#but it is. hm. sometimes looking back at creative projects and remembering where you were when you made them

[perpetuallyfive]

Schnee Week, Day 3: Weiss Ships

So I don’t actually have a finished fic or even a chapter to share today because until my sudden burst of creativity on Monday evening, I have been primarily focused on the next three chapters of Dishonored. (Roughly 31k words written so far across two chapters. It’s coming!) But one little thing I’ve been planning for a long time is on the back-burner and I thought I’d share an excerpt.

Way back at the end of 2019, pretty shortly after we met, @catalyswitch showed me a sketch she was working on of a Schneekos modern day AU and asked me for my thoughts. 

This is the beginning of the fic I’ve been wanting to write since then.

                                                               *

Winter drives her (and her things) to campus, but Weiss moves in on her own. There’s some kind of important meeting — lots of covert messages on a blackberry, which is a thing these kinds of people still use — and Winter can’t delay any longer. It’s not like Weiss expected anything else.

Maintaining low expectations for others and high ones for yourself are sort of the Schnee motto. It saves a lot of disappointment in life, in general.

She decorates her room just fine on her own. Minimalism is another thing she’s grown accustomed to in the mansion mom gave up on renovating in between her fourth and fifth trip to rehab. Call the abandoned projects and clutter in the attic a metaphor for something, if you’re inclined to such dramatics.

Weiss has never had any need for those kinds of abstractions or distractions.

She hangs a single picture on her wall.

Unlike the family portrait that hangs in the dining room, this is casual. While that is carefully composed and well lit, this shows Weiss and Whitley amidst of a mess of wrapping paper, faces lit up with excitement and the soft glow of the lights from their Christmas tree. Winter is in the background, distributing the gifts. Mother sips some unknown liquid from a coffee mug.

Father is nowhere to be found, and the photo was surely taken by Klein. That’s clear enough in Weiss’s smile, which is confident and unrestrained.

Her posture is straight. Her eyes are bright.

It’s as if her past self was looking right out into the future, smiling at the person she is today.

First day of orientation, and she’s ready for anything.

                                                              *

Correction: the one thing Weiss Schnee was completely unprepared for is her roommate.

The girl is a whirlwind of chaotic confusion, and so is the rest of her family. At least, Weiss has to assume this mess of (noisy) people is somehow this girl’s family. None of them look alike. The two loudest (by only a small margin) are blond with smiles as big as their biceps.

None of them have really stopped talking since they burst into the room and began hanging all kinds of things from the walls on the other side of the room.

“What—” Weiss begins, but she has no idea where the question is going.

What’s there to ask?

“Yes, hello!” the person who is probably Weiss’s roommate — but looks much too young for it — shouts from just beneath the mattress she’s managed to get stuck underneath. One of the blondes lifts it off her, and she darts back out, flailing. “Hi! I am your roommate, Ruby. If that’s what your what was.” She stands at attention, hands on her hips, as if that justifies any part of this. “I’m the what’s what, if you were wondering.”

Weiss barely has time to catch her breath. She’s not sure this even counts as caught. “… what?”

“Exactly!”

The two blondes exchange looks and both laugh, but Weiss doesn’t think it’s very funny.

“You must be Weiss,” the man who technically looks old enough to be someone’s father says, holding out his hand to shake.

The other blonde keeps her arms folder over her chest. “Weiss Schnee, wasn’t it?”

She says it in the same way that everyone says it. As in, are you one of those Schnees, as in they know her father. As in they’ve turned on the news sometime in the past eight years. Everyone knows the Schnee family name; father hasn’t exactly been under the radar.

But all she says is, “That’s right,” while shaking the man’s hand. Firmly.

Always shake firmly. Father taught all of them that.

“Your father sure has his hands in a lot of pies.”

“He doesn’t, actually.”

“Doesn’t—”

“—know the first thing about cooking.” Another early lesson: know when to make your exit. Weiss stands abruptly, her stack of books completely forgotten on the bed. “Well I,” she begins, but she’s already made a fatal error.

Because the new roommate is noticing the books. “Oh, wow, are you majoring in political science?” She’s suddenly much too close to Weiss’s personal space, though for what reason is unclear. It’s just happening, and Weiss is along for the ride. “That’s so cool! I guess it makes sense, huh, because of your dad and everything.”

There’s the elephant in the room. The very large (very republican) elephant. “I chose my major for myself, actually.” It was not an easy or a quiet conversation, and certainly not one Weiss cares to repeat to these total strangers. “As I was just going to say, I have somewhere to be.” Somewhere far away from here, that is. Literally anywhere else. “It was lovely to meet all of you,” Weiss continues, not bothering to acknowledge the fact that she has learned absolutely none of their names.

                                                              *

The first place Weiss finds to hide that she doesn’t think her roommate will find her is the coffee shop. It’s clear from her demeanor that the child — very obviously too young to be at college, so perhaps some kind of prodigy which would explain the hyper active behavior and poor socialization — is in no need of further caffeination.

Coffee shops are also a useful place to disappear. It’s easy to blend in to a crowd of people all looking closer at their cups than they are each other.

Except of course for the table of jocks nearby. Weiss has absolutely nothing in common with any of them.

Even if some of them are aesthetically appealing.

                                                              *

On day three of avoiding her room and her roommate, Weiss discovers that said roommate — her name is Ruby, a fact Weiss intends to immediately forget again — does in fact require even further caffeination.

If she cared about this particular annoyance at all, she might be concerned about the state of her heart.

As it is, she’s more concerned with her own social standing being seen in public with an infant who only stops talking long enough to consume even more coffee.

“So anyway,” Ruby gasps, practically gargling her last gulp down. “What about you, are you excited for your first day of classes?”

Since Ruby is studying something else — what that is, Weiss can’t recall, although she’s probably repeated it more than once — and will come nowhere even close to a political science course, the answer is very obviously yes. Weiss tempers her excitement, somewhat, just for the sake of kindness. 

“I’m overjoyed,” she says, almost neutrally.

“Yeah, me too.”

The jocks are there again today. They’re always there. Maybe the field they train on is nearby? Maybe they come here to study?

No, that doesn’t seem likely.

They’re all laughing (loudly) at something a boy with blue hair just said. Hopefully it was about something other than fashion decisions.

“Weiss?” Ruby says, as though she’s just repeating herself after perhaps even several attempts to get Weiss’s attention.

But all Weiss will offer in return is vague non-commitment. “Hm?”

“I was asking if you know them.” She points at the table that Weiss was very covertly staking out and Weiss slaps her hand back down. But Ruby just repeats the gesture with her other hand. “I only ask because you stare at Pyrrha a lot, and I was wondering if you wanted me to introduce you.”

“What, I do not,” Weiss answers without having any idea who Ruby’s even referring to.

At least.

Unless she means the redhead, because then yes. Weiss has been watching her off and on for the past three days, but surely so has everyone else in the cafe. They all have eyes after all.

Even if Weiss’s are currently bugging right out of her skull as Ruby jumps out of her seat. She can see what’s coming, but it’s already too late. “Pyrrha!” Ruby calls, her voice a clanging shriek.

Weiss recoils so hard from the sound that her eyes temporarily close. It’s such sweet relief safe in this darkness that she is reluctant to open them.

When she does, the redhead is there, at her table.

Her smile is confident but carefully contained. Her posture is relaxed and casual. Her hair is pulled back in a loose ponytail, with curls carefully framing her face.

“Oh,” Weiss breathes, before she can think better of it, before she can think at all. “Oh, hi.”

Years later, Weiss will wish she could remember what Pyrrha said next. But she doesn’t. She only remembers the way that smile pushed firmly into her chest, opening up an empty cavern of want that she had never known existed before.

The space inside, the empty need, felt almost limitless. It should have been awful.

But the one thing Weiss can remember from that exact moment is how much she was smiling.

[buns-with-a-book]

Spider Lily

For Day One of DMCWeek2020! The prompts filled for today was Weapon! Special thanks for @furyeclipse for the idea of the weapon in question.

Fandom: Devil May Cry Characters: Nico, Vergil/OC, Dante Tags: @nimnox @astral-space-dragon @queenmuzz @i-write-fanfics-to-procrastinate @harlot-of-oblivion

Summary: While Nico works on a new katana devil arm for Vergil, Cassandra and Vergil discuss the nature of devil arms and the long-shattered Astra.

It was a warm evening on the island of Fortuna. Outside, cicadas sang with the ocean waves beyond. Just a little ways away, the outskirts of Castle Town were quiet.

It was this evening that found Cassandra with Vergil in the Devil May Cry van. At her workbench, Nico was hard at work making her first proper Devil Arm. She remembered Nico practically vibrating with excitement from a trip to Japan with Lady and Trish, where they not only slew a rather violent and aggressive demon, but earned a slew of demon parts and materials for Nico’s projects. One such project was a katana, for Vergil. Behind Nico was the katana’s scabbard, a blood red sageo laying atop it. Sitting across from Nico’s workbench was a potted red spider lily, the inspiration for the devil arm in the making.  

“Man, binding the demon into the metal was the biggest challenge in the first place.” Nico hummed. “Stubborn varmint.” The metal seemed to heat up angrily at that. “Oh can it, asshole!”

“I must admit, I never expected to find Nicolett- ahem, Nico’s work so...amusing.” Vergil hummed.

“It’s a hoot.” Cassandra grinned, her hands full of ice cream. “Here you go.” She handed him a cup of pistachio gelato. Vergil smiled as he took the cup and began to eat.

“Thank you, my dear.” Cassandra sat down next to him, beginning to eat her cup of cherry gelato. She looked to Nico. “Where’s Dante?”

“Probably pissing off Nero.” Cassandra said with a shrug. “He just does that, ever since they met.” Vergil let out a hum. Cassandra looked to the weaponsmith, noticing a sparkling black obsidian earring on the weaponsmith. She let out a hum. “Didn’t know Nico was into jewelry.”

“It’s more than just jewelry.” Vergil said. “I recognize it as an enchanted earring, to protect the wearer from demonic influence. Creating devil arms is a very dangerous task, she will need all the protection she can get.”

“Do you know that?” Cassandra asked. Vergil shook his head.

“No. I do not know about the creation of devil arms. But devil arms are dangerous in their own right so it stands to reason that their creation is even more dangerous. The weaponsmith must tame the devil’s soul into the metal.” Vergil explained. “Sometimes, a more powerful arm is split in some matter.” He looked to the Yamato, sitting quietly next to him. “My father split his original sword into three: the Sparda, Rebellion, and Yamato.”

“And, if what Dante told me is correct, he reunited Rebellion into the Sparda with his own blood, creating Devil Sword Dante.” Cassandra mused.

“Uncreative name aside-”

“He’s only creative when he’s fighting demons.” Cassandra pointed out. Vergil snorted.

“As I was saying, Dante technically created a new devil arm, using Rebellion and the Sparda as a sort of base. But I am only speaking in hypotheticals.” Vergil shrugged. “Devil Arms are...unique. And Dante’s is no exception.”

“And difficult to pin down in terms of crafting, aside from the fact that a demon’s soul is it’s core.” Cassandra finished. She looked to the scar on her left hand. “You wouldn’t happen to remember Astra, would you?”

“I believe you polished the blade as a subtle threat to me when I was V.” He replied. Cassandra cringed.

“Yeah...sorry about that.” Vergil chuckled. “But you remember the blade. I don’t think it was a Devil Arm.”

“No, I doubt it ever was one. I would call Astra a spirit weapon. Spirit weapons are exceedingly rare, tied to bloodlines.” Cassandra slowly nodded. All of that sounded correct. “They all fade at some point in time, but Astra’s shattering was what surprised me.” She felt his hand rub at her scar. “Astra appeared to have a few more generations before it would fade.”

“What can I say? Life throws curveballs.”

“Curveballs in the form of angry houseplants!” Nico yelled. Vergil glanced up to her, still hard at work at the katana, before awkwardly taking another spoonful of ice cream. Cassandra chuckled.

“Well, that curveball gave me a sassy sweary bird, a snuggly panther, a baby, and Cordelia, so I like to think I ended up smelling like roses by the end of it all.” She leaned onto Vergil. “And I got one very handsome half-devil as well.”

“Ugh, lovebirds. Get a room!” Nico gagged. Cassandra gave Nico a look. “And don’t think about using the van’s shower! That’s not a room!”

“I dunno, it technically would count as a room-”

“That’s a one way ticket outta my van!” Nico snapped.

“Nicoletta, the katana. You have to be focused on making the devil arm or the demon will escape from the metal.” Vergil cut through the conversation, his tone serious. Nico nodded and went back to work on the katana. Cassandra looked back to her gelato and continued to eat. A quiet fell in the van, aside from the sounds of Nico working hard.

“...Cassandra.” Vergil murmured. She looked up. “If you could keep Astra, would you?”

“...no. For one thing, I wouldn’t have Cordelia. I would never have to face the memories I forgot, either from trauma or a conscious attempt to forget. And I would probably have to slay your nightmares, something I...would have a hard time doing. I’m too fond of them.” She mused. Vergil nodded. “I wonder, if Dante had found them before me, would he have struggled with slaying them as well?” Cassandra fell quiet, a train of thought that Vergil didn’t want to go down either.  

“Aaaaand done!” Nico chirped, sliding the newly-forged katana into its scabbard. Vergil put down the empty cup of ice cream and set it on the small table across from them. He placed the Yamato in Cassandra’s arms, earning a soft ‘oh!’ from her. Nico snickered at the sight, a snicker that faded when Vergil walked over to Nico. “Ahem!” She held up the newly forged katana. “Behind, my genius!”

“Does it have a name?” Vergil asked, glancing at the red spider lily across from the workbench. Nico grinned wide at that.

“I call it Spider Lily. But uh, brawling stuff? Don’t know about that. But I do know that the demon inside will try and make you go nutso if you stare at the reflection for too long.” Nico explained. Vergil slid the katana out of it’s scabbard, silver eyes staring deep into the blade’s shining surface. A tense quiet fell before he looked up, sliding the katana back into the scabbard.

“Child’s play.”

“Hey! My work is not child pl-”

“I was not referring to your craftsmanship. The demon bowed easily.” He said. “Your craftsmanship is impeccable.”

“...aww shucks.” Nico laughed, rubbing the back of her neck. “Cass, why is your man a charmer?”

“Because he genuinely likes your thirst for weaponsmith knowledge? You’re not as annoying as Dante?” Cassandra threw out with a shrug. “Speaking of Dante-” She looked out the window. “Ah, he’s coming back with a strawberry sundae. Probably bugged Nero into paying for it-” Vergil suddenly stepped out of the van. Cassandra watched as he walked over to Dante, pulling out the newly forged katana. Nico followed him, poking her head out of the opened door.

“Hey Verg, did you get yourself a new toy?” Dante asked, taking a bite of strawberry sundae. Vergil suddenly impaled his twin in the gut with the katana, earning a yelp of pain. “VERG!” Vergil pulled the katana out and inspected it.

“Hm.” He flicked the blood off the katana and slid it back into its scabbard. “I will need to hone it’s edge on other demons.”

“THEN WHY STAB ME!?” Dante yelled. “I nearly spilled my sundae!”

“If a blade cannot go through you cleanly, then is it a blade?”

“I’m just gonna eat my sundae-” He looked over to Cassandra, noticing the Yamato that was in her hands. “Huh, that’s where you put the Yamato.”

“Whatever are you talking about Dante?” Vergil asked, raising an eyebrow. Dante pointed his plastic spoon to Cassandra. Vergil’s eyes followed his spoon to her, then back to Dante, before a blush crept onto his face. He promptly pulled the katana back out and stabbed Dante again. Blooming from the wound was a scarlet dripping spider lily. Dante looked down, a noise of confusion passing his lips before it appeared to explode. Dante was thrown back a little from the blast, stumbling to the ground. Although his strawberry sundae thankfully didn’t spill, he was surrounded by scarlet spider lilies. Vergil sheathed the katana and returned to the van, ignoring Nico’s snickering.

“...well, I still got my sundae.” Dante huffed.

[amerasdreams]

I have been listening to True Spies podcast on Spotify. It’s apparently connected to a thing called Spyscape, which has a museum/experience thing in New York. They also have an online test for your personality and intelligence.... well those intelligence tests all of course have to do with math. and they are TIMED. somehow I got thru guessing most of them.... didn’t score 0 but didn’t score great. 

so guess what I scored on intelligence!  and personality scores mean I’m more prone to health problems and being unhappy.... :( 

(here I woke up thinking I can be uniquely me, I don’t want to be like anyone else anyway, I can embrace that... but how can I when what I am is this pathetic)

I shouldn’t have done this, I know what these tests do, make me discouraged and hate myself more. they even said I’m not imaginative and creative-- things I value most besides intelligence (and intuition/empathy...) 

they did say the “spy role” I was most suited for, which is what I’m most interested in, intelligence analyst. But in the more “practical” side, for jobs, it mentioned medical things, technical things, which I wouldn’t be good at and don’t like, business marketing-- working for a business I don’t care about, a job with no meaning....  it even had mathematician! when I’m obviously not good at math. the only jobs I might be interested in are psychologist/criminologist... idk.... to late for me to get any career anyway, let alone somehow what I really want

they did a risk assessment, where you blow up the balloon before it pops to get “money” - yesterday I started it and panicked when the balloon popped the first time and closed the window. then when I was walking the dogs it occured to me it was a test lol and I would just have to keep risking popping the balloon... so today I saw it as more of a game and not the ‘scary balloon popping oh no I lost money!” -not even real money. idk about fun.... all these things were stressful esp the intelligence test. 

today I started the test, thinking it might help me, get insight into what I can do, instead, it discouraged me, I’m what I thought, mediocre and not suited for much, they only gave a “role” to me because they had to give me something. It said the intelligence analyst is inquisitive--when it just said I wasn’t -  idk how this even fits with the test bc analytical? that wasn’t one of the dimensions and doesn’t seem like I scored high on implied analytical powers, same with determined-- 

how can i live with myself being like this, having no role and no future according to any dimension that really counts. don’t want to be plodding away at menial tasks when I want to do something Imaginative, Creative, Intellectual-- ha can’t even do that

oh I’m proving them right, easily stressed and sensitive and reactive -- 

I’m not including the risk assessment bc I don’t think it’s accurate-- I’m really very risk averse in all cases... oh we know that already so. 

~

results (bold/parentheses is mine)

MENTAL HORSEPOWER

Unlike Alan Turing would, you scored moderately low {yay!:(} on this attribute. The result, driven by your performance in the personality tests, suggests that, on the whole, you struggle with complex mathematical and analytical problems. {so how can I be an analyst?} That said, you can usually spot patterns and find links in data – as long as the information you have been given isn’t too abstract. (I like big picture things.... abstract things... apparently I’m not good at it)

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Like other people with a moderately low Mental Horsepower score, you are more likely to ‘go with your gut’ when making decisions rather than to apply logic and reason (that’s true.... logic is mystifying. fits with being INFP-- logic is my weakest point). It is unlikely that you will sit down and win a game of chess, and you probably rely on your satnav rather than read a map yourself. (yep.... chess is too much strategy... I can’t see ahead like that .. hm how could I be an analyst)

IN YOUR WORK

Because you are not a very conceptual thinker, you are better in roles where you can do things ‘automatically’ rather than applying any abstract reasoning skills. You are not bad at visual-spatial or mathematical tests though, and with training and practice, your skills will definitely improve.

THE SCIENCE

Mental Horsepower relates to our general cognitive ability and our capacity to think about, reason with, and understand abstract concepts. It particularly links to analytical and mathematical skills, but also covers memory, comprehension, language, learning capacity and judgement. These are hugely significant skills for success at work and in everyday life.

Psychologists have developed all kinds of tests to measure cognitive ability. Some of these involve predicting outcomes from patterns in data (also known as inductive reasoning), while others focus on mentally flipping and rotating images. We use both of these approaches in our Mental Horsepower tests at SPYSCAPE.

Recent neuroimaging research shows that intelligence is linked to brain patterns, and that these patterns are unique to each of us (meaning you can’t change them :(  )– much like our fingerprints. In one study, these brain ‘fingerprints’ were used to successfully predict people’s scores in IQ tests.

While IQ tests are probably the most common method for determining cognitive ability, there is some debate over whether they provide a complete picture. For example, theories suggest that there are many different types of intelligence which are not accounted for in these tests. Still, it is generally accepted that people who score highly on tests of cognitive ability are on the whole better at completing intelligence-related (so that career’s out... if it was ever in lol) tasks in the real world.

~

COMPOSURE

Unlike Jason Bourne, you scored extremely low (low on everything! what a wonderful person!) on this attribute. The result, driven by your performance in the personality tests, suggests that you are far more vulnerable to stressors than most people (I knew that). You are likely to have a very strong emotional reaction to negative events and your brain becomes highly active when you see something you perceive as unpleasant (like this test!). Although this means you find it hard to relax, it also means you are really tuned in to your surroundings ( and what’s the upside of that? nice consolation prize....)

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Like other people with extremely low levels of composure, you are highly likely to experience anxiety and burnout. (with things that aren’t really stressful to anyone else. just stepping outside. just being inside-- doing thigns like this.. doing most things actually-- help how can i live) You can be far too critical of yourself (well how do i stop? if this is how I am like), especially when you are stressed (which is almost all the time), and this can make it tricky for you to overcome problems (which is never, which is why I’m still living w my parents). You also dwell on the past far more than people with high composure.

On the positive side, you are responsive to your environment, which means you are more likely to anticipate negative outcomes and find ways to avoid them (like almost everything). You are also sensitive and caring, and your observant nature means you look out for yourself and the people close to you. (what’s the point of that when you can’t do anything, or get to know new people)

IN YOUR WORK

It is unlikely your colleagues will turn to you when there is an emergency or crisis at work. This is because you struggle to keep your emotions in check, and challenging situations can get the better of you. When this happens, you are not great at maintaining focus or making tough decisions.

THE SCIENCE

Composure relates to how our brains respond to stress. In tense situations, your brain activates an area called the hypothalamus, which releases adrenalin and cortisol – also known as stress hormones.

A bit of stress now and then is important for survival, because it alerts us to the dangers around us. Small amounts can be useful, but too much over a long period of time is bad for our health (oh goody). Studies show that the adrenal cortex, the part of the brain that releases stress hormones, is also linked to the healthy function of our immune system – and people who are more prone to stress are also more likely to get sick.

There is also a connection between composure and working (short-term) memory. Composed people perform better on tasks where they need to recall and use relevant information while they’re doing something else – for example remembering the steps of a recipe when cooking a meal.

PEOPLE SCORING HIGH IN COMPOSURE ARE

LAID-BACK

RELAXED

COOL

FOCUSED

POISED

PEOPLE SCORING LOW IN COMPOSURE ARE

EMOTIONAL

SENSITIVE

PERCEPTIVE

RESPONSIVE

VIGILANT

~

Contentiousness

Unlike diligent Mission: Impossible hero Isla Faust, you scored moderately low on this attribute. The result, driven by your performance in the personality tests, suggests that unlike Isla, you find it difficult to keep focused on long-term goals {Idk about this. goals are all i focus on.... well. I think about them often but Idk how to create the steps to get there and so things fizzle out and I get-- discouraged what else is new). You get distracted or bored quite quickly and are often drawn to new ideas and projects instead of finishing what you are currently doing (well.... hm. I finish novels...). You understand what is important in life, but you sometimes skip the details. (I’m not a detail person... I can be but they often seem irrelevant)

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Because you prefer not to a follow a schedule, hobbies that require regular training are not for you. In fact, your interests change quite regularly, and you find long-term commitment a challenge whatever the activity. Friends and family know that if they want you to do something, they need to encourage you to get organized. When they press you, however, you do things pretty well.

IN YOUR WORK

You take a relatively flexible approach to work. As such, you get distracted easily and do not always complete the task in hand. Because of your tendency to do this, you are likely to change jobs – and perhaps even career – fairly regularly (I want variety... Idk, this sort of fits, sort of doesn’t).

THE SCIENCE

Conscientiousness shapes how likely you are to follow rules, regulate your own behavior and get yourself organized. The more conscientious you are, the more motivated by goals and tasks you are likely to be.

According to what psychologists call the ‘Big-5’ model, conscientiousness is a core dimension of personality – and one of the five key traits that drive human behavior. Whether you are high or low in conscientiousness can help predict your success in social, academic and professional situations.

If you have high levels of conscientiousness, you are probably more productive and better at adapting to new situations (that’s true, I’m not) that come your way. However, this does not mean that being conscientious is always a good thing, because research also shows that being too conscientious can lead to overthinking. (I do that too...)

Some studies suggest that people who are more conscientious are healthier – and they might even live longer. This might be because conscientious people are more likely to exercise regularly, eat healthily, and avoid smoking or drinking too much alcohol.

It’s hard to say where conscientiousness comes from. One study found a link with areas of the brain relating to attention and cognitive control. There is also evidence to suggest that genes play their part. It’s likely that social factors such as your upbringing influence how conscientious you are, too.

PEOPLE SCORING HIGH IN CONSCIENTIOUSNESS ARE

HIGH-ACHIEVING

ACCOUNTABLE

THOROUGH

DRIVEN

SELF-DISCIPLINED

PEOPLE SCORING LOW IN CONSCIENTIOUSNESS ARE

IMPULSIVE

FLEXIBLE

EASY-GOING

SPONTANEOUS

ADAPTABLE

(I think I’m sort of this, sort of not because I’m borderline INFP -- P is flexible, impulsive while J is more structured-- I’m slightly more Perceiving. goes to show Myers-Briggs is pretty good at describing personality accurately....)

~

INQUISITIVENESS

Unlike Carrie Mathison in Homeland, you scored moderately low on this attribute. Your score was driven by your performance in the personality tests, and it suggests that you are pretty cautious about new ideas, beliefs, cultures and theories.

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Like other people who scored moderately low on this attribute, you are not so willing to take on board other people’s views (that’s true). You will consider what people have to say, but you are likely to stick with your own opinion. You feel more comfortable in familiar situations and surroundings (well, yes...), and you do not really feel the need to explore new places (I kind of do, though... I want to but I often... don’t. because it’s too hard).

IN YOUR WORK

Because you aren’t motivated to learn or acquire new skills (Idk about this... depends on if it’s something I’m interested in. I’m learning like 15 languages on Duolingo...), you are less likely to seek out new opportunities at work. And the longer you stay in a job, the worse your motivation is likely to get. In general, you tend to perform better when you start a new position, although you will carry this out using the same approach you always have, rather than approach it in a new way. You like real-world, practical work that has straightforward solutions.

THE SCIENCE

Inquisitiveness is an important trait for discovering new things and building a better understanding of people and of the world around us. Psychologists have developed tools for assessing and measuring how inquisitive a person is.

These are based on extensive research into personality and are designed to evaluate five facets related to inquisitiveness: (i) intellectual curiosity; (ii) aesthetic sensitivity; (iii) active imagination; (iv) attentiveness to inner feelings and; (v) preference for variety.

Furthermore, personality researchers have identified two types of inquisitiveness; ‘epistemic’, which refers to information seeking ( I think I’m more information seeking?) behaviour and ‘perceptual’, which refers to experience seeking.

PEOPLE SCORING HIGH IN INQUISITIVENESS ARE

CURIOUS

OPEN-MINDED

IMAGINATIVE AND INVENTIVE

CREATIVE

ADAPTIVE

PEOPLE SCORING LOW IN INQUISITIVENESS ARE

PRACTICAL

CONSISTENT

TRADITIONAL

HABITUAL

PRAGMATIC

~

SOCIABILITY

A bit like Alec Leamas in The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, you scored extremely low (yay. well I knew this... and from answering the questions... )on this attribute, which suggests that you prefer to spend time alone and keep yourself to yourself. You avoid parties, meet-ups and other noisy gatherings because you find them overwhelming (wayyyy). If you really have to socialize, you need plenty of quiet time afterwards to help you rest and recharge.

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Like others with an extremely low sociability score, you don’t like being the center of attention and often struggle to start conversations. You think a lot before speaking and regularly find it hard to express your thoughts and ideas. Because of this, you often let others do the talking, and you don’t take part in small talk either. This behavior means you might come across as socially reactive, and people may think you only talk to them when you feel you really have to (as in, extremely negative, and I shouldn’t exist. although... i do talk to them if I have to.... haha I do take part in small talk because I think I have to. or people will think I’m rude. but I don’t like it. I’m sensitive to how I’m perceived and don’t want to be seen as too antisocial, but I talk to others out of fear not of want... yikes. no wonder no one wants to be around me. well I don't want to be around them. well - I want to be around people I know well. for limited amounts of time... need less to recharge from people I know than strangers. I want to be with them, I don’t want to be with strangers-- it’s only stress and not fun at all. but how do i get past the stranger part to the friend part if I don’t like being with strangers and it’s all stressful adn overwhelming? How do i participate in society, have people to talk to, have any sort of success??? - shouldn't exist.).

IN YOUR WORK

Because you are more comfortable working independently (please. HOW???? besides working for myself... haha can’t work for anyone else bc can’t get past the interview, these ^ traits are obvious and not something any employer in their right mind wants), you will be more productive – and much happier – managing your own workload, tackling problems alone, and avoiding company brainstorms and powwows.

THE SCIENCE

How sociable you are can be linked to your levels of happiness, positivity, and wellbeing. In fact, sociability relates to a variety of positive outcomes in life, including how successful you are at work, how well you cope with challenging situations, and even how physically and mentally healthy you are. (yay. I’m doomed. I might as well kill myself now)

People who are highly sociable are more positive emotionally (case in point!) than those who are less sociable. In one brain imaging study, people with a high sociability score had higher levels of brain activity when they saw images of happy faces and other positive emotions.

The same part of the brain that processes emotions also helps interpret information from social contexts, which means we can judge a social situation and then respond appropriately (social situations, like math problems and logic, are mystifying to me. yay the things that are highest linked to success--).

There is some evidence to suggest that highly sociable people might be better at detecting and decoding the meaning of social cues –  including how they analyze and read people’s faces (oh, I know that. I have a hard time judging people’s faces, in fact I often think they are mad at me or judging me by their faces when they probably aren’t. I even have trouble finding out what emotions go with what emoji! besides the basics. i mean why, how are there so many emojis....). This means they are likely to find social interaction easier to deal with than others (lol yes. it’s . not easy. why. do i have to be born like this. always been. hell..).

There is also research to suggest that highly sociable people have more connections between regions of the brain that involve visual stimulus and regions that process social and emotional stimuli. (brains are better, we get it)

Sociability might also be associated with the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is linked to reward-seeking behavior. It is thought that people who are highly sociable may have an enhanced response to dopamine in the brain, which makes them pursue rewards such as attention, status, power or pleasure. This would explain why, when they get these things, they feel happier or more satisfied.

PEOPLE SCORING HIGH IN SOCIABILITY ARE

TALKATIVE

FRIENDLY

ENTHUSIASTIC

ENERGETIC

EXCITABLE

PEOPLE SCORING LOW IN SOCIABILITY ARE

QUIET

RESERVED

INTROSPECTIVE

PRIVATE

SHY

^ ALLL negative attributes, I need to just kill myself now, no future. 

[laceymorganwrites]

Red lily

Word Count: 2,662

Pairing: Tendo x fem!reader

Warnings: swearing, slight mentions of bullying (Nothing explicit)

A/N: okay so this is really self indulgent. All of the Habits and past About the Reader are taken from myself (except for the homeschooling lol). And I´m Pretty sure I wrote Tendo ooc. But whatever. I quickly wanted to say why I wrote him like this: I relate to him a whole lot cause like him People were scared of me as a child too. I´m also regarded as the weird one and I wanted you guys to know that that´s okay. if you´re different and People tell you you´re weird, take it as a compliment, I know it´s hard, but you got this! Being weird is Nothing to be ashamed of

You didn´t belong in Shiratorizawa and everyone knew it. You just stood out with your quirky habits and weird looks as well as your behavior, you were different from your fellow students.

Never being one to like it when all the attention was on her, the elite school wasn´t a good match for you.

Of course your parents thought otherwise, once you had the grades to be able to enroll, no other options existed anymore. You were thankful for the opportunity at first, after all Shiratorizawa´s reputation preceded the school.

And once you were there it felt like all your dreams and nightmares came true at the same time.

For one the school was very prestigious and large, there were so many interesting classes and clubs that you had trouble to choose in which one you wanted to partake.

The students and teachers seemed really nice too at first, the volleyball club was the absolute pride of the school, making everyone else feel invisible which you were thankful for.

You never knew how to make friends anyway, nobody ever wanted to be your friend and for as long as you could remember you were always alone, an outcast, a weirdo, a girl who just didn´t know any better. How could you when nobody ever taught you how to be socially acceptable?

The bullying didn´t bother you until middle school, you didn´t comprehend it back in elementary school, you simply concentrated on your school work until the bullying got so far that you couldn´t even do that anymore.

Middle school was rough, you almost got kicked out because your bullies tried to pin the blame on you, which was easy enough. If one was different it was easy to make them the bad guy. Your parents had you home schooled from then on.

They were always supportive of you, giving you enough freedom to do all the things you wanted, to try out different things and they were still close enough for you to make you feel loved.

Because of that you never bothered meeting new people in school, why should you? They would only be scared of you again.

It was always rough being the odd one out at the beginning of the year, but your initial fear of Shiratorizawa´s students being entitled luckily turned out to be false.

Naturally most of them left you alone, which was way better than actively bullying you, you just weren´t like them and for the first time it felt like that was fine.

For the first time in your life school wasn´t a horrible place you didn´t want to go to, it was a place where you could study the things that interested you, you finally had fun studying again. And in club times you sat by yourself, doing homework and writing poems.

It was weird how you still had that hobby when it was one of the most major reasons you were bullied in the first place, the contents of your poems were rather dark, which people didn´t like from your experience.

You were always writing something in every free minute you got, even in lunch breaks you stayed inside the class room.

But you liked it that way, you liked being creative, you never thought of it as a negative isolation, rather as not disturbing others.

“What´re you writing?” Tendou has been staring at you for a while now, you just didn´t seem to notice it, you were always so focused on whatever you were writing. It intrigued him, everything about you was vexing to him. You and him have been in the same class ever since the start of the year and yet you never uttered a word to anyone. But you also didn´t seem shy or rude or arrogant, he just couldn´t figure you out. Tendo could read people easily normally, but you were a mystery to him. And you didn´t even give off the attitude of a typical mysterious girl.

