#but im happy with thinking about each one of their motivations... makes me crazy

[choccy-milky]

A few months back, I asked if it was okay to write using Clora and Seb. Finished the work - thought I'd lost it on my hard drive and a virus scan located it.

Not sure if it's sad or happy, but the basic premise of it is Clora getting frustrated/upset at Sebastian and Sebastian comforting her, Sebastian getting upset at a predicament Clora's in and Clora comforting him, and them both getting frustrated/upset and having to comfort each other.

If you'd rather I didn't post it, that's fine too, but just wanted to test the waters and double check that you'd be okay with it if I gifted it to you via AO3, or see if you wanted a sneak peak of it before posting it.

OMG im so happy you were able to find it and recover the work you did!!😭🙏 AND YES OF COURSE YOU CAN POST IT AAA I CANT WAIT TO READ IT!! you can DM it to me first if you want, but i also dont mind if you post it straight away on ao3!! IM LOOKING FORWARD TO IT SM AAARGHHHA💖💖💖IT SOUNDS ANGSTY WE LOVE THE HURT/COMFORT I HOPE MY HEART CAN HANDLE IT🥺💖💖TY AGAIN FOR USING CLORA AND SEB AND TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT THEM😭

@sunshine-goblin AAA THANK YOU!!! im honoured its your fav fanfic AND ALSO THE LONGEST YOUVE READ BAHAHAA fr, when you say its as long as four books in lotr it rly makes me realize how insane i am😃👍 aw IM GLAD I COULD INSPIRE YOU TO DRAW MORE AND WRITE AS WELL😭 I was curious so i creeped you and everyone go look at their HL blog @sunshines-legacy your MC is so cute and so is your art🥹💖 as for tips on writing a longfic and brainstorming and motivation and stuff, my motivation was my brainrot and unhappiness with the canon story/ending LMAOO, and looking at the story of the game and playing around with what i was unhappy with/what i WISHED could have happened instead, was a lot easier than just coming up with plotlines from scratch. but something i highly recommend is just OUTLINING and making a timeline, one of my fav parts of writing was just putting on some cafe ambience in the background and doing stream of conscious type word documents where id just barf ideas and then worry about making it pretty later....like look at how many versions of the same chapter i have BAHAHA or like different renditions bc i couldnt decide if id wanna keep a scene/what order, so id make a timeline and keep smoothing things out until i was happy with it and whatnot

brainstorming is defs my fav part of the process and the most helpful part to me. just getting a blank document and writing stuff you want to happen without worrying about how it connects to the story, and then a lot of the times as i was doing that id just keep going and it would kinda tie itself together/id come up with a solution as i was writing / once the ideas kept flowing. so basically : TIMELINES AND OUTLINES I VERY MUCH RECOMMEND, but very low pressure and barebones ones. for example, this is what my outlines/brainstorming look like

its honestly just me talking to myself LMAO, and a lot of the time ill interject and be like "OH YEAH AND THEN THIS CAN HAPPEN" as the ideas come while im writing BAHAHA. its a super fun process and honestly nothing feels better than just getting hit with that flash of inspo, and since its all very low effort theres no pressure to actually write well and its just a chill fun time AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR OWN PROCESS / WRITING💖💖💖it can be difficult but HOPE U HAVE FUN TOO💖💖

@a-little-lysdexic WAIT REALLY?? LMFAOO OMG THATS CRAZY....SAME BRAIN...🤝🤝...that would trip me up so much if i were you omg BAHHAHA but aside from having similar tastes in names, IM GLAD YOU LIKE MY ART AS WELL, TYY💖💖💖

THANK YOUUU im glad you're liking it!!! and that its taking over your life BAHAHA💖💖 the video you're thinking of was by @silverxstardust for chapter 13 of my fic, and you can watch the video here! (AND TY AGAIN TO SILVERXSTARDUST FOR DOING THIS!)

[caraphernellie]

wip !! here's a moodboard <3

fake happy // e.w.

ellie williams is a freak, and that's just a fact. others deemed that she is not to be trusted from the moment she was born. in a world where everything is real and raw, it's hard to lie. but ellie doesn't quite fit into the category of 'real and raw.'

everybody's moods are displayed above their heads like little emoticons - there's no fake, there's no lies, there's simply emotion. except for ellie. nobody could figure out why ellie's feelings were not displayed. she'd been seen by every doctor, every specialist, every psychiatrist, and psychologist, and none of them knew what could cause this. and so an assumption was made that she doesn't feel anything.

nobody knows how she feels at any given moment, and in a world where people are spoiled with honesty, nobody wants to believe ellie isn't dishonest. nobody wants to be played by her.

somehow surviving life up to college without ever even having a friend, ellie's accepted that she's in for a lonely life. the only person she has is joel, and well, even he can be misunderstanding at times.

and ellie's sure her professor must hate her, because he partnered her for a project with the one girl who is always happy, without fail. the girl whose mood above her head is always, always, always a yellow smiley face. ellie would even say she's jealous, that she hates you, but she can't help but feel herself smiling whenever you're around. you're like a ray of sunshine. if sunshine knew how to lie.

ok ok ok so. i feel a little bit crazy and like nobody is going to like this fic but i kind of want to write it. this is just me posting to see if anyone actually would read it 😭 not like that would motivate/demotivate me but idk. im curious paramore inspired fics first of all, the best ones. secondly, i feel like maybe years ago i read a fic with a similar premise which inspired this but it's also mainly inspired by the music video for fake happy by paramore. and also, i always write fics about reader having the 'i can fix her' mentality for ellie so this time it's ellie saying 'i can fix her' about reader. this one would be for my fellow sad/anxious girlies who love big hurt/comfort vibes. it would be an angsty ride but not without lots of comfort :D two people who are very sad falling in love and helping each other with their issues? i think yes. this fic would be very? angst and hurt/comfort and some fluff idk if there'd be smut ... anyway this was more a way for me to brainstorm for the idea (by making the moodboard and blurb) i have yet to do literally any plotting or writing for it..

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸 i stand with palestine, and for that reason, i require everyone on my blog to keep themselves educated and participating in the fight for palestine's freedom. here are some links to educate yourself- 1, 2, 3. the last of us part 2 in particular is a game with zionist background. do not support neil druckmann by buying any of the games and please continue to engage in your media with critical analysis!! stay educated. !!! i urge you to participate in the global strike for palestine from february 18th - 25th !!!

[ilovechubbieguys]

hiii omg just found your account, so happy to see more tgc fanfiction ((ive read every single one of them at this point 😭)) soo could i request some nick/yumi fluff or smut? thank yououou 🦭

Omg same man i made this because i read them all so i might as well make my own lmao! Very happy to do one for yumi and nick!! (First smut sorry if its a little off lol) 🦭

Nick & yumi fluff/smut hcn!

