#but its basically their subconscious mind/lower functions

[riinzler]

Rinzler headcanons? (Leaving this open to gush about anything you want.)

i’m gonna use this opportunity to talk abt rinzler’s dynamic with the black guards/other occupation personnel and how security programs differ from other program types 👍

despite primarily being isolated simply by the nature of his job and his general reputation, rinzler does semi regularly interact with other programs working under clu (much to his annoyance and their fear lmao). being clu’s right hand gives rinzler a considerable task list beyond being just clu’s bodyguard, being in the games, and hunting down clu’s enemies. he still does security work while also helping strategize troop movements when asked and generally making things run as smoothly as they can for any upcoming plans.

i say all that to mean that he isn’t exclusively a one man show all the time as much as he’d like to be. things between him and the programs in the occupation are very strained to put it nicely but there’s an understanding there that if he needs you to do something he will tell you, and he doesn’t work with programs who aren’t higher ranking within their sector. if you aren’t the boss he has no business with you. the blackguards are a little different because dyson is the head of them and is usually stationed in argon, so the ones we see in legacy, (ESPECIALLY around clu) are guards hand picked by rinzler to be clu’s security team. they aren’t always around as rinzler is clu’s only full time guard and the only one allowed with him into certain areas tho

the fact that rinzler picks guards for specific assignments has lead to certain blackguards trying to directly interact with rinzler to try to get into his good graces which he…..doesn’t appreciate. he is IMMUNE to flattery 🖐 it was more of an issue when rinzler was told he had to select a team of guards to go with him on certain security jobs because a bunch of programs wanted a spot but there was never any real chance for them tbh b/c by the time clu put his foot down on rinzler putting together team he already had programs in mind.

rinz ended up picking reeve nord and klax (trons team from uprising) as they were actually the only security programs in the candidates lists and already had skill sets he was looking for. he trained em extensively and now brings them with him when he needs (is required) to bring backup

the thing is abt security programs, esp for more specialized ones like rinzler and dyson, is that the way they connect to the system and the ppl around them is intrinsically different then other types of programs. rinzler is particular is noteworthy for having a very different connection to the grid, both because he was made by alan and because he’s from the encom system. it’s not that they are more connected to the grid and more that they are connected to an aspect of it that other programs aren’t, hince how they are able to scan for footsteps and preform deeper scans of both programs and environments at all. (i do think non security programs can scan each other, but it’s very very surface level in comparison) security programs can also track programs by code signature, but it’s a difficult process that also involves the security program already being familiar with who their trying to track

to a degree it also effects their senses, as shown by dyson being able to sus beck out in that one ep. i imagine both dyson and rinzler have very very good hearing, something that’s both a blessing and a curse. for rinzler it’s main drawback is that he’s already a very light sleeper and being able to hear things that well when your trying to get some sleep means he’s constantly being woken up, which isn’t help by the other security protocols he has.

rinzler has security protocols that are unique to him (at least in some capacity) courtesy of his repurposing, flynn, and once again just by the nature of him being from a dif system. the main one and the one that other security programs also have to an extent is that he’s never truly fully offline, some part of his system is always running in the background and scanning for proximity alerts so he can’t be snuck up on when he’s asleep. rinzler’s system is just a bit more hyperactive about it by the nature of him Being The Way He Is.

similarly to that if rinzler gets injured while out and about the same section of his system that preforms those scans is able to ‘take over’ and lead him back to clu via clu’s code signature for repair. if clu can’t be found for whatever reason it’ll default to the next program in his internal hierarchy. it’s like sleepwalking more or less, with him going straight towards his destination and only pausing if someone comes close enough for him to need to defend himself. memories between him being injured to being reactivated are fuzzy at best, with rinzler not really being able to recall things because he wasn’t really online/aware during the trip. just as an example yk that scene in legacy where qurroa loses her arm and goes offline?? for rinzler it wouldn’t have been taken him out completely, as an aspect of his self preservation protocols he has regeneration (to a degree) that would’ve kept the wound from getting worse until he found clu/someone to repair him

[prismonautic]

BASE MANIFESTATION .EXE - ENEIHAL

A manifestation .exe that you can add into your spells for an extra "Oomph" or some sweet soothing - ENEIHAL.EXE.

If you don't know what a manifestation .exe is, read this.

Main spellwork categories: Cleansing, purification, sweetening, soothing.

Pronounced "eh-nehi-aahl."

Usage requires basic energy work skills: Identifying, invoking, manipulating, and directing energy.

To summon the energy of ENEIHAL for use, simply chant its name while focusing its energy surrounding you / your subject. The more chanting you do, the more concentrated the energy becomes. 

Keep in mind that  Eneihal’s energy is sensitive to intense emotions, and you can accidentally heighten the concentration of the energy if you have strong feelings during summoning.

In this document, I'm going to be outlining the following details about the .exe:

- What it's programmed to induce on specific targets: people, situations, objects.

- Traits of the .exe's energy once summoned, such as its behavior, signature, and affiliations.

- Further examples of applying this .exe into your spellwork.

To summon this energy, simply chant its name while focusing its energy surrounding you / your subject. The more chanting you do, the more concentrated the energy becomes. 

Keep in mind that  Eneihal’s energy is sensitive to intense emotions, and you can accidentally heighten the concentration of the energy if you have strong feelings during summoning.

In this document, I'm going to be outlining the following details about the .exe:

- What it's programmed to induce on specific targets: people, situations, objects.

- Traits of the .exe's energy once summoned, such as its behavior, signature, and affiliations.

- Further examples of applying this .exe into your spellwork

[ENEIHAL.EXE FUNCTION AND GENERAL USES]

 The energy of Eneihal is designed to calm, lighten and still other energies it comes in contact with.

best used in situations where undesirable energies are getting too dense and agitated.

In higher concentrations, this energy turns into an aggressive / sterilizing cleanser that supports upheaval of heavy energetic situations.

In normal concentrations -- meaning you raise a normal amount of energy for this .exe, Eneihal can be used as:

A gentle space cleanser, summoned for routine cleansing.

A supplemental sweetening energy to an existing spell (e.g sweetening a tense relationship/convo).

An energy to lighten up the atmosphere of a home.

In higher concentrations, Eneihal can be used as:

A more aggressive cleanser; think rubbing alcohol level of abrasive. Tends to leave a "repellent" energy to what it's applied to, miasmic energy is less likely to stick on this.

A component of a spell to bring secrets to light, to "clarify" information that has been intentionally obscured.

If handled properly, can be projected onto serious subconscious blocks to "loosen" them - kind of like drain cleaner unblocking a pipe. I don't recommend this for anyone who isn't equipped to handle the symptoms of negative beliefs being purged from your reality.

[ENEIHAL.EXE SIGNATURE AND TRAITS]

Misty, swirly light blue energy. Think of a wispy mist, hues akin to the face of Uranus. When going above normal concentrations, it turns into a vivid Neptunian blue.

Has the tendency to hover towards the closest + energetically heaviest subject and hover around it - like how fog surrounds a mountain. For example, if you dispersed it in a room, it'd likely start to orbit someone who has a lot of negative energy around them.

If you put your hand in it, it would feel like you've dipped your hand in a humid chamber of gas.

When overwhelmed by opposing heavy energies, it tends to dissipate. If you feel this energy dissipating in use or not making a significant dent, summon a higher concentration until it does the job.

[FURTHER EXAMPLES OF ENEIHAL.EXE USAGES]

Within kitchen magic, it can be used to assist in foods designed to lower inflammation/pain.

 If you command this energy to temporarily join your aura, it can be used as a glamor that makes people loosen up / relax around you. If you're looking for a halo effect, this could be great to apply to an existing sweetening glamor.

For stoner witches, implementing this energy into your roll can induce a calm and floatier high. Good to add if you're trying to avoid being stuck to the couch.

This can be used as a quick prayer to soften your words when you find yourself getting upset. To do this, summon the energy of this .exe to pass through your throat and your heart. Small warning - this can cause you to cry if you're expressing your hurt feelings through anger vs. sadness.

This energy can be summoned to you for calming meditations, or soothing you to sleep.

Good for cleansing ambient energy / lingering energy after spells and readings. 

Summon this to lighten the load of someone you're giving a massage to. In higher concentrations, it might trigger sudden revelations about heavy situations if the other party is exposed to it enough, so make sure to keep it moderate if you’re not trying to trigger a heavy energetic release.

[sejjouaven]

Astrology; Heliocentrism: 'The Earth Sign'

In Heliocentric Astrology, the Earth sign is the opposite of the Geocentric zodiac sign of which the Sun falls in. For example, if your Sun is in Virgo, this would make you a 'Pisces Earth'.

The Sun represents our growth, individuality, and personality that shines outward. It is when the Sun falls in whatever zodiac sign that the personality directly inherits these traits, which is why Western astrology has generalized this to be the main zodiac sign. The Earth sign represents the individual's 'Earthly Soul'. Imagine, that the Earth resonates with the Sun as they are gravitationally interlocked, the whole Earth soul, the molecules, plants, animals, all resonating in one particular sign due to directional induction. The Earth sign is also partially compared to the Moon, but of a more 'Humanitarian level'. This Humanitarian energy is correspondent to the debatable exoteric ruler of the Earth as Libra. Earth's esoteric ruler is Sagittarius. The Earth sign articulates the individual’s unconscious in passivity, along with the general human and global mass un/subconscious. As the Sun sign's position affects the direct and active conscious, the Earth falls under its induction as a passivity over time, affecting the subconscious. This effect of Heliocentrism and Geocentricism is polarity. The unconscious, following subconscious, are the roots of the direct and active conscious. 

The Earth sign revealed in the Heliocentric chart is just as important as the preliminaries, especially considering that we actually inhabit it.

Sun

Cognitive Personality, Radiance, Individuality

Moon

Subconscious, Emotional Personality, Resonance

Earth

Unconscious, Foundation, Soul

---

DEFINITIONS FROM www.mermaid-uk.net

"Earth Through The Signs"

"Earth In Aries"

This position points to a life that serves to release or birth Active Intelligence into the environment. This is done through awakening oneself, and then others, to the latent possibilities for the creative expression of the Earth’s resources, and of matter in general. This is balanced by the Sun in Libra, indicating that such resources have to be distributed (through Uranus and the 7th Ray) according to the Law of Right Human Relations. This combination blends the energies of Rays One and Seven {Aries} with Ray 3 (the Earth) and is thus very much related to the relationship of Spirit and matter through the focus of Active Intelligence.

"Earth In Taurus"

A most potent position for the dispelling of material glamour and illusions. This placement reveals that one of the most essential tasks the individual has to accomplish is the creation of those forms which will be the proper instrument for the expression of the Will-to-Be. The Third and Fourth Ray combined in this position, providing a potent and challenging life. This soul-centered person would be constantly involved in the process of breaking down those forms and structures which are no longer able to transmit Light. The keyword for this position could be ~I break down and unblock~, as this function characterizes one who is born with the Earth in Taurus and the Sun in Scorpio. It should be remembered that Venus, exoteric ruler of the Bull, is considered the Higher Self of the Earth. The Earth in Taurus helps to reveal the inner truth of the spiritual reality hidden all too often within the context of terrestrial life and material forms.

"Earth In Gemini"

This is a very challenging position as its esoteric significance is more profound. Since the Earth rules Sagittarius, it would be natural to assume that this planet has its detriment in the sign of the Twins. Yet Venus rules Gemini and the connection between the Earth and Venus is a highly positive and beautiful one. One can only speculate and so consider the following conclusions in this light. It is a fact that Gemini, through its association with Venus creates in the minds of humanity an increased awareness of the essential duality which exists between material, sensual desires and the urge to align oneself with the Will-to-Good of the spirit. In effect the basic duality of one on the Fixed Cross is this conflict between the will of the lesser self and the Will of the Creator. This is a collective planetary, and particularly human dilemma. It appears that this duality is increased when the Earth is in Gemini and the Sun is in Sagittarius, thus giving a heightened spiritual opportunity to one with this placement.

On the personality level, this may indicate that the energies of the lower self tend to scatter and become dissipated in the unconscious attempt to integrate egocentric motivations. A Soul-centered individual with this placement in the natal horoscope would tend to be quite aware of the disparity existing between the values and goals of the personality and those of the Higher Self. The house position of the Earth would reveal that area of life in which this duality is most pronounced. In the symbology of the Twins the Ancient Wisdom Teachings tell us that the Earth is related to the Brother ~whose light grows stronger cycle by cycle~. This, of course, refers to the increasing expression of Soul-focused love.

"Earth In Cancer"

Cancer is the ~Gate In~ and anchors the incarnating soul onto the Planet in terms of the personality and the mass consciousness. It is a beginning of the evolutionary arc which first seeks to develop self consciousness in Leo, and then group consciousness (and subsequent world service) in Aquarius. From the Soul centered perspective of one who is born with this position and thus with the Sun in Capricorn, the emphasis on the Third Ray is paramount. Cancer is the primary sign of the expression of this Ray and Capricorn is found here as well. Saturn the ruler of the latter, on both Soul and personality levels, is the primary planetary expression of Active Intelligence and is partnered in this respect by the Earth. This is the purest Third Ray expression possible (although Earth in Capricorn also has a potential Third Ray expression). The dharma of the life is clear; to create those physical structures and thought forms that allow Light to be utilized as a source of strength for others. The house position will reveal this ~well of spiritual waters sunk deeply into the Earth~ so that all may come to drink of the Father (in this case the Father of the Waters, Neptune).

"Earth In Leo"

The mental quality of this combination is very strong, as we have a blending in Rays One and Five (Leo) and Three (Earth). Yet the Sun is of the Second Ray, so the potential for creating those forms of expression of Love/Wisdom is very great. The Sun in Aquarius brings in the polarized energies of yet another Fifth Ray sign, and its Second Ray ruler, Jupiter. The Aquarian will be able to find an Earth based focus (that is, the Earth’s house position) for the urge to network and unite groups of various individuals. The self conscious quality of the Earth’s Leo placement will point to exactly where the Water Bearer has to distribute his ~burden~ of consciousness.

"Earth In Virgo"

This is the position wherein the ~Mother of All Forms~ can do an incredible amount of good to release the potency of the hidden Christ child in the Soul. This combination points to an incarnation in which the individual works hard at healing and making the life on Earth more whole. Spiritually, it is a very strong position given the fact that the Sun is in Pisces, and the energies of Pluto are also manifesting. The Earth-based focus gives Pluto a chance to ~unearth the Underworld~ evoking from the depths of materiality the essential quality of love which lies in dark obscurity for the majority of humanity.

"Earth In Libra" (Exoteric Ruler: Earth)

There are three sets of connections which should be mentioned in regard to this position; it is highly mental in nature, as it is composed of Rays Three (Earth and Libra), Five (Venus) and Seven (Libra and Uranus). It involves the impulse of the Sun in Aries and its focus in the ~Place where the Will of God is Known~ with the linkage of the Higher and lower minds (Third and Fifth Rays, and Venus). This position also indicates the externalization of the Divine Ideas for the unfoldment of the Plan of Creation into the ~minds of men~. This is accomplished through the relationship of Rays One-Three-Five and their synthesized expression through Uranus and Ray Seven. The Mind of the Soul-centered person with the Earth in Libra and the Sun in Aries will act as a tool for the birthing on Earth of those essential Ideas ~whose time has come~.

"Earth In Scorpio"

This position continues to reveal the incredible opportunity for individuals on the Scorpio-Taurus polarity in their quest for the Path. It also reveals the particular type of service one may render while discovering and co-creating the Way. The Earth and Mars enter into an intimate relationship through this combination breaking down all resistance to the reorientation of material values and the release of Spiritual Will. The house position of the Earth in Scorpio is a clear indication of where a tremendous focus of detachment and sacrifice has to be made in order that a greater realization of wholeness and healing can be created. The potential for healing can be very powerful, as this combination is incredibly magnetic, drawing to itself matter of a much finer and Soul-centered nature to replace the destruction of the forms of desire so associated with its signs and planets.

"Earth In Sagittarius" (Esoteric Ruler: Earth)

This position continues to reveal the incredible opportunity for individuals on the Scorpio-Taurus polarity in their quest for the Path. It also reveals the particular type of service one may render while discovering and co-creating the Way. The Earth and Mars enter into an intimate relationship through this combination breaking down all resistance to the reorientation of material values and the release of Spiritual Will. The house position of the Earth in Scorpio is a clear indication of where a tremendous focus of detachment and sacrifice has to be made in order that a greater realization of wholeness and healing can be created. The potential for healing can be very powerful, as this combination is incredibly magnetic, drawing to itself matter of a much finer and Soul-centered nature to replace the destruction of the forms of desire so associated with its signs and planets.

"Earth In Capricorn"

As we know Capricorn is the ~Gate Out~ of ordinary incarnations, and onto the wheel of initiation and the birthing of the Christ consciousness hidden in the womb of the Virgin. The position the Earth occupies in the natal chart when the Sun is in Cancer reveals the place and function by which the Soul centered individual can most positive release his or her portion of the One Life into manifestation. Both the dharma and the karma of the life conjoin through Saturn’s association with Capricorn, the Earth and the Third Ray. Should Saturn also be found in Capricorn, conjunct the Earth and in actual opposition to the Sun in Cancer, this incarnation points to a great culmination of previous efforts in former lifetimes and a great challenge is revealed in the current one. The challenge involves the proper structuring of the life forces so that they are put under the total Will of the Father. There is no room for duality in this position, and the light of the one-pointed disciple must shine through the illusions of the material life. No-one said it would be easy!

"Earth In Aquarius"

The developed sense of self consciousness found in the life of the Soul-centered Leo individual finds ample opportunity for world service when the Earth is in the sign of the Water Bearer. This combination shows an emphasis on the mental plane, as this is a Third Ray planet acting through a Fifth Ray sign. The effects of Saturn as co-ruler of Aquarius on the personality level, as well as its Third Ray connection to the Earth are also significant. This position points to the need to create those structures of mind which channel and distribute innovative concepts into the collective consciousness. The work to be undertaken in this capacity involves the loving use (Jupiter) of the Concrete Mind for the advancement of those Ideas and Principles that will bring a sense of unified wholeness to human experience.

"Earth In Pisces"

A most potent placement, as there is a strong blending of the three Rays of Aspect through Pluto (First) Earth (Third) and Pisces (Second). The synthesis occurs through the Sixth Ray quality of the Fish and the devotion of the Soul centered individual to humanity, the Christ consciousness, and the Plan. The dharma involves selfless work to release people from those facets of the astral/desire nature which inhibit the flow of the Universal loving matrix (Second Ray). For the individual with the Sun in Virgo, the outer field of service will be indicated by the house position of this Earth in the natal chart. Jupiter and Neptune, the exoteric rulers of this sign, add even more loving idealism to this effort, but the fundamental nature of the Earth itself serves to balance such aspirations within the context of practicality.

