#but it’s like seeing characters being reduced to ‘the mum friend’ or ‘the one with the brain cell’ or ‘the sunshine boy’

[britishraptor]

You know guys sometimes people are just smart right

[kingkatsuki]

He just wants to be good enough for you always🥺

Warnings: fluff, reader has a mum and dad.

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x f!reader.

Word Count: 1.1k.

You know how he feels.

It was the same feeling that bubbled inside your tummy when you were meeting his parents for the first time. Feeling silly for being so nervous the minute you stepped through the door as you were welcomed into a fierce hug by Mitsuki. A large photo album strewn over both your laps as Masaru offered you some homemade dorayaki.

“It ain’t the same thing,” He scoffs, staring at his reflection in the mirror as he pulls his tie out of its loop to start all over.

“How is it not the same?” You laugh from your position at your vanity, stroking your clear gloss against your lips as you watch him struggle with his tie again.

“They need to know that I can take care of ya,” He pushes, cursing under his breath when he looped the tie.

There’s something that convinces him that he’ll somehow never be good enough for you. The self-doubt and insecurity that’s plagued him since childhood rears its ugly head for situations like these— situations that have your usually strong and confident boyfriend reduced to that same terrified little boy.

“They know you take care of me, baby.” You turn in your chair to face him.

“I ain’t even number one yet, and they need to believe I’m good enough to look after their little girl?” He drops his tie in exasperation as it sits around his neck.

Standing up from your position at his vanity as you make your way over to him. Cupping his hands in your smaller ones as you lace your fingers together at your sides. Squeezing reassuringly as you practically feel his heart pounding against his ribcage, brows furrowed as you smile up at him.

“They won’t care about any of that, Katsuki.” You coo, feeling how sweaty his palms have become from preparing to meet your parents, “All they’ll care about is that you’re treating me well, and that you’re a good man.”

“A good man that leaves you for weeks at a time.” He scoffs.

It’s always a sore spot in your relationship when Bakugou has to leave for work. The best missions always seem to be the ones that take him further away from home than either of you would like. The biggest boosts to his hero ranking always seem to mean the longer trips, phone calls and FaceTimes at unsociable hours the things that keep you both close. But he always keeps his promise to return back to you safely, little gifts from the destination that reminded you of him.

“You do what you have to do, and I understand so they will too.” You reach your hands up to his forgotten tie. Slowly wrapping the fabric around to begin to loop it, pulling it through as he keeps his crimson gaze on you, “There’s no one else for me, Katsuki. Never will be.”

Bakugou would steal the sun in the sky for you if he could, submerge the entire world into darkness if it meant that only you could see it’s glow. There isn’t a single thing he wouldn’t do for you, and if only everyone could see that. The scrutinising tabloid articles and online posts still attack his character, wondering how a man as bold and brash as Dynamight could ever love anyone. But he proves it to you daily, through his words and actions.

You’d found a good one in Bakugou Katsuki, the perfect man. And you’d spend every day fighting his corner if you had to.

“Do you think I should bring that award I got last week? I think it might show your parents that—”

“Katsuki,” You cut off his rambling, shaking your head, “They don’t need to see that to know you’re successful. And I’m pretty sure my mum’s shown an article about that to all of her friends already.”

“I just want them to know that I can look all after ya,” He continues, “Even though my last mission ran over.”

A three week mission had turned into six after Bakugou had discovered the villain he had been tracking down was at the centre of a huge drug ring, the extra three weeks had meant taking down the entire operation but it had meant leaving you alone for Christmas— when he was first supposed to meet them.

“They understood, Kats.”

“I think your ma was pissed.” He scoffs.

“Not as pissed as yours,” You laughed, “She spent the entire evening complaining about it when I dropped off our gifts for them.”

“That old hag,” He shook his head, “She still goes on about that, you know. Doesn’t matter that I jumped up fifty points because of it.”

“No matter what happens— I love you, so they will too.” You smooth your palm along his chest to lay his neatly tied tie down flat against his dress shirt. His hand reaching up to try and tug at the uncomfortable collar as you grin up at him. Standing up on tiptoes to steal a kiss before wiping your gloss from his lips with your thumb, an action that’s halted by him licking his lips to taste the sticky sweetness as he pulls his head back.

“You’re such a dork.” You laugh, shaking your head as you turn around to check your face in the full length mirror.

“Yeah, but I’m your dork.” He hums, wrapping his arms around your waist as he settles his chin against your shoulder.

“Yeah, you are.” You smile, resting your hands on his arms as he sways you side to side, “But I hope you’re ready for my mum to grill you about when we’re having kids.”

“Our ma’s together are gonna be a fuckin’ nightmare.” Bakugou groans, hiding his eyes in the curve of your neck as you start laughing.

“I’d expect nothing less for our relationship.” You smiled, “I’m still recovering from your proposal.”

“Oi,” Bakugou’s arms tightened around your waist, “It ain’t my fault that villain ruined the perfect fuckin’ proposal.”

[amageish]

So, Felicia Hardy mentions having a girlfriend in Marvel's Spider-Man 2 and this has resulted in a lot of discussion... I wanna talk about it!

One thing I find really interesting about the conversation is that so many articles discussing it credit Felicia's bisexuality to this moment from 2021, where she and Odessa Drake have an on-panel kiss followed by an off-panel one-night-stand.

While this is pretty friggin' gay and good for them, I feel like reducing the story to "Black Cat kissed a girl in 2021 and that's why she has a girlfriend in the video game" is missing a lot of the larger context... so let's discuss some of the history of Felicia Hardy, AKA the chaotic crime bisexual Black Cat.

Felicia Hardy debuted in 1979. Tamara Blake, her "oldest friend" and female lover, first appeared in 1984, only 5 years later, debuting in the Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man Annual "Cat and Mouse."

Dropping by for a night of "harmless frolic," Tamara robs Felicia, aiming to play a game of cat-and-mouse with her friend. While their relationship is not explicitly romantic in this story, Tamara is portrayed as very close to her ex-partner-in-crime and very familiar with her relationship habits. She is surprised by the reveal that Black Cat is trying to settle down with Spider-Man - and to be skeptical about if Felicia will be able to tie herself down to one man... almost as if she knows Felicia has a pattern of behaviour when it comes to monogamy.

I don't know if this story was intentionally gay or not, but it would be used as a foundation for later queer storytelling about Felicia, so it seems worth mentioning it here!

What is pretty explicit, however, is Felicia's relationship with her partner Diana in the 2002 Spider-Girl series. They are just called partners, not lovers, but the framing and discussion of it is obvious enough that, in my opinion, if you know that gay people exist and can accept the possibility of them being gay, then you probably will read this and go "Oh, yeah, they are gay."

This story does not take place in Earth-616 and is primarily focused on Mayday Parker as Spider-Girl and Felicity Hardy as Scarlet Spider, but Felicity does have two moms - and we love that for her!

Jumping ahead a bit, Tamara returned via flashback in Black Cat #10, released in 2020, and this fleshed out their backstory together. It revealed how they trained together under Black Fox as their mentor and clearly shows them using slight-of-hand to hold hands and canoodle without Fox noticing what they're up to.

This is just a super-cute panel to me. That's such a clever use of slight-of-hand; I love it so much...

The next year, in Black Cat Vol 2 #3, there's a vision of Black Cat surrounded by a harem of her lovers, which includes Tamara and Odessa alongside several of her more famous male affairs.

Shortly thereafter, she kissed Odessa on the lips, as discussed earlier. In case the earlier evidence was not enough for you, Felicia Hardy is now formally unquestionably a girl-kisser. We even later get to see her and Drake's one-night-stand via flashback, in case there was any lingering doubts about what happened.

However, it also doesn't end there. It's not like Felicia just kissed a women, Marvel patted themselves on the back, and now she's been back to dating Peter Parker exclusively. There are plenty of comic characters who have had one defining "queer moment" and mum's been the word on their queerness since then... Felicia, meanwhile, is very loudly bisexual.

Immediately, she got a Pride variant cover in 2021 and has been on at least one cover every year since. My favourite is probably this one from 2022, which is both very poly and also features Peter Parker... I'm sure if you'd ask Marvel corporate they'd say he is just there as an ally, but it's still funny to me.

In 2021, she was the character used for the grand return of Jessie Drake (Felicia really has a thing for women with last names that end with -ake, apparently). Jessie was Marvel's first explicitly transgender character, debuting all the way back in 1992. After getting off to a rocky start, Felicia blows up a building with Jessie's help and they go out for dinner.

(This story was not followed up on as the book it was supposed to lead into got cancelled. Drake has not so much as cameoed since. F in the chat for Jessie Drake).

In 2022, there was an 5-issue mini-series all about Tony Stark and Felicia bonding over their mutual problem of supervillain ex-girlfriends trying to murder them. Of the two halves of the pair, Felicia gets the better deal - Tamara not only teams up with Felicia and Tony to fight Tony's ex, but they do so much flirting that Tony forgets that are not currently dating.

And, finally, in 2023, there was another Felicia story in a Pride issue wherein she hooked up with a pseudo-diety and also worked with Gambit to fuck with some transphobes in the process. Good for them!

This is not by any means a definitive list of everything gay Felicia has done - she famously flirts with MJ and Cindy a lot, for instance - but I hope it provides some larger context to Felicia's sexuality in the game.

Moreover, I hope it shows that queer storytelling isn't always about writing a single gay kiss that generates headlines. A lot of Marvel and DC queer storytelling that goes viral isn't the actual multi-issue multi-comic-run queer stuff; it's the one big kiss or something subtextual that happens to feature MCU heroes with better SEO then people like Felicia have... and I think it's the more under-the-radar stuff that's often more valuable.

[mauveberries]

I saw your anti-Jegulus post, and wanted to offer my two cents. I actually don’t personally mind Jegulus as a ship itself (I wouldn’t call myself a fan or anything, but I’m not too bothered by it), but I actually do think a lot of the fanon portrayals of Jegulus have constant hints of misogyny. For example, I’ve seen a lot of Jegulus fics/headcanons about Lily having a baby and essentially abandoning her family in order to leave room for Jegulus raising Harry. It’s a very tired cliche of fans of MLM ships trying to get women out of the way any way they can, as long as they can get use out of them first (in this scenario, Lily giving birth to Harry).