-smut and fluff for each, gn! Reader. Use of f! Body parts. White=fluff red=smut

-----------------------♧♤------------------------

Nick

♧- love language is definitely quality time ex: just sitting and watching tv or going to the mall

♧- baby, love, and babe user for sure

♧- loves loves loves to hold your hand and in the car when he drives (which is almost always) he always has a hand on your thigh

♧- so sweet and caring. Very good listener and always listens to you rant about your day or any thing that ever slightly upset you

♧- if your a hyoer person he keeps you from doing dumb crap that youll regret later

♧- if your a calm person theres alot of cuddling he always wants to be big spoon

♧- about 5 months into your relationship he made a song for you and it was the cutest thing ever

♧- i feel like if your on a late night drive with him on an empty road he likes to speed just for the fun of it

♧- rolls down the windows and lets you stick your hand out while he speeds down an empty highway

----------------

♧- 6in and gurthy

♧- totally a service dom "i know baby" "your taking me so good baby"

♧- some days its slow "i missed you so much" thrusts with kisses all over your body

♧- other days its fast and rough "ive needed this all day" thrusts with hickeys and bite marks all over

♧- hes normally pretty soft and slow but if you decide to be a tease that day hes now holding back "fuck.. you just couldnt fuckin..wait could you..huh?"

♧- doggy style because he loves to see you bent over for him

♧- and missionary because he loves to be able to see your face and have access to every inch of you

♧- he secretly loves when you sneak under his desk while hes playing siege or cod and help him out

♧- " yumi i got a guy on m-me.." "you good man?" "Ya im good sorry i think i gonna get off i dont feel the best" "alr man get better"

♧- prepare to not be able to walk for alteast 2 weeks for that

---------------------------------------------------

Yumi

♤- late night smoke sessions are a common thing. You guys just talk about everything and anything or you enjog echother presence in silence

♤- Dance was made about you 😧

♤- babe kinda guy change my mind, baby when hes tired or comforting you

♤- loves sleeping in with you, when you try and either get up or get him up he pulls you back in "5 more minutes.."

♤- 5 minutes normally turms into atleast another hour

♤- convinced you to join LTLVC to motivate him to stay in or incase another pc incident happened

♤- loves when you watch him play video games or making a video

♤- his favorite thing is when you lay on his chest while he scrolls threw tiktok or insta

♤- if you guys where together when he made Lost he would always want you with him at the recording studio

♤- constantly asking what you thought

♤- they type of guy to always have his arm around your waist. Especially likes to come behind you and wrap his arms around you and kiss your cheek

-----------------------

♤- 7 in and curved

♤- pretty vanilla guy, but for a little lets pretend he's not as vanilla as he is 😮‍💨(still love you, man)

♤- riding and spooning are his fav positions for sure

♤- not very vocal, but a lot of grunting

♤- giving and receiving head is godly to him

♤- "fuck.." "god." "Your so fucking pretty"

♤- high sex goes crazy with him. He's still smoking a blunt while you ride him every now and then, taking a hit yourself

♤- holds you pretty rough if you're riding him, normally rutting his own hips into you, especially if you're close

♤- eats you out till your heavy breathing, tears are running down your face, you can't form real sentences, till your legs are shaking

♤- oh u need him now? Ur alreadt bent over the nearest counter, in the car? Why not. In the shower? Done. At the mall? Family bathroom it is.

♤- uses the fact hes alot bigger then you to him advantage, manhandling, and holding your hands down

---------------------------------------------------

For my first smut, i think it's ok lmao. Lmk what yall, though, what i should improve and change. Thanks for requesting! :3

[hangup119]

Hi! I wanted to talk about join game the smau 😭 ive been reading it from the start and ive been crying you're so so funny. You've captured their personalities and growth so well, plus i love how you've included random twt users it makes the experience very engaging (and youve shown the brainrot+ delusion of twt incredibly 😍). I can NOT wait for them to meet irl like each chapter is the highlight of my day! Thank you sm for creating this smau and for your hard work. Smaus are NAWT easy to make so thank you so much for your work and contributing to riize content :( theres too little love for the boys. I dont think mc knows that anton knows how she looks 🤨 (im giggling) AND the running gags are so FUNNY 😭 the way shes the only one who understands soul, i love ynton's crazy, fun and natural dynamic really their relationship dev was soo natural! meant for each other im with seunghan on this one. I should stop talking now sorry for rambling but this was long over due. I was on a trip with shaky internet so i had been gathering thoughts about it in my brain. thank you have a great day!! 💘💘

hello hi! thank you so much for this message, sorry it took me so long to reply orz...

i'm so glad you're enjoying join game, it means so so so much! im not the most confident in depicting humor outside of repeating brainrot terminology like a chronically online eight year old on the internet, but comments like these genuinely make my day! im so happy you guys find me a little funny because half of the time i dont even know what im doing when im making the chapters LMAO (i don't plan my stories or anything i kind of just let the ideas marinate in my mind until i have the motivation to put it out into reality T_T)

honestly special thanks to @shoberi for the soul/yn running gag LOL she's the one who came up with adding someone who'd only reply with kaomojis, and she was also the one who came up with the whole plot of join game LMAO i was just the one who took it further and made it to what it currently is. thank you for liking join game!

[autisticandroids]

15, 21, 23?

15. something you learned this year

i don't know if i can say i learned a new skill as such. but one thing is like... i really enjoyed making three card stud. and it really opened my eyes to like, how much of what i like about the practice of fanfiction is the meticulous remixing/reinterpretation of canon. there's a way in which the AMV is a more... analytical art form than the fanfic, because you are literally forced by the constraints of the medium to keep to the text. all you have are song lyrics and the kuleshov effect to convince your audience to take the new meaning you intend to convey from stuff already in the show. and i brought that ethos to three card stud even though i did add stuff. in a lot of ways three card stud was just me listing off things from canon i think a lot about and saying eh? eh? like. hoping the context would make it clear *why* this stuff makes me crazy. and i think that was a lot of the motivation behind the fic i'm currently working on, which is about dean and cas getting caught by the police. that fic at this point is mostly lists of things that have happened in spn episodes, placed in a new context by baffled feds and cops. which is the fun part. so like basically i learned that this is really fun, listing off canon facts in a new context

21. most memorable comment/review

so the most memorable traditional comment as such i got was probably this one, on i fold in half so easily (ifihse tends to generate the best comments because it's extremely dark without the ways in which it is dark being obviously flagged. so people are more shocked and more forced to think). "Cas: no officer i am very happy please dont tell dean im emotionally complex" is so funny and true that's literally what happens in that fic.