[meditativeyoga]

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome: A Yoga Sequence to Soothe Sore Wrists

There could not be any type of body components that we knowingly make use of greater than the hands, wrists, and arms. That can make Carpal Passage Disorder (CTS)-- to place it candidly-- a genuine drag. In other words, CTS creates pain, tingling, prickling, and also reduced functioning in the hands (particularly in the middle finger, forefinger, as well as thumb) resulting from pinching of the typical nerve in the carpal passage, situated in the wrist. Yet there can be a whole lot more to the image. As an example, conditions such as joint inflammation and also diabetes can boost the risk of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Females, due to smaller carpal passages, are more prone to it than men.

CTS frequently results from overuse and imbalances that can create muscle mass to become tight, and sometimes irritated and swollen (read: puffy). These tight, fed-up muscle mass are frequently in the hands and also wrists. The problem usually arises from repetitive activities such as knitting, production line work, massage work, and also continual keying. Yet CTS symptoms (tingling, prickling, pain, minimized working) in the hands as well as wrists can really be originating from the median nerve being squeezed anywhere along its path, as an example, under the collarbone or at the joint.

In various other situations, weak point or rigidity in the muscles of the trunk can lead one to automatically make use of muscular tissues of the hands and arms to perform activities that those trunk muscular tissues when did-- and also are suggested to do (a subconscious practice understood as "compensation"). Basically, the muscular tissues closer to the facility of the body are indicated for toughness while the muscle mass closer to the extremities are implied for mastery (carrying out much more refined jobs). Asking muscles created dexterous tasks to do jobs calling for stamina can create them to become limited, cranky, and also irritated. And-- you thought it-- this can create Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. All in all, it appears clear that Carpal Tunnel Syndrome can be something pertaining to the entire body instead than simply the hands, arms, as well as wrists.

Can Yoga Assist Alleviate Repetitive Strain Injury Symptoms?

Given that, can yoga help? A research study published in the distinguished Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) found that yoga asana can ease CTS signs and symptoms in a team of participants experiencing the condition. A caution: the poses that research study individuals exercised did not call on their wrists to bear weight. While using props and other strategies can lower stress on the wrists in traditional asana technique, it's better to play it safe when it pertains to problems like CTS (where there's capacity to more intensify the damaged location and also hence worsen, instead than calm, signs and symptoms).

The adhering to series is designed to aid ease Carpal Tunnel Syndrome signs. It can be carried out in 5 to ten mins as well as in a little area. As constantly, practice yoga with the consent of a physician, specifically when doing so to address concrete conditions. Happy practicing!

A Yoga Exercise Sequence to Ease Symptoms of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

Extremities Activities and also Extending

Roll your wrists in circles 5 to ten times, and also after that do the exact same in the other direction.

Do the same with the forearms, rotating from the elbow joints. Just see to it that you have sufficient area at your sides!

Roll your shoulders in big, delicious circles five to 10 times in each instructions. Assume of a rolling tumbleweed, or laundry walking around in a clothes dryer.

Extend one arm out in front of you, fingers to the sky, as if signaling "stop!" Take your various other palm to that hand's hand, but with fingers facing descending (so one hand's fingers are aiming up as well as the other hand's are aiming down). Draw back slightly and gently with the leading arm, up until you really feel a gentle stretch in the bottom arm, wrist, or hand. You'll feel it where you're tightest.

Hold that for 5 to 10 breaths. Launch, as well as delicately clean your hands and wrists. Repeat beyond.

Standing Side Flexes and also Turns

Reach as much as the sky, palms facing each other, but with the triceps covering backward. This is Urdhva Hastasana (Upward Hands Pose).

Interlace your fingers and also encounter your palms to the sky. Breathe into this stretch for 5 to 10 breaths.

On a breath in, ground your feet and lengthen up simply a little bit much more via your back. On a breath out, side bend to your right, making certain to maintain the ideal side of your body as long as feasible. Remain grounded in your left foot.

Hold for 5 to 10 breaths, and after that raise up via your spinal column and also do the same to the.

Come back to the. Twist to the right, still holding the interlace for a couple of breaths.

Then allow the intertwine go, your left arm getting to ahead and your ideal arm reaching in reverse. As you take a breath in, grow a bit taller via your spine. As you take a breath out, see if you can twist just ever before so a little extra, thus including even more size as well as even more twist with each breath.

Hold this spin for 5 to 10 breaths. Then return to Urdhva Hastasana as well as exercise the same turning sequence to the left.

Heart Lift as well as Reduced (Onward Fold)

With your arms relaxing at your sides, reach your heart approximately the skies. Think of making your spinal column like a candy cane as high as possible, straight many of the way, and curved on top.

After a couple of breaths, bring your spine back up to. Take a couple of even more breaths to re-center.

With hands on your hips, joint forward from the hip creases, somewhat flexing your knees as well as ankle joints. Lead with the crown of your head and involve your core as you come down.

Once you reach a comfy forward bend with your knees bent, hold opposite elbows, taking "Ragdoll Posture" for 5 to 10 breaths (or sustain your upper body on a yoga prop, such as a chair, as pictured over.) Notice where you may be holding stress, as well as attempt to launch it.

Release your hands to the flooring, dropping the hold on your arm joints. Take Pada Hastasana (Hands-Under-Feet Pose) by directing your fingers back toward your heels and then stepping onto your palms with your toes touching your wrist creases. See to it to keep the bend in your ankle joints and also knees. Actually, you will most likely require to boost those bends.

Relax here for 5 to 10 breaths and afterwards release your hands from under your feet. Take any kind of other motions that feel excellent right here for 5 to 10 breaths.

Come back up to standing the exact same way you came down-- hands on hips, core engaged, as well as crown of the head leading onward. Take any movements or stretches that call to you.

Take a mindful moment, perhaps closing your eyes (if comfortable for you) and also discovering exactly how you really feel.

[loxxxlay]

100 word meme

hiii, so I’ve been wanting to try this for a while since it seems to work out really well for @veliseraptor and i feel like it’d work out well for me too? so gonna give it a shot

rules are you vote for a fic and i write 100 words in it. so basically if u want a fic posted faster, vote for it, because a vote means i’ll actually work on it (hopefully XD). it’s mostly just a helpful way for me to have tangible goals that i can work toward without having to make decisions about what those goals are myself XD

[edit: oh yeah you can vote for up to 3]

so without further ado, here’s the list (as is traditional, with bonus excerpts as a reward for helping me with executive brain functions lmfao):

1. (Figment of Choice) [tw grandthorki shenanigans]

“Oh, but dear, if I had known it’d be like this, I would have had you change ages ago. You’re simply beautiful!” He smiled and ran the ends of his fingers down Loki’s jaw.  

Loki resisted the urge to bite them. Monster, he thought. Tears gathered in his eyes. “Please,” he begged. “Please don’t do this to me—”

“Loki, we’ve talked about this.” The Grandmaster made a disapproving clicking noise with his tongue. “Yesterday even. Didn’t I specifically tell your brother how I prefer those who are willing. Those who enjoy what Sakaar has to offer. What I have to offer. Are you telling me you’re not one of those people?”

“Yes,” Loki said by habit; then, “I mean, no—no, I am, I just—I don’t think—I can’t—”

“Shhh,” the Grandmaster said. “You know how much I hate hearing don’t and can’t. Come along, sweetheart, get up. As lovely as you are, I’m not only here for you. Time’s a’ticking.”

2. (The troy and lola story of my soul) [tw implied noncon/dubcon and csa]

Troy watched his friend disappear into his carriage, and then he watched a butterfly trail from flower to flower, and then he watched the sun approach the white mountains in the distance. His legs ached with the strain of standing as he watched, but he didn’t move. Moving would mean admitting the fact that his twin had been suffering for years. Suffering the same torment he himself had escaped. Moving would mean having to face the fact that his brother (sister?) might resent him. 

As he stood, he tried—he focused his entire mind upon an imagined woman lying nude in the lounge of a brothel. He tried to feel what she felt. He tried to feel the weight of a body on top of his or the repetitive aching of his insides. He tried to feel the unbearable numbness infecting his limbs with cold. But there was nothing, no sense of life from his twin. Nothing except the ghosts of his own memories.

“My Lord,” Margaret called from the patio, “won’t you come inside?”

Troy sighed but didn’t turn. “You know to call me Theodore.”

“It’s cold out here,” Margaret said as if she hadn’t heard. “At least let me fetch your cloak.”

Troy didn’t answer, and a moment later, he heard the door bang shut. He waited a bit longer. For what? He didn’t know. But then the crickets started chirping, and the chill of nighttime wind raised goosebumps on his arms, and he managed to stomach his fear and turn to face the house.

3. (Forget Me Not, Remember Still) [tw domestic abuse, grandthorki shenanigans]

“You look so sad,” Thor said, and Loki hated that his voice sounded at all like the Grandmaster’s. “What’s bothering you?”

Unsure whether it was safe to answer, Loki pressed his lips together.

“Tell me,” Thor said, just as gently, but—Loki could sense the difference in his patience.

He took a breath. “It’s nothing,” he said.

“It’s something,” Thor argued. “Now tell me—or do I have to remind you what happens when you try to think for yourself.”

Loki steeled himself against a flinch. Almost subconsciously, his hand came up and his fingers pressed against the bruises at his neck. The shirt he’d wanted to wear would have covered them, but this—it exposed him. It made him look weak, like a victim—and truly, was he not a victim now? Was he not being abused?

Wincing, he looked away from the mirror before the sight of himself could make him cry.

“Oh, Loki,” Thor said. “You’ve made some mistakes. All those marks show is that you’ve learned better. They’re nothing to be ashamed of.”

To you, Loki thought, and then shut the thought off. 

4. (On Our Terms) [tw grandthorki shenanigans]

The Grandmaster sighed loudly. “I don’t mean to offend you, but your society sounds quite borish.”

“It is,” the Valkyrie said, “but it’s the one we got, and I doubt you have room for three thousand potentially borish people here, so . . .”

“Yes, yes, your point has been made,” the Grandmaster said. “But you see—I’ve grown quite fond of these two, and I’m not quite sure if I want to let them go. Especially since they seem so eager to stay.”

“Yeah, I get it. So what’s your price?” she asked in a casual tone.

“My price? Goodness, gracious! I’m not the type to just sell these poor boys to the highest bidder. My dear dear 142, you should know better than to suggest such a thing! Absolutely unbelievable.”

There was a silence. Loki held his breath, closed his eyes, and tried not to think. Whatever happened, it wouldn’t matter what he did. It wouldn’t matter what he said. In fact, it might make things worse if he spoke, and things were already bad enough. The best he could do was keep silent and be good and just . . . wait. Wait to be dragged back into their nightmare.

Under the table, Thor’s free hand slipped around his and squeezed. Loki was numb, too numb, to care. He didn’t squeeze back.

At last, the Grandmaster gave a long put-upon sigh. “I suppose, I might be more . . . favorable to your wishes if you were to, hmm. Play a game with me.”

The Valkyrie shifted in her seat. “What kind of game?”

5. (thor ficlet whumptober chapter 4) [tw past noncon]

With a deep breath, Thor slipped on a robe over his nightshirt and pants (he no longer slept without a shirt), and headed toward the door. There was one person, in all of Asgard, besides her, who knew. His brother had every right to be angry. Even now, Thor remembered the things he had said the night before—before—and those had been his own words, not hers.

As he came to the door, feeling small and afraid, he remembered the morning after. How Loki had begged him for an apology and had not received one. How Thor had stood on the other side, unable to be anything but callous and cold. Their positions were reversed now. Thor prayed his brother would be more kind.

Trembling, he knocked.

Loki answered the door, not a minute later, robed in black and green, hair curly and disheveled. “Yes?” he said as he rubbed his eyes—and then, before Thor could answer, his face smoothed and his eyebrows furrowed low and angry on his face. “Did she try something again?”

“No,” Thor rushed to say, but Loki’s expression didn’t soften. Cheeks aflame, Thor fixed his gaze on the golden stone archway of the door and studied its numerous ridges and cracks. “I can’t—sleep,” he managed. “That—bed—” His throat felt hoarse. He returned his gaze to his brother and tried not to let the desperation seep into his voice. “I’m afraid to sleep alone.”

6. (IW AU thor whump) [tw violence]

“Let me make this clear,” Thor said. He ripped a strip of cloth free from his cape and toyed with it between his hands. “I follow the doctrine of my master because it’s what I believe. But even if I didn’t? Even if you somehow managed to convince me otherwise?” Thor lifted the red cloth and pressed it between the bones of her jaw. “I would follow him anyway. There is not one single thing you could say to dissuade me from his offer, universe be damned.” He tied the cloth in a knot on the back of her head. “Do you understand?”

Eyes blazing, Gamora kneed him in the thigh.

Thor stumbled. His heart sped, as he realized she’d been aiming for his crotch, and in a burst of rage, his hand clenched into a fist and raised in the air—trembling and white-knuckled and desperate to hit her back. 

He didn’t do it.

There was something in her face that sparked a memory in him—one of Loki, handcuffed and bright-eyed and braced for a blow on the Asgardian skiff. The time they’d gone to avenge a mother who had left them alone too soon. The time Loki (seemed to have) died. For a shocking moment, the woman in front of Thor looked just like his brother. From the the tension in her shoulders, to the set in her lips, and to the glassiness of her wide eyes.

He lowered his fist. Grief cascaded over him, and it weighed like bricks on his chest and needles in his heart. In a count to ten, Thor reminded himself of the doctrine and of Thanos’s offer—the gauntlet, with all five Infinity Stones, would resurrect his brother. This woman—this traitor—couldn’t. The choice was easy.

 “Get some rest,” he said, numb and cold. “Xandar is several hours away.”

7. (Zombie Post Apoc Novel) [tw grosss vagina shit, implied noncon]

At night, Helen catches her in the bathroom. The door is cracked open, and Cassandra is standing, one foot planted on the tub’s ledge and the other foot on the floor. Her hand is between her thighs and she’s holding the lighter under her clit, until the air sizzles with the smell of burnt flesh. She comes like that. Helen knows because tears leak from Cassandra’s face whenever her orgasm is real.

“I’m sorry,” Cassandra whispers when she notices Helen watching. “I have to.”

And Helen doesn’t bother arguing. Larry may dead, but there are countless Larry’s, and even if there aren’t, Andrew hovers in their room sleeping on their bed. Something has to burn. So Helen just closes the door behind her, turns on the vent to clear the smell, and grabs Neosporin from a drawer under the sink.

Cassandra sits on the bathtub ledge. “Maybe we should stay,” she whispers. “Maybe it really is better here.”

Helen kneels on the bathroom tile. “You’re gonna kill yourself if we stay here, babe.” Then she rubs the Neosporin over the folds of her sister’s vagina, and when the burns are good and treated, tears of ecstasy leak down Cassandra’s face.

In the silence that follows, Cassandra bites her lip. “If it comes to it… I don’t know that I could pull the trigger.”

“You can,” Helen says. “Just pretend you’re holding a lighter.”

8. (Moment of Peace)

[theslowliferp]

Slowly Stopping Into Stillness

HOW TO HIT PAUSE WHEN ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS RUN!

Here we are in the 3rd, 4th or more week of social distancing depending on where in the world you are.  

We’ve been discussing the effects of this A LOT within our “Wild Women Writers” group and I’m so grateful to have such insightful and creative people to explore my writing and the world with, especially at a time like this.

These ladies are incredibly empathic souls who are not only acutely aware of their own emotions but the emotions of those around them, even when those people are at least 2 metres away ;-)

Everyone in our group uses creative writing in all its forms… poetry, spoken word, novels, songs… to explore and share the big mysteries of life but also to heal ourselves in the process and help others to do the same.

In the midst of all the craziness and chaos, creativity is flourishing.

We’re all trying to find the words to explain what’s being felt individually and collectively around the world.

The past week has been all about transition From our lives before Covid-19 to our “new norm��.

Finding the space for acceptance of what is. Not worrying about what might be. Slowly stopping into stillness.

All of us are moving away from the busy-ness of physical activity.

Settling into a slower rhythm.

Some of us are finding this transition easier than others.  

It’s not that they don’t feel the fear, we all do.

Our minds are running in fight/flight mode even if it’s subconsciously. It’s clear we’ve all been triggered by a global “threat” that’s felt and faced by every person on our planet. This stuff is powerful, it’s overwhelming and even when you’re not constantly checking the news or engaging in social media, it’s still being felt, deeply.

All this fear generates a lot of unhelpful mind chatter or physical responses in our bodies, that don't serve any purpose other than playing out an automatic and outdated survival programme.

It’s like we’re records stuck on loop because we can’t release our fear by running away and we can’t use it to fight the coronavirus (in fact fear has the opposite effect because stress lowers our immunity).

"When stress levels (and therefore levels of stress hormones like cortisol) go up, this lowers levels of immunoglobulin... One of the primary proteins responsible for healthy immune function and the eternal defence system."  -- Dr Joe Dispenza (Becoming Supernatural)

That’s technical language for basically saying, when we experience fear (stress) we compromise our immunity and that’s probably the worst thing we can do when the thing we fear most is catching a virus.

Fear has us hiding in our metaphorical mind caves, as we literally hide out in our modern day caves. My cave is a flat (well 2 rooms) and no outside space, so I get it!

I get how this feels.

To feel stuck. Trapped. Isolated.

Life is out of your control. You don’t know what’s around the corner.

It’s the worst scenario for minds that are hardwired to need certainty, the familiar and social connection. The struggle to process our current situation is playing out through emotions of grief, fear, anger, frustration and for some even the denial of their reality.

On the same day our country received a letter from the UK Prime minister asking us in writing to…

STAY AT HOME!

My friend Sam while out walking her dog, met a number of families who’ve driven to our seaside town for a holiday during the UK lockdown! One family confirmed her suspicions by shouting at her… “Don’t worry we’re only here for 1 week”?

Our thoughts, feelings and actions always align. It’s clear fear has us behaving in ways that aren’t compassionate or sensible for either our own health and safety or for other people’s.

So how can we deal with this fear when it’s collectively overwhelming?

Accept our current normality. Release into the reality of what is. Be Here. Be Present. Be Still.

IN THE SLOW STILLNESS WE FIND PEACE.

I know that’s much easier to say than to do.