Another common thing I see is the criticism/opinion that Jily is boring (which is absolutely fair, everyone is entitled to their opinion) but then project a lot of Jily’s tropes onto Jegulus (some that I’ve seen are matching patronuses, James being extremely infatuated and pining over Regulus, or making Regulus’ personality identical to canon Lily’s and then turning Lily into a bland, one dimensional character). I think where people are coming from is that because of this, it genuinely feels like these people would in fact like Jily, and the only issue they have with it is that Lily is a woman. I also find myself genuinely wondering if Regulus would be as popular as he is now if he were a female character.

I don’t think people who like Jegulus are individually being misogynistic, I think it’s more of the general concept of Jegulus becoming popular and the treatment of all characters involved has strong undertones of misogyny.

This isn’t meant to be hateful or combative btw, so I hope it didn’t come off that way. I just saw your post and wanted to offer my perspective on it.

oh no worries anon, your message is clear. and you are right, the jegulus fandom is misogynistic in the way that you say that they are, and i dislike that.

but the point of my post is that you can't exactly be mysogynistic towards lily evans, because the author herself is already misogynistic towards her. my point was that jily is no better than jegulus.

think of it this way, lily evans, the mother of the protagonist of the series, whose love saved the protag’s life should have a more prominent role in the series. but instead, her whole life is portrayed to revolve around male characters. her role in ths story is reduced to being a mother. [i'm not saying motherhood is a bad thing, i just wish it was explored with more complexity and nuance.]

jily is also the most basic, misogynistic heterosexual pairing ever imo. james is immature, lily is mature, and james changed for her because he wanted her to like him.

that's it, that's literally it. the fact that james 'changed' himself is the more important part of their dynamic. lily herself is not shown having any feelings for james, and how she went through the process of forgiving him. james is this manchild, with atrocious behaviour and he's expected to change for lily. it's like lily isn't even her own person anymore!

i don't like the jily dynamics as well because james was lowkey blackmailing lily into dating him and the way that their romance is pprtrayed, it feels like she just eventually accepted it, after he 'changed.'

at this point, even though it was lily's love that saved harry's life, she is such a non-entity in the series. harry is portrayed to be more interested in learning about james, and lily is depicted as having NO concrete friends in canon! the mary detail in canon hardly counts because that scene was more focused on snape! another man. seriously! every aspect of her life revolves around some GUY.

not to mention, after she graduates, guess what. she stays at home to take care of the baby while james becomes a strong auror! are you seeing this?! she's a trad wife. she's literally a stay-at-home mum because she decided she wanted to get knocked up in the middle of the war. the only counter-point to this is if voldemort wasn't after harry, she might have gone to work, but it is iffy, too, because who decides it's a good idea to have a baby in the middle of a war? she could have fought alongside james but nooo she has to watch while james puts his invisibility cloak on to goof around with sirius while her baby's life is in danger.

"it genuinely feels like these people would in fact like Jily, and the only issue they have with it is that Lily is a woman." <- you're right anon, but this doesn't matter to me as i feel that both the ships are equally bad.

tl;dr: jily is also a lowkey misogynistic in my opinion. jegulus is just as bad, and you are right, some of its fans are misogynistic as well.

[swimmingwithfish]

XO, Kitty and the start of the queer character evolution.

(Spoilers for XO Kitty Below!)

I’m always one for teen dramas. It’s a guilty pleasure that I take much delight in. Classic rom-coms like 10 Things I Hate About You and Clueless have always been my favourites. But to me, they always felt too straight. Too much heteronormative things and none of the queer rep I always wanted, even in more modern films and TV Shows in the genre. 

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before has always been one of my favourtie movies, so, when I found out about the spin off series XO, Kitty, I was ecstatic. Kitty had always been a character I resonated with and I loved all of Jenny Han’s other work. 

Going into it, I expected the classic two boys fighting over one girl love triangle, a gay best friend and the girl best friend that I always seem to ship the main character with. I had predicted most of the story from the start. Until.

XO, Kitty is far from the ‘girl meets boy’ I was familiar with. It’s a queer love story and a coming out story and a self-discovery story. Definitely not the black and white romance i thought it would follow. 

We have Q, the GBF, who is far from the feminine male sterotype you see in teen TV. He doesn’t give Kitty fashion advice and makeovers (which isn’t a bad thing btw), but a jock, the atheltic scholarship kid, who sure, does know a good dress when he sees one, but takes on a character that’s still such a worthy queer person without having to fall into the feminine sterotype. 

Then we have Yuri, the Korean ‘it’ girl, also the girl best friend. She’s not the bimbo pick me girl you think she might me. She’s complex and interesting and she’s gay. Her storyline is something you don’t see often, and they really delve into the struggles of what it’s like being queer in a place and family where you’re not allowed to. Her journey is beautiful and powerful and reflects the coming out struggle in such an honest way, without making her story as a queer person just about coming out. She says the line ‘I have to live a fake life just so you’ll keep loving me’, when coming out to her mum and that encompassed so much of my current queer experience, especially as a person of colour. I think that it was for me, a sort of ‘Hey! we’re in the same boat’ thing and really made me feel so much more seen. She’s a well developed queer character that isn’t reduced to a ‘placed there just for representation’ character.

And we have Kitty herself. The main character. I honestly did not expect Netflix and the producers to go in this direction, but Kitty is queer. At first, I didn’t know if they were just sorta doing it for the sake of it. It didn’t feel like a deliberate decision. Maybe more of a thought that crosses her mind during the show. But Kitty has a crush on Yuri, and the way they address it is so different. They don’t exactly show that coming out to yourself thought process (which I kind of wish they did), rather, Kitty likes Yuri and she just accepts that, which I think is cool. I like now we don’t always need this big revelation moments (although, they’re still cool), but I think it shows the progression of how we treat queer characters as not spectacles for the audience, but just, people. Kitty’s crush on Yuri also felt very resemblant to my own crush on my friend which was probably why I related to her so much but just in general, it felt so natural to just have a queer main character in a non-queer focused show. Like, this wasn’t Hearstopper. No one expected it to be, yet, here we are, and I’m so happy about that.

This evolution into organically created queer characters is something we defnintely need more of and I’m so glad that Netflix is taking the step to do so. ALTHOUGH I REALLY HOPE THIS IS NOT BECAUSE THEY’RE TRYING TO GET REDEMPTION FOR CANCELLING ALL THE OTHER SAPPHIC SHOWS. 

I also feel like though, that Jenny Han is just like a great person because whenever it’s her books being adapted, there’s always this like ‘organic queerness’. Like, in The Summer I Turned Pretty, there’s this guy Jeremiah, who in her book is presented as this straight guy, but in the show he just like kisses some guy and it was a dileberate from of causal representation (if that’s even a thing). Like kissing that guy didn’t add to the plot, but it wasn’t queerbaiting either because (well for me personally) I felt like the directors were like ‘This is Jeremiah. He’s queer, and he’s a main love interest’ and being queer didn’t like shatter the earth around him, it was just a part of him, as it is for all queer people.

But XO, Kitty itself aside from Kitty and Yuri is so good (maybe because I’m a sucker for these things), but everything about it just makes me squeal. I feel like teen TV is taking a turn in terms of creating realistic characters. And while we still have a long way to go (GENDER DIVERSE AND CULTURALLY DIVERSE PEOPLE!!!! CMON NETFLIX), XO, Kitty feels like a really big win for queer (and especially QPOC) people. 

[dribs-and-drabbles]

#BADBUDDYREWATCH

Ep 12!

The fucking timeskip.

Look, I'll be honest...when I first watched this and saw the 'Advanced English Grammar' book on Pat's bedside table* I wondered if it was a hint that he and Pran were still together - after all, who would need that book more, Pat in Thailand or Pran in Singapore? - but I didn't trust myself to believe...I thought I was clutching at straws. But I should trust my instinct in the future.

*and Pat's red and blue bedsheets, and that Pat got up straight away, and Pran's mint green towel, and Pran's red, yellow, and blue bedsheets, and that Pran still had The Watch, and that Pat took a photo of Pran's dorm room door, and the mint green balloons... 🤦🏽‍♀️

I can't get over how bad Wai's trousers are, they're too high-waisted for him, they don't look good at all.

"You keep staring at him. Why don't you punch him already?" Don't get fooled by those stern expressions. One is the face of the man who went to the wrong airport to pick up his boyfriend and the other is the face of the man who didn't get picked up by his boyfriend because he went to the wrong airport 😂 Oh Pran's disappointment and Pat's guilt...and both lamenting the missed opportunity for reunion sex 🤷🏽‍♀️

I have to say it, I still think the pacing of this ep isn't great. We spend far too much time with the reunion party, with the flashbacks and the music and the photo and the mc character...each of these could have been shorter and we could have gotten on to Pat and Pran being together quicker. I think the impact would have been just as strong but without all the waffle. I mean, ELEVEN minutes could have been reduced to 5 tbh.

Add Pran's shoes to the bad wardrobe choices.

This ep's not giving us good 'girlfriend representation' - three male characters now have implied that their girlfriends are controlling or demanding of them...whereas it could have been framed more like wanting to get home because they love their girlfriends so much. smh

Oh but Pat swallowing when he sees Pran on the other side of the door...PRICELESS. And Pran's "I'm delivering food." Horny devils.

My absolute favourite moment of this ep? The way Pat is lying at the beginning of part 3.

Their fucking grins when they're being 'comforted' by their mothers. 😂😂😂

I WANT PRAN'S SWEATER FROM WHEN HE LEAVES FOR SINGAPORE. I WANT IT!

God, Feral Musky Scented Hoe Pran was unleashed this ep!

And my absolute second favourite moment of the ep? The way Pran looks/says "Really?!" at 10:44 of part 3.

Oh and also add Wai's shirt in the bar to the questionable wardrobe choices...

The smile t-shirt from ep 1!!! We've come full circle.

I LOVE Pat's mum's reaction to Pa seeing Pran. She perks up so much - she must know that it means Pat has a reason to be happy again...and that he might visit home...and he does not even a minute later! And she's so enthusiastic about Pat's 'friend's' gift...so obviously from Pran...and Man Baby Ming is just sat there sour-faced 😄

Why does Ming picking up the whisky glass make me emotional?! ffs 😭 And Dissaya leaving the guitar. And Ming leaving the post. AND Dissaya's fucking smile after she hears Pat and Pran laughing. 😭😭😭 ajslkefnFNA;LNFLKNGLAKDNGLAKD

Oh no Oh no... When We Were Younger instrumental...and the tin can scene...oh no I am not ok... No don't... It's when they switch to their younger versions that breaks me.