another top contender is this one, on getting serious, which generates good comments for the same reason ifihse does, though it's a lot less intense.

but in terms of my favorite *response to my work,* it was the breastfeeding anon saga (in chronological order here) which was a response to my fic smorgasbord.

and then i wrote a fic based on those anons, and then i got these very funny tags on my fic post:

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

when i tell you about the 120k deanvictor fic which is literally 90k of victor henriksen hunting down a serial killer dean winchester while becoming a little (sexually) obsessed with him and then 30k of victor knowing about the supernatural and moonlighting as a hunter while he and dean suck each others dicks so much.

and also it's about victor's relationship with his two ex wives and his former stepdaughter who he is still emotionally a parent to even though they have no legal relationship and the coworker he had an emotional affair with who he doesn't speak to anymore and how he feels trapped in his life and his job and dean represents this escape for him this total freedom. just living in his car on the road and not having to worry about what your boss thinks or needing to quit smoking. while for dean victor represents this stability and adulthood dean can never achieve. and dean leaves three spare pairs of underwear in victor's divorcé bachelor pad as a kind of little... fantasy. of what life could be like.

anyway the most compelling scene from that, IN MY MIND, is a scene where victor STILL thinks dean is a serial killer. and now he has him in custody. and against his will he's... charmed. by dean. because dean is charming and pathetic, shaking and sweating from mild alcohol withdrawal but still cracking jokes and being friendly and observant and extremely young-feeling, for 28. and earnest in a way he didn't expect. and they're forced to work together against a demon siege, a spin on jus in bello where victor still doesn't find out about the supernatural he's just protecting himself and a prisoner from a threat. and he has the uncomfortable realization that he's attracted to dean winchester (serial killer) (guy he is trying to take down) (has killed so so many people). and he's like well. we can table that for later. and then dean escapes.

so i've been trying to figure out a way to scoop out just that scene and turn it into its own fic because that's actually manageable for me.

the dean and cas pursued by the cops idea also comes a bit from frustration that i can't write this, though the feds in that one are ocs bc it's later.

from here

[nishloves]

hey nish, so here is my ask for the match. thank you again, hope its not a bother!

i am an intj and more of an introvert. i can adapt well depending on my interlocutors and can be really shy as well as extremely outgoing. i love staying outside in the comfort of my house but also like hanging out with my friends even if i loose my energy pretty quickly. i am usually described as someone with a rather calm aura but the moment im really comfortable i am rather crazy lmao. i tend to lose focus quickly, ramble a lot (and forget to whom i said what) and can’t see for shit. i am a lazy perfectionist who hates things being done incorrectly but i want them being done quickly. i can be seen as arrogant but im a huge overthinker. I hate showing my feelings and have a hard time accepting my failures. since im always the youngest in my different friend groups, people tend to baby me which is really advantageous.

regarding my hobbies, i do ballet and modern jazz for more than fifteen years and it’s an art and sport that i am really dedicated to, creating choreographies and being kind of a scary mentor when i want to even if i like being like a big sister » so the youngest (im one of the oldest now). i also used to play tennis but outside those sports, i hate physical activities. i love manual activities such as making jewelleries, embroidery, crochet, drawing silly doodles and painting (even if i can’t wait until it is completely dry). i like reading (esp criminal novels) and love animes (my fav are haikyuu, hxh, fullmetal alchemist and bsd). id like to watch kdrama but i dont have enough time and can’t stay focused for so long anyways.

i am a sucker for light and dark academia and you’ll find me most of the time with velvet pants or oversize jeans and a pullover. finally, if i had to choose only five svt songs, it’d be 24h, home run, i don’t know, fallin’ flowers and hot.

thank you so much, i hope i didn’t ramble too much. love you!

hehe not at all! i loved reading all of it <3

when I read intj, i immediately thought about jun/hao/wonwoo but when I read it further, i thought that you might suit joshua more. but!!! when I read about the ballet portion, i just couldn't help thinking about dino!

so i match you with, wonwoo!

he is one of the most considerate individuals I've ever seen, he would be able to differentiate between your moods and energy levels and take care of you whenever you're out; it's like— he can just understand if you're drained or anything and would politely excuse you both from the gathering if he feels as if you're getting overwhelmed.

he would keep you grounded— scold you when you're wrong and empathise with you when you just want to rant. kind of like a very sturdy shoulder to cry on and your biggest motivation for any project.

he would absolutely love your calm-crazy dynamic, he loves it whenever you're so happy that your calm demeanor of an intj morphs into something more childlike and adorable. he also likes the fact that you have "maknae" tendencies, and would absolutely adore it.

he's not a perfectionist per se, but he has friends who are and rest assured that he will do his absolute best to help you take a break/ break your overthinking thoughts and help you get rational again. (vice versa)

you'd think that having a few hobbies to share might be a problem but it actually isn't; wonwoo is very happy whenever you're doing what you love and it makes him want to engage in your hobby with you. you both push each other to step out of your comfort zones and try out different things <3

and god, if you ever make him a bracelet, or crochet a small keyring for him, he's gonna treasure it; I think he might cry in secret too 😭

he also likes the fact that you don't like physical activities because then he doesn't have to do it, you both would probably spend your days cuddling or trying out each other's hobbies or cheering each other on!

he would be your biggest hypeman for your ballet and jazz music <3

[lesb0tron69]

hi renren beloved you prob waited forever for this (& im sorry love eid & shit got in a way also no im not doing this bcs you asked more specifically i had a shit week & i need to do something to make me feel better)

this is prob not gonna sound like a love letter (LOONATEEN REFERENCE) but ill try anyways

its nearly a year since we’re together,,, crazy feels like ive known you forever. sometimes it feels like the only thing i really looked forward to when opening my phone is seeing your msgs / tweets & it feels really silly just laughing at it in public / private wherever. i love you so much do u know that, youre my motivation in life in trying to be a good person or hating myself lesser (prob how i survive finals week). this sounds cliche but i always think about how nice would it be if its just the 2 of us in this world or i could get rid of every bad thing that ever existed in your life (your mom ahem). maybe i should pick up drawing or print a pic of u & put it on a cardholder stand acting like youre a kpop idol just so i could live the next day in peace. one day we should meet. we NEED to meet & we’re gonna go on a date so out of my budget ill prob be broke the next day. i wanna live & be with you forever if its possible. i wanna see you smile everyday & itll just be all i ever wanted. i wanna make you proud when i got to live out my dreams. sorry if this sounds all too cliche & ooc but i had to get it off my chest. well to end it off i know you thought that i dont love you as much but i just wanna let you know the only reason i could be here right now was for you & waking up to a text from you. anyway i love you so much maybe after this tweet ill die of happiness perhaps.