You raised your head to meet his eyes, looking at you curiously, he was a weird guy, you had the feeling that he somehow always knew what was going on in people´s minds and that scared you.

His intense gaze scared you and yet his eyes looked rather soft and amused, contradicting the wicked smile he wore.

“Oh...um...nothing special” you answered, subconsciously going into defense. You were used to people making fun of you because of your writing so you didn´t want to say too much.

His grin grew wider, you weren´t used to this much attention so you blushed a bit at his intensity.

“So mysterious!” he rested his chin on his hand, tilting his head slightly, still focused on you.

“Oh, really? I´m sorry” you said, getting embarrassed, this is why you kept to yourself, sometimes you felt like you didn´t know how to talk at all.

You hated it, hated not being able to have a normal conversation with anybody.

But maybe that was why you and Tendou could have one, because you weren´t normal.

“Who said that was a bad thing?” he smirked at you, lowering his voice, his eyes glinting.

Before you could reply anything the lesson started.

It was interesting enough, though you had to admit it was hard to concentrate with Tendo´s eyes piercing you again, it was hard not to notice that, but a little voice in your head still told you that it was nothing, that you just imagined things, that nobody was interested in you in any way.

You only looked back at him when the teacher announced you would be working together for a project.

He gave you a grin again, turning to you.

“So we meet again, mystery girl” he teased you.

You gave him a shy smile, making his eyes go wide.

“Oooh she can smile!” he chuckled.

You crossed your arms, feeling like a little child.

“Of course I can! And I´m no mystery girl, I´m (Y/N). And there´s nothing interesting about me...” you mumbled.

“Girls like you always say that” he remarked, but he knew you weren´t like other girls, his intuition never failed him after all.

“Well, maybe...but that doesn´t change the fact that it´s true. And we should really get started with the project” you said, avoiding his eyes at all cost, they made you feel exposed. Not necessarily in an uncomfortable way, just in an unusual one. It was certainly new to you to be watched this intently.

Tendou obliged and you two worked hard for a while, you were focused on your task until your eyes went wide in embarrassment.

“Oh shit! What´s your name, I totally forgot to ask, I´m so sorry” you rambled, something like could really happen to only you. So much for not knowing how to socialize.

“Tendou Satori, but you can call me Satori” his lips curled into a smirk again, but this time it was softer.

Over the course of the next week you warmed up to him, you managed to relax and collect your thoughts, hell you were so comfortable around him that you started conversations on your own.

And instead of trying to ignore his stare, you now returned it with a smile, which made him happy.

You worked well together and got a good grade for your assignment.

Even after school you stayed in touch, having exchanged phone numbers and texting frequently now. Texting was easier for you since you could control your words that way, you liked yourself better when you wrote or texted, not so much when you talked, not at all when you talked.

Tendou didn´t mind that though, he thought it was one of your many charms, he didn´t make it a secret that he liked you, or so he thought.

It was hard for him to express his feelings that way, he was so used to rejection and dislike that he built walls around himself in that department. He was so confident in his knowledge of people and yet you managed to make him insecure, he just never knew what was going on in your mind and it drove him crazy.

Of course after months of being friends, something that neither of you had had in your entire life, it was easier for him to understand you. But that didn´t mean it got easier for him to understand himself. The two of you shared intimate moments, such as talking about your pasts and you showing him your poetry, he always felt so special in those times, and yet he couldn´t get that nagging feeling out of his gut.

Tendou wasn´t aware that he was even capable of falling in love, but of course you had to prove him wrong.

He first noticed that the feeling wouldn´t go away when you were watching him practice. It wasn´t the first time you accompanied him in the club, after all he too happily obliged when you asked him to teach you about volleyball. But he expected you to focus on Ushijima like all the others, he wouldn´t even blame you if you did.

And you did a certain amount, you could acknowledge his strength but your eyes were always on Tendou. To be honest you knew you had a crush on him for a while now, but decided not to act on it since you thought you were overthinking again.

That feeling didn´t go away however, so instead of telling him, you found your outlet for those feelings in your poetry.

Your eyes were fixed on Tendou as he blocked one ball after another, you were fascinated at how he was able to foresee where the ball would go next, he was always one step ahead of his opponent and you were in awe of that.

“You´re amazing, Satori” you smiled at him excitedly after the training, you went home together.

“Hm...not really, Ushijima´s amazing, he´s the ace after all. I just have good intuition, that´s all” he told you, making you frown.

“Ushijima might be the ace but to me you´re the one that´s the most fun to watch! And...it´s not like you to talk yourself down like that...” you said, you were a bit worried about him lately, he seemed to be in his head a lot.

Tendou gave you a sad smile at that.

“I guess it´s not, but I can´t help but think that they´re right sometimes… that I´m just some weird demon kid that scares everyone away, that I should just stay to myself” you stopped in your tracks, pouting.

“I used to think like that too, but you know what? Yes, you are a weird demon kid, but that´s exactly why I hang out with you, because I´m a weirdo too. And us weirdos gotta stick together, right?” you tried to cheer him up, not one of your strong suits.

“So you´re saying you only hang out with me out of pity? Oh, that´s just great, (Y/N). But if that´s the case then I´d just rather be by myself again” he coldly stated, walking away from you. You didn´t mean it that way, you tried to go after him, explain yourself but your feet wouldn´t move. Why was he angry at you? You didn´t understand. Maybe you pried too much into his life? You went home and texted him that you were sorry. But he didn´t answer.

He also didn´t talk to you in school, he didn´t even look at you. You felt like absolute crap. For the first time in your life you felt utterly alone. And you didn´t like that feeling one bit.

You couldn´t concentrate all day in school, in your lunch break you read over one of your poems about Tendou again.

The strange girl in the back

And the boy who sees through her

Both have something they lack

Found it in each other

His moon and her sun

Mysterious and complex

And yet they resonate

Reading those lines again gave you an idea, you hastily got out a piece of paper and started scribbling down everything that was in your head.

After school, right before training began you managed to catch Ushijima and handed him a note he should give to Tendou saying he should meet him after training.

“Thanks, oh and could you tell him that I´m sorry and that I miss him, please? Wait, not that I miss him… that sounds weird….um, sorry, I´m holding you up!” you rambled and excused yourself.

You were really anxious, so you went to buy a red lily before going back to school. Somehow you doubted that Tendou would show up, he could do so much better than you, he had so many other friends, friends that didn´t fuck things up like you did, friends that could actually formulate what they meant when speaking. And yet there he was, sitting on a bench.

You sat down next to him, he tilted his head to look at you, a big smile plastered on his face, making you raise an eyebrow.

“Ushijima told me that you missed me” he teased you, to which you blushed.

“And honestly, I miss you too. Look, I´m sorry too, I knew you didn´t mean what you said in the way I thought, but a part of me still thinks everyone´s playing with me. But I didn´t want to make things awkward so I just ignored you, which was really stupid and I´m sorry for that” he told you, his head hanging low.

Your hand subconsciously wandered to lay on his shoulder comfortingly, making him raise his head to face your sweet smile.

“You know I suck at talking, so sorry for the misunderstanding. It´s nice to talk to you like that again, I missed this” you admitted, your heart hammering in your chest. Why did you think it was a good idea to confess right now again?

“What´s that?” Tendou pointed to your hand in which you still held the lily.

“Oh, um...that´s for you...” you shyly handed him the flower, earning confusion from him.

You gulped and took a deep breath before speaking the next words.

“Well, um, it´s a red lily and uh...they stand for passion and they….reminded me of you. And um, maybe….to understand it better you should read this. I wrote it for you, I´m better at writing words than actually saying them” you handed him the poem you wrote for him earlier with shaking hands.

Tendou didn´t know what was going on, never would he have imagined you to be so upfront. You really always did manage to surprise him.

You may be a demon

But that only makes me a satanist

The way you read people

Makes me want to be a book

You have my favorite smile

And are so misunderstood

But to me, if that matters

You truly are, everything

“You wrote that for me?” he breathed out, Tendou never felt so touched, nobody ever did such a great thing for him in his entire life and he wanted to cherish this moment forever, he wanted to cherish you forever. Not knowing what else to do, he hugged you.

You nodded, hugging him back with shaking hands. He was so warm, he felt so familiar, like home, his scent instantly calmed you down, you wanted to hold him forever.

“Does that mean you like me too?” he asked, he still wasn´t sure.

Your heart skipped a beat.

“What do you mean ´too´?” you abruptly said, pulling away from him, cheeks flushed.

“Oh shit! Well, um...I mean I kinda like you...no, fuck that, I like you a whole lot, I thought it was obvious” he chuckled awkwardly.

“Well I think my poem made it obvious too, but because you´re an idiot I´ll say it again for you: I like you too, Satori.” you didn´t know where the sudden confidence came from, maybe it was the adrenaline, but now the secret was out. And you didn´t regret it one bit.

[bossyohan]

Seungyoun; Enemies-To Friends-To Lovers (au.)

You and Seungyoun always admired each other

Both having your majors in music and in production/composing, you had a lot of the same classes together

You somehow ended up being in the same classes that were unrelated to your majors also, which meant seeing each other maybe 90% of the time on campus

And the other 10% would be off-campus, when you’d try to find different spots to get your creative flow going

Whether it be the coffee shop, a bench in the park, etc.

You’d think that you were on a first-name basis with him at least, but no

He didn’t acknowledge you at all during these times

And when you all had to share your work in class, there would always be positive feedback from all of the students except for Seungyoun

So you decided not to acknowledge him either

But you do have ears, and it’s clear to you that he’s something of a master at composing

Instrumentals, lyrics, the whole thing

And that makes you a bit insecure, which only makes you try harder with your music

And it makes h i m insecure when he hears how effortlessly brilliant your works sound

So this silent battle of “who is better?” plays out for the whole first semester, and you both excel and succeed on just about the same level

But for the next semester, something changed in the way the class works

Your professor assigned each student a partner to create something together as a final project.

And what were the chances that you and seungyoun got paired together? 100%, apparently

For a while, Seungyoun still didn’t speak to you, so you continued to ignore him also, too stubborn to be the first one

Three weeks passed, and you still had some time to get the project done, but you both still didn’t interact

Until you got a message one day from one of your friends (Yohan)

“Wow, why is Seungyoun asking me for your phone number ☺️”

And for a moment, you forgot that those two had been friends for a while, but he clearly knew the situation between you two

“Probably because we have a project to do?”

“probably? hm.”

“Just give him my number and be quiet.”

“Don’t think I forgot about you saying you have a crush on this ‘kinda rude guy in my class’ y/n” he replied, which you ignored

And a few minutes later, you get a text from an “unknown” number asking to meet you at the campus library

So you start walking to the library, but suddenly start to feel anxious about meeting with him

He’d never spoken to you before this, so you don’t really know how or what to say either

Once you get there, you scan the tables briefly to see him facing his Mac, messing around with a few things on garage band

You walk over and sit in front of him, hoping he notices

And he does, immediately taking off his headphones and looking back at you

There’s a few moments of silence that gets a bit awkward before he asks you

“So…what do you wanna do?”

You shrug, replying with “I don’t know, what do you wanna do?”

And more silence follows

“Well…we can pick a theme first. Do we want light, dark, theatrical, poppy…” he says

“I’m not sure…we have the option to make it into a song instead of just instrumentals too. I know that you sing, so did you want to do that, or?”

“Only if you want to sing too”

“I’m not that great at singing though…” you say, getting embarrassed at just the thought of the attempts you made in the past

“I think your voice is good” he says, now changing your embarrassment into bashfulness

And then, confusion

“When did you hear me sing?” you asked him

He kinda froze, looking straight at you as the words cranked out of his brain and through his mouth

“Just a few times when I’d go to the production room when you were already in there.”

You just nod, trying not to think any more about it

“Well, I guess we can make it a song then. I don’t mind singing.” He said, changing the subject

“Great, so now we pick a theme”

And the theme you pick is dark

Not necessarily dark as in “scary or sad”, but the tempo or energy isn’t as fast paced as most songs are

You want the song to convey a different feeling to everyone

So slowly, but surely, you both collaborate

He suggested using elements from a project that you did in the previous semester, which surprised you that he remembered it at all, being as he seemed uninterested in your presentations

And you recommended to mix your instrumentals together to lead into the chorus, merging your sounds for a major part

Seungyoun excitedly works on it, smiling back at you as it played out exactly the way you two wanted

You mark that as the first time he genuinely smiled at you, making your heart flutter at how cute he looked when he did

Then you think about how he looks when he’s working, lips pouty and cheeks puffed, being cute once again

And then you decide to stop yourself from crushing on him, when the only things you two had ever talked about was about the project

“now really isn’t the time” you think to yourself, shaking your head to focus on what your next steps in the project were gonna be

You’re a few weeks in now, but you two may have gotten carried away

The song was almost done now that he had the lyrics placed perfectly with the instrumentals (after a lot of changes, of course)

So you recommended taking a little break to catch up/focus on your other classes for a while more, which he agreed on

You suggested this mainly to keep your feelings at bay, upset about how you let your heart overpower your mind

Though you two never spoke in the past, he did pay a lot of attention to you, remembering your past work, bringing you your favorite coffee drink when you two were working because he remembered what you had gotten the last time, and a lot more

But you knew that it was absolutely platonic, and that made you a little sad

Yet, you accepted it and carried on

You thought that Seungyoun would’ve actually accepted the break with the project, but he still asked you to meet with him one night at the cafe

And you wanted to say that you were busy, but you clearly would’ve been lying since you caught up on your homework for astronomy already

You expected to find him there with his MacBook open and headphones on, but instead, he was just at a table, surface bare, typing away on his phone

Your face must’ve shown your major confusion, because when he looked up, he asked if you were okay

Nodding, you sat down, unknowingly tapping your foot out of anxiousness

“Where’s your computer?” You asked him

“I left it in my dorm room. We were taking a break, right?” He asked, just as confused as you were

“Oh…I thought you asked me to meet you here to work on the project…” you answered

He paused for a moment, scratching the back of his neck before smiling at you

“I should have said it in the text, but I was just hungry and thought you would’ve wanted something here too. I doubt you ate today. Yohan mentioned you forget to eat sometimes”

And it was true, you did forget to eat dinner, but you wondered why Yohan talked about you to him

Then you realized that Seungyoun asked you here just on friendly terms, finally settling the internal dispute you had of “are we friends or just co-workers?”

So you both ordered, and he payed

And you talked about things other than music, like how you both met Yohan at the most inconvenient but perfect moments, the pets you’ve had, and the infamous “is water wet” question

The conversations lasted for a good hour before you realized that you two were the only ones left and that they’d close the cafe soon

Not wanting to be nuisances, you both left before they closed and just walked back to the dormitories

You didn’t have much else to say until he broke the silence one again

“I’m glad we got paired together. If we didn’t, I’d think you’d still hate me” he said with a sad laugh

You turned to him in shock, immediately saying

“I never hated you! I thought you hated me up until maybe two weeks ago?”

“Two weeks ago? Why?”

“You never reacted to my presentations”

“Neither did you!”

“You also never talked to me in any of the classes we had together”

“Yeah, because you never talked to me”

“Wow…we’re the worst at communicating, huh”

He just laughed at the situation

“I was too scared to react to your compositions. I felt like if I gave any comment or critique, then you’d ruin my life when I presented” he told you

“Are you kidding me? Do you really think that your songs weren’t good? I always dreaded presenting after you because I knew you’d have something amazing. Everyone in the class loved what you made, you know that?” You said, projecting your feelings towards him and his music into “everyone”.

He smiled bigger this time, thanking you quietly for saying so

“Well, knowing that you don’t actually never hated me makes me feel even better than knowing the rest of the class likes my work” he said

Now you were at a loss for words, smiling back at him to maybe fill in the silence with a happy gesture

Days pass by and you get texts here and there from Seugyoun that range from

“Do you think you can help me study for *insert subject here*?”

To

“I really think that giving the ducks on campus bread to eat isn’t good for them”

And you end up being with him a lot, even if it’s unintentional

It got to the point where Yohan made a group chat with the two of you and named it “traitors” since you often forget to ask him to hang out with you both

“Yohan, you’re in class right now”

“Okay, but I could’ve skipped to go and have lunch with you both”

Your relationship with Seungyoun grew really strong super fast, and you’ve somehow managed to keep down the feelings you were having for him before

You thought that being his friend was more that perfect at the moment

Even at the points where you were both stressed, he managed to boost both of your spirits that made you wonder why you were stressed in the first place

Until one incident happened

Once you two started working on the project again, everything had gone smoothly

He recorded his voice, and you edited it in with the background music.

You asked him to listen back on it, hoping he’d catch any editing mistakes you may have made

Seungyoun listened, nodding his head as he smiled at the distortions you added for a new effect.

“I really don’t have to fix anything. You did great, as always” he said, pausing the track to talk to you

Just as you were about to reply, the lights dimmed a bit in the studio.

And the systems shut down.

Seungyoun just stared at the dead screen, waiting for it to boot up, but you could tell that he was irritated

Once it fully turned back on, he immediately went to check on the file

Which wasn’t there

And so he stares blankly at the screen again, a million things going through his mind about what just happened

“I…don’t think the file saved, y/n, I’m sorry” he said sadly, clicking on different folders to see if it was maybe saved somewhere else

“What? No, it’s fine! I saved it on my drive before you put yours in, remember?” You told him as you pulled it out of your pocket

The look of relief on his face as he stood up and hugged made you laugh, glad that you thought ahead before a disaster hit

“God…why are you so great?” He asked, finally letting go of you

You just shrugged and smiled, going to put the drive back in to listen to the song again, but before you could, heard him say

“I could really kiss you right now”

And you try not to think about what he had said, but it’s obviously hard not to when the statement was as bold as it was

You just assumed that he was joking with you, because, well, he just does that sometimes

So you turned back answered with a laugh

“Yeah. The same to you”

And deep down inside, you meant that, no matter how hard you tried to ignore the scratching sensation of your true emotions dying to burst out of your heart

You thought that it would eventually go away, until you felt his hand resting on your cheek, and then his warm lips on yours

Now this was the time your own mind went blank, trying to process what was happening

And when you finally did, you didn’t waste a second to kiss back

When you broke apart, you tried evening out your breath to ask him

“If I didn’t say I wanted to kiss you too, what would you have done?”

“I would’ve asked if I could. And then you’d say yes, and I’d kiss you” he said with a serious look on his face before cracking out a laugh

And you pushed him slightly for that

“How would you have known I’d say yes?”

“I mean, when you tell people like Yohan a secret, it never stays a secret, you know?”

You just raise an eyebrow at him before realizing what he meant

“So you knew I had a crush on you this whole time? And never said or did anything about it?”

“I had to be sure! It was a while ago that he told me, I didn’t know if you were already with someone else”

“I think you would’ve know. We literally saw each other everywhere, remember?”

He just nodded and smiled

“Well. We could make up for that time now if you wanted to…date? Maybe?”

“Of course, Seungyoun”

“Woah, really?” He said, his smile a thousand times bigger now

“Yes! Did you think I’d say no?”

“I honestly didn’t think this far in” he told you, making you laugh this time

You thought for a moment before telling him

“Let’s not tell Yohan about this yet, unless you’re ready for him expecting us to thank him for ‘setting us up’”

“True. Even though he kinda did…”

“Yeah, but he’s still just getting over the fact that we became friends and forgot to invite him with us places”

“…Right. He can wait a bit”

[autumnpleaves]

can you tell me about your friends? -C (you dont have to)

Ooh! Sure, C! No problem! Hmm, since it doesn’t really specify which ‘friends’ you’re talking about, I’m going to talk about IRL and online ones! XD 

This is gonna be a long one, but only because I love, appreciate, and care for my friends :) 

So let’s start with my... 

IRL friends ^-^

I won’t be using their ‘real names’ so... meh. 

First up we have Eggen! :) 

She’s such a joy to be around (no this is not sarcastic). She has this weird fluctuating emotions sometimes and it’s scary to deal with (but not as scary as Jessie-). Funny story about how we actually met was that we had this conjoining class in Ext. Maths and she was from another class. I was still a new student then, so I wasn’t really familiar with anyone and my friends from *my* class were in Ext. Maths too, and were friends with Eggen, hence we all had this weird group thingy at one portion of the classroom and we hung out together. 

Now see, here, we weren’t really *friends* then. More like acquaintances XD 

BUT- 

I texted her because I saw in her profile, that she was a *HUFFLEPUFF* (which is different now, because it didn’t fit anymore- She’s a slytherin now :)) and I texted her saying “OH MY GOSH! YOU’RE A HUFFLEPUFF TOO?!!” I was a dork. It was stupid. And she replied “Haha, yeah...” and lemme tell you, I’m surprised why she’s still my friend to this day XD 

She’s improved a lot since then, and I am honestly quite frankly really *really* proud of her. She’s grown a lot (literally, coz she’s short and metaphorically, coz she’s so talented and skilled and smart now! [Not that she wasn’t smart before, just saying, definitely you can see progress]) She’s talented in drawing, ballet, has great ideas, really hard working, productive, one of the most inspirational person I know :) I’m glad to call her my friend :D 

(Only I get to call her Eggen though 0-0 ANyONe else who dares, will get a smack from me-) ALSO did I mention she likes to torture people by throwing her erasers at them? It’s funnnn memories :’) 

Next up we haveeeee Lizze!!

Lizze now this one, I didn’t meet until like... at least a year after Eggen. Honestly. Don’t judge me, our school is biiggggggg. She had long hair then. At first I see her here and there, and it was pretty chill. Nothing too... ya know- friendsy just like oh yeah I recognize you. We were in the same scholarship program! So that was fun! :) 

We didn’t officially properly meet until like a year after though, and well let’s just say it was fun. She’s one of the only friends I was able to rope into watching Sanders Sides with me and is also a huge geek nerd XD  She’s ALSO REALLY REALLY HECKING TALENTED IN WRITING?! LIke WHAT?! WHo even?! 

Yeah, such a great friend. She’s one of the people I go to when in need of any writing advice, or just advice in general! She really gives that second opinion and really takes things into account and I’m really just plain glad to call her my friend. I love her so much and like we would discuss and hang out sometimes on VC late into the night and it’d be funny watching her trying to navigate around her messy room :’) Ahh! Fun times XD 

Then we have... NICO!! :) 

Nico... was my first ever friend. Literally. In the new school. I’m gonna lay down the scenario XD

I walked into class on orientation day, not aa lot of students were there yet, I was early (for once). Nico was sitting on the left side of a table (we had two student tables) two rows from the back, near the windows. I walked in and was like Hm. Where should I sit? So I Decided that I wasn’t gonna be a wimp and decided to walk and sit next to Nico. He was also surprisingly a new student, so we kinda like related for a bit XD 

Flashforward and Nico is one of my close friends? I mean he’s there and he’s fun to hang out with XD (I don’t do labels, sorry XD) We would joke around, play around, and he’s just a great fella all around! It’s just sometimes people might make fun of him and he’d get insecure sometimes, which makes me sad and yeah! Favorite memories with him would always be in Ext. Math. We’ve landed in the same class (coz we switch around every year) like twice and everytime it’d be the same! And well every time in Math I would ‘show off’ my amazing math skills and he’d try to compete with me. It was fun every time. *dreamy sigh* 

I miss the competitions really. We’d compete to see who would finish first, who would do what part, and when either of us are confused we would annoy the other to get the answer XD I miss him :’) 

Then we get... JILL! :D 

Jill was another friend I met in my first year at the school. At first, she used to hang out with this other friend because they were stuck to each other since like primary, but slowly they drifted (which in my opinion might be for the best 😬) 

She’s an otaku. A pure bred otaku. I had to deal with her anime fanatic years for like... 3 years and counting now. Why. But she’s wonderful and drawing and would always have this bad habit of drawing on anything and literally whatever surface she finds. The desk, her notebooks, her test papers, her *SKIN*, *MY* skin, her WATER BOTTLE (like what THE HECK- JILL?!) but like, it’s endearing XD 

She’s great at complaining and hates hugs. She also hates mangoes- (If you remember what my catchphrase was? Yeah the, “GUESS WHAT? JILL HATES MANGOES” yeah it’s this Jill XD) I’m not joking. She’s great at complaining XD 

Funny story is that once we had to do this video project thing and we just had Jill complain about the amount of homework we had to like compare stuff and what not, and she did it. IN ONE BREATH. NO HESITATIONS. NO SCRIPT. ONE TAKE. WE were all DYING after that XDDD Coz she’s literally known as a complainer and she has great logic skills. She also really LOVES money... so... i mean... yeah. She’s really like... conservative with her money but isn’t afraid to use it to spoil others, but not herself XD 

Finally but not the last (I got more friends, but I don’t really... connect with them enough?) is BEEP! (no this is not her actual name, I just don’t really call her by her real name much) 

The OG friend from first day of school! Nico? YEah Step ASIDE BRO! XDD This gal is my go-to cuddle buddy. LIterally. Our moms are kinda like... besties? (*shrugs* it’s complicated) so we kinda do a lot of things together XD We go to gym together, go to places together, road trip together. She’s a joy to be around. She is like the cuddliest and well usually she does get teased about for being fluffy but like that’s the best part about her 🥺. Her mom is also really picky about her appearance which as her friends, we were pretty annoyed by it, but I love her the way she is :) 

First day of school and she walked by and asked to sit next to me. I said yes, without looking at her, coz I was *shy* (shush). Then we had an ice-breaker thing and LMAO guess what we bonded on- 

FRICKING HARRY STYLES AND WATTPAD- (look, if you’ve been on wattpad, you’d know that Harry Styles stories on there is never really... safe. in a sense.) SO, we’d immediately bonded over that and literally the rest of the day was history. We’d go through class everyday together and it would be a blast, OF COURSE she had other friends and I had mine, we weren’t really in the same ‘stereotypical’ group (like she has the more... *mean girls* kinda group [I’M NOT SAYING SHE’S MEAN! But, I’m saying that they have the popular group- yeah there that XD]) 

I had my own group but we hang anyways because it’s fun. She has the most beautiful laugh, like... literally the loudest and beautiful-est laugh ever XD We have so many inside jokes. She’d hold on to them and start laughing randomly XD She cries a lot when she laughs so that always spurs us to continue laughing, gosh damn it, I miss her. I’m smiling so hard writing this. 

XDD

Aight! That’s from my IRL friends! 

Next we have my online friends! :DDD

First up, we have YAWN! :D

Yawn is quite frankly, the first person I ever actually connected to on Tumblr here XD 

I’ve been through tens and hundreds of discord servers, jumped in tumblr group chats, and no where have I ever met anyone as wonderful as Yawn. Literally. 

I would say we pretty much clicked and when *she* (look I asked okay. they said yes to all pronouns so- >:3 I’m going to have fun with it XD) expressed xeir love for PUNS of all things, literally, I was shooketh. SO I LITERALLY SPAMMED HIM WITH ALL THE PUNS I COULD THINK OF- ANd then HE LITErally PropOSEd- XDDD I don’t know man. It’s amazing :’) I don’t know how I got this lucky. 

Yawn is like that refreshing giddiness you have as a child when you see a new toy or something. Yeah that’s Yawn. Literally every time we text it’s just so damn wholesome and so fun and it’s great! We’d talk about the most random things ever and it’d be amazing :))

Hhhhhhhhhhh, I’m just so damn proud of zem. LIke. Literally. Xir has come so far, and like... we haven’t really met for long yet but I just care about xir sooooooooooooooo much. It has always been there for me and I’m just so appreciative of it. We have so many- *WHEEZE* inside jokes- XDDD 

One I can think of is literally “I run you, Shakespeare” and it’s HILARIou- XDDDDDDDDDDDD

I can’t- It’s beautiful XD 

I just can’t believe that our friendship literally started with me just sucking up my anxiety and just texting people stuff and I honestly don’t know how it continued from there- XD 

They are the most accepting person I know. Genuinely. I don’t know where I’d be without them :’) 

Next we have... VOMMY! :DDD Or C-Gal... We gotta bring that nickname back XD 

First of all, we met in a Fander Pride Meet Up server. VOmmy CAN SPEAK DUTCH and is SOO CREATIve and SO FRIckING Hard WOrking and such an inspiration. Always greets us and is always down for hugs and cuddles XD 

Such a great tea friend, and has like the best aesthetic ever- literally. So old and vintage like a vintage mom and always down to talk about stuff! Ze is soooooo smart as well! And would infodump sometimes when ze’s not busy about stuff that I absolutely adore and love to hear about! Honestly the best vommy ever and ze has PLANTS like- *Woooooooooo!* 

We met vommy and literally we can always geek out with zem. Sometimes life gets hard and we need to scream it out every now and then, and vommy would be there :))) 

I am so proud of zem and just so damn happy to call zem my friend uwu 

ALSO HAVE I MENTIONED THAT ZE CAN SING AND PLAY THE UKE AND WRITE SONGS LIKE WHAT THE HECK THAT’S EPIC AH

Then we haveeeeee... STARBURST! OR BOB THE BUILDER!

ANOTHER friendo we met in the Fander Pride Meet Up Server (seriously a lot of cool friendos there). One of the best advice givers and the most caring older sibling ever. Literally. Like I can’t stress this enough. He’s such a great cousin duck and just a great listener friendo ever. 

Such a fricking talented writer and MUSICIAN AND FRICKING ARTIST LITERALLY THE WHOLE SHEBANG IT’s RIDICulOUS 

I’m literally so proud of him. It’s crazy. He’s always been there for us, all of us. And is there to provide hugs and arms to cry on. ALSO HAVE I EVER MENTIONED HOW BEAUTIFUL HE IS??! LIKE WHAT THE HECK- AHhhhhHHHHHH

SO BEAUTIFUl- and PRETTY and GORGEOUS 

Next we haveeeeeee- POPPY the POPTART! :D 

First time we met in the Fander Pride Meetup, I may of may not have offended them. 0-0 

woops. 

I still feel really bad about that honestly. Uhhh, anyways, I won’t go too in depth on that. BUT ANYWAYS- 

THEy Have been such a WONDERFUL presence in my life. LIterally. LIke They have such an cheerful vibe ever and would never fail to make me laugh or like coo or like anything coz they are soooo ADORABLE! They are also like really great cuddler and hugger and sooooo sooooo sooooo handsome :DD

Sure there are rough patches in their lives, but I adore them and am sooo sooo soo proud of them for being able to go through it and still come out with their heads high and just so damn happy that they will not give up that easily. I really admire their strength, and we are always there to support if they need help :) 

Also, go check out @/poptartsaysurloved pinned post. See if anyone is willing or can help! :) 

Next we have... ATLAS! Or LAssie as I like to call him XD

He’s one of the screaming cereal that I most definitely did not meet in the Fander Pride Meet Up and instead in another server and I’m glad to have met him XD 

I don’t know the *exact* thing I texted him, but I definitely remember asking him about something in his status and I most definitely was satisfied with my answer and we just started talking in DMs for a bit, before I invited him in to the screaming cereal bowl server! :D 

IT IS A BLAST 

LITERALLY 

ARSon kid can’t go a day without wanting to blow something up and frankly I’m concerned but such a great friendo

Provider of memes, jokes, laughs, hugs, cuddles, and fun time XD 

I can’t even, it’s crack head moments every time with that lassie XD 

AHHHHHHHHHHHH FINALLY but obviously not the LAST W E HAVE HEDGIE the ShellY HOGGLES

HONESTLY I LOVE THIS GURLY SOHECKING MUCH 

She deals with my bull crap every day kind of and deals with a bunch of my mushy feelingsy moments! I can’t stress enough. Literally Shelly McScotty over here is like the most relatable person ever. Mood all the way and we have like SOO MANY SIMILAR INTERESTS 

IT’s CRAZY! When I first found out that she watches like Unus Annus, Winx Club (SHOOSH IT’S A GOOD SHOW SHUSH) Literally, I’m like this is the best person ever. She’s also knowledgeable in a lot of stuff and is literally like the best person to go to when you need to get like informational stuff

Literally. I would info dump on her and she’d be such a great listener. Fricking Disney and Potterhead GEEK of the decade. HOly heck this lady is the literal embodiment of a disney princess. FIRST OF ALL, PERSONALITY IS THERE. SECOND OF ALL, HER LOOKS! HAVE YOU SEEN? LITERALLY SO DROP DEAD GORGEOUS ON FLEEK MAKEUP! AHHHHHh

I can’t get enough of this dude. Gives great advice and insight on soooo many things and I’m just so glad to have met this gurl. I don’t know how exactly we met, but I’m glad we did. 

MIND YOU most of my friends are either from Tumblr or Discord so XD 

AHHHHHHHHh

Welp! This was a fun! I definitely spent wayyyyyyyyy too long on this thing, but it’s worth it! XD 

Hope you have fun learning about my friends from like a freaking geeking out stand point Canon! :D 

I have a feeling you wouldn’t read through this entire thing, so well... AH! Hope you have a nice day and don’t sleep too late! Tell me about your friends as well! :))  

[primad0nna]

My Everything || Valk/Ela

Valkyrie and Ela oneshot in which Valk visits her beautiful girlfriend and asks her an important question. { written for my amazing gf @gay-for-iq <3 }

This post contains: Drug usage, mentions of NSFW content, and lotsa fluff

Her house smelled like weed, which wasn’t out of the ordinary. Getting high was a hobby of Ela’s and she admired it. It brought her back to the days where Valk and Ela would sit in Valkyrie’s backyard and share a blunt or two, giggling at anything and everything. On the weekends they’d always go out longboarding then at sunset they’d go to their favourite secluded spot by the lake, pull out a bong and smoke until the stars came out. Valk inhaled deeply and set her backpack on the kitchen table, a single rose in hand, exhaling with a grin on her face. There was loud music blaring from the speakers, the beat sounding familiar. Once she realized it was Run Wild by Thutmose she started grooving her way to the living room. Ela was playing the air guitar in her sports bra and PJ pants. It was cute; something nobody really gotta see.

“Having fun?” She raised an eyebrow at Ela, twirling the flower in her hand.

“Can’t hear you.” Ela replied back, still jamming to her song.

Ela was a free spirit off duty and also very creative. Every painting on Ela’s wall was made by either Ela herself or from one of her favourite painters. There was a particular painting Valkyrie liked. It had two naked girls painted on it in a very provocative pose Nobody else really knew it was the two of them except for her, Ela, and the artist. Everything in Ela’s house was different and very unique. She had a modern look but some of her shit was oddly shaped and that’s what she liked. Ela was very unique and once you really got to know her off duty, she was a beautiful human being... who could also punch your teeth in.