NOOOOooooooooo it can't end. I need more of them!

The rooftop/balcony scene! And we end at peak PatPran - the competitiveness, the feral musky scented hoe Pran-ness, the "Pran, it's not a porno!".

Quite frankly, it's perfect.

[scribble-dribble-writes]

This written work is a little different to the ones I share here, but I felt the urge to put it out for some reason haha. It's my take on 'trust'. I've had a lot of people tell me recently that I should be more open and vulnerable, that concept is so weird. Like how do I go around just spilling everything that's dear to me to a stranger who literally has no interest in my life and then sit to watch them dissect it, to tell me how I need to feel and process it. But the moment you say no, they shift to talk about your 'trust issues' which I find very funny.

And I have a feeling this might give comfort to those who might find themselves in the same boat as me. To them I want to say what my mum told me in the morning, that it's ok to take time. To sit with yourself and build it up. (Maybe that's why I love Wakanda Forever)

That movie has single handedly put on screen a way to deal with these complex emotions tied to grief as a woman, that's it ok to be messy and feel angry for the past and how things have turned out, but you can process it and deal with it in your stride. I rewatch it so often for it's story but more so because it feels cathartic and I feel seen through these characters and their pain.

So let me know if you like this or not, haha I can once in a while share a couple others like these. 💖💖💖💖💖

Ryan Coogler this one's for you!! You've sparked my love for writing again ✨

Ps. I used to do drama in highschool so I just had to read this poem like it's a monologue 🤣

Trust is a flimsy thing

Its astonishing that as a kid,

the concept of trust is an abstract idea.

A lunch shared, best friends for life,

and you navigate through the phases,

get hurt in different places.

A scraped knee, a bruised eye,

a broken heart, a damaged ego.

It varies, the innocence fades,

our playground sporks are replaced with knives

and words, that cut deeper than most,

to leave wounds that never close,

that you may be eighty, to still harbor the pain

when no one showed up to your party.

The narrative shifts,

from friends to frenemies to enemies,

people begin to fail and there's no alternative to it.

You trust, it breaks, ductape it together to try again,

but now you encase it in platinum,

make it hard to get, to live in a castle

that becomes a prison,

when people cry out to tell you

not to bottle it in,

but you own a lot of bottles.

Better to have them contained, cold and frozen,

rather than share it, only for them to get drunk in it.

To then have critise its smell and acidity.

All my tears are tart and my memories sweet,

this vineyard is only for me to use.

Because when its shared, its never a secret

and with it, my privacy ripped like a veil.

With every step you get closer,

to see the real thing, to see the real me

and thats were trust becomes a flimsy thing.

I want to give it to you

but the past paints a different view.

One of betrayal and chaos

and the truth surfaces,

I don't want to be hurt again,

I don't want to be played again.

So I'll hold it out to you,

but clench it deep within my fingers,

so i can see you try and fail.

That in the end,

I'll live in my castle with the walls full of bottles,

like a skittish animal afraid of passing lights,

cause that's all it is, trust is a flimsy thing.

Once torn, its turns to rags,

that you use out of pity to wipe old paintbrushes

and say it had once been a decadent gown,

passed down for centuries,

only to see it reduced to nothing.

Cause value is arbitary and worth is self defined,

trust is a cellopane that holds these together.

It's a bubble that pops when your friend lies,

a bridge that burns when you cry,

because love can be unconditional,

but trust needs to be built out of cobblestone.

It needs time and care and effort.

So when I get critised for being slow to renovate

and quick to judge,

its only because my trust lays in shreds.

I need people who know to knit, to patch and stitch

cause with anyone else, rags with turn to threads.

Trust is a flimsy thing,

because its two way street,

you can't fix it on your own.

❤️❤️❤️

[dedkake]

I posted 8,808 times in 2022

That's 1,422 more posts than 2021!

74 posts created (1%)

8,734 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@spockvarietyhour

@carsonsweebabyturtles

@gerec

@logicheartsoul

@sparrowsarus

I tagged 8,805 of my posts in 2022

#stargate atlantis - 3,546 posts

#fanart - 1,002 posts

#star trek - 819 posts

#mcshep - 819 posts

#stargate - 735 posts

#!!! - 687 posts

#yes - 634 posts

#cherik - 438 posts

#fic - 382 posts

#xmen - 370 posts

Longest Tag: 99 characters

#post trinity more like rodney mckay's mission to show up for john sheppard 24/7 without being asked

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

do you ever just remember that it's john's biggest fear that rodney dies and it’s his fault and everyone knows and blames him (and he’s going to lose his friends over this too) and also his boss comes at him and says the situation has compromised him and he's fired. he's afraid that losing rodney will mean losing atlantis and i caNNOT

102 notes - Posted February 11, 2022

#4

always getting in trouble | a somewhat silly mcshep reclist

Exotic Species by 30toseoul | <1k, t

It wasn't that Rodney enjoyed how things regularly jumped up and tried to kill him in the Pegasus Galaxy.

Queer readings of Tolstoy in the Pegasus Galaxy by SquaresAreNotCircles | 1k, t

Rodney’s mouth is wide and wet and hot. His hands are broad and agile and surprisingly strong, and it’s a scorching shivery shock when one of them moves from John’s shoulders south, walking down his ribcage and reminding him he’s ticklish and-

He snatches up Rodney’s wrist and puts his other hand flat on Rodney’s sternum and wrenches his mouth free.

Or: Why else would you take a book like that with you to another galaxy?

Euler's Jewel. by Basingstoke | 1k, m

In which John is a geek.

Snappy Comeback by mific | 1k, e

Rodney went still. "Wait, hang on. This isn't just you wanting a partner in crime to play hookey and sneak a midnight swim, is it?" He blinked up at John, his eyes wide and dark. "This is a date!"

Nash Equilibria Are For Losers by Persiflager | 1k, m

This was Rodney’s life now - reduced to the cable repair guy, surrounded by people who unironically fist-bumped, and doomed to die alone and get eaten by cats.

Through a glass, weirdly by valdomarx | 1k, t

Ronon ends up in the home universe of Rod McKay, the alternate version of Rodney that visited them a while back.

It's a pretty strange place.

Low-Slung, Surfer Boy by sheafrotherdon & thegrrrl2002 | 1k, e

The boys take a vacation, and all it takes for everything to come unraveled is one pair of swim trunks.

Collider by busaikko | 1k, e

Large Hadron Collider, large hard-on collider, practically the same thing... if you're John Sheppard and are trying to irritate Rodney into bed.

How to Date an Asshole by Punk | 2k, e

They're at an impasse.

Attack Of The Giant Robot From Outer Space by skoosiepants | 2k, t

John wants to hug it, and possibly use his tongue in inappropriate ways.

Cred by Resonant | 2k, e

What it takes to get Rodney's full attention.

John Sheppard vs. The Magic Ball of Love by SquaresAreNotCircles | 2k, t

John grimaces. “Magic ball of love?”

“It’s that artifact thing from yesterday.” Rodney finds the time to tut in between bites and actual words. “This is what happens when Zelenka approves the underlings’ paperwork before I’ve officially decided on a name.”

Or: There’s John, there’s Rodney, there’s an Ancient glowy ball, and a lot of very successful non-communication. Just an average week on Atlantis.

See the full post

158 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

#3

favorite little humanizing sga character bits

john is bad at directions and has a guitar he never plays

teyla is bad at cooking and is Very Obvious when she has a crush

rodney has disgusting eating habits and keeps framed pics of his cats

ford is bad at simple math and also bad at telling jokes

ronon is always trying to set people up and is a film connoisseur

carson loves his mum and loves to gossip

jennifer loves her dad and is afraid of scary movies

elizabeth plays solitaire to procrastinate and doesn’t Get Sports

sam has framed pics of all her friends and likes getting her hands dirty

woolsey relaxes by getting fancy and is bad at technology

181 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

#2

season 1 john: remembering what it’s like to have a family 

season 2 john: remembering that boundaries are important in relationships

season 3 john: living his best life 

season 4 john: desperately clinging to his team as they develop their own lives outside of team

season 5 john: isolating himself so it hurts less

196 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

too loud for words | a grab bag of mcshep emotions reclist

Exit Wounds by Powderpuff | <1k, m

When John thought about sleeping with Rodney, it was usually frantic, furious, and biting; aggressive and demanding, like Rodney himself often was. John expected bruises; expected it to hurt the next day, in that pleasant, “I just got laid” sort of way. In short, he expected it to be like all of the other times, after Nancy. He wasn’t so foolish as to imagine it wouldn’t matter, because everything with Rodney mattered—all John could hope for was that it didn’t scar.

September 20th, 2011 by velocitygrass | 1k, t

It's the end of DADT and nothing will really change for John.

start me up and watch me go by sabinelagrande | 1k, e 

Rodney discovers a new equation.

Sleeping Arrangements by Brumeier | 1k, t 

Of all the risks John faced in the Pegasus galaxy, having to share a small bed with Rodney while offworld was definitely the most dangerous.

Get You Back by lamardeuse | 1k, t

John nearly loses everything.

Lessons in Waking Up by Siria & dogeared | 1k, e

Keller crashes first, hiding a yawn behind one hand while she makes her excuses about early morning clinics and paperwork and half-jokes about not even being able to read her own handwriting. Sam's not far behind her; then Teyla, trailing Ronon in her wake, looking for peace through meditation, though John knows the only thing she's likely to find is irritation with Ronon's snoring.

Touch by astolat | 1k, e

Rodney McKay was a cuddler. Which was more than John had wanted to know.

The Whole Story by unadrift | 2k, t

John shows up at his door that night, carrying a sixpack of beer. Rodney follows him into the transporter and out to the pier. They settle down, feet dangling over the edge, and John hands him a can.

"So," Rodney says, after they each have finished off a beer. "I figure this is your subtle way of telling me that you want to talk?"

Talking Dirty by Toft | 2k, e

“It’s a major obstacle to successful porn dialogue that there are so few attractive words to describe anything to do with sex.”

Better Than Ice Cream by DesireeArmfeldt | 2k, t

Episode tag to Remnants: McKay wants to know what Sheppard saw in his hallucination. (Gen/friendship or pre-slash, depending on the color of your goggles.)

Just Hold Me, Please by christinchen | 2k, t

It just so happens that John desperately needs some human contact and Rodney's back is kinda sore. It's just a simple massage between two friends. No, really!