p.s. what if we send each other long ass tumblr blogs & pretend this is some 1890s love letter & we’re both girls okay erh erm

[milla-frenchy]

I’m supposed to already be asleep since I have to get up at 8am cuz I attend a birthday party buttttt for my sweetheart Milla I will push through, I can honestly not wait till tomorrow evening to read so here we go 🤭🤍

I already told Kate that you two must have planned an attack on me from both sides but I’m here for it, please never stop 🤩

Virginity loss let’s gooooooo 🤭🥵

“Joel took another sip of his beer before saying: “You want more? You wanna feel our cocks in your pretty cunt? Is that right, sweetheart?” Ohhhhh hell yeah I wanna feel them in my pretty cunt who would ever say no to that ???😈😏

Maybe that’s weird but how about both Millers at the same time not necessarily in the same hole but hey there would be one for each of them 🥵😏

“I'm sure Tommy would love to jerk off between your tits, while my cock would sink in your throat. Right, Tommy?” Joel Miller you dirty old man the love for you is undeniable strong. Poor Tommy his head must be spinning from all the dirty thoughts his brother plants in his head( although I’m convinced he has them on his own too but won’t admit it so easily) 😏🤭❤️

I love how Joel and reader work as a team to convince Tommy (though once again I think there is not a whole lot convincing needed) 🤩

“I’m just a 21 year old girl and I wanna have fun on my summer vacation...” you pouted.” Perhaps the Miller brothers can visit me too. That would make me a very happy 21-year-old girl and my summer would be better. 🙌🏻😌

“You obeyed, putting your head on his pillow. Naked. The two men stood at the foot of the bed, still dressed. You felt desired, knowing how hard their cocks must be. You felt a little scared too. But the way the previous evening had gone made you think everything would be fine. You knew deep down that they would be perfect.” Of course it will be amazing, but I totally get that she’s a little scared. I would probably be too if I had those two men just look at me lay there and watch me touch myself. 🫶🏻

“The two men got undressed and lied down against you. You kissed them in turn, their hands roaming your body.” I can picture them clearly in my head and it’s beautiful. 🥵😍

“I’m gonna eat ya baby. Gonna make you come on my tongue. And then your crush will fuck you, ok? You want me to go down on you?” Everything about this has me absolutely screaming and biting into my pillow 🥵🫠🫠

Yes their filthy mouths are also driving me crazy. I’d love to be used be them too when will it be my turn 😩😩😩🙏🏻

“shit. You want my cum? You want me to fill you up?” What a question ??? Of course I want your cum Tommy 🥰

“You just knew he could be really rough, but he cared and respected you, your body, your first time.” I have feeling you will show us his rough side in the future. 😈

Love that he respects her first time like that but next time let’s get a lil disrespectful 😏

“Summer was really about to begin.” Let the games begin im ready for a summer with the Millers 😍🤭

Mina you are amazing, thank you so much 🥹🥹🥹❤️

I already told you, but I can't express how motivating your comments are. I loved reading your thoughts, and I can already tell you that all you imagine will happen 😌😏

The fact that you're taking the time to write this beautiful read through makes me so emotional 💖

Ily 🫶🫶🫶 thank you, you made my day

A summer with the Millers part 2

[joy-drops]

this mf long so don't tell me i didn't warn u

been in a rut for over a year

something something autistic burnout

idk the cause or the solution

just trying to survive each day as best i can

easier said than done when everything that brings me joy (ha) is behind a pay wall

that's capitalism baby~

found out fauna is going to the only anime convention i can attend on a reasonable budget.... but im already so broke....

I'd shell out the cash (debt) if it meant guaranteeing a spot at the meet and greet but they might not release info until too late when plane tickets are unaffordable ;_;

i wanna look forward to something because sustaining my sanity on retail therapy and getting high definitely is losing its effectiveness

brain always returns to the loneliness. i know its crippling but how much of my struggle is from that and how much is from my disability... they're both invisible which makes it hard to tell

would having a partner help that much? my gut tells me yes since ill have motivation to live if i have someone to share existence with but that feels like putting all my eggs in one basket and setting myself up for an unhealthy relationship

i like to think i won't fall down that path of toxic codependency like i have in the past tho im not crazy confident based on my track record

Which reminds me I've realized how appealing polyamory sounds to me but I'm terrible in groups I feel like I'd be overwhelmed with more than 3 (including myself) tho who knows what can happen

REGARDLESS i guess i gotta talk to people and make friends since i am incapable of socializing with the intention of dating (trust issues yippee)

i wish i had a crush at the very least. i bring this up often but i fucking miss the feeling of legitimate interest and attraction towards someone

How do I meet someone, become comfortable enough with them, and ultimately find a partnership that satisfies my insane desires???? maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse? Tackling too much at once? Something like that...

Imma be real the only reason I'm active on here is another mechanism to cope with this loneliness (akin to listening to asmr for instant happy brain juice + with the added benefit of "putting myself out there")

My strange fantasy that I'll meet people on here like I did years ago and magically hit it off

AAAAAAUGGHHHHH how did I do it back then it seemed so easy what happened to my social skills (trauma, probably)

How is it I work 2 days a week and am still drained constantly? when will I be free from sleepy bitch syndrome? it's like I've been running on fumes for the past year WHEN WILL I HAVE THE WILL TO LIVE AGAIN

i miss having someone to talk to frequently about everything

i have my besties but unfortunately knowing there's no sexual or romantic attraction there makes it hard for me to get past these barriers?? Is that weird? I wanna be able to be intimate with someone and close but for me that's intrinsically tied to sex and romance. I'm overflowing with platonic friendships to the point where I had to cut off a bunch and leave many people I care about hanging because I simply have no energy to exist anymore

I've been doing my best each day but it only gets harder

The only thing I have energy for is getting high and living inside the fantasies my brain can muster as a means to cope with how lonely I am

I dream of being hugged, of someone touching me, of being accepted for all my flaws and reassured that my existence isn't shameful. I live for the day these might become reality

Since as long far back as highschool I've yearned for intimacy

Physical intimacy specifically since the most I've done is hold hands and lil cute things like that I CRAVE SKINSHIP UNLIKE ANYTHING ELSE