The way Ela moved was smooth and on beat. Valk liked to joke and say she could dance better than any other white girl she’s seen. That always ended with Ela chuckling and shaking her head. The song ended and the green haired girl paused her music. “You’re late, you know.” Ela raised an eyebrow, waltzing over to her girlfriend, taking the rose out of her hand.

“Sorry, babe, the florist, uh..” Valk scratched the back of her neck.

Oh god it was that beautiful smile Ela gave her when Valk did something small like this. It always made her heart flutter and her knees weak.

“Well, English wasn’t her first language. Let’s just leave it at that.” She could feel the hearts bubbling around her and her arms began shaking. This girl made her weak, as previously stated before, and her mind foggy. Ela was on her mind all day and sometimes she’d miss important details to missions just because her mind was elsewhere... But it was all worth it.

“Hm.” Ela let her playlist shuffle. 

Oh no.

I’ll Still Have Me by CYN started playing. It was such a beautiful song and she was surprised Ela even had it on her playlist. Ela must have stolen it from Valk’s playlist while she wasn’t looking. Sure Valk seemed like one of the boys but she did love her slow songs too. Valk offered a hand and persuaded her to dance with a sweet smile. Ela gladly took her hand and swayed to the beat. Valk looked deep into Ela’s eyes, sighing happily. Ela was her safe place and her home. She was her person. 

“I’m surprised your hair isn’t in that tiny ponytail.” Valk raised an eyebrow at her, admiring the messy hair she had. 

“Oh you missed it, darling, it was up for a little bit but it must’ve fallen out while I was napping.” Ela shrugged. 

“You look-”

“If you’re going to tell me I look beautiful, you’re going to get punched.”

“Well, I was going for ‘adorable’ but that works too.” Valk scrunched her nose. 

There it was; the chuckle and head shake. And just like that her knees felt like they were going to give out on her. Her hands were definitely shaking and she knew Ela could tell. Ela wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s neck, head resting on her neck. You know, the typical slow dance. Valk placed her hands on Ela’s hips and buried her face into Ela. Every human being has their own scent and Ela’s was her favourite smell in the world. It was so comforting and it made her feel like everything was going to be okay.

For the time being it didn’t feel like time was going at all. These are the moments Valk loved. Having her girlfriend close to her and in such an intimate way just felt so right. 

I will see you in part of me and who I was back then If I don’t have you, at least I still have me. And if I don’t have you, at least I still have me.

“What’s the rose for?” Ela whispered, rubbing her finger on the stem and letting her thumb break off one of the thorns.

“Do you remember that promise I made about sending you a rose for everything I love about you?”

“You’re still adding on? I should at least have a 10 by now.”

“Two dozen, now, actually.”

“Hmm, then what’s today’s?”

“You feel my hands shaking? That’s because of your smile. I love the smile you give me when I say something stupid or romantic. Whenever you smile it’s like the heavens are telling me that it’s safe and the world will be all right.” Valk’s cheeks were a bright pink and she could feel it.

Ela’s head was filled with all the reasons she loved her and she could feel a smile creeping along her lips.

This first one is simple. I love your style. 

You’re unlike anyone I know and you’re your own person.

You don’t let anyone control you and you take charge when you feel like something could possibly fail.

You’re very creative and talented in the arts. I could never draw and I admire you when you’re painting. You’re so focused and determined to get your drawings just the way you want it.

You might be a professional soldier but you still pushed to keep your hair colour. That’s so beautiful.

You can handle yourself well.

This is a touchy one but even though your father didn’t favour you like he did Zofia, you still love him like he did and visit his grave when you can. Especially on Father’s Day.

Your skin is so soft and it’s so delicate. I could suck on your skin lightly and you’ll get a mark so easily. I’m surprised your concealer can cover up all the hickeys I’ve given you. That leads to my next five. I love the way you moan in my ear while I’m fucking you. I love how you whimper while I’m eating you out. I love when your legs shake afterwards and you walk like you’re drunk. I love your lips on mine and my skin. Most of all, I love how you whisper ‘I love you’ even when you’re out of breath.

I love how you we can laugh at scary movies together and how dumb people are. You know, because they haven’t had military training like we have. I’m pretty sure that person would be dead in minutes if they crossed us.

I love your face on Christmas when you open the gifts I picked out for you. You don’t take things for granted and it’s not about what I’ve gotten you. It’s the thought that counts and you appreciate every little thing.

I love the way your face lights up when your favourite artists post new projects.

This one might be odd but I love how you fight. The way you, well we, but it was mainly you, beat that dude’s ass at the bar for calling us faggots and abominations. That was hot. You are so strong.

You’re a great solider and your aim is impeccable.

You’re very independent and you don’t need me or anyone but you want us to stay.

You’re so good with kids when they approach you and ask you about your hair. It was cute when the little girl asked when the pictures were gonna appear on her skin and when her hair is going to turn green. Also how you interact with my little niece is adorable.

You don’t notice this one but when you really get focused on something you stick your tongue out and suck on your lips.

You always leave an extra tip to add on what I give. My favourite game we play is “Tip the Bill” and even then you do it.

You always offer the last hit even if I say ‘I’m done for now’. 

By the time Ela was done daydreaming about all the roses she has received, the song was over and Valk had taken her chin with her index finger and thumb and looked deep into her eyes. 

“You’re my world and my rock. Nothing could ever come between us. And now I think it’s time for you to know how I really feel.” Valkyrie placed a small kiss upon Ela’s lips.

“This has been the best 5 years of my life and I know I’ve said this before but I couldn’t be happier. You are so kind, badass, and just amazing. You’re everything I could ever ask for. I love you and all of your flaws. Everything has fallen into place just perfectly. We have gone through all the good and terrible. We might fight and it might get ugly at times but we always make sure to never go to bed upset. I hope you can forgive me for everything I have done, which I know you have already but it’s nice to know that you’ll say it, and every mean thing we have swapped to each other. And I am so very happy you got the house you’ve been eyeing for a while. It fits you well. You’re the woman of my dreams and my prayers have been answered.” Meghan knelt down on one knee and pulled out a ring from her jacket pocket, looking up at her girlfriend lovingly. “Elżbieta Bosak, will you make my last dream come true and be my wife?”

Ela gasped and turned a bright red, covering her mouth with one hand. She screamed and nodded her head. “Of course!” She exclaimed. This day couldn’t have gotten any better.

Valkyrie put the ring on her now fiancee’s finger and got up, cupping Ela’s cheek and kissing her deeply. A single happy tear streamed down Ela’s face as she kissed Valk just as passionately. It felt like her soul had left her body and burst into fireworks. Now it was Ela’s turn to feel weak in the knees. The rest of the night was spent watching movies and smoking as much weed as their lungs could handle. 

[gwoongi]

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 | teacher!hoseok

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 jung hoseok / reader teacher + expecting parents au! genre: fluff fluff fluff (and a lil baby bit of smut) + bullet fic version :) words: 26k (so maybe read this on a laptop but if you insist on a phone then don’t say i didn’t warn you!!!!)

warnings: graphic language, smidge of nsfw content, student/teacher relationship, jung hoseok being the best boyf and parent ever :(

a/n: y/n is legal !!! hoseok is the typical cliche young teacher !!! i love this story a lot (i plan to write it in full soon!!! just whenever i have time teeheehee) ((also im really sorry the balloons look demonic idk what happened and honestly. too lazy to edit it)) (((this fic is a MONSTER!!! i’m sorry in advance!!!)))

disclaimer: as per freaking usual, keep reading does not work on mobile. i am so sorry because this is SO LONG and big but its ok :( because it’s dad hoseok :( 

(gif is not mine!)

happy new year (as a starting note!) i was gone for a long, long time on this blog and did actually consider getting rid of it entirely, however, i’m back to share things that i love and hopefully, you can all enjoy the things i create also. i don’t usually write like this, but i saw a variety of writers adopt a “bullet-list-style” of writing, which i found to be quite efficient. i am the world’s slowest writer and so writing like this actually helps me publish a lot of my ideas without feeling the pressure of writing out like 300k word fics that honestly get ignored. regardless, here’s my first post (technically) of the new year. (this idea has been in my drafts since the “cosykims” days, and og followers will recognise the title.)

now i don’t care what you say, every single school, college or university has that one teacher who is just way too young to actually be a teacher

you briefly remember high-school, with your physics teacher who was just way too young- like borderline could be a student themselves, and yet here they were with their rainbow stationery set teaching you the speed that light travels

and it’s universally known that some people are like child geniuses and end up graduating university aged three or something really bizarre and crazy

(obvs sarcasm)

so, for the love of god...why was there no young hot professor for you to spy on during your lectures

you’re currently a second year uni student, studying visual arts

which, by the way, is awesome

you started off initially very interested in just drawing, but taking modules in sculpting was something you actually found yourself loving and, not to brag, but you’re also pretty good at photography

like as a kid you could probably be found eating crayons and snorting felt fumes like you were an art junkie

kids in your classes were asking for leapfrogs or action figures for christmas but here you were asking for a £300 pencil colouring set along with a “by numbers” colouring book

picasso is shaking rn

like...funny how leonardo da vinci hasn’t released any new artwork since you were born….hm inch resting

“y/n. you, me, some other people, smirnoff and dr pepper, house party, saturday night, is it a yes, or is it a yes?”

jeongguk has been your best friend since your first semester at university; he also took visual arts and does extremely well in all areas, particularly photography and cinema/media study. ever since you partnered together after both being the first ones to turn up to the first class, you’ve been stuck together like glue, even going as far as to rent out a flat together for your second year (along with three other people, just to make the rent easier)

“uh, actually, no, i can’t, as tempting as that whole ordeal sounds.”

“but then when am i gonna see you?”

“i literally see you every day, we LIVE TOGETHER..”

“it’s not the same thing!!”

every saturday for you is the “flat 18 party night” which literally translates to the day that your entire flat go out to any party they can get invited to and just get smashed

it started off as a you and jeongguk thing but then when you moved into flat 18 at the start of your second year, it became a you, jeongguk, haseul, jimin and seunghee thing, and by extension, a year 2 uni student party since the rest of your flatmates found the need to invite all their other friends

basically it was the only day of the week where you were really granted a day off

and jeongguk really fucking loved party night saturdays

“well, what’s the reason then?”- the two of you are currently on your way to your last class of the day; it’s a sort of orientation day for upcoming students who can’t attend the open days next weekend, and so your visual arts professor (who happens to be an actual BEAST) ended up cancelling afternoon classes to help another professor sort out the gym

“family wedding sort of thing,” you explain as you walk. “if i could get out of it, trust me, i wouldn’t. i don’t know if my kidneys can handle another night of drinking. i hadn’t recovered from saturday until wednesday!”

“i’m pretty sure it’s your liver that gets affected by alcohol, but go off i guess...”

“ANYWAYS so yeah i’m sort of maybe like head bridesmaid and i have to be there so….yeah….can't make it :(”

jeongguk then discovers that the wedding is for one of your cousins that you were always really close to, and so even when he’s still really bummed out about you not being there for the “big shindig” he lets it go

especially because he of all people knows that you’ve never been particularly close with all of your family members and it’s only very recently that you got back in touch with them all (just after your first year of uni, to be precise) and he knows how much it means to you

haseul is one of the only other person in your flat who is an “art” major

she actually studies theatre and performing arts but she likes to still be in on the art grind with you and guk

(fun fact: the trio of you called yourselves “art attack” as a funny joke and all have printed art attack door signs in the flat)

haseul always always always tries to wait for both of you after classes because the performance hall and practise rooms are like RIGHT THERE and she’s sort of a little creature of habit and after waiting once or twice it just became a natural thing

today though she’s not waiting because apparently seunghee is doing a biology project and needed help moving it and setting it all up in the labs and haseul was free and so offered her services

usually if you’re free, anyone of you will wait for each other after classes

haseul usually waits for you and guk and then sometimes you guk and haseul go to get seunghee and jimin, especially on thursdays and fridays since they are sort of the weekday party dates

“are we going to see the project after class?”

you glanced up from your canvas stained with reds and blues towards jeongguk who actually hasn’t even looked up from his own drawing, still painting the still life ugly ass vase in the middle of the room

class is actually really quiet today, which makes sense because it’s a friday and there’s always, you know for a fact, a student union get together on thursday evenings and half the uni abuse it and get hammered

and so uni is literally DEAD the next morning

“um yes of course I really wanna see her volcano in action okay i helped make that.”

“technically we all helped make it...”

“well nobody ASKED YOU FOR YOUR OPINION.”

eventually your class ends early because it’s literally just you guk and some other kid who doesn’t talk to anybody and so you and guk decide to head over to the biology labs in the science department

judging by the time, their class should actually be over but knowing seunghee and her stubbornness, her volcano is most definitely still there shooting little rocks onto the floor

rightly predicted because seunghee stands really proud next to her dodgy looking volcano that everyone in flat 18 helped make while off their rockers 

and haseul is awkwardly sitting on a stool to the other side, admittedly on her phone playing zepeto or whatever

“tell me it isn’t the best volcano you’ve ever seen!”

“seunghee, baby, it’s so cute, i LOVE the way it’s literally falling apart!!” jeongguk and seunghee have a super loving friendship, sometimes you sit back and think they’d be the cutest couple on planet earth and then you realise that its GUK and HEE and you wanna erase that thought from your head

guk takes a really quick pic on his phone so he can show jimin, who would definitely complain otherwise because “i literally painted the whole thing brown i think that deserves recognition!”

“please tell me it got a passing grade” 

you sort of need seunghee’s volcanic mess to have passed because you did not have to hear her talk about how excited she was to present her volcano that actually burned things if you put it close enough for six days straight, just for it to flop and get nothing

“i personally loved the reinvented cliche of the volcano model, so i actually gave it higher than passing.”

you turn almost embarrassingly quickly

because

well

you know that voice

everybody with brain cells knows that voice

cause like

professor jung is literally THE biology professor

like he’s the king of biology

you have to admit to yourself that you were secretly so happy when guk made friends with seunghee through jimin (a physics major) because you knew through the grapevine that seunghee was a student in professor jung’s class and everybody and anybody knows that professor jung is the Daddy of biology

like he’s so gorgeous and inventive and creative and passionate and sometimes you just sit there and think “why the fuck didn't i take biology??”

and then you remember that the only thing that helped you get through high school biology was the fact that seo youngho (god bless his soul) sat next to you and gave you all his answers on internal exams

he’s also one of THOSE professors

like he’s one of the cliche fanfiction Young Genius professors

granted he’s still a solid four years older but still, it’s in the legal age frame and he’s still remarkably young to be a uni professor and that’s what you tell yourself when you feel guilty about thirsting over him and the way he looks so damn sexy in that white lab coat and black turtleneck

ANYWAY

when you see him you kind of flush and look away

it’s not obvious that you like him tbh, because you’ve by now mastered to keep it under control unless around flat 18 and incredibly dangerously drunk

that of course doesn’t stop guk from smirking next to you and giving you little nudges which is, quite frankly, annoying as FUCK

tbh flat 18 know you thirst over professor jung and so they waste no time trying to bring it up deliberately, but you’re not obvious at showing you like him in front of him

cause he’s popular and definitely has a group of girls in seunghee’s class who like him a lot and giggle obnoxiously like its high school

you’re not THAT desperate

“oh, good, because i didn’t want it to be a waste of my time.”

he raises a brow

“...becAUse i had to listen to seunghee talk about how good her project was all week. HERS, that she worked on totally alone. like i didnt even know she was doing a project- wow, seunghee, did you make this volcano? wow hahah look at that guys!”

not that professor jung even cares that she got help

seunghee is the only student who respects his crazy biology analogies and jokes so she’s naturally one of his faves

“yeah, and, prof jung didn’t give us homework so im completely free for tomorrow’s big shindig.” seunghee says, still smiling really proudly

“first of all why is everybody saying shindig, second of all i cant go to that so im sorry please don’t post it on snapchat because it will hurt my feelings that you’re having fun without me” and everyones like :) and then like :O :(

bear in mind professor jung is literally still here, he’s just by his desk tidying up only half listening because kids are wild these days and he doesn’t remember having half as much fun when he was in university

“um. WHAT why???? you know saturdays are our days like those are the days we actually get to see you because you’re always in your room sleeping or working”

“that’s not true at all, that’s very inaccurate...”

“you literally watched all 7 seasons of game of thrones in less than three days two weeks ago and i dont think i saw you once during that time”

valid point

“im at a wedding :( and i cant miss it :( even for dr pepper and vodka :( im sorry :(”

at that point professor jung scares you all back into reality. “oh wow that’s so weird because i’m at a wedding too this weekend, actually. wouldn’t that be so weird if we were at the same wedding?”

please be at the same wedding as me “omg imagine that ahhaahha”

but then you realise that’s just not realistic

and even if it was realistic for professor jung hoseok to attend your cousin’s wedding then nothing would happen because weddings are big and busy and you like barely know professor jung beyond making small-talk with him when you’re waiting for seunghee to hurry up and pack away all three of her pencil cases after classes

you actually forgot how stressful weddings are

the last wedding you went to was your aunt’s wedding when you were like five and you were a little flower girl who ruined all the wedding photos by covering her ears and scrunching up her face because the church bells were really fucking loud

which as a kid you thought was perfectly valid, but now that you’re twenty turning twenty one you realise how annoying it must be to have a mongrel child pulling ugly faces at the front of your precious wedding photos

“remind me to never ever get married”

your mom kinda just looks at you and frowns

“i remember when i got married i had my maid of honour and bridesmaids do everything for me so i was actually really relaxed. maybe when you get wifed up you’ll be the same”

wise words from mrs l/n that you’ll probably forget within the next five minutes!

even though it’s so infuriating sorting out the brides big ass dress and making sure that the designated flower girl (who btw is not as good as you were aged 5 dressed in pink and wearing barbie trainers) doesn’t spill all the goddamn petals onto the floor before the aisle, you find that the ceremony is actually really kinda beautiful and touching and yES, maybe the vows made you tear up a little bit

and you bARELY remember the greeting ceremony afterwards which is basically another way of saying “wait for us to get back while we sign these papers” which is also another way of saying It’s time for all the guests to awkwardly wait around and not do anything

you literally haven’t met a single person from the groom’s side of the family and you’re not really interested in doing so until the after party

like most after parties this one is pushed up in a hired out room near the venue and it’s dark and slightly sweaty and hey, at least the food is nice and OMG they have baby sausage rolls

after obviously talking to your family for a little bit, you occupy your time by the snacks and the bar just kind of moving between the two

yknow just minding your own business

“woah, they have tiny sausage rolls, too?”

oh god

you instantly turn around like its deja vu or something

there is no way that professor jung is standing right there at your COUSINS wedding like its no big deal

“...prof JUNG?? omg what are you doing here??”

“i jinxed it! the groom is actually one of my family friends. yeah, he’s been like best friends with my sister since they were in school and so we were close growing up.”

it’s sort of a relief, somewhere deep down inside, knowing that professor jung isn’t like indirectly related to you through marriage

“and, please, y/n, we’re not at school!! please call me hoseok!”

you’re like tearing up inside,,,,on a first name basis with the hot biology professor.,,,,,.....,,, it’s a miracle

also

how does he know who you are

“i didn’t know you knew my name,” you sort of blurt it out as you think it and he starts laughing really cutely and takes like three sausage rolls off the plate on the table

“well, you’re seunghee’s friend! and uh, the bride literally said your name in the speech at dinner.”

“oh. okay well cool haha yeah. wow. this is so weird.”

you actually thought prior to this moment that talking to professor jung- HOSEOK- even when you’re with seunghee in the labs would be really awkward????

because you’re no biologist and the only thing you remember about biology was a video that scarred you for life about a whale's stomach exploding everywhere like the t-rex out of land of the lost

and plus because he’s cute and smart and also a teacher which was. pretty much a big deal...like a big big deal

“okay, but you’re also legally old enough to do it..it’s not like you’re fifteen and he’s thirty,” said the sadistic voice in your head. you liked to ignore that voice a lot

but contrary to popular belief hoseok is actually really really easy to talk to

it’s almost like he’s been your friend for like your entire life and it’s only a little bit weird for you to be laughing your ass off with your friends biology professor at your cousins wedding but hey anything can happen and at least you’re having fun !!!!

naturally…...fun can go…….well…….too far……….sometimes

it’s like quarter to midnight and the party is still going strong and your cousin is like really going for it on the dance floor with your mom and a few of your other family members and oh wow look at this at some point you’ve ended up smushed against hoseok’s side with another glass of smirnoff and dr pepper in honour of flat 18 having fun without you rn

and he doesn’t seem to mind about the way you lean up with your whole cleavage against his chest to talk to him bc its loud as fuck and he can’t hear you from up here

and haha. wow look!

at some point during this fine hour mr jung hoseok has slung an arm around your waist and has his nose in your hair with his lips by your ear because its LoUd As FuCk iN hErE and you won’t be able to hear him

“i said do you want to step outside? its really hot in here” he asks and you have to physically stop yourself from snogging his face off because there’s no way he’s actually looking that good rn

you probably look awful and flustered and sweaty

“oh yes sure yeah ok yeah lets go we can go out to the patio or something”

and of COURSE your poor mother has no idea that the man around your waist is a professor at ur university so she sees you...actually with somebody and smiles really wide and turns away

at this point she’s just shocked that you’re with somebody because lately you’ve only been with flat 18 or nobody at all

you discover very quickly actually that hoseok is stroking his hand up and down the side of your body which okay, alexa, this is epic

“it’s nice and cool out here i thought i was gonna roast to death inside of there.”

hoseok, again with his cute laughter that has apparently become throaty and deep and you almost have to double check it’s still him because it majorly caught you off guard

“right? too many people, it always makes me feel really hot and claustrophobic.”

you hummed. “yeah, and it’s so sweaty and sticky like [cousins name] really couldn’t have opened up a few windows huh.”

he nods and watches you as you just keep talking and talking and talking

“and, let me tell you, this dress is so uncomfortable”

he looks you over. “you look gorgeous. the dress- i mean, the dress looks gorgeous”

“yeah it’s just a shame it’s so itchy and tight”

“mm? wanna go and change?”

“honestly i kind of just want to get out of it.”

you sort of share a look for a solid three seconds

and there’s like a really brief moment where you regret saying it

maybe he hadn’t meant anything by stroking your body and staring at you with a darkened look and holding you tightly when one of your FAMILY MEMBERS said hi to you and smiled and brushing his lips by your ear like maybe all of that was platonic? maybe he remembered you’re a student (although not hIS student) but still!!!!

you’re 0.5 seconds away from blurting out an almost sober apology when he mutters a, “fuck it,” under his breath that you barely even register and then he’s holding your face with his hands and bringing you in for a fat smooch

at first you’re just really surprised because even though you wanted this to happen you weren’t necessarily expecting it to happen

hoseok pulls away sort of dejected because “why aren’t you kissing me back :(” and thats all it takes because you’re pulling him in for round 2 of smooching and it’s almost like you’re not in the courtyard by the patio directly near the windows of the party and it’s not as if people can see you smooching professor jung haha no way! That would be insane!

“i” kiss “really” kiss “shouldn’t” kiss “be” kiss “doing” kiss “this” and he pulls away and then kisses you really really deeply “but” kiss “itsokjustpleasedonttellanybody”

for a moment you both like ruin the mood by assuring each other you won’t say anything and most people at that point would have been like, alright let’s call it a night haha this was fun and awkward

but :( he’s already hard and ur already really in the mood to bone the Daddy of biology so it would be a waste if you didn’t just….continue

hoseok very quickly discovers the perks of being head bridesmaid because your suite is gorgeous and big

“wtf i’m sharing a room with my uncle this really isn’t fair!”

“the many pros of being related to the bride! look i even have a mini fridge and it’s got loads of strawberry milk in because like its my favourite and they really treated me here and-”

not that he doesn’t want to hear you talk because he’d love to but omg he’s hard as heck and would rather get down to it instead of talking about the excessive amount of strawberry milk in ur fucking mini fridge the size of his BED

surprisingly even though you’ve wanted to at least hold professor jung- HoSeOk-’s hand for like an entire year, you haven’t put THAT much thought into having sex with him

well

actually like finger fucking does not count

nor does him between your legs

no they do not count to you in your mind especially when he quite literally helps you out of your dress and strips you to just your underwear

which, BTW, thank FUCK you brought your sexy stuff just in-case the groom had any really hot friends

thankfully he had jung hoseok

y/n: 1 life: 0

rewind like 0.3 seconds

so. hoseok apparently knows this venue like the back of his hand because he manages to direct you to your wing within like three minutes which is pretty impressive considering it took you thirty to find it this morning

regardless he’s really gentle considering he wants nothing more than to plow you into a nearby hard surface and like you know when someone ghosts their fingers over your skin and it tickles but it’s a nice tickle and your whole body shudders

yeah

well

professor jung does that a lot

he takes a liking to sitting on the end of the bed, between the two posts, while you’re firmly seated on his laps with your legs on either side of him, which is the long way of writing You Are Straddling Seunghee’s Biology Professor

“you’re so pretty” his voice is sort of muffled by your hair and skin and you can barely even focus on his voice because there’s so many things happening rn it’s hard to process it all

do you focus on his voice? his one hand on your back? his other hand literally on your arse? his crotch against yours? the little guttural groan he does between kisses?

it all just feels surreal and amazing and oh WOW jung hoseok has a hand between ur legs

he loops his fingers around your underwear and moans (shudders? you can’t tell but whatever he just did like you need him to do it again cause WEEEWWWW) and like lets them go suddenly

and we’re back to before; hoseok moves to dip underneath your jaw and helps you out of your tight and uncomfortable but expensi-

“did. di-did you just . rip my dress?”

“....i swear i didn’t do it on purpose.”

“omg this dress was on loan oh my GOD”

“im SORRY the zip got stuck and so i tugged i didn’t know the whole dress was gonna rip in half this material must be cheap, honey you got SCAMMED”

you realise that you’re not actually going to be the one to pay for it since the bride said she’d cover the prices of dresses and you instantly sort of relax (although, sorry to your cousin that she’s gonna have to pay extra now lol)

“okay it’s fine just” and he clings to you really tightly and affectionately with his chin rested just above your boobs which is honestly cute and actually really weirdly hot “ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᵈᵒⁿᵗ ʳᶦᵖ ᵐʸ ᵘⁿᵈᵉʳʷᵉᵃʳ”