I’ve been working through this myself with my own mind monkey for the past 3 weeks and I’ve years of experience in facing more traumatic and physically restrictive events than our current situation.

It’s a challenge to override our programming but it’s possible for us all.

Meditation is quite a common practice for many people now, but all too often we forget what a powerful tool it can be and that there are many variations to explore, each having their own unique results and experiences.

Research has shown that our minds can’t tell the difference between reality and an imagined experience.

Creative visualisation can be a really useful technique for you to implement right now. I used it a lot while paralysed in hospital and in fact I managed to miraculously heal my surgery wounds (much to the shock of the surgeons) but that’s another story for different day!

THIS WEEK I CREATED A VISUALISATION MEDITATION TO HELP EVERYONE.

We’ll be going on a journey together without you needing to leave your home. We’re going to get your mind believing that you’re not in “lockdown” while experiencing a wonderfully calm, peaceful and energising visualisation that I created specifically to help…

*Set aside some “me time” if you have zero personal space

*Calm your body and mind when you experience anxiety, fear or grief

*Reduce or remove any physical pain or tension felt in your body

*Release frustration from being stuck inside for such a long time!

It’s helped me a lot over the last few days and I hope it will help you too.

[hyperionswrath--archived]

@onepartbrave :

Squall felt as though he couldn’t get enough of the man underneath him. No enticing kiss was enough, the already non-existent distance between them needed to disappear, the feel of hands perched on his hips should’ve been elsewhere by now. Heat captured between their persons was unimaginable and his breath was willingly stolen each time he thought he’d catch it. The earlier hushed command of ‘wider’ stuck with him, and he gradually abided. Lips parting as their connection intensified, his noises of approval were smothered by Seifer’s mouth.  

Time was meaningless right then. All that mattered was keeping as close to that all-consuming heat as possible. Always one to generally prefer the chillier climates, the colder approaches, he adapted well and flourished with the newfound warmth, eager to maintain it and coax out more. Thus, when teeth dug into his bottom lip and eager hips pressed back against his subconsciously rocking ones, he replied smoothly by grinding down with additional pressure and letting out a soft whine of encouragement. “Yes…”

Of course, then was when reality rudely reminded Squall of where they were. A chorus of clapping startled him out of his reverie and Seifer’s verbalised curse was voiced in synchronisation with his internal one. Sluggishly blinking away the daze he’d fallen into, only inebriated haziness endured, and he still felt more addled than before. Leering down at Seifer from the vantage point he had atop of burly thighs, he observed not only he was suffering from the interruption. Subtly grateful for the revelation, it didn’t grant him a solution. Dangerous indeed… he mused dryly, head tilting intuitively when the blond’s lips carried on a course.

The hot, wet attack on his neck shot further pangs of fervour through him, half-opened eyes fluttering shut as a forlorn groan exuded softly from parted lips. Which he bit down on to suppress more embarrassing noises from arising, eyes only reopening again countless seconds later at the Glaive’s foolhardy remark to gift a mild glare in response. Boasting as usual…

Instead of giving into the natural disparaging temperament he housed when dealing with gloaters, Squall sat upright more, quirking a single brow of obvious dubiety in regard to the man’s words. Scepticism running riot all over every external expression, he released the previously inflexible grip he’d had on the blond’s shoulders and folded his arms loosely over his chest. “…All bark, no bite,” he declared amicably, donning the most complacent grin he’d manifested all night. “As usual.”

Fighting words came far too naturally when it came to dealing with his former rival. A lot of things did, allegedly. Surprising things he’d never considered (like straddling the man’s lap and taunting him? Yeah), too. Shocking, yes, but nothing felt bad so far. Why stop here, his ever helpful inner voice supplied, pulling an outwardly eye-roll for himself in response. ‘Cause we’re in public? Jeez, his more rational side elaborated, saltiness overwhelming.

“Promises, promises…” he sighed with a mocking shake of his head. Unfolding his arms, he shimmied backwards carefully to the couch edge and cautiously got to his feet, ever considerate of the coat he still borrowed. Pushing the long sleeves up to his elbows, his gaze returned to Seifer and rose an expectant eyebrow. Well? it asked, are you coming?

Greed being one of his apparent vices, keeping a level head in heated, close proximity was as futile as entirely pulling away. There was no chance of him staying his hands from the sensation of being able to touch his former rival in a way he never dreamed possible. Furthermore, the ever underlying obsessive streak kept rearing its head, fueling impatience and want, threatening to overcome the last bit of wit that might remain.

Seifer was no man of patience, and the way fingers started clawing into the abundant cloth of his coat covering slim hips would have surely been bruising if applied directly on skin. He wanted more than this, and now. Feeling how responsive and pliant the brunet's body reacted to his advances did not help at all, nor his indifference for their surroundings. For the most part, he wouldn't mind in the least to bend Leonhart over here and now to take him and let everybody see whom he belonged to. Then again, that would mean exposing what he wanted all for himself to the world to see, the thought strangely unappealing.

Whining appreciation for his hips rolling against the other's brought him close to tip over the edge of self-control and only the branding applause was able to clear hazed thoughts long enough so he could finally reign in his carnal instincts long enough to create what bit of distance they both seemed to need right now to function on the most basic of levels. A dangerous spark had found its home in jade-green depths, the tenseness inside the tall blond's body similar to when he was about to spring into action during a fight, and yet so far from it. He wanted to illicit more of these pretty sounds, wanted to deepen the tint on pale cheeks, wanted those six-bedamned clothes gone that only obscured what he hungered after. And if he was not mistaken, Leonhart was up for it?

Mirroring the quirk of an eyebrow, Seifer worried his lower lip with a dark and warning expression on his face when cocky phrases were directed in response to his admonishing words. Nostrils flaring, he waited, all bated breath for he knew what happened next would likely determine how the rest of the night would go about. Thus, he let the other man slide from his lap, not without carefully hidden regret, only to rise in a smooth motion right after him, allowing no distance to build between them. With a low growl, one hand shot out to reach for the brunet, applying a firm grip on his behind, simultaneously pulling the smaller frame against him once more. Leaning down, lips brushed the other's ear. "Careful, you might regret provoking me like this." His voice had dropped, sounding lower, reverberating with the initial growl.

His patience had worn utterly thin at this point and he was not sure how he was supposed to make it anywhere without claiming what he wanted meanwhile. Releasing his hold on Squall, he straightened up and shot a glance to where his comrades had been sitting. The seats were vacant, all of them apparently retreated to one of the many playrooms. Impatience let his eyes wander over the many entrances leading away from the hall, thoughts wandering if they should, too, just head there to make short work of some kind of privacy. Shaking his head to himself, he loathed realizing he wanted the man all to himself, without any chance of disturbance whatsoever.

Having stood up so quickly, he could feel the dizziness from alcohol surging through his system, yet for good measure, he reached for his glass to empty it in one go. Better safe than sorry. Inclining his head back to where they had come, he set into motion, wanting to leave the establishment before his urges overwhelmed him and made him change his mind. Running the options they had from here on out through his head, he decided he would take Squall home. Not twenty-four hours earlier nothing could have been further from his mind than show his former rival where he lived, but this here new situation demanded a different approach... needless to say, he wanted to feel in control of the situation.

Outside, the cold night was a welcome brush against his heated skin, though not entirely able to sober his mind or stray his thoughts. Shooting a sideglance to the brunet, he nodded again, down the street, to lead him in the direction of the residential area. After taking a couple of steps, he extracted one arm, fingers curling demandingly. "Come here." He wanted the lithe body close, to stop any possible sobering up from their own kind of intoxication, certain that if he left Squall to his own devices he'd soon be buried in that pretty head of his again instead of shooting those wanting glances in his direction.  

[detectivejigsawpines]

Twinpathy (Feelings)

And here’s part 2.

Caryn Pines had thought having one baby was difficult.

Compared to twin babies, though, Shermie had been a godsend.

Not to say that she didn’t love her little ones, though; pathological liar though she might have been, one thing Caryn was honest about was how much her children meant to her.

The frustrating thing was how...emotional they tended to get, at basically the same time.  If one of them started crying, it wouldn’t be long before the other one was wailing along in chorus.

Stanley had started it tonight, and had needed to be held and fed for twenty minutes before he was appeased.  Surprisingly, Ford hadn’t seemed interested in eating when she tried feeding him too, but he was quietly gurgling in his crib now, like all he’d needed was for his brother to be happy.  Caryn smiled at the adorable thought, and leaned down over Stanley, who was now lying in her lap for some special mommy-time, letting her hair cascade over his face as her fingers danced over his tiny bare feet.

“Tickle tickle!” she crooned, wiggling them over his toes.

Stanley squirmed, and let out a tiny baby laugh.

And Stanford laughed at the exact same time, from the other side of the room.

Caryn stared in bewilderment for a moment, before she repeated the action.  And it happened again; both babies let out high, gurgling laughs.

Caryn picked Stanley up, tucking him into the crook of her arm, and went to check on her other baby.

Stanford was lying in the crib, looking very much like he wanted to sit up and see what was going on out here; he smiled gummily when he saw his mother’s face appear above him.  She reached down and booped the end of his nose; he wrinkled it at her and giggled, and from her arm Stanley giggled too.

Caryn smiled again, with even more warmth, and carefully put Stanley on the other side of the crib.

“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me,” she reassured them.  She doubted Filbrick would understand, and besides, this was something special for just the two of them to have.

****************

Occasionally, there would be these incidents where Ford’s telephone would ring, and whoever it was would hang up after he answered.

They didn’t happen too often; just often enough for him to notice.  Sometimes there would be more than one a week, sometimes it would be months in between calls.

But after about four months of receiving them, Ford noticed something else: that after one of these calls, he always felt an odd burst of...well, melancholy seemed like the best description.  For no apparent reason, he would just feel so incredibly sad and crushed, like it hurt that whoever it was calling didn’t want to talk to him after all, and he would have to lose himself in his research until the feeling went away.

********

Stan placed the phone back in its cradle and groaned inwardly.

Stupid stupid STUPID!

Of all the people to waste his one phone call on, he had picked the one person he wanted to talk to more than anyone else in the world, but who would have absolutely nothing good to say to him.  And then he’d just hung up as soon as he heard his voice, again. Pathetic didn’t begin to describe it.

He’d even thought about what he wanted to say this time: Ford, it’s me.  Before you get mad, please listen.  I’ve been arrested, and I need your help.

But he couldn’t get the words out.

Who was he kidding-he was thinking, what, that after all this time Ford would be suddenly willing to jump into action and give him so much as the time of day?

Stanley quietly followed the guard to his cell, gave his new cellmate his best ‘however tough you think you are, I’m a lot tougher, buddy’ glare, and didn’t say a word for the rest of the night.

****************

It had all been a lie.

Bill was a monster, and Ford, in his arrogance, had refused to listen to his only other friend’s doubts and concerns and had nearly given his ‘Muse’ exactly what he needed to come here.  He’d been taken in by his flattery and promises that he would change the world-oh, the world would be changed all right, by becoming obliterated with chaos!

And unless he could do something to stop the portal from ever being made functional again, it would be all Ford’s fault.

********

In the weeks before that postcard arrived, Stan’s thoughts were even darker than usual.

He didn’t know why, but that night kept popping up in his head-his father hurling him into the street, the door slamming shut, the curtains closing in his face.

The bitter feeling that he’d been betrayed by the one person he’d always thought he could trust, and knowing that it was his own fault didn’t make it any better.

The only thing that made it go away was seeing the words “PLEASE COME.”

****************

Stan sat apart from the campfire and stewed.

When he made one horrible, stupid mistake, the world turned him into its chew toy and he lost everything.  He had to learn to fend for himself on the streets, and spent years either alone or surrounded by people who only cared about you as long as you gave them exactly what they wanted.

When Ford, the golden boy with the extra fingers and a brain the size of a small planet, made a horrible, stupid mistake, the world gasped in horror and immediately flocked to his rescue.

What Stan did didn’t matter, he was always the screw-up who got shuffled aside because in the long run, the universe or Fate or whatever the heck it was liked Ford better.

His mood wasn’t helped by the fact under his suit he felt... itchy everywhere, like ants were crawling under his skin.  Even though he’d sprayed himself with bug repellent like three times already.

Stan sat, with a crowd of people nearby but still totally alone.

Some things never changed.

********

In the Fearamid, Ford writhed as Bill filled him with electricity for the tenth-maybe eleventh?-time, biting his lip so hard he tasted blood.  He wished, again, that he could be allowed the mercy of losing consciousness. Or, if things got any worse, maybe something stronger.

****************

It helped if he didn’t think too hard; if he just let the name of whoever he was talking to flow naturally out of his subconscious, like it had the second the pig-Waddles-jumped on him and started licking him.

He’d lost track of how long they’d been looking at the scrapbook, and the two little gremlins-his family, Dipper and Mabel-were actually on the verge of falling asleep on either side of him-no, there they went now, little heads nestling against his shoulders and snuggling into his chest.

Soos had already fallen asleep, his big warm face pillowed on the armrest, and a small ribbon of drool already sliding down his cheek.

But as tired as he was, Stan couldn’t bring himself to join them yet; there was one other person he needed to talk to and identify.

The old guy who’d hugged him out in the forest...Stan didn’t know how he knew, but he knew that this had affected him more than the others in some ways.  When they’d first reached the shack, all of them looked upset, but he looked like he'd just lost his best friend. And it was almost like Stan could feel the pain himself.

He had some idea about what their relationship was; after all, he’d seen his photo in the scrapbook, seen how closely they resembled each other.  But he’d held off on asking any specific questions so far.

The old guy was quieter than the rest of the group as they worked to start refreshing his memory, just standing next to the chair in relative silence, twiddling his thumbs on and off and looking at the scrapbook over Stan’s shoulder.  The nervousness radiating off him now was making Stan edgy too, and instead of meeting his eyes like he’d meant to he found himself looking down at the guy’s hands, clenched together on the back of the chair so hard the knuckles were turning white.

Stan unwrapped his arm from around Mabel, and before he could think about what he was doing he poked the spot where the extra fingers were.

“Cool hands,” he said aloud.  “You probably make great shadow puppets.”

The old guy visibly clenched his teeth down on his lower lip.  “You always thought so.”

“I believe it, with those six fingers-”

Stan let out a small inadvertent gasp as the words stirred something to life in his memories.

Six.

Sixer.

A flood of images, some clearer than others, flashed before his mind’s eye.  And then, slowly, hesitantly, he raised his hand, palm up, fingers spread.

“High six?”

Sixer-not his real name, but it would do for now-just leaned down and wrapped his arms tightly around Stanley’s neck, kind of like he had when he’d first ‘woken up’ in the forest, except this time he knew to reciprocate.

“High six,” Sixer whispered against his hat.

And it didn’t matter whether the happiness both of them felt was shared or just self-generated.

****************

Yes, I admit it, the ending is a little schmaltzy.  But after the emotional wringer that’s been the last forty years of their lives, I feel like they’ve earned it.

[toviitaffee]

A Beginning of a New Life

Author’s notes : Chapter two of The Magical Orphanage AU! Have fun reading!

Summary : In a world of magic, fairies and dragons, misfortune find us at every step. So how, pray tell, are the lost and abandoned supposed to live when no one else will care for them? It’s quite simple really. They can head to the Brookden Orphanage, there they will be taken in with open arms.

Virgil finds himself in a tiny predicament when he wakes up on his first proper day at the Orphanage which leads the young boy to learn a few things about his new place of residence

Pairings : Implied romantic Remile, everything else will be platonic because THEY ARE CHILDREN BETWEEN 4 AND 7

Warnings : No warnings! Just fluff! Well. Mention of Orphanages.

Word count : 2,058

AO3 Link

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That night, the same day that he remembers meeting his new friends, Virgil didn’t find himself sleeping in the room he initially woke up in. He learned that it was Remy and Emile’s room and he was only there because both adults were too worried to have him anywhere else in the house. Instead, Virgil was sleeping in one of the four other rooms reserved specifically for the children at the orphanage. Patton referred to is as the younger boys’ room and all three of his new friends were also there along with three other boys Virgil hadn’t yet met. There were a lot of children there that Virgil had yet to meet. If he had to be honest, he was surprised that this place functioned as well as it seemed with only two adults. One of which claimed to be a disaster at taking care of children.

The point was, the next day, Virgil once again woke up in confusion as he woke up in an unfamiliar room. Sure, he was told about sleeping there over dinner the previous night but he hasn’t actually been in the room. He fell asleep in the common space that he, Logan, Patton and Roman have been occupying once again before it was bedtime. The only blessing was that their room was bright as soon as he woke up. Or bright enough at least. It seemed that it was still early morning, as some colours were much too dull for it to suggest the sun was fully past its rise. Despite the early hour, Virgil knew he would not go back to sleep again. He slept quite enough in the last day. Yet, he didn’t exactly know what to do with himself. Everyone else in the room seemed to be still sleeping and Virgil wasn’t about to wake anyone up just because he didn’t know what to do.

The boy ended up laying in his new bed for what seemed like hours. Still, not a soul in the room so much as stirred. Even the sun looked as if it hadn’t moved even an inch from the last time Virgil managed to get an idea as to where it is. This was taking too long. He couldn’t just stay in bed for much longer. No, the time would definitely go too slow for his liking. Besides, he really needed a drink. He’d been told that if he ever needed one, he should just go down to the kitchen and ask for one but would anyone else be awake to help with that? There was only one way to find out and that is exactly what Virgil did.

It was surprisingly easy to slide out of the bed, make his way to the door and slip out of the room with making as little noise as humanly possible. Virgil immediately decided that he liked how stealthy he was. The house was bright enough for the boy to make out most of the shapes and some of the colour but it was by no means bright. A small, anxious part of the boy’s brain screamed at Virgil to turn back to the bed, however he already made it this far, might as well go all the way.

Virgil’s quiet steps were a bit more hurried in the hallways of the house as he made his way down the stairs and in the direction of the kitchen. Still, no noise betrayed if anyone else in the house was also up and about. He made it to the door with no issues and took a deep breath before slowly pushing the heavy wood forward. At first, Virgil only poked his head through the gap to scan the kitchen for anything. The kitchen may have been empty but the door to the cellar was open. That meant that it was either foolishly left open the previous night or someone was in fact awake. The boy slid fully into the room and headed for the small table. He climbed up onto one of the chairs and decided to wait for someone to show up. It’s not like he knew where to get that drink anyway.