Anyway if anybody made it this far hi feel free to confess ur undying love 2 me

[wjsns]

and u know what im ready to make my full statement on MENG MEI QI too. the situation is so crazy to me, basically now in 2023 some ujung wont even type out her name because 1. cheating scandal (WHERE SHE WAS THE 3RD PARTY, WASNT EVEN THE PERSON TO CHEAT ON SOMEONE) and 2. doesnt mention wjsn ever and to me that is literally HILARIOUS like, god its just soooo funny to watch everyone pile in with the loudest most popular opinion and not do personal critical thinking, or hey, maybe they did and what mmq did really WAS too much for them to still support her but in that case i raise an eyebrow because idk… a lottt of yall are the same people who will get online and write about loving evil women and letting girls be shitty etc etc and she literally gives you what you asked for on a silver PLATTER, like doing nothing cancellable just giving us a good wholesome woman being evil and selfish and obsessed w herself and everyone turns on her!!!! sorry shes not fucking chuu lmao!? (ilu chuu no hate but there is space for good AND evil girls in my heart😇) im sorry im SO unbothered by her being the other woman in a cheating scandal like i cant imagine something mattering less to me and it actually made me super happy to confirm she fucks even tho the guy was ugly😇 but i said kinda most of this already so SECOND OF ALL about her not mentioning wjsn and shit… another thing i literally have NO problem with?? again, like…… no one was more distraught than me at what happened to ot13 but these are REAL PEOOLEEEEEEEEEE?!????!??? i’ve said this before too but i think its worth mentioning, i think my perspective on WJSN has always been a certain way because i grew up playing soccer on a team of the same ~18 girls for over 8 years and im very familiar with, idk, “team dynamics” in groups of girls growing up together? so i understand what its like to be in a larger group dedicated towards this ultimate, performance based goal together and while not everyone out of those 18 girls is one-to-one best friends and lots of people have pretty significant differences, none of that matters “on the field” or when you’re “working”, and its actually lowkey beautiful hiw such different people can unite together to make their dream happen AND develop really long lasting strong relationships w each other when they would otherwise might not have. so ive never had illusions that wjsn as a group has this monolithic motivator or reason for being in wjsn or being an idol, they are all super different personalities and have different interest areas like acting, musicals, song production, MCing etc! so its really impossible for me to feel upset or bothered in any way when i hear complaints about mmq’s behavior in this area because im like ? she obviously has/had this solo career (that i have to believe she had way more control and stylistic direction over than with wjsn) in her home country where she gets to embrace her personal style and concepts instead of matching wjsns, shes clearly separating from that past image and going in a different direction w her career! it does make me bummed that shes not getting 13 stars tattooed like xiao did but again what am i gonna do, be mad that this artist who i really care abt as a person is going off on their own path and direction? cujung is a ROCK of this fanbase its not like a mmq wjsn mention is going to create millions more ujung and album sales? just never added up to me, IM not gonna feel some type of way about it because stan twit fucking tells me to, like how it feels a lot of ujungs react to everything! that one thing going around that was like “wjsn are coworkers not friends” was sooooo funny for me to watch ujung actually get mad about because like,,, they ARE coworkers? AND FRIENDS?! there are 13 of them? each person has a unique individual and complex relationship with each other person? ah idk why i even bother with these essays the avg kpop stans iq is literally 65 yall love being spoonfed parasocial relationships simulated for ur consumption so much u completely block out ​the fact they are real people

[ladygreenfrisbee]

Hi, I was hoping if you have time maybe you could answer some in depth questions? I'm a huge fan of your LMK fics and I'm reading your BNHA stuff in the meantime between updates.

But I notice that you juggle your fics, updating some fics a couple chapters and then another fic. As a writer who loses momentum/motivation for good ideas quickly...how do you juggle them all so well without getting details mixed up? Your chapters all flow exceedingly well from one chapter to the next! I was wondering if you could share maybe how you organize things or share some other writing tips? I'm thinking that a similar method of cycling through fics snd updating them may work better for me to keep writing continuously and I was hoping you wouldn't mind sharing if you have the time or energy to do so. (If you don't, I completely understand!)

And lastly, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your fics. Brotherhood and Reverse are my favorites, so well written and put together and god I love toddler Mac so much. (Also a mood on how you start to write a crack fic and then it gets Emotional and Plot and Angst.) I hope you have a great day! ❤️

Sure thing! First thing first you have to understand taking breaks from writing is VERY important! Although it does look like I'm constantly writing, I actually take lots of breaks -because most of the future chapters are planned out, and I know exactly what I'm doing -and most of all, I've already written most of the next chapter out by the time I get to it.

When I start a fic, generally I set up a Chapter Zero -that one contains all my notes, drabbles, pieces and bits for the story. Any string of words I imagine for it, some scattered bits that jumped to my brain -all serve to not only make the chapter writing faster, but to preserve the thoughts I had in that moment while I was imagining what to do next. It makes jumping back and forth between fics a lot easier, since if you properly document everything, you only need a easy peak in that file to catch up on your planning process for the fic! This also ends up with the result that some large parts of future chapters are written out long before you get to them, and you only need to polish what is there after that. Fun fact -Sunbreak's ending climax is already written out. It might be tweaked in the future, might be changed drastically, but I am happy with the current version and this also allows me to sprinkle some good ol' foreshadowing in the current chapters! Jumping between fics is also a technique I use to write faster in and out of itself -let's be honest we've all had those writer blocks you can't get out of (looking at you MHA fics, Im like so close to finishing the next chapter for a few of them) and the best way to claw yourself out of that hole is to step away. Don't stress about reaching that deadline. Take a break. Not only go do something else, experience something new, detach yourself from the computer for a while -but in terms of writing, write something different.

Each one of my LMK fics are angsty, but they are different flavors to write. Fire and Sparks is snarky, MK's monologue is funky and peppy to write, Red Son too. Sunbreak is a complex, slow beast with lots of build up and time. God of Shadows is pretty out there and abstract. Reverse is meant to be crack on the level of my MHA fic Missy but it ended up something else for now, and that's fine. I will stuff crack and funsies into that fic at one point, just gotta get the sad bits out lmao... What I'm trying to get to, is that write what you feel like it. Don't force yourself to spit out lines, otherwise you're going to end up feeling sluggish and stuck. Variation! Breaks! Twist and turns! Write what flavor you feel like it in that moment helps a lot at coming up with just the right words you need. This is what works for me, and it might work for you! After all, we write for fun, right? To put onto paper, or screen, what our crazy minds come up with!

Hope this answered your question, have a good day!