It Doesn’t Change a Thing by luredin | 2k, e

If Rodney had expectations about what life on Atlantis was going to be like before he got here, Major John Sheppard giving him head on the down low would not have been one of them. Nothing makes sense anymore, and if this is going to be a regular occurrence, Rodney thinks he should probably start returning the favor.

Or, five times John gets Rodney’s cock in his mouth, and one time Rodney has the pleasure.

That's MY cold by Saxifactumterritum | 3k, g

I wrote a fic. Mcshep, post The Eye/The Storm (Stargate Atlantis series one. John's got a cold, Rodney's annoyed, then there's snuggling

Hand Wash Only by LogicGunn | 3k, m

See the full post

288 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[gottagobackintime]

So season 2 of Young Royals...

As usual, these are my random thoughts and opinions.

It wasn’t as good as the first one. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t the best TV I’ve seen you know.

I wasn’t as interested in Wilhelm and Simon’s story this time and a lot of it had to do with Omar’s acting I’m afraid. I didn’t notice it that much last season but I feel like he couldn’t quite reach the level of acting that was needed of him this season where the emotions ran higher. Edvin was much better but the level of Omar’s acting affected their scenes too much and made it feel “uneven”. Like they weren’t matching in energy. Their kissing scenes and the scene where they sleep together were fine. The emotionally scenes where they tried to talk about what was happening were not. 

Felice was underused this season. Last season they built up her storyline about trying to break free from her mum’s expectations and their relationship. And the only thing we got this season about that was basically their short conversation over the phone about her wanting to stop riding. And the result being that her horse was sold. They could have done so much more than that. But they reduced her to a character the other characters stories bounced against. Sara’s storyline was the most affected, her being sad she’d lose the horse she loves, her getting together with August and betraying Felice’s trust but the focus wasn’t on Felice’s valid feelings, the focus was on Sara. She was used a some kind of weird rebound-ish thing for Wilhelm. And while she got to say that it wasn’t nice of him to do that it still felt like they let that go too quickly. They spread rumours about her, implying that she would do anything to be a member of the royal family. And it just didn’t matter. Wilhelm said he was sorry and that was that.  

They hinted at a romance between two girls but it felt thrown in to keep us queer women quiet. It would have been far more interesting to see Felice and or Sara be queer instead of those two girls who I can’t even remember what they’re called. If we get a third season I really hope they develop that and does it justice. And I really do hope that they just get to be happy. We don’t need another sad queer storyline in this show. We have like five queer characters and none of them are really happy or able to be open with who they are. Wilhelm is pressured into breaking things off with Simon, Simon is seen having sex in a video seen by a large part of the Swedish population and can’t openly be with Wilhelm. Marcus was used as a rebound. Then there’s the guy who didn’t want to be out because he didn’t want it to affect his future career. And ofc the girl who is in love with her best friend but doesn’t want to tell her in case it doesn’t work out (I’m not even sure she’s told anyone she’s queer). So yeah. I’d love to see a happy relationship that doesn’t have a moountain of problems they need to face.   

August is my favourite character, not because I think he’s innocent or should not be punished for what he did. But because he’s the most interesting character. And he’s the best actor on the show in my opinion. (And I say this as someone who started watching the show because I liked Edvin’s work in another show). Being desperate to make something of himself, willing to hurt people so that he doesn’t end up like his dad. The whole thing with him trying to be loved and show love, not knowing how. Like him buying Sara the horse she loves because gifts=love in his world is something I enjoy watching. He’s messed up and he’s terrible but it’s entertaining. I also loved seeing his relationship with Sara, because people are not black and white, people are complicated. 

I’m so tired of love triangles. Don’t really have anything more to say about that. I’m tired of it.

Wilhelm having his shoes on in bed?! What kind of Swede are you?! 

Wilhelm pointing a fucking rifle at August was WAY to over the top and I hated it.  

I don’t know. This season just felt a bit dull and I feel like they spent time on things they shouldn’t have. The Queen told Wilhelm what to do he said no, she tried to force him, he argued, they made a deal. And this was basically all that happened in every episode, to the point where it became boring. The love triangle between Wilhelm, Simon and Marcus was predictable and unnecessary. They put WAY too much of Simon singing in this season. Felice was pushed to the side instead of deepening her character. So yeah, I think the first season is better. But I do look forward to another season. I want them to finish what they started. Especially with the ending of this season.

[isca-tide]

5x13

Yes, Daddy Cop is catchy. I mean it should've been Zaddy Cop and about Tim but whatever. I know it's not for him and he's better out in the action, but I have to admit seeing Tim doing desk work is kinda hot. I don't know why. It just is. Maybe it's just because he's lounging around in his chair and sneaking glances at his girl. I mean he's also sneaking glances because he wants to be in the briefing room and doing things, but it's still fucking adorable watching him and Lucy constantly watching each other. She's feeling guilty and he's feeling left out, but they're also just so infatuated and it's adorable.

Oh my god the smile that boy has for Lucy. Even if he's trying to show her that he's fine and enjoying being behind a desk, he is still radiating love.

Lucy's little tantrum-esque stomp is fucking adorable stop.

He may be bored out of his mind but that 'see you at the end of shift' is what makes it completely worthwhile for him. No jokes, no faux sincerity. He's doing this so they can see each other as much as possible.

Grey is such a good teacher. Celina is such a sweetheart. I know he's Watch Commander so he doesn't go on patrol much, but I do love seeing Grey teaching and interacting with the others outside of briefings. Well, see, I learned something today. LAPD doesn't have precincts. I think I just use that word interchangebly with station, I forget it's not actually the name of the building. Nolan do not take credit for Celina. Don't even try. Oh, the five player trade. Lucy just jumping on it immediately. Anything to save Tim from himself. I know people warned her but everyone else was just as in on this as she was, so why the lack of sympathy in S6 when she scores low on the exam? I'll get to that when I get to the episode, but the writers really just dropped the ball hard on so many character interactions in S6. I know there was the strike and it was a reduced season, but c'mon. You've been building these character relationships for years now and you fumble them over the most basic things? Nyla and Angela are big fans of tough love, but they wouldn't do Lucy like they did. The fact that Lucy knows Tim would love metro, even though it means they'd probably see each other less because of the hours. She knows the risks this could have for her career and she's still willing. Because she just wants him happy. Uuuuugh these two pleaaaase talk. And then make out and get married. But also talk. God I would be dead a million times over if I had to wear all that in that heat. I can barely cope wearing normal clothes in another over 18 celcius.

Nolan in metro? Oh come on now, Pine.

Tim. Oh Tim. How much he's changed since S1 that he notices Celina is distressed and distracted and he doesn't bark at her or dress her down. He knows it has to be important so he approaches it firmly but gently. As soon as he hears its about her mum, he's all in. S1 Tim cared, but he might've been to stuck in his own head and the rules to find out enough to help. Hah, that no. Oh Tim. But then he folds right away like the sweet little angel he is.

HAH. Mrs Juarez. I do not blame you whatsoever but he is very not single.

I love that they all text him and just didn't wait for a response. Mind you I wouldn't have even text. If I had no power in a heatwave and someone I knew had AC, I would be over there in a heartbeat. Even without a baby as an excuse.

Lucy not even knocking the door. That's my girl. She's hot and on a mission. Yes, in all the ways.

I do love when they get everyone together. We need more of this. Please. Just them all being friends. PLEASE. I can only beg so much to let us see their friendships. Also fuck you Primm. No-one made you move. Lucy opened up the position that you wanted and you took it. You're just pissed that a P2 (a younger woman, no less) figured out a way for you to get the job you wanted when you couldn't. She didn't force anything beyond asking Smitty to encourage Fuji. Bless James for helping. I can't picture Wesley missing out on a good murder boarding session, so they (Bailey, James, and Wes, that is) must've all drawn straws as to who had to put the kids to sleep.

So Tim isn't on the group text? Or there's multiple. Or he just didn't read it. He knew Nolan had power but he was surprised to see Lucy's car there. Maybe he'd text her while she was busy murder boarding and since she wasn't replying and wasn't up for doing 'nothing', he figured he'd have to settle for the game instead.

Lucy stop being adorable. Her expressions. Angela's face! Oh my god please let us just have more of them all being adorable and hanging out together.

Lucy doing whatever she can to save her man. Including making a deal with Smitty. The things you do for love. Also fuck you Smitty I'm still mad about the pool in S6. It hasn't happened yet but you have the capability for it now so fuck you. How could you hurt our sunshine human being like that? Lucy's expression and voice when she says 'weird'. She loves Tim, she'd do anything for him, but a girl has to draw the line somewhere. Her excited little hand grasp when she leaves the room. Ugh, how does she exist? Grey and Celina, I need more of this thank you. If she's not breathing then surely you start CPR, right? Idk, maybe it works differently for ODs and narcan.

Oh my god this man is so excited and he can't wait to share it with Lucy. He's just vibrating excitement like a puppy. Standing so fucking close to each other, HOLDING HANDS JUST OUT OF SHOT. Breaking apart because they remember where they are but guys, please, a little PDA won't hurt. There's probably Chenford shippers sat in that office dying to see you two smooch a little. Give the people what they want! Lucy is hazmatting up, to clean this crime scene of an RV, in this heat, all for Tim. LOVE. That is love. First time I saw this I was sure Tim would show up to help. That he found out about what she did and he was annoyed she didn't tell him and worried it could affect her career and they would talk about this later, but he knew why she did it and he loved her and he was here to help. But instead we get a nearly ruined Valentine's Day. Sigh.

[livsmithviscom]

Early Planning

Name Ideas: - Girls’ Girls: The idea of women supporting other women, being a ‘girls girl’. - Girls Girls Girls: Well known and much used phrase, used in song titles and in classic neon signs for strip shows/sex work. Reclaim of power over the phrase. - Girl Code: The idea of a ‘girl code’ suggests interactions between women.

- Mums My mums kiss on my lips and then forehead whenever I leave the house

According to study (https://www.kidspot.com.au/parenting/study-finds-motherdaughter-bond-is-stronger-than-any-other/news-story/e645a8460f6e0f741af56c2fa4e11df0) mother-daughter relationships are the strongest relationships of them all.

The study found that mothers and daughters have very similar anatomy when it comes to the part of the brain that regulates emotions. Which is why we clash with our mothers, but also why they are our greatest comforts well into adulthood.