he has the nerve to giggle to himself “heeheehee okay baby i will be extra careful”

~~~

basically you make a mental note to tell guk and guk only that you rode professor jung to the stars and back

boi DEFINITELY put biology skills to use like this man must have aced human anatomy and sex ed because mans knows all the parts to look after and touch and kiss and it’s like he digitally downloaded every sex move possible because…..no way in hell u just snagged the best sexual partner in town

“mm fuck i wish i was a biology major” it just sort of comes out, bearing in mind you are like half sober

hoseok kind of laughs from his position and moves his hands to your thighs, “yeah?”

“yes i’m so jealous seunghee gets to see you all the time and i only get to see you when i pick her up”

“you can come and see me whenever, baby”

scoff “i’m an art student wouldn’t it be weird to turn up at a biology lab to see you?”

“i have an office yknow and it’s only open to super important people and i can make you one of them”

you realise shortly after like your second orgasm that hoseok is really good at making mediocre things sound really sexy

at long last you actually look down at him and just grin really widely and at first he’s like “yeah? you like that?” and then you start giggling really weirdly

“best.” down. up. “wedding.” down. up. “ever.”

you consider the possibility that last night was a big fat wet dream for at least four seconds until you open your eyes, see the window, roll over, and see professor motherfucking jung in bed next to you

he hasn’t opened his eyes yet and you think he’s asleep so you roll back over to grab your phone conveniently placed on the bedside table

as it turns out, mr jeon jeongguk has not listened to you and posted every nanosecond of the party last night, as well as leaving you several text messages, as he would, as your bff

from guk: are u having fun? i hope ur having fun. if not, then have fun

from guk: i guess ur dead lmao

from guk: sikegjsfkasljf i madmeout with both seujgehe and jikmin

from guk: ignore the above message

from guk: also good morning did you have fun did u get LAID was it a girl or a guy i need all the juicy details

you have to conceal a groan because you don’t want to wake up hoseok

you haven’t thought of something to say yet because worst case scenario, he could wake up and be like “wtf i slept with YOU??????” and that would not be chill for a sunday morning

to guk: im devastated bc of ur snapchat story that’s real snake behaviour

from guk: omg grow up

from guk: and answer my question horre

to guk: i will talk to you later because i am not talking to u about it over the phone bc knowing you and your monster thumbs and chaotic energy, you’ll screenshot and tell everyone in the flat and im not ready for them to know yet

there’s a few moments of silence

from guk: oh fuck tell me ur not pregnant im not ready to be an aunt or uncle yet (x)

you’re about to reply when

oh

wait

did you use a condom last night

you’ve been off the pill for a couple months because even though not getting periods or pregnant was pretty cool, your skin really suffered and oh hey look at that you’ve put on like 4 pounds overnight

and you can’t really remember if hoseok wore a condom or not

did he?

he must have

like he’s a biology teacher

surely

yeah

to guk: wtf no

to guk: and how would i even know that it hasnt even been 24 hours yet this isnt breaking dawn im not gonna show after like 12 minutes

from guk: you never know

“all i can hear is your nails tapping the screen and it’s literally amongst one of the most annoying sounds to wake up to”

oof

you drop your phone flat on your face

hoseok sort of both reaches to see if you’re okay whilst also laughing

“i’m sorry i didn’t know they were that loud”

he smiles and strokes the side of your face “mm it’s okay. woke up next to a pretty girl so it’s not so bad”

and it’s official he owns your heart

neither of you actually really address the fact that your whole...THING is really taboo until he’s like fishing around for his left sock and you’re moping over your ripped dress

“so like does this mean i can’t come to pick up seunghee anymore because it’ll be weird?”

he pauses. “why would it be weird?”

“idk cause like. idk. you’re a teacher?”

“really? fuck, i had no idea!!!”

“i’m being serious. i don’t wanna be the reason you LOSE your job!! and i’m so bad at keeping secrets what if i tell someone worse what if i tell my MOM”

he’s moved towards you as you were talking and he’s looking at you really closely with a really pretty look in his eyes

“y/n, i’m a teacher and i’m a professional. i can contain my...whatever, emotions, while i’m at work. and yes, please, come by and get seunghee because she’s one of my favourites and i don’t think i’ll see you often because you’re in visual arts and im always in my lab but my office! yes i have an office that you can always stop by when you’re bored and if i’m free i will happily see you :( it’s unfortunate that you happen to be a student but technically….like you’re old enough and it’s not that weird?”

pause

“okay it’s a little weird but if you want it can be just one night. we can ignore it happened.”

you really don’t want to ignore it

like you really don’t want to at all

hoseok easily was the best sex you’ve ever had and ugh he’s so nice and pretty and warm and caring and smart and yeah he made a joke about cells during sex but it was perfectly timed and funny and ugh he’s the perfect guy

but he’s also a professor at your university and above all else, you really don’t want him to lose his job that he worked his ass of for just because you couldn’t control yourself

so you sort of suck in a frown very poorly and you both agree to kind of...let it be pushed under the rug

it was a one time….two-time thing

because he definitely fucked you into the mattress one last time before you walked out the door and acted like teacher and student again

“you look...disgusting, give me all the gossip!”

you’ve barely been in flat 18 for five seconds and jeongguk is already at the door with a glass of water and a bag of what you can only pray is cookies

(nice attempt: it’s actually tiny meringues which is good enough)

as usual jeongguk cradles a hangover right into monday morning and thankfully for you, haseul and himself, arts lectures and classes don’t usually start until the afternoon on mondays

even though haseul is 77% sure she wont turn up because she’s way too comfy in her pjs on the couch in the living room

and honestly the pressure of telling jeongguk about what the hell happened on saturday night is intense because….haseul is there too now

which isn’t ideal to be very very honest

and haseul is literally your Girlfriend like she would be there to wipe your arse if you asked her nicely

but she can also be a little bit judgy and you’re feeling particularly sensitive today

but you also can’t not tell her because she’s one of your best friends and you’re probably definitely going to tell hee and jimin when they’re back so. might as well do it fast

you trust flat 18 with your entire heart and you know they’d never tell anybody

((this is not foreshadowing they are little angels))

“holy fuck you’re literally covered in hickeys, this story is gonna be so good, let me get a cup of tea before you start holy shit-” and so haseul makes three cups of tea and sits back down like ten minutes later

“okay im ready literally LAY it on me im ready”

deep breath

sip of tea

setting the cup down

“so i went to my cousins party. pretty normal right, not expecting much to go down at all like it’s a family wedding and there’s kids around”

“yeah, right, okay, AND”

“and so i’m minding my own business by the snack table and then somebody comes up to me and YOU’LL NEVER EVER GUESS WHO IT WAS”

they both sit there like “how am i supposed to know?”

deep breath

“i turn around and it’s only PROFESSOR JUNG”

pause

“wait wtf why was he at your cousins wedding?” haseul is so lost

“HE did say he was going to a wedding last week,” jeongguk adds. “that’s so weird omg he literally called it wow haha he’s so cool”

“right right, but like how is that the tea,” haseul frowns. “that’s like...cold stale tea. i wanted scorching hot tea. there’s GOT to be more to it”

you sit there awkwardly and wait for them to figure it out because haseul is looking at you really intently trying to figure it out

jeongguk is looking back and forth between you and haseul

he knows she’ll figure it out before him because out of the three of you, haseul has the brain cells

haseul literally just stares at your face until she kinda looks down at your neck

and remembers the hickies

and then looks back up at your face

and then back down

and them back up

...

“oh my fucking god you DIDN’T”

“wait what what what WHAT HAPPENED”

“oh my fuckING GOD. OMG. OH MY GOD??????/ NO, NO.”

jeongguk is like O_O “what omg tell me”

you’re holding your face in your hands rn

haseul is up off her seat and pointing a finger at you with her mouth so wide

she looks kinda like the pikachu meme

0o0

“Y/N SLEPT WITH PROFESSOR JUNG”

jeongguk laughs

“....wait WHAT THE FUCK”

chaos ensues

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU SLEPT WITH PROFESSOR JUNG I LITERALLY CAN’T BREATHE”

“i didn’t say that!”

“what, so you DIDN’T sleep with professor jung?”

“...okay so maybe i did but you can’t tell ANYONE PLEASE”

jeongguk is literally laughing his ass off rn

because he’s your best friend and honestly that’s what best friends would do in this situation

haseul on the other hand is the responsible friend who’s thinking of the bigger picture

“holy shit, okay. um. wtf he could get sacked for this!”

“we talked it out and we promised to not tell anyone, and it’s not like we’re gonna hook up again so it’s fine!!!! which is why you both cant say anything PLS”

haseul moves to sit by you really comfortingly, “omg baby no i would never!!! it’s not my secret to tell and YES, i’m very surprised right now and i don’t really know what to do because what SHOULD i do??? this has never happened to me before omg this is insane. this is fuckING INSANE”

you end up having to explain the entire night in detail (missing a few details because let’s be real, you were hammered and dick drunk)

jeongguk has calmed down and now realises that this is sort of serious

mostly he’s just finding it funny that you actually ended up hooking up with professor jung, because you and him used to joke around about it all the time

even though he was initially quite childish about it, jeongguk knows that it’s serious and something that is clearly bothering you so he knows when to pack it in and be the supportive friend

because gukkie is a good friend and oh no we’re dropping all the uwus everywhere

“was it good?”

yes, haseul it was good

“was it SAFE?”

you’re about to answer jeongguk and then you pause

“....i don’t know”

and haseul’s off again

“holy mother of hell what do you MEAN you don’t know???”

“i can’t remember!!”

“and you didn’t ask the morning after???”

“im sorry he was too busy rearranging my GUTS it must have,,,crossed my mind”

now haseul has another thing to worry about on top of midterms

to flat 18: IAHUIIGJKSFDLIHGDJKSF Y/N SLEPT WITH PROFESSOR JUNG

from y/n: JEONGGUK WHAT THE FUCK

from y/n: WHY WOULD YOU TELL THEM OVER TEXT I WANTED TO TELL THEM IN PERSON

from guk: IM SORRY I THOGGHT WE WERE TELIJG THEM

from y/n: jesus christ

from jimin: um

from jimin: WHAT

from jimin: PLEATHE tell me its hot biology professor jung and not ugly middle aged literature professor jung because else my reaction is gonna be vERY different

from y/n: wtf why would i want to sleep with literature jung he’s like 50 and married

from guk: wait omg what if hot prof jung is married….did you ask

from y/n: let me move my bang and read that again,,,,

from jimin: i literally cant breathe MY LUNGSSSSS

from jimin: WHAT KINDA FANFICTION IS THIS RN how and when and why did u sleep with him i have SO MANY QUESTIONS i should be studying for my physics midterm rn but whatyueijgn this is too good

from y/n: this is why i wanted to tell u in person

from seunghee: WHATHGRJENS SJF WHAT THE FUCK

from seunghee: I JUST FUCKING SCREAMED IN MY BIOLOGY LECTURE AND HAD TO LEAVE

from seunghee: TELL ME UR JOKING RN

from y/n: :D heehee. um. haha. well haha. uh

from seunghee: I CANT LOOK AT PROF JUNG THE SAME WAY ANYMORE

from seunghee: omg….u had his PEEPEE inside of u….holy shit i need to sit down rn

from haseul: mood

from guk: she did THAT :’)

from seunghee: i mean…..when we joked around and said you should hop on professor jung’s dick i didnt think you’d DO IT FOR REAL

from y/n: it was the dr pepper u guys…..he made me do it

from seunghee: oh god professor jung came out to see if i was okay and i screamed i cant look at him i cant

from seunghee: omg he was in ur GUTS i cant im dropping biology

you dont immediately see professor jung

in fact you try and avoid him because even though you both agreed to not hook up again you’re afraid that the demon inside you will try and jump him and knowing you, a professor will probably end up catching you

and you like uni you dont wanna leave

and you like hoseok you don’t want him to leave and lose his job

flat 18 have calmed down from the initial shock and humour of the situation

i mean they’re all still in disbelief that it happened

and jeongguk and jimin make jokes about it sometimes

but it’s calmed down

it’s actually like a full week before you see him

because all of flat 18 for some reason offered to help on the open day for uni, party night saturday had to be cancelled >:(

seunghee shudders at the thought of being one of the only biology volunteers and having to pretend like she doesn’t know that her professor was balls deep inside her best friend last weekend

jimin and seunghee are together in the science department and haseul is happy performing for families checking out the performance department

jeongguk was asked to help promote the art department

and you were forced into giving campus tours :(

which sucks

because you have to try and pump out your best energy for the day

due to the amount of students doing tours on the same day, you’re only really expected to give one tour before going to your selected department

and you wouldn’t actually mind giving tours if it didn’t mean that you had to go everywhere on campus and by everywhere you mean having to go to the science department and inevitably seeing the brief love of your life

“..and right here is the art department! as an art student i sure have a lot to say about it- everyone is super duper nice and all-well, MOST of the professors are really helpful and critical and i’ve really improved drawing since i’ve been here. we do a lot of still life in this room but next door is the main drawing room and just off campus, we have the drawing labs!!! and oh, downstairs is the photography department; we have a red room and three studios and next door is the cinema”

“do you get to watch films?”

“technically no but when nobody is looking we do watch a film heeheehee i mean. what? no we would never break the rules..,,.”

you give jeongguk a cheeky bum shake before you leave and he laughs

yes an old man sees and scowls but it’s ok

“so yea like i said, the staff are friendly and mostly helpful. i mean, there are obviously some professors who aren’t amazing but hey we have a higher rating than other unis in this area so haha”

“mostly helpful?” a mom says. “can you elaborate on that?”

“not really, karen.”

after hurling your group around everywhere, you FINALLY make it to the science department

which you came to last because you were not prepared to see You Know Who

anyway

you step inside and start listing off things in the department

like Oh yes jackie look that’s called a bunsen burner

Oh michael sweetie don’t touch the gas taps we don’t wanna die now do we?

“our uni has some of the best science professors,” you explain. “they’re incredible and so dedicated to their profession and it’s really a great environment- two of my flatmates study science and they love their classes and lectures. professor min teaches physics and my friend jimin says he teaches it like no other- he’s amazing!”

“and what about professor jung?”

what

“ᵉˣᶜᵘˢᵉ ᵐᵉ?”

“what do you think of professor jung, hm?” WHY IS THE HM SOUNDING A LITTLE CONFRONTATIONAL

you stare at this mom like OoO because this is weird there’s no way she kNOWS how does this mom know omg did you say something dumb how does she--

“i heard he wrote books and went on tv! he also attended conferences at oxford uni,” the mom says, almost annoyed and your heart goes WOOOOOSH out your body. “my son wants to study biology and so we’re excited to see and hear about professor jung.”

“oH yes RIGHT well he’s...well he’s great.”

“can you elaborate-”

“no susan i can’t. let’s just go and meet him, yeah?”

inside the science rooms open for showing, you’re oddly relieved to see another tour group just finishing up meaning that half of the professors are preoccupied already

that includes hoseok in his cute ass lab coat talking to a group of students and parents

suddenly that female student is standing very close to him and you have to look away before you get annoyed for literally no reason

y/n: 1 life: 1

seunghee is actually free talking to jimin and professor min (jimins weirdly hot professor) sees you standing awkwardly in the doorway and he comes to the rescue with a small smile and nods his head at you

wow jimin never told you how pretty he was

scary as fuck

but pretty

“hi! welcome to the science department…”

you kind of step to the side because science is not your subject this is not your element and you dont wanna mess up

while seunghee is so happy showing off her booth and YES the volcano made an appearance, jimin is content with not doing his job and coming to stand with you

“is it just me or is prof jung looking delicious today?” jimin sort of nudges you in the side and you have to give him a sickeningly sweet smile that translates to You’re Getting Your Ass BEAT Later

“...and we do all sorts of projects to help us constantly develop our skills!!! and it’s actually a really good way at making friends and bonds-” a few parents laugh “-and actually, two of my flatmates are here over there--”

oh great eyes are on you and jimin :)

jimin smiles like :) hell yes :) thats me :)

and you’re flushing as fuck because 1) you don’t really do well with being the center of attention like having to speak and tour people around campus is BAD ENOUGh and 2) hoseok has just been made aware of your presence

you’re trying not to look at him like :) i’m not here :)

“-they helped me make this volcano!!!! and it’s so cute!!! look- it shoots rocks- oh, careful sweetie- look!!! it’s so cool y/n helped me a lot and i got a good grade and we do loads of this sort of stuff, haha, prof jung really works us to the bone but makes it super fun at the same time!!!”

braving a chance to look at him you clam up noticing that he’s already looking at you

he does that THING where he smiles and his eyes look really soft and warm and he ducks his head to look at the other parents and stuff

jimin contains a snort and seunghee is like o_o because she had to witness that LOOK as if she wasn’t trying hard enough to forget about what happened

professor min looks between you and hoseok like “-_-” and you wanna DIE

ALRIGHT MICHAEL PUT ON THE GAS TAPS BACK ON LET’S FUCKING DIE TONIGHT

hoseok manages to talk to you before you leave though which is smooth and you can feel your heart in your vagina literally pulsing as he approaches you and jimin

“having fun?”

you smile like :) how is giving tours :) fun :)

“i guess so!!”

“hey thats good!” he replies enthusiastically. “looks like people like the volcano you helped make.”

“....i didn’t make that. seunghee lied i did not help her on her graded project We did not help I don’t know why she would say that”

and he kind of laughs and forgets where he is and his hand touches your back

jimin chokes

you sort of look at him like OoO BRO

he pulls away so FAST like you’re on fire or something

“it’s okay. it’s a pretty volcano.” clears throat. “a-anyways. have a nice day guys.”

he looks like he wants to say something more but cant really afford to, so he sulks away and talks to more parents

“omg….he just had sex with you again” jimin said quietly. “omg. that was wild”

“he literally touched me what are you TALKING ABOUT”

“can’t believe you just did that….right in front of me….”

“literally SHUT UP RIGHT NOW OMG”

again you don’t see prof jung often

you see him a couple of times when you wait for seunghee

its been a hot minute, like a few weeks

he doesn’t speak much but when he does it’s like “oh hi y/n! waiting for seunghee?” or “you can come in for a bit while seunghee packs up” or “plans for the weekend?”

once you dumbly said “i miss you” before you left and both prof jung and seunghee are like “oh hoe you didnt”

“huh?” he asks.

“I said i’ll see you,” you say. “like...i don’t know. see you soon? i guess”

he knows what you really said

he raises his brow’s and laughs and’s like, “me too, y/n. i’ll see you both soon. enjoy your weekend!”

“you’re literally so dumb,” seunghee says whilst walking back to the dorm, “like really so fucking dumb. i MISS YOU??? REALLY? THAT’S ALL YOU SAID??? I’M LIVING OFF CRUMBS HERE”

“wtf do you MEAN???”

“yknow he always asks me, “how are your friends? y/n, the others?” like why would he ask about you...unless he missed you too….and wanted to see you…..omg you’re both really so dumb”

you think about that for a while

back at flat 18, everybody is out of classes for the weekend; jimin is finishing up an essay so he won’t have to do it last minute monday morning, haseul is watching vines on her phone and guk is currently eating the peaches that you were craving and wanted to eat so bought and stored away for later

later as in now

he offers you one but afterwards you feel like…?? weirdly nauseous

“do you need some water?” guk is on alert rn “i swear i didn’t poison you or anything!!!!!”

“i...literally didn’t even think you had but now that you’ve brought it up…”

like this sickness is so sudden you just wanna throw up all your internal organs

“you should go to bed,” haseul says and she’s like rushing to you to push you towards your room. “i will get a hot water bottle ready and blankets and oh- actually no, you can’t risk eating in-case it makes you feel worse. at least try and eat like these bland ass biscuits seunghee brought because then you’ll throw up something instead of nothing. are you okay, did i ask if you were okay? are you?”

the best thing about flat 18 is that they’re like a little tight family and if one of you is sick, they become worried parents and it’s so cute

anyway so you stay in bed for the rest of the day

and most of saturday morning

flat 18 are debating whether or not to really go out on saturday but you groggily tell them to just go and have fun and you’ll stay at home :( crying :( watching peaky blinders on netflix :(

haseul and seunghee decide to stay in with you for a girls night while jeongguk and jimin head to their friend taehyung’s dorm

at some point during a very intense sex scene between tommy shelby and some random woman you don’t care about currently, you feel a very intense wave of sickness

OFF TO THE BATHROOM YOU GO!!

as you’re throwing up you’re thinking over every possible reason for being sick

food poisoning?

flu?

and then you pause mid heave

could…..could you be pregnant?

omg no

wait omg yes you totally could be

you panic so much that you throw up again

seunghee and haseul are right outside the door asking if you need anything and haseul comes in to hold your hair and seunghee is rubbing your thigh like “honey please what do you need?”

sheepishly you look at her and squeak out, “i don’t think im sick.”

seunghee’s like “well obviously you are you’re throwing up like crazy right now, oh, yeah, okay baby yeah let it out let it all out” 

makes mental note to buy air-freshener

after throwing up you just hAVE to ask

“hee...i need you to go out and get me something”

“sure honey, anything. what do you need?”

“......i need you to get me a pregnancy test.”

haseul and seunghee share a look

“are you serious?” seunghee’s voice is really gentle and quiet

“yes i need to be sure,” your voice is croaky and you keep crying in between each word and seunghee just squeezes your thigh assuringly and nods

“y-yeah, of course, wow, oh my god, okay. i’ll go and get one- no, wait, haseul should i get three? is three the safe number?”

“yeah. three is safe. like, you do an experiment three times to get a fair result and the test could read wrong”

“please stop talking about science im actually really scared right now”

seunghee is already half out the flat with her keys when she says, “do you want me to call guk and jimin?”

and you debate it but knowing guk he’d have a meltdown and tell taehyung what’s going on and it’s supposed to be a private sort of thing

and what gives you might not Actually be pregnant

“have you missed your period?” haseul asks

“yeah but i thought” sniff “it was just late :( my periods are always irregular but if i did the math” hiccup “right then it should have come four days ago :(”

seunghee comes back with three pregnancy tests

(“the cashier said, ‘oh, good luck dear! you look like you’ll be a wonderful mother!’ like HONEY IM NOT LOOKING FOR KIDS I’M TOO YOUNG” “s-seunghee-eeEEEeee im also too young what am i gonna doOOooOoooo i cant do this”)

they both promise to be in there with you while you find out because you’re literally sobbing and shaking and lets be real, they’ve showered with you like ten times and they’ve seen all your bits and pieces and it’s just pee! everybody pees

you’re sitting down in a ball shape by the bathtub like TERRIFIED of looking at the little stick

“is it...professor jung’s?” seunghee asks quietly

“he’s the only person i’ve slept with in like three years, i’m positive it’s his,” you reply. “if im even pregnant, that is…”

haseul rubs your arm lovingly. “want to take a look? should be done by now.”

it takes you a few minutes and then eventually you nod

well

here goes nothing!!!!!

you peer over at the stick and like

your heart drops

maybe you wanna throw up again

all three sticks say: PREGNANT: 5 WEEKS

“what’s it say?” haseul asks gently and you set down one of the tests and look back at seunghee and haseul with an unreadable expression

“congrats. you’re gonna be an auntie.”

haseul is the first to crack

it felt weird to have friends excited?? about your second year of uni pregnancy? unplanned accidental pregnancy with a bIOLOGY PROFESSOR AT UR UNI????

but haseul brings you in for a hug with an excited laugh and seunghee braves taking a stick in her hand and looks at it for herself

yep, you’re having a baby all right!!!

everything is fine until you realise the big problem

how the hell are you going to tell hoseok you’re carrying his baby

does he want kids? probs not! and you never asked if he was married?? WHAT IF HE ALREADY HAS KIDS? WHAT IF HE HAS A WHOLE FAMILY??????

then you start crying

“omg, y/n, please don’t cry, it’s okay, we’re going to figure something out!”

“you don’t necessarily have to keep it if you dont want to,” haseul points out, even though you know she’s already planning dates to look after baby y/n when it’s been pushed out into the world

“h-how am i gonna tell h-hoseok that im having his baby….and i dont wanna get r-rid of it i dont wanna hurt this baby i love this baby i only just f-found out about it but i want this baby i wanna look after this baby this is my BABY?? im having a baby holy fuck you guys! im gonna be a mom this is so scary what the fuck am i gonna do????”

seunghee makes a call to jeongguk and jimin asking them to come back with ice-cream because they have things to talk about

jeongguk is worried like “oh god did i leave my underwear on the couch again? i said i was sorry and i thought id moved them this time”

and seunghee says, “um...no but now im going to double check the couch...dont forget the ice-cream BYEEEE”

needless to say that they’ve very VERY surprised to come home and discover that they’re gonna be uncles

and that the baby belongs to the Daddy of Biology

“i………..what did i miss while i was gone wtf you’re PREGNANT?”

“omg i’m gonna be an uncle??????? really?????? reAlly!!!”

of course the big issue right now is telling hoseok about it

like what are you supposed to do? go up to him and be like Hey hot stuff you’re gonna be a dad!! Happy Monday!!

“if he doesn’t want to help look after it, i would be happy being the adoptive dad of your baby,” jimin offers, staring at your stomach for the fifth straight hour. “because i love you and i also like babies.”

“aw, min, i love you too, but if hoseok doesn’t want to be the dad to this baby, i was already planning to ask guk because GOD KNOWS you would be the worst at looking after kids- dont look at me like that, i know you i CAN SEE THE TYPE OF PERSON YOU ARE!”

you decide to skip classes on monday and only head out when you need to

and by “need to” i mean you decided that today would be the day you told hoseok

you had the whole of sunday to think over it and seunghee helped you devise a plan

hoseok has office hours from around 3pm to 9pm on mondays and her class finishes at 2:45pm, and apparently people use his monday office hours on the evening so “you should probably come then, and you and him can talk in his office where it’s more private!”

and thank god seunghee has the brain cells in this friendship because you were about to announce it in the open and you doubt that mr min would be thrilled to hear his colleague knocked up a visual arts second year student

it’s 2:30pm and you leave the flat to make it to campus for around 2:37pm

it doesn’t take long at all to walk across campus to the science department and so you’re a little bit early to seunghee’s class because they’re still clearing up by the time you get there

the science department has chosen to smell like a hospital even more today and you shudder, already mulling over the idea that you could be going to a hospital soon to get baby scans and then eventually labour and holy fucking SHIT you’re gonna have to push this thing out of your vagi-

the class leaves at 2:45 on the dot (because hoseok likes to let his kids out early because he’s a cool teacher and apparently nothing like the grouchy art teachers in your department) and actually, today seunghee hasn’t turned up to class so you’re sort of waiting for nobody rn

just >:) as >:) planned

when everybody else has gone you head inside really quietly

hoseok hears you anyway and looks over really quickly and smiles so wide like :D

“y/n! how are you!”

“haha yeah im just great professor like really Uh yeah doing great”

“seunghee’s actually not here today. i thought you guys lived together, didn’t you know that?”

and you’re like like “uh yeah i knew. i’m, well, i’m actually not here for her. i’m here for you.”

hoseok is vERY VERY CONFUSED

“is everything ok?”

you smile at him as a way of reassuring him

on the inside you’re like oh hoseok sweetie you have no idea what’s coming

“yeah. i asked seunghee what time your office hours were and she said from around 3 to 9? and obviously, its like five to three and so i am early but. look i just- i really need to speak with you.”

he stands up quickly. “is something wrong?”

“i’m not sure yet,” you reply honestly. “shall we. um. can we go to your office?”

he blinks. “oh! yeah, sure, let me get- my coat and yeah let’s go. i’ll lead the way.”

along the way you just so happen to bump into professor min and he smiles at hoseok and then at you and he’s like “oh? miss l/n, what are you doing here? i didn’t know you took science?” (he only knows who you are because of the open day)

“Oh, no i don’t. um. well,” you pause. cause what are you supposed to say???? “i’m just getting some work for seunghee. she’s...sick and bedridden, so, here i am!”

professor min is just like “huh. okay well have fun i’m going to take a nap in my office :D” and leaves

hoseok’s office is surprisingly clean and cute and there’s flowers everywhere and a cute little yellow rug and you stop to just take in how this room is hoseok in Room Form

like a room has never looked so much like a person it’s him as a room and you love it

“i didn’t really clean up because i didn’t expect anybody- especially you- to be coming. uh, here, let me just close the door. want to sit?”

you take up the offer and sit on the couch opposite his desk and he sits on the desk looking at you really worriedly. “is...everything okay?”

he wants to ask if somebody found out, but at the same time, he really doesn’t want to make you think that he was like repulsed by having sex with you because it was The best sex of his life and he’s not afraid to admit that

“yes. i just” sigh. might as well get on with it. “how long has it been since the wedding?”

hoseok pauses. thinks. “well...i mean, like, probably six weeks? yeah, six weeks. why?”

“okay, and usually, what does it mean when a woman misses her period?”

“wha- well, sometimes it could be an irregular cycle. but it’s usually because they’re conceiving...”

hoseok really doesn’t wanna overthink but...like….he’s overthinking rn

“and how long does it take for them to start showing?”

“well someone can know that they’re pregnant as early as four weeks, usually. although 50% of women say they show at five, and 70% said they show symptoms at six weeks-”

there’s a beat of silence

you worriedly look at hoseok and he’s just. quiet

you can see the clogs moving in his head and his eyes are flitting up from your stomach to your face repeatedly and wow he’s gone a bit pale?

“i...what?”

“i’m...i’m pregnant.”

“i…” he starts to speak but literally stops and he’s just really quiet

you can feel your eyes filling up because oh god he doesn’t want the baby you’ve ruined his LIFE

but really he’s just thinking really hard rn

like

omg

a beautiful girl he likes is carrying HIS BABY

A BABY HE HELPED MAKE

and then he’s like but shes a student at my uni is this weird? its weird its wrong but i love babies and ‘im gonna be a dad????? and she’s really pretty????? and i like her?????? and that’s my kid??????????

you’re seriously about to cry and be like its ok if you don’t want it i can look after it alone and my flat are okay with it i just would want some help like maybe a little bit just for the first few months when he moves from the desk towards you and drops to his knees between your legs

“is- is it mine?”

“what- of course it’s yours!”

“i’m sorry! i didn’t want to assume!!!”

“i wouldnt be here if it wasn’t yours!”

he huffs out a laugh and then just starts smiling so wide

“omg are you actually pregnant? really?”

and then you start laughing like “YES omg why would i lie here’s a test for proof i was crying a lot over the weekend.”

now that he has concrete evidence hoseok is getting a bit excited about this

above all circumstances he is gonna be a dad and wow he’s always wanted a family!!

you’re so relieved that he’s happy :)

but then he has to think realistically about this: you’re still a student, probably barely twenty one, and he’s a professor and things will be extremely complicated

he debates whether or not to tell professor min

because yoongi has been his friend forever and he actually helped him get the job at this uni and he probably wouldn’t judge him for it because he had seemed excited when hoseok told him about the wedding night (obviously spared of the details that the best Pussy of his life was miss y/n l/n)

“do...do you want to keep it?”

you look at him like OnO “yes :( is that okay”

“YES omg it’s okay!!! that’s our BABY!!!”

ok he’s so excited

“this is so weird and i never ever thought this would happen but!!!!!! i’m gonna be a dad???”

“yes!!!”

then

“wait fuck are you married or anything?” you have to ask it’s been bugging you all weekend. “because i’m happy with raising a baby with you but i don’t think i can handle telling ur wife or whatever that we had sex at a wedding.”

he finds this really funny

“no, i’m not married. i was drunk at the wedding but not drunk enough to cheat on someone :( i would never do that :(”

well. 

THAT COVERS IT THEN

now he has to make plans to like. get to know you because there’s no way in hell his baby is gonna grow up with complicated parents like he wants his kid to have the best life ever :(

hoseok now also has to come to terms with the fact that seunghee knows he had sex with her best friend and is having a baby with her and now he’s horrified

“you did wHAT”

hoseok decided against his better judgement to tell yoongi about what’s going on

since you told your entire flat about it he figured it was only fair that he could also tell somebody he trusted

he has a couple of friends outside the department who he really trusts, like namjoon and seokjin, two married professors who teach literature and creative writing, and sociology, respectively, who will eventually find out, whenever he’s figured out what he’s going to do

considering everything, yoongi isn’t that put off by the fact that he knocked up a student

i mean, yes he’s shocked that it was you of all students ever and then he pieces together you going into his office and the way he had literally described you as “artistic and fascinating” and fucking hell he should have realised sooner

“i...kind of got her pregnant. which- before you yell at me, isn’t the end of the world because we’re both willing to give it 110%!”

“yeah i dont give a fuck about that- i’m still on about the fact that you came back here after that wedding and told me all the raunchy details about you and y/n and i called it hOT and now i find out its a student i KNOW?????? oh my god i need to lie down again.”

(he takes it well, and congratulates him)

meanwhile you’re already making plans to tell your family about it but you want to do it after the first scan

seunghee has done so much research on pregnancy that she was worried the school would catch on by reading the wifi bill and seeing that all she ever googles is “how big is a baby at six weeks?” or “when should i go for a baby scan?”

she seems to think that twelve to fourteen weeks is a good time to get the baby scan and that you’ll probably start showing by then which is the PERF time to tell everybody about it

at the moment you’re not too worried about telling your family

your mom is pretty understanding and your dad has been out of the picture for a while now, and you’re the baby sibling so at least she still has an older daughter to brag about

because from now on it’s gonna be “yeah this is my eldest she’s a LAWYER and this is my youngest haha she fucked her biology professor”

not that she’d use those words

you’re actually more afraid of what people at uni are gonna think when you start showing because you’re not really up for missing out a whole 9 months just to be a year behind your friends

and morning sickness was so awful this morning that you just couldn’t be bothered to go in for class today

thankfully it was just a free sort of day where kids either did the art marathon or worked for their midterms so you could sort of afford to miss a day

guk went to class for an hour before coming back to the flat and haseul didn’t have classes that day so once again, art attack squad just had a nice day at home

haseul is most concerned about the baby and the baby’s health and so went through a crazy moment of trying to eliminate foods that are bad for you during pregnancy

“where’s all my chocolate gone?” “well i moved it so that you can limit yourself on what you eat! chocolate isn’t great for your skin and you should probably start eating healthy if you want the little honey to be nice and healthy when they arrive!”

haseul has money on it being a little girl

guk and seunghee want it to be a boy and jimin is the type of person to have no opinion until the baby is born and then proceeds to say, “see! i told you it would be a boy/girl!”

since you last saw hoseok, he hasn’t really decided what he’d like them to come out as yet; yoongi wants it to be a girl, though

seunghee actually went to class and ended up waiting behind afterwards to give him all the updates

“is she doing okay?” “yES she’s amazing and the baby is doing so well too!!! i mean it’s only been about seven weeks and so y/n is like barely showing, but he’s about the size of a blueberry! isn’t that cute?”

then she pauses and is like, “wait...we live off campus so like. do you want to maybe come round? and see her? i think she’d appreciate seeing you.”

“ᶜᵃⁿ ᶦ?” hoseok is really excited because yeah he does like you and he’d see you whenever he could but 1) he didn’t know how to contact you and 2) where do you even live because if its on campus he definitely can’t pop round and be like “wassup where’s my baby mama”

anyway he comes round with her and you’re very unprepared to see hoseok and seunghee step through the front door

jeongguk is like midway through kissing your tummy over and over and haseul is on amazon looking at baby clothes because she “has to be ready for any opportunity”

of course anything can happen and she’s praying that nothing bad happens because she just found the cutest bear onesie ever and OOPS its in her cart

“it’s,” gesturing to guk and his lips on your stomach, eyes wide, “not what it looks like!”

but hoseok just laughs and puts down his bag and is like, “hehe i know. how are you!”

guk clears out to another part of the couch and decides that he has to, before he dies, see a y/n and hoseok interaction and he can hardly contain his excitement when hoseok sits down next to you and looks at you with a fond ass expression

“good! i had a little bit of morning sickness, but i’m okay. how are you?”

and hoseok’s like well i’m not currently carrying a baby im fine of course i’m fine i want to know about you

because it came to his attention when he was with yoongi earlier that he really doesn’t know anything about you PERIODT

and he wants to know everything and anything

at that point guk takes his leave and he, haseul and seunghee go to the kitchen to give you and hoseok some of your own private space

“i cant believe professor jung is in my living room right now...”

“I WALKED ACROSS CAMPUS WITH HIM GUK I WAS FREAKING OUT THE ENTIRE TIME!!!”

meanwhile you and hoseok are taking the moment to get to know each other

because in about 9 months time or whatever you’re gonna be parents