[rukistarz]

✩ STAR DIARY - entry four - 20.2.23 ✩

6:19 pm

im on day 9 of my liquid fast and the cravings are getting like…really bad. im not planning to give in, obviously, but i can’t help but feel like shit for wanting to eat already when i’ve barely made a dent in my fast, you know ? it makes me feel less than, and pathetic. but im so determined to prove myself wrong and show myself that i can continue on, ignore these stupid cravings and complete my fast like i planned. im tired of being a failure. i will reach my ugw, and i will be successful and happy.

im currently at my lowest weight (124.4), which is great, and it keeps dropping, but i still feel really really fat. like, i can physically feel all of the excess fat on my body and it makes me feel horrible. the thing is tho, it’s not just a feeling, it’s actually there. like, my love handles are still there and they obscure my body in a disgusting way way. my thighs are unbelievably huge, as well as my arms.

it’s ironic because when i was like, twenty pounds heavier, i thought i’d be so skinny at this weight. but im not. i feel like i will finally feel okay, and not so fat when i get to 110 and lower, because i haven’t seen anyone my height being fat at that size. though, the possibility is still there, if feeling fat and gross, you know ? idk

anyway, im going out with my best friend tomorrow, and im really excited for multiple reasons. we haven’t seen each other in over a month, so im looking forward to meeting again. my birthday was on the 1st feb, her’s is on the 29th, so we always meet up during the middle to have a joint b-day celebration, and we’ll be exchanging gifts too. im excited for her to see what i got her, because i really went all out, and im excited to see what she got me. i feel like she probably got me an album or something, which would be cool because i got her two, so we can unbox them together. i also got her other bits and bobs, and a really funny birthday card that i think she’ll thoroughly enjoy.

though, im not planning on eating anything tomorrow, obviously. and the worst thing is, that she knows about my ed, so she’ll probably know that things are bad. she won’t pry or anything, but i know that she’ll figure it out. i feel bad, because i usually omad when we go out, but i cant this time. im also really scared that i might trigger her one day in some way, because she also struggles with body image, too. like, i don’t vent about my ed to anyone, especially in depth, but she knows about it already, and she’ll see my weight-loss and me turning down food, you know ? i just don’t want her to experience anything like this ever.

we’re going to a cat cafe, and i think i might just order a hot chocolate and drink that and when we go out to get food, i’ll say it made me nauseous and i cant eat, or something. i could also say that im on my period, which makes the sickly feeling even worse, and much more believable. granted, im not sure if we’ll go get food after, anyway, because she said she’ll probably get a pastry there, and idk if she’ll feel hungry after that. but it’s whatever, i have my plan in mind. im also glad because we’ll be doing a bunch of window shopping and walking a lot, and i wanna burn a lot of cals from the hot chocolate, you know ?

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

11:22 pm

my mind won’t stop thinking about something my sister said to me a few weeks back.

i was weighing myself and she walked in on me and decided to weigh in too, i was about 128 at that time, and she weighed in at about 180.

she said she wished that she was my size instead, but then went on to say that we’re not that far apart in weight.

which is true, however…that shit literally triggered me so bad.

like, does she think we look the same or something ?

like, no shade to her, i love her and all…it’s just, it fucked with me and it won’t leave my head.

honestly though, it’s crazy motivation because, she wants to lose weight, but refuses to change her eating habits. she always hounds me and my other sister (who has been going to the gym and eating healthily) for trying to lose weight (my family think im on a diet) and how it makes her feel insecure since we’re already skinny in her eyes.

i cant wait to see her again once im at my ugw and for her jaw to drop lmao, her as well as my other sister who’s trying to lose weight too, i want to surpass her and lose weight faster. i also want to be the skinniest in the family too, so this 100 day fast kinda like killing three birds with one stone.

✩ blessing you with a starry night, ruki ✩

[starlightkun]

lmao i saw this on my dash and was wondering if you felt this way

https://www.tumblr.com/16woodsequ/727490027584667648?source=share

cause you rarely write drabbles, everything you write is like full fic length and takes longer and i see you posting little progress updates and little notes about each fic without spoiling. as someone who likes to talk (may or may not be the adhd idk) i cant imagine being in your position like WEREWOLF SUNGCHAN! EXISTS! IN MY MIND! AND ON THIS DOCUMENT THAT YOU CANT SEE! BUT HE'S REAL!! HE'S REAL TO ME!! like how do you do it? having no one to scream to about your fics when you're writing? and having to wait until its completed and uploaded to have people to talk about it with? like especially with all the crack fics you're writing atm, i would be BURNING with the need to show people how funny your writing is

p.s. medication update: im going to switch from methylphenidate to dexamphetamine tmr because apparently im intolerant to ritalin and i think you're on dexamphetamine rn? im hoping that i see some benefits from it. btw your success is keeping some of my spirit and motivation up despite how abysmal ritalin was for me so thank you for posting about how Adderall was for you i really appreciate having someone experiencing meds alongside me 🫶🏻

-✨anon

link

LMAO sometimes that's me and sometimes i'm writing and i'm like "im never letting another living human see this abomination im writing rn this is the worst thing i've ever written and the only penance for what i've done is to throw myself off a cliffside" like there is no in between im either SO EXCITED FOR IT AND ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT AND AM SO AKSEGKJHKJGKTR or i think it's awful and consider deleting it almost immediately after like this scene for changer2 im writing rn like literally as i got this ask (im not gonna delete it but she is gonna b HEAVILY EDITED)

it's fr so hard having werewolf sungchan AND hockey player sungchan BOTH IN MY MIND RN LIKE 🤪 screams everyday i put on my uniform to go fight in the idgaf war on the side of gaf 🫡🫡🤪🤪🫡🤪🫡🤪🤪🤣🤣🫡🤪🤪🫡 lest we also not forget that single dad kun is in here too and some other fellas that yall dont know abt like its soooooo bad in here for me

sometimes i contemplate posting random one-liners or snippets when i write things that make me teehee extra hard or r like rlly 🔥🔥🚨🚨🚨 but i always get worried about spoilers versus teasers soooo i keep it locked away all to myself and maybe go a lil crazy idk who's to say so i do more vague type stuff like talking about how there's a 2.6k makeout scene without posting any actual lines from it, or saying that one of my favorite character bits that i think is genuinely super funny is in dr. magic but not saying what it is, etc., etc., OR also doing ask games like word in a wip where y'all can try to get some lil snippets from me (which i feel i am always very generous with lol)

p.s. to ur p.s.: very happy to hear that you're getting switched off the meds that weren't working for you! i'm on "amphetamine salts" (generic adderall) which is a combo of dextroamphetamine and levoamphetamine, but pretty much yeah it's the big one in the amphetamine class of adhd meds. it has a sightly different effect than dextroamphetamine alone since it has levoamphetamine as well, which lasts longer and can produce better results in some people (pls go w ur dr on this im not giving medical advice omg just what i learned in my psych classes and the information i've been given). i actually just saw my dr today to check in on how i was doing on the adderall (reg check-up appt). i was rlly worried bc the initial good results i saw in the first days were practically gone after like the first week and i was practically back to normal (i.e., bad. my kitchen is a fucking mess again) and when i told him that he was like "lol that's fine! that was just the trial dose! so we can up you to a normal dose now since you saw good results at first" so hopefully i'll be functioning again 👍 so i love this for us 🫶 rooting for us 🫶🫶