Illustrations:

- Grandmother - Mother - Me  - Girls laying together - Girl Pictures: Justine Kurland

2. 7 Female Archetypes

Introduces illustrated ‘characters’ and also encourages individuality and the diversity of female relationships. The reader will most probably be able to recognise each of these archetypes and apply them to a friend or someone they know, making it more personal in their head. By using ‘characters’ in the book I will be able to illustrate more realistic scenarios and more intimate interactions, and also connects the reader with the girls in the book.

3. Explaining the Feminine Interactions

- The Meadow Theory:

Our female ancestors were sent out to forage berries and look for food. They would remember where the food was, where the animals were, and any other information that was relevant to their safety and survival. This can be seen today when women take note of events that have happened around them so that they can later share this information with their friends.

Example: Morning debriefs after a night out in bed and ‘gossip’.

- Going to the bathroom together

Women are innately conditioned to seek others as a form of protection, and even today we are subconsciously very aware of our vulnerability. So this is less of a social interaction, and more of a supportive one. However it’s super fun to 

- squeeze into cubicles together - hold the door with the broken lock - just have a break from the noise

- Can You Check Me?

A term that will be familiar to all people who have periods, but asking each other to check your trousers to make sure you have not bled through them.

- Illustration of two girls constantly checking in funny positions. Double Page.

- Asking Strangers for Sanitary Products

ActionAid poll results showed 100% of women would help another in a period emergency (195 respondents). Respondents said:

‘It is important we support each other in this way’ ‘If I had the means to save someone else from that kind of stress, I see no reason why I wouldn't do so’ ‘I would absolutely give a tampon/pad to anyone who needed one. I am sure all my friends would too.’ ‘Solidarity with no strings attached’

In a UCLA study (conducted by Laura Klein and Shelley Taylor) showed that women are more likely to help others in a time of stress, whereas men are more likely to respond with a fight or flight response. This is because of the oxytocin levels in men and women, as they are heightened by oestrogen and reduced by testosterone.

[911firefox]

They literally reduced Eddie to “that angry guy” in Buck’s dream, what are you talking about? Now canonically deep down in Buck’s subconscious Eddie is just an angry guy. A failed parent. Not his best friend. Not something more which some delusional people try to use as a reason for Eddie not being there. The only reason Eddie wasn’t there is that the showrunner hates Eddie and Buck’s relationship wether it be friendship or romance and you choose to not see that, too afraid to criticise the show instead of standing up for your presumably favourite character. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions from that.

Hello again angry anon. I just had a really great nap so decided to humour you once more.

Firstly 'A failed parent' good parents lose custody all the time. Good parents in bad situations. Losing custody is not proof of being a failed parent. There's already an example in the show of Nia, her mum hit a bad situation and a bad time with the pandemic etc. Bad shit happens to good people. And that's true to real life, it's pretty scummy to assume keeping/getting custody = good person.

Eddie isn't in the dream world 118 because he didn't have the support system that enabled him in the 'real world'

The dream was the worst case scenario. Bobby wouldn't for sure have died without Buck, Eddie didn't need solely Buck for things to go his way but as the most important people in Buck's life it makes sense that his anxiety over them and the worse case scenario being worse. But if Eddie had been in the dream, I suspect you would have complained then too so 🤷

The angry descriptor is not something I liked either actually. But I'm guessing it was a clumsy way to allude to the episode rage and the street fighting. Either way there could have been much better ways to show he was overwhelmed that's true. They could have done better with this, yea.

I'm guessing they were talking about how when Eddie did have anger issues in the episode rage etc relating to his grief re Shannon, it was Bobby that stepped in and talked to him man to man. Considering Eddie kicked a guy's nose into his brain, that is pretty angry so maybe that's what Hen is talking about. That's admittedly a pure guess but you can't say that Eddie didn't need the 118 as a family to help him through his grief and rage-

Ahhh, the showrunner- every passive aggressive anon I've seen a friend get today is obsessed about the showrunner. I don't read her interviews since the first one she did that upset everyone. And before that I didn't really read any interviews with showrunners aside from tidbits that came across my dash so you do you but I'm not gonna stress about that. It's outta my power who the showrunner is, shows I've loved and characters I've loved have been done dirty before too. I can just hope not this time. Yelling on tumblr about it won't change her day so, for the most part I do my best to pay her no mind either.

Oh, Ryan Guzman has stipulation in his contract to work reduced hours on I believe two episodes a season and by the amount he was in I'd guess this was one. Perhaps that means next week in an episode dealing with PTS like he has too, he'll be way more prevalent. I really hope so but I'm also prepared to be disappointed. Is it ideal that this episode may have been the reduced episode? Depends on who you ask I guess. I can predict your answer.

I do actually criticize the show a lot when I think it's warranted, which tells me again you have no clue who I am and just want to yell on anon at people.

And you know what I do when I'm disappointed with a show? Well, I sure as shit don't go yelling at people on anon that's for sure.

One piece of advice for you: when a TV show stops being a source of joy or even mild entertainment for you, maybe stop watching.

Go play with a kitten, I am right now. It's super fun.

[whackmewithwhump]

Because I’m a sucker for the bad boy/class clown/troublemaker character utterly suffering, I am once again thinking about Sirius Black and his infinite whump potential. Everyone loves to make Remus suffer, myself included ofc, I’m not one to pass up a werewolf opportunity but something about Sirius is just *chef’s kiss*.

(tw: mention of familial abuse, physical and emotional, as well as alcohol)

I think it’s the fact that the canon information we have about him leaves so much room for the mind to wander. I imagine him at Grimmauld Place in the summer, either getting injured in altercations at home, likely with his mother, and taking the floo as an escape to James’ or Remus’. Especially if he goes to Moony, chances are he’d be embarrassed and ashamed to be in such a vulnerable state, and Remus would reassure him that after all the full moons he helped him get through he was happy to return the favour.

I imagine him showing up absolutely pissed, unsure of how to cope with his situation in a more productive way than drinking. I think about him falling ill at home, but he’s not fucking going to his mum about it, and Kreacher isn’t the most helpful, so he has to sheepishly enlist a friend to help him. Maybe he brushes it off to the point that they’ve got to make a stop at St. Mungo’s.

I imagine the time where James has finally had enough and wants him to move in, but they need to get some of his belongings from Grimmauld Place before the move, and they go on a stealth mission to sneak in and out of the house undetected. I want Remus to join them and fall even more in love with Sirius when he sees his bedroom, with hot muggle girls plastered to the wall, gryffindor garb strewn proudly about the place both to stick it to his family but also to try to feel at home in that place.

I want to see Sirius both craving intimacy and closeness but being guarded and unable to relax at first. Being touch starved for his childhood makes it difficult but there is still a deep longing to have comfort of being near someone. Perhaps spending time as Padfoot helps with him overcoming this.

All of these issues would be so compounded post Azkaban, and new ones would surely arise. I want a more in depth perspective of trying to navigate his emotions after being stuck in that place. I want to see how he manages on the run and in hiding after his body was ravaged in prison. I want Remus’ heart to break when he sees what his friend has been reduced to, and for Sirius to be crushed with guilt and responsibility that Remus had to go through all those moons completely and utterly alone, believing to have been betrayed by his closest friend which resulted in the seeming demise of his other two.

I want him to feel lost in the world, lacking an identity, being snatched away at such a young age, and being both emotionally stunted and feeling exceedingly old and weathered at the same time. I want him to be fragile, physically and mentally, susceptible to injury and illness, especially sleeping in caves and eating rats. I want all of the angst and the pain and the comfort and the wholesomeness that could come with properly exploring his character’s story.

If Harry Potter squicks you out now (valid, fuck Joanne) replace these characters with your favs, anywho, damn I do love taking the hollow bones the canon gives us and filling it out with my own thoughts

[life-rewritten]

Sana vs Yasmina; The Theme of Pride and Prejudice.

Don't wanna make this a long essay (sigh). However, it could be because this episode has a lot to unpack. Between comparing it to the OG Sana episode, which also had the same themes and ideas portrayed differently here.  Or trying to use the information already given to us by other characters. And also, remembering (which many people tend to forget), that this is all in the main character's perspective; 

Of how she sees the world,

How she views and interprets people's ideas and actions towards her Based on her preconceived notions about society

And based on her insecurities and worries about her identity.

 Because skam is always being shown through the POV of the main character, the audience is also always being misled. That, or given the same hints, clues and ideas about how the main character thinks and not really the other people's perspective until someone tells them they're wrong. People keep forgetting that Skam, that this show is based  means Shame. It's about flawed characters with shame. And what is that shame?  Basically, insecurities that are exaggerated during their storyline that pulls out themes that are very sensitive and relatable and bring up discussion and debates. People get so triggered and blame the show constantly on what it's trying to say, when really it's the main character's consistent perspective on a situation that makes certain characters be portrayed at first generically. Or stereotypical or offensive because that's what the character's mindset thinks about those characters. In Yasmina's season, her skam is her insecurities with dissociation between two worlds/lifestyles; this is the same for Sana, with religion, tradition, and beliefs, vs her relationships, her idea of fun, and the society around her and their own ways. 

Sana and Yasmina have the same perspectives (but act differently on how they deal with it), struggle with knowing who they are, what they want, and where they belong as a girl who wants the best of both worlds these two different lifestyles. And it makes her struggle. For Sana, because she was bullied severely, she had preconceived notions about everybody's actions towards her and became very defensive in her demeanour, including towards her friends and relationships. Her shame was that she couldn't be vulnerable and let herself really be free because of how she perceived; based on her experience and stereotypes, both her religion and the non-religious aspects of society. Sana had to grow open-minded and realise it's not all black and white. Yasmina is the same; she's not as defensive as Sana, who had a big flaw with this, but she's also a bit close-minded at times, only basing things/and actions on also stereotypes and insecurities about how society acts and views her. 

So it's not just her probably judging Aicha for wanting to be a little bit different with how she handles the religious aspect of her life, or her deciding about Younes's choices to not be Muslim, etc. It's also her judging her mum for her own perceived homophobic actions or her religion's perceived strict rules and laws that governs her life. Just because she sees it as this does not mean that's what's actually true. And that's what this episode is trying to bring out. 