It wasn’t more than a few seconds when a quiet voice startled the young boy. “And what do we have here, hmm? One of the little kids up so early? Girl, you should still be napping upstairs,” the voice that Virgil recognised to be Remy’s spoke. Remy had a ‘peculiar diction’ as Logan said but Virgil didn’t really have any trouble understanding what the adult ment either way.

“I just woke up,” Virgil said with a shrug of his shoulders. “I guess I slept a lot yesterday so I didn’t need as much now. Can I have a drink, please?” The boy added for clarification, tagging on the request as more of an afterthought than anything else. Remy smiled at the child, messing up his already messy hair before busying himself with the cabinets as Virgil watched, small hands attempting to soothe the bird’s nest on his head into something that actually resembles human hair.

“Makes complete sense if you ask me,” Remy said, placing a mug filled with some water in front of Virgil while he himself leaned onto the table. “You slept well?” The man added after a while when the child had a chance to sip on the water enough to satisfy his thirst. The boy merely nodded, keeping his hands wrapped around his cup.

“That’s great. Now, I should probably like, explain the whole orphanage thing that me and Emile do here. So, I will do that but you hold off the questions until the end, you got me?” Remy asked, moving between the kitchen counter and back to the table. This time, he had a drink of his own. One that Virgil had no idea what it was. But the boy nodded regardless to show he understood the words and that he wouldn’t ask questions before Remy was finished telling the story.

“Great! So, the start huh? Well, first thing first, this ain’t a normal orphanage. Or, well. It is but it isn’t,” the man began with his explanations, almost already losing Virgil with the first sentence. “We work mostly like a normal orphanage but the kids that end up here usually have some sort of magical ability. Not many usual places for kids will take in young mages. They say it’s like, risky or something? I don’t know and don’t get them anyways. Either way, basically every kid here has magic. Except Logan, but the non mages all think his genius is too weird for it not to be magic related so he stays with us. He’s better off here than with those idiots across the town anyway. That’s simple enough to understand, yeah? Me and Emile just raise the magical kids to not wreck complete havoc with their powers,” Remy said, finishing with a deep breath and an eye roll that Virgil just managed to catch from behind the slightly lowered glasses.

“Does that mean that you and Mr. Emile also have magic?” Virgil said, voicing the first question that popped into his head. He had many despite the easily understandable concept that Remy described.

“Yeah we do! Someone with no magic would be useless at teaching something they don’t understand. We have to have magic to help the kids understand themselves, duh,” Remy answered with a half amused half deadpan voice. It was an odd combination of tones, something that Virgil didn’t know if anyone else but Remy could pull off.

“Well. If I’m here, does that mean I’m magic?” Virgil asked, tilting his head to the side as he stared down at the little bit of water that remained in his cup that was still held in between his hands.

“I don’t know, are you?” Remy replied, raising an eyebrow as he watched the young boy besides him. Virgil could only shrug. So much of his knowledge of himself was missing. It made him frustrated, so much so that he began to squeeze the cup as a subconscious action. His brows furrowed.

“I know that when others use magic it feels warm, like when Mr. Emile did when I first woke up or when Patton did when we were playing,” Virgil muttered, still focusing on the cup and the drink inside it. Remy hummed in response, taking a sip of his mysterious drink before he sighed in satisfaction.

“Well you probably came in contact with magic before then, as for Patton, the poor kid still needs to figure out how to control his magic without it bursting out. At least it’s harmless as long as its happy emotions and not… anything negative,” Remy mumbled. He seemed to be talking more to himself than Virgil at that point but the boy still heard every word. All that followed for the next couple of minutes was silence as Remy finished his drink and Virgil messed around a little with his mug without actually risking breaking it. The silence between the two was only lifted when two new figures appeared at the door.

“There you are Virge! Wow it’s so weird having another kid wake up before me. It’s usually just me up out of the kiddos at this hour. You’d think Logan would be an early riser too but no, he sleeps until later because he always stays up doing his scholar stuff that no one else really gets. Roman and the rest of the younger kids are always really tired after playing so they sleep a lot. And the older kids always sleep in as much as they can because they have to do all this learning about magic and all the mage professions and stuff! Say, do you want to help us make breakfast? I always help out but I’m sure Emile and Remy won’t mind another helping hand! Or two!” Patton jumped into conversation the second he saw Virgil in the kitchen. His hands were all over the place, talking just as much with the gestures as he did with his rushed and excited voice. The other person that walked in, Emile, simply smiled kindly at the two boys before moving off to talk to Remy about one thing or another. Whatever they were talking about, they did so quietly as to not let the children hear.

“Umm, I don’t think I usually wake up this early but I can’t really tell. And I’d love to help out, if I can,” Virgil replied with a small smile spreading onto his features. He could once again feel the excitement that wasn’t quite his and for the first time Virgil recognised that it was due to Patton. Or rather, Patton’s magic. The younger boy wasn’t quite sure of the full extent of Patton’s ability was but it seemed to be a kind of empathy ability. Something along the lines of sharing his own emotions with the people around him.

“Patton, I’m glad you’re excited to train a new kitchen staff member if he so chooses but please try and remember to keep your magic under control sweetheart, alright?” Emile said with a grin as he turned towards the two boys. “Now, how do pancakes sound for today’s breakfast?” The cheerful man added, kneeling in front of the boys as Remy was once again going through the cupboards before disappearing back into the cellar for some extra ingredients. The boys both nodded, each one with a smile gracing their youthful features.

And so the chaos in the kitchen began. Remy and Emile were monitoring the stove, knowing that the young boys, especially Virgil, could accidentally cause harm to themselves with it. Virgil and Patton were making sure there was enough batter to make enough pancakes for everyone. They were all covered in flour and small splatters of the gooey substance as a result of a small war that broke out on accident. Virgil was totally the winner of that one, remaining the cleanest while also having a surprisingly good aim for a four year old. After over an hour, the group of four was giggling over the finished pancakes, ready to serve them to the other children and start a new day. And for Virgil? Oh he was completely ready to begin a new life.

[districtofthehare]

The Science of Magick: Implicate Order

“What is, is always a totality of ensembles, all present together, in an orderly series of stages of enfoldment and unfoldment, which intermingle and interpenetrate each other in principle throughout the whole of space.” David Bohm

Spooky Action at a Distance

In the 80s, theoretical physicists first observed the paradoxical behavior of subatomic particles known as quantum entanglement, or “spooky action at a distance” as Einstein called it.  This phenomenon has been observed whereby the properties (quantum states) of a set of particles will never be independent of each other, regardless of distance, after they have interacted. This observation would be like taking a set of twins, dying one’s hair black, and then discovering that regardless of where the twins were located, the other’s hair turned black instantaneously as well. Spooky! This property of non-locality could not be explained by the current theory of quantum mechanics, so many physicists proposed their own respective models to explain the observations.

The theory of implicate order, and its counterpart explicate order, were detailed by physicist David Bohm in his book Wholeness and Implicate Order in 1980. Implicate order theory provides a model of the universe as an “unbroken wholeness of the totality of existence as an undivided flowing movement without borders" in which space and time as we observe them are merely derivatives (unfolded, explicate order) of the deeper reality. It sounds complex, but Bohm provides an illustrative example:

Imagine a fish in a tank with two separate cameras recording from two separate angles and projecting onto two separate screens. Now imagine you can only see the tv screens and not the actual fish; two 2D models (explicate orders) of a 3D objective reality (implicate order). By observing only the 2D models, one can discern that the “two” fish are somehow interrelated: when the fish on screen A moves 90 degrees, so does the fish on screen B, etc. It is not that one screen is causing the changes on the other screen, just that all of the image content on one screen correlates with the other.

If we scale up the fish example to our observed universe, we might say that our 3D world defined by space and time is merely a lower dimensional model of a higher dimensional reality ie. the implicate order. What if the twins were never really twins? The “two” particles we compare in the quantum entanglement experiments may simply be an artifact of how our current explicate reality has temporarily unfolded, leaving us looking at one deeper reality on two screens.

The Quantum Observer Effect

Along with observations regarding quantum entanglement came other observations about... well... observation itself. The classic example of this is the double-slit experiment, in which single photons are allowed to pass through two parallel slits in a screen and the resulting pattern formed is recorded. This experiment is best known for its conclusion of the particle-wave duality of light:

“Sending particles through a double-slit apparatus one at a time results in single particles appearing on the screen, as expected. Remarkably, however, an interference pattern emerges when these particles are allowed to build up one by one.” The Fabric of the Cosmos, Brian Greene

When behaving as waves, single photons simultaneously pass through both both slits and then meet again (interfere) at the other side of the barrier. 

In one variation of this experiment, conducted by the Weizmann Institute of Science in 1998, researchers built a tiny detector which was able to observe which one of the two slits the particle went through. And here’s where things get interesting for us (my emphasis added)...

“Once an observer begins to watch the particles going through the openings, the picture changes dramatically: if a particle can be seen going through one opening, then it's clear it didn't go through another. In other words, when under observation, electrons are being "forced" to behave like particles and not like waves. Thus the mere act of observation affects the experimental findings.”  Source 

By observing the photons as they pass through the two slits, we are forcing the collapse of the wave function itself, turning a wave of probability into a point of certainty.

Holonomic Brain Theory

When we combine David Bohm’s Implicate Order and the nature of wave interference patterns, we come to Holonomic Brain theory of quantum consciousness developed in collaboration between Bohm and neuroscientist Karl Pribram. As opposed to Conscious Mental Field theory, which I discussed in my previous Science of Magick post here, Holonomic Brain theory models the brain as a holographic storage network. In this framework, the non-locality of memory is viewed as an inherent property of the system, since all parts of a hologram contain the whole of the stored information.

“Holography relies upon wave interference. If two wavelengths of light are of differing frequencies, they will interfere with each other and create a pattern... The hologram illustrates how “information about the entire holographed scene is enfolded into every part of the film.” It resembles the Implicate Order in the sense that every point on the film is “completely determined by the overall configuration of the interference patterns.” Even a tiny chunk of the holographic film will reveal the unfolded form of an entire three-dimensional object. Source

In essence, this theory proposes that the totality of human consciousness is enfolded into a neural hologram, making it a sub-implicate order of reality.  In fact, Bohm posits that there are infinite sub- and super-implicate orders, where higher orders organize lower orders and are also influenced by them. 

To summarize the main conclusions under these frameworks thus far:

1. Implicate Order is a hidden, all-encompassing, higher-dimensional reality which we observe only through a lower-dimensional projection (explicate order) dependent on space and time.

2. Events that are observed can be changed by the act of observation. In choosing to observe one possible quantum state, the observer defines it as such. (It’s our choices, Harry....)

3. Consciousness exists as a sub-implicate order, which is organized by and exerts influence on super-implicate orders.

Conclusions for Chaotes

Implicate Order provides a mechanism for magick. The basic definition of magick within the Chaos paradigm is the act of imposing one’s will on reality, ie. using your mind to create change in the world around you. Sorcery is performed using visualization techniques to focus the subconscious mind on a desired outcome, such as in Austin Osman Spare’s sigil methods. The practitioner, in an altered state of consciousness, visualizes the reality they desire and manifests it into reality.  Using the frameworks we have discussed, we can translate this definition into the following statement: Magick is the practice of defining a certain state of reality by encoding observational information within the sub-implicate order of consciousness which is then decoded within the Implicate Order and manifested in the explicate order of our observed reality.

It is interesting to note that David Bohm himself experienced a paradigm shift during his career. The results from his own work lead Bohm down a rabbit hole into the realms of spiritualism and philosophy, which drew criticism from his contemporaries regarding his reputation as a physicist. However, as a chemist and a chaos witch, I find his embrace of the overlap between hard-science and metaphysics relatable and inspiring.

“Consciousness is much more of the implicate order than is matter... Yet at a deeper level [matter and consciousness] are actually inseparable and interwoven, just as in the computer game the player and the screen are united by participation.” David Bohm

[meditationadvise]

10 Powerful Reasons To Practice Pranayama

Pranayama — most just translated, it means the extension of breath.

It is arguably the most powerful force in the cosmos, because the fact that it is the one thing we actually need to survive.

Yet although that breath is one of the most vital as well as effective pressure we know, we pay extremely little interest to it.

Consider for a minute the all-natural implications of utilizing the power of the most crucial component known to humanity.

I 'd claim that seems very essential. Life transforming, in fact.

Learning to become aware of our breath, control your breath, and maximize our breath has the prospective to recover our bodies along with provide supreme health to our mind, body as well as soul.

What is Pranayama?

This Sanskrit word could be damaged down into“Prana” and “Ayama”. "Prana" means life force while "ayama" means to extend.

Although this method could appear intimidating and complicated, it can be broken down just to suggest the art of discovering how to extend your vital force with breath.

Some take into consideration Pranayama as the supreme web link between the subconscious and also the conscious -- considering that the diaphragm is both a volunteer and an uncontrolled organ.

One of the greatest objectives of practicing yoga is to drop light on the subconscious in order to produce a much more linked self.

It would certainly make good sense, then, that finding out to harness this force that's so important to the nature of yoga exercise itself would certainly produce fantastic advancements in your practice, along with your total wellness.

But how does practicing pranayama really cause such extensive wellness renovations? These 10 effective reasons to exercise pranayama will present you to the life-altering advantages of the practice.

1. Stress less

We can thank our autonomic nervous system for the way we reply to threatening situations. The free nerves is made up of two parts: the parasympathetic system and the sympathetic system.

You can consider the parasympathetic system as what causes us to relax while the supportive system is just what involves our "fight or flight" response.

In today's society, we normally have an issue with over promoting the supportive system, also known as we obtain stressed much also typically. Stress is known to bring about a host of diseases and also body discomforts, a few of which are also life threatening.

While stimulation of the understanding system at the correct time can conserve our lives from unsafe scenarios, overstimulation can cause unbelievably dangerous effects on our health.

It is understood that regular method of pranayama exercisesincreases parasympathetic tone, and decreases sympathetic activity.

Pranayama relaxes you-- which is far more useful compared to just a feel-good ambiance. For most of us, we do not stimulate our parasympathetic systems nearly enough.

Consistent technique of pranayama is thought to restructure your free nerves, so that you are involving your parasympathetic system in stability with your thoughtful system.

In short-- tension much less, loosen up more as well as be healthy.

2. Improved digestion

Could routinely practicing pranayama breathing methods result in improved digestion?

Believe it or otherwise, yes! When we involve the full scope of our diaphragm-- reduced, middle, and top components-- each inhale as well as exhale triggers the diaphragm to move up and also down.

The organs situated in our abdominal area delicately relocate along with our diaphragm, creating them to naturally move versus each other.

The linking ligaments and fascia, along with any type of food or liquid within the body organs, slosh and sway in a way that advertises overall organ health and wellness and also effectiveness.

Prolonged durations of sitting hunched over effectively pinches our abdomen, triggering our breath ahead mainly from the middle as well as upper components of our diaphragm while the lower location is not used to its full potential -- prohibiting that natural organ activity from taking place.

This is one factor that it is vital to continue to be in a correct pose throughout all pranayama technique. You must sit with a straight spinal column and neck that in line. Sitting properly will engage the lower area of your diaphragm to ensure that each pranayama technique can have its complete effect.

3. Cleanses tissue

We have about 2 gallons of fluid in our body-- referred to as "interstitial liquid"-- relocating easily around our vessels, body organs, and cells.

Pranayama raises the rate of these liquids moving with the cells of our body which creates an alternating "saturating as well as wringing" effect.

This cleanses our cells, while raising the quantity of nutrients absorbed and also furthering the cleansing process of the lymphatic system.

4. Cleanses lungs

Additionally, pranayama cleanses out our lungs, in that it empties the lower area of our lungs completely.

Gravity often tends to pull product to the base of nearly all things, where it can develop up to create damaging impacts. The exact same could take place to your lungs when the bottom area is not being cleared and also "cleansed" so to speak.

Pranayama triggers the construct up product to be released from this lower location of your lungs, loading it with fresh nutrients to enhance the features of your lung overall.

5. Improved lymphatic system

The lymphatic system is a essential part of our immune system.

Lymphatic vessels lug a liquid called lymph towards our hearts. Thislymph fluid contains leukocyte, as well as distributes with our body, draining the interstitial fluid where cells have dumped their waste and also various other toxins have developed up.

When our lymphatic system is not operating appropriately, these toxins could gather causing us to really feel tight, puffy, as well as heavy.

As lymph liquid grabs waste, it cleanses this "in-between" of your cells and also organs and also brings the fluid back to your blood circulation system.

The lymphatic system does not have a pump where it could maintain the circulation of lymph liquid, and therefore relies heavily on body language. This is one factor why yoga exercise spins, inversions, and positions could be so helpful to the lymphatic system.

Additionally, the deep breathing practices of pranayama can affect the motion of your body organs, as we spoke about previously, successfully coming to be the required pump to your lymphatic system.

6. A glowing complexion

When you exercise pranayama, your breathing ends up being much more effective. This offers your body anextra pump of oxygen which leaves your skin with a normally brilliant, healthy and balanced glow.

7. Reduces depression

Because pranayama substantially reduces stress and anxiety, cleanses your inner systems, develops an extra "connected" feeling of self, and causes a much healthier body, it can additionally minimize depression.

By decreasing depression aggravators like stress and anxiety and fatigue, you could see an overall enhancement in your emotional health.

8. Produces a steady and regulated mind

Additionally, pranayama teaches your mind to concentrate and brings your focus back to one of the most vital part of who you are: your breath.

Regularly practicing pranayama will certainly transform the way your mind thinks and responds to world, bringing regarding a stable as well as kicked back mind.

9. Live a longer life

" For breath is life, as well as if you breathe well you will certainly live long on the planet."-- Sanskrit proverb

It's real that the boosted wellness benefits caused by the regular method of pranayama may lead to a longer life.

Your breath is the one point that you should make it through, consequently it plays a necessary duty to the proper performance of your body.

When you learn how to master the breath, the overall wellness of your body will enhance significantly.

Additionally, pranayama combats the lethal effects connected with stress as well as developed up toxins.

10. Aids in weight loss

For lots of, struggles with weight could be triggered simply from a busy lifestyle where little time is provided to think of the ramifications of our eating habits, as well as our bodies state of true appetite is covered up by monotony or stress.

Controlling stress will reduce stress-eating, and reducing to end up being self-aware and thoughtful will certainly urge your mind to consider what foods are best for the body, and plan ahead to avoid fast-food stops.

Furthermore, several pranayama strategies have actually been shown to actually burn fatfrom the abdominal area, lower blood pressure, increase the function of the thyroid gland, and increase metabolism.

Now that you're thrilled to start practicing pranayama, let's get started! These 3 techniques are basic means to begin. Remember to exercise consistently to see the finest results.