[bbiya131]

i think today was a great day. and it somehow completely potrays my perfect daily routine without anything going in my way. which, Alhamdulillah, all came from Allah’s mercy that He helped me in each step of mine.

a great weather really, no, REALLY plays a big part in deciding my mood for the whole day. i love cold rainy days. i love listening to rain. i love staring at the rain pouring. sometimes its diagonal to the right, sometimes its to the left, sometimes its not even diagonal, its straight down. sometimes, i picture them as snow. they do look alike. although i know very well snow is basically rain on freezing days. its snow without the bone-chilling cold.

so i put on my shoes, as i step out of my house, it was the after-rain cold, leaves were scattered everywhere, sky was gray, took out my phone hoping to capture the feelings at that moment so i can reminisce it back, to only putting it back down because i know very well the camera lens wont do its justice and enjoying the present is much much better. no single photos were taken. i love it. Subhanallah.

the lines waiting for the train was not long only means the train is operating smoothly. phew. I dont know about train trips actually. Especially on peak hours. its either me keep scrolling my phone down, just mindlessly staring at something, or having so many thoughts running around. the other day when I sent off my dad to ipoh, I had a thought, how convenient Malaysia is, that my dad can travel to the outskirts without having to drive himself. and my thoughts went to, oh no, not just ipoh, you can go to even outside of Malaysia, by taking the train 5 mins from my house, to the airport rail, to the airport, and by airplane, you can go anywhere in the world? that doesnt make sense. its only 5 mins away to everything! then i thought, its crazy how the world is connected, picturing the globe. then it went to “who even built everything??” crazy.

anyway, thanks to the one who built this train, Ive arrived my office safe and sound.

Please dont ask me what is my job. If there’s one question that people hate the most is what is your job? or what do you do? atleast for me. you wont understand anyway, so I’ll just say I work in an IT department. “so you can hack people?” no, i cant.

So i solved our one last problem today, and we can finally Go Live with our system next monday. Go Live or (is it just Live?) is when youre launching your system to the real world. so i did that today Alhamdulillah.

i love my job. i love thinking for solutions and solving problems. its when i solved a problem i’ll be so happy and be as giddly like a little girl. but my job is just a job. i dont define my self, my life, even, with my job. I am someone who has a lot of hobbies, i do so many things at once. i learn, i read, i pray, i watch, i listen, i write. My job? is nothing of me. and i am glad that all of my teammates are like me too. sometimes I am curious of who they are after 6, but its okay, not knowing is a blessing. I love my job because first, it doesnt intefere my life, second it helps in supporting my hobbies.

my after work hours are when I got to be free in doing the things I love, back home, straight to the shower, after isyak, is my playground. If I’m kinda motivated, i’ll study for my korean. If im less motivated, i’ll take other fun alternatives, to read korean novels/poems. or if lesser than that, i’ll just watch youtubes. sometimes, I even got sick of korean i’ll switch to english. cause, my grammar too is rolling downhill. english is not by studying ofcourse, i’ll watch vlogs on youtube. particularly, british ones. i dont like american accent so much so no thank you. not that i have any negative thoughts about it but i just dont like the sound of it.

anyway, other than that, if you dont know me much, i love hanbin, i’ll go on twitter to have updates of him, or maybe if he’s online, i’ll talk to him. in korean, win win. i got to learn too. then maybe listen to his songs. or idk, anything related to him really. is what i enjoy doing lol.

there’s something about him…, ok anyway moving on.

ah, i am not that productive as you think i am, i too have days when i am too lazy to do anything. usually its on bad days. i just lay on my bed with my phones. ugh i hate it. i hate playing my phone so much. one day, i was on my phone the whole day, i literally consumed it, till I felt so so so tired and in a bad mood at the end of day. I really am trying to combat my phone addiction nowadays so i reach out for books. or cooking shows on netflix. hear me out, even if its still on the screen, its not a scrolling motion. its the scrolling motion that i hate. its when i turn on kdramas is when you know i gave up social media. i dont even watch kdramas or movies. and now im watching a series called “celebrity”. exactly.

what was this post for again???

yeah, about my day, great weather, job’s done, had my llaollao that i craved while listening to my colleagues spoilling the Barbie movie, home to my family, im reading Vivy yusof’s book (she’s so funny) lended by my lovey colleague, listened to some jazz lol (blame hanbin), and writing here! thats what i consider a great day.

so, Alhamdulillah for everything. i hope you guys too are having a great day. may Allah ease everything. may Allah bless you. remember Allah in every steps. Be grateful and make zikir! and have a perfect perfect day everyday! 🐥

ps: sanum, blueberries and any other fruits, kitkat bites and any other crunchies, and ovalmaltine as a topping, the best llaollao combination ever. thank me later. msg me if you need a 15% off code.

[pr1nc3ssani]

5/11/23 8 PM - I'm in this moment . !!

For some reason, I feel like everything is falling into place. I feel like I hit rock bottom and I've been ascending ever since. It's a challenge, really. I felt stuck in a rut... but I feel that's just the beauty of the journey. Maybe that's my issue. I see beauty in everything- even the things that give me anxiety.

Right now, in this moment, I'm in a love-hate relationship with myself. I love myself just not as much as I did two weeks ago. I've been so focused on myself, blocking everyone out. It sounds like a good thing, but really all I'm doing in that time is being hyper critical of myself. Wondering what others are thinking. In a Youtube video I was watching, this person said you should only be comparing yourself to who you were yesterday. If I'm being honest, I don't remember who I was yesterday. I was probably high as shit, probably dancing. I probably drank a lot of soda and scrolled on Instagram till that got boring too. I probably locked myself in my room to ignore my family. It's crazy the feelings I've been experiencing. As much as I value alone time, I've always valued family time more. Recently I just want to be alone. I'm sure I need it. It's exam season and I'm exhausted. I'm sure drugs don't help my self-esteem. I'm not proud of smoking. I hate the sluggish feeling it gives me during the day, but I do it anyways. I'm unsure if it's habit or just because it makes everything funny. After it fades, I always regret it.