In Sana's episode, when Yousef kisses Noora, many things escalate with the same themes; Yasmina confronts this episode with her own prejudice and pride. For example, Sana deals with ideas about Islam being connected to homophobia by society trying to judge her brother for getting into a fight with Isak. The blood on her hands from both symbolised her struggle of who she wanted to believe. In the end, she also started to listen to people and think her brother started the fight because he was homophobic when it was actually a misunderstanding. Two, she also overhears about her friendship group plans, excluding her on purpose because people have it out for her because they're Islamaphobic and dislike her defensive manner towards things, and her bossy nature. They planned to kick her out and say awful things about her, her brother and her lifestyle that already proved/triggered her own prejudiced notions about how society views her.  And lastly, she also has the guy she loves, who she has been avoiding because of her own prejudices, and struggle with tradition, kiss the one girl she has insecurities about when it comes to ideas about relationships. For Sana, Nora in Skam was seen as the ideal popular, beautiful girl. She was non-religious and so less conservative than Sana, and two because she was seen as the beauty standard (even Vilde struggles to deal with this in the past seasons) for all girls. Sana had insecurities about not being attractive or wanted for who she was by people.

So we have all of these themes to do with Sana's ideas and beliefs about how certain parts of both worlds she's torn between do things, and it all adds up to an explosion in that episode. For Yasmina, it's the opposite. In every scene of this episode, they also dealt with these themes. But instead of a big explosion, it all happened below the surface.  Rather than exploding at the same time/event all at once. We see her in this episode, in three plotlines; 

One is her fight with her self wanting to be with Younes and wanting to stay with her religious traditions. 

 Two is dealing with being excluded by her friendship group because of how people perceive her lifestyle and wanting to fight for it, vs wanting to just let it go. 

And three is confronting her mum and her issue with her friends, and certain aspects of their lifestyles as showcased by Robbe and Sander's important cameo (there's a reason why it had to be them, yes it was about homophobia but a prejudiced view on homophobia, it's a misunderstanding and they're allowed to want to tackle this topic about this prejudice) 

I'm going to try and break it down even further and connect it back to why this is just a better adaptation of skam; Sana's season. What changes have truly improved these themes and conversations but also why it's connected to Yasmina's skam/flaw in her season and how she confronts her issues with pride and prejudice, just like with her shadow character in the book the season uses, Elisabeth Bennet. 

Preconceived Notions about Family and Tradition

One, it's important to note one of the most serious changes this show has brought is deciding to reduce the importance of Robbe in Yasmina's season. Especially since Sana's relationship with Isak is what catalyses even more actions and growth to do with her skam and her season's conclusion. But it's important to note when they decide to include Robbe in Yasmina's perspective and narrative of her story. And that is this shopping scene which was done intentionally. They did invite Robbe and Sander to pick at and poke at Yasmina's insecurity about her own ideas, her own beliefs (also due to her conversations with Younes towards this too), and her own frustrations with her opinion on the rules and traditions her religion has.

 For some reason, because Yasmina is torn between two worlds, both worlds end up being seen very stereotypically. Also, both hurt her and make her feel excluded like she's not meant to be part of it. One because she has certain features of both worlds that make her identity and her beliefs, and the other because the other side of them makes her feel ashamed and insecure about her lack of connection towards them. One example of doing with this that has always been a fear of Sana's and growth for her is how she perceives Islam and Homophobia,  a big stereotypical issue that most religious teens have to deal with and question. It's all based on old traditional beliefs, ideas and more, and this causes a stigma and stereotype that all Muslims have an issue with this topic. 

Yasmina, like Sana, has to learn in Robbe/Isak season how sometimes it can make the community feel hurt and alienated, and she has to apologise when she realises what her actions have done. In her season, this still stays with them in their head, including the fact that their love life is also connected to this topic again. So Yasmina has, unfortunately (and she's allowed to be flawed in her thinking since she's growing and young and learning), also taken in some of these ideas, like Sana does when she thinks Elias could be homophobic in her season. She completely refuses to communicate and trust his point of view initially, and she has to apologise for it later. This is the same with Yasmina. Because it's in her point of view, specific actions of others are exaggerated or focused on more than they should; they are misinterpreted; this is not the show doing another stereotypical portrayal of Homophobic Muslims. No, it's showing what Yasmina's flawed mindset and insecurity is about this topic, she instantly thinks her mum is acting that way. And she misinterprets her mum's actions, bear in mind she's not the only one, just like Isak also caused an issue in Sana's season that caused the fight, Robbe misunderstands her mum too. 

Her mum is not having a problem with their relationship; she's having an issue with them because it's already been stated that Yasmina feels pressure about her mum's dislike of her friend's because she's worried they'll pull her away from her identity. The thing is, her mum has always said this, she later repeats it after this scene to Yasmina, but of course, everyone, including Yasmina, failed to trust her on that because we're in Yasmina's perspective, the doubts have sown into our minds, and her actions scream just that. But to see people heavily misunderstand this scene again and not see that they're trying to exaggerate and focus. Yasmina's own prejudice on her mum's opinions is sad because it's precisely that. Her mum is wrong for alienating her friends but the reason why she does has been skewed and wrongly viewed like Elias in Sana's season with a stereotypical, Islamaphobic lens.

 This is how Yasmina's prejudice can sometimes make her see things and feel like she doesn't belong there. There's so much more to say about this whole issue, but this was the first similar issue/theme shown in Sana's episode that also was brought up in this episode, something Yasmina after hell week, would find out she's wrong about, her family loves her, they might be traditional, but she's allowed to have own identity and be loved for who she is and how she acts. This is also why there's more tension showcasing her disconnection from her family's actions towards her. And her own values and fears about the strictness of her religion.  Even though it doesn't have to be that way, it does for now in her head.

Exclusion and Alienation with Friendship

This is another one that has been stretched out differently to Sana's season, but it's the same theme and struggle. Except, Yasmina has already actually had a reason to feel all her insecurities and opinions on society views. As it's being proven by just listening to these girls in the bathroom. For her, it's frustrating because even when she tries to stand up to them, she can't. They act dumb, naive and afraid of her, making it look like she's the one that's aggressive/crazy. It's so frustrating; what this does is that it pokes at her insecurities about her other lifestyle. It disconnects her from the feeling of confidence for the friends she makes or allows. Maybe her mum is right. She's too different; the worlds are too diverse. Thus, this is poking at her;  the reason she's being excluded is her strong convictions with her religion. Like with Sana (though Sana was more aggressive and defensive about it), everyone makes assumptions that she can't go, that she's not free to be with her friends, that her religion holds her back. They have so many stereotypical Islamaphobic ideas towards her (reasons for why Sana was bullied when she was young.) 

Yasmina is slowly dealing with this because once anxiety and negative thoughts trickle in, there's no point in stopping. Even though Luca is by her side and is protective of her, Yasmina's insecurities and pride are starting to combat what she believes on the surface vs what society makes her think she should feel. This is where the struggle with pride comes in with Sana and her, except Yasmina does it by holding it in and not discussing properly with Luca why she's not going, what she heard, what they did. It's again because Sana's friends did not have this information. They also kept on being part of the exclusion and alienation of her from the event, and that's precisely what's going to happen, probably with Yasmina.

 Sana had so many years of defending herself and protecting herself when it came to issues like this, and so every chance she got, she was judgy and refused to trust the actions of people who only meant right by her at times. However, Yasmina is only starting to deal with that anger and frustration; we know she, like Sana, also tends to snap and react defensively when she feels she's being attacked. Now with all of the things that have built up this episode, any actions of Luca, Kato or even Amber will seem prejudiced or will seem like they're making fun of her too, she'll be defensive, she'll hurt them with words without meaning to, and she'll explode. And this is what happens when you use pride and ego to try and avoid the circumstance of feeling like you don't have anything to offer to people to make them stay. And this is literally what Yasmina's head is starting to say to her. She doesn't belong in both worlds; she has parts of her identity in. She has betrayed her own self because it doesn't have its own place of belonging in society. What should she do? And we know how Sana reacts to this; the question is, how will Yasmina deal with her skam and insecurities. Her feelings of loneliness and depression. 

The Ill Fated Struggles of Romance 

Yousef; our soulmate for Sana, the one guy who for some reason makes her feel like her insecurities are lies. He accepts her for who she is, and he's constantly showing her that. Younes is the same; he's been a protector, someone to talk to and discuss her issues with, someone who makes her feel safe and ticks all her boxes even though he's not ticking them. Yasmina, like Sana, makes a decision after constantly being in her head to show him she's serious; she chooses to finally go to him. This is actually more than what Sana does in her season. Yasmina was going to let everything go and run to her safe place, which has become him in a way. He reminds her that she's okay being herself and that she has someone who sees her and gets her. However, it's ironic; this is one of the best changes, in my opinion, a Sana season has ever done. Because it really starts to flesh out this skam of Yasmina, which she confronts with pride and prejudice. Making another Muslim girl the Noora of the season makes that conversation about religion, identity, and insecurity even more prominent. 

Aicha is the symbolism of someone who also has both worlds that Yasmina feels disconnected from; however, in Yasmina's perspective, Aicha is the one who's meant to take her place because she's connected to religion similar to the way Younes is.She's strongly not following the traditions and ideas bestowed on her, but also, she's the only connection of a Muslim friend/lifestyle that Yasmina has as well. It's heartbreaking because Aicha makes Yasmina question things, whether she is also prejudiced towards people who do things differently for their own idea of identity and freedom.  Whether she's meant to also switch her identity and give up on her own beliefs and convictions. Since that's what society wants that in her head. To get the best of both worlds. Or whether she's not meant to believe (like Sana also feared) that someone would want her for her true self. 

Again Yousef/Younes is so vital to this skam/dilemma of these two because they are the most significant symbolism of the disconnect between the two worlds. When it comes to relationships, the show shows what is seen as a classic stereotypical version of what love is meant to be for Yasmina (with her mum discussing her cooking habits, her ideas on romance/marriage and who would want her). Still, yet the show also shows the struggle with attraction and lust that comes with love. That always feels like an illogical/incorrect path (because Yasmina/Sana fears that they'll be shamed for it by the religion or forced to do things that aren't for them because society thrives on the sexuality of relationships in media/life as a norm). Again they're teenagers; this is precisely what we come to learn about relationships and love as we grow; we question so many parts of ourselves; love brings out insecurities, it also makes you free. 

Love is a perfect way to showcase this dilemma and theme in Sana/Yasmina's season. This is why Yousef/Younes are always non-religious because they represent all of the insecurities and fears of both worlds the girls are part of. And that's why Sana's season always gets me even when the issues aren't solved later on correctly; the risk to bring this conversation to girls like Yasmina and Sana who go through the same worries, ideas of self, and struggles it's really relatable, and Sana was the first person I felt so incredibly represented by as a POC religious girl. 