One-to-one breathing

One-to-one breathing is specifically like it appears. Bring your inhale to match your exhale in both intensity as well as length.This will certainly soothe an auto racing mind, and also bring your heartbeat back to normal.

Begin in either a comfy seatsing position or putting down. Inhale deeply, filling your entire diaphragm. Breathe out deeply, getting rid of the air completely out.

Focus on bringing your inhale size to match your exhale size. You can do this by counting the size of your inhale as well as matching it to your exhale.

Alternate nostril breathing

It is all-natural for our nostrils tobreathe a lot more dominantly with the left or appropriate side at any type of offered point. Alternative nostril breathing is among the pranayama techniques that will cause greater psychological quality as you involve both nostrils.

Begin by being in a comfy position,easy posture, lotus, etc., with a straight back as well as aligned neck.

Press your right nostril closed with your right thumb.

Inhale deeply with your left nostril.

Press your left nostril gathered your right ring finger.

Exhale deeplythrough your right nostril.

Keeping your left nostril shut, inhale with your right nostril.

Close your right nostril, as well as breathe out through your left nostril.

Keeping your right nostril closed, breathe in with your left nostril, and exhale with your right.

You've completed a full cycle of Alternative Nostril Breathing!

Repeat this cycle ten times.

As you feel extra comfy below, start to hold the breath between changing nostrils. Do not require on your own here, yet instead, naturally hold the breath for a couple of secs as feels right to you.

One variation to Alternating Nostril Breathing would certainly be to shut your right nostril, and also inhale as well as exhale deeply through your left nostril 5 times. Currently shut your left nostril and breathe in and exhale deeply via your right nostril 5 times. Repeat this entire cycle 3 times.

Breath of fire

Breath of Fire is an effective strategy known tohelp you gain back control, keep negative power out, offer you greater satisfaction, and also bring about a much deeper link with your inner self.

Quick Tip: Your inhale and breathe out must be of equal length as well as you need to not feel as if you are becoming dizzy while practicing this technique.

Begin by sitting upright with a straight spine and neck. Beginning by taking a breath typically, with one hand placed over your navel. Notice the method your belly expands as well as gets with each breath.

Take short inhales as well as launch short exhales. There need to not be a time out between the inhales and breathes out, yet they ought to be fast and equivalent to each other in length.

Use your hand on your abdomen to really feel if you are doing the breath correctly.

You must inhale when your tummy expands.

Think of your navel being pumped back into your spinal column on the exhale.

Continue this pattern for 2-- 3 minutes.

Tips for an utmost pranayama practice

The finest time to practice is early morning, right after you wake up.

It is best to exercise on a vacant stomach.

Go outdoors, where you can obtain fresh air.

Give at least an hour between practicing Pranayama and eating.

Make sure your back and neck are straight as well as in line. A bad posture will stop you from experience the complete degree of pranayama.

Pranayama is centered around the art and scientific research of expanding your life pressure with breathing techniques.

Learning to master your breath will profit your mind, body, and soul.

Remember, consistency is key!Practice day-to-day to begin establishing pranayama right into a lifelong behavior as well as watch the means it transforms your life.

Do you practice pranayama? Which breathing workouts do you practice for ideal wellbeing?

For more Yoga exercise motivation, take a look at the blog site of Zenward, The Institution of True Yoga. If you're trying to find to begin or proceed on your yoga exercise journey anytime, anywhere, find even more here.

[weightmanagementfremont-blog]

weight management

Your Basic Recap to Obtaining Aid from a Weight Loss Clinic in Fremont CA

Yes, we can spend our days looking for the outright finest formula to drop some weight, yet the fact is that there's no information recommends to do it, yet it's sensible, and furthermore it's a great deal even more within than you ever before believed. There is still time for managing your body along with consent you be better, you just call for to develop where to start. This is why a common recap for weight management can be a great show start your journey, which, enable us notify you, it will definitely not be severe, neither unwanted. Below are some standard pointers that will effectively present you to the world of weight-loss, ideas that a clinically monitored weight administration program in Fremont, CA will likely furthermore show to you.

1. Bid Farewell to Sugars in addition to Starches

You would absolutely marvel exactly simply precisely simply how trusted it is to just decrease on sugars and additionally similarly starches-- or carbs. This is a common activity to call for to begin soaking up healthier in addition to lower weight. You'll see that as quickly as you do this, your yearnings degrees will decrease, along with likewise in the meantime, you will certainly be consuming a large quantity a great deal less calories. By biding au revoir to sugar, you would most definitely furthermore minimized your insulin degrees; this therapy will certainly most certainly develop your kidneys to eliminate the undesirable of salt, along with acquiring water out of your body, which will absolutely decrease bloatedness together with water weight. Both body fat as well as water weight will absolutely reduce in the first week (5 to 10 extra pounds).

2. Healthy and also balanced and also well balanced healthy protein + Fat + Veggies

This formula will absolutely aid you have a well balanced dish along with life. Each of your dishes require to include a healthy and also balanced in addition to well balanced as well as well balanced healthy protein source, a fat resource, in addition to low-carb veggies. If you create your dishes with this formula, you'll quickly have the suitable carb intake you call for throughout the day, which continues to be in between the 20-50 grams daily.

The healthy and balanced and also balanced along with well balanced healthy protein resources can be meat-- beef, chicken, pork, lamb--, or fish in addition to fish in addition to shellfish-- salmon, trout, shrimp, etc--. Eggs with the yolk continue to be in enhancement a superb resource of healthy and balanced as well as also well balanced healthy protein. You could examine why the world is so stressed with healthy as well as well balanced healthy proteins, along with the activities is that it has actually really been divulged to improve metabolic procedure, a minimum of by 80 to 100 calories daily. Slimming down can not function without its king of nutrients, which's healthy as well as well balanced along with well balanced healthy protein.

If you're on a high-protein diet plan regimen, it recommends you are decreasing food needs, in addition to all those uncontrollable ideas concerning food. If you maintain a safe as well as also secure as well as safe and secure healthy and balanced and also well balanced healthy and balanced protein intake, you can disregard late-night snacking undoubtedly.

Eat Low-Carb Veggies

All veggies are an exceptional source of nutrients, yet when attempting to reduced weight, you better stay to be with those that are low-carb. A few of the low-carb veggies you are free to eat throughout your treatment of dropping weight are:

·         Broccoli

·         Cauliflower

·         Spinach

·         Tomatoes

·         Kale

·         Brussels sprouts

·         Cabbage

·         Lettuce

·         Cucumber

 These veggies are important, as you can consume as much of these low-carb veggies you like. Stay with the meat along with vegetable diet program method program, along with you'll be eating an extraordinary amount of fiber, including all the minerals along with vitamins you require to have a healthy and balanced as well as additionally well balanced and also well balanced in addition to also well balanced lifestyle.

Currently, What Pertaining To the Fat?

Fat resources originate from oil, you can consume 2 or 3 dishes a day, in addition to additionally you can prepare them with olive oil, coconut oil, avocado oil, along with additionally butter. Generally, prepare these 3 elements perfect right into your recipes in addition to you'll be above cost.

 Lift Weights or Do Cardio

If you start eating much better under the abovementioned difficulties, afterwards you might not require to do exercise, yet still, it is incredibly advised, as it will certainly simply make you really feel better with your setups in addition to in a similar way your subconscious. If you are considering what routines function best, after that the comments is elevating weights (3-4 times a week), with exercise contained, absolutely. Raising weights will definitely help you thaw large quantities of calories together with to keep a safe and secure as well as likewise secured metabolic cost. Can not increase weights? Then do cardio workouts, such as walking, running, cycling, running, or swimming.

Dupe Day (Optional).

If you have actually been doubting rip-off days, afterwards you ask for to identify that you can have it, yet it's not a necessary task. You can take undoubtedly a week to consume far more carbs. However, you call for to comply with healthy and balanced and also well balanced and in addition balanced carbohydrates, such as oats, rice, potatoes, and so on. Fraudulence day dishes are trivial, however if you consume them definitely a week, it may help you improve the fat-burning hormone associates-- leptin, thyroid hormone representative reps.

That's the requirement along with conventional evaluation to a much healthier you, yet you can avoid this without some fast references you require to make use of in the middle of everything.

Quick standards for helping you drop weight

 High-protein     breakfast

Soluble     fiber 

No     sugary drinks or fruit juice

Drinking     water half an hour before every meal

Eat     whole and unprocessed foods

Drink     coffee or tea

Weigh     yourself every day

Eat     slowly or practice mindful eating

Sleep     well 

Try     to find a weight-loss program in Fremont, CA..

  On a regular basis Remember

 If you have a specialist difficulty, you need to talk with your doctor prior to making changes in your weight reduction along with furthermore its compatibility with medication. Making changes in the intake of carbs in addition to insulin degrees can modify the hormone depictive setup, so you require to all settled with that.

 Are you searching for a weight loss clinic in Fremont, CA? You can often try to explore the most reputable clinical weight decline in Fremont, CA if you feel you require a small push for a far better nutritional program. Exercising the basic testimonial to weight reduction and consulting it with a specialist could be simply what you need!

RenewMD

210 Fremont Hub Courtyard, Fremont, CA 94538 (510) 744-1582 carefremont@gmail.com https://renewmdwellness.com/

[manifestationpdf10-blog]

Specifically how To use The Law Of Attraction Comprehensive

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[proxylynn]