I wish I could still be able to call myself smart. I feel like a dummy nowadays. At first, I didn't care. I was happy... I felt happy and not stressed for the first time in a long, long while. But stress motivates me and it's like when I'm not stressed (TOO RELAXED OFF THE ZA) I just don't have a care in the world. So, I forget to study. I procrastinate and relax. It's nothing I haven't done before. I was never a perfect student. Average or above average at best grades. Terrible attendance. Special plan for extra time on exams. One thing you couldn't call me was dumb. I always aced my exams and tests regardless of how badly I was failing the class. I'm blessed to have parents that don't define me by my grades. Instead, I have parents that define me by my looks.

My grandpa (on my dad's side), the other day, said something to me that almost made me cry. I got into the car because for the first time in yeaaarsss he was taking me to school. I reached for my makeup bag, and he told me I didn't need it. He said I was beautiful. My parents call me beautiful too... when I'm wearing makeup. Actually, if I wait too long to put on my makeup before school, my parents will REMIND me to put it on. LOL... I know they do it because they want me to feel good too, but sometimes it hurts knowing I won't be a natural beauty... not to them at least. The only time I can say I was beautiful without makeup was at the beach on my birthday. When a beach guy told me im "cute asf." It boosted my ego, obviously. And another guy tried to get my Instagram! I don't know what energy I was radiating that day, but Ik felt ugly as shit without makeup. Those two interactions made me feel like maybe I am beautiful without makeup. But then that doubt creeps in and it's telling me I'm crazy for even thinking I'm anything but a dumb toy.

Maybe it's the things I've experienced weighing me down, but I wish I could just erase the negativity. I may not remember who I was yesterday, but I know two weeks ago on a specific day I bawled my eyes out and then felt like a bad bitch. Where'd that energy go?!? I'll get it back. This is the lowest I've felt in a while... but at least I'm blessed. I have so many things to be grateful for and I just don't acknowledge them. Each day passes me by. Earlier I was thinking to myself about why people would say things like "Each day is the same I'm tired of it." My days were never the same! They still aren't (sometimes) but they feel that way when you're high... or maybe that's just me doing the same things every time I smoke. Maybe this is all stemming from guilt for relaxing. I can't help my Youtube addiction !!!

Anyways, these recent months have been a rollercoaster. I feel like I lost myself and found a piece of me, lost myself again, now I'm trying to find my whole self. Like I'm losing then winning then losing, but now I'm on the up! It's just a mindset, really. I have to change my thoughts. I don't think I'm made to be perfect although I wish I could be. All this pressure I put on myself to be great is so unnecessary, but I can't lie, I'd be far worse without it. Like imagine if I was so relaxed all the time. I can't actually tell if I know how to love anymore. It sounds angsty but the cheesy romance stuff doesn't get to me. It almost feels far from me. Same with kindness and compassion for others like my friends and family. It doesn't even feel like second nature like before... I just feel like I lost that part of myself. Obviously, this is no way to live. But, writing all this down makes me realize I haven't lost that part of myself, it's just being suppressed. I never placed so much value on my appearance before. I'm definitely not the only thing in the world. At least I'm self-aware enough to know my mindset, it's not healthy. I should be appreciating every second of life.

Actually, I almost cried in class the other day too (Ik im like rlly sensitive.) because of "The Case Against Adnan Syed" show. My teacher plays it for us in class and there was a clip of Hae Min Lee before she passed (look her up if u dont know) and said in her diary that life was fleeting. It struck my heart strings. I'm sure I'm not living my best life right now. I should get my act together.

[rice-enjoyer]

Hues of gray, black, and white ; a lifeless monochrome lie.

Continuation of my unsympathetic [y/n] sagau brainrot with some crisp, fresh, and new Thoughts! Inazuma version, Mond verison here! Liyue version coming hopefully soon!

cw: gn reader, x reader format but all relationships written are platonic(unless.. you want them to be romantic, tried to write these in a way that it can be read as such in most situations.)

some of my fave Inazuman genshin characters interacting with you. not proofread, the other one was, i feel like there's a quality difference but the brainrot is taking over so no thoughts ; hit post. gorou is my sweet lap dog but im willing to share just this once. yes i want to study ayato's brain under a microscope how did you know

--

Being so, so tired after giving a speech in Inazuma, finding comfort in Kujou Sara's strong arms, her being a bit too excited that you rant about your day to her because you remind her of the Shogun. Uncanny similarities in the way you carry yourself in private - She'd think.

Gossiping with Yae Miko. You say "Hate is a strong word, however, I do dislike some of them, if I'm being honest." Her eyes almost sparkle with mischief as you say that, feeling honored, that out of everyone, she's your trusted source for gossip and keeper of secrets.

Raiden Ei sees herself in you, of course, you two become friends quickly! She too, exploited others to make her position more comfortable, you understand each other. Caressing her hands, telling her that she did her best because she truly did! That is how you see it, anyway.

Meeting Ayato was not smooth sailing, unlike the others. When you first met him, he teased you about your act (Miko couldn't keep her mouth shut, but it's best that you will never know that)until you, well, snapped. It took a little over an hour, but you did. A hand, your hand placed on his shoulder, a bit too tight for comfort. "Good job. Is this what you wanted? Curiosity sometimes kills that cat, you know." Informing him in such a way that it almost sounds like you were talking down to a mere insect. Thoma was about to greet you both when you turned to him in complete sync. With smiles as fake as they come. "Hm, so that was his ulterior motive to show how similar we are, how very...interesting. I must visit whenever our schedules don't overlap"

A pair you meet rather frequently with is Kokomi and Gorou. Kokomi did tell you sheepishly that if you go in public, she will get tired from your performance. If you are in private? Your calmness helps her focus on potential battle plans and other matters. Gorou is a little scared of you, since you remind him of Yae Miko. To set a scene that happens oh so very often, sweet Gorou is sitting next to you while your hand scratches and pets his soft little ears. "If anyone were to see the general of all people like this..." You hum, looking at him, only to see him averting his eyes, tail wagging like crazy. And you smile. But this one was genuine. Gorou looked at you, in awe. He was the first person(in Inazuma, don't let it get to his head too much!) to make you smile! He's going on and on about how there's a clear difference, and he's so happy to have seen it.

You aren't necessarily on bad terms with Heizou, his intuition is just telling him that something is off about their loving god, that's all. When you do tell him, he's not surprised at all. You express it to him, in confidence that you'd never want to break the children's hearts, that their god is not who they think they are. That the sweet and loving words are almost always fake. That you could never be tolerated, let alone loved and adored like this - you sigh. - "A sign of weakness, I apologize that it took over me in such an improper manner. How is your new case going? Have you found any leads yet?" The only thing left from that moment of sweet vulnerability is the bitter aftertaste.