With Sana, she had to watch Yousef kiss Noora (which was her biggest fear/biggest insecurity and shame that she had about herself because she didn't look like her. Sana hated feeling this because she wanted to always have pride and be all about defence and protection, but it was her most significant vulnerability that she struggled with. It made her truly believe in all of the truths about stereotypical ideas about teenage/young love and society's beauty standards and norms; this now isn't always true. Still, in Sana's, this was how she viewed society at times.) Meanwhile, Yasmina sees Aicha, someone she's already judgy of, worried about, and insecure about;  be close to Younes, be chosen by Younes after she got denied by him and show intimacy in a way that she and him could never do. Mostly because she wouldn't let herself do that (which is fine if that's how she is, but it makes her insecure, filled with worries that she pushes people away for being herself/anti societal norms). 

Aicha brings up all of those insecurities that she's been trying to push down with this matter, and it hurts to see her finally break down and be tired of it all. The best thing about this; is that this is a misunderstanding, and needs like in Pride and Prejudice, communication and openmindedness. Younes doesn't know what Yasmina has seen, and we know if he did, he would prevent it, but also, this will make Yasmina go in defence mode. Of course, he wasn't true. Of course, he didn't actually like her. Of course, he wasn't meant for her. These insecurities and doubts spiral and make her grow a wall due to pride and ego defence mechanisms like Sana. All she has to do is speak to them, but her stereotypical ideas in her head, her fears and her prejudices towards them will prevent her from communicating correctly, will probably cause her to lash out. (She may even like Sana make Aicha's actions exposed to her parents, which would be awful to do, but that's Aicha's secret that has been shown again. Remember Skam has flawed characters, teenagers that make mistakes and learn from them. Wtfock tends to exaggerate skams (flawed actions)  a lot)  but also, her pride will prevent her from wanting to show she's vulnerable to him and make him see she's hurt. But again, we all know this is a misunderstanding; this is based already on ideas in Yasmina's head, just like with her mum, just like with her friends and just like with Younes. It's all to do with what she's been going through the whole season. Her biggest fear, her biggest worry, not being enough, just being herself, not belonging anywhere and not getting a happy life because of her abnormal identity. She sees herself as strange; she's not, same as Sana did. And that is her Skam, which is the theme of Sana's seasons constantly. 

Again I ask the audience to calm down every time something happens in Skam. People will make mistakes; it doesn't promote any ideas until the show is over. You have to wait to see why they've put something there. There was a reason why Robbe had to think he was facing homophobia again in a season to do with that narrative. There's a reason why Aicha, despite Yasmina telling her she likes Younes is touchy with him (he may be a sibling to her etc. she's just flirty and loud with her personality. It's not wrong or right if she and Younes have an idea about what they are to each other). There's a reason why both Younes and Aicha showcase different parts of how people act with religion, it's relatable for some people, but also it makes Yasmina face her own stereotypical prejudices towards her own ideas about religion. The show isn't trying to be stereotypical with what they show; it's being or showing stereotypical actions because the main character has that issue; she has problems with judgement and misinterpretation because she's young and needs to learn just like we also were in this age. 

The journey to finding your identity, your beliefs, your self and trust where you belong is a long one in high school, so many people feel abnormal because of societal norms, so many people feel like they don't belong, this is not saying that Religion is wrong or right, it's just saying Yasmina in her world, in her perspective has been brought up with certain ideas, opinions, and as she grows she learns which is suitable to her, and which is wrong, she learns to stand up for her self, and realise she's okay being who she is, she'll be loved by the people around her, and just like everybody else around her, she can find love, she can be fun, she can still love God and religion, she can be herself and have her own version of happiness, and that's what life is. 

That's what Skam tries to show every teen and person who feels ashamed for what they are, or what they believe, it's important, this whole idea of immediately judging a scene without waiting to understand why that scene is essential (which can only be done after the show has ended) is very frustrating, especially when the show can be lifechanging for so many people who relate to it and find strength and belonging to it. All I'm saying is chill, wait, stop overreacting and let the show tell its story first. Because for so far, wtfock is making a fantastic Sana adaptation that has been given effort, energy and thought. Please, let's calm down and see it unfold, okay?

[barbenheimer-core]

AUDERE EST FACERE !

하나. chanel : part four — 3k words

Wangja crossed the street with a bag of two steaming bowls of ramyeon and red ginseng, speeding up his pace to prevent the noodles from getting too soggy while he walked the path over to his shop where he had left Ahyeong at, sighing as he thought about the new addition to the cast.

When he had walked into his store last night, he was not expecting a stage to commence immediately upon entering the lounge.

Thank the writer (this was the first and last time he was going to say that) that their conversation and actions had already been written out, or else the shop owner would've been gawking at the new girl for the entirety of the stage.

He had been immensely startled back then; it was unusual for him to not know the timing and plot of every stage because he always made sure to check the comic that permanently resided in a small, hidden corner of his shop every single day.

But when he had browsed the comic as soon as Ahyeong had left, he had been bewildered at the sudden shift in the book's contents.

The cast page had been altered to feature four main characters instead of the original trio, and as he had turned the pages, he had noticed the new stages being inked with interactions that had never been present as of before.

To think that an already complicated web of troubling relationships had not been enough for the writer, they had proceeded to add a love square to the mix.

Wangja grimaced at his creator's choices in life. They had definitely been influenced by someone to do so if it had been so last minute.

But one thing was for sure; out of all the stories that the writer had put him in, this was by far the most interesting.

"Ahyeong-ah! I'm back!" he yelled into the air as he stepped in, his voice echoing in the shop.

The silence was his only response.

Confused, he stepped through the streamers that decorated the lounge's archway, eyes searching for the girl while he set the food down on the coffee table next to the abandoned copy of Shiver.

"Ahyeong, are you here-"

He stopped abruptly, gaze finding the peach cover of True Beauty toppled upside down on the floor in front of a shelf he swore no one would notice.

With dread in his mind, he picked it up, turning it around, only to be faced by the drawn version of the person he was looking for.

Oh no. She'd seen it.

If Gilyeong had to describe his sister at that moment, he would've said she looked like she'd risen from a grave in a zombie apocalypse movie.

She looked dead. Alive, yes, but dead.

Like someone had told her whole life was a lie.

When Ahyeong had arrived back home from wherever she had dashed off to during the morning, she had looked like she'd gone through the five stages of grief, questioned the meaning of life, and ran a marathon through the streets of Seoul by how hard she was breathing.

He had almost asked her if she was okay, but that would've come off as him being "concerned for his dear sister," as Eunjung had so uselessly put it, and he hated proving people right. And besides, Ahyeong was clearly not okay.

"Oye, grinch," he called out across the table after seeing her actions.

She looked as if she hadn't even heard him. No annoyed flinch, no irritated twitching of her eyebrow; no reaction at all. Just her mindlessly trying to eat soup with chopsticks.

Eunjung looked at her with an extreme amount of concern.

Gilyeong almost puked at the feeling of worry in his gut.

Ahyeong was functioning on auto-pilot, her consciousness having taken a backseat as the only thing that moved her was sheer muscle memory.

She couldn't even remember how she had come back to her house, however, the stinging in her legs informed her of how she had deserted the shop and ran all the way back home, much to Driver Kwon's horror.

Her head felt empty.

Being in a comic? As a bully? That had to be the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard, or read, about herself.

It did not make sense. She was quite literally a model student, with a record as clean as glass. Being reduced to the likes of a bully? Impossible.

And then the derealisation came in.

This probably wasn't real after all. Maybe it was just one big practical joke blown out of proportion.

Yeah, that was it, she concluded as she finally became aware of her surroundings, dropping the chopsticks in her hands with a confused look and picking up a spoon to continue eating her soup, unaware of the small breath of relief from across the table.

That weird paralysis thing hadn't happened since the other day anyway, so she was probably going to be okay.

TURN.

What a fucking lie, you're kidding—

The doors to the house banged open, harshly knocking against the walls and startling the occupants of the dining room.

Song Hwayoung came inside the house, immediately making Eunjung receive her in a hurry and assist her with taking off her coat and setting her a pair of slippers.

Ahyeong was panicking. Why now? The universe was being unnecessarily cruel. Her body felt like a rock, cemented into the ground. The air got colder, the lights felt different, brighter somehow, as if someone was shining a spotlight down on her family, as if a grim situation was about to ensue.

Ahyeong almost got up to greet her mother, but sat back down after seeing the subtle shake of Gilyeong's head, who hastily looked down at his empty plate after Hwayoung came to sit at the head of the table.

Her mother looked like she had been trying to bottle up her anger the whole day, and the cap was finally about to burst.

Ahyeong felt unsettled at the sudden change in demeanor. Her mother had never gotten this furious before, ever. She attempted to stand, but she was glued to her seat and could only watch as Hwayoung glared daggers at Gilyeong.

She threw a stack of papers in front of Gilyeong, who shrunk into his seat when he saw its contents.

"What is this?" Hwayoung inquired, trying her best to appear calm.

The young boy mumbled a reply in a voice so small that it was barely audible.

Hwayoung flared her nostrils, "Say it louder!"

Both siblings flinched at the volume. "My report card," the youngest said shakily.

Why was her mum flipping over a simple report card? It's not like grades mattered—

"Even I know that it's a fucking report card. What I want to know is why your grades dropped to C's and D's and why the hell you're failing in math?"

Ahyeong's eyes widened, either involuntarily or of her own free will, she didn't know. Hwayoung cursing at her brother and raging over his academic report? That was quite literally the opposite of how her mother was. Hwayoung was supposed to be the sweetest person she'd ever known, understanding and supportive through every endeavor.

For a moment she considered if her mother had been replaced by a clone of a crueler version of her. With the bullshit that was happening to her right now, the theory did not even feel that far-fetched.

At Gilyeong's silence, Hwayoung scoffed, "All of this was happening and you didn't even bother telling me? I was in a phone call with your friend's mother who told me her son had scored first place but when she mentioned how you weren't even in the top ten do you know how humiliated I felt?"

She stood up abruptly, throwing her chair back, which was immediately caught by Eunjung, and scowled at the boy, not a single trace of warmth in her eyes that her daughter was familiar with, "What an embarrassment to the Song name. At least your sister fares better than you."