so you gotta know everything

hoseok learns a lot of things about you: your love for chocolate, that strawberry milk is your favourite flavour, your favourite colours are natural colours like white and beige and browns, your favourite movie or your favourite song…….

and you learn quite a few things about him in return: growing up he always loved science, he wanted to go into dance during high school but it clashed with science club so he gave it up, his favourite flavour milk is banana and his favourite colour is yellow…...

“mm i knew the yellow already :)”

“oh yeah?” hoseok has an arm around your shoulders, one hand stroking the side of your face and the other brushing against your stomach. “how?”

“the rug in your office. and the fact you like banana milk,” you laugh.

“what? the banana milk has nothing to do with it.”

“it does, don’t lie.”

“okay, but it’s not the main reason!!!”

once again it begins to feel like you’ve known hoseok for years and wow it’s so easy to talk to him and he’s so gentle and nice You’re ready to donate your whole heart to him on the spot

“so i was thinking actually,” you propose suddenly, and at this point the gang have come out of the kitchen and are gathered in the living room (jeongguk said that he’s technically in-laws with hoseok now and so there’s no point avoiding it) “that we should go out together this weekend.”

hoseok grins: “are you asking me out on a date right now?”

“yes,” you nod with a firm look. “yes, i am. i am taking authoritative because you’re slow and i want to go on a date with you. i wanna get to know you and work on this.”

hoseok agrees and presses a warm kiss to your temple. “mm, okay then, honey. it’s a date.”

(jimin gets home late and kicks off his shoes by the door. “GUYS!!! YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHO LOOKED MIGHTY FINE THIS MORNING!! If you guessed Professor Min, then you were RIGHT!! At this rate, Y/N won’t be the only person knocked up by a science professor cause I’m telling you, I’m ready for Professor Min to tell me the exact speed of light whilst balls deep in my a- OH. Uh. Hi, Professor Jung. Nice day?”)

((nobody knows how to move on from that.))

it’s been exactly 9 weeks since your little honey has been conceived :D

hoseok comes to visit more frequently and he now has your number and emergency contact details so whenever he can, he’s asking how you and the baby are and stuff

he texts asking about your day a lot

mostly about the baby though

from hoseok: what are naming it ^_^

to hoseok: hmm i believe we haven’t gone over the names yet :)

from hoseok: i meant like a nickname!!

from hoseok: yoongi has been calling them “squid” because when we became friends we bonded over someone calling a sperm cell a squid cell and i guess it kind of stuck

to hoseok: omg i dont wanna call them squid then :-(

from hoseok: hmm how about simply ‘baby’?

but i want u to call me baby…

from hoseok: but i wanna call YOU baby and it might get confusing...little one? little guy?

to hoseok: haseul thinks its a girl teeheehee

from hoseok: so i’ve been told

from hoseok: okay, how about honey? i know i call you honey sometimes but honey can be exclusively our baby name

to hoseok: hmm

to hoseok: honey is cute :3

from hoseok: haha okay baby, honey it is then!

you’re waiting until week 14 for an ultrasound

seunghee did more research and said 14 is a lucky number and so it just seemed right

and also most women go around 14 weeks and later because by then the gender will be revealed and that’s exciting!!

THANKFULLY you weren’t planning to visit family for christmas because they’re abroad visiting family and so at least you can surprise them when they’re back with a baby scan and hoseok :D

“did you also know that the baby is now the size of a cherry?” guk said suddenly one evening, as he lay next to you in his bed, by the way, WHY you were in his bed when he woke up he has no idea. “that’s so cute. little cherry all snug in there, huh.”

you find that jeongguk is now...abnormally nice

like you loved that you and jeongguk could be brutal to each other and still be fine in the next three minutes

but ever since you found out you were pregnant, he’s been toning it down a lot

truthfully he doesn’t want to overdo it and add any stress on you during the pregnancy, and he just wants to be supportive and be ‘the best uncle in the business’, to which jimin competes

haseul and seunghee are the ideal best friends in this situation: haseul is so ready to be an aunt it’s crazy and she already has an amazon cart full of cute things and seunghee already claimed dibs on helping you and hoseok set up a nursery for the baby

it’s still being decided but there’s a big chance you and hoseok will move in together to raise baby honey together

the house you were eyeing is relatively close to campus and to flat 18, which they’re planning to rent out for the next two years of uni after this one

so it’s close to honey’s aunts and uncles and also close for hoseok to get to work and for you to get to classes

jimin is the friend who still doesn’t really know what to do in this situation

he replaced jeongguk as the annoying younger brother type, even though he’s a few months older than both you and jeongguk, he’s such a brat lmao

10 weeks

“i’m convinced that my boobs have got bigger- haven’t they gotten bigger?”

so it is one of those days where hoseok is free to come and visit you at the Holy flat 18

it’s become his second home because he comes by so often

seunghee isn’t so weirded out by her professor being basically one of her friends, and in-fact she tries to abuse this by trying to get him to give her “in-law special treatment”

(“i gave you special treatment on your ugly volcano!” “OI the mother of your child helped make that volcano!!!”)

he really doesn’t give any bias tho he basically passes everybody

“i mean,” hoseok begins, and you move between his legs for him to get a good angle. considering you two haven’t been ‘together’ long, you’re incredibly comfortable around him. “yeah, actually. wow, they have!”

“rIGHT? none of my bras fit me anymore. oh god, i’m gonna have to start buying granny bras- do you think they’ll get that big?”

“it’s possible. all women increase in size during pregnancy. actually, some can lose weight instead of putting it on.”

“not me.”

“no, but you look healthy and gorgeous and i like it.”

you giggle- the same giggle he remembers you doing on the Big Night- and shuffle into some bigger trousers that you and haseul went to buy a few days ago

clothes just aren’t fitting anymore and so while you’re upgrading to trendy maternity-style clothes haseul and seunghee are super excited to go to town with outfits they can make from your wardrobe

“well, good! because you’re stuck with me for the next….like, nine months.”

“technically, it’s seven months now.”

you glare

“but i’m gonna still be here after those seven months!!!”

“good!!! you better be,” you shuffle over to sit next to him with your legs around him- one behind and one over his lap and he smiles down at you, “because i’m growing fond of you.”

“well that’s convenient, because i’m rather fond of you, too.”

outside the door, jimin starts laughing “wtf it’s 2018 who says fond anymore?”

12 weeks :)

this morning you realise

wow

i’m actually pregnant pregnant

you’re starting to show now and honestly...looking at it, you realise how creepy baby bumps are

“oh my GOD, seunghee come look at it now it’s gotten really big!”

it’s not even that big

but it’s bigger

seunghee is so excited about this fact

the flat have been taking pictures of the bump every week and printing it so they can keep a timeline for when honey is born

jeongguk and seunghee are still dead set on honey being a little baby boy but haseul is trying to convince them otherwise

“we’re calling her honey for now, right? so, what i have planned, is, we buy her a bee onesie. representing both bees AND the bee movie. worlds best dressed baby.”

you started to develop a fear of going to class because you’re unsure on how people will take the news that you’re pregnant

you’re not that much of a popular person but everybody in the class knows you well enough to know that you’re not the type to sleep around

so it would be a valid shock to hear that you’re pregnant

but you have to go because you can’t afford to miss anymore classes

and you also have to….break the news to your professors because at some point you’re going to have to have a lot of time off to pop out a human being

“he’s the size of a plum by now, isn’t he?”

jeongguk is particularly excited about honey this morning and he has literally not shut up about them since you got into class

“yes, THEY are about the size of a plum- did seunghee tell you that?”

“omg no im a good best friend and i did all my research!! it’s so cute that they compare honey to fruits online- next week he’s gonna be as big as a lemon!”

class is….just your luck, pretty busy today

most students are in the drawing rooms and a few are drawing a still life model

jeongguk gets right to work finishing his final project while you head to the office to speak to your professor, who is really lazy and sits in his office all day and doesn’t even supervise

professor choi, the lovely lady who ends up running all classes, is the dearest angel and you’re ready to chat to her next

professor bowen, your grouchy art professor, is literally so :| when you break the news

like he could not give two shits

he puts down his coffee and is like “oh. well, i couldn’t tell. congratulations, talk to the dean about your maternity dates. and shut the damn door behind you.”

like

damn sir okay

professor choi <3 is so <3 excited <3

she immediately goes to touch your stomach and then quickly stops herself like “oops, silly me! i remember when i had my first child i was so picky with who could touch my belly!! heeheehee how many weeks are you darling!!”

she’s already getting so excited and inviting herself to the birth

like please professor choi

we love you but please don’t turn up for the birth

PLEATHE

she keeps making invitations to bring the baby to classes when they’re born because “obviously im amazing with babies and ooh i just can’t wait to see them! jeongguk- don’t tell me you stepped up and did this all by yourself?”

jeongguk nearly throws up

“EWWWWWWW wtf i mean y/n babe i love you but EWWHJFHJKS why would i want to be with y/n she’s like my annoying sister! no the daddy is ho-”

and you’re like BITCH STOP!!!

“....honestly the best man on planet earth? you definitely don’t know him at all.”

14 weeks :)

“okay, miss l/n. it’s going to feel a little bit cold, but we’re going to put some ultrasound gel on your stomach now, is that okay?”

it’s the day of the ultrasound!!!

for you and hoseok this is the Big moment next to birth because it’s almost like final confirmation that there’s a baby in there

at this point you’re starting to show a lot

it’s big enough for you and flat 18 to know there’s a difference

but tbh if people didn’t know you they might just think you’ve got a few pounds on you and nobody cares at all at uni like literally nobody gives a fuck about what anybody else looks like

hoseok got permission of the dean to get the day off (he told them that his girlfriend was going for an ultrasound and so he just had to be there, and the dean, not knowing any better, was all smiles and said, “of course, professor jung! congratulations! i didn’t know you were expecting, or even dating!”)

because the best thing about being jung hoseok is the fact that he’s well known and it gets him out of trouble sometimes

thankfully the dean is old and dumb and didn’t clock on to the fact that you paid her a visit like a few weeks prior asking about maternity dates :)

PHEW!!!

jung hoseok’s job: saved

hoseok is holding your hand reassuringly and is sitting to your left, the other hand on your ankle and his leg is going cRAZY it’s just bobbing like heck next to the bed

a part of him is still really sort of insecure because even though the sonographer and nurse present don’t know that hoseok is a professor at your uni, he still feels really weird knowing who he is and how you could do better and could be doing better and more if it weren’t for stupid him not putting on a condom

he is so excited to have this baby but he thinks about that a lot, about how he’s basically ruined your life by putting a baby inside of you

you look incredibly excited though, lying on the bed with your eyes really wide and expectant because omg this is your baby!!!!

now that you’re here there’s some finality

ever since you found out you were pregnant there had been so many doubts but now that you’re here, with hoseok, about to see honey for the first time…

alexa play Despacito cause this is epic

“okay. let’s see what your baby is getting up to in there!”

this sonographer is really enthusiastic apparently

“alrighty. so, as you can see...oh! always a good sign- we have a confirmed heartbeat. usually that puts parents at ease, knowing their baby is all okay and healthy in there!”

and then she starts listing off various body parts but in all honesty you cant see a thing

hoseok is very interested in the screen and his smile gets wider at every body part she lists off

you really should be invested in the baby inside of you but when he smiles like that :( you just wanna grab him and kiss him really deeply

“everything seems to be perfectly fine with your baby, miss l/n. a very beautiful baby. they’re about the size of a peach right now, isn’t that just incredible?”

hoseok’s grinning like it’s his default facial expression

he squeezes your hand really tight and kisses it three times

“that’s our baby,” you say, still in motherly awe. “they’re real! we did THAT!”

“yeah, we did,” he replies, lips still pressed against your skin. “i’m proud of you.”

“i haven’t done anything yet!”

but really you have

to him you’re one of the bravest people he’s ever met in his entire life and he knows it must be so so hard for you to accept the fact that you’re having a baby aged 20 during uni

not that it’s uncommon but it’s just….not particularly ideal? at this moment in time?

“im so happy right now.”

“me too, baby.” you squeeze his hands, “me too!!!! our baby!!!! honey is the size of a peach already!!!”

he starts laughing

hoseok is just so overwhelmed with emotions he genuinely feels like he might cry rn

“i’m so happy it’s with you,” he says honestly and like the nurse is like :’) and you’re like :’o “it could have been anyone at any point in my life, but i’m so glad it’s with you.”

you look at him in awe

because that’s the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to you

like

ever

you tug him gently by the hand and he brings himself forward and

SMOOCH

you believe this is the first kiss he has given you since the “big shindig” (for some reason, flat 18 are obsessed with calling everything a shindig and so it just sort of stuck)

so it’s a big deal

and it’s also at the place where your pregnancy was confirmed

it’s perfect

the nurse is like AWWWWWWWWW

the sonographer is just like “anyways ! do you want to know the gender !!!”

you and hoseok have talked about maybe finding out sooner

it would put flat 18 at rest knowing if honey is a girl or a boy

but deep down it’s like...if honey is a boy or a girl for definite you don’t want the nickname honey to go away when you start referring to it as a name you both like...and plus like isnt it way too early

hoseok is happy with whatever choice you want because he likes the element of surprise

you two decided a couple of days ago that it could be super cute to have a reveal party

jimin was particularly excited about that idea (“I’M GONNA MAKE THE CUPCAKES”)

“um actually, can you like put it in an envelope!! we want to have a reveal party so it’s gonna be a surprise for now!”

the nurse and stuff are like “omg yes of course!!” and so it’s sealed away in a little envelope

“i can’t believe we’re actually like...almost parents,” hoseok says on the way back to the car.

“i know. it’s so weird. i can’t believe WE’RE having a kid together.”

hoseok helps strap you in because he’s one of THOSE expecting fathers who like as soon as he knows it’s happening he’s cautious about EVERYTHING

literally everything

falling out of bed when he’s staying over? not allowed, he’s making pillow barriers

tripping over rugs? the rug is being rolled up and put away

hotel? trivago

“it’s actually super funny to me because like i always fantasised about boning the Daddy of biology and look at where we are right now!!”

he starts the car- “the ‘daddy of biology’? what??”

and you’re like, “oh yeah oops haha basically i had a fat old crush on you and we all started calling you that.”

“i’m...honoured? well i knew you had a crush on me already, heehee”

as he pulls out of the hospital he glances over and grins to himself. “if it makes you feel better, i remember telling yoongi about the cute friend of seunghee who comes to my class every other day. yoongi made fun of me for weeks afterwards, and now look at us!!”

(yes it boosts your ego a little bit)

when christmas comes around hoseok makes an ultimate surprise

you end up showing off the baby scan like it’s a broken wrist in primary school because everybody wants to see the little honey

jeongguk is CONVINCED he can see a penis and so he’s like 98% sure it’s a baby boy

haseul tells him several times that it’s literally honey’s foot but he’s having none of it

you call your mom and tell her that you’re coming to see her in early january

(specifically january 4th)

she’s weirdly suspicious about it but nonetheless excited

hoseok has made plans for you to meet his family just afterwards so you’re going to be showing off the scan quite frequently

flat 18 don’t like doing gifts at christmas but jimin always bakes goodies for the flat

this year you’re particularly upset because you have yet to taste jimin’s christmas cookies and you already took your recommended amount of sugar by the time his cookies are done

“one cookie won’t hurt honey,” seunghee says

“i’m not taking aNY risks with it!!!”

hoseok makes a stop by the flat after you’ve had your first christmas dinner as a flat <3 aw

he shocks everybody when he walks in because he’s gone the extra mile and got gifts for everybody in the flat

“it’s just a way of me saying thanks for looking after my babies,” he says as he hands out the gifts

you can literally feel jeongguk’s smirk

and of course !!! he got you like three gifts because you’re secretly like the love of his life

even though it’s really not a secret but still

he mostly gets you the typical christmas things like things he knows you wanted (like that sailor moon designer ring that you don’t need really but omg its gorgeous and you want matching)

the last gift is really small and you’re like :O because the small gifts are usually the super thoughtful ones

it’s keys….

you’re almost like “HUH”

then it clicks

“oh...my...GOD?????”

hoseok bought the place you and him went to check out a few weeks back (the one just a few minutes away from the flat and campus)

AND IT DOESN’T END THERE

he’s all giggly and happy when you start BLUBBERING about how you own a house and now you can get a nursery and omg no more listening to jimin and jeongguk screaming over super smash ultimate in the living room

“because i think it’s time we live together, as a family, you know?” he says, holding you in his arms and kissing your face really sweetly. “it’ll be so good, living with my girlfriend and soon enough, my baby.”

“g-girlfriend?”

“well, yeah baby, of course. wanna be my girlfriend? please?”

you cry even more

“wtf yes of course i do :(”

(flat 18 are extremely territorial and are only settled and content with you leaving when hoseok takes them to the house and they’re like :D okay we’re coming over every weekend)

((haseul cries when she sees the room that’s gonna be the nursery))

15 weeks ^_^

“what if your mom beats my ass?”

today is january 4th which means it is the day that hoseok is going to meet your family

and also the day they are going to indirectly meet the little honey :’)

honey is now the size of a navel orange according to the website that everyone in flat 18 has pinned on their laptop chrome browser

which is really cute

jimin is the flat 18 member who likes to call honey everything but honey and recently started nicknaming them after the fruits on the website

so he’s like, “good morning little satsuma!” or “hello navel orange, how are you?” when he sees you around the flat

you’re probably going to be officially moved out by next week which is really exciting teeheehee

“she won’t….probably. my mom is really nice! she’ll like you!”

“will she still like me when she finds out i teach biology to seunghee?”

“yes probably, i don’t think she really knows what that means.”

“what, biology?”

“no, i don’t think she’ll realise that you’re a professor at my- you know what, never mind that. did you lock the car?”

since christmas and becoming hoseok’s official girly, you two have just been closer than ever

hoseok is still really cautious about the baby stuff because this is obviously his first baby ever

he’s that person who thinks having sex will like kill the baby

of course, he did try it once

just to say he’d had sex with a pregnant lady

“that’s one for the bois.”

“what bois, you don’t have any friends, baby.”

“NOT true i have like 3 friends!!”

when hoseok timidly knocks on your mom’s front door he’s so so nervous when a big buff man opens the door instead

inside he’s like wtf i thought y/n’s dad was like GONE

but then you’re like “oh hi daren! yeah, this is my boyfriend, hoseok, hoseok this is my mom’s boyfriend!”

you didn’t tell hoseok just because you got pleasure seeing him look so terrified at the thought of telling ur Dad that he knocked you up

thankfully you’re not close enough to daren for him to have any protective feelings for you

not like a close dad would anyway

when he meets your mom it’s literally like meeting an older You

like

your mom is so nice :(

she greets hoseok really really excitedly and is all for embarrassing you within 5 minutes of you coming home

“did you know that it’s been exactly four years and five months since y/n came home with a BOY? she never comes home with anybody!!! i thought she was joining a nunnery!!!”

like omg…..so funny…...really, like, joke of the year

your sister is also here and she’s looking at hoseok like -_o because…. “i’ve seen you somewhere…”

now you’re shaking

omg does she KNOW

“i mean, he was at [cousin’s name]’s wedding hahahha...that’s probably how u know him….small world.”

“ew what do you MEAN he was there- he’s not family is he?”

o.o

“wtf no he’s a friend of [groom’s name] wtf Why would i be dating him if he was family What is wrong with you?”

you guys have a nice little snack and tea together and hoseok starts to feel really comfortable

but then Mrs y/n puts down her tea and sits back in her chair, slapping her thighs: “alright then. so what’s this big surprise you have for us?”

oh

oh yeah he forgot about the fact that you’re having his kid and you’re about to drop the news

suddenly he wants to throw up the brownies he just ate

and your sisters blue shirt looks like a perfect place to throw up <3

“well, it’s kind of been a surprise to us all, actually,” you begin, and you take hoseok’s hands in your own and your sister narrows in on it and she knows like right away

she thought she saw the bump but didn’t want to mention it because You’re the sensitive sister and if it was just weight gain she didn’t wanna handle you crying everywhere

but now she knows and she sits back in her seat and starts to smile

she wants to say something but hoseok looks at her like owo please don’t say anything sis

(she doesn’t)

“but, me and hoseok are in a very...close relationship-”

“oh god you got married didn’t you.”

“um, no, but, i’m sure that’s in the future, right? y-yeah? right, yeah, um…”

“it’s not something we’re discussing right now,” hoseok blurts out. “but, i mean, i want to? soon? like later?”

your mom is literally there like “well what is it????”

“.....i’m pregnant.”

“...oh.”

...

...

“REALLY???????”

your mom is shook to the core

she really doesn’t believe you until you whip out the baby scan

and she starts sobbing

like full on sobbing like she’s just been punched in the face by bowser

daren is all smiles and is like “wow congrats!”

your sister hugs both you and hoseok and says to hoseok in his ear “can you please sign my copy of “ouch mitosis” because it’s my favourite book and i totally knew you were famous the moment you walked in” and pulls away and is like “im so excited to be an aunt!!! what’s the gender!!! when are they due!!! what are you gonna call them!!!!”

needless to say your sister leaves with a signed copy of hoseok’s big money book

and your mom is now 100% hooked on the baby being called honey

week 17 :-)

you and hoseok are now homeowners officially !!!!!

flat 18 have come down to visit as a sort of moving in house-warming party and hoseok invited his “three friends” (by friends he means work colleagues lmao)

jimin is still weirded out by the fact that professor jung heard him talking about his fantasy of having professor min inside his GUTS and so tries to avoid hoseok and yoongi when they are together

hoseok also cannot forget hearing that :-( his ears :-( are tainted :-(

it’s your first real time meeting hoseok’s friends

like you’ve never really met namjoon or seokjin but you know of them

because everybody knows about the married Gays of your uni like it made the news and everybody was invited to their after party last year

(yes you went but only like for fifteen minutes because you remembered that you had an art history essay due the next morning that hadn’t been done)

for the sake of you and honey, seunghee tries not to be weirded out by the fact that so many members of staff are at your house and wtf hi professor min WHY are you here again

“can i touch?” seokjin asks really suddenly after hoseok is showing yoongi and namjoon the room that will be the nursery

currently it’s empty with like one box and that one box is full of clothes haseul ordered on impulse

“um. yes!!”

“are you sure? i know some moms get really protective over who touches and i don’t wanna overstep-”

“put ur freakishly big hand on my belly right now!”

he does and he gets really excited touching because he’s never actually touched a baby belly before

namjoon is most excited about the nursery and he’s listing off things hoseok could get

like “OOOO you could totally get one of those really big stuffed bears if you’re going for neutral tones- wait, that’s such a good idea? i’ll order one.”

and hoseok’s like mm okay sweetie sure whatever spend your money on me it’s okay

yoongi is really just. in awe of the baby scan

like it’s not even his baby and he’s tearing up like wtf that’s his niece or nephew that’s his mf baby!!!!!! that’s gonna be the person he spends all his cash on!!!!! he’s so excited to be broke and baby whipped!!!

“and so what, you’re like seventeen weeks?”

“yep! i’m almost four months uwu!!! honey is as big as a pomegranate, how cute!! time flies when you’re having fun huh!”

seokjin pauses and asks the big question like “but like what are you going to do about maternity? are they letting you have days off school? because i can totally send one of my sociology kids to take notes in your lectures because i have authority apparently and you’re like. family? i could do that.”

and you’re like “omg pls no that kid needs their own education!!!” and you tell him that your professors and the dean let you have time off near the due date (which should probably be around june!! a summer babie)

“but it sucks because i wanted to have a gender reveal party and invite some people from uni but then they’re gonna find out that hoseok is the dad and he could like lose his job :(”

and then seokjin is like: “wait but you study art and not biology?”

… “what do you mean?”

“well, policy says that you can’t have a relationship between a teacher and their student. but if you’re in completely different departments….and he doesn’t teach you, therefore can’t have bias over your grades or anything like that…..then really you’re allowed to be with him.”

..

what

wHY DIDN’T YOU KNOW THIS????

“since when is that a thing????”

“since like. the day our uni was founded?????”

ob viously when hoseok finds out he’s like O____O “how did you know that omg??”

and seokjin is so done he’s just sitting there with his face looking like this -__-

“it’s literally in the Faculty Handbook that you’re supposed to read before you join the uni as a teacher…”

and hoseok scoffs and grins sheepishly, “yeah well yoongi got me the job so i didn’t read any of that.”

(from across the room jimin groans)

((“so i guess this means i can’t seduce yoongi at a family wedding huh.”))

week 20 :’)

you have somehow adopted the name of “campus milf”

which jimin doesn’t think is that bad of a nickname

“it could be worse, y/n. let that sink in.” and he’s right it really could be worse

nobody actually really cares that you’re pregnant like really they could care less

some students say weird things but it doesn’t really bother you bc like lmao? who even are you Jongin Get out of here!

people aren’t 100% familiar with hoseok being the father but it goes without saying that it will be around campus in less than 15 hours because majority of the art department were present for the gender reveal and oh look

jeongguk invited taehyung and taehyung invited his friends and now there’s a whole bunch of jocks at the gender reveal party?????

the party is obviously at your house

YOUR HOUSE!!!! YES MF THATS URS!!!!

you invited your close family and flat 18 of course and jeongguk invited taehyung who invited his girlfriend binnie and his roomie jackson and jackson, being part of the football team, invited some of the jocks

you would have cared if the jocks hadn’t brought gifts but half of them turned up with a gift or food and so you’re like “okay well come on in boys i’m y/n hi we’ve literally never ever met”

it looks really funny seeing jocks in their fucking JERSEYS (like they couldn’t have changed for this one occasion) standing around your backyard with glasses of wine

oK maybe jeongguk has a vodka and dr pepper but that’s because he did blow up all the balloons from his lungs alone and he deserved a reward

hoseok invited his family too and his friends and that’s about it

your art professor is also here too and she is technically half of the art department (or half of those you care about because weird quiet kid Jisung didn’t wanna show up which is honestly really rude and suddenly you’re not friends anymore)

even though this party technically reveals the gender, you both asked for “gender neutral” clothes and by gender neutral you meant any colour besides the stereotypical blue and pink

because what if honey really likes the colour green? what then

you and hoseok let jimin be in charge of the reveal party and he’s done a pretty good job

for some reason he’s wearing his hoodie up and you’re like “literally what the fuck it’s sunny today?”

and he’s all surrender hands: “that’s exactly why. i don’t...like the sun.”

“what do you mEAN??????? you love the sun don’t lie??!!”

a couple of weeks ago you and hoseok made another visit to the hospital to see if the gender was 100% accurate

the process was weirdly fast and the sonographer was like “lol yeah it’s right” and then dipped

so when you have jimin the envelope he has peeped and done the thing

“haha lol i knew it.”

“no you didn’t??????”

but he did a really lovely job; there’s a cluster of balloons and cakes decorated with the Blue and Pink and there’s like a cute game on like guess the gender or something you don’t really care much about

hoseok’s family really want it to be a boy <3

mrs y/n wants it to be a girl and so does your sister <3

you don’t really care just as long as the baby is okay and healthy <3

when it’s time to reveal the gender jimin has decided that a fantastic way to do that is by giving you and hoseok like one of those party poppers that when it pops it bleeds like coloured confetti and stuff

you actually really like the idea because it’s not as awkward as a cake where you cut and it’s awkwardly long and the reaction feels kind of forced (you youtubed reveal parties)

so this one is really like a quick reaction so hopefully it will feel a lot more genuine!

“are you ready, baby?”

hoseok has one arm wrapped firmly around your waist and oh LAWD

he’s doing the smile

you know the smile

you nod and grin at him like “yep! let’s see who honey really is!!!”

so everybody is ready

so excited

jeongguk is filming like he can feel it in his bones rn that this babie is gonna be a boy

like it’s gonna be his son...half son….almost son….technically his non biological son

everybody does a countdown

“three!”

hoseok smiles super excitedly

“two!”

he kisses your lips super fast and laughs quietly

he’s so excited

“one!”

POP

wait what

you can feel your stomach CHURNING when the party popper releases literally nothing but black and white confetti

what just happened?

what does black and white mean?

you’re looking desperately between hoseok and the popper and then back to jimin who’s faking a :O by the patio doors

jeongguk is like “aw fuck should i restart?”

“omg is it a dud? what happened is this a busted popper please say it is omg is there something wrong with honey? is honey okay? oh my god is honey dead? oh my god why would we party pop that?????”

hoseok’s like “omg calm down it’s just a dud omg it’s okay”

you’re literally like about to cry

then jimin steps forward

“guys!”

and everybody looks

“yall gonna stress me the fuck out”

and in a viral video like fashion

he yanks down his hoodie and

oh wow

his head is a giant mop of blue

blue

BLUE MEANS BOY

ITS A BOY

everybody starts screaming and clapping and jeongguk is laughing his ASS off like this shit about to be the blurriest gender reveal video ever

“omg a boy!!! a boy!!! y/n we’re having a son!!! omg y/n our baby!!! our little honey!!!”

hoseok is over the freaking moon

like he has not been this excited since the first baby scan

you actually start crying now

“i’m not CRYING it’s just the pregnancy…. ok fuck OFF IM CRYING IM SO HAPPY!!! i’m having a son!!!!”

time for haseul to be both happy and sad at the same time

seunghee and jeongguk are like sucking eachothers titties right now like they are so hyped

“TOLD YOU !!!! I KNEW IT!!!!!”

hoseok brings you in for the biggest and longest kiss Ever

like you haven’t had many long kisses with hoseok because it’s been trying to build up a relationship time for the past three months of your life

but this kiss is so loving you almost faint

he brings you in so gently and holds your head in his hands

one thumb rubs across your cheekbone and wow. this kiss...is so good like are those stars???

“i love you.”

alexa...ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO RIGHT NOW

“i love You more,” you whisper against his lips and he makes this really cute noise at the back of his throat (kinda like one of those whines you do where it’s like too good to be true) and he kisses you again

jeongguk zooms in

“look at this….ugh, no respect for any single people here.”

(for a brief moment jimin’s bleached blue scalp goes unnoticed until yoongi compliments him on it)

((he disappears for like fifteen minutes in the toilet and yoongi doesn’t wanna know what he was doing))

22 weeks!!!!

hoseok really probably shouldn’t find you sexy right now

you keep going on and on and on about how un-sexy you are with swollen ankles and stuff

in his opinion you’re looking really good considering and he won’t say it but the weight gain looks good on you and it gives you a nice natural #dewy look that he really loves

he remembers how cautious he was about having sex with you at like. what? 10 weeks

character development time

he’s very aware of the research and the facts and so when you shuffle over to him and huff and act all extra EXTRA touchy he’s just knows

“omg are you horny AGAIN”

“im SORRY IT JUST HAPPENS”

and he doesn’t really care that you’re big and pregnant and yeah actually your ankles are kinda swollen but it’s fine

hoseok discovers that he actually really likes pregnancy sex

pregnancy sex always scared him bc omg what if my dick touches my KID that would be all levels of weird

but he is like a biology professor and knows that’s not realistic (he thinks)

and like he was aware that at some point during pregnancy, your body is gonna be producing a lot more fluid

but my GOD

he nearly bust a nut after 3 seconds because he just slid right in

unlike the big shindig 22 weeks ago, hoseok is so so SO careful during pregnancy sex

like he’s extra loving and strokes your hair and kisses your face and arms and stomach

he loves kissing ur tummy :(

esp after sex because he’s like “im sorry honey :( i know you must be traumatised in there.”

but in the moment he really does take advantage of the fact that your hormones are going crazy and it’s not gonna last forever

you’re a talker in bed and he knows that

you’re very vocal about how things feel and some of the things you say really get to his ego like his head is so big rn

“oh...OH, omg, yep, you found it, oh fuck- yes! hoseok, yes, right there-”

and you sound so fucking hot but he can’t be rough bc like Honey is gonna be SCARRED FOR LIFE

your thing is saying i love you during sex

like a lot

hoseok finds it so endearing that you talk and whine with like every thrust and then spill out a thousand “i love you’s” in under thirty seconds as you cum <3 because <3 that’s his girl <3 that’s the love of his life <3 and she loves him back <3 heeheehee

his heart swells with pride

((hoseok also gets extremely turned on that one time you call him daddy during sex and he HAS to find out how to get rid of that kink before honey gets here))

23 weeks :P

as promised, you invite seunghee to help you and hoseok paint the nursery

jimin came too but he literally did nothing

all he did was sit on the floor looking at baby furniture like

jimin sweetie these walls aren’t gonna paint themselves

you have decided on a cream and beige coloured nursery

because it’s unisex and also makes the room feel really bright and clean and nice for when honey arrives

hoseok loves yellow and since the nursery is primarily your favourite colours, a lot of smaller accessories are yellow around the room

seunghee had so much fun looking for ~yellow~ items because “monkeys totally match the theme and omg this mobile is monkeys and bananas its already on its way i’ve just ordered it.”

the nursery takes roughly around a week to get done completely

alongside your studies, some other art students who are now very aware of the baby and the bump helped paint some of the furniture while you were catching up on some work

example a: you accidentally ordered a dark brown chester drawers and when it arrived you cried for like 45 minutes

jeongguk asked some kids from class to come by your house after class and help paint it so you didn’t feel so stressed and so you could actually finish your art assignments in prep for exams

hoseok and jeongguk helped put up the crib because “this is not a one man job, y/n, this...this is a test of skill.”

yoongi comes around often to look at the nursery and he’s the person who won’t buy anything until the baby is out and in the world

namjoon definitely does buy the huge stuffed bear for the corner of the room and often you catch seunghee asleep against it because she comes by the nursery so often to help you and hoseok make it perfect

because hoseok has a full time job that really requires all of his time and sometimes he can’t be working on the nursery and marking essays at the same time :(

“hee, can you pass me the blankets from that box over there?” you point to a collection of boxes by the wardrobe and seunghee nods, practically running over

you’re both working on the nursery (it’s friday afternoon and classes are over, but unfortunately hoseok had to finish a meeting and he’s currently in his office ((at home)) finishing these essays for the weekend)

yoongi called and said he’d be round later because he wants to check in on honey (and you of course) and he’s also coming for dinner because it’s normal to invite jimin’s physics professor around

it’s totally fine

at this point you sort of forget that he’s a professor

yoongi has become like a permanent figure in your life since hoseok and you moved in

like flat 18, he’s literally always over

seunghee fishes out like three blankets because lord knows you have about three hundred thanks to haseul and namjoon and their impulsive buying

the nursery is basically finished at this point

all you’re doing is adding blankets and a few cute little pillows to the crib and then

hey pasta

it’s done :)

“y/n, i really can’t wait for honey to be here.”

you turn slightly and see seunghee running her hands over the chester drawers, looking at the cute little decorations and pictures on the wall and the monkey mobile and, her favourite part, the little bee wall stickers that hoseok found and thought were cute (“we call him honey, it seems fitting!”)

“me too,” you reply super honestly, setting down the blanket. “if you had told me at the start of september that i’d be here right now, in a house i own, pregnant with jung hoseok’s baby...i would have seriously laughed in your face.”

“i’m just...so happy that everything is working out for you!”

it’s time for seunghee to get especially sappy

“and i know that having a baby at twenty can be really hard and it hasn’t been easy for you- but i’m 100% here for you whenever you need me and i’m so so so so happy that jimin introduced us as friends because i love having you in my life….even though you slept with my biology professor….it’s okay….i love you so much….you’re like my sister and i’m so excited for honey have i said that i’m excited yet? cause i am!!!”

you blame pregnancy hormones because you start sobbing when seunghee blurts out all these lovely things

like how she’s grateful to be helping you in the nursery and how she thinks you and hoseok are such a good match and how she misses having you around the flat <3

“seunghee…” you bring her in for such a tight cuddle

seunghee is definitely that friend who even though she’s older she feels like the little baby sister that you want to protect from all harm on earth