UNDERFELL: FILE NAME NOT EDGY ENOUGH part #5

Chapter 5: Mercy WARNING: I WANT NO RESPONSIBILITY OVER SPOILING THINGS FOR OTHERS. THAT BEING SAID, THIS IS HOW FILE NAME NOT FOUND WOULD FUNCTION IN THE AU OF UNDERFELL. BEFORE YOU READ THIS, UNLIKE THE NICE TIME OF UNDERTALE, THIS WORLD IS KILL OR BE KILLED. THIS STORY WILL BE GRAPHIC, GORY, USE SWEARS LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS, AND DEAL WITH SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTERS. FOR EXAMPLE, THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE READ THE FILE NAME RELOCATED SPOOF WILL KNOW HOW I PICTURE THIS VERSION OF LYNSIE COMING TO THE UNDERGROUND. IT IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING DUMB. IT IS BECAUSE SHE CHOOSES TO END HER LIFE. SO TAKE THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. I MADE IT BECAUSE I NEEDED TO LET SOME OF THIS EDGINESS OUT OF MYSELF. WHICH I GUESS MAKES UNDERFELL LYNSIE EVEN MORE TRUE TO WHO I REALLY AM. ANYWAY, ENJOY. ^_^ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Time passes here in the Underground with no notice. I'm not sure what is a day or night from down here. Though my iPod has a watch function, I'm not sure if I'm able to trust it after drying it out. There's no internet signal for it to sync up with, so I don't know if the time it tells me if what it really is or just the continuation from when it got waterlogged. I'm just grateful it still works. Would've hated to lose all my tunes. Does suck I can't get a radio signal either, but you win some and lose some sometimes. Flowey has been helpful in adjusting to how things work down here. He's a real treasure trove of things. He tells me ways of improving my stats because apparently, I'm super weak by monster standards. Every being, humans, and monster, has a set of basic stats. HP. ATK. DEF. LV. EXP. HP is the level of Endurance that determines the damage a person can take before dying. My maximum HP is at 20 and, what Flowey tells me, will only increase when my LV does. Resting will fully heal and raise HP 10 points above its maximum amount. HP can also be restored through consumable items like food and drinks. An attack hitting the receiving party lowers their HP. The loss is dependent on the attacking party's ATK and that of the receipt's DEF. Upon reaching 0 HP, that's it, you die. It doesn't matter if you're human or monster. There's no coming back when your number is up. ATK determines the damage output of the attacking party. My base ATK is 10 and, like with the HP, can also increase with LV. But that's not the only way. Equipping a weapon can raise ATK, as well as certain ACTs or consumables but that's only a temporary thing. When ATK is high enough, one can spare an opponent without needing to use the ACT button. This rule is true even of monsters that have a non-traditional sparing method. DEF determines the damage input for the defending party. My base DEF is 10, and again, can increase with LV or equipping armor type items such as the ribbon in my hair. Just like with ATK, can be changed temporarily with certain ACTs or consumables. DEF is subtracted from the damage output of the attacking party. However, it cannot lower the taken damage to a value less than 1. LV increases HP, ATK, and DEF when it rises. All humans and monsters start at LV 1 and can raise it as high as 20 or so Flowey assumes, he's unsure if it can exceed this amount or not. And of course, EXP is gained by killing. When you accumulate enough EXP, your LV increases. So in a way, it is like experience points...for murder. However, there are other stats that one doesn't outright see when in the midst of a fight. INV is for Invulnerability. This determines the number of moments an attack cannot hurt the victim after they receive a hit. It is a hidden stat that apparently can only increase through certain Armor items. SPEED, as the name implies, determines the velocity someone can move at while in a fight. It is a hidden stat that can temporarily increase with certain ACTs and consumables. Lastly, the creepiest one of them all...MDR, or better known as Murder Level. It is an entirely internal statistic that tracks the progress of death when someone kills. This stat begins at 0 because no one can knowingly kill at birth. So in that aspect, it shares a similar trait with LV. Knowing this, I now have some tough choices to make. I still don't intend to kill, so that means I'll gain no EXP and my LV will remain at 1, thus I'll remain weak compared to everyone else. Nothing but LV will increase my HP and that sucks big time. So this means I'll need to increase my DEF so that the damage I do take isn't as strong as it should be. I'll need to find these Armor items or in the very least train my ass off to increase my SPEED. Because you can't hit what can't be caught. Toriel has also been one I try to learn from, all be it with caution. I tend to go about this like child since she sees me as one. I go to her bookcase, select a book, read it, then pretend to not understand so she'll read it to me, and then ask her about it while also sliding in other off-topic questions along the lines of things I do want to know. Of course, I do mix this tactic up every now and again. Otherwise, it would become too obvious what I'm doing. When not trying to prob her mind, I get a feel for Toriel as a person. And yes, I know that came out dirtier than intended, but fuck you for thinking about it. Toriel is a, for lack of better words, a decent cook. When it comes to sweets, she's epic. Other things, not so much. Also, she has this unusual appetite for eating slugs or snails if she can't find any slugs. While she doesn't try to shove them down my throat, watching her eat them makes my stomach twist to the point it gets hard to eat. Toriel is rather intelligent when not touched with moments of madness. This side of her actually backfired on me. Believing my inquisitiveness to be a cry out for teaching, she now schools me with a curriculum she's had prepared for just such a reason. There is a good thing to this though, as it imbues Toriel with more trust in me. This trusting faith allows me to venture around without her needing to watch over me or allow me a certain distance away past the big tree. But you might be wondering how she keeps tabs on me if she can't visibly see me. Simple...She gave me a cell phone. It's a really old thing that probably fell down here, it's clearly seen better days as the body and tiny screen are cracked, but it still works. I've also taken it upon myself to give her a nickname, Nanny. Get it? Because nanny is another way of saying female goat. No? At least she thinks it's funny. But yeah, now my days are amuck with class time with teacher Toriel and workout training with Flowey. The training is both worth it and yet not really. On the plus side, my stats do increase. The negative side, the rate at which my stats increase is bullshit. In the amount of time of what feels like a week, my base stats of HP 20, ATK 10, and DEF 10 increase by a total of 6 points. HP 24, ATK 12, and DEF 10. Flowey does tell me that DEF will increase over time, but at a much slower rate than the other two. He estimates along the line of about four weeks of training will equal enough effort to better my DEF. So think about that for a second. Four weeks to get a single point on my DEF stat while HP and ATK keep increasing? I know right? You'd think they'd be more evenly gained. But no! Argh...There's gotta be a better way that won't take so long. Maybe if I work out a bit before bed, add in some extra hours by cutting down on other things? Fuck it! Math was never my forte. Today I feel lazy. I don't feel like doing anything. But sleeping all day wouldn't be a thing I could do because Flowey would bitch at me and then Toriel would nag me. So I stare aimlessly in thought into the fireplace. More freaky shit's been popping up in my life. There's the voice that whispers in my ear at random with even more random things to say. Like, I walked out of the bathroom the other day and stopped to check myself in the hallway's mirror. No more than a couple seconds in did that voice chime in. {It's you!} Freaked me out a bit. Now when I go near it, it says something else. {Still you, Lynsie.} Cocky little shit. If I ever see what is making that voice, I'm gonna beat some manners into it. I know it's not Napstablook at least. After some time, the ghost was willing to come see me again. Had to apologize out the ass for making him so uncomfortable last time. Though he's not without his moments for making me uncomfortable either. Often times I can't get to sleep due to my random insomnia and I'll find him watching me from across the room. He plays it off as he's only doing what I asked, for him to watch over me, but I really should've been more specific. Because the creepy part is not knowing for how long he watches or where he watches me at. I mean, I like the guy, but I really don't need to think a ghost is watching me shower. I just don't. At least Blook-man isn't a jerk like the weirdo that sometimes pops up in my dreams. That creepy voice is beginning to sound more clear the more I dream about it. I haven't seen where or what makes this voice, but the clearer it gets, the more this dude sounds like he's got a big stick up his annoyed ass. Yet I know the inevitable is coming. Soon I'll end up seeing who this condescending creep is. I dread that moment. My dreams are not under my control anymore. This voice is forcing me to interact with it and that makes my blood run cold. I can't control my subconscious. I can't stop these moments from happening. I can't do anything! I'm not in control anymore! What is ̡hap̴pe͞ning ̨t͘ò m̵e͝?͏!̷ "My child? Is everything all right?" Toriel's been sitting in her chair and reading for a couple hours now. Flowey's taking a nap in our room. "I'm fine, Nanny." "Are you sure? You've been awfully silent for a long time." "I'm fine, Nanny." She frowns as I try to clear my head of all this madness. "Um, I want you to know how glad I am to have you here. There are so many old books I want to share. I want to show you my favorite bug-hunting spot." I don't say anything. I just keep my eyes on the dancing flames. "Want to know what I have been reading?" I shrug. "It's called 'Beyond The Slime: Snails, Slugs, and other Gastropods'. How about it? Would you like me to tell you bits of it?" "If you want to, go ahead." "All right, here's an exciting snail fact. Did you know that snails...Talk. Really. Slowly?" Not as interesting as you think Toriel. Wait...they can talk? "Just kidding, snails don't talk. Interesting yes?" And just like that, I'm bored. Her jokes are usually more entertaining than this. "Snails are distinguished by an anatomical process known as torsion, where the visceral mass of the animal rotates 180° to one side during development, such that the anus is situated more or less above the head. This process is unrelated to the coiling of the shell, which is a separate phenomenon. Torsion is present in all gastropods, but the opisthobranch gastropods are secondarily de-torted to various degrees. Torsion occurs in two stages. The first, mechanistic stage, is muscular, and the second is mutagenetic. The effects of torsion are primarily physiological - the organism develops an asymmetrical growth, with the majority occurring on the left side. This leads to the loss of right-paired appendages (e.g., ctenidia (comb-like respiratory apparatus), gonads, nephridia, etc.). Furthermore, the anus becomes redirected to the same space as the head. This is speculated to have some evolutionary function, as prior to torsion, when retracting into the shell, first the posterior end would get pulled in, and then the anterior. Now, the front can be retracted more easily, perhaps suggesting a defensive purpose. However, this 'rotation hypothesis' is being challenged by the 'asymmetry hypothesis' in which the gastropod mantle cavity originated from one side only of a bilateral set of mantle cavities." Huh...I guess that's kind of neat. "Gastropods typically have a well-defined head with two or four sensory tentacles with eyes, and a ventral foot, which gives them their name (Greek gaster, stomach, and poda, feet). The foremost division of the foot is called the propodium. Its function is to push away sediment as the snail crawls. The larval shell of a gastropod is called a protoconch. The principal characteristic of the Gastropoda is the asymmetry of their principal organs. The essential feature of this asymmetry is that the anus generally lies to one side of the median plane.; The ctenidium (gill-combs), the osphradium (olfactory organs), the hypobranchial gland (or pallial mucous gland), and the auricle of the heart are single or at least are more developed on one side of the body than the other ; Furthermore, there is only one genital orifice, which lies on the same side of the body as the anus." I snicker a tiny bit at the mentioning of anus...I'm such a child. At least that perks her up a bit. "Okay, how about this? Courtship is a part of mating behavior in some gastropods, including some of the Helicidae. Again, in some land snails, an unusual feature of the reproductive system of gastropods is the presence and utilization of love darts. In many marine gastropods other than the opisthobranchs, there are separate sexes; most land gastropods, however, are hermaphrodites." "That's due to the odds of them finding a normal member of the opposite sex would be impossible because of how slow they are. So it's not uncommon that they have both sets of genitalia. The funny part is, when two meet up to have relations, they wrestle each other for dominance. The winning partner gets to be the male and the loser becomes the female." "...Have you been reading this without me?" "I watched a lot of TV growing up. It practically raised me." She puts the book down. "Child, come here." I sigh and roll myself near her, being super lazy about this. She pulls me up when I'm close to her chair and sits me on her lap. "Is something the matter? You are not as cheerful as you normally are." "I don't know." "Do you want to talk about it?" Not really, but I'll humor you a little, Toriel. "Nanny...Ya ever have one of those days where you don't even feel like getting out of bed? One of those days when so much is on your mind that it cripples you to the point of wondering why am I even bothering to get up today?" This strikes a nerve with her and she puts me down. "Come. Follow me for a moment." I'm confused but go along with it. She gets up and I follow her out the door. We walk out past the old tree and make a left down a small hall, encountering a single Froggit that flees in terror the moment it sees Toriel. I feel for ya little froggy dude. Entering a doorway leads us to an overlook of what I can only describe as an abandoned city. "Whoa..." "This is where we monsters lived when we first came to the Underground." "You're using past-tense wording. What happened?" "As ages passed, monsters changed and thrived with the blessing of children. Fearing the humans no longer, we moved out of the old city we called HOME. We braved harsh cold, damp swampland, and searing heat...Until we reached what we now call our capital...NEW HOME. Though the ones that choose to stay here, still live in their homes like time never passed. Only now, the streets are empty. The sounds of life are dull. I brought you here because this is a place where I come to relive days long ago and release such negative feelings. I pray it can do the same for you, child." Whoever is naming things around here is not very creative. It's still cute, but not creative. "So...This is your venting spot?" "More or less." "Not sure I can while you're here. Or how I'd even start." "That is fine. I merely wanted to show you that there is always something you can do when those bad moments happen." I smile softly. "Thanks, Nanny." We look out at the city, different thoughts in our heads. Though something she brought up tickles my curiosity. "So...There's more to the Underground than just the Ruins?" She flinches and grips the lookout's ledge a little bit. "...Yes. B-But it is much too dangerous for you out there. The monsters out there are not like the ones in here. They...They do not fight fair. You will not last long if you leave." Oh shit, did I trigger her? Quick you fool! Fix it! "I never said I was leaving. Why would I? I doubt anyone out there is as cool as you are." That settles her down for now. Better switch the subject anyway to be sure. "Is there anything else you want to know?" "Well, I did have one more thing that's been bugging me a little." "And what's that?" "So I've noticed I've been eating a lot and yet needing to go to the toilet less. I'm I dying or something?" She blushes before laughing. "*giggles* Heavens no, child. You're not dying." "And just like that, I feel like the world's biggest dumbass." "Let me see, how do I put this?" She takes a moment to think. "Well, we monsters use magic to make our foods and drinks. While still being physical enough to consume, it doesn't remain as such once in the body. Once consumed, the magic begins to dissipate as if it never existed. It still gives the body the nourishment and all other needs it requires, but since there's no mass to the magic, there's very little to pass out the body. So that may be why you're noticing less usage." "Huh. And if I ate human foods?" "Hard to say. No one knows if human foods would reverse this effect. Mainly because such foods are not available down here." "Nanny..." "Yes?" "Magic is cool." She snickers. "Nanny..." "Yes?" "I want to let you know I'm grateful for you taking Flowey and me in. A total stranger, and a human no less. I know it's against the law for you to be doing so...but...Thank you for caring." This seems to strike a chord within her. "C-Child...Do you really mean that?" "I do." She catches me by surprise with a sudden bear hug. "Thank you. Thank you so much." My first instinct is to return this affection to her, which I do. But my heart just isn't into it. The shadows in my mind begin to whisper things. Look at this, a stranger loves you more than your own family. How long has it been now and still no sign of any search party? Face it, they never loved you. You were a waste of life that took up space in that house. No one cares about you. Not even death wants a freak like you. "Child? You're trembling. Is everything all right?" I bite my tongue hard. If I open my mouth now, nothing good will come out. But Toriel is persistent and it doesn't help that my grip on her is clenching harshly. "Child, please. Just speak to me. Tell me what's wrong." I can't hold this anymore. I shove away from her to face the city and let it out. "I hate you! I hate all of you! You fucking pieces of shit! Why?! Why is it so hard for any of you to care?! I've been missing for days or weeks and none of you care! *sobs* Did you ever love me?! Why did you even bother having me if you don't even care that I'm gone?! *bawling* Why? Why? Someone tell me why...please..." I break down, crumbling right there to cry on my knees like a helpless babe. Toriel is shocked by my outburst. Her instincts unsure if she should let me cry this out or come over with comforting motherly tenderness. She picks a different option. "I know this isn't the most pleasant of times to ask...But since we've come to know more about each other, I have been curious about something." I can hardly look at her. "The humans that fall down here...They tend to not fall down for the happiest of reasons. If it is not too painful...Can you share with me your reason? What made you come to a cursed mountain where none ever return from?" My eyes sting, I can't keep them open for very long. "*hard sniffling* They used to care. I used to know what it was like to know others cared. I can't remember when they started to pull away. When I became invisible. I just want to know why. Was it something I did? Did I do something wrong? Did I not make them proud? I thought I did everything right. I was a good girl. *voice cracking* I'm a good girl. Aren't I?" I can't see it due to the tears blinding me, but I can hear it. Toriel is crying. No sound leaves her past her lips but I can hear the droplets fall to the floor. "Oh, my...You poor thing..." I feel her hug me from behind. "I do not know the life you have lived. I do not hold the answers you seek. But what I can tell you is this. You are a good girl. If you were my daughter, I'd always let you know I care for you." "*sniffles* Y-You...You would?" She rests her head on mine and I stiffen with tension. "I would. A mother should care for her children and never let them feel such sadness." Well, in the Ruins of the Underground they say, that the human's small heart grew three sizes that day. "How do you feel now, my child?" "...Meh."' "Any better at all?" "...A little. But I'm trying to be cool about it so you don't think I'm so pitiful." "My child, you are not pitiful. It takes great strength to admit such hurt." "If you say so." Her hold on my grows stronger. My sourness is something she doesn't like. It makes her have an idea. "Child...Would that make you happy? To call me... 'Mother'?" I feel my heart breaking. "Are you...Are you being serious right now? Because if you're toying with me...!" "Lynsie..." I think that's the first time she's used my name since being together. "I mean it. I know I am not your real mother. But I can be a real mother to you. If you allow me to. Now, what say you to this silly old woman?" I'm so close to weeping again it ain't funny. "You're...*soft sigh* Heh...You really are something else...Mom." She looks at me surprised, but smiles and nuzzles the top of my head. I feel like such a little kid right now. I can tell this made her happier than it made me. But I guess in time I'll work out these family issues I have and I'll be able to thank her for it. We sit there for a while, her just holding me and me just trying to return to my usual composure. Then she stands up. "My child...Would you like to help me with lunch?" I remain seated but look up at her. This is unreal. She's unreal. No way in hell that any human on earth even comes close to her. I owe her. "Know what? Let's flip the script. I'll make lunch. You do enough as it is." Her eyes sparkle till she notices I'm not getting up. "Are you not coming?" "In a moment..." I look back at the city. "I just need one more minute." She holds a breath, resisting the urge to smother me and drag my sorry ass home. But the trust we've made has gotten to that level where she knows such actions aren't necessary. "Very well...I will be waiting at home. The flower is probably worried sick." I chuckle at that and listen to the sound of her steps leave the area. Once things go quiet, I stand up and take a couple of deep breaths before I let out on last bit of venting. "*loud aggressive roar*!" While very relief inducing, such a harsh forced sound fucks up my throat and I cough like a chain smoker. "*coughs* W-Worth it...*gasp* So worth it." Turning on my heel, I'm about to leave till something wedged into the corner of the overlook. Upon closer inspection, it ends up being a hand grip. So I yank on it. It refuses to cooperate till I really give it a hard yank and pull this metaphorical sword from the literal stone. Turns out, it's toy weapon. Neat. "Huh...Okay? Weird, but mine now." [You equipped the Fake Knife.] [You gain 3 Attack.] "Really? That's the same increase as the ribbon. Wonder if they're a set?" [Made of plastic and not very good for killing. A rarity nowadays.] "Heh...Good thing I don't aim to kill. It's perfect." [CHECK selected.] [You now have HP 24, ATK 15, and DEF 13.] I slip the dagger into my lower side pocket with a smile and make merry way back home. When I get there, Toriel is making sure Flowey's soil is fresh before watering him. I end up making a bunch of grilled cheese sandwiches with slices of tomato between the cheese slices, at least on half of them. Though I do have to wonder where this food comes from, but she did say it's magic made, so who knows. The rest of the day is pretty chill. Toriel and I hang out some more before I spend the rest of the evening with Flowey. Since I apparently slacked off, he decides to cram some extra FIGHT knowledge into my messed up noggin and then gives me a rapid-fire pop quiz about it all. Aside from the normal Bullet Hell that I'm used to dealing with, there are seven different colored magic that can alter the attack to either hurt more or hurt less. White attacks are the most basic form of attack monsters can do. And if it hits you it will only do normal damage. The only way to counter white attacks is by dodging them. Gray attacks deal no damage and are used when the monster is unsure how to respond in their turn. More or less, it's like their way of skipping their turn. Red attacks do not deal damage but are used to warn of upcoming attacks. The warning can take on several forms, such as an attack itself flashing red, a simple red outline bordering the area of the attack, or a red rectangle with an exclamation point in the center and a flashing sound effect. Green attacks heal damage by varying amounts depending on the will of the attacking monster, the progress of battle in some way, or both. Light blue attacks, also known as just blue attacks, do not deal damage so long as you remain completely still. Orange Attacks do not deal damage so long as you remain moving. And purple attacks apply a 'poison' effect that gets worse the more you're hit till your HP is drained. Yet he tells me to take the purple attack with a grain of salt as he isn't sure it really exists outside of rumors. This is what Toriel meant when she said the monsters outside the Ruins are too dangerous and don't fight fair. If an LV level 1 monster like Napstablook can kick my ass to 1 HP, I don't think I stand a ghost of a chance against harder monsters. I need to do more training. [Time Skip] Life as the adopted daughter of a monster is something I never thought I'd be when I grew up, but it's something I have come to really enjoy. Toriel's been true to her word. She shows her care for me every day in small ways. She did do it in a big way once but I told her wasn't necessary. That and I felt bad we couldn't eat the whole cake before it spoiled. Toriel has gotten a bit more intense sometimes. I'm sure it has nothing to do with Napstablook randomly popping in and out of my room without asking her for permission. Can't be that...Sarcasm. Speaking of her, my time with Toriel has been most enlightening. Aside from the normal schooling, she also has taught me much about the history of the Underground. Or as much as she's willing to tell me, she isn't too detailed on somethings, makes me curious as to why. But what she, Flowey, and Napstablook all confirm with me is this. The King of the Monsters, Lord Asgore, has called a war on humanity once again. So if freedom were ever attained with the breaking of the barrier, then they wouldn't leave this place peacefully. Blood would be spilled, thick enough to swim in as they hear the lamentations of their conquered foes. This is not so far off from happening either. The King so far has in his possession six human souls and only one more is needed to break the barrier completely. When I bring such topics up in conversation, Toriel is always upset. Badmouthing Asgore and then running off to let out some steam either at the overlook or in the basement. I can tell she fears me falling into his grasp. She fears to lose yet another child. That's another thing she's taught me. While it is the law that humans at to be killed and their souls harvested for the freedom of monster kind, she never supported this. She's tried to keep the other six before me from leaving the Ruins, but they all left her anyway. The dumbasses. Why leave this poor wonderful woman? But humans are not the only loss she's had. I know the look of greater hurt when I see it. She's suffered heavy loss. I dare not ask her about such pain. It is not my place to speak of. All this pain Toriel has been through, she is covering her hurt with a happy Jekyll and crazy Hyde complex. She has yet to move on to the final stage of grief...Acceptance. Another thing she has begun to teach me is the basic use of magic, mostly SOUL magic as it's the simplest form and a good base for beginners as she put it. Not that I can complain, I mean, I'm learning freaking magic! Flowey is first apprehensive about this. Mentioning something along the lines of I have a freaky soul as it is and shouldn't mess with it. But I counter this with, well if my soul is so fucked up then wouldn't it be best to train it so that it isn't a problem? Needless to say, I won that argument, yet I also find out what Flowey meant by me having a weird soul. It seems that my soul is able to change color depending on what emotion I feel the strongest at the time and each color has its own power associated with it or trait as they're called. She only knows of a few colors due to the humans that fell before me and my soul during our magic training sessions tends to stick to being a light blue color. But of course, Flowey fills me in on the other ones I haven't seen. When the SOUL is red, it seems like any normal soul and behaves normally. It does get a slight boost in power and added precision when it comes to making quick moments. This power is associated with the emotion of Determination. When blue, the SOUL is affected by gravity. This allows one to move beyond the Earth's normal gravity, like being able to jump as if on the moon. This power is associated with the emotion of Integrity. When green, the SOUL it can produce a kind of shield but at the cost of being unable to move. While in this state, one can only dodge in a stationary way or block the incoming attacks. This power is associated with the emotion of Kindness. When purple, the SOUL is focused and can only allow movement to the left and right from where one is standing. It's a very intimidating soul to most as it gives you a handicap and makes you look skilled if used correctly. This power is associated with the emotion of Perseverance. When Yellow, the SOUL is filled with magic power and is flipped upside down like a monster's SOUL, so the heart's point is directed toward the foe. In this state, the soul grants the ability to shoot a projectile that can destroy certain oncoming projectile attacks. This power is associated with the emotion of Justice. When the SOUL is light blue it will appear to make you weaker and slow down movements. But this is a ruse as the SOUL is storing energy from not moving around so much. This allows for stronger block and defensive counters the more power is stored. This power is associated with the emotion of Patience. And lastly, when the SOUL is it will appear to make you stronger and increase movements. This SOUL will also store energy but only while the user is moving around. This allows for stronger attacks and parrying counters the more power is stored. This power is associated with the emotion of Bravery. There is a catch to all this too, as some monsters are able to force such SOUL MODES onto humans and render the human unable to break free from such control till the fight ends. All this, Monsters and Magic, it's become my new normalcy. And looking back on how I was living before, I can honestly say I don't miss the surface at all. This is the life I've always wanted. A life in which the world isn't trying so hard to crush your hopes and dreams. A life where I know what love is. A life where one can truly live when not being threatened with death. But this doesn't stop my curiosity. The one thing I can't get her to talk about is the staircase to the basement that she herself often sneaks away to. Whenever I even hint at it she tells me to ignore it and don't go down there as it's not safe. "No good will come if you venture down there." Out of respect, I do as she says. I would never dare disobey her and yet I feel something trying to draw me down there. Maybe it's the little things like how she's able to go down there and I'm not. Maybe it's because I can sometimes barely hear her talking to either herself or someone else. Whatever the reason is, it's driving me crazy! Each passing day I find myself closer and closer than the last time I've done this. Just testing how far down I can go before Toriel notices. But the more I do this, the more I think she's catching on. Her steps get quicker and I have to be careful not to make a sound when I rush back up the steps. This has become a routine every time she heads down there. She goes down there. I follow up to a point. I stop in an odd pause for a couple minutes until I hear something. Then leave in a hurry