching his every move as he stands close to you and starts taking your makeup off. The action is quite relaxing as you close your eyes and let him carefully do his work, wondering how you even ended up in here. The moment feels intimate, yet you’ve only known Minho for a few hours, but you feel strangely safe in his presence as he takes care of you. You yawn a little after a few minutes, suddenly sleepy from the relaxing motions of his hand.

“Tired?” he muses, his voice low in the quiet.

You only hum in return, opening your eyes once he’s finished, finding him gazing at you with an unexplainable expression on his face.

“What?”

“Nothing.” he shakes his head and moves further away from your body, “I’ll take mine off and then I can walk you home if you’re feeling sleepy.” he says, making you nod.

Yeah, you feel kind of sad that your night with your new friend is coming to an end, but you can’t stay with him until the morning, right? And it’s getting quite late, anyway. Besides, something inside of you is telling you that this is not the last time you’re meeting the guy you’ve accidentally matched with on BamBam’s halloween party.

So you opt to wait for him in his living room, sitting at the comfortable blue sofa, surrounded by his three cats that take their seats close to you.

You don’t even know when you fall asleep when a handsome face wakes you up from your slumber, whispering into your ear as he gently picks you up from the sofa.

“I’ll let you sleep in my bed tonight. You don’t have to worry, I’ll take the couch.” he smiles when he sees your eyes open and gaze onto his face.

His features look mesmerizing, eye catching, even, without the heavy makeup that managed to hide them quite well. It was hard to make up his face behind the makeup, but when you fianally see it for the first time, you can’t help but find him really pretty. You feel kind of silly for thinking the thought and mentally slap yourself when doing so, but you just can’t stop thinking about how you find him just so beautiful. Maybe it’s the sleep taking over you, who knows?

“Sweet dreams, y/n. I’ll walk you home tomorrow, then.” he whispers into your ear, smiling at you when he drops you onto his bed.

“Sweet dreams, Minho.”

Yeah, it’s silly. 

But you definitely fell asleep that night with your new friend on your mind.

Perhaps the matching costumes really were a destiny.