even though she’s the oldest out of the flat 18 gang, you all look to her as like a baby sibling

(minus jeongguk that ONE TIME he made out with her….yes you remember the text message)

so you’re just hugging her in the middle of the nursery

hoseok is just about finished with essays and he refrains from like screaming out of joy

he loves being a professor but fucking hell

some of the GARBAGE his students write because they know he’s the cool professor who takes it easy on his kids

so he’s already packing everything away when he pauses

...is that...SQUEALING??

what’s happening??????

he assumes the worst and ZOOMS out of the office towards the nursery where you and seunghee are

safe to say that he’s so thankful nothing bad is happening

you’re holding your stomach with the widest eyes and smile and seunghee is like SQUEALING LIKE A DAMN PIGLET

“is everything okay???? what happened???? is honey okay?????? are you okay?????”

he blinks so confused when you wave your hands at him and beckon him closer

“HE KICKED HE’S KICKING QUICK QUICK HOBI QUICK--”

HE CROSSES THE ROOM SO FAST

seunghee is like crying to the side of the room and hoseok has both hands on your stomach

honey stopped kicking when hoseok put his hands on there

and he was like :( oh

“maybe he went to sleep?” seunghee doesn’t want hoseok to feel bad about it

you put your hands over his and then stroke your tummy

“it’s okay, honey, it’s just daddy! say hi to daddy?”

hoseok’s like seconds away from crying

like omg R His Eyes Filling Up

but then

honey starts kicking again

VERY ENTHUSIASTICALLY

and hoseok goes from :’( to :’D in like 2 seconds

“oh my god he knows it’s me!!! hi honey!!!! hi!!!”

he drops to his knees so that he can be level with the stomach and around about where honey is kicking

“hi honey! it’s your daddy,” he puts on this really cute cooing voice Like the typical baby talk voice

seunghee is texting the flat like HONEY KICKED ME

“he knows your voice,” you say with a little laugh, one hand on your tummy and the other threading through hoseok’s hair

“this is amazing,” he mutters, and then kisses your tummy and smiles, “did you feel that, honey? can you hear me?”

KICK KCIK CKICKCKCKCIC

“omg yes i think he can hear you holy SHIT-”

“don’t swear in front of honey!!!”

“he HURTS!”

everybody forgot that jimin was still here because he was napping in the living room and so he comes in really late and is like “OMG HONEY IS KICKING? WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY TELL ME??”

honey seems to be familiar with a lot of voices

he obviously really likes mommy’s voice and when she talks to him he likes to kick every once in a while

honey really loves daddy’s voice because when hoseok does his daily chit-chat honey goes crazy

honey also knows jeongguk’s voice really well

jimin is afraid to go near honey because he kicked him when he went to kiss your tummy

he also kicked haseul but she was like “OOOH HE HEARD ME!!!!” and doesn’t let it bother her because!!! she felt the kick!!!! that’s her nephew!!!!

26 weeks (yawn)

it’s starting to hit

the Pregnancy Pains

up until now you’ve been pretty blessed and actually it’s been a nice pleasant journey

but good grief it’s 4:56am and everything hurts

you physically cannot stay in bed any longer

for a moment you actually get really panicked because oh GOD labour is gonna be so much worse than this

like this is nothing

girl you have no idea what’s coming

hoseok has learned to become a light sleeper

you have a really weird sleeping schedule during pregnancy and sometimes he’d wake up at 6am to go to work and you’re already up doing stuff and he gets home at like 6pm sometimes and you’re flat out, then waking up at 3am to continue the day because you were in agony

so when you wake up at (nearly) 5am on a SATURDAY he’s like already up

his body clock is so weird now thanks to you and your weird sleeping habits

“hurts?” hoseok asks rubbing your back as you’re slumped over the side of the bed. he barely catches a nod and kisses your temple and hugs you, “i read on that baby website that baths can help ease the pain sometimes. should i run one?”

you nearly CRY

“yes yes Yes please omg :(”

so that’s how he got to where he is right now

sitting on the bathroom floor running a bath

he’s so careful to get the temperature right and he spends a good three minutes deciding which lush bath bomb is going to be used

(he settles on “honey bee” which was actually a gift he got you on valentines day but you never got around to using) ((he was skeptical because of the colours but baby is called honey so he thought it would be cute)) (((you loved it)))

you hobble into the bathroom and he’s just about finishing it up, running his fingers in the water to make sure it’s not toooOOO hot

you love watching the colours fizz in the bath and so naturally you have to be there to see it happen

seeing all the yellows was pretty exciting and hoseok’s just like :D watching you get happy by the colours

hoseok helps you get undressed as you just talk on and on and on

honestly

how do you have so much energy at like 5am in the morning…

he can’t help but notice how much you are GLOWING

like he hasn’t really seen many pregnant women

if any at all besides you

but you really look so pretty and natural and just wow he’s full of love

as you sit down in the bath, you grip onto his hand as he moves to get more comfortable and you’re like “do you wanna get in with me!!!”

“baby, i don’t think i’m gonna fit.”

“you will i promise, get in here!”

he’s skeptical

“yea...i don’t think im gonna fit, love.”

oh he does

he fits

if he fits he sits and he FITS

he really underestimated how wide this bath was and he sits with his back near the taps and you’re facing him

you have enough room to put your legs on either side of him and you’re like sitting between his legs and in all honesty the tummy is the only thing between you and him and his dick

but like you’ve seen it before you don’t care

and he certainly doesn’t care about seeing any bits of you bc your his bABY thats his GIRL

“this smells amazing.”

“yeah, smells like-”

“honey!”

with hoseok being like. a full time professor and with you trying to make it to classes in between awful pregnancy pains, it’s hard to find time to spend with you because he’s really busy

sometimes you do actually go to class and end up like falling asleep on the desk and professor choi is like torn between letting you stay there or sending jeongguk to get you and take you home

“thank you for this, hoseok.”

:D “hey, hey, hey...anytime you need anything, i will do it, okay?”

“i know babe and you’ve been so so so so helpful these past few months and i know it must have been hard and a big adjustment but im just so glad you’re here and that we’re raising a family together like this means so much to me that you’re here with me and i just love you a LOT okay like a lot-”

“y/n l/n!” hoseok playfully cuts you off and holds your face in his hands (his signature pussy-throbbing move)

his hands are wet and now so is your face but you really don’t care

“you are,” he continues, “the love of my life. i couldn’t let you do this alone. meeting you, being with you- starting a family with you has been one of the best experiences of my whole life. and i wouldn’t change that for anything!!! i love you so much, and i love you even when you’re cranky, and i love you when you ask for really disgusting things to eat, and i love you when you sing to honey in the mornings. i’m just...so in love with you and honey, i can’t even put it into words!!!”

and he starts speaking so damn fast

like you BARELY catch it

“and you’re thebest thing that has ever happened to me and introducing you to my family was the proudest moment of my life and we’re gonna be the best parents ever and god i love you more than anything i would Die for you.”

…

i…

damn…

“...i think writing a best selling book is probably more worthy of pride than boring old me.”

“books are like a ten man job thing. you and me and honey are a two person job thing and i’m so proud of us, so proud of you :(”

he draws you in with a really soft kiss and its so. soft. and nice.

yep his dick is right up against honey right now

honey, sweetie, im so sorry oh god close your eyes baby close ur eyes

…

“we should get out soon bc this water is looking really ugly.”

“yeah i agree let’s get out”

30 weeks :3

<Y/N has created a new chat!>

from haseul: eye

from y/n: baby shower. 2 weeks time. my house. bring gifts or food

from y/n: preferably mustard sandwiches or sardines :)

from guk: thats fucking NASTY nobody bring that

from hoseok: last week she wanted meatballs and milk………….

from guk: do pregnant women deserve rights? be honest

from y/n: well looks like guk is no longer invited :)

from guk: NO PLS

from seunghee: YEAH BOIIIIII I HAVE SO MANY GIFTS

from yoongi: why did y/n just privately message me asking for blended sardines Hell nah pregnant women dont deserve rights

from y/n: WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN RN :(

from hoseok: so! bring cakes !!!!!!

from namjoon: i have the best gift ever Not To Brag

from jimin: hi professor min how do you like the weather today

<y/n has removed jimin from the chat>

from y/n: can you let taehyung know the date? i dont have his number but he gave really warm hugs when i last saw him and i want another one

from y/n: tell him to bring his girlfriend too she looks like she’ll bring me a good gift

from hoseok: omg im dating a gold digger….

32 weeks !!!!!!!

“baby showers are technically just a way for the mom to get gifts. this is technically baby exploitation-”

“oh my god jeongguk if you don’t shut up im gonna shove this stick of celery up ur ass”

not that you’re ready to admit it to anybody

but yeah you organised a baby shower just to get gifts

it’s really only small

in comparison to your gender reveal party which was quite large

and even though a lot of expecting moms like having “women only” baby showers

you realise that you really want hoseok to be there

he’s been as important in the process as you have and you wouldn’t want him to feel left out

so this baby shower is open to everybody

again it’s only small: attendees are hoseok, yoongi, namjoon, seokjin, flat 18, hoseok’s mom and sister, your sister and mom, taehyung and his gf and professor choi because she was so excited

that seems quite large but in comparison to the gender reveal party this is really quite small and humble

“i can’t believe it’s almost been 8 months already,” haseul says, already starting on the cupcakes

jimin has started baking things more frequently to keep himself busy during exam season

“mhm!!! not long now!!!”

thankfully hoseok’s mom and sister get on really well together with your family and professor choi is like boring yoongi to death talking about something art related

namjoon and seokjin are taking a look at the finished nursery because hoseok’s really proud of how it turned out

it’s time to open gifts uwu!!!

most of the gifts are for honey

thankfully everybody stuck to the cream theme and there’s a lot of cute cream things for honey to wear and use when he’s born

seunghee keeps buying monkey related things for honey meanwhile haseul is hung up on bees

namjoon buys a lot of bear things

you just hope that honey doesn’t grow up as a furry

jimin and jeongguk are the friends who buy those cringey weirdly inappropriate baby shirts that have quotes like, “daddy’s fastest swimmer!” or like onesies that say “my favourite food is titty!”

you sit there like what the FUCK is this

and jeongguk is like “it’s a shirt !!! honey will look so cute in it!!”

“hONEY IS NOT WEARING A SHIRT THAT SAYS THAT WHAT KIND OF MOM DO YOU THINK I AM??”

yoongi is weirdly fashionable with his baby clothes

like he has a thing for those teddy coats and he bought like eight in different colours

“honey might like red, you don’t know yet.”

namjoon and seokjin together :( give the cutest gift :(

“oK so most professors end up writing books and stuff-” side eye at hoseok - “and so i just thought that, well, honey is gonna wanna grow up reading and stuff so i made this book!!! well, we made this book. everyone helped somehow and jeongguk drew the pictures and it’s just a little something for honey to grow up with reading”

you wanna cry

hoseok wants to cry

haseul cries

it’s not even for her but she cries

“its JUST REALLY THOUGHTFUL OKAY?”

you think it ends there with everybody giving gifts

but oh no

no

hoseok has a gift??????????????

“this gift is for mommy” he says with a bright smile and out the corner of your eye yoongi is squirming with a smirk

...what does he know that you don’t….

your sister is also smiling……

where’s ashton kutcher…….

you unwrap this little box and open it and

wow

OOOOOOOOOF

you’re so still staring at this really gorgeously simple ring that you don’t even notice hoseok getting down on one knee

HASEUL IS REALLY CRYING RN

“with honey close on the way, i figured i ought to ask before things get crazy.”

omg you brave looking at him and hes got that look again

THE FOND LOOK

AND YOUR EYES START FILLING UP

“y/n l/n i love you and i wanna spend the rest of my life with you :’) will you marry me?”

there is not a dry eye amongst flat 18 right now

haseul actually has to go outside because omg she’s so happy for you

seunghee teared up a little bit and jimin cried but then started laughing

jeongguk is being so dramatic about it

he’s crying as if his pet dog just died

“i...cant believe….my girl is all grown up….i cant...breathe rn omg…..can someone get me a drink?”

35 weeks :o

finals are here

but since jeongguk and haseul are art (sort of) majors their finals were earlier than other subjects

and so you decide to brave life and visit flat 18 :’)

you see a bunch of people on the way there because apparently a lot of people live off campus and walk at the same time as you

like why is everybody here rn

at this point you get a few more stares because

omg is that y/n l/n she’s HUGE!!!!!

you’re genuinely past caring at this point

you’re huge and your pregnant and you’re confident

jeongguk and haseul are the only ones at flat 18 when you arrive

it feels weird being back but it’s nice because flat 18 was once your home

your room hasn’t really changed much and you discover that . sometimes taehyung stops round and crashes in YOUR ROOM???

and if it’s not taehyung then it can be any one of their friends they invite around

which you’re only slightly hurt about

“jesus CHRIST you’re massive!!!”

“thanks jeongguk that makes me feel soOoooO good about myself <3”

“NO, fuck,” and he pauses because there’s a No Swearing Policy around honey since it’s not apparent that since he can hear everything he can probably hear jeongguk swearing too. “i just meant that! wow honey got really big :D not long now!! five more weeks until due date!!!”

haseul plops down on the other side of you

“i can’t wait until he’s here,” she says. “little honey is already the size of a pineapple- which is really crazy to think about!!”

it’s nice to spend some time with your friends after like weeks of being with hoseok

and don’t get me wrong you LOVE hoseok with like every single cell inside your body

but it’s nice to have some You time

and You time has always involved flat 18 like they’re drugs and you’re the addict you genuinely can’t be away from them because it starts to hit you hard :-(

haseul is like halfway through telling you something when you Feel it

and it feels Disgusting

you freeze and look down at your stomach

and you watch as honey makes a grand appearance

honey sort of “rolls over” and for a moment everyone is like >:O as honey’s whole body is visible moving across your stomach and it’s literally like there’s an ALIEN inside of you

“OMG OMGOGG that was so beautiful!!! honey, do it again for me, we have to film this for your dada!!” haseul runs to get her phone

meanwhile guk is looking at your stomach like “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT”

“i dont know but it felt weird”

“IT LOOKED LIKE YOUR STOMACH WAS GONNA EXPLODE”

you bet that honey is like giggling inside

honey: 1 jeongguk: 0

39 weeks…

at 39 weeks, with the due date so close by, you start to feel like something is really wrong

you did some research and while contractions were normal, this pain doesn’t really feel like contractions?

“baby please talk to me, i need to know what hurts so i can call the hospital and let them know.”

hoseok has never ever had to take a call in lecture before but this time he had to

he is so frantic that he set the lecture to a task and really quietly answered the phone at the front of the class

nobody is stupid and they’re all aware that hoseok and yourself are having a baby and so they really don’t mind that their lecture is being paused by you crying on the phone

“i-i-i don’t know...my body hurts and i can feel h-honey moving but he feels stuck or something...hoseok s-something is wrong i think i need to go to the hospital right now”

hoseok goes into full blown panicked dad mode

seunghee is sitting at the front of the lecture like, “hose-i mean, professor jung, do you need me to go and get another professor?”

he doesn’t reply, obviously distressed, and so she ends up waking up yoongi from a nap saying that she thinks maybe you’re going into early labour???

yoongi lets the head of the department know that hoseok has go to like right now and he enters the lecture hall like, “hoseok you need to go and see if she’s okay, don’t worry, i’ll try and go through the rest of the slides, just go, everything is fine”

and so hoseok BOLTS out of the lecture hall

forgets to set homework

and runs across campus to the car-park whilst still on the phone

(yoongi lets the class go because he really doesn’t know SHIT about Behaviour and Physiology of Organisms)

when hoseok and yourself end up at the hospital you realise that it’s not labour like seunghee thinks but things are equally as worrying

honey is currently in the breech position

“most babies are supposed to have moved at around 36-37 weeks, so it is alarming that your baby is still in breech, miss l/n,” the nurse is particularly sympathetic as she lets you and hoseok know

you’re totally lost but hoseok is holding your hand so tight and is so so worried

it’s not really the end of the world that honey is feet first but it’s problematic and means that labour is gonna be a bit more difficult

“well what does this mean? is he okay?”

“your baby is fine, it’s his position that is concerning. it will be more difficult to birth the baby because of his position in the womb- what is more concerning is that we were aware of this at your last scan. last time we saw you, miss l/n, your baby was in the footling breech position. of course, it was possible that he might shift during the time away, but he is now in the flexed breech.”

“w-well….what does that mean? is he gonna be okay?”

“when you are in labour, we will have two options; we can either go through with a vaginal breech birth, or a caesarean birth, depending on how willing he is to come out.”

when hoseok squeezes your hand you just. cry a little bit

“i dont wanna hurt him omg i dont want to have a c section either wtf i thought i’d just have to push him out oh no”

hoseok is feeling awful :( because what is he supposed to do :(

“so what should we do?” he asks really timidly

the nurse frowns and cleans up her things, “i would only suggest going home and staying at home until due date. it really is not recommended that we induce labour naturally but you need to be very careful. your son is not willing to turn on his own or with our help, so we will see what the situation is like during your very early stages of labour and we can discuss what method we go through with. are we leaning more towards a vaginal birth, miss l/n?”

you’re all snotty and sniffly but you nod. “please :( i really don’t wanna be cut open i saw what bella had to go through and im not doing that”

hoseok scoffs “twilight is not a reliable pregnancy source, baby.”

“i do believe that bella had no real pregnancy equipment and that her vampire husband had to cut the baby out of her without any sort of painkillers. in a worse case scenario, you do have to go through with a caesarean birth, you will be safe and we will do our best to relieve the pain for you.”

well that’s reassuring

when you two get home after a long day of panicking you’re incredibly alarmed to find that flat 18, hoseok’s close friends and your sister are all at your house like ??????? what are YOU DOING HERE

it’s like the spiderman meme

“what am i doing here??? i LIVE HERE??? what are YOU DOING HERE????”

“seunghee and yoongi said you were in labour???”

“well im not!!??? why would you think i was in labour?”

seunghee gets really defensive “UM hoseok was like on the verge of a mental breakdown at the front of the classroom and so it made sense that you were in labour?? im sorry???? at least we’re all here???”

you end up having to explain to a whole bunch of people that you’re NOT about to birth a pumpkin sized baby yet

but it’s really hard telling them that honey is like the wrong way :(

surprisingly it’s jimin and the married kims who are most worried about it

jimin just thinks that this means honey is like in real bad danger and he’s like omg :( my son from another mum :( wtf is honey okay?

and the married kims are never going to go through birth like this and so they do feel really alarmed

after hoseok reassures them that everything is (hopefully) okay everyone is sitting there like

:) ok what now

“....shall we order chinese food?” guk suggests

and so you all end up piled in the living room in weird positions watching hell’s kitchen whilst eating chinese food because :) might as well :)

40 WEEKS

your due date is like 4 days away

and you’ve been lying awake with really bad contractions for like 2 hours

but you’re so indignant like you refuse to believe you could be going into labour

hoseok is awake too and omg he’s doing his best

like he just doesn’t know how to help besides hugging you

and he does hug you like so closely and his hands running up and down your side and he’s like humming in your ear to try and take your mind off it

“i feel like im gonna fucking SHIT myself wtf”

he cant help but laugh sometimes, “wanna try for the toilet, baby?”

and you’re like “yeah im not really in the mood for like POOPINg in our bed is that okay?”

he’s already up and getting ready to help you walk across the room

lately you’ve been really wobbly whilst walking and in a lot of pain so he does whatever he can to help

he’s at the bottom of the bed and you’ve just stood up

….

huh

“i think i just peed myself?”

“what? why?”

“i didnt mean to!!!”

and you glance down

and wow thats a lot of pee

…

OH

“OH MY FUCKING GOD MY WATER JUST BROKE”

and oh my god hoseok has NEVER MOVED SO FAST IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE

he rushes to get all his things and honestly your stuff has been in the living room for the past week just in case

all you need now is to spend at least fifteen minutes trying to decide which book to take because obviously you’re gonna have loooaaaads of time to read

“Y/N YOU DONT NEED THE BOOK COME ON HONEY IS COMING WE HAVE TO GOOOOO”

what makes hoseok more panicked is the fact that yOU’re panicked

“omg y/n please calm down i’m driving as fast as i can please please please omg”

“I CANT WHY IS HE COMING NOW HE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE YET”

hoseok crosses like 2 red lights and he’s freaking out double

“I JUST BROKE THE LAW”

“OKAY AND IM HAVING A FUCKING BABY SO KEEP DRIVING MISTER!!!”

you’re an angry birther

as he drives you decide to call jeongguk through the car because #technology

he answers like immediately

“hi babe whats up”

“JEONGGUK IM HAVING A BABY RIGHT NOW PLEASE COME TO THE HOSPITAL”

“what wha-WHAT OH MY FUCKING GOD HE’S COMING??”

“YES PLEASE TELL EVERYBODY- oh fuck hobi it hurtSSSS i wanna go home im not pushing him out yet-”

in the background guk has dropped his phone and is literally screaming around the house

in the back you can hear all of the flat screaming together because HONEY IS COMING

nobody is calm

when yoongi finds out he literally does not know what to do

when you hang up mid sentence he sits staring at the wall like “....omg”

quite literally everybody is a little stressed out when you’re at the hospital

your room is really nice and you’re like “oh wow hoseok you really spoiled me here, too bad i can’t enjoy it because im pushing out a WATERMELON”

obviously because honey is bum first instead of head first things are a little complicated

you’re actually really far in labour already like your mom said it took her like 5 hours to have your sister but turns out it’s been like 32 minutes exactly since your waters broke at home and the nurses seem to think you’re ready now

“NOW??? AS IN RIGHT NOW!!!”

“yep!! let’s bring your son into the world!!”

you discover by simply listening to the nurses that you’re going to be attempting an assisted breech vaginal birth and immediately you get panicked and flustered

you promised haseul and seunghee that they could be there during the birth :(

you had offered it to guk at first but he was like “i am nOT ready to see your vagina i’m sorry” and jimin said he wasn’t sure if he was up for seeing you in a lot of pain during the birth

and yoongi didn’t really want to be there for it because he’s a bit like both guk and jimin

hoseok didn’t mind at all that seunghee and haseul were asked to be there

in fact he was really encouraging of that fact

because both of them were there since the start

like

they watched u pee on those pregnancy tests

so you’re getting really anxious because what if honey comes before they’re here

“miss l/n i need you to breathe for me- please control your breathing! are miss l/n’s scheduled guests here?”

“...they’re in the lobby right now. they’re on their way, miss l/n. keep doing those breathing exercises- yes, there we go!”

hoseok is being nothing but supportive

he’s wiping down your head and holding your hand so tight

“you’re doing amazing, baby, you’re so so brave, i love you”

FINALLY haseul and seunghee bust through the doors

guk, jimin and yoongi are currently like milling around somewhere and your parents and hoseok’s parents have been told the news by guk and yoongi

you’re really fucking scared to have this baby

you did the stupid thing of googling what happens during a breech birth and it made you have a full blown panic attack after reading that honey could die during delivery

now that everything is ready for birth you’re really so scared that honey might not make it

before the midwives prop up your legs on the stirrups you take a good amount of gas an air

an epidural was suggested but hoseok knows that it’s not going to make that much of a difference for honey

and you just want to get him out of you quite honestly Nobody has time for an epidural like just get him out

hoseok feels AWFUL when you’re literally screaming in agony over honey

seunghee and haseul are being so encouraging but all hoseok can do is like stare with tears in his eyes because oh no WHAT HAS HE DONE

the midwives encourage you also with a hands off approach until honey’s bum and bottom half is out

their so vocal and warm like “you’re doing amazing, y/n, just keep pushing!! i can see his feet!!!”

and so you just go for it

you’re mentally praying you don’t like pass out from pushing too hard or worse, shit all over the bed because apparently THAT’S A THING

you’re too busy crying to notice that the midwives look really shocked when honey’s bottom half is out

hoseok gets curious and decides to make sure honey is okay

and he looks and is like “oh WHAT THE FUCK?”

only he doesn’t actually say that

actually he doesn’t say anything

“keep pushing, y/n, h-he’s almost out.”

why are they so hesitant

oh god it hurts so bad

you want to die

you don’t want to have a baby anymore

and then finally

RELEASE

you feel like you can’t breathe but oh my god

the sound of honey SCREAMING is like music to your ears because

HE’S OKAY

but why is everyone acting so WEIRD

you peer up over your legs and take a glance at honey like squirming in the midwives hands

and

oh

Oh WHAT THE FU-

“oh my god his penis fell off!!!!!!!”

honey is a GIRL???????????

HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN???????

you don’t really care that it’s not a boy but like. YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS A BOY

regardless the midwives do their thing and hoseok is back next to you like :O

“you did so well i’m so proud of you i love you so much- you did it! you did it you’re okay honey is okay!”

“honey is a GIRL?”

haseul is torn between being sad and happy because she wanted it to be a girl she kNEW FROM THE START THAT HONEY WAS DESTINED TO BE A GIRL

it turns out that the sonographer was never 100% on it being a boy and all this time the “penis” was probably just a toe or something or a glitch

because honey is definitely a little girl

a precious beautiful little baby girl

hoseok’s baby girl

he totally cries

no

he WEEPS

there are no dry eyes in the birthing room rn

honey is so gorgeous

she definitely has hoseok’s features like she has his eyes and his nose and his ears :(

the midwives let mommy hold honey for a little while

“skin to skin is very important!!! she’s not a little boy like expected, but she’s a perfectly healthy baby!”

if she wasn’t covered in disgusting gloop you would have kissed her all over

but as a mother that instinct is there

you kiss her forehead and her hands and you’re looking up at hoseok like what the fuck we mADE THIS PRECIOUS LITTLE HUMAN

hoseok is crying as if he just had to endure twenty five minutes of agony and had his vagina ripped open

he’s just so happy right now

thats his kid

HIS

THATS HIS BABY GIRL

HIS TWO BABY GIRLS!!!!!

his emotions have been a big fat rollercoaster like it went from panic when your water broke to major panic when seunghee and haseul hadn’t arrived and then horror when you were like screaming in agony and then shock when he thought that honey’s penis has fallen off during BIRTH because NOBODY EXPECTED HONEY TO PULL THE BIGGEST PLOT TWIST OF THE YEAR

now he’s like over the moon he’s so so so so happy

the nurses help get the placenta out but honestly you’re just numbed like you barely register it shooting out

“okay daddy, wanna cut the cord?”

he’s like “no i really dont it looks like a big weird worm”

he still does it anyway

it’s a weirdly fulfilling experience

when it’s time to clean up little honey, you finally break the news to everyone outside

they’re in a mild state of utter confusion

guk is like “well what happened? did it like. grow inside? where did it go?”

and jimin’s like “oh. so it was just a toe or something”

guk is really a little bit disappointed because he wanted a boy so badly but !!! a baby girl !!! a niece!!!!!

(he figures honey will like dinosaurs and naruto all the same as what boy honey would have)

hoseok has made the bed his bed also

he’s snuggled next to you and you have honey on your chest and she’s sleeping so soundly :’)

“have you guys picked a name?”

guk is halfway through eating the fruit salad that haseul made before leaving to get here on time (“you were late because you were making A FRUIT BOWL?” “IM SORRY I WAS HALFWAY THROUGH MAKING IT AND I COULDN’T JUST LEAVE IT”)

you and hoseok hadn’t thought much about it to be honest

although you had talked about it a few weeks earlier

(“i like the name jiyun for a boy” hoseok had said one evening. the two of you had decided that honey should have a korean name like their daddy and you were a-okay with it!! for the sake of your family you were willing to give him or her an english name that you were still undecided on.

you tested out the name. “jiyun. jung jiyun. omg it sounds really cute! what does it mean!!”

“hmm it can mean many things usually, but its usually meaning happiness and posterity, soft sleekness.”

“oh, so it’s one of THOSE names where it has like three meanings.”

“yeah :D”

you laugh. “okay, and how about a girl?”

“how come I’M the one making the decisions???”

“i’m saying yes or no, i’m helping!!”

hoseok huffs and hugs you closer. “uhh, okay. well. me and yoongi had talked about this, and he agreed that yeojin is a cute name. jung yeojin. it means beautiful and precious.”

you...fall in love with that name

“ngl i kinda want honey to be a girl now.”

“omg just for the NAME??? thats cheap”)

you nod at guk sleepily

the room is actually sort of filled with people

because hoseok wrote a book and was on tv he’s Hashtag special

flat 18 are in the room rn because yoongi had to run to pick up namjoon and seokjin and your parents are still like. not ready or here

hoseok’s family couldn’t be here because they were vacationing in europe and their flight got cancelled

“jung yeojin!”

everyone is really satisfied with that name

“are you giving her an english name, too?” seunghee asks, sitting next to the bed with her finger tucked in yeojin’s grasp

you have this twinkle in your eye as you smile down at yeojin and then up at hoseok

“i think the name honey has quite a ring to it, don’t you think?”

hoseok can’t smile any wider holy fuck

“mhm. i couldn’t agree more.”

(seokjin and namjoon arrive later than expected, but seokjin cries as if he was there for the entire thing.)

this. took. so . long. to. upload. but. i . love /. it

+ for visuals and more info please visit here!!

[greengargouille]

AC x ML: Static, Part 1

((So... Do any of you guys remember when, more than one year ago, I posted something about Which Partner, and I mentioned something about an akumatized Mimura? And then I mentioned it here and there and never seemed to publish any actual content about it?

Well, one year, multiple changes on the costume/power idea and a lot of inspiration, I’m... still not done. But since it’s Which Partner’s second birthday, why not publish the first half as a way to mark the occasion? Besides it being a bad idea for editing in details I forgot, I mean.))

The days following a big project always had a special taste to Mimura.

The freed time was great, of course, nobody would argue that. And it was a relief not having to worry about his parents catching him working on that when he pretended to be studying (well, not so much pretending as not correcting them when they assumed it was the case). But, mostly? It was just the satisfaction of a job well done. One step further toward maturing his skills. Sharpening his vision and showing it to the world.

 …To think not so long ago, he was still settled on never letting others know about his amateur film productions. The second year of junior high certainly had dampened his enthusiasm over the creative process. If it wasn’t for Korosensei- if it wasn’t for becoming friends with other artists- he might have actually abandoned it all, letting this part of him rot and suffocate till he no longer felt anything toward cinema or directing. Falling into class E might have been what saved him.

 Still, nothing Mimura had ever done, even before that year, was comparable to how ambitious he has been this time. With how popular Ladybug and Black Cat were, not just on a town or prefecture level but actual national status due to the moon explosion theories making all of Japan aware of supernatural beings, any project related to them was sure to bring views. For this one-of-a-time opportunity, his work had to be flawless. He had spent days seeking the highest quality videos available on the two superheroes, pondering over and over on the music, the transitions… Even in his first year in the film research club, he never had spent so much time and effort in a single work- not for one of such a short length, at least. 

A fake trailer. By using fan footage of the akumatized fights and the TV news interviews of the town’s heroes, with some editing and a voiceover narration, making a pretend video for a movie about the miraculous holders. Especially tricky since he couldn’t go ask said holders to play out a scene for him to film. 

Boy did Mimura had felt his heart pound when he posted it online. He hadn’t been able to fall asleep without checking every five minutes if he actually posted the right thing, hadn’t made any glaring error or anything off-putting. And checking the ladybug forum for new messages and seeing the positive reactions… The excitement had kept him awake. Thankfully he posted it on Saturday afternoon and didn’t have to worry about dozing through morning classes. 

Still, this Sunday might be free of classes, but not of any event. As a sort of celebration- and partly because Mimura had put his social time aside while he worked-, the artist trio decided to hang out together at the mall and go see a movie. The boy wasn’t too sure about its potential quality, as he had very mixed feelings over the director’s previous works, but it was his first time making a horror story, and he was working with that music composer Mimura liked. 

“Hey, you guys! I didn’t make you wait too long?”

It was rare for him to be the last to arrive. Granted, whenever he went to an exhibit with Sugaya, the artist was dragging with him way too much supplies, a supplementary weight he brought ‘just in case’. God, how many times Mimura had to help him carry his stuff as they had to run away from the rain. Thankfully the boy had judged unnecessary to bring anything this time.

“It’s fine, don’t worry.” Okajima replied while getting up from the bench where he was waiting. “We’ve got largely enough time before the screening. -More importantly,” Sugaya interjected, “congrats for your video! I saw this morning, it was almost at fifty thousand views? -Wow, no way, let me check.” Okajima took his phone and started to type. “Well, there are a lot of people on the Ladyblog forum…” Mimura started to answer, all kinds of excuses rushing into his head. “Right, there was a lot of positive comments, wasn’t it? You deserve it.”

Mimura really didn’t know how to reply to that, and it was even tougher knowing Sugaya was probably sincere and he couldn’t brush it off as politeness. Being praised- having an undisputable achievement- those weren’t things he was used to. Not like this. Not on that.

But it’s not like he could deny he had done something, and that something was successful. How much time one had to wait for the other shoe to drop before having to admit they did a great job?

“…Thank you.” It was hesitant, but it was a start.

Sugaya replied with a smile, one of those soft smiles where he unconsciously tilted his head on the side, which made Mimura finally relax. It was fine. Maybe he did deserve it after all.

“Hm. Guys. You need to check that.”

Okajima turned his phone toward them. A single sentence, white over a dark screen. A single, ordinary sentence, one Mimura had read plenty of times; yet seeing it brought out an uneasy feeling, which increased as Okajima explicated the obvious:

“The video had been taken down.”

--

“It wasn’t great, but it was entertaining, at least.” Okajima commented before biting on his burger.

 Despite the unpleasant news, Mimura had insisted for them to go through what they had planned. After all, they were already close to the shopping mall, and just because he would skip a movie and fast food lunch, his video wouldn’t suddenly magically reappear. He would need to look into the details of it, of course. But, later. No need to rush. It wasn’t urgent. Nothing that mattered.

“I dunno, I feel like I wasted my time. Like, the special effects are clearly the main point of the film, but they felt uninspired.” Sugaya replied while grabbing some fries.

 Plus, a movie was distracting, which was welcome at this moment. No need to act before calming down. A great film would have been better, of course, one where Mimura could get immersed and forget all about his current worries as he analyzed it. That’s what he did back when his grades started to drop. It had bordered more on denial then, actually, ignoring the problem till he was too big to ignore, and at that point it was too late. But that wasn’t the case now. Because there was nothing to ignore. Just a silly little problem.

 “Yeah, I see what you mean. Instead of showing us the creature, it would have been better to leave it in the dark, it would have been scarier.”

 The thing was, Mimura didn’t have the authorization for some of the footage he had used. He had tried to contact whoever he could, all the small intrepid reporters that happened to be on place during an akumatized fight, but he had completely forgotten to check for the TV interviews. It wouldn’t have been a problem most of the time, but maybe, for a more popular video…

“There’s that, of course, but also the music, it was fine but I felt it wasn’t used very well? They should have just cut it at some place. I don’t really know how to explain… What do you think, Mimura?”

Or was it the music? He was pretty sure it was free of rights, was he mistaken? Either way it would be able to remake the video while cutting the faulty element. It was all structured together. He couldn’t correct it.

“…Mimura? -…Sorry, what? I was thinking of something else.”

Sugaya and Okajima shared a look of concern. Oh, that was what Mimura had wanted to avoid. Concern. He wasn’t especially upset- shouldn’t be, over such a trivial matter- but with all the akuma attacks over the town, everyone was a bit on edge over any potential crisis. Still, he was annoyed his friends would think he would break down over something so unimportant. Between the school’s ostracisation, the wall he had constructed between him and his parents, and now the assassination, he had gone through much more stressful. It’s not a little annoyance over a hobby that would change things. 

“…Dude,” Okajima said, “if you want to talk, we’re here, okay? -That’s great to know.” Mimura replied in a way he hoped was casual. “But I’m fine. I was just thinking about something else, that’s all.” He immediately switched on an excuse. “My father told me to stop at the convenience store on the way to buy something, but I couldn’t remember what. I think I should try to call him now before I forget. Can you guys watch my stuff? -Sure?”

Mimura got up from his seat and took his phone from his pocket while leaving the table, barely checking to see his classmates’ reactions. Only a phone call. It was normal to go outside- well, outside the restaurant at least, he wasn’t planning to leave the mall- when calling someone.