This is insanity! Why do I keep doing this and how do I make it stop?! Today is no different, with the exception of Flowey joining in on my madness. After the lessons, schooling, and my workout training, I hold his pot while gazing over the edge of the banister. I don't know where Toriel is. Either she's down there or making her rounds in case another human falls. Not likely that'll happen. But not knowing her location has me weary on being bold enough to go down there. "So...This is the dangerous thing you told me about?" "Yep." "And you never go down there?" "I do...But not very far. I don't want Toriel to freak out if she sees me." "You do know she'll totally lose it if she ever finds out you do this, right?" "I know." "Then why do you do it?" "I don't know." He's confused. "What do you mean, you don't know?" "Don't act like you didn't understand. I said I don't know why I do this because I really don't know why I do this! If it's not one thing like the fucked up dreams, then it's the voices in or out of my head that nobody else hears. And if it's not the voices, then it's this freaky feeling to go down there. So do forgive me, oh all too perfect flower, for I am flawed and often don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do!" He flinches at my snap and looks away in shame, making me feel like shit. "*sigh* I'm sorry. I'm just...really stressed out. Between all the training, my emotional baggage, and weird shit that I can't even tell if it is really happening or not..." I hang my head. "I...I need a break before I end up broken." "Hey..." Flowey rubs my hands comfortingly. "Just relax. It's going to be okay. I didn't know you were going through so much." "You should know by now I don't talk about my feelings and other junk. My burdens shouldn't have to bug anyone else." "If it helps...I know what's down there." "...What?" "There's nothing down there. It just leads to the door that heads out to the rest of the Underground. She keeps it shut. Not wanting others to leave and end up killed." "...So that's it? A door?" "Yep." "But...That can't be all there is." "What do you mean?" "She talks to someone down there." "Huh? Are you sure you weren't hearing things?" I glare harshly. "I know the voices I hear. There might be a lot of them, but I know them all. And she talks to someone I don't know." "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to take it the wrong way." "We're going down there." "Wait, what?!" I head to go downstairs but Flowey blocks the entryway with vines. "Are you out of your mind?! What if Toriel finds out?!" "At this point, I don't care anymore. Nothing makes sense. So why would she react the way we think she will?" "Do you hear yourself? This will, without a doubt, make Toriel snap!" "And how would you know?" "Because I..." "what are you doing?" We both freak out at the sudden utterance of Napstablook, me more than Flowey. So much so that I drop Flowey, not that it matters as he's gripping the railing with his vines, and I take a tumble down the first part of the stairway down. "Holy crap! Are you okay?" "*groan* I fucking hate stairs..." "oh, shit...I-I-I didn't mean to..." I pick myself up shakily. "Nah, dude, you're okay. It'll take more than a little trip to hurt me." "uh...you're bleeding." "From your forehead." I rub it away. "Still there?" They shake their heads. "Then we cool. You cool. Me cool. We all cool." I wobbly head towards the rest of the way down. Flowey lowers himself and whacks me with his pot. "Okay, now I know you have brain damage. Go back upstairs and go to our room to sleep this off." "Look, I get it. You're scared. You don't have to come along if you don't want to." "Don't be so stupid, you idiot! I'm trying to keep you alive! You have no idea what kind of awful, messed up, nightmare-inducing things will happen if you go down there!" Flowey huffs and puffs, but I'm already halfway down by the time he notices. "*snarls* You! Ghost!" "me?" "Are you able to carry me?" Napstablook looks at him funny and scoffs. "probably. why?" "I need to go after her. That dumbass is going to get herself killed if she doesn't get out of there." Napstablook's eyes widen and he grabs Flowey's pot. Just then, the tumblers in the house's door began to clatter with the sound of a key being inserted. Panic washes over them. Napstablook moves quickly, yanking Flowey from the railing and speeding down the stairs as the door starts to open. Toriel enters. "Hello? My child? I have returned home." Only silence greeted Toriel. Perhaps the human was in her room asleep. Poor thing hasn't been the most well rested as of late. Those bags under her eyes looking darker by the day. The girl needs all the rest she can get. Toriel heads toward the kitchen, to start making a batch of cookies to surprise her happy little family. But the surprise was on her. She almost didn't see it. The joy of her delight almost blinded her to something that now has her breaking into a series of nervous twitches. Small smudges of crimson now discolor the pale cream that makes up the home's interior. "No...No, no, no, no, no! Not again!" The panicked parent rushes in the hopes that she is not too late. That she won't have to lose another life. Me on the other hand, I've been walking for a while now. The path under the house is much longer than anyone would guess. Probably the result of digging for open pockets in the mountain. Flowey chased after me, like a bitch, and dragged Napstablook along. "Human! Toriel is coming!" "Yeah, right." "he's not lying. she just came back. I hope she didn't see us." I roll my eyes not believing them, until... "Child!" [You felt your sins crawling on your back.] "Run!" The three of us make a break for it the end of the of the hall...only to be blocked by large stone doors. "Shit..." "My child..." We turn around and see the frightened Toriel now behind us. Dear god, this woman is fast as hell! Napstablook lets fear get the better of him, fading away and making me dive to catch Flowey before his pot shatters. "Nice catch." "*whisper* Praise my SPEED stat later. Shit's about to hit the fan." "Lynsie...My little girl. Why are you down here?" Her eerie calm is disturbing. I need to think of a lie and think it up quick. Or speak the dumb truth. Whatever will work best at this moment. "I fell down the stairs." Her expression softens slightly. "Why did you not come back upstairs?" "I...I didn't know how you'd react if you saw me. I got scared." She calms down and approaches. "Child, I meant not to instill such fear in you. I want you to know you can come to me whenever you are in need." "And you won't be upset?" "I...I will do my best to understand before reacting." "Thank you, Nanny." She pats my head and places a hand on my back to get me to follow her back up to our home. "I do have one question for you, my child." I tense up. "Yes?" "What were you doing by the stairs in the first place?" "I...I got curious." Her hand on my back flinches. "Curious about what?" Flowey is trying to mime to me to keep my mouth shut. But I'm not very good at following his orders. "You come down here a lot. You never say why or what happens. I just...I thought I could hear you talking to someone and wanted to meet them too." Her hand pushes me roughly so I'm ahead of her towards the stairs. "You heard nothing, child. There is no one down here. Run along and freshen up. We'll bake together shortly...I have to do something first." She turns around, heading back towards the doors. I should go upstairs. I know I should. But I can't. "Oh no. I know that look. Don't do it." "I'm gonna do it." "Don't!" "Too late." "Why do you do this?! Why don't you listen to me?!" "Because if you don't act then you're just as wrong to ignore what's going on. Sure, it's likely safer to just do as you or Toriel say. But that's just choosing to hide. To let the problems around me win. I've lived like that already. To sink into myself and the darkness. I won't do that again. I won't let others go through it if I have the chance. So get mad all you want. I'm not going to stand by while they do things that will only make them suffer." Flowey just stares at me. Thoughts running through his mind as I sprint after her. "Nanny!" She pauses. "I told you to go upstairs." "Not without you." "Tell me, child. Do I not provide enough for you? Are the Ruins not good enough? Do you seek your own death that badly?" [You felt your sins weighing on your neck.] I glare at her in annoyance but she continues. "Ahead of us lies the end of the RUINS. A one-way exit to the rest of the underground. I am going to destroy it. No one will ever be able to leave again. Now be a good child and go upstairs." "No." She looks at me over her shoulder, her own eyes glaring back at me. "No?" "I will not leave you down here." She huffs through her nose. "Every human that falls down here meets the same fate. I have seen it again and again. They come. They leave. They die. You naive child...If you leave the RUINS...They... ASGORE...Will kill you." "You underestimate me." "Please don't piss her off." She snarls at me. "I am only protecting you, do you understand?" "No, you understand! I will not allow you to use me as an excuse. I am an adult. I can make my own choices. I will embrace the consequences of any action I take. I am responsible for my life. Not you." "...Go to your room." "Make me." The intensity of our glares can generate harsh sparks. "Do not try to stop me. This is your final warning." She runs for the door and now I'm pissed off. "Don't you turn your back on me, bitch!" Flowey is stunned by my snap but doesn't get a chance to respond. I drop Flowey's pot and give chase to Toriel. I never even hear the clay pot shatter. I speed up to make sure Toriel won't do something stupid. "Don't ignore me! You fear something you can't control. You're letting the fear win. You're acting as stupid as the humans that banished you!" She flinches for a second before turning around and facing now in front of the door that she despises. Though now that I see her and the door together, I notice the door bears the same symbol as her robes. "You must really be unhappy. You want to leave so badly?" "What made you get a moronic idea like that? Fuck no, I don't want to leave. All I want is for you to get your fuzzy ass upstairs so we can make cookies and read books." "Hmph. And why should I believe that? You are not the first to tell me such lies." "Oh for fuck's sake. I have been trying for god knows how long to be sweet with you because, in case you haven't noticed, I like you and consider you my freaking mom! So stop this nonsense and get away from that stupid door!" She snorts, anger in her eyes. But then...she starts to giggle. The giggles then become manic and loud. Now I'm on edge. "You...hehehe...You are just like the others. To think I was worried you wouldn't fit in out there...Eheheheh! You really are no different from them! Ha...Ha..." I growl in annoyance. Is she really mocking me right now or is she losing her mind? I don't know. But it's really ticking me off either way. "There is only one solution to this. You...Prove yourself...Prove to me you are strong enough to survive." I scoff. "I don't have to prove anything to anyone. Not even you." "Prove to me you are strong enough to survive!" Her voice shirks harshly and my soul appears in a glow of red. Seems we're fighting now. Just great. [HEARTACHE begins to play in the background.] [Toriel blocks the way!] "Are you for real right now? You're really going to fight me over this crap?" [Toriel prepares a magical attack.] "*sigh* I guess you're leaving me no choice but to beat some sense into you. Very well...Bring it on!" Her paw-like hands catch fire and she sweeps them in an arc, casting a trail of fireballs that are launched towards me. Simple enough to attempt evasion on their own, but then I find out that the fireballs can bounce off of the walls. I get hit a few times by these rouge ricocheting balls of flame. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] [Toriel looks through you.] "And you criticize me for being nuts. Are you seeing this bullshit, Flowey? ...Flowey?" Only now do I realize that I don't have the pot with me. "Ah, fuck my life. Flowey! Hey! You okay?!" I shout into the hall behind me. Seconds later he pops out of the ground, meaning this floor isn't solid. "You jackass! I can't believe you dropped me!" "So you're fine? Good. That makes one of us. Two, if you count Napstablook fleeing when he had the chance. Lucky bastard." "Make your move, child!" Flowey takes notice of what's going on. "I told you! I told you and you wouldn't listen!" "Oh my god! Stop nagging me like you're my wife! Just support me and keep out of fight radius!" [FIGHT] [ACT] [ITEM] [MERCY] "Okay, what are my options?" [ACT selected.] [New options available.] [CHECK] [TALK] "That's it? Fine. Simple is as simple be." [TALK selected.] [You couldn't think of any conversation topics.] "This is pointless. I know you don't want to hurt me and you know I don't want to hurt you either. So let's stop this now before it gets crazy." [Toriel looks through you.] She launches the same attack as before. Only now there are two rows instead of one, but the pattern remains the same. This is a good thing. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] "You've really gotten fast, human." "You sound surprised? Did you really think I didn't try with all that training?" "Uh..." "Fuck you, Flowey." [TALK selected.] [You tried to think of something to say again, but...] "Quit wasting time doing this, Nanny. At this rate, we won't even have time to eat if we ever get cooking." [Toriel takes a deep breath.] "Geez, woman. You're like ice. So cold." Her stony expression doesn't change as she unleashes the same attack yet again. Same pattern. Same spots of bounce off. Same easy steps to dodge. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] "This isn't a fight. It's not even a tussle. It's just sad." "Are you really disappointed she's not trying to kill you?" "I know how it sounds and as fucked up as it is, yeah." "...Why?!" "Because I don't like it when someone pushes me to do things with them, only to slack off while I do all the work. It pisses me off." "While that does suck, you shouldn't feel that way right now. She doesn't want to hurt you and you don't want to hurt her...right?" "Of course not. I don't want to hurt anyone. That's why I'm trying to talk to her." [TALK selected.] [Ironically, talking does not seem to be the solution to this situation.] "Why won't you listen to me? Are you even able to hear me? Say something! Anything. Do something other than just stand there like an emotionless statue!" "..." [Toriel is acting aloof.] The same attack is sent my way once more. It's gotten to the point where I just stand still and deflect the fireballs with my knife. I'm losing my patience with this repetitive shit. "The hell am I suppose to do here? Die of boredom?" {You can't reason with her when she gets like this.} I flinch. "So...You're chiming in now? Of all times?" {You look like you can use all the help you can get.} "*scoff* Do you not see my skills? I can do this no problem. I just can't understand what option I need to select." "Human? Who are you talking to?" To Flowey or anyone else for that matter, I'm chatting with no one. "Oh, just a voice that seems to have random timing." {I don't have random timing. It takes a lot of energy to manifest like this.} "Wait, manifest? Are you a ghost?" {I guess? Not really sure. I mean, I was dead. Fairly sure I still am. I don't even know how or why I woke up. I just...did.} "You are one confused dude, ya know that?" "They're not the only one." I snarl at Flowey. {I might be confused on some things, yes. But I'm not as confused as you.} "Don't start shit with me, dude! I am so not in the mood and I will kick your dead ass if I have to" {I'd like to see you try, punk.} "Alright, what's your name, asshole?! I wanna know what to write on your headstone along with all the shit I'm gonna mock you with!" {My name? It's Chara.} "Well then, allow me to say this then...Fuck you, Chara!" Just like that, the room goes completely dead. The air stills, the temperature chills, and the thrills are less than wanted. In an instant, the world that I know of goes dark for me and my body stands in a painful slump. Flowey's eyes widen in shock and Toriel finally does something other than stay still. "C-Ch...Ch...Chara...? My boy...he's here...?" A hauntingly dread hangs in the air like a thick miasma. Flowey only seems to realize that things are not what they seem when my red soul begins to tinge darker and darker. The color being swallowed by shadow until it is nothing more than a black heart. "A black soul? How...Is that even possible?" I twitch for a moment before coming back to life. "Human? Are you okay?" I shake my head and rub my eyes. My head really hurts. Looking around I see Toriel, her face is sorrowful and her eyes are pleading. "Chara? Where is my son? Chara?" Chara was her son? This woman was holding out on me when I asked if she had a family. Not cool. Still, she's calling out for a dead kid, right? Do I not matter? I'm right here. I thought she cared about me. Thought she loved me. I've been trying to be a good girl and talk to her. But maybe she's... [Not worth talking to.] I stand strong and leer at this woman whom I gave trust to. This seems to strike her attention. "My child? Why are you looking at me like that?" {Yeah, why are you looking at her like that?} I snarl. "I am not your child." My voice is different. More darker, colder, and deadly. [FIGHT selected.] Flowey attempts to question me but I take off at her in the blink of an eye, knife in hand. She's stunned. Hardly able to register the dark blur that is me till I'm in her face. There's a quick instance of time, a glimpse of what's to come, and she's able to move in time just as the knife is swung. I miss hitting her yet she now has a slash across her robe. "Next time, I won't miss." {What the hell are you doing?!} "Y...You...at my most vulnerable moment...you...really hate me that much?" I turn to head back to my starting point. "Don't flatter yourself. I don't care enough to hate you." She frowns. "Child..." "No! Don't you dare say that!" I face her again and whatever hateful look I have on my face is enough to make her back up in intimidation. "I trusted you. I let you in. I thought you'd be different. Monsters are so much better than humans. But you...*growls* You're no better than they were. You never cared about me. I was just a replacement. A placeholder for the kid you lost." "B-But that's not true." "You've shown no emotion since this fight started. You've been ignoring me this whole time. But the moment I say Chara, you get all teary eyed and talkative? I let you call me your daughter and you forget me the moment a ghost from your past pops up! You're no better than them. You never cared about me. No one cares about me. I am the abandoned one. I am unlovable. You broke my heart when I didn't think it was possible for it to shatter anymore than it already was. So congratulations. You managed to hurt me like no one has. And now...Now I will make you feel my pain. One turn at a time." I walk back to my original position and she begins to cry, holding her muzzle to keep the sadness in. Flowey is just dumbfounded by my sudden turn to the dark side. "What the hell are you doing?! I thought you weren't going to...kill...?" The icy stare down I'm giving him chills the life out of him. "Y-You...Wh...What are you...?" I merely grin and the whites of my eyes begin to fill with blackness. This terrifies the poor flower-boy. "T-this...feeling? Why am I...Shaking? Hey...S-s-stop making that creepy face! This isn't funny! You've got a SICK sense of humor!" {I agree. This isn't how you win this.} I growl to myself. {What is with you? I swear to god if you hurt my mom, I'm gonna kill you.} "I'd like to see you try, brat." {Stupid reckless jerk. I'm too dead for this crap.} [Toriel prepares a magical attack but is weary now.] Streams of fireballs fall from the top of the room in a crisscrossing double-helix pattern and accumulate at the floor. The streams have holes in the middle of them to dodge through. Heck, there are even two safe spots near both corners. This doesn't bode well for Toriel. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] "My turn now." {Hey, wait!} "What?" {You don't have to fight her.} "Not much else really on the table for choices." {Okay, talking isn't going to work, we know that! But if you really mean what you say and don't want to kill...You'll have to do something else!} He's calling me out. Damn him. But he's right. I mean, what the fuck am I doing? I tried to strike Toriel! I could've killed her from my level of intent! That isn't something I'd do. That isn't me. This isn't me at all. "No...No, this is wrong. This is all wrong. This isn't me. This isn't me! THIS ISN'T ME!!" My head hurts! I grip my head in one hand and my soul in the other. The black that makes up its color struggles to remain. My chest tightens in pain and I roar. The black in my soul swirls into its center and is flushed away by the encompassing blue. Once it's all gone, I feel drained and yet better at the same time. {You...You okay?} "I...I don't feel so good." "Lynsie? Are you normal now?" I look at Flowey and he sighs with relief. "Phew! That creepy face is gone. What happened back there? You were so...different." "You think I know?" I look at my hands and the fake knife that's clasped so tightly that my fingers are stiffly locked around the handle. "I...I was going to do a bad thing. Wasn't I?" "Yeah...But that wasn't you. It was...Whatever that was." I glare at the knife and put it back in my pocket. I don't need it. I don't want it. I will not attack her. But if talking won't work, what will? Let's see...No to FIGHT. ACT is a waste of time. I don't have any ITEMS. So that just leaves MERCY? But that's usually SPARE and FLEE. And I doubt I can FLEE from this fight. Not after all the crap that just went down. I need to check this. "Yo, ghost-boy." {Huh?} "What do you think of this course of action?" [MERCY selected.] [New options available.] [SPARE] [FLEE] {You're going to run? Not a bad idea, but not a winning one either.} "No, not that one. This one." {Spare? Worth a shot. I mean, what else is there really?} "I know right?" "You still talking to Chara?" "We're agreeing on a plan." "And that is?" "You'll see." [SPARE selected.] Toriel looks at me funny. Not surprising as I've gone from trying to talk to her to then trying to kill her. "...? What are you doing?" "What's it look like? I'm sparing you." She eyes me funny. Contemplating so many things. "I don't understand." "What's so hard to understand? I didn't want to fight you. I don't want to fight you still. I don't want to end up hurting you. So I'm done. I'm done trying to do anything. I offer you mercy. What say you?" She pauses for a while. Time seems to stop. But then she makes her move. She attacks similar to her last attack but it's a little different. Thicker streams of fireballs, too thick to dodge through, but they do not sweep back and forth. Allowing careful me to keep safe between the streams only after finding it once I got hit a couple times trying to fit into it. [HP ███████ 7/24] "*panting* Okay...ow...Took more damage than I thought." {Not bad though. That was some pretty fancy footwork you did there.} "Thanks." "You okay, human?" I give Flowey a thumbs up and get ready for more junk to come. [SPARE selected.] "What are you doing? Attack or run away!" "I choose none of that." She hurls more of that same hard to dodge fireball streams. Only thing is now I know what I'm doing, so I only get hit once by the time her turn ends. [HP ███ 3/24] I can barely stand. I'm singed and searing in burn pain. I can't take much more of this. If she keeps this up, I'm as good as dead. Damn it, woman, accept my mercy already! {You're doing great. Keep this up and you're golden." "If this keeps up I'll be joining you in the afterlife, ghost-boy." "Child...What are you proving this way? Fight me or leave!" "There are more choices than that, Toriel. If I don't want to fight, I don't have to. If I don't want to leave, I don't have to. Problems don't just go away because you kill them or run away. You face them head on and never back down until their resolved." "Can't you see that's not how the world works down here? I don't want to see you die. I need to know you are strong enough to make out of this wretched place alive. And I'm willing to give you my power if it means you'll survive." "I will not kill my MOTHER!" That slipped out of me but I don't regret it. My words pack enough of a punch that has her faltering. "Stop it. Stop looking at me that way. Go away!" She attacks again, yet something isn't right. The fireballs fall haphazardly from above but deliberately move away if they come close to me, making it impossible to take damage even if I move closer. I think I'm finally getting to her. I need to keep this going. [HP ███ 3/24] "Please...just go upstairs now. I promise I will take good care of you here. I know we do not have much, but...We can have a good life here." "I know that. I don't want to leave. I want to make this work. That's why I'm trying so fucking hard!" [SPARE selected.] I start to approach her and she trembles, either in fear or worry, I know not. So she attacks again, but again the flames avoid me. [HP ███ 3/24] "Why are you making this so difficult? Please, go upstairs." "I can say the same to you." [SPARE selected.] I come to a stop in front of her and she meets my gaze with her own. Such sadness smears her features. Her hands tremble and the fire they hold flickers out. She crumbles right there, falling to her knees. "Urgh...You are stronger than I thought..." "I told you not to underestimate me." "Listen to me, small one...If you go beyond this door, keep walking as far as you can. Eventually, you will reach an exit." "Exit?" "ASGORE...Do not let ASGORE take your soul. His plan cannot be allowed to succeed." "War on humanity? Yeah, not the best plan since that didn't work out so well last time. Heh, funny enough, if you guys wait long enough we'll all end up wiping ourselves out for one dumb reason or another." "You will be good, won't you? My child." "You talk like you heard nothing I said. Damn it, Nanny, do I have to spell it out for you?" I put my arms around her and embrace her tight. I will not let go until she comes to her senses. I refuse to let her remain like this. Her eyes widen and her face contorts with mixed emotions before settling on a defeated weak smile. "Ha ha...Pathetic, is it not? I cannot save even a single child." "Mother..." "No, I understand. You would just be unhappy trapped down here. The RUINS are very small once you get used to them. It would not be right for you to grow up in a place like this. My expectations...My loneliness...My fear...For you, my child...I will put them aside." "Toriel..." "If you truly wish to leave the RUINS...I will not stop you. However, when you leave...Please do not come back. I hope you understand." "Mom!" She trembles hard when I snap. God, she still doesn't get it. This woman is as messed up as I am. Maybe that's why I care about her so much. Maybe in the depths of my soul, it believes that by saving her I'll be saving part of myself. I don't know. I ain't no psychologist after all. "Let me make this as clear as possible for you. I. AM. NOT. LEAVING. YOU!" Her eyes water and I let her go. "I know I'm not really your kid. I said and did some messed up shit. I regret it a lot. I let my feelings overwhelm me in the worst ways. But I want to make it right. I want to earn your forgiveness. I want to earn the right to be your daughter. Will you let me do this after the things I've done? Can you give me another chance, Toriel?" She whimpers. "You...you're really going to stay?" "Yes. I told you before and I'll keep saying it if it helps. I am going to stay with you as long as you'll keep me. I'm not lying. I speak only truth. I am not leaving you. This is my home for as long as you'll have me stay. You will be my mother and I'll be your daughter for as long as you wish it to be so. Please, believe me." {I think you've done it.} She begins to cry, her arms go around me and nearly smother me in a warm healing hug. "Lynsie, my child...Thank you. Forgive me for my earlier behavior. You were right. I was brash, unfeeling, and callous. I am appalled to call myself a mother. I attacked my own child. How are you able to still want to be around me after such happenings?" {Now seal the deal.} "No one is perfect, Nanny. We all make mistakes. It's how we learn from them that makes the difference. We can either learn to do better or end up repeating the same thing again. I can forgive you because I understand why you are the way you are. You have been through so much. You've loved. You've lost. You've tried to help. And yet fate has been so cruel to you. It forced you into this lonely home where all you see is danger outside its walls. You're scared of losing any more of those you end up close to. So you lash out because you don't know how else to respond to those feelings. I can't be mad at you for that." She smiles softly and pets my head. "You truly are a sweet child." "I try." {Thank you.} [YOU WON!] [You earned 0 XP and 0 gold.] Things revert to normal and I help her up to her feet. "Come on, mom. Let's go back upstairs." "Yes. I would like that very much." "Holy cow! You actually did it!" We look over at Flowey. "Crap, we need a new pot for him." "I am sure we can find something for him upstairs." "Do ya mind waiting a little bit down here till we bring back something?" "I don't mind really. It feels nice to let my roots stretch out." We head back upstairs and return to life as before. Toriel is more relaxed now that her fears have been put to rest. I've doubled my efforts around the home to make amends for my actions in the fight we had. I sowed up the cut in her robe, even though she said I didn't have to. But she surprised me by sowing my shirt as well. As if showing the new bound we made, she sowed the symbol on her robes onto my shirt. She tells me it's called the Delta Rune, the emblem of monster kind. I wear it proudly. Chara talks to me more frequently now. Toriel often talks to him too and I have to tell her what he says. She was skeptical at first, hard to imagine a dead kid talking to your adoptive one, but he has me tell her things that only they'd know and it all set in there. The odd thing is that Flowey will talk to him too. The conversations they have, they're so personal. I feel uncomfortable being this third wheel. But the more they all talk, the more I learn about them. Things I won't share with anyone else. Like how Chara tends to call Flowey the name Asriel. I learn from Toriel's chats with him that this was the name of her biological son with none other than King Asgore. Yeah, that was a big fucking bomb drop. Toriel, this lonely hidden away woman, is the Queen to an entire race that is going to try to kill me. Yay! Flowey got his pot replacement so he was able to come into the house again. We still train together, all be it a little intensely. I mean, I'm willing but he's less to do so. My guess is because he's afraid of losing Chara. I hate this feeling. Being a host to someone that others want more than they want me. It's when I have these moments, I go to the lookout of the old city and I talk to Chara. Just us. He's rather understanding. Like he's gone through a lot of the same things I have. I don't pry too much into his past and he doesn't push me on my reasons for trying to die. We are the same in a lot of ways. We both are haunted by the ghosts of our past lives on the surface. He's nice to have around for these chats even if I feel weird about having yet another guy follow me around at times where I'd rather be by myself. But at least Chara agreed to not pop up when I'm in the bathroom. Napstablook on the other hand...well...I have no clue. He's MY buddy. He only comes around for me. That much I enjoy. It feels oddly nice that a dude, even if he's a ghost monster, pays sole attention to me. Makes me feel wanted. And if I have to be girly, as is my gender, it makes me feel pretty too. God, feelings are weird. After the fight, Toriel allows me downstairs now. She still worries about me leaving, but the trust is there that I won't. Flowey and I use the larger space for better workouts. It does pay off in the long run. My stats increase more. I'm now HP 28, ATK 17, and DEF 13. The weird part now out of all this is, the more we train down here, the more I get curious. I'm now tempted to go beyond the door and see what's on the other side.