With that, she stalked away, heels clicking against the marble floors as she retreated to her room.

TURN .

Ahyeong got up as soon as she could control her movements, rushing over to Gilyeong whose eyes had become red and puffy as he sniffled.

She pulled him in between her arms, and he shook uncontrollably, Eunjung watching the ordeal with downtrodden eyes, wishing she could help.

This was far beyond what she thought would happen. No, that woman could not have been their mother.

As she put her brother to sleep that night, she came to a solution.

Stepping into the elevator to reach Cloud9 Officetel's terrace the next day, her resolve strengthened.

This nightmare was ending, one way or the other.

Jugyeong was quite possibly living the worst nightmare she'd ever had.

The world was too cruel. Beauty was only on the inside, they said. What a horrible lie.

She had been humiliated beyond measure. All she tried to do was convey her honest feelings to quite possibly the only person who had ever been genuinely kind to her. She would've been fine if Wang Hyunbin had simply rejected her and decided to stay as friends. But for him and Semi to destroy her pride and self-worth like that? Because of how she looked?

She felt her eyes burning with warm tears before they cascaded down her cheeks, the cold wind at the top of the building harshly biting at her skin and rattling her bones.

She shivered.

Cold, it was too cold. What a day to die.

Jugyeong's hands hovered over her phone's screen as she stared at her mother's contact. Would her family even mourn her? Good riddance, they would probably think.

But she had to tell someone, and even if her mother was harsh with her words, she still loved her. She had to tell her the reason why she was about to jump off of a building.

Just as her finger leaned down to press the call button, the door to the rooftop opened, and Jugyeong jumped in shock, turning around to see who had come in.

She did a double-take.

Was God personally consenting to her taking her own life? Because she was pretty sure he had sent down an angel to escort her soul into heaven.

Her glasses had been abandoned on the bench she'd been sitting on from when she had been trying to wipe her tears, so she couldn't really see the person properly, but even with bad eyesight, the stranger looked almost ethereal.

They were dressed in a black dress and heels, as if they had gone to a funeral, or were planning to go to one.

They stopped upon seeing Jugyeong's disheveled self.

Was God finally being kind to her in her final moments?

Mind in a haze and not thinking straight, Jugyeong broke down yet again.

Ahyeong was startled at the girl crying in front of her. She didn't think there was going to be someone else up there other than herself.

When she looked closer at the girl who was sobbing uncontrollably in front of her, she noticed who it was, immediately taking a few steps back on instinct.

Moon Gayoung? Why was she in a school uniform— oh.

You've got to be kidding me.

What luck she had, walking right into the girl this world literally revolved around.

She felt something pulling away at her in the back of her mind, sending warning bells down her spine, saying she wasn't supposed to be there. But why?

Ahyeong's heart almost burst out of her ribcage when Jugyeong threw herself at her, clutching almost painfully at her waist and sobbing into her dress.

She froze at the sudden contact, arms awkwardly hovering over the girl's shoulders.

Jugyeong had probably not recognized her yet, because there was no way she was hugging her future tormentor just like that.

"Th-thank y-y-you for c-coming," the girl said between choked breaths, "F-for being- for being here in my—" she struggled to say the words, "—my final moments."

Ahyeong stilled at that.

By the time her words had registered, she already knew what was happening.

This was the scene from the drama, she remembered, when Jugyeong had tried to kill herself because of the incident at school.

How ironic. Ahyeong almost laughed at her situation, they were here for the same fate for almost the same reason. Both didn't like the world that they lived in.

But for the Song girl, this was a test, really. A theory she came up with in the dead of the night.

The sensation of falling, that knee-jerk reaction, and the feeling of finally waking up from your dream. That was what she was hoping for. She wasn't here to die, she was here to go back to living her own life.

But the girl who clung to her was dead set on ending things, and frankly, that was a dreadful thought.

Ahyeong had no intention of leaving her as she was, be this a fictional world or not, Im Jugyeong was a human being who deserved a lot more than she got.

"Were you going to jump?"

Jugyeong's thoughts came to a halt as the Angel asked a question, the oddly familiar lilt of her voice bringing a strange mix of foreboding and warmth in her gut.

Still shaking, she only nodded against her shoulder.

"Why?"

"Because-" she sniffled, tightening her arms around them, "because everyone hates me," her voice faded at the end, and her wobbly knees gave in, making her sink into the hard floor and dragging the person along with her.

This time, the Angel wrapped her arms around her, rubbing soothing circles into her back.

"Jugyeong, things may seem horrible for you at the moment, and you have every right to be upset over what was said and done, but it is impossible to know answers to such questions when you're so overwhelmed."

The words cut through her haziness, her cries slowly stopping as what they said registered in Jugyeong's mind.

"You don't really want to die, do you?"

It felt weird, being told such things by a stranger.

Maybe deep down she had already known, but her despair had overtaken her senses and disregarded her common sense.

"Why were you really about to call your mother?"

Because she was hoping someone would stop her. To make sure someone really did care about her despite appearances.

The Angel patted her back, and slowly pulled away, only to firmly place their hands on Jugyeong's shoulders.

"Your family's waiting."

She didn't need to be told twice.

Maybe God was kinder than she thought.

It was getting dark now.

The cold evening air nipped at her skin as Ahyeong stood on the edge, heels digging into the concrete as she gazed down below.

What a hypocrite she was, telling all those things to Jugyeong.

She'd sent her home with a taxi after their ordeal, and Jugyeong had not even looked at her once through the whole thing.

She didn't know why.

The road was buzzing with activity, cars zooming past on asphalt, people walking home on the footpaths, vendors selling seasonal goods by the side.

It seemed to be a normal day.

She wondered how the rest of their day would go if her body suddenly flopped down there.

Gooseflesh rose on her arms. All of this was too real.

She slapped herself, the stinging spreading through her numb skin and making her wince in pain.

What was she doing? Was she really about to jump off a building just to test a theory out?

What if it failed? The pain in her cheek would pale in comparison to what would happen should she fall.

And the people waiting for her back home, thinking she was off paying her respects to an old friend. Gilyeong and Eunjung would be destroyed.

Ahyeong stepped back. No, she couldn't do this. She wasn't planning on dying today. Or anytime soon really.

She'd just have to get used to living here—

TURN.

Song Ahyeong stepped closer to the edge of the building, awaiting her doom.

What the fuck!? She didn't want to die, shit, shit, shit—

The LED screen behind her lit up in hues of pink and purple, colorful shadows falling on her dress that did nothing against the frigid wind.

Jung Seyeon's face graced the billboard in the distance, an ode from the people to celebrate the day he was born, and an apology for being the reason he died.

One more step and she would fall. No, no, one more step and she'd fall—

Ahyeong leaned forward closing her eyes for the last time.

NO!

And so, she fell backward.

Wait, backward?

TURN.

Ahyeong barely registered the iron grip on her wrist before it was tugged hard, her stiletto losing its balance and twisting her foot at an unnatural angle.

She widened her eyes as her vision blurred, surroundings moving too fast, and braced herself for the impact on the rough concrete.

It never came.

Instead, she fell on the person who had taken the liberty of pulling her back, and subsequently saving her. Groaning, she raised her head, squinting against the bright light of the advertisement.

"What a relief," Suho breathed out.

The ColorBeauty commercial cast the glow of its neon colors over their faces, and as the faint melody of Seyeon's voice filled the silence in the air, Song Ahyeong knew that somehow, she had fucked up.

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[gmwsuperfan5467890]

My Unpopular Stranger Things Opinions

1) Eddie should not be brought back to life. I definitely think they should do a plot where the other characters especially Dustin mourn him and try to clear his name but bringing Eddie back to life would cheapen the impact of his death and bringing Eddie back to life as a vampire would be adding a different type of supernatural lore, which would make things so messy.

2) An empowering ending for El would be if she decides to go by Jane instead. I know that the name El sounds better and it would be weird calling El Jane but Jane was the name given to her by her mum while El short for Eleven reduces to her identity to a number; a lab experiment with superpowers. How heart-warming would it be to see El take agency of her identity and choose something that reminds her of her mum rather than something that reminds her of her trauma.

3) Argyle is so underrated. Easily one of the funniest characters and I think he is a good friend to Johnathan. I also think Johnathan is calmer with Argyle because he can act like a normal teenager and not be parentified (not blaming Joyce, Will and El for this) and with Nancy, I think they both stress each other out because they are both type A people.

4) I don’t care if we see the Stranger Things season 4 scripts. The scripts will tell us nothing because the writers/directors will verbally tell the actors how to act in their scenes. There are also limited visual cues in the script, which are usually big parts of how the writers/directors show the message they want to convey. Additionally, the episodes already aired, so whatever the writers intended to show in the script is already onscreen.

5) Season 2 is so overhated. We got to see more of Will’s trauma after the Upside Down and more of El’s backstory. It was also the beginning of lumax and Dustin and Steve’s friendship. I also think season 2 and season 4 are meant to go hand-in-hand, which would make sense if seasons 1 and 5 are also meant to go hand-in-hand.

6) Kali is more compelling than Henry and she is overhated. I get why people don’t like the episode she was in; it only featured one character from the show and was set in a completely different location, so it felt very jarring but I feel like the hate for the episode got transferred to Kali as a character. I find her more compelling than Henry because instead of doing horrible things because she hates humanity (like Henry) she does the things the does to get revenge on her abusers and the people who enabled then and in a way, she protects future children from getting abused by those people. Interestingly enough, they both use anger to strengthen their powers.

7) I know I’ve said it before, but I will say it again. Nancy, Johnathan and Steve should all end the show single. We’ve never seen Nancy single, we’ve never seen Johnathan not in love with Nancy and I think Steve should fully get over Nancy and enjoy being single before he enters another relationship. I also find it redundant for all the characters in the show to end up with someone they met as teenagers in a small town like Hawkins. I have a theory on why Nancy bounces back and forth (for a lack of a better word) between Steve and Johnathan. It’s because each if them have qualities that she likes that the other one doesn’t have. Steve is more of a calming and protective presence (especially now that he has changed from season 2), while Johnathan is more intuitive and they’re both type A personalities, so they could relate to each other more. I think Nancy needs someone who is a mix of both of them and she is probably not going to find that person until she gets out into the world. I also think that Johnathan needs somebody who has Nancy’s ambition but is also more laid-back. I think Steve needs someone who has Nancy’s ambition but who also has his sense of humour and can be silly and goofy at times.