Right, that won him a few minutes to himself. Couldn’t do more, or that would be suspicious. He still had barely touched his own meal after all.

…Sometimes it was exhausting pretending to be fine. Mimura knew his face showed his emotions easily, and he wasn’t so smooth a liar he wouldn’t slip up if someone asked him directly what was wrong; he was more the kind to redirect the subject before said question came up. All of this… it made him feel resentful against those who were concerned over him, for all the stress that added to him. Couldn’t they just ignore him and leave him sulk? But at the same time, it was his own fault for feeling bad about the situation in the first place. Why did he had to invest so much into something that didn’t matter? Why did he had to bring his hopes up when it couldn’t be any different from usual? He should know by now he wouldn’t get any recognition for his efforts. It was stupid to think otherwise.

Mimura put back his phone in his pocket and felt a piece of paper inside that he took, intrigued. Ah, right, the movie ticket. Stupid movie. So bland and so overdone, so many things that would have been easy to fix- but he didn’t have any right to talk about that as an amateur, did he? God he hated this. Why did some people get so much money to make their movies while he was stuck seeing his videos taken down for some petty authorization- it’s not like he did anything bad with it, it wasn’t a whole song nor a complete footage- why did others got away with making mediocre works and his had to be perfect and it still wasn’t enough, why wasn’t he enough, he hated this, he hated them all, he hated- 

No, he had to calm down. It wasn’t the moment. Later, in private. No, not later. Never. Getting over it. He would close his eyes, breath deeply and count to three, and then everything would be fine.

One, two, three.

When Mimura opened his eyes, a dark butterfly just entered his field of vision.

 He barely had the time to register it, to see it land on the ticket without being able to react- And then it was sudden clarity. Pure feeling. All parasite thoughts numbed down to barely a whisper.

“Static”, a foreign voice spoke into his mind- and the name felt so fitting, somehow, “I am Kochou. I can give you the power to get revenge over the unfair treatment your videos have been given. I only ask for one thing in return. -The ladybug and cat miraculous.” Mimura- no, Static- completed, a smile on his lips. 

Sentences popped into his mind, distant, the shadow of a thought process. ‘Bad idea’. ‘What will others think of you?’ But, already, those words dissolved into the resolute feeling that had taken him.

“I accept with pleasure, Kochou-sama.”

 --

Okajima looked at the entrance, his fingers tapping on the table as he waited. Not necessarily for Mimura’s return, but… something. A form of acknowledgement on how the situation was wrong. 

Okajima thought of himself as an honest man. If he liked something, he had no problem saying it, even knowing his opinion was unpopular. If he disliked something, he would complain about it with all the frustration and anger he felt- even when his classmates thought he was overreacting. He was just that kind of person. True manliness was to be totally shameless no matter the topic. That’s why dishonest situations like this one didn’t sit well with him.

“Say”, he addressed Sugaya who seemed absent-minded, “what do you think we should do? -Walk around in the mall? There’s a clothing shop I would like to see. -Not what should we do after eating,” Okajima corrected with annoyance, “about Mimura. He’s clearly not taking the video thing well, despite how he refuses to admit it. -Oh.” His classmate just replied with a small sound. “So I wasn’t just imagining things then. -Well, yeah, that was very obvious. I kinda want to force him to talk just for that, but he might just close up even more and we will go nowhere. Plus, you know. That might just add even more negative feelings to the pile.”

Sugaya stayed silent, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. His fingers idly played with his straw, twisting it as he seemed lost in thought.

“I don’t know what to do.” He finally admitted. “Neither do I,” Okajima replied, “but you know Mimura better than me. Plus, you’ve been akumatized already, so you should know how he feels. -That’s… I don’t think it can apply. I mean, I wanted to be left alone, but look at what that did for me. Do you really think Mimura could be akumatized over this? -Eh, dunno. Honestly I feel like bad luck is also at play, but it’s not like you can tell how important something is to someone, even if it seems silly. A man’s passion should never be ridiculed,” Okajima added on a serious tone. “…Wow, that would sound so cool if it wasn’t from you. -Hey, what’s that supposed to mean? -…If Mimura feel bad over this, then I want to help.” Sugaya totally ignored Okajima’s last comment. “But I never had this problem before? Like, with Chiba I trusted him to come to me if he felt like I could help him with something? -Dude, no offense but Chiba ended in class E with us and neither of us saw it coming. -Well, I did say something I could help him with, not sure what I could have done.” Sugaya sighed. “You’re not totally wrong though, I felt bad about it. -What about the other guys then? Didn’t you hang out with people of the art club sometimes? -Them? I… am not sure they counted as friends? Like, in the first place it always was way more casual, and it soured up quickly anyways. Because I’m ‘too much of a troublemaker’. -Oh, yeah, so they were this kind of guys, uh? I know what you mean. -…So, yeah, I don’t have much experience dealing with this. I want to help and I feel like there’s something I could do, but nobody is telling me what. It’s frustrating.”

Okajima wasn’t sure either what it was that they could do, but fortunately the noise of a door brutally closed and a scream stopped the conversation before he had to reply. 

“AKUMA ATTACK!!”

He turned his head toward the entry door, that an alarmed woman was closing, clearly terrified by what she saw outside.

“An akuma… Shit, Mimura’s still outside. -What, do you think he…?” Sugaya didn’t dare finish his sentence. “I don’t know if it’s him, but if it isn’t then he’s in first line to be attacked. -Crap, you’re right.”

People around them were starting to panic, some already diving under the tables, other running towards the kitchens, probably hoping to find a back door. Honestly, Okajima was tempted to follow them. He didn’t know what super villain would appear, but it certainly wasn’t going to be a fun experience.

…But, he already had made his decision.

“Let’s go,” he said to Sugaya, walking towards the entrance.

--

Hayami had to pull her nails into the palm of her hand to keep her face calm.

In front of her, on the other side of the small plastic table, Nakamura was currently playing with her nesoberi plushie’s pigtails. A Ladybug nesoberi. She wasn’t sure what was flustering her most, that her friend was so fond of her new acquisition, or the fact that it was sold at all. 

“It’s obvious,” Nakamura explained, ignorant of the girl’s inner turmoil, “if you have the blueprints and material to make nesoberi in a factory, then you’re not going to stop at fifteen. Probably, the collab with the arcade was to see how popular they would get. Man, I kinda want to see what kind of face the fans who spent so much on the game will pull learning they could just have waited a few months instead, it will probably be hilarious. -You don’t say”, Hayami replied, impassive.

How would Nakamura react if she knew Hayami was such a fan. She would probably be too busy harassing me over how I’m a Black Cat fan. The endless teasing… Thankfully she was good at keeping a cool appearance. 

At first, when the two of them had planned an afternoon at the mall together, she had thought it would just be a relaxing moment between friends. Some shopping, maybe a movie, trying out the new purikuma booth, checking out from afar that children live stage performance the mall was organizing- she vaguely remembered Chiba mentioning accompanying his sisters to see it sometimes, and it had intrigued her- just silly fun activities two teenage girls would do on their weekend. To be perfectly honest, Hayami would have tried to include some homework into that schedule, but Nakamura had loudly complained about it, and with Tikki insisting so much lately about all the work she did, she hadn’t pressed further.

 She would have never expected they would end up facing a shop window full of Ladybug and Black Cat themed goodies. It kind of baffled her sometimes, how popular was her other identity. She and her partner were just a pair of local heroes doing their job. Maybe it was the magic? Of course people would be all over something that proved the existence of the supernatural. She had seen some topics speculating on the subject on the Ladyblog, but she might have underestimated their importance. Usually people ask us more about our relationship… Well, revealing anything about the Miraculouses to the public would be a big no-no, even more than some hints about their true identities, so it made sense that interviews gave up on that.

Still, Black Cat goodies… She would have to come back there, maybe with a disguise. And to think they would end up selling that nesoberi plush… Would she have tried to win one if she knew the exclusivity would only last for a few months? Probably.

God, I really fell hard for him.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea.” Nakamura grinned with a face full of mischief. “Can you take a photo with my phone? I’m going to kiss my Ladybug and send it to Okajima. -Wh- I- Don’t do that!”    

Seeing her friend’s surprise, Hayami knew she made a mistake. It was uncommon for her to get excited over something, and she had tried to keep her composure the whole conversation. But, how could she stay cool over this. The idea of Nakamura kissing Ladybug- it’s not like she talked about some distant celebrity after all. And then thinking that Okajima could do the same… Now that was giving her chills. 

“My, my, seems like someone is jealous.” Nakamura playfully reacted by swinging her nesoberi in front of Hayami. “Do you want to steal a kiss? I’m willing to share~ -That’s not the problem.” Hayami replied as calmly as she could. “Oh, so perhaps you want to kiss m- -It’s unhygienic,” Hayami interrupted her, knowing very well how her friend would twist her words if she let her speak, “and you’re going to give him bad ideas. -Eh, I’m probably not the first. Heck, I bet someone among those who got the first fifteen have done it at some point.”

Hayami immediately thought about the Black Cat nesoberi in her room, and had to focus back on the conversation before having any weird ideas. She was too mature for that. She couldn’t- No, she should think of something else. Plenty of people might have kissed my effigy at some point. Yep, that sure calmed her. Oh, how she wished she never had this conversation. Popularity was terrifying sometimes.

“Akuma alert.” A voice resonated through the speakers of the mall, interrupting the girl’s inner troubles. “Our customers are invited to go walk to the nearest exit. No need to panic. We repeat- -Urg.” Nakamura’s face soured. “Goodbye, relaxing afternoon. Let’s go before we get caught up in the crowd. -I…” Hayami started to speak, while her mind was getting into a highly alert mode. She needed an excuse “We didn’t pay for our drinks, go ahead while I do it, I won’t take long. -What? Hayami, you can’t be seri- -It’s important! No need to argue, we’re only losing time. Trust me, I will leave right after. -Geez, why do you have to be serious like that… Alright, but only if you go along with me the next time I get a fun idea. -Accepted.” Hayami was certain she would regret it. “See you in a few minutes.”

She didn’t wait for an answer and went right into the shop, straight to the bathroom, while getting pushed on the way by intrigued people trying to leave. Thankfully the stall was empty; she opened her bag, from which flew a very familiar red creature. 

“It’s too bad,” Tikki lamented, “you finally had a day to relax… -No need to feel bad about it. Tikki, spots on.”

The familiar surge of power filled her body as her clothes changed for her more practical hero suit. Time to get into Ladybug mode. It wasn’t complicated, honestly. The focus, her shifting perception, the strength that filled her muscles, everything contributed to her feeling like an entirely different person. Maybe the glamour supposed to make her unrecognisable played a part too.

Still, I need to play it safe. She counted the seconds in her head, and when she felt she had waited long enough, left the shop’s bathroom. Nobody was there anymore. Good. She didn’t have time to think of excuses for anyone who might have seen the young girl enter- she had an akuma to deal with.

--

Ladybug walked around the mall, ready to react to any upcoming attack and directing any civilian she saw toward the exit, when she finally spotted an unnatural thing. In front of her stood a giant foggy pile of inconsistent color, minuscule spots of black, white and grey all mixed together; it kinda reminded her of TV static, in a way. The pile, if that was the right word for an accumulation without a specific form, didn’t seem to have any weight to it, as if it was superposed to the air rather than a solid mass, but she knew better than to touch it to verify. Who knew what it did.

She saw a black silhouette move from the corner of her vision, and, sure enough, when she turned her head her partner jumped to her side. 

“Good afternoon to you,” Black Cat greeted her, then immediately switched to the main topic. “Any information on our villain of the day? -No, I just arrived.” Ladybug informed him, hesitating to say anything more, then decided she was silly for doubting her every word. “I’m glad you could come. I was wondering if you would be able to show up before the fight. -Yeah, I wasn’t sure I would be on time either,” admitted her partner. “I was nearby, but surrounded by… well, it’s not important.”

Ladybug looked at him, but said nothing. Civilians, friends, family… Many ways to end the sentence, and none that mattered. They couldn’t talk about their true identity.

“What do we do with this?” She pointed toward the foggy obstacle with a move from her head. “Good question.”

Black Cat looked around, his eyes settling on a deserted chair from some shop on the side. Ladybug already understood what he was thinking about, and didn’t feel any surprise when he walked toward it only to throw it into the fog.

“Doesn’t seems solid, but I didn’t hear anything hit the floor. -Try to see with another chair what happens if you only put one partially? -That was the next step of my experience, yes.” Black Cat smiled at her.

Despite the situation, Ladybug couldn’t help but feel her heart warm up at the boy’s soft face. They might be in potential danger at any point, but at least she got him by her side, and he seemed to appreciate them thinking alike as much as she did. Well, maybe not as much, but at least a little? It sure made things easier for both of them.

“Hmm, it doesn’t seem to melt.” The second chair, that Black Cat put partially in the fog, still was intact when they pulled it away. “I guess it’s like smoke? Let me try putting my hand in it.” He looked at Ladybug for approval. “…It might not be safe. -All the more reason that I do it rather than you. Plus, you can always heal me afterward. -…That’s not wrong, but…” She would rather not see him get hurt, of course. Surely he could understand that? “Don’t worry, it’s just a test.” He put his left hand in the fog- it would only be silly to risk his ring hand, after all- and took it out. “See? Nothing happened. Actually, I didn’t even feel any pressure or change. It might be safe to walk in. -Even if it’s some kind of gas, it might be toxic.” Hopefully no civilian was caught in the middle of it. “Hmm.” The boy nodded, his green eyes still on the fog. “Only one way to know.”

Black Cat took a step forward, and soon his head disappeared in the smoky thing. Ladybug was uneasy about this- her partner always was the one who took risks in those situations. It was logical, of course, she was the one with the power to fix everything, and so had to be the last standing at the end, but… she didn’t have to like it. What did the boy think about it? Was he secretly resenting her for this? This didn’t seem in his personality, yet it was still a possibility.

I wonder how the previous Ladybugs felt about it.

Multiple times her and Tikki had spoken about the precedent heroes. Their powers, their strategies, their allies; most notably, how they still found time to relax and have fun. But as for their feelings… It was a subject Hayami didn’t want to bring up. Even if they were different people, it would break her heart to hear they didn’t get along with their partner. What if it was the case, and Black Cat heard about it from his own kwami? Would he assume she was the same? Even though I love him. No, it wasn’t even that. She cared about him. More than her crush, he was the partner she had come to rely on. Anyone could feel attracted to him, but their bond was special, important, in a way that would be hard to explain. If he told her he loved her, but couldn’t trust her… that would be just as terrible as the opposite.

The boy eventually got his head out of the fog, his face expecting something. 

“…So?” Ladybug asked, unsure what he was waiting for. “…Didn’t you hear me? -No? Did you say something? -Yes? That’s weird. I can breathe inside just fine, but I can’t see anything. Or hear, now that I think about it. And I guess you couldn’t hear me either? Wait, let me check again.”

Once again the hero’s head disappeared in the fog. Did that thing block all light and sound? That would be inconvenient. What if the akumatized was waiting for them insi-

“Ladybug, behind you!!!” 

It was only thanks to her quick reflexes she was able to react immediately. Her full body rotated, her hand in a fist ready to hit, but the person quickly jumped out of the way, a jump too big for a normal civilian. An akumatized. The villain made no sound when his feet hit the floor, which was, as Ladybug suddenly noticed, covered in the same foggy substance as the one behind her. So that’s how they were able to approach without me noticing, this removed the sound of their steps.

She looked around quickly on what was the source of the voice that alerted her. A very familiar voice… Barely hidden behind a pillar, she apperceived Fuwa and sighed internally. The girl had said she wanted to start investigating for the Ladyblog, and nothing Hayami had said had been able to convince her it was a bad idea.

She gently tapped Black Cat’s arm to alert him of the change in situation, as he probably hadn’t been able to hear anything, but her eyes were fixated on the villain, who didn’t move from his spot. Which was for the best, as they were closer to Fuwa if they had wanted to take her hostage.

The most noticeable thing in the akumatized’s appearance, the one that immediately popped out, was the giant color bars on the chest area of the suit. Like a malfunctioning TV, Ladybug thought despite never having seen the phenomena -it was a thing of movies, on older televisions. The rest of the costume, on the opposite, was all monochrome, mostly grey with little square spots of black and white, white the extremities of the limbs were all black.

When she finally looked at their- at his face, Ladybug finally recognized who was her adversary. No way she couldn’t- they might not talk on a regular basis, but Mimura was a classmate, and he sat next to Nakamura in class, so the both of them sometimes spoke while she was around.                         

“Another class E student,” Black Cat commented next to her. So he recognised him? Uh. He must have a good memory. “Right, it’s as if alienating and bullying a specific group made them more likely to have negative emotions.” Ladybug deadpanned as an answer. “…Seems like you feel a lot about this, uh?” Her partner replied in a sympathetic tone. “I just don’t like their school’s system.”

She couldn’t allow herself to say more. She couldn’t make it personal. Even just mentioning she was part of that school, no matter the class, would be too revealing. So Ladybug bit her lips and did what she had always done when she felt helpless about a situation: focus on the work she could do instead.

“Show’s over, you guys.” Mimura spoke to them in a harsh tone. “Hand over your Miraculous. -…Why do akumatized even ask this? Of course we won’t give them to you. -Maybe they expect us to make a special offer if they insist enough.” Black Cat joked. “’Congratulations, you’re the 100th akumatized, here’s a special prize for you!’”

Ladybug would have rolled her eyes for joking in this situation if this was anyone else, but she couldn’t help have a little smile instead. It was part of her partner’s charm to make silly jokes and puns in a serious moment. Their current adversary didn’t seem to appreciate it, though; he seemed ready to attack, whatever that would mean for him. Did he have another power besides that weird static-like fog? It was hard sometimes to tell with akumatized what skill sets did they have.

“I know where the akuma’s hidden in!” Fuwa shouted, momentarily distracting Ladybug. “It’s in his l-“

Before she finished her sentence, Mimura jumped on the heroes, filling the space between them with the static-like substance from earlier.

Then, only darkness and silence.

[hymn2000]

Chiquitita - MCU AU fanfic - C22

Story summary: Something strange is happening. Someone from space has made their way to Earth, armed with a strange weapon. Targeting teenagers, their ray gun, when fired, turns the victim into a toddler. The Avengers set out to stop this, and find a way to reverse the effects. However, they don’t all come out of the battle unscathed.

Previous chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21

Part of my Frostiron and Spiderson series.

Warnings/themes: de-aging, family stuff, corporal punishment (early chapters only), mental health stuff, hurt/comfort, hospital/medical stuff

Chapter 22 - Old Friends

-

“The last few months feel like they’ve gone on for years” Tony said one quiet evening.

Loki looked up from his book, and sighed. “I know what you mean”

“Your brother hasn’t been in touch for ages”

“I know. He said he was giving us false hope by coming back so regularly”

“What’s taking them so long? Was Kindsprengen really from somewhere so complicated that they can’t figure out his gun?”

“Maybe. I haven’t really been thinking about it. Not to that extent. I just think they’re bound to find a reversal eventually. There’s nothing we can do to change things, or speed them along”

Tony sighed. “I know. Just it’s been three months, and I didn’t think it would even be as long as three weeks”

“I know darling, I know” 

“Wait, Loki? Where’s the kid?”

Loki looked over to where Peter had been a few minutes earlier.

“Oh” he said. “Peter!”

There was no response. They heard something, and looked at each other.

“Was that the front door?”

“It can’t be Peter; there’s a seal at the top of the stairs” Loki said, standing up. “I’m going to go and have a look”

“MUMMA!” 

Loki and Tony looked at each other and rushed out to the corridor, where they found Peter in Carol’s arms.

“Carol! Wh-what are you doing here?!”

Carol smiled at him. “I had a bit of free time, so I thought I’d stop by. I’ve gotta say, I didn’t expect him to still be tiny”

“I’m not tiny!” Peter said, pouting. “I’m big!”

Carol kissed him on the nose. “Alright baby, you’re big”

“How long are you gonna be around for?” Tony asked, coming over and taking Peter from her, tickling his tummy.

“Hey! Daddy!”

“I’ll be around for a bit” Carol said, touching Peter’s cheek gently. “So, how are you doing?”

“Why don’t we go and grab a drink?” Tony said quickly. “Then we’ll talk”

-

Carol sat at the breakfast bar, bouncing Peter on her knee. 

“Hey baby, I’ve got something for you” she said, handing him a marshmallow lollipop.

“Oh! Thank you!” Peter grinned, taking the lolly and pulling the wrapper off.

For once, Tony chose not to complain about it. He sat a mug down in front of Carol, and then sat down on the other side of the table with Loki. 

“So” Carol said, stroking Peter’s hair. “He’s still a toddler”

“Yeah” Tony said. “They haven’t managed to make the reversal yet”

“Must be something more complex than any of us expected” Carol said. “How are you finding it with this one, then?”

“I think he’s great” Loki said. “He’s so sweet and funny and happy. He’s fun to have around. We’ve settled into a routine now, and we know what we’re doing, so it feels quite natural now”

Carol looked at Tony. “How about you?”

Tony looked at Peter, who was happily gumming his marshmallow.

“Well, it’s much easier than it was” he said. “I love the little thing. Loki’s right; he’s a funny little thing. It’s been quite fun at times, but I’m still gonna be relieved when the reversal is ready”

Carol nodded, and looked down at Peter. “What about you, baby? How are you doing?”

“I fell in the pond at the park!”

“Did you? When was that?”

“Um. Last week, I think. Last week..? I scared the ducks!”

“You scared me too!” Tony said. “He went all the way under, you know. Poor thing”

“He thought it was hilarious” Loki said. “After he’d gotten over the initial shock, anyway. You should have seen him! Screaming with laughter, he was. It wasn’t the reaction I expected. He toppled in so heavily”

“I wasn’t allowed to go on the swings” Peter pouted. 

“You were soaked through, chick” Tony said. 

“It just had to happen on the one day that I didn’t bring a change of clothes” Loki sighed, shaking his head.

Carol laughed. “Sods law. Were you hurt, little guy?”

Peter shook his head. “I dropped my ice cream”

“Oh dear! That sounds like you had a bit of rubbish day”

“He laughed about it pretty quickly, especially when he realised his rocket hadn’t succumbed to the water” Loki said. “Still, we had to take him home and put him straight in the bath. All that filthy water... I think the other parents round the pond were more scared than he was”

“Bless him. How have the press been?”

“My press manager has been surprisingly good” Tony said. “So we haven’t had too much hassle. People do keep trying to get us to meet up with other people affected by Kindsprengen though”

“I’m guessing that’s not an idea you’re on board with?”

“Nah, I’d rather just get on with it as a family. We’re fine just being the three of us. Most of the time, anyway. Still get a bit of help from friends and stuff sometimes. We don’t need to meet the other de-aged kids”

“Some of them have met up with each other though” Loki said. “Some people at the hospital showed me a few articles in some tat-mags, and apparently there was a documentary the other week. I didn’t watch it though”

“Can’t say I blame you. I don’t think I would have watched it. I might have read the articles though”

“Tragically, Loki doesn’t allow tat-mags in the house, otherwise I’d probably have some to show you” Tony said. “You could always look online. I read a few of them”

Loki looked at him. “You did?”

“Yeah, it was interesting. It’s all the same kind of thing. Like, them not having memory memories, but remembering their likes and dislikes, and some people. There's this one kid who knows their mum, but not their step-dad. How weird is that?”

“How long had they been together?” Carol asked.

“About five years, apparently. That’s still a bit weird”

“Yeah, but Peter doesn’t remember May” Loki said. “Or Liz. Maybe it’s just a bit of a pick-and-choose oddity”

Peter looked up at Carol. “Daddy said I can have a garden”

“A garden? Really? That sounds... lovely”

“It’s just an idea” Tony said.

“It’s a stupid idea. How are we supposed to have a garden? If this house was made with a garden, fine, but it wasn’t” Loki said. “There’s no provision for it!”

“Wait, how did this come about?”

“Well, yesterday when we were out, he kept asking for one of those kids climbing frames they have displayed in toy shops” Tony said. “And I said no because we don’t have a garden, and he asked for a garden, and I was like, uhh, no. But then I started thinking about it, and I thought it’d be a cool project, making a garden”

“I admire your ambition, but you can’t really have grass inside, can you? Don’t you need specially adapted spaces for indoor gardens? And aren’t they basically just greenhouses?”

“I was thinking of using one of the balconies, actually”

“Not my balcony!” Loki said.

“No! No, one of the other ones, the ones we don’t really use” Tony said. “I started drawing up some plans last night. Peter gave me some input, didn’t you, chick?”

“Yep! We’re gonna get one of them big benches that swings! AND we’re gonna have a little pond!”

“No, sweetheart, I never said a pond” Tony said. “Especially after you fell into the one at the park! Maybe a water feature”

“So what are you gonna do? Make a huge soil bed to stick grass on?”

“Maybe. I’ll show you my plans if you like” Tony said, standing up. “I left them in the other room”

Carol shook her head fondly as Tony went off. “He’s having one of his creative spurts”

“Hm, maybe” Loki said. “Our balconies are big, but I think making a full garden is a bit too ambitious. I just don’t think it would work”

“Well, I don’t see how you could do it either” Carol said. “Maybe just something that looks like a garden, then?”

“I’ll humour him” Loki said. “I just don’t want him doing something stupid. You can’t really make a garden on a balcony, especially not one that would support a big play area thing with swings”

“Wouldn’t it be a bit of a waste?” Carol said gently. “I mean, he’s not gonna be like this forever. What are you gonna do with a kids play area dealie when he’s big again?”

Loki didn’t say anything. Luckily, Tony came back into the room at that moment, shuffling some papers.

“Here, look at these. I’ve drawn the grass in, but I’m not sure how it’d work yet” 

Carol looked at his carefully drawn plans. Peter put his lolly stick down and pointed to bits of the drawing.

“This bit is all big plants! And this bit goes against the glassy bit. Daddy said it’s safer that way” he said. “This is the swinging bench! Daddy said we can get a slide too, that’s what this is! It’s a, um... daddy, what is it?”

“It’s a novelty slide”

“Yes!” Peter grinned. “Oh, oh! Daddy, water!”

“Water?” Tony said. “Oh, are you thirsty?”

“Water! Water!” 

Peter scurried down from Carol’s lap, running over to the sink and pointing.

“Water, water, water!”

“Ooh, you wanna play, don’t you?” Tony smiled, getting up.

Carol watched while Tony filled the washing up bowl and set it on the floor. She watched him handing the toddler some plastic cups and little rubber bath toys. Tony knelt on the floor, rolling Peter’s sleeves up to stop them from getting too wet. 

“It looks like you’re doing well” she said to Loki. 

“Yes, well, it took some getting used to” Loki said. “Tony was rubbish the first week, but then he stepped up. He’s had a few rocky days, but ultimately, he’s been great”

“He’s such a dad. He looks so comfortable with him even now he’s a toddler”

“He’s cute” Loki said. “...Peter’s gotten really into water lately. I thought about getting him one of those big water troughs, but Tony said no”

“That makes sense. Have you considered what you’re gonna do with all this kids stuff after he’s been zapped back to normal?”

“Not really” Loki said vaguely, looking back at Peter and Tony. “He ends up spending ages in the bath now, since he’s got so many bath toys. He loves those little water mills”

“Have you taken him swimming? He might enjoy that”

“Oh yeah, he loves it! We’ve taken him a handful of times. He adores it, especially this little slide they have there in the shape of a whale”

“That’s cute. What about you, though? You never go swimming”

“Well, with the baby, we’re just in the baby pool and the shallow end, and I’m fine with that. Tony takes him into the deeper parts a little bit, but not much. Peter likes being able to splash around”

“Nice. So, you’re doing well?”

Loki nodded. “I’m enjoying it, if I’m honest. He’s a lot of fun, and it makes it a lot easier to deal with the whole situation”

“So you’ve not got any idea how long he’s gonna be like this?”

“No. Thor said he’ll let us know about any progress on the reversal as soon as he knows” 

“Something must have happened to slow their progress. How long has it been now? Three months?”

“To the day” Loki nodded. 

Carol sighed, looking at Peter. Tony was squirting water at him with a little toy frog, and Peter was laughing like it was the funniest thing ever.

“He looks happy” she said. “But he deserves to be given his life back”

Loki looked at her. “Isn’t happiness more important?”

Carol looked at him. “He won’t be like this forever. Regular Peter might have been through some horrible stuff, but he still has a good life. He has a family, and good friends. He’s a superhero. Secretly, yeah, but still. He deserves to have that life back. Even if he’s a toddler now who can’t remember anything from before he got zapped, he still has the same past. You’re never going to be able to change that”

“If it’s a past he’s forgotten, why would we need to?”

“You’re thinking dangerously, Loki” she said. “As soon as that reversal is done, Thor’s gonna come here first. He’ll zap Peter back to normal, and then he’ll go and zap all the other kids back to normal. This was always a temporary thing. As soon as that guy popped up, you all started talking of a way to reverse the effects, isn’t that what you said?”

“Well, yes, but-”

“But nothing. You knew how it had to go even before Peter got hit. Do you really think all those kids are better off now? I’ve heard bits about this, Loki. The first one to get zapped was like, four months ago, right? They're exactly the same as the day they got zapped. So there’s a chance they’ll be stuck as toddlers forever if they don’t get that reversal gun. Is that better than giving them their lives back?”

“I don’t care about the other kids: I care about Peter”

“Stop talking mad, then” Carol said. “You’re allowed to enjoy the toddler version, but you’re not allowed to contemplate keeping it this way forever. It’s not gonna happen”

“I know that” Loki nearly snapped. “I never outright said to you that we should keep him this way;- that was just your assumption. You’re putting words in my mouth”

“I’m taking them from your mind”

“Mumma, mumma!” Peter called. 

Carol stood up and went over to him. “What’cha doing over here, baby?”

“You can make the water bubble!” he said. “Make it bubble!”

“I’ll make it bubble, but only if you promise not to touch”

“Promise!”

Tony smiled at Peter’s fascination and amazement at the bubbling of the boiling water when Carol heated it. He was a little impressed himself. Carol’s glowing hands weren’t something he’d had the pleasure of seeing in action very often. 

“You know, if you’ve got some free time, maybe you could stay the night and come out with us tomorrow” he suggested.

“I’m up for staying the night. What are you doing tomorrow?”

“We haven’t really decided yet. If the weather is good, we were thinking about this outdoor splash pad thing. It’s like a big water-based play area. If the weathers not so good, well, I’m not sure. Maybe just something boring like going out for lunch and then going shopping”

“Getting stuff for your garden project?”

“Maybe. I kinda wanted to go to a garden centre anyway. We did up May’s grave recently, and I wanted to see if I could find another nice statue or one of those little coloured lanterns for her. Garden centres are gonna have ones that’ll last outside, more than normal shops”

“Was she into that kinda stuff? Like, gnomes?”

“God no; she hated gnomes. Peter once hid one in her bed so when she pulled back the covers she got the fright of her life. Peter said it’s the only time he can remember May properly hitting him” Tony smiled slightly. “I don’t know why gnomes freaked her out. She always hated that one Loki used to have by the front door”

“Oh yeah. What happened to that?”

“Peter smashed it in a fit of rage after May died” Loki said, draining his mug. “Somehow I never got round to getting another one”

“Huh” Carol lowered her hand, letting the water go still again.

“Oh!” Peter said. “It’s stopped bubbling!”

“Yeah, but it’ll still be hot, so you can’t touch” Carol said, picking him up and giving him a cuddle. “What time do you go to bed, baby?”

“Usually around midnight” Peter said, very matter-o’-fact. 

“He’s lying” Tony said unnecessarily. “He goes at eight. I guess he can stay up a bit later tonight, since you’re here”

“Aww, that’ll be fun” Carol said. “I’ll read you some stories if you like, baby”

“Ah, maybe don’t suggest that” Loki said. “He’s really into his reading right now, and he won’t let us read to him: he has to read to us”

“Ooh, you can read?”

“Yep! Daddy taught me!” Peter grinned. “I get stuck on the really big words though”

“I’ll help you along. Do you wanna read? Or do you wanna do something else?”

Peter thought for a moment. “I want hot chocolate!”

Carol laughed. “Better ask your dads”

Peter blinked at her, and then looked at Tony. “Hot chocolate?”

Tony smiled. “Sure thing kiddo. Just give me five minutes”

-

Peter decided he didn’t want to read after having his hot chocolate. Instead, he wanted to show Carol all of his toys. He had a lot, so this was quite a time consuming venture. Tony and Loki left him to it for a while, and Peter may have got through everything - if he didn’t feel the need to explain every single toy in detail to Carol. His enthusiasm may have been endearing, but it certainly ate into the evening too.

“Bambino” Tony said at quarter to nine. “I think it’s time to go to bed”

“No!” Peter protested. “I haven’t finished!”

“You can show mumma the rest of your things tomorrow. It’s already past your usual bed time” 

Peter looked at Loki for help. “I can stay up, can’t I?”

“You’ve already stayed up, chick” Loki said. “It’s time to put your toys away and let us take you to bed”

Peter looked at Carol. “I can stay up?”

“No, I think it’s definitely bedtime now” Carol said. “We’ll tidy up your toys, and then you’ll go to bed”

Peter pouted. “I don’t want to”

“You still gotta go”

“Can you take me?”

“Sure, I can take you” she said, looking at Tony for permission. “But first you need to tidy your toys”

Peter nodded and started throwing his toys back into their boxes.

“Careful!” Loki said. “You’ll break something if you throw them about like that”

Peter looked at him, and then started putting his toys away in a much more gentle fashion. Carol gave him a hand, and once everything was away, she gave him a little squeeze.

“Good boy. Are you gonna say goodnight?”

Peter nodded and ran over to Loki and Tony, who lifted him up and gave him a  big hug.

“Goodnight, darling” Loki said. “See you in the morning”

“Night, chick” Tony said. “Be good for mumma, ok?”

“I will!” Peter said. “Love you, daddies!”

“We love you too”

-

Peter happily trotted along to his room with Carol, thrilled to be seeing her again after so long. He decided he had to be good as gold, and he went straight to his en suite, climbed up onto his little stepping stool, and grabbed his toothbrush.

“You know exactly what you’re doing, don’t you, baby?”

Peter did his teeth and then let Carol wash his face and help him into his pyjamas. 

“You’re so good, you know” she said.

“I try” Peter grinned. 

“You ready to get into bed?”

“No! I need a wee!”

“Ok, ok. I’ll go and sort your bed out then” Carol said, taking his rocket and leaving him to it.

It felt a little odd, seeing Peter’s room filled with all this little-boy, toddler-sized stuff. Most of regular Peter’s stuff was still there, like his elephant and his shelf of trophies and his little collection of Steiff toys. But other stuff had obviously been put away for safekeeping, like his school things and his workshop things and his laptop. The photo of May and Peter that had been on the bedside table for so long had been moved. Carol understood why, but it was still weird seeing it was missing - it made the bedside table look bare. 

“Mumma?” Peter said, coming out of the en suite. “Are you gonna be here tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’m staying over” Carol said.

“Are we going out?”

“I'm not sure yet. I think your dads were thinking of taking you out”

“Oh!” Peter said, climbing up onto his bed. “You too?”

“Yeah, me too” she smiled. “Do you wanna read a story before you go to sleep?”

Peter shook his head. “Tell me one of your stories!”

Carol laughed. “Sure, but you gotta lay down first”

Peter flopped down onto his back, hugging his rocket close. Carol sat on the bed with him. 

“Ok, I’ll tell you something that happened a few weeks ago. So, there I was, minding my own business, when suddenly, out of nowhere-”

-

Loki and Tony looked up when Carol rejoined them in the living room.

“Is he asleep?” Tony asked.

“Yep” Carol sat down beside Loki. “He’s a good kid. He’s excited about going out tomorrow, even though I told him I don’t know where we’re going”

“I think we should go swimming again” Loki said. “He enjoys it so much”

“Well, I’ve been looking at the weather forecast, and it’s supposed to be pretty hot tomorrow” Tony said. “We don’t wanna go to the main pool and waste the hot weather by being inside”

“Didn’t you say something about an outdoor splash pad thing?” Carol said.

“Yeah, but there’s also an outdoor paddling pool in this other park” Tony said. “There’s not really any pictures of it online, but it sounds like it could be a good thing. Just a basic pool, apparently with a kiosk nearby, so we could have an ice cream or something too”

“What if it’s busy?” Loki said. “It might be a bit much, having three of us with the toddler”

“It’s probably not gonna be too busy. People go to the coast and theme parks and stuff when it’s hot. Those are the places that are gonna be crowded” Tony said. “We could go earlier too. Then go for lunch afterwards? And the garden centre. Like I said; there’s some stuff I need”

Loki looked at Carol. “What do you think?”

“I don’t mind, but I don’t have a swim suit”

“We’ve got some here you could use” Tony said. “Peter’s friends have kinda got a drawer full of swim stuff here for some reason”