[kriegisms]

100 Prompts - 001Birth

Inspiration Playlist: x x x

She isn’t long for this world.

She knows it as well as she knows herself. Knows every tract of land, every curve of the terrain. It is her, after all. Everything she is, everything she stands for. Or stood for; what she was and is has begun to change, she can feel it in her gut the shift of power over what she perceives as her place, her lands. Lands she has put herself on Death’s very threshold to protect, people that will soon no longer be hers.

Protect it from the creature who lies not far from her own broken body. Torn apart by this monster in human skin, the body lying within reach, his own sword sticking from his chest and a blood-curdling smile still plastered across his face. His eyes are still open, gleaming with his wrought carnage across their glazed unseeing surface.

They called him ‘War’. He was bigger than she was, likely due to his ever-imposing and brutal presence on the world. Maybe she wonders what will happen now that he’s dead, slain by her hand driven by rage and maternal instinct to guard. Will another take the mantle? Will there always be such a beast in this world that causes malady and destruction?

He inflicted heavy damages of his own, to be perfectly honest. Her body is torn, her ankles and parts of her lower legs splintered beyond repair. How she stood to face him after he broke her is a mystery she quietly and briefly entertains herself with before a final fleeting thought of how stained and torn her once-pretty dress is, smeared in dirt and gore. It was a gift to her from her people and she has sullied it.

Any semblance of structure is lost to her, punctuated with a wet cough, her arms shakily holding her lofted giving way and collapsing. Her mane, flowing and cloud-like, drops like dead vines to the earth alongside her, no longer wisping of its own accords. The final breath is a death rattle, the world fades to black and she finds peace in it.

The heartbeat is not expected, deep and pounding. Painful.

The ether is lost in a flash, a brilliant white light flaring across glazed eyes striking her back into wakeful agonizing life. Or something akin to it, at any rate.

Another thump in her chest, more forceful than the last. She gasps at it, her lungs greedily gulping in as much air as they can from being rendered inert. A wet wheezing hack erupts from her, her body starting to activate long before her mind does. It will be some time before she realizes on any conscious or subconscious level where she has been and come back from.

One hand claws at her chest, gripping it as another heartbeat thumps, threatening in its tenacity to kill her again before she has a chance to fully revive. They come more frequently but no less ferocious. Her existence reignites around this pulse, driven by solid instinct alone to push herself up with her free arm. The foundation is shaky at best, but it holds long enough for her to stabilize herself with her other hand, dirty fingernails leaving grimy scratches in her skin, deep enough to bead dark blood just barely to the surface along her throat and upper chest.

It is a little easier to breathe without the burning, her heartbeat steadying and no longer explosive. She is stable for a second when her abdomen cramps painfully and she loses the lock on one elbow. It sends her sideways before she balances again, the loose arm pulled to put pressure on her middle.

The whimper that escapes is punctuated with a heave. She tries to hold it in, attempting to exercise some sort of primitive subconscious control, unaware of the scratched lines tracing all across her body. Blood rises like dark pearls before, with a wet tearing noise, they rip open. The shock of feeling it happen simultaneously is the final tether on that basic control and with a final heave, she empties her stomach much against her will onto the ground in front of her.

She hasn’t noticed yet that it is not actually blood that leaks from her new stripes, not even appropriate vomit. Black and oozing, staining everything it touches a sickly shade of very dark green. Her hair falls in front of her face, dripping with the same ooze, no longer voluminous. She has all of a half-second to contemplate this turn of events before the next few violent stages of the transformation happen.

It starts with a tingling sensation under the skin, from head to toe. Curious, until the muscle in the areas under and around the striping wounds bulk and tighten, wrenching a cry of surprised agony from her gasping maw. The feeling of her teeth growing and shifting in their places makes her tighten her jaw against it, clenching the now-fanged jaws together as though the pressure will make them stop.

The sight is indescribably hideous, a mass of vague human shapes and little semblance to the being it was before. Beneath the mass, she still holds what she can only assume was what she was before. She feels everything in this space between space, a tiny hole between the body she was and the ever-shifting blob that is pushed into its place.

The stripes begin to heal, knitting grotesquely together as she continues to leak ichor from every opening and orifice, her watering eyes dripping black tears behind a veil of oily tendrils attempting apparently to melt into the ground around her and take her with it.

With the healing striped scars comes something more pressing. The splintered and shattered ankles and legs are slowly pulling themselves back into alignment. It hurts like fiery coals have been injected into her skin and when they are nearly done, only then does some conscious thought manage to tell her that something has gone horribly wrong in this process, but it doesn’t know what exactly is wrong.

The tingling sensation returns, behind her eyes before the migraine comes. Strong enough to blind her, to make her feel dizzy and nauseous again, her arms wrapped at her middle in an attempt to keep herself from throwing up. It lasts for a fair while, she loses track of how long exactly. It ebbs out like a slow tide, the last appropriate precursor before the blob of goop pulls and shapes and solidifies itself back into her.

Besides the staining on her skin, her hair is the only remnant of the ooze that she simply is, a metamorphic beastly creature that has no one face it can use. She will mostly keep the face she can remember and knows the most familiarly. Her mane, however, will be no more cloud-like and wispy as fog, but oily in its constant movement and as black as the void that spawned it.

She thinks individually, fully aware of what is happening when the main ordeal is over. Her brain functions enough to barely croak out her name as though afraid she will forget it. She thinks in maneuvers and movements, strategies and tactics and equations. She thinks like a general and will perform like a soldier. It is the only thing she knows now.

It all comes flooding back to her from before her change and for the first time she can actively remember, she hates. Her land and country are no longer hers. She feels empty and alone and now she hates. Hates the horror War, lying nearby, his body growing cold and grey and starting to crumble to ash and dust beginning with his extremities. Hates the Polish monarchy what sent little Germanic crusaders to sweep in from the south at the behest of this monster she has slain. Hates that she no longer feels her earth, her people. It leaves her feeling none but pure, raw rage.

She would cry bitter tears here, would declare revenge on those responsible for what she is now. Except now she doesn’t know why. Like a flash, it is there and then gone and she remembers none of why she feels this cold empty loneliness. She merely assumes this is what she is supposed to feel at any given time, and accepts this and the feeling of wrath that is residual of her final thought.

She concentrates on who she is, but draws a complete blank. She no longer remembers the name she had before, but a new one flashes like bright red letters:

War

War. Her name is War. This is the name she is bestowed, the identity she remembers.

She tries to stand, to find where she belongs. There is a sharp jolt of burning agony up her legs from her ankles, causing her to fall again with a sickening crackle. She looks down at them, bared from beneath the torn skirts of the destroyed dress to see a subtle disparity between her lower legs and the ankle joints. The bones reformed, but the main break did not line up correctly. A purse of her lips, she knows now that the misalignment is permanent to her.

Unable to move, unable to remember what it is she is supposed to be doing or was doing, and feeling fatigued, she curls up where she is. It isn’t long for her to drift silently off into a dreamless sleep, hoping as she leaves the waking world that the nap will help her remember what her purpose is.

She is awakened by the sound of pounding hooves. Her eyes open slowly to take in her surroundings to determine if she needs to defend herself or not. The corpse next to her is hardly anything but moistened grey ash, piled around a sword stuck in the ground. But that is not what catches her attention besides passing glances.

Three massive horses are circling her continuously, going around and around and around her. Their riders are like something out of a horror story, told around a campfire by travelers to both ease the time and warn others of what lurks in the dark beyond the firelight.

One is grey and waxy, the perfect masque of ill. One misses their bottom jaw. One is hardly a skeleton with skin stretched on it.

The horses are not normal either; an emaciated white horse, a dark brown one with bright green eyes, a grey one with gleaming eyes of fetid copper. All of them fly a tattered black cloth from the back of their saddles, rogue tendrils and threads clawing futilely at the air as the three continue their endless circling.

Just beyond them is a larger circle of other horsemen, a normal-looking human cavalry of fair size, all flying the black cloth from saddles and bridles. The tack and armor on these horses vary from horse to horse. This is no standard cavalry. Unlike the three of the inner circle, these stand still. Or as still as a horse can stand at rest. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t curious to their presence.

New movement draws her attention forward, toward a stocky little man of dark skin and pale gold smiling eyes, almost as striking as the massive horse he leads. The beast’s head is trying to toss against the grip on its bridle’s chin strap and in lieu of not having such freedom, it ripples through its body instead. It is purely black, save for the flashing red eyes. An indeterminate breed, monolithic yet elegant. When it bares its teeth, it displays prominent canines in its upper and lower jaws.

The man stops in front of her and there is silence for a moment before he offers his free hand toward her. She takes it tentatively and he pulls her up to sit on her knees, but no further.

“You should probably mount your horse.” he tells her in a hushed tone.

She shakes her head, not even questioning why she understands him perfectly. Her voice is still rough, cracking from disuse. “I cannot stand. I think I hurt myself.”

He looks over her shoulder to where she favors her broken ankles and his lips purse behind his magnificent beard of greying red thoughtfully. He looks over his shoulder, lets go of her to wave a few others in the outer circle to him. A couple dismount, a few others in infantry uniforms run between the tight ring of horses.

“Help the commander mount her horse.”

She wonders why the rank for someone who has woken with no recollection of anything but her name and condition before she is suspended between hands and placed precariously on the saddle; the horse is surprisingly still during mounting. The soldiers run back to their positions as she takes the reigns offered her by the handler who greeted her and it is almost like magic. With someone on its back and the reigns in their hands, the massive beast becomes easy to control. Which is a good thing, considering she is unsure how to handle something as volatile as its display showed earlier. As if on cue, the other three horsemen circling slow down and file in behind her.

“We will have to help you with those ankles. We’ll head for Damascus; their metalsmiths are some of the finest. Wouldn’t hurt to get you a better saddle too.” the greeter says.

She shifts in the saddle a bit, aware that it was made for someone at least twice her size. The one before perhaps.

The man walks toward the sword sticking out of a pile of ash on the ground, pulling it up and sliding it into a hidden sheath at the left-front of the saddle before looking up. “I am Balthazar of Midian. I’m one of your generals for the Legion.”

“My name is...” She pauses, trying to remember her name. All that flashes is the one word, the concept. The idea. Surely, she has something different to offer...

At her confused silence, Balthazar picks up the slack. “You are War.” he assures, taking hold of the stallion’s bridle again and leading her and the others off toward the east. “You have much to learn of your new purpose.”