“Ok, but somehow I don’t think a fifteen year olds bikini will fit me”

“You’re not exactly huge, Cap” Tony said. “I’m sure Millie’s stuff will fit. She’s a bit fat”

“Millie isn’t fat!” Loki said. “She’s just a bit chunky”

“She’s bigger than the other two. She wears bigger sizes. You could always go and see”

“You’d wake Peter up, rifling around in his room for the swim stuff” Loki said. “Maybe we’d better think of something else to do tomorrow”

“I’ll have a brain storm over night” Tony said. “We’ll see what we can come up with. Any suggestions?”

“Hey, I’m easy” Carol smiled. “Now, do you mind if I raid your kitchen?”

Tony laughed and passed her his phone. “Order a takeaway. Loki and I were gonna get something in anyway. May as well feed you too”

*

[dandelionpie]

So I’ve been Having Ideas About My Future lately. And right now this one feels like the very beginning of a soap bubble - the part where you’ve started to blow into it but it hasn’t closed around itself yet. And I want to be really cautious with it so it doesn’t just pop before it can even get into the air, so I wasn’t gonna talk about it for a while, but also.

[Click through for a very long post about Maddy’s Career Options - replies are fine but please be gentle with my baby bubble hopes]

Okay, you guys.

So I was on the phone with my mother the other day, and I was having a sort of a panic attack (you know, like you do when you’re on the phone with your mother [kidding this is not normal and should not be trivialized, etc]), and I was trying to conceal this fact from her but it was Not Working. And I was dismayed about where my life was going, my lack of definite plans for a career, etc., and she said, “You know, I was actually gonna tell you - we had a lady come visit our school the other day and she’s an art therapist.”

And...here’s the thing. Usually my mother’s career suggestions kind of go in one ear and out the other. Because my mom’s great! Really! But she isn’t me, and she doesn’t always get what my life is like. So I usually just say “hm, yeah, I’ll look into it,” and then I don’t.

But I had genuinely just forgotten that art therapy existed. I knew about art, and I knew about therapy, and I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that people were putting those two things together, but somehow I’d just sort of filed that info in the General Trivia drawer instead of the Potential Grown-Up Jobs one. And...I’m getting sort of cautiously excited about the idea.

RANDOM OBSERVATIONS I HAVE HAD SINCE THAT CONVERSATION

(I Started Writing Them Down and Then They Became Legion)

Every piece of art I like has a strong psychological element. That’s the common thread, dammit. That’s why I’m so picky about song lyrics, that’s why I can’t get into a book unless it’s got some sort of strong interpersonal/intrapersonal thread for me to snag my little English major hooks in. At the end of the day, the narratives that interest me are the ones where people are constantly feeling and processing things and I have to think a lot about why they’re doing that the way they’re doing it.

Not trying to sound like I think I’m super virtuous or whatever, but I tend to see good in most people, which might be an asset in that field? I get along well with a lot of personality types that friends of mine have cited as abrasive. Like, I can find people obnoxious but still notice enough of their good qualities to enjoy their company or at least tolerate it. And that’s a strength that’s served me well on a personal level, and a little on a professional level too (getting along with people helps just about anywhere), but I never thought of it as something I could use to particular effect in an actual career track.

That said, I have NO background in psychology. I had a couple lab rats, but they didn’t really teach me any of their secrets.

On cursory examination I have decided that I Do Not Like neurology. I have a lot of friends who seem to love it and that’s great, but....look, it just freaks me the fuck out. Maybe it’s because I’ve spent so much of my adulthood (read: all of it) preoccupied with the vulnerability of my physical being to various surgery-requiring problems. But the idea of my mind (that place where I spend so very very much of my time) being subject to the physical limitations of my brain (a part of my corporeal body [which has in the past proven itself to be somewhat unpredictable]) is so fucking terrifying to me that I’d prefer to spend as little time on that as possible please and thank you.

(Aside: I know the phrase “I don’t like the Brain; I just like the Mind) is like peak dualism, but I’m sure you all know what I mean, right? It’s possible to think about and work with the mind without focusing on the physical brain that gives rise to it. I’ve been doing that on the client end of things for years.)

A lot of the art I do is actually pretty therapeutic! To me, I mean. I never did figure out how to translate the whole cancer thing into an autobio comic (I eventually realized I simply didn’t want to and it was one of the most liberating moments of my life). But I have been relying on art for years to process my trauma. Most of my creative projects and ideas for them go back to that in some way, even if it doesn’t come across to the other people who experience them.

That said, I am...not the biggest autobio comic fan. There are so many things about that genre that rub me the wrong way. I’m glad it exists, I just don’t tend to enjoy consuming or creating autobio comics.                                       However, this might be a chance to see autobio comics through a new lens! And it also has the potential to set me apart - there are quite a few art therapists, but I’ll bet there are fewer whose background is in comics specifically.

I could have an office. I could go into private practice and have a place that I could build into a safe space for people to talk about their problems and work on them. I know it’s just a little thing (and I’m not sure yet if private practice would be feasible/right for me, at least right away), but I like the idea of making physical space for that kind of work.                                                                  (And if I sometimes also used it as a studio for comics, well, I don’t think that’s illegal or anything.)

I could be relatively independent in my career. I could work for an agency (and I think I’d probably have to, at first, but I gotta look into how all that works), but I could also spend at least some of my time in private practice, or working pro bono or on a sliding scale, or doing other stuff that allows me a great deal of flexibility and control over my schedule.

I like the idea of a type of schooling that has experience built into it. Like, you have to get a certain number of internship hours before you can be certified. I’m sure there’s more to it than that, but it’s nice to see a field that’s so up-front about the fact that you need experience before you can do your job.

A lot of art therapists work with traumatized kids, and I find that prospect faintly terrifying. But also maybe it would be good to get over that, if I want to Help People and Use My Strengths to Do Good Things In the World. Those kids are gonna be traumatized either way, and if I can handle it, it’d probably be cool if I helped them.

It would be so nice to not be broke literally all the time. Even with student loans, I think this has the potential to help that happen, if I do my research and play my cards right. And I might even be able to work *gasp* less than 40 hours a week, thereby freeing up my time for other projects. Or, you know, kids. Hell, maybe I’d even be able to feed them.

Nobody would be able to make me work Saturdays.

Not sure yet whether it’d be better to get an Actual Art Therapy Degree or do a more general thing and then get a specific art therapy certification after/during that? I’m leaning towards the latter because I’d like more versatility, but I’m getting the sense that the rules for who can call themself an art therapist are slightly stricter in Oregon, so I’m gonna have to talk to the people who run the program.

What with the horse in the hospital and all that, I was thinking about a career in activism. But I’m not sure I have the temperament to be a lawyer, and I hate talking to strangers (I’ll do it if I have to, but damned if I’m gonna go door-to-door every day). But this way, I could maybe help activists balance their lives and their activism. Activists need therapists.

I could help people like me, with medical trauma. I know all about medical trauma! It has literally been a constant since I was 18! And in college and after, I hated feeling like my problems were fake and that my illness affecting my life was the result of some moral defect. Without therapy, I don’t know if I would have kept going to doctors and trying to figure everything out.

Visual art has in many ways been a great avenue leading away from self-harm, for me. The physicality of it is so much more powerful, for me, than almost anything else.

I’ve been so conflicted lately with lots of ideas about art-as-saleable-product vs. art-as-catharsis-and-narrative-control. I kind of thought my interest lay in the former but now I’m wondering if maybe it’s the latter. Like, I still love comics and storytelling and I want to make comics for people to read, but at the end of the day, I don’t want to do advertising. I don’t want to build a brand. I just want to tell stories and draw pretty pictures that make people happy. And I know that’s not what art therapists do, but in some ways it feels like the field still lines up better with my goals than commercial illustration. Does that make sense?

Lewis and Clark has a program. PSU has a program (though not an art therapy one specifically I think). There are online ones and low-residency ones as well, although honestly I think I function best in a classroom. Right now I think I’m leaning towards L&C because I’ve heard really good things about their education grad programs from a couple of people, but: gotta look further into it.

I’m liking the prospect of being a student again. I like going to lectures. I like notebooks and pencils and pens and libraries. And according to one person I talked to, as a therapist you actually have to keep taking courses throughout your career as the field changes. It’s like a condition for licensure or something (at least in some parts of the field). I’d love to be able to keep learning my entire life in such a deliberate way.

And I think I’d be better at being a student now than I was at Reed. I remember realizing waaay too late that you could just...ask your professors for help with stuff. And they could say no! But they weren’t going to, like, set me on fire. So what if I just set up a meeting with someone involved in a program and said, “Hey, look, I have no psych background and an intense interest in therapeutic work; how do I do this?” They could tell me to go away, but that’s probably about it. In a way, I think it might be nice to take another stab at academia - redeem myself.

(I have no idea what my Reed GPA is and should probably figure that out. Pretty sure I got a C in Chem and at least one other class? But maybe they won’t mind.)

My original plan had been to fund my comics habit with a freelance illustration career. Because almost nobody makes a living in comics, at least not just in comics. It happens, but very rarely does it happen with creator-owned work. A lot of indie comics artists freelance or have some other sort of art day job, and I thought that was a lifestyle I could get into.  

But the Horrible Deep Dark Secret is...I don’t actually like freelancing that much, at least with my life the way it currently is. I mean, I love drawing and I love not being broke, so please keep sending people my way if they want someone to draw something (please please please I need the money). But the illustration industry is downright exhausting. It’s so hard to switch off, and it’s so much work even convincing people you deserve to get paid, let alone getting them to pay you. Mad kudos to anyone who has the time/energy to do that, but I’m not sure I do, at least at this point in my life.

But if I was planning to supplement my comics with another, art-related career anyway, what if I did this instead? What if it ended up being something I, Maddy, could enjoy and feel good about? Doing this (with my temperament) might actually a) pay better b) offer me more time and c) lend a sense of structure to my days that I definitely need and that freelancing sorely lacks.

Actually, having comics projects might even help with work-life balance in this field. I don’t know yet, but I’ve been told that a lot of therapeutic practice is establishing healthy boundaries between your work and your life, and I think it might help to have somewhere else to pour emotional energy when I’m off the clock.

Having another career wouldn’t mean I couldn’t make comics. Hell, it wouldn’t even mean I couldn’t sell comics. I could still make a website and freelance sometimes. I could still set up a Patreon. I could still publish my stuff on the web and in real life. I could still table at cons. And if things started going better than I’ve been planning for them to go, comics-wise, I wouldn’t have to keep being a therapist full-time. I’d have some flexibility, especially in private practice.

Anyway, I literally just started thinking about this a few days ago, so I have no idea if I’m gonna stay this excited about it. But...I’m enjoying looking into it. I’ve felt so much more hopeful the past few days - like my life might actually go someplace I could like. It’s a nice feeling and I would like to keep it.

I dunno. I’ve talked to some people and I’m gonna talk to some more people. Maybe set up an interview at the college in the next couple months if I can swing it. Prereqs would probably be somewhat hellacious, but that’s what I get for majoring in the humanities.

Okay cool I’m gonna go eat something and clean the kitchen. 

[romanssippycup]

Undeniably Important Chapter 5: Necessary Information?

This is where the science and more setting comes into play. I hope you all understand what is going on. This is one of those chapters that I just had to get right or everyone was gonna go... “wha?” Time for dimensions and powers and what not. Hope you enjoy! :)

Chapter 1 -- Chapter 2 -- Chapter 3 -- Chapter 4

"We are mental projections of your personality, but there is so much more information about us than we let on." Logan began. "We definitely do not have all the answers, but I will tell you what we do know about ourselves."

Everyone in the Mind Palace made sure they were comfy as they continued to listened to Logan's explanation.

"Every human in the world has an imagination based on their experiences, thoughts, beliefs, etc. But, It's through that imagination that ideas are produced to manipulate the real world in many different and unique ways."

"In other words, dreams can come true in the real world, but only if you have the motivation and the mind to pursue them?" Thomas asked wondering if he was correct.

"I guess that is one way to put it, but yes. Everything that happens in the physical world starts with an idea. An idea that is not tangible at first, but with hard work, can end up changing the world for better or for worse. Now in the case of regular imagination, little children might play make believe to pretend that the world worked in completely different way than what reality suggests. They might imagine a unicorn or a dragon, both of which are creatures that do not exist in the real world, but they do exist in the child's mind." Logan stopped for a second allowing Thomas to rest his brain.

Thomas took a deep breath. "Okay...so though all four of you do not exist in the real world, you exist in my mind. That makes sense."

"Because humans can create alternate realities for themselves psychologically, question their existence, and problem solve, their brains function on a higher level of thinking than what the physical world entails. The alternate realities are actually pocket dimensions that you have unlocked and they reside on a completely different plane of existence."

"My imagination is a pocket dimension?" Thomas looked at him slightly dumbfounded. "Does that mean the mind palace itself is a pocket dimension?"

Roman cut in as he knew this bit of information. "It did not used to be, it was just a part of your imagination," He gestured to himself dramatically. "It grew to be that way because you personified the different aspects of your personality: Logic, Creativity, Anxiety, and Morality. By personifying your creativity, you gave me control over your imagination, thus giving me control over the mind palace and everything in it. Basically I expanded the mind palace outside of your creativity, so that these three can have their fun. The bad thing is I don't have complete control over the mind palace anymore."

"Who said that was a bad thing? At least it doesn't look like a castle anymore." Anxiety interjected.

"Again. Who asked for your opinion Tim Burton? Because I certainly didn't."

Thomas silenced their banter. "Okay. So...this personifying thing, do you all have consciousness of your own then?"

"No. Thats too weird and creepy. We are still you." Roman shook his head.

"The point that we are all trying to get at is you have split yourself neatly into four different parts. Your mind: Logan, Your heart: me, Your spirit: Roman, Your body: Anxiety. In doing so, you allowed each part to work separately. So often, people use all 4 parts of themselves together, not allowing each side to grow individually." Morality steered the conversation back on track.

"We believe that the effect of this is you are unlocking different parts of brain, since you have been able to single us all out in your mind. I'm not sure how correct it is, but that is just my theory. After all, humans only use 10% of their brain so it very well could be true." Logan adjusted his glasses.

Thomas thought. "Wow. So if I'm getting this right, I could compare this whole situation to a computer. So like, if a bunch of files are saved on a computer, they are all just meshed together, but if I organized those files into 4 different folders, thats basically you guys. Did I get that right?"

"Correct Thomas." Logan beamed. "Now what exactly is in those folders is what we are trying to figure out. Sure I contain your facts and knowledge, but because I'm half of your left brain I am beginning to learn more about what I can do. All of us in the mind palace have the ability to teleport objects and ourselves, but I've recently found out I can control the laws of "nature" in the mind palace. For instance, I could change the course of gravity if I really wanted to." He made his note pad hover above his hands as a demonstration and then grabbed it out of the air.

"Isn't it Princey's job to change things that happen in the mind palace?" Thomas scratched his head.

"That's the thing. I do not have complete control over the Mind Palace anymore, because it houses the other three aspects of you as well, not just your imagination. It's almost as if the mind palace has become your brain itself. Figuratively speaking of course. If you took an X-ray, it would still look like your brain." Roman took a sip of his tea proud of what he said.

"Then what do you have control over in the mind palace Princey?" Thomas looked back at him.

"I can personify and summon objects. I also can decorate and shapeshift rooms to a degree. And that's about it. For now at least. We seem to be discovering more and more each day." Roman took another sip of tea.

"I can control the other three aspects and make sure balance is maintained." Morality exclaimed happily.

"Oh right. His infamous, 'dad mode'." Logic cocked his head sideways in slight annoyance. Thomas looked at him as if expecting an explanation. "He has the ability to null our abilities and reset the mind palace to default if we argue too much. Or, he can withhold our abilities if we...'act up'."

"I call it a timeout!" Morality crossed his arms and looked defiantly at the other sides, fully remembering how he had to punish each of them.

"And I have no clue what I do." Anxiety leaned back and acted like not knowing didn't bother him one bit.

"It's true. Anxiety's role in the mind palace is still a mystery to us. I'm sure we'll find out soon enough." Logan looked down at his notepad and flipped through the pages obviously trying to find something.

"Morality mentioned something about Anxiety representing my body." Thomas inputted.

"Yes. That is also one of my theories, but in order to test it out, you would have to be in a very dire situation." Logan found the page he was looking for and took a couple more notes on it. "One so dire that some involuntary functions would have to..." Logan took out a flash card then showed it to everyone else. "...'kick in'."

"Pfff." Anxiety and Roman stifled chuckles at Logan who just rolled his eyes as he knew that he was serious.

"Hm. So we will worry about that later, but how does all this play a role in you guys coming along with me to sushi tonight?" Thomas still wanted all the information he had learned to tie into the previous discussion.

"Ah. This is what I've been meaning to get to." Logan closed his notepad and set it on his lap. "Levels of consciousness/thinking are not unrelated to the different dimensions of reality. As you know, the real world reverts between the third and the fourth dimension. Well, imagination or pocket dimensions are actually parallels of the fourth, fifth, and sometimes sixth dimension that occur in the natural world. Are you familiar with the Path of Enlightenment?"

"Not really. It's like conscious, unconscious, deep sleep, then transcendental...right?"

"Somewhat. Anyways, your Imagination, Princey, resides in the fourth and fifth levels of the Path of Enlightenment which are Transcendental and Cosmic respectively. The Mind Palace itself lies right in between both of those levels, which is unique considering the fact that most other people have imaginations that lie in the Cosmic level and not lower."

"Is it because I split myself into four equal parts that my imagination is closer to the Transcendental level?"

"Yes. We believe that to be the case." Logan shifted positions slightly.

"Good job Thomas. You level headed the royal pain." Anxiety commented, smirking at Prince who was now having a hard time swallowing his tea after hearing that remark.

"Now about 'walking around' in the real world, we can do that. But only to a point where we would be in the same dimension as ghosts and spirits if they existed. Many other 'imaginary friends' can do that too, but not to the extent that they could be seen by animals with very strong senses. We can also use the objects you see in your day to day lives."

"Oh like frying pans?"

"Yes! Except you would not see us use them as there are many different versions of that particular object that exist in our dimensions."

"But that's what we will be doing when we go with you guys. We will make our own sushi and food using versions of what you see around you." Morality was ecstatic.

"And nobody will ever be able to see you?" Thomas asked enthusiastically.

"Nobody 'cept you, kiddo!"

"At least, nobody should." Anxiety added his two cents of uncertainty to the conversation.

"Well that's great then! How will you all travel, though?" Thomas scratched his chin thoughtfully

"The same as we always do when you travel." Princey stirred some sugar into his tea. "We just come with you. Don't you remember what Logic said? We exist in both the 4th and the 5th dimensions. The laws of the real world don't affect us." Princey blowed on his tea before taking a sip.

"Ah. That makes sens-"

"Ewwww!" Everyone turned to look at Roman who had the most revolting look on his face. "Who dares to switch my sugar with salt!?"

Morality and Thomas couldn't hold back the laughter that was bubbling out as they watched Roman's face.

"Obviously someone who thought you needed a taste of your own medicine." Anxiety remarked with a smirk on his face.

"Ugh!" Roman wiped his mouth in disgust and cleaned up after his small spill while Morality and Thomas continued to laugh.

Logan just sat there smiling smugly at Roman whom he managed to catch eye contact with. "I think it's safe to say we're even now."

Roman's jaw dropped open as he realized it was Logan who had played the prank on him.

Morality continued to chuckle, but replied. "Hehe! What are the odds?"

Logan's smile immediately turned straight faced as he turned to Morality with irritation.

Roman sprung at his chance. "Wow Logan. I would have never been able to figure out who pulled the prank if you hadn't said anything." The smug smile was now upon Roman's lips as he watched the logical side almost flip out of his skin.

"Roman!" Both Morality and Thomas were surprised.

"And now it's safe to say that your days are both numbered...dang." Logan face palmed at the pun he just made.

The room roared with laughter. Roman and Morality both threw their heads back while Thomas just sat giggling pretty hard. Anxiety even had to cover his mouth for fear of sound coming out.

Logan rubbed his temples with his left hand in utter embarrassment and sighed. It took about 5 minutes for all the giggling to end, at which he was very glad when it did. During the slight pause that everyone was catching their breath, Logan regained the upperhand of the conversation.

"Now that that fiasco is over, what are you going to be wearing tonight Thomas?"

Thomas's face immediatly fell. "I have no idea."

"Oh do not worry Thomas! I can help with that!" Roman assumed his fanciful pose pridefully. He dematerialized the tea set in front of him.

"And tell him to wear something that will make him look like a fool? Yeah thats definitely something you can help with." Anxiety sarcastically remarked.

Roman shot Anxiety a detesting look.

"Alright break it up you two. How about you both help me choose an outift?" Thomas proposed.

"What?" Roman was taken aback.

Anxiety shrugged. "Sure. Not like I got anything better to do."

"Anxiety, you have no fashion."

"Oh yeah? Wanna bet?" Anxiety glared at Roman smugly.

"Oh yes I will. I bet on the winds of change Thomas will pick the outfit I choose for him."

Anxiety scoffed mockingly. "Fine then. What happens when you win?"

"For one month, Whenever I sing a Disney song, you must join in with me. And you will sing the specified part I give to you." Roman outstretched a hand in Anxiety's direction. "And I mean actually sing because I know you can. You just choose not to."

Anxiety cowered at the thought. Oh was Princey going to get it. "...Okay. Then, if I win I get to control your fashion style for one whole month. All of your clothes you have now? Gone. Whatever you wake up to, will be what you have to wear for that day. Because I will have demonstrated that I do have fashion and that I was right." Anxiety was basically doing the z-snap with his shoulders.

"Hahahahaha!" Princey mockingly laughed. "Bring it."

Logan and Patton looked at each other and exchanged worried glances as if to say "how did this escalate so quickly?".

"Alright." Thomas was extremely amused. "Us three will go back to my room and we will see what we are up against when we get there." He nodded uncertainly.

"Fine by me." Anxiety looked at his fingernails.

"Let's get down to business!!" Princey began as the three of them dematerialized from the Mind Palace and into Thomas's Apartment.

Logan looked at Patton unsuredly. "What just happened?"

"I don't know. But one things for sure-"

"No puns please. No more."

"Alright Logy."

"It's Logan. Just...Logan."

Taglist: @mewsicalmiss @here-to-vent @anonymous-snake @cup-of-blue@storytellerofuntoldlegends @cookieartcannon @thagrinbery @ts-sideblog@protecterofalltheaus @pasteries-and-portugal @justanotherpurplebutterfly @remmythepegasis @leesacrakon@kitsuneprideleader @fancifulfox @dolphin-squirrel @evilmuffin@petunia9402 @greymane902 @we-get-it-youre-adorable@withoutfandomsiamnothing (Let me know if you want to be tagged for future chapters. :) Love you guys!)

[miriannemiri]

10 Questions Game

Tagged by @radioactivepeasant

1. How many projects/stories have you written/told?

Ah.  Well.  I don’t actually know?  I’ve gone through a couple of incarnations of online presence in a couple of fandoms, though I’ve been Miri for a decade (yes, I’ve been in fandoms for more than fifteen years), but my main focus has always been on original stories.  Of those, I’ve had one on the radio and one published.  And I have no idea how many projects sitting around in various stages on my hard drive.  I can say I have more than two million words total, and that count is. . .out of date shall we say.

2. Do you ever have multiple WIPs at once?

Pretty much constantly.  All the random little projects I post are while I’m still working on Dreamwalker (which is still ongoing, still eating my brain, and nowhere near ready to post, WHY?).  I’ve missed maybe four days of working on it since I started it in January, and I write at least 500 words a day on it.  Any other project I work on is after I write that 500.  I’ve also got several original projects that I’m semi-working on at any given time, though as mentioned, Dreamwalker is eating up a lot of my creative processes.  As is teaching, as I’ve got the equivalent of an extra class this term.  Several fairy tale or fairy tale influenced stories, naturally.  The first world I ever created gets looked over periodically and tinkered with.  I’ve got a novel in late stages of revision I’m supposed to be working on, but the revision is at a sticky point.  I really just need to declare I’m spending an hour on it every weekend and get it done.  It’s that close!

3.  What’s the first chapter book you remember reading?

Ooh, difficult question.  My parents read to me a lot as a child, and there’s a fair amount of overlap between that and what I started reading on my own.  Probably Dealing with Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede.  I love how she plays with classic fairy tale themes.  And Cimorene is such a fabulous heroine.  Narnia was also very early.  My first brush with Y.A. lit was in third grade with Tamora Pierce’s Song of the Lioness quartet, and I still love her books.  I started her when my parents said I was still a little too young for most of Robin McKinley, who is my favorite author ever.

4. Do you listen to music while writing? If so, do you ever have specific playlists for specific projects?

Mm.  Actually, I need something going on in the background to focus on my writing.  Music works (though it tends to be whatever I’m listening to at the time, rather than themed playlists).  So does setting my students to a writing exercise and waiting for them to finish, though.  (When I was a student, my “notes” were frequently actually creative writing, and when I took a bit of time between graduation and getting a job for health reasons, I’d go sit in on my father’s classes that he taught partly because they were interesting and partly because it was over an hour where I could just sit and write with background noise and guaranteed lack of interruptions.)  I also frequently put on a crime drama in the background while I write, or a baseball game.  I love baseball, but I like writing while watching it, too.

5. What is your favorite genre to write?

Oh, fantasy, always.  There’s a reason legends and myths keep creeping their way into my Star Wars fanfics.  I grew up on the feminist fairy tale books my mom got me, and I completely adore them still.  But hey, I’m a fairy tale specialist.  I teach them.  I analyze them.  I read them.  I love them.  :)

6. Do you ever experiment with other styles or genres?

Sometimes.  I do blended genres a bit.  The novel that’s in revision is near future fantasy.  I’ve got a couple fantasy/mystery blends.  My Star Wars fanfic tends to get fairy tale themes dragged into it. . .  (No, I’m not obsessive, why would you say that?! *laughs*)

7. What is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

Touch choice.  It would vary by the day.  Have a line that probably fits somewhere in Dreamwalker, even if I’m not entirely sure where:

“If you cost me my son, I will set the Galaxy aflame before I follow him.”

8. Summarize your favorite scene you’ve ever written in any of your works:

Hm.  Touch choice.  I’d have to choose between a couple for the first world I ever created.  That’s still the mythology for pretty much every original project I’ve ever written, and I have a bunch of bits and pieces about that world itself, too.  I keep rewriting the first novel set there.  It’s the first novel I ever wrote, and it has about ten incarnations at this point.  I keep experimenting with style and tinkering with the plot.

The two scenes are before the beginning and after the end of the whole saga.  Keep in mind, this is the mythology for my worlds; the characters are gods.  So there’s the classic conflict between the two highest powers, and their children are caught between them.  One of the kids knows far more about what set this conflict off than the other and is willing to pay the price he knows it will take to to end this, however many millennia will pass between.  The other kid, the one who’s actually foretold to end things, she doesn’t know, so she sees their mother’s cruelty as cruelty.  So I’ve written a scene set before the ‘verse starts, with the son and the mother discussing the price he’ll pay, if he’s ready to pay it.  And also that the mother’s reasons aren’t entirely pragmatic, that the punishment is also partly because he looks too much like his father.  And even though it probably won’t be included in any story, except maybe as backstory at the end of things, just that hinted knowledge that the reader and the main character won’t have is fun.  I had to write it.  I knew it happened, and I needed to see it, and it really informs my characterization of both of them whenever I write them.  So even though it may never be included, it’s incredibly important to me.

The other is after everything is resolved, when the son acknowledges that despite being willing, the price he paid hurt him, in a way that isn’t easy to recover from.  It’s the first time he’s ever admitted that.

9. Do you find editing a daunting prospect? Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Mm.  Revision or editing?  Editing I don’t mind, fixing smaller errors and the like.  I don’t always catch them, another set of eyes is still incredibly valuable even though I’m good at this and teach this, but it doesn’t bother me.  I loathe revising with a fiery passion.  It’s incredibly frustrating.

10. Do you ever draw or doodle the characters in your story to help you visualize a scene?

No, because I’m a lousy artist for people and things.  I can’t manage effective stick figures.  However, I do have a sketchbook and drawing pad with maps of several of my original worlds, because I can draw maps.  And that’s fun.  I’m not a visual thinker, so having an image of a world’s geography I can look at while I plan a story really helps me.

And I’m lousy at playing tag games.  Hm.  Let’s see.  Ten questions.

1.  How did you get involved in writing fanfic?

2.  How much do you like including original legends and stories in your writing, original or fanfic?

3.  How much attention do you pay to the little details, like how long a trip in hyperspace should take?

4.  Do you enjoy creating original characters?  Or is it easier to write other people’s?

5.  Favorite author?

6.  Do you have a favorite fairy tale?  If so, what?  (I’m really convincing on the not obsessive front. . .)

7.  Do you find the visual details of characters or the mindset easier to write when writing emotional scenes?

8.  If you could dictate the topic of a Star Wars spin off, what would it be?

9.  Favorite trope?

10.  Have you ever had a trope that really isn’t your cup of tea get into your head and make you try to figure out how to make it work?  (I’m currently suffering through this.)

Hm.  Who to tag.  Well, completely voluntary, but if @kaelinaloveslomaris, @laivaaja, and @flaminganakin would like to answer?  Or if @radioactivepeasant would like tagged back!  :)

[tinymixtapes]

Music Review: Feist - Pleasure

Feist Pleasure [Interscope; 2017] Rating: 2/5 “My aim is to examine the case of a society which has been loudly castigating itself for its hypocrisy for more than a century, which speaks verbosely of its own silence, takes great pains to relate in detail the things it does not say, denounces the powers it exercises, and promises to liberate itself from the very laws that have made it function.” – Michel Foucault, The History of Sexuality Millennial pink won’t warm over. “The color keeps on selling product,” as Lauren Schwartzberg at New York wrote in a profile of the color last month. And now, the tone of Paris Hilton Juicy sweat suits and fuzzy Clueless pens, as vivid as ever, adorns the cover of indie powerhouse Leslie Feist’s first album in six years, Pleasure, which depicts someone in a pink dress leaping through a portal to a place called PLEASURE. The door resembles the entrance to a Williamsburg watering hole that charges $10 for the fries and then $4 for the ketchup: when you step inside, Pleasure is playing on the jukebox. When you walk out, you’re broke, and you don’t feel good. Some of my favorite pop songs give pleasure; others critique it. The best do both, thrilling me with sonic invention but also making me rethink why I buy, steal, and beg for the things I do: Janelle Monae’s ongoing reworking of the audiovisual, which sends my senses spinning. Annie Clark’s gloriously icy performances of withholding, making me wonder what gender is. Or Jenny Hval’s quivery, questioning falsetto, singing of a pleasure that provides relief from the inequalities caused by someone else’s excess. Meanwhile, Feist spins milquetoast relationship yarns and loudly brands them catharsis (cf. “Hard Feelings: A Conversation With Feist”). The pleasures that Pleasure describes are mundane to the point of tedium, trite beyond cliché. And the music itself is, despite the strength of Feist’s voice, mostly intolerable. Over-driven guitar and top-notch PR do not a blues singer make. With the money used to hire the gardener for the album cover’s hedge, Feist could have paid a poet double. Take “Any Party,” its rhyme and meter unbearably straight, where the central conflict is that a poor little rich girl can’t call her boyfriend because he turned his ringer off. She forgives him in the end, telling him: “You know I’d leave any party for you/ There’s no party as sweet as our party of two/ I’m getting tired of these clowns and balloons/ You know I’d leave any party for you.” She really would leave the party for him, and we know because she says so more than 10 times. In an attempt to inject some grit into the album’s content, The New York Times has praised the album’s songs as “borderline crude with shame and despair” (a compliment); NPR describes the title track as “swinging back and forth between elegance and nastiness,” a decent, if overblown, ad campaign. For a certain audience, “nastiness” retains an empowering resonance, a ticket to middlebrow feminine transgression — though, to paraphrase the writer Sarah Nicole Prickett, most people rushing to reclaim the term “nasty” are, in fact, only rushing to claim it. In the nicest nasty way, Feist says in an interview that pleasure and pain go hand in hand, as if we didn’t know that, as if we didn’t know that flirting often leads to fucking, which sometimes leads to feeling bad. But this is the same persona who suggests that it is possible to conjure vulnerability, or to “decide” your way out of depression, someone who is delighted to be asked by her interlocutor about the audible layer of tape hiss that pervades Pleasure (not only hiss, but also crowd noise show up on many of the tracks). Feist uses these aberrations as evidence of her production team’s “experiment of investing in imperfection,” as if spontaneity were something a synergistic startup could sell. The vision it took to let that tape hiss linger in the mix: it’s not the retromanic, pseudo-edgy, contrivedly Authentic™ recording aesthetic that America wants. No, it’s the one we need. This courage led Feist to recently tweet, of the album: “I was raw and so were the takes.” It’s peculiar to me that a modern recording project with access to every audio gadget since the wax cylinder could fail to mask noise and deem it some kind of anti-style, but this is the same microsystem that permitted Feist to tweet that, much to her “surprise,” NPR had leaked word about the release of Pleasure, which in turn led NPR, in subsequent coverage, to refer back to the initial breaking of that announcement as “amusingly, to the surprise of Leslie Feist herself.” Hm. I’d think a team booking international tours would remember to tell the most important employee of their brand that her album release would be announced the next morning. The hype-cycled innocuousness of Feist’s “raw” persona is what enabled The New York Times, in their profile, to write sincerely of her “inner burdens,” a dramatic emotional weight that surely only a grown-ass person who claims she “thrived as an underdog,” and whose tour schedule includes Harvard University, could afford to posture to bear. Of the creative process for the album, the singer said: “I wanted to make sure it was a legitimate drive, coming from a really honest and humble place, not because it’s what I do.” Circling past disavowal back to naïveté, this earnest confession of pure motives left me puzzled: is the lady working us or herself? Pitchfork holds a straight face when it writes of the singer’s “sublime austerity,” maybe not having visited her web storefront, which offers shoppers an “autographed vintage guitar” ($600) or autographed beechwood headphones, sold as part of the “Pleasure Deluxe Package” ($200). Later, as I imagined that Pleasure Deluxe Package, nestled snugly inside its custom wood box, I got less wet. And when I listened closely to “Baby Be Simple,” its song form obediently enacting its title, I vomited, just a little bit, in my mouth. When I spat it in the sink, I looked at my bile — it was millennial pink, and it cost me absolutely nothing. I am raw and so is the take. http://j.mp/2pnXQyI